#learning so much about a lot of topics but at what costs

[pommunist]

i'm.... going to be that person again cause hi o/ i've done professional translation -subtitling, proofreading, typesetting and script translation- for film in latin america (where im from) and..... 1$ per minute was kind of.... the standard payment for translation and even a little high....

and even with that, i was lowballed by other translators MULTIPLE times (i had multiple instances of people telling me my rates were "too high for them". yes at 1$ a minute for translation, and then 2$ extra each minute for syncing and typesetting)

even when i worked with an european (german) company as an outsourced translator, this was more or less the expected rate

so idk. im once again sitting here in the "let me stay in my corner cause this is just standard pay for me" and it's the weirdest feel im not gonna lie

Thanks for the input !

After a quick research on this (adding it to the long list of random stuff i’ve googled because of this situation), it seems like translation pay rates can vary a lot depending on :

-Your country of residence

-The currency of said country

-The language pairing your working with

Seems like the consensus though is that translation work in general tends to be heavily underpaid 🫠🫠

For this admin’s case (who is from brazil from what I understand), SINTRA (Brazilian translators union) recommends a rate of around 6$/minutes for videos subtitles but yeah idk exactly what the average rates for EN>PT translation are, in any case it should be enough to offer a good hourly salary for translators.

Moment of silence for Lumi and any others in a similar situation who got a grand total of 0$ for her translations btw

[autumnoakes]

me, who started uni thinking i was entirely neurotypical and able-bodied but just lazy: i'm a failure for how long it's taking me to finish this degree. i'm a failure for being unable to get a job while i do so, much less handle it while i study. i don't deserve to take a semester off, i need to be doing something. i need to be able to support myself somehow. i'm failing at life

random voice in my head: you're not even 25 yet. most of your classmates are the same age as you. you can only handle so much and the threshold is much lower for you than for an able-bodied and -minded person. everyone deserves a break and should be able to take one without consequence and it's a shame that you don't feel you deserve it. the milestones you're worried about aren't real and even the one deadline you're worried about is 4 years in the future and your advisor told you not to worry about it anyways. deep breaths. it'll be alright.

[dissociacrip]

i saw that one disability-related post a while ago about dental care but i can't find it again so i'm gonna mention a few things as a (mild to moderately) mentally & physically disabled person, whose teeth hurt when i eat sweet stuff now + i've had a root canal due to a fall + i'm learning to take care of myself, that may or may not help other folks with their dental routine

note: i am not a dentist & this info is mostly what i've gleaned secondhand from dentists, so yeah, i am not an expert in any capacity

water flossers aren't as effective as regular flossing (doing both is actually what's most effective) but they're better than nothing & helpful in cases where coordination problems or other issues might prevent regular flossing technique (i imagine this also depends on the quality of the water flosser)

if you use one of the plastic pre-made floss picks things, rinse the string off in-between each time you use it to floss one side of a tooth, it's tedious but it mimics moving to a new (clean) part of the thread like you do with regular floss

if you get an automatic toothbrush, get one that does circular rotation rather than just vibrating or whatever, as this mimics the tools they use in a dentist's office + imitates the circular motion you're expected to make with a standard toothbrush (which is also hard with coordination issues), i got one that does this pretty cheap from walmart (it's an oral-b but i forgot the specific type) + it automatically times it for you

if you have white spots on your teeth that are uneven with the shade of the rest of the tooth those are potentially white spot lesions due to demineralization; whitening products can make this worse rather than help it, but some products can help with remineralization such as mi paste topical tooth creme, which contains calcium and phosphate (i have yet to try this myself but it seems to get suggested by a lot of dentists, orthodontists, etc. for white spots on teeth & it's also supposed to help with sensitivity and tooth health in general because the white spots are lesions so it's not purely cosmetic!)

it's advised to not rinse your mouth immediately after brushing as this potentially dilutes & reduces the effects of the flouride (if you use fluoride toothpaste), stuff says to wait at least 15 minutes or so

just giving your teeth a quick scrub (even if it's without toothpaste and just water) is better than not brushing your teeth at all

if you have trouble seeing a dentist for financial reasons, try to see if there are income-based or charity dental services in your area, sometimes dental schools also provide low-cost/free dental care

that's all i can think of for now, i wish i had more advice for people who struggle to be able to brush their teeth at all in general but this is all i got unfortunately :(

additionally - you're not bad, useless, gross, or a failure if you struggle to (or can't) maintain oral hygiene; this stuff is much easier for some people than it is to others & those who take it for granted like to forget that, no one deserves to be mocked or looked down on for being disabled & struggling to/not being able to do """basic""" stuff like this!

[andy-wm]

On a personal note...

This is a personal story, so feel free to scroll on past (if you're only here for the Jikookery I can respect that).

I'm posting this because it's connected to what Jimin and Jungkook (specifically Jimin) may or may not be doing with this album and their travel series "Are you sure", and by that I mean coming out publicly as queer and as lovers. If it sounds vague, it is, because I don't know what they're doing yet. I don't know how far Jimin is taking this or what direction he'll go. But if he is going to make his private life public, then my post is relevant even though my experience is a microscopic spec 0f what he will encounter.

I live in a conservative little town on the edge of a big city, we're almost the last stop on the metro train line. This place has 10 000 residents and a reputation for being a little on the rough side. It's not a bad place and the people are not bad people but they won't step aside if you pick a fight, lets put it that way.

There's one high school in our little town, and I am the school librarian. I also run the school's pride club and when I started it 5 years ago (that's when I joined this school) it kicked up a bit of a stink. The community had mixed feelings. I wasn't out as trans at that point, only as queer. The school principal supported the club but wanted me to keep it quiet (I didn't). She wanted me to be appeasing (I wasn't). And when we had challenges from homophobic students, she wanted me to 'let her handle it' ( I didn't).

I responded to bigotry with patience and kindness, modelling the behaviour I expected and having many many conversations about prejudice, the patriarchy, learned behaviour, fear of the unknown, and minding your own damn business....

When I came out as trans to the school community - changing my name and pronouns - I faced some real push back from both staff and students. Students were less openly hostile but sometimes the subtle attempts at bullying are worse. My line manager was really difficult about it. I was a hot topic of conversation. It wasn't a good time. But I stuck with it, partly because I couldn't go back and partly because the Pride Club students were so empowered by what I was doing. They thought I was really brave. I couldn't let them down.

It was a tough time for me personally. Every day was a struggle as I navigated my wavering sense of identity and tried to be true to myself. Most of my family and friends were okay with it but some were not. Some flipped back and forth, some thought I had lost my mind. I had to let a few people go from my life, including one of my closest friends. I've lost a few more since then. I've cried more in the past few years than I have in my whole life and I am pretty tough, so you gotta know - it was a lot.

Fast forward to now. The pride club is well established, homophobia still exists but it's less overt and it's no longer ignored, and we have staff who are active allies. It's definitely a success. Our students to have a safe place where they can be themselves, and slow change is coming to the culture of the school.

It has come at a personal cost though. Not a HUGE personal cost but enough for it to matter. I am recognised and known around town because, well, most people in small communities know each other. But more so because of my role in the school, and because I am the only out and vocal queer person on school staff (yes, there are other LGBTQIA+ staff but they keep it quiet, and I don't really blame them).

At school i still have to correct people on my pronouns on a daily basis, and occasionally a student will throw a comment my way but it's not often these days. I have to come out to all the new staff pretty much as soon as I first meet them otherwise it's awkward. It's just an everyday thing. It's not a big deal but it's tiring, and it's something cis/straight people don't ever have to think about.

What is tough, though, is sniping from the community at large every now and again. I have been targeted on community socials and I've had had some pretty brusque service from local shop owners and service personnel in local businesses. Sometimes I see kids from school at the shops and they point me out to their parents. I pretend it's because they're happy to see me (what the fuck else am I going to do - hide in the apple crate?) They may say a friendly hello... or they may following me through the aisles of the supermarket trying to menace me - yes, that has happened - I just have to wait and see.

I do have allies in the community too - like the gorgeous pharmacist who always gets my name and pronouns right and compliments me (on whatever he can think of) every time I collect my meds. There's a stern woman in the hardware store who makes a point of loudly correcting herself when she uses the wrong pronouns (often). I appreciate this, I really do, but honestly it would be great if she could be a little quieter.

I am not a celebrity by any means, just a small town school librarian. But wherever I go in my small town - to the doctor, the supermarket, the park, or the gym - there's a chance I'll encounter someone who knows my face. Sometimes that makes me nervous.

The point of this long and boring post is to give people who may not know what it's like, a bit of insight into the experience of a regular, everyday person who lives in a conservative place and who is both recognisable and queer. It can be exhausting, and from time to time I struggle with mental health issues. So I have no doubt that for people who are really well known, it would be much, much worse. They would be the subject of public debate on news sites and TV. They'd be tossed into arguments by politicians on both sides of the divide. They'd encounter hostility in person too, and that's really frightening.

So please remember that if the celebs you admire choose NOT to come out, it's because they've weighed up their choices and that's the safest option for them. Support them where they're at, so they can live their best life under the circumstances.

If they do come out, they'll probably need even more support. Please love them, defend them, celebrate them, and validate them. They need you more than you know.

And above all else, be a good human.

PS, no need to comment here, this is purely a PSA <3

[janesgms]

Plutonian Women

(and unraveling their destiny)

This post can be quite messy because I only wanted to share my thoughts on this topic. Do not take all of this as my absolute truth because these are things that I've thought for quite a while seeing it in my life and personally too.

Something I've realized lately is that Plutonian Women go through unique situations that set them apart from other people. And in this case, I'm refering to women only and not men because this is based on my experience, and you all know that energies manifest differently according to the gender so I'm not gonna afirm this also apply to men when I haven't seen it in my world, also, as we are tired of seeing, women are treated differently from men in our society so we cope with things differently.

Firstly, I wanted to talk about placements that make a woman Plutonian in my opinion (when I say "Plutonian", I mean someone who is heavily affected by Pluto in their natal chart), but you can relate to this post whether you have some of these aspects or not, so share your experiences with me, I'd love to know!

🔮 1H/5H/8H/10H Pluto.

🔮 0° Pluto.

🔮 Pluto in water degrees (bonus points if there are aspected placements who are also in water degrees).

🔮 Pluto aspecting big 6 (specially harsh aspects: conjunction, opposition, square, contra-parallel / also specially the luminaries - sun, moon - and mars).

🔮 Pluto in the same personal planets/asc.

🔮 Pluto aspects to outer planets in case it's also aspecting big 6.

🔮 I think Pluto aspect BM Lilith/Chiron can also play a part in this.

🔮 Scorpio Pluto if it's conjuncting or heavily aspecting other placements.

What distincts a Plutonian Woman from the rest is their gravitational energy that pulls you in like a black hole, and as intensely as one. Their eyes hold a shadow of their past traumas and occasions but with a touch of mystery that makes you wonder what they went through in their lives. Their stare is heavy and filled with emotions (let's not forget Pluto still rules a water sign).

I don't like to condemn people for their placements, but I think Plutonian Women came to this life to suffer a lot before gaining what they want and deserve, and this seemingly infinite cycle of pain will only end when they learn how to cope healthily with things of life. One of the reasons why they go through so much is their way of seeing and feeling. Plutonian Women feel things in almost a transcendental way, they feel intensely and with this, they can put themselves through "unnecessary" situations when not careful. They're also prone to self destructive behavior, their heart usually puts a dark veil in their thoughts when their emotions come crashing in like a hurricane. Their pain is the embodiment of "female rage", when they cry hard, it's a mix of anger, sadness, sorrow and everything that they were holding back from a while - because they do hold emotions - but they can't run away from their deepest parts, and one day everything overflows and they can finally reborn from that suffering; the music "Pretty When You Cry" describes them perfectly, because they're indeed pretty when they cry and crying frees them in a way, and a lot of people actually like to seem them suffer? Plutonian Women attract questionable men or women (romantically), because they're almost like a beautiful show to watch, and these men/women like them best when they're falling apart, but manipulation can arise and fool them (they should be careful with 12H synastry specifically, the apparently good ones can actually be the wolf in sheep's clothes).

But back to the way Plutonian Women perceive the world, they are actually fragile at heart, but they try to hide it at all costs, they have a pure heart who could be derranged due to childhood/romantic/any other issues but who has no bad intentions most of the times. I think of them as victims of situations they have no control of since young.

However, to be more positive, I'd like to say that this is not a death sentence at all. Indeed, death is the right word to describe Plutonian Women because they die all the time (figuratively speaking, but literal death can be very present in their life too) and they are reborn as better people. Unfortunately, justice or karma is not much on their side because the world can be a place very unfair most of the times, but I think this is due the fact that they souldn't focus on revenge or negative thoughts, even though they can do it a lot as a way of thinking as a "justice". But the message they should learn is that they should focus on getting better, prettier, wiser, smarter instead of losing energy thinking on lower vibrational people.

The truth is that Plutonian Women are the defintion of a a Phoenix, if you do them wrong, you can be sure that they will gain their dignity back and get back stronger than ever, even with a "fragile" heart as I said, they have a malicious mind that protects this side of them; and also, once they apparently heal their deepest and oldest wounds, it gets harder and harder to break their shell, but if you were capable of doing so, just know that you opened all of them and made the Plutonian suffer all again and go to hell and back.

Overall, the word that describes them best is "raw" because this is what they truly are (in the best way possible lol). Due to this, they can attract a lot of hate - similar to lilith women and specially if they are also lilith "dominant" - from people who don't understand their beauty or actions, because their beauty is truly sharp, hypnotizing, dark and undescribable, furthermore, their actions are particularly unique and most of the times hide their intentions, they never do something significant without thinking first. They ultimstely search for what's beyond the surface, when in love, they wanna know your soul and more, they despise flings, they wanna get to know the depths of their s/o's being, they love hard but also get heartbroken hard when it happens. Academically, they like to be strategic and hardworking when they see it's worth the work, they can be perfectionist because they're hard on themselves most of the times. So, afterall, what's their destiny? Their destiny is to feel accepted and comfortable in their own skin, to get over their traumas and allowing themselves to be better, to let go of toxic people and surroundings, to not engage in toxic relationships anymore, to free themselves from karmic debts and to be finally happy.

Plutonian Women probably feel a deep connection with spirituality, astrology, pstchology, crying, darkness, mystery, the unknown, black/red/purple/dark blue, sad and profound songs, the night, dark places in general, mourning, wakes, death celebrations, soul level bonds and conversations.

Plutonian Women are masterpieces who deserve more from the world and people, they've gone through a lot and they should be 100% respected, sending a lot of love to all of you ❤️‍🔥

Hey guyssss, I missed posting actual posts here but I wasn't feeling inspired lately. But I'm back!!! I hope you guys understand my point of view and I typed this with all my heart because I was based on my personal experiences and people around me's experiences. I was thinking in also making a post about Lilith Women since I also have a lot to say about that either ! Thanks for the support and see you later or sooner 💋 Also in case you noticed I didn't focused in scorpio placements here because I think they work differently (I just don't know how to explain this difference tbh, so I focused on actual Pluto)

[shinidamachu]

the importance of "I'll protect you with my life"

For @inukag-week's sacrifice prompt, I thought I'd expand on a topic I have only mentioned before: the "I'll protect you with my life" line and why it matters even more than we give it credit for.

The thing about Inuyasha's character is that he was build — both physically and psychologically — to survive.

Physically, the fact that his own blood can be weaponized into a powerful attack backs up that assumption.

And so does the fact that one of his defining traits is having a defense mechanism that kicks in whenever he's on the verge of certain death with the sole purpose of keeping him alive.

Psychologically, his tough childhood shaped his survival instincts into a reliable and sharpened sense. And this next part is more of a conjecture than anything else, but I believe Izayoi's death plays a huge role here.

It can be assumed that she gave up a lot in order to live her love story and her life choices ultimately resulted in an early death. Inuyasha, being the child born from that love, has no better way of honoring her memory than living. First, for her. Then, to spite those who were against his very existence.

And this — conscious or not — need to live, is deeply intertwined with his desire to belong. Fitting in is the safest way to survive and, at first, he tried to achieve that by becoming a powerful demon.

Then, he went the opposite direction and agreed to turn into human, which only cements that his true wish wasn't to simply become one or the other at all, but to be accepted, so he could live.

That's why he doesn't take threats to his life laying down, especially when unearned. It may not look like, given his reckless way of dealing with things, but in a crooked way, Inuyasha actually values his life.

So much, in fact, that putting other people's lives above his own was a foreign concept that he struggled with at the beginning and had to learn in order to wield Tessaiga.

When Kagome tells Inuyasha she will help him with the sword under the condition he promises to protect her, she obviously never meant that said protection should cost of his life.

She wouldn't dream of it because she knows she's not entitled to it. He doesn't owe her anything. Although, one could make a point that he kind of does.

Kagome is literally the reason he is alive. Through their journey, is a recurring theme that her voice would bring him back from death's grasp every time. She's constantly saving his life. In more ways than one.

And despite Inuyasha's immediate reaction to her request being to mock her and making it clear that he never said he would protect her forever, he was the one to willingly and unpromtly add the "with my life" bit.

Even though protecting Kagome with his life was precisely what he had been doing the entire time — in spite of spending a good chunk of the series thinking his life wasn't his to give away —, to say it out loud makes for an amazing paralel and it shows how much they've grown, both as characters and as a couple.

But more than that: it shows a whole new level of devotion. For the first time ever, Inuyasha is chosing to promise his life to someone for no other reason than the fact that he loves her.

And despite talking about a lifelong commitment, I can't remember a single stance of the story where Inuyasha had acted more free.

No wonder the scene can be interpreted as a proposal.

[storytowrite]

|The FINE Art ~ Hwang Hyunjin|

Theme: Art Student! Hyunjin x Y/N

Warnings: mention of nudity, smut, 18+, unprotected sex, the age gap Y/N is 15 years older than Hyunjin.

Word Count: 5257

Summary: Life wasn’t easy for you. You lost your job, lost your husband who remarried and took everything away leaving you only with an old, sick cat. You desperately needed money. Thankfully, your friend is an art teacher and your body is quite tempting. Especially for the young, talented student.

------------------

“I’m sorry ma’am, but the cat needs surgery if you want it to live longer. We cannot wait long.” The vet said his verdict. Your old cat, Lemon, was ill, and you knew that. The thing was that you didn’t have enough money and you were in a really bad situation. 

“How much is for the surgery?” You asked. 

“It will cost about $3000 in total with all the care.” The vet answered your question and you sighed heavily. Why on Earth does it cost so much?! And more importantly - how will you gather all the money needed? 

“All right… If that’ll help him, please do everything you can. I can’t lose him too.” You said tiredly. 

“We’ll do everything we can to save this little boy.” The vet smiled at you honestly. 

You nodded and left your cat at the vet’s clinic. It wasn’t a good timing for such expenses, but you had to do everything you could to just save your animal. You sighed heavily once again. The previous week was hard and now this. Your life was a mess. You lost the job, since your boss decided to hire “some younger girls” and you were simply too old in his eyes. 

The divorce process was finally over. But unfortunately your ex-husband took everything he could, including your apartment. Because of this, you had to move in with your friend, at least until you get back on your feet again. Fortunately, Lina was happy to help you. 

You returned home wasted and without your cat, which you left at the veterinary clinic. You wanted to cry. Earning $3,000 in a short time seemed unrealistic. Well, because how to do it? 

"Oh Y/N are you back already?" Asked Lina peering at you from above another artwork she was working on. "Everything ok baby?" 

"No, nothing is ok. Lemon needs surgery and I don't have that much money to pay for it. And I still can't find a job. Everything is falling apart for me." You sat down heavily on the couch. "And I also need to find an apartment and..." 

"Woah, slow down honey. I don't mind your company. You and Lemon can stay with me as long as you need, after all, you know that.... And as for work, I think I have an idea." She smiled slightly at you. You knew that kind of smile from Lina's genre of brilliant ideas. 

"Oh no, why do I feel like I'm going to regret this?" You asked, looking at your friend. 

"Don't exaggerate, it's nothing like that.... Besides, we'll both benefit from it." 

"Fine, what's the idea?" You asked, slightly curious. 

"Great... you'll love it!" She clapped her hands. 

After an hour of talking to your friend and her persuading you, you finally agreed to help her with her little project. Lina was a drawing teacher in the art department, and her students were just starting to learn how to sketch real people. They needed a model for this, since the topic was THE FEMALE BODY. 

At first you had a lot of concerns. Lina wanted you to pose nude in front of a group of some of her top students. You had huge objections to this. You didn't feel like showing your body to strangers in their twenties. But you had no choice. The deal was simple, 10 sessions at $300 each, for a maximum of five hours per class. That is, two weeks of work. You were able to do it, right? 

"I don't know Lina, I have to think about it..." You said, glancing at her. 

"Just don't make me wait too long for your answer.... Besides, you have a beautiful body for our age, so what's the problem?" She asked lightly. 

"What do you mean what's the problem? I'm supposed to show off to a group of 20-year-olds? After all, they are children!" 

"Honey, these are young adults. Besides, they are just a few people. I'd rather pay you than some strangers. Think of Lemon. He needs this operation.... And if you prove yourself, who knows? Maybe I'll hire you permanently?" She persuaded you further. 

" Oh, hell no... I'll find a job, eventually." You replied quickly. "But fine. I'll take part in it..." You agreed, sighing heavily. "Just so I don't regret it..." 

"Believe me, you won't and you'll even like it!" She replied excitedly. "We'll start first thing tomorrow morning! Prepare yourself properly, you know, shave and.... " 

"Okay, I'll prepare properly.... Anything else?" You asked in a tired voice, interrupting her sentence. 

"Hm... take some clothes to change into.... And well, put on some nice underwear. Tomorrow we start with the upper body. The students will sketch your torso and breasts above all. Well, and tie your hair in a ponytail, it will be easier to see your collarbones.... But that's at ease, I'll tell you everything exactly tomorrow." She grinned. "Go rest, I still have to finish here." 

You sighed heavily and went straight to the bathroom, following your friend's directions. You still weren't convinced about the idea, but the situation forced you to do so. You felt stress above all. You may have had a nice, fit body, but you certainly weren't used to showing it to strangers. 

After a long and warm shower, you headed to your bedroom, where you fell asleep rather quickly. The next day would be a very long one... 

The next day you got up early, got dressed and did light makeup. You left your hair loose, for now at least. Later you'll tie it up in a ponytail. Your friend had already been bustling around in the kitchen since morning. 

"Good morning! Ready for today's challenges?" Asked a delighted Lina. 

"Mhm, I won't be any more than I am." You muttered uneasily. 

"Oh grumpy... Come on, or we'll be late." Lina didn't seem to mind your dissatisfaction. 

"And breakfast?" You asked. 

"We don't have time... you'll get something on the spot." Your friend waved her hand and pulled you with her to the exit. You left her apartment and headed for the car. The trip to the university didn't take long, but you were getting more and more stressed with each passing moment. No wonder, after all, you will be posing naked.... 

You entered the university and headed straight to the room where the classes would be held. Lina showed you everything inside and once again reminded you what to do and how to do it. Your task was quite simple. All you had to do was show some breasts and sit still on a stool for a good couple of hours. 

The students began to fill the room, and you heard Lina greeting them cheerfully. You sighed quietly. It's going to be a long couple of hours. 

"Dear students, I have a little surprise for you today." You heard your friend's words. "A good friend of mine has agreed to get herself acquainted with us. As I said, you will learn sketching on a living organism.... Y/N come join us and show yourself to our students." 

You took a deeper breath and stepped out from behind the screen. You stressed all over. You stood in the middle, right next to your friend, trying not to catch eye contact with any of the students in the room. 

You quickly swept your eyes around the room. There were eight students in the classroom, three girls and five boys. They looked rather uninterested. You glanced out of the corner of your eye at Lina, who continued her argument. 

"Y/N will be our model today. Please be nice to her, she has never done this before. Today we'll take care of the upper body. Your task is to reproduce Y/N's torso and breasts. We sketch from the neck until we reach this point." Lina showed them exactly how much to sketch. "Y/N honey, take off your top and bra and sit on the stool. Do any of you have any questions?" 

The students did not answer Lina's question. You, on the other hand, with slightly trembling hands, undressed from the waist up and sat on the stool. Your friend even gave you a pillow to make you more comfortable. 

"Great, push your breasts out a little more and..." Lina began to correct your positioning. "Perfect! Okay darlings, you can begin." 

The group of students got down to sketching. You swept your eyes around the room. Everyone was focused to make the best possible representation of your body. Lina walked among the students and glanced at their progress. 

Time passed quickly. The students worked in silence. None of them had spoken a word since they entered the room. They were focused on the task at hand. 

One of the men present in the room caught your attention. You had never seen such a handsome man before. He had noble features, his hair was slightly longer and black. He had an earring under his eyebrow, and a black leather jacket perfectly framed his body. 

You swallowed your saliva. The man looked like a prince, and there was plenty of finesse and elegance in his movements. You honestly couldn't take your eyes off him. There was something about him that attracted you to him, something magnetic that you could not describe in words. 

The man in question noticed your gaze. It was as if he sensed that you were looking at him. He raised his gaze slightly, looking deeply into your eyes, and gently raised his eyebrow. You felt a blush appear on your face and your throat suddenly became dry. A strange feeling welled up in your lower abdomen as he smiled slightly and winked at you. 

"All right my dears. Let's take a break for a while." Lina suddenly announced, breaking the silence that had prevailed. "Let's let Y/N stretch her legs.... Come back here in 15 minutes and we'll continue." 

The students put down their sketches and began to leave the room for the break, and Lina handed you a sweatshirt to cover yourself. She smiled warmly at you in the process. 

"Well? Not so bad, huh?" She asked. 

"It's fine... Although I was stressed." You replied and took a sip of water. "Your students aren't very talkative, are they?" 

"As artists are." 

"I thought there would be more students in the room." You said, sipping water again. 

"Nah, I have a small group. But they are the best of the best.... You could say it's such a VIP class." Lina laughed. "You know, it's an extra class for the more ambitious ones." 

"Oh, now I understand..." You nodded, and your thoughts fled to the mysterious boy with an earring under his eyebrow. 

"Would you like to take a peek at the sketches? The students really sketched your body very well..." Lina took one sketchbook in her hand, belonging to the boy you were looking at. "Oh look, Hyunjin did it the best. That boy can perfectly render every detail.... He's my top-of-the-class student." She smiled proudly. So the boy's name was Hyunjin. 

"Wow... This is amazing." You said, sincerely impressed by the way Hyunjin rendered all the details. He even sketched the delicate birthmark you had under your breast. 

"Right?" Lina asked. "If you ask Hyunjin nicely, he might give you his sketch..." She winked. "He has a real talent, and by the way he looks like Aphrodite herself conceived him. He could be a model, but there's a rule at the university that students can't pose, which is a shame..." She sighed quietly. "I myself sometimes wish I could see..." 

"Lina! This is your student..." reprimanded your friend. 

"I know, that's why I leave some things only in dreams." She laughed quietly. "Hungry? I'll get you something to eat." As she said, so she did, quickly leaving the room.

You sighed softly and your stomach growled. Not eating breakfast before leaving was a mistake. You glanced at your watch. The break was slowly coming to an end and your friend had not yet returned with the promised food. In turn, students slowly began to return to the room.

"Hungry?" You suddenly heard a voice behind you. You turned to look at the owner. In front of you stood Hyunjin, who was a head taller than you. He smiled slightly and handed you a banana. "Eat... you've got another 2.5 hours of sitting ahead of you."

“T-Thank you…” You said, taking the banana from him and peeling it right away.

"You welcome... I wanted to say that you have really beautiful breasts." He said, looking you straight in the eye. "I can't wait for the next few days to see the rest."

"Oh thank you?" You replied slightly confused and blushed slightly.

"Nothing." Hyunjin winked at you. 

"Okay, guys! We can get back to work!" Lina called as she entered the room. "Y/N, please sit down the same way you sat before. Perfect! Remember, there are 2.5 hours left until the end of time. At the end of the day, you should have at least five sketches."

Everyone went back to work. The banana Hyunjin gave you, calmed your stomach for a while. You sighed quietly, sitting half-naked on the stool. Honestly, you were counting down the minutes until the end. 

Every now and then you found yourself staring at Hyunjin, who was working intently on the sketches of your body. You couldn't take your eyes off him. He was too handsome to resist. You didn't even feel that time had passed quickly. 

Lina announced the end of class and let you get dressed. Students slowly began to file out of the room. You watched them leave, saying a quiet 'goodbye'. Your friend approached you after everyone else had left the room."You were great today." She grinned. 

"I'm taking you to dinner, come on! And mentally prepare for tomorrow. We'll show them a little more... Can you handle it?"

"Yes, I think I can... Although I don't know if I want to show them everything." You started.

"Well, tomorrow's plan is legs... you can have a thong, we'll move on to the private parts at the end of the week, and next week we'll have poses... Well, I think you should be able to handle everything easily." Lina continued.

“Mhm, if you say so…” You muttered. The prospect of showing your private parts to students didn't make you feel optimistic, but when you thought about Hyunjin, it didn't sound so bad either...

—-------------------

The week flew by very quickly. The students tried to accurately portray all the details of your body on paper. On Friday, the last day of the first week, there was a class on sketching 'private body parts', as Lina called it. And that meant you had to show your vagina. 

The thought of this did not fill you with any optimism at all. You didn't want to expose yourself so much in front of the students, but Lina forced it on you. To be fair, she did suggest that she would pay you more for the day, so with a slight hesitation you agreed. 

You sat in the room wrapped only in a silk dressing gown and waited for the class to start. Your friend went to talk to the dean, leaving you alone. You sighed quietly and stuck your gaze into your phone, trying to calm your thoughts. 

Hyunjin entered the room, but you were so busy with your social media that you didn't notice his presence. The boy walked over to his stand and unpacked all the necessary items before turning towards you. 

"Hi pretty." He said in a velvety voice, snapping you out of your activity. "What are you going to show us today?" He asked and winked slightly. 

"Ekhm... Private parts." You replied feeling a little intimidated, looking up at him. 

"And you're convinced about that?" He asked. "You look confused and scared." 

"Well, it's certainly quite a step out of my comfort zone.... But I can't back down now." You answered honestly. 

"I understand... If it's any comfort to you, I'll try to replicate everything very accurately." He smiled.

"Thanks I guess..." She grunted. "I've seen your work before. You have great talent," he said. 

"Thank you, beautiful." He smiled warmly at you. "But the credit goes to the model I sketch." He winked, and a blush appeared on your cheeks. "It suits you this colour, you know? I wish I could paint a picture of you. In a red see-through nightgown.... What do you think?" 

"A painting?" You blinked, not expecting such a proposal. "I don't know..." 

"I have to create a portfolio for the final exam.... I've already painted three paintings of my friends, but I still have one left. And you are beautiful. I'll pay." He replied, watching your reaction. 

"I have to think about it..." You replied, but didn't finish the sentence because he walked in on you in mid-word. 

"I understand." He replied and wrote something down on a piece of paper. " Here, this is my phone number, if you make a decision, just text me..." He handed you a small piece of paper with the number on it. "Just don't make me wait too long for an answer, lovely." 

"R-right." You replied and hid his number in a safe place. 

The rest of the students entered the room, along with your friend, who smiled broadly at you. She welcomed the students and gave them the guidelines for the assignment. 

"Well Y/N. Sit with your hands behind your back and push your chest forward a little too. And spread your legs..." She said to you and helped you adjust your position. "My dears, you may begin. "

Sitting apart in front of a group of people has not been one of the most comfortable activities in your life. However, you didn't pay much attention to it yourself. Your thoughts were consumed with Hyunjin's proposal. Should you accept it? He said he would pay, and so far there was no indication that you would find a job.... 

You decided to give it a chance and agree to his proposal. After all, it's just another day's work as a "model." You survived a whole week in front of students, you'll survive being alone with Hyunjin too. 

Before you knew it, the class was over and the students had left the room, and you were free to get dressed. Lina was still talking to individuals while you typed Hyunjin's number into your phone. You made up your mind and as soon as he left the room, you texted him. 

[Y/N]

Ok. I agree.... When do you want to do it? ~ Y/N

[Hyunjin] 

Wonderful news sweetheart! Let's meet tomorrow evening at my place. Remember, red nightgown 😘

 He wrote back almost immediately. You swallowed your saliva. What are you actually doing? 

—-------------------

The next day you went to the address Hyunjin sent you in a text message. You were stressed. You didn't know what it should look like or how long it would take. Your body trembled and your mind wandered into dangerous territory. You felt both apprehension and excitement about the whole situation. 

You stood in front of the door of his apartment. You took a few deep breaths and knocked gently. You waited, listening for the sound of footsteps. After a while, the young man opened the door for you and let you in with a smile. 

"I'm glad you agreed." He said, taking over your coat from you. "Make yourself comfortable... Would you like something to drink before we start? Coffee? Tea? Water? Maybe wine?" 

"Water is enough... Although I won't actually despise wine either." You replied and timidly entered his living room. 

The room was large, definitely bigger than your friend's entire apartment. Not surprising, after all, Hyunjin lived in one of the more expensive neighbourhoods in your city. The white leather furniture, laced with gold accessories, perfectly matched the aura that this man was producing. Everything seemed truly royal. 

"Wow." You gasped in awe. 

"Do you like it? My parents made sure I was comfortable in the city.... Would you like a tour of the apartment?" He asked, handing you a glass of red wine. 

"I'd love to... If I can, of course." You accepted the drink from him and took a sip. 

The boy showed you his entire apartment. He had three bedrooms, but he had transformed one into a studio, and the other was used as a dressing room. 

"Okay, ready for us to start?" He asked as you walked through the apartment.

"I think so." You replied hesitantly.

"Great!" He smiled broadly. "Come on, I'll paint you in the studio... I'll get everything ready and you can go and change in the bathroom. Leave when you're ready. It'll take me a while to paint though... It'll take all weekend, actually. But like I said, I'll pay. $1000 is enough?"

"H-how much?" You were stunned when you heard the amount he gave.

“If it's not enough, just tell me…” He replied, watching you.

"Not enough? I didn't expect it to be so much..." You started. "It's too much…"

"Hmm... I don't think so." He shrugged. "We'll talk about it later... You can go change in the bathroom now and I'll set everything ready here." He said, unimpressed.

“Sure…” You replied and headed to the bathroom.  $1000 to pose? You were shocked. How much money does this young man actually have? 

After a few minutes you were ready. You looked at your reflection in the mirror. You were wearing a slightly see-through red nightgown that hugged your body perfectly and highlighted all your curves. You decided to leave your hair down, but you put a small decoration in it. You fixed your delicate makeup and went out to Hyunjin.

"Wow, you look amazing." He said as soon as he noticed you. "Like I said, this colour suits you very well."

"Thank you." You replied, slightly embarrassed.

"Okay, you can lie down." He pointed to a small sofa in the center of the room. "I would like you to lie down comfortably, and if you want to sleep, just close your eyes. The only thing that matters is that you stay in the position I put you in."

“Sure, I can do it…” You replied and followed his directions. You settled into a comfortable position on the sofa and Hyunjin stood over you. He leaned down gently and positioned your body. His touch was pleasant. You felt the nice warmth radiating from his body.

"Perfect." He said and smiled contentedly. "Okay, let's get started. If you want a break then say so." 

Hyunjin began to paint. You lay there without moving, watching his every move. You began to wonder how it was that your life had brought you to the point where you were. 

Hyunjin painted in concentration, and there was silence between the two of you. You didn't seem to mind. You felt your eyelids become heavy and you didn't even know when you fell asleep. 

You woke up after some time and stretched slightly. It was already twilight outside. You looked around the room you were in. Hyunjin was nowhere to be found. You stood up and stretched your stagnant body again. You were curious to see how Hyunjin's progress was going, but before you could get closer to the painting, the door of the room opened. 

"Oh, you're awake already." Hyunjin smiled slightly. "Hungry? Come, I've prepared dinner." 

Only when the boy mentioned food did you feel that you were actually hungry. You followed him into the kitchen, where delicious smells were coming from. 

"You are handsome, you paint and you cook. Is there anything you can't do?" You asked, sitting down at the table. Hyunjin glanced at you laughing. 

"Thank you for the compliment, beautiful." He winked, at which you blushed. He served you dinner and you began to eat. 

"Enough with the painting for today, it's late." Hyunjin said. "If you want, you can stay the night.... We'll start again first thing tomorrow morning anyway." 

"I don't want to get..." You started. 

"But that's not up for discussion." He interrupted you in mid-sentence. "It's late, I don't want you to go home when it's dark outside.... I'll prepare a bed for you." 

"Hyunjin, but really..." You started again but his one look left you unsure what to say next. "Okay. I'll stay the night." 

"Great." He smiled at you. "Come on, I'll give you something to sleep on..." 

" You know, after all, I can sleep in what I'm wearing." You replied while watching him. 

"Believe me, if you stay in this red nightgown, I won't hold back."  He replied with full seriousness. 

"Oh..." You made a sound. " All right..." 

You followed him to his dressing room, which occupied the other room. Hyunjin walked over to a cabinet and pulled out an oversized hoodie and handed it to you. "It should fit." He smiled slightly. 

"Thank you." You replied with a slight smile. "I'll take a shower." 

Hyunjin nodded and you parted the rooms. You went to the bathroom to take a quick shower, and a pleasant feeling once again settled in your lower abdomen. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was in the bedroom preparing a place for you to sleep. 

After some time, you came out of the bathroom in his hoodie. You could smell his perfume lingering on his clothes. You smiled slightly, to yourself. His scent was so soothing. 

"Do you like the smell?" You suddenly heard his voice behind you, at which you jumped slightly. 

"Y-yes." You stuttered, at which the boy smiled. 

"I have to say, no matter what you're wearing, you're every bit as beautiful." He said, walking closer to you. "I like you Y/N." 

"Thank you, I guess..." You took a gentle step back unsure of where this conversation was leading. 

"When I say I like you, I really mean it." Hyunjin leaned slightly over you and brushed lightly against your waist. You swallowed your saliva as you looked straight into his eyes, your back resting against the wall. Hyunjin was leaning with his hand right next to your head and his body was leaning against yours. You bit your lip slightly and gently moved your legs, feeling yourself slowly getting wet. The situation you found yourself in was definitely not on your bingo card. 

"Hyunjin, we don't..." You began, trying to keep up any semblance of a smile yet. However, his closeness and magnetic scent were too tempting to resist. 

"Shhhsh." The boy moved his thumb over your swollen lips. "You don't even realise how sexy you look right now." He whispered in your ear while biting your earlobe, which was met with a quiet sigh that left your lips. You felt his gentle smile as he moved closer to your neck and gently moved his velvety lips across it. "You like it." He stated, observing your reaction to his touch. "I wonder if you'll like this too." He added and moved his hands a little lower, slipping them under the hoodie. 

"Hyunjin, it's not..." You started, but feeling his long fingers glide across your skin, leaving goosebumps on it, you were unable to control your senses. Hyunjin's lips attacked your neck more boldly, and you tilted your head further back so he could have better access. 

Hyunjin glided his lips along your neck looking for weak spots, and once he found them, he immediately started leaving red hickeys in those spots, which was met with your moans of approval. 

You rested your hands on his torso, and the young man delicately lifted you up, grabbing your buttocks. You put your legs around his waist as his lips found their way right to yours. 

"I want you." He whispered, brushing his lips lightly against yours. "And I know you want me too. Say it." 

"Please." You said quietly. 

"You're asking? For what?" He asked backing away slightly which was met with your disapproval. 

"Kiss me, please." You moaned pleadingly. Hyunjin smiled at you and pressed his lips into yours. His kiss was firm and forceful, but that's what you liked best. You moaned blissfully into his mouth as he grabbed your buttocks tighter. Hyunjin took this as a sign of approval and carried you to his bedroom. 

Hyunjin put you on the bed immediately, finding himself above you. His knee came between your legs pressing lightly on your spot. He leaned over a little more and cupped your hoodie with his hands. 

"You are phenomenal." He said, watching you. His hands moved over every bare patch of your body, exploring every inch of it. Following his hands, Hyunjin placed you on the bed immediately finding himself over you. His knee came between your legs pressing lightly on your spot. He leaned over a little more and cupped your hoodie with his hands. His hands moved over every bare patch of your body, exploring every inch of it. His hands were followed by his lips, which also explored your body. He left wet footprints in his path, interspersed with huge hickeys. 

You moaned blissfully when his lips found their way to your lower abdomen. You felt his smile against your skin. Hyunjin gently spread your legs and moved his hand over your core. Your reaction encouraged him to continue. 

He bit lightly on the inside of your thighs, which was met with your slight jump. His strong hands, however, held your body as his mouth took up your pussy, embracing it completely. 

You moaned loudly and slid your hand into his hair. You pulled his hair gently as his tongue penetrated your insides, melting with pleasure. 

Hyunjin drove you to pleasure, and your body arched in an accompaniment of moans. The young man licked and returned his lips to your mouth, kissing you. You immediately responded to his kiss, hungry for his velvety lips. 

Your hands moved over his body. You wanted to get rid of his clothes as quickly as possible. Hyunjin laughed quietly. 

"So eager, huh? Patience darling, be good and you'll get what you deserve." He said amused and helped you undress himself. Once he was standing naked, you moved your hands over his penis, which was already ready for use. "I don't have condoms..." The boy began. 

" Doesn't matter, I want to feel you, now, right now, please!" You moaned needily. 

"I like the way you are asking." He snarled quietly and slid his full length into you. 

"Oh yes!" You whined loudly and moved your hands down his back as he began to move. 

His movements became faster and less precise. He went deep, perfectly attacking your g-spot. Your and his moans filled the entire room.

"Hyunjin! I…" You started digging your nails into his soft skin.

"Come on baby, cum for me." He groaned loudly. "Fuck!"

"I'm cumming!" You moaned loudly, clenching around him. 

A few seconds later, you felt warmth spreading through your insides. Hyunjin collapsed on top of you after a moment, his head resting between your full breasts. You were both breathing heavily.

���You are my muse." He murmured after a while. "Be my muse forever?"

"With pure pleasure." You replied quietly, gently stroking his back, making him smile.

"You know what? You are the FINE art." He said. "My muse."

And After an eventful night, you both fell asleep cuddling together.

-> Masterlist

[ms-demeanor]

sorry if you've answered this before, and i hope you don't mind me asking, how do you know so much about computers and what seems to me like everything in the world? how did you become so knowledgeable? it's amazing

i just know a little about a lot of things and I probably have a fair number of things that I've dug into more than most people and less than people who actually focus on that stuff! It's kind of an illusion!

I do know a lot about computers and that's because I've worked at a computer company for 12 years and have been deep into a computery subculture for about 20 years - I do genuinely know a lot about consumer computers. That I'll own and that's experience.

I know a fair amount about literature because I've got a degree in it!

I know a fair amount about journalism because I've got most of a degree in it and I worked with journalists for a long time!

I know a fair amount about nutrition because I've got most of a degree in it and because I've been focused on reading a lot about nutrition for more than a decade because of my own food issues!

But mostly I'm just someone who falls down rabbitholes and has a decent ability to recall what I find when I run down them.

Also I get curious about things and will just go. Experience them.

Like at some point i came across a site for people who own and use RealDolls and I got interested in learning more. The site required an application because they didn't want people just trolling so I applied and I ended up reading through the whole site and reading the magazines they sent out for years after because it was just interesting. The way these guys bought clothes or compared repair techniques and cleaning techniques, the way they constructed identities for their dolls - it was all interesting! So now I know about the proper way to store a RealDoll and how their skeletons are put together and the best way to prevent rips or clean inserts.

Now imagine that with everything.

I got interested in quack medicine so I ended up reading the entire back catalogs of quackwatch and science-based medicine.

I got interested in the history of aspartame as a scare-word and I ended up reading a couple of books, SEVERAL entire blogs with decades-long runs, purchasing a military magazine from the 90s, and submitting a FOIA request.

But, like. I don't own a RealDoll or work in that industry. I am not a medical professional. I am not a chemist who works with aspartame. So I get these weird little collections of information where I know what *seems* like a lot to someone who hasn't looked into it but I know a lot less than someone who has taken the time to actually dedicate themselves to that topic.

And sometimes it's a years-long dive and sometimes it's a months-long dive and sometimes it's a few hours of me digging online until I feel satisfied with what I've learned and I never come back to it, but I've got three more talking points than your average joe at a party would.

(Also though I've attended various colleges at various levels for ten-ish years now and I've taken probably more college-level classes on a lot of subjects than most people have because I've now spent several years just kind of kicking around at community colleges and deciding that a cartooning class sounds fun or that a mesoamerican art class fills certain transfer requirements or that I might as well brush up on spanish, french, and german. Access to low-cost college classes in california is a big part of this, and having the time and money to take classes while i'm working is something that I've been very lucky with)

I've also worked pretty much continuously since I was 18, sometimes holding multiple jobs at once, and I know a lot of interesting people who do a lot of interesting things and I ask them about their interesting experiences and if they offer me a chance to go do cool shit with them, like launch a high altitude balloon or blow up some dynamite that's about to expire or join a band, I do it!

I was also one of those kids who had no friends and spent too much time at the library so I'd do things like read through medical textbooks or pull a book of home chemical formulas out of the trash and read it or take it into my head that I was going to read all of Shakespeare before I got to high school so I was a really annoying twelve-year-old and that kind of thing never really let up.

I don't know! I don't think it's that unusual and I think most people do this kind of thing I just happen to have less focus than a lot of people and talk a lot more.

[haunted-pool-noodle]

DISCLAIMER i have not worked my way through all the eris dialogue yet so if she says something that contradicts all of this uhh. ill explode or something idk

anyway i feel like eris and hypnos actually have the potential to become besties when you think about it! like at a glance it does not seem like they'd vibe (and maybe wouldn't for a while) but i absolutely think they could

they both stand out to me bc (and honestly are both my faves bc) they don't really follow the same adherence to rules and responsibility that p much every other god does, particularly in the nyx family. hypnos constantly slacks off at work in hades 1, and the only reason he starts putting in effort is basically bc he wants approval from than and nyx. eris criticizes mel all the time for being so uptight, as well as nyx and than for being such strict rule-followers. they could both really connect over having someone else who is similarly opposed to that workaholic mindset (worth noting for eris, she refers to than as "brother number i dont even know anymore" and specifically doesnt care about him bc he's uptight like everyone else iirc, so i think she'd really appreciate having someone in the fam who isn't that way)

also, like. yes eris can be pretty cruel to mortals but hypnos is also pretty callous towards them most of the time? like he's pretty comfortable with the topic of death (which does make sense, given his job) but he just doesn't take it very seriously at all, like with natural causes he's just like "wow! sucks to be a mortal lol." plus that whole bit when he just suggests that thanatos just kill everyone all at once so they can hang out more like his ass does not care 😭 so i dont think he'd really care about eris tormenting humans, and in turn i think she might really like someone finally just being chill about it rather than looking down on her basically for being strife. also she'd probably find it funny how nonchalant he can be abt this, and in turn hypnos would enjoy her particular brand of chaos lol

thematically though, part of eris' whole thing is about how she feels ostracized from the rest of the fam bc strife is literally in her nature, while hypnos is shunned bc of his constant sleeping. both are pushed out bc of their very natures. but where they differ is hypnos prioritizes his relationships to the rest of the family and is willing to fight against his nature in order to do his job at the House and thereby impress/appease nyx and than, restoring his relationships to them at the cost of his personal happiness. meanwhile eris believes in being true to herself above all else, and if that means severing ties, then so be it. she mentions at a few different points that she's not going to change her nature for what anyone else wants, and that they shouldn't be surprised at how she acts, given that she's literally strife incarnate (an argument I've seen plenty of people give wrt hypnos sleeping at the job while being sleep incarnate). i think if they interacted more they could actually learn a lot from each other and maybe both move closer to the middle of that spectrum

also hypnos is usually seen as the childish one throughout hades 1 but eris is specifically stated to be one of the youngest in the nyx family so i would love to see some older brother hypnos content 🙏

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

The Tragic Tale of Eurylochus, Orpheus And Not Looking Back.

Introduction

I need Hades Town and Epic fans to forgive me for what I'm about to write.

All I ask is that Eurylochus haters stay away cos this post is not to bash on Eurylochus.

So I haven't seen much of Hadestown but I know of the myth so when brainstorming for a Eurylochus God Games as part of a Eurylochus Lives au I pondered what would convince Persephone to let Eurylochus live and then I realised Assurance. Persephone needs assurance another Orpheus won't happen. If she lets Eurylochus live she needs assurance he won't be like Orpheus. She needs to know Eurylochus would look forward instead of back.

Then the Epic Writers sever inspired me more and I realised especially in Epic and Hadestown Eurylochus and Orpheus's tale share a lot of tragic similarities. Eurylochus and Orpheus are men who doubted, looked back and it then cost them everything.

I gotta say the Eurylochus and Orpheus parallels fascinate me more than Eurylochus and Odysseus swapping character arcs in Epic.

So let me elaborate on what I think makes Eurylochus and Orpheus so similar

Eurylochus and Orpheus's Doubt

We all know the myth. Hades promised Eurdice could return if Orpheus guided her out of The Underworld and didn't look back and it went well until at the Last Second Orpheus looked back. He wanted to protect his loved ones but let the doubt consume him. Sound familiar?

"Everything's changed since Polites."

"Let's see what you got."

"But Sir, it's too late."

"I don't want to see another life end."

What do all these lines have in common.

They're Eurylochus looking back at his mistakes. He opened the Windbag because he lost trust in Odysseus after he lost Polites in the cave. He immediately gives up when he realises his mistake of opening the windbag. Polyphemus's cave messes him up so badly that he doesn't want to lose anyone else. Orpheus didn't want to permanently lose Eurdice and Eurylochus didn't want to lose the men that had kept him sane for ten years.

Eurylochus like Orpheus is willing to get tasks done but when doubt creeps in its game over. Orpheus follows Hermes and Hades instructions yet still fails. Eurylochus stays loyal to Odysseus yet fails.

It's really heartbreaking to think about cos like how if Orpheus didn't look back. If Eurylochus listened to "I need you to always be devout and comply with this or we'll all die in this." then Mutiny would have ended differently. I understand Eurylochus though. Odysseus selfishly withheld Syclla from them and it cost them great friends.

However there was no other way cos Odysseus had doomed them with Poseidon so to him six men was better then all of them. You should have told them Ody.

Back on topic. If Eurylochus is Orpheus who is his Eurdice. Simple Ctimene. In Horse and The Infant Odysseus promises his men that if they do what he saids they'll see their wives and children again. Odysseus is Eurylochus's Hades. All though not a good bargin Odysseus promised Eurylochus he'd see Ctimene if he obeyed. Hades promised Orpheus, Eurdice would be free if he didn't look back.

"Don't make me fight you brother, you know you'd have done the same."

Odysseus is wrong here. Eurylochus has swapped roles with Odysseus to the point the crew have become his Eurdice. Metaphorically the crew represent all of Eurylochus's doubts.

Like the chorus do for Orpheus in Hadestown who are his subconscious.

"Show her the way."

Eurylochus was never gonna survive because he learned from Polites and Odysseus and tried to be kinder. Orpheus was never gonna get Eurdice cos he was destined to look back out of love and concern.

When Eurylochus looks back he does it for the same reason. He's concerned for his crew and even though hunger got them into this mess through Polyphemus's cave he still does it.

Now let's get back to the ending of this heartbreaking myth. Orpheus holds Eurdices hand but then at the last minute looks back. It's so sad and inevitable. Hades from experience tells Orpheus to not looks back but he does.

"Please don't tell me your about to do what I think you'll do."

Odysseus is Hades in this situation. Polyphemus's Cave and Poseidon has taught him he needs to be Ruthless but also the cost of pissing off other Gods. He realises he was doomed the moment he killed that sheep in Polyphemus's Cave and Eurylochus is about to damn them all again by killing The Sun Gods cattle.

Orpheus wanted to protect Eurdice but he caused her doom.

Eurylochus wanted to protect the crew but ended up causing their doom. Odysseus was never gonna save them.

So yeah those are my thoughts summarised.

Conclusion

Once I see or listen to the orginal Hadestown soundtrack I need to do a Eurylochus reincarnates into Orpheus fanfiction for the double angst. Could you imagine Odysseus seeing Eurylochus repeat the same mistakes.

Eurylochus deserves so much more love as his character is way more complex then you make him out to be.

Thanks to The Epic Writing discord cos this turned out more angsty then I intended.

Epic is awesome 👌🏼.

Again for give me, I'm just an enby who's trying to brainstorm ideas.

Don't look back friends and don't kill God's cattle.

-Melody-

They/Them

[writeforfandoms]

Island 2

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More conversations are had, plans are made, and you all make a run for another drop. Of course, things don't always go smoothly.

Warnings: Swearing, intense emotions, reader has Issues, canon typical violence, shooting at dinosaurs, blood, death (dinosaurs only), playing fast and loose with Ark mechanics.

Word count: 2.5k

Eventual Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x f!reader

All four of them helped you carry in the meat and berries, and you showed them where you kept everything. It took longer to pluck the dodos, leaving the feathers in a large basket. Gaz took over that for you, and you stood in the middle of the house for a minute, hands on your hips. 

“Taming really isn’t a day two topic,” you said, shaking your head a little. “But. Oh well.” You breathed in deep, fingers tapping against your hip. “Obviously you lot have seen Bessie and Watermelon. Taming creatures is generally not hard, but it is a process. The herbivores are the easiest, you just find their favorite berries and feed ‘em until they like you.” You paused there and then sighed. “You kind of have to take all of this with a grain of salt, because none of this makes sense. I just knew when Bessie was tame, same way I just know that hyaenadon will be ready to come in tomorrow. I didn’t have to train Bessie, she just knows.” You shrugged. 

“So, what, you just feed things until they follow you home?” Gaz didn’t look up from the dodo he was plucking. 

“I mean, with herbivores, yeah. And a few carnivores, like the hyaenadons. But most carnivores are much more dangerous.” You shook your head. “I’m honestly amazed Tom was able to tame Ripper. Raptors are dangerous and they’re pack hunters.”

“So how did he tame it?” Price crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Nuh uh.” You pointed a threatening finger at him. “Nope. Week two. Survive that long and I’ll teach you.” 

His eyes gleamed and he tipped his head to look down at you. “Fine.” 

“Are we goin’ for the green drop?” Soap asked as he finished piling meat in the preserving bin. 

“Haven’t decided. The closer you get to the mountain, the more dangerous the creatures are.” You shrugged, turning away to check your berries. You needed to do something with some of them. More hard biscuits, probably. Especially considering how many Gaz had eaten. “Gaz, let me know when you’re done with those dodos.”

“Will do.” He sneezed as a feather tried to drift up his nose, making Soap laugh at him. You just rolled your eyes. Children. 

The rest of the day passed in more or less easy work. Gaz picked up how to get the most meat off the birds quickly, only grumbling when Soap interrupted him. Ghost had vanished outside again, which you decided was Not Your Problem. Price had studied the map for a bit and then started poking around. 

It was not the same kind of quiet that you’d grown accustomed to since Jasper got killed. But it was quiet, mostly. 

Gaz helped you with dinner, which was good, because you weren't used to cooking for five. 

Dinner was quiet too. This time, Soap grabbed the dishes before you could, leaving you inside with Gaz and Price. Gaz stepped outside as well. 

Lovely. 

"You haven't searched for a way out?" Price asked, leaning back in his chair, hands folded together over his stomach. 

"I never said that," you shot back, a little annoyed. "Of course I have. Everyone has. And nobody's done it. This place is a fucking death trap." 

He was quiet for a few moments, watching you. You looked away first. 

"Forgive me if I don't believe there's no way out," he drawled.

You waved a hand. "Believe what you want," you muttered. "You'll figure it out." 

He blew out a breath. "What else do we need to learn?"

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. "More about taming, later," you said. "Weapons you seem to know. We need to go through berries and edible plants, of course. Basic repairs. Basic building. Creature identification. Things to avoid at all costs." You shrugged. 

Price nodded, still relaxed in his chair, still watching you. "You haven't given up yet."

You tensed. "What?"

"You're still here. Still alive." His lips quirked in an almost-smile. "Much as you insist this place is a death trap, you haven't resigned yourself to it. Not fully. Else you wouldn't have survived this long." 

You stared at him for a few long moments, lips parted, eyes wide. Your heart beat hard and fast in your chest, the same feeling the last time you'd come across a raptor. 

You slammed out of the house before you knew what you were doing, walking fast away from that train wreck. He wasn't even entirely wrong - there was still that tiny glimmer of wondering, that tiny what if.

More than that, though, you were mad he had read you so easily. You weren't used to that. Maybe it was all the time you'd spent alone, or the lack of emotional intelligence from Jasper. 

Either way, you probably could have reacted better. 

“Love?” 

You startled a little at the nickname and half-turned to look at Gaz. The bastard had snuck up on you. “Hm?” 

“You alright?” He took a slow step closer, hands twitching at his side.

“Yes, of course.” You breathed in, swallowing hard. “You lot got the dishes done already? Gonna have to find more things for you to do before you get bored.” 

“Don’t worry about that,” Gaz murmured, taking another step closer. “We’re good at keeping ourselves busy.”

“Hm. Even so.” You turned away from him to fuss with one of Bessie’s saddle bags. “Nice having help, definitely makes the chores go faster. If that green drop is still there tomorrow maybe we’ll go find it. Green drops usually have better stuff in them.” 

“Yeah? Anything you want in particular?” He stepped around you so he could see your face again, leaning against the fence. 

“Wouldn’t mind getting a shotgun,” you admitted on a sigh. “And boots. I would kill for boots.” 

You both looked down at your current pair, which were in poor repair by now. And too big for you. 

“See what you mean,” Gaz murmured. “Well, we can check tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You breathed out again. “Long as there aren’t raptors along the way.”

“There a lot of them around here?” 

“Not usually.” You shifted your weight, finally giving up on messing with the saddle bags to mirror Gaz’s posture. “Get a little further up into the mountains, though, and there are all kinds of things. Raptors, sabertoothed cats, carnotaurus. Even rexes, if we’re really unlucky.” 

“Sounds like everything wants to eat us.” But he was still relaxed, smiling a little.

“You joke, but you’re right.” You shook your head. “There are so many things on this island that want to eat you. So many.” You shivered as the memory of screams echoed in your mind. 

He frowned, hand settling on your shoulder. "It's alright, love," he murmured. "There are five of us, now. And you've got experience. We'll manage." 

You leaned into his hand, swallowing convulsively. It had been… a long time since you'd had human contact. A long time. "You're right." You breathed in deep, trying to wrangle your emotions back under control. "We'll be okay." 

He smiled at you, warm and confident. "I know you don't know us yet," he said, shifting closer to you, brown eyes holding yours. "But we keep each other safe, and we'll do the same for you." 

You shook your head a little, smiling even as you pulled back. "Don't worry about me," you demurred. "Focus on yourselves at first. I know what I'm doing." One deep breath in and you stepped back. "Come on, we should go set up for bed." 

He nodded, motioning for you to go first. You breathed in deep before you went inside, scooping up the basket of glow crystals. 

The evening was quiet. Gaz helped you set up, and ended up sitting near you for a little while. 

"Think you're gonna name the hyaenadon?" He asked, glancing at you. 

"Oh, probably." You smiled a little. "Dunno what yet." 

He nodded, relaxing next to you. "Think it'll be right around here?" 

"I hope so." You chuckled. "Or maybe it'll find us when we go to the green drop." 

He nodded and watched as Soap and Ghost came back in too, settling down for the night. 

"You should get some sleep," you murmured to him. He was close, you could touch him. You could. It wouldn't be weird. Your gaze settled on his hand, a nice, innocent spot. "Gonna be a long day." 

"Sleep well." Gaz hesitated another moment longer before he pushed up to his feet. You watched him go.

You should have touched his hand. 

Annoyed at yourself now, you retreated to your own bed for the night. You needed to take your own advice, especially if you were leading them off to the green drop. 

Huffing to yourself, you curled up on your side with your back to them. 

It took you a long time to sleep.

Gaz helped you with breakfast the next morning, standing a little closer than he needed to. But you didn't mind. 

And then Soap crowded in on your other side, and you eyed the both of them. This felt distinctly like pranks, or something. Mischief. 

But nobody got into trouble through breakfast. Thankfully. 

It didn't take long to get armored up again, and you grabbed another piece of meat for the hyaenadon. 

“We'll take Watermelon today,” you said, glancing around at them. “He'll be good help.” 

“How so?” Gaz asked, sidling closer to you. 

“These guys are good as watch towers. They're kinda paranoid, and they alert at any sign of danger.” You shrugged, walking over to the paddock. “Hey, Watermelon. Hi cutie boy.” You held out a hand, smiling as the parasaur plodded happily over to you. “Good boy,” you cooed. 

“Big dinosaur,” Soap muttered, shifting his weight. “Ye sure it'll help?”

“Saved my ass before,” you said with a shrug. “Okay, come on. Let's get going.” You whistled for Watermelon to follow. 

The walk up to the green drop was longer than you liked, and you were on alert the entire walk. So was Watermelon, ambling behind you all and looking around constantly. 

Watermelon bleated in alarm, and you halted, gun up, scanning for the threat. 

But the only thing to approach was the hyaenadon. 

“Okay,” you breathed. “Do not shoot my hyaenadon.” You glanced back at the men to make sure they were listening. Price nodded once, so you tucked your weapon away and approached the hyaenadon. Handing over the last piece of meat was easy, and the hyaenadon wagged as it ate. She licked her lips and then sat politely in front of you, jaws parted in a canine grin. 

“Good.” You patted her on the top of her head, ruffling her fur. “Okay, come with us.” You whistled and she trotted happily along with you as you rejoined the others. 

“Done?” Price asked, glancing down at the hyaenadon. 

“Yeah. She's all tamed now.” You breathed in deep. “Alright, let's get going again.” 

You took the lead again. A quick glance back showed Soap and Ghost both giving your newest tame a good berth. But Gaz looked curious. 

Eh. You'd deal with any questions later. 

You paused at the top of a rise, looking across the flat land towards the green drop. This was a potentially dangerous area. So far all looked quiet, and the pair of pachys roaming the flat area were a good sign. 

Hopefully all would stay quiet. 

“Alright. The drop is just up there.” You glanced back at them, a little surprised to see them all already watching you. “We’re going to approach slowly. If you see anything, speak up. I've seen raptors up here before.” 

They all nodded, and you took the lead to the drop. Watermelon looked around anxiously, but stayed quiet. Probably a good sign. 

You popped open the crate, peering inside. Some armor pieces that looked too big for you, ammunition, another assault rifle, two more canteens, and… a pair of boots. 

“Hell yes,” you hissed, picking up the boots immediately. They looked like they might be a little too big, but you had extra cloth you could shove into them. Good enough. 

Gaz helped you get everything into the saddle bags, grinning when he spotted your boots. “Finally, eh?” he murmured. 

“Finally,” you agreed with an easy grin. “Alright, let’s–”

Watermelon bleated, lifting his head and looking to one side. You turned, pistol in hand, scanning the tree line.

“Raptors,” you hissed, eyes narrowing, even as you stepped forward, all too aware of the men behind you. “Fuck I hate raptors.” 

“How many?” Price asked, closer than you expected. 

“At least three.” You tracked one pacing at the edge of the trees, dark green skin blending into its surroundings. “They’re fast, be careful.” 

The first one burst from the trees with a screech, two others flanking it. You aimed for the leader, jaw tight as you timed your shots. Blood bloomed against the dark green, bright and almost startling in the sunlight. 

The leader fell, jaws still open even in death. You huffed in satisfaction. 

One of the other two leapt over the leader’s body with a screech, claws extended towards you. 

And then fell just shy of you from a shot to the eye, bleeding sluggishly. 

Your breath escaped in an unsteady whoosh, hands trembling even as you reloaded your pistol. “Nice shot,” you managed, voice more or less even, gaze still fixed on the corpse. 

“You alright?” Gaz stepped up next to you, one hand hovering near your shoulder.

“Fine.” You forced your gaze to him, plastering on a smile, even if it felt wrong. “Not the first time raptors have ambushed a drop.” You did a quick visual inspection of him before looking at the others. “Everyone okay?”

“All fine,” Price said, glancing between you and Gaz. “No injuries.”

“Good.” One more deep breath and you shoved everything down. You didn’t have room to break, to panic, to cry. Not here. “Right, let’s head back, I don’t want to see if that noise attracted anything around us.” 

The walk back to base was quiet, with all of you on high alert. The hyaenadon trotted next to you, ears perked, listening to everything around you.

You were very, very grateful that nothing came for the group of you. You were even more relieved when you closed the gates behind everyone, once again safely in base. 

“Let’s get this lot unloaded,” you said, swallowing against sudden exhaustion. “And then figure out dinner.”

“You alright?” Gaz asked softly, standing next to you to unload the armor while you grabbed your new boots. “Your hands are shaking.”

“I’m fine,” you lied with a quick smile. “Nothing to worry about. Go on, head in with those, I’m going to get Watermelon settled.”

Gaz shot you one more worried look before he obeyed, falling into step next to Price. 

Your hands didn’t stop shaking, even as you took off Watermelon’s saddle and got him settled in the paddock with Bessie again. 

You stood outside for a few extra minutes, hidden from sight of the building, just breathing. You hadn’t lost anybody today. You hadn’t lost anybody today. 

You’d make sure you didn’t lose anybody tomorrow.

[alchemie-tarot]

How To Walk Your Talk

Hello! It’s been a while. I felt like this slightly ambitious (for me) pick-a-card topic needed a ton of energy and discernment to execute, and so I really took my time with it. I intended it for Aries season but, oh well... Look, another fire season Leo is just around the corner!

Take a breath. Feel free to choose the pile/s that call out to you. Some details may not make the mark and that’s natural, since this is a general reading. Please don’t take it too seriously as well. Nothing is set in stone. My objective has always been to channel messages that may help its readers in any way.

Yes, these are more sunset pictures from my sunset photography cache.

Pile 1

Cards: 5 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Death, 8 of Wands, Page of Cups, 10 of Wands, 7 of Pentacles

Your Talk is about overcoming conflict with other people. You’re proud of being able to defend yourself at all costs, from those who “attack” you and don’t believe in you, in particular. When you do, there’s a winner takes all kind of feeling. Proving yourself against any kind of criticism is a win. You definitely are not one to hold back and, if worse comes to worst, you can cut deep if you feel like you need to.

You think that this is the way to prioritize yourself. The way to show yourself love. It doesn’t seem to matter to you if you end up not having a lot of intimate ties because of this. You believe that the worst betrayal is the betrayal of your own self. 

I think this Talk of yours usually comes out when it has all been said and done. Something about you making sure you have the last word. You may wait to strike when the other party has their guard down. You may also want your Talk to have a potent and instantaneous effect on its listener. You tend to make sure there’s no room for them to say more, to potentially dismiss or disprove you. You’ll cut the conversation if you have to. 

What you may not realize is that this hurts your objective either way. Yes, you’re an advocate of yourself, but this behavior makes them see you as a “child” who doesn’t really seem to know what they’re saying and thinks little of consequences.

Under this bravado of yours, I sense an expectation to be understood. It may be that a part of you hopes that someone with an x-ray vision meets you with empathy, instead of the dismissal or outright opposition you know so well. Sometimes, other people’s emotions simply do not run as deeply and strongly as yours. What matters to you may be something they don’t personally read too much meaning into. 

Pile 1, your Talk seems to be taking a toll on you more than you would like to admit. This kind of vigilance is a lonely burden to carry. Do not get me wrong, though, it has paid off somehow when you learned to protect yourself. You’re impenetrable, but at what cost? You leave out the potential good that can touch you in significant ways.

Spirit urges you to put the sword down for a bit and look around you. You can’t make the most out of your life by always being on the defense. To truly Walk your Talk, you need to uncover the root cause of all this defensiveness. Do you think that being alone is worth turning away the compassion that you can receive? Is that what you really want? Continuing down this path will only push that possibility further away. 

Try to look over everything that you have gone through so far, but with curiosity to understand rather than a restless need to justify. I hear a suggestion, to redefine your boundaries. Take a rest, too, Pile 1, I believe you really need it. It will all pay off either way, but there is room for grace that may benefit you more than you could imagine.

Pile 2

Cards: 7 of Cups, 10 of Wands, 2 of Wands, The Hanged Man, 8 of Wands, The Emperor, Death

You think that daydreams get in the way of real life. Fantasy is a way to escape responsibilities and that it ultimately ends up being a burden since it’s technically not really a “way to live.” You think having too many choices is more inconvenient than it is exciting. Most of them are simply distractions, temptations to veer off course. 

You may be a really pragmatic person for the most part. For some, though, I see that you are not necessarily repulsed by the rose-tinted perspective, but that this kind of ambition is too much work to actualize. It’s something that would force you to choose between what is necessary and what is ideal. Grounded, longer term goals are more important to you, anyway. Not letting yourself get carried away is an act of bravery to face reality.

I sense that you’re surrounded by people who don’t really agree with your way of thinking. Perhaps a lot of the people around you have quite lofty dreams and, maybe at times, have too much faith in their abilities. You may think that they could learn a thing or two about staying in one’s lane. On the other side of that, they may think that you’re self-righteous and quick to judge. They see you as a person of action and laser focus in your own right, but your Talk about achieving such goals suffers because, well…some goals are idealistic and unlikely by nature. That’s what makes them goals! 

As far as it goes, you seem to be really Walking your Talk. To a tee, in fact. A little too firmly, perhaps, to the point where you may be getting complacent. 

Something you should know about this Emperor's energy that you have is that, no matter how strictly the Emperor follows a certain system, he would still strive for something beyond him. Why would he need to stick to the current reality if it could be changed and improved? With his power and position, why not seek what would commonly be thought of as “impossible”? What is good, and for good, is always worth a try.

There can be more than logic to make the most out of the goals we form– a touch of compassion on yourself and your circumstances can truly transform those goals into more than ticks off a to-do list, you know? Instead of resisting changes in plans, welcome them as a potential channel for breakthroughs. Even if they entail a little imagination from your part to materialize. Nothing wrong with letting yourself dream a little, Pile 2.

Pile 3

Cards: The Hermit, King of Cups, 8 of Cups, The Star, Justice, The Sun, The Empress

You keep this Talk mostly to yourself. You’re in quite a period of serious introspection, Pile 3. Gathering strength and gaining inner wisdom. You want to master yourself: your inner workings, your emotions, your psyche, the subconscious– and you believe that this is the way. You’re trying to find balance by going within and spending time with yourself. 

You carry out this Talk in the times you walk away from things you determine no longer serve you. Things you don’t see developing positively or going anywhere. Leaving behind those spilled and empty cups. For now you have been withdrawing a lot on an intentional and well-meant level. To be honest, the Talk here is Not Talking, and so it manifests that way… through silence. Focusing on what you would like to move ahead towards.

You want people to see this as what it is: your way of healing. You want to be seen as someone taking their time at the moment. There’s a factor of distance, the not wanting to be disturbed by outside energy. Minimizing your availability. This is all about you right now. There is also something about  finding yourself that you may have lost connection with at an earlier point. You want to achieve that peace and somehow let that energy seep through and act as its own protective barrier.

And you know what? The people around you believe that you are undergoing what you rightfully need. They see and understand what you’re trying to do. You have their support, and many are even cheering you on from afar. This is such a positive message, Pile 3! They believe it’s a victory in itself to see you in the process of bouncing back. The way you are holding everyone, including yourself, accountable for the things that should be so. They think that events are finally turning in your favor.

Getting The Sun for asking how your Walk looks right now is really one of the best things I have seen for this pick-a-card. It is so lovely to see that this is making you happy. I am happy for you, too! If you’re not quite there yet, trust that you will be. You will find that light you’ve been seeking in the dark depths of yourself that you bravely traversed. I’m telling you, what a shining light it is that you will find. You’re genuinely finding your way back to your inner child. Keep going and they will have more blessings to give you.

If you are feeling up for it, Spirit offers that you can take it up a notch by exploring more ways to nurture your soul. I see letting your imagination expand, creating things with your hands, pampering your body. Whatever has happened, Pile 3, know that it’s not too big for you to overcome. Your Walk is such a profound journey to a revival… You’re very close to experiencing the fruits of your labor. Sending you my warmth, Pile 3!

Pile 4

Cards: Death, Ace of Swords, 8 of Pentacles, 6 of Wands Rx, 5 of Cups, The Hanged Man, The Star

Change starts in your head. Change starts from within. Your Talk is giving me coach or counselor vibes, mostly of the spiritual kind. You may have gone through a major life event at some point in your life, however it applies to you. This may have pushed you then to speak about these major, life-changing events. You think that they are opportunities to grow. Signs to cultivate a new mindset. The best way to ride with it is to be sharp and alert, and to fight with all your might.

You seem to be quite methodical and stubborn about it. I hear you could have catchphrases of some sort, along the lines of “everything happens for a reason,” or that “you can get through anything if you just tried and worked hard enough.” Like I said, you may have experienced such events in your life already and it seems like you’ve seen enough to point out certain patterns. You developed a sense of anticipating how long something may last, where it is likely to lead, what’s next, etcetera. 

You want others to see how humbled you are because of these experiences. You want to gain their support, partly because you feel that it solidifies the validation of your Talk. Here’s the thing, though: the insistence of your experiences have been rubbing some people off the wrong way. You’ve been taking your narrative to an unclear length. It’s not your bravery and openness that they have reservations about, but the fact that it’s starting to sound like a broken record. At the end of your anecdotes, what message does it all lead to? Some are getting the impression that you’re stuck in some way with that period in your life instead of presenting solutions or forward steps to move on from it.

I think you see yourself as a champion for these life-changing experiences, to the point where your way of expressing or living out the empowerment you preach seems like an effect of the hold it still has on you. Deep down, you may feel some level of uncertainty to step out from its familiarity. Where were you supposed to go next? Maybe a part of you is also wondering, is this all I'm ever gonna be talking about and be known for?

I can’t help but notice the comparison of the cards Death and The Star: Death, clad in armor, and The Star, shining in their nakedness. Spirit urges you to take off that armor. You don’t have to justify yourself anymore. It won’t always be a battle. Yes, what happened has happened, and it has affected you deeply. It helped you be stronger as a person, but you have to realize that you’re still wielding it in a way. You can’t truly move on even if you simply turned the weapon around– you’re still holding it. There comes a point where you have to take it out of your hands.

Your Talk will become more potent and natural that way. You will find a calm about yourself and this Walk will draw you the support that you need and deserve.

Pile 5

Cards: Ace of Cups, Justice, The Fool, Judgment, 7 of Wands, Knight of Pentacles, The Devil

All is fair in love and war is the first thing I heard. This is seriously your Talk. You’re a go-getter, especially the emotional, creative, watery kind. Not just a go-getter, but a kind of rule-breaker, too. You focus your sights far, far ahead. I’m seeing that you don’t really read too much or think too deeply into most things. When something catches your attention, you just take it and make a run for it, I’m hearing. What an interesting Talk.

You want people to realize how awakened you feel and how liberating it feels in general to be in that mindset. You want people to see how many paths and options it opens up for them. To you, even though it sounds contrary, it actually narrows down and leads to what you really want– and then absolutely taking it at all costs. You see this as a road to inner wisdom and taking responsibility for one's own life. You think this is a primal kind of behavior and it’s only natural to give in to it as humans.

However, people mostly just see that you’re setting yourself up to be in a constant, if not lifelong, struggle. They think you’re too high up in your worldview and that you could be taken down a notch. Even if they won’t necessarily call you out or actively try to humble you, they believe there will always be something or someone to challenge you, and that it’s not really a worthwhile thing to keep up forever. 

As far as it’s going right now, your Talk is coming to be your Walk, quite naturally. As chaotic as this mindset is perceived, there is a diligent and grounded way that you’re implementing it. You really believe in its value and it shows in your actions. Not much can shake you about it, I see.

In order to achieve your wants and goals in the best way, Spirit urges you to take some time to look at your shadow. Try to take a look if you’re acting out fully aligned with those goals, or are you simply carried away from the addictive feeling it brings? There’s a benefit to taking everything with a sense of moderation, no matter how you choose to live your life. Is there something deep-seated that you ought to acknowledge, that instead of giving you that “freedom” it could actually be a kind of blockage? Do you really believe that these are the rules of the world or did you impose them on yourself? Reevaluate what freedom is to you.

Pile 6

Cards: Queen of Pentacles, 8 of Wands, 3 of Swords, Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords, Page of Swords, Knight of Cups

You believe that financial stability and reaching certainty in physical comfort are easy come, easy go. One should always be maximizing their time to be productive. Opportunities shouldn’t be wasted and the only things worth aligning with are those that lead to this state of living. Anybody you encounter is a potential for your network. There is no time for sitting back. You should always be ready. Go past or eradicate anything and everything standing in your way.

While your Talk is one that is supposed to be motivating by nature, the way you deliver it seems imbued with an element of fear. “Do this or leave yourself vulnerable. Hardships eventually catch up, so you better keep on moving.” I think you may be one to say that no matter how secure one is, one shouldn’t be chilling out too much. It can easily be lost in a blink of an eye.

You want to be seen as someone who means well and is only doing everything they do to help. You want to be seen as an embodiment of your Talk: always on the move and, for some reason I heard, looks cool while doing it. Willing to do whatever it takes.

Others see that your Talk is clouding quite a bit of your actual vision of it. They do see that you do not give up easily. Your directness is admirable, if not a little bound to the notion of having to always be on the next thing after finishing the previous. You look so far ahead you’re practically living in the future than the present. You’re also hardly paying full attention to the things you currently have, born from all the hard work you’ve put in.

Well, you seem to be using a lot of your words at the moment, I hear. Talking and talking. To people with like-minded goals, and to yourself? I'm getting that it’s because you feel quite flighty at the moment. Are you okay? When was the last time you took a breath? There’s a bit of anxious, running-on-fumes energy. You seem to be highly inspired, though. Bursting with ideas, in fact. For now, these plans mostly stay as plans.

Like all things, balance helps with feeling stable within yourself. Spirit urges you to get in touch with your emotions at the moment. Access what’s behind that flighty energy. You have the goals, the plans, and the direction. What you lack right now is a sense of being grounded enough not to run yourself ragged. Intuition plays a big role in this– yours wants to tell you something. It also won’t hurt to learn how to handle things, especially yourself, with more grace and compassion. Appreciate your ideas as themselves and not just a means to go somewhere else. It’s okay to not think about the goods right now. Think about what genuinely fills your cup.

Thank you for interacting with this post of mine. Always take care of yourself. 💜✨

[abbyslev]

𝑪𝑳𝑶𝑺𝑬𝑹- 𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬 𝑿 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹

A/N: here’s a stupid idea i’ve had in my brain for a min and i FINALLY finished it! also don’t mind typos or anything, slightly tipsy rn. (dont drink tequila and vodka and use beer as a chaser??? EVER ???) anyway, enjoy enjoy😊👍🏼 my trip is so good currently like you guys i’ve never been so happy :(

WARNINGS: thigh riding, eating out, praise (IS THAT BAD IDFK 🤯), lots of kissing, fingering and whatever else i added in here idk i cant think rn 🤷🏻

You set your coffee down, eyebrows furrowing. “Problem?” Erwin looked up, eyes searching your stressed face. 

     “Yeah, uhm, just some bio homework. I really regret taking this fucking class.” You laugh, spinning your computer around to show him. His eyebrows raised, pushing your computer back to you. Levi approached you two, handing Erwin his food and placing your sandwich beside your drink. He read it over your shoulder before scoffing and sitting down next to Erwin. “Thank you.” He mumbled to Levi before kissing his hand. You scrunch your nose up, making a gagging noise. “In public is crazy.” You tease them with a smile. 

          “How am I supposed to figure this out?” You slap your hands on your face, dragging them down. “Your fault for choosing that class for extra credit.” Levi chuckled. “Shut up.” You roll your eyes. The three of you always met up at the library to study a lot, and today was one of those days. Unlucky for you, you were learning some pretty hard stuff, and had a hard time understanding it. It was starting to stress you out. “Just leave it for another day, email your professor and tell them to explain it better.” Erwin looked up from his computer, meeting your stressed eyes.

        “Hiya, everyone! Oooh, is that stem cells and the tissue formation process?” They leaned over, taking a glance at your computer. You perk up, meeting their excited eyes. “Yeah, do you know anything about it?” You question, watching as they set all their stuff down. They pull up a chair, sitting beside you. “Now you got them riled up.” Levi scoffed. “Oh shut up.” You sigh. “This is one of my favorite topics, since there's so many theories around it and the things that actually happen, which is why it's considered one of the harder topics. I passed this section with an easy 100.” Hange smiled.

         “Do you think you could help me? I can pay you!” You smile. “There's no need! I can help you anytime, you just text me the time and place.” Hange seemed fine on the outside, but on the inside they were exploding. Hange met you through Levi and Erwin. You guys lived next to each other and you hung out with Erwin and Levi a lot. Hange had some lengthy conversations with you but they never hung out with you one on one. This was a big step for them. Levi bumped Erwins elbow, eyeing you two. 

      “That would be great!” You pulled out your phone, allowing them to put in their number.  “What do you study?” You look up at them, admiring their excited brown eyes. “Biology!” they answer with a huge smile. You two engulf yourself in a conversation, completely forgetting the time. It wasn't until Erwin lightly tapped your shoulder, showing you his phone. “Oh, thanks.” You smile. 

         You two pack up your stuff, following Erwin and Levi out. “They’re so cute.” Hange points at their hands. Erwin had clasped him against Levi’s, leading him towards the car. “Did you need a ride home?” Hange turned to you, smiling. “I usually ride with them, but i don't mind riding with you if it's not a bother.” You smile. “Of course not!” Hange lead you to their car. “I’ll meet you guys later!” You called towards the two. “Sounds good.” Erwin waved, but gave Levi that knowing look. Hange opened your door, smiling. A certain item caught your eye.

       Hange had a frog plush sitting on their dash. “Where did you get this? Do you know what rare item you hold?” You slowly turn to them as they turn on the car. “Oh, yes. Do you know how much that cost me?” They push up their glasses before pulling off to your apartment. They played quiet music on the way back, occasionally cracking a joke or pointing something out. 

        They pull to a stop, unlocking the doors. “Thank you so much, I owe you lunch tomorrow! Do you just want to come over? It's gonna be crowded tomorrow.” You grab your bag and cup, turning to them. “Oh! Sure!” They nod quickly. “Sweet. Drive safe.” You close their door and wave, before walking inside. You peek out your window to see that they had only started driving off. They waited for you to get inside your apartment. You slap a hand over your mouth, screaming. You run to your bed, kicking your feet and squealing. God, you felt like you were a teenage girl with her first crush. 

        You always admired hange from afar. You had a math class with them last semester and you occasionally talked to them when Levi and Erwin were around, but never alone. You shook with excitement, too excited to do anything else. Hange was perfect in every way and now they were going to help you? You thanked yourself for keeping calm in front of them. You got up, heading to the shower. You had no idea how you were going to go to bed with this much excitement.

-

        You deep cleaned your apartment, and it felt like you were overdoing everything. A knock echoed through your home. You opened the door, smiling. 

          Hange had many books and a bag of food in their hand. “Come on in.” You smile, moving aside. “You can sit on the dinner table.” “Thanks!” They sit down. You join the, pulling out your computer. “You didn't have to get me anything!” You shake your head as they slide a bagel towards you. “Want anything to drink?” You offer. “A water is fine!” You stood up, grabbing two bottles from the fridge. You hand them one, sitting back down. 

       “So, where do you want to start?” They lean over to see your computer. “Here,” You pint. “Thats where we have to start, but its hard to understand it, i cant find theories in out book so i cant understand it.” You sigh. Hange opened a book up, trying to find a section. Their eyebrows furrowed, pushing their glasses up. “Oh! Here it is. This book practically answers everything youre looking for!” Hange slides the book over. 

        It had been a couple hours, and neither of you could explain how you ended up like this. You typed your last paragraph as Hange was above you, arms on either side of you and chin on top of your head. You two spent hours figuring stuff out, and even getting to know eachother. You typed the last sentence bewfore leaning back into their chest, groaning.

“Finally!’ You hit submit, stretching you neck. “See? That wasnt so bad!” Hange smiled. “Not for you!” You joked. “Thanks a lot for that, in really needed it. We have about three more assignments until the final quiz, if you want to help me with those too id be down!” You turn to look at them. It took all your might to not stare at their arms. In the hours of studying, Hange had taken off their flannel, leaving them in their black tank top and sweatoants. 

       “Sure! You just let me know and i can help.” They smile. After cleansing up and making sure they werent forgetting anything, they said their goodbyes and went on their way.

_

FIVE WEEKS LATER

          In the time that had passed, Hange and you had become close, inseparable you could say. The two of you did everything together. It had went from tutoring sessions to hangouts and eventually sleepovers. Erwin and Levi had caught on pretty quick, thanks to Hanges rants about you.  

       Levi handed Hange their food, sitting in front of them. “Levi, you have no idea how cute they are! LIke the way they caught on so quick asnd now they understand more than they could! And they got us this lego set to build, and we had pizza after! So good. And they did my hair too, doesnt it look so kuch softer?” Hange went on and on, their face turning red and eyes sparkling with excitement. Levi raised a brow, drinking his tea. “So youre in love with them?” Levi spat out. “Wha- no! Levi, that’s my friend! Nothing more.” Hange huffed, rolling their eyes. 

            From then on, Levi and Erwin kept an eye on you two. It was the small details that they had caught onto. You wore Hange’s favorite flannel, you always had a hair tie on your wrist if Hange ever needed one, Hange always carried your favorite chapstick and favorite gum. They started to form their own theories about you two. 

        Hange had woken up nervous, today was your big day! You finally had your big test on the things they had helped you study with. They knew how it had been eating you inside, but you had gotten a perfect score on all your small quizzes, so you should nail this, right? Hange sent you a long, sweet message making sure that you were prepared and that you were going to crush the test. You replied back, making Hange squeal. They invited you to dinner afterwards, at their house. You two could bake cookies and watch movies after. You accepted, saying it would ease your nerves.

-

        Hours had passed, and Hange nervously chewed on their fingers. How long would it be until you texted them?

       Suddenly, their door burst open, you running in, shaking a paper everywhere and cheering. Hange stood up from the couch, watching you with a smile. “What is it?” Hange tried to calm you down, but you couldnt stop jumping everywhere. “What is it, lemme see!” Hange grabbed your wrist, trying to get ahold of the paper. A pair of lips met Hamge’s, catching them by surprise. Hange’s eyes closed slowly, hands on either side of your face. You dropped the papers, tangling your hands through their short, soft hair. You two pulled away from the kiss, breathing in for air.

      “I passed with a one hundred.” You smile. Hange’s mouth dropped, eyes meeting the paper on the floor. There it was, a big 100 in red pen. Hange turned to you, pulling you back in for another kiss. You happily kissed them back, smiling against their lips. Hange’s hands slid under your shirt, hands rubbing up and down your waist. You hold on to their arm, whimpering. 

     Hange pushed you against the couch softly without breaking this kiss. You push them back down, throwing your leg over them and straddling them. You pulled your shirt off, the cold air sending shivers down your spine. Hange placed a hand on your bare back, pushing your body closer. They kissed all over your chest, leaving you in a mess.

     You grind your hips against their lap, lips whispering their name. “Be patient.” Hange laughed against your shoulder. “But I deserve it, no?” You pulled back, hands on their side of their face, lips ghosting over theirs. “I’ll show you what you deserve.” They pushed your head towards them, kissing the corner of your mouth down to your jaw.

      “Mngh, fuck.” You unbutton their shirt, hands running up and down their soft stomach. Hange pulled off their shirt, lips busy on your neck. You dig your nails into their skin, sucking in a deep breath as they focus on that one spot. 

         Hange picked you up from their lap, laying you down on the couch. They straddled you, hands palming your chest. Your face scrunched up, lips trembling. Hange kissed down your stomach, eyes focused on your pretty face. 

         They pull down your sweatpants, pressing a wet kiss on your hip bone. “Hange, please.” You yank your pants off, your core aching for some attention. Hange traced shapes on your thighs, running their lips up and down your inner thigh. You bucked your hips foward, hands in their hair. 

       Hange pushed your hips down with force, nails digging into your skin. Seeing you all spread out like this, begging for them was all they could ever ask for. Their lips finally met your wet cunt. Your legs closed around their head, a loud moan leaving your lips. You covered your mouth, stomach caving with every stripe of their tongue. 

         Hange pulled your hand away, placing it on your chest. They squeezed your boob, before slowly trailing their hand down to your thighs. They pushed them up, giving them more access. They pushed two fingers in you, watching as your back arched, fingers trying to find a grip on something. 

        They started off slow, thumb playing with your clit. They rested their head on your thigh, kissing it softly. Their soft, brown eyes met yours, which fluttered with every move they made. Your cheeks were tinted pink and lips were swollen from you biting down on them. 

        “Such a good baby. You worked so hard.” Hange praised you, fingers starting to speed up. Your legs threatened to close at any second, but you tried with all your might to not let them. It felt as if you couldn’t control your body, you were being washed over with euphoria.

      “God fucking damn, Hange!” You manage to spit out. Hange replaced their thumb with their mouth, sending you to the edge. You run your hands through their hair, legs shaking. Hange goes faster, watching as your legs close around their head once again. You arch your back, uncontrollable mewls leaving your mouth. Hange pulls out their fingers, immediately licking you up. 

         “Fuckfuckfuck!” You slur out, eyes shutting closed. Hange cleans you up, holding your waist down again. They come back up to you, kissing you. You messily kiss them back, body too tired to do anything else. 

        They sit down beside you, pulling you back into their lap. It felt like your legs were going to give out at any moment. “Hange…so tired.” You lean into their chest, kissing their neck.  “One more, baby… just one more.” Hange kissed your lips. You slowly started moving your hips against their thigh, light whimpers leaving your mouth. 

      “That’s it, just like that.” Hange helped you, their large hands moving you back and forth. “You did so good. Im so proud of you.” Hange pressed a kiss against your forehead, down to your lips and then your jaw. You fastened your pace, ignoring the ache in your legs.

       Hange looked unreal. Their hair had gotten loose from its usual updo from you messing with it, cheeks were dusted with pink and their eyes were dark and lustful. Their glasses slid off their nose slowly, lips crashing against yours

       Their glasses fogged, making you giggle against their lips. Hange gripped the fat of your hips, crescent-like pink shapes marking your skin. They placed their mouth on your cheek, warm breath fawning your face. They sloppily kissed the edge of your mouth, brain too fuzzy to think of anything else. 

       “I love you so much.” Your hands were on either side of Hange’s face, eyes meeting theirs. Hange felt their heart swell, just a couple weeks ago they were daydreaming about you and now they had you into a moaning mess for them.

        “I love you so much more.” They kissed you hard, wanting to bring you impossibly closer. “Hange, fuck.” You repeated over and over again, legs shaking and fastening your pace. “That’s it.” Hange pushed your hair back, nose against your cheek. 

        Your fingernails dug into their back, curse words and Hange’s name slurring out of your mouth. Hange held the back of your head, other hand on your lower back, bringing you closer. “Fuck, just like that.” They kissed your neck.  You slowed down, feeling their stomach and back, eyes closed. 

      “Should’ve asked you for help sooner.” You said, out of breath. “Mm, I guess we just found a new stress reliever, though.” Hange laughed, kissing your lips. 

[moyazaika]

Professor.

One of the most disgusting things that exists in this world is the human mind. The human mind is the source of all bad things humans do, consciously and unconsciously. It’s where we have our darkest and most private thoughts. It’s also the place where we have our involuntary thoughts. The thoughts that you have, the ones that you disagree with, but still have because they are as true as your disagreeing ones.

I hated the college that I went to. Not because it was a bad one, it was one of the best, but because I was always surrounded by people who thought they were better than everyone else. People that would look at the “lower” colleges and think about how stupid those people must be if they only got into “that one”.  The teachers weren’t much better. No matter how much some of them try to deny it, they will always feel a sense of superiority compared to other college professors, because they work at this one. They also feel a sense of superiority over the students, which doesn’t go unnoticed by new arrivals. When you are new to a space, you go in more aware of what is going on. People that have studied there long enough get used to how people view them, or in this example how teachers view them. But new arrivals, they notice how the teachers always seem to have a hint of……well….as if they are speaking to a child when they speak to them. Making the new arrivals feel belittled. 

Humans can ignore a lot of things, but being belittled seems to always strike a nerve.

I never wanted to return to the campus. It’s a beauty to the eye and an annoyance to the mind. But business is business. If this could even classify as that.

They wanted me to work here. Despite my distaste for the school and most who stepped foot on it, I was a great student even for their high standards. Since a young age I’ve strived to always want to know more, but I wasn’t a young genius (a common lie teachers tell about me when they brag that I was in their class, no matter what grade).  I was smart, sure, but only when I applied myself, which wasn’t often. I only cared to study things I wanted to, anything else that I “needed” to study, well…I nearly failed a few grades. And the things I wanted to study were either not part of what we needed to study, or they were things teachers considered far too “advanced” for me. 

Looking back, I can’t blame them. Who would encourage a ten-year-old to learn a new language when they were failing the grammar of their first language?

My interests always revolved around the same things. I loved reading books, so I wanted to read as much as possible, meaning I knew a lot of random things. And despite what some self-proclaimed “educated” people say, reading fiction is actually quite good for you. It helps you be more empathetic, increases your vocabulary, and makes you understand people even more.

(The first one is quite useless if you plan to go to the same college as me. You’ll get stepped on like a cockroach by overly polished shoes that cost more than your rent if you act to nice and understanding. Fair warning.)

I know it sounds like I’m honking my own horn. “oh, look at me, I was smart as a kid but my teachers didn’t notice. I went to a top college and am an ungrateful bitch, wow”.

No. I hate that some people know that I have a good head on my shoulders. You can’t play dumb when you want to. You think too much when you are like that, too self-aware of what you are thinking and what that means.

I had that as a kid too. I was always hyper aware of people and what they were thinking. I had what some people would say an exceptionally high emotional intelligence from a young age. I could know exactly what someone was feeling from watching them, and I could guess what the cause what, even if I barely knew them. That always helped me in school a lot, avoiding fights, stopping fights, and getting on the good side of the scary people.

But I’m getting off topic.

Long life story short, I became a “genius”. I learned multiple languages for fun on my own time because that was what interested me. I wrote stories because that was what interested me. I studied languages and psychology because that was what interested me. I got into this college and did well when I applied myself. Well enough so that years later, when I did well with my books that they wanted me to do lectures.

I wanted no part in it. But my favorite teacher, Mrs. Welling, asked me personally to at least talk to Mr. Rossi. Mrs. Welling was the only teacher I liked past elementary. She is as old as the books in the library. Her skin is withered like the paper too. So, I came. It’s hard for me to say no when people that I actually like ask me to do something. Something I’m also hyper aware of.

…

I knocked on the door to his office, a little sign on the door with neat black font saying “Mr. Rossi”.

“Come in” I never met the dude, but I knew it was him, it was a male voice, and you could just hear from those two words alone what kind of person he was, and wanted to be. You could hear that he well educated and tried to seem even more educated. You could hear the hint of an accent that he desperately wanted to hide. You could also hear he was young, late twenties. Though I guess that last one it unfair since I already knew that about him. He was a new teacher to the school, and Mrs. Welling had told me about him in the letter she wrote (she’s one of those old women that send letters with pressed flowers from their personal garden).

I opened the door and looked around.

The entire room was made of wood. The walls were beautifully carved with dark wood, candles littered all around lighting up all the books on the shelves (all bound with leather or cloth, a professor would never dare have a modern looking book in their office). Despite the room having no windows it was well lit with all the candles. It smelled like, you guessed it, burning candles, paper, and……a cologne. I tried not to grimace at the smell. It smelled nice, but I never liked the smell of cologne when I didn’t expect it. I got used to it quickly.

It reminded me off all the other rooms in the school, not specifically from the layout, but the feel. The type of place you could go mad in if you were mentally well.

Mr. Rossi was sitting at his desk, smiling. He had dark brown hair that reached his shoulders, styled in a “messy way” that looked good. He had dark eyes with lashes that any woman would envy, and thick eyebrows. And sun-kissed skin, but not in the orange glowing way, the type that is dark and cold. Like the sun has touched his skin but not his soul. If I had to make a guess, he was Italian.

“You’re early, are you actually interested? Didn’t take you as the type to play hard to get and then seem interested.”

I looked at him with my usual expression, nothing. An expression that has protected me from all the wolf in sheep’s clothing at this school.

“No, I just hate being late, and the sooner I get this over with the sooner I can work on my next book.”

He smiled at me, I hated that I knew what that look in his eyes meant. I missed my house, somewhere to be alone. 

“Please, take a seat, I was hoping that I could convince you to truly be interested in my offer.”

I sat down and debated quickly how to sit. He’s a smart man, so he’ll know however I sit will indicate how I feel. I decided to sit straight with my hands laying on top of each other in my lap. Indicating that I’m not relaxed, or comfortable, but that I’m not resorting to self-soothing behavior that would indicate weakness. Though my hands desperately wanted to rub together.

He stared at me, still smiling, and I stared back at him. I knew what his eyes meant, his politeness couldn’t get rid of it. He was interested. Not in getting me to work here, though he also would benefit from that, but he was interested in me as a ….concept? thing? It’s hard to tell sometimes.

“You’re quite an intriguing case you know.”

I didn’t respond.

“Most students when they get out can’t wait to talk about their time here, some wishing they could have stayed longer. Or at the very least brag any chance they get. But you never once mentioned it publicly. Not in your books, interviews, anything.”

“That’s my private life, I see no reason to bring it up in my work.”

Stop looking at me like that. Stop looking at me like that.

He was curious, he wanted to pick apart my brain, he wanted to know what I was thinking, he wanted to know what I was feeling, he wanted to know know know know know know.

“You know the students here often say you are one of the few real writers in this generation. They could really benefit from having someone like you in lectures.” He used an encouraging tone, one you would use to encourage a child to try a new hobby.

“I don’t care much for teaching, and I don’t agree with their opinion. There are plenty of great writers in this generation. I’m hardly a rarity.”

“Modest as ever,” He praised, “but they are saying the thing everyone else agrees with. So, you’re outnumbered there.” 

He leaned backwards in his chair a little and continued,

“You never advertised your books, just published them under a pen name and left them, not caring if people read your books or not, just wanted to publish them.  Not like the money hungry “great” writers that you speak of. You’ve never done anything to try and get you more money. The only interviews you’ve ever done were when people wanted advice and help from you, or to understand your stories more, you don’t care for advertising. You-“

“Me not advertising myself doesn’t mean I’m great, and as much as I would usually prefer professionalism, I would prefer now if you stopped trying to praise me into saying yes to your offer.���

I hated it I just wanted to leave. Both because I knew I didn’t want the job, but because I knew too much of what he was thinking. Being hyper aware of people’s thoughts is never fun. And being hyper aware of your own is even worse.

He looked at me….in…. that way……I…..stop thinking about that and move on, get away around it already for fucks sake.

I interrupted him before he could say anything.

“Thank you for the praise, and you can tell your students that I appreciate it, but I’m not interested in working here or any other teaching job. Not even for a few short lectures. I like my private life, and I’m not interested in anything that deviates from that.”

He smiled. He didn’t fail to smile once.

“I understand. And I agree, that being professional will only drag this out, so I’ll get to it a little.”

He leaned forward, in a way that tries to impose authority.

“You fascinate me, as you already know.”

I didn’t deny that, waiting for him to continue.

He pulled out a book as he continued to speak, “One of the main things that teachers often pointed out when looking back on the time you spent here was that you are very perceptive. I looked into your files and saw that you avoided a few….incidents…because you detected the signs. Good intuition.”

He flipped through the book as he spoke, the book had no cover title to show what it was about.

“Darlings that are that aware tend to try and avoid dark topics, their minds already occupied with such thoughts, but you seemed more than interested in those thoughts. Your library check outs show that you were highly interested in books about psychology, specifically darling psychology, though you had more than the average amount of books on the OTHER psychology.”

He listed a few off in the book he was looking at. The book was about me clearly.

He looked at me again, trying to search my eyes for what I was thinking, and when he didn’t find what he was looking for he continued.

“You seem to also have a high level of empathy, not just in your general EQ score but some of your personal essays.” He flipped through a few pages of what I assumed were those essays.

“You seemed to have a very understanding view of you-know-what’s, explaining the different reasons they feel the ways they do, both biological reasons and psychological reasons. You never villainized them like how some others do.”

He looked in my eyes again, searching for something, “why is that?”

I stared back at him.

“…. understanding and open-minded.”

He smiled, but it seemed more real this time, “you really are a sweetheart behind those dead eyes of yours.”

I was getting nervous, it didn’t show, but I felt it. I was becoming more and more aware of our surrounding, his breath, his movements, and what I picked up on him. And I became more and more aware about what I was feeling.

“Did you ever read “The Lying Heart” by Emily Gatsby?”

“Yes, it’s a study on how some darlings develop an attachment to “certain” people, despite them being aware that those feelings are wrong. No doubt you already knew that I read that book from my records.”

“You seemed fond of that book, no?”

“She’s a great writer, and her research was amazing, even though it wasn’t appreciated at the time.”

He nodded.

He closed the book before looking at me.

“why didn’t you press charges against the man that tried to kidnap you?”

…

…

…

…

I didn’t answer and didn’t plan to.

I got up.

“This seems to have went down a few wrong turns, Mr. Rossi. I came here out of politeness to listen to you offer me a job I don’t’ want. Instead, you go in circles about me and then bring up private business from when I studied here. I’ll be leaving now.”

He hadn’t been going in circles, he was going straight down a path that I never wanted him to reach the end of.

I walked to the door and already had my hand on the handle, when he said it,

“You’re “a lover’s dream”, aren’t you?”

I froze.

I heard him laugh, and I turned around I saw that he had also gotten up from his seat and made his way to me but kept a good distance between us.

I contemplated my actions, 

“You’re incorrect.”

“now don’t try to lie no-“

“I’m a “Darling’s Self hell”.”

Saying it out loud made me have to silently accept all the thoughts I was having the whole time. The way that I thought he was attractive from the beginning. The way that despite how much I hated the way I felt preyed upon by his eyes that tried to look into my soul, I found it highly attractive. The way that I liked how he gave off an air of threat, of danger. Not the danger to me physically, or mentally (technically), but the attraction of danger.

He smiled, but this time it was a real smile, a wolf like smile that I still found attractive,

“I’m glad we finally stopped beating around the bush. Now….where does that leave the two of us? You already know I’m infatuated with you, and I know that you have an unwanted attraction to me.”

He approached me a bit more, I walked around him, keeping a distance and avoiding a door being behind my back.

“I don’t plan to kidnap you, that’s not something I personally fancy doing. What I do want though, is you indulging that part of your brain that finds this attractive. Indulge me a little.”

It sounded so tempting, I hate to admit it even now, but it was so tempting. To indulge that part of my brain that liked this, that loved this.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t say yes, or nod.

“Since we have both clearly read “The Lying Heart”, we both know that Miss Gatsby clearly illustrated that a “Darling’s self-hell” have unwanted, intrusive thoughts that they don’t agree with. The same way some self-aware you-know-what’s aren’t fond of their mind either. So we both know that I would never agree to such an arrangement.”

“And, yet, you didn’t press charges against him. You didn’t’ seem to care then about what was socially acceptable.”

“Those are two very different levels of socially unacceptable.”

“Some people have already outcasted you for having sympathy for a “lover”, how much worse would it be to be with me?”

“I would say it’s the difference between burning yourself on a candle, and jumping into an active volcano.”

He chuckled, “A lot of the students here actually find me quite charming.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“No, not like that, I don’t engage with students, how low do you think of me?” 

“Low enough to bring up personal matters that happened while I was still a student here. Bringing them up while you’re actually supposed to be professional by offering me a job. And low enough to not take a no.”

He nodded, “Fair.”

It didn’t matter that he was attractive. It didn’t matter that I found his forwardness attractive. It didn’t matter that a part of me liked this attention. It didn’t matter because these thoughts aren’t my own. They are something my brain makes against my will, therefore, they are not my own, and I am not tied to them.

“This has went on long enough. I won’t be accepting ANY offer from you. Be that job related or other. Have a nice day Mr. Rossi, and do no try to contact me again in the future, this was a one and done thing.”

I sped off to the door, opening it and leaving immediately. I didn’t care that it looked weak, showing that I was deeply bothered by all of it. Running away like a rabbit or a deer. I just didn’t want to give him a chance to say or do anything else.

I left the hell built like heaven, avoiding the eyes of students as some of them pointed and whispered amongst themselves. Letting the breeze carry their questions. “Is that them?” “No way, really?” “who is that?”

I never thought I would write about that day. Not anywhere but my journal at least. But in light of the recent movements and criticisms towards Emily Gatsby’s works I thought this would benefit more people than it would hurt me.

I’m aware that in this piece I have outed myself as one of the types that Emily Gatsby coined in her book “The Lying Heart”, but as I will quote from her, page 17, paragraph 3 “There should be no shame when it comes to our biology. We should not blame a man for only having one arm, or a woman for being infertile. We should not blame a child for being a mute or a dog for being blind. And we should never blame a darling for being a darling. We can only pass criticism about what someone does, not what someone is.”

As of the time of this writing, there are currently charges against Mr. Rossi for attempted kidnapping, stalking, blackmailing, breaking and entering, and theft. From yours truly.

I shall end this piece with a word to an editor, who encouraged me to not write nor publish this.

Scheiß auf dich du alter sack.

(3406 words)

-✨🥐anon (Sorry for any typos! Wrote this while the wolves were howling outside.)

wowww i did not think that was the path we were going down at the end, from the way this started. the dialogue in this is probably the best you’ve written in my opinion and the banter was so good bc “you’re quite a sweetheart behind your dead eyes” took me out 😭

love love love the meta concept of a self aware universe of ‘lovers’ and darlings. love that professor, and the way he was trying to pick reader’s brain, when they wanted nothing to do with him. even the part with how darling is mindful of how they sit down so as to not give away any weakness fuck yah

interesting that they have entire books dedicated to the topic, with subtypes of darlings. i wonder what other categories exist besides ‘a lover’s dream’ and the self hell one,,

lowkey need Mr rossi carnally ❤️❤️ even if he is an “old bastard” LMAO

[skierisa]

Ninjago 90 AU headcanons - part 1(?)

Yeah idk, just an important detail: this would be like the og series, but they're regular teens in the 90s. Dragons Rising would be around early to mid 2000s in this AU, so the ninja are teens

OC'S ARE INCLUDED! 100% IGNORABLE IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM

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Lloyd

- 2nd year of high school (to Americans it would be junior year, i guess)

- works part time in Doomsday Comix store

- plays electric guitar

- hides when seeing Harumi in public

- got arrested TWICE (first at 15, second time a few days before turning 16)

- the first time was because he stole something from Hot Topic, did community service and then was free. Never told anyone (besides Morro and of course his family) about the second time

- reads comics all the time while working

- favourite place to hang out is the skatepark, but also likes the arcade

- can skateboard, just doesn't do it as much anymore

- Starfarer collector

- spends too much money with this comics and the merch and the collector's stuff

- sometimes skip school with Jay and Kai just to play videogames

- has a crush on my OC, Valerie, but only knows her as "the girl from the music store on the other side of the road"

- randomly makes desserts at night

- is in the top 10 best students in school

Kai

- 3rd year of highschool (to Americans it would be senior year)

- tutor's kids after school, mostly history tutoring

- can not and refuses to use or learn how to use a computer

- likes Britney Spears, but hides it at all costs

- in a situationship with Skylor

- has a bunch of nirvana shirts

- knows Lloyd was arrested the first time because he was there too, but for drunk driving

- "party guy"

- drinks. a. lot.

- favourite food is Kahlua pig

- part of school's basketball team

- cuts his own hair (sometimes makes a bit extra cash by cutting his friends hair as well)

Nya

- 2nd year of highschool

- works as a lifeguard at a public pool

- robotics club member

- knows about Kai's love for Britney Spears, constantly blackmails him with it if he doesn't do what she wants

- favourite places to hang out are the skatepark and the theater

- favourite music genres are late 70s to late 80s pop and riot grrrl

- joan jett's biggest fan

- still prefers to listen to indie bands

- knows Lloyd was arrested because Kai told her

- of course she scolded him, like "i'm mad that you did this but im glad you're okay", like some sort of older sister

- LOVES bracelets, has both the beads bracelets and the slap bracelets

- has a yang necklace (to match Jay's yin necklace)

- has a bead bracelet done with all her friends' favourite colour (red for Kai, dark blue for Jay, navy blue with glitter for Valerie (OC), pink for Vanessa (OC), purple for Pixal, orange for Skylor, black for Cole, green for Lloyd, white for Zane and light blue for her)

- regrets her bob-cut phase, but wants to cut it short again

Jay

- 2nd year of highschool

- the unemployed friend that seems to be unable to find work (because no one hires him)

- at least once a day complains about not having a job, and knows he'd definitely still complain if he had one

- robotics club member

- listens Spice Girls, and is no longer afraid of demonstrating his love for the group once everyone made fun of him for liking it for two weeks straight

- knows Lloyd was arrested because Nya told him

- "how was it like?" first question he asked right after discovering it because he just doesn't know what to say

- spends too much of his free time in the arcades and sometimes brings Lloyd and Kai with him

- has dates at home with Nya, where they usually watch trashy horror movies and old dramas (sometimes anime)

- also collects Starfare merch and comics

- constantly visits Lloyd at his job just so he can read comic's while he works and for free

- has a yin necklace (to match Nya's yang necklace)

- wants to pierce his ear, but it's too afraid to do so

- his knees are always scratched due to skating, so he does have a few scars because of this

Cole

- 3rd year of highschool

- works at a vynil store

- when they can't go to watch movies at Lloyd's house, Cole's house is the second best place for their Friday movie nights that turn into sleepovers

- is dating Geo, but doesn't tell his name to his friends just to mess with them, so they're always trying to guess "who the hell" he's dating

- openly bisexual (preference for guys)

- knows Lloyd was arrested because Jay told him

- also scolded him, being mostly glad Lloyd was okay

- has been playing the drums since he was a kid, because his dad wanted him to play the piano and drums aren't piano

- his favourite music genre, surprisingly, is bossa nova (followed by metal and punk)

- he's a painter and participates in art competitions, meeting my OC, Vanessa, in one of those. They are friends with a healthy and friendly artistic rivalry, encouraging each other to try new things with their art

- smokes pot (mostly at parties and also with Kai and Lloyd)

- trying to get into art school after high school

Zane

- 3rd year of highschool

- volunteers in a animal rescue center

- into a one year relationship with Pixal

- knows Lloyd was arrested because Lloyd told him

- his pet falcon is a rescue, since it damaged it's wing so hard that it barely functions well, making it impossible for it to survive in nature again. Zane then took it with him after his shift;

- he really just calls it Falcon, like Marie Antoinette naming her pug Pug

- since Pixal is some sort of "celebrity" she was his celebrity crush

- 15 year old Zane: "so... we're dating her?"

18 year old Zane: "yes, she fell in love with you at first sight!"

15 year old Zane: *Zane.exe has stopped working, please, restart*

- quite too much of a fan of noir movies and noir books

- (once on college in the 2000s he'd 100% collect the Blacksad comics, I mean, it's his two favourite things together, animals and noir!)

- likes to wear a slightly more vintage style, but at school wears regular clothing as he recognizes that vintage clothing is somewhat more fragile and needs to be taken care of, and school isn't the best place to wear those

- was in the robotics club in middle school and changed to computer science club in highschool

- wants to be a veterinarian

Morro

- second year of college

- nobody knows his major and gets comically interrupted every time he tries telling someone what he does

- got fired from his previous work as a bartender

- now works with Wu in his tea shop

- adopted by Wu, btw

- taught Lloyd how to play guitar (he can play bass and mostly plays it, but borrowed a guitar from a friend as a teen)

- knows about Lloyd's second time in jail and helps him to hide it from everyone else

- constantly exchanging insults with Lloyd, but in a rather playful way

- alcoholic, but trying to quit

- best student in his class, surprisingly

- likes pachinko games and other gambling games, but not addicted to it. Sometimes brings Lloyd with him to play a bit, and sometimes Lloyd brings his friends, making Morro look like a babysitter sometimes

- likes hanging out with Lloyd, but usually they hang out in the middle of the night

Harumi

- second year of highschool

- part time Hot Topic cashier

- 100% stole a bracelet or two WHILE WORKING THERE

- knows Lloyd hides from her in public

- hangs out with the other girls just fine, but constantly complains about whatever they're doing (secretly loves to be with them and refuses to admit it out loud)

- she has a bunch of journals under her bed and they all read very entertaining reads

- the reason why Lloyd was arrested the first time (was stealing from hot topic, asked him to help her, but unlike him, she managed to escape from security)

- had a super crush on Morro when she was 15

- actually likes Friends TV show

- thinks Chandler is a mood, but her favorite character would be Phoebe in the later seasons

- goth clubs are her second home

- can't stand cigarette's smell

Skylor

- third year of highschool

- works as a part time waitress at Chen's Noodle House

- constantly gives her friends discounts

- lab partners with Kai

- almost exploded the lab with him once

- they still laugh about it

- knows about Kai's love for Brittney Spears, but pretends she doesn't

- loves karaoke hangouts

- still has an anacondrai tattoo (slightly angsty fact)

- heiress to Chen's mafia

- considers Nya a little sister, so they're basically BFF's and hang out together the most among the girls

- likes thrifting, usually looks for anything 70s related

- usually goes to roller discos to skate or goes to the skatepark with headphones

- sometimes meets there with Nya so they can chat while skating

- that's also where she likes to celebrate her birthdays

- knows about Lloyd being arrested because Kai told her

- treats Lloyd like some sort of little brother so actually got worried when she heard about him getting arrested

- "if you ever need it, i know a lawyer who helps my dad's gang member to get out of jail" Skylor to Lloyd once she meets him after hearing about his arrest

- only invites Harumi to the girls hangouts because she knows she will be upset if she's not at least invited

Pixal

- second year of high school

- part time job as her father's (aka Cyrus Borg) assistant

- goes to the same school as my OC's (see below) so she wears a school uniform

- Skylor's childhood friend, since they went to the same elementary school

- there's a conspiracy theory going around that Pixal is actually a robot and she knows very well about these rumors

- likes to scare people making a very impressive impersonation of a robot just for the funsies

- was in love with Zane at first sight (they met at Skylor's birthday party)

- her idea of a "perfect date" with him is both watching noir movies and studying together

- once threw a noir themed Halloween (or day of the departed?) party because of him

- loves to go thrifting with Skylor, and knows where to find the best pieces

- robotics club leader

OCs!

Valerie

- works at a CD and music store

- second year of highschool

- attends a different school than the main cast

- never wears school uniforms appropriately (always customizes it)

- constantly in the principal's office for arguing with teachers

- was part of school choral until highschool where she just didn't want to do it anymore

- wants to become a music teacher

- has a band named The Pin-Punks and does concerts in a music venue called Supernova Apex every weekend

-Valerie cut bangs after Vanessa was accidentally sent to detention in her place

- Kai and Nya's childhood friend and neighbor

- eventually would meet Lloyd when buying a comic

- doesn't dislike him, but thinks he's a dork

Vanessa

- second year of highschool

- also customizes her uniform, adding lots of chains to it

- trying to become a model

- has a massive crush on Harumi

- not only is a goth, but has a thing for goth girls

- art club member

- goes to Hot Topic quite often just to chat with Harumi

- won a few art competitions she was in

- knows Cole from a few of those competitions and is actually friends with him

- always goes to goth clubs on the weekend

-also always yelling at the DJ asking "what band is this?"

- once was sent to detention in Valerie's place because they were wearing the same hairstyle

- works as a nanny

- was the "responsible" kid in her childhood friend group (Kai, her, Valerie and Nya)

- not exactly openly lesbian, but doesn't exactly hide it

[forestshadow-wolf]

Soap having trouble listening to authority especially if it unnecessarily put lives at risk

Except for ghost, who thinks soap is an excellent who never talks back and always follows orders. Ghost gets confused when another lieutenant says soap was hell to command bc he never listened. And then another time he sees soap back talking another captain, he's not sure what it's about but it's clear that soap is arguing.

Ghost is taken aback by this because never once has he seen soap be this rude and down right disrespectful. He supposes it's fair, soap's been in the military for over a decade and he's only known him for a fraction of that time. But still it's been years since he met soap, and he's never seen soap raise his voice against price, much less himself.

Soap himself does not have a problem with authority. He has a problem with poor authority that will cost people their lives. He's always had a strong sense of justice, even as a kid, and it only grew as he got older. He got in trouble with teachers and eventually cops a lot before he joined the military.

His first lieutenant when he just gout out of boot camp had no problems sending soldiers to dies, as long as the mission was completed. Soap was not a fan. And he didn't hide it. Infact he was very loud about it.

He got sent back to boot three (3) times before they just let him move up the ranks. They had no real grounds to discharge him, and he was a damned good soldier; always top of his class even in his first round of boot. He did eventually learn to pick some of his battles, like if it was a direct order from a general or higher, those couldn't be changed. But Sergents, lieutenants, and captains were fair game for him, even if it was a different squad.

On the topic of price and ghost, well he never had a problem with them, not really anyway. Price valued the life of his men over the success of the mission, and that earned more respect from him than a thousand success missions could have. And ghost, sure he's mission driven, but he doesn't devalue the life of his men.

And sure soap has given counter suggestions on mission planning, but it's always with the best interest in mind and never without backup to support. And sure there have been disagreements, but never out right arguing, or disrespect. Plus he figures price asked for him specifically, by name, even with his "anti-authority" reputation. So he figures if price wasn't open to listening to him he would have asked for him.

Gaz wasn't too surprised, if only because he'd met Soap in passing in the field once or twice. He'd heard how soap had gotten his callsign, being able to clear a room and take down multiple hostiles with quick efficiency. Be he does wonder if it was actually for trying to clean up a captain's act as a private, or maybe having to clean up his own act. All the times he'd met soap before the 141 he'd always known the man to be steamy and hot headed, often getting into fights with his SOs or hell even his fellow Sergents.

But it isn't soap's fault. Really! Trust! See, because every time his SOs or the other sergents made a bad call, and he had to follow orders. And he lost soldiers who didn't have to die? Then that was on him for not speaking up. Their blood was on his hands for not using his voice when he could. And trust him, he's got plenty of blood on his hands, some his fault, some his direct decisions, some because he wouldn't dump it on his privates like his superiors did to him.

Soap has had to lead too many bright eyed soldiers into danger, on a plan that was held together on hash threads and hope, and had to tell them that they'd all get their recognition knowing still that not all of them would make it. He used to go against direct orders, even as a private. It got so bad that he was threatened with dishonorable dischatge on account of going awol and a slew of other things. And had it not been for his family, he wouldn't have cared. Not that his honor didn't mean anything, just that it meant less than peoples' lives, but of course his family always came first before anything else, so he stopped.

Well stopped blatantly going against direct orders. Didn't stop the arguing, got smarter in how he disobeyed, left his position when he had even the barest hint of a valid excuse, started doing little things to make life just a little bit harder. Because he doesn't think that you should just be able to have an easy life of you can knowingly send people off to die without a second thought.