#let me just say. yikes.
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Why does GTSE want the player characters to start a religion so bad??? Is it not enough for a krewe to be a group of traumatized people with ghost personas solving supernatural problems?
It seems like they slightly toned it down in 2E, thankfully (although I would prefer if they just had that be. An option rather than the default), but they’ve maintained the aspect of like….encouraging players to appropriate aspects from real-world practices? Which. Given that they seem to have had one (1) diversity consultant (Whitney “Strix” Beltrán), who has no connection I can tell to voudun (I believe that’s the correct term, please correct me if I’m wrong) or New Orleans Black culture in general, which GTSE 1E probably cribbed from the most (2E still does, but to a lesser extent)…I don’t actually remember where this sentence was going but I think you get the idea?
#kitposting#i mean. It’s chronicles of darkness/old new world of darkness so like.#what would you expect…#I’ve been going through older Vampire stuff to try to find info on VTM’s Massachusetts and.#even just having skimmed through everything and mostly only seen illustrations….#let me just say. yikes.#gtse#gts
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i feel like im watching a maritime history unsolved wrecks video in real time. where they like. spell out all the design issues, the protocol errors, all the things that we now know were wrong with the vessel and the expedition. what likely caused the wreck
except that. this is current? we already knew all the issues with the sub? everything unsafe about it was known?? and it's still been allowed to dive?????
#yikes#titanic#obviously i hope they find it just for the sake of the crew and passengers#but also selfishly because i want to know what happened here#let me say it again: yikes
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the way this is so so so much more painful in this context 😭😭😭
#hate that the narration and dialogue doesn’t reflect that tho….. like ava still says ‘i let her go’ like ⁉️⁉️⁉️#ugh i have to figure out an alternative hc in my head & mayhaps even write it down#it’s been so long since i’ve written yikes#but also AHHH this dynamic is so scrumptious??? this is what happens when you put to denial girlies in a playthrough <3#lexi: shows ava her favorite spot in wayhaven that she has never shown anyone before ever.#also lexi: we are just flirting :) this is just fun :)#me when i lie#it was the L word that freaked her out she has trauma okay#anyways#twc#the wayhaven chronicles#ava du mortain#lexi x ava#oc: lexi cavanaugh#*two
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oh boy ohhhh man there nuclear-waste-facility levels of toxic family dynamics happening in my google docs rn
#me. planning for burn the stars: yeah apollinaire’s home was super mega fucked up#me. writing some of said home life: HEY THIS IS SUPER MEGA FUCKED UP#i need to really flesh out two of the main royal families in burn the stars so i was doing a bit of writing to try and figure out some#of the dynamics i’ve been turning over in my head w apollinaire’s family#(specifically her relationship w her siblings because that’s alllll kinds of messy but i don’t have a very clear grasp on it)#(well i guess i do now. but yknow)#and let me just say: YIKES#also alphonso el belrose i want 2 kill you with a hammer oh my god#(<- me about my own character that i created and wrote myself)#wip: burn the stars
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A month ago I had the passing thought that I didn't like Taylor Swift when I was younger because I was behind her eras and it was a really casual observation then but every day I find new ways it's true
#college i would say was like my speak now-fearless era. swooningly and a bit shallowly romantic and discovering my voice#reading the most into the least and building up relationships in my imagination and so on (in a good young way)#so 1989 was way too cynical for me and i didn't like her at all#but then literally age 22 i fell in love with a 30 year old who jerked me around emotionally and then abruptly cut me off#and i bobbed my hair and got very girl power dismissive of men#and then had an identity-shattering event and had to pick up the pieces and find the faithful love at the bottom#and then had a whole bit about reclaiming my femininity and happiness and letting go of anger#and then! evermore came out and i had no idea about the cultural impact i just had heard people raving about her new sound#so i listened to it on a road trip and we were on the EXACT SAME PAGE. mind opened.#legit though i did a (tame and Christian) speedrun of red-1989-reputation in like a year and 2 months. yikes#taylor swift#maybe also this is why folklore doesn't super resonate with me. just didn't match my journey#(ugh sorry i hate talking about my Journey but one of our interns says it all the time and it gets stuck in my head)
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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Ok so these designs are cute as hell, the Internet is just mean
I have too many thoughts about a game I still need to watch
#goodbye volcano high#i dont have the money to buy it but god i need to watch a playthrough when i have time it's so interesting to me#like; the theme of 'yeah we're going die but that doesn't mean we can enjoy what time we have left' sounds amazing to me love that#its so funny i was actually watching a review of it that was basically 'this game sucks and here's why'#and then it just started listing off shit like- 'the characters designs are pastel they're nonbinary you die no matter what'#and then my neurons just went off and went '👁️👁️ oh! sounds amazing i want to see more'#fuck yeah pastel nonbinary dinosaurs lets go#well i think its just fang thats nonbinary and then two other trans characters#i saw a cutscene! and it was about the experiences of being an apart of a family as sec-gen immigrant and trans-#and i thought that was cool as hell dont recall ever seeing that in any of thr arts ive seen before (but there's lots of art out there!)#heard it got some glitches tho (havent looked in depth of what those glitches are) hopefully it got patched out#also im so fucking pissed i saw the gator game before i saw this 😮💨 (context; apparently made by people who made a fangame where they#the mc of this game a datable side character and they only have a happy ending if they detransition? which fucking yikes😬)#i saw people say 'oh but they did it empathetically' like how the fuck is taking a canon nb character and making them only happy through#detransitioning empathetic that sounds super fucking shitty and gross#i think a character that detransitions can be done and would be interesting to see- but this just reeks of people being transphobic for real#oh also purple dino has a slug or worm or something apparently! seems cute! just a lil thing#apparently its a rhythm game; listened to some of the songs and it sounded good! sadly i suck at rhythm games#but apparently failing doesn't affect the story? kinda wish it would but honestly better for me lol-#pink one and fang end up dating i believe- from what i saw pink is like- soft spoken artist? dunno if accurate but she's cute#all the characters are cute just look at them!!! awesome#also they have to just continue school like normal before they die and honestly thats so real#also saw people dislike the fact you dont see the characters actual die or the meteor#which is ??? dunno i just think some things are better left implied than shown-#anyways man i keep trying to find neat stuff about the game and all i see is people bitchin about it or praising the shit fan on instead 😔#man if i had two nickles for a time i grew to become obsessed with a media only for loads of people to hate id have two nickles#first nickle is kat elliot she's such a cool character Internet wasn't ready for her#also yes i saw obsessed i can just tell this is something ill go bonkers for#i mean god look how much text is in my tags for this already! and i still need to see the game in it's fullness!#im sure there's other cool shit
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just walked passed a sight that would've inspired a stephen king novel I fear
#hwwhhsshjs#local bookshop w some flies trying to kill themselves against the windows#I pay more attention and there's. just. thousands of flies. I've never seen so many fucking flies#and then I look over and there's police tape over the door and I'm like ooooh..... oh I see. yikes#and it's like boiling hot outside and not a soul paying attention#just very eerie feeling all around#I say stephen king novel but I'm like maybe ME-#idk I could never write a novel let alone horror I don't think but it was incredibly unsettling in a very literary way
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sangfielle 2 on the horizon….. have to get hustling on that sf54 animation
#maybe i can finish my pinch hit tomorrow night#then it’s funeral time then maybe normal life can return and i can go go go#getting scared lol.. i love you sangfielle i can’t wait to hear from u but also….#gonna be miserable without chine lol#can’t wait for them to never mention him again#just pls pls pls let them treat It like a baby and not like a dog (or not exclusively like a dog)#this is my most basic wish#forgive the pessimism i’m Going Through It and my brain is projecting grief all over the place#i have no idea how my brain is going to react to chine-less sangfielle.. dre u better have something good cooking#or something completely unremarkable lol#yike yike yikes#this post brought to you by a jdq cohost post abt season planning#grant me strength to not abandon all my WIPS once the new season hits and the first thing duvall says is#.. idk - meeting up with lyke and thanking him for old yeller-ing chine#or something#ok ok ok goodnight tomorrow i will be less negative#if not tomorrow then uh.. next week
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so now im sure she is the one who has been sending me anon hate about me being ugly.... 💀
#she said things like oh i would never send anon hate to anyone!!!#but ig ppl just say anything and then do it anyway 💀#ppl will just lie and pretend to be your friend to then use your insecurities against u#if she acted like a grown up and talked to me i wouldve listened#but that wouldve required her to listen to me tooand not just judge me#and ig she couldnt do that#so she took the easy route#like if i explained to her that yeah i felt abandoned by u bc u just stopped talking to me as soon as u got a bf#and then i kept talking to that guy bc of these reasons where i wanted to see if i could pick up on signs#bc being abused by my bf is one of my biggest fears i have#and she wouldve said iget that but i still feel uncomfortable. then i couldve listened to hger and decided if i wanted to keep making her#uncomfortable and hurt her or just stop. but she didnt say anything or try to communicate or listen#and now to see what a fucking shallow narrow minded view she has#is frustrating bc she hadnt even tried to talk or understand or communicate or explain her side#which is like ok that sucks but whatever i will just let it go#but then she keeps sending me hate abt what i confided to her abt and talk shit abt me and it is like#can u just let it go#just stop everything. lets just pretend we have never known eo or talked at all#anyway ig i dont wanna be friend w a woman who invalidates founded fears#like shes just the kind of woman who would tell her friends that#oh yeah your bf hit u just bc he loves u stop complaining!!#so ig this is good either way but like. ig she just assumes i was flirting behind her back#bc she cant comprehend a woman only being friendly with a guy#and like i didnt keep telling that guy im already in love w someone lmao 💀💀#gosh...disappointing. people are so disappointing#and childish and shallow and narrow minded. yikes
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ok but you KNOW Monster High did something SEVERELY right when I spent last year worried about all the changes they’d make to g3 because I love g1 so much but now all I can do is worry about all the changes they’ll make to g4 (because you know it’ll happen eventually) because I love g3 so much
#monster high#obviously g3 isn't perfect but let's be real#g1 wasn't either#I could cherry pick changes from BOTH of them#but what I AM saying is that you'll have to tear the canonical queer content and soft tone away from my FRIGID DEAD HANDS#canon clankie#nb frankie#boys promoting things like therapy and cheerleading#so much diversity!!#AUTISTIC TWYLA#mattel better pray that they can outdo themselves in several years when g4 eventually rears it's head#because if they can't#oh boy#i feel like there'll be even more protectiveness over the g3 charectors than there were over g1#g1 has nostalgia and that's always going to play with people's hearts yes#but g3 is already creating SO MUCH nostalgia for coming generations of queer kids#AND is doing representation /so well/ when oftentimes companies like Mattel just.... don't.....#so you have adults like me who are clinging to it for dear life as well#what I'm saying is they have quite a storm of dedicated fans falling into place and I'd really hate to be the executive who announces#literally anything about g4 years out into the future because Yikes For Them
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🧃📚 🔪
🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before
Never posted about before??? Oof. That limits me to "rather slutty college adventures", "not entirely my story to tell", "I haven't posted because it's actually boring", or " I haven't posted because I forgot about it"
Hm.
Oh!
My language education. It's odd for an American, and interesting in that way.
Before the age of 18 I had three years of learning Japanese, three years of French, two of Spanish, as well as informal time learning Romanian, Latin, Russian, German, and Italian. Also a smattering of various other European languages.
I no longer speak or read any of it. I'm trying to dust off my French, but "use it or lose it" is REAL. All I have left are a handful of words here and there across everything I used to know. Not enough to make myself understood to a native speaker.
📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?
The last thing that ISN'T a shopping list is:
"Yours is a hungry fire/ if the flames ate my soul I thought it only the consumation of love"
It's some thoughts on an OC AU involving an ugly divorce.
🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
Oh hell that could be anything. When a poisonous dye was popular. Common names in 10th century France. What crushing someone's trachea sounds like (spoke with a primary source on that one). The history of a small stretch of remote American highway. The chemical composition of human saliva. Nutritional deficiency risks in obligate carnivores. Bite strength information in both humans and jaguars. When did the phrase "what the fuck" enter common parlance. Etc.
#ramblings#thank you!!!#oh and the divorce is Amy and Evan and oof i may have created those characters but let me just say it's all a bunch of yikes
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I will go ahead and say this bc i dont see enough ppl saying it
Despite his outrightly cartoonish, often times ridiculous way of being helplessly evil, medic is and can be a nuanced character. Throughout my years being in and out of various fandoms i've noticed a pattern: people clinging onto a morally grey character (usually a villain but not always) then proceeding to completely ignore or straight up erase bits of their personality when producing fan content, resulting in what i personally like to call the "villainized villain syndrome". Basically, overexaggerating their in canon personality and using the "oh well he's completely off his rocker so he MUST be willing to do ANY kind of immoral act because of it!" argument that I personally do not like.
I saw this predominantly in fanfics where ppl will write the reader being straight up n*n c*ned by him and not even JUST in a sexual sense, like being experimented on without their explicit consent which idk just doesn't sit well w me esp when u market said fic as a wannabe, romance-happy reader insert.
Medic, as an ENTP, uses ti-fe which implies NOT forcing yourself on others. Instead he uses his wits and charm to get people to comply with his wishes and we have clearly seen that once he outsmarted the devil himself. Demanding and forcing your views on people is a te-fi trait. He doesn't even need to use force, he's so good at dismantling others' logic and giving arguments that he just...gets what he wants.
I think you are heavily misinterpreting medic's whole character when u write him with a SINGLE defining trait a.k.a an overwhelming senseless evilness (TOWARDS his OWN teammates even) that results from his desire to be experimenting on ppl. In my opinion it does not make sense for him to REALLY put his own teammates mindlessly in danger just bc he feels like it. Yea he's unethical and completely disregards any kind of human norm but whatever he does almost always benefits the team in the end, not to mention he experiments on them p much consensually. Heavy seemed a-ok with being cut open since that's also kinda mandatory anyway in their job. Medic isn't "the big evil" he is "means to an end" evil. For such a logical man it would make 0 sense for him to disregard his team's safety COMPLETELY, it would be taxing including for his own paycheck.
Like yes medic big medic scary medic evil but have you considered he can have nuances and shades to his fucked up character? I think ppl forget he literally bluffed in front of classic heavy when he asked him if he has any problem with going against his old teammates only to cause the classic team to go into BANKRUPCY to revive sniper who technically was his enemy at the time. Then proceeding to rejoin his old team and AGAIN bluffing so heavy could take down classic heavy. And he was visibly happy to be welcomed back into the red team.
This isn't me saying medic isn't the worst example of a human being and that i want ppl to write him "softer", no. This is me saying that a villain wouldn't commit literally ANY kind of immoral act just bc he's "evil" and that even vile and violent characters can have variations in their behavior.
#i read this long ass fic that barely had any descriptive tags only gore and violence warnings in certain chapters and it got me concerned#i wont say much abt it bc its VERY long but basically. reader has severe medical trauma and she's portrayed as just going along w his shit#even when she's CLEARLY displeased and dissociating over it. and some shit he did without her consent only for her to find out later#and bc of that he treats her as nth but a test subject basically subhuman like. only for all of this to be disregarded later on#and for them to SUDDENLY get along after he had literally worsened her trauma just bc he felt like it and now theyre suddenly besties. naur#he would Not Do That. let alone to a teammate like why tf would he fixate on reader and put such expectations on her only to bully her when#ahe doesnt perform to his liking. his best subject or smth just the fact that he views her LIKE that makes me like yikes.#then later its all sunshine and flowers. y do ppl not do this w h*avymedic lmao they never portray them with a power imbalance#and heavy is literally his primary test subject. and reader was a cis female in that fic. hm#.txt#mine#💉#tf2
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Snap Out of It
Desi LGBT Fest
Day 8: The Acceptance You Hoped For vs. The Acceptance You Got
@desi-lgbt-fest
TW/CW: Body Horror, Flashing Images
(I’m afraid I don’t know how to censor images so the gif is beneath the cut. For the non flashing ver, see my reblog.)
Snap Out of It
Desi LGBT Fest
Day 8: The Acceptance You Hoped For vs. The Acceptance You Got
@desi-lgbt-fest
#desi lgbt fest#desi lgbt fest 2023#pride 2023#queer#muslim american#bengali diaspora#tw body horror#cw body horror#tw unreality#cw unreality#tw flashing#cw flashing#tbh i'm not sure which of these warning tags are right#but for safety's sake i'll put all of them#i Did say this piece was going to be 'interesting'#this was not the original intention/route#but hoho i quite like it#took a bit longer and i'm a bit cranky so let's just say#internalized racism as a preteen? yikes#i wanted the white girls to like me but i like myself better than they ever could
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co-op is crazy bc in the same co op session you can immediately click with someone and then find out the other rando who joined might be a racist
#i let everyone into my place unless i didn't click fast enough so ...#the experiences have been a) met one (1) whale who like has c3 or above of multiple characters#limited characters** forgot to specify lol#b) met multiple kids who are Way Younger than i expected.... yikes pls go touch grass dont play the gacha#c) met people who i like really vibe with and talk to semi regularly#d) this fuckass dickwad#tfw you pretend you're a race you're not to two poc over co op#there are cool people over co op though. most of the time <3#most people just come and get mats too so its like whatever. happy 2 help your farming sessions though#there are also people who just stand there and wait for me to do something like 😭 i dont got the time either you talk to me rn or you#start doing things instead of just standing there. if neither of these happen im kicking you srry#there was one person wayyyy back who led me all the way to chinju forest and then played ayaka's theme to me though it was soooo cute#shoutout to anyone who bothers to learn genshin songs on the lyre and then play them yall are real ones#also did not know that so many cis males played genshin until they came to my world lol (and i met them irl but thats another thing)#problem is that some of them are like 14 and say gan.yu is their waifu ???? 😭😭😭 like bro idk how to react to that 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#ok this is getting a little too tmi but whatever#maybe ill delete it but conclusion coop is Wild
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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