#lena needs some therapy and quickly

[spooksnett]

Lena is so screweddddd

I think Gwen has made a mistake but not in the 'shes stupid' kind of way

Gwen is a bit oblivious sometimes and definitely not prepared for the horrors but she's not stupid. she knows now how bad things would be if it was only her dealing with all this. By giving that flash drive to Trevor she's basically thrown Lena under the bus. Lena could be fired or worse.

Someone is sending Gwen this information. the 'anonymous third party' seems to know a damn lot about Lena. 20 WHOLE YEARS OF PROOF. that's a long time! :D they've been watching her and clearly they want her out of power but cant do it themselves so they are using gwen to do it. but if Lena is just kicked out, the OIAR is SCREWED. Lena is the only one who knows what's she's doing and even she is barely holding the place together. Gwen knows this. I understood at first why Gwen wanted Lena gone but now she knows the true horrors of what the OIAR does and how dangerous it is and Gwen hasn't mentioned wanting Lena's job since she learnt about this. Even if Gwen hates Lena, she knows its better to have someone who knows what they are doing in the midst. getting rid of her to deal with things alone is a dangerous move and Gwen wouldn't do that. Gwen's motives have changed a lot. She originally wanted Lena's job, then she wanted to know more, then she had a period of time she didn't really want anything and she was not content but she was putting up with Lena cause she knew the OIAR needs her. now she wants her out of power again? why.

WELL

I think it's the last email she got. this third party sent her an email last episode and suddenly now Gwen is using her blackmail and giving it to a government official? she could have done that at any time but didn't.

this is only a theory but I'm guessing this third party has basically said if Lena is out of power, things will still be okay. SOMEONE will take over and handle things. They have to be saying getting rid of Lena isn't dangerous cause they have preparations. Gwen KNOWS she can't handle it alone. I CANT STRESS HOW STUPID GETTING RID OF LENA WOULD BE IF THEY DONT HAVE A BACKUP. they have to. I think Gwen's maybe being manipulated here. Clearly this person does not like Lena at all. it just confuses me why they are only doing this now. they aren't related to the archivist Alice and Sam released cause they've been watching for so long. they have to be involved with the cameras watching them instead. the German source code. what Colin is losing his mind over basically. 20 years of proof. 20 years to do something. but they decided now to send this stuff to Gwen and push her in the right direction to give the evidence to Trevor. they are very good at timing things well. giving Gwen the information at the right time.

basically I think this person might be trying to run the OIAR but they need Lena out first and they are just straight up pupetting Gwen.

the only thing I can't figure out is it they are 'good' or 'bad'. what are their intentions after Lena is gone. what have they promised Gwen. who are they that they have convinced Gwen NOT having the only one who actually knows the full truths of the horrors there to help is better than having her

Gwen. I think you've made a huge mistake and Lena is so screwed. it's clear Lena doesn't actually have much power. the government shoves all this on her and just expects her to get it dealt with. they don't actually care and damn Trevor didn't even know what they do at the OIAR but he did have a go at Lena when she did something the government didn't like. she's being put under so much pressure to deal with all this alone and not even the government will help her.

I've said this since day 1 but I will defend Lena Kelley with my entire life. she's trying so damn hard but its physically impossible and she's getting in trouble for things she can't control and now Gwen might have just made it a million times worse

Gwen I love you to death but that was dumb. Lena I'm so sorry but you're so screwed

thank you for listening to my Lena Kelley rambles part 3629838495

[upat4amwiththemoon]

Can you do a wandanat x daughter where she's like an adult and her mom's are used to her anxiety attacks by now, so they're just there with her telling her to breathe, but this one is a really bad one so she passes out, which scares them. And its all angst and she's still their baby. And if aunt yelena could be there, being all soft and worried and loving fluff.

I love protective wanda, nat and yelena.

Anxiety

Summary: It never fully goes away.

Pairing: WandaNat x daughter!reader

Warnings: panic attack

Word count: 698

a/n: much love

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore

Her breathing picks up quickly as she leaves the job interview. It’s her first one since her years ago. Y/N knew the job interview would be difficult, as these things have always been, but she really thought she had gotten better with therapy.

With shaking hands, Y/N opens Wanda and Natasha’s door with the spare key they gave her when she moved out.

“Mom? Mama?” She cries out, dropping to the ground as her breathing get faster.

The fist one to come to her is Wanda. “Honey?” She kneels next to her, setting her hands on Y/N’s cheeks. “Hey, sweetheart, can you take a really deep breath for me?”

“I- I can’t. I can’t breathe, mama, please.”

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Wanda shushes quietly. That’s when Natasha and Yelena show up to the hall.

“What happened?” Natasha kneels next to Wanda, while Yelena stays in the doorway between the hall and the living room with a frown on her face. “Can you follow my breathing?” She takes Y/N’s hand.

Her breathing turns more and more erratic. “No, no. I can’t stop.” She pulls her hand away from Natasha’s, pushing both of her palms over her ears. “Make it s-stop!” Her breaths turn into small gasps.

Wanda wraps her arms around Y/N, her worry increasing by the minute. These attacks weren’t unusual by any means, Y/N has suffered them since she was a child, but usually Wanda and Natasha were able to help her through them quickly.

“It-“ a quick inhale, “-hurts.” There are tears in her eyes. She stares at Natasha and Wanda as her gaze starts turning fuzzy, and then she passes out.

Slowly, Y/N starts regaining her consciousness. She opens her eyes, but closes them right away with a groan. The lights are too bright. “She’s awake!” Someone’s voice shouts from over her. It’s still a bit muffled. “How are you feeling?”

“Mmmmh.” With a bit of struggle, Y/N opens her eyes properly to see Yelena’s face incredibly close to her own. “Back up a bit, would you?”

Yelena rolls her eyes. “She’s fine.” She shouts to the two women. “You scared your moms.”

Y/N doesn’t even get a chance to say anything before Natasha and Wanda rush to her side, the latter holding a wet towel on her hand. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

“Fine, fine.” She mumbles, standing up with a sigh.

Natasha has a frown on her face while Wanda tries to dap the towel on Y/N’s forehead. “You haven’t passed out before.” She rubs Y/N’s arm. “What happened?”

Pushing away the towel, Y/N rubs her eyes. “I had a job interview, and it went shitty.”

“Language.” Wanda whispers, making Yelena snort.

Y/N rolls her eyes. “I thought I’d be ready to get a job and stop being a failure, but I guess not.”

“Y/N..” Natasha sighs. “You aren’t a failure for that. It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, yeah. I have heard that a million times. It just feels bad when all of my friends are working while I’m just sleeping all the days away.”

“Sleeping alone, I hope.” Yelena snickers, though Y/N knows there’s some serious protectiveness in her aunt’s voice.

“Lena!” She pushes her, though it doesn’t really affect her, as Yelena is much stronger than her. “Who I sleep with does not concern you.”

Yelena scrunches her brows. “Uh, yes it does. I will hurt anyone who does anything to you.”

“Okay,” Wanda stops the conversation, “we’re all very protective of her and will hurt anyone if needed, we all know that.” Y/N glares at her, but Wanda ignores it. “Now, lets put on a movie and relax, yeah? I don’t want you being home alone after you passed out.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Both Y/N and Yelena salute, knowing how strict Wanda can be.

With an exaggerated sigh, Wanda goes to the kitchen to get snacks, and a giggling Natasha follows her.

Y/N and Yelena start fighting over the remote the minute they’re out of the ear shot. Which results in Natasha berating them both and snatching up the remote herself.

Y/N and Yelena start fighting over the remote the minute they’re out of the ear shot. Which results in Natasha berating them both and snatching up the remote herself.

Y/N and Yelena start fighting over the remote the minute they’re out of the ear shot. Which results in Natasha berating them both and snatching up the remote herself.

[danversxluthor]

The Super Blues (Pt 2) -- REWRITE

Kara and Lena meant to talk to Lori the morning after the parent teacher conference, but once again life got in the way. Supergirl was needed at a massive industrial fire near the wharf and Lena was called in for an emergency board meeting on a critical therapeutic acquisition. Their parents’ temporary absence wasn’t an uncommon occurrence and neither of the Luthor-Danvers kids were surprised or offended by it. The girls simply went about their days getting ready and then heading off to yet another day of school. 

As the week went on, more Supergirl emergencies sprung up and the acquisition discussion turned into multiple days of intense negotiations to seemingly no avail. As much as Lena and Kara were concerned about Lori and wanted to talk to her, they just couldn’t seem to find the ideal time. Alex was even helping out by driving El to and from her speech therapy, which also served the purpose of checking up on Lori.

Finally, Thursday morning rolled around, and the outside world seemed to quiet down. Kara took the opportunity to make her famous blueberry pancakes before her girls were up and getting ready for school. While Kara cooked, Lena made sure the girls were up and moving. To no surprise, Ellie was already dressed and packed up for school. 

“Good morning sweetheart” Lena greeted from the doorway. El went to wave but corrected herself seeing her mom’s raised eyebrow.

“‘Morn-ing” El greeted, “can you sign my per-per-miss-ion form?” El asked handing out the piece of paper. 

Lena quickly read through the form. “Oh, the science museum, that's wonderful El. Of course.” Lena signs her name and notes the date in her smartphone. “Now get downstairs before Jeju eats all the pancakes by herself.” And with that, El was off. 

Lori has never been a morning person and has always put up a fight to get out of bed, especially on a school day. 

Knock knock

Lena waits, not hearing any movement or seeing any lights flicker on under the doorway. 

“Lori…” Lena calls before knocking yet again. “Lori, come on sweetheart, it's time to get up for school.” Lena waits again, but after hearing no movement, she opens the door to find Lori curled up under the covers looking like a lump on the bed. After flicking on the lights, Lena makes her way over to the bed and sits gently, slowly peeling back the covers. 

“Lori, it's time to get up baby.” Lena rubs her hand up and down her daughters back slowly rousing Lori from her sleep. Lori curls in on herself further and smooshes her face into her pillow to hide from the uninvited light.

“Come on Lor, you don't want to be late for school.” Lori grumbles and starts to roll out of bed, her golden hair a complete mess. Lena kisses Lori on the forehead and walks out to give her daughter some privacy to get ready for the day.

“Oh, and better hurry, Jeju made her famous pancakes.” Lena calls from the hallway. Despite sleeping for over nine hours the teen is still exhausted. Lori makes her way to the bathroom to try and salvage some sort of acceptable look for the day. She’s glad for the school uniform - one less thing to think about. Lori pulls her unruly golden hair into a messy bun and washes her face. She looks over at the makeup but doesn’t have the energy to make the effort. Who really cares anyway. As long as she doesn't stand out she’s fine. 

El has finished her fifth pancake by the time Lori makes her way down the stairs. 

“Morning Lor,” Kara calls out, “how many pancakes for you?” 

“I don’t know, whatever's left I guess,” Lori pours herself a large thermos of black coffee and sits next to El. She sips at her coffee knowing well enough that no amount of caffeine can bring her out of the exhaustion. 

“How are the pancakes kiddo?” Kara calls over her shoulder as she goes about cleaning the dishes. After receiving no response, she tries again. “Lori, how are the pancakes? I didn’t burn them, did I?” And still no answer. 

Lena looks up from her tablet to see Lori staring out the window, tired eyes unfocused. Kara and Lena share a concerned look. El goes to get Lori’s attention, but Lena smoothly intercepts her. 

“Ellie, why don’t you get your book bag and shoes ready.” Lena suggests, eyes not leaving Lori. El, sensing something else far more serious is going on, quickly makes her exit. 

“Lori,” Lena says as she takes El’s seat and slowly brushes her hand against Lori’s shoulder. Kara has now stopped washing the dishes and is looking across the island at her eldest. The touch seems to have brought Lori back to the kitchen. 

“Hmm?” Lori’s eyes refocus and her gaze meets her Jeju’s across the island. “What was that?” Lori asks in a monotone. 

“Are you feeling ok, Lor?” Kara asks. 

“Yeah, just a bit tired I guess.” Lori explains as she picks up her fork and starts cutting the pancakes in front of her. She isn’t really hungry though, just doesn’t want to see Jeju's concerned face anymore. Lori knows she’s not fine, she knows she is more than just tired, but she doesn’t know what she is. And how can she possibly put something so minor on her parents who are already so overstretched. No, Lori knows she has to hold it together. 

“Do you want to stay home today?” Lena asks in a soft tone. “I can stay with you. My schedule is completely empty, so it would be just you and me. We can stay in and cuddle and watch movies or we could sneak out for lunch, maybe even see Aunt Alex?” Lori continues to push around the pancakes on her plate, half listening to her mom. 

“I’m fine. El and I should probably get going.” Lori leaves the cut up but uneaten pancakes on her plate and she starts getting up from the counter.

“Ok, Lori, but you can always call us from school if you need to come home and rest,” Kara comments. Alex had reported to Kara that Lori barely left her room during the week. Kara didn’t know what to make of this. Lori was looking rather pale and warn down. 

“Sure thing, Jeju,” Lori assured, trying to sound livelier to ease her parents' obvious concern. 

“We’re just worried and we love you. You can come to us with anything.” Lena says. 

“I promise I’m totally fine,” Lori says assures her parents again, this timing adding a small smirk, but the look on her moms’ faces tell her they’re not convinced. Lori walks briskly out of the kitchen to avoid any further caring remarks that just make her feel worse and worse about being an unnecessary burden. A few seconds later, Ellie sneaks through the kitchen after her sister. 

—

“Kelly, I have no idea what to do,” Lena says in exasperation. “She isn’t talking to us. She didn’t even want to stay home from school. She’s barely eating. At least she’s keeping up with school, but that's always been a walk in the park for her. What do we do?” Both Kara and Lena were in Lena’s office talking with Kelly on speaker phone. After this morning, the pair knew that it wasn’t as easy ask talking to Lori, especially when Lori had no interest in talking to them.

“You’re right to be concerned, and you’re doing the right thing by trying to talk it out.” Kelly reassures the pair. “Ultimately, Lori has to be open up on her own. Sometimes that's hard, especially for a teenager. Keep letting her know you’re here for her no matter how hard she pushes you away. It's also probably best to keep an eye on her. I know you both have difficult schedules, but to the extent at least one of you can be around in the morning or after school when the kids are home, that would be helpful.” 

��I know you told me not to, but I went on webMD and did some digging on team mental health. And... do you think she might have an eating disorder or hurt herself or…” Kara asks, swallowing her words hard. Lena squeezes her wife’s hand, dreading the thought that Lori would resort to such a thing. 

“Lori is in a unique and volatile phase of life. Teen hormones and emotions are in constant flux, it’s difficult to say what's going on without having more information.” Kelly explains. “WebMD can be a great resource, Kara, but it can lead to some quick and often misleading conclusions. For right now, just keep an eye on Lori and make sure she’s eating enough, bathing, sleeping, etc. and, Kara, maybe take a break from webMD.”

“Thank you, Kelly. We really appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule.” Lena says as she rubs her temples. 

“Anytime. I’m always happy to help. Love you both.” 

“Thanks again Kel. Love you.” 

---

As the school day went on, Lori was feeling more and more out of it. She felt guilty for being so short with her moms this morning and annoyed at herself for worrying them. Lori made it to lunch and was out behind the gym, when she realized the bell had already rung for next period. 

Despite already being late, Lori didn’t move. She stayed staring up at the sky wondering what it would be like to just disappear. She could do it. She could leave. She could get away from everything. So, Lori got up, feeling far removed from everything around her and started walking. Not back into the school, but out into the city. She walked a block without being stopped and then another and another. Before she knew it, she was across town and headed over the bridge. She couldn’t feel her legs and barely noticed her surroundings. She just kept walking. 

—

“Ma’am, the schools on the line for you,” Liz, Lena’s new assistant, called in. 

“Thank you, Liz, please patch them through.” Lena was already preparing to pack up, guessing that Lori finally took them up on the offer to stay home for the day. 

“This is Lena,” she answered in her typical business tone.

“Mrs. Luthor-Danvers, hello, this is Principal Higgins from National City Prep. I’m sorry to call you at work, but it seems Lori has not checked into her past two classes.” The message is far from what Lena anticipated and her heart rate starts to pick up. 

“She hasn’t checked in? Is her car in the lot?” Lena questions as Kara lands on her balcony having sensed the spike in heart rate. 

“Her car is still here at the school. Our security team has reviewed footage and she didn’t leave from either of the main school entrances. We’ll keep an eye out for her and call with any updates.”

“Thank you.” Lena says before hanging up the phone and grabbing onto Kara like her life depends on it and letting her tears fall. 

“We’re going to find her Lee, I promise.” Kara holds her wife.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[nineteenninety-six]

A Good Day for A Wedding

Prompt:  The day started gloomy, not quite letting on what beautiful things could happen on a day like this.

WORD COUNT: 1.8K

PROMPT LIST 

The day started gloomy, not quite letting on what beautiful things could happen on a day like this.

Oscar was already gone when (Y/N) had woken up, putting her into a foul mood until she drank her coffee. She firmly believed that a kiss and a cuddle from Oscar in the morning always made her day go well and she had yet to be proven wrong.

She checked her phone as she sipped on her coffee, hoping to find out where Oscar had disappeared to but all she got was a text telling her that he would be out all day and Cesar was out of the house too but (Y/N) guessed that he was out with friends, wanting to make the most out of summer break.

Alone at the house, (Y/N) pondered over what to do with her day, she had already cleaned the house the day before and there was enough food in the house so she didn’t need to go shopping but thankfully she was saved by a text from her best friend Lena.

“Nails and shopping day??”

(Y/N) grinned at the text before she sent off an agreeing reply, there was nothing wrong with a bit of retail therapy.

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) frowned at the overcast sky, the clouds were dark grey no doubt foretelling the downpour they would receive at some point.

“If only the weather was nicer” (Y/N) complains, “We could have totally had a few cocktails on the porch after we were done if it was sunny”

Lena glanced at the clouds and frowned herself before she shrugged her shoulders, “It’s okay, we’re going to be inside all day anyway”

“Hmm, I suppose”

Lena rolled her eyes as she pulled into the shopping centres parking lot, “Stop pouting. Now, which first, shopping or manicure?” (Y/N) thought about it as they made their way into the building before she finally decided on shopping first,

“Hmm, shopping first, nails after”

Lena hooked her arms in hers and shot her a smile, “Your wish is my command!”

Lena hummed as she looked through the clothes on the rack, she wasn’t really paying attention to what she was looking at as she tried to think of a way to get (Y/N) to buy a particular dress. Oscar told her that as long as it was white, it didn’t matter and even though it sounded fairly easy, Lena hoped that (Y/N) didn’t become suspicious.

“Find anything you like?”

Lena jumped out of her skin when (Y/N) suddenly appeared at her shoulder,

“Oh fuck, you scared me!” Lena threw a mock glare at her friend before turning back to the racks, “But, no I haven’t. What about you?”

(Y/N) grinned as she showed her friend what she had picked up so far, “I got a few shirts and this really cute skirt”

“Oh, that is cute. Where is it? I want one too”

Lena picked up a skirt for herself before they headed to the tills, but she didn’t forget about trying to convince (Y/N) to get a dress.

.•° ✿ °•.

Three stores later and Lena had been unsuccessful in trying to convince (Y/N) to buy a dress that she had found, they were all different styles but were white yet (Y/N) wasn’t interested in any of them.

Lena could tell that (Y/N) was getting tired and she was too so she suggested a little break for the two of them,

“Smoothie break? We’re close to the store that does your favourite”

(Y/N) lit up at the suggestion of smoothies and before Lena knew it, she was getting dragged by an enthusiastic (Y/N) towards the smoothie shop.

After they had gotten their drinks, they sat on one of the benches and eagerly slurped their smoothes and though Lena wished she could just lounge around with her friend and drink smoothies all day, she was on a time constraint.

They were aimlessly wandering around the shopping complex when (Y/N) suddenly stopped in her tracks, eyes locked on a display in a store. The mannequin was wearing a flowy white midi summer dress with short loose sleeves, it was gorgeous.

“Do you like it?” Lena asked, secretly holding her fingers hoping that (Y/N) did enjoy it.

(Y/N) nodded, “It’s so pretty.”

Lena grinned, “Go try it on!”

(Y/N) nodded and made her way into the store and found where the dresses were before going into a changing room whilst Lena looked for shoes that might match the dress.

“So...what do you think?” (Y/N) stepped out wearing the dress and the heels Lena found and spun around.

“Oh, it’s gorgeous...you’re gorgeous” Lena gushed, trying not to cry.

(Y/N) looked at the mirror looking at herself from different angles, “You think?”

“Yes absolutely! You have to get the dress”

(Y/N) nodded and smiled at Lena, “And the shoes of course” .•° ✿ °•.

The girls returned to the car after buying the dress along with getting a manicure and Lena began to drive them back but with a detour.

“Hey, where are we going? You missed the exit”

Lena looked over at her friend and winked at her, “Just a minor detour, don’t worry. I promise you’ll like it”

(Y/N) raised a curious eyebrow but nodded along, it wasn’t as if she was going to jump out of the car anyway.

They arrived at the place which was a small building and what looked like to be a large garden area to (Y/N). They stepped out of the car and (Y/N) looked up at the sky and noticed the dark clouds had disappeared,

“Look, the sun’s coming through”

Lena looked up at the sky and smiled, “Lucky for us”

(Y/N) was shuffled into the building and then guided into a small room before disappearing and (Y/N) was left alone and confused with only her bag with her newly bought clothes.

She wasn’t left alone for long before there was a knock on the door and someone walked in and (Y/N) who assumed it was Lena was surprised when she saw who it actually was.

“Mom?!” (Y/N) was more than confused at this point, “Why the hell are you here? Actually, why the hell am I here? Why are you dressed up?”

(Y/N)’s mother ignored her questions as she made her way over to the bag and opened it up,

“Lena said your dress was gorgeous.”

“Mom!” (Y/N) shouted, fed up “What the hell is happening?”

Her mom sent her a calming smile, “Go get changed into the dress and I’ll tell you what is happening whilst I do my hair”

Knowing that she wouldn’t be getting any answers anytime soon, (Y/N) got dressed and then sat in front of the table with a mirror on it as her mother began to work on her hair.

“Oscar is a very wonderful man, he cares for you a lot. You two are the best for each other and I know you’ll live a happy life with him.” Her mother smiled at her through the mirror, “That is why he decided to do something for you, something big.”

“What?”

Her mother took her left hand in hers and touched the engagement ring that rested on her finger.

“Oh” Suddenly it (Y/N) and she understood what was happening, finally understanding why Oscar had been gone since the morning and why Lena had taken her out and kept pushing her towards white dresses.

“Are you saying that Oscar set up a wedding?”

“I am and he along with your friends and family are out there waiting for you”

“Oh shit” (Y/N) wanted to cry but she quickly blinked away her tears

“Save your tears for when you say your vows” Her mother teased, “You ready? Your father is waiting outside.”

(Y/N) quickly checked the mirror to make sure her makeup was still fine and her hair looked good before she left the room with the mother and met up with her father who was chatting to Lena.

“You ready?” Lena handed her a bouquet with a teasing smile. She herself had changed into different clothes to fit the occasion.

(Y/N) pulled her friend into a tight hug and whispered into her ear, “Thank you”

Lena kissed her on the cheek before she disappeared with her mother leaving just her and her father.

Her father held his arm out, “You ready princess?”

(Y/N) took a deep breath and nodded, “I’m ready”

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N)  and her father stepped out into the garden as Wedding March played from a nearby speaker and as (Y/N) walked down the aisle, she saw all the knowing the smiles on the faces of her friends and family meaning she was the only one who was in the unknown but she didn’t care.

Oscar was up ahead by the altar dressed in a suit with Cesar next to him as his best man and (Y/N) smiled at both of them as she slowly made her way towards them.

The outdoor area was decorated with balloons, flowers, confetti and everything else possible needed for an outdoor wedding. It was simple yet more than enough.

Her father placed her hand in Oscar’s and gave her a kiss on the cheek before he took a seat next to her mother and (Y/N) turned to face Oscar with a grin.

“You are a wonderful yet crazy man, do you know that?” (Y/N) whispered as the officiant began the ceremony.

Oscar sent her a wink before he turned to the officiant to pay attention.

.•° ✿ °•.

With the ceremony over, the reception was in full swing. The altar had been placed aside and tables had been brought out, the food was flowing along with the drinks and Cesar and his friends were the DJ’s.

(Y/N) and Oscar had hidden away in the room that she was in earlier for a few moments of privacy,

“I can’t believe you managed to set this all up without me noticing” (Y/N) giggled as she admired the new ring on her finger.

Oscar wrapped her up in his large arms and pressed a kiss to her head, “You don’t mind that I did all of this without you?”

(Y/N) shook her head, “Absolutely not! The amount of love and care you put into this makes it beyond anything I could have done. Today is amazing and so are you”

Oscar gave her one more kiss before they headed out towards the garden,

“C’mon we’ve got to mingle, eat and drink”

And as (Y/N) fed Oscar some cake, she realised she was wrong. Today, for the first time ever, went well even though she didn’t get a morning kiss and cuddle from Oscar.

[reminiscingtonight]

Cry Me To Sleep [Sneak Peak]

Alright so I have to admit that I haven’t really worked much on this series (apart from Break My Heart Again and its second part). Still not quite sure when they’ll all be done or posted, but as my apology for making y’all wait so long, here’s a sneak peak into each of the 10 fics.

Feel 2 Much (Natasha Romanoff x Reader)

~I don’t want to feel anymore~

You were going to be my forever. You choke back the sob that’s threatening to leave you. Natasha doesn’t seem to notice as she continues to nip at your collarbone. Your hands tangle in red locks as she starts moving down your body, pressing a kiss against every new piece of skin that she can reach. Forget forever. The pain radiating in your heart takes a back seat as a jolt of pleasure shoots through your body a couple minutes later. Just give me one more night.

Is It Just Me? (Natasha Romanoff x Reader)

~Are you hurting like I am?~

It was fun to picture it at first. Imagining Natasha in pain. Imagining that she was breaking on the inside as much as you were. Normally cool and collected, you hoped that under all that calm exterior she was hurting just like you. It was a great way for you to pass the time, avoiding your own feelings by imagining hers. But now it was the only thing you could think of. 

Hold Me While You Wait (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

~You don’t know if you love me anymore~

“Stay?” “Until the end.” Her arms tighten around you and you let yourself drift off, feeling safe and content in her warmth. ... “Will you stay?” “Until the end,” she promises, loving words once spoken while wrapped in the other now coming out choked and broken. 

Mean It (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

~Don’t tell me you love me if you don’t mean it~

“You only let me hold you when he can’t!” She’s taken back by your outburst, a look of surprise overtaking her annoyance. “(Y/N)...” “I would do anything for you, Wanda. I love you. But I need you to figure out what you want before we take this any further. It’s either him or me. You can’t have us both.”

No Goodbyes (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

~Can we just pretend that we’re okay for tonight?~

You’re not sure when it got this bad. Lingering glances and sweet whispered nothings turned into screaming bloody murder and the slamming of doors. And you’ve tried fixing it. You both have. But no matter how many dates you went on, no matter how many therapy sessions you went to, things just kept worse. It got to the point where neither of you could even stand to be in the same room anymore, always spending the night out with friends. If your friends ever noticed anything, they didn’t say it, only watching with heavy hearts as the once happy couple drifted further apart. Once upon a time you were happy. Once upon a time you were in love. Although neither of you said it, you both knew what was coming. Some things were just not made to last.

A Little Bit Yours (Alex Danvers x Reader)

~You’re not mine anymore but I’m still a little bit yours~

“I can’t help thinking that maybe if I had said the right things back then then things would’ve never gone this way. Maybe we’d still be together.” Your voice cracks as Kara watches on sympathetically. “Maybe she’d still love me.”

Roses (Lena Luthor x Reader)

~I love you. I need to know if you love me back~

“I got you this rose,” you say, sheepishly holding it out. Lena lets out a soft laugh as she takes it from your hands. There’s a blissed out look on her face as she raises the flower to her nose and inhales deeply. She always had a thing for flowers. Her eyes open with a playful glint. “What’s the special occasion?” You open your mouth, ready to shoot back a witty response, but it gets stuck in your throat when you remember why you’re here.

Too Much To Ask (Lena Luthor x Reader)

~Would it be too much to ask for you to come back?~

The lights come on in the driveway and you shoot up, eyes wide. You can’t help but hope it’s the woman who’s been on your mind nonstop for the past couple of months. The feeling in your chest only grows when the doorbell rings. You quickly scramble off the couch, your blanket falling to a heap on the ground. But when the door opens to reveal a blue suited, red caped hero, you’re confused. “Are you (Y/N)?” There’s an indecipherable look in her eyes and you find yourself feeling uneasy.

Lie To Me (Kara Danvers x Reader)

~I know you don’t love me but can you lie to me for tonight?~

“I’m sorry.” “Don’t,” you choke out, pulling yourself out of her grasp. Her eyes were watery but you knew it wasn’t for the same reason as you. “Did you ever love me?” “Of cours--” She rushes to assure you, but you cut her off. “Kara Danvers, don’t you dare lie to me. I deserve more than that.” “I…” Kara pauses before sighing. She runs a hand through her hair as her eyes stray towards the floor. “I don’t know.” A half-laugh, half-sob escapes before you can stop it. You’re shaking your head and backing away before she can come closer to comfort you. “You truly are one of a kind, Kara. I’ve told you all about the people of my past, and how they’ve hurt me, over and over again. “I never thought that you’d be one of them.” A beat of silence passes. And then: “I wish I never met you.”

Never Was (Kara Danvers x Reader)

~I wish I could’ve been someone you wanted~

Kara Danvers was the sun. That’s something no one would ever argue against. She radiated warmth and happiness from every single one of her pores. Anyone who’s ever met her would walk away feeling a thousand times better than when they first walked by. She had a natural aura that just made others gravitate towards her. Everyone either wanted to know her, be her, or be with her. And who could blame them? Kara Danvers was the sun. And she blinded you.

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Thirty Five

Masterlist

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 4.1k+

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Injury

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers x Sam Arias

This Part: Has the surgery been a success?

Man, sorry for the delay. Life has been hectic here and thankfully my Dad is okay. Despite having a mini heart attack and not being happy about the new meal plan and exercise he is doing 😅 I'm already 2k in on part 36... so hopefully won't be too long

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated. Please! I like knowing your thoughts.

Taglist: @finleyfray, @life-is-hella-unfair, @natasha-danvers, @supergirl-writingz, @camslightstories, @thinking1bee, @aznblossom

Lena holds her breath, along with everyone else in the room, as they watch Emma open her mouth.

‘Please work, please work, please work, please work, please, please, please.’ Lena wishes over and over, trying not to squeeze Emma’s hand too tight with her nerves.

But nothing happens.

Only the sound of her breath emits from Emma’s throat.

At this realisation, Lena’s stomach drops. She immediately schools her expression and tries to keep the devastation off her face as pained hazel green eyes snap to hers.

“Okay.” Doctor Sloan’s voice is calm despite the growing tension in the room. He pours some water into a cup and holds it out for Emma to take. “Have some water and try again.”

Lena observes the slight shake in Emma’s hand as she reaches out and takes the cup, lifting it to her lips. Wincing as the cool liquid slides down her swollen throat.

Taking another deep breath Emma slowly opens her mouth again and tries to make any sound.

Nothing comes out.

Doctor Sloan begins talking, his voice is soft and reassuring but all Lena can hear is the blood pumping around her ears and she lowers her head.

‘This is your fault.’ Her mind whispers cruelly to her. ‘If you hadn’t left her that day, if you had been there this wouldn’t have happened, if you had been enough-’

A scrape of a chair makes Lena’s head snap back up. Seeing Eliza jump up quickly and hold a clearly distraught Emma in her arms.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Eliza whispers into Emma’s ear as her daughter nuzzles her face into the crook of her Mom’s neck. Her mouth opens in silent sobs, her breath coming out in pained gasps.

Lena peers behind her, Alex, Kara, Lucy and Sam have disappeared from the room. Nia has her head in her hands and Lena can see tears falling to the floor, Brainy and Winn are already looking over their tablets, conversing on the next steps they could do to help. J’onn sadly meets her eyes and goes to sit in the chair Eliza just vacated.

“I don’t care!” Alex’s enraged voice yells from the open door leading into the corridor, making Lena let go of Emma’s hand and stride out of the room towards the other voices of her friends. Promptly closing the door as she steps through it, not wanting it to further stress Emma.

She pauses at the scene in front of her. Alex’s face red with fury, the doctor against the wall with Alex’s arm pressed against his neck. Sam and Kara have their hands on her shoulders to stop her, while Lucy just watches with her arms crossed tightly against her chest and Doctor Hamilton stares at the scene with her mouth open like a goldfish.

“Look, I know you’re upset, I get that.” Doctor Sloan says calmly, trying to soothe the furious redhead. “We knew this surgery might not succeed but others still might, possibly, work. This is a foundation for us to work on, to use different therapies, injections in her neck. There are other options we can use.”

“Alex.” Kara pleads softly, tears brimming her eyes.

“It didn’t work.” Alex gasps out as she shakes with adrenaline.

“Not this time.” The Doctor says with genuine sorrow in his eyes. “But I promise you, I am going to do everything in my power so that one day your sister can talk.”

“And sing.” Lucy narrows her eyes at him.

Doctor Sloan pauses and takes a deep intake of breath. “Hopefully.”

“Hopefully?!” Alex barks, her rage reigniting.

“Babe, that’s enough.” Sam pulls her girlfriend off the Doctor and holds her in an embrace.

“It didn’t work. It didn’t work.” Alex’s muffled voice can be heard weeping out.

Tears prick Lena’s eyes and she clenches her jaw. Slowly she builds up an expressionless mask to hide the devastation she is feeling. A wall to keep her pain in.

She watches as Doctor Sloan turns to leave with Doctor Hamilton and Lena strides after them. Stepping into the CEO, scientist role and out of her girlfriend status.

“Doctor Sloan.” She calls after him, passing her desolate friends on the way.

“Ms Luthor.” He nods at her apprehensively.

“I would like to discuss with you the equipment you used.” Lena motions for him to lead the way to Doctor Hamilton's office to continue their discussion.

Lucy watches her leave with the Doctors and debates about whether she should follow or not.

Deciding against it she turns back to Sam, Alex and Kara. The blonde superhero was now hugging Alex as the two sisters tried to console each other.

Sam and Lucy’s eyes meet and Lucy nods before turning back to go into the room. They will get through this. They have too.

-- -- --

Two Days After The Surgery

Emma is lying on her side in her bed. The room is in partial darkness with the windows being slightly tinted. Not allowing the sunlight to enter all day and distorting the colour of the sunset that she is ignoring.

Her throat feels tight and itchy from the surgery and all Emma really wants to do is sleep to escape the memories of the past few days. To escape to dreams filled with beaches, quiet places and safety.

Not the memories of seeing the devastation written on everyone’s faces. The absolute agony that exploded within her at the realisation that the surgery hadn’t worked.

The way her Mom was the only one who comforted her right away. That Lena had let go of her hand and disappeared, along with her sisters. When all Emma needed and wanted in that moment was to be in her arms. To have Lena’s soothing voice reassure her things will be okay. For her sisters to be sitting on the bed with her and comforting her.

She hears a light knock on the bedroom door but doesn’t move, just keeps staring ahead.

“Love?” Lena’s voice softly calls into the dark room after she pushes open the door. Emma hears the soft patter of Lena’s footsteps on the carpet until Emma feels the bed dips behind her. “Hey.” Lena coos out and wraps an arm around Emma’s waist. “Are you okay?”

‘No.’ Emma thinks but instead she reaches for her girlfriend’s hand and squeezes it three times.

“I love you too, but you didn’t answer my question.”

Emma doesn’t respond, just stares straight ahead at nothing. Her eyes fill, for what feels the millionth time, with tears.

“Em.” Lena’s voice cracks and Emma feels Lena roll her onto her other side. Darkness surrounds Emma as Lena holds her close but Emma doesn’t move.

“Lee?” Kara’s voice quietly calls from the bedroom door and Emma hears two sets of footprints pad over to the bed. “Hi little one.” Kara says softly but Emma keeps her head nuzzled in Lena’s chest.

“Has she been in bed all day?” Alex’s voice queries Lena.

“I- yes, I think so. I did try to get her up earlier but she just lays here.”

Emma hears Alex sigh heavily and feels Alex get on the bed behind her. “Hey peanut.” A hand touches Emma’s shoulder and she unintentionally flinches under her sister’s hand. “Sorry.” Alex’s hand falters for a moment but gently lowers until it's fully resting on her shoulder again. Emma slowly breathes out and forces the tears to not fall.

“Everyone’s here for a Superfriends night. We will do whatever you want.” Kara's voice sounds airy and light but frustration bubbles within Emma. All she wants to do is lay in bed and sleep and not have to perform. To pretend she is okay.

Emma lets out a heavy breath through her nose, to try and release the bubbling frustration she is feeling.

“You don’t have to love. You can stay in here and rest. No one is expecting anything from you.” Lena says softly in Emma’s ear and kisses the top of her head.

Emma nods but stretches against Lena. Signalling she is about to get up.

Seeing this Alex moves off the bed and Emma rolls over and tries to sit up. The room spins, making her flop back into Lena.

The raven haired beauty chuckles, thinking it's due to Emma’s stiff body that she’s fallen back.

“I’ll help you up.” Alex reaches down and takes a hold of Emma’s hands. “On the count of three. One, two, threeee!”

Emma lets Alex help sit her up, also feeling Lena placing her hands on her back in case she falls again. When Alex moves away Emma carefully moves her legs off the bed, squinting her eyes as Lena turns the lights on.

“You are cleared to eat soft foods, so Nia and Brainy made us macaroni and cheese.” Kara says while heading into the walk-in wardrobe to grab Emma some fresh clothes. “I mean, it was Brainy’s idea which was really sweet.” Kara places the clothes by Emma and gives her a small smile.

Emma curves her lips up in response and nods. Wincing at the movement and runs a tired hand through her hair.

“We’ll see you out there.” Alex grabs a hold of Kara’s hand and they leave the room.

“Do you need help changing?” Lena asks beside her, having shuffled across the bed to sit next to her girlfriend.

Emma shakes her head and removes her t-shirt, exposing her naked chest. Making Lena groan.

“I can’t believe we have to wait over a month for me to ravish you.” Lena moans softly and kisses Emma’s cheek. “Good job we fucked in the bath huh?” Lena kisses Emma’s lips and the blonde kisses back. Smirking as Lena runs a hand gently over her chest.

The couple had been prepared that they couldn’t have sex for a while after the surgery. But when Doctor Sloan admitted the time frame to being a month and a half, Lena wanted to punch the Doctor.

Emma turns and raises an eyebrow at her. “I can still please you.”

“I know love. But I want to please you as well.” Lena slowly leans in and tenderly kisses Emma’s lips. “Plus, we do have to be careful.”

Emma lets out a heavy breath as she sighs and nods. Grabbing her clothes she quickly changes into loose jeans and a navy t-shirt with a sloth surfing a wave, while Lena waits on the bed.

“How do you make a simple outfit look so sexy?” Lena smirks at Emma, her eyes bright and glistening.

Emma gives her a small smile in response, which causes Lena’s to drop slightly.

“Hey, come here.” Lena opens her arms and Emma momentarily hesitates before falling into them. “I know this is less than ideal but we will get through this.”

Emma snuggles her head into Lena’s neck and breathes deeply. Allowing the feelings of safety and love to replace the anxiety she was feeling.

“Hey love birds!” Lucy shouts from the living area. “If you don’t come now all the food is gonna be consumed by two and a half cranky Kryptonians!”

“Hey!” Ruby squawks from the other room as Kara and Sam join in.

“Excuse me?!”

“I’m not cranky!!”

“Point proven babe.” Alex laughs and the sound of a light slap follows. “Ow! Hey Emma, help me!”

Pulling away from Lena, Emma quickly gets up and rushes into the living area. Alex is rubbing her arm and rolling her bottom lip forward as Sam shakes her head and chuckles.

“Emma!” Ruby yells and rushes over to the blonde.

“Ruby! Care-”

The teenager collides heavily with Emma, making her dispel a lot of air as she wraps her arms around her.

“-ful.” Sam finishes and rolls her eyes at her daughter. “Seriously that kid.”

Emma hugs Ruby back and smiles at them. When the teen breaks away Emma quickly moves to Alex’s side and wraps her arms protectively around her sister.

“She slapped me.” Alex whines and snuggles closer into Emma.

“Aww baby! I barely touched you.” Sam rubs Alex’s shoulder and sweetly kisses her cheek. Emma kisses Alex’s other cheek and shoots Sam a dirty look, making the brunette laugh. “I promise I won’t hurt her Em.”

Emma quickly nods and Alex nuzzles her nose into the side of Emma’s face.

“So food now?” Kara smiles brightly and lifts the lid on the simmering pan. “Rao, this smells so good!”

“Ooo yummy!” Ruby agrees as she takes in a big sniff of the delicious food.

“Thank you Kara, Ruby.” Brainy nods his head and picks up the spoon to dish the macaroni out.

“Yay!” Kara super speeds into a seat at the extended dining table with Ruby following right behind her. J’onn and Kara have flown in another fold up table and chairs so everyone could sit around a table together and eat.

Emma lets out a heavy snort through her nose as she watches her sister and the teenager.

“May they never change.” Alex laughs and moves to get everyone's drinks.

“Emma! Come sit next to me!” Ruby pats the vacant chair next to her. Emma grins slightly and goes to run over to them. Suddenly the room shifts and morphs around her.

‘Fuck no!’ Emma’s eyes go wide and she tries to avoid crashing into the table. Instead she trips on a chair leg, sending it flying and causing herself to slide across the floor, hitting her head on the back of the sofa.

“EMMA?!” A chorus of voices cry out her name and many rush over to her.

‘Ow.’ Emma moans, quickly sitting up with a cheerful smile on her face to show she was okay. But a blush colours her cheeks, showing her embarrassment.

“Stay down!” Alex orders furiously, her worry giving away to anger and Emma freezes as her sister kneels in front of her. “I need to check your wound.” She snaps and reaches out to pull the plaster away.

“Alex, wait!” Lena shouts urgently while kneeling next to her. She gently takes Emma’s hand and helps her sit fully up against the back of the sofa. “Deep breaths for me okay?”

Catching on to what Lena is trying to do, Alex’s face softens. “I’ll be gentle.”

Emma nods and focuses her eyes on Lena’s as Alex slowly pulls the band-aid off.

“Wow, this is actually healing really well.” Alex mutters and gently presses certain parts of Emma’s neck for any tears in the stiches, causing Emma to tighten her grip on Lena’s hand. Trying to keep herself grounded in the present.

“So, I was thinking-” Lena begins talking, seeing how Emma’s eyes were starting to glaze over and wanting to stop Emma’s nosedive into an episode. “Maybe we should take that trip soon?” Relief fills her as Emma’s eyes are able to focus on her and her eyes start to brighten with interest. “Go somewhere like the Maldives to unwind, swim in the sea, snorkel and you know-” Lena coughs lightly and lowers her voice towards Emma’s ear. “Other things.”

A quick puff of air escapes Emma’s lips as she voicelessly snorts.

“What like food?” Kara pipes up as she watches them from the table, having frozen in shock at Emma’s fall.

“Yes Kara, especially the food.” Alex says sarcastically and rolls her eyes at Emma, causing the blonde to grin. “Can someone get me a wi-”

“Here you go babe.” Sam appears in a blur and hands Alex a cleansing wipe and a new neck plaster.

“Thanks.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Ruby asks nervously to her Mom.

“Yes Rubes she is.” Sam hugs her daughter reassuringly and ushers her back to her seat.

Alex does the task quickly and soon everyone is sitting around the table eating the meal Brainy and Nia had made while listening to Winn’s story about successfully stopping a bank robbery with James.

“And then the idiots decide to run while-”

“I swooped in and pummeled the sons of bitches and-”

“James! Children present!” Sam barks.

“Moooom!” Ruby whines but motions for James to continue.

Emma’s eyes quickly move to Winn and watch him deflate back into his chair as James takes over the story. As if sensing her gaze Winn looks up at her and Emma lifts her mouth into a smile. The corner of his mouth lifts up and he nods before shoving more food in his mouth.

“Sweetheart?” Eliza quietly catches her attention from across the table. “You need to eat some more.”

Emma glances down at her bowl of food and realises she’s barely touched it. Lowering her fork Emma scoops up a few pieces of macaroni and slowly chews it. The pain almost makes her wince but Emma doesn’t want to seem ungrateful for the kind gesture Nia and Brainy did for her.

Her Mom nods and smiles at her before turning back to J’onn to continue their conversation.

Emma continues picking at her food and listens to the different exchanges happening around the table. Her stomach pinches as she wants to join in the conversations but knows the rhythm of communications will severely slow down while she signs and someone speaks her words out for her.

Instead Emma keeps her head down and continues eating, imagining different melodies and lyrics for songs. Her fingers softly moving against the surface of the table as if she is playing ivory keys.

If anyone notices Emma’s subdued mood, they leave her be. Putting it down to fatigue from the surgery and emotional exhaustion from the aftermath.

Lena does slip her left hand under the table and rests it on Emma’s right thigh, making the blonde jump but Lena soothingly rubs her thumb back and forth, settling Emma  quickly.

“-you think Emma?” Winn’s voice asks, bringing her out of her little music bubble.

“Winn was asking whether we should all go to the carnival next week?” Lena says helpfully having seen Emma snap out of her daze.

But before Emma can even process James pipes up.

“It may have to be the week after, there’s the convention at the arena.”

“Also gives us time to hire it out for a few hours.” Alex nods in thought. “Be nice not to have to wear face modifiers.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Lena nods and smiles.

“That sounds like fun!” Nia claps her hands and beams at the group.

“And talking of next week, as everyone is here, Alex’s moving date is a week tomorrow. If anyone wants to help?” Sam says with a bright smile, causing Emma to smile back and nod.

“Really? That soon?” James enquires, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“Yes, I’m practically spending all my time at Sam and Ruby’s apartment, so it makes sense.” Alex glares right back at her friend.

“And you don’t think you are moving too quickly since-” James jumps as a foot kicks his shin, he turns his head and glares at Winn.

“No, I don’t. Since it was your sister who left me.” Alex responds coolly.

James lifts his glass in surrender. “True. And someone has to keep the typical u-haul lesbians trend alive. Cheers.” He smirks and downs his drink, Alex lifts her beer and salutes him before taking a sip.

The night continues without any more hitches as the superfriends clear the table and a group game of monopoly starts. Emma typically pairs with Lena as her partner and mainly rests her head on Lena’s shoulder as the game progresses.

“What do you think love?” Lena asks, trying to keep Emma involved in the game. “Shall we swap our browns for the green James and Winn are offering?”

Emma nods, seeing it would be a good swap as they already had the two other properties and would create a set.

It was indeed a good move as more and more players land on their properties and Lena gleefully takes their money.

“Thank you kindly!” She smiles brightly as Sam thrusts all of Alex’s and her money, bankrupting them and winning Lena and Emma the game.

“Well done Aunty Lee.” Ruby yawns and copies Emma by resting her head on her Mom’s shoulder.

Lena smiles at the teen and the game is packed away. The group starts saying their goodbyes, all giving Emma reassuring hugs and consoling words.

Soon only Alex, Kara, Lena and Emma are in the apartment. The sisters hover by the balcony door while Lena finishes packing up the dishwasher, having already said her farewells. Kara seemingly held onto her longer than usual as they hugged.

“So, shall we have a sister night here on Friday?” Kara nervously asks as she fiddles with her glasses.

Emma slowly blinks while leaning against the window, feeling her eyes growing heavy, but she nods and smiles sleepily at the thought of a sister's night.

“Yea, sounds good.” Alex agrees and goes to give Emma a hug. “Goodnight peanut.” Emma wraps her arms around her sister and squeezes.

“Goodnight little one.” Kara comes behind Emma and Emma moves her arm back to try and hug her other sister as well.

Emma takes a deep breath, soaking in her warm feelings of love she is getting but immediately a silent yawn escapes her mouth.

“Sounds like someone needs to go to bed!” Alex laughs, Emma leans her head back against Kara’s shoulder and nods. Allowing her eyes to close while her sister’s hold her up.

“Okie dokie.” She hears Kara say and her  smile widens at the phrase until suddenly she is lifted into Kara’s arms.

If she could have used her voice, Emma would have squealed in surprise. Instead a heavy, quick dispel of breath leaves her mouth.

“Sorry little one!” Kara exclaims after hearing Emma’s heartbeat increase in speed and she carries her baby sister into her bedroom. She smiles sadly as Emma wraps her arms around her shoulders and holds on. Alex glances over at Lena who is watching with sadness in her eyes.

“How are you doing Lena?” Alex asks, making Lena’s somber eyes snap to warm brown ones.

“Me?” The raven haired beauty asks, taken aback by Alex’s question.

“Anyone else in this room?” Alex quips and leans on the island.

“Well, I’m fine.”

“Fucked up. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional.” Alex lists off the familiar phrase and raises her eyebrows at Lena.

Making Lena chuckle. “Sounds about right.”

“But seriously, you know where I am if you ever need me. Kay?”

Lena’s face softens and she swallows deeply. “Thank you. And the same goes for you.”

Alex nods and Kara reappears in the living area.

“Shall we go?” Kara asks and heads towards the balcony, Alex turns to follow her.

“Oh and Alex?” Lena moves around the island to stand in front of the redhead. Making Kara whirl around by the intentive tone of her best friend’s voice.

‘This should be good.’ Kara smirks and watches.

“Yes Lena?” Alex asks and watches as Lena transforms into the powerful CEO and sizes the redhead up.

“As Sam is my oldest and dearest friend, I feel it is my duty to warn you that if you ever hurt her in any way, I will hunt you down and use other methods more painful then you can possibly imagine to hurt you back. Your little finger trick? Has nothing on what I can do.”

Seeing how serious Lena was Alex nods, schooling her expression to not smile. Knowing that Lena does infact mean it and the different ways of torture Lena can conjure up. “I will keep that in mind.”

“Good.” Lena nods then opens her arms to hug the redhead, which Alex gladly accepts. Suddenly a force plows into them, making the pair sway as Kara wraps her arms around them.

“Kara!” Alex laughs and Lena kisses her best friend’s head affectionately.

Soon the sisters finally leave as Kara flies Alex to Sam’s apartment. Lena watches them disappear into the night before closing and locking the balcony door.

“Hope, please turn off all the lights and engage security protocol.” Lena quietly calls out as she makes her way to the dimly lit bedroom.

Her stomach pinches as her eyes focus on a fast asleep Emma propped against the headboard as if waiting for her.

Lena silently steps into the room and closes the door, hearing the whirl of the security locks sliding into place.

Immediately she turns back to her girlfriend and walks softly over to her. Grimacing at the angle of Emma’s neck, imaging the painful tug the blonde will be feeling if she stays in that position for much longer.

Carefully Lena maneuvers Emma’s body to a lying position, the blonde doesn't stir once but immediately curls towards Lena’s side of the bed. Lena smiles sadly and quickly gets ready to join her girlfriend.

Finally she slides under the covers and lays on her side to face the still sleeping Emma.

“Goodnight my love.” Lena whispers, gently kissing Emma’s lips and wraps her arm around her waist.

(Part Thirty Six)

[s-nebul0sa]

Poker and fountains

Lena has been at the casino longer than she anticipated. But she needs something to blow off steam with. Poker has always been her go to. She had enjoyed many a game in university. Earning herself quite some pocket money and losing herself quite some friendships and potential romantic relationships.

She can’t help it. She just wins a lot. Like. A lot. She gets good cards. She understands the game. It’s second nature. So of course her basic instinct is to go back to that place where she at least felt like a winner. A spark of happiness. Not enough to solve everything, but just enough to make her get through the rest of the day.

The alcohol of course helps too.

And maybe she has a problem with that. Because she knows she drinks a little too much and a little too often. Right now, that is not something she has the stability to fix. Let alone the energy.

So, she finds herself back at a casino. Whiskey in one hand, chips in the other. The picture of her cards in her head as she runs some quick calculations. She has this in the pocket, if her math is right. That would mean she won the table again and, by the looks of it, a third person is going to angrily walk away and demand her be removed. She doesn’t care. They can’t prove anything.

The cards are turned and Lena was indeed right.

She is calm at the reveal. The spark of happiness small and only inside her. Gone too quickly. A sip of her whiskey accompanies it to make it last a little longer.

The blonde, who has been standing by the table, watching the game, moves towards her. She looks cute. Reminds Lena of the sun. She shouldn’t be in a place like this, where hopeless people go. But she is. And she is getting closer to Lena.

Looking at her.

About to talk to her.

“Hello,” the blonde says.

“Hello,” Lena replies, eyes hooded and everything about her on guard.

“You’ve had some good hands tonight.”

“You know what they say, lucky at cards…” Lena lifts her drink in a cheers motion and takes another sip.

“Unlucky at love?” the blonde finishes.

“That’s the one.” Lena looks back at the table. It is probably time to leave. Everyone is getting sick of her and she has earned way too much money she doesn’t even need. She’ll have to remember to donate it later. At least it will be good for something. She will be good for something.

“That sounds depressing.” The blonde looks at Lena, from her hair to her suit to her heels.

“Well, that’s life.” Lena doesn’t know if she can give the blonde what she’s looking for.

“Life should be fun. Life can be fun.”

“Not to me.”

“Well, maybe it’s time to change that. Want to go outside and jump in a fountain with me?”

“What are you getting at?” Lena asks, a little defensive. It seems like a strange offer to make to a stranger. Jumping in a fountain at night.

“I have seen you sitting here and you looked unhappy but also nice. And I thought maybe you needed a friend and I could be that friend,” the blonde says. She sounds honest. Innocent. Naive.

“Are you trying to get lucky? Because you’ve picked the wrong person.” Lena downs the rest of her drink and collects all of her tokens.

“No, no, not at all. Look, I’ll leave you alone if you want to but sometimes doing strange but safe things with strange people in completely public places is nice. And you looked like you could use something nice.”

Lena looks at the woman again. From her blonde ponytail to her khakis and sleeveless shirt. She has a good body. She looks kind. Reminds Lena of a puppy. And heck. Why not.

If she’s lucky, she’ll drown. If she isn’t, she will have a good story for the bar.

Lena is lucky. Not because she drowns but because this woman is the human manifestation of sunshine and kindness. Kara–that’s her name–is everything Lena wants in a human. From sweet softness to stern chides to supportive encouragement. She suggests Lena get therapy, because you don’t have to be at the lowest low to not be in a good place. She makes Lena smile. She makes Lena happy.

Read on AO3

[peachyaone]

Lonely Heart pt.5

Pairings: Lierra x OC

(A/N : Hi again! I’m excited to announce that the song “You” in this chapter is written by me! :) So pls don’t steal it :( And I’m also less busy this month so part 6 might be out soon! So yeah, hope you enjoyed this chapter, See you in the next one!)

*Luke’s POV*

They arrived at Ashton’s. His palms are sweating, and his throat was getting dryer by the second. Sierra placed her hand on his shoulder, slightly calming his nerves. They stood in of his door. He hesitated on knocking, Sierra had tired of waiting and knocked. Nothing happened at first, Luke knocked this time. There were footsteps, and the door opened. “Look, its early in the morning, so what the fuc- Oh. You two. He groaned.  “ I-Is Iris here?” Sierra asked him.  “You didn’t check your phones?” He said, slightly irritated. The two took out their phones.

They checked their messages:

[10:00 pm, 09/10/2020] Iris <3 : Hey. Just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving for tour early. I cleared up everything with Ashley and my bandmates. I will be leaving at midnight tonight. You’re welcome to come and see me off, only if you want to. I’ll be with Ashley for the while leg of the tour, we might have separate shows, but we’ll wait for the management announcement.

[10:00 pm, 09/10/2020] Iris <3 : I just wanna say that I apologise for being so distant , I’ve been in a really bad headspace lately. I’m sorry. It’s my fault for making you mad, making Sierra upset and everything.

“Fuck.” he whispered. Ashton was staring at them, arms crossed. "Have you realized what you've done?" Ashton said. They didn't have the chance to speak. "You absolutely wrecked her, you know that? Both of you. I thought you're better than this. She came here, soaked to the skin. She could get sick, and you both know that she gets sick easily. She was trying to keep herself together. She on a verge on an attack, thank god Katniss was there to calm her down. I wanted to march up to your house and beat your ass . But Iris wouldn't let me, you know why? it's because she loves you, Lucas. And that's the only thing stopping me from beating your ass." He scolded. Luke was looking at the ground, ashamed.

"And Sierra, you know what the media could do. They'd do anything to tear people apart, fuck with their mental health, twisting lies into stories with without knowing the real truth. One article could turn people against each other. I really thought that maybe you would understand a little more about this." He said. Ashton was disappointed. He sighed. "Now that you have your answer, I have a lemon tree to save. Goodnight." He said, closing the door on them. The two walked back to their car.

What were they gonna do now?

*Iris's POV*

The live session was a blast. Once she felt sensation of the bass, the sound of the guitar, the kick of the drums, she never felt so alive. They were covering "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance. She felt the problems slowly melt away when she started singing. She sang each verse with all she got. It was pure, raw emotion, the one that could make everyone tear up. It's like she was a different person. Long gone the Iris that was depressed. The Iris on stage now was, way more brighter and her eyes seems to shine with unshed tears. This side of Iris only comes out when she's performing. Usually, without the tears. The crowd cheered her on. She was smiling. The trio gave each other knowing glances, once the adrenaline from performing wears off, she would go back to the woman she was before.

Sad and empty.

They thanked the crowd and the host and went backstage. They were buzzing with adrenaline. "You guys, wanna grab some food before we go back to the hotel?" Maia said. Julia and Helena nodded. "Iris?" Helena said. Iris's head snapped up. "You okay there? Your lookin' a little bit pale, shortcake." Helena said. Iris rubbed her face. "I'm alright, Just need fresh air, that's all. Maybe something to eat." She said. The trio was looking at her worriedly. "Guys. I promise, I'm okay, don't worry." she shyly smiled, nervous from the looks her bandmates were giving her. "Macca's?" Julia said. "Sure." Maia said.

*timeskip*

"That's all your going eat?" Julia said. Iris was eating her veggie dippers. "Yeah. I'm not that hungry." she mumbled. "Bullshit. You haven't eaten anything since last night." Julia said. "Take some my fries." Maia said. "Maia, I can't take it. It's your food." she declined. "Iris, we won't let you fuckin' starve. We have a long night of performing coming up. And you need the energy." Maia said. Iris stared at the ground. Helena rubbed her back, "Please, Iris. We all know you have haven't been doing well." Maia said. "Fine."

"Good girl." Julia said. "Wow, Julia. I didn't know you were into that kinda of stuff~" Iris teased. Helena choked on her drink. Julia looked at Helena, confused. Maia shoved Julia's shoulder. The look of realization dawned on her face. "Oh. Iris, you kinky bitch." She said, smirking. "Well, someone's gotta be the Yuri in this club, and you guys don't have to balls to be him. " she teased again.

They heard cameras clicking.

"Paps." they said in unison.  “Shit.” Helena mumbled.  “We have to get out of here, quickly.” Julia said. The group got out and tried to get to Maia’s car. Iris was soon cornered by the paps.

“Iris, you know they can do better!”

“Is it difficult having TWO partners? Having to be jealous all the time and fighting for attention – what does that feel like?”

She kept quiet.

“What do you think to the rumours that you cheated on them? There’s evidence of you spending the night with a mysterious female.”

“You’re really nothing special though are you? They won’t stick around for long, whore.”

“We’ve seen the scars on your arms.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bad image for your band?”

“You should look into conversion therapy, disgusting whore.”

“What about your partners? Should they have to deal with that on top of everything they should be doing?”

“You’re nothing but a slut. A cheating, useless piece of shit.”

“You’ll be better off dead.”

“'Lena…” She mumbled, searching for any of her bandmates over the crowd, she felt her vision go hazy for a bit as she desprately tried to push through the paps. She was so close from losing her sanity. The paps was closing in, blocking her in. Insults was thrown her way. She was going to break.

Then she felt their arms. Helena's strong hand gripping hers and pulling her into their arms, cradling her against her chest and Julia pushing through the crowd telling the paparazzi to fuck off along the way.“Get away from her!” She pushed the paps away from the duo while Helena helped Iris up. “We just want answers!” One of the paps shouted back at them. “Well, you’re not gonna get any so take your camera, shove it up your fucking asshole, and fuck off!”

They got her into the car. Maia drove away from the scene as fast as she could. Iris's hands was shaking. “Iris?” Julia ask, her hand moving to cup her face. “Iris, come on.” Julia pleaded, she was desperately trying to help her calm her down, holding her hands and trying to help her breathe. “They said such horrible things.” Iris mumbled. “They’re just trying to get a response.” Helena said.

"Can we call, Ash?" she meekly asked. "Of course, shortcake." Helena said. Julia called him.

"Hey, Julia. Is everything alright?"

"Um... about that."

"What's wrong?"

"Well, we had a run in with paps eariler and they cornered Iris."

"What?! Is she okay? Did the paps do anything?"

"Well, they verbally harassed her. We might ask management to file a lawsuit. As for Iris? She's the reason why I called, wait a minute-

"'Lena take the phone."

Helena took the phone from Julia.

"Hey, Lemon boy"

"Hey, Helena. Is Iris with you?"

"Yup. Let me hand the phone to her."

"Thanks"

She passed the phone to Iris.

"Hey, Ash..."

"Hey, Sunshine. Are you okay? Did they do anything to you?"

"They were closing in on me, taking photos of me and said bad things."

"What kind of bad things did they say, sunshine? "

"That I’m not good enough, they keep insisting that I cheated. They said that I look into converstion therapy-"

She was startled by Helena's hand on her shoulder. "Let it out." She mouthed to her.

"They joked about my scars, they said I would be better off dead." she choked out.

"They what?! Oh, Iris, I'm so sorry."

She sobbed.

" Iris, listen."

"What they said.... it's all lies. You hear me? They are lies. You are not what they paint you to be, they don't know who you really are. You are amazing. You are the most amazing person I know, the boys loves you.... even Luke. He came by with Sierra the night after you left. I didn't do anything, like I promise. But you bet I gave him an earful. But all that aside, Iris, you deserve to be here, and you are good enough. You make people happy. Your fans? They all love you, you make them smile, you make them feels safe. This will pass, things will get easier. I promise you."

"What if I fail to do so, Ash? What if I disappoint everyone?"

"You won't. Trust me, you are not a failure. You will get better. You will heal. You will be stronger than ever. You will make it through this."

"Are they alright?"

"You're seriously asking that? You're not okay and you're asking if they're alright?"

"Please Ash... I want to know."

They arrived at the hotel.

"Yes, they are. You don't have to worry. All you have to worry now is me giving you a lecture. Look outside."

"What?"

"Just look outside."

She looked outside to see Ashton, giving her one of his signature smiles. Beside him.....Luke and Sierra.

"Ashton?"

"Hey, sunshine."

She paled. She turned at the bandmates and chuckled shakily.

"Am I finally going crazy? Is they really here?"

She looked at Luke and Sierra, laughing disbelievingly. Shaking her head, she walked up to them. She prodded Luke at his chest angrily, as she laughed. "You had the fucking nerve to show up here." She was chuckling yet crying in the same time. "Where were you, Lucas. Where the fuck were you when I needed you?!" she said. She stumbled back, shaking her head. Iris's knees gave out. Maia reached out to steady her. "Can we get out of here, please?" She whispered to her. Maia looked at Helena and Julia. "Let's get her inside." She said, quietly. They nodded. They moved to get her inside. Sierra moved to stop them. "Let's talk this through, please." She said to Iris. Helena glowered at her. She stood in front Iris protectively.

"After what you've done, you think you could just come up here and expect her to talk? After the pain you put her through? No, ma'am. You lost that right." Helena said. "Hey, don't talk to her like that." Luke defended her. Julia stepped forward. "Don't think we forgot about YOU, Hemmings." She said. "You don't get to come up here, all high and mighty and expect that we let you go that easily." Helena said. “You two are fucking dumb if you really believe that's a way to treat our bandmate.” Maia said.

“If anyone should be arguing, it should be me.” Iris said, as she straightened up and six pairs of eyes snapped to her. "Thank you for standing up for me, guys." she said to her bandmates. They shrugged and smiled. "Pop off, bestfren." Maia playfully winked at her. Iris smiled and turned to face the duo. The look that they gave her made her newfound anger surge.

“You both don’t get to look at me like that.” She snapped, causing them to reel back in suprise. They never seen her this mad, never at them. "If you gave me the chance to talk back then, we wouldn't have this bullshit." she said. Their faces fell in guilt. The Iris she was before this would've cave in and forgive them but she was seething with anger now to care.

"If you'd noticed the sleepless nights I had, the bag under my eyes. If you'd have cared to even try and listen to what I had to say, maybe I wouldn't be fuckin' pissed at you right now!" Iris snapped and Luke flinched back.

If they'd only looked into her eyes, they would see the bottled up emotions that was threatening to explode. It felt wrong to see Iris so angry. She was always been the one to break up arguements, not start them. "Did you know how much suffering you caused me? Do you know how much pain I've been through? I never asked for this, you know? I never asked for us to fight. I hate fighting, you know that?" She said. She looked at them, they were looking down to the ground.

"Look at me." she pleaded. Her anger disappated. Their heads immediately snapped up."I d-don't think I contribute to this relationship anymore." her broken voice reached their ears.

"Iris!" They called out, but she's gone. Luke frantically searched for her. "Luke, we still have one more chance." Sierra said. "Sierra, there's no more chance. We lost her." He said. "And it's all my fault." he whimpered. "Luke, honey. We have her concert tickets, thanks to Ashley. Let's not waste this chance alright?" She said.

*timeskip*

Two hours till the concert. The stage staff were moving around, making sure that everything goes well. After the encounter, Iris fell in the hotel bed and proceeded take a long nap. And woke up just in time for rehearsal.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours. Iris drank some vodka that was prepared by the staff, it did so little to calm her nerves. She was pacing around. “Iris?” Her makeup stylist called out. Her head shot up, “Yes, David?” She said. “It’s time for your makeup, and then your outfit." He reminded. She smiled softly at him, "Alright, I'm coming."

She got dressed and sat on the chair."So what would we like on this wonderful night?" He said prepairing the brushes. "I was thinking of skeleton kinda look. Some black, a little red." She said. "That sounds good. Would you like some to put glitter on the black part?" he asked. "Sure" she nodded.

(A/N: Here’s the outfit. Credit to @boy..brainr0t for the makeup look)

They made a small talk about the weather and the upcoming shows. Half an hour later, David finished. "Wow, you did a great job! I love it so much, thanks David! " Iris said, her mood brightened. "No probs, Iris." He said with a smile. She side hugged him and left the room.

"Looking good, shortcake! That choker looks deadly, in a good way." Helena hyped her up. Iris flushed. "Enough about me, look at your mohawk! The spikes are as deadly as my choker! " She said, smiling. "Can I.... touch them? " Iris said. It was like a child asking for candy. "Knock yourself out, shortcake. " She shrugged. Iris's eyes shined with excitement and she poked it. "It's rock hard, did you use hairspray?" she asked, "I did. Used a little bit of hair pomade. Gotta make sure it won't fall while performing." Helena explained. "That's cool." Iris giggled.

 "Hey, cuties!" Julia hollered from arcoss the room. "Its almost time, get your sexy asses over here!" Maia said alongside Julia. "Alright, alright, we're coming!" Iris shouted back. "You look like Gerard Way, Iris." Julia said. "Awh, Julia that's nicest thing you ever said to me" she joked. Julia playfully punched her in the shoulder. "Heeeey" She pouted. "Hey guys!" Ashley jogged over to them. "Hey, Ashley" They said. "You ready to go up there?" She asked. "Yeah, it's been a while since we last went on stage, still kinda nervous, but excited." Iris said. "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but you guys are up in 10" the stage manager informed them. "Alright, thank you for informing us" Julia thanked the staff. "You welcome." the staff said, then walked away. 

"Go get ready, I can't wait to see you guys out there." Ashley said, before leaving to get ready herself. "You ready?" Maia asked. " As ready as I'll ever be" Iris said. Her eyes shining with excitement. The group fistbumped each other and went on stage.

"GOOD EVENING, LONDON!" Iris screamed into the mic. The crowd screamed. "ARE YOU READY?" The crowd cheered. "WE CAN'T HEAR YOU" The crowd screamed.The intro for their song "You" started playing.

You, 

The thought of you makes me sick

Heaven and Hell doesn’t scare me anymore

Not when your with me

Why you gotta be so greedy?

I’m giving all I have to you,

But you keep asking for more,I’m dying, can’t you see? (Look at me)

My blood stains the floor

And I know you love seeing me like this

When it comes to you, (you temptress)

You act so innocent, like an angel in disguise

Always painting yourself as holy

But your tainted halo says otherwise, my dear

Iris sang, stomping her feet to the rhythm. She was smiling, looking out to the crowd. And then she saw familiar head of curls. It was Luke. Her eyes widened, trying to maintain her composure as she sang. She looked at Julia, who noticed them too.

Look at what you’ve become

My still beating heart you hold,

Your knife against my throat.

I’m on the floor, barely breathing (Gasping for air)

My mind tormented by your lies

There’s no escape from you (Never)

There’s no saving for me

“Oh, my darling sweetheart” you said,

With your hands around my neck 

“Let me own you” you whispered

Your cold breath makes me shiver

Death knocks on the door (It’s time)

She puts on a facade, performing all the energy she had. Maia and Helena soon caught up with the situation immediately. They were soon picking up on the energy that Iris is giving out. She was nervous. Very nervous.  Her heterochromia eyes instantly found blue ones.  She wanted to run off stage but her pride wouldn’t let her. What would the fans think of her if she did? She didn't want to be coward.

*Lierra's POV*

They were standing somewhat near to the stage, same as the people that are there, they were all waiting for the show to start. Soon, Iris came on stage along with her band mates. The crowd screamed and cheered.

"GOOD EVENING, LONDON!" she said. She sounded so different from 4 hours ago. She looked beautiful as always, her facial features were enhanced by her stage makeup. "ARE YOU READY?" They cheered. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" They cheered even louder.

Iris smirked. "Helena, darling. If you please." she said. They both knew it was her persona on stage to be a little flirty , but Sierra couldn't stop but feel a little bit of jealousy. Helena was smirking on the screen. " ONE, TWO, THREE-" Helena said, before she started playing the drums. The intro sounds familiar to them. Then Iris started singing.

In their eyes, she was the most ethereal being they ever seen. She was confident when she sing, it was beautiful.

Midway through the song, their eyes met. Luke could see her eyes widening. She turned to Julia. Julia gave her a brief nod. She turned to the front, with a smile on her face. He gave Sierra a look.She shared the same look, they clearly knew that she was faking her expression. And the thought of that made them feel even more guilty.

*Back to Iris*

Look at what I’ve become

My still heart you hold,

Your knife still against my throat.

I’m on the floor, still and silent

My mind corrupted by your lies

There’s no escape from you

There’s no redemption for me.

As she sang the last verse, the crowd cheered and clapped. She was a little sweaty and she was a little out of breath.  She kept on smiling. Her bandmates joined her at the front. Ashley comes on stage next. “Good Evening, London!” Ashley said. The crowd screamed. “ I would like to thank my good friends, The Temptress, for their AMAZING performance tonight!” She exclaimed. The crowd screamed again. "You welcome, Halsey." she said. 

In the corner of her she saw a sign. The sign said "It's Nia!". Her eyes shined. "Well won't you look at that, Hi Nia." She waved at the girl direction. A group of girls were screaming as she said that. "Thank you again for the wonderful gift you gave me yesterday, darling. I really appreciate it." She said. The group screamed again. She was smiling. A real smile. The camera was on her and the crowd screamed again. She and her bandmates said their goodbyes to the crowd and Halsey and went off backstage. 

She took off her facade and became unsually quiet. She plopped on the couch and drank the vodka she poured for herself. Her friends didn't know if they should comfort her or give her space. "Hey, shortcake." Helena said softly. Iris just leaned against her, her head on her shoulder. "You okay, bub?" Helena said. Iris just buried her face further into her neck.

 "I don't know, 'Lena."

[spooksnett]

WHATS UR LENA ANALYSIS

OKAY OKAY OKAY SO THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE CAUSE I HAVE A LOT TO SAY BUT PUTTING IT INTO WORDS IS DIFFICULT 😭

SPOILERS UNDER CUT

Lena has been working at the OIAR for a good while now. Probably not always in the manager position but she's been around for some time. Before Colin, before Alice. before Amelia and around when Klaus was there (Probably not the manager when Klaus was there but not important) and ofc (now confirmed by ep13) she knows what the OIAR does

The video that gets sent to Gwen has Lena's name titled in the transcript as 'Young Lena' which further proves my point. She's been there a long time. awesome okay.

Was she always this stone cold, very distant and strange woman? I don't think so! We hear real emotion and passion in her tone when she says to Klaus 'you know I do' when talking about something. She was 100% not in charge then and even now, she has higher ups. thats the only time we really hear passion behind her words. Episode 2 when Gwen overhears Lena talking to someone about 'expanding external operations'. she's discussing externals with someone else who doesn't work in the building. She's not chosing which externals get what etc

okay. I truly believe Lena is exactly what the OIAR ever wanted, she is perfect material. Thinking back to Sam's interview in the trailer she mentions how he seems to be a 'bright and socialable young man who works hard' and that she 'would have no need for him'. the OIAR only hires people who are at a rocky place in their lives. I think the same was present when Lena was hired. Lena is the last one standing in whoever her coworkers previously were. you have to remember the OIAR has been around a good while now dating back to Starkwall protection services in 2000 and the magnus insititue even earlier than that. Alice says she THINKS it was made in the 70's. Lena also says 'most people simply move on after 12 months or so' again, she's been there ages if she's seen people come and go like that

Her parallels with Gwen are the next thing I want to talk about. they are complete opposites but I think Lena was exactly the same as Gwen years back. she knows what it's like to work her way up in the OIAR and what 'climbing this particular ladder entails'. so she has climbed up the rankings, probabaly by doing similar things to what Gwen is doing as of now. She says Gwen isnt ready for it. she knows how much shes suffered from it. she's been through so much to get where she is now. her 'did you scream? you should, it can help with the more afronting aspects' is throwing it in our face. she used to (maybe still is) being face to face with these horrors. she knows what it was like. and back to what she says to Klaus, it really doesn't look like she's ever got a say in this, similar to Gwen now.

my main thing I've analysed over Lena is her psychological state. she isn't your typical serious, emotionless character. she's not that at all cause she CAN have some uniqueness to her words, when she chuckled slightly at Gwen etc etc

she isn't emotionless (or evil) but she is very very detached. She is so emotionally detached from everything. she's had to detach her thoughts and feelings over the years to cope. Alice always mentions how you need to not care in this job and just not pay attention, I think that same goes for Lena

she's perfect for the job because she's so good at 'not caring'. After so many years of experiencing this stuff she probably built up a sort of immunity to it to keep herself safe. and she doesn't seem to care anymore. she has no thoughts or passion behind anything she does or says. She's so numb to it all and she's sacrificed part of herself to probably survive this whole thing. the OIAR only wants people who doesn't care about what happens and just gets it done. Gwen was freaking out when talking about Mr bonzo and Lena was speaking as if it was an everyday occurrence. even if you have seen supernatural stuff before, you don't react like that. That is such a traumatic response way of speaking. Her accepting that this is just how it is, is not good at all. she's been through hell guys I'm telling you

she's also in the manager position but she doesn't seem to use her authority too much. she uses it a normal amount but nothing that you'd expect. it's strange?

small unrelated to the actual story thing:

but in the cast q&a whenever Lena is mentioned everyone always says either 'unknown' or 'she doesn't'

it really seems like she has no depth to her at all. she threw any defining traits she had out the window

My theory on Lena as a whole is that subconsciously she became exactly what the OIAR wanted and now she's too far gone. She wasn't always like this but after so many years it's basically routine for her now. she doesn't want to hurt people and 'manage' the externals as she put it but she either just doesn't care anymore, or is acutely aware of what happens if she doesn't do her job correctly. maybe both. she's been almost brainwashed into thinking this is normal for the OIAR

I really want to know why and when Lena joined the OIAR. how she became manager etc etc and I really hope I can piece things together over time. she means so much to me. I don't think she's this evil spooky boss, I think she's just so emotionally numb and detached that she just doesnt know what to do with herself anymore

LAST THING

When Gwen is talking about Mr Bonzo in Episode 9 Lena goes "Possibly, I don't watch television"

Gwen was specifically talking about how she watched Mr bonzo as a kid all the time. Nigels SOS was huuuggeee back then

Lena was either lying I suppose? (I don't see why she would) or genuinely she didn't even watch TV as a kid (Lena is older than Gwen but still SOS was around a while and even if Lena was in her teen years she'd still be aware of it on TV)

Did Lena really never watch TV in her childhood at all? that's concerning to say the least about her backstory! maybe she couldnt catch a break in her childhood either

ANYWAY YEAH I THINK IVE GOT MOST OF WHAT I WANTED TO SAY INTO WORDS. THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU DID :D I MIGHT BE WRONG BUT THATS WHAT IVE GOT OFF THE LITTLE WE GET OF HER

I love lena kelley 🥰

[inanotherlifewrites]

you mean the world to me (and I don’t know how to live with that)

Chapter One

Chapter Two: there’s a darkness that I’ve known (but you mean the world to me)... This chapter covers Kara's version and extension of the timeline. Remember that this is set after 5.08, so it is canon divergent. Let's hope that my research and (many) liberties paid off... TW: Some errant thoughts of self-harm. There are some parts that are religion-heavy.

...

It’s funny, how quickly a switch can be flipped and, yet, feel like a million years, too. Eliza had tried getting her to open up for years—to her, to Alex, to someone. But, again, that someone needed to be vetted, safe, and it just felt like more hiding than actually letting things off her chest. Winn had tried to do the same—him recounting how therapy had helped him as a child and how he started going back after Siobhan, after his mother, after...everything. It felt less like hiding when he talked about it. But it still felt vulnerable and scary and...too much.

But the very day that she heard Lena’s uptick in heartbeat and tuned in only to quickly tune out, it was like everything fell into place. Therapy made sense.

She can’t exactly pinpoint why (well, she can, but she feels too much just thinking about it, let alone admitting to it), but suddenly the idea seems fresher, clearer, more attainable than ever before.

She sets up a therapy appointment with the DEO counselor later that day. Needless to say, it doesn’t work out. Too many ties to work, too much guarding with someone she sees on a fairly regular basis, too much he-knows-everything-about-everyone-and-we-all-see-him-for-mandatory-psych-consults to be a good match.

So, she makes another appointment. And another. She quickly snuffs out that the second one doesn’t have a background in aliens. Bemoans how the third one just wants her to do all the talking with barely any feedback and, although she knows there’s a rhyme and a reason, she already does that on a normal basis (it’s what gets her into so much trouble to begin with).

It’s not until she meets Mira—lucky contestant number four—that she goes to Alex for not one, but two NDAs. Dropping one off to Madge (fidgeting with her glasses as the woman takes the forms and gently squeezes Kara’s trembling hand) and politely asking Mira to sign one before they move forward together sets everything else into motion.

She had done a trial run, of course (two if she’s being honest). The first session was mostly courtesies and giving a very condensed version of her day. She had liked how comfortable Mira made her, but she was still unsure if she was the right therapist. After all, she knows herself—she needs a little push to do things. She needs understanding and accountability. She needs someone who doesn’t allow her to hide. She was less eager to write her off than she was with the others, though, because Mira was comfortable in a way most others would not find comfortable. She was comfortable in a way that reminded Kara of home...her first home...the predictability, stability, and, at times, sterility of Krypton. She was sound reason and apt judgment with just enough softness that Kara felt warm and secure. So, she made another appointment.

...

“How are you, Kara?” Mira asks with a warm smile and a calculating gaze as Kara carefully settles into the leather armchair.

“I’ve been better,” she says with a chuckle. “But I’m good.” She shoots Mira her best smile.

Mira squints. Kara squirms. “You don’t have to do that,” she says. It’s soft, but it chills Kara all the while. “Minimize what you’re feeling.”

It’s at that moment that Kara is sure of exactly three things:

Mira can read her better and more quickly than most of the people in Kara’s  life.

Mira will hold her accountable.

Mira will, without a doubt, figure out the worst of her( and, perhaps, even secrets Kara has not been able to deem good nor bad).

She doesn’t know if those things are a breath of fresh air or a disaster of terror on wheels, so she goes with the former (she does want to give this a fair shot, after all), schedules her next appointment at the end of the hour, and hand delivers both NDAs (“I thought you would put up more of a fight,” Kara says. “I just want you happy, Kara,” is Alex’s response.)

...

“So, Kara, tell me,” Mira begins, hands clasped loosely on her skirt-covered lap, “did you work on the goal we set from the last session?”

 Kara fiddles with her glasses before tentatively meeting the woman’s eyes. “Yes.” She swallows, her throat feeling like cotton.

“You do not look too pleased with that fact,” Mira notes. “Normally, achieving a goal fosters feelings of success and positivity.”

Kara sighs. “It does, sometimes.” She shrugs, attempting to appear nonchalant. She knows that Mira sees right through it. “As a kid, nothing could motivate me more than a goal.” She chuckles, a slight blush rushing to her cheeks. “Unless it was something I wanted to learn. I was a bit of a nerd.” She ducks her head. When she finally regains her composure, she is met with a warm, tender smile. It helps her to power through. “Earth has been...different,” she supplies.

Mira takes her leap of faith exactly as it is. She cradles it, carefully. This is a topic she knows not to push just yet. “And you saw that when you met your goal this week?”

Kara breathes a sigh of relief, and Mira knows that waiting to ask about the differences was the right choice. She nods. “Why does it feel so wrong?” Kara asks, shaking her head. Her eyes are sad. Mira can practically see the confusion raging behind the blue of her irises. The pain of not knowing. Of not having answers.

“Why does what feel so wrong?” She needs Kara to say it...for her to face it, no matter how insignificant it seems. Trust is built in a million little moments, not one big one.

Kara pinches her lips, clenches her fists, looks down at the floor. It takes an entire minute of silence for her to breathe deeply and meet her eyes. “Last session, when I told you that I was going to get the NDA, I got one for Lena’s therapist, as well. I didn’t want her to have to hide because of me...not when she was the whole reason I finally found the courage to talk to someone, too.” Mira nods gently and the softness without further prodding allows Kara to unclench her fists. “Well, I guess that her therapist called her later that day to let her know and she wanted to speak to me. That hasn’t happened in quite a while,” Kara chokes out. She steels herself, though. Continues despite the hollowness in her heart. Mira files away the change in demeanor for another day. “She seemed to really appreciate it. Her eyes got this soft look, almost like...before...” Mira wants to ask about this before, to confirm her suspicions, but remains patient, “and then, it was just...gone.” It takes a while for the word to be forced out of Kara’s mouth. “They turned cold. She fought back about how I would tell a stranger about my identity but couldn’t pay her the same courtesy any time over the past three years.” Kara shakes her hands in a way that suggests that this was said loosely.

When it appears that Kara is not going to say more, Mira asks, “How did you respond?”

It snaps Kara back to focus. Almost as if reporting on the results of a blasé experiment, she recounts: “I said, ‘I hope she helps you, Lena’ and left without saying goodbye...I didn’t even look back.”

Mira takes a breath as she sifts through all Kara has chosen to share. “You memorized it?” is what she settles on, hoping it leads Kara in the direction in which she wants her to go without it being too much of a push. An observation sure, a push not so much.

The words seem to take Kara by surprise. It’s enough to rid the woman of her dead-in-the-eyes retelling of events. She sniffles. “Of course, I did,” she whispers.

Mira tilts her head in silent question. Kara averts her eyes. “It felt so wrong.”

Mira unclasps her hands and leans forward onto her knees. It’s enough movement for Kara to look back. “Setting boundaries always feels wrong at first. Foreign even.” She holds Kara’s gaze. “But every person has boundaries. In turn, every healthy relationship must have boundaries. I know that it hurt, and I know that it feels unnatural right now, but I am so proud of you for following through with that goal. For taking the first step.”

She doesn’t continue, but Kara fills in the rest: Taking the first step toward a life you find worth living.

...

“Seeing as we’re on the topic of boundaries,” Mira begins after the two exchanged a few minor pleasantries, “I wanted to discuss how we will move forward.” Kara tilts her head in momentary confusion before Mira forges on. “We’ve had a few sessions and we’ve both gotten to know a little bit about the other. Mostly surface level or shallow” she mimes with her hands, “things.” Kara nods despite feeling like she’s shared more in the past few sessions than she has with most of the people in her life (she knows the stuff is still rudimentary, barely there, it’s why she’s in therapy for Rao’s sake, but still). “As your therapist, I hope that we can work our way into deeper territory.” Again, just a nod. “But boundaries are important. So, I want us to go over what that might look like and what you are comfortable exploring.”

“Like a contract?” Kara says slowly, as if measuring her vowels and inflections to have equal parts unsureness and willingness to learn. Mira thinks that, perhaps, she is doing precisely that. That she has learned the mathematical formula for doing just that. Her heart breaks a little at the thought.

“Exactly.” She says, allowing some warmth to seep into her tone. When Kara doesn’t bristle at the softness, she continues. “I have my laptop and a document ready to go. I thought you might find it helpful to clear up any uncertainties.” (To ease your mind and bring you peace about these sessions is what she doesn’t say, knows not to say...yet).

Kara nods her understanding. “I can do that.” The confidence the woman exudes with that statement—so different than the meek and downcast way she generally holds herself in the dim lighting of the room—proves that it is bound to be the right course of action.

“Excellent,” she says, standing up to power on the laptop that is situated on a clean, wooden table off to the side of the room. She motions for Kara to take the chair to her right.

“Where do we begin?” Kara asks, a smile peeking through with her eagerness.

“Well, I think the best place to begin is how we want these sessions to progress. Lately, I’ve followed your lead when you come in. We discuss what you bring up,” she clarifies.

Kara nods her understanding. “Is that wrong?”

Mira shakes her head. “There are many ways to hold a therapy session and all of them work for different people. I think you even mentioned trying out a few different therapists because their styles did not fit with your personality and needs.” Kara, once again, nods. “In the same way that your personalities must be a match, the delivery of the therapy must align, too.”

“So how else could the therapy be different?”

Mira tilts her head. “Some therapists let the patient take the lead without giving much input.” 

“No, I hated that.” Kara grimaces. “Made me feel like a science experiment.”

Mira chuckles. “Which is why it’s great that we are conversational.”

Kara grins in response. “What else?”

“Well, patients can lead the process. The conversations can be directed based on the week’s events and the patient’s selection of the topics.”

“Which we do now...” 

“Yes.”

“What’s the other option?”

“Another way to do this would be to determine some topics together and for both of us to know beforehand what we will be discussing. This is less focused on the week’s events and more on a set list.”

Kara stares off for a minute, thoughtful. “What happens if something comes up that week that I really need to talk about?” She traces the grain of the wood on the dark table.

“If we were to take that approach, it doesn’t mean that you couldn’t still talk about the week. More that each conversation would just have a predetermined focus. If something were to come up, it could be worked into the focus of the session or it could be an entirely new focus. We would postpone the other until the more pressing matter was discussed.”

Kara hums. “Then, the contract should outline that our sessions are conversational and topical. Let’s keep the goal setting for every session, too.”

“I can work with that,” she says with a small smile.

“Now what?”

“Now, we have to determine what you expect from me and I, you.”

A crinkle appears as Kara thinks. The longer she goes without saying anything, the deeper the crinkle sets. “Is there a problem?” Mira asks gently.

Kara sighs. “This is harder than the last one.”

“Likely because it requires you to have expectations and boundaries.” Mira shelves her reading glasses, allowing them to hang by the beaded chain around her neck, then angles her body to face Kara more directly. “Telling someone what you expect from them and being willing to listen to someone in return is part of valuing ourselves and making lasting connections with others.”

“I...” Kara pauses, “never thought of it like that.”

Mira shrugs. “It’s what I’m here for.”

Kara chuckles. “Okay, well then, you first. I need a model,” she jokes.

Mira purses her lips in gentle teasing. When Kara lets out one final giggle, she acquiesces. “So, I would like you to work on your goals outside of our sessions and to be willing to talk about them— no matter what happened with them—during our sessions.”

“I can do that.”

“Good. I would also like to add that you tell me if you don’t want to talk about something and that, if you do so, you give me your best reason why. Even if you’re not sure. I’d rather you tell me that you are not ready to discuss something than try to cover it up by brushing it off or lying outright. This is a place for honesty.”

Kara nods, though her heartbeat ticks up a notch. “I can agree to that,” she says, her voice wavering only slightly.

“Thank you,” Mira says. “Anything else?”

“Not that I can think of right now.” She doesn’t want to overwhelm the woman. “Besides, this is a living document. We can edit and add to this whenever we see fit.” Kara relaxes a bit at that. “Which means, it’s your turn.”

Kara bites her lip and turns her eyes downcast. “I want you to listen to me.” 

“How so?”

She can practically see Kara’s brows furrowing tighter. “To listen to me because what I have to say is important.”

“That’s why,” she says gently. “How can I do that for you? What would show you that I am listening?”

A beat. Two. Three. “Listen to me without comparing everything to how things are now.” Mira hears the unspoken, to Earth. Still, she needs Kara to say it. A few more seconds and the words come tumbling from her mouth.

“Good. That’s a good place to start.”

Kara exhales shakily. She does, however, raise her eyes. “Listen to me by not always having a fix-it for everything.”

Mira thinks for a moment. “What I’m hearing is that you don’t want a magic cure. Would that be correct?”

“Yes,” Kara says quickly before ducking her head, cowed. When Mira’s soft hand gently taps her shoulder, Kara knows it’s okay to let it go. “Yes. Because something like that...just makes me feel like you don’t get it. Like you don’t see how hard it is for me. To say it. To feel it. To live it.” She shakes her head. “It’s dumb...”

“Kara.” Mira is firm. “Your feelings are not and will never be dumb. Feelings are not always congruent with reality as a whole but they are, without a doubt, the reality for the person experiencing them.” Kara sniffles. “Your feelings matter. I don’t want you to ever forget that. Especially not in here.”

She lifts up her reading glasses and types both her and Kara’s requests. And as Kara takes in the black letters, stark against the white of the document, she feels some strength surge around the tears in her heart. (And she thinks that maybe, just maybe, there is power in setting boundaries after all.)

...

“You look happy,” Mira comments as Kara strides into the room with confidence.

Kara grins as she settles back against the cocoon of three throw pillows just as she does in her own loft. “I am!”

“Do tell.” Her happiness is infectious. 

“Today, we talk about Alex!”

“That we do.” Mira closes her laptop, then makes her way over to her own chair. “I trust that you have a place to start?”

Kara nods vigorously. When Mira extends her hand in a go on gesture, Kara sits up straighter and begins. “Alex is...home. There’s no other word to describe it. I can’t even think of one for it in Kryptonian because that was too sentimental, too...” Kara struggles to find the word, “unscientific. Is that a word?” 

Mira merely nods. This is such a change of pace. “So that’s the only way I can describe her. When I landed on Earth, I wasn’t sure what to feel, how to feel. I was an alien, sure, but I felt alien, too.”

“She made you feel differently?”

“Well, I suppose, in a way she did. I generally give the initial credit to Streaky, but Alex is the constant.” Kara sees the questions bouncing around Mira’s head and continues. “Alex and I got along alright at first. Sometimes.” Kara bobs back and forth, trying to sort through her racing thoughts. “Sometimes, she was great. There was this one time I was afraid of the popcorn maker. Like hiding under the table scared.” She chuckles and Mira knows that this story has a happy ending. “She crawled under it and showed me the salt and the butter. She held my hand as we crawled out together.” Kara’s smile is soft. “She made the emptiness a little...less.”

“That’s a wonderful story, Kara. A memory of family?” Mira trails off in question.

“Yeah,” Kara confirms breathily. In the time Mira takes to reflect, although no more than a few seconds, Kara’s expression shifts ever so slightly.

“I’m sensing that the family bit wasn’t as smooth as this story is making it out to be.” 

Kara sinks in on herself. It’s subtle, but it’s there. “That would be correct.”

“Would you like to explain it to me?”

“I can try,” Kara says, infusing strength into her voice.

“That’s all I ask.”

Kara takes a few deep breaths to center herself. “We had fun sometimes. It wasn’t all that easy other times. At least, not at first.” Mira nods. “Right when I first came to Earth, Alex was invited to the beach. I went. There was a crash. I saved the people. Alex told me I was doing something wrong and people were staring.” Kara pauses. “No, that was before the crash. Anyway,” she waves her hand. “There was a crash. I saved the mother and her baby. Got out. The car exploded. I walked away fine. Alex got hurt. Needed stitches.” Kara bites her lip. “Fifteen.”

“That is a lot of stitches.”

“Yeah,” Kara picks at the nonexistent lint on her work pants. “Humans are fragile.” 

“I gather that wasn’t the last time you watched her get hurt.”

Kara’s nod is nearly imperceptible. Still, she continues. “I hugged her once. It was the first time I had ever hugged a human. I wouldn’t let anyone touch me before that. Not in that way. Not since...not since my parents.” (Not since my planet died, not since my world ended.)

“That was a huge leap of faith to take.”

“Yeah,” Kara scoffs. “Turned out, it was the wrong one.” She looks up at Mira and her eyes are so cold and filled with self-loathing that Mira is sure her surprise must show on her face. “I broke two of her ribs. Fractured her collarbone, too.”

Mira lets out a weighty breath. Kara looks down at her lap once more. “See? I told you.” She allows her nails to dig into her palms wishing that, for once, marks would actually appear there. “I’m not what everyone thinks I am. Who everyone thinks I am.”

“And in that first session, I told you that no one is the perfect picture of what others think they are. And, still, we love anyway. We forgive anyway.”

“That’s when I told you that you hadn’t met someone like me yet.”

“Yes.” Mira waits for Kara to look up, even as the minutes tick by. It’s a silent standoff, but a standoff, nevertheless. Six minutes in and Kara finally relents. Her eyes are stormy, her cheeks are marked with the salt from her tears, and her hands are clenched, but she is present. She is here. “I let it go then. I will not let it go now.” She crosses one leg over the other. “You are unique in so many ways, Kara. You hold stories no one else could bear. You hold memories no one else could begin to fathom, at least not firsthand.” She nods along with her own words. “Still, there are ways you are not as different as you want to paint yourself to be.”

Kara flinches at the words. Mira, for her part, does not relent. “Everyone, and by that, I mean everyone—human, alien, from another time, another place—everyone, has parts of their lives that they keep hidden, chapters of their stories that aren’t read aloud.” Mira lets her words sink in. “And everyone, even those who have committed unspeakable atrocities, still have people who love them.”

A sob threatens to escape. Kara holds it back, swallowing over and over again until the feeling passes. “If that was supposed to make me feel better, it didn’t.” It’s not said to be biting; instead, it is broken and quiet and filled with the anguish of a lifetime of pain and regret.

“The truth is not meant to make you feel better.”

“The truth is objective,” Kara says out of habit. “Truth knows no name, no person, no place. Truth knows not of feelings and lies. Truth knows only what is right, what is just, and what is fair. So, we ask Rao that the flames from His hearth burn what is in us that is untrue and that the flame within us that matches His, spark the pursuit of the truth no matter the cost. For in Rao’s light, we will find truth. And in truth, we will continue to find Rao.” The words flow without pause, without conscious thought, pulled from the deepest recesses of her mind.

“Thank you for the beautiful prayer,” Mira says.

With those words, Kara comes back to the little middle room. “Thank you,” she breathes. It takes a moment, but her senses come rushing back to her in light of the memory. “How did you know it was a prayer?” She certainly spoke that in Kryptonian (otherwise, she doesn’t think it would have flowed so easily, so thoughtlessly).

Mira gives a small, secret smile. It causes Kara’s heart to race. “I was an intern to Halk Kar, a scientist on Thoron. During that time, he was planning a trip to Krypton, to speak with a scientist named, Jor-El.” Kara’s breath hitches. “He and I would practice Kryptonian for hours at a time. There were months where he would only allow your language to be spoken in his lab. Weeks where I was tasked with researching your culture and delivering the information back to him while he worked.” She uncrosses her legs and clasps her hands. “So that is how I knew that what you spoke was both a lesson and a prayer.”

“Wow,” is all Kara can say. She lets out a breath. Then another. And another. “Wow.” She meets Mira’s bright eyes, shining with the memories of another world, another life. “You actually understand?”

Mira tilts her head. “In a way, I like to think I do. I would never want to diminish another’s stories, nor their pain—”

“—But you can relate,” Kara sighs. Mira shifts slightly, unsure until Kara turns to her with a beaming smile. It is more than Kara has ever shown her. “That...I’m so sorry you have had to experience similar things but...I never thought...it’s everything.”

Mira smiles. “We both have our stories to share and our stories to bear. Some of those we rarely let breathe. I hope you now feel a little more comfortable to do so here.”

Kara dips her head. “I think I’m ready to listen now,” she says, feeling her rashness from before bleeding out.

“You’ll have to be a tad more specific,” Mira says.

The corners of Kara’s lips quirk up in spite of the hit to her ego. “The part about me not being so different.”

“Oh, yes.” Mira tucks a few grey-streaked hairs behind her ear. “You are unique in so many ways. You have so many scars to wear, both happy and sad. But you, Kara, are not as different as you tell yourself.” Kara gulps. She doesn’t argue. “You tell yourself that you are different but not because you want to acknowledge your individuality or pay tribute to your heritage. No. You tell yourself that you are different so that you can justify shutting people out.” Kara’s breath catches. The words feel like rope around her throat. “You tell yourself that you are different so that no one sees that you are also broken, sees that you are also hurt.” It feels tighter. “You tell yourself that you are different so that no one sees how much you have had to overcome, how much you overcome every day, how wonderful you truly are.”

The rope breaks, her chest heaves, her throat bobs. The tears come. (She feels whole.)

...

“I made a list of all the ways I’ve been a good presence in Alex’s life,” Kara announces without preamble at the start of the next session.

Mira closes the door behind her. “Why don’t you read it,” she suggests.

Kara shrugs. “Okay.” Mira takes her seat, leaning back into the armchair and flicking on an additional table light. “I saved Alex’s life when we were teenagers. I saved Alex’s life on the plane. I saved her from CADMUS that one time.”

Mira stops her before she can continue rattling off the rest of the list. “Kara, Alex is so lucky that you were there for her so many times.”

“I hope she thinks so. She was always, is always, there for me.” 

“Tell me, though, how does Alex save you?”

“How does she...save me?” A light crinkle appears between her eyebrows.

“Yes. How does she show you that she loves you? That she cares? How does she save you?”

“Well,” Kara thinks for a moment before launching into a full-on ramble, “She taught me a lot about Earth customs. She learned Kryptonian.” Kara fiddles with her glasses in what seems like embarrassment, but Mira doesn’t press. “She comes to movie nights even when I’m cranky or snot-nosed. She helps me pick out what to wear for dates even when she has somewhere else to be. She makes time for me. She loves me for me,” Kara ends simply. Ends it as if nothing in the world could be greater than that. If Mira knows anything about this life, it’s that loving someone exactly as they are is the greatest gift, the greatest truth, of them all.

“She’s your sister, friend, confidant.”

Kara’s eyes soften. “She filled my heart.”

“Even during a time when you thought it was impossible.”

Kara nods. “And she still does. Even when we fight. Even when we mess up. She fills it.”

“So then tell me, Kara, has she ever saved you in a fight?”

“Of course.”

“You didn’t mention it.”

“Well...” Kara pauses, brows furrowed. “You did that on purpose.” It’s said without malice, just a knowing look.

“Perhaps,” Mira gives a good-natured smirk. “Because I want you to see that Supergirl is a part of who you are. Undoubtedly. But that facet is not everything you are. You, powers or no powers, are important. You, Supergirl or not, have value, too.”

“You know, Alex tried to tell me that not so long ago. During a real low point in my life when I had just sent my ex-boyfriend into space and hated my job and just...wanted to erase Kara Danvers from existence. When I wanted to be Supergirl and only Supergirl. Strong. Powerful. Invincible.” She shakes her head. “She told me that Kara Danvers was her favorite person.” A single tear slips down her tanned cheek. “That she saved her more than Supergirl ever had, ever could,” she corrects.

“Sounds like she and I would get along.”

Kara sniffles. “I like to think so.” She swallows. “Eliza had said something similar. The first time I really let her hug me. That Krypton was a part of me. My parents, too. J’onn, you know our DEO director, Green Martian, kind of like our space dad? said something about not cutting out pieces of our lives, either. That it’s losing what’s essential.”

“Because all of it, everything we experience, makes us who we are. We are not the result of one thing. We are the result of millions of moments and choices and people. All of it.”

“There was a phrase on Krypton: Be humble, for you are made of the land. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.” Kara gives a sad smile. “I heard it around the community, of course, but never more than I did from my mother.” She burrows herself into the mountain of throw pillows she’s compiled behind her in a matter of seconds. “I needed a lot of reminding.”

“Sounds like she wanted you to own your power.”

Kara gives a closed-mouth smile. “In more ways than one.”

“Were any of those ways related to your worth as Kara? Just Kara.”

“Lots of times,” Kara says airily.

“It seems that you’ve had a lot of people in your life care about who you are as Kara.” 

“That would be correct.”

“About that list...”

“I bring her food from her favorite food truck in Chicago.” 

“Really?” Mira drawls.

“Well,” Kara ducks her head and a curtain of curls mask half of her face, “I’ve been told that food is my love language.”

...

It takes another session for Kara to sort through her relationship with Alex. Another session to really allow herself to share how she hid herself away from the world after hurting Alex. How Streaky renewed her faith in herself. How Alex walked up to her and, without waiting for permission, wrapped her arms around her and said, “You won’t hurt me.” (She even admits to following a similar pattern when Alex came out.)

“We discussed that, after Alex, we would move onto some of your other family members,” Mira transitions. Kara’s breath stutters out. “Are you still comfortable exploring that?”

Kara’s body is clenched, but she works to unhinge her jaw by visualizing a field. Then the flowers. Then a single bloom. The plumeria brings her back to center. “I want to push back. I want to force a detour.” She exhales. “But it’s not because I can’t talk about it. It’s because it scares me.”

“You’re growing, Kara.” The proud gleam in Mira’s eye is worth the admission. She thinks how, on Krypton, admitting to one’s fear is a show of great strength. (It’s funny, she thinks, that some things from Krypton have hooked into her soul so readily but others, like shame, are much more human in origin.) “You are allowed to shelf a topic if necessary. We agreed to those terms.”

Kara nods. “I know. I don’t like being vulnerable. You know that. This topic...will make me especially vulnerable.” Mira nods, eyes wide and full of compassion. “But that’s not enough to make me want to stop. Not yet, at least.”

“Let me know if it becomes too much.” She’s pretty adept at reading people, but she wants Kara to know, with 100% certainty, that she is in the driver’s seat.

Kara allows her head to bob her consent, but she says nothing. She’s silent for a few minutes, the dearth of noise stifling until she finally throws up her hands. “I don’t know where to begin. It’s been so long since I’ve talked about it. At least in depth.” She drops her hands and her head immediately falls into the open palms, elbows balancing on her knees. She groans. “This isn’t supposed to be so hard.”

“In what way?” Mira asks.

Kara peeks one eye out from her makeshift shelter. “I spent thirteen years of my life on Krypton. I grew up there. I dream about it. For years, I had fantasized about it. On bad days, I still do.” She huffs. “It shouldn’t be this hard to talk about it.”

“Yes, Krypton is yours. It is alive within you. But when was the last time you shared that with another person?” Kara’s eyes snap up. “A memory is one thing. Reliving it is another.”

Kara hiccups. “I worry about talking about it sometimes. It makes people sad, makes people think I don’t like it here.” Another hiccup. “But Krypton, Mira, Krypton,” her eyes glaze over, “was so beautiful.”

Mira dims the sole light in the room and settles back in her chair, feeling triumphant as it encourages Kara to relax into the memories, as well. She watches as Kara sinks into her mountain of pillows and tucks her knees beside her. “Soft reds and pinks and warm yellows and oranges gave everything a golden tint. I look back and wish I had appreciated it more. How warm everything felt.” Her eyes slip shut. “When I was really young, plants used to crawl up the sides of every building. Beautiful. Intricate. Everyone took pride in it, maintaining their own little work of art.” She smiles and her whole body relaxes. “When I got older, we lost some of the plants. They didn’t grow quite so much anymore. Looking back, it was the change in our core, in our atmosphere. But I was a child. I didn’t see that. All I saw were that the most beautiful creations had lasted and what hadn’t? What hadn’t turned to crystal. We grew our own crystals. Beautiful things. Of course, they were more than that—they housed a wealth of information, powered communications, so many things. But they were also beautiful. They reflected the light with a shimmer you can’t even imagine.”

“Like stardust?” Mira murmurs, remembering a proverb Kara had recounted not too long ago.

Kara hums. “We are made of stardust. Therefore, we are at least one way that Rao knows himself.” She breathes in. “Rao forged us in His hearth so that He may know us and us, Him.”

“I knew that your society valued technology, but I am now gathering that it was also a place that valued the merging of pragmatics with aesthetics.”

Kara allows her head to tip back, comfortably resting her neck on the plush pillow there. “Not the same way as people do here. Most of the people on Krypton probably wouldn’t describe it as I have. Me being from Earth and them...never...” she swallows before moving on. “Beauty was not as subjective as it is on Earth. Beauty came from mathematics. Science. Innovation. Crystals are beautiful for their technological capabilities, gorgeous when arranged to show Rao’s grace, perfectly arranged to catch the most of His light.” Kara’s body is limp as she says, “Beauty comes from truth. Truth comes from knowing. Knowing comes from Rao.”

“Religion was important on Krypton.” It’s an observation, but it’s also more. It’s an opening. Kara keeps mentioning her faith in passing but never going further. It seems that, by bringing it up so often when she never has before, that she is looking for a way to express it. Seeking the permission to do so.

“I think that’s a conversation for another day.” A beat. Then two. “It’ll bring up too much. Next week, I promise I will discuss it.”

Mira nods despite knowing that Kara has chosen to keep her eyes closed. “Tell me more, then, about your first home.”

Kara’s heart beats a little loudly at the acknowledgement of her feelings—both waiting to discuss her religion in-depth and the fact that Krypton was her first home but not her last. “Well, we loved all things round,” she breathes out in fond exasperation.

...

“I brought a painting today. My goal was to come up with something to help me talk about my faith. I think that this will help.”

She pulls the carefully folded piece of art out of her bag and takes great care in smoothing out the creases. She hands it to Mira to look over it. “You are quite talented,” Mira says. And it’s true. From the careful brush strokes to the selection of the colors, Mira can feel the emotions begging to be seen, to be heard, to be felt.

“Thank you,” Kara says as she fiddles with her glasses. “I like to paint. Like writing it just...helps me think. Helps me to put things into perspective.”

“To create order in your world.”

“Sometimes I think that I can’t even feel without order.” She shrugs. “A remnant of Krypton, I suppose.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Mira points out. But gently. So gently. “Humans usually feel before they think.”

“You’re not human.”

“No.”

“And that’s okay.”

“I know. Or, at least,” Kara’s lips purse, “I’m starting to accept it. It’s just hard sometimes. When the differences are so obvious.”

“It makes you feel like less,” Mira supplies.

“Less, other, different.” Kara swallows.

“Do you think others would feel the same? If they were on Krypton?”

Kara mulls it over. “Probably.” She takes a chance. “Do you? Do you ever feel less than humans?”

Mira lowers her eyes. “There was a time I felt like I would never measure up. I would never be alien enough nor human enough.”

“You say that like you’re past it.” Mira nods. “How did you do it?”

“It took many years and some days I still struggle.” Warm brown eyes meet searching blue ones. “Eventually, though, I realized that I was trying to be what others wanted me to be. And not even who the people that truly cared about me wanted me to be. And, in doing so, I was trying to force myself onto a side. Pitting one part of my life against the other.” She pauses. “Do you know what I realized?”

Kara averts her eyes. “That you can have both?”

“No, dear.” Kara finds the courage to look up. “It wasn’t that I could have both. It was that I already had both. I just had to stop fighting it.” Kara’s lower lip quivers. “This is all wildly pared-down, by the way,” she injects some levity. “It was a lot more complicated than that. It took friends and family,” she trails off. “But I get the feeling that you already know that.”

Kara weaves her head back and forth. “I had a feeling.” She takes a leap (or a dive, as Cat would call it). “Alex, Winn, Eliza, my mom, Lena...” her chest constricts, “they’ve helped me see that. Painting helps. Keeping a journal helps.”

“Some quality coping strategies.”

“And...my faith. I lost hope for a while, but I was reminded last year and...I’d forgotten how important it is to me. How important it was on Krypton, to our culture, to our community.”

Mira places a worn hand atop Kara’s. “Are you ready to tell me more?”

Kara places her unoccupied hand atop Mira’s, squeezes, then leans back as Mira does the same. “I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be ready.” Her insecurities give way to resolve. “But I want to try.”

...

“I know that Krypton is still supposed to be the topic for discussion,” Kara says as she enters the room. “But you said that the document and the topics are fluid, and I need a switch.” It’s said so brusquely, filled with such power, that Mira can do nothing but stare.

Before she can recover, Kara flushes. “Sorry. Just needed to get it out before I didn’t say anything at all.”

“Nothing to be ashamed of, Kara.” Mira motions for her to take her seat. “I was admiring how far you’ve come from our first session.”

Kara fiddles with her glasses. Mira smiles. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to talk about Lena.” She whispers it, but Mira hears it all the same. She hasn’t heard that name since Kara’s early sessions. It was the most she was willing to admit during the first, haltingly and painfully as she explained why she had made the decision to come to therapy (and, looking back, it was likely the most she could admit without an NDA), and it was the hard-line she drew in the contract—that she would bring up Lena when she was ready. Everything else she could be pushed to share, but not about her, never her.

“Did something come up?” Neutral ground is always a good place to start.

“I mean, not exactly.” Kara’s body is practically vibrating with nervous energy. “I haven’t spoken to her since I told her about the NDA.”

“When you asserted your boundaries.”

“And felt terrible for it,” she mutters. She shakes her head and continues before Mira can respond. “But I was talking to Nia the other day. You know, my friend who is also kind of my mentee,” she lowers her voice, “at Catco and the DEO?”

“She was talking about Lena?”

“You know how Alex is usually the one to sit me down and get me to really talk?” Mira nods and raises her brows, urging Kara to continue. “Nia did.” She tries to chuckle. “She out-mentored her mentor.”

Mira knows not to push her to stop minimizing her feelings. At least not at this very moment. Kara very clearly needs to get this out. Stopping of any kind could lead to her closing up and putting this conversation off. “What did she say?” Mira prompts.

“She hung around, after game night, and asked if I could sit. It’s unusual for her to do so but the alarm bells didn’t go off...Alex had left with Kelly and I didn’t really want to be alone...” She curls further into herself. “She said, ‘Let’s talk about Lena.’”

Despite the tense atmosphere, Mira chuckles. “She’s not one to beat around the bush.”

Kara doesn’t smile, but it’s enough for her to relax her fists and wrap the blanket hanging over the back of the chair around her instead. “Not particularly, no.” She scrunches her nose. “When I didn’t say anything, she kept going.” A sob claws it way out of her throat. “She told me that she knows how important Lena is to me. She can see it in my eyes.” The tears flow easily now. “Hears it every time someone brings up their own relationship, and I talk about her. Or asks me about mine.” She tugs the blanket around her tighter.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing at first.” She rubs roughly at her nose. “I panicked. I felt like the walls were closing in on me. Her saying all that.” They’ll have to discuss that reaction more another time. “She hugged me. Really hugged me then.” Kara is practically shaking at this point. Her eyes, however, are clear; they are only marred by her tears. “She told me that it was okay.” She sniffles. “She hugged me and told me to feel whatever I feel. She was there for me.” She levels her eyes with Mira’s. “She will always be here for me.”

And despite the tears still glistening in the low lighting of the room, despite the choking sobs and the shivers racking Kara’s body, it’s understood that she’ll get through this. She will come out on the other side.

...

“Mira, you were right.” Kara meets her eyes. They’re blue without a hint of storm. They’re strong. Bright. Ready.

“It’s been known to happen,” she jokes.

Kara allows the corners of her lips to quirk up, ducking her head not out of embarrassment but tempered pride. “Boundaries didn’t make her leave.” Mira doesn’t even have to ask to whom Kara is referring. Kara sits up straighter. “She came back.” The wonder in her voice is palpable. “I respected her boundaries. She respected mine. And now...things might actually be okay.” Kara smiles. A real, unadulterated smile. An honest one. A genuine one. “Before I kept trying to do everything, be everything, to make up for the lies.”

“You were compensating.”

“Exactly.” Kara nods. “I was so desperate to get her back. And while I can’t say that’s changed much,” a light blush dusts her cheeks and Mira imagines that, without her powers, that blush would be much brighter, “I know that I can’t force it. I can’t spend the rest of my life sacrificing my boundaries and my needs in the fear that she’ll never forgive me.” Kara sighs. “That’s her decision to make.”

“I’m sensing that something allowed you to come to this realization.”

Kara giggles as she folds in on herself in her awkwardness. It’s endearing; it reminds Mira of her own daughter. “She called me last Friday.” Mira raises a brow (Kara’s heart stutters at her resemblance to Lena). “I was fighting an alien so I couldn’t answer. Called back once I was awake in the DEO medbay. She rushed down.” Kara smiles. “Stayed with me as I recovered.” She waves her hand with a belated addition of “I blew out my powers.” She sighs, light and airy. “She was holding my hand when I woke up. We were joking. But I was strong enough to tell her that I wasn’t up to telling a particular story right then.”

“That took a lot of courage, Kara,” Mira praises. “Especially after how terrible you felt after you asserted those boundaries the last time.”

Kara wags her pointer finger. “I’m not finished,” she teases. “Patience.” Mira shakes her head, a grin softening her sharp features. “I also asked her what we were doing. To what end were we calling this truce,” she says more softly. Kara takes a deep breath. “We’re going to try to be friends. To really talk this time. To really listen. After that...just...after she came...I think we might actually make it.” She turns to Mira with stars in her eyes. “Thank you, Mira. Thank you for giving me my life back.”

“Sweetheart, you did that for yourself. Me? I just gave you some tools. And a whole lot of tough love.”

Kara’s chuckle is watery. “If you say so, Mi. If you say so.”

...

Kara is bouncing in her seat as she waits for Lena to arrive at a new café—this is safe territory, neutral ground, unimpeded by memories—both with nerves and excitement. It’s a strange combination and, still, one Kara doesn’t quite know how she feels about, but she’s beginning to accept that her feelings are her feelings. She can have them without categorizing them as good or bad.

She had arrived early—she could barely focus on her work anyway—and being able to watch as Lena walks in with confidence and searches for her among the tables, makes it worth it. Sure, Lena’s posture stiffens ever so slightly, and Kara can hear her heartbeat accelerate (moderately, only moderately), but it’s a start. She has to admit that this is much better than it’s been in quite some time (especially when Lena’s features stay relaxed as she takes the seat across from her).

“I never knew this place existed,” Lena notes, admiring the homeyness of the string lights and the mismatched pillows on the chairs, the soft yellow lighting of the place carefully controlled by the sconce lampshades.

“Well, you didn’t know Noonan’s existed either, so that isn’t exactly a groundbreaking statement,” Kara jokes. She backtracks quickly, though. “But, yeah-yeah, I didn’t know it existed either. Alex and Kelly found it. Told me about it. Said their pumpkin spice was even better than Noonan’s.”

Lena places a hand, slightly chilled but steady nonetheless, on top of Kara’s. Her mouth snaps shut. “It’s okay, Kara.” She takes a deep breath, draws herself up (Kara normally would’ve said that it’s Lena channeling her inner CEO. Now, though? Now, it looks a little more like she’s channeling her inner Supergirl). “I know that I’ve hurt you.” Kara is about to interject but Lena holds up her hand, her eyes pleading for Kara to let her get this out. “I know that we’ve both hurt each other. Moving past it, on either of our ends, won’t be easy. I know it’s a long road. But I am ready to try. I meant that.” Lena pauses, trying to get the final words she rehearsed to leave her lips. She had known it would be hard to say what she’s truly feeling, but it’s the truth and she wants to share the truth. Still, it seems the practice hasn’t done her any good.

Kara, sensing this, extracts her hand from where it rests beneath Lena’s and, without giving Lena enough time to doubt her intentions, she places that same hand atop Lena’s and puts just enough pressure for it to be felt. Lena’s eyes shine a little brighter and Kara’s heart soars with the open display of trust. “I miss you,” she breathes, more air than sound, but Kara feels so many things click into place regardless of the volume. The truth has a way of shining through.

Kara waits a beat. And another. And another because she wants to be absolutely positive that she’s not cutting Lena off, that she knows that she cares, that she’s listening. When Lena bites her lower lip, she relents. “I miss you, too.”

They pull back after that, a bit of awkwardness (okay, a lot of awkwardness) and stumble out their drink orders to the waitress. They drink their coffees (Alex is right—it is even better than Noonan’s) with little more than small talk and light catching up.

Yet, neither seem to really mind. They know that the road is long and that they can’t just dive in headfirst this time. There’s too much baggage now, too much that was left unsaid before. Besides, there’s another goal this time: Talking without scoffing, telling little truths to start them off right, and not letting hurt power anger when they’re mad about other things entirely. It’s about building trust. One step at a time.

...

“It actually went surprisingly well,” Kara relays to Mira. She flicks her eyes to the light streaming through the open blinds—that’s new.

“For the symbol of hope, you were awfully unsure.” There was a time a statement like that would have set her off, made her reconsider this whole therapy thing. But now? Mira has proven time and time again that she sees the real Kara. The Kara so few have had the pleasure of knowing (or, Kara tries not to think bitterly of her past self, the few Kara has ever allowed herself the vulnerability to let in). Now, she knows that, beneath those words, Mira is giving Kara permission to accept herself as a hopeful person without allowing it to consume every aspect of her life. It is, after all, impossible to be hopeful all the time. To be an image—a symbol—all the time.

She simply nods in acknowledgement. “I lose hope, too.” She shrugs. “I don’t think I’ve ever truly experienced a loss of hope so great, not since my planet died, at least.” She lifts her eyes. “Even when I wasn’t myself after everything with Mon-El,” she shakes her head, “it wasn’t the same.”

“Care to share?”

Kara inhales then lets her shoulders relax. “I wasn’t just mourning him. I was mourning the loss of a normal life. Accepting the fact that making difficult choices would always be a part of my life. At the time, I thought that meant renouncing my humanity. Renouncing relationships as a whole.”

After a stretch of silence, Mira prods. “And now?”

Kara exhales. “I know that I don’t have to give up Kara or Supergirl. They both make me who I am.” The corners of her lips quirk up. “I know that it’s not always easy—it’s easier to say it—but it’s who I am and both sides of that...I want it.”

“I have no doubt you’ll find that balance. Or merge, if you will.”

The soft words warm Kara’s heart. “I think I will.” She pulls her legs up to sit cross-legged.

“Anyway,” she notes Mira’s satisfied smile as she doesn’t shy away from the difficult topic, “I was also mourning the fact that maybe I really was going to end up alone. Not just alone in terms of a partner, but...alone. I had all these people around me who loved me and yet didn’t really know me.” She gulps. “They missed me and cared for me, without a doubt.” The words are said as if the alternative is inconceivable. “But I couldn’t let them in. Wouldn’t let them in. And these people knew that I was Supergirl.” She leans forward with such jaggedness that Mira does the same. “How was I then to ever expect a happy ending? One where I wasn’t completely alone?”

“Kara,” Mira levels her eyes with the woman before her.

“I’m not finished,” Kara says gently. Mira leans back and sits straighter as she waits.

“I felt hopeless because of that more so than I did about him. It got better when I went home for a while with Alex, but it still hurt. I saw my mom on Argo, I rekindled some friendships, but I still hid myself away. I made a lot of bad decisions, especially with Lena. I hurt a lot of people that I care about.” She rolls her lips, and Mira knows that she is holding back a sob. “Eventually, I came back. Alex talked some sense into me, everyone kept fighting for me, and-and-and I texted Lena because she’s my best friend.” Mira knows the present tense is no accident. “That was an intense time in my life. But it was also dull. I was just numb. I lost hope, but I gave it freely. I was accepting it as the truth. Forever.”

“So, not only was it not a loss of hope concerning one person, but it was also one that made you feel less instead of more?” Mira clarifies. Kara nods. “And you still had people in your corner whether you wanted them there or not.” She nods once more. “With Lena...”

“With Lena,” Kara jumps back in, “I can’t even describe it.” She rubs her forehead. “I felt more than I thought my body could ever hold. I mean, how is it possible?” She shakes her head. “It makes sense when I am scared about Alex getting hurt. It’s logical. That’s a rational response to an appropriate stimulus.”

“It’s a Kryptonian response.”

“Yes,” Kara exhales. “Being worried about Alex leaving me behind, missing Maggie, missing Kal...” she scrunches her nose, “It’s not exactly Kryptonian, but it’s close enough. It’s not too much.”

“Lena, on the other hand,” Mira interjects, “was too much.”

Kara’s entire body sags. She pulls her knees to her chest and rests her head there. “Entirely too much.” A tear drops onto her jeans. “I felt like I was drowning in my own blood, crushed by the yellow sun.”

“That must have been very painful.”

“I don’t even want to think about it. It all comes rushing back.” 

“Then why are you?”

Kara lifts her head slightly to meet Mira’s eyes. “I don’t want it to always feel this way,” she whispers. Mira softens. “Whether or not we can move past the little things, whether or not we can get back to where we were or...” she hesitates, “move on to something different,” she says carefully, “I want to be able to breathe. I don’t want everything to circle back to what I could’ve done differently. I don’t want to just feel pain. I don’t want everyone to think I’m fine when I’m dying on the inside.” Her voice rises with every word, every syllable choppier than the last. She drops her cheek back onto her knees. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Mira stands. She walks past Kara. She stops at the door. She flips a switch.

The room is flooded with light. Enough light that Kara squints at the sudden change.

She perches herself on the table that separates the two armchairs and speaks to Kara, soft and low. “You have come across one of the many painful realizations about life. As much as we try, we can’t escape the fact that being vulnerable...scary as it may be...is part of the experience.” Mira clasps her hands. “The question now is, what are you going to do about it?”

...

“I believe that I was promised ice cream,” Kara says in lieu of a greeting when Lena swings open the door to her penthouse.

Lena rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “You and food.” 

“I’m hungry!” Kara pouts.

“You’re always hungry.”

Lena steps to the side so that she can enter. “You’d be hungry, too, if you had my metabolism.” A light admission, a simple truth. (Lena’s smile tells her that she knows the significance; oh, she knows.)

She stops, though, when she sees the full spread sitting on Lena’s island. Ice cream, sprinkles, whipped cream, candies, caramel, the works. She turns to Lena, tipping onto the balls of her feet, “You’re my favorite,” she says without thought, rushing into the kitchen.

Lena can’t deny that the way it’s said, the way the words seem to be an extension of Kara’s very soul, stitch back a few gaping holes in her tattered heart.

“A game of Twenty Questions seems like a lot of sharing. We’ll need fuel.”

And later that night, after all the questions have been light and gentle and tentative, Kara asks one more. “Will you go to therapy with me?”

Lena’s timid nod makes it worth all the risk.

[supergirl-writingz]

Kidnapped Part 2

B!D deals with recovery.

Note: the doctor being named dr grey isnt actually like mer or lexie i literally just watch too much greys and couldnt think of another name haha also THANK U FOR BEING SO PATIENT W ME im really proud of this fic tbh and i hope u guys like it:) remember requests are always open

Warning: trauma, anxiety, therapy

It’s been about one week since you were rescued. You were doing okay. Everyone was trying to convince you to see someone, to talk about what you went through. You didn’t get why. You realized you have been through something tragic, but wouldn’t it be easier to just put it in the past? 

Physically, you still had a long way to go. You were still cooped up at the DEO and you would be for a little bit longer. You had bruises everywhere, 2 broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken bone in your foot. But Lena assured you that you were healing properly. You trusted her.

Your least favorite part about everything, was the way people were treating you. They treated you as if you were glass, and if they spoke to loud or even held your hand, they would break you. You didn’t feel broken and you didn’t get why everyone wanted you to be. Lena was the only one who would tell you things how they were, straightforward with no holding back. You appreciated it. 

Lena walked into the room, “Hey hun can we talk?”

You nodded, “Of course Lena what’s up?”

Lena sat at the edge of your bed, “Darling I think you need to see someone, you-”

“Not you too” you interrupted rolling your eyes, “I’m fine, I don’t need to see anyone”

Lena was patient with you, with a calm voice she said, “Y/N you can’t keep bottling up your emotions, it’s not healthy. If you don’t let this out you’re gonna have a breakdown. You’re not fine and thats okay.”

“I am fine” you snapped at her.

“Y/N, you are scared to sleep without sedatives and you haven’t talked about what happened to you at all. Let me help you, please talk to me, or Kara or Alex or a specialist. Please”

You turned your head away from her. You were embarrassed but it was true, you were scared of going to bed without them.

“Don’t sedate me tonight, I’ll sleep just fine”

Lena sighed, “Okay”

As she walked out she turned around and said, “You know we’re all just trying to do what’s best for you right?”

You didn’t answer. Lena walked out looking sad and defeated. You felt bad, she’s helped you so much. But you were tired of people saying you weren’t okay. You thought about sleeping tonight without the sedatives, truthfully you were nervous but you didn’t tell anyone. Tonight was Kara’s turn to sleep in your room, and she always made you feel safe. 

Later that night, around 11, you finally fell asleep after tossing and turning for a couple hours. 

All of the sudden you woke up with a start not knowing where you were. You were screaming and your heart rate was through the roof. Kara instantly got up and rushed to you.

“Y/N baby it’s just a dream! You’re okay!” she said calmly but loud enough so it would get through to you.

It didn’t help. You were starting to hyperventilate. Kara put her face directly in front of yours.

“Look at my sweetheart, breathe like I do” Kara said, breathing in and out slowly for me to follow.

You looked Kara in the eyes and started following her breathing. 5 minutes later you were breathing normally. Lena and Alex came rushing in, someone must have called them.

“Baby what happened?” Alex asked with a concerned tone. 

Tears were building up in your eyes, “I- I was back there.. in my dream”.

“The room where it all happened?” Lena asked. You nodded, tears starting to come quicker

“It was so real, I could feel every punch, every kick. It was like I was back there.” you said, at this point you were sobbing. 

Alex came close to you and put her hand to your cheek, “You’re safe now Y/N, he can’t hurt you anymore”

You pulled Alex closer and cried into the crook of her neck. While Kara was strong and comforting, there was something about Alex that made you feel powerful and in control. She was such a good directer at the DEO, even if things in her life were bad. Even when everything was going wrong, she had control. You needed that. You needed to be in control of your emotions, but you didn’t know how. You realized now everyone was right, you weren’t okay. But you still didn’t like the idea of seeing a therapist of any kind. You just couldn’t imagine talking to a complete stranger about things you can’t talk about to the people closest to you. 

You started to calm down and stopped crying. You looked up at Lena.

“I’m so sorry Lena”, you said.

“Darling you have nothing to be sorry for” she replied softly.

“I was so rude to you, you were just trying to help” you replied guiltily.

“You’re struggling little one, whether you know it or not, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After what you’ve been through, we’d be more concerned if you weren’t struggling” Kara said.

“We just want you to feel better and we want you to know you have our constant support” Alex said.

You looked down and smiled softly. You didn’t know what you would do without these people. You didn’t think therapy was for you, but it seems like it would make them feel better, and who knows maybe it would make you feel better too. 

“I’ll see someone”, you said quietly, “if you guys really think it will be good”

Alex smiled and said, “We’re only asking that you try”. 

You got in a couple more hours of sleep before day time had come and it was too bright to sleep. You heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Lena and another woman you didn’t recognize. 

“Hey hun, this is Dr. Grey, she works with people who have been through trauma” Lena said, trying not to overwhelm you.

She smiled a bright smile and said, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you”

You took a breath and remembered how you told Lena and your sisters you would give it a try. 

You reached out your hand and said “Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you too”

Dr. Grey shook your hand then told you that Lena or your sisters could stay in the room, or it could be just them. You decided to give it a try alone with Dr. Grey. Lena understood and wished you good luck before leaving. You took a deep breath, talking to this stranger was making you feel anxious. You and Dr. Grey started talking, and quickly you felt more comfortable. You guys didn’t talk much about the kidnapping, she mostly just wanted to know your home and social life. You told her pretty much everything, from your sisters, your friends, Lena, and school. Dr. Grey was pretty easy to talk to. The only time the kidnapping did come up was when she suggested that you talk to your sisters or Lena about what happened. She said if it was out in the open, you might feel better. She made it very clear though that you should wait until you were ready. And just like that, your hour session was over before you knew it.

“Thank you Dr. Grey” you said.

She smiled warmly, “So we’ll be meeting again?”

You returned her smile and nodded. 

About 2 weeks later, you were sitting in your bed at the DEO. You have been seeing Dr. Grey daily and it was helping a lot. All of the sudden Kara walked in and you smiled at her asked her to bring Alex and Lena into the room. Kara smiled and nodded, walking out of the room to get them. A few moments later, the three women walked in. 

“So Dr. Grey thought that I should talk to at least someone about what happened, other than her. And I trust you guys more than anyone, so I want to tell you guys” you say, starting to feel a little anxious.

“That’s very sweet darling but we don’t wanna push you into talking about something you’re not ready to talk about” Lena said concerned.

You smiled, “I’m ready”, and they nodded.

You told them everything, from you walking home from school, to the guy grabbing you, to your surroundings, and on and on. You told them how they wanted to know who Supergirl was, and you shot Kara a warm look almost saying, ‘This isn’t your fault’. Kara gave you a small yet guilty smile. You took a deep breath as you started to talk about the torture. Your hands were shaking so Alex grabbed them into hers. You didn’t even realize you were crying until Kara wiped a tear from your cheek. You told them everything... you told them the beatings, about the whips and taser. You told them about the hunger, and how cold it was. You told them how you were so hopped up on drugs, you couldn’t even remember how you got there. 

“The scariest part was when I lost hope, I truly thought I was gonna die there” you said. You finally looked up at them, Kara was crying just as much as you were. Lena and Alex had some tears too, but you could tell they were trying to be strong. You grabbed Kara’s hands and looked her in the eyes.

“But you saved me Kara, you’re the reason I’m still here” you said softly.

Kara pulled you into a hug and you felt her warmth and comfort, which then turned into pain from your ribs.

“Kara.. too tight” you said chuckling.

“Sorry” she laughed immediately letting go. The four of you sat there in silence for a while, enjoying each others company. Dr. Grey was right, you did feel better putting it all out there. 

A few weeks later, you were making great progress. You were still having nightmares, but not every night. The anxiety meds you were taking were starting to help with the panic attacks too. You were still at the DEO, but you were starting to walk around though, with a boot and crutches. Your ribs were almost healed and your concussion was all gone. 

You were doing great with Dr. Grey too. The only thing she was concerned with was that you didn’t want to leave the DEO. Of course you wanted to be at home, but you couldn’t get yourself to step out of the building. You felt safe in there. You had this fear that the man who took you would be out there, even though you knew he was in custody. Everyone tried to get you just to go on a simple walk outside, but your anxiety would kick in before you even got the chance. Today was going to be different, today you were determined to go outside. You haven’t been outside since Kara flew you to the DEO the day of the kidnapping, and you were barely conscious.. but today was different. 

You asked Kara, Alex, and Lena if you could all go on a walk. They gave a little surprised look but didn't say anything, they probably didn’t want you to overthink it, but they realized how big of a deal this was. You guys were having a normal conversation, walking through the DEO. You stopped when you reached the exit. You felt Kara give your hand a little squeeze, letting you know that it’s okay. You took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked outside. 

You were surprised as you felt the fresh air in your lungs. Everything looked greener than you remember. You spent so much time in the DEO, that you forgot there was life outside of the grey and dark building. You looked around at all the people, talking and laughing, and you were amazed at how good it felt. You quickly started to cry and turned back to your sisters and Lena.

“Oh baby why are you crying?” Alex asked softly, “Do you wanna go back inside?”

These were happy tears. 

“I’m finally free from him” you said smiling, wiping the tears from your face. 

They all smiled at you and were so proud of your strength and perseverance. You had a lot to work through still, but this was a break through. This was the first time since the kidnapping, that you were 100% sure that you would make it through this. You pulled them into group hug, silently thanking them for never leaving your side.

[jedifighterpilot2727]

Quarantined Supercorp HCs

-L-Corp has all employees work from home, and the employees who have nonessential jobs that require them to come in are told to stay home but they still make a full salary

- L-Corp donates like a billion dollars to food banks around the country and all L-Corp owned residential buildings suspend rent payments while the quarantine is in affect

- L-Corp also turns all of its manufacturing facilities into mask and ventilator production and its science labs work on developing an antidote

- Supergirl films a PSA encouraging everyone to stay home and look out for each other

- The virus doesn’t affect Kryptonians, but as luck would have it, a baddie tries to take advantage of the quarantine and Kara blows out her powers trying to stop them

-Of course Lena offers to have Kara stay with her so they can be quarantine buddies and she can make sure Kara doesn’t do something reckless in her powerless state

- Kara’s days consist of writing articles from home (she does some hard hitting stuff, but she also puts out tons of buzzfeed style quizzes and archive posts to keep people entertained), and begging Lena to stop working so hard so they can watch movies

- Kara also has an epic Sims game going (she may or may not have modeled her love interest after Lena)

- They order SO MUCH TAKEOUT, like they probably singlehandedly keep all of Kara’s favorite restaurants open

- Of course they end up in the same bed, (come on, where did you think this was going?), it starts out as “wouldn’t it be so much more comfortable to watch this romantic comedy in bed instead of on the couch?” and then it inevitably morphs into an every night thing

- There’s definitely points where they walk in on each other changing/getting out of the shower

- They also have few petty fight (I mean you can’t expect to suddenly move in together and start spending 24/7 together and not fight about some things)

- There’s an emergency at one of the factories and Lena has to go in to fix it

- Kara freaks out because she’s literally spent the past few weeks trying to ignore the whole situation because it makes her feel like the whole world is dying and she can’t do anything about it and it reminds her entirely too much of Krypton (She definitely needs therapy)

- Lena laughs her off (not realizing quite how upset Kara is) and assures her that she’ll be back as quickly as she can

- Well, it ends up being a bigger issue than she thought and it ends up taking so long that Kara works her self up into panic mode and gets her powers back

- She immediately flies out to the factory, and Lena is hella surprised because she left her powerless best friend on the couch five hours ago and now Supergirl is standing in front of her looking completely terrified

- Lena asks her what’s wrong and Kara tells her how scared she is that Lena is going to get sick and die (she might also kind of blurt out that she’s in love)

- Lena tells her that she can’t have this conversation right now and for Kara to go back home and that she’ll be there as soon as she can

- Kara is really freaking out now because she definitely didn’t mean to let that slip and of course Lena is going to hate her for it

- When Lena comes home, she reassures Kara that she’s fine and that she will continue to be fine; and she also sets up some video therapy for Kara with one of Kelly’s psych friends.

- After Kara has finally calmed down some, she decides to bring up the elephant in the room

“So, about what you said.”

“Listen,” Kara interrupts. “We don’t have to mention it, we can just forget I even said anything.”

“Is that what you want?”

Kara pauses.

“I mean it’s what you want, you told me that you couldn’t have the conversation and that I should just go home. So I kind of assumed that you don’t feel the same and we were just going to ignore what I said.”

“No, I told you that I couldn’t have that conversation right then; because I didn’t want to have such an important discussion in the middle of a factory floor when you were in obvious distress.”

Kara drops her eyes and fiddles with the hem of her pajama top until Lena reaches out to grab her hand.

“Now I need to know,” Lena continues gently. “Did you say what you said because you really feel that way? Or did you just say it because you were emotionally overwhelmed? Either answer is fine, but I need to know the truth.”

Kara takes a shaky breath, finally looking up to meet Lena’s eyes before answering.

“I love you. And not just like how someone is supposed to love their best friend; I mean yes, that too, but I also want to hold your hand and know what it feels like to kiss you. And I’ve felt this way for a long time, but being here with you all the time has just heightened everything, and I don’t want to mess up our friendship -”

“Kara, darling, take a breath.” Lena interrupts, leaning in. “I’m really glad we’re quarantine buddies.”

- Then they kiss and bang each others brains out for the rest of the quarantine

- When it’s all over Alex comments something along the lines of “Geez, all it took was a worldwide pandemic for you two to finally admit that you’re hopelessly in love with each other

- They all live happily ever after

[abigailnussbaum]

Infinity Train, S1-3

Infinity Train is a Cartoon Network animated series (now transferred to HBO Max) that premiered last year. Three seasons, each made up of ten 10-minute episodes, have aired, so you can watch the whole thing in an afternoon. The premise is quite familiar - the titular train picks up passengers (mostly, though not always, children) who are at some kind of crossroads in their lives. As they traverse cars filled with challenges, puzzles, dangers, and sometimes just nifty environments to explore, the passengers work through whatever issue brought them on to the train. Their progress towards wellness is reflected in a number that appears on their hand, and when the number drops to zero a vortex appears and returns them to their home. The train also contains native inhabitants, usually referred to as “denizens”, who sometimes help the passengers, sometimes hinder them, and are often just going about their own lives.

Like I said, the sort of premise familiar from many children’s stories, in which a character who is struggling with some important challenge or milestone is whisked off to a fantasy setting that just happens to have been tailored to help them work through their problems. The execution is pretty fantastic, with both the writing and animation striking a compelling mixture of humor and emotional depth. The train itself is a wonderful creation, vast and often surreal or even phantasmagorical, and the denizens are quirky and winning in their own right, not just as reflections of the passengers’ needs. The show also features an absolutely stacked voice cast, with guest appearances from Kate Mulgrew, Bradley Whitford, Ernie Hudson, Lena Headey, and many others.

But what I find fascinating about Infinity Train is how, almost from the first episode, it sets to work examining the core assumptions of its story template, chiefly the idea that the train is helping people, and that its kind of help is effective and positive. As someone who grew up on stories like Infinity Train and didn’t question their premise until I got older, it’s fun to watch a show that leans right into those inherent problems.

The first season of Infinity Train tells its story pretty straight. Our protagonist is Tulip, a tween who is struggling with her parents’ recent divorce. When a scheduling snafu between them leaves Tulip unable to get to a youth coding camp she’d been dreaming of, she impulsively runs away from home, and ends up being picked up by the train. There, she’s quickly joined by a royal corgi called Atticus, and a scatterbrained robot called One-One, who try to help her in her journey towards the train’s engine. Along the way, the trio are menaced by a sinister, semi-robotic figure who is destroying the environments in the train’s cars, and who seems to be fixated on One-One.

Even in this fairly basic spin on the story, a few reservations crop up: first, Tulip doesn’t actually have a real problem. Yes, her parents’ divorce has put a strain on her, but she still seems fairly well-adjusted - she has friends and interests and, apart from the ill-advised decision to run away, doesn’t seem to be acting out in dangerous ways. The things she learns over the course of her journey through the train - to face up to the hurt that her family’s breakdown has caused her, to admit that her parents’ marriage wasn’t perfect, to realize that their divorce wasn’t her fault, to ask for help when she needs it - are probably things she would have figured out as she gained some distance from the trauma of the divorce (or, for that matter, that any halfway-decent child psychologist would have helped her realize). It’s hard to justify a cosmic interference in her life, much less one that puts her in mortal danger, as the journey up the Infinity Train often does

And sure, this is a children’s adventure story, so it’s far more compelling to watch the child protagonist struggle with real danger (that is always avoided at the last possible minute) than attend a therapy session. Even if, as adult viewers, we might see the whole thing as unjustifiably risky. But the thing is, Tulip herself very quickly expresses resentment towards the train. When she realizes that the number on her hand drops when she does something healthy and good, Tulip’s reaction is anger, and for a while she refuses to cooperate with the system, covering her hand and refusing to consider how her actions are affecting her number. Even within the children’s adventure template, the child protagonist says what most of us would feel in her situation - that being kidnapped and made to jump through hoops for the sake of some seemingly arbitrary, numerical value of “wellness” is high-handed and manipulative, and encourages hostility and suspicion, rather than participation in the train’s system.

Ultimately, Tulip goes back to playing along with the train’s scheme and benefits from it. She gets her number down to zero fairly quickly, and gets to go back home. But along the way she also solves the mystery of the train’s mysterious villain, who turns out to be another passenger, Amelia, who was picked up by the train after the death of her husband. Instead of letting the train walk her through her grief and learn to accept it, Amelia tried to take over the train and use its reality-bending capabilities to recreate her lost husband. Along the way she’s committed so many acts of abuse and mayhem that her number has extended all the way to her neck. So even once Tulip talks her down and convinces her to stop hurting people, they both acknowledge that she’s never going to get off the train (oh, and by the way, the journey on the train happens in real time, so Amelia is now an old woman).

Now, it should be obvious that Amelia’s problem was significantly more complex and fraught than Tulip’s, and rather than helping her, the train gave her a venue to indulge her grief to anti-social, even psychotic extremes. So at the end of the first season, we’ve encountered two passengers. One who benefitted from the train’s system (after some initial hostility) but who also probably didn’t need its help that badly. And one who did need serious help, but instead got an opportuntity to screw her life up even more than it already was, and probably irrevocably. Not a great track record, in other words.

The second season mixes things up a bit by making its protagonist a train denizen, and giving us a behind the scenes look at the train’s community when the passengers aren’t there. MT (or: Mirror Tulip) is a character first encountered in the first season, whom Tulip helped to escape from the mirror world. She’s being pursued by mirror cops who want to destroy her, and in the process of evading them, she comes across a passenger, Jesse, and decides to help him get his number down so that she can piggyback on his exit and evade her pursuers. Jesse initially seems like he doesn’t belong on the train - he’s almost preternaturally friendly and happy-go-lucky. But it’s eventually revealed that his willingness to go along and get along is fairly indiscriminate, and leaves him prey to stronger personalities, as when he tolerates and even enables the violent bullying of his younger brother.

It’s a thornier problem than Tulip’s, not least for making it harder to sympathize with Jesse. But it’s also one that exposes the train system’s flaws, as Jesse is so passive that he doesn’t even try to move through cars and get his number down until MT lights a fire under him. And that, in turn, triggers MT’s own identity crisis, as she begins to wonder whether she has a right to exist as her own person, or whether her entire purpose is to reflect Tulip or help passengers.

That tension comes to a head when Jesse and MT encounter the Apex, a group of child passengers, led by teenagers Grace and Simon. The Apex have come up with a theory of the train’s nature that runs completely counter to its actual purpose - they believe the train is their reward, and that the system trying to bring their number down and send them back is cheating them. They strive to get their number as high as possible by committing acts of violence against the train’s denizens, whom they dub “nulls” - not real people, incapable of feeling pain.

Because S2 has been told from MT’s perspective, we know that the Apex are wrong about her and the other denizens (and in general, it’s not a good sign when someone says “this being, which exhibits all the signs of personhood and feeling, is actually not real, and is only shamming a form of suffering while feeling nothing”). But at the same time, it has to be acknowledged that this is an entirely plausible conclusion to draw from the evidence at hand. The train exists for the passeners. It has created environments and beings whose sole purpose is to interact with and affect the passengers. Why should those beings be real? Which is yet another failure point of the train’s system, because as both Tulip and Jesse’s stories show, developing connections with denizens is what spurs passengers to travel up the train and get better. The Apex have therefore interpreted the train’s system in a way that can only accomplish the exact opposite of what it was designed to do.

The show returns to Grace and Simon in its third season, in which we learn more about their history and their understanding of the train. We learn, for example, that Simon’s hostility towards denizens was sparked when the one who befriended him (The Cat, a character who appears in each of the show’s seasons) left him when they found themselves in a dangerous situation. And we learn that the Apex worship Amelia (whom they view as the train’s true conductor) and believe that the current system is a corruption of the one she intended, in which the passengers get to enjoy the train for as long as they like. In yet another demonstration of how open the train’s system is to misinterpretation, the Apex warn their new members that if they let their number get down to zero, they will “disappear”. Which is the same reaction Tulip had when she first witnessed another passenger departing, and, again, a thoroughly logical conclusion to reach given the evidence.

The season’s story involves Grace and Simon being separated from the rest of the Apex, and, in their attempts to get back to them, picking up a young passenger, Hazel, whom they try to initiate into their understanding of the train. The two teens’ interactions with Hazel shed light on the crucial difference between them. While Grace genuinely cares about the kids she’s gathered and sees herself as their protector, Simon only teaches Hazel about the train because he wants converts to his worldview, and validation for his anger at the Cat and other denizens. Once separated from the Apex and their regular schedule of destruction, Grace’s care for Hazel causes her number to go down, all the more so when she discovers that Hazel is really a denizen, and lies to Simon about it to protect her. Simon, meanwhile, only sinks further into his anger and resentment, and when he discovers Grace’s lie he sees it as a betrayal of everything they stand for. The conflict between them ultimately leads to a confrontation in which Simon is killed, while Grace reveals to the Apex that their conclusions about the train and its denizens were wrong, and that they need to come up with a new system.

So, to sum up, the Infinity Train:

Kidnaps people whom it perceives as being in need of help and holds them, sometimes for years or decades, until they achieve a predetermined threshold of wellness.

Advances this goal through a system of rewards and punishments that is so transparently manipulative, it alienates basically everyone who engages with it except the guy whose problem was being pathologically passive.

Relies for the success of this system on a community of denizens who haven’t signed on to it and who are often unsuited to the task of shepherding others towards growth.

Is so open to misinterpretation that a large chunk of the train’s passengers take the exact opposite message from it that they were meant to, which leads them to behavior that could put them permanently beyond being able to leave the train.

Sometimes kills people.

I’m pretty sure most of this is stuff I’m meant to be taking away from the show, but I also wonder how far Infinity Train is willing, or able, to take this idea. The open ending of S3, in which Grace, though headed in the right direction number-wise, is still nowhere near being able to leave the train, and also more focused on remaking the Apex into something more constructive, suggests that future seasons will get further into the question of whether the train can be reformed or made more productive. Or, conversely, the show could abandon its original premise and just become a story about the train, and the community of passengers and denizens that develops on it. I wonder, though, how much you can push against the inherent limitations of this premise - when you’ve got a story where getting better and more well-adjusted causes you to be forcibly ejected from the story, where does that leave you as far as plot progression and character development are concerned? There’s an inherent conflict to a world that is designed for a specific character (or group of characters). Infinity Train is fascinating for how it leans into that conflict, and I’m very curious to see how it handles its core contradiction going forward.

[0ciestiel0]

Buddie Appreciation/Ted Talk

Buddie Appreciation

This is going to be extremely long, basically a novel. For Real, this is loooong. I have tried my best to organize what we have for Buck and Eddie’s relationship and the building up that has been done and give some theories/explanations for our Buddie moments. I don’t necessarily mean that in the totally romantic sense as they aren’t actually a couple as of now, but I discuss why Buddie is a ship and why it is a valid ship and what it seems like the writers are doing. I cover all of seasons 1-3.I have posted everything before the updates sections before, but this is the complete seasons 1-3. Without further ado, 

Welcome To My Ted Talk 

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers. They didn’t start out that way, however.

Buck was jealous of Eddie. Not just because he was a new hot guy who was in his turf and he felt threatened with that whole hot firefighter calendar but of how easily the team accepted Eddie into their ranks. Buck had to fight and earn a place and respect but Eddie just walked in and had it. It stung and you could see it in Bucks facial expressions and overall attitude.

However, that animosity quickly subsided the minute he and Eddie share an intense call. He sees that Eddie has experience and skill. Eddie offers him to have his back and Buck offers the same. But Eddie acknowledges Buck’s skill. He tells him he’s good under pressure. He offers verbal praise which I think is something Buck kinda craves. He seems to need that verbal validation. He must not have had that unconditional love growing up, at least from his parents and Maddie left for school and then got married and had her own set of problems. But Eddie gave that validation. That was a very quick progression to friends but not necessarily unreasonable given Buck’s personality.

They slowly bond over their time being partnered in the field. Buck spends the most time with Chris out of anyone else on the team. Buck helps Eddie out, giving him rides, going to see Santa, getting Eddie Carla, and who knows what else we haven’t seen. The lady elf even thought they were a couple and Chris was their son. Buck obviously cares about Chris. He loves spending time with him. When Eddie brings him to the station Buck was already informing Bobby and getting the necessary permissions. And he was Playing with him on the fire pole with Eddie. Maddie even picks up on their closeness by teasing him about having boy-crush on Eddie.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

There was a lot of this trust built up and then Eddie emphasizes it when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami. He drops by Bucks unannounced, clearly having a key to his place. Like it’s normal for Eddie to just show up without warning. I bet only Maddie would have a key besides Eddie. He gets Buck out of bed, not caring about his personal space. He says Chris is spending time with His Buck today. He’s Chris’s Buck. And maybe Eddie’s too. We don’t really know Eddie’s full meaning behind those words. We’ve never seen Eddie leave Chris with anyone but his family or Carla prior to this. He has a very overprotective nature with Chris. He wouldn’t even trust Shannon with him when she first came back.

And with Shannon is the first time we see Eddie get kind of angry at all. This is important for later. Chris has been the only thing that Eddie expresses lots of emotion for, aside from from his anger at Shannon which is still about Chris.

Then we have the tsunami episodes. And Eddie was happy to show everyone the selfies Buck was sending. He didn’t even seem worried that Buck and Chris were out that day. He likely assumed they were at the movies but still. He trusted Buck. And after Cap said that Buck still has them even if he doesn’t know it Eddie has that look of like ohhhhhh. And boom. Christopher basically becomes Bucks therapy.

And after. That scene at the end of Searchers. Where Eddie tells Buck there’s no one is this world he trusts more with his son than Buck, that’s intense. That’s meaningful. Parents just don’t say that to anyone, friends included. He also said Buck loved Christopher enough to never stop trying. Also an important thing to note. And Buck needed to hear that. Buck needs verbal affirmations it seems. He needs to hear that Eddie and Chris are still going to be a part of his life. That Eddie doesn’t hate him. That Chris doesn’t hate him.

Now to this whole lawsuit non-sense. After the tsunami Buck was cut off from his team. Even Eddie and Chris it seemed. Chris was having nightmares but Eddie didn’t go to Buck for it. It didn’t seem like anyone came around Buck much. And then he comes to find out Lena has taken his locker, his place as Eddie’s field partner. They taped over his name. Eddie is clearly spending time with her. It was all too much for Buck after the loss of no one coming around and he did something stupid. He filed the lawsuit. All he wanted was to get back with his 118 family. Including Eddie and Chris. I think the thought of losing Eddie as his best friend hurt him the most. He didn’t mean to cut of ties with Chris. He never wanted to hurt his family, especially Chris. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. Like he hadn’t lost his family.

But he did act rashly. And Eddie took his rash decisions the hardest. Which came out at the grocery store. His whole speech was I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t reach out to you. It may have started with Chris misses you but it led to I need you why didn’t you consider that. It also made clear how much Buck means to Eddie. How much Eddie considers Buck a parental figure to Chris. The only other time Eddie got emotional was with Shannon. He felt betrayed when she left. When she left Chris. And it seems like Eddie had very similar feelings here. Like he and Buck had built this relationship and that relationship included Chris and then Buck just up and leaves. It’s like he stopped trying. If he loved Chris so much why would he have done this. To Eddie that felt like a Shannon betrayal all over again and he snapped. Which makes his grocery store outburst make so much more sense. And I think Chim was clearly picking up on just how intense this outburst from Eddie really was.

And It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Buck either but that was certainly part of it. Buck was obviously Eddie’s first choice to bail him out of jail. He said to Lena he couldn’t call the team, he couldn’t call Buck. He separated Buck from the team. Like Buck was more to him than just a colleague or work friend. That he can trust Buck when he can’t trust anyone else. Buck obviously means a lot to Eddie. He even looked ready to deck Buck before the car accident in the parking lot happened. And what happens next? Eddie goes and does illegal street fighting. And Buck? He looked crushed when he heard that Eddie and Chris are hurting. I bet that’s exactly why he gave up on the lawsuit. He didn’t want millions. He wanted his family. He was wondering where Eddie was at the rage room. Just wait until Buck finds out about that. I have a feeling he will be the one to pull Eddie back from this spiral that he’s on.

Updates:

First thing I’d like to add into this is how the directors/writers add in these very…romantic tropey things with Buck and Eddie. Like how they set up shots for example. During Eddie’s ceremony when he’s finally like not a probationary firefighter and Chris is walking his helmet up the aisle and they have in frame: Eddie’s Abuela, Christopher coming up the middle, and Buck. And let’s take a min to look at Buck’s face as he sees Chris walking to his dad. It’s the face you’d expect a proud mom to have. But anyway. The fact they put Buck and Eddie’s Abuela in the same shot like that seems intentional and seems meaningful. Because Chris and his Abuela are two very important people to Eddie. And they have now included Buck into that moment. Giving us the impression Buck is as important to Eddie as his son (well almost, No One will be more important than Chris to Eddie but you know what I mean) and his Abuela.

Also, During Buck’s welcome back party we see Cap push Eddie, who was looking already ready to pounce, right to Buck to get the first hug. Everyone else waits while Eddie gets to greet his best friend first. And give him a very  not bro-like hug. This kind of setup is also something we normally see with romantic partners. The love interest being the first to greet or hug or whatever.

Then we have that shot when Buck finally confronts Eddie for ghosting him when he comes back to the station. When they are standing apart Buck to the left Eddie to the right. It’s a very couple dynamic cinematography. Then after all is said and done, Eddie is still lying to Buck. He won’t meet Buck’s eyes. Like he knows if he makes eye contact Buck will push to find out what Eddie’s been secretly up to. And he knows he’d probably tell him. He tends to do that with Buck. He didn’t exactly want to talk about his relationship with Shannon when they took Chris to see Santa but it happened anyway. He talks to Buck. And Eddie currently doesn’t want to talk.

Next we have Buck and Eddie having dinner together at Bucks place with Christopher. We never see Eddie having dinner or hanging out like that with the other fire fam. Maybe as a group sometimes but never alone. And Eddie, once again, seems perfectly comfortable in Bucks place. we’ve seen he has a key when he showed up to get Buck out of bed pre-tsunami. And now we see him taking plates to the sink like he’s done that a million times before. He didn’t need to ask Buck what he wanted him to do.

And then we have that conversation in the kitchen. While Eddie does seem to have forgiven Buck, for real this time, Buck can’t seem to forgive himself. He apologizes for like the hundredth time. And Eddie is honestly shocked. He thought Buck knew things were good. But to Buck things weren’t. He still felt awful. He never meant to hurt his basically family like that. I think this is an interesting parallel here back to Shannon. She wanted Eddie to forgive her but she never really apologized. Not really. Eddie said he CAN forgive her. But wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He said he forgave Buck. No can, no maybe words. I think a lot of that has to do with their approach’s. Buck went out of his way to show Eddie he was sorry. He verbally said it multiple times. Eddie saw his remorse. He saw how much Buck was hurting just by the thought of hurting him and Christopher. That’s why Eddie thought they were past it. And why Buck didn’t. Buck seems pretty insecure with the people in his life. Like if they don’t tell him straight out what’s up he will worry. I don’t think Eddie’s the only one who feels like he’s not enough. I think Bucks love language thingy would be words of affirmation. He needed to hear Eddie tell him they were past it. To see Eddie really had forgiven him. And once they do get past it they are back to their weird flirty but not flirty thing they do. ([i](I mean did we all see Buck saunter over to Eddie with hands on his belt telling him he could take him?? Like that was a flirty way to say that,  Buck))

And I think it says a lot that Eddie says his kind of therapy is just being with Buck and Chris. Buck does seem to be a grounding point for Eddie. Saying that out loud to Buck I think was important too because like I mentioned above Buck needs to hear things. Hearing that tells Buck that Eddie loves spending time with him. With his son. Basically like it’s his ideal day. It makes him happy.

And then we have the Christmas episode. Eddie invites Hen and Denny over to  build gingerbread houses with Chris. But he also invites Buck. Hen points that out. All three of the boys. Buck, Chris, and Denny. Eddie knows how much Buck means to Chris. But I also think on some level he’s moral support for Eddie since he just told Hen that Chris was mad at him or upset really because he had to work on Christmas. And then Chris asks, His Buck, if he can spend Christmas with him. Like if he can’t have his dad he can have his Buck. Which is saying something right there. He knew he was going to be with his Abuela and his aunt but he still asked Buck. Buck obviously has a special place in Chris’s life for him to feel that way. To ask that kind of question knowing the alternative choice. But of course they both work and Eddie and Buck look heartbroken when Buck has to tell that to Chris. Let’s not overlook the face Eddie makes when he watches them make the gingerbread houses. Eddie looks so…happy when he looks over to Buck helping the kids. He doesn’t really look at other people that way.

Then at the station during the dinner, Buck is sitting next to Chris. Or more like Chris gets to sit next to both his dad and his Buck. They group Buck with the Diaz family a lot during this part. When Buck gives Chris his gift, it’s Chris, Buck, Eddie, and his Abuela off to the side. During dinner they sit like a family. During the fire fam photo Buck stands next to Eddie and the Diaz clan. When they return to the station to find all their family there the look on Bucks face is pure joy as he sees Eddie see Chris. And as he watched Eddie rush to Chris. Buck to doesn’t really make that face for other people. He made a similar face when Chris walked Eddie’s helmet up to Eddie after his probation status was up.

The writers and directors are intentionally making Buck look like part of Eddie’s family. They started this in season two but it’s increased since then. The way they film the shots, the way they write the dialogue, and the way the actors act the parts all add up to a very romantic/family centered relationship.

[c]It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 11 of season 3. So they start off giving us an odd look between Buck and Eddie on being asked if they are single. Was that necessary? Why did they look at each other? Are they setting up a not single scenario? In all honesty I feel like it’s too late to give us a love interest for either of them this far into a season for it to be a serious love interest.

Then we have Maddie scolding Buck for not bringing a gift to Eddie’s house. He didn’t need Maddie to “save him from himself”. Buck knows when to bring gifts, he’s done so at least twice before. Like with Bobby and Athena’s Christmas thing he brought like wine and eggnog. So he didn’t bring a gift because he was being forgetful or rude he did it because he doesn’t feel like a guest in Eddie’s house. Because Eddie has made him feel this way. Eddie wants him to feel that way. So when he says this is Eddie’s house, he’s not really a guest, both he and Eddie mean that.

Eddie also gives Buck and Chris that really soft but huge smile he only gives them while Buck was playing with Chris on the couch with Albert. And Buck hovers next to Albert and Chris as everyone is getting dinner, like he needs to supervise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

Yes, Eddie does flirt with that teacher. But Eddie is still human and the pretty girl kinda flirted with him. And sometimes there is a “mistake” relationship before the real romance happens. Many late season love interests don’t end up staying on tv shows. They are a stepping stone almost. If she does stay at all or more like if they continue to pursue this or if Eddie leaves it. Who knows where they were going with this, it could be a thing or it could end at flirting. Although I do fail to see how they could possibly build to something as good and developed with a new love interest as they have with Buck and Eddie. The foundation has basically been built for them already and they would literally have to start from the ground up with someone new to make this any sort of believable. Not just some nice, cute, woman thrown into either of their lives.    

Eddie did apologize to her but some of the things she said make me wonder if they are hinting to Eddie’s future Buck feelings. Like her whole “There’s also some value in learning that… you don’t like horses.” Could that mean she picked up on something Eddie hasn’t? Or foreshadowing? Writers do dirty tricks like that. And I’d personally like to believe they wouldn’t set up Eddie with someone we the audience haven’t had anytime to get to know. He’s not that kind of guy from what we know. He’s had like one relationship. And even when he was separated (before she died) from Shannon he didn’t date?? So why would he just jump into something with this teacher whom we and he know nothing about??

Buck’s teasing Eddie while they got that woman unstuck from a window also seemed a little jealous maybe? Not to say he’s jealous Eddie has a date and he doesn’t but jealous he’s not the date even if Buck doesn’t totally realize that’s why he’s jealous. A stretch perhaps but why did he need to bring it up right then. Plus Eddie looked like “hey, I didn’t tell you that to mock me” kind of face. Like shocked Buck said that. And if Bobby’s face was anything to go by that was something he only had told Buck about because Bobby looked very shocked and confused, and clearly knew nothing of that situation Eddie had gotten himself in. Buck blurting that out seemed a little...out of place, is all I’m saying. Was he maybe a little relieved he may never talk to her again outside of school necessities? But Eddie apologizes anyway soo... 

And we can’t forget about the poker game at Maddie’s and how Buck was not at all offended that he would get set up with a man but that his sister said she wouldn’t do that to Josh. Plus I think Buck isn’t really looking to date. I know he said all those things but since when has Buck ever had trouble getting a date if he wanted to. I was getting the vibe that Buck just isn’t actively looking. That he’s kind of ok with where he’s at right now.  

We also can’t ignore how Eddie clearly vents to Buck. Not only about Chris but his terrible flirting and snippy behavior. And Buck also puts things into a better perspective for Eddie. He doesn’t just offer up some weak moral support, he offers actual constructive advice. He trusts Buck. Yes, that comes with being his best friend but when you pair that with all the other romantic subtext you get that close bond that Eddie likely isn’t going to get with someone else. (Cute English teacher I’m looking at you). And he also trusts Buck with Chris. He trusts Buck’s advice even though he’s not a parent himself. More than he trusts anyone else according to Eddie. And they are at Buck’s place. Alone. No Chris? That was clearly a hangout so Eddie could vent and talk out his feelings. Plus Buck uses baseball as a stepping stone for his point. He knows Eddie likes it. And they only just brought baseball up last episode. But we know Buck pays attention to small details. Did Buck actually read that book in the hospital? Or did he research people who were different but found ways to succeed before Eddie came over? Also, Eddie knew who the player was so he probably knew some of the details of his interesting story. But he let Buck explain.  

And ok. When Eddie is talking to Chris he tells him things he told Buck in regards to Chris. He told his son to never stop trying. He told Buck he knows he loves Chris enough to never stop trying. He also tells Chris that next time he wants to try something they will try it together. And that just happens to also mean with Buck. That was likely Buck’s idea, just like with Carla, and Christmas. Buck doesn’t hesitate with Chris, if he can do something for him he’s going to get it done. He puts so much effort into being there for Chris, for making sure Chris is ok, he already loves Eddie’s son so much and the tsunami only bonded them more.

And the most heartwarming scene of the episode? Eddie and Buck surprising Chris with the special skateboard while Carla films the whole thing. They way Eddie and Buck look while they both spend time with Chris is just so domestic and comfortable and sweet. They feel like a family. They look like a family. They act like a family. Buck and Eddie are so in sync with each other. They only look at each other that way. Eddie’s flirty eyes are still different than the “heart” eyes he gives to Buck and his son. It’s a look so far that is exclusively reserved for them.

There’s also a lot of this parallel of it being pointed out that Buck is single but then they cut to him, Eddie, and Chris as a family unit. Maddie and Chim seem to think they don’t have a kid but oh they have Buck, but Buck has been coparenting with Eddie for a while now and knows more about raising a kid than Maddie or Chim.

And the episode title, Fools, leaves a lot of questions too. The episode Eddie happens to flirt happens to be titled fools? The fools were not limited to the calls they received. Our fire fam is not immune.

Now on to Eddie Begins. Let’s start with the big moment. With Buck breaking down when the rig collapsed trapping Eddie. He screamed his name, began to try digging for Eddie, has to be pulled away by Bobby where he breaks down and cries. And then everyone, Bobby, Hen, Chim, and I assume a guy (who works with those digging rigs?) has to reassure him that no, no one thinks Eddie is dead. And that no one has given up. Buck even suggest to dig by hand. It was the same level of panic he had when he was separated from Chris during the tsunami. When Maddie was missing. It’s his, my family is in danger panic.

Now I know Buck would be worried about anyone he cares about. But he’s never been that overwhelmed with emotion for anyone except Maddie. Someone he finds especially close and dear to him. He hasn’t responded that way to the others the way he responds to Eddie. It’s like the thought of losing Eddie truly broke him.

And then when Eddie is losing consciousness he thinks about Chris, Buck, and the fire fam. But there’s a lot of moments he brings back that are just him Buck and Chris. That relationship with Buck and Chris is important to him. And the look of pure relief and joy on Bucks face when Eddie is okay, is that look he reserves for Chris.

We also had Buck looking at Eddie with the same level of anticipation of his answer to Chris asking him to be part of his show and tell that Chris had. And his level of comfort with Eddie just coming right up like he’s part of that family. And he just takes Eddie’s medal like no big deal. And Eddie let him.

And how they set up the scene where Eddie reunited with the team very much reminds me of when Buck was trying to tell Eddie he lost Chris in the tsunami and then Chris shows up behind him. Everyone was trying to keep Buck calm, make plan to find Eddie, and then there he is. They start with buck’s face. Show his emotion as he realizes Eddie’s not dead. Then we see Buck, and the others rush to him. As buck supports Eddie, we see the look of relief on his face. The look of joy/love at Eddie being ok.

Also, Buck asks the same questions as a nine year old. Just a fun fact not sure what to do with that yet.

[c]The One That Got Away

Let’s just start with Eddie’s sass when Buck says he wants to do something reckless.

I would like to point out how out of character it was for Buck to not go to Eddie’s for Chris’s sleepover. Eddie invited him outright. Even after he declined and everyone else had date night Buck could have showed up at Eddie’s. I understand that they wanted Buck alone at the bar to point out how alone Buck feels but I think they should have picked a different excuse for Eddie. And maybe this is showcasing Buck doesn’t feel like he’s part of Eddie’s “people” but Eddie clearly thinks of him as his people or he wouldn’t have invited him to his plans. Plus, Chris loves Buck so much. He was who he wanted to spend Christmas with when his dad had to work.

And can we talk about how Buck looks pointedly at Eddie when they talk about not losing touch as a fire fam. Buck’s eyes go straight back to Eddie. Every time he says that won’t happen to us or it better not. It’s once again a subtle point to how important they are to each other.

I guess this episode does point out that Buck has self esteem issues. That even when being blatantly offering an open door Buck doesn’t feel like he’s welcome. But that could all change with a simple conversation. A simple talk with Eddie. And hell it could start with Eddie telling Buck he understands what it’s like to be left behind. Shannon left him. Without warning. He knows. They could talk. It would honestly probably be good for both of them. Buck obviously has a big heart and what he did for Red was sweet. But he also took it too seriously as that’s his future but that’s simple not the case and someone seriously who isn’t Maddie, and probably Eddie, needs to tell him so.

This episode opened the door for Abby’s return and I honestly hope it brings us closure for Buck so he can move on. So he can maybe have that talk with Eddie. So Eddie and Buck can heal together.

The finale parts of season 3.

There are two finale eps this season. The first part isn’t too Buck or Eddie focused but we have a few moments we can talk about.

First up is the moment in the fire truck as Buck is giving hot air ballon facts and when Eddie asks where he heard that from and asks Maddie, then Buck goes no someone else. I was a bit surprised at his reluctance to tell Eddie. Eddie is the only person there who doesn’t know Abby personally. He only knows what Buck or the team has told him. He has no first hand bias. It felt like he doesn’t want Eddie to perhaps judge him or pick up on he’s still got some hang ups when it comes to Abby. But Eddie is his best friend and relationships are certainly something they talk about with each other and not the rest of the team. Eddie in particular. Not to mention Eddie’s suspicious eyebrows. He probably knew exactly who Buck was avoiding talking about.

And then we have the scene with Hen and Karen and Hen saying she doesn’t want to invite tons of people for the “dinner” with Chim because of cost. Well if Hen brings Karen, Chim brings Maddie, Maddie invites Buck (probably out sibling loyalty), Buck invites Eddie. And then Bobby and Athena have to get invited. This was set up in such a way that couples were grouped together with the exception of Maddie and Buck but she has that sister love of inclusion thing with him. That’s more subtext. More tropes.

Now part two. The first big interaction with Buck and Eddie would be when Eddie is bringing up summer camp with the fire fam. Eddie doesn’t seem too worried about letting him go but Buck seems to have all kinds of concerns. None of the others voiced any concerns or challenges Eddie’s decision to let him go. But Buck does. Acting more like an overprotective parent than a friend. And when he says what if he gets homesick felt like it had two meanings, much like when Eddie said/yelled at Buck in the grocery store. For Eddie when he yelled Chris misses you, there was an undertone of, I miss you. For Buck, what if he gets homesick, felt like what if I miss him? The added snark of sounds like child labor adds to that feeling. Like he’s just trying to find fault with this summer camp idea. Of course Buck wants Chris to have a good time but I think his worrying goes a bit deeper than seeing Chris as his best friends kid even if he doesn’t realize it. And of course we have another frustrated Bobby eye roll at Buck’s words. Like he knows Buck is being ridiculous but isn’t going to actually tell him so and that he probably sees it what Buck doesn’t. The looks Bobby has been giving Buck and Eddie this season have been wonderful overall, just saying.

Then when have when Eddie and Abby and talking and Buck shows up. Eddie notices the change in Buck’s demeanor. And his shocked face throughout the encounter is priceless. And after they rescue Sam, Eddie asks Buck if he is ok. He gives him the chance to tell Eddie he’s not ok by asking him directly which Eddie doesn’t do too often. His concern for Buck is obvious but he doesn’t push. He is trusting Buck for the time being that he will at least be ok enough to work and maybe Eddie understands better than anyone that focusing on the job is what he needs at that moment.

Next we have Buck wanting to do something reckless to save both Abby’s fiancé and the other person. Buck is adamant and fighting with Bobby. That’s normal. Buck challenges Bobby quite a bit when it comes to reckless decisions. What is unusual in this case is Eddie stepping in. Yelling at Buck to stop. He says this as Buck brings up the fire truck that crushed his leg. Almost like that was too much for Eddie. He had to watch that happen to Buck and was there when the truck came off him. He doesn’t want to risk his partners life. Normally Eddie is the one to jump into reckless situations with him but this time he didn’t, he tried to talk Buck down and out of the idea. Obviously that didn’t work. And Eddie doesn’t raise his voice often. Shannon and Buck are really the only people he has yelled at. He didn’t even really yell at Chris’s teacher, it was a sort of raised voice and he was angry but he didn’t outright yell. I think that means something or speaks to the level of closeness Buck and Eddie share. That the only two people he ever yells at are his son’s mother and Buck. The show puts a lot of parallels between Buck and Shannon and that can’t be for nothing.

And then May’s party. Not only was it adorable, it was very Buddie subtext heavy. First let’s talk about how each couple was shown taking pics together and then Buck and Eddie. They are, once again, paired like a couple. Taking many goofy photos with each other and then with Chris. Buck even taking many solo pictures with Christopher. No one else does that. Buck also seems to be helping Eddie keep an eye on Chris. They were even standing next to each other during the beginning of the party. He’s the one who helps him write a message for May. While keeping a general eye on other people’s kids is ok Buck goes above and beyond for Chris. More than what friends typically do. I would need to see more evidence one way or the other but Chris also says love Christopher in cards addressed to both Buck and Eddie and I wonder if Chris would do that for the other members of the fire fam or just Buck. They really played up Buck and Eddie and Chris being a family at the end of this episode.

Season 4

Alone Together

The only really note worthy moment to happen was Buck talking to his therapist about telling people how he really feels. That could mean a lot of things, like maybe stop people pleasing all the time or actually tell people when he’s feeling something that’s not happy things. Or it could mean having a talk with someone with an adorable son about feelings you may have that are totally not platonic.

Future Tense

We get our first real Buddie moments of season 4 in future tense. Specifically with Buck and Chris pranking Eddie. Eddie did always strike me the type to be a slight technophobe so it was hilarious. But back to the Buddie.

When Chris and Buck are playing video games and Eddie says “we’re taking an internet break” only for Chris to ask to go play games at Buck’s place, forcing Buck to look at Eddie. Eddie gives him that crossed arms you better have my back look. And Buck obviously compiles. It’s very good cop/bad cop parenting dynamics if I’ve ever saw them. It’s also very domestic. Like a couple where one is sorta still new to the whole parenting and rules thing. Much like Bobby was with Athena’s kids at first. He didn’t want to be the bad guy right away and usually deferred to Athena. That’s kind of where Buck and Eddie are at and they aren’t even a (canon) couple.

Then we have the actual prank. When Eddie opens the box with the coffee maker. Chris is right away on the phone with Buck. So either Buck is on speed dial or Chris knows his number. Either way that’s important. If Eddie has him on speed dial, and Chris knows the speed dial number, it only emphasizes how important Buck is in their lives. If Chris knows the number that’s also telling on his importance as most kids don’t memorize phone numbers easily, and only memorize important ones.

And final point of this episode, is the look on Buck’s face after Eddie hangs up. It’s the same look we have seen Buck make after talking with Abby, the first real love he’s had. That can’t be totally a coincidence that Buck makes that face with Eddie then? Why was it necessary to make that same face that seems to only be with someone he has feelings for previously?

The Crossover with Lone Star

First thing, both Eddie and Buck seemed a little disappointed it wasn’t going to just be them for the Texas trip. Then Buck seemed rather jealous when Eddie wasn’t going to be with him in the field. And seemed rather ruffled that Eddie didn’t seem to share his distress.

It also seemed weird that Eddie and Marjan were so almost flirty? Eddie doesn’t flirt well even when he’s trying. I wondered if he bonded with her so much, insta following, the selfie, and all, to get her to follow Buck back. He subtly hyped Buck multiple times, telling her he’s not so bad and that he helped with Chris’s skateboard.

Then we have TK assuming Buck was flirting with him, Buck looking confused but not immediately reacting negatively, and Eddie showing up right after. Nothing is an accident in film. Eddie showing up is either a subtle nod to future stuff or continuing the aid of the Buddie Baiting. Plus why was that scene even necessary at all? Having TK think Buck is flirting is a deliberate scene. Yes it does add to TK’s story by finally admitting he and Carlos are serious, but they didn’t need Buck to do that. And if it’s more Buddie Baiting it’s dumb but if it’s not then it’s another way to slowly build up to Buck and/or Eddie coming to terms with not being straight and having feelings.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. Like you can have male friendships without romantic subtext. Like Jake and Charles from Brooklyn 99 or Shawn and Gus from Psych or JD and Turk from Scrubs. No one ships these friends seriously because there is no romantic subtext or tropes.

If this is just slow burn, like say Booth and Bones were on Bones then fine. I get it. All these little moments were just part of the build up and that’s fine. Booth and Bones took like six seasons before they became a couple. And they dated other people while still having those underlying feelings for each other. I would be ok if this is the route Buddie is taking.

However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.  

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happiness. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.  

If you have made it this far...

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk and we will see you again once season four airs for more!!

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Twenty Two

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen, Part Fifteen, Part Sixteen, Part Seventeen, Part Eighteen, Part Nineteen, Part Twenty, Part Twenty One...

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 3.1k+

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, stuff... I’m so tried my brain can’t function.

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor

This Part: Lena and Emma share their news with Eliza and the sisters discuss if they are really ready to see their baby sister.

So sorry for the delay. A lot of stuff has been happening over the past few weeks and my heart is just really heavy at the moment. But keep calm, carry on and enjoy the ride... Right? Hoping the next part will be soon as I’m actually looking forward to it. The long wait is almost over. Almost. Maybe... Let’s see what tomorrow brings... If my brain functions...

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated. Please! I like knowing your thoughts.

Taglist: @finleyfray, @life-is-hella-unfair, @natasha-danvers, @supergirl-writingz, @camslightstories, @thinking1bee, @aznblossom,

Gif by the awesome @missmaclay​

​

Emma is wrapped up in Lena’s arms as they watch a Friends episode. Well, they were trying to watch it but Emma keeps turning her head to gaze lovingly up at her girlfriend. Smiling and enjoying the feelings of happiness within her before focusing back on the tv.

The girlfriends had made out for some time after Lena asked Emma to move in with her. Until the pair were broken up by Lena’s phone ringing out, causing the raven haired beauty to groan deeply and rest her head on Emma’s shoulder. Her groan increased in volume when Emma moved off of her lap to allow Lena to get to the phone in her bag.

Emma had watched Lena pace back and forth while discussing the headache of an issue that has risen from the negotiations with Japan. Instinctively Lena wanted to rush back to L-Corp to sort out the problem immediately. But when the raven haired turned around to pace to the other side of the room her eyes met her girlfriend’s and Emma gave her a reassuring smile, indicating it was okay if she left. However Lena made the choice to stay and ended the call soon after. Stating she would deal with it first thing in the morning.

Finally getting back onto the bed and pulling Emma into her arms while voice commanding the tv to resume their favorite show.

Once settled, Emma snuggles her head further into Lena’s arm, placing a gentle kiss on the skin there. Warmth fills the CEO as she glances down and returns the kiss by placing one on the blonde’s head. Emma lets out a puff of air, like a sigh of content, and smiles into her girlfriend’s arm.

They watch a few more episodes before Lena lets out a big yawn that makes her body tense and shake.

Emma twists her head to watch her girlfriend and suddenly her mouth opens wide too with a yawn. Afterwards she sits up and studies the tired raven haired beauty.

“Aw someone is sleepy.” Emma signs and smirks when Lena blinks and shakes her head. “Love I can see how exhausted you are.”

“I’m okay.” Lena says but immediately yawns, causing Emma to yawn again too. She lightly pushes Lena’s shoulder and the pair laugh, Emma’s letting out spurts of heavy breaths of air as her diaphragm moves sharply.

The blonde then lifts an eyebrow up at her girlfriend. “As much as I love you being here, don’t you need to go home and sleep? Especially with the day you are going to have tomorrow?” Emma tilts her head to the side and gives Lena a questioning look.

“Are you sure love?” Lena asks as she intwines their fingers. The blonde nods, leaning in to kiss Lena’s lips softly.

“Keep doing that and I won’t want to leave.” Lena says with a deep moan, pressing their foreheads together.

A knock on the door pulls them apart and Eliza walks in.

“Oh sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Eliza keeps her hand on the door handle and looks ready to quickly back away.

Lena smiles and pauses the show. “It’s okay.” She says to the older blonde and feels Emma squeeze her hand to get her attention. Lena focuses back on Emma and watches her sign.

“Can you tell Mom our news?” Emma grins happily, bouncing on the bed excitedly and repeatedly glances at both her Mom and girlfriend. Causing her Mom to arch an eyebrow at her daughter.

“Eliza, please come in, we have something to share with you.” Lena says a bit hesitant. Realising she hadn’t asked Emma’s Moms opinion, which Lena greatly values.

“Alright.” Eliza gently closes the door behind her and makes her way over to the bed, sitting on the edge and waits expectantly.

“I-er-well-” Lena mentally slaps herself, fear of Eliza’s disapproval starts overwhelming her. Until Emma reaches out and holds her hand. Grounding the raven haired beauty. Lena swallows and clears her throat. “As Lucy may have told you Emma will be discharged soon and I-” Lena trails off for a moment. “I asked Emma to move in with me.”

Lena can’t help but whisper the last bit. Internally eye rolling at herself. ‘A Luthor must never show their fear, or any emotion that gives them away.’ Lillian’s voice echoes coldly in her ears.

That’s until Eliza’s face lights up with a beaming smile. “That’s wonderful news!” The older blonde claps and reaches out, engulfing the two women in a group hug. The Danvers matriarch pulls back, grasping both Emma and Lena’s hands before focusing on her daughter. “I’m guessing you said yes?”

Emma nods quickly and matches her Mom’s smile.

“That’s wonderful sweetheart. I was thinking what would happen when you’d leave here but I needn’t have worried.”

Relief fills Lena, until she quickly lifts a hand to her mouth and yawns. Emma turns her head to hide her yawning as well. No matter who yawns Emma can’t help but yawn as well. “Sorry.” Lena sincerely apologises.

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Eliza searches Lena’s fatigued eyes. “Looks like you need to head to bed.”

The CEO nods and squeezes Eliza’s hand before cupping Emma’s face and kissing her goodnight. “See you tomorrow love. Sleep well.”

Lena gracefully slides off the bed, slipping her feet into her heels. Almost moaning out in pain as her feet loudly protest.

“Goodnight sweetheart.” Eliza kisses Emma’s forehead and hugs her daughter close. She watches as Lena quietly slips out of the room and Eliza quickly gets up to follow. She gently closes the door behind her, watching Emma briefly through the glass as she immediately grabs her notebook, flicking through the pages and starts writing. Eliza recognises Emma’s expression and knew her daughter was writing something for a song.

Taking her eyes off her daughter Eliza turns to locate Lena down the corridor and spots her quickly heading towards the elevator. “Lena.” she calls and hastily goes after her daughter’s girlfriend.

Lena screeches to a halt. ‘Oh no, she disapproves.’ Lena thinks and feels her hands starting to get clammy. Slowly she turns to Eliza who chuckles at her expression.

“Don’t look so worried.” The older blonde tries to reassure the other woman. “I just wanted to see how you are after our last conversation.” Lena feels herself relax slightly at Eliza’s words, but her tension is still present, not allowing herself to fully let down her guard. “So, what I want to ask is, how are you?” Eliza kindly asks.

“I’m fine.” Lena answers automatically but Eliza gives her a knowing look.

“Really?” The older blonde states before taking a deep breath. “Look Lena, I know you struggle opening up to people. It’s not hard to imagine what life was like for you growing up in the Luthor household. But you don’t have to hide how you’re feeling. Really, truly feeling.”

Lena’s eyes widen slightly as she feels the tears build and her throat getting tight with emotion. She quickly lowers her eyes to hide it. Until Eliza places a hand gently on her shoulder.

“Lena, look at me.”

Glistening green eyes slowly lift back up.

“As I have said before, you are practically family and whenever you need me, whatever time it is, call me.” Eliza tenderly wipes a tear from the raven haired woman’s face.

Lean swallows to try and relieve the tightness in her throat. “I will.” Her phone buzzes in her bag and she quickly pulls it out. “My driver is here, do you need a lift to where you are staying?”

“No thank you, I’m going to work a little bit longer on the samples.” Eliza answers and they walk to the elevator. Eliza hopes her daughter’s girlfriend has heard what she said and taken it on board.

-- -- --

Alex breathes out quickly as she extends her arms, pushing herself up from the ground before slowly lowering herself back down again.

Kara lowers her book and stares at her redheaded sister from the bed. “Alex?” The blonde asks with concern, causing Alex to pause and lift her head up at her. “You’ve been working out for hours.”

“And?” Alex huffs out as she continues her push ups.

“And you should be winding down for bed.” Kara crosses her arms at her sister’s attitude.

“Can’t.” The redhead grits out. Her arms and shoulders are screaming from the strain. But she stubbornly pushes through.

“Why?”

Alex pauses slightly before continuing her push ups. “When I stop- doing something- my thoughts just get-” Her voice dwindles. Not wanting to say it out loud.

“They get really loud.” Kara finishes for her and Alex nods, jutting her jaw out. “Then, maybe you need to speak them out. To stop them overwhelming you.” The blonde repeats what Doctor Jackson had told her the other day in their therapy session when Kara had been tight lipped about how she was feeling.

“Yes Doctor Danvers.” Alex quips back, standing and grabbing a bottle of water from the table. Her eyes find the painting Emma had done earlier of Kara and Alex. Sam had placed it into the container and Kara eagly took it out to study it.

Alex eyebrows knit together as she looks down at herself. Knowing it had unsettled her seeing how Emma had captured both the carefree laughter but also the tears from her earlier confession about her impending break up with Kelly.

More than anything Alex wants to jump into the painting and get back to that moment. To stop Kara and herself going into the trap later that day that ruined everything.

Alex leans heavily against the table, her shoulders slumping forward. She is desperate to see Emma. To hold her and apologise over and over for the words she said. For hurting her mentally and physically. But her fear was holding her back.

“I’m scared too.” Kara’s voice whispers softly next to her. Sensing Alex’s distress and taking in her defeated posture.

“Are we strong enough?” Alex murmurs so quietly only Kara could have heard her.

“I don’t know.” Kara wraps her arms around her sister. “But I know we have to try. For Emma.”

Alex nods, her face distorts and the tears she had been trying to hold back start breaking free.

“Let it out. Emma once told me that you get sick if you hold it all in.”

Alex lets out a wet laugh. “Yea I remember. Wasn’t she ten?”

“A very wise ten year old.” Kara agrees, leading Alex over to their joined beds and sitting down. “But you are deflecting.” She gently strokes Alex’s cheek.

“I should have protected her.” A vein pulses in Alex’s forehead as she tries to hold back her building sobs. Her eyes squint and her face distorts.  “She’s a part of my heart. You both are. And I should- I should have protected her.”

“Me too. But it was out of our control.” Kara gulps out as her eyes well up with tears.

Alex rocks as the building pain inside her starts becoming overwhelming. The redhead lifts her fingers and pinches the bridge of her nose, signaling her distress.

Kara gently reaches out and takes her sister’s hand. “Let it go Alex.” Kara whispers softly, carefully squeezing the redhead’s hand.

Finally Alex lets out an anguished cry, her heart clenching in pain and Kara pulls her into a hug. Letting her own tears fall and their sobs echo around the cell.

-- -- --

Time stands still Beauty in all she is I will be brave I will not let anything take away What’s standing in front of me Every breath Every hour has come to this

One step clos-

Emma pauses her writing. She frowns at why she suddenly feels anxious. It’s been happening on and off since she woke up. Random moments where her heart would clench and she just wants to sob. The blonde stares at the love song she had been writing.

A Thousand Years

Was neatly written on the top of the page. But Emma quickly places the pen on the page and puts it down beside her. She jumps off the bed and starts pacing her room. Her frown deepens as she tries to figure out why she suddenly feels so restless.

Grabbing her new phone Emma opens her messages to her girlfriend.

Emma: Hi love, just checking you got home okay?

She sighs in relief when the three dots appear.

Lena: Yes I just got in.

Emma: Awesome, I hope tomorrow goes well. Sleep well!

Lena: You too. I love you ❤️

Emma: Love you too 😘

Emma throws her phone onto the bed and continues pacing. Placing her hands on her hips and lowering her head as she tries to identify the source of her sudden anxiety.

A loud, frantic knock halts her movements and she quickly turns to the door.

“Em? What’s wrong?” Lucy enters with a frown, having seen the agitated Emma through the glass in the door.

Emma runs a hand through her hair before shrugging.

“You don’t know?” Lucy tries to guess from Emma’s body movements.

Emma shakes her head in confirmation.

“Well, do you wanna write about it? Maybe we can figure it out?”

Emma grabs her notebook and makes her way over to the sofa, crossing her legs and leaning against the arm. Lucy follows her and copies her friend.

‘Lena asked me to move in, but I don’t think it’s that.’ Emma holds up the pad and Lucy smiles that Lena found the courage to ask Emma.

“What was your answer?”

Emma does a small smile and nods.

Lucy does a little squeal and claps happily, causing Emma’s smile to widen. “Are you worried about it?” Lucy tilts her head as she asks and Emma shakes her head. “Okay, keep writing.”

‘Are Alex and Kara okay?’

“Yea they seemed to be when I left them earlier. Said they were gonna think about seeing you soon and that they love you too.”

Emma's eyes light up at the news. She had heard it from Lena but having Lucy tell her as well gives her more hope.

But her smile fades and she looks down to write her next question. ‘Any news from Doctor Sloan?’

Lucy takes in a deep breath and Emma watches her carefully. “Yes there is actually.”

Emma fidgets slightly. Crossing her fingers under her notepad.

“He’s been researching and looking over the pictures he took. He would like Doctor Hamilton to take some more photos in a few weeks and would then consider operating after that from a few weeks to a month.”

Emma’s eyebrows shoot up into her hairline and hurriedly writes.

‘That’s quick.’

“Well, this hasn’t really been natural has it?”

‘Guess not.’

Emma leans back into the corner of the sofa as she ponders what Lucy has told her.

“Emma?” The brunette watches her friend’s face. The contemplation etched there. “Emma?” Lucy tries again and barely bloodshot eyes connect with her.

Emma doesn’t move for a moment. Her heart beats anxiously inside her. Slowly she lifts her pen and writes. ‘Do you think it will work?’

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Lucy swallows and keeps her eye contact with her friend. “I wish I could say, one hundred percent, that it would work. But with anything like this, there are always risks involved.”

Emma nods sadly, placing her elbow on the top of the sofa and resting her head in her hand. She picks up the pen with her left hand and starts writing.

“You're ambidextrous?” Lucy asks in fascination and Emma shakes her head, writing her answer after her question. Drawing an arrow to signal to Lucy to read her response first.

She holds up the pad with her left hand. Keeping her head rested in her right. Lucy blinks at the difference in handwriting. Still very neat but not as curvy.

‘I broke my right arm when I was a teen. This was before laptops became a regular thing, so I taught myself how to write left handed.’

“Make sense.” Lucy mutters before her eyes lift to Emma’s earlier question.

‘What would you do?’

“I can’t pretend to know what you are going through.” Lucy plays with her fingers. She had tried to imagine how she would feel if her sister Lois had attacked her and took something precious from her. However, it was impossible. “If it was me? I’d go for it.”

Emma clicks the pen a few times and twirls it between her fingers as she ponders Lucy’s words.

‘Everything has a risk.’ Emma thinks as she reflects her friend’s words back.

“What is your gut saying?” Lucy interrupts Emma’s thoughts.

The blonde bites her lip and she takes a deep breath. She clicks the pen and starts writing.

‘Mainly to go for it but part of me is hesitant. Like what if it doesn’t work? Would it damage everything further?’

“That’s something you would need to ask Doctor Sloan.” Lucy answers while she fiddles with a loose thread on the sofa cushion. “But whatever you decide I will be with you all the way.”

Emma lifts the corner of her mouth and reaches out to take Lucy’s hand.

“Has that helped?”

It had a little bit but Emma knew it wasn’t the issue she was trying to deal with. But Emma nods anyway after realising how late it was getting and not wanting to take up anymore of Lucy’s time.

“Great! Shall I send Doctor Sloan an email and we can get the ball rolling?”

Emma swallows and feels her heart start to pound. Suddenly the room flickers and the blonde blinks to clear her vision.

“Em?” Lucy notices how anxious her friend has become again. The grip around her hand tightens and Lucy squeezes back before Emma lets go and rubs her eyes. “Tired?”

Emma nods before writing. ‘Yes to emailing Doctor Sloan. Can you give him my email?’

“Er… I may have to give you a new email to correspond with him. We got alerts that someone tried to hack into your accounts.”

Emma suddenly straightens up, her eyes flashing with anger. Immediately feeling violated at the attempt.

“Don’t worry, Brainy and Winn have placed the maximum security around them.” Lucy tries to reassure the blonde, who takes a deep intake of breath and lets it out slowly. “Is there anything else?” Lucy searches Emma’s eyes.

Emma shakes her head.

“Alright. I’ll leave you to rest.” Lucy opens her arms and Emma shuffles forward to hug her. Emma rests her head on her friend’s shoulder and imagines Alex or Kara hugging her. But it isn’t the same. They pull apart and Emma watches the brunette leave. 

Slowly Emma stands and heads towards the window. The blonde crosses her arms and takes a few deep breaths. Trying to search for the answer of an unknown question. Her mind goes back to her sisters. Emma looks up at the barely there stars due to the light pollution. She focuses on the brightest and hopes more than anything that Alex and Kara are okay and prays she will get to see them soon.

(Part Twenty Three)

[thinking1bee]

Protected Part 2

Requested by Anonymous

Pairings: Lena Luthor x Reader

Tags: Violence, Injuries, Fluff, Humor, Wanting

Thirty-eight. That’s how many hits were put on Lena since the press conference. That had been a month ago and since then it had been thirty…eight...hits. Your shoulder was still tender from taking the bullet for her prior and you had barely cleared the hospital before someone made, yet, another attempt on her life.

You had just got done beating someone unconscious when the fatigue hit you hard. You slowly sank to the floor, lying on your back with your limbs spread eagle, and one arm draped across your face as sweat dripped down your body. Everything was starting to take its toll on you, and your body was littered with old and new wounds. You had a cut in your eyebrow and a busted lip. Every time you inhaled, there was a weird throbbing in your ribs. Your leg was all jacked up. Your knuckles were bloodied and raw, and as you flexed your hand you could feel the joints crack painfully. In simple terms, a bitch needed to lie down. Lena watched the scuffle from the corner of the room, inspecting you with worry once her assailant was dealt with.

“How do you manage to get anything done with your head on the executioner’s block?” you wheezed, completely out of breath. She was about to answer when you interrupted her.

“Sorry but follow up question. How come so many people want you dead???”

Not to be a complete wimp, but you were on the verge of actual tears. This month bent you over and made you it’s bitch. And it didn’t even have the decency to buy you dinner first. And feasibly, you knew that you couldn’t put a price on someone’s life, but your insurance was one more injury claim away from kicking you off entirely.

Lena nibbled her teeth as she contemplated whether or not to tell you the truth. “To be fair, most of these were from my mother…”

That made you bolt upright, despite the dizzying head rush you felt and the intense throb from your chest.

“YOUR MOTHER???” you screeched, your voice going several octaves higher. Lena nodded meekly, her expression a grimace.

Lena was already use to this. It would be weirder if her mother didn’t send someone to kill her. It had become such a normal part of her routine, that it completely slipped her mind to tell you. Even after the first 37 times someone was sent after her, it still never occurred to Lena to say something.

You groaned as you wiped you hands down your face. You didn’t care that you were smudging blood all over, and at this point, you didn’t even know who it belonged to.

“This is more than what you bargained for, huh?” Lena asked and even though you weren’t looking at her, you could hear how sad she sounded.

“No! No, it’s not that,” you said quickly though she still looked skeptical. “It’s just that, it sounds like most of this needs to be settled in family therapy.”

Lena laughed, her face instantly lighting up at your joke and you smiled.

“How can I help Y/n?”

You stood to your feet, slightly limping due to the injury on your leg.

“In all seriousness Lena, is there someplace we can lay low? For just 24 hours?”

Lena thought about it before she smiled. “I do know of a place but J’onn won’t be too happy.

***

Lena took you to the DEO and if your jaw could’ve hit the floor, it would have. You had absolutely no idea that Lena had connections like this, though she frequently worked with Supergirl. So, maybe it should have been easy to put two and two together. You were met with curious stares from the agents, and it looked like no one was going to question you being here until a quizzical guy with slicked back, black hair and curious brown eyes piped up.

“Who is she?” he asked. It wasn’t rude, and the question was well deserved considering you were deep in a government base, but it still made you defensive as all the attention was now diverted to you.

“Brainy, this is my bodyguard, Y/n.”

You offered a small wave which he returned with a nod of his head. Then he furrowed his eyebrows together as he held his hands behind his back.

“Lena, do you realize that your companion requires medical assistance?”

This was news to you and you’re wondering how the hell he knew that. As far as you knew cuts and bruises didn’t warrant a doctor’s visit. Though you were about to refuse, Lena responded before you got the chance.

“I know. I need to find Alex.”

The man nodded before pointing his chin down the hall.

“She’s in the infirmary.”

Lena led you down the aforementioned hallway and when you turned the corner, you see a red-haired woman with a stethoscope treating the one and only Supergirl.

“Lena?” the blue-eyed heroine asked in surprise. The redhead was about to greet her as well when her eyes caught up to you.

“What is she doing here?”

You wanted to roll your eyes. You’d already been through this and you were about to say it when pain exploded in your chest. Tears came to your eyes as you gripped your sides, feeling like someone was sawing off your ribs off with a butter knife. Before anyone had the chance to do or say anything, you were falling forward. You’re surprised when you didn’t hit the ground. Strong hands held you up and you found yourself staring into the red insignia of Supergirl’s suit.

“Alex, she needs help please. I’ll explain later.”

“Alright, Supergirl,” Alex said, acquiescing to Lena while giving Supergirl the okay to look you over.

Her brown eyebrows furrowed in concentration and you realized that she was using her x-ray vision on you. She frowned before she immediately picked up and placed you gently on a bed.

“She has several fractured ribs and a sprain in her ankle. All of the cuts are superficial but the healing bullet hole in her shoulder may need to be looked at again. Also, her knuckles need to be iced badly.”  

Lena’s mouth fell open wide. “Y/n how did you not notice any of this???”

“To be fair, everything hurts all over,” you groaned with a smile playing at your lips.

Lena smiled and watched as Alex inserted a needle into the crook of your arm. Lena rested her hand onto your forehead, being extra careful to not agitate your wounds further. You sighed into her warm touch. It was like an anchor in a sea of agony, and you couldn’t help but lean into her more.

“I’ll see you on the other side,” Lena murmured just before you fell into a peaceful sleep.

***

As Alex got to work on wrapping you up in gauze, Lena volunteered to clean and dress your open wounds. While she wasn’t a doctor, she did learn a thing or two just from hanging out with the super friends. She was gingerly cleaning your lip when Kara came up to her and nudged her shoulder with her own.

“Hey.”

Lena smiled at her and then focused on her task at hand. “Hey.”

“You should ask her out.”

Lena froze, her face briefly morphing from fear to a neutral expression. If it had been anybody else, they would have missed it, but Kara saw it as clear as day.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lena may have said the sentence with nonchalance, but her heart was racing. Kara smiled softly, her blue eyes bright and understanding as she looked over your sleeping form.

“You’re allowed to get close to someone, Lena. And she is pretty cute.”

That much Lena had to concede to. Alex had to undress you to get to your ribs, and it gave Lena an eyeful of the muscles that adorned your body. She loved your sarcastic nature and loved how funny you were even when you were beating someone senseless. She wanted to ask you out, but there was a small problem with her family. Kara watched as Lena’s fond smile turned somber and she sighed as she stopped her ministrations on you.

“Kara, she’s in here because of me,” Lena whispered, her voice breaking at the statement.

“Actually, correction. She’s in here because of your mother.”

Lena just shrugged. Whoever got blamed, it still didn’t negate the fact that you’re unconscious in a hospital bed and her involvement was how you got there.

“Everyone comes with their own baggage. I’m an alien from Krypton, Brainy’s from the future, J’onn is a Martian, you come from a homicidal family. Life goes on.”

Lena smiled as she caressed your bruised cheek and proceeded to clean up the used medical supplies.

“Just think about it okay? I see the way you look at each other. There’s something there.”

Kara didn’t give Lena the chance to respond. She turned on her heel and left her alone with you. Lena continued to look at your sleeping form and realized that, inadvertently, Kara told her that she could see that you must feel the same way about her.

***

Kara saw Brainy and Nia inside the control room. She heard tidbits of their conversation and as she got closer, she thought about asking Nia about something.

“I think Ms. Luthor has more than a crush on her bodyguard, especially since she’s willing to face the wrath of J’onn once he finds out that she brought her here,” Brainy said.

Nia smiled and waved to Kara as she got closer.

“Nia, can I ask you something?” Kara asked as she crossed her arms and got closer to them.

Nia nodded, already knowing what she was about to ask.

“Lena and her friend?” she asked, and Kara nodded. “It’ll take some time, but they will get there.”