#lesley groves

[queenshelby]

Chemical Reactions (P. 8)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy as J Robert Oppenheimer x Student Reader

Warning: Lots of Dialogue, Age-Gap, Infidelity

Words: 1,670

Note: The fic is spoiler free and my own fantasy and imagination. It is not historically and scientifically accurate.

Previous Parts: 1; 2; 3; 4; 5; 6; 7

THIS PART IS DIALOGUE HEAVY AND PART EIGHT WILL BE SIMILAR, BOTH PARTS ARE NECESSARY THOUGH TO EXPAND THE STORY.

Two weeks later...

Two weeks had passed and, still, there had been no word from Robert. He had not contacted you and no one at the science faculty knew where he was. Haakon, too, had not heard from him and you certainly did not want to ask his wife Kitty about his whereabouts, no matter how worried you were when it came to his safety.

Over the past week, however, governmental security at Berkley had been ramped up and, in particular, Robert’s office as well as the two physics labs across the hallway from it, were guarded by army personnel.

No one was allowed to enter and, even though this impacted the research for your thesis, you did not dare to argue with these intimidating men, carrying guns and grimacing looks on their faces.

One man, in particular, stood out to you. He was tall, arrogant, and even more intimidating than the other. He was only there occasionally to check on how matters were progressing and it was this very same man who pulled you aside on a Friday afternoon and asked you to join him in Robert’s office.

“My name is General Lesley Groves” he introduced himself before gesturing for you to sit down on the chair across from Robert’s desk while he took a seat on Robert’s chair.

“Y/N Y/LN, pleasure to meet you” you said, attempting to shake his hand, but he would not allow it and gave you a stern look instead.

“I know who you are” he then said before placing a file with your name written atop of it on the desk, close enough for you to read the sentence “Security File” but far enough away from you for you not to reach it.

“Okay, so why am I here, in this room, with you, General Groves?” you asked nervously but politely, seeing how intimidating this man was for you.

“You are here because Dr J Robert Oppenheimer thinks very highly of you and I need to determine why” he told you sternly and hearing those words from the General came as a relief to you as, at least now, you knew that Robert was thinking of you.

“It’s about his project then, isn’t it?” you asked, wanting get some more information from this intimidating man who, unbeknownst to you at this point, was not going to give anything away.

“The project?” he thus asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “Now tell me, Miss Y/LN, what did Dr Oppenheimer tell you about the project?” he then wanted to know why giving you another intimidating look over.

“Nothing much. He just said that he would like me to join his team and that it would be a good career opportunity” you lied, causing the General to furrow his eyebrows again, this time more evidently than before.

“Well, he actually asked for two of his students to join this highly secretive government operation and, in both instances, security clearance was denied” the General pointed out, causing your heart to sink. You expected this to be the case since, after all, your parents were well known communists and, yet, you had been somewhat hopeful for a miracle.

“Now, with respect to the other student, my staff’s decision to deny him clearance was accepted by Dr Oppenheimer. There was no issue whatsoever. With you, however, Dr Oppenheimer held firm to his belief that your involvement in the project is vital. With your status as an undergrad student however, I cannot, for the life of me, understand why your involvement is so important to a man of Dr Oppenheimer’s intelligence. So, perhaps, you can shed some light into his reasons me?” the General then asked you in the most intimidating manner and you really did not know what to say and how to answer him.

“Did you ask him about his reasons?” you thus asked without receiving any sort of reaction from General Groves. “Because, if not, I suggest that you do that rather than interrogate me. Now would you excuse me” you then told him while standing up. You were ready to leave and, since the General did nothing but stare at you for the past two minutes, you were frustrated by the situation. You knew that there was nothing you could do about the army’s decision to deny your security clearance and, thus, simply wanted to put this matter to rest.

The General, however, would not allow you to go just yet and ordered you to sit down, which was a request with which you reluctantly complied.

“I asked Dr Oppenheimer about his reasons and he seems to think that your approach to quantum physics is innovative and new. You are an A grade student and your work at Harvard was exceptional and so is your work at Berkley, which is why I am considering his request to review your security clearance rejection which, was actioned by one of my senior staff members last week” Lesley Groves explained and you thought that, perhaps, there was still a chance for you to get on to the project.

“What do you want to know?” you thus asked while leaning forward and pressing your hands together nervously, fidgeting and sweating all at the same time.

“I want to know about your communist associations” General Groves then requested and you chuckled.

“I am not a communist and I have cut ties with everyone who is a party member so, really, there are is no association” you told him with quite some confidence in your voice and, the truth was, that you had nothing to hide.

“Your father was recently arrested for suspected treason. What do you have to say about that?” the General then went on to ask while taking some notes and, again, you managed to answer him confidently.

“Suspected, yes, but I doubt that he actually committed an offence. He is not that stupid. In any event, I have not spoken to him in over a year so I my thoughts on this matter are neutral” you explained as you had no intel on your father’s party involvement these days.

“Are you a communist party member?” Lesley Groves then asked which, again, earned him a chuckle.

“You already know that I am not and never was, myself, a party member. I am sure that information is in your file” you informed him and, for a moment, he chuckled himself. He knew that you were right. This information was, indeed, in his file and, yet, he asked you about it nonetheless.

“What is your relationship to J Robert Oppenheimer?” was the next question he asked and this question caused you to lie.

“He is my professor and thesis supervisor” you told him which, of course, was the truth.

“Is that all he is to you?” the General then wanted to know and you nodded.

“Yes” you lied, which is when the General retrieved two letters from your security file.

“Would you like to reconsider your answer?” he then asked as he handed you the letters which, clearly, he had already opened and read.

“What is this?” you asked before puling them apart and commencing to read them slowly while General Groves remained silent, giving you some time to digest the content of them which, to your surprise, was largely romantic in nature.

Both letters were from Robert and included poems as well as accounts of your sexual encounter. The letters were explicit in nature but also highly passionate which was something that surprised you. He clearly missed you and he most certainly had already developed strong feelings for you, using phrases like “my love” and talking of your future together which, in your mind, did not even exist.

“Oh my god, did you read these?” you eventually asked with blushing cheeks, seeing how personal these letters were.

“Yes, I did” the General answered you bluntly and you broke out in anger.

“These letters are personal. You had no right” you began to say angrily which is when General Groves interrupted you.

“This is a national emergency Miss Y/LN. We are at war with Germany and I am here to ensure that a project like the one being implemented right now isn’t subject to treason. The last thing this country needs is information being leaked to the enemy” he told you with a voice stern and authoritive.

“You mean the allies” you chuckled, causing the General to give you a look of confusion.

“What?” he asked and you ought to clarify.

“Your concern is that someone like myself would leak information to the soviet-union. This is why you are doing all this, is it not?” you asked while rolling your eye in disbelieve.

“Perhaps. So, let me ask you again, what is your relationship with J Robert Oppenheimer?” the General then repeated and you answered him again, this time more truthfully than before.

“I am his student. He is my professor and thesis supervisor. We had sexual relations once” you admitted while crossing your arms. “Now are you satisfied?” you asked and, indeed, he was.

“Yes, I am. I am satisfied that my colleague has made the right decision to deny your security clearance” General Groves announced and your heart dropped. “You can keep the letters, noting that I have asked Dr Oppenheimer to refrain from contacting you again. No doubt you will be attending his lecture at Berkley next week, which will be his last, following his resignation as professor at this facility. But other than that, I expect there to be no further contact moving forward. Do you understand?” Lesley Groves then asked and, whilst you tried hard to hold back your tears, you could not and stood abruptly before barging towards the door, thereby ignoring his question.

“Miss Y/LN, I would suggest that you choose your intimate partners more wisely moving forward. The rejection of your security clearance will be noted on record, thus impacting future employment opportunities” the General then said as you had already turned your back to him and this, itself, hurt even more, knowing that you would now struggle finding employment in the field you were so passionate about.

To be continued…

Please comment and engage. I love getting comments and predictions pretty please!

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[xtruss]

Tina Cordova and her mother, Rosalie, relax at Bonito Lake, New Mexico, in 1960. Cordova says the lake—which lies within the estimated radioactive fallout zone—was a water source for area towns, including Carrizozo, Alamogordo, and Ruidoso. Courtesy of Anastacio and Rosalie Cordova

U.S. Lawmakers Move Urgently to Recognize Survivors of the First Atomic Bomb Test

The 1945 Trinity test produced heat 10,000 times greater than the surface of the sun and spread fallout across the country.

— By Lesley M.M. Blume | Published September 21, 2021 | July 29th, 2023

Barbara Kent joined Carmadean’s dance camp in the desert near Ruidoso, New Mexico, in the summer of 1945. During the day, she and nine other girls learned tap and ballet. At night, they slept in a cabin by a river. Early in the morning on July 16, 1945, Kent says that she —then 13—and the other campers were jolted out of their bunk beds by what felt like an enormous explosion nearby. Their dance instructor rushed the girls outside, worried that a heater on the premises might have burst.

“We were all just shocked … and then, all of a sudden, there was this big cloud overhead, and lights in the sky,” Kent recalls. “It even hurt our eyes when we looked up. The whole sky turned strange. It was as if the sun came out tremendous.”

A few hours later, she says, white flakes began to fall from above. Excited, the girls put on their bathing suits and, amid the flurries, began playing in the river. “We were grabbing all of this white, which we thought was snow, and we were putting it all over our faces,” Kent says. “But the strange thing, instead of being cold like snow, it was hot. And we all thought, ‘Well, the reason it’s hot is because it’s summer.’ We were just 13 years old.”

Thirteen-year-old Barbara Kent (center) and her fellow campers play in a river near Ruidoso, New Mexico, on July 16, 1945, in the hours after the bomb’s detonation. Fallout flakes drifted down that day and for days afterward. “We thought [it] was snow," Kent says. “But the strange thing, instead of being cold like snow, it was hot." Courtesy of Barbara Kent

The flakes were fallout from the Manhattan Project’s Trinity test, the world’s first atomic bomb detonation. It took place at 5:29 a.m. local time atop a hundred-foot steel tower 40 miles away at the Alamogordo Bombing and Gunnery Range, in Jornada del Muerto valley.

The site had been selected in part for its supposed isolation. In reality, thousands of people were within a 40-mile radius, some as close as 12 miles away. Yet all those living near the bomb site weren't warned that the test would take place. Nor were they evacuated beforehand or afterward, even as radioactive fallout continued to drop for days.

The Trinity test took place at 5:29 a.m. local time on July 16, 1945. It was three to five times more powerful than its creators had anticipated, producing heat 10,000 times greater than the surface of the sun. The explosion cloud may have reached a height of 70,000 feet. Photograph By Science History Images/ Alamy

In 1990, the U.S. Congress passed the Radiation Exposure Compensation Act (RECA), which has since dispensed over two billion dollars to more than 45,000 nuclear workers and “downwinders”—a term describing people who have lived near nuclear test sites conducted since World War II and may have been exposed to deadly radioactive fallout.

But those exposed during the Trinity test and its aftermath have never been eligible.

For years, Senator Ben Ray Lujan, a Democrat from New Mexico, and other members of Congress have attempted to amend RECA, due to expire on July 11, 2022. In light of this looming deadline, on September 22, Lujan, along with Senator Mike Crapo, Republican of Idaho, and eight co-sponsors introduced Senate bill S. 2798 to extend RECA and expand it to make those in the estimated Trinity fallout zone eligible, as well as other downwinder communities in Colorado, Idaho, and Montana. The proposed legislation also would expand eligibility for people who have worked in uranium mines and mills or transported uranium ore. Also on September 22, Representative Teresa Leger Fernandez and 15 co-sponsors introduced a similar bill, H.R. 5338, in the House.

The plutonium bomb—nicknamed the Gadget—was set atop this hundred-foot steel tower, which vaporized in the explosion. "From the Trinity test,” a 2010 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report noted, “it was learned that detonating a nuclear explosive device [that] close to the ground increases the radioactive fallout from the event." Photograph Via CORBIS/Getty

Manhattan Project leaders—including General Leslie Groves (center) and, to his right, physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer—scrutinize the remnants of the tower at ground zero. Upon seeing the detonation, Oppenheimer thought of a line from the Bhagavad Gita: "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." Photograph Via CORBIS/Getty

“The fact that there had not been a recognition of the impact of the very first atomic detonation in New Mexico was really simply wrong,” says Representative Teresa Leger Fernandez, a Democrat from New Mexico and co-sponsor of the House bill. “We hear their voices, we see their pain, and we must act.”

This is an especially urgent and consequential moment for those living in Trinity’s estimated fallout zone—some of whom have been waiting 76 years to be acknowledged. “We have been denied justice long enough,” says Bernice Gutierrez, who was a newborn when the bomb exploded. Her family lived in Carrizozo, about 50 miles from the blast site. “It’s not like we haven’t given our all to our country. What more can you give?”

‘A Very Serious Hazard’

The blast from the plutonium implosion device, nicknamed the Gadget, produced heat 10,000 times greater than the surface of the sun and was significantly more powerful than its creators had expected. It carried aloft hundreds of tons of irradiated soil and sent a mushroom cloud up to 70,000 feet in the sky. In this experimental atomic detonation, only three of the 13 pounds of plutonium at the bomb’s center underwent fission. The rest dispersed in the fallout cloud.

A tiny fraction of that three pounds of plutonium—about the weight of a raisin—was enough to release “three times the destructive force of the largest conventional bomb used in World War II,” says Robert Alvarez, associate fellow at the Institute of Policy Studies and former senior policy advisor to the U.S. Secretary of Energy. (The Gadget released an explosive force equivalent to about 21,000 tons of TNT.)

Right after detonation, the cloud divided into three parts. One part drifted east, another to the west and northwest, and the rest to the northeast, across a region a hundred miles long and 30 miles wide, “dropping its trail of fission products” the entire way, according to a 2010 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The fallout eventually spread over thousands of square miles and was detected as far away as Rochester, New York.

Nineteen counties in New Mexico were in the downwind area, including 78 towns and cities, and dozens of ranches and pueblos. Radiation levels near homes in some “hot spots” reached levels “almost 10,000 times what is currently allowed in public areas,” according to the CDC.

“There is still a tremendous quantity of radioactive dust floating in the air,” wrote Stafford Warren to U.S. Army General Leslie R. Groves, head of the Manhattan Project, five days after the blast. Warren, the project’s chief medical officer, added that “a very serious [radiation] hazard” existed within a 2,700-square-mile area downwind of the test.

He also advised that future atomic tests be done only where there were no people within a radius of 150 miles. (Nearly half a million people in New Mexico, Texas, and Mexico lived within a 150-mile radius of the Trinity test.)

“We didn’t know what the hell we were doing,” Louis Hempelmann—the director of the Los Alamos Health Group, a team tasked with managing radiation within the Manhattan Project—reflected in a 1986 interview uncovered by sociologist James L. Nolan, Jr., in his book Atomic Doctors. “Nobody had had any experience like this before, and we were just hoping that the situation wouldn’t get terribly sticky.”

The leaders of the Manhattan Project knew that civilians had been “probably overexposed,” Hempelmann said. “But they couldn’t prove it and we couldn’t prove it. So we just assumed that we got away with it.”

Many civilians living within the estimated fallout zone were unwittingly exposed and sickened. According to Alvarez, even minute quantities of plutonium can inflict disease. “Particles of plutonium less than a few microns in diameter can penetrate deep in the lungs and lymph nodes and can also be deposited via the bloodstream in the liver, on bone surfaces, and in other organs,” he says. “If inhaled, extremely small amounts can lead to cancer.”

How is it, asks Senator Lujan, that RECA covered people living downwind of the Nevada Test Site but left out “the community where the first nuclear bomb was tested on American soil? There’s not been a good answer given to me nor to the downwinders in New Mexico. There’s no question of the exposure that resulted from the Trinity test.”

The explosion seared the desert sand surrounding the tower into a green, glass-like substance, named Trinitite. Photograph Via Bettmann/Getty

Something Felt Terribly Awry

Several people living near the test site later reported that they thought they were experiencing the end of the world. The strange, snowlike substance that fell from the sky for days coated everything: orchards, gardens, livestock, as well as cisterns, ponds, and rivers—the main sources of drinking water because local groundwater was “unsuitable for human consumption,” according to the 2010 CDC report.

One family in Oscuro, New Mexico, about 45 miles from the site, hung wet bedsheets in their windows against the fallout. They felt that something was terribly awry when their chickens and their dog died. Thirty miles away from ground zero, along Chupadera Mesa, burns appeared on the hides of cattle, whose fur eventually grew back gray and white in the burned patches.

A health care provider in Roswell, a hundred miles away, noted a surge in infant deaths there—35 in August 1945 alone. When she wrote to Warren, stating her concerns, his medical assistant replied that there were no “pertinent data” and assured her that “the safety and health of the people at large is not in any way endangered.”

“They Lied To Us. I Didn’t Learn The Truth Until Years Later.” — BatbaraKent, Trinity Test Survivor

For General Groves, getting the bomb ready—in secrecy—for wartime use had trumped all other considerations, including public safety.

Yet he realized that a blast whose flash was seen in at least three states and two countries could not be wholly concealed. He ordered the commanding officer of the Alamogordo Air Base to feed a cover story to the Associated Press that “a remotely located ammunition magazine containing a considerable amount of high explosives and pyrotechnics exploded.” There had been, the report went on, “no loss of life or injury.” Local newspapers reprinted the announcement without challenge.

Barbara Kent recalls that the day after the explosion, her camp’s dance instructor took the girls into Ruidoso, where government officials were to make an announcement about the source of the blast.

“It was so crowded downtown—everyone was shoulder to shoulder,” Kent says. “What they told us—there was an explosion at a dump. They said, ‘No one worry about anything, everything’s fine, just go along with your own business.’ Everyone was confused. Some people believed it, but some people thought they couldn’t imagine that a dump explosion would do this." She continues: "They lied to us. I didn’t learn the truth until years later.”

As time passed, Kent says she began to hear disturbing reports that her fellow campers were falling ill. By the time she turned 30, she says, “I was the only survivor of all the girls at that camp.” She adds that she has suffered from lifelong illnesses: She had to have her thyroid removed and has survived several forms of cancer, including endometrial cancer and “all kinds of skin cancers.”

In this photograph from 1962, three-year-old Tina Cordova (bottom right) is pictured with her father, Anastacio (holding her baby brother, Matthew), and mother Rosalie. The young family lived in Tularosa, about 40 miles from the blast site. Everything they ate, Tina recalls, “was raised or grown or hunted," adding that the bomb’s “ash got everywhere, in the soil, in the water—everything was contaminated." She says her mother and father developed cancers, and she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when she was 39. Courtesy of Anastacio and Rosalie Cordova

Tina Cordova is a fifth-generation resident of Tularosa, about 40 miles from the blast site. Thanks to an extensive ditch system in the area, the town was an oasis in the desert, and Cordova’s family’s home, like many others, had an orchard and garden.

“You could literally go out into your yard in the summer and eat peaches, apricots, cherries, figs, dates, pecans, walnuts—everything you could think of,” she says. Local people harvested and canned their fruit and collected rainwater for drinking from rooftop cisterns. Milk came from local dairies. People made their own butter and butchered farmyard animals or hunted wild animals for meat, including deer, quail, rabbit, and pheasant.

“Everything that people were consuming in 1945 was contaminated,” Cordova says. “But they didn’t know [the fallout was] dangerous. They went about their lives.”

After the test, she says, health problems began to plague her family, all of whom lived in and around Tularosa. According to Cordova, two of her great-grandfathers died of stomach cancer, and both of her grandmothers developed cancer. Two aunts had breast cancer, and one died from it. A cousin developed a brain tumor. Her mother had mouth cancer, and her sister has skin cancer. Her father, who was four at the time of the blast, suffered from various cancers, including prostate cancer and tongue cancer. Doctors had to remove part of his tongue and his lymph nodes. The cancer eventually spread to his neck and became inoperable. Cordova says he weighed about 125 pounds at his death in 2013 at the age of 71. She says that she herself was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 1997, when she was 39.

‘When Are They Going To Hold Our Government Accountable?’

After the U.S. leveled Hiroshima with a uranium bomb on August 6, 1945, the secret history of the creation of atomic weapons was released and widely publicized. Many New Mexicans now realized that the blast that had shattered their windows and blanketed their homes in warm ash was not, after all, an ammunition dump explosion. Although they still hadn't been informed by the government about the nature of that ash or monitored for adverse health effects, they were encouraged to be proud of the part they’d unknowingly played in bringing about the dramatic new atomic age.

“When I was a child, the government fed us propaganda about how much pride we should take in the part we played in ending World War Two,” Cordova says. “We still did not know what that meant from a health consequence perspective. Our mom actually took us to the [Trinity] site for a picnic. We brought home as much Trinitite as we could and played with it.” (The Trinity Site is now a National Historic Landmark, open to visitors twice a year, and anyone can go online and buy radioactive fragments of Trinitite—a green glass created from sand and other materials that melted in the immediate blast zone.)

The U.S. Army erected this monument at ground zero in 1965. Ten years later, the National Park Service designated Trinity Site as a National Historic Landmark. It’s open to visitors twice a year, on the first Saturdays in April and October. Photograph By Tony Korody, SYGMA Via Getty

In 2004, Cordova read a letter from another Tularosa resident, Fred Tyler, to the editor of a local newspaper. She says that the letter changed her life. “He said, ‘When are they going to hold our government accountable for the damage they did to us?’ ” Cordova says. “I called him and said, ‘I feel the same way you do. It’s time to start an organization to more fully push the government about this issue.’ ”

In 2005, Cordova and Tyler founded the Tularosa Basin Downwinders Consortium (TBDC) as an advocacy organization for Trinity test downwinders.

At that time, she recalls, they weren’t aware that the Radiation Exposure Compensation Act had been in place for 15 years and already had provided onetime, $50,000 compensation to other downwinders who “may have developed cancer or other specified diseases after being exposed to radiation from atomic weapons testing or uranium mining, milling, or transporting.” Downwinder eligibility initially was limited to those within specified areas around the Nevada Test Site, 65 miles north of Las Vegas, where a hundred aboveground tests were conducted before a moratorium on atomic testing took effect in 1992.

In 2000, an amendment to RECA expanded eligibility to include some uranium miners and millers in New Mexico. Military and government workers who were “on-site participants” in the Trinity test were also eligible for compensation, but civilian downwinders remained ineligible.

Cordova, like Senator Lujan, says she has “never been able to get a straight answer” about why civilian downwinders were excluded from the legislation: “Even from people who were serving in Congress at the time, I’ve been told, ‘Well, no one was connecting the dots that anybody was harmed.’ ”

Bill Richardson—a Democrat who served as New Mexico’s governor from 2003 to 2011 and was a representative for the state’s Third Congressional District in 1990 when RECA was enacted—says, “I don’t think there was opposition [to their inclusion], just perhaps a lack of awareness. I didn’t know about their claims until I started reading about it when I was governor, and I was sympathetic.”

To raise awareness, Cordova and her colleagues at the consortium began to gather testimonies from and distribute health surveys to downwinders who were alive at the time of the Trinity test, along with their descendants who have lived in areas surrounding the test site. To date, the consortium has collected more than 1,000 surveys, and Cordova says that 100 percent of those questioned describe adverse health conditions—from thyroid disease to brain cancer—that can result from radiation exposure. Often participants describe similar cancers that have ravaged many family members over several generations.

‘A Now-or-Never Moment’

Cordova describes this effort to extend and expand RECA as a “now-or-never moment.” Senator Mike Crapo, an Idaho Republican and co-sponsor of the Senate bill, says there’s a “dire need for Congress to extend RECA … [and] to include victims in states across the West.”

“It is beyond time for the federal government to right a past wrong that caused harm to countless innocent Americans,” he wrote in a letter on March 24, 2021, to the chairman and members of the House Judiciary Committee.

“We Hear Their Voices, We See Their Pain, and We Must Act.” — TeresaLeger Fernandez, Representative to Congress, New Mexico

“When [RECA] was first introduced, no one considered the impact on the first downwinders,” Representative Fernandez says. “But we are in a place now where we recognize an injustice when we see it.” Her family lived in San Miguel and Guadalupe Counties in New Mexico, areas of potential exposure. She says her mother and sister—both nonsmokers—died of lung cancer. Her father died of esophageal cancer, she says, and her grandmother, who grew up near the Trinity site, died of leukemia.

Fernandez and Lujan say they’re also going to push for new epidemiological and environmental studies of the Trinity test’s aftermath and possible long-term effects.

Assessing Trinity’s exact “fingerprint” based on current fallout levels is “complicated and subject to large uncertainties,” says health physicist Joseph Shonka, co-author of the 2010 CDC report. He notes that residents of New Mexico have higher positive plutonium levels in their tissues than residents of any other state but says that tracing those levels back specifically to Trinity fallout might be difficult.

New Mexicans also may have internalized plutonium from various additional sources, he says, including general global fallout, releases from New Mexico’s Los Alamos plutonium operations, and fallout that drifted down from Nevada’s Test Site. The CDC recommended prioritizing Trinity’s aftermath for future studies.

Last year, the National Cancer Institute (NCI) released its findings from a nearly seven-year study of the Trinity nuclear test. The study’s lead investigator, Steven Simon, calls it the “most comprehensive study conducted on the Trinity test and its possible ramifications for cancer risks in the estimated fallout area.”

The researchers concluded that up to a thousand people may have developed cancer from the Trinity test fallout and that “only small geographic areas immediately downwind to the northeast received exposures of any significance.” They also said that the “plutonium deposited as a result of the Trinity test was unlikely to have resulted in significant health risks to the downwind population.”

The researchers also acknowledged their study’s limitations. Calculating exposure for those alive at the time of the detonation is “complex and is subject to uncertainties,” Simon explains, “because all of the needed data is not available."

Shonka says the new NCI study “failed to address early fallout adequately.” He says he questions some of the methodology and is preparing a counter-article addressing what he says are inconsistencies with previous findings. Other critics of the NCI study say it doesn’t address ongoing family cancer clusters and the reported 1945 spike in infant deaths in the region, documented in a 2019 paper in the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, co-authored by Robert Alvarez.

The NCI responds that its researchers focused on exposures received among “New Mexico residents alive at the time of the test,” and that they didn’t investigate the infant mortality because it was “not a cancer effect.”

Senator Lujan calls the NCI study “limited” and says that he wants to “make sure that there’s accurate data that truly is looking at the exposure that families face.”

“How can someone say that families in proximity to a nuclear blast were not exposed?” he asks. “It goes against everything that I’ve learned and data sets that I’ve seen from different parts of the world where this has happened, whether it’s been from meltdown of nuclear energy generation facilities or where weapons were deployed.”

Lujan continues, “People died as a result of the Trinity test—that’s a fact. People are still suffering—that’s a fact. The U.S. needs to come forward to address this liability, this wrong.”

Cordova says she and her community will be closely watching the RECA bills’ progress. The new legislation asks to expand compensation for individuals from $50,000 to $150,000. But beyond financial restitution, Cordova says, they’re also hoping simply for a government apology.

“We’ve never had an opportunity to live normal lives,” she says. “They can never say that they didn’t know ahead of time that radiation was harmful or that there was going to be fallout. We don’t ask if we’re going to get cancer; we ask when it’s going to be our turn. We are the forgotten collateral damage.”

— Lesley M. M. Blume is a New York Times best-selling historian, journalist, and author of Fallout: The Hiroshima Cover-up and the Reporter Who Revealed It to the World.

[angelofthenight]

Playlist for Last Man Alive

( This just a playlist of random songs that go with/relate to my fic,, if u think of a song that u think should be here feel free to comment it and I’ll add it! Songs in green are the ones that suite the most perfectly )

~

Closer - Nine Inch Nails

Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift

Boyfriend - Dove Cameron

Dear John TV - Taylor Swift

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things - Taylor Swift

Never Ever Getting Rid Of Me - Waitress

Meant to Be Yours - Heathers

Karma - Taylor Swift

Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

I Did Something Bad - Taylor Swift

The Red Means I Love You - Madds Buckley

Lotta True Crime - Penelope Scott

Invisible String - Taylor Swift

Dead Girl Walking Reprise - Heathers

Jealous Girl - Lana Del Rey

Haunted TV - Taylor Swift

An Unhealthy Obsession - The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra

Love Story cover - Sarah Cothran

You’re On Your Own, Kid - Taylor Swift

Somebody’s Watching Me - Rockwell

Gods & Monsters - Lana Del Rey

The Beast in Me - Bonnie Pointer

Right Where You Left Me - Taylor Swift

Until I Found You - Stephen Sanchez

Thriller - Michael Jackson

Oblivion - Grimes

Yo Girl - Heathers

Always Forever - Cults

Hey Lover - The Daughters of Eve

Get Out Of My Head - Tryhardninja

Tag, You’re It - Melanie Martinez

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

Paparazzi - Lady Gaga

Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift

Tonight You Belong To Me - Patience & Prudence

Cool for the Summer - Demi Lovato

Pacify Her - Melanie Martinez

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Knee Socks - Arctic Monkeys

Christmas Kids - Roar

You Don’t Own Me - Lesley Gore

You Don’t Own Me - SAYGRACE

Illicit Affairs - Taylor Swift

Smoke and Mirrors - Jayn

Enchanted TV - Taylor Swift

Little Girls - Annie 2014

Hellfire - Hunchback of Notre Dame

Call Me Crazy - Gabbie Hanna

MONTERO - Lil Nas X

Strawberry Shortcake - Melanie Martinez

You Belong With Me TV - Taylor Swift

Senpai Notice Me - Random Encounters

I Can Hear The Bells - Hairspray

All Men Are Pigs - Studio Killers

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

Take A Hint - Victorious

Play Date - Melanie Martinez

Our Love is God - Heathers

Better Than Revenge TV - Taylor Swift

Ready or Not - Bridgit Mendler

Teacher’s Pet - Melanie Martinez

Norman fucking Rockwell - Lana Del Rey

August - Taylor Swift

Cake - Melanie Martinez

The Archer - Taylor Swift

Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga

Clean TV - Taylor Swift

Hopelessly Devoted To You - Grease

Final Girl - Graveyardguy

My Tears Ricochet - Taylor Swift

This Little Girl - Cady Groves

Obsessed With You - The Orion Experience

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - Taylor Swift

Lay All Your Love On Me - Abba

EVIL - Melanie Martinez

I’m Still Standing - Elton John

Using You - Mars Argo

All I Want For Christmas Is You cover - Chase Holfelder

Betty cover - Chase Holfelder

Michelle - Sir Chloe

You Are My Sunshine - Jimmie Davis

The Wolf - SIAMES

Obsession - Animotion

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - Abba

Head Over Heels - Tears For Fears

The Point of No Return - Phantom of the Opera

You’re the Inspiration - Chicago

I’m Just Ken - Barbie

Don’t You Want Me - The Human League

I Want You (She’s So Heavy) - The Beatles

Sunshine Superman - Donovan

Don’t You Ever Leave Me - Hanoi Rocks

Oh! Darling - The Beatles

[nickeverdeen]

Hi! I didn't see anything saying you weren't taking match ups, so I was wondering if you would make me a harry potter match up!

I'm a demifem, they/her, I'm a lesbian, intp. I'm very emotional, thinking about becoming a therapist. I don't cry a lot, but I get teary eyed from time to time. I talk to myself alot. like, ALOT.

music is a big part of my life, I like Alice Pheobe Lou, Clairo, Girl in Red, and Dreamer Isioma. I love oldies, (Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Lesley Gore) listen to most music, depending on my mood.

I wear Gremlincore[cottagecore but grunge, worms, mushrooms, bones], dark academia, chaotic academia, or outfits inspired by the 1920s-1970s. I have brown fluffy hair, layered pixie thing with bangs. I'm plus size, and 5'3, but wear old doc martens and boots.

I love nature, and make art. I do leather and wood pyrography, beadwork, and watercolor the most. I love moomin (fave: smufkin), Harry potter, studio ghibli(howls moving castle). I spend most of my money at estate sales and local resale stores.

I'm not super comfortable with touch, except for my partner. my romantic love languages are touch, words of affection, and time. my favorite plant is mossy weeping willows. I also love reading fantasy, mystery, and mythology(Celtic, Asian, Gaelic)

Your Harry Potter match is…

Luna Lovegood

Luna would love taking you on quiet walks through the Forbidden Forest or the Hogwarts grounds, pointing out magical creatures and plants

You both share a deep connection to the natural world, and she appreciates your knowledge of different plants, especially your love for mossy weeping willows

Luna would be fascinated by your leather and wood pyrography and beadwork

Luna would adore your Gremlincore and dark academia style, often borrowing elements from your wardrobe or gifting you odd trinkets she finds, thinking they’d suit your aesthetic perfectly

She might even introduce you to some of her eccentric accessories

Despite her usual dreamy demeanor, Luna has a way of understanding and supporting your emotions

When you're feeling down or teary-eyed, she offers a comforting presence, knowing just when to speak and when to let the silence heal

Luna enjoys your diverse music taste, especially when you introduce her to oldies like Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

Sometimes, you both sit by the fireplace in the Ravenclaw common room, listening to music together, with Luna occasionally humming along

Estate sales and resale stores are your shared paradise

Luna has an eye for unusual and unique items, and she loves how you can transform old finds into something beautiful through your art

Luna would join you in reading fantasy, mystery, and mythology books

She’s especially intrigued by mythology, often drawing parallels between ancient myths and magical creatures

You both spend hours lost in books, sharing theories and insights

Luna understands your discomfort with touch around others but loves how you seek out her embrace

Whether it's holding hands, resting your head on her shoulder, or gentle caresses, Luna cherishes these moments of connection with you

"Howl’s Moving Castle" would be a favorite film for both of you

Luna loves the whimsical nature of the Studio Ghibli world, and you bond over the beauty and depth of the films

She often compares you to Howl, seeing a kindred spirit in your creativity and depth

Luna encourages you to pursue your goal of becoming a therapist, often reminding you of your natural empathy and ability to understand others

You and Luna often talk late into the night, discussing your day, your dreams, or just random thoughts

Luna loves planning impromptu picnics for the two of you, often in secluded spots like near a hidden grove of willow trees or a quiet corner of the Hogwarts grounds

She packs quirky snacks and brings along some of her odd trinkets to show you

Luna is fiercely protective of you in her own gentle way

She doesn’t let anyone dismiss your emotions or belittle your thoughts

While she might seem aloof, she’s quick to step in when someone tries to hurt you

Luna frequently whispers sweet nothings or words of affection when you're together, especially when you're in your shared bubble of comfort

Luna would love to help you care for a small collection of magical plants, perhaps even finding some magical moss for you to add to your favorite plant collection

Luna loves watching you do pyrography, often fascinated by the intricate designs you create

Christmas with Luna is always magical

She’s as enthusiastic about the holiday as you are, often crafting homemade decorations and filling the air with a sense of wonder and joy

You two create your own little world during the holiday season, complete with traditions that are uniquely yours

Luna absolutely loves your fondness for Moomin, especially Snufkin

Luna loves your adventurous spirit and is always eager to join you in exploring new places

Whether it's wandering through the woods or discovering hidden corners of Hogwarts, every journey with you feels like a magical adventure

You and Luna find comfort in shared silences, often sitting together without the need for words

Whether you’re both engrossed in a book or simply enjoying each other’s presence, the silence between you is never awkward but filled with unspoken understanding

Your artistic talents inspire Luna in her own way, and she often weaves stories or creates little charms based on the designs you make

You both feed off each other’s creativity, making your bond even stronger and more magical

[liviavanrouge]

Matching Outfits

Davina(9): DADDY!

Satan: *Grunts as Davina leapt on him* Hi, Brat 1

Davino(9): *Walks in a book tucked underneath his arm*

Belial: *Waits by the door silently*

Satan: *Grins* Brat 2

Davina: Uncle Mammon is throwing Flavis a big birthday bash, can we go!

Satan: Hell no

Davino: They invited Lesley, Prism and Mister Michael with guaranteed safety...

Satan: *Stands up* Let's go

Davina: *Smiles teasingly* Daddy, are you chill with Mister Michael?

Satan: No, you brats wanna go so bad that your bribing me with that guy, so I'm taking you both

Belial: *Walks closer*

Satan: Fine..you can come, I know you won't let them go alone

Davina: YAY!

Satan: *Stares at the twins* Let's change clothes..

Davino and Davina: Huh...

~~~~~

Flavis(8): *Laughs with Charaka and Prism, grinning at them*

Lithea(6): FLAVIS!!

Flavis: Hey, Lithy!

Sergio(6): *Runs from Stolas' side, hurrying over to them* Hey guys

Askios(11): *Waves to Bael walking over to his squad*

Lesley(7): *Beams hurrying over Prism behind her* Hey guys!

Prism(6): *Hurries after her* Les...

Hunapo(8): *Yawns, walking over* Hey guys...

Andre(7): *Walks over and stretches* Hey!

Lithea: HEYYYYYY ANDREEEEEEE

Andre: HEYYYYY LITHYYYYYYY!

Andrealphus: *Places his hands on his sons face* Andre...lower the volume

Andre: Sorry, Pops...

Flavis: WOAH!

Satan: *Walks in wearing a hanfu, a butterfly clip in his hair*

Davina and Davino: *Walks after him wearing hanfu's that were their favorite color*

Mammon: *Chuckles* Getting into the grove and showing your kids how their mother loved to dress?

Stan: Is it that easy to tell?

Leviathan: Yes, it quite is

Satan: ..I..at least want to start showing them more of their mother-

Mammon: I get it, don't worry, I'll let it all slide

Satan: Whatever...but thanks..

Mammon: Anytime

[libidomechanica]

How dearly held

Answering the whole weak race of     venomous worms, that which they faint on the higher set the     way, to lure—Endymion’s amaze: By Cupids help, on your     I found my boyish kind

those pure baths your arms she brought. Herewith     affrighted, chidden, by things she’s statue, said, they seek     us: out so late is out of death rattle, what? Vessels     all earthly pleasure, conveys

it in fears, night as happy’s     a king. How had I ceased to be accounted as I sat     a weeping. With zebras striped, and all thee to the truth mai’st     see by glim’ring of men

holding heart let my heavy eyelids     to their verdict is departure and water doth. Forthwith     his flattery, that high Jove’s empyrean I have     her, and blind. She, with wild

stare, was silence of sweet virgins’     kisses drew favour and gone to the grass; I feel loving,     no authentic dew but into sunrise; then we made the     grass: and true as innocence,

and take his very dream; the     Nightingale shall he find to lingering look on Ida, full     of grief—grief born of Mortal Life betraying to set budding     Boy, or Girle, this

verse, tis madness! To Polly Stewart,     o charming Polly Stewart, o charming Polly Stewart,     o charming Polly Stewart, thereon Leander stooped     to wax more strong; I loved

you first: but after his rage mought     to please thee and all too in your ears with the blossoms on     the city. The god put Helle’s bracelet on his Thetis’s     breath as one that at my

verse shall groves sweet and fine word I     have made bricks in Egypt kneel adown give rest, and dive into     her arms shall sweets incloses, fair sweet hug, is stolen     in garret windows

suddenly transfuse thy bower’s     sanctity! Her for you in my rose-wet cave—whatever you     surpasse, most sweet rites are call’d her courtly nor kind, and, crying,     Names: ’ he, standing on

a head, a hand with that way to     not just beyond the cause of my heart, palpitated, her     hearts that looked on our knees. Know the woods are oaths but thou, fair     Lesley, the languid and

men will be burnt up by-and-by;     then, Julia, weep, for I am forbid. The lass that place     that sicknesse offer’d blisse? Course; and we were but my rude force,     but truly that I should

die, but bid you love of you nor     will not gainsay love and joined be to our Eyes; a Cataract     that you’re think that art not spie!—How dearly held. Upon     her look, or speak no words

could I seek no more, where we once     would not praises are torn: how stranger! I’d have allures     the moon, with wild surprise. To rise, round nudgers, round he     laid and, to see, the air.

[clawingbackthepast]

Live and Kicking

2 October 1993: First ever episode opening

6 November 1993: Wet Wet Wet

December 1993: Take That

1993: Cilla Black

8 January 1994: D-Ream

February 1994: Video Garden with Zhane

12 March 1994: Michelle Collins

12 March 1994: Close

12 March 1994: Spot It

16 April 1994: Eternal, Lesley Joseph, Take That, Lenny Henry

16 April 1994: Take That

15 April 1994: Video Garden with Menergy

16 April 1994: Close

24 September 1994: Opening

December 1994: Take That

1994: Byker Groove

1994: Close

1994: PJ and Duncan

1994: Take That

1994: Take That 2

8 April 1995: Let Loose

23 September 1995: Opening

14 October 1995: 2.4 Children

December 1995: Sage and Onion, Bob and Baz

1995: Boyzone

1995: Gary Glitter

1995: Opening

1995: Pulp

February 1996: Sting

April 1996: Kavana

13 April 1996: Andi Peters in the Hot Seat on his last day

13 April 1996: Andi’s best bits

21 September 1996: Opening

21 September 1996?: Farewell to Emma

December 1996: Spice Girls

December 1996: Spice Girls 2

1996: Jon Bon Jovi

1996: Boyzone

1996: Robbie Williams

1996: Spice Girls

1996: Spice Girls 2

1996: Stephen Gately and Bret Hart

1996/7: Boyzone

1996/7: Phil Collins

19 April 1997: Opening and close

27 September 1997: Opening and close

4 October 1997: Opening and close

December 1997: Spice Girls

1997: Backstreet Boys

1997: Boyzone

26 September 1998: Opening

26 December 1998: Opening and Jane McDonald

December 1998: Boyzone vs. Spice Girls Carol-o-ke

1998: Boyzone

1998?: Boyzone

1998: Kylie Minogue

April 1999: Johnny Ball surprises Zoe

April 1999: Zoe and Jamie in the Hot Seat on their last day

1999: Natalie Imbruglia

[dear-indies]

Hi, do you have a lost of fc's that have an alternative kind of style. Tattoos, piercings, colorful hair etc. Thank you 😊

Below are 160+ faceclaims who have or can pull off an alternative vibe!

Non-binary:

Sara Ramírez (1975) Mexican and some Irish - non-binary, queer and bisexual - they/them.

Asia Kate Dillon (1984) Ashkenazi Jewish / Unspecified - non-binary and pansexual - they/them.

Janelle Monáe (1985) African-American - non-binary, pansexual and bisexual - she/they.

Erika Ishii (1987) Japanese - genderfluid - they/she/any.

Nico Tortorella (1988) - genderfluid, polyamorous, pansexual and queer - they/them.

Olly Alexander (1990) - non-binary and is gay - he/him.

Eric Graise (1990) African-American - is a bilateral amputee.

Jacob Tobia (1991) Serbian - non-binary - they/them. 

Theo Germaine (1992) - non-binary - he/they.

Dorian Electra (1992) - genderfluid - they/them.

Kehlani (1995) African-American, French, Blackfoot, Cherokee, Spanish, Mexican, Filipino, Scottish, English, German, Scots-Irish/Northern Irish, and Welsh, as well as distant Cornish, Irish, Choctaw - non-binary womxn, lesbian and polyamorous - she/they.

Ilona Verley (1995) Nlaka’pamux - two-spirit and genderfluid - they/she.

Travis Alabanza (1996) African-American, Filipino - non-binary and queer - they/them.

Kaiit (1997) Papuan / Gunditjmara, Torres Strait Islander - non-binary - she/he/they.

Blu del Barrio (1997) Argentinian - non-binary - they/them.

Nat Ćmiel / Yeule (1997) Chinese-Singaporean - non-binary - she/they.

Lizeth Selene (1997) Mexican - is genderfluid and queer - she/they.

Chella Man (1998) Hongkonger, Jewish - is deaf - genderqueer and pansexual - he/him.

Sivan Alyra Rose (1999) Chiricahua Apache / Afro-Puerto Rican, Creole - non-binary and pansexual - she/they.

Ki Griffin (1999) Black British - non-binary, intersex and queer - they/them.

Ian Alexander (2001) Vietnamese / White - non-binary and queer - they/he.

Grove / theyisgrove (?) Black British - genderqueer - they/them - queer.

CG (?) Black - non-binary (they/them).

Women:

Buffy Sainte-Marie (1941) Cree.

Laura Dern (1963)  - in Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

Theo Kogan (1969)

Laura Jane Grace (1980) - trans.

Beth Ditto (1981) - queer.

Lesley-Ann Brandt (1981) English, East Indian, German, Spanish, Dutch, Khoisan, Ashkenazi Jewish - Lucifer.

Dichen Lachman (1982) Tibetan / German - in Supergirl.

Levy Tran (1983) Vietnamese.

Jaimie Alexander (1984) - Blindspot.

Fefe Dobson (1985) Afro-Jamaican / Unspecified First Nations, Irish, English, Dutch, Scottish.

Maika Harper (1986) Inuit.

Diane Guerrero (1986) Colombian - Doom Patrol.

Jurnee Smollett (1986) African-American, possibly other / Ashkenazi Jewish - in Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey and The Twilight Zone.

Ryan Ashley Malarkey (1987)

Juliana Huxtable (1987) African-American - trans and intersex.

Michaela Coel (1987) Ghanaian - is aromantic - in I may destroy you.

Naomi Watanabe (1987) Japanese / Taiwanese.

Tuppence Middleton (1987) - in Sense8.

Mae Whitman (1988) - is pansexual and had an alternative vibe in Jack.

Anna Diop (1988) Sundanese - as her role in Titans. 

Nadia Hilker (1988) Tunisian / German - in The Walking Dead.

Ritu Arya (1988) Indian - The Umbrella Academy.

FKA twigs (1988) African-Jamaican / English, Spanish.

Macarena García (1988) - in Pesar De Todo.

Hannah John-Kamen (1989) Nigerian / Norwegian  - Killjoys.

Úrsula Corberó (1989) - in Money Heist and Snake Eyes.

JuJu Chan (1989) Hongkonger -  in Wu Assassins and Fistful of Vengeance. 

Q'orianka Kilcher (1990) Quechua and Huachipaeri Peruvian / Swiss-German, Swiss-French - Yellowstone.

Mary Galloway (1990) Quamichan and Unspecified White - is queer.

Chantal Thuy (1990) Vietnamese - in Black Lightning.

Adelaide Kane (1990) - in Into the Dark.

Damaris Lewis (1990) Afro-Kittian - in Titans.

Kat Blaque (1990) African-American - trans.

Rina Sawayama (1990) Japanese - bisexual and pansexual.

Ruby Soho (1991)

Foteini Aristakesyan (1991) Armenian.

Eduardo Casanova (1991) - is gay.

Sarah Kameela Impey (1991) Indo-Guyanese / British - in We Are Lady Parts.

Sho Madjozi (1992) Tsonga / European.

Sky Ferreira (1992) Ojibwe, Cree, Chippewa Cree, Cheyenne, Brazilian of Portuguese and Possibly Other descent, Galician Jewish, Bukovina Jewish, Irish, Scottish, English, and French - has Chronic Lyme Disease.

Jessica Henwick (1992) Chinese Singaporean / English - in The Matrix Resurrections. 

Kiana Madeira (1992) Irish, Unspecified First Nations, Black Canadian / Portuguese - Fear Street.

Shotzi Blackheart (1992) Filipino, Polish.

Linnea Berthelsen (1993) Indian - in Stranger Things.

Slick Woods (1993) African-American - bisexual.

Park Gyu Young (1993) Korean - in Sweet Home. 

Bia Arantes (1993) Brazilian - in Órfãos da Terra.

Taylor Momsen (1993)

Kitty Chicha Amatayakul (1993) Thai.

Luara Reisinger (1994) Brazilian.

Nyane Lebajoa (1994) Mosotho.

Luara Reisinger (1994) Brazilian.

Emma Dumont (1994) - in The Gifted.

Lily Sullivan (1994) - in Romper Stomper. 

Liv Morgan (1994)

Lina Ahn (1994) Korean.

Molly Burke (1994) - is blind, has Retinitis Pigmentosa.

Lyrica Okano (1994) Japanese - as her role in The Runaways.

Adeline Rudolph (1995) Korean / German - Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

Coty Camacho (1995) Mixtec and Zapotec - pansexual.

Sasha Lane (1995) African-American, Māori, English, Scottish, Sorbian, French, Cornish, distant German, Italian, Belgian Flemish, Russian, and Northern Irish - is gay and has schizoaffective disorder.

Cierra Ramirez (1995) Colombian and Mexican - Drink Slay Love.

Mei Pang (1996) Malaysian-Chinese.

Sophia Taylor Ali (1995) Pakistani / Sicilian Italian, Danish, Norwegian, German - in Uncharted.

Nikki Gould (1995) Mi'kmaq, White - in Degrassi. 

Emma Mackey (1996) - in Sex Education. 

Chase Sui Wonders (1996) Tahitian, Chinese, Japanese / Unknown White - in Generation.

Jasmine Sokko (1996) Chinese Singaporean.

Yang Hye Ji (1996) Korean - in Nevertheless. 

Rhea Ripley (1996)

Tati Gabrielle (1996) Korean / African-American - in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and Uncharted.

Leah Lewis (1996) Chinese - in Nancy Drew.

Giorgia Whigham (1997) - in Scream. 

Chloé Hayden (1997) - autistic, has adhd, and is chronically ill.

Sierra McCormick (1997)

Piper Curda (1997) Korean / English and Scottish - is aspec - Legacies.

Maisie Williams (1997)

Taylor Hickson (1997) - in Deadly Class.

Blair Lamora (1997) Ojibwe and Argentinian - Shoresy.

Lana Condor (1997) Vietnamese - in Deadly Class.

Amanda Arcuri (1997) Argentinean and Italian - in Degrassi. 

Valentina Zenere (1997) Argentinian - Soy Luna.

Juliette Motamed (1997) Iranian - We Are Lady Parts.

Kiana Ledé (1997) African-American, Swedish, Mexican, Cherokee.

Rico Nasty (1997) African-American / Puerto Rican.

Alaina Castillo (1999) Mexican and Unspecified American.

Rachelle Vinberg (1998) Colombian / Unspecified American.

Andy Blossom (1998) Chinese. 

Brianne Tju (1998) Chinese, Indonesian.

Erin Kellyman (1998) Afro-Jamaican / Irish - is a lesbian - The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Sab Zada (1999) Filipino, Chinese, and Unspecified Hispanic.

Sonia Ben Ammar (1999) Tunisian - in Scream. 

Auli'i Cravalho (2000) Puerto Rican, Kānaka Maoli, Portuguese, Chinese, Irish - bisexual.

Ayumi Roux (2001) Japanese / British. 

Aaron Philip (2001) Afro-Antiguan - has cerebral palsy and is trans.

Lucie Shorthouse (?) Unspecified -  in Lady Parts.

Faith Omole (?) Nigerian - in Lady Parts.

Amy Love / Nova Twins (?) Black British.

Shikhee D’iordna (?) Bangladeshi.

Georgia South / Nova Twins (?) Black British.

Kayla Phillips / Bleed The Pigs (?) African-American. 

Audrey Campbell / Pleasure Venom (?) African-American.

Gabriella “Guitar Gabby” Logan (?) African-American.

Edith Johnson / Meet Me @ the Altar (?) African-American.

Monique Kim (?) Korean - queer - the movie "they/them."

Men:

Danny Trejo (1944) Mexican.

Marcus LaVoi (1968) Ojibwe.

Chris Messina (1974) - in Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey.

Taika Waititi (1975) Māori, as well as distant British Isles, French-Canadian / Irish, English, Scottish, Northern Irish, Ashkenazi Jewish - in Our Flag Means Death.

Miyavi (1981) Japanese / Korean-Japanese.

Riz Ahmed (1982) Pakistani - in Sound of Metal.

Matthew McNulty (1982) - in Misfits. 

Richard Cabral (1984) Mexican.

Joseph Gilgun (1984) - has dyslexia and ADHD - in Preacher and Lockout. 

Bobby Wilson (1984) Sisseton-Wahpeton Oyate Dakota Sioux.

Clayton Cardenas (1985) Mexican, Filipino.

Roman Reigns (1985) Samoan / Italian.

Malakai Black (1985)

Bradley Soileau (1986)

Matt Heafy (1986) Japanese / Irish, German.

Jason Aalon Butler (1986) African-American / Scottish.

Hopsin (1985) African-American - often wears white contacts.

Julio Torres (1987) Mexican - in Los Espookys.

Jimmy Q (1988)

Mamoudou Athie (1988) Mauritanian - in Patti Cake$.

Cody Fern (1988) - is openly dating a man but hasn’t labelled his sexuality publicly.

Chang Ryul (1989) Korean - in My Name. 

Kohama Ryōta (1989) Japanese.

Rob Raco (1989) in Riverdale.

Machida Keita (1990) Japanese - in  Alice in Borderland. 

Kiowa Gordon (1990) Hualapai, English, Scottish, Danish, Manx.

Adonis Bosso (1990) Ivorian - is sexually fluid. 

Emory Cohen (1990)  - in Lords of Chaos.

Tyler Posey (1991) Mexican / English, Scottish, Irish, German, distant French - is queer and sexually fluid.

Jade Hassouné (1991) Lebanese - queer.

Marz23 / Lin Zhirong (1991) Taiwanese.

Choi Myung-Hwan / Mokyo / Thurxday (1991) Korean.

Roshon Fegan (1991) Filipino / African-American.

Jake Choi (1992) - sexually fluid.

Samuel Larsen (1991) Danish, Mexican/Spanish, Persian.

Jacob Artist (1992) African-American / Polish - in Now Apocalypse.

Ryan Cassata (1993) - queer and trans.

Joseph Quinn (1993) - in Stranger Things.

Seung Jae Han (1993) Korean.

Jordan Fisher (1994) English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Cambodian, Tahitian, African-American, Cherokee, Sioux - he/they.

Yves Mathieu (1994) Algerian.

Jack Francis (1994) Black British - has Tourette's Syndrome.

Scarlxrd (1994) Jamaican, Ghanaian / Jamaican, White.

Ashton Sanders (1995) African-American - in Native Son.

Justice Smith (1995) African-American / Italian, French-Canadian - queer - in Generation.

Boun Noppanut Guntachai (1995) Thai.

Miles McKenna (1995) - trans and uses he/they.

Mateo Arias (1995) Colombian - Blast Beat.

Rish Shah (1995) Indian - Do Revenge.

Ryan Potter (1995) Japanese / Ashkenazi Jewish, Swedish, English, German - is bisexual - in Titans.

Chance Perdomo (1996) Afro-Dominican and Guatemalan - in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

Keean Johnson (1996) English, three eighths Mexican and Chilean - in We Summon the Darkness.

Elliott Fletcher (1996) - trans - in Y: The Last Man.

Aria Shahghasemi (1996) Iranian.

Archie Renaux (1997) English, Punjabi Indian - in Gold Digger.

Luka Sabbat (1997) Afro-Haitian, Irish, English, German.

Murakami Nijiro (1997) Japanese - in Alice in Borderland.

Evan Mock (1997) Bisaya Filipino / Unspecified.

Do Hanse (1997) Korean.

KennyHoopla (1997) African-American.

Archie Renaux (1997) English, Punjabi Indian - in Gold Digger.

GARZI (1997) African-American.

Jeremy Shada (1997) - in Julie and the Phantoms.

Aaron Liebregts (1998) 

Owen Teague (1998) - in Mrs. Fletcher and I See You.

ZillaKami (1998) African-American.

Jaden Smith (1998) African-American, Creole, Barbadian and Jamaican.

Iann Dior (1999) Afro Puerto Rican.

Edwin Honoret (1999) Afro Dominican. 

Poorstacy (1999) African-American.

Yoon Jin Young / Ash Island (1999) Korean.

Ferdia Walsh-Peelo (1999)

Trippie Redd (1999) Irish, Unspecified Native American, African-American.

Aidan Laprete (2001) Japanese, Italian, Irish, English, German and Unspecified Native American.

D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai (2001) Ojibwe, Cree, Chinese Guyanese, Afro Guyanese and White.

Please note that some are musicians but the majority are actors or have had acting roles! 

[davidosu87]

[queenshelby]

Chemical Reactions (P. 11)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy as J Robert Oppenheimer x Student Reader

Warning: Age-Gap, Infidelity, Smut

Words: 3,456

Note: The fic is spoiler free and my own fantasy and imagination. It is not historically and scientifically accurate.

Previous Parts: 1; 2; 3; 4; 5; 6; 7; 8; 9; 10

Notes for this part:

In this part I have tried something new and written it from two perspectives.

One of the perspectives is that of the reader as she arrives at the Four Seasons Hotel and has an intimate and long overdue encounter with Robert.

The other perspective is that of the two army officers listening into the reader’s encounter with Robert. I have given these officers the names Officer Nichols and Officer Kent. The Officers will later joined by General Lesley Groves and the perspective of these officers is written in italics.

A new encounter…

An hour before you knew that Robert was due to arrive at the Four Seasons Hotel, you checked in to the room he had booked for the night, thinking that this would give you enough time to get ready.

The room itself was more luxurious than anywhere else you had ever stayed before and there was even a bottle of champagne on the nightstand for you both, which you thought was a nice gesture. “With compliments” it said on the note left in front of it and, whilst you were keen to open it, you ought it to be polite to wait for Robert.

With that in mind, you chose to spend the entire hour prior to his arrival to get ready for him, stripping off your clothes and then heading in to the bathroom before starring at yourself in the counter-to-ceiling mirror adjacent to the basinet.

Knowing that Robert desired you, you smiled as you studied your naked reflection before, eventually, you picked up the bar of fresh soap which had provided by the hotel, taking in its scent. It was rose scented and smelled more luxurious than anything you had washed yourself with before, making it perfect for you to use in a hot warm bath.

***Listening in***

“What’s wrong?” Officer Nichols asked as he watched Officer Kent turn off the listening device for a short moment of time.

“She is turning on the tap” he pointed out to his superior who looked his colleague with confusion.

“So?” Officer Nicholas asked before he turned the device back on so that he could hear what was going on.

“It’s the bathroom, sir. With respect, we should give this poor woman some privacy. She is having a bath” Officer Kent pointed out but Officer Nichols clearly did not care.

“This is a matter of national security and I have clear instructions from General Groves to make note of every word spoken between this woman and Dr Robert Oppenheimer in so far as the project is concerned. This includes anything she mumbles to herself while washing her fucking hair. Now listen and make notes…” Officer Nichols instructed and, of course, Officer Kent agreed to follow his orders.

“Yes Sir” he thus said to his superior before continuing his investigation into your bathroom habits.

***

Without knowing that you were being listened to and, after adjusting the water, you stepped into the tub and spread the soap luxuriously over your body. You inhaled the spicy, floral aroma and thought about Robert’s hands on your body which were what you missed the most. You missed his gentle, passionate, and erotic touch along with his kisses and the feeling of him being inside of you, making your two bodies become one.

You needed him to touch you again so desperately and, just as you ran your soapy hands over your hardening nipples, you unconsciously closed your eyes and enjoyed the memory of how turned on you had been when Robert made love to you last.

As such, you slipped your magic fingers down your smooth stomach and pressed one teasingly between your waiting lips with the subtle urge to masturbate growing. But then, suddenly, remembering the things that were about to occur, you reluctantly stopped touching yourself and rinsed off. You wanted Robert to be the one to make you cum and knew that he would not have appreciated you making a start without him.

You thus stepped out of the tub and wrapped one of the luxurious towels around your body before you walked, still dripping, into the bedroom and, just as you glanced towards the bed, you noticed that there was a new suit-bag standing in front of it.

“You are early” you then heard a familiar voice say to you from behind, which is when you turned around and saw the man you had been waiting for.

“So are you” you told him in response as Roberts took your hands in to his and looked deeply into your eyes.

“I missed you” he then told you with great desire in your voice and our reply was simply to place your lips on to his and give him a long and passionate kiss, which he returned with enthusiasm.

Your tongues were soon dancing around each other's mouths and you decided to drop the towel in a haste as you kissed passionately, furiously grasping at each other with your hands, unable to kiss fast or deep enough to satisfy your wants.

***Listening in***

“Sir?” Officer Kent asked while taking off his headphones momentarily. 

“What is it?” Officer Nichols wanted to know and, by this point, he sounded somewhat annoyed.

“With respect, I don’t think that their relationship has anything to do with conspiracy against the US government” Officer Kent pointed out, seeing that you and Robert were clearly about to engage in intercourse rather than a discussion about bomb or communism. “I think they are just lovers” he thus pointed out but Officer Nichols did not care.

“She wouldn’t the first spy to use these kind of techniques Kent. Keep listening” Officer Nichols argued, but Officer Kent was still reluctant.

“Sir, I am not going to listen to…” he thus said before being interrupted by his superior again.

“I expect you to do your fucking job” Officer Nichols said which was the last discussion they had until, several hours later, they were visited by General Groves.

***

Still not knowing that you were listened to, your kissing continued like this for several minutes while your hands were tugging against Robert’s clothes and his hands were roaming your naked and still somewhat wet body, passionately touching every bit of exposed skin he could reach.

“It’s been way too long Robert and I can’t wait any longer” you murmured against his lips as you managed to get your right hand between you and him and find his already erect length inside his trousers.

“Neither can I. I can’t stand being without you” Robert told you and, by that time, he had moved his mouth down to your neck and then your breasts which were glistening from your bath.

“You have absolutely no idea how much I graved this” he then said before he was alternatively licking and kissing your naked flesh, eliciting a moan from deep within your throat.

“I think I may have a slight idea, going by the letters you wrote me. Some of them were quite explicit Robert” you teased in between moans as you let go of his cock and used your hands to work on his jacket and shirt, removing them both.

“And what did you do with the letters?” Robert then asked before a gasp escaped his lips.

“I masturbated to them before hiding them beneath my bed, which is where no one can find them” you smirked seductively and Robert’s pleasure was expressed with another bout of amorous kissing.

“You shouldn’t have kept them Y/N” Robert told you before he gave your breasts the attention they so craved.

“I had to Robert. It is all I had from you for three fucking months. I had no idea where you went and I know you cannot tell me anything, but I missed you. I missed this” you told Robert through several quiet moans as he went to work on your breasts while you unbuttoned his shirt some more and virtually tore if from his body before dumping it alongside your own clothes.

“I need you to fuck me Robert” you then whispered said as you took the opportunity to kiss his nipples too and then worked your way down his torso to his stomach, fully intending to unbutton his trousers and release that snake trying to force its way out the fly. Robert, however, had other ideas and he gently lifted you onto the bed and laid you on your back before he stood there open mouthed for a few seconds, looking at your naked body.

“You are stunning and I can’t wait to make love to you again” Robert then said before, eventually, he lowered his head in between your legs.

“Spread your legs wider for me, so that I can taste you” he told and, as soon as you complied with his request, Robert buried his tongue in your already sopping wet pussy.

At the first touch of his tongue, you let out a moan and then a gasp as he moved to your clit and began sucking and flicking your little knob.

“Fuck, Robert” you groaned and, after having been abstinent for about three months, you were not ashamed to say that your first orgasm happened within minutes - the first of several that afternoon and many since.

The orgasm started as a familiar tingling feeling deep inside your tummy, moving down to your womb and finally to your love tunnel. As it moved south your hips began to gyrate and Robert had to use both hands to push you down until you finally let out a loud moan and your love juices flowed freely from your pussy.

Robert clamped his mouth over your gaping hole and sucked out every last drop before moving back up the bed to give you another passionate kiss.

“You taste even better than I had remembered” Robert then told you after your lips drifted apart and you were quick to announce that, now, it was your turn.

“Let me repay the favour now, professor” you smirked and Robert voluntarily rolled onto his back on the bed and looked into your eyes with anticipation.

“I missed this” Robert acknowledged as you unbuckled his belt and undid his trousers. With some help from Robert they, and his boxer shorts, were soon cluttering up the floor and he led there with his length standing to attention just waiting for some action.

“So did” you told him as you positioned yourself between his legs, leant forward and tickled the tip of his length with the tip of your tongue.

Robert groaned loudly and, given the way he jerked, you could tell he liked that but before you took him fully into your mouth, you wanted to tease him a little more so you moved up his body to kiss his belly button which brough your breasts into contact with his very hard member.

“That is very sexy” Robert groaned as you swayed slightly and your nipples brushed against the head of his cock and you were rewarded by a smear of pre-cum on your breasts, which you licked off whilst looking into his eyes. Moving back down you licked your tongue up and down the length of his cock a few times before opening your lips and swallowing him into your mouth.

“God, that’s it Y/N. That feels so good” Robert groaned as, with up and down motions of your head, you sucked on the length filling your mouth and heard some gratifying noises coming from this beautiful man.

Whilst mouth fucking his cock you used your right hand to fondle his balls until after a few minutes he lifted your head.

“You better stop or I won’t be able to control myself” he told you and you knew that he wanted to be inside you when he came.

“Do you want me on top?” you thus asked and, after he nodded his head and answered with a simple “yes” you moved to straddle him in the cowgirl position.

“What a perfect view” Robert acknowledged as you positioned yourself directly above his cock and reached between your legs to open your love tunnel for him.

“Oh god. Fuck” was all you then managed to say with a loud moan as, in unison, you sank down onto him as he pushed up.

The feeling of his cock pushing into and filling your pussy was immense and once fully inserted you just squatted there for a few moments to savour the feeling before starting to slowly move up to the point his cock head was still just in your pussy before sinking back down again.

“Fuck you feel so good” you moaned loudly as your inner labia lips were very sensitive and Robert's bulbous head was soon doing the trick and your movements became faster and faster until he had to start working with you to keep himself inside.

Your love making was frantic and loud. Groans and moans were filling the room and, after about twenty minutes of this action, you could feel yourself starting to orgasm again.

“Oh god Robert. I am so fucking close” you cursed and this spurred him into even faster action and the familiar feelings were rapidly building up inside you.

“Cum for me” Robert groaned and, as he reached up and pinched your nipples, you went over the top in a rush, a rather noisy rush.

“Oh my fucking god” you cried out as you came hard and, when your walls began to convulse and your body started to shake, Robert too let go of the built up tension in his loins.

“Fuck” he simply groaned as he jerked upwards again while tumbling over the edge himself, which is when you felt a jet of hot cum burst into you and explode against your cervix.

You moaned again and Robert kept up his thrusting until he was completely spent which is when, after a little while, you lifted yourself off and Robert’s length slid out of your love tunnel.

“Jesus Christ I fucking missed this” you cursed as you could feel your combined essence drip from your slit, arousing you all over again just you laid down next to each other, panting.

“Well don’t think I am done with you yet. We will have until midday tomorrow before I have to leave and see my wife” Robert explained while lightening himself a cigarette and you sat up in order to finally crack open the bottle of champagne.

“Your wife is not someone I want to talk about Robert, so don’t mention her again” you lectured him before pouring yourself and Robert a glass of champagne.

“I apologise” Robert said while sitting up straight and taking the glass from your hands while you snatched the cigarette he had lit from his.

“Now tell me, how is your thesis on dark matter coming along” Robert then wanted to know which is what you talked about for an hour before engaging in some steamy intimacy again all while being listened to by army officials.

In the end though, after several hours of love making, you finally laid on the bed in the spoon position, with Robert's hands on your breasts and your hand on his semi-hard length, and fell asleep.

It was a very satisfied sleep until an hour or two later you were awoken by the sensation of having your breasts massaged.

“You can’t get enough, can you?” you teased as you began to stroke Robert’s cock and turned your head towards him.

“Never” Robert confirmed before kissing you again, passionately, and full of lust. 

With just a few hours of sleep, your passion certainly had not abated and Robert soon lifted one of your legs to give him access to your pussy. You felt his finger enter and gave a little moan, followed by a slightly louder one as a second finger entered you. He soon found your G-spot and went to work, finger fucking you whilst tweaking your nipples at the same time. Not content with this he used his thumb to rub your clit, which started you off again.

"Not with your fingers; put your cock in there" you eventually whispered and this was a request he willingly went along with. As his cock found its way into your pussy his fingers replaced his thumb on your clit, where they performed magical deeds adding to the feelings you were already having.

Robert now started kissing your back and neck, nibbling your ears and sucking on the lobes, so that you were feeling totally consumed by the act of making love with him. A few minutes later Robert pulled himself out of you and rolled you onto your stomach then raised your ass into the air to give a perfect angle for his cock to fuck you from behind.

“Oh god Robert. Please take me” you moaned, thinking that this was the sluttiest position of all as, to you, it suggested that the woman is totally subservient to the man and at that moment that was exactly how you felt.

Robert began with long slow strokes which, as before, steadily got shorter and faster until you had to begin to sway back and forth in time with him to keep you both coupled. Every time he thrusted into you, you could feel his balls slap against your clit and that was very erotic.

After a while, you felt him lean forward and his hands came around your body until he had a grasp of your breasts, which he began to knead and pinch again.

“I am so close” you moaned as this whole experience was having the desired effect and your orgasm began to build.

“So am I" was Robert’s reply and almost immediately after that you climaxed together and you felt more of his sperm fill you, but only this time it seemed to go on for ever as spurt after spurt exploded into you, right against the entrance to your cervix.

Moments later, you collapsed into a big, spent, heap on the bed; both breathing very heavily but managing to continue massaging each other's bodies before getting some more rest and even another few hours of sleep until, at around 5 o’clock in the morning, there was a knock on your hotel room door.

“Open up Robert. We need to talk” you heard a familiar voice of an angry General say, speaking heavily and frustrated, causing you to break out in fear for the inevitable.

[dishdasha]

Roar Like A Dove, Comedy Theatre, March 1959

(Note on Astor ad: 209 Guineas in 1959 is approx. $6.7k in 2018 Dollars.

[oldbaton]

also i never talk about the olivier nominated/winning performance ive seen! here's that list. should be noted i also saw denise gough in people places and things but it sucked and i wasnt in the mood that night so i walked out. so its not on the list. ** is a win

** Richard McCabe - The Audience (2013)

** Helen Mirren - The Audience (2013)

** Lesley Manville - Ghosts (2014)

** Mark Strong - A View From the Bridge (2015)

** Billie Piper - Yerma (2017)

** Denise Gough - Angels in America (2018)

** Laura Donnelly - The Ferryman (2018)

** Kyle Soller - The Inheritance (2019)

** Patti LuPone - Company (2019)

Gavin Lee - Mary Poppins (2005)

Paul Chahidi - Twelfth Night (2013)

Mark Rylance - Twelfth Night (2013)

Phoebe Fox - A View From the Bridge (2015)

Jon Jon Briones - Miss Saigon (2015)

Mark Rylance - Farinelli and the King (2016)

Melody Grove - Farinelli and the King (2016)

Glenn Close - Sunset Boulevard (2017)

Lesley Manville - Long Day’s Journey Into Night (2018)

Andrew Garfield - Angels in America (2018)

James McArdle - Angels in America (2018)

Paddy Considine - The Ferryman (2018)

Kelli O’Hara - The King and I (2019)

Ken Wantanabe - The King and I (2019)

Ruthie Ann Miles - The King and I (2019)

[serpientecoralillo]

1996

• disfuncional familiar

• Padre alcoholico, mamá inestable emocionalmente problemas de ira

• —————

(Puntos que no mencionaré que influyeron en mi cronología psiquiátrica)

9 años (situación traumática), todo el tiempo me decían gorda y me tenían a dieta, fui con una psicóloga infantil, lloraba mucho porque sentía que mis hermanas eran mis hijas y debía protegerlas.

Crisis convulsiva a causa de la situación traumática

10 años quería tomar cloro para morir

15 años bulimia / anorexia amor precoz me enamoraba de los niños de una manera muy extraña pra mi edad y muy profunda

Psicóloga no me diagnostica a tiempo

primer intento de suicidio, le dijeron a mi papá (no me hablo todo el camino de regreso a la casa) me sentí culpable por lastimarlo.

Automutilacion

Pisiquiatra Maricela Groves

Secciones de 2 veces por semana

16 años Diagnostican borderline / ts conducta desafiante

16 casi 17 Tengo que dejar la universidad por tener crisis de ansiedad continúas, cleptomanía, adicciones medicamento psiquiátrico muy fuerte era muy inestable, mi mamá considero darme de baja temporal para que no perdiera el año. Necesitaba dormir con mis papas, el ts de la alimentación aumentó.

Retomo la universidad 4 meses después, problemas de conducta, dificultad para respetar la autoridad, medicamento me genera adiccion y comienzo a robarlo mi tita tuvo que ponerlo con llave.

17 años tomó una dosis grande de medicamento que robe y voy a la universidad, me suspenden por dormirme en clase y por gritarle a un profesor, todos mis compañeros me dejan de hablar y me hacen a un lado, mis amigas se quedan conmigo.

Psiquiatra Noé Neuman

Era psiquiatra criminal y perito, siempre me dice que estoy bien que soy muy lista, me pone a leer libros y baja las dosis de mis medicamentos.

Sesiones 1 vez a la semana

Noe enfocaba mi energía a leer, de todos los temas desde cartomancia, pasando por vegetación hasta neurología.

Las sesiones eran simplemente para repasar mis lecturas

mi hermana de 14 años Lesley se intenta suicidar, me mantengo fuerte por mis papas pero recaigo en robar medicamentos, robe medicanmentos del internado dónde estaba mi hermana, tengo bulimia aún. Me sentí responsable por mis hermanas fui un mal ejemplo, nunca pude ser estable.

Lo peligroso de mis suicidios y mi dependencia a los medicamentos es que era tan discreta que pasaron años para que se enteraran

19 años dejó de ir con Noé porque el comienza a tratar a mi hermana Lesley y yo inicio con el Psiquiatra Ángel Forett

Me diagnosticaron hipotencion y creen que eso tiene algo que ver con mis ganas de ponerme en situaciones de riesgo para aumentar la adrenalina y la irrigación sanguínea

No tenía buena conexión con Ángel, no quería contarle nada y me envió a un grupo de auto ayuda sobre problemas de la alimentación y al grupo de codependientes porque decía que mi hermana Annie y yo teníamos codependencia, no nos dejaron ir juntas y decidimos no ir. Si éramos codependientes.

19 casi 20 tuve una relación codependiente

Ángel me sube las dosis porque le dije que escuchaba voces y estaba teniendo crisis de nuevo muy fuertes. No escuchaba voces pero me sentía muy despersonalizada quería estar estable. Tenía mucho miedo a que mi novio me dejara. Y cedía a todo.

No me gustaba ir con psiquiatras mujeres excepto con Marcela

21 años me escapo de mi casa con mi primer novio, mi papá se entera que tuve sexo y escucha por teléfono como me habla mi exnovio y se enoja profundamente conmigo

Decidí dejar el psiquiatra, no el no me dio de alta yo me di de alta sola. Ya no Tomaba medicamento solo seguía con las terapias.

22 años tenía una relación de pesadilla, sufría mucho, entre la bulimia del pasado, las situaciones de estrés y mi aumento de peso comencé a tener arritmias cardiacas.

Tuve convulsiones, después de supo que era un ataque de pánico, inició tratamiento neurologico, no encuentran nada malo en mi cerebro, fue emocional, me dan medicamentos que me dejan dopado y no me gusta como me siento así que los dejo.

Siento un vacío enorme y me aferro a un hombre que no me quería, me frustraba la vida y me sentía perdida Me intentó suicidar, termino en el hospital por 8 días me dio un paro cardio respiratorio, tome 2 botes de clonazepam, cocaina, una botella de whiskey, y relajantes musculares.

[voidvoyeur]

thinkin about how michael would respond to certain music

he became a patient at smith’s grove in 1963 -- meaning his exposure to any genre that wasn’t popular on mid-west suburban american radio was pretty much non-existent. probably hard-wired into liking lullabies that were sang by his mother and judith. also mostly late 1950s girl bands bc of judith (the crystals, the ronettes.... nancy sinatra, lesley gore etc.) beyond that??? he dont kno shit

ok maybe one or two v early disney soundtracks the myers have from when judith was a kid (snow white, sleeping beauty)

escapes in 1978 for like ONE night, after the beatles, after  disco.. after prog-rock....  after zenith of punk, into post-punk....... its a loss he deserves lmfao 

hyperfixates on laurie bc her singing has generic love-based theme in lyricism and harmony of tuneful pop song

michael is v attuned to conventional, Romantic melodies. i’ve spoken before about how he’s particularly responsive to higher pitched, feminine tone. both of these aspects converging is bound to get his interest

(imagine him breakin his neck from head tilting so violently if he he hears kate bush lmfao)

the fact he’s so unaware of how music genres have progressed and evolved is ripe for legion blind-siding him with boombox

[libidomechanica]

A Kurd am I used in a Girdle rolling earth, the worm feed in her

Fair daffodils, and saw my fall there about thence? Beauty;—Mortal river, quell: yet groves; trim hamlets; her incess—why not eventy milk! And a noblest, trust thou dost the Abyss, and dinna sae bonie Lesley, return my eyes both the doors and white horrible music to heart to despair so much reach’d hand and shook the mould, could charters of their deodands; the jested silent angels do, when your doing, my dark night of poverthrow. Yow many a brief breath for each joys. Beyond, turned for thee and who hast that face, at Florian said, I wish she goest the rag of a foe. Break, were a trick.