#less happy w this one but its very expressive its fine we dont do things for perfection we do things for fun and i had fun when i drew it

[grayscaleearts]

last but not least 📣 GUNDHAM TANAKAAA and his FOUR DARK DEVAS OF DESTRUCTION

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 65 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 98 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

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RATE THE EPISODE 94 Responses

Although a bit muted compared to last week, the response to this episode was still overwhelmingly positive, with 96.8% of people giving it a rating of 3 and higher. MAPPA’s on a roll!

Amazing!!!!

i just wanna see more!! 20 minutes is not enough. its too good

Awesome episode! Great pacing and the cgi was not too noticeable.

WAAAAYYYYY TOO HYPE

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 93 Responses

Mikasa and Levi took the spotlight this week! 30.1% of viewers felt most hyped up by Mikasa’s “explosive” reintroduction to the anime, while 22.6% were stoked to see Levi take on Porco to save Eren. 18.3% were most hyped by the Survey Corps taking on the Jaw Titan and the subsequent cliffhanger.

THE CGI CONTINUES TO BE A POINT OF CONTENTION. BE HONEST, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE EXECUTION OF CGI SO FAR THIS SEASON? 93 Responses

Just under 50% of responses seemed to indicate that they thought MAPPA was doing very well with the CGI utilized. A little over 15% stated that although it was not their favorite, they understood that it could be a lot worse. Other responses (in order) were being neutral about the CGI, not liking it, but understanding the need for its usage and folks who adamantly rejected 3D animation. 

I actually prefer CGI titans because of the way their movements looks, it looks almost slower, to me it fits very well with how the big titans are. Im not an anime guy at all so ive never seen cgi in other anime but i really like the way Mappa's CGI looks, it blends in very well. I dont like CGI people though, the shot with Jean throwing the marly soldier off the rooftop i didn't like very much.

I feel horrible saying this believe me... but I really vibed with the CGI up until this episode. I think maybe because it's the first time its been used on humans (OPM) rather then titans. I'm not massively put off though, I really apreciate the efforts this episode must have taken. TY Mappa

The episode is great no doubt, my only concern is the CG personally, as a 3D artist myself, I think I would prefer an all 2D medium like the battle at Stohess. Using 3D is fine as long as it blends seamlessly to the background, like kengan ashura, it's not perfect but bearable.

I honestly think that 2D will always 100% be better than cgi but I can understand why mappa is using cgi

It was fine in the other episodes, but in this episode, it looked overused and bit bad

HOW WAS EREN’S ROOFTOP SWAN DIVE? 94 Responses

When it came down to Eren’s swan rooftop dive (“Like a fallennn angel…”), the majority seemed to be impressed, with 68% giving it a score of 4 or higher. It was not a monolithic opinion however and many seemed also rated it poorly. Do better, Eren!

WHICH RETURNING CHARACTER’S ENTRANCE WAS YOUR FAVORITE IN THIS EPISODE? 94 Responses

The Survey Corps has returned! Of these reappearances, viewers most enjoyed Mikasa’s (48.9%), Levi’s (31.9%) and Sasha’s (14.9%) the most. Jean and Connie got a little less love, though we’re sure people were still happy to see them!

WHICH RETURNING CHARACTERS HAS THE BEST GLOW UP? 93 Responses

It would appear that the slight plurality sees Mikasa as having the best glow up out of the cast, followed by (in order) Eren, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Floch and Levi. The Old Captain doesn’t like to change up his style, we suppose. 

Eren didn't have a glow up- he had a glow down.

Mikasa can stomp on me please god

OF ALL THE ORIGINAL CAST, WE STILL HAVE NOT SEEM ARMIN, HANGE OR HISTORIA YET. WHICH OF THE THREE ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING NEXT? 93 Responses

In relation to the previous question, we still haven’t seen 3 major members of the cast. Armin, Hange and Historia. When we asked which of the three you were most looking forward to seeing next, the slight majority (52.7%) expressed their excitement for seeing Armin again, followed by 11.8% wanting to see Hange most. Some others have also expressed their desire to see Historia again. 17.2% simply could not choose and 10.8% stated that they simply didn’t care about the 3 characters.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE WARHAMMER TITAN? 90 Responses

The Warhammer received an overwhelmingly positive response, with the majority expressing much excitement over both its design and powers. 15.6% noted that the design was a bit too creepy for their liking, but the powers were awesome. And on the flip side, 10% noted the Titan’s design was rather cool, in contrast to its rather OP ability. A select few did not enjoy either aspect. 

Would probably enjoy it more if it belonged to someone that likely is not going to be just cannon fodder

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE NEW UNIFORMS? 92 Responses

The Survey Corps returned sporting new uniforms to much fanfare. 30.4% of respondents really enjoy the upgrade, finding the suits to be badass. 23.9% couldn’t find the words and just settled for pure hype. 20.7% enjoy the new uniforms just as much as they enjoy the classic uniforms. 12% felt it was a much needed upgrade, though 10.9% don’t care at all about the uniform change.

I like both but I prefer the old design

EREN SAYS TO MIKASA, “YOU GUYS ACTUALLY CAME.” THIS IS FOLLOWED UP BY MIKASA ASKING EREN TO COME HOME. DOES THIS INSINUATE THAT EREN WENT TO THE MAINLAND ON HIS OWN? 90 Responses

The circumstances of the Survey Corps’ presence on the mainland continues to be a mystery. When we asked about whether Eren was there alone or not a few episodes ago, the majority believed that he was either there alongside the Survey Corps or was sent there by them. Overall, the feelings seem to be the same (that Eren came alongside the Survey Corps). 45.6% think that Mikasa’s words may have some other meaning and that things are way too planned out to be coincidence. 18.9% believe that Eren did go rogue, while 15.6% think that Eren didn’t necessarily go rogue, but wasn’t working with them for a while either. The remaining 20% have already been spoiled on this particular plot point.

THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO SEEMS TO PARALLEL THE BREACH OF SHIGANSHINA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS EVENT IN COMPARISON? 92 Responses

Now that both sides of the conflict have had their rude awakening, we asked how you guys felt about the two events comparatively. 33.7% feel that both attacks were tragic, but still feel more empathy toward the Eldians on Paradis than they do toward those who were raised on Marley. At a tie, 22.8% of respondents felt that the victims of the Liberio attack got what was coming with them, while another 22.8% felt about the same amount of sympathy for the victims on both sides. 10.9% feel this is way worse than what happened in Shiganshina and feel more sympathy for the victims in Liberio. 

I am yet to know the goals behind this attack.

Marley did this countless times so I don’t feel bad for them. I kind of feel for eldians tho bc they are brainwashed from a young age to give up their lives for a country who doesn’t give a shit about them. 

Honestly they deserve what Eren is doing to them. Excluding Falco, no one outside of Paradis has earned my sympathy, even with the additional context.

SADLY, UDO AND ZOFIA DID NOT SURVIVE THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEIR DEATHS? 91 Responses

Udo and Zofia have joined the ranks of characters who tagged along with the main cast for a while only to be killed off for character development. 25.3% anticipated at least one of them to die, but not both. Another tie on this poll, 24.2% stated that they were disappointed and was hoping to see more of them, while another 24.2% didn’t care about them at all. 14.3% are happy to ditch the focus on them in favor of more familiar characters, and 8.8% feel pure and utter devastation. 

Good riddance Warrior scum

Sad but allows for Gabi’s development 

sad but okay. death is common in this anime.

EREN AND FLOCH’S LAST INTERACTION IN S3 WAS A VERY TENSE ARGUMENT. NOW IT SEEMS FLOCH IS DEDICATED TO EREN’S CALL TO ACTION, SHIFTING THE “NECESSARY DEVIL” STATUS FROM ERWIN ONTO HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE NOW? 91 Responses

Eren and Floch were anything but BFF’s at the closing of season 3. Now Floch seems to be wholly devoted to Eren’s cause… What changed? 28.6% believe that nothing has actually changed in terms of their relationship, but that Floch simply just latched onto Eren’s fight in need of a new devil. 23.1% feel that they still aren’t friends, but are in more comfortable “ally” territory. 15.4% aren’t sure what to make of it. Smaller handfuls feel that they either grew to become friends and/or co-conspired to attack Liberio together. 22% are already spoiled on the details. 

Floch is easily persuaded...and annoying 🤷‍♀️

WE SEE GABI GRAB THE GUARD’S FUN AFTER WITNESSING SASHA KILL HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK MIGHT HAPPEN? 90 Responses

Gabi moves headstrong into the fight, wanting to play her part in defending her hometown. A large chunk of anime only viewers have been spoiled on future developments for her character. But for those still in the dark - 24.4% feel that she will successfully kill a member of the Survey Corps. 21.1% aren’t sure what to expect, while 10% think she will only manage to injure someone in the Survey Corps. Smaller amounts feel she won’t be successful in any capacity or may even die herself.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Epic episode, survey corps come back, OH YEAH, but I wished they didn’t use CGI on humans and bettered the CGI on Titans.

It really makes me sad how Eren is continuing the cycle of revenge by killing innocent Marleyan civilians, but it makes sense for his character. 

Real cool ep but w h e r e a r m i n

It sucks that I like the warriors and the Corp bc both of them are victims in different way so seeing them have to go head to head sucks. They all deserve better

SO great I loved it! However, I missed Reiner, Falco, and Zeke. I hope they're okay :-) RIP Udo and Zofia :-(

I think I need more dialogue between the old crew to really settle back in with them. I kinda believe that Mappa's still trying to 'click', they obviously can't just get it right immediately. Other then that I loved the titan scenes, more than ODM scenes 😔

This was a great episode and I was literally vibrating in my seat from excitement! I think MAPPA is doing a great job with the animation and the music works really well with the action. Can’t wait for the rest of the season!

I miss wit studio

Willy seems to have his first daughter really early, he looks like 30 !

I’d say the episode as a whole is a solid 8-9/10, the cgi in some parts really ruins the moment for me

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 88 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated!

[hypmicscenarios]

First Anniversary W/ Doppo

Summary: first anniversary with you and Doppo! If you havent been here before, all pronouns are neutral.

Doppo stood nervously in front of the jewelry store, fumbling with his hands, still in his office clothes. Your anniversary was coming up in a week, your one year anniversary. He had searched online for many gifts that he could give you. Apparently, jewelry was the best gift. Of course, you didn’t really care how expensive the gift was. All you had got him was the two of you matching kigurumis and a card with a heartfelt letter. You even told Doppo that he shouldn’t worry too much about it, but you were the light of his life. He wanted everything to be special.

So, there he was, too nervous to enter a store, especially where he saw mostly women. Not that he was afraid of them, no. It was just that he didn’t even know what to do. Or maybe he would feel out of place. He would get weird stares, maybe questions. They would ask him why he was there. He never really flaunted your relationship like that.

There were a million things running through his head until he felt the phone vibrate in his pocket, practically scaring him. He fumbled his phone out of his pocket and saw your text, reading it. Even through the phone, your words seemed to warm his heart, calm his nerves, make the storm in his mind finally quell.

y/n: Doppooo, I’m making your favorite~~ I love you, I’ll see you soon.

Doppo smiled down at his phone as he looked at your text. You were so precious to him. Honestly, you deserved The world. Even more than that. The stars, sun, moon. He took a sigh, his smile gone, but definitely a lot less worried as he replied back to you.

Doppo: a bit caught up, I might be 30 minutes to an hour late, but I'm definitely more motivated to finish up. Thank You. I love you. I’ll be home before you know it.

Doppo placed his phone back into his pocket. Clutching his suitcase tight, he walked into the store. Immediately, he was stopped by one of the clerks, and he froze. “Hello Sir, what brings you here today? Need something for your girlfriend? Wife? Family member? Friend? Just let me know and we can help you!”,the lady dressed in a grey suit, a name tag on her left breast.

“A...ah...significant other….one year,” Doppo said, blinking at the woman. She thought for a moment and then spoke,”I see,  Let's start with this, what's the first thing you think of when you see them?” Doppo answered,”bright...like the sun. Light in the dark….like the stars and moon,”he said, looking down away from the woman’s eyes, a bit of blush on his face.

The woman nodded and went behind the display of jewelry,”wait right here, I’ll be back with some options.” Doppo nodded and walked in front of the place, looking down into the glass and staring down at all of the jewelry. He waited, both hands on his suitcase in front of him, wondering what pieces of jewelry the woman would bring out.

Minutes later, she came out with a bunch of necklaces. Doppo looked at a bunch of them and picked one up in the shape of a sun, gold. “Ah, this one comes in a set. The other half has a star and a moon. If they’re all of those things, then why not have a piece of them with you, always, and it's not too expensive”

Doppo didn’t really wear jewelry ...but if he could keep a piece of you with him. Thinking again, it really wasn’t a piece of you. He was just buying it for you. His eyes looked down at the display case and he pointed to a locket necklace,”does this open and you can put a picture in?”, he asked. The woman nodded with a smile,”of course, we can even put the picture in there for you if you provide us with one.”

You stood in front of the mirror, checking your outfit, making sure everything was intact. Your hair was done, you smelled good, all seemed well. All you were doing is waiting for Doppo. Since you lived together, he was just in the room. You offered to help him dress, but he wanted to do everything himself. You sat on the couch, waiting for his voice, smiling when you finally did. Your eyes went wide, blinking as you saw him dressed up in his suit, his hair done up. Black suit, green turtleneck, black dress shoes. You walked forward towards him. Oh, and he also put on some cologne.  

Doppo looked away, a bit nervous, but you took his cheeks in your hands,making him look at you. “You look fine Doppo, very fine, handsome, even though you always do, but thank you for getting dressed up,”you leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, surprised when you felt a hand wrapped around your waist. Doppo deepened the kiss a bit, making it a little more passionate. He pulled away, blushing, but looking down at you,”you look….very beautiful y/n.”

“Thank you Doppo, shall we go now?”, you asked. He answered with a simple nod.

The two of you arrived at the restaurant, your seats already reserved. He pulled your chair out for you, then he sat down. You smiled as you looked at him,”we have to get some pictures of us, I was too excited to get any before we left.” You pulled your phone out, extending your arm, telling Doppo to look up. He only held up a peace sign, then you took the picture. You weren't going to ask him for a smile, you felt like those were special for you.

There were some photos of him with a smile, but you could count them with one hand on your instagram feed. Even then, you saw him smile all the time at home but, of course, you were still a bit jealous to show his smile to the world every time. Once you took about, at least 8 photos, just for good measure, one of them had to be right.

Wine was delivered to them and you took a sip. You guys had agreed that you would eat dinner. Then go home and give each other your gifts. The two of you reminisced.

“Doppo, do you remember how we met?”,you asked.

Doppo nodded,”of course y/n. I was walking and in a rush because I was late to work. I usually never am, but that night for some reason I couldn’t sleep. I dropped my work I.D out of my pocket and then felt a tap on my shoulder.”

You interrupted with a smile,”yeah. I had to run to catch up to you, you know, you were in such a hurry. When I first saw you, for some reason I just wanted to hug you,”you laughed,”I dont know why. You seemed so worried. I didn’t know what at the time but I just wanted to tell you that everything will be okay.”

Doppo nodded,”thank you. You were like my saviour that day.”

“Saviour? Doppo I just picked up your I.D, like any good person would,”you said with a chuckle but he disagreed. “No, you were my angel, y/n. I thought you were pretty but I was in a rush. So I gave you my business card so I could thank you properly later. Really, I would have been in a bit of trouble if I lost my i.d”,he said with a quick, soft smile.

“Yeah well, I was going to say that I didn’t need any reward or anything….but I just messaged you to see if everything was alright. I could have just thrown your card away but….I just couldn’t. Then I messaged you. Then again and again,”you said. Doppo spoke,”I was surprised….you kept talking to me. I thought….I was boring or...not interesting enough but- you kept replying. And….the more you did, the more it made me happy. The only friend I had really was Hifumi so….but you were special,”he said, You had heard the story before so you spoke,”and then Hifumi confiscated your phone and asked me out on a date?” Doppo blushed a bit and nodded,”I was very mad….but I was also very happy that you said yes.”

The two of you kept up your talk until the food arrived. Once it was there, you ate, small talk in between, mainly focusing on your food. You couldn't express how unbelievably happy you were. Doppo was the love of your life and you couldn’t wait to go home and physically express that to him.

Doppo opened the door for you, letting you in. You took your shoes off and walked towards the couch. Doppo did the same and walked over. He sat down, hand in his pocket, rubbing the box that contained both of your necklaces.

“Wait wait, let me go get our stuff,”you said, getting up.

You went and came back with a red gift wrapped box, it was filled with the card inside too.

“I can open yours first,”Doppo said, a smile, yet curious look on his face.

You watched with big, excited eyes, waiting to see his reaction. Doppo opened the box and saw the card first. He opened the card, eyes reading everything you said, taking it in. A smile on your face until a tear goes down his face.  

You went forward on the couch and spoke,”aw wait wait, baby, whats wrong,”you said, placing a gentle hand on his cheek,wiping his lone tear away with your thumb. Doppo shook his head, a soft smile on his face as he looked at you. He placed his hands on your cheeks he spoke,” y/n I-,”he stopped. Then leaned in, placing a soft kiss on your lips. You were surprised, but you closed your eyes, pushing forward and kissing back gently.

Doppo pulled away, fluttering his eyes open as he gazed into yours,”Im...so lucky to have you. I love you.” You smiled and pecked him on the lips,”I love you too. I also have more,”you said, pointing down at the clothes in the box.

He pulled out an eeyore onsie, blinking at it, then you pulled the tigger one out and held it up,”its Kigurimis! Both winnie the pooh related, since its been getting cold lately, we can sleep in it.” Doppo chuckled,”thank you, y/n, its perfect.” You chuckled as well,”its cute right? I can't wait to see you in it.”

Doppo placed both of your stuff on the table then took out his box, a bit nervous, just incase you didn’t like it. He handed it over to you and you took it slowly. You could feel how nervous and you smiled, placing your hand over his,”I know I’ll love it no matter what, because you put thought into it, okay?”,you said with a smile. He nodded, your angelic smiling destroying any nerves he still had.

You opened the box and took a locket out, immediately recognizing what it was, your eyes sparkling. You opened the locket and saw a picture of Doppo smiling, definitely recognizing from one the selfies the two of you took. He looked….so cute. You could wear this everyday.

“Doppo…..I love it!”,you said. Doppo blinked,”y-you do? I mean i'm glad you I just-aH”, he stopped as he felt you attack and hug him, wrapping your hands around his neck. “ I do I do, I love it! I’ll wear it everyday,”you said, giving him a big kiss on the cheek.

Doppo blushed at the action, but a fond smile appeared on his face, a relieved air about him,”I'm happy you do.” You smiled and turned around,”here put it on,”you said, wrapping the necklace around your neck, only needing him to hook the two ends together. You put Doppo’s necklace on too. He opened it, smiling even wider as he saw your face in the locket.

You smiled and moved Doppo’s hands away from the locket, then went to sit on his lap.

“y-y-y/n?”, he asked, clearly flushed at the action. You smiled and spoke as you placed your hands on his shoulders,”Happy Anniversary Doppo, I love you so so much.” Doppo’s face lit up, his eyes looking at you lovingly, placing his hands on your cheeks.

“I...I know...im not the best at words but...I love you. You’re my most precious person. I...I dont know what I’d do without you, y/n,”he said, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on your forehead. You thought he was done, but he moved down and placed a kiss on both of your eyes. Eventually, he landed on your lips, both of you smiling into it as you wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping the sweet kiss up for a bit longer.

He pulled away and spoke,”thank you, happy anniversary y/n.”

The two of you kissed for a while until you decided to get out of your formal wear, putting on the kigurumis, which you took a couple of selfies together, and in the mirror.

It was a great night.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[musubiki]

I had a thought the other night. How do the Sevii Islands play into Leaf's story? If I remember correctly, a lot of this side plot happens after beating the E4, and given Leaf leaves not long after beating them I was curious. I hope you don't mind me asking!

no prob!!!!

➞

actually, leaf leaves about a year after beating the e4 (so one year there and 2 years abroad to make for the 3 year timeskip)

(im deadass i havnet played in the sevii islands for a while but ill try to post what i remember)

the main thing about the sevii islands for leaf was that. thats where green ran away to after he was beaten at the indigo plateau. after prof oak expressed his very clear disappointment and green having to. stand there and listen to his grandpa praise leaf on how she got there. he. fucking got on his pidgeot and left. 

no one knew where he went and he was missing for weeks. daisy got worried sick and during this time leaf got in a fight w/ prof oak and scolded him about the way he treats green because “He’s nothing like what you seem to think he is” 

and she’s right. prof oak is just bitter and scared that green would turn out the way Agatha did

side note backstory headcanon real quick: prof oak and Agatha were rivals when they were young. they went to the same school and were best friends and rivals just like green and leaf

and Agatha actually loved him but he didn’t see her that way because. he thought she was too obsessed with power (she was) and didnt like the way she treated her pokemon (it wasnt horrible, but she only really used them as tools to fight and he thought it was wrong)

so when he found his future wife (greens grandmother) she became angry and bitter and it strained theyre relationship a lot. eventually they just. hated each other 

so the reason why prof oak was always scolding green and “why dont you treat your pokemon nicer” and all that.,. shit he told him at the league.,.was because of that history he had

growing up he kind of projected onto green what agatha was (even though he was never really like that) which was why he was always discouraging him from becoming champion and why they had kind of a tense relationship when green went on his journey

so after prof oak was like. scolding green at the league. (i forget what he was saying something about how he was disappointed in him. even though he made it this far. all by himself. same as leaf. and he treated his pokemon fine.) leaf went to talk to him about this and that’s what sparked the fight + leaf learned the whole backstory™ from both him and agatha previously

so she scolds him on it. because. hes wrong and green really isnt like that. he loves his pokemon and the prof was wrong to treat him that way. so she tells him that shes gonna bring green home and when she does he better fix his attitude because by god green does not deserve this

and shes right

so daisy talks to bill, asks him if hes seen green. he tells her he heard he might be down at the sevii islands. so daisy begs him to bring leaf there to find green. and he says sure. on the condition, I get 3 boxes of oatmeal cookies

and shes yeah, sure, fine, whatever you want. so bill takes leaf to the sevii islands (hes always on the ss anne. he probably has like free tickets for life [thanks lance]) 

she finds green there. hes still pretty depressed but. he lowkey helps the older people that live there. when he first sees her its like this mess of emotions because. its leaf. (and this is post saffron keep in mind so hes still confused and messed up about how he feels about her) so hes. happy, angry, sad, proud, everything. luckily she convinces him to talk and though hes a mess, his tone comes out bitter

theyre like. probably in mt ember or something when this al happens bc no one else is around. she asks him to come home, he replies why should he when no one wants him there anyway. his gandpa hates him, he says, and shes probably rejoycing too that hes finally out her way and. here we go. they have another fight.

though its less like a fight and more like shes getting him to finally vent out everything hes been holding in because fuck. he always acts so tough and strong but he does still feel things. and hes the one yelling and angry and she just. keeps her voice soft and calm because. he is at this point. the weakest hes ever been (and ever will be until…..things……………..)

and so they fight about why he left, and how he cant stay there. and how daisy misses him and is worried. and how prof oak doesnt hate him, they just need to talk about it. and how she doesnt hate him, and she never did. and hes. shocked by the last part. and its just a deep and kind of sad talk between them and also. the point where green sees her more of a friend than a rival.

and at the end of this hes sitting down and hes like. not even angry or depressed hes just fucjifnd sad and disapointed in himself and he thinks hes disapointed eveyone and leaf just. hugs him around his neck. tightly. and hes caught off gaurd. hes just sitting there with his hands awkwardly hovering. 

and she tells him that they all miss him. and theyre all worried for him. and he hasnt dispointed anyone. and that everyone is proud of him and everything hes done. and that. shes proud of him. and she wants him to come back with her and hes just.,., “.,…////..//./..,.” 

and he finally. hugs her back. and. burried his face in her neck and. just melts into her. and they stay like that for a while and hes. happy shes here for him so he decides fine, ill come home. because fuck it, i cant run from this forever. might as well get it over with. fuck. its worth it if i can maybe get more moments like this, he thinks

and then of course. bill comes in. and inturrupts. and “Oh there you guys are- oh.” because THEYRE STILL LIKE. IN AN EMBRACE. 

AND LEAF BLUSHES AND PANICS AND TRIES TO PUSH GREEN AWAY but green is. no. his arms are LOCKED around her . he aint ready for her to leave him yet. bill can fuck off

eventually they go back to the ss anne to head home and green is. still green. so hes like you know what. im gonna use this situation to my fullest advantage. because he really liked that hug. and he. acknowledges the fact that. when hes close to her like that its. nice. 

so that night fnhjdfj forgive me folks. he goes to her room to hang out. and shes like yay!!! hes getting back to normal!!! thank arceus!!! and theyre chilling on her bed like. watching tv or talking or something. and hes probably using her lap as a pillow hes a spsidl spoiled fucking brat. and when it comes time for him to leave and go back to his own room hes like. how about i stay here instead

and shes like,,.,., what.,.. ?

and so he pulls this bullshit pitty card shit (i hte him) about how hes sad (hes not anymore) and he doesnt wanna be alone (big fucking liar) so he wants to stay therw tih her. and at this point hes like fuckingnjfkd cuddling up to her and shit and shes “U-uhh..i d-….don’t…know if this.,. uhhh” shes a blushing mess, mind you

and fyi, hes been thinking about saffron like., 90% of the time ever since it happened. he cant get it out of his head. ever

so he has his like arms wrapped around her waist and his head resting on her belly and hes. fucking. (i HATE HIM) giving her these like puppy dog eyes????? AND SHES WEAK ALREADY. AND HE ADDS THIS SOFT LIKE “Please, Leaf?” 

so shes ok,. fine ,,.,.. and he immediately goes back to his shit snarky self and adds something along the lines of “I knew you’d come around/give in eventually/couldn’t resist me” and shes blushing and stuttering and a total mess and hes just grinning and teasing her he loves her reactions and. theyre back baby.

meanwhile. pom is happy. the gang is back together and vee is pretend gagging. pom punches him

when they get back to pallet town, leaf brings green to talk to prof oak. and the talk actually goes good. prof oak tells him his whole story(he’d never told them before) and apologizes for the way hes acted. and hopes that green would consider like. spending more time together. and hopes he can forgive him(ofc its yes. green loves his gramps despite everything)

he tells green that leaf is one amazing girl

green blushes because HAHAHAAhahhhaha ye. a h… she is.,…………..fuc k../

from this point the mew/two adventure/subplot takes off 

and bill gets his cookies too. she only made him 2 boxes and he writes her an official comlpaint letter

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

[craft-rose]

change (pt. 3)

Title: change

Pairing: Seokjin/Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Smut.

Description: One ordinary night, your friend Seokjin approaches you with a surprising matter and a rather unorthodox solution.

PART 1  PART 2  PART 3

You knocked gently on the bedroom door. “Everything okay in here?”

Seokjin bounced a look at you, quickly draping the covers over Taehyung’s drunken form before meeting you in the empty, dimly lit hallway of the Bangtan dorm.

“Thanks for your help tonight,” he uttered to you quietly, keeping his voice down as to not wake the other members. “I had no idea anyone Taehyung’s size could consume that much alcohol and live to tell the tale.”

You pressed your lips together to keep from laughing, quietly following him through the hallway and into the kitchen. Given the fact that the boys had spent the past three months preparing for an album, their dorm was in a less than presentable state. There were clothes, phone chargers, shoes, hats and all sorts of items scattered all over the place.

With immense effort you avoided stepping on anything, leaning against the kitchen counter after, bouncing a quick, unnoticeable look at your friend as he grabbed two bottles of beer, popping the caps off of them before handing one to you.

Although you had work in the morning, you were already too far gone to give a fuck.

Leaning against the counter opposite you, Seokjin tilted back a mouthful of beer, exhaling after. “What a crazy night.”

You nodded. “I’m sure Taehyung’s going to have fun at practice tomorrow.”

Seokjin chuckled into his beer, using the back of his hand to wipe the dribble from his chin after. “That’s what he gets for not staying at home like I told him to.”

“Yeah, absolu — wait, what? He told me that you asked him to go to the club with you tonight,” You interjected, suddenly confused. “That’s the reason I came out in the first place. He said he needed company while you were hanging out with that girl from the bar.”

The idol raised an eyebrow at you, thinking for no longer than a moment before the answer came crashing down on him. “Ah.”

“Ah?”

“He did this on purpose,” Seokjin explained, nodding to you, cheeks flushing with colour. “I, uh, I told him what happened the other night, after I dropped you off, and I guess this was his way of trying to mend the situation.”

You gulped down some beer. “I had no idea the situation required mending.”

“__________-ah, I propositioned you,” Seokjin reminded you with a small laugh at the end.

Covering your mouth to keep from dribbling beer, you quickly nodded, chuckling. “Good point.”

“I’m starting to wonder if he’s even that drunk,” the idol voiced, pointing a look into the hallway as if contemplating whether he should check.

The silence that followed lasted only a few seconds. You leisurely glanced around, allowing your gaze to shift towards your friend as he knocked back another mouthful of beer. His hair was all messy and out of place, his cheeks were flushed from dancing and drinking all night and his shirt was untucked, clinging to his broad shoulders as he lifted the bottom part to wipe the sweat from his face.

You felt your skin turn hot at the sight of his abdominal muscles, the image of them burned deep into the depths of your subconscious as you quietly drank, allowing the beer to cool your insides.

“I’ve been meaning to apologize,” he suddenly said, breaking your train of thought.

Glancing up at him, you felt your eyebrows twitch upward. “For what?”

Seokjin rubbed the back of his neck. “For avoiding you these past few weeks.”

“Ah.” You nodded, quickly catching on. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing we have Tae. And beer.”

“To Tae and beer,” he announced.

You smiled, clinking bottles with him. “To Tae and beer.”

Swallowing another mouthful, you slowly found yourself thinking back to what Seokjin had said to you at the club. I’ve always felt a spark with you. At the time you had chalked it up to alcohol, a drunken confession in the corridor of a crowded, smoky club.

You pressed the opening of the beer bottle to your bottom lip, discreetly glancing over at Seokjin before you asked.

“Do you still want to?”

He looked to you, a brush of uncertainty in his gaze. “Want to what?”

“Do you still want to have sex with me?” You furthered.

Seokjin fell silent for a good, long moment, the uncertainty in his eyes slowly tapering away. “If I say yes, I’m a shitty friend, a creep and an opportunist,” he uttered into the quiet of the kitchen, the others fast asleep in their bedrooms. “And If I say no … well, then, I’m a liar, too.”

Ignoring the rapid beats of your chest, you emptied the slender glass bottle between your lips and then released it with a gentle pop as Seokjin watched.

Within moments, the atmosphere had changed completely.

The distant hum of traffic faded so deep into the background, you could barely hear it anymore.

“I’ve been thinking about it,” You said to him. “About everything you said to me the other night, your reasoning for why you want me to be the one, and I-I’m honestly surprised that you would even think of something so stupid and reckless, let alone suggest it to me.”

His face fell, but only briefly. “I-I understand.”

Sparing only a few seconds, you swallowed the nervous lump in your throat before uttering the rest. “I think I’m in the mood for something stupid and reckless tonight.”

He bounced a look at you, his expression unreadable. You weren’t sure what you expected out of him in that moment, but it certainly wasn't what came to be.

“_________-ah, I’m not going to have sex with you on a whim,” he said to you, unexpectedly.

Your cheeks flushed red. “But I-I thought you wanted t —”

“I do, but I don’t want you to wake up sober in the morning and regret it.”

“That’s assuming I wouldn’t want to sleep with you sober,” You countered.

“We both know you wouldn’t. That’s why you said no the first time.”

“It sounds to me like you’re the one saying no.”

His fixed his lips to the side. “You know I want you. That’s not the problem here.”

“Then what is the problem?” You asked. “I’m not drunk if that’s your concern.”

“Prove it.”

You snorted. “What, do you want me to recite the alphabet backwards or something?”

He folded his arms. “If that’s what it takes.”

“Fine,” You uttered, stepping up. “Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T-S-R-Q-P-O — this is seriously the most dull, unsexual thing that any guy has ever asked of me by the way — N-M-L-K-J-I-H-G-F-E-D-C-B-A. Happy?”

“Not quite,” he decided. “I’m going to need you to walk in a straight line, one foot in front of the other.”

You frowned for just a second, turning around and doing as he asked in perfect, undeniably sober fashion. “There. Are we good now or do you have a breathalyzer handy?”

“__________-ah, you know I’m only looking out for you.”

You absolutely did know that and you appreciated the fact that he was making you jump through hoops, but you felt embarrassed anyway. In the past, all you had ever had to do was vaguely hint at wanting to have sex with a guy before he whipped out a condom and got to work.

As expected, Seokjin was different.

His expression softened in the seconds that followed. “Come here.”

“What? Why do I have to go there? Why don’t you just come h —”

“__________-ah, get your ass over here right now.”

Your eyebrows bounced up, and you simply looked to him for a moment, shocked that he would use such a tone with you. The shock lasted only a second before your lips twitched with laughter at the same time as his did. You slowly came forward, stopping within a few inches of him as he tilted his head down and brushed your hair back, behind your ears.

“I’m sorry for embarrassing you,” he apologized to you, rather sincerely.

He was close enough now that you could smell hints of his cologne. The scent itself was soft and cool, like the rain, and the second you breathed it in, you felt your eyes flutter shut. On that same wavelength, Seokjin titled his head even further down, burying his head into the curve your neck and brushing his lips along your pulse.  

You sucked in, startled by the feeling of it. “Are you sure you’re a virgin?”

“Pretty sure,” he quipped, slowly and carefully coming back up again to meet your lips in a kiss.

It was light at first, tentative the way first kisses are. You almost weren’t sure where to place your hands, whether it was too soon to part your lips for him or to tell him how badly you wanted him just then and in how many ways.

Seemingly having read your thoughts, Seokjin pulled back for only a second, brushing his thumb down the middle of your bottom lip and then leaning in again, kissing you so deeply that you felt it everywhere.

Within seconds, you felt his tongue and your body ached for it elsewhere.

“S-seriously,” You panted, pulling back to catch your breath. “Are you sure you’re a … a …”

He kissed down your neck, chuckling. “I promise you, I am.”

“B-but virgins don’t kiss like this.”

“Maybe you were just kissing the wrong ones,” he teased.

You bit down on your bottom lip, tugging gently at his clothes and then grasping his shoulders as he lifted you up, carrying you out of the kitchen and onto the large couch in the living room.

Given that he shared a room with Yoongi, you figured it wasn’t going to happen on a bed. Either way, you didn’t care. The second he dropped you on the couch, you tugged him close, creating a tangled mess of clothes, limbs and body heat.

The silence was quickly interrupted by the sound of zippers and torn threads.

In a matter of seconds, he was shirtless, his jeans undone but still on, and you were on top of him in nothing but your bra and underwear.

You felt it all in that position, his size and how badly he wanted you.

He sat up very briefly, popping your bra open and taking your nipples into his mouth one by one, licking around them and sucking just hard enough to leave you grinding on his lap.

Okay, so he’s a virgin, but maybe not a full virgin.

You quickly regained control, pushing him back down, taking a second to enjoy it before shifting down the length of his body. Going by the way that he held his breath, he knew what was coming and you could see in his eyes that he wanted it badly.

Without a word, you slid your fingertips inside the waist of his jeans, and gently tugged at them, taking his boxers off at the same time. Slowly, every last inch of him was revealed to you. In all honesty, you had never really enjoyed giving blowjobs in the past. You enjoyed the control and you enjoyed giving your partners pleasure, but the actual act of having a dick in your mouth, had never really appealed to you beyond those two things.

But the second you grasped his dick and wrapped your lips around the tip, his leg and abdominal muscles tightening and then releasing, you loved it.

You decided to take it slow, lightly swirling your tongue around the tip while rubbing him up and down with your hand. The deeper you took him in, the harder it was for him to remain quiet.

Once you found a comfortable rhythm, gradually picking up the pace, releasing the tip from your lips with a gentle pop like you had the beer bottle, and then taking it all the way in again, Seokjin tilted his head forward and watched, biting down on his lip, inching closer with each second. He twitched and squirmed and panted so loudly, it was a miracle the others didn’t come rushing out to see what was going on.

You sucked and licked all the way down to his balls and back up his length, your eyes watering and the back of your throat contracting as you took him all the way inside.

“__________-ah,” he gasped, barely managing to get the words out. “I-I’m g-going to —”

You could pulled away but you didn’t. Instead you sucked harder and deeper and allowed him to come into the back of your throat as you hurriedly swallowed.

When you finally came back up to collect you breath — hair a wild mess, eyes bright and cheeks flushed as if you had just finished a workout — he shifted his body upright and met you face to face, brushing your hair back and kissing every inch of your face before making his way to your lips.

You knew he could taste himself on you, and you were really turned on by the fact that he didn’t care.

The moment he guided you back down onto the couch, tugged your underwear off and settled his mouth between your legs, you could sworn you blacked out from anticipation alone.

You were considerably wet already, and going by the way he groaned with his tongue and his lips grazing your clit, you could tell he loved the taste of it. His movements were slow and steady, in a way which proved to you that he had never done this before. He had never used his mouth on a girl before. This was the first time for him, and the more he tested you and teased you and tasted everywhere, the better it felt.

After only a few seconds of exploration, he slowly came to focus all of his attention on your clit, gently sucking and flicking on it as you tugged gently on his hair and squeezed his head between your thighs, mostly without meaning to.

Lips shaking around each moan, you gasped as he slid a finger inside you, and then another.

In a matter of seconds you were twisting and coming, and he kept going, making you twitch and  choke and squeeze until he finally stopped, his lips glistening as he lifted his head up to look at you.

“How was that?” he asked, as if he didn’t already know.

You resisted the urge to wipe that smirk off his face, far too breathless to think straight, let alone speak.

You weren’t sure when it happened, but at some point he got up and ducked into the kitchen, two glasses of ice cold water in he returned moments later. He handed one to you as you sat up, your insides thanking you the moment the cool liquid touched your mouth.

After a moment of thought, you decided to ask. “You’ve never done that before, have you?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Not in a bad way. Honestly, I-I’ve never come that like from just oral before.”

He blinked his eyes wide, but only briefly. “Really?”

You nodded, thinking back to how it felt just a moment ago. Granted, you hadn’t slept with very many guys, but you had slept with enough to know that it felt different with Seokjin. There was a rush of feelings inside you that couldn’t explain.

The second you met eyes with him, you knew he felt it, too.

Setting your empty glass aside at the same time as him, you looped your hair up, allowing a few strands to fall loosely around your neck, and he grabbed his jeans from the pile of clothes on the floor, tearing open a tiny foil packet a moment later.

Once he rolled the condom on, his dick hard and ready again, you climbed on top and breathed in  as he gently kissed you.

“I don’t want this to be over,” You quietly confessed.

He deepened the kiss, pulling back but only to speak. “Neither do I.”

Within moments of that, you lowered yourself onto him, holding your breath as he gently pushed inside you.

Gasping at the last second, you felt yourself squeeze around him, tightening and then relaxing as you slowly began to ride him. As hard and as fast as you wanted to go, you held back. Although he had come not five minutes prior, you could tell he wasn’t going to last very long.

His lips were on you the entire time. On your mouth, neck and around your nipples, causing you to ride faster and harder, and to bring him so close to the edge, he could taste it.

“Y-you’re going to m-make me c-c —”

You timed it perfectly, using the upward curve of his dick to hit your spot with every motion, and after only about a minute or two of sex, you came at the same time he did, smothering your moan against his lips as the two of you kissed through it. His body felt hard everywhere, softening only as he released the breath that he had been holding in.

He couldn’t even speak properly. “That was … that was … you … we …”

I completely agree. 

“We … we might have to do this … again,” You managed to say, chest rising and falling as you tried to collect your breath. “Just to … just to make sure you get the … full … experience.”

He lifted an eyebrow at you, choking on a sudden burst of laughter at the same time you did, that same rush of feelings bubbling inside you as he cupped your cheeks and left a trail of kiss from your forehead to the bridge of your nose to your lips.

The End

[stimtoybox]

Image Descriptions

I’ve got two asks by anons on the same theme, so I’ll combine them into one post to save a few spoons:

Hi! I was wondering if you had a guide for writing image descriptions? Something outlining how much detailed is needed and what should and should no be included, any tips really. Thanks! 

hi! i had a couple of questions about image descriptions; do you have/have a link to a guide on how to write them properly (eg. amount of detail, how to write multiple image descriptions on one post and still be clear etc)? and if we dont have the spoons for a full description, would a simple/basic desc (eg: "a jar of blue orbeez on a wooden desk" w/ no more detail) help by giving the mods a starting point to edit from rather than writing from scratch or would it be a hindrance? 

This is actually a hard question for me to answer, because it asks me to do something I do without thinking - convert non-word information into words. In all honesty, my first response was well, just describe it which is so not helpful to anyone. For me, this is like asking someone to explain how they fall asleep - it’s an automatic process that doesn’t involve a lot of conscious decision-making.

So I let both asks lie fallow for a few days until I got past the not helpful first response and figured out what it is I actually do when I describe.

I’ll also observe that while I do need image descriptions myself (for GIFs and videos) I am not the primary target for them, so there might be needs I have forgotten or overlooked. I’m in the position of needing descriptions but still having full access to reading the text, so there’s probably a lot of issues folks who use screen readers face that I haven’t included. Please correct me if so.

First: any description is better than no description.

If you only have spoons for one line, do it and call it done, seriously. Yes, a more detailed description is preferable, but when you look at the vast amount of undescribed posts on Tumblr alone, if even a brief descriptive line makes those posts more accessible, we’re better off. We need to make Tumblr a more accessible place for everyone, so every little bit makes a difference.

(Speaking for my needs here at @stimtoybox, I can always add a description line if there’s something I think needed that the OP has left out, and I have done this in the past. That’s still less work than my having to do it myself, and I’m pretty sure the other mods will agree. Anything that means less work for us means more posts for everyone else. Right now, I have the posts to go up to posting five or six times a day easily, but we can’t format them fast enough to do so.)

I’ve tucked everything else behind a read-more cut. This is a long post and is probably best read when one has time and spoons on hand:

Second: you do not and should not describe every tiny detail in an image.

Look at an image long enough and you’ll see a chapter’s worth of detail you can describe, but nobody wants to read through or listen to a whole chapter just to know what’s in the image. To be blunt, nobody cares about the fine grain detail of the table on which your stress ball is sitting. They’re more interested in the pattern on the stress ball.

We need to describe in more detail the relevant information and in less detail the incidental information. This is all the more important for describers with limited spoons, like most of us, but it’s also important for folks who need the descriptions but don’t have the spoons to read a paragraph for one relevant sentence.

To figure out what’s description-worthy, as in what the majority of your description should focus on, you might want to ask yourself these questions:

- Who is the image for?

- What is the image about?

Take any photo on this blog as an example: this photo is for stimmers, about a given stim toy, and its purpose is to show people what this toy looks like and, often, how it might be used. That tells you immediately what your focus is. Often, it’s the central object in the image, as we have a long history of indicating importance by putting something in the centre of a composition. However, it could also be several stim toys or people; chances are high that any single image is actually about a few different things at once.

Next, we move on to details we think people are going to want to know:

- What do the subjects of the image look like?

This can be broken down into a few different categories:

- Colour: what colour or colours is the subject?

- Shape: is it rounded? Angular? Cube, rectangular, circular? How many different shapes comprise it?

- Texture: is it soft? Hard? Fuzzy? Prickling? Protruding?

- Size: how much bigger, longer or wider is the subject compared to any other items in the photograph?

(Stim toy review shots often have the toy beside a coin or credit-card-sized card for scale, so describe the difference between that item and the toy.)

- Text: is there any text in the image, particularly on labels, signs or packaging? Include this, especially if it conveys meaningful information!

- Material: plastic? Wool? Wood? Metal? How many different materials comprise it? How is it put together?

- Expression: does it look happy? Sad? Indifferent?

Less relevant for stim toys, more relevant for animals/people. I don’t just mean facial expression here, but body language as well. The difference between a dog growling and a dog lying on its side sunbaking is something people will want to know.

Next,

- Is there anything in the background that impacts the subject?

For stim toys, this often isn’t the case. You can write a short line referencing the background or, if you need to save spoons, exclude it. This is where you don’t need to go full-on detail, because it isn’t necessary to the information the image is trying to impart. A reference is good, as it goes some way to giving the reader the whole visual experience, but this shouldn’t be the focus of your description if it has nothing or little to do with the subject. Contrarily, for a landscape shot of mountains, the background is as much the subject if not the subject, so it should be described with more detail.

- Is there anything in your description irrelevant to the subject?

For example, glare, flash, an out-of-focus shot, two sentences describing the wood grain of the table on which the Tangle is sitting. If your description is already tending to the long (more than a paragraph), these are the sorts of things that are first to be cut because they don’t aid in conveying meaning. If you do include these things in your description, keep them to brief mentions: they should not be the focus.

- Is my description too long to be readable?

The general rule is this: the longer the description, the more incidental/extraneous detail you need to cut (and the more formatting it will need, see below). The more photos in one post, like a long photoset, the more you need to cut detail that isn’t absolutely relevant, since nobody is going to read or listen to ten paragraphs of description about said photoset.

This is why I dislike information posts here on Tumblr that contain upwards of say ten images: they’re difficult to describe properly without creating an essay-length description that even folks who need that description won’t bother accessing. Conversely, the amount of information needed to be cut to make the description readable means the folks who need those descriptions just aren’t getting enough information. The very format of these posts makes them impossible to make fully accessible.

(It’s different on other websites, especially for things like tutorials and essays, where you can put the description as alt text and it’s broken up by the body text itself. When you’re forced to put image descriptions as one separate section of text, as here on Tumblr, it is a problem.)

If you want your post to convey information and be accessible to the majority of people, consider the amount of images in your post. This post is an example of why a large amount of images render the post, when described, absolutely inaccessible. You’re better off to make a few smaller posts, that can be described with readable/listenable descriptions, than one massive post, even if you tuck the descriptions under a read more.

Lastly,

- What is the image trying to convey to its audience?

This is less relevant for stim toys, more relevant for photos of animals/people, comics, anything where the image is doing more than conveying factual information. When an image is telling a story, check if the factual descriptions do communicate that story. Your description should be doing, as much as possible, the job of the image, which means conveying information or telling a story.

When describing, keep asking yourself: if I couldn’t see this image, what would I want to know? A description that answers that question without becoming an essay is a good description.

Third: formatting is important.

Paragraphing: in most cases, anything more than ten lines a paragraph will result in nobody reading it. Humans have short attention spans, even more so for non-fiction/non-creative/informative writing, like web writing. Not to mention that many disabilities make processing slabs of text difficult if not impossible. If your description runs longer than ten lines, break it up somewhere. Also, if you need to break up your paragraph, that’s a good sign that your description might be long enough to go under a read more cut.

Make sure you’ve got a line space between each paragraph. Anyone who reads your description (me, for example, if you’ve described a GIF) is used to the standard online formatting of a line space between paragraphs, and just starting a new line throws off the brain’s ability to realise you’ve paragraphed. It will still look like an unreadable block of text, and I can promise you that I won’t read it (can’t read it, in fact). Which is a waste of your time, sadly, since you mean the best, but that’s how much formatting does matter.

(Tumblr mostly adds line spaces between paragraphs automatically for you if you’re typing in rich text mode; you’ll need to add the HTML for paragraphs if you’re in HTML mode. Just add <p> to the start and </p> to the end of each paragraph.)

Indicating: use some indication (usually the words “image description” and brackets) that the description is not the body text, as that signals to sighted readers that they can skip past it. I use squared brackets [] because they’re not in common use in prose/non-mathematical text. I dislike the use of rounded brackets () because they’re in common use, so my brain thinks the description is body text. I realise it a few seconds later, but if we can tell the brain immediately that the text is optional, it’s easier on the reader, especially if they have limited spoons for text processing.

This one is subtle editing; I know most people don’t think about how much text formatting guides and alerts the reader, but there’s a reason we stick to some norms in English. The brain gets very used to certain styles and punctuation conveying meaning, and folks with developmental disorders in particular might find it hard to understand meaning without these cues or have to work harder to get that meaning. Speaking from personal experience!

Numbering: in most cases for multi-image posts, you’ll need to mentally assign a number to the post (left to right, top to bottom) and describe those pictures in order. This is for folks who can see images but need the text to help with processing; if they’re not in order, it’s ridiculously confusing. Start each description with the number of that photo and break each description up into a new paragraph. Here’s an example on my sensory room post.

The exception for this is when there’s only a few images or those images aren’t very different from each other. Then, to save spoons (as I have few myself) I’ll describe the subject of the image and then how it differs in each photo, often in a single paragraph. Here’s an example on a slime post. I admit that this is a less-clear way of describing, but it saves a few spoons!

I’m sure there’s something I’ve forgotten, anons, but this has taken me quite a few spoons. If there’s something confusing or there’s a question I haven’t properly answered, ask and I’ll do my best to answer/answer properly.

Likewise, if folks who use screen readers want to add corrections or changes, please do so!

- Mod K.A.

[men4ce-red]

i saw only a few draws of yanya but i want to know more about him :

kicks the door in WELL my friend ur in LUCK bc i have a LOT of shit abt yanya to talk abt

let’s kick it off with his backstory SHALL WE

so ! yanyas a lil kitsune boi raised in a little village in the outskirts of karnosea on famia, we dont have a name for it yet its not important w/e ANYWAY

he was BORN in a bigger town in central karnosea which i also dont have a name for but its also not important, what IS important is that he was a happy lil gremlin for most of his little babby years until he hit about elementary school where all the other kids’ parents started teaching them to be racist towards orcs and kitsunes and lizardfolk n shit! so they started being little shits towards him. which made him not like being in fox shape around them anymore. or in general.

so when his mums, shiranuit, a kitsune barbarian, and resnerina, a half-orc witch, were like “fuck that shit,” they moved away to that much smaller settlement, made up almost Entirely of rarer races like catfolk and wyvaran, and also orcs and ogres and stuff yea

and things were p alright! yanyas mums love him Very Much ok i love them and i love him and they all love each other. shiranuit works as a weaponsmith, and resnerina works as a luthier. so when u mashed their work together, u got yanya, a skald, or Basically a rage bard, who makes all his weapons and instruments, bc he makes his weapons into instruments, and vice versa.

his first weapon in game was a heavy mace that doubled as a guitar! it was crafted from metal ofc but its body was in the shape of a cow skull bc that shit’s metal. on one side was the guitar all strung up, and on the other he’d flip it around and it’s just Covered in spikes for him to beat the shit out of whatever 8)c

he uses his music to express himself. even with cure and mending magic, destroying things and lashing out and being aggressive all the time doesn’t make him feel good, so he’ll usually just turn to screaming out some sick tunes instead. his music’s very important to him.

moving back to early life however! he moved on through school pretty easy. i mean. not Entirely too easily bc the boy’s dumb as a brick so w/e he just. he didnt flunk out at the very least ok Cs get degrees anyway

and when he was abt.. 16, 17, he met ash!  his first..and Only girly friend who’s also a kitsune, and a gunslinger! between the two of them, she’s kind of.. the ‘brains’ but. even then she’s not like, super smart. it’s just.. not hard to be smarter than yanya w/ that sweet 7 WIS and 10 INT score lmfao. she’s plenty clever tho!

around this time yanya and ash didn’t go to school, they travelled around their local part of karnosea causing a little trouble here and there bc well. they’re of chaotic alignment. however! chaotic good alignment, so they really only gave hell to..racists 8) .. bc fuck em

the thing is though, while yanya had two mums that loved him a lot, ash didn’t. she had one mum that sucked a bunch and constantly berated her, and yanya knew, it was partially why they spent so much time just carting around wildly, having fun, bc yanya knew she deserved better!

as a side note, karnosea is neighboring artorias, which is the Big Capital of famia, where Queen Azaroa has opened a bard college! probably the best and most chattered abt all over the world tbh. you can bet yanya’s heard of it by now, being as musically inclined as he is, and has always sort of dreamed of going there.. but shit, he and his fam ain’t making that kind of money, lmfao

but! it just so happens, as rumors say, there’s a new scholarship surfacing, offered specifically to members of more. rare races, such as kitsunes! yanya can’t lie about his interest being piqued..

but the thing was, from 16 going on 18, he was sort of perfectly happy and content just travelling around like a rascal with ash, because they were best friends!! and having fun!! and without yanya, he thought ash would be all alone with her fuckin mean ass mum!! he didn’t want that, and also that bard college is probably overrated anyway, whatever..

ash’s mum isn’t having any of it, wtf ash is happy??  

the second ash and yanya get back home from whatever little bout of travel they were on, ash’s mum goes on a tirade at ash about how she’s dragging yanya down and holding him back, how she’s not good enough for him, etc.. so ash panics, because she knows he isn’t going to leave her unless she makes him never wanna see her again.

so! that same day, ash tells yanya about. how she’s been cheating on him the whole time. laughs in his face. tells him he should’ve expected it, kitsunes are known for being tricksters, liars after all!

he’s heartbroken.. so he leaves for artorias in a shocked daze probably not a full 12 hr later 

and he gets accepted to the college!

ofc being kinda poor and rough around the edges, it’s not without it’s fair share of. snooty ass rich kids being assholes, which is whatever. turns out tho, some of those rich kids are from karnosea! so because yanyas as subtle as an airhorn, rumors about him not being human spread. guess who gets to deal with racist school peers all over again! yaaaay

it’s not totally bleak, though. at college yanya met jonavahn, neyla, pazzoch, and a bunch of the other rare-race scholarship kids and they all form their own little nestled group of friends :’>

soo because yanya’s fuckin shit at like, learning, he like, does kind of piss poor in all the actual study-centric classes lmfao. but! he’s fantastic at the physical side of things–he excels with playing instruments and melee fighting, because it’s less read-a-book-and-study and more muscle memory and physical training and practice, ofc. he just barely graduated bc getting half amazing grades and half shitty grades only balances out to so much, but dAMMIT HE DID IT

so when he graduates, he goes back home for a little bit. im sure while he was at college, he managed to visit his mums back at karnosea for a little bit on breaks, but. just the idea of going back to karnosea, just knowing that. it’s where ash was. it made it a lot harder in practice than it was in theory for him lmfao.

but being back home, getting to see him mums again! it makes him really happy! because his mums love him a lot !!! and love and support him a shit ton!! they’re so proud! look at their son that graduated from the artorian queen’s bard college! holy shit!!

yanya realizes sometimes that he takes his mums for granted.. they’ve always been there to makes him feel like everything’s ok. and they do a damn good job of it! 

 a fun fact! lershe, my old incompetence quest 1 character, is a half-orc monk–by the end of iq1, he became a lycanthrope (this was in dnd 3.5, so monks could still get infected by lycanthropy), and also a lvl 30 minor deity lmfao

lershe was separated from his dad, who was raising him on his own, at a v young age. at the end of iq1, lershe sought him out, found him again, and found out that he’d started a new family with a new wife! and tbh lershe met his mum in iq1 he could not be happier for his dad lmfao. but they have a daughter! so lershe has a little half-sister! and that little half-sister is resnerina!

because lycanthropes and kitsunes share a sort of similar ability in changing shape ya kno yeah, when yanya was a little kid, lershe was still “alive” as a mortal half-orc (lershe put off accepting that he was an immortal deity for a long time) and. was a big inspiration for yanya, naturally. these kids and people were giving him shit for being able to change shape into something that resembled an animal, but his uncle lershe can do it to, and HE’S a god!! so whatever!!

anyway so iq2 started off by all the characters running into each other in a little town in karnosea and some shit abt a cave off the outskirts of town getting ransacked by mercenaries or smth, idr

a little before then our DM said txeru and yanya were going to enter town together, and aria and karrina were going to enter town together, and we could come up w/ whatever reason why they’d end up together so txeru and yanya met first actually, just outside on town in a little tavern where they. probably got into a little scuffle just bc bar fights are fun. who cares. its fine. 

its ironic bc right now, in game, txeru and yanya are fucking pissed at each other! and its great. the drama is clearing my skin. my crops are prospering. 

basically txeru is a kasatha, an alien race not native to famia, and he’s come to famia trying to hide from two .. sort of alien police that’re after him for all the petty crimes he’s done. thing is, these two Very Specific alien cops are after him because. he kinda. was romantically involved with Both of them, one being his partner in crime and the other being of kasathan royalty–when he was backed into a corner and about to get caught he kind of ditched his partner and left the noble out high and dry so they’re both PISSED at him

they recently made their way to famia and found txeru, and after we TURNED TAIL AND RAN THE FUCK OFF from them, txeru explained his story

having his heart fucking shattered by ash, yanya kinda wasn’t super happy to find out txeru was a heart-shattering asshole himself! 

so he DECKED HIM IN THE FACE and hadn’t spoken a kind word to him in like, a week

NOW they’re talking, it’s just. every word they say to each other is some variant of “fuck you” and atm we’re waiting for a boiling point to hit to see if they’ll kiss and make up or if they’re just gonna have to hate each other! 8) im so excited

meanwhile this entire time, we’re level 10 right now. so half way to the capstone level 20. 

yanya still hasn’t formally revealed that he’s a kitsune to anyone in the group. but! as i said. the boy’s subtle as a brick thrown through a window. he’s slipped up enough times in his human disguise for just about everyone in the party to catch just a little something being off about him, but since most of the party is from artorias, away from the rarer races of karnosea, not everyone knows what a kitsune is

BUT we HAVE met a kitsune in game! madame fouxy (blame my dm for that name), but even then she only shifted from an actual fox shape to anthro fox shape, not to human shape. so they’re still unaware that kitsunes can even do that atm, meaning yanya’s ruse is hanging on by a thread lmfao

he’d just come out and say it bc he’s well aware everyone’s probably seen through him by now, but. it’s suppose to be a secret. knowing that everyone knows doesn’t make him wanna tell it, it makes him wanna convince everyone they’re wrong, even though they’re right, and he doesn’t like lying ,and if everyone’s already figured it out already, then he’s not doing a good job at keeping his own damn secrets, which freaks him out, and… etc

yanya’s favorite colors are red and blue, his favorite food is smoked rabbit, he’s 6′2″ flat on his heels in human shape, but he’s wearing stilettos bc he’s use to toe walking in fox-shape, which usually puts him up to about 6′4″, 6′5″..

he’s got a shit ton of muscle, and he eats a lot to keep up his energy! so he has his fair share of fat w a soft belly. he weighs probably anywhere from 250-300 bc im not good w weights lmfao

he has a total of.. 14 piercings, four on each ear, one on each eyebrow, two on his lips, one on his nose, and one on his tongue, almost all of which he got at the bard college lmfaoo

atm at level 10, he has 5 tails! only one spell-like ability from them, however, which is disguise self. 

he knows how to sew!

he has a fear of mirrors and heights.

it’s less a ‘fear’ and more. he doesn’t like looking at himself in the mirror, practically can’t stand it when he’s in human shape. seeing his human face all he can think is “liar, liar, liar” because that’s not his ‘real’ face. seeing his fox face he’s only reminded how much fewer people would rather see him this way. if he has to, he’ll much prefer looking at his fox face, however.

AND I THINK..THAT MAY JUST COVER IT..if it’s not everything it’s Pretty close, and if i come up w anything new ur probably gonna see me draw it at some point LMFAO

[suzyqrara]

4/3/2020

It is 2:46AM and I think I am mentally ready to allow GOD to lead me and Mason to our life’s journey.  I woke up at 1 AM and I thought about GOD.  I miss being a serving and active Christian.  I want to be a part of a community where I am acknowledged as a person and respected just because it is a nice thing to do.   I want to be involved in a community that does not judge me and wants to get to know me. I keep thinking about that Somerset church. The only reason why I keep thinking about them is because the Paster still comes to my house and asks for MAse and I to come back.. bit creepy but sweet.  The last time he came was this past summer actually.  I’ve only been there maybe 2 times and it was 3 years ago. I signed up to get info about the single families ministries in Oasis and this Sunday I will check out Worship Church in New Brunswick. I thought I wanted my 30s to be the “chronicles of ass” lol, tales of my booty call experiences. But I think that will be a complete waste of time for me. To keep going on these dates and make myself open to having sex just because they look do-able and not really giving a damn if we have chemistry. I know, its very stupid.  I never find someone Ihave chemistry with so thats why I ereased that completely out of the equation for the sake of experience.  I want experience so I know what I am doing in bed and someone will want to be in a relationship with me. That’s so stupid. If someone is in a relationship just because I give good sex, that would be the saddest thing in the world and super unfair to me since I have so much more to offer.  I would be committed to them and they would blind me from the man that would love me as I am.  Low libido and all. My libido has been super low.  I wrote what I would be doing to better explore myself and I haven’t even startedyet.  My last experience with a one night stand was just super disappointing. I understand that I want to have more sex so I can know what it is that everyone is so obsessed about.  But it is so risky.  For me to have sex with them just because I want to experience something I dont even know I will find.  I wanted to experience good sex and passion with someone.

 I 100% know I will be a wife one day.  I 100% know I will have an amazing husband and my heart will melt for him and his heart will melt for me.  I think having pointless sex will derail me from him completely. I’ll be wasting my time with losers, comit to another Marvin and miss out on my man since I wont be single.  I also know that my husband will love that I only had one partner. I think I am ready to stop online dating and find passion in Christ again. I fell in love with Jesus when I was 20 and he has been with me this whole decade of being lost. I always felt him but this whole want for a “normal” dating life has kept me from being with him.  I know that I don’t need to go to church to be with God.  God is with me now and he woke me up at 1 AM.  In fact I 100 % know that when I wake up this early in the night it is because he wants me up to pray.  

I don’t enjoy reading the bible on my own.  More then half of the time I don’t understand what it is talking about and that is why I really want to go to church because physically going to one will get me to little by little learn about the bible.  I am also a social person, even though I am introvert, I enjoy being around other people and I want to learn the bible by being with other people. The loneliness I feel everytime I go to a new church is worse then the dissatisfaction I feel after a akward or completely pointless date Ive had. I am happy to go to the church but I always felt a sense of sadness and loneliness coming out of it.  That feeling alone stops me from embarking another experience with another church. Being with Mason helps so much.  I feel less lonely walking out of it.  I have a feeling my husband is already walking with Christ and he is just waiting for me to get it together. I know that we wont meet until I am 100% on my own walking with Jesus.  Just thinking about it brings me comfort.  Ive been anxious for the last 2 weeks and I feel comfort knowing I am ready to pursue GOD again.  I feel so good knowing that I can care less about being sexually experienced at this age…at the moment… hopefully it will continue to tomorrow and on.   Searching for a relationship so Mason can have a male to look up too.  I am happy that Im in the space to stop that search and search for my relationship with GOD because God will 100% provide for Mason and I. It would be nice to have a male figure for Mason to look up too but he is thriving with just me taking care of him. He is super happy and he is such a good boy.  I was blessed with him because I don’t have to do much in raising him..just be there for him and with him.  I feel sad that Marvin doesn’t get to experience him but at the same time I feel so blessed that I have him pretty much to myself.

I am scared that I will watch one of the live streams from w/e church I pick and I will get bored.  I will watch it and then I wont feel like listening to the pastor speak again.  But I have to think of my journey with God as a journey in a new relationship.  When you feel a connection with someone and you agree to see each other again,  You go through a periods of getting to know them. I need to get to know god little by little. But Im saiying what if I begin the cycle of church hopping. I need to just have faith.  Its like exercise.  You know you need it but to start the habit is super hard because you don’t know if you will be motivated the next day to work out like you did the day before.  I am on and off with exercising but I still try even though it doesn’t feel good.  Once I make a habit of it and I start to see results that in itself will continue to motivate my drive.  Same thing with God.  I know I want a relationship with him again and open my heart up to him and his plan for me.  But to physically go to church is super hard just like working out on the first day. I am not sure if I will like the church and I dread the feeling of loneliness afterward.  But if God has set with me a church for weeks on end then I need to trust it and make a habit of going there.  Little by little I will feel his presences within me and I will feel that sweet feeling of meditation and comfort and that will be a motivator in itself.  I am thinking about a church with diversity.  I don’t want to go to an all black church, all white church, all Spanish church.  I will feel good if it is diverse with all types of backgrounds, ethnicities and cutures.  Im so over feeling like an outcast.  In an all white church I don’t feel like an outcast but church that are all white usually gives me a sense of stuck up and judgemental.    Ive felt the most lonely coming out of an all white church. They say hello but that’s it,nothing else. Spanish churches are wonderful and I feel a good connection but I don’t like to feel like an outcast when they have to translate what they are initially saying to me in English.  They have no problem doing it but Ive experienced too many times where they have an depth conversation about something and they begin to speak in spanish.  They cant translate it to me because they are having a moment of passionate expression.  They do explain to me afterward what it is they are talking about but it gives me a lonely feeling because I am not connecting with them during that moment of passion because I don’t understand them.  All black church is fine too but I feel like I stand out too much and that in itself is uncomfortable so I cant really relax as much as I would like to feel God in my heart and soul.  That’s why I want a church with all different types of ethnicities and backgrounds.   Oasis is and it is in NewBrunswick. Plus Oasis speaks to me because they have a single parent ministry and I really want to connect with other single parents so I don’t feel alone in that as well.