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andreafmn · 1 month ago

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Collision | Chapter 30

Word Count: 3.7K Warnings: bodily harm, self inflicted wounds, mentions of blood

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same.

A/N: so close to the finish line now! Can't wait to have another fic finished so I can focus on the other stories and continuations (and hopefully spend time on my original works 😬😬)

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“What did you do?” Theo exclaimed as she flung Carlisle to the other side of the cave. The walls around them trembled, roaring at the force of the throw. Esme had arrived with just enough time to catch (Y/N) before the girl crumbled to the ground. “What happened to her?!”

“She… s-she… I didn’t…” Carlisle couldn’t quite find the words. He had spent months concocting the image of (Y/N) over and over. She had come to him every single time. Sometimes, she was happy; other times, she was angry. The worst was when she was sad. But she always came. He’d become used to the mirage of her, coming as far as to anticipate excitedly her arrival. It didn’t matter what she could spew at him. All he cared about was to see her face.

But that last delusion had thrown him for a spin. She had never asked him to come home. Not in the eight months he had been there. She’d told him she loved him, that she hated him, that she hoped the Volturi killed him, she had even gone as far as to say she would stay with him. But she had never asked him to come home. The words had taken him aback when they had fallen from her lips. She had never felt so real before, but he knew the more time he spent without feeding, the more the hallucinations would take over.

Carlisle had truly believed the (Y/N) before him was another trick of his mind. It wasn’t until the smell of her blood had reached his nostrils that he finally snapped out of his trance. He didn’t even register that his hand was around her throat until he released her. “I thought she wasn’t real,” he mumbled. “I-I-I thought she was in my head.”

“Well, she’s very much real, Carlisle,” Esme said as she wrapped the girl’s arm with her jacket, doing her best not to breathe. “And she needs help right now. I don’t know how deep she went.”

“This is my fault,” Carlisle whimpered as he cradled his head. His mind was still riddled with images and voices he couldn’t discern, and it wouldn’t take long before he gave in to his hunger. (Y/N)’s blood was the most delectable one he had smelled in the centuries he had been alive. “She’s gonna die, and it’s my fault.”

“You need to pull yourself together, Carlisle!” Theo said as she slapped some sense into the mumbling man. “She needs you now more than ever. I need you to focus and tell us what we have to do to help her.”

His eyes flickered toward (Y/N)’s unconscious form. Even with the bind, the bleeding had not stopped, only slowed—it wasn’t tied correctly. The man slowly scrambled to his feet, dragging himself through the ground until he got to her. Slowly, he undid Esme’s work, ripping the sleeve and tying it higher up on the wound. Then, he inspected the crystal she had used, thanking God she had gone less than half an inch deep. But the cut was long, and it needed to be closed as soon as possible.

“Did you bring a first aid kit by chance?”

“Yes,” Theo said. “It’s in the car right now. I’ll get it.”

Without another word, Theo disappeared, leaving Esme and Carlisle to look after (Y/N).

She looked peaceful in her state—if you ignored the mess of blood that had accumulated under her arm. But she was hurt, and it had been Carlisle’s fault. He understood Edward’s plight now. He understood why he told them all to go when Bella had gotten hurt. They caused more harm than good to people who did not deserve kit.

“It’s not your fault, Carlisle,” Esme whispered. She held onto (Y/N)’s arm, helping the wound stay closed while Theo came back. "It may seem like it is, but it’s not your fault.”

“I had my hands around her neck,” he muttered, still not believing what had happened. “If I had applied just an ounce of my strength, I would have snapped her neck. She would have never woken up. I… I…”

“You didn’t though,” she calmed him. “She’s stronger than she looks, Carlisle. And she wouldn’t have done this if she didn’t think she could make it out of here. She cares about you, you know. As angry and hurt as she is because of what we did, she came all this way to help us get you home.”

“She shouldn’t have,” he scoffed defeatedly. “I don’t deserve her mercy. I certainly don’t even deserve her pity.”

“But you have it,” the woman said. “It’s not a matter of deserving or not. She didn’t need a reason to help you, Carlisle. Though she fought it, I won’t lie. She deemed you worthy of her help, and she gave it freely, even if it meant getting hurt. Deep down, I know she loves you—that’s why she did this. You two are far too entwined for her to have left you to rot here.”

“I should have just gone to the Volturi. End everyone’s misery of having me around.”

“Goodness, no wonder you liked Edward so much,” Esme chuckled. “You’re both cut from the same cloth.” The woman adjusted her grip on (Y/N)’s arm. Her resolve was dwindling as time passed, but she stood her ground. If Carlisle, who hadn’t fed well in months, had yet to attack, she knew she’d be able to hold herself. “Death would not have been the right punishment for what you did. Living… that’s the real damnation. That’s why you were here, right? But that wouldn’t have been right either.”

“There is no right punishment for what you did,” Theo said as she joined them. “But torturing yourself is not right either. I told you when you came to me the first time, living with what you’ve done is punishment enough. Seeing (Y/N) move on from you is your calvary. This? This is easy. You’ve done this before and survived. Living without her is what’s new.”

“Theo…” Esme tried to assuage.

“No, Esme,” she interrupted. “Carlisle, you’ve been the closest thing I have to family since I lost my sister centuries ago. You taught me everything I know now, and for that, I am eternally grateful. But you did a horrible thing, and you have to learn to live with that. Because if you don’t, I’m afraid this won’t be the last time (Y/N) puts her life on the line to save you.”

Esme tried to speak up again, but Carlisle stopped her. “You’re right, Theo,” he sighed. “I have been a coward, and I pretended this was enough for my penance. But this is not the time nor the place to speak in this. (Y/N) needs tending to, and I need to make sure she’s okay.”

After Theo threw the kit toward him, the doctor set off to work. He cleaned his hands with cleansing wipes, making sure not a spec of grime was left on his skin. In the box, he found gauze and a basic suture kit. It wouldn’t create a pretty closure, but it would be enough to help her heal. Without giving it another thought, Carlisle cleaned the girl’s arm, clearing the way for the needle and thread. He was gentle at first, checking after every stab of the needle that (Y/N) remained unconscious. If she had woken up, the cave would be filled with more than just her blood. Her screams would have bounced off the walls, ricocheting to the wilderness where anyone could witness it. So, he worked cautiously and fast, closing the wound before covering it with gauze and medical tape.

“She’s going to be okay,” Carlisle found himself muttering. He ran his hand across her hair, caressing her like he had done many times before. “She just needs to rest.”

For the first time in a long time, the three vampires allowed themselves to breathe. Even if they didn’t need to, they had all felt their lungs aching for air—especially air that did not smell of sweet crimson. It was a shared breath of relief for the girl they had tangled into supernatural business. They had always meant to protect her, but somehow, some way, she always got hurt.

“We should take her back to the house,” Theo said. “She’ll be more comfortable there, and she’ll need to recover before we fly back to Washington. There, we can talk.”

“Of course,” the man replied. “I am sure there are many questions you need answers to.”

“We’re not the only ones.”

They were careful as they got (Y/N) down on solid ground again, making sure her arms remained unmoving. The less she was jostled around, the faster her recovery would be. In no time, the three vampires reached the car. Esme and Carlisle cleared out the backseat, making room for the girl to lay down. She was still asleep, but her heart was beating strong, and her chest was rising and falling at a steady pace. She was okay. Hurt and tired, but okay.

“I’ll stay with her,” Carlisle said as he slipped into the backseat.

“Carlisle…”

“Please, Theo,” he begged. “I just… let me just hold her. Please.”

Begrudgingly, the woman lay her friend across the man’s lap, keeping a careful eye on the starved vampire. Theo and Esme had fed just before the trip in case things went awry, but it didn’t help that the blood was so fresh… and so human. She couldn’t fathom what it would be like to be in Carlisle’s shoes. But he seemed in control. Perfectly and completely in control.

Carlisle looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms, and he questioned how he’d ever found the strength to let her go. Somehow, Edward had gotten into his head. “Look how much harm you’ve already caused her,” he had said. “Do you want to be the reason she dies too?” The boy had known just the right words to sway his mind of staying in Forks, of staying with her. He had made the older man believe that being in (Y/N)’s life would cause her more harm than food, and with time, he’d come to see it.

But time had only worked to muddle his mind and darken his thoughts. He had spent months fighting with his mind over his mistake, over hurting the one person who had stolen his heart in the hundreds of years he had walked the earth. Only she had been able to break through the wall he had built around himself—not even the very family he had built for himself had gotten as close as she had. (Y/N) was everything he had prayed for, and he’d thrown away that blessing for fear he would spoil her, taint her, harm her. And in protecting her, he had bestowed upon her the greatest hurt of all. He had broken her heart and left his with her.

There weren’t many things Carlisle regretted in his life. After living for so long, he couldn’t. Regret could take over if he let it, sinking its claws into the depths of his mind. But leaving (Y/N) behind was the one thing he could never atone for. Words had spewed from his mouth before he could stop them. Thinking he’d never see her again, he needed to make sure she hated him for the rest of her life. If he was the villain in her story, she wouldn’t have cared what happened to him after.

Yet he had failed to remember who she was. (Y/N) cared. She didn’t need a reason to; she simply cared about everything and everyone. Whether it was a complete stranger or her childhood friend, she cared so much about them. Caring came naturally to her; it was programmed into the fabric of her being. The minute she didn’t, that’s when you’d know she had given up on you. And it seemed it took more than Carlisle had counted on.

(Y/N) had put her life on the line to make sure Carlisle came back to his senses. He’d been so lost inside his own mind that he wasn’t able to distinguish between delusion and reality. But she was determined to bring him back, no matter what.

“That was a very stupid thing you did, darling,” he found himself whispering. “You should have left me there.”

“She loves you, you know,” Theo muttered in response. “As much as you tried to push her away, deep down, she still loves you. That’s what keeps getting her hurt.”

“I wanted her to hate me. That’s why I did what I did,” he confessed. There was nothing he could say that would ever make things right, but he had to let it out. “If she hated me, then it wouldn’t be hard for her to move on. She was supposed to have a brilliant life without me. She was meant to forget me and make something of herself.”

“But that’s not what happened, is it?” Theo pushed. “You forgot to consider the love she had for you. You forgot that just as you had fallen for her, she fell for you. She loved you more than you thought possible, and it wrecked her, Carlisle. And I didn’t know how much until today.”

“What do you mean?” Esme asked, diverting her sight from the road.

“(Y/N) was willing to die to make sure you got home,” she said. “She hurt herself because she had faith you would come back to reality and help her. Even if she didn’t know if you would, she put her life in your hands. That’s love.”

And it was. As much as he wanted to believe that he had done the right thing by leaving her, Carlisle knew that her love was just as deeply carved as his was. He had crawled his way into her heart, and just as she had left a part of herself in him, he had left a part of himself in her—planted deep and ever-growing. It was a part that would remain for the rest of their lives, even if they wanted it gone.

“Love is often the greatest detriment of all,” he sighed. “It’s the reason we are in this mess in the first place.”

“I’d say we’re in this mess because you couldn’t say no to little boy wonder,” Theo scoffed. “There were so many other choices you could have decided on before breaking her heart in the way you did. This is all because of a choice you made.”

“Theo, there’s no need to be so harsh,” Esme said, placing a hand on Theo’s. “I know he’s regretting everything he did already.”

“It’s quite alright, dear friend. Her words are less than I deserve.”

“I told you to come back months ago,” Theo continued. “I told you to make things right with her—to right your wrongs. As a matter of fact, you should have never left. At the very least, you should have taken her with you.”

“I cannot live in all I should have done, Theodora. Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen Forks to reside in. Maybe I should have stayed in Alaska for longer, maybe even London. Maybe I should have waited until (Y/N)’s passing to grace the lands of Washington again,” Carlisle cried. “But that’s not what I did, and I cannot change the past. As much as I would want things to be different, I cannot change what I already did. I can only make sure I don’t keep hurting her anymore.”

“She’s a special person, Carlisle. You were able to see that but not treasure it. She’ll never be the same after you, and I need you to know that,” the woman continued. “(Y/N) deserves better.”

“I know,” he said. “She deserves the world, but I wasn't strong enough to give it to her.”

The rest of the car ride was quiet, with Carlisle's attention solely focused on (Y/N). He wiped away the specs of dirt that stained her face, softly tracing the lines that made up her face. Lovely, he thought. The most beautiful woman he'd ever been blessed to lay his eyes upon. The owner of his heart, the woman of his dreams, the answer to his silent prayers... the girl he had broken until there was nothing left of her.

(Y/N) ended the day just like she had started it, confused. Last she remembered, Carlisle had her pressed against the cave wall, his hand tightly around her neck. But she was comfortable now. Maybe she was dead. In hindsight, slicing her arm in a confined space full of vampires was not the best idea.

Her eyes fluttered open to find the same bedroom she had left hours before. Only this time, the sun had set, and the stars shined brightly in the sky. Her arm was neatly bandaged, and she could feel the tightness of sutures under it. She wasn't dead—that much she knew. She was back at the house, but she had no idea if the plan had worked.

“Good,” a voice startled her. “You're awake.”

“Carlisle,” she croaked, her hand flying to the bandaged wound. “You're here. I wasn't... I didn't know if it worked.”

“Yes, your life-defying stunt did work,” he chuckled softly. “Too well, I might add. Had all of us scared to death. We thought...”

“But it worked,” she interjected. “That's all that matters.”

“Right. Of course.”

“What time are we leaving? I'm guessing tomorrow since it's already late enough now.”

“Oh, well,” he cleared his throat, “Esme found some tickets for eight in the morning, but if it's too early, we can...”

“Eight is fine,” she said. “Guess I should use this time to sleep then. And make up a plausible reason for this wound.”

“We should talk, (Y/N). We...”

“Not right now, Carlisle. I just... I want…” The words died in her throat. What did she want? Getting back together was surely a grave mistake—even if her heart still beat to the rhythm of his name. She wanted answers, of course. But she couldn't be in the same room as him for too long, or she was afraid she'd burst into tears and never stop. She hadn't even stopped to look at him...

“Oh, Carlisle,” (Y/N) whimpered. His face was still gaunt, painted with the evidence of hunger. His eyes were as dark as coal, the circles under trying to match them in color. He looked tired, most of all. And for a creature that required no sleep, that meant something. Without thinking twice, she cradled his face, running her thumb against his sharp cheekbone. “You haven't fed yet.”’

“I fed enough,” he answered, closing his eyes as he leaned into her touch. He had missed her warmth, her compassion. He had missed because he had thrown her away. And yet, he still held out hope. “But I wanted to be here when you woke up. It's my fault you're hurt.”

“I knew what I was getting myself into,” she said. “Only something drastic would work to break you out of madness. So, I did what I had to.”

“Still... you could've...”

“I could have died, I know,” the girl sighed. “But I didn't. And everyone is going home. That's what's important.”

There he was.

No longer a face that clouded her mind. Carlisle was there; she could feel him. Even in his state, he was still the most beautiful man she had seen. Somehow, just by being in his presence, she could feel her anger for him dissipating. His allure was strong, intoxicating even. She could feel her resolve dwindling. The months of work she had gone through would have been for nothing if she kept his gaze for one more second.

“(Y/N)...”

“You should go feed, Carlisle,” she said. (Y/N) straightened herself out on the bed, pulling the covers up to her neck. “And I should go sleep. Long day tomorrow, you know?”

“Oh, uh, of course,” he stammered. “I guess I'll see you in the morning, then.”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) smiled. Her eyes followed his figure toward the entrance, trying her best to keep her from yelling his name. “See you in the morning.”

Without another word, the vampire closed the door behind him, allowing her to let out the breath she had been holding. She had prepared herself mentally to see him again, she had gone over every scenario that could arise in her head. But nothing she had imagined could compare to their reality.

Tears welled in the back of her eyes, making her chin tremble as she fought against her emotions. (Y/N) believed she had gotten over her feelings for Carlisle. Even if the love lay dormant under the surface, she thought she at least had control over it. But everything bubbled to the surface��love, anger, betrayal, disappointment. He was everything in one and more than she could manage. He had been the reason for so many of her tears, yet he had also been the reason for so much of her joy. Carlisle had taught her love. He taught her passion and enjoyment. He taught her sensuality and possession. He had given, and he had taken. He had been her everything until he had become nothing. And, in a matter of seconds, he became the same infectious being he had been months before. The man who had made a home in her heart and refused to go.

But one thing was for sure, (Y/N) could not allow him to just waltz back into her life like nothing had happened, like no scars had been made. Although her entire being ached and yearned for him, she could not. The girl had lost herself after Carlisle had gone, transformed into a person she had no desire to remember. That version of her had hurt, had lied, had drowned her sorrows in a bottle of vodka, and made the decision she would always regret. (Y/N) could not go back to being in a position where Carlisle could hurt her in that way again.

Instead of giving him any more thought, she decided to simply succumb to sleep once more. Thinking alone was exhausting enough, with the events of the day, she was ready to sleep until the next year.

Still, as she felt the weight of slumber fall upon her, she heard a whisper from the other side of the door.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Carlisle murmured, possibly thinking she had already fallen asleep. “And I'm sorry.”

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