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redhairedwolfwitch · 2 years ago

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Sacrifices in Avoidance of Heartbreak - Leila Ouahabi x Reader

A/n: so i wanted to post a Leila fic on Leila's birthday but I ran out of time so it's a belated post... oops.

///

Leaving Barcelona wasn’t something you wanted to do, but you felt like you had to. Your teammates and friends, including your best friend were under the assumption that your contract was ending and you could not get a renewal organised with Barcelona. So you left after Barcelona won the Champions League, following Vicky to Manchester, but instead of going to City, you went to United. A choice that confused everyone, but Ona was happy to have you, the defender eventually finding out the real reason that you left Barcelona one night when you were missing Spain a little too much.

You’d only spent a few seasons at the Spanish club, but you fell in love with Barcelona, and your best friend at that club. But she would never love you back, and hearing about Leila being with someone else was enough for it to feel like your heart was being ripped out of your chest. So, you left, to avoid that heartbreak.

The problem is, avoidance behaviours do not solve the issues going on. The dwindling contact with your former teammates was concerning, and whilst they could see you were okay from your social media and WSL games, you missed Leila, your Barcelona teammates and Spain. The Mancunian weather was a lot to adjust to, and you drove to preserve your Spanish skills, plus it entertained Ona with conversations in Spanish that confused the rest of the team, minus Ivana.

United ended up fourth in the WSL in your first season, and whilst Ona spent her off-season heading back to Spain, your avoidance kicked in, determined to avoid the heartbreak you were still feeling a year later.

It was ridiculous, and you knew it, but you couldn’t handle seeing Leila and knowing you would never be good enough for her to look at you as more than a friend. Your self-sabotage having most likely wrecked the friendships you had with your Barcelona teammates.

“It is always weird when players leave.” Patri reminisced, reflecting on how many players were leaving Barcelona this summer, Leila included.

“They always have a reason, but they will always mean something to us. Contracts or not.” Alexia tried to comfort her teammates, but the group were slowly losing the happiness that the Spanish sun gave them earlier, sunbathing forgotten as Ona made a noise, her eyes closed but also hidden by sunglasses as she spoke.

“Not everyone leaves because of contracts. Y/n came to United to escape heartbreak.”

“Heartbreak? Who broke their heart?” Mapi frowned, sitting up and exchanging looks with Leila, who had no idea of what Ona was talking about.

“Hmm, Y/n was in love with Leila, I think they still are, but left instead of telling her…” Ona trailed off as she opened her eyes, realising Leila was staring at the ground, playing with her fingers.

“Ona…” Alexia murmured, wondering whether Ona even meant to disclose this information, but it was too late.

“Wait, you guys did not know?”

“Do they know Leila is going to Manchester City?”

Leila did not hear the response however, her mind drifting to the last few times she had seen you before you left Barcelona.

You’d been drifting away for a little while, being less touchy and affectionate, leaving rooms early and talking less when teaming up with Leila during practice.

There had always been something that had bothered the defender though, the way you held onto her longer than you held onto anyone else during your goodbye hugs, how your tears seemed to be caused by a deeper reason than leaving Barcelona, especially after something Leila had heard you say before.

You adored Spain, and would not leave unless you had no other choice, even admitting you’d love to settle somewhere there one day, after football. So to find out that you left the place you were in love with, because you fell in love with her, and she was just finding out now? It had been a year, and Ona admitted you were still in love with her?

“What was Y/n like?” Ingrid enquired to Mapi, having been silent for a majority of what was said, since she had never really met you, with the season Ingrid arrived being after you left during the summer.

“The sweetest person…” Leila murmured, getting out her phone to do who knows what, halfway between pressing your contact and calling you when an instagram notification caught her eye. A photo of you offering the camera a peony wasn’t something she expected, but the caption made her smile nonetheless.

‘roses are cliche, so i bought peonies’

“The sweetest?” Ingrid smiled, a knowing look on her face that left Mapi confused, but Leila was busy commenting an emoji on your instagram post.

“Sweet, unselfish, prefers to assist rather than score.”

“That was with Barcelona. With United, they score.” Ona countered Alexia’s point, leaving the midfielder to raise an eyebrow.

Leila’s focus drifted again as she opened her messages, finding her last message to you had been left on read, until the familiar speech bubble appeared. The Spaniard watched as one message finally came through.

‘Te echo de menos.’

You missed Leila. That was all she needed to know as a plan formed in her head for when she left to move to Manchester for the next two seasons.

///

You didn’t mean to hit send on that message, telling Leila you missed her. No doubt she would want to catch up when she arrived in Manchester now. Was that so bad, you asked yourself.

However, there was a slight issue, your still existent feelings for the Spanish defender, feelings that only a chosen few knew about because you were scared and insecure. Scared you’d be judged for leaving a top club because you fell in love, but insecure because you thought that you were not good enough for Leila.

Choosing to ignore your phone for the time being, you began to arrange the peonies you had bought, locating a vase and a spoonful of sugar to help the peonies last longer.

///

Your avoidance meant that after the euros, you didn’t hang out with your teammates outside of the training facility during pre-season. You wouldn’t admit it, not to Ona, not to anyone, but you were afraid Leila would be there. Seeing her again, after all this time… your feelings weren’t gone, your heart ached for her but she had no reason to love you back.

What you were doing wasn’t healthy, but you also uprooted your life from where you were happy in Spain and moved everything to England, and now Leila is here in Manchester too, reminding you of that pain in your chest every time you think of her.

You sacrificed your happiness to try to heal from heartbreak, or avoid it, but you sacrificed your happiness and broke your own heart leaving Leila and Spain behind.

You thought you had ruined everything as you fiddled with the paper straw in your cup, staring through the cloudy plastic lid to watch the ice cubes swirl around in your drink. An elbow in your side left you grimacing, about to elbow Millie back when she gestured to the scoreboard. You were next up to bowl.

Getting up to select the bowling ball you needed, you went to bowl, grinning and throwing your arms in the air when the ball didn’t go into the gutters and actually hit the pins.

You could hear laughter from your United teammates but you didn’t care, until you realised it wasn’t just your United teammates at the bowling alley. Your face fell, and you could feel how the goosebumps ran over your skin, stomach churning and heart fluttering. Some of Manchester City had joined, at the bowling lane next to where you and your United teammates were located.

Ona approached you, holding her bowling ball to bowl next but she paused, spotting the look on your face, and realising who you were looking at. She was yet to spot you, but Leila was in your close proximity for the first time in months.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t feel well. Could you bring my stuff to the toilets please? I’m going to go there then head home.” You explained, barely getting a concerned nod from the Spaniard before you were hurrying to the toilets, not realising that your speed walking caught another Spaniard’s attention.

Staring into the mirror in the toilets after exiting the cubicle, you grimaced as you realised you were sweating, your heart rate not calming down even after splashing water on your face and trying to focus on your breathing.

“I have your things.” Ona announced as she walked into the toilets, holding out your bag to you after you dried your hands with the hand dryer.

“Gracias, Ona. I will see you tomorrow, hopefully…” you swallowed nervously, fiddling with your keys in your hand as you headed towards the door, opening it only to freeze.

Leila smiled softly, but her face fell as you all but scurried away and out of the bowling alley in general, disappearing into the car park and out of sight.

“They hate me.”

“They love you, but think you would not love them.” Ona replied, sending you a text asking for you to tell her when you were home safely, before taking Leila back to the bowling lanes, explaining that you had felt unwell and gone home, so someone else would take over your turns to bowl.

///

It kept Leila up at night, the look on your face, the pain in your eyes that you didn’t realise she could see. Pain and tears. She found out from Ona that you got home safely, and it was only through persuasion and reminding Ona that she was the reason Leila knew of your feelings that Ona gave her your address, but warned her that if things went south, she would leave you alone.

Leila knew your schedule from when the two of you were at Barcelona, she knew how you functioned before and after training, and before and after games. After anything, you’d shower, make food then fall asleep watching something either in bed or on your couch unless you’d been invited out, in which you’d shower, eat out somewhere or eat before heading out, and crash in your bed after.

Life got busy for a few days, but once Leila had the chance, and she knew you were home, she decided to take the chance and go talk to you. Maybe it was invasive, going to your home after getting the address from Ona, you’d probably kill the young Spaniard but you and Ona had almost a sibling relationship after all this time. You’d get your own back at Ona somehow.

It took longer than expected to find where you lived, tempted to call someone for help since google maps’ directions weren’t the most helpful, but eventually Leila’s hand hovered over the door before spotting the doorbell. A doorbell that she wasn’t sure worked, until the door opened, revealing you wearing an apron over your pyjamas.

You froze the moment the doorbell rang, putting down the wooden spoon and turning down the hob before hurrying over to the door, forgetting to look out the window to check who it was.

“Leila! What, what are you doing here?” Your voice shook slightly, hand tightening on the door handle as the temptation to slam the door in your crush’s face crept into your mind, but you didn’t do it. Instead you let Leila in, leaving her in the hallway as you hurried back to the kitchen to stop your dinner from sticking to the pan.

“Why are you here, Leila?” Your voice thick with sadness, Leila hesitated as she stood at the counter next to you, observing you stirring what she assumed was what you were making for your dinner.

You didn’t hear what Leila said at first, turning your head as she repeated it, but you just hummed, you missed talking in Spanish. You spoke in Spanish to Ona a lot, but the rest of your teammates usually looked confused after.

“We need to talk about what? It’s been months, I don’t see how we have much to talk about-” the wooden spoon fell from your hand into the pot, your fingers clinging to Leila’s zip up hoodie as she pulled you into a hug. She didn’t hold onto you tightly, expecting you to push her away, but your body betrayed you as you leaned into Leila, your face buried in her shoulder as you moved your arms to hug her back.

Only pulling away when your timer went off, signifying that your dinner was done, you couldn’t look Leila in the eye. Your focus stayed with your dinner and trying to get it served whilst still warm, and not make a mess in the process.

“I know why you left Barcelona.”

You hummed, gently tilting the pot to pour your dinner into the bowl you had out, hoping not to spill it but Leila’s lack of subtlety took you by surprise.

“You left because you are in love with me.”

Leila’s eyes widened at the clattering noise of the pot hitting the rim of the bowl, hurrying forwards to help you before you split your dinner on the counter.

“Who, who told you that?” Your lack of denial left Leila’s eyes softening, deciding to try not to get Ona in even more trouble by saying it was the younger Spaniard that told Leila and the others during the off-season.

Shaking her head, Leila sighed, “you left without telling me, you thought I did not love you back?”

Staring at the steam rising from the bowl of food, you let out a sigh in return of Leila’s sigh.

“Sí.”

Leila looked up from where she had been looking at the floor, realising what you had said, what you had finally admitted after leaving Spain so many months ago without really talking to Leila again.

“Idiota.”

“Excuse me?” Raising an eyebrow, you turned to the Spanish defender.

“Idiota.”

“Why am I an idiot? For sacrificing my love of Spain to protect myself against the heartbreak of falling in love with my best friend and her not feeling the same way.” You deadpanned, about to fold your arms but Leila reached out, her hands on your hips.

“Because she feels the same way, idiota.”

“She, you, you what?” You spluttered but Leila shook her head, pulling you towards her so you were within almost kissing distance.

“Te amo, idiota.”

“Yo también te amo, Leila.” Biting your lip, your gaze rested on Leila’s lips, returning to her eyes as she smirked, leaning forwards so her lips met yours, your hands on her shoulders to steady yourself. Dinner going cold and forgotten on the counter.

/// hopefully some accurate translations ///

Te echo de menos - i miss you

Gracias - thank you

Sí - yes

Idiota - idiot

Te amo - i love you

Yo también te amo - i love you too

#woso x reader #leila ouahabi x reader #woso imagine #leila ouahabi imagine #woso imagines #barcelona femeni x reader #then it's actually manchester united!R x manchester city!leila but that's too complicated to put in a tag lbr #leila ouahabi imagines

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