#let go of her past and guilt and went on to live a peaceful life in Olathe

[niko-ur-local-moron]

my quick take on an adult Buddy (let the girl smile goddammit!!)

[midnightcrw]

would you write about how simon and his wife met? moving in together and the proposal? i like the idea of his partner proposing to him but whatever you wanna write is fine to me ilysm take care♥️

Rest

Pairing: Simon Ghost Riley x fem!reader

Summary: Simon lets his inner child rest

a/n: Writing this made me feel insanely emotional. It has not been the best few weeks for me and I really wanted to write for this request. I have never felt loved before, which is why I focused on writing this more about Simon. Everyone deserves to be loved and cared for, which is why this one hit me a little hard, but I'm happy with the outcome. I just wanted to show a bit of an emotional side of Simon, which I was inspired by in my own one-shot, "Mama's Boy." I think the reader being a florist fits perfectly with the whole Daisy thing and Simon's past with his mother, so I went with it. I'm also incredibly sorry that it took so long to write this, but I hope that you'll like it.

Meeting for the first time:

It was peaceful outside. The birds were chirping, while the laughter and chatter of the people could be heard. And that was usually a good thing.

Not hearing gunshots, screams, and explosions should always be good, but somehow it didn't feel that way to Simon.

It had been a week since his last mission had ended and he could go home, but it didn't feel right.

It was hard to describe. The thrill and adrenaline of the missions always kept him awake, while when he had free time, there was nothing to distract him.

And how he wished his thoughts would stop, but they never did.

His mother's birthday was coming up, and even though she was long gone, he still felt that aching in his chest. He wanted to cry and scream, but at the same time it was impossible that this would ever happen.

At the same time, he felt suffocated, but he could still breathe, and that confused him more than anything else. His footsteps took him further down the early morning street while he wasn't even concentrated on his surroundings.

He missed his mother and his family, though the memories weren't really the best, they still held his past self tightly.

Simon always hated himself, especially his younger self. He knew it wasn't his fault, but the guilt remained, almost as if it was tattooed deep into his skin, the ink seeping through every layer.

He wished there was another universe where things would be better, if not for him, then at least for those he had loved and cared about.

And without realizing it, he found himself in a small shop. And how out of place he looked.

The shop was filled with pastel colors, simple and colorful at the same time, while he could smell the different scents of the flowers he was surrounded by.

The daisies were the first to catch his eye. They were his mother's favorite flowers and he still remembered every single thing his mother used to tell him about them and how she always took a few Daisy's home with her.

Simon let out a shaky breath as he suddenly felt hot. He wasn't going to cry and he knew it. He could never cry, not even for those he loved.

"Sir, are you all right?" Hearing the soft voice of a woman, he turned his head until he met the face of the stranger standing behind the counter.

"Everything's fine," Simon rasped out, and only if he knew how much his life would change after this brief interaction.

Moving in together:

"Simon! Did you take the box already?" Your voice echoed through the currently empty room of the house.

"I did," Simon replied as he put the box down. And with that, you nodded and made your way outside to get some of your things.

While you did so, Simon stood in your empty living room. Everything looked so empty, but he could picture it all in his mind.

He could imagine how the two of you would decorate the whole house to make it a comfortable place and somehow it made him feel excited in his chest.

This usual aching feeling in his chest was somehow much better now. It didn't feel suffocating like before, but rather a peaceful feeling.

A few years ago, he would have felt troubled to do anything outside of his job, but now it didn't feel that way anymore.

It was almost as if he was getting closer to having peace. And as if the child of himself was finally outside, enjoying the sunny weather as he ran around the field, finally smiling.

It felt like something was lifting off his shoulders and giving him room to breathe freely.

"You okay?" Your voice made itself heard as you put a hand on his shoulder and looked up at him with a worried look on your face.

Simon just nodded, unable to answer, afraid that his voice would break as soon as a single word left his lips.

And the moment a smile found its way to your lips, Simon was left breathless as the sunlight shone on your face, making you look even more beautiful.

His heart rate increased and that's when he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

Proposal:

The weather was fine outside as he looked out the window and saw people walking down the street with smiles on their faces.

Yet he felt restless.

Simon had never felt so nervous, and it reminded him of the time before he had met you.

The suffocating feeling returned as his heart ached, but it wasn't because he was sad or unhappy with you.

It had something to do with the weight in his pocket, and since he'd been carrying it around, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

He finally wanted to do it. To make you his and his alone and he made his decision.

Nodding to himself, Simon tried to stop his discouraging thoughts as he made his way to the kitchen, where you were currently standing, waiting for the pancake to turn out the way you wanted.

But even you were restless. You were deep in thought, but conscious enough to notice Simon as you bit your lip.

You wanted to get it out of your chest, even though you were afraid of how he would react.

Finally coming to your decision, you turned down the heat of the stove as you turned around to look at him.

And there he was, your Simon.

The man you had fallen in love with, the man your heart beat for, and the man you couldn't even imagine living without.

Breathing heavily, you encouraged yourself as you finally pulled out the small red case containing a single ring, just for Simon.

And the moment his eyes looked down to see the case, Simon's eyes widened as you opened it to reveal the wedding band.

"I-" Before you could get out a single word, Simon interrupted you with a swift 'wait' as he pulled out a case of his own.

His fingers opened the case, revealing a beautiful ring to your eyes, which became as wide as his.

Without a word, you closed the red case tightly in the palm of your hand as you threw your arms around his torso, your heart pounding furiously in your chest.

As your arms tightened around him and a small 'yes' left your lips, a single tear rolled down Simon's face.

And with that, the aching in his chest and the suffocating feeling left him as he finally felt free.

He let the troubled child inside of him rest in a peaceful sleep as he held you close to him, never wanting to let go.

Simon didn't even feel an ounce of hatred towards himself, he finally felt like he deserved something he longed for.

[starzzmissthesun]

drop the bartylus song explanations bestie (pls pls plssss plsplss)

Hiiii!!!! Sorry this a little late I've been a little busy the past couple days! This ones definitely gonna be a long one, but i might skip a few songs, so if their are any other ones you'd like to hear about lmk!! Some of these i associate with one of them in particular rather than both. The relation to them and the song is not necessarily what i interpret the song as, but just how it fits and relates to them!!! (also guys dont judge me for the music taste)

Trees-Mcafferty

So this one is very much like catholic/religious guilt, but is even just like being in a family and culture (like the purebloods, like the blacks) that is very very homophobic and strict. The first verse says "my mom was a christian, my dad is an alchie, i bet that he kills me", this to me is very regulus in the whole, walburga being someone who was brought up in a strict and 'be perfect' way, which she then puts onto her kids. And orion someone who is way harder on them, no room for repenting, just damnation. Though they both could represent this song, for they both had such controlling and strict home lives. I feel like it also, especially towards the ends of the song, talks about being different and "wrong" and a freak, feeling just so outcasted and trying to fit in, but never being able to.

If I Saw Him, Id Still Kiss Him-Mcafferty

This is veryyyy Barty's POV after Regulus died. It describes a house filled with ghosts and memories. Barty wishing they ran away instead "Lets go to italy, just you and me, i think wed really like it there", thinking that maybe regulus wouldnt have had the fate he did if they left the whole war behind. It describes the depression and loss of self/hope throughout the rest of this war. The verse from "took a picture of a picture" to "Get to New York for the sunsets" to me, describes how regulus had a different relationship to him than anyone else. I mean this song to me is especially sad if you think of it as they never really got together it was just an almost/what if?

Blue Eyes Like The Devils Water-Mcafferty

This is another Barty POV song to me, but its overall just a description of them being in bad situations and them falling for each other was just making everything better and worse at the same time. This shows how they were kind of raising themselves, both parents ignoring them so long as they do what theyre supposed to. It's just the two of them kind of deal.

The Lions Den-Mcafferty

Another song about them going down together, Barty POV again too. He sees Regulus falling more and more into this dark obsession and going down together. I especially think of the lions den as The Cave, especially in a Barty went with him Au. Him watching regulus getting pulled down everywhere, in his dreams, in real life, hallucinations. "I still remember his eyes on mine" The guilt consuming him, wishing he went with him too. Going crazy because of it "Let me break, let me slip to the bottom of this hill, let my body fall into the pit, into the lions den" and "this is just a bad dream, everybody wakes up soon" convincing himself its not real, that one day hell wake up and regulus will be ok, so everything is. Or the "waking up" is death, he wishes to fall under the water aswell, to die, to be at peace with regulus.

Alligator Skin Boots-Mcafferty

This song is regulus when he's had his change of mind, when he's decided to sacrifice. It starts with him kind of comparing himself to his parents and their complacency and their being messed up. Then from "Im cold to the touch" to then end, is him in the cold waters dying, for his friends who are now in the order, and hoping the others will be safe once the war is over, too.

Pine Point-PUP

Ok so this ones very special to me for them! To me, its them both looking at each other as they go their own way once they've lost each other in the war. "where i kept my eye on the prize, it was you" Barty going crazy after loosing reg, Regulus seeing barty get more and more into the death eater stuff right as he is changing his mind. They have such a intertwined history and memories. Now they're both praying they're doing right for the other, and that the other is doing something right. Bonus points for this song: mentions of loosing an older brother, also just like an awesome breakdown riff.

Just gonna saying im not gonna go into the pheobe bridgers ones rn cause soo many of her songs are them (specifically reg's pov in my mind) but if anyone wants me to, lmk.

Geyser-Mitski

This is the yearning for your best friend song!!! Like just being like, "is this not enough? i have everything, yet i still want to be more with you" To me, its so them cause of the "ive turned down every hand that has beckoned me" cause i think they never would even consider being with anyone else, its JUST the other for them. And also "I will be the one you need, i just cant be without you" is their obsession and need to be with eachother, and the way they idolize each other, the need to be congruent. The whole song just describing a love so strong it builds up inside you, it calls to you, but pushing it down ruins you from the inside out.

Old friend-Mitski

This is in a scenario where they've broken up(which would never be by their choice imo). Idk i feel like if they ever broke up, itd be similar vibes to these lines: "I havent told anyone, just like we promised, have you?" "everytime i drive through the city where youre from i squeeze a little" "Ill take anything you give me". Do you see the vision?? Drowning mention too!!! It's more of a mentally/emotional drowning(like in depression/insanity, etc). in my mind the "someone whos loves me now, better than you" would be less of a literal statement, and more of a hope or a wish. Like they each would be unable to be together because they each have to be with a person who is "better" for them, since they enable each other to be really themselves. It's denial that they actually want the love the other gives.

Me and my husband AND two slow dancers-Mitski

Literally regulus as he's drowning in the cave. He's remembering barty, all of their shared memories, and praying that theyll "stick together" like they always have. Two slow dancers, maybe his afterlife. Or his last thoughts that lull him to "sleep". In the chaos of the hands and air squeezing out of his lungs, hes brought back to a memory of them. They both wish they could go back to before the whole mess, "to think that we could stay the same" hes criticizing himself for hoping the two of them could join this war and stay as they were.

I will-Mitski

ok, picture me this: regulus lives AU!! Maybe Barty went with him, or found him, or reg goes to him after the cave, but nonetheless!!! He's weak, hes scared for defecting, theyre both at odds. But all Barty can do is take care of him, and reassure his fears, though he, himself, is feeling those as well. Just like listen to the lryics:(((

Crack Baby-Mitski

This is Regulus watching Barty get more and more obsessive over Voldemort, as he's slowly doing the opposite. Reg knows Barty doesn't notice and doesn't know why he craves this approval, but Regulus does, he can tell. "With wild horses running through your hollow bones" that father figure voldemort is to barty is something he need so bad, its unstoppable. Just like that, dark magic, the murder. He caught a taste of it, and he can't go back.

Once more to seeyou- Mitski

(starts shaking) They can't be seen together, not just the homophobia of the time, and pretentiousness of their families, but their families hating each other. "but with everybody watching us, our every move, we do have reputations" GOD tell me that's not them!! They are both in such "important" families, for two opposing beliefs, that taught them they must hold themselves to high expectations to keep up the family name. Everyone's eyes are on them both!!! Rumours start easy!!! "and felt the taste of you bubble up inside me" Having so much love for each other, but having to hide it!!! It destroys you!!! Having to hide your emotions and wants not just in public, but to your family as well, and just wanting and yearning for the fairytale domesticity!!!

Im your man-Mitski

Everyone's like, this is barty to reg. NO!!! Its regulus to barty!!! REGULUS was the one who grew up in the pureblood culture/beliefs, he might've been the one to convert barty, to introduce him to it. i could quote the entire song, but i wont... BUT!! This is, to me, Regulus towards the end of his life. He's changed his mind, and now he sees how he destroyed Barty, how he guided him to voldemort, and told him all of his beliefs. How, in his old, skewed view of the world, he was "turning" barty away from what he now saw as the right way. He wishes barty chose someone else, who wouldnt've done that. And now, standing at the edge of the water, he can feel his death, his fate coming close. He knows that it was his choice to be so horrible. And now, after leading barty astray, hes leaving him there, hes betraying not only voldemort, but the love of his life.

The frost-Mitski

Barty's all alone. All of his friends are dead, his family is gone, regulus is missing and betrayed him. "youre my best friend, now ive no one to tell, how i lost my best friend" he not only lost regulus, he lost the only person who would truly know how he feels about it. He feels resentful towards regulus, not for betraying him, but that he was never told!! did he forget? did he think he wouldnt understand? Did something change? Did nothing change and he never really knew Regulus like he thought he did? Should he have seen it coming, but he was to busy pretending everything was ok? "but me, i was hiding, or forgotten"

Heaven-Mitski

Either one of them POV reminiscing over the last time they were together, regulus before his death, and barty after regulus' death. Equating their love to heaven, the love they have for eachother is religious. Very love song by LDR. Both sensing their fate coming near, the calm before the storm. Regulus knows hes going on a self sacrificing mission, and barty knows his mind is unraveling quicker and quicker as the days go on.

When memories snow-Mitski

"and if i break, could i go on break? be back in my room, writing speeches in my head" Barty is crazed with guilt, hes breaking. Hes replaying the last conversation, moment, argument, touch, glance, anything he had with regulus. Looking for anything different he could have done instead that wouldve changed the outcome. His memories are mixing together, he cant remember what actually happened and when. Those memories snow and they obscure his view of reality.

Early sunsets over monroeville-MCR

STOP!!! Barty is grieving!!!! "running away and hiding with you, i never thought theyd get me here." him staying down low enough that he wasnt suspected to be a DE, he ran away from his dad to be a DE. He thought they could never find him, and now his soul is close to being taken from him, til hes nothing. all he has left are jumbld memories. "but would anything matter if youre already dead? and should i be shocked by the last thing you said?" The betrayal means nothing, for regulus is dead, who is he supposed to be mad at? and maybe he shouldve seen it coming, maybe there were signs. He can never go back. "and in saying you loved me made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing as your body remains" Regulus loving him makes the hurt only worse, and admitting that to himself hurts even more. No matter any scenario in which he said something different, where he begged regulus not to go, or that hed leave with him, or they never joined in the first place matter, because regulus is still dead, his body is still at the bottom of that lake.

Living legend-Lana Del Rey

This is Regulus POV!!!! He worships Barty, he idolizes him. "..all the things you do, and the ways you move, send me straight to heaven." He regrets never telling Barty just how much he loved him, and he regrets having to betray him "and darling i never meant to defy you" This is set to me, once again, once hes changed his mind and is going on his mission. "I never meant to be bad or unwell, i was just lving on the edge right between heaven and hell, and im tired of it." trying to balance how he feels about barty once hes switched beliefs, he still is utterly devoted to barty and loves him, but they now have these huge opposing beliefs. and he cant help but blame himself. That part right after the last chorus that is just "why?" over and over and over again.

Mojo Pin-Jeff Buckley

This song is literally describing still feeling your lover there, long after they are gone, and feeling conflicted about how you should feel. "Dont want to weep for you, dont want to know" maybe barty is conflicted, he doesnt want to know what happened to reg or why, he knows he wont like the answer. he doesnt want to accept regulus is gone, and he doesnt want to accept why hes gone. "oh the welts of your scorn. my love, give me more, send whips of opinion down my back, give me more" Barty has now changed his mind, he realizes that he would rather know, he would rather regulus had gave him reason, then he couldve gone with him, and maybe he wouldnt be dead. As long as he's still getting something tangible from his lost lover.

Oh my GOD!!! go listen to ghost of you by My Chemical Romance, every single lyric is barty after regulus died, im not doing this one, cause id have to to just say every line, but PLEASE look at the lyrics and think of them!!! JUst some of the lines are: "if i died wed be together", "all the things that you never ever told me", "ever get the feeling that youre never alone?", "And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me" like please somebody help barty!!!

Yours, mine, hours-mcafferty

So, first of all, this song switches from regulus' POV to barty's at the lyric "and i wrote all of my songs..." just to be clear. Regulus wants to be the perfect son for his family, and he takes it too far in the process. "and you are innocent, at least you wish you finally were, you gotta keep your head up, but not too high, cause youll lose sight of what youve got" He doesnt realize barty is in the DE stuff just as deep as himself until hes changed his mind. "and im sorry, my love, that i ruined what we had" hes betraying barty, hes abandoning them. Then every line from bartys POV is just perfect. "he says 'i miss my brother, but hes not coming home, and i know that hes better, so its tie to grow up'." i mean COME ON? "you were my best friend, so i will love you 'til the very, very end" They both have so much guilt and regret and have wronged each other, but they still cant bring themselves to hate each other.

Anyways! im done for now!!! but if anyone wants my thoughts about them (about anything really) in relation to a song lmk!!it doesnt have to be angsty! also sorry if this is long and doesnt make sense:/

[scenearcee]

I never even thought about the fact that I accidentally paralleled the Simulanka event in a NeuviFuri fic I wrote several months ago 😭😭

~~~~

“…This feels like torture. He has no use for me, he was a priority victim of my lies, and yet he continues to be a benevolent figure to me. I don’t understand, not one bit, why he sees anything in this shell of a human being that could have been…” Tears well in her eyelashes, falling down her masked cheeks. “I pretended to be the one thing he hated most for centuries, I played a false opera and danced across the stage as the people of Fontaine were dying. He condemned my sins in front of the entire nation, and yet he still seeks my favor. Is this my punishment? Is he doing this on purpose, disingenuously to toy with my mind? To give me reward, only to take it away once I feel peace?” A tidal wave of sobs ripples forth, as if an ocean during a thunderstorm. She clutches the tulle on the skirt of her gown, letting her feelings spill to the kind stranger standing before her, absorbing everything she has to say. The guilt in her eyes is overwhelming, agonizingly apologetic. “I’m a traitor. I deserve exile, and yet I am tortured instead. Sometimes, I wish that I died with Focalors, so I didn’t have to keep living like this.”

A painfully familiar sting bounces through Wanderer’s chest, and he puts his hand on her shoulder to both get her attention and steady himself. Visions of his past flashing through his mind- Irminsul, swords, electro energy coursing through his veins. His breathing is labored. “... No you don’t. I know you think you do… but you don’t. Like it or not, there’s people in Teyvat who treasure you, and they’ll be a pain in the ass until you turn yourself around.” His eyes lock with Furina’s, which are poised in shock and anxiety. “I tried to erase myself from Irminsul, I made an attempt to destroy my own existence, and it was mostly successful- until Lord Kusanali, Aether, and Paimon fought tooth and nail to make sure I was still kicking. As annoying as it may have seemed, these people went to great lengths to give me a good life, and you aren’t any different. Your god went to great lengths to keep you safe and alive. Your loved ones here in Fontaine will push for you, whether you like it or not. It’s clear to anyone with a pair of eyes and ears that you don’t value yourself enough. I’m not the first to say it, and I definitely won’t be the last either. Furina, your life does matter to people. Your happiness is contagious, and there is no benefit in wishing you were dead. No matter how torturous this attention from the Iudex may seem, you are loved, you are being loved, and your walls are too fortified to let any of that in.” His gaze softens, and the heavy solemnity releases from his lungs like the lid being taken off of a pressure cooker. Their eyes lock, and the skin under his eye forms a crack as if he were made of porcelain, if he were fragile and breaking under pressure. Waves of reassurance ebb and flow from the eyes he is staring into, just a few inches away.

Furina removes his hand from her shoulder and interlaces his fingers with his. A whisper of a smile tugs at the corners of her lips, which are still covered with translucent fabric. “Oh believe me, Wanderer… I’m fortunate enough to know that I am cared for, and I’ve been there with the Traveler and Paimon. If anyone knows how to be an annoying hero, it’s those two.” She gives his hand a squeeze, and her smile manifests itself. “...but I appreciate your insight, and I think I’m ready to go home for the night. This was nice, thank you. I… I treasure your friendship.”

“Then I won’t dilly dally about getting you home, Miss Furina.” He scoffs and rolls his eyes with a smirk as he guides her out of their darkened hiding spot. Laughing together, holding hands and interchanging jokes as they walk out together, TOGETHER. Facing the world, starting with this crowded dance floor, headed to the front entrance, the massive double doors that led them to this party in the first place. That is, until a certain blonde with a silver fairy comes into their line of sight. Into their path of walking.

~~~

me when I write a neuvifuri fic but I'm also a scararina shipper and left in some crumbs

anyway I accidentally predicted that Wanderer is just a caring dude that wants to keep others from feeling the same way he did and he's more than willing to be there even though he didn't have someone until it was too late

[swan-of-sunrise]

Taking Care of Business (Chapter Thirty-Two)

Summary: Din and (Y/N) try and ultimately fail to repair IG-11 and after a discouraging visit to a droidsmith's workshop, they decide that their best chance at repairing the loyal droid lay with Peli Motto.

Pairing: Din Djarin X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: So, how did you guys like the season finale? I thought it was pretty good and it gave me lots of ideas for the future of this fic lol but until then, we’re still on Nevarro for the moment. Thank you for reading and I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Thirty-Two The Droid (Previous Chapter)

“If I knew that you were this skilled at rewiring I would’ve had you work on the Razor Crest much more often,” Din remarked as he worked alongside (Y/N) to repair IG-11; there wasn’t much of the droid left in the wake of its self-destruction to work on, but the wiring was complex and thanks to his wife’s precise touch, she could handle even the most delicate wires without inadvertently damaging them more than they already were.

(Y/N) smiled but kept her eyes focused on her work. “Just like a bounty hunter to suggest that. Would you have had me clean your weapons and carbon-freeze all your bounties for you, too?”

“Perhaps it’s better that you stuck to flying the ship; I hear that smugglers tend to think that anything outside of piloting is too taxing on them.”

His wife glanced away from her soldering long enough to give him a playful glare and as she went back to work, she mumbled under her breath, “Keep talking like that, and I might just have to put a stop to our usual nighttime activities; you know, since apparently anything outside of piloting is too taxing on me.”

Beneath his helmet, Din smirked at the captain’s teasing threat. “Mir’sheb.” While they both started to finish repairing the droid’s wiring, his smile slowly faded and he was filled with a familiar sense of guilt.

Their honeymoon on Naboo had been an absolute dream; they spent their days playing with Grogu and exploring the Lake Country of (Y/N)’s beloved homeworld, and their nights were spent locked in each other’s passionate embrace. But, as with all dreams, it came to an end when Din decided to seek out the Living Waters and atone for his transgression against the Creed. He felt guilty enough as he explained his plan to his wife, but his guilt compounded when she readily agreed and he spotted the quick flash of disappointment in her eyes before she could hide it. (Y/N) had lived a life that was nothing short of traumatic; she never knew her father, she’d lost her mother and was forced to flee her homeworld of Naboo when she was only twelve, she spent her adolescence engulfed in the dangerous life of a smuggler, and she’d witnessed the horrors of war firsthand as she worked to save thousands of lives on behalf of the Rebellion. If anyone was deserving of peace, it was her and yet, she chose to marry a Mandalorian apostate and become the co-caregiver to a powerful Force-wielding foundling. One day I’ll earn the love and trust she’s given me, he silently vowed as he studied her beautiful features, and one day she’ll have the peace she’s always desired but never truly experienced.

“There,” (Y/N) straightened and set down her soldering gun before removing her safety goggles and wiping the sweat off her brow. “He’s hooked up to power.”

“Let’s see if we can wake him up.” Din leaned past Grogu, who stood on the work table and had watched their progress with curious eyes, and held two exposed wires together until they finally sparked and smoked; when IG-11 remained motionless, Greef shot him a knowing look but Din remained hopeful that the droid would wake. After a tense moment, the droid’s hand began to twitch and his lights flickered on as he started to sit up, and Din started to smile underneath his helmet.

The High Magistrate chuckled in amazement. “There you go!”

(Y/N) beamed and Grogu let out a delighted coo as IG-11 struggled to speak. “Sub-paragraph sixteen-teen-teen…of t-the Bondsman Guild protocol w-waiver…” Din froze and his heart hammered in his chest as the droid’s familiar words. “Immediately produce said…the bounty is mine. Asset to be terminated.”

IG-11’s lights turned red and he lunged towards Grogu, but Din quickly scooped the child up into his arms and backed away; the droid rolled itself onto the ground and started to crawl towards them, and Din was forced to draw his blaster and fire. The blaster fire did nothing to deter IG-11, so he looked up and over at (Y/N). “Alor’ad!”

(Y/N) held her arms out and caught Grogu after Din tossed him across the room, cradling the child against her chest and drawing her own blaster as IG-11 started crawling in her direction. Greef wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her backwards as he shouted, “Mando, shoot it! Shoot it!”

Din and (Y/N)’s blaster fire started to slow the droid down, but it wasn’t until Greef’s protocol droid shoved a metallic bust of its master onto IG-11’s head that the droid finally shut down for good. The three of them breathed a sigh of relief and Din holstered his blaster with a weary shrug. “Now that’s using your head.”

His wife groaned at his terrible joke and shook her head in exasperation before giving the protocol droid a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“I think he defaulted to his old programming…”

Greef huffed out a humorless laugh. “You think? Come, I may have a solution to your problem…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There’s still a chance we could bypass IG-11’s old programming and rewire his circuitry,” (Y/N) remarked as she handed Grogu a piece of candy. The three of them walked down one of Nevarro’s less crowded streets, with Din pushing a hover-cart piled high with the droid’s parts and Grogu seated next to them and both Greef and (Y/N) walking alongside it. “It’ll be a two-person job, of course. One doing the rewiring while the other prepares to smash its head in just in case…”

“That’s too big a job for you two to do by yourself.” Greef gestured at the city surrounding them and smiled. “Fortunately, Nevarro has attracted the best droidsmiths of the Outer Rim; they’ll have IG back to his old self in no time!”

Beneath his helmet, Din grimaced in doubt. “Are you sure they’re up for it? I don’t think we can handle him with all his limbs if things go scud.”

“Why don’t you ask ‘em for yourself?”

Din frowned and glanced around the empty street. “Who?”

“The Anzellans.”

(Y/N) nudged Din’s arm and gestured to the base of the building beside them; there were two doors, one small and one slightly larger, and standing outside of the smaller door was a grumbling Anzellan with safety goggles resting on his wrinkled head. “Whadda want?”

Greef took a knee – careful not to get too much dirt on his High Magistrate robes – and pointed to the hover-cart. “Could you take a look at my friends’ droid and see if you can’t fix it?”

“C’mon, c’mon,” The Anzellan pointed to the larger door before disappearing back into the building.

Shrugging, (Y/N) got down onto the ground and crawled into the droidsmith’s workshop and as Grogu hopped down to follow, Din shot Greef a look; the High Magistrate simply shrugged and nodded towards the opening. “I promise you, these are the best droidsmiths that money can buy. Just give ‘em a chance, hey, Mando?”

Din heaved a sigh but relented, crawling into the workshop after his wife and foundling and doing his best to sit comfortably in the cramped space while Greef shoved the remains of IG-11 in for the Anzellans to examine. While they waited for the crew of droidsmiths to finish with their assessment, (Y/N) pulled out the knapsack she was making for Grogu and worked some more on it and Grogu, unused to seeing creatures that were his own size, watched the Anzellans work with unabashed fascination in his wide eyes.

After several minutes of unsuccessful soldering, the head droidsmith shook his tiny head in disappointment. “No. Can’t fix. No, no, no. The broken.”

“…Um, okay…”

“The broken. It broke.”

Din sighed. “I don’t understand. Do you speak Huttese?”

“Mando, he said he can’t fix it,” Greef called out from his spot at the workshop’s entrance.

“That’s no good, I need this one.” He pointed at the droid’s remains and then back at himself. “This one’s my friend.”

The Anzellan merely shook his head. “It no friend anymore. Memory circuit broken.”

“He says the memory circuit is shot!”

(Y/N) scooted forward and gave the head droidsmith a patient smile. “Can you put a new one in?”

“No, no, no, no. Not work,” The Anzellan declared and the other droidsmiths chattered in agreement. “Don’t make new one. Very hard to find.”

“He said they don’t make ‘em anymore! They’re very hard to find!”

Din’s jaw clenched in annoyance at Greef’s translation. “I got it.”

“Buy new droid, this one poodoo.” The droidsmiths all burst into laughter.

As (Y/N)’s hand gave the unarmored part of his arm a gentle squeeze of support, Din asked through gritted teeth, “Can you fix it without the memory circuit?”

“Yes, but IG no think.”

A sudden thought came to Din’s mind and after considering it for a moment, he followed the Anzellan’s statement with another question. “What if we find you the part?”

The lead droidsmith nodded. “Okay, now. Then no problem. We fix.”

(Y/N) was smiling as she turned to face Din. “You’re thinking of paying Peli a visit, aren’t you?”

“If anyone’s got an IG memory circuit, it’s her.” He rested his gloved hand atop hers and nodded. “We’ll visit her after we go to Kalevala-”

“No! No! No! No! No!” They quickly looked over to see Grogu pulling the lead droidsmith into a tight hug. “No, down, down!”

Din stretched an arm out across the workshop to separate the two. “No, Grogu, he’s not a pet.”

“No, squeezie, not squeeze! Not squeeze!” When Din set the droidsmith down away from the child’s eager arms, he shook his head and scolded, “Bad baby! Oh, he’s a bad baby!”

The captain winced and gave the Anzellan an apologetic look. “Sorry about that. He’s young.”

“Bad baby, bad baby.” Grogu waited for a beat before lunging at the screaming Anzellan again. “Oh!”

“No, Grogu!” Both Din and (Y/N) reached out to grab the overexcited foundling and once he was safely nestled in (Y/N)’s arms, he finally started to relax his tense shoulders; after a quick trip to see an old friend on Tatooine, IG-11 would be back online in no time and they’d finally be ready to visit Mandalore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that day, Greef watched as Din and (Y/N) climbed up into the starship and prepared for take-off. “We hope to see you three back here soon.”

“Keep IG-11 safe until we get back with that part,” Din requested as the captain input their coordinates for Kalevala.

The High Magistrate nodded but remained unconvinced of their plan. “If the Anzellans can’t find it, I don’t know who can.”

“Usually I’d agree, but I wouldn’t bet against Peli Motto,” (Y/N) remarked with a bright smile. “It was good to see you again, High Magistrate.”

Greef returned her grin with one of his own. “Safe travels.”

After sliding the windshield into place overhead, (Y/N) powered up the starfighter’s engines and eased the ship up into the clear blue sky. “All right, next stop: Bo-Katan.” They exited Nevarro’s upper atmosphere and the lights illuminating the ship’s dashboard began to flicker. “Dank farrik…” She gave the dashboard a light smack to fix it and chuckled as Grogu crawled into her lap with an inquisitive coo. “It’s okay, little guy, sometimes a planet’s atmosphere messes with a ship’s power. Our maps and charts are still functioning, so we’re good!”

“Being a Mandalorian’s not just learning about how to fight,” Din commented, resting one hand on his wife’s side and rubbing the child’s large ear with the other. “You also have to know how to navigate the galaxy, because you never know where you might be headed next.”

Grogu babbled in interest and looked between them both as (Y/N) began pointing at the various indicators on the ship’s dashboard. “This here’s your hyperspace map; you see how it shows the asteroid field we’re flying past? You determine your range by looking at your fuel gage, that’s right over here. And this-” An alarm began to blare and the cockpit was lit up with a red warning light. “Is your enemy proximity warning indicator.”

Din’s brow furrowed as he glanced around the empty space surrounding their starfighter and spotted the three snubfighters approaching from behind. “Hang on, kid, we got pirates…”

“Avast, Mandalorian!” The familiar voice of Vane the Nikto came through their ship’s communication radio. “You can’t just sneak away after cuttin’ down four of my brothers in cold blood. We’re Pirate King Gorian Shard’s men, now you’ll answer to him.”

(Y/N) rolled her shoulders and flexed her fingers in preparation before taking hold of the starship’s controls and replying, “Gorian Shard should stick to hijacking and ransoming.” Grogu slipped under the captain’s satchel strap and without warning, (Y/N) jerked the controls to send them shooting off into the nearby asteroid field.

Although he trusted (Y/N)’s piloting skills and had witnessed her pull off some remarkable flying in the past, he sat back and anxiously watched his wife dodge asteroids as the three pirates began firing at them. She steered the ship into a rapid corkscrew spin, and Din was forced to hold a giggling Grogu down to prevent him from falling out of his makeshift seat-belt; the three pirates continued their pursuit through the floating asteroids and as she smoothly exited the turning maneuver, the enemy proximity warning indicator sounded off while three more pirate ships approached from the side.

“Three more…” (Y/N) murmured under her breath but if anything, she sounded almost bored by the pirates’ attempt to lure her into a dogfight. Another sharp jerk of the controls sent them darting around more asteroids and after ducking under a particularly large one, she bent down to press a quick kiss onto Grogu’s wrinkled head. “Hold on tight, little guy.” She flipped the starfighter upside-down and sped over the top of the asteroid, firing at the unsuspecting pirates and managing to hit one of them, flying further into the asteroid field as the ship crashed into another asteroid and exploded. The five remaining pirate ships pursued them but with the dexterity of a true smuggler, (Y/N) maneuvered the starship behind a sizable asteroid without them noticing and waited for one to pass by before shooting it down.

“Head for that asteroid due east, it’s got a hollowed-out center,” Din suggested as he pointed to the asteroid floating in the distance.

(Y/N) sped off in its direction and flew the ship through the hollowed-out center, coming out of its other end just in time to shoot down a third pirate ship as it flew past. “Good call, sweetheart!” Twisting the controls to the side, the captain spun the ship around an asteroid and appeared behind the remaining three pirate ships, managing to shoot two of them down and race after the final ship but before she could shoot it, they came out of the asteroid field and were met with the sight of an enormous Cumulus Class Corsair before them. “Dank farrik,” (Y/N) cursed and Din’s eyes widened when he noticed the starship’s guns all pointed at their starfighter. “They’ve got a target lock on us…”

“Stop where you are, Pilot,” A grizzled voice came through the communication radio. “You’re outgunned.”

(Y/N) shifted in her seat but calmly replied, “It’s ‘Captain,’ actually.”

“Ah, Captain (Y/L/N), I might’ve known it was you!” Din’s brows shot up in surprise but he remained silent as the voice continued. “Turning your back on the smuggling life only to take up arms with a Mandalorian, I see.”

“We have no quarrel with you, Gorian Shard.”

“Ha! What a kind sentiment from a woman who just destroyed five of my fighters. Surrender your ship, and I will spare your lives…for old time’s sake.”

Din didn’t have to see his wife’s face to tell that she was rolling her eyes at the Pirate King’s offer. “Little guy?” Grogu cooed in interest as she flipped the cover off the Kineso-switch. “Never trust a pirate.”

With a push of the button, the starfighter shot off into space and past the Pirate King’s starship; while the child giggled in delight, she finished charting their course and launched them into hyperspace. “Well, that was exciting,” Din remarked with a proud smile, removing his helmet so that he could press kisses along her temple and down her cheek. “So, you had dealings with the Pirate King while you were a smuggler?”

“Only a handful, but Gorian Shard’s unpleasantness makes them pretty hard to forget.” (Y/N) took his helmet and held it upside-down so that Grogu could crawl inside, then turned her head to finally meet his gaze. “And apparently, I must’ve made quite the impression on him back in the day, otherwise he never would’ve remembered a scrappy smuggler like me.”

Din smiled at that. “You underestimate yourself, alor’ad. Everything about you, from your expert piloting skills down to your beautiful features, makes it impossible for one not to forget you. And speaking of your piloting skills, I’d happily show you just how much I admired them if we were alone right now.”

The captain grinned and kissed him as her fingers threaded through his hair, and she smiled against his lips when she finally pulled away. “In that case, can I possibly get a rain-check on that offer?”

“Mm-hmm,” He hummed and gave her another sweet kiss. “You can have whatever you want, alor’ad.”

While the starfighter traveled through the peaceful and quiet hyperspace and Grogu napped in his father’s beskar helmet, Din and (Y/N) spent their brief moments of calm engulfed in a world all their own, engaging in murmured conversation interspersed with plenty of kisses. It wasn’t much, of course, but it was time spent that Din cherished with all his heart, even more so as they came even closer to completing their newest mission.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is Kalevala,” Din spoke to Grogu as (Y/N) piloted the starfighter through the planet’s cloudy skies, smiling to himself when the child babbled in interest from his compartment in the back. “It’s another planet in the Mandalorian system, and that is a Mandalorian castle.”

(Y/N) whistled lowly as the grand Mandalorian castle perched on a cliff overlooking the ocean grew closer. “And here I thought my people were the dramatic ones when it comes to architecture…”

The starfighter lowered gracefully onto the castle’s landing pad and once the engines switched off, the windshield slid open and they were both pelted with rain as they climbed down. After releasing Grogu’s pram from his compartment, they walked up the stone steps and past a footman droid, entering the eerily silent castle and making their way down the main hall. Bo-Katan Kryze lounged across her throne, her expression blasé and almost disconnected as she looked away from the nearby window to fix their trio with a stare.

Din anxiously wet his lips before calling out, “Bo-Katan. It is Din Djarin and (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” They came to a stop before her throne’s dais. “We are here to join you.”

Bo-Katan’s expression didn’t change. “There’s nothing left to join.”

“What of your plans to retake Mandalore?” (Y/N) asked in confusion as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“When I returned without the Darksaber, my forces melted away.”

With a slight sense of guilt, Din exchanged a brief look with the captain standing beside him before glancing back up at the somber Mandalorian. “Where is the stolen fleet?”

“Making their way through the galaxy as mercenaries,” Bo-Katan replied, her eyes flicking over his form as she continued. “Do you still have the saber?”

“I do.”

“Then you lead them. Wave that thing around and they’ll do whatever you say.”

Din weighed his next words carefully. “So, you gave up your designs to retake Mandalore?”

The Mandalorian’s eyes hardened. “Your cult gave up on Mandalore long before the Purge. Where were you then?”

“Are you seriously blaming my husband for a massacre that happened when he was only a foundling?” (Y/N) demanded, her (Y/E/C) eyes filling with a dangerous gleam as she stepped forward. “Perhaps you should reflect on the failures of your homeworld’s leadership before placing the mark of blame on others.”

Bo-Katan hardly flinched at (Y/N)’s scathing retort. “The Children of the Watch and all the factions that came before fractured and shattered our people. No matter what conclusions can be drawn about my family’s leadership of Mandalore, Captain (Y/L/N), that remains an unmovable fact. Go home. There’s nothing left.”

(Y/N)’s jaw clenched but Din spoke up before she could. “We are going to Mandalore so that I may bathe in the Living Waters and be forgiven for my transgressions.”

“You are a fool,” She shook her head in derision. “There’s nothing magic about the mines of Mandalore; they supplied beskar ore to our ancestors and the rest is superstition. That planet has been ravaged, plundered and poisoned.”

“You said that the curse was a lie,” Din countered, his own irritation beginning to rise. “Make up your mind.”

Bo-Katan took a deep breath. “If you want to go to the mines, be my guest. They’re beneath the Civic Center in the city of Sundari.”

“Thank you.” Din placed a hand on the small of (Y/N)’s back and nodded. “And we will find out of the planet is really poisoned.”

They turned and as they walked back down the main hall, Din’s hand drifted down to slip into (Y/N)’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze as they walked out into the pelting rain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mando’a Translations:

Mir’sheb-Smart-ass Alor’ad-Captain

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and commenting! Oh, and I’ve created a Spotify playlist of all my favorite music from the world of Star Wars, so if you’re interested in checking it out the link is down below!

Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2KuSKJhVOPPvxdJ9YHeo4M?si=2977ff31bf0c4bdd

Chapter Thirty-Three

Taking Care of Business Masterlist  

Tagging: @remmysbounty​ @sinon36​ @seninjakitey​ @thatonedindjarinfan​ @ginger-swag-rapunzel​ @mostclevermiss​ @momc95​ @welcometothepedroverse​ @sarahjkl82-blog​ @elinedjarin​ @itsnottilly​ @crowleysqueenofhell​ @goldielocks2004 @wondergal2001​ @groovy-lady​ @impala1967666​ @fluffy-canada-pancakes​​

[aao1024]

Darlin'

Chapter 9

Series Masterlist

Warning: cursing, smut (finally)

As the day went on, they acted as though this had been their life for the past twenty years. Lee looks at her with admiration for being so loving and attentive to him. He loved the way she cared for him as if she was his wife, Y/n surpassed anything Florence ever did for Lee. He did not know how he could live without her by his side.

Y/n put herself in a routine while staying with Lee. Every morning is spent preparing breakfast and making a list of tasks that need done for the day. Y/n had been keeping up with the house chores as if that was her home.   

Her vacation days were coming to an end and she dreaded going back to her quaint apartment in the city. She loathed the idea of sleeping only with no one to hold her and bring her as much peace as Lee had over the past few weeks. Where she would make meals for herself and eat alone in unbearable silence. 

She stared at Lee with guilt, she hated the thought of packing her belongings and leaving him here to fend for himself like the lonesome bachelor he once was. She didn't want to have the conversation but she couldn’t just pack up and leave. The puppy love that they shared made any separation much more difficult than it needed to be. 

“Lee, I have to start packing tonight.” Y/n said with a saddened tone. 

“What are you talking ‘bout Darlin’, did I do something to upset you?” 

“Don’t be silly Lee, I’m not upset with you. I have to go back to work in a few days if I want to keep my job. So, I need to pack my things and go back to my place tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay Darlin’.” Lee said quietly. He looked like a child that had just broken their favorite toy. “I guess it has been a couple weeks now hasn’t it.”

Y/n heart broke at the sadness in his eyes and in his voice. She knew he would be okay without her but Lee is a sensitive man at heart and deep down dreaded being alone. Since he was not ready to go back to work he didn’t have anything to do except sit in his chair and wallow. 

“If it wasn’t for my job I would stay with you Lee, but I can’t lose my job. I can give you my phone number and you can call whenever you’d like.” She said in an effort to reassure him. 

She makes her way over to Lee in his chair. He looks up at her with sorrow and gestures for her to have a seat in his lap. She sat on his good leg and cuddled into his chest. He brought her into an embrace, holding her, afraid of losing her. Lee had never had someone care so much about him the way Y/n does. She made him feel like the only man in the world and he tried his best to make her feel the same. They sat quietly as Y/n rested her head on his chest and listened to the pounding of his heart and his steady breathing. They both stayed still in effort to make this moment last forever. Lee looked down and smiled at the sight in front of him, her breathing was heavy as she was resting in his embrace. Lee took his hand and brushed away the escaping locks of hair and tucked them behind her ear. He knew that no matter what would happen, he could never let her go. She was his breath of fresh air. He rubbed the outside of her thigh and made repetitive motions of drawing shapes and figures on her. 

Lee let her rest for a while before he woke her with a gentle brush of her cheek as he called her name. She slowly opened her eyes and was met with Lee’s smile. He had never smiled a lot in life but it was contagious when he did. As she attempted to sit up Lee pulled her back into his arms. She giggled at his actions and continued her attempts. 

“Lee you have to let me up, I need to get some cleaning done” she exclaimed as he tightened his grip and lightly tickled her sides. 

“I’m not letting you go Darlin’, you belong right here with me” he chuckled

Their laughter died down as they locked eyes. They looked at one another for a few moments before they both began to lean in. They were interrupted by the doorbell. Y/n quickly hopped off of him and Lee slowly rose up from his chair. He hobbled to the door and was met by a familiar face on the other side. His deputy chief, Wilson, had dropped by to check on Lee. 

“Wilson, good to see you. Is everything alright?” Lee questioned. Y/n curiously stood by his chair and made her way to the kitchen.

“Of course everything is alright, just wanted to check in on ya and see if you needed anything.”

“Well thank you, come on in and have a seat.” Lee opened the door and gestured for his guest to have a seat on the couch. The men seated themselves and began discussing Lee’s future return to work, Y/n made quick work in the kitchen and brought both men a glass of water. As she walked into the living room Wilson looked at her shocked to see that she was here. He continued their conversation waiting for her to leave the room before interrogating Lee.

“Lee, is that the lady who took care of you in the hospital?” He questioned

“Yes, but she is not just some lady. Her name is Y/n, she’s been helping me ‘round the house and taking good care of me.”

“So let me get this straight, you have a random woman you met at the hospital, living in your house and caring for you. And you have only known her for a couple weeks?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds crazy.” Lee chuckled. “Look, she is a really great gal. We both have feelings that we are figuring out and she has been keeping me in check. It happened quite fast but we are both comfortable with this arrangement. However, she is leaving in a day or two to go back to work.” Wilson sat there and shook his head in disbelief. He was ultimately confused with how they had been casually living together for the last few weeks like it was no big deal.

“That is quite the arrangement, just be careful Lee.”

“You have nothing to worry about Wilson, she’s a good one.” Wilson shook his head in utter disbelief. “Well I should get down the road before the misses sends out a search party, I’ll see you later Lee.” Lee bids him farewell as he lets himself out.

Lee gets up from his chair in order to find Y/n. He finds he in the kitchen was dishes wearing an apron to prevent her dress from getting wet. Lee walks up to her and wraps his arms around her waist pressing himself against her, burying his head in her neck. He peppers her skin in small pecks.

“Lee, I have to get this done, so I can start packing.”

“C’mon Darlin’ I want you to pay attention to me.” He pouts

She dries her hands and turns around to become face to face with Lee. he smiles as he grabs her thighs and lifts her onto the counter, she squeals in fear that he will drop her.

“Lee, don’t pick me up like that, you are gonna hurt yourself.”

“Darlin’, you can tell me what to do all you want, but I will never stop picking you up. And I must say you look mighty fine sitting all pretty up here for me. Just as gorgeous as the day I met ya.” He then presses his lips into her jaw and litters her with his kisses. Making his way up to her lips as he grabs at her thighs and hips. She drapes her arms over his shoulders as she snakes her hand into his hair holding him close. As they break away for air Lee looks her up and down taking in the sight in front of him. Her swollen lips turn into a smile as she catches his stares.

“A picture would last longer Lee” she remarks. “Now I really need to start packing.” His smile quickly becomes a frown. He huffs and helps her down from the counter. He follows as she walks to the living room and watches as she packs her things. She sets out her nightwear and tomorrow’s outfit. Lee waits patiently for her to finish. She spins around and makes her way towards Lee. 

“Darlin’ let's go out for dinner tonight. I know a good place a couple towns over that would be nice.”

“That would be really nice Lee, let me get ready and we can head out.” She grabs her toiletries and heads to the guest bathroom. She always kept a nice dress in her bags, and it would be the perfect fit for tonight. It was a black A-line dress that hugged her figure just right. This gave him the time to make their reservation and head upstairs to get ready himself. He stood in front of his closet attempting to pick a nice outfit for tonight. He settled for his black slacks, a white button down and his black blazer.

He made his way downstairs to find Y/n gazing out the living room window at the neighborhood children playing together. He wishes he could read her mind at times like these. Did she want children? She was much younger than him and still had plenty of time to have children. 

“Darlin’, you ready to go?” She turned towards Lee and was taken back by his appearance. He looked so sophisticated and handsome, more than he already did. He took his time capturing her gorgeous curves in that dress, and knew that it would not stay on her long when they got back. Lee extended his hand out to her and she reached out to him. He led her to the garage and opened the door for her and gently closed it behind her. Lee hopped in the driver’s seat and made their way down the road. Y/n silently gazed out the window and took in her surroundings. She did not want this night to end. She knew she was falling for him even more than she thought she would. He rested his hand on the bottom of her thigh as he drove. 

They finally made it to a small town with many shops and restaurants that littered the town square. Lee led the way as they walked down the sidewalk towards the restaurant. He was concerned with how quiet Y/n was but did not want to impose. They entered the building, and were seated at a table by the front window. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“Oh nothing Lee, just thinking about tomorrow and going back to work. I don’t want to leave.” She states as she grabs his hand that’s laying on the table.”

“Darlin’, it will be alright, I don’t want you to go either but it’s what you have to do. But for tonight let’s enjoy the night and forget tomorrow.” She nodded as they moved on to their usual topics, sharing stories of one anothers childhoods and lives before they met. The food was delicious but Lee thought Y/n’s food was better. She shook her head at his brown nosing. They took their time finishing their meals, Lee eventually paid the bill and they made their way back to his car. In the car they sat close together and just enjoyed each other’s company. They reached Lee’s house 30 minutes later. He parked the car in the garage. He turned the car off and sat quietly and shared glances. Lee’s eyes switched his gaze from her eyes to her lips repeatedly before he pulled her in swiftly and connected their lips. 

Lee moved down the seat and pulled her into his lap. 

“Lee let me get off, I’m going to hurt you.” she said in between kisses.

Lee stopped in his tracks, “Darlin’, what did I tell you about saying that. You are so god damn beautiful and I want you in my lap. You are not going to hurt me.”

“Lee I’m too-”

“Too what? And you better not say big because you're perfect, absolutely perfect and you’re all mine. Do you hear me? I don’t want you saying that again.” 

“Okay, Lee I won’t say it again.” he quickly resumed his action and let his hands wander her figure.

“Let’s go inside Lee.”

“Are you sure Darlin’, we can stop-”

“I’m sure” She climbed down from his lap and they made their way into the house 

Y/n grabbed Lee’s hand and led him up the stairs to the bedroom. She closed the door and turned to find Lee sitting on the end of the bed looking her up and down like a hungry animal. She tossed her heels to the side and made her way towards him. He grabbed her hips and pulled her down onto the bed with him. They had resumed the position they took in the car. Lee pulled down the zipper that began at the back of her dress as he toed off his shoes and took off his jacket without separating his lips from hers. Lee made his way off the bed and stripped down to his underwear. Y/n laid there breathless and took in the sight before her as he moved towards her, placing himself between her legs. He pushed the bottom of her dress up to put her beauty on display. She pulls the dress over her head as Lee leans down to kiss her thighs. He slowly works his way up, spending extra time at her breasts. As he reached her neck she wrapped herself around him. He tried to withhold the urge but he couldn’t help but buck his hips into her. Y/n moaned at this foreign feeling. 

“Lee please, I need you” he swiftly reached around to unhook her bra. He tossed it to the side and took her breast into his mouth. Swirling his tongue and watching her squirm underneath him. He works his way down her body and stops his kisses at her panty line.

“Darlin’, are you sure.” he asks, “Yes Lee, I’m sure”

He removes her underwear, tossing them to the floor to add to the scattered mess of clothing. He positions himself between her thighs and kisses her everywhere but where she wants him. Moments later he devours her as if she is his last meal. She snaps her legs closed in reflex, but quickly let’s go in order to not suffocate Lee.  He grabs both legs and pulls her back in and tossing her legs over his shoulders, she arches her back as he dives deeper. She moans as Lee continues, gasps for air as he inserts a finger with little resistance. Adding another to stretch her out. Lee can tell by her noises and movements, that no man has ever made her feel this way, making him even harder knowing she’ll be begging for more. He continues his actions bringing her closer to her climax. Her moans became louder as she laced her fingers in his hair, unknowingly pulling it too hard. 

“Lee please don’t stop, please Lee.” Lee grins as he hears her begging him to continue. He continues his actions as she moans his name reaching her climax. Lee stops once she releases his hair from her grip. As she lies breathing heavily, Lee removes his underwear and lays next to her. Caressing her face and bringing her gaze to him.

“You okay, Darlin’?”

“I’m more than okay Lee”

He smiled and got on top of her, littering her face and neck with his lips. Y/n captured Lee’s lips with her own and they became in sync. 

“Darlin’ are you sure, you are okay to keep going?” Y/n nodded her head “Darlin’, I need to hear you say it, that you are okay.”

“I’m okay”

Lee pumps himself a few times before he enters her. He groans as he seats himself in her fully. Her face contorted in pain, legs wrapped around him, nails digging into the skin of his arms. Lee hated seeing her in pain, he halted all movements and waited for her to relax underneath him before moving slowly. As he sped up she held onto him more and moaned in his ear. Send chile down Lee’s spine he continued his movements until he reached his climax with Y/n reaching her’s as well. 

“Fuck Darlin’, you fell so fucking good, gonna fill you up nice and full.” he said as came into her, and as she reached her own high. Lee laid his head in the crook of her neck as they both breathed heavily. 

Lee lifted his head and smiled at Y/n, “This means you're my girl now.”

“I’ve been yours since day one Lee.”

He kissed her and removed himself from her. Lee went to the bathroom and came back with a warm rag to clean her up. He handed it to her not wanting to be too overbearing. He then crawled into bed beside her, and she laid on his chest as their hearts began to slow down from the previous excitement. They quickly fell asleep in one another’s embrace with no regard for the loneliness to come.

Taglist: @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @charmed-asylum @mrsyixingunicorn10

[morgan-n-cheese-91]

I think is really funny when people are like it's Anakin's own fault that he fell and it's like yeah did he make that choice in the end. In the end was it his choice completely? Yes and I won't argue that fact.

What I am going to argue is the fact that you do need to look back and see the factors that went into that choice. Let's break this down from the beginning of when we meet him and how that seems to have alter the fact that leads to this ending choice.

First we're introduced to him he's out in the market by himself find these strangers basically brings them home him and his mom share like the little stuff that they have. We then find out that he is a slave to a bug man, which that can be an entire another thing of the dehumanization of the slavers so that the general population was watching feels not connected and refuses to like feel sympathy for them in the same way that like the droids Stormtroopers and the clones are all dehumanized. But that's the point for another discussion. They run some tests on him and they're like oh my God this kid is the most powerful fucking being in the galaxy. That right there kind of sets him up as a bargaining chip not going to lie from that moment on Qui-Gon doesn't want him to be free because he's a person. Qui-Gon wants him to be free in that moment and continuously on because Anakin is so strong in the force and he's scared that something is going to happen and this really powerful kid is going to become a really powerful adult that's going to hurt somebody. And not even in like a caring about other people kind of way but in this kid's going to be used as a weapon why not make him our weapon first.

So he makes a bet with Anakin's owner that if Anakin can win in a fucking death race after cheating at dice. Anakin becomes in the terms of the time and place becomes Qui-Gon's property, with the intention of setting him quote unquote free. And I think the worst part about this is that when he frames it to Anakin that this is going to happen he frames it like he tried so hard to free both him and his mother not mentioning the fact that it was a "can I also free the mother as well? no she's too valuable. okay" there was no fight for Shmi not at least the same amount of fight that there was for Anakin.

Then we all know Anakin wins the damn race earns his freedom has his entire life been told how the Jedi are these mystical warriors who are bringing Peace and freedom to the Galaxy yet can't be bothered to help his mother his best friend and his community who are all slaves. It doesn't seem too far of a reach for me for that to be corrupted later on in his life of that what is this peace and FREEDOM that they are talking about when they couldn't help your people. And then is he going before a council is very important people and they basically test him on his like abilities in the force which like that makes sense intro exam. But then to be told that you're too angry about your past of like 3 days ago about being a slave and you're too attached to your mom who up until 3 days ago you've never been apart from and being apart from ment something really bad is going to happen, like being sold, so you are not being welcomed into the place you were taken from your home for and the girl you met 3 days ago said you could live with her but your mom is still a slave and not categorized anywhere as a human with rights so she could be beaten, assaulted or killed with no repercussions from the government or the people who are supposed to free the galaxy.

And then after all of that you do actually end up getting to train and be a part of the culture that you were told you were too angry for to attached to your mother for only because the man that quote unquote rescued you dies and his final wishes that you are trained. I don't know about most people but I feel like that would create a lot of resentment not only of the child who is being trained but also the feeling of guilt and that someone else resents you because the only reason you were there is because someone died. That is a lot of pressure to put on a child. Which makes it very easy for someone who is actively trying to groom a 9-year-old let's repeat that groom a nine-year-old into being the evil version of himself.

Which then also brings you on to the point of for a community that seems to very much centralize itself around its children it most definitely failed one of its most vulnerable by letting a 9-year-old be accessed by the most powerful man in the galaxy the fucking chancellor who is at least 50 years his senior with no supervision or activized dismay. Hell I wouldn't want to politician alone with a fully grown adult most of the time let alone a 9-year-old traumatized child. So does no wonder that by the time that he was in crisis he did what any logical person would have he went to the person who had been giving him support and trust for the last 14 years. Unfortunately due his past treatment that was not the people who actually could have helped him but rather the person who wanted to maintain control over him.

Tldr: it isnt any wonder why Anakin fell. He through a majority of canon was treated as something to be used or discarded rather than a person and that was used against him by Palpatine.

[optimismxmagicism]

when the fog clears, when the war ends, when the monsters are vanquished, it is caer pelyn that stands. shimmering amid the mountains at sunrise, an idyllic, rustic reminder of what it means to be free from strife and the noise of the world. here, each day is fulfilling, full of simple comforts, and your magic grows and grows. as years pass, you understand the meaning behind your teacher's words — that the peace of home is to be cherished, and kept from all harm.

those who understand and stand with your heart will know when you have done nothing to warrant rebuke. this is the comprehension you crave: a sympathetic ear, the tenderness of one who will listen. a hand reaches out and ruffles cardinal-red locks of boyish fire. rest your weary head upon this boundless heart, and let the comfort of their endearment wash clean the sands of guilt.

seed of nature, like the ancients before you, your life is everchanging. before long, the world will turn its own hunger upon you.the summer days are long and still. which path will you grasp with all your might?

Two paths stand before the mage, both ever so lovely. Both so very familiar. Past and future. Hope and desire. What is the path the little star, still finding his own light, will choose?

Standing before one door, he sees his future. Joy, enlightenment, passion and hope. That which he reaches out for with all his heart, with the strength gained from all the love he was blessed to receive. This path felt like light. The smell of nature tickling his nose, it was ever so beautiful and ever so welcoming.

Standing before the other door, he sees his past. A comforting hand, warm and gentle. Bringing with her kindness and understanding no matter how hard the world had been to him. The feeling of being understood even when nobody else would listen. A pillar of strength when alone he would’ve crumbled. The reason the little flame in his heart was never snuffed out.

“What.. is it that I truly want?”

To be loved.. to be understood.. that is what he desired, yes. A save haven to return to when everything hurt too much, when everything was too hard. But.. she was suffering then too, wasn’t she? As he grew older, he started to understand more and more of the world. Her warmth, her love.. she gave it unconditionally, even if it chipped away at her own heart.

The gratitude he feels, the sheer amount of love he received despite everything they went through… to keep taking would be selfish. It would mean consuming her warmth until nothing would be left. And the guilt in his heart… it meant that his choice was a difficult one, wasn’t it? To take that away would be to take away someone else’s right to be upset with him. No, he deserves their ire. Letting go of that in a moment of pure self indulgence… would that be what she wanted for him? No, all her effort, all her strength, all her love… it was all to help him grow.

“Thank you…”

For just one moment, in this world where nobody could see, he cried. He leaned into the warmth one more time, and let his tears flow, freed of the masquerade of smiles he wore so often. “Thank you so much… for everything…” For her understanding… for her strength… her wisdom, her love… her hope… all of it, the boy will carry within him until the day he breathes his last.

“But… I’ll be okay now. I’m stronger now.. I’ll show you.”

With a shaky breath, he turned to the other path. The one of his future. He would grow.. he would learn.. he would be happy. That was all she ever wanted for him, right? Happiness.. and to him, happiness existed to be shared. It was his turn to be strong. To take the light she gave him, the light his master taught him to nurture. To allow it to grow, beautiful and bright, so he may give back to everyone who made him who he was today.

A beautiful dancer in red, who gave him the strength to live…

A man with the spirit of a tiger, who gave him the chance to take his first steps..

A woman of steel, who inspired within him what it meant to fight…

A great sage, who gave him a chance to nurture the star shining within his heart..

All of them… they were so very precious in his heart. He’s finally strong enough to give back. He would live the happiest life imaginable, he would see so many beautiful sights, eat so many gorgeous foods, he would share all the joy he found with everyone.

“Watch over me… okay? I’ll make you all proud.”

And with a genuine, grateful smile, the boy walked towards his future.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Kou Ecstasy [Epilogue]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

ー The scene starts in the Big Hall at Eden

Kou: ...Haah.

( Seems like everyone’s restless after all. )

( Makes sense. There might be a long battle waiting ahead of us after all. )

Reiji: This fight could last quite some time. You should be well prepared for that.

Subaru: ...I won’t deny that it was my fault that my Mother died. 

Still, it’s not like those Vibora go completely guilt-free either.

That’s why...I’ll definitely avenge her.

Kou: ...

Kino: Ahーah. I’m so bored. Say, can’t we tell funny stories or something?

Reiji: ...Haah. What are you acting so carefree for...?

Kino: I mean, it’s the Ghouls and the Familiars doing the actual fighting.

So we don’t really have anything to do until they actually make it over here, do we? 

Reiji: Well, you do have a point but...

Kino: It’s settled then! Come on, gather around, everyone!

ー The others walk up to them

Kou: ( I wonder what kind of story Kino-kun will tell? )

Kino: Once upon time, there was a certain family of noblesーー

Monologue

Kino-kun began to tell a tale of the past. 

A strange one...

yet it sent shivers down my spine. 

ーー Once upon a time.

there was a couple of nobles, 

who were blessed with a child despite already being of age,

the child which was born,

was a beautiful and adorable son,

with golden locks and blue eyes. 

The couple decided to give him the name ‘Emilio’,

and raised him with love and care.

However, their days of peace,

did not last very long. 

The area in which they lived,

became the ground for a fierce battle,

due to a certain individual’s actions. 

The boy was still very young at this time,

so the wealthy couple hired a wet nurse,

who would raise the boy.

While all of this went down,

the war escalated, as the couple saw themselves no other choice,

but to flee their country. 

However they could not run,

together with a small child.

With pain in their hearts,

they decided to entrust their son to his wet nurse.

However, the war only got worse.

In the end, the wet nurse felt like taking care of a small infant,

was simply too much trouble,

so she ended up dumping him somewhere ーー ...

Kino: ...Seems like the blonde boy lived quite the tragic life from that point onwards. 

A manhole baby, is that what you’d call him? Ahaha! Poor little thing!

Kou: ...

Ruki: ...Don’t tell me, is this boy you speak of Kou?

Azusa: Eh? It’s Kou...?

Yuma: ...Hold up, Ruki. That would be way too much of a dick move, don’t ya think...?

Kino: Fufu, you’re spot on, Ruki. 

Ruki: ...!

Azusa: H-Hey...Kino-san. What happened to the couple who ran away...?

Kino: Hmー ...Unfortunately they passed away. The train they were on got blown up from what I heard.

That being said, it turned out to have been a planned out attack rather than an unfortunate accident.

...Ah, actually. I know one more interesting story. 

ーー It was a certain someone who initiated said war. 

This man was a Demon, infamous for infiltrating the human world while taking on a different name and appearance...

...Hey, Emilio. Do you know who that could be? 

Kou: ーー !? 

( Why did Kino-kun choose to tell this story now...? )

( Why is he calling me Emilio in the first place? I’m not. This has nothing to do with me...! )

Leona: ...

*Cling* 

Leona: Your name is Emilio. And I am your mother.

The one who plotted the war ーー was Karlheinz.

Kou: ...Ah...

Leona: The man who cleverly worked his way into our community of nobles back when I was still alive and was a part of it as well.

That was none other than Karlheinz. I saw his face crystal clear...!

That face of his which screamed that he was non-human...!

Kou: ーー You’re lying!

He would never do such a thing! You’ve definitely got the wrong man!

Leona: Emilio, you mustn’t! Don’t let that man fool you!

Karlheinz was looking for humans to experiment on. That is why he needed their corpses. 

...Do you know why?

Kou: I don’t...How am I supposed to know...?

Leona: To create Ghouls like me, you see.

Kou: ...

Leona: After my death, my corpse was disposed at in Rotigenberg where the air is heavily polluted.

I am a former-human. I only became a Ghoul at a later point in my life.

Yuma: ...In other words, if this chick’s tellin’ the truth, we’ve been treatin’ the guy who caused all the misery in our lives as a dad?

Azusa: ...

Ruki: ...

Kou: ( No, there’s no way. That Ghoul is lying. )

( I mean, Karlheinz-sama would never do such a thing... )

Kou: You’re lying...Uu...

Ruki: ーー Calm down, Kou.

Kino, unfortunately, I do not intend to fall for your schemes.

Or rather, what are you hoping to achieve by playing with our emotions?

Reiji: ーー No, I believe he is telling the truth. 

With my very own eyes, I have seen reports of Father’s research on the polluted air of the Demon World, here in the research facility of Eden. 

Kino: Ahaha! As to be expected of Reiji! You’re quick to understand. ...Here!

ー Kino throws a bunch of papers at Kou

Kou: ...!?

Kino: Get it now? That guy was a scumbag, don’t you agree?

I’m pretty sure he abandoned me in Rotigenberg as part of this research project as well. 

Kou: ...Then.

Did he bring us to this castle...as a way to atone for his sins...?

Kino: Who knows? You four might have just been yet another one of his sacrifices.

Kou: ...

Kino: ...That being said. I believe it’s time to end this bastard’s bloodline. 

ー They are suddenly surrounded by Ghouls

Subaru: !? Whatcha playin’ at!?

Reiji: ...I see. This number of Ghouls...We’ve been set up.

Kino: Ahaha! Sorry! I used you to my own advantage~

By the way, all of the Ghouls gathered here were once humans.

They’re all victims of Karlheinz’ doings. They were forced to become Ghouls against their own will. 

ーー Ah, there might be a few people you know amongst them.

Especially for the Mukamis who were also once human.

Yuma: Ya bastard! What do ya mean!?

Ruki: Calm down, Yuma. Don’t play into his hands.

Yuma: ...Ugh...

Kino: Hey, Subaru. Can you fight those kinds of people?

*Cling*

*Splatter* 

Subaru: ーー Guah!?

ー Subaru collapses

Kou: Subaru-kun!

ー Kou rushes to his side

Kou: ( He was stabbed in the chest by a silver knife...!? )

A-Are you alright!? I’ll carry you to safety right away!

*Rustle* 

Subaru: Haah...Sorry...Guh...

Kou: Don’t talk! That’ll only make you lose more blood...!

Subaru: Haah...Hey, I’m beggin’ ya...Make it quick...Kuh. 

I’ll give you my dad’s powers so...Please use those to protect her...

Kou: What are you saying!? I can’t do that!

Subaru: ...But...I...

Kou: Oh come on! No more speaking!

*Rustle* 

Kou: ーー !

Subaru: Oi...What are you doin’...?

Kou: I’ll take you to her!

You should seek shelter there, as it’s the safest place!

I still have the key on me, you see...

Subaru: Guh...If you won’t kill me...then just leave me alone...

Kou: Oh shut up! Work with me here!

( ...Don’t worry. My brothers will clear the way for us. )

( I promise that I’ll save Subaru-kun! )

ー The scene shifts to the Chamber of Time

Yui: ( I can hear the sound of weapons clashing in the distance. )

( Oh no, I’m scared... )

...Kou-kun...

ー The door opens

*Creaaaak* 

Yui: ーー !?

Kou: ...Haah...

Yui: ...Kou-kun...? And Subaru-kun as well!?

( They’re both covered in blood!? I better tend to their wounds at once...! )

ー Yui runs up to them

Yui: Kou-kun, Subaru-kun, how...!?

Kou: Don’t worry, M-neko-chan. I’m not harmed.

Yui: Eh? ...Then this is all Subaru-kun’s blood...?

Subaru: Kuh...

Hey...I’m beggin’ you...Kill me...

Yui: S-Subaru-kun! Why would you say such a thing...!? 

Subaru: I’ve...inherited these powers...so I will recover from this injury with time...

However...The crimes my dad committed...will never fade.

Yui: Eh?

( What did I miss...? )

Kou: Hey, cut it out!

Let me tell you. You and Karlheinz-sama are two entirely different people!

Besides, it makes no sense for you to have to atone for what your dad did, just because you inherited his powers, don’t you think!?

Subaru: ...!

Kou: This whole story about my parents as well. I honestly don’t know just how much of it we can trust.

Even if you had to atone for his sins, this wouldn’t be the way to do it!

Subaru: ...

Yui: I agree. I don’t know what exactly happened while I wasn’t there but...

No matter what happened, I don’t think it should warrant you having to die, Subaru-kun.

Subaru: ...

Kou: If you want to atone for what he did, let’s end this fight? We have to defeat Kino-kun. 

Subaru: ...Yeah. Thanks...ーー

ー He loses consciousness

Yui: ーー Subaru-kun!?

Kou: Don’t worry. He’s just unconscious, that’s all.

...More importantly, I have to fill you in on what happened.

We have little time, so I’ll have to sum it up but hear me out.

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: No way...

( I thought the fighting I could hear outside was with the Vibora. )

( I would have never thought it’d be the Ghouls under the command of Kino-kun... )

( ...Also, there’s Kou-kun’s mother as well. )

Hey, Kou-kun. I want to ask you something. Please take me with you.

Kou: N-No way...! You might be in danger!?

Yui: Even so! I no longer want to wait here by myself...

Kou: Yui...

ー Subaru gets up

Subaru:  ーー Sounds good. ...You come with us.

Kou: Subaru-kun...You’re okay already...?

Subaru: Yeah. I’m not a weakling like you are.

...But, Yui.

I might not be able to protect you guys. Are you ready for that?

Yui: Yes. I’ll keep myself safe. 

Subaru: Hehe. Nice response.

Oi, Kou. You’re ‘kay with this too, right? 

Kou: ...Okay. I’m sure this will be the final battle, so let’s all go together.

Yui: Thank you...

Monologue

Perhaps it was due to our words of encouragement,

but Subaru-kun’s injuries,

healed at a surprisingly quick rate. 

He began to defeat the Ghouls,

one after the other.

The three of us dashed through Eden at lightning speed.

Towards that place,

where Kino-kun would await us ーー The World Tree

ー The scene shifts to the World Tree

Kou: ーー Ah, over there!

ー They run up to Kino

Kino: Fufu, I’ve been waiting for you. 

Subaru: ...Say, there’s somethin’ I don’t get.

I can sorta get why the Ghouls would resent that shitty Old Man and seek revenge. 

...But what about you?

Perhaps you simply hate all Vampires and want to kill us ‘cause we’re his sons.

But aren’t you also a Vampire and that guy’s son? 

Seems like someone has double standards, huh? 

Kino: I don’t see why I would need to answer that question.

Subaru: ...!

Kino: You don’t need to know. ーー Well then, here I come!

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for stealing Excalibur to save my faerie gf?

Exactly what it says on the tin. I (27F) am a descendent of Merlin, and serve as the court mage for the current king of Camelot. The fair folk live in the forests, and over the past century have made travel more and more difficult, as they lure any travelers off the path for various reasons, most are never seen again. The king sent me as an ambassador, as I know the most about resisting enchantment and protecting myself with magic, to hopefully broker peaceful relations. I encountered a beautiful fae, V, (???F) who naturally tried to charm me to draw me off the path. I was able to make a deal with her to bring a message to the Faerie Queen of my desire to meet with her, provided I came back in three days.

I returned, and we talked and she showed me beautiful things, and yeah I was attracted to her but I had a duty to my kingdom first. We answered questions for each other about ourselves and our worlds quid pro quo. I learned I could have an audience with the Queen on midsummers night.

The third time I returned, V enchanted me, and was about to kill me with me being none the wiser as I was under her spell. But she let me go. She explained that if she didn't kill me, the Queen would kill her, but that she had fallen in love with me… and I had fallen for her. I tried to take her out of Faerie with me, but she couldn't be unbound from her service to the Queen. So I met with the Queen to bargain for her freedom. I know I could have negotiated for peace between our kingdoms but she had specifically told V to kill me so that the humans wouldn't try such a "foolish notion" again, so there was no inroad there.

I was as clever as I could be, but the Queen demanded Excalibur within 3 days in exchange for mine and V's freedom and safety. And if I didn't make a deal by sunrise, I might be trapped there. So I went back to Camelot and I tried to break the news to the king… but it was clear he wouldn't sacrifice the relic. So I stole it.

This is our only fae ally! This has to be worth something! And I owe her, she saved my life at the possible expense of her own… or a fate worse than death, it would seem, as punishment for her treason.

The king will notice Excalibur is gone and what was left behind was a fake before long. I'm on my way to the forest now. I'll do my best to find a way around this, and retain the sword. But if I don't, I've betrayed my kingdom, my people. V and I will both be traitors to our people. I'm already carrying the deep guilt of it… but this is for love, and for honor that transcends country. I don't think I'm TA, but… am I?

[aut-with-tism]

She wakes up before everyone else.

That comes to no surprise. She thinks she can count how many full nights of sleep she’s had since the incident on one hand and still have fingers to spare. Hell, she’s being generous there; even when she does sleep, it’s restless. As it has been every day for the past forty-six weeks.

A bitter part of her can’t help but wonder if it ever goes away. Does any of it ever truly go away?

Life’s a cycle. Rinse and repeat, and whatnot. Or, at least, hers seems to be that way - a vicious cycle that snatches her up and spits her out without warning, leaving her more broken than she started.

She never learns. Life finds a way.

The last few months have continued to prove that to her, have continued to remind her that she came from nothing and that’s all she’ll ever be. At the end of the day, they could only play god for so long until disaster struck. (Even in the bible, the fall of man is man-made. It makes sense. She’s not a victim of circumstance, just a victim of herself.)

Teeth, blood, screams.

The hardwood is cold beneath her bare feet as she tiptoes out of the guest room and makes her way downstairs. If it reminds her of sneaking around her childhood house, she doesn’t linger on it. It’s not the same. Something that makes her feel…a sickening sense of relief.

Karen was always built for this life. The nine-to-five job, the 2.5 kids and a dog, a big house all wrapped up with a white picket fence and a red ribbon. It suits her sister.

She, on the other hand, always thought she was meant for more. Look how that turned out.

Sighing, she fumbles her way to the kitchen in the dark. Too early to turn the light on, but too late to be this early. The only thing that makes sense is the silence.

She’s missed the silence.

LA was never quiet - one of the few things she loved about it. (It reminded her of the island in that way.) Even as she’d pass out on the rooftop, fingertips blue and breathing slowed, she found a semblance of peace in the chaos below her. All the people living their lives because they didn’t stop at the creation of a hybrid monster and the destruction of everything around it. All the people that weren’t her.

At least there’s people who went through it, here, too. It’s not the same - they’re not the same - but it makes her feel the slightest bit more sane.

She may be a speck of nothing in the vast universe of everything else, but so is everyone.

It doesn’t help. But it doesn’t make things worse, either. So, she carries it with her like she carries everything else. Her baggage. Her. All the things she can’t seem to let go. All the things she can’t leave behind.

It’s easy enough to slip out of the house and onto the porch, shivering as she lowers herself down onto the steps. Soaking in the nothingness of it all.

That’s how her sister finds her, some time later.

There’s a look akin to concern on Karen’s face and, if she focuses hard enough, she can see their mother. What remains of her. That all too familiar sadness glossing over her eyes, painted on dainty and down-turned features. She watches Karen pull her cardigan close to her body before lowering herself down next to her.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re trying to freeze yourself to death out here,” Her sister jokes, nudging her with a careful knee.

She laughs soundlessly in response, breath clouding around her in the sharp air, then shrugs. “Maybe you don’t. Know better, that is. You always say you don’t recognise me anymore.”

Karen says nothing in response.

They sit in silence for what could be minutes or hours, she doesn’t know, before Karen moves to stand and offers her a hand to help her up. She hesitates.

She hates herself for it. Guilt swirls around the pit of her stomach like her breath dances in spiralling puffs in front of her, but kindness has always been foreign to her. She finally takes her sister’s hand and drags herself off the steps.

It’s ironic. She laps up poison from the hands of corporate criminals. She leans into harsh slaps and even harsher words. She doesn’t worry of being stabbed in the back for they could stab her in the front and she wouldn’t even flinch.

But, yet, she draws the line at the softness she doesn’t deserve - the gentleness she’s yet to earn.

“I told the boys not to bother you, this morning. Long flight and all that,” Karen starts, pausing momentarily to look at her. She refuses to meet her eyes, “It’s up to you if you want to see them before school, but the expectation isn’t there. Just…thought you might like the choice.”

She nods, swallowing down the lump in her throat.

She’s put Karen in this position too many times - where she has to lie to the boys so as to not disappoint them. All the birthdays she missed, holidays she couldn’t get off work for. Soccer games she didn’t care for and science fairs she was a no show at. Missed calls. Voicemails. Texts left on read for days, weeks, months. Each and every milestone missed because she was too focused on taking her first steps up the corporate ladder and into the world to be there for theirs.

So much of the boys’ childhoods she’s been absent for, and what little remained got torn to shreds by razor teeth, sharp claws and gliding ballpoints. All because of her. Her.

Avoiding the boys only amplifies the nauseating guilt, but it’s easy to decide it’s for the best. She’ll see them tonight. Hopefully after she freshens up and looks…more alive than she feels.

But Gray’s high-pitched squawk cuts through the air; sharp and trilling. Time stops.

“I wanna see Aunt Claire! How come you got to talk to her and I didn’t?”

It cuts straight through her, the sound of sneakers scuffing floorboards fast approaching. The blood pounds deafeningly in her ears and her breath hitches, shadow moving just outside the door. He’s so close - too close - but not close enough.

She’s reminded of the day at the park. Trailing behind Owen by the old park and hearing one of the Jeeps taking off through the forest; knowing the boys had been right there .

(And then, they weren’t. And then, they were gone.)

Teeth, blood, screams.

“Dude, calm down. She’s not gonna want to see you if you keep acting like that. You’ll see her later,” Zach responds, tone dripping with sarcasm. She can see so much of Karen within him, but she also spots herself. Her chest tightens.

Gray seems satisfied at the answer, shuffling down the hall and into the bathroom. A shadow still remains underneath the door. She waits a moment, Zach finally speaking up in a voice that makes him seem much younger than sixteen going on seventeen, “We will see you later, won’t we?”

“I promise,” She tries not to lie.

It turns out to be the truth, in the end. Karen and the boys shout up a goodbye as they leave for school, and she has an empty house to herself. Well, her and Foxtrot.

After a long awaited shower, she ends up falling back asleep. Foxtrot curled against her side. Fingers deftly brush through soft fur in soft circles - soothing them both.

She wakes to the sound of her sister’s voice. Except it takes her a moment to recognise it as such, as Karen’s voice grows louder, more heated. Gone is her sister’s unsettling gentleness, gone is the soft maternal energy shrouded in warm tones and small reassurances.

This is the Karen she grew up with. Sharp anger and hot, fast fury spat at the person unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end.

The only gene passed down the Dearing descent.

There’s a part of her that immediately feels sorry for whoever’s been careless enough to make her sister this upset, but she knows Karen’s anger is deserved. It always is, after all.

The other part of her almost wants to smile.

Until she hears Owen.

No. No.

“Tell me why I found my baby sister on my doorstep in the middle of the night, half-frozen and looking like…have you seen her, Owen? Does she look alright to you, huh? Does she really look like she’s doing just fine without you?”

The urge to cover her head with a pillow has never been so strong, as though smothering herself would get her out of this. It was inevitable. She knows that. Eventually, something like this was going to happen and she was going to come face to face with the one person she both never wanted to see again but never wanted to be without, either. She thought she’d have more time to get herself together, though.

God, she’s such an idiot. Her heart pounds quick and hard against her chest, as if trying to get out of her and this situation (she wishes she could, too). She wants it to stop - but that would mean leaving the room and she doesn’t think she can hold herself upright right now. She doesn’t want them to know she’s awake, either.

“I didn’t say that, Karen, I said she was better off without me. What is it with you two and twisting people’s words?”

“Really, you want to go there?” Karen snaps. A not-so-silent warning to back off. She knows how this plays out, knows how her sister must be poised like a snake; dangerous and ready to strike. Yet, on the surface she is calm and concealed.

Look like th’ innocent flower, but be the serpent under ‘t.

“No, I just…fucking hell, now I know where she gets it from. Are all the Dearing women this insufferable?”

Her breath hitches. Catches in her throat. Chokes her - slowly, silently. Her lungs fail.

“Don’t make me kick you out of my house.” Her sister warns, seething with rage she can only imagine. Quiet. Too quiet. It’s never good. “It wasn’t my choice to have you here, we both know I’m not doing this for you.”

The boys. They must’ve invited Owen. It makes sense, she muses. He was everything they never had - everything she never was. He’d given them more in twenty-four hours than she’d given them in their entire lives.

It hurt to watch, but she knew it was for the best. It was always for the best.

She shouldn’t have come here. This was a mistake. She can’t be here, she doesn’t belong here, doesn’t deserve…she has to go.

Let her go, let her go, let her go, let her g-

“Claire?” Go away. Go away, let her go. Go, go, go. “It’s Owen. Can…can I come in?”

The panic surges and she stumbles backwards underneath the heavy duvet and tangled blankets. Trapped. The feeling of falling rushes back to her for the first time in three weeks, knocking her to the ground both metaphorically and physically.

The noise has Owen rushing in the room.

“Claire, are you-“ He stops, kneeling in front of her. Brows knitted together. Frowning. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re okay. I need you to breathe, alright? Breathe with me.”

She can’t. She can’t, she can’t, she can’t.

“Yes, you can, don’t give me that shit. Your sister will kill me if you pass out in my arms, again.” It’s a poor attempt of a joke - they both know that. His concern is thinly veiled by a mask she knows all too well. After all, it’s a mask they both share. “I see you’ve met Foxtrot.”

She glances over at the puppy, still curled up on the bed. No longer asleep, but not bothered by whatever is going on. She nods.

“You know, Gray FaceTimed me when they got her, told me all about his plans to train her like I trained the raptors,” She knows this. Karen told her last night, in an attempt to get her to calm down; hot chocolate, warm blanket, and random stories. She doesn’t tell him this, though, “He’s done a good job, so far. She’s a sweet pup.”

Her shoulders shake as she draws her knees up to her chest, curling in on herself. This doesn’t feel real. It feels like a dream - a nightmare - and she’s waiting to wake up and for him to be gone, because he left. He’s not here, right now. He can’t be.

“I…I can go if you want, Claire? If I’m making you uncomfortable, I can go and get Karen and you’ll never have to see me again?”

Head snapping up, she meets his eyes with tears in her own. No. No . He can’t go. She just got him back and it’s not real, but she can’t handle him leaving again, and- “Don’t. Not…not again.”

“Huh?”

He seems genuinely confused, shuffling closer to her as she shakes her head frantically. “You left.”

“You told me to,” He starts, but stops when he sees her. She can only imagine how much of a mess she looks, right now. But she isn’t his mess. Not anymore. He made sure of that.

“You still left. You still left me.”

[thereluctanthousewife]

The Best Big Brother in the World

The sounds of crying were loud, too much for my tender ears. Our living room was filled with people - far more than it had ever been. They're all here to console my mother who, at the age of 37, has lost her husband of 13 years.

Looking back, I can't remember where my younger sisters were at this time. Perhaps they were being entertained by some of our relatives or being taken care of by our babysitter.

I creeped up the stairs to look for my brother, the outpouring of grief too overwhelming. I don't remember too much of what happened in that moment, only the decision that propelled me upstairs. Our half-spiral staircase, witness to the scene of a thousand loud arguments and laughter, now seems to absorb the noise from my footsteps, as if it, too, understands the solemnity of what has just happened.

I was only 9, and too young to know what the consequences of my Dad's death would be, nor did I fully realize how much my entire world had changed.

I peeked into my parents' bedroom, and I spied my brother hastily shoving a piece of fabric away from his face. His eyes looked swollen, and his expression was one of guilt. He hadn't expected me to come looking, nor to be caught shedding tears.

He and I have never talked about the consequences of our father's death. We never spoke about the burden of responsibility that befell his shoulders when a relative told him he was now the head of the household.

Until now, my brother has never relinquished on his "duty." After graduating from university, he's stepped up more than anyone can possibly have foreseen. He is gruff, tough and stern, but he's the best big brother I could ever hope for.

Whenever my sisters and I needed to watch a play, a show, or anything else that required late nights and walks in the dark, he'd watch with us and walk us home. He'd be annoyed when we tell him we're coming home late, but he'll be with us anyway.

My big brother started uni a year before I did. He stayed with relatives, rode three jeepneys to get to school, and three jeepneys back. For someone who was used to being driven everywhere he went, safe in the shelter of our car - this came as a shock. He did it because it helped us save money. And we were thankful at our uncle's offer to help house him.

He would call our house randomly and just talk to me. We didn't need to speak about anything in particular, sometimes we'd stay quiet for a few minutes. I knew he just needed the comfort of home.

In the end, when I followed him a year later, it was more convenient for us to dorm nearer school. More convenient, less hassle, and we didn't need to hear complaints from our relatives. His place was a few houses away from my dorm, which only accepted girls.

This proved better for his peace of mind. My brother thrives in his comfort zone. He enjoys staying in one place and getting to know that place inside and out. He enjoys routine, and the peace that comes with knowing exactly where to go when you need something. Sometimes, I tell him he's too rigid. That he needs to relax his principles and his rituals. That he needs to be more open to new experiences. I feel like my admonishments fall on deaf ears.

My brother is unmarried. He is overweight and needs to take better care of himself. He can be demanding and exacting. He isn't perfect.

But he is selfless, caring (in his own way), supportive, responsible and loyal. His loyalty is overflowing and only exceeded by his love for his family.

Sometimes, I'm sad he doesn't have his own family. He deserves love in his life - a love that comes from someone who isn't related to him and chooses to be with him. Someone who can get past his weight and imperfections to bring him out of his shell - to liven up his life and show him that there's also safety outside his comfort zone. Someone who will help alleviate his burdens and let him shed his tears.

My brother is the best big brother I could ever hope for. Though we don't talk as often as we did, he is one of my greatest blessings. The universe may have taken our dad prematurely from us, but it's more than made up for it by giving us our brother.

[ofwrxth]

BASICS 

Name: Xiomara “Xo” Hernandez

Age & Birthday: 40 & March 18, 1983

Gender/Pronouns: Cis Woman & She/Her

Birthplace: Guadalajara, Mexico

Time in hollow cove: 3 years (November 2020)

Species: werewolf - cross pack

Role: Council & Comms & Radio, volunteers as a Seeker + Registration  

Positive personality traits: industrious, present, supportive

Negative personality traits: fiery, reactive, stubborn 

ABOUT

Born in Guadalajara, Mexico, Xiomara’s parents Alberto and Mercedes, made the trek to the US to get away from vampires who’d been targeting packless wolves in the city for years. They knew that it wouldn’t be an easy journey but Xo was eight and they wanted to make the move before she triggered. 

Though they made it to Georgia, other challenges arose once there. Her parents argued between which pack to join: Jones or Cross. Her father was a proud man, and had fought his whole life to get to where he was. He wanted his family to be with the strongest pack, which he believed was the Crosses, because he’d seen what happened to wolves without one.

Growing up in the pack wasn’t easy, but Xo’s spirit was as strong as her parents. She was determined and hard-working, fiery and stubborn, all traits that helped her through training and trials Through those trials, she became close with Wolf, Rhea and Josie. Eventually their tight-knit bond went far deeper than friendship. She loved them with everything in her and they each became each other’s, helping through the grueling trial of being brought up in the Cross pack. 

Her father passed when she was seventeen and Xo felt it like a blow – the strongest man she knew was gone. But they gave her strength to continue and when she found out she was expecting, hope grew. Luna’s birth changed everything for Xo. Her daughter brought light with her that illuminated even the darkest nights. And Xo determined to never let it go out, and to never dim it herself. She encouraged Luna’s curious and independent nature. But with the knowledge that her grandfather would push her as hard as he did his sons, Xiomara helped train her alongside Rhea, Josie, Wolf and all their children. She wanted Luna to be capable and confident when the time came to shift and show her grandfather that she was just as formidable as any of her cousins. The Hernandez family had always been fighters, and the Cross family had always been strong. Training alongside her daughter, Xo was proud to see that Luna was both. 

Josie’s death ten years ago was a blow none of them saw coming. Grief permeated their lives, even as Rhea and Xo took Allie in as their own, raising her together alongside Wolf. But she knew that Wolf’s grief was tied with guilt and no amount of trying to convince him it wasn’t his fault would make him believe it. So they each took on different burdens to help each other. They were a family but this tested them all, drawing them together and pulling them apart as they each dealt with their own grief. But, at the end of the day, their greatest comfort and strength was still each other.

The past three years haven’t been without their own sets of losses, Xo losing her mother as they fled Atlanta. She does her best to swallow that grief, knowing that everyone’s lost someone by now. But it still hurts, knowing that after Josie’s death, Mercedes had expressed her desire to leave Atlanta and, out of fear, Xo stopped her. Doing her best to leave the past behind her and be present for her family now, Xo joined the council a year ago when a position opened. She says she’s doing it for the sake of peace in town, but she knows her motives aren’t completely altruistic. She wants to support Wolf as Alpha, Rhea, their kids and pack as much as possible and thinks that while fighting is admirable and important, this is a chance she can contribute and protect her family in a different way. 

[healing-elle]

The thing about healing

I always imagined it a certain way: some empowering song playing in the background as I went into battle. Lots of tears. Fighting until exhaustion and then fighting some more. Screaming and shouting. Exposing every abuser for what they got away with until they were all behind bars or taken out by the loud mob. I thought it would be so consuming and impossible to get through without drowning in guilt and shame from the memories of what happened.

But it couldn't be any different from what I feared for so long.

Like the quiet that follows after the loud crash of the waves: it is the purest calm I have ever known. No noise, no anxious heartbeat, no harsh words or memories of abuse from them because they do not exist anymore.

Because that is what real peace offers.

Freedom, truth, and love.

And those things, as with all things good and worth fighting for in this one precious life, are simple by nature.

Love is simple. Truth is simple. Freedom is simple.

And anyone desperately hell-bent on trying to convince you otherwise is probably not someone with the best intentions (to put it mildly).

Love should not hurt. Truth shouldn't require so many rehearsed explanations and manipulations of information. Freedom should actually feel like freedom. Extra space in the cage on a good day is not freedom, no matter how many times you've been told to believe it over the course of your life.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder right before my 19th birthday exactly 14 years ago. One of my abusers tried to manipulate my team into misdiagnosing me in order to deflect from the trauma I had endured at their hands. Being diagnosed with PTSD means you talk about the trauma, and they did not want that. Thankfully, my team saw right through it and, when we were alone and away from my abusers, they told me that I needed to get as far away from "those people" as possible. They said that 'family" did not do these things and that I would never heal my panic attacks and other symptoms if these abusers were still in my life. But that's the thing about abusers -- they will never, ever let you go without a fight.

In the past 7 years, I have been able to safely cut out about 90 percent of these people. I've had to leave all social media, basically hide my identity, leave a career that kept me in a very public role, move multiple times, and take a complete break from having a "normal" social life while I regroup and create as many safety plans as possible in case they try to find me through someone who doesn't know the backstory.

Before I moved away from my trauma therapist, she told me to invent a new story. I remember thinking, "That is so strange -- that sounds like living a lie? Why would she ever recommend that?" And the thing is, she didn't just recommend it, she said it was both required and essential. Even with everything I have done to create a safe space away from my abusers, I never quite understood how to do that. Maybe it comes from being raised Catholic (though I left the Church in 2018), but it seemed like lying for a very long time. Until now.

Now I see what she was referring to and why she offered this as her final words to me on my send off:

The original story was the lie I was forced to repeat from birth -- and it will always have zero truth to it. It is far more of a lie to repeat what my abusers forced me to say about our life than to speak the truth about their double lives, abuses of power, sociopathy, covert narcissism, and religious abuse. But, as my therapist noted, I don't need to relive the specific traumatic events forever. I don't need to talk about it or share it to people (especially when some of those people will study it to repeat the abuse and make me their new target, as I've had to learn the hard way many times over).

The truth is, I am an only child without parents or any extended family. As my therapist would say, "You are on your own, but then again, you always have been. Imagine what you survived alone as a child without anyone to protect you. But that's just it -- you did survive. No matter the obstacle, you survived. Now you are the adult you needed as a child, and you should be so proud of who that person is -- because she is a fighter who never gave up."

And while I am forever grateful for the army of guardian angels that have always watched over me, I am beyond ready for my life to be about so much more than "surviving" and cultivating resilience.

I've had to file multiple police reports, so I know how to do that. I've had to meet with various lawyers and district attorneys and learn my rights, so I know how to do that. I've had to look into changing my name and identity in the event that they find me and things escalate again, so I know how to do that. I have a binder of safety plans and emergency response strategies for all possible situations. I am as prepared as I'll ever be.

The last little piece to all of this, before I can really "start" my new life and just have a life again, though it sounds so superficial, involves losing this weight. As I am documenting here, I am currently in the process of losing nearly half of my body weight (i.e., armor) which I can only hope will make me unrecognizable to my abusers if they hire PIs again. The abuse was always less severe when I was heavier, so it became my armor in more than one way. My body has suffered so much at their hands and even in my coping strategies just to survive them. I want to honor my body and give it the best from here on out. I refuse to spend the rest of my life living in fight or flight mode. Those days are over.

It's just wild...

I never thought I would actually get away. Maybe every cult survivor feels like this to some extent. I broke the cage door and finally gave myself permission to walk through it.

And now that I'm here, far enough away on the outside, I will never look back.

[relativelydefected]

I havnt posted in awhile. I just keep finding myself in deeper darker holes every time I turn around. Just one right after the other. It gets tough to think about let alone write about.

My mom is in the hospital again. She passed out 3 times this week again. My dad told me his struggles with bringing her up the stairs. Picking her up off the floor of their bedroom cause she couldn’t get on the bed. Went to visit her she got up to get me something and fell again.. she had two cat scans done. She has to wear a heart monitor to monitor her for an irregular heart beat. They found she had a small brain aneurism in her head.. as well as a spot in another part of her head as well. Which may be the reasons she keeps passing out. The past two days she’s had nausea. Which might explain the things going on in her head.

I quit therapy. For the simple fact that if something is to happen to my mom. I’m gonna be a wreck regardless. So no amount of therapy is going to help me with that. And I’m not using that as a scapegoat or an excuse. It’s the fucking truth. I don’t care who tells me otherwise.

No amount of breathing exercises or coping mechanism is going to help me with this portion of my life.

The kids are doing well. My daughter is clueless as to what is going on and my son is slowly starting to take into an account the seriousness of the situation. He cried about it last week and all I could tell him is that she’s fighting this she’s strong and that we’re gonna get through this together.

Things I should probably say to myself but knowing the reality of the situation. It’s tough to think that way while at the same time trying to prepare for something that might be inevitable.

I havnt been to the bike path for the past few days due to having a cold and this bipolar New England weather.

I even bought a longboard. Just to try something new.

Havnt been able to fully try it out cause it’s either raining or I’m sick or my kids are sick and I have to be home.

Havnt been able to see my mom the past week cause I’m fighting off this cold that doesn’t want to go away.

On a more semi positive note.

I met this guy on tiktok we talked for two days before we decided to hang out. What’s funny is he lives right down the street from me..He’s a single dad I’m a single mom.. he has a good job his own place.. he’s younger than me and that’s a first for me but I thought why not give it a shot. Really cute.

Has a stutter but that is also really cute .. we are both gamers we both like studio ghibli and Star Wars. We went to the mall he was so nice and easy to talk to he gave he gave me a hug it was just really lovely. It felt good to be treated like a lady after 11 years of being treated like garbage..I definitely felt a connection. Then of course my own insecurities took hold and I think I messed up the entire thing. He seems like such a good dad and he has all these nice qualities but some how some way I always manage to mess up a good thing. That’s my life. It’s like I psych myself out every time. I can’t just let things flow or be. Maybe he’s not attracted to me? I don’t know..

He has a twitch I watch it, try to message but don’t hear back so not much I can do 🤷🏽‍♀️ think im just gonna stop messaging at this point.

It felt good to go out shop and have fun and not think about the crap going on in my life so for like 5 hours I was at peace for the first time in months.

Good things never last. They are rare but fleeting.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now but im not.

But I tried right? Even if it didn’t work out.. I can say I tried to meet someone and put myself out there.

But I also feel guilt about being happy. When everyone around me is falling apart.

Maybe when I go back to work it will be a distraction from all this. But I can’t go back till I figure out my daughters situation with school or whether i need to put her in daycare full time.

Cause I can’t do both and I have no one to help me in this situation unfortunately.

I’ll try to update more. If you guys have prayers I could always use them.

#depression #anxiety #terminalcancer #stage4cancer #breastcancer #mentalhealth #life

[chinahatbeach]

Thoughts for Today

Good Morning. It looks to be a icky weather day and the next few days, will have snow, rain, or thunderstorms. Spring…. come back here. We do not like the cold tendrils of winter slapping at us. We want Mr. Sun to shine on us and make us warm.

Today’s topic comes from thoughts that have wandered in my mind and here we go…….

“We often treat the presenting symptoms instead of dealing with the root issues.” In our lives, we often treat the presenting symptoms instead of dealing with the root issues. And in truth, even treatment of superficial symptoms is all too frequently ignored, dismissing our broken behavior as quickly as we can. Take anger, to give but one example. When we snap (or explode!) at a family member or colleague, do we take the time to come back to them in humility and repentance, or do we allow our hurtful words and actions to settle in their spirits and shape the nature of the relationship? And to press it even further, do we stop and ask ourselves the question, “why?” Why am I so angry? Why do I respond at a level 10 to a level 2 situation?

Many years ago, my one sister-in-law had a hard time eating. She said she had made a tuna fish sandwich and almost choked on it. After this episode, she could hardly eat anything. She went to doctor after doctor trying to find out what was wrong. They looked at everything possible.

On one trip to a new doctor, she was given the diagnosis. She was dealing with guilt over a recent issue in her life that had ties to a past decision she had made 30 years prior. She felt such guilt at the prior decision of life that it worked it way into the present and her mind made her sick with that guilt. How does this happen?

The answers to these questions are not always self-evident! It requires a willingness to keep digging, looking beyond the surface symptoms to the deeper issues. And most importantly, it requires the continual pursuit of the Lord in prayer, for it is only through the gift of his presence that we are able to see and truly know ourselves. Without His light, we stumble in the darkness, searching in vain. And yet, as He reveals himself to us, so too are we able to see clearly and understand ourselves more fully.

Psalm 139:23-24, NLT Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

My sister-in-law had to deal with what was on her mind and in her heart. She carried a burden of guilt that was under layers. She had to confess what was the issue to deal with the issue.

I know that with myself, I’ve had to deal with issues that have been in my mind about many things. I feel a freedom from a nagging decision here or there. I’ve had to clean out the cupboard (my mind, heart, and soul). I had to make a change to get the right results.

I think we as humans make ourselves sick in many ways due to a small thing that turns into a huge mountain…. don’t make mountains out of mole hills is the correct saying. And we need to find total healing, emotionally, physically, and spiritually to find the answers to our problems.

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5).

No matter what, we must look to Jesus for the answers and let Him clean out our coo coo clock (mind).

Well, time to hit the shower, make some bacon, and get going on my day.

And that’s the way it is……….