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#let me know if u want smth else!!!
sacrificialflowers · 4 months
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ezekiel cuts his eyes over to the other in the shop, slow & deliberate movements as he cuts over fabric, moving sewing needles & thread off to his side table. the atmosphere is icy, & he is not pleased with their presence there. today, he thinks the sky has peeled open to reveal the nothingness behind their world ; he thinks the other only serves purpose as a void. " you look well. "
starter for @r3dblccd .
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crow-quet · 8 days
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rarishy kid? ✨🦋
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rarishy!!!!! <3 i love this one so so so much and i adore their vibe so much!!!!! this one was such a fun one and i did a lot of playing with colors !!!!
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puppyeared · 11 months
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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hurglewurm · 1 year
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me: keeps drawing random one-off fanarts from things that aren't currently big at all
also me: why no notes on my arte
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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ཻ۪۪♡.
#i want to learn how to vent healthily#bc i have this incessant pathological need to like share every thought i have#and if i dont i get this restless uneasy feeling in my chest and i get restless and worried and like wtf?#whats wrong w me? maybe it has smth to do w that during my entire life i have never been listened to or been helped#like during my life i've asked for help repeatedly but when i have i've only been dismissed or not believed etc etc#so maybe that translated into my head to just feel the need to share it in a public space.....#bc i used to write rverything in a diary but i filled them too quickly and i cant afford the money or space to do that#so i started using twitter and now tumblr... but that has only resulted in me like feeding into it?#it's not healthy to feel the need to share EVERY thought or else u feel crazy. i also shouldnt focus or dwell on thoughts sm#i do have issues bc of my disorders and anxiety. plus avpd in swedish is literally called 'anxious personality disorder' 💀#so it is in me to be anxious and worried and neurotic#but still i want to learn how to not be fixated on thoughts and feelings (also a challenge bc bpd makes feelings feel all consuming)#if i think smth - that also can be totally untrue and only based on my worries -#i can just think it and let it go. idk have to dwell on it and obsess over it. (im trying mindfulness for years lol)#bc most of my venting is like me getting stuck in feelings and idk why i feel the need to express it constantly?#it isnt worth it. bc actually it has caused rifts and missunderstandings in multiple connections i've had online...#i do feel like venting isnt smth bad.. and i think emotions are PERSONAL and like completely unrelated to truth and other ppl#but i get it.. esp when u only know eo online and dont know everything going on in eo's heads#then u only get that as a full image when it isnt the whole picture#so like idk. i WANT to be able to get a healthier outlook on it.. bc this isnt working#both bc of myself and for myself but also in relation to others#and like. why do i like never see anyone else on thmblr/twitter that post EVERY thought like me???? (i dont think its wrong to do bc *i*#have a different pov on it and idc abt other ppl's vents but .. yeah idk why do i do this but no one else does it at the level i do?#so idk i've just been thinking of this lately bc yeah.. yeah i just dont know i dont know.... :///#i actually want to be able to not ruminate and get stuck in it but idk how to break free?#plus expressing positive emotions & thoughts is terrifying to me like idk why but i cant????#why??? i feel like im undeserving of good things that i cant even express smth nice bc im like .. i dont deserve to think/feel that??
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(guy who wants to write so bad but has been too busy to properly do anything for his longer/more-plot-heavy fics voice) anyone want to mess around and give me a mini fic prompt
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puppet-purgatory · 1 year
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dandyshucks · 1 month
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trying to tell other ppl about OCs is so hard and embarrassing, like yeah here's my automaton guy that I've been calling Empty Mask, yeah I nearly cried over the thought of him collecting broken porcelain dolls the other day, yeah he sounds kind of stupid but he's actually kind of a tragic character if u get to know his story,,,,,,
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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autumnalhalcyon · 8 months
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vaguely aggrivating, following someone who's advocating for a movement that, while agreeing with aspects of it, leaves you with questions and concerns, so you ask about it, making clear that you agree with many concepts stated, but also that you don't understand other concepts but want to, and instead of explaining their movement or even mentioning resources to look for, they just kinda. dodge my questions while making it out like im just some kind of idiot who "doesnt get it" and in a later post, tries to make me out to be downplaying suffering by asking genuine questions.
this is about antipsychology. terfs keep your grubby fucking mitts off my post.
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yunogf · 11 months
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fightaers · 9 months
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❛⠀i'm confident, you know. ❜ is he ? maybe he's lying. izuku certainly feels like he should be lying, because he had faced all-for-one before, and it's still— an image of terror. of destruction. of power and the endless greed to maintain it, to expand it by all means necessary, to squash any hope of opposing it. the thought of him, and what he stands for, and what he could do, has izuku's body seizes up in horror sometimes. that's when he usually has to remind himself how to breathe, and how to unclench his fists, and how to count back from ten again and again just to have some semblance of calm once more.
so what is he confident about ?
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izuku's eyes lift up to the other, a smile mars his face — though it's softened by an exhaustion izuku feels would weigh him down for the next ten years. still, it is a smile. and it is earnest, and it is good. ❛⠀that we'll win this. your grandmother's will won't be in vain. ❜
@strdstd ♡ starter call !
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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caruliaa · 2 years
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will prob not start reading either for a while regardless el oh el but i have both six of crows and pride and prejudice so if anyone is reading this tell me which on u think i shld read first 👍🏽
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forgaeven1 · 1 year
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the cottage is small.
smaller than the mansion madge knew, with creaky wooden floors, cobweb bricks, and dusty furnitures. oddly, the kitchen is big enough to sit as many as ten people. or at least, the size of it had made her thought so, once. it isn't until later that abe told her that this was the house she'd intended to give to her son, a long time ago, if he'll ever get married. the son who grew to be a peacekeeper; the son who never came home. it's been left to rot ever since, or rather, it's been left for the vines to take over, for the weeds to eat up the front lawn. madge had not cared much then, the condition of the cottage; she was just baffled that abe had wanted her to use it for herself at all.
and, anyway - she could spew about the place she's been living in for as long as she wants, fact would still remain that the cottage is small. with only two bedrooms, two living spaces, one kitchen, and one shared bathroom, there isn't much room for one to escape to — unless you count the slowly-growing garden of strawberries and assortment of vegetables abe had encouraged her to grow in the backyard. perhaps one could easily hide behind the bushes there that she hadn't managed yet to sort, she barely knows how to, or between the fences that's half-wire and half-brick stones surrounding this secluded place. whatever it may be, there isn't much finnick odair, victor from district four, a member of the rebellion, could have gone without madge noticing.
and she does, as she steps into the house, the basket full of gardening tools are quickly set aside when she notices him attempting to sit up.
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❛ don't move too quickly, ❜ she warns, crouching to his eye-level, as her own gaze sweep over his bandages. abe had said the pretty lad's lucky to be alive. their town's doctor had done all they could, of course. though ultimately, no one in two would be willing to host a rebel, let alone nurse them, with so many still somewhat a snow-sympathiser. so i thought i brought him here, abe had said, guilt marring her face as her glance drops away. he'll be gone soon enough, once he's up. i'll drop his meds every few days, when i could. just keep an eye on him, alright ? ❛ —you're badly injured. ❜
@mystictragedies — starter call
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zorkaya-moved · 1 year
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@undescension — souma.
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"You..." Zarina stops in her tracks, trying to find where her hat fell, but it settles in front of another woman. She looks quite pretty, the golden-eyed woman notes internally. Though, her appearance here should be kept a bit more of a secret with her hair hidden but the moment her hat flew off and it was a moment of 'it is what it is' instead of any concerns. A small smile appears on Sokolova's face as she gestures at the hat at the other's feet. "May I have it back?" Her voice is smooth and soft, her appearance remains pristine and elegant. "I'm a bit lost. Do you know where we are right now?" Better be seen as a pretty flower with her straw hat in the middle of summer and cute white dress with sandals.
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