#let this be a lesson. never procrastinate ever

[onefey]

@facesofevilzine volume 8 is officially out, which means i can share my piece!! what if lynels were friends... wouldn't that be a beautiful world...

go download the zine! it's free! do it now!!!

bonuses under the cut:

an early draft of the sketch (it felt too crowded so i shifted things around in the final piece,) a rough draft of the symbol on the lynel champion's saddlecloth, and my silly colorpicking doodles ^_^

[houseofauggie]

Yandere!Neytiri (+ Jake)

Neytiri’s distaste for humans begins and ends with you. She hates humanity for how they treated you but she adores you endlessly. 

She wasn’t initially so kind to you. Not when you started by trespassing on what she considered her territory. After capturing you, however, she softened and would go against Eywa to keep you as hers. 

That’s when she developed her yandere tendencies, she never displayed them prior to meeting you. 

Now though, she refuses to let you out of her sight.

In the beginning you managed to escape twice, caught both times and the punishments weren’t pretty. The first time Neytiri was more lenient and you were only sore when sitting for about three days, though she kept you in her sight and her hands constantly on you for weeks after that.

Your second escape came around the time she started letting her guard down, a mistake she would only make once. 

You managed to evade her for two weeks during that attempt, hiding in abandoned RDA facilities. 

When she caught you, she made sure you learned your lesson, going way beyond the bounds of her first punishment. In fact, she didn't even stop when you cried your first tears. 

After that, something in you broke and you clung to her with every fiber of your being. The way she truly craved.

+ Jake

She’s managed to keep you hidden from Jake thus far, but in the case that he finds out: expect twice the trouble. 

Eywa help you if you ever manage to escape. They'll never stop searching.

hello again i am back. lemme know if you guys would enjoy a part two of reader's escape attempts bc i wanna write them 🥹 anyways take this shit headcanon while i procrastinate on both my meet the oc post and my homework 🙃 which will i do first? we shall see.

as always, requests are open and encouraged bc I am a fiend for other peoples creative thoughts :) yes I will use both emojis and emoticons together, fight me.

august xx

[mycupofrum]

Professor Black

Summary: 18-year-old James Potter is completely crushing on his 30-something English teacher Sirius Black. It's a good thing no one will ever find out that James writes his fantasies into smutty short stories. That is, until he accidentally emails one of them to his teacher instead of the essay he was supposed to submit.

Rating: Explicit

A/N: Written for @prongsfootbingo prompt "Good boy, James."

Note: Age gap. At the beginning of the fic, James is 18 and Sirius in his late 30s. Teacher and student scenario (kind of).

Read on AO3. Snippet below.

__

Dear Mr Black,

Please find my essay "The symbolism in the Picture of Dorian Gray" attached to this email.

Best regards,

James Potter

James clicks on Send and closes his laptop. He's been procrastinating on his essay all week because he wants it to be outstanding, not just above average. He is confident in his ability to pass his A-level English with a decent grade, but more than that he cares about Mr Black's opinion of him.

Something about his teacher just makes him want to overachieve. He yearns for Black's approval and strives to make him smile in each lesson, which is more said than done given the man's no-bullshit approach towards students. Or, James is an 18-year-old young man completely crushing on his 30-something English teacher.

To deal with his crush, James writes stories, mostly daydreams about how he would seduce his teacher or vice versa, and they would have private lessons where Sirius Black taught James all about body language.

It's a complete fantasy, of course. Something that is never going to come true. He even uses fictional names for good measure. No one will ever find out about his dirty thoughts put into words, so it's not like there's anything wrong with that, right?

__

A week later, Mr Black returns the students their essays at the end of the class. James watches as his classmates receive their papers one by one, until he is left alone in the classroom with his teacher.

James gulps. This is almost like one of his daydreams that he wrote about earlier, when his mind wandered, and he let his imagination run wild.

Finally, Mr Black hands him his essay without a word. James glances at it, realising with horror his error.

It's not the essay.

__

Read more on AO3.

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Someone asked me lately about Elfhild, Théodred's mom, and I'm procrastinating from other things so I wrote a ficlet (600ish words) about her. The summary of my Elfhild HC is that she was a musician/maker of instruments who was chosen to marry Théoden. They did eventually fall in love, and she was thrilled to be pregnant. But toward the end of her pregnancy, she was given some foresight into her impending death in childbirth. So I wrote this about how things went for her after she had that premonition, which she didn’t share with anyone else. Anywho. Here it is, the impulsive product of procrastination from other things!

***************

Elfhild thought first to tell her son all the most important things he would need to know about his life. That duty would always have to come first, but he should take care to find a refuge from the burdens of that duty. That history and tradition were valuable, but he needn’t be afraid of trusting his own instincts. That he would face many challenges, but if he treated others with kindness, he would have many allies to help him. She rushed through her lessons, determined to give him all the wisdom she had about how to make his way in this world that he wasn’t yet part of.

As time grew short, she decided many of the most important lessons were ones he would need to learn on his own, and so she began to tell him instead about herself, sharing things he might not ever hear otherwise. The words to songs that she had written just for him. How gazing at the stars and picking out shapes and figures in the night sky brought her peace and calm after difficult days. That she was proud to have a skilled trade that could have supported her in comfort even if she hadn’t simply been passed from one noble family to another. That although she loved his father deeply and would choose Théoden now without hesitation, she still wished she had been given the choice back when it mattered most. 

The end came ever nearer, but she always had more yet to say. Even as she struggled with aching joints and sleepless nights and painfully stretched skin and a constant burning in her chest, she begged him to stay with her for just a little longer. To let her endure the discomfort so that she could finish telling him all the things she needed him to understand. That she was infinitely grateful for the months they had shared. That she loved him above all else. That she wouldn’t regret giving her life for his. That none of this was his fault. Even if he could never remember what she said, she hoped that he would somehow still know in his heart that she had said it. And so she kept talking, resting a hand gently where she guessed his head to be and praying that the sound of her voice would reach his little ears. She talked to him until she no longer had breath to form her words or fill her lungs or keep her life. 

It was nearly forty-two long years before she would be able to speak to him again, and still she regretted that it was so soon. She wanted more for him, and the news that he was expected shortly brought her joy and sadness in equal measure. 

She took up an anxious watch, uncertain how to recognize someone who had spent his entire existence beyond her view. Someone whose history and fate were yet a mystery to her. Someone who would now be a man, tall and strong and proud and so different from the glistening infant she had barely glimpsed through the haze of her final seconds of life. But when he came at last, she knew him in an instant by the easing of her heart. The feeling of wholeness again. And when she called his name and he turned in her direction, she saw the light of recognition in his eyes, too. I know your voice, he said. Somehow I’ve always known it. 

The sound of his own voice was deep and warm and so much like his father’s, and she wept to hear it for the very first time. And then she sat by his side, this beloved stranger who had once been a part of her, and she held his hand and smiled and listened while he told his mother all the most important things she would need to know about his life.

***************

So those are my Elfhild thoughts. If you've read my Théodred stories, you’ll see that huge parts of his character directly reflect the stuff Elfhild expresses to him here (in some cases, he literally echoes her almost word for word) because he really did hear her, even if he never could have articulated it as such.

[ad0rechuu]

NO MORE TOMORROWS. ━━ LUCIFER

prompts / plot. ━━━━━ your return should be a joyful one, instead it’s an one way to heartache for everyone, especially lucifer

*𖤐₊ ━━━━━ gn! reader x lucifer , angst / hurt , staring: all the obey me characters but mainly lucifer, solomon and mammon , tw: just pain! set after an alternate version of obey me night bringer lesson 11, so spoilers but it’s an au so nothing too major imo, death, they/them used , wc: 1118 , notes: i’ve had this idea since it came out but i finally stopped procrastinating and finally did it !

[ listening to . . . ] take me down by the rose

masterlist | credits to @ari-shipping-stuff for being my beta reader / writer <33

IT WAS SO INCREDIBLY TIRING.

Another bleak day without you or that damned sorcerer and Lucifer could feel himself nearing closer to the edge with each passing hour, waiting for the tomorrow you’d show back up with a smile.

Everyone was worried about your sudden disappearances without any trace, but life had to go on whether they liked it or not

Lucifer rested his head on his fist as he took notes of the repetitive student council meetings that Diavolo had requested, trying to avoid the sight of your empty seat.

The prince was aware that no one felt like doing it (hell he could barely fake a smile himself) but you being missing didn’t make it okay to neglect the Devildom or RAD, which everybody clearly agreed with in their begrudging attendance.

Suddenly a gust of wind made everyone look up in confusion, covering their eyes, when a bright flash of white light and the sound of a portal being opened surprised them.

There Solomon was, he looked like a mess clutching your body in bridal style as he stepped out of the portal, head hanging low.

Before anyone could say anything, he shocked them again

As soon as he was on solid ground he dropped to his knees, making sure to put your body down gently and cradled your hand to his lips with his own shaking ones. Tears streamed down his cheeks, a sight that was less than rare for the immortal sorcerer that always sported a smile.

Mammon was the first to speak up, standing up from his chair so quickly he pushed it over, he quickly rushed to the humans' side as he looked at Solomon. “What’s this? Where the hell have ya been? What’s wrong with Mc?” He urged Solomon with panic evident in his voice.

His words caused a chain reaction from all the brothers and Luke, talking over each other and surrounding the two as the sorcerer tried to cease the quiet sobs escaping out of his mouth.

“Silence!” Lucifer finally spoke up and made his way to the scene. At his words the six demons and the angel stopped talking, looking at their older brother expectantly.

“Solomon, what happened?” He asked in a uncharacteristically soft tone.

Solomon's head shot up, his whole demeanor changing drastically as he met Lucifer’s ruby eyes. The whole room noticed the ice in his glare. The still seated beings quickly got up, feeling a storm brewing.

Solomon softly let go of your hand and stood up, not breaking eye contact for even a second as he headed straight to the after of pride. “You…”

Suddenly, his hands clutched Lucifer’s collar in a burst of rage. “You did this to Mc! This is all your fault!” He screamed at Lucifer, shaking the demon violently.

Simeon and Barbatos quickly dragged the struggling sorcerer away from him before he could cause any real harm while the others watched in terror. They’d never seen Solomon like this before and it scared them.

To everyone’s surprise Lucifer did not retaliate. In fact he did not do anything but stand and stare at Solomon as he yelled the most crude things they’d ever heard at him.

Solomon finally stopped trying to get to Lucifer, wiping his eyes as he turned to him one last time with a disgusted look on his usually-smiling features.

“You killed Mc, Lucifer.”

A KNOCK ON THE DOOR of his bedroom shook Lucifer out of the deep depths of his own mind as he sat at his desk with a half empty glass of expensive aged demonus.

His first brother poked his head trough the bedroom door, unintentionally giving Lucifer a pity filled look.

“Can I come in?”

The question was unusual for Mammon, as he often opted to just burst in whether he had permission or not.

Lucifer nodded, and he walked in, tear stains on his face. He softly closed the door and took a seat on the empty chair in front of his older brother.

Mammon bit the inside of his cheek, deep in thought for a while. He looked down at his hands, playing with a loose thread on his jeans. “So I talked with Simeon who talked with, erm, Solomon.” The younger started but stopped to check his reaction.

He downed the last of the demonus as if to prepare himself for whatever was coming. (Which judging for Mammons demeanor couldn’t be good.)

“So? What did he say?”

“He uhm- No matter what, it’s not yer fault, Lucifer, you didn’t- I mean, it wasn’t you, at least not really-!” Mammon’s words did not comfort Lucifer in the slightest, especially when he kept cutting himself off. “You have to know that, you have promise not to blame yourself, okay!?”

He sighed at the ranting and the stalling, he couldn’t stand to wait any longer. “Just tell me, Mammon!”

The other demon looked at him with big eyes but slowly nodded.

“When Mc disappeared, they ended up in the past, our past to be exact. When we first came to the Devildom. Solomon followed them to help but the only way they could come back was if they reformed all the pacts they made with us seven. To make things easier Solomon told them to lie about being a demon. But the bond with us was so strong that they could still use the pact to command us. Which, they did and everyone found out the truth.”

He swallowed as tears started to well up in his blue eyes.

“That version of you was betrayed and angry. That Lucifer didn’t trust Mc after they lied, he felt threatened and in an attempt to protected us you…”

“I killed them.”

Mammon stood up, slamming his hands harshly on the wooden desk. “No, you didn’t! That was not you!”

“I killed them.” Lucifer stared blankly ahead, his face void of any sort of emotion, oddly calm in a way that worried the avatar of greed greatly.

Now Mammon started to full on cry, panicking at the sight and unable to do anything, his heart hurting for the demon. “Lucifer, please…”

Lucifer’s heart also hurt, he knew couldn’t promise Mammon anything.

This feeling, it didn’t even feel like a heartbreak, it felt like his whole body was pulled apart from limb to limb and thorn into little minuscule pieces. His head was spinning due to a horrible headache that he hadn’t felt before. His heart started speeding up rapidly as the gravity of the situation started to settle in.

There would be no days to look forward to with you in his arms anymore and there would be no more tomorrows with you.

“I killed Mc.”

notes. this is my first full one shot that i have posted on his account which scares me a little bit i really hope you will enjoy it and please leave a comment, i really want know how you’d (dis)liked it!

taglist. @sweatyjeans @tocupid @starryyunho | send me an ask to be added to the general obey me or kpop taglist (or both ofc)

[anonzentimes]

LONG ASS ASK INKOMING ZEN so its super cold in brazil today so typing is a little hard and there might be weird typos fkshdkjd but

when i was like 14 i had online friends that were also 14 and were into danganronpa but all they talked abt was the flaws of the series and how much they hated the more problematic aspects of it, it was a constant wave of gender discourse and sexuality discourse and nagito is a bad portrayal of mental illnesses and miu iruma is too sexual and this character is bad cause of xyz and that character is bad because of this and that and honestly whatever the fuck else you can argue about this series about, whenever i mentioned that danganronpa seemed fun and id like to get into it my friends would tell me that its not worth it, that the series is fucking horrid that i should run the other way and be glad i never entered the hellhole that is being a danganronpa fan

so thanks to this and like constant fucking weird shit coming out of the hell hole that is the fucking dr fandom on Twitter for like, four whole years I straight up didn't touch the series. a series that I was so fully aware that I would love btw, because i was always into gorey art and i found the art of dr so pretty and the characters had such intresting designs and the pink blood was so cool and i love the killing game genre and the mystery solving aspect, of danganronpa seemed so cool, i did not go near this series with a fucking 10-ft Pole

until literally maybe some months ago at 18 years old a streamer I like said on stream something like "oh yeah danganronpa is fucking awesome im so glad i played it" and I was like fuck it, this guy has high standards, if he likes it it cant be that bad. and so I downloaded trigger happy havoc and i was so pleasantly surprised by it, sure case 2 is a case that exists but like other than that i immediately fell in love with this franchise, i loved almost everything about the game, then i started sdr2 and nagito took over every single part of my brain within 0.2 seconds of gameplay AND DR2 IS SO PEAK JUST IN GENERAL udg was super fucking fun i love touko and komarus relationship and the warriors of hope so much, dr3 was awsome even if i didnt really care for future arc despair hope and 2.5 were awasome the end of drv3 hit me like a truck and it genuenly took me a couple hours to understand that my beloved class 77b wasnt just retconned out of existence and currently im trying to kill executive dysfunction and procrastination and read dr0 and again want to replay dr2 cause my hyperfixated ass would rather play the game when she should be alseep to know what happens next than play it when she isn't too tired to understand whats happening lmao

and after i was done with the series i sat down and thought about how i let 14 year olds on the internet who im not even friends with anymore keep me away from something that now i hold so dear and close to my heart, and i wonder how many people who would love danganronpa will never give the series a chance because not only does the wider interner find it cringe but the fandom constantly tell potential new fans to stay away and act like its the worst midea ever written, the way some people are unable to enjoy what they love without guilt is so sad because not only does it affect them but also others

and this is super personal but i wonder how danganronpa would have impacted me if i got into it back when i found out about it at 14, how much different having danganronpa to hang on to would have made my life when i was burning out at school because i was trying to survive neurodivergency hell with undiagnosed autism and possible adhd

dangabronpa is awsome i love it so so much

YOU JUST MADE ME FEEL SO UNBELIEVABLY YOUNG OH MY GOD. I HEARD ABOUT DANGANRONPA WHEN I WAS 11 I'M PRETTY SURE AHHHH HAHA!!! Overall I think this raises a good lesson that we should trust our guts and from our own opinions on media. Look into things you're curious about, learn if it's worth it yourself, and come to your own conclusions! I feel bad for those who never get to understand Nagito Komaeda, let alone know he exists. This franchise has some negatives but the positives outweigh the issues entirely to me and I wish people gave it more of a chance. dangabronpa is awsome INDEED lmfao.

[pomplalamoose]

to love from afar

🌛bonus chapter🌜

Master Luke Skywalker x reader

summary: An experimental continuation of chapter 1; explores the possibilities of your Master returning your feelings.

word count: 5,908

(basically a fan fiction for my own fan fiction, however if you'd like this to be the true outcome after the first part, you're welcome to of course <3)

read the first chapter here or on AO3🩵💙

You're sitting cross legged on your bed roll; facing you is a simple pair of black pants, neatly folded and looking very inconspicuous.

Yet you are staring at them like they caused you personal harm, like their burden is physically weighing down upon your shoulders.

Being very well aware you're being dramatic doesn't change the fact you have been procrastinating returning the pants, your Master was generous enough to lend to you, for nearly a week now.

The injuries caused by your embarrassing fall down a hill have healed nicely, only a few faint lines still visible where sharp edges cut deep.

And while you are very thankful for your Master's care and attention following directly after, your dreams now only ever circling around how he held you in his arms and briefly touched your cheek, you haven't dared to initiate any kind of contact since then.

When before you were shy and a little standoffish you are outright avoiding him now whenever you possibly can.

And although your heart aches with want and still you crave his praise, his good will, even a smile, you feel as though you would simply go up in flames should he ever bestow his attention upon you again.

The shame, after coming to the conclusion that he knew about your most intimate feelings, your thoughts and dreams all along, too strong to release into the Force.

And you tried. You really really did try.

It is delaying your training after all, keeping you up at night, sneaking up on you during meditation or dinner, haunting your every waking moment.

It's eating you alive and the constant fear that he too will sense this, should your mental shields crack, has exhausted you.

Breathing in deeply and then slowly out again, you make an effort to view your situation differently.

Master Skywalker is kind and understanding.

What are you so afraid of?

He does not deserve your fear.

All this time, it seems, he was aware of your crush that developed into more the longer you stayed with him and the others, and yet did he ridicule you?

Did he punish you?

Did he send you away? Did he tell you to let go of those feelings, make them out to be unbecoming of a Jedi?

No. Of course not. And, you tell yourself, he never would because that's why, among many other things, you would surrender your very being to him.

Even after your last conversation just outside his rooms, when he offered to work on your mental shields with you, he did not do so as a reprimand, but because he genuinely wanted to help.

And even though you sense his disappointment towards your current antics and failings during his lessons, he remains nothing but patient, allowing you to keep your distance, never overstepping your boundaries, not forcing himself on you.

He does not deserve your fear.

Not when he explicitly told you more than once how he cared and wished only the best for his students.

He must have known about your feelings for a long time.

So why would his stance towards them change now of all things?

With sweaty hands you pick up his pants, your heart beating fast as you press them to your chest and make your way outside to search for him.

When you carefully reach out with the Force to locate your Master's current whereabouts, you find your shields already lowered.

You sigh in defeat. Eventually you will have to ask him about his offer to work with you on that.

The afternoon sun is warming your back and slightly soothing your nerves as you make your way into the near woods where you suspect his presence.

Indeed, you soon are able to find him sitting in a small clearing, seeming to be deep in meditation.

At first you are relieved to have an excuse to leave again but then your stomach sinks; you don't know when you'll be able to gather your courage to try again, if at all.

The longer you avoid this, the worse it will get.

But interrupting now?

Maybe you could just place the pants next to him and then make for a run?

He would know, of course, who put them there.

Possibly he'd seek you out after.

No, you decide, it's better to get this over with and just wait until he has completed his exercises.

Nervously chewing on your bottom lip, lost in thought, you don't realize your Master's eyes lazily tracking your every nervous twitch and movement.

Neither do you see his lips curl upwards into a sly smile, or the momentary gleam in his gaze, uncannily resembling that of a predator ready to strike.

His voice, though, is warm and velvety soft, when he speaks, as if to not scare you away.

"Oh hello, what a lovely surprise. I hope I have not left you waiting for too long?"

Unable to do anything but stare, immediately having fallen under his spell again, you shyly shake your head.

Slowly extending his arm in your direction, he beckons you closer and of course you obey. You would never think of doing otherwise.

"I'm very pleased to see my little way ward sheep return to me. Sit with me, Padawan."

Doing as he asked, you awkwardly lower yourself to the ground some distance away, face burning as the nickname echoes in your head.

Your Master, however, does not seem satisfied.

"No, that will not do, Padawan. Do you wish to throw my pants across the clearing? I thought your manners better than that."

Patting the ground directly in front of his crossed legs, like someone would to lure a puppy, he looks at you expectantly.

In disbelief you can't do much but blink at him, sheepishly shuffling across the grass when he doesn't relent, eventually coming to a stop only a few meters away from him.

He shakes his head, again tapping the ground in front of him with growing insistence.

"M-Master...that's hardly-"

You stop mid sentence, suddenly not so sure if it'd be wise to openly question his wishes after basically ignoring him for a week.

Lowering your head you kneel where he wants you to, fussing about invisible flecks of dust in your lap, studiously doing the most to distract yourself from his broad chest right in front of your face.

With a deep exhale he unfurls his long legs, resting them on either side of you, strategically caging you in.

"Very good. Although it would have been easier to comply right away, don't you think, Padawan?"

Without waiting for an answer, he continues.

"Let's take a moment to practice, yes? I believe you will benefit from this greatly."

Then, abruptly pulling you out of your confusion, his voice suddenly turns commanding.

"Look at me."

Startled your head snaps up immediately and you're rewarded with a smile.

His commanding tone however, does not change.

"Hand me my pants. Good. Now say: thank you dear Master, for lending them to me."

"Th-Thank you, dear Master, for lending them to me."

"You are most welcome, Padawan. Repeat after me: Master, what could I possibly do to repay you?"

Is he teasing you? Blinking up at him you obey nevertheless.

"Master, what could I possibly do to repay you?"

For a long moment he has you pinned with his gaze, then leaning forward, his hair tickling your cheek, he whispers in you ear.

"Mmh aren't you lovely, Padawan. There are indeed a few things you could do for me. And you will, won't you? You are always so well behaved, always eager to please, isn't that right?"

Barely daring to breath you've grown very very still, your mouth hanging open slightly.

You must have fallen asleep earlier without realizing. This has to be one of your silly dreams.

Will he ask you for a kiss now? It would be so easy to oblige too, just a quick turn of your head and you'd be able to touch your lips to the corner of his mouth and then-

"Padawan. I asked you a question."

Oh. Maybe not a dream then?

"Uhhh yes, Master?"

Leaning back, he slightly tilts his head.

"You weren't listening."

It isn't a question.

Your thoughts temporarily strayed very far away and he knows, surely having a very good idea where to as well.

You briefly check your shields. They are down.

Damnit.

Avoiding his gaze you concentrate instead on the smooth skin just above his collar.

"I apologize, Master. It won't happen again."

You notice the way his Adam's apple moves when he huffs a laugh.

"It isn't wise to make promises one can't keep, my Padawan. But I will let you get away with it this time. Now, back to my original question-"

"I remember, Master!", you interrupt excitedly when the fog in your brain momentarily lifts.

"You wanted me to do something for you, did you not? Am I not right?"

"I guess I can let that count, yes.", he answers calmly, clearly amused at your sudden eagerness.

Determined now, to further please him, unbeknownst doing exactly as he foretold, you don't shy away this time, waiting for his directions.

This isn't going as bad as you feared!

Yes you embarrassed yourself many times over a span of what? Ten minutes? But you don't seem to be in trouble and that's all that matters to you.

You're rather stupefied when he gets up, suddenly towering over you.

Still kneeling on the soft grass you have to crane your neck to keep looking at him, not understanding right away he expects you to get up as well.

So when you simply remain at his feet he raises his eyebrows, his expression awfully close to the gentle exasperation you dislike so much.

"What is it, Master?", you ask, rather insecure now.

A sigh.

"When was the last time you had a full nights rest, Padawan?"

Furrowing your brow you try to think.

You find you don't know and neither are you able to comprehend why he's asking.

"M-Master? I don't think I understand, I-"

You break off when he leans down, taking hold of you under your shoulders and hoisting you up.

"I shouldn't be so surprised.", he says under his breath before fully addressing you once more.

"Come along, Padawan."

Humming softly to yourself you follow after him, still unsure of his motivations.

But now that he has mentioned it you realize you are very tired indeed.

Mmh, why did he ask about your sleep again?

You can't say you are able to tell, not when your limps are so heavy all of a sudden, your brain for once nicely quite and fuzzy.

Slowing down your steps to yawn, you decide to take a quick break; right over there that mossy spot looks very comfortable.

Your Master, however, seems to have different plans, swiftly taking your hand in his and pulling you along before you can sit down.

"Please, 'm so tired, Master!", you whine but are quickly soothed when he gently squeezes your hand and tugs you closer.

"Yes, my Padawan, I know. Just a few more steps, okay? See, we already made it out of the woods. And right over there", he points, "is where we want to go."

Reassured you happily follow after him, already too spaced out to worry about clearly being led towards his rooms, when you suddenly recognize your friends voice calling from afar.

"Master Skywalker!"

Sounding quite distressed, they quickly draw nearer.

"Master Skywalker, have you seen-"

Immensely relieved they are abruptly coming to a halt when they see your smaller figure close to his.

"Oh thank the Force you found them! They simply disappeared and we were so worried something had happened!"

In the distance you are able to make out your other classmates.

Are they talking about you? Why are they so worried? How could anything have happened to you while you were with your Master?

You swiftly dismiss your questions when you hear his calm voice responding, your friend evidently relaxing as well.

"Everything is alright now. I will look after them and make sure they get the rest they need. You may let the others know as well."

Absentmindedly nodding along you are simply content to hold your Master's hand.

This is wonderful. You wouldn't mind this moment lasting forever.

"Of course, Master. Is there something, anything, we can do to help?", your friend asks, eyeing you suspiciously as you cling to him, possessively hugging his arm to your chest.

You giggle.

In hindsight you'll wisely acknowledge that sleep deprivation is not a good look on you and so are eternally thankful for your Master's patience, who simply smiles and shakes his head to send your friend on their way again.

"Come on now.", he then says to you.

When you eventually arrive in his living space, he makes you sit on his comfortable cushions again.

"I will be right back, don't leave!", he tells you sternly and you hear him tinkering around in his kitchen.

That's also about the last thing you perceive, because then, quite surprising yourself, you are pulled into a deep and dreamless sleep.

***

When you slowly return to the world of the living, you have no idea where you are.

Neither do you know for how long you were out, nor what day or time it is.

It´s very quiet but somewhere, in the distance, running water is audible.

Spotting a window, you climb out of the unfamiliar bed, you were resting in, to look outside.

It seems to be late in the afternoon, close to dusk and you spot a few fellow students working in a pretty little garden.

One sees you as well, waving cheerily and you relax again, returning the greeting.

Good news: you are not on a foreign planet like you momentarily feared.

That'd be rather stupid too. Force, what is wrong with you.

Surely someone has to be around, making dinner or tidying up after their training, who you can ask how late it is.

However peeking out of the bedroom and then around the orderly near rooms, you happen upon nobody. Strange.

Normally most of the Padawans spent their early evening inside their quarters and yet there is nobody to be seen, not a sound to be heard.

Even the water, you suddenly realize, has fallen silent.

You can't even tell who lives here, a very obvious lack of personal belongings, like a cloak or a light saber, confusing you.

Deciding to quickly check out the missing rooms before heading out, you make your way down a short corridor and throw open a door to the left.

Only to be faced with your very wet, very naked Master.

The shriek leaving your mouth, rivals that of a krayt dragon going in for an attack, only rising in volume when your Master steps towards you, not even remotely bothering to cover up.

Without thinking you slam the door shut in his face, continuing to screech.

The picture of his nude body burning itself in yor brain not even close to calming you down.

"OH MY GODDDD!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!"

In your shock you inadvertently fall back on your home planet's way of speaking, releasing a wild string of curses that your mother definitely would not approve of.

You can't believe that just happened.

This is horrible.

This is way worse than anything that ever happened to you in your life before.

Faintly you can hear laughter before the wooden door opens, revealing you Master. Still gloriously naked.

Screaming yet again, you quickly shield your eyes like you would to block out the sun, the sight of him too much to endure.

"Cover up. PLEASE!!! Jesus Christ."

"Oh gladly.", comes the amused voice of your Master.

"You will have to step aside though, I don't keep my clothes in a bathroom. Do you?"

You feel him placing two warm hands on your shoulders to gently steer you out of the way.

"No! Of course not!", you reply, your voice a tad too loud.

"I'm very glad to see you out and about again. And you seem to be doing much better too.", he says conversationally as you hear his footsteps proceed away from you.

How is he so calm?????

Peaking through your fingers and then fully lowering your hands when you realize he stepped out of sight, you release a breath.

"Master, I'm genuinely sorry for raising my voice at you just now. And also horribly so for catching you off guard.", you blurt out, feeling like you might burst from sheer embarassment alone.

His answer is another laugh.

"Oh really? I´d say you were the one caught off guard, not me. I was very well aware you were coming my way."

You are scandalized, your heart still racing.

"But why didn't you say anything?! You could've locked the door or told me off, Master!"

"And withhold you from learning an important lesson? I don't think I ask too much, my Padawan, by expecting you to sense other people in a building."

"B-but Master! I- That´s not fair! I was still half asleep, I-"

Entering the corridor he fixes you with a stern look you would normally quiver under but right now...

Without meaning to your eyes lower to where a pair of still open pants are hanging from his hips, revealing...quite a lot.

Horrified you immediately tear your gaze away, your cheeks heated and burning.

"M-master, please, this is hardly appropriate."

Only when you hear the rustling of fabric and then a zipper do you dare to look at him again.

To your dismay he chooses not to put on anything else, instead moving around you and leaving you standing there like rooted to the spot.

"No, I will not put on a shirt.", he says over his shoulder, answering your unspoken question.

"This is my home and I quite enjoy relaxing after a day full of work too."

Turning to to look at you, he motions you to follow.

Then

"You seem to have a different opinion after sleeping in my bed for over a day? Care to elaborate?"

That stings but you're too stupefied to answer.

You slept in HIS bed, in his actual bedroom and didn't even realize?

He laid you down IN HIS BED?

Yes exactly, you remind yourself, and as if that alone wasn't enough you thanked him by walking in on him just stepping out of the shower, disrespecting his privacy and getting an eyeful of his big-

"Shields up.", comes the stern command.

"I am far from insecure but some things I'd rather my Padawan not think about too intensively. Even though I´m quite flattered, of course."

You hear the smirk in his voice but the shame you managed to keep at bay since finally getting some rest, comes back with full force; your eyes are burning and you turn away so he does not see your face.

As always you can't hide your feelings from him though and immediately hear steps moving towards you.

But oh, you try.

Pressing the heels of your hands tightly over your eyes like a petulant child, you simply avoid to grant him a look at you, even when you feel him gathering your head between his big palms.

"I apologize, Padawan. I'm an awful tease and I took it too far this time. You have every right to be upset with me. Please don't take this to heart."

His thumbs start to caress your cheeks, wiping away stray tears that somehow made it past your hands.

"I truly am sorry. It was not my intention to make fun of your weakness or the feelings you may have regarding me."

Gently he maneuvers you to sit, and, kneeling before you, he pulls your stubborn arms aside.

At first you try to struggle but then quickly give in, his strength far exceeding yours.

"Yes that's it, good girl.", he murmurs.

"I promise that nothing I said came from malice or was meant as an accusation. In truth I did not know how to approach you about a certain topic and I misspoke. Can you forgive me?"

You nod, and the smile he gifts you for an answer makes your heart skip a beat.

He is so beautiful to look at, it hurts.

"I'm not.", you say sadly and he frowns.

"I'm not a good girl.", you explain.

"I- I try so hard, I really do, but I can't keep my thoughts and feelings separated from my training. And It's ruining everything! I simply can't concentrate anymore. I mess up every single thing I try. I'm a horrible disappointment! A hopeless case. And look what a mess I've made, I-I- how am I suppossed to ever look you in the eyes again?“

Hyperventilating , you have to break off and to your embarrassment start crying in all seriousness now.

This is not the first time that happened, of course, but it's different this time; your face is getting blotchy all over, your eyes are swelling and your body shakes with awful sobs you can't conceal.

"I don't deserve to be here.", you cry.

"Not at all. I will never become a Jedi, not when I'm blindsided by that silly, stupid, ridiculous crush. I'm even a burden to the others. I can't continue like this, I can´t! I should lea-leaveee!"

Your Master's expression, worried and compassionate before, now grows sad.

"Oh my dear Padawan, no. Don't speak ill about yourself that way. Come to me, let me hold you. Yes. Very good."

Pulling your trembling body off the seating cushions and arranging you in his lap, he gently presses you close.

"My sweet sweet girl. Hush now. Everything will be alright. It will all be okay. We will find a solution to this, yes? You are not alone and you are not a burden. To anyone. Do you understand?"

His words only make you cry more and you desperately sling your arms around his shoulders.

"Shh shh shh, I won't let go. I won't. I will hold you until you feel better, okay? You are not alone. It is important to me that you understand this. You don't have to speak, just nod."

Your face buried in the crook of his neck, you nod your head yes.

This you can do.

Anything he asks from you, you will give.

"Good. Very good.", he coos and then you are both quiet for a while; except for your occasional sniffles nothing can be heard.

You don't know for how long you two keep sitting on the floor of his living room.

It is like for one rare moment time has stopped and allowed you to simply exist in his arms.

Eventually the steady stream of your tears slows to a halt and you don't feel as miserable anymore.

Just empty and tired.

"Master?", you ask shyly, not yet daring to remove your head from his shoulder to look at him.

To your relieve, he doesn't insist on it and you can feel his chest rumbling when he hums in acknowledgement.

"You said there was a topic you wished to speak to me about?"

Apprehension sneaks up on you again as soon as you utter your question, your fatigue not hindering your mind at worrying.

After your emotional outbreak and everything said, will it even be relevant anymore? When it is unsure whether you might leave anyways?

"Yes.“, he answers

"I planned to after you found me in the woods but then you fell asleep as soon as I sat you down."

Your body grows tense and he reacts immediately.

"None of that. Don´t be afraid, I will not scold you. I'm simply worried. You have not been sleeping well for quite some time now, have you?"

He is worried? About you?

You bite your lip and shake your head no.

This seems suffice as an answer and your Master continues.

"Mmh I thought as much. As much as it hurts me to say this, I can't have you continuing your lessons like this, Padawan. You are bound to repeat accidents like the one last week and it's my responsibility to see that nothing happens to you. Especially now that you seem unable to do so on your own.“

At this you start sobbing again.

It is one thing to have thought about and suspected this yourself, but an entirely different one to hear your Master, the person you want to make proud above anyone else, coming to the same conclusion.

"I still believe that you are capable of becoming a great Jedi, make no mistake. This is not a race or a competition; you may take as much time as you need.

And that's what I believe you should do. Take time for yourself, Padawan. And, when you are ready, I will be more than happy to take you back on as my student."

You know he means well but your heart breaks all the same.

"Are...are you sending me away, Master?"

He sighs and briefly holds you closer.

"Yes...and no. In truth I am conflicted about it myself. Possibly putting a greater distance between this planet and me would be the wisest direction for you to take.“

He slightly has to speak louder then, to be heard over your helpless whimpers.

"But a very selfish part of mine does want you to leave even less than you do."

Raising your tear stained eyes to his, you look at him confusedly.

"W-what?"

Momentarily turning his head away, you see a muscle work in his jaw as he contemplates what to say next.

"I did not lie when I said I cared for you. I care for your wellbeing as much as for you as a person and I do not want harm to befall you any more than I want that to happen to the others.

However..."

He breaks off, thinks for a second before speaking again.

"In truth t has become increasingly harder to block your...thoughts."

"Oh no, Master, I'm so sorry, I'll make it stop I promise!", you cry.

"I-I didn't know this put a strain on you. I never wanted that, I never, I- I'll leave. I will! You will feel better then!"

You try to get up from his lap to do just that. Even with your mind reeling and body aching you are still set to remove his burden, even if it tears you apart.

Already you are planning what to pack and what to leave behind, your thoughts far away.

He is not letting go of you however, and you find yourself struggling against his grip more and more as sorrowful sobs spill out of you.

"Master, what- let me go. Please. Please don't make this harder than it already is. Don't hurt me so, please."

It's when he grips you around the waist and starts easily shaking your body like a doll, that you come to again, startling at his loud voice.

"LISTEN TO ME!"

Never before has he raised his voice at you or on anyone as far back as you can remember and you still, staring at him with wide eyes.

What did you do wrong? Never have you seen him this upset.

"Listen. To. Me. You misunderstand."

His laboured breath fans across your face, as he's wrangling with himself to calm down.

Then, suddenly leaning forward, he kisses you. Hard.

Caught off guard you let out an involuntary yelp but he doesn't seem to mind, instead jumping at the opportunity to enter your mouth with his tongue.

It's impulsive and heated and slightly disgusting, his lips meeting yours with such fervor, your head starts spinning.

You would have lost your balance would it not have been for how tight he is holding on to you and so you cling right back to him, holding on for dear life.

There are teeth and spit, his hands and his hot mouth all over you; it feels like you are being devoured, eaten alive, wholly and completely consumed by his burning desire, utterly hopeless at the face of it.

When he finally sets you free again, allowing you to suck in desperate gulps of air, you are a moaning, gasping mess.

Light headed and giddy you feel like you're floating.

Desperately wanting to be as close as possible to him, to feel him again, you try reaching his lips with yours but he withdraws, turning his head away abruptly.

"M-Master..."

"No. Don't say anything. Please."

When he looks at you again you notice he is out of breath as well, fixing you with a hungry gaze before reining himself back in.

"Your thoughts trouble me because I have grown fond of you myself. How can I distance myself from them, from you, when you cry out for me so sweetly? It is wrong for me, as your teacher and Master, to act on such urges and I apologize for doing so now.

Yet I do struggle. How am I supposed to look the other way when you are suffering and hurting not only physically but emotionally as well? When I know I could ease your pain with the simplest of actions? When all I would have to do is reach out and take?

Breathing in deeply he wipes his hand over his face.

"I won't let you leave. I can't. Where would you even go, all alone? You need someone to take care of you. You do. But I no longer can be your Master either."

At a loss for words you can only stare up at him, as he gently detangles your limbs from his and then quickly rises, leaving you behind.

Silence falls upon the room once again, but when before it was calm and comforting it is now pressing down on you, like it's stealing the air out of your lungs.

You want to run after him, call out for him, but, too deep in shock, your body simply won't follow your orders.

Outside the sun has long gone, darkness descending all around you.

You should go, you tell yourself, the only thought that rings out in the hollow of your heart.

But where to? Outside or away?

"I won't let you leave", you hear your Master´s words repeated in your head.

Then why did he leave you?

You don't have an answer for any of your questions, too numb and exhausted to care.

Slowly you get to your feet, carefully feeling your way through that dark.

Your hands reaching out, they make contact with what seems to be the entrance and you know you made it, are just about to turn the door knob when all of a sudden there comes a voice.

"Wait."

With a startled squeak you whirl around to be faced with a tall figure standing across from you; of course you didn't sense your Master's approach and your first instinct is to be horribly ashamed.

However that quickly fades, the least of your worries, when seemingly out of nowhere the room lightens up and you are able to see him fully, completely clad in black again, donning his robes like an armor.

Abruptly it feels like the last hours and weeks were nothing but a dream; as he stands there looking at you, he once again is the perfect picture of the strict and compassionate Master.

His suit and boots perfectly in order, his hair in place and his features calm and belying the emotions, he displayed just a few minutes ago, he looks like he did all those years ago when you saw him for the very first time.

That day, unbeknownst to you, but not to him, you fell in love.

And looking at him now you never were so sure you still are, the same feelings, that came to the surface upon your first meeting, clawing their way up with such force that it hurts.

He steps towards you then and you fight the urge to throw yourself at his feet, to apologize to beg, to cry, to worship, to do anything to convince him to let you stay with him. To make him allow you to exist in his presence.

He has too! He said so himself. He wouldn't let you go. He can´t.

"Master...", you breathe into the quiet.

"Not to you anymore.", he says with something akin to regret in his eyes.

"I have made my decision and it is final. You no longer are a student of my academy."

He might as well have punched through your ribcage, brutally ripping out your heart, tearing its strings; it would have hurt less than this.

You simply stare, too shocked to even cry. Your body reacts like under remote control, your brain shutting down.

"...I understand."

Quickly turning away you grab the door handle with desperate fingers.

You need to get out of here as fast as possible.

Not a single second longer will you be able to bear this humiliation.

The door, however, doesn't budge and it takes you a moment to realize it's because a big hand is easily holding it shut above you.

In an act of desperation, you reach for it with unknown bouts of desperation, gripping it tightly to rip it away, to let you free.

The hand surprisingly moves, but only to wrap itself around the back of your neck and turn you around, pressing you flat against the hard wood.

Your Master's stare is unwavering, sending chills down your spine, nearly scaring you in its intensity.

He lowers his head to speak into your ear, his voice husky.

"No. I don't think you do."

Stepping away and pulling you along, the grip he has around your neck leaves you no other choice but to comply as he finally opens the door, leading you outside.

As your chest quickly rises and falls with your attempts to gather enough of the cool night air, his demeanor gentles, his hand wandering up to stroke your cheek

"It has grown late. Go back to your room, lay down to rest. I expect to see you again tomorrow."

You bristle and shake off his touch.

"I- I don't understand. What- I'm not a student here anymore, I'm not your Padawan. You said you made your decision. That distance between us would be what is best."

He looks at you and at first doesn't respond, as if waiting for you to catch on.

You don't know what you are supposed to catch on to.

"I also said", he begins slowly

"that it is in no way appropriate for a Master to act on his Padawans's feelings."

You blink in disbelief, something that feels a lot like anger arising in your chest.

"Yes. Why do you have to rub that in? I understand. I UNDERSTAND you don't want me and you never will! You-"

With an exasperate sigh he tilts his head.

"Are you my Padawan?", he asks.

Too indignant to care about your manners, you wave your finger in his face.

"Well noooo, I'm not! How can you be so unbearable CRUEL, making me repeat it again and again and- oh."

Oh.

Leaning down he cradles your face in between his hands, leaving a lingering kiss on the crown of your head.

"Go to bed, sweet girl. I'll be here in the morning."

[rafipuff]

a thesis on my thesis

i cant wait to be done with this fucking school

approve my thesis, give me my bachelors and let me ouutttt

japanese lessons have been shit af this year because of a new revolutionary tool called flipped classroom where we have to study all the super advanced grammar ourselves at home, and the teacher can only explain something to us if we have a specific question :)

oh yes of course, let me ask you a specific question about grammar that i've never used :) worst teaching method i've ever encountered, if you can even call it "teaching"

also im kinda procrastinating on my bachelors thesis, i have like 10 pages but i need to write a LOT more with a lot of details and of course can't forget the citations :) so that's fun

sorry y'all for a negative post, im just a bit frustrated

anyways this helped, hope you have a great evening <3

[safiredreams]

Hi there! I saw your post on the birthchart and wanted to participate.

My question would be that what do i do to become less lazy and how do i project my best self?

I procrastinate so much, so what steps could I take to improve? Also will i ever experience teenage love?

That's it. Thank you for answering 💗

In my experience doing charts, lazyness can manifest itself when we are not following our life purpose. Veering off the path, following what other people want us to do rather than what feels right to us is when we start procrastinating. So I lik eto look at the Sun and Mars to see what's happening.

Your Sun is in Cancer which likes to nurture, it's sensitive and emotional so it likes to protect itself, home life is important to you. It's in the 6th house which is the house of service and daily routines, work relationships, pets... I think you would benefit if you can build yourself an actual routine that you follow regularly that makes you feel save and nurtured. An example would be drinking green juice in the morning (6th house), it will start your day fulfilling that part of you that craves health and nourishment and sets the days mood and energizes you. A gentle workout like swimming would benefit you too. Journalling to get all your feelings out can also be helpful for this placement. Also, this pairing points to you fulfilling your heart by taking care of others, simple things like baking some cookies for your friends, taking out the trash for your loved one. This will fulfill that part of you that wants to help others. Or volunteering with animals.

The Sun does oppose Jupiter, so sometimes you may get a massive boost in energy because you got excited about something new you want to do, but unless you can actually stick to it and see the whole project through then you will feel drained and bored again. Oppositions need to find a balance.

Your Mars might feel blocked though since it is conjunct with Saturn (blocks, hard lessons...). Mars in Virgo can already at times feel insecure, paired with Saturn it's a double whammy.

You should be really detailed oriented (6th house, Virgo energy + Gemini Mercury) but you can get stuck in those details and derail yourself into abysmal insecurities that others wouldn't even be able to see, so your energy drops and you start procrastinating. Your desire for perfection can be unhealthy and lead you into completely shutting down your creativity and not bothering with doing anything at all, because to you, if it's not perfect then it's useless. Stop thinking this way, perfection isn't real. Work on that.

Let's say you want to write a book, but you never start it because you think it will never be good enough. Start it anyway. That's the way things are created, by messing up, time and time again until finally something is made that helps not only you but perhaps people around you too.

I can't really give you a yes or no answer on your love question. Moon in the 7th house indicates relationships will be very important to you, but Saturn is there too and that sometimes indicates that romantic connections are more likely to flourish when you are more mature. You'll probably fall for people who are quite emotionally dramatic, playful but accomplished in some way.

Hope this helps.

[iwasthewind]

I have like 2 questions lol

Do you have any childhood Monoma hcs

What in the ever loving toast crunch is a "Spiral Cat"?

Anon, two hours after you sent this ask, I had half my answers typed out. A plethora of hcs. I giggled to myself as I tapped away. There was a wine glass filled with cranberry juice in my hand. (That was a lie. It was a normal glass with guava juice.) I was happily sniggering and wondering how I'd explain what a Spiral Cat is (is the name not explanation enough? It's a Spiral Cat/j) when something truly dreadful occurred- someone called my name.

I looked up, smiling, my phone in my hands. "I got you a new candle!" They said. I gasped, delighted.

I cleared the tab.

AFSHJSSKSKSK FORGIVE ME, HORROR SLOWLY DAWNED ON MY (BEAUTIFUL/J) FACE AND I STARED, APPALLED. THE LIGHT WAS SUCKED OUT OF MY EYES. MY SKIN TURNED SALLOW. MY BONES TURNED TO DUST.

I procrastinated after that, sorry agsjsjsnsk. Anyway, here you go!

Monoma was one of those kids who tried to act really grown up and it came off as just alarming and/or funny sometimes. He tried to use big words and sometimes either didn't know what they meant, or butchered them- you can guess how that turned out 💀. It's a habit that he didn't really grow out of.

I feel like Monoma really clung on to things that had little value to others.

He wouldn't let his parents discard dying plants, torn clothes, chipped vases or the like. "The plants can get better! The vase looks okay when you turn it this way! I can wear this shirt when I play in the sand!"

He'd get so distressed when they tried to argue that they'd relent every time.

As a result, current Monoma's room back home is completely cluttered with old things. The number of cupboards and drawers is ever increasing, but he refuses to part with any of it.

A handkerchief belonging to a friend-turned-bully. A broken fountain pen that used to belong to someone who was a friend before she moved away. Old notebooks filled with silly drawings and stories. His (now deceased) cat's old collar and toys that he refuses to let the current one use. A half painted vase. A stained friendship band.

Monoma had trouble retaining friends. He 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 them easily enough, but it was difficult to connect with him and they'd usually find someone they got along with better and slowly leave.

As a result, he got along well enough with everyone, but there were no actual, close friends in the picture and nobody to defend him when he really needed someone to. It got a little lonely sometimes. Until it didn't, because-

"It's just bread! Moron!"

A cat. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 Cat. It was an ugly tabby with claws and teeth that were too long, and fur that was too matted and dirty, and a hiss that was far louder than any he'd ever heard before. Everything about it was "too much-" her eyes were too dark, too cruel, she was too plain, too aggresive-

Cats scared Monoma, but for this one he felt nothing but pity.

"I got you bread, Tsundere. What- stop with the face. It's bread. B-R-E-A-D."

He didn't quite understand what trauma was, but he figured it looked something like this.

He never really managed to domesticate Tsundere, and even though he gave in to his parents' wishes and agreed to gymnastics and french lessons, he wasn't allowed to bring the cat into the house unless it rained or snowed.

The cat didn't care about such trivial human boundaries. It was their fault- why leave the windows open?

Tsundere, at this point, was too used to being called Tsundere and refused to respond to any other names.

She hated being touched too much and really was a Tsundere, but when Monoma was sick- it really wasn't too bad- she panicked, was inconsolable and remained pressed against his side, purring and trying to make him feel better. She did not make a move to eat for hours, not until Monoma forced her.

She died two years later (she was old) and it was Monoma's turn to be inconsolable.

Is this how you write hcs I've never actually done this before

Moving on

Monoma watched a lot of Ghibli movies when he was very smol, so most of them flew over his head

He really loved the aesthetic, though

He wanted to dress up as Howl for Halloween, but where could you find a Howl costume for a seven year old? Perhaps if you tried-

His grandmother cackled and dressed him up as Calcifer. He still has the costume.

I honestly feel like his parents were physically very present, but emotionally quite absent in his life. They were also overwhelmingly pragmatic sometimes.

"Consider it, Neito. It may never work out. You cannot become a hero with your quirk."

They never really taught him to socialize, or to differentiate between right and wrong. He had to navigate those waters largely on his own.

As a result, some relationships (platonic or otherwise) were pleasant, some were painful and some were just bland. All of them were learning experiences, though.

He has ADHD. He doesn't know it. His middle school teachers brought it up to his parents, who dismissed it with a flick of the wrist and "it's alright, he can manage."

He couldn't manage. An older Monoma with a diagnosis and medication was royally pissed when he found out they already knew.

"You could have told me! Do you think it was easy?! Do you know how many breakdowns I've had? The difficulties I ran into at school? The issues I've had with my self worth? Of course it's easy for you, but it was 𝘯𝘰𝘵 so for me!"

He loved sweet things with a burning passion

He read the first few chapters of Coraline when he was younger, and only touched the book again when he read it with Reiko in UA.

He accidentally ran headfirst into the world of fanfiction at ten, looked over the edge, underestimated the drop and jumped without a parachute.

He has AO3 (he loves it), Quotev (it's good), Deviantart(rarely uses it), Tumblr (meh, sometimes good) and Wattpad ("why do children keep coming here? I hate this").

Reads fanfiction (and writes it as well) but has a tendency to discontinue or have really long hiatuses

Setsuna keeps harping on and on about a wonderful fanfiction that the author discontinued. Monoma who forgot to update it one time and consequently forgot it existed:

She wasn't pleased when she found out

Oh shoot you wanted childhood hcs

What has this turned into

I'm so sorry I'm vv distracted rn but I feel like I need to post this already (it's been way too long ahzjakksk)

[alexandraswords]

F*CK NORMAL

An overdue ending to a (un)well decorated drinking career.

Introduction

Friday, June 9, 2023 9:28 AM

Today is one of those days where I am just tired, and a bit bored, but mostly tired. I am exhausted. Mentally at least. I have really been putting my all into my sobriety to the point where my day revolves around meetings but im starting to lose momentum. I have a headache, the dog wont stop barking, i'm trying to pop the zits on my face. Basically being alone with my discontented ass self is not something I'm great at... yet.

I should meditate or journal or text another AA member. But I just want to sleep and be normal and relax. But fuck normal.

I thought drinking was normal. I thought my diet of vodka and water and the occasional box of cheez-its was adulting. I thought I was mature and well refined and socially acceptable because I drank, just like everyone else, because, you know, drinking is normal... right?

Wrong. Not for me. I am NOT normal. So I have to do abnormal shit to keep my addictive eating disordered alcoholic riddled ass self sober and happy. I have to keep listening to other people because me making my own decisions landed me in a crack den sharing a room with a friend I would consider a sibling, whom which a fought with constantly to the point where I dragged the mattress from our third floor apartment (if you consider that uninhabitable shit hole, an apartment) down out side below out kitchen window so if I jumped maybe the universe would send me a sign saying that it is or isn't time yet. Okay so I didn't actually do that, but I sure as shit thought about it... a lot. Like a lot. I mean i couldn't even barely walk to the bathroom let alone haul some shit down the stairs. Hell, I wouldn't even walk across the street to get my own liquor. I would bribe my roommate by telling him if he went for me and took my card he could buy something for myself. I just didn't care anymore. I hated everything. I hated that I had to be loaded to be able to walk because my shakes were so bad. I hated that I had to drink to even feel sober and functional and not hallucinate and vomit and dry heave bright green bile. And worst of all I hated that I had lost control.

My eating disorder and my alcoholism made my reality disappear. The food temporarily until my life became a cage, and the nicest word I can think of to name it would be a vomitorium because it was actually that repulsive if you could see inside the walls of it. The alcohol took control over me so I didn't have to deal with food, but also made it so I didn't worry or care about ANYTHING. 

So I guess this is how I'm going to start this ... whatever rant of words form a book. Where I'm at right now. Because right now is all I have. Yes, I am in full self pity mode, but if there's one thing I've learned from AA it's that I need to take action, and never have I ever felt worse after going to a meeting. So,lets go fucking make our bed, and meditate or some shit and get ready for today. So, yeah, Fuck Normal.

So, Why the fuck not?

I got most talkative in fifth grade. The english section of my English SAT’s, I aced. People (my boyfriend) seem to like my writing and have told me If I don’t do something with it, then they’ll publish it themselves… which I’m pretty sure falls into the lines of plagiarism but lets be honest here. I am probably one of the biggest procrastinators when it comes to doing something that is actually good for me. Why? The fuck if I know. Maybe because all I’ve known has been chaos and panic since, like,  forever, that when it comes to the real things, like happiness and joy and pride in work that I’VE DONE… well, I'm just not used to that type of thing.  But I figured, fuck it. I can write a book. All i have to do is elaborate on how awesome I am at self sabotaging and add in some very few lessons I picked up and am still learning day by day. Basically I’ve decided its time to just put all my shit in one bound piece of parchment instead of having to explain my life story to everyone as if its my first day with a new therapist. 

But alas, melodramatic Alex is bored and avoiding meditating, to keep her shit together and be healthier, obviously,  because that would actually be beneficial to my well being. So for now i’ll just throw it in one of the corners in the back of my mind while it slowly simmers into a pot of anxiety attack soup while I try and explain to you (briefly before the pot starts boiling) how fucking insanely delusionally fantastically fucked my life is, and how I got here, and why I wouldn’t change one second of it for anything. But I mean, there’s forwards and shit in books right? So can this be like a PS after the main intro forward? ‘Cause This sober bitch has to go meditate before a meeting so I can stay mindful in my sobriety and not add homicide to my list of criminal activities. (That was a joke) So for now, just for today, Namaste Sober. 

P.P.S- enjoy the buffet of garbage that hopefully is not similar to mine. But if you can and most likely will relate if you’re reading this (most likely because my clever title struck a chord in your twisted little heart) then just know, you're not alone in this shit show, but no one ever really puts the shit show on the ‘gram now do they?

[myalchod]

20 questions for fic writers

Stole this from @backjustforberena because procrastination tastes delicious and also I love a good excuse to babble. Not tagging anyone else, but if you want to steal it and tag me in your replies, I'd love to read your thoughts in turn.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

110 currently.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

249,772. Which is a whole heck of a lot more than I ever thought I'd write. (70k of those were in the last year, which is pretty amazing for me when I think about it.)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At present, primarily Fate the Winx Saga, with a side of House of the Dragon on occasion. I tend to be a serially monogamous fangirl, but right now that seems to have an Eve Best asterisk. A number of others previously, most recently BBC's Musketeers.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Never and Always (Musketeers, post-S2 Milathos-centric canon-divergence AU, also the longest thing I've written for posting ... or possibly ever?)

A Pear and an Apple (X-Men comicverse, Kitty Pryde, for Jewish Comics Day)

Lessons (Musketeers prompt fic that just kept going; me writing completely against type except insofar as I am a people pleaser)

instinctively (FtWS, Silrah kink meme fill for a sex pollen prompt)

Show Me (Musketeers, Milathos sparring plus baby's first proper smut)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I'm consistently pretty far behind, but I like to try to show appreciation for the people who take the time to comment. (Whether I do or not, commenters are a gift and I love you all.)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh dear god. Considering my predilections, I'm not even sure what would win -- considering I've used the angst tag 26 times, there are definitely a few contenders (and in hindsight, there's things without that tag which could count). I think I'd probably put it as a toss-up between let's pretend i'm a man (because in my head it does not end well) and that thunder in your lungs (despite the tag I wrote later). (Despite the death count, I would not give it to who shall i say is calling?, mostly because canon?)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably gonna give that to the fading year. Is this in large part because of @anne-in-dreamland's ridiculously soft and gorgeous art for that last scene? Entirely possible. 💙

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Rarely. I feel like I write niche enough fandoms that it's not commonplace, at least. The occasional ones I've gotten have felt more bewildered than really hateful. (Hate commenting is bad, people. Do something better with your time.)

9. Do you write smut?

I didn't for the longest time, but was convinced to try in my last fandom and found I actually enjoy the challenge -- though I have to be in the right frame of mind and it has to fit what I'm writing. There's a puzzle to both the headspaces and the words, and I like trying to figure that out.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Also rarely. I have a couple that made it to AO3, and both were with the Sandman comics, which lend themselves well to that.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, which hopefully means never.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I'm aware of -- I don't mind the idea but find the idea of it being done without explicit permission to be unaccptable. (I've had one fic podficced, which was such a flattering request.)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Only one, for the March Madness challenge on the Winxsource server ... and I don't know if I'd call that co-writing given the blind activity and the crack. The two collaborations I have posted were for RBB, with some wonderful artist partners.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I refuse to choose. All of my idiot children are precious emotinally-constipated morons.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof. The easy answer would be Between Midnight and Dawn; the framework is all sketched out, but thanks to the circumstances I hit such egregious writer's block on it that I don't think I'll ever be able to go back and finish it. This makes me sad, because I've got some parts of future scenes written out that I love, and I very much liked the concept and that (entirely unplanned) AU and how it took on a life of its own, and the fandom was so lovely and supportive, but ... alas, no. On an unposted front, I'm beginning to realise I will probably never actually write the House of the Dragon AU where Rhaenys and Meleys limp home after Rook's Rest and everything changes as a result. Intentions good, but the distractions are infinite, and right now they show no sign of flagging.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that I handle emotional beats and introspection fairly well, and I enjoy playing with word choice and sentence structure -- which people respond to positively, so let's go with that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action, my behated. Extended dialogue, my equally behated. Plot, my kryptonite. And yet. (If you know, you know.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Depends on the length of it, whether translation is necessary (or the requisite understanding can be inferred), and how it fits. It has its place, but it has to be handled carefully or it can really be unpleasantly jarring.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek (TNG, mostly). In pencil, on notebook paper, starting in my preteen years, and lost to the ages ... which is probably for the best.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Once again, I refuse to choose, because I'm certain that once I do I'll think of another one I love. Each and every thing I've written has had a purpose: to get something out of my brain, to explore an idea, to push myself to grow as a writer ... As long as I got something out of it, and hopefully someone (or someones, even better!) enjoyed it, that's good enough for me.

[dorefasolsido]

35.

Habits

Do you tend to speed when you drive?

Not normally. I've learned my lesson with two speeding tickets (I overstepped the limit by just a bit) and I'm not giving my money to this country or any related institutions more than I have to.

Do you smoke cigarettes?

Nope. I tried one once just to see how it is and I hated it. Never felt the peer pressure either since most of my friends don't smoke.

Does your temper flare a lot?

No, when that happens you know it's serious since I really am super phlegmatic.

Do you get emotional easily?

Again, not too easily. I mean, I think I'm a fairly sensitive person deep inside, but there's no way in hell I'm letting other people see that side of me unless they are really close to me. And even then.

Do you get obnoxious when you're drunk?

I don't think so. I've never been 100% drunk, so I can't honestly say, but I think I'm kinda the same as I normally am, only more relaxed and fun. Like, I'm way less in my head and care much less about what other people might think about me, so I can talk more openly.

Which shoe goes on first?

I think I do the right first.

Are you lazy?

I probably am. Tbh, I'm a weird mixture of a workaholic and couch potato. I don't know how it works, but yes, I can procrastinate forever but I can also work 12+ hours when deadlines approach. And I hated those two weeks I was basically jobless this summer. Although at the same time, I love taking days off.

Name one thing you do that people always tell you about.

Mmm, nothing specific comes to mind right now.

Are you superstitious?

So listen, I'm not really superstitious, but I like my lucky charms and I find such things generally interesting. I think they're a fun part of the culture.

Do you get bored with relationships quickly?

Well no, but I also struggle with my avoidant personality very much.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?

Normally not, it's just comfier to have at least something covering you.

What position do you sleep in?

On the side (well, more like half stomach) without a pillow.

What do you do when you're angry?

Well, I usually go quiet and talk very little to others, especially those that pissed me off.

What do you do when you're sad?

Depends, if I'm alone then I just snuggle up in my blanket on the floor and watch videos or shows I find comforting. And preferably eat some chocolate.

Who do you call when you have a bad day?

I don't, I prefer to be alone then.

YOUR ABC'S

A - is for the last person that made you ANGRY.

My friend for not responding to a text for days. I'm not very demanding when it comes to texting, but geez, at least once in a day would be nice.

B - is for BEER you prefer.

I don't have a preference, beer is kinda gross. I still drink it sometimes because it's the easiest to order, but yeah.

C - is for do you have a CAT?

Yeees.

D - is for can you DANCE?

Lol, I don't know if I can but I love to.

E - is for do you have your EARS pierced?

I do, several times.

F - is for your best FRIEND.

Sam.

G - is for did you ever watch GUTS on Nickelodeon?

I've never even heard of it. But I didn't actually have Nickelodeon growing up.

H - is for the last person who HUGGED you?

I honestly have no clue who it was. I don't get many hugs, if that hasn't been clear lol

I - is for close your eyes.. what IMAGE do you see?

Like those weird star thingies you see when you close your eyes. And red blackness.

J - is for have you ever been to JAIL?

Nope.

K - is for when is the last time you flew a KITE?

I don't think I ever did.

L - is for the LOVE of your life.

Well if we don't count Park Jimin... which we don't because he doesn't know I exist, then no one.

M - is for the last piece of MAIL you got.

Probably some bills. I should check my post office though, I ordered something that should probably have arrived by now.

N - is for do you remember NERF guns?

I do.

O - is for do you OWN a car?

I don't yet, but my parents will soon give me and my sister their old car since they got a new one. So I technically will own one.

P - is for your favorite PASTTIME.

Doing surveys, reading, watching stuff on YT or wherever, scrolling through apps, etc.

Q - is for do you like peace & QUIET?

I definitely do. But I also like chaos.

R - is for do you like the color RED?

I'm okay with it.

S - is for how many hours of SLEEP you need to function?

My phone actually tracks that now, it turns out I get like 5.30h on average almost every day. And I feel totally fine with that, but I probably shouldn't.

T - is for what TIME is it?

1:19 PM

U - is for what is UNDER your bed?

Nothing, I think. I hope.

V - is for what you did last VALENTINE'S day.

Nothing, Valentine's is nothing special for me.

W - is for do you drink a lot of WATER?

Not as much as I should, though I've increased the intake a bit.

X - is for have you ever had an X-RAY?

When I was little yes, and also one for my wisdom tooth.

Y - is for the last person you YELLED at.

I actually have no clue. It's extremely rare that I yell at someone.

Z - is for have you ever watched ZORRO?

Nope.

RANDOM

Who do you wish you could hang out with right now?

Tbh no one right now. I haven't seen anyone aside from my sister for almost a week, but I don't really mind. I'm honestly just tired of always pushing for plans and waiting for people to answer messages and then them suddenly cancelling plans and so on and so on. So I decided not to bother this weekend and I just stayed at home.

Name one thing you absolutely can not stand.

Andrew Tate fans.

Where do you spend most of your time?

In my room, probably.

If you could fly, where would you go first?

Japan.

What was the best vacation you've ever been on?

Thassos in 2007, such fun times.

Have you ever hit a squirrel when you were driving?

No, and I hope I never do.

Did your car ever break down?

One time I think something was with its battery while I was driving, but we resolved that.

What's your favorite thing to do on the weekend?

Hang out with my friends, which is why they piss me off so much with their constant indecisiveness and inability to get to their damn phones and answer. Actually, I know they are on their phones, which only makes it worse.

What radio station do you listen to most often?

I don't normally listen to the radio unless I'm in the car.

Pick one: Papa John's, Dominoes, or Pizza Hut.

I've never tried any of these.

What is the longest amount of time you've been awake?

Like hours? Idk, less than 48, more than 24.

What would you do if you found out the world was ending in one week?

Lol I don't know. I guess I'd follow the development on social media or something. Also, I'd just quit all of my jobs and do nothing all day.

Do scary movies make you paranoid when you watch them alone?

No, or at least not seriously paranoid. A little bit, yeah, but that's exactly the charm.

Name one thing you've lied about recently.

I'm not sure, it was probably something really small and silly. But I always lie about the smallest things because it's more convenient or because I don't want the other person to feel bad or whatever. Like, for example, if I make plans to meet with someone and wait for a long time, when they ask me how long I've waited, I just say 5-10 minutes.

What is the worst movie you've ever seen?

I don't know, because some movies are so bad they are good. I'm trying to think of one that really pissed me off, but nothing comes to mind right now.

Who was the first person to ever give you flowers?

Not sure about the first person, but one friend gave me a sunflower for my birthday which was super cute but I made it super awkward and I still hate myself for it lol. Tom, I'm sorry, man.

[visible-artist]

(rant)

hi. so it’s been two..three..years, i think? holy shit. the person who’s reading this probably has no idea who i am, and thats fine, i just need to let this out.

tbh i’ve just suddenly remembered this account after procrastinating on my assignment by rewatching every sanders sides video after not engaging with the media for since i left.

ok jk i think about this account every day, i also think about my deleted instagram account that i deactivated after reaching an art block everyday. (it seemed like a good idea at a time, but now i’m devastated, i was literally at my peak at the time, and thomas himself had been following me, but oh well) lesson learned: i’m never giving into art block ever again.

but as for the reason for my art block… it was this. i don’t even remember anything anymore from that era but i did remember having an inconsistent schedule and using all the energy i had when i had it, which is INSANE —because i was only fourteen. the upside had been my skills increasing a drastic amount, but i literally couldn’t bring myself to post anything anymore and my motivation for drawing was practically non existent. (FOR TWO YEARS)

obviously there were many factors that added to my art block, but i guess this had been the main one. what’s ironic is that the thing that morivated me to start posting again was finding my old fanart from this account (i popped off ngl, almost got emotional) i may not have gotten a shit ton of following or interactions, but just seeing the amount of creativity and passion i had made my month. (and I needed this, so much)

this post is kind of a mess… i’m honestly just typing what’s on my mind right now. i just really missed this account. and i’ve started a new one on ig: @kozuwinx for anyone who wants to support me there, i would really appreciate it.

i dont know if i’ll start becoming active on this account, i’m getting pretty busy with school now too, and i don’t want another replay of burnout…still, i’m so grateful for everyone who supported me here, even if those who did probably don’t remember me now. (and i won’t blame them tbh.)

i just wanted to say thank you i guess, and share this story to anyone who might be struggling with the same thing. i don’t know how to end this but this is it. love ya all ✌🏼

[lunettavalon]

I procrastinated a lot today and didn't get half the things done I wanted to. I felt really stupid and guilty and like I'd let everyone down—not least Cerridwen, who likes commitment and hard work.

I sent out a thought to her - "I'm sorry I was so lazy today. I don't know why, I don't know what's wrong with me."

I immediately hear back - "There's nothing wrong with you. You never asked for help."

Right. I never prayed or asked for help once today.

I've been getting into the habit of praying for help or support every day, whenever I need it. Big or little. I've never been a big pray-er, so I was as surprised as anyone when I finally got over my "Why would the divine care about little old me" complex and, what do you know, praying actually helps enormously.

I didn't let anyone down. I only let myself down by expecting myself to Be Strong and Power Through and Never Bother Or Rely On Anyone Else Ever Ever Ever.

Silly.

Anyway. Maybe today was useful after all. A big old lesson in letting go of my pride and ego and asking for help - human or divine!

[thehermitscrossroad]

Reflections on Turning 28: Lessons from a Year of Transformation

How a Year of Heartbreak, Healing, and Growth Transformed My Life at 28

There are moments in life that bring us to our knees—moments that shatter our understanding of who we are and what we want. Last year, I found myself standing at the crossroads of one of these moments, feeling lost and broken, yet knowing that something profound was about to change.

I’m turning 28 today, and as a birthday gift to myselfI thought I would come back to writing as one of my favorite mediums of expression. While this new year approaches, I find myself looking back at where I was a year ago. I've just re-read my journal entry from September 03, 2023—a day when I was on the brink of a massive shift, contemplating leaving my partner and embracing a stoic mindset.

In that entry, I wrote about the crossroads I found myself at—my relationship was unraveling, and I was trying desperately to embody a stoic mindset. I wrote about not letting external circumstances dictate my happiness, yet in those moments, I remember feeling completely overwhelmed by sadness. It was a time of surrender, calling on the power of Hekate, the goddess of crossroads, to guide me through the uncertainty. Despite my efforts to stay stoic, I was drowning in the emotions that needed to surface—a process of letting my ego die.

Less than a month after writing those words, I realized that the stoic discourse I clung to wasn’t strong enough to handle the reactions I was about to have. I saw my partner again and felt an immediate aversion; I wrote that his presence took my peace away and did not encourage my growth. But, looking back, I see this was my ego speaking—searching for someone to blame for my unhappiness, procrastination, and discomfort. I was running from my pain.

This all escalated into one of the messiest breakups of my life, pushing me into the darkest mental space I’ve ever experienced. I was shaking, my mind overwhelmed with violent thoughts, and my heart felt shattered when I saw, through my cat camera, that he had moved someone else into our home the same day I moved out.

Even after enduring the messiest breakup of my life and finding myself in extreme situations, clarity emerged from the chaos. During those 'tower card moments'—times when everything seemed to crumble—I discovered these important truths:

Honor Your Boundaries: Do not let people step over your boundaries, or they will continue to do so. Love doesn’t mean allowing someone to cross lines that you aren’t ready to cross.

Trust Your Gut: Always listen to your gut feeling; it’s never lying. People may try to convince you otherwise, but if something feels wrong, it's your higher self trying to save you from greater pain. Ignoring it will only lead to a harder crash.

Recognize and Release Negative Triggers: When someone triggers negative emotions, they may be mirroring something within you, but that doesn't mean you should stay in a harmful place. It’s dangerous for both you and them.

Embrace Dark Feelings, but Don't Dwell: It’s important to accept dark feelings and emotions without letting them consume you. Staying in them too long can cause harm to yourself and those around you.

Know That This Too Shall Pass: Even in moments of deep hurt and loss, remember that every storm will eventually clear, just as it has before.

I wrote in my journal about how, in the future, I would be more connected with myself. And now, looking back, I see that I was right. I’m in much greater alignment with my inner child, doing what I truly enjoy, and no longer trying to be the perfect version of myself for someone else. I am simply being me.

I also learned that dark and even violent circumstances can bring wisdom. For someone who has been passive with others and life, this chaotic experience taught me:

Bravery: I realized that I have a strong spirit. When the storm comes to my door, I can stand up and fight my way through. We all have a badass inside of us, ready to stand up for ourselves.

Patience with Myself: It's been a whole year, and I still get flashbacks from that traumatic experience. But now, I embrace those memories with love, knowing they are part of my story and have made me wiser. Time is a construct, and healing takes as long as it needs; we must be patient with our unique process.

Art, Writing, and Creation as Healing: I’ve found that creating—whether through art or writing—helps me process and release heavy emotions. It lightens the load on my mind and spirit.

Embracing Impermanence: Every experience that breaks our ego is sacred. It teaches us that nothing is permanent, and we must embrace life's impermanence as a beautiful aspect of our existence. The best things are happening right now, not in the past or the future. Don’t let your goals for the future keep you from enjoying today, no matter how humble today may be.

While the past year was marked by loss and turmoil, it was also a year of profound growth. As I step into 28, I am grateful for the clarity that has come after the storm. Every challenging moment holds a lesson if we are willing to look for it. Today I hold myself with much more clarity in my being, deconstructed dreams that were truly never mine and having days filled with peace and love for the existence I behold.

What lessons have your storms taught you?

This is my first time posting in English in a long while. Most of my writing and content is in Spanish because of where I live, but English was actually my first fully developed language. I’m excited to embark on this journey of sharing my stories and insights on tarot, astrology, and magic with you. I have a substack if you are interested: