#lee seo hwan

[mangodelorean]

Out-of-context screenshots | A Virtuous Business, Episodes 05-06

[thehereticdiaries]

A (Not So) Meet Cute: Chapter One

Summary: After a day of bad luck, you just wanted to go home and relax. Unfortunately for you, a creepy man throws a wrench in those plans. Warnings: stalking, assault, sexual assault, minor violence, cops, creepy weird older man A/N: Some of the tropes and wording in this screams y2k teen coming of age movie, which wasn't intentional but it's a happy coincidence

Luck has not been on your side today. Your alarm didn’t go off, meaning you were late to work. In your scramble to get to the bus on time, you forgot to eat and make your morning coffee. You made it to the bus – just barely. 

There was already a line of people waiting for you to unlock the doors to the bookstore. You quickly ran through the opening duties while the customers browsed the shelves. Apparently, you didn’t plug in your charger last night. Your phone was at a measly 30 percent. And of course, you didn’t have your charger in your bag. The closer from yesterday took the charger that was normally by the register. You would have to make due without social media during this shift.

Now it was 15 minutes until the end of your shift. You were so ready to go home and collapse onto your couch. The bell above the door jingled, and you greeted the customer on autopilot. You could see the customer lingering by the door in your peripherals. You turned to ask if they needed help finding something, but froze seeing the disheveled man already staring at you. Feeling a bit uneasy, you turned back to stocking the snacks at the register.

Your relief was already ten minutes late, and you were getting antsy. Your phone was down to 1 percent. You wanted to get home before it died. Not to mention the man was still wandering around the store, looking at you from around bookshelves every few minutes. You barely greeted your coworker when she finally walked into the store. You began speed walking down the street, slinging your bag across your chest. 

But today could not go more wrong . The creepy man followed you as you headed to the bus stop, hanging back a few feet. The hair on the back of your neck raised as anxiety bubbled up in your stomach. You couldn’t go home with this man following you. If he found out where you lived, he could break in and rob you, or worse. 

You detoured into a coffee shop, hoping to lose the man by pretending to read. You ordered the first thing you saw on the menu, a latte maybe? You weren’t really paying attention to the barista. Your focus was stuck on the creep that was still following you. The barista called the fake name that you gave him. You grabbed the drink and sat at a table toward the back of the cafe. To your dismay, the creep sat in the chair right next to you. 

“You’re a foreigner, yeah?” The smell of weed and alcohol hung heavy on his breath. You shrunk into yourself, holding the coffee in front of you as a poor excuse of a shield.

“Um, yea, I am,” you answered warily. You pulled your headphones on despite your phone dying as soon as you entered the cafe. Maybe if he saw you were busy, he would leave you alone. You jumped when the man ripped your headphones off, leaving them hanging around your neck.

“It’s rude to ignore an elder trying to make conversation,” he slurred. Your gaze flickered between the man and the barista, but the latter was either ignoring you or didn’t know what you were trying to signal.

“So, pretty foreigner, how did your Korean get so good?” The creep continued. “A lot of young girls like you sleep around to improve their accent.” A spike of fear ran down your spine.

“I- I’m meeting my boyfriend here.” You don’t have a boyfriend, but the excuse usually worked with the assholes at American bars. 

“So? I can’t keep you company while you wait?” He barked out a raspy laugh. You were panicking at this point, tears threatening to spill out. You were praying for another person to walk in the cafe. The creep was relentless, chattering away oblivious to the fact that you weren’t paying attention at all. The man ran a hand up your thigh. You cursed yourself for wearing a skirt today.

Luck finally decided to show its face in the form of a young man entering the cafe. His short, black hair stuck out from under a beanie. He wore a mask and was typing away on his phone. You silently thanked the gods for giving you a way out of your current situation.

“There he is, bye!” You jumped out of your seat and practically sprinted over to the masked stranger. 

“Hey babe! You’re late, I was worried you forgot about me.” You threw your arms around the stranger’s neck. “Please help, that man is following me.” You whispered before pulling back. Your hands lingered on his biceps. You prayed that he would play along. His eyes flickered from you to the creep slinking his way over.

“Sorry, love. My last class ended a little later than normal.” You let out a shaky breath in relief. Even with most of his face obscured, there was something familiar about him. You couldn’t put your finger on it, so you ignored it.

“Ugh, you had physics today, right? I’ve heard the professor has a huge stick up his ass,” you easily continued his story. He rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance.

“You heard right. I’m almost 100 percent certain professor Jung doesn’t know how to smile.” Your “boyfriend” ran his thumb across your knuckles. You pouted at him in mock pity. His eyes met with something behind you and his expression (or what you could see of it) soured. He pulled you so that his body was obscuring yours. 

“Can I help you?” Your “boyfriend” sneered at the creep. The latter looked surprised that he was being acknowledged. You clung to the back of the masked man’s hoodie, peeking around his shoulder. 

The creep put his hands up in false surrender. The boy in front of you stared the creep down until the door of the cafe shut behind him. You immediately backed up from your unsuspecting savior, bowing deeply.

“Thank you!” You straightened back up. “Thank you so, so much. That man has been following me for, like, 20 minutes.”

“Seriously? What an asshole.” He scoffed in disbelief. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m okay now. I don’t know how to thank you enough. Can I buy your drink?” You offered. His eyes crinkled in a hidden smile.

“I’m getting drinks for me and my friends.” He tried waving your offer away.

“Oh, well how many friends? I don’t mind-”

“It’s me and seven others.” He raised an eyebrow at you. You gaped at him, and he snickered at your shock.

“Okay, maybe not.” You definitely couldn’t pay for eight overpriced lattes. You remembered your own drink, needing the caffeine after the whole ordeal. You turned to your table, but your drink was gone. That asshole stole your coffee.

“You good?” The kind stranger’s voice interrupted your internal rage.

“That fucking creep took my coffee!” You exclaimed, gesturing to the table where your drink should have been. 

“Damn, no shame. Come on, I’ll get you a new one.” He nudged your shoulder before approaching the counter. “Eight iced Americanos aaaaand,” he trailed off, turning to you.

“You don’t have to-” a sharp look stopped your denial in its tracks. “And an iced French vanilla latte.” He smiled and paid for all nine beverages, much to your chagrin. The two of you moved to wait by the pick up counter.

“So what’s your name?” He asked, leaning against the counter.

“Oh! Y/N L/N, you?” 

“Kim Seungmin.” The stranger, now known as Seungmin, looked pleasantly surprised. You chatted while the barista prepared the drinks. Once they were ready, you helped Seungmin load the Americanos into carriers. You held the door open for him as you exited the cafe.

“Shouldn’t I be the one holding the door for you? I’m such a horrible boyfriend,” he teased. 

“You’re holding eight coffees!” You flushed and lightly hit his arm. He laughed and shook his head. You tried suppressing your smile, trying to be mad at him, but failed. 

“Thank you, again. For the coffee and for the help with-” You froze in your tracks. Seungmin tilted his head at your sudden stop and wide, fearful eyes.

“Mother fucker! ” You cursed in English. Seungmin’s eyebrows shot up. “That creep is still watching us!”

“What?!” Seungmin followed your gaze. Sure enough, the man was lurking across the street, watching you. “Oh, you have to be shitting me.”

“God, what does he want with me? And why me?!” You whined in frustration. Your phone was still dead, but you didn’t want to burden your new friend further.

“Here, hold one of these.” Seungmin handed you one of the coffee carriers. He then took your drink and tucked it in the center so that one of your hands was empty. He laced his finger with yours and tugged you down the sidewalk.

“What? Where are we going?” You questioned. You pointedly ignored the butterflies erupting in your stomach at the contact.

“We’re going back to where my friends are. If this guy is still following us, we’re calling the cops.” Seungmin left no room for arguments. You nodded and let him lead you to a recording studio about ten minutes from the cafe.

“Ooh, a recording studio? Are you a musician?” You asked as you approached the glass doors. There was a pin pad to the right.

“Yeah, me and my friends are in a band. Here, stand in front of me,” he breezed past your questions and pulled you to stand between him and the building. He reasoned with himself, arguing that he was doing this to make sure you weren’t vulnerable. Definitely not because your perfume smelled nice and he wanted to be closer to you. Nope. Definitely not.

“The doors are locked with a pin,” Seungmin explained and reached around you to type in the digits. “You’ll be safe here.” A buzz indicated the door unlocking and he ushered you inside. 

The studio’s front room was small, holding only a couch and a coffee table. There was an open door on the opposite wall. You heard several loud conversations coming from the other room. The two of you placed the carriers on the coffee table.

“Is he still there?” You asked, a little too nervous to look for yourself. Seungmin looked outside and nodded. You shoved your face into your hands. Why was this happening to you?!

“Guys, I’m back!” Seungmin shouted while removing his mask. Okay, now you were certain you’ve seen him before. But where? It was irking you.

“Coffee! Thank god!” A young man with shoulder length dark hair huffed as he strolled out of the other room. He stopped when he saw you. Another man with longer platinum hair followed the first guy. 

“Oh, who’s your friend, Seungmin?” The blonde asked in a surprisingly deep voice. Oh, shit. The pieces clicked together.

“Oh my fucking god, you’re Stray Kids,” you muttered to yourself, feeling a mix of horror and embarrassment. 

“You finally figured it out?” Seungmin teased. You glared at him. How could you not recognize him earlier?! You scolded yourself in your mind.

“Y/N, this is Hyunjin and Felix. Hyunjin and Felix, Y/N.” Seungmin gestured between the three of you. Clearly he was enjoying this.

“Hi, nice to meet you. No offense, but why are you here?” Hyunjin asked, looking between you and Seungmin. 

“Ah, right. We need Chan or Minho to call the police. Like, now,” Seungmin explained (barely). The older boy didn’t question it and disappeared back into the other room. Felix’s face twisted into concern. Only moments later, Hyunjin returned with two other boys in tow. Holy shit that’s Bang Chan and Lee Know. You didn’t know if you should freak out because you were meeting idols, or freak out because Lee Know looked like he wanted to kill you.

“Seungmin, what’s going on? Who is that?” Chan questioned.

“Did she break in?” Minho glared at you. His intense stare made you want to crawl into a hole. 

“No, no. We need to call the cops for her, not because of her,” Seungmin raised his hands to mediate the situation. You backed yourself into the corner as the rest of Stray Kids filled the small lounge. 

“Seungmin. What. Happened?” Chan was trying (and failing) to get control of the situation.

“I’m- I- I’m so sorry.” You stuttered. Your breathing picked up and your heart was racing. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your rehearsal. I just-” you cut yourself off with a sob. The reality of hiding from a stalker in Stray Kids’ studio was hitting you hard.

“Hey, Y/N, right? I need you to breathe with me,” Jisung placed his hands on your shoulders, urging you to meet his eyes. “Okay, breathe in. Breathe out.”

While Jisung led you through breathing exercises to quell your panic attack, Seungmin recounted everything that happened since he entered the coffee shop. Chan’s expression grew increasingly alarmed. Felix was horrified. The blonde moved to run a soothing hand across your shoulder blades. Chan nodded once Seungmin finished. 

“Y/N, come sit down. Please.” Chan sat on the couch. He patted the spot next to him. You hesitated, but sat on the edge of the cushion. “Can you tell me what happened before you ran into Seungmin?”

You nodded. You took a deep, shuddering breath before explaining everything that happened since the creepy man showed up at the bookstore. The boys stared at you with varying levels of disgust and anger on their faces. Well, except Minho. He kept a neutral expression until you told them about the man trying to touch under your skirt.

“He fucking what? ” Minho nearly shouted. You jumped at the angered edge to his voice. “Sorry, you’re okay, I’m not mad at you . But this man put his hands on you? And he’s still lingering outside?” You nodded.

“Fuck, what the hell, man?!” Hyunjin raked a hand through his hair. Jisung sat on the arm of the couch next to you. He ran a comforting hand along your shoulders. 

“Alright, I’ll go call the police. Keep an eye on the pervert. Let me know if he tries something.” Minho pulled out his phone and moved back into the other room, passing Changbin on his way in. He paced around the recording room.

“112, what is your emergency?” The operator answered after one ring. 

“My name is Lee Minho, I am calling on behalf of a girl that approached my friend for help. She has been followed and harassed by a strange man for about an hour now. This man has followed her from her workplace, to a coffee shop, and now to our recording studio,” Minho launched into a concise explanation of the situation. 

“Alright, Lee-nim, where is your studio located?” The operator asked, the sound of a keyboard clicking away filled the background.

“It’s the JYP satellite studio on Seonsa-ro. The door is locked with a pin, so the man can’t get in. He is still lingering on the street out front.” Minho pinched the bridge of his nose. This was not how he expected today’s session to go. “I’m here with seven friends and the girl.”

“There are officers on their way. They should arrive in less than five minutes. Please stay on the line until they arrive,” the operator instructed. Minho hummed in affirmation. The soft conversations in the front room were cut off by a loud crash followed by a scream. Minho rushed out to face utter chaos.

The man had thrown a brick through the glass door of the studio. Where did he even get a brick? Chan, Changbin, and Seungmin were in the man’s face, shoving him back towards the door when he tried to walk further into the room. Hyunjin and Jeongin stood in the middle of the room, while Jisung and Felix held onto you in the furthest corner from the door. 

“Lee-nim, what’s happening?” The operator’s voice broke him from his daze.

“The man has broken into the studio. My friends are keeping him away from the girl, but he’s getting more violent.” Minho moved to stand directly in front of you and the two younger boys. 

“Officers will be there in less than a minute.” He was barely paying attention to what the operator was saying at this point. His ears were ringing and the scene in front of him felt like it was moving in slow motion. The man swung wildly at the three boys at the front. 

“EVERYBODY STOP!” The harsh voice of a police officer forced time back to normal. Three officers approached, guns trained on the creepy man. For a tense moment, it looked like he was going to fight back. “Kneel and put your hands on your head.” Reluctantly, he obeyed the officer. 

The man was handcuffed and forced to his feet. One officer led the man outside and into a patrol car. The other two officers split up to take statements from you and the boys, with the female officer approaching you. Jisung and Felix once again had to help calm your hiccuping sobs enough for you to talk to the kind officer. 

It took another 20 minutes for the officers to gather all of the necessary information. Finally, they pulled away to take the man to the police station. Silence fell over the group. What. The. Fuck.

Seungmin broke the silence with a harsh sigh. He tugged you away from the sunshine twins and into a tight hug. You squeaked in surprise, but allowed the second youngest to hold on to you. One hand held your waist, the other cradled the back of your head. It was surprisingly tender and the tension melted away from your body.

“I really don’t know how to thank you all enough,” you admitted once you managed to pull your face from Seungmin’s chest. Your watery eyes glanced around the group of idols. Never in a million years did you think you would meet Stray Kids, let alone be protected and comforted by them.

“I’d settle for your number,” Jisung quipped. You whipped around to gawk at the rapper. 

“I- what? Are you serious?” You were in disbelief. “Why?”

“Y/N, sweetheart, you’re insane if you think we wouldn’t want to keep in touch after all of this,” Hyunjin argued, the pet name causing a light blush to spread across your cheeks and nose. You were suddenly very aware of Seungmin still standing behind you with a hand on your lower back.

“Obviously if you’re not comfortable with it, you don’t have to,” Chan quickly chimed in. You shook your head.

“I don’t mind, but are you sure? I wouldn’t want you to get into any trouble for sharing that information with a fan,” your eyebrows pinched in concern. 

“I think I speak for all of us when I say you’re a bit more than just a fan now,” Felix reassured. “I mean, three of us were literally just fighting a man to keep you safe.” 

“Relax.” Seungmin smoothed the crease between your brows with a swipe of his thumb. Your blush deepened a few shades. 

“My phone is still dead.”

“Here, put your number in my phone. I’ll walk you back to your place and text you after you get inside.” Chan handed his phone over to you. 

“Yah! What about the rest of us?” Jisung protested. The leader rolled his eyes.

“I’ll give it to everyone once I get back to our dorms. Changbin, make sure you save what we did today. Obviously we’re gonna have to resume tomorrow in the main studio.” Chan gently moved you toward the door by your elbow. The younger producer nodded and disappeared into the back room. 

“Thank you, again. I guess I’ll be texting you guys later,” you waved a small goodbye. The rest of the boys waved and chimed in their own farewells. You turned and headed to the bus stop with Chan right behind you. The topic of conversation for the rest of the group quickly fell to you. Your life was about to get way more interesting.

[i-got-the-feels]

Meet the Seoul Busters

- Seoul Busters, 2024

[hoyas-big-head]

Seoul Busters Ep. 2

Minseo, don't fall for a man just based on how he looks. The ones with pretty faces are even more dangerous.

[prbni]

Chemistry between actors was amazing, but the storyline tho... in KDrama

Kang Sora as Oh Hara and Jung Seungjo as Goo Eun Beom in Strangers Again: the story ruined everything

Lee Jaewook as Baek Kyung and Kim Hye Yoon as Eun Dan Oh in Extraordinary You:only if Baek Kyung wasn't written as a red flag by the manhwa writer

Jeon Doyeon as Gil Bok Soon and Koo Kyo hwan as Han Hee Seong in Kill Bok Soon: the storyline was good for a crime thriller but unfortunate for them

Moon Sangmin as Lee Jihan and Jeon Jong Seo as Na Ah Jung in Wedding Impossible :they get happy ending but the storyline was messy imo

Lee Jaewook as Han Tae Oh and Choi Hee Jin as Kang Hee Joo in The Impossible Heir : yall know why. Everything in this drama was messed up except the chemistry between these two actors

Ki Do Hoon as Yangcha and Kim Ji Won as Tanya in Arthdal Chronicles: basically Kim Ji Won has chemistry with everyone she acts alongside

Lee Jae In as Lee Yoon Seo and Cha Woo Min as Ko Kyung Jun in Night Has Come: honestly I didn't even consider them before I saw all those edits on YT

Go Youn Jung as Jung Jisoo and Seo In Guk as Kim Seong Hyeop in Death's Game: even the smallest moments between them was enough to establish how beautiful chemistry they had

Lee Dohyun as Go Chang Myung and IU as Jang Man Wol in Hotel Del Luna: one of the best pairings in a KDrama to exist

[stuff-diary]

The Frog

TV Shows/Dramas watched in 2024

The Frog (2024, South Korea)

Director: Mo Wan Il

Writer: Son Ho Young

Mini-review:

Wow, I didn't think I would enjoy The Frog so much. I guess I was in the mood for a dark, propulsive thriller. I've seen some people say it's 'slow', but like... where? This kept me glued to the screen from the very first episode, and it got more and more intense throughout the next ones. It even ventures into psychological horror territory from time to time, which made it even more fun to me. The writing isn't perfect (some of the characters aren't as well developed as they should), but the directing and the acting more than make up for it. Go Min Si turns in a particularly strong performance, and it's clear she gave it her all. I'm not gonna say this is the best thriller k-drama I've seen, but it was definitely enjoyable as hell.

[felixisourayofsunshine]

Y'all SKZ won their first music core win

I repeat their first MUSIC CORE win

MC Lee Know finally got to hold the trophy 🏆

[filmspacestills]

What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim, 2018

Park Joon-hwa

Park Seojoon, Park Minyoung, Lee Taehwan…

[gillianthecat]

EVERYONE PLEASE PLEASE WATCH PALE MOON ITS AMAZING AND CONTAINS SO MUCH DEPTH AND I NEED PEOPLE TO SCREAM ABOUT IT WITH BUT NO ONE ON TUMBLR IS TALKING ABOUT IT

Please please please please please. I don't want to have to resort to MDL comments or the discussion on Viki to have these conversations.

It's currently on Viki with subtitles in a dozen languages, and the first two episodes are available without a subscription. There are 10 one hour long episodes total.

My spoiler free pitch from my initial impression, and which held to the end:

It's not a BL, doesn't slot neatly into any one genre, and doesn't feel quite like any other kdrama I've seen. But if you enjoy fascinating middle-aged women, and an often melancholy, elliptical, sometimes film-like approach, I highly recommend it to you. Our protagonist is complex and subtle, and played by an actress with an incredible presence, but everyone else around her is also fascinating and real in their own right, and I'm so curious to see the directions all these relationships develop.

Ask me any questions you have about it! I just didn't want to give too much away here because I really enjoyed discovering it as I went along.

[whimsimille]

Choose!

*Woo Do-Hwan

[somanykdramas]

SEOUL BUSTERS

GENRES: Comedy, Action

SUMMARY: What Violent Crimes Team 2 lacks in police professionalism, they make up for in creativity, camaraderie, and determination.

THIS SHOW HAS EVERYTHING: Annoying kindergarteners, chance taxi encounters, terrible beauticians, theater club know-how, gourmet senses of smell, boxing prowess, marksmanship, dinosaurs, traumatic relationships, and embracing the weird.

HOT TAKE: I was NOT in the mood for a show this silly when it first started. I came to realize, however, that shows like this that don't take themselves seriously AT ALL will eventually win my heart.

The Team wraps up a different case every few episodes, but there's a little string (necessary or not) that ties them all together to keep all 20 episodes worth sticking around for. Each member might not be the best at their job overall, but they are perfect for the roles they are assigned.

Dozens of great cameos--I dare you to spot them all! Special cameo appearance by mah girl, SK's National Halmeoni, Kim Young Ok!

Watch this when you need a laugh and need something to pivot to when everything else gets just too damn rough out there.

[skzandkpop]

🧻🧻🧻 SKZ challenge 🧻🧻🧻

Day 19: A photo that never fails to make u 😭💀

[dramavenue]

[chimivx]

TASTE. -> 'Haven' from the POV of Hyunjin. (Part One of Six)

summary: "Bad things happen in love. That's why I've spent my entire life rejecting it. Everyone I've ever fallen for has failed me, and it's happening all over again, and I get to watch."

word count: 11k

warnings: 18+, infidelity themes all throughout, toxic friendships/relationships, mentions of sex, alcohol abuse, struggles with mental health themes, cursing, if I missed anything PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

a/n: So, this is happening. This is altering my entire Haven universe. Originally, this is the time period I had Haven set in when I first created it... I see a rewrite happening in the future. Enjoy this, and please leave me a message of your thoughts! YES, I had to name the female MC. If she has your name, congrats!

Fixating my eyes on the bland, white ceiling above me, I lay awake for the third night in a row, unable to shake the thoughts that infected my mind like a parasite. Incessant mocking strings of words that my subconscious seems to have created itself for the pure purpose of self torture. Life’s always been that way though, my subconscious versus my conscious mind, both whispering things to me in a way that made it difficult to decipher what was actually real.

During the night after I’ve buried myself beneath my sheets was when they loved to linger. When things got quiet, the thoughts crept out, spilling me secrets, but if it was a night like tonight, they screamed. For weeks now, they’ve been screaming.

Mere hours ago, before the lights were shut off, I had my arms wrapped around the girl who now slept soundly beside me. Straddling my waist with her hands tangled in my hair, we took one another with a hunger, sweating while she sang out a beautiful song inspired by her own lust fueled desire. Each and every time we slept together it was disgustingly greedy, yet relieving, and all the more mind-numbing.

Jade, fast asleep, her eyelashes tickling her cheeks, always appeared as beautiful as her name introduced her. Much like the stone she shares a title with, her personal qualities weren’t as far off. Since I’ve met her she’s been level headed, mature, and honest. Never once have I had to question her sincerity whenever I’m seven inches within her, nor have I wondered whether or not she’d stray away from me.

Until about two months ago.

It was probably my own damn fault somehow, I just can’t seem to piece together where it began, or what the underlying cause was. Within these nights laying awake I start to assume it’s the subconscious cooking it up, but if I attempt to delve deeper into the situation it seems to appear before me clear as day.

She was falling in love with Minho.

The nine of us friends had been hanging out for almost half a year before Jade and I started to hook up. Our group was formed beneath the roof of Haven, all of us were regulars, and Minho was a bartender there, so naturally we grew attached to each other.

Jeongin and Seungmin knew one another previously, childhood best friends or something, if I can remember, as did Minho and Han. Changbin was a close friend of mine through school, we attended university together a few years back, the two of us in the same fraternity. He had a good friend at work, Felix, who he ended up bringing around, and the blonde seemed to find a place with us. That boy was an Aussie, like Chan who was introduced to us through Jade. Those two were college friends as well.

Naturally we fell into little subunits as all friend groups do, though we clung to the ones we started out with. Jade, I’ve noticed, couldn’t let go of Chan, and for good reason. He was a good dude, he worked in a gym, and I didn’t absolutely hate his guts. At least I knew that if she was with him she was going to be safe- which is a thought that always shook me to the depths of my core, and it wasn’t because I was worried about her well-being.

Well, maybe it was because I was worried about her well-being, but that was what terrified me. I had gotten to the point with her that made me want to throw it all away, it was entirely nauseating, every waking second of it.

Taking a glimpse of her now in the dark where she lay with her lips slightly parted, her gorgeous hair pushed backward and her hands beneath the cheek that lays on one of my pillows, there’s a pit that forms in my stomach, one that sends an electric spark up into my heart, spreading throughout my nervous system. If she was dreaming her lips would twitch. I’d gazed at her enough as she’s slept this past year to be able to figure out what was happening in that spectacular mind of hers without her needing to use words to express it.

It’s how I knew she was falling in love with Minho.

Lurching forward with a gentleness to not disturb her, I press the palms of my hands to my eyes and rub vigorously, trying to clear my head of the things I didn’t want to hear. Taking a slow, deep breath with caution, I sense the familiar tightness around my heart and sigh. 

As soon as I think about it, it happens. Another breath rips through my chest without warning, and then another. They were coming in quick, their speed relentless, my heart accompanying their pace. I glance down at Jade who hasn’t seemed to stir. She was asleep, I didn’t want to bother her, I wasn’t sure I wanted her help at all. I knew what I needed to do.

Tossing the covers off of me my feet hit the floor, a cool sensation shooting up my legs helping to ease the panic in the slightest way. Hurrying for the door I snatch the doorknob and throw it open, my head beginning to go dizzy. 

I rush into the kitchen with a clobber, slamming my hands onto one of the counters feeling absolutely no pain. Blind with anxiety, I begin to rifle through cabinets, slamming their doors along with a couple of drawers. 

Where is it, are the only words I can conjure up.

A couple minutes later, or it could’ve been thirty seconds for all I can actively be aware of- I find it. A little more than half a bottle of Don Juilio that Changbin gifted me for my last birthday. It was pushed in the back, hidden behind Jades margarita mixes and fruity shit she’s tried to put me on. Jutting my arm in, knocking over stacked plastic cups and packages full of bendy straws, I maneuver the round glass bottle out of the cabinet without knocking over anything expensive.

Plopping to the floor, I pop the tequila open and take a gulp. It’s cool against my tongue, but it should burn a little as it goes down. It doesn’t. Taking another swig I can’t even feel my chest warm like it should while I drink this. I can’t feel a thing.

Typically this gets paired with some sort of soda, adding a dash of the tequila into the glass before the fizzy mixer is poured inside. Changbin was better at making the drinks, he has been since college. At every party he was the one in charge of the alcohol, making sure we never got a keg. With Changbin it had to be dressed up, a little more spicy than average- which was how he preferred his women.

To me, it didn’t matter. In college I drank to get drunk, and apparently my friends would agree that that still reigns true. I didn’t care if the alcohol was aged perfectly, if it was pricey or if it was cheap, nor did it matter the packaging it came in. If it cleared my head, made me forget what I wanted to forget, and got me off, I was set. Which, ultimately, was how I preferred my women. Or my men. Or my… people.

I knock back another gulp of Don Juilio.

I’d never include Jade in that analogy, though. She was different. She was infectious. She made me break my rules. 

We were together, but we weren’t together. We shared a bed, she lived within the walls of my apartment, but we weren’t together. She had her own dresser in my bedroom, her toothbrush resided in my bathroom, but we weren’t together. In the morning’s she’d cook me breakfast and bring it to me with a kiss on the cheek, but we weren’t together.

My heart fluttered whenever I would think about her. She found ways to turn my cheeks pink on days when I never thought I’d smile again. She was magnificent. 

Jade was the only girl in my life who didn’t throw herself at me the moment we had met. Most women I interact with try to pick me up or ask if I’m single, then try to get me into bed- you don’t see me complaining- but, Jade. The very first thing I ever said to her was sarcastic, something smart rolling off my tongue when our eyes first caught a glimpse of one another, and she laughed.

It wasn’t a cute laugh. It wasn’t a ‘oh my god, cute boy, you’re so funny, let me giggle like a girl to get you to like me’ laugh. Her laugh was loud, and it was quick, and it turned heads. Essentially she was really scoffing at me, unable to believe I had strolled up to her and Chan at the bar and been so confidently cocky.

She got me right back with a joke that crippled Changbin and Chan, she tossed something together fast about how I compared to one of the neon lights on the wall. It was a flamingo holding a bottle of tequila if I’m not mistaken. Even then she knew me, she could see me. 

Months after that was the first time we had kissed, inside Haven, those wooden planked walls becoming a safe place for us. Then soon after we seeked sanctuary in a bathroom stall, drunkenly stupid enough to fuck without caring who came inside to use the other one beside it.

I had played a careful game, intrigued with how she seemed to play it right back. That’s what drew me to her. She was equally as meticulous as I was, though she appeared like the type to want stability, and after getting to know her some more, that’s what she craved.

Dealing with me she knew she wasn’t going to get a relationship, at least not the kind where we’d call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. That was something I didn’t do, something that made my skin crawl. 

Titles were a subject for disaster, it always ended in a mess, at least from what I know. I’ve had my own share of enough broken hearts in the past to be repulsed by the idea of a title. Of exclusivity. Belonging to someone, and someone belonging to you, only to have them rip your heart out and tear it to shreds after they confess that they see a forever with you, leading you on, isolating you from your friends and family.

People leave. People don’t care.

With Jade I figured I was saving myself, protecting us both from the horrors of heartbreak. But, somewhere within the year I broke my rules.

I was insufferably in love with her.

And she was falling in love with Minho.

Another swig from the bottle I grasped. And then another.

She was falling in love with Minho. I could see it in her eyes whenever they spoke.

He was capable of giving her everything she wanted.

Another swig, that became more of a gulp.

She was falling in love with Minho, and I was doing everything in my power to push her away. I was wrecking her trust, breaking her down, making her cry, and she wouldn’t leave. I was telling her things to her face, things I had done, things that would cause any person in their right mind to leave me, and she wouldn’t go.

Another gulp.

Our friends said things to me, things I couldn’t begin to put together right now, but I knew they weren’t nice. They watched me hurt her again and again, they’ve tried to tell her to leave me, I know that they have. I know Minho has gotten her ear before, this one shocked me the most, because if she was going to listen to anyone I figured it’d be Minho.

My heart yearned, it ached for her.

The worst part about it was that she loved me too, at least I think she does, seeing as though she’s still here after I’ve cheated on her three different times. I’ve slept with three different girls, and she hasn’t left. Jennie, who I met in Haven, a senior in college out here visiting family for the summer. Lia, who I met at the liquor store, she lived a few neighborhoods over. Nayeon, who I met- No. I never had sex with Nayeon. I kissed her though, and she touched my dick. 

Another gulp. The glass clangs against the ground as the bottom of the bottle hits it, my arm getting heavy.

Jade knew everything. She found out about Nayeon last week, and she’s still here.

God, I love her, so fucking much, but I’m pretty sure she’s falling in love with Minho.

Another… another gulp, I attempt. My arms fall limp first, then my back meets the tiled floor, and I don’t know if it’s because of the Don Juilio that’s nearly empty or the panic attack.

“What the fuck, Hyunjin.”

Her spine chilling tone wakes me up. Opening my eyes to the sun leaking through the windows, I turn my chin to look at her and take a deep breath, one that inflates my lungs completely. Jade, standing behind me at the door she just slammed shut, is draped in golden rays of light. It definitely wasn’t morning.

A dull ache rips through my head, my eyes feeling like they could roll back and sink into my skull. They’d roll down to my stomach that churned as I moved my eyes around the room. I was still in the middle of the kitchen splayed out on the floor.

Jade was dressed for work, all black head to toe, with her hair pulled back to keep it out of her face. A little nametag was perched on her chest by her left shoulder where her name was spelled out in cute block letters that she wrote herself. In her hand she carried a brown paper bag that gave off the scent that something delicious was inside, something I’d devour if I wasn’t fighting away nausea.

“I brought you dinner,” she said, her tone flat. Looking away from me she takes herself over to the table and tosses the bag onto the wood, not caring whether or not its contents got jostled. A sigh contorted with a groan escapes her as she walks down the hall toward the bedroom, pulling her shirt over her head.

“Dinner,” I mumbled, rubbing one of my eyes. Attempting to sit up, I roll onto my side and tuck my knees into my chest, propping myself up on them along with my hands. The headache roars through my brain, the room turning blurry for a few seconds. 

Sitting back on my heels my hands swing to my side, my left pinky finger tapping what felt like glass. Turning my chin down slowly, I hook my pinky into the lip of the bottle and pull it onto my lap, sighing at what I’d found. An empty bottle of Don Juilio Tequila sat in the dip of my thighs.

“Jade?” I called out, looking toward the bedroom where she had disappeared. I don’t remember how I ended up here.

In a pair of jeans that hugged her hips just right, and a white tank top- that I think was mine- tucked into the front of the waist, Jade turned out of the doorway, shooting me a glare. Her hands were occupied with a brush, pushing her hair backward with the bristles before shaking it all forward. When she tossed it back it was like she moved in slow motion.

God, she was beautiful.

“What?” her tone didn’t match her appearance. She was pissed.

Gesturing toward the floor, moving like I’d aged seventy years, I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. “When did I…?”

“Beats me,” she grills, perking a brow. “You were there when I left for work, I figured you’d be up by the time I got back, like last time.”

“You didn’t hear me get up?” I asked, genuinely looking for help. Jade simply shakes her head. “I don’t remember getting up.”

“You sure made a mess,” she scoffs, then disappears again. 

Turning over my shoulder, slowly, I’m greeted by half open drawers and cabinets. The one beside me, the liquor cabinet, had its contents spilling out the front onto the tile. Plastic red cups were scattered about, and bottles inside the shelf were knocked over.

“What the fuck,” I whisper to myself.

“You can clean it up,” Jade said, coming back out into the kitchen now with a pair of boots on her feet peeking out from under her flared jeans. She’d put lipstick on, a mauve color, and some mascara. Always so simple, yet convicting, and she didn’t even know it.

“Where are you going?” I asked, watching her dance about the kitchen, unpacking the bag she had brought in, crumbling it up to push it into the garbage that lived beneath our sink. Her jeans stretched as she bent over and my heart wanted to burst.

“Haven,” she said, turning around to look down at me. Her eyes travel to the glass on my lap. “Han, Chan and Minho are going.”

Minho.

Suddenly her shade of lipstick made me want to smash the bottle I held into a trillion little pieces. I remembered how I’d gotten here on the floor.

“Oh,” I mumbled, bobbing my head, gazing up at her through the dark pieces of hair that fell onto my forehead. Jade’s eyes study mine, hers laced with uncertainty and a shit ton of empathy.

“You can come with me, yanno,” she said, her sharp tone easing down to one nicer. Licking my lips, tasting a tinge of the tequila, I nod. She offers me a small smile and a hand.

She aids me to my feet and gives my cheek a quick kiss before she whispers, “You need help.” And she’s sufficiently, accurately, shot me in the heart. Though it was spoken with quaint intention, it didn’t soften the blow, not when I’ve heard those three words before. The first time was degrading, and humiliating, and it didn’t come from Jade. 

Taking the bottle from my hands she places it on the countertop much more carefully than it appeared I had been moving last night. She backs away from me with two steps and gestures behind her. 

“Get yourself ready,” she said. “They want to meet at six.”

Right. Minho.

“If you want,” she adds before I can walk away from her, “I can call Changbin, maybe ask if he wants to join us?” Rubbing the back of my neck I take a breath. How, in her right mind, is she being nice to me?

“He works,” I said, dropping my hand at my side, “But… sure.”

Checking out my appearance one last time, Jade smiles, bigger this time. I can’t even begin to imagine how I look after hours passed out on the floor in a drunken daze. My headache pounded like a kickdrum in my ears and it felt like I was wearing twenty pound weights on each of my limbs. 

“Okay,” she sighed. “I’ll give him a call, go take a shower.”

Taking myself down the hall, leaving her in the kitchen, I step into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Pressing my back against the white wooden panel, I groan and close my eyes for a couple of seconds. The thought of having to put up with Minho for another night made me more nauseous than the tequila, and the fact that Jade was all done up for the evening threatened to make me panic.

Panic and Minho. That was definitely how I ended up in the kitchen on the floor. It always stemmed from there, the overthinking, the imposter syndrome, the false thoughts that weasled into my mind without consent. Imposter Syndrome was laughable, and it is. I wasn’t under the impression Jade was falling in love with Minho. I knew she was falling in love with Minho.

Oh my god, Hyunjin, turn on the shower.

Tearing back the curtain I spin the knob on the wall to scorching hot, letting the small room fill with steam. If I could sweat out this hangover in a few minutes I’d be good to go for the night, I’d be back on my game, ready to handle Minho and her other friends. 

Jade said she’d call Changbin, and I prayed that she would. Chan and Han were great, but they were the closest to Minho. Add Jade into the mix pestering her best friend Chan all night, perpetually flirting with Minho without even realizing, and that leaves me alienated, all to myself. Bad things happen when I’m left to myself. Jade would obtain another reason to leave me, and I guarantee, no matter what, she still wouldn’t.

I wasn’t going to be the one to break it off. It wouldn’t be me saying the words, I needed Jade to say it. She had to be the one to leave me, I loved her too much to let her go.

The heat swirling around the air did anything but make me sweat out my condition, instead it made me even more dizzy and nauseous, prompting me to collapse in front of the toilet, getting sick, twice. 

Now that made me feel a little better. 

Rubbing a few fingers over my lips I slipped two between my teeth, maybe I could make myself do it again…

“Jinnie?” Jade knocks on the door a couple of times. Slapping both hands to the ceramic, I look at the frame and gulp.

“Yeah?” I question after clearing my throat.

“Changbin said he’ll come by after he gets off work,” she said, “Felix is going to come with him, too.” The skinny little blonde Australian boy. Changbin liked him, and those two got along really well. Felix was funny, the moments I’ve spent with him I’ve enjoyed, so I guess his presence tonight would do me some good.

“Okay,” I mumble, willing her with my mind to walk away. “Thanks.”

“We’ll have fun tonight,” she said, hovering by the door it seemed. “I promise.”

You’ll have fun tonight, I huffed. If her attention was going to be on Minho and her friends for the evening I suppose I could take it upon myself to get to know the boy who acted as Changbin’s shadow whenever they were around. Kind of quiet, Felix seemed shallow, like he wasn’t always all the way there, but I probably didn’t know him well enough.

I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt and not let his bleach blonde hair and ditzy smile he always wore get in the way of getting through to him personally. A friend of Changbins could easily be a friend of mine. Being so hooked on Jade I’ve barely had time to even learn where Felix lived. Maybe he’d be the best distraction for the evening.

And so, the subunits within the group will shift. If my predictions were right, if Jade was… falling in love with Minho, then there was no doubt she’d get pulled away by Han and Chan. It already seemed as if those three had a plan set in place to pluck her out of here, so I needed a second option. I needed people on my side, people to stand with me if the nine of us were to separate, or if Jade were to leave me.

Changbin and Felix seemed like an excellent option.

Jade always said that Haven was musty. The old bar was just that, musty. It smelled of heavy old pine and Budweiser, the dark wooden planked walls keeping every scent trapped within the close quarters. There wasn’t a single window on any wall except small rectangular ones in the bathrooms. The screens to the outside were old, a little ripped and covered in cobwebs.

The bar had to have been open for, like, twenty years, since at least the middle of the sixties. The walls and stained concrete floor gave away its age. Arnold, the man who owned the place- Minho’s boss- appeared to be from the sixties as well. Some days I’d be willing to half listen to the history lesson he gave our group whenever he approached us to greet Minho, the old man gloating about his bar, how it’s been family owned for years and that he cannot believe ‘young people’ like us still loved to come here.

Jade loved to listen, she found it fascinating it seemed. Most times I could care less, I just wanted a drink, and I’d love nothing more than to tell Arnold what he could do better with his building, starting with the windows in the bathroom.

It wasn’t my favorite place, but it gave me Jade, and I’m still trying to piece together whether that was a good thing or not. 

I could place the blame on the neon multicolored lights or the cheap drinks that were poured heavily for bringing this selfless, incredible girl into my life. These four walls were the reason I was suffering. Something stirred in the air here, something that induced us all into a love drunk haze. Like some type of hallucination you don’t realize the outcome until you’re living with it four months later, saying ‘I love you’ every night.

Already on the dance floor, Jade was moving effortlessly beside Chan. The dark curly haired boy wore a cut off tank, a t-shirt he cut the sleeves off of, and jeans shorts rolled at the knee. A brown belt was strapped around his waist and a skinny gold chain hung snuggly at the base of his neck.

We’ve been here only ten minutes and the two were already a drink deep, lost in the music that blasted from the speakers on the walls.

Sitting at a table in the back corner that our group always occupied, I was slouched in one of the creaky wooden high top chairs with my hand wrapped around a glass full of liquor I was unable to get down. I wanted to chug it before Han and Minho showed their faces. 

At least before Han showed his face. The boy was a nuisance. He was loud and nosey, he had to know everything about everybody. I limited the amount of conversations I shared with the chestnut brown, fluffy haired boy. He would never get his sticky little fingers on any of my dirt, but with how he’s gotten close to Jade I can only assume he’s already heard it all. I’ve been on the receiving end of one too many questionable glances recently.

“Jinnie!”

Glancing up from the glass my eyes were attempting to shatter a hole into, I found Jade swaying her hips side to side waving a hand toward me. She wore a smile, a big one. Beside Chan was when she was the happiest, especially if she was also within these decrepit walls.

“What?” I call out to her, my voice nearly drowned out by the bass. Jade takes a breath to answer, but instead hurries over to my side. Chan’s eyes follow her, the content of his expression subtly shifted into unease- at least I think it did.

Jade grabs onto my bare arm and gives me a shake, one that tumbles my stomach. “Come dance, please?” Her voice is sappy-sweet. The drink in front of me appears all the more appetizing. 

“Why?” I asked, looking up into her pleading eyes. “You have Chan, go dance with him.”

Her lips form a pout. “I wanna dance with you.”

“I don’t want to dance,” I said. “I still don’t feel good.” Half of a truth.

Jade’s pout dissolves into a frown, her eyebrows taking a nosedive as well. “You never want to anymore,” she said quietly, dropping her grip on me. “What can I do to make you want to dance?”

“I… I dunno,” I shrugged, folding my arms across my chest. A playful smirk tugs at her lips. “You can let me-”

Nudging me with a hip she pulls at the bottom of her tank, untucking it from her jeans, wiggling it up a bit to flash a bit of her midriff. “No, I can get you out there,” she giggles, “I know I can.”

“Stop,” I said. She only slips her tank up a bit further, drifting higher and higher until I reached out and pulled her arms down to her sides. “Stop!” 

Rubbing her palms against the denim she wore she bobs her head and licks her lips. The playful energy was wiped away the second I touched her. Taking a step away from me she mumbles, “Bet when Changbin’s here you’ll dance.”

Her black boots take her away to her best friend who, if he wasn’t before, was definitely glaring at me now.

“Fantastic,” I said to myself, focusing back down on the glass that was leaving a ring of moisture on the faded table in front of me. Add it to the list of reasons her friends hated me, or the list of reasons she should leave me, but won’t.

What I said wasn’t a lie, I truthfully wasn’t feeling well, and she knew that. She woke me up only a couple hours ago. I was hungover, and tired, and nauseous, and anxious. Jade didn’t know the anxious part, I kept that to myself, but she knew everything else. I didn’t think it was a crime to not want to dance when I barely had enough energy to hold my head up. 

Part of me hates to admit that she was right. I planned to get up somehow when Changbin got here, but only because he was my safety net. Dancing next to Chan, who’s most likely out for blood, without backup wasn’t on my to-do list tonight.

Wrapping my hand around the glass I take a swig, fighting it down with a nauseating cringe. The dark liquor burned the back of my throat, warming my chest. “Christ,” I mumbled. My eyes flicker up to some commotion happening on the dance floor, and to no surprise, Han is there already running his mouth. The boy's hands move a mile a minute, attempting to keep up with his words.

His hair was styled differently, typically it hung over his eyes naturally parted in the center, but tonight the fluff was straightened, completely covering his forehead. In each ear he wore two diamond studs, one smaller and one larger, in size order with a silver chain around his neck to match. Looking at his hands that were latched to Jade’s shoulders I’m surprised to find him ringless. Normally he’d adorn his fingers with flashy rings, more jewelry to show off what a phenomenal job he had.

If he’s not talking about other people, he’s talking about that damn job. His dream job, his fantasy, his ‘so lucky to get straight out of college’ job- working right below the head of the company, the assistant for the CEO or the boss, whichever one Han says. I can’t even remember what the company even does. Jade’s brought it up, something to do with… stocks? Banks?

Either way, he’s the CEO’s son. He was getting that job whether he really wanted it or not, and now he gets to brag about his most amazing life.

I knocked back another swig of my drink with the intention of Han becoming a blur, he moved quick enough anyways, and then another when I noticed the three of them were looking my way. Jade’s smile had started to fade, Chan was biting his bottom lip, and Han wore a grin.

Here we go.

Almost taking out three different people after he detached himself from Jade, Han swaggered over to the table as if he’d already been drinking. When he sat down and leaned toward me, he reeked of vodka and his heavy ass Calvin Klein cologne. In case his get up wasn’t enough he had to make sure people knew he had money by his scent. I’m pretty sure people in the next town over could smell him.

“What in the hell are you doing over here by yourself?” he asked, resting an elbow on the back of the chair he had to jump into. He was four inches shorter than me.

Raising a brow I answered quietly, “Didn’t she already tell you?”

“Who?!” Han’s expression twists into goofy confusion, his eyes going wide. “Jade? No, she didn’t tell me anything. I asked where you were.”

“Oh,” I said, eyeing his flattened hair. Between the gleam of the shiny strands and his gaudy jewelry, his style and personality were entirely out of balance.

“Why so moody, bad boy?” he teased, nudging my arm with an elbow. Pulling away I curled my lip and glared behind him. Jade and Chan couldn’t care less, Nelly Furtado was blaring through the speakers and they were singing every word.

“Not moody,” I sighed. “Hungover.”

Han glanced at the drink in front of me and smirked. “Then you may want to drink that a little faster.”

Gritting my teeth, I said, “Believe me, I’m trying.” 

The two of us are startled by a shriek from the dance floor, and then a shout. Han whipped himself around and before I could brace myself he’s shouting as well. 

A muscular figure with broad shoulders and silver hair dressed all in black was swinging an arm around Jade, hugging her half around the shoulders. It appeared entirely innocent, the way he kept his head tilted away from her, and how he only allowed himself to use one arm.

Jade used two, throwing both around his chest, keeping her body on the side of his. Given another circumstance she’d have buried herself in him completely, but maybe she just wasn’t drunk enough yet.

She fit right beneath his arm perfectly, like the little crook was made for her. They were both just the right height, neither one was too tall nor small. Jade was shorter than me, way shorter than me. She was shorter than Han, and that kid was short. 

“Minho!” he shouted, gripping the back of his chair like a child, dragging out the last letter in the dreaded name that kicked me in the stomach. Tipping my head backward I’m able to down the rest of my drink easily, getting used to the burn, finding a comfort within it as my insides are ignited with nerves.

Silver hair is flipped toward us at the table. His eyes were dark, they always were, but even more so as he took me in. The rare lit up smile on his face falters as our eyes meet, almost as if he knew I was onto him. As much as Jade had been pining after him, Minho had been after her just the same.

The boy dressed in black, just as I was, carried himself with a confident swagger. Minho never cared too much about anything, but all at the same time, cared entirely too much. He was an expert at hiding how he was feeling, it made him a tedious person to be around. Without a quirk of a brow or a frown to go off of, I could never tell what was going through his mind. Unless he was around Jade. The cold exterior seemed to melt a bit if she were around.

“What’s going on?” I hear Minho ask, which can only mean he’s coming closer. Han was beside me, of course he would come closer. The two were attached at the hip.

Standing in front of Han, Minho takes a hand to his best friend's cheek and gives it a squeeze without making a face. I feel his eyes pan over to me, the two soulless pits of dismay attempting to eat me alive so he could swoop in and take away my Jade. 

My heart starts to beat heavily, pounding against my ribcage. Curling my fingers on the empty glass I clung to, I debate getting up to refill my glass, but that would give Minho an invitation to talk about me. The two were babbling about Han’s work day anyway, would they even care if I left?

Slipping out of my chair I try to catch my balance, almost falling into the table. Both Han and Minho exclaim some sounds of shock, then laughter once they realize I’m steady on my feet. Faking a smile I tip my empty glass and pop my eyebrows.

“And this was only one,” I said, rounding the table, attempting to escape Han’s dreadful cologne and Minho’s resentful glare.

“And counting last night, or, this morning. Stop the tequila!” Han laughed, waving a finger in my direction. Rolling my shoulders back I eyed him curiously. Minho takes in my figure and I want nothing more than to crawl away to the bar, where I can drown my sorrows in liquor and be alone. He had a way of making people feel so small.

Mulling over what Han has said, I chuckled and nodded, wiggling the glass around. “So she did tell you already,” I said, shooting him a glance with as much intensity as Minho was grilling me with. Han’s lips pull into an adorable smirk as he lowers his chin and flashes me his puppy dog eyes.

“I didn’t want you to know she told me,” he said, his tone sweet. “If you wanted me to know you would’ve said something.”

“Told you what?” Minho asked him, looking between the two of us. Rolling my eyes I heard Minho laugh as I turned over my shoulder to finally walk away. He would get the info out of Han in a heartbeat, in fact, he didn’t really need to ask him, Han would let it slip out eventually. He’s got an uncontrollable desire to gossip, his well being depended on it.

Keeping my eyes pointed forward I make it to the bar without any distractions and plant my glass down on the wood that matched the tables and sit down on one of the stools with a cushion flatter than my will to stay here for the night. The bartender with blonde hair hanging at her shoulders in what I assume is her natural curl pattern approaches me and takes my glass, giving me a smile.

“What’ll it be next?” she asked, resting an elbow on the edge. Her blue eyes hint that I should make my way back here later after her shift is over. She couldn’t have been older than me, if anything she was a bit younger. I’ve seen her here behind the bar a couple of nights prior to tonight, meaning she must not know who any of us were yet. The other bartenders knew how to fill up my glass and leave me be, like Minho.

“Uh, may as well give me the bottle,” I said, and it made her laugh. Attempting to smile, the sound she makes resembles one that every other female I’ve come into contact with has made.

“I’m afraid that’s against the rules,” she said, leaning toward me, now resting both her elbows on the bar. Mimicking her, I cross my arms over my chest and set them on the ledge. She took my gesture as some sort of incentive because the smile that took over her glossy lips gave me the impression that she thought I was flirting with her. “You come around here a lot?”

“Unfortunately,” I mumbled, peering down at the glass she took from me. “You’re new. My friends are here all the time, you’ll get to know us eventually.”

“You with Minho?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. Nodding in response I watch as she laughs to herself and taps the glass on the wood. “I gotchu.”

“What’s your name?”

“Dina,” she said. “Are you Jeongin or Changbin?” It was my turn to huff out a laugh.

“Close,” I smirked. “Hyunjin.”

Dina’s blue eyes are sparked full of intrigue. “Ah,” she sings aloud, “Interesting. In that case,” she holds up the glass, “I really do gotchu. Gimme a minute.”

After grabbing the glasses of the people beside me, Dina whisked her way down the bar to whip up whatever she had planned, or whatever she had heard about me from Minho, and that I can only imagine is a trip. Her flirty eyes switched to ones that irked my soul. She attempted to look through me, she wanted to know me, but only my dirt. No one ever wanted to know more.

Knitting my hands together, I draw my thumb over a small callus on my palm, hook my feet on the rungs of the stool beneath me and sigh. The appearance of my hands reflected how I felt. Torn up, battered, and bruised. As repulsive as they were to me, Jade could never, ever get enough. She couldn’t even describe why they did what they did to her, they just drove her nuts, and she didn’t even care if my work beat them up, she said it made them sexier.

In all of my time spent with her, an entire year, she almost always zoned in to my appearance- complimenting how I looked, messing with my hair, kissing my knuckles, admiring my nose. In those moments that’s when she turns into the other girls, briefly, when she’s got her fingers laced in my hair and she’s biting my lip- because at the end of the day that’s all they want from me.

A full glass is placed in front of me pulling me out of my thoughts that were seconds away from spiraling. Dina is back with a small smile, popping a straw into the tall cup. With a wink she leans over the bar and whispers, “You’ve got a blonde checking you out over there.” Her blue eyes flicker behind me momentarily before she smiles warmly and hurries away to take care of her other guests.

I’ve got a blonde checking me out over there. She definitely didn’t know us, or didn’t know I was kind of involved with Jade. Unless Minho’s recruited her as well, making her play wingman to push me further away from the group, further away from Jade.

Picking up my glass, I place the straw between my lips and spin around on the stool to find this blonde, to see if she was even worth any of my time. I hadn’t decided if tonight was a night to create another problem or not, my main focus right now was to get drunk enough to not be able to remember what Jade and Minho get up to.

Dina was funny. Amongst the sea of people there wasn’t a single blonde aside from herself, which I had to admit, was an excellent play. I spotted Jade between Minho and Chan with her head tossed backward and her eyes closed, feeling the music as they all moved to the beat. Looking for Han, I wasn’t able to place him which was equally relieving and terrifying.

Scanning the rest of the crowd by the door, and then by the DJ, it was pretty packed for a weeknight. Then again, Haven was always bursting at the walls. With the heavy pours and the cheap prices one wouldn’t expect different.

Taking another long sip of the deliciousness Dina has curated, I start to spin back around on the stool, but then I find the blonde.

Wedged against the furthest wall Han sat on the lap of a curvy woman with long black hair with his arms wrapped around her neck. He had his cheek pressed to hers, and his lips were moving a mile a minute as he spoke to a boy in ripped jeans and t-shirt- Changbin. As happy as I was to see him, my eyes were glued to the tall, gangly blonde hovering behind him with his back pressed to the wooden planked wall.

It was Felix. It was Felix.

He was quick to catch me looking, his eyes darted away faster than anything, focusing on the people in front of him.

Hands shoved in the pockets of his baggy jeans that hung on his tiny frame, the loose shirt he wore, covered in tiny green and blue stripes, was cut low enough to give me a glimpse of his collar bone and the tanned skin that lived under it. I’ve seen him wear this shirt before, except it was around Christmas time in December and he paired it with a white long sleeved shirt beneath it for warmth.

There was a watch on his left hand strapped to his thin wrist, and when he adjusted his arms to cross them over his chest I found that he was wearing a couple rings on his middle fingers as well.

His skin was smooth, tan and glistening, and freckles littered his cheeks all the way across his nose. Felix looked like summer, it was as if the sun shone just for him. 

The blonde hair that was cut short in the front but grew longer in the back made it hard for one to figure out if it was his real color or not, he could pull it off so naturally. Tonight it was a little curly, twisting against the nape of his neck and over his deep brown eyes covering his brows.

He was simple. He always has been since the day I met him. Happy, too. Felix never seemed to have much to complain about.

Looking at me again with only his wandering eyes, I can’t help it. Lifting my glass, I smile. Dina had no idea who he was, she barely had a grasp on who I was, he probably wasn’t checking me out, if anything he may have been contemplating joining me or not, but with how we don’t really know too much about one another maybe he was nervous or something- 

Walking toward me. Felix was walking toward me.

I felt the need to sit up straight and I did. I also tucked my hair behind my ears, cursing myself for not bringing a tie to pull it back with.

Leaning backward against the bar, I slid an arm over my waist and put my other elbow on it, taking another sip from the straw in my glass that was a real curse. Dina should know this as a bartender, you shouldn’t drink alcohol through a straw.

“You know you shouldn’t be drinking that with a straw,” is the first thing to leave Felix’s mouth as soon as he’s close enough to me. I nearly choked on my liquor as I swallowed it while I laughed. The sunshine smiles, perfect teeth all in a row.

“I was just thinking that,” I said after a breath. Turning around to place the glass down, I face Felix again and place my hands between my knees, letting the knobby joints squeeze some warmth into them.

“Hi,” Felix said, his hands sliding back into his pockets.

“Hi,” I said, noticing there was a three foot gap between us. “Wanna sit? You drinking?”

Shrugging, Felix gestures back to Changbin. “I drove us, not sure I should have anything.” His beauty didn’t correlate to his demeanor, he was stiff as a board. Maybe he was nervous.

Glancing to the empty stool beside me, I look at him with only my eyes and smile. “Doesn’t mean you can’t sit.” He had trouble breaking into the group when he first came around, this much I knew, so without a Changbin to hide behind I felt responsible for… well, him.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he said with another shrug. A smile toyed with his plump lips, like it was always there.

Walking around the opposite side of the stool to avoid getting too close to me, he hops on with a soft sigh and shamelessly lets his gaze fawn over me. Feeling grateful that I’d showered, I smiled and spun around so we were both facing the bar.

Just be his friend, I thought to myself, you need a friend.

Which then reminds me how shitty I am at the friend thing. I only ever see anybody when I’m here, and most times it isn’t voluntary, I get dragged out of the apartment by Jade. I wouldn’t even call half of the people I hang out with friends anyway, so it wasn’t like I had many to keep up with. After college Changbin was the one to keep up with me, somehow understanding that I’m shitty at the friend thing-

“Keep overthinking and you’ll give yourself a headache before the tequila gets a chance to give you one first,” Felix’s accent is thick and it turns my ears pink, and not because he’s just read me like a book. Blinking a few times I glance his way and find his big eyes studying me. They’re slightly narrowed, and darting from either one of mine after they draw a conclusion from my brows. 

Rolling my shoulders back I attempt to relax my expression finding myself clenching my jaw to the point of it feeling sore once I unhinge it. “Damn,” I can’t help but huff a laugh.

“You okay?” Felix asked. He receives a drink from Dina, which I assume he ordered while my mind wandered into the void yet again. She gives me a cheeky look before she disappears.

“Uh, yeah,” I muttered, leaning forward to suck down my drink until it was almost empty. Felix shakes his short glass around taking a small sip. “Thought you weren’t gonna drink?” 

Licking his lips, I totally tried not to watch, he extended his arm to put his glass in front of my face, nodding his head once, telling me to take a sip. Flustered by his forwardness, I lower my chin and let him guide me to taste it. 

The clear fizzy bubbles were simply a glass of Sprite.

I cringe at the intensity of the fizz making him laugh, and the boisterous, melodic sound is enough to paralyze me. The edges of his eyes crinkled, and his eyebrows perked up slightly, wearing the amusement purely in his complexion. His smile though… that was enough to cure a bad day, and it was happening without me even realizing it.

“You choose… Sprite?” I sneered, smacking my lips a few times before guzzling down what was left in my glass between the melted ice cubes. Felix laughs again. Soda was the bane of my existence, it was utterly disgusting, I couldn’t see why anyone would find it refreshing or as a first choice for a beverage- but I’d suffer through a glass just to keep him laughing.

“It’s good, you jerk.” The grin he wore negated his choice of word. “I’m responsible for another life tonight, I can’t drink.” Admirable.

“Still,” I shot him a sarcastic side eye, “It’s soda.” 

“I just think you’re upset that your taste buds can’t handle the excellence that is this carbonated beverage,” Felix said. There’s a brief pause between us, one that makes us fall into a fit of laughter.

“Carbonated beverage,” I repeated, making us laugh even harder. “So specific.”

“Oh god,” Felix groans amongst the laughter, rubbing a hand over his eyes. Setting down his glass he massages his temples and takes a deep breath. “It’s been a long day.”

Following his breath I took my own, I hadn’t laughed in a while. “You worked, right?” 

Dina swung back around to swipe my glass, replacing it with another full one and a wink.

“I did, and it was exhausting,” Felix said. “Everyone and their mother showed up today, I had, like, no breaks.”

Sipping my drink that tasted sweeter than the second one, I twisted my body toward him in the slightest. “Are you in the same… the, uh, same place as Changbin?” I asked tentatively, half worried he’d be offended that I never properly learned what he did for work.

With a smile he nods, sipping his amazing soda. “We’re still in the same place, just different positions, if that makes sense?” I give him a small hum to encourage him to go on. “We’re both with the kids, but Changbin kind of floats around the entire building while I stay in one wing.”

“Right,” I said quietly, zoned in on how expressive his face was as he spoke. “‘Cause he’s the music, and all that.”

Felix’s smile widens. “He’s the music, I like that.” I begged the blush not to rush to my cheeks. “He really is. The kids love him. I swear, most days we don’t make it through without him, ‘specially where I’m at.”

Furrowing my brows I rest my chin in one of my hands. “What do you do?”

“I work with the high risk kids,” he said, giving his head a little shake. “Anxiety, trauma, depression, PTSD. I’m usually the last option before… Well, if what I do doesn’t work out for them, they get admitted.” 

Suddenly the quiet, smiley, always nice Felix made so much sense. He was a children's therapist alongside Changbin who worked in music therapy for all ages, all cases. No wonder Felix could feel what I was feeling when he sat down. That’s probably the reason he was checking me out from across the room. He had the ability to see the dark cloud over my head.

“A busy day means you helped a lot of kids,” I offered, taking note of how much I had drunk while he was talking. I was almost down another glass. Felix rolls his eyes slightly, the first tinge of negative emotion I’ve seen touch his angelic features.

“God, I hope so,” he said, shaking his glass. “I have one boy whose mother’s on the verge of taking him in, even though I’m doing everything I can.”

He didn’t intend to, but his words tumbled me back to twelve years old, when I’m pretty sure I had my first bout of panic. My mother was never around though, it was just me and my dad, and god forbid I ever felt nervous in front of him or tried to tell him I didn’t feel good.

“How old is he?” I asked. Felix pressed his lips together in a silly smile.

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” he said, then leaned in toward me to whisper, “Twelve.”

Up close like this, with a few inches between us, I could’ve counted the freckles on his cheeks if I wanted to. He didn’t stay within my personal bubble for too long before pulling away and sipping his drink. 

His jaw could cut glass. I could literally slide my hand over it and it would hurt, that was how sharp it was. Although, as sharp as some of his features were, like his jaw or his collarbone, everything about Felix was soft. He was gentle. He was beautiful. No… He was pretty. And to me, that was a step above beautiful. Almost anything could be beautiful, but not everything could be pretty.

I think I’m a bit tipsy.

Clearing my throat, directing my attention to his eyes that gaze at the neon signs on the wall, the ones giving his round cheeks a tinge of a yellow glow, I asked, “What’s he deal with? The boy?”

Felix turns his chin, giving me another look that’s supposed to tell me he’s not allowed to share. The batting of his lashes, that definitely wasn’t intentional, makes my stomach flutter. 

What the fuck?

“Let’s just say he’s kind of a nervous guy, okay?” he said, ending the discussion. “What about you?” Felix shifts his shoulders to face me like I had done to him. “Did you work today? Help a lot of people? You do that too, yanno.”

An exasperated breath escapes me. Dropping both hands into my lap I lean backward and shake my head. “No, no work for me today. Or yesterday.” Felix nodded, letting his gaze fall down my torso again before it came back up to my eyes. It was curious, how it felt like he was observing me. The friends in the back would do the same, yet when Felix does it, it doesn’t feel vulgar.

I’m shocked he even remembers what I do. It’s not like it was a career of importance, all I did was service cars in a mechanics garage- hence why my hands were destroyed, I hated the gloves, I worked with them bare. I wouldn’t say I helped people in the way Felix or Changbin did, I wasn’t healing people’s past’s, or working through their trauma, I was changing their oil, or repairing the engine beneath the hood of their ancient vehicles.

Like, seriously, the eighties happened six years ago. Get with the times. Get a new car.

“Do anything fun today, then? Anything exciting while I was coloring on the floor with a nine year old?” Felix’s smile is charming.

“Uh, well,” I began, wondering if I should share the events of last night, or, early this morning, with him. Then again, if Felix was to become a close friend that meant I had to share these things with him. I’d totally tell Changbin, shit, he’d be the first person I called if I didn’t share an apartment with Jade.

Damn it, Jade. It was like I had forgotten about her the second I saw Felix.

Whipping my head around to find her, she was perched on a high top chair with a glass in her hand full of a pink colored drink. One of the guys grabbed it for her without a doubt, they must’ve scurried over to the end of the bar Felix and I didn’t occupy to slyly get by.

Chan was next to her, a muscley arm around the back of her chair. Han and Changbin had found them, occupying the other seats with drinks. Minho and his silver hair, and his sturdy back, and his defined cheekbones were facing away from me. He was across the table in front of Jade, standing, leaning on the wood with a foot propped up on the rung of Han’s stool.

They were looking at each other, Jade’s eyes alight as she ran her mouth. When she paused to sip her drink, Minho spoke, and she watched him like he was made of stars.

Beside me Felix turns, following my line of sight.

“Everything okay?” he asked, like he could see my heart slipping out of my chest. “Wanna go sit over there?”

“Definitely not,” I whispered harshly, declining his offer with haste. Directing my attention to the bar as Jade’s discussion seemed to intensify, I sighed a bit dramatically, making Felix laugh.

“Did something happen?” he questioned. A quick shake of my head isn’t enough to satisfy him, and though it didn’t feel as if he was pestering me, I didn’t want to spill my insecurities to someone who didn’t know an ounce of my struggles. “You guys didn’t break up, did you?”

Slamming a hand on the bar I nearly broke my neck to shoot him a glare. “Do you want to be my therapist?”

My bitter tone slaps him across the face, hard. His lips pull into a small pout and his eyes go extremely wide. Taking a breath he gives me a small nod of his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I overstepped, I’m sorry.”

Raising a brow I wait for him to say absolutely anything else before I choose my response. Apologies weren’t something I usually received, I was always the one to do the giving. All Felix had done was ask me some simple questions that I didn’t want to answer, it surely didn’t seem like anything to apologize for.

“No,” I shook my head, blinking a few times. Felix’s pout dissolves. “I’m… I’m sorry.” Familiar tasting words. Now this was normal.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Felix shrugged, brushing away the matter, sipping his drink. “I shouldn’t have pushed it, we can discuss more of my clients even though I could potentially get fired.” His smile returns and the polite change of subject puts me back in foreign territory. My comment wasn’t lashed back at with a rude remark, nor was it used against me. Felix didn’t get upset, he understood my backlash, why I did it, and moved past it without an explanation.

“I’m sorry,” I felt the need to repeat myself, keeping my eyes locked on his. 

After another sip of his soda he puts the glass down and twists to face me completely. A smirk toyed at the corners of his lips.

“You don’t have to apologize, Hyunjin, it’s alright,” he said, reaching over to tap the top of my knee quickly. The sound of my name rolling off of his tongue was spine tingling.

“Yes, I do,” I said, turning myself to face him directly, our knees now touching. My legs were a little longer than his, so eventually my knees were going to have to end up between his.

“Why?” he asked, twisting his brows, giving his head a slight, endearing tilt.

Swallowing hard, I clear my throat and dart my eyes around his face to search for an answer. I had no idea what to say. I was taught growing up that if you made someone upset, you were to apologize for it. Jade’s heard the word ‘sorry’ more times than she can probably count.

The way Felix made a face after I snapped made me want to apologize, but I hadn’t a clue why he was questioning me for it.

“Uh,” I mumbled, finding warmth and comfort within his dark chocolate eyes, enough of it to try to speak up. “I thought I, uh, hurt your feelings, when I…”

Felix waited patiently for me to finish and only butted in when he realized I couldn’t put it together.

“I fired you up first,” he said. “I crossed a line after you tried to shut it down. You established a boundary, you had every right to bark like that.” I couldn’t hide the laugh that escaped me at the use of the word bark. Pressing my lips together in a small smile, I shook my head.

“You really are a therapist,” I said, dragging my eyes sarcastically over his tiny frame. Felix pops his brows, his grin glimmering with glamour.

Lifting his glass like I had before he sat down, he said, “A fine one, at that.” He takes the rim to his lips and shoots back the rest of the bubbles.

Taking this time to admire him and his perfectly sculpted profile, I cannot seem to shake the feeling of desire that begins to manifest within my chest. And, not a desire that I was used to feeling three drinks deep into a hangover recovery night. I wanted him to keep talking. I wanted to watch his lips to tell me more about this boundary thing, and how I wasn’t wrong for having feelings, and I wanted to ask him why talking about it felt weird.

If that would be him talking about work, I felt bad asking him to do it. I know how it feels to get off of a long shift and then have someone ask me to check their tires, I’d hate to make him use his brain when he should be having a fun night.

Felix was eyeing me back, bumping one of my knees by accident as he adjusted his feet under him. Realizing I was staring, I glanced at my glass quickly and found it empty. 

When the hell did I finish that?

Looking back at Felix, he was still focused on me. He was waiting for me to say something. My tequila blundered thoughts couldn’t come up with anything smart, and beneath his gaze it was impossible for me to whip up anything sarcastic. He waited. He wasn’t going to… push.

“You look like you wanna say something?” he asked. Okay, he was waiting, but I guess he also wanted to help. 

“I do,” I said, and he nodded. “But, I don’t want to… overstep.”

What the fuck is going on, I don’t talk like this.

Felix leans his cheek against the fist of the arm that rests on the bar, and the plush skin squishes on his knuckles, his appearance softening even more so, if it were possible.

“Say it,” he shrugged again. “If you overstep, you overstep. I’ll communicate it with you if you do.” His smile tells me a secret, it tells me he knows my objective. Calm, nice Felix finally shows a hint of mischievousness.

Darting my tongue between my lips, I notice that Felix tries his hardest not to watch. Rocking one of my knees into his I glance down at where they touch and lift just my eyes to look at him. A bit of his bottom lip has gone between his teeth, nibbling at the inside. The chocolate brown eyes that were once sweet had shifted to something that startled me a little to see. I didn’t know Felix was capable of eyes like that.

His knees close, catching one of my legs between them as predicted. “Don’t act so surprised, you’ve been looking at me exactly like that since I sat down,” he said quietly. My lips part, in surprise, and I’m incapable of conjuring up words. Alas, the air within Haven claims another victim. With a small nod of his head to the dance floor, Felix leaned toward me and whispered, “Either tone down the arousal, or tell me what’s happening with Jade. I don’t do cheaters.”

haven masterlist ✧ talk to me ✧ thank you for reading <3

you do not have permission to copy or translate my works without my consent.

[mymilovesfashion]

[2024 year in review ~ W Korea #3]

AUG - Jaehyun (NCT), Karina (aespa)

SEP - Go Min-si, Koo Kyo-hwan, Kim Hyun-joo, Kim Hee-ae, Ryu Jun-yeol, Seo Hyun-jin, Ahn Eun-jin, Lee Yoo-mi, Jeon So-ni, Chun Woo-hee

OCT - Hoyong Kim, Han Ji

NOV - Jennie (Blackpink)

DEC - Ever Gabo Anderson, Marina Abramovic