#legitimately think we may not survive

[silverlininghills]

[arolesbianism]

Doodle I did of my girl Juliet earlier

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

My thoughts about the Trump assassination attempt

After having a few hours to process this whole thing and see reactions from across the political spectrum, I'm having some thoughts and some feelings.

First off, as I said earlier, Trump is a fucking boss. Take anyone who ran for president in the last 20 years, put them in that exact situation, and I don't think a single one responds by raising his fist and snarling in defiance and righteous anger. They run. They cry. They keep their heads down and the first statement you h ear from them is hours later filtered through 20 different speech writers. Today proved to me that, whatever else he may be, Trump is a genuine bad ass. He's exactly the person I want at the end of a sword pointed the United States. Because he's going to have a sword of his own pointed right back, and he's not going to run and hide when it comes time to use it.

Second, the modern left is full of monsters. The amount of people screaming and crying because this assassination attempt failed actually sickens me. It's one thing to have fantasies about easy solutions to the things that scare you. Hell, I'm not innocent. I've thought about how much better things might be if this politician was no longer around or this activist group got axed. But one of the things I did today was think about how I would feel if the assassin succeeded. And then I thought about how I'd feel if someone took a shot at Biden and he didn't survive. Neither thought gave me any good feelings. Obviously I'd be more upset if Trump died, but today showed me that I don't want us to start down the path of shooting political leaders. But too many people on the left, people who should know better, at least enough to hide their true feelings, have no problem publicly wishing Trump was dead right now. That assassinating presidential candidates was a legitimate tactic--but only against the politicians they don't like, of course.

Fuck that.

Fuck them.

America is better than that. Americans are better than that. We're not some third world shithole like Mexico. We're the greatest country in the world. We're the last bastion of representative government. The last place in the world where freedom exists. And it's time we started acting like it.

Third, I ain't got no time for conspiracy theories. Sorry guys, but this wasn't staged and this wasn't a CIA hitman. Unless real, hard evidence comes out otherwise, you won't ever get me to believe any of the nonsense I've seen floated around. Don't be so lost in the true things the media has dismissed as "conspiracy theories" that you immediately jump to the most conspiratorial explanations first for everything that happens. It's lame and cringe and a lot of people I've seen seriously putting these theories forward should know better. I know we're in our emotions right now, but keep your heads.

Fourth, my heart breaks for the families of the people who were hit with the bullets meant for President Trump. But that's the kind of evil we're facing. Whoever did this decided that the idea of a Trump presidency was so awful that they were okay with shooting innocent people just to stop him. And this is after he was already president and none of the things the media is fear mongering about happened during his first term. Those people just wanted to see a man speak. To have some hope for the future. And some piece of shit shot them because he didn't like a presidential candidate. Or worse, because the TV made him scared.

Fifth, fuck the media. You think you hate them enough, but you don't. The media is the driving force behind our enemies, and there's no such thing as a good journopig. They're all lying propagandists. We just like some of them because their propaganda occasionally hits on the truth.

And that's all I got. None of this is organized, none of this is proofread. These are just the thoughts I've been wrestling with for the past few hours. This is the only place I can get them all down without being interrupted or feeling like I need to censor myself. Do with them what you will.

[absolutechaosss]

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how elves are shown to handle grief and trauma and how that relates to Mithruns character.

The Canaries care for Mithrun is mostly well intentioned. They legitimately like him! But it is also kind of terrible at times? Most of their care is focused on the Bare Minimum that keeps him alive and his care and comfort isn't really considered because well...to them, he's not capable of understanding it anymore.

We know this because Kabru is assigned as his care taker and Lycion comments that his hair is shinier. This means even in the stressful survival situation of the dungeon with Kabrus terrible cooking and scavenged meals, he is physically healthier than he was with the canaries.

I think it's relevant Kabru was the one to care for Mithrun this way and the one eventually realize he can be capable of new desire because Kabru is intimately familiar with how elves treat trauma. Not only was he a traumatized child but I think the most important parallel here is actually Rin.

If you haven't read her section in the Adventurers Bible, Rin is also a sole survivor of a tragic event and was taken into elven custody. She is catatonic and deeply deeply traumatized. And the elves handle it *terribly*. She's treated as goods or as an animal and she's shown to be unresponsive and not able to speak. Her recovery is directly linked to her meeting Kabru when he's brought in to help her.

Rin and Mithrun are opposites in elven society. Rin is barely a person, Mithrun isn't only an elf, but a prestigious and wealthy one. But both are survivors of horrific circumstances that hurt their ability to care for themselves and perform daily activities. And for both, it's pretty clear that it was assumed that this would become their fixed state, one where care and gentleness was pointless, because they had lost the faculties to process it.

Anyway I guess I wonder if years later when Kabru hears Mithruns story and how his condition is incurable and thus denies him personhood he thought of his. I wonder how much more quickly Mithrun may have been able to adapt to his circumstances if he wasn't told he was "broken". To me at least, Mithrun was always able to react to new things and adapt, but if everyone in the world is acting like you're basically dead and unable to ever do anything than be a weapon again yeah why wouldn't you assume that. No, I don't think Mithrun will ever be back to his former self and have all his desires back but he is able to carve out space for himself so quickly with Kabru, compared to his extensive and leas effective initial recovery with the elves. Perhaps this too is an area where their lifespans hinder them as they assume 20 years is a totally normal recovery period so why would they need to try more.

[c-is-for-circinate]

It feels like there's this narrative that fandom keeps wanting to explore, with Steve Harrington, about this very specific type of martyrdom where self-sacrifice is an expression of a lack of self-worth. And, like, yes, write the narrative that's meaningful to you, and yes ok Steve does admittedly get beaten up a lot, but -- legitimately I do not think this narrative is actually Steve's story.

Like, without gendering things too much, there is something in the Steve fanon that I keep seeing that's so reflective of the specific kind of sacrifice and societal pressures exerted on girls, specifically -- this story of 'you make yourself worthy and worthwhile by carving pieces out of yourself', of believing that you must always give and never receive to justify the space you take up in the world. Yes, boys can experience this same pressure (and obviously trans and nb people of all genders run into it as well! sometimes a lot!), but especially in the mid-1980s cultural context where Stranger Things takes place, it's just...really not likely to be a dominant narrative for Steve to be operating under? It doesn't even really match the Steve we see on screen -- who is happy to make sacrifices for the sake of others, yeah, when needed, but who's not particularly kind or giving unless somebody asks first.

And Steve does get hurt a lot on other people's behalf! And this is a problem! It's just a completely different problem than the one fandom keeps writing.

Steve, and I'm going to say this forever, is a story about toxic masculinity, which the show may or may not even know it's writing. The archetypes influencing Steve's character as it shows up on the screen (and the stories and messages that Steve would actually be surrounded by in his actual life) are not deconstructions of suffering heroes who never should have had to fight in the first place and were destroyed by it. That's the Buffy the Vampire Slayer story. Steve's not Buffy. Steve's cultural context is Indiana Jones.

Steve is The Guy! And part of being The Guy is that you're expected to take the hits -- not because Steve is less important than the women-and-children he's supposed to protect, but because, the story says, he will get less hurt. Why should Steve get in between Billy and Lucas? Because Steve is an eighteen-year-old athlete and Lucas is in middle school, and of the two of them, Steve actually stands a chance. (And yes, Steve got badly hurt there, and Max had to save him -- but if Lucas, if Max had taken that beating they would not have been running through those tunnels later.) Was somebody else better-qualified to dive down to the uncertain bottom of a cold lake in the middle of the night? Steve doesn't list his credentials there as a way of justifying some ideal of martyrdom; he is literally the most likely person on the boat not to drown.

And make no mistake: when Steve's pulled into the Upside-Down, he survives the bats long enough for backup to get there. Realistic or not, he's apparently tough enough that he's physically capable of hiking barefoot through hell without much slowing down. Steve is the tank for the same reason as any tank: because he literally has been shown to have the most hit points in the group. You cannot honestly engage with Steve in this context without dealing with the fact that he's right.

AND THIS IS A PROBLEM! This is still a problem! But it's not the same problem that fandom seems to expect. It's not an expression of caretaking or the need for self-sacrifice; it's not an issue with Steve valuing himself less. It's an issue of toxic masculinity so ingrained that Steve doesn't even recognize he's suffering from it, because one of the tenets of toxic masculinity is that Big Strong Guys don't suffer. It's just a concussion, it's fine, he'll walk it off. It's not that Steve thinks he deserves to get hurt, or even that he's less deserving of safety than the others. It's that absolutely nothing in his cultural context allows him to admit that he can be hurt in a significant way.

There's still so much tension that can be gotten out of this situation, I swear. There's so much that can be explored in writing! Hell, the show itself is deconstructing some of this trope, believe it or not, by giving us a Steve who absolutely can take all the hits thrown his direction but still doesn't know what the fuck he's doing with his life. It turns out that doing his job as The Guy is only mildly helpful in horror movie situations (mostly by buying time for smarter, squishier people to do the damage from behind him), and somewhere a little worse than useless in everyday life.

But Steve does not go out of his way to self-sacrifice, he really doesn't. He just does his job. He's The Guy. Of course he's not going to let a kid or a girl or some scared skinny nerd who just learned about monsters yesterday take the hits. Of course Steve's got this.

[dog-park-dissidents]

i don't know what to do

First of all, stay alive.

Second of all, be fucking obnoxious. Do not let this unqueer you. Hiding and moderating didn't do shit so go absolutely feral. They think you shouldn't even exist? Fuck it, fisting is SFW now and rotate through a new unpronounceable neopronoun every time someone even slightly misgenders you. They want you to fucking die so live each day like it's your last and stop giving a shit.

Third of all, STAY ALIVE, DO NOT ACTUALLY DIE, specifically do not do it to yourself, ever. You will be okay. And if they want to murder you let them do it with their own shitty little hands, not yours.

Anyway. Take a deep breath and realize that we don't know how bad things are actually going to get. These people are terrifying but they are NOT smart. They have spent the past four years brooding and scheming and making it look like they were coming up with some kind of evil master plan that will actually be effective christofascism this time, but they're still monstrously incompetent. Everyone who was present during the first Trump regime who actually knew how to run anything at all has defected and left. True, they were also the people telling this fuckin nutcase not to nuke North Korea, but that is a level of apocalypse completely beyond any of our control like the fuckin sun exploding randomly, and always has been. Barring random armageddon, it is entirely possible these losers will trip over their own shoelaces trying to actually legislate you out of existence.

Honestly their first priority is probably blowing up the entire economy by putting tariffs on China and closing the border with Mexico. The price of eggs and smartphones are about to get ridiculous, a lot of people are going to lose their jobs, and all of this is going to suck but it very well may suck so much that they'll just forget to ban HRT.

Keep in mind the incoherence of what happened on election night. Trump won and so did a bunch of red state abortion protections. The first trans person made it into Congress. The people voting for the Leopards Eating Faces Party also voted for minimum wage increases, so when the leopards start actually eating their faces it's not going to go over very well. This is probably less America's Hitler and more America's Brexit, where life is going to get noticeably shittier and everyone who voted for it is going to be very shocked and confused about why everything is shittier, but we also won't all die.

Whatever happens it is not above your ability to survive. Hold your friends close. Connect to your local community. If you don't have a local community or you're legitimately stuck someplace where you're the only queer person, then it's okay to run away and never look back, but find yourself your friends, your chosen family. Stick by each other.

Our love will help us break through.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

I've given it some thought--

Now, if you've read any of my posts and you've read 430, you know there are a lot of ways it falls short of what I wanted. On the other hand, I can respect an open ending, one where we are allowed and encouraged to dream. All things considered, I'm not satisfied or disappointed, but a secret third thing... bear with me.

For a lot of storylines, I can fill in the blanks how I want.

I'm heartbroken over Himiko's fate, but there's no denying that the lack of camera footage leaves open the possibility of her simply disappearing. Perhaps she is waiting in hiding for the world to change, just like Lady Nagant.

Dr. Yoshida is described as someone who can cure the incurable. That may be referring to Katsuki, but the doctor himself said it's a complete mystery how he survived, all Katsuki's own doing. Maybe he cured someone else in those 8 years... someone like Touya?

Honestly I got nothing on Tenko but who knows. Who knows! Something something OFA connection. Izuku having vestige visions. Idk.

As for the manner in which society is changing, I'm drawn to Shouji's speech: "I'm dedicating the honor to those who joined the uprising eight years ago. All I've done is stand atop the resolve that they demonstrated to the world, nothing more." That at least tells me his earlier judgment of the other heteromorphs "setting them back" was a narrow point of view Shouji was supposed to grow out of, rather than a way of Horikoshi trying to criticize revolutionaries. In general, just because a character says something doesn't mean we're supposed to take it as gospel. That's lit crit 101, people.

Then there's Izuku. Once again I am feeling this pretty close to home. I keep coming back to the fact that the class is 24/25 now and I'm 25, man. On top of that, anyone else who was 14/15 ten years ago when the manga started gets to feel like we've all grown up together. I wanted catharsis for Izuku's trauma so badly. I wanted words. But I can't deny that the way Izuku is shown attempting to make the best of things and be content with a humbler life resonates with me, as painful as it is, as much as I know deep down he's kidding himself. It doesn't surprise me that he kept his walls up all this time and continued to shun his "selfishness."

I almost feel like there's an all-encompassing narrative theme being expressed here, in the fact that Izuku was trying to push past his pain and focus on the next generation, but surprise, his story's not over yet. I think the implied message there is that more can be done in the here and now, and maybe other stories that seem to be over, aren't.

With these things in mind, I can take the ending in stride, even if this is all the more we get from Horikoshi. However. There's one thing that is jolting me out of my peace every time I start to get comfortable here. It's actually related to the storyline that got the most closure.

I've seen a lot of fellow bkdk enjoyers calling their conclusion the best part of the ending, and I agree with that. They got a truly full circle moment, and a way of communicating to the reader that they're together, they have their forever, in a way that is personal to them. It's not "canon" in the way a kiss or a confession is, but I've said it before--this makes sense for them. And Horikoshi also did something legitimately interesting and groundbreaking by not making Ochako confess, not showing her future being tied to the main character as a love interest.

No, the thing that's bugging me is a seemingly small detail: why does Izuku and Katsuki holding hands at the end, of all things, have to be implied? Lots of things about 430 make sense in the context of the interview Horikoshi recently gave where he expressed being content with what he has drawn, and what he has left to the imagination. But not this. You can't convince me he didn't want to draw this. It's a motherfucking story about hands. This is the one thing I was 110% certain would happen. It's been teased for forever. Katsuki clearly wanted it so bad. So many other characters got to hold Izuku's hand in-frame. What the hell. Why.

Idk. I will be thinking about it for the foreseeable future.

[cerastes]

Something I’ve been thinking thanks to Babel is that you could make a banging game about the Babel period up until the end of the Reunion Arc in the style of Nobunaga’s Ambition, specifically more in the style of Ghiren’s Ambition, the Gundam spin-off.

Besides the obvious Grand Strategy element of managing your greater territory through a mix of generic squadrons and hero squadrons — Babel having Scout, Ascalon, Ace, and the other Elites, while the Military Commission has Ulsulah, Manfred, Scareye, and other such individuals — and the protection and seizing of supply lines and settlements, it’d also open the possibility for one of the signature features of the games: Alternate histories.

In Ghiren’s Ambition, you can try and replicate the canon events of the story perfectly, but you can also heavily derail the established canon for incredibly interesting alternate takes and outcomes. For example, in our hypothetical Theresis’s Ambition, assuming the scope is from the beginnings of Babel right up until the end of the Reunion Arc, we could explore possibilities such as:

The Sarkaz Royal Courts being spurred into action for either side. This instability, in turn, could spur foreign powers into action and taking a vested interest and side in the civil war, greatly expanding its scope.

The Leithanien invasion of Kazdel being a lot more successful, resulting in a far, far more unified Babel and Military Commission. This may in turn result in a far earlier, unified invasion of Victoria, or a far more emotionally charged civil war once the siblings’ differences become irreconcilable.

Amiya’s condition being a lot more stable, leading to Doctor, Amiya and Savage to actually push through with their plans to venture into Yan next. This could happen through either a lot of earlier medical advances, or by outright preventing the accident that gave Amiya oripathy in the first place, this obviously having major implications in the rest of the story.

Theresis early killing Doc when he has the chance. Likewise, lots of implications here.

Doctor not going through with their betrayal and keeping the Shipwide Defense Systems operational. This would have immense implications in the future of Kazdel as well. Furthermore, this could lead into an early Theresis kill.

Rhodes Island failing the operation to retrieve Doctor, and instead, they fall into Reunion hands. As they are a clean slate here, this could very well mean a Reunion-aligned Doctor.

Ursus seizing the Doctor, thus resulting in an Ursus-aligned Doctor. Probably one of the most nightmarish scenarios. Possibly as a result of Kal’tsit successfully pushing back against the notion to retrieve them from Chernobog in the first place.

Ch’en’s leaving Rhodes Island to dry in the Lungmen operation actually costing them that entire battle and Operator lives, subsequently breaking relations between the two factions.

The Chernobog operation in general having a different outcome depending on the level of preparedness and development you come into it with, such as an early Faust kill (Ascalon comes along and hard counters him, maybe?), the possibility to have Ace and Scout survive, the possibility of other R.I. Operators dying instead, the possibility of Reunion personnel/mercenaries dying or going a different route altogether (Ines legitimately dies, W caught early and thus needing to go back to R.I early).

FrostNova’s fateful death being averted, and successfully recruiting her into Rhodes Island.

Reunion!Doctor somehow resulting in events that successfully removes Kaschey from Talulah very early, wildly changing the direction Reunion takes and averting Mudrock and Big Bob’s defection as a consequence; this directly opens a route where Reunion and Rhodes Island can become allies, but it’d also be very difficult as these two reasonably sized powers joining forces might spur Lungmen/Yan or Ursus into deploying against them with absolute force.

The possibilities are so ample, I’d love this game.

[liketwoswansinbalance]

In the modern publishing landscape, these days, I think like we do not have many (if any) point-of-view characters with low social motivation for whatever reason.

Sure, there are lots of characters with social anxiety or other perceived or legitimate foibles to overcome, there are many YA villain origin stories, and there are many unpalatable, traditionally "unlikable" men in classics, but disregarding those, who else do we have?

Can the state of openly being alone (and content) rarely be presented as morally-neutral or as the end result of a narrative? Must it always be that either being alone is the starting point, so there's room for "personal growth," or that being alone is seen as "undesirable" and/or an indication that the person alone has a "problem" or something otherwise wrong with them, like a deficit or moral failing that in some kind of karmic way gives them "what they deserve," which is being alone and discontent with it?

Characters with society anxiety, any differences in communication, or other reasons that interfere with forging connections "don't count" because they may still be motivated. Traits such as these only stand in the way of gaining relationships, as plot obstacles. They aren't intrinsically tied to indifference or to low motivation. So, these characters clearly are not experiencing a lack of interest. And they are not the ones rejecting others. Thus, they "don't count" as far as the archetype that I'm looking for goes.

Characters who undergo villain arcs or otherwise negative arcs may want to maintain their relationships or gain them, so some examples are immediately disqualified (hence not having low social motivation), even if they are the type of character most likely to alienate themselves by a story's end, conflicting with what they wanted.

(Unfortunately, Coriolanus Snow, who is quite close to the type of protagonist I'm searching for "doesn't count" because he has some drive to keep people in his life.

Rafal Mistral partially "counts," and is satisfying as a character, but also doesn't count because he temporarily makes "friends" or allies, depending on how you look at his exploits. Yet, despite all this, not having friends isn't exactly framed as a morally-neutral state either, so he is also disqualified by the end. Basically, he does have low social motivation, but his narrative lacks the conditions that would make the natural consequences of that low motivation play out for themselves. He is always surrounded by people, even if he hates every last one of them.

And, generally speaking, the usual, moody-broody, "misunderstood" YA love-interests very easily "don't count" because they have a desire to get closer to their object of affection.

Even Katniss Everdeen, an overall good person, who usually views herself as "unlikable," befriends others, originally for pragmatic, survival purposes. However, she does start with low social motivation, so that's something in her favor.

And yes, I'm aware that we need other people in this world—I would just like to see someone prove that supposed truth wrong once. And perhaps succeed in their world, if that's not too much to ask for.)

Also, are there any instances of characters who progressively alienate themselves from others, in which that progression is not inherently seen as negative? Like, what about non-corrupt misanthropes? Are there few of those in literature? (Maybe—Eleanor Oliphant from literary fiction counts, but something about that book did not appeal me and I didn't finish it.)

Classics guys sort of "count," but I haven't really seen examples of any comparable protagonists today since many authors and readers write and look for "relatability" in blank slate everyman figures oftentimes.

(I'm not done with Crime and Punishment yet, but Raskolnikov is very tentatively looking like a safe bet for a character who may end up alone and who may not be completely malcontent over such a fate, even if I'm expecting tragedy. I'm that not far along, but I also wouldn't mind it too greatly if he died, I suppose.

And even Sherlock Holmes has Watson as his constant, even if he's notoriously asocial! So he "doesn't count" either.

Carol from Main Street also comes close, but still ultimately desires approval from others.

Maybe no one is truly immune to humanity and I should give up on this notion?)

How many pov characters out there are 1) apathetic toward the masses and 2a) either alienate themselves as the plot progresses or 2b) do not make any friends? (I will allow them making friends and consequently losing them though because that still ends in net zero!)

Indeed, this "gap" in protagonists I've been running into lately, especially with coming-of-age arcs and protagonists whose arc is some form of "getting out of their shell," is: why do we (almost?) never see protagonists who just flat-out don't progress in terms of connecting with fellow humans?

Wouldn't having even a handful of those types be reflective of reality? (We as a society are more disconnected than ever, to be fair, despite constantly having access to one another via technology.)

Or I would completely understand it, if it were narratively impractical to have a plot in which a protagonist makes zero friends. Maybe, it's a near-unwritable form for a story?

So, my question is: does anyone have book recommendations, which present a character whose end goal is not to make friends or forge connections (any other ambitions or motivations are fine) and whose state of being friendless both lasts and is regarded as morally-neutral or as not outright evil? Any genre is fine. High fantasy is preferable. I am stumped.

(I also wouldn't mind recommendations of books in which the protagonist is vilified due to being alone, even if that is not my primary query here.)

[tanadrin]

RE "revolutionary leftists are revolutionary because they know they can't win electorally."

It astounds me a little that there are leftists who think that a communist revolution is more likely to work than, like, fifty years of community-building and electoral politics. Sewer socialism, union activism, and other boring activities have brought much more success in the U.S. than agitation for a revolution.

What I mean is, setting aside the moral concerns (violence is bad, even when it's necessary, and if there are practical alternatives then we should pursue them), I am not a revolutionary leftist because I think we would lose a revolution. For one thing, there is a considerable right-wing element in the country that is much better prepared for this kind of thing, and I think that the majority of the institutions in the U.S. would pick fascism over communism if they had to choose, but also, prolonged violent action is ripe for breeding authoritarianism.

Goatse is concerned that "the party" might "abandon or neglect its primary ends," but what is leftism if it is not, at bottom, an attempt to improve the living conditions of all people, et cetera et cetera? To the extent that social democratic parties successfully pursue this end to some degree, they're better than than an ostensible communist party that talks the talk but commits human rights abuses. And, more than the fact that U.S. leftism has some pretty fierce opposition that would probably fare better if The Revolution happened tomorrow, I think that, even in winning, we would lose, because what came out the other end would look a lot more like Stalinism.

I think one thing the hardcore revolutionaries in OECD countries don't realize is that the reason they can't marshal support for their revolutions is that the socialists won most of the issues that were salient in the early 20th century--workers got more rights, better pay, unions were legalized, etc., etc. But it didn't take restructuring the whole political economy to do it, which is immensely frustrating if you believe that any society without your ideal political economy is inherently immoral and impure, so in order to justify an explicitly communist platform you have to rhetorically isolate it from the filthy libs and feckless demsocs who it turns out have been pretty effective within the arena of electoral politics in which supposedly nothing can ever get done, and treat them as of a piece with the out-and-out fascists and royalist autocrats of the 1920s and 30s.

Which, you know. Is not persuasive to most people! Most people understand intuitively the vast gulf between the SPD and the Nazis; they see that, milquetoast and compromising though they may be, the center-left can deliver substantive policy improvements without the upheaval of a civil war or political purges, and this is attractive to people who are not of a millenarian or left-authoritarian personality.

Which isn't to say that communists don't often make important points! It sucks having to fight a constant rearguard action against the interests of capital rolling back the social improvements of the 20th century, and it sucks that liberal governments in Europe and North America have historically been quite happy to bankroll and logistically support fascists and tyrants in the third world against communist movements (which invariably only exist as communist movements because these same fascists and tyrants have crushed more compromising movements and only the most militant organizations have managed to survive).

But I agree with you: communists also talk a big game about how liberalism is the real fascism (what's that line from Disco Elysium I see quoted everywhere about how everybody is secretly a fascist except the other communists, who are liberals?), while also being awful at democracy. Suppressing dissent because your small clique of political elites is the only legitimate expression of the people's will (which you know, because you have declared it to be so) really is some rank bullshit. A system with competitive elections is still, well, a system with competitive elections, even if those elections are structurally biased in certain ways; all the bloviating that attempts to justify communist authoritarianism cannot really obscure the fact that authoritarian systems are cruel and brittle, regardless of the ideology being served.

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

TOM GLYNN-CARNEY INTERVIEWED BY DECIDER MAGAZINE.

I THINK THE MOST WHOLESOME AEGON MOMENT EVER WAS WHEN SUNFYRE GREETED HIM BEFORE ROOK'S REST. KIND OF LIKE A DOG NUZZLING ITS OWNER. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE BOND BETWEEN AEGON AND HIS DRAGON AND WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM?

"I think you’ve just done it very well."

"I think it is like a dog and his owner."

"It was interesting."

"My dad was talking to me about how that scene was very touching and stuff."

And I was just like, 'You know what? You know what I felt when we did it on that day?'

"When the amazing puppeteers came over with the big, blue dragon head that would later be CGI-ed into Sunfyre."

"The way they were moving and breathing with this big piece of set was just like, it just reminded me of my dog, Ziggy."

"So, yeah, I fully leant into that and imagined it was him nuzzling me in the chest."

"And he’s sat with me right now, and that’s how it felt on the day."

"So, yeah, I’m glad that came across."

SUNFYRE IS CONSIDERED DEAD NOW IN THE STORY, BUT IN THE BOOKS, AT LEAST, A HUGE TURNING POINT FOR YOUR CHARACTER DOWN THE ROAD IS WHEN HE'S REUNITED WITH SUNFYRE. ARE YOU HOPEFUL THAT WILL INDEED PLAY OUT IN THE SHOW? AND WHAT DO YOU THINK A REUNION LIKE THAT COULD MEAN TO AEGON?

"Oh, we’ll see."

"Well, I’m not sure."

"I’m not sure."

"I mean, that’s not up to me either, is it?"

"But, yeah, that would be lovely."

"It would be lovely."

"I think it’s important for a dragonrider to have a dragon with them and have a companion in that sense."

"Yeah, there’s just that sort of extra connection, that sort of deeper connection that you have with your dragon, in the same way that you have with your dog, than with all human beings."

"Your dog knows so much more about you than most humans do."

"[Laughs] So, yeah, I think it’s the same thing."

WHEN I SPOKE TO MATTHEW NEEDHAM BEFORE THE SEASON BEGAN, HE HAD MENTIONED THAT HE HAD ALWAYS FELT THAT LARYS AND AEGON WERE CONNECTED IN THE SHOW AT LITTLE AEGON'S NAME DAY. NOW I'M CURIOUS. BECAUSE RIGHT NOW LARYS IS KIND OF AEGON'S ONLY FRIEND, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS BONDING THESE CHARACTERS FROM AEGON'S PERSPECTIVE?

"Yeah, I think there’s definitely common ground with Aegon and Larys."

"There’s now this shared experience of being, you know, physically impaired."

"This is something that Larys has had to live with his entire life, but it is very new to Aegon."

"So any advice or any talks or anything like that that Larys has to give Aegon, Aegon is listening to him."

"For the first time in a long time, he’s listening to somebody and trusting them."

"Aegon feels like Larys has Aegon’s best interests at heart."

"Yes, there may be some personal gains eventually, but for now Larys seems legitimate and like he will actually help Aegon help in his pursuit to survive and thrive."

"I was talking to somebody before about it, and I’m saying, out of all the bad options that are sort of laid in front Aegon at the moment, this seems to be the least damaging and most likely to help them survive a little bit longer."

YOU MENTIONED AEGON'S PHYSICAL IMPAIRMENT. OVER THE WEEKS, WE'VE SEEN JUST VARIOUS STAGES OF MAKEUP ON AEGON, AS HE'S BEEN IMMEDIATELY IN THE AFTERMATH, AND NOW HE'S BEEN IMPROVING. WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO DEAL WITH ALL THE PROSTHETICS? HOW DID IT CHANGE FROM WEEK TO WEEK? AND DID YOU HAVE A FAVORITE OR LEAST FAVORITE LOOK?

"I mean, for a start, it was an experience I’ve never had before."

"Being clad in all that prosthetic, it takes a lot of time."

"It takes a lot of patience from the artists themselves and a lot of skill."

"I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, you know, I get the easy job."

"I just have to sit there and have it put on me in bed."

"People are getting up at ridiculous hours of the morning and preparing everything even before I arrive."

"Then once I’m sat in the chair, they spend six to seven hours applying it."

"At which time, I get to fall asleep or read a book or listen to a podcast."

"I get the easy side of things, but, yeah, it’s definitely an experience I’ve not had before."

DID YOU SAY IT WAS SIX TO SEVEN HOURS?

"Yeah, sometimes."

"That’s my least favorite part of it, the amount of time spent in the chair."

"But also, it does get quicker as the healing process improves."

"For example, like the initial burns where the armor was being peeled out and you could see, you know, torso, arm, face, neck, all that… That was six to seven hours."

"Really raw burns."

"But as that starts to heal, we shaved a couple of hours off it."

YEAH, ONE DETAIL THAT TOOK ME BY SURPRISE IN THE FINALE WAS TO REVEAL THAT AEGON LOST A KEY PART OF HIS MANHOOD IN THE FIRE. SO AT WHAT POINT DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS AN ELEMENT TO HIS INJURIES? AND HOW DRASTICALLY DOES THAT CHANGE HOW HE SEES HIMSELF?

"[Chuckles] Yeah, yeah."

"What a shame."

YEAH, HIS POOR PENIS. I WAS LIKE, 'OH NO!'

"Understatement of the year! I first realized that was a part of his injuries in the read-through week."

"[Both laugh.] Around the table with everybody."

"So that was interesting."

"Actually, you know what? Who knows what he thinks?"

"I haven’t had that much time to think about it."

"I don’t think he’s had that much time to think about it in great detail."

"I don’t think a lot of his injuries have really sunk in yet because he’s been laying in his bed."

"I think they’ll really start — particularly once he starts moving around and using his body again and being physically more engaged in his body — that’s when he’ll start to realize what damage has been done."

"Yeah, I think that will all become clear as Season 3 unfolds."

"But, yeah, I don’t think he’ll be spending much more time in Flea Bottom."

I WAS JUST SPEAKING WITH EWAN, AND HE MENTIONED OFFHANDEDLY THE AMBIGUITY OF THE SCENE IN WHICH AEMOND PRESSES THE KING'S BALL FROM THE SMALL COUNCIL INTO AEGON'S CHEST. HE SAID IT WAS VERY AMBIGUOUS ON HIS END. DID IT FEEL AMBIGUOUS ON YOUR END? DOES AEGON CONCEIVE IT AS A THREAT, OR DOES HE SEE IT AS POTENTIALLY HANDING THE KINGSHIP BACK?

"I think, as Aegon, I just saw that as Aemond playing little sort of status games with him and trying to be threatening, but really just sort of… I’ve taken a personal dislike to Aemond."

"[Chuckles] Yeah, I think he’s a little weasel that needs punishing now."

WHEN I SPOKE TO YOU BEFORE THE SHOW CAME OUT, YOU MENTIONED THE PHILIP LARKIN POEM, 'THIS BE THE VERSE' INFORMING AEGON'S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS. THERE IS THIS HEART WRENCHING MOMENT WHEN AEGON IS FIRST COMING TO AFTER ROOK'S REST. HE ONLY SAYS 'MUMMY,' AFTER ALICENT LEAVES HIS SIDE. CAN ALICENT STILL REACH HIM? DO YOU THINK THAT RELATIONSHIP IS COMPLETELY RUINED? AND WHAT DOES AEGON NEED FROM HIS MOTHER AFTER ROOK'S REST?

"I don’t think they really ever had a relationship to ruin, to be honest."

"There’s always been fractures in it."

"There’s always been a severe case of approaching things from totally different angles."

"Neither of them really have the tools or the know-how to give the other what they need."

AS A FOLLOW UP, HE LEAVES KING'S LANDING BEFORE RHAENYRA ARRIVES IN THIS VERSION OF THE STORY. SO HE HAS NO IDEA THAT ALICENT HAS BASICALLY BARTERED HIS LIFE OVER. DO YOU THINK HE WILL DISCOVER THAT HIS DEATH WAS PART OF ALICENT'S BETRAYAL? AND DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD FURTHER JUST PUT THEM AT ODDS?

"Yeah, of course."

"I think the writers are clever enough to pick up on those little details and to use those as ammunition."

"I mean, I hope so."

"That’d be great, wouldn’t it?"

"But then again, I’m not a writer, and those guys are absolutely phenomenal."

"So I will leave them to do that, and I’ll do my job."

YOU'RE NOT A WRITER, BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY HOPES FOR WHERE AEGON MIGHT BE NEXT SEASON? DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A BUDDY ROAD TRIP MOMENT WITH LARYS? DO YOU WANT TO GO TO ESSOS? IS THERE ANY AREA IN WESTEROS OR ESSOS THAT YOU REALLY WANT TO EXPLORE WITH MATTHEW NEEDHAM NEXT YEAR?

"Do you know what? Me and Matthew spend the majority of our time, if not all of our time on Season 2, in the studios at Leavesden."

"So I think we’re both just grateful for any opportunity we get to be on location, have some fresh air and see some new places."

"These beautiful landscapes that literally every other actor got to experience on Season 2, but we didn’t."

"So, yeah, anywhere that takes us away from the studio would be fantastic."

YOU'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT HOW ROOK'S REST GIVES AEGON SO MANY PHYSICAL AILMENTS, BUT IT ALSO SEEMS TO CHANGE SOMETHING IN HIM. DO YOU THINK THERE'S ANYTHING TO A 'PHOENIX RISING FROM THE ASHES' METAPHOR THERE, WHERE AEGON IS SORT OF GETTING A NEW CHANGE TO ASSERT HIMSELF AS A DIFFERENT KIND OF LEADER, RULER OR MAN?

"Absolutely, Meghan."

"I think you’re absolutely right, for sure."

"The phoenix rising from the ashes is a great image, and I think that’s spot on."

"He becomes colder."

"He becomes more driven."

"He becomes less attentive to how people receive him."

"I think he’s in business mode now."

"There’s been too many people taking advantage of him and whoconsider him useless or ineffective."

"So, yeah, he’s now going to I think he’s now going to buckle down."

"That’s perceive him, anyway."

AND IS HIS ULTIMATE GOAL JUST THE IRON THRONE? OR DOES HE ALSO WANT TO ENACT REVENGE ON THOSE HE FEELS HAVE HARMED HIM OR NOT TAKING HIM SERIOUSLY?

"Yeah, I think he wants to inflict pain now at that point, and I don’t know if it will make him feel any better, to be perfectly honest."

"I don’t think revenge ever fully does give you that peace."

"He’s a man with nothing to lose."

"In the sense that, of course, he has the throne to lose, but it’s not really his throne to lose."

It’s much greater than him."

"You know, it’s his family name."

"It’s his pride."

"It’s his manhood."

"It is everything."

"Somebody has come and killed his child and then he’s been attacked by his own brother."

"You know, there’s nowhere to turn that’s safe."

"So, yeah, he feels very much like a one man band — with the added assistance of good Lord Larys Strong." [Chuckles]

[rottenshotgungames]

Alright, let’s start with discourse, shall we?

Gatekeeping Combat

Three days ago, the Gorgon Bones blog made this post about fighters in TTRPGs (particularly the OSR): https://gorgonbones.blogspot.com/2024/02/choosing-fighter-means-choosing-violence.html?m=1

I recommend reading the post, it’s fun (and the comments are hilarious). But, for those who don’t have the time or attention span (trust me, I’m lacking in spoons right now too), this is a relatively short joke that suggests protecting the Fighter class’ niche by making it the only class able to participate in combat. This, on its face, seems like an inherently silly idea—because it is—but people have been interacting with it as a serious suggestion. This comedic concept has spawned a legitimately interesting design discussion. So, let’s engage with it as a thought experiment. How would one make this function in a fun and reasonable way? The simple answer is that you have to start with conflict.

Conflict in RPGs, particularly in Dragon Game derivatives (such as the OSR), is often violent in nature. This presents the first hurdle: How do we centralize combat to 1 class when it’s a major source of conflict, conflict that people inherently want to engage in? As I see it, there are two approaches:

Decentralize Combat.

Redefine “Engaging in Combat.”

Decentralizing combat is kinda just what it says on the tin; make combat a less important source of conflict and means of resolving it. The two biggest examples of this—to me—are Investigative Horror Games and Stealth Games, both of which rely on central conceits that CAN involve violence but don’t necessarily rely upon it. A non-OSR example would be John Harper’s Blades in The Dark, in which combat is resolved the exact same way as every other conflict: through a series of dice rolls that result in ticking and unticking a clock (with possible complications).

Redefining what it means to “engage” requires a bit more definition than the prior approach. “Redefining” can be subcategorized into two somewhat disparate techniques: Redefining goals and redefining interactions.

In any TTRPG combat, the party tends to have a list of goals that exist in a hierarchy of priority. For example, in a traditional D&D or Lancer combat the hierarchy of party goals might look like this:

The Contest (express martial superiority, wipe out the opposition, or otherwise win the combat)

The End State (survive the combat and prevent as much harm to yourself or other party members as possible)

The Barrier (achieve the exploration or narrative goal that’s being hindered or prevented by the combat)

“Redefining” these goals is more accurately described as a re-ordering of their hierarchy based upon whether you are or aren’t the Fighter, usually through gameplay incentives. An incredible example exists in the form of Mike Pondsmith’s Cyberpunk 2020, in which the Solo role (through virtue of acting first and being generally able to specialize heavily into combat) can almost singlehandedly decide the outcome of any fight in which they are present. If there is one Solo on the field, their side is probably going to receive a swift victory; your job, as the non-Solo, is simply to not die and accomplish what you actually came here to do. If there are two Solos on opposing sides of the combat, their goals change to winning their private fight; your job, as the non-Solo, is to survive the surrounding combat until the Solo is free again (or to run if they lose). In almost every combat, the Solo will prioritize the Contest while the rest of the party will prioritize either the End State or the Barrier, something aided by Cyberpunk’s lethality and its nature as a heist game.

“Redefining combat interaction” is . . . actually found everywhere. This is your basic class differentiation taken to a greater extreme than you may find in most tactical RPGs. For example, let’s look at the Combat relevant difference between the Thief/Rogue/Mercenary and the Fighter in a majority of games that use such classes:

The Fighter - Deals a lot of damage with consistently accurate attacks (sometimes also makes multiple attacks on their turn). Has high health.

The Thief - Deals a lot of damage with one really powerful attack made from stealth, sneaky (sometimes good at dodging). Has low health.

The differentiation is there, but it’s not really significant (for the purposes of this thought experiment). Both classes focus on damage output, but one makes multiple attacks and one makes a strong attack that requires setup. Let’s try to take this difference and expand it (with a little help from our dear friend Tolkien), particularly by focusing on what makes the Thief unique in comparison to the Fighter:

The Fighter - Deals a lot of damage with consistently accurate attacks (sometimes also makes multiple attacks on their turn). Has high health.

The Thief - Subverts direct combat through the use of trickery and cunning, plays support for the Fighter (sometimes good at dodging). Has low health.

“Subversion,” in this context, simply means fighting dirty. The Thief shouldn’t be engaging in a head-on fight, they’re a Thief. Their interaction with hostile entities should always be tinged by deceit, their goal should always be to throw their enemy off balance, to create openings for others and themselves to use. If your Thief isn’t constantly throwing pocket sand and disarming opponents and knocking chandeliers on top of them and pulling cloaks over their eyes and poisoning them and . . . are they really living out the Thief fantasy? By strengthening the Thief’s core identity, leaning fully into the trickster aspect, we have redefined how both classes interact with Combat in such a way that has made direct, head-on-head violence the apparent specialty of the Fighter.

Conclusion

As much as the original Gorgon Bones blog post is a joke, Jenx does point out a real issue that’s plagued class-based games for a while: a weak niche makes a weak class. Not necessarily mechanically weak (although that can also happen, looking at you CP2020 Cop), but weak in the sense of fundamental design. Strong niches, even if every class has the ability to participate in combat, are born of purposefully and carefully built interactions with the conflicts presented by a game’s rules and environment. If combat is too great of a focus, everyone is going to want to be able to play the guy who’s good at combat; if winning combat is the sole goal of any given encounter, everyone’s going to play the guy that’s good at winning combats; if every class gets good tools for dealing damage . . . well, I don’t really have to spell that one out, do I?

If you’re designing a tactical, class based game: don’t make the Fighter the only class able to engage in combats. It’s lazy, it’s silly, and it won’t be fun for very long. You may notice that, while the two games mentioned here have classes that EXCEL at direct combat, neither of them fully limit it. Instead, the proper lesson of this thought experiment is a far more common one in our field: keep in mind the incentives you’re building into both your game and your classes, and be aware of how all these moving parts interact with and affect each other. After all, the Solo wouldn’t be nearly as good if Cyberpunk wasn’t so lethal, and the Cutter would be far more ubiquitous if Blades in The Dark had a dedicated combat chapter.

Self Promo

Hey! Thanks for reading. Sorry to leave ya with Baby’s First Game Design Lesson, but I hope ya enjoyed the journey there. If you’d like to see my recent attempt at a class based fantasy game, you can click here to check out Hollow Halls. Otherwise, I hope y’all have a great night and a great day!

[esther-dot]

oh and I hope you don't mind (we can share my mood) 11k by @thkingslayer

“You make presumptions, your highness.” “I do not. I know how unwanted I am by you, Lady Sansa.” Her mouth opens as she struggles to find the words to tell him it isn’t true. She’s a lady. She would be nice if he would. She just wants— She just wants— -- When the king travels north, Sansa takes an immediate liking to Prince Aegon. She does not, however, want anything to do with her cousin Prince Jon—the brooding, dark haired, younger brother. She's quite sure he does not want anything to do with her also. And by the Old Gods and the New, she will not let him ruin her mood.

Dawn 19k

Like her mother before her, Sansa will do her duty. She will marry a man who is practically a stranger, mere days before he sets off for war.

All That Glitters 3k by @rumaan

Sansa is annoyed she has to give up a day with Prince Aegon to show his boring younger brother around Winterfell. Some alone time with Prince Jon makes her re-evaluate her opinion.

Sapphires and Salt 9k by @wendynerdwrites

The Princess to be is jilted, the unwanted prince rises

Salty Teens one, two, three by @blackholeofprocrastination

Sansa bursts into his solar in a swirl of skirts, her precious courtesies forgotten. Jon remains seated behind his desk, earning a scowl from his lady wife.  “What did you say to Jeyne?” she demands. “Nothing.”  It’s not entirely true, but he is still too furious to be cowed in his own damn solar.

Learning to fight, learning to Dance 1k by @myrish-lace-love

Lyanna Stark survives, and Jon and Aegon are half-brothers. Jon is in a hastily arranged marriage with Sansa Stark. They get on each other's nerves constantly during the day, but their nights are a different matter.

What a Disappointment 7k by @justadram

Sansa Stark and Jon Targaryen are married and neither of them is pleased about it. Set in a world where Rhaegar lives and Jon was raised in King's Landing as a legitimized bastard.

lights still shining in the room, you left me here 11k

Perhaps at one point, her marriage to Jon had become less of a sham. But with a history of three dead children between them, even the strongest of unions would break, let alone one as fragile as theirs. When Sansa tries to save herself, her actions lead to some interesting revelations.

Made New 3k

Sansa does not get the wedding night that she longed for and has to fix it

Tell the Ones That Need to know (We Are Headed North) 10k by @vixleonard

After years of confinement in the Red Keep with Ned prisoner in the black cells, the Dragon Queen comes. With the knowledge that Jon Snow is actually a Targaryen, she agrees to let the Starks return to Winterfell only if Jon marries one of the Stark daughters. Sansa volunteers so they can all go home. Soon she figures out being married to Jon isn't bad but it is complicated.

half a kingdom and a princess 2k by @misshoneywheeler

“Guess you’re stuck with me, old girl.” Old girl. He’s never called her that before. He’s never called her anything but Sansa and my lady, or sometimes Lady Stark, a title that gives them both discomfort as Lady Stark is still Sansa’s mother to each of them. Something in Sansa thrills at the strange endearment, though she should – and may – protest at being called such a thing. There’s just something so familiar in the words, in Jon’s soft affection as he says them. Something intimate and real.

A Convenient Inconvenience 4k

Once Daenerys takes the Iron Throne she knows the battle is only half over. Now that she has the throne she must keep it. Since she cannot have heirs of her own she names her new half-brother, the former Jon Snow, now Jon Targaryen, the Crown Prince. And a prince needs a princess which is where Sansa Stark comes in. The pair marry yet it takes months for Jon to realize that Sansa thinks of their relationship as more than just a duty.

PRE CANON - WESTERN - FAIRYTALE - REGENCY - LITTLE WOMEN - HOLIDAY - SEASON SIX - ANNE OF GREEN GABLES - THE GIRL IN GREY - FREE CITIES - FAIRYTALE PART II - POLITICAL MARRIAGE - POST CANON

[butch-reidentified]

DNI if you believe "everyone has a price." you're pathetic & I don't trust your morals.

Skip to bottom for About Me section.

Preface: Most of this blog is not dedicated to trans-related topics. However, seeing as I get nonstop harassment regarding trans matters, almost always from people assuming my views, experiences, and thoughts entirely incorrectly, a disproportionate number of the links in this Pinned will be aimed at this subject in order to provide legitimate insight as to my views, my feminism, and my experiences - both with my transition & the trans community in general. Chances are, you are very wrong about me in all those areas. Only one way to find out 😉

1. What is a woman?

Deep dive into my perspective on gender identity ideology (GII) & my response to an anon regarding "autogynephilia" [this includes the article above]

Argument for Using "Cis-Identifying"

Pitch: New Terminology to Replace "[Biological] Sex"

And related: A conversation with a "NERF" about radical feminism, gender identity ideology, and what we/I actually believe.

2. Inform yourself on some of the work I've done for trans people before you continue the trend of cowardly hypocrisy.

No, I obviously don't hate trans people, and if you believe that, you have a black-and-white way of looking at things. Trans people deserve safety and equality; this must not come at the expense of women/girls, homosexual people, people with DSDs, or any other marginalized and vulnerable group. If you think these opinions cannot coexist, maybe ask yourself why. If you think they can coexist, why do you have a problem with me?

3. My primary thread responding to the way much of the tumblr trans community handled my sharing my story of surviving the 2016 Pulse Nightclub shooting (often by stealing my lived trauma and removing my url) is easily one of the most - if not the most - important posts pertaining to trans discourse I've made to date. And a bonus: This lovely ask.

4. Hope for Women (this is a very new project, WIP)

5. Comparative Analysis of Cult-like Patterns in Gender Identity Ideology, Radfeminism

Another post (not mine) listing indicators something may be a cult

6. Response to an anon asking why radfems team up with conservatives (spoiler: we don't), including THE QUESTION I have about gender identity ideology that would make me change my views completely if answered; response to a similar anon simplifying the differences between TRA, radfem, & conservative views on gender.

About Me:

I am a butch lesbian, married to a badass gnc (but not butch) radfem lesbian goddess whose misandry surpasses even my own; she does have tumblr but rarely uses it - @psychichologramnightmare is hers. I'm 28/Taurus/May baby, though I'll be real, I've never liked astrology and found my birth chart n whatnot always laughably wildly inaccurate to me (sorry astrology girlies). Former competitive rock climber, still in love with hiking and climbing. Wilderness survivalist. Trained & armed woman, advocate for female-only firearm ownership.

My wife and I run our own business, and bought our first home together at 24 & 25 respectively - it's a lovely 4/3 on a quarter acre where we have 5 mango trees and more, plan to start growing our own food and herbs, foster kittens, and provide free housing (and more) regularly for those in need. We do a LOT of IRL feminist action/work/organizing. I post about some of that work pretty often, but I couldn't possibly post about all of it (even if it were safe to do so). I am basically organizing (mostly offline, but some online as well) full-time now.

Survivor of abuse, CSA + captivity, trafficking in my teens where I was forced into porn as a minor, the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando 2016, and more. I am no longer affected by any of these in any negative psychological manner. I own my past, every moment of it, and wouldn't change a thing I've experienced. What I often tell people is, "I'm not glad it happened; I'm glad I was there."

I practice "witchcraft" (kind of...) as a form of artistic expression. I don't subscribe to any literal metaphysical/supernatural/whatever set of beliefs or narrative, and have had a lifelong inability to believe in such things, but I am passionate about lesbian-centered/lesbian-exclusive (esp butch & gnc lesbian) witchcraft. I am also using this practice in part to connect further with my ancestors and their culture & way of life, but this would take a full essay to elaborate on/explain.

I got my Bachelor's in Neuroscience/Neuropsych, used to work in a top neuro research lab, and have been a coauthor on a peer-reviewed scientific journal publication. I wrote my undergraduate thesis on POTS, ADHD, some of the relevant epigenetics, and norepinephrine dysregulation. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos & POTS in 2015, before pretty much anyone had heard of them (including most doctors). My POTS is very well-managed now, but chronic pain from EDS is more of a struggle. I recently went for testing for EDS subtype and was diagnosed with Type IV/vascular-type EDS (VEDS).

Adoptee with complex history. Working through a lot of feelings surrounding my ancestry - one birth parent was white, other was almost entirely indigenous Mexican (Nahua), and I have like zero personality traits in common with the former but have only been able to meet them irl not the other side - and the fact that my adoptive family (white) has not always handled things well in raising adopted kids. I only learned my full biological family history as an adult and was lied to by them about it my whole life. Which, looking back it feels like I always knew on some level, as adoptees often seem to, and it puts a lot of my childhood difficulties etc in context. Adoption-critical but not abolitionist - I plan to adopt with my wife in a couple years. I've talked a fair bit about my experiences, adoption trauma, ethical adoption, and more. Check out my tags such as #ethical adoption, #adopted, #adoptee, and so forth (tagged on this post for easy accessibility).

I spent many years surrounded by majority-trans-identifying friends/acquaintances both irl and online, deeply involved in trans spaces & activism, and even identified for a bit & was on T for a while. I am not "uneducated" or unfamiliar with trans-identifying people, their experiences, or gender identity ideology in general. You, like me back then, very probably have been lied to about radfems ("terfs") and what we believe and fight for. I am happy to talk in good faith (provided you do the same) 1 on 1 with anyone who is curious about what we actually believe and what we stand for, what common radfem takes on gender identity ideology & trans identity actually are and why.

I have a history of purely physical sex dysphoria (physical sensation like pain or itching). I got "top surgery" (elective mastectomy) due to this and other reasons: constant painful breast cysts & very large breasts (DDD even when I weighed under 100 lbs). I was not trans-identifying by the time I got this surgery (though I tried to briefly identify as nb/transmasc just bc I felt obligated, but hated it). I have never wanted to be a man socially and genuinely hated the very thought. I came out the womb feminist, got in trouble throughout primary school for fighting boys who tried to pull sexist bullshit, always lowkey believed in female superiority (I mean just look at our biology, lifespans, pain tolerance, the things we've done throughout history despite violent patriarchal oppression...). I spent years preparing myself. I read from & spoke to women who regretted this surgery, challenged myself at every turn, dove deep into my mind and thought processes, tried alternative treatment attempts, worked with a non-affirming therapist, made sure my past traumas were fully healed, and waited until I was in my mid-twenties so my brain was more or less fully matured. I have no regrets about it. I still have some (still purely physical sensation) dysphoria ("phantom male genitals" type of thing) at times, but have come to manage this very well. More on this here.

Formally assessed psychopath & participant in research by leading psychopathy experts (read on before jumping to conclusions). Check out this post and my #psychopathy tag (tagged on this post for easy accessibility) for info, particularly about high-EQ female psychopathy, & to find out everything you think you know about us is wrong 💕 (what you know about male psychopaths is usually right tho 💀)

Note: When it comes to politics, I strive to discuss exclusively that about which I am *uniquely knowledgeable* - by which I mean, essentially, that I (believe I) have something to contribute that is unlikely to be found on every other blog. I do not and will not make posts or reblog posts about topics I do not feel this way about. You are not entitled to know my views on every hot-button issue, and I have no intention of speaking on that which I know little about, or that I don't know enough about (through study or personal experiences) to contribute something you can't get a thousand other places.

Tag Guide (WIP):

#mine -> original posts, including ask responses

#ask -> ask responses only

#anon hate, #anon love -> should be self-explanatory. anon love does include some non-anon love for simplicity.

#catposting, #dogposting, #petposting -> images of cats, dogs, and both, respectively (not always my own)

#Wilder wives -> posts pertaining to me & my wife (last name Wilder)

#mvawg, #mvaw, #male violence -> male violence against women/girls

#ethical adoption -> my takes as an adoptee on the issues within the adoption industry & how adoption can be done ethically

#nahua, #nahuatl, #mexica -> ranges from personal journal style posts about my process of reconnecting with the Nahua community to sharing facts about the language (Nahuatl, pronounce it Nawat) and stories from Mexica mythology etc. posts I make specifically as part of the facts-and-stories series are tagged #indigenous reconstructionism.

#what we believe -> fairly new tag for posts trying to educate on what radfeminism is actually about/damage control for disinformation & misinformation about it

#trans violence -> violence committed by trans-identifying people, including threats of and graphic violent fantasies (primarily misogynistic ones)

#trans misogyny, #trans lesbophobia, #woke misogyny, #woke homophobia, #woke lesbophobia, etc. -> what it says on the tin

[awkwardandeccentric]

I wonder if the reason why Stolas is so blind to the class dynamic between him and Blitz is because he doesn’t feel like he benefits from it.

Work with me here. I’m not saying it’s true. I’m saying this may be how he feels.

You know those white people that say that they can’t have white privilege because they’re struggling to pay the rent? Maybe Stolas has a mindset something similar to that.

When you think royalty, you think strength and power. Stolas has neither. In terms of raw physical strength, Stolas is weaker among the Goetia. With his looks, he’s lanky and thin. “I’m so glad I don’t have to pretend to want to fuck his scrawny, twig ass.” (Stella I hate you so much). We know as the audience that it takes an insurmountable amount of strength to survive, umm, let’s see, let me check the list: missing mother, neglectful father, extreme isolation as a child, being a closeted gay man, an arranged marriage, marital rape, domestic violence, and being a teen father.

Yeah, I would have offed myself at number five.

But to Stolas, having to take SSRIs and having mental health issues is something he most likely is deeply ashamed of. Something he thinks of as a weakness.

In terms of power, he’s never had any power to control his own life. From the moment he was born, his destiny was written for him, no deviation allowed. “It is expected an oath by blood to hold the tome and the starlight passes overhead fuels all the skills I've honed. I am a guardian, a watcher of these ancient rites.” He has no power over who or when or if he commits himself to one person for the rest of his very, very long life. He has no power over Stella to make her stop abusing him. He has no power over his own brain to make him stop being suicidal.

In his mind, the idea that he benefits at all from his station is ludicrous. ‘Where is this privilege?’ He’s probably thinking to himself. ‘I don’t even get to choose who I marry, when I have children, what job I have, who I get to love, whether I make friends, how I can express my emotions, nothing. I choose nothing.’

And honestly? He’s not right…but he’s also not wrong.

There is something deeply fucked up about how the system has taken a cute, happy bird just excited to learn about his future on his birthday and chewed him up before spitting him out into a severely depressed alcoholic with C-PTSD and recovering from an assassination attempt.

It’s not that he doesn’t benefit from his status compared to other demons. He does. He has servants and can get an appointment for a hospital visit at any time and he’s welcome in any club he goes to and he’s never had to worry about whether he’ll have a roof over his head or food on the table. But compared to the standards set by the people around him? The idea is laughable. Offensive. Where is this privilege? He’s not seeing it.

And like the white people who claim that they can’t have white privilege because they struggle to pay the rent, we want to pull our hair out and scream because “holy shit how can you be this stupid?!”

But they have legitimate complaints about a system that chewed them up and spit them out. And so does Stolas.

[quitealotofsodapop]

[Wukong: "Then we would have shared that furnace. And we'd be two idiots chained beneath the mountain together."]

Hmmm…I am not a hundred percent sure, but I think when SWK was in the furnace – he was reduced to ash, more than once, he just regenerated each time it happened. And considering he had to have been like 5 times immortal by then…I really doubt Macaque would have survived the furnace. SWK would just be trapped in there with the ashes of his friend/mate.

Although, now I have the image of SWK collecting the ashes and carrying them around in a jar/vase/something and still treating it like Macaque is alright – “Oh, look, Mihou, think we should try that?” – like something between a comfort item and a security blanket, but his mind not dealing with his LEMs death well to a point he’s just…like that. Still himself, but broken in a way.

Tripitaka thought he would be in over his head with the Monkey King being his protector – but the stone monkey clearly not coping well at all with a dead friend and treating their ashes as if still alive…Man’s praying for wisdom every chance he gets.

Referencing a line from my post about Wukong's stage fright.

Thats an extremely sad concept and a great idea for an angst au. It brings the idea of how Monkey (representing the Mind) handles legitimate grief. Him having a Mary Shelley-esque co-dependance on his past mate's ashes is 100% in character for SWK. He clings to the vessel containing Mac's ashes like Guanyin to her vase, rarely if ever putting it down.

I imagine the vase/vessel/urn resembles like those found in Chinese dig sites, but instead of the Imperial Palace, it is topped with a model of Flower Fruit Mountain.

Tripitaka/Tang Sanzang can sympathise with the pain of losing someone dear. In Journey to the West, he sets out to retrieve the scriptures after losing his mother + solving his dad's murder (and thats after being separated from them since and before birth). He's going through his own form of unhealthy grief, similar to his attitude in "The Great Tang Man"; he doesn't want to get close to anyone because he fears losing another loved one. But he sees that Monkey is refusing to accept that someone he cared for is gone, and wishes to find wisdom to help them both.

Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing are also sympathetic, but a little unnerved by Wukong's obsession. Bajie was a witness to Wukong's Havoc in Heaven, and knows that the Six Eared Macaque fell to the Furnace when his king did not. He's the one to yell at Wukong when he's annoyed by the monkey's chattering to the ash vessel. Wujing is the one to gently suggest ways to include Macaque's memory in healthier ways, and frequently helps Wukong with tasks when the monkey refuses to put down the vessel. Wujing knows how important those things are.

The one who understands the most though, is Ao Lie. He witnessed how his family went nuts in the aftermath of Ao Bing's death. The ones who grieved loudly and silently. The pain that rebounded onto Nezha and his family. Ao Lie was quite young when the death occurred, and always felt like he was on "the outside" of what was happening. He understands that this is the way Sun Wukong choses to process what has happened to Macaque. Ao Lie feels no place to correct him on it - and just understanding Wukong's pain is enough to help the monkey heal even if it takes years.

Wukong in this AU would be far more hesistant to kill his mortal opponents. He knows that even the strongest warrior may fall to ruin. And that the most hated Kings have someone who will mourn their loss. Sometimes his personality of an unhealthly-grieving widower is enough for some threats to back off. Even a demon knows that it is shameful to harass someone who is mourning.

I imagine the most shocked of their encounters would be the monkeys former allies...

Azure: "Sun Wukong? I thought you threw your lot in with the Heavenly Host. Following the beck and call of the Tang Monk." SWK: "I have. But I figured me and Mihou should pay you guys a visit." Peng: "The Six Eared Macaque? So he has survived the Furnace. No doubt he slunk away into the shadows once the lid rose. Where is that coward hiding now?" SWK: "He isn't hiding. He's been here the whole time." (SWK pats the vessel in his arms) The Brotherhood, all realising: "OH." ( ;O_O) (O_O;) ( `−ㅿ−´) Yellow Tusk: "...I believe the Six Eared Macaque has sacrificed the most for our cause. We should show him and Sun Wukong some hospitality, and listen to their tales of travel." Azure, creeped out: "Agreed."

Others like DBK and PIF would also be in mourning. But I could see them almost finding Wukong's behavior romantic. After all, they don't know what they would do if the other had died in battle.

I feel like instead of a "Macaque Chapter" where Wukong encounters his doppleganger while him and Tripitaka aren't on good terms; it's Wukong becoming frustrated with the others' worrying and comments and wanting to prove that theres a way Macaque still lives. And if it involves harassing the Heavens, the Underworld, or the Buddha himself then he'll try.

Perhaps the crux of his Journey is SWK deciding to let go and release Mac's ashes (likely at Flower Fruit Mountain) and learning healthier ways to honor Mac's memory. Or perhaps requesting that the Buddha reunite them - whether as a revival, in death, or in the next life...

BUT ALSO CONSIDER THIS:

Sun Wukong was only able to legitimately survive the Eight Trigrams Furnace (even with peaches, wines, and pills) because;

He's a manifestation of both Earth and the Mind. All the Furnace did was harden him like a piece of coal becoming a diamond.

Wukong isnt dumb. He knows enough about Taoist Alchemy to know that no matter how hot the crucible gets, it will always be its weakest in the Xun/Sun/Wind Trigram. The theory being that while Air feeds Fire, Wind supresses it - in science terms the increased pressure caused by the pure Wind element suffocated the hottest flames but created a lot of smoke; forever reddening Wukong's eyes.

Above: Two separate translations I got.

Macaque is associated with Wind, especially in LMK and other Jttw-inspo works that merge his character with the Macaque King/Great Sage Informing Wind. And as a Celestial Primate/Mystic Monkey, he holds powers unknown to Heaven and himself.

If in Taoist Alchemy; Wind supresses Fire, then there's a chance that instead of becoming refined like a earthy diamond like Sun Wukong - the Six Eared Macaque would cause a different unholy reaction within the Furnace. Like a pressure cooker ready to burst, the Wind within would only expand/quicken until breeched.

Lao Tzu/Laozi opens the Furnance after 49 days, expecting the two monkey demons to be reduced to a pile of ashes and pills. He's met by a pair of monsters that burst forth from the crucible like Pandora's box.

Heaven weeps.

Even if Macaque's physical body was lost to the Furnace, he could retain enough magic to manipulate his ashes into a smokey ghost-like form. The Buddha would be forced to contain Macaque for those 500 years by sealing him in an air-tight vessel.

Wukong carrying around his mate's ashes and the pilgrims thinking him mad with grief, only for Macaque to reveal at an awkward time that he's still technically "alive". Pluming forth from the vessel and ensaring their foes with his ribbon-like tendrils.

And if you wonder what a Furnaced!Macaque would look like? He's already shown us;