#let me empty my brain

[aroaceleovaldez]

we should make Nico more fucked up, actually. enough woobifying him. that boy should be covered in blood and viscera

[miaiminnis]

give me something pretty to wear beneath my bloodstained clothes

darling, the devil knows my name 🥀🗝️🦩🗡️💃

[pigeonstab]

Oh, if you're still doing asks for Cole and Fern: Can you guys both make the scary Halloween pumpkin face? >:3

just for you

[cheaploafs]

no fights are ever won without sacrifice

[elderwisp]

hey moon, it's just you and me tonight everyone else is asleep

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Hi I’m thinking about Shadow’s unapologetic expression of his emotions wearing his heart his pain his grief on his sleeve and on his face for everyone to see because he’s hurting and he doesn’t care who sees it VS Sonic if-people-know-I’m-hurting-i-lose-points-no-one-can-ever-know-I-have-any-emotions-other-than-confidence the Hedgehog

[ruvviks]

// oc deep dive.

tagged by; @aztarion and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!

tagging; @mojaves, @deadrlngers, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf, @adelaidedrubman and YOU!

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

Nathan has a lot of fears stemming from his paranoia. Tangible ones such as getting captured or killed by MOBIUS, his friends walking away from him, or someone following him home; as well as more unrealistic ones, such as somehow ending up back in STEM, or getting stuck in a time loop, or a giant sinkhole all the way to the core of the earth opening up right at his feet.

It also happens often enough that certain actions don’t necessarily scare him, but make him uncomfortable or highly on edge (often with good reason); think of someone locking the door of the room he’s in– especially when it’s just them two– or getting too close without warning. He often fears people he gets too close to will end up treating him like the Administrator did, which is why it takes a while for him to let Sebastian get any closer physically, despite warming up to him relatively fast.

A more uncommon fear he has is waking up one morning and having lost one of his senses or his ability to speak. Aside from the mental erosion that had become a growing issue among Union citizens, MOBIUS observed a similar kind of process in its agents who regularly jumped in and out of STEM for general maintenance and the like– presumably caused by the constant changes in brain activity, which more than often led to exactly what Nathan’s fear mentioned above describes. While he was among the agents who worked both in and outside of STEM on the Union environment, he was lucky enough to never suffer the consequences.

Lastly, he is deadly afraid of Anima. Despite not having shown any other symptom of succumbing to the STEM domination process, Nathan would have started seeing her around sometime before Lily vanished– presumably got her attention after some of his escapades in the secret labs in the Marrow– and he has not been able to sleep soundly in STEM ever since. While his fear of her mostly acts up when he’s in a STEM environment, it definitely translates over to the real world as well; during bad mental health episodes he has auditory hallucinations of her, and she makes regular appearances in his nightmares too.

Do they have any pet peeves?

When people are too passive. Nathan can’t stand it when he’s expected to initiate everything, from conversations to taking action, both in a work context (scheduling meetings, deploying new code) as well as personal context (scheduling to hang out, doing household chores). He also doesn’t like having to constantly ask people to do what they’re supposed to do– though this irritation more than often extends a little too far, to things he is expecting of people but never told them about.

Loud and unexpected noises, especially when done on purpose. Fireworks would be a great example of this, and they piss Nathan off no end. He gets snippy when people raise their voice at him for no reason, or when they keep banging their fist on a surface to get others’ attention.

Getting cut off in traffic. Nathan’s road rage is easily awakened and he can get a little drastic with it. His reflexes are fast enough to brake on time to avoid ending up in someone’s trunk, but will in that same breath speed right back up to crash into them on purpose as revenge for pissing him off.

What are three items you can find in their bedroom?

A large ring binder full of old code snippets, notes from various projects he worked on back at MOBIUS, and all his research ranging from neuroscience all the way to electrical engineering. Nathan is a little old-school in that regard– he’d much rather have all his research physically with him than save it all to some online storage platform and risk losing it like that.

A jigsaw puzzle, made entirely out of different pieces that he’s collected over the years (stolen from others’ puzzles, found in various locations, stolen directly from the store, etc). The full piece would total up to nearly 2000 pieces, though it is still missing a large chunk in the center; the result is an abstract piece containing mostly darker colors, though with various bursts of color scattered around like flowers in a field. Nathan isn’t the artistic type, but the project keeps him busy and he considers it a type of self-expression.

The knife he killed his parents with when he was sixteen years old. He’s not entirely sure why he kept it all those years– perhaps to remind himself what got him to where he is now, or because it’s the only thing he still has from that time of his life. Either way, it’s kept safe in the top drawer of his nightstand, easy enough to reach in case someone breaks into his apartment.

What do they notice first in a person?

First: State of mind, overall mood. How approachable do they look; can he afford to lower his guard or does he need to tread with caution, can he get close without worrying about a knife to the stomach or should he keep his distance? Nathan rarely shows immediate interest in someone’s overall personality, he would rather want to know which of their emotions he’s gonna have to deal with during their interaction(s).

Second: Body language. Ties in with the first thing mentioned– cautiously watching for threats, waiting to see if they make a move to touch (or harm) him so he can step out of their range. But it also extends a little further; Nathan tends to mimic others’ body language in conversation to make himself appear more approachable. If someone gestures a lot, he will do the same.

Third: Their smile, if relevant. Smiling is an eye-catching action to him, since he’s not one to quickly do so himself. It’s attractive to him; if someone smiles at him, you’ll be able to catch him staring.

Fourth: Scars, and other (skin) details. Nathan isn’t one to ask about them, of course– but they’ll catch his attention anyway, for a brief moment, since some of them already tell a story on their own even without words.

Fifth: Nervous tics, if relevant. By this point he’s been in conversation long enough to pick up on the little details– a slight thrill or shakiness to their voice, a thumb running over the side of their index finger, a nose twitch. In some cases it eases his mind, knowing the other person isn’t confident in their conversation either; in other cases it sets off alarms in his mind, and makes him wonder if there’s more going on than what they’re showing or telling him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Physically: 7. While he doesn’t quite look like it, Nathan can take a hit or two. Most of his injuries happen in STEM– though with the way the technology works, the pain is very much real, and in some cases the scars are lasting even in the real world despite the damage having been sustained in STEM. To an extent, Nathan even enjoys the pain; it’s grounding for him, and keeps him from dissociating. When it gets too much to handle he simply drinks it away.

Mentally: 10. Nathan’s life has been a constant downward spiral; sent to a youth detention center after being wrongfully accused of killing his younger sister, and he was bullied relentlessly there, which continued until long after his release both at school and at home. At MOBIUS, he was required to work shifts in their HQ as well as in the Marrow, in the Union STEM environment– he was required to be mentally strong, or he would have already started suffering from mental erosion by long-term STEM exposure after his first few trips in. It takes a lot to break him (or so he likes to believe).

Emotionally: 4. Once you get past all the barriers, Nathan is pretty sensitive. He doesn’t deal well with rejection or misunderstanding, and is prone to assuming things are all his fault the second something goes wrong. It’s easy to upset him, though he won’t easily show; but the damage often takes a while to repair.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? (Or freeze or fawn?)

Fight, more than often; though it may appear as flight at first, since Nathan’s favored combat approach is stealth and he will always find cover before doing anything rash. In certain cases, however, he would be more likely to freeze; especially anything related to Anima or an enemy type like her, where fighting is out of the question, and he knows that a single wrong move can mean his demise.

It translates to non-combat situations too– often willing to talk to people but his initial response is to get defensive and close himself off, and if not given a moment to regain himself it can lead to either fighting or freezing; biting back with similar ferocity or shutting down altogether, unable to pick up his rational train of thought in the heat of the moment.

It really depends on the type of confrontation, though; taking his own state of mind and who else is involved into consideration. He’s known to fawn when a situation starts feeling a little too familiar– generally surrounding the abuse he suffered from partially his parents, but mostly the Administrator.

What animal represents them best?

Wolf; bordering on dog motif, but cautiously so, requiring infinite patience and understanding to win his trust. Nathan is loyal and guarding to those he cares about, but he values his freedom– his choices and decisions are his and his alone, and anyone who tries to take that away from him will suffer the necessary consequences.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Curious, above anything else. Distant, reserved; surprisingly well-spoken, almost technical in his interactions with others as if the whole conversation is pre-programmed in his mind. Nathan isn’t necessarily cold towards others, but people would also not be quick to describe him as kind; though there is a certain warmth to the way he speaks and looks at people, despite the fact he very rarely smiles and isn’t one to quickly compliment someone else.

Appearance-wise, people tend to notice the white strands in his black hair first. They’re clustered at the front of his head, and match with the white hairs in his left eyebrow and the white eyelashes in the outer corner of his left eye. Nathan has very pale and rough skin, patchy but dark facial hair covering up most of his acne (/scarring); and part of the skin around his left eyebrow is lacking pigment, though it’s a little hard to see. He has very pale and bright blue eyes, which can be a little unnerving when staring at them for too long. Many people cannot maintain eye contact with him for very long.

Do they have any hobbies?

Nathan’s career is directly intertwined with his hobbies, and he enjoys working on code even long after cutting ties with MOBIUS. Software development, application optimization– his laptop runs on an operating system that he coded entirely himself, and whenever he has some time to spare he can be found tweaking and optimizing it and adding new features.

To no one’s surprise, he’s a gamer. Shooters, roguelikes, survival horror– he does not play all too often as his schedule often doesn’t allow for it, but he generally doesn’t have a hard time playing on higher difficulties and enjoys the challenge. Nathan has tried his hand at game design and development too, but stopped quickly when he found it too similar to developing the Union environment in STEM.

And last, surprisingly, would be writing. Journaling, some sort of attempt at poetry, or articles he would want to send in to some website or appropriate magazine but never does– a lot of Nathan’s writing is for his eyes alone, but it helps as an outlet, it keeps him grounded. For a while after leaving MOBIUS, he worked on writing tech manuals for various employers to earn some extra cash, which also ties directly into his interests.

[bonesblackheadrotten]

i like finding tobias (or whatever they call it) cause so far it’s just giving me further proof of how good sylus is to mc

[verysmallcyborg]

i (unfortunately) often find myself having bouts of being unusually insecure (?) when it comes to fornax & their appearance, and it results in the gnawing temptation to stop sharing them altogether across all socmed i post to. but i know that's just the garbage depression™ brain trying to fall back into unhealthy isolation-related habits

(a lil more thoughts under the cut, nothing too bad tho)

sometimes it resorts to thinking things like "oh they probably appeal very little to most. look at them, they are EXTREMELY far from what other's would expect a femroe to look like (well, especially bc they ARE an au roe... but regardless)"

but. time and time again, i see so many nice tags and compliments on both my art and gposes of them, even people telling me that fornax has helped them feel happier and more comfortable/confident with their own body, or certain physical features. it's reassuring and always makes me happy whenever people express that they love seeing my fat, strong hairy butch who looks scary - and is scary, when provoked - but has an awkward heart of gold and is the embodiment of gap moe around their partner. it warms my heart that my beloved oc has happened to resonate in some way with several people. idk maybe it's silly, but it's all the little things like that that help me continue pushing away the impulses to stop sharing my creative works

it feels weird being open and vulnerable on here abt what keeps chewing at me, but i just wanted to say: thank you for sticking around and appreciating my silly big wol with me, i really do cherish and appreciate the kind (and feral) tags/comments under fornax's stuff, she's very important to me for countless reasons and here is to hoping that i never stop sharing or vanish from everywhere. love u all mwah :]

[yuseirra]

Analysis and rant(on what was this piece trying to say and all maybe)

Sorry... I keep talking about this because it really weighs on my mind. From a thematic perspective, this manga touches on some incredibly sensitive topics, and while it doesn’t completely shy away from them, it also doesn’t fully address them. This lack of explanation leaves me constantly unsettled and preoccupied with unresolved aspects of the story.

When it comes to understanding the emotional undercurrents of this manga, I was quite confident.

For example, figuring out who Aqua truly loves, what kind of feelings Ai might have had for her boyfriend, and why they broke up—

I had already deduced these things with accuracy even before the story revealed the full details.

I’m very confident when it comes to this sort of analysis!

well, the rest.. I'll cut and place in the read more.

*has analysis of the plot, thoughts on the work and the subjects it touched, some psychological analysis, etc

As for the extent of Ai’s feelings toward her boyfriend, I had to approach this cautiously and conservatively. After all, throughout the story, the protagonist outright accuses him of being her murderer, and others don’t view him favorably either. The allegations against him were so heinous that I couldn’t confidently claim Ai genuinely loved him until the story confirmed it. At a point where Ai seemed to be the victim, it felt only right to tread carefully and analyze the situation with utmost caution before drawing any conclusions.

Still, I came to the tentative conclusion that Ai probably liked him quite a bit. Given that Ai herself admitted she didn’t fully understand love and had never really experienced it, perhaps what she felt didn’t quite reach the level of “love.” But it must have been an emotion close to it—that was the best I could deduce.

And ultimately, before the story revealed what Ai said in the video, why they broke up, and other details, my predictions turned out to be incredibly accurate.

For example, I wrote something like this before CH 154 was introduced:

++ Early on in the series, there’s a key phrase: “Lies are also a form of love.” Do you think this idea of a 15-year lie could have two meanings?

To her fans, she lied by saying she loved them.

To her boyfriend, she lied by saying she couldn’t love him, even though she did have feelings for him.

In this way, Ai told two lies about love.

I ACTUALLY PREDICTED THE CONTENT OF AI'S VIDEO. I couldn't be more correct about it.

Is this something so obvious that anyone could figure it out? I’m not sure... But that’s why I really thought I had a solid grasp of the emotional dynamics in this manga.

So, despite my anxiety toward the latter half of the story, I felt, This seems right, doesn’t it? I even thought that Ai’s boyfriend might not have tried to scare her at all. What if he only intended to send flowers but things spiraled out of control, leaving him in utter despair? I had already started sketching this idea out around chapters 154–155.

Then, as the manga went on, it had so many breaks! I kept thinking, What if next week the story flips, and he turns out to be an irredeemable villain? But the breaks gave me time to reflect and continue drawing. Even with those worries, I couldn’t stop because the details and the song were so intense.

The accusations were truly horrifying. The situation was dreadful. But the two of them seemed to have cared deeply for each other, and I believed that to be true. So I interpreted their relationship in that direction and expressed it a lot in my work—but can you imagine how nerve-wracking and stressful that was?

Even so, I wasn’t completely uncertain about this interpretation.

Even until the end of the story, Kamiki never acts violently or aggressively, not even once. Threatening or intimidating someone stems from aggression, and he simply doesn’t exhibit that kind of behavior. On the contrary, the way he’s portrayed shows he couldn’t even bring himself to take such an attitude, and it caused him immense suffering. There was no narrative reason to depict him that way if it wasn’t true.

Looking at the story as a whole, you could argue that Kamiki was actually written rather consistently. (really, he COULD be.)

But then, the conclusion becomes this:

That for a significant portion of the story, the events surrounding Kamiki didn’t unfold according to his will. He didn't want things to become like this, but things must have still spiraled into disaster. And if that’s the case, how could that even happen?

This person really seems to be a god. The story HAS another god in human form within the work, the related foreshadowing appears, and they say that there isn't just one of such beings! The actions they take are also so deeply significant...

Why don't they just go on and state this out? LOL;; Seriously.

It feels like the story is about this:

A godly couple protecting the entertainment industry—when the wife is murdered, the husband can’t endure it, abandons his virtues, falls from grace, and deserts his duties. He starts reclaiming the blessings (+ the wife’s love) that they had bestowed on the industry, wandering around, only to eventually face retribution for his actions. That’s what I think it’s about.

The gods loved and cherished humanity, granting them protection and various blessings (like the abilities linked to those star-shaped eyes), and they came down to live as humans for once. But both lost their memories, grew up under abuse, and finally met, barely managing to live happily. However, due to the darkness of the entertainment industry or whatever, they were separated again.

To make it worse, the wife had the husband’s child, and under the twisted logic of “how can an idol have a child,” she was murdered. (At that time, the husband was already in bad shape, so the other gods decided the he needed to be replaced, preparing a surrogate candidate as their proxy-Ruby-.)

Witnessing this drove the husband insane, it seems. He went mad, endlessly searching for a way to bring his wife back. Eventually, a divine decree was issued that he must die since he could no longer fulfill his godly duties, leading to his elimination.

From the moment I heard Fatal, I felt like something was up.

This person doesn’t seem like an ordinary human. It feels like some non-human being, unable to live without their loved one, became so consumed by that purpose that they fell from grace.

I’m pretty sure the story is about that.

This manga... It’s incredibly heavy in terms of its themes, with parts that are very hard to watch, yet the creators didn’t seem entirely thoughtless about how they handle it. For example, Kamiki is a victim of child sexual abuse. If the character had been written as falling into being a serial killer or something like that as a direct consequence, I would have been furious. That would be a disrespectful way to use that subject matter. While it’s not entirely impossible for that to happen, writing it so conveniently would show a lack of deep thought about the people in those situations. It’s a theme that shouldn’t be used as the sole reason for someone’s downfall. There were interpretations of Kamiki’s character like that but I'm so thankful this wasn't the case. I'd have dropped this work if that were to be real.

However, In my opinion, sometimes this manga constructs its narrative in ways that allow for such interpretations, which can feel careless. For instance, there was a time when someone directly messaged me saying, “Isn’t it fine for a 15-year-old to have a child?” I'm sorry, but that had me really baffled; I don’t actively seek out other people’s opinions about the works I’m reading, especially with this manga. I feel like doing so would leave me feeling stifled.

Stories have the power to draw people in, but this manga, despite using sensitive themes, doesn’t feel definitive in its stance on them. It tends to gloss over things or just brush past them. While it did handle the issue of child sexual abuse somewhat strongly, I wouldn’t say I was fully satisfied with it. That aspect of the manga is not something I find to be its strength and I feel it can do much, much better while it's not the worst it can ever be.

As for Ai’s death and the theme of teenage pregnancy, I felt like it wasn’t thoughtless, and it reached a level where I could accept it.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have supported Ai’s relationship if her boyfriend hadn’t been younger than her. (I’m fine if they’re the same age.) Ai is petite, and it’s even mentioned that she might have needed a C-section. She had children at such a young age (though the president’s wife helped with childcare, and the kids were reincarnators, so they weren’t very high-maintenance) and endured so much hardship.

If her boyfriend were older than Ai? That would make him an incredibly thoughtless person. He’d have had to take on responsibility for raising the kids (though many do run away or shirk responsibility). From what’s presented in the story, Ai’s boyfriend also seems like someone who had a tough life up until the time they were dating. The two were just very vulnerable, and they both did their best under the circumstances.

They were simply too young. I think they both needed to be at least five years older at the bare minimum for it to have worked in a realistic sense.

Ai had a personality and circumstances that made it plausible for her to shoulder everything herself, thinking she had to solve it because she was the older one. That aspect of her character and situation was portrayed convincingly, showing how events could unfold that way for someone like her.

The issue of Ai’s death... I think it has to be framed as Ryosuke’s problem. The excessive expectations placed on idols and entertainers, as well as twisted fandom culture, are undeniable realities. There are real-life cases of entertainers being murdered like this, or at least becoming targets of stalking and various crimes.

However, if the story made her boyfriend the one who orchestrated it, it would dilute the message about these societal issues. While this manga may not aim to deliver a profound social commentary, making the boyfriend the culprit would serve as an entertainment-driven choice to propel the protagonist’s goals. It’s a narrative choice that could work, but the creators seemed to lean toward depicting it differently at the end, and I thought that’s the right approach.

If there’s a message they want to convey, it’s better for the boyfriend not to be the culprit.

Initially, when Aqua assumed so, I thought, “Is that the case?” because there was no evidence to the contrary. Naturally, the story led me in that direction. At the time, the boyfriend seemed involved in something shady, but there was always no clear indication that he harbored animosity toward Ai. In fact, there were hints of lingering affection, to the point where I wondered if there was at least some mixed emotion, if not just outright love.

For example, he still visited Ai’s grave and spoke tenderly. This suggests either he didn’t harm her, or he’s a complete psychopath. After all, visiting the grave of someone you killed and referring to “our child” while looking at their offspring is bizarre behavior.

He also seemed excessively self-blaming. It was clear he wasn’t normal, but his responses towards Yura's death was strangely peculiar. What was he even saying? At that point in the story, his words were incomprehensible, and even by the end, things still remain ambiguous regarding what he actually meant by all that.

To add, when looking at the past, it seems like Ai was like a savior to him, but in reality, they were each other's saviors. They comforted each other and got along quite well, but there were so many things they couldn’t handle due to their circumstances. Both of them really cared about each other, but it seems they ended up parting ways.

And this person was, if anything, naive and excessively gentle, lacking any sense of aggression. Even while being mistreated, he couldn’t speak up, so Ai protected him, and he relied on her. When you break it down, Ai really cared about him. Her actions were those of someone cherishing a deeply loved person. Although she said some very cruel things when they broke up, would that alone make him so ungrateful as to harm Ai? After their breakup, he didn’t do anything for years. If he had intended to get revenge, wouldn’t he have done so back then? And the idea that he would harm her out of anger for being called to see the children? That makes no sense to me. Given his personality, Isn’t that the kind of situation he would like? Like in chapter 160, where he’s smiling while holding a bouquet—that feels like the most likely scenario, doesn’t it?

If you analyze how the authors portray him, it really doesn’t seem like he’s the culprit. Why would they write the character like this if they want to show him as the one responsible for Ai's murder??

The way he describes or remembers Ai is consistently filled with affection.

Once again, it’s hard to depict someone with such a purely positive impression if they’re the person you’ve harmed. Humans tend to rationalize their actions, convincing themselves that they have a reason to do what they did. If he had done something as horrible as that, he’d find fault with Ai in some way, even if there were lingering mixed feelings. It’s nearly impossible to recall her with nothing but beautiful memories. You could say his memory of Ai was firm and cruel when they parted, but from what I see, that was just objectively showing what happened. And the Ai he remembers is always radiant, smiling alongside him. Even the lighting in those scenes is bright. Furthermore, the impression Ai seemed to have of him was also very positive.

How Ai perceived him is critical to understanding their relationship. If a stalker claimed they were in love with the victim, would that hold any weight? This is why I couldn’t say anything until it was made clear. But now that I’ve seen it, the conclusion is that both held very strong affection for each other and thought highly of one another.

Could he have intended to harm Ai? Could he have tried to scare her because she left him? Judging by his personality, I don’t think so. This person—he wasn’t acting. His naturally gentle and kind personality is likely why Ai liked him.

It seems like he has an ingrained tendency to blame himself. If anything, he seems like someone who’d take responsibility for things that weren’t even his fault.

Moreover, he never blames Ai. He says he loved her so much he’d give up his life for her.

And that doesn’t seem like a lie. When you compare it with how he was in his youth, a faint outline of his character starts to emerge. Then, the content of the song comes to mind.

He keeps talking about offering everything, saying he can’t live without her, that he wants to see her. In a previous song, there were lyrics about how he’d give everything, even his life, if her life could return. At first, I thought it was Aqua’s perspective, but it’s not. Looking closely, both songs are about Kamiki.

Given that he feels this way about Ai and has this kind of backstory, could he have harmed Ai? I feel like the probability is just too low. Rather than finding evidence to support that, the more we learn, the less likely it seems. Why? For what reason? And it seems like people around him keep dying. Each time, he appears genuinely tormented.

Looking at the first instance at least, it seems clear that the event was entirely out of his control.

In Japanese mythology, there’s a couple among the gods of entertainment. The husband of the couple, the god of light, has the ability to guide people’s futures, and he's later replaced by Amaterasu. The wife’s name has been directly mentioned by the protagonist in the story, and the shrine where the characters made their wishes is the place where this divine couple was wed. Together, those gods grant wishes.

So, doesn’t this mean Ai and her partner’s essence is those gods?

That’s how my thought process naturally pieced things together, though it wasn’t intentionally organized step by step—it just clicked. (That’s what I mean by intuition.) That’s when I started thinking, "Is this what the story is about?"

And the husband god drowned.

So, if that’s what this is referencing, then it fits perfectly.

But how are people who don’t know the mythology supposed to grasp this?

Even now, people still don’t understand.

The story doesn’t explicitly establish that this is the case, either.

Seriously, how am I even supposed to interpret this manga? It’s exhausting.

I’m not actively trying to piece it together—my mind just connects the dots, and when I wake up, it all comes to me. I wonder if it’s not the case, but...

People call Kamiki a lunatic and an evil criminal. Well, they’re not entirely wrong. He’s clearly committed many crimes, but that’s also what’s so frustrating. He deserves to be punished, but shouldn’t it be done properly? Shouldn’t we figure out who he really is first? Regarding Ai, maybe he doesn’t deserve the criticism. I can’t speak on something I don’t understand, which is why I’ve been carefully analyzing him. To form an opinion, I need to know the details. But he’s such an ambiguous character. We never fully learn what he was doing, what he was thinking, or his true intentions. He doesn’t express them outright, and even Tsukuyomi? She does tell us about what his motives were but... she speaks so vague and I don't think I can buy it so fully.

If the above backstory is true, wouldn’t that significantly change how we evaluate the character? Based on his personality and when you break down the story as a whole, I genuinely think that interpretation fits.

I can’t let go of this. What kind of manga is this, seriously?

Regarding Aqua again. Honestly, the ending left such a bitter aftertaste!!!;;; And even Aqua’s actions—well, in that kind of situation, it’s like, “Oh, okay… I guess you really had no other choice, with your dad being a corrupted god and all... What else could you have done?”—are understandable to a degree.

But the authors are just so cruel. It’s hard for me to go back and read the earlier volumes because they leave such a bad taste. This is a product for sale, after all. Yet, all the earlier parts where Aqua is running around, helping people, torn between two girls, and just wandering aimlessly… None of that ends up affecting the conclusion. It’s meaningless!;; The story just follows the mythology, so all that messy, dramatic buildup earlier? It wasn’t necessary at all.

Sure, Aqua helped Kana and Akane to some extent, allowing them to continue their careers in the entertainment industry, but from a realistic perspective? To me, the experience of losing someone dear to you in such a way would be far more traumatic and overwhelming—a wound that would scar your life forever. So when those two are shown smiling happily at Ruby in the later chapters, is that even convincing? I don’t know. Maybe if the story had allocated more time to those related episodes, it might have worked better, but they didn’t include that, did they?

In the end, Ruby shone as the new sun god after eliminating the maddened former sun god. < This narrative makes it seem like Aqua was just intruding on the story, like he didn’t need to be there. That's how the myth goes, except for the fact that Sarutahiko never went mad and just drowned on his own. The writers made him grow mad after the loss of his wife and had Aqua drown him, that's the change they brought to that basic outline. He would have drowned ANYWAY. If that’s the case, couldn’t the story have worked just as well without Aqua? Just Ruby, Akane, and Kana navigating the entertainment industry together? I feel bitter even making such an evaluation of the protagonist, but with this ending, I don't feel happy revisiting the story and rereading anything related to Aqua. After all, he's going to die anyway, right?;; As I mentioned in my analysis earlier, the story’s narrative structure revolves around the mythological elements, and everything is decided based on the myth’s progression. Aqua doesn’t really matter. He wasn’t supposed to have a role in the myth—he was an addition, something forced into the framework.

Ruby, Kamiki, Ai, and Tsukuyomi? Those guys are the core elements. If you understood what they were, you could have predicted the ending far in advance, regardless of what Aqua was doing. That’s probably why Kamiki’s true nature wasn’t revealed earlier. If the truth about Ai’s boyfriend had been made clear, you could have known exactly how that character’s story would end.

It feels like I’ve ended up saying so much…

Maybe it’s because I care about this manga? Hmm...;; I think I just see a lot of things here, like potential answers the story didn’t give us. There are so many unresolved, painful emotions lingering, and none of it feels properly addressed. It’s frustrating and exhausting.

How do people who’ve followed this series from the very beginning—buying merchandise and everything—evaluate the ending? I suppose it varies from person to person?;; It's too much though; It would’ve been better if the message, or whatever they were trying to convey, was more definitive. But it’s not. You can’t even say, “Oh, they left it as a mystery on purpose,” because the supernatural elements make it impossible to definitively confirm anything unless the author outright says, “This is what happened.” This isn’t a realm of logical deduction—it’s all up to the author’s intent.

Still, I feel the only way any of this explanation makes sense is if my interpretation is correct. I'm never so entitled but I really can't think of a better explanation. In that case, the author should’ve clarified things.

At least I think I got the emotional beats right??; Who else thought after chapter 154 that the context of chapter 160 would come back again? I don’t think many people did. But if you consider Kamiki’s characterization, this should be it. It makes sense that this would happen!; But if that’s the case, it immediately invalidates everything Aqua has done so far. I think that's why they had him rebut him swiftly. What's the point of including those if what Kamiki said isn't the truth? Why include those scenes then? I say Kamiki's stated the truth right there, the lie about it would that he now does intend to hurt people to some extent in order to get Ai back. Since he's given up being kind after what's happened.

And Kamiki—he was 19 at the time. Did him showing Ryosuke a toothbrush really provoke him to kill Ai? That’s more about how terrible Ryosuke was. Do you think Kamiki explicitly told him to go kill or harm Ai? He definitely wouldn't have. If he had, Nino would’ve said so—she would’ve told on it. Why wouldn’t she? What probably happened is that Kamiki’s ability to “guide” people (michihiraki) twisted and drove others in evil directions. It didn’t suddenly make them bad people either; it just amplified their darker tendencies.

Honestly, I can’t stop thinking about this character. Based on the accusations against him, it makes it hard to believe he was a good person… but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s been misjudged. It’s like when someone in prison for a heinous crime still seems suspiciously innocent. That bothers me a lot, you know, so I keep bringing it up because it feels unjust.

I never believed he was completely innocent of course, but…

Even until the very end!!!;;; They left things so ambiguous.

Still, one thing is certain: he genuinely loved Ai and couldn’t live without her. Looking at his backstory, it makes sense why he is so, but there seems to be a deeper, external narrative at play here. It feels like he’s on the level of a husband god who can’t live without his wife. Why else would the Aratate Shrine show up? Why did he listen to Ruby’s wish? He’s that god—the god of light! That’s why the white star shone too!

Wasn’t it Ai and Kamiki together who granted Ruby’s wish in 147? That’s why it came true. The white star must be Ai. She became a star! How can a regular person become a star? Ai is Ame-no-Uzume! She returned to the heavens, while Kamiki, being an earthly god, couldn’t follow her. That’s why, like in the Mephisto song, he kept wishing upon the stars and striving to be with her. He was desperate. Collecting Ai’s light? It was all out of desperation.

If only the story had explained this clearly, it would’ve made so much more sense.

And if he’s a god, it’s understandable that he might grow disillusioned after protecting humans all this time. It’s not like he handled it well. But in the life he lived as a human, aside from Ai, he didn’t have a single good relationship; he was probably an incredibly benevolent god who ended up falling into corruption.

It’s such an exhausting manga.

If nothing stood out to me, maybe I could’ve just moved on. But because it’s all so vague, it lingers in my mind.

I once said before I wished I could feel nothing about this because it's painful, and it would’ve been easier. Once I finish what I’m working on, I just want to let go. No matter what comes next—whether there’s a third season—I won’t care. I’m not watching season 3. Why would I, after an ending like this? I don’t want to watch Aqua die. Even if I like Kamiki and Ai a lot, and the movie arc is actually my favorite, watching it would just be painful.

I also don’t trust the authors to handle the characters properly anymore. If this is how the story ends, they’ll likely turn Kamiki into some irredeemably evil villain for the sake of convenience in anime S3 because that's what's easier for the audience to handle and understand. And I’d hate that. They'll never explain this character in depth. They didn't do it in the source material, it's far too late to do that anytime now.

I have no expectations anymore. Do you think there’s any reason to hope for something good? It’ll just be painful.

I don’t usually speak this way about a work, but I guess I'm really disappointed. To have a fan this dedicated to feel this way, haha...

well, the authors can do what they want, I have my feelings too. If only they explain things!!!;;; but now, I don't want to care, I keep preparing for the worst to come, I don't want to be disappointed anymore, so I hope I lose my expectations and even some degree of my love for it so that it doesn't affect me as much. And that's a lot to say.. for me to wish to say I want to lose my feelings for something. I felt terrible reading the ending though and I don't want to feel that way again. That's what I get for having read this manga, huh. Maybe I only want the love to last but you can't have both...that's impossible.

it really hurts to love something sometimes, I don't want to think I loved the wrong thing, and I learned a lot from it, but it's sad I couldn't be as happy about it as I thought it would.

[quixoticanarchy]

been staring at my laptop for like 5 hrs and have not worked on any Project™ in all that time. could admit defeat and go to bed but nah i better stick it out for another hour or so just in case something changes

[fishareglorious]

why were they doing duels in court in chapter 4. is it a actual normalized thing for their world or saint pavlov just makes the defendant and the prosecution throw hands to see who comes out the victor. do they do it for every corruption case. can we watch madam z wrestle then dump a mug full of hot coffee on constantine's face godot ace attorney style for the whole breakout incident and for multiple instances of child murders

[bipolaritysucksbutslaps]

finishing writing a fic is all fun and jokes until you realise you don't have a purpose in life anymore

[spiriteddreams]

the problem with being a writer is that i have to write and somehow i’ve found every excuse to do anything but that

[moonchild-in-blue]

Slept in today so here's last night's dream:

I dreamt that Vessel had two original songs that had never been released but were floating around somewhere called "Trail" and ? [can't remember], and we wanted him to release those?

And then he was doing a small gig but he was dressed with the Fall For Me outfit (the beanie and hoodie jacket) but with his current mask on. And he sang those two songs, but the show was lowkey underwater? Like we all had water up to our chests, and his shirt was soaked wet (not in a sexy way, just very pathetically).

And then we started talking??? I can't remember what it was about exactly, but I remember him being so chill and funny and pleasant to talk to, and he laughed a lot, and uhhhhh yeah. That was it 🙂👍

[oceanwithouthermoon]

kubosai... save me...

kubosai

save me kubosai