#let Elisabeth i be a lesbian

[x-winging-it]

So I get why My Lady Jane simplified the Dudley family - cos there were a lot of siblings irl. But I also would love to see their take on a Robert Dudley and Bess romance.

I'm just saying I wouldn't be mad if they introduced Roberta Dudley next series...

[low-budget-korra]

My comments on The Substance

- Okay, first of all , I've seen a lot of comments and some reactions and people are really forgetting that Elisabeth and Sue are the same, they are one. And their hatred and disregard for each other is the hate and disregard they had towards themselves.

-Ive saw Coralie Fargeat first movie (Revenge) so I knew what to expect here. But with The Substance it happened something that happens when movies like this go mainstream, people simply don't get it.

Like, people are saying the ending was trash and "too much", complaining about Monstro Elisasue and all the blood...in a BODY HORROR MOVIE.

It's like watch a romcom and complain about the aspects that makes a movie be considered as a romcom

-Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley are incredible in this. If the academy didn't discriminate horror movies, they (especially Demi) would get their Oscar nominations.

-In Brazilian Twitter, there's this whole discussion about Sue's body being unreal, which I think is really funny cuz it def isn't. But Coralie filmed Sue's body as if she was filming a commercial, Sue's body is seen as a product rather than a person. And that creates some unreal feeling, like, you're watching a robot or something since she is so dehumanized.

And it's brilliant since we all sadly know that's how society sees women. Especially the straight and bissexual ones, cuz they are mostly the ones that still seek male validation since they are attracted to them. And the patriarchy is the major reason behind things such as sexism

No wonder why this year had at least 4 big horror movies that talked about issues such as unwanted pregnancies, violence against women and sexism.

(I haven't watched Smile 2 yet so I dunno.)

-Ive seen on Twitter people saying that if Elisabeth had gone to a lesbian bar, she wouldn't have taken the substance and I agree 😭

The amount of lesbians who would just fall at her feet ready to give her the world if she ask...

-The Elisabeth and Sue relationship also parallels some narcissistic and toxic mother/daughter relationship. When the daughter (Sue) is forced to follow her mom(Elisabeth) dreams, and becomes so good at it that the mom actually gets mad and envy about it. While the daughter becomes arrogant and mean because she is better than her mom

The "You got it from me" part when Elisabeth was yelling at Sue on TV gave me that vibe.

-When they are coexisting I think that for a second Sue weren't herself when she was beating up Elisabeth but also it's like after seeing herself like that and realized that Elisabeth was gonna rob her of the biggest moment of her career...she snapped.

It's like when you are hating on you for sabotaging yourself. And as Sue cried after murdering Elisabeth, it's like that moment when you realize what you did to yourself. Also like you can use drugs, drunk, hurt yourself because you hate yourself but at the end of the day there's this moment when you realize what you did and just feel regretted.

-Also, it's sad how nobody's cared for Elisabeth. She had no support system, no real friends, nothing. And this happens to a lot of women, especially women in the business. Like we get 30y actress playing fucking grandma's but we don't have much 60y playing roles that aren't just grandmas. While men can play wherever they want and in their 40-50y take roles that should be for 20y

-Why did Sue look so damn hot while smashing Elisabeth's face in the mirror? I mean c'mon. For me it was the hotter she looked the whole movie (I would let her smash my head in the mirror too and apologize for the inconvenience)

-Ive seen one person commenting that they miss the opportunity to have Elisabeth fucking Sue. Either as pure narcissistic self love or as hate fuck for what Sue was doing to her. And I think it's a matter of time until some horny crazy person to write something like this is ao3 😭

[ch4tk4t]

Pride month is already over...(2/2)

PART ONE - HERE

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Rachel Summers aka Phoenix aka Mother Askani aka Prestige aka too many d*mn aliases (I stuck to those I remember from the top of my head)

Needs: I struggle to think up something she needs... More gay? Always can use more gay.

Qualifications: Bi inter dimensional celestial avatar mutie Queen 💅

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Remy Lebeau aka Gambit aka Zaddy "I MURDER in a crop-top" Lebeau (guess which one I made up 🤣)

Needs: Mon ami! Gambit needs ONE thing, and she's called Anna Marie, chère. Aside from that, Gambit don't need NOTHING.

Qualifications: Bi sex icon mutie zaddy (seriously, he's GREAT with kids, like, breed me already, sir. Oh that's right, you're fictional, like my womb😮‍💨)

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Elisabeth Braddock aka Betsy aka Psylocke aka Captain Britain

Needs: Nothing. I'm in love with her new status in the Marvel Universe. Keep it going Marvel. No notes.

Qualifications: Bi ex-ninja inter dimensional protector

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Irene Adler aka Destiny aka Kurt's second biological moooom suck it Azazel 😁

Needs: The Krakoa era already took care of her needs. It would have been cool if a woman was allowed to seem old, but hey 🤷🏽‍♀️

Qualifications: Lesbian mutie freedom fighter

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn aka Yes, as you can see I'm aware of DC characters as well

Needs: For birds of prey the movie to be accepted as the classic it is, I will die on that hill. Don't even get me started.

Qualifications: Bi (although I'd debate she's a previously closeted lesbian)

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Cooper Cohen aka Web Weaver

Needs: A f*cking ongoing. Like yesterday. The fact it hasn't been done yet should be considered a criminal offense.

Qualifications: Super flamboyant and stylish gay dude

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Charlotte Webber aka Sun-Spider

Needs: Also a ongoing. Can't believe SPIDER-BOY got one before her. Like, wtf.

Qualifications: Badass disabled lesbian

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Felicia Hardy aka Black Cat

Needs: Tough question... More gay? Never too much gay. Seriously though, she already kinda DOPE.

Qualifications: Bi cat burglar. Be gay, do crimes 💅

🏳️‍🌈

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Karolina Dean aka Lucy in the Sky aka LSD (Yes, really)

Needs: For the Runaways comics to go on forever. Like, really. Not a joke.

Qualifications: Bi alien princess. Also she's a litteral rainbow alien 🏳️‍🌈

🏳️‍🌈

Bonus round:

Today's LGBTQ+ superhero comics character: Gwen Stacy aka Ghost Spider aka Spider-Gwen

Needs: For the spidercels to let our gurl go, she's OURS now. Also Sony, admit she's trans already, you COWARDS.

Qualifications: Trans gurl. Bite me Spidercels 🖕

PRIDE MONTH MAY BE OVER, BUT WE ARE ETERNAL, HAPPY FOREVER PRIDE Y'ALL !!!!

🏳️‍🌈

[baravaggio]

hello i wanted to ask you a question and i hope i don't sound biphobic.. what do you think of bi people in a heterosexual relationship who say they're "queering" heterosexuality or that their relationship is still queer? as a bi person myself i don't really get how you can "queer" a straight relationship because being queer is an act, unless the other person is also bi and they engage in sex practices that are subversive of heterosexual norms.... but i don't know! are there more academic discussions about this? i would like to hear your more informed opinion!

Hi! So this is a whole can of worms, but I'll do my best to answer...not without adding a couple long ass caveats first though, as always 😭

First, I think it's helpful to draw a distinction between sexuality descriptors as they're used to describe our private, internal experiences of sexuality, the ones that are mediated by invisible qualities like our personal sense of identity and time, and the sexuality descriptors as they're used as a tool of social categorization and political organization. I'm not interested in arguing against the idea that regardless of orientation, a visibly M/F couple will typically be read as straight, a visibly M/M or F/F couple will be read as gay or lesbian, and each will materially be treated differently as a result - this is obviously true, we live in a cisheteropatriarchal culture.

As always, I also think it's important to remember that words like straight, gay, queer, etc. are historically & culturally determined terms with their own messy histories, and that they're not necessarily going to track perfectly onto our lived experiences of sexuality as a result. So let's momentarily put aside any complaints about people who will say this stuff out of personal insecurity surrounding their "place in the queer community," or because they want to disrespect the sexual boundaries or lived struggles of gays and lesbians - not saying that you're doing this or that these people don't exist, but I don't think this is where the majority of people are coming from (despite how loud they can be on the internet), so I just want to get ahead of it.

To answer one of your questions, there is some academic discussion about this - this is by no means exhaustive, just a couple papers I've read that touch on the topic:

"Queer Ethics; Or, The Challenge of Bisexuality to Lesbian Ethics" by Elisabeth D. Däumer

"Playing with Butler and Foucault: Bisexuality and Queer Theory" by April S. Callis

Both are really interesting and fairly accessible imo, even if you've never read Foucault or Butler! And if you didn't already know, you can read 100 articles per month for free on JSTOR.

Those papers aside, my perspective has been informed by my personal experience more than anything. The tl;dr is that I don't really care what others do, but that I also think bisexuality throws a significant wrench into what we otherwise consider to be a relatively stable sense of ourselves as gendered, sexual, political, and social beings. It's destabilizing enough to make categorizing the emotional, sexual, erotic, and social aspects of our relationships as strictly straight or gay difficult for some people. While some of our relationships will be categorized this way in order to render them socially and politically intelligible to the larger culture, I think we can afford be a little more creative when we talk about how our bisexuality makes finding the right language for our relationships difficult. This of course won't be everyone's experience, but I can really only speak for myself here - I'll elaborate more on my personal experience and feelings under the read more if you're interested.

I'm not sure how much you know about me, so I'll give you the run down: prior to identifying as bi, I identified as a lesbian, and for most of my life I have found that my attraction (social, emotional, sexual, and much later, romantic) has been directed almost exclusively towards women. So much of the way I relate to others and myself have been informed by this lifelong experience of loving & being loved by women as someone who is read as a woman. I no longer identify as a lesbian (or strictly as a woman), but those experiences continue to shape the way I approach casual and intimate relationships, the way I have sex, my politics, my understanding of my gender, etc.

I prefer to sleep around and am not interested in dating for the foreseeable future (slut rights!), so I can't speak specifically from the POV of relationships...but I have found that this lifetime's worth of "lesbian" experiences have intimately affected my sexual experiences with men. Sex between women has its own unique tempo and its own language of eroticism, having sex with women has shaped the way I understand the "goals" of sex, how I move in my body, how I touch my partner...my encounters with women are ever present in & relevant to my encounters with men. Likewise, my experiences with men, specifically queer men, have impacted the way I have sex with women - I participate in still different practices of eroticism, different ways of relating to the bodies and emotions of others, different ways of understanding & accessing my physicality, and those experiences make constant additions and edits to the way I fuck women.

The effect of all this has been that I personally don't find much meaning in categorizing any given encounter as gay or straight. I think of this quote from Epistemology of the Closet quite often:

Will I categorize things along gay/straight lines for the purposes of answering a sexual health questionnaire when getting tested at a clinic, for example? Sure. But privately, between me and myself and me and my partners, I find the language inadequate. Even when the kind of sex I'm having isn't technically "subversive of heterosexual norms," the totality of my queer experience and how it never stops impacting upon my understanding of myself as a gendered, sexual, emotional, social, romantic, and political being prevents me from understanding it as entirely straight. At the same time, I wouldn't be offended if someone who is not privy to this history would label that encounter as a straight one. It's just a byproduct of the vocabulary available to us in the culture we live in.

I think it's important to understand that outside of the context of group sex or mixed gender polyamorous relationships, there is no way for us to meaningfully "perform" bisexuality. The origins of our modern sexuality labels lie in medicine and psychiatry, which has positioned heterosexual and homosexual acts as a dichotomy, with the goal of pathologizing homosexuality for the purposes of social control. In the article by Callis I linked above, she points out,

...the medicalization of "homosexual acts" forbids the creation of a bisexual person, because all individuals who were sexually active with others of the same sex were labeled as homosexual. Eadie (1993) stated that "bisexuality simply cannot exist as a category in discourses which name all male-male and female-female sex 'homosexual' and all male-female sex 'heterosexual'" (p.146) [...] Because "bisexual acts" did not exist within the medical discourse, there was also no corresponding bisexual species. A group of individuals could not be labeled as "bisexual" if there was no action they could perform that was read in this way. (p. 225)

I've discussed it some on here, but I highly recommend reading the Foucault section of that article for more context. Callis is talking about bisexuality as a personal identity descriptor, but I think the point extends to our descriptions of relationships as well. Another personal example - I have a fwb who is a cis bi man, a strict bottom who primarily has sex with other men. The way we understand ourselves and our relationship with sexuality and gender have been shaped by our sexual histories and preferences. The sum total of those experiences paired with the type of sex we have prevents both of us from understanding our arrangement as a strictly straight one, but if we were in a relationship, how would an outsider who might see us walking down the street hand in hand know that? Another quote, this time from the Däumer (p.96):

Anyway...maybe this wasn't the most direct or objective answer, but I think that the limitations of our language of sexuality mean that lengthier explorations are required - half the problem is that we don't have a succinct shorthand for this stuff! Like I said above, I can't really find it in myself to care what other people do. And I don't particularly care whether other people insist on calling my relationships gay or straight...I might not always agree, but I find it more amusing than distressing. The only thing I really care about is mutual respect and intellectual honesty, which is why I bother to be open about my personal experiences in the first place.

Hope this answers your question even a little bit 😭

[redwaterlakes]

more fnaf headcanons but this time it’s the silver eyes gang (+ robot lis)

remember this is just an au, obviously none of this is meant to be canonical and it’s just a little thing i do for fun :)

!! things might change over time !!

Charlotte Jean Emily (1)

aka. the human charlie.

born in texas, july of 1969. in consequence, she has a southern / texan accent.

a year younger than the afton twins.

died on her 18th birthday, 1987

she spent more time at the afton household than in her own home.

she loved to record what she did. she had thousands of tapes of her working, hanging out with elisabeth, annoying mike, or some of just her talking into the camera. she never went anywhere without it.

charlie was pretty much one of the afton siblings at some point. she was especially close with elisabeth, but she also got along well with mike, though he didn’t like to hang out with her since his friends thought she was weird.

charlie and elisabeth were attached at the hip. if you saw one of them, the other one had to be close by. their super close relationship was mostly a product of their fathers being super close as well and wanting their daughters to be best friends too.

henry and william used to dress them in matching outfits when they were toddlers.

as an only child with a dead mother and a workaholic and unconsciously neglectful father, she spent 90% of her time at home completely alone.

she’s middle eastern (egyptian) and east asian (japanese)

she’s also a lesbian

after elisabeth’s death, michael refused to talk to her ever again. she didn’t understand why and it made her very upset.

she worked at the freddy’s prize counter and was occasionally a waitress / attendant at kids’ parties.

she was kind of an airhead and never put much thought into things or actions that needed it, but was very thoughtful when she wanted to. therefore, she had pretty bad grades, but she gave pretty cool birthday gifts.

she had an amazing memory and a very long attention spam, she js didn’t care about school.

she and elisabeth had at least three different matching friendship bracelets.

she could listen to any type of music and enjoy it, but she liked country music the best.

charlie loved her dad, really. but she never expected much from him. he usually never fulfilled his promises, so she stopped expecting him to. the only time in her teenage years that she actually believed he would, it was when he promised he’d be there at her last birthday party.

she never had many friends since she was deemed “the weird girl” by many, but she was overall well liked, especially by her peers’ parents.

she had her mom’s eyes. they looked a lot alike.

do not even let her near a car. she’s failed her driving test at least 6 times and she’s almost ran over at least one person each time.

every time she opened her mouth she’d just spill a bunch of useless information about anything and everything. once she started talking, she’d most likely never stop.

this made her charismatic to many, incredibly annoying to others.

her mom died when she was two. she doesn’t have many memories of her (or any really), but her mom left her cards for every one of her birthdays up until 21. henry also makes sure she doesn’t forget how much her mama loved her and wanted to be a part of her life.

she never cared much for what others really thought about her, except for four people; her dad, the afton twins and a girl in her class she really liked.

henry didn’t get along well with his parents and brother, jen lived in the north at the time & charlie’s mom’s remaining family lived in japan, so she never met any of her extended family.

henry used to send jen updates about his life (specifically about charlie), since his wife’s death up until his daughter’s. when the letters suddenly stopped, jen flew to hurricane and decided to stay as much as it was necessary to check on her brother’s health.

Charlotte Jean Emily (2)

aka. the robot charlie.

in my au, since charlie died when she was a young adult, there is only three robo-charlies.

the first charlie was pre-teen charlie. henry made her as a 12-13 y/o first so he could “make up for lost time”.

the second charlie was teenager charlie. she was crushed by the house and some of her pieces were never recovered.

the third charlie was young adult-adult charlie. this was the charlie jessica and john found in the chest at jen’s house. therefore, she’s the “real” charlie in tfc.

henry never spent time with any of the charlies. the few memories she has of her dad are memories of when she was being made (she isn’t aware of this though), or they are blurry and incoherent memories of the human charlie.

though she isn’t possessed by her, the human charlie haunts charliebot. sharing with her her real memories and flashes of her lost life.

“there are five signs a ghost is haunting you. […] you start to have funny dreams and flashes of memories that are not yours. it’s like they possess your thoughts when they're near." — alone together, tales from the pizzaplex 8.

in my au, at the end of the fourth closet, both charlies pretty much end up fusing into one. i call her the ultimate charlie.

turns out robots can also be lesbians haha. who would’ve known.

she’s always had a big fat crush on jessica.

charlie and john have a brother-sister dynamic. they are very close.

jen never saw charliebot as her niece. she saw her as the last thing her brother left behind, she sees her more like something she has to take care of, but not like her family and not like the real charlie.

henry regretted making her ever since he finished the second charlie. every time he’d look into her eyes and see the shell of the memory of her daughter, of his wife, a little part of him died. he knew, though he really tried to repress these feelings, that his daughter was forever gone, and making a hyper-realistic robot replica of her would just make things worse.

btw, henry survived his suicide attempt. he just never cared to contact jen again out of mostly shame and fear. also, he wanted to know nothing about charliebot.

when they met again, (charliebot is in pizza sim in my au) even now that she had charlie’s essence and memories, henry still treated her like a thing. a burden he was set on getting rid of.

she never had a deep passion for robotics and just set for that since that’s what her father did.

she also had terrible grades, but unlike her human counterpart, she did care about school, she was just not naturally good at it.

she used to be so angry that she couldn’t remember anything about her life before she moved with her aunt at 13.

then she found out that she had no life before 13 and she was like “oh 😃”.

clay and betty were both friends of henry and his wife from way before they even had kids. they both know what charlie is, except betty keeps distance because of how uncomfortable seeing charliebot feels like. clay got mostly used to this but he still feels unsettled by it sometimes.

clay and betty were also very close with william and carmen but that’s unrelated to charlie so…

she was a mall / casual goth who really liked country music.

she has a drivers license but she is a terrible driver. everyone is scared of getting on a car she’s driving.

she’s gotten arrested for drinking and driving too.

like human charlie, she also has a country accent, except hers is less loud and less noticeable.

she rarely brushed her hair and would usually just throw on whatever clothes without any care.

her personality, things she likes or hates, opinions, etc. are pretty much the same as the human charlie, she’s just a bit more closed off, awkward and quiet.

Jessica Elaine Wagner

she’s a natural brunette but she dyes her hair blonde because she feels like it suits her better.

she’s the daughter of a diplomat and a celebrity (think either an actress or a fashion person) so she grew up rich, but she deeply dislikes her family so she emancipated and moved out pretty young.

the whole reason why she left brooklyn (her home town) was cause she wanted to get away from her parents.

born in winter, 1980

natural born leader.

the reason why she used to spend time in utah as a little kid was because some family members lived there so they occasionally visited.

she’s the popular blonde girl but she’s actually very nice. think cher from clueless. instead of making fun of other people she likes to help and make others be themselves and feel included, there’s very few people around town that dislike her and she’s almost like a celebrity for a lot of people.

elle woods core.

she’s a lesbian in denial kind of. she isn’t aware that she’s a lesbian (YET) but she has gay thoughts. and she also is very in love with her bestie charlie.

she has a brooklyn accent so when carlton was pretending to have one she was in the phone like “you ain’t fooling anyone”.

jessica and john (and carlton too, actually, except he did come in a little bit later), were pretty much the founders of the friend group. they are very very close and deeply care about each other (you will never get them to admit that though).

her favorite color is yellow.

she speaks a lot of languages and takes a lot of pride on that.

she’s also very very smart.

she’s had a lot of hobbies because she gets bored of them really easily. some of the ones that have stuck are photography and clothe-making.

she’s pretty tall. abt 1.80cms.

she’s a compulsive cleaner. everything always has to be neat and pretty.

she’s not necessarily positive or negative, she just sees things like they are.

jessica is also very honest. she’ll call anyone out if needed or asked to.

deep down, she knew fake charlie (elisabeth) wasn’t charlie. she could tell. she knew her charlie. except that, unlike john, she wanted to believe it, so she just repressed those thoughts.

she can’t keep the same look/hairstyle for more than a month.

Jonathan Bartholomew Brandt

he’s emo in every sense except in looks.

he was raised by his grandparents and used to be pretty close with his aunts, uncles and cousins until he dropped out and stopped contact mostly out of shame.

local tall white boy.

italian-american.

his grandma calls him barry. jessica and carlton call him that to annoy him.

he had a crush on charlie once in 9th grade and got over it after a week.

half of her relationship with charlie is just her saying something way out of line and john js being like ????

everyone in the friend group knows jess and charlie have a thing going on but none of them has done anything about it so they have a bet on who’ll make the first move.

john bets on charlie because at least she’s fully aware she likes women.

john is jessicaxcharlie’s biggest supporter. he loves his lesbian besties.

if it wasn’t for jessica constantly checking on him during the months between tto & tfc, he would’ve taken his life.

he was born in august, 1980

he’s trans.

he really likes watching reality tv

he has a very sassy personality, very sarcastic and is pretty much a drama queen.

his personality is kind of a mix between zuko & sokka from atla. sarcastic guy who always plans ahead but is never taken seriously because he always find a way to fuck it up / angsty and distant guy with commitment issues who’s actually js a extremely sassy drama queen.

jessica is his anchor to the real world. she’s always there to call him out on his bs (especially bcs he’s very blind to misogyny but once jess points it out he’ll know in the future and shut it down), she has helped him to get ready for dates or set some up for him, and she was the first to know he planned to dropout and offered to help him get a job (he refused).

john wants (and plans) to pay her back for everything she’s ever done for him, cause he knows he can be a handful and appreciates jess a lot for everything. they are practically siblings and consider each other that even if they’ll never say it out loud they know they both think that.

the straight one™️.

he has had several girlfriends, though he doesn’t really do relationships anymore since they always end badly for him.

he used to be (before tfc) a flirt and kind of a ladies man in some way (he didn’t date around much but he did it enough), he never really looked for anything really serious in any of his relationships but he was always very honest about that.

john’s very afraid of commitment. not only regarding relationships but on anything really.

he is very respectful when it comes to boundaries tho. like he respects women lol.

every time jessica or charlie say anything between the lines of “we’re besties / we’re just friends” he looks at them like 🤨

when he’s bored, he likes writing poetry.

he usually shows his poems to charlie but he uses way too complicated words so she just nods, pretends like she understands and tell him they’re very good.

he has no regards for his personal safety or well being.

Carlton Dallas Burke

he copes with humor.

he’s a mama’s boy.

he is also very very close with his dad too tho.

is a good actor when he wants to or is convenient.

tries very hard to make his parents proud. clay always tells him he doesn’t need anything but be himself to make him proud and though betty also feels this way, she’s a tad bit more strict and expects much from him cause she knows he’s capable.

he’s mixed. white american (dad) and black ghanian (mom)

he looks JUST like his mom. if it wasn’t for some of his facial features, clay’s genes wouldn’t have contributed at all.

he’s bisexual but he’s still figuring that out. still, his closet’s made of glass. he always says things like “john, if you were a girl i’d marry you” or “[insert any male celebrity] hot af no homo tho”

he has an overall good family dynamic. even though his parents have been separated for a while and carlton is already of age, they still care for each other and make sure he knows there isn’t any bad blood between them. he keeps very close contact with both.

carlton thought not-charlie had a certain something but then he saw elisabeth’s human (and the clown form too 😭) and that’s when he started to think she’s hot. when he met him, he also thought michael was very hot. like this man js has a thing for the whole family.

he had a small crush on marla. it never got to anything though.

elisabeth, mike and marla have one thing in common too 😭

carlton bets jessica’ll make the first move cause charlie is way too awkward to do anything.

ever since he dropped out of college (between tto-tfc), john had been very distant with him. carlton tried to keep contact by sending letters and updates but he never answered any of them. this makes him very sad cause john’s his best friend and he feels like he’s losing him.

he really likes making prank calls.

María Elena “Marla” Delgado

she’s (white) hispanic! her mom’s from el salvador and her dad was from panamá. she was raised in the us though.

the mom friend ever.

jason’s her half brother. she isn’t particularly close with her stepdad but they both respect each other and he doesn’t treat her any differently.

she gives the best hugs ever.

she's a big girl and she can get very self conscious about it sometimes, but she’s grown to love herself like she is and be comfortable with her body.

she gives the most thoughtful and coolest gifts ever.

marla also likes to plan her friends birthday parties. it’s usually more of a team work between her and jessica.

she has super dark chocolate eyes and curly dark brown hair.

marla bets jess & charlie’ll go on into their lives torturing themselves because none of them will ever confess.

she cries very easily, and it’s the kind of crying that makes you cry too cause she’s always so happy and joyful that it hurts to see her cry.

Elisabeth “Dolly” Eleanor Afton

she’s dangerous and she’s coming to the games.

she’s not a remodel of the fourth charlie or any of her bot versions for that matter.

when dolly (baby) “ate” her, william remodeled her to look slightly more like elisabeth. her “original” form still looks like a clown, though it resembles eleanor more than game baby.

she uses an illusion of her human form often.

el still tries to convince herself she’s the same person she was. it’s not until tfc that she embraces that she’s no longer the same elisabeth and that she’s a robot.

after she came back from the dead, she was ecstatic to continue on with her life, except that wasn’t william’s idea.

he wanted elisabeth to follow his steps and help him to get what he wanted and convinced her to under the promise he would bring evan back and things would be the same again, clearly, she only used this to manipulate her.

the man that raised her, her best friend, her father, is no longer the same person he used to be. completely consumed by his obsession for immortality; dolly is convinced her father died with evan only to be replaced by the monster that has brought her back.

*tolerate it by taylor swift plays in the back*.

remember how i said she used to want to be an actress? pretending to be charlie was the closest she’d ever get to be one.

she deeply envies charliebot for getting to live the teenage life she doesn’t get to.

she can eat and william encourages to do so since that way she isn’t that dependent on her recharging station, but the only thing to ever get into her mouth is coca-cola.

elisabeth doesn’t have any of charlie’s memories. she got all her information through extortion or her dad’s testimony, and went with the personality of charlie she used to know; the outgoing, talkative and loud girl who didn’t care what others thought about her.

when she first started pretending to be charlie, (in my au, instead of six months she does that for almost a year) she wasn’t too fond of the idea so she tried to sabotage it, until she realized that was her chance on a normal life and having friends, so she started putting in a little effort on it, until she realized john and jessica knew and that’s when she really gave up.

her default height is 2.25m (7’4ft i think) but her preferred height is 1.95m (6’something idk)

out of the friend group, she dislikes jessica the least and she finds marla the most annoying.

one of the things she hates the most about her situation is that she has to sit around and interact with her half siblings.

and to watch her dad remake his family and forgetting about his promise of bringing back hers.

hopefully, i’ll add more later.

sorry if there’s any typos or grammar errors, english isn’t my first language lol.

i had a lot to say abt charlie lmao. anyways, i’ll add more to carlton and marla when i have more ideas.

in my au, the silver eyes trilogy takes place from 1997-1999 so their age range is 17-19

also, how weird is it if i lowkey ship el and john 😭 like, i feel like they’d have an interesting development and relationship and i feel like they’d ve cute together idk 😭😭

if anyone has any questions regarding my au pls ask! i’d be happy to answer any questions.

as i said, none of this is meant to be taken as canon, is just an au :)

[apinchofm]

I love the fact that Violet still tried to hook Eloise up.

"I found out my new hairdresser is a lesbian and single. Eloise, I gave her your number."

She must have laid an egg when she discovered Eloise was dating a single mum. A new daughter in law and two grand babies! She must have been thrilled.

Violet cares not for sexual orientation but for marriage and companionship.

"Eloise, dear, I was speaking to Elisabeth Goring who told me her eldest daughter's roommate may be gay."

She loved Marina. She supports single mothers, and made care packages for her and the babies. She was so excited that they were twins! Eloise is worried when she bring Marina for family dinner and sighs.

"Your mum seems really nice; what's the problem?"

"No, she will not let you leave."

[fitzrove]

Passing this on :p

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 💞

Ahhhhh thank you so much!!!!!! This is so nice of you to send >:] tysm <3

I'm going to recommend both Elisabeth and Endeavour fics because I've spent a lot of time writing for both!! So let's get to it, in no order of preference:

Feel The Night - Endeavour (TV) - rated T, Morse x Jakes, vampire AU, Victorian setting, mystery/romance, ballroom dancing, neck biting, strangers to lovers, 5 chapters / 23.5k

This is secretly a TdV / Endeavour fusion (from before my full-blown euromusical era hehehehehe). I think it's some of the best work on setting and mood that I've done - like I did a bunch of research and actually put that to the page ajdjjjg. Really proud of it even 3 years down the line!!

Flights of Angels - Elisabeth - rated M (references sex), Rudolf x Tod, post-canon, angst with a happy ending, character growth, historical references and commentary, 12 chapters / 20k

My todolf divorce fanfic xD Exploring the deep implications of the common trope of human-to-Todesengel; Tod backstory and worldbuilding, esp referencing the human-metaphor dichotomy inherent in Máté's portrayal; character growth and character development for Rudolf. Yeah I wax poetic but this is actually mostly an exploration of how Máté!Tod and Lukas!Rudolf (because they are very specific portrayals!!!!) could make a long-term relationship work. There are Implications to it. Also, Mizzi Kaspar appears!!!

Vögelein - Elisabeth - rated M (but one chapter might as well be E), Rudolf x Tod, lesbian todolf, 5+1, historical commentary and references, 6 chapters / 7.2k

Lesbian todolf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's literally just "what if Rudolf was born a girl" (and Stéphanie a boy) and goes from there - ie. we end up in the Belgian court which comes with extremely unfortunate implications in the late 19th century. Also Tod is a woman (hehe lyrics reference) because I don't stand for heterosexuality sorry AHSHFHGH. Rudolf also keeps all his (= her) unsavoury historical womanizing because it's so integral to the character, in my opinion. I'm really proud of this >:]

Soft Like Summer Rain - Endeavour - rated M (but one chapter might as well be E), Morse x Jakes / Jakes x Hope / Morse x Jakes x Hope, mutual pining, 21 chapters / 51.6k

My longest fic to date!! I wrote it when I was 18 fun fact: largely in class too xD so some parts I can't bear to reread because I'm afraid I'll find lots of melodrama ahdjg, but it's one of a kind and I'm so proud of what it represents!! Plot: what if Morse visited Jakes over the summer after S3 and things kinda went from there. I can't believe Jakes asking him to come to the US with him actually became canon in S9, 4 years after this fic was published,, half-convinced Russ Lewis reads my fanfic...

Midnight Man - Elisabeth - rated E, Rudolf x Tod, modern AU, yeah um it's a one-shot that's rated E and only 2k words long you can do the math about what happens in it...

My first todolf fanfic xD Lawyer Rudolf. There's an entire unpublished modern AU universe based on this but it's more fun to think about than it necessarily is to write out, especially since the fun parts are just Tod forcibly inserting himself into Rudolf's life as common-law boyfriend/roommate (depression metaphor!!1) and getting up to shenanigans. I don't really have interesting things to say re: it being a modern AU, which makes it harder to write. I've worked on a ballet AU behind the scenes for like 2 years adjhfjjg which is a modern AU that takes the metaphors a lot further... but I haven't managed to write it because I'm not entirely sure how I'll approach it, especially the Tod characterisation in that. But I've done so much research that hopefully I will write something in that universe eventually...

Thank you again for sending this, it was so much fun to look back on what I've written!! >:]

[camreadsum]

I've been having quite a reading season so I thought I'd do the MID-YEAR Freak Out Tag to document it all since that was the point of this account before I abandoned it. 😬

Anyways Let's Go!! (I will not be going into detail about the books, just how/why they fit the question)

Best Book So Far: A Strange And Stubborn Endurance by Foz Meadows

If ever there was a book designed for me as the target audience, it's this one. This book is everything I want when I pick up a fantasy romance. This is proof that you do not need to abandon or half ass your world building because "the focus is the romance anyway"

Honourable mention :A Taste of Gold And Iron by Alexandra Rowland. Another M/M romantasy with lovable characters in a lush, well realized world of fantasy.

Good fucking Soup!!

Best Sequel: Winter of the Witch.

Third book in the Winter night Trilogy. Historical fantasy. Epic conclusion to an amazing series. Russian folklore, utterly unforgettable MC, old gods vs Christianity battle it out in the unforgiving world of medieval Russia. Full of myth and extreme stakes. Went straight up my top 5 fave series of all time.

Honourable mention: The Long Game by Rachel Reid (book 8). A hockey romance that was just pure fun. Both light and heart-felt. Chaos and Fun. Overall good time.

New Release I haven't Gotten To Yet: Yellowface by R.F Kuang

Most Anticipated Release for the 2nd Half Of The Year: He Who Drowned The World (coming August 24) Sequel to She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker Chan.

Biggest Dissapointment : Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas. This was such an unpleasant experience. A one note character who was so removed from her reality and surroundings that I was unable to connect with her or the story. She had no reactions to any of the horrendous things happening to and around her. She didn't care, had no goals, motivations etc. She just WAS! (One would would argue that that was the point given the self medication and trauma, and perhaps they'd be right) I just couldn't help but feel like I wasted my time here. Thinking about this book still makes me angry.

Honourable mention: The Beautiful Ones by Sivia Moreno Garcia.

Several trusted sources hyped this book up as not only a really juicy historical romance but the best from Miss Garcia. And as someone who didn't get the hype behind Mexican Gothic, I was hoping this would be my chance to appreciate Silvia's work. IT WASN'T!! I'm starting to think Me n Silvia just aren't suited to each other. (I will still read Gods of Jade And Shadow since I already own the audiobook but I won't pick up anything new moving forward)

Biggest Surprise: Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe.

This is contemporary fiction featuring sad gays coming of age. I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed and was gut punched by this story. This duology did for me what SONG OF ACHILLES did for the girls.

Honourable Mention: Silver Under Nightfall by Rin Chupeco. I don't even have words for how this book swept me away. Another MC I would lay down my life for. Charming characters, dark world, monstrous creatures and sexy vampires. AGAIN a book designed with ME in mind.

Fave New Author: T Kingfisher.

Technically I discovered them last year with the Paladin Series but I've only gotten to expound on their catalog this year and boy do they keep GIVING!! Their writing style is equal parts Humour, whimsy, vivid and just hits all the beats. Her characterization is obe of my favorites for sure. An auto-read author for me moving forward.

Honourable mention :KJ Charles

An indie author who focuses on queer romantic and historical fantasy. She's yet to let me down

Newest Fictional Crush: I don't really crush on book characters but for the sake of this question Delilah Green from Delilah Green Doesn't Care(super tated Butch Lesbian with percings and mommy issues?! Come on now)

Honourable mention : Tadek from A Taste Of Gold And Iron. The complete Chaos that is this man. We would be best friends immediately!!

Newest Fave Character : Velasin Vin Aaro- Aeduria from A Strange And Stubborn Endurance. Fits the archetype of all my favorite male characters. Cute, shy, super smart and entirely a cinnamon role. Him, Cae and Markel are the PERFECT chaotic Trio. (Pls go read this book y'all I need someone to die over it with me)

Honourable mention : Ilya Rozanov from Long Game. Look, this man is a total bastard, a delinquent, an utter S.O.B but I stand by him. *Keke Palmer voice* I KNOW HIM Y'ALL!! I KNOW HIM!!

Book That made me Cry: Satisfaction Guaranteed by Karelia Stetz-Waters.

Listen, I may have been going through some things at the time but that last act L0ve Declaration GOT ME!! just cheesing and sobbing like "love is real y'all"

Book That Made Me Happy: Swordheart by T Kingfisher.

The utter WHOLESOMENESS that is this book!!!the FMC was so pure and guileless and genuine I wanted to hug her. The high jinks, the shenanigans and the wonder of it all. This story was utterly hilarious, sweet, emotional and fun. All the things I want in my romances. Solidified Kingfisher's Pen Game as unclockable.

(The audiobook narrator for Halla is one of the most talented in the game. Give her all the gigs!)

If you see this and are interested pls join in. I'd love to see what everyone's been reading.

[slytherindisaster]

Just some ramblings because I have some ocs I need to work on and I don't want to forget about it. Also a few questions I did forgot about and I'm bad at communicating so this is my way of handling this.

The Sapiehas

Their birth years and overall existence don't make much sense because I fucked up when I decided on Gabriel's birth year making him like 10 years olden than the rest of HPHL mcs so let's just pretend that it makes sense in the end ok.

CJ — 3 years younger than Gabriel, Hufflepuff, because his father died when CJ was barely 14 he grew up idolising him and resenting Gabriel for always rebelling against his rules. CJ ends up following Joseph's footsteps and becomes an auror and also just like his father developing a problem with alcohol. He would either have a wife he does not care for or just stay single apart from some meaningless relationships. He dies from alcohol poisoning at age 34.

Margaret — 2 years younger than CJ, Ravenclaw, INFP, lesbian. The fact that her brothers never stopped fighting broke her heart. If I could find her some love interest it would be fun because she deserves it but I'm also tempted to leave her to be a spinster and also the coolest aunt to Gabriel's kids. Or maybe both. Either way she wouldn't have any kids on her own.

Jojo & Elisabeth — because of my dumbass decision to make Winnie's birth year 1905 that would make Jojo & Elisabeth's birth years 1901 & 1904 respectively. Also @beloved-bucky I know we've been talking about them and how they would make cool fantastic beasts ocs but as I said I'm shit at communicating so it got dropped. Since I shamelessly already took Winnie my question is – would you like to take one (or both) for yourself? I know I can be shitty when it comes to collaboration so I thought it might be easier to just split and develop them separately? If you want? Or just drop all the ideas about them at once and maybe then try to make sense out of it?

Mallory & The Rosiers

They're all just a bunch of random ideas plastered on a faceclaim rather than fleshed out characters but I'm working on it. Also @cursebreakerfarrier are we content with Toby and Winnie having two kids or do we want more?

Mallory Brokenshire — born 1931 to Winnie & Toby, 2 years younger than Jem, slytherin, INTJ, owns a potion shop on Diagon Alley. Again because I'm a dumbass and can't do math she would be only 20 when her daughter is born but I could totally see Tilly just hanging out at the potion shop for half of her childhood. I'm more concerned about how on earth would she have a potion shop by that age but maybe grandpa Gabriel could help with that.

Sterling Rosier — around 4 years older than Mallory, Pukwudgie house alumni, freshly finished with his Healer training when he comes to England to reconnect with his family there. He and Mallory meet in her shop when he has to run errands for the hospital. Then he ends up coming there for stuff he doesn't really needs and less than a year later they're already engaged. He is a sweetheart tho so I might kill him prematurely >:)

Leland Rosier — Sterling's brother, I'm not sure atm what's their age difference but I'm tempted to make them twins. Basically everything about him is tbd

Victor Rosier — Sterling's father, probably born sometime around 1901 but I'm not sure yet, his family moved to USA when he was 5 or so and he is a Thunderbird alumni. He works as an Auror and he used to be Tina's partner before she was dismissed. I will probably open him for ships if anyone's interested but keep in mind that he has to have at least two sons.

Evangeline* Rosier — a pretty big timeskip here because she would be a golden era oc. Either Harry or Ginny's year. She would be Evan & Felix's sister and she would be a Hufflepuff. Idk much about her for now, I might give her a ship with canon character but I'm not sure yet. She's the best tho.

*her name will probably change tho

The Parkers

Tilly Brokenshire-Rosier — not much going on here tbh, she's Mallory and Sterling's daughter, Lizzie's mother, a gryffindor and a professional Chaser, although her career is cut short when she gets pregnant and then her husband and step-son dissappear in mysterious circumstances and well everything goes to shit.

Anthony Parker — he's a cool guy who doesn't have much luck in life, his wife left him with a little kid and he has trouble with keeping his shit together, I'm not sure how he meets Tilly yet but they're the sweetest and she instantly loves Jacob and they're so happy together. Until they're not. He is a Hufflepuff and a magizoologist who specialises in winged horses.

Jacob Parker — so, yeah, he's Lizzie's half-brother and he is around six years older because I saw this post and I really like that logic, he is a big wip still but I might kill him or Lizzie in the second wizarding war bc I'm a bitch

[robespapier]

5,6, 9, 13

Since Thermidor is upon us, I'm chosing Robespierre (and to go with your Saint-Just ;)).

5. What is the most ridiculous statement on them you have ever read?

Haha, with Robespierre it's "take your pick!", there's....everything and its opposite and what's popular at a time says more about our society than it does about Maximilien.

So I could give you the latest flavour of queer-coding, namely Claude Guillon's "Robespierre was an evil lesbian" in his Robespierre, les Femmes et la Révolution (2021), it's worth a (sad) laugh but I don't think Guillon is going to be read or taken seriously by many (at least I hope not). So instead I'll give you what to me is a very bad combo of ridiculous and pernicious: old, tired, innacurate, lazy clichés dressed as funny satire.

Here for example, this Kate Beaton comic:

I feel like it's hard to criticize it without looking like a killjoy who can't take a joke. But is it really a joke if it's relying on ideas many hold as the truth? Sure, they'll think it's exagerated for comedy effect...but based on some truth nonetheless. It's very powerful in spreading and cementing innacurate, bad takes.

Idk where the unfeeling, heartless Robespierre trope comes from? The artificial, made-up absolute opposition between him and Danton? From Robespierre depiction as aromantic and/or asexual?

And if so, it's completely disregarding platonic love? Familial love? Friendship? He was living with the Duplays at the time of the events depicted in this comic (Camille's arrest) and Elisabeth Duplay's writtings paints him as a kind, attentive brother figure. His friends spoke positively of him, in his sister's memoirs he's selfless and generous...

He wasn't in politics for personal gain. He cared about other people. He cared so much. Don't let it be say he didn't know love or empathy.

6. In your opinion, what is their biggest flaw?

He talked to much, pretty sure that why they killed him.

More seriously, I'm gonna go with something that isn't a "flaw" per se, but that I think put him the most at a disavantage...and I would even say played a role in Thermidor happening the way it did.

I was thinking back on that funny anecdote about Robespierre playing with the host dog at a party instead of talking to the guests, and the witness delivering the anecdote seeing it as a proof of arrogance. Today we easily see it as nothing more than social-awkwardness, because we have accounts of Robespierre himself talking about his shyness in public (can't find the quote at the moment), and his friends' accounts describing him as bright and jovial...and who isn't more relaxed among friends?

But I think his aloofness in public was easily seen as arrogance, and in the end, when Fouché conspired against him, it made him an easy target. It made it easier for Fouché to convince other deputies that Robespierre was an ennemy, to make them paranoid...because they didn't feel like they knew him or could trust him? And it made it more difficult for Robespierre to defend himself, to dismiss Fouché's words?

I'm speculating and not very articulate about it...but I think it's something to be weighted.

9. What is your favourite depiction of them (e.g. in painting, sculpture etc.)?

The Deseine terracotta bust, I think it's a lot of people's favorite, and for good reasons, it's wonderful! He's so lively...he looks forever stopped mid-speech, a bit surprised.

My own pics from my trip to Vizille are bad (the glass case around the bust makes it difficult to take good shots), so here's some links: here for a post discussing its merits and accuracy, here for pics from every angles, and here for an animation with the MyHeritage app.

13. If you had the chance to meet them, what is the first thing you would ask them?

*pushing the door of a bakery open* "So, what kind of tarts do you like most?"

Because he's the very definition of talkative, I'm very talkative too, and long chats are better with drinks and food :D.

Also, where's the post about Robespierre's tart poem (with English translation)? I wanted to link it, but can't find it :(.

[shini--chan]

Hello! Would you mind doing some head canons for yandere ciel phantomhive with a male s/o who is very compliant to his affections because he's touch starved (but he hates yelling/aggression) please? If not, that's perfectly fine. Thank you! I hope you have a great day. 💞

First of all, thank you for sending this ask in. After writing so much for Hetalia, this is very welcome. Not that I’ve tired from writing for that fandom, I just want to write about other anime as well. I wish you a wonderful day as well.

I contemplated doing it with an adult Ciel & s/o, yet I’ve decided to make the relationship entirely non-sexual. You could imagine the two being in their teens. I believe it would make more sense with the context of the hcs.

Yandere Ciel Phantomhive

For one, Ciel would adore your shy nature. He would be the one more inclined to power and control, ever since that fateful day. So it would be a god sent to have somebody at his side that would willingly relinquish control to him. Your shy personality would quickly amuse him. While he would be the sort of person to find such traits in a lover appealing, he wouldn’t initially like them in any random person. Yet you would somehow manage it – through your radiance, through your matureness, through your wit. There would simply be something that would draw him to you.

Since he has lost some many people that he has adored in his young life, and since he can’t trust all those currently in it entirely, he would quickly cling to you. The lord wouldn’t have to keep his hackles raised as he would by Sebastian, nor would he have to mince his words and spout lies like by the Prince, Elisabeth and the staff. Entrusting you with the truth would be a further way to bind you to him. After all, nobody would believe you if you’d spill the beans. Nor would you bat away the responsibility.

Dumbfounded, you stared out after the butler as he exited the room. He had been peeved at the prospect of being dismissed in favour of you, yet since he was bound by contract he couldn’t disobey. Something you weren’t aware of. Yet.

Yet that didn’t mean you had a hunch as to what he was. The way his eyes glowed, how he was to elegant and competent to be a mere mortal, he feline way he carried himself – those were the indicators that told you he wasn’t human.

“What is the matter, my sweet? Pick up your jaw from the floor and continue you eating. The food is getting cold and there is nothing worse than a cold Sunday roast”, Ciel remarked next to you.

You promptly did as you were told, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks in shame of your behaviour. Running your hands down your vest in nervousness, you then laid one on the table close to him, in hopes he would sooth your nerves.

“He isn’t human? Isn’t he.”

Violett eyes flashed in comprehension and that familiar cunning emerged in his expression. According to many, such trait was condemnable in the young and certainly didn’t belong on a youthful face. You didn’t care for such trivialities since you were of the opinion that it suited him. Besides, wasn’t your very relationship deplorable as it was? What was breaking another of the established rules then?

Gently he laid his hand over yours and you felt your heart flutter in response. Even though you had slowly grown used to him, to how he would cling to you until he was your entire world only to push you away again, you still became disappointed when he would take up an offer for affection, and became elated when he did.

Softly stroking your knuckles with ringed fingers, he casually stated, as if it wasn’t a ground-breaking fact: “Yes, he is a demon.”

Of course, he would guide you through the whole integration process, partially because he would be generally concern, partially because he wouldn’t risk the chance of you or anybody else thwarting his plans and stealing you away.

Overall, he never would be the cuddly, kissy type of man. Obvious affections would be restricted to when it would be only the two of you. Other than that, he would show occasional scrapes of fondness to you in public – enough to tell the world that he is interested in you, but not enough to let people think that you would be an established relationship. Personally, I see him wielding your hunger for affection and fear of aggression like the carrot and the stick. He would pamper you if you would behave yell and not shy away from letting his temper show should you be naughty.

Considering this was an era where man-man relationships were extensively tabooed (lesbians were allowed to have romantic friendships), he would keep his obsession with you under the wraps as best as possible It would pain him that he would never be allowed to marry you.

As a cover-up, he would enlist Elisabeth to continue playing his fiancé, and later, his wife. Naturally, she wouldn’t be happy about the relationship, being in love with Ciel. However, she would eventually concede, wanting Ciel to also find the uttermost fulfilment in a meaningful relationship.

[pellicano-sanguino]

Lately I have been reading a lot of books with White Rabbit. We just finished reading Carmilla, taking turns in reading the chapters to each other. My copy of the novella came in an anthology of lesbian vampire stories (I know nowdays there are plenty of Carmillas published all on their own but back when I was a teenage vampire lover, if you wanted this story, you had to buy an anthology). I was curious to why I didn’t remember much about the other stories in the book. I love vampires, I love lesbians, so why were these other short stories so forgettable to me? I decided to re-read the book through, in hopes that I might find a good story to read to White Rabbit.

All the stories in this anthology are written by women, by the way. So, when the quality is bad we can’t place the blame on men not knowing shit about female anatomy or struggling with their age old dilemma of “I know this is a lesbian story...  but there’s GOT to be a penis in there somehow!!!”

The first story is a retelling of Dracula as a parody of feminism. Which, admittedly, could be kinda clever as a metaphor, since men and anti-feminist women do view feminism as a dangerous disease spread by unnatural women who shun their god given second class citizen status, so men equating vampirism and feminism kinda makes sense. But I’m afraid this was not the intention of the short story, but instead it was written tongue-in-cheek to make fun of “höhöhö them femminists spell woman/women as womon/wimmin and have names like Clytoris and Awesomewomyn.”

The second story tells about a female vampire somewhere in old timey Europe (not specific where or when) trying to convince her parents to let her in after they have begun to suspect that she’s not human. Eventually she does talk them over. And...   that’s about it. Wow. What a lesbian vampire story. The protagonist fantasizes about the woman of her dreams for a brief moment near the end, as if the writer realized in the last minute that she forgot to put lesbians in her lesbian vampire story. Yes, a single lesbian vampire technically makes it a lesbian vampire story but let’s face it, when the audience wants lesbian vampires, we want to see the romance between two lesbian vampires or a vampire and her donor/victim. 1/10, you tried.

The third story is about Elisabeth Bathory (yes, that Bathing Essi), who is about to be wed at like fourteen but before that can happen she makes her vampire servant hypnotize a local nobleman and force him to have sex with her. 

Eww.

And no, there is no lesbian romance or sex scenes in this one either. There’s a vague hint of Elisabeth having feelings for her vampire servant but the rest is just heterosexual pedophilic rape. Fantastic.

The next story tells of an escaped slave girl who gets rescued by a vampire woman and taken to work in her brothel. Thankfully not as a prostitute, but still, why did it have to be a fucking brothel? Also, no lesbian sex scenes in this one either, but we do get a rather graphic het sex scene when a man discovers the hiding girl and rapes her before she manages to kill him. Oh yay more rape, just what I always wanted.

I am noticing a concerning lack of lesbianism in my lesbian vampire story anthology.

So far I’m in the fifth story and this one, thank goodness, actually has some lesbians in it. It’s about a vampire who seduces a tourist in New Orleans and takes her away to have some sensual blood drinking fun. Woohoo for actual lesbians, but I swear, if a story sounds promising, this anthology will find a way to make it stupid. The author described the bodies of these two lovers in rather odd words. The vampire is said to have “nipples that point to the ceiling.” I know the female body comes in all kinds of shapes and I wouldn’t be surprised if...   breasts that hook up at the tip like this did exist somewhere...  but I sure have never seen ones like that and the mental image of fishing-hook boobs is unintentionally comedic. The human woman on the other hand, is described as having “square nipples.” What is this cubistic fuckery?! Has the author seen a woman?! Even her own body?!

It’s disappointing but not surprising when men fail to write women and lesbians, when women fail at it, the disappointment hits much more harshly.

[thegirlisuedtobe]

Hi! I've been looking into Ok Joohyun since I followed you and I'm curious if you could recommend some of her shows? I listened to a performance of the Rebecca song and I was really blown away. Also, do you think audios of her do justice or should I watch videos instead?

OH BOY ANON!! Do I have a whole long long list for you LMAOOO Please come off anon let’s talk, I literally could talk about her for hours and if you do I’ll give you a couple gifts ;)) Since it’s the month of gift giving~

But honestly as far as her shows? all of them LMAO anything from her career 2010 and forward. I refuse ti look at any of her work earlier than that bc oof she was still working herself out. Let’s just go through her theatre history and then I’ll recommend my most favourite shows she’s done!

I realised that this is so long LMAO like I literally sat here for 30 minutes droning on, I swear you probs wanted like a 3-4 lines or something mdsfkgk But everything is under the cut!

(From 2010 forward) Since she’s doing Monte Cristo for its 10th Anniversary, please, please check out her “When the World Was Mine” and “All This Time.” The performances I linked are things that I just keep coming back to and it’s amazing!! A friend of mine was able to go see this year’s Monte Cristo run and her “All This Time” performance was just so so incredible, like a complete full body experience.

(2011 also doesn’t exist to me btw) But 2012 was where she was really starting to turn her career around. Like keep in mind that a lot of people still regard her as an idol and an ingenue type cast, so when she did Elisabeth people were starting to pay attention. Elisabeth as a role means a lot to her and she has kind of become Korea’s Elisabeth having represented Korea for the 25th anniversary against Elisabeth’s of the world. The part she does best is angst LMAO and this performance of “Rudolf, Where Are You?” is just heartbreaking ㅠㅠ

2013 was the real game changer in terms of her career. Rebecca literally shot past the moon, did yall know she was meant to be cast as Ich??? As Ich???? But the CEO of Emk personally was like I want to see her as Mrs Danvers, and honestly I owe my life to that CEO. Having personally gone and seen her live earlier this year HOLY SHIT actually HOLY SHIT because no audio or video really can ever capture the absolute incredible feeling to be in that theater hearing her sing and act. Added bonus is that she thinks Danny is a lesbian so Ock!Danny stans really won LMAO She also did Wicked in the same year and honestly we just kept winning. Her “No Good Deed” is the best hands down don’t @ me @ god

She kept doing Wicked until 2014 then did Marie Antoinette, and as far as she nails all of the angst parts in act 2, I think I’d rather have seen her as the rival protagonist, Margrid. Joo Hyun is deff more of a belter than a soprano but she can do both.

2016 was the most busiest time of year for her. She had her Vokal Concert, which are all crazy, she doesn’t the craziest shit during them and it’s like,,,,, why am I still here and then I see the dumb shit she does and I’m oh, oh yeah LMAO And she also had Sweeney Todd and Mata Hari, both are some of my top favourites from her. Hands down her Mrs Lovett?? Unbeatable, I’m sorry but her interpretation is so energised and layered?? I didn’t expect that she would add this kind of melancholic undertone to her character but she did and it really worked. My personal fav song she does is “By The Sea” which sounds weird because it’s not a hit Lovett song but when you see it you’ll know. Mata Hari was her first original Korean musical role and legit Wildhorn, the composer, was like I really like this woman so much I’m going to write this whole score specifically so she can sing it and I SCREAM like same honestly skljfkjgfdhg I couldn’t find a good audio quality of her singing it live but this is from her 2016 live album

2017 brought me Bridges of Madison County and I have been begging and begging for her to come back to it. Madison County also just held a really special place in my heart well before she even came into the picture, the score is just amazing. And this role I think is where her soprano skills really shine, like she deff does it for other roles, but she is full soprano the entire show and it’s just soooo so good yall. Here’s her performing “Before and After you/A Second and A Million Miles.”

2018 was her 20th anniversary debut in the entertainment industry and she held another Vokal concert. As I said before she does some really crazy shit and was not surprised when she hit the fan in the best way LIKE kjsdfkgljdflkj she was doing the most in her concert and it was great LMAO I’ve seen a lot of other musical actor’s concerts and most of them are very lowkey, sitting on a stool and singing or moving around a bit but she’s out here doing full choreography and belting her face of it’s real fun! As for her roles, she premiered Anna Karenina in Korea and let me just say even though Anna Karenina as a musical kinda really sucks ass it really rests so heavily on the actors to make to run well and Joo Hyun has never let me down. I tend to usually favour the second act and OH MY GOD she does it perfectly, like I swear angst and crying is Joo Hyun’s super power. Her “Lullaby” and “Anya Oblonskya” and the part from “I’m Losing You” to the very end of the show is absolute goosebumps. Like the way she goes through Anna’s mental breakdown and her specific take on it (I legit just wrote probs a 5k word essay comparing her and So Hyun’s takes on Anna’s characterisation) and there’s just something about her madness that you can see in all of her characters. It’s this strange sympathetic pride and really truly something amazing to watch.

In 2019 she did the Camping Club variety show with her idol group where they all reconnected over a trip and did a concert at the end. Even though she was kind of really in the background of the show a lot of people really took her quiet, steady love of her group to heart. And I think it reveals, if you’ve been following her as long as I have ^^;; it that she really really cares very deeply. She’s really thoughtful and aware of people around her and how best to meet their needs. You can see it a lot with how she treats her fellow cast members, she’s gifted basically all the casts she’s worked with in some form or another. For earlier this yearn Rebecca she gifted them all coats, and hand sewed all the Dannys and Ich’s personal monograms into their coats. She’s also highkey a mentor LMAO in an interview she was like “I will teach you all that I know without mercy” LMAO and it’s so funny how often people catch her teaching. I think after she’s done with musicals (which tbh I don’t really see) she might go into teaching the nest generation of musical actors!

And just before I forget 2020 also brought us a new role! Marie Curie! Though technically it’s classified as Popular Theatre now, it started off as a Small theatre show (think bway and off bway size) and it caused a bit of minor chaos because of her casting LMAO. It came so left field a lot of people were stunned slkfjglkjg we thought we all knew what kind of roles she’s be taking but it was a really pleasant surprise! Here’s her almost breaking her mic stand during the musical press presentation. And this is her singing the song “An Other Name” again but this time an official MV. There was a free livestream a bit earlier this year and I managed to record it, it’s only her in the first act though because they changed. And yooo I really forgot how much I needed her being happy LMAO Angst may be her forte because that’s all the characters she’s been given, but with this native Korean original musical she’s really been allowed to explore the entire breadth of the emotional spectrum LMAO like legit Marie Curie was so well written she actually got to emote properly and have a well written arc. And a happy ending LMAO Like god this is the first show where she doesn’t die horribly.

Now that I’ve gone through most of her history. I thoroughly recommend checking out Elisabeth, Sweeney Todd, Mata Hari and Marie Curie. (Since you’ve already checked out Rebecca) those shows are the shows that she really out does herself. All of the roles she’s done has always been knockout to me but these in particular are the rubies of her crown. They show the most passion she has in theatre and as an actor. They also show off just how crazy her voice is. (I would add Wicked but there’s only her concert videos that you can hear her sing the score rather than properly check em out, but ocme off anon and I can change that LMAO) Rebecca I’d say is her crowning jewel. And that really boils down to the way that it changed her career, the types of roles that would be offered to her from then on, audience perception, and her interpretation of that character. I don’t think she’s every thought of a character as deeply as she has done for Danny. And though Elisabeth is equally tied to her name she even admitted that she didn’t do as much for Elisabeth as she had done for Rebecca.

But anyways! That’s just the best shows to introduce yourself, I’d recommend checking out everything her theatre history has to offer!

[bai-not-bae]

How's life? It’s gone better before. Do you like bananas? They’re not my favorite, but they’re also not the worst fruit option, in my opinion. Do you like country music? Some of it, but not all. What's the last thing you had to drink? Lemon-lime flavored water. What is the last four digits of your phone number? I’m not stupid enough to put that on the internet. Has anyone ever given you butterflies? If so, aren’t they amazing? In my belly - more like moths - and they’re not amazing at the moment. Are you a girl? I am a female, yes. How's your neck? It’s attached to the rest of me. Do you like your computer mouse? I’m using the laptop right now. How's your love life? Let’s not discuss that right now. Can you play "My Life Will Go On" by Celine Dion on the piano? No, nothing complex like that. How many times do you brush your teeth a day? Twice, usually. Do you like the movie Superbad? I’ve never seen it before, but I’ve heard of it. Do you like pancakes? They’re certainly delicious. What's your number's area code? Not gonna happen, man. Do you like Paramore? A few of their songs are good. Got a MySpace? Nope. Do you judge people? Not intentionally. Do you plan on getting married? I don’t think so. Ever been given a promise ring? No, never. Relationship status? On shaky ground, but it’s my own damn fault. Sexual orientation? I’m a lesbian. Would you rather be told the truth and have it hurt or be lied to? I’d rather be told the truth and have it hurt. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, but I wouldn’t want to be, either. I don’t like being the center of attention. Do you have any step-parents? I do not. Who do you text the most? Elisabeth & other family members. Is music a daily part of your life? I do listen to it on a daily basis. Would you change anything about your life? I would do less drugs. Describe the socks you're wearing. I’m not wearing socks right now. Do you still talk to the person who hurt you most in life? Why or why not? No, because I’d probably have a hyperventilating panic attack and pass out if I came within 1,000 feet of him. Have you ever wished you were dead? More than I care to let on. Have you ever wanted to kill yourself but didn't have the heart to? That’s basically how I feel on a daily basis. How far have you ever been away from home? Not very far at all. Have you ever given your number to a complete stranger? I mean, they weren’t a stranger by the time I gave it to them. We’d chatted it up first. What color is your keyboard? This one is black with white lettering. Your speakers? They’re built in. Your mouse? It’s a laptop scroll-y pad thing. Desktop or laptop? We have one of each in this house - but the laptop is technically mine. Do you like sweet tea? No, I like iced tea, though. How much sugar do you put in your tea? I don’t drink tea. Do you wear a lot of makeup? Not more than the average 25 year old. Have you ever called someone useless? No, I never would do something like that. Are you a virgin? That’s a gray area. Technically, no - but it wasn’t given willingly, so... Do you have a wood or glass dining room table? It’s a wooden table. Who can you always vent to? Depends on the situation, I suppose. Are you one to beg people to comment your pictures on MySpace? No, I don’t beg for anything. Do you like music? Who DOESN’T like music? Have you ever used someone? Not intentionally. Has someone ever used you? That’s putting it lightly. Do you hate it when people don't type correctly? I survive. Do you hate anyone at all? Just one person. Do you love anyone? My family and Elisabeth. And your best friend's name is..? Elisabeth. Do you know how to play beer pong? Yes, but I don’t play it. Have you ever been in love? Or did you just think you were at the time? Just once. What's your name, anyways? Bailee. Are you doing anything besides this? Maybe,,, Do you get annoyed how many surveys ask your favorite color? I try not to take surveys that ask the same questions over and over again. So.. what's your favorite color? Rainbows. :) Do you like Mozart? Not so much. Do you live by quotes that are an explanation of what you're going through? I am capable of finding a lot of quotes that relate to my life. Do you hate when you're wrong? Only if I was pretty sure that I was right. Do you live in the country? No, we live in the suburbs/close to the city. Do you tend to get attached easily? Depends on the person or object, I guess. Do you still watch American Idol? Just the auditions, nothing else. Do you have a cell phone? Ues, I do. Ever been broken? Physically, emotionally, or mentally? Yes to all. Are you still trying to figure out who you are? I suppose, in some ways. Don't you hate posers? Is Joe Jonas really hotter than Nick? I don’t rate the Jonas brothers based on their hotness. How's your back? It needs to crack. Do you get drunk? If so, are you an alcoholic, or just do it for the rush? Yes. It makes me a more social and laid-back human being.  What's so good about living? You tell me. Do you make a lot of mistakes? More than I should. Also, they’re probably not mistakes if they’re intentional. Do you regret any of them mistakes? Oh sure. Tell me about the person you're crazy about? She’s going to break up with me soon, I can feel it coming. What is YOUR favorite smiley? Favorite flavor pudding? Banana. Don't you hate mosquitos? I don’t like getting bit by them.

[stachmousworld]

True love (lesbian story)

Pairing: Mara x Carole

It’s not tragic. I love drama too much.

The main character’s POV is unreliable

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

6 MONTHS LATER

 Carole was better. It is true. She ate by herself; she went out for different activities: she was working out, she went to parties, clubs and even “forgave” her friends…

Who was she kidding? She still had an empty place somewhere that ached. She was still hoping to meet her little adventurer. To even catch the sight of her from across the road. Just a sign that she was still alive, breathing. Because the look she gave before running away was deeply rooted in sadness. Carole was afraid she’d do something stupid. That’s why she checked the obituary daily, which didn’t help with her anxiety, but she couldn’t let go of his habit.

“Care?”

“Yes, dad?”

“Are you ok?”

She nodded and looked at her finger. Ringless finger. She had to put it away. She couldn’t bear the impossible heavy weight of it.

“Still thinking of her.”

Everyone said that time would do its work. And it does. I can’t remember what her voice sounds like, how she smelled…

Her dad appeared sad.

“You really loved her. You have never been like that for Elisabeth.”

“Well, yeah. It felt like something was ripped. When I saw that there were no signs of her in the house. It is like death, torture…”

Her dad hugged her.

“I can’t tell you, that is going to be ok, because I don’t like lying to you, but I wish I had met her. This girl who made you fall so deeply and pushed you to thrive for the best.”

“Yeah, she did. Without even doing anything,” she said, chuckling.

She heard the rest of their family and her friend’s family walking behind them. Carole still didn’t really talk to them like before. She acknowledged them when they were in the same room. She was cordial and they may have laughed together a couple of times, but she couldn’t erase what they’ve done, and she couldn’t look at Elisabeth without feeling kind of angry.

They were all in Hawaii for their families’ long-time reunion. Their families had been collaborators and now friends for decades. And to celebrate their anniversary by traveling in the world, at least once a year.

Carole unbuttoned her shirt. It was so hot and humid! They were following their guide to a waterfall, but to do so they had to go through a forest. Mosquitoes, snakes…it was perilous on every account. The laughter and chatter she could hear around eased her into a better mood.

Before she could think, her acquaintances – ex-friends - were next to her. She smiled tightly at them and kept staring in front of her. They discussed with each other and were nice enough not to insert her in their conversation.

They reached the waterfall soon enough. There was already someone there if Carole took in account the pile of clothes and underwear on the floor. The guide didn’t acknowledge neither. He explained what they could and couldn’t do, and what to be aware of. They were in the wildlife so naturally they’d be dangerous insects, but the waterfall was a good repulsive.

Carole listened with one ear. Her gaze was on the stranger.

“Don’t be a creep, Car’.”

Carole flipped off Elisabeth and ignored the irritation at the nickname. Elisabeth was the worst amongst all of them. She didn’t want to believe that Carole didn’t love her nor wanted to go back to their “relationship”. Carole didn’t even want to talk more than a few words with Elisabeth, so what gave her the idea that she’d do now?

The guide saluted them and walked briskly back into the forest.

The rest of the families settled a little be far from the belongings on the grass. Carole raised her eyes to the sky. Blue. Warm. And let the laughter washed away the morosity. Even in this gorgeous place, Mara’s omnipresence loomed over her.

“When she is going to come out of the water, she’ll have a surprise.” Her uncle joked pointing at the clothes. The rest of them chuckled.

 Carole and her friends stayed away, near the water. The discussion flowed and no one actually made moves toward the food that was discarded. She wished they’d be so hungry that they’d leave her, finally. But no. She had no such luck today.

 She observed the water descending from the top of the cliff to the bottom of the waterfall. She felt the irrepressible fear of deep water threatening to cage her and make her panic. She could swim in pools, seas, lakes where she could see the bottom of it. Otherwise she was quite phobic. Carole didn’t know if she’d be able to get far in this water. The water was clear enough, but the foam caused the water falling prevented her from seeing through it. She curled her toes in the sand and sighed, before putting her bare feet in the water. It was cool enough to be pleasurable.

The conversations next to Carole stopped. Carole raised her head. They all were looking at the naked stranger. She was standing, back to them, her long hair flowing on her back. She was swaying from left to right, arms raised above somewhat dancing. Then, she spun around. Carole couldn’t see her face, but she could tell that the girl had tatts. Lots.

The girl kept dancing for a while before jumping in the water and swimming towards them.

 There was a light silence. Not even her pervert uncle made remarks.

The girl stopped swimming when she was close enough and started walking. Her hair was so full and voluminous even wet. She dried them with her hands while walking out. Her naked body glistened under the tropical sun. her skin as a deep as the bronze with a layer of gold. Carole pushed down the unexplainable dread.  

             Completely in her element and confident in herself, she didn’t appear unease from all the stares she was receiving. She even smiled softly to the kids who were near her and turned to face Carole. Her entire demeanor changed. She straightened her back while holding her clothes close to her chest.

Carole jumped to her feet in recognition.

           Mara.

Carole could tell that Mara was planning her flee by how her eyes were shifty. Carole raised her arms to try and appease her.

“C’est moi. Je ne vais pas te faire du mal. Je veux juste discuter,” she said to her in French, the only foreign language they both talked.

“D’accord,” Mara replied, without hesitation.

Carole’s heart beat faster. It still felt like home. Hearing her voice shouldn’t make her feel like that. Like she was lost and found a safe haven.

« Où est-ce que l’on pourrait parler sans être dérangées? »

Mara looked to her right. The waterfall. She then proceeded to raise an eyebrow, before letting her clothes fall on the floor and walking straight back the water. Carole took off her clothes and followed her. She ignored the gasped, the scream of her mom, the warning of her friends and pushed Elisabeth out of the way as she tried to restrain Carole.

 She followed Mara until the water were past her breasts. Then, as if a cord had been cut, Carole realized where she was. She looked at the water and couldn’t see her feet. She couldn’t move her body. She couldn’t…breathe. The world stopped moving. The sound of the water falling was a buzz far in her mind. The fear of the unknown restricted her lungs. She tried and tried to think of everything else but failed. Miserably.

 She felt a soft hand grab hers and press it on a warm and vibrating skin. The beating of another heart. Her own heart, stubborn, didn’t want to comply. Mara pushed Carole’s head into the crook of her neck. Her heart gave it all to win the fight and beat furiously. Until Mara’s breath brushed the shell of her ear. Carole automatically melted in her arms.

 When she was somewhat calm, Carole pulled away. She registered that she was still in the water, but it was as if her mind couldn’t focus on that detail anymore. Mara was her anchor. Still a little shaky she tried to thank Mara. “Merci.” She gulped and averted her eyes. She couldn’t handle the burning gaze piercing through each of her layers. Not right now. Carole had thought of this moment a million of times. She had prepared a speech – multiple speeches – for every kind of situations, where they’d meet and talk. But. But, this…this wasn’t it.

“Don’t mention it,” Mara replied, her voice sweet as ever.

“I -”

Carole looked at both of their hands intertwined on Mara’s heart. The heart pulsing beneath her palm made it all to real. Carole teared up. Alive. She was alive. Mara let go of her hand and Carole took hers reluctantly away.

“Carole, is everything okay?” Elisabeth asked.

Carole didn’t even hear her approach. God, couldn’t Elisabeth fuck off already. She knew that they must have seen her panicking. It wasn’t an unknown fact that she was afraid of deep water.

Mara took a step away and allowed Elisabeth to force her way in front of Carole. She frowned and slapped away Elisabeth’s hands. Carole tried to talk to Mara but noticed she wasn’t there anymore.

Not again. Carole looked behind her just in time to witness Mara gathering her clothes and entering the forest.

Look at me. Turn around. Turn around.

Mara glanced once over her shoulder and disappeared. Or tried to. Carole was already jumping out of the water and running after her. She followed her lead silently and gathered her thoughts. She had already learned her lesson from the other night. She wouldn’t let her out of her sight again.

 Mara lead them to a small cabin. There was a small garden and a dog. A cub small and agitated. She petted his head and threw one of his toys a little bit away. The dog’s tail straightened before he took off after his toy. The grass was so high Carole had difficulties seeing the dog.

 She shook her head amusedly and walked to the front door. She knocked and waited. Mara appeared only a few second after. She looked surprised. Entirely too much for someone who just so Carole a few minutes ago. She glanced behind her and stepped out.

“What do you want, Carole?” She asked, bluntly.

Carole was taken aback.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Mara eyed her thoughtfully. Her body was still guarded. Carole could do it. After all, she was was prepared for this.

“If it is to thank me for saving you. Like I said, don’t mention it.”

Mara opened the door ready to end the conversation. Carole was ill-footed, she had to admit. Mara has ever seen so closed. Not to her.

“No. I wanted to apologize.”

Mara stilled.

“I wanted to apologize for the beginning of our relationship. I…I should have waited before getting out with you. I wish I had been more cautious. I didn’t know that you’d think that I toyed with you. With your feelings. And yet you stayed…I don’t understand why. But I did love you. How could I not. The more I learned about you, about your life, I fell in love.”

Mara snickered.

“That’s a beautiful story, but you still kept your ex’s ring, so…I don’t need that. You can go back to your true love and leave me alone.”

“It’s yours.” Mara knuckles turned white on the door handle. “I didn’t know she was there, at the party, I mean. My ex-friends, and mom, decided to “intervene” in my life because they were jealous of us. When you –.” Carole wiped off her tears. “…ran away, it almost killed me. I loved you and I still do. I kept Elisabeth’s ring just for nostalgia, really. Not that I would have chosen her over you. No matter what. Even those first months. Now that I think of it, you were already tattooed in my heart.”

Mara face changed. She let a soft smile stretch her plump lips. The cold and distant shine in her eyes disappeared in favor of a warmer tone. She opened her mouth to speak, but the door opened and revealed the naked body of a woman.

“Babe, did you buy some –.”

Carole bit her lip hard enough to avoid crying. Well, she stupidly didn’t plan that outcome. How naïve of her, to even think that Mara could stay single. She was gorgeous, smart and nice. All in extraordinary package.

Mara had found someone else. Carole pretended to be unaffected, which didn’t seem to be convincible. She was sure her smile looked like a grimace.

“You found someone. I hope you are happy,” Carole said, her voice wobbling at the end.

Before Mara had the time to reply, she fled.

  By the time she went back to her hotel, everything was pitch dark. She had gone back to take her clothes and went to the beach. She needed some time alone and could have never done that surrounded by all those curious eyes.

The image of the naked girl inside Mara’s cabin flashed in her head. She looked gorgeous. Sunkissed skin, bright eyes and this lovey dovey attitude for Mara. “I can’t even compete on my good days, she chuckled. Never could have. I have really lost her.”

Carole rested her head on the cool wall of the elevator.

She had to move on now because she didn’t have a choice. Her little adventurer was…was thriving, beautiful as always. Carole wiped her face and found it dry. Well, looked like she didn’t have any tears left to shed. Carole felt the need to throw a fit, like a kid, stomping her feet and demanding to whoever was listening to bring Mara back.

 She opened her bedroom’s door and found it already illuminated. She sighed presuming that Elisabeth had found a way into her bedroom and was trying – again- to make a move on her.

“Elisabeth, I have already told you, I don’t want you,” she said harshly, as she was taking her shoes off. “Fuck off, to wherever you come and leave me -.”

She stopped dead in her tracks. Mara. On her bed. Carole blushed profusely and tried to compose herself.

“You ran off pretty fast, I have to admit. I didn’t know if you’d come back,” Mara explained calmly, as if everything from her being in this bedroom was normal. Nothing on her face was betraying what she was thinking. Carole shifted on her feet and shrugged. When did she become so shy in front of her lover…Ex-lover.

“I needed time to reflect on life.”

Mara mused for a second and stood up.

“What conclusion did you come to?”

Mara was making her way towards her. Carole was become aware that the thump-thump in her chest was becoming louder, as she stepped closer.

“I have to let you go.”

Mara stopped in front of her. There was maybe an inch between them. Carole could smell her perfume and feel her breath on her lips.

“Let me go? After all this time,” she whispered.

“You…seemed happy,” Carole said, dreamy.

Mara brushed her nose against hers. Carole knew it was bad, Mara had someone, but she was so weak. No! She won’t be the other one. She won’t stoop that low. Who did Mara think she was? If she thought she could toy with her as retaliation, she had another thing coming.

           She pushed Mara, who fell onto her rear. She gasped in shock and stayed there while Carole glared at her.

“Don’t you dare use me! I won’t help you cheat on your girlfriend! Who do you think I am? I love you, yes, but I won’t play this game. You disgust me,” Carole spat. “How could you…I know I have hurt you but that…using me…it is not happening.”

Carole took off her necklace and handed it to Mara. She still was sitting here in shock and confusion…and maybe a little hurt. God, it reminded Carole the look she gave her before running away. A part of Carole wanted to take it back and sooth her pain away.

 She swallowed that feeling and remained cold.

Mara grimaced, stood up, took the necklace. She put the ring in front of her eyes and laughed humorlessly after reading the inscription. Carole, confused, watched leaving the room.

“Farewell,” Mara muttered.

This time, she didn’t glance once behind her.

Fin part 4

[stainedglassgardens]

Watched in June 2020

Funny Games Louise Bourgeois: The Spider, the Mistress and the Tangerine Wodaabe: Herdsmen of the Sun Bells from the Deep: Faith and Superstition in Russia (Glocken aus der Tiefe - Glaube und Aberglaube in Russland) We Are the Best! (Vi är bäst!) Olla Return to Reason (Le Retour à la raison) Ghosts Before Breakfast (Vormittagsspuk) Sissy Boy Slap Party The Republic of Enchanters (La République des enchanteurs) Sullivan's Banks (Sullivans Banken) Black Panthers Asparagus America The Fall The Watermelon Woman Douce Menace Curling Trouble Every Day The Return (Возвращение) Maillart's Bridges (Maillarts Brücken) Two Years at Sea The Creeping Garden Homo Sapiens A Radiant Life (Une Vie radieuse) Shirley Disclosure Baghead Lahemaa Closeness (Теснота) Touki Bouki Daughter (Dcera) Human Nature 1 Dimension

Did not finish

From the Depths (Dal Profondo, Valentina Pedicini, 2013)

I could take them or leave them

Louise Bourgeois: The Spider, the Mistress and the Tangerine (Marion Cajori and Amei Wallach, 2008) The Republic of Enchanters (La République des enchanteurs, Fanny Liatard and Jérémy Trouilh, 2016) America (Valérie Massadian, 2013) The Fall (Tarsem Singh, 2006) Douce Menace (Ludovic Habas, Yoan Sender, Margaux Vaxelaire, Mickaël Krebs, Florent Rousseau, 2011) A Radiant Life (Une Vie radieuse, Meryll Hardt, 2013)

Films I enjoyed

Wodaabe: Herdsmen of the Sun and Bells from the Deep: Faith and Superstition in Russia (Glocken aus der Tiefe - Glaube und Aberglaube in Russland) (Werner Herzog, 1989 and 1993): Just super nice Herzog documentaries. There are a bunch on Mubi now and I might watch all of them

We Are the Best! (Vi är bäst!, Lukas Moodysson, 2013): I was on the lookout for this film for years and then it popped up on Mubi. Maybe I didn’t love it because of all that anticipation, but it’s still a great film that I wish more people, especially more teenagers, would see

Return to Reason (Le Retour à la raison, Man Ray, 1923): Always love early experiments with film

Sissy Boy Slap Party (Guy Maddin, 2004): Very silly! Loved it

Sullivan's Banks (Sullivans Banken) and Maillart's Bridges (Maillarts Brücken) (Heinz Emigholz, both 2000): It’s nice that there are non-narrative documentaries like this. You wouldn’t think filming buildings (and bridges) from different angles would bring something to the table as opposed to, for instance, photographing them, but somehow it really does. Again, a bunch of Emigholz’s films are on Mubi and they make for great daytime entertainment, might watch more soon

Black Panthers (Agnès Varda, 1970): This was made available for free by The Criterion Channel and I was finally able to see it, as well as keep going with my Vardathon. I loved how matter-of-fact and sympathetic this short documentary was

Trouble Every Day (Claire Denis, 2001): The kind of vampire movie I wish there were more of. Also always love Béatrice Dalle <3

Two Years at Sea (Ben Rivers, 2011): This is a very quiet, contemplative, beautiful documentary about a man who lives alone in the woods

The Creeping Garden (Tim Grabham and Jasper Sharp, 2014): The wide array of things that can be explored while just talking about slime mould is a little bit stunning -- great soundtrack too

Homo Sapiens (Nikolaus Geyrhalter, 2016): I preferred Our Daily Bread from the same director but I still loved this. I like how Geyrhalter always lets his (stunning) images do the talking

Shirley (Josephine Decker, 2020): Being a fan of both Shirley Jackson and Elisabeth Moss, I’d wanted to see this since it came out. It was pretty much exactly as I expected, which is to say very good. It reminded me, not without reason, of the recent We Have Always Lived in the Castle adaptation

Baghead (Mark Duplass and Jay Duplass, 2008): Sometimes silly, sometimes deep, Duplass brothers comedy featuring young Greta Gerwig

Lahemaa (Leslie Lagier, 2010): Science fiction short about a Chernobyl-like mysterious city

Closeness (Теснота, Kantemir Balagov, 2017): Might have preferred this to Beanpole, still not entirely sure what to think, but I loved the main character and I loved the story

Touki Bouki (Djibril Diop Mambéty, 1973): This is a wonderful debut feature by a director whom, for some reason, I had heard nothing about until now

Daughter (Dcera, Daria Kashcheeva, 2019): The animation was wonderful and the story a lot more layered than I would have thought for such a popular short film

Human Nature (Sverre Fredriksen, 2019): Please watch this right now if you can. It’s three minutes long and you won’t regret it. Very silly

1 Dimension (一维, Lü Yue, 2013): This is a beautiful short film about the nature of good and evil and I loved that, contrarily to many films with exactly this premise, it didn’t actually try to provide a clear-cut answer

Films I loved

Funny Games (Michael Haneke, 1997): Definitely this month’s film that fucked me up. So gruelling

Olla (Ariane Labed, 2019): When I first finished this I was doubtful but the more I thought of it the more I loved it. It’s about an Internet girlfriend from Eastern Europe who comes to France and I don’t know that I can say much more about it except that it manages to talk about sex work in a way that I enjoyed

Ghosts Before Breakfast (Vormittagsspuk, Hans Richter, 1928): This, together with Meshes of the Afternoon, which I saw a few months ago, reminds me that so-called experimental and avant-garde stuff was in film from the very beginning, it was just ignored by big-budget film producers in favour of narrative features. Anyway, this is a great short film and it's only six minutes so you should definitely watch it

Asparagus (Suzan Pitt, 1979): A five-star rating on Mubi, just, one of those things I am glad women are making out there -- just like Jodie Mack's The Grand Bizarre a few months ago

The Watermelon Woman (Cheryl Dunye, 1996): This classic was made available by The Criterion Channel and I could finally see it... It feels like a first film in all the good and bad ways, and I’m glad it exists, glad there are complex, multilayered stories about Black lesbians out there

Curling (Denis Côté, 2010): I saw this after I was so favourably impressed by Ghost Town Anthology and I have to say, if anyone can hook me up with the rest of Côté's filmography, please please please hit me up. I'm in love with his depiction of small-town Québec, and the slow progression of his drama, the no-music soundtrack, just everything -- not to mention his take on “genre”

The Return (Возвращение, Andrey Zvyaginstev, 2003): I’m glad I stuck with Zvyagintsev after I was disappointed by The Banishment. Of the four I’ve seen, this is by far my favourite film of his (maybe because, since there are no women, there is no misogyny). It is often hard to watch but the ending brings it all together quite beautifully

Disclosure (Sam Feder, 2020): This is such a good documentary. It’s often hit-or-miss with Netflix releases but I urge you to watch this whether or not you are already “educated” about the representation of trans people in film and television. Jen Richards in particular provides great insight

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I spent almost all of my movie time on Mubi in June. Not that I’m sad about it! This subscription might be my best decision in a while. Now to watch more random stuff that I’ve never heard about before!