#legitimately Every Single Line Of That Song feels like it could be about MY life. none of that well this verse...

[tojislibrvry]

★ ︵ @ toji / reader , phone sex, corruption, virgin!reader, masturbation, voice kink, vibrator

you were young, the right age to be wild and fun. you saw your peers around you at midnight, as you swiped through everyone’s instagram stories. red heart coloured in as you tapped on every new post. red cups littered everywhere in the background, strobing lights manipulating the camera as your beautiful classmates flashed a charming grin or had their tongue out cheekily at their phones.

you wanted to be them so bad, yet you couldn't muster up the confidence nor the courage to get up and be yourself. 

this translated to your love life too. it’s not like you were a complete loser, you were friendly, thoughtful, and quite awfully pretty like that one song. there was just something that held you back constantly to go up and talk to the people you fancied. the inexperience made you insecure day by day.

it was not like you planned to be a virgin your whole life! the way things were progressing made you a little unsure though. you were also increasingly embarrassed that you couldn’t make yourself feel good. you would touch yourself in the dark whenever your roommate spent the night at her boyfriend’s. the coil in your stomach would begin to unravel but it would never snap. tears of frustration would bubble and there wasn't a day they converted to tears of pleasure.

and one normal tuesday, as you were scrolling through twitter a post caught your eye. huh?  there was no way something like that was legitimate. it was probably a scam, probably. curious enough you click on his profile and the image you are met with has your mouth watering.

stood a faceless man with his shirt off and presumably his pants off — the picture cut off below his achingly deep v line. his veiny arms, you are sure were twice the size of your head, were orgasm inducing. one of his hands held the camera while the other trailed off downwards…fuck.

ovulating and mind clearly way out of rationality, you texted the number in his post. if it was a scam, you would know — you could simply just block him. you weren't the brightest when it came to internet safety.

you closed the message app as soon as you were done typing out a cute "hii! is this legitimate? what’s your business model like? can i trust you? sorry for rambling. i've never done this before." and placed your phone under your pillow as you decided to sleep. 

the dreams you had that night were incomparable to the horniest porn you could have ever watched. the faceless man, held you against his warm body as he had you in the meanest mating press. your nails scratching his beautifully muscled back as you begged for more. your eyes rolled behind meeting your empty skull as he delivered a harsher thrust each time you mewled against his lips. as your dream self inched closer and closer to sweet release, you were thrown awake — your lonely beating heart ( and pussy ) your only company. 

you woke up cringing at the wetness between your thighs, the fluids of your insatiable arousal coating your thighs. you felt like a hormonal teenage boy who had nutted ( almost in your case ) in his boxers the very first thing in the morning. the discomfort and the migraine you developed from ruined orgasm made you get out of bed dragging yourself to the bathroom. your phone automatically flew to your hand like thor with his hammer as you scrolled as you brushed your teeth. 

everything was as smooth sailing as it could be until your eyes landed on a single notification that made you spit your toothpaste out halfway. you had actually texted that man in your delirious state. you glared at yourself in the mirror and clicked on the text expecting to see your usual scam test, something along the lines of "send me all your bank details haha promise i wont do anything about it!" instead what you are met with has you searching for a seat.

"so many fucking questions baby, why don't i call you tonight and you can see how legitimate my big dick is. you can pay me after i've shown you a good time. feel lucky. i don't do this for everyone, sweetheart." 

you spent the next thirty minutes trying to cool yourself down, splashing water on yourself to cool how heated your face had become. you sat down on your bed, pulling your knees up to finally answer the text. too embarrassed to text out a detailed reply you simply send him a thumbs up and wait for your racing heart to calm down.

the rest of the day went on incredibly slow, painstakingly slow. you had to sit through college lectures while your mind was clouded with thoughts about the nameless man you were going to talk to that night. you knew you were playing a dangerous game. you knew nothing about this mystery man.

sure, you could discern some of his features by stalking all the media from his x profile. he had raven hair that you could find in the reflection of one lucky post, his hair short and unkempt which did nothing but elicit more of your attention. another post had a little  bit of his face revealed, a salacious grin plastered on his face. you could see a scar run on his lips, the sense of danger it gave, had you turned on more than ever, making you wonder if you were going to discover more things about yourself from this ordeal.  

during your lunch break you had received another text from the contact, asking about the timings of your encounter. you had hastily agreed to 11pm, a time you knew very well your roommate would not be at home. 

if you were going to get dirty, might as well do it in a house with no one else. once you were back home, a quick eaten dinner with your appetite redirected to something else completely, you decided to unwind in the shower. you knew it wasn't a physical meet, this man probably had hundreds of callers before you yet deep down inside you wanted him to want you as much you did. silly as it was, you made sure to pluck and tweeze, shave and oil your skin making sure you smelled like a cupcake. you smelled good enough that the phone could pick up on your perfumed body if it were possible. 

the countdown had you pacing in your room, your lips were raw and red with the entire day spent with your lips tucked in your teeth. you were glancing at your clock every thirty seconds, watching the hands of the clock read 10:58. 

god were you wetter than ever before. you could feel the thrumming of your heartbeat spread throughout your body. taking deep breaths in you settled on your bed, legs criss crossed trying to pretend that the phone was not about ring any second. 

at 11.00pm, your phone rang. the marimba ringtone heard throughout your room, echoing off the walls. you had to remain patient. you didn't want the man to think you were desperate. well, you were! but he didn't need to know that. almost immediately, unable to wait any more, you picked up the call.

you were a smart girl, your grades were proof of that and even now, you had evidence of your intelligence by how you had your bluetooth already connected, so you could hear this man's voice as closely as you could, like he was ready to whisper in your ears. your nerves pooled in but no amount of adrenaline could have prepared you for what you could possibly describe as the sexiest voice on the planet. 

"heyyyy doll." it was a gruff voice, something that you would hear in the old cowboy movies your mother used to fawn over when you were a little girl. two words in and you could already hear the teasing tilt to his tone. 

"no greetings for someone helping ya out ?" he asked, bringing you out of your stupor. shaking your head like he could see you, you stammered out a quick, "n-no! fuck, im sorry mr...." you trailed off unsure how to address him. 

"want to know my name baby ? want to know what you should call out to when you are about to cum ?" 

you responded with a squeak, earning a chuckle from the other side of the phone.  you hear a quiet sigh as he whispers softly, goosebumps instantly painted on your skin when he says, "call me toji, i would love to hear you scream it."

before you could  thank him for his gratitude, you were interrupted when he surprisingly asked, "so tell me doll, what's the issue ? pretty thing like ya doesn't need my help getting off,  you must have those stupid frat boys drooling over you."

your eyes widened in surprise, "b-but you don't even know me! how do you know if i'm pretty !!?? or how do you know i'm in college !! are you stalking me ??" 

"ah, i understand the problem now." you heard him mutter, you were already tense, shoulders ready to cramp and your hands gripping the sheets so hard you were surprised they didn't tear by the sheer force. 

"you worry too much baby, do you think it's not easy to guess that someone that sounds as cute as you would be anything other than an inexperienced college girl. i might be exploiting my body, baby, but that doesnt make me stupid. i'm almost a lil offended." you could feel his sly pout through the phone. you only wished that you could feel it on you instead.

"...you are right, i am inexperienced." you said falling on your bed so you could stare at the ceiling instead. too embarrassed to look at the caller id. "i actually...." you tried to steel your nerves so it could be easy for you to admit it. taking a deep breath in you continued, "i cant..." "get yourself off? is that it sweetheart ?"

you sighed, nodding as you continued. "i've tried to, you know... touch myself, but i just can't!" you said exasperated. "you poor thing, you can't even get yourself off. of course you need my help. no one talks to me and goes unsatisfied." he stopped for a second, to let out a dry laugh.

"tell me, what are you comfortable with tonight?" he asked, letting you think for the first time. ten minutes on call with him and you were already too full of him in your mind, unable to think rationally. "i...i'm comfortable with touching myself and...there's something that i bought for myself, a toy to see if it would help me out. it didn't. i don't mind using that either." 

a low whistle. ""a toy? fuck baby, y'er killing me." you gulped at his shameless confession continuing, "i also like it when...when it's a little mean..." you flushed with heat as you voiced it out loud, "i like it mean, not a little— like a lot. sorry."

"awww baby, why are you apologizing ? if you want to be called a slut , i'll call you a slut. no need to feel ashamed for what you like." he pauses, "hm? maybe not ashamed but you do have to feel filthy for a mind like that." you gasped in surprise. "with such less experience, tell me how do you know what you like ?"

you blushed, cheeks feverishly hot now. "ah, i i just.." "just what baby? ya watch porn all alone in your dorm ? that is filthy." 

you tried to maintain a semblance of control. "tojiiiii m'not like that, i just—"

"awww, i'm playing, doll. i'm the last person to shame a pretty girl for trying to take care of her needs, no matter how bad she's at it." you felt yourself growing wetter with his words, thighs now spread apart as you laid on your bed, sweating on the sheets from his dirty words.

"silent now? can't hear you playing with your pussy either, waiting for permission?" you wished you could wipe off his smug smirk that is clearly translated through the shitty phone quality. realizing that you actually did not need his permission, your hands inched downwards.

"sweetheart, not yet." he said with a slightly terrifying tone attached to his elongated words. "tell me, what are you wearing?" you scoffed at him, "m'not wearing anything special." you lied. you were but it was too embarrassing to tell him that. "awww you are being a brat now? reaaaaaal cute." he paused, "quit playing,  we both know how you had your thighs pressed together all day because of me."

your eyes were already glassy with need. "toji...m'just wearing a babydoll dress, it's not that special i promise." 

"is that so sweetie ? all right then. why don't we start slow first? let's not rush into anything and confuse your pretty head." you nodded and quickly realized he could not possibly see you so you responded, "okay toji, i trust you..."

"fuck, you are going to kill me if you keep talking with that pout." he groaned, and you almost felt like he was itching to touch you the same way you wanted to touch him. 

"now, pull up your dress, get your tits out. no more than that." you carefully listened, obedience coursing through your veins. you pulled your dress up, freeing your tits to the cold room, nipples hardening immediately. "hah, can hear your heavy breathing through the phone, you are too fucking cute."

you left out a shaky breath at his words and waited for his next instruction. you could hear the sound of clothes rustling from the other side of the phone. "now, pretty, i want you to play with your nipples alright? tug on them baby, pinch them." you burned at his lewd comments but nevertheless followed his words to a tee. you were able to control your sounds till now, biting your lips to suppress the moans that bubbled at his dirty words.

you let out the softest whimpers as you pinched yourself, stimulating your already sensitive nipples. you began to feel hotter than you usually did. maybe it was the fact that you had an audience or maybe because the audience was him. 

“fuck, just like that. i wish i was there to see ya touch yourself, maybe even touch you myself a little bit. you would like that wouldn't you slut ?" you simply moaned in response, continuing the ministrations on yourself. "the way you sound like a goddamn whore, all i want to do is bite on your sensitive nipples for you." 

you couldn't stop the floaty feeling in your head flowing through your body, his words having an effect on you like nothing had ever before. 

"fuckin' slut, if ya can get turned on this easily by just having your tits fondled i think its time for you to touch your pretty pussy.." you immediately listened, wasting no time to bring your fingers to the valley of your thighs.

"fuck, spread yourself for me baby and let me hear the mess you've made for my voice." the simple act of you spreading your legs let out a sticky squelch, caught by your microphone and undoubtedly toji who practically moaned at that noise. "god. run your finger through your pussy, you sound fucking beautiful." you do as he said, letting the messiest sounds echo through the room. he groused loudly, "fuckin' hell, you have to be kidding me." you wouldn't believe your own body either. you had never been that wet before, never that aroused. 

"awww, my sweet slut got all wet from my voice, no longer my sweet baby hm? so fuckin' dirty." you could hear the sound of something being uncapped and a loud squelch that came from his side of the line. "it's a disgrace that i can't feel how wet your dirty cunt is getting on my cock. have to resort to lube instead." he muttered under his breath. "god sweetheart, your pussy probably tastes better than this shitty artificial strawberry despite it being so filthy." 

you began to inch your fingers closer and closer to your needy clit, which was already begging for your attention. maybe it was the praise along with his degradation that made you good because you immediately followed up with a "toj' can i touch my clit, please?"

toji growled at your innocent yet lewd request. "keep asking like that slut and ill give ya a baby too." you giggled at his words now actually touching yourself. finally, giving attention where you had desperately craved your touch had you arching your back off the bed, immediately crying out in pleasure. your bundle of nerves ached with need and being given the pleasure it needed all along, you could feel the black spots of pleasure already painting your vision. 

"i want you to be slow baby, take it slow." he cooed at you, "make sure you rub the softest circles on her, hm just the faintest ya don't want to overwhelm her, pretty." you were hooked to every word that left his mouth and you definitely didn't miss the way he tugged on his cock. it had you growing so needy to be filled. 

"that's right my filthy whore, why dont ya give her a kiss with your vibrator. come on, turn that flimsy silicon on." you nodded along, pulling your vibrator from underneath your pillow to use on yourself. you turned the pink silicon and brought it closer to your pretty clit just faintly touching it, hovering almost just as toji had told you to. 

the minute you brought your vibrator to your needy clit, your body arched off the bed almost unnaturally. your mind was fuzzy with the pleasure it felt. you had never felt like this before when you had used that very vibrator on yourself. you began to mewl uncontrollably as your thighs twitched at the faint sensations. 

"fuuuuuuck, you sound so slutty sweetheart. no one could have imagined that such a naive girl would be shamelessly getting off to a stranger's voice." you were babbling, mind too far gone to actually answer him. 

"now listen carefully baby, i want you to keep that stupid toy on your clit while your other hand plays with your slutty hole alright?" you forced yourself to bring back some obedience so you could follow along to his words. "i want you to put a finger in yourself, sweets, just one. you can do that for me right baby?"

you nodded again, no longer able to form coherent sentences. "i need ya to use your words like a good fucking girl, else i'll leave you all needy and alone." your eyes opened in despair, tears streaming down your pretty face. "noooo toj' —" you hiccuped, "please, just wanna feel good!"

if you could have seen the sight that was on the other side of the phone call you would have lost your damn mind. sat on a leather couch next to a plastic desk, toji fushiguro had the sleaziest grin painted on his face as he listened to your desperate begging. the raven haired man had his sweats pulled down just enough to spring his cock so he could stroke himself to the little whines you couldn't hold back. the way you called out his name had him high on pleasure, the sticky strawberry lube clouding every sense of his. 

all the poor man wanted to do was be able to push your head onto the bed as he pounded you like you deserved, snatching up your virginity like a disgusting pervert. alas, all he could do was fist his obscenely hard cock to the thought of your fingers pushed deep inside your cunt unable to give you the pleasure— a minute with his tongue could.

he settled for making you cry instead, revelling in the way you wobbled with tears. he moaned at your mewls, trying to talk to you but you made it so hard for him to talk. 

"i want you to put another finger in, baby, oh? what was that? too tight?" he cackled at your words, "go slowly, don't wanna break ya doll." you sniffled, trying to put another finger into you slowly, and you felt so full already. 

"if you can't handle your fingers, how can you ever take a cock? thought you were a cock hungry slut ?" you cried, as you began to scissor yourself open, hands beginning to cramp up. your body was beyond stimulated now, you could taste your orgasm on your tongue. 

"toji, m'close, ah—i think so." toji felt his heart beat faster at your words. 

"awww you are going to cum baby? my sweet whore about to have her first ever orgasm ?" you nodded as you continued to push your fingers in and out of your sweltering heat, eyes rolled back and mouth open as you couldn't crave for something bigger. 

"sweetheart, i want you to increase the intensity setting on your toy and continue to finger that cunt okay? you'll listen right? i promise to make you see the stars." you couldn't help but cry out as you increased the intensity, body pushed beyond its limits. you could feel a warm sensation all throughout your body as you pressed the toy impossibly closer to your clit.

toji tried to match his strokes, his cock about to cum around the same time as you just as he continued thrusting into his own fist at the same pace your fingers thrusted into your warm hole. he couldn't help but tug faster as your moans became louder and your words became less comprehensible.

"let yourself go baby, you can do it. toji's right here with you." he nearly whimpered as he heard your desperate whines. you began to feel your cunt squeeze impossibly against your fingers and suddenly the coil in your stomach snapped. you felt a gush of liquid splash everywhere, dirtying your sheets. you could feel the slick ooze from you as you squirted for the first time in your entire life.

all those years of remaining "broken" as your best friend would call you was all worth it because at that moment all you could see was heaven. white washed over your eyelids and the softest buzzing sensation racked through your body. talking about buzzing, your vibrator remained on the side having its use truly fulfilled for the first time in your life. 

meanwhile toji could not believe his fucking ears when he heard his so called inexperienced caller squirt only because of his voice. it was enough to send him over the edge, his fist grasping his cock almost painfully as he came all over his abs, his cum painting his tan skin white and his happy trail a wet mess from when he had started. he  was beyond ecstatic, hearing your soft pants from the line. 

you heard toji's grunts directly in your ears and if you were not completely exhausted, you would have brought the vibrator back once again. as you heard him finish, you muttered a shy thank you for being the first to make you cum.

he simply chuckles at your words following it up with a, “it's all good doll, just make sure ya pay me double before our next session.”

fuck, you needed to get a part time job now.

[athforskz]

More Random Ult Kpop Group Questions: SKZ Version!

I did something like this a while ago when I first started this blog. So it’s time for another round! Questions below the cut I'm marking as MDNI. Like before, feel free to use this template of questions for your own ult group & tag me (and some friends if ya like). I love to see everyone’s responses 🤗

Dumbest thing you believed as a new fan?

Oof… there’s a few things I fell for as a baby stay, technically I still am a baby stay I think, BUT here’s my uhhh list: 

I thought Hyunjin had an identical twin brother.. 🫣 wait WAIIIT before you come at me, there was a rumor/joke going around at the time and obviously I didn’t know any better, so I believed it. There were even really good edits of Jinnie and his “twin” too. Then when I watched interviews where Hyunjin said he was an only child I was like ???? but eventually I figured it out.

I thought the sunshine twins were legitimately twins (they are) . Like biologically. Wtf is up with me believing twin things??

At first, I could NOT for the life of me tell the difference between Lee Know and Jeongin. No joke thought they were the same person. Which looking back on this one… how could I ever have trouble with them? They literally look nothing alike in facial structure and sound completely different in the way they talk & sing. Only thing they’re the same in is their menace behavior. 

2. Favorite duo/ship?

Usually not a shipper type of person but in regard to favorite friendship dynamic in skz, it’s gotta be SeungChan. Just watch this and there’s my reason why. Jilix is a close second because, again, sunshine twins. Followed by MinChan because watching Lee Know with his only hyung is so precious.

3. Favorite Racha (or other mini group within the whole group)? 

MeanRacha (Minho, Seungmin, & I.N) One of these 3 is literally always up to something. Causing chaos when you least expect it. The phrase “Lee Know is linoing” has become a favorite of mine because it always means he’s doing some menace antics again.

4. Favorite unreleased song?

There was a song that Hyunjin and Chan recorded years ago that Chan supposedly lost. We got a snippet of it and when I heard it I went feral because like Red Lights part 2???! PLEASE I NEED THIS SONG LIKE I NEED AIR! Chan like wtf do you mean you lost the track?! FIND IT. RECORD IT AGAIN. 

Also, all the solo performances they did at the opening concert in Seoul for the DominATE tour. Yeah, I need all those unreleased songs to be RELEASED right tf now. Give us another Replay album! And Chan… ykw let me shut up and be good for once, but I just wanna say THE GRASS AINT WORKING 

5. Favorite old song of theirs? Favorite song from their most recent project?

HEYDAY by 3racha. The whole song is a vibe but Jisung’s lazy rap when he first starts his part just does something to me 😩 

In regard to the whole group, I’d say the song 'YAYAYA' is one of my go-to jams from their older stuff. I love the tempo changes, scratches my brain in a good way.

Now as for the new album “ATE” this may be controversial to say but “I like it” is my favorite. It’s just so catchy!

6. Has your bias/bias line changed?

Since the last time I did this, yes and no? I mean as I’ve grown more as a stay I can confidently say OT8! But if I was forced to choose I say Hyunjin no surprise there and Minho.

7. What about your wreckers?

Chan continues to wreck me every. single. day. Like it’s truly insane, that man KNOWS what he’s doing. I’d also like to add that I.N has been wrecking me left and right the last few months which I blame his hyungs for that. 

NOW FOR THE UNHINGED QUESTIONS!

Please skip this portion if it makes you uncomfortable. This is the delulu brain talking. 

8. Which member are you attracted to the most physically? What about emotionally?

Physically I’m going to say OT8! Like have you seen those MEN?! I would be lucky to even get a crumb from them like bffr. Changbin, Hyunjin & Minho

Emotionally probably Changbin & Chan. From the glimpses we get of their true feelings & perspectives on things I relate to them the most. Honorable mention for this one will be Hyunjin because he’s such a romantic and I wanna say Seungmin too. I feel like before we didn’t get to see a lot of Seungmin ‘off camera’ per se, but with his [Song by] series we get to see more of his real personality and thoughts.

9. If you ever actually had the chance, who do you think you’d work out in a long-term relationship with (please remember the first rule of Kpop)? 

Probably, Changbin. Mans is a walking green flag. He’s a good listener, considerate of other’s feelings while still being honest. Always there for you. Funny af too. Overall, considering how I am as a person I think, Changbin would just be a good match for me. Like in my delulu brain me and Binnie would have that friends to lovers trope going for us. Even my dearest honey bun thinks so, she did write about it for me afterall💕 

10. A favorite kink of yours and member to fit that kink?

To keep it somewhat light in the kink department I’m going to go with hands. And a member to fit it the best, aka who I think has the most attractive hands will go to Jeongin. Innie has giant and such well structured hands. Rings sit so pretty on his fingers too which makes me feral. Like AHHDKSISVJKDW please grip my wrists and throat sir! *ahem* I mean, please let’s hold hands 🫶🏽 

Honorable hands mention will go to Minho because the veins on that man’s hands are just so ✨🥴

11. Favorite sluttiest choreography/move they’ve done?

Damn do I have a lot for this one *cracks knuckles*

The choreo for Silent Cry. Need I say more?

Anytime Hyunjin body rolls

Every single hip thrust/roll from Minho

The “POPPIN 🗣️” part in Maniac, especially when Binnie does it.

That one part in Charmer. Y’all know exactly what part I’m talking about.

Red lights. Need I say more, pt 2

The entire choreo for Taste. Bonus points to Minho when he did the special stage where he’s fucking hip thrusting from the side (I hope y’all know which one I’m mentioning here)

12. Most unhinged fic or edit you have enjoyed of them?

There’s a lot for this question too but I’ll keep it short. I’ll start with unhinged fics. I enjoy dark themes because let’s face it. Trauma. Please be warned these fics aren’t for the faint of heart, so if you read them, be warned. Some are lighter than others, but please read warnings!

Game Over feat. Seungmin & I.N by @sanakimohara

Games feat. I.N by @dandelions-143

Chemical Infatuation feat. Han by @hanjisick

ABANB series feat. OT8! by @doitforbangchan

The SKZ House series feat. Chan & Hyunjin by @writeonwhiskey

As for edits, there are even more that I enjoy. But I’ll only choose 1 for the sake of time and it’s only letting me attach one video.

Alright, that’s it! Thanks for reading if you stuck it out this far! I really didn't intend for it to be this long but it was so fun that I got carried away. Now for tags, I’ll go with my typical beautiful babes @doitforbangchan @jehhskz @torialefay + anyone else who wants to join!

[sirsealery]

grrrr BARKBAKRBAKRBKARBARK I LOVE SOUNDTRACKS !!!!!!!!! KSJKVGFCYDRTYGUHIJ I LOVE SOUNDTRACKS SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!! i need every soundtrack ive ever heard to be injected into me so that i can consume and become them i need to become one with the music so bad it is not funny i need this more than i need anything else urghhhhhhhhh please ..... please i will die happy if i become the music (gonna yap a shit ton about various media soundtracks beware) (line break because its really long uhh) (mild and accidental sotr spoiler)

i dont know how to put it into words ... but the final scene in tlou ?? the path ???? GANG. the "ttltllltlllltllltltlltltltl" PLAYS IN MY HEAD EVERY SINGLE DAY I NEED IT SO BAD. ill prolly say this a couple of times but i am going to rip my hair out i LOVE the path. only the path will save me gustavo santaolalla my heart is yours you can take my life and my soul. pleaseeee tell me someone else needs the tlou soundtrack as viscerally as i do because it really isnt funny i dont own a guitar and dont have the money to buy one (or the time to practice i dont practice my own instrument nearly enough .. oops) but my friend has one and all i ever wanna play is this damn game soundtrack i literally. am so unwell. please.

arcane soundtrack. i know everyone knows and loves it but every time i listen to any of the sounds i go absolutely fucking feral. playground? yes please. what could have been? YES. our love?? i am dancing and dancing around my room and my downstairs neighbors are about to send a complaint. DYNASTIES AND FUCKING DYSTOPIA??????? IM CRASHING OUTT GANG DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON GUNS FOR HIRE. DONT GET ME STARTED BECAUSE I AM SOBBING AND HITTING THE GROUND AND BAWLING GANGG. KISS YOUR PERFECT DAY GOODBYEEEEEE BECAUSE THE WORLDDDD IS ON FIREEEEEEEEEEEEE AJNEDBHUGVYTFU

and we're only on season 1. i legitimately think season 2 woke something inside me and its UNWELL. IT IS A CREATURE THAT IS TEARING THE PAINT OFF OF MY WALLS. to ashes and blood had me going absolutely wild for a language that isnt REAL GUYS ARE YOU FEELING ME OR NAH. ARE YOU FEELING ME OR FUCKING NAH BEYFET IHRU GA AHUNI LEKCHOOO BAYUN HABAB AHUNI LEKCHOOOOOOO IM FLIPPING MY SHIT i would do worse than kill to have a spot in that child choir you do not understand. paint the town blue is fucking fire its the first song i heard because i saw ashnikko and got excited before even watching the show and i love it !!!! i love paint the town blue so much !!!!!! need to hear it for the first time again PLEASE !!!!!!!! im actually somewhat normal about the line ive only screamed the lines until my throat hurt a couple of times ... which if you see some of the jayvik fans they go buck wild for it lmao. fantastic was peak lesbian shit i love it !! i totally didnt get the words super duper wrong for like a month but thats not important i dont think .. made me kinda sad after my ex broke up with me because i was no longer feeling fantastic but straight up WE ARE SO BACK AND WE ARE FEELING AMAZING, FUCKING AMAZING !!!!! cocktail molotov is so cathartic to listen to i love imagining punching holes into my walls whenever i listen to it (and i love vi i love the pitfighter montage more than a concerning number of things .. that shot where the camera spins around her and she lifts her fist into the air?? yes fucking please ill take three)

okay gonna cut it off so its not obscenely fucking long (can you tell i really love arcane season 2's soundtrack) but ermm time for my top 2 because !!! because !!!!!! i know these are popular picks but ig first of all lets go with ma meilleure ennemie because i know thats the fan favorite and for GOOD REASON. literally i wasnt going to watch arcane until i saw the soundtrack and saw that stromae (my KING) was in it and that was the day i started my downwards spiral (/jokes. well not really.) i love this song i was so worried theyd make stromae sing in english (not sure why) but the timebomb scene killed and then ressurected me. i have ascended to a separate astral plane. "je t'aime je te hais" dude just kill me already we're five seconds in. tu sais cquon dittttt sois pres dtes amis les plus chers MAIS AUSSIIIIIIIII look man ive been a stromae fan since i was a kid and hearing him on here is like seeing my captain america in my goddamn apartment okay it was life changing. and id never heard pomme before but shes actually majestic i NEED to listen to more french music idk why ive been so hesitant (anyone like michel sardou ... im not a senior citizen i swear my dad loves him if anyone likes michel sardou please talk to me i love that man) (les lacs du connemara is our favorite car karaoke song michel sardou i know youre too old and i respect that but please perform again it itll make my poor old man so happy) anyways back to pomme i LOVE HER VERSE SO MUCH !!!!! "pourquoi ton prenom me blesse? quand il se cache .. juste la dans lespace. cest quelle emotion la haine .. ou la douceur, QUAND JENTENDS TON PREEENOMM JE TAVAIS DITT NE REGARGE PAS EN ARRIERE LE PASSE QUI TE SUIT TE FAIT LA GUERRE" marry me miss pomme i love you .. and naturally the chorus is the greatest thing ever written okay i love arcane's music in other languages so much

and my other favorite. ishas song. ohhh ishas song nothing in the world will ever let me recover from the damage it inflicted upon me. eason chan i hated songs in chinese until you (fuck c-rap fuck 生僻字 i say with a soft and warm feeling in my heart) but ohhhhhhhhh eason chan. just cut me open itll hurt less. i dont think ive gone a day since watching s2 ep6 without thinking about this song. i honestly didnt realize it was in mandarin until i watched the music video because i was so overwhelmed by the scene which is very embarrassing for me but uh. 世界满是恍惚我们抬头就能看见月亮 在我们还是孩子的模样 im so ill okay im so incredibly ill the whole scene with the changing art style and the blue flicker in jinx's eyes and the sheer joy in their faces god i miss them so much isha please my baby i love that they made ishas song in mandarin i love it so so so much "我这样就很好" oh so. we're just gonna end it like that huh. no hug or kiss no nothing is it. not gonna tuck me in or give me a tissue at least i guess. just leave me to bleed i suppose. sighhhh

THE HUNGER GAMES !!!!! been listening to all the songs a lot recently and i love the songs !!! the hanging tree always will have a very special place in my heart because yes i will be coming to the tree where they strung up a man they say who murdered three. someone said one time it was like a french revolution song and as "ça ira"s number one fan i can confirm. and then in the mockingjay movie .. fuck the pop version but the group version with the scene where they blow up the forest and then the dam makes me cry every time i watch it. i love choral and orchestral music guys. and the ballad soundtrack. mmmmm the ballad soundtrack. rachel zegler's voice is beyond angelic its so perfectly painfully human and alive and fighting and afraid and loving and MMMMMMMMM. i love nothing you can take i love the covey say what you want about sotr but i was so happy to have the covey back theyre my favorites. nothing you can taaaaaake was ever worth keeping .. BAMBADAMBAMBAMMMM !!! i love the hob scene so freaking much shes so pretty and beautiful i love lucy gray baird. pure as the driven snow pulls at my heart every time and its funny and ironic in hindsight but i love the way she says "snow oh oh ohhhhhh" DO THAT AGAIN PLEASE. DO IT AGAIN UNTIL THE DAY I DIE. and my current fav is absolutely the old therebefore ive listened to it a disgusting number of times in the past couple weeks. i love the snakes scene version and i love the accapella version gang "youre headed for heaven" yes i am. "the sweet old hereafter" i love the first verse so so so much please if one day i die and go to heaven i really hope that this song plays on my ascent i hope for it more than anything. and i think about burdock singing it and i love it so much. i have a random headcanon that he sings it at every tribute funeral and i wonder if anyone sings it for his .. some of my friends say yes and some say no i honestly dont know. um. "right here in the old therebefore .. when nothing is left anymoreee"

ermm why not finish it with dune part 2 right. it got a grammy and im DAMN HAPPY FOR IT. i remember near sobbing in the cinemas i love hans zimmer so very much sir i love you very very very much it really sealed the movie for me. the cinematography was absolutely fire and the whole thing was so well executed but the soundtrack .. the soundtrack legitimately brought tears to my eyes. i love music guys i love music so so much okay bye

[alyjojo]

Gemini Yearly Career & Finance Reading 🪖2024

Preshuffle: You’re being shown at crossroads, genuinely stuck between the old and the new. It’s like you’re leaning towards the new, you’ve been hurt by whatever exists currently, you have many reasons to just let it go and move on with your life…but at the same time you have valid reasons to defend yourself should you choose to stay, logical ones. The Moon at the bottom show a lot being unknown to you and fear dominating your mind because of it.

Meditation: Very short meditation, mostly just a song, “Carousel” by Melanie Martinez. Love her 😍 And it was her *in that era* (that’s important) going around and around on a carousel, singing the song. She’s since changed a lot though, and so have you. Are you still playing out an old persona of yours? It feels like a shedding of skin is necessary, snakes 🐍 could mean something for you. Or lizards. This line in particular was highlighted: “But you already bought a ticket and there's no turning back now”

The whole song is about love, a difficult relationship could be part of this, I try not to focus on that in a career reading, but sometimes they’re intertwined financially, it is what it is.

Main Energy: 8 Pentacles

Pause & Delay are the first oracles to come out, followed by Happy Accident & Direction together. Work exists, you currently have something that pays the bills, and I don’t see any cards out initially of wanting for anything financially. It’s like work is work, and you show up every single day, giving them 100% every time. But it’s not your main priority, or you may think of changing things for this reason or that, ultimately you’re a logical person that puts a lot of effort into what you do. It could even be a specific or specialist type of job, it’s not something where there are dozens of opportunities. Once in a blue moon there might be a listing for an Ecologist with the kind of salary thats *better than* what you have, possibly having been somewhere for many years it’s only gotten higher. But still, it’s 1,000 miles away. There are reasons, I keep hearing that, and they’re valid. There’s a lot of waiting energy, with this crossroads, it’s like you don’t know which part of you or even life is a phase. If you do end up moving on, will you miss the old? Or are you legitimately shedding your skin & a different person now, needing new things? Does it have to be work? Pause & Delay shows time will tell, and until this “Happy Accident”, keep giving everything you do the same effort you always have, 8 Pentacles is a very detailed & perfectionist energy, you’re likely the best at whatever you do, or that’s your aim. Some of you may be students on the way to this, and any setbacks would probably be more school related than work, for my youngins, I have some young Page energy showing up. You could be paying for kids’ education. I won’t stick with that story, just apply it to school 🍎

January: 2 Swords & Strength

Oracles: Excitement

Zodiac Signs: Pisces, Gemini Mercury

A good place to start, matches the preshuffle. It’s not shown as a crossroads here though, it’s more like “should I refrain from the new”, again showing it’s something new that’s calling you. Something that fills your heart, makes you happy, you’ve received some sort of clarity or news (maybe a job posting) that makes you feel like THIS could be the thing, your 10 Cups possibly. If it’s a relationship, it could be, it would be one where leaving a job might have to be considered. Yours or theirs, either, you could live at a distance. Or you’ve just realized maybe evening shift is the worst thing on the planet, you never see anyone, you’re feeling disconnected and now realize you need different hours. It could just be that, shifting hours, leaving *something*. A position for another. If you’ve gotten into a relationship very quickly, that’s where the “you’ve already bought a ticket” line is coming in. I don’t see that being a bad thing, you may hold back from this person at work, or you have to, you’re a surgeon and you’re busy. You’d like to have a new lease on life, a rekindling of a relationship, whatever the thing is something that’s being desired with your heart, emotionally, to make you happier than you’ve ever been, or for your family, 10 Cups. Maybe building a family. Whether you actually act on it or not…I don’t think is the point, at least not yet. It makes you FEEL something really good, in your heart, redirects you back towards what’s important, or shows you a whole new way of being that you deeply admire & want. Could be a new hobby you’re obsessed with.

February: 6 Pentacles rev & 5 Swords

Oracles: Protection

Zodiac Signs: Taurus, Aquarius, Aries Moon

There’s someone around you, an authority figure or boss, that you see as an asshole, and you’re generally just not that friendly to. You’re not unfriendly, you could get paid from this person, but you’re not friendly either. 5 Swords shows up here and on the bottom of the deck, this is someone that likes to prove a point, knock people down a peg, flex their intellectual superiority on some level…or that can be you by means of “I ain’t doing anything for them”, purposely coming up with clever quips or “humbling” snark, because you can’t stand them. Or that’s why you can’t stand them. There’s a lack of mutual reciprocity between you that’s the problem, one person may do a lot more than the other one, but the other one gets paid more. It may have nothing to do with their personality at all and is just bitterness like “how’d they get where they are!” And you’re where you are. Either way, you’re internally conflicted about being nice to this person, or you’re obligated to even though you’d rather not. This could be someone outside of work, that is offered something at their own job, and you’re kinda jealous and bitter about it, whether they did anything wrong or not. I don’t see you as not well off though, and whoever has this issue, it’s one sided. Authority at the bottom of the oracles show a boss for most, maybe someone becoming your boss and it’s Chad the Jackass, your eyes want to roll back into your head. You may want to give less to this situation because of something like this. Could be a parent/family member that is demeaning with money, acts better than everyone, talks to you like a moron. Of course they get more money/opportunities, they totally need it 🙄 It’s snide, petty, arrogant. Especially if they hold it over your head. For someone, this could be a romantic partner, and this comparison dynamic is unhealthy, or someone making a lot more than the other possibly, breeds resentment.

March: Judgement rev & Page of Swords

Oracles: Detachment

Zodiac Signs: Leo, Scorpio, Heavy Aquarius Sun/Venus

Power on the bottom of the oracles, fixed signs/energy could be your issue. Stubborn know it alls that do things in a particular way and aren’t very flexible or accepting of outside perspectives, “my way or the highway” mentality. Or this lack of flexibility could be your own issue and Detachment is your advice, if you’re stuck to your view on things and stubbornly critical or petty towards others’ views. Either/both. Someone is succeeding, possibly being promoted, someone you don’t like, but you’re holding back your harsh feelings of Judgement and just observing from a distance. If there’s been actual conflict between you and this person, you’re just done talking to them, interacting with them, focused on yourself and your own happiness, success, long term career growth. You may not see it immediately, but this situation may be a catalyst for you to move in your own direction, succeed in your own way, no pettiness required. Judgement rev is like a lesson you’re failing to learn, it seems to center around bitterness. So someone is doing well, cool, you do well too! Or find your own lane that you can do that in, whatever that is. For some, more education may be needed with Page of Swords, or you could *be* more educated than this person and still they rise. It’s a dick measuring contest fr, you need to detach from this specific thing and address what it is in you that feels “less than”, the root cause, seems to be a lack of attention, praise, perks, accolades, money, titles, etc. How can you get the same thing? Let it inspire you 💡

April: 4 Swords & Queen of Pentacles

Oracles: Concentration

Zodiac Signs: Gemini Saturn

You need a break, a vacation, or will, for some that’s already planned and for others could be forced by illness. Mentally detach, same as last month, you can’t put out a fire inside the house? Is that how it goes? That’s what I heard. Queen of Pentacles shows you on top of your shit, you work all day long, take care of the bills, grocery shop, fix things, build things, side hustle, always doing something. Gemini Saturn is like…you’re not even honoring your own energy, it’s a burden or something that “needs discipline”. You’re holding back your feelings, from friends, loved ones, coworkers, maybe even the people at work that could actually do something about it, you’re not one to speak up and be like “hey, over here, I work hard every day, promote me”. Sometimes that works. Or they’d be aware for next time anyway that it’s your intention to rise or you might consider other options, boss bitch energy. Not that you won’t, just not this month, it seems like you’re trying to get a reign on your perspective - perception vs truth - so that you may handle an issue in a mature and appropriate way. King & Knight of Swords at the bottom, you’re not presenting a bunch of fluff, what you say needs to make sense, so you’re working through your emotions and formulating that in your head before just acting/speaking.

For someone, you could be ill or someone around you is, if so there’s another person around that loves you (or you for them) and is nurturing them back to health - that could be the focus this month and the rest is handled privately in your quiet moments. Going along to get along with others, for the time being. If you’re going on vacation, it could be a romantic getaway that others aren’t really privy to, and work just isn’t the priority. If you’re not resting at all, you need to 💯 Or you’re not getting enough sleep, doing too much, you’re conflicted and distracted and need a break to recharge, focus, and strategically formulate a plan of conversation/truth it looks like. What to do about it?

May: King of Pentacles & 5 Wands

Oracles: Revenge

Zodiac Signs: Heavy Leo & Scorpio Mars

Oooh, the pride wafting off of these cards is just…palpable. Whew. Someone is arrogant, kinda selfish, taking immediate or spontaneous action that may or may not actually work out for themselves, because they obsessively plot revenge…but is the revenge worthwhile? Does it have anything to do with what’s actually happened to offend whoever is offended? Or does it seem mean in the way that it’s done? Bullying even, Mars Scorpio can be ruthless. The story of Perseus and Medusa is shown by this Mars Scorpio card and I have to mention it. Perseus thought he was a hero, and was glorified as such, but if you read Medusa’s story…he was just a pawn sent by a jealous biatch. An unconscious villain, an accomplice. You or someone else, King of Pentacles shows up again as the adversary, could be a boss, maybe a partner for someone (not everyone) just because of matching Pentacles, a friend, a parent, authority. 5 Wands shows competition, again you two must keep measures in your drawers to check how long your dicks are (metaphorically for women ofc) because that’s all this is. Constant comparison, tit for tat, you get hurt and lash out at someone else for winning, being successful, it’s projection, immaturity, and jealousy. Or someone is this way towards you, it’s a problem no matter who it is. Power trips being shown at the bottom of the oracles, more Scorpio energy. You could be dealing with a Taurus, King of Pentacles, specifically one with Algol on or within 5 degrees of a personal placement. For most in these recent generations, Algol is around 25’ Taurus, it’s not widely used but Taureans themselves often seem to resonate. If it’s 3’ it’s not them, the closer it is the higher the trigger. Or you could have this, that’s a rabbit hole for you to explore if you do, there is a lot written about it & I’ll never get off of here. Algol is Medusa, you and another person could be playing off a battle or relationship dynamic similar to this story. I’m also picking up on Lilith with this Power card on the bottom, that may play a direct role as well. You could be either person. It’s shadow work 💯

June: Knight of Cups & Page of Cups

Oracles: Indecision

Zodiac Signs: Heavy Pisces, Leo, Libra Venus

The tables turn, thank goodness. Not only is it many of your birthdays this month, but Jupiter is moving into your sign, which is likely to help bring more blessings your way over the next however long it’s here. At least a year, and at least some positive attention, recognition, perks should be coming your way. People are being really nice to you, loving even - especially a partner. If this is a contentious partner, it could feel kinda lovebombing, going by next month…keep your eyes open for false affection. Idk how you would, that’s only for someone with repeated issues, the partner is a problem & it’s known. If you’re on a “carousel”, then there’s a pattern of high highs and low lows. Could be you too. Indecision may be true, the cards don’t really support that other than “is kindness from others genuine or not?” The imagery on the card is light vs. dark, shadow work, it also shows an Angel in your corner in your time of need, and this shift in energy seems to be coming at just the right time. Not only that, Jupiter is said to be like having an Angel on your side, and that’s being literally shown. Venus is in her element in Libra, things will be loving, kind, and peaceful, even your own inner conflicts are liable to take a hike for a month so you can just enjoy yourself. The Chariot could show travel, you could be swept off your feet and taken somewhere amazing, or you have plans for a getaway with someone romantic. If not, you’re getting really good news on the career front, it’s followed by success, promotion, attention, a bonus, something is coming your way that makes you feel like it’s not all for nothing. Could be a new job opportunity for someone, maybe through a friend, this crossroads energy shows up at the bottom, and this may have to do with a “happy accident”.‘ That card is connected to Direction, The Chariot is direction, ambition, overcoming all obstacles towards success. You could find a better opportunity 1000 miles away, like I said before, and you’re definitely tempted. Some may even act immediately, YES 🙌 This could be love too, someone flirty or into you shifts your perspective greatly, boosts your ego, you realize you don’t actually have to put up with the bs you have been - if a partner has been the issue.

July: 9 Wands & The Emperor rev

Oracles: Isolation

Zodiac Signs: Sagittarius, Virgo Saturn

Virgo Saturn…some of you are working yourselves to death. Some of you may be injured or getting sick around this time. Or you’re over-worked with no concern for your health, not eating properly, over caffeinated and dehydrated, not taking care of yourself, of course it’s affecting you negatively. You have a lot of stress on your shoulders this month, crushing pressure, and you’d rather withdraw for awhile than be open and discuss it with others. A boss could be cracking the whip, forced over-time for someone, or there is an issue that would require long hours, even weekends, to fix. The Sun & The Lovers at the bottom, mirroring last month. Love is great, but work is killing you. If there’s been a lover/3rd party thing, that’s either come out already and has caused hurt in the relationship, or all of this stress is considering how to be honest about this situation. Do you even want someone new? It could’ve been a passing moment just to boost your ego, it happens sometimes. A flirty person at the gas station, or a coach at your kid’s school that gives you the eyes, whatever. It doesn’t have to become anything, it can just make you feel good, for some this is the crossroads. Do you stay or go? If not love, then it’s work. Whatever happened last month is still on your mind, you’re deeply burdened, pressured, you’ve done something a long time. Is new for you? Can you bring that happiness & success into what already exists - seems to be your main focus for most. Some of you may be overly critical of what already exists - Virgo Saturn, and are being led by excitement, impulse, spontaneity, humor, lust…the good stuff, Sag energy. That doesn’t last though, and this Isolation is necessary. If you’re overworked, the positive side is it gives you time to think, it’s shown that you don’t want to hurt anyone and don’t want to let other people down. Some of you could be hurting, literally, and need more rest/healing time. If you’re sick, hurt, injured, you’re irritated and critical af about it, you just want to have some FUN 🤩 It’s possible someone is being an arrogant, controlling, dictator asshole to you and it causes you to withdraw completely. Your person? Someone could mess around and get another person pregnant, that’s here too, and you’re deeply burdened or hurt by the Judgement of others. Or fear that. Or this isn’t your first child, and you’re burdened you’re doing this again. Probably with a different person for Judgement to be a thing. Could be a shitty or overly critical reaction from the other person that has you Isolated and hurt, but *you’re* happy.

August: 10 Cups & 10 Pentacles

Oracles: Enterprise

Zodiac Signs: Pisces, Leo, Aries Jupiter

Beautiful energy 🎊 Clarified by 10 Cups again. So you have an off month last month, someone could be full of worry and anxiety, someone may act like a jackass, illness could be a thing, it’s going to turn out for the best. You’ve been “warned”, just withdraw a bit and give things time, it’s needed. If you’re the one acting out, maybe don’t do that 🤷🏻‍♀️ This month, Aries Jupiter rushes in with no fear and takes control of a situation, aiming for enthusiasm, positivity, and success, which is exactly what’s happening. Celebration! You’re surrounded by supportive family, friends, coworkers, everyone around you is coming together to celebrate you and your happiness in some way, you’re not staying down for long. Even a partner, 10 Cups is romance, if they’ve been a way, I’m hearing “that’s how they are”, is that okay probably no, but they’re coming around. Altogether you have a very happy family and at least for this month, nothing could be better than what it is right now. If the good news in June was regarding work, it could go into effect this month, making your dreams come true - a promotion is definitely coming for someone. The same thing you were jealous of someone else for, or upset you didn’t have, is yours now, and with Jupiter Aries here, you can take credit for it too. You knew what you wanted and made it happen 💯 Spirit helped of course, but it’s a good month to pat yourself on the back and enjoy your wins!

September: 2 Cups & King of Swords

Oracles: Birth

Zodiac Signs: Aquarius, Cancer Sun/Venus

Someone is definitely pregnant. If so, financial concerns are the reason someone acted like a jackass. Is that okay, no, but you’re making up with this person that you’ve been disconnected with (off and on) even if you’ve never actually separated. King of Swords shows up twice, here and on the bottom, this is a logical and detached conversation about the wounds within the connection, what’s been said or done to cause pain, this person is stressed and really worried about you/them leaving - that’s not what they want. Whoever is hurt has considered leaving, but instead is going to persevere. If no baby, then it’s just a birth of a new chapter in your relationship, maybe new love altogether for some. There are anxieties, abandonment issues, past hurt and pain, walls to navigate and trust issues - 9 Wands, is it easy no. But they’re not giving up, or you’re not, the love is genuine. If single and no love, this can be platonic love with a best friend, an ex even, some sort of conversation happening where old hurt gets addressed so a new beginning can occur. It’s positive ❤️

October: The Hanged Man & The Sun

Oracles: Inspiration

Zodiac Signs: Capricorn, Heavy Pisces Sun/Mercury

Another beautiful month of everyone getting along well, cooperating, working together and appreciating each other for what they bring to the table. You may hold back a little bit, feeling kind of skeptical. It’s what you want, and things are going swell 😊 but are you being too optimistic? Queen of Pentacles at the bottom shows you still on top of things, taking care of everything around the home, at work, you’re very responsible and financially stable. Waiting for something, which is obvious for pregnancy, but the newness of something is still settling in and you’re just biding your time while the changes continue to come - Wheel of Fortune with this Queen. Lucky energy 🍀 Your new beginning is something very stable & worthwhile, even if you don’t trust it yet due to whatever has happened before. If nothing else, you’re allowing yourself to just be happy for awhile, and letting the pieces fall wherever they may, knowing changes are inevitable. It’s not an action taking month, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t active, you keep busy.

November: 7 Pentacles & 8 Swords

Oracles: Principle

Zodiac Signs: Sagittarius Sun/Jupiter

You are on a high horse this month, there’s a defensive energy about you where you feel like you need to stand up for up yourself and speak out against opposition in regards to personal morals, belief systems, what you want. For those pregnant, you and your person could have different views on circumcision, for example, but it becomes a whole thing because YOU have firm beliefs and will absolutely die on this hill! That’s fair, everyone has those things they stand by & believe in. Some of you are the opposite, you feel this way but you aren’t speaking up, or didnt when it mattered, so emotions are turning into paranoia, projection, assuming the worst, festered anger, and other things that aren’t very helpful. You could get mad about something and people around you legitimately have no idea where this came from or what your problem is. Moody, with The Moon at the bottom, and 8 Swords, keeping things to yourself is self-sabotage, but when/if they do come out, it’s super defensive and head-biting. You have a point to prove and a cause to fight for, minds to change and convince of something or other, or someone could be doing that to you, a very pushy individual, and you just stay quiet and *don’t* stand up for yourself - when you should. Either story. 5 Cups shows this will be something you regret, if you don’t, or you already do, it could also be defensive energy that’s simply sadness with a different face, or someone making you sad. If you’re ready to lash out, make sure you’ve got the facts and aren’t just flipping out over things you assume to be true, someone’s body language or a snotty expression, “obviously she meant abc when she actually said xyz” sort of energy. If you’re staying quiet, you should probably speak up now 🗣️

December: The Devil & 9 Swords

Oracles: Health

Zodiac Signs: Capricorn & Virgo

If there’s a pregnancy, someone may be high risk, be put on bed rest, Risk at the bottom of the oracles with health. At the bottom of the deck is more necessary rest, Queen of Pentacles (I assume you) is doing too much, thinking too much, working too much, honestly. Sit down. Put your feet up. There are legitimate warnings here if you don’t, you don’t want complications. The Hanged Man clarifies as a need to shift your perspective, see things from another angle, more towards the positive, for all of you. The Devil is in your anxiety, worries, stress, how much you’re taking on, seeing the glass as half empty (completely empty) and you’re the only one who can fill it. I don’t think you are though. You need time to allow things to change how they’re going to change, you don’t have control over this thing (but may be trying reaaaally hard to control it). Forced medical leave is here for someone, or even needing to switch around hours or positions temporarily to do less. Maybe you climb a lot of ladders and the doctor says no more ladders, so your job has you answering phones for however long it takes. Or you haven’t actually said anything (still) because you’re afraid of being let go. If you have a health issue that keeps coming back, it’s stressing you out because it’s interfering with work and you’re afraid you’re going to lose your job or people will not be willing to work with you like they have been. Some of you may simply be at risk for something genetic, and you have a lot of tests & blood work done that you have to wait for…which is taking forever, while you stress tf out in the meantime. You seem to worry about *the worst* possible outcome to any problem no matter what it is, and this may be part of the cycle (Carousel, The Devil) that needs to end. Keeping yourself trapped in stress and anxiety, what’s it doing for you? Some of you may be kept extra long at work on days when you 👏 have 👏 shit 👏 to 👏 do! Holiday stuff, busy busy, no I do NOT want to stay a few hours longer or work weekends. Will you say that no, you’ll just stress out about it.

*Does Gemini have anything to worry about with this health issue? - 9 Cups. If it’s addictive, a drug, or indulgent somehow, yes. This could show sweets, gestational diabetes for the pregnant women perhaps, some kind of slight allergy you just dismiss (you freakin love crab and do not even care, swell on), that would be a bigger issue/risk at this time. Otherwise this shows a dream come true, you could be worrying for nothing but need to get tested for things, be patient, and assume everything will be all right. If it’s not, you’ll know what to do when the time comes and not a moment sooner. The Devil can be about control, and a need to release that.

[d-criss-news]

20 Questions With Darren Criss: How Acting Has Helped Him Make New Music

While Darren Criss has graced our TV screens with a range of characters, from high schooler Blaine Anderson on Glee to serial killer Andrew Cunanan on The Assassination of Gianni Versace, he was last spotted just being himself, on our For You Page on TikTok. “I’m walking to rehearsal with a guitar on my back with a Trader Joe’s bag ... I did not bring an umbrella because I forgot that it was raining. I’m rocking that NYC musician life,” the Glee alum explained in the hilarious clip posted three days ago.

While Criss’ acting work has earned him acclaim and stardom, he leaned into making music during the pandemic. On Aug. 20, he dropped a new EP, Masquerade, featuring five new tracks that Criss says were inspired by the different characters Criss has embraced throughout his career. After Criss wrote songs for his musical comedy web series Royalties and Apple TV+’s animated sitcom Central Park before the pandemic struck the United States, he then used those experiences as a precursor to his new EP. As Criss continues to promote his new music, he answered 20 of Billboard's questions – giving us a peek into how his new EP came together, and how growing up in San Fransisco shaped him as an actor, singer and all-around artist.

1. What inspired your latest project, Masquerade?

Although I would have preferred that it come at a far less grim cost, I finally had the time. Before the pandemic, I had written 10 new songs for my show Royalties -- along with an original song for Disney and another for Apple’s Central Park. These were all assignments in which I was writing for a certain scenario and character. Go figure. It was the most music I had ever written in a calendar year. This really emboldened me to rethink how I made my own music— to start putting a focus on “character creation” in my songs, rather than personal reflection. The latter was not proving to be as productive. The alchemy of having this time and having set a new intention with my own songwriting and producing made me put on a few of my favorite masques and throw myself a Masquerade.

2. How do you think your background as an actor complements your music?

They are one and the same to me. I treat acting roles like musical pieces— dialogue is like scoring a melody; there’s pace, dynamics, cadence, tone. Physical characterization is like producing -- zeroing in on the bass line, deciding on the kick pattern. Vocal characterization is like choosing the right sonic experience, choosing the most effective snare sound, and mixing the high end or low end. It goes without saying that it works in the complete opposite direction. Making each song is taking on a different role literally and employing the use of different masques to maximize the effectiveness of the particular story being told.

3. On Instagram  you wrote that “Masquerade is a small collection of the variety of musical masques that have always inspired me.” Which track do you identify with most in your real life?

Everybody absorbs songs differently. Some key into the lyrics, some into the melody, some the production, some into vocal performance. When I listen to songs, I consider all of their value on totally different scales. So it’s hard to say if there’s any track I “identify” with more than any others, since I -- by nature -- identify with all of them. I think I just identify with certain aspects more than others. If it helps for a more interesting answer, I will say I enjoy the slightly more classical, playful -- dare I say -- more Broadway-leaning wordplay of “Walk of Shame,” but that’s just talking about lyricism. I enjoy the attitude of “F*kn Around,” the batsh--t musicality of “I Can’t Dance,” the relentless grooves of “Let’s” and “For A Night Like This.” All have different ingredients I really enjoy having an excuse to dive into.

4. What’s the first piece of music that you bought for yourself, and what was the medium?

Beatles audio cassettes: “Help” and “Hard Day’s Night.” I just listened on repeat on a tape-playing Walkman until my brother and I got a stereo for our room with a CD player in it, which was  when I just bought the same two albums again, but this time as compact discs.

5. What was the first concert you saw?It’s hard to say, because my parents took us to a lot of classical concerts when we were small. But I guess this question usually refers to what was the first concert you went to on your own volition, and that my friend, was definitely Warped Tour ’01. My brother and I went on our own— two teenagers going to their first music festival, in the golden age of that particular genre and culture. It was f--king incredible.

6. What did your parents do for a living when you were a kid?

My dad was in private banking and advised really, really wealthy people on how to handle their money. My mom was, by choice, a stay-at-home mom, but in reality, she was my dad’s consigliere. They discussed absolutely everything together. They were a real team, and I saw that every single day in the house. They both had a background in finance (That’s how they met in the first place.) and were incredibly skilled at all the hardcore adulting things that I absolutely suck at. They were total finance wizards together. So of course, instead of becoming an accountant, I picked up playing the guitar and ran as far I could with it. Luckily, they were all about it.

7. What was your favorite homecooked meal growing up?

My dad was an incredible chef. For special occasions, I’d request his crab cakes. They were unreal. I’ve never had a crab cake anywhere in the world that was good as my dad’s.

8. Who made you realize you could be an artist full-time?

I don’t know if I’ve actually realized that yet.

9. What’s at the top of your professional bucket list?

The specifics change every day, but the core idea at the top is to continue being consistently inconsistent with my choices, and to keep getting audiences to constantly reconsider their consideration of me. But I mean, sure, what performer doesn’t want to play Coachella? What songwriter doesn’t want to have Adele sing one of their songs? What actor doesn’t want to be in a Wes Anderson film?

10.  How did your hometown/city shape who you are?

San Francisco. I mean, come on. I was really lucky. The older I get, the more grateful I am for just being born and raised there. It’s an incredibly diverse, culturally rich, colorful, inclusive, vibrant city. By the time I was born, it had served as a beacon for millions of creative, out-of-the-box thinkers to gather and thrive. I grew up around that. The combination of that with having parents, who were unbelievably supportive of the arts themselves, laid an incredibly fortunate foundation to consider the life of an artist as a legitimately viable option. It’s a foundation that I am supremely aware is not the case for millions of young artists around the world. I was absurdly lucky.

11.  What’s the last song you listened to?

I mean probably one of mine, but not by choice. I know, lame. But I’m promoting a new EP, what’d you expect? But if you wanna know what I’ve been listening to, as far as new s--t is concerned: a lot of Lizzy McAlpine, Remi Wolf, and Charlie Burg.

12.  If you could see any artist in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?

The Beatles is an obvious "yeah, duh." Sammy Davis, Mel Tormé, or of course, Nat King Cole. I would’ve loved to see Howard Ashman give a lecture on his creative process and his body of work.

13. What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen happen in the crowd of one of your sets?

I feel like just having a crowd at all, at any one of my sets, is pretty wild enough.

14. What’s your karaoke go-to?

The real answer to this I’ll write into a book one day, because I have a lot to say about karaoke etiquette. I have two options here: I can either name a song that I like to sing for me, for fun, or I can name a song that really gets the group going. The answer depends on what kind of karaoke night we’re dealing with here. So I will say, after I’ve selected a ton of songs that services a decent enough party vibe for everyone else, then I would do one for me, and that would be the Beatles’ “Oh! Darling.”

15. What’s one thing your most devoted fans don’t know about you?

What I have up my sleeve.

16. What TV show did you binge-watch over the past year?

Dave is a stroke of genius. There are episodes that I believe are bona fide masterpieces. Also, My Brilliant Friend is a masterclass in cinematic television.

17. What movie, or song, always makes you cry?

It’s A Wonderful Life.

18. What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

Get used to sharing everything about yourself and your life now, or more astutely, to the idea that you don’t necessarily get to control how your life is shared. I know it’s not really your thing, but you’re gonna have to get used to it, so start building up those calluses now. And don’t worry, all the stuff you love now will be cool again in your mid-thirties, so keep some of those clothes because you’ll be a full-blown fashion icon if you just keep wearing exactly what you’re wearing. Oh nd also, put money into Apple and Facebook.

19.  What new hobby did you take on in the last year?

I’ve always been a linguaphile. My idea of leisure time is getting to study or review other languages. This past year, I took the time to finally dive into learning how to read, write, and speak Japanese. Other than making music, it was one of the biggest components of my 2020-2021.

20. What do you hope to accomplish or experience by the end of 2021?

I hope I get to play live shows again.

[actualbird]

nobody asked but here is every unraveled episode (as of may 2020) as how they’d be as a lover | a 2.5k word long post written in the style of an unraveled about unraveled and also love

Ah. Unraveled. Polygon’s golden boy of a video series where Brian David Gilbert is beckoned into a suit, lured into a blackbox studio, and is only granted escape after he has explained to three cameras whatever batshit video game adjacent thesis he has been cursed with this time. Unraveled is a wonderful video series, and we all love it.

But what if it could love us?

If you’ve ever asked this question to yourself, boy, do I have some content for you, because for the past 2 days, I’ve been working on this post where, for entirely too long, I explain to you how each Unraveled episode would be as a lover. And more importantly, which ones would be the best lovers.

Before I fall deep into this unhinged hole and take you down with me, I need to explain some things.

First: I want to make it clear that I am not categorizing BDG as he portrays himself in each Unraveled. I am instead taking each Unraveled episode as a fully formed being, the story, performance, etc, and letting that shape a character of its own. This character is where I extrapolate details from to create an Unraveled episode’s qualities as a lover. What I’m basically doing is anthropomorphizing Polygon dot com video content. And then making you date them. If this doesn’t make sense, don’t worry, it will as you read along. And if it helps you to visualize the Unraveled Episode As A Lover, I invite you to just imagine whomever it is you are most attracted to---or for those who don’t experience attraction, whomever it is you find most aesthetically pleasing---and then just add in the wild personality traits I describe through the course of this post.

Second: I know what you’re thinking. “Avian, the characteristics of what makes a good lover is subjective!” And I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve been through college, and I’ve witnessed my friends whom I love so dearly enter relationships with some of the most wack ass motherfuckers I’ve ever met. I know that people are into different things. But do I judge them for it? Well, kinda, yeah! Yes, what we want in a lover is subjective, but I’ve consumed a metric fuckton of romance media over the course of my life and am also in a wonderful relationship with my own girlfriend, and thus have my own personal idealized ranking for what makes a good lover. Feel free to disagree with my rankings of Unraveled Lovers, but also, I’m writing this post. I say this with as much love as I possibly can, but if you disagree with me, make your own post. If you don’t wanna make your own post, you’re just going to have to trust me for 2.1k more words.

With that out of the way, let me take you on a journey through the 23 Unraveled Lovers, from worst to best.

BAD TIER: I would probably advise you to break up with these Unraveled Lovers as soon as you are emotionally capable of doing so.

Hoo boy, we’re starting at the bottom. The perfectionists, the nitpickers, the emotionally unavailables. These Unraveled Lovers would have good intentions, but just have aspects within their personality that will wear you and your relationship together down until both of you can no longer take it.

“Ranking all 200+ Megaman robots” is a lover obsessed with the concept of “is this worth it?” They would unknowingly but inevitably rank parts of your own personality on a scale of ‘worth the trouble in this relationship’ and ‘not worth the trouble’. Any lover who deals with you with this kind of dichotomy is somebody you should not be with. You should be accepted and loved for all your parts, the beautiful and the ugly.

“How to make the perfect E3 press conference” is a lover who spent years consuming romance media and has a list of what makes the perfect relationship. So not only do they have unrealistic expectations for what a relationship is, but they will be obsessed with reaching that unreachable perfection. That will definitely put a strain on your relationship until the veneer of desired perfection crumbles away, leaving you both tired and sad.

On a less deep note, “How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters” just won’t remember any of the names of your friends or family. Sure, they’ll try, but they’ll give up in like 15 minutes and you’ll never be able to take this Unraveled Lover to a family reunion or a party with your friends. Probably not a dealbreaker, but as the Spice Girls said “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” This Unraveled Lover will not. Next.

“No one asked but I found Mortal Kombat’s best cuddler” and “I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania’s hottest monster” are two Unraveled Lovers with a similar problem: they both won’t shut the fuck up about their exes. Mortal Kuddler constantly brings up all the other cuddles they’ve experienced and Castlevanias Hottest Monster will tell you you’re beautiful, but also bring up like 69 other monsters they think are also beautiful. This might not be a red flag, but personally, this would tire me out, always being thought of in comparison or contrast to others.

That ends the BAD TIER and brings us to the OKAY TIER where a large chunk of the Unraveled Lovers fall into, so much so that I had to create more specific sub tiers under the OKAY TIER.

So let’s get into the OKAY TIER: These Unraveleds Lovers are alright, you’ll just have a sublimely weird relationship.

These Unraveled Lovers will treat you right but they’re also just very peculiar. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I’m here to explain to you just in what ways these okayest lovers are bizarre. Let’s start with the first sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: College Students who are way too into their major

There are a lot of Unraveled Lovers under this subtier, and this shouldn’t surprise you, because Unraveleds are inherently nerdy. These are lovers that will be good to you but also just never fucking shut up about what it is they’re studying.

“I read all 337 books of Skyrim so that you don’t have to” and "Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story" are Creative Writing majors obsessed with analyzing every single thing they read. As a Creative Writing major myself, I would advise you to never date a Creative Writing major unless you are a Creative Writing major yourself. I think that’s the only way the relationship can be ethical. Being sent essays from the New Yorker every day would be torture if you didn’t actively enjoy it.

“We made all 78 Breath of Wild recipes in one day” is a Culinary Arts major and, score, they’re gonna wanna cook for you! A lot! Beware though, because it’ll be a hit or miss on whether or not the food will be good, but you must admit, that there is nothing quite as attractive as your lover making you food (let’s just hope the food doesn’t harm you).

“Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations” is going to law school and that should be a dealbreaker in itself, but I’ll be a bit lenient because they’re always working towards the safety of everybody. This Unraveled Lover will always remind you to put your seatbelt on and also tell you exactly what laws you are violating.

“Bowser’s military hierarchy” is a Political Science major, and Political Science majors scare me. So I’ll just say they’re okay, and leave it at that.

“Which Dark Souls Boss is the best manager?” is a rare non-evil Management major because they actually truly care for the welfare of employees. They just will always talk about it, even when you guys are on a date. I know worker’s rights are important, but it’s not exactly what I want to talk about in between kisses, yknow?

“I fixed Fallout’s music by creating a totally new genre” is a Music major who keeps accidentally making Ska love songs to you. You didn’t know Ska love songs could be a thing. This Unraveled Lover makes it a thing.

“Scientifically Calculating the Game of the Year” is a Math major so you will never have to worry about calculating bills because they can do it for you.

“Calculate your pet’s HP with my 100% legitimate formula” is a Veterinary Medicine major so if you’re an animal lover, this Unraveled is the one for you! Just beware, because this Unraveled Lover will also spend a lot of time observing you from afar to quantify your health points, but both of you will inexplicably find this activity strengthens your relationship.

And last but not least for this sub tier, “When can Mario retire?” is a disillusioned Accounting and Finance major who chose this line of study to get a job and, through the years, realized what a hellscape capitalism is. You may have to deal with a lot of zoning out and staring off into the distance, with this Unraveled Lover, but a lover who hates capitalism sure is a good egg.

That brings us to our next sub tier!

OKAY SUB TIER: Cultists or Conspiracy Theorists (AKA...College Students who are way too into their extracurriculars)

These Unraveled Lovers are alright! They’re just a little bit off the shits.

“Every Sonic game is blasphemous” will get really really worked up about things and probably try to start a cult. For most, that’s a definite dealbreaker, but what makes Sonic Bible an okay lover is that they eventually calm down from the cult outburst and apologize. So this Unraveled Lover will treat you well, you just have to be ready to ground them when they get a little bit bonkers.

“Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 minutes” is very similar to Sonic Bible, except instead of starting a cult, every once in a while they’ll just sit you down on a chair and explain to you their latest obsession while slowly and intensely stripping. Which, hey, that could make for a fun night, if you’re into that kinda stuff! Definitely okay in my book.

That brings us to our last okay sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: Your Unraveled Lover might need to schedule some sessions with a therapist, and that’s Okay

Listen, we all have baggage. We all have problems. These are Unraveled Lovers who want to be the best for you, but at the same time have issues of their own, and you’re going to have to support them when they pop into their local psych clinic to make themselves better people.

“Waluigi” is an Unraveled Lover who is going through some identity issues. They want to be good for you, but they don’t even know who exactly they are. They may feel as if they are tricking you into being in this relationship, that they aren’t who you think they are, and while these fears are irrational, they wholeheartedly believe it and will never feel fully secure in this relationship until they have made peace with themselves. If you love this Unraveled Lover, you’re going to have to stick with them as they learn more about who they are.

“Kirby” is an Unraveled Lover who, for some reason, is obsessed with the constant quest to make things make sense. This need of theirs bleeds into every aspect of their life and can definitely affect your relationship. This Unraveled Lover may sometimes perhaps cite that they don’t deserve you because they can’t seem to figure out a logical and objective answer for why you are with them. This issue of treating everything like a puzzle to solve is an issue they will have to work out and recover from, and they will be receptive to this process of recovery because they cherish the relationship they have with you and understand that not everything has to be solved; some things can just be felt. If you choose to stay with this Unraveled Lover, you must be prepared to support them when they take a mysterious but needed soul searching journey in the woods. You must be prepared to sit with them along the shores of the beach and reassure them that life is about living, not about answers.

And that, dear readers, ends the OKAY TIERs. Now it’s time for the tier you have all been waiting for.

Drumroll, please!

GOOD TIER: Pop open the champagne, bring out the strawberries dipped in chocolate, and let Spotify play Careless Whisper, baby, because we’re in the Ideal Lover zone.

Welcome to the Ideal Lover Zone. Here, we have three Unraveled Lovers who are just extremely good fellas.

“I used the Sims to perfect my apartment” is an Unraveled Lover who will work their hardest to be the best for you, but unlike the BAD TIER perfectionists, it will naturally dawn to them that perfection is unattainable. After this realization, they will find comfort and happiness in your romantic relationship and the other healthy relationships they have with other people. This Unraveled Lover will be sincere with you when the time calls for it, but will also not be afraid to be goofy for it. Above all, this Unraveled Lover will ask for help when they need it. They may often be shy, at first, but they understand their limits and will openly communicate to you when situations call for it. Communication is the bedrock of any good relationship, and this Unraveled Lover will never keep you guessing.

“The Perfect Pokerap” is similar to the Sims, in the sense that they will at first strive for perfection in the honeymoon phase of your relationship but then understand that that isn’t possible and then set more reasonable and realistic goals. What sets this Unraveled Lover out from the crowd though is just how much they cherish you. How devoted they are to you. The love you will feel in this relationship will be transcendental, and, even if you do break up, this Unraveled Lover will never forget you.

And finally. Who---according to me, a mildly delirious 21 year old rando on the internet---is the most ideal Unraveled Lover?

It’s “Find your Kojima name with my simple 11 page form.” Why? Because this Unraveled Lover wants to know you. They want to know everything about you, the parts you like and the parts you don’t like. This is a lover who will not shy away from any aspect of yourself, but instead, embrace you for who you are as a full fledged person.

They’ll also give you a whack ass pet name, and boy, isn’t that romantic?

Well, there you have it. All (as of May, 2020) of the Unraveled Episodes as 23 Unraveled Lovers. What did I learn from this endeavor? That romantic love is complicated, but if you’re into it, it is definitely worth the trials and tribulations.

...As long as I’m not dating the Castlevania Unraveled. Seriously, when we’re making out, I don’t wanna hear about how sexy the Hyena With Gun is. Learn how to read the room, dude.

(Thanks for reading.)

[inkykeiji]

hello, bby💞💞 i absolutely ADORE everything u write, ur insanely talented!! I wanted to ask, you’ve mentioned several pieces of art, precisely songs and films, that have inspired ur work; could u give us some music and movie recommendations that have similar vibe to some of ur fics??? Thank u in advance, I hope u have an incredible day/evening, lysm💓💞💖

THIS QUESTION OOOOOOOH YES ANON YES okay okay first of all, thank you so much!!!! i appreciate that a lot <333 YES i love film so much hehehe <3 my music recommendations are pretty much the same as they always are. the films i’m recommending here; i’m not exactly sure if they have a similar vibe to my fics as i’ve found it difficult to find many films that fit that criteria, but here’s a nice huge list of films that have influenced my main series’, and how!!

beware!! very long post under the cut hehehe AND POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR BMB IF YOU KNOW THE FILMS HEHEHEHEHE

𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬

the godfather, part 1 + part 2

AAAAAAAAH okay, literally one of my favourite films of all time, the godfather (+ the godfather pt 2) is a fucking masterpiece. tomura’s close relationship with his father was both inspired by bnha itself as well as michael corleone’s relationship with his father, vito. michael is the golden child even though he’s the youngest, and i love love love how cold and ruthless he can be!!! he’s also super smart.

goodfellas

listen. if henry hill from goodfellas and michael corleone from the godfather had a baby, it would be tomura. he’s slightly more henry than he is michael, but his characterization pulls from both of these characters!! henry is fun, he’s reckless, he’s young, he feels like a god and he loves cocaine. henry also becomes very paranoid, a path with tomura is currently speeding down (albeit much more intensely, with legitimate mental health issues, but you get it). i also love the subtle ‘mafia princess’ trope goodfellas has going on with henry’s wife, karen (that scene where she says she’s going shopping and asks him for money, and he takes out that massive wad of cash?????? brilliant, one of my faves hehehe). henry also has some difficulty dealing with his emotions!!

narcos season 1 + 2

k, i can’t say too much about how this incredible show inspired bmb; i kind of feel like listing it is already giving away too much hehehe BUT i love the pure POWER pablo exudes, and i love his relationship with his wife and how family oriented he is.

scarface (both the original 1932 version and the 1983 version)

WOOOOOOOOOO OKAY. for the 1983 film: cocaine my friends. cocaine and violence and toxic relationships!!!!!!!  i kind of love elvira hancock more than anything else; she’s so glamorous and fun and just aaaaah she’s definitely not as ‘baby’ or ‘good girl’ as bmb!reader is, but her sheer class and cute dresses and just how SPOILED she is reminds me a lot of bmb! for both 1932 + 1983: tony’s relationship with his sister, gina (which tbh borders on incest). gina’s another one of those ‘mafia princess’ types, and tony is extremely overprotective of her and spoils her like mad, too. she’s also fits that ‘good girl’ archetype a lot more!!

reservoir dogs

purely the violence. the violence the violence the violence, the crude and crass way the men talk to each other, and the fact that they’re like a lil organized crime group put together by a boss. i am IN LOVE (IN LOVEEEEEEEE) with mr blonde (aka vic vega <333). mr blonde’s extreme sadism reminds me quite a bit of both dabi and tomura, and he’s even referenced in the lil torture piece i wrote!! also, you literally cannot tell me that vic wouldn’t spoil the absolute HELL out of his good lil princess if he had one <3

(not a film, but!!!!!) hamlet

break my bones is very very very loosely based on hamlet (which is my favourite story of all time. literally. i love hamlet so much i can’t even put it into words); with tomura as hamlet, dabi as a mixture of horatio and laertes, and reader as ophelia. hamlet, my precious baby, is a spoiled fucking brat, who loved his father and was loved by his father. he’s also very intelligent, but falls prey to his indecisiveness and his inability to make decisions, in addition to the rapid decay of his mental health. that’s all i’ll say hehehe

baby driver

the relationship between baby + debora reminds me of the relationship between dabi and reader a lot <333 i also just love the aesthetic of this film, and the undercurrents of organized crime!!

the shining

just a teeny tiny bit; i cannot say anything about this or i think it’ll give something away!!!!!

burning

trios!!!!! trios!!!!!!!!!!!!and the relationship dynamic between jong-su, hae-mi and ben??????? absolutely incredible and reminds me quite a bit of the dynamic between tomura, dabi + reader!!

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐀𝐔 (𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞) + 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐲𝐚-𝐧𝐢𝐢

i’m grouping these two together, because a lot of their influences overlap in terms of dabi + reader’s relationship!!! (i’m pretty sure we can all agree that touya-nii is so fucking Daddy, too <3)

true romance

i fucking love this movie, so so so much. i’d go as far to say that clarence and alabama’s relationship has without a doubt inspired or influenced every single romantic relationship i’ve written in at least some way, shape, or form. i LOVE them. i love their co-dependency on each other, i love their whole ‘it’s you and me against the world’ vibe, and i love how far they’re willing to go for each other. also, again, organized crime (no surprise), and alabama is just the cutest fucking thing i swear to god. that scene of her + virgil in the hotel room will forever be one of my absolute FAVOURITE scenes in cinematic history. i would die for this woman i love her more than anything. she’s so cute yet so strong, so brave, so IN LOVE, and aaaah that is just one of my favourite characteristics ever ever ever. i love women who are soft and strong at the same time, even if that strength isn’t physical.

sid and nancy

hello to one of the most famous toxic relationships ever!!! honestly, i don’t think i have to explain this one much LMAO. obviously my readers aren’t as hardcore as nancy and almost always fall into the ‘innocent good girl’ category, but their RELATIONSHIP itself reminds me quite a bit of the relationship between touya-nii and his princess <3

bonnie and clyde (1967)

ahahaha yet again, another very toxic, very co-dependent type of love. like clarence and alabama, i love how these two are literally willing to die for each other—they’d go straight to the ends of the earth for one another, no questions asked. this type of love is extremely unhealthy, obviously, but it’s something i am extremely fascinated with and love exploring in my work! also, that whole ‘fuck the world let’s commit crimes together’????? very tag you’re it dabi x reader!!!

pulp fiction

more specifically, the relationship between mia and vincent. the sexual tension there is fucking crazy, and i love how mia is yet again one of those ‘mafia princess’ types. really, this film applies to bmb as well, but i’m putting it here because the way vincent gets so so SO soft for mia reminds me of the way touya-nii and dabi in these two series in particular get soft for their readers. also, to a lesser extent, the relationship between butch and fabienne. i know a lot of people don’t like fabienne and get annoyed with her, but i think she’s just the cutest thing and i heavily relate to her and her babie/crybaby nature <3 and of course, the relationship between pumpkin and honeybunny (for tag you’re it especially!) <33

breathless (a bout de souffle)

there’s just something about michel that reminds me of touya-nii SO much. i think it’s a combination of his attitude as well as his petty life of crime, and the way patricia hides him in her apartment...i don’t know, it’s difficult for me to put into words, but i love him a lot <3

𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤

the joker + harley quinn: i feel like this is so obvious LMAO but i’m obsessed with the idea of that all consuming voracious love that borders on serious obsession. extremely possessive socio/psychopath and his dumb lil baby????? yes <3 (**i also wanna make a note to say that harley isn’t dumb AT ALL, but J will often insult her in such a way, and sometimes the men who write her portray her as such as well >.> but harley is one of my favourite female characters ever. i LOVE how girly and fun she is while still being extremely strong and (sometimes, depending on the version) independent. she isn’t without flaws, and i love how her mr j is basically her kryptonite <3)

speaking of batman, bruce wayne: what can i say, i just love spoiled rich men who have serious issues dealing with their emotions and walk the line of good and evil <33333

anakin skywalker/darth vader: listen, anakin was seriously slighted by those prequel films. but underneath all of that bad writing, at his core, anakin is a fantastic character. he is SO strongly governed by his emotions and is extremely selfish, and his love for his wife and family is ultimately what leads him down the path to the dark side <3 his emotionally charged motivations remind me a lot of CANON dabi!!!

thelma and louise: i just love their relationship, like, a lot hehehe. their relationship and the ending of this film reminds me a lot of my snowman & me; just yet again that whole ‘it’s you and me or it’s death’ type thing.

the darjeeling limited: it should be obvious at this point that i love trios, and i love complex characters and the relationships that come along with them. the relationship between the whitman brothers, the dysfunctional family, the truama and sadness...i love it all. this film is absolutely beautiful and really doesn’t connect much to my work other than the character dynamics, but i love it so dearly.

mad men: again, those misogynistic toxic relationships and the dependency betty has on don for the first few seasons!! also my god, the aesthetic, i am obsessed.

twin peaks: this hasn’t shown up too much in the work i’ve posted on my blog just yet, but i’m head over heels in love with the dreamy unsettling feeling that saturates this entire series, as well as the drugs and crime. also dale is my baby, protect him with everything <3

blade runner (both films): for city aesthetic

suckerpunch: an absolutely awful film but also one of my guilty pleasures, purely because i love babydoll so so so so so much <33 again, more for aesthetic than story.

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂

honestly, my music recommendations are exactly the same as they are in this post right here. lana del rey, lil peep, chase atlantic + the neighbourhood are the four that i’d say influence my work the most tho, and have the most similar vibe to my stuff!! also, nicole dollanganger is an incredible artist and lyricist, and i’ve been told more than once that my work and her work are quite similar (which i agree!!!). her stuff is hauntingly beautiful, but i have a lot of difficulty listening to it because it hits a little too close to home and makes me cry literally every single time. so please be wary of that, i’m giving a general trigger warning for her because she can get quite dark. but her work is absolutely fantastic, i highly recommend as long as you feel that you can handle it!!! <33

AAAAAH I KNOW I’M MISSING LIKE A MILLION THINGS I SWEAR but these are the films (and tv shows) + artists that readily come to mind!! thank you again for your question anon, i love stuff like this so much and i love discussing films and art hehehe <33

[refinedbuffoonery]

Flawless (6)

masterlist.

Content Warning: swearing, violence, sex, PTSD

Not gonna lie, this is a bit of a filler chapter. But the NEXT chapter...that’s the one you’ve all been waiting for. Also, I’ve had “bad guy” by Billie Eilish stuck in my head for DAYS, so that’s the song playing during the runway show. 

*****

A week after the job at the director’s house, Riley sank into her first-class airplane seat and immediately opened her laptop, the tan pleather chair squeaking slightly as she crossed her legs beneath her. Dimming the brightness, Riley angled her laptop so no one could see it but her. She’d been profiled plenty of times in the past while writing perfectly benevolent code. Riley certainly didn’t need anyone catching her working on something more nefarious. 

If she did this right, then she’d be able to just connect her phone to whatever Louvre computer that controlled security and be free to do whatever she wanted. 

If she didn’t...she’d need to brush up on her French. 

Nikki dozed in the seat beside her. She’d been bouncing off the walls all morning in anticipation of getting to see Fashion Week in person after Riley had promised to go with her to as many fashion shows as they could sneak into. Nikki’s excitement was infectious. While the priority was to see the runway show of the designer whose Louvre afterparty they were crashing, before they boarded the flight, Riley found herself sifting through fashion blogs to determine which other shows she wanted to see. All couture, of course. 

Across the aisle, Jill had her nose buried in an incredibly thick book Riley couldn’t see the cover of, and behind her, Cage and Desi curled together like a human pretzel as they watched a movie. They were disgustingly happy, and that made Riley happy too. 

When they were somewhere over the middle of the Atlantic, Nikki awoke, grumbling, “You’re going to ruin your eyes if you stare at that screen any longer.” She was right. Riley’s vision had started to blur at the edges hours ago, and she knew she’d have a hard time focusing on things in the distance when she finally looked up. Riley saved her work and shut her laptop. 

Nikki still hadn’t budged from her awkward curled position, but her eyes were open. Riley figured now was as good of a time as any to make Nikki answer her last lingering question. “So you still haven’t told me why you and your boyfriend broke up,” she probed. “You know, the one who hacks everything else.” 

Nikki sighed, rolling her head to glare at Riley. “Do I have to tell you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Fine.” Nikki sat up. “When we met, he told me he worked for a government think tank. Really nerdy stuff, does a lot of consulting. I figured he was smart but harmless.” 

“I remember.” 

“That was a lie. He’s a government agent, all right. But not the nerd kind. The double-O-seven kind.” 

Riley nearly choked. “A spy?” she hissed. “You dated a fucking spy?” 

“Surprise.” 

“How did you find out?” 

“The same way he found out about me. I originally told him I was a freelance art appraiser”—not far from the truth, actually— “and the IT job was to help make ends meet. We both bought each others’ lies at first, but over time we both struggled to keep our stories straight. And then one day it all just...fell into place, I guess. We had a massive fight, and by the time the dust settled, I think we both knew there was no going back to how things were before we knew the truth.” 

Riley laced her fingers through Nikki’s, conveying her empathy through touch rather than words. “What agency does he work for?” 

“The Phoenix Foundation.” 

“What the fuck is that?” 

“It’s DXS. The name changed while you were gone.” At least Nikki couldn’t still say the P-word either. But DXS...DXS could move Christmas. If Nikki’s boyfriend told anyone about her real job, they were all in trouble. Big trouble. 

“Think he’s going to come after you? Come after us?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Trying to lighten the mood, Riley said, “Ignoring the part where he knows you’re a criminal, it must’ve been pretty cool to date a real-life black-ops spy. I bet he knew all kinds of tricks.” The innuendo easily rolled off Riley’s tongue. 

Nikki smacked her shoulder. “We were having a nice moment and you had to go and ruin it by being gross. What the fuck, dude?” 

Riley rolled her eyes. “Love you too.” And she did. Despite the grudge she may or may not be holding, Riley loved her. She never stopped.

*****

They landed in Paris at night, and the Five Eyes crashed the moment they made it to their swanky, overpriced hotel room. The next day, they bounced around the city attending as many runway shows as traffic allowed. Riley didn’t understand the hubbub and overdone romanticism; Paris was just like any other major city—loud and overcrowded. And snobby. So very snobby. 

On their second day in Paris, the women chose to divide and conquer. Desi, Cage, and Jill teamed up to scope out the Louvre. Riley and Nikki attended the runway show of the designer whose masterpiece they intended to steal. 

As she and Nikki found their seats along the runway, Riley made a mental note of all the exits. Their seats were in the back, against a wall. Nikki hoped for a better view, but Riley liked it better this way. Sitting by a wall, she had something solid behind her and could see everyone come and go without having to turn around. Riley had always kept meticulous tabs on her surroundings—that’s what made her so good at her job—but the fear of not being able to see what’s coming was new. 

She didn’t tell Nikki about it. 

The blonde blended right in with the highly fashionable crowd, wearing a floor-length, gray plaid coat with hot pink lining. Nikki was completely in her element here, and sometimes Riley thought her friend would’ve been better off legitimately pursuing a career in fashion rather than letting Riley drag her into the world of shadows, secrets, and cons. 

While they waited, Riley fidgeted with a button on her black blazer. Her whole outfit was the same shade of her signature color—blouse, blazer, leather leggings. But her boots were the real showstopper—thigh-high black suede with intricate gold embroidery down the entire front. Riley saw them in a window yesterday and had immediately gone inside to purchase them. The boots were outrageously expensive, but it didn’t matter. Riley Davis was already a filthy rich woman, and after this job, she’d have more money than she would ever know what to do with. 

The house music quieted, and the designer—older man, favored his left leg, voice thin and raspy like a smoker—strutted down the runway, microphone in hand, welcoming the audience and beginning the show. He rambled on, ruminating over his inspiration for this collection. Nikki hung on every word. Riley tuned him out. 

So this was the man who was renting out the Louvre. Riley couldn’t even imagine the amount of money and favors it took to secure such an ostentatious party venue. 

What she could imagine, however, was that she’d surely be subjected to yet another one of these long-winded speeches at the afterparty tonight. On the bright side, that would buy her and her team extra time, making the job that much easier. 

The show began with a sweep of the lights as the music dropped to a low, pulsing beat Riley could feel just as much as she could hear. The crowd murmured respectfully as the first model appeared wearing a shiny black gown that looked like a trash bag had been melted to her body with the excess pooling on the floor. She told Nikki as much, earning an eye roll. 

The next gown was better—sheer fabric with countless thin, metallic gold vertical stripes. The skirt had pretty lines, giving the model the illusion of curves she didn’t have. After that was a strapless canary yellow ball gown with a full, pillowy train. 

“I don’t understand why designers keep making yellow clothes,” Riley hissed. “No one looks good in yellow.” 

“That model does.” 

“No one looks good in yellow.” 

Nikki twisted in her seat and glared, which Riley ignored. “Are you going to say anything nice?” 

“You’d miss my commentary if I stopped.” Riley’s snide comment earned her an elbow to the ribs, but she caught Nikki’s smile all the same. 

The next gown was cherry red satin, with huge ruffles on one shoulder and the opposite hip. The extra fabric was a lot, but there was something elegant about the gown nonetheless. 

Leanna would look good in that one, Riley stopped herself from saying aloud. Nikki—nor anyone else, for that matter—hadn’t said another word about Leanna since Riley first asked weeks ago. Suddenly their longtime friend was taboo, and Riley didn’t want to disrupt the tentative peace she had with Nikki just to push for answers she probably wouldn’t get. 

Another ugly gown, this one feathery pink with a sort of netting over top. 

But the last one...the last one caught the eye of every single person in the audience. 

Including Riley. 

The sheer dress was covered in intricate silver beading that accentuated its long sleeves and mermaid silhouette and left little to the imagination. It was the kind of show-stopping gown one wore when they wanted to be the center of attention. 

Despite the audience’s rising hum of approval, Riley still heard Nikki murmur, “That one is all you.” And it was. Riley would wear that gown in a heartbeat if she had the opportunity—too bad most jobs required her to blend in, not stand out. 

She was too busy lusting after the gown to respond. 

From her seat, Riley could just see into the wings, and she spotted who could only be the designer’s assistant, running the show behind the scenes. Even from a distance, Riley had a feeling the young woman’s hawk-like gaze missed absolutely nothing. The designer would be easy enough to bamboozle during the heist, but this woman could very likely become a problem. 

Riley committed the assistant’s appearance to memory and set the thought aside for later.

*****

Later that afternoon, the Five Eyes reconvened in their hotel suite. They still had a couple hours until they needed to get ready for the afterparty. Since only Cage and Nikki had been there before, Desi, Cage, and Jill had spent the day scouting the Louvre. It was good for Jill to work with Desi for a change; because of her military background, Desi’s way of thinking through a job diverged greatly from everyone else’s. 

Team meetings like this were one of Riley’s favorite parts of the job—swapping intel and strategizing the best way to pull off the job. Or the most fun way, which was usually also the riskiest. But tonight, the team was in unspoken agreement that they would play it safe, both because of Jill and the importance of this long-awaited job. 

Piled onto one plush, king-sized bed, the five women sat tangled together as they tore through the box of pastries Riley purchased on the way back to the hotel. For the first time in forever, Riley was hungry. She avoided dwelling on that fact as she licked her fingers and picked up stray crumbs that fell on the off-white comforter. 

“So, what did you learn?” Nikki quizzed Jill. 

Jill pushed up her glasses with her middle finger, speaking with her mouth full. “The room the party will be in is super fancy and at the far corner of the building.” She swallowed. “First floor.” 

“Good. What else?” Riley prompted. “How do Nikki or I get to security and the building’s system control?” 

“There’s an employee door in the hallway…” Jill trailed off. “Wait. This is a test, isn’t it? You already know.” 

Riley smirked. “I do.” 

Disbelief etched Jill’s face. “How? You told me yourself that you’ve never been there!” 

“I have my ways.” Riley would tell her eventually, but for now, it was more fun to lure trade secrets over Jill’s head. She reached for another buttery pastry, selecting one topped with slivered almonds.  

But before Riley could continue her taunting, Desi spoke up. “There’s something you should know.” The mood plummeted into seriousness. 

Riley and Nikki both raised their eyebrows. Go on. 

“Nikki’s ex was at the museum.” 

“Which one?” Nikki asked cautiously. Riley could hear the dread in her tone, the same dread that churned in her own stomach. 

“You know which one.” 

Riley swore. Nikki’s ex, the spy, was at the Louvre. “Did he see you?”

Cage answered, “We have to assume he did. And we also have to assume he recognized Desi and me as Nikki’s friends.” Riley set her pastry down, no longer hungry as the heist of her dreams started to crumble before her eyes. She refused to let that happen. 

“He was with a middle-aged man who definitely had a gun tucked into his belt,” Desi said. “Based on that and his haircut, I’d say he’s probably ex-military.” 

“Mac is too.” Tucking her knees to her chest, Nikki’s voice was uncharacteristically small as she spoke. Defeat wormed its way across her features. Nikki thought they couldn’t pull off the job now, Riley realized. 

No way. She wouldn’t let one stupid ex-boyfriend get in the way of her dream job. And her grossly large payday. 

“It’ll be fine,” Riley reassured. “He knows you’re into fashion, right?” Nikki nodded. “Then he has to assume you’re there for innocent, legitimate reasons. Innocent until proven guilty, remember? All we have to do is avoid looking suspicious, which we already do anyway. He won’t have any evidence to pin it on us besides a hunch, and even if he shares that hunch, he’ll get in trouble for not disclosing information about you and your relationship sooner.” 

Jill said, “That seems overly optimistic.” 

“Which one of us is the expert?” Riley snapped. Jill flinched, and the other three watched Riley warily. “Sorry,” she grumbled. 

The tension only somewhat dissipated. 

“Anyway,” Riley redirected. “We picked up the replicas.” She gestured to Nikki’s Balenciaga bag sitting open on a nearby chair. 

“Replicas?” Riley fought the urge to sigh at Jill and her constant questions. 

“What did you think we were going to do? Just take the jewelry and run like hell?” 

Jill’s silence was a resounding yes. 

“Pickpocketing 101. What did I tell you?” 

Understanding dawned in Jill’s wide, blue eyes. “When you steal something heavy, put something else in its place.” A pause. “We’re going to replace the jewelry with fakes so no one even realizes the real set is missing.” 

It was Cage’s turn to smirk. “She’s catching on.” The blonde leaned in. “So, can we see them?” 

Nikki was off the bed in an instant, retrieving a package wrapped in plain brown paper from her purse. She let Cage have the honor of unwrapping it and revealing the masterfully crafted jewels. 

The faux-sapphire and diamond necklace and earrings were stunning. And exact replicas of the real set. The only difference was a tiny, insignificant bump Nikki’s jeweler added to the back of each piece so they could quickly tell the difference between the replicas and the real deal. 

Desi whistled. “Damn. Those are stunning.” Beside her, Cage nodded appreciatively. “You would look so hot wearing those,” Desi murmured to her girlfriend. “Wearing only those.” 

Blushing furiously, Cage shoved her girlfriend off the bed. 

Riley knew that if she let them, her friends would spend hours examining the jewels. Clearing her throat to get everyone’s attention, she asked, “Everyone clear on the plan?” 

The four other women nodded in turn, first Desi, then Nikki, then Cage, and finally Jill. 

“Good.” 

“That’s it?” Jill questioned. “No team pep talk?” The other women chuckled, but Riley just rolled her eyes. 

“That one,” Desi pointed at Riley, “is the wrong person to ask for a pep talk.” 

Riley’s jaw dropped in mock outrage. “Hey! Speak for yourself.” Desi shrugged. Directing her attention back to Jill, “You really want a pep talk?” 

Jill blinked. 

“Don’t fuck this up.”

~ Tag List ~ Want to be added? Send me an ask. 

@macrileyedits​ / @hellishrose​ / @incorret-macgyver-quotes​ / @mylifequotesshowallofthem​ / @thecarrieonokay

[westerberg]

tagged by @officialglenntilbrook 😘💞💖❤️🥂

1. what is the first song you remember hearing? Oh man uhh... i remember my my dad playing the video for... oops i did it again I think? by britney spears and i was very obsessed with it. if i saw the video I would know but i don’t feel like doing that. hard to say if that is my earliest memory of music tho. i remember listening to the R.E.M. In Time greatest hits in the car late at night and feeling weird out of body as Man on the Moon came on. i like that story better but I have no idea when that memory is from. i also feel like i heard my mom singing along with Sarah McLaughlin or Norah Jones a lot when i was very young.

2. what is the first band you got into? hmm... i  really loved Bon Jovi when I was very young but i didn’t like. have any knowledge of them or their discography I just liked slippery when wet and their greatest hits. and also thats embarrassing so i am trying to think of an out... probably the first real musical obsession i had was lana del rey when I was 14 /15 but thats also not great. just take the L buddy... i didnt actually get into music i would now consider very good until about 16.

3. do you collect any physical music? during quar i started trolling ebay and other similar sites for cheap cds and I have gotten a pretty good collection! you would be shocked the number of people who just really do not want to have their R.E.M. albums anymore. I have a few vinyls- a couple of cheap Joni records, Station to Station, the mats Dead Mans Pop boxset thing, and the R.E.M. single So. Central Rain. Oh and I have a very cool cd single of beastie boys body movin’. I also have a collection of cassettes that used to belong to my mom- she passed 5 yrs ago so they are very special to me! she had some R.E.M., U2, Eurythmics, Squeeze, Crowded House, Indigo Girls, and I recently dug up a bootlegged Tracy Chapman tape! she might have some more at her childhood home and if I find a tape of murmur i’ll like blackout. the sad thing is that now I really like all these musicians my mom apparently liked but i was not into them when she was alive so :/ figuring things out feels like archeology. was listening to In Time greatest hits the other day and was like she definitely skipped E-Bow the Letter every time it came on lol bc i did not hear this song until like last year.

4. what is your favourite piece of music memorabilia? do you know that picture of R.E.M. where they are all holding roses like they are all going to the prom together? i scored a poster of that off Ebay for the incredible deal of $50!! a deal at any price :) I don’t have much that is like legit valuable lol. But here you have to see the picture

5. what's your favourite concert you've ever been to? hmm i havent really been to any truly mindblowing concerts I don’t think. I got to see Tommy Stinson play an acoustic set at 7th street entry in 2019 which was very cool. I feel crazy saying thats my favorite but it was incredibly special.

6. if you could see one artist who is no longer alive in concert, who would it be? If you ask right now I would probably have to say Replacements with Bob Stinson. Prince would be a close one

7. have you met any musicians? almost! when i went to see tommy stinson, afterwards he was hanging in a bar next to the club and was taking selfies with people. i kept thinking about getting in line and eventually i decided to just do it. when i finally went to go look for him he was deep in a conversation with someone and I also realized i had nothing intelligent to say, so i sat and stared at him talking for a bit until i left and went back to the show.

8. what is your go to album when you're feeling sad? Tim by the mats! i think i maybe listened to this album every day my senior year of high school. it is legitimately strange how I feel as if this album just knows me very well. everyone says this about the mats but every song feels like it’s about me and my life. I think a perk of being a lower middle class Minnesotan with an alcoholic father is just really really getting the replacements. but i guess it depends on the kind of sad I am. If i’m just looking to be cheered up i might go with Lifes Rich Pageant or Green by R.E.M. because invariably by the end of Tim I will be bummed out !

9. what is your go to album when you're feeling happy? somehow this is a very hard question. Radio City by Big Star was a big one for me when i was still on campus. maybe an obvious one but rubber soul is a good being happy album

10. what is one music documentary you love? the doc Every Everything about Grant Hart from Hüsker Dü is a favorite. it’s just all interview with him and he’s a fascinating guy. I’ve never watched an interview with him where i wasn’t like woah u’re smart :0... the director of that also did a good replacements doc but at certain point with mats journalism im just like well i could’ve just read trouble boys.

11. what is one concert DVD you love? I think I only own one concert DVD, Prince’s Lovesexy show which i was very obsessed with back in high school.

12. do you prefer listening to playlists or albums? i prefer albums usually, sometimes i’m in the mood for a playlist but albums are def superior

13. do you prefer to listen to albums in order or on shuffle? in order !!!! What am i a psychopath

14. what is your favourite deep cut song by your favourite artist? Portland by the mats is a top ten song of theirs. very in character for it to be a b-side i’m not even mad

15. what is your favourite cd/cassette/vinyl you own in terms of packaging? I love the inner sleeve of my Grandpaboy cd which is just Paul Westerberg’s doodles and scribblings. sometimes when i buy stuff off of ebay it comes with notes and stuff too which is my favorite. my copy of suicaine gratifaction came with a very sweet note of how much the previous owner loved it. and my copy of mbv’s loveless has this very hard to read note which i can maybe make out half of. if you can read it please translate for me.

i love being tagged but if you do not want to answer 15 long questions do not feel pressured! i shall tag @the-replacemints @pattismithgender @myfcukingrat @willemdafoeplscallmemynumberis @little-rimbaud @milesofsmiles97 @electrofolk 🤙😜💘

[microsuedemouse]

9, 16 and 18 !

you always ask questions. you're my favourite mutual. ily

9. favourite brand of clothing?

(did I adjust the spelling in this question to non-American English? yes I did)

MOKUYOBI, without a single doubt!! This brand makes me feel more like myself than almost anything else. It's a splurge (mostly bc of shipping to Canada... curse you, customs charges) but I usually aim to grab stuff on sale, and it's worth it once or maybe twice a year. It's got the colour palettes I love so much combined with casual shapes and styles!! I don't love dressing in girly clothes but it's often hard to find my favourite bright colours in more androgynous styles.

I'm wearing a Mokuyobi t-shirt right now!!

16. if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

yells I've wanted to get another tattoo basically since I walked out with my first one, if I'm honest. I was so nervous going in, bc I'd wanted this tattoo for years at that point but I'm a big baby? but by the time it was done I was like. Oh. I Get why people get addicted to this, actually.

tattoo in question, though I actually think it looks even better now, having healed further:

...which is. a line from one of my favourite songs by my favourite band, flor. this particular line resonates with me a lot and means a lot to me. (the line is actually 'all this joy out of the ashes,' but we don't talk about that.)

anyway, all of that being a needlessly long lead-up to: if I were to get another tattoo right now. there are lots of things I want tattooed, but only a couple things I have specific design plans for, and one of those is also flor-related. the second time I ever went to see them, I was on my own and had been through a Rough Few Months, and wound up sitting in a back corner of the venue in tears after the show, just from being so overwhelmed. their frontman, Zach, who is The Sweetest Human Man Who Ever Lived, quit helping the others tear down (lol) to come sit with me until I was okay. this was only the second time he'd ever met me!! but he came and hugged me and just, made sure I was all right. at one point I told him, "you guys got me through so much this last year."

corny as it is, Zach's response was something I will never ever forget, because it meant so much, especially coming from him - someone who was such a comfort to me as a musician, but who scarcely knew me as a person and was still looking out for me in that moment regardless. he told me simply: "you got yourself through so much. we just helped."

I still think about that all the time. I cannot overstate how much it meant to me. so I've long considered having it tattooed, as well. Zach has continued to be unbelievably sweet and friendly every time I've seen him, and the last time I did so - back in fall of '19, which is TOO LONG AGO - I asked him to write those words down in a notebook for me: "you got yourself through so much." he actually wrote it twice after worrying that the first was too messy lol.

so. one of these days, I'm going to have those words tattooed onto me, in his handwriting. I've thought about putting them on the other forearm, but I have another idea for that one too - a line from a different song, one of my favourites from my other all-time favourite band, Motion City Soundtrack. I think it would be cool to have lines from two different songs that are really special to me, in the same font, in symmetrical spots? (also the line is "it's a pleasure to meet you" and would be on my right forearm and it chuffs me a little to imagine handshakes with that there, hah.) anyway, as a result I'm still not 100% certain where I would put "you got yourself through so much" - possibly underneath the ashes tattoo, where I can always see it. back of the shoulder is also a possibility but I like the idea of it being somewhere easy for me to look at.

GOD JESUS that was a long answer. I am so sorry. this is the problem when anything gets me talking about flor.

18. rant about your favourite musician

L M F A O I DID NOT READ AHEAD ON THESE QUESTIONS

anyway uh. yeah. it's flor.

I kind of went on a tangent about Zach up there, because he truly is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met, and I'm insanely grateful that he always greets me like an old friend. all four of the boys are like that, really; they're amazing at remembering individual fans and making you feel loved and welcomed when you chat with them after a show. but Zach is the best at it. one time he saw me on the sidewalk before a show that he didn't expect me to be at, and he got so excited he started singing, like- like just one long, high note. and even though I was crouched on the ground digging around in my bag and couldn't get up fast enough, he blew right past the other two girls I was standing with - both of whom he's known for years longer than he's known me lmao - to kneel down and wrap me in a hug. anyway he's one of my favourite people alive.

but to also rave for a moment about the band as a whole, rather than about the boys as people: flor has legitimately changed my life so much. I discovered them by accident and literally don't know who or where I would be now, four-and-change years later, if I hadn't. their music has been a comforting and uplifting constant for me since the first night I heard it. their shows have been some of the best experiences of my life - every flor show feels like being home, and being completely myself, and being so fucking full of joy, no matter what my life is like outside of that moment. their fanbase, the florfam, is full of such amazing people, and I've made so many great friendships amongst them. because of flor I learned to go to shows alone, and go into Toronto alone, both of which are feats I could never have imagined tackling before I fell in love with this band.

but even more, because of flor I learned to travel alone. I am an incredibly anxious homebody, and I still get nervous spending the night away from home most of the time, but for flor I got my passport renewed and travelled solo to the States - first on a bus, then the next year on a plane. I met up with friends I'd previously known exclusively through twitter, and it was like we'd known each other for ages. we hugged like old friends when we met and cried when it was time to part again. the Courtney before flor could never have done something like that.

I have grown so much because of falling in love with this band. I've done things I definitely never would have otherwise. I've written whole stories that would never have occurred to me without flor's music. a flor show feels like home, like love, like raw, abundant, riotous joy. I've never been anywhere happier. I've never gotten out of one without crying!! the music those boys make is my favourite in the whole world, and I keep it close to my heart always, but their impact on my life is so much bigger than that.

[rosethornewrites]

T and G rated fics I read this weekend!

This is all The Untamed/MDZS fics.

So I learned last week that I can only add 100 links. And I read over 100 fics 😬 so now this is gonna be two posts. Additionally, I’ll likely start posting these daily from now on. It just gets to be a lot.

Finished:

Tumblr Fics:

BEETOBER 2021 DAY 2 - EARRING, by @bloody-bee-tea

Rated T:

find a home in him, by makebelieveanything and nerdzeword

“Come on a-Cheng, let’s go,” she prodded, gently ushering him out the door as she handed off jackets to both boys.

“Why the fuck is he always doing stupid shit and making us run after him for?” Jiang Cheng complained as he shrugged into his jacket, Lan Wangji donning his own in silence.

“Wangji?” Yanli prodded gently. “Are you alright?”

“... what if we never find him?”

“We will,” Yanli said confidently.

or Modern AU where Wei Wuxian runs away from his foster home when he turns 18, and it doesn't end the way he planned.

My Brother's Keeper - Purple Years (The first stage of grief), by ArchiveWriter

Set after WWX plunges from the cliff after the battle at Nightless City. The ramblings of Jiang Cheng's mind in the first stage of grief, flicking back and forth between the past and then.

thank you, drunk me, by carmiemaybe (glazedlilies)

Or where Lan Zhan is confused at Wei Ying's behaviour after the previous, drunken night's events.

This Grave Will Not Be Mine, by Rana Eros (ranalore)

The Burial Mounds' claim to Wei Wuxian has been superceded.

Qinghe Jue, by Merinnan

Nie Mingjue promised to protect his brother. He wasn't going to let qi deviating and dying at Jinlintai stop him from keeping that promise.

With What Proof, by Preludian_Staves

"I know he did it!"

"What proof do you have?"

Meeting the Family, by sami (part of a series)

Wei Wuxian has a secret.

I’ll stick to my single-log bridge till it’s dark, by autumncolour

Can’t anyone give me a nice, favorable road to walk on?

Lan Wangji leaves the Burial Mounds. Wei Wuxian gets drunk. The night in Yiling is clear and dark, and full of thick, half-understood longing.

Love Me on the Sunlit Grass, by Eliza (second in a series)

Zizhen will always be there when Jin Ling calls in a panic about his uncle.

the mutability of survival, by tunnelOFdawn

All the ways Lan Zhan, Wei Ying, and Jiang Cheng could have died in canon.

i'll keep walking, by justdoityoufucker

Wen Qing died.

This, she knows; from the painful lick of flames to the unavoidable choking that came with the smoke to the wickedly satisfied grin on Jin Guangshan’s face before she closed her eyes the last time. She hoped, those last few moments, that it would be the end. Wei Wuxian would be free, and the last remnants of their family would be safe. She hoped that Wen Ning wouldn’t feel any pain, when the time came for him to follow her.

-

Or, the one where Wen Qing ends up in the past and fixes the future.

Rated G:

天涯之外 / beyond the world's end, by yuer (vintageblueskies)

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji says, his voice cracks open in a way Wei Wuxian has never heard before. He crosses over to where Wei Wuxian is still sitting; Wei Wuxian starts to scramble up, but Lan Wangji just shakes his head, gets to his knees next to him. And isn't that something? The untouchable Hanguang-jun on his knees in the Burial Mounds, dirtying his pristine robes to sit next to Wei Wuxian.

-

or, lan wangji returns to the burial mounds

Song of My Heart, Mate of My Soul, by SakuraKage

The Gusu Lan are said to have an innate connection with music. The Gusu Lan are also said to love deeply – with their whole soul – so deeply that they seem to only be able to fall in love once.

Lan Wangji knows these rumours. He also knows the truth, or close to it, as it has been handed down through the generations. Their connection to music runs far deeper than the other sects could dream. Every Lan heart contains a song, a musical piece that encapsulates the very fiber of their being, and it only comes to life under a specific set of circumstances. The parameters to unlock your heartsong are highly disputed, but the generally accepted condition to fill is … to meet your soulmate.

see your face, hear my voice in the dark, by arypls

Wei Wuxian is having trouble falling asleep but Lan Wangji is there with gentle words and soothing touches to show his husband he's no longer alone.

If I knew what safety looked like, by askanis

Beautiful, brave Wei Ying is waiting for Lan Zhan to tell her she cannot be all of who she is. She will listen, if Lan Zhan says this. If Lan Zhan even looks uncomfortable, Wei Ying will take this back and never mention it again. Will pretend that this is not her truth, perhaps until she believes it herself.

And Lan Zhan will never get to fully see Wei Ying for who Wei Ying is.

underneath the magnolias, by krizzlesandblues

Summer in Cloud Recesses means iced fruits sent by merchants, more practical trainings for juniors, with some of them catching up on their lessons.

But for the youngest members of GusuLan Sect, summer means classes under the big magnolia tree.

Word Up, Talk the Talk, by Larryissocute

It wouldn’t have been a problem (it really wouldn’t) if they weren’t best friends. Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what good deeds he did in his past life to be blessed with Lan Wangji as a friend nor does he know what evil things he did to be cursed with being only a friend to Lan Wangji.

Or the one where Wei Wuxian kisses Lan Wangji and then runs away.

Hai Shi — Sleeping Hours, by Saint Er (wwxsays_er)

It's right before bedtime, when a drunk Wei Wuxian shows up on Lan Wangji's door, and suddenly, this has now become Lan Wangji's problem.

In the Silence, by XianleDianxia

With his husband and son on a night hunt, Wei Wuxian is left to his own thoughts. His temperament is not as calm as Lan Wangji would like it to be.

intervention (how to convince your very gay brother that he, is in fact, gay), by okok29

"You guys hold hands all the time around campus and he takes you out to brunch every Saturday. He even brings you roses," Jiang Cheng emphasizes.

"Yeah, as bros do!" Wei Ying says cheerfully.

jiang cheng tries to forcibly drag wei ying out of the closet.

No Regrets, by Sarehz

Lan Zhan gives his forehead ribbon to Wei Wuxian as a sign of his love.

Look Down to Reminisce About My Hometown, by Nadat (one-shot series)

A collection of short stories following a Promptember list; will add tags and alter the rating as appropriate. It will be mostly live action show canon but I may borrow here and there from the book if something strikes me.

jin ling's uncles and aunts, by saheeli

jin zixuan invites all of jin ling's uncles and aunts to his birthday party. there are more than he even thought possible.

Helianthus, by tinykira

"Say, Lan Zhan. Do you know that when people die, they become plants?"

~

The Jingshi, which was formerly called as The Gentian House, is now also full of sunflowers.

Magical Marriage Ribbons, by starandrea

But consider this: the Lan forehead ribbons are magical, and the mountain knows it. (It takes Wei Ying less than a day after Lan Yi’s cave to realize more than just her wards consider him family.)

Or: If you’re accidentally betrothed to your classmate in a mostly legitimate life or death situation, how long can you wait to tell him before he finds out by accident?

their mothers sons, by silversshadow

In one world Jiang Fengmian gave Wei Ying more attention than he did either of his own children. In this world he can barely look at the child.

A series of short looks into a different timeline.

You blow me away, by silverclaw

Lan Zhan’s neighbour is playing a song that has been stuck in his head for ages. The neighbour just so happens to be the singer of said song and he’s supposedly laying low.

Echo Of My Heart, by ColdBloodedReptile

A short insight of Lan Wangji's thoughts during Dafan Mountain, CQL version.

And the scene in Jingshi before Wei Wuxian wakes ft Lan Sizhui.

A new score, by Lhaewiel

Wei Wuxian does not know this new score. It is evening, Gusu looks like a painting during this time of the year, with snow slowly falling down and covering the court outside.

Parallel Lines, by Sarehz

Wei Ying: Lan Zhan is going to break up with me!

Nie Huaisang: No, he's not. But please tell me in great detail why you think that.

Jiang Cheng: [Unfortunately sharing an apartment with Nie Huaisang and therefore has no choice but to listen] Please leave me out of this.

Why Wei Ying Shouldn’t Matchmake, by PrinceJakeFireCake

Lan Wangji is NOT jealous of Jiang Cheng. He’s just trying to figure out why Wei Ying likes him so much. Wei Ying thinks it’s great that Lan Zhan has a crush on his brother. (Hint: he does not)

to home, by Guinny (4 chapters)

'My Wei Ying,

It seems that we are winning the war. Wait for me. I will come home. I will come home to you. We will spend the rest of our lives in peace. Far from all of this. In a place that is quiet and there's only us.

Yours,

Lan Zhan.’

if you love him, never let go, by cloud_wanderer

three times lan wangji let go, and the one time he swore to never do it again

Hard to forget, by Lucky_Moonly

“Aiya sorry for interrupting what must be a very interesting read,” a boy who seemed to be a first year as well, cheekily exclaimed, before he smiled widely at Lan Wangji and he stepped inside the compartment. “But did you perchance see my pet axolotl? He’s black and he’s missing one of his front legs!”

in sickness & in flames, by talesfromthecryptid (2 chapters)

the one in which lan wangji has a cold and wei wuxian fusses over him and falls even more in love with him, something he didn't even know was possible but oh, it really is.

learning and the dead, by northofallmusic (tofsla)

In a small house of his own, after everything, Wen Ning works with his hands.

Unpredictable, by canis_m

If Lan Wangji had said a few more things while drunk in Qinghe.

Waited For Precious Moments Such As This, by Preludian_Staves

He would not trade these precious moments away for anything in the world.

Unfinished:

Rated T:

No Regrets, by AluraRose

Lan Wangji took a deep breath, centered himself, and swallowed his pride.

“I apologize.” He bowed low to Jiang Wanyin and held it. “I wish only to help your brother. I humbly request access, and give my word that I will touch nothing and speak to no one of what I see.”

“I can’t just let you in there!”

“Even to save Wei Ying?”

And suddenly the wind seemed to go out of the sails of Jiang Wanyin’s anger. “I can’t” he repeated more quietly.

In order to save Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji must first convince Jiang Wanyin to trust him.

Your Name On My Chest, by Director_XuanWu

Lan Wangji is the president, at the beginning of his second year on his first term.

Wei Wuxian, his ex fiancé, was dishonorably discharged from the military because of a well hidden scandal.

They meet again after 13 years. Lan Wangji will drop everything for him. Wei Wuxian will sacrifice himself for him again. What does it take to finally be together? Too many goodbyes, too many heartaches. Yet they conquer all.

Whatever it takes, by Moonlit_dewdrops

Jiang Cheng and Wei WuXian are sent back to the past. This time, they can save everyone they love. They can make the right choices. They can learn to trust one another. However, everything comes with a price.

underneath your skin, by tardigradeschool

Wei Wuxian falls into the Burial Mounds. His body walks out.

White Flames in a Red Sky, by ZipZapZop

Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to run away in the middle of a snowstorm.

OR

Wei Wuxian needs help, but he can’t understand that for the life of him.

and so it goes, by doyeorem (pomellogranate)

"While a person is dead in one particular moment, they are still alive and well in all of the other moments of their life, because all of time exists at once."

-

In which Hanguang-jun is at Qiongqi Path, and instead of Jin Zixuan's death, he witnesses Wei Ying throw himself in the way of a punch from the Ghost General, and three swords - one of which is Bichen.

The Burial Mounds is enraged and offended, and many suffer for it.

Purgatory Divinity, by sinfulempire

"Your third and final mission is to rewrite history, Wei Wuxian."

In which Wei Wuxian, the son of the Heavenly Demon Empress, Cangse Sanren and the Celestial, Wei Changze has to rewrite history in order to prove himself worthy of the throne, however, this was a mission that he did not sign himself up for.

[WARNING!! WARNING!! System error, system erro-]

"What-"

Upon accepting the mission, Wei Wuxian found himself back in the past. He had returned to his 6 year old body accompanied by the system at the dingy streets of Yiling- far before Jiang Fengmian had found him and took him in.

Wei Wuxian was alone and surrounded by numerous hound dogs.

Rated G:

Coil Tightly, by Thunderstruck (Blueyed_Impala)

When Wei Wuxian stumbles across a shady pet store in the back alley of his new town he ends up leaving with a companion for life, and more than he bargained for.

Forced apologies, by Io_Palladium

Jiang Cheng confronts Lan Zhan after Wei Yings punishment and it changes everything.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

the top 5 dumbest lyrics in the Beetlejuice musical

because it’s finally October and also because @dykerory just took the GRE and presumably endured suffering beyond my wildest imagination, so this is sort of a gift to her

*disclaimer 1 pls don’t take this seriously. I love this stupid musical so much and I’m allowed to point out some of the lyrics are dumb as hell. I don’t care if you want to fight about this, I don’t.

**disclaimer 2 the fact that certain songs aren’t on here doesn’t mean they’re good and flawless it means I never listen to them! everything from “Barbara 2.0″ to “Home” is boring I’m sorry I’m sorry pls see disclaimer 1 and remember that I don’t care enough to fight about this.

***disclaimer 3 all the songs on here are on the list because I listen to them CONSTANTLY and have to think about the bad lines too much my relationship with this musical is... como se dice... complicada.

tldr tiktok theater kids don’t try to start any shit 

having gotten that out of the way

5.) Here comes the bride / Here comes the bride /  God be glorified / I can’t believe some cultures think this kind of thing’s alright (“Creepy Old Guy”)

listen I really genuinely find this song delightfully fun and has some genuinely clever lines, but god they really are down on their knees BEGGING you not to legitimately ship Lydia and Beej and it’s so funny. and by funny I mean this line is dumb. quick, let’s bring an entire song to a screeching stop, staring the audience dead in the eyes while we sing this line, to make sure nobody out there thinks we’re seriously advocating for teenage girls to marry ancient demons from hell.

4.) Cause Daddy’s in denial / Daddy doesn’t want to feel / He wants me to smile / And clap like a performing seal (“Dead Mom”)

full disclosure that I REALLY like “Dead Mom,” to the point that I think hearing a snippet of it might have been what got me to listen to the musical in the first place? it has a lot of lines that are on the cheesy side, like Lydia referring to herself as her dead mother’s “clone” and “strange creation,” but I’m honestly fully willing to let those slide because they do kind of sound the questionably good poetry a profoundly depressed teenager would come up with thinking it’s really, really deep.

I draw the line at this one, because it’s just. it’s a bad and lazy rhyme. it’s not so abrasive that it peels my skin off but lord, try a little harder. props to Sophia Anne Caruso for selling it as hard as she did. 

3.) I want freedom / But to get my freedom, I need them / To get a living person to say my name (The Fright of Their Lives)

okay, listen. this is a fun song. the interaction between Beej, Adam, and Barbara is fun, the segment where the backup choir gets summoned is really cool, and the soliloquy joke it actually pretty solid. unfortunately we lead into the choir segment with this bit, which is literally just Beej recapping his motivation for the entire audience, even though he’s already done that early in the show and will shortly do it AGAIN in “Say My Name.” 

I honestly sort of get why it might have felt necessary for the soundtrack-only fans, since the musical diverges from the movie, so that level of explanation might have felt necessary, but if anything that just makes this line a reminder of how needlessly convoluted the musical made itself. obviously there’s a fine line to walk when it comes to how much to use musical numbers to exposit, and the “I Want” song is a musical staple, but having your title character just flat out singing “I want x” is a little much for me.

2.) Don’t be so vanilla / Would a little anger kill ya? / C’mon, drop your panties / I’m trying to fill ya / With wisdom and skill / And the instinct to kill (“The Fright of Their Lives”)

again, I don’t have any beef against “The Fright of Their Lives.” and I UNDERSTAND that being a meaty pervert is, like, Beej’s entire personality, and that this wouldn’t even be wildly out of line with the 1988 version of the character. 

I get that, and I have mad the executive decision not to care! it’s viscerally uncomfortable to listen to and I was a more well-adjusted person before I heard it. @ Eddie Perfect, pay my fucking therapist - and while I have you here, can we talk about why making Beetlejuice down to sexually harass Adam along with Barbara maybe wasn’t the cool fun move you thought it would be? I have to see bi/pan pride art of him now, Eddie. 

1.) I’m trapped with no escape / Banished! Disavowed! / I vanished like a cloud of dirty hipster vape (“Invisible (Reprise)/On the Roof”)

if you listen really carefully one the OBC you can actually hear this line becoming less relevant by the second. for a musical based on a movie that’s over thirty years old, this show is weirdly hung up on making its humor #topical - this is also a callout for the joke about gay Republicans early in the show - which paradoxically means certain portions already feel more dated than the movie does. 

the pop cultural love of dunking on hipsters was pretty well played out by the time this show was running previews in 2018, and boy, it’s not getting any more relevant as time rolls on. maybe if this line wasn’t positioned in such a way that Alex Brightman has to emphasize the word “vape” like his life depends on it I could let it slide, but as is I have to physically brace myself for the psychic damage this line deals me every single time. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #474

“nothing flashed before my eyes  /  no pretty angels, no bright lights  /  all i saw was the devil’s soul, & it looked a hell a lot like my own”

Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He can be a challenge. He says whatever comes to his mind the moment he thinks it, and it's not always nice. What is the most exciting thing about your life right now? My relationship, honestly. It feels like the one thing that's going right, but I'm concerned if I don't take care of the things that aren't going so well, that they will creep into my relationship and start breaking it down, ex. not having a job. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? To just keep pushing and not give up on life, and that it is full of phases, be them good, bad, or bland. Have you ever had a job that deeply affected your personal life? How so and do you still work there? No. Do you have a “one who got away”? I don't feel like that anymore. If you were in a supoerhero movie, would you be the hero or the villain? Because I like to help people, I'd like to be the hero, BUT villains are waaaay cooler. If you found a mouse in your house, would you be frightened? Frightened, no. I LOVE mice. I'd of course be startled and concerned about it getting into food, but I'd just calmly find a way to get it outside. Have you ever tried to perform magic tricks? I used to LOVE getting those little magic kits when the Scholastic fair came around! I had I want to say three and was pretty good at a lot of tricks in them. Can you do more with a yo-yo than just "go up and down"? No. What is one form of technology that you wouldn't be able to live without? The Internet for sure. Did you get an allowance, growing up? Why or why not? No. An allowance for three daughters was something my parents couldn't afford. Would you rather go to a water park or an amusement park? Why? An amusement park. They're more exciting to me, and somehow water parks seem dirtier with all the little kids and just alksdjlfa;wjke What is one instrument you wouldn't mind learning how to play? The violin. What's the longest amount of time you've had to wait in line for something? Probably something at Disney World as a kid, idr. What is something that you would like to learn more about? I ALWAYS want to learn more and more about meerkats. What is something that one of your family member collects? Mom collects owl stuff. Have you ever moved to a new school before? If so, how did it feel? No, except obviously when transferring from certain age ranges, like elementary to middle school. Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes, at least once in middle school. I felt SO awful and had to go outside of the classroom to do it while they were reviewing the work. Do you enjoy autumn leaves or spring flowers more? Why? I really, really like both. Each are just very pretty in their own right. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? Hurricanes or like the mere chance of a centimeter of snow. At least once, we've even had such a severe heat advisory that school was called off. If you could meet any fictional character from a book, who would it be? Can dragons be real? 'Cuz then I wanna meet Clay from Wings of Fire if we could talk, lol. He's so wise and I'm sure would have great knowledge to share about looking at my life from new perspectives. What are some common places that people tour when they come to your city? Um, people do NOT tour this city. It's trash. What's one food that you did not enjoy as a child, but do as an adult? I'm not sure. How would having no electricity affect your daily routine? Everything would change, given I'm always on the computer. Would you rather have a mermaid tail, a fairy's wings or a unicorn's horn? Fairy wings, for sure. What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed? I wish SO badly that opossums were domesticated animals, alsdkjfkaljwe. I say enough that I do want to rescue/foster one, though, but I would obviously need a license for that. I would absolutely never just snag one from the wild. What are some things that you do to make the world a better place? We recycle here, don't dare to litter, and I always try to be a decent person that spreads love and hope to other people. Has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you? Yes. What’s your favorite store at your mall? rue21, I suppose. We have a small mall. Have you ever done a workout DVD? Oh my actual god, this is a THROWBACK. When we were really little, my sister had a BARBIE workout DVD that we watched sometimes. Who usually takes out the trash in your family? Usually Mom, but sometimes me. What song are you currently obsessed with? Absolutely "Bath Salts" by Highly Suspect, ahhhhh- When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? When I used to go fishing, my dad would always unhook the fish. Do you take any prescription meds? A lot. What happens if you don’t take them? I very rarely forget to take my medicine, but when I do, I experience anxiety and my tremors get worse. Who was the last person you dreamt about? I don't remember. Do you prefer your tea sweetened or unsweetened? I hate tea in any way. How often do you honk your horn? I don't really drive, so. I'd be very hesitant to though because I wouldn't wanna piss someone off. Do you have any children? If so, names and ages? That's a hard pass from me, bro. Have your parents ever witnessed you doing something inappropriate? What? No. Did you get babysat a lot as a kid? I don't remember how frequently, but we did have a babysitter. Both my parents had jobs. If you were the principal of a school, what would you do differently? Actually pay fucking attention to bullying and do shit about it. Are you doing anything fun tomorrow? "Fun?" Don't know her. What is something you'd like to receive as a housewarming gift? I dunno. How old were you when you first experienced the effects of puberty? I don't remember. What is your least favorite holiday, and why? St. Patrick's Day because I worry about getting pinched, lol. Pinching even very lightly is surprisingly painful for me. What were some outdoor games you played as a child? Hide-and-seek was my favorite, then my sisters and I made games for on the trampoline and in the pool, etc. Did you accompany your parents on "Take Your Child to Work" Day? I never remember doing that, no. Are cemeteries peaceful to you, or do they freak you out? They're humbling, more than anything. A reminder of how equal we are and that we all end up the same. It's a nudge to cherish life while you have it. Which ancient civilization would you be interested in learning more about? My favorite is Ancient Egyptian. Do you have better long-term memory or short-term memory? Long-term. My short-term memory is absolutely frighteningly horrid. What was the last situation that made you cry? Describe. I was very frustrated with just life in general and how horribly I'm failing at it. Which forest animal would you be most afraid to encounter? A bear, probably. Do you believe in anything supernatural? (ie: spirits, etc) Yeah, like said spirits. Has anyone close to you ever gone to war? No. Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? No. Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? I don't know right now. Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? EW you couldn't pay me to. If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? My boyfriend. What was the last new food/drink that you tried? I recently tried jalapeno-stuffed grilled chicken, and a couple days ago I tried this orange/strawberry V8 my mom bought. It was noooot good, which I figured it wouldn't be. That's not a good mix. Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? Today was fucking awful, and yesterday wasn't exactly peachy either. Have you ever played Sudoku? Yeah, I enjoy it well enough. Do you ever take surveys for money? No; I once signed up for a site like that though because my mom used to do that, but I literally qualified for no surveys with how inexperienced I was and still am with grown-up stuff. Do you like Barbie or Bratz better? I don't have an opinion, and I didn't really as a kid, either. Do you prefer purple or green grapes? I go back and forth, but either way, it has to be a crisp grape or it's just gross. Who was the last person that made you laugh? I was watching a John Wolfe video. Where does your best friend live? Illinois. Who did you last confide in? Girt. Does your car have an alarm? Mom's doesn't. Where was your mom born? New York. What can always make you feel better no matter what? If I'm being completely realistic, nothing. Not every single tactic is fail-proof, especially these days. What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? Crab legs came to mind first. They are SO mushy and just gross. What is currently happening that is scaring you? My life, bro. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? I mean maybe at some point accidentally? I don't remember a specific occurrence.

[laurelleghuleh]

OCAF | Ch. 14 “Scars”

Warnings: read the masterlist first

Songs:“Perfectly Wrong” by Shawn Mendes, “Insecure” by Brent Faiyaz ( I think this song is exactly what is going on inside Daphne’s/your head rn), “Teacher’s Pet” by Melanie Martinez (when DaddyErwin arrives)

DAPHNE’S POV

“Are you sure you’ve had enough?”

Tracing his thumbs over my ribs and lowering his gaze to my torso, Levi firmly said “No.” and my bottom lip quivered in anticipation. I instantly felt something unfamiliar, something wicked growing in my lower belly, something I had to suppress as soon as possible. I could see the same lust swimming around Levi’s eyes, but the dark shadows beneath them, the gauze over his wound, the scars, the signs, and all the bruises all over his skin talked more loudly to my conscience than my selfish yearning. We both needed some rest.

I sighed and moved away from him, leaving him quite puzzled. I stood up from the tub, removed his firm grip from my ass and smirked at him as I stepped out. But he was faster than I expected. Levi instinctively followed me out of the bath, caught me, and turned me to face him again, pushing me against the wall behind me. Then his lips found my neck, eagerly gliding down my throat, following the line over my pulse.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he breathed against my heated skin. I almost didn’t catch his words, his lips barely lifted from me to spell his sentence out. He gently pulled my torso toward him as he slid down, exploring every inch of my skin. Again.

At the same time, one of his hands was firmly pressed on my waist while the other one was down on my thigh, lifting it up and securing it next to his side. My shoulder blades were now pressed against the bathroom's wall, my hands loosely placed over his shoulders, my eyes closed, my mind completely somewhere else.

No. We need to stop. I need to stop this… This is wrong. So wrong. What are we even doing?

I swallowed thickly trying to pull myself back together.

“Levi, we… You should rest-”

I couldn’t even manage to finish my sentence as I felt his fingers lightly pinching my nipple, then gently cupping my breast, and his face slowly climbing back up to mine.

He looks so tired.

“You should go to bed now” I sweetly whispered, caressing his cheeks with my hands. His face immediately lifted and a wide smirk curled his mouth.

“Say less.” he murmured.

That’s the last thing I remember about that night. Even now it feels like, when his swollen lips met mine again, everything just went in a blur of sloppy noises and imprecise memories. We clumsily rushed back to the bed, not even minding to put some new sheets on, landing on the bare mattress, one pressed against the other. We probably did it again, at least once. Only the adrenaline kept us going, but at some point I think we just passed out.

In the middle of the night, I woke with a start. A biting heat was scratching my throat, my mouth was completely drained, my body almost did not respond to my own commands, and my eyes refused to open. Once I faintly lifted my eyelids, I finally realized where I was. And most importantly, who I was with.

Lying next to me there was Levi, still sleeping soundly. Who knows how long he hadn't slept like that. His arms were still lazily wrapped around me, his chest swelled and deflated slowly with each breath, his forehead was flat and relaxed, his lips barely parted. I would have stayed there forever just staring at him.

I felt so small, so vulnerable on that bare mattress, and yet so calm. A thin thread of moonlight casually traced his contours and all I could do was silently contemplate him. If I had had the strength, I would have once more run my fingers through his silky dark hair, which now hung messily over his temples.

I would have stayed there forever.

I would have stayed there even forever if I hadn't felt that sudden bang inside my chest. Badum. Like a hammer knocking unexpectedly against my ribcage. Badum. A toll that became almost deafening in the absolute silence of that night. Badum. It was the first time a man had made me so small, so vulnerable. Badum. But I think I knew that feeling. Badum. It was the same thing I felt during the expedition, when the only thing I could think of was Levi and how badly I wanted to see him again. Badum.

I didn’t know what that was exactly, but it scared me to death.

“Oooh, you know what this is. You know it already, little liar. You felt like this even yesterday when you were looking for him everywhere, so desperately, so foolishly.” Badum.

“You felt like this when he helped you calming down.” Badum.

“When he kissed you the first time.” Badum.

“When he let you talk about your stupid past.” Badum.

“Even when he was just looking at you from a distance.” Badum.

“You’ve been feeling like this since the very beginning, you foolish little girl.” Badum.

“So why don’t you stay? Stay. Linger between your dear captain’s arms a little longer.“ Badum.

“Stay. No really, stay.” Badum.

“It won’t make much of a difference at this point.” Badum.

“Ruth is dead.” Badum.

“Abigail hates you.” Badum.

“Nina would hate you too if she only knew all the blood that ran through your hands last year.” Badum.

“Stay.” Badum.

At that point my heart was racing so wildly in my chest I almost believed it was about to wake Levi up, but probably only an earthquake could have disturbed his sleep in that state. I did my best to slip out of his arms as silently as possible, dragging my weary body off the bed, crawling, and looking for my clothes. Then I creeped out of his room, limping back to mine.

Time was not on our side, he was right. Nothing was on our side. People like Levi and me can be content with letting down their guards for one night and one night only. I would have stayed forever, but not in this life. The new day would eventually bring clarity to the stupid mistake we both made that night. He would have done the same in my position. Or at least, this is what I tried to tell myself as I curled up in my blankets, crying myself to sleep.

The next day I instinctively got up to the sound of the alarm and dragged my body into the bathroom like an automaton. I felt like throwing up. My bowels were literally upside down.

Then, opening the wardrobe to take the uniform, I came across my reflection. Almost complementary to the battle scars there were now faint bruises where Levi must have exerted too much pressure the previous night. I stared at them for a couple of solid minutes, not even daring to touch my own skin. They were the clear signs that what happened between us couldn’t be washed away that easily. But I was determined to find a way to erase them. To forget about him and get back on track. He wasn’t part of my plan, nor I would have allowed him in. Ever.

I'm going to earn my freedom on my own, legitimately this time. In a way or another.

Anyway, that morning eating was out of the question. I could barely bring myself to drink a glass of water at that point. On top of that, just the thought of seeing Levi made me already sick. Therefore, I decided to skip breakfast and go straight to the medical wing of the HQ. I knew I could be of service and my first aid skills were definitely needed after the expedition.

I kept myself busy all day, helping injured soldiers and filling reports. Hours dragged on pretty easily. I was so caught up that I even forgot about lunch. I was going around like a spinning top. But as always, the Lady Luck was not cooperating that day. Still kneeled beside a soldier’s bed to change his gauze, I suddenly froze. From a distance I heard the nurses greeting someone, saying things like: “Captain”, “Captain, welcome”, “How are you feeling, Captain?”

I hoped and prayed with my eyes closed they were talking to another captain. Spoiler alert: they weren’t.

Chills ran down my spine when, lifting cautiously my eyelids, I saw Levi sitting next to another soldier’s bed, right in front of the one I was taking care of. He wasn’t in his uniform, just regular clothes, his expression looked neutral, his shoulders less tense than usual.

He lingered there for less than five minutes I think, holding that man’s hand and talking to him with such a low tone I couldn’t catch a single word. That soldier’s conditions were pretty bad, I was told he was about to die and I assumed Levi was there to talk to him or just to say goodbye. I secretly imagined their conversation as I tried to stay focused on my patient. In the meantime, I foolishly believed Levi didn’t even perceive my presence, but when he stood up and walked past me, everything was suddenly crystal clear.

He knew I was there. He perfectly knew. It took a single, brief glance to express all the disappointment and disgust he was feeling toward me. Just one.

How I missed his old unreadable face.

I gulped and brought my eyes back on the soldier I was treating. I knew I probably hurt Levi, or maybe just his ego, but I didn’t expect that sudden nausea to grow again in my stomach.

I shouldn’t feel bad for him. I should feel bad for myself. Also, I only did him, us, a favor. A big favor. He’ll forget about me pretty soon. Stop thinking about him and just move on, Daphne. You made the right choice. No regrets, right?

When dinner time arrived, the nurses were practically forcing us all to take a break and go eat something, but my stomach was still upside down. As I was on my way to my bedroom, rhythmically exerting a little pressure on my biceps to relax a little, I sensed an arm hooking mine. Hange.

“Excuse me, Miss, where are you going? The food is in the opposite direction.” she said, softly smiling.

“I don’t really feel like eating right now…” I tried to evade her look.

“Are you unwell? I didn’t see you at breakfast, nor at lunch… Is everything okay? I mean, I know the expedition was rough and all-” she started to say, increasing the speed of her voice.

“No, no.” I interrupted her. “Don’t worry Hange, It’s just that I’m not hungry.”

“But you have to eat something. What about soup? It will warm you up a little if you’re not feeling well.” she suggested.

I sighed noisily, then just nodded. There was no way I could escape her. Hange always had her ways to convince people.

Luckily for me, there was still no sign of Levi when we entered the room. In the cafeteria, the air was tense and everyone was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The few who were chatting kept their voices low, the others were just staring somewhere on the floor or the table as they silently ate.

Hange and I took place with her fellows. It was so strange to not see Petra, Eld, Gunther and Oruo around. Even though I didn’t know all the soldiers I could feel those who were missing. I could feel an unbearable void.

And of course when I thought I was safe, suddenly Levi arrived. His unfazed facade was back on and he was still visibly limping.

I wonder if he changed his gauze this morning… Daphne, no. Don’t even try the nurse card now. Please, try to be professional.

As usual, he took his seat right in front of me, didn’t greet anyone, didn’t say a single word. Didn’t look at me. Not even once. Better, much better than that death look from earlier. Do not look at me. Do not talk to me.

“Finally! Levi, I didn’t see you at breakfast and lunch either. Where were you all?” Hange told him.

“Either who?” he calmly asked.

“Well, not even Daphne showed up. I’m just glad we are all here now. Together.” she sadly sighed.

I sensed Levi’s head tilting in my direction, but his eyes were still somewhere else. He probably had figured we were both trying to avoid each other. Or maybe I was the one making assumptions. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

“So, how are your legs?" Hange continued.

“Yes, Captain, how are your legs?” I imitated her with an unbothered tone, eyes fixed on my spoon as I raised it to take a sip.

“That should be my line.” said Levi.

I almost choked at his words, coughing and blushing visibly. This fucking asshole. So is this the game we’re playing now?

Hange immediately turned toward me, rubbing my back and asking me anxiously: “Did something happen to your legs too? Are you hurt? I knew something was wrong with you..."

I clicked my tongue and glanced at Levi, trying to show him all the anger pooling in my eyes. Then I replied nonchalantly: “Nothing serious. I'm good, Hange.”

I exhaled soundly, prey to that sudden frustration his words caused me, and decided to stand up from my chair.

“Sorry, I think I lost my appetite.” I added before I rushed out of the room. I don't have time for this bullshit.

Running off, I suddenly bumped into something. Something so hard I thought I was about to fall backward. Providentially two strong hands grabbed me by the shoulders before anything happened and I finally realized that hard wall was actually someone.

Ouch.

“Cadet, are you okay?” I heard someone saying.

I squinted my eyes, blinking as I tried to regain my composure. When I finally realized who was now in front of me, I just mumbled: “C-Commander, sorry, I wasn’t paying attention-”

“Don’t worry. Are you okay?” Erwin asked me again.

“I hope so...” I murmured in pain, rubbing my forehead. What is this man made of?? Bricks??

“Well, since you’re here, would you walk with me? I was kinda looking for you. Can you walk?” he calmly said.

What is it with everyone and my legs today? Wait, what?? He was looking… for me?

“Ehm, sure… I can walk.” I replied.

He nodded and beckoned me to join him as we started to walk along the hallway.

“So, how are you doing? Bump aside...” he asked with a soft voice.

“Vertical and breathing.” Daphne. Please, Daphne. Do not try to be sarcastic with your superior, for fuck’s sake.

“I-I mean, better than nothing. I’d live.” I corrected myself, not doing any better. When I side-eyed him I caught him lightly chuckling. Ok, that’s weird.

“Alright. I was informed about your contribution during the expedition. You did well.” he declared.

“I-I just… I just did what I had to do, sir.” Gosh, I sound like Levi.

“I’m glad to hear that.” added Erwin.

“I think now I get it… I-I get why you are fighting, what you are fighting for.” I don’t know why I told my biggest enemy that thing, but… I kind of needed to get it out of my chest.

He glanced at me, letting a small grin appear on his face, and then stopped in front of a massive door. Towering me with his height, the commander asked me: “Would you follow me inside my office? I’d like to continue this conversation in private. Just the two of us.”

Fuck. What have I just gotten myself into?

I nodded and shyly stepped inside the room behind him. At a first glance, his office was way bigger than Levi's. Every piece of furniture was made of dark solid wood. A big desk was right in the center, paired with his personal chair and two smaller ones on the opposite side, maybe for his occasional guests. On the right side of the room, there was a little green couch, some other shelves, a couple of paintings and maps hanging on the wall, and a door just ajar. His bedroom, probably. On the left, a huge library. I took a rapid glance at how every single book was perfectly aligned and ordered on each level. I was secretly trying to guess which of those concealed the poem Levi had told me the night before, imagining him browsing and picking up some books from there. But I was suddenly brought back to reality by Erwin’s voice when I heard him asking me:

“And tell me, how is it going with your comrades?”

As soon as he sat down at his desk I couldn't help but notice how solemn and handsome Erwin looked. His cheekbones were now illuminated by a little oil lamp beside him, his posture was regal, and his shoulders perfectly matched the two huge windows behind him. If possible, I was suddenly way more nervous than before.

“Oh, ehm… O-Okay, I think.” I stuttered.

“Have you noticed something strange with them?”

“No, sir. Not before what happened yesterday… When the spy came out and-”

He stopped my confused babbling only raising his palm and then asked: “And with your superiors? How is it going?”

Fuck. Me. Fuck me. No. No. No. C’mon Daphne, think fast. Say something.

“Ehm… I-I got the chance to interact with just a few of them… But, well, Hange has been very kind to me since the very beginning. She’s a great leader. She-” I started to say.

“What about your captain, Captain Levi?” he interrupted me again.

“What do you mean?” Here we go. Fuck. Here we go.

“You know he’s surveilling you on my account, right?” Erwin added.

He has been surveilling pretty closely, sir. That’s the problem.

“I’m well aware of that, sir.”

“And how is it going?” he questioned me.

It sucks because I think I like him, but I screwed up everything and now he hates me, but I don’t care because I’m not here for him, but actually I do care, like a lot, and now I don’t know what to do.

All I could say was: “Ehm, we had our ups and downs, but… Levi is a great captain. I respect him a lot.”

Even though it doesn’t seem like I do, considering that I left without a word after we fucked all night. But besides that, yes, I respect him a lot.

“Excellent. Excellent… Well, what I wanted to tell you was that I’ve been thinking about your situation recently… I thought deeply about it. All things considered, you behaved all this time. Except for that little accident…” he said lifting his gaze from his knuckles as he rested his elbows over his desk.

The Underground, I thought. I swallowed thickly.

“But you are also very disciplined, neat, always on time. You demonstrate to be skilled and smart. Or at least that’s what Levi has always claimed.”

I wonder if they talked about me even today. I wonder if he still thinks about me this way as a soldier even if he hates me…

“You contributed to the expedition and even survived the female titan.” the commander continued.

Geez, I’d like to know where he’s getting at with this conversation.

“So, I want to inform you that I’m willing to go a little easy on you. To loosen my grip.”

My eyes widened at the sound of his words.

“Just a little.” he added, gesturing a little space between his index and thumb, almost sarcastically.

My face fell after a second. He doesn’t think I’m that dumb, does he?

“I sense a but coming, Commander.”

“Buuuut. But. On one condition. I think Levi needs some rest and we still haven’t talked about his plans for you and Yeager given that his squad doesn’t exist anymore… However, we have to act as quickly as possible right now, and find the spy.” said Erwin.

I nodded to make sure he knew I was listening carefully.

“Since you were one of the few people to survive the female titan, your help is crucial right now. Therefore, I’ll personally ask you to do things for me, like cooperate with my subordinates and-”

“Yes. Yes, absolutely.” I hurried to say. Calm down, you stupid. “Ehm, I mean, sure. I’ll do it. Tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it.”

“Good. Good.”

He made a little pause, standing up from his desk. Then, walking toward me, he spoke again: “You’ll run some errands for me, bring me things, reports or papers from time to time, so just know that this office’s doors are always open for you.”

Should I be afraid of all this sudden kindness from the Commander? Or does he just need a lot of help?

I nodded again, then added: “Thanks, Commander.”

His shoulders relaxed and his eyes traveled down my body, examining my figure from head to toe.

“I saw you staring at the library earlier. Do you like reading?” he asked, moving his gaze toward the bookshelf.

“Honestly, I’ve never read a book, sir. I know how to read and write, but the only things I’ve ever read were...” Shit, how do I put this… “My… My former employer’s documents and letters. Pretty boring stuff.”

“I see.” He eyed me again, intertwining his hands behind his back, taking quite an authoritarian posture. “Well, feel free to take as many as you want from my library. Just remember to put them back afterward.”

“Really? I mean, I-” I blubbered, moving my hands anxiously. Can you not embarrass yourself for once, Daphne?

“Take one now.” he ordered me.

I gulped. “Ehm, okay.”

“I’ll take my leave now. I have a meeting with Hange. I suggest you find Wim and my other subordinates tomorrow morning. They’ll give you instructions about our research.”

I only nodded, following him with my eyes as he walked toward the door. But before he exited the room I spoke again: “Commander… Thank you again for your trust.”

If I behave and act accordingly, Erwin may even become my pass out of here. How the tables have turned...

He slightly rotated his head over his shoulder, softly smiled at me, and then just left without a word.

When the door closed, I started to walk back and forth in front of the library for a while, wondering which one to choose. Half of them were war-related books, from the theoretical ones to actual novels, and even poems collections. A little part of me was still looking for that particular one, the one Levi was talking about the night before, but I knew that was the one I should definitely have to avoid. There were so many I didn’t know which one to pick.

Take a short one, just to see if you like reading stories or not. Just pick one and leave, for fuck’s sake.

At some point, I noticed a little book with a pretty fancy cover, it looked like it was a part of a bigger collection of fictions. That’s it. I’ll start with this one.

As I walked to my bedroom I realized how late it was getting, the sky was darker than before and I thought maybe going to sleep earlier wasn’t a bad idea. I had hours of sleep to recover. But once in my room I figured that was easier said than done. Of course, all I could do was think about Levi, that night we spent together, and how twenty-four hours could make such a difference.

That book I took from Erwin’s shelf was a blessing. It helped me to distract myself, even though, from time to time, Levi’s face appeared between the lines. Whenever I brought my digit to my mouth to wet it or just touched the page to turn it I believed I could still feel his skin and the thought alone made me go insane. However, the story was so fascinating I read it all in one breath until I fell asleep still holding it in my hands. Without it, I would have probably stayed up all night thinking about him.

And then another day came, another day of Levi totally ignoring me. And then another one. And another one. Almost an entire week passed and his eyes were still injected with hate and other things I couldn’t figure out yet.

Luckily, the days after the expeditions were - to use a euphemism - busy. I went back and forth from Erwin’s office to update him about our research and progress, bringing him papers, letters, and whatever he needed. Even coffee or tea sometimes.

It came out that Armin had a theory about the spy, a really good one, and the commander decided to trust his intuition. From that moment the kid cooperated with us to see if that was the right path to follow.

I hardly ever happened to be at HQ, yet every time I set my foot there, it always seemed as if fate wanted me to accidentally meet Levi. It happened that I saw him even just walking by, for a few seconds or that we both ended up being in the same room, for several minutes or hours, even just a meter away from one another. His lips were always stitched and the few times they parted it was only to weave a few, cold, and terrible words against me. His eyes ignored me, like I was not in his line of sight, and whenever they found me, even from a distance, it was just to throw me deadly glances. Ignoring me was so deafening that I almost had the impression that all his attention was upon me.

So is this how it will go from now on?

[ AN: Guys, just to clarify, Daphne’s/your nausea is caused by the whole situation, she’s/you’re not pregnant, just stressed. Also, I know I shouldn’t be here explaining the story, but I hope no one is hating on Daphne right now. Poor girl, she is so scared of her feelings since she never felt like this and also feels like she betrayed her sisters (and herself somehow). However, stick around because the next chapters are going to be pretty animated. How do you think Levi is doing right now? I’m genuinely curious. Hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the story so far. See you next time! ]

[cowboylikedean]

folklermore spn finale: the last great american dynasty

Okay so this post took forever to write for a couple reasons. 

First of all, this one is special in that it has two readings for my grief.

The first one is terrible and heartbreaking and honestly I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it. I see Andrew Dabb as THE great villain of Supernatural, and he truly had a marvelous time ruining everything. The sarcastic nature of the song goes in to speak to the fact that I feel legitimately crazy for how much I blame him. It’s sad and heartbreaking. I think about it sometimes when i hear this song and instantly force myself to stop thinking about it and go back to the other view. 

So the other view is more what you might expect with the vibe of the song... but it is SO HARD for me to put into words, I found. So I’m sorry if this is messy and disjointed and all over the place. 

I spoke in cardigan’s post about how I’m not the fan the show wanted and there’s a large part of the narrative in the folkermore-spn-finale feelings for me that expresses not being the fan the narrative wanted or needed.... Most of the time this is brought up in this, it’s angry, or sad, or whatever... but this time... this time it celebrates it.

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Putting this under a cut because it’s very long. I didn’t mean for this to get this long rip.

I let myself sink into the feelings of wonder and awe I felt when I first fell in love with the show and then let myself find the conclusion that IF I did in fact “ruin everything” (aka the show) by not being the fan the show needed me to be to enjoy it, at least I had a good fucking time!

From that first bit where Taylor sings that Rebekah’s salt box house took her mind of St. Louis.... Supernatural took my mind off my life too. I remember when I first watched the show, I was 20 and I’d just failed out of school (the first time). I was lying to my mother and her husband (who I lived with) about going to school. I rode the city bus at the time because I didn’t have my license yet. I’d leave the house and say I was going to the bus stop down the street. Instead, I hid in the woods that separated my neighborhood from my grandfather’s back yard. I worked at his house “after school” every day from 4-6, taking care of his house, doing light cleaning and cooking, helping him adjust to being a double amputee so it worked out nice. Every night I pre-loaded 5 hours of episodes on my computer so I didn’t need the internet and every day I would sit in the cold on a log and put my computer on a slightly bigger log and curl up in my warm coat for a day of Supernatural before heading inside to Pappou’s house at 4. Sometimes, I just waited until the afternoon when I knew my mom would be gone and I could go home where it was warm and I had wifi. Sometimes though I got wrapped up and I just stayed there.. all day. 

Supernatural is, what I would consider, one of the last great american TV shows. Like... It’s right there with Grey’s Anatomy as the last TV shows that have an actual following where people watch it and it’s a thing that haven’t been corrupted by the streaming world. Television is so important to me, it’s my favorite medium of storytelling and it’s been lost. Streaming destroyed it. People say we’re living in a “golden age” because there’s “so much good TV” but there’s NOT! What we have is high production quality on a lot of mini-series and long-format movies that have been randomly split up into “episodes” but don’t make sense if you space them out in any way. The episodic serial format of television has been LOST and that’s heartbreaking... 

But to me... this song... it’s about The Last Great American TV Show, The Last Great American Fandom, The Last Great American Dynasty over my life, my fandom, my relationship with tv, and my world view. 

The line “How did a middle class divorcee do it?” also just... First of all there’s something so distinctly American about it... We all know Supernatural is itself a sort of lover letter to Americana... it’s the aesthetic of Nowhere USA which is part of what makes it so effective and heartbreaking. The line in the song is about how Rebekah was just... boring, average, a little sad. Someone unremarkable you feel a little pity for. That’s the Nowhere USA of the aesthetic of the show... THAT’S the heartbeat of “Americana.” It’s boring, average, unremarkable, a little sad, you kinda pity it, it shouldn’t be that deep, but it is. It’s when the unremarkable accomplishes the remarkable. And that’s the whole myth they fed us as kids, isn’t it? I could never explain the beauty of this line inside or outside the context of Supernatural to someone who isn’t US American so I’ll just stop trying... but it’s just kljasfkd 

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that first stanza in the first verse... When I fell in love with Supernatural, I was boring unremarkable, a little sad... and the show was a wealth of possibilities... but also I was at a point where I was getting over the main fandom I’d had for the past year and a half (Buffy) and I had just fallen in love with Sherlock and I had nothing but time. I wasn’t bogged down with the anxiety of school, I got to devote my whole life and existence to this show. I was also a wealth of possibilities, and as we know the show was also boring, average, unremarkable, and a little sad. Both me and the show were Bill and both me and the show were Rebekah.

So when the wedding between me and the show was charming, if a little gauche it made sense cause there’s only so far new money goes. For me, this represents 2012-Mishapocalpyse: The Golden Age... Look... It’s no secret 2012 was my favorite year of all time... Tumblr was small and fun and hadn’t been corrupted by wanting or trying to be “cool” or “edgy” or “interesting.” I chose the mishapocalypse for the end of this era to me because that was the last time I felt like I could come on tumblr and really just LET GO into insanity. Almost instantly people were shit talking it as if it was not the single most fun 24 hours this website had ever had. In 2013, we saw the rise of YFIP and people trying so hard to “””prove””” they were “”””cool”””” unlike ~those~ tumblr people!!! It was pathetic. But in 2012, we just... had fun. And it was charming, if a little out there. But there really is only so far that the youthful innocence of an online community that’s new goes. 

But I picked out a home on tumblr. And our parties were tasteful if a little loud. Tumblr in 2012/2013 was..... Fun. From mapcrunch to the mishapocalpyse. Some would argue about taste, but I’d say... “if a little loud.” I really just can’t separate the fun I had on tumblr back then from spn and I can’t separate spn from the fun I had back then. 

But then of course, we all need to settle down some times because the fun doesn’t last forever. In this line, I hear myself in both Bill and Rebekah and I hear the show in both Bill and Rebekah. Both of our hearts gave out and the other way to blame. 

So then the chorus... “who knows if she never showed up what could have been?” I CHANGED because of the show, I don’t know who the hell I’d BE without it! And likewise, I don’t think *I* personally changed the actual show, but the show WAS changed by each one of us. The show itself is folklore, changed and shaped in each retelling. There’s a creative freedom to the chorus that lives in that love.

So then there’s the second verse. After the rose colored glasses came off, Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever and I gave up on the greater spn fandom forever. I dropped the hellers and joined the tight knit Dean stans. This verse is about living in spite. It’s that wild American rebellion mixed with a little bit of sensual romanticism. In season 9, it was us against the world. And the reality is we were angrier than this verse gives and less free and fun... but looking back, it felt like A Time. I don’t know how to put it into words really but it was like... We found ways (and continue to find ways) to celebrate Dean when we weren’t supposed to. Fuck everyone else Dean is perfect. 

And then in the second verse, we celebrate that rebellion. The change from “the maddest woman” to “the most shameless woman” in the chorus is so important here... In the first chorus, Rebekah and I were mad and crazy and wild. In the second chorus, we had no shame. We lived IN SPITE of the state of the world around us and fucked anyone who had anything to say about it. 

In the first chorus, “who knows if she never showed up what could have been” paired with “maddest” has this creative potential. Like who knows who I would have been without spn and who knows what the show would have been without us, the fandom. And in the second chorus, that line changes to this destructive force. Like the show and I were both shameless to just exist, you know? because we would have been better without each other... but even as it acknowledges that, it’s still... sweet.

So then we have the time I left the fandom. Here we only hear bits and pieces of Rebekah’s life and Rebekah’s time in Holiday House. She was only seen “on occasion.” And on occasion, you could find me reblogging some Dean stan posts, getting into spats with Sam stans, posting about how the writers suck, calling out a heller. But 7 years is a long time and my fandom sat quietly in the history of my blog... And then it was picked up by me. 

Rebekah, in the song, refers to my past. My previous relationship with the show. Taylor’s part refers to my current relationship with the show. 

Who knows if I never showed up what could have been? If I never came back, what would my life look like? It would have been healthier, I’m sure. But then again - I needed this. And if the show hadn’t came back who would I be? 

But there goes the loudest non-woman this fandom has ever seen. I will scream from the ROOFTOPS! and what I want to scream is EVERYTHING from the past but with my full grown adult context. I know now more than I knew then that I had a MARVELOUS TIME ~ruining everything~!!! And I get to CELEBRATE THAT! I get to let go and have fun. I get to sit and think of Nov 5 and how that night, I relived those parties that were tasteful if a little loud. And then every day since I relived flying in the Bitch Pack friends from the city. I get to CELBRATE!

I may not have been the fan the show wanted. I may have fucked shit up. I may have lived in spite of this show even when I lived because of it. But damn I had a marvelous FUCKING TIME Ruining. Everything. Everything this show built it wanted me to see and love and appreciate with these toxic fucking relationships and the destruction of Dean Winchester can KISS MY ASS cause I had a MARVELOUS time fucking that shit up. Everything this show wanted from me that I refused to give it. Every SPEC of growth and learning and fun and enjoyment I have had from this show.... was toxic. It ruined it. Because it was not the growth and learning and fun and enjoyment the show WANTED ME TO HAVE. But damn did I have fun. 

The show and I are the last great American dynasty full of rebellion and spite and damn is it fun. 

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Tracks opinions part 3: Logan

(Here I go again! Logan’s playlist is a bit more straightforward than the other bois, so heres hoping this one doesn’t take me as long 🤞)

1) The Elements: Not much to say. It just a literal musical list of the periodic table of elements. You can’t get much more Logan than that 😂 Also, Logan likes chemistry!

2) White and Nerdy: Apart from the obvious listing of nerdy things and the legitimate title, Logan feels like he doesn’t always get taken seriously enough by the other sides (“I wanna roll with the gangstas, But so far they all think I'm too White and nerdy” “I wanna bowl with the gangstas, But, oh well, it's obvious I'm White and nerdy”). Basically Logan is a big nerd and a dork. He knows that and he’s worried that sometimes it ostracizes him from the others.

3) Algorithm: Logan doesn’t understand humans very well, at least, he doesn’t understand anything but the logical aspect of humans and the world. He has a different view on life than the other sides (“Supercomputer status, walkin' along streets”). He thinks that the dilemmas and problems in the world would not exist if it wasnt for humans throwing a wrench into all of it with their feelings and emotions (“Humans don't understand, humans will sell a lie. Humans gotta survive, we know we gon' die. Nothing can live forever, you know we gon' try. Life, is it really worth it?”). As the song puts it, Logan believes that the theoretical algorithm of life is perfect, and he doesn’t understand why it needs to get muddied and ruined by simple human issues (“Looking for something worth it, the algorhythm is perfect, mmh”).

4) Fitter Happier: This song is interesting because it shows us the innerworkings of Logan’s thought process. A lot of what he does involves simply planning daily tasks (things as small as drinking or eating) based on what he knows is most healthy for Thomas. The song completely lacks any sense of feeling or emotion and is, as I stated, a legitimate list of things to do in a day. All tasks are put in place to keep Thomas fitter and happier, however, Logan doesn’t have a grasp on emotions and clearly doesn’t know all of the things that Thomas needs to be happy AND healthy. I’ll just list some interesting daily tasks in the song here: “Regular exercise at the gym, three days a week” “Eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats” “Careful to all animals, never washing spiders down the plughole” “Favours for favours, fond but not in love” “Still cries at a good film” “Still kisses with saliva”. As the song goes on, you kind of get a sense that Logan is losing his grip on Thomas, or doesn’t understand why Thomas isn’t feeling satisfied with the plan that, to him, is perfect. Thomas feels trapped in the life that Logan plans for him, and Logan does not understand why that is (“A pig in a cage on antibiotics” “No chance of escape”). There are also a lot of points in the song where Logan shows that he finds emotions to be a weakness, or something to hide away (“Will not cry in public” “Nothing so childish” “No paranoia”).

5) Medicine: I’m not 100% sure what this song is about, but it talks a lot about ancient philosophy. Basically being curious about the world and people in it. I’m guessing that Logan just likes philosophy and thinks that people should always stay curious. Logan really values curiosity and thinking (of course).

6) The Watchtower: This ones... interesting to say the least. If you’re a fan of the broken blue crayon theory you may want to look into this song a bit more. The song talks about being broken and wanting to restart things, possibly showing that Logan will crack at somepoint and need to reevaluate how he’s been handling things (“I'm breaking, I need another start. Far away, From the city lights.”). Ultimately, I think this song is about Logan’s neutrality over all the situations that the group handles. He doesn’t really see problems as good or bad, because he can see logical scenarios with both options (“From the watchtower, We can see things coming. Good or bad”). He knows that this mentality makes him a bit unlikeable because the other sides want him to side with them, but he doesn’t really mind (“I don't mind, If I'm impopular-ar.”).

7) The Breach: Another interesting one which I feel like could have two meanings. My first take was that this song was about Virgil escaping the dark side of Thomas’ mind and mixing in with the light sides. Logan wasn’t quite sure how to process this new arrival at the begining and had no control over his escape (“Generally operating normally, A small anomaly has become evident” “There is spiking in the pulse of a member of the cargo” “First: the recommended course of action should be to Administer a sedative to all the cargo via ventilation” “Now: one specifically is up and moving to the door”). After looking into the lyrics a bit more though, it seemed like a lot of them could be applied to Janus as well, specifically his first appearance when he was disguised as patton. Logan knew from very early on the Janus was taking pattons spot, but was unable to say or do anything about it due to Janus being the only one with “the access code” (“The ship is fully capable of automating this But requires an approval code from the administration” “He has found the access panel situated in the floor. He is entering the codes and overriding has begun. Reading rage in the nervous system, nothing can be done”). Either way you see it, I’m nearly positive it is about a dark side coming out to the light and Logan not being able to control it.

8) The Letter C: I LOVE THIS ONE 😂 And it’s the first in our list of songs that Logan vent’s about Roman in! The premise of the song is that someone insulted the main singers rap and so the main singer goes off about the comeback he wished he would have used to tell this guy off. It’s honestly such a funny song and I couldn’t give it the justice it deserves here by just listing the lyrics. It gives off huge rap battle vibes and I’m sure Logan would have been imagining the one who insulted him as Roman. Here’s just some great lines that I’d like to point out: “Man I wish I could’ve hit him with a zinger. Should’ve served him with the verbal equivalent of a middle finger.” “I’d say, "Are you insured medically? ‘Cause you sure better be When you’re broken in half from provokin’ the wrath” ““Aw shit!” “Oh crap!” Everybody within earshot would be like, “Oh snap!” I’d high five all around while the guy falls down in a ball on the ground” “I pull out a sharpie marker, Narrow my eyes through my Warby Parkers. Like, “Watch who you’re f-in’ with, with your f-in’ ish””.

9) Galaxy Song: Logan trying to calm Thomas down in the only way he knows how: Gushing about how great the natural world is (“Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving” “Now the sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see, Are moving at a million miles a day” “Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars” “And our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions In this amazing and expanding universe”). It’s cute, its wholesome, and Logan tries his best to be comforting 🖤 (“So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure, How amazingly unlikely is your birth; And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!”).

10) Streaks: Logan explains to Thomas that growing up is a process that he needs to experience. He understands that it’s hard and scary, but he believes that if you follow the plan and stay in the lines, everything will work out alright (“You can decide on the colors that you like As long as you stay in the lines” “All these years of filling out papers, Building a future, keeping your head down. Tryin' to keep a head on your shoulders” “Cause It's all a piece of the plan. It's something You'll understand When you're older” “Give em what they need to move on, then you let them go”). As he’s explained in canon, he doesn’t really see room for taking a lot of creative liberties in life, and he believes Thomas should follow the mold set out for everyone in life. That’s the logical way to survive anyways.

11) What I do for You: (This song and the next song feel pretty connected to me, so keep that in mind) In this song, Logan really shows his pride and ego. He believes he is the most important side for Thomas and that he will get Thomas the furthest in life (“I want you to survive” “I'm your only hope, I'm your savior too. Every single test You've been ever carried through”). Despite his superiority complex, he knows that Thomas doesn’t see Logan as important as he should. Logan knows how much he does for Thomas but is a bit annoyed that Thomas never seems to notice (“I couldn't ever give up on you, But don't thank me”).

12) Erase Me: Oooh boy. This ones heavy... Logan is PISSED. The whole song feels like a jab at Thomas, daring him to get rid of Logan to see what happens. Logan still feel important and knows his necessity as part of Thomas, but he’s frustrated with the lack of recognition he gets for all of the things he does (“Would it be easier? To just delete, our pages And the plans we've made” “Erase me, so you don't have to face me. Put me in ground and move the daisies” “So what will you do? With no me for you” “Erased me, what the fuck is this? You're crazy, Turn around and do each time, Replace me”). Logan sounds MAD in this song, something that he’s shown in canon quite a few times. It’s interesting that Logan alone seems to be the only side whose shown such anger and furstration, this song just adding to his list of instances. I’m not sure what that could mean going forward...

13) Art is Dead: Well what do yah know? Another rant song for Roman! We all know how Logan feels about Thomas’ choice of career as an entertainer and this song is basically just that. Logan can’t understand Roman’s dreams and aspirations for Thomas because they don’t make any logical sense to him (“ Have you ever been to a birthday party for children And one of the children won't stop screaming Cuz he's just a little attention attractor. When he grows up to be a comic or actor He'll be rewarded for never maturing, For never understanding or learning That every day can't be about him. There's other people, you selfish asshole!”) Logan would rather Thomas take up a job that is benefiting society and making his world a better place (“Cause I wanted my name in lights When I could have fed a family of four For forty fucking fortnights”). Roman’s self-centered and fantastical view on Thomas’ future is just childish to Logan and he feels like Thomas may one day grow out of it (“I'm just a kid And maybe I'll grow out of it”).

14) Equation: Oh man... I just don’t know. The song mentions a mom and dad, so I automatically go to a younger Thomas and his younger version of Logan. The song just asks a bunch of questions that feel like things a little kid might ask (“Have I made you cross? Have I made you sad? Have I made you proud Mom?” “How white is the snow, Does it matter after all?Will I ever learn How to fly like a birds?” “Are you going to school? Are you far from home? Are you well alone Dad? Will I be a brave? Will I be a bright? Will I be a good grown up?”). Logan may have represented more of Curiosity in Thomas’ younger years than Logic. A lot of Logan’s songs have an encompasing theme of wonder and curiosity being amazing things to have. I think Logan really values that part of himself/Thomas.

15) Sunrise: Yes! The love song everyone! I’ll shut that down right away and say that Logan DOES NOT UNDERSTAND LOVE. He isn’t even capable of “love” as some of the other side may be. He of course understands love and how it works, but it’s merely a process to him, and a word which he’s openly stated that he doesn’t like to use. So lets try to look at this from Logan’s perspective. The song is literally about learning spanish, yes its clearly romantic, but its about learning spanish. Something that Logan has shown an interest in since wayyyy back at the begining of the series. I like to imagine that this song came up in Thomas’ playlist and Logan was overjoyed that Thomas was not only learning something from the song, but also learning spanish!

16) One More Time with Feeling: This one feels kind of tough to crack. To me, I get the feeling that Logan’s again talking about the others and the fact that they don’t listen to him. He prepares his words and hopes to get through to them, but is only welcomed by blank faces and misunderstanding (“Everyone takes turns. Now it's yours to play the part And they're sitting all around you, Holding copies of your chart, And the misery inside their eyes is Synchronized and reflecting into yours”). After getting shut down, Logan tries again ‘with feeling this time’, hoping to get through, but it falls flat over and over again (“Hold on. One more time with feeling. Try it again, breathing's just a rhythm. Say it in your mind until you know that the words are right”). Logan has been trying really hard to appeal to the others in different way, but if seems like it never works in his opinion (“You thought by now you'd be So much better than you are. You thought by now they'd see That you had come so far”). He want’s to finally be shown the respect that he believes he deserves and hopes to one day be loved by the others and much as they love each other (“And the pride inside their eyes Would synchronized into a love you've never known. So much more than you've been shown”).

17) In My Mind: Logan has a drastically different view of Thomas’ future than is actually the case (“In a future five years from now. I'm one hundred and twenty pounds, And I never get hung over Because I will be the picture of discipline” “And I will be someone I admire And it's funny how I imagined That I would be that person now, But it does not seem to have happened” “Maybe I've just forgotten how to see That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be”). He’s realized that he has some unrealistic expectations for Thomas and that’s odd to him as, logically, things should have played out how he thought they would. At the end of the song, Logan seems to accept the fact that even though Thomas hasn’t strictly followed the plan that Logan expected, he’s still doing great and succeeding at life (“I am exactly the person that I want to be”).

18) Not Perfect: This song has a lot of lyrics, but most of them can be taken at face value. Logan recognizes that everything in Thomas’ life (his world, his country, his house, his body, and his brain) is not perfect. I’m sure it’s a metaphor for Logan realizing that he, himself, is not perfect and he’s begining to realize that he can’t solve every problem.

19) Human: This song is also long. REALLY LONG. But thankfully it is fairly straight forward. When life is getting Thomas (or any of the sides down) Logan will list facts about their life as a human that are supposed to be comforting or inspirational. It’s basically just like Galaxy song, but a bit more personal and loving. Here’s just some cute quotes from it to keep you all going: “For you are a force of skin & nails & heart. A walking Monae, you're breathing art” “The average human heart will beat over 100 million times in one lifetime. I'm sure you'll find someone who won't mind skipping one for you” “You need to grow up. You need to grow out of things. When something doesn't belong, even your body knows when it's time for that thing to be Replaced” “15 million blood cells are Destroyed in a human body every second. If your body can get over it You can get over that last relationship”). Basically Logan trying to ground Thomas in reality to make him realize that everything he’s going through is just human.

20) Time Adventure: (ughhh this song make me cry every time I hear it) That being said, I was a bit surprised to hear this on Logan’s album and not Pattons. Not only that, but it’s his finishing song. The song is all about growing up and how, even though time passes, you will always have the good memories that you built along the way. It’s also about how, no matter how much time passes, the singer and the person theyre singing about will always be friends. Seems kind of like a weird song choice for Logan right? It seems like it needs to include Patton in someway... So perhaps its Logan trying to comfort Patton. Patton has shown a fear of growing up and changing, so perhaps telling him that he’ll always have a friend in Logan no matter how the times change is something that Logan does to ease his worries.

(Oh boy... this one took a long time 😅 Sorry about that! Like usual, let me know what you think and give your own opinions if you’d like!)