#let's see if i'll still think this way after having watched series 12

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's 2024 & I'm talking about TayNew... really?

(They pretty much told us all to sit down and shut tf up, 'cause they got this. AND THEY DO.)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 9 of 12 - I broke. In my defense, it was Monday, I needed comfort, and TayNew were right tf there. Ya know what? They are great in this show. It's a great adaptation. I might like it more than the JBL live action. You know why? Really, honestly WHY...?

That was a PHENOMENAL KISS. Those boys did Thailand fucking proud. They did fandom a solid. Thank you OGs for reminding us how it's done. I was getting used to SloppyHot. And SloppyHot has its place, but that TayNew rooftop kiss was a top tear class act. It was tender and sweet and respectful and joyful. It was eye work and breath work and years of practice. How very far BL has come while still staying so much the same. TayNew - I salute you!

(Read all about distribution issues here.)

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting, I guess? Bah.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - The recipe book thing was so damn cute and I love a claiming. YOU KNOW I LOVE A CLAIMING!

In fact, I love OffGun.

I love food based BL.

I adored seeing a reboot of "the infamous dragging". 

But I don’t love anything else about this show. Sigh.

1000 Years Old ep 1 of 12 - Finally we get our gay vampire BL from Feel Good Bangkok. Stars Shane (My Engineer) and fresh face Opal, directed by Champ (2gether). It’s kind of odd but enjoyable. A group of teen UFO seekers find a vampire instead. Opal looks a bit like a mix between Newnu + Leo (VIXX) - so cute + edge. Also, nice to see Shane again on our screens after so long. 

Finally, I like the subtle (and sometimes not subtle) presence of ghosts permeating this show. Do the friends know she's there? Do they know she's dead? Is the existence of paranormal accepted but not that of aliens? Or are the two combined? Is this lazy writing or just fun world building? Who cares! It's enjoyable.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 12fin - the nail painting bit was very cutie queers and I've not seen it done in BL before, so that was nice. For some reason captions never dropped for me on this last episode, but it didn’t really matter. Not much happened and I understood everything anyway.

Quick pitch?

From the people who brought us Unforgotten Night based on a y-novel, about a young man nursing a heartbreak who has a one-night stand, but the other boy didn't want it to end. This turned out to be a pulp that wasn’t half as good as it should have been and even less memorable, but not terrible. 5/10 DON'T BOTHER unless you're v bored

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Oh it is such a pulp: the acting is not good and the script is terrible. Of course, I’m mildly enjoying it. Very good dream kissing. There's something appealing about these main characters - I think it's the moot crushes. We rarely get to see that. These days everything feels very one sided, this... isn't.

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.

I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. I'll catch it grey if I can, since I've rebooted the bootlegging side of my BL life for Cherry Magic anyway.

So this show may stay in this section, or I may bump it down to "it's airing but..."

If anyone is watching it, let me know if it's good?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Ugh it was GREAT, despite some pretty telling flaws. I ended up feeling like some of the filming was amateurish (very overworked low angles - director's first feature, I assume), and the narrative is a little disjoined and on the nose, AND the subs are clumsy (which I don't expect from KBL) BUT I still loved it. (FYI - I wouldn't be so harsh on a BL for this kinda thing except one from Korea.)

Quick pitch:

This isekai-based KBL is about a man who must win a game by convincing a reserved teen outcast to fall in love with him. Of course, that teen represents himself and his own unhappiness. Like many queer narratives, this show is actually about self worth, trust, and found family, and it is VERY on the nose. But I don’t expect subtlety from my BL and I enjoyed it's truly lovely redemption arc and earnest performances. While I found the narrative a touch disjointed with overworked filming angles and poorer than average captions, this is certainly much better than early KBL in terms of consistency of tone, script, and immersion. Highly rewatchable and charming, which counts for a lot. 9/10

Trigger warning for suicide depicted.

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Gosh, it’s so lovely. But I do just constantly want to give them both hugs. 

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh look, Taiwan has created yet another BL where I spend most of the time watching it grinning like an idiot. Surprise surprise. The pet name thing was fucking adorable. Also Taiwan once more proving they come by their "kings of kissing" title honestly. I mean to say. In a week of good kisses this one was just... WOW.

On the other hand, some of the underpinning themes are starting to v worry me (ownership, consent, age), and we only just got started, and I don't trust this production company so... I have concerns.

But also... YAY KISSES!

(I'm made of weak moral fiber.)

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - Like many other shows on this list. I just enjoy it the most when the two leads are on screen together. So this episode was kind of lacking because they were apart for most of it. I also am starting to agree with the tone of the plot, that maybe they ARE better off as friends not lovers. (And I'm sure I'm not supposed to want that.) Oh Japan, must you?

My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 8 - Oh it’s good. In the arthouse lane so don’t expect sweetness & light or an HEA. If there’s no cartoon aspect to a JBL, there’s usually no joy. But it is certainly good. Teens uncover some old film and a mystery around a pretty girl. The background music is wildly annoying (and rarely in the background). 

It's Done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes have decided not to watch.

It's Airing But...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting. I'm waiting to know how it ends.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Sam Lin has a cameo so even if I wasn't already excited, I'm in. We should be on our guard though, Taiwan will occasionally go edgy, dark, and sad... this could go there.

One assumes GMMTV is filling in the BL time slot with something queer on their YT Channel after Cooking Crush ends, they gonna lose subs if they don't. But I've not been paying attention to the chatter so I don't know which of their line-up it will be. I think G4 are filming/off radar now, and Earth is in that het noona thing? Plus they gotta sort out the IP for MIx-Up and Ossen. So it won't be one of the announced adaptations. They'll hold My Golden Blood for the high season, so I think it'll be one of the lesser known lead-outs. Wandee or Only Boo maybe? But they only just started filming those. Are we getting our long awaited GL? Anything else left from 2023 that I forgot about?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Two crawling kisses from Thailand this week. Now this is a fetish I didn't know I had. Turns out, we love this one! (*waves hand in air* I speak for all of us now.)

Cooking Crush

City of Stars

Possibly the best tsundere to cinnamon roll pivot we've had in a long time.

Also the best asshole to KING pivot. Could we have a whole drama staring this character now? Please?

And finally our sunshine learning to love himself.

SIGH. what a lovely show.

And a good SMILEY kiss from a KBL.

And then some cute cuddles? Korea is spoiling me these days. I'm catching expectations now. What's next? Japan learns to kiss in their light BLs? Ha! I kill me.

(All Love for Love's Sake).

(Last week)

[avalonia320]

what the fuck Marius

*discussion of The Vampire Chronicles, spoiler warnings for those who haven't read*

Just had to rant a little. So I am a long time reader of the Vampire Chronicles, first read them and became obsessed when I was 11 but I'm gonna be straight up - I kinda peace'd out after Memnoch the Devil because that was just a bit too weird for me and kinda personal; Anne Rice was on this whole religious journey at the same time my mother went on her own similar journey (and immediately told me I was going to hell) so the religious themes were just not it for me. After that I stuck with the first four books, which are still my favorites. Now that the series is out and I'm re-obsessed, I decided to read the later books.

I always liked Marius. I saw him as a mentor to Lestat, he just seemed like this older, wiser, and more patient vampire. I loved how exasperated and fascinated he was by Lestat. I thought his and Armand's story was tragic. But now I've read The Vampire Armand - twice - and all I can say is are you fucking kidding me. It's actually probably not for the reasons one would automatically think - yes I was skeeved that he bought a traumatized kid in a brothel and immediately engaged in sexual activities with him, (not to mention the whipping) but I'm also quite familiar with Anne Rice's erotica so these were not entirely unexpected themes. Anyway I'm not touching that discourse with a ten foot pole. We all know it's problematic. We're all watching the show any way.

But man, so what the fuck does Marius do immediately after he and Armand are reunited again after Armand's suicide attempt? Armand entrusts him with what is most precious to him, his mortal 'children', Sybelle and Benji. Armand leaves them for ONE FUCKING DAY and when he comes back Marius has made them vampires. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MARIUS.

Armand is screaming & crying and furious and then I hate-scanned what seemed like 30 pages of Marius making long speechy excuses for it and why it was actually so loving of him to take on the burden of being their Maker so that Armand can be with them forever and they won't hate Armand for it. Hello, Benji was 12 FUCKING YEARS OLD. Have we learned NOTHING from Claudia??? Couldn't give him another decade of mortality first?? God, this guy just will not allow Armand any agency in any part of his life whatsoever and it's MADDENING. Yes, Sybelle and Benji wanted to be vampires and I do think they would have become immortal eventually but again BENJI WAS 12! (and Sybelle is um...not exactly stable at the time either. Girl could have really used some intense therapy first before being frozen in her current state forever.)

Plus the fact that he just abandoned Armand to the coven that kidnapped him, killed his brothers, made him eat his closest brother and best friend - Marius couldn't have helped all that, having been set on fire and all but he had centuries to find Armand again and instead he was just like 'nah, it's whatever. I'm sure that twink is fine.' Meanwhile Lestat comes sauntering along and Marius is like 'oh hey person I've met five minutes ago, let me spill all the secrets of my life, not to mention the most secret secrets of all the vampires, including how to kill us all.' You know, I used to hate Armand and now I understand so much better why he's got so many issues.

Anyway, there's no point to this somewhat incoherent rant, I just had to get it off my chest. I don't know how Marius will be portrayed in the show and I'm excited to see it. Maybe I'll hate him even more. Maybe I'll end up loving him the way I love Armand despite everything he's done but man, I just really want to kick his ass right now.

[sludgekludge]

What are your thoughts on the sins individually, if you don't mind me asking?

i think viv is really really scared to have her blorbos embody really negative traits so i think half of the sins we've been properly introduced to do a dogshit job at actually embodying the sin they represent because of this lol. why do half of them not suck more as people. why don't they embody their sins, viv.

this ended up being kinda longer than i meant so im dumping it under a read more vv

bephelgor's only my icon because i'm also sleepytired and want to go to bed. her design is endearing to me, but still a mess, and if she's meant to be inspired by baphomet, it kinda sucks she's not more androgynous, imo, at least give her a little goat beard. not much to say because she was more of a decorative vase than a character. fascinating how we see the remaining women sins and neither of them speak!

leviathan. sorry this is a bit meaner than i usually try to be. i hate her design so bad. i don't know what people like about it. you can like it obviously. but god. i could go on a tangent here about it but i won't. her design makes me chew foil. super cool that they gave her more screentime though and instead of talking, she gets to sit there silently while being hit on by a man instead. fascinating how-

asmodeus bores me, all of the haha sex jokes in this show are so obnoxious so whenever they bring up that he's the Sex One my eyes roll outta my head. his design is…not at all my cup of tea but i won't say it's atrocious. the palette is unique, at least, by hellaverse standards. i liked him in his first appearance but he's since been declawed and now he's a weally nice guy actually who's all about consent and his wholesome chungus monogomous relationship, which is so fucking lame. could make a bigger post about him honestly. him and fizz are a couple of the saddest victims to 'super scared to write her blorbos being genuinely nasty' thing imo

mammon endeared me initially, but his mastermind appearance sucks. i like his design for the most part (centipede. why centipede. make him a funnelweb) and the fact he's clearly a silly guy on purpose. dresses like a jester by choice. he's evil, AND silly, that's fun. while he's a bit dense in his initial appearance, he's clever enough to know exactly how to manipulate fizz emotionally, and then in mastermind he's this big lumbering dumbass fat fuck who eats sloppily and he's gross and yucky and stupid ewww!! what a cool way to write your like, 1 recurring fat character vivzienne popsicle. lets make a joke specifically about how he has a big stomach. very cool his asexuality was clearly tacked on last-minute and he's clearly not written with that in mind, also kind of weird to canonise him as such when you're writing him to be this undesirable gross slob. i like him in theory, but he also says a lot about how viv views fat/asexual people and it's kind of soured me to him a little. shame. could go more into him, but i'll stop here.

we can't make beezlebub fat though, that's fatphobic! that's why she's thin! ik her design was a whole debacle and i don't care for it but i think it's blown a bit out of proportion. she's just another vivziepop design, i dont think she's uniquely terrible, maybe aside from being a bad rep of gluttony, but i saw more people talking about the bee thing than that. i do think it was kind of a huge mistake to make her so indistinguishable from hellhounds, biggest problem with her design imo. it's clear they wrote her to be deliberately really cool and likeable because she's Kesha, though. she's a typical nice popular party girl. i watched lps series with characters exactly like her when i was 12. sin of gluttony, don't overindulge though bro look after yourself :(

satan is inoffensive. i find him/his design to be kind of generic? but not overtly terrible. big dragon just feels a bit boring to me to who is apparently the penultimate sin, bar lucifer. admittedly, i kind of like the bit that he's got this little guy he listens too. big sucker for silly dynamics like that when they're played straight. wish i knew why the lil guy's robe kept changing colours, though. he's kinda wishy-washy and generic. don't get why any of the sins are intimidated by him when he gives stolas a slap on the wrist that stolas doesn't even have to grovel for, purely for being royalty lol. what's he gonna do to the sins if they step out of line? wag a finger at them? the whole 'he's lying about ruling before lucifer' thing was dumb and should've been caught before the episode went out.

lucifer i have enough to say about that it could probably also be its own post but to keep it short...ish, i think he's kind of inconsistent and weirdly written. they're really scared to write him as genuinely morally dubious and that's lame. they blended like 4 sexyman archetypes into 1 for him. he's so clearly y/n bait that it makes my eyes roll into the back of my skull…characters should get their y/n fiction naturally god dammit stop manufacturing sexymen in the lab!!! his design annoys me but i guess the whole 'pretty porcelain doll' thing makes sense and since he's a fallen angel, corrupted purity or something, wears symbols of himself (apples/snake) all over so Pride, like FINE, i get it, i still flick peanut shells at him though. thin ice. bitch

basically my favourite is like almost mammon i think but he's got weird uncomfortable connotations so i guess it's bephelgor because she doesn't exist enough to do anything to annoy me yet

[junedenim]

2012

beneath the boardwalk, part 10 (series masterlist)

why'd you only call me when you're high?

warnings: a whole lot of angst, temptation, nostalgia, and nothing

word count: 10.4k

Squished between two couch cushions watching Real Housewives, I got a call from Alex. "Did I wake you?" He questioned. It was late or early depending on who you asked. I had been woken up from a cold I was suffering from. He had never gone to bed.

"No, no, I'm just sitting around, suffocating," I complained. His voice was rough, but not thick with phlegm like mine. He chuckled in a rhythmic format, beat after beat. He sounded like he was sinking into himself, his flesh turning to goo. I heard his lips smack together as if he was chewing on a piece of hay. I coughed, the harshness reaching him miles and miles away. "You alright?"

"Yeah." I think he was chewing gum. "Just got home."

I hummed with understanding. "Did you have a nice night?"

He made a noise of indifference. "How long you been sick?"

"Two days now and it's not getting any better." I sniffled and stuffed a tissue up my nostril, thankful that I lived alone. "Think I caught it at a New Year's Party. I'm worried I have mono."

"Why? You've been kissing a bunch of people?" His words hung in the middle of us. Both of us moving on from one another had been unspoken. We were still on a break for all intents and purposes, even if he was with Arielle. Another thing we never talked about. 

I gave the best laugh I could do without coughing. "It's supposed to be good luck. I also ate 12 grapes and banged bread against the wall."

"Did you really?" He amusingly asked.

"No, well, not the bread part." I sighed. "Now, I'm just sitting on the couch watching shitty reruns. I can't fall back asleep."

"Neither can I," he said.

I hesitated and curled up under my blanket. "Is that why you called me at 4 in the morning?" I said it with a laugh to ease any tensions that may arise.

"It's only 1 here."

"Right. I forgot about the time difference." It didn't seem right for him to be so far away permanently. None of this seemed like the correct order of things. It was a misalignment but there could be no corrective measure.

"Yeah, I kind of did too." There was a pause like he was thinking things over. Like he might have had something to say but now he couldn't find it. "I'll let you go then." In more ways than one.

*

Alex was a cloud. He was away on tour, far away and out of reach. We talked less but not intentionally. We both just got really busy and we didn't need each other for that constant contact anymore. I was plummeting toward the wildest time of my life and he was up to his usual unable-to-contact schedule. Somewhere in Australia first then opening for The Black Keys. Plus, he had Arielle.

The new girlfriend thing didn't bug me much, at least, not in the form of jealousy. It was a strange thing. I hadn't fully adjusted to the idea but it was much easier when he was nowhere near my life. If it had happened when we were younger, I think I would've punished myself for it, but I had grown into a far lighter figure who understood not everyone was trying to make a mark against me. Alex was living his own life, which for the past few years had been dedicated to one person. It was "seeing what else was out there."

I was alone for the most part. I saw Jackson nearly every day, whether for work or leisure, but I was getting used to being alone for long grasps of time. I spent time writing in my notebook like the old days. A therapy session that I locked away in a drawer. I rotted in my room for days. I watched all of The Sopranos, practiced the splits, and thought about getting a cat. It was winter and a very boring time.

But around the end of January, I did my first interview. It was small and nothing huge, but it was talking about my work in-depth for the first time with a stranger. I pretended I was talking to Alex.

Alex and I didn't stop talking completely. I called him on his birthday, briefly, and we had a long chat toward the end of January where we caught up with one another. Neither of us had much to tell. He had been touring. I had been crawling around New York doing next to nothing, besides book matters and talking about my "marketability."

Alex laughed at this. "Yeah, they tend to do that. Try to whittle you down to one trait."

"It's making me feel insecure." I laughed at it but it felt small inside me, burning its way out.

Alex hummed in agreement. "Well, at least you're not a pimple-ridden kid doing it."

It wasn't something he talked about much. He hated people giving him attention, yet he was in a career that commanded eyes to be focused on him. It was one of our many skimmed-over conversations. In some ways, it made me feel like I didn't know Alex. We both hid parts of ourselves from one another and knew that the other did this. That burning curiosity we used to have probably went out once we started to live with one another. You know someone for long enough that it begins to feel like you know every inch of them. I slept with him night after night but I wondered if I ever knew what was ticking on in his head before he fell asleep. What was he thinking when he sat outside with a closed notebook? Why did he turn away?

I didn't even know why I turned away. I wrote repeatedly in my notebook, questioning why I couldn't make it work with Alex. I resisted jumping into a relationship because of that. If I couldn't make it work with Alex then it probably wouldn't work with anyone, especially during that portion of my life. I didn't know what it meant to be alone, like really alone.

I deflected a lot. I even deflected earlier in this book. I was devastated by the loss of Alex and I don't think it hit me until much later because I always had an anvil weighing on the back of my head telling me it wasn't over. Arielle complicated those ideals and I think for a while I was on my back unable to regain upright status. I was flailing.

That's why I paused. When 2012 hit, I was forced into a corner. I felt distant from who I was but still so far away from who I was becoming. I felt like I was the roots of the tree that had been cut down. I was left to be a stump.

One night, over a joint, I told Jackson I didn't feel British. Jackson, a Californian boy through and through, did not understand this. He laughed from the high while the smoke just made me more disoriented. He told me that I was "perfectly British." To me, that sounded like some marketing strategy. That's what the book would be marketed as—a British girl coming to America; her cold skin meeting the California sun. It made me hate the book. Or I hated myself, the lines were blurring.

I thought I had grown away from forms of jealousy. I have just previously insisted to you that I experienced no feelings of envy toward Arielle...but I did. It was ignored and then it couldn't be. The "R U Mine?" music video featured Arielle and a "new" Alex. I'm not a fan of the insinuation Alex suddenly changed after we broke up, besides his hair and fresh Sheffield tattoo, I would come to know Alex was exactly the same. Alex never quite changes. He's always been suave. It's hard to take a 20-year-old as seriously as a 25-year-old, especially when he is still pimple-ridden.

I found my jealousy toward Arielle in regard to "R U Mine?" was the same as when Alex showed me "Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts" because, honestly, since then Alex's only explicit romantic muse (the word makes me want to barf, but that's what I was) was me. It's the weird thing of being with a writer, especially with personal subjects. It's beautiful when it's for you but then you realize that it was never really for you. It was about you. Alex didn't write a song to make me feel loved. He wrote a song because he liked writing songs.

Unknowingly, I always felt that. It's why I didn't swoon every time I heard "Mardy Bum." I loved it as a song but it didn't feel like a love letter. I felt Alex's love in far different ways. As the years went on, I would find love letters in songs, but at the center, I found his love in crevices: a note from college, a smoke outside a pub, a cooked meal, folded laundry—god, I sound old.

But his love wasn't restricted to those songs. Just as my love isn't restricted to this tome. This is a love letter in pieces for Alex but it's also for my youth. I found around this time, I began to reflect on those early years. Nearly 10 years out from 2003, I became a preservationist. I jotted down my memory of my first conversation with Alex. I tucked it away in my drawer, no use for it yet.

*

Alex called me on my birthday. He wasn't too far away, somewhere between Portland and Boston on a bus. It was late with only an hour left to my birthday, which I had spent drinking with friends. It was a rather simple birthday. It could've been just another night, minus the cake (red velvet with frosted flowers on top of it) that Fennel and Kaka purchased for me.

Alex texted me in the morning. Something akin to Hey. Happy birthday. Al.

It was formal and if it didn't make me laugh so much I think I'd be hurt by it. But Alex always texted like that as if he was penning a letter. The letter was awfully short but it was sent at 4 AM, which made me believe he either had no sleep or had just woken up.

I was expecting more and I got more. When I was drunk.

"Hi," I said, shoving the phone to my ear as a subway train came roaring by.

He chuckled, hearing the noise. "Hi." He waited for it to pass fully before continuing, "Happy birthday."

"Thank you."

"Did you spend it good?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty drunk."

"Alright, then, I won't keep you long."

"No," I insisted. "Stay on the phone with me." I was pleading. I didn't want to let go of him. "At least, until I'm home." I wasn't far away but I lied and acted like I was further away, keeping him on the line with me, even as we lost connection at various times.

"Sorry I didn't get you anything," he said halfway through the subway ride.

"I didn't get you anything,” I reminded him.

"Yeah. Feels weird."

We hummed in silence because we both knew how abnormal this was. We weren't friends. Alex and I were never friends. Nothing ever went away or could ever go away. We were struggling to redefine what we were. We could never disentangle from one another. It pulled us back toward one another, even when we shouldn't have.

"I was going to get you that, uh, milkshake maker so you wouldn't have to pay extra at Morgenstern's for one." I didn't know a person could get so emotional over a milkshake maker that they would feel like crying on the F train. I might be the only person ever.

It was such a stupid gift. I would probably get two uses out of the machine before it broke and it wouldn't be as good as Morgenstern's makes theirs and it would go to waste. Still, I can imagine if he did get it for me. How after I unwrapped it we would go to Morgenstern's and get a pint of ice cream and Alex would make me a milkshake. One just for me. If I was feeling generous enough, we'd share the straw.

None of this would have happened, even if we were together. He'd still be in between Portland and Boston and I'd still be riding the F, wishing he was with me. It was comforting that maybe I had done the right thing, even if it felt so hard.

"Well, you can get it for me for Christmas."

He laughed and said, "Okay."

*

Black leather loafers with black wool flannel trousers. A white poplin shirt, two buttons loose at the top and at the bottom. I had a black corduroy jacket that Jackson held for me. I felt like I was dressing up in my mother's clothes. I was doing book press. It was an unfitting experience but I held the hardcover book in my hand. It felt unnatural but I liked my authour's photo.

By that point, I was so far removed from the contents of the book. I started to second-guess it even coming out. It felt like my diary, even if it was evasive at times and cut out the personal from that time (Alex is not mentioned once, not even as the person I moved to LA for). Still, it was exposing, but it was real now and it was sitting in my hand.

Alex came to town a week later, opening for The Black Keys. I didn't see the show—things were getting too busy by that point. I asked Alex if we could meet for a quick lunch and he accepted.

We met at Westville, a cute restaurant, but by no means romantic. I felt a need for that to be clear. I worried about Arielle worrying that I was trying to "steal" Alex or whatever that meant. I don't think she ever did. After all, she had the guy and I was resigned with no longer having the guy. It wasn't the bitch fight it has been imagined to be.

I waited for Alex outside the restaurant, smoking a cigarette to achieve my all-time high of cigarettes per day (this was not a good year for my lungs). I dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. I wanted to look cool but relaxed. I wore the previously mentioned black loafers to make it look like I didn't roll out of bed and throw some jeans on.

Alex wore the same thing: jeans, T-shirt, loafers...and a leather jacket. It was a hotter March day when spring was beginning to peek through and relieve the bitterness of winter. He was across the street stuck at a streetlight and I waved to him and he waved back. Then, we just stared at each other, waiting for the light to turn green.

He crossed, said hi, and hugged me. Every move was made with slight awkwardness. We hadn't been alone together since he moved out. "Have you been waiting long?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Got here early, just for a smoke. Do you want to go in now?"

"Yeah. Yeah." He bobbed his head.

I put my cigarette out and he followed me into the restaurant. "Your hair is back to normal." My natural brown. It was better for me to not play pretend when promoting a book about my own life.

"Yours isn't," I commented. It came off snarkier than I wanted it to.

He shrugged and smiled to ease the thick fat of awkwardness. "Yeah, well, you know." He didn't say it but this was the new normal for him, which was fine, but it was different from what I knew. When I dreamed about him or pictured him, it was still with a curling mop top or, you know, just the mop if I was dreaming of '09.

"Tattoo too," I added.

"Yeah."

"You're a changed man."

"Yeah."

Our heads ducked down and we stared at the menus in silence. It was a challenge of who would speak first—seriously speak, not those little comments over what looks good.

After we ordered, I said, "Sorry I'm not able to go tonight."

He waved me off. "You've already been to too many shows. Don't worry."

"Well, I like going. It feels weird not to go."

"Yeah." Somewhere in that word, I knew what he meant. It had been years since Alex had the ability to spot people in the crowd, but he told me once that there was a comfort in knowing I was somewhere in there, that even if he messed up, there would always be someone there at the end of it all. I wonder if he was still getting used to someone else being at the end of it all.

He sipped his water to cut off the look on his face. I decided to cut to the fat of it. "I, uh, have something to give you."

"Why do I feel like it's something bad?" He cracked a laugh, lifting the air in the room.

I picked up my bag. "I hope not."

I dug through my things slowly. It was held in my hands but I still had to catch my breath before I lifted it out. I saw a squint on his face as he tried to imagine what it was. I passed it across the table and his hands took it. That is when it all started to feel real; seeing his eyes land on it, his hands run down its spine with him smiling. "It's a first edition," I joked.

He raised an eyebrow, flipping it open. "Is it signed?" I laughed. I'm not sure what made me happier: him holding my book or joking around with him again. He opened the other end of the book. "Good author photo."

"I'm quite happy with it." Somewhere in that bittersweetness, I did feel content. It was never how I imagined him holding my first book. Parts of me were swallowed with sorrow that I would never experience this in the way I wanted—a desperate romantic lovemaking all-consuming kind of way—but there were small parts in me that were happy that we could still have this. I don't know if we kept dragging things out this would have been as joyous. That this would have felt like closure.

Alex looked up, meeting my eyes. A small smile played on his lips. The kind that can't be faked in any way. It was real and from the hurt. It was that pride he always had in me. The pride that kept me going for far longer than I'd ever imagined. I wrote the book, but he made the book. I never would've written anything close to it without him. I'd probably be stuck fucking Robert in London if it wasn't for him. It was my reassurance to him that he didn't have to make up for the sudden move to LA as he constantly tried to do. He wasn't in the book, but he was the book. It's why I dedicated it to him. It's why on the last page of his edition of the book I wrote: Don't make fun of me, Al. Thank you for this. I hope you know why. Love, Jane C.

I questioned the "love" part. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable but it would have been far more awkward to write something like "sincerely." I wasn't one for lying, especially about my love for Alex. It was something layered. It didn't rest in that romantic love. He wasn't just my boyfriend and he wasn't just my best friend. It's hard for a writer to find the word. It's nudged somewhere in this book. In all these little words.

"I wanted you to be the first to have it," I said. "Well, one of the first. Wanted to see the look on your face."

He looked back down at the book. Mild disbelief spread across his face as he looked back and forth between the book and me. "Thanks." He wasn't sure what else to say. He rolled everything around and looked as if he was choking on the bone of a chicken.

"It's been a little weird these past few months," I said while picking at my fingernails, an assured sign to Alex that I was referring to us. "I don't want it to feel weird. So, don't cry or anything," I joked.

He chuckled, dislodging the lump. He flipped the book over one more time before placing it on the table. "I'll try not to. I knew you could do it." He stared right at me, emphasizing every little syllable. The awkwardness faded from him and he leaned onto the table. His smile was small but bright. I could find a million different meanings in it, each meaning just as much.

"I know you did. You always did," I told him. "I had this dream last night. It was weird and blurry but we were driving around Sheffield or some weird ghost thing was driving us. It's hard to describe. I don't know. I think it was a sign or something. I'm not sure of what but just those early days of us talking. That's when I really started to write. I suppose my mind was thinking about this lunch and conjured up some old memories."

He smiled at me the whole time, eyes never leaving me, even when I glanced away. "Well, I had a dream that I was one of the animals left off of Noah's Ark, so, you tell me what that means."

I told him it had something to do with his fear of being left behind and he rolled his eyes and said I was trying to be Freud. Lunch came and we ate and laughed and agreed to split the check. He told me he would read the whole book tonight if he could. We hugged goodbye and he whispered in my ear, "I'll send you a proper review."

A few days later, Alex emailed me. It was long. Very long and detailed like he had taken a note on every page. He pulled the sentences he liked the most out, which turned out to be about half the book. I would later write back and ask what that meant for the other half of the book. He said they were left off Noah's Ark too. Continuing his initial email, Alex wrote at the bottom:

You did it. I hope you feel that too. Thank you, Al.

*

I had a book tour. A minimal one since there wasn't the highest of expectations and I didn't want to go to Omaha, Nebraska. So, there was Boston, New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Houston, and Los Angeles. I hated the whole thing. I always wanted to go to these places but I wasn't really going to these places. We lingered in Chicago at the end of July, but it was the equivalent of touring with Alex, except this time I was Alex.

I've never enjoyed talking about my work either but it was nice that people thought it was nice. But that part still felt awkward to me too. Like, people actually read this??? It eased up as it went along. It was a short tour anyway. I wasn't going to Tokyo or anything.

I thought about myself a lot. It was a little lonely but I had adapted to that. Jackson was my only company on the road and it was easy for us to get sick of one another. We had both grown bored with one another, both slightly exhausted from these months so closely intertwined. I thought about Al, often. I thought about myself, often.

Could it be possible that I did everything right? No. I never thought that but I didn't think I did everything wrong. I had cracks in the surface of me and guts that spilled out. I said everything with my pen but nothing with my lips. I hid myself under the disguise of a freshly lonesome girl who knew the only means to move on was to forget. But I didn't forget anything, only myself, just for a little. Pieces of me dropped on the side of the highway. We drove for days and I found no meaning in it, only wondering did he feel like this all the time? How did he bear this loss of self?

I asked myself questions and never got any answers. I felt everything but there was never any meaning in it. There were closed-off vessels, no means to transport blood or oxygen, yet, I was still moving. I suppose that was the only thing left to cling to. I still had the memory of it and those never made me sad. I experienced it. How fortunate was I to be cracked open and exposed to this impenetrable love? I still felt it. We were both on the end of the same wire. It was bent and twisted, knots made to keep strong but disrupt transmission. No love lost. Just changed. I know good comes from change. I didn't feel the goodness but I could taste it coming. So much else was happening. I would hate myself forever for wasting those precious few days of enjoyment in place of a relationship that didn't need nourishment anymore. It was about me. I wanted it to be about me for so long and it finally was. Don't waste it.

The mini-tour ended in LA at the start of August. Summer had whipped me in the face so hard I forgot the season even existed, until I was stuck in the sweaty, SoCal heat, dying for a drop of water. The first night—the day before the Q&A and book signing—Jackson and I got dinner and drinks with Opal.

It was nice to let loose after feeling so pinned up for most of the summer. The liquor soothed my sunburnt skin and I decided the tour as a whole wasn't too bad—I was about 3 drinks in at this point. Then, after another drink, I texted Alex telling him I was in town. The last we chatted was a week or so before when the band opened for the London Olympics. I watched it later on YouTube and told him he did a bang-up job. He told me he nearly shat himself.

Alex had returned to LA since. The city had become his permanent home since the tour had ended. He bought a house out here and everyone in the band, for the most part, had relocated too. So, in my drunken state, I told him I was there and we should hang before I went back to New York.

When I woke up, it was an embarrassing text of I'm in LA, AL. Even in my drunken state, I wrote with proper grammar. Alex wrote back, Come on over. This was in the early hours of the day so he must have been up by some similar means too.

The following night, I panicked. I wondered if this is what single people felt like all the time. Prior to this, I had never faced intimidation when hanging out with Alex, except maybe when I was 17 and that type of thing could be labelled as teenage anxiety. But, no, this was a thing that would plague me the rest of my dating life and I wasn't even going on a date with him. Alex is the only "ex" I had stayed in contact with up to that point. Most of my friends didn't do this type of thing either, at least not Opal who lived by the mentality that once people were gone they were gone forever.

Half my anxiety came from the limited wardrobe out of my suitcase but considering it was just dinner and a dinner that would be had with the other bandmates and the girlfriends, there should've been no pressure. I wouldn't have told you this at the time, I barely want to write it down now, but the nerves I felt weren’t because of Alex, they were because of Arielle. Part of me wanted to be conceived as a non-threat. I was over those days. The other part of me—the stronger part—wanted her to be jealous of me and question why Alex and I ever broke up. I wasn't fully-formed yet. 

The two sides fought and then I just settled on jeans and a tank top because it was boiling outside and I was having drinks at Al's place, not the Windsors. Luckily, I showed up after Jamie and Katie so I thought of using Katie as a shield. I didn't accept Katie and Arielle to be talking though. The word traitor crossed through my brain and then I thought I must be regressing to my college days when Rosie and Will would feel each other up in front of me. Arielle was nice and I was probably an anxious bitch.

So, I hugged both of them as Alex came into the living room. He was staggering, dressed casually beside his uniform slicked hair. "Hey there," he greeted. He was calm, not an awkward bone in his body. He knew he had the upper hand. We were on his home turf with his hot girlfriend and I was a single mess who had been on plane after plane and stunk of cigarettes.

The room was hot with sweat dripping off every surface it seemed. The air conditioner was running but the flaming air came rushing in with the swing of the front door as Matt and Breana entered. The room became distracted by them, both looking darling. I hugged each of them, distracting myself in their grasp.

Arielle had lit candles for the dining table. It was the only thing formal about the informal event. The house itself was rather bare. Alex never carried much, I was always the one with the shit. 

Alex tapped my arm. "You want a drink?"

"What do you have?" I asked.

He waved his arm and I followed him to the kitchen, isolating ourselves. "Beer, wine, tequila, vodka, all the fixings. I can make you something if you'd like. Margarita?"

"Anything non-alcoholic?" Alcohol would ease my nerves but it would lead to my loud mouth and I couldn't afford that tonight.

He looked bewildered. "Who are you?" He joked.

We kept our distance. I pushed my hair behind my shoulder. "Got real drunk with Opal and Jackson last night. Figured I'd keep it clean. At least for now."

"Right then. Iced tea?"

He knew me well. I laughed at his smile and agreed to this. I moved closer to the refrigerator to just feel the cold air on my skin. He poured the glass, leaving the door open for me. I chugged the coldness like it was the elixir of life. It felt like my lungs re-inflated when the liquid dispersed and his eyes looked at mine again, so clearly over that fogged-up glass. Wet brown eyes into my baby blues and it felt like he might reach out and snatch them out of my eyes and keep them for himself. He always liked them. He has a thing for blue eyes.

We talked around the dining table, eating a mix of something Arielle had cooked and pizza. I had the pizza. Everyone talked loosely about things I had no knowledge of. Jokes about LA and all these people I had no concept of. I suppose if they had come to New York it would have been similar, except they all shared this with one another.

The sweet Breana turned the attention onto me, which partially made me shrink and revel in the joy of being included. "Oh, Jane, I loved the book!" Everyone chanted in similar sentiments all at once.

I laughed and took a bite of my pizza crust. "You didn't all read it," I laughed.

"I read parts of it," Jamie said. They were all sweet but I'm unsure how often any of them even had the chance to pick up a book, let alone their best friend's ex-girlfriend. Because that's what I was now. That was my title.

Alex looked at me. I could hear my mother's words ringing through his lips so I smiled and said, "Thank you."

"Disappointed I wasn't in it more," Matt said. "You know if it wasn't for me the book would've never been made." The long story of it has made that true but I can't give Matt credit for everything, it might go to his head too much.

"How's that?" Arielle asked. Everything shifted after that. We could all tell that she had been the wrong one to ask that question. Whether she was clueless and curious or was trying to make a dig at Alex, I wasn't sure, but I felt like an imposition being there. I didn't feel like an out-of-town friend. I felt like an ex-girlfriend.

Nobody spoke so I spoke. "Matt introduced me and Alex." I sipped my drink to wash down any other awkwardness.

Everyone seemed awkward other than Arielle. She quickly nodded and said, "Oh, yeah, Al told me that." I wondered why everyone else was so stiff when Arielle didn't seem to have much of a problem with it. Why should she when she looked like that?

I felt frumpy and had to pee badly from all the iced tea I had drank but I was too scared to go to the bathroom and see her things mixed with Alex's things. I could leave there with ambiguity and the belief that Alex didn't move on so quickly and I was stuck being alone.

"That was our first gig," Matt said. He seemed to relax, always the person to slice through any amount of tension. "Almost 10 years ago now."

"What was it like?" Arielle asked.

"Awful," Alex said. His eyes pointed toward me. "Right?"

"I don't know. I never reviewed it, remember?" He laughed and it felt inappropriate to display this inside language in front of everyone. "It feels weird that I'm the only one here who watched it." Even if that had been the case for many years, it had been a while since we all gathered around in a circle and talked about those days.

"I wasn't even there," Nick remarked. The room buckled with chuckles.

I laid my forehead against the palm of my hand resting against the table. "God," I said, "I spent that whole show with Will’s hand on my ass and Joanie screaming in my ear."

"Oh, god, Joanie," Matt muttered.

"Oh, god, Will," Jamie cracked.

"She got married last month," I told them. She had invited me but I was in the middle of the tour. We talked about once a year and everything was always nice. The only time I would've had the chance of running into her was when Alex and I visited Sheffield and that obviously wasn't happening anymore.

"Bless that man's heart," Matt quipped.

I shook my head. "No, she seems to have settled down in the last few years. I guess we all did. Seems so long ago."

"It was," Alex said. "We're getting old, Janie." His silence punctured the air. My lungs felt like they were deflating. He poured himself another glass.

Things grew looser and looser. They rattled off stories of LA, I rattled off stories from the road. Arielle excused herself to bed, citing an early morning. Her bed was upstairs.

Each couple left one by one until Alex and I awkwardly remained. I figured then I should leave. He walked me to the door with a freshly poured glass in his hand. "Hope I didn't keep you up too late," I said because I wasn't sure what else to say. It reminded me of what my parents said to each other after a fight. It was the one thing they clung to in order to keep their marriage somehow working.

He shook his head and sipped. "No, no. It's fine. You're always good company."

I shrugged. The whole thing kind of felt awkward, at least with him. I could laugh with Matt and throw my arm around Katie, even hug Arielle good night, but whenever my eyes landed on Alex, I tensed up so tightly I knew I'd be sore the next day. "If you're ever in New York or whatever."

He nodded and smiled. He would be visiting his old apartment. I wondered how that would make him feel. Was it the same when I walked into his house and noticed different shoes by the door than mine? Would the emptiness of his presence leave him uneasy? "I'd like that," Alex said.

"Thanks for having me." We reached the door and the end of the night but we stayed awkwardly staring at each other.

"Course. Text me when you're back at the hotel and safe and all that." He was drunk, rambling with an incapability of holding his tongue.

I smiled. "I will."

I didn't know whether to hug him or not. He leaned forward and kissed me. It wasn't affectionate. It was a peck. The kind my mother used to give me when left for school in the morning. Of course, she was my mother and I was 7 and Alex was drunk and I was, well, awkward. 

I said, "Night," and turned away. We never talked about it because there was nothing to talk about. It very well could have been a kiss on the cheek just like I gave Katie and Breana before they left. Of course, that was Katie and Breana and this was Alex—no longer mine.

*

Rain pattered against the window. Jackson and I returned to New York a week prior and we were now sitting in my apartment, drinking, and about to call Opal to join us. I felt dizzy and Jackson looked sleepy. It had been a long month.

"So," he said, "what's next?"

I finished off my glass. "What do you mean?" The year felt empty as the cold was beginning to creep into my summer warmth. 2012 was a bumpy year where so much yet so little happened. I was growing sick of my apartment because no matter how rid it was of Alex, he still had a whole life with me here. When I returned to it after the book tour, I was ready to move on.

Jackson placed his arm on the back of the couch. The tips of his fingers softly poked at my shoulder. "Now it's time to think about the next book."

I tossed my head back with a groan. "Gimme a break."

He chuckled and placed his empty glass on the end table. "No rush. For now."

I sat up straight, finishing off my glass, and growing more and more serious every day. "Thanks for doing this for me, Jackson."

He nodded. "My pleasure."

"I feel kind of empty," I confessed.

His brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

I didn't feel like explaining it. I was growing tired of doing that with people. My stomach ached and I pushed Alex out of my mind. I felt that I had sacrificed our relationship for this success, even if it wasn't true. I thought I would have been over it by that time of year. It had been over a year. But it still felt so unnatural for him to feel so far removed from my life. Every word we spoke felt tinged with sadness and I didn't want it to feel that way. I wanted to move on.

I kissed Jackson. He kissed back. We never called Opal.

*

Jackson and I started dating in a casual way. We were exclusive to one another and treated each other as a boyfriend and girlfriend would but I suppose my association with dating was always a far deeper connection. I wasn't alone in this. Jackson had long-term girlfriends prior to me. He was older than me, not by some outrageous amount. He was born in 1979, seven years older, but I was 26 and 33 didn't feel so far off.

Opal loved it. She felt like the ultimate matchmaker and wanted to be both the maid of honor and the best man. My New York crew loved him. Fennel and Kaka found him to be rich in conversation. He liked going out more than Alex but then again most people liked going out more than Alex. Except more and more it seemed Alex enjoyed the going out part. (I was taken but I was still a snooping ex-girlfriend).

I didn't tell Alex. It felt awkward to call him up and tell him I got a new boyfriend. I decided to tell him when I saw him again, which didn't come up. He was in Los Angeles. I was in New York. We didn't talk very often either. I think I called him once in October because I couldn't remember the name of a restaurant we went to (he didn't remember either). 

Other than that, there wasn't much reason to talk. We had completely separate lives. But I was aware of what he was up to. I wasn't cyber-stalking him much anymore (only on nights when I was wildly intoxicated). I talked to Katie occasionally and texted Breana from time to time. Things about Alex would slip through the cracks and get to me but the majority of it was just that they were recording their new album.

We had both moved on. Or we were both pretending we did. At least I was pretending, in some form. I thought about him all the time. I didn't feel like a day went by when I didn't think about him. It wasn't in some romantic longing way. I had shared a life with him from such a young age and to be forced apart from it felt unnatural. There were so many jokes and stories that went untold because no one would get it but him.

When I went back home for the holidays, I confided this to my mother. I don't know why, maybe because of what she had told me so many years ago in Florida. I don't know if my mother ever actually liked Alex so I figured if she said awful things about him it would make me feel better. Of course, she didn't.

"It goes away," she said. "One day, you wake up and you're numb to it. You just get numb to it in the end, Jane. All those people you hated and loved turn to nothing. Even the ones you still want to love. You'll be thankful for it when the day comes that you don't feel anything anymore."

I frowned and my mother left me on the couch to fetch another bottle of wine. In retrospect, my mother was suffering from mental illness, but I was oblivious to that because I had grown oblivious to most of my mother's behavior. I just didn't want to engage with it anymore. Maybe part of me was numb toward her.

I didn't want to feel nothing. I couldn't imagine not feeling anything for Alex, even if we remained friends for the rest of our lives. I had tethered so much sentimentality toward him, he might as well have been a knick-knack on my shelf. Letting go of him would be letting go of an entire part of myself. I was content if that part only came out once a year when I saw him but I couldn't let go of it forever.

*

Joanie was having a baby. She likely got pregnant on her honeymoon. Someone my age having a child felt unnatural. I pictured Joanie being a teen mum, not a 26-year-old pregnant woman. She invited me to the baby shower taking place right after Christmas. It was ideal timing since all her closest friends would be in town or, like me, the country.

I debated going but decided that since I missed the wedding the least I could do was go to the baby shower. So, I drove the Beetle up to Wakefield. I figured it would be a mini-reunion. The only one I had seen as of late was Claire, who lived in Bristol now, and I hadn't seen since last winter.

We drove up together and listened to Radio 2 on full blast the whole way. I don't think I had ever felt more like a teenager even when I was a teenager. Claire continued her streak of always being a comfort for me. While other friends might be wedding and birthing, Claire had just ended her two-year-long relationship and gagged in her mouth at the thought of being a mother one day. 

It made me miss England so desperately. I forgot how much I ached to drive, which I hadn't done in years. The closest I had gotten to a car was the one taxi ride home drunk at 4 AM. And to drive on the left side of the road! I hadn't heard someone speak in a British accent since the dinner at Alex's. It eased my ears and made me wonder why I ever left, which just led to me thinking about Alex again.

Claire said, "I hate Alex, which sucks 'cause I like Alex." In a way, it summed up how conflicted I felt. Hate is a strong word but I was resentful for how everything went down. Then again, I probably didn't have much of a right.

Joanie's house was straight out of a picture book. I didn't know houses like that even existed in Wakefield. It wasn't fancy but at the sight of it, you'd call it a home. She had a little garden in the front that she said her husband grew herbs in that she used for cooking. It made Claire and I roll our eyes but we both desperately wanted that kind of companionship. If I ever would learn how to cook or grow plants, maybe that could be my life. I refused to do either, but it was a nice thought.

I bought Joanie—or Joanie's baby—these cozy fleece booties because that's what New York Magazine said to get. I never bought anything for a baby before (I got away with it two years ago during Harper's unmentioned pregnancy of my first nephew, Benjamin, by having my mother buy a gift for me) so I had no clue what to get. I bought Joanie this nice set of body washes that were her favourite when we were 17 with the hope that they either still were or she would feel nostalgic over them.

Claire and I ate a slice of cake and watched Joanie open her presents. Halfway through we turned to each other and decided we were going to go out drinking after. I love Joanie but oohing and awing over baby gifts with a bunch of women I barely knew got old quickly, especially incredibly sober and in the middle of the winter blues. The cake was good though.

The shower ended around 4 and while I was down to get hammered that early, Claire wanted to go out to lunch first. We ended up meeting up with AB at a pub. I hadn't seen AB since 2006 and I nearly cried at the sight of him all grown up. Claire and AB had broken up long ago but stayed in touch as good friends and if they could do it—two incredibly mature people—maybe Alex and I could too. 

AB's girlfriend of two years (and future wife), Shay, joined us as well. It almost made me barf how gorgeous they were together and I was shocked Claire wasn't fuming more over how beautiful Shay was. I was almost fuming over how beautiful Shay was!

AB sipped on a beer, which I don't think I had ever witnessed. He shared it was Shay and I swallowed down my drink at the painful thought that Alex and I once did things like that. I was such a sad sack. I thought about calling Jackson. Thank god I didn't.

We left the pub, hugging AB and Shay goodbye next to the Beetle. Claire and I were going to go back to the hotel to change out of our baby shower clothes and "hit the town.”

We waved goodbye to the couple and that's when I saw Alex with his mum. I turned my back to him and grabbed Claire's arm. "I think I'm gonna vomit."

She looked at me completely puzzled. "What? Why?"

I was so freaked out by the sight of him. I think the unexpected nature of it threw me off-balanced. I had never been that unnerved by the sight of him. My head felt like my brain was about to burst out of my ears. "Get in the car," I harshly muttered to her.

She was still unaware but she raced around the side of the car to get into the passenger seat. We bolted out of there before he crossed the street.

*

It was midnight when I called him. I was definitely drunk, but not wasted, standing outside a club smoking while Claire chatted up with some guy inside. I was freezing and felt so childish for doing it, even in the moment, but I wanted to see him. It shouldn't feel right that I was here and he wasn't.

"Hello." His voice was clear so he hadn't been sleeping. I wonder if he was in bed (with Arielle).

I swallowed whatever dignity I had left and let the rest loose. "Hey. I'm in Wakefield for Joanie's baby shower 'cause apparently we're old enough to have children now and now I'm out with Claire at a club. We drove up together from Bath, well, Bristol for her, Bath for me, but you know that. Jesus. I saw you earlier today and raced into my car because I was so scared by the sight of you, which made me realize I'm not as mature as I thought I was. And it was just after we went to lunch with AB and Shay and Claire and AB still get along like they didn't have this romantic relationship and I know that we get along too but I raced to my car and nearly shit myself. Now, I'm outside a club smoking in the middle of winter because I apparently regress back to teenage tendencies when I'm in Yorkshire or maybe just England in general. Anyway, I'm drunk and I'm thinking this was stupid and it probably is but I know you're probably laughing at me right now but I'm freezing my ass off and I can't figure out how to get back inside the club and Claire isn't answering her phone, which means she's probably shagging someone or something and I wouldn't want to interrupt that, you know, and I probably should just get a cab back to the hotel but I called you for some reason. Well, not for some reason because I'm drunk. Okay, now you talk."

I was out of breath and sure I had just lost my mind. I need another shot of tequila. I felt I was growing too sober to face the repercussions of this. I took a drag of my cigarette and listened to his breathing on the other end of the line.

I could hear his smile. I still had a knack for that kind of thing. "I saw you too, you know."

I slapped my forehead and thought about slamming my head into the brick wall until it broke my skull and my brain gushed out. "Did it look like we were being held at gunpoint?"

He chuckled lowly. "A little. But I must've looked like someone pointed a gun at me. I'd recognize that car anywhere, Janie."

I didn't know what to say. My car was such a sensitive topic for both of us. It was the cornerstone (ha) of our relationship, especially for the car to be returned to its rightful county. I thought I'd feel weird driving it but everything felt right like it was a complete homecoming. Like nature had found its way and every piece fell perfectly into the puzzle.

"I thought I would be grown up by now," I confessed.

He suppressed a laugh. "I like you this way. Makes me feel less alone."

"How so?"

He waited, not wanting to fully let the truth go but it was me he was talking to. There wasn't much point in lying. "I've called you in various states of intoxication too."

"Not after running to your car," I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure I'll do it one of these days." It was a silence but a vibration rang across the line to one another. Call it a vibe or a wavelength or just a feeling, but I could feel him like he was standing right next to me. "Where are you?"

It was so embarrassing I laughed. "Che & Coco." It was Barnsley College's resident bar and nightclub. The average age of the crowd was barely 20 and I felt like such a loser trying to claim that nostalgia is what made me want to club there.

"Geez, you really are down bad." His laughter rang through the phone and I nearly hung up due to how beet red my face was. He laughed and laughed. I could picture him with his hands on his knees, walking home from Will's house, unable to breathe he was laughing so hard. Then, I couldn't breathe. "You want me to pick you up?"

I'd like that a lot but I couldn't take it. That was a bridge too far. "No, no. I'll just call a taxi or something. Maybe even walk. My hotel isn't that far."

"You're gonna walk in Barnsley at midnight? Hope you don't get hit with a beer bottle," he joked. That had happened to Will back in the day. I'm convinced it made him even dumber if that's possible.

"I've walked later than this in New York," I reasoned.

"Janie," he stopped me, "I'd like to see you if you won't run away from me."

I sighed. "I'll see you in 20. I'll be waiting on Peel." Because maybe I would like to see him too.

He pulled up in his mum's car. It wasn't her car from way back in the day but it made him feel sophomoric to me. His hair wasn't gelled up, instead falling around in tendrils of combed-back magic. He had a hoodie on and a smile on his face. He honked the horn of the car and I dashed across the street to his car.

The car was warm, at least warmer than outside where I had been suffering. I tugged my coat closer and put my seatbelt on. "Hi."

Alex smiled over at me. "Hi." He pulled back onto the road and I couldn't remember the last time he had driven me. "How've you been?"

I shrugged in his peripheral vision. "Fine. Christmas was fine. My dad bought me Slouching Toward Bethlehem."

Alex laughed. "About 10 years too late."

"Yeah, but at least he's trying. I can't remember the last time he bought me a gift." My mother handled all the presents, something she was rather good at, even if it always felt like she didn't know me.

We stopped at a red light. "I didn't get anything for you," he said while looking over at me.

"Well, I didn't get you anything either." First time in eight years. It didn't even cross my mind. "This is enough of a present anyway."

He nodded in agreement. "Good." I believed him. The nod of his head told me that this meant as much to me as it did to me. Drunk actions are sober thoughts and sometimes I just wanted to hear his voice.

We kept driving. I had yet to tell him any directions. He was headed the right way but I wouldn't have had the willpower to tell him anyway. I liked driving around with him. I liked just this. The vibration of the road beneath us and the scent of him washing over me. The slowness of Yorkshire and the heat of him beside me. It made everything feel right.

"Arielle come with you?"

He rubbed his eye. He looked tired. "Nah. She went to her parents’." I nodded and he waited, looking over at me. I stared at him blankly. He looked back at the road and kept the car moving. "What about, uh, Jackson?"

My head snapped toward him. "He's at his parents’." I picked at my nails. I didn't want to talk about this. Why did it feel like I was cheating on him? It felt like Alex had died and I was some widower trying to move on but his ghost was coming back to shame me.

"Katie mentioned something," he muttered.

"Yeah," I explained, "just a few months."

He nodded slowly. "He's a nice guy." I laughed out loud. He laughed too, for some reason. "What?"

I shook my head. "We don't have to talk about my boyfriend."

"Okay. We don't have to talk about Arielle." It was probably some form of cheating, emotionally. We gazed at one another and never acted on anything, but the aftertaste of it didn't feel right. But in the moment, everything had fallen perfectly into place.

We went nowhere and neither of us said a single thing about it. The drive from the club to my hotel was ten minutes. We drove around for an hour.

"Joanie's house is beautiful. It's like my dream house. It isn't big but it's not a cottage or anything. But it's quaint. She's got plants and I never thought Joanie could take care of a living thing and now she's gonna have a baby," I told him. I fiddled with the radio, even though we weren't gonna listen to it.

"Are you sure they aren't fake?" He joked. I chuckled and hit his shoulder. "Eh! Watch it. I'm driving here, missy."

I held my hands up as a defense. I eased them back down with a giggle and tugged on my seatbelt strap. "You know, I thought I'd have a baby by now."

He snorted. "No, you did not."

"At one point I did. I mean, back before you. Like when I was still playing with dolls." 

He laughed again and everything made sense. "Good thing you don't. You can't even keep a plant alive."

"They're not self-sufficient enough."

"And you think a baby will be easier?"

"Not anymore but at six I did! It was right around when Stacey was born. I took good care of her."

Alex felt warm with a smile. "You did." He was an only child but at times I felt he might consider her a sister too. She considered him a brother. He had been around since she was 11. She was only a little over a year away from graduating university. 

"Granted I didn't have to breastfeed her."

It was still dark outside but it felt like the sun was rising in that car. "You wouldn't be happy living Joanie's life."

"How do you know?" I questioned. "Maybe if I was settled I'd feel better."

Alex's jaw gaped. He breathed a laugh and I looked over at him curiously. "Jane, you'd be losing your mind. The whole time I knew you here, you were begging to get out of here."

"Maybe I had it all wrong."

He shook his head, never looking over at me, just driving. "You're a completely different person because you got out of here. You're gonna get all that stuff one day. The kid, the garden, whatever the fuck you want, but you'd never have what you have no if you stayed put. You always knew what you wanted. Your gut is always right. I've learned that."

I sighed and accepted he was right. "Grass is always greener, I guess."

"Yeah," he agreed. "But I think you have the greenest grass. You're the one who's a bestseller."

I rolled my eyes and leaned on the center console. "She's the one with the husband and baby."

He scoffed, "So is half the world. You have a tough time being proud of your accomplishments."

I gasped. "Look who's talking. My god!"

Alex chuckled and it felt like food for my soul. Fertilizer to my soil to keep growing. "Fair enough. But be cocky every once and a while, Janie. You deserve it."

I took what he said to heart but ignored him. I wanted to talk about something else. I wanted to put my feet in his lap and ride to Charlton Brook. Instead, I leaned back and looked at him. "We used to talk about the future so much and now it's come and gone."

"You're not dead yet." But we were. I think that's what I really meant. All those things I had planned with him and I had to be content with letting them go. Watching those promises slip through my fingers. I had no right to feel that way but it's all I felt.

I wanted to tell him I loved him with the windows rolled down and the cold air rushing in because he used to let me do that. I believe that right had been revoked. "I missed it here." The truth was hidden in those words, in between the lines, deep in those letters, stuffed in between them.

He hummed, glancing over. "Me too. Everything feels a little simpler."

I heard the radio speaking, ringing some familiar tune that I couldn't think of the name. Maybe if it had been a little simpler and Alex and I stayed there forever, in the car ride between Wakefield and High Green, we'd have a house, a garden, a ring, a little thing on the way. 

But I would've missed out on a lot more. I would have missed out on a lot of Alex. How he was with his hair long in the middle of Joshua Tree, looking over at me instead of the night sky. How he made up our bed in our London studio apartment into a couch because we didn't have enough space for one. How he felt sitting next to me on the C train at 2 AM. How he felt in the dead of winter in Yorkshire, somehow ending up at my hotel with a hoodie I used to wear and a smile he still wears just for me.

I'll never know otherwise. And that's fine.

*

a/n: this was a struggle but i think it landed right in the end. much, much more to come.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - June

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 30.06.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

gif-requests are currently closed🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in April with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. Blue Boys Part 2 🇰🇷 (1/4)

They are back and they made up 🥰 There is going to be a little bit drama, at least I hope just a little bit and not another break up or cheating -.- But they talked and I really liked it! And I loved that this stupid bitch got dumbed! Now I wait for the next parts.

2. Hidamari ga Kikoeru 🇯🇵 (1/12)

And with this first scene I fell in love. I was totally absorbed! And I got my giffing joy back. I don't know what happend, but I adore these two. And I can't wait to whitness their story to be told! Because they're in balance right now. One is loud and one is silent. One is hiding and one is seeking. And both are happy to see the other one happy.

3. His Man Season 3 🇰🇷 (4/?)

I love this format! I enjoyed the first two seasons to the max and the third one is something else too. There are so many different people with different personalities and thinkings. As always there is some kind of tension and love triangles, but there are some really wholesome moments too. I really hope people keep in mind that these people have their own feelings and not a script to act on.

4. My Love Mix-Up! 🇹🇭 (4/12)

I see so many posts from people not liking this one and I am sitting here enjoying this story. I don't compare it to anything. i just enjoy some awkward fluff. And I think the casting is quite good. I don't have the strongest feeling for the japanese original. I really enjoyed it and it is a great series, but I think the thai one is entertaining too and the chemistry between those two is still there.

5. My Stand-In 🇹🇭 (10/12)

I loved this scene! The way Ming caressed Joe and the way he fucked him, finally facing him. Thank you! Tong is a stupid shitface. He is such a bad fucker. I have some strong feelings here. And yes, I liked the progress of Ming's and Joe's relationship. I don't like the ending, but I liked seeing them happy together. Perhaps mostly because I want to see Joe happy. The ending was cruel and next week comes episode 11 so... yay...

6. Wandee Goodday 🇹🇭 (9/12)

Do I like it when they kiss? Hell yeah! Do I like the back and forth with the kisses? Hell no! At this point I don't know where they are going with the story. It is quite repetitive. Yak wants a kiss, Dee plays shy. Yak smiles and kisses him on the cheek and they live happily like boyfriends, but they aren't boyfriends, even though they both like each other! At least Yak finally understood his feelings. Now please let Dee work on his problems. There are three more episodes to go. Let them be happy and work on their problems together! It gets a little bit boring...

7. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (20/36)

Those two flirt a lot and are a married couple. Everyone knows that. And I love and enjoy that! Overall this is such a fun watch and the different sects and intrigues are sometimes a little bit confusing, but interesting. I love this world of martial arts and I love how protective Wen Kexing is over Zhou Zishu. I haven't felt like watching this lately. I wasn't in the right mood.

Finished in June

Series

Taxi Driver 🇰🇷

I looooved the first episodes, when we got our weekly revenge stories. But around episode 12 there was so much going on with the police and the illegal organ-trafficing-ring and it got kind of boring. And yes, Kim Do-gi is some kind of super human. He can take punch after punch and still beat 30 men in a row. That is a little bit unrealistic, but it was fun watching him. I don't know if I'll watch season 2. Perhaps I start and watch the first episodes with joy before some big shit happens and it gets boring again... But overall still a 7,5 out of 10 for me.

25 Ju, Akasaka de 🇯🇵

They finally talked! Thank god! They finally spoke to each other! And now they are happy and Japan delivered, I must say. The misunderstanding trope was well done, but a little bit drawn out in the end. But I really liked this not so slow burning slow burn. The story was well rounded with the background story, the characters had depth and there was Nagumo Shoma in this soooo... I liked it. A good 9 out of 10 for me.

Cityboy_Log 🇰🇷

Volume 3 came to an end, I guess. I don't know when it will continue. I really hated this "season". It was confusing and the time jumps were disturbing and I really hated the character development. The lying and the cheating and the escalations and the make ups - they lost the characters and their growth on the way. It can be to be attracted to some one else, that is humane, but you don't have to act on it. This "season" really pissed me off. I am still mad! I won't rate it, jsut because the format is confusing for me 😂

Only Boo 🇹🇭

This was a dancy ride with the last part missing the beat. I loved the fluff and Moo was such a delightful character and Kang is such a sweetheart. I loved these two together! And I loved that Moo had to fight a little bit to get Kang. What I didn't like was the fact, that in the end it all felt too rushed and too easy? I like that they got together again and that Moo still could fullfill his dream, but it would be nice if we could have seen him starting a little revolution and the fans rooting for him and Kang and finally changing something. But that didn't happen. But over all this one was such a sweet wholesome watch! So in the end it is a 8,5 out of 10 for me.

Short Film

Movie

Double Mints 🇯🇵

Can I say I am a little bit disappointed? Don't get me wrong. This is a good movie, but it is always depicted as this fucked up, dark movie you should be warned to watch and named in one breath with Dangerous Dr*gs of S*x or The Shortest Distance Is Round. And yes, it is brutal and dark and their relationship is interesting but kind of messed up, but it did not meet my expectations. Nevertheless I really liked it and from all those dark movies and series I watched so far, this is one of the better ones. I really like the devotion and enjoyed watching the D/s relationship. The ending was very much fitting for this kind of movie and kind of romantic. Yes, this sounds fucked up, but I guess both of them were very much on the edge and this is the only solution for them to be together forever and become one again. They found each other and that is all they needed. Guess I liked this movie more than I first thought. So for me it gets a good 8,5 out of 10.

Dropped in June

Looking forward to in June

My Love Mix-Up - Trailer (June 7th)

Love Sea - Trailer (June 9th)

Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (June 14th in cinemas)

SunsetxVibes - Pilot (June 15th)

His Man Season 3 (June 21st)

I Hear the Sunspot (June 26th)

The Rebound - Trailer (June 26th)

The Trainee - Trailer (June 30th)

Blue Boys Part 2 - Trailer (June 18th)

Born to be Y - Teaser (allegedly in June)

[choicesficwriterscreations]

July Creator of the Month: Eadanga

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @eadanga

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Tumblr Blog Name: Eadanga How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Esang

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I don't remember the year, but I started playing when it was only The Crown & The Flame, The Freshman, and Most Wanted. I thought it was a rip-off of Episode because many apps like that exist. The first book I started playing was The Crown & The Flame, and then I got bored of it, so I tried The Freshman, and I was hooked. Been playing ever since 😃

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined about four years ago. I was in a Choices group on Facebook and saw people sharing fanfics. I first thought it was an ad, but when I looked, it was a fanfic, and it was amazing. That's when I joined so I could read more, and then I posted one of my own that I wrote.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

Literally, it's just my name. I didn't think I'd be here long, not to mention posting. It's the first letter of my name, Esang, and my last name, Adanga. Maybe one day I'll change it 🤣😂

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

This was my first post. I saw people making stories in the Choices group and decided to make one of my own. I didn't think it would get much attention, but it did 😁

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

I write fanfiction, but I’m not really good at making art, lol

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

Let's see, I think I started in 2020. Choices is the only fandom I write for.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

The Freshman and The Royal Romance will always be my number one favorite books to read and write for 😁

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

This was my favorite, and I'll never change anything about it. It is so romantic, hehe 😍

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

This one wrote it for @flowerpowell, and even though she doesn't post anymore, it was so much fun to write something for her. 

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

It's definitely my Deepest Desire series. I didn't expect people to enjoy it, especially @littlegreenmoo, who was having a field day with that series 🤣. Chris's Journal could have been better; a little bit more detail would have made it pop.

11- (WRITERS) If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

I hate angst, and I haven't written smut since my Deepest Desire series 🤣 so fluff all the way. I love happy endings 😁

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

I put some of me in my MCs, like when they're cooking, cause I love to cook 😁

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Keeping up with a schedule. I make one, but then real life gets in the way, and I gotta change it.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Eternal Love, I haven't written for that in a long time. I just got caught up with other fanfics, and then you lose inspiration, but I will get back to it one day.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

Yes, I would love to show them, but I've shown my work without people asking. I've shown my best friend my work; she didn't ask. I just showed it to her, and she enjoyed it. I've shown my mom, too. She constantly told me to send it somewhere and get paid even though I only write for fun, not as a job. I stopped showing her after that because she was tired of hearing that.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

@maxattackpowell and @drivenbyfantasy are both no longer here, but their fanfics inspired mine. I’m grateful to both of them for that. 

17- (WRITERS)  Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

The Graduate would make a great movie or Choices book, hehe.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

Choices is my first fandom.

19-  What other hobbies do you have?

I love cooking and baking, watching anime (I'm a total anime nerd 🤣), spending time with my baby @choicesgodfanatic, reading Archie comics, watching cartoons, praise dancing, and writing episode stories. 

20- BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to)

Thanks to everyone who enjoys all my stories, and don't ever worry about me leaving cause I'm here to stay. Choices is why I met my amazing love @choicesgodfanatic. It's part of our love story, and I'll never give up on it.

Plus, I've met some wonderful people here and never want to leave them. So glad you all enjoy my fanfics, and look out for many more cause more is coming your way 😁

[coquitokisses]

Trusting Again | chapter 002: the bombing

Word count: 1557

a/n: im gonna try to not put too much dialogues from the movies, yes, there will be some, but I'll try to not put too much.. it's tiring lol

series masterlist • previous chapter • next chapter

📍London

After we went to Peggy's funeral, Steve wanted to walk Sharon back to the hotel so Sam and I are currently in the lobby waiting for him.

"What do we think about Sharon?" Sam asked "And Steve."

"She's okay." I shrugged "If he likes her, then good for him."

"Thought you two were friends."

I let out a breathy chuckle. "I'm not friends with everyone who worked at SHIELD, Sam." I rolled my eyes

"You talked about her like you guys were friends."

"I mean, we've talked and we've obviously worked together, kinda, but I don't think friends describe our relationship."

"You hate her?"

"No, I just.. I haven't spent that much time with her to say if I like her or not."

"You're a rare breed, Cat," he rolled his eyes "you don't got any friends."

"That's not true." I looked at him "I got you."

"We're friends?" he raised an eyebrow

"Oh go to hell" I rolled my eyes and he started laughing

Yes, we are friends. We've been friends since we met, literally. But he's a pain in the ass sometimes. And I'm sure he says the same thing about me.

I looked up at the tv that was in the lobby and saw that they were talking about a bombing that happened in Vienna at the UN. And they had a video of the suspect and when I saw who it was, my jaw literally dropped on the floor.

"Look." I nudged Sam and pointed at the tv

"Holy shit." He muttered "Come on."

We got up from our seats and walked over to Steve who was talking with Sharon at the elevators.

"Steve." I called him and they both turned around

"There's something you gotta see." Sam said

In that moment Sharon received a call and after she answered it, she told us to go up to her room. Once we were there, Steve immediately turned on the tv so we could see the news.

"More than 70 people have been injured, at least 12 are dead including Wakanda's King T'Chaka. Officials have released a video of a suspect who they have identified as James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier, the infamous HYDRA agent..."

As they put on the video which clearly showed Bucky's face, I saw over at Steve and saw how he took a deep breath and how his body tensed.

"How the fuck..?" Sam said in a low voice since Sharon was on the phone

"That's impossible." I whispered

"What do you mean? They have a photo of him as evidence, Cat."

"Who cares about the photo, this doesn't make any sense." I sighed as I kept watching the news "There's just.. there's no way."

I really couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"I have to go to work." Sharon said

(...)

📍Vienna

So we flew to Vienna and we're currently in a little coffee shop. Steve is kinda freaking out with this whole Bucky thing, I don't blame him, I would be too if I didn't know where he has been all this time.

But I do know.

So I know he didn't do it. He wasn't even in Vienna.

"Try this." Sam gave me a piece of his dessert

"No, thanks." I shook my head

"Just try it."

"Oh my god." I rolled my eyes grabbing the fork and I ate what was on it

"Is good, right?" He looked at me waiting for my response

"It is." I replied with my mouth full and I gave him back the fork

I'm still kinda processing this whole thing. It just doesn't make sense that Bucky did it, last time I checked he wasn't even in Vienna. I gotta admit, it has been kinda hard to keep track of him, but thank god for my trainers.

A few minutes later, Steve came into the shop and sat with us after talking with Natasha.

"She tell you to stay out of it?" I asked him, he only sighed

"She might have a point, you know?" Sam said

"He'd do it for me." Steve replied

"1945 maybe." Sam responded "I'm just tryna make sure we consider all our options, the people who shoot at you usually end up shooting at us too."

"He's not lying tho." I shrugged and Steve looked at us before we saw Sharon coming in

"Tips have been pouring in since the footage went public." she said in a low voice as she stood besides Steve "Everybody thinks the Winter Soldier goes to their gym, most of it's noise, except for this." she discreetly handed a folder to Steve "My boss expects a briefing pretty much now so that's all the head start you're gonna get."

"Thank you." Steve said

"You're gonna have to hurry, we have orders to shoot on sight." she said before walking away again

"Still thinking she's just okay?" Sam looked at me

"Yes." I nodded

"She literally just handed Steve information on Bucky."

"She likes him." I rolled my eyes

"How do you know? Thought y'all weren't friends."

"I don't need to be her friend to notice that, you idiot, it's clear you're a guy."

"Someone clearly doesn't like Sharon." He rolled his eyes

"I never said that!" I said "You sound like such a kiss ass!"

"I am not!" He defended himself "I'm literally on Steve's side! As long as she gives us information, we're good." he shrugged

"You're an ass." I shook my head chuckling

"Both of you better keep it down or shut up, we're in public." Steve told us "We have to go."

"Go? Again?" I looked at him “Go where?”

"Romania." He replied grabbing the folder

“Oh my god, we keep getting further and further away.��� I ran my hands over my face “I miss New York.”

"Come on, we have to go." He told us

"But I haven't finished my little dessert." Sam looked at him

"Ask for a to-go plate, dude." I stood up from my chair

"Damn it, man." he clicked his tongue

(...)

📍Bucharest

While Steve and Sam went to the location that Sharon gave us, I stayed in the car, I'm not tryna get killed, again. Besides, this one's on Cap, I'm only here for moral support (hopefully). And I'm listening to the radio in case they say any news. While also reading a magazine.

And in case they're about to die.

"Can you hear me?" Sam asked through the earpiece

"Yes, this is the third time you ask." I told him

"Don't move." Steve said "We might need you."

"I know" I rolled my eyes as I passed the page on my magazine "Please be careful, both of you."

"Always." Steve replied

And I just sat there, listening to the radio, reading the freaking magazine and waiting for the guys to tell me if I needed to speed down the fucking road.

Minutes passed. And I haven't heard them say anything in a while which made me worry a little but I decided to just stay chill and don't freak out. They will call if they need help.

And speaking of the devil..

"You need to come now!" Sam yelled making me jump a little

"Where are you?" I asked him throwing the magazine on the back seat

"We're on the same tunnel we took to come here!" he said "Ah, shit!" he groaned "Hurry up, dude!"

"I'm on my way."

I put the car on drive and pressed on that pedal very hard. I was at the tunnel in no time, but it wasn't that far away either.

"Holy. Shit." my mouth dropped when I saw the amount of police cars that were there

And I'm assuming they're following the guys, of course.

"Are you here?" Sam asked

"Yes, but there are too many cops, I can't see you guys." I told him as I sped up trying to pass the cops

This is fucking insane, we're getting arrested for sure.

"There are too many cops! It's literally impossible to go through!" I told him

"I have this guy onto me, dude, hurry up!" Sam said

"I literally can't!"

"Hit them or shoot them, I don't know! Fucking do something!" He yelled

"Fuck!" I hit the wheel and I took my gun out of my holster

I held the wheel with one hand and with the other one I snuck my hand out and shoot the cops tires so that I could finally pass through.

"I see you." I said to Sam when I saw him and he indeed had a guy onto him

I heard an explosion and I saw how the top of the tunnel started falling so I immediately hit the breaks, Sam stopped and moved his legs upwards making the dude go into the falling concrete. Sam stood back on the ground and I got out of the car to run up to him.

"Are you okay?" I asked him

"Yeah, I'm fine." He nodded "Ah shit."

A bunch of cops came around us pointing guns at us and yelling to put our hands up.

"Well, we're fucked." I sighed lifting my hands

They made us walk up to where Steve was and once we were there, I saw how they were arresting Bucky on the floor.

It's safe to say that they arrested us all.

Likes and reblogs will be appreciated!

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[teethcritter]

Alright, so. Finn and Princess Bubblegum. Yeah, yeah. Hero and the princess, a story as old as time. We all know the princess in question is by no means into boys, as Patience put it.

So what happens when we look at their relationship from a purely professional standpoint? A lot!

So, let's start with some background information, at least in my view of the characters. I think personally, that it makes sense for PB to have known Finn for a while before season 1. I like to think that she actually helped Jake with raising him, as she probably would've checked on the tree house from time to time with all her surveillance issues and a certain vampire breakup. And I mean, who's to say she wasn't in contact with Joshua and Margaret as well? They had, supposedly, the only human left in their hands. She would've been interested in that. She would've been very interested in that.

Now, let's take a moment to consider what being partially raised by a princess / mad scientist would do to your brain. Let's take a moment to consider what being a knight at such a young age would do to your brain. Clearly a number since the very first episode of the series is Finn and PB causing a zombie apocalypse.

PB was shown in a very morally grey light right from the start. What Have You Done?(s1ep24) is one of my all time favorite episodes because of how well it's portrayed.

Finn is pretty willing to cross her in this episode once he realizes that the right thing is not what she asked of him, but it certainly sets the groundwork of the CONSEQUENCES for doing so; as well as "The princess is always right," mentality he seems to have for most of the series. (A/N: these clips are taken out of context of the full episode, I highly recommend you watch the full thing to understand what happens in it, why PB and Finn do what they do, etc. This goes for all the eps I'll mention.)

As Finn ages, we see his relationship with PB change a LOT. Even after he gets over his crush, he still seems to worship her. In a way that she's kinda conditioned him to.

A very important thing to note while I talk about this, especially around this part, is that I STRONGLY believe that neither of these characters are in the wrong in the relationship. I don't think one is abusing or manipulating the other. It's a two way street. They are both making it worse.

The next episode I'm going to reference is Princess Cookie(s4ep13) (Another A/N: I apologize for the google drive links from here on out, Tumblr only allows one video per post. Cringe.)

By this point, Jake is willing to cross PB AND FINN in the name of doing the right thing. Finn however, is not. As we can see clearly here. Jake has a criminal past. Jake understands that crimes are often committed by people with a very messed up mental state. Those people need help, not a lifetime in the dungeon. But clearly, Finn doesn't get that. Which is not his fault whatsoever. He's been a knight since at least age 12.

I also find this dialogue from the same episode incredibly interesting. I know Jake was playing a part here. I know he was trying to de-escalate the situation so that PB wouldn't send in the guards, but these words still left his mouth.

And I don't know, the fact that he quickly had to correct himself makes this seem genuine to me.

This concept can actually be explored further in Burning Low(s4ep16) which is literally two episodes after this.

I was originally going to avoid Burning Low in this analysis, despite it being one of my favorites, but it is pretty important to the relationship between Finn/Jake and PB. It doesn't take much for Jake to flip out on PB in this episode, which is a drastic contrast from his demeanor in the first half of it. It really makes me consider the fact that he could have some deeply rooted issues with her. Or even, some deeply rooted issues with how much time Finn spends with her.

Another small note from this episode, is this.

We know for a FACT that this is not romantic jealousy in the slightest. I think that Bubblegum has gotten so used to being worshipped by Finn, that now that there's someone in the way — especially someone who she has such a strained relationship with — there is this weird jealousy. Not because she's in love with Finn, but because he's growing up. Because she isn't the sole princess in his life anymore. Because she has one less person 100% fixed on her and her alone. Because Finn is HER knight.

Alright, now before we move onto season 5, there's one more thing from season 4 that is worth talking about. This scene in The Lich(s4ep26).

This scene is one of the most disturbing scenes in the whole show for me, because of a few reasons. First of all, this is after Burning Low. This is after both of them have their explosions at her. But this is about Finn. Finn, right now, thinks that PB is jealous of him and Flame Princess. He thinks that now that there's someone in the way, that suddenly she cares. Which isn't entirely wrong, as I stated in the previous paragraph.

I think that her reaction here was partially a trauma response. Her reaction to Finn in general around this time period could be in relation to Mr. Cream Puff as well, since as we see in Bonnibel Bubblegum(s10ep4), was not a consensual relationship. Of course though, his pursuits were unwanted. Her reactions don't have to be because of a specific thing. She said no, case and point.

Now, I'm not going to get into the insanity of Farmworld Dimension, but I do think it's interesting that this interaction is the last one between the original Finn and PB. Of course Finn after Farmworld is still technically the original because of the paradox Jake created, but it's still interesting to me. Anyways, like I said, I'm not going to get into that in much detail.

Onto season 5! Frost and Fire(s5ep30) is a hard watch. But I rewatched it for this and actually made a connection that I've never made before. Jake says to chase the Cosmic Owl dream, which leads Finn down this road of manipulation. I don't put Jake at fault whatsoever, I highly doubt he expected Finn to do what he did. Finn fucked up — Aaand... I can draw some pretty distinct parallels between Finn and Flame Princess' breakup, and PB and Marceline's breakup.

Frost and Fire

Obsidian(AT:DL ep2)

After the breakup, Finn is not in the best mental state, obviously. He still doesn't understand what he did wrong and I think that's partly what's eating away at him. He doesn't understand what happened. But in a desperate attempt at getting back to normalcy, he gives himself entirely up to PB again. And then we get this line from the episode Rattleballs(s5ep46)!

PB tells him to relax, and he goes off to fight things in a dump. As you do. He finds Rattleballs there and after some training, Finn asks how he ended up here. Rattleballs explains that he escaped Bubblegum's mass execution. And he asks Finn to not out him, but loyalty to the Princess comes first.

Finn thought that Rattleballs and PB could talk it out at this point. Which they did kinda end up doing. But that is so goddamn interesting to me. He doesn't know the lengths of which PB goes, but it's so clear that deep down he DOES acknowledge that something is not right with her. Which means by proxy, something's not right with him either.

I'm going to break away from the show here to reference the comics. I know they're not canon, however the Princess and Princess graphic novel doesn't really contradict anything from the show, so I think this is of note. Finn isn't scared of her, he's scared what she'll do to other people. Very interesting.

Okay, back to the show.

In Hot Diggity Doom(s6ep42), PB loses the crown. This interaction is one that stands out to me.

Obviously the situation is tense. They don't want to serve a dillweed, but "We pledged our allegiance to you," freaks me out a bit! We didn't see this happen. This was before Slumber Party Panic(s1ep1). We don't know how Finn and Jake became her knights. They also seem to be aware of something relating to Cream Puff, as both of them know he died somehow. They both mention in it Slumber Party Panic. Besides exploding when scared, candy people don't die of natural causes as far as we've seen thus far. I do wonder what happened to that guy.

And this monologue in The Thin Yellow Line(s7ep25) doesn't make me feel any better about it. I am fully aware that implying PB did something to him is grasping at straws from what we're given, but hey! It's PB. And boy oh boy, is it interesting to consider that maybe Finn and Jake knew that.

Moving on from that random headcanon though, I want to talk about how Finn reacts to all that information from Banana Guard 16. Obviously he embellished the truth there. PB did what she had to do for the most part, although... not very ethically. Finn knows that. He knew a good chunk of that by this point in the series, and his opinion on her hasn't seemed to have changed. When he actually sees PB at the end, he realizes that maybe Banana guard 16 was right. Maybe she is gonna take him apart. So he, y'know, does a super sneaky thing and switches the guards. Instead of taking to her about it, he puts an innocent guard to death, as far as he knows. And we all know that she didn't actually do anything to anyone in that episode, she even says she's not proud of her past!! Growth!!! We love to see it. Though Finn, seems to have gotten worse.

He's gotten better socially, as he makes up with Flame Princess in Bun Bun(s8ep6), but worse professionally.

And here we go! Another parallel in Varmints(s7ep2).

At the beginning of Islands, we get my favorite scene in the whole show. We get Fern, PB, and Marceline seeing the gang off. And then we get a very interesting interaction between Finn and PB. She explains that if he finds humans, he might find out some heavy stuff about where he came from. She makes him promise that he'll come back to Ooo. And he doesn't promise. They hug, and he leaves. And she says, "He'll be safe." But clearly she doesn't believe herself. Finn, in my eyes, is probably the most important person in PB's life next to Marceline. And she's terrified that he's gonna leave his family for blood.

In season 9, when Elements starts, and Finn and Jake are greeted with the candy tree house, Finn automatically assumes that it was PB, which is something I don't see talked about a lot.

And wow, speaking of season 9! Fern would not have died the first time if PB didn't install a FATALITY SETTING TO THE WEED WACKER. Just a thought. Just an observation, if you will.

Then by season 10, he pretty much spends the entire season trying to prevent the war she's starting. And then in Obsidian, he's still ready to be by her side at the drop of a hat. And to top it all off—

In Together Again, even in death, his first thought for outside help, is her.

This never ended. They never fixed any of these problems. Finn is the knight of a dictator. Even if he wants to be ethical, he can't be. And I think somewhere, he knows that.

I'll probably go into seasons 7-10 deeper at some point in the future but tumblr's image limit for this post was hit a while ago LMFAO

TL;DR if you're going to talk about PB's wrongdoings, you can't pretend Finn is innocent. I strongly believe neither of them are bad people, and that they really do need each other. But that's not good. They actively make each other worse.

[bestworstcase]

Hi again. I've continued to read through... well, whatever the almighty algorithim feels like suggesting (searching here is hard even when you have an idea where to start, which I don't), and my mental state can be best represented by this little gem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZWK5IBuVMM&t=298s (Is this necessary? No. Do I think it's funny and worth sharing? Yes, and to an extent that's kinda what this site is all about)

Anyway, a pretty common thread I've noticed in your theories is "Summer is an up-to-now-offscreen agent of Salem by choice." While you definitely make a good case even from the limited amount I've seen, I have to ask: when and where did these thoughts originate from in the first place? I mean, I can *kinda* see where you connected some of the dots, but it's still a huge leap compared to the initially perfectly sensible conclusion of her being dead or otherwise incapacitated.

(Oh, and if this could be answered similarly to my last question, then I can at least say that I have loose plans for a thorough notepad-and-magnifying-glass rewatch of the whole series over the imminent summer after a warmup with Spirited Away, so we'll see how that goes. Maybe I'll look back at myself a few months from now and laugh at my relatively foolish ways; wouldn't be the first time, anyway)

i’d joke that it’s about the Vibes TM but what it comes down to really is the way rwby handles foreshadowing. as for the "when and where" part i couldn’t remember so i went looking.

let me take you on a little journey

these messages on 7/27 are my first direct reference to the idea of summer joining salem but i think (based on my phrasing) that i must have had it in mind for a while prior, which given that this was eight whole days after i’d finished watching the show at all. well. if i had to guess i’d say i probably went "okay so yes but also no" after ruby went "that’s what happened to mom" in 8.11

and the reason for that is pretty simple:

there is a lot of build up in v1-8 to summer’s fate being a Big Fucking Deal; this, in combination with the careful phrasing the narrative always uses regarding her disappearance—she "never came back” or she was "taken," it’s never said that she died—means she’s still alive.

salem met summer rose 12-14 years ago. the hound is a novelty to everyone, including salem’s own inner circle, and salem herself describes him as an "experiment." ruby jumps to a conclusion that doesn’t add up with information the audience knows that she doesn’t.

but, it’s unlikely that ruby is entirely wrong: think about tyrian waxing poetic about his "goddess" and ruby with no hesitation saying "cinder." she was both incorrect (his "goddess" is salem) but partially right (cinder is salem’s protégée and tyrian is here at all because cinder asked salem to deal with ruby).

in v4 we get a look at salem’s evil boardroom (there are two seats conspicuously left empty) and then see salem receiving a seer call from someone stationed at beacon, after it’s been firmly established that none of the agents we know about is there. we don’t see who is on the other end of this call, and we only hear salem’s side (note the incongruity with how seer calls are depicted in every other case; the identity of the beacon agent is withheld from the audience deliberately).

in v5 raven is so scornful of summer rose that she decides "you sound just like your mother" deserves an immediate fireball from cinder fall to the face. in v9 she was big goofy grins at summer. SOMETHING REALLY BAD HAPPENED. and i don’t think this dramatic change is explicable by raven simply watching summer fail and die or be captured; else she’d just be calling summer a fool the same way she does qrow and tai. that says betrayal.

so we know that summer met salem. we know that she did not die and cannot have been made into a hound-like creature (because he’s a new experiment). summer being alive probably rules out her being a ‘failed’ experiment, since that would undoubtedly have been fatal. ruby’s assumption that summer was twisted into a grimm-thrall by salem is incorrect but likely not too far off from the truth, and we know SOMETHING happened during that last mission that shattered raven’s trust in summer, and the simplest answer there is that summer is with salem but willingly.

and salem has a Mystery Lieutenant who’s been stationed at beacon since it fell. math! to my mind the only real questions are why and if summer might have been partially grimmed a la cinder, because in v8 the narrative starts telegraphing "summer is with salem in some not-enslaved-or-imprisoned capacity" without any subtlety at all.

now if we add in to the mix certain things v9 did ("an invincible monster who took your mother!" OH BOY) ("she lied, she left with raven! why would she–?" OH BOY!!!), there’s a clear narrative trajectory developing in the direction of summer rose not having been the Perfect Martyred Fairytale Paragon that everyone has put on a pedestal for the last 12-14 years; like anyone else she was a real person with flaws, and narratively the strongest way to drive that point home is to present to us (and to the characters who’ve been mythologizing summer as a flawless hero for more than a decade) a summer rose who decided that siding with salem was the right thing to do and then exploring why she did it.

summer being with salem of her own volition also makes it a lot easier to get to the narrative turning point of negotiating with salem; summer is the bridge, someone who has people she cares about on both sides. it is much harder to form a truce with salem if she tortured two of the main characters’ mother to death and/or enslaved and/or imprisoned her (because then you need to have an arc about saving the mother and that pushes further down the dead-end road of trying to defeat salem, who can’t be meaningfully defeated). but if summer chose to side with salem she can open that door to "maybe we can reason with salem."

so thinking about it just from a writer perspective… if i were the one writing this story and making these creative decisions with regard to the summer rose mystery, the reason i would set things up in this specific way is to develop toward a twist that summer freely chose to join salem with the intention that this precipitates the negotiation. that was true in v1-8 and then v9 ticked off literally every box on my mental checklist of things i would expect v9 to do if this was the direction they were headed—another hint about salem "taking" summer in conjunction with a reminder that salem is "invincible," surfacing ruby’s self-identification with The Idea of summer rose and how very harmful this is, a peek through the looking glass at The Person summer rose who is flawed in ways that shock and distress ruby, and an explicitly-stated "who knows why?" in reference to summer’s flaws and her final mission.

shrug. it’s just the explanation that makes the most sense taking into account all the clues that we have.

as a further point of interest, neither summer nor tai have an obvious ozian allusion (in contrast to qrow and raven who are the scareqrow and the woggle bug respectively)… which by process of elimination with the cast of marvelous land of oz, probably makes them general jinjur and jellia jamb. jinjur conquers the emerald city and occupies it for most of the story; jellia is a serving girl in the emerald city’s palace who remains with jinjur until very near the end when she gets roped into mombi’s schemes. which tracks with the idea that summer is holding beacon on salem’s behalf and tai is…there.

and i am kicking myself for not clocking tai-as-jellia until B4 dropped because it’s so. obvious. in hindsight. lol

(bonus first time reaction to 7.2

because it made me snort)

[jerzwriter]

I do. Me too.

Ethan & Kaycee

Ainna strikes again! How we give her a few little pieces and an idea, and she just brings it to life will never cease to amaze me! In my HC, Ethan & Kaycee's wedding day was last week, July 29th. It's a simple, informal affair held at a beach house they had rented on the Cape. It's also a surprise wedding. With guests thinking they're coming to a surprise birthday/engagement party for Kaycee, but the guests are the ones in for the surprise. Here's a little more about their big day. I'll be adding to it over time.

I hope you enjoy this little fic about how they spent the morning of their big day!

Book: Open Heart (Post Series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Kaycee MacClennan)

Rating: Teen

Words: 1,400

Summary: They didn't want a lot of fuss, so they planned their "surprise wedding" in less than a month. On the morning of the big day, they remember they forgot to iron out a couple of details, but it all works out in the end.

A/N: @choicesmonthlychallenge (Throwback to February, Day 12, Marriage).

Kaycee peered out the bedroom window, perplexed to see the beach nearly deserted on a perfect July day. The homes on this part of the Cape owned the beaches that served as their backyards. Still, she and Ethan had had rented this property before, and on a Saturday in July, the neighbors were usually out in force. She let the curtain fall from her hand and shook her head.

“Ethan, what did you do?” she laughed to herself.

July 29th had arrived. She couldn’t say finally, as she and Ethan picked this day less than a month before, but it was hard to believe it was here. In just over an hour, they’d greet their guests, who would learn they weren’t sitting in traffic on Route 6 for Kaycee’s surprise birthday party. No, the surprise was all for them because today was their wedding day.

With the exception of her parents, Alan and Naveen, no one knew. They only caved and told them the week before, and now, she was glad they did. The four of them were happily attending to last-minute details – which she was convinced included threatening the neighbors to stay inside until the ceremony ended – leaving her to quietly enjoy her last hours as a single woman.  

Also, she couldn’t have imagined getting ready for this day without her Mom. Rose had helped her into her wedding gown. Then she presented her with the pearl drop earrings she wore on her own wedding day, and Kaycee’s grandmother had worn on hers many years before. Even though Kaycee was going for a natural look, makeup still had to be reapplied after that. Now, with Rose off to ensure every flower was in its perfect place, Kaycee stood before the full-length mirror in her room, spinning in circles and watching the sheer, delicate lace of her gown dancing around her. Time spent planning be damned, she was allowed to say... the day was finally here!

A knock on the door startled her. She was pretty sure it was Rose making her way back, but just to be safe, she asked.

“Who is it?”

“It’s your future husband,” Ethan declared, a smile present in his voice. “I’m just checking to make sure you haven’t come to your senses and run away.”

“Hmmm, it was a close call,” she laughed through the door. “But Naveen stopped by and put this ankle monitor on me, so you’re safe.”

“Thank God for Naveen,” he chuckled. “You know, since Tobias still has no idea that he’s going to be my best man, I could change my mind and give the honor to Naveen.”

“Now, Ethan Ramsey! What has Tobias done for you to consider taking his title away?”

“Nothing. That’s just it; he’s done nothing, whereas Naveen prevented you from becoming a runaway bride.”

“Ethan,” she laughed. “If I was going to run away, it would have been long ago. You’re safe with me.”

Their conversation had all been in good fun, but those last four words left Ethan choked up. You’re safe with me.

“I know that,” he said with a cracked voice. “And I hope you know you’re safe with me, too.”

Kaycee leaned against the wooden door, a tender smile on her face. “Of course, I do, Ethan. Of course, I do.”

“Good,” he grinned. “And I heard two I do’s there. Excellent work, Rookie. Get practice in because I’m going to need you to say that one more time very soon.”  

“Oh, I plan on it,” she reassured.

“So, we never really discussed it.. but when do I get to see you? It won’t be when you’re walking down the aisle, will it?”

“Considering we’ll be greeting our guests together, I think that’s a no. See, these are the things we would have ironed out if we had gone a more traditional route.”

“Any regrets?” he asked.

“Not one.”

“Good. But that puts me right back where I started. When do I get to see you?”

“Well... nothing is stopping me from opening this door right now.”

“All right, but shouldn’t I go grab the photographer? I believe it’s called a first look shot or something like that.”

“You could,” she replied with a question in her voice. “But I’m not of the belief that every moment has to be shared or recorded. Some of them should just be lived, and I want to share this with you and you alone. Is that all right?”

“All right?” He enthused. “I think I just fell in love with you a little more.”

“All right,” she beamed, bouncing on the balls of her feet with excitement. “Let me step back, and I’ll tell you when to open the door so we can see each other at the same time.”

Ethan’s heart began to race with anticipation. “Sounds good, but don’t make it long.”

“The room isn’t that big, Ethan,” she teased as she fluffed her skirt and positioned her lace train around her. “OK,” she beamed. “You can come in.”

His hand was already on the knob, and the door opened before Kaycee could complete the words. A puff of air escaped him, and he visibly stepped back when his eyes fell upon her.

“Kaycee...”  he gasped, completely overwhelmed. “You look...” he wanted to say so much, but words truly escaped him.

“So, is it appropriate?” she giggled.

A bright smile spread on his lips, and he quickly closed the distance between them before taking his bride into his arms.

“You are breathtaking,” he breathed into her ear. “I knew you would be, but,” he stepped back with tears in his eyes. “Nothing could prepare me for this.”

“So... it’s definitely appropriate,” she grinned. 

“I’m glad to see that getting married will have no impact on you being the wiseass I fell in love with.”

“Oh, never!” she assured. Moving closer, she smoothed out his lapel as Ethan wrapped his arm around the small of her back, pulling her tightly against him. “You look gorgeous, too,” Kaycee whispered. “Remind me how I got this lucky?”

“You,” he asked, lifting her hand over her head and giving her a gentle spin. His eyes drinking in every inch of her. “The lucky one is me, and I won’t hear any arguments.”

“We’re both lucky,” she smiled.

“OK, I’ll accept that one!”

“So,” she questioned. “We have a little time to kill before guests begin to arrive. What would you like to do?”

Ethan smirked, leaving little to the imagination. “If I did what I want to do right now, I promise, we wouldn’t be in any condition to greet our guests anytime soon.”

“We will save that for tonight, dear.”

“Yes, and we’ll be kicking people out early! But what would you like to do now?” he asked.

“I know! Why don’t we take a quick walk along the beach? I know it’s a small guest list, but even so... once everyone arrives, I won’t have you to myself until the end of the day. So, want to take a quick walk, just you and me?”

“I’d love that,” he smiled. “But you need one thing before we go.”

“I do. What’s that?”

Ethan stepped back into the hall, returning with Kaycee’s bridal bouquet in his hand. 

“I think this will complete the picture.”

Kaycee held the bouquet to her nose, inhaling the beautiful fragrance of the soft pink and white roses and peonies in her bouquet. 

“It’s so beautiful,” she sang.

“It is, but it pales in comparison to you.”

Kaycee reached up and pulled him into a tender kiss. 

“Aren’t we supposed to wait until the officiant tells us to do that?” He asked.

“I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“Come on,” Ethan insisted as he took her hand. “Let’s take that walk so we’ll be back in time to greet everyone. Until then, I’m showing you off to everyone on the beach.”

“Speaking of that... who do you plan to show me off to? The starfish? Can you explain why none of the neighbors are on the beach on this gorgeous summer day?”

“Briberly,” he deadpanned. “Bribery may have had something to do with it. I also told them they could join us at the reception later.”

“I knew you were behind it!” she laughed as they approached the door.

But just before they reached it, Ethan stopped and turned to Kaycee, gently taking her face in his hands.

“I love you, Kaycee. I love you more than I could ever express, and I hope you know that.’

Reaching up, she gently squeezed his hand.

“I do. And I love you every bit as much. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” he smiled.

“Thank goodness,” she grinned as they stepped outside. “I do...now you’re practicing, too!”

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Remaining tags in reblog.

[sunnyie-eve]

12 | Joking around

Series: Uttermost Lifestyle

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Original female character

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: jealousy, misunderstanding, fight

| MASTERLIST |

"You guys really made eyelashes for my panda head?" I laugh looking at it as we got dressed for the bit.

"How else will we and others know which one is you?" Johnny laughs.

"Didn't know, I needed to be identifiable." I say as Ryan puts on his head then does a kind of a skip over to me, pulling me closer to him before dipping me into a kiss. I couldn't help but laugh along with some of the guys expect for Johnny. "I wasn't ready." I put on my panda head.

As soon as my head was on I jump onto Ryan so he holds me up as I wrap my arms and legs around him kissing him. Since it was hard to hold me and have our head fake like we were kissing, because the head took up space, he ends up walking over to a wall for my back to lean on.

"You two gonna fuck in the suit?" Steve-O asks making us crack up.

"Steve-O, they're fully clothed." Johnny speaks up.

"They can fake it too." Steve-O says so Ryan starts to thrust making start to slap him.

"Okay, that's enough." I laugh getting off of him taking my head off to see Johnny glaring at us.

"It's all a joke dude." Ryan tells Johnny wrapping his arms around me kissing me with his head still on.

As soon as we get out of the elevator we start. Three lay down on the steps while Weeman jumps over them on the skateboard. I stand on the other side so he can run into me. He slightly gets Preston's shoulder making him trip and take us both to the ground.

"Dude, your head rammed into my tit." I groan getting up.

When Steve-O decides to handstand down some steps I rush over and slightly pushes him cause him to fall and tumble. As he lays still I run down the stairs and he trips me so I tumbles to the ground laughing but in pain.

"This is gonna hurt." I groan after we talk about what we were doing next.

"I'll try to go easy because you'll be on his back." Johnny pats my back.

"Whatever." I say jumping onto Ryan's back so we can walk then have Johnny tackle us into a store.

"I'll try to soften your fall. If I can't... I'm sorry." Ryan chuckles as we start to walk.

"It's okay. I know what I sighed up for."

"I'm terrified of how hard he's gonna hit us because of us joking earlier." He says as Johnny comes in.

As soon as we hit the rack of shoes our heads fall off. Loomis, Preston, and Steve-O join the pile. Ryan groans in pain about his jaw while I complain about whoever's foot kicked me in the face.

"Sorry that was me." Loomis says as Johnny helps me up.

"Your nose is bleeding some." Johnny tilts my head back.

"Doesn't look broke through right?" I ask only caring about that.

"Looks like your nose still." He tells me so I give him a thumbs up. "But it is bleeding a lot and fast." He says so I cover my nose.

"I think I'm done then." I say making my way back to the hotel and stuff my nose till it finally stopped.

I was laying in bed watching whatever was on the tv in the room but since I didn't know Japanese I get up going to take a shower. I didn't think much because I thought the guys would go out drinking so I didn't lock my door.

I'm the middle of my shower I hear running and someone rushing into my bathroom and getting into with me. "What the?!" Ryan covers my mouth telling me to shut up as try I covering myself up.

"Alex! Where did Dunn go?" I hear Bam bust into my room.

"Dude, I'm just trying to shower." I poke my head out still trying to cover myself from Ryan.

"So he's not in here?" Bam comes into the bathroom.

"No! Just let me finish my shower!" I shout so he leaves my room and I turn to Ryan. "That goes for you too." I turn to face him.

"Can I still hide in your room till he cools down?"

"What did you do anyways?" I ask.

"Broke his favorite skateboard on purpose." He just stands there.

"Understandable... Now get out, please." I smile so he nods his head getting out.

"By the way..." He pokes his head back in giving me a wink and a thumbs up.

"Al- What the fuck?" I hear Johnny's voice so I pop my head out seeing a pissed off look on his face.

"Oh, no." Ryan motions before us. "I was just hiding from Bam." He tries explaining to him while Johnny looks at me disappointed.

"Johnny, nothing happened." I say as he turns to leave without saying a word. I get out wrapping a towel around me going after him. "Would you listen to me?" I follow him and ignore the whistles from the guys.

"He saw you naked and you didn't care." Johnny turns around to face me as we get into his room.

"I didn't give him permission to hide in there! He jumped in by himself making me cover up. You act like we did something."

"You could be lying. Last time you were in a shower with a jackass member you had sex with them. What's stopping you this time? You two are getting close so it's gonna happen at some point. You're already two out of nine... three out of nine soon for you." He snaps at me and my heart breaks a little.

I slap him across the face, "You're a fucking dick, you know that. Incase you forgot, Chris and I never hooked up. So it's still one out of nine, Jackass." I turn to leave slamming his door behind me as I go back to my room.

I walk into my room sitting down on my bed still in my wet towel starting to cry into my hands. I never could have imagine Johnny saying those words to me or think about me like that. I was worried about never losing feelings for him but he just helped out quite a bit.

"Ri..." I hear Ryan walk out of the bathroom but I keep my face in my hands trying to quit crying.

"You should have heard him..." I sob more as I feel a dip in the bed next to me. "You could be lying. Last time you were in a shower with a jackass member you had sex with them. What's stopping you this time? You two are getting close so it's gonna happen at some point. You're already two out of nine... three out of nine soon for you."

"But you've only got with him. You and Chris never did it. You told us." Ryan puts his arm around me as I keep crying. "He'll apologize soon once he realizes how much of a dick he was being." He pets me.

"He should have said it before I left his room after smacking him."

"Why don't you go get dressed and we'll just have some fun drinking in here so you don't have to see him?" Ryan suggests so I pick up my head.

"That sounds good."

He smiles and stands me, "Then get dressed." He leaves the room so I change into the clothes I sleep in.

When he comes back he was carrying a few beers and had cards so we could play a game. Bam was also right behind him carrying more beers. "I don't remember Bam being part of the having fun." I smile at them.

"He told me you were crying and I know I can cheer you up mama." He kisses the top of my head.

[gxilgramore]

Long time no see!

I've been watching some classic who lately to see what's the fuss is about and... Yeah it's cool! I mean, all that i said in my rant on Blood of the Daleks still rings true, the pacing and narrative style is an acquired taste that is hard to get for a person like me, but don't get mistaken, i still liked what i watched, so much so I'll give a ranking from the episodes I've watched, im watching the episodes randomly, mainly the ones that interested me the most, so let's go.

From "worst" to best:

Season 18 - Full Circle

Honestly didn't grab me, i found it to be kinda boring, even though there is interesting thematic stuff here to be analysed. I liked Adric, but he was like this episode, confusing and kinda boring for a big part, the pacing is really slow, but i think this time for more narrative reasons than classic whoish shananigans, the weakest one by far.

50/100

Season 4 - Tomb of Cyberman

The second Doctor is the incarnation im most intrigued about, from the actor to the mystique of the lost episodes, and tomb being one his most iconic outings i though id see what makes him so beloved................ i was wrong, but not a 100%. I don't see much reasons to love the 2nd based on his scenes in this, not even the companions, they kinda don't do or show much, the episode focus more on the other parts of the narrative that being totally honest are boring, the Cyberman scene was really cool but also they don't have much of a presence on this episode, underwhelming more than i wanted to be, a bad first impression of the era, i'll try The Mind Robber or the Invasion later to see if its just me or the episode was boring.

69/100

Season 10 - The Five Doctors

Now it starts the episodes that i liked it, and this one is... nice! The Davidson doctor the is the one im the least interested in watching and this episode kinda helped it because i didnt see anything in him that wowed me, but the other doctors all of them offered me something interesting to care about them, i dont have much to say in this episode besides it was fun and all.

71/100

Season 25 - Remembrance of the Daleks

I might be admitting a crime with this one but it didn't grab me a lot, it was the first classic who story i've ever watched a couple months before this marathon and probably that's the reason i find to be so underwhelming to me, i don't remember much scenes besides the "unlimited chocolate pudding one", i will rewatch later once i watch Fenric and Happiness Patrol, but at the time, i didnt leave a mark on me.

72/100

Season 13 - Pyramids of Mars

I watched this episode at the height of the Sutekh rumours in the new series and liked more than i thought i would, yeah, the pacing is the biggest issue like ever but i loved Sarah and the 4th dynamic, they fell like old siblings with their constant quips and jokes, i also loved Sutekh (more than in those recent episodes btw) he was sitting throughout the 4 episodes but it was menacing and iconic, his voice is the biggest contributor, the soft but raspy tone, the way he emphasises certain words in a sentence giving them more weight, it sticks in my mind like bubblegum, i love also how they showed that Sutekh is a big deal in case he is freed better than those new episodes, Devils Chord literally rips off a scene from this episode where 4th shows Sarah the possible future where the world ends, it's great, a good episode all around.

75/100

Season 12 - Genesis of the Daleks

Ok, this one is kind of amazing, yeah it is a 6 parter, it gets boring after a while but what i love here is the themes on how the wrong point of view in survival and evolution could lead to genocide, if we took the nazi angle yeah it was kinda revisionist implying that the actual scientists would be against such a thing ignoring how fascism works as a thing that reaches the masses and also it can be seen as a kind of shallow portrayal that weakens the message but i see that this episode can have more reads than one, its cool to see the doctors dilemma and all. And also i love the anxiety and desperation of most of these episodes, with our heroes really near to get what they need but being stopped by some force, its great.

77/100

Season 7 - Spearhead from Space

Yeah, i was watching a lot of 4th Doctor but i also watched this one and it was great, i dont have much to say besides that i loved it, i like 3rd and his dynamic with Liz, at least their first interaction was great.

80/100

Season 17 - City of Death

The first one i watched in this recent marathon and its great, im shocked at how funny this one was, mainly in the last two parts, the downside is that i kinda dont get the hype still, even though i liked it, this episode in fact condenses all my opinions on classic who, i like what i see but i dont see what yall see, if that makes sense at all, still, was really fun. 84/100

Season 14 - The Deadly Assassin

By far my favorite from the classic series, at least at the moment, it's intense and interesting, starts with a gut punch of a mystery and it builds really well, and still treats timelords with certain respect even when showing them as burocrats, granted, everything i said in the previous section still true but this one grabbed me a lot. Even with the weird pacing in part 3.

90/100

And at the moment thats it, i dont know how long the Doccy Who hyper fixation will stay but ill enjoy it by watching more classic who episodes, the underline is that, i like what i see but all the problems i talked in my Blood of the Daleks review/rant still are true, i dont know if ill ever "get it" but i will keep watching to see whats going to resonate with me.

I have one more review coming up soon, probably tomorrow morning so stay tuned to that

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Dangerous Romance Ep.7:

1. I'm excited! Who's excited? We'll finally know the aftermath of the kiss. I mean, after Kanghan explicitly told Sailom that all he feels for him is guilt, how would he explain the kiss??? 😤😤😤

2. Waaaaait, hold up. Is grandma sick??? Also, Sailom is back in Kang's house eating dinner with the family but the two still seems a whole lot of awkward with each other. 😶

3. Oh, so Kang and Sailom didn't get to talk? Dammit, Guy and Auto. Also, that's no fair, Kang - telling Sailom you don't want to see him with anybody else but still have not retracted the part that all you feel is guilt and pity for him.

4. I almost forgot that they have connected bedrooms via a shared bathroom. Oooh, the possibilities lol 😅😅😅

5. Kang: "Give it to me straight". Me: "He can't. He is gay/bi." 😂😂😂 Yeah, I'll see myself out 😅😅😅

6. I laughed when Kang asked if Sailom wants to be his boyfriend. I mean, really? Really? Just the previous episode you were ready to punch Sailom for breaking Pimfah's heart and has also broke his heart in the process. No apologies? No backsies?? WTF. 😭😤

7. It's awfully quiet back there that if I'm the car driver, I would be suspicious 😂😂😂 Also, look at Kang's smile when Sailom opened the (bathroom) door for him.

8. Okay, Kang being completely honest about his feeling for Sailom is 😭😭😭😭 but his way of flirting is 😅😅😅😅😅 .

Guys, I died laughing. I already ascended to heaven (or descended to hell, am not really fussy about these things lol)

9. On the bright side, having Kang as a boyfriend means Sailom (and his friends) will never be hangry as he kept buying food/feeding Sailom tasty treats lol

10. Oooh, so Kang decided to start gaining Sailom's friends' trust by bringing them food? What are Guy and Auto, alley cats??? Lol.

11. Oh no! Grandma, be well 😭😭😭 Why were you lifting heavy objects? You are rich! Call someone to do it for you next time 😭😭😭

(Sidenote: My Grandma did something similar. She went ahead and used a ladder to change a lightbulb in her house but the ladder collapse under her weight and she hit her hip. After that, her hip deteriorated as she did not go to a doctor because she didn't want to 'waste' money. She was never able to regain her ability to walk and had to use a wheelchair until she died.)

12. Lightning striking just as Saifah swearing that he will never manipulate Kang's grandma to buy him things is peak comedy 😂😂😂 Also, yeah I don't trust Saifah. No offence but he hasn't done anything (in this series) that paints him as trustworthy lol

13. I forgot that Sailom's fave dish is grilled fish and veggies. But how did Kang know? Lol. See, told you Kang is treating Sailom's friends like pets 😂😂😂 Ngl though, I would have eaten the snacks and still not trust Kang to pull a prank or two lol

14. Wait, did Pimfah really asked Kang or is that an excuse? Also did they tell Pimfah about what is happening them or did they just let her figure things out? 😑

15. I would ignore the fact that Kang raided Sailom's drawers (without asking, mind) to get that shirt, but focus on his relentless cheesy flirting in a public transportation lol

16. Another sidenote: I cannot believe, not even for a second, that Kang's noodle is NOT spicy. For better or for worse, authentic Thai food is almost always spicy even without the chilis. Lol. Also, not related to the plot or story, if it's available in your local Asian grocery and don't mind spicy food, try the MAMA and MAMA OK instant noodles (esp. the salted egg flavour).

17. Tbf, I don't think it is just the spicy noodles. I doubt Kang has any experience shopping in a crowded public market. I mean, as a kid, my mum also used to drag me to our country's Chinatown market (because that's where all the cheap goods are) to shop and hated every minute of it because of the crowd, the heat, and the smell of wet goods exposed under the hot sun.

18. Auto: "We are not down to earth. We are just dirt poor". Harsh, but extremely accurate lol

Also Auto: We don't mind that (Kang spending money on them). Throw it all you want. We're all for it. Throw it this way. Screw dignity! Keep throwing! Don't hold back! 😂😂😂😂

19. Kang's road to romance is a bit rocky. It's a given that Auto and (more specifically) Guy will have a difficult time trusting Kang after the bullying incident in the first episodes. However, Kang's friends are also bonafide a**holes, even without Kang's prompting. 😅

20. Where is my Guy and Nava ship??? I swear if GMMTV does this like they did TiwPor in MSP (as if an afterthought), I WILL RIOT. 😤😤😤

21. Wait a freaking minute. These are high school students. I'm not saying I was a saint at that age, but I drunk beer in the privacy of my friend's backyard lol. Pretty sure underage drinking in a public place like a bar is illegal even in Asia.

22. It turns out, Auto is the worst kind of drunk lol. Also, I believe Chimon when he said Sailom cannot dance. You'll understand if you have seen an episode of the School Rangers 😂😂😂😂

23. Uhm, Miss, stop grinding. He is gay. Lol.

24. I mean, alcohol is not the best relationship starter, but if it will set my GuyNava ship to sail, I will take it (as long as everything is consentual, ofc) 😅😅😅

25. See, it is illegal. But Auto, learn to run faster, gawd dammit. Also, what would happen to Kang? Will his father scold him? I highly doubt it since they have been painting the man as "doting" to the point that Kang cannot disappoint him because he does not expect anything great or good from Kang. However, this might ruin his political dreams, so we'll see.

26. The dad finally getting angry with Kang only because it can potentially ruin his election run is all kinds of messed up. 😑

27. At this point, Sailom has displaced Kang as the favourite grandson lol

28. Ugh, Saifah. What are you planning??? Don't ruin this for Sailom 😭😭😭😭

29. Oof. The cheerleader outfits are cute. They look like Sailormoon's transformation outfit. 😍

30. Why are you flirting in front of everyone's salad, Kang? 😅😅😅 You have a game to play. Focus. 😆😆😆

31. I know people have been pointing out the similarities between this series and BBS. I guess the true test of acceptance is when your bff learns to play well together with your (not-yet) bf in a football match 😂😂😂

32. Kang being anxious that Guy (and Auto) will never like him for missing that goal is 😔😔😔 Also, I commend Guy (and Auto) for being so sharp, it hurts lol. Unlike some "friends" (looking at you, Wai) 🙄

Officially boyfriends!!! Will Kang ramp up his cheesy flirting? Also, Saifah being on Ms Ging's medical team CANNOT be a good thing. The man is not above stealing from patients. I can smell trouble.

[criticallyobs]

Hi, I just discovered the podcast today. I'M OBSESSED!!!! Please don't change the format. I'm listening to Last Twilight at the moment. I love how you guys discuss the episode in sections. It's so indebt and thoughtful. I love it, please keep doing it this way.

My question is, do you guys have another pod? I thought I heard it mentioned in one of the episodes? Also do you guys have a list of BLs you will be covering? I'D LOVE IT IF YOU DID NOT ME. 🙏

Anyway just wanted to say I'm very happy I found your pod and can't wait to see what else you guys will cover ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh Wow, what a lovely message. Thank you for taking the time to write it to us.

We love hearing from listeners. It makes our day every time. Especially yesterday I had a really bad day and this made me feel a lot better so thank you, thank you, thank you. - Z

I feel like I should warn you that we kinda fell apart over the ending of Last Twilight. Our episode 12 reaction is probably an interesting listen of us spiraling.

We took a couple of weeks to think and reflect and recorded our Let's Talk Last Twilight podcast special episode (something we do at the end of a series), the first part is up on Spotify. I feel like we had a good conversation about our issues with the show but also what we loved about it. The final part will be up later this week.

Now to answer your questions, we have one more episode to post for our Last Twilight podcast. We are also currently doing a podcast as well for Cooking Crush and we have a completed podcast series on Dangerous Romance. We also do a series where we watch trailers etc as potential options for future podcasts.

I'll link the playlists for the different podcasts below.

It's funny we didn't start out to do a BL-focused podcast and we plan on covering a bunch of different things including a couple of book series in the future. It just happened that our first three podcast series were all GMMTV BLs.

We have not actually decided what is next for us yet, we still have one more episode of Cooking Crush to air and then we will conclude it with our Let's Talk Cooking Crush Special Episode. After that, we are not sure, but I can confirm that at some point in the future, we will be doing Not Me, we both love the show, it's how we became friends and we would love to shine a light on it for people who haven't yet given it a watch.

Last Twilight Playlist

Cooking Crush Playlist

Dangerous Romance Playlist

Potential Obsessions Playlist

[xian1na]

buncha words bout some spring animes #5

Now that I'm a Serious and Employed Person I appreciate series like Skip and Loafer or SpyFam even more. There's nothing better than coming back home and relaxing with some cute and funny anime. It may well be that if I rewatched some older series which I'd dropped or skipped altogether because they seemed boring, I would actually like them much more now. Well, for now let's stick to spring shows. Enjoy!

The Witch from Mercury (season 2, ep. 1-3) - one more week and I'll finally catch up to GWitch. These first three episodes were a real rollercoaster - we started with a pretty chill one, just reestablishing the characters and plot for the second cour. AND THEN! Episode two was wild. I gotta say, what's really amazing about the writing in this series is how it keeps introducing asshole characters, only to make you feel sorry for them after just a couple of episodes. And it actually works, I really care about these guys. I want to believe they're going to be alright... I don't know how dark Gundam endings usually are, but I get a feeling it's better to expect the worst and get a nice surprise, instead of the other way around.

Oshi no Ko (ep. 6) - yeah, yeah, I've watched another one. I planned to give it one last chance before dropping it but then Oshi no Ko had the gall to drop the best episode since the prologue. I still have some issues with it but I think it did a great job characterising Akane (and Yuki, too), making her relatable and sympathetic. What helped a lot was that Aqua was barely present in this one. You know what guys, I don't think I like Aqua very much. Which is a shame, because acting and film stuff in this series interests me more than idol stuff. Methinks I should look for some anime/manga about acting.

Skip and Loafer (ep. 7) - The highlight of this episode was seeing the drama club pres guy actually doing something decent for a change. And of course we have a brand new character introduced in the last minutes of the episode. I guess she's either Shima's family or one of the people he met when he was an actor. I wonder how will this plot develop and how will this person be neutralised by Mitsumi. Or hey, maybe she won't be! There are some people with whom you just don't get along, and I don't see that a lot in anime, I don't think.

Heavenly Delusion (ep. 6-7) - We got less school and more Maru and Kiruko's adventures, I'm definitely fine with that. Episode 6 had some great jokes, faces and cuts of animation, and episode 7 on the other hand got really disturbing towards the end. I like how this series treats the characters' sexuality (so far) - I mean, they're kids, they're figuring things out, and it's presented with honesty you don't often see. These episodes were also a bit thinner on plot elements and mysteries, but I liked that. I guess it could be a breather before what comes next.

Hell's Paradise (ep. 7) - Last week I speculated, that something major was going to happen this episode. That... turned out to be wrong, more or less. We now know a little bit more about the island and the elixir of life, but the majority of the episode was devoted to lighter character moments. So now I don't even know what I should expect next week. To be honest Jigokuraku is also close to falling off my watchlist but I'll give it one more chance.

Insomniacs after school (ep. 4-6) - Aaaand I caught up to Insomniacs. I think it's growing on me - the side characters were nicely fleshed out in the recent episodes and the relationship between the two leads is cute (not my top ship of the season, but they're nice kids!). Am I really going to watch another romance series this season? I almost never watch them!

I skipped Yamada-kun this week, but I'm definitely coming back to it next time. And finally:

Spy x Family (ep. 10-12) - Ok, two things: 1) Bill Watkins (6) was even better than whatever I was picturing before watching the episode and the whole game of dodgeball was a riot. 2) And then episode 11 had some brilliant Anya Starlight Anya moments. I can't wait to see the pupper. Thankfully I don't have to wait three months, I can jump right in the second cour. Episode 12 was kind of a weak follow-up to the two preceding episodes and a weird finale to the whole season, but the penguins were cute. So really, it's impossible to say if it was good or bad.

And that's it from me! Thanks so much for reading, have a great week and see you next Saturday!

[sumi137]

~the ripper in the water~

Pt 2

namor x water bending oc

Link to pt1

Warnings: cursing

( the languages being speaker in this series is german, yucatec Maya. Just wanted to clarify for anyone who was wondering)

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After I think for a bit on what I should get T'Challa for him s birthday. I decided to just get him something while I'm with Shuri later. Once I'm home I see that it already 12:40. I set my stuff down in my room while I grad some comfy clothes to wear. I grab some shorts and a tang top, I change into it an throw my swimsuit in to my dirty cloth basket. I walk back out to living room and sit on the couch for a bit to watch a movie. After looking for awhile I end up watching the lion King.

When the moice ended I check my phone to see that Shuri texted me, ' about 10 mins away from your apartment'. I text back saying ' okay I'll get my stuff ready', with that I get up and make my way to my room. Once I'm at my room I put some of my favorite clothes in a backpack and put my charger and air pods. I wall over to my vanity and put on my mother's rings an earrings. I make sure to put some extra jewelry into a little bag an put it in the bag. When I finish packing I walk back out to the living room to see Shuri sitting on my couch. I also see two guards standing by the front door. Shuri looks over at me " you ready to go", I walk over to her " yes, and I have to tell you something on our way back" , I said while I walk over to where th guards are. With saying that Shuri quickly walked over to where I was and thw jet brought us up to it.

Once we are in the jet one if the guards head tomorrows to th controls and we set off. Shuri and I sit down on some seats near by. " soo what do you need to tell me", she said with a curious look on her face. I give her a smile " when I was training with my bending this weird dude came out of the water and spoke in yucatec Maya, he also had pointed ears and wings on his feet." . I lean back in my seat and when I l look over at Shuri to see what she will say " well you and a fun night but to be serious I heard about someone similar to who you described. If I remember it was the serpent God, if so then you met a whole ass God". She looks over at me, " okay to be honest he was like really fucking hot like I would have his kids if he asked me too" , I say this laughing a little but when I look over at Shuri she gave me a disappointed but disgusted look. " really you just had to say that, you literally just met him and you already saying you would have his kids", she says this while smacking her forehead with her hand. I hear her laughing under her breath," hey don't laugh at me if you saw him you would agree with me, well maybe not but still", I cross my arms and let out a scoff. After awhile the guards tell us that we are here. I grab my bag and follow Shuri out the jet. When we got out I see queen Ramonda waiting for us with a few guards around her. When we get a closer to her she walks up an gives me a hug, " oh how good it is to see you again Katara, T'Challa will be happy to see you again", I hug her back " oh I missed you too". She lets me go and looks over a Shuri " Shuri take Katara to where she will be staying okay". With that Queen Ramonda walks back into the building behind her with two of the guards following her. I look over a Shuri and she grabs my hand and starts to kinda drag me behind her. After walking for a bit we stop in front of a door, the guards that were following us opened the door. I look around to see that everything is how I left it the last time I was here. "You guys kept it the same", I look over at Shuri and she nods her head....

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Sorry this one is short but I didn't have much time to write it but the next part will be longer. : 3