#ldr struggles

[fluoxetinegreen444]

Me n who?

[bloggingboutburgers]

What are some LDR green flags and some LDR red flags? (bonus points if there's some ace specific ones)

Sorry I took forever to answer that one TwT

I mostly saw a lot of green flags in my own LDR, so it was hard to find red flags at all hehe TwT So I had to talk it over with my partner to get their side too...

In terms of green flags, like I said, I've experienced a lot, but I would say a surefire one is vibing for the same activities to do (either remotely or during the times you can meet in person), and of course, it might sound silly, but just the sheer realization that meeting in person doesn't feel weird, that it just feels either as good or even better than speaking remotely. It speaks volumes. (Ace-wise, personally, I would say few things can beat the feeling of being with that person physically, maybe cuddling and whatnot, and being like "...Ah, wow, I feel really safe with them." It's an ugly reality of at least my own ace experience but I have basic fears of being even the slightest form of physically intimate with most people for a long while; I used not to but then I realized that some people will want that to lead to more, and while that's never put me in danger, it definitely was a cold shower to remember. So... Yeah. Feeling safe is wow.)

Some points that my partner and I would advise to be mindful of, so it doesn't turn into a red flag, would be the following:

Be transparent of when the other person is available/up to talk/etc, and be transparent if YOU're not available or not feeling it today, otherwise it can lead to worries.

Don���t cut the line of communication in the event of an argument. It can be tempting, using a remote speaking service, to just hang up if things escalate, but it won't solve anything. Taking a break is fine, but it's important to basically take the argument to a calmer conclusion, and work out dynamics to calm things down and feel better, not let resentment or stress simmer on forever.

On a similar line, don't bottle up if you feel bad. If the person can't see you, or at least not as often, it might be harder for them to pick up on signals of you don't being as well, so it's important to mention if needed.

Getting your parents and friends to respect your relationship and the time you devote to it. Now that one was tough for my partner and I because we weren't out to our families for quite a while, to preserve ourselves, but that also meant basically that, externally speaking, our families just saw us as texting someone a lot or videochatting a lot, which the less open-minded people will associate with not having a life. It's important to advocate that it's important, even to yourself, if nobody else will do it. And that's definitely a tricky one that you might need to fight for.

Overall basically always communicate and have a genuine want to work on things. LDRs are work, but they're definitely worth it if they make you happy.

[ournightlycalls]

i want to tell him I’m falling in love with him but it’s so weird because i feel like this is something I should say in person but i don’t have that privilege :(

[thecinnamongirlll]

[romanwrote]

i underestimated how long the days would feel without them

[notkawaiii]

Do I love what I do

Even more than I love you? I might

When you're sick and hurting

And when you're celebrating your night

I'm an ocean away

I'm a time zone and two plane flights

Do I love what I do

Even more than I love you? I might

Will you sacrifice for me if I don't sacrifice for you?

I won't be the one to let you go

But I'm not giving you anything to hold on to

I miss you and I'm sorry you've become my number two

But will you sacrifice for me if I won't sacrifice for you?

Stick it out with me

I'm not leaving you behind

I know you're busy

I know you also have a life

It's a pity that I don't like your city

And you don't like mine

Stick it out with me

I'm not leaving you behind

Will you sacrifice for me if I don’t sacrifice for you?

[fluoxetinegreen444]

why do we all live the same lives?

[itwillbeourswansong]

✨️

Think I'll miss you forever

Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

Later's better than never

Even if you're gone, I'm gonna drive drive, drive...

Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey

[bloggingboutburgers]

Do you think there's certain 'milestones' in an LDR you should reach before visiting them? Is there a too soon? Most people it seems like it's 5-10 years before they meet in person... and I don't want to wait that long but I don't want to rush anything.

I don't think there ought to be rules for any relationship tbh, aside from what works personally for the people involved! If we all had to do the same thing as people around us, then LDRs probably wouldn't even be a thing to begin with...

I'd say it comes down to personal preference and what your circumstances allow. While some people probably do prefer to wait several years, some people also can't meet in person right away because, say, traveling is expensive and they need to save for it, or because governments decided to implement travel bans/visa difficulties that prevent them from actually seeing each other, or other such things.

For my partner and I, we met up a bit over 6 months after starting our queerplatonic relationship, and after about 2 years of actually knowing each other. And while that did lead to surprised reactions amongst some people we knew, meeting up only cemented how much we vibed together, so it definitely didn't feel like a "too soon"! ('F'course after that we couldn't meet up again for over 3 years because I was saving money for planes and my partner was a student and then jobseeking, and just when we were ready the US travel ban of early 2020 to late 2021 hit, but yeah. Like I said. Circumstances.)

Anyway GOD I keep writing overly long replies, but tl;dr I don't think there's a "too soon", OR a "too late"! If you both feel like meeting up and are materially able to do so, then personally I don't think there's a wrong moment.

[ournightlycalls]

haven’t posted on here in a while because I been too busy living the best relationship I’ve been in but we are still long distance and he just left from visiting me after 6 months of not seeing each other :( it was super sad and we both cried BUT we finally have plans of living together and he’s hopefully coming back in November for that. I miss him and i love him so much.

[mozzarella143]

[vixensofdeath]

“I love you, but you don’t understand me”

[thecinnamongirlll]

i want someone to hug me and tell me everything is gonna be alright even tho i know it won't

[black-swan-ldr]

𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒊𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒙?

(𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒍𝒆)

[traff1csstuff]

Self indulgent ld&r doodle because I was bored in class

[tiredsadpeach]

Uh oh!!! Here comes the part where I think my bf will hate me once he learns x thing about me!!!!