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justagalwhowrites · 9 months ago

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Stitches: Part of For You - A Collection of Requests Benefitting Palestine

Joel comes into the clinic after getting hurt on the job. A non-canon one shot set in the Lavender universe.

^Gif not representative of reader's appearance, just here for the vibes.

Event Terms: Commissioners could choose to donate between $15 and $50 via Ko-Fi for one fic of 1-2k words to be written by April 1, 2024. Payment due after completion of the fic. Donation with a match by the author to be paid to PCRF on April 2, 2024 in honor of Pedro Pascal's birthday ❤️ Commissioners had the option to choose to keep a fic private and all fics may not be shared here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender, QZ era

Warnings: Brief description of injury. Angst. Smut (P in V sex). No use of Y/N, Minors DNI 18+ only.

Length: 4k

A/N: Sooooo this one got a little away from me (shocking, I know.) I can't promise all of this collection will be this long but apparently I really missed Joel and Doc. Written for @suzmagine after she requested QZ era Joel and Doc with angst and smut :)

For You Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Sunday, September 20, 2015

“I’ve got one more for you,” Marta hovered outside the patient room, a file folder in her hands.

You groaned.

“Another one?” You asked. “Shouldn’t we be done for the day by now? Shouldn’t we have been done for the day an hour ago?”

“I’m not any happier about this than you are,” she replied. “I’m the one who’s been pulling double duty all day because Andrew’s out…”

“And I’m the one who’s had twice the patient load because the entire QZ has the flu,” you sighed before you pinched the bridge of your nose. This wasn’t helping either of you. “Alright, just… Please tell me this is the last one.”

“Last one,” she said. “Doors are locked.”

“Speakeasy after this?” You asked, opening the folder.

“I would but Brian and I are going to a friend’s place tonight,” she smiled, almost sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” you sighed. “I just need to get a life….” You glanced down at the intake notes. Just stitches and antibiotics, on order from FEDRA. “This looks basic, why don’t you head on out. I can finish up here.”

“Really?” She asked. You just nodded and she squealed a little. “Thank you so much!”

You tried to not be jealous of the fact that she had a life to go home to. In all reality, you shouldn’t be upset about staying late at work. It’s not like you had anything else going on. Once Tommy left the QZ and Andrew and Jess started spending more time just the two of them while she was down for the count because of her pregnancy, you pretty much spent your time not at work at home, doing a lot of nothing.

“I need a hobby,” you muttered to yourself before making your way down to the exam room where your last patient was waiting for you.

You knocked once on the door and gave the patient a moment to answer before you opened it, reviewing the intake notes as you did.

“Hi there,” you said, looking up from the file. “I’m….”

Your voice trailed off. Joel was sitting there, perched on the end of the exam table, his eyes ranging over you.

“Don’t think you need to introduce yourself, Kid,” he said, giving you a wry half smile.

You looked back at the file. In the name field was just J.M. - FEDRA. You frowned and looked back at him.

“FEDRA sent you in?” You set the file down on the counter before going to wash your hands. “Why, did you pick a fight with a guard?”

“No,” he quirked his jaw. “Just some equipment on sewer duty.”

“Lucky you,” you said, pulling your chair up beside the table. You sat down, closer to him than you’d been since you’d been almost blown up before Tommy left the QZ. “Well, I’m sure you’d rather see anybody else but I’m afraid there’s something going around and I’m the only doctor who’s here right now. Since you’re here on FEDRA orders, I can’t really let you leave and come back another time…”

“S’fine,” he cut you off. “It’s not… I don’t mind. That it’s you, I mean.”

“Oh,” you said, a little taken aback. You tried to hide it as you pulled on your gloves. “Well that’s… good. Why don’t take off your shirt, looks like the injury is on your stomach?”

“Yeah,” he said, unbuttoning his top. “They put a bandage on me there but said I’d need stitches and shit to keep it from gettin’ infected.”

“Yeah, I feel like dying from an infection that doesn’t turn people into monsters in this day and age is a bit of a raw deal.”

Joel snorted and shrugged out of the shirt. You saw a bandage, stained with blood, near his belly button. You winced a little, even though you’d seen so much of Joel’s blood at this point you thought you should be used to it. But it never got any easier, knowing he was putting himself at risk, knowing he was in pain.

Blood was a good distraction, though, when you thought about it. Joel without his shirt had always been a weak spot for you. Blood was one way to keep you from focusing on things you shouldn’t. Like the fact that his chest was broad and firm and you knew just what it would be to rest your head against him there and listen to the steady thrum of his heart as you fell asleep.

“I’m going to remove the bandage, OK?” You said, looking up at him through your eyelashes. You watched the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed. He just gave you a single nod and you pulled down the bundle of gauze and tape to expose a jagged cut that dipped into the muscle of his abdomen. You hissed a little in sympathetic pain. “What’d you do, Joel?”

“Had to jump to dodge an out of control truck,” he said. “Ended up landin’ on something sharp. Hurt like a bitch but… had worse.”

“Had worse is a damn low bar for you,” you said, gingerly examining the wound. “Good news is, this is even cleaner than I expected. Actually, you’re cleaner than I expected, you don’t smell like you were on sewer duty.”

“Yeah, well, figured patchin’ me up wouldn’t do much if I was covered in shit,” he said, voice beaten down by the misery that was QZ life. It was a tone you knew well. “Showered before I came.”

You nodded slowly.

“I’ll numb you up and get this all closed,” you said, sitting back from him. “Go ahead and lie back for me while I get set up.”

You gathered what you needed and came back to find Joel flat on the table, his hands folded over the base of his chest. The cracked face of the watch glinted in the florescent light and you tried not to think about how his arms looked bare. You hadn’t seen his arms bare in so long.

You cleared your throat and pulled the chair back up alongside him and changed gloves.

“Small poke,” you said as you injected the local anesthetic. He grunted but stayed still. You gave it a few minutes to kick in before you gently prodded the wound. “Feel that?”

“No,” he said.

You nodded and set to work, flushing out the wound and aligning his damaged skin to stitch it closed.

“So,” you said after the silence was heavy in the room. “How’ve you been since Tommy left?”

His body tensed a little.

“Fine,” he said gruffly. “Just a bit quiet around the apartment.”

You nodded slowly, focusing on your stitching.

“I hope you’re not just sitting in there all alone,” you said, half teasing half serious. “Even you need social contact now and then.”

“M’fine.”

There was something in his tone that made you feel like he was not, in fact, fine. As much as you tried to forget, you carried so much of the intimacies of Joel Miller within you. How he looked when his face was relaxed in sleep, how he felt when he held you like you were the only thing he had left in the world, how he sounded when he was in pain. He sounded that way now.

“Are you?” You asked, lifting your eyes from his stomach to look up his body to his face. His head was raised just enough to look back at you.

“Not your damn business what I am or what I’m not,” he snapped, lowering his head back to the exam table. “Leave it.”

“I’m just…” you paused as you finished the last stitch. “I worry about you sometimes is all. I know you don’t have a lot of people, Joel, and…”

“I’m not your fuckin’ problem,” he bit out, sitting up so fast that you shocked back from him. “I don’t need you pokin’ around my life and fuckin’ it up anymore than you already have so just leave it, alright!”

“Alright,” you said quietly, tears pinching at the back of your throat.

“You done sewin’ me shut?” He snapped. You nodded, still trying to resist the urge to cry. “Good.”

He snatched his shirt up and stalked out of the room, not even stopping to put it on.

You took a deep, shaky breath, staring at the place where Joel had just been. You tried not to think about how, for just a few minutes, there had been a quiet intimacy there like there had been with him before. How he felt comfortable and safe beside you, where you could run your fingers over his skin and see where his hair was starting to gray.

You gave yourself a few minutes to calm down before you started cleaning up, trying to focus on getting home so you could curl up in a ball in your bed where you were warm and safe, even if you were alone. You were starting to clear the tray of tools when you realized the syringe of penicillin was still there, shiny and full.

You’d never given him the antibiotics.

“Shit,” you muttered, voice wet.

You set it aside and finished cleaning up before grabbing a bottle of pain killers and an oral course of antibiotics and setting out to Joel’s place.

He answered quickly, all but ripping the door open and looking surprised to find you there when he did.

“What do you want,” he snapped.

“You still need antibiotics,” you said quietly, fighting to not flinch back from him. You held up the small bag with the syringe, bandages and pills inside. “You left before I could give them to you.”

He quirked his jaw but stepped aside, opening the door wide enough for you to come in. You set the bag down on the table and started taking off your coat.

“Didn’t say you could fuckin’ stay,” Joel said, voice still sharp.

“I figured you’d want me having full range of motion with my arms when I’m sticking you with a needle,” you said harshly before closing your eyes for a moment, forcing yourself to calm down. “I need to get at the wound again so… shirt off.”

He ground his teeth but obeyed, pulling the shirt off. You sat down at the table and got the syringe ready and he stood beside you there and you had the strangest urge to kiss his stomach. You pressed your lips together instead.

“If you didn’t run off this would probably hurt less,” you said. “But the anesthetic might be wearing off already so… small pinch.”

You pressed the syringe into his skin and pushed down on the plunger. He flinched once and that was it.

“Just going to bandage you up,” you said, not waiting for a response.

“Why’d you come here,” Joel asked as you taped the bandage over his damaged skin. You looked up at him, frowning. His eyes were on yours, deep and warm and chocolate brown.

“You needed…”

“Don’t give me that,” he cut you off. “You could have fuckin’ left it, told you enough times that I don’t want shit to do with you now so why are you really here? Not like FEDRA was gonna come and check and make sure I was on their ordered drugs so what is it?”

“Do you really think I’d just let something happen to you?” You asked quietly. “You might not care if I live or die anymore but I care about you. I’m always going to care about you.”

You didn’t wait for.a response. You looked back to his stomach and finished taping the bandage in place before taking the pills out and setting them on table before getting up and pulling your jacket back on.

“Instructions are on the bottles,” you said. “Take all the antibiotics, every last one, I don’t care if you’re feeling well and your cut is magically healed, still take them. Change out the bandages every 24 hours for the first few days, come by the clinic if there’s a lot of blood or discomfort. Pain medication as needed. I’m sure you’ll just sell whatever’s left…”

You grabbed the now empty bag off the table and turned to go to the door but Joel’s hand closed around your wrist, pulling you back around. You frowned, looking at where he was touching you before looking back to him.

“Joel…”

“You really think I don’t care about you?” He asked, voice heated. “You really think I don’t give a shit? Hm?”

You shrank back from him as much as you could while he held you in place, his grip on you tight.

“Joel…” you said again but he cut you off.

“You think I don’t care if you live or die?” It took you a moment to realize that he didn’t sound angry. He sounded… hurt? Offended? Both? “Jesus…”

“You’re hurting me, Joel.”

He scowled but dropped your wrist.

“After everything I’ve done,” he snapped. “After everything we’ve been through, you think I don’t fuckin’ care?”

“Why would I think you care?” You tried to sound mad but you just sounded hurt, your voice quivering. “All you’ve done for years now is tell me how I hurt you, how you wish you’d never met me, how you don’t want to see me again! Even when you’ve done something that you say is for me or because of me you act like your obligated to me in some way but you’re not and I wish you’d just leave me alone! I can’t keep doing this with you, I’m so tired of being your burden, Joel!”

You tried to turn to go but his hands were on you again but on your shoulders this time, his fingers digging into your flesh there. His eyes searched yours for half a moment before he pulled you sharply to him, his hands flying from your shoulders to your face to tilt your head to just the right angle, gripping you tight and desperate, before his lips crashed into your own.

It took you a second to fully understand what was happening but your body responded before your mind. It might have been years since you last kissed Joel but your lips knew his. They conformed to his like the familiar ground they were, giving to the hot press of him as he licked into your mouth.

You moaned and wrapped your arms around his waist, forgetting, for a moment, that he was injured. He hissed in pain and you tried to pull back but his grip on you grew tighter, fingertips pressing into your skull. Your body curved against his and you were suddenly acutely aware that he was shirtless, that you could feel his skin on yours if you could just take your own shirt off, too.

His hold on you eventually loosened and he pulled back from you, the brown of his iris almost entirely swallowed by his pupil now as he panted for breath. His thumbs traced the arch of your cheekbones.

“I care,” he said, voice hungry and low. “I care more about you than about any other person left on this godforsaken planet…”

“Joel…” you were breathless, heat and tension pooling at your core.

“And I’m tired of tryin’ to stay away from you.”

He pulled you back against him, gently that time. His lips were soft on yours, his tongue tracing the seam of you until you opened for him. You could properly taste him now, the mint of his toothpaste and the bitter tang of liquor and the familiar flavor of his skin. You drank it up, needing it like water. His hands left your face, sliding down your body to your waist. He pulled at your shirt, separating from you just enough to pull it up and over your head, taking a moment to look down at your body, an expression of almost reverence on his face as he panted for breath.

Joel tugged you toward him again, his mouth quickly finding yours, as he unhooked your bra. He slid that off your body, too, and cradled you to him.

You moaned into his mouth, you couldn’t help it, as your arms went around his neck. His skin was everywhere, so soft and so warm and just like you remembered. He felt so good against you, like home, and the ache of missing him flared to life inside your chest, sharp and cruel.

Part of you knew you should put a stop to this now, before it went any further. He was only going to push you away again, just like he had after Boston. It was only going to hollow you out and leave you feeling more desperately alone than ever.

But you couldn’t resist him. You’d missed him too much over the years, he was too much a part of you to ever dream of pushing him away. You needed this. You needed him.

You let him guide you toward the couch, his fingers prying at the button of your jeans before pushing those and your underwear down your body, too. You stepped out of them and your shoes together before Joel gently lowered you, completely bared to him, to the rough, aging fabric of the couch. You watched as he stood over you, your eyes wide, as he opened his own pants, freeing his cock and swiping his thumb over his leaking tip before stroking himself in long, slow strokes.

“Tell me you want this,” his voice trembled. “We can stop right now…”

“I need you,” you cut him off with a needy whisper. “Please.”

He didn’t need any more prompting. He shoved his pants and underwear down before he nudged your legs apart and settled between them. He gripped the root of his thick, heavy cock and trailed his tip over your leaking slit, moaning as he did.

“Missed this wet little pussy,” he notched his head at your entrance before thrusting halfway inside you with a short, sharp stroke. You gasped at the stretch of him, your back arching and fingers scrambling at the tattered upholstery. “Fuck, still so fuckin’ tight. Gotta be fuckin’ dripping for me or I’d never get inside you…”

He pulled back just a little, his thumb finding your clit and pressing into you there, working you in a slow circle. He thrust back into you, a little further this time.

“You get this soft and hot and wet for anyone else?” He asked, a possessive edge to his voice as his eyes ranged over your naked body. “Or you save that just for me?”

“Just for you,” you didn’t care that you sounded desperate and pathetic. You just needed him inside of you, filling you totally. “It’s all for you, I’ve always been all for you.”

“You all mine, Baby?” He asked, pulling back and thrusting deeper. “This little pussy all mine?”

“Yes,” you rocked your hips up against him but he pressed down on you, holding you in place and making you whimper. “Fuck, please…”

“How about the rest of you?” He asked, his hand leaving your clit as he lowered himself onto you. His skin was on yours, the plush swell of his stomach against you, his chest tight to your own. His hand came up to brush your hair back and cradle the crown of your head, his thumb tracing over you there. His eyes searched yours and, for the first time in years, you saw the Joel you’d fallen in love with so long ago. The quiet strength of him, the gentle care, the fierce love, the raw and aching whole of him there with nothing holding him back. “Want all of you, want that so much more than your perfect fuckin’ pussy…”

“Joel…”

“Say you’re mine,” he thrust deeper and you keened at the feel of him inside you, so close to having all of him within you where you’d known he belonged from the first time you’d taken him into yourself. “Tell me I’m not gonna lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” you breathed. “I promise, you can’t lose me.”

He pulled back a little and you whimpered at the loss.

“Say you’ll let me protect you,” he thrust in, almost to the root this time, and held himself there. Your channel tightened around him.

“Joel,” you were having a hard time remembering how to say anything but his name, that single word the most vital one you’d ever known. “Please…”

“Tell me,” he ground himself against you, his skin on your clit, his cock pressing into your most sensitive places. “Let me take care of you, protect you. Say it.”

“You can protect me,” your hands found their way to his shoulders, nails digging into his skin there. “You can take care of me, I promise…”

“Let me love you,” he pulled back again but it was his words and not how he was moving inside you that made you gasp. “Say it. Tell me I can love you, that it’s safe to love you.”

You reached up and gently traced his hairline before threading your fingers through his curls, your eyes on his.

“I haven’t been the one stopping you from loving me,” you whispered.

“I never stopped,” he rocked himself part way into you again before pulling back. “Always loved you, always. But I need it to be safe, I can’t love you without it destroyin’ me if it’s not. Please, baby. Tell me. Tell me I can love you.”

“You can love me, Joel,” you said softly. “It’s safe. I’m safe.”

He kissed you, his mouth claiming yours and he pressed all the way inside you then, making your back arch and legs go tight around his hips. You moaned against his lips as he held himself deep within you for a moment before pulling back again.

It might have been years but your body knew Joel’s. You knew just how to take him and he knew just how to make you come, his hips grinding down into you when he was fully seated inside of your tight channel, making his cock tease your most tender places while his hips worked your clit. He fucked you deep and hard and greedy, like he couldn’t get enough of you, like he wanted to lay claim to all of you.

The tight band of pleasure inside of you wound tighter and tighter until it snapped when he was pressed deep, your walls fluttering over him. He moaned against your lips and fucked you through it, never slowing, never letting up, making it so your orgasm never really subsided. It just rolled into building the next one until he pulled his desperate and needy mouth from yours.

“Not gonna last, Baby,” he ground himself deeper, as if to make his point. “Where -”

“Inside me,” you panted. “I need to feel you, please don’t leave, please, inside me, please…”

He kissed you again, fucking you a little harder and faster, driving the band of pleasure tighter and higher until you felt him press deep and pulse inside you, triggering your next orgasm.

You came with him, your pussy rippling over him as he throbbed, emptying himself into you.

His body went slack for a moment before he propped himself up on his elbows, his eyes returning to their normal color. They looked over your face for a moment before locking onto your own and you had a moment of fear that the walls would go up again. That the cold, disconnected Joel who had taken over since he’d come to the QZ would be back. But his eyes stayed soft and open and warm, his large palm still cradling the top of your head.

“Tell me you meant all that,” you whispered even though you were afraid of what the answer was.

“Oh, Baby.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to your forehead before trailing his nose over your own. “I meant every word. I promise.”

You smiled, looking into Joel’s eyes and realizing that, even though you were still stuck inside the QZ, you were right where you belonged.

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #lavender #smut fic #For You

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vorfreudevortex · 5 months ago

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a portrait of us - nine

a nanami x reader smau

masterlist

warnings: angst lol, slow burn, swearing, a little ooc, a typo or two

notes: 1.6k words and i am only a little sorry

nanami kento had no idea what he what he was doing.

he was not the kind of man who pursued a woman from a relationship that had ended over a decade ago, nor the type to follow one who vanished without a goodbye and hadn’t spoken to him since. in truth, he wasn’t one to chase after any woman at all. his life allowed no time for such foolishness, and he had yet to meet anyone else worthy of that time.

he also wasn’t the type to deviate from his usual schedule and activities. for nanami, saturday evenings were reserved for a leisurely stroll through the park near his apartment, ending in a visit to the grocery store for fresh meat and produce. then, he’d return home to cook himself a hearty dinner, usually indulging in a favorite recipe but sometimes experimenting with a new one.

he’d relish his meal with a glass of expensive, but not too expensive, wine before indulging in a hot bath. his favorite ritual was finishing the bottle with a few chapters of a book while soaking in bath salts and lavender until the water turned cold.

if the book captivated him, he’d continue reading in bed; otherwise, he might watch a nostalgic movie in the living room. saturday nights were his sanctuary, a time to indulge in simple pleasures: fresh air, a home-cooked meal, wine, a book, and a restful night with no morning obligations.

that was absolutely not the case for nanami tonight.

he suspected he might be coming down with something, as he felt unusually off while scrutinizing his freshly trimmed hair in the mirror. this afternoon, he had an impulsive urge to tidy up his undercut and hairline. earlier that morning, he felt strangely compelled to invest in new clothing—a sage green linen blazer and ankle-length slacks, to be precise.

he donned his new outfit, carefully combing through his hair one last time. He wore his usual brown dress shoes, watch, and leather holster over his white shirt, carrying his blunt sword. nanami decided to forgo his beloved spotted necktie, instead folding it neatly into his blazer’s inner pocket, just in case. the outfit felt unfamiliar, and he wondered if the men in fashion magazines felt equally peculiar in such short pants.

nanami was now convinced he had caught a strange cold or flu. why was he wearing sage green? why had he purchased it, knowing he’d likely never wear it again? why was he grabbing a bouquet of sunflowers, your favorite, before locking the door and heading to his car? and although he loved art, why was he preparing to attend a sumptuous gallery opening, filled with wealthy patrons he didn’t want to be around?

as his trembling fingers unlocked the car door, he made a mental note to schedule a doctor’s appointment later in the week.

———

the director placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder as he handed you the microphone. over 250 hands applauded, but their sound was merely a distant murmur. you took a steadying breath as the applause faded and prepared to speak.

“i'd like to thank you all for attending my gallery tonight,” you began. “i never imagined my art would one day be in a museum gallery, and i'm incredibly grateful for this opportunity.”

as the audience applauded again, you searched for satoru, shoko, and the students. you finally spotted them in the middle of the crowd—shoko waved, satoru and yuji gave a thumbs-up, and the other students smiled warmly. you grinned in response, comforted by familiar faces among a sea of strangers.

“i've always gravitated toward modern pieces with bold traits and colors, but i also create works inspired by famous art. i love re-imagining poses, emotions, and other elements from those pieces to capture the redefined aura i perceive from them. i've never settled on a single style, so you’ll notice my art incorporates elements from neoclassicism to impressionism, all on one canvas.”

you silently scanned the audience, gauging their reactions. you noticed the woman from malaysia, with whom you’d spoken with earlier, listening intently with a gentle smile. nearby stood an older gentleman from london, whose questions about your work had left you unsure of his opinion. his bored expression unsettled you, but you took a deep breath and continued.

“um,” you paused. “i want to express my gratitude to all of you, the museum, its patrons, and the director, with a collection of pieces created especially for my first major gallery opening. these have never been seen before and are unlike anything i've ever done. they hold deep personal significance for me…"

you turned to join four staff members, each standing beside an easel draped in black cloth, and positioned yourself next to the largest one in the center. you nodded to them and began unveiling the canvases. gasps and murmurs from the crowd turned to smiles and applause, bringing relief. your eyes met satoru's once more. he stared back, sunglasses in hand, his bright blue eyes piercing into you, mouth hanging open.

the first painting depicted him.

reminiscent of michelangelo's david, your artwork portrayed satoru with rigid, alabaster skin. one hand held a galaxy of stars, while the other formed a circle with his thumb and middle finger connecting. at first glance, the background seemed a deep, black abyss, but closer inspection revealed the painstakingly small, barely perceptible eyes you had meticulously added with matte paint.

this symbolized satoru's unparalleled power in the universe, a singular masterpiece constantly revered yet scrutinized, along with his inability to move and act freely as he wished.

the second painting featured suguru.

inspired by caspar david friedrich's wanderer above the sea of fog, it depicted suguru, his jet-black hair blowing in the wind, standing on a cliff gazing out over a misty landscape of blurred, colorful spheres. it was the dead of night, with no stars, except for a small moon shaped like an eye with a blue iris. unlike the original, your painting allowed the viewer to see suguru beginning to step off the cliff with a relieved smile.

it symbolized suguru's internal struggle with purpose and responsibility, ultimately deciding to take control and let go, as you always knew he would.

the third painting portrayed shoko.

inspired by frida kahlo's the broken column, it depicted shoko with waist-length hair, her face turned skyward, tears streaming down her cheeks. her thin, frail body was torn in half by hands reaching into the frame, revealing her spine replaced by a large surgeon’s scalpel. the background featured a familiar, glowing, traditional japanese door, blurred by smoke.

this represented shock's duty to the jujutsu society, always giving but never taking, until all that remained were her tools and an unrepairable broken body.

the fourth painting was of yu.

you replaced the woman in lawrence alma-tadema's pandora, with the painting ending at the waist. his body was strong and flushed, gazing down at the box with a familiar smile and wide, curious eyes. instead of a floral crown, you encircled his head with a halo of stars, and the background depicted him resting in a serene, lush meadow.

you couldn’t resist creating a more joyful piece for him, symbolizing the grace of his death and much-needed rest while unknowingly wreaking havoc on those near him. only later did you realize the extent of the pain his peace would bring when you first painted the portrait.

the final and largest painting was a portrait you began shortly after leaving japan many years ago and only recently completed. it was inspired by frank bernard dicksee's la belle dame sans merci.

you and nanami.

you sat on a muscular, snowy white horse, anxious and impatient to move on. instead of a pink gown like the original, you wore navy with gold buttons on the chest, torn and splattered with bright crimson blood. your expression held a pained smile, tears streaming down your cheeks.

nanami stood on the ground beside you, one hand clutching your tattered gown, the other ensnared by blades of grass and flowers climbing his wrist and forearm. tears welled in his eyes, but his face remained blank and unreadable. he wore a suit of armor like the knight in the original, but it was dull, dark, and littered with dents, holes, and bloodstains.

this was your most prized work of art, embodying the unspoken goodbye between you and your first love. the anxious horse represented your urge to flee, while the tattered, bloodied gown symbolized the physical and mental toll of jujutsu. your expression showed the relief of leaving and the guilt of doing so. nanami's face masked his betrayal with stoicism, yet tears betrayed him to reveal his grief of losing yet another loved one. the flowers and grass symbolized his responsibilities in tokyo—the lives he needed to protect, the elders to please, and the peers to support.

you looked out at the audience with a bright, confident smile, scanning the patrons’ faces to see if their applause matched their thoughts. you started with satoru, shoko, and the students, all clapping happily, with satoru and shoko waving with flushed cheeks. the bored man from london now appeared intrigued, especially by the painting of suguru.

your eyes skipped over a stiff figure near the back of the audience.

i hadn’t noticed that man here before, you thought.

no.

he’s all too familiar.

your gaze landed on the man with broad shoulders clad in a dusty sage green blazer over a crisp ivory shirt, sandy blonde hair neatly cut and parted. hollow cheeks framed a strong jaw, and soft, coffee-brown eyes bored into yours.

it simply couldn’t be him…

no- it simply couldn’t be anyone else.

nanami kento.

next: part ten

tag list // @bubybubsters @sad-darksoul @corvid007 @kenqki @ikon-teen

#jjk smau #jjk texts #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk kento #kento nanami #kento x reader #nanami fluff #nanami kento #nanami x reader #itadori yuji #yuji itadori #jjk itadori #jjk gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk angst #vorfreudevortex

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coven-of-genesis · 2 years ago

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Herbal tea basics -

Herbal teas can help with a wide range of health issues, depending on the type of tea and the specific properties of the herbs used.

Here are a few examples:

Digestive issues: Ginger, peppermint, and chamomile tea can help soothe an upset stomach, relieve bloating, and aid digestion.

Anxiety & stress: Chamomile, lavender, and lemon balm tea are known for their calming and relaxing properties, and can help reduce feelings of anxiety and stress.

Insomnia: Valerian root, passionflower, and chamomile tea can help promote relaxation and improve sleep quality, making them useful for treating insomnia.

Cold & flu symptoms: Echinacea, elderflower, and ginger tea can help boost the immune system, reduce inflammation, and relieve symptoms of colds and flu.

Menstrual cramps: Ginger and chamomile tea can help relieve menstrual cramps and other symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS).

Headaches: Peppermint and ginger tea can help relieve headaches and migraines, thanks to their anti-inflammatory and pain-relieving properties.

It's important to note that while herbal teas can be helpful for many health issues, they are not a substitute for proper medical care.

If you have a serious health condition or are taking medication, it's always best to talk to your healthcare provider before using herbal teas or other natural remedies.

#herbal teas #herb magick #green witch #grimoire #witchblr #witchcore #witchcraft #witchlife #white witch #beginner witch #witch tips #spirituality #book of shadows

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elisysd · 2 years ago

Note

hi! could i please request some comfort charles? like you’re sick or feeling down and he’s just the best boyfriend ever and helps you through it? thank you so much 🧡

Thank you for your request and sorry for the little delay! Hope you'll like it! Requests are open. I'm not guarantee you to be fast tho 😅

Tissues and Pit stops

You couldn’t be sick for Charles’ home Grand Prix. You just couldn’t be. You did not know how you managed to get the flu right before Monaco’s race but here you were, in bed a box of tissues next to you and medicine to help you get rid of the headache.

You had not said anything to Charles. You did not want him to worry, he did not need that. You were not proud to admit it, but you lied to your boyfriend when he asked you if you would come to the paddock for qualifying. You pretended to have some work to catch up on, but you still would be keeping an eye on the TV and cheering him on from the window. On the other hand, you did not manage to find a good excuse to miss his race. That’s why today you would keep things slow. Bed rest, soup, and medicine and hopefully, you were praying for it, on Sunday you would be fine for the race.

But what you did not plan was for Charles to show up upset at your door after the qualifying session. Ferrari had, once again, found a new way to mess with his home Grand Prix. When you opened the door to let him in, completely caught off guard by his presence, he immediately noticed that something was wrong.

Your flat was a mess which was unusual. You were always so put together, so organised. The opposite to Charles. So, seeing cluttery everywhere and abandoned dirty plates in the sink of the kitchen surprised him to say the least.

“Babe… are you okay?” he asked carefully while looking around.

“Me? Perfectly fine. Never been this good.” You tried to persuade him while trying to suppress a sneeze. “I should ask you the question, I heard about the penalty.”

“Yeah… well it is what it is. I can’t do anything about it. I’ll try to have a good race tomorrow, but I don’t expect anything from it. I just needed to see you and hold you.”

He made a move to take you in his arms, but you skilfully avoided him, pretending to pick up something that was laying on the floor.

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea… you must have so many things to do. Like meetings and people to talk to. I don’t want to stay in your way. And you must be tired. You should sleep it’s important.”

“Y/N are you sure you okay, you are acting weird.” He was starting to worry.

“What do you mean? I’m…me. My usual self.”

“No, you’re not. What are you hiding? Why is your flat a mess?”

“I told you; I caught up with some important paperwork and I just did not have time to clean.”

“I know my girlfriend and I know there is no way she would let her flat be this messy.”

His eyes scanned a room trying to find a clue that could explain his girlfriend’s strange behaviour. And then his gaze landed on the sofa where a used tissue and a stuffed animal he knew well from giving it to you on your first anniversary as a couple were lying around. As he approached, he noticed a heating bottle and a thermometer under a cushion. He did not need more to understand the matter.

“How long have you been sick?” he asked.

“It started this morning… I woke up with fever. That’s why I did not want to see you today… I don’t want you to get whatever I caught. I would feel bad.” You confessed.

“Baby, you will always be one of my biggest priorities. I want you to tell me these kinds of things.”

“I did not want you to worry…”

Without a word he took care of the stuff that was laying around in the living room before washing the dishes. When the flat looked cleaner, he took a blanket from your bedroom as well as your computer and installed them on the sofa and coffee table. He then went into the bathroom to prepare you a hot bath with some lavender in it to help you relax. Without asking for anything in return, he took care of you, washing your hair with your favourite shampoo and massaging your shoulders and back that were aching from the fever.

He then helped you get comfortable and once back in the living room he wrapped you in a big and fluffy blanket before making you both some chamomile tea. He pressed you against his chest while setting up your favourite movie, his hand tracing patterns on your skin and his lips absent-mindedly resting on the top of your head.

“Charles, I appreciate what you did, really but you should not be here. What if you got sick?”

“Then we will be sick together and honestly I don’t mind it.”

And indeed, a few days later, Charles was stuck in bed with the same flu that you had a few days prior. And just like him, you spent the day taking care of him. After all, you both did promise to one another to always stick around when things would get rough. You were each other’s rock, there in the good as well as in the bad moments. Forever and always.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #fiction #writing #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc x female reader #cl16 #cl16 x reader #charles leclerc blurb #f1 x oc #f1 fic #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #charles leclerc fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 x you

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theambitiouswoman · 1 year ago

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Natural Remedies for Common Ailments 🍃

*Natural remedies can be a great option for managing common ailments, but it's important to remember that they may not always be a substitute for professional medical advice and treatment. If you have a serious or persistent health issue, it's important to consult with a doctor. Also, remember that what works for one person may not work for another. Do your independent research, some natural remedies may have interactions with medications or existing medical conditions.*

Cold and Flu:

Honey and Lemon: Mix honey and lemon in warm water to soothe a sore throat and ease congestion.

Ginger Tea: Ginger has anti-inflammatory properties and can help with nausea and congestion.

Echinacea: Some people use Echinacea supplements or tea to boost the immune system.

Headaches:

Peppermint Oil: Apply diluted peppermint oil to your temples for headache relief.

Ginger Tea: Ginger may help reduce the frequency and intensity of headaches.

Indigestion:

Peppermint Tea: Peppermint can help relax the muscles of the gastrointestinal tract.

Chamomile Tea: Chamomile has anti-inflammatory and relaxing properties.

Insomnia:

Valerian Root: Valerian root supplements or tea may promote relaxation and help with sleep.

Lavender Oil: Lavender aromatherapy or a few drops on your pillow can promote relaxation.

Small Burns and Cuts:

Aloe Vera: Apply aloe vera gel to soothe burns and promote healing.

Honey: Honey has antibacterial properties and can be applied to cuts and wounds.

Stress and Anxiety:

Exercise: Regular physical activity can reduce stress and anxiety.

Meditation and Yoga: These practices can help you relax and manage stress.

Lavender or Chamomile Tea: These herbal teas may have a calming effect.

Sore Throat:

Salt Water Gargle: Gargling with warm salt water can relieve a sore throat.

Marshmallow Root Tea: Marshmallow root tea can help soothe throat irritation.

Nausea:

Ginger: Ginger candies, ginger tea, or ginger capsules can help with nausea.

Peppermint: Peppermint tea or candies may also help alleviate nausea.

Constipation:

Fiber-Rich Foods: Eating foods like prunes, bran, and beans can promote regular bowel movements.

Hydration: Staying well-hydrated is essential for preventing constipation.

Acne:

Tea Tree Oil: Applying diluted tea tree oil to acne-prone areas may help reduce breakouts.

Honey and Cinnamon Mask: Mixing honey and cinnamon into a paste and applying it as a mask can be beneficial for some.

#healthy living #health and wellness #health #wellness #healthy lifestyle #supplements #health is wealth

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inkstainedpages · 6 months ago

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‧₊˚✧[𝘈𝘬𝘶𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘸𝘢 𝘙𝘺𝘶𝘶𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘦 𝘹 𝘈𝘍𝘈𝘉 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳]✧˚₊‧

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:

"(Sweet-Cigarettes after sex)"

00:42 ━━━━●───── 04:48

ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ

𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩,

𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦..੭﹕ ̊ ̟ ꒷꒦

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜!!

...this piece of writing includes;

smut, gentle sex, soft aku, afab reader, established relationship, cuming inside, unprotected sex, 2nd person pov, rushed writing, inspired by sweet by cigarettes after sex

Reminder!!

please be careful whenever participating in sexual activities in real life. Especially if you are a minor and/or are unprepared for pregnancy and the other consequences of messing around. Please make sure to use protection unless you are actually ready, this is a work of fiction.

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧

Warm lighting, lavender scented oil in the air purifier, the curtains, windows, and door shut. Yet a few sounds would leak from your room, the sound of something playing on your tv. Accompanied by a strange muffled noise that became a common occurrence whenever he would visit.

It started off as a few harmful check ups under the excuse of awaiting for your recovery so you can get back to working in the mafia. He was just oh so concerned, after all, you are the only person he sees fit to work alongside him.

When you did get better from that nasty flu, the visits came to a halt. For some time. Until he started insisting to walk you home, accompany you on your walk to ensure your safety. He swore it was just for safety measures and that it meant nothing.

Until he started to stay for some time. Then he would randomly show up with all sorts of excuses. If he wasn't your superior, you would have laughed in his face at how cute he looked trying to hide his face with the back of his hand as he turned his head to the side. Though you couldn't help but feel honored, since not everybody is liked by the black fanged hellhound of the port mafia.

One visit, then another, and then another. Until he came over so often you had lost count. It was odd, how intrigued he was by you. How strange it was, when the hellhound of the port mafia would follow you around like a lost puppy.Following you home, declining your offer to come inside, at first. Though you grew persistent over time. Until he couldn't just keep denying.

And with time spent together came with the formation of a bond. A bond that differed from the one sided rivalry from when the two were younger and under the guise of the same executive. That was years ago. This was different. Far different.

Though you couldn't be bothered to think of all that. Not now, when your mind was so foggy, your vision blurry, head spinning. Not when you struggle to keep your eyes open, having to shut them as you lean onto Akutagawa. Who was laying on your bed, underneath your covers, holding you to stay still as you lay on top of him. His hips rolling softly, the sound of your skin slapping together accompanied by the shifting of the sheets and comforters.

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, groaning at the feeling of your walls clenching around him. Taking his cock so well as he thrust into you. He was so gentle that it made you shiver, whimpering into his neck. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, muffling the noises that slipped from your mouth as he kept hitting all those sweet spots that made you see stars.

"𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬- 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵..~"

He whined, pushing deeper into you. The tip of his dick bruising your cervix. Sure, he was gentle and he sure took his time to ease you, but he was hitting so deeply. Making you gasp, biting down on his neck to ground yourself as you felt the knot in your stomach tightening. At this point, you've forgotten of how many orgasms he's made you go through.

He's forgotten about everything else, nothing else crossed his mind but you. He doesn't know why or how you affect him like this so greatly. He prioritizes you, in a way. He can't understand, but he's came to the conclusion that his 'attachment' grew into something more. He should have know he was too deep in when he started to get softer, and be sweet.

Your sweet moans overpowering the volume of your tv as it continued to play the movie you had chosen earlier. You've long forgotten about it, and it wasn't until you felt yet another climax take place that the tv paused the movie and asked;

"are you still watching?"

Of course not. You were too busy riding out your orgasm as he pushed deeper and deeper into you, as deep as he could.Making you shudder and bite down yet again on his neck, leaving a other dark red bruise on his pale skin. He's gonna have to think of how he's gonna cover or hide the hickeys you left on his neck.

Though he couldn't think of that right now. Both of you couldn't think of anything else but each other, and how good it felt. Honestly, at this point, you couldn't think straight and were mindlessly biting and nibbling on his neck. And he wasn't in a better state either. Akutagawa had been whining and mumbling some words you couldn't comprehend, and by the sound of his voice, it seemed pretty emotional.

"..𝘴𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥..𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭.. 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦..𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵-"

He mumbled beneath his breath, tripping over his own words as his breath hitched. Getting caught in his throat as he felt himself close. He was close. And he was way too out of it to even think of pulling out. He just kept thrusting into you, pushing deeply inside. Hell, you didn't catch a word he said. His voice fading, nearly inaudible for you. You were too focused chasing after your own high.

Your eyes snapping wide open when he stilled himself, his thrust coming to a pause when he spilled himself inside of you. Spilling his cum deep inside of you. When he finished, he made sure to give a few more thrust, ensuring it got in deeper. He wouldn't let even a drop of his precious seed go to waste. He just couldn't, not when it took off such a large percent of his energy and time..

Akutagawa huffed when he felt some of the sticky white liquid leak out of your hole. Even while he was still inside of your cunt, it sort of frustrated him in a way. He growled by your ear, he snapped his hips forward. Suddenly giving a harsh thrusting, ramming into you. Shoving his cum deeper inside before slowly dragging his length out of you. Making sure to do it slowly while staring into your hazy, half lidded eyes. As if it was a way to tease you. Though he did smirk when he felt you twitch and clench around him as he pulled out completely.

For a moment, it was silent. Just silently staring at eachother. Until you let out a raspy, low chuckle. Smiling up at him as you raised a brow, your eyes were half lidded and glossy.

"𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥?"

Your voice was hoarse, probably from all the moaning and whining. Akutagawa chuckled as well, nodding his head. His lips tug upward into a small smile, he cleared his throat

"𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥."

#x reader #afab reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd akutagawa #bungo stray dogs akutagawa #akutagawa x reader #akutagawa smut #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa ryunosuke x reader #akutagawa ryunosuke smut #inkstainedpages

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staytinyville · 1 year ago

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Stay Alive (21)

BTS poly!ot7 x Reader

Magical Creatures AU

Series Masterlist

Warnings: None

A/N BETA READ @seoul9711 YALL. My bad for missing an update! I'm visiting family this week so it's been an occupied time for me. However because I've been starting to want to write a lot of other things, I might start changing the updates. Nothing too large. I think I'm going to do Monday's and Thursday updates.

Your day started with you taking care of Namjoon like normal. You had taken to making sure the man had his skin moisturized and taken care of. By the looks of it, it seemed to have been a while since the last time new wounds had formed over his skin which brought you some kind of relief.

As you lightly skimmed over his healing wounds, you sighed. “Joon, you said the company uses your abilities to make the medicine.” You spoke up. “I'm assuming yours has to do with your skin.” You told him.

“My dragon scales are some of the most powerful things known in my world.” Namjoon began. “Much like Yoongi's blood, it can heal just about anything if mixed correctly with other medicinal ingredients.” He looked down, sighing to himself. “HYBE uses them for burn ointment.”

Your hand fell from his back, a sharp gasp falling from your lips. “This is abuse Namjoon!” You cried out. “It's inhumane.”

“Everyone knows that Little one.” He turned around, moving you to stand between his legs. “But we haven't found a way out yet.” He softly told you.

“Then I'll go to the police.” You shook your head, sniffling as your nose began to get stuffed. Your fingers moved up to his shoulders, lightly touching his skin.

“That involves gathering evidence.” Namjoon told you. “That's too dangerous.”

He pulled you into his arms, hugging you to his chest. You fell over into his lap, pressing your cheek to his chest. “Just please, leave it to us and we'll figure it out.”

“I want to help you, Joon.” You softly pouted.

“I know you do.” Namjoon placed his head atop yours, rubbing his hand up and down your arm. You could feel him start to warm up, causing you to shift closer to the warmth. “And that means more to me than you'll ever know.”

As his body brought a soothing feeling down your spine, you began to think about the others and what they must suffer from. You weren’t in charge of them to know the kind of tests they had to go through; Jungkook was the only one you knew about.

You knew he had to spit into a cup, causing dry mouth for him often. It wasn’t as extreme as Namjoon but you knew it was still bothersome to have dry mouth.

“The tests Jungkook has to do.” You pulled back to look at Namjoon. “What do they use his saliva for?”

Namjoon hummed, moving along his bed with you in his lap. He made himself comfortable along the pillows. You moved around for a bit, finding the perfect place to lay back. You had settled for turning around in his lap, back to his chest.

“Jungkook is a werewolf, as you know.” He started. “His saliva has healing properties for superficial injuries. It can heal any kind of penetrative wound over the skin. They make another cream with it.” He told you.

“And the others?” You asked quietly, pulling your knees closer.

Namjoon felt your emotions change into something akin to depression. So he wrapped his arms around your middle, pulling you closer to him. You suddenly smelled the most soothing aroma ever. It calmed you down immediately, almost like lavender would. It didn’t take away from your worry but you felt relaxed.

“Jin is an elf, which means he has a long life span. They take his DNA for patients with disabilities caused by old age.” Namjoon explained.

“What do they take?” You asked.

“His blood.” You purse your lips, dropping your shoulders.

“Jimin has this water resistant substance on his body, it makes him aware of his surroundings in water. They take it off him for medication having to do with water in the lung: Bronchitis, pneumonia, the flu.” The man continued. “ Yoongi, has venom that mixes with blood to cause some kind of reaction.”

You remembered Twilight when Namjoon talked about venom. “Is that what is used to turn people into vampires?” You asked.

“Yes.” Namjoon chuckled at your question. “They create blood related medicines with it.”

The boys were all kinds of magical creatures that you read about in books. They had their own powers and abilities. While you really wanted to learn all about them, you knew you wouldn’t be able to with them trapped in this hell.

You sighed to yourself, thinking about how you applied to this job. You should have taken notice of all the red flags. The fact that you didn’t know what they focused on was probably the biggest one. And yet here you still were–blinded by wanting a job to keep you afloat.

You knew if you hadn’t taken the chance you wouldn’t have met the boys. And they would probably still be stuck here for another 10 years. You were going to try your best at taking them out; they deserved so much more.

“What about Taehyung and Hobi?” You turned to look at him.

“Taehyung has this ability where he can manipulate his magical energy. They extract it from him in order to create the medicine, it's like an activator.”

Your first thought was if Taehyung was the only faerie having to struggle with that. You remembered how he had burst into Yoongi’s room talking about how he exploded his energy and gave himself the gash. You knew you had seen it.

“Are there more faeries here?” You asked.

“I think there's one more. Her name is Hanni, she's just a child.” Namjoon sighed.

You knew Namjoon cared about more than just the seven boys. He was the first patient to be kidnapped. So he knew much more than anyone else. Seeing all those other people be brought in, must have been painful for him.

“Hobi is a different case. He's more of a just-in-case type deal. His magic has the ability to put anyone to sleep as well as hypnotize and cast spells. He can also heal people.” Namjoon continued.

“Can all of you just heal people?” You snorted.

“Hobi's healing is a lot more helpful than ours. I mean, I have to rip my skin off and Yoongi has to give blood. It's easier for him.” He shrugged.

“I understand.” You nodded. “Hobi and Taehyung seem like very powerful people.”

“They were one of the first creatures to ever be created. So they tend to have the most magical energy.” Namjoon explained. “Behind dragons.” He added a teasing smile on his face.

“Are you bragging?” You laughed.

“No, in my word.” Namjoon looked offended. “Dragons are the oldest living creatures in my entire world.”

“Sounds believable.” You giggled, leaning further against his chest.

There was a silence that made you comfortable. You could feel Namjoon’s chest rising and falling with each breath he took. If the scent you had smelled earlier hadn’t already relaxed you, Namjoon’s breathing would have. His fingers were splayed out on your tummy, his thumb rubbing against you.

He froze for a few seconds before going back to paying you attention. “I'll see you later, Kook wants attention.” He patted your thigh, making you move off him.

You looked at him skeptically, turning on your knees. “How do you know?”

“Magic.” He grinned. “I'll tell you later.”

He walked you to his door, giving you a pat on the head as you walked out. You giggled, setting into the hallway without looking. As your body passed Namjoon’s door, you quickly bumped into someone making you look up.

“I'm sorry.” You told them man.

“It's alright.” He gave you a smile that made you uneasy. “You're the new nurse.”

“Yes.” You told him, looking down to the floor.

“Jungkook's.” He looked up at the door you had walked out of. “And Namjoon's, I see.”

“Yes. Excuse me, I should be going now.” You quickly said, wanting to get away from the man.

“Of course.” He told you. “Have a nice day.” He waved you off as you fast walked to Jungkook’s room.

With how disturbed you were feeling, Namjoon was quick to step out into the hall. His eyebrows pinched together in anger when they landed on Kyong staring at you. When Jungkook’s door opened and you had disappeared, Kyong turned to the man.

“Hello, Namjoon. How are you today?” Kyong asked the man.

“What do you want Kyong?” He asked, turning his nose up.

“Just visiting.” He shrugged. “Haven't been in such a long time.” He placed his hands into his pockets, looking back down the hall. “Do be careful with that nurse.” He hummed. “She seems to be hiding something.”

Namjoon almost growled at the look Kyong gave him. He didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that Kyong was suspicious of you. However he didn’t want the man to know that you were special to them.

“Wouldn't want anything to happen to her.”

Series Masterlist

@h3arteyes4mingi , @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh , @rinkud, @rln-byg , @singukieee , @hoshi-is-ult-bbg , @ldysmfrst , @k-p0p-4ever , @shadowyjellyfishfest , @forestsquirrel , @juju-227592 , @alienchickenpoop , @dreamerwasfound , @afangirl91 , @psiphidragon , @puppyminnnie , @girl-nahh , @shyloh-the-cornsnake , @oemmi2005 , @ollyoxenfrees , @whynotlarene , @beeltsumu , @cryingpages , @milopenne , @belikejk , @bts-4-life-ot7 , @woozixo, @serveruslovebot ,

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chvnnie · 2 years ago

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thoughts on chan being a switch? it's rotting me i swear. i can so imagine him being tied up just itching to touch the reader, holding back the urge to completely tear them apart. pls omg he drives me crazy

switch Chan does not get the attention he deserves. because honestly, it’s a mind shattering thought.

SMUT - MINORS DNI

He never considered subbing. Being submissive just isn’t something that interested him; the control he has over every aspect of his life is something he holds so dearly. Just the thought of letting it go makes the man nervous, skin itchy, chest tight.

But you. You made him see the beauty in release, with a comfort that smells like lavender and cotton, tastes like oranges, feels like heaven.

You make it easy to relax.

Lifted on your knees, you straddled Chan, who is secured to your bed with the softest ropes he’s ever felt. Though he’s tugged once or twice, they’re firm. No slack, keeping him exactly where you want him.

Your body is hovering, center above center yet not touching even in the slightest. Fully dressed in contrast to him, cock heavy on his abs. Goosebumps crawling up his skin from the chill of the room, from the excitement bubbling in his belly.

Humming, you run the tip of a cane down his chest. Tracing the ridges of his body with it. It’s only been used once or twice, yet the tiny sparks of terror are felt in his spine. Remembering how it felt, the uniform marks it made — “How are you feeling, Channie?”

He takes a shaky breath before smiling, the cane now close to his leaning tip. “Good, ma’am.”

The title makes your lips quirk up, pretty eyes roaming up to his. “I’m glad.” Your tone reflect it. “What have you done while I was gone?”

“Followed your rules.”

He says it so simply that you look unconvinced. “Sounds like you’re saying that because I want to hear it.” A light swat to his inner thigh — not enough to hurt him, but it does make him twitch in the bindings. “Are you being honest?”

“Always, ma’am.”

You decide to take him at his word. After all, Channie can be such a good boy.

When he wants to be.

“I’m glad you came over.” You say earnestly, placing the cane to the side. “It’s been too long since I got to play with my favorite toy.”

Though you make him feel safe, content in a submissive role, the demeaning nickname sparks annoyance in the back of his head. That’s what he calls you when the roles are switched, twisted into positions that are simply for his pleasure. Chan doesn’t care for how you’ve used it against him.

“I wanted to see you.” He says, trying to ignore the feeling. “Touch you. Taste you—“

“Who said anything about that?” The laugh you give is humiliating, as if it was insane of him to even think about having you like that. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, little boy.”

It’s fun when Chan subs. When he lets you do whatever you want with him, regardless of the twisted things you come up with.

But, it’s even more fun when you challenge him. As his smile falls, yours grows, happy to see him getting so pent up. Knowing that he holds no control, it’s starting to make him itch.

“Why else would you invite me over?” He can’t help the bite in his voice.

Oh, your giggle. Usually the happiest, prettiest sound. One he could listen to for hours on end.

Today, it makes his hands curl into fists.

“To stare at you.” You’re climbing off of him. “Admire you. Sometimes it’s nice just to…look.”

He doesn’t like the way you said that. You pick up your phone, thumbs tapping quickly. Drowning out the man currently at your disposal. Within moments, there’s a knock on your apartment door.

“Oh, I’ll be right back.” You singsong, a little bounce in your step as you head out the room. Before he can even ask, you punch his cheeks between your thumb and index finger. “You’re going to love this, Channie.”

Kiss, and gone. The voices. Soft, whispering so they’re inaudible. Your giggle, the stranger responding in a deep, familiar voice.

No. No, no, no—

The set up of the room suddenly makes sense. The fluffy armchair, usually tucked in the corner. Right at the edge of the bed, positioned perfectly for Chan to see. The way you seem more focused on your phone than usual.

He’s thrashing in the bindings by the time Felix walks in with you, the younger man not even slightly surprised by his predicament.

“Oh, hyung. Excited?” The snide remark makes you laugh, guiding Felix over to the chair.

“He’s always eager—“

“Fucking untie me-“

“And so hard to satisfy.” You say with a sigh, plopping to a seat. “I’m sure you understand. It’s never enough for him.”

Felix hums sadly, giving his friend an almost disappointing look. “How do you ever get any pleasure?”

You smile, twirling your hair with your index finger. “He does have a pretty cock, but you think with how much he fucking talks, he would use his tongue a bit more.”

Chan is livid. It’s all a lie; how many hours has he spent between your legs? Have you spent seated on his face? Sure, he knows it’s all to rile him up. But the frustration comes from the fact that it’s working. He wants to touch you. Needs to touch you. To fucking remind you who exactly is in charge—

“Oh, poor thing.” Felix coos, softly tracing your jaw with the tips of his fingers as he kneels in front of you. “Do you want some help?”

Fuck, he’s so annoyed with the way you pout. Puppy dog eyes. “Please, Lixie?”

It’s agony, watching his younger friend push your skirt up. Seeing that you were wearing nothing the underneath the entire time, head rolling back as Felix eagerly traces your cunt with his tongue. That should be him. He should be touching you.

Yet he’s bound. Stagnant. Forced to watch as the ropes begin to give under his pulls.

#skz smut #stray kids smut #bang chan smut #chan smut #felix smut #lee felix smut #chvnnie thots

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coldshare · 1 year ago

Note

A word To build a scenario around... Steam

thank you for the prompt, anon! ♡ here it is (with some gratuitous references to contagion... you know me)

a character who's the type to prioritize self care over everything... who lives luxuriously, the type to resort to everything from expensive spa days to unwind, the type who's familiar with every natural remedy in the book, because really, even the slightest ailment is a perfect excuse to take it easy and even pamper themselves a little bit

the same character who feels themselves coming down with a terrible, incredibly contagious cold. but for whatever reason - maybe their boss urges them to come in (it's just a small cold, after all, and so much work still needs to get done), or maybe because they're just so confident in their home remedies to do the trick - they head to work anyways.

their desk becomes a mini pharmacy for the day - soft lotion tissues, three different tins of tea specifically meant to relieve cold and flu symptoms, herbal cough drops, a few cooling salves for their red, irritated nose, hot packs for their sinuses, a humidifier for the congestion. after all... if they're going to have to work with this cold, why not make their time here as comfortable as possible?

but still, despite every remedy, their cold turns out to be annoyingly persistent - they're just so congested they can hardly breathe through their nose, plagued with a tickle (not severe enough to catalyze a sneeze, in most cases, but present enough to be very distracting) in their nose which won't leave them alone no matter what. even worse, every sneeze is irritatingly unproductive; it does nothing to relieve the tickle - in fact, it almost seems to make it worse...

they make it to halfway through the afternoon where they decide they can't stand it anymore - they're not feeling too terrible, but this is certainly annoying, and that's enough of a reason for them to put an end to it once and for good. breathing in steam can be therapeutic, and even better, it's supposed to relieve congestion, right?

after a few moments consideration, they swipe the small vial of lavender essential oil off their desk. they've never been fond of this particular vial compared to the other essential oils they own - it always leaves them sniffly and teary eyed - but perhaps that would be a welcome side effect, just this once.

from there, they head into the break room and boil some water using the coffee machine (so what if they end up sneezing a few times, all over the coffee machine, misting the company countertops? it's not like they can control when they sneeze... with this cold, every sneeze just sneaks up on them; it's not their fault that they're not always able to cover.) they pour the boiling water out into a large bowl, drop a few drops of the lavender essential oil inside, and take a seat at one of the tables in the break room, which - aside from them - is thankfully empty.

the first breath of hot, fragrant steam does wonders for their congestion, which they can feel start to loosen for the first time, making their nose run. they haven't brought any tissues with them... perhaps that was an oversight, but the steam is just so relieving, they can't just stop now...!

the next few breaths, they can really start to smell the lavender, and... oh, the tickle in their nose sharpens with such intensity it takes them off guard.

"heh... hEhh... HIH-! hheh-Hhehh... heh... hehH..."

god, their nose tickles so badly; it's practically begging for relief. they lean their head down, taking another deep breath in through their nose.

"hehH... hehh-HEH-!" fuck, so close, just a little more... "hheh... HehhH.... hh-heh-Hehh-HEHh-!! HEHH'IIHHSHIEEEW!"

it's as if that first sneeze completely opens up the floodgates, snapping them forward - only for them to inhale a huge breath of hot steam. they wipe their nose on one palm, but even the slightest pressure against their nose seems to increase the tickle tenfold. everything smells like so strongly of lavender, it's - HEHh-! making them - heh-HEHh - h-have to -

"HEHH'ISSSHHIEw! hHAH'IITSHuUH! heh... heh-hEhh-HEHh-hHEH'TCHIIIEEEW! hH... hHIh! hahh-HAh-AHH.... AHH'IIIITTSCHHUueE!"

every sneeze absolutely drenches the table beneath them. they lift their hands to halfheartedly shield the first couple of sneezes, but with the number of particles that escape through their fingertips regardless, does it really even matter? it's not like anyone else is in the break room, after all. they turn their head aside to keep from spraying the table (even if all that accomplishes is spread their cold in the other direction.)

besides... don't they deserve to sneeze after having not been able to sneeze all morning, aside from the few terribly unsatisfying sneezes they'd had to put up with? isn't it only right that they get relief from this annoying cold as soon as possible? they need to get all the viruses out of their system to get rid of this cold... each messy, spraying sneeze sets them closer on the path to recovery. the tickle in their nose is really just there to help them sneeze out their cold as soon as possible, so why not coax it even further, make this process a little faster? really, they're doing their body a favor as they breathe in more steam, as they give in to the tickle in their nose, as they sneeze and sneeze and sneeze...

(maybe that's what they think, but they've left the air so utterly saturated with their cold viruses that it's no wonder that half the office comes down with the same miserable, messy cold in the weeks following, leading to more than a few dirty looks... after all, they brought their cold to work, and they hadn't exactly been subtle about it)

#snzblr #snz kink #contagion #contagion kink #snz scenario #snz prompt #sneeze scenario #snzfucker #sneeze kink #snzario #the research i did to write this sneeze post (what a sentence) says #apparently it is possible for essential oils to make you sneeze if you're allergic to the scent #i also spent like 15 minutes researching humidifiers (usually it's harmful to drop essential oils into the water tank) and diffusers #(neither of which i have ever used but i just wanted to write a character with this archetype ahaha)#before settling on this method which i can only hope is logically sound #also i think this is my longest post thus far? totally got carried away

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azziesbattybaddie · 5 months ago

Text

My Masterlist

Last updated: 10/02/24

Requests are: open

The fandoms I write for-

Acotar - Avengers - Xmen - Avatar

Key: 💘 = fluff

🔥 = Smut

💔 = Angst

2024 Acotar kinktober Masterlist

Acotar

Rhysand

Lady in red 🔥

Vampire Rhysand x reader

Kinktober submission

Word count: 1.2k

Rhys is always carful with you and absolutely never drinks from you, but when you finally decided to spend your first night together Rhys has some trouble controlling his hunger for you.

Lavender skies 💘 WIP

Rhysand x fem Reader

Word count: ?

After a particularly hard day at the Illaryan camp all you can think about is getting home to your mate, who is... On the roof?

Azriel

You are my survival 🔥

Azriel x fem Reader

Word count: 5k

You and Azriel are mates. Az knows it, you don't, that is until a particularly hard training session when the truth finally come out.

Cassian

Big Illaryan baby 💘🔥 WIP

Cassian x plus size fem Reader

Word count: ?

Cassian gets the flu and turns from Illaryan warrior to clingy baby, that's it, thats the plot.

Lucien

Long hair and long healing 💔💘

Lucien x fem Reader

Word count: 1.2k

Tamlin finally gives Lucian a day off to spend time with his mate due to being snowed in, some times spending time together is also spending time in the past.

Helion

Sinful slumbers 🔥💘

Kinktober submission

Helion x reader

Word count: 2.3

Your mate has been performing his duties as high lord all day. who can blame you for pulling him into bed as soon as he comes back to you...

Morrigan

Nothing yet

Amren

Nothing yet

Marvel

Loki

Your prize 💘

Loki x fem Reader

Word count: 1.3

Loki has always been a shameless flirt but thankfully so are you, and since when did a little flirting ever mean anything, right.

Your ocean eyes 💘🔥 WIP

Loki x plus size fem Reader

Word count: ?

When Loki comes back to earth on probation and is put on house arrest, he has to take interest in something to keep him busy and that something happens to be you.

Bucky

Nothing yet

Thor

Nothing yet

Tony

Nothing yet

Steve

Nothing yet

X-Men

Gambit

Nothing yet

Wolverine

Nothing yet

Erik

Gray's my favorite color 🔥 WIP

Erik Lehnsherr x younger fem Reader

Word count: ?

Your a newly appointed X-Man and teacher, you've always been an overly upbeat and curious person so when you get the chance to go on a mission with a very powerful and very, very enticing magneto, how could you possibly refuse?

Deadpool

Nothing yet

Pietro

Nothing yet

Wanda

Nothing yet

Natasha

Nothing yet

Yelena

Nothing yet

Avatar

Jake

Nothing yet

Neteyam

Mr steal yo girl 🔥 WIP

Neteyam x fem Metkayina Reader

Word count: ?

When the Sully's come to the Metkayina clan Neyetam takes an instant liking to you only to soon find your already promised to Aonung, good thing neteyam doesn't give up easily.

Lo'ak

Nothing yet

Kiri

Nothing yet

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somber-sapphic · 1 year ago

Text

Dish Water

〘Prompt 18- "Wear Your Coat, You'll Catch a Cold."〙

〘Notes- Here we are, prompt 18! Don't ask about the title. We all know its bad.〙

〘Summary- Natasha gets caught in the rain while picking up takeout.〙

〘Word Count- 850〙

〘Pairing- Sick Natasha x Reader〙

〚Main Masterlist〛⌶〚Sicktember Masterlist〛

“Wear your coat, you’ll catch a cold.” You called after Natasha, flashing the redhead a happy grin. She laughed and rolled her eyes, turning back to smile at you.

“It’s 60 degrees out, I think I’ll live.” She teased in return, shutting the door behind her in a twirl. You chuckled quietly to yourself as you turned back to the soapy dishwater in the sink, amused with your dumb joke.

Science had clearly proven no correlation between not wearing a coat and getting sick. If it had been colder hypothermia was certainly on the table, but not a cold or the flu. Depending on who you ask hypothermia could be worse, but Nat would simply glare at any illness until it went away. She was cool like that.

You began to hum as you cleaned the dishes, wrinkling your nose as you rinsed out a water bottle which had held what smelled like a very old smoothie. It was your turn to clean the dishes accumulated by the Avengers over the week and you were unfortunate enough to have the grossest set since the chore was put in place.

That didn’t matter though, because Natasha was picking up pizza and soon enough the two of you would be cuddled up on the couch with hot, greasy food and a scary movie.

You wanted to watch a wholesome Halloween movie (The Corpse Bride specifically), but your girlfriend had insisted on a Scream marathon. You didn’t care though, all that mattered was spending time with her.

These last few months had been so incredibly stressful. The moment that she had gotten back from a three-week mission, you had been sent out for surveillance that required you to live in what was practically a shack in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. You spend two months there, seeing no action and hearing nothing of the woman you loved. It had been lonely, very lonely.

But now, it was okay. Given that you were the two sent on the longest missions Steve and Fury had agreed that you would each get at least a month home together, barring any emergencies that came up. Figuring that there would be at least one said emergency, Natasha and you were determined to take up this time doing couple-y things. Tomorrow it would be a movie, the day after a pottery class. Domestic stuff.

You finished with the dishes and dried your hands on the cloth, mildly alarmed by the amount of water covering your shirt. You always flung water around while completing that particular chore, but you thought you’d been careful enough this time. The soaking hem of your shirt told a different story.

With a sigh, you pulled it off and headed for the laundry room, certain that you had at least one left over from the load you’d forgotten to fold earlier.

No sooner than you donned a fresh shirt, one smelling of lavender and Nastasha, did you hear a door close and a loud sneeze. You hurriedly tugged the shirt the rest of the way on and checked your watch as you padded out to the kitchen to investigate.

Standing in the doorway was Natasha, dripping wet and shaking like a leaf. The raincoat that she’d apparently grabbed was draped over the pizza box carried in one hand, her face buried in the crook of her other elbow. When she looked up at you, you could see the guilt in her eyes.

When she pulled her head away you could see the redness of her nose and the pout set on her plump red lips.

“Natty! Babe, I told you to wear it!” You said in a rush, sliding across the tile in your sock clad feet. Unfortunately, you had misjudged your speed and collided with her. It was only her quick reflexes that allowed you, the pizza and herself to all remain standing.

“It j-just started p-pouring, I didn’t want the-the food to get r-r-ruined.” Natasha spat out, her teeth chattering so hard that you could barely make out what she was saying. You huffed and took the box from her, setting it on the counter with the raincoat falling to the side.

The box was safe, of course it was. There was not a single dark spot on the cardboard concealing your dinner, but the woman you planned to share it with had been reduced to a sniveling mess in front of you.

“Okay love, forget the pizza. You need a warm shower and some chicken soup.” You said gently, wrapping an arm around your waist. Natasha tried to pull away, protesting about how she was getting you wet. It was true, but you didn’t care. One more change of shirt wouldn’t kill you.

“Come on Tasha, lets get you warmed up.” You kissed the side of her head, allowing yourself a smile when she laid her head against you. You may have been standing, but she had melted against you, half convincing you that if you let go, she would collapse.

In that moment, you decided that next time you would not be joking when you told her to wear a coat.

〖Join My Taglist!〗@lovelyy-moonlight, @bloomingflowersthings, @lots-of-pockets, @asiangmrchk13, @fxckmiup, @animealways, @scrambled-brain-eggs, @kljhsong, @juststuckhereforever, @fayhar, @chairhere, @canvascoloredin, @iliketozoneout, @ash26424, @goldenempyrean

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justagalwhowrites · 1 year ago

Text

Shelter

IT'S FINALLY DONE!

A request from MONTHS ago from the lovely, the talented, the supreme Lavender fan @dundienominee who wanted some QZ era Joel angst that included a few specifics. I thought you'd sent an ask but I think it was just one of the millions of DMs lol

So here it is! A NON-CANON Lavender one shot, where Joel and Doc are stuck together when FEDRA puts the QZ on lockdown.

I hope this is what you're looking for, love!!

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender (can be read independently with the understanding that Joel and Reader are exes and Reader also dated Tommy in the QZ.)

Warnings: SMUT!, Results of canon-typical violence, infidelity (not on each other). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 8.4k

August, 2017

Joel had been right.

That wasn’t a fact he particularly appreciated in that moment. He’d rather have been right and not shot. He’d rather have been wrong, for that matter, even if you’d be bound and fucking determined to hold it over him for the next who knows how fucking long.

But no, he had to be right and shot.

Still, better than another alternative.

You shot. You hurt. That was the worst possible outcome.

Well, maybe not the worst. That would be you dead.

Joel couldn’t think about that.

“Shit,” you swore, the sound of FEDRA around the next corner.

“There,” Joel said through gritted teeth, nodding toward a pile of junk.

“Right,” you said, pulling him along toward it, your shoulder tucked into his underarm. You pulled him down to the ground just as a dozen or so FEDRA guards ran past, armed to the teeth, guns drawn. Joel fought to keep quiet, breathe silently through the pain, until he couldn’t hear them anymore. You looked at him. There was blood on your cheek. “Should we wait? Or do you think we’re good to move?”

“So now you want to listen to me?” He asked sarcastically. You glared at him. He ignored it. “Should be alright now, doubt more troops will be headin’ that way from here.”

You helped him to his feet and he leaned against you again, trying to ignore the way his body seemed to be hyperaware of everywhere you touched him. You started walking.

“I’m really sorry, Joel,” you said, sounding a little breathless, as you started getting close to his apartment. “I really thought it would be alright…”

“Maybe fuckin’ listen to me next time,” he managed through the pain. “Might not be a damn doctor but I do know about shit like this…”

“I know,” you said quietly.

Joel let the subject drop.

The two of you had gone to the absolute shittiest part of the QZ to run medication to a boy there who had been in the clinic just a few days earlier. You’d gone on a special trip outside the QZ for it. You had explained it all to Joel and Tess, of course, but he didn’t really get it. All he knew was there was a four-year-old boy who needed some drug urgently.

You just hadn’t bothered to explain where that drug needed to be taken until you, Joel and Tess made it back to the QZ.

“No,” Joel had shaken his head. “No fuckin’ way…”

“He’s going to die,” you said. “He has the flu, he’s already showing signs of complications, if he doesn’t get help it will kill him, I need…”

“No.”

“Fine,” you snapped. “I’ll go on my own.”

You turned to leave.

“No the fuck you won’t,” Joel grabbed your wrist, yanking you harshly alongside him. “Gonna just get yourself fuckin’ killed…”

“Fuck off, Joel.”

You pulled yourself from his grip and stalked off, leaving him no choice but to follow you. For someone as damn smart as you were, you made stupid fucking decisions.

Decisions that led to the two of you getting caught in the crossfire between two rival groups that left Joel with a bullet in his stomach near his hip.

“Almost there,” you said, your fingers holding tight to his side.

“Know where the fuck we are,” he muttered. He didn’t need to look at you to know that you rolled your eyes in response.

He managed to make it up the stairs and into the apartment, Tess pacing the living room. She stopped when she saw him, her eyes going wide.

“Jesus Christ,” she ran to him, taking his other side.

“Let’s get him to the table,” you said. “Trying to avoid doing this on the floor again…”

Joel had all but forgotten that you’d saved his life here, in this room, once before. He had almost no memory of it, what little he did remember was more like a dream. You, next to him, your hands soft, voice gentle, something warm in him that was tied to you. You didn’t seem real, you seemed like something he’d lost, something that was in a place that was too far and too good for him to reach. But you were there. And you were taking care of him.

“Fucking told you, Doc,” Tess snapped, helping to haul Joel’s broken body to the table. She cleared the papers and trash from it, dropping shit into a chair. “Fucking told you not to go to that side of the goddamn QZ…”

“Yeah, I get it,” you snapped back. “I’m a fucking idiot, alright? Just help me.”

You and Tess got Joel up on the table and he groaned, his muscle tensing and pulling around the wound in his stomach.

“Sorry, sorry,” you said, helping him lay back on the wood with a grunt.

“Don’t know why I let you talk us into this shit,” Tess said, still pissed, as she unbuttoned his shirt. “I should really fucking know better by now, you’re the dumbest smart person I know…”

“Tess,” Joel growled.

“She’s going to get you fucking killed,” she snapped. “She’s going to get us both fucking killed…”

“Tess,” his voice was sharper.

He knew that Tess was far from a fan of yours. She’d been growing tenser and tenser around you for a while now. He was never sure why, if it really was what she said and it was because she felt like you took stupid risks, if it was because he’d never been able to care about her the same way he cared about you in spite of how much he loathed it, if it was because she was tired of trying to keep the peace when you were so clearly done with him. For a while, it had seemed like the two of you were friends. Almost friends. But not anymore.

“Someone has to give a shit if you live or die, Joel, and we both know that it’s not going to be you and it’s not going to be her, either,” she unbuttoned his jeans next. “So that leaves me.”

“You think I don’t give a shit?” You asked, dropping your pack on a chair and yanking it open. “You think I keep you and him alive for fun?”

“No, I think you do it so you can keep trying to save a place that can’t be fucking saved,” she was yelling now.

“Tess.”

“Shut up, Joel,” she barely glanced at him before rounding on you again. “I’m tired of being some tool in her goddamn stupid crusade…”

“Tess.”

“I didn’t fucking make him come with me!” You yelled back at her. “I would have gone on my own, he’s the one…”

“You really think he’s the one who makes the decisions when it comes to you?” Tess shoved you. “You really think he’d let you run off to get yourself fucking killed? You’re an idiot sometimes, Doc, but you’re not that fucking stupid.”

“Tess!” Joel was trying to sit up but she wasn’t paying attention. You were. You looked at him, frowning.

“No,” she yelled, shoving you again. “No, I’m done with this shit, I’m done pretending that we’re doing fucking anything besides risking our fucking lives for some pointless…”

“Tess!” He managed to sit up, grabbing her arm before she could shove you again. Her head spun, hair whirling, eyes narrowed. “She’s right, don’t fuckin’ blame her…”

“She’s…” Tess shook her head. “You are so fucking stuck on her, on her bullshit, on…”

“Get out.”

You pulled gauze out of your pack and pressed it to the wound at his hip.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She gaped at him, her brows raised.

“You can figure out how to fuckin’ respect her or you can go,” Joel said through gritted teeth. “Not gonna just let you talk about her…”

“Her is right here,” you cut him off. “Stop talking about me like I’m not fucking here. And Joel you need to lie down before you fuck something else up, Jesus…”

Tess looked between him and you before she shook her head and stepped back from the table.

“Good fucking luck,” Tess snapped before stalking out and slamming the door behind her.

You looked where she had been for a moment before nudging Joel back down onto the table.

“You done?” You asked, brows raised. “Because I don’t need you to defend me from your girlfriend, Joel. I’m still going to keep you alive even if you both hate me.”

“I don’t…”

“Stay still.”

He gritted his teeth and stared daggers at the ceiling while you worked on him for a moment, pressing gauze into his skin for a bit before pulling it away.

“Don’t think you’ve hit anything major,” you said, more to yourself than to him. He still grunted in response. “Stay put, I still need to get that bullet out and get you cleaned up.”

He followed you with his eyes as you went about collecting tools, cleaning yourself up, putting on sterile gloves. He tried to focus on you without it raising his blood pressure which, he figured, wouldn’t be the best thing to do when there was an open wound on his torso.

But it was hard.

It had been years with you like this. More than a decade. Thinking about you too much made his chest tight, his stomach clench. Thinking about you too much made him worry he might be having a fucking heart attack, that you just might be the death of him.

But you were still who he thought about when he needed comfort. Still where his mind went when he was in pain and he needed to remember why he should try to live through it. Still what he pictured when alone at night and he thought the loss and the emptiness of his life would swallow him whole. Still where his thoughts found when he wanted to come because nothing had ever felt as good as you.

“Think you can sit still while I get this sucker out of you?” You asked. “Because I don’t exactly have someone here to hold you still at the moment.”

“Just do it,” Joel squared his jaw and stared at the ceiling again.

You were quiet for a moment before you touched his bared skin with the lightest, gloved touch.

“I really am sorry,” you said softly. “I know… We have our issues but… I really hate seeing you hurt. I really hate getting you hurt.”

Joel looked at you, your face drawn into a frown, your eyes sad. Even now, he thought you might be the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“I know,” he said, looking back at the ceiling.

You were quiet and he could feel your eyes on him before he felt you slip some kind of instrument into the wound. He hissed through the pain of it but kept still.

“I know,” you said, voice gentle and soothing. “You’re OK, it’ll be OK.”

He remembered you using that voice with Sarah. He came home from work once and his daughter was perched on the counter, sniffling, her face streaked with tears. You were talking to her in that voice, a wad of paper towel held against her knee.

“You’re OK. It’ll be OK.”

“You with me, Miller?” You asked after what felt like an eternity but knew it must have only been a few minutes. “Need a break?”

“Just finish it,” he managed through gritted teeth.

You found the bullet and planted your hand firmly on the softness of his stomach.

“Hold still,” you said. “This is going to have to be kind of slow, there’s relatively little damage, nothing major hit and I’d like to keep it that way.”

You pulled on it and he could feel you moving through him, through the gaping wound him, pulling the pain out into the open air.

When you finished, you held the bullet up, glistening with blood.

“The cause of all this trouble,” you said, turning it in the light. “Let me patch some of this up and make sure you don’t bleed out. I don’t think you’ll need a blood transfusion this time at least…”

Joel frowned, lifting his head slightly as you set to work.

“What do you mean ‘this time?’”

You froze for half a second before you tried to brush it off.

“Just, you know,” you said. “In general.”

He watched you work for a moment.

“Hey.”

You glanced at him before looking back at his wound.

“What?”

“You had to give me a blood transfusion last time?” He asked, trying not to groan at the pain.

“I didn’t want to freak you out,” you said eventually, tucking gauze into the wound. “But… yeah, you were down a lot of blood and… Look, I did what I had to do to keep you alive.”

You cleaned up the skin around his injury.

“Whose blood?”

“What?” You asked, focused on the task.

“Whose blood did you use?” He asked. “Don’t imagine you went down to the clinic so whose blood.”

You were quiet and Joel was about to ask again when you spoke.

“We didn’t know your blood type,” you said quietly. “So Tommy would have been the best option…” your voice trailed off but he knew that wasn’t the end. He kept watching you and you sighed before you kept going. “But I’m O- so…”

He just blinked for a moment.

“It was yours.”

Your eyes darted to his for half a second.

“Yeah. It was mine.”

He was quiet as you pulled off your gloves with a sharp snap.

You’d saved him. Bled for him, poured yourself into him so he would keep breathing. He’d walked around for who knows how long with you pulsing through his body and he hadn’t known.

“You should have told me,” he said eventually.

“Yeah, well.”

You started packing up.

“You should have…”

“I couldn’t be sure that you wouldn’t fucking slit your wrists if you knew, alright?” You snapped. “You hated me. You still hate me but it was worse then, you’ve figured out how to tolerate me in the last decade which is great and all but Jesus, Joel, don’t act like telling you was the easy thing to do.”

You threw your pack over your shoulder and he sat up, ignoring the pain at his hip.

“I need to get home,” you said. “Try not to wreck all my work…”

There was a pounding at the door that made you jump. Joel shoved himself off the table and quickly buttoned his shirt as he limped for the door.

“Bag down,” he said quietly. “Stay back.”

You nodded, obeying him for once in your damn life.

He opened the door slowly, cautiously. A FEDRA officer stood at his door.

“Can I help you?” Joel tried not to growl, tried not to do anything that would incite suspicion. Not that he could help that he had on a bloody shirt with a fucking bullet hole in it.

“There’s been increase violence in a nearby quadrant of the QZ,” the man said, barely looking at Joel. “We’re requiring all residents to shelter in place until further notice. Is everyone here a member of your household or does someone need an escort home?”

Joel saw you step toward the door, opening your mouth like you were about to speak, but he held his hand out behind him, silencing you.

“Same household,” he said. “We’re all set here.”

“We’ll let you know when it’s safe to leave,” the guard said. “Lock your door.”

He left before Joel had a chance to respond and he shut the door quickly before slumping against it.

“Joel!” You hissed, going to his side and looping an arm around his waist. He leaned against you and you helped him to the couch. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“You really want to get a fuckin’ FEDRA escort home?” He grimaced.

“No,” you snapped, setting him on the couch. “But do you remember how long they locked us down for last time?”

“No.”

“A week,” you said, sitting on the threadbare arm chair. “And I’d rather get a FEDRA escort than have you kill me out of frustration in three days because that’s how long we’ll last before you get that fed up with me.”

“Jesus, you really think we can’t manage to not kill each other for a few fuckin’ days?” He settled into the couch. “You n’me have survived a lot worse than that.”

You scoffed.

“Have we?” You asked, brows raised. “Besides, aren’t you worried about Tess?”

He shrugged.

“She can handle herself better than you can,” he said and you rolled your eyes. “You that worried about gettin’ back to Derek?”

“Worried about FEDRA showing up at my door to look for relief for the clinic and not finding me,” you snapped. “Should have just let them…”

“Not gonna let you go out there with those fucking assholes if people are out there shooting at each other!” Joel cut you off. “Don’t trust ‘em with shit let alone with you! I can keep you safe here so you’re staying here, it ain’t up for discussion!”

You just blinked at Joel for a moment, a shocked look on your face.

“Think we can handle not strangling each other for a few damn days,” he muttered, looking away from you. He couldn’t really handle looking at you. You didn’t say anything. You just got up, grabbing your pack and stalking further into the apartment. He frowned. “Where do you think you’re goin’?”

“Don’t want to be around you any more than you want to be around me,” you said. “So I’m going to Tommy’s room…”

“Always liked his bed,” Joel muttered, grinding his teeth.

You flipped him off, not bothering to even look at him before slamming Tommy’s door behind you.

***

Day 1

Tommy needed better hobbies.

It was clear Joel had barely used Tommy’s room since he’d left. There were some boxes for storage - things you weren’t about to go searching through since you were pretty sure it was full of black market things from smuggling runs - but otherwise it was exactly how you remembered it. Not that you’d ever spent much time here. You liked to avoid Joel and Tommy seemed to like to avoid him even more than you did when you were around. You’d slept here a few times, when Joel was outside the QZ but Tommy had stayed behind, but he was much more likely to be at your place than his.

But this room was all but a shrine to him. Or maybe more of a mausoleum, something left in memory of someone who was gone and would never be back. You hadn’t really realized how much you’d missed your friend until you were back in his space, surrounded by his things.

You also realized that, in reality, you didn’t have a ton in common. Tommy’s book collection was… lacking. He had a few tattered Tom Clancy novels and you settled on one that you were pretty sure he’d brought over to your place once or twice.

It wasn’t really your thing, though, and you were desperately bored. You were going to have to emerge from the room eventually to do more than pee and refill your water bottle in the bathroom sink. You were almost out of the jerky you’d packed for your trip outside the QZ and you’d never been very good at sitting still with nothing to occupy your mind.

But you’d need to check on Joel’s injury at some point, anyway. Because looking at the ex who seemed to mostly hate you but apparently flew off the handle at the thought of you getting shot.

Which you didn’t fully understand. If anyone asked you, you’d have sworn up and down that Joel would shoot you in the street if it wouldn’t make his life harder. You were surprised he hadn’t all but tossed you to an infected in the years you’d been going outside the QZ but the fact that you did things like pull bullets out of him and stitch Tess’ knife wounds closed was apparently a good enough reason to keep you alive.

You didn’t see how that was a good enough reason to keep you from leaving his apartment when the two of you were about to be locked down for who the fuck knows how long. What were you supposed to do with… well, any of it?

Your head dangled over the edge of the bed when you spotted a ratty tennis ball in the corner. You tumbled off the bed and picked it up, oddly grateful to have something to function as a distraction and started bouncing it off the wall, catching it out of the air when it bounced back at you.

“The fuck you doing?” Joel called at you from the other side of the wall.

You rolled your eyes.

“Keeping myself from being so bored that I jump out a window.”

He was quiet for a minute.

You threw the ball again.

“It’s annoying.”

You caught the ball and then threw it.

“Should’ve sent me off with FEDRA then.”

For a moment, you thought that might be the end of it. And then the door opened.

He’d gotten changed, at least, his new shirt as clean and intact as you could really find in the QZ and he looked a little pale. You looked him in he eye and you threw the ball again.

“You tryin’ to piss me off?” He asked, one arm propped against the door frame.

You shrugged and caught the ball.

“You just make it so fun…”

You threw the ball again and he came and snatched it out of the air. You glared at him.

“Are you trying to make me miserable?” You asked. “Because it’s getting really old…”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” He snapped. “Think I decided to come find you in my brother’s bed because it’s fun…”

“Oh will you stop fucking harping on that?” You shoved off the bed and stalked over to him in the doorway. “It’s ancient history! Think it’s time to get over the fact that your brother decided to pick up your broken toy…”

“You think that’s why I’m pissed?” He asked, brows raised.

You ignored him, dropping to your knees and yanking his shirt up. He stopped breathing and you checked his wound before getting to your feet.

“In a few hours I’ll change your dressing,” you said, looking up at him as you stood almost shockingly close to him. You could see the pulse in his throat. “Leave me alone until then.”

He clenched his jaw, looking you up and down, before storming off, yanking the door shut behind him.

Day 2

You waited until you heard the bathroom door close before you emerged. You were officially out of jerky and sitting in a room full of Tommy’s things while being sharply aware that he was thousands of miles away from you was wearing on you fast. You needed something - anything - to distract you.

So you darted to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of jerky, and paused on your way past Joel’s room, his door cracked open. If you were quick…

You opened the, the hinges creaking, and ducked inside.

It was neat, orderly. Like you remembered it being years ago when you were together. There were little signs of him everywhere, enough that you’d have recognized the room as his even if you’d walked into it in a strange place a thousand miles away. Little carvings on the window sill, the watch you’d helped Sarah picked for his birthday gift on the nightstand, a cracked Springsteen CD case sitting next to a worn boom box. You resisted the urge to touch the booklet and see if it fell open to a specific page, if you could tell what he’d been looking for when picking that album.

Instead, you went to the bookshelf that was collapsing, worn boards sagging between cinderblocks. You recognized Joel’s taste in books, a little more in line with your own. You found a Cormac McCarthy book you hadn’t read with a spine that looked comfortably warn and pulled it, almost reverently, off the shelf.

“The hell you doin’?”

You jumped, almost dropping the book and the bag of jerky.

“Sorry…”

“I say you could come in here?”

He was standing in the doorway in pajamas, his pants slung low on his hips, t-shirt stretched over his broad shoulders.

“I am bored out of my mind,” you said, squaring your jaw even though you knew you shouldn’t be in his room. “I got desperate.”

“You think that’s a reason to just waltz in…”

“No, but…”

“Sure acting like it!”

“Is hating me fun for you?” You snapped. “Because it sure seems like it is! I don’t know why you’d work this hard at it if it wasn’t.”

He looked you up and down for a moment.

“Just get the fuck out of here,” he stepped to the side and you ducked around him, all but running back to the room you’d claimed as your own.

You settled in on the bed with your new book, resting it on your knees and trying to forget how mad Joel had been just because you dared set foot in his room, as though you didn’t live together once in another life. It had been so easy for him to forget. You’d been so easy for him to forget.

You opened the book and tried to get absorbed in the story but were having a hard time focusing, shifting around on the bed and hoping that a more comfortable position might make it so you could let yourself fall into it. You were changing positions for the third time when something fell out of the book and flitted like a leaf down to the worn quilt. You frowned, picking it up and turning it over in your hands.

It was a picture. A picture of you.

“What?” You whispered to yourself, eyebrows knitting together.

It was a photo you recognized. Derek had it in his bedroom and he’d taken it without you knowing. You were folded into an armchair in his living room, a book in your hands, hair wild with a ribbon in to keep it out of your face. When he’d developed the photo, you remembered the day he’d taken it. One of the few that you had off from both jobs in the QZ. It had been warm that day, you hadn’t bothered to put on a bra or even pants, sitting around Derek’s place in a pair of his boxers and a tank top. He’d fucked you that morning, before it got too hot, and the two of you spent the day not moving much otherwise, not wanting to spend hours sticky with sweat and miserable.

The day stuck out to you, though, not because of the heat or because you got to spend it somewhere besides the clinic or the school. Instead, it was because it reminded you of summer days in Austin with Joel. Trying not to run the AC too much, you sat far apart on the couch wearing as little as possible with Sarah coming and going from the house with friends. He would bring you glasses of ice water or lemonade almost every time he got up, his lips finding your forehead when he pressed the cold glass into your palm, his large hand finding your ankle because he had to be touching you in some way without making both of you miserable in the heat.

And now Joel had a picture from that day, the one where he’d been on your mind the whole time, so much that you’d given up on trying not to think of him.

You weren’t sure how he’d gotten it. Derek may have given him a copy if he’d asked but you didn’t know how he knew it existed. And why would he want a copy in the first place?

You looked a little closer at it, the corners curling, edges peeling. Like it had been held a lot. There was a discolored almost halo around the edges of you, like someone had been tracing over the outline of you over and over again.

There was a sharp knock on your door and you stuffed the photo into the book again.

“What?” You asked, tone softer than it had been when speaking to Joel in years.

“Mind checkin’ this damn wound?” He asked through the door, his voice oddly gentle. “Since you’re here and all. Make yourself useful.”

“Yeah,” you said. “Yeah, of course. No problem.”

You made sure the photo was tucked away and set the book on the nightstand, keeping your fingers crossed that Joel didn’t realize which book you’d taken.

***

Joel didn’t like that you’d taken to hiding in Tommy’s old room.

He didn’t like that you were still here. Or so he tried to tell himself. Really, he didn’t like that you were still here without being here, like you were the ghost in his house in the same way it seemed you’d spent most of the last decade. You were just more corporeal now.

He was used to you crossing his mind all the time. Used to the feeling that, any second now, you’d come around the corner as you finished braiding your hair or with a little bottle of nail polish in your hand or a book in fucking French tucked below your arm. He knew what to do with that.

He didn’t know what to do with you actually here, in such close quarters. Especially not when you seemed to find such comfort in just the memory of his fucking brother - his brother who had damn near gotten you killed - and not Joel, who was actually here.

Joel stared down the hall at Tommy’s - your - door. His wound ached. You’d checked it earlier, said there was no sign of infection and that things were coming along well. You refreshed his bandages and he’d try not to think about the way the soft skin of your arm felt when you brushed against his exposed flesh.

That had been hours ago. He hadn’t heard a word from you since, not even the squeak of the mattress as you shifted and moved in ways he knew so well but couldn’t see.

He shoved himself to his feet with a pained grunt and went to the door, the one that seemed to fucking haunt him now. He knocked once.

“Yeah?”

Your voice sounded thick.

“Want a drink?” He asked. You were quiet. He pressed on. “Figured it was better than drinkin’ alone.”

He gave you a minute and was about to give up on you responding when he heard small creaks on the other side of the door before it opened.

“Whatcha got?”

It took a few whiskeys before you stopped being quite so stiff at his kitchen table and Joel pulled out a deck of cards that had to have been old before the world fell apart but had somehow managed to stay complete.

“Game’s Gin,” he said, dealing. “Remember how to play?”

You rolled your eyes.

“I’m not a total idiot, Miller.”

It was strange, drinking around you. Spending time with you in ways that weren’t required, being able to look at you in ways beyond brief, desperate glances driven by the subconscious need to never, ever forget just how you looked. The precise way your eyes were shaped or your brow arched or lips curved, the exact shade of your skin and your hair and your eyes. Because as much as he didn’t want to need these things, he did. He needed to know these parts of you the way a scholar needed to know his subject, with this obsessive, aching drive for more.

It had never been enough before, the little pieces he was able to collect when you and Tess were distracted with other things and he could take in the new way your skin creased around your eyes, and it somehow wasn’t enough now, memorizing the way you pursed your lips as you organized your hand and the way your hair had fallen out of the braid that was tight against your skull.

“Need somethin’ to change into?” Joel asked eventually.

“Hm?” You looked at him over your cards.

“Just…” he nodded to you. “Still wearin’ what you were when we came back from the run. Need somethin’ to change into?”

“Oh,” you looked down at yourself and then shrugged. “I mean, I won’t argue with it but I don’t want to put you out. It’s not like anyone’s getting close enough to smell me. Oh God, please tell me you can’t smell me from across the table…”

“No, Kid,” he laughed a little and took a sip of whiskey. “Can’t… can’t smell you.”

He wondered if, below the grime of the world outside, you still smelled like lavender.

“If you’ve got some stuff I can borrow then,” you shrugged before grabbing a card. Your face lit up a bit and you set a card down before fanning out your cards in front of you. “Gin.”

“Well shit,” he said, looking over your cards. “You win.”

Day 3

He left you something to wear outside your door.

Joel stared at the wall most of the night, telling himself it was because the fucking bullet hole was hurting more than it had been but that was bullshit. It had faded to a dull pain, one that was easily tolerable and certainly not enough to keep him up at night.

No, instead he stared at the wall that he knew you were just beyond. His mind went over and over your face again and again, logging every single facet so he’d know the next time he was away from you for a while. But that wasn’t enough, either. He wanted to hear you breathing as you slept, wanted to salt away that information, too. He needed it, needed to add it to his collection of you.

But you were out of reach. Asleep in his brother’s bed, the place where you’d chosen to be all those years ago and now left Joel wondering if you’d ever really left. If you’d ever have chosen Joel at all or if he’d just been a stop gap, a thing keeping you from Tommy all this time.

It would have made sense, when he considered it. You were always softer and more open than Joel, always more like Tommy in that way. Maybe all he’d ever been was a placeholder.

He was still awake when he heard you get up in the morning, heard you pause at the door before going to the bathroom and starting the shower.

He hoped he’d find your hair in his shower later.

Your hair was down and wet when you emerged, cautiously coming into the kitchen where Joel was making the shittiest excuse for coffee with instant packets that had expired so long ago it seemed like a miracle there was anything usable at all. You were in one of his flannels and sweatpants, the legs cuffed so you wouldn’t trip, your arms crossed tight over yourself.

“Morning,” you said, glancing at him like he was a predator and you were prey.

“Morning,” he said. “Feelin’ better?”

“Yes, actually,” you said. He held a mug out to you and you took it with a slight frown. “Thank you.”

He just nodded stiffly.

“If you want to lie down,” you nodded toward the couch. “I can check your dressings again. The good news is, this might be the last time I really need to do it so…”

Joel shrugged and obeyed, trying not to think about the sense of panic that flared in his chest at the thought of you not touching him anymore.

It was something Joel had found almost impossible to hold within himself. There was this constant yearning, a pull towards you that was as persistent as gravity and twice as strong. He needed to be close enough to touch you, hold you, protect you. He needed to be close enough to love you.

But standing in sharp contrast was the cold threat of you. The painful grip of it always there at the edges when he lived too long in the memory of loving you. It was a cruel and constant thing - one of the few constants Joel had found in his life in the QZ. He could let his mind wander to the memory of you asleep in his arms but, linger there too long, and the memory shifted to you pale and bleeding and nearly dead as he ran with your broken body to the clinic. The thought of you laughing all full and free with your hand on his chest would twist into you reaching for him and screaming as you were dragged away by raiders. Hell, spend too long trying to savor the memory of being deep inside you, the look on your face as you came undone under his touch, and his mind pulled him down into what McCarthy had described doing to you years ago.

All it took was a second, a moment of Joel not protecting you when he should and you could wind up there again. He didn’t know how to live with that. He wasn’t sure he’d ever figured out how to live with loving you at a distance, either. Something that had become harsh and clear in the days the two of you had been locked down in his apartment.

“This is looking good,” you said, nodding to yourself. Your hands were on his stomach. “Think I can trust you not to fuck it up from here, don’t need me messing around with it anymore…”

You got up and held your hand out, helping Joel sit up without pulling too much at his wound.

“Thanks,” he said. “For making sure I don’t drop dead.”

“Yeah, well,” you shrugged. “It’s what I do.”

You gave him a tight smile and went back down the hall, Joel frowning after you for a moment before following. He knocked on the door and he heard you sigh before opening it a few seconds later.

“Yes?”

“Don’t…” Joel realized he didn’t really have a good reason to be standing at your door. “Don’t have to keep hidin’ in here. Sure you’re going stir crazy… Just come out here and…”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” You asked, brows raised. “We’ve managed to not kill each other so far, I don’t know that we want to push it.”

“You really think being in the same room is gonna be pushing it?”

You laughed a little and crossed your arms protectively over yourself.

“Honestly? Yeah, kind of. I mean, Joel, come on. This is the most time we’ve spent together just the two of us since my first trip outside the QZ and we both know how that ended…”

“Yeah,” Joel scoffed, his blood getting hot as he saw you standing there, in his brother’s room, next to his brother’s bed. “Ended with you hating me and jumping into bed with my fuckin’ brother…”

“Jesus Christ, you cannot be serious,” you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Joel…”

“What?” He propped an arm against the door frame, holding himself back from stalking into Tommy’s old room like he wanted to. “That not what fuckin’ happened? You all but disappear for months and the next thing I know you’re with him. What was it, hm? Was I just who you settled for because you thought he wasn’t interested? That it?”

“No!”

“You just waitin’ for a chance to…”

“I was only with him because you left!”

You yelled it at him. You so rarely yelled, usually so measured and soft and kind in damn near everything you did. He went quiet, the silence hanging heavy between you.

“Do you think I was interested in him before?” You asked, quieter this time. “It was always you, Joel. From the day I met you, it was always you and you’re the one who left me. You’re the one who made me live without you after you made me love you and you don’t get to judge me for what I did to survive you hating me. Yeah, I probably fucked up with Tommy, by having him be anything more than a friend but I was so alone because you made me be so alone! You left me, Joel! I’m sorry I didn’t sit there and wait for you to decide you gave a shit again, I’m sorry I tried to find some semblance of a life without you because losing you was going fucking kill me if I didn’t! So stop holding Tommy against me, stop blaming me for what I had to do to survive losing you, what I’m still doing to survive losing you, because out of all the shitty things that have happened in my life that might just be the worst one!”

Your eyes were shiny with tears and you were standing closer to him than he’d really realized until that moment and his hands were on your skin before he fully understood what he was doing. All he knew was he needed to touch you, feel you, taste you.

His lips were on yours and swallowed the small, surprised squeak that slipped from you as he kissed you, mouth hot and needy against you.

He’d expected you to push him back, to be mad or hurt. Instead, you threw your arms around his neck, body curving and arching into his. Your fingers tangled and knotted in his hair and you pressed yourself so tightly against him that he could feel every line of you through his clothes.

“Joel,” you pulled away from him ever so slightly, sounding needy and breathless. “We shouldn’t do this…”

“Why.”

“We don’t work,” you tugged him closer but kept your lips from him. “We just hurt each other. And you have Tess, I have Derek, it’s not…”

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he cut you off, his eyes searching yours. “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.”

For half a moment, Joel thought you were going to. But you didn’t. Instead, you kissed him again, a sense of urgency on your lips, like you were trying to devour him and he longed for you to swallow him up until there was nothing left.

He pulled you into the hall, pressing you back against the wall and ignoring the pain at his hip when he did. In that moment, he didn’t care if it killed him. He needed to be inside you, to feel you close and tight around him. Being without you now would be a more painful end than ripping himself open inside, what difference did a bullet hole make?

Joel pushed his leg from his uninjured side between your knees, shoving them apart and pulling your hips down on his thigh. You ground down against him and moaned into his mouth as you worked your core on his leg.

“Fuck,” you breathed, pulling ever so slightly away from him, your pupils blown and lips swollen. “Joel, you’re hurt, we shouldn’t…”

“Don’t care,” he pressed his mouth to your throat, earning him a delicious moan that hung in his ears like syrup on the tongue. “Need you, Baby. Need you so fuckin’ bad…”

You clutched yourself closer to him, rocking your hips on him as he pulled you back from the wall and maneuvered you to his room, his bed, the place he woke up every day and looked for you, some part of his subconscious knowing that he belonged next to you.

Your fingers pulled at his shirt, tugging it up and over his head before casting it aside and he nudged you onto the bed, taking his shirt off your body, too.

“Joel…” you were sitting back on your elbows, the soft fullness of your chest bared to him as he crawled between your legs. “I can’t… I can’t do this and go back to being nothing to you, Joel, I can’t…”

He looked in your eyes, a pain in them that he found sadly familiar now but it was harsher than he was used to, like you couldn’t keep it contained now so it was laid bare.

“Oh, Baby,” he breathed, his hands finding your waist. You closed your eyes at his touch, breath catching in your throat. “You’re everything to me, everything. Always have been.”

His lips moved to your throat, kissing and biting at the tender skin there as he pulled your pants down and off, you lifting your hips to help before putting your hand down his front to take hold of his cock with a moan. Joel moaned, too. He couldn’t help it, your touch was burned into his memory, what he longed for more than anything else and you were touching him. Your thumb grazed the head of his cock and he shuddered at the contact, whole body on fire with aching and desperate want.

“Need you,” he panted into your lips. “Fuck, need inside you…”

“Good,” you pressed your body against his and he felt his head graze your soft mound. “Because I need you, too. Never stopped…”

He kissed you and pushed you into the bed before pressing his cock into your wet heat. You moaned as you took him into yourself, your back arching. You were so warm and tight around him, Joel had to focus to not come from just the feel of your body clutching onto him.

“Goddamn,” he looked down to where he was buried in you to the root, your fingers sinking into his bicep as you panted for breath. He could feel you breathing, feel your heartbeat from inside you. Why had he wasted so much of his life fighting this when he could have been with you instead? In that moment - when he was buried deep inside of you and he could feel you everywhere, in everything - the fear he’d been so desperately fighting against faded to nothing. There was just you and everything you held, the whole of all his wanting looking up at him in quiet desperation. “Forgot… forgot just how good you feel, holy fuck.”

“Need you to move,” your nails dug into his arm. “Fuck, please Joel, need you to move, please…”

He wasn’t about to say no, even as your already tight walls clenched around him. He dropped his head to your chest and pulled out of you almost entirely, until just his head was left within you, before thrusting back in hard and deep. He kissed you again as he did, swallowing your needy sounds.

Joel tried to hold back, the echo of some pain in his body and his mind, but he was too overwhelmed by you for it to last long. You met his every thrust, working your hips back up against his own as he fucked into you.

“Fuck, Joel,” you wrapped one arm around his shoulders, digging your fingertips into his skin as he felt you getting so tight around him it almost hurt. “Fuck, I’m gonna… Joel, I’m gonna come, I can’t…”

“Do it,” he slid an arm below your waist and pulled you tight and flush to his body, needing to feel as much of your skin as he possibly could. “Come for me, come for me, Baby, need to feel you, have to feel you, fuck Baby…”

You whimpered and keened as your tight channel pulsed around his thick cock, squeezing him so tight it was like your body was pulling his own orgasm out of him.

“I’m comin’ Baby,” he pressed into you deep and hard and you clung to him as he came undone, emptying himself into you. “I’m comin’, fuck, I’m comin’ so fucking hard, Goddamn…”

He collapsed on top of you, his cock still twitching inside you. He couldn’t remember the last time he came that hard, felt quite that drained when he was done. His head rested on your chest, your heartbeat heavy against his cheek as your fingers trailed through his hair and his cock softened inside you.

“Fuck,” he was still panting for breath when he pressed a kiss to your breast bone and slid from your body, the pain at his hip suddenly back with a vengeance, as he collapsed beside you.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” you said quietly, turning your head to look at him.

“Baby…”

“We shouldn’t,” you said, your voice thick. “You’re hurt…”

“Good think you’re a doctor.”

You glared at him.

“We just blew up our entire lives, Joel,” you said quietly, eyes wet. “I’m with Derek and I just fucked you because, what, you loved me once and felt bad letting me get shot in the QZ? This was stupid, this was so…”

“No,” he shook his head.

“No?” You raised your eyebrows at him. “No what?”

“No to all of it,” he said. “I didn’t blow up a damn thing. I just finally was able to admit to myself that there isn’t anything to blow up without you, don’t want any of it without you.”

“Joel…”

“Been too scared of it all to admit that,” he pressed on. “But I can’t keep living like that, Baby. I can’t. And I don’t think you can, either.

“We’ve already wasted too much damn time,” he continued. “But I’m not wasting another minute of it, not when I could be with you. Not sayin’ there’s not shit to figure out - pretty sure we got a decade’s worth of it - but don’t ask me to waste more time. Please. Not when it comes to you.”

Your eyes held his as you reached a hand forward and carefully, delicately, cupped his cheek, your thumb tracing his cheekbone. He brushed his lips against the inside of your wrist, feeling the flutter of your pulse against his mouth.

“Think we can figure it out?” You asked. You sounded so uncertain, so afraid.

Joel’s large hand covered your own, holding you against his chin.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “With you, think we can figure anything out.”

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #send asks #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #lavender #smut fic #joel miller x oc

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