#let us hope that more people discover this gem of an anime soon

[mx-giraffe]

I smell a content-starved World Trigger fan, whoever just went through and liked all my World Trigger posts. Me too, buddy, me too 🥲🫶

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

How to Ask Steven stuff.

Because apparently we need a tutorial.

Okay guys. I know I encourage you to send me asks and then somehow don’t reply to any of your lovingly-crafted little gifts of joy and 280 characters. I ask for questions for Steven and then never touch them when they arrive. 

And so it stands to reason that we may need to explain WHY and HOW I choose the asks I answer. 

It turns out I DON’T just answer every question willy nilly, and I DON’T just answer the ones who yell the loudest, beg the most, and send me the most asks. In fact, all those things just make it more likely to delete your message! (Sorry guys, but if you wrote ‘plz reply!!!!’ into any message you sent me, there’s a 99% chance I deleted it immediately.)

Anyway, to remedy this breakdown in communication, I’ve decided to do a quick writeup of how I select asks - and which asks I delete on sight and why. 

Keep in mind that this is not an exhaustive list. 

Let’s get right into it:

[Text: Reason #1: Future Vision. Ask reads: “Steven!! Listen to me! You’re not a full gem! You’re White Diamond’s don! Pearl killed Pink! Rose Quartz isn’t who she says she is!!!” - REJECTED.]

Guilty of - trying to be a sapphire and using future vision to spoil plot points FOR THE CHARACTERS. 

I will not reply to these asks. Full stop. The ONLY time I did was back in season 1 where someone told Steven he’s magical.

Reason: It takes away Steven’s ability to discover things on his own, and makes even less sense in the meta. WHY would a person sending him asks know more about it than he, himself does?

[Text: Reason #2: Choose Your Own Adventure Gaming. Ask reads: “Steven, you should go up to the lighthouse on top of the temple. Then knock on the door. Then talk to Ronaldo. Then ask him about Sneeple. Then...” - REJECTED]

Guilty of - trying to control Steven like a character in a videogame or an RPG.

These asks get a delete 90% of the time because 90% of the time they don’t move the story forward. They’re just the asker trying to grab control of the story to move it in the direction THEY personally want it to go. The solution here is to make your own story. 

Even asks that have one thing are on thin ice. If you sent me a message that starts with ‘Steven, you should ___’ then there’s a 50% chance it will not be answered.

Reason: It says ‘ASK’, not  ‘TELL’ and not ‘ORDER’. 

[Text: Reason #3: Sex/Violence. Ask is censored with a mosaic. REJECTED. ]

Guilty of: Not reading the room.

We get it. You’re edgy. You Grew Up. You know about Big Adult Stuff. It’s Exciting for you because it’s new and makes you realize for the first time that you’re a bag of meat. You’re trying to wipe the feeling off by inflicting it on other people and hope it makes them feel the same way because you can’t handle thoughts going through it alone. The idea of thinking something and NOT immediately sharing it is alien to you. You have no self control. 

Reason: There’s a time and place for everything. This is not that time, and not that place. 

[Text: Reason #4: Too Soon. Ask: “Hey Steven, I just wanted to ask about how Earl feels about Rose now that she knows Rose shattered Pink Diamond!” ON HOLD.]

Guilty of: Jumping the gun and asking about a plot turn that has not yet taken place in the comic. 

These asks are actually fine! :)

But I am unlikely to answer them anytime soon. The most likely outcome is that I save them to my Big Ol’ Pile of Asks and answer them... someday. When they finally become applicable. 

[Text: Reason #5: Misc. Ask 1: “Hey can you draw me my OC he has spiky hair and anime eyes and big boots and his...” Ask 2: “can steven skateboard? also i love your work :)” Ask 3: “When is the next comic coming oooout? Last week you posted 36 panels and this week you ONLY posted 34!!! >:( Why are you so lazy?!”]

I think most of these are a little self-explanitory.

I will generally delete asks that:

- beg for artwork, especially for free

- ignore the FAQ

- ask ME questions instead of asking Steven, or combine them (sorry guys... I wanna answer, but if I can’t tell which one of us you’re talking to, I can’t use the ask!)

- Demand that I work MORE or that I’m somehow not satisfying your intense need for free-to-read content at the desired pace, because the world is your oyster and you NEED. THAT. PONY!!!! 

... I want to mention one LAST reason that I may be ‘ignoring’ your ask. 

And that is to say, I’m not ignoring you at aLL and instead I’m just holding the ask quietly and sobbing because you’ve absolutely made my day with your kind words and I can’t find it in me to release the ask into the wild. 

(I love you all, I promise I read your ask!! I’m just very bad at answering! I’m so sorry!!!!)

And just to finish off, to put your minds to rest I will also say this:

I WILL NEVER DELETE ASKS FOR ONLY THIS REASON: 

- Your English isn’t “good enough”

I am an immigrant. I also had to learn English. Trust me, a few mistakes here and there are FINE! Don’t worry about spelling or grammar! If I understand you, we’re good. 

Thank you for reading! I hope this was somewhat helpful.

Okay but seriously, PLEASE read the FAQ.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “I Have Seen.”

Wrote something easy and more similar to my original stories today. I hope you like it. 

I have been thinking about taking a couple days off from writing these stories, since I have been working non stop on this and the book for over a year now, so I am considering taking a break for about a week so I don’t burn out. I haven’t decided yet, so we shall see, but I hope you all have a great day.

I have a job no one knows about.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised if they heard about my job. I don’t even think they would care all that much.

None of this explains why my work station is in the basement of a nondescript government bunker on a death planet…. A!36. I can’t explain why I need three codes to get into my office, or why I go through five locked doors, or why I am not allowed to tell anyone what I do on pain of termination and imprisonment. 

You would assume, perhaps that I am a spy, and involved in some covert cloak and dagger espionage against other species and nations: you would be wrong.

You might assume I am a weapons developer, but you would also be wrong.

Perhaps you think I spend my time wire-tapping on important calls between species and recording important information.

None of this is really the case.

In fact, what I do is quite safe and relatively simple, plenty of other non-humans are doing it of their own accord and plenty more humans do it on a regular basis. What I do is not illegal, it is not espionage, it wouldn’t even phase you.

If that is the case.

Why do so many of my coworkers go missing?

Why are there absent desks every few months?

Why can I not make any lasting friends?

Management always give excuses to those of us who are left.

They left for mental health reasons.

THey moved on to a different job.

They are moving up in the company.

They had to be let go.

All things generic and all things that wouldn’t generally raise suspicion… unless they happen so frequently as us.

You may be wondering at this point, what it is I do for a job.

Perhaps, you think, it is very boring and unfulfilling that I would go insane from sheer boredom.

No, I actually find my job quite interesting.

Perhaps you think my job forces me to watch very disturbing and violent things…. And I suppose that could be close to the truth, though no one forces us to watch the videos if we don’t want, and no one makes us read the material if we cannot handle it. In fact, there are those of us who specialize in that sort of thing.

I do.

I am a specialist in historical xenopsychology.

I study human history.

When I say that I study human history, I do not mean as in a passing fancy. I do not simply read their school children’s textbooks and accept everything I see as truth, no, every day , I come into work and it is my job, to learn about everything that has ever happened in human history, to the best of my ability.

It is my job to know the good, the bad, the ugly, and the monstrous.

I work from day to night, cataloguing and filling my brain with all the information I can before recording it as a lecture on aura drives, which are then stored away for future use in a deep backup system under the surface of this planet.

I have followed human history since the beginning of time.

And I have marveled at it.

Much of my research is flawed, I know. Human history has always been biased, history being shaped and molded by the winners of conflict. Much of what else I know stems primarily from scholarly work humans have done on their own species, looking back the centuries and making assumptions about what they were doing.

While this is a good insite -- humans trying to explain the behavior of other humans-- it isn’t necessarily correct.

For this reason, it is my job to study every piece of information that comes across my desk.

Due to a government agreement between the galactic assembly and the United Nations of Earth, I was given access to the rebuilt library of Alexandria and all of its electronic files which include photos and information on the original documents that they keep in sealed vaults below the library.

I have read every account of human history, and every second hand interpretation of human history that I could possibly find in my time working here.

I have read Darwin and his early theory regarding evolution. I have examined his evidence, which include images and diagrams of the human body spanning centuries. My determinations were made just the same as the rest of them. Humanity was a tree-living species that found its evolutionary niche through walking and the use of opposable thumbs.

This ability to walk, in tandem with the use of hands eventually gave rise to the slow swelling of the brain in comparison to other animals. Human evolved primitive tools, and even more primitive religions, societies and rules.

They developed art early on, painting on the walls of their caves, in the darkness of night surrounded by their fires.

I have read about their befriending of animals in that same darkness. Man’s slow molding of the wolf into the dog - a species designed specifically for the needs of man.

I have attempted to read every account of every atrocity ever inflicted on humanity.

I have read of wars, and battles, Marathon, Thermopylae, Kadesh, D-day, Vietnam, Korea, Russo-Japanese, World wars I, II, III,  and IV and the Panasian War. 

I have witnessed in images and first hand accounts the chilling discoveries of natural disasters gone back thousands of years. Pompeii, Mt. St Helens, Katrina, Tsunamis, earthquakes, the fire of london, 1887 yellow river flood, the 3130 California earthquake, and Haiti earthquakes. 

And I have studied and witnessed every atrocity man has ever committed on its own people. The Mongol hordes, the crusades, Mayan and Aztec sacrifices, The Armenian genocide, the Holocaust, mustard gas, 9/11, slavery in the America, the Trail of Tears, The Bataan Death March, the Berlin wall, Civil war, the French revolution, Nanjing, Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

I tore a hole in humanity and looked inside to see your rot. 

I study the maggots that crawl under your skin.

Don’t confuse me with someone who fears you, or is even disgusted by you. You have committed thousands of horrors, yes this is true. But humanity is not a polished gem, it is an uncut stone marred by dirt and debris, but beautiful in a way that can hardly be explained.

You scrub away the rot only to find more underneath, yet you continue to scrub, in a futile attempt to better yourselves.

It is a beautiful thing if not in vain.

I do not judge you for your crimes because I have also seen your achievements. I watched you survive  the dark ages, I learned your philosophy from the greek world which brought the beauty of democracy and equity in later forms. I watched the enlightenment of the Renaissance, and have seen your beautiful artwork from each period of time. 

I have witnessed your great nations and empires rise and fall, Assyria, Byzantine, Rome, Britain, Egypt, Mongole, Aztek, Soviet Union, The chinese Dynasties and the Communist parties. The United States, and the Asian Co-Prosperity Collective

I have seen your bravery and your loss.

I have learned about the good that walks your earth.

Humans who stood up to tyrants.

I have even examined your stories of creation, of deities who molded humans from clay or dust, watched your world come into form in seven days, or ride on the backs of giant animals. I have seen the gods gift you with fire and learned the teaching of your martyrs over the centuries. Men and women slain and stoned or pulled away by spirits. I have learned of crucifixion, death and rebirth as well as reincarnation and a return to the very fabric of the universe itself.

I see everything.

I see everything. I see it all in my dreams laid out before me like a tapestry following each woven thread through the ages. I thought if I looked back, I could know as much as I possibly could. If I dug deep enough, I would be able to see your secrets.

And I have discovered you.

I see you hiding in there.

I know what you are.

Come out, come out.

And I won’t stop until it is all over and your cities crumbled into dust and bone.

…

…

I am being called into my manager’s office. Perhaps I too am ready to go up in the company.

...

I will be back soon…

Deus 

[almightyrayzilla]

OPALESCENCE

On a South Pacific Island, a group of five "archaeologists" were exploring a large, underground cavern, much to the chagrin of the locals.

They were warned of a deadly curse that would bring great pain and suffering; in their native tongue, they called it "Barugon". No one - especially any outsider - was allowed in the Valley of the Rainbows. And that's exactly where this cave was. And, as is the rhetoric of many cautionary tales, no one ever should have set foot there.

The team thought maybe the curse the natives spoke of was a warning about the extremely toxic scorpions that resided there, whose venom could kill in agonizing minutes. Or maybe there were discarded munitions littered about when the island saw action during World War II. Or maybe it was all hullabaloo to deter treasure hunters from plundering any riches stored there.

The head of the expedition, a Japanese man known only as Onodera, knew the scorpions were no joke. And given he was stationed here during the war, he was certainly cautious of any hazards that may have been left behind. But most assuredly, he knew there was treasure here - an opal, bigger than his fist. He had gotten separated from his unit when a nasty storm had struck and happened upon the cave, where he had found the opal. Stranded for a couple days, he had time to think, seeing it best to leave the gem behind, for he would not risk it being confiscated...or possible have equally greedy eyes compete for its possession. So he placed it in a small box and buried it in a spot that he would find upon his return, should he gather the proper funding.

And sure enough, there was the box containing the opal, right where he had left it.

After the team was dazzled by its vibrancy, Onodera had it snugly placed into a sturdier container. Taking hold of it, he bolted out of the chamber. That is when the explosives he had smuggled with him and planted when no one was looking detonated. The less number of people to return, the less the money the rock could fetch would be divided.

As he confined himself to his bunk on the ship, Onodera eyed his prize. He was somewhat perplexed by how unusually cold the opal felt. He shone a UV lamp onto it, and the gem glowed a dazzling iridescence, almost as if it were being brought to life! This little tidbit might sway the investor to pay even more, he thought.

The sound of approaching footsteps startled him, so he slipped the opal under a blanket. It was only a crew mate on his break, hoping for an extra hand in Mahjong before the ship reached port in Kobe. A bit reluctant at first, Onodera felt he could use a little bit of fun. After all, he was about to be set for life, so what does he have to worry for?

However, he had forgotten to turn off the UV lamp. Even from under the blanket, the opal glowed...then began to burn through the fabric...then crack apart...

The ship had barely been docked when a sudden explosion engulfed it. Then it was...covered in ice...?

Of those who made it off the ship, Onodera was one of them. He so happened to meet with his investor, who was in no mood to pay for merchandise that wasn't present. Before he could explain how he had left the opal on the ship, something stirred in the harbor, moving toward shore. From the churning tide arose a gigantic chameleon-like creature. Smashing the dockside warehouses and refueling tanks for ships, the ensuing fires dazzled the scales of the creature. Try as he must, Onodera could not deny the monster's scales looked a lot like the iridescent shimmer of the opal.

That was the last thought the cross his mind as the beast's foot trampled him and buried him in the rubble.

As Barugon advanced toward Osaka, exhaling a mist that froze all it touched, the JSDF was doing all they could to repel the beast. Close range attacks could do little against the sub-zero vapors. Having enough of the irritating shells pelting it, the monsters spines began to glow, then a rainbow-like beam poured from its back, burning, melting, and disintegrating all it touched.

It was then that a strange swirl appeared, streaking across the sky...then descended toward the creature. It was GAMERA! Barugon fired its beam again, but it had no effect on the giant turtle's sleek carapace. Barugon lashed its tongue out, grabbing Gamera by the arm and pulled him in. Gamera winced as the monster bit down. He wrestled the chameleon loose, then retaliated by blasting a powerful fireball from his mouth! Striking hard, Barugon shrieked in pain as the blast had left a laceration on its side.

Barugon angrily puffed up and belched its icy vapor. Gamera held up his arm to block it, but there wasn't much he could do. The ice that gathered on him began to render him immobile. With one final gust, Barugon froze Gamera where he stood.

Osaka lay ominously quiet in its spontaneous winter, as Barugon scuttled to the outskirts of the city to allow its wound to heal. Rain had begun to fall, and it was noted the monster seemed to be in agony, scrambling for any cover it could find before furiously digging out a small den in a hillside.

Scientists who had hoped to collect samples of Barugon's blood were astonished to discover a possible ace up the sleeve. This was why it was agitated by the rain - direct contact with fresh water caused the blood to turn corrosive! If it could bore a few feet into solid pavement, imagine what the cocktail was doing to the creature's insides. It was also noted that some buildings struck by the rainbow beam, particularly ones with large, shiny windows, seemingly had little or no damage. The hunch was confirmed when vehicles, found burned to a crisp, were left with their rearview mirrors unscathed. The beam could be reflected!

As tiresome as it was, a series of large mirrors were erected during the downpour. The timing of its completion couldn't be better, for as soon as the storm exhausted its last drops, Barugon emerged, its wound healed.

Crawling into the designated target area, the JSDF fired upon it in hopes of goading the lizard into shining its rainbow at the mirrors. The plan was working - the beam struck and bounced right back into Barugon. The creatures shiny scales were stained with its blood, already beginning its volatile reaction as firetrucks doused the monster in water. Furiously, its tail uncoiled and swatted away the trucks. Despite its agonizing howls, it was not mortally wounded. It was a much wiser creature, unfortunately, as it had no intention of using its rainbow beam again. All anyone could do was watch in despair as Barugon trundled away, unopposed.

Meanwhile, Gamera, thought to have been frozen to death, stirred to life! Breaking the ice that gathered across his body, he retracted his hind legs, fired his thrusters and took off, heading toward Barugon. When he got there, he immediately pulled in his arms and head, ramming forcefully into Barugon, flinging it to a nearby lake. Barugon knew how deadly the body of water would be with its open wounds.

Gamera landed in front to impede its escape. Once again, Barugon unleashed its tongue and snared him by the neck this time, yanking him to the ground on all fours. Though slightly fazed, and with Barugon's tongue still gripping him, Gamera took hold of the tongue with his hand and began to pull...towards the lake.

Barugon was filled with panic. With a hesitant but sharp bite, its teeth sliced into the elastic flesh of its tongue, severing it. Both monsters reeled in opposite directions. Barugon tried to shake off its pain, but before it could do anything, Gamera's head lunged out, his jaws clamping down on Barugon's neck.

Barugon tried clawing at him, but Gamera's thick scutes wouldn't allow any kind of devastating strike. It tried to freeze him with its breath, but it was unable to point itself at him. It tried to grab anything with its unfurled tail, but nothing was strong enough for it to anchor itself. Barugon could only flail, but it was futile. True to his turtle-like form, Gamera was not letting go. Finally, both monsters submerged beneath the lake.

Barugon's blood seemingly boiled the water as the creature began to dissolve. After a long silence, the lake suddenly caught fire in an opalescent array of color, as the cocktail of Barugon's hydrated blood ignited. Gamera rose up and gradually began nourishing himself on the flames, down to the last spark. With Barugon vanquished, Gamera looked toward the spectating defense force...but none felt he had any intention to attack. With a roar of triumph, he tucked himself into his shell and spun away into the sky.

Did Gamera only fight Barugon the way a predator seeks prey? Animals disputing territory? Or could it be...

As time passed, word had reached the village in the South Pacific that Barugon was destroyed by Gamera. The people no longer lived in fear of the curse, knowing that if another should appear, Gamera would be there to stop it. The sole survivor of Onodera's betrayal chose to live out the rest of his days on that island, to start his life anew. While his curiosity did pull at him once in a while, the more he realized the Valley was not for humans to capitalize. Who knows what other "curses" could be out there, waiting to be unleashed by someone's greed?

He couldn't answer that definitively, but any fears over such things he had were quashed, ever since he came into possession of that comma-shaped bead out there in the Valley of the Rainbows.

[the-order-of-fools]

Stage Enemies interacting with the Knightfucker (AKA reader)

.

King Knight, of course, has his goldarmors. They were meant to serve King Pridemoor, but since a fool is now running the kingdom, they have to adapt. They're all tired and just doing their jobs in order to support themselves and their families, but the shit they have to put up with is incredible. The whiny little manchild king changes his mind over and over again when it comes to banquets, festivities and everything alike, and then has the royal audacity to criticize them instead. Due to the circumstances, some of them have resorted to becoming bootlickers, it's the only way they can survive. Though, bootlickers or not, they all agree on one thing: You're far better than their king.They were shocked when you complimented them for the first time. They thought King Knight could only get with someone as annoying and unpleasant as him, but luckily for them you're the loveliest person to have around. And you care about their feelings, damn. Finally, someone who has the sobriety of a responsible adult. Finally, someone who actually respects them and praises their efforts. They're pooling all their efforts into convincing King Knight to marry you. They don't want you to leave, please, stay with them. 

Polar Knight isn't known for being the warmest out of the Order. He lets the ice creatures do their thing, he welcomes the Spinwolves with gentle pats and watches them roam and play around the desolate, frozen lands that surround the Stranded Ship, when they're not busy fighting off nosy intruders. He doesn't do much else. He's caring towards them, but they always find themselves craving more - the harsh climate and lonely scenery must weigh on them as well. All of this, until you found your way into that forsaken place and, most importantly, into the heart of its lord. Now, the wolves keep running towards you for their daily dose of pats and belly rubs and someone to play with them in the snow. You're the perfect source of warmth for such a cold place like the Stranded Ship - and now that you're here, it seems like Polar has become a little bit warmer as well. A win-win for everyone.

Tinker Knight has three types of companions: Cogslotters, electrodents and you. His workers appreciate him quite a bit. He's truly a hardworker who puts a lot of effort and creativity into his gadgets, not to mention his giant robot. He's just and fair with them, praising those whose work he admires most. All of those who have worked for him have mostly pleasant occasions to recount. Even if he may be the shortest thing alive, he is still their number one dad. Your appearance startled them a little. Work is work, but you? How could they not raise a brow and whisper among themselves when they figured out that you and Tinker were more than friends. Debates took place, investigations were ran to see if you were truly who you pretended to be. As all the results came clear, they more or less stared at you aghast, suddenly realizing that their boss fucks. The electrodents cannot think or feel, they only move around, oblivious to the fact that their creator is fucking in the same room as them.

The Gulper Mages weren't so keen on accepting a stranger on the Iron Whale the first time they saw you. They're greedy things just like their captain, they don't want anyone to come and try steal their gold. The fish? They don't care, they simply swim around peacefully as long as they don't perceive any foul presence - and they seem to have a sixth sense for that. Still, the normally attentive Serprizes seemed not to be bothered by you, which caused great confusion among the Mages who largely relied on them to spot enemies. With time, even the most distrustful among Treasure Knight's ranks learned that you weren't someone to worry about - you were never interested in the Iron Whale's gold, but its captain. Soon, they came to know you better and realized how much of a pleasant presence you could be. Grapps came out of their dens just to look at you with their big round eyes and earn a good pat, Serprizes and Martars swam around you peacefully as you stretched out your hands to caress them as they crossed your path. Even Treasure Knight seemed more... peaceful around you, if not happy. The only thing that could make him happy was gold, and once the Mages saw that in him, they understood you valued just as much, they couldn't help but accept you with all the rightful honors - and no one had anything to object for.

The Flying machine is organized in the exact purpose of making the life of all intruders completely miserable. It's rather unsurprising that Hoverhafts are ready to slice and dice whoever comes through, minus the ladies and gentlemen Propeller Knight brings onto the ship. They're quite content with him as their captain. They all came here for adventure and they're sure as hell enjoying life to its fullest. With a such a suave and charismatic captain, their lives have reached higher than the sky. Thanks to this, they have managed to meet quite the interesting creatures in during their travels. Floatsomes are rather docile in nature unless an intruder is nearby. They can spend as much time as they want petting the harmless jelly blobs. Plantos are rather strange but adorable creatures that seem to be around the airship wherever they go. Their captain seems very fond of them, so very fond that he makes a point of showing you the dancing Plantos every night. It's quite a sight really, seeing them twirling in the skies above the lights of the Flying machine. The care their captain takes to invite you out every night makes them ponder: are you truly the one? You have been with him much longer than any other partner, is it truly more than a little romantic adventure of his? They're not here to judge, they only await their captain's commands.

Plague Knight doesn't seem to be very keen on taking care of his subordinates - some of the Plague Minions even seem to be scared by him, as he supposedly used to experiment on those who weren't efficient enough for his standards. However, they are slowly warming up to him again now that he has found someone to soothe his frustrations and convince him to turn a blind eye to their minor mistakes. You have become their angel and their best friend, and they couldn't be happier to welcome you in the Explodatorium and escort you to Plague Knight's lab every time you visit. At first, they weren't sure how to welcome a stranger - Plague Knight seldom lets people in, so it was only natural for the guardians to mistake you for an enemy. A Macawbe almost hit you in the head with a poisonous potion once, which taught you to always look up when you enter Plague Knight's not-so-humble abode. Ratsploders now run to you and then around you, waiting for you to lean down and pet them, Fairies (which normally are the most aggressive and unapproachable creatures in the kingdom) fly to you and swarm around you peacefully. If even Fairies accept you as part of the family, you have nothing to be scared of anymore.

The Leech Yard has, what the kids call, "spoopy vibes". Its inhabitants are usually undead monsters. That isn't to say that there aren't adorable little critters who you would absolutely die for. Tadvolts will zap you if you touch them, but gosh, look at them, they even have little crown-like crests. How can you not pet them? You're not quite sure what Invisishades are (as you have cleverly called them much to Specty's chagrin), but gosh, you love these things. You're at least partially sure that they're not actually the ghosts of late mortals (still, Specter Knight refuses to answer you thoroughly), so you try and fail to pet them every second of your trip. Man, you sure hope you aren't petting the ghost of a human or animal or else that would be weird, unless they're furies that is. Boneclangs act more like... servants. They're weird, and they stare at you through their eyeless sockets most if not all the time. Specter can turn their heads with a flick of his finger, but you like to keep them that way. You like to think they are appreciating you in their own weird, spooky way. Zambies are even weirder. They shuffle around awkwardly around the swamp. You have tried talking to one once but then he decided that your face would look better pressed against a gravestone. Thankfully, you happen to have the speend and energy of a living person. Sucks to be dead, Zambies. Of course, you have had more than one interaction with Super Skeletons. You're not quite sure why they call themselves that, but they might as well call themselves super if they're giants. You suppose they're Specter's right hand men, but they're also lovable doofuses that are dimmer than a candle in the rain. Still, you're quite fond of these giant babies.

The miners in the Lost City usually don't expect visits (unless it's another one of those annoying heroes), as Mole Knight is known for his dedication to his work and consequent lack of interpersonal relations. That seems to be a recurring topic among the members of the Order of No Quarter, although it's not commonly tackled. Mole Knight seems not to mind, he gets the most happiness out of an ancient artifact or peculiar stones anyway - until he met you, of course. Now, the most valuable of gems seem mere pebbles in comparison to you, and he is always happy to show you around the mines (that's how you discovered the wonders of Big Bohto rides) and share his knowledge with you. Molers pop out of the ground from time to time to greet you, others -the shyest- hide in the ground whenever you approach them to give free pats. There are even Molers that hide their face behind their claws whenever you kneel in front of them to pet them and compliment them for their hard work, and you can bet your knightfucker ass they're absolutely adorable. If Mole Knight had a face, he'd aww too. Blorbs are the most peculiar among all, and they all seem to have quite the jolly personality. Some of them jump right into your arms (unless they're Blazorbs, of course - they wouldn't want to set Mole Knight's beloved "friend" on fire, now would they?). Good thing that they're gummy and you can squeeze them as much as you want, they're the perfect anti-stress balls.

Terrorpin may seem intimidating at first glance... afterall, it's a spiky turtle mixed with a rhinoceros, it looks ready to impale everything that treads on its path. For that reason, you give it the best pats. You're already hanging around Black Knight, you're used to small intimidating things. Still, Terrorpin is huge, but like anything related to Black Knight, you find it absolutely adorable. You would die for it. It's huge and dumb and it likes salads and god you keep its shell shinier than Treasure Knight's gold. Black Knight may (not so gently) order you to stop spoiling it, but fuck him, this is wholesome turtle time and you refuse to stop  kissing and snuggling the giant spiky turtle. Don’t lie Black Knight, you want the kisses and the snuggles too. -Mod Tinker and ~Mod Propeller

[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 7- Mineral Mage

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU belongs to @theguardiansofredland )

The hermits are home on their hidden island of Eremita, welcomed by a friendly face...and a not so friendly friend. TFC is desperate to discover what the crystal is, even at the expense of his own wellbeing. But does he take it too far?

--------------------------------

At the tallest rise of the island, a glimmer is visible. Light shining off metal, and a small red tassel flowing free of the knight’s helmet. As stoic as he looks, standing heroically at the crest of the island, his face shows a childish glee. Jevin squeals, jumping from the sky turtle and rolling across the grass. “Wels! Long time no see, my man!” 

Wels lets out a raucous laugh, features lighting up with joy to see his friends, his family. After what he’s been through in Alphasgard, he was afraid he’d never see them again. See the ragtag team of idiots he calls family. “Hear you guys got a big contract- and you didn’t invite me?” 

“You stopped answering our letters, we thought you were too busy.” Stress giggles. 

“Phoebe was so sad every time she returned with the letter unopened.” Zedaph pouts, patting the head of the massive turtle, fingers gently preening the green feathers of the beast, the whorls like clouds in the sky. 

“What even happened?” Doc questions, sliding down the massive turtle shell with a lot less of his usual suave attitude. He may be a puppeteer mage, but animals are Zed’s thing. “We came as fast as we could.” 

“Let’s just say some people were less than happy to find me snooping around their sewer lair.” Wels shrugs off his tunic’s sleeve, showing the scar running over his shoulder. Mumbo winces alongside Stress, but False steps up.

“Wicked scar, man.” She high fives him. “I’m sure you left me with a whole pile of things to fix, huh?” 

“You bet. But first… what’s been going on with TFC? What is that crystal that he’s practically sleeping with?” The guild turns, looking down the hill, across the small forest and pond, over the training grounds to the inhabited side of the island. Among the odd collection of homes, he can see the crystal cave that TFC calls his own. 

“Lets grab TFC, and we can go over everything at once. Including what he missed.” Xisuma nods the rest of the guild to their open hall, while he follows the footpath to the cave. Exactly as Wels warned him, TFC is hunched over his desk, picking and scraping at the crystal in his hand. “TFC?”

“What?” TFC looks up, blinking away the fatigue in his eyes. Dark rings and bags accentuate the sharp gaze he shoots at Xisuma. X steps back, before entering into the cave. 

“We’re back, all of us are gathering in the guild hall to go over everything that happened. Haven’t you filled in Wels yet?” TFC isn’t acting like himself, he isn’t acting like the leader Xisuma knows he is. The father he is to every hermit. Strong and a good leader, calm and thoughtful. His words are short, cutting into Xisuma’s skin and lashing him with the tone in his voice. 

“I’m busy, can’t you see?” TFC raises the piece of the crystal, light consumed by the darkness. Xisuma retreats from the magical item, feeling the evil magic within. He looks up, noticing the hungry, weak stare that TFC holds with the crystal. He’s obsessed with it, he doesn’t even notice his hunger or fatigue. 

“TFC, please. Take a break, we have...a lot happened in Milliara. You’re our guildmaster, you need to be there.” Xisuma reaches out, but as soon as his fingers brush the draining crystal, TFC’s hand wraps around his wrist. It’s a firm grip, fingers constricting tighter and tighter until Xisuma’s knees buckle from the pain. Xisuma gasps, shaking. Sure, he’s been in duels with TFC more times than he can count, but TFC never intended to hurt him before. He never intends to hurt any of them. “T-TFC.” 

TFC notices the fear crossing Xisuma’s eyes, the way he’s collapsing under the tight grip around his wrist. Fear...of him. Of his own guildmaster. TFC retracts his hand, cradling the crystal close to his chest. Why did he do that? Why did he hurt Xisuma? He just didn’t want him to touch the crystal. “Fine, I’ll go.” 

The rest of the guild is listening to Wels regale them with his mission, pointing to aging wounds. “-and that’s when they captured me. They thought they had me beat? Ha! I took that sleep potion on purpose. I knew they’d take me right into their lair.” 

“But you were tortured! Wounded!” Keralis whimpers. 

“A little bit of pain wasn’t going to stop me from finishing my mission. These rogues were murdering people in cold blood- lucky for them mine was hot.” Wels’s lion tail flicks to the side, passing from one shoulder to the next like the tongue of a clock. Content to be with his friends- and very content to have some of Cleo’s amazing hard cider in his stomach. 

Everyone looks up, seeing the last two members of the guild arriving. Wels turns, resting his arm on the black pants. He doesn’t feel like wearing his armor, not on a day off like this. “So… tell me, what took all of you guys off the island?” 

“We got a huge contract. For all of us.” Grian grins, before remembering how that contract ended for them. They didn’t even get the gold, just a slap on the wrist. For what? Doing exactly what Magistrate Dolios wanted. 

“We were asked by the magistrate himself to investigate a disturbance in a town. But when we arrived, everything was dead.” Xisuma adds, tucking himself in the shade of the tree. He pulls off his mask, safe from the blinding light of the sun, his eyes weak after years of stargazing. 

“Okay… that’s not all that weird. Was it a plague? Or some banshee?” Wels shrugs, pulling his curly blonde hair away from his neck. He did not miss the warmth that the Ashioll sea brings, compared to Alphasgard’s cool mountain breeze. 

“No, not dead like that. Not just a corpse on the ground.” Cleo mutters. “There was nothing. Not even a soul left for me to find. And not just people or animals. Crops withered to ash, wood rotted to charcoal, and water dried up. It wasn’t just the people- the entire land was dead. A black scar on the map.” 

Wels’s face darkens, his eyes falling to the floor as he considers this news. “So what did you find?” 

“We found a crystal within the well system. Large, imposing. Floating over the spring. Taking its power.” Zedaph leans over Tango and Impulse. 

“And then it attacked us.” Tango hisses, playing with the tattered sash of Impulse’s. Pulling on the yellow threads and adding it to Zedaph’s golden locks. He’ll have an extra head of hair, if Impulse doesn’t notice. “These two creepy husk townsfolk came in, one attacked us, and then the crystal started spewing creepy mist stuff and nearly spiked us with it.” 

“The same crystal that TFC has?” Wels looks at the black gem in his hand. It’s so small, how was it able to overcome them all? 

“No, that’s just a mega tiny chunk.” Iskall responds, before pausing and squinting as he recounts his words. “No matter what we did, almost nothing could break it. Only my iskallium was strong enough to put it back into dormancy.”

“We narrowly escaped, but that’s when we rushed to Milliara. To tell the magistrate what we saw.” Xisuma leans against the massive oak tree at the center of the open guild hall. 

“Wait...the magistrate, Magistrate Dolios- leader of the Council of Guilds, creator of that ridiculous law about licensing guilds? He asked us?” Wels looks around, waving at the island hidden among the mysterious, danger ridden sea. “He does know we aren’t a legal guild, right?”

“That was his whole point. His whole ploy.” Doc growled, his lips curling back. He wishes he could give that jackass a taste of his own medicine. Play with him like he did to them. “He tricked us into doing his dirty work, then made a fool of us all in Milliara.” 

Now it’s TFC’s turn to be confused as well. “Wha- what do you mean? He tricked us?” 

“Oh yeah, that’s the best part.” Etho growls. “He burned the contract, and kicked us out like we were idiots asking to be licensed. He played us.” 

Anger flares hot in TFC’s veins, itching from his wrist where he holds onto the crystal. Like it’s feeding off his emotions. “So we did all this...for nothing!” 

“No, not nothing.” Xisuma tries to calm TFC down. Try to get him to think like he normally does. Rational and calm. “This crystal, the one you have. I think there’s more going on. Joe, could I root around in your library, see what I can research? See what this magic could be from?” 

Joe nods, and opens his mouth to welcome X to even search through his restricted books. But TFC cuts him off. “No! I’ve got this, I’m close to figuring it out. Learning the trick behind the crystal. You don’t need to get yourself tangled up in my work.” 

“TFC...we always work together. That’s why we have a guild.” Mumbo whispers, standing up. “Listen mate… a lot of us are worried about you. I think that crystal is affecting you, dude. You’re- you’re scaring some of us.” 

Mumbo opens his hand, quietly asking for the crystal. Not forever- he can’t do the magic that TFC can. If they hope to learn anything, they need his work. But it’s obviously affecting him. He’s changed. 

But TFC recoils, gripping the crystal tight. “No! This is my work- I just have to test the gem and see it’s properties, and we’ll know exactly how to handle this. I don’t need you guys interfering!” 

Xisuma’s eyes widen, realizing what TFC is saying. “T no!” 

He reaches out, but he’s a second too slow. TFC’s magic circle has already been cast, surrounding the gem and sapping it’s powers. The blue arcane light stains black, circles and lines falling apart and struggling against the dark magic. Taking it over. 

TFC falls to his knees, gripping his head. Black veins crawl up his skin, from the hand still holding the crystal. Unable to let it go. Like worms crawling through his bloodstream, infecting his body, sapping his strength. His skin turns pale, almost an ashen grey tone. The corrupted magic circle fades away, black mist replacing where magic hung desperate in the air, trying to stay activated. The mist retreats back to the crystal. 

The hermits rush to TFC’s side. Grian’s hands are already glowing, trying to find a way to heal TFC from the pain, but none of it is external, or even wounded. He’s sick, not hurt. He’s in pain, not broken. Xisuma holds the guildmaster up, ignoring the painful glare of sun in his delicate eyes to focus on TFC. “The crystal! He must’ve activated it’s magic! It’s draining him like it did Gildara!” 

“We have to get it out of his hand.” Iskall tries to pry the gloves open, but the older hermit won’t let go. It’s a vice grip, and when Iskall pulls his own fingers away, black mist trails behind. Trying to attach to even more power, the power surrounding it in two dozen different faces. 

Wels draws up his magic circle. “Stress! You’re the strongest of us! Get it out of his hand!” 

The azure circle is released, wrapping around the ice sorceress. Imbuing her with a strength buff. Iskall steps back, knowing not to get in her way. She digs her fingers between TFC’s. “Sorry, luv, but this really isn’t good fer yer health.” 

Stress’s fingers pull apart the guildmaster’s, prying free his metal gloved hand and wincing through the mist that catches on her. Crawling on her like a cobweb, searching for magic to steal. She finally gets all the fingers to release, grinding her teeth as the crystal is exposed. 

Jevin reaches out, encapsulating the dark gem in a mold of blue slime, hardening it into a thick casing. TFC collapses into the hermit’s warm embrace as soon as the crystal is punted away. “That thing needs to be destroyed now!” 

“But what about TFC? We need to get him to the infirmary.” Grian needs to take care of him, or at least try to help. He’s the healer- he needs to heal their resident grandpa and guildmaster. Stress, still imbued with the strength buff, picks up the larger man bridal style, aided by Ren and Scar in giving her a gentle slope to the bottom of the hill. The hermits race off, leaving behind only a few to deal with the crystal. 

Namely, Mumbo and Impulse. The two both watch the guild run to the infirmary room, but they know they will only add more bodies to the chaos. Impulse’s magic won’t do anything to help with that- but he is a master of destruction. And Mumbo, he knows he can’t help, and the last thing he needs to do is cause more issues. 

The two look at each other. “Guess we’ve set ourselves up to deal with the crystal.”

[gengarprotectionsquad]

bad horror movie ideas i've been compiling b/c @fleetwoodmurk is an enabler:

thankskilling: the family connections of a 19 year old college student allow him to skirt by any substantial sentencing for violent anti-indigenous hate crimes, just in time for him to make it home by thanksgiving. the soothing whispers of how he “shouldn’t have his life ruined for making a mistake” on property staked in stolen indigenous land invite the wrathful presence of autumn’s bounty-- a ghastly, therizinosaurus-like approximation of a turkey powered solely by the anguish of lives taken in the name of american colonialism. after all, if that family wants their son to have some turkey, then he’ll get his eight foot-tall, blade-handed, undying turkey.    

homebody: forced to pull into a run-down motel by a freak storm, a group of friends initially find themselves faced with nothing more harrowing than the occasional cobweb and staff who never meet visitors face-to-face, even finding a note on the front counter that there’s no fee for staying--so long as they “spread the word” if they find their stay satisfactory. but, after waking up each morning to find that they’ve lost clumps of hair, individual teeth, and even a toe among other body parts, they discover the motel’s one and only employee--a colossal, man-like harvestman that severs human tissue with surgical precision (thanks to its spindly, 15 meter arms) in a misguided attempt to better fool human prey by grafting the fruits of its labor onto its own body.     

goliath’s revenge: a japanese kaiju film director finally pushes his luck just a tad too far, killing the suit actress for the lead “goliath” monster as a direct result of the director’s penchant for strenuous, dangerous stuntwork. when his connections allow him to wriggle his way out of the tragedy scot-free, the suit actress’ furious spirit reanimates in her signature costume--now made flesh and blood--in order to exact a vengeful rampage of monstrous proportions that her former boss could only have hoped to have filmed. 

more under the cut!!!

hivemind: a single mother reeling from a devastating divorce seems to find new purpose in her life thanks to a california-based branch of a yoga group that emphasizes the value of both diligence and mindfulness. as the months go by, however, she realizes that she’s so deeply invested her time with the group that she doesn’t even know the names of anyone in her neighborhood that isn’t involved with them. just as she’s having doubts, she’s invited on a week-long retreat to experience what will hopefully become an outdoor facility of theirs, and that even their founder will be in attendance. she and her daughter do indeed meet the group’s founder--a colossal, humanoid queen ant who is rendered inert by her size, subsequently relying on her psychic abilities to indoctrinate human followers to her side and transform them into “suitable workers” that would happily give their lives for her sake   

children of the night: an exorcist, a private investigator, a trio of true crime podcasters, the local sheriff w/ top suspect in tow, a self-proclaimed “vampire hunter”, and a humble gravedigger all converge on the same cemetery when it becomes host to a series of unspeakably gruesome murders--the site being deemed the “vampires’ playground” for the crimes’ bloody nature. but when the self-confessed suspect winds up cleaved in twain at the scene, it turns out they’ll all have to deal with actual vampires--hulking, gorilla-like, hairless bats with the intelligence of a toddler and a permanent, gummy grin filled with teeth far too dull to consume flesh that hasn’t been playfully beaten to a fine pulp beforehand 

think tank: with the untimely death of a silicon valley tech giant who’d racked up a reputation for being as antisocial as he was exploitative, a documentary crew visits his main offices in hopes of interviewing any available employees in order to determine whether or not that open secret had any truth to it. though cooperative enough, the surly defensiveness that seems to increase in prevalence as the crew makes their way up the corporate ladder leads one particularly-intrepid camerawoman to sneak the crew far further into the building than originally intended and into a hidden basement. this brings them face-to-face with the deceased entrepreneur’s dirty little secret, known as the think tank: a captive “psychic existence” brought into being using the harvested, collective brainpower of every employee who refused to take their boss’s shit but was just too talented to let go 

whalefall: the 300 ft tall, walking corpse of a whale dredges its way up from the ocean floor and onto american shorelines, bringing with it tidal waves of pestilence and plague. when japanese fishermen identify the creature as a bake-kujira--a ghostly whale that harbors only misfortune and undead sealife in the wake of maritime disaster--the federal government opts to not only ignore their insight, but outright blame japan and their whaling industry for its presence. their relative inaction in the name of xenophobia and saving face will serve only to prolong the creature’s attack, with entire coastal towns left to deal with the flooding and zombified deep-sea organisms themselves. 

study skin: a group of hunters grow too impatient to wait for their county’s deer season and set out under the cover of nightfall in hopes of snagging a trophy or two. though met with a highway lined with bizarre amounts of roadkill and a totally silent forest, they disregard their unease and set up for the night. they soon discover the true reason for the minimal duration of the local hunting season when they catch a glimpse of an old friend long-thought to have vanished on a hunting trip, bringing them face-to-face with the hidewinder--a mysterious creature that inhabits the skins of deceased animals in search of larger and more complex bodies to call its own, with absolutely no idea how to look or behave “right” in any of its disguises, and a tendency to become enraged once it becomes clear that it doesnt fit in.

calling card: a freelance musician struggling with being sincere and vulnerable in their own work decides to move to a small, quiet town in southern bumblefuck-nowhere to try and clear their head. to their surprise, they’ve practically moved onto the set of a musical--the town’s residents bursting into song at the drop of a hat out of what seems to be the sheer, earnest passion of their feelings. this pleasant novelty soon turns out to be a town tradition established to cope with the presence of lonesome harvey--an upright cicada-man who emerges from underground hibernation every 18 years to rip select peoples’ vocal chords right out of their throats, crudely tying them together in order to fashion a set powerful enough to function as his own (which he uses to shriek out his signature mating call every summers’ night, in hopes of attracting a partner who’ll never arrive). thus, the townsfolk sing their hearts out so that harvey can gauge whose voice he’ll claim for himself (as opposed to having him mutilate everyone in the name of trial-and-error), and the musician has moved into town just in time for ol’ harvey to make his return.

back of your mind: following the very-much-timely (if a tad mysterious) death of their verbally-abusive mother, her only child returns to their childhood home in order to collect any wayward belongings and maybe find some sort of closure in setting foot on the premises one last time. a patch of black mold on the wall that they spot on their way in seems to...change location, somehow. further investigation and attempts to simply wipe away the mold leave it in the blurred image of a gummy, toothy maw--one that begins to whisper to the visitor, claiming to have missed them oh-so-very-much from the day that they left. the strangeness of the situation keeps them coming back everyday, where the mold’s whispers begin to take a familiarly-cruel edge--at first pleading for the visitor to stay, only to take to yelling at them that no-one but the mold will accept them as the “broken, useless husk” of a person that they are.    

miasma: a long line of charlatans and conmen have managed to convince a small backwoods town over generations that their collection of plastic gems and false talismans will heal them better than any medical professional could ever hope to accomplish. with most of the towns residents now being old, grey, and complacently vulnerable to disease, a new con artist moving in with a case of the stomach flu compromises the health of the entire community. and with the enticing smell of illness, comes the arrival of the scavenger--a black-feathered “vulture man” who knocks three times upon the door of his intended target, before politely entering their residence and leaving within the hour, leaving behind a bloated corpse whose orifices are stuffed with posies laying otherwise peacefully on their bed.  

killing stroke: a promising rising star in the fencing scene is tragically slain in the middle of a prestigious tournament, with the cause of death being attributed to a recklessly-modified underplastron. in actuality, the poor youth’s equipment was sabotaged in order to maintain the career of a legendary fencer. on the anniversary of his death, he rises from the grave and dons his old suit in order to infiltrate that year’s iteration of the tournament--his mission being to cut down not only his rival, but anyone who upholds the same kind of narcissistic greed that claimed his life.  

disassembly line: an upton sinclair-adjacent investigative journalist finds herself looking into the inner workings of a 1900s meat-packing factory in chicago, beholding the full disgusting scope of its exploitative, unsanitary working conditions. managing to acquaint herself with a few of the workers, the lunchtime whispers of one particularly-attractive lady butcher point her in the direction of a devious cover-up involving a nameless employee who “accidentally” wound up in the machinery after making too much of a ruckus about his wages. a nameless employee whose steaming, ground-up remains have now crawled out of the rickety equipment in search of postmortem vigilante justice.    

catch of the day: in spite of the sustainability concerns their operation has racked up over the years, a deep-sea fishing company delves into nigh-uncontested territory--a patch of ocean deemed “dead waters” in reference to the sparse results of other companies’ attempts. their first day dredges up only a single pacific halibut, titanic even by the standards of the species. upon further inspection, the flatfish splits open in a mess of bodily fluids and blackened, inedible meat--as if the fish had already been torn apart and had decayed from the inside out. lost in the shuffle was an amniotic sac containing rapidly-growing, amphibious hagfish “mermaids” that had parasitized the halibut as they had almost all of the other fish in those waters, and that have now been unleashed on a lonely fishing boat sitting miles away from shore.    

razorback bridge: a group of teenaged, amateur paranormal enthusiasts livestream their first “investigation” into a local landmark--razorback bridge, rumored to be haunted by the murderous ghost of a local farmer whose crops were so frequently ruined by invasive wild boar that he snapped and devoted the rest of his natural life to slaying the hogs, eventually losing his life to a boar that proceeded to gobble up his remains without leaving a trace. although officials have long restricted access to that part of the woods due to the aggressive nature of the wild boar inhabiting the area, the teens manage to sneak their way onto the bridge and come face-to-face with ol’ rawhide himself--a ravenous, nigh-unstoppable half-man/half-boar that came to be when the hog that consumed the old farmer had its body possessed and warped by the man’s furious ghost, far too angry to accept even the prospect of his own death.    

vigor mortis: a kindly old mortician prides herself on her ability to restore bodies to exactly how they looked in life, enabling their families to have at least one source of comfort during the difficult coping process of loss. one day, however, she is presented with a body so badly mangled in an accident that she almost suggests to forgo embalming altogether and to simply refrigerate the corpse until the burial service, though she ultimately doesn’t when the distraught client begs for the process to be open-casket. try as she might, the mortician finds herself unable to make any substantial restoration on the body. in the few minutes that she steps away from the body in order to think of what else she could do, she turns back to find that it’s...vanished. she soon finds herself being pursued at every turn by the shambling corpse, now enshrouded in a body bag, and is forced to confront both a mangled revenant and a debilitating case of impostor syndrome.

making up for lost time: a conspiracy theory-themed convention is having its first go in philadelphia, pennsylvania--even hosting an artists’ alley selling everything from “ayyy lmao” keychains to collapsible foam JFK heads. when mysterious burn damage begins to show up on the property, however, the inflated egos of the guest panel speakers representing various “unorthodox investigation” groups not only refuse to give up on the convention, but are so prone to bickering amongst themselves and attempting to assume leadership that they only make it harder for the other attendees to respond to the threat of what seems to be a time traveler. that is, the victim of a first attempt at time travel so badly botched that she’s received what is mostly simply put as “space-time carpet burn”: not only is she burning, but her mind, her soul, and the very concept of her throughout space and time are burning, leaving the unreachable chrononaut in a frenzied panic that threatens to scorch everything she touches right out of existence along with her.    

pearly gates: in the midst of a national emergency, a group of local landlords manage to bully their recently-unemployed tenants into coughing up just enough rent to host a get-together at their luxurious gated community. following a constant sensation of being watched and drowsy recollections of blinding light shining through their windows that first evening, the group awakens the next day to find one of them dead--groveling on her hands and knees with her entire skull seeming to have somehow...inverted. they soon realize that they’re being picked off by an angel--one so enraged by their inhuman greed that it wrenched itself free from the heavens in order to exact furious retribution. 

frontera sangrienta: a softspoken chicanx youth sneaks across the american border on a nightly basis under the noses of both his immigrant parents and border patrol agents, for the express purpose of helping mexican migrants safely make their way over. one night, he is met with a family so terrified that he can make out only one word from their panic--”chupacabra”. the legendary mosquito has developed a taste for american blood after devouring careless tourists and escaped goats, and is in hot pursuit of the family considering that the mother is an american herself. the young man--a “mixed signal” to the chupacabra due to his conflicted feelings over thinking of himself as strictly american or mexican--is now the only thing standing between the family and a pitiful, bloody demise.

52: after a saturation diver is violently wrenched from their diving bell in a freak accident and their remains are presumed lost at sea, a marine salvage team is sent in by the chamber’s manufacturers under the surface-level orders to retrieve evidence for the investigation, but with the underlying message really being to “pick all that shit up so we can just sweep it under the rug quickly and quietly”. upon arrival, the crew begins picking up a bizarre frequency that would otherwise be regarded as whalesong...if not for the fact that it is much higher than the calls of any whales known to inhabit the area. the salvage team then finds themselves being picked off one by one by the source of the noise--it turns out that the saturation diver’s sheer will to live allowed their broken body to adapt to the ocean depths, taking on a warped form not too dissimilar to a beluga whale. now the former diver is left to lash out in frenzied desperation, screaming out a cry for help that falls deaf on the ears of both humans and sealife 

i am but a teenage fool who knows nothing about nothing so please do not dunk on me if nothing i wrote here has any accurate basis in real-world experiences or logic. also i’ll update with more if/whenever i think of any 

[love-takes-work]

The Tale of Steven - Outline & Review

The Tale of Steven is a wonderful, timeless-feeling storybook about identity, authority, and finding your own way. It's got an innovative design that requires the reader to turn the book upside-down, sideways, and right-side-up to get the whole story, sometimes all on the same spread of art and text, and as we come to find out ultimately, this "tale of Steven" really is STEVEN'S story.

We begin with White Diamond, matriarch of the Gem homeworld, setting the stage--and not only does she frame the other Diamonds uncharitably (especially the littlest Diamond, Pink), she even sets the tone by admonishing THE READER straight away, scolding us to turn the book her way to read her words. (We must turn the book upside-down to read her perspective. Very nice.)

As we listen to White Diamond tell us how ridiculous Pink Diamond is and frame her as "impossible to understand," we also see exactly why Pink felt driven to leave her home. White apparently appointed herself the authority on keeping Pink in her place, and we're treated to White's huge pale hands holding little Pink Diamond in her tiny pink throne, “right”-side-up. White's perspective is proper, and she is to be praised, you see, for understanding that Pink's desires and attributes are not worthwhile and need to be forced out of her. Pink is shown as having run away to Earth and reinventing herself as a new Gem: Rose Quartz. Suddenly, we are able to turn the book sideways and see what she's thinking too. (White does NOT approve.)

The Earth, where Rose Quartz is allowed to love herself and love her surroundings, is simultaneously called "grotesque" by White, and we're seeing the same planet through two sets of eyes. White sees Rose as "stubborn" and "absurd," while Rose just gives us an aside about not listening to White if we don't want to and giving us a choice to read the book her way. As Rose continues to depict rainbows and falling in love with a human--Greg Universe--White is getting angrier. She shrieks, "You're ruining my story!" Rose, rightly, replies, "This isn't your story."

Soon, Rose has bequeathed her Gem--the center of her being--to her half-human son, Steven, with the consequence of ceasing to be herself. Baby Steven appears with his father and Rose Quartz's three companions--Amethyst, Garnet, and Pearl. White Diamond finally abandons trying to narrate this story, escaping with a vindictive comment and an attempt to frame Rose as simply Pink Diamond hiding "inside an unwitting creature." Rose's perspective expresses that she wanted her son to experience the love and acceptance she never received. And then, Steven's perspective pops onto the scene. We can now turn the book fully right-side-up to read his tale.

As the story slides fully into Steven's perspective, Rose's hopes for him still line up on the sides of the pages, longing for him to experience kindness, to never know the awfulness she went through on Homeworld, to never have to feel the criticism issued by the other Diamonds, and to be able to tell his own story one day. Steven reflects on Rose's influence on his life, how he's heard about her and the more truth he's discovered the more everything frightens him. There are many perspectives, he recognizes. Perhaps there is more than one way to read the story.

White's perspective, upside-down now, returns alongside all this. She suggests "Pink" has come crawling back to turn the world the "right" way again, and she's puzzled by Steven's appearance, but she's determined to rescue Pink from herself by separating Steven from his Gem. Meanwhile, Steven's been wondering what his relationship is to Pink and Rose--is she inside him? Is he actually her? What's real?

But they all learn the truth when Steven's Gem reveals that he was also Steven inside there. All along, he was himself and no one else. This is, and has always been, his story, and he has been right about who he is.

Several wordless frames depict Steven's two aspects finding each other, reconnecting, and becoming one again. Newly confident in who he is and having asserted as much in the face of crushing authority, Steven declares, "This way feels right to me." The orientation of the book AND the definition of himself are the focus here, and for the first time, White begins to consider that her perspective was the wrong side up in someone else's story.

Steven closes by claiming the book as his own (writing his own name in the "This Book Belongs To" space, which is superimposed over a Diamond Authority symbol with the Pink Diamond on top instead of on the bottom). The end dedication is made out "To Trans & Gender-Expansive Kids."

To reflect on this sentiment and the rest of the book, I will say that a large portion of the Steven Universe fandom already recognized some threads of a trans allegory in the animation this is based on. Steven, though he is not specifically depicted as a confirmed trans character in the show, does not demonstrate or seem to experience toxic masculinity in association with his quest to be powerful, and has no qualms about using symbolism, iconography, and apparel that is more commonly associated in today's Western society with women and girls (e.g., the color pink, flower symbolism, protective and defensive rather than aggressive and offensive behaviors, wearing jewelry and dresses occasionally without it being a gag). His assertion that he is Steven and not Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz has many parallels with a common trans narrative--including pronouns that the Diamonds refused to respect--even though it is also its own thing since human beings do not have to defend that they are not literally their mother. 

They do, however, frequently struggle with authorities in their lives "correcting" them on who and what they are "for their own good," brushing off the seriousness of the misery it causes, and these children do find themselves forced to wear clothes, use names, and adhere to roles that do not match who they are. They even sometimes hear authorities mourn the "loss" of a different-gender version of them and accuse the child of being selfish for wanting to manifest their truth instead of being the son or daughter the parent thought they had.

It is my deepest hope that authorities like this can learn to turn the book around.

It is so important for children to learn that they ARE the authority on their identity, and while some well-meaning authorities in their lives may frame their identity as a phase or a fake, they do not have to accept this view of the world, or even that it comes from a loving place. White Diamond did not sound like a stern but caring figure to me. She sounded like a tyrant who is convinced of her own correctness, determined to gaslight and shame Pink Diamond into becoming the person SHE wanted. Love is listening. Love is nurturing. Love is seeing pleasure and pain and letting those things guide you in supporting a happy existence. Kids whose gender is complicated and young people who develop misunderstood identities need books like this to center them in their own stories and empower them to show others how to read their book.

Except for the section of the book where Steven's organic self and Gem self are separated and re-combine, the message is solid for readers who have not watched the show. But because of how important that wordless series of panels is and how much background you actually have to have to understand what's happening there, I recommend this book primarily for fans of the show who have seen "Change Your Mind" and the episodes that support it. The other depictions are more powerful and illuminating for those who have context from the show also, but the main purpose of the book can be readily understood without that background. 

If you haven't seen the show, all you need to know is that Steven is a hybrid Gem/human who has a gemstone in his human body, and it gives him superhuman powers. Gem characters generate a body from their Gem, while Steven's body is organic and presumably NOT generated from the Gem. White Diamond removed Steven's Gem from his belly, expecting Pink Diamond to take form out of the Gem. She thought his organic half was just a human that the Gem was stuck in. But instead, a Pink Steven emerged and went back to his organic self to merge again, proving that he is Steven, not someone else, through and through. And he truly loves and knows himself.

A couple other notes fans of the show might enjoy: White Diamond's hypothesis that Pink Diamond was "hiding in an unwitting creature" is really interesting--she knew what Steven was but believed he was just a normal human hosting a Gem. Interesting. White's disdain toward Yellow and Blue for "spoiling" Pink is an interesting addition to what we know about her, too. Pink is pictured standing on her hands on her throne, upside-down, which is interesting since it's both "silly" and an expression of her right-side-up perspective (since, when we obey White, we're reading the book upside-down!). White's commentary that she kept Pink in line is also interesting, considering we've seen way more of how Yellow and Blue treated her and none of that was very nice either (yet they're the "nice" ones in this story, indulging her even though we know they abused her). There's a really cute image of Rose lounging on the beach with Greg in what looks like a swimsuit. Connie is in a frame with the Gems looking through a telescope. And there's a frame with Garnet holding pink and blue butterflies.

Inventive, beautiful, moving, and so necessary. Buy a copy. Let kids turn the book around.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[skekheck]

In that same vein, how about gelfling ranking??? OwO

Warning this post may contain lightly spiced opinions. Also not going to list all of them because there’s a lot...

BUT HERE WE GOOOOOO

1. Seladon: Say what you want with how AOR handled her redemption arc, but she’s by far the most interesting and complexly written gelfling character in the series. She was raised with a lot of pressure, being the eldest daughter of the all Maudra. She had to train hard and taught by a mother who never really showed her love or recognize her accomplishments. Most scenes she’s in with Mayrin her mother criticizes her constantly. Seladon was raised to serve the skeksis and that their word is law and true. And then suddenly her mother and her younger sister who she had a strained relationship are planning to flip it upside down. Lead by the being who represents all of Thra who hasn’t been seen or heard of in forever. And then her mother was murdered for treachery and further being manipulated by the beings she was taught to serve. Does any of this excuse what she did? Of course not, but constantly seeing people berate her over actual genocidal turkeys is very telling how people’s biases get in the way of what’s going on. But at the same time, a character generating this much discussion for her gray morale is proof of how great of a character she is. Also she rocks the goth look. 

2. Kylan: Sweetest boy. Because he’s a minor character in AOR, I’m going to be talking about him from the books. His characterization was inconsistent in Shadows, but they became clearer in Song thanks to the fact his story was told from his perspective. He never really fit into anything: his parents were taken from him at an young age, his step-mother was not very kind to him despite loving him, he never fit in as a Spriton. Now, being part of a resistance of fighters, he once again feels inadequate as a songteller. How can a songteller fight the skeksis? Kylan struggled with self-worth, constantly comparing himself to his peers. But through his travels, he discovers that he has a place in the resistance and there are things that he can do that no one else can. He took on and defeated skekLi the Satirist through playing is firca (and aided by the mystics). Kylan was able to engrave dreametches (a rare and hard to learn skill) into the petals of the Sanctuary Tree to get the word out about the skeksis. He even saved Tavra’s life. He may be the broth boy in AOR, but he’s the smart, shy but very sweet songteller and I think more people should acknowledge that. 

3. Tavra: Absolute MVP in both AOR and the book series. There are things I wish AOR kept about her, like her relationship with Onica (but I feel this can still be remedied if they find the right way to include it). She was the glue in her relationship with her sisters, keeping them together even after she “passed away”. Although it took her a while to get there, Tavra shined even brighter in the books. After losing her original body, she lives the rest of her life as a spider. Like Kylan, she was having her own self-doubts of what she could do with her new body. She does manage to find ways to work around her predicament, but seeing what sacrifices she would have to make (like not being able to see her sisters ever again) is heart breaking. Whatever her situation may be, in both iterations her bravery is commendable and I absolutely adore her character.

4. Periss: So this is my complete bias coming in, but I loved this character. Although he’s not my favorite from the book series anymore, he still remains high on my list. He’s a rebel: he hates his clan and their complacent ways. He knew their Great Tree was alive, but no one listened to him as they thought he wasn’t able to let go. He fought with his brother, sandmaster Erimon, to the point he decided to run away. Periss became a thief who grew a fondness for materialism, as opposed to a clan who lives on minimalism. When the main group finds him after stealing from them, they force him to get them to the Dousan Clan and indirectly confront his problems. It’s there that we find he’s not completely selfish and cares for those around him. I adore smug thief characters with a heart of gold and Periss quickly grew on me. Please be in future seasons.

5. Onica: While a minor character in AOR, she plays a bigger role in the book series. Her characterization is similar, but we get to see more of her: she has a backstory and established relationships with other characters. She lost her wings while stuck in a storm, losing her wings by saving one of her friends. Although she mourns over the loss, she will never regret doing what she did and even concluding that meeting Tavra was worth it. She’s also got a little sass to her and I love how she doesn’t take shit from no one. I hope we get to see this version of Onica in future seasons.

6. Naia: Once again, book series does her more justice. She’s a headstrong badass who cares about her family and goes through great lengths to find her brother. Like a lot of her friends, she has her own problems of fitting in into the grand scheme of things and eventually doubting herself when she believed her one special gift was taken from her. Also she had a super interesting expansion on her dreamfasting ability where not only could she dreamfast with animals but also with the skeksis/mystics (with Gurjin involved). She doesn’t take shit and she gets stuff done no matter how hard it is. 

7. Maudra Argot: Sassy, doesn’t take any shit, should have been the All Maudra. How dare Mayrin rob that from her?

8. Maudra Seethi: My favorite maudra only for the tiniest bit of lore about her and design. I want to know more about you. Gimmie more lore.

9.  Rek’yr: He’s really cool, but there’s not much to him. Hopefully we get a prequel comic starring him soon.

10.  Kira: Should have been the protagonist of the movie. She’s a cute bog princess with a noisy rolly polly dog, can speak to animals, used said animals to kill a skeksis, knows how to use throwing weapons, what’s not to love? Sequel comics ruined her, though.

11.  Brea: I love her inquisitiveness and her need to find the truth. I said this before, but my friend and I joked she was BOTW!Zelda and that still sticks with me. The two are so much alike. Brea is my favorite out of the main trio, but I wished she was as developed as her sisters.

12.  Gurjin: I like him just fine. I don’t really get why people are so thirsty for him but everyone’s got different interests. He is really funny though and kiddos to him for staying strong while being tortured by the skeksis. He’s kind of the odd one out as I like him better in AOR than I did in the book series. I mean we didn’t really get to know him until Flames and by then he just couldn’t leave an impression on me.

13.  Mira: Should have been alive instead of Rian. I kinda really wanted an all girl trio.

14.  Maudra Ethri: I wish they kept her gem eye that was really cool.

15. Maudra Fara: She’s cool. That’s all I can really say.

16.  Maudra Mayrin: Conflicted. One hand I understand why she acts the way she does but on the other hand that doesn’t excuse her from treating Seladon so poorly. Even when she finally steps up to the skeksis I don’t think it really makes up for what she did. A golden star for trying, though.

17.  Elder Cadia: Who?

18.  Deet: Okay I might get some salty fans on me but... I don’t particularly care for Deet? Like she’s cute and should be protected, but that’s really it. She’s just cute. It’s cool to see things from her perspective: the surface world of Thra is so new and newcomers to the series can see its wonders and dangers through her. But there’s not much else. Hopefully this changes but I’m not very impressed.

19.  Rian: Now I don’t mind him, but I think I fell into the camp of I wish Mira was alive instead. He’s the typical hero character who’s needlessly surrounded by tragedy. The show never really gets him to mourn properly. And then he just moves on from Mira to Deet just like that? He’s also not really interesting as a character. He’s my least favorite of the main trio.

20.  Ordon:  I like him, but I don’t think he was very rememberable. I think he resolved his issues with his son too quickly and as soon as they reunite Ordon is killed off. His sacrifice wasn’t even worth it because skekMal survived anyway. Ordon’s death felt cheap, adding needless trauma and sorrow for Rian who was already dealing with the loss of Mira. Ordon deserved better.

21.  Amri: Okay here’s another take people might get salty over: he’s boring. he had promise being a weird experimenter, but we don’t really get to see much of that except for a few instances. Amri had a collection of jars full of weird junk he made. They were brought up in Song and never again. I’m not sure why he became the protagonist of Tides I feel like he should have remained as a side character. He just never made an impression on me.

22.  Jen: As interesting as white bread. I haven’t read the novelization of the movie yet so this opinion may change, but he’s just... not interesting. Also the sequel comics totally ruined him for me.

23. Kensho: I keep forgetting him most of the time. He’s boring.

24. Maudra Mera: Fuck this racist bitch. Worst gelfling 0/10.

[aspoonofsugar]

I saw, in one of your metas on snk, that you had made a parallel between Sayaka - Madoka and Eren - Armin. The question is a little vagueness so I understand if you don't want to answer, but could you explore another parallel between snk and pmmm? These are two mangas / anime that I love especially and I found that what you had done last time was very interesting!

Hello anon!

Tbh I don’t remember the post you are talking about and I tried searching my blog, but found nothing, so could you please give me a more precise description of the post?

That said, I can still try to talk about these two series since I like them as well :)

Some time ago I made this post about Madoka Magica I may use as a reference since it is a synthesis of the major themes of the series.

First of all, both PMMM and Shinjeki no Kyojin are set in a world with supernatural creatures which symbolically represent the worst parts of the characters or the parts the characters don’t want to accept.

As it is explained in the post I linked above, each witch the girls fight is a metaphorical representation of a character’s fatal flaw and the twist of the witches actually being magical girls whose soul gems got tainted stregnthens this idea.

Similarly, in snk, titans are seen as the enemies of humanity in the beginning, but it is soon discovered that they are none other than humans which were transformed into monsters.

In short, both witches and titans represent the worst of humanity and this is why the revelation of them actually being humans is firstly suggested through a character with a white and black mentality transforming into one of the so much hated monsters:

Another similarity between pure titans and witches is also that the process is considered impossible to invert. Once a magical girl transforms into a witch she can not be brought back and the same can be said so far for a pure titan who can’t change back into a human unless he eats one of the nine original titans.

All in all the two systems are similar and they are the reason why the characters are stuck in an endless cycle of tragedy.

However, two people are said to possess a power which might change the world.

The Coordinate Eren possesses is said to be the point where all the paths meet. This concept is similar to what Kyubey says about Madoka:

“You are the central point of karmic destiny from many different timelines”.

Kyubey, ep 12

The difference is that Eren’s power is something which was born for unknown reasons and who he has inherited by chance (even if there could be some kind of destiny to it), whereas Madoka’s power is the result of Homura’s attempts to save her.

However, it is important to underline how in both cases the person who has the power is a common individual who ends up with such potential because of the relationships developed with others:

“I wasn’t special at all. It’s just...that I was the son of a special man”.

Eren Jeager, chapter 71

And Madoka is Homura’s friend.

That said, this doesn’t mean that Eren and Madoka don’t have value as individuals, but their value doesn’t lie in their powers, but in who they are.

This is specifically shown in Madoka’s final wish. I am quoting myself from the post above:

The idea of making of one’s lifestyle their own dream is something which has been touched at the beginning of the series. There, Madoka wanted to make of her magical girl style of life her wish, but back then she was still looking at things in a superficial way. As a matter of fact Madoka was trying to solve her self-esteem and self-loathing problems by acquiring magical powers. By the end of the series she doesn’t become a magical girl in order to grow up, but she can become one because she has grown up.

Through her wish Madoka shows to have realized her value as an individual also thanks to Homura’s efforts to protect her and can now use this power she acquired thanks to her friend’s suffering to change the world.

I think (hope) that by the end Eren too will find a way to use the power of the Coordinate to subvert the system he is a slave to and that this way will mirror who Eren is as a person and his love for freedom.

All in all, both Madoka and Eren’s characters are in the beginning presented as willing to be special and they try to reach this objectives by embracing a specific “profession” and nurturing what are superficial attributes (like the physical strength to kill titans or magical powers). However, they ignore that there are people who love them for who they are and who would prefer them to be safe over them being martyrs:

Mikasa and Homura are people who are struggling with grief and loss and who refuse to let go of a person they love for this reason.

Mikasa’s parents’ death resulted in her attaching herself to Eren as a defense mechanism. However, the story is slowly asking her to let go of him and to become more independent.

Similarly, Homura can’t accept Madoka’s death and starts a hopeless journey to prevent it.

Both Homura and Mikasa’s characters find their value in the other person and this is something they both have to overcome in order to find value in themselves.

When it comes to Homura, her later conflict with Madoka which is set up in Rebellion might be similar to the possible one between Eren and Armin which the story seems to be building up in the current arc:

H: “Kaname Madoka, do you treasure this world? Do you consider stability and order more important than desire?”

M: “Well, I…Um…I do treasure it. I guess I do think it’s kind of bad to break the rules because you feel like it”.

H: “I see…Then I suppose one day you will be my enemy as well”.

Homura treasures personal feelings and individual desires over the world, whereas Madoka thinks the other way.

This could be the very root of a conflict between Eren and Armin if it turned out Eren gives more importance to the interests of Paradis and to the well-being of his friends, while Armin treasures the world the most. All in all, it is too soon to say, but we’ll see soon.

Let’s also underline that Eren hiding things from his friends, putting them in a cage to possibly keep them safe and so on are actions which are very similar to what Homura does at the end of Rebellion.

Finally let me underline how Sayaka and Kyouko’s inverted arcs are similar in concept to Historia and Ymir’s ones.

Both couples have a character who superficially appears as too much selfless:

And a character who appears as too much selfish:

However, it is revealed how the apparently selfless character has selfish reasons for her selflessness. To be more specific, Historia’s selflessness is born from a martyr complex, whereas Sayaka’s one is a way to refuse that her wish was animated also by a selfish desire to be recognized by the boy she loves.

At the same time it is revealed how the apparently selfish character used to actually be extremely selfless and became more self-centred because of a tragic experience in their past. As a matter of fact, Ymir’s attempt to protect the people around her ended up turning her into a pure titan, whereas Kyouko’s wish made so that her family was destroyed. Not only that, but both Ymir and Kyouko see in respectively Historia and Sayaka their old selves and want to help them.

However, Historia and Sayaka react differently. On one hand Historia is able to integrate with Ymir and to become more “selfish”. On the other hand Sayaka fails to let go of her rigid vision of the world and ends up dying.

Finally, both Kyouko and Ymir show that their “selfless” selves had not really disappeared and in their final moments sacrifice themselves for someone else claiming to do that without regrests.

These are some of the major parallelisms between the two series I was able to find. The series have some common themes, but also very different ones and are structured differently. However, trying to find how they are similar was fun!

Thank you for the ask!

[introvertedfox]

Sims 4 - Stardew Valley Challenge [My Version]

As I said previously, I decided to write my own rules for my Stardew Valley Challenge. So here they are! I got a little inspiration from the rules I was following, but I changed most of it. Including the characters. I decided to choose some new characters that I felt could be an excuse to try things in game I haven’t tried yet. xD I had way to much fun doing this. Hope you enjoy!

Some important things before we get to the Generations:  - I used several packs for this challenge, and I feel too lazy to find alternatives for all of them xD so you’ll have to have some of the packs that are used to be able to follow it. Sorry…  - The characters don’t have to look like the ones from Stardew Valley or have the same gender, it’s completely up to you.

The Gens will be under the cut because this post is huge xD

You can also check the rules here. If you decide to give this a try don’t forget to use the hashtag #katesdv4 so I can follow your gameplay. Have fun! :)

Generation 1 - The Farmer 

Going from home to work, and from work back home. Working 8h a day, 7 days a week, always doing the same exact thing. Until one day, you remember that letter grandpa gave you before he passed away, and it changes everything. Grandpa left you his beloved farm! Or more precisely a big plot of land filled with trees and rocks and stamps … I know it doesn’t look good but remember grandpa is counting on you to turn it into the greatest farm this valley as ever seen. So let’s get to work!

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Family Oriented (and I’ll leave the other for you to decide since it’s the farmer anyway) Aspiration: Freelance Botanist Career: Gardener (requires Seasons, so you can skip this if you don’t have it and just sell the crops from the garden instead) Rules: - Have a garden with more than 50 plants - Master gardening skill - Reach level 10 career level (the branch is up to you) - Have a cabin type house, just the kitchen, bathroom, and one room. Upgrade the house as you go. (Like in stardew) Add the couple bed before you get married, and had a room for the kids before you have them. - Have only two kids - Have a full relationship with your spouse and kids

Generation 2 - The Wizard

You’ve always had your nose stuck in a book, while your sibling would be out there playing around with their friends, you would prefer to stay inside and just read. One of your favourite things to do was to make your own make-believe potions by mixing plants together and in food. Fantasies were always your favourite, magic, spells, potions,… The world would be a better place with magic in it. When the news of a magic realm reach your ears you waste no time to go there and explore it and so your adventure begins.

Traits: Loner, Gloomy, Bookworm Aspiration: Purveyor of Potions (requires Realm of Magic) Career: None (It’s up to you) Rules: - Master herbalism skill (requires Outdoor Retreat) - Reach rank 5 spellcaster (requires Realm of Magic) - Have a bad relationship with your sibling - Have only two friends growing up, your parents - Explore the realm of magic, but never move out of your parent’s house, even after they’re both gone - Never marry - Have one child, but the mother/father of the kid left you - Have a room/basement full of magical stuff, locked from the kid (your kid is not supposed to know you’re a spellcaster)

Generation 3 - Abigail

Growing up you always knew your mother/father was keeping secrets from you. That door is hiding something you know it, and one day you’ll find out what it is. Also, you always wanted a cat, but your mother/father never let you have one. You love the occult, vampires, aliens, mermaids,… their all real and you’re going to find them all and prove to the world that they exist. For now, you’re happy just playing video games and daydreaming about your fantasies, that’s until your mother/father shows you what’s behind the door…

Traits: Geek, Cat Lover (requires Cats and Dogs), Loner Aspiration: Spellcraft and Sorcery (requires Realm of Magic) Career: None (It’s up to you) Rules: - Be a young adult when you discover what your father/mother really is - Master video gaming skill - Master vampire lore (Requires Vampires) - Reach rank 5 spellcaster  (requires Realm of Magic) - Only have a good relationship with your mother/father after they show you what’s behind the door - Have a vampire friend (Requires Vampires) - Have a mermaid friend (Requires Island Living) - Have an alien friend (Requires Get to Work) - Marry an occult sim, vampire, mermaid, alien,… - Have a human kid - Have a cat

Generation 4 - Linus

Growing up surrounded by magic, and the occult can be really hard on a regular kid. Watching your parents and siblings perform magic tricks and brewing potions, while you can do either of those things. So you spend most of your time exploring the outdoors. You got pretty good at catching frogs, finding weird-looking stones and harvesting delicious fruits. One day, you decide you’re tired of all the magic around you and you just run away from home. Traits: Loves Outdoors, Glutton, Slob Aspiration: Outdoor Enthusiast (requires Outdoor Retreat, if you don’t have it go with the Curator instead) Career: None (Just living off the land, selling the stuff you find) Rules: - Run from home as a teenager or as soon as you age to young adult - Complete at least two collections (gems, frogs, …) - Only gain money from the collectibles you find - Live on a tent (until you start to have kids, then you can build a little cabin) - Live in an off the grid type lot - Only have low-quality stuff - Marry a sim with the Good trait - Never woohoo, always try for a baby

Generation 5 - Marnie

You always loved animals. Growing up living off the land you were always surrounded by them and your parents always taught you to respect them. If you won’t take care of the animals, who will? So at school when they asked you what you wanted to be when you grew old, the answer was pretty simple, you were going to be a vet. Animals were always so easy. If only people were that easy.

Traits: Loner, Dog Lover, Cat Lover (the last two require Cats and Dogs) Aspiration: Friend of the Animals (requires Cats and Dogs) Career: Vet (requires Cats and Dogs) Rules: - Master pet training skill (requires Cats and Dogs) - Master veterinarian skill (requires Cats and Dogs) - Have a 4 star vet clinic - Have at least 2 tanks full of fish - Have at least 10 frogs - Have at least 2 dogs - Have at least 2 cats - Never marry, or marry as an elder - Adopt 2 kids

Generation 6 - Pierre

You loved to help your mother/father at the vet clinic, not treating the pets though. But taking care of the stock and stocking the supplies in the vending machine they kept there. Your dream was to have your own shop someday, where you can sell anything you want. You devote your life to that store, trying to make it the best store in town. Sometimes you wonder if that’s the reason you don’t get along with your kid.

Traits: Perfectionist, Self-Assured, Ambitious Aspiration: Successful Lineage Career: Shop Owner (requires Get To Work) Rules: - Sell whatever you want at the store, but only make money from the stuff you sell there - Master charisma skill - Spend most of your time at the store - Have only 1 kid - Don’t get along with your kid

Generation 7 - Willy

You never understood why your father/mother loved that store so much, and why they spent all day there. It was way more fun to fish at the pounds in the park. You would always run there whenever you got the chance. When you get a big catch you always hang them proudly on the wall. When your father/mother gets the idea to start selling the fish you catch at the store, things start to get a little better.

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Good, Cheerful Aspiration: Angling Ace Career: Fish Shop Owner (After they’re father/mother dies they take over the shop to sell the fish they catch) (requires Get To Work) Rules: - Master fishing skill - Have a wall full of the best fish you catch - Fish every day - Complete the fish collection - Take over the store after your father/mother dies, but only sell the fish you catch

Generation 8 - Kent

You always loved your family very much. You were always happy to help your parents around the house and help your siblings when needed. Though you have a terrible temper, it’s really easy for you to get mad about things. You always had a sense of duty for your country, so you join the army as soon as you’re old enough to do so. After a few years, when you’re happily married and you just had your second child, they assigned you to some strange town to protect it against some mysterious threat. You’re forced to leave your family behind for some time, but you promise you’ll be back.

Traits: Active, Hot-Headed, Family-Oriented Aspiration: StrangerVille Mystery (Requires StrangerVille) and Bodybuilder (After completing the first one) Career: Military, Officer Branch (Requires StrangerVille) Rules: - Master Fitness skill - Marry a Neat sim - Marry and have at least 2 kids before becoming an adult - Move alone to StrangerVille after the birth of the second child - Don’t move back home until you complete the aspiration - Complete the aspiration StrangerVille Mystery (Requires StrangerVille) - After completing the aspiration you can move back home to your family

Generation 9 - Emily

Growing up, one of your parents was absent for the majority of the time, and the other was always busy keeping the house clean. So you had to find ways to entertain yourself. You always liked crafting and sewing. So you start to draw and sew your own costumes and clothes. You’d always force your sibling to try them, so they find you a bit annoying, but deep down they love you. One day, you come home from your part-time job tired and decide it’s time for a change, so you quit it and start working towards pursuing your dreams.

Traits: Creative, Cheerful, Art Lover Aspiration: Painter Extraordinaire (you can choose another, I wasn’t really sure which to choose xD) Career: Style influencer - Stylist Branch Rules: - Master painting skill - Master charisma skill - Reach max level career - Have a part-time before joining the style influencer (could start as a teen) - Have a good relationship with your sibling Sibling lives with you until you marry, or they marry

Generation 10 - Gus

You’ve always loved food. As a kid, you were always stealing cookies from the jar, or sneaking some food when your mum was cooking. As you grew older there was nothing you enjoyed more than to cook a meal for a bunch of people. You’re well known among your friends for your delicious food and amazing dinner parties. You always dreamed of having a restaurant. So when you find this old restaurant in town for sale, you don’t even think twice.

Traits: Foodie, Good, Outgoing Aspiration: Friend of the World or Master Chef (I went with the first since for master chef you need to be in the culinary career) Career: Restaurant Owner (requires Dine Out) Rules: - Master cocking skill - Master baking skill - Have a 5 star restaurant (requires Dine Out) - Have at least 5 friends - Have a dinner party at least once a week, or once a season Cook all meals in the household

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Worst of 2018

Before we dig into my Worst of 2018 list, let’s make something clear. Making movies is hard. I may be criticizing people’s efforts but am fully aware that they’ve all accomplished far more than I have by making an actual movie. Even the worst film on this list is still a fully-functional production that someone somewhere might enjoy... theoretically at least. If you were somehow involved in anything made on this list, I know you can do better. With that said, I sat through all of these, some multiple times and suffered so it’s time for me to get my revenge. How many were on the list I made halfway through the year, and how many new entries have we got?

10. 2.0

I typically reserve my #10 spot for a movie so bad it’s good and 2.0 is just that. Part techno-horror, part supernatural thriller, part superhero adventure, part sci-fi action movie, it goes in all sorts of outrageous directions. This one’s a gem, a picture I’d like to bring home and show to my friends on our weekly movie nights to hear their screeches of disbelief. I had a blast with it but legitimately good? Nah.

9. Show Dogs

I have some affection for this film as well. It’s awful, even as low-grade children’s entertainment. The plot has no idea what it’s doing and can’t figure out its own rules. The special effects are dodgy, premise idiotic, and jokes bad. And yet, I treasure seeing it in theatres. Soon after its release, a specific scene stirred uproar within parents and critics alike. This prompted the studio to re-edit the film. The scene in question concerns Ludacris’ character, talking police dog Max getting ready for the dog show he needs to infiltrate in order to discover who has kidnapped a baby panda. His partner, FBI agent Frank Nicholas (Will Arnett) explains that part of the competition involves the dogs getting their genitals inspected by the judges. In real-life, it’s to ensure the animals are capable of breeding. Finding the idea of someone fondling his junk without his consent intolerable, Max is told to escape the situation by going to his “zen place”. I didn’t take offense to it but understand why others would. I doubt the scene is available in the home release’s deleted scenes menu so I count myself among the few who saw the original cut.

8. Selfie from Hell, Slenderman & Truth or Dare

I’m lumping these three together because they all suffer from the same problem. They were doomed from the start. “What if a game of Truth or Dare… was fatal?” What if you could only take 13 selfies before a supernatural entity came after you?”, “What if severe head trauma caused H.P. Lovecraft’s intelligence to plunge and he set “The Call of Cthulhu” in the 21st century?” seemed to have been the opening pitches for these would-be spookfests. None featured any scares or compelling characters. I doubt anyone will remember any of these by the time 2019 ends.

7. Robin Hood

Many of 2018's films ended by assuring us that more was yet to come. Robin Hood should've saved itself the embarrassment of being yet another aspiring franchise which failed to take off and been self-contained. It failed because it tried to be a superhero film when it should’ve simply been a movie about Robin Hood. This story by Ben Chandler steals so many ideas from Batman you almost forget to criticize the costumes, the impossible action sequences, and Jamie Foxx’s bad performance. It’s dripping with “tries too hard”.

6. Life of the Party

Boy does Melissa McCarthy need a new Agent. Her and Tiffany Haddish actually. Life of the Party is all-around lazy. It hardly has a plot. Instead, it throws one scene after another, praying something will stick. This film about a newly-divorced mother who goes back to college to reconnect with her daughter can’t even get its characters right. In some scenes, McCarthy’s Deanna is mousey and unable to give a speech to the class. In others, she’s such a partier she ends up wrecking everything for everyone around her. I hated the film’s conclusion worst of all, a deus-ex-machina of an ending which has nothing to do with anything and feels like it was hastily shot when director Ben Falcone and co-writer/spouse McCarthy realized the film they made wasn’t amounting to anything.

5. Fifty Shades Freed

Fifty Shades Darker was terrible. It began by immediately undoing the ending of the previous film but at least it was building up to something while introducing us its equivalent of the Legion of Doom, a trio of villains all of which would converge and attempt to ruin the relationship between Anastasia Steele, and Christian Grey… or not. This third and final chapter struggles to find something to do for the first three quarters and then suddenly introduces a thriller element before rapidly concluding it and showing us the end credits. The unrated version released on home video filled in a couple of holes (such as Kim Basinger’s disappearing character) but those holes shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Between the un-erotic sex scenes, we’re treated to lame melodrama and further proof this trilogy is completely oblivious to matters of love and relationship. Even if it had been well acted and gave fans some satisfaction by adequately tackling some of the bigger questions the series posed, it would’ve still been bad.

4. Venom

I didn’t want to listen to people who proclaimed Venom would never work. The character has appeared in solo adventures before. There’s nothing to say a talented writer couldn’t make one of Spider-Man’s most well-known archenemies work on his own. Or maybe not. This is an appallingly written film full of plot holes, vaguely defined powers, bad humor, and illogical actions. In many ways, it reminds you of films like Ghost Rider and Catwoman. In a way, it’s worse than either because everyone involved should’ve known better. Making its flaws doubly apparent is the film Upgrade, released earlier during the year. It essentially did what this film wanted to but better, funnier and more inventively. It’s extra funny that Upgrade features Logan Marshall-Green, who looks a lot like Tom Hardy, making the pair a perfect double feature if you like to compare bad movies with good ones and discuss them with friends.

3. A Wrinkle in Time and The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

These Disney films, the first directed by Ava DuVernay and the second by a combined effort by Lasse Hallström and Joe Johnston, wanted to be empowering female-led fantasy adventures. A Wrinkle in Time is historic in that it’s the first $100 million+ film directed by a woman of color. This makes it extra disappointing because it’s awful. Both tales are filled with developments who inspire you to say “but I don’t care”. Overrelying on visual razzle-dazzle, neither of these had any substance whatsoever. I blame the writers, who took the original stories and tried to make them into something they weren’t. Much of AWiT could’ve worked if the story had kept some of its novels' Christian themes. Then the evil black cloud who does evil for evil’s sake would’ve simply been Satan and wouldn't have seemed nearly as lazy and underwhelming. By attempting to force The Nutcracker and the Mouse King into the same mould as Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (another bad film), you robbed the ballet of any potential charm. In many ways, these are worse than most of the others on my list because you keep hoping something would turn around and because they’re not obviously bad, at least not at first. They fill you with false hope.

2. Life Itself

I should’ve known this Dan Fogelman creation was trouble from the advertisements, which built it up as this epic tale containing all of the universes’ deepest truths. I sat there aghast as one corny development followed another. This tries to be poetry in motion, this grandiose tale about the bonds which connect us and not one second works. It’s utterly ridiculous, so bad it might be funny except you’ll be bored by its nearly 2-hour running time. 

The Runner ups:

Nobody’s Fool & Night School

Both featured Tiffany Haddish who is rapidly burning through any goodwill she might’ve earned with her breakout role in Girls Trip.

Holmes & Watson

Bad movie but it made me laugh more than the other films on this list

Book Club

A film I’m kicking myself for not being harder on when I first reviewed it but take comfort in the fact it seems to have dropped off the earth completely.

1. The 15:17 to Paris

Agonizingly dull, The 15:17 to Paris was well-intentioned. That doesn’t translate to “entertaining”. Most of this film’s 94 minutes are spent watching the real life Spencer Stone, Anthony Sadler and Alek Skarlatos vacationing through Europe, periodically flashing back to the time when they met and were the real-life non-actors were played by equally bad child performers. I hated this flat slab of propaganda masquerading as entertainment so much after it was over I had to turn to the other people around me and ask them what we just saw.

[minijenn]

Mystical Mystery Kids AU

In yet another bout of excellence over on the UF Discord we have created yet another really neat AU, one that I happen to enjoy quite a bit because it has le angst in it ahahaha (plus design wise it has a lot of really awesome potential) So yeah, have a bunch of headcanons we’ve come up with (plus some original ones of my own) under the cut!

So the backstory of this AU actually starts a waaaaaaay long time ago, back in the days of ancient Egypt. So we got our Mystery kids but they’re of course Egyptian but they still like go solve mysteries and hang out and whatever (idk this part is the part I don’t generally find as interesting as the present day of this AU)

So one day the kids are wandering around or whatever and they discover the truth that Bill (who, as we know from... some extra canon stuff idk) basically had the ancient Egyptians build the pyramids as monuments to him or whatever) is actually a geometric bastard who wants the world for himself

So the kids are all set to expose the truth to everyone but then Bill himself shows up and decides to silence the kids by cursing them, turning them each into a different kind of mythological monster

So in this we have Gem-corrupted (but still sorta sentient) rose monster Steven, dragon Dipper, Pegasus Mabel, and roc Connie

So yeah these kids are pretty much screwed because there’s no way to undo the curse (cause Bill is an ass) and they kinda can’t really hang about in human society anymore so they all just flee and go off on their own and stick together as they wander around, eternally stuck in their monstrous forms (they basically have unlimited life spans, but they can be killed (which will come into play later on)

And eventually these kids find their way to Gravity Falls, which is where all of the weird things usually tend to congregate, and that’s where they settle down

Now of course the Gems were around back in the day so they’re completely distraught about what happened to the kids, but Garnet I guess, has a vision that they’ll all eventually meet again someday in this place called Gravity Falls, so they decide to move there and play the waiting game, hoping that they can see Steven again someday

Now flash forward to the modernish era and the Mystery Kids get... uh... offed; basically they all die, probably in roughly the same way

BUT because the curse thing Bill put on them is sorta like this eternal thing, upon their deaths, the kids actually reincarnate into the modern Mystery Kids we all know and love

Now at first, these kids are all born human and normal and such, but as they grow up they gradually start to transform into the monsters they used to be (and they gradually start gaining memories of their past lives too) 

So let’s break it down into how it goes for each one of the kids (and I’m kinda gonna be doing some copy pasting from Discord here so bear with me)

So Steven; he’s not part Gem anymore, at least not apparently; but the Gems happen to find him with no parents around and they realize he’s basically identical to their old Steven they lost centuries ago, so of course they decide to take him in and basically raise him

However, he gradually turns back into that corrupted rose monster over the years and to quote @7-galaxys​ here (cause she came up with some really good ideas for this AU): “ OK so for Steven, there ain't no flower shops in Gravity Falls or Beach City, but the CG often portal to different places and whenever Steven comes along and finds Roses, he keeps them. He's got an uncanny ability to care for roses, so even starts his own rose garden. (Yet, as soon as the gems gave him seeds for other flowers, Steven couldn't care for them nearly as well and it always frustrates him) He's always got this distinct smell of roses about him, and really likes the color pink. He's usually calm, but small things will set him off (like when he's scared or hurt). Lots of people noticed he acts in an almost animal way, but everyone just chalked it up to HIS weird and mysterious past (showed up outta nowhere with 3 aliens- definitely not normal) that's also a bit pinkish. At one point, en STEVEN'S 12 or something, he noticed that some rose petals stuck to his skin. When he tried pulling them off, they refused to budge. When they finally did come off, he felt paint and was bleeding...thankfully they fell off on their own, but Steven started wearing sweaters after that to hide his new, strange skin. If they're on his hair though, he'll leave am cause he like an there and no one really questions it. Weird kid=weird habits”

So yeah, like I said, gradual transformations over the course of several years that even the kids themselves are sorta baffled by

Now for Connie, her and her family have always lived in Gravity Falls; however as she started to turn back into a roc (which is like this huge eagle-like bird if you don’t know), her parents kinda keep her inside a lot because they don’t want people to freak out over their half-bird daughter

And, quoting Galaxies again:  “Connie was always ridiculously light, even when she was born; her parents worried she wasn't the right weight, but everyone was surprised when she survived to infancy. Her X-rays how ARE always really weird (Connie was born with kinda hollow bones) but NO one figured out why. She was always so interested with birds, and I guess in this AU, is a needs glasses because her pre-roc vision and her now human vision were colliding a lot, which  made it difficult to see. When she was about 8, she began to grow feathers, and thats when her parents didn't let her go outside anymore. Connie's nose began to grow kinda weird, and sometimes her skin kinda had scales like how talons did? It was weird. One time, on a school field trip before her shut in, she was visiting the aviary habitat where birds fly around, yeah? And when she whistled (only she knew how to whistle out of the whole grade- she claimed no one taught her tho) all the birds flocked to her area, or at least most of them. One of them perched on her head and she stayed in the habitat the whole day.”

Now for the twins, they’re still born in California and again, seems like they’re all right and normal at first, but gradually Dipper starts turning back into a dragon (a tiny lil one) and Mabel turns back into a Pegasus

Galaxies, once more, weighs in: “Dipper's skin occasionally gets really tough and one time, he touched the stove while there was FIRE and it was hot AF but there wasn't a burn, Mabel always had a strong connection with horses and loved the idea of pegasai (But would sometimes point out that they looked....wrong somehow and she could never say how) and the twins always felt like they couldn't always communicate with people and DIPPER FUCKING LOVES REPTILES and Mabel always had this crazy endurance and a ridiculously fast metabolism and Dipper gets fangs and will sometimes growl”

So yeah of course the Pines parents don’t really know how to handle their kids’ alarming transformations, so they kinda panic and send them up to live with Stan in Gravity Falls (when they’re like, idk maybe 8 or 9) because apparently all sorts of weird shit happens up there, so they’ll probably be safe there, right?

So Stan takes them in and he finds their transformations to be pretty weird yea, but he’s supportive and comforting because well, Stan is the best

So the kids meet each other about the same time they do in UF and they all quickly bond because by that point they’re just about all fully monsters (I’d say the transformation would basically be complete around the time their past lives got cursed, which would be when they were 12/13 whatever)

So yeah through meeting each other that awakens even more past live memories and the kids eventually remember their former bond and that only brings them even closer together (the Gems are baffled but delighted by the way to see the kids again, even if they are still monsters) 

Also, being a dragon Dipper FUCKING HORDES A LOT OF RANDOM STUFF and it drives Mabel crazy (Stan and Amethyst use Dipper as a regular advantage on their revenge trips tho cause he’s got such an apparent knack for stealing lol) 

As for more extemporaneous stuff, when Dipper, Mabel, and Connie all grow their wings it HURTS like hell for all of them, poor kiddos (a lot of this transformation stuff would likely hurt them cause ya know, they spend years turning from humans into literal monsters)

Steven sometimes sheds his petals and they’re apparently very rare and highly valued for their healing properties

Steven’s also the only one of the MK who can’t fly but he compensates for that by being able to run very fast and jump very far

Despite being a dragon, like I said, Dipper’s a pretty small one, so he’d be the tiniest of the MK here (with Connie being the biggest cause ya know, giant bird)

Mabel still has a diet that consists of a lot of sugar (cause ya know, horses, sugar cubes lol), Steven’s pretty much an herbivore, while Dipper and Connie are both total carnivores

The kids kinda spend most of their time hanging out in the woods because they know they’ll probably be safe from humans being afraid of them out there (though they do trust Stan and the Gems of course) 

Aaaaaaand that’s about all of the main things for this AU but idk its a nifty idea (I’ve already sketched up what dragon Dipper and beast Steven look like so I’ll probably finish those up one of these days and do designs for the girls as well) 

Either way, as always, lemme know what ya think and if you got any HCs you’d like to add! Tbh this one is pretty neat (I love slow transformation situations) so I may write something for it in the future, idk its angsty but cute ^_^

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Swipe Right On These Top Rent-a-Girlfriend Dates

  **SPOILERS FOR RENT-A-GIRLFRIEND AHEAD** 

  The first season of Rent-a-Girlfriend is coming to a close, and while our protagonist Kazuya Kinoshita began the series as a sad, lone wolf, he may be ending the season with more suitors than he could have ever imagined. After Kazuya gets dumped by his girlfriend Mami, the heartbroken college-student stumbles across "a gem of an app that heals your soul." And how does it heal your soul??? By setting you up with a rental girlfriend. Questioning the service at first, Kazuya ends up booking Chizuru Mizuhara, launching what will become the most complicated case of fake dating ever seen! Let's take a look at some of the most memorable Kanojo, Okarishimasu dates. 

Episode 1 "Rent-a-Girlfriend"

  It's the date that started it all ... well technically, it's the second date to the date that started it all. After hitting the "agree" button on an app that's "Perfect for if you're worried or stressed about your love life," Kazuya's first date with Chizuru Mizuhara went as well as it possibly could. In fact, it went so well Kazuya really believed Chizuru in the role of his girlfriend. But then Kazuya read the reviews, learning Chizuru sticks to a routine on dates, and so he decides to "give her a piece of his mind," but then ... A TWIST!

  What's funny about this date is it was Chizuru who decided to give Kazuya a piece of her mind because he was unappreciative of how much effort she put into making the date feel personal. After a call from the hospital regarding his grandmother, one thing leads to another and Chizuru is now Kazuya's official girlfriend in the eyes of his family. What was supposed to be a date for Kazuya to get back at Chizuru for toying with his emotions ended up being a roller coaster of one lie after another. This date was all over the place, but in a good way, and really set the tone for how complicated (and spicy) things would become.

    Episode 6 "Girlfriend and Girlfriend"

  Make it double! By this point in the series, Kazuya has had a few scares when it comes to his secret getting out, but getting suckered into going on a double date with his friend Kuri and his new "girlfriend" Ruka, puts his own "relationship" in the most compromising position yet! Kazuya and Chizuru have been able to fool everyone so far, but something about their "romance" just doesn't seem right to Ruka, and this becomes very clear when she confronts Chizuru about being a rental girlfriend. This is an edge-of-your-seat date because now, Chizuru and Kazuya go into hyperdrive trying to prove to Ruka — who adds to the suspense by hiding a secret of her own — that their relationship is real. The comedy is packed on as Kazuya is so unprepared for how much Chizuru is dedicated to protecting their secret and the credibility of her job. 

    Episode 10 "Friend's Girlfriend"

  Kazuya isn't the only one who gets to experience Chizuru's charm. In Episode 10, Kazuya asks Chizuru if she would be okay going on a date with Kuri. Chizuru warns Kazuya of the consequences, letting him know the truth behind their relationship would be revealed. What made this date special is it showed just how much Kazuya values his friendships.

  Throughout the entire series, Kazuya has been hiding the secret of his and Chizuru's relationship, but after Ruka awkwardly broke up with Kuri — revealing his rental girlfriend situation — Kazuya couldn't help but want to make Kuri feel better. Kazuya saw how down in the dumps Kuri was after Ruka and understood better than anyone how pathetic and embarrassed Kuri felt. Because Kazuya recognized how someone can get absorbed in their emotions, he didn't want Kuri to harbor resentful feelings and develop a "done with love," mindset. After seeing Kazuya's commitment to his friends and how prepared he is to endure all the awkward comments should the secret get out, Chizuru agrees to go along with the plan. What was even more heartwarming to see was how Chizuru worked to ease Kuri's negative feelings, acting as a temporary emotional bandage. It was going on rides, holding hands, having someone laugh at his jokes, and being able to talk out his feelings that made Kuri forget all about the humiliation he had endured. Soon after this "date," Kuri was able to bounce right back to his lady-loving ways.

    Episode 11 "Truth and Girlfriend" 

One word ... SUMI! In Episode 11 we meet rental girlfriend Sumi Sakurasawa, and honestly, everything about her and this date is adorable. Sumi is a sweet introvert who is PAINFULLY shy, and in the hope of gaining self-confidence, Chizuru asks Kazuya to go out on a date with her. For someone like Sumi who has bad social anxiety, meeting people on a normal basis can be tough, and meeting people who you hope will accept you is even more difficult. Nonetheless, Sumi tries her absolute hardest to play the role of Kazuya's girlfriend. She goes bowling, even though she's not great. She clings onto Kazuya when Mami's making her move, even though she feels insecure. She works up the courage to hold his hand and offers to share her ice cream. 

  What made this date special, was how meaningful it is for Sumi. For Sumi, it was a big step forward for her self-confidence, and it's thanks in part to how Kazuya acted with her. Sumi admires Chizuru, and part of the advice Chizuru gave her is that by working this job she will discover clients who will love her for who she is. Kazuya was the first client Sumi went out with where it felt like finding someone who appreciated her in spite of her nerves was not outside the realm of possibility. 

    What are some of your favorite dates from Rent-a-Girlfriend? Let us know in the comments!

      Pro hero Veronica Valencia is an anime-loving hot sauce enthusiast! You can follow more of her work as a host, writer, and producer on Twitter and Instagram.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

  By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[humans-vs-confused-aliens]

Birthday

Terribly sorry I haven’t written something for you guys in a while! Unfortunately, I hit a stump in my life and my motivation to write was a bit…off. But I hope you enjoy this!

Please let me know if there are any grammatical errors so I can fix them and make the story more immersive. I also welcome feeback, opinions, and ideas, so please feel free to message me, send an ask, or send a suggestion! Thank you! (Also, after a few questions, Iuop is not a gem from any TV shows! They are their own species! But I would like to leave their appearance to your imagination!)

Enjoy!

(By the way, their name is pronouced ee-oh-p.)

-

• In all of their years of serving their Perud, their beloved ruler, they would never have thought themselves to be the ambassador, nor to be living on a death-planet with humans. •

The smaller infant male was tugging on Iuop’s hand as soon as they entered the house. It - or, as the humans preferred, “he” - seemed to completely ignore the warning Iuop had given his family (which was to not touch their surface), as well as the report they had written to their superior that they just barely grabbed before it could fall to the ground.

Iuop would have glared if it wasn’t so much of a human thing to do.

• Humans were disgusting, hideous creatures, that would surely become extinct in a few decades. It was absolutely amazing they had any form of advanced science and civilization at all. •

“I have told you not to touch my surface.” Iuop pulled their hand away, in a less rude way so as not to ‘harm’ the human. “What is it you want?”

“We’ve been waiting for you!” He shouted in his small infant voice. Iuop never quite understood why humans could never choose a volume and tone and keep it. “Come on! I wanna blow out my candles.”

In the most dense manner Iuop had ever witnessed, the human replaced it’s small, greasy hand upon their index and ring finger and began dragging them into the room where they ate.

“Waiting? What time-wasting activity do you people want me to-”

Iuop went silent.

• The only good things that came out of humans - well, no one would admit it, but… •

“Ah! There they are!” The adult male, the smaller’s producer, exclaimed in relief.

The room was decorated in colorful papers, some tied together spelling - ah, what was that word? Iuop’s English wasn’t amazing; perhaps ‘happy’ - ‘Happy Boothday’. Attached to the chair the child quickly sat in were two floating circular fabrics. Iuop wondered if the objects floated like the sky machines did.

“What…is this?” Iuop asked slowly, for fear of another daft human answer. They glared into the adult male’s eyes.

He raised one strip of hair above his eye higher than the other - a sign that Iuop couldn’t quite dechiper yet. “It’s a birthday party, of course.” Then, in a lower and heavier tone that startled Iuop, “You…know what a birthday is, don’t you?”

“Ah! I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” The adult female - the child’s other producer, why does it need two? - interrupted Iuop’s reply and dashed into the room, with quivering arms as she carried a large…rectangle. It was covered in a red pattern around the edge, with an image of the child and his animal companion in the center. Atop the image were the words Iuop kept seeing - 'Happy Boo-’…erm, wait - 'Happy Birthday’.

“Honey, please, you’ll drop the cake.” The adult male chuckled, stepping forward to help the female lower the shape onto the flat wooden surface. The two set it in front of the child, whose eyes sparkled like a freshly cut diamond. He spread his mouth to display his small bones - a motion that, yet again, Iuop did not understand.

'Cake? Birthday?’ Iuop knew that humans were ridiculously confusing, but they’d handled it well thus far. Now they were feeling quite lost.

“Everyone! Cake time!” The female called into the house. Iuop listened in curiousity and fear as voices appeared and footsteps echoed. Suddenly, the small room was filling up with other humans. Iuop had to retreat into the corner to avoid being touched.

Then, the chatter of over a dozen humans was continued- although quieter - as the light in the room clicked off, and after a few intimidating moments, small specks of fire came to life on the rectangle. They illuminated the child’s face, as well as the human faces nearby. The red-orange glow shined weakly on Iuop’s pink surface, turning it a deep shade of orange.

They gazed at their surface in wonder; what a sight! They would have never suspected that light could dye!

“Quite home-y, isn’t it?” Iuop looked up and found themselves next to the adult male of the house. “Fire light is one of the wonders of the world in my opinion.”

“Fire light…you light your objects on fire?” Iuop’s voice was smaller than they wanted it to be.

“Well, yes.” The male watched the child shift in his seat. “Tell me, Iuop, you don’t know what a birthday is, do you?”

“I do not…”

“It’s when we celebrate the day we were born. Not just when humanity was made, no, we don’t know that. The day we as individuals were brought to life.” The tips of his mouth rose slightly, making him look calm and peaceful. “We use these days to signify how long we’ve been alive. They are also tradition, and we give the person gifts and trinkets to celebrate.”

“You…You…celebrate the years you haven’t died in?” Iuop asked in horror. “That’s the most depressing thing I’ve heard about humans.”

The male blinked. Then he laughed - a sound indicating joy. “I guess when you put it like that, it is kind of weird, huh? But that’s not the main reason. I believe the biggest reason for birthdays is to celebrate our own humanity.

“I mean, what’s truly special or important or symbolic about the day you came to life? Perhaps it’s important to yourself, but to others? No one should care. But we do. We congratulate each other on another year of growing, learning, and changing. No one is really the exact same person two years in a row. We all change in some way, and really the ability to adapt and grow is another factor of what makes us all human. So yeah, we like to celebrate another year of being human.”

Iuop couldn’t think of a reply. Their whole perspective had suddenly and irreversibly changed - they wanted to say the room was spinning, but it was instead completely still. They watched in silence as the whole room began giggling and chanting:

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Teddie, happy birthday to you!”

All of the humans started clapping and cheering as the child - Teddie - puffed out a gust of air that doused the fires. There was more happy talking until one of the older children shouted, “What’d ya wish for Teddie?!”

Teddie giggled. “I wished that we could all be together forever!”

Everyone made an expressive noise and murmured, “How cute…” or “Such a sweetheart…” After that, they all collectively turned towards the meal-preparing room, laughing and chatting once again.

Iuop glanced towards the male next to him only to find him following the group. “Wait!” They shouted.

The male turned. “Yes Iuop? What can I do for you?”

“I…” Iuop clenched their hand, then unclenched it. “Would you remind me of your name?”

His eyes twinkled. “It’s Dr. Elliot Allen. But you may call me Elliot, or Eli if you prefer, I don’t mind. My wife’s name is Isla, and our son’s is Teddie. Do you want to meet everyone else in the distant family? They’ve all been talking about you and have wanted to say something, but we asked them not to talk with you for your sake. We can remove that rule if you’d like.”

Iuop took a deep breath, then, with a quick look into the room containing the smiling humans, they found themselves mimicing the male - Elliot’s mouth motion. Somehow it made them happy.

“Yes. I’d be delighted.”

Dr. Elliot repeated the happy motion. “Then follow me.”

The two walked down the hallway for a second in silence until, just before they entered the room, Dr. Elliot asked, “Iuop, may I ask you a personal question?”

“I suppose.”

“What exactly are you made of? I mean, it’s a gem of course, but what kind? Do you know?”

“Oh…I’m made of…ah, in English, I think it’s called 'kunzite’. The people from my sector are all made of pink gems. My generation was all kunzite gems.”

“Your sector?”

“Yes, all of my species is sorted into different sectors on our planet based on what color they are. I am from Sector…oh. Actually, the name doesn’t translate into English at all.”

“Does your planet have a form of leadership? Are certain sectors favored over others?”

“Well, each sector has its best qualites and its worst. My sector is best in…”

For the rest of the evening, though they wanted to meet the other humans, Dr. Elliot and Iuop discussed their planets. And it was some of the most best conversation Iuop had ever been in - completely worth the scolding from their superior after not turning in their report. But it was alright; they had some changes in the opinion of humans to make anyway…

• The best thing to come out of humanity is definitely their capability to share the traits and spirit of being 'human’. It’s what has made them some of the best allies for emotional planets, and it’s what has made them one of the best planets so far discovered. •

[writinginprogress99-blog]

Masters of a New World - ch.1

A/N: A couple months ago we saw a post by @writing-prompt-s that inspired this story.  There are two of us writing, each from the perspective of a different character.  Hope you all enjoy!

Last Tuesday served as the anniversary of a certain event. An event so momentous, so important, that it shook the very fabric of reality as we know it. And that event… is DRAGONS! (*echoes* DRAGONS! AGONS! ONS!) Ok, ok, I couldn’t help myself. And besides, the truth is that it’s a whole lot bigger than that. A little over a year ago everything changed. One day, all of a sudden, magic appeared, and with it came dragons, orcs, elves, fairies, the whole shebang. It’s called the Convergence. We still don’t know how or why it happened. I have a few theories, but this isn’t really the time for that. The point is that when it happened it immediately became the most important issue. No one could talk about anything else for days! It was great!

 The last year has been… interesting to say the least.  One day everything was fine, and the next, a damn dragon perched on top of the Empire State Building!  Not that anyone saw that news story at first, since creatures were popping up everywhere. No, seriously, everywhere. Overnight, the entire country was infested with half-animal, half-human, half-nightmare things that just popped out of the ground.  Or, materialized?  I don’t know where they came from but the very next day national news reported it was happening across the globe.  I think they had some kind of “expert” on one of the channels and he called the creatures “Fey beings” or something.  Whatever the hell they’re called, they’ve taken over every national and state forest.  The great lakes have goddamn sea monsters. Oh, and the entire state of California is completely overrun.  Like, the army had to go and evacuate the entire state.  That, of course led to a lovely housing crisis as the rest of the country had to pick up the slack.  And that, of course, just drove the economy into the dirt.  It would’ve caused another Depression if it weren’t for the magic.

But it wasn’t all great. Once all that came around, it spread like crazy. Suddenly a lot of the tech we had been dependent on for so many years didn’t work for shit, so a bunch of companies were all scrambling to develop something that could get communication up and running again so people could figure out what was going on. Then, a month or two in, suddenly HTC, of all companies, figured out how to make a cell phone compatible with magic. Infinite battery life, perfect cell service, and a whole ton of other features immediately jumped them to the front of the sales. Not that a lot of people were really able to do much with it at first, but that’s a long story. The point I’m trying to make is that ever since then, a lot of companies have been trying to adapt anything and everything to use magic instead of whatever it ran on before.

Oh yeah, did I not mention the magic?  The fucking monsters brought magic with them, so everyone forgave them for destroying the country.  Because that makes sense.  As soon as they discovered we could harness and actually use the magic, that turned the economy right back around.  Suddenly there were new products that worked with this mystical force – that we know nothing about! – instead of electricity or gas.  I’ve never seen weirder infomercials than the ones that have come out this year.  Is your KitchenAid not magical enough?  Try this one! It runs on unicorn tears!  Is your wardrobe just a little too ordinary?  Why not sprinkle all of your clothes with literal pixie dust!  God, it’s disgusting!  Like, seriously!  What is the point of that?  Especially when fucking goblin-imp-things are literally raiding neighborhoods and cities. The creatures have become such a menace that several states have declared everything from open-season on the fuckers to out-right martial law.  Local law-enforcement is totally out of its depth.  They brought in the armed forces, but even that wasn’t enough after a while.  Finally, they had to start accepting help from...  outsiders.

It’s also been kinda weird getting used to the, uh, new neighbors. I’ve gotta tell you, as chill as elves are, they suuuuuper don’t get the concept of paper money. See, they use gold and gems as currency. And it was honestly hilarious to watch the government try to figure out the conversion rate from the dollar to precious metals and gemstones. Basically everything about our society is completely different now. And while it’s been a little rough on me, I’m mostly just excited to see my craziest dreams possible now!

And that’s when this turned into a real nightmare.  I could live with all of that if it weren’t for what it did to every goddamn normal thing in the world.  I’ve worked for the same company for almost seven years.  It’s an advertising firm and it’s a great job!  I worked my way all the way up to VP!  I was Olivia fucking Masters, the head of the social media department!  I helped companies sell shit diet plans to millions of unsuspecting American citizens! Do you even know how much money you can make advertising for diet plans?  Hint: a fuck-ton.  It was amazing!  I could have retired at the age of forty and then gone to travel the world.  I could have had a villa in Italy!  But all of that’s gone now!  All my work, my plans, my job… the entire company went under. The execs just couldn’t get on board with all the new products coming out.  And strangely enough, when you’re advertising a gross shake and someone else is selling fucking miracle mermaid oil that’ll make you beautiful in a week and act as a love potion, it makes things a bit more difficult.

Oh yeah, I’m Tyler, by the way. Tyler Masters. You might know me by my gamer tag, MasterTyFighter. I was a competitive Overwatch player back before the Convergence. Yeah, yeah, my Tracer game was awesome, I know, let’s keep it together. Back to the main point, given the events of the last year, you could say it was… challenging to keep up my pro gamer status. Especially because almost no one could get internet access enough to keep up with my streams, and I think the coach’s house got raided by goblins… long story short, it’s a mess. But once I was done being bummed about that, I realized I had a chance to git gud! I went out and grabbed a few enchanted weapons (they’re a lot easier to find than you would think, and disturbingly affordable). Then, I got to training. My best weapons right now are bow and arrow (filthy Hanzo main) and spear, but I’d like to think I’m pretty good with a lot of them! So now, I go to set out on my most dangerous quest yet: conquering THE BEAST! But will I make it out alive…?

So basically I’ve been out of a job for… a while.  And then, today my idiot twin brother shows up and parks a fucking RV on my lawn.  I need a drink.