#let's exist today.. we can make it better together okay?

[gay-dorito-dust]

bob things because i keep seeing edits of him and joaquin torres.

Bob is very aware of how much stronger then everyone he is, so when he careful with you, making sure to not use more then he needs. He worries that he might accidently hurt you in the process, something he wouldn't forgive himself for nor ask for forgivness from you as he doesn't deserve it. He's so gentle with you that you thought he was handiling glass or porcelain with how he held your arm or holding your hand.

It wasn't in a way where he was under estimating you, but instead in a way where he was still firm with his grip yet was loose enough where you could easily break away from him. You were at the forefront of his mind whenever he does anything that required him in any aspect to touch you, he would much rather put your comfort first and above his own then ever do anything that would cause you even the slightest bit of discomfort.

Even if you did tell him that he didn't have to be so gentle with you, Bob was still going to be gentle with you even when he's on a mission and see you were in danger, quick to act as he moves you out of harms way as his hands anchor you to reality and to him when you looked into his worried eyes. His grip never tightens nor loosens, caressing your shoulders as though he was trying to memorise your warmth and existence into his mind, as though he was silently asking you if you were okay while his eyes scan your figure for harm.

Bob is the type of guy who would read books and get ideas for what he should do for you, things like little notes that he would leave scattered throughout your room within the Watchtower or places he knows you'll visit frequently, placing them in specific spots that only you would go to. These little notes would vary from time to time, some of them would be suggestions of where you two could do when you had the time, or notes where they would be filled with sugary sweet compliements that were enough to make your heart melt and internally swoon.

such examples like; 'i like it when we do our own things in silence, it calms me knowing that we're doing stuff that we love together, where we don't have to rely on words and instead just merely exist in tandem and are at peace with that.'

'you looked tired today, do you want to talk about it? or maybe a nap? you've done pulling your weight today and need rest.'

'thank you for being patient with me, thank you for being a dream come true for me and being such a safehaven where i can be vulnerable and let you in on my biggest worries, where i can lay it all out and you still look at me like that love you have for me never faded. thank you.'

'i didn't know i could fall more then i already have, then i look at you and find a new reason to love you, you make it as easy as breathing or writing a note for you to find later much like this one. :)'

'i wake excited to see you as if i haven't seen you in months, i even fall asleep in hopes of seeing you in my dreams, there's never a day where i don't stop thinking about you and i don't plan on stopping either becuase i never want to forget the best moment of my life; meeting you.'

However if you were to give him notes, he's smiling wide at your words and keeping every single last note in a box under his bed, so when he feels as though he needs a pick me up Bob will go to the box and re-read your notes and feel better by the time he gets to the lastest one you've written him. He treasures every last thign you've given him and isn't willing to let go of them either, for these were his reminders that there was someone for him who saw him in a way he hadn't think to see himself on.

If Bob saw that you were just out of it, or just more silent then usual the he would move over to you and just bring you to rest against against him, smooth his hand over your arm as you pratically cuddle yourself into him. Your head being burried into his neck as he allowed you to take a brief rest from everything, to latch your arms to his waist and keep him close to you while Bob kisses your head and reasuring you that he wasn't going anywhere, not when you were in need of him and holding onto him like he might dissapear.

He was your charging station until you felt better to continue the day ahead, though not before Bob would ask if you were okay in a soft hushed tone before he allowed you to eascape his arms.

Bob finds that his mind becomes clear when he was near you, no worries nor nightmares plauge this man when his head was on your chest with his ear listening to your heart and steady breathing, so he's often wandering off to your room just to silence his mind. He's come to your doorstep so much so that you kept stuff that he left from previous times he came, whether it was a sweater or a blanket, it didn't matter becuase your room had became his second home becuase you were there to comfort and console him.

[ladykissingfish]

My main Headcanon is that despite Hidans immaturity he actually actually good big brother today Deidara and Itachi.

Like despite how he acts he actually has some pretty good relationship advice here and there.

Hidan: Oi, blondie ... what's with that ugly-ass face you're making?

Deidara: *sighs* Please don't mess with me today, man. I'm not in the mood, hm.

Hidan: Why? You got some wood splinters in the ass or what? Puppet-dick ain't being so careful with you, huh?

Deidara: Shit, I wish that was the case. I wish ANYTHING was the case. But Danna and me ... well ... it's like I don't exist to him sometimes, hm. He's always so obsessed with his puppets and making his poisons that I feel like I barely see him, and when I DO see him, I always feel like I'm bugging him, hm.

Hidan: Ah, you shoulda told me that shit sooner! Ya know what you do? Leave for a while.

Deidara: Leave?

Hidan: Yeah. Come with me, I'm going to that special winter market to get some of that herbal tea shit for the old fucker. Christmas present. I'll be gone at least three days. Come with me. Don't tell puppet-dick you're going. If he cares about ya, he'll notice that you're gone and be worried about ya. If we get back and it seems like he didn't even notice, then it's time to ditch his ass. Know your worth, blondie. You're better than waiting around for a guy to pay attention to you, man.

Deidara, surprised: I ... never would have expected that. Okay, you're right, hm. I'll go with you!

*Itachi comes in from the other room*

Itachi: Sorry to intrude, but I couldn't help but hear your conversation. May I go with you both as well?

Hidan: Really? What about shark-dick?

Itachi: *sighs* Kisame is leaving on a week-long excursion to meet up with some of his old swordsmen friends. They get together once or twice a year to train. He says it would be too much for me, with my health. But I should be able to handle a trip to the market ...

Hidan: Oi, oi ... you fuckers are in worse shape than I thought. But okay, you come along with us, too. Y’know sometimes it’s “healthy” in relationships to get some distance from the other person. Also, you’re looking really pale, Red-Eyes. We can get you some fruit or something at the market.

Itachi: You’re probably right.

Hidan: And both of you don’t gotta worry about shit. If you’re tired, I can protect ya both. *unsheaths his scythe and shows it to them* I got new blades, so I can kill a fucker that’s gettin’ too close!

Deidara: Not sure if that makes me feel safer or more scared, hm. But either way i appreciate it! C’mon, let’s get going already!

*the next week*

Kakuzu: This tea is absolutely divine … *leans over and kisses Hidan’s cheek* Thank you, Hidan.

Hidan: Shit, it ain’t a big deal. Glad ya like it, old fuck. Honestly I’m more proud of my other work.

Kakuzu: Other work?

*in the next room, Kisame has Itachi sitting on his lap while Kisame brushes his hair, and Sasori is intently listening to Deidara talk, holding his hands while engaged in direct eye contact*

Hidan: Yep! Hey, if this Akatsuki thing goes to shit, I might just get a job as a marriage counselor or some shit!

Kakuzu: …

[revelboo]

My Rodimus figure broke :( maybe something with Rodimus accidentally hurting himself doing something dumb and we comfort him?

Attractive Today Pt 3

MTMTE Rodimus x Reader

• Servos curling under into fists, he has to remind himself to keep smiling. Keep playing the clueless goof, because he can feel his spark crackling with his outlier ability and knows that if he lets that anger take over, he might not be able to stop. Might hurt someone. Again. Putting some space between himself and Brainstorm so he won’t be as tempted since the scientist isn’t all that concerned about the chaos he’s caused or the suffering. Some of the bots on board had never dealt with humans before Rung’s had blipped into existence on his desk amid the parts for the model so he was assembling. And it’s easy to not care, when it’s just a nameless little organic.

• Walking from one end of the desk you’re trapped on, you turn and make another circuit. Finally beginning to calm after Rodimus had explained that no, his kind, Cybertronians, don’t eat humans. He could have been lying, but he’d honestly looked so distraught about it that you believe him that the one eyed, robotic death chicken had lied to you. Your new roommate hasn’t had any explanation for how you’d gotten stuck on their ship, though. But he’d said he’d try to figure it out and despite yourself, you want to trust him. Lost in space and far from home, just gone without a trace. His quarters have a large window that you’re trying your hardest to not look at, because that vast emptiness just cracks your fear wide open. The night sky at home had never bothered you one bit, but knowing there’s nothing beyond the walls of the ship? It makes you want to scream.

• Returning to his quarters without any real solutions or answers, his servos flex. As much as he hated it, he’d sided with Magnus and Megs that they continue on rather than trying to backtrack and find the humans to return them home. He’s not sure how to tell the little human waiting in his quarters for him that you’re not going home. At least not for a long time. You’re still where he left you when he opens the door, little head turning his way. And that guilt and anger kindles about his spark, until he’s frozen in place. Because not now. Those expectant eyes are staring at him and he wonders how many of Brainstorm’s accidents hadn’t been so lucky. How many hadn’t survived.

• Big, red, and pointy isn’t moving, just standing there in the doorway before one of his hands reaches and his servos slam against the wall, head lowering. Moving closer, you watch him begin to shiver, servos flexing and almost clawing the wall. “Hey? You okay?” You call out, because if you didn’t know better, it looks like the big, alien robot is having some kind of nervous breakdown. Bright blue optics find you and there is something like panic on his too human face. You know that feeling, know what it’s like to drown in your own head as your breath catches.

• Don’t do it. Keep it together. It’s a losing battle as that anger churns and feeds the fear of what he’s capable of if he doesn’t get it together. Can feel his temperature starting to climb, feels his plating crackling with the threat of flames. Needs to go, find somewhere with no one around, no one to hurt. Then he realizes you’re talking to him. Telling him about your family and your dog, and it’s so random it snags at him. Gives him something to focus on, just the sound of your voice softly talking to him. Talking him through the danger you aren’t even aware you’re in. Leaning on the wall, he stares at you, meets your eyes. Wants to come closer and pick you up, because you’re saving him without even knowing it, but can’t move yet. Can’t risk it.

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[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hi!! Sorry to bother you - would you maybe be willing to take a look at "Get busy"? I know a translation already exists (and massive kudos to them!!) but some lines are unclear to me and I'd like your input on it if that's okay!

hi slug!!! i've been looking for a translation of ''get busy'', but i can't find one that makes the lyrics sound clear;; if it's not too much trouble, i'd love to see your take on it please!! thank you again if you're able to :D

Sorry for the wait, anons!

This is one of those songs that is more vibes and innuendo than meaning, so I can totally see how it would be difficult to translate. I won't do anything too fancy, but I'll simplify it a bit so it's easier to understand. The footnotes are related to the song's liberal English use haha.

The summer night swelters 'cause we're on fire, underdogs turning the game in our favor, right now. Don't let self-consciousness hold you back. Get out there! Get busy! Go for broke, buddy! [1]

Lock eyes with me, rival; picture yourself taking home the trophy. If you blow it now, it's game over. So quit cowering! Get in the moment! We better get busy No, not today really… Wait… why oh why oh Oleole oh [2]

The floor's lit up by a dim spotlight. The sweet and spicy scent of ecstasy [3] floods my nose. The moment's so short it's dazzling. Excitement builds; exhilaration mounts. You dip and weave past me like it's nothing, and I'm blown away by your talent. I'm so caught up in the moment nothing feels real.

It's now or never-- there'll be nothing like this ever again. It's my chance, and I'm not gonna let it get away. My blood's boiling, wow. Rock my world now--[4] if you can. But hey, the night's still young! Lemme give you that midnight surprise. [5]

Lock eyes with me, rival; picture yourself taking home the trophy. If you blow it now, it's game over. So quit cowering! Get in the moment! We better get busy No, not today really… Wait… why oh why oh Oleole oh

Cross paths with me, rival; [6] we have until morning, and that's an eternity. You ready? Now lock in. [7] Follow the beat--that's our exhilarated heartbeat. [8] Keep your eyes on the prize at the end of this passionate battle. Wait… why oh why oh Irotoridori yo [9]

I'm losing my mind over you-- you might take that as innuendo, and that's fine. You pull me in, you taunt, you tease--and every time, you make my nerves stand on end. Let's bring the best out of each other. Let's bring everything out of each other. Let's not walk away with hard feelings. Let's walk away basking in the afterglow. Just you and I together, matching each other stride for stride, rushing headlong to the finish... Yow! [10]

It's now or never-- there'll be nothing like this ever again. It's my chance, and I'm not gonna let it get away. My blood's boiling, wow. Rock my world now-- if you can. But hey, the night's still young! Lemme give you that midnight surprise.

A siren's ringing endlessly, rolling through my body. Two people meeting, clashing, crashing-- Lock eyes with me, rival; picture yourself taking home the trophy. If you aren't in the right headspace, it's game over. So quit cowering! Get in the moment! We better get busy No, not today really… Wait… why oh why oh Oleole oh

Cross paths with me, rival; we have until morning, and that's an eternity. You ready? Now lock in. Follow the beat--that's our exhilarated heartbeat. Keep your eyes on the prize at the end of this passionate battle. Wait… why oh why oh Irotoridori yo

Come at me with your whole body and soul, rival. Don't be chicken, now--this is everything I've been dreaming of. Give yourself up to the moment. Ratta Ratta Ratta Ratta yeah, yeah Embed--shh, don't listen to a word they say. Fill in--just keep dancing with me. Fill out--we'll make it so morning never comes. [11] Ratta Ratta Ratta Ratta yeah, yeah

The summer night swelters 'cause we're on fire, underdogs turning the game in our favor, right now. Don't let self-consciousness hold you back. Get out there! Get busy! Go for broke, buddy! [12]

[1] According to a Japanese dictionary, Eng. "push it" is "to take great risks," "to challenge [one's] limitations," and "to have great desire for something to happen." I feel like this must come from "don't push it" or "push [something] to [the limits/greater heights/etc]" but it's certainly not a phrase used in my area...

[2] While the last two lines are almost certainly just vibes and "we better get busy" is like "we gotta get out there! We gotta do it!", I'm genuinely not sure what "no, not today really" is supposed to signify... I have a hunch it's acting as shorthand for "[We're not gonna back down/give up/lose/other negative thing] today" because this English phrase appears to that effect in quite a lot of Japanese pop songs.

[3] As in excitement, passion, HOOWAH whoop-ass.

[4] "Dip my mind" appears to be a Hypmic original phrase. I don't see a consensus as to what it means, but I see at least a couple of other people interpreting it as 心を浸してくれ (make me feel a strong emotion; literally soaking or "dipping" the mind into a strong emotion) so that's my best take on it. At least we're all baffled together... Japanese and international fan solidarity...

[5] What's a midnight surprise? Your guess is as good as mine... In all seriousness, this seems like a phrase that's here for vibes. This song is innuendo-y in a "Bro... We are two rivals locked in a passionate contest for the trophy... Let me get lost in your beautiful eyes, bro..." way, and so this is here for titillation. What's a midnight surprise? Well, wouldn't you like to know, rival ;) To be clear--I don't think Jirou and Kuukou are singing at each other. I'm understanding this as them sharing the same values (appreciation of talented rivals, the thrill of the sport, intense drive) and singing to some off-screen rival in a playfully homoerotic way. You are free to fill in the blanks and assume whatever listener you wish.

[6] Literally "connecting dots" but I wanted this to match the structure of "lock eyes with me" as happens in the source.

[7] I'm like 90% sure they mean "pop in" as the non-literal definition of はまる (literally to be "popped into" place, like a button or switch is popped into position, or non-literally to be focused and excited about something). (Post-song edit: Oh. No, it's... it's something else "popping in" to fill a hole, huh...)

[8] I don't like this TL, but I don't know what else to do with it. The use of ビート (beat) suggests it's the speaker's + listener's hearts performing the 跳ねる (jump; heart jumping = to be excited or exhilarated). Literally, then, "follow the beat in accordance with [the heart] jumping" or "follow the beat in accordance with our excitement"

[9] Again, here for vibes/sound. Irotoridori means "varied" or something that has many colors/many nuances. It's spelled in an atypically artsy way here to suggest like...so many vibes. Like we are having so many feelings tonight.

[10] This is 100%, undeniably, comparing competition to cumming. Cheers.

[11] Hm. What interesting choices of English words. I wonder what thing could be embedding itself in what other thing. An exercise left to the reader.

[12] Oh dear, that "push it" means something else too!!! Oh well lol good for them

[smoooothoperator]

What Was I Made For?

05: The Loneliest

Charles Leclerc x driver!OC (Dafne Morelli)

childhood enemies, forced proximity, accidental pregnancy, enemies to lovers

Warnings: Charles POV, jaeloussy, Melanie (you'll see), maybehelovesherbutheissoidiottoadmititsohepreferstoactlikehehatesher.

a/n: Hiiii!!! I hope everyone is okay and excited because today is race day!! And Lando is onpole yayyyy. Also, I hope everyone has a great start of summer :3

Masterlist

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If you want to be tagged don't forget to message me!

Every way of feedback is very welcomed

The first time the Morelli family met my family was during a trip we made to Greece during summer. Our families sat close to each other during the meals in the restaurant and our parents talked with each other, making us, the kids, hang out together.

The first time I saw Dafne Morelli, she was wearing a pink summer dress with little flowers in it, with her long chocolate hair tied in two pigtails, and her tiny hand wrapped around a plushie of a cat.

At first, we were friends, as friends as you can be with someone you just met. Her sisters and my brothers were the same age, the two of us were middle kids, and somehow we understood each other. 

The first time she said she hated me was a day I was feeling completely sick, wasted. That day I woke up with a stomach ache and I tried to hide it, not wanting to worry my parents, and somehow not wanting to miss the fun of the day.

Our families went together to a beach near the hotel, planning on spending the entire day there, having lunch in a restaurant that is on the first row in front of the beach. I tried my best to seat something, but that made it worse and the nausea kept growing, making me feel anxious.

“Charlie, are you okay?” Dafne was the first one to notice that something bad was happening to me, looking at me worried.

“Yeah, don't worry” 

I barely went to the water that day, staying in the towel, sitting there alone. Until Dafne came to sit next to me.

“Are you sure you are okay?” 

I nodded, looking away and making her sigh. But she stayed there with me. For a moment I thought I was feeling better, so I got up and looked at her, reaching for her hand.

“Let's walk to those rocks, I saw a cat over there” 

She got up with a jump and grabbed my hand, walking with me and searching with her blue eyes for a cat.  And when we found it, she smiled wide. She clapped her tiny hands softly, looking at the calico cat.

“It's so cute!” she gasped, pointing her finger to the animal. “Did you know that in Japan they think that a calico cat means luck?”

“Oh really?” I smiled looking at her. 

“Yes! They think that they scare the ghosts, that's why the men that work on the ships brought them with them. To scare the ghosts” she nodded.

“How do you know that?”

“I'm a cat lover”

I laughed and she looked at me, then at the cat. 

But what happened next was what started it all.

She held my cheeks with her hands and pressed her lips on mine quickly, making me flinch and keep my eyes closed. That was my first kiss.

Maybe it was the nerves because of it, or the fact that I ate when my stomach refused to be nice, or maybe it was the smell of the sea. 

But the moment she took a step back, looking at me with a wide smile, I threw up right in front of her, coughing and gasping.

I heard her gasp and fall back, making her hurt her hands and cry. I gasped once I felt my stomach empty, looking at her, watching how her hands had blood and tiny rocks in it and her eyes full of tears.

“I hate you, Charles Leclerc!” she cried, trying to get up and running away from me. She never called me by my full name.

Dafne Morelli. My first kiss. And the one that hates me the most.

When I started karting, my family invited her family to join us. 

Dafne never talked to me again, and somehow I felt bad because of it. It was like I didn't exist after that incident on the Greek beach. Even if I tried to explain myself, she always walked away, hugging her cat plushie.

I got confused because of that. At first I thought it was because she felt embarrassed, because I threw up just the moment after she kissed me. During all that week when our families were together for the first time, Dafne and I were stuck to each other, playing together and taking naps in the same bed.

At first I thought it was because she discovered the boys were disgusting. But then I saw her with Jules, smiling and talking with him, blushing. 

And somehow, that feeling I never knew I could feel, grew wild. Jealousy. I was jealous. But of what? Of who?

I saw her talking with other boys, smiling and laughing. And when she was near me, everything I received was a glacial gaze, with her blue eyes freezing me even on the hottest day of July.

But what I hated the most is that she started karting too. That Jules was helping her too. That sometimes she was better than me. That, no matter what, she always had her chin up and a proud smile, even if she lost a race or her engine stopped working. 

I started to hate her confidence. How people helped her. How, after she took me out of a race and I was practically sent to the mud, everyone ran to her to check if she was alright.

“Why do you hate her?” Jules asked me after I recognized, for the first time, that I hated her. “She's not bad”

“She is” I groaned. “She makes mistakes and people still congratulate her. It's because she's a girl? I'm doing better than her and no one comes to celebrate my podium like how they go to celebrate her points”

“You are jealous” he sighed. “You have to understand that girls do not always succeed in this sport. People cheer for her because she's brave and she tries. Why do you keep making it harder for her?”

Jules always knew that my career was going to be brilliant. He helped me be on the teams I liked, talked about me to the team principals. And he did the same with Dafne.

And I should feel proud that a woman I know was becoming famous, getting the credits for everything she did. 

But why couldn't I? Why did I always have to keep fighting her, teasing her? Why did I have that need of challenging her to see where her limit was? 

At some point, I forgot why I hated her. Was it because I was jealous? Or maybe because I

was afraid of who she would become if no one stops her? Maybe because people like her more. 

The morning I woke up next to her I felt somehow familiar.

That scent, one that never changed, was next to me again, making me dream with my childhood and those beaches with crystal clear water. It was warm and soft, making me remember that little girl that always asked me to take naps with her.

But when I noticed it was her, I immediately knew that it was a mistake.

Her loud voice made my ears ring, starting a headache I would have for the rest of the day.

When she made me look around the room I understood it. I slept with her.  And our naked bodies and the clothes spread over the floor said that it wasn't only that.

The anger she held in her eyes was something I never saw and it made my heart squeeze tightly, making me swallow thickly and take a step back.

But then, again, words started to blurb without control out of my mouth, making me dissociate from my own body and not understand what was happening. Why am I insulting her? Why is she screaming? Why am I provoking her? Why… Why did she say she slept with Mick? Why, why, why?

The moment her heel hit my chest and threatened me I knew I had to leave before things started to get worse.

This time I fucked up. Big time. 

Jules would be so disappointed with me. So, so, so disappointed. And disgusted.

When I closed the door behind me I gasped, turning around and just facing the door of my own room. 

I thought it was my room. I had sex with Dafne thinking it was Melanie. 

I clench my jaw and search for the key to my room, opening it carefully. But then I found something that, somehow, I knew it could happen.

Melanie with a random guy on my bed. Of course.

“Get out” I said, standing in front of the bed and looking at them. “The two of you. Now!”

They woke up and gasped, hiding their bodies with the blanket. I scoffed, shaking my head and grabbing clean clothes, searching for my phone.

Fuck, where did I leave it? I couldn't find it last night. Where is it? Maybe in the club of the hotel.

“You better be out of this room once I come back” I told Melanie and the other guy. “And whatever that you thought that was going on between us, is done”

I groan and get dressed in the bathroom, not looking at them before walking out of the room.

My mind was spiraling, getting flashbacks from last night. The words I said about Dafne. How angry she was. How did I get to this point? Why? Why can't I stop?

When I went to the club and asked if they found a phone, I knew someone stole it when the guard said there wasn't a phone on lost objects. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I groaned, walking away and going back to the room. Thankfully, Melanie and that guy were no longer there.

I sat on the bed and sighed, looking around. Where is my phone, God damn it. 

After searching all over the room, and not finding it, I gave up and packed all my stuff to leave the room and go home. I'll have to give up the private jet and go home by car, using the GPS of the car and probably listening to the radio.

I walked out of the room with my backpack and suitcase, going to the hall and looking around to see if I could find my family. But they probably left already. Great.

I sighed, going to my car and placing my things there, starting the engine and driving out of the city, driving through the road on my way home.

Nearly four hours of silence, only with the occasional voice of the GPS. I hated it, but I started to think about everything that happened.

Did I really say that Dafne sucked dicks to get on her seat? That she doesn't deserve to be in Formula 1? Who was saying that? Me? 

Twenty years of knowing each other and I still can't understand why I hate her and why she hates me. And it feels that the only thing we know to do when we are around each other is to fight. Why can't we stop? It's so exhausting fighting with her. Why can't I go back in time and tell that little girl that I was feeling sick, that I needed to throw up and stay in bed? 

The moment I opened the door of my apartment I felt my body heavier than ever. I was exhausted, my head was going to explode and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep until tomorrow. 

But I knew I had to do things. I had to go to the bank to cancel my account, just in case whoever stole my phone decided to give themselves a feast and use the card of the phone to buy things. I had to go to the phone company to cancel my card and ask them to give me a new one. I had to use my laptop to close all the social media on my phone.

It felt like I was isolated. Things were happening without me knowing it. People were saying things without me knowing it.

I spent most of the day out, taking care of things and even buying a new phone, assuming I wasn't going to see my old phone anymore.

At first I didn't notice it, but everyone I found in the street or people from the stores were staring at me. Not in a good way, that's what I noticed after the fourth store I walked in. The smiles and welcomes were inexistent. No one walked towards me to take pictures with me. 

When I went back to my apartment, there was another pair of shoes at the front door.

Melanie.

“What are you doing here” I frowned, leaving the bags on the table. “I think I left it clear that I was done with you”

“You actually don't hate her, do you?”

I frown looking at her, clenching my jaw. What is she talking about?

“It’s only a facade” she said. “Come on, it makes sense! And it's perfect for marketing. What was the fandom calling it… Oh, right! Enemies to lovers”

“What are you talking about, Melanie” I frowned.

“You know, at first I was curious when I found out about you” she nodded. “When we matched on Raya I searched for you on Instagram. And there was something that caught my attention. You like brunettes. But not only that. Brunettes with blue eyes”

I clench my jaw, listening to her. There's no way she's saying what I think she will say.

“And then I saw her” she laughed. “Your so-called enemy, Dafne Morelli. How curious, huh? Brunette and blue eyes. You clearly have a type. And that made me think… You dated girls that look like her because you can't have her? That's so ridiculous, you know?”

“Who I date is none of your business” I frowned, trying to defend myself.

“Don't worry” she laughed. “In fact, I helped you to make it more obvious that you hate her. Just so no one will suspect about you being in love with your teammate”

“You are crazy” I groaned. “Me in love with her? Don't make me laugh”

“It wasn't me who went to her room last night to fuck her” she said. “And here's your phone”

I frown and look at her, grabbing her bag and placing my phone on the table. She had it? All this time?

“You should thank me” she smiled. “I probably saved you from telling a lie in public”

“A lie?” I frown.

“Oh, yeah” she chuckled. “Your boss sent you a text asking you to apologize for the words you said last night. I mean, you know what they say about drunk people, that they always tell the truth. And yesterday you were wasted”

I clench my jaw and grab my phone. She knew my code, I told her. What the fuck did she do?

“What have you done” I frown while reading the messages. 

“What you deserve” she laughed, getting up and walking past me. “You wanted to win? I helped you. You're welcome”

Before I could say anything to her, the door of the apartment closed behind her. I grabbed my phone and read everything. The messages I didn't write, the punishment I'll receive. Then the posts on Twitter and Instagram about what happened last night. The hate towards Dafne. 

What have I done?

~

Days went by. My family stopped talking to me disappointed by my actions. I don't blame them, I deserve it.

I tried to talk with Dafne's sisters, but none of them texted back. 

The days I went to Maranello she wasn't there, somehow she found a way of avoiding me just by looking a t the schedule. 

Everyone in the factory was mad with me, disappointed. And it's all my fault. I reached the limit of what was acceptable. And even if I thought about going to talk with Fred and explain that I didn't write those texts, I knew he wouldn't believe me. Why would he? He knew about my rivalry with Dafne.

So I had to accept the blame. I felt ashamed of myself.

“I just don't get it, mate” Pierre sighed, sitting next to me after we went to the golf course. “I knew you and Dafne were rivals since forever, even during karting. But what you said the other Sunday… I'm sorry, but I never imagined you would say something like that”

“I guess… I guess I'm jealous” I sighed. “And I know it sounds childish, that's the worst. But somehow, whenever I see her near me I dissociate and let my body work, watching how it acts alone without me knowing what's going on”

“And why can't you try and talk with her, to explain?” he sighed.

“Believe me, I tried to do that twenty years ago” I sighed, shaking my head. “And she just ignored me, running away. And I probably made her family hate me. So… Hurray…”

I sigh and hold my head with my hands, taking a deep breath. 

“You know she's receiving hate, right?” he sighed. 

“I know… and it's my fault” I groaned. “And I can't apologize because Melanie just did the stupidest thing ever and no one will believe me”

“I told you that girl was suspicious and you never heard…” Pierre laughed weakly, patting my back. “But maybe you should find another way to apologize. I don't know… Use your imagination”

“Yeah, sure” I sighed. “Can you… Can you ask Kika to keep an eye on her? I know they are friends”

“Of course” he nodded.

When I went back to my apartment I frowned when the receptionist called me to give me a letter.

“Seems important, sir” he said. “The mailman came asking for you to give it in hand, but I told him you were out. He asked me to give it to you personally”

“Thank you” I nodded, grabbing the letter and going to my apartment.

I sighed, sitting on the couch and looking at the envelope, opening it. 

And then my breath hitched when I read what it said.

She reported me. She really reported me for defamation.

Fuck.

taglist

@racinggirl @elisysd @alltoomaples @ssprayberrythings @rach3164 @yvonne-dump @deliciousfestsalad @janeh22 @hc-dutch @ninifee1802 @kakorrhaphiphobia @ssararuffoni @itsjustkhaos @scaramou @tapedeck-hearts @apollosfavkiddo @sltwins @glitterquadricorn @ladystardust05 @theseerbetweenus @vizzzashley @auawdo @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp @leptitlu

[sparklypinkflightsuit]

Love To Watch You Leave: Part 4

Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw x Reader

Warnings: Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Swearing, Fluff, Angst, Bullying, Eventual Smut, Grieving, Pining, Alcohol, Military Inaccuracies

- Part 3 Here -

——————————

18+ Only

——————————




You grew uneasy as Angie pulled you around the back of the guest house, away from the noise of the party and away from prying eyes… away from anyone who could help.




“Angie, is this really necessary?” You huffed, your arms crossed over your chest as you inspected your surroundings.




She was quiet for a moment, and in the dark you couldn’t make out her expression. Suddenly, startling you, she exclaimed, “Oh Y/N, I am so sorry! You’re gonna hate me, and I don’t want to be the one to wreck something good, but…” her lip began to tremble and her fingers clasped together as if in prayer.




Your eyebrows creased together, “Angie are you okay?”




“I’m a home wrecker!” She suddenly wailed, loudly. “I didn’t know he was in a relationship! I had no idea you existed until today, but he… that man, he slept with me a little over a week ago. I’m so sorry.” She was full on sobbing at this point, her high pitched cries carrying far.




You tried to shush her, not wanting to draw attention to this situation, “Hey, no, please don’t cry. Uhm… please, it’s okay… shhh…”




You tried to calm her down and you even rubbed her back like your mom used to do when you were a kid, to calm you down, but nothing worked.




“I s-swear, he never ever mentioned you.” She cried. You internally rolled your eyes at her need to state that.




“I wouldn’t have ever gone near him if I knew.” She sobbed, and then another high pitched wail escaped her lips as she cried into her hands.




“Angie, please, shhhh. Angie… ANGIE! Bradley and I aren’t even together, okay?” You blurted out.




Suddenly you clasped your hand over your mouth, and Angie stopped crying, looking at you in surprise.




“What? But I thought-“




You shook your head, “Okay, look, you can’t tell anyone, but… Bradley and I need to pretend we’re together, just until Sunday. I can’t explain why, but it’s so important nobody finds out.”




She sniffled, “Why? What’s happening on Sunday?”




“We’re staging a break up, we just have to pretend while we’re here, so… you’re not a home wrecker.” You have her a sympathetic smile. You suddenly felt sorry for her, you hadn’t expected her to have this side to her. At least she was honest.




“Okay… I feel so much better now.” She giggled through her snotty nose and tears. “So… does that mean Bradley’s available?”




You took a deep breath in through your nose to calm your sudden pang of annoyance, “Yup. He’s all yours… after Sunday, okay?”




Angie nodded and threw herself onto you for a hug. You awkwardly rubbed her back.




“Do me a favour, Angie? Give me a few minutes to tell Bradley, I don’t want to throw this at him.”




She nodded, and you both rejoined the party.




Bradley came jogging over to you, “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”




“I was gone like 5 minutes, possessive much?”




“Anything could have happened, I was just scared you’d run off with Bob or something.”




You suddenly laughed, a bit surprised, “Brad, are you a little jealous of Bob?”




“No.”




“You sure? You seem a little jealous.” You poked a finger into his side teasingly.




“Shut up. You’re being a child.” He flinched away from you, but you kept poking him until he cracked a smile.




“Hey, I need to talk to you.” You admitted, “Can we go somewhere?”




Bradley eyed you up suspiciously, “Okay sure, where to?”




You dragged him back around the same corner, and Bradley was now beginning to worry.




“Look, if this is about the kiss earlier…”




“No.” You cut him off by shaking your head, “Nothing like that. Angie knows.”




Bradley almost did a double take, his jaw ticking, “I’m sorry, what?” He hissed.




“She started crying, like really really crying, saying she was a home wrecker and that she was sorry, and I couldn’t just let her believe that. She won’t tell anyone.”




Bradley rubbed his face in frustration, “Y/N, you can’t trust Angie. That’s why we broke up in the first place.” He sighed.




You were about to ask him to elaborate when Angie popped around the corner.




“There you guys are! Not fake kissing again I hope?” She winked comically, “Dinners starting, come!” She beckoned for you to follow, so you looked at Bradley expectantly.




He took a deep breath and nodded, “We’ll finish this conversation later.”




You sat down at the same long table and fell into easy conversation under the decorative lighting, relaxing slightly. Your eyes kept straying over to Bradley who was already looking at you, but you couldn’t figure out his expression. Frustration? Maybe. Anxiety? Probably. Annoyance? Definitely.




You felt bad for telling your secret, but you would have felt worse if Angie had thought she was the bad guy all weekend.




Once all 3 courses had come and gone, you were free to mingle and everyone changed seats to have conversations with other people. You stayed put, not really feeling up for being told off by Bradley. You sipped slowly at your drink as you watched everyone mingle. Bradley was on the other end of the table talking to Harris, probably spinning more yarn on your tall tale, when you felt someone’s presence next to you.




You looked over at what was previously an empty seat to find Bob, he smiled over at you.




“Hey, I’m sober now.” He announced with a chuckle. He really was quite cute, a traditionally handsome face and stunning blue eyes.




“Ah, pity, I thought you were quite a funny drunk.” You joked with a grin.




“I’ll go and grab some wine in that case.”




You laughed lightly at his humour, “Nice to meet you, Sober Bob.”




“Likewise.”




You spoke to Bob for about 10 minutes, getting better acquainted without giving away too much yourself.




“So do you work with Bradley?” You probed.




Bob nodded, pressing his lips together.




“What?” You chuckled curiously.




“Nothing, he’s just… how long have you two been together, out of curiosity?” Bobs eyebrows were ever so slightly drawn together in concern.




“Uhm… 6… 6 months.” You nodded, “How come?”




Bob took a deep breath and thought for a second, before nodding back slowly and giving you a sympathetic smile.




“I don’t think it’s my place.” He mumbled.




“Come on Bob, whatever it is, you can tell me.” You poked him light heartedly to lighten the mood.




Bob shifted uncomfortably in seat, eyeing up Bradley on the other end of the table, as he bit his lip, before turning back to you and leaning in close.




“I’m so sorry in advance for any hurt this is gonna cause… but Y/N, Bradley’s been cheating on you. Kinda openly too, he brings dates to the bar we frequent all the time, the last one being no more than a couple of weeks ago.”




You tried to force back a grin, you were very taken by how kind Bob and Angie had both been trying to make you aware of your fake boyfriends antics, but you knew you had to play the part of heartbroken girlfriend, and you thought for a second, Bingo, this was what you and Bradley would break up over.




You sat up straight, forcing a frown. “Oh wow.” You said, feigning surprise. “I… I can’t believe he would do this to me, after everything.”




You wiped at dry eyes and stood from your seat, putting on a broken voice, “Thank you for telling me, Bob. You did the right thing. I just need a moment.”




Bob watched you with sad eyes as you walked down the end of the table, partially regretting his actions.


You reached the end where Bradley stood in heated debate with Harris over some recent football game.




“Honey can I speak to you for a moment?” The question was only out of courtesy, you were already grabbing his lapels and pulling him towards the guest house with you.




“We’ll…finish this conversation later.” He said as you dragged him away.




“What are you doing?” He hissed at you.




You let go of him and as soon as you were sure you were out of everyone’s sight, you grinned.




Bradley cocked his head at your new expression, “Y/N…”




“We have an out.” You grinned proudly, summoning him to follow you back to your bedroom.




You closed the door behind you and urged him to sit on the bed.




“Can you just spit it out already?”




“Ok fine, fine! So Bob just sat me down and-“




“Yeah I know, you two just can’t keep your hands off of each other tonight can you?” He interrupted you, his eyes rolled as he leaned back against his elbows.




You looked at him with a deadpan expression, “Brad, come on, focus.”




“Sorry.” He mumbled.




“So, Bob kindly informed me that…” you held back a snort as you tried not to laugh, “that you’ve been cheating on me. He was very surprised that we’ve been together 6 months because you’ve been bringing girls to the bar, and I can only imagine doing obscene things with them.”




“That little snitch.” Bradley sat up right.




You rolled your eyes and ignored him, “So now we have a legit excuse to break up on Sunday.”




“I’m gonna kill him.” He was huffing now, not even looking at you.




You walked up to where he sat on the bed and placed your hands on his shoulders.




“Look dickwad, we’re not actually together so he didn’t really snitch you out. I mean… he did, but he did the right thing so you can’t really blame him.”




Bradley looked up at you with big brown eyes and nodded glumly. “I know, I know.”




“So, how do you wanna do this thing? Wanna pretend tonight and tomorrow that we’re working through things? And then Sunday I can throw a hissy fit and end things?” You wiggled your eyebrows at him playfully.




He chuckled, his hands landing on your waist. You held your breath for a second.




“You never used to be this funny.” He stated, his smile returning.




“Actually, I’ve always been funny.” You grabbed his hands and removed them from your waist as you stepped back and walked over to the mirror. “You’ve just never given me the time of day.”




Bradley’s eyes followed you and he grinned back at you in the mirror as you smirked at him.




“I’m sorry.” He said.




You turned your head to look at him properly, “What?”




“For what it’s worth, I never actually hated you.”




You turned back to inspect your makeup, “Well, I hated you. But… that’s faded more to an intense dislike now.” You joked.




Bradley stood up and walked behind you, eyeing you up in the reflection. He stood silently for a few seconds, so you stopped what you were doing.




“Brad, are you okay?”




He nodded, his jaw clenching, and one of his hands moved your hair to adjust your dress strap again.




“Was uneven again.” He mumbled.




You weren’t sure if it was the wine or if you were just losing your mind, but for some reason you turned around to face Bradley, the space between you already too tight, and leaned against the dresser under the mirror.




You could feel Bradley’s hot breath fanning down on your face, literal inches away.




“I don’t actually hate you. Not anymore.” You admitted softly as you looked up at him.




“I thought you said it was an intense dislike?” He chuckled softly, and again that damn hand landed on your satin waist.




“You’ve really grown up, Brad.” Your hand flattened against his chest, whether to feel him under you or to push him away you weren’t entirely sure.




His hand squeezed your waist gently and your heart began to thud.




“Y/N I-“




Suddenly he was rudely interrupted by a loud pounding on the door and he stepped back quickly, you took a deep breath, regaining some sense.




Bradley walked to the door and opened it.




“You guys! I might have accidentally maybe told Bob.” Angie walked into your room like it was her own, biting her rouge nails, her big blue eyes like a puppy dog that knew it had done something wrong.




You looked at Bradley with wide eyes, and then suddenly at the door when you noticed Bob standing there, awkwardly.




“Ah fuck.”




——————————




You now found yourself standing awkwardly next to Bradley in front of Bob and Angie, trying to explain how you’d gotten yourself into this predicament.




Bradley glared at Bob, still pissed off that Bob had ratted on him. Angie stared lovingly at Bradley, biting her lip at how his neck veins strained under his clenched jaw. Bob stared at you, wondering how soon would be too soon to ask you out.




“Guys, is anyone listening to me?” You moaned impatiently.




A chorus of “mhm” and “yep” came from the group.




“Ok so we’re clear on the fact that no one can tell anyone else about this? Or Bradley and I are toast.” You we’re starting to stress now, and you clasped your hand over your forehead in an attempt to cool it down.




Bradley looked at you, worried, and then at the clock on the wall that read 11:15pm. “Maybe we should call it a night, guys. It’s been a bit of a long day.”




Bob and Angie said goodnight and Bradley closed the door behind them, his forehead resting on the closed door as he sighed.




He turned to watch you pace up and down the room.




“Hey, can you calm down, please? Everything’s gonna be ok.”




“I dunno, I have a really bad feeling.” You bit your thumbnail nervously, and then sat down heavily on the bed and plopped your head in your hands. “God, what have I done?” You groaned.




Bradley quickly moved to sit next to you and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “Would you just relax, please? Nothing bad is gonna happen, I promise.”




You looked up at him through your fingers, “Not gonna lie, this side of you is kinda freaking me out.”




Bradley chuckled a sorry and removed his arm, and you sat up straight and huffed. “Ok, I think maybe you’re right. I’m gonna have a bath and get into bed, need to use the bathroom before I get in there?”




Bradley shook his head and made a start removing his shirt and pants to get into bed, which you quickly looked away from as you gathered your pyjamas from your bag.




You mumbled a ‘goodnight’ to Bradley, fully expecting him to be asleep by the time you were done, and you locked the bathroom door.




You drew a bubble bath and slid out of your dress, climbing into the warm water.




You sighed in relief as the water calmed stiff muscles and sore feet, and you quickly fell asleep.




The next thing you knew, you were waking up to the sound of someone banging violently on the door, the bubbles all gone and the water ice cold.




You shot out of the bath and wrapped a towel around you just in time for the door to fly open, the lock on the hinges breaking with a loud snap.




You let out a squeal of surprise, “What the fuck, Brad!”




Bradley’s expression was visibly relieved and his shoulders slumped. “Fuck, Y/N! I was calling you for like 10 minutes. You’ve been in there for 3 hours.”




You glanced over his shoulder at the clock that now read 2:25am.




You looked back at Bradley and pressed your lips together as a giggle tried to force its way out.




Bradley’s eyebrows creased, “That’s not funny.”




Too late, you were full on laughing now, doubled over and struggling to breathe.




Bradley had to stifle his own laughter, and he rolled his eyes. “Seriously who the fuck falls asleep in the bath for that long. Thought you died. Now I’m gonna have to pay for a new door.”




You managed to stop laughing eventually, wiping tears from your eyes, “I’m sorry, I was tired.” You explained.




You realised you still had a full face of makeup on, so you quickly washed it off in the sink and moisturised. You realised the door was not staying closed, and even with it pulled to, it would spring open a few inches without the lock in place.




“Don’t look.” You said to Bradley, who was back in bed around the corner. “I just need to put my PJ’s on.”




“Wouldn’t wanna anyway.” He said, regaining his breath and waiting for his heart rate to slow back down.




You discarded your towel and turned your back to the door as you pulled on your underwear and pyjama shorts.




Bradley caught a glimpse of your upper back and shoulder blades in the mirror opposite the bed and quickly diverted his eyes. He couldn’t help but look back every couple of seconds, admiring how your skin glowed in the yellow bathroom light.




You pulled on a white tank top and walked out of the bathroom while you brushed your hair.




“No, this isn’t gonna work.” You stated as you looked down at the bed, Bradley’s large frame taking up more than half of it.




“I’m not sleeping on the floor.” He stated.




You rolled your eyes, “Can you at least move over then?”




“To where? I’m already on the edge.”




You huffed, “No you’re not, you can easily move over a few inches, look.” You knelt on the bed and pushed Bradley’s side, trying to shift him further.




He would not move, the big oak heavier than you’d expected.




“What are you doing? Get off.” He tried to swat your hands away but you kept coming back and pushing, straining to get yourself a little bit more room.




“Move.” You grunted.




“Stop, you’re actually tickling me now.”




Frustrated with being tickled, he grabbed one of your wrists quickly, and you lost your balance, landing on top of Bradley with a ‘ooph’.




You quickly looked at him with wide eyes, something hard pressing against your hip.




“Sorry.” You whispered, and made a move to get up, but you were surprised when you felt his hand on your thigh and he pulled your leg over him.




“Brad, I don’t think… maybe I should sleep on the floor.” You stuttered, but you made no effort to move. Your face was so close to his now, even in the dark you could see how his heart pounded against his chest, and the veins in his neck pulsed. You gulped.




“Did you just gulp?” He chuckled lowly, his voice a husky whisper.




You nodded, and Bradley’s hand brushed your hair back over your should, his long fingers gently stroking your jaw.




You were acutely aware of his other hand which was still clasped around your thigh, and you wondered for a second how that hand might feel on other parts of your body.




You suddenly realised who you were thinking about, the man you hated for the better part of your life, and you gasped out loud, throwing yourself off of his torso and onto your back next to him.




You stared at the ceiling in horror.




“I think we should go to sleep.” You said maybe a fraction louder and more assertive than you needed to. The last thing you needed or wanted was to be Bradley Bradshaws newest plaything.




“Yeah, you’re right. Got enough room if I turn on my side?” He sighed.




“Yup. Goodnight.” You said quickly, turning away from him.




It took you forever to fall asleep that night, because all you could think about was how you were hot and flustered for your worst enemy, and how his boner was pressed into your lower back.




———————————

- Part 5 Here -

Taglist:

@dizzybee03 @cheyrenee @flowery-mess @wildxwidow @residentb1tch @championemmie @mycrofthomlesumbrella

[flooffybits]

Wish You Were Closer

Idol: Jennie Kim (Blackpink)

Fate will always be a tricky fellow. Sometimes you either run from it or take the opportunity.

Word count: 2.9k

Warning: past relationships, angst, sad jennie, ambiguous ending, hurt reader, brief panic attack

☕buy me a coffee☕

A/N: soooooo remember that poll where you all voted for Jennie?

Staring at the text on her phone screen for what seemed to be five minutes, the rapper silently wishes that the message changes or a follow up joke comes in, but there's none of that and she's only left to give an affirmative to the request.

It wasn't like she had a choice either way.

“Hey, everything alright?"

Looking up, the brunette frowns before passing the phone for her older member to see.

Squinting, the actress reads the content before her mouth slowly forms into a small o before she's looking back up at her friend. “... will you be okay, Jennie?”

It's a dumb question, they both know, but Jennie only chews at her lower lip as she tries to think of all the possibilities this scenario would go through.

"I don't know. What if they don't agree? Will they change my partner?” 

In hindsight, that would be much better and less stressful, but Jisoo knows it was unlikely.

"The performance is a month away. I'm sure you can pull it off.” But seeing the look on the older woman’s face, the brunette wasn't so sure if it really was a good idea.

..

"It's so good to see you two. I'm sure you already know about each other and I know that you'll be the perfect match for this performance.” The dancer clapped happily while Jennie stood awkwardly to the side, eyes trained in front of her to ignore the third person in the room for as long as she could.

"The fans will eat this up for sure." The dancer cheers before he's waving his hands. “Come on, Y/n, no need to be so awkward. Relax." The man claps you on the shoulder, laughing before he's gently shaking your arms in an attempt to soothe your nerves, but your expression gives nothing away as you stare at him.

He only rolls his eyes in good nature. “Okay, so before we go ahead and start preparing for the dance, I'm going to let the two of you get to know each other better so we can build your chemistry."

Jennie winces a little when she sees the way your eyes narrow. It makes her ten times more uncomfortable as she fidgets with her fingers.

Chemistry.

She doubts that you'd have that together. Not after the history you both shared.

And almost as though she were being mocked, music blared through the speakers though it wasn't loud enough for her to not hear either you or the dancer.

“We’ll bring some spice into this so behave~” He teases before jogging off to one side of the room, grabbing his phone to try and see what steps he could come up with.

With the lyrics of Closer by The Chainsmokers echoing inside the practice room, you can't help but roll your eyes while Jennie bites her lip, hoping to somehow start a conversation for the sake of this performance.

“So…” Rocking on her feet, she silently curses herself for being so out of her element at that moment. "You've been pretty busy lately.” She comments and you don't even spare her a glance when you start to stretch your legs. "Doubt it's as busy as you.” You answer curtly and her lips pressed together, pouting slightly before she averted her gaze to the floor.

“I guess so-"

“We don't really have to talk." You're quick to cut her off when you stand back up, now stretching your arms. “It's just a dance. After that, we can go back to pretending the other doesn't exist." She bites her tongue to stop herself from retorting. Instead, she sucks in a deep breath before slowly nodding her head.

“Okay."

It hurt, but she wouldn't tell you that.

Just like before.

..

The second week rolls by and Jennie feels nowhere near motivated to go to practice today and spend another six or so hours with you. It wasn’t as though you were horrible, in fact you were pretty professional, going through the routine without an issue and acting as though everything was fine.

And that was her problem.

Jennie was anything but fine, not with having you so close where she can practically hear the sound of your breath as it teases her skin when you’re just too close to her. She’s not fine when she can smell the same cologne that you always used before you cut her from your life - the same smell that she would often look for in the shirts she used to have you wear, in the sheets of her bed until she decided it was time to let them go. She’s not fine when she can feel your heart beating just under her fingertips when the choreography tells her that she has to do it, just to remind her that you truly were in front of her and not just a figment of her imagination.

She’s not fine when she feels your warmth wrapped around her when all she knows is that your heart was wrapped in nothing but ice because of her. She hates the way you stare at her like she means something to you while you’re dancing because she knows it’s all an act for the performance.

It wasn’t real.

“Unnie, have you tried talking maybe?” Chaeyoung knows that it’s a sensitive topic, but seeing the distress on the older woman’s face urged her to ask. Maybe they could think of a way to help.

Blinking slowly, Jennie shakes her head while letting out a breath. “Y/n always makes sure to leave before I can even try.” She grimaces when she remembers calling your name once, only to see your back facing her before you had shut the door behind you. “Even during breaks?” The Australian inquires and the rapper only shakes her head once more. “They’re making it very obvious that they don’t want to talk to me.” She says softly and Lisa frowns from her side before crossing her arms. “How are you even managing to do a dance like this if neither of you are talking to each other?”

Honestly? Jennie didn’t know the answer either.

It just felt like a long forgotten rhythm that both of your bodies merely remembered after years of being locked away. And as soon as the song played, it naturally came out.

“Can we talk?" She knows it's a long shot, but she was growing desperate. Despite knowing you'd rather be anywhere but here, the words come out of her mouth before she can even think when you already have your back to her.

"If you didn't want to be around me so much, why did you agree to do this?”

There's silence when you pick up your phone and the rapper doesn't even realize that she's held her breath until you finally turn around to look at her.

"If I knew it was you, I wouldn't be here.” You state simply but it's not enough as she persists. "Then how about after we met? Before we started practicing? Why didn't you back out?"

"Because I don't give up.”

Your tone cuts through her and Jennie’s mouth winds shut when your gaze pierces her soul. It's filled with so much raw emotion that she almost suffocates.

“I wanted to turn back as soon as I found out it was you I was being paired up with, but that would only make me a coward. When I do things, I make sure to get the job done even when it's killing me."

She says nothing more as you finally turn on your heel, grabbing your things to leave once more, but at the last possible second, she finds her voice again.

“I'm so sorry for what I did." Her voice is so soft, so delicate that you most likely didn't hear her, but seeing the way your hand stops on the knob is a clear indication that you heard her loud and clear. “I never meant to hurt you, but I just-"

“You didn't mean to… but you did it anyway so you could focus on yourself. It doesn't change what happened." You cut her off in a low tone. “It takes you four years before telling me that you're sorry? Only because we happen to be in the same space?" You turn to face her again and Jennie feels so small under your stare. “If you were sorry you would have tried a little sooner."

“I couldn't-"

“-risk your career.” You finish for her with a cold look. “You already made your decision, but a single call or text wouldn't have hurt." You spat bitterly, letting your calm facade break for a moment as you finally allowed your emotions to reach its peak. “I would have understood, but you left me all alone like I was a toy that you were done playing with, Jennie. You made me look like an idiot, embarrassing me like that and for what?”

Jennie’s lips pursed together as she listened to you rant, feeling her heart thumping against her ribs as the ache spread throughout her body.

She never meant to abandon you. But she felt as though if she were to keep communicating with you after the breakup she would eventually cave and run back to you. That would ultimately put the two of you in a difficult position that could throw all your hard work away.

“I'm sorry… “ Is all that she can really utter out and you just shake your head. "It's a little too late for that."

And with just a few steps, she was all alone in the practice room again.

She wonders if this is how you felt when she left you all those years ago or was it worse than this?

..

“You mean… they just left?” Jisoo asks with furrowed brows and Jennie nods while hugging her knees to her chest. “I don't blame them though… I fucked up.” She's ashamed of what she's done. She hates herself for the decisions she's made in the past.

If only she were wiser.

But she was just a kid in love when it all happened. When she thought she was doing what was right then, she realizes it's different now that she's older.

“They're right though. If I had just… been more mature about it, maybe they wouldn't hate me like this.”

"Come on, unnie, I don't think they hate you.” Chaeyoung cuts off her troubled rant. "Y/n is hurt like any other person out there. And from what you've told us, you're basically their first everything.” She adds on, Lisa nodding as the light haired female continued. "If they did hate you, they would have asked to be replaced for this performance you're both having."

Jennie's frown only deepens at that. "They're committed." Is all she can say and Lisa sighs in exasperation. “Unnie, put in a little more effort! The whole reason you guys really broke up is because neither of you decided to. You broke up with Y/n because it was easier-”

"It wasn't-”

"And they just accepted it because of whatever reason, I don't know. Did you bother asking?” Jennie goes quiet when the maknae continues. “If this so-called relationship really meant anything to both of you, you guys would have done at least something instead of giving up the way you both did.”

Jisoo looks at the brunette with a small nod. “They're right, Jennie. We get that we make mistakes, but this just shows how neither of you were actually ready for a real relationship.” She added, causing the rapper to sink further in her seat. "How can I ask them when they avoid every conversation that isn't about the performance?"

The two maknaes share a look, silently communicating through their eyes before nodding their heads.

“Leave it to us."

Jennie isn't sure what the pair were scheming, even Jisoo couldn't guess what they were up to, but whatever it was, she trusted that they would be of help and not the other way around.

Serious times often forced them into serious minds.

However Jennie was not prepared to be shoved in a recording booth with you like some high schooler. She could only mentally curse at her two friends before she heard your voice.

“Is this supposed to be some sort of prank?" The disdain is laced into your tone and Jennie panics at the small space between you. “I've been locked in here for nearly fifteen minutes." Jennie's eyes widen before she's shaking her head. “I swear I didn't do anything."

Spinning on her heel, the brunette quickly knocks on the door while trying to pry it open. “Guys! Let us out!" But you're both only met with silence, leaving the two of you alone and Jennie can feel the panic setting in. She tried desperately to pry the door open but that only proved to be futile when it barely even budged.

“Seriously you guys, this isn’t funny!” Sensing the anxiety in the woman’s voice, you purse your lips together before letting out a sigh and reaching out, hand coming in contact with her shoulder before the rapper flinches. “Jennie, calm down.”

But as she turned to look at you, you can't help the worry that sets in when you see the look on her face.

“You need to take a breath.” You know about her anxiety and the panic attacks, so you let your defenses fall as you gently tug her away from the door and sit her on the only stool inside the room. “You’re fine. They’ll let us out eventually.”

You were talking to her.

Even as embarrassing as the situation was, you were actually talking to her.

“I…” But her voice is stuck in her throat as her hands tremble. She was more terrified than elated. This method was far beyond what she wanted, even if it did manage to bring you closer to her.

Seeing the way her hands begin to shake, you mentally curse before carefully reaching for them, doing your best to ground her back to reality. “I need you to breathe." You say sternly, making eye contact with her in an attempt to catch her attention. Fortunately enough, the contact is enough to do just that and her eyes are connecting with yours.

She follows your breathing pattern, watching the rise and fall of your chest until she's hearing you more clearly. By the time you notice that she's more than calmed down, you finally take a step back to give her another once over.

“You know this is very high school for your members to do.” You can't help saying as you cross your arms over your chest and Jennie is able to gather her bearings before she finally looks at you. “I promise you, I had no clue that they were going to do this.” She swears wholeheartedly and you can see it in her eyes that she absolutely means it.

Sighing, you just shake your head and turn away. “I'm assuming they're aware and this is their form of an intervention?” Her silence is all the answer that you needed. “You know that what happened between us can't happen again.”

She definitely wasn't expecting you to finally talk to her, but something in her comes to life and she quickly shakes her head. “It doesn't have to be.” You look at her in confusion. “We don't have to go back to the way things were. We can be better.”

“Jen-”

“Please.” She knows if she doesn't say what she has to say, she might not get another chance like this again. “Please let me make it up to you. Please let me treat you better.”

She can see the emotions shifting in your expression this time. Your walls are cracking the longer you're together like this. She just needs a little bit of a push.

“Why now?” Your voice is barely a whisper when your shoulders grow slack. “I don't think I can go through that again.” You quietly admit and Jennie sucks in a deep breath as she takes a small step closer to you. “I promise I've changed.”

“If you feel like I'm lying then you can cut me from your life. You'll never hear from me ever again.”

It's not as though your life wasn't already like that before this performance, but you knew Jennie. And if she aims to simply be a ghost from your past then she will make that promise come true.

She knows it in herself that if you tell her no, then she'll walk away. But deep down she hopes that she can mend the connection you've both lost or at least make a new one.

Seconds tick by as you stare at the brunette, apprehension clear on your face as you try to weigh the pros and cons of letting her back in. The tension between you is palpable and Jennie fidgets in place the longer you don’t say anything.

She doesn’t know what’s going through your head anymore.

She used to be able to read you like an open book, but you were different now.

And so was she.

“My name is Jennie.” She finally says after sucking in a deep breath and extending a hand in your direction. “I hope we can get to know each other better.”

She holds her breath when you stare at her hand, registering her actions before realization soon falls upon your face. She isn’t sure what to think, but when you slowly lift your head to look at her, she sees the way your eyes soften a little before carefully taking her hand in yours.

“Y/n. It’s… nice to meet you.”

[annwe24]

Part 1!DEVOTION

Part 2

CREATOR!LUCIFER X READER

Summary: You feel trapped in the luxurious cage that Lucifer created.

Reading in dim light isn't really a good idea. Your eyes feel itchy and letters are running all across the page. Huffing in annoyance, you unwillingly close the book to go to sleep. Tonight is not just it, perhaps the lack of sleep has finally caught up to you. Your pillow feels a bit rocky as the book is carefully tucked under. That night, your dreams are made of angels joyfully singing their symphony, unaware of the angelic eyes watching your sleeping form.

Morning comes by as usual. You are woken up by the sweet smell of hot pancakes and the sight of a pair of neatly folded clothes thrown onto your bed. Lucifer has always insisted that you let him take care of almost everything around the house. You obviously don't agree. However, morning is something you would gladly give in. A big reason being his signature pancakes and the other being you don't have to wake up too early. Hastily put on the clothes he has put together for you, you rush to the kitchen, wanting to have breakfast as soon as possible.

Good morning! Did you sleep well? Lucifer cheerfully greets you with a toothy grin.

Very well! Are you going to be in the workshop today?

I’m afraid not, my dear. You see, Charlie insisted that we must make plans for the upcoming extermination.

Can I come too?

Your question makes Lucifer halts his cooking. You have expected this. He is always reluctant about you doing anything Heaven related, trying to steer your gaze elsewhere as if Heaven is the forbidden fruit of Hell. At least, that’s what it is in his eyes.

I’m sorry, sweetheart. You know what it is.

But don't you think it's time I-

Anne. We’ve talked about this.

Okay…

Lowering your head, you patiently wait for the food. You know better than to make any moves with that hint in his voice. It is one of his turnoffs that you come to notice during decades of living with him; even Charlie, his daughter, wouldn't have caught it on the spot like you. Lucifer once said: No one has known me quite like you.

…

I had a really shitty day.

Lucifer says as he slumps his head onto your shoulder. Pulling the blanket closer to the both of you, you let out an acknowledged hum:

Mind telling me what went wrong?

That fuck head radio demon. Do you know him? I think his name is Alastair? Nevermind that. Nothing important. His jackass thinks he can just simply swoon over Charlie and convince her I’m replaceable. Ugh can't fucking believe that.

You don't… normally swear. I guess that demon is pretty rough huh?

Lucifer lets out a huff and turns up the volume of the TV:

Yeah…

Tonight is just one of those movie nights: Lucifer talks over the movie about anything to you. Today is just one of those days. Every day is the same. You are a being yet incomplete as a being. You realize you are barely alive. He chooses your clothes. He cooks your food. He soothes your pain. He is everything. Slowly, everything around you doesn't make any sense. The noise coming from the tv becomes static and Lucifer’s voice seems so distant. Why are you even created? Is your sole existence destined to be some sort of amusement for the King? And why is he so avoidant about Heaven? Are you the problem?

Y/n. Y/n!

You immediately snap out of your messy thoughts. Something about Lucifer always manages to pull you right back. Placing a hand on your shoulder, he asked with a worried voice:

Did something happen?

You quickly turn your head to look at him. Your eyes filled with panic:

Oh! I think I’m just sleepy. Yeah… That's all.

Still, you know better than anything that is not enough. Nothing is enough for him, especially if it’s something from you. He lets out a pitiful smile and quietly turns off both the tv and the light, steps out of the bed. Before heading out, he doesn't forget to say his usual goodnight to you. How ironic. You think. He knows you are not going to have a good night. However, you greatly appreciate the personal space he gives you. You give in to exhaustion and slump back to the bed. Like a habit, you reach out to take your book under the pillow. Last night, you left at the most interesting part-the dawn of humanity. Excitement fills you to the brim just thinking about-

There is no book.

Refusing to believe the loss, you throw the pillow out of your sight, only to be greeted with disappointment. Many scenarios play out inside your little head. There is no doubt this is the work of Lucifer. He must have known from the beginning and let you slip through for a while. You can't bear to imagine the things he would do if he losed control. Self-control is one of his greatest strengths. Although, you are not so sure about that right now. After evaluating everything, you decide that it is best to sleep right now and deal with the problem in the morning. That night, your dreams are made of demons gawking and gnawing at your frail form, unaware of the angelic eyes watching your sleeping form. Every day is not the same anymore.

[writingtraumaforever]

Uncontrolled Chaos: Chapter 38

Notes: I want to apologize for the long wait. I have struggled lately to sit down and write since I've been so busy-- my brain is a bit of everywhere. I will be taking a trip starting this upcoming week, and will be gone for a week and a half! So I likely won't update until about two weeks from today. Hopefully this will hold everyone off until then! Thank you all for your patience!<3

Summary: The gangs finally connect.

UC Masterpost!

Link to My AO3!

Start:

“Okay! Here goes nothing, everyone!”

Tails’ flips on the radio’s switch, immediately being met with static.

“Well, it’s working, at least,” the kit chuckles awkwardly.

“Are we able to connect to them properly??” Shadow asks, his ears perked up high over his head in an optimistic point at the sound of the static. Listening carefully for any sort of voice or pause in the constant fuzz of sound.

“Let me see,” the kid genius leans forward again, taking a nozzle in hand and beginning to slowly turn it. 

Everyone is quiet. Amy has her hands clamped together in front of her hopefully as she stands beside the worktable, Sonic standing with both hands pressed against the same workbench to lean against it. And Shadow with his arms crossed and a determined little furrow to his brow..

The only sound being the static and the light tapping of Sonic’s impatient foot on the concrete floor of the garage.

This goes on for a few minutes. 

Sonic’s eyes flicker up to look at Shadow, seeing the building tension and nervousness on his face as each moment passes with no signal. His hope beginning to be replaced by frustration. He feels helpless. Sure, he’s managed to help retrieve some chaos emeralds, but other than that, he’s done nothing. That feeling of failing as a hero, being useless, that he’s become all too familiar with begins to creep its way back into his mind.

This is why he can never slow down. The second he does, he starts having existential crises and questioning his existence and validity– nope. He’d just rather not. Rather stay busy and stay running and not deal with any of it. If this adventure required more badnik smashing, he’d be doing way better.

Amy sighs after a few minutes of waiting, moving around the table to stand next to Shadow and gently place an arm on his back. She rubs up and down it slowly as though she’s trying to comfort him, Sonic’s eyes following the movement. His gaze then shifts back up to Shadow who just knits his brows a bit, frustration turning into something sadder now that he’s being given comfort.

Sonic’s heart twists..

“Maybe they just aren’t home right now–” “Hello?? Hello, this is Miles ‘Ta-”

Everyone’s eyes grow huge, Tails immediately freezing in his current position he had been turning the nozzle.

“..Was that-” Amy starts but she’s quickly interrupted by Shadow who is practically jumping forward against the table.

“Turn it back! Get them back!”

“I’m trying!”

“Calm down, you’re gonna make him break it!” Sonic immediately chimes in, just managing to steady the workbench the radio is sitting on before it toppled over. Amy grabbing Shadow’s arm a bit tighter and pulling him back to chill him the heck out.

Sonic hadn’t been here earlier when Shadow had gotten the message from his world. He hadn’t got to see firsthand the absolute relief and joy he had felt when he heard the alternate world’s Team Sonic speaking to him, assuring him they’re alright. That they’d get him back. He didn’t doubt the guy was thrilled to hear this, but he hadn’t expected this sort of nervous energy from him. It was still so odd.. seeing anything being expressed from Shadow other than grumpiness or annoyance.

“Sorry,” Shadow huffs, closing his eyes as he seemingly tries to gather himself, “Sorry. I just–..” He sighs again, rubbing a gloved hand back through his quills. Sonic watches him with a small knit in his brow, Tails continuing to try and regain the connection. “It’s fine, dude,” the blue hero assures with a small smile, “Just relax. Tails has got this.”

“I know,” the dark hedgehog nods in return, offering his own nervous little smile gratefully to Sonic, “I know..”

And sure as chaos, the voices on the radio start back up.

“Ayo, MC Sonic up in the hizouse!”

“It’s not a toy, Sonic..”

“I know that. Just got tired of you repeating your name over and over, bro.”

Shadow’s ears immediately perk up again, eyes widening and smile stretching wide having heard his version of Sonic speaking. 

Sonic doesn’t think he’s ever seen Shadow smile so big..

Didn’t think it was even physically possible, honestly.

Instead of jumping at the radio this time, he waits patiently for Tails to lock in a bit better onto their signal, the static remaining but dimming until it was only a low buzz. 

“..I think I’ve got ‘em,” the red blinking light on the radio turning a consistent green now, his accomplished blue eyes raising to look at Sonic’s own proud ones.

“Way to go, buddy!” Sonic grins, ruffling the kit’s bangs and causing the fox to giggle with a little blush at the praise.

“You’re amazing, Tails!” Amy adds with a grin, Shadow too focused on the radio to chime in on the appreciation currently.

“Aw, it was nothing. The instructions sent from the other world made it pretty easy–” “Can I talk to them??” Shadow interrupts without meaning to, scarlet eyes hopeful as they look at the fox for permission.

“Uh.. yes, hopefully. Let’s give it a try, huh??”

“Please,” Shadow breathes with a nod, moving to sit where Tails had been in the chair once the fox has moved for him.

Tails remains leaned over the table, showing Shadow all the controls.

“This here switch is the power. This knob is for the signal if it starts to get fuzzy. This one is volume. And to speak into the mic, you need to hold down this button..” “Got it,” Shadow nods, finger hovering over the mic button. He pauses. Sonic sees the moment of hesitation. The nervous energy feeding into his expression as he shuts his eyes and swallows thick in his throat. He’s scared.. Scared it won’t work, scared it will and what he may find when it does..

“Hey,” Sonic says quietly, Shadow’s eyes opening and looking up to his with a knit to his brow. Sonic winks and gives a thumbs up, “You got this.” Shadow’s expression softens at this, a tiny smile forming on his mouth before he nods and looks back to the radio.

Here goes nothing.

Pressing his finger down on the mic button, he leans in to speak, “Tails?? Tails, do you copy?? It’s Shadow..”

Releases the button. Waiting..

“Krrch We read you loud and clear, Shadow–”

The team erupts into cheering, Amy hugging Tails and jumping up and down with him while Sonic claps Shadow on the back with a wide grin.

“Told you!” Shadow just laughs, his eyes looking almost misty as his smile is so stretched it almost hurts his cheeks. He leans back in to speak again, “Thank chaos–” “Shadow!?? Shadow, can you hear me!?”

It’s the other Sonic’s voice now, having lost its unserious playfulness they had heard moments ago and now instead being far more excited and hopeful.

Sonic.. Doesn’t know what to think of that.

“Yes! Yes, it’s me, I’m here!” “Oh Gaia, Shadow!” is he crying??? “Oh my chaos– you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice! Are you okay????”

“I’m perfectly fine, Sonic,” Shadow chuckles breathily, his own voice sounding a bit choked up now, “They’ve been taking care of me over here.” “Good! I’d have to whoop some alternate ass if not!”Shadow chuckles at hearing this, rolling his eyes and shaking his head affectionately.

“How are you? Are you okay??” “How’s our Shadow??” Sonic finds himself adding without hesitation, his mind racing on where the other might be.. He’s done a really good job at not showing his worry throughout all of this, but now that they’re so close??.. It would just be really nice to be assured he’s okay or hasn’t tried to take on all this mess on his own.

His answer comes in the form of a gruff voice speaking on the other end of the signal.

“Sonic??”

“Shadow!” Sonic beams, leaning in closer to the alternate Shadow now to be next to the mic, “Dude, you’re alive!” “Of course I’m alive, you idiot, why wouldn’t I be??”

Sonic snorts, rolling his eyes and chuckling at that all to familiar grouchiness, “Aw man, it’s so nice to hear an insult from you again.”

“Hmph,” is all he gets in response, but Sonic knows that’s an amused huff. It makes him smile more. “We’re all good over here,” the alternate Sonic’s voice comes again, “Shadow is being taken care of, and we’re slow and steadily gathering the chaos emeralds.”

“Same here,” Shadow responds, leaning his elbow against the table as he speaks, “We currently have four. Still working on the other three.” “We’ve gotten our hands on five,” Alt. Sonic replies all smug as if it’s a competition and yeah.. Yeah, sounds like the alternate Sonic is just as juvenile as Sonic himself.

Shocker.

“Ask where they found theirs. Maybe it’ll give us some ideas for our own??” Tails offers with a cock of his brow.

“Where’d you–” “I heard him,” Alt. Sonic chimes in, Shadow smirking at his lover’s impatience, “Heya Alternate Tails, by the way!”“Hello!” Tails laughs, finding all of this honestly incredible. 

“Thanks for hooking me and my ‘lovuh’ up,” the alternate Sonic jokes, and the entire room suddenly goes quiet.

Shadow tenses up a bit, eyes widening slightly as he stares at the mic and very much not at Sonic who he can feel staring holes into the side of his head.

Sonic’s eyes were indeed boring into Shadow’s face. Waiting on him to correct the alternate version of him. Scold him for being so stupid. For calling them ‘lovers’. It never comes..

Maybe he misheard it! Maybe that’s not what his alternate version said at all! Maybe he said something completely different. Something innocent and more teasing. Or perhaps he was only playfully flirting like Sonic does with everyone, and it didn’t actually mean anything at all!

One good look at Shadow’s own deer in headlights expression told him that wasn’t true.

“...hello? Tails, I think we lost them-”“No! Nope, we’re uh.. We’re still here,” Shadow speaks into the mic, actively avoiding looking at anyone else in the room in that moment.

“Oh! It just got real quiet, so I thought-”“Nope! We’re here! All good..” Amy’s eyes shift from the back of Shadow’s head to Sonic, her hands then shooting up to cover her mouth, snorting into her palms.

Sonic blinks at this, eyes looking at her and–

She knew!?

“Okay good! So let’s talk emeralds, huh?? We got one from GUN, one in the forest outside Green Hills with the Tornado, Amy just arrived with a green one she got from Seaside. Uh.. Shadow and I got one from Eggman, and Rouge pawned one off someone in Casino Zone.”

“Perfect,” Shadow replies, though his brain barely processed any of that information. Frankly he’s a bit too tied up in the very sudden and unignorable tension in the garage, “We haven’t tried Casino Zone or Seaside Island yet, so maybe we could–” “What do you mean ‘lovuh’!?” Sonic interrupts quite suddenly, causing Shadow to flinch before sighing and rubbing a palm down his face.

Oh great.. This conversation is going to go swimmingly.

“I meant ‘lover’, but I was saying it all cool,” Alternate Sonic says after a little pause, an awkward chuckle coming through the radio, “You… you.. Did tell them we were together, didn’t you, Shads??”

Shadow groans a bit, rubbing his hand down his face and then back up into his quills, “I hadn’t exactly gotten around to it yet..” “We’re together!?” Sonic croaks, eyes wide as saucers and cheeks glowing a bright red along with the tips of his ears. Amy just giggles more, trying to keep quiet because this wasn’t funny but Sonic’s reaction was kinda hilarious?

Tails just looks extremely uncomfortable and tired. He’s worked his ass off to get this thing working and for what?? So these idiots can straighten out their relationship statuses???

“We’re not together,” Shadow corrects, gesturing his finger at himself and Sonic, before then gesturing to himself and the radio, “We’re together.” “Like– you and alternate me!?” “Yes,” Shadow sighs again, clearly not wanting for Sonic to find out like this. “You didn’t tell them??” Alt. Sonic questions through the speaker of the radio, sounding a bit confused and maybe even a little hostile, “Why didn’t you tell them!?”“I didn’t think it was exactly essential information–” “O-ho! So I’m not essential information!??”“What!? No- that’s not–” “Were you keeping me a secret so you could seduce the other me!?”

“What!?”

“You know what??? Whatever. None of this is essential anyway, so I’m just gonna go do essential things. Here’s Tails.”

“No! Sonic, wait–!”

There’s a long pause, some muffled movements through the radio and then a loud BOOM followed by silence.

More muffled movement, the mic being picked up on the other end,

“Well, that went well..,” it’s the alternate Tails’ voice again, sounding tired and annoyed. “Very,” Tails agrees with his alternate version, sounding equally as exasperated. “Why didn’t you tell me??” Sonic’s voice comes quietly, ears flattening slightly as he looks at Shadow. Shadow who looks very overwhelmed and in shock at how terribly that just went. Sonic seems angry. Confused. “You should’ve told me! I deserve to know that sort of thing!”

Amy is concerned now, no longer finding any of this amusing..

“..Sonic, maybe we should–” “No, he-.. He has the right to be upset,” Shadow interrupts her, moving from the chair to allow Tails to take his place sitting in it again, “See if you and my Tails can work something out on how to get me back.” “On it,” Tails says simply, nodding as he plops himself down in the chair to begin plotting with his alternate version.

“You,” Shadow turns to Sonic, nodding his head towards the garage’s exit, “...You and me are gonna go have a chat.”

[askthekoopsandjr]

Iggy Koopa (head)canons

He's creepy and he's kooky, mysterious and spooky, all together ooky... Just kidding, he's not really scary; but he is a silly little enigma.

G̲e̲n̲e̲r̲a̲l̲ I̲n̲f̲o̲r̲m̲a̲t̲i̲o̲n̲

16 years old

- Very important to note: Dragon Koopas do not age the same as humans. It is unknown how they age in equivalence to humans, but the adult age for dragon koopas is their early 30's. Dragon koopas can live for several centuries. The maximum years of life is unknown.

Agender, any pronouns (prefers he/she/it). Asexual lesbian.

- (Everyone is asexual because "it"™ doesn't exist hahaha)

- Has identified as agender for a while, but recently chose the lesbian label for himself. This choice was inspired by Wendy.

Second oldest of the 7

- All are biological siblings, born to the late Morton Koopa Sr. and Adaeh Koopa

Adopted by Bowser along with his siblings at 10 years old.

- Remembers the day his parents died just as well as Ludwig, but doesn't let on to that.

Also like Ludwig, Iggy has uncomplicated PTSD. His symptoms show drastically different from his older brother, however.

Story of losing their parents and meeting Bowser:

All creatures in the Mario world... the Underground whatever it's called have all the races/ethnicities of humans. Iggy and her siblings are German and British from their father, and South African from their Mother.

C̲h̲a̲r̲a̲c̲t̲e̲r̲

At 10, he was sporadic and neurotic, often acting out by doing dangerous things and showing the opposite emotions than were appropriate. This would piss off Bowser a lot, and he'd often get in trouble. Iggy was miserable, but as a younger Ludwig pleaded for Iggy to "snap out of it", he just... Laughed. Things seemed to click in place for him; he realized he didn't have to be so angry and stressed all the time. In that moment, he found acceptance for himself. The worst thing that could have happened, happened. It made him weird and he was only going to get weirder, but that was okay. It felt better to laugh and smile than cause distress to those he loved.

Before 10, Iggy didn't really act much of anything like he is today. He was well mannered and calm. Is that to say he would've never ended up like this if his parent's didn't pass away? Not necessarily. He was always a brilliant mind who loved anything mechanics and robotics; but as smart as he was, his inventions still took many trials and errors. This was how he discovered that it's fun to make things act the complete opposite of their intended purpose. Mischief in general filled him with this feeling of euphoria, but it felt forbidden. He didn't let himself indulge in it the way he secretly desired.

The Iggy we currently know is a chaos-causing giddy teen. He enjoys not taking much of anything seriously and frustrating his opponents with his unpredictable and obnoxious behavior.

His hobbies are: learning and documenting/ exploring or just being within nature/ anything S.T.E.M. and/or science related/ taming chain chomps/ making friends with wildlife in general/ pulling pranks/ being silly and whimsical

Iggy loves absorbing knowledge about literally anything. All those notes hanging around in his room/lab? Look closely, and you'll see things ranging from a list of top 10 uses of nickel, to how the banana got it's name.

He's almost always smiling. There's just not much that upsets him.

He is very affectionate, and usually shows this through touch. She'll show this in unusual ways though, of course. For example, standing behind Ludwig and resting her head on his hair... Just standing there. Sometimes they'll do this to their other siblings, too.

Iggy can play various instruments, but chooses to play only the dumbest ones. For example: cat piano, otamatone, Furby organ, and other children's instrument toys.

She owns Iggy's Glass as seen in MK8D. He takes care of all the kart's windshields and mirrors.

Upon receiving their wand from Kamek, the only knowledge of magic Iggy had was a couple of nature based healing spells learned from his mother. What got Iggy interested in magic was the difficulty to learn to wield a wand; if you're not careful (or properly trained), the power from the staff could be destructive. Exploding green magic that could destroy anything in it's wake? "Sign me up, please! BAHAHA!"

- This is why Iggy's magic is the fastest. She quickly harnesses a few magic blasts one after the other, her heightened emotions in battle providing how strong a single blast is.

Kamek still teaches all 7 of them magic lessons, but it's more of a once a week thing (except in the case of Ludwig).

Iggy's hair is naturally curly, being about 3B closer to the roots and 3A up at the top. His hair is able to stand up like that on it's own when he styles it- no hairspray or gel, he just brushes it straight up and it stays. Look, if bricks can float in the air in that world, so can his hair.

- Why'd he choose to style it like a carrot/palm tree/turnip/pineapple? Idk. He never really did anything with his hair. As a kid, it looked like Hop's from the Super Mario World cartoon, so it always just stuck up like that (no, their cartoon counterparts don't exist and were not their childhood selves). His hair was always just green, btw.

Just like with Ludwig, if you ran your fingers through Iggy's hair you would feel the curls.

Pranks. Iggy is notorious for pranking others. He'll do stupid stuff like misplacing an object after somebody set it down for just a moment, or telling someone the wrong information to little things. For example: "Iggy, what's the super move for [insert game and character]?" "It's [enter sequence of buttons]" *tries it, character explodes instead* ┻⁠┻⁠︵⁠ヽ⁠(⁠`⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠︵⁠┻⁠┻

Sometimes he'll go too far with them. One time Larry had pranked him and he wanted to get revenge, so he placed a rake outside of a door of a room Larry was in. The plan was that Larry would walk out, not notice the rake on the floor, step on it, and the handle would come smacking him square in the face. The thing was, Larry was not the only one in that room. Ludwig was reading a book and decided to leave the room because Larry was being too loud with his game. Nose stuck in book, he opens the door and steps out... WHAP! Ludwig got squared in the face with a rake handle... And a book. Ludwig chased Iggy all around the castle with that rake. Iggy and Larry will still laugh their asses off if they see a rake to this day.

R̲e̲l̲a̲t̲i̲o̲n̲s̲h̲i̲p̲s̲

With Ludwig: Iggy and Ludwig have a very close bond, even if it doesn't really show that way. Iggy loves how Ludwig's personality sort of mirrors his. He knows that Luddy is just as crazy as he is, and is probably the only one capable of bringing out Luddy's "kooky" side. Iggy's pretty good at bringing out a lot of sides of Luddy most don't see very often. Iggy also enjoys messing with Ludwig because he's way too easy to annoy, and his reactions are funny. If Iggy ever wants to infodump something new he learned, he could always turn to his oldest sibling. Luddy is guaranteed to listen and engage in a conversation, whether he likes it or not.

With Morton: Iggy likes how easy going and happy Morton is. He can use Morton as a physical leverage whenever he wanted (as seen in their NSMB2 render), because he knows Morton wouldn't mind at all. Besides that, Iggy likes partaking in Morton's interests when they hang out. A good example would be cooking; we know Morton has the best intentions, but... Not the best execution. As we know, Iggy lives for things gone wrong. Besides, she does it for brotherly bonding! Everyone else's inconvenience is just a bonus. Iggy also enjoys telling Morton about her discoveries with nature, since Morton shares that interest. Morton likes physical affection as well, so Iggy won't hesitate to give Morton hugs and stuff.

With Roy: You might think Iggy and Roy in the same room would only lead to familial disaster, but that's not really true! These two actually make a pretty dynamic team; They've both got a destructive nature and love for disorder that makes it surprisingly easy for them to work together in battle. Outside of that, Roy treats Iggy the same as his other siblings, and Iggy treads more carefully with Roy. I mean, getting bonked isn't ideal, he's not that hard to annoy. Iggy has to think of clever ways if she wants to prank or mess with Roy, like having a planned escape route ahead of time or someone/something to take the blame instead. They'll hang out casually more often than not when there's no missions to be done, like watching TV or going out to do something.

With Wendy: Iggy will totally let Wendy give him makeovers, mess with his hair and paint his nails. He's loved doing these things with her since they were little kids. Wendy was actually the one Iggy originally confided in with emotional vulnerability before Lemmy was old enough to have critical thinking. He'll still go to Wendy for that sometimes. The most recent example was when Iggy still questioned their sexuality. As the only sister, Iggy regards Wendy highly, and probably shows her the most respect out of anyone in the family. If you thought pranking Roy was a bad idea, imagine Wendy. She's safe from Iggy's antics... Intentional antics, that is. She'll definitely still get annoyed with him and yell sometimes. Teehee

With Lemmy: The Lemster and the Igmeiser... These two act like twins. They're almost always seen together, and have a closer bond than with any of their other siblings. It's not really clear how it started. Since the moment Lemmy hatched from his egg, they've always been really close. The two love causing mischief and chaos, naturally in sync to the point where they can predict what the other will do/say most of the time. Everything is fun and whimsy when they're paired together in missions, which typically leads to not succeeding... But we know that wasn't really their priority lmao. Naturally, as siblings, they'll get into fights sometimes too (ex. When both of them wanted to push the button in Paper Jam lol). Lemmy is the one who Iggy usually goes to to talk about his feelings and troubles with. He finds that Lemmy understands him best, and can see things from a different perspective that makes his advice more useful and realistic.

With Larry: Like Ludwig, Iggy wants his youngest sibling to be the best he can be. But unlike Ludwig, Iggy doesn't take it upon herself to parent Larry. She guides him in her own little weird way, as an older sibling. Iggy won't outright say what Larry is doing wrong or what he should be doing; instead she'll do things that make Larry think about why she's acting that way, and make him realize what he's doing and how he should change his actions. Iggy enjoys spending time with Larry, which is usually playing video games, other electronic-based activities, and sports. Sometimes they do stupid things, such as the prank example from earlier. They have more in common than most realize!

With Jr: Junior thinks Iggy is super weird, and is easily annoyed by him. Iggy doesn't think to hard about it, considering a lot of people react that way towards her. But after the events of BJJ, he's lightening up his attitude, and trying to take Kamek's advice. Iggy appreciates the gesture. Her behavior is no different, though, which was to be expected. Jr is more comfortable asking them to build mechanics or play with him in general, which Iggy gladly takes up everytime. She's actually the one who taught Jr how to build mechakoopas in the first place! They'll try at any given chance to teach Jr new things about science and robotics, but she has to be clever about it, or else Jr will catch on and compare him to Ludwig (little bro does not like being "bossed around").

F̲u̲n̲ F̲a̲c̲t̲s̲

Iggy never felt connected with the concept of gender. Even as a kid, she would express indifference and even discomfort with being a "boy". It just never felt right; nothing did. As Ludwig and Wendy transitioned, it made Iggy think really hard about their own identity yet again. So Ludwig is now a boy, and Wendy now a girl, but Iggy didn't want to be either! Where did his answer lie? Iggy turned to the computer in the library. Now imagine Iggy doing research on mid-2000's internet, and whatever the Nintendo universe equivalent of Tumblr is- he found the word "agender" and it's definition. That felt right. Iggy then first told Ludwig and Wendy about his discovery. Upon receiving their support, he came out to the rest of the family. He would go through different uses of pronouns until deciding that any works.

Figuring out their sexuality was a lot harder. Iggy would find themselves attracted to characters within stories and otherwise fictional people/koopas/whatever, but not really anyone in real life. Iggy wondered if she was aromantic for quite a while, but ultimately decided against it. Her feelings of romance weren't limited or exclusive. She even found herself liking the idea of dating someone in real life- she just didn't really have anyone to gain those feelings for in castle life. She then started to try meeting new people, which mainly happened through Mario Kart tournaments. There were several talented creatures who worked for her sibling's companies he's made good relationships with! She would take the time to become acquaintances with each of them, trying to see who stuck out as a potential romantic interest or who would remain friends. Iggy actually found himself giddy over a few of these creatures, confirming he definitely feels and enjoys romance. Exploring like this helped Iggy to realize that none of his crushes were ever men, only women and non-binary/mixed trans-identifying creatures. Iggy turned to Wendy for answers, in which she provided a few labels that Iggy could consider if he wanted to use them. Iggy decided that who he's attracted to best fit under the lesbian label, feeling a connection of solidarity with Wendy. He's happy with the labels he's chosen for himself.

"But Izzy, who stood out to Iggy the most? Will she ever get a girlfriend/partner???" There is a Lakitu named Brit who works for Morton's company she's had an eye on for a little while...

Iggy's needed glasses since they were about 4 years old. Momma made the glass, and Dad made the frames. He watched them as they made the glasses- perhaps this taught Iggy how to make the unparalled glass that she sells.

Iggy owns Iggy's Glass yeah yeah we know. Her company is responsible for creating the windsheilds and mirrors on the karts.

I don't consider Hotel Mario to be canon in my story, but Iggy would absolutely try to pull something as stupid as a cheese hotel.

Iggy runs a Tumblr blog, except it's not called Tumblr idk what the platform would be called in the Mario world. It's dedicated to her scientific findings, interests, computer shit, etc. Nerd things. It's got a lot of followers.

Iggy has a lot of online friends. More than irl friends. She messages them on her computer everyday.

What would Mario world Discord be called? She has an account there too

He also has a YouTube (KoopTube??), but only uploads tutorials.

She loves to bother her siblings on social media. Usually through tagging them in stupid posts, or making a post mentioning them such as: "Like for a tbh" *2 minutes later* "@/LudwigvonMaestro ur kinda gay :/" "I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE!!!!"

That also goes for the sibling group chat.

You may have noticed the favorite foods I gave Iggy were all pineapple based. That is because Iggy is one with the pineapple. There's no explanation for it.

His full name is Ignatius Koopa. Calling him by full name will make him go 😐

There is nothing wrong with Iggy's irises. The thickness of his glasses provides a magnified effect on his eyes that make it look like the iris is separated from the pupil. If he took his glasses off, or if you saw his eyes from an angle unobscured by the glasses, you'd see the pupil and iris are connected like normal. His pupils are swirls as I've been drawing them, though. It's symbolic of how he changed.

Iggy's tail wags a lot. He's like a dog it's funny

Iggy engineers a lot of things that are used around the castle and by her family. Ludwig's hearing aids are one example. She also invented the Mechakoopas, and even taught Junior how to build them.

They would really like to collaborate more with Ludwig in engineering terms, but Luddy lets his pride get in the way of that.

Iggy does not care one little bit who's the "smartest Koopaling". There's just no talking sense into Ludwig sometimes, so she doesn't bother.

[dreaminofdixon]

Twelve.

Okay, so I've written a LOT of this and always tend to go back and make changes periodically as well as when I'm getting ready to post. Trying something new....trying to infuse a little Daryl insight into this? But not sure how to do it in first person with intermingled third person narrative. So...let me know what you think? Is it a flop? Should I keep trying it out?

***

The morning came down like a hammer, the kind that leaves you reeling. Daryl and I had spent half the night on the hood of a rusted Chevy, swapping stories from before the world went to hell. The stars were out, cold and indifferent, and we didn’t notice the hours slipping away until the sky started to bruise with dawn. He’d tucked me to my ‘hotel’—a beat-up sedan with a busted windshield and a door that squeaked like it was screaming. He stood there, eyes sharp in the dim light, waiting until I clicked the lock shut. Only then did he turn, stalking back to his own shelter, parked just close enough to keep an eye on things.

If dates still existed, I’d call that one. Maybe not in his head, but in mine? Hell yes. And if that’s the flicker of light I get to hold onto in this mess, then it’s a date, no question.

I stumbled out of the car, yawning so hard my jaw popped. Clumsy as hell, geez, I thought, rolling my eyes at myself.

“You good?” Glenn’s laugh cut through the haze, his grin too bright for this early.

“Barely. Didn’t catch much sleep.”

“Not exactly a five-star resort, but it’s a roof,” he said, tossing me a smirk.

“Basically the Four Seasons.... minus a few,” I teased.

I grabbed the frayed blanket, a lumpy pillow, and a flickering camping light from the car, hauling them toward the RV. Carol was already up, buzzing around like she’d been awake for hours. Morning people are a plague. Most days, I’d let it slide, but today? Her cheer was like a kick to the shins.

“Hey, sweetie! Sleep okay?” she chirped, snatching the bedding from my arms.

“Fine,” I muttered, biting back a groan. Lori handed me a stale granola bar and a warm bottle of water. I tore the wrapper open and perched on the hood of a nearby car, waiting for the group to get their act together.

Morning people are a code I’ll never crack. I could sleep for a month and still wake up growling for at least two hours. Then, like clockwork, I crash at 2:00 p.m. Only after that do I feel remotely human, ready to face the rest of the day... until about 8:00. If you don't hit me in those few hours of lucidity, you're S.O.L. Try again tomorrow.

That’s just how I’m built—always have been, always will be. There will be no apologies for my physiology.

Rick rallied everyone, passing out food and water like a man who’d seen too many plans go sideways. “Alright,” he said, voice steady but frayed at the edges. “Today, we head east. Keep moving 'til we find something—shelter, supplies, anything—or till dark. We need a place to hole up, somewhere we can breathe and think straight.”

A tired murmur of agreement rippled through the group, heads nodding under the weight of too many bad days.

“Pack up, load up, let’s move in fifteen. Don’t waste daylight.” Rick checked his watch, then turned to help Lori with the gear.

I stayed put, legs swinging off the hood. “Hey, Dale?”

The old man turned, his smile warm as ever. He was the group’s heartbeat, a father figure who kept us from falling apart. “What’s up?”

“RV fueled up?”

“Yes, ma’am. Handled it at dawn.”

“Sweet. Guess I’ll just... hold this car down then.”

The heat was already creeping in, thick and unforgiving. Summer was a relentless bastard without AC, and I was basically counting the days till fall. We’d need coats and heavier clothes soon, but scavenging was just part of the deal now. Anything was better than this suffocating sun.

“Mornin’,” Daryl said, his voice low and rough as he stepped up. He was chewing the last of his granola bar, eyes flicking over the group—Carol and Lori folding blankets, Glenn checking tires. Always watching, always ready.

The night had left Daryl wired, not tired. He’d lain in his car after walking her to hers, staring at the cracked roof, replaying every word they’d traded. Talking with her felt... easy. Too easy. It scared him, how she slipped past his guard, how her laugh could make him forget the world was a graveyard. He hadn’t meant to stay up all night, but every time he thought about leaving, she’d say something else, and he’d stay. Now, standing here, he felt the weight of it—her eyes on him, soft but sharp, like she saw more than he wanted her to. He didn’t know what to do with that. Didn’t know if he could afford to let her in. But damn it, he wanted to.

“Good morning.” I swallowed a bite of my bar. “Sleep okay?”

“Fine,” he said, but his mind was elsewhere. 

He hadn’t slept, not really. Just a couple of hours, maybe, his brain too busy mulling over her voice, her smile, the way she leaned closer when she talked. He’d caught himself wanting to reach out, to touch her, but he’d stopped short. Too risky. Too much to lose.

“Good.”

“Ridin’ with me?”

“If you’ll have me.”

He grunted, his version of ‘yes,’ but inside, his chest tightened. He liked her on the bike, her arms around him, her warmth against his back. It was the closest he let anyone get, and even that felt like a crack in his armor. But he kept asking her to ride, didn’t he? Kept pulling her close. Maybe he was the fool here.

I watched him from the corner of my eye, trying to be subtle. He stood like a predator, coiled and ready, always scanning for trouble. It had to be exhausting, carrying that weight. I worried about him—how little he slept, how much he took on—but damn, it was attractive. Before all this, I’d have chased clean-cut guys with steady paychecks and pressed shirts. Now? A man who could keep you alive was all that mattered. And Daryl? He was a fortress.

Daryl felt her eyes on him, like a heat he couldn’t shake. He was used to being watched—by enemies, by walkers, by the group—but this was different. Her gaze wasn’t fear or judgment. It was... something else. Something that made his skin itch and his heart thud. He didn’t know how to handle it, so he kept his focus on the group, on the tasks, on anything but the way she looked at him. Still, he stole a glance at her, catching the curve of her jaw, the way her hair fell messy from sleep. She was trouble, and he was already in too deep.

The scruff on his jaw, the sweat carving lines down his arms, that dark, greasy hair falling into his squinting eyes—he was raw, unpolished, and I couldn’t look away.

Aaaand then he caught me staring. 

Oops. “What?” I took a sip of water, playing innocent.

“You watchin’ me?” His voice was gruff, but there was a flicker in his eyes, something almost… playful.

“Maybe. You have a problem with that?”

His lip twitched, the ghost of a smirk, before he snapped back to stone-cold Daryl. “Le’s load up.”

I grinned, sliding off the hood. Engines were roaring to life, the group falling into motion. I followed him to his bike, watching the way he moved—sure, steady, like he was built for this world. He swung his leg over the seat, kicked up the stand, and looked at me through that curtain of hair. “C’mon.”

Daryl’s hands itched as he gripped the handlebars, waiting for her to climb on. He didn’t know why he kept her close, why he let her ride with him when he could’ve sent her to the RV. But the thought of her anywhere else made his gut twist. She was his responsibility—his choice. And if he was honest, he liked the way she held onto him, the way her voice softened when she teased him. It was a lifeline, one he didn’t deserve but couldn’t let go of.

“You know,” I said, taking his hand for balance as I threw my leg over the seat behind him, “you sure like bossing me around.”

“For yer own good.” He meant it, too. She was too reckless sometimes, too used to being alone. Now that she’d been in the group for awhile, too quick to smile in a world that ate smiles for breakfast. He’d seen what happened to people who let their guard down. He wouldn’t let that happen to her.

“Is it?”

“Put yer damn arms around me so we can go.”

“Well, all you had to do was ask.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist, keeping it loose at first. Didn’t want to misread the vibe and make a fool of myself. But then he grabbed my hands, his calloused fingers rough and warm, and yanked me tight against his back. My breath caught, but if he noticed, he didn’t let on.

Daryl felt her press against him, her chest flush with his spine, and it took everything not to react. Her warmth was a fire he didn’t know how to handle, but he craved it all the same. He adjusted her hands, making sure she was secure, telling himself it was just practical. But the truth? He liked her there, close enough to feel her heartbeat. It was dangerous, letting himself want this, but he was past caring.

“Hang on.”

I bit my lip, molding myself closer, my chest pressed tight against him. “Better?”

“Mm hmm.” His voice was steady, but inside, his pulse was hammering. She was too close, too real, and he was losing the fight to keep her at arm’s length.

“Feel safer already.” I buried my face in his shoulder, grinning like a fool.

Three honks sounded behind them, one from each car—the signal to move. Daryl revved the engine, and we were off, leading the convoy north toward an eastern highway. The road was a graveyard of abandoned cars and the occasional shambling walker, their groans lost in the wind. Hours could pass like this, and I wouldn’t care. With him, time melted away too fast.

Daryl kept his eyes on the road, but his mind was on her. The way her arms tightened when they hit a bump, the soft huff of her breath against his shoulder. He’d spent years keeping people out, building walls higher than the ones they’d left behind in Atlanta. But her? She was a crack in the foundation, a light he couldn’t snuff out. He didn’t know what that meant, not yet. All he knew was he’d keep her close, keep her safe, for as long as he could.

I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes, letting the rumble of the bike and the whip of the wind wrap around us. “You okay, Princess?” His hand brushed my knee, light but deliberate, sending a jolt through me.

“Mm hmm.” I shifted, resting my chin on his shoulder, savoring the warmth of his touch. “Always okay with you.”

His hum was barely audible over the engine, his hand lingering on my leg for a heartbeat before returning to the handlebar. That brief contact was everything. Whatever it took to keep his hands on me, I’d do it. In this world, that kind of spark was worth fighting for.

Daryl’s jaw tightened as he let go of her knee, forcing his focus back to the road. Her words—always okay with you—echoed in his head, heavy and warm. He didn’t know how to carry that, didn’t know if he was built for it. But the way she held him, the way she trusted him, it stirred something he thought he’d buried long ago. Hope. And that scared him more than any walker ever could. ***

@imadisneyprincessiswear

@knight-of-the-doctor

[pastshadows]

Shadows of the Past

Chapter 1: Abandonment

Summary: After a year of blissful cohabitation, Astarion disappears without a trace, leaving behind a heartfelt letter explaining his departure. Determined to find him, you traverse Faerûn in search of your lost love, only to realize that some absences are meant to be permanent.

Returning to Waterdeep, you find solace in the company of Gale as you come to terms with Astarion's absence. But just as you begin to heal, Astarion reappears, begging for a second chance at love.

The question looms: can you forgive his abandonment and trust him once more? As you grapple with your emotions and trauma, a sinister force lurks in the shadows, targeting you for unknown reasons.

With danger closing in, you must navigate the treacherous waters of trust, love, and betrayal to uncover the truth behind the mysterious entity's motives. Will you be able to reunite with Astarion while facing the demons of your past? Can you unravel the secrets that threaten your very existence?

Setting: Post End-Game. Mostly canon compliant.

Word Count: 6.3K

Content: Explicit - intended for mature audiences.

Warnings: [Additional tags will be added, but expect mature content / read at your own risk.

Spoilers. Mentions of in-game missable content. Violence. Longing. Sexual themes. Blood drinking. Angst. Innuendos. High use of sarcasm. Completely fabricated camp interactions.

Astarion parts your legs with his knee and lowers his lips to yours in a hungry kiss. Your hand sweeps gently up the creamy skin of his side, and you revel in its familiar chill. The tips of your fingers gently brush the edges of the raised scars on his back.  

Astarion stills under your touch at once, his muscles going taught as he clenches his jaw. 

Fuck. 

You pull back to look at him. His eyes are squeezed tightly closed, and his brows knit together in a pained grimace. 

“Astarion?”  

He sighs, “I’m sorry.”  

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Too much for today?”  

“Yes,” he whispers as shifts from his position between your thighs, sitting upright on the bed. 

He runs his fingers through the silvery curls of his hair, frustrated. It breaks your heart every time seeing him like this.  

“Hey, look at me.”  

He glances back at you. Despair swirls in his crimson eyes. His mouth is set in a hard line.  

“It’s okay.” 

He shakes his head. His voice shakes with frustration, “But I want this, want you, all of you.”  

You sit up and position yourself beside him but take care not to touch him.  

“I know. Sometimes what we want doesn’t always align with what we need.”  

He groans with a small smile tugging at his lips, “Stop being so nice to me.” 

You giggle, “Why? Because it makes you want to be nice back?”  

He smirks at the shared memory, “Precisely, my dear.”  

His arm wraps around you, pulling you close up against him.  

Laying your head on his shoulder, you take a deep breath and let your eyes drift closed, enjoying the intimacy.  

This was an ongoing battle that you doubted would be won anytime soon if it ever could be. Astarion’s trauma still hooked its greedy claws into him. He would often initiate but would freeze up under your touch before you could make love.  

“I could try…” he trails off.  

You know what he’s going to offer. He always did.  

“No, you beautiful, beautiful fool. That’s enough for today, but I will accept cuddles… if you’re up for it.”  

He chuckles and lays back, resting his head on the feather pillow.  

“Come here, darling.”  

You cuddle up beside him, laying your head gently in the crook of his arm. He plants a soft kiss on your forehead.  

When you look up at him, he looks a million miles away, staring at the ceiling blankly, losing himself in his thoughts.  

You feel an odd unease tighten in your stomach. This happens regularly. Usually, your supportive words are enough to bring him back, but this time feels different somehow.  

He breaks the silence with a desolate whisper, “Do you think I will ever get better?” 

His desolate tone is heart-wrenching. You’ve got the feeling that he believes he may be irreparably broken from discussions you and him have had.   

You plant a light kiss on his chest. Propping yourself up on your arm, you reach and cradle his face in your palm. His eyes drift from the ceiling down to you.  

“You’re not broken, Astarion. We will get through this. Give it time.”  

He nuzzles his face into your palm, seeking the comfort of your touch.  

“I have an eternity, but your time is finite.”  

You scoff at him. You’re a High Elf, just like him, and although 750 years may not be infinite like his, you have centuries to either find a cure for him or extend your life further. He’s well aware of this, but lately, he has been overly focused on the fact that you will die eventually.  

“Exactly how old do you presume me to be, Astarion?” 

It dawns on you that he never actually asked how old you were. For all he knew, half of your life was already over.  

“Last time I checked, it was considered impolite to ask a lady her age.” 

You can’t help yourself, and you burst out laughing. After all the things you two had been through together, and he thinks asking your age is going to, what, offend you? 

Ridiculous man. 

The expression on his face is a mixture of shock and puzzlement. His eyebrow is cocked up, and he stares at you quizzically.  

“What’s so funny?”  

You smirk, “My love, we have enraged and killed Gods, fought countless fiends, demons and devils, and felled a Netherbrain together, and you worry that you, my partner, my soul mate, my everything, asking my age is impolite?”  

He grins, “Well… when you put it like that, I suppose it does seem a little ridiculous.” 

“I have many centuries ahead of me, and I will spend them all with you, I hope.”  

Astarion smiles, but there is something hidden in that smile, and it brings back the uneasy feeling you felt before. You can't quite place what it is. 

Astarion grabs your hands and holds them, his thumbs caressing them comfortingly.  

“I love you, and I will love you forever. You know that, right?”  

There’s an odd urgency straining his voice as if he needs to know that you know this. That uneasy feeling blooms into pure anxiety at the urgency in his voice, the look in his eyes and even the smile on his face. Something feels wrong.  

“Tell me what’s going on, Astarion. You’re starting to scare me.” 

“Don’t be scared, my sweet. I just want you to know that I love you, now and forevermore.”  

Your heart races inside your chest. Your stomach is in knots. Your whole body is screaming at you that something isn’t right.  

You look at him and search his face for any signs that something is amiss, but you can’t see anything. He looks relaxed, if a little sad, but that isn’t unusual after he couldn’t perform.  

“Shhhh, my love.” he purrs, “everything is fine.”  

He rubs your back and kisses your shoulder softly, trying to comfort you. You lean into him.  

“Astarion…”  

“It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.” he says in a low whisper close to your ear.  

“Come, my love. Let’s lay down for a while until night falls. Once you fall asleep, I’ll slip out to go hunting.” 

You lay back down with him, putting your head on his chest.  

For some strange reason, be it due to your anxiety or his strange behaviour, you desperately don’t want him to go hunting, not tonight.  

“You could feed on me tonight if you want?”  

“As tempting an offer as that is, there is no need. There are plenty of animals in the forest.”  

“I know, but you still could.” 

You don’t even know why you’re pushing this so hard, but something deep down in you is frantic to keep him close.  

“Not tonight, darling.” 

He uses the same tone he used with that vile blood merchant at Moonrise, and you know better than to push it any further.  

You try to relax back into him, but your body is buzzing with an anxiety you have not felt in some time. If only you could place it…  

Astarion starts to hum your favourite tune low in his throat as he always did when you were feeling anxious while rubbing your arm with his fingers. 

You slowly drift into a troubled trance.  

When you wake up the next morning, Astarion is nowhere to be found. You had felt him leave to go hunting, but he never returned.  

Did he get caught by someone or something? Did the sunrise take him by surprise, and he found someplace to wait it out?  

He is always home well before the sun starts to creep over the horizon.  

This was entirely unusual. He always returned and crawled back into bed with you.  

Leaping out of bed, you throw your robe on and glance out the door. The day is cloudy and cool, and you can smell the rain. In a frantic rush, you throw your boots on and start toward the forest you know he goes hunting in most. 

You wander the forest, calling out to him, but there are no traces of him. No dead carrion, no footprints, no signs of a struggle - just nothing. Your heart is hammering in your tightening chest, and you search frantically for anything that could lead you to him.  

You spend the entire day wandering the forests. Even when the rain starts to pour down on you, leaving you soaked and freezing, you endure.  

The darkness of night envelops the land, and you return home utterly exhausted, hoping to find him there safe and sound.  

You open the door, and the little house is as dark, quiet and as empty as you left it.  

You start a fire in the large stone fireplace and stand there to warm your frozen body.  

Where could he have gone? Why did he go? What did I do? 

You look around the little place you had shared with him for over a year.  

It looks so empty without him…  

A yellow-tinged envelope catches your eye, sitting on your bedside table. You must have missed it in your rush to go find him this morning.  

Picking it up, a sense of dread fills you. It smells of rosemary, bergamot, and brandy. Your hands shake as they open the letter, and you slip out the neatly folded piece of paper.  

Placing the envelope down, you sit on the edge of the bed, staring at the folded letter. You pray that this isn’t what you think it is, but a part of you knows it’s precisely what you fear.  

Your trembling hands have trouble unfolding the parchment. It’s written in a beautiful hand. 

“My Dearest Love,  

My only one, I’m sorry it had to be this way. I knew I would never have the strength to say goodbye to you in person, to look into your eyes and see the hurt I’d caused. I am a coward, as I always have been.  

I believe being with me is holding you back from the beautiful life and love you deserve; one I am unable to provide for you.  

I love you too much to keep dragging you down into the dark.  

I hope you can forgive me one day.  

You made my dead heart beat anew. I could never forget you.  

I love you now and forevermore.

Love always,

Astarion"

Tears slide down your reddened face and drip onto the parchment in your hand. Once you’re finished reading it, it slips from your fingers and floats to the floor.  

He left me… 

You curl up on the bed you had shared with him for years, breathing the scent of him that lingered on the sheets. Violent sobs wrack your body as your heart is torn asunder.  

How could he do this…  

You cry until your body can’t produce any more tears, and you finally drift into a grief-stricken sleep.  

In the morning, you look around the little house you shared with him and realize that he had taken some of his belongings but not all of them.  

How long had he been playing this?  

Your once cozy home now feels cold, empty and claustrophobic. The walls feel like they are closing in on you.  

What am I going to do? 

You stay in that little house for a couple of weeks, hoping Astarion will change his mind and come back to you.  

A useless fantasy  

He never returns, but you never expected him to.  

You had spent every night over the last several weeks wandering the forest surrounding the area, checking his favourite hunting spots.  

In the city, you had tried searching for him in the taverns, the hostels, the flophouses, everywhere you could think of. You even followed the roads until sunrise, hoping you might bump into him.  

In truth, you knew that you would never find him if he didn’t want you to, but you had to try at least.  

You spend the next years searching for him in every place you can think of.  

You search Baldur’s Gate and all his regular haunts. 

You go back to the Underdark to see if he went there. He had talked about helping the other spawn at one point, but his siblings tell you they haven’t seen him. You even use Detect Thoughts covertly to see if they are lying to you, just in case.  

You return to the Grove even though you know it’s a long shot. He wasn’t ever fond of that place.  

You even search old camping spots he was particularly fond of. You doubted he would return to sleeping on the ground, but you tried anyway.  

You find nothing, of course. It was as if he just disappeared from existence entirely. 

Eventually, all hope fades away, and you are forced to face the fact that he’s gone and he’s not coming back.  

Not knowing where else to turn, you decide to go to Waterdeep, where Gale has kindly offered that you stay with him for as long as you need to.  

You start a new life there, as best you can.  

Months Later 

“Good morning! Can I offer you some tea?”  

Gale’s overly chipper tone in the morning makes you cringe inwardly.

How could someone be this happy in the morning? 

“Yes, please.”  

You rub your tired eyes, yawning.  

“Splendid!” 

Gale places a steaming mug of herbal tea on the table, and you take it in your hands, enjoying the warmth.  

“You look tired, my friend. Are nightmares still troubling you?”  

Your rest is plagued by constant, unforgiving nightmares that often wake you up screaming into the dead of night.  

“I’m fine. If I keep you up at night, I could move to a room further away?”  

Gale’s manor was grand, of course. It had more rooms than you cared to count and all the luxuries you could ever want. Despite that, this never felt like home, even after all this time.  

“There’s no need. I’m usually awake, nose buried in a good book. At least it is nothing like Wyll’s snoring. Gods.”  

You both laugh at that. Wyll had snored so loud some nights that you were worried Astarion would kill him just for some peace and quiet.  

“So, what’s on the docket for today?”  

“Oh, I’m going to go out into the city to meet some friends.”  

“That sounds like a lovely idea! I’m glad you’re making friends. I’d love to meet them.” Gale’s grins happily.  

“Of course, um, one day, okay?” 

“I can host a grand dinner and make them my signature dish!”  

You almost choke on your tea. Gale tried, but most of his cooking was… lacklustre.  

“I better go get ready then. Thank you for the tea.” 

Returning to your room, you slip into a clean robe and pull on your boots before heading down the long, winding staircase.  

Gale is waiting at the bottom of the stairs, “will you be home in time for dinner?”  

“Oh, no, probably not. Don’t wait for me.”  

“Be careful out there at night, this isn’t Baldur’s Gate, but it’s not exactly safe either,” he warns with a worried look.  

You want to roll your eyes at him but stop yourself. Did he think you couldn’t take care of yourself? You had spent years roaming Faerûn looking for Astarion by yourself and only returned with a handful of new scars.  

Well, ones he can see anyway.  

“I’ll be careful, Gale. Thank you.”  

With that, you slip out of the door into the air, chilled by the breeze coming off the sea. It was truly beautiful here… if only you could appreciate it.  

You walk briskly through the busy city streets, wanting to leave them behind you as quickly as possible. Waterdeep was a busy city, and people already packed the thoroughfare going about their days.  

You had spent so much time by yourself during your years searching for Astation that you had become accustomed to being alone. You were still trying to acclimatize to city life again.  

Stopping at a small tavern, you buy yourself some wine.  

Probably not the healthiest way to deal with my issues...  

Near the outskirts of the city, you see the familiar little path that you walk almost every day. It took you to a beautiful lookout point that no one seemed to visit. It was your favourite place to be alone.  

The wealthy of this city don’t want to ruin their fine boots, I suppose.  

You sit on the edge of the cliff face, letting your legs hang over precariously.  

What am I going to do about Gale wanting to meet these “friends” of mine  

Truthfully, you’d made up these “friends” so you could get some time alone. Gale was your friend, and you enjoyed his company, but he could be overattentive at times.  

The silence up here was as beautiful as the views. The noises of the city were left behind, and only the soft winds blowing through the trees could be heard. 

You uncork one of the bottles and drink straight from it. You had no; how did Gale put it - ah yes, decorum.  

You spend the entire day sitting up there, drowning your heartache in the only elixir that could lessen the pain in your chest and numb the void in your soul.  

I can’t believe it’s been years. 

You often think about the time you spent together, replaying it over and over, analyzing every interaction, every word, every touch. 

What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Something I did? Something I didn’t do? Something I didn’t say?  

Tears fall from your eyes at the memories, and you wipe them away with the back of your hand.  

I thought we were happy. 

You watch the light of day slowly fade as the sun drops below the horizon, blanketing the city in the dullness of night. 

I guess I should go back.  

You stumble your way down the steep path. 

Perhaps I had too much today.  

Reaching the city, you walk through the now slightly less busy streets. Much of the throngs of people have retired to their homes or, more likely, the taverns of the city. You hear vivacious laughter from some of the taphouses, signaling the end of another day.  

A light breeze stirs, and you faintly catch the scent of rosemary and bergamot. Even in the wine’s blissfully numbing embrace, your heart clenches and leaps in your chest.  

You look around in every direction, but no one and nothing stands out.  

You sigh, chiding your heart, telling it to stop flip-flopping around in your chest. 

It isn’t him. It will never be him again. 

You continue walking, but every time the breeze stirs, that smell of rosemary and bergamot drifts with it.  

Great, now the very Gods themselves are fucking with me. 

You can’t help but stop to look around again. You make sure to pay extra attention to dark corners and alleys, but you see nothing out of the ordinary.  

Or perhaps, I’m just going crazy. 

You shake your head and laugh at yourself for being so foolish, but another tear escapes your eye and glides slowly down your cheek.  

Rounding a corner into a dimly lit corridor, you come face to face with a group of people looking particularly dishevelled. Their eyes slither over you repulsively.  

“Well, well, what do we have here? A little lady, all lost and alone?”  

Excellent. This is just what I need today - a mugging. 

“Don’t be scared; no one has to get hurt here. Just give us your coin, and we will be on our way. Won’t we, lads?”   

Foul, yellow-stained toothy grins split across the faces of the others malevolently.  

They each draw small blades, so small you would hardly call them daggers. You very nearly laugh at their pathetic excuse for weapons.  

The citizens of Waterdeep must be easy to scare; fortunately, I am not.  

Grasping the weave, you turn, but before you can even get a cantrip playing on your fingertips, you hear a familiar voice.  

“Touch her and die.”  

No… it can’t possibly be. 

The group of dishevelled people look around wildly, trying to find the source of that voice.  

One of them steps forward threateningly, “Trying to play tricks on us, sorcerer? We aren’t so easily spooked.”  

Your eyes search the rooftops surrounding the corridor. If he were to be anywhere, it would be there. You don’t see anything at first, but you catch a glimpse of movement and faintly make out a figure moving over the roofs shrouded in darkness.  

Stepping closer, with that sad excuse for a dagger pointed at you, the man growls, “Your coin. Now. We won’t ask nicely again, little lady.”  

Astarion jumps down in front of you with his blades drawn.  

“Final warning. Try to touch her and die.”  

You’re speechless, just staring at the back of his head in bewilderment. 

How much did I have to drink today? Am I hallucinating?  

The group sizes Astarion up, no doubt wondering if all 5 of them could take on 1 of him.  

With a shake of your head, you finally regain some of your composure and stand next to Astarion with a fireball playing on your fingertips.  

“Do they dare?” he whispers only loud enough for you to hear.  

“I kind of wish they would,” you whisper back, but lower knowing his hearing is much better than your own.  

He chuckles under his breath.  

They stare at you with your fire, and the look at their weapons compared to Astarion’s, gawking at them before they bolt off as if the fires of the Hells themselves were licking at their ankles, leaving you and Astarion standing there laughing.  

The laughter falls away abruptly and is replaced by abashed crimson eyes as he turns toward you.  

“Astarion?”  

You reach out to him, needing to be sure this isn’t a hallucination brought on by your sleep deprivation or just another dream.  

He gently takes your hand in his and plants a soft kiss on the back. The bracing chill of his skin sends a shiver running up your spine.  

“Yes, darling. It’s me.” 

Your temper ignites, rage flashes through you like wildfire, and you shove him hard. 

“You left me!” 

Your lower lip quivers. Tears immediately flood your eyes and spill down your reddened cheeks in small streams.  

The corners of his mouth draw downwards, and remorse saturates his expression. 

“I know.” 

Your chest feels tight as if your lungs are constricting around your wildly beating heart, and you swallow the lump rising in your throat.  

“What did I do wrong?” Your voice shakes.  

His eyebrows pop upwards, creasing his forehead and his eyes round in shock.  

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”  

“Then why?!”  

Bringing his hand to the back of his neck, he sighs, “I thought… I thought it was for the best.”  

“For who?” 

You know the answer, but you want to hear him say it.  

“You.” 

Indignation reignites the raging wildfire, and you shoot him a smouldering glower. 

“Fuck you, Astarion! What gave you the right to decide what’s best for me?” 

“You’re right.”  

His admittance catches you off guard. The repentant tone of his voice washes over you like a wave, quelling the fiery rage burning through your veins.  

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath, filling your lungs with the brisk air, trying to rein in your emotions.  

Exhaling slowly through your mouth, you meet his gaze again, “Why are you here, Astarion?”  

He shuffles his feet, “I’ve been looking for you.” 

You scoff, “Why? Why now?”  

He rubs his hands together, “If you are willing to hear me out, I would like to… talk.” he glances away from you, unsure of himself, “I understand if you don’t want to. If you never wish to see me again, say the word, and you will never have to lay eyes on me again.” 

“Not tonight.”  

“Of course, whenever you want to. I’m staying at an inn on the edge of town called Golden Harp Inn, room 2.”  

“I’ll think about it. Goodbye, Astarion.”  

You turn away from him, squeezing your eyes shut, biting your lower lip, fighting the urge to cry.  

“Would you allow me to walk you home?”  

Your eyelashes sweep up as you look to the heavens, exasperated.  

“Are you going to follow me regardless?”  

He chuckles, “Probably, but I’ll be eminently more discreet about it.”  

“You know I can take care of myself, right?” 

“Of course, darling. I’m well aware you can burn anyone you wish to ash, or worse.” 

A small smile pulls the corner of his mouth upward, and his fangs just barely peek out of his lips.  

That damn smile tugs at your heart strings as it always did.  

Gods, I’ve missed him.  

You roll your eyes, “Fine.”  

“Lead on.”  

You walk together in an awkward silence. His trained eyes observe the surroundings, instinctively searching for dangers lurking in the murky gloom. You’re thankful when you reach Gale’s grandiose manor.  

Astarion looks up at the tower reaching high into the sky, clearly impressed.  

“You live here?”  

“This is Gale’s Manor. I’ve been staying here with him.” 

A forlorn look passes over his face, and he looks down at the ground.  

“I see,” his eyebrow cocks inquisitively but regains his confident composure quickly, “I hope to see you soon. Goodnight, my dear.”  

With no further ado, he strides away and disappears into the twilight like a ghost. 

What in the Nine Hells am I going to do? 

You give your head a quick shake, trying to dislodge your whirling thoughts.  

The manor is dark when you enter, with only a few flickering candles strewn about in various places. 

You tiptoe up to your way up to your room, close and lock the large door, and slowly sink to the ground, wrapping your arms around your knees.  

You let the sorrow you feel consume you, and you sob inconsolably.  

You awake with a start and find yourself on the floor where you had sunk to and cried yourself into some semblance of a trance.  

Pushing yourself to your feet, you look at yourself in the mirror hanging on the opulently wallpapered wall. Your eyes are bloodshot and swollen with dark bags stretching out under your eyes. You groan at your reflection.  

Great. 

Slipping into a clean robe, you make your way downstairs. Glancing out the tall window, you surmise that dawn had barely broken the horizon. The sun sits low, split in half by the bay. The golden light is just starting to brighten the dark sky.  

Sighing, you make yourself some tea and sit on the terrace. The steaming hot cup warms your hands, providing a sense of comfort.  

What in the Hells am I going to do? 

You hadn't been able to think about it last night, consumed by grief. The voice in your head screams at you. Your intuition wails desperately at you that you should probably ask him to leave and never return. He broke you once, and you still haven’t recovered from his sudden disappearance. Unfortunately, what you know and what you want are constantly at war with each other.  

I don’t want him to go.  

Whether you liked it or not, your heart still belonged to him, and somehow, you knew it always would.  

Gale’s voice breaches the serene silence of the emerging dawn.  

“You’re up early this morning.” 

Startled, you jump, and your tea spills into your lap.  

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He says as he grabs a towel from the kitchen and hands it to you.  

Taking the towel, you wipe your lap, “It’s okay. I was just lost in my thoughts.”  

“Care to share what’s on your mind? Perhaps I could be of some assistance or provide a friendly ear.” 

Should I tell him about Astarion?  

You know you should. Gale was your friend, after all. You had quite literally been through hell and back together. He could help you sort out this mess you found yourself in if only you would let him in.  

For some reason, you feel the desperate need to keep Astarion’s resurgence to yourself.  

“No, it’s just my nightmares again.” 

You feel an immediate gush of insurmountable guilt. The lie slips out of your mouth skillfully, much too easily for your comfort, but you’re not ready to share Astarion just yet, not until you figure out why he is here and what he wants from you.  

“I’m going to go for a walk. I need to clear my head. Do you need me to pick anything up while I’m out?”  

Gale shrugs his shoulder, “No, no. There’s no need to trouble yourself. Enjoy your walk.” 

The early morning air is colder than you had prepared for, and you shiver slightly. You spend the day aimlessly wandering around the city, lost in your thoughts of Astarion.  

What could he possibly want now? How long had he been looking for you? How did he know you were in Waterdeep?  

You had so many questions that only he could answer.  

The day passes in a blur, and before you know it, you’re standing outside the Golden Harp Inn as the sun starts to dip below the horizon.  

You stand outside the inn in a paralyzing apprehension. An inquisitory voice penetrates your thoughts, breaking you out of them.   

“Can I help you?”  

Your eyes drift from the worn sign of the tavern and meet the woman's anticipatory glare.  

How long have I been standing out here? 

You shake your head, “Sorry. I’m looking for someone who might be staying here.” 

Her brows raise in a suspicious glower, “And you’re looking for them outside?”  

It was a fair question.  

You plaster on the most innocent grin you can muster. “No, I just, uh... I wasn’t sure I had the right place, is all.”  

She gives you a curt nod, “Well, why don’t you describe who you are looking for? I know all of my patrons.”  

Your mouth quirks up in a half smile.  

How do I describe him? 

“Elf, extremely pale, obnoxiously smart mouth.”  

“Oh, him,” she rolls her eyes hard, “he’s in room 2. Up the stairs, second door on your right.” she hesitates, judging you, “Be careful around that one, dear. He looks like he breaks hearts left and right.”  

Gods, you have no idea. 

You nod in appreciation, “Thank you.”  

As you walk up the creaking staircase, your body trembles in anxious anticipation. You take deep breaths, trying to steady the untamed beating of your heart.  

You warily eye the wooden door with the tarnished bronze #2 nailed precariously onto it, but you hesitate to knock.  

Do I want to do this? 

A muffled voice rings out from behind the closed door.  

“I can hear you breathing, you know.”  

Fuck. 

Astarion opens the door and gives you a shallow bow, inviting you in.

“How did you know it was me breathing? It could have been anyone.” 

He chuckles, “I can also smell your delectable blood, and I would recognize that scent anywhere.”  

Of course, how could I forget that?  

You bolster yourself, puffing out your chest in a silly attempt to appear more confident than you’re feeling.  

“Well, I’m here. What did you want to talk to me about?” 

“Straight to business, I see?” 

You scowl at him in a warning, “Astarion.”  

“Okay, darling. Okay.”  

He stares at your with an eyebrow cocked, “Are you cold?”  

“No.”  

He rolls his eyes exasperatedly, “You’re shivering, my dear.”  

Am I? 

“Here.” he drapes a blanket around your shoulders, pulling it tight in front of you, “better?”  

He’s standing close to you, and you inhale his comforting scent. He smells like the home you’ve been yearning to come back to.  

“Better.”  

He smiles, “Good.” He pauses, rubbing his hands together, “You… you might want to sit for this.” 

Your stomach leaps into your throat, and your heart rate spikes further. What in the hell was he doing to say to you that he thought you should be sitting for? Was he about to ask you to come to his wedding? Tell you about his new lover? Ask you to kill him?  

What heartbreak am I going to befall this time? I shouldn’t have come. 

He reaches out and squeezes your arm in a comforting gesture, “Easy, darling.”  

“What?”  

“I can hear your heart beating a million miles a minute.”  

You huff. You never could hide anything from him. He could read you like a favourite book.   

“Just spill it, Astarion. Stop stalling.”  

He glances away from you nervously, “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to sit?”  

“No, I don’t want to sit.”  

He sighs, “Okay, suit yourself.”  

He runs his fingers through his hair, and you can see the unease he feels on his face. His usually confident demeanour is nowhere to be seen. He looks unsure of himself for the first time since you were walking into the Szarr Palace intending to kill his master.  

He clears his throat and walks towards you. His gaze meets yours with an intensity that makes you gasp.  

“I’ve been looking for you for a while. You’re incredibly hard to track down.” 

You interrupt him, “How long?”  

“Over a year.”  

You would have been looking for him at the same time he was looking for you at one point. 

He takes a small step toward you, “I came here to tell you… I… I want to be with you, but I didn’t realize you had moved on with…” he cringes, “Gale.”  

A sad, fake smile spreads across his face, “Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised. He always did have feelings for you, and he can give you all the things I can’t, all the things you deserve.”  

You walk over to the chair, plunge yourself down into it, and start to laugh hysterically.  

Astarion doesn’t look amused, but he sits on the side of the bed opposite you, looking at you like you might be cursed.  

“I’m sorry,” you manage to squeeze out between giggles, “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at your assumptions.” 

“Care to elaborate, darling?”  

“Gale and I are not together, Astarion.”  

His eyebrow cocks, “But you’re living with him?”  

“I had nowhere else to go when you left… I couldn’t stay in our little house. You were everywhere and nowhere, and it hurt.”

Those vibrant scarlet irises glance away from you momentarily.  

He meets your eyes again, “So you’re not together?”  

You shake your head, stifling another giggle, “Absolutely not.”  

With a wide, relieved grin, he says, “This conversation has just become much more pleasant.” 

If only it were that simple.  

“I don’t know if I can be with you again, Astarion.”  

No matter how much I want to. 

You suddenly feel uncomfortably hot and rise from the chair, shrugging off the blanket.  

“What do you mean you want to be with me?”  

“I want you, all of you. Without you, life is hardly worth living. The last years taught me that.”  

You’re pacing around the small room now. Astarion’s eyes follow your movement keenly.  

“And you thought you could just show up, and I’d what? Welcome you back with open arms?”  

A chuckle rumbles deep in his chest, “A man can hope, but no.” his eyes meet yours with a humility you haven’t seen before, “I expected you to tell me to leave, or quite possibly burn me to ash, but here you are.”  he pauses, “I’m sorry I left.”  

You stop rapidly pacing the room and meet his eyes sadly, “I’m sorry you felt like you had to leave instead of just talking to me.”  

He huffs, “Oh, come off. You were amazing.”  

Tears brim in your eyes, “Then why did you leave me, Astarion?”  

“I…,” he steps so close that he’s almost touching you and wipes the tears escaping your eyes with his thumb, “I was afraid.”  

“Afraid of what? Me?” 

“Gods, no.” he hisses, “You’re the only person I’ve ever truly cared for. Have you truly spent the last couple of years thinking I left because of you?”  

“What else was I supposed to think?”  

His face softens, “Oh, my love. I’m so sorry.”  

Astarion wraps his arms around you in a tight hug. It takes you a minute, but you finally allow yourself to melt into him, pressing yourself hard against him. Your shoulders slump and shake with sobs.

When he finally releases you, you look up at him and are surprised to see tears running down his pale cheeks.  

Instinctively, you reach up and wipe them away with the back of your hand, “Don’t cry, Astarion.”  

He chuckles at you, amused, as he uses his thumb to wipe your tears away.  

“Don’t cry, my love,” he whispers. 

One of your hands still grasps a handful of his shirt. You’re scared that if you release him, he will disappear, and this will all be a dream. 

“I was afraid.”  

His words echo in the expanse of your mind.  

“Why were you afraid?” 

He brushes the hair out of your face tenderly and cradles your face with his palm. You press your face harder into his cool touch, your lips grazing his smooth skin.

He is home. 

“I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to give you the life you deserve,” his voice lowers to a whisper, “the love you deserve.”  

You scoff at him, “A life with you is all I wanted, Astarion.”  

Astarion tilts your head so that your eyes meet his searching crimson gaze. His face is relaxed, and you see no signs of that mask he sometimes wore.  

“Do you still want it? Me?”  

His lips ghost over yours, making your eyes flutter closed.  

“I could never stop loving you.” 

He clicks his tongue, “That’s not an answer.”  

“I’m afraid, Astarion.” 

“Of what?” 

“I’m afraid you will leave again when things get hard or uncomfortable. I won’t survive losing you twice.” you stare back at him with suffocating trepidation, “Perhaps we can be friends… for now.”  

You can almost taste the sorrow infecting his red eyes, but he smiles anyway, “Friends. Yes… yes, I can do that.” 

Thank you to all those who read/like/comment/follow/reblog/etc. I'm forever thankful for the support.

Chapters Master List - Shadows of the Past

AO3: Crossposted

If you're interested, I also write fanfic for Ascended Astarion x Spawn Tav - Fangs and Fractured Hearts

[traumaticemphaticfantastic]

“Mazzik” — 2024

This is yet another portrait in my series of drawing Jewish folk creatures, this piece as the name suggests is of what is sometimes called a “Mazzik” which is a word of Aramaic origin meaning something along the line of “Bringers of harm” which appears in the Talmud. In this case, a Mazzik is a name for a demon in Judaism, not the only word, there are a few words in Judaism that were used to describe demons or evil spirits like “Shed (sometimes ‘Sheyd’)” and “Ruah” in Eastern Europe according to the YIVO encyclopedia (Great read!).

Demons in Judaism are an interesting thing. I think it’s particularly interesting how, from what I can tell, demons are not considered something unnatural or in need of total extermination, but rather are treated as a natural part of the world we live in while just so happening to have an evil nature that makes them dangerous. They were created by G-d right at the tail end of creation (This is important so keep it in mind), unlike in Christian or Jewish Apocalyptic Writings (See: 1 Enoch) they aren’t plotting against G-d and, while containing three key similarities to angels, they’re not fallen angels, it’s almost like they’re a different species within the same divine genus of the angel or something. Another interesting fact is apparently Noah even gave them a space on the Ark. I sourced some of this from two Sefaria pages by the way, great reads with a lot of additional info! (Link one and link two). I almost interpret them like some kind of wild animal but on a different level of existence, you wouldn’t let a tiger into your house, you wouldn’t let a demon in either.

Also according to the YIVO encyclopedia and other sources demons could be fairly reasoned with when confronted by a Baal Shem, in one story I heard, demons are even fully taken to a Rabbinic Court and put on trial. Definitely not the showy theatrics of Christian demonology that’s for sure, not that that’s a bad thing.

Another thing to note about demons is that they are invisible, this is because G-d was going to make them tangible beings but never finished them after getting tired and resting on the seventh day of creation, and so demons remain unfinished, effectively souls without a body. But though they are invisible, they still have the ability to manifest into the forms of humans and animals, they do this to play tricks on Jews. There are supposedly ways of seeing the demons for yourself, according to one story (Which can be found in the previously linked Sefaria pages), one way of seeing the demons is to place fine ashes around your bed before you go to sleep, in the morning there will be chickens’ footprints in the ash, for one defining aspect of demons is that they have chicken feet.

According to the same story, another far more dangerous and complicated method involves rubbing the freshly cremated ashes of the afterbirth of a firstborn female black cat, born to another firstborn female black cat into your eyeballs, then you must place the ashes in in an iron tube and seal it with an iron seal. Though I must warn you that the story does say that Rav Beivai bar Abaye tried this once and “Was harmed” though he did see the demons and was okay in the end because his friends came together and prayed for him.

As you can probably tell, demons in Judaism are, let’s just say one of the more complex creatures in Jewish folklore, they seem to be quite intensely written about in Kabbalistic literature as they are taken quite seriously, I could go on and on but this post is already way too long, I implore you to check out the links I’ve provided here AND please do your own research if the sampler I’ve provided here has peaked your interest, there’s so much more to learn about these mischievous little fellows and it is so, so fascinating!

Anyways, that will be the art for today. I hope you’re all doing well, and if you aren’t I hope you are met with better days going forward.

[tsuutarr]

Pokémon Prom: Nemona

Pairing: Nemona x GN! Reader

Word count: 758

Content: fluff, prom

Summary: A part of my Pokémon Prom series where Pokémon characters ask you our to prom, this time featuring Nemona!

Nemona is on a hunt–prowling the halls of the Academy for her prey… “Aha!” she beams once she sees the familiar silhouette, before she rushes over to where you’re sitting in the library. “Hola!”

“Arceus!”

“Sorry,” Nemona sheepishly says, watching as you put a hand over your heart. “I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“But you did,” you huff with a smile. “But hey, Nemona. Need something?”

“A battle!”

“Of course.” Your lips quirk up into a smirk this time. “You’re not sick of battling me?”

“Never,” Nemona laughs, “Come on! Vamos!” She pulls at your arm and you let her, tucking the book you were reading under your other arm.

“I only have my starter with me, though. Is a one on one battle okay?”

“That’s fine,” Nemona agrees. “Ah… But who do I use? Decisions, decisions…”

“Decisions indeed,” you respond, “but I’m not gonna run away, y’know. You can let me go.”

“Hm?” Nemona looks down towards where her hand is clasped tightly on your wrist. “Ah, sorry! I forgot.” Despite her words, she’s still holding onto you. Arguing with Nemona is a losing battle, so you relent.

“All right, fine. Let’s go.”

Nemona beams. “Let’s!”

.

.

.

“Finish Pawmot off!” you command your starter, making your Pokemon unleash the finishing blow. Nemona’s Pawmot whines, before collapsing on its belly, forcing Nemona to withdraw her Pokemon.

“Ah, I was so close!” Nemona says with a grin. “I’ll win the next battle! Let’s battle again!”

“I only have my starter,” you repeat, “and I think we’re both pretty tired from that.”

“Aw, just one more?”

“You won’t be fighting us at our best, though,” you explain, “I doubt you’d want that.”

“That’s true,” Nemona huffs. “Right, you both deserve a break for that great battle! Sorry for getting ahead of myself–I forgot.”

You give her a smile, before patting her on the back. “No worries! I get it, battling is fun.”

“Isn’t it?!” Stars twinkle within her eyes. “We should battle again! Now!”

“Nemona,” you laugh.

“Oh, right…” Nemona’s bright smile turns sheepish, before her expression turns contemplative. “Wait… This won’t do.”

“Huh?”

“I forgot!”

“For… Forgot what?”

“See, I was going to request something from you if I won, but now that I’ve lost… Hm…” she looks thoughtful, before looking at you. “Okay, one more battle!”

“You can just tell me what you want. You don’t have to win for that!”

“But it’s more fun that way,” Nemona says, rolling a Pokeball in her hand. “And I have to ask you today!”

“Huh? Why?” Your eyebrows furrow. “If it’s that important, you can just ask me, honest!”

Nemona lips quirk down only temporarily, before she looks at you. “Ah, I don’t know why this is so hard–I’ve asked you battles so many times, yet it’s so hard to ask for this.”

“Uh, what exactly is ‘this?’” you ask.

She meets your inquiring gaze with an unreadable expression, before nodding to herself. “...All right, I guess I’ll just go for it.” She exclaims, making you flinch back slightly. She draws closer to you, the concept of personal space no longer in existence for her. “Did you know the Academy holds a dance every year after the Treasure Hunt to celebrate the students’ success?”

Your eyebrows rise. “Oh, that’s interesting.”

“Yeah!” Nemona’s grins, her freckles spreading across her warm cheeks. “And the dance is always fun. Music, good food, you name it!”

“It does sound great.”

“And it’ll be even better with one more thing.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Yes?”

“Good company.” Nemona smiles, her hands clasping together. “And I know just the person.”

“Oh?” you tease. “Would that person happen to be your rival?”

Nemona laughs brightly. “As expected of my rival–I knew you’d catch on.”

“You’re such a nerd, Nemona. You couldn’t ask me without a battle, huh?”

“Ah, can you blame me? Battling you is so much fun!”

You laugh. “I guess I can’t, no.”

“Then I’ll pick you up at six? We can walk to the ballroom together!”

“I never said yes, though?”

“Huh?” Nemona’s smile deflates, though she forces it to remain.

“I was joking!” you quickly amend, the expression on her face making you feel awful. “I’d love to go with you. Six works great!”

“Great!” Nemona cheers, her bright smile back. “Okay! I’m so pumped! I’m going to go find someone else to fight! Hasta luego!”

Before you can say anything, Nemona has already zipped away. You can only blink, before a small chuckle leaves your lips.

“Geez, that girl… See you later.”

[hunieday]

Yuki - Idol Star Prince Stage Rabbit Chat

Please note that I am not a professional translator and I'm only doing this to share the side materials to those who cannot access them, if you notice any mistakes please let me know nicely. Enjoy!

Yuki: momo

Yuki: please talk to me about anything

Momo: Yuki?! Thank you for your hard work!

Momo: 

Momo: I know you’re composing a song right now so are you stuck…？

Yuki: mhm

Yuki: I feel like im turning into an exhaustion stew

Momo: A Yuki stew, now that’s a new one?! I’d love stewed radish on my plate! 😋

Yuki: Then I’ll turn into a radish now. I’ll even add chili peppers free of charge

Momo: lololol

Momo: I only see you like this when you’re tired…are you okay? I can talk to you as much as you want, but is there anything else I could do for you?

Yuki: right now

Momo: Right now?

Yuki: dr

Momo: Dr?

Momo: Huh

Momo: Yukiiiii, are you okay?😭

Yuki: dri

Momo: Are you making me piece your quiz together one letter at a time?!

Momo: Driver?

Yuki: 

Momo: You fell asleep…was I wrong…

Yuki: you were right up until the v

Momo: lololol I was close

Momo: Wait, is your word “a drive”?!

Yuki: yeah, somehow i want to go on a drive with you rather than talk through rabbichat

Yuki: it’s about time your magazine shoot wrapped up

Momo: Ahhh!!! Right!!!!! That was the plan but…

Momo: We’re waiting to shoot the last images with the sunset in the background, but there are clouds obstructing it…

Yuki: the clouds are holding momo back….

Momo: 

Momo: I’m sorry to keep you waiting, it might be better to call it off for today…

Yuki: i’ll wait for you

Momo: huh

Yuki: i’ll wait for you. I don't think i’ll do anything if i just sit here in front of a computer screen

Momo: Yukiiiiiiii~~~~~~

Yuki: i know

Momo: I haven’t even said it yet!!!!! But the fact that you knew I was about to call you handsome makes you ultra handsome!!!!! >u<😍😆😍💚 

Momo: Haah… and I’m double nervous now because I was staring at a picture I took of you during your idol star costume fitting right before you messaged me 😍💚 

Yuki: hehe, you were staring at me?

Yuki: ah, I haven’t filled the idol star survey yet 

Momo: It must’ve been tough since you have so much on your plate, especially the composing stuff 😭😭

Yuki: What kind of questions did you get?

Momo: Mostly questions about princely stuff 🤔 “have you ever thought about being a prince?” something like that!

Yuki: never

Momo: Obviously! Yuki is already a handsome prince who takes me out on drives 🤴 ✨ 

Momo: There were also questions about whether I read adventure books where the prince fights to save the princess, especially as kids!

Yuki: i didn’t. we didn’t have books like that at home

Momo: I bet a dad like that wouldn’t buy those kinda books! 😆

Yuki: i knew such stories existed though. I thought it was weird to voluntarily go through to such lengths just to save a princess.

Yuki: why not leave it to a strong valiant knight. he has a better shot at succeeding anyways

Momo: That’s right!!!! lolol it would be meaningless to go help then get beat up and defeated 🤣

Momo: But the Yuki I know wouldn’t leave it up to some strong knight, he’d rush to the rescue himself 

Yuki: You think so?

Momo: For the juniors’ sake, you would greet the producers and tell them to “take care of those children”, then you strike a conversation with them during recordings! You’re so cool and dependable！

Momo: That’s the Yuki I know!

Yuki: thank you, Momo

Yuki: If you were the captured one and not the princess, I would definitely come running.

Yuki: So, if you don’t want to put me in danger, don’t keep secrets from me.

Momo: Yuki…

Momo: I’m sorry to interrupt this very heartfelt moment, but the sun is setting!! I’m gonna dash to wrap this up, so let’s talk about this in person!!!!!!!!!!

Momo: I’ll never do anything that would put you in danger, I promise, and I won't let you do anything reckless!!!!

Yuki: you better keep that promise

Yuki: I might not have a horse carriage or tea that’d suit a princess, but I’ll be waiting for you in my own car with momorin for you.

Momo: You are too good ✨ ‼️

Momo: Yuki, you’re the absolute best prince!

Momo: 

Yuki: