#let’s see if I have a job tomorrow!!!
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I’m trying so hard not to cry on the employee bus rn
#I’m so fucking done with my job#I left work early because I’m not feeling good#and all my coworkers are giving me the passive aggressive cold shoulder#when I told them I wasn’t feeling good (I’ve literally thrown up twice in the 45 minutes I’ve been at work)#they basically told me to fuck off and get back to work#so I just left without telling them#let’s see if I have a job tomorrow!!!#fuck I’m crying#I hate it here
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Otakon's AMV contest allowed VHS submissions, and I knew I just had to submit the collab I edited with @astravis this way.
I hope it's clear why!
youtube
(It uses a lot of actual VHS footage.)
And I loved putting AMVs on tape so much that I quickly ordered a bunch of blank tapes online to compile all of my anime music videos this way.
(Short reel of a few of them.)
And, like, it's definitely far from perfect. My computer doesn't have an HDMI port, so I have to use a converter for that, and it's horrible quality. While that does add to the VHS aesthetic, it also makes some of the subtitles nigh impossible to read (as especially evident in the "First Time" video above). My digitization process also isn't exactly ideal, either.
But popping in a VHS tape of my videos and seeing that on the TV? Absolutely amazing. There is no other way I want to physically compile my AMVs. 10/10. MarshmallowGoop/MarshmallowGoop.
Would like to improve my process someday, but if anyone else is curious about how to make VHS tapes out of videos on your computer, I mostly followed this guide here!
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#goop makes a (kinda) personal post#long post#eye strain#video#fancam friday!#in some places ^^;#been feeling a little aimless and unmotivated lately but found out i didn't lose my job today!#(wasn't *that* concerned about losing it because we're needed for compliance reasons but my department was maybe a little at risk for a bit#but that's definitely a huge relief#and one thing i have done semi-recently are these vhs tapes!#sadly 'poison tree' didn't make finals at otakon but will probably still be shown in one of the non-finalist blocks!#and the amv contest coordinator there let me know that if he got a vhs entry in 2024 that he'd be framing it 😳#so it was appreciated! even if it arrived late because i found out too late about the vhs allowance#hoping another one of my vids will be shown at anime messe babelsberg tonight/tomorrow too!#and the anime nyc amv contest coordinator wants to keep it a surprise so i won't say which videos made it#but *two* of my amvs made finals there!!#where there's also gonna be a screening of detco movie 25!#so absolutely things to look forward to :')#just wish there was more time in the day for all my ideas!#as always haha#anyway had a lot of fun with these tapes!#so neat to see 'poison tree' on a tape like the universe intended#Youtube
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reopening the ask box is like... just finishing vacuuming shed cat hair, and then immediately going and petting said cat vigorously & watching with delight as So Much Fur sheds right back onto the floor
#knocked it down from 96 asks to 53 lets gooooo#i was gonna keep it closed for much longer but like. that was past me's opinion when they were way more stressed than usual#current me misses Conversing with the Masses! or something like that!#is it a smart decision? probably not!#between packing & comms i dont have much time#but keeping it closed felt so wrong... i dont like keep out signs....#absolutely unprompted#i forgot how time-consuming and difficult packing is#im too out of practice....#ive got all my sketchbooks and notebooks and paper and comics boxed up#Except my wof collection. im waiting for book 15 to be shipped before i box em all up. gotta keep things Together#but yes anyway sorry the box is Open for whatever your little heart desires#which is.... bad timing bc im gonna be chronically Offline tomorrow and probably a decent chunk of the next day#now if yall will excuse me im going to Attempt To Write Fanfic.#we'll see if i manage more than one sentence#i am doing. so much usps research for this shit its hilarious#like yes! i will read reddit threads! watch yt 'day in the life' videos! job listings! etc!#but hey now i know about casing and relays/loops and dps and flats and the difference between city and rural-#its fun to learn new things for writing!#i will be taking Liberties anyway! but at least they'll be a conscious decision yk yk#and if i ever post i can say 'hey i know this is inaccurate But its for the sake of the fic. im doing it on purpose! not outta ignorance!'#also i feel so so bad for cca's like... the work 'ethic' is so fucking inhumane are they ok-
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leftover vibes from yesterday
#witch hat tag#orufrey#alcohol /#we have endless time (no we don't) can we kiss then. (not yet)#forgot i never posted the sinocia/ermile. ermicia.. i dk#no i was supposed to draw really happy carefree loveydoveyness before i go back to regular slow burn hours. What happened..maybe tomorrow#i had a bizarro qifrey-related dream on valentines day. i wrote some notes in my phone.. let's see what happened#'dreamt of future witch hat chapter. SANS UNDERTALE WAS THERE ???? i got a spoiler that Corrupted Qifrey was going to be a major boss battle#there was SO much more than that all going on. there was a flashback scene where qifrey was a stowaway on the titanic#where he did makeup for other stowaways that was his job there'#okay! thanks! that's something someone definitely had to dream. Literally why#there WAS more... i'm sure i had to fight Corrupted Qifrey. and i got a sword as an item drop from our struggle. it wasnt his water sword#it was like a cloud strife sword. Anyway#i had so many bizarro fe3h dreams this is what its like#*adds in a follow-up drawing later*
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I got a job as a bookseller!!!
#nat talks#listen. it's not the dream bc I've already worked in a bookstore and it's actually terrible at times#but I only really worked during holidays and people were just so rude#BUT I do have higher hopes for this location#also I tentatively know two people who work there so it will be fun!#it's a sub role and a little unclear if I'll only work during christmas and the book sale in feb or more#it depends on if the people who are on sick leave will return and when#but I can keep freelancing and apply for corporate jobs I want in the meantime#at the very least I can work during december either way and if I end up finding something else maybe I can work weekends during the booksal#so to not let them down too much#I honestly am just looking forward to getting out of the house and meeting people and working with my body more#because my mind is very fried#I have a short shift tomorrow to train#then I'll see when I'll officially start but it will probably be soon!#I've had a very busy few days so I wish I had said I could do my training shift next week#bc they gave the option of this wednesday or next#but I didn't want to turn it into a “thing” by letting too much time pass bc I might get anxious about it#but now I wish I had lmao I'm tired#also forgot I was gonna be home alone with the dog tomorrow#had been looking forward to it tbh#oh wellll#work stuff
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me agreeing to go into work on my day off to assist with a spay: what a great learning experience and an opportunity to show my boss im willing to put in the extra effort because I love surgery
me right now at midnight knowing I have to get up in 6 hours on my day off: why did I sign myself up for this when I could’ve been sleeping in and enjoying my day off after an intense week so far????
#me repeating to myself: I love my job I love my job I love my job#of course I am excited to get to be in the OR tomorrow helping with the big dog spay#but oh boy have the last few days been intense#last week I was seeing like 3-5 patients a day#this week I’ve been seeing 8-9 patients per day#which has been a massive shift in workload and stress and anxiety#don’t get me wrong I’m loving every day and enjoying learning and being a doctor#and I’ve loved my patients and meeting clients and people have being saying such nice things about me#but oh boy. I need a day off to reset and relax#begging crying screaming for the weekend to just let my poor brain melt into a puddle#dr sexy’s veterinarian journey#baz’s babbling
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fucking hell.
#this is honestly the best kind of problem to have#but i got a job offer at PEARL HARBOR#and i have to give them my decision tomorrow#the question is if i want to uproot my entire life for the second time in six months#and can i AFFORD to#i want to work at pearl harbor so so bad#let me do exhibit design for a park that sees 1.8 MILLION VISITORS A YEAR#who are there for the HISTORY#b u t#i don't wanna move to hawaii LOL#i recoil from the logistics#literally just moved from west virginia to UTAH in september#do i want to move from utah to HAWAII for a four-year position#and sell off everything that can't fit in two suitcases
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yk when you "I deserve it" a little too much as a way of cheering yourself up then you check your bank acc and go "I infact did not deserve this and now I feel alot worse"???
but now I have a pretty lip gloss I'm never gonna use coming tomorrow so that's a plus
and sleeping pills which are practical so technically doesn't count
and 2 new study notebooks even though I'm not finished my ones from last year but I convinced myself if I have new pretty shiny notebooks I'll be more likely to want to study (it has yet to work but we'll see)
#is this girlhood#am i girling a little too close to the sun#i have a job interview tomorrow so lets hope it gets well because my bank acc is retching rn#coughing and spluttering#dust bunnies#its for greggs and i love greggs so what better than to make money there and then come back and spend it all on sausage rolls & hash browns?#girl hood#btw the lip gloss is a dupe btw someone said was good#if anyones curios (probably not)#its the elf lip oil in the shade jam session if anyone else wants to follow in my bad decisions#its supposedly a good dupe for the black honey lip oil by clinique so lets see if its good#ill keep you updated
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#just need to vent rq lololol#my wedding lehenga came out so freaking beautiful#but it needs to be taken in a lot like. i lost 6 inches on my waist since i initially had it made for my body#and everyone at the shop was like ohh wow good job great you look so great now you look awesome#and my mom was like oh wow good job that’s good you did it#like lol#i wanted to just be like#‘thanks i had to go to iop therapy at an ed center where they literlaly taught me how to eat food. like a toddler. thanks’#like i didn’t lose weight for an intentional reason but thanks for confirming you thought i looked horrible before lolol#idk i have been like every size in the book but seeing how much better ppl treat me when im smaller#i’m just like. :)#if my mom says anything about her body or mine tomorrow i will probably fucking lose it and if you see a woman in nj killing ppl on the news#it’s me. lol#it just really took me out of the experience bc i’m trying sooooo hard to be neutral about my body. and like. i don’t need to hear your#thoughts abt what i look like lmao#whatever my dress is beautiful and i’m so beautiful and i’m excited but i really do think i should be able to hunt ppl for sport#leave me alone#nothing you do can please ppl#when i was 20 and 100 lbs and killing myself and sick and miserable every single day my mom was also just like#wow you look great#meanwhile i was balding and fainting at the gym and failing my college classes bc i was obsessed w my body#text#also look at these cats that are just in luis’s apartment’s hallway like rofl who let them out of their apt!!!! so cute#my mom saying ‘you did it’ as if i was trying to do something made me lol#i wasn’t TRYING to do anything i just am healing my relationship w food and my body#bc i refuse to waste my entire life being bitter and miserable and ashamed of existing#like SOMEONE i know….#anyway this could be you too! if you went to fucking therapy!#i ate ny pizza out of spite after all of this#sorry some of you can’t enjoy a fucking carb !!!!!
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#.... i messaged him HDJXJDJDJDJDJXX#we talked for a bit... he's so cute..... n funny. i just !!!!!!!! GAH !!!!!!!!!!!! i like him so much. just sooooo much#im also at 3 job applications now so lets GOOOOOO#gonna continue the search tomorrow but i might go out idk. i havent left my house since sunday so im goin a lil nuts ngl#i have plans tuesday but like djjdjdjdjdjd that might be too long of a wait... hhhhh we'll see#personal
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I have decided that this upcoming week and a half are going to be extremely not "banana bread at work dude hell yeah"
#between 3 exams accounting for 50% of my grade in my class#returning not only to work after 10 days off but returning to see the manager who caused my mind to fully mentally break#and now also the 3rd thing#I'm just spent and i dunno how I'm gonna keep moving#i picked up a second job in a funeral home too#have to go shopping for clothes after work tomorrow but it can't be too late cuz i have to come home to let the dog out#i have to do the same quickly on tuesday after work before rushing back in the direction of work#where my school is#so i maybe get... an hour of time to cram before exam#i need to order propane#i need to fix my car#i need to take care of my lawn and house#i need to grocery shop#typing it all out helps#i think I'm gonna grocery shop today#though the thought of food makes me feel really sick right now#whatever I'll feel fine by like friday probably
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job interview tomorrow?!?!!!
#on the one hand i am literally happy at my current job and did not plan on going anywhere yet#on the other hand it's a very exciting sounding opportunity! so like! hopefully it still sounds cool when we talk tomorrow!#obvi i don't know their applicant pool situation but i think i'm competitive#it's a bit surreal to consider the case if all goes well#i kind of don't want to leave my team now. but like. it's too good an opportunity not to throw my hat in the ring!#already having a job i like is a wonder for nerves though. i truly will be fine no matter what#so as i keep telling people: we'll just see what happens!#anyway i've been doing a little prep and just had to let out some of the extra energy before bed
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feels weird to not have much to post, i feel like i basically disappeared off social media compared to how i used to post but. there is simultaneously so much going on (things that are boring/heavy and not fun to post about) and nothing at all going on (i have not been able to play anything very much and havent been watching anything besides random documentaries i stumble across), leading to me having nothing to say lmao
i did finally write down a bunch of hypixel worldbuilding headcanon junk instead of having it only be word-of-mouth between me and ark lol. only 1700 words, i can do better 👍 it was literally only about admin magic, what exactly it means to "hack," what a server is, and limbo kjgfhk. i might make a big post about the limbo section one day :]
#things that arent worth having their own post bc it's boring normal life stuff#I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!! i've only worked one day but i had a lot of fun#and i like my coworkers. im scared of tomorrow tho bc my manager who has been guiding me around isnt gonna be there#so second day in and im already on my own DFGHKJG it'll be fine.........#also I GOT MY DESK ORDERED LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO. SOON I WILL BE BACK ON THE GRIND I WANNA PLAY SKYBLOCK SO BAD#i've only been able to play on weekends or at ark's ;-; pain and suffering i need somewhere to sit#also fun fact. remember how the house was full of mold. well there was ALSO a gas leak for the past couple weeks#my existence is a miracle#im blaming all past behaviors on this. im normal now dont worry 👍👍👍#i think i already mentioned this but my snes power cable is missing and i need a new one Pain And Suffering#on the brighter side of my old games. i found by gbc! AND THE BATTERIES STILL WORK SOMEHOW LMAO#i can finally do a miserable gen 2 shiny hunt yippeeeeee#trying to find my gameboy copy of tetris attack but i dont see it anywhere 😔#uhhhh yeah that's about it i guess. been busy with sorting out work stuff and money problems and Everything Else#currently taking care of health stuff i havent done in years. time for dentist today wahoo#gonna try to get an eye exam soon. it's been like. a decade-#im not sure my vision is still 20/20 im having trouble reading some things digitally#billboards are fine. electronic ones are not those are just smudges#i dont know enough about eyes to know what that could be#chat
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Worked on pictures for about 8 hours straight, stopping a few times for crying breaks, but it's done. I made the slideshow and sorted it real nice. The sorting was half the time by itself. But I think I did a good job.
Also emailed my advisor. Look at me go.
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess. since i mentioned the crying.#ive been dissociating majority of the past week in that ive just not been feeling my emotions#oftentimes purposefully. a few times Very purposefully.#but sorting through the pictures like that. creating an entire timeline of my father from youth to recent#seeing him grow older (but not old enough)#it made me think of the full life he lived before now. so many experiences and so much joy#and then his death. sudden. clumsy. meaningless.#a man can live a full life with so much love#then one day. without any warning. he dies.#i think it was his girlfriend who mentioned us possibly being in shock. and i think she might be right.#such a sudden upheaval. and ive barely gotten the chance to process it#because theres so much to do so im kept plenty busy#but the times the veil lifts and i feel my emotions my heart hurts so much it feels like it's wrenching.#it's an awful feeling. so ive neen depending on the separation from my emotions to get me through.#it's done a marvelous job so far. but today. tomorrow. and especially saturday. i dont exactly have that option anymore.#i dont know what the next few days are gonna bring me#tbh i just want it to be over.#if im not gonna wake up from the nightmare of my dad being dead. then at least let it rest so it doesnt hurt so bad.
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My cat was limping when I woke up this morning and won’t put any weight on her leg and i’m kinda panicking now. I want to take her in because I don’t want her to be in pain but I really can’t afford a vet visit right now so i’ll probably have to ask my parents or brother for help and I really don’t want to. Also, what if it’s just a sprain and I take her in and they do all the x-rays and stuff and I have to pay for it but didn’t actually need it
#sorry this is just a personal rant#vets are so expensive and i know that when my brothers dog broke her leg it was about $4000 and i definitely don’t have that bc i’ve been#e employed for the last yr trying to get a job and my savings are basically gone#also it could be broken dislocated sprained or fractured? maybe even just a little cut or something but she has never been one to let people#touch her legs and stuff so i can’t check#i feel so bad bc she is just laying in a corner#anyways i think i’ll wait till tomorrow morning at least and see how she’s doing#personal
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alcohol tasted AWFUL to me the first 21.5 years of my life and then this past christmas break sth clikced and now suddenly.... i like it. and I'm enjoying that i like it and NOW am enjoying drunkenness almost every evening (im much less of a lightweofht than i look but much more of one than i like to think) and im wondering if maybe i shld be ..... concerned.
#this is me off a bottle of mikes hard lemonade (5%) and a few sips of barefoot moscato (9%)#'more of a lightweight than i look but more of one thab i like to think i am' is .... VERY generous lmfaoooo#anyways. in the past i wouldnt drink except socially & to get drunk but i couldnt stand the taste so id just shoot everything#but some family members are more Alcohol Connoisseurs and sth clicked christmas and im like Damn ......#also walmart has this cheese filled garlic breadsticks. Cole's breadsticks. AMAZING with wine amazing stuff#anyways all that to say i get drunk like thrre nights in a row and may be sorta scaring myself telling myself im on the#Alcoholic Slippery Slope but also .... alcoholism = slippery slope#i dont get drunk schoolnights tho/nights i gotta be up early in the morning and i have a l8 start tmrw so i can afford to have#a little few sippies which go a long way#but yea. ig if this continues too much & interferes with school or work itll be a problem but im sorta just psyching myself out rn#i can have a good evening without alcohol but being a young adult living alone paying most of ur own bills and then getting drunk 3 nights#in a row bc u CAN is ..... scary ghe first time u do it ig#hm i shld tag this#alcoholism //#addiction //#also those breadsticks + wine + PHILOMENA CUNK. great evening to unwind. i DO recommend to all.#also i gotta keep searching cuz i lost a very beautiful & expensive ring today its gold & sapphire i got it 4 mysel#but im letting the boy from work who j love who i got him a job bc i love him think its an engagement ring bc im OVER HIM#but yea i lost it todah & am kicking myself because its VERY beautiful >:-((((#fuck da police but im gna see campus pd tomorrow. ive filed claims w a bunch of offices on campus so PD is the last stop + they may be able#to pull up footage bc its likely someone stole it. :///#n e wayz#back 2 cunk on britain
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