#less attractive. im begging you to try to lie to me about that.

[snekdood]

so tired of "cool kid" cliques bc the kids in it often aren't even cool, just assholes, and they're also usually boring as fuck w 0 talents besides maybe sportsball.

[azurlily]

can you PLEASE do a yumeko x Reader fanfic. I beg

STOP UR BEGGING IM HERE NOW!!!

Embarrassingly enough, I don't want to talk about why this took so long to get out here and make. I just didn't make it. I was honestly just putting this off for a while, sorry. Here y'all go, you hungry rats. There is a lil bit of sex stuff in here. Just a lil bit.

Yumeko x Fem!reader

Gambling For Your Heart

"Aw, come on this isn't fair, just one more round! Please, pretty please? Just once more, that's all and I promise I'll leave you alone!"

Across a semi-large gambling table stands a girl groaning at the one in front of her. Yumeko Jabami, one of the most infamous gamblers at the school is currently begging her fellow student to gamble with her.. again. For the fifth time today, and the seventeenth in the week...

Why? Why would she go through such great length to gamble with some girl? Is the student more important, richer than her, interesting to be around, a pro gambler maybe? No, the girl is none of these things, simply she is in one word:(and a word that Yumeko often uses to describe her) pretty.

While the girl herself might not think as much, Yumeko believes differently. Sure, there are plenty of 'pretty' people that have caught Yumekos eye. Many being girls, but this- this is different.

Yumeko can and will say it's simply her beauty, simply the smile she has when gambling, the look of eager concentration. Yumeko could lie all day and say those are her reasons for loving liking the girl. In reality it's something much less...shallow.

The two met about three months prior, there was a small gambling tournament among Yumekos friends for a.. small amount of money. This girl just so happen to be participating in said tournament. To Yumeko's dismay the girl was eliminated early, and Yumeko didn't get to gamble with her, she still took quite an interest in the girl.

A few days after the tournament, Yumeko challenged the girl. She simply wanted to see why she was eliminated so early. Interestingly enough, Yumeko couldn't find a reason as to why the girl was eliminated early. She was an amazing gambler and beat Yumeko on her first try! So why oh why did she lose against her previous opponent?

Yumeko wanted to know, she hadn't found something this exciting in so long! It had taken about two weeks for the girl to willingly gamble with her again. In Yumekos eyes: it was all worth it! Seeing the girl again, getting to talk to her during a heated gamble. It was perfect, something that Yumeko hadn't felt in a while.

It took a weeks of gambling back and forth between the two, weeks before Yukemo realized why she was so intrigued by the girl. This was a simple interest, this was more. Love? Maybe, but it was too early to call it that. Instead Yumeko stuff with a word she knew all to well: obsession. Yes, Yumeko Jabami was obsessed with her fellow classmate. Obsessed with her smile, her laugh, her pout, her face when she was tired, the look of bliss when she fell asleep.

There were only two ways to sate this need, the burning need inside her heart. One way was to gamble with you, gamble until you were hers and she could take you out. Date you properly. The second way was to "talk to you privately" and then fuck kiss you senseless. Or until you were will to let her date you, anything was an option with you. Yumeko knows shes beautiful, she knows she has a good body that attracts girls and guys. She can also see your attraction, and would use that to her advantage any day.

The girl sighs and asks Yumeko, the same question she always does. "Why are you so damn infatuated with me?"

And Yumeko will answer in the same adorably innocent way: "You're simply just too pretty to not be around!"

When in reality Yumeko wishes to answer with, "You make me smile in a way very few have before. It's a feat almost no one has accomplished, so please date me! Then I can make you smile the same way."

It's cheesey, and embarrassing, and not something she'd ever thought in her entire life. Yumeko is naturally a straightforward person, yes, she has ulterior motives sometimes. Although that doesn't change how she feels in any way.

Yumeko smiles and asks once more, "Can we please gamble again? If I win, I get to take you on a date!"

And once again the girl groans, knowing one day Yuemko will win. One day she'll accept her date, one day her own feelings can spill. One day the two can be together, one day they'll finally get over their fear of loving the other.

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 3

Had a rough week so far, I am looking forward to this episode ♡

HIIIIII INTREPID HEROES

NAT 20

please bring ayda back this episode (begging) (I know it won't happen. but I'm desperate)

ZELDA AND GORGUG BREAK UP CONFIRMED.....

I am experiencing so much gender envy from literally everyone at the table.

The art team really pulled out all the stops for this season. The dome backdrop is so good

THIRTY INVESTIGATION?!!!??!

"Of course you and Adaine, of course, are... Nerds."

"Not ideal for the bad kids" oh no.

Lone Wolf Bloodrush player. That's oc material fr

"I like getting friends cast on me so I willingly fail" fig becomes more and more relatable every episode

"IT'S 10 AND I GIVE YOU THE HELP ACTION"

LYDIA!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

LYDIA MADE THEM LUNCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THE EMO SONG 😭😭😭

It just says "Hey Adaine" on the inside 😭😭

Cloaca.....

how many binders do the Thistlesprings have

"Can I Run From You?"

Just Breathe

CHLOE SHORT FOR CLOACA

I love the casual conversation they have

TWO GLASSES OF MILK

"I'll walk you to Bard class" fig probably won't be staying 😭

NEW LUNCH LAD!!!!!

I hope Fig's luck issue gets resolved soon 😭

MAZEY IS SO PRETTY

Grix...??

THE PARROTS.....

omg mazey x fabian?!!?!?!????!?!?!!?!

A SECRET CLOACA WITH A GUN??

Jawbone is so filled with dad lore

Kristen class president is something I need

21 passive investigation is insane

"What are you, like 4 different dogs?"

Passive Aggressive Kristen is so good.

Ghost steaks 🔥

FABIAN FLIRTING

"You're looking at a party boy" oh fabian....

I think Kristen working to be class president will convince her to. Go to school and work on getting better at it

Gilear 😢 I miss my pathetic wet cat of a man

fig writer's block so relatable

Stressed Riz

WANDA CHILDA

HEYYYYYY GIRLIE

I miss Ayda

Porter is kinda.... ♡

Why is everyone so attractive why must I be attracted to all the adults. im supposed to have a type

"I'm going into a worry, yeah"

Fig taking Fabian to the wizard class instead of bard class is so real

TERPSICHORE SKULLCLEAVER!!!!!! she looks like she bakes incredible cookies. I can't dance but I want to be in her class

THIRTY-ONE????????? PERFORMANCE

Dance bard class is so cool

From Jock to Arsty kid, I love Fabian's character development so much

"I'm going to do a lot less partying" a full lie from Fabian

I need more Riz and Jawbone one on ones

KRISTEN CHILLIS APPLEBEES 😭😭😭😭

oh no the Applebees fam are here oh no...

Ripped Kristen approaching her parents.....

oh no. oh no. oh no.

Not good what is going on with Cassandra

MAKE HER OWN PEOPLE TO TALK TO?!!!??!???!??!?? WHAT???????? WHAT WHAT WHAT????

ALLY IS SO CASUAL WITH NAT 20S 😭

HE'S A LITTLE PALADIN....

BYE GIRLIE

RIZ HAS A BACKUP TIE

why is sorcery so expensive

SHE'S NOT GOING TO TELL JAWBONE 😭

oh god Wanda Childa....

"what smell would be enticing to emo kids" 😭😭😭

"Did you just come from a room full of cigarettes and peach schnapps" "you mean breakfast?"

I wanda'd in

NOT ALL WHO WANDA ARE LOST

SITTING OUTSIDE AND LISTENING TO BARD CLASS

watching Kristen deal with school and stuff and deal with Cassandra makes me slightly uncomfortable. not in a bad way but in a way that I relate to it a bit too much and it's a bit too real. i too had extreme trouble with school and I also have issues with pushing important people away when trying to focus on myself and it ruins a lot of my relations. I relate to Kristen too much in the worst ways and that hits closer to home than I like. I love Kristen but man. Too close

"Things can be bad, and things can be good, but they all can be true."

I worry about Kristen going to Cassandra's realm. I am going into a worry. I have bad feeling.

the sound design is so good

GENTLE SOBBING.... OH NO. OH NO.

"I can't rely on you." OUCH.

she already found somebody????

KALINA!?!?!?! !!??!?!?!!!???!??!!??!!???!!???!?? HUHHHHH?!!??!!

IT'S LEAVING IT OFF WITH THAT?????? WHAT THE FUCK???????? WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????????? WHAT?????

[prettyboykatsuki]

cw ;; deku in love w u, cheating (kinda..? u break up w him over the phone like. right before), oral (f!recieving), fem reader, 

hey guys i can’t stop thinking about deku who hates the guy you’re seeing so this is coming out of me..

i really just. i bet it’s hard for deku not to like someone. after all - he puts up with bkg even now, as much of a brat as he is. deku was raised with a mother and is a patient man. when he saves people - victims, and they cry and kick and scream, he doesn’t even get upset. it’s hard to push his buttons - calm and collected and a nervous wreck but not angry. never angry. never raises his voice. 

even his anger has a patience to it - and you think that’s a feat. you’ve only seen him get really mad before once, in a fight. it’s icy, that kind of seething feeling. its an anger for justice and it’s a quality you admire in him. you wish that you had the emotional intelligence to feel your feelings how he does. you like that about him. 

you wouldn’t call deku your best friend. but he’s a good friend, a really good friend. maybe someone you pined after in highschool - maybe even before than. you’ve always admired him but somewhere along the way you two became friends, enough so that it’s weird for you now. you couldn’t possible admit your attraction so with a heavy heart, you keep him at arms legnth. he knows you well but you tell yourself that’s how he is with everyone. it’s deku. 

now adults and with lives to live separately - you go into your field of choice and deku becomes a pro. you see him less and less but he makes time for you. again - it’s just something you do. you appreciate that he cares enought about you to do so. and it’s not like you have any idea that his friends only hear from him half the time you do. you don’t think anything of it, and you shake off the thoughts of him that haunt you when you’re awake in the middle of the night 

the kind of thoughts that having you sticking a hand in your shorts - saying you’ll sleep right after. you try. and fail. but normally after you’re too tired to dwell. it happens for a while. 

maybe you’re just frustrated. that’s so possible. it’s hard for you to get out these days - you’re lonely. you’re sure. 

it takes no time at all for you to download tinder in shame. sitting with wine and a your phone - you scroll and scroll and land on somebody named nakamura and he seems so nice. he is nice to you - charming and witty. handsome and a nice build. a good job. stable. 

you get to talking an in no time at all you have a date. and a week passes and you go on the date and it’s good - not perfect but not bad. you think to yourself there’s something off about him, arrogant but you look past it. you sleep with him and it’s just okay. and it doesn’t get rid of deku in your dreams, caressing you in your sleep. you have a wet dream.. you didn’t even know you could have those. 

but you decide to see it through - for so long you date this man for almost half a year. he’s not perfect but what relationships are, really? he treats you okay though you wish he would pay a bit more attention. he spoils you with lavish gifts and nice dinners but you’d rather just hang out on the weekend and - 

you see it through. and he meets your friends and they hate him but you tell them they don’t get it. eventually you get around to deku and you don’t think twice about the encounter until it happens. 

just a dinner with a few from your highschool group - uraraka and todoroki and iida. and you can feel it off of deku - you can see that ice that you haven’t seen in so long. he’s being ncie but there’s more to it. it’d be undetectable to anyone who doesn’t know him, like your new boyfriend. but to you it’s obvious. 

you don’t say anything to your boyfriend. but you decide to be with deku alone the next day - ask if he’s free. at the end of the day you still care about deku.. you care so much. so you meet up the next day for lunch and he looks.. off. distant. there but not. 

“izuku.. what’s up with you?,” 

he gives you a painful sigh. he seems sad.. seems frustrated about something. a little strain in his voice. 

“you know i always respect you and your choices. i’ll always support you but.. i just don’t think that guys good for you,” 

you feel defensive. you are defensive. 

“you don’t even know him..’zuku. he’s a nice guy,” 

he sighs, attaches your name in a disappointed voice. it makes your heartache. 

“i don’t understand it. not at all,” 

“you don’t need too,” 

you’re about to cut the lunch short, standing up and getting read to leave but deku pulls you back to your seat. he looks at you, strained. upset. 

“just. be honest. why? it’s not like you,” 

you can’t help but be honest with him. it’s so hard for you to lie so you don’t. you swallow something in your throat 

“im.. i was trying to get over someone,” 

he looks surprised. 

“... who..? did it.. did it work?” 

“it doesn’t matter,” 

everything stops. and there’s something in his eyes again. the only thing deku is selfish in is you - the only weakness he’s ever felt. and in the moment he can feel it, all those feelings he can’t seem to break free from. 

“who,” 

“damn it, izuku - it’s you! it’s.. it’s you,” 

and that’s how it all happens - why you called your boyfriend in the middle of the afternoon after pulling into a hotel with deku behind you. his hands on your waist, voice in your ear. 

“tell him you’re breaking up with him,’ ― a soft whisper in your ear ― “for me.. go on,” 

and you don’t have much of a choice when deku’s mouth in your skin. you can barely surpress a moan as he kiss your spine, licks up your neck with something inside of him. he gets you undressed and your phone is tossed and forgotten about. and whatever plans you had for the day disappear too. 

instead deku fulfills those nasty little dreams you had. something about his touch makes you confess things you’d never dream. with every word, he moans a little. so into you. you think he gets off on how much you like him - think that’s why his cock twitches when it pushes against your thighs. he begs you tell him all the details. he wants to hear every detail from your mouth. 

he makes you. he makes you. with his tongue lapping at your clit and your orgasm in the center of his palms. with your toes curling and your body weak 

“tell me where i touched you. i’ll do it. whatever you want. just tell me,” 

he does. he touches you everywhere and asks if thats what you wanted. does it feel good? where do you need him? he has the nerve to eat you out until your toes curl and you drool and hold you down, your hips pinned to the bed as he moans into your cunt with a sweetness. calloused palms holding you down. 

you’re not surprised that he fucks you within an inch of your life. his dick is so fucking big but you’re so wet it fits right in. and he fucks you - bounces you up and down on his lap.  using your pussy like a fleshlight with the sheer force but he’s whispering in your ears. 

“you’re so pretty. take it so well. im gonna take care of you. im gonna make you feel so good” over and over on repetition. he’s making a mess out of you, melting into a puddle as you cum over and over. it’s about you and only you. that’s enough to make you feel frenzied. when he’s close - you beg him to cum inside and he groans, burying your neck and finishing inside. 

after it’s all said and done, deku cleans you up. kisses you sweetly and tells you how much he likes you. your voice is hoarse but all u do is laugh. 

“you really didn’t like him.. couldn’t even wait an hour,” 

he blushes a little. 

“... can’t say i did,”

[jayankles]

Mommy, Daddy, and their Baby Girl

Summary: Y/N been a bad girl, Jared has set out to punish her but gets too caught up in his own pleasure, Gen’s there to even the playing field to be the one in charge.

Request: can you do a Jared x reader x Genevieve where she’s a bit younger than them and she has a mommy and daddy kink please 

Word Count: 1167

Written for: @spnkinkbingo | @anyfandomgoesbingo | @supernatural-jackles | @badbitchesbingo | @anyfandomkinkbingo

Squares Filled: Switch | writers choice au | threesome | masturbation | daddy kink

Also for @becs-bunker 

Kinktober Day 31: Dealer’s choice

“Please, Daddy?” You say softly, biting into your lower lip before pouting at him. “I’ve been a good girl for you and mommy. Please?”

Jared can’t help the quiet yet harsh grunt that leaves his throat, it’s something in the sweet and innocent act that you put on that makes him almost collapse as you fall to your knees, he would do whatever his baby girl wants. But then he remembers who is in charge. (Most definitely his wife, but we will divulge that scenario another time.) On the other hand though, he wouldn’t just be giving you what you want; he would also be getting what he wanted and he would be giving his wife a little show - or a snack if she chose to.

It’s the clink of his wedding ring against his belt that attracts your eyes to below his waistline. You are not disappointed when you see how hard Jared is in his pants, his cock tightened in the constraints of his stupid clothing. 

“Should Daddy give his baby girl what she wants?” His touch against your cheek sends a shiver rippling down your spine. “How badly does she want her Daddy?”

Before you have the opportunity to speak, though, Jared presses his thumb against your bottom lip, pushing it past your lips when he sees you open your mouth to him. “Such a good girl for Daddy. Good little slut.”

He doesn’t let you enjoy the feeling of your mouth against his thumb much longer as he pulls it away. You whine, sitting back on your haunches in a silent disobedient manner. He doesn’t doesn’t pick up on it though. His hands were too busy fumbling with the button on his pants. But she does. She stands there, leaning against the door with her hands on her hip and she watches the two of them together. It’s not jealousy, oh dear, no. She likes the thrill of walking in, catching them in the middle of their sexual escapades. Genevieve likes it so much that no matter how mad she is at the two of them starting without her, she can’t help how her body just reacts to them. How wet her pussy gets as she watches her baby girl pine over her husband. Gen thinks about all the ways that she is going to punish the little girl, and maybe even her husband while she’s at it. She grabs the attention of the both of them when she tuts at their display.

Gen shakes her head at the pair of them, even though Jared thinks he’s in charge she knows that she has Jared wrapped around her finger and she knows she has you worshipping the ground that she walks on. Gen pushes himself from the wall and strolls over to the pair.

“Go lay on the bed, little girl.” Genevieve says, barely above a whisper. Her voice is silky smooth, but you know that you are in for a punishment for not listening to her direct order. She asked you for one thing, don’t touch her pussy. You couldn’t help it when you just thought about her.

“Yes, Mommy.” You say, trying to get up as seductively as possible. Maybe it’s working by the way you catch Jared’s cock twitch in his pants.

“On the bed, too, Mister. You’ve been a bad boy.” Gen shoves Jared on the end of the bed, his legs wide open and hand rubbing against his painfully swollen cock. It’s that moment when you know that Jared is no longer in charge; it’s so much easier to have Daddy give you what you want but with Genevieve? You are screwed, you are hers; body, mind, and soul. Genevieve doesn’t waste any time shoving your legs open, your soaking wet cunt, bare for her eyes and her husbands. You expect her fingers to swipe through your folds but she shocks you with a strike of her palm against your clit. Screaming at the surprise, your body lurches forward at the thwacking sound. “You see this pretty little pussy? This is Mommy’s pussy. The little girl or Daddy doesn’t tough this pussy. Unless. I. Say.”

She accentuates her last three words with a slap. Your pussy now throbbing from both pain and pleasure, you clench around emptiness, nothing to fill you with yet but the silent begging that you are doing with your eyes and the rolling of your hips doesn’t deter Gen’s stoic annoyance. 

“Take off your clothes, baby.” She coos, stripping herself from her jacket, loosening her blouse buttons and letting it hang off her body, taunting you with her exposed torso and perfect tits covered with her favourite bra. “You too, Daddy. You’re going to sit there until you’ve learned your lesson.”

Immediately, you obey her orders, pulling off your tee shirt - the only remaining article of clothing, opening up yourself for her as you lie back on the pillows at the top of the bed, your hands resting behind your back. 

“Oh, Jared?” She waits for him to look at her fully, eyes less glossed over but still edging with lust. “Don’t come. Don’t touch yourself. Just watch.”

Synchronically, you and Jared moan - although his moan is more of a whine, deep and low in his throat. You know she isn’t going to take it easy on you. You know as you watch the smirk grow wide on her face and Jared can sense that whatever Gen has in mind that it will be for her pleasure and no one else's until she says so, lust and longing washes over him. He can’t help but want to touch himself, especially if his wife was the one calling the shots and their baby girl was only now obeying Gen’s orders after touching herself.

The beautiful brunette stands their nudes before you and you can’t help your eyes as they follow the trail from her hair, hovering between her eyes and her lips before moving on to her supple breasts.

“You like what you see, baby.” She stops your ogling before you move on to her heated core, Jared admiring the way her hips move as she slowly stalks her way to you, quickly stroking his cock before she has a chance to turn around and face him.

“Yes, mommy. You’re so beautiful” You lick at your lips, clenching your lower walls around nothing once more. You wanted her or Jared to fill you up and fuck you so bad.  “I just thought of you and I just couldn’t help myself, my p- your pussy was so wet for you. My body is ready to take anything. I just want to please you, Mommy.”

She crawls up the bed, pulling at the back of your neck, pressing her lips to your in a deep, forceful kiss. She allows you to enjoy it for a whole minute before she pulls away and spanks at your wet pussy

“Good, baby, good. I hope you are hungry, little girl.”

I was thinking of turning this into a series? Let me know your thoughts?

Forevers: @super100012 @lupine-princess @plaid-lover-bay25 @atc74 @growningupgeek @sophiebobzz @docharleythegeekqueen @grace-for-sale @mrswhozeewhatsis @jesspfly @supernaturallymarvellous @sammysgirl1997 @roxyspearing @mogaruke @be-amaziing @deanandsamsbitch @frankiea1998 @hennessy0274-blog @iwantthedean @capsheadquaters @emoryhemsworth @notmoose45 @essie1876 @cassieraider @brewsthespirit-blog @its-my-perky-nipples @riversong-sam @jotink78 @captainradicalpassion @jadalecki-jackles-blog @spnbaby-67 @holyfuckloueh @gh0stgurl @alyssa6marie @esoltis280  @alexwinchester23 @x-waywardaf-x @randomparanoid @kellianz @lyarr24

jared: @im-turnip @deans-baby-momma @shamelesslydean @sandlee44 @smoothdogsgirl @plaidstiel-wormstache  @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

[tarithenurse]

Nightingale - 47

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Hatake Kakashi &/x Fem!OC Contents: One big mix of smut, fluff, angst, unrealistic handling of PTSD, past trauma, feels, and much more...like lack of proofing, probably. Can’t remember. A/N: Blame @maladaptive-ninja-returns​ for any pain and frustration (of any kind) this chapter might cause. ASK or REBLOG for tag! HUUUGE thanks to all who are reblogging already <3

Ch. 47

“Are you sure, you want to do this?”

“…yes.”

“That didn’t sound convincing.”

“Would you just shut up and let me go?”

“...now that’s more like it.”

Kakashi can barely see the eye roll under the shaggy hair and wide-rimmed hat, but he knows it’s there. He knows all of her is under there. Somewhere. There’s a beard in the way too, and a several worn layers of baggy clothes in neutral colours that do absolutely nothing to call for attention.

The thing about disguises worn in public is not as much to look different as it is to not be worth looking at – plain and boring without any details that can be remembered later so that if any civilian does try to describe what they saw, it’ll be too generic to be useful.

“Asuma keeps saying this kid is good,” Uguïsu straightens her back for one last time before stepping out of the borrowed office, “let’s see how good,” as she speaks the last bit, her voice warps into that of an old man reminiscent of the Hokage though without being a perfect echo, “now lead the way, boy.”

Hrm…maybe she’s enjoying this too much. Still, Kakashi obliges and leads what appears to be an old man out of the front door of their home and towards downtown Konoha.

It’s busier than usual. Although summer always brings a plethora of travellers and farmers to town (which in turn attracts merchants busy to strike a deal or in search of added muscle for the trip back), the upcoming events seem to have contributed the most to the swarming people. Knowing of his girlfriend’s predicament, the jōnin finds it hard to part ways with her and carry on alone. She’s resourceful and talented, he admonishes himself, but still worries if perhaps it was a mistake to have let Asuma ask her for help. Either way, it’s too late to go back now and he must attend to his own tasks if Team 7 is going to take the exams.

…

The fish sizzles decadently on the pan, yellow butter popping as herbs and spring onions change colour from the mat tones to more vibrant and inviting. The rice is already done and shaped (holding the heat under overturned bowls), and the soup is only waiting to be served.

Come on.

As if on cue, the door slides open and a figure steps in mid-metamorphosis: a short, scruffy beard is clutched together with thin gloves; blue strand spill out from under the hat and wig that are slipping askew.

“That was fun,” Uguïsu beams and shuts the door, “and it smells delicious here!”

Headbutting the hat further towards her back, Kakashi kisses her with a smile. “Good to hear. I’m told it went well?”

There’s a sigh from within the layers of clothes that the woman is discarding, “why do you make it sound like a question when you probably already know all the details?”

“Because I’d much rather hear you talk about it, sweetie.”

“Hrm.” Despite the distrustful grunt, it’s a happy face that greet him once she’s back to her normal appearance. “Not before I get something of whatever smells so delicious.”

Kakashi had fairly quickly figured out that his blue nightingale wasn’t a cook – not that she’s bad, but she simply doesn’t have a great interest in it – and had grasped the opportunity to take the so-called task upon himself in exchange for her delightful praises. He liked cooking for some one other than himself; enjoyed knowing that in this way, at least, he could take care of her.

…

“I’m glad they did well,” Uguïsu sighs as she adjust her pillow.

Together, the couple had cleaned after dinner, exchanging stories and gossip from the day interspersed with comfortable silences, and they are now getting ready to get a night’s good rest.

First in bed, the woman waits (im)patiently for the white-haired man and even goes as far as to make grabby hands the moment he returns from brushing his teeth.

“Silly-head,” he whispers through the kisses against her cheek before pulling the mask back in place.

“Says you.”

And he does indeed feel silly when scooting closer. Taking up the usual place by his left side, Uguïsu’s head comes to rest above his heart, her leg casually draped over his, and the left hand idly toying with the string of his pyjama pants. Wrapping his own arm around her, Kakashi feels bare skin wherever his fingertips wander.

Time has passed since the night in the cave, time where Uguïsu timidly has begun to explore each of their bodies out of her own free will. Sometimes, she has let Kakashi’s hands or tongue bring her to the peak of delight and each time, he has marvelled at her as she writhed in silent ecstasy. Those occasions have been far in between.

“Sweetheart…” his voice is weak at the revelation, “are you...do you want me to…?”

The big eyes almost look innocent. “Don’t you think it would be nice to be able to feel each other?”

Yes, I do! With the voice now completely gone, all he can do is nod which his girlfriend takes as a sign that she may begin working the clothes off him although the process is hampered by increasingly needy kisses.

Skin to skin, Kakashi revels in the intimacy his blue nightingale grants him and he can feel the smile that grants his tongue further access; can sense how their bodies shift as if they could melt together. All of his senses are taken over by cotton and sweet, sweet hunger for more as their hands roam in search of purchase.

“Considering how great a day you’ve had,” he hums against the woman’s neck, “a reward could be appropriate?”

Hearing no coherent words, he takes the tug of his hair and the happy mewl as a sign of agreement and follows between her legs as Uguïsu rolls onto her back.

Only a single lamp next to the bed illuminates the room, but for Kakashi's keen eyes, he can easily see the anticipation glistening between the folds, making his mouth water and cock throb...but he takes his time highlighting his favourite paths along her body and limbs with goosebumps before finally and ever so lightly flicking the clit with the tip of his tongue before committing fully to the goal.

He loves this part. What originally had been hesitation for the sake of helping Uguïsu feel safe in spite of her trauma has evolved into a gleeful delight in slowly teasing the woman by winding her up, balancing her on the edge of an orgasm again and again until she’s writhing and begging him.

Hushed moans and whimpers fill the room in waves in accordance to the jōnin's ministrations, and he is considering letting her reach the goal this time (the fourth) when Uguïsu’s fingers tug at his hair insistently until he has crawled close enough to find her mouth.

“Please...’Kashi...” she gasps, “m-more.”

She’s pulling him by the shoulders now and has wrapped her legs around his hips, nudging him gently with the heels until his cock head brushes against the slobbering mess of her pussy.

It would be a lie to claim that the baser instinct aren’t urging him to slide in without a question asked. But he can’t. Apprehension and concern keep him frozen as he scrutinizes the face beneath him for any sign of insecurity.

“Sweetheart...” he swallows hard, steeling himself against his girlfriends attempts to move his body, “please look at me.” Lashes flutter. Her nose wriggles adorably in an attempt, maybe, to help her focus. “I do not want to push you,” Kakashi intonates carefully.

Uguïsu is still out of breath and her chest is heaving, brushing her breasts again him. “You’re not.”

He gives in to the kiss, allowing her to relieve some of the tension of the moment and almost getting lost in the languid desperation before pulling back again. “I love you.” Another deep, but gentler kiss. “I’ll do anything you want.” This time he pulls away from her lips to catch her gaze. “But I need to know you’re sure.”

And there it is: the evasive eyes as she bites into her bottom lip and almost almost distracts him. However, next second Uguïsu fixes her full attention on him again. Then she twists, reaching under the matres to retrieve something in a flat foil-wrapper. She’s prepared for this step.

“I’m sure, ‘Kashi.” Her voice is strong even if it’s still a bit frazzled from the sounds of pleasure he had been drawing from her moments ago. “I want...it. Please, help me know that...that it can feel as good as my body is telling me when I’m with you...and d-don’t let...don’t let him keep that part...”

Going against every single law of nature, Kakashi's heart both breaks and swells, leaving a throbbing crater behind in his chest that overflows with admiration and fear.

Fear. Until this woman appeared from the shadows, fear had only existed in his life in the memories of his childhood – distant and unchangeable, and safe due to its static nature. But in less than a year, Uguïsu has managed to shake his understanding of...well, of everything. She has made him irrationally afraid; brought him a love so tender, he feels like drowning (without wanting to fight it); and has helped him come to an understanding he didn’t know he was lacking.

His hands tremble as he rolls on the condom before wrapping his arms around her. “If you change your mind”, his words are swallowed in the kiss, “you just stop, ‘kay?”

Already, Uguïsu is nudging for his hips to move but halts long enough to cup his face and promise him.

Her last word transcends into a squeak as Kakashi rolls them over, planting the woman he adores on top to ensure that she is the one to control the pace...and guarantee that she can retreat without hesitation if needed. A flash memory from a cave shielding them from a thunderstorm rears in the back of his mind but is immediately banish as she rolls her hips, dragging heat along the underside of his cock and making his eyes roll back.

“Oh?” He can hear her smile and fights to bring her face into focus.

Strong fingers are wringing the sheets beneath him in an attempt to prevent them from thrusting up. It’s a good thing too: extending the motion, her clit rubs the crown of his cock again, sending a new wave of fire through every muscle of him only to be countered by a weightless anticipation when Uguïsu lingers with the cock head by the entrance to her core.

And now she’s the one to tease him until he can’t hold back the stuttering of his hips and she lifts just a bit to position herself better above him and...

...and...? Kakashi looks up to see furrowed brows. “If you don’t -”

“I do,” she interrupts decisively before relapsing to worrying on the lip for a second. “It’s just...how...? I mean...it’s big a-and...I don’t know...if...” she trails off.

Reaching up to kiss her, the white-haired man can’t help but smile. “Take it slow. A bit at a time before pulling back a bit.” A last kiss before he lies down. “Do what feels right to you.”

Oh holy fucking shit! He manages to strangle the words with a groan as Uguïsu sinks down, enveloping the head before stopping with a gasp.

She looks so beautiful. He could compliment her in a million other ways but it’s carnal thoughts that win as Kakashi sees her back arch and breasts heave from the quivering moan that escapes. Her hair is spilling around the shoulders (well, entire upper body) as a silken veil, granting her an ethereal quality together with the sheen of sweat that shines golden in the lamp light.

For a moment she smiles down at him, hands reach for his, and only when their fingers are intertwined does she move again. Slowly up. Just as slowly down. Her mouth hangs open to allow small whimpers escape – sounds that grow when she reaches a certain spot that Kakashi has acquainted his fingers with before and never fails to have her eyes rolling. This time he can’t see that, as he face is scrunching up with concentration and the overwhelming sensation. And emotions. With a final sigh, she sinks down fully on his cock.

That’s when he sees it. The realization crashes like an ice-cold boulder into his guts and he doesn’t stop himself from sitting up to wrap her in his arms.

Tears are streaking Uguïsu’s face, adding salty water to the kisses he peppers her with while he frantically promises her they can stop, that she’s okay, that he never should have said yes, and much more...or he would have if she hadn’t stopped him.

“Happy tears, ‘Kashi, happy tears.” And she is indeed smiling so bright that her eyes almost disappear.

In awe, the more-than-confused man allows her to push him back, place his hands on her thighs, and guide her slow, bouncing motion into a rhythm that chases worries away.

Not yet not yet notyetnotyetnotohfuckinghellnotyet!

It becomes a mantra, played on loop in his brain as his body screams to chase release. His hips are nearly vibrating, lighting fizzling at the edge of his vision while he tries to contain the flood. And when the scalding heat tightens in rapid spasms, the gorgeous woman spilling a broken moan in spite of the rigid body? Let Orochimaru be gone forever, Kakashi manages to think and it grounds him enough to avoid toppling over the edge with his love.

Uguïsu is gasping for breath on her way back to the present, slumping onto the jōnin and enveloping him in her scent of cotton and fresh sweat. “I...had no...no idea...wow!” A moment passes where he strokes her back and kisses the top of her head, then she looks at him, “wait...did you...?”

“This is about you, love,” he smiles, but give me a few bounces and I could.

“And I thank you for that.” He knows she does. “And I want to feel that I can give myself over and that it’ll be good. Together with you,” Uguïsu concludes.

The meaning is clear: being in control is fine and safe but she wants to defeat the lingering fears in the ultimate trust exercise.

He should argue – Kakashi is already mentally preparing every argument – but is prevented from it when the woman rolls them 180 degrees and the movement makes her core squeeze him deliciously. The tightness. The motion. It diverts all of his blood to his groin and makes the hips roll so he’s pushing deeper than ever before and his mind blanks out for a split second until a whimper brings the horrible realization crashing down.

“Fuck!” His eyes snap open and the word slips out again, although with a different intonation, at the sight of Uguïsu’s blissed out facial expression.

Blinking, she looks up at him and he can see the exact instant she hatches a plan because a smirk blooms, twisting those pretty lips. “Please show me...teach me how delicious it is,” she purrs before short-circuiting his brain once more with “sensei.”

Slow drags through Uguïsu's heat fills the room with subtle squelching from where his cock is swallowed, their gasping breaths and moans (sometimes a hiss from Kakashi when nails dig into his back and drag red lines). He really does try to restrain himself...but it’s lost the moment the woman begins to chase a new high, meeting each thrust of her own volition and punctuating them with whimpers pulled from her chest.

Her chest...her breasts. Catching a nipple in the mouth, he barely registers the dark pattern right above it – and if he had, the only thought right night would be along the lines of: you’ve lost, snake – because the effect is astonishing. Arching, undulating, the wetness sucking his cock as deep as it can, Uguïsu cums beneath him and the white-haired man can’t hold back his own orgasm any longer but snaps his hips one last time as their lips meet.

It takes time before either of them can talk (let alone move) again, but that’s alright because words aren’t necessary any longer.

[ch4nb4ng]

[1:05]

the look on his face and in eyes was indescribable. It was the softest, most peaceful look you had ever seen. Letting his finger travel through the maze of your dishevelled hair, opening his lips, letting his eyes close as they brushed against your neck, a fire igniting deep in your flesh.

“y/n,” felix whispered, wrapping his arms around your torso. You had reached this point before, but things usually came to a halt. He was always nervous and hesitant. Felix knew you were experienced. you knew what you were doing, he didn’t. Quickly withdrawing his hands, a lash of concern covered your features. You brought a hand to the heated flesh on his cheeks.

“Of course, like i always say, I want you to be comfortable and there is no rush.”

your lips brushed across your skin, sending a shiver down his spine. Giving you one last kiss, he began to panic. Unsure what to do, his eyes widened, pressing a finger to your lips.

“felix what are you-”

“I want more.”

Moving closer, you could feel his body becoming tense underneath you. Foreheads touching, he sucked in and swallowed a breath.

“I. Want. More.”

he wanted to laugh. Hide himself. his embarrassment was at its peak. Your hand still stuck on his cheek, you began to move your thumb, gently brushing across his skin once more.

“are you sure,” you questioned once more. Unlocking your legs, you laid him down, grabbing his arms and placing them on yours sides, letting him sink into the mattress, “because once we start, I won't be able to control myself.”

your words made him terrified. He had never heard you be so direct and demanding. It was scary, yet the arousal inside of him began to stir. Saying nothing, you reconnected your lips, letting his hands explore your body as the heat in the room continued to increase. Sucking on his bottom lip, you smiled against him, hearing the faint vocal of your name passing from his lips. Disconnecting from you, he sat up, ripping off his shirt. Mesmerised by his slim but well toned figure, you paused, placing your hands on his chest. Bringing your lips to his jaw, you smiled against him, enjoying his little coos at the foreign feeling he was experiencing. Starting to leave a trail to his ear, passing his neck and down to his chest, you paused, Felix’s grip suddenly on your shoulder. you could feel it. It was a touch of concern, he looked clouded.

“Is something wrong?”

“i don't know what i'm doing,” he blurted out, soon covering his face. Sympathy filled you, heart feeling heavy. You knew he was unsure, but it didn’t bother you.

“i just,” he paused, running a frustrated hand through his scalp. you could see the hundreds of scattered thoughts travelling around his brain at a speed that was beginning to overwhelm him. Slipping out from underneath him, you rushed to him from behind, pulling him into a warm embrace. Resting your head on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his delicate torso, your heart beamed, feeling his cheeks turn upwards from the smile covering his face.

“Felix do you trust me?”

“Of course i d-”

“Then lie down for me okay?”

You were now on top, hovering over him. You could feel all the muscles in his body begin to relax. You knew what he was trying to say, he just didn’t know how to. Unbuttoning your shirt, felix gasped, noticing nothing on underneath. He looked away, feeling guilty, like his mom caught him doing something he shouldn’t. It made you giggle, he really was the purest boy you knew.

“Felix it’s okay,” you whispered, “do you want to touch them?”

His gaze slowly began to linger back to you, making him blush. He was too sweet for his own good.Grabbing his wrist, you opened his palm, giving each a small peck.

“May I?”

He nodded, placing them on each breast. A muffled groan escaped your lips. You didn’t want to scare him. He was still getting used to this. You wanted him to take his time. Pressing your body against him, he groaned, the feeling of your chest pressed up against him was making him hard. You could feel it against your thigh, a sharp exhale leaving your body. Felix’s eyes softly shut, getting used to the feeling of your lips down his neck. Hands roaming up and down his chest, you smiled, starstruck by the little things that made him go crazy. He grabbed the back of your head, pushing his lips back against yours. You could feel his hips, instinctively pushing up into you, making your giggle. “So eager,” you whispered against his lips. You were controlling every fibre in your body to hold yourself back. Felix was so attractive, you just wanted to jump him. There were so many ways you thought about taking him, the fantasies were sometimes all you thought about. But you pushed your selfishness to the side for the moment.

“y/n,” he panted, out of breath from the heating temperature of your lips on his.

“Tell me what you want baby,” you whispered, creeping down his body, leaving a wet trail on every inch of his exposed skin. You took his hands, vigorously tangling them through your hair as a sign of approval. Lips hitting the waistband of his sweatpants, he looked up at you. His Nerves still present, but less intense. They were beginning to dissipate.

“I want you to, to, to-”

“What is it baby,” you cooed, softly placing a hand over his aching member. You could feel the pulsation coming from his veins. He was becoming desperate for your touch, unraveling right in front of you. Lust radiating off of his skin, “tell me what you want i'm all yours.”

“I want you to suck me off.”

His directness made the temperature in your face rise. Nonetheless, you were willing to do whatever he wanted. This was his time. Lips ghosting his clothed length, he chuckled, embarrassed at how his legs jolted in pleasure. Felix’s impatience began to grow at your nonchalant attitude towards the hem of his boxers. You watched, mouth slightly watering at not only how big he was, but the way his whole body felt free, cock slowly springing from its cage as you peeled his underwear back. You gasped, you didn’t expect him to be like this.

“Is something wrong,” felix sat up, panic climbing it’s way back to him, “why did you gasp?”

“Shh baby,” you hushed, grabbing the base of his cock, “you have such a nice cock Felix.”

Throwing his head back, he was laying down again. Captivated by the king stripe you licked on the underside of him. His legs jolted once more at the new feeling, but he wasn’t complaining. He had been thinking about this for ages. Your tongue began to melt into him, effortlessly wrapping your lips around his tip, tongue tracing his leaking tip. You hummed in approval, the saltiness of his precum hypnotising. Felix groaned at the feeling, hands scrunching the bed sheets and your tongue steadily navigated its way to the base of him.

“God y/n,” felix grumbled, followed by a choked moan. His eyes were screwed shut. He was losing all his senses. like they were all disappearing. All he could focus on was the way you took all of his length, sloppily yet happily wrapping your tongue around him, collecting of his juices. Needing a break, you took him out of our mouth, heavily panting. Spitting on his cock drove him mad. Using your hands, you kept one wrapped around the base, the other beginning to massage his balls. The deep moan escaping felix’s lips made your core throb. His voice was always something that drew you to him.

“Felix pull my hair,” you grunted, trying to catch your breath, “pull my hair and tell me how much you like the way i suck your cock.”

“But won’t that hurt you?”

“No,” you chuckled, “please pull my hair, I'm begging you. Use me however you like”

Sitting up, his eyes were open, but completely spaced out. Hesitantly, felix let his fingertips become tangled in your curls. It came to your surprise when he began to tug, just like a natural. A moan left your chest, vibrating throughout felix’s body. Sensory overload was slowly but surely taking over him, hips uncontrollably beginning to jerk into your hand. The motivation in you was rising. You wanted nothing but to make felix a complete mess. Make him putty in your hands.

“Fuck,” felix spilled out, “that feels so good.” You heart beamed, impressed at how felix was finally using his words. You could feel him, he was close. His hands left your hair, propping himself on his elbows as his hips lifted off the edge of your bed, pushing himself fully into your mouth and down your throat, making you slightly gag. You weren’t complaining tho, you enjoyed the feeling. Feeling his thick cock fill you up completely. You looked up at him, face completely contorted, mouth open wide. You giggled, feeling his cock twitch against your tongue.

“y/n stop, stop im gonna-”

An elongated moan left his lips at his release, happily spilling his load straight down your throat, pulling him out to let him coat your lips. Your eyes closed swiftly, enjoying the endless amount of cum dripping from Felix’s excited cock. Saying nothing, you lifted yourself up, pressing your chest against his. Pressing a kiss to his lips, you smiled in awe at the longing look of shock covering his features. He rubbed his lips together, confused at the taste of himself. Running a hand through his hair, you grinned, an onset of admiration flowing through your body at his purity.

“How was that baby?”

He snickered in embarrassment, blush shadowing his cheeks. He couldn’t help it. Wrapping his hands around your hips, pressing a kiss to your forehead. Without warning, he flipped your around, body now encompassing you, a sharp inhale coming from you. “That was so good,” he paused, pressing a kiss to your jaw, “but,” he paused once more, pressing a kiss to your neck, “but things need to change.”

The dampness off your panties caught you off guard, especially at the way his fingertips glossed over your stickiness. You felt yourself relax, giving yourself to him. An uncontrollable whimper left your lips. His domination was something you weren’t used to, but you weren’t complaining. You could feel his fingertips pressing into your hips bones, burning holes into you. Things were getting hot. Wrapping your hand around his neck, felix chuckled, slowly making his way down to your stomach.

“Such a copycat,” you mumbled, causing felix’s head to snap.

“What did you say?”

His look sent a streak of fear through you. It was something you had never seen on felix before. The sweet, pleasant feeling was leaving, his dark, lustful alter ego making an appearance. Crawling back up to your body, he sadistically smiled, wrapping his eager hand around your neck.

“copycat? I'm a copycat, hmph, interesting.”

Standing up,you could see the intensity pressing felix’s features. He wasn’t playing games anymore. He ripped your panties off, pushing your legs up to your head. Biting down on your lip, you were completely taken aback, he could see it on your face. Quickly pumping himself, he was eager, but he didn’t want you to know. God you wanted him, bad. You knew things would lead to this, but the way you pictured things to go was not like this. Pushing a finger to your clit, your body jolted forward. A deep chuckle emerged from Felix's chest as he watched you, completely and utterly hypnotized by his touch.

“Felix please,”

“What is it baby, use your words.”

“Just fuck me, please.”

A smirk played on his lips. Adjusting himself with your entrance, your body froze, focusing on the way his cock could barely fit inside of you. A whine left you, a deep groan left him as he stretched your out, you mind in complete disarray. Felix’s body froze too, the feeling already overpowering his senses. He started at a painfully slow pace. Hovering over you, one hand pressed into his mattress, the other spread across the left side of your head, lips brushing against your cheek. His excessive touch made every part of you tingle, sensory overload already washing over you. Hands digging into Felix’s back, he smiled, taking that as a sign of encouragement. Picking up his speed, your body jerked. You couldn't stay still. Bodies squeezed tightly, felix groaned.

“god i love the feeling of your tits on me baby.

“You have, such a,” you paused, running out of breath, “dirty mouth.”

“Wait is that okay?”

You giggled, burrowing your head in his chest. Grabbing his chin, you gave him a quick peck, “of course baby, i love it when you talk dirty.”

His bottom lip was in between his teeth, loving the playful smirk the left his face and travelled to yours. Creeping to your ear, you could feel your body shiver, lips nudging at your lobe, he began to whisper, “you like when i fill you up with my cock then, huh?” A loud moan left your lips, his tone of voice making you clench around him. His vocal cords betrayed him shortly after. He knew your clenching would be his downfall.

“Fuck felix,” you hissed. He sat up, thrusting at a different angle, “right there that feels so good.”

“Tell me,” he grumbled, “tell me how good you feel under me y/n.”

“Your cock feels so good inside of me,” you cried, how pathetic, “i love the way you fucking fill me, it’s all i’ll be thinking about, forever.”

“That’s what i like to fucking hear baby.”

Closing the gap between your bodies once more, Felix growed, licking a stripe between your breasts. Taking one in his hand, he began to pinch, chest automatically arching off its surface. “God you're so sensitive aren’t you?”

“Only for your felix,” you moaned, sending a physical shiver down felix’s body. His pace was quickening, thrusts becoming a little sloppy. You clenched around him again, waiting for the string of curse words to slip from his mouth. Your body was becoming numb. You could feel your orgasm coming. Clinging onto Felix's hair, your began to shake. His groans were getting louder and louder, nothing but music to your ears as your muscles began to reflexively tense up, knot building in the pit of your stomach.

“Felix are you close?”

“I’m so close y/n,” he whined, regular softness coming back into view, “i want to cum.”

“Felix,’ you moaned, hands roaming his now scratchy back. You continued to repeat his name over and over, a small groan leaving his lips every time.

“God I love when you say my name like that.”

“Felix, I'm gonna cum,” you whined, moving yourself against his cock to add to the intense friction that was your impending doom. He pushed the now damp hair off his face, letting the sunshine from the window glimmer on the tiny beads of sweat fulfilling his skin. The way his cock twitched inside of you sent your over the edge, clenching around him multiple times, but that didn’t stop him.

“Fuck!” you cried out loud, brain mentally frying at how mindblowing your orgasm was. Seeing stars in your visions was new. Overstimulation was something you had never experienced before. Pleasure mixed with the pain as your legs began to heavily shake. He brought a finger down, messily playing with your clit. Pulling onto felix’s hair, he whimpered, pulling himself out and dumping his seed on you, a warm sensation travelling to your stomach.

Felix’s body collapsed against yours. You both said nothing, instead lying on top of each other, heavy breathing replacing the lewd sound of skin clapping and activities that had just taken place. You began to giggle, turning to felix and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. You ruffled his hair, making him unable to do anything but smile.

“How was that?”

“It was,” he paused, wide eyed, “amazing, thank you. I knew I could trust you.”

“Hey,” you beamed, “what are best friends for?”

[clumsyclifford]

you’re the photographer who’s been camped in front of my penthouse apartment for two weeks and i finally got lonely enough to come downstairs and share my leftovers with you” au or the child star one please i am begging you -it’s me rye rye rye your boat

ok im working on the child star thing but its gonna end up being much longer so heres this which honestly also ran away from me let’s see if tumblr will even let it all post it’s almost 2k ENJOY thank u for the prompt ily

-

The first day, Calum glances out the window and sees a whole host of paps on his front step and thinks, good thing I did the shopping yesterday.

The third day, most of them have gone except a few stragglers. Calum is determined to wait them out.

The sixth day, Calum is starting to run low on milk, and there's only one person left out there. He’s properly set up camp, actually, in a beat-up Volkswagen that makes Calum chuckle, then catch himself for chuckling because this man is for all intents and purposes his mortal enemy. Calum finds it strange that someone with such brightly colored hair and (squinting, he thinks he can make out) tattoos would be a paparazzi. He looks more like a punk groupie than a photographer, but to each their own, Calum supposes. He's tempted to make a break for it, or maybe sneak out in a cap and sunglasses, but leaving the apartment at all will get him photographed, and sue him, he’d like to be left alone. This is, like, the only month he gets to himself before training starts up again. He intends to take full advantage of it. Total invisibility.

Which would be a lot easier if this fucking pap wasn’t dead set on snapping his photo. Calum sees him turn the lens of the camera towards Calum’s front window, and he hastily moves out of sight.

The tenth day, Calum calls Luke.

“What?” Luke asks.

“‘Hey, Cal, nice to hear from you,’” Calum says. “Thanks, Lukey, right back at you.”

“I thought you were doing radio silence for a month,” Luke says. “Like, keeping your head down.”

“I am,” Calum says, exasperated. “There’s just one guy who’s been camped out in front of my building for, like, almost two weeks.”

“So what? Just go past him. He’s just one guy,” Luke says. Calum envies Luke. It must be nice to not care what the press thinks. Not that Calum cares, exactly; he just hates that they’re so insistent on being invasive. Calum’s not supposed to be a public figure, he’s supposed to be a symbol of Aussie pride. He plays soccer, that’s all. Nothing to be excited about.

“No,” Calum says. He’s not sure where this dogged determination is coming from, but he knows he would rather die than acknowledge the paparazzi out in front of his building. He’s got a right to his privacy, damn it. “Look, it’s a whole thing, I don’t want to get into it. But, uh, I’m sort of short on a few groceries. D’you mind…”

Luke heaves an exhausted sigh that Calum recognizes well. He calls it the fucking hell Calum the things I do for you sigh. Sounds similar to the fucking hell Ashton the things I do for you sigh, but less horny.

“Fine,” he says. “Send me a list.”

Luke gets photographed on his way both up and down the building. Calum watches the one stubborn pap take his picture, look at it on the camera screen, and slump over as if thoroughly drained.

Well. That’s his problem. 

After two weeks, Calum caves.

He’s been subtly watching the pap out the window, and every day he looks a little worse for wear. Not that Calum can see him very well, but he can tell in the set of his shoulders, the way he leans against the steering wheel of his car or slouches against the driver’s window. Calum hasn’t been consistently staring, but he’s pretty sure this guy hasn’t even left. How is he eating? Is he eating? UberEats, maybe? Calum shudders to imagine living off of delivery Maccas. Here he is, eating home-cooked food, and this poor pap has been sitting out there, probably wishing he could go home and make some pasta.

For the first time in his recorded life, Calum takes pity on the paparazzi.

He cobbles together some leftovers from the past few nights — homemade pizza, a bean dish he’d got off the internet that hadn’t been half bad, and some spaghetti bolognese. He heats it all up and then takes the elevator down to the lobby.

Calum has genuinely not left his apartment in two entire weeks, so the greying evening takes him aback, but not nearly as much as when he makes eye contact with the blue-haired pap and the guy doesn’t instantly take his picture. Also, Calum thinks, despite his best efforts not to acknowledge it, he has to admit this is the most attractive paparazzi he’s ever met, and easily the most laid-back. Is that an eyebrow piercing? Fucking hell.

The pap rolls down his window. “Uh, hi?”

Calum starts to feel a bit silly, but whatever, he’s already here. “Hi,” he says. “Uh, you’ve just — you’ve been camped out here awhile, and I thought…maybe you’d want some real food? Not just, like, UberEats?”

The blue-haired pap looks suspicious. “Is this a bribe?”

“No, I wish,” Calum says, laughing a little. “If anything, this feels like feeding a kitten to encourage it to stay. I’d love for you to leave, but if you’re not going to, the least I can do is make sure you’re eating well.”

“I’ll leave,” the blue-haired guy says, surprising Calum. “I — I’ve wanted to leave since I got here. I’m sorry. You don’t have to feed me —”

“I insist,” Calum says, because he’s already gone through the trouble of heating it up, and he has a fork and everything. God, he’s going to regret this, he thinks, before adding: “Unlock the door? I’ll sit with you.”

The blue-haired guy looks positively dumbstruck. “Um,” he says. “You don’t have to.”

“Believe me, I know,” Calum says. “You just look like you could use the company. And, to be honest, so could I. What’s your name?”

“Michael,” blue-haired guy says, smiling gratefully with just a touch of apprehension. “Alright, if you say so.”

He hits a button, and Calum comes around to the passenger side and climbs into the car. It occurs to him that Michael could easily kidnap him right now. Calum’s entirely defenceless, and has just willingly gotten into a car with him.

(But Michael doesn’t look that strong, and Calum’s an athlete, for god’s sake. He could take him.)

“Here,” Calum says when he’s settled, offering up the food. “It’s all warm and everything.” He hesitates as Michael takes the tupperwares and cracks one open. “You — you said you wanted to leave? Why haven’t you?”

Michael already has a mouthful of spaghetti, so he covers his mouth with his hand and swallows before speaking. Calum tracks the way his Adam's apple moves, then mentally slaps himself for doing that.

“‘S my job,” Michael says. “Not because I like it. It just, it pays well enough, and…it’s not like I have anything better to do with my time. I’m usually not invasive like this, I swear. I try to keep at the back, I just get some blurry photos and people pay me for them, nobody usually cares. But my boss was, like, crazy about this. He kept pushing to get exclusive photos, and then when he heard you had a month off, he told me to stake you out like my life depended on it.” Michael looks incredibly sheepish, hanging his head. “Sorry, mate. I thought I could just get a few pictures on the first day and be done with it, and then when you didn’t come out, I tried to tell my boss you’d holed up. But he wasn’t having it. Told me to stick it out.”

“Christ,” Calum says, aghast. “Your boss sounds like a real dick.”

“He is,” Michael says agreeably. “But, you know. I need the money, so.”

Calum likes how honest Michael is. It’s refreshing. People tend to lie to him a lot, especially in regards to his job, which he’s usually very good at, but gets told he’s good at even when he’s not. Michael’s forthright, though. Calum appreciates it about him.

“Well,” he says obligingly, “take a few photos now and take them back to your boss. Can even say you got an exclusive interview if that wins you any points.”

Michael raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t.”

“Fine,” Calum says. “Ask me a question. Wait.” He pulls his phone out and opens up the voice memo app. Hits record. “Alright, ask me a question.”

Michael looks amused. “Okay, but you’re not going to like this question very much.” Calum gestures for him to go on. “Okay. Um, what exactly are you famous for?”

Calum stares at him and then bursts out laughing.

Once he’s calmed down, he manages, “I never thought I’d say this, but I am absolutely delighted to have met you, Michael. I’m the center forward for Socceroos.”

“Oh,” Michael says, grinning. “Explains why I don’t know you, then. I’m not really a sports guy.”

“Yeah? What kind of guy are you?”

Michael shrugs. “Music, really. Part of why I ended up in this line of work.”

So Calum’s initial instinct had been correct. He’s weirdly proud to know that.

“Well, Calum Hood,” Michael says, and Calum likes how his name sounds in an unfamiliar voice, saying it because it’s what he’s called, not because it’s some big name to throw around, “what’s your favorite color?”

“Blue,” Calum says.

“How many years have you played soccer?”

“Most of them. Boring question, been asked that a million times,” Calum answers. “Come on, be creative.”

Michael arches his eyebrow, like he’s ready for the challenge. “Alright then. Worst drink you ever had?”

“Any time I have to drink beer in America, it’s a dark day,” Calum says. American beer is awful, and he will die on that hill.

“Favorite song at the moment?”

“‘Monsters’ by All Time Low.” Michael hums appreciatively.

“Good taste. Favorite article of clothing you own?”

Calum glances down at himself. “Probably this sweatshirt,” he admits, because he’s pretty sure at this point the sweatshirt is legally part of his body. Has he even taken it off in two weeks? Hard to say.

“Uh, worst way you’ve ever tried to pick someone up?”

Calum really only thinks for a moment before diving headfirst. “Well, once there was this pap who sat outside my building for two weeks, so I brought him my leftovers because I felt badly, but then he turned out to be fairly interesting and very attractive, so.”

Michael turns pink. He grabs Calum’s phone and turns off the recording.

“You’re not picking me up,” Michael says. “You can’t. This is my car.”

Calum laughs. He likes Michael. “Humor me,” he says. “You can say no. I’ll still let you have the pictures and everything, I’m not a total dickhead.”

“I didn’t say no,” Michael says. He lifts up his camera. “Smile.”

Calum makes his most serious face at the camera and listens for the click. He makes another face, and the camera clicks again. Then again, and once more.

“Alright,” Michael says. “That’s my job done. I’m officially off the clock. You were asking me something, I think?”

“You’re a shit,” Calum says. “I might take it back.”

Michael grins. “You will not.”

No, he won’t. “Fine,” he says. “Dinner? Or, uh, ice cream? You’ve sort of just eaten.”

“Won’t say no to ice cream,” Michael says. He looks over at Calum and smirks. “Imagine if this is the ‘how I met your father’ story.”

It’s an extremely forward thing to say, Calum’s too busy laughing to call him out on it.

[ofstrikcrs]

heyo what’s poppin ! it’s me, hannah !  i’m 20 n vibin in the est. my pronouns r we/them/boys but she/her work as well djskfsmd n i’m currently #unemployed BUT i am a full time student... majoring in dumb bitch theory n loving my gf n i’m at the top of my class baby...... :’) ANYWAY. i’m back again w a ( hopefully ) more condensed version of the infamous google doc(s) STRIKER KIM? MORE LIKE STRIKE ME IN THE HEART I LOVE U BITCH so that u dont all have to read the monstrosity that is my app ( but like, if u wanna... u can find it right HERE ) 

n without further ado... let’s kick it !

this is striker, he’s 28 ( soon to b 29 #ariesculture ) n he’s very complicated.. very complicated.... 

his mom cherry kim ( nee corallo ) is the daughter of lorenzo corallo, renowned filmmaker. daphne had a stint in acting in her youth as well but ending up withdrawing from the spotlight once she married his dad.

his dad is warren kim, business man

what kind of business you ask ? well..

let us rewind a little bit, shall we? now if you know anything about the ins and outs of organized crime in new york city, the name corallo might sound *eyes emoji* familiar to you. giovanni corallo was a boss of the lucchese crime family until his arrest and… you guessed it… that means our man lorenzo corallo is a man of the mafia !

lorenzo, however, wasn’t a first-born son which also meant he wasn’t an heir in any way shape or form and was free to do his thing you know BUT when it came time to arrange marriage for his one and only daughter, cherry, it was Expected of him to keep it in the family 

enter the kim family, who had been loyal to the lucchese family for as long as they’d been in america and had built up quite a reputation for themselves in the family, so it was just a natural choice to marry off cherry to their son, warren

they had two kids! their first-born son, dagger, and their second-son…. STRIKER !

and, as in all mafia stories, there is no better prize than the benefits reaped from die-hard loyalty, so in addition to getting to marry a corallo girl… a series of unfortunate events ( i.e. some deaths and arrests ) led to the promotion from right-hand man to acting boss of none other than our very own warren kim

now being the child of an acting mob boss is stressful, but being the second-son of an acting mob boss is… slightly less stressful. see, cherry stepping Out of the spotlight was a strategic move on her own part but was entirely her own decision which meant that striker was free to choose the exact opposite

with no real mafia-related responsibilities or expectations ( other than keeping his mouth SHUT ) on his shoulders, he was more or less… free to roam however he wanted and as he’s always had a taste for the finer things in life, there’s no real surprise that he chose to follow his mother’s side of the family and became nothing short of a socialite in new york city 

which.. despite what the press says abt our #mans striker kim ( i.e. being a billionaire playboy, irresponsible, reckless, wild, etc. ) he’s smart n his main motivation for heading straight for the spotlight is bc every person who falls in love w him is part of a complex and expansive insurance policy that makes it that much harder for the mafia to make him Disappear, u know ?

this is one of the reasons why striker and dagger never Really not along, though striker’s always had this theory that dagger was built for nothing but the mafia anyway bc he’s straight up one of the meanest, cruelest,  most RUTHLESS people that striker has ever met. but, like, with a name like dagger… how could you not be?

things really start getting #Complicated for striker when he’s ABOUT to graduate from college and his dad yeets this mortal coil in a Shocking Tragic Unexpected death ! it doesn’t really affect striker all that much bc striker spent a lot of his life living with his grandfather in the city but… rather when his father dies it’s dagger that ascends into the role of acting boss and BOY OH BOY that’s nothing but trouble for striker 

dagger gets striker roped right back into the mafia that he worked his whole life to try n get out of.. just like that. sad.

and because striker is… como se dice…. a stubborn shithead with a penchant for the dramatics, he starts looking for a way to make his brothers life absolute hell because! yes! striker IS the person who fucks with the mafia! what a moron!

for a good few years it was just minor stuff, nothing really consequential, but that gets boring very quickly bc ... u know ... it is what it is 

ANYWAY. he really finds his in to what’s going to make dagger kim’s life HELL and that is getting himself involved in a little heist group. there are only so many events that striker can show his face that end with a robbery of some sort before it starts to become suspicious, and it doesn’t take a genius to connect the kim family to the corallo family to the lucchese family. it’s just enough to keep people talking but not enough to actively incriminate himself. and as long as he’s not publicly throwing the lucchese family under the bus, he’s still, by all accounts, insured by the mafia as the son of warren kim.

anyway! enough w the backstory! here’s some fun lil personality n headcanon stuff :’)

first and foremost.. he does have a face tatoo. ( and an eyebrow piercing and yes i have photos of both if u want to see them )  it’s of a crown on his left cheek and he   got it within a week of his father dying and dagger forcing him to come back into   the mafia to Assert His Dominance n show dagger he was still in charge of his own   goddamn decisions so fuck you dagger

dagger punched him in the face for getting the tattoo and he had a black eye for two weeks but you win some you lose some

on the surface? rich kid asshole!!! rich RICH kid asshole!!! you know the kind of guy you take one ( 1 ) look at him and you’re like yeAh u absolutely think that ur better than me ? that’s him 

does he rly think he’s better than u? unclear.. depends on who u are... i already have some thots abt who striker wld dislike hmu tho aha x

fluent in english ofc n also korean and italian, his primary language is lit rally a jumble of korean and italian tht nobody can understand but like.. him n dagger n his dad ( rip ) n he also knows a little spanish and japanese.

he’s afraid of horses but will never admit it

he loves to bet!!! he loves it!!! it’s probably from growing up in a family where making bets on things was a major source of income but he will 100000% place bets on anything there is to place bets on and will rope as many people into his betting pools as possible

he hasn’t had his gay awakening yet isn’t that tragic??  turns out the mafia ISN’T a very lgbt friendly place, who would have thought?? so that’s absolutely something that’s going to happen bc we know that i love to make my characters suffer esp when it’s related to their attraction to someone whew…

he’s somehow both the biggest gossip and the most secretive person that you’ll ever meet??? like he’s an instigator n will make offhanded comments abt what he’s observed other ppl doing recently that he thinks are… inch resting… and you’ll have this long ass conversation w him and not realize until like 2 hours later that he didn’t say one ( 1 ) thing abt himself the entire time

you know how finnick from the hunger games used to get paid for things w secrets??? that’s so striker to the core… like you can’t buy him or bribe him bc baby has $$$ and is so disinterested in the glitz and glamor of fast cars and expensive drinks and whatnot, so if you really want him to do something for him… you’re going to have to trade him some secrets… n that’s that on that!

he doesn’t like to take his shirt off around ppl bc #scars ( predominantly the large letter L that’s branded on his chest but there are some others that i haven’t decided on yet ) anyway he does not partake in the pool parties n as explanation has just always  told everyone that he doesn’t know how to swim… n he’ll die w that lie, thank u !

very paranoid... has 2 different phones w his contacts n codes.. folds his clothes a certain way so he can know if someone touched his stuff... has a fun in a safe under his bed that he changes the passcode to regularly.... he also has some ocd but a lot of it is #trauma

im sry there r so many points here i .. rly tried to trim them down n there are like 300% more in my app but.. whew... ok

i’m going to stop now but pls.. pls plot w me i beg ok thank u bye

[corvidkittytransboy]

terato meme: 💀👻😈-x

💀 - Who was the first monster you ever fell for?

it took me a bit to think of this one (i didnt have and still basically dont have any celebrity crushes cause im like, actually a complicated type of grey-asexual while being a complicated mostly mlm bi? Basically I dont get attracted to individuals. Theres a meme thats the no give only throw dog but instead its “want sex” “with who” “no who only sex” and thats the mood basically. Though its more of an anyone than a no one thing. ANYWAY THIS ISNT WHAT YOU ASKED ME ABOUT) Upon thinking about it, I think it was probably Wulf from Danny Phantom cause werewolves sexy 

👻 - What’s your ideal monster lover like?

I’m not too picky, I’m a fan of a LOT of different kinds of monsters from like, inhuman tentacle beings with eyes and mouths in all the wrong places all the way down to normal-ass vampires which dont really count as monsters but whatever. I want something with big wings to shield me, and big claws for ripping right through clothes, sharp teeth for leaving marks so everyone knows whoever, or whatever, is fucking me isn’t human. Definitely a fantastical cock, certainly with a knot, maybe prehensile or barbed or some other kind of fun texture (ribbed? Big ridges? I’m not picky) Maybe fluffy? I’m thinking maybe a mothman type of thing here, big fluffy strong cryptid who can take me flying and pin me to a wall and be super rough with an inhumanly sized and shaped cock.

😈 - Share a monster related fantasy~

hmmm, I already talked about the cyclical breeding thing, where something very inhuman impregnates me with something that the moment its out leaves behind another one to grow inside me, leaving me constantly either bred by it or about to be. 

Sooooo lets talk about good old werewolf fantasies. I LOVE the idea of heat and monsters going into rut and needing to breed and also I had this idea that ive probably seen somewhere before but still i love it, the kind of werewolf where you lose control when you transform, but instead of bloodlust being the driving force for everything, it’s just normal lust. You’re a werewolf but every time you change you change into a needy slut in heat. 

Anyway that hasn’t happened YET in this fantasy, but it will in time. First though the first werewolf has to find me in the woods while he’s in rut. He can smell the fact that I have a fertile cunt between my legs even though to all outward appearances I’m just a pretty short guy. The nose doesn’t lie though, and he can tell I can satisfy his needs for the coming rut (which could last a day or a week or a month or more, a couple days to a week sounds about right though) there’s absolutely nothing I could have possibly done to stop the werewolf from taking me once he’s decided I’ll make a good mate, but I still try to run, absolutely terrified that this huge beast might want to eat me, but when he easily overtakes me and I’m trapped beneath his weight, he keeps from scratching me too bad and just rips my clothes off instead. I see his cock slip out and point right at me and I realize what he wants with me.

I try to beg him to get off, cause he’s massive and there’s no WAY that’s going to fit inside me, especially not if as I suspect, he’s got a knot. Unfortunately he’s not taking no for an answer, and he’s strong enough to MAKE it fit, so he does. It’s once I’m knotted and my womb is so full of cum it’s starting to stretch my belly a little that he finally bites me, marking me as his mate and forcing me to transform into the perfect mate for him, the outward changes of this kind of transformation a lot less useful in terms of power and a lot more internal as my womb becomes ready to bear werewolf pups for him and the hormones of heat start to take over my mind. I get taken back to his den and used like that for a week, dropping in and out of that haze of lust, sometimes coming back to myself enough to scream and struggle, but often staying docile and moaning beneath my huge werewolf lover. 

[feel199x]

best friends to lovers!

summary: it’s final, you decided that you’re going to confess your love to Hyunjin after his graduation, how does it work out?

warnings: none!

a/n: another request...wrauw;;; i hope you like it :(seungmin’s will be up soon! masterlist

Your best friend was graduating today. You were graduating yourself next week, and Hyunjin promised that he would go to yours, but of course, he was busy. You had gone to the same elementary and middle school as him but parted ways when Hyunjin attended the school of performing arts to pursue his dreams. You had expected to lose touch, but being the sentimental and clingy guy he was, Hyunjin made sure to keep in touch. And by keep in touch, you mean he texted you whenever he was free for hours. It most definetly didn’t help the massive crush you had on him either. It was always a bit ambiguous, you could never decide if he actually had a crush on you or if he was just being his regular clingy self. You didn’t mind though, just because you were friends with someone didn’t mean you were always going to end up having a crush on them, you. Especially because you realized that Hyunjin had a lot more attention on him now. Well, he always had a lot of attention in general, he was attractive but a lot of people didn’t see past that. And now that he was an idol, he was incredibly wary of new relationships and confessions, so you didn’t feel like it was your place to confess your love to him.

Didn’t mean you stopped feeling that way though.

Hyunjin had been your only real, undying crush, and trust- you did everything you could to repress these feelings. Sure, you had interest in other people before, but the feeling never lingered the way it did with Hyunjin. But today was the day, well okay, not today. But in the general area of time. Normally, you would never even let your mind wander into confession territory. But, there was something about the graduation that you thought gave you a little breathing air. Hyunjin told you that he was preparing for a comeback, and apologized profusely for being unable to give you the attention he wanted to give you. In fact, he snuck out of the dorms to come do skincare with you. You hadn’t actually invited him, you mentioned it when he asked what he was doing and he ended up rushing over.

As he talked about his next comeback you just stared at him, you weren’t even necessarily thinking about he looked, but more of what he meant to you. Relationships, whatever type they were, weren’t easy to maintain. And here Hyunjin was, spreading a charcoal mask on your skin after sneaking out of his dorms to hang out with you. Not gonna lie, it made you feel special.  You hoped he didn’t notice how you looked at him intently, dreamily, maybe a little bit intensely. He was sticking his tongue out as he did his best to spread the mixture evenly across your cheeks. His touch was always gentle like you were a flower and if he pressed too hard a petal would fall. As you looked up at him, looking at the mole underneath his eye, you decided that you were in love with him. And you needed to tell him, or you were pretty sure that you were going to confess to him randomly and blurt it out awkwardly. After he finished, and the mask dried, the both of you laid on your bed, holding hands. You forgot what he had been talking about at that point as he rested his body on the side of yours.

“Do you love me?”

“Obviously,” you said, “You’re my best friend.”

“Hm,” he hummed, “How much?”

“Too much, probably.”

“I love you more, though.”

“Yeah, right.”

“It’s true!”

“Prove it.”

He was silent for a bit, and you thought you could feel the hold on your hand loosen for a bit before squeezing it. “Okay,” he murmured, “Soon.”

And boy, did you have no idea what that meant. And boy, were you scared. But here you were, holding a stupidly big bouquet of flowers as people flocked to take pictures of the boys. You were more than anxious, and growing more insecure by the minute. 

The graduation process was a little longer than you had anticapted, and you let your mind wander back to some memories.

There were a couple more instances before the most recent that made you flustered whenever you thought about it. Yes, Hyunjin was clingy, you were aware, but sometimes he was very clingy. 

 There was one particular time where he climbed through your window and failed to do it gracefully. Actually, it was so bad, that your parents had shouted and asked you if everything was okay. And as you tried to play it off as a textbook falling off your desk, Hyunjin was losing his mind, trying to stifle his giggles.

“Hyunjin,” you whispered, “Did you really just come over here to cuddle?”

“Yes! I’m desperate, and I miss you!”

“You have eight members to cuddle!”

He pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, toppling over you as you fell onto the bed. “Yeah,” he whined, “But they’re not you.” You could feel your breathing constrict and your chest panic at the pulling of your heartstring. You smiled kissing the top of his head and playing with his hair. “You’re such a baby, but I love you.”

“Please, you’re clingier than I am, you’re just less vocal about it. Thankfully, I am shameless.”

“Thankfully,” you murmured.

The other time was the same circumstances. Hyunjin fell into your room with a loud thud. Really, shouldn’t he be better at this by now? And being the amazing dancer he was, shouldn’t he be more graceful? At this point, your parents had to know that your textbooks couldn’t have been falling all the time. But if they knew, they hadn’t brought it up at any point in time. You were about to scold him, but as soon as you realized he was crying, you opened your arms.

“I missed you,” you whispered, playing with his hair in a way that seemed to be therapeutic to him, “I’m sure you’ve been working really hard.” You wiped away his tears, looking at him softly. “I like when you look at me like that,” he murmured, “You’re so pretty.” You felt your cheeks flare up as you focused your attention back on his hair. “Yeah, but you’re prettier, you look like a prince, plus you’re good at everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

He repeated after you, his face inching closer to yours, lips nearly brushing against your lips. You could smell his chapstick- it was honey. “You smell like cherries,” he murmured, and you could feel his lip finally brush against yours. You thought it was finally going to happen, and you closed your eyes but he pulled away. You swore that he had said “I want to kiss them,” under his breath but you were unsure. You sighed quietly as you continued to play with his hair, even as he was napping quietly with his arms resting around you.

That kept you out at night.

When you heard the shutter of the cameras you snapped back to reality, turning your attention back to the stage. They were stepping off, and as Hyunjin did he was met with a swarm of people wanting to take a picture with him. And there it was, that pang of jealousy and insecurity. It was a human emotion, but it still wasn’t great to feel. But more than that, you were excited to see him after a while. You watched as he pulled out his phone and typed something really quickly before slipping it back into his pocket to take more pictures. Immediately your phone buzzed from your jacket pocket.

jinnie, my love: can’t meet here :( go to our regular diner, im sorry babe

you: dont worry about it! i’ll see u there

The diner he referred to was a local family diner that you had since made your go-to place. The both of you knew the owner and managers by name, and you visited there when you were missing Hyunjin and his hugs. The manager always teased you and him, sending you knowing winks as you shot her a glare. But when you came in, sad and pretty much crying over missing Hyunjin (not one of your best moments, but the guy was your best friend), she always gave you free milkshakes and advice. She waved at you when you saw you come in, and smiled big when she saw the bouquet of flowers.

“Hyunjin finally confess?”

“What? Oh, no. I’m going to, though.”

“What? Really? Look at you go! Can I do anything to help.”

“No, please don’t. I’m begging you.”

“Nah, I’m definetly interfering. And I’ll kick your ass if you don’t end up doing it.”

You sighed, shaking your head and sitting at your usual booth. The flowers were sitting on your table, and you swung your legs anxiously. You were toying with the hem of your shirt, looking down as your fingers rubbed with the loose strings. You looked up and smiled as you saw him come in.

“Hey there,” he placed his hands on the table, making grabby motions until you filled in the empty space in his hand, “It’s been a while.”

“It has,” you said quietly, “ah, I got you flowers.”

“We’ll get to that,” he hummed, “I missed holding your hands.”

“We should probably order,” you said quickly, “Jina!”

The manager sauntered over, clearly already having been listening to the conversation and waiting for her cue to enter. “What can I get you two lovebirds?”

You glared at her, “We’re not-”

“The usual, Jina, and can we get strawberry milkshakes?” Hyunjin turned to you, “That’s your favorite, right?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d remember.”

“Why would I forget? I love you.”

Jina laughed, and you narrowed your eyes at her. “Alright, I better get going.” Hyunjin rocked with your hands, playing with them as you waited. He was talking about how excited he was to feel like an adult and completely devote himself to his group. You looked at him, head tilted, and if heart eyes were a thing, you’d have them.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, Jinnie,” he tightened his hold on your hand as he turned his attention to you. You could feel regret telling you to retreat, but you pressed on, “But are you busy tomorrow?”

“Yeah, actually, I’m sorry. Do you have something in mind?”

Jina came in, and like she had promised, a messy heart shaped burger was plated in front of both of you. And instead of two milkshakes, she brought one with two straws. “Enjoy, young lovers.” You bit your lip, glancing over at Hyunjin.

“Right,” Hyunjin said again, “What were you saying?”

“I wouldn’t usually, or at all- uh,” you sighed, opting to keep it simple, “I didn’t plan on doing this, right now, ‘cause I don’t want to ruin your day.”

“Do you not want to be friends anymore? I’m sorry about not being able to spend time with you anymore.”

“No! No. Ah, I’m in love with you. Like a lot.”

There was a moment of silence between you and you looked down, feeling a wave of embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin your day, I can leave-”

“I’m in love with you, too. For too long, probably. Can I kiss you?”

“Yes!” Jina yelled, “Ronald, it’s happening! Ronald! We’ve done it!”

“Ignore them,” Hyunjin smiled, a blush tinting his cheeks, “Can I?”

“Mm,” you hummed, “Yes, please.”

He smiled as he looked at you, peppering kisses around your face before planting a kiss on your lips. You should’ve been embarrassed and worried about kissing in a public place like this, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care. “You taste like cherries,” he murmured, “I’m gonna kiss you all the time.”

“That’s okay.”

“I mean it, I’m going to kiss you whenever I can. Like, all the time, like all the time-”

“Jinnie,” you kissed him, “Congrats on your graduation by the way.”

[spillingmylifetea4481]

Chapter 5: My breaking point.

As if I hadn't experienced already that revolving my life around my boyfriend led nowhere, douchebag and I were really fond of each other. But of course you don't really know someone until you live with them. The first time I came to his house in Carlton Ga before I moved in there was a girl in his bed. This rubbed me the wrong way but I did finally see they were just really close friends from highschool and that she wasn't a threat to me after some time. Red flag number one. His hobbies were smoking weed and playing video games and reading comic books, endless hours of netflix watching. Oh. And messaging a shit ton of girls. Red flag number two. We lived with his mother and sister in a beat up trailer and he would constantly ask her for money for food and weed etc. He would have his close friends over for smoking sessions for hours on end and I grew tired of it because I wanted time with him too. He didnt work ever in his life for anything up to that point. He never cleaned up after himself or his dog or showed respect for himself as well as those around him. I ended up getting a job up the road at a gas station/cafe and ended up smoking loads myself, supporting his endless habits and showering him in attention and gifts. But at this point in my life I was easily jealous. When I was with Bob he cheated on me before he even took my virginity as well as my first couple short time boyfriennds also cheating on me before him so I was on my toes about douchebag talking to so many girls. We ended up hanging at his friends house often where I experienced xanax and psychedelics for the first time without a care in the world. We would get into arguments all the time over me demanding that he treated me with more respect and stop flirting with other girls. It never got anywhere. I dont really remember all that happened but one night I took xanax and drank after a fight and he left to his friends house and my mind immediately went to him going off with some girl so evidently I had ended up sending pictures of myself to Bob in my underwear ( funny because when we were together somehow the ones I sent him back then ended up on a porn site and my best friend in South Florida saw it had had to report it as child porn) and douchebag woke me up holding my phone to my face saying" what the fuck is this?" My immediate reaction was to crush my phone with my bare hands and beg him to believe me that they were old pictures. I was embarassed and couldn't believe I did that with hardly any memory of it.. So I chose to lie as if that was justifiable. Not long after that he ended up cheating on me with a girl down the street and I didnt find out about it until right before I had my son. I believe this is what initiated the inevitable with this poor excuse of a man. Many months went by with this toxic relationship and I became more obsessed with digging into his phone to find evidence of him cheating on me that I never spot on found. Anything I did find he always had a lie or excuse or gaslighted me on it. Then boom. A year and a half in I find out im pregnant. I had a hard pregnancy and gained a shit ton of weight so I was miserable. I went from 132 pounds to 204 pounds in 8 and a half months. I had mostly quit smoking but occaisionally I didn't stop myself due to relationship stress and physical exhaustion. Finally douchebag proposed to me at 7 months pregnant surely enforced by his mother and grandfather and we planned to get married. 8 and a half months pregnant I went into labor. I was so scared and excited all just to be ruined by him saying to me " look before we get married I want us to have a clean slate. So im telling you that I did cheat on you with someone." I said I forgave him but really I didn't. That's all it took to verify I wasn't crazy and he was a liar and a cheat and that I would most definitely would never trust him again. It was rough after we had my son. I was only 19 about to turn 20 and knew nothing of taking care of myself let alone a whole fucking baby. But we went through the motions of arguing and moving to Athens together into our own apartment with a lot of help from our income taxes and his mother. After I spied on him through his phone I found out he started seeing girls online behind my back while I was at work at our house, and even had them meet up with him at his work. I heard so many stories of his infidelities since at the time we both worked at Waffle house. I lost count of how many girls there were. I was desperate to fix the relationship so I started dancing around the idea of threesomes and open relationships to try to please him since he didnt seem to believe in monogamy. He brought girls over having them stay for days on end. I would cry and get angry and jealous and didnt know how to handle myself or the situation especially with my at the time 1 and a half year old baby. There was one girl in particular who came to our house to meet us to see if we were compatible for a threesome and she ended up seeing him behind my back. She was beautiful and honestly it wasn't her fault as much as I wanted it to be at the time.. He was head over heels for this girl and I thought to myself how I wasnt good enough. How all my hard work into this relationship was never going to be enough and I must have been ugly or unlikable, I gained weight so maybe he just didnt find me attractive anymore. We tried having a threesome after I confronted them about it and I guess they did it out of pity but mind you I genuinely have no interest in having sex with girls. Of course one night when he was supposed to be hanging out with her I talked him into staying home and trying to work things out and the girl FUCKING DIES IN HER SLEEP BRO. I was a chump and supported this man I had spent up to 4 years with and had a fucking child with crying over a woman I had caught him cheating on me with multiple times. I went to the funeral with him which Im sure everyone felt was fucking weird. Even had a video of them fucking since I needed proof to show him I knew he was lying dead ass to my face. I was depressed, contemplated suicide, etc. We fought in front of my son and I yelled at him when I lost patience. Made him spend time to himself in his room a lot which wasn't fair or responsible of me at all and I think about it every day. Im sure some part of me was going through post partum depression and didn't accept it. My poor baby boy had to see so much. I was addicted to pills and would spend all day finding money for my fix and dealers just to keep myself high enough to deal with him. I ended up going to jail in 2015 for shoplifting because I was ballsy about stealing stuff for my house since I spent all my money on drugs. I almost caught a felony. (Don't worry im not a theif anymore I learned my lesson) He respected and cared for me less every day of that relationship. This went on for at least several more months before I finally snapped and had enough of the lying and cheating and had a physical altercation with him..I moved in with one of my friends. He had already moved another girl in right after I left. I didn't even have a chance to get my things. I tried to befriend his new girlfriend and warn her of what he put me through and she didn't listen to me at all. Two weeks go by, I stopped taking drugs so I was going through withdrawals and fucked in the head even more intensely at that point and he calls me up throwing accusations at me taking his girlfriends belongings so I nutted the fuck up. I drove over there to get my shit and told him off for having me wait that long because "HE needed space." I go to unlock the door and this piece of shit holds the lock closed. So what do I do? Rationally handle it and call an officer to supervise? Nope. I took a fire extinguisher and busted the fuckin door down. Broke his tv. He started fighting me after I pushed him back for not letting me get my shit. Tried to strangle me, slammed my body in the door smashing my extremities repeatedly trying to keep me out, I went straight for his hair since he was sensitive about balding when he was young, he scratched my arm, he started destroying my lesther jacket with a steaknife,and my photo canvases that were not cheap after I broke his Tv, I don't even remember what all was said, then he threatened to cut his wrists with it and I just laughed and said "Give me that you little shit if you were going to die that way you would have done it already". My dumb ass went to take the knife from him and he pulled it back and cut my finger open. The police were called and they took me to jail since I was too fucking honest and told them I had just moved out even though my name was still on the rental agreement. After I got out I tried to get back on my feet. My son ended up staying with his Grandfather and his wife in the midst of all this so he didnt see any of these altercations go down thank god. I stayed in bed for about a whole month and did nothing. I didn't eat, couldn't sleep, and smoked weed just to keep my nerves and withdrawals from opiates at bay. I did get revenge on the girl he was with by cutting 2 of her tires and cutting one of her brakes. It was risky but I got away with it. I lost a bunch of weight in a month and looked sick but I was thin for the first time in 2 years so I didnt care.. I slept around a good bit trying to fill the massive hole in my heart but nothing really fufilled what I was longing for. 5 years of some prime years in my life so disgraced and wasted on this fucking guy. Another fucking guy once again I've spent too much time and effort on. I've never been the same since then. To be continued...

[nayeon-sadly-owns-me]

Another Moonsun fanfic

Title: The Wedding

Pairing: Moonsun

Word Count: 9307

-64 Days until the wedding-

              Moonbyul felt sick as she re-read the letter for what felt like the hundredth time. Her eyes lost focus on the fine cursive print and her hands shook, crumpling up the letter in the process.

 The fine cursive read the words, ‘I hear by invite you to Kim Yongsun’s and Kyung Wook wedding…’. She couldn’t believe what she was reading. Yongsun couldn’t be getting married. No this had to be a mistake. Moonbyul frantically searched around for her phone, her mind seemed to completely lose track of all rational thought as she didn’t even bother to check her charger. It took 5 minutes of intense panicking over not being able to find her phone before she had the realization that it was charging. When she went to retrieve it, she saw that she had a text from Wheein. It was her casually bringing out going to lunch. Moonbyul wasn’t feeling very ‘casual’ at that moment and immediately clicked the call button. Before Wheein could pick up Moonbyul cut her off with a mixture of incomprehensive words and irregular sounds.

              “Moonbyul! Calm down. What’s wrong?” They had known each other for years. 9 years at that point. Moonbyul was able to recognize that Wheein didn’t sound confuse but rather concern. “Is it true that Yongsun is getting married?” She didn’t want to know the answer. She felt like she was going to pass out during the long period of silence that came after the question. She heard Wheein sigh over the line, “Yes it’s true.” Moonbyul’s heart sank and she suddenly felt like she couldn’t support herself anymore. She unhooked the phone and sat on her bed with a soft thud. “Moonbyul it’s been 2 and a half years.” Wheein felt pity for her. She knew that Moonbyul was still in love with Yongsun. She felt even worse when she thought about how Yongsun wasn’t completely over Moonbyul either. “I just can’t believe it. How could she just move on and marry someone else?” Her words were empty. She was expecting tears to be overflowing, but none were there.

              “If it makes you feel better, Hyejin and I tried to make her reconsider. We don’t think it’s a good idea.” Wheein’s voice trailed at the end. “Then why didn’t you guys try harder?” Moonbyul’s voice was considerably harder than Wheein’s. Wheein made sure to send the attitude right back. “Because she thinks she is happy and it’s not our job to stop it. Moonbyul we know this isn’t easy for you to comprehend but you can’t put the blame on us. You should have been the one telling her no. Not us.” The line grew quiet from the sudden outburst. “Im sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Since the split between Yongsun and Moonbyul, Moonbyul stopped interacting with them as a group. The break up was messy to say the least. No one had cheated but god it felt like someone did with the way both girl’s pride made them avoid each other at all costs. Hyejin and Wheein felt like they were constantly caught in the middle with who to spend time with. “You’re right. I should have been there. I should have fought harder.” There were the tears. It started off slow and then gradually built until she couldn’t see what was in front of her from crying so hard.

              “Im going to call Hyejin and we’re going to come over okay?” Wheein made sure to show extra affection. She knew she had to comfort her friend. She had kept the wedding details a secret from Moonbyul out of fear that something would happen. She had been prepared for the day that Moonbyul found out. Both girls lived 5 minutes away from Moonbyul and were at the door before Moonbyul got her act together. Instead of waiting to be let in, they keyed in the passcode and let themselves in. “Moonbyul!” Hyejin called out to see if she was upstairs or downstairs. They heard a weak response from upstairs and paced themselves up the stairs. They found Moonbyul crying into her blanket that was upright against her legs. Hyejin was the first to wrap her arms around her and let Moonbyul cry on her shoulder. Wheein took her other side and made sure to whip the excess tear and snot off her face. “How long have you guys known?” The question was weak. Hyejin and Wheein had to take a moment of looking at each other before they knew how to answer it. “We have known for a few months.” They felt ashamed of their answer, but they didn’t want to lie to her. Not when she is a sobbing mess. Moonbyul should have felt furious at the fact that they kept it from her, but she couldn’t find the strength to do so.

              “I don’t even have the capacity to be angry at you two idiots.” Moonbyul tried to crack a smile but it vanished as quickly as it came. “We’re so sorry. We just didn’t know how to bring it up.” It wasn’t a lie, mentioning the Y word around Moonbyul was an unspoken don’t do. They remember the time that they had informed Moonbyul of Yongsun dating someone new. It was a disaster that they wish they didn’t have to see. “Well I’m sure anything would have been better than to get a wedding invitation from the woman herself.” Wheein bounced off Moonbyul in disbelief at what she had just said. “Wait she sent you one?” Wheein and Hyejin had helped Yongsun with deciding on who to invite, they had been careful not to mention Byul. Yongsun was the one to mention her. Wheein recalled that Yongsun had been debating on inviting her but had decided against it. “I don’t want to put you two in any awkward position if we just start fighting in the middle of the reception.” Yongsun joked before moving on. Wheein and Hyejin gave a polite laughing response.

              “I guess she wanted to rub it in my face that I messed up.” That was another issue of their breakup. Moonbyul took full responsible even though it wasn’t all her fault. Yongsun and Moonbyul met when they were 16, it was love at first sight for both parties. They had an intense fiery love that came from having to keep it all a secret from the rest of the world, minus their two best friends. They were each other’s first love, first kiss, first time. Each time they fought, they made love harder. In every sense of the word, they were each other’s soulmates. 2 years into the relationship, Moonbyul became more obvious with her desire for the other girl while in public settings. She was tired of having to keep everything a secret. She hated lying to her family who constantly made jokes about how she was a late bloomer and would eventually meet a guy she liked. She had found her person. She wanted the world to know that she was in love with Kim Yongsun.

              Yongsun wasn’t as brave. She was fine with their incognito relationship. She was fine with pretending that she found boys in her class attractive. On the days that Moonbyul pouted about wanting to come out, Yongsun would try to make it up to her by trying her hardest at pleasing her in bed. Sex can only go so far, but they made it work. They were 21 and long done with their studies. Yongsun wanted to work in human resources as an activist that can help others in need. Moonbyul wanted to become a successful dancer now that she no longer needed to satisfy her parents request for her getting an education. They had begun sharing an apartment by the age of 20, nearing 4 years into the relationship. Moonbyul had gradually gotten better about expressing her feelings as time went on. Yongsun got better at listening, rather than shutting Moonbyul out. They had matured a lot since the beginning. They began to have inside jokes of marriage during the times they cooked meals together in just their t-shirt and underwear. Although it was just jokes, they really felt like they could make it a reality if they just left Korea.

              Leaving Korea was apparently a big issue for Moonbyul. She was very close to her family and absolutely loathed the idea of leaving them. Yongsun didn’t quite have that relationship with her family. She wanted to leave with Moonbyul and never look back. During nights where they talked until 3 am, Yongsun would bring up her dream of moving to America. “I know you want to leave. But I can’t. My family needs me. My siblings need me.” Moonbyul knew that whenever the subject came up, she would be in the dog house. Yongsun would turn away from her and put distance between them. “Living in Korea is so limited. I want to be able to hold your hand in public but the thought of doing it here makes me scared out of my mind.” Yongsun wanted to leave the conservative nation behind. She hated the restrictions and wanted to just be free of it all. Moonbyul knew all too well the feeling of wanting to be herself freely, it’s just the price was too great for her. Those were the nights where they only mumbled good night. There would be no grins, no cuddling, just an empty space between them.

              Things began to change when Yongsun applied for an internship in America when they were 22. Her parents fully supported it because they saw it as Yongsun finally heading out into the world to be her own person. Moonbyul hated the fact that Yongsun was leaving, but she didn’t have the heart to express her emotions. Backtracking. This was the beginning of them backtracking on all the improvements they made over the years. Yongsun pleaded and begged Moonbyul to come with her, but she refused. She tried to keep the mentality that they would be able to overcome the distance. She should have realized that it wasn’t going to work. The timezones were rough on them both. Moonbyul was willing to lose sleep to just get a 15 minute skype call, but eventually it wasn’t enough. The internship was only supposed to last a year but it felt so much longer to the girls. During their time apart, they also grew apart. Skype calls grew less frequent, and talking in general grew less frequent.

              It’s not that they were over each other, it’s just they got very busy. Moonbyul started to work at a dance studio as an instructor and Yongsun had her internship that proved to be way more strenuous than she thought. By the time the year was up, their relationship was too. Moonbyul could remember the call as if it had been made yesterday. She could remember Yongsun’s choked up voice as she said she couldn’t do it anymore. Moonbyul tried desperately to think of a way to stop her from ending things, but in the end, she didn’t. She didn’t say a single thing. That response alone fueled Yongsun’s belief that their relationship had come to an end. They were both so heartbroken. Yongsun took her broken hearted feelings and incorporated them into her work. Moonbyul was less healthy about it and found that her passion for dancing had sizzled along with her relationship. Although Wheein and Hyejin had missed Yongsun terrible over the year that she was gone, they both understood that at the end of the day she would always be there for them. Although they were heartbroken at the split, they could see it coming a mile away. They did what they could to comfort the girl, but they recognized the fact that only time would be able to heal the wound that Moonbyul was experiencing.

              When Yongsun arrived back in Korea, she was greeted by her family and the two girls. No Moonbyul in sight. The reality had set in for Yongsun, their relationship was really over. From then on, Yongsun strove to get over the slightly taller female. It didn’t take long for her to meet her current fiancé after her discovery that she was actually bisexual. He was tall, handsome, and everything she could have wanted in a guy. There was only one problem, a problem that Yongsun has continuously denied to herself about. Kyung Wook wasn’t Moon Byul Yi. He was nice and all around decent in bed. But, his touches didn’t ignite her entire being the way Moonbyul’s did. She wanted to rid herself completely of the other girl, so she pushed the relationship further to forget her. Of course, she wasn’t aware she was doing this. However, Wheein and Hyejin were. It’s funny how they always knew what was going on, they were smart like that. Although they were smart, they were also naïve in the way they handled things. They found themselves regretting the fact that they let Yongsun go so far as to accept Wook’s proposal before intervening.

              So, there they were present day, making food for a broken-down girl who was still caught up in her emotions for someone else about to get married. “Im not going. I can’t.” Moonbyul took a bite out of her eggs but found that she really wasn’t hungry. “No you’re going.” Hyejin’s made sure her perspective was clear. “You’re not over Yongsun. You need closure if you’re going to be able to get passed this.” They were right. To that day, Moonbyul and Yongsun had yet to meet face to face since Yongsun left for America. That was 3 and a half long years of Moonbyul longing to be with the other girl. There were nights where Moonbyul would suddenly have encouraging thoughts about calling Yongsun and begging for her to take her back. Those thoughts would be deflated by the reality that she was now taken by someone else. Her low self-esteem seemed to eat away at her until she felt like she wasn’t good enough to even face her. “She hates me though.” She felt like a child saying that. She was 25 years old for gods sake.

              Hyejin rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead. “She doesn’t hate you.” Hyejin knew that it was useless to say. Moonbyul would never believe it. Wheein’s patience’s was growing thin and that always ended with an outburst that she would apologize for afterwards. “You want to know if she hates you? Then come to the wedding with us. Talk to her. You’re 25 years old, you’re an adult Moonbyul.” Wheein was down-right pleading for her to listen. She was tired with dealing with all this unnecessary drama. She wanted her friends to be happy and at peace. Hyejin took Moonbyul’s hand into hers. She held Moonbyul’s stare as she spoke softly, “You need to come. Yongsun obviously wants you to come if she sent you an invitation. Look it even has your name on it so you know it wasn’t a mistake.” Hyejin pointed at the invitation with her other hand. Moonbyul felt another surge of emotions overtake her. The realization began to pour into her brain like water leaking from a crack. Yongsun had invited her to her wedding. She didn’t know why Yongsun had invited her, but she invited her.

              “I have to go don’t I.” Her words were so quiet that even Hyejin, who was 2 feet away, could barely hear. “Yes.” Hyejin’s response was short. She was glad that they were able to convince her. Moonbyul opened and closed her mouth, she wanted to speak but the words just weren’t coming to her. “I’m still in love with her.” Was all that manage to stream out from her mouth. It was an obvious given, but it was never spoken out loud until that very moment. “Yes you are.” Hyejin nodded, she looked up at Wheein. There was a new expression on her face. A facial expression that she only used when she was determined. “I think Yongsun is still in love with you too.” Wheein gulped at hearing those words. Those words were dangerous. “What are you talking about? She’s about to get married?” Moonbyul pouted at her own words more so than the confusion of the statement. “Yeah but she doesn’t look as happy as when she was with you. She is settling Moonbyul.” Wheein intervened before Hyejin could say anymore. “I think what she is saying is that Yongsun hasn’t had as easy of a time as you think.” She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, she was making things worse.

              “Well it’s not like I can go and convince her to leave Kyung for me.” The statement was supposed to be taken lightly and discarded after it was said. Instead, it perked up Hyejin and made Wheein’s eyes go wide. “Actually…” Hyejin began only to be stopped by Wheein. “We cannot support this Hyejin. Yongsun is our friend too.” This felt extremely odd for all 3 of them. Wheein was used to be being the puppy, not being the grown up keeping all the children at bay. “We can’t let her get married to someone that she isn’t fully in love with either. That’s not what being a good friend is about.” Hyejin took a bite out of her piece of bacon, she sent a determining glare towards Wheein. It was her move. Wheein’s resolve crumbled as she snatched the rest of the bacon out of Hyejin’s hand to eat. Usually Hyejin would loudly complain about her stolen food, but this time she couldn’t help but smirk at the victory that she had just earned. “Guys I don’t think I could even break them up even if I wanted to.” Moonbyul tried to defend her case but found the necessary words unable to come out. “That’s why you’re coming to the wedding. You two are going to talk and if theres something between you two..” Hyejin’s voice trailed, Wheein was now sitting next to Hyejin with her palm up against her forehead. She really loathed the idea of going behind Yongsun’s back. Is it really going behind her back though if she was the one inviting Moonbyul in the first place?

              “I still don’t agree with it. But maybe Yongsun feels like she needs closure too.” Wheein chose her words carefully. She didn’t want to get Moonbyul’s hopes up. “Well that settles it. You’re going.” The wedding was going to take place in America, where Yongsun was hoping to move to along with her fiancé. Awhile after the split, Moonbyul had a sit-down discussion with her family. She revealed her sexual orientation and even her past relationship with Yongsun. It took them awhile to process it, but gradually they opened up to it. Her mother felt more heartbroken over the fact that Moonbyul neglected her own happiness for their sake. It was because of her family’s overwhelming support that she realized that she could leave and be okay. Her family would always be there for her, no matter how far apart they were. She regretted the fact that she didn’t tell them sooner. Maybe she could have gone to America to follow Yongsun? Maybe they would still be together? Life was full of a lot of maybes.

-25 Days before the wedding-

              Every morning, Moonbyul woke up to the knowledge that it was one day closer to Yongsun’s wedding. Her resolve of seeing Yongsun again waivered throughout each day. Wheein and Hyejin did what they could to cease the anxious blonde but there was only so much they could do. Wheein did something for Moonbyul though, she asked Yongsun why she invited her after all. Yongsun responded that she didn’t really know why she invited her. She just felt like she had to. Her answer left Wheein in a desired state to know more, but Yongsun quickly changed topics to further advance the wedding preparation. Wheein neglected to mention that Moonbyul was actually going to be attending, even after Yongsun made a final comment about how she doubted that she would show anyways. Bitterness still flowed in her words. Clearly she wasn’t over the fact that Moonbyul didn’t fight for her when she came back to Korea. Wheein bit her lip to avoid saying anything. They had agreed that it should be kept a secret because they didn’t want Yongsun freaking out and taking back the invitation.

             Now Yongsun was back in America with a 14 hour time difference between them. This made helping her out with wedding planning much harder, so Yongsun stopped relying on them and more so on professionals. The wedding was going to be beautiful, Wheein wished she could fully enjoy it. With Moonbyul here and Yongsun there, it was hard to remain neutral.

-15 Days before the wedding-

             Moonbyul woke up in a panic, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t fly all the way to America just so she could watch Yongsun be happy with someone else. The thought of watching Yongsun kiss someone else that wasn’t her tormented her enough. Her mind was racing with excuses on why she couldn’t attend. Maybe she could fake a family emergency? Illness? Despite her reasoning, she called Hyejin. If she needed a pep talk, she went to Hyejin. If she needed comfort, she went to Wheein. It was just how things were. Hyejin had been sleeping when Moonbyul called and wasn’t pleased about being woken up. “I can’t do this.” Was the first thing out of her mouth. She could hear a deep sigh and something that sounded like moans from stretching. “Good morning to you too.” Hyejin was use to these calls by now. Every few days Moonbyul would frantically call her to tell her that she couldn’t attend the wedding. Hyejin kept picking up the calls because she was able to recognize that Moonbyul could have easily called Wheein. Wheein would tell her that she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to. But she didn’t. She called Hyejin. The person who would tell her that she was going whether she liked it or not. Maybe she needed constant reassurance? At least Hyejin was patient.

-12 Days before the wedding-

              The girls were a wreck with trying to get flights and hotel rooms booked. Luckily they had managed to convince Moonbyul to get her passport months ago or else that would have been an issue. Yongsun was having her wedding at a fancy hotel and the 3 girls were having issues with coming up with the money to pay for everything.  “We get the cheapest plane tickets and share a single room. Boom problem solved.” Hyejin didn’t mind spending so much time with the other two. The issue was that they had no idea what would happen once they got to America. They had limited English and only knew what they saw on tv. “I still think we should get 2 rooms in case of emergency.” Wheein protested as she knew Hyejin would end up finding someone to sleep with and she didn’t want to come back to a ‘busy’ hotel room. “You think I’d do that?” Hyejin smirked at her. Wheein responded by nodding her head, “Yep you already have.” Moonbyul cut into their banter “Or I can just not go-“This time Hyejin cut her off, “Oh no, you’re going. You have to help us cover the cost of this trip. Besides you already have your outfit.”

               Moonbyul couldn’t retaliate there. A couple of days ago, Wheein and Hyejin had guilted her into going shopping with them. Shopping for a suit to wear to your ex’s wedding was not a way Moonbyul wanted to spend a day off from work. She was a sucker for suits though. She was well aware of how well she looked. That day Moonbyul went overboard and ended up buying new sets of clothing to wear. She had suddenly felt pressured into upping her wardrobe as she didn’t feel satisfied with bringing any of her current clothes. Her friends made sure to remind her of their expensive trip about to be held, but Moonbyul just shrugged off the comments. She didn’t want to admit that her dad had given her money to buy new clothing. Those kinds of details were just embarrassing to mention. After all the clothes were bought, they decided to go over the game plan. They were going to leave a week before the wedding, because of the time zone difference they wanted to give their bodies time to adjust to the time. According to Yongsun, the jet lag was brutal. The flight was a good 15 hours, they decided that they would strategize how they would reunite Yongsun and Moonbyul then.

               Moonbyul cursed at the fact that she was going to be stuck on a stuffy plane for that lengthy period of time. She knew her anxiety was going to be horrendous. The fact that they had to be involved with wedding rehearsals made things worse too. Hyejin and Wheein were both in the wedding, leaving Moonbyul to be by herself during the entire process. Her friends felt bad about it, but what could they do? The next few days resulted in Moonbyul getting little sleep as she packed and unpacked multiple times to make sure that she had what she needed.

-8 Days before the wedding-

                 The girls arrived at their departing gate and Moonbyul swore by her life that she had never felt this nervous in her entire life. The other two rolled their eyes at her antics and just let her be. The plane ride was stressful enough. Moonbyul felt like her energy was on a constant high and Hyejin had to tell her several times to calm down. They went over the festivities that would go along with the wedding. Most of their time before the wedding rehearsals would be spent in preparing the actual wedding itself. They told Moonbyul that she would just have to sit tight and try not to have any heart attacks while they were out and about with Yongsun. They made sure to let Moonbyul know how apologetic they felt about leaving Moonbyul alone throughout the ceremony and the party affairs before and after. It helped a little, but it didn’t slow down the inferno that had developed in her stomach. Moonbyul ended up falling asleep during the last leg of the plane ride. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep, but it was something she welcomed with open arms after not being able to properly sleep the last few days.

                 She woke with a jolt as Wheein ceased shaking Moonbyul awake. “Sorry to wake you up. We’re descending now.” Wheein looked at her sheepishly, she knew that Moonbyul needed the rest. When they had departed, it was noon. According to her watch and math skills, it was 1PM. She felt completely disoriented at the time change. “It’s going to suck when we have to do it again coming back.” Hyejin complained as she rolled her neck to get her blood flowing again. The flight didn’t feel as long as they thought, but maybe that was because of the anxiety each felt. When they do land, Moonbyul rushes off the plane as fast as she was allowed to. She needed to get off the plane and onto solid ground. Once she reached the exit and into the airport departing station, she gasped and bent down. Hyejin and Wheein were quick to her side as they reassured on lookers that she was just feeling anxious from the flight. They helped move her to a seat so they could give Moonbyul a minute to catch her breath and give them time to figure out where to pick up their luggage.

                  “What I wouldn’t give for a translator right now.” Hyejin groaned as she tried to make out the letterings on the signs. Yongsun was the expert on English, not them. With the help of google translate, they were slowly able to decode the letters into their native language and locate their bags. It wasn’t hard to pick out their bags as they were the only remaining ones left. “I was more anxious about whether or not our luggage would get here.” Wheein’s favorite pajamas were in there and the other two knew that it was in their favor that they didn’t lose it. Hyejin had already ordered a cab to take them to their hotel. Throughout the cab ride, Hyejin and Wheein excitedly whispered about how amazing it was that they were in New York City. It was a struggle to communicate with the driver, but they managed somehow. They were also positive that he charged them way more than he was supposed to. They didn’t know better.

                    By the time they were out in front of their hotel, Moonbyul’s wrist watch read 2:32 PM. Yongsun had come up with the brilliant idea of having a translator on hand for the family and friends who spoke little English. Moonbyul couldn’t stop the small smile as she reflected on how Yongsun always thought of others. It fell as soon as she realized that this was it. She was at the hotel. Soon she would be face to face with Yongsun. The thought made her queasy again. Wheein took her hand and held it tightly for support. At least for that moment, Moonbyul was not alone. Because of the translator, they were able to make quick work of getting to their room. They had two queen size mattresses. Moonbyul decided that she would rather not sleep alone so she let the other two bicker about who wanted the spare bed. In the end, they decided that they would take turns sleeping in the bed with Moonbyul. Jet lag was kicking Moonbyul’s ass, but oddly the other two seemed wired up. Their dinner planes had revolved around Wheein and Hyejin leaving to go get some fast food nearby. Moonbyul picked the option to stay in the room where she could be alone with her thoughts.

                  They wanted to argue that leaving the hotel would be good for her, but they decided against it. Of course Moonbyul’s anxiety also got the best of her and she found herself exiting her room and out into the hallway. Moonbyul had changed out of her plane riding clothes and into clothes that fit America’s weather. It was warmer so she put brown kaki’s and a black t-shirt. She also wore a hat because she felt naked without one on. Everything was quiet around her except her thoughts. She wondered what Yongsun was doing right now. Her brain was put onto auto-pilot as she pressed the first floor button and waited for it to take her to her location. Her thoughts rambled on with what she would say if she saw Yongsun. Would she even get alone time to talk to her? She hadn’t even thought about how Yongsun could be too busy to even get remotely close to her. She walked out and turned a corner after reading a sign that signaled where the wedding would be held. Her hands were stuffed in her pocket where her currently useless phone sat. Her hands were wet with perspiration and she quickly had to take them out so she could whip them of the sweat that build up.

                  “Gross” she mumbled to herself. When she looked up, she came face to face with the face that she had traveled thousands of miles to see. Yongsun had been looking at her with her mouth open and her eyes wise. Moonbyul’s mouth suddenly felt very dry and she began to feel light headed. She wasn’t ready to see her. “What are you doing here?” Yongsun broke the silence with a question that was just barely loud enough for Moonbyul to hear. “I-I was invited” her words stuttered and she silently hated herself for feeling so affected by Kim Yongsun. Her entire body felt like it was on fire and her heart was beating loudly for her to hear it through her ears. Yongsun was visible shaken up by the sudden girls arrival. With long strides, Yongsun grabbed Moonbyul’s arm and tugged her to a room where they could be alone. If Moonbyul thought her body was on fire then, she was clearly mistaken. The inferno that resulted from a simple touch from Yongsun caused her body to quiver as she followed her. Right now, she would follow her anywhere.

                 “What the fuck are you doing here?” Yongsun’s voice was now noticiable harsher than before. “You invited me” was all Moonbyul could get out. She was still recovering from the contact she had received just a few seconds ago. “Yeah but I didn’t think you were going to show up.” Yongsun took a few steps back and blocked her eyes with her hand. “How could Hyejin and Wheein not tell me about you. Fuck I shouldn’t have sent you that invitation.” Moonbyul felt hurt by her words. It was now or never. She licked her lips and clinched her teeth together. “Then why did you if you didn’t want me here?” She was on her way to getting angry. She was experiencing emotions that only Yongsun knew how to bring up. In a weird way, Moonbyul felt like it was the first time in years that she felt so alive. “I don’t know. You played an important role in my life and I guess I was feeling sentiment over that.” It was an excuse and Moonbyul knew it. It fueled her. “Why are you getting married?” The question came as straightforward as she intended it to. “Because I met somebody who made me happy.” Yongsun spit it right back with the same straightforward attitude.

                 “Except you’re not happy.” Yongsun didn’t know what to believe. How dare Moonbyul come to her while she was finishing up her preparations for her wedding day. “You don’t know a thing about how I feel. Don’t pretend.” She was angry and worked up, Moonbyul should have backed down and admitted that she was right. She couldn’t. “I do know. I know that you’re settling for something that’s comfortable and easy.” She should have stopped, but she couldn’t. Words were tumbling out of her mouth like a waterfall at the end of a raging river. “Settling!? Is this your way of telling me that you’re still hung up on me? News flash, you let our break-up happen. You left without putting up much of a fight at all. You have zero right to tell me anything about my relationship!” Yongsun was red, she wanted to appear as threatening as possible so she took a step closer. “You’re right. I should have been there to see you come back to Korea. I should have called or done something. I regret it. But I can’t just sit back and watch you marry someone you don’t really love.” Moonbyul took a step forward and met her intensity. “I waited for you.” Yongsun’s eyes were beginning to tear up, Moonbyul felt a wave of self-loathing course through her thoughts.

                 “I know. I should have tried harder. I didn’t feel like I was good enough.” Her voice was soft compared to how it previously was. “Well it’s too late now. Moonbyul, I’m getting married whether you like it or not.” Yongsun’s tear eyes cleared up as quickly as they came. “Now if you excuse me, I have a wedding to finish.” She tried to storm off but Moonbyul caught her arm and forced her back. “I still love you. Im not letting you go without a fight.” Yongsun was thrown off balance by the sudden action and stumbled forward almost directly on top of the other girl. She wanted to punch her, slap her, do something. She lifted up her hand to slap her but she found that she couldn’t. “It’s too late” her voice was cold but she didn’t move away. “No. It’s not. You wanted me to fight for you. So here I am.” Her voice was steady. She felt like a completely different person than how she was a few hours ago. “On the week of my marriage?” Yongsun regretted not slapping her.

                “Better later than never at all.” It felt like they were now repeating themselves, trying to one up the other. They were alone, and that was dangerous. Yongsun knew that it was best for her to leave, but something kept her in place. She wanted to prove something, she just didn’t know what. “Admit it, something is missing.” Moonbyul was only 2 to 3 feet away from Yongsun at this point. “You’re being delusional.” She responded, her chest rising and falling rapidly from the bent up anger. “Then tell me that im wrong. Tell me that your fiancé makes you feel like your body is going to ignite itself whenever he touches you. Tell me that ever kiss feels like the first and that each orgasm is as good as the last.” Moonbyul was inching forward slowly like a cougar that was hunting down its pray. “Y-you’re wrong” Yongsun cursed at how she failed to respond with as much intensity as she felt. “You’re lying.” It was an easy counter and Yongsun knew it.

               “Stop lying to yourself.” Moonbyul’s voice was steady and quiet. Yongsun gave in. “Make me” Yongsun snarled out, it broke the tension and suddenly Moonbyul closed the gap between them. Moonbyul tugged her as close as she could so she could wrap her arms fully around her. Tongue slipped into each others mouths as they kissed with as much intensity as their fight was. They took moments to breathe before going back at it again. This was wrong but god damn did it feel so right. Yongsun forgot what it felt like to kiss someone so passionately that forgetting to breathe was an issue. Her hands were tangled into Moonbyul’s hair and ignored the fact that her hat fell off. Moonbyul walked forward until Yongsun’s back was up against the wall and away from the door. If this was what it meant to be alive, she never wanted to leave Yongsun again. Yongsun dragged her nails onto her neck and took a small bite out of Moonbyul’s lip. Moonbyul dragged her nails up and down Yongsun’s back. The two broke apart panting as they rested their foreheads against each other. “Why didn’t you come back sooner.” Yongsun was breathless in a way she hadn’t felt since their last make-out session.

               “Because I didn’t know if you still loved me.” Moonbyul was being honest. During that time, she felt like Yongsun had fallen out of love with her. She felt like her presence was just a burden. She was dead wrong. “This isn’t right.” Yongsun’s eyes were darker than they were when they started to make-out. “You wanted this.” Moonbyul was being bold and Yongsun had forgotten what kind of effect it had on her. “Why do you think I invited you.” The words slipped out even before she coherently thought of them. She let go of Moonbyul completely and frantically slid away. She was in shock over what she had just said. The pounding realization hit her very hard. She was very much still in love with Moon Byul Yi. She suddenly felt sick and needed to leave at that very moment. She couldn’t be in the same room with Moonbyul anymore. “I have to go.” Yongsun mumbled as she flew open the door and left. “Wait!” Moonbyul tried to chase after her but found that Yongsun had made her quick escape. Moonbyul’s touched her lips with her hand, she could still taste and feel Yongsun on her. Yongsun still loved her. She was sure of it now. Moonbyul wanted her in every shape and form. She wanted the fights, she wanted the good and bad. She just wanted Yongsun back.

                 Moonbyul explained to Wheein and Hyejin about what happened, they gasped at how scandalous their trip had really become. “This is straight out of a kdrama.” Wheein sat back and reflected on what she had just been told. “If you hadn’t have been a little bitch to begin with then this wouldn’t have happened. But im proud of you.” Hyejin smirked at her and Moonbyul looked away in embarrassment. She really shouldn’t have waited so long. Moonbyul didn’t know if it was because of the jet lag or the fight-kiss with Yongsun that kept her up. All she knew was that she was ready to fight for what was hers.

-2 Days before the wedding-

                 Yongsun had completely ignored and went out of her way to avoid Moonbyul at all costs. She was pissed at Wheein and Hyejin for not telling her, so she wanted to avoid them too. It was hard to avoid the bridesmaid’s though. “Listen we get that you’re mad but we couldn’t let you two be like this forever.” Hyejin spoke for the two of them. Wheein hated it when Yongsun was mad at her. “I was happy and now…” Yongsun’s voice trailed off. She couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every time she looked at Wook, she felt awful for what she had done. The worst part was that she didn’t even regret the kiss. “Now you’ll be able to find real happiness.” Hyejin knew she was pressing her luck with this statement. Wheein winced, expecting Yongsun to blow up from the comment. She didn’t though. “No. It’s too late. Moonbyul had her chance, she didn’t take it. It’s time for me to move on and marry someone who has taken that chance to be with me.” Yongsun wished that she felt as confident as she sounded.

                As they finished the final touches on the wedding, they started their rehearsals. It was all going smoothly and Yongsun found it easy to laugh and smile when looking at Wook. Things began to take a turn when Yongsun finally scanned the crowd and discovered her ex at an alarming rate. Moonbyul was looking at her in a way that made her heart flutter. Compared to the way Wook made her feel, she felt like she indeed chose the safe route. Was safety such a bad thing though? She tried to shake off the girl’s continuous stare. She wasn’t in her wedding gown but still downed a long white dress that overflowed onto the floor. She felt like a princess in that dress. Moonbyul felt her heart accelerate just by looking at the sheer beauty that beholden her. They still had an undeniable connection that they just couldn’t shake off. Moonbyul could have looked at the pretty decorations, but honestly she just wanted to look at Yongsun smile and laugh. Moonbyul felt jealous at the man for being responsible for such a reaction. The jealous only simmered down when Yongsun would turn to look her way. It was only then that Moonbyul would understand that Yongsun was faking.

             Moonbyul persuited her as soon as the rehearsal was over. She felt bad for Wook, he genuinely seemed like a good guy. She wanted him to be happy too. She just selfishly wanted him to be happy with someone else. Yongsun made quick work of making sure she put plenty of people between her and

              the determined girl. Eventually there was no other choice but to accept the fact that Moonbyul was going to be talking to her. “Yongsun!” Moonbyul called out and halted her as she tried to turn away to leave. “What do you need Moonbyul?” Her fake smile was plastered on her face, she wanted to give off the impression that nothing was wrong. “Can we talk?” They had to talk about the kiss. Surely Yongsun felt the same way. “There’s nothing to discuss.” Yongsun looked nervous as she looked at every which way but straight forward where Moonbyul stood. “I know you felt it too.” Moonbyul made sure to keep her voice quiet so that it wouldn’t cause a scene. “I didn’t.” She lied and prayed that Moonbyul would buy it. “You’re in love with me too.” Again, some form of bravery released itself from the pits that Moonbyul usually locked it away in. The words caused an eruption of emotion from Yongsun, but she had to conceal it.

              “Im in love with somebody else. Im sorry it had to be this way.” She was being polite, playing a role that seemed to have been made just for her. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop lying?” Moonbyul questioned as she tried to get closer so that her voice didn’t have to travel that far. “As many times as it takes for me to tell you to leave me alone.” Yongsun fired back. Except this time, Moonbyul noticed a change in Yongsun. Throughout the day, Yongsun looked like the perfect bride except her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Now, her emotions sprung from her eyes. Her heart was pounding for the first time. “Seeing you like this, this is the first time you’ve acted natural all day.” The comment broke Yongsun. She grasped Moonbyul’s hand to lead her somewhere else. They couldn’t ‘talk’ here. Not where her groom was in the same room with her and the guilt of it all piling up. They found a room that was unoccupied and Yongsun made quick work on kissing Moonbyul. She was like a drug that Yongsun couldn’t live without.

              She hated this girl with every fiber of her being, but she was so in love with her at the same time. She let her rough kissing and gripping express her emotions. Moonbyul gladly exchanged the favor until she felt lightheaded from the lack of air. “There can’t be a repeat of this. Wook he’s-“ Yongsun paused to catch her breath. “He doesn’t deserve this.” She felt guilt overflow her judgement. “Neither do you. You can’t stay in a relationship that you have to act like you’re in love just to get by.” The words were on the tip of Moonbyul’s tongue. She had come so far. “Chose me.” The words were so quiet that Yongsun almost missed them. She almost asked for her to repeat them, but she couldn’t dare to listen to those words again. “I can’t. Everyone is expecting me-“ Moonbyul cut her off by kissing her. The kiss was gentle, it made Yongsun’s insides melt. When Moonbyul pulled away she placed a hand on Yongsun’s cheek. “You have to do what makes you happy.” She wanted to believe her words, before she could respond the door opened.

              They moved away from each other very quickly, Moonbyul turned her body away from the door so she could wipe off the lipstick that Yongsun was wearing. “Oh im sorry! We were looking for you Miss Kim. It’s time for photo’s.” The man was pleasant enough that Yongsun thanked him for looking for her. “I’ll see you around” was all she said as she quickly left. Moonbyul felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. What if she really wasn’t going to get Yongsun back?

-The day of the wedding-

              Everything and everyone was frantic. Moonbyul was finally adjusted to the timezones to the point where she could go to bed at least before 2 am. Hair and make-up was the thing that was on everyone’s mind. Moonbyul wanted to make sure she looked her best. Light make up and mascara was the way to go for her. Hyejin whistled when she saw her, Moonbyul made sure to return a wink. Hyejin was wearing a long red dress that suited her curves mighty fine. Wheein chose to wear a black skirt, a white blouse, and a white jacket. Today was Moonbyul’s last chance to win back Yongson. She gulped at the image of what she was going to have to do. She always daydreamed as a kid what it would be like to object at a wedding. She had no idea it would feel this nerve wreaking. It’s amazing how different things are compared to when they were in school secretly dating. There was a time when Moonbyul never even dreamed of announcing her love for Yongsun in a room full of people who loved and adored Yongsun. Much less at a wedding. They got down there early because of Wheein and Hyejin’s roles as bridesmaids. They shot Moonbyul thumbs ups and gave a hushed ‘Fighting!’ while shaking their fist. They wanted Moonbyul to get Yongsun back almost as much as Moonbyul did.

              Inside the preparation room, Yongsun was in a panic. She always laughed at the idea of brides running away from the alter because they felt like they couldn’t do it. Now she felt the same. She felt like everything was wrong, and it was all Moon Byul Yi’s fault. She had to remind herself to breathe as the assistant helped her fasten her long wedding dress. She tried to convince herself that she could do this. She told herself that there was no way that Moonbyul was going to stay in America just for her. She tried to keep going over the reasons why they broke up in the first place. The only issue with this is that, Moonbyul came to America for her. She withstood Yongsun’s anger and turned it into a rekindled fire that Yongsun had convinced herself gone out. Now she stood looking at a mirror, looking more beautiful than ever, having second thoughts. Going through hair and make-up had been a struggle. She wondered if Moonbyul had this much issue. Then again, she was probably wearing a suit. She smiled at the image of Moonbyul in a suit. It was always her best look. That’s when you know somethings wrong. When you’re imaging how well your ex looks compared to how your fiancé looks. Truth be told, she didn’t think about Wook once.

              Everyone sat down and got into place. The wedding was about to begin. Moonbyul felt her gut tighten. She hated the fact that time was moving much faster than she would like it to. Hyejin and Wheein got into position and scouted the room for Moonbyul. As soon as they spotted her, they waved until it caught Moonbyul’s attention. Moonbyul weakly waved back, she felt too sick to do anything else. She was sitting next to a man who she did not recognize. “Korean?” She wasn’t expecting the question but she nodded anyways. In perfect Korean he asked if anything was wrong. She must have looked as tense as she felt. She tried to make up an excused, ending it up with ‘Just nervous on if he’ll treat her right.’ He gave her an understanding nod. “You don’t have to go into further details. All I’ll say is that if it’s meant to be then it is meant to be.” His words struck a chord with her, words that would stay with her the rest of her life. She finally understood why Yongsun was so adamant about going to America. They continued to talk until the wedding ceremony began. “Good luck” he whispered as if he knew exactly what she was going to do.

              Yongsun felt like her legs had lost function. She was glad that her father was walking her down the aisle or else she probably wouldn’t have made it. Her heart was pounding for all the wrong reasons. She had finally come out of denial and straight into the acceptance that she should not be getting married. At least not to the man who looked at her with such love and devotion. Yongsun tried to alert Wheein or Hyejin that they should do something. She wished that there was some unspoken signal that she could send to them to tell them to stop the wedding. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t marry somebody who didn’t have her full heart. Instead, they just smiled at her and let her finish her walk. Yongsun hadn’t turned around yet, but she knew that Moonbyul was watching her. She did her best not to let her panic show on her face. She gave Wook a genuine smile. He was such a great guy. She really hated that she couldn’t love him the way he loved her. She couldn’t even remember her vowels that she had spent so many hours painstakingly writing. She improvised when it was her turn to recite. The words didn’t flow as neatly as they did on paper, she was sure that people in the audience could pick up on it.

              Moonbyul sat on the edge of her seat, the time was coming. When the priest was done, the words “Are there any objections as to why these two should not be wed.’ came out. Moonbyul took a deep breath and stood up quickly. She opened her mouth to speak but was shocked to find that someone else had stood up with her. It was Yongsun’s father. “I object.” He spoke cleanly, Moonbyul looked from him to Yongsun and back to the priest. “And why is that?” The priest was shaken from the fact that someone did have an objection. The whole audience was mummering that no one had experienced this before either. “I don’t believe that this marriage is right because he is not the person that should be standing there. Im sorry.” Moonbyul could tell that he was struggling to find the right words. The priest shot a glance at her, “And you?” Moonbyul’s cheeks grew red as all eyes were on her now.

              “I object. B-Because she belongs with me.” Her words caused an eruption of gasps from the crowd. Yongsun’s father made eye contact with her and gave her a slight nod before sitting down. He knew? Wook looked at Yongsun with a confused expression. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Im sorry. I can’t do this.” She wanted to give him a million apologies, but instead she grabbed his arm and they politely walked back up the aisle. Yongsun shot her first glance at Moonbyul. She gave her a genuine smile and nodded her head towards the door to send a clear message. Come meet me outside. Wheein and Hyejin were in as much shock as they could be. They expected Moonbyul to say something, but Yongsun’s father? After he let her go through with the wedding? They made their way to Moonbyul and pushed her forward. “You better go before you miss her.” Hyejin scolded her as Moonbyul still stood in shock. She nodded numbly and fast walked out of the room. It was loud, but that could have been just Moonbyul’s ears ringing from the pounding in her chest.

              Her arm was jerked back by Yongsun who had appeared out of no where. She was dragged off in a familiar fashion than before. Moonbyul couldn’t help the smirk on her face. She really didn’t mind being dragged by Yongsun. “I can’t believe you did it.” Yongsun was smiling at her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “I thought you’d be angry?” Moonbyul felt confused but still couldn’t fight the daydream grin that was on her face. “No. Im kind of done being angry.” She kissed her again, and again. She felt lighter than she had since she got there. She felt like she had just reunited with her soulmate for the first time. She should have been distraught over the wedding, but instead she was kissing the girl she had fallen in love with at 16. “Promise me something” Yongsun said between kisses. “Anything” Moonbyul was feeling too euphoric to care about anything. “When we get married, make sure no one has a reason to object.”

[kissmethroughthebone]

So, I did something foolish, and yet still empowering.

I hooked up with a man, to get over my ex. Just a passive fling, nothing much.

Did it work? Yes. Now I can stop thinking of that terrible gutless man, and have new memories of the sexy new guy that can give AMAAAAZING massages, tells me how much he adores my body, and can do absurdly atrocious and yet goddamned godly things to the inside and out of my vagina.

Does he adore me, or even *like* me? Past sex, probably not. I'm not even gonna waste time pondering on it. Since of course a man will drop everything to have sex with me for a few hours in exchange for whatever food I feel like and lots of orgasms, BUT not for a late night conversation or bothering to maintain whatever friendship was forming from before.

But, I am a sucker for flings, which has hurt me in the past......

So as I broke up with my ex, I:

Met a new guy. Incredibly hot, incredibly fine, somewhat suave but quirky. Had lots in common. But he kept beating around the bush about however he felt for me. Long story short, I cut him off, and then found out he was doing his "i really really like you quite a lot" schtick with other girls... Same pet names, same flirtations and every thing. Grossssss. A simple "I'm not interested romantically but enjoy a very casual thing", or something, would suffice..... But, men play games.

Met another guy. Sweet, cute; also a virgin at 21 years of age, which made me wonder if I could make him into a trick or so..... He ended up losing interest first. Never fully explained why, other than vague stuff about how he's inexperienced or something... I try not to think about it, it probably would hurt my feelings knowing I put in some effort with the guy.

Met ANOTHER person. They were great, buuuuut men make things complicated, so instead of a straight up "I think you're great, but am not interested".... You guessed it! Got lead on.

And now, I scored a decent enough fellow that would pay for my food without hesitation, and thinks I'm the finest woman he's ever laid eyes on. BUT is not as into me as I am into them.

Shame I never learn, it seems!

Self notes:

If a man isn't chasing you, he doesn't want you, period.

You can steer his interest if you want, but then it's too many mind games to keep them around. "Do I text back fast? Do I respond slow? One word? Ask questions? Am I asking too many questions? Too blunt, too prudish, too open?" Shush. You're great. Just leave him when you can tell you're gonna lose yourself over them. Better to leave, than to stay and hate.

And of course, all men are the same. Rowan was a fine as hell "sensitive" UK guy who messaged me every morning, Kieran was a marxist bass player type guy who bad more feminine traits and supposedly preferred honesty with others, Cam was the sensitive type with zero experience whatsoever....

But, of course, they weren't too different from any other guy.

If they weren't interested, they'd distant without a second thought. If they wanted me, they'd reply INSTANTLY. Lots of things, truly.

And if sex was hinted at or available, it would be what they wanted. And once it was had, any obligation to be sweet, kind, or remotely interested was gone.

Sad, since the recent FWB had been so polite and sweet before..... But we can't hit that "oh this girl I don't know is so sweet, and very polite, I don't know why men disrespect her often?", sorta thing again. Since welp, the sex was had, and since we had sex two days in a row, they probably think I am "an easy lay", like they said another guy had probably thought of me.

(Which isn't entirely a lie, but not the truth, either; Marco was a guy who used me for sex and lied too much when I was younger. And fast forward some time later, he went from ghosting to begging for me to come back, offering to suck my toes, give oral sex, buy me rooms, food, jewelry, rides... Anything at all, if it got me back to him eventually.)

Men are useless. If they're FWBs, they'll only semi-respect you if they know you prior to sex a bit more in person. If they don't past texts, then, you're fucked, and they won't give a damn.

Ironically, men are more prone to care about you long term, even when you both agree to not have any strings attached.... If you stray from having sex. (Yes, true.)

Or if they're whipped before even meeting, or if you don't care as much as they'd expect you to.... then boom, they will chase after your emotions since they've already had your pussy.

Men are pathetic.

Just get more things from them. I only did it with my most recent guy since I really wanted a new person to fantasize over. (WHOOHOO, NO MORE HAUNTED MEMORIES FROM THE TERRIBLE MAN I DATED FOR HALF A YEAR! More hot guys with sexy dad bods that give KILLER massages and can bury their face in my pussy for ages.)

God, that boy is mad blessed.... Whew, blessed!

Anyway. Aiming for less emotional attachments to men. I think I should just go for more fuckboy types; the ones that show up in my DMs spamming me, instead of the ones who I chase.

Since honestly, I don't feel too attracted to men very often. And at least with the most disappointing or unattractive men, they at least have the decency to be repulsive OFF THE BAT! Instead of a slow burn trap that feels like you'd have to gnaw your own leg off to freaking escape from...

Plus, I respect that the stupid or ugly ones in my area feel the need to "flex" with me. I'm naturally down to earth, (a.k.a. I didn't think a 19 year old withdrawing 500 from the bank is cute,) but seeing how hoelike these men can be..... fuck it. I can go "Let's just grab a burger and open up!", and they'll get annoyed, realize they have no real substance that would interest me and refuse to try to connect, past the dynamic of "i must woo this girl with my money as she strokes my ego and pretends that im fucking amazing", and they leave..... So fuck em.

I recently made a Yelp list of every high end restaurant in my city.

Any time an overly flashy and godawful guy comes into my DMs, trying to flirt, or strike up unprovoked conversation, I'll just hit them with a "So when are you gonna take my cute self out to eat? I hope it's somewhere nice to show me off at".

Then boom, get a guy to take me to a high end restaurant I'd take myself to. Keep him interested, but not stroke his ego. The typical "oh, this hot girl isn't interested in me??? How do i win her over????", and then..... oh look.... the restaurant is RIGHT next to the mall.....

Then from there, let's hope he spends.

Its worked in the past, should work now.

Peace yalls.

[billypilgrimisunstuck-blog]

I should be completely disconnected from him now…

So here we go. From this point on, this will be my journal. You don’t know who I am if you stumble upon this & that is better for me.

I don’t like writing in note books bc someone can stumble over that & honestly at least this is what I’ve chosen to share… That’s important to me, having a choice in what I am & am not open about.

My sister told me everyone copes differently, & this is just my way.

I was going to go on a tech purge, but I feel so isolated doing that… I don’t like being disconnected from the outside world. It’s not good for people like me. I’m alone in real life right now bc my sister is on vacation w/ her fiance & my little brother.

So disconnecting completely from the outside world is a bad idea, I get extremely paranoid. For example last night I slept with a knife beside the couch, because it was my first night sleeping completely by myself in a long time.

I’m always paranoid… That’s never going to go away. Ever since I was little I used to run & hide when I heard cars coming because I was afraid someone was coming to get me…

I’m being open about this now because honestly I’ve gotten a little numb to it. Sometimes I get scared, but today, I figure if someone is watching what does it really matter. Because at this point they’ve probably seen the worst of me.

So let’s be open. I’m crazy. I’m schizoaffective w/ Bipolar I officially diagnosed twice. I do hear voices, that wasn’t a lie. I do see things sometimes. That also wasn’t a lie. I am paranoid. I sometimes can’t speak right… & My brain does get slower. Perhaps not as bad as I make it out to be… But I feel like sometimes if I don’t exaggerate no one will believe how serious my condition is.

I pass out sometimes… Not all the time. I think it’s bc of anxiety.

I get really bad panic attacks & I do dissociate. Perhaps it’s not as bad as I made it out to be too…

The panic attacks are though. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe & my chest starts to hurt really badly. My right hand shakes violently… My left not as much.

I was molested by a female cousin at 7. I was raped my first time at 16. I moved out of my mom’s at 17 bc she wanted to kick out a girl who was pregnant. Turns out the girl wasn’t pregnant. But it still didn’t make it ok.

I moved in with the girl & met a guy… A real fucking asshole. I fell head over heels for him. One of his crazy ex girl friends pulled a butcher knife on me & waved it in my face bc my friend slept with her current boyfriend & the girl w/ the knife was pregnant with his baby. She also kicked the shit out of my poor cat. As did the man I was with, & then he took the cat & dropped it in the middle of nowhere.

I did get addicted to coke bc of him or perhaps bc I was stupid. I detoxed alone at my mother’s & was somehow able to hide it from her… Shakes, sweats, hallucinating bc of my schizophrenia, vomiting, it fucking sucked. She never noticed. Probably bc she was too busy trying to fuck everything that moved & was an alcoholic.

He would fuck me so hard I would bleed… So I was told I might not be able to have children… I don’t know if that’s true, but Im not mature enough to have kids right now anyways.

I’m still too selfish.

I moved to St. Augustine after that. Met a girl with a boyfriend… I liked her a lot. Him not so much. We fooled around a bit before he walked in. He wanted to join in & I wasn’t in to it. I don’t feel comfortable w/ 3 somes.

I left & went home. I felt like shit bc I helped her cheat. She moved away.

Then I met my current husband soon to be ex. He seemed nice. He wasn’t. He did rape me. It was after a party. He got too drunk. He also treated me like his fucking kid. He controlled everything. & Although he didn’t beat me everyday there was physical abuse & verbal.

Everything I did he criticized.

& So I went back to thinking someone who didn’t know I exist might love me… Might actually care…

But I’m crazy, remember. So I thought I had a chance…

This person is amazing… Yeah they were human. Yeah they fucked up too… But to me they were special. Smart, funny, kind, no nonsense… But mostly they were honest.

They spoke their mind & didn’t hide who they were. I crave that I guess.

I mean yes they are attractive… But it’s not as important. I’ve dated guys covered in acne, large men, too thin guys, beautiful but insane girls, guys covered in hair…

Looks aren’t important… Not as much as personality.

& The last time I fell, I was tricked… Someone on a parody account on Twitter fucked with my head badly… & I fell for it. I thought they were him…

Same thing happened this time on Reddit…

I think every mysterious person is him… Except this time I invited him…

It was stupid of me. Bc I know I’m not his type. I’m not super attractive. I’m not ugly, but I’m no super model either.

I just want someone who values me for who I am…

Maybe one day.

But for now I’m trying to be better… Trying to learn not to be selfish & to be more open, honest, & less aggressive. I don’t want to change who I am… But I don’t want to be a monster either. I’m tired of being Frankenstein’s Creature.

Killing everything I misunderstand.

It’s really hard. Old memories keep coming back. Awful shit I’ve been through. Awful shit done to me or that I’ve done to others…

& The voices won’t fucking stop about it… Just always tearing me down, making me feel awful.

Perhaps that’s why I was too scared to talk to him… Bc They made me feel like shit.

& Idk what that dream was about honestly… I always assume everything.

But I’m still here… Still trying.

& I didn’t try to kill myself bc of him… He had nothing to do with it… I don’t think he was really ever paying attention. & I’m not mad at him for that.

I just felt trapped. My family & I weren’t talking bc I fucked everything up with them, my mom was not a good place for me to go. I felt like a burden to everyone else…

So I tried… I tried twice but the blade was too dull… I don’t even get to have a cool survival scar bc that’s how fucking dull the exact knife was…

Then I had to beg to go to inpatient bc my soon ex said we couldn’t afford it…

Money was always more important to him. That & his fucking racist friend.

I understand, it was his only friend, but the guys constantly talked shit about everything. Mental illness, black people, it was too much…

I couldn’t sit there one more day & listen to my husband agree & then act differently when he left…

& I didn’t feel safe, so it spiked my paranoia bad.

I don’t remember everything right now. One of my symptoms is that my memory is shot… But if I think of anything I’ll add it later.

I don’t know if anyone is reading this… Right now I don’t care… I just needed to get it out without being sexualized…

I tried opening up to someone & they tried fucking with my head too…

I tried to be nice to them, I gave them my number bc they felt down & needed someone to talk to. I sent them funny videos to try to cheer them up. I gave them a link to my Instagram bc they said people smiling made them happy…

Then they disappeared… Bc what they wanted was probably masturbation material…

I’m so tired of people doing this to me… Tired of being sexualized & treated like a toy… Like property.

I just want love… Just once. Real love. Not lies or abuse or sodomy.

I want someone to grow old with. To sing with. To share books & art with… To love & be loved as we are…

But I guess I have a long way to go before then.

If it ever happens.