#learned today that this is like. a puzzle book AND a website. crazy

[fishblings]

A friend asked me to draw her so i did :D Based on this design by @foxglove-woods

[tcm]

My Time with Doris Day: An Interview with Mary Anne Barothy By Constance Cherise

In 2012, Robert Osborne interviewed a spry 90-year-old, Doris Day. He, of course, asked all the correct questions a true Day fan would be curious about: when she realized she could sing, how her career in film began and did she consider her serendipitous life to be destiny. A vibrant and gracious Day revealed that she wasn’t nervous when it came to performing, and if you have seen her first film ROMANCE ON THE HIGH SEAS (‘48), her organic ease fits like the exact correct puzzle piece. 

Although she passed almost two years ago, fans the world over still celebrate her iconic status. One of those fans is a public speaker on all things Doris, author of Day at a Time: An Indiana Girl's Sentimental Journey to Doris Day's Hollywood and Beyond, Mary Anne Barothy. Her fortune ironically played out like a classic Hollywood script, much like the beginnings of Day’s career. A devotee of Day since childhood, threads of fate connected and Barothy would find herself rubbing shoulders with Hollywood's elite, astonishingly becoming Day’s live-in secretary, maintaining an active friendship from 1967-1974. 

What was a typical day with Doris like?

Mary Anne Barothy: I lived with Doris in her Beverly Hills home after her TV show [The Doris Day Show] filming ended - December 1972 and ran through June of 1973 on CBS. Her bedroom was just opposite mine in the back. Mine was the front bedroom. She slept with seven of her dogs, and I slept with the other four – Bobo, Charlie, Rudy and Schatzie. She would get up and come into the kitchen where I often fixed her breakfast. Doris loved her dogs and spent time playing with them both indoors and out. Many days she would get ready and bike down to Nate 'N Al's Deli for a late breakfast and many times would meet someone, or we would go together for breakfast. Doris loved her fans, and she was very good about answering her fan mail. 

As you know, her passion was animal welfare and she kept up with Actors & Others for Animals and frequently attended board meetings. I went with her and was also a proud member of Actors & Others for Animals. In the summer she would swim in her pool on occasion. She would call friends and once in a while meet someone for lunch or dinner. After dinner, sometimes we would sit in one section of her living room and watch the news. Doris was very down to earth; as I said, she was like a big sister to me. To me, this was an incredible dream come true! It is still hard to believe that I had this awesome opportunity to spend precious time with my idol, Doris Day!

The designer Irene dressed her in high fashion. Did she have a favorite costume/gown?

MB: She never spoke about that, but she looked good in a bathrobe. She just had a way of radiating, looking beautiful no matter what she had on. She always said CALAMITY JANE [‘53] was her favorite movie because she was kind of a tomboy. She never came across that way except for in movies, but she liked to be comfortable. She would ride her bike with shorts on and look very casual and comfortable. I always told her she could put on a paper bag and look good! 

Now that she's passed, what would she want the world to know about her if anything?

MB: She was a down to earth person and I think some people think celebrity is high and mighty because they are in the movies, and I'd say a religious person without talking about church all the time. She had a passion for animal welfare and that was very important to her and she'd been that way apparently since she was a young person. She just enjoyed life and her friends. She wasn't one for “I've got to be seen here and I've got to do this.” Her work was her work, she'd go to the studio to do what she had to do and that was it. 

Your book recounts so many extraordinary memories including that of a conversation with Elvis. If you had to choose one pinch-me moment, what would it be?

MB: When Doris called me and asked me to come work with her. The Christmas she invited me to stay. The fact that she trusted me was so special.

What was it like waking up in your idol’s home walking outside of your room and thinking I live here now?

MB: It was surreal because I wasn't just staying a night or two, I’m staying here to the fact that I changed my address over. It was all like a movie. Here I am, actually living with her! It was meant to be. She was like a big sister. She made me feel welcome.

Do you have any memorabilia? 

MB: I have some clothes she gave me. My favorite one is the hat she wore when she met me. She gave it to me and then another hat from a movie, a skirt, and top from THE GLASS BOTTOM BOAT [1966]. She gave me a ring and an autographed Christian Science book, and that is special. I’ve got many letters and cards she gave me over the years. (Barothy reads a card) “Thanks for doing your own Christmas shopping. I love you Mairzy Doats, you’re the best there is! Always, your friend Clara.” And on the other side, it says, “Merry Christmas from the kids too!” – the dogs. “Mairzy Doats,” she’d sing that once in a while. I’ve saved a lot of these things. Of course, when I do my talks, I use copies. 

What was Beverly Hills like then? 

MB: To me, Beverly Hills, when I lived with Doris Day in her home, was a much more  relaxed city, almost small townish. Doris could ride her bike from her home four blocks down to either Bailey's Bakery or the classic Beverly Hills deli, Nate N 'Al's on Beverly Drive. No paparazzi – that would never happen today. I would see Barbara Stanwyck and Fred Astaire at the Beverly Hills Post Office, saw Rosalind Russell at Ralph's grocery, and would see Loretta Young at Good Shepherd Catholic Church. People appeared to live pretty normal lives. Beverly Hills was a welcoming community and a fun place to be, especially since I was living with Doris in her home.

What would Doris think of the world today?

MB: I think Doris would be concerned about the direction we seem to be going in. Doris was a very religious person without going to church. I learned a lot from her. With people being out of work these days, I think Doris would be very concerned about the welfare of dogs and cats and all animals. As you know, she was a strong animal advocate and was one of the founders of Actors & Others for Animals. When she moved to Carmel, California, she started her own foundation, The Doris Day Animal Foundation, and animal welfare was her number one priority.

Looking back, does it seem like this all really happened to you?

MB: Yeah, it kinda seems surreal, and friends that are big Doris fans, just say, how did that happen? I just followed my dream and that is why when I give talks, I tell people to follow your dream, don't say oh I could have or I should have; if you really believe in something go for it. All I can say it was meant to be. I drove my parents crazy and drove my teachers crazy, but I got what I wanted. I never would have dreamed that all of this would happen. I mean talk about a dream come true...unreal! “It really happened, I'm not making it up, I’ve got pictures to prove it!”

What are your plans for the future?

MB: I look forward to getting back on the road again to share my “Dream Story With Doris Day” presentations. Due to the pandemic last year, I was not able to do them as people were in lock down. Now, things are opening up and I am doing Zoom but really prefer the in-person talks where I share many photos I've taken of Doris over the years, as well as scripts and other Doris Day memorabilia. It's a fun “sentimental journey.” People can contact me through my website. 

[grimoire-of-geekery]

Detect Magic: the Sixth World Tarot by Echo Chernik

(pictured here- the deluxe edition [left] and the Arcanist edition of the Sixth World Tarot by Echo Chernik)

Y'know, it's been a long time since I did one of these, but here goes. It's time for another Detect Magic review. I haven't put the Dork Magician hat on for a while, so let's give this a whirl!

Today we're taking a look at the Sixth World Tarot, by Echo and Lazarus Chernik. She has this available on her website (click the above link), which come signed by the artist and the author. I'm a bit bummed, I bought a copy of this deck juuuuust before she started signing them. Not her fault, but still. XD

For those of you unfamiliar with Shadowrun, it's a cyberpunk dystopian magic-and-mech RPG setting and fantasy novel universe which originated in the late 80's. The premise is that magic is growing stronger, the world experienced a big Awakening in the early 2000's, right around the same time that corporations managed to gain extraterritoriality. So, you have dragons running huge megacorps, which basically enslave people to be lifelong wageslaves from birth (or as soon as they can get their hands on a desired talent), immersive VR Matrix hackers, cyberware enhanced fighters and magic practitioners acting as "deniable assets" to said corps for all sorts of shady business.

Hence the name "Shadowrun."

This setting, one of my absolute favorite settings out there, has had the misfortune of developing a sort of eerie prophetic element akin to the Simpsons and its bizarre track record of prediction of ludicrous world events. Shadowrun was intended to be a cautionary tale, not an oracular one. That being said, that does make a tarot based on Shadowrun more than a little on-the-nose for predictive purposes. After all, they're telling the future without even trying. Wait until they actually put some effort into it...

All right, time to Detect Magic!

Accessory- Crit (4 out of 4) Stunning artwork, evocative imagery... this deck is gorgeous. It's so beautiful, and so intricate and well made, that people who don't even read tarot (or even particularly like tarot) buy several copies for their geeky collections, and even people who don't particularly care about Shadowrun have dropped their jaw when I showed the deck to them.

A bit busier than I'm used to working with (not the art, but the extras which I'll explain later), I was pleasantly surprised at how much I loved the cards when I first got them. The box for both editions I own are a nice durable gloss with a magnetic foldover closure, there's a ribbon inside each to help pull the cards and book out of the box, and the decorative artwork is gorgeous and fitting with the setting. Definitely aesthetically pleasing enough to take places, and durable enough to resist scuffing or tearing for on-the-go divination and gaming use.

Tome- Crit (4 out of 4) So, the Tome section of this review is supposed to be about how well the cards help one in the pursuit of learning magic and practicing geekomancy. And... really, I don't think I've found a deck (or any artifact of fandom) quite as good as this.

Let me explain.

Tarot, in the sorcery practice I teach, are already basically a pictorial grimoire, describing life in a way that allows us to learn the hidden movements, mysteries, and forces at play in our world. Art is good for things like that in general. It helps you see the world through a special lens, one which allows you to see things you might have missed.

The thing is, the lens of this deck is the Shadowrun continuity, which as I said earlier, has proven to be more than a little prophetic, and alarmingly so.

The magic system of Shadowrun is pretty adjacent to our own. Life force lines, spiritual power sites, astral projection and spirits and magical "energy" forms, initiatory mysteries... it's all pretty much the same as our own reality, just juiced up a bit, with some extra game elements added (don't even ask me about insect spirits).

This makes the deck particularly helpful if one wishes to learn magic in any of the myriad ways described in Shadowrun (and they're particularly respectful and diverse and true-to-life in their tradition descriptions).

BUT, it also has an entire lore-book called the Book of the Lost associated with it, which explains all these little secret sigils and images and easter eggs stored throughout the deck, which can be used for gamebuilding and storytelling, but are designed to be arcane indicators and omens, among other things. And the kinds of symbols they use range from sentences or mottos in dead languages, all the way to waveform patterns and dot-matrix maps. I swear, if you're one of those people who like puzzles and cryptography, this deck is even more fun than the Hermetic Tarot.

In summary, while you'll have to get some Shadowrun sourcebooks to really get deep into the canon lore, there's so much of it that the cards really show you on their own that I don't consider this a setback at all. Feel free to deep-dive with this deck, you'll learn a TON about magic if you let it guide you.

Relic- Success (3 out of 4) If you read the Book of the Lost, or Unearthed Arcana, or any of the 5th edition Shadowrun magic sourcebooks, you'll see that "tarot magic" is an up and coming thing in their canon. Each text helps you see how practitioners use the cards in-game for spellcasting, ritual magic, initiation practices and spirit summoning. The Tarot are already really valuable as central objects of importance to certain kinds of magical practice. This particular deck is designed to be so handy a central object that there's an entire book dedicated to it.

Weapon- Success (3 out of 4) The only reason I'm rating this a success instead of a crit is because they don't provide enough spreads in the various associated books for one to immediately begin casting spells with them, which means you'll have to do some designing. They do have a couple solid unique spreads for basic divination though.

The deck's canon in-game suggests ritual practices like gathering and doing a ritual with sets of related cards, and one such ritual was easily adapted in my own practice, into the Lucky Kimono spread I designed (which people can read about on my Patreon at the higher tiers). So, even without outright including spell-spreads, they sort of gave us clues anyway.

Again, you're going to need the sourcebooks, but it's only a few of them, and they're well worth a read even if you're not planning on playing the game (and I don't play in the actual Shadowrun mechanical system, though I do like the sourcebooks for campaign setting ideas).

Overall Rating: Critical Success (14 out of 16)

Achievement Unlocked: Novahot Echo's artwork is already legendary in the dork realms of geekomancy. She's done work for Dungeons and Dragons, Mage: the Ascension, House of Night... she's even working on a Fate: the Winx Saga playing card deck right now. Her art-nouveau delicacy combined with the powerful non-pandering way she draws women means that her paintings pack a punch!

That being said, it's rare that we see professional artists create a tarot deck of this magnitude as a gaming accessory. Most tarot decks of this caliber are found in professional occult catalogues or as independent projects by artists just wanting to flex their skills for their own reasons. To have a deck like this, clearly a labor of love by all involved, as a major element of gameplay within a franchise is really very special. And something this diverse, deep, and absolutely saturated with layers of ciphers and riddles... it's a geekomancer's dream come true.

Level Up: 2 Levels I think the only way anyone's going to be able to top this deck is if they manage to design a tarot deck that's also a fully immersive VR video game AND an AR game and divination tool useable with one's iPhone or Android. Legit, Echo and Lazarus left everyone in the dust. I haven't been this excited about Shadowrun since Shadowrun Returns first came out, and I got a set of dogtags that had a USB drive with the game on it.

It's just... crazy cool.

Full disclosure, I've had the deluxe edition of these cards for a while now, so I've basically been low-key squeeing about this deck since I first heard about it in 2018, even before I got it. I've been utterly astonished that people weren't more excited about them, and I wasn't hearing about them everywhere.

Before this, I created my own Shadowrun tarot method using the Universal Transparent Tarot (cuz, y'know, plastic and see-through and weird little mosaic readings all in one place, seemed fitting to me), and when I got the Sixth World Tarot? I don't think I've opened the UTT since!

Anyway, this is my review of this deck! Go follow the link up at the top of this post, and buy yourself one! And hey, let me know if you figure out the cool little map trick. My jaw literally dropped when I was shown that!

[timetoresurface]

secrets (5) / BBH

Y/N x CEO BAEKHYUN

final 5k words

PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3 // PART 4 // PART 5

Hopping from one job to another, you really wanted to keep your position at Banking and Finance. If you would have to describe your perfect work environment, it definitely wouldn’t be at that stupid finance magazine that had the worst coffee machine in history. But hey, it did pay the bills, and that’s what everyone does, right? A perfect job doesn’t exist, right? A perfect life doesn’t exist, right? Only in cheap romantic comedies was life perfect, and you certainly weren’t in any. At least the last time you checked.

“Have you ever seen the movie ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’?” Chanyeol asked you during your second meeting that week. You dropped your pen and simply nodded your head for him to continue. ”Well, that’ where I’ve got my inspiration from.” His voice sounded uncertain, almost childlike.

“What do you mean?” You asked him softly. You had grown a soft spot for Chanyeol over the last couple of days. He was polite, funny, and a wonderful gentleman. He knew exactly what to say and how to make you feel good. Not in the way that Baekhyun made you feel, but he was kind enough to distract you for a while.

“At first glance, you’re just a pretty girl, but you actually know your stuff.” He simply stated, not daring to look into your eyes. He did just call you beautiful. That’s kind of embarrassing.

“Most people don’t dare to look behind the beautiful girl part. So, thank you for pushing through.” You thanked him, showing him your biggest smile.

“It wasn’t that hard.” He chuckled lowly, and you felt like you were going to melt into a puddle onto the floor.

“So, what about the movie?” You asked him, changing back the subject before the conversation got too awkward for you to handle.

"They had the lead have this column about banking stuff in easy terms. We’re not going to do it like that, but that’s what inspired me.” He explained, and you couldn’t help but find him cute. His big doe eyes were endearing, and you couldn’t look away. He might dress in fancy suits and is actually a big shot guy, but he was still human. He even showed his insecurities and weird thought processes.

“So, do you like watching romantic comedies?” You teased him softly while touching his arm gently. He looked a bit taken aback, but he let it happen nonetheless. Suddenly the door of the meeting room was forcefully pushed open, revealing a fuming Baekhyun.

“Oh, hello, Baekhyun! Are you checking up on our progress?” Chanyeol smiled at him. The two of them were more friends than colleagues you had figured out while working with Chanyeol. He could never stop talking about how great Baekhyun was, and what kind of crazy stories they got themself into. You did love Chanyeol’s anecdotes about Baekhyun, but you would rather hear them from the man himself. Which would be demanding as you were ignoring his presence.

“It doesn’t seem like you two are doing very much.” He stated firmly, and Chanyeol straightened his back. He had also once told you that when Baekhyun was pissed, you should watch yourself.

“We’re actually almost finished, mister Byun.” You told him dryly while removing your hand from Chanyeol's arm. Baekhyun noticed your retreating hand, and his eyes hardened.

“Show me what you’ve got.” He demanded while seating himself opposite you. He didn't even acknowledge Chanyeol as his eyes were too busy scanning you. His eyes never left your face though, he seemed to be looking for something, but you had no clue what that could be.

“We will present our idea next Tuesday as we promised.” You told him in your most professional voice. Surprise flashed through his eyes, but he quickly composed himself.

“Maybe I can help.”

“We’re presenting our project for you to agree. Wouldn’t it be against protocol if you helped us?” You tried to reason with him. Chanyeol didn’t know what was happening between the two of you but didn’t do anything to stop it. He seemed to enjoy the show you were giving him.

“There are a lot of things against protocol, but that has never stopped you.” His voice dropped lower, and you felt your knees go weaker and weaker. When he looked at you, it was as if every ounce of breath was taken from your lungs. You had a crush on Baekhyun, and your body wasn’t trying to hide it anymore. A crush is nothing more than a lust for someone, right? But still, he is always there on your mind. Whenever you see him, that’s it, you’ll keep thinking about him for the entire day.

“Likewise, isn’t that how you created this company?” Your voice stumbled over the first word, but Baekhyun seemed unfazed. He didn’t seem to be as affected by you, as you were affected by him.

“Seems like we both did our research.” He tilted his head and stared you up and down. His eyes weren’t shy anymore. We were quickly taken out of our trance when Chanyeol’s phone started ringing.

“Excuse me.” He stuttered while walking out of the room with his phone pressed to his ear.

“So…” Baekhyun said, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen over you.

“So…” you repeated him, looking at your hands. You didn’t want to look into his eyes when you were alone with him. You were scared you would crumble.

“How have you been?” He asked you casually as if you guys were old friends trying to reconnect.

“I’m not doing this.” You thundered while getting up from your chair. At that moment, Chanyeol decided to enter the meeting room again, and he looked puzzled, to say the least.

“What?” Baekhyun and Chanyeol said simultaneously.

“Chanyeol, I think we're done for today, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.” You quickly bowed and made your way out of the hell hole. You grabbed your things from your desk and went straight home. You tried so hard to not be affected by Baekhyun, but your mind and body were not in sync.

You were casually doing your work when Chanyeol surprised you at your desk. He had taken off his tie and suit jacket. He had also rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and he looked like a snack. Your colleagues eyed you suspiciously while pretending to do some work. Why did your colleagues even care about these handsome young men? Yes, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were attractive, but they were just too high up to even pretend you got a chance with one of them. You learned the hard way.

When one of them entered your floor, everyone seemed to go in acting mode. Like Chanyeol would even notice them, he had already made it perfectly clear to you that you were the only reason he was spending so much time here. Now that you think of it, Chanyeol had been really interested in you. Asking where you would go out for a drink, or where you’d like to eat. It was adorable that he appreciated your opinion for work-related matters, but also personal issues. It did make you feel a little warm inside.

“Hi, Y/N.” He beamed at you, and you couldn’t stop thinking about a happy puppy who was always excited about everything and anything.

“Hey, Chanyeol.” You returned his greeting with a big smile. Whenever Chanyeol was near, you just couldn’t stop smiling. He had that effect on people, and you’d like to follow the masses. 

“Can I ask you something?” His cheeks turned a little red, but it was a good look on him. It made him more approachable and even more adorable.

“Of course you can. For you everything.” You told him while taking off your reading glasses. He visibly swallowed before talking again. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he was nervous. 

“That’s nice to hear. I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner after work?” He mumbled softly. You had to pay attention really hard to understand what he was even saying. Just as your colleagues, who leaned more to your side to understand what he was asking.

“Oh?” Was all you could mutter.

“Nothing too serious because I don’t want to talk about work. I just don’t really know a lot of people in this area, and it would be nice to not dine alone.” He quickly explained, but you just smiled at him.

“I would love to show you around. When do you finish work?”

“When you’re finished.” He confessed, and you laughed. 

“I still have some work to do, but I can be done in an hour.” You told him.

“It’s a date.” He happily exclaimed, but his enthusiasm quickly disappeared after seeing your face. “Not really a date, but you know what I mean.”

“It’s okay. I’ll see you in an hour.” You told him while putting your glasses back on your face. Chanyeol practically skipped out of the office, leaving you smiling to yourself. You tried to contain your excitement before your colleagues would swarm your desk with questions.

The hour passed quickly. Luckily for Chanyeol, you didn’t take your work too seriously. The hour was filled with checking a report and scrolling through your horoscope website until you found the one you liked. 

“I’m leaving everyone.” You announced while grabbing your coat. Some colleagues hummed as a response, being too busy with their work. Luckily for your company, some people did take their jobs seriously.

When you made your way down to the entrance of your building, Chanyeol wasn’t there yet. The old security man was still working, so you made your way over to him.

“Long time no see.” You announced your presence, and he glanced up from the book he was reading.

“You must be really busy. I’ve heard you’re working on something special.” He put down his book to talk to you. If that’s not love, you don’t know what love is. Putting down a book could mean a marriage proposal in your world. You would say yes if the old security man asked you. It was a shame he was happily married, and that his wife was the kindest person you had ever met.

“I can’t really tell you, but yeah.” You said proudly while hanging over his desk like a little too excited kid.

“I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you so much. How’s the book?” You asked him changing the subject.

“Boring.” Both of you laughed at his confession. Why were you even mad at him a couple of days ago? Your head really worked in strange ways sometimes. 

“If I don’t forget, I’ll bring you one of my favourites next week.” You happily told him, but he frowned.

“I appreciate the gesture as I know you’ll probably forget. I’m still waiting for your famous apple pie.” He joked with you, and you blushed. Why did you always forget everything? And why did you tell him you could bake? The last time you had baked something you’d almost set your apartment on fire. You really needed someone who could teach you basic household chores.

“If I don’t forget, I’ll also bring you some homemade apple pie.” You quickly lied to him. Supermarkets sold homemade apple pies too. 

“Y/N!” Chanyeol yelled before making his way over to you. “I hope you didn’t have to wait too long.”

“I almost wanted to leave, luckily for you, my favourite guy kept me company.” You teased Chanyeol, and he almost believed you wanted to leave. His eyes practically fell out of his head. Overacting was a good look on him. You started to think everything was a good look at him.

“Thank you so much for your sacrifice, sir.” Chanyeol joked while bowing.

“Nothing I can not handle. She can be sweet when she wants to be.”

“You never know how you’re going to find her.” Chanyeol agreed, and you rolled your eyes.

“Keeps the job exciting.” Both him and Chanyeol laughed loudly at the remark. Can people stop talking about you as if you weren’t there, that would be great? Thank you.

“Enough about me. Let’s go Chanyeol.” You waved at your friend and grabbed Chanyeol by the arm. 

“Where do you want to go?” He asked you while exiting the office building together. The sun was still shining, which made you really happy. 

“I always go to the same bar.” You explained to him. Baekhyun hadn’t really cared where you were going.

“Which is…?” Chanyeol tried again. 

“A secret.” You told him with your finger over your lips. 

“I don’t really like secrets,” Chanyeol stated, and you had to container your disappointment. Who didn’t like secrets? Everyone has secrets.

“You don’t have any secrets?” You asked him softly.

“No, I’m an open book. Do you have any?” It’s not like it is a bad thing to not have secrets, but you were a tiny little bit disappointed. Maybe he needed a sip of alcohol before he got honest with you.

“I collect secrets.” You joked with him, but it seemed to go right through him.

“How do you even collect secrets.” He asked you seriously, and you sighed. Maybe you could only converse with him about work-related stuff. 

“I scream them into a jar before sealing the lid.”

“Are you kidding?” He asked you uncertain. 

“Of course not.”

“Strange.” He ended the conversation. 

“A little bit, yeah.” You whispered under your breath before opening the door of your favourite bar. Maybe you should’ve gone to another as this place reminded you solely of Baekhyun. How conversation never went dull, and how his lips were a perfect fit on yours. You tried to shake the feeling. 

“What do you want to order?” Chanyeol asked after you were seated at the bar. You liked the spot better you had chosen when you’re with Baekhyun, but you couldn’t exactly tell Chanyeol that. 

“I only drink the signature cocktails. They’re the best.” You told him happily, never taking a look at the menu. You knew their cocktail list by heart.

“I don’t really like cocktails,” Chanyeol remarked while scanning the menu intently. 

“They have a lot of other options too.” You mumbled softly.

“Which one would you like? I’ll order us something.” Chanyeol asked you suddenly.

“I’d like this one.” You told him, showing him your favourite cocktail with your finger. You had to move a lot closer to him to do so, and it didn’t feel right. 

The conversation didn’t flow as you would have expected. And it’s not that Chanyeol wasn’t good company. He was a terrific company, but you just didn’t feel the part. You never really believed in that kind of stuff, but after your encounter with Baekhyun, you might be a believer now. 

“What are you thinking about?” Chanyeol asked you after a couple minutes of silence. 

“Nothing.” You told him off. 

“Is that nothing called Baekhyun?” He asked you waiting for your response. 

“Why would I be thinking about Baekhyun?” You scoffed, trying to hide your surprise. Could he read your thoughts? 

“He seems to be interested in you, and you seem to be annoyed by everything he says and does.” He explains to you, and you couldn’t look him in the eyes. Were you that obvious?

“If he annoys me, why would I be thinking about him outside of work?”

“Love and hate are practically the same things.” He reasoned with you. His face showed a beautiful smile, and you hated yourself for leading on such a wonderful man. 

“I only believe in hate at first sight. Love is something people made up because they weren’t satisfied with their lives.

“Wasn’t it hate at first sight between the two of you?” He asked you jokingly, but you couldn’t laugh. He was right, actually. And you really hated it when people understood something before you.

“Stop reasoning with me.” You told him.

“I really had high hopes for tonight.” He changed the subject again.

“Why’s that?” You asked him while playing with the straw in your drink. 

“Because I like you.” He confessed suddenly.

“Was it love at first sight for you?” You jokingly asked him, but he shook his head in disbelief at your words. 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” He laughed softly. 

“I’m sorry.” You apologize.

“Don’t be. Don’t be sorry for being you. I like that about you. That you’re unapologetically you.”

“That’s so cliché of you to say.”

“I do watch romantic movies.” He proudly stated after taking a sip from his drink.

“And you let their stories guide your life.” You commented after also taking a sip from your fruity cocktail.

“I’ve known Baekhyun for a while now, but I’ve never seen him like he is now,” Chanyeol said seriously again. He could really switch from serious to jokingly in a second. It was confusing.

“And what is so different?” You asked him interested. You were tired. You didn’t really want to hate Baekhyun anymore. 

“He seems excited,” Chanyeol stated. 

“Excited?” You repeated him. Why would Baekhyun suddenly seem excited? What changed? 

“When I told him I was having dinner with you tonight, he came alive. He was asking where and when exactly, and not that Baekhyun is a bad friend, but he is never interested in my dating life. At least not like that.” Chanyeol began explaining his reasoning. He thought he had it all figured out. 

“…Also, your little exchange in the meeting room made me suspicious.” He continued his monologue, and you could only listen to his words. Baekhyun came alive when he discovered you went out to eat with Chanyeol. Baekhyun knew you were somewhere right now having fun with someone else. How did that even me you look?

“… It seems you do collect secrets.” He ended, and you half smiled at him. It was a lot to take in. 

“I told you.” You ended the conversation. Both of you said goodbye after the awkward confession/ analyzation of Chanyeol. You needed some time alone to figure things out.

The next couple of days went remotely smooth. You had gotten your hands onto Baekhyun’s schedule, so you knew when and where he was at all times. It was a life saviour. It was the only thing keeping you sane. You had finally taken his shirt back to the office. You didn’t want to keep it, as it held too many memories for you. But you also didn’t want to throw it away as it seemed to be a costly dress shirt. You and Jennie made a plan where you would just leave it in his office when you knew he would be out.

Today was going to be the day. It was finally Friday, and he had lunch plans with some big shot guy you didn’t remember the name of. But he seemed to be necessary , and Baekhyun would never skip that meeting. It was a solid plan because everyone would leave your office around lunchtime to get something to eat. You didn’t need to explain why you had a man’s shirt in your hands, and you didn’t need to tell why you were going to the top floor.

You quietly made your way up to Baekhyun’s office, working your hardest to not look suspicious. Once you closed his office door behind you, you could finally breath again. He wasn’t there, and somehow after all your hard work in avoiding him, you felt a little sad. You patted his shirt after you placed it on his desk. This was it. This is how it ends. 

“We had a good time.” You whispered to the lifeless shirt. 

“We did have a good time, didn’t we?” A voice behind you surprised you. You turned around and saw Baekhyun closing his office door. He wore a pastel coloured suit that complimented his natural skin colour, and you felt your cheeks redden. 

“I’m sorry mister Byun. I was just returning something that was yours.” You explained yourself softly. He didn’t say anything while walking over to his desk, standing right next to you.

“Thank you.” He finally said after looking at the shirt on his desk. It was freshly washed, and neatly folded. “Maybe you should keep it.” He shrugged while holding his shirt out for you to take.

“What?” You stuttered, not being able to control yourself around the handsome man. Why would he even give you his shirt? It didn’t even smell like him anymore, not that you checked.

“You did look good in my shirt. I still think about that moment when you entered the meeting room in my shirt with your cheeks flushed red.” A soft smile spread over his face, but his eyes darkened. If he continued this duality of his, you would get a headache. There was just no deciphering the man. 

“You did rip my shirt, and left me all alone in your room. What else was I supposed to do?” You asked him sarcastically, trying to keep your voice low.

“I really wanted to stay though.” He moved a little bit closer to you, but you backed up against his desk.

“Let’s not talk about it anymore.” You firmly stated while standing up. You didn’t look him in the eyes.

“You haven’t even given me a chance to talk about it.” His hand got hold of your wrist, but you quickly shrugged him off.

“What’s done is done, mister Byun. It is no good to dwell on the past.” You explained to him cooly.

“Is it this easy for you to let us go?” His voice grew angry, but you kept your cold facade. 

“Us? There is no us, mister Byun.” You corrected him.

“Please call me Baekhyun.” He pleaded.

“What do you want from me, Baekhyun?” You yelled at him, you couldn’t hide the frustration anymore. You couldn’t contain the anger you had for the man standing in front of you.

“I just want you.” He confessed quietly, and a part of you wanted his words to be true, but you couldn’t believe him.

“You made it perfectly clear that you can’t have me.” You took a step back, but he was quick to follow.

“I never made myself clear, you simply assumed.” He corrected you, and you glared at him. He couldn’t blame all of this on you.

“Seeing your wife acting all happy was enough proof.”

“Do you like me?” His voice could barely be heard, he was pleading you. His eyes were searching for yours, but you were trying to take a step back from Baekhyun. In a little over a week, he had made you obsessed with him. You wanted to know everything about him. You wanted to know his most deeply hidden secrets, but he just couldn’t give you what you wanted. He would always leave a part of himself invisible, that’s the kind of man Baekhyun was. You wanted a pure love without complications, but Baekhyun screamed troubles from miles away. Maybe it was best to end it before it could actually start becoming troublesome.

“That doesn’t matter.” You mumbled softly.

“It does! Do you like me Y/N?” He raised his voice while his hands landed on your shoulders. He was trying to make you look at him, but you refused.

“Why?” His hands found their way to your chin, and they demanded you to look up at him. You lost your internal battle the moment your eyes connected. His dark orbs, filled with passion, were enough to make you weak in the knees. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes were pleading you to stay.

“Because I have liked you ever since the first moment I laid my eyes on you. Ever since the moment you spilt your drunken secrets, you had me captivated. You’re like a drug, Y/N, and I can’t seem to get enough. I can’t stand seeing you flirt with Chanyeol when it should be me. I told you that I’m selfish, I want you all to myself. I want to spend the rest of my life with you even, I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you!” Baekhyun started. There was no stopping him now. He looked determined to make you stay.

“I ache when I see you smile. I want it to be directed toward me. For me. Because of me. I want to bring you joy. I want to be the source of those lit-up eyes.” His voice grew softer when he ended his confession.

“That’s nice Baekhyun, but last time I checked you were still happily married." Tears started to form in your eyes, and you couldn’t act like you were fine anymore. Baekhyun saw your tears and tried to move them away with his fingers, but it only resulted in you crying more. The soft side he had shown you that was solely dedicated to you, was too much for you to handle.

“Make me choose.” He whispered with his hands still covering your cheeks.

“I want you to decide for yourself. I don't want to ruin your marriage.”

“The marriage was already ruined before you came along.”

“Exactly. Why would you leave her now? You could’ve left earlier. The option was always there. Why now?” You asked him desperately while the tears kept falling down.

“It's not as easy as it seems.” He silently confessed. He had already thrown this words into your direction.

“You keep saying that. I will make the decision for you. Let's stop this game that we’re playing. Let’s just end whatever this is.” You told him while fighting through your tears. He let go of your face, and you saw it as a sign to leave. You quickly turned around and marched out of his office.

That’s why you were avoiding him. That’s why you wanted to hate him in your head. You couldn’t stop thinking about him, and you don’t know how he has gotten so comfortable in your head. And you hate the fact that he can mess up your mind so easily. To be honest, you’re afraid of love. You’re scared of feeling that someone keeps sticking to your heart, making you wonder at night if he had feelings for you too. Baekhyun had feelings for you, but he still broke your heart. You know that pain, where you give your heart and someone decides he doesn’t need it. Baekhyun needed it, and he wanted it, but it was just not possible. And if it’s possible, that’s even worse.

And here you are alone, heartbroken, depressed as fuck, and no way out. How could you not remember his shiny smile and his flawless beauty? How could you ever forget his teary eyes when he confessed his love for you? His little grey's anatomy moment where he wanted you to make him choose.

“Y/N!” Baekhyun yelled after you, but you quickened your pace. “Please wait.” He finally caught up with you, and grabbed your arm to stop you.

“Don’t.” You told him while tears were falling from your eyes. You had no control over your body in this moment.

“Don’t leave me. Not before we try to turn this into something.” A single tear left his eye, and you softly brushed his tear away with your thumb.

“What if nothing is there?” Your hand rested on his cheek, and he leaned into your touch. Some people were entering the office again as lunch time was almost over, but you didn’t care. All you cared for was Baekhyun in this moment.

“I would risk it because if you’d let me, I could make you happy.” He kissed the inside of your hand while his eyes remained on yours. The act was so innocent yet the fire inside you started to burn. You wanted more. You needed more of Baekhyun.

“I don’t care about your money, Baekhyun.” Your voice barely a whisper. You wanted your words to be heard by Baekhyun only.

“Let me buy you a drink tonight? Let me buy you dinner? Give me one date?” He started pleading again, but this time you couldn’t say no to him. 

“Where’s your wife?” You asked him.

“She only shows up when she needs money. She already left.” The explanation made no sense, but you didn’t care. She was gone, and that was all you need to know now.

“Okay.” You stated confidently. If your heart was meant to be broken, it was best to have it broken by Baekhyun. The only one who made you feel things. The only man who could turn your insides into mush, and make your cheeks permanently flushed.

“Okay?” He asked your surprised. He couldn’t believe your words, and you couldn’t really believe to yourself.

“I’m just as surprised as you are. Let’s try this once, and only one time.” You told him firmly.

“You won’t regret it.” He told you enthusiastically. 

“You better sweep me off my feet.” You joked with half a smile covering your face, but Baekhyun’s smile reached his ears. He quickly enveloped you in a hug where he lifted you off your feet. “Please put me down, Baekhyun. I didn’t really mean it that literally.” You laughed when he returned you safely on the ground, but he didn’t let go of you yet. His arms stayed draped around you while his eyes were searching for yours. 

“I like this.” He mumbled softly before kissing your cheek. He wanted to kiss your lips, but you quickly maneuvered your way out of his grip.

“No kissing until you confess to me like mister Darcy would confess.” You told him while taking his hand into yours. You motioned for him to follow you to the elevator. Maybe you should find a more discreet spot to confess.

“I already confessed to you like mister Darcy would do. He would be very proud.” He joked with you while his fingers were drawing small circles onto your hand, making your body instantly relax. All you needed was Baekhyun to make the biggest thunders in your heart go away. He told you that you were like a drug to him, but he was really your drug.

“You didn’t tell me that I bewitched you body and soul.” You pouted slightly, making him chuckle lowly. That wonderful sound you could listen to for days and days.

“I said you were like a drug, isn’t that the same sentiment?” He tried to reason with you, but by now he should’ve known better than to reason with you.

“I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules, mister Byun.” You laughed at him, and you could see the love in his eyes. Maybe love was a bit too strong, but you could see the fondness he had for you in his eyes. That was enough for now.

“What have I gotten myself into?” He jokingly asked the ceiling, and you quickly stomped him in the ribs. You could get used to this. You could get used to this side of Baekhyun. You didn’t know what the future would hold, but as you said before; it’s enough for now. And who knows what kind of secrets you could make with Baekhyun. You would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t a little bit excited. 

[starlight-ascension]

10 Years Later

The year is 2025. Haruka has just returned from a night dancing with Minami, still singing and twirling in her ball gown. 

Of course, they do it once every summer, and sometimes during holidays. Dress up in ball gowns and tiaras in the evening, drive to Minami’s mansion in a car decorated to look like a white horse, and enter the celebration room which is decorated to resemble a fairytale ballroom, complete with cutouts of princes and princesses. The two pretend to be princesses of neighbouring kingdoms at the royal ball, and they dance the night away, singing romantic duets, sneaking out to the gardens, discussing kingdom affairs in a way that actually has a coherent plot line, and talking for hours. 

The two are planning for the proposal to involve this princess roleplay. 

Minami’s butler just goes along with it. It is entertaining to be dragged into being a side character in your mistress and her girlfriend’s fairy tale LARPing. Unknown to anyone, he’s imagined in some really epic stuff with his own character, who was directly involved in numerous things in the plotline and has a pretty crazy life outside of being a servant to the princess of the seaside kingdom. 

Kirara did attend one of these two-person parties before, and she too wore an elaborate ballgown and tiara and pretended to be a princess. But she’s got a lot to do, and can’t often visit the girls outside of their nightly video chat. After all, Kirara is one of the most famous supermodels in the world. She was on the cover of the spring 2025 issue of the world’s biggest fashion magazine, and she’s appeared in the most famous fashion shows and events and the hardest ones to get into, several times. She’s also been on several of those TV shows that bring in celebrities. She’s one of the celebrities who’s loved by the internet for her chaotic energy, with Tumblr posts about how “i can see Kirara doing literally anything” “what do you mean you DREAMED that, this is exactly something Kirara would say/do” “today on Kirara Retweeted (insert meme or shitpost)” “God should fear Kirara” etc. 

Minami has achieved her dream, much to the excitement of her teammates. But we knew that from the timeskip in episode 50. 

Meanwhile in Hope Kingdom, Queen Towa is assisting in research on how to make the bridge between worlds reappear. She never forgot her team, and for a while hoped that Kirara hasn’t forgotten her or found another girl. Then she learned Kirara hasn’t. The two daydream of seeing each other once more, after what they both believed was hopeless became within grasp when they shared a dream which then showed the bridge beginning to reappear for a moment. So far, they’ve made only small amounts of progress, but it’s progress- and the team might manage to reunite once more if it works. Kanata is almost as enthusiastic as Towa over this, and he helps her with everything.  Of course, Towa does still text her team, but their group chat is no substitute for doing things together. And they might be able to hang out together again soon. 

Yui’s book was a best-selling hit. Yui is now on a tour, answering fan questions and signing books. Every now and then, she responds to questions with something cryptic, and subtly implies that the fiction isn’t just fiction. Every now and then, her friends send her memes about her badassery, lifted wholesale from ancient Chuck Norris memes they dug up from long-running websites. She just laughs at the memes. It’s now an inside joke with the 5 of them to take Chuck Norris memes and edit them to be about Yui. The exception here being Kirara, who’s like “guys... Shaggy memes exist, are easier to find, and don’t use outdated formats.” She’s eternally puzzled as to why the others never think of editing Shaggy memes. She does it anyways, even if they don’t. 

Miss Siamour is as awesome and fabulous as ever. #queen

(you know what, let’s just say that fairies live longer than the animals they’re based off of. Coppe is still alive after fighting alongside Kaoruko when she was 17, there’s proof that precure fairies live longer than normal pets. No fairy-killing here.) Anyways, Puff is nearly an adult now.  

Life is awesome. 

[dearlydepartea--a]

paranormal verse.

 SUMMARY.  

true crime themes tw

At the age of two, I was adopted by Susanna and Ivan Darling. Susanna could not have children and Ivan wanted them. They were both busy people who cared for me in their own ways, but were much too invested in their personal lives to really give me the attention I wanted. Since I was usually in the company of nannies, I found myself growing more attached to them. And while my nannies were great and helped me grow into the woman I am today, they all eventually left me.

One nanny, in particular, had grown rather fond of me, and I her. Her name was Lucinda and she would read with me every night. A majority of the books were silly; mostly Dr. Seuss and Shell Silverstein. While others stuck with me and helped shape my adult life. Although the detectives in Nancy Drew and Sherlock Holmes were fictional, I found their search for answers admirable. I began to pretend to be those detectives and began to search for the hidden truths and secrets found in the lives of people around me.

My mother thought it was a waste of time and wasn’t having any of it. She tried to ignore it, at first. In her mind, if she got me to try new things – piano, ballet, fencing – I’d get over my newfound interest; but I didn’t. The more she tried to push me away from my new-found hobby, the more invested in it I became.

During this curious phase of my life, I discovered my father would throw away the letters my mother would give him in the mornings. I learned that my older brother pretended to be the son my father wanted him to be, instead of the cruel bully who smoked pot by the side of the house. Most importantly, I discovered my mother wasn’t the perfect wife and mother she presented herself to be in front of her friends. She was filled with secrets that ranged from one-night stands to having a son I didn’t know about. A son who had gone missing, whose body had yet to be found. With all this information in mind, I finally opened my eyes to the fact that the world was flawed and that everyone made mistakes.

When I was thirteen-years-old, my mother sent me away to a boarding school across state. She also fired Lucinda, which crushed me like nothing else had. I suddenly felt lost and more alone than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I never forgave my mother for Lucinda’s loss, either. I began to hate her and made the effort not to reply to her holiday cards. I wanted nothing to do with her.  I thought she was attempting to ruin my life.

During my stay at boarding school, I had picked up a few friends. The girls were my age, intelligent, and enjoyed my company – weird quirks and all.  Being around them, I learned they held their own secrets as well. Though I could easily tell their secrets to everyone, I didn’t. I trusted these girls. The girls I didn’t trust, however, I did reveal the secrets I learned about them and they weren’t very happy about it.

One group of girls, who called themselves ‘The Gems’, hated me. After they bullied a friend of mine, I snitched to our teacher that I had seen one of the girls smoking in the schoolyard. I assume she got into a lot of trouble because during one of the free days we were allowed to roam around town one of the bigger girls in that group had ganged up on me and put me over her back. She took me to a nearby cemetery where the rest of the girls were. They gave me a talking to and beat the shit out of me. When they left me, I learned something new about myself …I could see ghosts.

I’m not bullshiting, either. I was no ‘Long Island Medium’ pretending to see things for money. I could actually see what I assumed were ghosts. The first ghost I ever saw came to me in the cemetery I got beat up in and she was very kind to me. At first, I thought she was some random passerby who wanted to give me a helping hand. But when I reached out to her, my hand went right through her and I freaked the fuck out. I ran right out of that goddamn cemetery and I never looked back. My friends all assumed I looked as mortified as I did because of what had happened to me with The Gems. I let them believe that, too. I was too horrified and too embarrassed to tell them what I had seen. They would think I was crazy. More annoyingly, I’d be made a laughing stock.

After that day at the cemetery, I dedicated myself to my studies. I adored my friends, but I no longer could identify with them. I had seen a dead woman and I could no longer shake the image away. I had matured from the experience and hid in my books and studies, instead of putting myself out there as I had before. Until that day, I did not know what it was like to have a secret I did not want anyone to know. I had dedicated most of my life to discovering secrets, and now I was scared of someone finding out mine.

Due to my vigorous study sessions, I graduated a few years earlier than my classmates. Graduating was a freeing experience, but I continued to see and hear things. I knew it would be something I would never be able to get rid of, so I promised myself that I would not let my little gift get in the way of how I lived my life. This was why, when I studied at Columbia University, I made the effort to make friends and involve myself in school activities. I put in lots of effort to be social, while putting in even more effort to make my way into a career as a criminal psychiatrist.

After surviving my residency, I found myself working the emergency psych unit in New York. It was a lot of work. People were always in need of assistance. There were rarely ever any breaks because I was always on my feet. It was my job at the psych unit that made me realize how speaking with ghosts wasn’t as terrible as I was making it out to be. Some of the patients I saw would sometimes pass and I usually stopped what I was doing to try and communicate them. Like their living counterparts, they had secrets. The only difference now was that their secrets had the capability of helping them. I wound up helping a few of them, while a few others were stubborn and decided they didn’t need help, that they got a better kick out of fucking with me. And as much as I enjoyed my job at the emergency psych unit, I decided to change career paths in order to pursue a career as an fbi agent.

Working as an agent was exciting. Even when I was doing nothing much to do in the beginning, since i was learning. I felt much happier as a fbi agent than I did as a simple psychiatrist. However, I eventually got to combine my love of puzzles with the information I’d learned while studying psychiatry, along with forensics, to work on profiling criminals.

After about a year, I was given the opportunity to work on an interesting case with one of my colleagues. Her name was Rachel and she was beautiful in a Hitchcock blond sort of way. She was also incredibly good at her job, and for that I admired her. The case started out minor, as though it would be solved in a week or month’s time. But as we dove deeper into the case, we both began to notice things were more complicated than we assumed they’d  be.

The mutilated bodies of several of our missing victims had been found in various parts of Los Angeles. We assumed the killer would have gotten bored after six murders, but we discovered differently about a month later into our investigation. With one of the victims escaping, we learned we were biting more than we could chew. The news was surprising to both Rachel and I, and when we reported our findings we were told to let it go.

Obsessed with the case, I began to get bored. All I could think about was victims I had tried to find who were found in various parts of the city. I was furious that we weren’t given any answers. Even worse, I felt like the answers were hiding right under my nose. It was a stupid move on my part, but I used my spare time to dedicate myself to the case. From a good friend who took over the case, I discovered that there had been a new body.

I walked to the scene of the crime, claiming to one of my old colleagues that it was important for my work. Of course the crime scene was still as cluttered and messy as the others, and of course the body had been found somewhere out in the open. Like all the other bodies found, the parts of the victim I could see looked as though she was ready for a date – make-up perfectly kept, opposed to mascara stains, and well styled hair. Not only that, but when her home was searched, none of her technological devices were found. An important thing I noticed was the fact that I shared similar characteristics of these young women – I had brown hair, I was tall, and olive toned skin.

With this in mind, I continued my own investigation by putting myself  on dating apps and websites. In the process, I discovered the killer I had stupidly went in search of. Instead of the killer being a man, the killer was a woman. To make matters worse, this woman wasn’t some random woman who was bored and decided to go on a killing spree – this woman was Rachel. Since I had no back-up, Rachel showed me her true colors. I thought she was going to attack me like she attacked her other victims, but instead she shot me twice, leaving me to tumble down the stairs, before telling me to watch my back.

[oh-its-souichi]

Aw

Yo! 

Shigaraki X Reader

Another fic about Shig being a father? 

Hell ya 

... I can’t help it... Him being a dad just gives me... life.

Im sorry

Also the final chapter of Ultra Violence will be posted sometime this week and after that I will be continuing the Dabi fic Ive been working on.

Warning- I didn’t know how Nomu were made so I just guessed, FLUFF, Daughters name is Shi because its like "she" but spelled cool and Im lazy.

It was all but silent in the warehouse. 

Around him was the bothersome buzzing of the machines at work while the water that the Nomu grew in sloshed around. With the attack on the Yuuai summer camp underway they were there to check on Dabi’s Nomu’s.

The patchwork villain wouldn’t shut up about it so Shigaraki, fed up, told him to meet up with his at the warehouse so they could see how the creature was progressing.

To the left of him Kurogiri was fidgeting with a control panel while Shi played with a small nail she had found while wondering around the warehouse.

Dabi stared down at her wondering if he should take the nail away from her but shrugged and turned his attention to one of the brains floating in the sickly green water. "Hey boss are you cool with her having that?" Dabi suddenly spoke the situation irking him for some reason.

Shigaraki looked briefly down at his daughter and grunted seeing no issue. It was nice she had found something to preoccupy herself with instead of badgering him.

Shi quietly hummed a song Shigaraki had heard play at the beginning of one of the magical girl series she was obsessed with. 

Well, the one she was obsessed with right now. It seemed to change every week though. 

The only reason he was aware of the change is because sometimes he got on his computer to read the news and what not he would hear two little feet tumble into the room, the pressure of her eyes falling on him. “Daddy” she would say locking her sights beginning the silent battle.

He would try to ignore her, grumbling under his breath at her while focusing on whatever he was doing that day until he just gave up.

“Uh fine. You’re so annoying.” he would groan minutes into the stare down.

Begrudgingly he would lift her onto his lap and go to the website that illegally uploaded movies and episodes of various titles, clicking on whatever caught her interest.

Usually the shows consisted of brightly colored character who were overly enthusiastic and made his head ache. His fingers would find their way up to his throat scratching ruthlessly. 

He didn’t like having to share especially with a little girl that just walks in and demands things of him without saying a single word but he found it was easier to let her watch it for a few minutes and often times he didnt give into her, like yesterday, but on days he was to exhausred to fight he would

It was better then dealing with her silently crying, having hidden herself under a blanket in a corner somewhere and then you looking at him with the damn puppy dog eyes asking "She just wants to spend time with you T"

The two of you drove him crazy. 

But secretly he liked it. 

Shi dropped the nail in her hand to the ground and wandered up to his side standing up on her tip toes staring down into the water. “For me?” He heard her say. “Huh? he said twisting his expression underneath Father, casting his sights down to her. She shifted awkwardly under his gaze feeling the pressure. Nervously she twisted the toe of her small beat up sneakers into the cement floor. She had learned in the two years she had been alive that odd things set her father off and it was not fun to be at the receiving end of his dangerous temper. “One for me?” she repeated pointing at herself. 

Shigaraki paused letting her words sink in before a smile spread across his face. “You want a Nomu?” he asked shifting his eyes from the little girl to one of the floating brains. A lightness entered his chest and he almost felt uncomfortably elated. The feeling wasn’t entirely new he had felt it before when he saw himself on the news and heard the newscasters say his name with a adorable twang of fear in their voices. 

It made him proud.

He felt proud.  

He knelt down connecting he red eyes with her similarly colored ones. “Now what would a- How old are you?” he asked. She paused prodding her bottom lip with her pointer finger. 

“56 probably” 

“56?! Are you stupi-” 

“She’s two and a half Tomura Shigraki” Kurogiri said from the work bench himself and Dabi stood by while waiting for the machine he had been using to load the program he had to install. Shigaraki cocked his head in thought. ‘It’s been two years already. What the hell’ 

Shi had been his greatest mishap.

At 18 you were introduced into his life and he quickly became intrigued by you, obsessed with you. Eventually the two of you formed a strange relationship and he found himself spending more time alone with you in his room, knocking you up in the process.

After breaking the news to All for One he was surprised the elder man was somewhat supportive. ‘It’s a little earlier then I would have liked it to be but it’s good to secure an ere.’ 

They were not exactly the words he wanted to hear but that’s all ancient history now.

He studied her childish features seeing a lot more of himself in her face then you. She had light blue hair that was slightly wavy and bright red eyes the only real difference being she was a little bit cuter. 

“What would a two year old want with a Nomu?” he asked. Shi with a determined look on her face walked away from her father (to his confusion) making her way to Kurogiri where she interrupted the conversation he and Dabi were having to tug the newspaper he had in his hand. He released it watching her shyly walk back to Shigaraki. Clumsily unfolding the paper she pointed to a picture of All Might that was printed on it. “For Game over” she said. 

Shigaraki’s breath got caught in his throat leaving him breathless, his chest tightening harshly. Quickly his brain was overrun with images of him and his daughter releasing mass destruction upon the city hand in hand, well pinky in pinky. The effects on the public seeing a small innocent child basically murder innocent civilians would shake then to their core. The heros wouldnt even know what to do.

“Well” he said “What a promising little mistake you’re turning out to be. Kurogiri give one of these to her” he said grabbing Shi lightly by the hand, twirling her around. 

Kurogiri looked away from Dabi who raised his eyebrows unimpressed. “Are you sure that is wise?” he asked warily. Shigaraki dropped Shi’s hand raising up his arms. “What kind of father would I be to deny his own daughter’s wishes and aspirations.” he said smiling down on Shi who blushed. Dabi scoffed “Where was that attitude when you yelled at her for wanting to watch that kid show? Isnt that kinda like denying her aspirations??”

Shigaraki grew irritated “ Shut up patchwork. Kurogiri can you do it or not?” he asked glaring at the man. 

Kurogiri sighed to himself. “Yes I will set it up now” he said moving himself back to the control panel silently thinking to himself. (A peek into the mind of Kurogiri- ‘WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS ABSOLUTE HELL GOBLIN THINKI-) 

Dabi flashed Kurogiri an amused look before propping himself against one of the metal tables that sat adjacent to the Nomu’s “So Shi” he said earning a glare from Shigaraki.

Shi looked at him shyly her cheeks flushed. “Once you get this Nomu of yours how are you going to take him down?” 

She thought for a moment before smiling viciously, much like her fathers smile. “Like this!” she triumphed fiercely punching Dabi in the leg making him jump slightly in shock.  Shigaraki burst out in laughter standing up to ruffle Shi’s hair. “Very good!” he praised picking her carefully up. “Next time aim a little higher.” 

... 

Later in the evening after you had returned from shopping you expected to be berated by Shigaraki for being out to long but instead were left alone. Pleasantly surprised you retired to the bar reading one of your books when you noticed Shi and her father whispering to one another for a suspicious amount of time. You snuck a glance at them every now and then. It was very rare for him to interact with her so much. 

Breaking their secret meeting Shi wobbled over to you with a smile as bright as the sun. 

“Hi mommy” she said attempting to grapple up the stool to the right of you. “Hi Shi” you replied setting the book you had attempted to read down on the bar top. You reached your arms out to grab her and lift her up but were beat when Shigaraki picked her up with two pinkies in the air and placed her on top of the stool. You smiled at her as she situated herself, resting her head on her arms with a big yawn. Her eyes drooped and you could tell she was fighting off a powerful wave of sleep. It was a little past her bedtime. Normally Tomura was so strict about bedtime but today he didn’t seem bothered by her presence as he normally did. 

“How was today?” you asked mimicking her position feeling a finger run gently down your spine it’s owner retiring next to you, unmasking himself. Ephemerally you looked at him puzzled. “He sure is in a good mood today’ you thought becoming instantly reluctant about the situation. “Good. I got Nomu!” Shi exclaimed tiredly.

You turned your attention back to her lovingly brushing a few stray strands of hair behind her ears. “You got a Nomu?” you questioned looking to Kurogiri for some sort of explanation who only looked back at you exhausted.  ‘Great’ you thought. “Yep!” Shi said happily. “Daddy give it!” You clicked your tongue and sat up resting your eyes on your handsome boyfriend who only beamed proudly.

A chuckle slipped past your lips. “He did huh? I’m sure that is going to be very fun for the two of you especially when daddy gets to clean up whatever mess you and the Nomu make.” Shigaraki grunted at your words not liking the sound of that. 

[malcolmbrights-a]

Claudia Daviau / Paranormal Bio

tw: death, crime themes, bullying, brief description of corpse, adultery

At the age of two, I was adopted by Susanna and Ivan Daviau. Susanna could not have children and Ivan wanted them. They were both busy people who cared for me in their own ways, but were much too invested in their personal lives to really give me the attention I wanted. Since I was usually in the company of nannies, I found myself growing more attached to them. And while my nannies were great and helped me grow into the woman I am today, they all eventually left me.

One nanny, in particular, had grown rather fond of me, and I her. Her name was Lucinda and she would read with me every night. A majority of the books were silly; mostly Dr. Seuss and Shell Silverstein. While others stuck with me and helped shape my adult life. Although the detectives in Nancy Drew and Sherlock Holmes were fictional, I found their search for answers admirable. I began to pretend to be those detectives and began to search for the hidden truths and secrets found in the lives of people around me.

My mother thought it was a waste of time and wasn’t having any of it. She tried to ignore it, at first. In her mind, if she got me to try new things – piano, ballet, fencing – I’d get over my newfound interest; but I didn’t. The more she tried to push me away from my new-found hobby, the more invested in it I became.

During this curious phase of my life, I discovered my father would throw away the letters my mother would give him in the mornings. I learned that my older brother pretended to be the son my father wanted him to be, instead of thhe bored guy who smoked pot by the side of the house. I learned that my sisters were flawed as well. Most importantly, I discovered my mother wasn’t the perfect wife and mother she presented herself to be in front of her friends. She was filled with secrets that ranged from one-night stands to having a son I didn’t know about. A son who had gone missing, whose body had yet to be found. With all this information in mind, I finally opened my eyes to the fact that the world was flawed and that everyone made mistakes.

When I was thirteen-years-old, my mother sent me away to a boarding school across state. She also fired Lucinda, which crushed me like nothing else had. I suddenly felt lost and more alone than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I never forgave my mother for Lucinda’s loss, either. I began to hate her and made the effort not to reply to her holiday cards. I wanted nothing to do with her.  I thought she was attempting to ruin my life.

During my stay at boarding school, I had picked up a few friends. The girls were my age, intelligent, and enjoyed my company – weird quirks and all.  Being around them, I learned they held their own secrets as well. Though I could easily tell their secrets to everyone, I didn’t. I trusted these girls. The girls I didn’t trust, however, I did reveal the secrets I learned about them and they weren’t very happy about it.

One group of girls, who called themselves ‘The Gems’, hated me. After they bullied a friend of mine, I snitched to our teacher that I had seen one of the girls smoking in the schoolyard. I assume she got into a lot of trouble because during one of the free days we were allowed to roam around town one of the bigger girls in that group had ganged up on me and put me over her back. She took me to a nearby cemetery where the rest of the girls were. They gave me a talking to and beat the shit out of me. When they left me, I learned something new about myself …I could see ghosts.

[title]What I warn you to remember is that I am a detective. Our relationship with truth is fundamental but cracked, refracting confusingly like fragmented glass. - Tana French, In the Woods[/title]

I’m not bullshiting, either. I was no ‘Long Island Medium’ pretending to see things for money. I could actually see what I assumed were ghosts. The first ghost I ever saw came to me in the cemetery I got beat up in and she was very kind to me. At first, I thought she was some random passerby who wanted to give me a helping hand. But when I reached out to her, my hand went right through her and I freaked the fuck out. I ran right out of that goddamn cemetery and I never looked back. My friends all assumed I looked as mortified as I did because of what had happened to me with The Gems. I let them believe that, too. I was too horrified and too embarrassed to tell them what I had seen. They would think I was crazy. More annoyingly, I’d be made a laughing stock.

After that day at the cemetery, I dedicated myself to my studies. I adored my friends, but I no longer could identify with them. I had seen a dead woman and I could no longer shake the image away. I had matured from the experience and hid in my books and studies, instead of putting myself out there as I had before. Until that day, I did not know what it was like to have a secret I did not want anyone to know. I had dedicated most of my life to discovering secrets, and now I was scared of someone finding out mine.

Due to my vigorous study sessions, I graduated a few years earlier than my classmates. Graduating was a freeing experience, but I continued to see and hear things. I knew it would be something I would never be able to get rid of, so I promised myself that I would not let my little gift get in the way of how I lived my life. This was why, when I studied at Columbia University, I made the effort to make friends and involve myself in school activities. I put in lots of effort to be social, while putting in even more effort to make my way into a career as a psychiatrist.

After surviving my residency, I found myself working the emergency psych unit in New York. It was a lot of work. People were always in need of assistance. There were rarely ever any breaks because I was always on my feet. It was my job at the psych unit that made me realize how speaking with ghosts wasn’t as terrible as I was making it out to be. Some of the patients I saw would sometimes pass and I usually stopped what I was doing to try and communicate them. Like their living counterparts, they had secrets. The only difference now was that their secrets had the capability of helping them. I wound up helping a few of them, while a few others were stubborn and decided they didn’t need help, that they got a better kick out of fucking with me. And as much as I enjoyed my job at the emergency psych unit, I decided to change career paths in order to pursue a career as a police officer.

Working as a police officer was exciting. Even when I was doing nothing but handing out tickets and telling party-goers to turn down their music, I was having the time of my life. I felt much happier as a police officer than I did as a psychiatrist. However, once I was given the shot to work as a homicide detective, I got to combine my love of puzzles with the information I’d learned while studying psychiatry.

After about a year, I was given the opportunity to work on an interesting case with one of my colleagues. Her name was Rachel and she was beautiful in a Hitchcock blond sort of way. She was also incredibly good at her job, and for that I admired her. The case started out minor, as though it would be solved in a week or month’s time. But as we dove deeper into the case, we both began to notice things were more complicated than we assumed they’d  be.

The mutilated bodies of several of our missing victims had been found in various parts of Los Angeles. We assumed the killer would have gotten bored after six murders, but we discovered differently about a month later into our investigation. With one of the victims escaping, we learned we were biting more than we could chew. The news was surprising to both Rachel and I, and when we reported our findings we were told to let it go.

Obsessed with the case, I began to get bored. All I could think about was victims I had tried to find who were found in various parts of the city. I was furious that we weren’t given any answers. Even worse, I felt like the answers were hiding right under my nose. It was a stupid move on my part, but I used my spare time to dedicate myself to the case. From a good friend who took over the case, I discovered that there had been a new body.

I walked to the scene of the crime, claiming to one of my old colleagues that it was important for my work. Of course the crime scene was still as cluttered and messy as the others, and of course, the body had been found somewhere out in the open. Like all the other bodies found, the parts of the victim I could see looked as though she was ready for a date – make-up perfectly kept, opposed to mascara stains, and well-styled hair. Not only that, but when her home was searched, none of her technological devices were found. An important thing I noticed was the fact that I shared similar characteristics of these young women – I had brown hair, I was tall, and olive toned skin.

With this in mind, I continued my own investigation by putting myself on dating apps and websites. In the process, I discovered the killer I had stupidly went in search of. Instead of the killer being a man, the killer was a woman. To make matters worse, this woman wasn’t some random woman who was bored and decided to go on a killing spree – this woman was Rachel. Since I had no back-up, Rachel showed me her true colors. I thought she was going to attack me like she attacked her other victims, but instead she shot me twice, leaving me to tumble down the stairs, before telling me to watch my back.

[summerlifeline]

A List of Enjoyable Activities

You should always try to do something you enjoy everyday, it will help you maintain a positive mindset and also help prevent overwhelming emotions. Obviously not all of these will interest you, but it will help you come up with a few ideas of things to try out.

The List: 

Talk to a friend

Go out and visit a friend

Invite a friend to your house

Text your friends

Organise a party

Exercise

Lift weights

Do yoga, tai chi, or Pilates

Stretch your muscles

Go for a long walk in a park or somewhere peaceful

Go outside and watch the clouds

Go for a jog

Ride your bike

Go for a swim

Go hiking

Surfing

Rock climbing

Skiing

Skydiving

Motorcycling

Kayaking

Play a sports game with a friend

Play something by yourself if no one’s around: basketball, bowling, handball, mini golf, billiards, or hit a tennis ball against a wall

Get a massage

Get out your house, even if you just sit outside

Go for a drive in your car, or on public transport

Plan a trip to a place you’ve never been

Sleep or nap

Eat your favourite food

Eat Chocolate

Eat your favourite ice cream 

Cook your favourite meal

Cook a recipe you’ve never tried before

Take a cooking class

Go out for something to eat

Go outside and play with your pet

Borrow a friend’s dog and take it for a walk, or to the park

Give your pet a bath

Go outside and watch the birds and other animals

Find something funny to do: read comics, watch comedy sketches, etc.

Watch a funny movie

Go to the movies and watch whatever’s playing

Watch TV

Listen to the radio

Listen to your music playlist

Go to a sports event

Play a game with a friend

Play solitaire

Play video games

Go online to chat

Visit your favourite websites

Visit crazy websites and make a list of them

Create your own website

Join an Internet dating service

Sell something online

Buy something online

Do a puzzle with lots of pieces

Call a crisis or suicide hotline and talk to someone

Go shopping 

Get a haircut

Go to a spa

Go to a library

Go to a bookstore and read

Go to your favourite cafe

Visit a local museum or art gallery

Go to a shopping centre, or the park; try to imagine what other people are thinking about

Pray or meditate

Go to your local church, synagogue, temple, or other place of worship

Join a local group 

Write a letter to God

Call a family member you haven’t spoken to for a while 

Learn a new language

Sing or learn how to sing

Play a musical intrument

Write a song

Listen to some upbeat, happy music 

Turn on some loud music and dance

Memorise lines from your favourite movie, play, or song

Make a movie or video

Take photos

Join a public-speaking group and write a speech

Join a local theatre group

Sing in a local choir

Join a club

Plant a garden

Work outside

Knit, crochet, or sew

Make a scrapbook

Paint your nails

Change your hair colour

Take a bubble bath or shower

Work on your mechanical vehicles 

Sign up for a class

Read your favourite book, magazine, paper, blog, or poem

Read a trashy celeb magazing or article

Write a letter to a friend or family member

Write things about yourself on a picture of your body or draw them on a photo of yourself

Write a poem, story, movie, or play about someone else’s life

Write in your journal or diary about what happened to you today

Write a loving letter to yourself when you’re feeling good, keep it with you and read it when you feel upset

Make a list of ten things you like about yourself and read it when you feel upset

Draw a picture

Paint a picture with a brush or your fingers

Masturbate

Have sex with someone you care about

Make a list of people you admire and want to be like, they can be historical, people you know, celebs, or fictional characters. Describe what you admire about them

Write a story about the craziest, funniest, or sexiest thing that has happened to you

Make a list of ten things you want to do before you die

Make a list of ten celebs you would like to be friends with, and why

Make a list of ten celebs you would like to have sex with, and why 

Write a letter to someone who has made your life better, and explain why. (You don’t need to send it)

That’s the end of it! Thank you if you got this far, and please let me know if any of these have helped you in anyway! Thank you for supporting me in spreading awareness and self-care tips and idea, I hope you have a lovely night or morning xxx

[talabib]

How To Stop Being Average And Start Being Awesome

If you’re tired of being like everyone else and are ready to start being awesome, the following describes a path to get you there. Importantly, you’ll learn how to get past the most difficult block to your amazing new life’s journey

You will also find out how to overcome the fear that holds you back from living your dreams and start your own personal journey to being awesome!

Escape the average and become awesome by punching your fear in the face.

Do you dream of escaping the average? Do you want to become awesome and exceptional, but don’t know where to start? Here’s a tip: If you want to become awesome, you have to punch fear in the face.

Fear can alienate you from your dreams. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t let it, but to beat fear, you have to understand how it works. Fear prevents you from chasing your dreams by convincing you that they’re impractical or unattainable.

But don’t buy into that kind of defeatist thinking. Instead, write down your fears and then exaggerate them ridiculously, to show yourself how silly those fears actually are.

For example, if you’re afraid that starting a new project will cause you to lose your job and stay unemployed, write that down. And then let yourself go farther. Imagine you’ll end up on the street with a scraggly beard, sleeping on top of garbage bags and talking to stray cats. Does that seem likely? Probably not, which is why you need to write it down. That way you can see how illogical your fears really are, and thus prevent them from controlling you.

Luckily, there’s one more effective way to deal with fear’s mind games: Just start doing whatever you’re scared of. You have no control over the eventual result, but that won’t ever change. You’ll never know how things will end up, but at least you can control the outset. If you want to do something, do it!

For example, consider the Segway. When it was first introduced, people thought it might spark a transportation revolution. And yet, since its launch the Segway hasn’t been such a great success. Still, the Segway people deserve respect. They risked failure and pursued their awesome dream of developing weird, two-wheeled electric transporters.

Be realistic about where you are now, but dream big to figure out where you want to go.

If you want to be awesome, you have to get comfortable with tension. You have to be a realist and a dreamer, practical and impractical, logical and illogical – all at the same time.

To start your journey, you need to find out which parts of your life feel average. Do this by examining key areas of your life – social, intellectual, professional – and writing down which ones you want to improve.

Here’s where the tension comes in. Although you should dream big, it’s also important to be realistic. List current debts, responsibilities (are you a husband, a father, a coach?) and assets (university degrees or social connections) that would affect your ability to pursue your dream.

For example, Gary wanted to start an ad agency with a friend. They agreed to build a website for their first client, a church. After a few months of effort, Gary faced some tough realities: He had no idea how to run a business. Also, he’d never built a website before, and neither he nor his partner had any programming skills. In the end, they decided to quit the project and refund the church.

What went wrong here? Well, Gary’s thought had been wildly unrealistic. Learn from his mistakes. Your current reality doesn’t have to be a cage, but it is a jumping-off point. If Gary had been realistic about his lack of experience, maybe he would have started a smaller project and managed to complete it successfully.

Still, acknowledging your reality shouldn’t prevent you from dreaming big! Write down every crazy dream you have – even if you’ve never played an instrument, but want to rock a major festival. Next to your dreams, write down a list of first steps that could get you there. Then pick one and get going!

Stop waiting around to find your purpose in life and start living with purpose instead.

What is it with people needing to find their purpose? Most people use finding their purpose as a smokescreen to avoid doing anything.

Don’t be like them: Forget about finding a purpose. Think about all the pressure you put on yourself when you say that you want to find your one and only, true reason for being. That much pressure is going to prevent you from doing anything, much less what you were meant to do.

This is especially important advice if you’re young. Many teenagers and twenty-somethings freak out because they haven’t figured out a life path. They shouldn’t worry.

Scientists believe that our brains continue developing well into our twenties, so how is a not-yet-fully-formed teenager or a fresh college graduate supposed to figure out a purpose to guide the rest of his or her life?

Besides, waiting around until you find your purpose later will only prevent you from living with purpose today. So stop waiting for some big epiphany. Wherever you happen to be now, start living with purpose.

When you go to work, for instance, do it with purpose: Write those thank-you notes for employees and colleagues by hand today.

Love your partner with purpose: Buy tickets for a show you’ll both enjoy, and make dinner reservations for your favorite restaurant beforehand.

You can even vacation with purpose by only checking your email once a day. Do you really need to be available for emergencies around the clock? Instead of living for someone else, take your vacation into your own hands!

Try many new things to gain experience.

How do you get to the magical land of awesomeness? There are five steps, and the first one is all about learning – that is, trying many different things and gaining experience. After all, how can you know what you want to do if you haven’t tried a bunch of different things?

Think about it like this: When a scientific experiment fails, the scientist isn’t deemed a failure. We understand that even if the experiment didn’t work, the scientist still learned something valuable.

This gradual learning process is what allows people to become awesome. After all, no one is born an expert.

Consider Tiger Woods: He won the Masters when he was only 21 years old. That might seem young, but remember, he had been practicing for 18 years to get to that point!

So, to start the learning process, ask yourself this question: If you died tomorrow, what would you most regret having never done? Are you doing that thing now? Why not? And then just start doing it! But start small. For example, if you want to learn Chinese, find 30 minutes a week to sit down and get a feel for the basics.

Studies have shown that taking these kinds of small steps will prevent you from getting exhausted and giving up. Take Roy Baumeister’s famous 1998 experiment. Participants were divided into two groups – one group had permission to eat delicious cookies and the other was only allowed radishes.

Then both groups were given a tricky geometry exercise. The group that had eaten cookies made a concerted effort to solve the puzzle; meanwhile, the group that was only allowed radishes quickly gave up, because they had used up all their willpower denying themselves cookies..

Stay away from things that wont bring you joy

Now that you’ve mastered the art of learning, you have to focus on something. This second stage of success is all about editing your life.

As we’ve seen, learning is all about trying many different things. In fact, learning is a way of gaining possibilities and options. Unfortunately, you can’t be an expert in everything. So start editing: Look at all the different things you’ve learned, and then choose one you want to develop.

For example, if you have a passion both for writing and for giving speeches, you have to decide which skill you want to spend more time developing. The other one you can pursue as a hobby, or come back to it later in your life. In fact, make your own “later list” with possible future paths.

But in the meantime, ask yourself: What gives you the most joy? It’s important to phrase the question exactly that way.

Normally, we ask different kinds of questions – we ask result questions: What will earn us more money? Which industries are growing? Where does my experience lie?

And although these are important questions, asking them isn’t the right way to start. Just because certain jobs will allow you to earn money doesn’t mean they’ll deliver you to the magical land of awesomeness.

That’s because being awesome means doing something that inspires you. And once you’ve figured out what does, you’ll have plenty of jobs from which to choose.

For example, let’s say that you’ve edited your life and realized that you absolutely love sharing ideas. You can apply this in so many ways: You could become a blogger, an author, a podcast host, a counselor or a copywriter.

Whatever it is that you want to learn, just start working on it. And if halfway through, you realize that it’s not your way to awesome, simply edit it and move on to the next thing!

Build your expertise and ignore the haters in the way.

Now that you’ve figured out what you want to focus on, it’s time to take the next step, to mastery. The trick is to start simple. Volunteer somewhere; that is, trade your time for expertise. You’ll need to do this in order to get better at whatever you’re passionate about.

For example, if you want to become an awesome blogger, start by checking out and commenting on a lot of different blogs. Eventually, you can offer to write guests posts for free. This will allow you to improve your blogging skills while simultaneously connecting with the blogging community.

The first step? Create a list of people who are already doing what you’d like to do. How did they get where they are? What schools did they go to? What books have they read? What can you do to follow in their footsteps?

Next, prepare yourself for the inevitable feedback you’ll get as you pursue your passion. This is crucial, because no matter who you are or what you’re working on, you’ll encounter haters. Thus, you’ll need to understand the difference between sheer hatred and constructive criticism.Constructive criticism is there to help you improve; hatred, on the other hand, is just meant to hurt you.

Once you’ve identified hatred, you can deal with it by asking yourself two questions:

Where did the hurtful comment come from? If it’s from a stranger, especially online, let it go. You probably wouldn’t tolerate it if a random person yelled at you in real life; why would you listen to a stranger online?

Why did they say it? Just thinking about the other person’s perspective might allow you to feel better. Sometimes haters simply want attention; other times, they’re lashing out because they’re struggling with something in their own life.

When the finish line is in sight, it’s crucial to stay focused and not lose momentum.

Harvest all the great things you’ve been working on.

This is actually a tricky time, because the closer you get to something, the more you realize how much is still left to do. Deal with any loss of motivation by creating small finish lines for yourself. That way you’ll reach a goal each week and keep the momentum going.

For example, writing a book can take months. The best way to tackle such a big project is to divide the work into chapters, each with its own deadline. Alternately, you can set a goal with the number of words you want to write each day or each week. When you meet these smaller goals, you’ll stay motivated to keep going.

It’s also important to keep your focus. Once you start reaching big goals, people around you might tell you to start aiming for more. This can be an enticing message. For example, if you’ve started a business that’s not earning a profit, “more” could mean making your venture profitable.

But be skeptical. Whenever someone encourages you to pursue “more,” ask them why you should. Think of the entrepreneur who sacrifices time with his family to chase ever-bigger profits. Is he really so awesome? Figure out what matters to you, and stick to it.

To stay on track, think about what you did to get to this stage and figure out what’s no longer necessary for your path. For example, if you’ve started a blog, you probably spent a lot of energy attracting followers at first. Maybe you spent lots of time commenting on other people’s blogs to draw people to your site.

Well, now that your blog is popular in its own right, you don’t have to spend so much time commenting on other people’s sites. Instead, dedicate yourself to delivering what your readers want.

Share the love and help people on their own way to awesome.

Now that you’ve found something you love, you can guide others to follow their own version of the path. As it turns out, helping other people is incredibly satisfying.

How does this process work? Well, guiding others starts with a conversation. When you’re helping someone, it’s not about you, so ask questions! The only way to give good guidance is to be a good listener, so practice asking questions and listening to what people say.

To ensure you actually stick to the guiding path, connect it to something that’s already important in your life. For example, Tom and his friend sought mutual guidance from each other. They tried to meet for breakfast regularly, but they were both too busy, and only managed to see each other sporadically. Then they realized they both like to work out, so they decided to start going to the gym together. Now they meet, chat and guide each other three times a week, while they’re working out.

Guiding is great, but don’t get stuck doing only that. Always look for aspects of your own life that you want to develop, and then go all the way back to step one – to the learning stage – and start the journey to awesomeness all over again.

For example, let’s say you improved your career prospects and training, and finally landed a fantastic new job. Congrats! But don’t let your success make you lazy. Remember the “later list” you made during the editing stage? Pick something you haven’t done yet and get to it. Now’s the time to start!

You can stop being average and start being awesome, but first you have to know where to start. It’s all about overcoming your fear, living with purpose and following these five steps : learning new skills, editing to find your passion, mastering an expertise, harvesting the results and then guiding others.

[harris-rahmat-blog]

2017 : Roller Coaster Rides

“…. Why is today already December ? “

Well, I know you guys probably think the same way as pathetic as I am, maybe not that “ pathetic “ but just a confusion covered with worries. Aside the from excited feelings of having a long holiday, let’s take a second to recap this year and evaluate our goals this year — I can make sure, that every beginning of the year, some of you may write down everything that you want to achieve— because me too!

I promised at myself, a lot.. there are tons of things i want to achieved in this year, some of them are ticked out of the notes & some of them still hanging there waiting to be accomplished. The very first thing that i wrote back then is actually to lose weight which is not happening at all this year, I’m still weighed the same as last year, but i believe that i am getting taller right now haha. The second thing is to write everyday or at least as much as i can, yes this thing are ticked off from the list even though my latest entry on the diary is dated on November second. I skipped a lot of days because of my crazy schedules, i can’t write in a chaos state of mind. the third one is buy Less, buy better, & less fast fashion, it sounds kind of hard and cliché, who could resist good clothes with ‘cheap’ prices? but as i learn more deeper about behind the industry of fast fashion, their ethics, how they stole a lot of designs from designers or even a ‘small’ artist. I choose more clothes from local brands or any other ethical fashion label. Less clothes and less options surely saves your time. And my very last thing in the list which is the fourth is to grow and expand my passion, this last list is the highlight of my year, i actually writing this just for a sake of my own hobby, because later in the future i really wanted to pursue my passion to be my career, and money is not really my top list but God has different plans for me. Three months later after i wrote this ‘goal’, my very first big job is coming, then followed by the second and the rest.

For the first one, lets talk about self-care and self-love,

I don’t find this thing really important for me until i got my very first huge mental breakdown and heartbreaks. well, that sounds not so though you must be thinking, because i thought the same way too. This thing is seriously drained out my energy, days are seems so gloomy, out of motivations, and so exhausted because my mind and also my soul drowned under the mental-breakdown blanket. Each day i tried to puzzled my broken pieces of motivation, there is sometimes where your dreams that usually keeps you going didn’t help at all at this kind of state, until i realized that ‘ it’s surely okay to have a down moments, but i don’t want this problem to eat me alive ’. So i tried to focused on myself more than usual, I sorted out the things that made me down and things that made me going up. the very first thing i sorted is to ‘ dump that toxic friend out of your life ‘ this is the hardest (period), i’m that kind of persons that loves to have acquaintance with a lot of people, from there we can be partner or even close friends—but sometimes, some of them wants to know you just because they want to take advantage out of you, so do throw that one haha. next is ‘ do the things that comforts you, not only makes you happy ‘, it seems like there a thin line between those in terms of doing something, ‘comforts’ in here isn’t all about that ‘comfort zone’ but more like choosing things that makes peace with your inner self. in terms of jobs, lately i’m more selective than before, the bigger the amount of paycheck of course makes me happy, but i also have to keep in track with my sanity. If i think i couldn’t handle it, then i won’t accept it. and the last point in the list is to ‘ listen to your body more ‘, if i’m hungry then eat, if i’m tired then sleep or take some rest. as easy as that but hard to practice.

and then move on to ‘grow and expand my passion’ sections, and also how crazy & hectic to balanced your goals with the school tasks + grades.

Let's be honest, it’s so damn hard to manage the time between school works and job works, but time-management is the major key to nailed this. I’m currently freelancing as photographer and sometimes also as an illustrator & graphic designer. I’m still a ‘work-in-progress’ kind of person, I do everything that i love and eager to learn new things. Every month, there must be one to three jobs that i got averagely. Even though it’s not all a ‘big’ job, but that is totally fine, because what i enjoyed the most from the job that i got is the ‘thinking’ and ‘creative development’ process. The more I got the job it means i have a lot of space to practice — at the end, practice makes perfect!.

I studied at school from 6.30 AM to 3.00 PM ( school time in Indonesia is kinda insane ), followed by going course from 4 PM to & 7 PM, i did all of those things from Monday to Thursday, Friday are for hang-out, rest day, or meeting day with school clubs + stuffs. I do all of my works ( plus my homeworks ) starting from 8 to 11 PM, and lastly weekend are a battling day between rest day, shootings + meetings, and doing school stuffs. So that is how my days in a week goes by.

As you could see (or read), my schedules are pretty packed up, lack of sleep, and indeed for a hibernating, but those aren’t a blocking for me to dream more and work more. Sometimes i do feel tired and yes i do complain a lot too about how hard my life is, because we are all human at the end, but what makes me moving forward each day & pushed myself out of my limits is my ‘dream’, I am aware of my big dreams, and those couldn’t be reached without an effort. Slowly but sure, i will accomplished what i am writing down.

Starting this year, I built this new tumblr website with a little more sleek looks that the previous and also building my portfolio website both in wixsite & Instagram. I started to write and read more too, developing my sense & characteristics in photography and designing.  Your efforts won’t back-stabbing the results.

Experience

In the very last day of June till July, I’m be able to step my feet out of this country and stayed in Australia for twelve days. The full journey is on here.

In October, i also got a chance to attend my very first fashion week ! ( another list from the goals ticked off ), I attend Jakarta Fashion Week 2018 for two days and it is surely awesome, a one of a kind experience, actually there’s still a long list of fashion week that i want to attend ( of course! ), but at least i already witnessed my eyes for being seen what an actual runaway looks like, because i usually watch it from youtube.

Support

Main thing other than plans and dreams are a strong support system, i thanked my family and my close friends for being the best people whenever i needed ( or maybe when we need each other to lean on ), I really cherish each and every of you.

* notes :  I'm currently working on my book and RTW ( ready to wear ) line !

This year has been good to me yet still so far from perfection, there are a lot of flaws that should be fixed and improved next year. the hardest part of this year is to make peace with my own self, because when my mind are a constant battle ground between my expectation and reality— but all things going to be better soon. here are some of the things that i want to achieve on 2018, the list is written in proper paper unlike the 2017 wishlist that has been crumpled haha. Let's rock 2018!

[cryptofmadness]

INTERVIEW with CARtoons magazine Publisher & Editor-in-Chief Marc Methot

Chet Reams: First off, can you tell us a bit about your background? 
 Marc Methot: My background is pretty simple. Born and raised in Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada. Just 40 minutes north of the Minnesota border. Growing up, art was my major, but never pursued it because life got in the way when I got older. I was always told I would be successful with my artistic talents, but in a small city like Thunder Bay, those opportunities were not there to have a career with art. My father is a gear-head, so you can say I got the automotive passion since birth. I grew up going to car shows & rod runs with the family's 1940 Ford Opera Coupe nicknamed "Hot Stuff" my father built before I was born and 41 years later, The car is still in the family today.

Before publishing, I worked at a Bombardier Plant building Bi-Level Trains and Subway Cars to support my family of 4. I also did side jobs to make ends meet like airbrushing, finishing carpentry & window tinting. Whatever it took to survive. 
 Reams: Second question: What are your personal experiences growing up with CARtoons mag? 
 Methot: Because I was born in 1977, I was lucky enough to experience CARtoons Magazine in the early 80's until it stop publishing in 1991. We only had one store that sold CARtoons locally and every second month, I remember being so excited to buy the next issue of CARtoons. What was Krass & Bernie’s next crazy build and what great stories would Shawn Kerri have to share. I loved all the stories that all the artists contributed, but of course Trosley & Kerri stood out the most to me. I was so disappointed when CARtoons stopped. The store didn't have answers and it didn't make sense why such a great magazine stopped publishing. 
 Reams: So it should be noted that this zine editor interviewing you wasn't born until a year or so after the original run of the magazine ended.. How do you as publisher/editor-in-chief of CARtoons mag plan to recapture the spirit of the magazine in a way that harkens back to the first run of CARtoons, while attracting/keeping new generations of readers? 
 Methot: What's great, was when I announced that I was planning to publish CARtoons again in 2015 after I locked in the trademark, many original CARtoons artists contacted me, wanting to be a part of CARtoons once again. To have some of the original artists like George Trosley, Fred Boatman, Bob Hardin, Joe Borer, Nelson Dewey, etc, helped a lot to create a nostalgic feel to the original CARtoons Magazine. This is why I kept it black & white, each issue having a poster insert and similar content like Trosley’s How to Draw, readers artwork submissions, etc.

The challenge is to keep the humor "family friendly" so the youngsters can enjoy reading CARtoons like we all did growing up, while still entertaining the adults we all have all grown to be. Also illustrations with exaggerated big tires and engines sticking out the hoods like Big Daddy Roth’s style is what I push for our fans to see more of. Speaking of Big Daddy Roth, we just announced that Rat Fink will be a permanent comic strip starting with Issue #15. This is great news as we are making CARtoons history with this character that has been long overdue needing to be in the pages of CARtoons. We are honored to work with the Roth family to make this happen. 


Reams: What kind of future plans/features are there for CARtoons mag? 
 Methot: My #1 goal is to get fully established where we have a budget to do a lot more then we are doing now. The problem we are having is 90% of the world still doesn't know CARtoons is back. We hear it all the time while on tour or by emails. The question is how do we get this exciting news that CARtoons is back from the dead, to go viral? At this moment, we rely on social media, vending at big shows, word of mouth and of course interviews like the one we are having now. Thanks for this by the way.

Once we get fully established, expect to see more merch with CARtoons. Nostalgia is hot these days and CARtoons was never branded like it should have been. So better late then never. The sky is the limit with this iconic trademark. I see the future for CARtoons getting into the toy industry, video game industry & maybe an animated motion picture or TV show about CARtoons Magazine on tour to all the big car show events. Dream big and big things will happen.

Also for the magazine itself, we will continue to entertain with the characters & stories our readers have grown to love. You will also see special guest celebrities as CARtoon characters in certain issues of CARtoons Magazines. Plus, when you meet a lot of great gear-heads in this industry with a lot of experience, you hear a lot of great historical stories that need to be shared. Amazing stories that must be shared with our readers and that is what we plan to do with the storytellers’ consent of course. We as a CARtoons Team just want to entertain our readers as best as we can. From comic strip stories, tech articles, learn how to draw CARs to fun entertainment like spot the difference, crossword puzzles and even car cut-outs. CARtoons is not just a "magazine", it is a highly collectible "Comic Book Mag", your #1 Hot Rod Comic, dude, it’s fricken’ CARtoons Magazine! 
 


Reams: Following up on that - there's an outline of Rat Fink on the cover of the current issue (#14) captioned "Coming Soon"... Is Rat Fink really coming back to the mag - and will it be reprints, new features with the character, or a mix?
 
 Methot:  As mentioned above, you are correct! Rat Fink will be a permanent comic strip in CARtoons Magazine from now on thanks to Ilene and the Roth family. Ed Roth was a big part of CARtoons in the 60's, so it just seems so right to have his legacy continue on into the pages of CARtoons. Expect to read fresh new stories of Rat Fink created by Rat Fink Licensed Artist, Chad Norman. His style and story telling is a perfect fit on how we would like to see Rat Fink in CARtoons. Don't forget that Rat Fink has a lot of legendary friends. Will we see them in his new adventures? Guess you need to get yourself a copy to find out or subscribe and have each issue come right to your door. 
 Reams: How did you manage to get back some of the original artists for the magazine? 
 Methot:  As mentioned, many of the original artists contacted me right away once they heard I had plans to republish CARtoons. This was amazing as this would give CARtoons that nostalgic feel to it. Plus I had new artists that grew up reading CARtoons that inspired them to be the artist they are today want to be part of the magazine. These new artists are making their mark with CARtoons as our readers enjoy their new comic strip adventures in each issue.

Then there are the special guest artists that have done covers and spotlights in the magazine like Mike Lavallee with his amazing airbrushing skills. You would have seen him on Foose’s Overhaulin TV show. Tony Squindo that illustrates for Metallica. Jim Lawson that illustrates Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Comic Books, Jeff Allison who was a Designer for Hotwheels and many more. For future special guest artists, that road is unknown, but exciting at the same time. 


Reams: How long have you been publishing - not just CARtoons, but in general?

Methot:  When I locked in the CARtoons trademark in 2015, I had zero experience in publishing. With a lot of research, I self taught myself with trial and error. I am sure schooling would have made the road to success a lot easier, but with no budget and time, that wasn’t an option. A huge thank you goes out to Steve Thamert, owner/publisher of Rat Rod Magazine. We had met when I started this magazine and anytime I had questions with publishing, he was kind to help and give his advice from his experience. 
 Reams: Where can CARtoons fans find a new copy of CARtoons? 
 Methot: First option would be to head to our website, cartoonsmag.com There you can purchase all our back issues, limited issues, digital issues, stickers, Iron-ons, swag, etc and of course a full subscription. If your mailman is careful with your mail, then you can’t go wrong with having each issue arrive right to your door.

Also on our website, we have a store locator that will pin point any retail stores in your area that sells CARtoons. We are in major retail stores such as Walmart, Barnes & Nobles, Chapters, Kroger’s etc. If no retail stores near you sell CARtoons, then just head to your local comic book store and if they order from “PREVIEWS” catalog, then they can order CARtoons for you every time a new issue comes out. When you purchase a CARtoons Magazine or subscribe, you are not just buying the #1 One Hot Rod Comic Book Mag in the world, you are also supporting a family business and the artists that contribute to it. If every original fan of CARtoons committed to the magazine, our budget would allow us to be even better than it possibly could be.

So spread the word to all your friends and family and pick up a copy today. You will definitely not be disappointed as it is rare today to purchase a magazine for only $5.99 USD that comes with 64 pages of pure entertainment and very little ads. The Poster Insert is of course an added bonus.

Crypt of MADness magazine would like to thank CARtoons magazine publisher Marc Methot for allowing us to interview him!!

[recentanimenews]

Crunchyroll Favorites 2018 Part Three: EVERYTHING ELSE!

 This is it--the final installment of CRUNCHYROLL FAVORITES 2018! In our first feature, we talked about our favorite anime and manga of the past year, and yesterday we shared our favorite video games. Today, we wrap up with one of my favorite parts of CR Favorites: "EVERYTHING ELSE!"

  Instead of posting individual articles for everybody's favorite movies, books, music, TV shows, sports moments, life moments, and so on and so forth, we just pile them all here into the "Everything Else" installment and share what's important to us that isn't related to anime, manga, or video games.

  Just like before, the rules are simple: only stuff that came out in 2018, or continuing works that had a major milestone last year. You're gonna get to see a lot of different lists from different people--let's get started!

  Nate Ming

The Night Comes for Us- Timo Tjahjanto brings most of the gang from The Raid and its sequel back for this absolute onslaught of perfectly-choreographed action that refuses to let up--or look away. This one's for the hardest of hardcore action fans, and absolutely not for the squeamish.

Mandy- Nicolas Cage teams up with the stylish and totally gonzo Panos Cosmatos for a trippy, violent ride that starts as a horror story and ends up as a wild action/revenge flick. A friend of mine pointed out that Mandy is the closest we'll probably ever get to a live-action Berserk, and y'know what? He's right.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse- It's rare when, while watching a movie, I don't want it to end. It's almost as rare when it wraps up and I immediately want to watch it again. Into the Spider-Verse has it all: pure emotion, an outstanding soundtrack, action that's like greased lightning, and characters I want to spend even more time with. More like this, please.

Fighting in the Age of Loneliness- Jon Bois--already known for his insightful, fun breakdowns of sports minutiae--teams up with Felix Biederman for a deep dive into the stories that make the history of mixed martial arts. Even people who aren't MMA-heads will dig this--check it out and learn why people fighting in a cage for money is so compelling.

Amanda Nunes vs Cris Cyborg- And speaking of that, in just 51 seconds Amanda "Lioness" Nunes took down the undefeated Cris Cyborg, trading shots until Cyborg caught a huge overhand right and dropped. What a showdown--women's MMA has always been great, but now is the time of legends.

Honorable Mentions: Braven, Creed II, Hereditary

Nicole Mejias

A more stable life- 2017 and 2018 have been very trying years of my life, and I’m glad I made it through in one piece. Depression is something I’m still battling with, but it’s something I’m thankfully more in control of these days. I’m very grateful for my close friends who helped me when I felt I was lost; without them I wouldn’t be here. Thank you! Let’s conquer our goals in 2019!

CEO x NJPW show- I talked about this show briefly in my CEO 2018 report, but my goodness, it was quite the mind blowing show! I never expected NJPW to make it out to Florida of all places, and I certainly didn’t expect the world of fighting games and wrestling to come together in beautiful harmony! It’s a show I’ll remember for a very long time.

Crunchyroll Expo 2018 experience- It was my first time going to this event, and I was very impressed by pretty much everything the convention had to offer! Add in the bonus of meeting up with colleagues face-to-face for the first time and network with amazing folks, and it was an event that I was very happy to be a part of. I’ll be back again this year!

Working for Crunchyroll- The biggest highlight of 2018 was when I got the chance to work here, which was something I didn’t think would happen. Started as a video script writer, then moved on to becoming a features writer and editor! This job has helped me out in so many countless ways, and I’m really blessed to be here and that I’m working with such an awesome group of people!

Daniel Dockery

Beginning My Crunchyroll Writer Journey- Writing about anime for a lot of websites usually requires some handholding (“Hey kids. Have you heard of anime? Before I begin my actual article, here’s a half page about what anime actually is.”) Luckily, Crunchyroll came along and has let me geek out about One Piece for six months. God bless them.

Creed II- After his awesome performances in Universal Soldier: Regeneration and Day of Reckoning, it was only a matter of time before Dolph Lundgren became the heart of a major blockbuster.

Deadwood Movie Hype- It’s finally happening. The Deadwood movie that’s been talked about since 2006 is going to be in front of me in 2019. I don’t want to say that the power of my dreams made this happen, but I will. You can thank me all now.

Shrimp Tacos- Have y’all had these? They’re great!

Peter Fobian

Shonen Jump- I promise I’m not getting paid to tell you that Shonen Jump made history in 2018. They made the most popular comics magazine in the world FREE. They’re selling access to one of the largest collections of comics in the world at a pittance. This is the best deal in the history of comics, hands down. I’m only one month in and have already burned through over 20 volumes of manga. I’m actually going to catch up to One Piece. This is unreal.

Annihilation- I almost missed this movie since they did very little way in the promotion, and man am I glad I saw it in theaters. An awesome sci-fi horror film with a great premise, great cast, some fantastic effects, and a legendary ending. Even if you were underwhelmed by the majority of the film, those last 15 minutes aren’t going to leave your head anytime soon.

Wanikani- Various life circumstances have made it hard for me to continue in-class Japanese studies so I started up Wanikani in January at the recommendation of a friend. It’s the easiest to keep up with language studying app I’ve managed to main pretty consistent all year, finishing off 2018 with a 2000 written word vocabulary is pretty good, I think. I really want to hit max level...

Ricky Soberano

All of the wine I’ve drank- Cheers to speaking about the difference between organic, kosher, vegan, and orange wines. Biggest cheers to figuring out my preferred wine region (Piedmont) and enjoying every Barbera and Barolo I had the privilege of consuming.

The streetwear collabs that mattered- Thank you, universe, for finally getting it. The same people that love manga and anime can also love fashion and finally have a means to show it off to the world. This is why the Primitive x DBZ drop popped off. This is what made the Uniqlo x Shonen Jump collection so important. I can’t wait to see even more in 2019.

Crazy Rich Asians breaking the world- Everything was riding on this film to do well. The future of Hollywood’s treatment towards Asian casts, writing, and films hung in the balance and it slayed the box office. The phenomenon surrounding it was as electric as the film itself.

Japanese Breakfast’s article on H-Mart- My uncle had passed away a few weeks before one of my favorite singers published her first article for The New Yorker. It’s a beautiful testament to coming to terms with identity as an Asian-American, mourning, and food.  

Everything that Childish Gambino has blessed us with this year- This special supernova doesn’t need to go so hard on every project that he works on but he does anyways simply because he can and if you can’t appreciate that then you can enter that black hole over there.

Emily Bushman

Victoria Schwab- One of my favorite authors because she writes fantastic stories, and her new YA book, City of Ghosts, is no exception. It’s like a cross between Stranger Things and the best parts of Scotland, with just a DAB of Harry Potter, and I love everything about it. Her other new novel, Vengeful (sequel to Vicious), also soared high for me with three superior villains who plotted death and destruction, all the way to a satisfying conclusion.

Supernatural- I’m late to the game... but why does it feel good to do something as bad as binge-watching 13 straight seasons over a three month period? To be fair, my friend and I are only on season 9, but we’re getting there. Slowly. Steadily. The checkout lady at our local grocery store approves. And if I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that everyone should have a moose in their life. Get your moose, people. Get your moose.

Haunting of Hill House- The original book by Shirley Jackson (of “The Lottery”) was a favorite of mine, but the Netflix adaptation took it to a whole new level. Love the book, love the show, and love the questions about what it means to be a family, what can happen when a family turns against itself, what it means to be a ghost, either alive or dead, and, most importantly, how the trappings of a perfect life can turn into the ties that bind us down.

Sticky Toffee Pudding- This is a British thing, but I live and die for it and was recently reminded of how much I love it when my best friend begged me to make it for her, gluten free. It’s the perfect gooey sweet sheet cake, with to-die-for caramel toffee sauce. Please try this. This is my favorite recipe, from my favorite queen of internet food blogging, Deb Perelman. You can make it with Cup for Cup, a gluten free flour substitute, and it tastes essentially the same. >> http://bit.ly/2fE1OvW

Strange the Dreamer- Written by Laini Taylor, it’s a YA novel about a boy named Strange, the Dreamer. It’s a weird mix of pseudo-Egyptian Gods, alchemic research, and impossible puzzles that is both fascinating and, well, dream-like. It is unusual, the outlier in a field of run-of-the-mill stories, but it entranced me, and I eagerly await the sequel.

Nick Creamer

The Haunting of Hill House- Ostensibly based on the classic Shirley Jackson novel, Netflix’s Haunting of Hill House abandons the book’s narrative entirely, and instead tells a story about family, forgiveness, and the meaning of home, all filtered through the profoundly haunted titular house. Though the film’s dialogue can get a little clumsy, its evocative cinematography, psychologically scrambled cast, and sharp understanding of horror make it satisfying both for its thrills and its sympathetic emotional core. In a year I’ve spent binging whatever horror anthologies I can find, Hill House has risen to the top.

Offerings- As the follow-up to the staggering concept album White Lighter, Typhoon’s Offerings had some serious shoes to fill. The resulting album absolutely blew me away, with its comparatively stripped-down sound offering a harrowing journey through the steady disintegration of a fraying mind. Lines like “the part of you that I love is still in there, even if it doesn’t know my name” cut to the heart of watching a loved one fade away, and offered understanding in a very tough year. Offerings is a difficult listen, but it’s worth it.

Cooking- After a former housemate gifted me and my roommates a slow cooker last winter, we embarked on a lengthy journey to actually learn how to feed ourselves. After a long and arduous year of training, I am proud to say I can probably avoid incinerating a chicken at this point, and perhaps even prepare a soup. Getting there!

Kara Dennison

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch- I will never stop talking about this, and you can’t stop me. It’s my happy union of Charlie Brooker’s hardcore video game geekdom, my love of choice-based gaming, and my inexplicable desire to disturb myself at every given opportunity. It’s been at least a year since I lifted my hands off a keyboard and walked away because I was so affected. That’s how hard it got me.

Gabutto Burger- A recent trip to visit a friend in Illinois ended up with us at this anime fan-friendly burger place, run by a Japanese family and branded to the gills with mascot characters. It’s as close as I’m going to get (for now) to going to a collab café, plus the food was amazing.

The Night Before Critmas- I wish I had time for the full Critical Role experience, but their one-shots are just right for my schedule. This Christmas-skinned D&D campaign told the flipside of The Nightmare Before Christmas, with dangerously-skilled elves setting out to retrieve Santa from a legally-distinct talking bag of bugs. Their Crash Pandas campaign was no slouch, either.

Crunchyroll Social Media- This year I got to stick a toe in our social media department, running accounts for shows like Magical Girl Ore and How NOT to Summon a Demon Lord. I’ve loved getting to see what the fans enjoy and find more for them between episodes!

  ----

And that's a wrap for Crunchyroll Favorites 2018! Thanks for joining us for this three-parter, and we'll see you next year! If you're in the mood for more CR Favorites, here are the links to past years' features:

Crunchyroll Favorites 2017 Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2016 Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2015 Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2014 Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2013 Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2012 Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Crunchyroll News' Best of 2011 Part One | Part Two

What were your favorite "everything else" parts of 2018? Remember, this is a FAVORITES list, not a BEST-OF list, so there are no wrong answers--sound off in the comments and share your favorites!

-----

Nate Ming is the Features Editor for Crunchyroll News and creator of the long-running Fanart Friday column. You can follow him on Twitter at @NateMing. His comic, Shaw City Strikers, launches January 15, 2019.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[radlybatesvaluations-blog]

Adam Radly Bob Bates: $250m valuation by pivot from online games to meditation company

Adam Radly Bob Bates https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/321960 One summer morning in 2014, Michael Acton Smith sat on a balcony overlooking a lush green valley in the Austrian alps. He had booked a vacation by himself to get away from the stress of his crumbling online gaming company. The view, composed of abundant grass and far-off mountains, seemed almost cookie-cutter -- evoking a postcard, a computer desktop, a backdrop to rousing words on a motivational poster. But Acton Smith wasn’t taking in the scenery. His eyes were closed, and his mind was clear. That stretch -- 10 minutes of peace, he recalls -- was the co-founder of Calm’s most clarifying meditation experience. A friend (and Calm’s co-founder), Alex Tew, had entreated him to try the practice, but Acton Smith had rolled his eyes for years. It's too woo-woo, he thought. Religious. And what's up with the incense and outfits? Finally, after a mountain of stress at his company and continued encouragement from Tew, Acton Smith gave meditation a real shot. Two years later, Acton Smith would join Tew in devoting himself to Calm full-time. It paid off. In 2015, he said, the meditation app brought in $2 million. By 2017, revenue had multiplied tenfold -- and the company won out over millions of others for Apple’s App of the Year. Seated on that balcony in 2014, conscious of his breath, Acton Smith opened his eyes for the first time. He calls it his lightbulb moment. Everything around him seemed brighter.

The Detour

Acton Smith’s childhood was filled with pet rocks, Tamagotchis and video games, so it was only natural that around age 30, he started a kids’ entertainment company. Mind Candy focused on online gaming, and soon after its launch in 2003, Acton Smith raised $10 million in venture funding. The idea that landed him the cash? Perplex City, a long-term alternative reality game in the form of a global treasure hunt. Users around the world would search for a stolen artifact from a fictional metropolis (Perplex City) using clues, puzzles and ciphers, the winner receiving a real-life reward of 100,000 pounds. The search began in April 2005. Clues were decoded, trading cards were purchased and communities were formed, with the game wrapping up after one man found the artifact and won the reward in February 2007. But the game, at least financially speaking, was better in theory, and Mind Candy put the second round on hold indefinitely. It was a “commercial disaster,” Acton Smith says. With less than $1 million left in the company’s account, he knew he had to do something quick to turn things around. He spent months brainstorming in London coffee shops with nothing to show for it except fruitless scribbles. But one day, Acton Smith’s napkin doodles yielded a series of little monsters, and he knew he had something. Those doodles would evolve into Moshi Monsters, an internet “pet” that, beginning in October 2007, would take the U.K. by storm. The world of Moshi Monsters was similar to that of Neopets or Tamagotchi -- kids could log on and feed, hug or walk their monsters, and the pets’ personalities developed according to how well they were treated. There were online games, puzzles, shops -- even a messaging system for kids to chat with their friends. And those kids were the product’s best ambassadors, spreading the game like wildfire among classmates, extended family and friends at different schools. “It took a few years before it caught fire, but when it did … it grew like nothing I’d ever seen before,” Acton Smith says. By the game’s 2012 peak, half of all British childrenages six to 12 had reportedly adopted a Moshi Monster. That level of growth resulted in a broad swath of partnerships. With Sony, a music album. With Universal Studios, a movie that premiered around the country. With SkyJack Publishing, a magazine that -- within six months of its launch -- became the best-selling children’s title in the U.K. Tens of millions of physical toys were being sold, awards were being won, team members were being hired (at one point, Mind Candy had more than 200 employees). “We thought we were going to be the next Disney,” Acton Smith says. But by fall 2012, Moshi Monsters had begun to fall apart. To Acton Smith’s shock, the virality that had propelled Moshi Monsters into being the “coolest thing on the playground” was also the principal factor in its demise. For the past couple of years, Moshi Monsters’ subscription model had been raking in revenue -- parents paid for their kids to use the site, and there wasn’t much competition at the time. But in 2012, parents began buying their kids smartphones and tablets instead. The brand faltered when it attempted the switch from internet platform to mobile app. The revenue model would have had to change from subscriptions to in-app purchases, the company’s marketing technique would have required an overhaul and, with thousands of other apps at a child’s fingertips, there was simply too much competition. One minute, Acton Smith felt like the poster boy of the U.K. tech scene with hundreds of millions of dollars at his disposal. A few weeks later, he couldn’t sleep through the night for fear of being unable to keep his company afloat. That constant stress would last for years. “I thought the world was ending,” Acton Smith says. He felt his self-worth and success were interwoven with the business, so when it began to fail, he felt completely responsible. That led to bouts of insomnia, exhaustion, headaches -- and things worsened when, over the next three years, he had to lay off 200 employees. Acton Smith learned a valuable lesson about the often-fickle world of entertainment -- particularly kids’ entertainment. “Just because you’re growing like crazy doesn’t mean you’re going to grow like crazy forever,” he says.

The Leap

In 2006, Acton Smith met Alex Tew for the first time on a boat. The year before, he’d seen a deluge of headlines surrounding Tew, a teenager who, to raise money for college, created a website and sold each of its million pixels for a dollar each -- reaching millionaire status in just four months. The two became fast friends, then housemates. Tew was the first person to teach Acton Smith about meditation, and they often sat on their sofa discussing philosophy, neuroscience and business ideas. In 2012, the two purchased Calm.com with the hazy idea to create products to help people relax, but although they floated ideas such as soothing videos and relaxing sound effects, they weren’t sure of its concrete direction. The next year, Tew moved to San Francisco for another job, and the two had regular transatlantic phone calls about the future of the company. The next year, for Acton Smith’s birthday, he, Tew and a group of friends took a trip to the Italian countryside. They had in-depth conversations about mindfulness and where they might take Calm, and they meditated together in the Tuscan hills. That same year, when Moshi Monsters’ revenue began to tank, Acton Smith did something he’d never done before: Take a step back, alone in a new place, and collect his thoughts. He decided on a solo trip to the Austrian Alps and brought along books on meditation. One of them, 10% Happier, struck a chord. Nightline anchor (and, as he puts it, “lifelong nonbeliever” in self-help) Dan Harris had penned it after experiencing a panic attack on Good Morning America, then finding a down-to-earth meditation regimen that worked for him. Something clicked for Acton Smith when he discovered that meditation wasn’t as much about incense or religion as it was about neuroscience. “I realized it was an ancient but valuable skill that could be relevant for everybody,” he said. He tried it on his hotel balcony on vacation, and afterward, he felt less stressed and more conscious of his breath. Colors even appeared more vivid. Though Tew had been pushing Calm’s focus on meditation for a while, it wasn’t until Acton Smith’s balcony meditation experience that he agreed. Later that day, Acton Smith pulled out his notebook and poured out ideas for the company. He had experienced firsthand how stressful life -- and business -- was in Western society, and he felt that for most people, the future skewed even more stressful. He remembers thinking: Instead of being in the entertainment industry -- here today, gone tomorrow -- what if we could build a brand that could outlast us and be here for centuries? Wouldn’t that be an amazing thing to dedicate the rest of our careers to? Over the next year or two, Tew and Acton Smith chatted via phone, found developers and started to build Calm as it is now -- guided meditation and programs for everyone, both beginner and advanced. By January 2016, Acton Smith finally felt ready to step away from Mind Candy. He found a new CEO to take over (though he maintains, to date, his role as chairman) and moved to San Francisco to dedicate himself completely to Calm. He and Tew, who had already been working full time on Calm, agreed to be co-CEOs and split the company equally, but at the time, revenue was touch-and-go -- and the company didn’t have much money banked.

The Breaking Point

During the first half of 2016, Acton Smith worried whether Calm would be able to “keep the lights on.” At the company’s lowest point, there were a few thousand dollars left in the bank. It didn’t help that potential investors kept giving them the boot. Acton Smith and Tew left dozens of pitch meetings with “no” ringing in their ears. “When that happens a few times, you can cope,” Acton Smith says. “When it happens dozens of times, it makes you question whether you’re on the right path and whether smart investors know more than you do.” Acton Smith heard through the grapevine that one investor had called Calm a “load of nonsense,” saying it was “never going to work.” He remembers another described the company as a “fluffy little meditation app.” Venture capitalists backed up their decisions with an investing idea championed by Warren Buffett -- the need for a “moat,” or an ability to maintain an advantage over competitors. Everyone seemed to think consumers could access the same services elsewhere for free -- that they wouldn’t pay for what Calm offered.

The Turnaround

After about six months, Acton Smith and Tew decided they had no choice but to make the business profitable. They kept the team size under 10, worked long hours in a one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco and sharply questioned every outgoing dollar. Acton Smith paid for many of Calm’s expenses on his personal credit card. By early 2016, Calm finally broke even.

Acton Smith and Calm co-founder Alex Tew Image credit: Calm Although the small team worked out of that one-bedroom apartment for the first year or so, it’s now grown to 40 employees -- and together, they begin each day with a 10-minute meditation. Acton Smith said he feels Calm is holding onto a rocket ship for dear life and that there’s much further to go. He projected Calm’s 2018 revenue to be $80 million -- a far cry from the tens of thousands he spent on his credit card during launch. In June, Calm raised $27 million in a Series A funding round -- pegging the company’s valuation at $250 million. “The mind doesn’t come with an instruction manual,” Acton Smith says. “This is … the closest thing I’ve found.” To date, 35 million people have downloaded Calm, but, he says, that’s less than 2 percent of the number of smartphones worldwide. Acton Smith says he aims to bring meditation to every single one.

Radly Bates affiliates: S7 Group Radly Bates Index Radly Bates Consulting Radly Bates Capital Radly Bates Associates Radly Bates Digital Radly Bates Valuations Follow us on social: https://issuu.com/radlybatesconsulting https://issuu.com/radlybatescapital https://issuu.com/radlybatesdigital https://issuu.com/radlybatesassociates. https://issuu.com/radlybatesvaluations https://issuu.com/s7loans  

      Read the full article

[radlybatesconsulting-blog]

Adam Radly Bob Bates: $250m valuation by pivot from online games to meditation company

Adam Radly Bob Bates https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/321960 One summer morning in 2014, Michael Acton Smith sat on a balcony overlooking a lush green valley in the Austrian alps. He had booked a vacation by himself to get away from the stress of his crumbling online gaming company. The view, composed of abundant grass and far-off mountains, seemed almost cookie-cutter -- evoking a postcard, a computer desktop, a backdrop to rousing words on a motivational poster. But Acton Smith wasn’t taking in the scenery. His eyes were closed, and his mind was clear. That stretch -- 10 minutes of peace, he recalls -- was the co-founder of Calm’s most clarifying meditation experience. A friend (and Calm’s co-founder), Alex Tew, had entreated him to try the practice, but Acton Smith had rolled his eyes for years. It's too woo-woo, he thought. Religious. And what's up with the incense and outfits? Finally, after a mountain of stress at his company and continued encouragement from Tew, Acton Smith gave meditation a real shot. Two years later, Acton Smith would join Tew in devoting himself to Calm full-time. It paid off. In 2015, he said, the meditation app brought in $2 million. By 2017, revenue had multiplied tenfold -- and the company won out over millions of others for Apple’s App of the Year. Seated on that balcony in 2014, conscious of his breath, Acton Smith opened his eyes for the first time. He calls it his lightbulb moment. Everything around him seemed brighter.

The Detour

Acton Smith’s childhood was filled with pet rocks, Tamagotchis and video games, so it was only natural that around age 30, he started a kids’ entertainment company. Mind Candy focused on online gaming, and soon after its launch in 2003, Acton Smith raised $10 million in venture funding. The idea that landed him the cash? Perplex City, a long-term alternative reality game in the form of a global treasure hunt. Users around the world would search for a stolen artifact from a fictional metropolis (Perplex City) using clues, puzzles and ciphers, the winner receiving a real-life reward of 100,000 pounds. The search began in April 2005. Clues were decoded, trading cards were purchased and communities were formed, with the game wrapping up after one man found the artifact and won the reward in February 2007. But the game, at least financially speaking, was better in theory, and Mind Candy put the second round on hold indefinitely. It was a “commercial disaster,” Acton Smith says. With less than $1 million left in the company’s account, he knew he had to do something quick to turn things around. He spent months brainstorming in London coffee shops with nothing to show for it except fruitless scribbles. But one day, Acton Smith’s napkin doodles yielded a series of little monsters, and he knew he had something. Those doodles would evolve into Moshi Monsters, an internet “pet” that, beginning in October 2007, would take the U.K. by storm. The world of Moshi Monsters was similar to that of Neopets or Tamagotchi -- kids could log on and feed, hug or walk their monsters, and the pets’ personalities developed according to how well they were treated. There were online games, puzzles, shops -- even a messaging system for kids to chat with their friends. And those kids were the product’s best ambassadors, spreading the game like wildfire among classmates, extended family and friends at different schools. “It took a few years before it caught fire, but when it did … it grew like nothing I’d ever seen before,” Acton Smith says. By the game’s 2012 peak, half of all British childrenages six to 12 had reportedly adopted a Moshi Monster. That level of growth resulted in a broad swath of partnerships. With Sony, a music album. With Universal Studios, a movie that premiered around the country. With SkyJack Publishing, a magazine that -- within six months of its launch -- became the best-selling children’s title in the U.K. Tens of millions of physical toys were being sold, awards were being won, team members were being hired (at one point, Mind Candy had more than 200 employees). “We thought we were going to be the next Disney,” Acton Smith says. But by fall 2012, Moshi Monsters had begun to fall apart. To Acton Smith’s shock, the virality that had propelled Moshi Monsters into being the “coolest thing on the playground” was also the principal factor in its demise. For the past couple of years, Moshi Monsters’ subscription model had been raking in revenue -- parents paid for their kids to use the site, and there wasn’t much competition at the time. But in 2012, parents began buying their kids smartphones and tablets instead. The brand faltered when it attempted the switch from internet platform to mobile app. The revenue model would have had to change from subscriptions to in-app purchases, the company’s marketing technique would have required an overhaul and, with thousands of other apps at a child’s fingertips, there was simply too much competition. One minute, Acton Smith felt like the poster boy of the U.K. tech scene with hundreds of millions of dollars at his disposal. A few weeks later, he couldn’t sleep through the night for fear of being unable to keep his company afloat. That constant stress would last for years. “I thought the world was ending,” Acton Smith says. He felt his self-worth and success were interwoven with the business, so when it began to fail, he felt completely responsible. That led to bouts of insomnia, exhaustion, headaches -- and things worsened when, over the next three years, he had to lay off 200 employees. Acton Smith learned a valuable lesson about the often-fickle world of entertainment -- particularly kids’ entertainment. “Just because you’re growing like crazy doesn’t mean you’re going to grow like crazy forever,” he says.

The Leap

In 2006, Acton Smith met Alex Tew for the first time on a boat. The year before, he’d seen a deluge of headlines surrounding Tew, a teenager who, to raise money for college, created a website and sold each of its million pixels for a dollar each -- reaching millionaire status in just four months. The two became fast friends, then housemates. Tew was the first person to teach Acton Smith about meditation, and they often sat on their sofa discussing philosophy, neuroscience and business ideas. In 2012, the two purchased Calm.com with the hazy idea to create products to help people relax, but although they floated ideas such as soothing videos and relaxing sound effects, they weren’t sure of its concrete direction. The next year, Tew moved to San Francisco for another job, and the two had regular transatlantic phone calls about the future of the company. The next year, for Acton Smith’s birthday, he, Tew and a group of friends took a trip to the Italian countryside. They had in-depth conversations about mindfulness and where they might take Calm, and they meditated together in the Tuscan hills. That same year, when Moshi Monsters’ revenue began to tank, Acton Smith did something he’d never done before: Take a step back, alone in a new place, and collect his thoughts. He decided on a solo trip to the Austrian Alps and brought along books on meditation. One of them, 10% Happier, struck a chord. Nightline anchor (and, as he puts it, “lifelong nonbeliever” in self-help) Dan Harris had penned it after experiencing a panic attack on Good Morning America, then finding a down-to-earth meditation regimen that worked for him. Something clicked for Acton Smith when he discovered that meditation wasn’t as much about incense or religion as it was about neuroscience. “I realized it was an ancient but valuable skill that could be relevant for everybody,” he said. He tried it on his hotel balcony on vacation, and afterward, he felt less stressed and more conscious of his breath. Colors even appeared more vivid. Though Tew had been pushing Calm’s focus on meditation for a while, it wasn’t until Acton Smith’s balcony meditation experience that he agreed. Later that day, Acton Smith pulled out his notebook and poured out ideas for the company. He had experienced firsthand how stressful life -- and business -- was in Western society, and he felt that for most people, the future skewed even more stressful. He remembers thinking: Instead of being in the entertainment industry -- here today, gone tomorrow -- what if we could build a brand that could outlast us and be here for centuries? Wouldn’t that be an amazing thing to dedicate the rest of our careers to? Over the next year or two, Tew and Acton Smith chatted via phone, found developers and started to build Calm as it is now -- guided meditation and programs for everyone, both beginner and advanced. By January 2016, Acton Smith finally felt ready to step away from Mind Candy. He found a new CEO to take over (though he maintains, to date, his role as chairman) and moved to San Francisco to dedicate himself completely to Calm. He and Tew, who had already been working full time on Calm, agreed to be co-CEOs and split the company equally, but at the time, revenue was touch-and-go -- and the company didn’t have much money banked.

The Breaking Point

During the first half of 2016, Acton Smith worried whether Calm would be able to “keep the lights on.” At the company’s lowest point, there were a few thousand dollars left in the bank. It didn’t help that potential investors kept giving them the boot. Acton Smith and Tew left dozens of pitch meetings with “no” ringing in their ears. “When that happens a few times, you can cope,” Acton Smith says. “When it happens dozens of times, it makes you question whether you’re on the right path and whether smart investors know more than you do.” Acton Smith heard through the grapevine that one investor had called Calm a “load of nonsense,” saying it was “never going to work.” He remembers another described the company as a “fluffy little meditation app.” Venture capitalists backed up their decisions with an investing idea championed by Warren Buffett -- the need for a “moat,” or an ability to maintain an advantage over competitors. Everyone seemed to think consumers could access the same services elsewhere for free -- that they wouldn’t pay for what Calm offered.

The Turnaround

After about six months, Acton Smith and Tew decided they had no choice but to make the business profitable. They kept the team size under 10, worked long hours in a one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco and sharply questioned every outgoing dollar. Acton Smith paid for many of Calm’s expenses on his personal credit card. By early 2016, Calm finally broke even.

Acton Smith and Calm co-founder Alex Tew Image credit: Calm Although the small team worked out of that one-bedroom apartment for the first year or so, it’s now grown to 40 employees -- and together, they begin each day with a 10-minute meditation. Acton Smith said he feels Calm is holding onto a rocket ship for dear life and that there’s much further to go. He projected Calm’s 2018 revenue to be $80 million -- a far cry from the tens of thousands he spent on his credit card during launch. In June, Calm raised $27 million in a Series A funding round -- pegging the company’s valuation at $250 million. “The mind doesn’t come with an instruction manual,” Acton Smith says. “This is … the closest thing I’ve found.” To date, 35 million people have downloaded Calm, but, he says, that’s less than 2 percent of the number of smartphones worldwide. Acton Smith says he aims to bring meditation to every single one.

Radly Bates affiliates: S7 Group Radly Bates Index Radly Bates Consulting Radly Bates Capital Radly Bates Associates Radly Bates Digital Radly Bates Valuations Follow us on social: https://issuu.com/radlybatesconsulting https://issuu.com/radlybatescapital https://issuu.com/radlybatesdigital https://issuu.com/radlybatesassociates. https://issuu.com/radlybatesvaluations https://issuu.com/s7loans  

      Read the full article

[radlybatesassociates-blog]

Adam Radly Bob Bates: $250m valuation by pivot from online games to meditation company

Adam Radly Bob Bates https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/321960 One summer morning in 2014, Michael Acton Smith sat on a balcony overlooking a lush green valley in the Austrian alps. He had booked a vacation by himself to get away from the stress of his crumbling online gaming company. The view, composed of abundant grass and far-off mountains, seemed almost cookie-cutter -- evoking a postcard, a computer desktop, a backdrop to rousing words on a motivational poster. But Acton Smith wasn’t taking in the scenery. His eyes were closed, and his mind was clear. That stretch -- 10 minutes of peace, he recalls -- was the co-founder of Calm’s most clarifying meditation experience. A friend (and Calm’s co-founder), Alex Tew, had entreated him to try the practice, but Acton Smith had rolled his eyes for years. It's too woo-woo, he thought. Religious. And what's up with the incense and outfits? Finally, after a mountain of stress at his company and continued encouragement from Tew, Acton Smith gave meditation a real shot. Two years later, Acton Smith would join Tew in devoting himself to Calm full-time. It paid off. In 2015, he said, the meditation app brought in $2 million. By 2017, revenue had multiplied tenfold -- and the company won out over millions of others for Apple’s App of the Year. Seated on that balcony in 2014, conscious of his breath, Acton Smith opened his eyes for the first time. He calls it his lightbulb moment. Everything around him seemed brighter.

The Detour

Acton Smith’s childhood was filled with pet rocks, Tamagotchis and video games, so it was only natural that around age 30, he started a kids’ entertainment company. Mind Candy focused on online gaming, and soon after its launch in 2003, Acton Smith raised $10 million in venture funding. The idea that landed him the cash? Perplex City, a long-term alternative reality game in the form of a global treasure hunt. Users around the world would search for a stolen artifact from a fictional metropolis (Perplex City) using clues, puzzles and ciphers, the winner receiving a real-life reward of 100,000 pounds. The search began in April 2005. Clues were decoded, trading cards were purchased and communities were formed, with the game wrapping up after one man found the artifact and won the reward in February 2007. But the game, at least financially speaking, was better in theory, and Mind Candy put the second round on hold indefinitely. It was a “commercial disaster,” Acton Smith says. With less than $1 million left in the company’s account, he knew he had to do something quick to turn things around. He spent months brainstorming in London coffee shops with nothing to show for it except fruitless scribbles. But one day, Acton Smith’s napkin doodles yielded a series of little monsters, and he knew he had something. Those doodles would evolve into Moshi Monsters, an internet “pet” that, beginning in October 2007, would take the U.K. by storm. The world of Moshi Monsters was similar to that of Neopets or Tamagotchi -- kids could log on and feed, hug or walk their monsters, and the pets’ personalities developed according to how well they were treated. There were online games, puzzles, shops -- even a messaging system for kids to chat with their friends. And those kids were the product’s best ambassadors, spreading the game like wildfire among classmates, extended family and friends at different schools. “It took a few years before it caught fire, but when it did … it grew like nothing I’d ever seen before,” Acton Smith says. By the game’s 2012 peak, half of all British childrenages six to 12 had reportedly adopted a Moshi Monster. That level of growth resulted in a broad swath of partnerships. With Sony, a music album. With Universal Studios, a movie that premiered around the country. With SkyJack Publishing, a magazine that -- within six months of its launch -- became the best-selling children’s title in the U.K. Tens of millions of physical toys were being sold, awards were being won, team members were being hired (at one point, Mind Candy had more than 200 employees). “We thought we were going to be the next Disney,” Acton Smith says. But by fall 2012, Moshi Monsters had begun to fall apart. To Acton Smith’s shock, the virality that had propelled Moshi Monsters into being the “coolest thing on the playground” was also the principal factor in its demise. For the past couple of years, Moshi Monsters’ subscription model had been raking in revenue -- parents paid for their kids to use the site, and there wasn’t much competition at the time. But in 2012, parents began buying their kids smartphones and tablets instead. The brand faltered when it attempted the switch from internet platform to mobile app. The revenue model would have had to change from subscriptions to in-app purchases, the company’s marketing technique would have required an overhaul and, with thousands of other apps at a child’s fingertips, there was simply too much competition. One minute, Acton Smith felt like the poster boy of the U.K. tech scene with hundreds of millions of dollars at his disposal. A few weeks later, he couldn’t sleep through the night for fear of being unable to keep his company afloat. That constant stress would last for years. “I thought the world was ending,” Acton Smith says. He felt his self-worth and success were interwoven with the business, so when it began to fail, he felt completely responsible. That led to bouts of insomnia, exhaustion, headaches -- and things worsened when, over the next three years, he had to lay off 200 employees. Acton Smith learned a valuable lesson about the often-fickle world of entertainment -- particularly kids’ entertainment. “Just because you’re growing like crazy doesn’t mean you’re going to grow like crazy forever,” he says.

The Leap

In 2006, Acton Smith met Alex Tew for the first time on a boat. The year before, he’d seen a deluge of headlines surrounding Tew, a teenager who, to raise money for college, created a website and sold each of its million pixels for a dollar each -- reaching millionaire status in just four months. The two became fast friends, then housemates. Tew was the first person to teach Acton Smith about meditation, and they often sat on their sofa discussing philosophy, neuroscience and business ideas. In 2012, the two purchased Calm.com with the hazy idea to create products to help people relax, but although they floated ideas such as soothing videos and relaxing sound effects, they weren’t sure of its concrete direction. The next year, Tew moved to San Francisco for another job, and the two had regular transatlantic phone calls about the future of the company. The next year, for Acton Smith’s birthday, he, Tew and a group of friends took a trip to the Italian countryside. They had in-depth conversations about mindfulness and where they might take Calm, and they meditated together in the Tuscan hills. That same year, when Moshi Monsters’ revenue began to tank, Acton Smith did something he’d never done before: Take a step back, alone in a new place, and collect his thoughts. He decided on a solo trip to the Austrian Alps and brought along books on meditation. One of them, 10% Happier, struck a chord. Nightline anchor (and, as he puts it, “lifelong nonbeliever” in self-help) Dan Harris had penned it after experiencing a panic attack on Good Morning America, then finding a down-to-earth meditation regimen that worked for him. Something clicked for Acton Smith when he discovered that meditation wasn’t as much about incense or religion as it was about neuroscience. “I realized it was an ancient but valuable skill that could be relevant for everybody,” he said. He tried it on his hotel balcony on vacation, and afterward, he felt less stressed and more conscious of his breath. Colors even appeared more vivid. Though Tew had been pushing Calm’s focus on meditation for a while, it wasn’t until Acton Smith’s balcony meditation experience that he agreed. Later that day, Acton Smith pulled out his notebook and poured out ideas for the company. He had experienced firsthand how stressful life -- and business -- was in Western society, and he felt that for most people, the future skewed even more stressful. He remembers thinking: Instead of being in the entertainment industry -- here today, gone tomorrow -- what if we could build a brand that could outlast us and be here for centuries? Wouldn’t that be an amazing thing to dedicate the rest of our careers to? Over the next year or two, Tew and Acton Smith chatted via phone, found developers and started to build Calm as it is now -- guided meditation and programs for everyone, both beginner and advanced. By January 2016, Acton Smith finally felt ready to step away from Mind Candy. He found a new CEO to take over (though he maintains, to date, his role as chairman) and moved to San Francisco to dedicate himself completely to Calm. He and Tew, who had already been working full time on Calm, agreed to be co-CEOs and split the company equally, but at the time, revenue was touch-and-go -- and the company didn’t have much money banked.

The Breaking Point

During the first half of 2016, Acton Smith worried whether Calm would be able to “keep the lights on.” At the company’s lowest point, there were a few thousand dollars left in the bank. It didn’t help that potential investors kept giving them the boot. Acton Smith and Tew left dozens of pitch meetings with “no” ringing in their ears. “When that happens a few times, you can cope,” Acton Smith says. “When it happens dozens of times, it makes you question whether you’re on the right path and whether smart investors know more than you do.” Acton Smith heard through the grapevine that one investor had called Calm a “load of nonsense,” saying it was “never going to work.” He remembers another described the company as a “fluffy little meditation app.” Venture capitalists backed up their decisions with an investing idea championed by Warren Buffett -- the need for a “moat,” or an ability to maintain an advantage over competitors. Everyone seemed to think consumers could access the same services elsewhere for free -- that they wouldn’t pay for what Calm offered.

The Turnaround

After about six months, Acton Smith and Tew decided they had no choice but to make the business profitable. They kept the team size under 10, worked long hours in a one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco and sharply questioned every outgoing dollar. Acton Smith paid for many of Calm’s expenses on his personal credit card. By early 2016, Calm finally broke even.

Acton Smith and Calm co-founder Alex Tew Image credit: Calm Although the small team worked out of that one-bedroom apartment for the first year or so, it’s now grown to 40 employees -- and together, they begin each day with a 10-minute meditation. Acton Smith said he feels Calm is holding onto a rocket ship for dear life and that there’s much further to go. He projected Calm’s 2018 revenue to be $80 million -- a far cry from the tens of thousands he spent on his credit card during launch. In June, Calm raised $27 million in a Series A funding round -- pegging the company’s valuation at $250 million. “The mind doesn’t come with an instruction manual,” Acton Smith says. “This is … the closest thing I’ve found.” To date, 35 million people have downloaded Calm, but, he says, that’s less than 2 percent of the number of smartphones worldwide. Acton Smith says he aims to bring meditation to every single one.

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