#less tethered
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I wanna be crazy I wanna lose my shit I wanna be manic without the panic I wanna blow up I wanna become a star I wanna be God I'm already God
I want to rip my organs out see what I'm made of I want to bring myself back to life I want to fucking kill myself I want to bleed just everywhere
I want to bash my brains into the wall I want to feel rapture I want to go to heaven on earth I'm already close
I want to be high all the time with or without drugs I want to be absolute bliss; euphoria.
#let me die let me die#let me die or let me take all the drugs im so#i would literally chop off my left nut for some alcohol and nic and narcs and speed#and probably heroin#ketamine#just to see what it feels like#i already love opioids#thats a dumb thing to say but is it really?#im fuckijg losing my grip with reality anyways#all this stress has made me hypo(?)manic#or some shit#why do i feel like my brain is ribbon unraveling#i forgot what it felt like to see this way#its just different#i prefer to be detached from reality like this#less tethered#maybe ill do something crazy#i know i cant because my system keeps me to the ground but without thwm i know id kill myself just for fun#or something#or nothing#maybe it means nothing and i mean nothing#but the good news for all of this is that im so detached it really doesnt matter#my system can go fuck themselves for giving a shit#if im nice i wont attempt on our life#im feeling generous#even gods die
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Some early days design stuffs for my favourite crab kids :)
#BasDraws#oc#Rinsla Vizsla#Nosran Vizsla#ive refined their designs a lot more but im about to rework them again to be more eea accurate#less galactic republic more shadow of the old republic#star wars#original character#mandalorian#mandalorian oc#tognath#alien#character design#nudge nudge...theyre gonna be getting their new armours soon :3cccc#nosrans such a behemoth because he was stuck on a wookie when he was a larvae#hes got retractable claws he inherited from them too!!#yeah thats right in our game tognath are like xenomorphs and take minor traits from their hosts if theyre different species#rins host...was a lothwolf#and all she got was trauma (and a slight unnatural force sensitivity)#and also seemingly a weird tether to her grandfather thru said lothwolf#she spoke to tarre once :)
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Anyone else weirdly disappointed that Gwen didn't get inked? I saw one theory specifically of Ink5oul signing their name on her that I particularly loved.
#maybe I just want Gwen to be forcibly made less proper#maybe I wanted the toxic Gwen/Ink5oul romance#Gwendolyn Bouchard#Gwen Bouchard#Ink5oul#TMagP#there's still time for her to get tatt'ed#there's still time for her and Ink5oul to get forcibly tethered together#honestly I don't even see romance for them; Gwen's just too much of a lesbian to me
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What if I said this scene with Edwin:
Is visually referencing the first piece of queer cinema, Salomé (1923):
What then?
#edwin payne#dead boy detective spoilers#the dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#salomé#based off oscar wilde's work no less#they do tether edwin to his historical context in these ways#i don't believe I'm off the mark#in any case i saw the connection and that's all that matters 😅#right before he finds out simon was also a queer boy too#the despairing and beautifully tragic queerness of the 1910s and 1920s#(i mean 'beautifully tragic' in a fictional sense)#(an aching appeal to be seen as human)
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Rip Viktor you would have loved isat, Adam and Isaac are Siffrin and Isabeau coded
oh, I know enough about isat to tell you that you are in fact half-right
#anonymous#[.asks]#adam is less sarcastic than siffrin and isaac is a lot more shy than isabeau but#i see the tether between them
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I'm having a hard time being a person so I appreciate the people who keep talking to me even though I'm very sporadic with my replies 💜💜💜
#i feel like i might be starting to feel less#... insane? i guess#idk#I've been hallucinating and having meltdowns a lot#please don't stop talking to me 💜#it helps tether me to reality to know people care#tier rambles
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Hi.
If you're wondering where I've been, I've been in withdrawal hell for the last week or so thanks to being given the runaround at every posible point since November.
I'm about to make this their problem. I'm going to pester the fucking shit out of them until they do the job they should have done (literally send ONE email) in November.
This may take all day so any good vibes in the inbox would be greatly appreciated. Wish me luck lads
#they've literally robbed me of the holidays this year and it's no exaggeration so like hell am I gonna let this continue#do I sound deranged? I dunno. what I DO know is I've literally been awake maybe less than five hours in an entire fucking week for this#not to mention all the OTHER shit that's been going on that I've been able to do piss all about because of this#so yeah I'm at the end of my tether with prescription bullshit that I have had to deal with every fucking month for a year and a half#what happens happens. gonna phone the shit out of these assholes until shit gets done cause like hell are they gonna do it without me#pop rox talks#I'm still unmedicated if you couldn't tell and I'm not doing great if you also couldn't tell that and I'm mad about it as I deserve to be
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What do we do when Quackity logs on and he's not wearing Tilin's ribbon anymore.
When he finally notices the red bow tied uncomfortably tight around his arm and doesn't know it's because he never wanted it to come off. When he sees it as a nuisance, scrunching his sleeve up. When he tugs the string off and lets it fall to the ground, rubbing the phantom feeling from around his arm.
He doesn't know who he is or what he's doing, but he knows he only looks back for a moment as the wind carries it away.
#or#in a much less angsty hopeful tone maybe he will keep it#maybe it feels more like a tether to his old self in a comforting manner#maybe he tugs at the ends while hes trying to figure everything out#either way#qsmp#quackity#tilin
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Carla “my love language is touch and dedicated full throttle devotion” Connor meeting Lisa “I deserve zero love or affection and I deserve every ounce of pain” Swain. I honestly can’t with these two. Give me Carla holding Lisa and talking her down and through a kin to “I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we have suffered enough”.
And Lisa just refusing to accept that love, because she doesn’t feel worthy. And it is about worth. When your perception of self is so fundamentally broken,that you’ve tethered all you are to your ability to protect those around you - and yet Joel was under her nose, Betsy keeps getting into trouble and her boss has deemed her unsatisfactory and taken her off the case - how do you carry on when the tether breaks and now your drowning in the wake of it all. Unnoticed. Alone. Cold. And in pain. Carla becoming a safe harbour in the storm, reminding Lisa how to swim to shore. That her worth is the sum of all her parts, not just her work, and she is more than DS Swain. She is Lisa. She is wanted, cared for, and would be so dearly missed if she wasn’t there. The battle becoming not Carla having her love rejected because she thinks Carla is straight, but because why would someone like Carla waste her love on Lisa. And isn’t it oh so tragic that perhaps the best person Carla knows, is the one who thinks the worst about her self.
#oh i’m in tears whatthefuck#when your perception of self is so fundamentally broken#that you’ve tethered all you are to your ability to protect those around you#!!!!!!#not to be dramatic but just stab me it would hurt less
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really mulling over the likelihood of what i detailed here (amid a different set of speculation for s5 perhaps) of my “rayla destroying and saving callum” pattern going 1) destruction first (like freeing the moon fam) and 2) salvation second (breaking him free of possession, maybe in s5 or even in s6) rather than the CHET engine of 1) salvation first and 2) destruction second. both allow for their own Tragic Cliffhangers, but with the arc decidedly split down the middle rather having both presumably crammed into s5 or stretched out through to s6. also means that book 6: star(?) can have the possession plot line (literal agency vs destiny with those same sweet rayla-aaravos parallels and duality), explorations of stella, and the cube (which is decidedly a secret of aaravos / linked to deep ancient magic and understanding in Some way) unencumbered, as well as possible parallels of viren and soren trying to bring claudia home with everyone else working to bring callum home as well. y’know, for the Foils
#flinging my spaghetti at the wall yet again lads#s5 speculation#s6 speculation#tdp theory#the dragon prince#improvise adapt overcome#tdp#s5 spoilers#predictions#like i think if the key isn't tethered directly to aaravos' prison the exchange could still work but it'd be decidedly less tight#cause while i do lean towards callum having something to do with aaravos getting out bc Freedom Associations#it can be more specific to their general ideological thematic conflict without overlapping in that way?#at least perhaps not that directly#it still feels like not everyone who wants to be free is gonna be Freed tm like#someone's freedom or safety is still getting willfully sacrificed but. hm. we shall see#tag ramble#theme: freedom#cube hostage exchange theory#adjacently#tdp spoilers#mutual savlation theory#also adjacently#cause on the one hand. the 'terrible things for love' has typically been Protection#which the exchange fits better in some ways. but Also dark magic. which fits the coins#and jack did imply callum might dabble in dark magic again pre s4 so like. THAT WOULD TRACK
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cat will fix me. convinced of this
#i think of him every second of the day#in fact i think i need to think of him less because my intrusive thoughts are starting to twist it against me lol#but also… wah. ive been feeling for an eternity that all i really need is a little animal company#i think it’ll do me good to have another living creature in my home. especially one as cuddly as Him#(he wants all of the attention always)#some company. some comfort. something to give me smth to take care of outside my own disastrous body. something to keep me tethered#i hope im not too dissociated on the day we move. him being in my apartment is smth that could feel So fake and i want to process it.#i want to put him down and let him out of the cage and feel that it is real#z talks#i think itll do him good too. it won’t be what he’s used to but he loves me i know it. and i will spoil him with so much attention and love#and care#my mom is not good at having cats. in fact i don’t think she likes cats very much at all
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One of the assignments for my online classes is to create a timeline of "digital media" you've been into. Bro do you know how much stuff I've been into over the course of my life 😭
#imagine putting: ff. net. wattpad. ao3#if i was a stronger man I would#then again for my one class i made a presenatuon abt fandom......#so brave of me icl 😭😭😭😭 twas very revealing#but im rlt unsure about this#bcs i dont think it means fandoms obviously#but like ive been into sooo much stuff its hard to condense it#one time i made a fandom timeline of ONE year and it was so filled up#i jump around a lot less now cause im tethered to my current fandom but#before that. i had so many fandoms per year#but hmmmmm pondering.#i guess it would be like. twt tumblr ps4 genshin etc???? or?#catie.rambling.txt
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for anyone wondering: i have zero other social media. if my blog or this site go down that’s it forever and i’ll finally be free
#this app is the only thing keeping me tethered to the social internet and it’s becoming less and less of a fun place to be#im stuck here like a barnacle so if the ship goes down i go down with it
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Ive gotten so used to not being able to play most games bc of my hands and reaction time n stuff so ive basically gotten used to hitting a ceiling in a game where i can't play normally anymore and need to use assists/cheats so every time i find a game that i Don't need to do that for whenever it ends im just like wait huh thats it???
#cannot decide if Jusant was too short or it's just more accessible than I'm used to so i was able to blaze through it-#either way i would love another game with mechanics like Jusant the climbing was so fluid and satisfying#i thought with my directional confusion n shit i wouldn't be able to get it#but i got a controller and the joysticks and trigger buttons REALLY help with that somehow???#and i managed to get to a point where i was just spidering up walls in seconds#i wanna play more so im actually kind of glad i missed collectibles#this is why you dont 100% run on your first playthrough so you have More Fun to have with it later#i play most games for The Movement (something i Very Much Cannot Do A Lot Of irl) bc its satisfying to Zoom#and that game just has a really solid climbing mechanic its so fun#and so easy to like. make it easier on yourself somehow.#like using pitons to anchor yourself halfway up a wall and then just rappel down to the previous ledge#to regain stamina and then just reel yourself back up to that anchor and keep going#or you can use a piton to just dangle and assess your surroundings#as well as stamina doesnt drain unless you're in motion or under duress (like from weather) so you can pause and look around#plus it's just very fun to climb up this big ol stack and look down and see Wow! I Fuckin Did That!#bc each section is just one real big map so you can fall from top to bottom (of each section)#if you could fall i dont think. the game lets you#cause i tested and if you're not tethered you just do not walk off ledges#which is also nice i like that too it makes me less anxious
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hi guys. has anyone ever thought about an au where martha stayed with 10
#she so wouldn't because it's out of character but like.....if he persuaded her#and she left and he appreciated her this time and she abandoned her family....#maybe she's not the doctor's doctor maybe this time the doctor chases her and keeps her tethered because she's been so strong and maybe she#-makes him promise to take her back to that same second. back to her family.#but she's walked the earth for a year she's seen hell too but the difference is she can run away.#and she IS going to go back she IS going to take care of them#but she has a time machine. she can run away so far.#maybe she had a year away from the doctor and now it's so much less about him#and more about her escaping#maybe being a doctor across the stars. trying to protect people to save them to practice because she's so scared that she can't save her-#-family. that the damage is irreparable.#and she's so angry at the doctor but also they make such a good team#and this time he's the one worrying about her#yeargh...#and then CAPTAIN JACK IS THERE. just cause i <3 the tenjackmartha dynamic#doctor who
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turns out i have an aching soft spot in my heart for characters with trauma who wear gloves as armor to hide behind, keeping them safe from a world that could hurt them again but also from touching that which makes it brighter
#if it wasn't clear i'm talking about cornelia and kaz#honorable mention of eli and inej who i love just as dearly and who wear their armor in different ways#inej with her sick fucking knives#eli with his... ass-less chaps?#no his is his medicine#keeping him tethered to those he loves that he cannot ever touch again#and the fear of losing more that keeps him from letting down his guard#i'm delirious#the english#six of crows#shadow and bone netflix#abt
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