#leah Williamson angst

[daphwritesworld]

Chapter 4— YKWIM?

content: Top!Leah, Bottom!Reader, pussy eating (both receiving), impact play (R receiving), face riding, degradation, caught cuddling, little flash of toxic!Leah, angry!Leah, & mean!Leah

warnings: allusions to heavy dom/sub relationship, one slap in the face, angst, Leah taking her anger out on Reader, calling reader a slut once, crying reader oops

synopsis: The arrival of a familiar face brings a whole new wave of emotions over you. Can you withstand the flesh and blood reminder of your past, or will it start to tear you apart?

word count: 3.7k

Series Masterlist: here.

!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!

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“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL– Y/N?!” A loud and all too familiar voice booms out. You and Leah jolt awake from the commotion, and you end up on the floor as a result. A rough sounding groan slips from your lips as the wind gets knocked out of you, sitting up as you rub at your head. “Darling, are you alright?” Leah’s concerned morning voice pulls you from your dazed confusion, scooping you up as she settles you back into couch cushions. 

“Somebody better start explaining– NOW!!” It’s only then that you realize she’s actually here, and that this isn't some horrible nightmare. Before Leah even has a chance to get words out, you’re springing up and dragging Keira into the downstairs bathroom. “HEY! Where are you two going?” Leah’s hoping up after the shock wears off, hot on your trail. “GIVE US A MINUTE!” And that stops her right in her tracks. Leah has NEVER heard you speak like that. The anger and hurt in your voice, and what’s that look on Keira’s face? She can't quite place it...

She just stands there with her hands in her pockets, anxiously biting at her lips as she thinks about all the possibilities. Oh god did you and Keira date? Is she her best friend's ex's rebound?? Are you married? Is that why you won't talk about your sudden departure from Barca? OH GOD..Leah is a mistress?!? Is that why you left in the middle of the night in Ibiza? Leaving Leah with nothing but your scent on her sheets and the fond memories you both now share…Because you had to cover up the tracks of your affair? Then like a brick drops on her head— did you break Keira's heart somehow? That look on her face…it was one of betrayal. And no matter how much she cares for you, she'd never speak to you again if that were true.

She gets pulled out of her head when the bathroom door reopens. Both of you come out, laughing and smiling as Keira shoves at your shoulder. You both come to a stop as you take in Leah's disheveled appearance, Keira cracking up as she runs to mess up Leah's hair with her hands. "You look like utter shit! Better go shower before I take your girlfriend home with me!"

A groan leaves your lips as wrap up in the blanket on the end of the couch, "She's NOT my girlfriend!"

"Oh sure! You just cuddle through the night with all your friends with benefits, don't you?" The redhead says as a smirk spreads across her face.

"You told her we're friends with benefits, you little worm?!" Leah looks at you with an offended look. 

"NO! I didn't even tell her we've had sex! Let alone—"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT!" Keira erupts into a fit, jumping off of Leah as she points an accusing finger your way. 

Your face goes red as you snap your mouth shut, not even realizing what was coming out of it until it was too late. "I'm delusional from the flu right now, don't put words in my mouth!"

Keira rolls her eyes as she crosses her arms across her chest, "YOU PUT THOSE WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH, YOU DINGUS!"

"HEY! Don't call her a dingus, carrot top," Leah hops back in. 

"Oh you've got it bad, Le. Defending her already? It's barely been a week, and you've let her come back to your flat? Are you sure you aren't the sick one?" Keira keeps poking fun at you two, making kissy faces at the blonde. 

"We've known each other way longer than a week! What are you even talking about— LEAH!" It's you interrupting her now. A pointed look on your face as you glare at her. Keira furrows her brows at first, looking between the two of you as the gears start turning in her head. Back, forth, back, forth, back, forth— her head snaps from you to her best mate. Then a lightbulb goes off, "OH MY GOD!" She turns to you as an incredulous look overtakes her face. "YOU'RE IBIZA GIRL!" 

"NO I'M NOT!" You yell out as you jump up to defend yourself. 

"YES YOU ARE!" Keira shoves her finger into your shoulder. 

"LEAH?" "LEAH!" You both turn to the blonde, looking for an end to this argument. She's just smiling at you two, silently laughing at the scene playing out in front of her. All her worries and doubts about you are completely gone from her mind at this moment. They just slip away as the ease of being with her two favorite people sinks in. 

"Oh, no. This is between you two. Figure it out like big girls," she moves to sit Keira down on the couch. Making you face each other as you roll your eyes at the cocky look breaking across her features. You can't keep your next words in, too tired to hold the sass in. "Stop making that face. It makes you look constipated."

"Keep deflecting! I know it's you," she smiles at you.

"Oh, yeah? How?" You look at her and tilt your head as you squint your eyes.

"Because you were gone last year at the exact same time. Those 3 weeks when Leah abandoned me in Ibiza? That's the same 3 weeks you said you were visiting back home, but then couldn't provide a single photo from your trip. It wasn't because you forgot, it's because you were getting your back blown out in a different continent. Plus, I'm the only one Leah's ever even told about her. So the only way you'd know is if you are her. BOOM!" Keira uses her hands to mimic an explosion at the end.

You stare at her with your mouth dropped open, cheeks redder than a tomato as her proud smirk mirrors Leah's. Did she really put all that together from the time she walked in to now? I guess you can never really hide anything from Keira…you already knew that though. Sooner or later she always finds out what you're hiding. 

"Okay, fine! But you are sworn to complete and utter secrecy, Walsh!" You point a finger this time, a smile finally gracing your features. "But seriously, we are NOT dating."

"Oh, come on! What does a girl gotta do to take you out?" Leah throws her head back dramatically, a loud sigh filling the space at the end of her tantrum. 

"I've already told you, Leah! I don't date my coworkers. Maybe if you transfer to Chels—"

"I'D RATHER BLOODY DIE THEN WEAR THAT JERSEY!" Leah cuts you off with a scrawl on her face. 

"Guess we'll stay acquaintances then, Williamson," the cocky smirk is on your lips now.

"We'll see about that, y/l/n." Leah leans in closer as she raises her eyebrows.

"Watching you two is like interactive reality tv. It's a fiery mess, but you can't look away…Anyways, I was just stopping by to see if Le would let me stay with her. I really don't feel like sleeping on a hotel bed for a few days," Keira says.

"Of course you can stay! God, Keira like that's even a question. You act like you don't have your own room and spare key," Leah says.

"Well I wasn't going to ask…Until I saw you all cuddled up with y/n in your little love nest," Keira fires back.

"Excuse you, if we're labeling it then it was more like a love cocoon," Leah challenges her. 

"Hey? Where are you going?" Keira asks you.

"Yeah! Was it a nest or a cocoon, darling?" Leah pouts your way.

And even though it does make your heart skip a beat, you push that feeling down. You wrestle it from your chest all the way down into your stomach. Where it's going to twist and turn your heart, your mind, and your sanity. "Sorry but this is between you two. Work it out like big girls," you use her earlier works against her. You go to grab a towel from the hall closet before heading to the bathroom, "I'm gonna hop in the shower now that I'm feeling better!" 

"Without me?" Leah calls out.

"Keep talking and I'll call Russo to be my new roommate!" You tease before shutting the door. As soon as the barrier of wood is up you feel your facade start to crumble. You truly do love Keira, but seeing her has been a rush of emotions. You know you two left things awkward and unsaid when you left Barca, but she did really try to be there for you…and you pushed her away. You iced out one of the only true friends you have, and then left without warning. You know you two have more to talk about, but at least you're back on good terms. The last time Keira caught you in a compromising position with someone, it was the beginning of a trainwreck. The reason for your departure….A messy and convoluted tale of her. A name that causes so much pain your brain refuses to even whisper it. She remains nameless and faceless in your mind. That’s the only way you can push through it— if you erase her from your being completely. You don’t allow the feelings to encompass your heart, and in turn, you never allow them to heal your soul. Just a walking open wound, always bleeding out with sorrow. Lashing out and hurting the ones closest to you. Because after all– hurt people hurt people.

So you follow through with your teasing threat, and you dial Alessia's number. She agrees to let you stay with her for a while after you explain the flu situation. As the phone call ends the shame bubbles up and spills out of you. You run to the toilet to release the burning sense of disgrace tumbling out of your throat. You flush before taking a second to let the sick feeling in your gut subside. 

You must take longer in the shower than you think, because soon Leah’s knocking on the door. “Hey you alright in there, darling? I’m starting to think you passed out and I need to kick the door down!” You laugh at her concern as you let the worries boggling your mind wash down the drain. Leah is a source of comfort...and you haven’t quite figured that out yet. You just know she makes you forget. All the pain, guilt, and memories…they all vanish when she's near you. Maybe that's why you always give into her advances; because the blinding pleasure brings a shield of solace in her embrace. "I'm fine, just needed a good ol’ fashion deep clean!" 

You turn off the water before reaching for your towel, and the door opens just as you pull the curtain back. You're scrambling to cover up your exposed body as a surprised yelp leaves your lips, "LEAH!" Your cheeks heat up as she racks her eyes up and down your body. She keeps walking towards you, purpose pouring out of every step she takes. When she approaches the shower entry you back up until you feel the cold tiles strike a shiver down your spine. "W-what are you doing?"

She walks right in and cages you to the wall, still dressed in her clothes and all. She grabs the top of the messily wrapped towel around your body and yanks it down. Her hands are quick to slide from your hips up to your chest, playing with your nipples as you shutter from the feeling. Leah's getting on her knees now, leaving a trail of kisses as she does. "Y-your pants, Le!"

She growls out as she nips at the skin above your navel. "I don't give a fuck about my pants! Keira finally left and I'm starving. Now be a good girl, and let me have my breakfast, okay?"

She doesn't give you a minute to protest, diving her tongue straight through your folds. She doesn't even pull back when she speaks again, the words mumbled into your pussy. "Been too fucking long since I've got to taste you." 

It makes you arch your back, pushing your cunt down onto Leah's face even more. "F-fuck! Please, Le— want your fingers!" 

"No. This isn't about you right now. So shut up before you get nothing," it's like a switch flipped. She was being so nice, and now her grip is tightening on your chest. The stinging feeling running down to your clit as she pinches your nipples. 

"But Le—" and with that she pulls away. An anger burning behind her eyes you've never seen before. "What did I say?" 

Your eyes widen at that, mouth falling open as you stare at her like a deer caught in headlights. Your cheeks get redder as the silence grows between you two, falling victim to the fiery look ablaze behind her eyes. It's like diving into the ocean and being swept away by the tides; there's no use in fighting it. "Fine. If you don't want to listen," She's standing up now and pulling at the sweatpants around her waist. Her panties quickly follow the same path as she throws them both behind her. "Then you're gonna use your mouth for the only thing it's good for." 

You can't help the way arousal seeps out of you at the thought. During this whole reunion of sorts, you've been the only one receiving. It sparks a passion in you to taste her cum, and after all like she said— it's been too fucking long. She grabs your hair as she forces you to your knees. It makes a whimper leave your lips from the force, but the pain in your legs only adds to your pleasure. She spreads her legs as she steps over you, and you moan as your hands go to run up her thighs. You feel the grip on your hair loosen and before you know it, she's on you. Her hands are pinning yours to the wall behind you, switching them to just one as she positions herself atop you. A light slap is sent across your cheek, and it makes a surprised moan fall from your lips.

Leah grabs your jaw after, forcing you to look her in the eyes. "You're just a selfish slut aren't you? Can't ever follow orders because it's not what you want, hmm?"

You go to defend yourself, but Leah's eyebrows raise as your mouth opens. You decide on closing your lips and shaking your head instead. A furrowed brow and a pout easily settling into your features. She just rolls her eyes at you, throwing your face out of her hold as she scoffs. "Oh, don't give me that look. It's not gonna save you this time. Now stick your fucking tongue out for me." 

Your need to prove her wrong is stronger than your need to be a brat right now. So you swallow down the sassy remark in your throat and do as she says. Open your mouth as you lay your tongue out flat. She's so close you can feel the heat radiating off of her, and it takes all your strength to hold yourself back. Your eyes go to watch as she sinks herself down onto you, and they close as her taste hits your tongue. But the sudden reentry of her hand into your hair ruins that, and she yanks your locks. Just a bit, enough to make you whimper and shift your sights to her. "Keep your eyes on me. Understand?"

You nod as best you can, and it makes your nose nudge against her clit. Causing a sequence of moans to tumble out from her lips. She starts grinding down into the pleasure, keeping your head in place with the hand in your hair. You could cum just like this, but it's still a struggle to not rub your thighs together from the sight above you. Leah's not got her shirt off, but you can still see her hard nipples poking through. It makes you moan into her pussy, and her hips stutter from the vibrations. You miss seeing Leah's tits, but you miss sucking on them more. Every night in Ibiza she'd have you straddling her lap, your mouth around one of her nipples as her fingers buried themselves inside of your cunt. 

Her hips grind into your face harder as she throws her head back. The muscles in your legs are burning now, and you know your knees will be bruised before the end of this. But you don't care, not when it's Leah. You'd stay down here till your legs went numb if that's what she needed. "Fuck me," she pulls on your locks, "Fuck me with your tongue, y/l/n."

You want to frown at the use of your last name. You like it when she calls you pet names during intimate moments like this— hell you even like it when she degrades you. But this seems more personal, like she's actually mad at you. Like that fire behind her eyes is more than just her dominant side taking over. So you do as she says, moving your tongue to slip into her hole as you try and prove yourself to her. You want to make up whatever it is you did to piss her off so bad. She starts moving your head along with her hand, adding extra force behind your thrusts. Her legs start shaking as the minutes pass by, her orgasm building with every flick of your tongue. Her juices are running down your chin, neck, and chest at this point. Effectively ruining the shower that turned your fingers and toes into prunes. 

"Just like that, keep going!" She groans out as above you. 

She spurs you on, laser focusing on keeping everything the same. You want— no you need to make her cum. Your jaw is beyond sore, but it doesn't deter you from your task at hand. How can you think about the pain in your jaw when you have a goddess placing her pussy onto your mouth? Easy— you don't!

You feel her legs start to close around your head a bit as she leans forward, bracing herself against the shower wall. Your head moves with her until you're pressed back against the tiles. Leah uses her newfound support to grind herself against you faster, sending a chorus of beautiful sounds to spill from her mouth. She's fucking your face as she has you completely pinned down and at her mercy. You're so exposed…so vulnerable. In your pleasure induced daze, you think about maybe— just maybe! Letting your guard down around her. You make the decision right then that you need to cancel your move to Alessia's, mentally writing a note to text her. You'll do it as soon as you two get done fooling around. Plus you'll both need a shower after this..and you guess she can join you this time. 

It only takes about five more thrusts for her to let out a broken moan, the precious cum you've been working towards finally spilling out onto your tongue. You can't help but let out a moan, too, the taste of her casting a glaze to cover your eyes. You slip further and further into the spacey feeling as you lick up her arousal. Now that she's let you have a taste of her, how are you gonna stop? 

You're pulled out of your thoughts as she pulls away from your body. She helps you up after she regains her strength, letting you cling to her as your legs wobble like a newborn foal. She sits you on the toilet as she goes to get you both some clean clothes. You smile to yourself as your fingers come up to collect some of her cum around your mouth, pushing them into your mouth as you clean them up. Even when she isn't looking— you're her good girl. You reach for your phone and click on Alessia's contact, but the door reopens just as you go to hit send. "Here, I put a few days worth of clothes in this. I washed your shorts and put them in there, too. Should keep you covered till you can swing back home."

She just turns around after handing you the bag, walking back towards the door. "W-wait! Where are you going? And do I really need my own bag while I stay here?" Your confused tone stops her in her tracks. You hear a scoff before she turns around, met with an infuriated Leah. 

"The last time I checked you ran in here to tell Alessia to come pick you up. So stop the bullshit. But I guess that's all you're good at, huh? Being a bullshitter," she says it without an inch of comfort in her voice. You suddenly feel way too exposed for this conversation, covering your naked body as best as you can with your hands. You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes as you start shaking your head. "L-Le, no that's not! I'm not— please just let me explain!" 

"You left me in Ibiza, you left your last crew, and so go ahead and leave again! Apparently it's the only thing you're bloody consistent at. You can't stay loyal to a god damn football team, so I don't know why, god forbid, I thought you'd stay for someone who actually fucking cares about you!" She's shouting now, her chest rising and falling with the anger brewing in her chest. 

The sobs can't stay locked inside you anymore. They rock through your body, enabling you speechless as the shock of her words sink in. She just shakes her head before turning back around, slamming the door so hard behind her that it bounces back open. Once you've calmed down after a few minutes, you quickly change into a pair of the clothes from the bag she gave you. You cry a little harder when you smell hints of her scent on the fabric, but it only fuels you to get dressed faster. You grab your phone and the bag from Leah before walking out of the bathroom. You keep your eyes on the floor, avoiding her presence in the living room. You reach for the front door as you storm out, more tears blurring your vision. You end up bumping into a body before you push past them, a whimpered apology leaving your lips. 

"Hey, y/n— what's wrong," Keira turns around to go after you, but Leah stops her as she approaches the door to watch you leave.

"Don't! Let her go. It's not like she ever stays, anyways."

[starsjulia]

spoilt rotten // leah williamson

masterlist

a/n : i flipping love writing leah x spoilt reader so here’s another one

warnings : fluff, playful teasing, kinda suggestive at the end

Leah Williamson was known for her unwavering focus on the pitch—sharp, commanding, and completely in control. As Arsenal’s vice captain, she knew how to lead, how to push her teammates to be the best, and how to give everything for the badge. But when it came to you? Well, Leah was nothing short of head over heels, and everyone knew it.

You were, simply put, breathtaking. A model with a body that could stop traffic, and a face so stunning it made people stare. Your presence was captivating, whether you were at a glamorous event or just lounging at home in one of Leah’s old hoodies. And Leah? She couldn’t help but spoil you rotten, constantly doting on you, treating you like a princess. It was something her teammates never let her forget.

The latest round of teasing came after a grueling win for Arsenal. The team was in high spirits, buzzing from the post-match high as they headed out for a team bonding dinner at one of London’s trendiest restaurants. The private room was filled with laughter and chatter, but all eyes turned when you walked in, your arm linked with Leah’s, her hand resting possessively on your lower back.

Dressed in a sleek outfit that hugged your curves perfectly, you looked every bit the model you were—effortlessly chic, and drop-dead gorgeous.

Leah, as always, couldn’t take her eyes off you. She was practically glued to your side, her thumb tracing gentle circles against the small of your back. Her teammates, well, they were all too used to it by now, but it didn’t stop them from throwing their usual jabs.

“Oh, here she is—our very own supermodel,” Katie called out, her Irish accent coming through as she grinned at you. “Come on then, Leah, what’s it gonna be tonight? More Chanel? Maybe a trip to Milan? She’s got you wrapped, mate.”

You laughed, used to the teasing by now, as you slid into the booth next to Leah. “I’m thinking diamonds, Katie. It’s been a while, hasn’t it, babe?” you teased, turning to Leah with a playful glint in your eye.

Leah groaned softly, rolling her eyes but smiling nonetheless. “Only the best for you,” she murmured, her arm slipping around your shoulders as she pulled you close. Her lips brushed the side of your temple, her voice low enough that only you could hear, “You deserve the world, love.”

Katie snorted from across the table, leaning back in her chair. “Jesus Christ, she’s got you good. You’d buy her the moon if she asked, wouldn’t you?”

Beth, who was sitting across from you, grinned and elbowed Caitlin. “Aye, I reckon she already has. I mean, look at ‘em.”

Caitlin chuckled, her Aussie accent thick as she nodded. “Mate, I think we’ve all accepted Leah’s never gonna say no to her. She’s gone.”

Leah just smiled, unbothered by the jabs, and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “They’re just jealous,” she whispered in your ear, her breath warm against your skin. You shivered lightly at the feeling, biting your lip as you leaned into her touch.

The team broke into laughter, but Leah didn’t care. Her attention was solely on you, her eyes filled with affection as she watched you chat easily with the girls. Even after a tough match, you were the most beautiful thing in the room, and Leah’s heart swelled every time she looked at you.

As the dinner went on, the teasing continued. Between sips of wine and mouthfuls of food, the team couldn’t resist throwing more playful jabs Leah’s way.

“So, Leah,” Beth started, her voice laced with amusement, “how many handbags have you bought her this week? We reckon it’s at least three.”

Leah smirked, her fingers idly playing with the ends of your hair. “Only two,” she responded nonchalantly. “Had to hold back a bit this time.”

Katie let out a loud laugh, nearly choking on her drink. “Hold back? Are you hearing yourself?”

You giggled, leaning into Leah’s side as her arm tightened around you. “She’s just generous,” you said with a grin, flashing Leah a look that made her stomach flip.

“Generous,” Lotte echoed from further down the table, shaking her head. “More like she’s whipped.”

Leah huffed playfully, pulling you even closer so your legs pressed against hers under the table. “You lot are just jealous you don’t have someone as gorgeous to spoil.”

Caitlin raised her drink. “Touché.”

Leah’s hand slid a little lower on your waist, her fingers brushing just under the hem of your shirt, her touch making your skin tingle. You turned your head to give her a knowing smile, your voice dropping to a whisper. “You really don’t mind, do you?”

Leah’s eyes darkened just slightly, her gaze flicking to your lips before meeting your eyes again. “Not one bit, princess.”

---

A few days later, Leah had invited some of the girls over for a chill night at her place—Beth, Katie, and Lotte were sprawled across the couch and chairs, beers in hand as they chatted casually about the latest matches, the conversation flowing easily. Leah was mid-sentence, explaining some tactical breakdown from the last game, when you suddenly strolled into the room, your voice lilting with that teasing tone you always used when you wanted something.

“Leahhhh…” you called sweetly, padding barefoot across the living room in one of her oversized hoodies. Leah immediately looked up, her heart fluttering at the sight of you. “There’s this new Victoria’s Secret collection that just dropped,” you continued, drawing out your words as you made your way over to where she sat. “And you know how much you love it on me.”

Leah barely blinked, already reaching for her wallet. Without even thinking twice, she pulled out her card and handed it to you, her mind clearly still half-absorbed in the football conversation. “Sure, princess. Get whatever you want,” she said casually, not missing a beat.

You grinned, taking the card with a cheeky kiss to her cheek. “Thanks, babe,” you purred, already planning your shopping spree as you turned and left the room, your hips swaying just a little more than usual as you walked away.

The second you were out of earshot, the room fell into a stunned silence before erupting into laughter.

“No way!” Katie gasped, her Irish accent thick as she clutched her side, barely able to contain herself. “Leah, you didn’t even blink! You just handed her the card like it was nothin’!”

Beth was wiping tears from her eyes as she shook her head. “Mate, you didn’t even ask what it was for. She’s got you wrapped, doesn’t she?”

Leah shrugged, leaning back on the sofa with a lazy grin. “What can I say? She looks incredible in everything she wears—especially Victoria’s Secret. It’s a win-win for me.”

Lotte leaned forward, her brows raised in mock disbelief. “You serious? You didn’t even think about it.”

Leah smirked, completely unbothered by their ribbing. “Don’t need to. She can have whatever she wants.”

Katie groaned, tossing a cushion at Leah. “You’re bloody hopeless. Whipped doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Leah caught the cushion and threw it back, shaking her head with a grin. “Yeah, well, if you had someone like her, you’d be the same.”

Beth grinned, leaning back in her chair. “Fair play. But seriously, Leah, you’re like a bloody ATM at this point.”

Leah just shrugged, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “It’s not about the money. I want her to feel special. She deserves it.”

Just then, you reappeared, walking back into the living room with a satisfied grin as you handed Leah her card. “You’re the best, babe.”

Leah smirked, sliding the card back into her wallet before grabbing your hand and pulling you down to sit on her lap. Her arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close as she nuzzled into your neck, teasingly repeatedly shifting yourself to ‘get comfortable’.

“Jesus Christ, can you two get a room?” Katie groaned, taking a long sip of her beer as she watched the two of you. “This is getting out of hand.”

Leah just chuckled, her lips brushing against your jaw. “We might just do that later,” she murmured lowly, her voice soft but with enough edge to make your skin tingle.

Beth groaned, throwing her hands up. “And here we go again.”

You laughed, pressing a quick kiss to Leah’s cheek before turning to Beth with a cheeky smile. “I told you—it’s the Victoria’s Secret effect.”

The girls erupted into laughter again, but Leah’s grip on you tightened slightly, her fingers brushing the hem of your hoodie. “Can’t say I mind,” she murmured into your ear, her voice low enough that only you could hear.

You turned, your breath warm against her skin as you whispered back, “I know you don’t, babe.”

Leah’s eyes darkened slightly, her thumb brushing against your bare skin under the hoodie. “I’ll show you just how much later.”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you bit your lip, the playful glint in her eyes sending a shiver down your spine. But before you could respond, Lotte interrupted with a dramatic groan.

“Alright, alright, enough with the flirting,” Lotte said, rolling her eyes playfully. “Save it for when we’re not here.”

You and Leah exchanged a look, both of you grinning before turning your attention back to the group. The night continued, filled with laughter, teasing, and the easy banter that only comes from close friends. But even as the conversation flowed, Leah’s hand stayed glued to your waist, her fingers gently tracing patterns against your skin.

And though her teammates teased her relentlessly, Leah wouldn’t have it any other way. You were her princess, her everything, and she’d spoil you for the rest of her life if it meant keeping that smile on your face.

[leah-lover]

Drive to survive. Leah Williamson x F1!Reader

Part 1. Part 2.

“ Leah, Leah is watching, she is probably scared “ you thought again as you were drifting off. You gathered all your strength, unlocked the steering wheel, and got out of the car. As soon as you stood on the ground you felt dizzy again, but lucky for you a paramedic caught you in time and directed you to an ambulance. You turned your head to where your car is to find the back of it in flames.

You got on the ambulance, they closed the door behind you, you took off your helmet and breathed real air for the first time. With that breath all the adrenaline came rushing again to your brain. “ Silverstone is done, you lost any real chance at winning this year, your career in F1 might be over.” you thought. This provoked you to have a panic attack.

“ Ma'am it's going to be okay. You survived the crash and it seems like you don't have any dangerous injuries.” Said the paramedic in an effort to calm you down.

When you got to the hospital, you were rushed to a room. A nurse helped you take off your race suit and replace it with a hospital gown. When the doctor came, he did a few tests and informed the members of your team that were now in the hospital with you that you only had a concussion and that all you needed was rest.

You hadn't talked yet. Your mind kept on going to the aftermath of the crash. If you hadn't been so deeply in love with Leah you would have burned in the fire.

“ Where is Leah?” You ask your assistant.

“ She is in the hotel, she left the garage after the crash.” She replied.

“ I want her here.” You demanded.

“ Okay.” She said as she stepped out to call for her.

You waited for about 30 minutes until you heard a knock on the door. She was wearing the same white suit she did in the paddock. Her eyes were puffy and red and there was clear evidence of crying on her face. As soon as you two made eye contact she ran to kiss you. The kiss was passionate, soft, sweet and needy. It resembled the kisses you saw in movies. As you two kissed you felt a tear on your cheek. The tear was hers.” Hey I am fine. I only have a concussion. I survived.” You say as your fingers wipe the tears from her face.

“ You crashed and screamed for help on the radio, then there was fire and you didn't get out.” she said with her voice broken.

“ You know what got me out. It was you. As soon as I thought of you I got out. You saved me Leah.” You replied.

Leah continued to cry as you held her. You whispered how much you loved her in her ear as she layed on your chest.

You stayed in the hospital overnight for monitoring and so did she. And the next day you went to your house.

You were in your bed watching yourself getting out of a burning car on the news when you were writing your statement to the press. Once you were done you called your parents and texted your friends and your team confirming that you were okay.

“ An omelet, avocado and toast, some fruit and coffee.” Said Leah as she entered the bedroom with a plate full of food.

“ I thought you couldn't cook.”

“ I didn't make this but it looks delicious.”

You two had breakfast together and watched the news.

“ I think I might quit.” You said.

“ You can't.” Answered leah. “ What you went through is traumatic, and it will take a long time for you to recover from it. But you need to push through. This is everything you wanted and worked for. you need to keep going not only for you but for the thousands of girls looking up to you. And yes I know that I will always be scared when you enter that car but I know that that is something you love and I will learn to love it too.”

“This is why I fell in love with you.” You said jokingly.

“ I thought you said my fingers were the reason you fell in love with me.”

“ No, it's your strap.”

“ Speaking of strap, I think it's time for a reward since you escaped death for me.”.

“ I love you.”

“ I love you too.”

—----------

25 days later.

“ Italy, home of Ferrari, but this year they are not the main thing the media is talking about. This year the woman who walked away from fire is the center of all the media attention. She is back and ready to have another go at winning her first race. She has talked about the highs and lows of her coming back journey and the difficulties she found in driving that Mercedes car again. But she has worked her way through it all. The number six is now written on her car, on her helmet, and on her tracksuit. We do not know what it means but she said it is the reason she is driving again. Stay tuned for what could be a historic race.”

[delfiore]

—NOT STRONG ENOUGH.

pairing: leah williamson x fem!reader

synopsis: you spend a few days in london with your daughter as you and your wife leah are filing for divorce.

word count: 3.5k

a/n: i don't even want kids why am i getting attached to this nonexistent child

“Mama!!” The sweet sound of your baby’s voice filled your ears the moment you stepped through the door.

You had been dragging your suitcase along the walkway, but dropped it by the door to catch the little girl and lift her into your arms.

“Hi, baby!” You exclaimed and shook her side-to-side. “Oh, I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Mama,” she giggled and writhed her way out of your kisses on the cheek. “I drew a picture for you with your new trophy!”

Without protest, the five-year-old thrust a piece of A4 paper in your face. You let out a quick laugh when you make out the figure in the middle—you—surrounded by bats and the Gotham logo with a golden trophy in your hand.

It was your first season at NY/NJ Gotham, and you managed to win the NWSL Championship for the first time for your club. Instead of returning to New York after the final to celebrate with your teammates, you hopped on the first flight back to London. You needed to see your little girl; after months of constant competitive matches, you were able to finally make time to fly back home.

“You did! Wow, Maevey, this is amazing! You drew this?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Wow, wow, wow. We’ll have to hang this up by the fridge, right?”

You walked into the kitchen with your daughter in your arms, heading towards the fridge behind the island. You were aware of your wife’s presence in the room by the oven but focused on balancing Maeve in one arm and hanging her drawing on the fridge with the other instead.

“There we go. That looks so good,” you cooed at her. “Thanks, Maevey!”

“You’re welcome, Mama.”

When you set the girl down, like lightning, she was on her feet sprinting towards the living room, no doubt grabbing a toy she had left somewhere on the ground. “Hey, no running, remember?” You called behind her and shook your head.

You glanced back at your wife, who, whilst stirring a pasty white batter in a clear bowl, still hadn’t made the effort to return your gaze.

“Congrats on the Championship,” she said without looking at you.

“Thanks.” And that was the extent of your conversation.

The house you once called home was cold when you left it, now it was even colder. The only warmth left came from a single tiny candle that managed you the smallest relief, and it was Maeve.

“Mama?”

“Yes, bub?”

“Why don’t you sleep in your room anymore? With Mummy?”

You had dreaded the question that had just come out of your daughter’s lips right after you tucked her in. Maeve was a smart kid, and you knew she would have been able to put two and two together when she saw you unpacking your suitcase in the guest room.

“Well, kiddo,” you started, brushing the stray hairs away from Maeve’s eyes. She looked so much like Leah when she pouted. “Mummy’s not too happy with me right now. So I’m giving her some space.”

“Is it because of me?” She said quietly, making your heart squeeze.

“No, of course not. Of course not, bub. How about you go to sleep now, and we will talk about this some other time, hm?” You poked her cheek gently. “Whatever happens, your Mummy and I will never stop loving you, and we will always do what’s best for you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.” You leaned over the edge of the bed to kiss your little girl on the forehead. “Now, remember what I always say? ‘You are strong, you are capable, you are loved.’”

“‘I am strong, I am capable, I am loved.’” Maeve repeated your words, almost immediately as you said them.

It was a mantra you repeated to yourself when your doubts started to get in the way of your potential, ever since you were a young girl making your debut for Arsenal until now. Those were the words you echoed to Leah when she had done her ACL, and when she wasn’t strong enough to chase away the clouds one day.

“I’m strong,” Leah had just managed to say through the tears, “I’m capable, I’m loved.”

“That’s right,” you whispered and smiled softly. “Now go to sleep, or I’ll sell all your toys.”

This elicited a giggle from the girl, as you turned off the lights. Making your way back to the guest room, you noticed the light in the living room was on downstairs. The tranquility you felt after spending time reading and talking with your daughter made you feel brave to face Leah, brave that whatever interaction you would have with her would not end in screaming and arguing. The woman was sitting on the couch, scrolling on her phone, a match played on the TV, as it always was.

“Maevey seems used to sleeping on her own now,” you said, smiling to yourself. “Soon enough she’ll be off to college.”

The best you got out of her was a short smile, and you would take it at that point. Your last conversation wasn’t the friendliest, and you had hoped Maeve wasn’t aware.

“She cried for you the night you left,” Leah spoke. “Slept in our bed for two weeks.”

Maybe it was the fact that Leah’s head was pressed against the side of the couch—the way she used to do every time you two had enough time off to sit down on the couch—or the fact that she still referred to the master bedroom as both yours and hers, that made your heart squeeze. For a moment it felt as if you had your family back, and things would eventually go back to the way it was.

“Only two?” You scoffed but smiled.

“Y/N, you know this isn’t a long-term solution. Maeve needs you. You can’t just fuck off to America and come back to visit for a few days every few months.”

“I know,” you said, clenching your jaw. “My agent’s looking at options within Europe. Germany, maybe.”

“Why not in England?”

“That is if any club wants me,” you shrugged. “Frankfurt seems interested, so.”

You’d like to think there would always be a place for you at Arsenal. Growing up, while your peers had posters of Mia Hamm, Kristine Lilly, or Abby Wambach on their walls, you were looking eastwards to the likes of Rachel Yankey and Kelly Smith for inspiration. Your heart was red, white and North London and it broke into pieces the day you had to leave—not because of your performance, but because by then London had started becoming too suffocating. And if you were going to be a good parent to Maeve, you had to put the oxygen mask on yourself first.

“I do want to be close to Maeve,” you said, more to yourself.

Leah hummed. A moment later, she opened the drawer next to the couch and pulled out a thin folder. Placing it on the cushion between you and her, she made the decision to leave the living room to go upstairs.

The respondent line on the first page awaited your name and signature. Hers was already printed on the line above that, the ink was already dry like she had made this decision long ago. You were frozen to the seat with the divorce papers in your hands, and that night you cried yourself to sleep.

You took Maeve to the park the next day. You had extended an invitation to Leah, but she declined, saying she had errands to run. Maeve wanted to go to the playground in the park, so you packed the two of you a small picnic, and a football, in case she was up for a kick-about.

She was telling you about a goal she scored at school the previous Friday when you returned home. Upon entering the two-story house, you heard laughter coming from the kitchen. As much as you wanted to listen to your daughter recount her story, your ears focused in on the conversation and what sounded like two female voices, and laughter . . . Leah’s laugh, something you haven’t heard in a long while. You regretted that that was the case.

“Mummy! I played at the park today, and I scored so many goals against Mama!”

“Is that right?” Leah gasped and picked up Maeve in her arms. “Looks like Mama’s got some competition in the striker position.”

“Hi, Auntie Lia,” Maeve said to the other woman in the room.

You barely managed a smile as you watched your former teammate greet your daughter, trying not to freak out at the fact that she was standing much too close to your wife when you first came in. You couldn’t help the uneasy feeling that harbored in the pit of your stomach seeing it, and, as selfish as it sounded, you couldn’t stomach the thought that Leah might have started to move on.

“Hi, Y/N. It’s good to see you again,” Lia smiled at you.

“Long time no see,” you said.

“Come on, little one. Will you show me how you scored those goals at school?” The Swiss woman extended a hand to Maeve and led her to the backyard.

“Don’t,” Leah said as soon as your daughter was out of sight.

“Don’t what?”

“I know you’re giving me that look.”

“I’m not giving you any looks, Leah,” you smiled sadly, and unpacked your daypack, putting the dirty Tupperware containers into the dishwasher.

“Lia’s been a great help with Maeve. Without her, I don’t think I would have been able to get through the first few months.” Her tone had a slight edge to it, but you understood why.

“I know,” you replied, “I’m not saying anything.”

“That’s the fucking problem, Y/N. You never say anything you’re thinking! You make me do this fucking guessing game with you, and you don’t even bother defending yourself when I assumed the worst about you, and you run away! Do you truly just not give a shit about anything?”

You took a sharp exhale, checking to see if Maeve was looking. Through the sliding door, you could see that wasn’t, she was playing 1v1 against Lia instead.

“Please, Leah. Not now,” you sighed. “I’ll sign the papers, alright? And then I’ll be out of your hair.”

You didn’t see because your back was turned to her, but your wife shook her head, causing a few tears that had collected in the corner of her eyes to fall. Then, you heard her storming past you out to the backyard.

“I do give a shit,” you mumbled to yourself. You did, so much, but maybe your family was better off without you. Watching Maeve kicking her ball into the little goal you got her whilst your wife and Lia pretended to defend her, you wondered if maybe they really were better off.

Your relationship was never perfect. She was Leah, and you were you. You used to love the routine you two shared until it turned sour and you would arrive to training in separate cars. You didn’t know when your marriage crumbled, just that when you looked back to assess the damage, it was already beyond repair. Leah telling you one night that she wished to separate was your wake-up call.

You had seen your friends and colleagues date and break up, and pretend that being in the same room afterward wasn’t the most torturous thing they’d ever had to endure. You never imagined that it would be your turn, and how much it hurt. How does someone be a human being whilst going through a divorce, and be a good parent at the same time?

“Mama, why are you crying?”

You quickly turned away and wiped at your eyes when you heard the tiny voice coming from your bedroom door. You must not have shut it properly. Maeve was standing in front of the door in her adorable dinosaur pajamas, and her favorite plush toy beneath her one arm. You would have given your entire world for that adorable punk right then.

“It’s okay, kiddo. I’m just a bit sad. What are still you doing up?” You gestured for her to come inside. Normally, Maeve would not hesitate to jump into your lap right away, but instead, she climbed onto the bed, and sat next to you like an adult.

“Why are you sad, Mama?” She said quietly, fiddling with her stuffed animal, her round eyes looking up at you with concern. “Everyone is sad.”

“What do you mean, bub?”

“Mummy is sad too. She was crying before you came home,” Maeve said, her bottom lip quivering. “She said it was because she missed you.”

The revelation left you speechless.

Your daughter turned to you. “Should I be sad too? Everyone is so sad.”

“No, baby, come here.” As soon as you pulled her into your lap, she started crying.

“Oh, baby. My little Maevey,” you hated that you made your little girl so upset, arms wrapped around your neck and broken sobs raking from her chest against yours. “Sometimes, people argue, and it’s very sad when they do, but it’s all a part of life, Maevey. Me and Mummy are arguing, but it has never been about you.”

“But I don’t want you and Mummy to argue anymore.”

“I know, baby,” you had nothing else to say that might offer her some comfort. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been around as much. It was my fault, nothing to do with you.”

You held Maeve for another minute or two until her cries subsided into choked sniffles and tearful sighs. “It’s okay,” you would repeat, “I love you so much”, hoping that it might reassure your daughter until she removed her head from your shoulder, wiped her tears away, and through hiccups, said, “You are strong, you are capable, you are loved.”

Letting out the smallest sob, you nodded and pulled her back into your chest. Your little girl, your heir, your legacy, only five years of age, yet she understood the significance of those words. You had won trophies and championships, but nothing compared to the burst of joy in your heart having her echo them back to you. It meant you meant something to her. It meant you were doing something right.

The next morning, after you and Leah had seen Maeve off to kindergarten, you gently placed the divorce papers that Leah had given you a couple of nights ago on the table opposite her. As you sat down by the dining table opposite her, you saw the way she eyed the files like you had just handed her a pack of poison and expected her to swallow it.

“I’ll agree to everything you bring to the table, within reason of course. This needn’t be a whole ruckus for Maeve. Whatever you want,” you started, darting your eyes up to Leah.

She continued to stare at the divorce papers on the table but kept silent.

“But . . . If you still have even just a tiny drop of affection left for me, I’m asking you—begging you—to reconsider this and give me another chance.” You took a deep breath. “This year away from you, from Maeve, made me realize that you two are the most important thing in my life. You make me a better person by just giving me grace and being who you are. And I failed you, I know. I’ve not been the wife and partner you needed, but if you give me one more chance to right my wrongs, I’d give everything to have my family back. I’ll go to therapy, we can go to couples counseling together, whatever you want, just please . . . please give me one more chance to make this right.”

Leah shook her head quietly when you looked up, but then she sunk her head into her palm and you heard a shaky exhale.

“I’ve tried so hard since March to move on from you, eight months since then, and just from one of your little speeches, I’m back to square one,” she laughed bitterly, wiping her eyes of salty tears. “You always give me false hope that it’ll get better, and I hate you for that, because it never does.”

You swallowed and moved to kneel in front of her. Your hands were shaking, but you reached for her hands.

“I know that. I know I’ve been apathetic before. I lost sight of what’s important. I used football as my excuse, and I did it. I won the championship, but there’s still this void in my heart that no trophy can fill,” you squeezed her hand with both of yours. “Please, Lee. I love you, and I need you back in my life. I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you and Maeve, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it. If you’ll let me.”

By then, Leah didn’t bother hiding her sobs. Tears were flowing down the curves of her cheeks like waterfalls, as she leaned forward into your touch, clutching your hands like they might save her. You cursed under your breath. Watching your wife fall apart at the seams when she had been ice-cold with you the past few days broke your heart to pieces, as you pressed soft kisses to her wet cheek and whispered loving words in her ear.

“Okay,” she said quietly and sniffled.

“Yeah?” You smiled hopefully.

Leah nodded tearfully. “Please. This is the last time, Y/N.”

You knew that. You knew if you fucked this up you would lose everything, Maeve might never have a relationship with you again, and you lose the one person that keeps you grounded.

Maybe Leah would be much happier with someone else, someone who treated her well and could fill the co-parenting role for Maeve. You were sure there were others out there who fit the bill, but you were selfish, and you would fight for them because this was your family, your home, your love.

“I’ll tell my agent to work on the move. I’ll try looking in England again, Frankfurt will be the worst-case scenario. Even if the only option is to resign at Gotham, I’ll make it work. I’ll fly home more often, I’ll help you with—”

You were cut off with Leah pressing her lips against yours desperately. You couldn’t restrain the grin that made its way onto your face, as you kissed your wife back.

“God, I got you to talk and now you wouldn’t shut up,” she mumbled, which made you laugh.

“Well, get used to it,” you said. “I’m gonna tell you how much I love you every day, and I’ve got eight months to make up for too, so it’s a lot of talking.”

“How about you show me how much you love me, huh? Actions speak louder than words, right?”

epilogue. A month later.

A blaring alarm awoke you from your warm slumber. It was a Sunday, and you had forgotten you had the alarm switched on. You felt Leah stir next to you, and the corner of your mouth pulled up.

“Christ, what time is it?” She asked, her voice low and cracking. You’d always adored the way her voice becomes raspy in the morning.

“Eight,” you said, combing your fingers through her hair. Leaning in to plant a kiss on your cheeks, you whispered. “We have to get Maeve ready for football.”

“Hmm,” you heard her sigh, and snuggle deeper into your chest. “Five more minutes.”

Your wife opened one eye and grinned. You thanked the Heavens that she granted you another chance.

“Okay,” you kissed her head, “five more minutes.”

Just as soon as you lay back down, and Leah had gotten comfortable again, you heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet, the speed and agility of which you could only attribute to a five-year-old whose enthusiasm for football might be a little too much at 8 o’clock in the morning.

[repulsiveliquidation]

Choice || Leah Williamson

warnings : this is dark angst. there are mentions of sickness as well as reader death. please do not read if you are not comfortable.

a/n : the first 200 words of this came from 5 minutes on Squibler. There was no prompt, just me and my brain for five minutes where I could not stop typing or else it would delete it all. I finished it up and here it is. there is a line in there and it's above too that is near and dear to my heart. it's short but i hope those of you who read it enjoy.

Leah sighed walking into the bedroom. She watched as your chest rose and fell, the mug of piping hot coffee shaking in her hands. You looked so peaceful, yet so fragile.

How could someone so perfect be so sick? 

When she first met you, she didn't think you would be gone 6 years later. She loved you with all her heart. If there was something you wanted, Leah would fight hand and foot to get it for you. She promised to love you through sickness and in death, yet here she was, watching you waste away. They were supposed to be vows, not her reality.

There was no cure. 

There was no way to save the love of her life. 

"Honey?" 

"Hm?" 

"It's time to wake up, baby." 

"What time is it?" 

"Just after 8." 

You sit up, struggling to push yourself upright; Leah helps. 

"Is that coffee I smell?" you mutter, voice hoarse. 

"Yes ma'am,” Leah answered, trying not to burst into tears. 

You were in pain. Lots of it. 

There was pain everywhere. You couldn't remember the last time you woke up without it. 

She was hesitant to touch you, afraid that you'd break. You were skin and bones. 

There was nothing she could do and it was breaking her heart. 

Was this fair? No. 

Was this something she wished on herself? Every damn day. 

There was no cure, remember? Leah remembered.

There was one option though. One that you were adamant you would not choose or consider.

You would never forgive yourself if you went through with it. You couldn’t ask someone to do that for you; you weren’t worth all that. 

Leah knew she could fix it all. The one way available to save you was a sacrifice she was willing to make. Where there was love, there was pain. 

This was pain Leah was willing to endure. For love. For you. She’d give up her life if it meant you lived. 

You told doctors there was no way in hell you would let your wife do that. But the choice was not up to you. It was hers to make.

“Baby, I’ll get myself tested!” 

“No Leah, I can’t let you do that!” 

“But what if I’m a match?” Leah argued, face turning red with frustration and anger. Why were you being so stubborn? She could potentially save you! This was the easiest decision of her life! 

“No!”

“Baby, please! If I’m a match we can fix this!” 

“I forbid you to do it.” 

“Why are you being so fucking difficult right now?” 

“Because I don’t want you to live with the guilt of knowing you could have saved me!” 

The room goes silent and you can’t hold the tears back anymore. Leah takes a step back and stares at you, while your eyes blur and the tears stain your hospital gown. 

“Please Leah, just let me die.”

“No.” 

“Leah, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do this-” you say, gesturing to the sterile room you sat in, “anymore! I don’t want to suffer Leah, please,” you beg, reaching for her hand. It was cold. 

“I want you to live out your life free, not stuck taking care of me.” 

“What if that’s all I want to do with my life, huh? Take care of you?” 

“I can’t let you do that Leah,” you whisper. “I can’t make you throw your life away for me.” 

“That is not a decision for you to make.” 

“Well, I’ve made it.” 

“What?” 

“They’re taking me to a facility.” 

“What for?” Leah asks, already knowing the answer. 

“To help me die.” 

Leah stands right in front of your grave, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in her hands. She smells them and smiles; everytime she smelt them her heart thought of you. 

“Hi baby,” Leah starts, kneeling by you. “Happy Anniversary. Rocky’s in the car, waiting for me. I think I’ll take him to get a pup cup,” she chuckles, “and yeah I knew you secretly took him for one every time you came to visit the locker rooms before game day.” 

Leah places the flowers in the little vase by your headstone. 

“I miss you. I know it’s been a year but,” she wipes a tear, “I can’t bear the thought of letting you go. You were the love of my life.” Leah stands, hands back in her trench coat pockets. 

“The part of my life where I had you will always be my favorite,” she whispers, walking away. 

She gets back into her car and Rocky is wiggling his bum excitedly. She turns the ignition and pulls her seatbelt on, looking back at you in her rearview mirror. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, Leah.”

[greynatomy]

regret

leah williamson x reader

actually finished writing something! wooo! the poll i put out was a close one, but this pair ultimately won. thanks to all who voted.

i’ve decided to split this into two parts, so this isn’t the end peoples!

part 2

———

“Alright. Remember, when we get there—”

“—pretend that we’re still happily married. I know.” You say annoyed, getting out of the car.

“Hey, don’t be like that!” Leah gets out of the car, catching up to you.

“Be like what? I’m not the one who got us in this situation.”

“Can we just be civil? This is the last time we’ll go through this.”

“Piss off will you! We wouldn’t have to act civil if you kept your mouth to yourself. And you had the audacity to file for divorce.”

Before Leah could reply, the front door opens to reveal Amanda, Leah’s Mom.

“Oh, I’ve missed you girls so much!”

Putting up a smile on your face, you engulfed the woman in a hug.

“Missed you too Amanda.”

“Come in! Come in!”

“Oi! David how’ve you been pops?”

“Oh, I’ve been wonderful! Glad to have you here!” He pulls you into a hug.

“There’s my favorite sister!” You hear behind you, Jacob just coming down the stairs from his room.

“Come here you! It’s been a while, huh?”

“It has! You gotta visit me more often.” You tense a bit, but not enough for him to notice in your embrace, putting up a smile on your face.

“I’ll try to visit more.”

What you don’t see behind you is Leah watching your interactions with her family.

You’ve known each other young. You’ve both been dating since you were fifteen, marrying at nineteen, divorced at twenty-one.

Her family’s have welcomed you with open arms since the beginning. You were her first serious relationship. The only one of her girlfriends that her family loved. You’ve had your whole life basically planned out, Leah would become a footballer, you a doctor, marriage, kids, the dream basically.

Leah didn’t know the exact reason why she did what she did, but it happened and she couldn’t take it back. She knew this teammate of hers has liked her for a while and never told her off.

She woke up to an unfamiliar bed, an arm around her that certainly wasn’t you. She regretted it the moment she woke up, didn’t know how to tell you, but you found out before she could. Ashamed of herself, Leah filed for divorce.

———

Leah didn’t know what she was thinking divorcing you. She didn’t have the right to be the one to file as she was the one who fucked up. It was impulsive and shameful. It was the best option she could think of at the time.

Now here she was, five years later, at the Emirates training grounds, about to run for the first time since her ACL injury. She missed you so much during this time. Every time she was injured in any way, you were always by her side nursing her back to health. You were her support system, making her fall more in love with you. This time, without you by her side, she realized how much she took you for granted, how she didn’t show you enough love, betraying you in the worst way possible.

She’d already signed the divorce papers, pressuring you to do the same all while making you go to her family’s for a dinner pretending that nothing has changed between the two of you. It was when she finally saw your signature on the papers was when she realized how she’s lost you for good.

———

Getting back home after a family walk, Amanda spots a stack of papers on the kitchen counter, a folded paper on top, along with two rings. Curious, she opens it up and quickly skims through them, shock fills her body after she finished reading.

“Leah!” She yells for her daughter.

“Yeah, mum?” Leah walks into the kitchen to see her mom holding something up.

“What the hell is this?”

Leah being clueless, grabs the sheet, reading it herself.

Leah,

I’ve finally signed everything you’ve been wanting me to sign. I don’t know why I’ve put it off for so long even if I’m not the one at fault. Guess it’s just hard to let go of the one you love the most.

Don’t contact me. Don’t look for me. You’re free.

Yn

Leah couldn’t even respond to her mother. All the emotions she bottled up came at her all at once, breaking down in front of her family. Six years of relationship, one year of marriage over.

[rosalie-mae]

I read this really good fic a while ago and now I can’t find it. I can’t remember if it was on here or on wattpad but it’s a Leah williamson story where Jordan is a bit of a villain in it and visits Arsenal again and makes up that reader has been threatening her/bullying her to try get Leah back and Leah believes Jordan but then finds readers phone later on and sees messages from Jordan and then everyone apologies to reader. If anyone can tell me the author and if it’s on here or wattpad that would be great ty xx

[samkerrworshipper]

never be the same again.

leah williamson x injured!reader

warnings: injury, knee injuries, angst, hurt/comfort

You’d never been a player who’d dealt with minor injuries. You never struggled with soreness, or cramps, or little niggles that kept you sidelined every once in a while. When your injuries came, they came full force, full out, full throttle. You figured that it was probably how your body worked, it all got pent up until you suffered a shattering injury.

When you were 16, it had been the complete rupture of all of your lateral ankle ligaments. When you were 19, it had been a compound fracture in your arm caused by a dutch U20’s player putting their studs through your arm. At 22 it had been a torn labrum in your hip.

You figured you were well overdue now at 25, almost 26, having been completely injury free for well over three years, you just hadn’t expected it to be so bad.

It was a normal day, or as normal as a day for you could get.

You’d woken up with sleep in your eyes and your hair splayed out everywhere, in a similar state to your girlfriend laying beside you. Your morning had been peaceful, the two of you simply co existing as you went about your usual routines, the both of you enjoying the normality of it all.

You’d driven the two of you to training, your hands creasing against the leather of the wheel as you navigated your way through North London.

Leah hummed along to whatever R&B radio station she’d tuned into for the morning, without failure she always pretended to be interested in whatever news the hosts would talk about, and without failure would forget all about it by lunch time. You entertained her interest anyways in whatever topic that she chose to trivialise for the morning ride, enjoying the way that Leah could talk so passionately about something as mundane as random news.

When you arrived at London Colney the two of you both went separate ways, Leah needing a little bit more of a intensive rehab from the physios after a game weekend. So she walked off in search of the ohysio room, whereas you headed straight towards the gym, knowing that all you needed on a normal day was a bit of a stretch out to get everything feeling activated.

Kyra and Lessi were both in the gym as you walked in, the two slightly younger players tolling out on the mats. You joined them, commenting here and there on whatever they were saying as your other teammates slowly trailed in from the physios or their cars.

Just as you were heading towards the weights, Leah walked in, her body automatically walking to find you, there was no need for the two of you to discuss spotting partners, it was a unspoken rule that the two of you always went together.

You weren’t sure if it was because of the natural competition that was created from the two of you playing opposing positions, or if it was just the competitive nature of your relationship, but Leah and you just pushed each other ten times harder. She had the guts to tell you when you needed to pusb more, when you could do better, and also when you needed to slow down. It was a balance between the two of you, of knowing how far to push the other, but also where the line was.

The two of you alternated with your sets, until you’d both worked through your programs and were ready to head out to the pitch.

You didn’t really get anxiety, but as soon as Leah and yourself walked towards the locker room, in search of your boots and training gear, you got a feeling inside of your stomach that you couldn’t shake. You’d played in champions league semi-finals, euro finals, world cup finals, and never had a single bit of anxiety, but as you fished your boots from your locker and laced them up you just couldn’t shake it.

You figured you were just coming down with something, the flu was going around, you were probably just becoming under the weather. You ignored the way that it spread across the surface of your chest, like there were sets of suction cups all over your stomach and chest.

It was probably nothing, it was most likely nothing.

You kept telling yourself that as Leah grabbed you by the shoulder and walked you out towards the field with the rest of the group, there wasn’t anything different about the day that would make you feel this way, so why should you worry about it.

Training started with normal warm ups, as it always did. The squad darting in and around polea and cones, dribbling through them, and no matter how far you dug yourself into the normality of the routine you were going through, you just couldn’t shake it.

As time went past it got more complex, your group working on shooting whilst the defenders worked off on a pitch to the side and the goalkeepers tried to keep your balls from sailing past them.

It was your bread and butter, the most basic of things you could do, yet it all felt wrong.

Somehow, it felt like you were disconnected from your own body, like you were somehow watching your life from your own perspective.

You continued on, you were probably just getting sick. It wasn’t a often occurrence for you, but when you did it was always bad.

You kept telling yourself that as you transitioned from practice drills to game scenarios. Lia was injured, and Kim was sitting out due to some hamstring soreness, which left you as the main midfielder, not a unwelcome spot but not exactly normal either. You alternated between the attacking mid and a striker/center forward, never really in the defensive side of the midfield though.

With Leah yelling at you from behind and your eyes focusing on Stina and Caitlin in front of you.

With Lotte and Steph as the opposing defence it was hard to know how and where to get to be able to slot the ball into a good position for your attackers.

It’s a lot, the feeling inside of you, everything happening around you.

You don’t normally crack under pressure, and this is probably the least pressured environment you’ve played in your whole entire life, but it feels like for the first time that you just can’t focus.

Leah’s yelling, Jonas is yelling, Stina is yelling, and even though the ball isn’t even at your feet it feels like they’re all yelling at you.

You don’t even have the ball at your feet, yet.

Yet when you push, chasing the ball that Lotte had sent at you down the wing, you twist, and rotate.

All you feel is pain, possibly the worst pain you’ve ever felt.

It feels like you’re lef has been hit by a lighting bolt, and you seriously consider that maybe it had been.

You know though, you’ve seen it happen so many times that you would be a fool to not know what this is. You’re pressed face down on the grass, unmoving, just trying to take it in.

The scent of freshly clipped grass and mud floods your senses. A hand sets itself down on your shoulder and you know your done, that this isn’t some sick dream, you are well and truly fucked.

As if your knee still radiating the worst pain you’ve ever experienced isn’t enough.

“Someone get the physios.”

You hear it yelled out about a hundred times, although none of it really gets absorbed in your brain, you’re in to much pain to think, let alone really absorb the magnitude of what that means.

“Hey mate, we’re going to turn you over okay.”

It’s Caitlin, the anxiety in her voice isn’t missed by you, your aussie teammates hands settling on your shoulders and gently, but quickly, flipping you over.

The sky is grey, and a little bit too bright.

You can’t speak, out of fear that you’ll start sobbing if you do, you don’t want to cry, even if it feels like your leg is actively being chopped off.

You keep your eyes clamped shut, unable to look at the faces of your peers that have crowded above you.

“Babe, talk to me, what’s wrong?”

You keep your mouth clamped shut, you can’t deal with Leah. She’s just gotten over her injury properly, she’s recovered, and yet here you are, in the same position she was just over a year ago.

“Everybody clear away, give her some space. For fucks sakes, somebody go find Rose or Gary.”

At the sound of your captains scottish voice, the crowd slowly started to breakaway, the sound of boots scuffing against the grass beside you slowly petering off.

You kept your eyes screwed shut, for your own safety.

You can’t move your leg, you try to wiggle your toes but even the attempt at getting your nerves to stimulate puts you in a whole other world of pain.

It’s too much pain.

So much pain.

Worse than you could have imagined.

“Babe, I need you to talk to me, what hurts?”

Leah’s voice, Leah’s slightly stressed voice.

“My knee, my fucking knee.”

The air that hits your lungs is cold as your mouth opens to reiterate what you’re going through. It forces you to breathe, to take a big deep breath and inhale.

You pull the neck of your singlet to your mouth within seconds, biting down on the material to stop any of the sounds of pain escaping.

You open your eyes, and you see the fear on Leah’s face, she knows, just as well as you know, exactly what is going on.

Just as she looks like she’s about to say more, the doctor and the physio crouch down beside you.

“Knee?”

All you did was nod your head, trying your very hardest to not start actually sobbing, even though there were tears dripping down your face.

“Alright, can you wiggle your toes for me?”

You tried your very hardest to try and move your foot, even just a centimetre, but you just couldn’t.

The doctor seemed to notice your aggravation, and shook his head.

“Alright, we’re going to get your leg stabilised and then get you onto the stretcher. We’ll assess in the locker room.”

You couldn’t do anything but keep your head on the grass, pointed at the sky, avoiding everything and anything that came into your line of sight.

You knew it was bad when they tried to push a board underneath your leg and even just that movement hurt more than anything.

You immediately cried out, the t-shirt in your mouth doing absolutely nothing to silence the pure pain that you were expressing.

Everyone around you cringed, normally, acls didn’t hurt this much after a couple of minutes, the initial pain was horrific, but it faded. For you, nothing was fading, and with every passing second it felt like you were closer to losing consciousness due to the sheer amount of agony that was coming from your leg.

The doctors tried to be as quick about it as they could, but it didn’t stop you from screaming as they slid the board completely under your leg and strapped different parts of your leg to the board to keep it still.

You wished you were dead.

Whatever this was, you would rather be dead.

“Alright, we’re going to get you onto the stretcher now, keep going with the deep breaths, we’ll find you some pain relief once we’re inside.”

You nodded your head, you just needed it to be over.

You felt a few people grab different parts of your body, lifting you up before gently setting you down inside of the orange plastic.

They left your knee last, at least three people working to try and lift it into the stretcher, it all hurt though.

You screamed, and you screamed, and you screamed again.

You wouldn’t be surprised if the bloody king could hear you considering how loud you were.

You kept repeating the same word.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

You just needed it all to stop.

Please, lord, let it all stop.

When you were still in the stretcher, they began to lift you up, six different people taking hold of the stretcher and beginning to walk you back inside.

You couldn’t take your eyes off of Leah, who looked so horrified and mortified that it almost hurt as much as the pain in your knee.

“Lee, make it stop, please, make it stop.”

The pain wasn’t fading, it was everywhere, all over, covering every inch of your body.

“Baby, just take some deep breaths, it’s going to be okay, everything’s going to be alright.”

Even Leah didn’t seem like she believed her own words, she was trying her hardest but you could tell that even she was so unsure about what was happening.

“Leah, please, make it stop.”

Leah looked like she was lost, like she had sbolutely no idea what to do.

“I will baby, I promise, we’re almost inside.”

You shook your head, god you had no words for what this was.

The tears just kept flowing, your vision being clouded by the salty drops that had nowhere to go besides pooling in your eyes.

You were done, whatever this was, you were done, there was no coming back from this.

You closed your eyes again, trying to sink into your own head, trying to make it all disappear.

It worked for a few seconds, before you were jolted in the stretcher as you were brought inside, the pain resettling across your body.

You get placed on top of one of the physio beds, Leah and Kim helping to lift you out of the stretcher and onto the bed, even as you cried and thrashed, begging for it to stop.

For the first time, you got a proper look at your knee, and from the second you laid eyes on it you knee it was bad, your whole knee was swollen up like a balloon and there was a bump just below your knee cap, where all the pain was coming from.

The doctor got to work quickly, sending everybody else out of the room besides the physios as he began to remove your leg from the board and access it.

Somewhere along the way, one of the physios found a green whistle, shoving it into your hands and allowing you to have a smidge of relief as your leg was poked and prodded.

For the most part, it was silent, no noise besides the sound of your tears dripping down your face and the doctor typing up his reports onto his laptop after every test he conducted.

They left your knee on the table, your right lower extremity looking deflated as the doctor turned to finish typing up whatever report he was making.

“I can bring your girlfriend back in, if you’d like?”

You turned to the physio, rose, who looked as deflated as you knee did.

You weren’t really sure if you were ready to face Leah.

“Yes, please.”

Rose nodded and smiled, turning around to walk towards the door, opening it up and allowing Leah to walk in.

She stayed silent, walking over to take the seat beside you, her hand immediately finding yours.

She squeezed, and for a second you thought that maybe it was going to be fine, but then that second passed.

The doctor turned around to face both of you and you just knew, you knew that he was about to ruin your life.

“I’ve just called the surgeon, we’re going to need to get you in for scans and surgery tomorrow. You’ve ruptured your patellar tendon and it looks like you’ve also ruptured your meniscus and acl, I’m sorry.”

All of the oxygen in your lungs had been sucked out, you couldn’t say anything, you couldn’t speak.

You were done, tearing an acl was bad, tearing a meniscus was bad, tearing your patellar tendon was horrible.

Doing them all together, it was pretty much unheard of.

“It’s not a confirmed diagnosis, we’ll need scans but your at risk of dislocating your knee or worse if your patellar is torn, so we need to be urgent about this. How does scans at 8am tomorrow sound, and if it comes back torn then surgery around 12?”

God, this was so much worse than you could have ever imagined.

“Sounds good, thank you doctor.”

Leah’s voice said what it needed, a silent dismissal that you both needed your time.

The doctor smiled and nodded at Leah, before taking his leave, leaving just Leah and you sitting in the room by yourselves.

“Bubba, it’s going to be okay, we’ll figure this out.”

Your career was over, short lived and over.

“Leah, get out.”

You needed a minute, you needed your brain to kick into gear so you could begin to understand this.

“Babe, I did it, Beth did it, Viv did it, Laura did it, you’re going to be fine, we’re going to be fine.”

You shook your head.

“Leah, get the fuck out.”

Your voice was croaky, but you managed to get it to the level of a yell.

Leah’s hand slid out from your own.

“I’m sorry babe, I’m sorry about this, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head.

“Leah, get out.”

She looked like she was at a mental crossroads, trying to figure out whether she should leave or not, ultimately she made rhe decision to nod her head, walking towards the door, stopping when her hand connected with the handle of the doorknob to send a sad smile your way.

“I’m going to go get our stuff together, I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”

A couple of minutes, that should be enough, right?

The door closed behind Leah and you felt a whole different weight set itself down on your chest.

What were you supposed to do?

Your leg, your knee, was literally folding in on you, everything was over.

You were a starter, a co-captain, for both national and club teams, you weren’t the best, but you were up there, you were one of the best attacking midfielders in the world, and yet now, you were nothing.

You didn’t have anything besides football, football was your life, you’d given up everything for football, yet now, it felt like it was being pulled out from underneath you.

You didn’t know how you were going to survive this.

7 months later

You were being stupid.

You’d been told from the very minute you’d gone into recovery that you weren’t going to play again, simply, your knee wouldn’t ever be able to handle that kind of pressure again.

You didn’t think that you could prove your doctors wrong, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t want to try, you had nothing else to lose.

Leah hadn’t wanted to be an accomplice in your plan, in fact, she’d been quite the opposite, yelling at you as soon as you’d brought the idea up.

You’d lost a lot during your rehab, everything had changed, what you hadn’t lost though, was your ability to manipulate those blue eyes into doing whatever you wanted.

That’s how Leah and yourself had ended up here, the two of you standing on the grass of a local pitch, a ball at your feet.

For the first few months, you’d refused completely to go anywhere near a ball, knowing that football had done this to you.

As the seasons changed though and your life slowly started to come into perspective you changed, your body changed, everything around you changed.

Your life was different, but it wasn’t over. You still had things, you still had something to live for.

Leah looked about as unamused as you thought, you’d dragged her out of the house for your usual evening walk, funnily enough she didn’t even realise the change in route until you found yourselves out the front of the park.

It hadn’t taken a lot of convincing, or less than you’d thought.

You’d been shooting on your own for a couple of weeks, short range, no movement besides the motion. You’d started jogging a month ago, which was about as good as your recovery was going to get.

“C’mon, defend me properly.”

Leah looked at unease, the Euro’s were due to start in a couple of weeks and your fiance was ready to lead the reigning champs to hopefully another win, hopefully.

Leah took a step towards you, still keeping a few feet distance.

“I’m defending you, can you just take a shot so we can leave?”

Leah had been patient, a lot more patient then you’d been during her rehab, she’d dealt with all your dramatics, all the shit you’d put her through.

“Leah, c’mon, defend me properly, I’m not going to collapse.”

Leah looked at you like you were stupid.

She did take a step closer though, her toe pushing the ball towards yours.

“Put a ball past me, put a ball past the best centre-back in the world, go ahead.”

One of the best, you’d been one of the best once upon a time as well.

You looked down at the ball, beginning to dribble it a few steps forward, Leah followed, as you got to the top of the goal square, you knew you needed to cross it over from your right to your left, from your bad leg to your good one.

Knees were stupid.

You managed to cross the ball, but as you lunged off of your bad leg, it all went downhill.

You were on the ground in seconds, your body collapsing.

It wasn’t the same, you kept telling yourself that, that it wasn’t the same pain, it wasn’t the same agony.

Leah’s hands were on you immediately, rolling you over so that you were looking at each other.

“You just had to be a fucking idiot, what hurts, where does it hurt?”

You forced yourself to take a deep breath, before you started laughing.

Leah looked like she was going to strangle you.

“I’m okay Le, just stupid, okay, stupid that I thought that somehow it would all fucking click and that it would all somehow be fine.”

Leah’s face fell, and she collapsed down onto the ground besides you, one of her arms wrapping around your shoulder, bringing you closer to her.

“It sucks, but you need to come to terms with it baby, you have so many options, commentating, journalism, working with the team. I know it’s the end of your dream, and it fucking sucks, but it’s not worth hurting yourself more in the process. You’re my idiot, and I love you, but you need to find something else.”

You hated that you were being forced to find something else, that it wasn’t your choice, it had all just…. happened.

“I know.”

Leah nodded.

“C’mon, let’s get you home.”

2 years later

“Y/n, you’ve got the best perspective on this, what do you think it means for Arsenal to win the league like this?”

You’d watched your wife, win the league, win the triple this year, from the sidelines.

Commentating, reporting, it was all fun, but it wasn’t the same, if anything it was a stab in the heart.

“Well as everyone knows, as a Arsenal homegrown girl, this has been a long time coming, and I couldn’t be more proud of the girls, they’ve had a season of all seasons, I don’t think it could have been a better year for them.”

You looked backwards, at your wife, as the team stood on the stage ready to lift the trophy.

With every bone in your body you wished you were with them, but you couldn’t be.

“And to their captain, what do you think this means?”

You looked at Leah, how happy she looked.

“Well, considering Leah and I have been the same amount of time, put in all of the years and sweat and tears I can’t imagine that this couldn’t be the pinnacle of her career. It’s great to win things with country, but this is fulfillment, winning something like the league is something else because it means that all of the hardwork over a season is done, and you get to relax.”

You struggled to keep the tears at bay.

You wished you could know the true feeling, coaching, commentating, it didn’t do the same, it didn’t have the same kind of meaning behind it.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go and celebrate with my wife. This is y/n williamson signing off, I’ll see you next season.”

You pulled out your in ear and put your microphone back down on the stand, turning around and beginning to walk onto the pitch.

Leah caught your eyes quickly, it wasn’t hard considering the arsenal red suit you were wearing, and the slight staggered limp that you held as you walked towards her.

Leah smiled at you, big and bright.

Your lives weren’t over, in fact they were just beginning.

She hnaded the trophy over to Lia, before walking your way, running towards you and bringing you into her arms immediately.

“There’s my lucky charms.”

She looked down at your stomach and you couldn’t help but slap her.

It was your best kept secret, your career had been ended by your knee, but you’d chosen to start a new life, a better one.

“We wouldn’t have gotten here without you baby, off and on the pitch.”

You kept your blush to a minimum, unable to ignore the fact that the pinkness was rising up your neck.

“Alright softy, go and celebrate with the team, I’ll be here watching.”

Leah pouted, but nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead before beginning to walk off.

Life wasn’t the same and it wasn’t how you wanted it, but it wasn’t over.

————————————

ngl i hate the end of this but we move

[mercurycft]

𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 — 𝐊𝐌

## katie mccabe x reader !!

hi pookies!! once again i apologise for the lateness.. but i really hope you enjoy this.. my little tattoo-lover heart got a little carried away with this, but i love this concept so much and i hope you do too! its a little different than the original idea for the direction of this, but either way, i really enjoyed this!! happy reading! love always - RG! x

i would also like to say! this is inspired by a fic i saw on my feed about a tattoo artist x alexia (i think) and i loved it! if i find the account i will top the link to their fic here!

contains: tattoo artist reader! shameless flirting! angsty make up sex, cocky!katie, fight for dominance, oral - both receiving, rough grabbing, dirty talk, fingering, useless lesbians, top!katie and brat!reader, foul language.

r's masterlist - requests open!

4.6k words

CONTAINS ADULT LANGUAGE & CONTENT 18+

a knock at your door was a disruption to your night time routine - pyjamas already on, makeup off, hair tied back and your toothbrush hanging from your lips. you slipped on your slippers and headed down the stairs, still brushing your teeth when you pulled the door open to reveal a familiar face.

she was in a similar state. hair tied back messily, loungewear on and no makeup accept for her eyelash extensions. your eyes lifted from the floor to finally meet hers on the other side of the threshold

“katie..?”

“can i come in?”

3 months ago.

a notification past 7pm would usually be ignored.

and it was the first time, then the second, then the third. the fourth, however, was followed by a groan from your sprawled-out position on your sofa. although tempted to put your phone onto 'do not disturb' and continue the twilight marathon you started the previous night, you stretched across the empty space and patted around to locate your phone - simultaneously pausing the tv and shifting to sit with your back against the pillows for a change.

katie_mccabe11 liked your story.

katie_mccabe11 liked your post.

katie_mccabe11 started following you.

you have 1 new message.

"katie mccabe.." you whispered into the emptiness of your apartment, crossing your legs beneath you and clicking on the notification on your screen. "why do i know her.." you racked your brain, pursing your lips. you noted the football shirt in her profile picture alongside the blue verified tick beside her username and used your critical thinking skills to put two and two together, chuckling at the thought of your younger sister losing her mind at another footballer dming you.

you waited a few seconds before opening her message, reading it carefully and silently. "that's how i know her.." you replied to yourself, whilst alone.

last week you had beth mead in your seat at the shop, getting a small paw print behind her ear and chatting yours off in the process. you spoke about a lot of things, you're used to that though. sometimes people just need someone to talk to - and who better than their tattoo artist? you liked beth, she was lovely, easy to talk to. the kind of person you would be friends with. she wasn't with you for long, an hour tops and it flew by. at the end of the appointment you exchanged socials and she left with a 'i'll tell the girls about you!".

you didn't really watch football, but you knew enough - and you would be lying if the thought of your name being chucked around between a very attractive group of women didn't make your stomach twist.

you typed your reply to katie quickly. starting with your usual friendly opening, explaining your upcoming availability and then ending with a single kiss. you had no available appointment spaces for the next three weeks, but you hoped that beth really sold you and your passion enough that she would consider waiting. she read it almost immediately, making your eyes widen and quickly swipe away from the message in an effort to not seem like a total weirdo.

her reply flashed across the top of your screen a few seconds later.

'ill take it x'

—————————

appointment day.

it was appointment day and god were you a nervous wreck. you arrived at the shop an hour earlier than normal to open up and clean before she arrived - she was your first and only appointment of the day and you wanted to make a good first impression. you prepared what you would need, laying your tools out on the table beside you and making a coffee - which would no doubt be freezing cold by the time you actually got around to drinking it.

you connected your phone to the bluetooth speakers around the room and shuffled your playlist just as the doorbell rang from the front of the shop. 7:59. you didn't know much about katie, having restrained yourself from going full-on stalker mode over the last few weeks leading up to her appointment. but clearly she was punctual.

as you unlocked the door and smiled to her through the glass, you couldn't help but realise how strikingly attractive she was. her hair pulled into a tight and slick ponytail at the back of her head, a deep green tracksuit complimenting her tanned skin and bright eyes.

"good morning!" you greeted cheerfully, welcoming her in.

you watched as her eyes scanned around the room, studying the artwork on the walls before they landed back on you and a smile spread across her face to match yours.

"mornin' hope i've not been a fuss this early.." she joked as you embraced each other in one of those awkward-but-friendly-first-meeting hugs, causing you to laugh softly.

"oh it's no bother, serious." you waved her comment off, shutting the door behind you both and leading her over to your station at the back of the shop. you didn't expect her accent to be so thick, but the way her voice sat heavy in the space between you had you clenching your jaw.

the pair of you made small talk as she got situated and sat on the leather bed whilst you pulled up a stall and your phone to take another look at the pictures she had previously sent, grabbed a pen and then pulled a pad of paper onto your lap. laying the phone down so she could see as well.

you sat across from katie, discussing designs and what she would and wouldn't like. she was engrossed in the conversation, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm as you shared ideas and suggestions. you found yourself doodling on the paper, absentmindedly drawing whatever came to mind as she chatted about the specifics of what she wanted. every now and then, your eyes would meet hers, and a playful smile would tug at the corners of your lips.

there was silence between you for a few beats as your pen etched across the paper and completed the first sketch of the possible design. when you finished you looked up and turned the paper towards her before you could ask how she felt about it she spoke up.

"how do you do that?"

"do what?" you replied playfully with a smile.

"how can you just listen and draw? it's so cool.." she sounded genuinely bewildered for a moment and you couldn't help but laugh lowly.

"honestly, it just happens. when someone describes what they want i see it in my head and just let my pen translate it." you explained with a shrug, looking at her again.

"well its sick, i won't lie!"

"thank you.. i'm a woman of many, many talents.." it came out a lot more suggestive sounding than intended, mental cursing yourself and begging internally that she wouldn't see the pink tint you could feel spreading across your cheeks. you looked back down at the page before she could notice, avoiding her eyes.

"oh i bet." she added, smirking across from you.

you both sat like that for another ten minutes, brainstorming ideas and katie watching you bring them to life like a magician until you both finally settled on a design. you couldn’t believe how natural the interaction was coming and conversation flowing. you embraced the shared banter between you and leant into her jokes.

the design she had settled on was small and intricate but you knew you could free-hand it, so decided against using a stencil for the work. “right, i am gonna wash my hands and get everything sterilised, you get comfy and have a think about where you want it. okay?” you said as you stood up and ripped out the page you were using, placing it beside your other supplies so it was easy to use as a reference. katie replied with a small ���sounds good to me,” and you heard her shuffle around the bed and as you made your way to the sink you could feel her eyes on you, following you away.

when you returned to her, she was sat more comfortably and had discarded her hoodie. the ribbed vest she was hiding left little to your imagination, revealing her arms and more of that heavenly tanned skin to your prying eyes. you tried not to look, but were made too aware of yourself failing miserably when she caught your gaze and you watched her suppress a chuckle.

once you were situated on the stool again, you took a deep breath and turned towards her. “so where are you thinking?” she sat silently in response, deep in thought.

“either here,” she pointed to the inside of her bicep to punctuate her point “or here..” she added quietly as her thumb hooked into the waistband of her joggers and shimmied them down a couple of inches until you could see the skin at the bottom of her stomach- in line with her hip. perhaps you looked for a second too long, or she heard you gulp, or maybe your fears were real and she could in fact hear your heart rattling against the boney cage of your ribs in your heaving chest - but the way you heard her exhale a humorous breath and tense her stomach muscles snapped you back into reality.

“which one would you prefer?” you questioned, professionally.

“probably my hip.” you nodded in agreement, smiling and internally celebrating at her decision. “and as a bonus i get to watch you gawk at me for however long it takes,” she teased, earning a small smack to the upper thigh and an eye roll.

“i was absolutely not gawking!” you defended with a smile.

“oh yeah, alright then..”

you rolled your eyes again and stood to grab a small bottle of sanitiser and a disposable razor, placing them on the table - once you made sure she was comfortable you sat down again.

“i’m going to pull your joggers down a couple inches, is that okay?” you waited for her reply before making any moves closer to her.

“of course,”

“perfect.”

you got straight to work, dragging them down until the area she had pointed out was revealed again - only this time you could see the band of her underwear peaking out from beneath the fabric and it had you drawing in a careful breath. you circled the skin with your pinky finger lightly and showed her the length and width the ink would cover, double checking that was exactly where she wanted.

the tattoo itself took no longer than forty minutes to complete. once you were finished you sanitised and made sure it was exactly how she wanted before moving to discard any disposables used. she took it like a champ the entire time, only slightly flinching when the needle grazed a particularly tender spot.

you spoke to her about the aftercare and how to take care of it whilst it healed, then covered it with second skin and soothed the area - moving to wash your hands and stand against the counter. “any questions?”

you sat speaking for another hour, and you were sure at times she was stalling so she wouldn’t need to leave.

“when do you finish?”

“whenever you want to go,”

“why didn’t you say! i don’t want to hold you up, love..” she tutted and began collecting her stuff. you laughed at her huffing like a child and led her towards the front desk.

the petname made your stomach jump, twisting and twitching in your abdomen as you studied her. the way she moved and smiled, how her eyes pierced through you like she was reading your mind - how you were so sure she actually could see and read the filth behind your own eyes.

at the front she paid and thanked you another couple hundred times as you let her out the door. she stepped over the threshold and gave you another small hug. “thank you again, i really love it.”

“stop thanking me! i’m just glad i could do your vision justice..” you smiled and shrugged, “you’re welcome anytime, just pop me a message!”

“that’s just because you want to look at my stomach again..” she called, walking to her car and waving.

“shut up.” you rolled your eyes, laughing. “don’t be a stranger!”

—————————

during the appointment you and katie exchanged numbers and for days, weeks, months you texted each other everyday. you met for coffee, went to watch her and the team (who you got along with swimmingly) practice, you even went to watch all of their matches.

you had been inseparable since that first meeting, you shared things about each other previously unknown by anyone, spent evenings and nights at each others homes and got aquatinted with family and friends.

after spending so long together, the pair of you had become incredibly close - often sharing a bed, and clothes. you couldn’t help but feel things for her, for katie. your stomach became a harvest ground for butterflies and your heart rattled with longing for her.

you came close to telling her, to explaining how you felt - until one day, it just stopped.

the meetings stopped,

then the match invites,

then the messages,

everything stopped.

—————————

present day - 2 months later.

over the last months without talking to katie, you threw yourself into work and university in an attempt to distract yourself. you felt like you were going through a break up - could you even call it that? could you categorise this into the break up section? a friend break up? whatever it was, it hurt, and you found yourself still thinking about her.

friday nights felt weird now. usually sat on the sofa with a takeaway, katie sat on the other side with her food in her lap - laughing at some stupid program she had put on. now it was empty in the apartment, and you sat on the sofa alone with a cup of tea watching telly until it was time to get ready for bed.

you showered, careful to avoid putting soap the area of your newest tattoo addition on your wrist - letting the warm water run over the skin. when you were done, you made sure to moisturise and then cover it up again before getting dressed into your pjs.

you brushed your hair, and then began brushing your teeth - staring at yourself in the mirror and studying the ink that now littered your arms and chest.

you were deep in though when a a knock at your door disrupted your night time routine - still brushing your teeth when you pulled the door open to reveal a familiar face. your eyes lifted from the floor to finally meet hers on the other side of the threshold.

“katie..?

“can i come in?”

“uh, yeah- yeah- sure,” you stammered and stepped back to open the door wider for her, stepping away into the kitchen area to spit the froth from your toothpaste into the sink and quickly rinse before running back to shut the door behind her.

it was awkward. she stood in front of you in silence for a few beats, looking down at the ground as if she was figuring out what to say. you stood a few steps away, leant on the wall beside you with your arms crossed across your chest.

"why are you-"

"look i dont know why-"

you both spoke over eachother, breaking the silence that sat heavy between the walls. you shared a smile, it was brief, but it was there as you met her blues and waved your hand - gesturing for her to continue.

"look, i don't know why i'm here. i just got in my car and then i was on the drive and i just needed to speak to you. i just wanted to see you-"

"oh god you never shut up mccabe.." you whispered with an eye roll as you advanced towards her.

one step. what if she doesn't want this?

two steps. what if i've read this all wrong?

three steps. jesus her perfume..

every step you took was narrated by that voice in your head, you know, that one that tells you to shut up in uncomfortable situations and the one that speaks to you when you watch something brilliantly but so stupidly funny. you couldn't stop to think out loud, you couldn't stop full stop. point blank. period.

your feet were moving faster than your thoughts, and your thoughts were moving faster than your logic until you were so close you could feel her soft breath caressing the skin of your face.

"tell me not to, and i won't." you said softly

"god, you've always been too sweet for me."

there was no time to register what she said, her lips were on yours. they were everything you had thought of, they were soft but she kissed you with urgency. breathing heavily as her hands raised to either side of your face, pulling you closer than physically possible. your lips moved together sweetly, full of love.

you stayed like that for a few minutes, soaking each other in until she pulled away. lips swollen, taking a deep breath. there were no words exchanged between you, only eye contact - the sound of breathing shared. then you crashed together again, lips connected for a second time in the space of five minutes.

this time however, was harsher, and fast-paced. she was in control, gagging for it. hands grabbing at whatever fabric they could find on the opposing body, a small moan falling from your lips when her hands squeezed the skin of your waist and her lips broke from yours momentarily to grunt out a "jump." to which you gladly obliged, legs wrapping around her waist and her hands finding the skin at the top of your thighs - she held you like nothing, with no struggle as she passed through the hall and up the four steps to your bedroom.

when she placed you back down onto your feet you were quick to tug your top up and over your head, discarding it on the floor. before you could continue she grabbed your hand, finger tracing gently over the still-fresh tattoo across your wrist.

"this is new," katie whispered.

"i had a lot of time on my hands." you replied at the same volume, shrugging. she chuckled lightly, reading the words now littering the skin. "and you were always saying i was sweet.."

"aye, and you're yet to prove me wrong."

"don't start something you can't finish, katie."

"oh i'm very, very good at finishing, actually."

"shut up."

this time you had her, hands on the back of her neck as you pulled her in. grabbing the fabric that sat at the nape of her neck and pulling it over her head, only breaking the kiss until your path was cleared again. you span around, walking backwards until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed causing her to lay down. you wasted no time in straddling the top of her thighs, arms on either side of her head.

"behave." she muttered, hands gripping your thighs and switching your positions on the bed, now towering over you, arms replacing yours on the bed. mouth moving to your neck, nipping at the skin beneath your ear. "stop acting like you don't want me to have my way with you."

"stop acting like you've got it in you." you quipped back, smirking when her teeth grazed your earlobe roughly. her hand raising to grip your jaw and forcefully turn your head to face her.

"is that a challenge? hm?" it was rhetorical, her eyebrows raised and voice low.

"prove it."

she didn't need further pushing, lifting herself off the bed and taking a few steps back. you propped yourself up onto your elbows to watch, head tilted when she stared at you blankly. eyes flicking to your shorts before back up to your face.

"take em' off."

"you take them off."

"take. them. off. i won't be asking again."

you gave in with a huff, rolling your eyes and lifting your hips to peel your shorts off. biting down a smirk as you lifted your legs back onto the bed - revealing yourself to her.

"awfully cocky there, love."

"as if you don't love it."

"do you always have such a smart mouth?"

"i have a very lovely mouth."

"oh i bet."

she was on her knees then, face level with you. eyes locked on your gleaming pussy, fingers gliding through your folds and collecting your slick before bringing her digits to slip between her lips - tasting you. she laid her fingers back against you, prints flat against your clit, applying the perfect amount of pressure to make your head fall back on the bed behind you with a desperate moan.

she drew tight circles, watching you throb beneath her fingers. you moaned at the contact, your clit already sensitive. you didn't know how she managed it, but she had you falling apart from the pressure alone - and you could tell she loved every second of it with her lips drawn into a cocky smirk at the sight of your mouth falling agape when you began rutting up into hands as a plea for more.

“does that feel good darlin'?” she asked from between your thighs, her lips pressed against the soft skin of your leg, stopping their sloppy kisses for a second. you whimpered in response, nodding slowly. “use your words, love.”

“yes it feels good..” you whispered, licking your lips, your mouth increasingly dry.

“good girl..” she added, jaw clenched when she attached her lips to your thighs again. you savoured the feeling, the delicious feeling as she dragged her fingers roughly against you. the praise made your legs tense against her lips, sending a rush of pleasure down through the depths of your stomach.

“i want more. please.”

"hm? what was that?”

“i want your fingers..” you confessed, dragging your own teeth along the back of your hand which you were using to muffle the sultry sounds tumbling from your lips - biting down against the skin when you felt your face flush.

“please,” you begged, hips rising off the bed in a desperate act for more friction. she shut you down quickly, using her free hand to pin your hips back to the mattress.

“please what, darling..” she stalled, slowing down to an unbearable speed.

“i need you to fuck me,” your words made you squirm, eagerly waiting as you felt a single finger travel down and tease your hole before she pushed into you slowly. her own thighs clenching at the sound of you gasping as she added another finger, curling them methodically inside of you.

she stretched you out perfectly, her fingers moving at just the right speed to have you moaning with every thrust into you. her pace and pressure increased with the volume of your whimpers, back arched into her touch and face buried in your arms as her fingers pressed perfectly inside of you. she curled her fingers to press against your g-spot, mentally noting how perfect you sounded chanting her name. taking advantage of you being preoccupied by the pleasure, she moved to lay her tongue flat against your clit. fingers still moving inside you as she carefully flicked the bundle of nerves between her lips.

a moan rattled from the back of her throat as you coated her taste buds, the vibrations travelling straight to the fire now raging in the pit of your stomach and coursing through your legs - coaxing out a moan of your own.

she felt you tense and squeeze around her fingers, your clit throbbing against her mouth when she lifted her eyes to survey the scene above her. your eyes screwed shut and teeth gripping your bottom lip so tight it was sure to leave a mark. chest heaving and hands twisting in the sheets.

"you going to cum for me?"

“y-yes,” you stuttered, eyes rolling into the back of your head when her fingers curled a final time and she took your clit into her mouth with a pop.

“thats it. good girl.”

that was all it took for you, your orgasm crashing through your body and shaking through your limbs. legs shaking beside her head and cunt tensing around her fingers. back arched and screaming out her name.

katie let you ride it out, only stilling her fingers and withdrawing her tongue from you when your back finally laid against the bed again - catching your breath. she brought her fingers up to your mouth and slipped them past your lips for a second as she moved to straddle you, climbing up from the floor. her fingers dragged down the length of your chin and were replaced with her mouth, her tongue finding yours - allowing you to taste yourself from her mouth.

"wanna taste you," you managed to croak out through the kisses, gulping and lifting your hands to press against her chest. pushing her back and towards the pillows at the head of the bed until she was laid down. "my turn.." you whispered seductively in her ear, lips pursed and leaving small kisses in your path as you travelled down the length of her body.

her tracksuit bottoms were removed quickly and your fingers were hooked into the band of her underwear, pulling them down her tanned legs until they followed the rest of the clothes to reside on the floor. she was dripping, and the sight alone was enough to have you salivating below her.

the scrunchie in your hair had loosened after the previous events of the evening, and your hair was limp enough for her to slide her hand into the back of your locks. gripping tightly and pulling you closer to her pussy.

"go on, make me feel good."

you needed no further instruction, moving closer to her before she had even finished the sentence. you laid your tongue flat against her, lapping her up. she tasted almost as good as she looked. her eyes focused on you and her hand tight against your scalp, guiding you.

you couldn't look away, allowing her to take you as she wanted. moving your head against the rhythm of her hips - moaning your name when your eyes met hers innocently. her head fell against the headboard when you whimpered against her, her own noises mirroring yours as her legs started to close around your head.

"fuck, thats it. i'm gonna cum," she groaned, both hands on the back of your head as you drank her in. nodding eagerly between her thighs, silently begging for her to cum for you.

and she did. hard. crying your name out into the room around you, followed by a string of curses until she finally released your head from her hands and her legs laid limp beside her on the bed.

"jesus christ."

"nope, just me." you teased, now occupying the space beside her on the pillows. both of your bodies coated in a sheen layer of sweat and your eyes threatened to close with the sound of her steady breathing when her arms moved to embrace you.

"i didn't mean to just disappear how i did," she began, causing you to look at her again. "i just didn't want you to get caught up in the shit show that is my life,"

"katie, you could've just said you needed a bit of space,"

"but i don't think that's what i wanted, i just didn't to ruin what we were doing, and well, making.." she paused, taking one of your hands into her own and bringing her lips to press against the skin.

"you were just too sweet to me,"

[starsjulia]

rekindling us // leah williamson

a/n : based of this request!! also so sorry it’s short, school is currently consuming my being.

trigger warnings : accidental mistreatment of spouse? idk

You weren’t a footballer like Leah. You had your own passions, your own world, but you had always been her biggest supporter. Whenever Leah was exhausted after a long day, you’d make sure the house was tidy, cook her favorite meals, and offer her the kind of quiet comfort that came without asking. You didn’t need her to tell you how much she appreciated you—you believed her actions would show it. But lately, the actions weren’t there. The little things had faded away.

Leah was constantly missing plans. The dates you had carefully planned together were brushed off with a casual “Sorry, training went long,” or “I got caught up with the girls, we’ll do it next time.” You understood, at first. You knew how demanding her schedule was, how much her career meant to her. But the cancellations became more frequent, the nights spent waiting for her to come home stretched longer, and slowly, without even realizing it, you began to feel invisible.

You continued to put in the effort, thinking maybe she would notice if you worked harder. You took on even more around the house, making sure Leah didn’t have to lift a finger when she was home. But Leah barely acknowledged it. She was so wrapped up in her own world that she didn’t see how much you were doing, or how much it hurt to be overlooked.

One evening, you decided to make a special dinner. You knew Leah had been under a lot of stress lately, so you thought a quiet evening together would help her unwind. You spent hours preparing a dish (other than party food) that you knew she’d enjoy, setting the table with candles and soft music, hoping it would be a reminder of the love and connection you shared.

But Leah didn’t come home on time. As the hours ticked by, the food grew cold, and your heart sank. When she finally walked through the door, she didn’t even notice the effort you had put in. She tossed her bag on the chair and casually said, “Sorry I’m late. The girls wanted to grab a drink after training.”

You tried to hold it together, but the disappointment was overwhelming. She had forgotten, again. Forgotten the evening you’d planned, forgotten how much you’d been waiting for her. Without saying a word, you got up and went to the bedroom, tears stinging your eyes.

Leah, oblivious at first, finally noticed the candles, the untouched dinner, the quiet emptiness in the room. Her stomach twisted with guilt as she realized she had let you down again. She stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say, before making her way to the bedroom.

She found you sitting on the edge of the bed, tears streaming down your face as you hugged your knees to your chest. The sight of you so upset shattered her. She had never seen you like this before, and it hit her hard—how much she had been neglecting you without even realizing it.

“Babe…” Leah’s voice was soft, full of regret. She knelt beside the bed, reaching for your hand, but you pulled away slightly, hurt and frustration etched into every movement.

“Do you even care anymore?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been trying so hard, Leah. I cook for you, clean for you, wait for you—just to spend a little time with you. But it feels like I’m not even a part of your life anymore. Like you don’t see me.”

Leah’s heart clenched painfully. She hadn’t realized how much her actions had been hurting you. She had been so focused on her career, thinking you’d understand, that she had failed to see how much you were giving and how little she had been offering in return.

“I… I didn’t know,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion. “I didn’t see how much I was hurting you, and I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head, wiping at the tears on your cheeks. “I feel like I’m doing everything for you, and it’s never enough. I just want to feel like I matter to you. Like I’m more than just someone waiting at home for you.”

Leah’s breath hitched as she took your hands in hers, holding them tightly, as if afraid to let go. “You do matter. You matter more than anything, and I’ve been too caught up in everything else to show you that. I’ve been taking you for granted, and I’m so, so sorry for that. You deserve so much more than what I’ve been giving.”

Your tears fell freely now, but this time, Leah didn’t let go. She pulled you into her arms, holding you close as if trying to make up for all the times she hadn’t. “I’m sorry for missing our dates, for not being there when you needed me. I’ve been selfish, thinking you’d just understand, but that’s not fair. I love you more than anything, and I’m going to show you that. I’ll do better. I’ll be better.”

You sobbed into her chest, the weight of everything you��d been carrying finally spilling out. “I just miss us, Leah. I miss what we used to have.”

“I miss us too,” she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “And I’m going to make it right. I’ll make sure you never feel like this again. I love you, and I can’t lose you. Not over something like this.”

You stayed there for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, the silence between you no longer filled with pain but with the promise of something better. Leah’s apologies weren’t just words; you could feel the sincerity in the way she held you, in the way she promised to be more present, more aware.

In the days that followed, Leah kept her word. She made more time for you—whether it was something as simple as cooking dinner together or making sure you had a proper date night each week. She paid attention to the little things, the ones she had overlooked before. Every day, she made sure you felt loved, cherished, and appreciated.

The connection you shared began to heal, piece by piece. Leah started to see just how much you did for her, and she didn’t let a day go by without thanking you. She showed up for you, not just physically, but emotionally, and you could feel the shift in your relationship.

Leah would wrap her arms around you from behind while you cooked, pressing soft kisses to your neck and whispering, “Thank you. For everything you do. I love you so much.” You’d smile, feeling the warmth of her love and knowing she truly meant it.

It wasn’t long before you both found your rhythm again. The love between you was stronger now, forged through the realization of what truly mattered. Leah’s career would always be important, but she had finally learned that the most important part of her life was you—the person who had stood by her, supported her, and loved her through everything.

And from that point on, Leah made sure that you always knew just how much you meant to her. Because, in the end, no match, no trophy, no accolade could ever compare to the love she had with you. You were her heart, her home, and she would never let you forget it again.

[leah-lover]

Drive to survive. Leah Williamson x F1!reader

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

You have always been a Ferrari girl. Ever since you were a kid, you loved everything that had to do with Ferrari. Your room was Ferrari themed, most of your birthdays were Ferrari themed, and your favorite race was Monza. Little did little you know that one day you would race in Monza but for Mercedes.

You remember a couple of years ago when Charles won at Monza. You remembered as you screamed the Italian national anthem as all the Ferrari team did.

5 years later, you were in the paddock at Monza after a crazy race calendar. You had hoped that you could sing the British national anthem this time around and do what many want you to do, which is win your first race.

As you go in your car, you taped on the number 6 in your helmet, a ritual you developed after the crash. It reminded you that you had people who rooted for you, people you loved and they loved you back. Leah couldn't come to this race this time around because she had a game a few hours before.

At the race lines you were at p3 which wasn't bad. Max Verstappen was p1 then lando norris then you and Hamilton in behind you. As the lights were red, images of the crash, the fire, the hospital, Leah’s worried face, all came rushing to your mind. You gripped your wheel as hardly as you could and breathed through your panic.

“ Calm down, please calm down “ you whispered to yourself.

You tried to breathe but it was all too much, the helmet was suffocating you, the car was suffocating you, you couldn't breathe, you froze. You were back there in the race again, helpless, almost dying.

Suddenly you remembered what happened in the morning.

“ Baby I wish I could be there.” Said Leah through facetime. She was in bed, with only a blanket covering her chest, she still had bed hair but she was all the more beautiful.

“ I wish I could be at your game. It's an important qualifier.” You responded.

“ Don't worry I will crush it and so will you. Maybe you will be on the podium. It's achievable with p3 or at least podium.”

“ I don't know. I still freeze, that crash still haunts me”

“ I know darling. You said I saved you that night right. Just remember me. Remember my face, remember that I love you and that I am so proud of you.”

“ I love you too baby.”

“ Leah.” You whispered to yourself as the lights turned green.

“ For Leah.” You whispered again as you advanced forward.

By turn one you overtook lando and took p2. You kept your focus and your position keeping a closer distance to max.

“ Box box.” Said your assistant.

As you entered the box it all came back to you again.

“ Fire, crash, max, die “ you whispered to yourself. You gripped your wheel again and breathed through your anxiety.

“ You know what you are doing this for mate you can do it.” Said your team principal through the radio. And that managed to pull you back again. You stepped on the pedal, focused, and determined to win.

It was only a matter of time for you to overtake max. P1 was your position with 10 minutes in the race. You pushed through, no thought in your head but the checkered flag.

“ It is here in Monza. The home of Ferrari, her favorite car. She won. She, the woman. Who walked out of fire only a few weeks ago. She escaped fire, she escaped death, she came back to f1 to win and she did. The first ever woman to win in Monza, the first ever woman to win in formula one. Congratulations to you.” said the commentator as you crossed the checkered flag.

Tears streamed down your face. You did it. You won despite your anxiety and PTSD.

“ Thank you. Thank you Toto. Thank you Mercedes for believing in me. We won, we did it. “ You said as you went through the cool down lap.

When you got out of the car you stood on top of it and with your fingers put the number six over your chest as fireworks went behind you. It was for Leah, this win is because of her. You then jumped to meet your team and celebrate with them.

Later you did an interview.

“ Congratulations on the win. We noticed you always have number 6 on your car, helmet, suit and when you won you did number 6 as a celebration. What does that mean?” Asked the reporter.

“ Well you know I was in a fiery crash a few weeks back and the love of my life, the woman of my dreams, helped me survive it. She was the reason I walked out of the fire, she is the reason I am alive and she is most definitely the reason I won today “

“ Can we know who she is?”

“ She is Arsenal's number 6 and England captain Leah Williamson.”

“ Congratulations on the win, and we, all the women, are thankful to Leah helping you get here.”

You then went to the podium, stood proudly as you sung the British national anthem, got a champagne shower and headed back to the garage.

Leah Williamson. My girl ❤️. Congratulations on a well deserved win. You went through a lot to be here. Proud of you.

[updownlately]

how could i ever (treat my baby that way)

| leah williamson x reader | angst | 4.7k | inspo: never keeping secrets by babyface | a/n: got this ask a long ass time ago and it's finally gone somewhere. this is part one to a two part fic! (read part ii here)

~~~

You’d think that between the chilly air coming out of the air conditioning in the room and the freezing cold drink in your hand that you’d be comfortably cool, body not overheating despite being in a slightly crowded bar. 

You hoped that would be the case, just like it had been many times before. Yet, the way your body was burning right now contrasted your prayers, unusual for you, yet not surprising given the circumstances.

You knew you were pissed, could nearly feel the steam coming out of your own ears before your emotions could even make themselves known. It sucked, having to accept your fate, letting yourself get more and more agitated at the sight in front of you, hand tightening on your glass, fingertips white. But that’s all you could do, invisible rope holding you back, keeping your hands tied, the artist no other than the one you loved.

Letting your eyes drift over to the blonde, your blonde, in the middle of the dance floor, your jaw tightened. 

You knew she was yours, the two of you having been together for over a year now. You knew she was yours, your apartment being the one she resided in the most. You knew she was yours, ‘I love you’s’ whispered in the mingled breathes you shared late into the night. You knew she was yours. So why didn’t it feel like it?

Your unwavering gaze, almost like two laser beams, focused on your girlfriend, mentally begging her to look your way, to see the hurt in your eyes.

Taking a deep breath to try (and fail) to calm yourself down, you quickly downed the rest of your drink, thankful to have gone the sober route tonight. You didn’t know what drunk you would’ve done in all this hurt, and you surely didn’t want to find out.

Contemplating whether you should swim your way through the sea of people to the bar, you waited. You waited, and waited, and waited, pleading to the universe that she would meet your eyes.

She didn’t look. 

Not a single glance was sent your way.

She didn’t care. 

Shaking your head, anger quickly turning into disappointment, then sadness, you stepped out of where you were in the corner, having preferred to stay back by the booth as the rest of the girls enjoyed their night. 

Making your way over to the bar, you ordered yourself a water, hoping it would soothe the ache in your chest. 

Downing half of it as soon as the bartender passed it to you, you turned, eyes once again finding purchase on your girlfriend subconsciously.

You watched as she danced with the Chelsea player unashamedly, almost proudly, as if she didn’t have a girlfriend to go home to at the end of the night.

Naive and infatuated, you had never bothered to consider the difference between private and secret back when the idea was suggested to you. Now? Now you utterly resented the distinction between the two words.

Feeling the hair on the back on your neck rising however, you blinked out of your thoughts, quickly zoning back into real life, scanning the room for the cause before ocean eyes met yours. 

Leah.

The blonde was finally looking right at you, the girl in front of her continuing to dance in close proximity, her eyes closed- too gone with the music, to notice her distracted partner.

Raising an eyebrow in silent question, you waited.

You waited for a reaction, an apologetic smile, a mouthed sorry. Something to show she realized how her actions were hurting you. Anything. 

You waited a second, then another, and then another. 

Instead you got nothing, a continued blank look shot your way as she continued looking at you, head tilted.

You were well aware you didn’t have to say much, nearly a year of being in a relationship, a little over two of living together meant she knew you- quite well too, if you had an opinion on the matter. 

In this moment though, it felt like not enough. 

All the memorized takeout orders, her awareness on how you liked your coffee, what your moods were and how to best comfort you in your lows- her knowing all of that didn’t matter if she couldn’t understand how absolutely heartbroken you felt right now, watching her keep away from you, dance with another body that wasn’t yours, marking a win that you both shared, but only one of you were celebrating.

It didn’t matter if she didn’t realize she was hurting you. 

Bringing your drink towards your chest, you ducked your forehead down, letting the cool glass bring you some reprieve to your growing headache, no doubt caused by heartache. 

Wanting nothing more than to leave, teammates be damned- this night was over for you long ago- you placed the glass back on the bar top, thanking the woman behind it once again before heading over to the team’s table.

Quickly grabbing your coat, confident that Leah could find her way home- not out of malice but with the staggering number of your shared friends, teammates, and rival players in the club- you bid adieu to Steph and Kim, the only two by the table, citing a tired body as your excuse. 

Exiting the stifling atmosphere and slipping into the cool air, you took a deep breath in, forcing your shoulders to relax in an attempt to convince yourself you were okay. 

Well aware that Leah’s eyes had followed you out, you committed the sound of only your footfalls in the late night into memory, eyes stinging, shaky breaths escaping you. 

Beginning the trek home, your apartment not too far, you let yourself get lost in your thoughts. 

~~~

It’s much, much, later when you hear the unmistakable jingle of Leah’s keys by your front door- three forty-three am to be exact. 

You weren’t surprised to hear her here. It was very much expected in fact, the blonde spending nearly all her days and nights here since quarantine started, not bothering to move out once you had made things official. 

Sighing at the fact that you hadn’t slept a wink since you had reached home, not for a lack of trying but for having to console your dejected heart, you internally groaned at the thought of dealing with a drunk Leah. 

Putting your grief aside for the time being and rising out of bed, you rubbed the tiredness out of your eyes and padded over to the kitchen just as Leah stumbled into the entry hallway in front of you. 

Taking in the sight before you, you sighed warily. 

The blonde looked absolutely disheveled- hair matted to her forehead but sticking out everywhere, heels in her hand, and exhaustion pouring out of her eyes.

Watching her stagger blindly towards the island, you quickly put an arm around her waist, leading her to sit on a barstool as you silently grabbed her some water.

Placing the glass in front of her, you turned, planning to head into your shared bedroom to get a set of clothes for the midfielder to change into when her groggy voice interrupted your actions, derailing your thoughts.

“You left early…”

The accusatory tone wasn’t lost on you, your defences immediately going up. 

Baffled at how it was your behaviour being questioned, you shook your head in shock. 

“I did,” you state matter-of-factly, turning to face her. 

You paused for a second, waiting to see what the blonde would say next, already on edge from the rollercoaster of emotions from today.

“Why?”

The question put you in a state of incredulity, your anger and hurt resurfacing.

“Why? You’re really asking me why?” Your voice came out louder than you would’ve liked, given the time, but you didn’t pay much mind. 

“Leah, you spent the whole night getting cozy with another girl. The whole night! While I was there! And you’re asking me why I left early?”

“We were just dancing…it’s not like I was making out with her in the middle of the dance floor.” The slurred words combined with the eye-roll from the defender had you shaking your head. “It was completely platonic.”

You couldn’t believe this.

“You’re joking right? Or did you get a concussion mid-game that I don’t know about?” 

“Relax... just because you can’t go a few hours without me doesn’t mean I have to do the same.” 

The slurred words coupled with the nonchalant tone with which Leah expressed herself caused you to lose your breath for a second, mind baffled.

“Did you-,” collecting yourself for a second, you asked her, “…did you just call me clingy?”

Swallowing hard in the silence that followed, you felt your stomach sink.

“You’re really calling me clingy?” The shakiness in your voice made itself known, disbelief becoming apparent.

“It was friendly.” You watched as Leah turned her body away from you, choosing to rest her head on the cool countertop in order to find some relief from her probable headache.

“Was it? You want me to go fucking drape myself all over Millie the next we go out with the United team? Let me know if you feel ‘clingy’ then?” Voice rising more than quiet words once more, you took a step back, trying to put space between you and the other girl. 

“Oh come on it wasn’t that big of a deal…” 

You would have agreed it this hadn’t happened so often, so many times in the past- tonight being your tipping point.

There had already been multiple team events where the blonde stayed the furthest away from you, never bothering to celebrate your goals with you, avoiding any physical contact, almost as if it burned her to be near you. Hiding away any photos you took together, platonic or romantic, in her phone, them never once leaving her library. 

You didn’t know how much more of this you could take, really. 

Ignoring that she couldn’t see you, you shook your head at Leah. Clenching your jaw, you decided to forego taking care of the blonde like you had planned.

“Great, then neither will be you going to bed alone tonight,” you scoffed. 

You saw the midfielder immediately shoot up into a sitting position from her slumped state, eyes wide, body tense.

“We haven’t slept apart since the pandemic, you know that,” her timid voice echoed in the dark apartment.

It was true. You’d both had gotten lucky since and had even been paired up for the handful of times the team had stayed in a hotel, the only time spent apart being during international breaks.

“Well I feel like I was too clingy earlier so I wanna give you space now, since you so clearly crave that.”

“Babe…” 

Well aware that you were too upset to think rationally, you continued ignored Leah’s pleas. Turning on your heel, you started to make your way to grab your pillow and head to the guest room, choosing to kick yourself out rather than disturb the midfielder.

Hearing footfalls behind you, you shook your head as you continued on your path.

“Leah, go to bed. I’m sleeping alone and that’s final.” Your voice came out cold, almost stoic.

The blonde reached for your hand, fingertips barely skimming yours as you harshly pulled your arm to your chest, cradling it.

“Leah I fucking mean it.”

Shoulders dropping, the blonde dejectedly agreed, too out of it to protest again.

Hearing a lack of footsteps behind your own as you made your way across the hall, you shuddered as your heart sank deeper, the weight in your chest settling torturously.

Why did love hurt?

~~~

You didn’t know it but Leah’s miserable the next few days without you. She’s well aware she’d put her foot in her mouth far enough, dug her own grave, but she misses you terribly anyways. 

She misses your hugs in the morning and how you’d let her cuddle you as you cooked breakfast. She misses your kisses and the way you’d randomly just come sit with her during your free time. She misses you being around her, you always hyper, your energy infectious, always brightening her moods. She especially missed your mere presence, you now never spending more time than needed in the same room as her now, instead electing to leave for practice much earlier than needed, picking up takeout and eating in your room, doing anything and everything to ensure you both would never cross paths for longer than a handful of seconds. 

The distance between you had been so noticeable that it didn’t take the team long to catch on, the way you didn’t gravitate to Leah at every given chance during training a stark contrast to your regular shenanigans. 

It had gotten to the point where the team had even been too scared to ask you directly, your frustration clear enough on the pitch with how hard you trained, interactions with the rest of your teammates minimizing as well.

It’s why Beth and Lia had quietly confronted Leah, both uneasy at what had changed between you both. 

“You two okay? She keeps avoiding you at practice, and to be honest, it’s slightly worrisome…” Lia’s voice trailed off as her, Beth, and Leah made it back towards the locker rooms post-practice.

Taking a quick look over her shoulder, not finding you trailing behind, Leah faced the Swiss captain, voice dropping lower. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. She’s just going through some personal stuff. She’ll be okay…”

The ‘I hope so’ went unsaid, but the way Leah’s pitch rose at the end of the statement had the two other player’s eyebrows raising in silent question, thoughts they both chose not to voice on the tip of their tongues.

Nodding in response, the trio continued their walk in silence, no one wanting to push too hard.

Unsaid or not, all three knew that nothing was fine, Leah more so than the others, and it scared her immensely. 

~~~

Stress clear on her face, Leah sprinted off the pitch after the game against Chelsea, chasing you down the tunnel before the rest of the team had even left the field. 

Catching up to your tired body, she grabbed your hand and pulled you in the opposite direction to a more secluded spot, uncaring of how drained you absolutely were.

Too tired from the past few days to refute, you let yourself be pulled.

When the blonde figured you two had made it far enough down the tunnel to talk without being heard, she quickly turned on her heel, stopping and looking at you, face screwed in displeasure. 

“What the fuck was that on the field today? Why were you so aggressive?! You got carded for fuck’s sake- you don’t get carded…ever!”

Sighing, barely scrounging up the energy for the conversation, you closed your eyes, pulling your arm away from her hold.

“I played the game. That’s what I did. Fouls are part of the game,” Your voice was rigid, no fight in you, not after how horribly you’d been sleeping as of late, the argument from nights ago not only affecting the blonde. 

“You played dangerously, that’s what you did! You were irresponsible, careless, and…and reckless! Not to mention selfish! Do you know how much of a difficult situation it would’ve been had you got a red? And with the way that referee was calling fouls, it’s a miracle you didn’t!” 

You could’ve gotten hurt. The words go unsaid.

By now the blonde was nearly yelling, face red from frustration.

Please just let me go.

Biting the inside of your cheek to stay calm, you sighed again.

“Game’s over either way. I didn’t get a red and we won…I don’t see a problem here.” Your voice curt, you made a move to step past the midfielder.

You didn’t get far however, the other girl’s hand coming to grasp your wrist to prevent you from stepping away any further. 

Stopping briefly in your tracks, you didn’t turn. You couldn’t. You couldn’t because if you did, she’d see the tears that were threatening to fall, heart exhausted. 

Instead, you shake your head, tugging your arm out of her grasp and bringing it to cautiously wipe away the few tears that had escaped. 

Watching your figure walk away, Leah’s face fell at your lack of care. 

Dejectedly, she followed you, a fair distance away. Making her own way to the change rooms with a flurry of thoughts in her head and an ache in her chest, she swallowed the lump in her throat.

She couldn’t even blame anyone but herself. 

~~~

Entering the locker room, Leah took a quick look around, the rest of the team nearly showered and changed out of their kits, save for you. 

Ignoring Lia and Katie’s questioning, the blonde walked over to her locker and began to get ready to shower.

Lucky that this was a home game, Leah knew she could take her time.

Taking a quick shower, she tried to casually wait for you to finish up- well aware that you were trying to drag out your own shower, hoping that you wouldn’t cross paths with your girlfriend (ex?- you didn’t really know.) 

The Gunner relented however, making up a lame excuse at Beth’s plea for her to join her on the walk out.

Patiently sitting, nearly alone in the locker room as she watched the rest of the girls file out, she waited. 

She waited as the patter of water ran longer than usual. 

She waited as she slowly heard it come to a stop, an eerie silence consuming the room.

She waited as you finally stepped out minutes later, wet hair tied in a messy but, club gear resting comfortably on your frame. 

She waited as you realized she was still here, eyes widening as a quiet fuck escaped your lips. 

Patience wearing thin now, she stood up, her own bag forgotten as she made her way to you. 

“Listen-“

You didn’t even let her finish though, instead cutting her off before another word could be said, your hand held between you to keep a distance. 

“Honestly? Save it.”

“No, but-“

Shaking your head, you slipped past her, beginning to quickly throw your dirty kit and toiletries into your kit bag.

Silence covered the room for a moment, only the noises of you angrily packing your kit bag to be heard. 

It didn’t last long however, timid words cutting through the tense atmosphere. 

“I’m sorry.”

You froze in your spot at your words, your sweaty jersey just barely dangling in your hands as you inhaled sharply.

Collecting yourself, you shook your head, Leah’s words meaning nothing to you. 

“Okay.”

The blunt, one word reply of yours hit Leah harder than she anticipated, this not at all how she was expecting this conversation to go.

Swallowing hard, she stepped around you, coming to a stop a short ways away, standing between the door and you. 

Wringing her hands nervously, Leah’s voice came out meek, eyes nearly downcast and heart pounding.

“Is that all you’re going to say?”

Laughing darkly at the other girl’s words, you stopped your movement again, turning around with your hands resting on your hips, a cold look in your eyes.

“What else do you want me to say?” Clenching your jaw, you gave Leah a blank look. 

“I-…”

Raising her eyes to meet you, the skipper straightened her back out, nerves rising as she took note of how rigid your posture was- how distant you were from her despite only being a few feet apart.

As you realized she wasn’t going to say anything, you decided to confront her on what had been on your mind throughout the second half of the game.

“You wanna explain what I heard at half-time? Because I’d really love to hear how you plan to spin this one on me this time…”

The deer-in-headlights look you got in return let you know she knew exactly what you were talking about.

At half time, just as the players were headed back in, a young fan had nearly begged Leah to sign her jersey. 

Never one to say no to a supporter of women’s soccer, much less of Arsenal and a young teen, Leah had quickly veered off, making small talk with the girl as she signed and posed for a photo.

Everything had been smooth sailing really, in fact, you watched the whole interaction with a smile on your face as you approached the tunnel.

Too bad good things never lasted.

Just as Leah had been ready to walk away from the stands, the young girl had innocently asked the question that had changed your whole mood.

The high pitched voice asking whether you and Leah were dating had easily carried over to you, repeating in your head since, a broken tape recorder you just couldn’t turn off.

What stuck with you however, was the Gunner’s response- the immediate scoff, zero hesitation or regret on her face as the words ‘absolutely not…she’s not my type’ escaped her. Words that were followed by a shrug and a cheeky grin that haunted you for the second half. 

You always had a feeling you weren’t good enough for her, your insecurity a topic of conversation for many nights in the past- nights where the blonde spent countless hours convincing and proving otherwise. 

Now though? Now it all felt like a lie- recollections of all those middle-of-the-night cuddles and hushed conversations making your heart heavy with the way her denial of your relationship came so quickly, so easily. 

Maybe this wasn’t meant to be, not as much you had wished it was.

Since the start of your relationship, when going out, whether it was with the team or just the two of you, Leah would distance herself from you, never sitting beside you even though she claimed you two were the bestest of friends. Choosing to be anybody else’s partner during media days. Hell, even going as far as standing on the opposite side to you during pre-match photos. And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t twist the knife in your chest just a little bit more each time that it happened.

If you were honest, you didn’t know how much bigger you could let the gaping wound get, unsure of whether your heart could handle another twist.

It’s why your next words physically hurt you to say, your voice quiet, its echo ringing in your ears.

“if you’re really that embarrassed of me, maybe we shouldn’t even be together…”

A shiver runs through your spine as you continue to look at Leah.

The admission feels heavy, the bright lights of the room unable to lift the somber mood in the slightest.

You can see a shuddering breath wrack her body at your words, and you can feel the distance between you two growing, mere feet feeling like hundreds of metres, goosebumps rising as the room grows significantly colder.

The reply comes slow, but the intensity, the anger, the defence in her voice at the words nearly knocks you back.

“It’s not like that…” 

The words are emotion laced, Leah’s head tilted to the side as her eyes search your face for any indication of what’s on your mind.

“Really? Then what’s it like? Is it just going to be you denying our relationship till the end? Is it just going to be you getting cozy with another girl and calling me clingy and overreactive? Is it just going to be you claiming you’ve done nothing wrong? Telling Lia that I’m going through something?” 

Shaking your head, a wry smile crossed your face. “Don’t be surprised- at least Wally cared enough to make sure I was doing okay, y’know? Something you haven’t asked me once.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me near you…” The timid admission had you shaking your head, displeased with her response.

Pinching the bridge of your nose, eyes closing as you tried to hold back your frustration, you spoke.

“Thats the issue Leah….you just don’t fucking know. You don’t know what you want. You don’t know how this relationship is going to work. You don’t know when you want to tell everyone we’re together. You don’t see how much it hurts me every time you deny that we are anything more than teammates, even friends! You just so happen to not know you’re breaking my heart each and every goddamn day!”

Chest heaving in frustration, you swallowed hard, you ears heating up in embarrassment of your outburst, eyes going everywhere but to the girl in front of you.

 It’s as you contemplate your next words that the blonde sees your anger turn to sadness, eyes dropping, shoulders sinking.

“You know what? I think- I think we’re done Leah.” 

Your voice was a whisper, the words strained, almost as if it cut you to say them.

“I can’t do this. I really can’t…”

“Wait no…”

You shook your head, barely any energy left in you. 

“How many times Leah? How many times are we gonna go back and forth like this? How long do I have to wait for you to get on the same page? It’s nearly been a year for fuck’s sake.”

Taking a deep breath, you grab your bag, your eyes firmly trained on the floor as you side step Leah and take off to your car, not once looking back.

If you had though, you would’ve seen the broken way the taller woman stood at the exit, eyes damp, body rigid in shock, fists clenched at her sides as she struggled to process what had just happened. 

Being snapped out of her daze at the slam of the door shutting by its own weight, the blonde came back to reality, the weight of your words finally sinking in. 

Swallowing hard as the alarm bells went off in her head, she turned on her heel, yanking the door open and running to follow you.

You are nowhere to be found though, she makes her way to the carpark, just to notice you pull out of your spot, not an ounce of hesitation in your actions. 

Hearing a pair of footsteps beside her though, ones that were most definitely not yours, Leah tensed at the thought of another person’s presence where you should be standing.

Glancing over to see Lia, the English captain tightened her jaw, closing her eyes in an unsuccessful attempt to hide just how broken she felt right now. 

“She told me to give this to you- said something about having an issue to attend to…” The words came out quiet from Lia, your set of keys for Leah’s home in her hold, dangling in the space between the two national captains, nearly mockingly.

Voice dropping an octave, Lia decided she had enough of the wait, eyes growing in concern at her counterpart’s disheveled look.

“Leah what’s going on between you two? She seemed pretty upset leaving…”

Swallowing, the Gunner knew she had her chance to come clean, to finally admit to herself that she hurt you, more than she ever thought she would.

Instead though, she didn’t- the idea of saying out loud that you left her too unbearably painful to speak into existence.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged instead, schooling her own expression into a somewhat relaxed one, “we didn’t talk much in the locker room, she seemed pretty stressed in there.”

Raising her eyebrows, Lia didn’t seem to buy it but she didn’t push and Leah didn’t know whether to feel relieved or not.

Grabbing the keys firmly from the Swiss’ hold, Leah turned towards the locker rooms once more, this time not bothering to wipe her tears as they fell, glad for the lack of footsteps behind her. 

With no idea as to where you went or when you would be back, she had no option but to wait and hope it would be soon- soon enough that she could rectify her mistakes and make you hers again- the best thing she ever had, gone, just like that.

~

(read part ii here)

[delfiore]

—LIKE REAL PEOPLE DO.

pairing: leah williamson x reader

synopsis: a collection of private moments from a relationship between two public figures.

word count: 3.4k

warnings: IMPLICIT SMUT

a/n: this fic was proudly sponsored by hozier’s entire discography and my need to get a gf

SEQUEL: DO YOU THINK I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU?

ONE. As It Was.

As it always was, London was raining when you came home.

The pitter-patter of the rain hitting the window panes reminded you of childhood, when it was autumn and smelled like the earth, and burying yourself in the piles of dry leaves in the backyard was like swimming in the clouds.

The rain reminded you of love and hot cocoa and scented candles.

The apartment was bathed in an orange hue from the three candles placed neatly on the coffee table when you dragged your suitcase inside. You could still hear the rain when you saw the way her eyes lit up and felt her heart pressed against yours.

You let yourself smile like it was the easiest thing in the world; because it was. You were home because you were with her.

TWO. Eat Your Young.

“Babe! What d’you want for dinner?” You heard her call from the living room.

You had just finished a chapter from your book. “Eh . . . pasta?”

“We already had pasta last night, love.”

“More pasta?” You smiled sheepishly, seeing the way she rolled her eyes but went along with your idea.

To her, there was never anything she could have the heart to deny you from, especially now that she had you back after having lent you to your work for so long.

You were supposed to be halfway across the world filming your new movie. It was only because of the writer’s strike, an unforeseen event, that gave you back to her. You had flown back from a shoot to be there for her in the days after she ruptured her ACL and when she had her surgery, but she found herself missing you the moment you left for work again.

Music played softly from the speaker on the kitchen counter as you chopped the cherry tomatoes while she boiled the noodles since that was the only thing you were okay with her doing without burning the entire building down.

“Remember to let the water boil first,” you said without turning around.

“I did,” she whined, her words trailing longer than necessary if she was telling the truth.

You stopped chopping and glanced behind your shoulder with a deadpan. “Leah.”

The water was clearly not bubbling, and yet the poor rigatoni noodles were already dunked in the pot.

“I’m sorry, I forgot again,” the girl smiled sheepishly.

You rolled your eyes at her and shook your head as she sidled up behind you with her arms around your waist.

You could never grow tired of being held in her arms like this, the warmth created by her chest pressing up against your back, and the anticipation of her timid kisses against your neck. The knife in your hand had long been set down in fear of injury by your trembling hands. Your footballer always liked to tease you until you had no choice but to submit.

“Am I forgiven?” Her voice was husky in your ear.

You were quick to regain your composure before you turned around. “Depends on if those noodles are edible or not.”

“Or we could just ditch dinner and eat each other instead.”

“Cute,” you grinned and pressed your lips against hers. You heard the slightest whimper when you gathered her bottom lip with your teeth and lightly tugged on it. “Needs some seasoning. Otherwise, good enough.”

“That’s what I meant, obviously.”

In the end, the pasta was long forgotten, and you had to order a pizza instead because, by the time she was done, you could barely walk to the other side of the kitchen.

THREE. I, Carrion (Icarian).

You had always been uncomfortable with silence. It was why you brought your speaker everywhere, why you preferred the city over the countryside, why you always felt the need to fill the silence in a room with conversation where there were other people. To you, silence meant a weapon, a way of waging war without actually doing it—the cowardice of dishonesty. So any chance you had to snuff out a glimpse of it, you did. Most of the time, though, the only war waged was the one you did to yourself in your mind.

But whenever you are with her, none of those threats present themselves. She has made silence enjoyable and something you wish you had learned to appreciate earlier, not fear it.

She had put on a movie for the both of you to watch on the couch. You usually felt the need to provide commentary were you with friends, but you were content with enjoying the movie in silence, occasionally looking over to your blonde lover to admire her on the other end of the couch. Your left leg was currently stretched across the cushions, as Leah gave you a foot massage whilst watching the movie.

Sometimes she didn’t feel real, like it was all a sick and twisted dream waiting to drop you on your head when you wake up. But it never did, because every time you reached for her, she was always there; even when you were timezones apart, she would find a way to be there for you in spirit.

“Babe, watch the movie. I like this one,” she spoke, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“I feel like it should be me giving you a foot massage,” you said, lifting your chin towards her healing knee.

“Nah. You were the one sitting on a 12-hour flight to get back here,” she put pressure in the center of your foot.

With your arm on the backrest, you lifted it to brush the tips of your fingers against her hair, inching closer toward the skin on her neck. She noticed, of course, and sent a cheeky grin your way.

Your lover smiled and laughed like a child does. You loved it whenever she showed her teeth when she smiled, stripping down the front of the stoic and reliable captain of European champions that she had to be. You hated that she always lifted others up, yet put so much pressure on herself. You wished that she would be selfish sometimes, for when you weren’t there to pick up the pieces.

You never fared well, being away from her for long, which was why when she pulled you towards her and closed the distance between the two of you on the couch, you obliged.

“I love you,” she whispered after pressing a slow kiss on your lips.

With a lovesick sigh, you caressed her cheek and repeated her words. You loved the way her blue eyes narrowed watching you when you were so close to her face. The movie was running on the TV, but the only one you wanted to watch was her. You’d have to rewind it later.

FOUR. To Someone From A Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe).

There was a simplicity in all of it. This aspect of your life that, amidst the chaos and complications and unfairness in the world, was just that. Love. It was simple, it was sweet, it was yours.

It reminded you of a quote you read once: “He is half of my soul, as the poets say.” If anyone asked you why you loved her, you wouldn’t be able to answer. It would simply be that because she was she, and you were you.

Maybe Zeus never intended for soulmates to find each other. He was the one who split them up in the first place because he knew they would be impossible to part if the two halves merged.

She is half of your soul, as the poets say.

There was something so transcending about loving someone, and having it reciprocated. Every part of it; the good, the bad, the ugly. But you wanted all of it. You wanted to experience everything with her, because she was half of your soul, and it was the only way you could ever feel close to whole again before Zeus split you into two.

Your lover was panting quietly on top of you, her golden hair falling over her face like a lion’s mane. Her eyes fluttered close, her lips parted, her skin was hot to the touch. You watched, seeing the slightest shift in her face as she pulled your legs to her chest, the friction of her rocking slowly turning palpable as it fell into a rhythm. You would hold onto her, your fingers pressing down to create temporary craters into her skin, treading lightly, not wanting to disturb her pleasure, like a lone astronaut exploring a rogue planet.

You sighed contentedly hearing her quiet whines, an indication of an impending release. Your lover has never been loud, like she was saving everything she was feeling for you like everything would only be contained in these four walls, only for the both of you to share.

At some point, she had mumbled something and leaned down to flip you on your front. Even while her movements were restricted by her healing knee, she still liked to be as rough as she could, and you liked it, when she was always so sweet and gentle out of bed. It made you feel wanted, the way she pinned you to the bed and pressed herself against you, the way she intertwined your fingers and coaxed you through your high and kissed you until your lips were bruised and pulsating.

She made you feel wanted, even after you both had given each other euphoria, her frantic kisses to your skin always managed to elicit short giggles out of you. You would whisper in her ear after she had rolled over, the bedsheet warm and damp where she lay, holding her lean body close to yours, just like before Zeus had split you in half.

You are half of her soul, as the poets say, and unless a primordial god physically grabbed you by the waist and tore you away from your soulmate, you would stay here, one moment after another, until infinity. After that, you’d wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

FIVE. Wasteland, Baby!

Your lover was a light sleeper. You had discovered that within the first few months of dating. The way she stirred awake was not dissimilar to how a fussy baby wakes up at the slightest of noises. Usually, she would be quite grumpy as well.

Your circadian rhythm looked more like arrhythmia with the jet lag you were experiencing, in addition to the irregular hours you slept due to having to adjust for filming. Which was why you were in the living room, reading, so your tossing and turning wouldn’t disturb her sleep.

Once again, whenever you were with her, the silence didn’t bother you. Not when you were bathed in her scent wearing her sweater and the premise of her resting a room away from you.

It was around two in the morning when you heard the bedroom door open and close, and the sound of quiet feet shuffling on the floor.

“Hey, you. Why are you awake?” You asked gently, extending a hand out to her.

“I woke up to use the bathroom and you weren’t there,” her bottom lip jutted out like it always did when she wanted your attention.

You stifled a giggle and a coo at how adorable a 26-year-old woman could be. “I just thought I’d leave you be since I couldn’t sleep.”

Without prompting, your lover made herself comfortable on the couch and snuggled into your side. “You’re wearing my jumper.”

You continued reading with one hand while the other rested on her head, and stroking it lightly. “Yeah, found it lying around.” You placed a short kiss on her hair.

“I love this, Y/N,” she said, her words nearly unintelligible from mumbling into the fabric of your sweatshirt. “I made a Pinterest board the other day for our future home.”

“Ooh, tell me more.”

“I’d like to live in the countryside somewhere, with like a farm. It’ll be a cottage with vines all over the walls and everything, wooden kitchen set, a sunroom.”

“I can see that,” you said, “what about the city? You ever dreamed of living in New York? Paris? Hong Kong?”

“I’d feel like a fish out of water. I can barely stomach London. You’d been to all those places.”

You have, but nowhere felt like home unless you were with her. You could make a home in Antarctica if she was there with you.

“All of them are overrated anyway.” You hummed. “I like it wherever I’m with you.”

Her nose crinkled whenever you’d say cheesy stuff like that. You never knew how much those words made her heart skip a beat, as she buried her face in your neck.

“I realized as I said it,” you scrunched your face too.

“Working with Wes Anderson made you a sap now, hasn’t it?” She quite enjoyed this side of you. “It’s fine. I like it.”

Sleep found her again shortly after. In the morning, she woke with a sore back, but her heart was full, realizing she had been tangled in your arms all night.

SIX. Swan Upon Leda.

To know pain; the kind of pain that cuts through your flesh and leaves you bleeding dry. A stinging sensation that soon turns into agonizing hellfire and the knowing that there are several more spirals of hell still waiting to make you bleed. It was to witness someone who was half of your soul be in pain whilst you were powerless against the evil, and all you could do was pray that it would spare your soulmate and take you instead.

Your hand clasped around hers like iron chains, rubbing her back soothingly, as if the warmth from the back might manifest in her front and assuage the pain. She lay on the bathroom floor, her breathing slow and hard, like she was grappling with the evil that, by the looks of it, was winning. Clutching the heating pad to her stomach, her only lifeline, she curled away from you and into herself even further.

“Love, let’s move you to the bedroom where you can lay comfortably, yeah?” You asked gently.

She huffed and grunted. “Can’t move. Hurts.”

Your lover, your Lioness, Queen of Europe, falling apart by an invisible evil, immobilizing her like a wounded deer. The coldness of the tiles couldn’t have helped, but she couldn’t move.

Spare her. Give me the pain instead.

You leaned down, lowering yourself slowly to the cold, until you were flat on the floor too. Gently, you pulled her to turn to face you. Your Lioness was clenching her jaw, a vein splitting her forehead from how hard she was trying to pretend it didn’t bother her.

And it stung even more when she let out a choked sob.

Then she said with a trembling sigh, “Don’t want you to see me like this.”

Her face was stained with streaks of silent tears, a sign of the raging battle she had to endure for years finally getting the best of her. But the evil had never seen the best of her; she reserved it all for you.

“Oh, baby.” Your hand came up to cup her face, the frame that held the entire world.

It didn’t matter that your lover was curled up on the bathroom floor, she was still your bravest girl, your strongest soldier, and your fiercest Lioness.

“You’re the strongest person I know,” you said sincerely, “and I’m not leaving you, not now, not ever.”

Your lover beamed tearfully like sunshine in the rain and clung herself onto you.

Young love was the thing of fairytales. You would never claim to have it all figured out, but if what you had wasn’t love, you didn’t know the half of anything.

SEVEN. Like Real People Do.

As serious as your lover made herself out to be, she was the biggest goof on the planet the moment a drop of alcohol entered her system. Never acted out of line, never said anything that she’d regret in the morning, just the rowdiest thing that considered waving her arms in the air while wobbling back and forth dancing. It made a spectacular scene to watch, especially whenever she was with her best friend, whom you had to thank for bringing her into your life.

Even the people in her life who knew her as responsible and trustworthy would be concerned at this entirely different side to her, to which you only waved them off with a laugh, and said, “She’ll be fine.”

She would always be because she always had you to take care of her.

“Water, babe?” She knew to listen to you and chugged the whole thing in one breath.

“Come dance with me?” She offered when the DJ slowed the music.

She looked too good not to, so you took her hand and followed her to the dance floor. Once there, she wrapped her arms around your waist and pressed a kiss on your forehead. “Come closer. You smell so good.”

You laughed. “Creep.”

“This is our song,” she chuckled.

The familiar melody elicited distant memories of shy ‘hello’s and stolen glances, her best friend pushing her towards you, and her keeping your number on the phone all night until she finally gathered the courage to press on it.

It was the first song on every playlist you sent each other, like a stamp, a greeting, a confession.

It was the song that played when it was just the two of you alone after she became her country’s pride and joy.

“I remember,” you said, brushing a strand of her hair back from her blue eyes, dazed ones that looked at you like you held the world in your hands. “I thought you’d be more confident, just from seeing how you are on the pitch. It was very endearing.”

“I was nervous, okay?” She groaned, laughing quietly. “I didn’t wanna embarrass myself in front of a movie star.”

“I’m glad you asked me to dance, even though—”

“I’m shit at dancing, yeah.”

You giggled, and bumped her nose. “I feel so lucky to have you in my life.”

She was swaying you back and forth, humming to the song gently, a far cry from the first time you had asked her to dance, and she panicked and said her legs were made for football and not dancing.

“I’m still shit at dancing,” she chuckled.

“I don’t care,” you shook your head. “I still love you.”

“Even if I’ve got two left feet?”

“Mmhm.”

She grinned and kissed you, inhaling deeply. “I can feel Alex taking pictures of us—Yup, her phone is out and it’s pointing at us. Very subtle, Alex.” You laughed when you turned around to see your lover already flipping the bird at her best friend.

“We do have her to thank for getting us to meet.”

“That’s ‘cause she beat me to it first. I would have found a way to you.”

“You didn’t even know me then, babe.”

“Yeah, but I’d still find my way to you.” She was giggling because you had pulled a face. “What? It’s true.”

Leah loved deeply, and boldly. You made her feel special like she was the only person in the world. You also made her feel ordinary, like she wasn’t the face of a nation and only any other stranger walking down the street. Inside the little bubble you were both in, you were just Leah and Y/N, two people in love.

The song had come to its end, and yet she still hadn’t let you go. Three little words sat on the tip of both of your tongues. You pressed a kiss to her lips first. She kissed you back, on the lips, then on the neck softly.

I love you.

I love you.

What you didn’t know was that she planned to make you a promise of forever, with a ring hidden in a drawer waiting at home.

Simple. Sweet. Ours.

EIGHT. De Selby (Part 1).

“Lee?”

“Hm?”

“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”

“Mate, honestly like—“

[daniswoso]

Short sight.

Leah Williamson x Reader.

Warnings: Angst, breakup, reader overthinking, reader breaks up with leah, online hate, overthinking, anxiety, self doubt.

Summary: In which you can’t see that you’re perfect for Leah like she says you are after a social media post gets negative attention.

*******

“Y/N, what the fuck are you on about?” Leah asked, incredulous. She couldn’t believe you were breaking up with her, she thought you were happy. She thought things between you were good! And better yet, she had allowed herself to actually fall in love again, to believe that she was allowed to be loved.

Well, that all went to shit, didn’t it?

“Leah, I’m sorry. I love you, you know I do. I just-“

“Just what, Y/N?!”

“I’m not right for you!” You finally snapped, tears streaming down your cheeks as you looked at her. She looked back at you as though she had been burned. It broke your heart more and more with every second longer you looked at the crease in her eyebrow deepen.

“Y/N, what? What do you mean ‘not right for you’?” She asked, her voice was softer than it was before, clearly she held some semblance of guilt for yelling.

“I’m sorry, Leah.” And with that you were out the door, your bag planted firmly on your shoulder.

She briefly considered chasing after you, but realised it was no use, you were already driving off in your BMW (A/N: im a bmw girl, sue me.) and leaving your relationship behind. But why?

She never did figure it out, not even a week later.

She had hardly left the house, much to chagrin of Katie and Beth who had been trying to make plans with her for the past 3 days. None of them knew, it’s not like Leah could tell them without there being a massive row, especially since Beth no matter how well she knew you from national teams, would always back Leah. And Katie… Well she bullied you enough on derby days, as you played for the blues of London, and Leah shuddered to think what she’d do to you if she actually had a valid reason to.

Meanwhile you weren’t much better off, having been crying in Sam Kerr’s lap for the past week. Which is where you still were now, Kristie rubbing your knee gently as you laid with your head in Sam’s lap.

“Sweetie, you never actually told us why you and Leah broke up.” Kristie pressed, tilting your head so you’d look at her. You sighed and sniffed, wiping your tears and lifting your head from Sam’s lap.

“There… We posted a picture. Of us at the beach. And it was a hard launch, I guess? She was kissing my cheek in it, all lovey dovey like.” You started, both of them silent showing support and patiently waiting for you to explain.

“And the comments were all just talking about how she could do better. I- I didn’t think much of it, y’know? Just thought it was another bellend on the internet, but then it was all the comments were filled with. I started to believe it.” You shrugged, picking at your nails, leaning forward. The two older women exchanged a worried look over your head.

“Y/N, Leah adored you. She wouldn’t have given you up for the world. And also she could never do better! You’re the best damn player on our team, minus me, and she’s lucky to ever have had you!” Sam insisted, her voice firm, but playful.

You chuckled, shaking your head.

“Maybe.”

Things with Leah were going much less smooth than they were going for you. She hadn’t left the house in days, skipping two training sessions in favour of wracking her brain desperately trying to find out what you meant.

Then it twigged. She found the post, scrolling through the comments.

“Oh, Y/N… You fucking idiot.” She breathed out, pressing her contacts list, finding your name and allowing her thumb to hover over the call button.

*******

A/N: Im evil, i know i know. BUT! p2? 👀

[helen-with-an-a]

MASTERLIST

Hi. I'm Helen-with-an-a (feel free to call me H) and this is my Masterlist.

Requests are always welcome 🩷🩷

Thank you so much if you request something - I really appreciate anyone who wants me to write an idea for them 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

If you’re unsure if I write for the player but have an idea/request for them - send it in anyway and I’ll respond if I don’t write for them 💕💕

Fluff | Angst | Suggestive | Angst/Comfort | Smut

Any significant triggers have been after the title, but a more in-depth TW list is at the top of the fic itself.

Barça Femeni

I Am An Adult pt1 / pt2 / pt3 / pt3.5 / pt4 / pt5 / pt6 / pt7 / epilogue

I need to be perfect

You Always Have An Excuse pt1 / pt2

First Time Crush pt1 / pt2 / pt3

Black Eyes

Karma’s a Bitch

Numb

Do Better Be Better

Different From Last Time (TW: ED)

Ask For a Sub

Memory (TW: Medical Incident)

Older

Lucy Bronze

Embarrassing Moments

Lost and Found

Clumsy

Small but Mighty

Out of Position

(sister!R) You Hate Me / Healing

Ona Batlle

The Object that Stood in the Way of a World Cup pt1 / pt2 / pt3 / pt4 / pt5 / epilogue

Badger

On Top (18+)

Exposed

Putting on a Show (18+)

Mapí León

Attacked (TW: Homophobia, Injury)

Alexia Putellas

Beautiful Girl Masterlist

Exposed (sister!R)

Memory (TW: Medical Incident) (sister!R)

Last Kiss

Happily Ever After

Arsenal Women

Be The Best pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3

Leah Williamson

Roses

Viv Meidema

Anxiety pt1 / pt2 (TW: Mental Health)

Jessie Fleming

Meet Me at the Rings

With My Girl

Lena Oberdorf

I Am An Adult pt1 / pt2 / pt3 / pt3.5 / pt4 / pt5 / pt6 / pt7 / epilogue

Something about finals pt1 / pt2

Hopeless Romantic

Hatred

Christmas Eve sneak peek (18+)

First Time (18+)

Not Fair

Alessia Russo

Last Kiss

Body Heat

Niamh Charles

Snapshots

Aitana Bonmatí

Heat

Patri Guijarro

Older

If you are looking for some more stuff to read, here are some woso writers that I recommend

Below the cut:

Some info about me

Release schedule

Info about me:

Hi, hi, beautiful reader. I'm Helen-with-an-a. I'm a Brit based in South East England, and I am a fan of Arsenal (although I am also a big fan of Barcelona and Bayern Munich) and of course, I support the Lionesses at the international level (but I try to watch the Spanish or German games if I can). I will write for pretty much anyone from those teams (with a few exceptions and some add-ons, too)

On a personal note, I am in my early twenties and have just finished my Masters, and I'm back home with my parents (such fun) as I enter the adult world of working.

I am "out" to my uni friends and people that I've met on here, but not anyone else. (e.g., parents or old school friends). I'm not hiding it; I just haven't felt the need to come out (and I was somewhat forced out by an old flatmate during undergrad, so that's kinda scarred me). I am perpetually single, but I don't really mind, I'm very happy with my life as it is, so hey ho.

If anyone has some more questions about me, I'd love to get to know people on here.

I hope you enjoy my little corner of the internet :)

Release schedule:

Fic will be out once a week (Fridays, 9.30pm GMT) as often as possible - this might slow down/be subject to change depending on my work schedule and workload. I am trying to create a bit of a buffer zone so that when I inevitably slow down my writing, I still have stuff to post for anyone who wants to read it. I have put in brackets if the publication date changes from a Friday (most of them are holiday specific changes but some might not be).

I am so sorry if you requested something a while ago and it’s taken months to come out. I received a bunch of requests at the same time, and I am trying to limit myself to one post a week (with a few exceptions).

[samkerrworshipper]

scars and all

leah williamson x reader

warnings: alluding to previous suicide attempt and depression

Waking up next to somebody was to you, the best feeling in the world.

The feeling of fresh sheets, the warmth of sun peaking out behind the blinds, skin against skin, the scent of another persons body, the memories of the night beforehand.

You flipped over onto your stomach to reach for your phone, 7am, you still had a few more hours before you had to be anywhere.

You were about to roll over, when you felt the rustling of the sheets behind you, then a arm wrapping around your waist.

“Come back.”

You rolled your eyes at the neediness of Leah and her insistence to have you as her personal heater inside of her bed.

She clawed her way on top of you, her body making it’s way into the grooves of yours.

“What’s the time?”

This was your favourite part of the day, getting to simply co-exist with Leah, without any expectations of what you were supposed to be doing.

“Five past seven.”

Leah’s body relaxed on top of your own, leaving you to melt into the mattress.

Leah’s lips on your shoulder was purely magical, it made all of the warmth and joy set in properly.

“I just want to stay here forever.”

You shared Leah’s sentiment, there was nothing you wanted more in the world then to just stay right here, right in this moment, for the rest of your life.

“Technically we could, quit football and spend the rest of our lives in bed.”

Of course you realistically couldn’t, but manifestation existed for a reason, right?

“I like how you think baby.”

The feeling of Leah’s breath against the nape of your neck, warm and magnificently ticklish was perfect, it encapsulated everything good about your life.

Leah’s lips against your neck sealed it all up.

Her lips trailed along your neck, her hips slightly dragging into the back of your thighs as she began to move her lips upwards and around to the left side of your neck, creeping her way up diagonally. It was torturously slow, something that you liked about these kinds of mornings, there was no rush. The both of you could take as long as time allowed.

Leah’s lips were delicate, practised in the art of working against your skin from months of life looking just like this.

Making the decision to move in together after 6 months dating was a big jump, but with your lease coming to an end and the annoyance of packing bags for days spent at eachothers houses, it just made sense.

It was moments like these that made it all worth it.

You were at Leah’s mercy as she worked her lips higher and higher, slowly getting closer to your ear, until it stopped.

Leah’s lips completely removed themselves from your neck, leaving you strung out in a way you were less than pleased about.

You tried to roll over, but Leah’s hands on your back stopped you.

You were about to ask what was the cause of her abrupt stop, but a hand hovering behind your ear stopped you from saying anything.

Leah’s hand was tracing, tracing the ridges and lines of the piece of ink that you had nestled directly behind your ear cartilage.

Your breath caught, realising what exactly had caused Leah to stop.

The floaty morning daze was gone as quickly as all of the blood rushing from your face.

All the oxygen in your lungs had been ripped away, and suddenly you felt so violently sick to your stomach.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo back here.”

Leah sounds just as out of breath as you feel.

“I have lots of tattoos, le.”

You finally managed to pluck up the strength to flip yourself over, if not to hide the part of you back away then for the sake of being able to rush to the toilet bowl if the sickness in your stomach started to rise up your throat.

Leah’s brows were wrinkled deep into her forehead in the way that they always were when she was deep in thought.

“It’s a semi-colon.”

There were tears in the corners of both of your eyes, not that either of you would ever acknowledge it.

“It’s just a tattoo.”

You felt like you were being strangled by this whole situation.

Leah had seen you in a deeper way then anybody else had, but you weren’t ready for this kind of deep. It felt like you were being stripped open in front of her, and sure, in a literal sense you were naked before her, but it felt so much more exposing then that. Like you could be fully clothed, and yet this situation would still feel more confronting than anything you’d ever experienced.

“No it’s not.”

You loved leah, but she could be blunt to a fault at certain times, and you knew this would be one of those times.

“I don’t want to talk about it Leah.”

Before you could really think about it, you were shoving the rest of her off of you, clambering out of the bed and trying to piece together the clothes on the floor that belonged to you on the way to the bathroom.

Unsurprisingly, Leah followed you.

You made it to the sink, just as she crossed into the ensuite behind you.

Leah’s t-shirt was hanging off of your shoulders, she wasn’t much taller than you, but the few inches made her already over-sized top seem like a dress on you.

“Does Kyra know?”

You reached for your toothbrush.

“About the tattoo, no. About the context, somewhat.”

You reached for the toothpaste but Leah’s hand on your wrist stopped you.

“What’s the context?”

The pressure in your stomach and chest only escalated.

“Not something I feel like talking about.”

You tried to turn away but Leah held you still.

“I feel like we do need to talk about it, people don’t get semi-colon tattoos, for fun, it’s-it’s got a meaning and you’re not denying that.”

You did your best to not run away, how you always did when this happened. You tried to bring your therapists voice to the front of your mind, telling you to take deep breaths.

“Leah, I’ve said that I don’t want to talk about it, it’s none of your business.”

In leah’s defence, you knew that you were being unfair. She;d just been handed a bomb, and had no idea what to do with it.

You tried to turn around for the third time, but Leah’s hand stopped you again. You were ready to yell at her, but the softening of her facial expressions stopped you.

“You’re okay though, right now, you’re okay, right?”

Another deep breath, a squeeze of Leah’s hand.

“A part from the fact that I have shocking morning breath, yes Leah, I’m okay, I’m good, I’m happy. I’m in a good place with you, but I’m not in a place to talk about it right now, okay?”

Leah bit down on the inside of her cheek, but nodded at you, the dopey smile from earlier returning to her face.

“How about we make the most of our free time then?”

There she was, the same Leah back, all of the pressure and sickness finally lifted and you could feel the smile returning to your face.

“Can I brush my teeth before you try and jump back into my pants?”

Leah’s hand on your hips, backing you up toward the shower told you your answer.

“I love your morning breath so much though.”

Her hands were already tugging at the shirt that you’d only just put on.

“That’s a lie, and I really don’t like yours.”

She feigned a pout, but didn’t stop her campaign towards the shower.

“Too bad.”

—————————————————————

Leah surprisingly dropped the subject completely, something that didn’t sit completely right with you, considering just how well your girlfriend was known for being the biggest micro-manager known to man.

It was every bit of a normal night for the two of you, cuddled up on the couch, Leah working on her sudoku app and you scrolling mindlessly through your phone when a memory popped up.

As soon as the picture pulled itself up on your screen your whole body went rigid.

It was a pixely picture, from so many years ago that you couldn’t count, but the theme and overall contents of the photo was easy to figure out.

The same way you had a few weeks ago, you felt all of the blood draining from your face, rushing through your ears, and all of the oxygen leaving your lungs.

It was from so many years ago, you’d almost forgotten about it.

Almost.

You did a double take as you took it in, hardly even knowing that this picture existed on your phone.

Leah clocked onto your stone like body, peering over your shoulder to look at whatever it was that had put you so on edge.

She had expected some kind of weird rumour, or picture, or slander.

Not that.

You tried to think back to that point in your life, but not much came up, your late teen years were such a blur, you hardly remembered any of it, and yet there was a photo in front of you that told you so much more than any memory could.

You couldn’t have been any younger than 16, most likely 17.

The photo was of you, sitting in a ER room that you couldn’t pin down the location of, your stick like arms bandaged so tight that it was hard to tell where the bandages stopped and your skin started.

God you looked so much younger than somebody at 17 should, so small, so scared, so much more broken.

“Is that you?”

Leah’s voice distracted you from your spiral, pulling you back to reality.

“Yeah.”

You felt so deflated, and your voice sounded the same.

It was funny, after spending years of your life trying to push these demons away, that they were still haunting you, in the weirdest ways.

“God you look so young.”

Leah’s head resting on your shoulder was both stressful and calming.

On one hand, you were terrified about Leah seeing something like this, considering how hard you’d tried to hide these kinds of parts of your past from her.

On another hand, you were kind of glad the hiding was over.

“I think I’m 17, maybe 16 in this, just before I moved in with Kyra.”

Just after your whole childhood went to shit.

“You look so much younger.”

Leah knew a lot about your past, that you moved in with Kyra because of your abusive fuckhead parents. She’d been with you for anxiety attacks, depressive episodes, she’d seen a lot.

But not this.

Not this part of you that you’d tried to hide so desperately.

“Yeah I was pretty depressed then. I was couch surfing at friends houses, whilst trying to play professional football and do school. It all got too much, and I didn’t really want to be alive anymore.”

It took so much energy to say those final few words, to admit it.

You knew it, you’d lived through it, but it didn’t make it any easier to say it out loud, especially considering how long it had been.

You could feel Leah taking deep breaths, like she was trying to hold something back.

“I think Kyra took it, to send to my parents as a fuck you kind of thing. She was so mad, especially because it had gotten so bad. I think I spent a week in a in-patient, and by the time I was out I was moved in with her and her parents.”

Leah nodded into your shoulder.

“I didn’t even know I had it, I didn’t even know this picture existed. I don’t know how I feel about it.”

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

“That’s okay, it’s okay to not want to think about parts of your past, especially if you feel like you’ve moved on from them.”

Leah was saying all of the right things, it was like a reset button for your brain.

“I have moved on, i’m doing so much better, i just wasn’t prepared to be thinking about this.”

You turned yourself around, looking at Leah, eye to eye.

“It’s okay, take some deep breaths. You’re not there anymore, you’re here, you’re safe, nobody is going to hurt you, I’d kill your parents before they ever hurt you again. I love you baby, scars and all, all of the your past, I love it and you.”

You nodded at her, you didn’t doubt that she was being honest, especially with the fire in her eyes.

“I don’t want that part of me anymore.”

Leah nodded, her hands sitting in your lap, on top of your own.

“I know, it’s okay to feel that way. We all have bygones from our past that we want to throw underneath our bed and leave in the darkness forever. What matters it that you’re okay now, not back then, now, in this moment. You’re better, you are happy now, you’re happy here, we’re happy, that’s all that matters. You’re home.”

You nodded, collapsing forward into Leah’s chest.

“I’m happy here.”

Leah arms wrapped around your waist.

“We’re happy here, we’re okay, you’re alive and I’m so grateful for it, everyone is, you make my world a better place baby, and that’s all that matters.”