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shu-porang-porang · 9 months ago

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Love Me Until I Love Myself

♡♡♡ Minho wants to make sure you know he loves you ♡♡♡

Pairs: Lee Minho (Lee Know) / fem!reader

Rating: Explicit

Theme: Angst, Fluff, Smut, 18+ NO MINORS.

Warnings: oral (female receiving), fingering, nipple play, unprotected sex (do not try at home!), reader is insecure and doesn't like herself

Word count: 3 k

You and your boyfriend are on the ride back home from an awards show after party. It was exhausting. You used to think they must be fun, getting to chat and party with celebrities, but nope. You’re not built for this. You wonder how he could do it, especially after performing those taxing choreos. You could never. All night he was so bubbly and cheerful, while you tried to hide in shadows and attract as little attention as possible. Well, it’s not like people cared about you anyway, you were an outsider, a peasant who was offered a chance at a royal ball.

Halfway through it you questioned why you even accepted to participate, and then right away, you remembered why. Another girl approached him, congratulating him on their win and talking about memories you weren’t a part of, laughing at inside jokes you couldn’t understand. Of course, he would be comfortable with these girls, they’re coworkers after all! He’s known some of them for ages, way before you guys met, and of course you had no right to tell him to stay away from them or anything. The best you could do was to stick around, so the girls were aware of you as his girlfriend, or he knew you were there, lest he decided to do something naughty with one of them...

You know you’re being unreasonable; you know he’s loyal, and they’re just friends, some of them are even like his little sisters, but you can’t get these thoughts out of your head. Your insecurities won’t let you. After all, those girls are famous idols, loved by millions, always so dolled up and pretty, acting cute and shit. You think it’s just a matter of time before Minho realizes the timid plain you ain’t good enough for a star like him. Although he always fondly smiles at your dorky made up dance moves, you think some performer who could actually dance and shared his passion for dancing would be more appealing to him. You feel you lack a lot, and you can’t justify why someone like him would be interested in someone like you.

You feel pathetic. You let out a sigh subconsciously and Minho gently puts a hand on your thigh, asking if you’re ok. You reply with a nod and a weak smile. You’re afraid if you try to talk, tears may spill. His hand remains on your thigh, so you hold it to calm yourself down. His soft hand that you love so much. You love everything about him, you’re crazy about him. You wish you didn’t love him so much, then he couldn’t one day break your heart. You wish you were another person, well, you wished that almost your entire life until you met him. Having him, convinced you that you were alright, the person who you were and hated for so long, was the same person who got you to him, so it was alright. But here you are again, doubting yourself. You think you’re just broken and can never be fully fixed. So maybe it wouldn’t be fair to expect him to stick with you…

You arrive at Minho’s place. You moved in with him a few months back, so it’s technically your place too, but you don’t dare to indulge yourself in that idea, you think you don’t deserve it, you’ll lose it soon, so better to not get attached, but it’s already too late.

Home, at last. As soon as you enter, you are greeted by the cats. Minho picks one up cooing at it. You walk past by him into the bedroom. You just wanna rid yourself of the party attire and go to sleep, right now the only thing that could stop your train of horrible thoughts is sleep.

Minho joins you soon after, walks towards you and wraps his arms around you from behind as you’re taking your jewelry off in front of the mirror. He nuzzles his nose against your neck, inhaling your scent.

“Hey let go, I’m tired. Just wanna get out of this dress and go to bed.”

“But I want you to stay in this dress a bit longer. You looked so pretty tonight, babe” he leaves kisses on your exposed shoulder that make your breath hitch in your throat. But you’re still upset about the bleak night you had.

“Oh, is that why you spent the whole time talking to other girls while I was sitting right there?” Your bottled up emotions force you to blurt out.

He lifts his head up, looking you in the eyes through the mirror. His expression is baffled, he’s trying to figure out what he did wrong.

“What are you talking about? I thought we had a nice time there!”

“Well, you obviously had, giggling with them all night.”

You try to break free from his arms but he won’t budge.

“Hey! You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s exactly wrong.”

You try to form sentences that would explain why you’re feeling like this, but you feel stupid for bringing it up in the first place. You break into tears as you’re tired and helpless and don’t even know how to make sense of your feelings. Silent tears start streaming down your cheeks, you’re never one to sob loudly. Worries written all over his face.

“Baby tell me. What did I do? Did someone say something to you?”

You shake your head “no”. He lifts you up and carries you to bed, sitting you on his lap. You show no resistance, your hands are balled up on your lap and your head is down, trying to cover your crying face with the lose strands of your hair, which he tucks behind your ear immediately. His thumb is caressing your tear-stricken cheek. His other hand is soothingly massaging your thigh.

“It’s okay baby, you can talk to me. Please. It really hurts me to see you like this and not be able to do anything about it. Tell me what’s wrong sweetie. We’re gonna fix it together.”

You don’t wanna hurt him. Hurting him is the last thing you would do. So, you try to fight the tears and speak.

“I… seeing you tonight… the girls all pretty and talented… the things you have in common… how close you are… I wonder… how long… till you realize……….”

“Till I realize what baby?”

“I’m not… good enough” your voice is shaky, again on the verge of tears.

He’s in disbelief. His mouth slightly agape in shock. His grip on your waist tightens.

“Why would you even think that?” he says as if asking himself, not really waiting for a response from you.

His brows are furrowed. He’s thinking to himself.

“I get it now. You were sitting right there, and I kept talking to other people as if you weren’t. But I just thought you weren’t taking part in conversations coz you didn’t want to be bothered… but you actually felt excluded from them. Is that right?”

“Almost. That alone wasn’t a problem, but it made me think you deserve to be with someone who’s more like them and less like me…”

“Woah! Where did you get that from?”

“You’re too good for me… it can’t be right. I’m afraid you’re wasting your time with me…”

“Hey! You don’t get to decide that for me! Do you think I couldn’t have any of those girls if I wanted? The thing is, I don’t want them, I want you.”

“Why do you even love me? Even I can’t love myself…”

“Where should I begin? I love everything about you, and I make that my first priority from now on, to make you see all the things I love in you, and to make you love them too.” He finishes his sentence with a soft kiss on your collarbone.

He plants a few more kisses on the expanse of your chest before pulling back and looking into your glossy eyes. You give him a thankful smile as your hands reach for his nape and pull him in for a kiss. His lips feel like heaven against yours, soft and plump. The kiss starts with languid movements of your mouths. Neither of you are in a hurry, you both need to savor this moment. He drags his tongue on your bottom lip and you let it in. As your tongues are dancing, the temperature rises. His hand that was on your waist, travels up to grope at your clothed breast, the other hand is tangled in your hair, keeping your head in place for him to abuse your lips.

He lays you on your back on the bed, momentarily disconnecting your lips which makes you whimper in loss. It encourages him to get back to kissing with even more fervor. His hands are pulling the straps of your dress down, trying to gain access to your breasts. He trails kisses down your jaw and across the column of your neck, to your shoulders and collarbone. They alternate between feather like pecks to purplish hickeys. He can’t decide what he wants. He wants it all, he wants all of you, he can’t get enough.

He stops to admire his work of art. A hand cups your cheek gently which you lean into, closing your eyes.

“You’re so perfect baby,” He plants a kiss to your forehead. “Even in my wildest imaginations I couldn’t picture someone this pretty,” Another kiss to your nose. “Inside and out.”

You open your eyes to see his lovingly stare back. You pull him in for another taste of his lips.

“So, do you still wanna get rid of this dress?”

“I do, if you want to.”

“As gorgeous as you look, I can’t wait to see what’s underneath.”

He takes it off and your left in nothing but your black lace panties. You tug at his dress shirt, signaling him to take it off too, which he complies, followed by the unbuckling of his belt and his pants follow suit.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I want you to never forget that.” He says as he hovers over you once again. You open your arms to invite him into your hug. He lowers his body onto yours, slightly circling his hips against your crotch. You feel him twitch in his boxers.

“We don’t have to do it if you’re not in the mood, you know.” He says searching your eyes.

“I want it baby, I need you, I really do.” You say as your hands are mapping his toned chest.

With a little smirk on his lips, he goes back to business. He kisses your chest, right above your racing heart, then latches his mouth to your left nipple. He sucks and bites at it till its raw, while trying to give the same amount of attention to the right one between his fingers. You squirm beneath him as your nipples get too sensitive and can’t handle more. He gets the cue and snaps out of his uncontrollable desire to ruin them. Instead, he gives them both kitten licks and pecks in turn, to compensate for the rough treatment they just received.

Moving down your naval, he’s all soft and sweet with butterfly kisses, loving pecks and whispering sweet nothings in between. He’s slotted between your thighs as he reaches your core. Eyes darting up to ask for your permission one last time before he’s completely unstoppable. You give him a nod and he places a kiss to your clothed mound. He teases by nudging his nose to your clit and licking a stripe from your hole to it. Tasting the arousal leaking through the fabric, he lets out a satisfied hum that sends shivers up your spine. You’re growing impatient but he’s taking his sweet time with peppering your inner thighs with kisses and hickeys. You feel more of your juices flowing out and you buck your hips up.

“Stay still princess. Let me take care of you, hm?”

“Minho… please…” You whine. You trust him that he’ll take good care of you, but you can’t wait anymore.

He finally gets rid of your panties and the cool air hits your pussy, followed by warm puffs of his breath.

“So pretty… all mine” He says before diving down and starting to make out with your pussy lips. The lewd noises that fill the room make you forget why you were even upset earlier. The only thing you don’t like about this moment is how little pressure he’s putting on your clit, enough to keep your juices flowing, but not enough to make them gush out all at once. You’re a moaning mess, your fingers pulling at his roots, trying to keep his face close to your core. He’s finally sucking at your clit, suddenly the pleasure gets overwhelming as he inserts two fingers inside you. You feel the knot in your stomach tightening to a snap. A few more strokes of his tongue and your coming undone. Your thighs shake around his head, one of his hands comes up to fondle your breast, his mouth still attached to your core, drinking the elixir of life straight from the fountain. He waits for you to ride your orgasm before he crawls back on top and gives you a taste of yourself. His mouth and chin are glistening with your juices. What a sight to see! You feel extremely lucky to be the one who caused this scene.

“That was …amazing… Thank you” you say while trying to find the normal rhythm of your breath.

“I told you I know how to take care of my girl.”

“Now it’s your turn.” You push him on his back and now you’re on top.

First thing you do is taking his boxers off and finally freeing his aching cock. You wonder how he managed to focus on pleasuring you while he was this hard. The sight alone makes you all turned on again. You thought you’d need more time to build a second orgasm, but you’re already throbbing.

Now it’s your turn to mark him, to shower him with kisses, to try and pour as much love as possible onto your every touch. Starting from the sensitive spot on his neck, you know you can’t mark him here, still you suck it a bit harsher than you should. You leave open-mouthed kisses all over his chest and where it is safe, give him a few hickeys too. You lovingly kiss the scar on his abdomen, the fact that it’s another thing that only a few have seen and you’re one of those few, is really endearing to you.

His member is twitching between your bodies. You slide your wet pussy on it, earning a groan from him. You decide he deserves a quicker release, so you stop grinding to hold it and align it with your entrance but he stops you.

“Wait baby. Let me do it.” He says as he’s stopping your hips from moving.

You’re confused but you go with it. He gets on top again.

“Tonight is about showing my baby how much I love her.” He says with a fond smile.

“I wanna make sure everything feels good for you.” He puts a pillow under your hips to gain a better angle. He inserts the two fingers from before in your pussy, checking how wet you are and scissoring them to loosen the muscles.

“Minnie I’m fine… it’s not my first time…” you try to say in between gasps as his fingers alone are doing wonders inside of you.

“Oh but it is sweetheart. I’m gonna love you all over again.” He inserts a third finger.

“Gonna make sure to give you all the love you deserve.”

He clashes his lips to yours as he replaces his fingers with the tip of his cock. The stretch is pleasant, you want more of it. You moan in his mouth as he slowly inches inside you until he finally bottoms out. He stays still, your warmth engulfing him, turns his brains to mush.

He whispers in your ear: “I love you so much”

He starts moving as he nibs at your earlobe, giving you words of praise now and then. Your arms wrap impossibly tight around his shoulders, leaving no space between your chests.

He slowly picks up his pace. Your nails are digging to his biceps now. Beautiful moans fill the room. His lips won’t leave your skin for more than 3 seconds. He pats down your left arm till he reaches your hand and your fingers intertwine as if they have brains of their own. He pins it above your head and his other hand is beside your head, supporting his weight as his movements get faster and less precise.

“ ’m close…” you manage to let out.

“Go ahead… I’m right… behind you”

A few more thrusts and you’re second orgasm hits you as your head falls back and your eyes screw shut, his name like a prayer on your lips. You’ve made a habit out of saying his name every time you came or it wouldn’t feel right.

As your walls convulse around him, he can’t hold it back anymore. Ropes of white hot liquid paint your walls. He collapses on top of you. He tries to pull out but you stop him.

“Wanna stay connected to you a bit more…” You wish you could merge with him into one person, but having him inside a bit longer, would do too.

His head finds its place in the crook of your neck. One of your hands is in his hair and the other is resting on his back. You whisper a “I love you” to his hair and kiss the top of his head and he lets out a sigh. You don’t want this moment to end. If he can love you this much, maybe you should give it a try too.

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dazzlingjaeyun · 1 month ago

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𝐢𝐜𝐞-𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 – 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐧

figure skater!sunghoon x fem!reader

genre: brother's rival, mostly angst & some fluff

warnings: poor figure skating references cause i have no clue lol, slow burn (sort of), insecurities, mentions of injuries, skinship, curse words

word count: 13k

author's note: the names of the other characters in the story do not refer to any idols or irl people, i just needed names lol

↝ dazzlingjaeyun's bookshelf

‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊

there was something about park sunghoon that had you keeping your eyes on him throughout the entirety of his practice. maybe it was the fact that he was insanely good at what he was doing, or because he was insanely good-looking.

in fact, you'd been admiring him for quite some time – which you would never, ever, admit. cause what the hell would you tell your brother?

you remembered his reaction when you had told him you had a crush on his best friend – a silly prank you were forced to pull on him during a round of truth or dare at a party. you preferred to not find out how he'd react if you told him the same about the guy he called his rival. especially if it was not a prank this time.

to be fair, you found their entire 'rivalry' a bit childish, knowing that it was solely based on sunghoon always snatching the gold medal from your brother by scoring just a few points more.

however, paying close attention to the way he slid over the ice with such smoothness, making even the most difficult moves look effortless, you understood why he always left your brother in the second place.

"ready to lose on saturday?" his mocking voice echoed through the big hall, reminding you of the reason you were here in the first place. the first competition after your long break of figure skating. the thought of it made you equally excited and nervous. you'd had a long time to practice, but could you really go back to how good you used to be after all that had happened?

although thoughts and doubts started clouding your mind, his question made you wonder; why would he care if you lost, you weren't competing against him, after all.

"i know me and my brother look alike, but we're not that similar," you tried to sound tough, but only realized how awkward the words came out after they already had.

you mentally cursed yourself when you saw the right corner of his lip curl up into a smile that mirrored the sneering tone of his question before. he came to a halt in front of you, only the railing, on which he rested his arms, separating you. he leaned forward just a little. "right, you're better," he replied with an undefinable expression and a short chuckle, which made you question if his words were meant to be sarcastic or genuine.

although you usually admired him for the confidence he radiated, now, you may as well say you hated it – hated how small it made you feel, especially when he was so close and towered over you by a good couple of centimeters.

his dark orbs found yours, keeping steady eye contact for a painfully long moment. you didn't want to give in, not willing to give him the satisfaction of backing down, although on the inside, everything screamed at you to look away. the corners of sunghoon's eyes crinkled slightly as his lips, once again, curled up into that mischievous smile.

he was aware of the discomfort that was building up behind your seemingly strong demeanor, you were sure of that. and he found it amusing. no wonder your brother couldn't stand him.

sunghoon pushed himself up from the railing, straightening his posture. "is your partner gonna come, or..." he asked, after looking around the hall.

"yeah, he said he'll be late by five minutes," you replied, hoping that the announcement of jisung's arrival would make sunghoon pack his bags and leave the ice rink for the rest of the day. but when he didn't seem to move, you quickly added "coach reserved the rink for us so–"

"do you still skate with him, by the way?" sunghoon interrupted, not seeming to care about leaving.

knowing exactly what he was aiming at, you narrowed your eyes a bit, crossing your arms in front of your chest. "yes," you replied shortly and sternly, hoping he'd take the hint and not dig deeper.

sunghoon, however, raised an eyebrow and looked at you with a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "seriously? after all that happened?"

you should have known he wouldn't drop the topic, yet it made your stomach slowly burn with anger. why did he have to talk about it now? so shortly before the competition, and after you had put so much hard work into regaining not only your abilities, but most importantly the trust you had always blindly put in jisung.

"it's none of your business, park," you snapped.

"he's the reason you almost lost your dream, y/n," sunghoon replied dryly, clearly not affected by the sudden change in your demeanor, "it's almost a miracle you're here now."

as if on autopilot, your brain replayed the day you had tried so hard to shove to the back of your mind – to forget. the day you were so close to chasing your dreams, so close to winning the most important competition up to that point in your life. the day not only the win slipped away, but your entire career was too close to do the same. you knew sunghoon was right, it was a miracle you were here. that you were even standing.

"you know," sunghoon's voice snapped you back to reality, "i would have never dropped you," he said – loud enough for jisung, who had just come in, to hear too. sunghoon finally left the ice, changing to his sneakers and shooting the other boy a glance with an emotion you couldn't quite make out, before he walked off.

your eyes followed him until he was out of sight – your mind still tangled in the thoughts of your body crashing down on the ice heavily, leaving you with a broken leg and several fractures along your spine.

"hey, are you okay?" jisung asked once he was close enough to you. he knew exactly what was wrong, his guilt still fresh despite the months that had passed since the day he hadn't paid enough attention – the day that he had accidentally let go of you, responsible for your heavy injuries that suspended you from ice skating for several months.

when you didn't react, he tried again, "i–... i practiced a lot, i improved! you know that, we've been practicing together the past weeks, we've been fine, you–... you'll be fine. i won't let anything happen to you another time!" he blurted out. his effort in trying to reassure you, however, stayed unsuccessful.

you wordlessly changed from your sneakers to your ice skates, your mind still captured by sunghoon's words.

throughout the entire practice, you couldn't shake the thoughts off. it made you lose focus, made your movements sloppy – too slow, too fast, too incorrect. you felt the pressure inside of you building up more and more with each piece of guidance your coach gave, her voice growing more frustrated with each word.

it was just practice, there was nothing that could happen now, you tried to remind yourself.

but when jisung's arms wrapped around your waist to help with the lift, and your legs left the ground, your heart pounded violently in your chest. blood rushed in your ears as your body tensed up completely – every muscle inside of you froze, and jisung noticed immediately, forcing himself to stop.

he tightened his grip around your waist and carefully lowered you back onto the ice before you could drop. your legs wobbled slightly as they touched down again, and you tried to regain control. you closed your eyes, inhaling deeply, desperate to calm the storm inside of you and keep the tears from welling up. you couldn't afford to break down now.

your breath hitched when you felt his hand on your shoulder. you hadn't realized jisung had let go of your waist, or how he was now standing in front of you, concern written all over his face.

"are you okay?" he asked softly, but before you could answer, the coach's voice cut through the air.

"take a break, guys!" she called out, clearly frustrated, her eyes lingering on you. you could feel her gaze heavy with expectation and disappointment, and the pressure inside of you only grew bigger.

you exhaled sharply, slid across the ice until you reached the exit, and sat down on a bench. you knew you had to get yourself together, you knew you had only another week. and while a gold medal was for sure out of reach at your first competition after your long hiatus, you didn't want to make a fool of yourself either.

jisung stayed on the ice, his face slowly dropping as he saw you sitting on the bench, looking so vulnerable, so fragile. he sighed softly, before slowly approaching you.

"can i sit?", he asked and sat down once he saw you nodding. "y/n, i know we had... we had our problems," he fiddled with his hands, "and if you cannot find trust in me again, i can totally understand that... we can still cancel the competition," he said, his voice soft and careful, as if he was making sure to not jump to conclusions too quickly.

for the first time since you had sat down, you raised your head to look at him. "it's just..." you looked down again, feeling almost too embarrassing to face him, "it's all going so fast, jisung. and i'm still so insecure," the volume of your voice decreased with each word.

you felt his warm hand on yours, his thumb stroking against your skin a few times, before he gave your hand a gentle, yet reassuring squeeze. "we have almost a week," he said calmly, "we still have time to practice and we'll find our rhythm again, okay?"

when you looked up at him again, you saw a soft smile on his lips. you nodded slowly, stood up, and headed back to the ice.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

throughout the week, you found yourself at the ice rink more often than not, spending hours and hours practicing with jisung – until both of you were so exhausted that you physically couldn't do more. with each time, the two of you grew more confident.

"okay, you're good for today," you hear your coach announcing after going through the choreography uncountable times. you exhaled, relieved that you could finally finish practice for that day. as you were catching your breath, you looked at your coach with anticipation, waiting for her feedback.

"you're both improving," she began. a small weight lifted from your shoulders. she didn’t sound particularly impressed, but after years of practice under her guidance, you were familiar with her indifferent tone. praise from her was rare; she often said she didn't want to let it get to your head. "however," she looked at you, "you're still not confident, y/n. and it shows a lot. you have to trust jisung if you don't want to fail on saturday."

you just nodded, not able to object. she was right after all. you would have loved to say you trusted him fully again - but whenever he had to hold you, you'd tense, your breath getting stuck in your throat.

"jisung, you're free to go. y/n, you stay. change your shoes and wait on the side," she announced. you could feel jisung next to you shooting you a quick look before he looked back at the coach, and the two of you nodded in synch.

you took a moment to sit and reflect on the feedback, replaying it in your mind. when you finally decided to change your shoes, jisung approached you, already changed and with his bag slung over his shoulder.

"are you okay?" he asked, his voice low. it was like you could hear the apologetic look he had in his eyes, even without meeting his gaze. you nodded again. "i'm sorry," you mumbled, "i'll get myself together before the weekend."

jisung flashed a sad smile, taking your hands in his and pulling you up from the bench until you were standing in front of him, only to pull you into a short but tight hug. you reciprocated his action, softly clinging onto his shirt even when he wanted to let go. "stay," you whispered against his chest.

hugging him felt natural. the two of you had been close before your injury, you had always gotten along – it was sort of a must since you were spending all your afternoons together. his embrace was comforting, especially with all the pressure weighing on you.

when you finally pulled away, you almost overlooked the faint pink tint on jisung's cheeks. he glanced down at you and cleared his throat. "do you need a ride? i can wait for you outside," he offered, but you shook your head. "who knows how long she's going to keep me here," you replied, keeping your voice low enough so your coach couldn't hear. jisung chuckled slightly and nodded. "fine, but don't go alone if it's getting late. you can call me."

"i'll ask hyuk, don't worry," you smiled, before waving to him to signal him that it was okay to leave. he turned around and left, not without turning back and giving you another quick, reassuring smile, as if he wanted to tell you to not worry for what was still to come this evening.

"haeun and sunghoon are coming to practice," your coach stated as she approached you, "they're very good. i want you to watch them. understand their chemistry and the trust they have in each other," she requested, and you responded with an eager nod. "i want you to put that into your next practice with jisung."

as if on cue, you heard two voices coming closer. you couldn't quite understand what haeun and sunghoon were talking about, but from their faces you understood that their conversation must have been carefree. they were exchanging smiles and laughter, and you started wondering if you had ever seen sunghoon genuinely smile before.

"are you going to leave or…" sunghoon's voice interrupted your thoughts. you furrowed your brows. "couldn't have phrased it nicer," you mumbled more to yourself than to him.

before sunghoon could reply, your coach chimed in, "i told y/n to watch your practice to learn from you. take it as a compliment and don't disappoint her, i spoke highly of you."

"but..." haeun crossed her arms in front of her chest, "isn't she going to be at advantage on saturday? i mean, she'll know our moves and everything."

now, what sunghoon had said a few days ago suddenly made perfect sense. he had asked you if you were ready to lose because you were, in fact, competing against him. a flutter of unease settled in your stomach. both haeun and sunghoon were extremely good, they were usually at the top in their solo performances, so them competing together in pair skating made perfect sense. but that also meant you'd face a greater challenge; competing against them meant your insecurities and mistakes would stand out even more against their flawless performance.

"don't worry," sunghoon replied to haeun, but his gaze was fixed on you. "her injury set her back months – physically and mentally. she can't compare to us."

you bit your inner cheek to not snap a harsh comment back at him.

the sharp sound of blades cutting into the ice filled the air as they started their routine. as you watched them practice, it became increasingly clear that sunghoon was right. you understood not only their chemistry and trust, you mostly understood how far behind you were – that you'd stand no chance against them.

their practice went on for what felt like forever, and the more time passed, the more your mood dropped. for an outsider, it would have been pure bliss to watch them, but for you it felt like torture – like you were forced to watch them, not for inspiration as to what you could be, but as an reminder of everything you were not.

you had to admit you were jealous. you wished you were able to put the same trust in jisung that haeun seemed to have in sunghoon, and if you were honest, you didn't know what was holding you back. your accident had been so long ago and you could tell that jisung was way more stable now. ever since you'd started again, he hadn't given you a single reason to be worried. and yet, you couldn't trust him, even though you wanted to so bad.

your disappointment began to intertwine with a rising sense of guilt as you recalled the way jisung’s expression would shift whenever he sensed your worries. and the way he'd still apologize, even after so many months, seemingly never really getting over the fact that you'd almost had to end your career, just because his attention had slipped for a second.

"you going home or are you gonna stay here all night?" sunghoon's voice startled you.

you looked around, trying to collect your thoughts, and realizing only then that the hall had emptied except for the two of you, and your impatient-looking coach waiting to lock the doors.

"yes, i..." you started and pulled out your phone to check the time, "i'll call hyuk."

sunghoon shrugged, before making his way towards the exit. you scrolled through your call history until you found your brother's contact, quickly clicking on it as you rushed toward the door behind sunghoon, offering a brief goodbye to your coach.

the cold night air hit you with an unexpected force, and although you were wearing your jacket, your body started to shiver slightly. you wrapped your free arm around yourself, while keeping your phone close to your ear with the other, waiting for the beep-sounds to get replaced by your brother's voice.

sunghoon walked to his car, threw his bag on the backseat and sat down behind the steering wheel, starting the engine but not driving off. he looked at you, furrowing his eyebrows when you continuously lowered your phone and tapped around, only to bring it up to your ear again. he sighed, before hesitantly rolling down the window.

"you need a ride?" he asked, just loud enough for you to hear.

you immediately shook your head, to which the lines between sunghoon's eyebrows only deepened more. "your brother doesn't seem to pick up," he stated the obvious.

"no shit, sherlock," you mumbled, rolling your eyes, "i'll call jisung, you can go home."

"and wait in the cold until he's here? you're shaking," he objected, and when he realized the words sounded more worried than he had intended, he quickly added, "might as well make use of it now that i already decided to be kind for once."

you sighed, weighing the options that you had and frowned on the inside when you had to admit he was right. if it hadn't been cold and you hadn't been freezing so much, there was no way you'd set foot in his car. but you started to feel like the cold air went under your skin and you really didn't want to wait for jisung, let alone burden him by calling, so you wordlessly walked over to sunghoon's car and opened the passenger door.

he gave you a short nod, as if to confirm that you could sit down. once you were sat and had the seatbelt fastened, sunghoon fiddled around with some buttons, before pulling out of the parking lot. for the first time in hours, your muscles started to release all the tension you had been holding, when you slowly felt your seat getting warmer.

"better?" sunghoon asked, shooting you a quick glace, before focusing on the street again. you nodded and responded with a quiet "better" that almost came out as a whisper, "thanks, sunghoon."

"no need. just tell me how to get to your place," he replied dryly.

the both of you stayed silent throughout the entirety of the ride, except for the directions you gave him. it felt uncomfortable – like the awkward tension would suffocate you any second. while you were keeping your head slightly turned to look outside the window, sunghoon's eyes flashed back and forth between you and the road from time to time.

"you can just drop me off here," you announced once he took the turn into your street. he clicked his tongue "i already came all the way here, i won't die driving to the end of the street as well. besides..." he looked around, "your neighbourhood looks creepy, not gonna lie."

"whatever you say," you mumbled in response, not wanting to argue, but too proud to agree with him either.

you thanked him again once he pulled up in front of your house, double and triple checked that you didn't forget anything in his car and quickly rushed to your front door, hearing him drive off not before you had unlocked the door.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

as saturday rolled around, you found yourself warming up, feeling even more tense and nervous than you had originally thought. although the last days before the competition had gone really well, you couldn't shake the thought off your mind that you might mess everything up.

jisung was standing next to you, putting one hand on your shoulder and squeezing gently. "we got this, okay? don't worry, y/n, i got you," he tried to calm you down, shoving his own nervousness to the back of his mind.

without even realizing, you softly leaned into him, finding comfort in his touch, finding stability, something to hold onto in his mere presence. that's when you thought you could do it, thought you might be able to overcome your fears and shove aside the thoughts that kept creeping up on you.

but when it was time to perform that one jump, only some minutes later, you realized you had been wrong - once again. you froze, your widened eyes searching for jisung, who nodded in approval, trying to reassure you. if this was practice, you'd stop right there and then, but this wasn't practice and you couldn't afford to just quit and run away. in the end, it was the pressure that drove you when you aimed for the jump, way too hesitantly, way too half-heartedly. you could feel jisung trying his best to compensate your lack of power, but he alone couldn't turn the tide. and so you ended your performance – without injuries, but with a huge gap between what you could have done, and what you had delivered in the end.

"it's fine," you heard him whisper while you were still in your ending pose, waiting for the judges to announce the end.

you slid wordlessly across the ice towards the exit, stepped out, and headed to the changing room. once inside, you sat down and stared at the floor, time seeming to stretch on endlessly. with a heavy sigh, you bent down, removed your ice skates, and replaced them with your shoes. pulling your hoodie over your uniform, you stayed seated, unable to stand – unprepared to face the world outside, unwilling to hear the inevitable comments.

your vision began to blur, and though you would have usually blinked the tears away, this time, you let them fall freely. you couldn’t keep bottling up your emotions. silent tears ran down your face, interrupted only by the occasional soft sob.

"y/n?" your brother’s voice startled you from the other side of the door. he knocked gently, pushing it open slightly when you didn’t respond. seeing you, he sighed and opened his arms, silently offering a hug.

without a word, you walked into his embrace, feeling his arms tighten around you as he gently stroked your back. "it’s okay, you did well," he whispered, trying to comfort you, but you only managed a muffled scoff against his chest.

"i completely messed up at the end, hyuk," you muttered, pulling away to face him. "i really thought i could do it this time, but... i want to trust jisung, i really do, but i just can't," you admitted, your voice breaking with each sob.

hyuk gently patted your head. "i know, i know… you did well up until that point. it’s okay to be scared. maybe you just need more time. don’t be so hard on yourself," he said softly.

"come on, let’s head back out. i can’t wait to see sunghoon get beaten by the other team. i’m sure they scored higher than him and haeun," he teased, making you smile despite the state you were in. you nodded in agreement, feeling just a little lighter.

as you watched them indeed take second place, you couldn’t help but chuckle softly at your brother’s expression. “now it’s your turn to finally beat him. if someone else can do it, so can you,” you teased, drawing a smile from him. normally, he would’ve made a jab about you not beating him either, but today he kept those thoughts to himself, simply glad to finally see you smile.

you watched as your coach approached haeun and sunghoon, congratulating them, before gesturing for sunghoon to join her on the side for another conversation. you could see his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, the smile that had been plastered on his face for getting yet another medal dropping quickly. had she complained they only made it to the second place? you hadn’t seen their performance, but you couldn’t picture sunghoon making a mistake so grave that it would cost them the win.

when his gaze met yours, a chill ran through you, and you were certain you’d be a goner if looks could kill. you quickly averted your gaze, determined to focus on anything but him, yet you could still feel his eyes practically piercing holes through your body.

“y/n,” you heard your coach call as she approached you. you turned to face her, peeking over her shoulder to see sunghoon talking to haeun, who was now standing next to him, but still glaring at you.

“after today, i think you need to start rebuilding your trust, not just in your partner, but in yourself, or you'll end up locking up every movement at some point,” she began. you nodded, fully aware that it was easier said than done.

“so, for the next few months, you'll focus solely on that. no new figures, no competitions at all. and you’ll switch partners. sunghoon will train with you until you feel comfortable again,” she announced, her voice firm and leaving no room for discussion.

your jaw dropped. out of all the people, she chose to pair you with sunghoon? your brother next to you mirrored your reaction, beginning to protest, but you tuned him out as the world around you fell silent, moving in slow motion as your gaze shifted to sunghoon again. the intensity of his glare and the clenching of his jaw spoke volumes; he wasn't thrilled about the decision either.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

when you arrived at practice the following week, you walked into the large hall with slumped shoulders. your frown deepened as you realized jisung was in fact not there. you had called him the night of the competition to share the news, even though your coach had already informed him. after all, this meant he would also be getting a new partner. you had apologized to him and the two of you had agreed to stay in touch, to not drift further apart as you'd get paired up together again after you'd overcome your struggles.

you approached your coach, who was already waiting. "y/n," she greeted you with a brief but warm smile. "if you'd like, we can go over some feedback from saturday until sunghoon arrives," she offered, and you nodded, though you knew it wasn't really a question – she probably would have done it anyway.

as she began giving feedback on your performance, you heard footsteps approaching. assuming it was sunghoon, you felt your muscles tense slightly, not quite ready to face him as your new partner.

“sunghoon,” your coach paused her feedback and turned to him. “both of you, warm up so we can begin,” she said, receiving a nod from both of you.

you started your usual routine of warm-up exercises and stretching, trying your best to ignore sunghoon and the displeased expression on his face that he didn't even bother trying to hide.

"are you ready to start?" he asked, and when you nodded, he replied dryly "good, cause i want to get this over with."

you sighed to yourself. "listen, i know you're not happy about practicing with me now. i don't want this either. but at least i'm not being a bitch about it. just cause you cannot stand my brother."

"this is not about your brother, y/n. i have to do double the work now, training with haeun and you, just cause you cannot get your shit together," he stated, his tone harsh.

you furrowed your eyebrows. his words were hurtful, but his ego was even more frustrating. "if i remember correctly, you were the one saying that jisung shouldn't be my partner anymore and that you'd never drop me," you reminded him of what he had said a couple of weeks ago.

"so? doesn't mean i want to be your partner," he responded.

"but you are for now," your coach chimed in, "so stop the bickering, both of you. you're not kids anymore. sunghoon, keep your energy for your solo practice and the one with haeun," she added firmly.

after your coach mentioned that you would go through the choreography you had prepared with jisung, both of you began without a word. admittedly, it was impressive to see how quickly sunghoon adapted to each move whenever your coach gave instructions. you knew the routine by heart, but he didn’t – and yet, he effortlessly picked up every one of your coach’s cues and executed them flawlessly.

when it was time for the first lift, a wave of uncertainty washed over you as he placed his hands on your waist. you hesitated for a moment, doubt creeping in, but his grip was firm, offering a sense of reassurance despite your uncertainty. "it will be fine," he whispered quickly, sensing your hesitation. however, as he lifted you up, your body tensed tightly, causing him to lower you back down gently.

your heart raced as you caught your breath, embarrassment flooding in. sunghoon looked at you with an unexpected sense of encouragement, a sharp contrast to his earlier coldness. "let’s try again," he said with an almost reassuring smile. this time, as he lifted you, his steady hold began to ease your nerves. he moved with precision, making sure you were balanced and secure. with each moment in the air, you felt his unwavering focus, which calmed any lingering doubts. while you still felt a hint of uncertainty, the exhilaration mixed with a sense of safety as he brought you back down gently.

feeling like you finally made a bit of progress for the first time in months, you couldn't stop a wide smile from spreading across your lips. sunghoon reciprocated your smile for a moment before returning to his nonchalant demeanor.

after a positive remark from your coach and her request to repeat the choreography, you practiced the moves over and over again. it felt as if the confidence that sunghoon radiated was enough to rub off on you as well.

after sunghoon successfully lifted you for the last move one more time, your coach called an end to your practice, and he lowered you back onto the ice. for a moment, you looked up at him with a soft smile before he slid back slightly to create a bit more space between you.

he cleared his throat. "you're already getting better," he remarked. you nodded slightly. "yes, but those were the easy ones... there's still a long way to go," you replied. he shrugged, "well, at least now you know you're not the problem, but he was."

you bit your lower lip, a sense of guilt washing over you, even though you knew his statement wasn’t entirely true. "you're very sure of yourself," you said, trying to make it sound like a joke.

"yeah, because it's the truth. in two hours, you’ve made more progress with me than with him in a week," he responded, his voice casual.

you lowered your gaze, looking at the floor as you quietly admitted, "i don't know why, but you made me feel safe today."

an odd feeling jolted through sunghoon at your words. why did you sound so vulnerable, especially in front of him? why did he suddenly feel the urge to comfort you, wanting to ensure you'd always feel safe? and, god, why was it so damn warm all of a sudden?

he cleared his throat. "just wanna get rid of you quickly," he attempted to sound nonchalant, but a soft smile slipped through.

his remark drew a chuckle from you, prompting you to look up again. it felt like his smile doubled his handsomeness, his sharp features softening, his eyes crinkling just a little at the corners.

just as you were about to say, "i'll see you tomorrow," the familiar sound of skates gliding across the ice interrupted you. haeun entered with a slight smile, ready for her practice with sunghoon. a pang of guilt hit you, knowing sunghoon still had at least four more hours of practice ahead. you gave him a short smile before you quickly turned around and made your way out, fighting the urge to turn back and sneak another glance at him.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

the next days passed in a blur. after classes, you'd go straight to the ice rink, and most of the times, sunghoon would already be there.

you weren’t sure when it happened, but the usual glare he used to give you had softened into a short, yet sincere smile, and it made your heart warm. it was comforting to know he didn’t hate you after all – or at least, he didn’t act like it.

sunghoon was gentle yet firm, encouraging you to push yourself a little more each practice without making you feel too uncomfortable. he'd hold you tight enough to make you feel secure, always letting you down gently when he sensed you were too tense, and asked your coach for breaks when you needed them.

sometimes, when you'd glance around the rink, you'd catch jisung watching from the sidelines, pretending to adjust his skates or talk to your coach, but his gaze stayed fixed on you and sunghoon.

sunghoon noticed too. you could tell by the slight tightening of his grip on your waist, the subtle shift in his stance whenever jisung was around. it irritated him in a way he didn’t quite understand. maybe it was the way jisung looked at you – like he still had some sort of claim on you. sunghoon didn’t say anything about it, but he found himself skating with more purpose when jisung was there, his movements more controlled, his touches just a little more protective. he wasn’t sure why, but every time he saw jisung, something inside him tensed, like he needed to make it clear that he was your partner now.

skating with sunghoon as your partner quickly became routine, faster than you'd expected. though every practice left you utterly exhausted, there was always a pang of sadness when your coach ended the session and sent you home. you told yourself it was just guilt, knowing that sunghoon would still be there practicing with haeun or by himself long after you had already left.

you could tell the two of you had been growing more comfortable around each other, but today’s practice felt different.

sunghoon stood a few feet away, adjusting his skates, his eyes catching yours for a brief second before flicking away. you felt a nervous flutter in your chest, an unfamiliar sensation that made you hesitate for a moment before stepping onto the ice. normally, you’d just go through the motions of practice – his hand guiding yours, his steady voice offering small corrections – but today, every little touch felt different. his hand felt warmer when it grazed yours, lingering just a moment longer than necessary.

“ready?” he asked, his voice lower than usual, as he held his hand out to you. there was nothing strange in the gesture, yet the simple act of slipping your hand into his felt different – like you were aware of every point where your skin met his. it wasn’t uncomfortable, but it made your pulse quicken for reasons you didn’t quite want to think about.

you had always thought sunghoon was attractive – that much had been obvious from the start. maybe, you even used to have a bit of a crush on him, but it was the kind of crush based purely on his looks. there was no way you'd ever actually like him. his personality wasn’t for you – he mocked you too much, was too serious, too distant, and he never got along with your brother, which only made things more complicated. whatever interest you had in him had always stayed shallow.

you nodded, focusing on your breathing. your fingers curled around his hand, and for a split second, you could’ve sworn his grip tightened just a little. nothing about it felt out of place, but it lingered, the warmth of his touch seeming to seep into your skin.

sunghoon, on the other hand, felt a slight shift too, though he wasn’t sure what to make of it. guiding you through practice had become second nature, and yet today, every move seemed to require a bit more concentration than usual. there was something about the way your hand fit in his that unsettled him, but he brushed it off.

he convinced himself it was just his body recognizing that the two of you were beginning to understand each other better – that you were becoming a stronger team. yet, deep down, he knew he had never felt this way with haeun throughout all the years he'd practiced with her. he tried to remain his focus on the routine, but every so often, his gaze flickered to you, lingering a second too long before he forced himself to look away.

when it came time for a lift, you braced yourself, ready for the momentary closeness that was part of the routine. but as his arms wrapped around your waist to lift you, his grip felt different – stronger, more careful, like he was holding you not just for the sake of the move but as if he was afraid of letting you go. your breath caught as you steadied yourself, the air around you feeling heavier, more tense. sunghoon's arms lingered around you for just a second longer than necessary, before he let you go and forced his focus back on the routine.

"you okay?" he asked softly.

you nodded, not trusting yourself to speak, and quickly looked away. you weren’t sure what was happening, but it was getting harder to ignore the way your skin buzzed in the places his hands had been.

when your coach called out a short break to catch your breaths, you took the opportunity to step back, feeling like you needed space to clear your head. but when sunghoon reached for you again, his fingers brushing lightly against your wrist, it sent a soft shiver down your spine.

“let’s try again,” he suggested, his voice steady but quieter than usual. you just nodded slightly and continued the practice, trying your best to focus on the routine and shove aside the strange feeling bubbling in the pit of your stomach.

at one point, he stumbled slightly while guiding you through a spin, and you found yourself pressed against his chest. his arms wrapped around you instinctively, holding you steady to prevent a fall. for a split second, the familiar panic rose within you. your heart raced as you looked up at him, your faces unnervingly close. the air suddenly felt thick. for a moment, neither of you moved, caught not only in what had happened, but in the unexpected closeness. he noticed the way your eyes had widened slightly, and a pang of guilt tightened in his chest.

“sorry,” he mumbled, the word barely escaping his lips. he didn’t pull away immediately; instead, his thumb brushed softly against your side, as if he hoped to offer some comfort.

your breath hitched at the unexpected contact, and you fought to suppress the whirlwind of feelings. you forced a smile, pretending everything was normal, even though it felt anything but.

“it’s fine,” you whispered, stepping back reluctantly, the warmth of his touch still lingering on your skin like a ghost. yet the weight of your fears hung in the air between you, unspoken but palpable, while he cursed himself internally for letting his concentration slip.

as the practice wore on, the tension didn’t go away. there were moments when he held you just a little closer than necessary, or when his breath hitched slightly as you twirled too close to him. the routine was the same, but everything else felt different – slower, more deliberate, like you were both aware of something simmering just beneath the surface, but neither of you wanted to face it.

when practice finally ended, you found yourself reluctant to let go. his hand lingered on you from the final pose of the choreography, and even though your coach had dismissed you, neither of you moved. it was as if the end of practice marked the return to reality, and neither of you wanted to step out of the small, intimate bubble you had somehow created.

“see you tomorrow?” he asked, his voice soft and almost hesitant.

you nodded, offering a small smile. “yeah… tomorrow.”

as you left the rink, you could still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin.

sunghoon watched as you disappeared from the rink, the warmth of your presence still clinging to the edges of his thoughts. after a short break, he moved onto practice with haeun, his body slipping into the familiar rhythm of their routine, their movements synchronized from years of skating together. yet, despite the familiar movements and haeun’s sharp focus, his mind kept drifting back to the moments before – the way your hand had felt in his, the quiet weight of your gaze when you had both hesitated to let go.

he shook his head, trying to push the thoughts away, but they clung stubbornly. he had never been this distracted before. not with haeun, where everything usually felt automatic, predictable. but now, the way your warmth had stayed with him seemed to disrupt his focus, like a thread pulling his attention in a direction he didn’t quite understand.

he stumbled slightly, just enough for haeun to notice. “everything okay?” she asked, her tone more curious than concerned.

“yeah,” he muttered, forcing a tight smile. “just tired.”

but as they continued through the rest of the routine, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something had somehow shifted. god, he couldn't wait to go home, take a long, hot shower, and shake off the happenings of the day.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

throughout the following practices, the tension between you and sunghoon only seemed to deepen. soft touches lingered a little longer each time, and there were stolen glances exchanged whenever you could risk them. most of the time, you’d both quickly look away, but sometimes, your eyes would lock – and something about the way he looked at you made it harder to pull away each time.

there were moments when, as soon as he broke eye contact, your stomach would drop ever so slightly, like the warmth and intimacy disappeared along with his gaze.

it felt like sunghoon began to find small ways to close the distance between you during practice. he’d guide you through spins with his hands resting on your waist, his touch firm but gentle. sometimes, he’d step a little closer than needed, his breath ghosting across your skin, or position himself so your arms brushed as you skated side by side. it was subtle, almost unintentional, but every touch and nearness sent a spark of awareness through you. you swore, once or twice he'd even tried to expand your practice time by 'just wanting to go through it one more time' although everything had worked out perfectly fine.

you still couldn't quite classify the fuzzy feeling in your stomach, the way your heart performed a small jump at each touch, but whatever it was, it became increasingly harder to ignore.

it even started clouding your mind outside of practice. more often than you'd liked to admit, you had found yourself thinking back about one certain look he'd given you, or how the slightest brush of his fingers against your skin had sent a shiver down your spine.

"you like him," your best friend had said, matter-of-factly, after you had mentioned it. but that was ridiculous. there was no way you could like sunghoon. you tried convincing yourself it was just the excitement of finally making progress on the ice again. and even if you did like him – though you definitely didn’t – it wouldn't matter. not with the tension between him and your brother, the way they could barely stand each other. getting involved with sunghoon would feel like a betrayal, a line you couldn’t cross. and yet, the thought nagged at you each time the fuzzy feeling returned.

just like now, standing in front of him after trying a new figure together for the first time. you had learned it with jisung before your injury, but until now, you’d only focused on regaining trust in the basics. you’d been nervous before the first attempt, but as you looked up at sunghoon, his soft smile seemed to melt all your worries away.

“well done,” he praised gently. you noticed the subtle twitch of his hand, like he wanted to reach out and pat your head but held back. your eyes met his, and for a brief moment, you swore there was something behind the happiness – a flicker of something you couldn’t quite name. you tried to brush it off, but found yourself searching his face, his posture, for clues of whatever it was you couldn’t place.

his shoulders seemed a little more slouched today, his smile not quite as bright, and his skin just a shade paler than usual. biting your lip, you furrowed your brows, a quiet concern creeping in.

“what’s wrong?” sunghoon asked, sensing the thoughts running through your mind.

“are you… are you okay?” you asked hesitantly, unsure if you were offending him.

sunghoon shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. “i’m fine,” he said lightly, as if to brush away your concern. it wasn’t entirely convincing, but you didn’t want to push him. so, you nodded, offering a faint smile in return. you forced yourself to accept his answer and let it go, for now, trying to quiet the worry that still tugged at the edges of your mind nevertheless.

over the next few days, it only seemed to get worse. sunghoon’s movements a little less precise, his usually sharp focus seemingly slipping here and there. whenever you asked, he’d brush it off with a smile and insist he was fine.

but the more he shrugged it off, the more that quiet worry in the back of your mind grew, as if it was trying to tell you something would happen. and it did happen. it happened so quickly, you barely had time to process it.

sunghoon’s hands, usually so steady and sure, faltered mid-lift. you felt his grip slip, and for a terrifying second, your balance wavered in the air. instinctively, you tightened your hold, your heart racing with slight panic. it wasn’t like him – he never made mistakes like this. sunghoon was always precise, always in control, and this slip was completely out of character.

your coach shouted, rushing over as sunghoon quickly adjusted, pulling you back down safely, but the moment had already passed, the weight of it settling deep in your chest. you glanced at him, breathless and shaken, catching the flicker of concern in his eyes before he quickly masked it with a tight-lipped smile. there was a hint of guilt there too – he knew this shouldn’t have happened, and he knew you noticed, knew the effect it must have had on you.

"maybe you should take a moment," your coach advised, her voice soft but her eyes stern. sunghoon's gaze was fixated on the ice, but he gave a short nod and slid towards the exit, sitting down on the nearest bench without another word.

you bit the inside of your cheek, a heaviness settling in your heart as you slowly followed him. the sight of him – clearly frustrated – pulled at you. you lingered by the bench for a moment, unsure if taking a seat would be crossing a line. but sunghoon quickly shifted to the side, creating space for you, silently signaling that it was okay to join him.

he kept his eyes on his feet, not daring to look up, the previous incident replaying in his mind.

"don't beat yourself up over that," you tried to soothen his obvious concerns with a soft voice, "it's fine."

"my moves weren't precise today. i already messed up my own elements, and now i put you in danger too," he replied, his voice low, but his frustration clearly evident.

"nothing happened, sunghoon," you said, mustering all your strength to not take his hand in yours and squeeze it comfortingly, "maybe you just need a break? is everything okay? like… in total," you suggested once more, subtly referring to the previous times you had asked about how he was doing, hoping that this time he might finally open up.

but he just nodded, before standing up, "i don't need a break; i need practice," he declared, ending the conversation before it had chance to bloom.

as he stepped back onto the ice, determination etched on his face, you couldn’t help but watch him closely. the way he moved was both graceful and strained, each stride echoing the tension that filled the air. you felt a knot tighten in your stomach as he began to practice the solo elements he had messed up earlier.

your heart raced with a mix of admiration and worry, each jump and spin a reminder of how much he was pushing himself. the intensity in his eyes was unwavering, but beneath it, you could see the shadows of something else lurking.

he attempted a particularly complex jump, the same one that had caused him trouble before. for a brief moment, it looked like he might conquer it, but then his form faltered, and your breath hitched. you saw him hesitate, an unfamiliar flicker of uncertainty crossing his features, and before you could call out, he stumbled.

time seemed to slow as you watched, helpless, your heart pounding in your chest. just as quickly as he had leaped into the air, he lost his balance completely. you gasped as he fell, the ice rushing up to meet him, and everything else faded away.

“sunghoon!” the panic surged through you as you rushed forward, the world around you blurring.

kneeling beside him, your hands hovered just above his shoulders, torn between the instinct to touch him and the paralyzing fear that gripped your heart. in that terrifying moment, clarity struck. all those signs he had shrugged off – the weariness in his eyes, the small mistakes he tried so hard to mask – must have been exhaustion from the endless hours of practice.

you felt your worries wash over you in waves again and again, feeling like they would drown you any time, as another realization hit you like a jolt of electricity: you were scared of something happening to him, of losing him. an unfamiliar ache settled deep within you, and it was in that moment that you understood – your best friend had been right all along; you liked him. you liked him in a way that twisted your heart and made your breath catch, and the thought terrified you even more.

“sunghoon, please,” you whispered, desperation coloring your voice as you gently shook him, praying he would respond.

your coach rushed beside you just split seconds later. "give him some space,” she instructed, her tone urgent. you stepped back, watching helplessly as she assessed the situation. you felt a wave of nausea wash over you, the reality of what had just happened sinking in.

moments felt like hours as you stood there, anxiety filling every inch of your body, until he finally fluttered his eyes open, sending a jolt of hope through you.

"sunghoon?" you asked, your voice slightly breaking, and you realized tears had started running down your face.

he blinked slowly, confusion clouding his gaze as he took a moment to focus on your face. his heart slightly dropped at the sight of you – a mixture of worry and fear written all over your tear-strained face. he opened his mouth, but you replied, before he could even pose the question.

"you fainted," you said, your voice shaking, "i got so scared."

his brows furrowed, guilt flashing in his eyes as he processed your words. “i’m sorry… i didn't mean to worry you,” he said, trying to sit up but clearly still disoriented.

"you can't keep pushing yourself like this," you said lowly, "it's too much, you have to take care of yourself," you tried your best to stay reasonable, to not let all your emotions mingle and take over you completely.

as he looked at you, the weight of everything hung between you like a fragile bridge, and you felt a shift in the air. vulnerability seeped through him, his expression softening as he realized the depth of your worry. he offered a faint smile, before grabbing your hand in his and giving it just the hint of a squeeze, unable to muster more strength.

his touch felt grounding, reassuring, despite the whirlwind of feelings swirling around inside you. for a moment, it felt like everything around you faded away.

"you've been improving so much, and i just wanted to nail the routine," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper, and you swore you could hear him adding a quiet "for you."

"you don't have to prove anything, hoon. you're good and you know it. it's okay to take breaks sometimes," you said softly, mindlessly running your thumb over the back of his hand.

sunghoon couldn't surpress a smile at the nickname and the way your soft touch lingered on his hand. "i'll listen to you sooner next time."

after helping him on his feet, your coach dismissed both of you, instructing sunghoon to get some proper rest and a few days off of practice.

the two of you exited the building in silence, not quite ready to let go of the intimate moment you'd shared just a few minutes ago, neither ready to address it, however. you offered to drive him home in his car, not wanting him to go behind the steering wheel so shortly after fainting – and sunghoon had to admit his attempt to reassure you to not worry was only half-hearted. he quickly let you convince him, giving you the keys and navigating you to his place.

as you pulled up to the building, sunghoon shifted in his seat, his gaze drifting toward the door as if contemplating something. once the engine was off, he turned to you, a hint of vulnerability in his eyes.

“do you want to... do you want to come in for a bit?” he offered softly, the invitation hanging in the air between you.

you hesitated, glancing at the front door as a wave of uncertainty washed over you. you wanted to, you really did. but then again, you couldn't. what if your brother found out? what would he think?

"um... i'm not sure," you quietly answered, looking down to avoid his eyes. sunghoon’s expression faltered for a moment, a flicker of disappointment crossing his face, but he quickly masked it. “i get it,” he said, his voice a little softer now. "but... can i ask you something?"

you nodded, curiosity piquing despite your reservations.

"why were you crying earlier?" he hesitantly posed the question.

you furrowed your eyebrows, "i was worried about you, i told you," you replied, trying to remain calm although your heart started to violently pound against your chest.

sunghoon’s gaze softened. “worried about me to the point of crying?” he echoed, as if trying to grasp the weight of your concern.

you hesitated for a moment, before slowly nodding your head yes.

"why?"

a simple question: one word that took you buy surprise, that left your head spinning. how could you possibly explain to him all the thoughts and feelings you’ve experienced over the past few weeks – how you felt when he touched you, or even when he simply looked at you?

sunghoon sensed your hesitation, wondering if he'd crossed a line – made you too uncomfortable. just as he was about to take back the question, you replied.

"because... because i think you mean more to me than i thought." your voice was low, as if embarassed by the confession.

he furrowed his brows, "what do you mean by that?"

you took a deep breath, before starting to blurt out everything that had been on your mind for so long. "honestly, i don't know myself. or at least i didn't, until i saw you fainting and i suddenly felt this strange fear of losing you. and that's when it hit me and i understood that i've been trying to ignore how i feel when you touch me, when we're close or when we just look at each other. but you make it so so hard to ignore it and–"

you interrupted yourself as you felt him taking your smaller hand in his bigger one, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver through you. only then did you realize all the things you had mindlessly said. "that must have sounded very stupid," you mumbled, your cheeks warming.

sunghoon chuckled softly. "it didn't sound stupid. i'm glad i'm not the only one feeling this way."

his words first brought a rush of surprise, then a flicker of relief, only to be crashed down by a wave of uncertainty. "but... hyuk–"

he squeezed your hand gently, silencing your worries with his touch yet again. "we don't have to figure everything out right now. let's just... take things slow and see where this goes?"

you hesitated, but replied with a nod and a soft smile.

your heart skipped a beat as you noticed him letting his gaze wander from your eyes down to your lips and back up. like magnets, both of you leaned in a little closer, your breath getting stuck in your throat as you felt his own breath fanning your lips.

sunghoon hesitated for a moment, his gaze drifting to back to your eyes, searching for any sign of hesitation. "can i... can i kiss you?"

you felt your heart pick up its pace as you nodded almost shyly.

he leaned in a little more, his lips softly brushing against yours, closing the space between them. the touch was tender, almost hesitant, yet it sent butterflies through your stomach as you reciprocated the gesture, finally letting everything you'd felt throughout the past weeks embrace freely.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

after confessing your feelings, you and sunghoon agreed to take things slow, not wanting to rush into anything complicated. it started with small moments – telling your brother you were meeting up with a friend, sneaking in quick kisses when no one was looking, your heart racing each time. the thrill of being together in secret made everything feel more intense, like something you should be careful with but couldn’t resist. the excitement of new love mixed with the adrenaline of knowing you couldn’t be caught. still, every time you met sunghoon like this, a part of you felt torn, guilt gnawing at you for going behind your brother’s back. but when sunghoon would glance at you with that soft look in his eyes or find your hand when no one was around, it was impossible to stop.

now, after another late practice, the two of you were tucked away in a quiet corner of the rink, his lips brushing against yours in a kiss that made your stomach flip. you pulled back, breathless. “we should stop,” you said, glancing over your shoulder. “practice is over. someone might see us.”

sunghoon’s hand lingered on the small of your back, tugging you just a little closer. “just a bit longer,” he murmured, eyes filled with something that made it hard to say no. “i don’t care if they see.”

you hesitated, torn between the rush of being with him and the thought of getting caught. “we can’t,” you whispered, even as your body leaned toward him again.

just as you were about to step back, you heard footsteps approaching. before either of you could react, a familiar voice broke the moment.

“hey,” jisung called out, his tone casual.

you quickly turned to face him, heart pounding in your chest. jisung smiled, stepping closer, his arm easily wrapping around you in a friendly hug. “good work today,” he said, holding you close for just a second too long. it was the kind of hug that might’ve seemed normal to anyone else, but you could feel sunghoon tense beside you, his eyes hardening as he watched.

“yeah, thanks,” you replied, doing your best to sound natural, your breath still shaky from moments ago. you gave jisung a quick smile, hoping to cover up the tension.

jisung finally let you go, throwing a glance at sunghoon before turning toward the changing rooms. “you guys deserve your weekend off now,” he said, walking away without a second thought.

as soon as he disappeared from sight, you let out a shaky breath, turning to sunghoon. “that was close,” you whispered, the tension still running high between you.

sunghoon shook his head, his lips pressing into a thin line. “too close,” he muttered, clearly not talking about almost getting caught.

when you got home, you dropped your bag in the hallway without a second thought and headed straight to the kitchen for a glass of water. your brother was sitting at the table, focused on his laptop, but he glanced up as you walked in.

"how was practice?" he asked.

the water nearly caught in your throat, even though his question wasn’t unusual. he always checked in, especially after your injury and now that you were paired with sunghoon.

"uh... it was good. coach said i’ll be ready to work with jisung again soon," you lied, forcing a tight smile.

hyuk mirrored your expression. "sounds good. i have an appointment near the rink on monday, so i can drop you off at practice if you want," he offered. you hesitated, knowing sunghoon was supposed to pick you up – from the bus stop to avoid suspicion – but you nodded. "yeah, that’d be great."

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

the weekend passed in a blur, and on monday, hyuk drove you to practice, the car filled with silence. you glanced out the window, trying to calm the flutter of nerves in your stomach.

when you arrived at the rink, hyuk parked and turned to you with a serious look. "i need to talk to coach about my own practice," he said. "you mind coming in with me?"

“sure,” you replied, trying to sound casual, even as you felt a knot form in your stomach at the serious look he was giving you.

as you stepped inside, the familiar sound of metal on ice surrounded you. hyuk led the way, but as soon as you entered the main rink area, he suddenly stopped, his gaze locking onto something. you followed his line of sight and your heart dropped. there, on the bench, was sunghoon, his back to you.

“sunghoon!” hyuk called, his voice sharp, and you instinctively felt the air thicken around you.

sunghoon turned, surprise flashing across his face before it shifted into something more guarded. hyuk walked closer, pulling out his phone with a swift motion. “what’s this?” he demanded, holding it up for both you and sunghoon to see. on the screen was a photo of you and sunghoon in the familiar corner of the rink, sharing a kiss – captured in a moment you thought was private.

your stomach dropped. “hyuk, I can explain–” you started, panic rising in your chest, but he cut you off, his expression darkening.

“explain what? that you two were kissing?” he snapped, incredulity flooding his voice. “this is messed up, y/n. you know better than this!”

you stumbled over your words, desperate to cover it up. “no, it’s not like that! we were just–”

“yes, it absolutely is like that,” sunghoon suddenly chimed in, standing up with a mix of determination and frustration. he looked at you, his eyes reflecting both anger and a hint of regret, before turning to hyuk. “we're dating.”

you felt your heart drop at his words, a wave of shock crashing over you. “sunghoon, wait–” you tried to chime in, but he shook his head.

“don’t deny it, y/n,” he said firmly, frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. he understood your attempt to conceal it, yet he coulnd't help but feel it tugging at his heart a little.

hyuk's expression twisted into a furious scowl. “you two should not be involved at all! you both should have known better!” his voice rose, filled with disbelief and anger.

“hyuk, it’s not like that–” you began again, but your brother cut you off.

“sunghoon’s probably just messing with you to get under my skin,” he said, his voice dripping with disdain. “you can’t honestly believe he cares about you.”

sunghoon stepped forward, his jaw clenched in frustration, protectiveness surging within him. “not everything is about you, hyuk!" he turned to you, "i'm being genuine, i–", he attempted to reach for your hand, but hyuk was quick to grab sunghoon's wrist, holding it firmly.

"don't fucking touch her," he hissed.

the tension hung thick in the air as the two of them stared each other down, neither willing to back down. you felt the weight of the situation pressing down on you, torn between the anger and hurt radiating from your brother and the fierce protectiveness emanating from sunghoon.

he looked at you, trying to lock your eyes, almost faltering at the overload of emotion they failed to hide, "she deserves better than to feel like she has to hide it," he said to hyuk, yet his gaze never left you. the intensity in his eyes made your heart race, but it only deepened the conflict swirling within you.

“better?” hyuk sneered, his voice low and dangerous. “better than what? better than the guy who will just throw her aside when it’s convenient for him? he doesn’t care about you, y/n.”

“shut up finally!” you snapped, the frustration spilling over.

sunghoon’s grip on your heart tightened as he took a step closer, his voice softening. “y/n, i care about you. i don’t want you to feel ashamed or torn. this is real for me.”

“and that’s what makes this so dangerous,” hyuk interjected, his tone biting. “you don’t see it, do you? you’re getting involved with someone who has every reason to betray you. think about it, y/n. don’t let him mess with your head just because he’s your partner on the ice.”

you felt a surge of emotion, a whirlwind of confusion and anger. the weight of their words pressed heavily on your chest. “hyuk, you need to trust me. i’m not a child!”

“trust you?” hyuk laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “you’re choosing him over your own brother? someone who’s supposed to look out for you?”

“it’s not that simple!” you shouted, the tears threatening to spill over. “you’re making this so much harder than it needs to be!”

hyuk’s gaze hardened, his voice lowering to a chilling whisper. “you think this will end well? it never does with him. don’t let him drag you into his mess.”

“i’m not a part in your stupid rivalry or whatever shit!” you retorted, feeling the tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

hyuk’s expression shifted, caught between anger and concern. he took a breath, as if weighing his words. “i just don’t want to see you hurt. sunghoon isn’t who you think he is.”

with that, he turned sharply and walked away, leaving you in a storm of conflicting emotions. you felt exposed, like you were standing between two forces that wanted to pull you apart.

as your gaze followed hyuk, your heart racing, you spotted jisung leaning against the wall, his presence striking in the silence that followed. he was watching you, a mix of emotions flickering across his face – an apology, a hint of regret. you felt a pang in your heart as he turned away and headed toward the changing room, the weight of everything crashing down around you.

the practice that followed felt awkward and uncomfortable, each glide on the ice a reminder of the tension from earlier. sunghoon sensed your turmoil. he remained soft with you, his gaze filled with understanding. though he wanted to support you, he respected your need for space, accepting your decision to go home alone rather than insisting on taking you.

as days passed, hyuk’s words replayed in your mind, planting seeds of doubt about sunghoon’s intentions. “he’s just playing a game, y/n,” hyuk would say, his tone smooth yet laced with disdain. the more you heard, the more you questioned sunghoon’s sincerity. with each meeting at the rink, you felt an invisible barrier tightening between you, leaving you torn between love and uncertainty.

sunghoon noticed the change, his concern deepening. one evening, he confronted you after practice, his voice gentle at first. “y/n, is everything okay? you seem… different.”

you hesitated, forcing a smile that felt hollow. “i’m fine.”

“you don’t have to pretend with me,” he pressed. “if something's bothering you, just tell me.” he sensed what was about to come, yet it hit him like a punch in the face.

“i’m just... not sure about your intentions,” you admitted, the weight of your own thoughts finally sinking in.

his expression shifted, frustration simmering beneath the surface. “y/n, you can’t think i’m here to hurt you,” he shot back, hurt evident in his eyes. “after everything, how can you doubt me?”

you hesitated, the intensity of his plea hitting hard. “i just… need time,” you murmured.

“time? or are you running away from what’s real?” he challenged, the pain in his voice slicing through you. “you’re shutting me out, choosing to believe him over me.”

you sighed, your mind heavy with thoughts and frustration, and all you wanted was to shut everything out and be alone until it all stopped. "this isn't about you and him..."

"it shouldn't be. it should be about me and you – about us. you're choosing to let him ruin this."

as the weight of his words settled between you, you felt guilt wash over you. he was right. without waiting for a response, he turned away, frustration propelling him to leave. you stood frozen, the space between you widening, regret spreading in your chest as he walked away.

just as you were about to leave the rink, you heard footsteps approaching you from behind. you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. hell, you just wanted to finally go home.

jisung stepped forward, shifting nervously on his feet. “y/n,” he began, his voice barely above a whisper, “can we talk for a second?”

you kept your gaze fixed ahead, avoiding his eyes. “what do you want now?” you replied, not bothering to hide the lack of willingness to talk to anyone right now.

"i have to tell you something." he hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck as he avoided your eyes. “i, uh… i was the one who sent the picture to hyuk,” he admitted, the words tumbling out quickly. “i didn’t think it would cause this much trouble. i was just… feeling kinda–” he paused, struggling to find the right words, “jealous? i never wanted it to blow up like this.”

the words felt like a punch to the gut, anger rising within you. “why would you do that?” you asked, hurt lacing your voice.

“please, just listen–”

“you know what, no,” you cut him off, shaking your head. “i don’t want to hear it. you’ve already done enough.” you turned away, the weight of his confession heavy in the air. you walked out of the rink, desperate to finally escape the chaos.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

days after the incident, you hadn't spoken a word to neither of the three. you had asked your coach to take a break from pair skating, telling her you wanted to focus on mastering your solo routines. it was a lie – you just needed space from everything and everyone.

across the rink, hyuk leaned against the barrier, arms crossed and expression unreadable. a few feet further stood sunghoon, who had come for his own practice, a tense silhouette against the bright ice. though they weren’t speaking, hyuk could feel the electric tension in the air between them. his gaze flicked between you and sunghoon, noticing the way sunghoon watched you. there was a softness in his eyes, a longing that tugged at hyuk’s heart.

sunghoon's brows furrowed as you executed a particularly difficult move, his expression a mixture of admiration and concern. each time you stumbled, his body tensed, as if he wanted to rush forward to catch you, but he remained rooted in place. hyuk’s gaze narrowed slightly as he observed this; it was clear that beneath the facade, sunghoon genuinely cared for you.

hyuk watched the interplay between you and the ice, his heart heavy with unspoken words. sunghoon’s intensity was palpable, and it ignited a flicker of frustration within hyuk. he pushed himself away from the barrier, moving toward sunghoon with determination.

“hey,” he called out, his voice cutting through the air. sunghoon turned slightly, his expression shifting from concentration to guardedness. “we need to talk.”

“about what?” sunghoon replied, his tone laced with defiance.

“about y/n,” hyuk said, glancing back to ensure you were still focused on your practice. “i was wrong to come between you two. i don't trust you, but i can see it. you care about her.”

sunghoon’s brows furrowed, a mixture of surprise and frustration washing over his face. "what changed?"

"i’ve watched how you look at her, the way you worry when she struggles. that’s not something you can fake. it’s clear you care more than i thought.”

sunghoon hesitated, his expression softening under hyuk’s scrutiny. “i do care, but it’s complicated. i didn’t mean for things to get so messed up.”

hyuk sighed, hesitantly giving in. "i was the one to mess it up," he admitted.

sunghoon raised an eyebrow, taken aback by the way hyuk's expression softened.

“you know,” hyuk continued, “you should really talk it out with her. she’s been off these past few days. she used to come home with a smile after every practice.” his voice trailed off as he realized the weight of what he’d overlooked in recent weeks. “and if you’re the reason for that smile, then… i suppose i’ll have to accept it, right?”

sunghoon remained silent, unsure if he could truly trust hyuk’s words. yet the thought of you beaming after spending time with him tugged at his heart, igniting a deep desire to keep that smile alive.

"just don't let her down, okay? she deserves to be happy," he said, reaching out to softly pat his shoulder, before walking off.

as you finished your practice, a glance toward the rink’s edge caught your attention. hyuk and sunghoon stood together, an exchange of words passing between them, and you could even see hyuk gently squeezing sunghoon's shoulder. you furrowed your brows. you swore you'd never seen an interaction like this happening.

moments later, you saw sunghoon approaching you, his expression soft yet earnest.

“y/n,” he began, his voice laced with hesitation, “i’m really sorry for everything that happened... i shouldn’t have pressured you or put you in that position.”

you felt the weight of his words settle in your chest. “no, it’s my fault,” you replied, your heart racing. “i let hyuk get in my head and i shouldn’t have let that come between us. i was so scared of disappointing him that i lost sight of what really mattered...”

sunghoon stepped closer, his gaze unwavering. “i shouldn’t have told him about us like that. i was frustrated, and it felt like i was losing you,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “i never wanted to make you feel trapped or unsure.”

tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you took a breath, feeling the sincerity in his words, and for the first time you openly confessed, “i love you, sunghoon. i don’t want to hide that anymore. i just want us to be okay.”

he nodded, his expression softening further, his heart fluttering from your confession. “i love you too, y/n. and i promise, no matter what, i’ll always fight for us.”

his words wrapped around you like a comforting embrace, instilling a sense of certainty that made you feel grounded and safe. you stepped closer, minimizing the distance between you, and softly brought your hands to rest on his chest. sunghoon responded by placing his hands on your waist, pulling you a fraction closer, before leaning down to tenderly brush his lips against yours – all out in the open, finally for everyone to see. <3

thank you so much for reading up until here. it means the entire world to me and i hope you guys enjoyed it. please do not copy. ❤︎︎

- dazzlingjaeyun

taglist: @intojaeyun @yunhoswrldddd

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#dazzlingjaeyun writes #enhypen au #enhypen #enha x reader #enhypen x reader #engene #sunghoon au #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon enhypen #enhypen angst

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barleyo · 9 months ago

Text

Roll of the Dice.

Armin Arlert X Fem! Reader (smut)

A/N: Heyyy I hope y'all enjoy this piece, sorry if it seems rushed! I got this idea after overhearing a few friends talking about D&D and I knew I needed to make something Armin related for it!

Tags: older brother! Eren, brother's best friend trope, semi-public sex, slightly perv! Armin, nerdy shit, loss of virginity, male sub (?), handjobs, cream pie, unprotected sex

"Eren, where are you going?" (Y/N) crept down the stairs, her socks padding her steps. "Goin' out?"

Her brother nodded. "It's game night," he reminded her quietly, keeping his voice hushed since it was rather late.

"God, is hanging out with your little nerd troupe all you do?" She made her way down the stairs completely and felt herself gravitate towards the door with him.

"Whatever," he sneered, rolling his eyes. "Are you coming with me tonight or not?"

"Well, who's gonna be there? You know how I feel about some of your acquaintances."

"Most of 'em are busy tonight, but, uh, Connie, Sasha, Jean, Mikasa--"

"Jean? Really?" (Y/N) grimaced a bit. He was one of his friends that she couldn't stand. "Who's hosting?"

"If you'd give me a second, I'd be able to answer." Eren grabbed his keys off of the hook and pocketed them after giving (Y/N) and annoyed look. "Armin's hosting tonight."

Every Saturday night, her brother and his friend group, who she found to be absolute geeks, would meet up at one of their houses to play D&D. She could never grasp the game, but she often stuck around to keep her brother company during the matches...

Or that's what she told herself. Really, deep down, she knew she tagged along for Eren's childhood friend, Armin. He was the biggest nerd out of the whole group, but she had always been attracted to him. Even as kids, she was stuck to him like white on snow, never daring to leave her side. Eren's other friends would tease (Y/N) for her clinginess to the blond boy, but oddly enough, it didn't bother either of them. Armin was always patient, and she was always grateful for that.

Sleepovers, birthday parties, play dates, and as they got older 'hang out sessions.' Whenever Armin was at their house, (Y/N) was sure to be close to him. It started off simply enough: asking him if she could play with them as children, inviting him to play tea party with her and her stuffed animals (which he couldn't turn down, no matter how much he wanted to), and asking him to push her on the swing. Over time, however, it progressed. Once they had all grown into teens, she took a sharp... romantic edge with him. She'd snuggle up to him on movies nights and hide her head in his neck when she was scared, anything to be close to him.

"Alright, I'll come tonight," she said. She grabbed her shoes from their spot in front of the door and urged Eren with her hands to get going.

"Oh, glad you guys could make it! Come on in, everyone else is already here."

Armin held his front door open for the two, giving his trademarked 'sweet, yet constantly nervous' looking smile.

"Thanks, man." Eren stepped inside, walking through the foyer to get to the group while (Y/N) staggered behind a bit to speak to Armin.

He shut the door and stood with his feet loosely planted. "So, uh, (Y/N), I didn't see you last week for game night."

"Hah, sorry to give you the slip like that. What, were you waiting up for me?" She could see his face warming up a bit, and she loved every second of it.

"No-! I mean, not exactly. I just thought I'd see you, you know. I-It was an exciting match, you would've had fun."

She quirked a brow at him, crossing her arms. "I would've had fun watching you guys play?"

"Well, that's why you come, isn't it? Plus, you don't have to just watch. I can teach you how to play. If you'd like that, I mean. Just, uhm--"

"Guys, hurry up. Connie's getting restless," Eren called from the living room.

"Yeah, I don't have forever to kick it with you guys," Connie said, audibly crunching chips while he spoke.

"Please, what else do you have going on, Con?"

The distinct bickering continued in the background while Armin turned back to face (Y/N). "That's our cue, I suppose."

"Finally." Eren was perched lazily on a beanbag chair near the coffee table where the board was set up. "Let's get this party started, eh, guys?"

A soft cheer came from everyone.

(Y/N) scanned the scene quickly. Armin, of course, was sitting in the floor at the head of the table, like he always did. It was the best seat in the house, in his opinion, and as the Dungeon Master, he got first choice of seats.

Eren and Mikasa were already sitting together, and she didn't want to third-wheel them. She liked Connie and Sasha, and she wouldn't mind sitting with them both, but she really didn't feel like getting snack crumbs all over her throughout the game from her two messy friends.

That left Jean.

She didn't absolutely despise him, but his energy was always off. His hugs lasted too long, and he made weird comments towards the girls in the group. It seemed that she would have to toughen up and sit next to him for the night.

"Hey, (Y/N)?" Armin spoke from behind the Dungeon Master screen. "Would you want to sit with me tonight? That way you could see how to play."

Thank god for Armin, her little angel in disguise!

She immediately went over to him and took a seat on his lap, taking him a bit by surprise, but nobody in the group seemed to care much. She got herself comfortable and scanned over the various manuals and rules in the guide books in front of them both.

"Alright. Let's play!" (Y/N) said, giving a half-grin.

"The gang of orcs raise their weapons and challenge your troupe, how do you proceed--?" Armin's voice hitched in his throat.

(Y/N) began to mindlessly grind down on him, actually paying attention to the game in front of her for once. Armin was right, she was starting to enjoy it, but as she got lost in the game, her body started to act on its own.

"I grab my sword and raise it to the air, charging the monsters with my team following close behind."

"Eren, wait, we didn't agree on that," Connie whined, "I'm already injured from the last fight."

"Don't be such a pussy, you can tough it out."

"Stop bickering," Mikasa snapped at the two playfully, "you're both like two children."

"Armin, can you pass me the pretzels? Just slide the bowl over here, big dog." Sasha leaned forward over the table, ready to receive the large bowl of snacks.

He snorted at the name and obliged, pushing the bowl with his finger tips. However, as he pulled his arm back, he knocked his drink back onto not only his lap, but the girl on his lap.

"Shit! I'm so sorry, (Y/N)!" His voice was filled with sheer panic. "Shit, shit, shit, it's all over your shirt."

"It's fine, don't worry," she assured him. "Here, just take me to your room. I'll change into one of your shirts for the rest of the night and all will be forgiven, alright?"

He exhaled and nodded. She led him up the stairs to his room, walking through the halls like she knew the house like the back of her hand.

"Here, you can go change in the bathroom," he spun around with a clean shirt in his arms, only to be met by (Y/N) already stripping. "Oh... or, I-I can leave!" He turned back around throwing his hands over his glasses and heading to the door.

"Armin," she said his name is her most sultry tone, "come back. Don't be shy."

Her shirt and bra were long gone, leaving her bare chested in the cold room. Round buds caught Armin's attention, her pert nipples hardening at the air.

"(Y/N), I don't think we should--"

"Then don't think. Don't think, and come here." She grabbed his hand and yanked him over to her. Wrapping her arms around his neck she leaned in close to his face and offered her lips to him. "I want this. Don't you?" She peered at him from behind her fluttering eyelashes, lips pouting.

With that, he gave in. His kiss was eager, but precise and neat. It surprised her, most guys kissed as if they hee sex was the end goal: rushed and messy, letting their teeth clash against hers in the most unsexy way possible. But not Armin. Everything about him was tender and sweet.

She wondered what it would take for him to get messy.

Breaking from the kiss, she pushed him to the corner of his bed. She fiddled with the zipper of his jeans and freed his leaking cock from his boxers.

"Wait, I want to make you feel good first," he protested, trying to flip the script and put her body under his.

"Hush. If you want me to feel good, you'll let me do what I wanna do, right?"

He slowly nodded as his face started to heat up. "R-right."

"Exactly. Now, do you like how this feels? When I use my hand like this?"

He felt her grab his length and give it a few teasing pumps, up and down, slow and firm. His cock kicked a bit in her palm.

"Please don't stop," Armin huffed, covering his mouth with his hand. It felt amazing, but he knew the walls in his house were thin; the others could hear them both if they were too loud.

She craned her neck over his lap as she stood in front of him. Thick, stretchy dribbled of spit connected with his tip. She smeared the spit and mixed it with his pre cum, rubbing her thumb around the thick head.

It was mean, she knew, but she had an idea. She crouched down to her knees and gave him a cheeky look. Her lips connected to his tip with a soft, sweet kiss. She gently opened her mouth to take his length, opening just enough for his tip. Hee tongue trailed around it, taking purchase specifically of a thick vein on the underside of his cock.

His pre cum left a glossy stain around her mouth and he shuddered at the view. He gripped the blanket under his and felt his cock twitch and fill her mouth, all too quickly.

"Oh my god," he whispered. "I didn't mean to do that so quickly, I'm sorry! I-it's just that you're so pretty and your mouth is so warm and wet," he explained while his face grew beet red. A gasp escaped his chest when she swallowed his cum, licking her lips and grinning.

"You're adorable." She removed her mouth from him with a pop.

Armin grunted and his face visibly cringed. 'Adorable' wasn't what he was trying to go for, especially not during sex. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're so cute. I bet you're a virgin too, aren't you?" She cooed at him playfully, but it stung a bit.

He was, in fact, a virgin, but he felt the need to prove himself to her. He could cope with cumming early, that was relatively fine, but he knew how to pleasure a woman, and (Y/N) needed to know that he could. Porn and assorted hentai games had taught him well, he was just waiting for the chance to try out his moves.

"I'll show you what this virgin can do," he challenged. "Lay down, right here."

She took her place in the middle of his bed, laying flat on her back. "Like this?"

"Mm, stay still." He slotted himself between her legs on the bed. His hands made quick work of her shorts and panties, tossing them behind him into a crumpled pile on the floor.

With his cock already sprung free, he moved his tip through her folds, collecting her slick over it. It was his turn to tease, his turn to make sure that she had more than her fill. And he knew exactly how, so he slid his length in to the hilt, bottoming out in her.

(Y/N) let her eyes squeeze shut. The initial sharpness of his thrust eventually eased into a soft wave of pleasure.

"Hey, keep your eyes open, okay? I wanna see them. They're so pretty," he said, wiping the pricked tear from the corner of her eye.

Armin's hips reeled back so he could start a steadier pace. He made short strokes, only pulling himself out of her halfway. When he pushed back into her cunt, he rutted into her, nudging his greedy cock into her most sensitive spot.

"You're so good at this, 's not fair. You-- oh, fuck!" Her legs started to wobble a bit, she could feel them starting to give out on her.

"You're so adorable," he mimicked her earlier words with a whisper, leaning down to her ear. He gave the lobe a nibble and traced his tongue around the shell of it.

Once her walls started to spasm around him intermittently, he knew he had her right on the edge of her orgasm.

"Are you gonna cum? I feel you clenching on me, you must be close." He tried to keep his voice steady, but the rasp in it gave away how close he also was. "Give it to me, (Y/N). You know you want to."

"Yes, I wanna cum so bad," she gasped sharply, gripping the fabric of his shirt. Her clenching started up again, but this time it was much more powerful.

Armin hissed through his teeth, feeling the grip her cunt had around him. He couldn't pry himself out in time, and let his seed spill out, shooting deep into her.

Neither of them moved for a moment. Armin was still inside, enjoying the thick, wet warmth.

"You know, for a used-to-be-virgin, you fucked me real good, 'Min." (Y/N) shifted in the bed, turning to face the boy. She brushed a lock of his blond hair behind his ear and wiped at the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"Ah, you think so? Maybe you should come over next week too, and we'll see if I can top my current high score."

#barleyxnighteye #smutfic #smut #x reader #attack on titan #aot x reader #armin x reader #armin arlert #armin smut #fem reader #d&d

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nocek · 1 year ago

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I'm late to the party and I'm quite sure it's already been done so I feel stupid redrawing a meme buuuuuut... at the second seance that's all that was running around my head during Miguel's exposition dump scene knowing how it escalates :D

Well that and thoughts of: nice scientific theory you have here. Truthfully based on factual evidence. Except, you've filtered those facts through your biased/ traumatized perception so yeah... this is why your science papers need to be peer reviewed.

Also a reason why you need to cooperate with art people who would tell you canon is not about events, they can change. It's about overarching narrative.

And I can't wait for the next movie (may it take as much time as it needs) to somehow swinging eating a cake and having it too. Because i love the repeating pattern of two/repetition in this movie. It's so small but it works so well at building up the next one. After noticing that I actually think that the surprise reveal at the end makes sense while previously I was annoyed we've like got nice ending with Gwen and then like 5 extra minutes of next movie that was kinda annoying.

Oh and speaking of annoying. I salute this movie for making fun of main mcu. Because sure the reference was kinda forced and barely salvaged by added joke of they should revoke doctor Strange's license buuuut.... It made me wish for Steve's ending fix it because seriously. He is pulling exactly the same bullshit Miguel did. Like seriously.

Besides idea of pissed off Miguel dragging Steve back to universe 19999 is amusing af (because I too am still pissed off about it)

Oh and to end my blabbling with genuine question. Do I remember correctly that the Syd Mead-esque Nueva York we've seen had a number like 700 something? Three digit one anyway. Does that mean that the happy family universe went like through incursion with 2099 one and that's why it got destroyed? Or both got destroyed?

#long post #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #spiderman #miguel o'hara #miles morales #dumb meme redraw with long blabbling included #sorry i had to #like both of those :D #and I'm sorry I'm posting so much today #somehow got motivation to do so so I don't want to squander it

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hotcat37 · 25 days ago

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Gig report for Brussels 🇧🇪🔥

-just.....wow

-okay so first, the queue really wasn't as stressful as I thought it'd be. I arrived like an hour before the doors opened but it wasn't busy enough to be overwhelming!! At some point there were armed policemen walking around so that was a bit scary lol but it went smoothly so :P

-what also made the queuing so amazing was actually meeting people this time. Last year I was completely by myself both in the queue and during the concert but tonight I didn't just accidentally meet random people that I stumbled upon (who were absolutely lovely and who I vibed with so much) but also people from within the fandom <33 It was surreal to actually put a face to the usernames and to hear my own username be used lmao but it was such an amazing experience and I loooved trading gifts it was so satisfying!!

-also random but I just loved how diverse the crowd was. Older, younger, male, female, neither.....I just loved how many different kinds of people were present!!

-a bit frustrating but something I weirdly enough predicted beforehand was the show starting about 45 minutes late. The excitement was rapidly dwindling with every new song that kept playing without sight of Kä anywhere 🥲🥲 But he did apologize and as it turned out there was some kind of communication issue regarding the performing time

-that being said I completely forgot about the waiting as soon as the gig started wtf it was just so damn good!! I want to give a special thanks to everyone who was here tonight because the atmosphere was simply amazing and so comfortable!! And at least from where I was standing people were respecting personal space and going crazy during songs without constantly elbowing others haha

-Jere seemed so happy and energetic tonight :] There wasn't a lot of banter but when he did talk he said a lot of cute and funny things <3

-WE GOT URHEILUJÄTKÄ 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥 I wasn't expecting that at all and it seemed spontaneous (?) but I'm so happy I got to hear the song live <33

-Dalton and Häärijä shenanigans were very endearing as always (Jaakko in particular looked majestic btw)

-WE GOT YHTÄ VAILLA MY FAVORITE SONG I WAS TWEAKINGGGGG 🗣🗣🗣☺☺☺☺💥💥💥

-the TRAFIK moshpit was kind of scary for me cuz I got kinda dragged into it but even though it was horrifying to have people jumping around so close to me I thankfully didn't get elbowed and everything seemed pretty safe :)

-it was boiling hot in there btw ugh I was fucking melting and sweating my metaphorical nuts off 😩

-shout-out to the person in front of me with the sign "I'm Tommy Cash" lmao I wish Kä would've noticed it was very cute 😂❤

Yeah, I dunno, it was just such a fantastic night. I didn't think it'd be that great queuing since it was in Brussels (no offense to folks that live in Brussels lmao but I find it a deeply unpleasant city) but this concert to me was honestly even better than the one in Antwerpen last year :"D And that one was already excellent too. Also shout out to everyone that brought party poppers and glowsticks and stickers and balloons to play with ❤❤ It really helped contribute to the great atmosphere 🥰💚

#käärijä #everyone cooked at this gig #selfishly I wish he'd come to Belgium more often but there's ppl in countries that have never gotten to see him before #and this being a (so far) once a year experience makes it all the more special and memorable ❤

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vidavalor · 1 year ago

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Ok but...

Crowley channeling his 1967/inner secret agent for this whole turtleneck look for the scene with Mr. Brown in The Dirty Donkey when tied to Aziraphale losing his damn mind and re-costuming everybody during The Ball is cracking me up.

To unnecessarily jog your memory lol, here's Crowley looking like a whole snack in the pub:

Turtleneck and the vest under the blazer, right? And here's Mr. Brown in the same scene, during which he was refusing to take Aziraphale's every damn hint of disinterest:

Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets is wearing-- *in theory* lol-- the same set of clothes as Crowley, furthering the comparison between them. He's wearing a shirt, a tie, a vest, and a jacket over pants. It's just that he's wearing a far less sexy version of what Crowley has on and the shirt is a different kind. Mr. Brown has on a burnt orange shirt that would look far better with a brown suit than the black he has on and a truly garish tie. (So, we're saying Mr. Brown's look-- and the life it suggests-- would improve if he'd just own his brown-ness instead of trying to wear too much black aka to try to take over Crowley's role in Aziraphale's life.) His blazer is black and brown and doesn't fit him well and doesn't really work with his vest, which is brown. When Crowley snaps Mr. Brown back after The Ball and puts him into line for coffee at Nina's, he is wearing this same outfit, implying that he probably wore this to the Whickber Street meeting. This means that the outfit Mr. Brown has on during The Ball is the one Aziraphale made for him.

Without diving into exactly how horrifying a thing it is that Aziraphale is exerting this much control over the neighbors at The Ball here, we know that the idea is that Aziraphale was changing clothes of people at The Ball to reflect what he thought they should be wearing. Maggie got that beautiful blue silk blouse, reflecting how Aziraphale thought she should vary her record shop wardrobe a bit to catch Nina's eye. Mrs. Sandwich got a whole glow up from her tracksuit into the fabulous madam that she is. Jim... yeah, that's another meta lol. Crowley's only wardrobe change is one that happens prior to The Ball and that he made himself and has been wearing for most of the afternoon already. He is wearing a collarless black dress shirt with a few buttons undone, dressing up a little for his husband's work party thing.

Crowley, as we all know, was exempted from Aziraphale's Jane Austen influence and that's because a) Aziraphale seems to understand the concept of consent when it comes to his partner at least here and doesn't ever try to influence him but also b) Aziraphale thinks Crowley is perfect as he is. Aziraphale's assessment of Crowley's whole situation here is 10/10 no notes hey baby you wanna dance?

So it's then even funnier when Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets gets Queer Angel Eye for the Schulbby Human Guy-d into a late 1960s-inspired outfit with a turtleneck and a fitted blazer that coordinates with his vest and so does what the whole vest-blazer situation is supposed to do for his body and that whole godawful tie is just gone and the burnt orange blended into his jacket. He looks much better-- I won't disagree with Aziraphale here lol-- but he does because Aziraphale just literally dressed him up in a brown & brown plaid version of Crowley's look in the pub scene when Mr. Brown couldn't take the hints Aziraphale was hurling at him that he's not interested and that Crowley is his partner. Mr. Brown is no longer wearing a shred of black-- just different shades of brown lol. The black is the sex that is Crowley while the brown is, well, the Mr. Brown that is of the Brown's World of Carpets.

#ineffable husbands #good omens #good omens 2 #crowley #aziraphale #good omens meta #aziracrow #mr brown #of brown's world of carpets

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daarka · 2 years ago

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For those late to the party who want to know what the hell is going on with #OpenDnD, #StoptheSub, #DnDBegone etc, and why everyone is cancelling DnDBeyond subscriptions, I tried to do a crash course as succinctly as possible. OpenDnD.Games is a great resource for more in-depth details, and if you wish to do so, you can cancel your DnDBeyond subscription through this direct link (as there have been many reporting trouble in locating where to do so). Edit: Tweaked the very first detail below, as someone reminded me it was not a wholly accurate statement as I had initially written it. Apologies to everyone who already reblogged the first version of this :')

Hasbro acquired Wizards of the Coast (WotC) some time ago, but recently they got new leadership who said in an interview that they see D&D as "under-monetized". Hasbro is on the decline with finances, and WotC is its biggest cash cow. Why milk that cash cow through producing more content when you can instead revoke a legally irrevocable license that makes it impossible for 3rd party content creators to exist?

America loves a good monopoly. The old license that permitted the community to grow to what it is today was OGL1.0a, and without it, D&D would not be what it is right now, nor even close. They tried to shift to OGL1.1, a new license that is, in a word, PREDATORY. Horrific, nasty shit.

OGL1.1 was quietly sent to large creators to sign. It then got leaked. The community erupted. The backlash was loud and unanimous. WotC was radio silent for like two weeks. They finally gave a single-sentence "we'll explain soon" tweet on DnDBeyond's account. Then more silence.

A WotC employee reached out to large creators to blow the whistle on WotC. The source was verified, and they shared that WotC sees the community as an obstacle between them and their money, all they care about is bottom line, and they're delaying in hopes we forget and move on.

And also that they are mainly looking at DnDBeyond subscription cancelations to gauge the financial impact; they don't care about our sentiments, only our money. So everyone erupted into signal boosting for others to unsubscribe as the single and best way to make ourselves heard. Cue the mass unsubscribing.

Today (January 13th 2023), a shitty PR piece was posted on DnDBeyond full of blatant lies and, in my opinion, barely-contained saltiness. Right before that, though, OGL2.0 leaks came out; the tweaks they'd begrudgingly made following the backlash. 2.0 is basically just as bad as 1.1; they just spoke of it as being more changed than it was.

In other words, they keep bold-faced lying to a community of rules-lawyers who recreationally read fine print :)

Meanwhile, Paizo (creators of Pathfinder) has come to the rescue, vowing to release a truly open license that will allow everyone to continue pursuing the livelihoods they're passionate about; this is the Open RPG Creative License, or "ORC".

Canceling subscriptions immediately sends a potent message, even if you may have to resubscribe later for functionality in your games. You'll still have the remainder of your billing cycle to enjoy paid perks.

Everything's a little on fire, but I think we'll be okay ♥️

OGL1.0a was never meant to be revocable, as loudly stated in the past couple days by the very people who authored it. It is very likely that WotC is actually just bluffing and bullying, and is actually powerless to revoke it--something many lawyers more knowledgeable than myself seem to be suggesting. In which case, it is my greatest hope in all of this that 3rd party creators are able to continue doing what they love, with no further interruptions.

Remember: the majority of WotC and DnDBeyond employees feel the exact same way we do, but they don't have a choice. Hasbro is the enemy here. Be kind to each other, and know where blame should and should not be placed. If you want to stay up to speed, the account of @.DnD_Shorts seems to be a very active and informed voice, largely responsible for sharing the first leak. If Twitter makes you want to puke, I completely understand; DnD_Shorts also has a YouTube channel with frequent updates on the situation posted in video format.

It's cathartic to me to try to signal boost this stuff, and provide summaries that might help others stay informed. It helps me feel like I'm somehow able to affect these nasty things that are otherwise just inflicted onto lil guys in the community like myself.

However, this has been beyond exhausting and stressful. I'm going to start untangling myself and stepping back from posting about this issue so I can hopefully restore some of my own sanity.

It's been really crazy--in a good way--to see the power this community has when rallied together under a common threat. It makes me proud to be in that community.

At the end of the day, all TTRPGs are really just exercises in creativity and fun. The golden rule has always been and should always be that there is no right or wrong way to play, other than what suits you and those you play with. Likewise, no one should ever feel guilty or judged by others for playing one system over another. It's okay to like D&D5e despite all this. No matter how much they've tried, Wizards of the Coast cannot claim jurisdiction over the invaluable memories you've made, and what has become a creative outlet for countless people. Myself included.

Boycotting is a great way to be heard, since they only care about money. But continuing to use the content you have to play D&D5e is your prerogative, and hurts no one. Furthermore, it's also okay if you can't cancel your DnDBeyond subscription because you rely on it too heavily for your games. That doesn't make you a traitor. That doesn't estrange you from the community. DnDBeyond, at its core, is a great tool that is popular for a reason; it's the new leadership that is forcing it to become something it wasn't meant to be. One day, I hope to be able to resubscribe in good conscious, and I hope that day is soon.

To reiterate, if anyone's even read down this far... be kind to one another. Keep in mind that big enemies win when the party is divided. You can love or hate anything you want in the TTRPG sphere, but how you feel about it does not invalidate someone else feeling the opposite.

Be kind. Be patient. Be empathetic. We're already coming out on top.

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freesia-writes · 1 year ago

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C-can I pick Howzer for #1, mmmaybe? 👉👈

ANY EXCUSE TO WRITE FOR HOWZER, my love! :D This follower celebration was SO FUN because the variety of prompts and people I have waiting to be written about are just... *chef's kiss*. This one was super fun. It was one of those times where the writing just kind of falls into place as you go along! Hope it's a fun one. <3

#1 - You hear [clone] tell the waitress that they are nervous for their blind date, but no one shows up. So you sit down to act like the date.

Howzer x Fem!Reader Word Count: 3.5k Content Warnings: Kissin and drinkin ;)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

He caught your eye the moment he walked in. He was immediately recognizable as a clone, but he just had a little extra *somethin* that immediately had your attention. Whether it was the tousled undercut he sported or the curving scars across his cheek and chin, you were thoroughly enjoying the view from your perch at the far end of the bar counter. It was always fun to see clones free of their armor, enjoying their scarce free time.

You’d had to stay late after your shift at the restaurant, covering a baby shower that stretched for hours through the day and into the afternoon, and now the dinner rush was already starting. You were free to leave, of course, but an extra dirty martini and some of the mistaken food orders were too good to pass up. Plus, the bartender was your best friend, so when she had a break between customers, there was always good conversation to be had.

“Did you see that test tube specimen walk in just now? Right up your alley…” she asked, waggling her eyebrows at you while she shook a steel canister.

“It’s not ALL clones, Dee…” you said in mock defensiveness. Okay, so you had a type. And there happened to be millions of them. But they weren’t all the same… not that it was worth getting into it with her again. “But yeah,” you admitted, peering over your shoulder again, watching him sit and gently take the menu from his server, “He’s got a sweet vibe.”

“You’ve watched him for fifteen seconds and you already think you can tell his vibe?” Dee challenged, pouring the drink. Without waiting for an answer, she bustled off to deliver it, leaving you to wait for his server to come back to the station next to your seat. As soon as he approached, you were speaking.

“So what’s the deal with table 44 over there?” you asked, earning an immediate snarky grin from Barnes, who was quite the tall drink of water himself, but he’d made it quickly known that he wasn’t interested in women.

“Ohh, you noticed, huh?” Barnes laughed, tapping on the register screen to enter a drink order, which you leaned over to peer at, curious what he might like. “Yeah, he’s a treat. All cute and nervous, too. He’s on a blind date.”

“Ahh, damn,” you said, leaning back to your food. “Well let’s see who he got set up with.”

* * *

You lost track of time, nursing your martini and accepting an extra appetizer that had been ordered and then changed. Dee had been regaling you with a tale from the last party she’d been to, although it was delivered in bits and pieces as she went about her job. It wasn’t until Barnes gave you a tap on the shoulder that you remembered to look for the clone’s hot date. Surprisingly, however, the chair opposite him was still empty, and he was leaning his chin into one hand, elbow on the table, the other hand idly twirling the straw in his drink. He looked so smart in his dark grey uniform, and you noted the way it fit snugly around his chest and arms, tucked neatly in to a belt around his narrow waist.

“Get this,” Barnes said conspiratorially as he tapped on the register again, “He just asked for the check, for just his drink. I think he got stood up. Should I quit and go join him?” he paused, as though he were genuinely asking you, then chuckled. “Ehh, I’m not into the military type. Also, it’s getting busier -- you should get out of here before you get wrangled into serving some tables.”

“Good point,” you said, not really thinking about what he said because you were so surprised and distracted at the fact that Mr. Handsome over there had been stood up. What kind of idiot… Suddenly, an idea popped into your head, as the rest of Barnes’ words finally processed, and you decided to act on it before your rational brain (and cowardly second-guessing) kicked in. “Wait, Barnes, don’t give him the check…” you said, putting a hand on his arm as the receipt printed in front of him. “I’m gonna do it.”

His genuine laugh of delight was infectious, and further fueled your slightly bubbly mood. “Well you’d better come up with a good excuse for making him wait so long… And make it worth his time,” he said, giving you a suggestive wink that earned him a smack on the shoulder. You stuffed your apron into the cabinet below the server stand and rushed to the refresher to see what could be done. The smell of a full day’s work in a restaurant was heavy on your clothes and hair, and the barely-remaining makeup was sparse. Grateful for the little basket of hygiene items kept under the sink, you pulled your hair down, tousling it with your fingers after spraying some refreshing powder through it. You got some paper towels wet and wiped your armpits, laughing at the thought of the clone seeing you now. There was nothing to be done about your outfit -- black button-up shirt and black pants -- but at least you could untuck the shirt now and roll up the sleeves. You made one last stop by the bar, making two rushed requests of Dee.

“Hey -- real quick -- I need that gold necklace from the lost and found drawer, and can you make a dirty martini and another of whatever he had?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said, shaking her head fondly as she fetched the necklace that had been left a few weeks ago. “I mean, what the heck. Sounds like fun, and probably nicer for him than going home sad.” Armed with two drinks and as much courage as you could muster, you headed for the table, running through all the possibilities in your mind.

“Hi! Blind date, right?” you asked, wanting to be careful not to lie. His brown eyes lifted to you, expression unreadable. He’d been patiently waiting, but was he the stiff sort who would be indignant at being made to wait? Or was he a pushover so desperate for attention that he’d put up with anything? It remained to be seen.

“Yeah,” he said in that smooth clone voice you’d heard so many times. “Howzer,” he said, standing to greet you. He awkwardly offered a hand, realizing you had a drink in each of yours, and gave a breathy chuckle of relief as you quickly set the glasses on the table and took his hand, giving it a gentle shake. You froze, unsure of whether to use your name, or if he knew the name of the person he was expecting…

“And you’re Xena, right? Here, please, sit?” he continued, standing behind your chair and smiling in such a kind way that the guilt settled heavily on your shoulders. He’d been made to wait an awfully long time, and yet here he was, offering a kind and graceful introduction…And it was also way too much work to try to figure out how to continue the deception as further details would be questioned.

“Erm, no…” you admitted, once he’d cordially seated you and taken his place across the table. His furrowed brow and crooked smile made your heart skip a beat, and you blundered on, “I’m sorry… I work here, well, not right now, but I was hanging out, and I heard you were waiting for someone, and I saw it had been a long time, and I was… well, yeah, I was totally creeping on you from over there… And I just didn’t want you left here hanging cause you’re just… Well you seem really nice… And honestly, you’re really cute… Ohhhh man. This is not a good start,” you laughed nervously, burying your face in your hands. What HAD you been thinking?

Howzer put two and two together and leaned back, running a hand over his tousled hair. You grimaced, hoping it wouldn’t all fall to pieces, and gently pushed the drink toward him once you were willing to show your face again, despite its bright red color. “Here… I brought the same thing you ordered, and… you can just enjoy it, if you want… Sorry, I don’t know what I was aiming for here,” you fumbled, starting to rise to your feet.

“No, wait -- it’s alright,” he offered, raising a hand to accompany his words. “I guess Pivot didn’t paint me in the best light to whoever I was supposed to meet here,” he chuckled dryly. “But it was kind of you to take pity on me… I think? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving, so what do you say to some dinner?”

Relief cascaded down at the invitation, and your shoulders dropped a few inches with the release of tension. You smiled, letting out the breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, and nodded.

“You said you work here?” he continued, opening the menu as if he hadn’t spent the last thirty minutes reading it about eight times over. “What’s the good stuff? Oh, and I suppose I should ask your name too.”

You filled him in, on both points, and had just began sharing about how you got this job when Barnes interrupted you by sliding right up to the table with an air that absolutely demanded attention. “Welllll hellooo again. I see your date showed up?” he said, mock innocence painted all over his face. Howzer gave you a smirk with a raised eyebrow, and you blushed bright red again, chuckling anxiously once again.

“I told him, Barnes,” you said, holding your hands up in surrender. “I’m not cut out for this sort of thing.”

“And yet you’re still here,” Barnes pointed out, pursing his lips at you before sending Howzer a rather flirty glance. “I mean, I don’t blame you. But you’re not skimping on my tip if you’re gonna make me serve you,” he said, turning back to you. His charisma lightened the mood even further, and you assured him that he would not be slighted in any way. After some discussion about the dishes and a few suggestions, both you and Howzer had the food ordered and were left to stare at each other once again. You were trying to figure out what kind of date this was meant to be, what type he may be looking for (or what type he was himself). But instead of trying to make yourself into something you weren’t, you decided to just be authentic and see where it went. You didn’t really have much to lose, anyway.

“So. Howzer,” you said, “How’d you get the name?”

He leaned forward again, stirring his drink again and appearing to be much more relaxed, and began sharing stories from his life so far. It was decidedly different than yours, especially with the fact that he aged twice as fast. You tried not to think about the actual number of years he’d been alive, as that would make you a total pervert by regular human age standards. He told tales of his brothers, their personalities and quirks, and the adventures that his military life had taken him on so far. He shared his thoughts about the world, musing about ideas for the future -- if or when things ever changed. The minutes melted away, punctuated only by Barnes appearing occasionally to refill drinks, bring plates, or clear them away.

You’d always had a soft spot for the clones, but you loved seeing them open up. The unique complexity of each individual was always a delight, and Howzer seemed to have more depth than most. He was simultaneously ambitious yet reserved, steady yet bold. You were finding yourself more and more enthralled, and in a bit of disbelief at your luck. Somehow you’d chatted away the entire dinner rush, and the restaurant was now growing quiet, filled with only a few lingering guests.

The conversation took a bit of a flirty turn, and you found yourself reaching across the table in a fit of laughter, clapping your hand on top of his. He smiled, still chuckling, and turned his hand over to gently take yours, sending another spark through your body. His gaze darkened a little, taking on a suggestive edge that suddenly made you ready to take him home right then and there. His thumb traced softly across your knuckles, and his eyes dropped to your hands on the table.

“Well, things didn’t turn out so badly tonight after all, did they…” Howzer mused. His smooth voice and the thrill of the last couple of hours of conversation and connection had you feeling as though you were living a dream. You smiled, giving his hand a little squeeze, and shook your head.

“Want to get out of here?” you asked, perhaps with more of a seductive tone than you’d intended.

“Oh, ahh, sure… But… well, I mean…” he stuttered, sheepish and hesitant all of a sudden, and you wondered if you’d crossed a line somehow.

“I just meant for a walk, or glow pops, or something to change the scene,” you offered brightly, and though he tried to hide it, he looked visibly relieved.

“Sure -- yes -- sorry,” he continued, running a hand through his hair again. “Look, this has been super fun, and I’m so glad you took the initiative to sit down. I’m just… I’m not much of a one-night-stand kind of guy. I know it’s lame, or whatever, but… I guess I just take a while to warm up that way… The guys make fun of me for it all the time.” You felt your heart swell in your chest at his vulnerability. You definitely hadn’t been expecting that, and somehow it made you crave him even more. Respectfully, of course.

“Don’t apologize!” you insisted, leaning forward and picking your hand up from his to place it on his bicep, emphasizing your words with a smile. “I’ve really enjoyed this. And would like to continue to enjoy it.”

“I mean, I’m not a total prude,” he said, laughing self-consciously, still with that glint in his eyes that hit you right in the soul.

“I don’t know,” you said playfully, being careful to keep it lighthearted, “We’ll have to see about that.” You bit your lip, hoping it wasn’t too much of a jab, but he smirked, primly setting his napkin on the table and rising to his feet, extending a hand to you.

“Well let’s start with a walk.”

After fighting over the bill for a few minutes, since you “weren’t the one he asked on a date” but he “had indeed taken you on a date” but “it was where you worked” but “it still needed to be paid” but “you wanted to be fair”… You let him pay with the insistence that you’d be getting the next one, which gave you a little thrill at the thought that there would be a next one. The coat closet was in the middle of a long, narrow hallway that branched away from the host stand at the main entrance, and the hallway included a few other doors that led to the refreshers as well as the kitchen. Howzer leaned in, scanning the hangers for his coat, and suddenly you heard a loud voice as the restaurant door slammed closed behind someone.

“Hello! I need to be seated immediately. Oh, it’s been a ROTTEN evening. The stupid taxi driver got lost twice, and the train was held up by some idiot old lady, and now I’m incredibly late to meet someone here!” a sharp female voice announced, catching the attention of everyone within hearing range. The realization hit you like a gallon of ice water dumped over your head, and as Howzer leaned out of the closet door to peer at the disturbance, you moved without thinking, pushing him back into the coat closet with so much force that both of you lost your balance and tumbled in, kept on your feet (barely) only by the row of jackets hanging up along the back wall.

Howzer’s arms went out to the sides, hitting the wall with an ungainly thump, and you fell into him, landing against his chest in the most fortuitous way, hands splayed across his shoulders to try to break your fall. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, and heard him chuckle quietly once the initial surprise had passed.

“I wasn’t aware I had this effect on women,” he said in a low voice, and you held a finger to your lips with urgency, tilting your head toward the loud voice still ringing outside.

“What do you MEAN, he left?!” she said shrilly, and you could hear Barnes smoothing things over. “You can’t hold a table longer than two hours? That’s just ridiculous.” You sent up a silent prayer of thanks for his quick thinking and willingness to cover for you. You slowly pushed yourself to your feet, freeing Howzer from beneath you, though you were quite loath to do so, and watched him slowly stand straight as well. His eyebrows raised at what he was hearing, and he looked down at you in amusement.

“I may have dodged a bullet tonight,” he whispered, and you stifled a giggle.

“Fine, well at least tell me where the refresher is, and I’ll be on my way!” the woman demanded, and the quick click-clack of her heels coming down the hall sent you both into a panic again. There was nowhere to hide except behind all the coats, and you both immediately dove into the row of fabrics, pushing them out in front of you and flattening yourselves against the wall, side by side. Now you were trying really hard not to laugh, at the utter ridiculousness of this turn of events, and you clapped a hand over your mouth to avoid making a sound.

“You know she doesn’t even know what I look like, right? We’ve never met,” Howzer breathed in your ear, and you gave him a little push.

“There weren’t any other clones in the restaurant tonight, were there?” you whispered right back, and he tilted his head in concession.

“Good point.”

The sound of the refresher door closing was a welcome one, and you pushed the line of jackets in front of you apart, taking a deep breath of the fresh air that was a nice change from the stuffiness of your hiding place. You were getting ready to head out when you felt Howzer pull your arm, and you turned back toward him questioningly.

“We don’t want to risk it. Better wait til she leaves,” he said, shrugging as though he had no choice in the matter. But the soft croon of his voice and that little shimmer of a reflection of the dim closet light in his eye took away absolutely any reason you may have to argue, and you leaned back into him, facing him now, as he rested against the wall. Jackets were stuffed all around you, draped over your back and undoubtedly sticking out a bit, but his breath caught in his throat as you drew near and the sound made you forget about everything else.

“I don’t want to push you past your comfort zone,” you said softly, feeling the tingles growing as he ran his hands up the outsides of your arms, and you brought your hands up to rest on his broad chest.

“I appreciate that,” he breathed, leaning in a little closer, “But I told you I wasn’t a complete prude.” He was so close now that you could smell him, an intoxicating mix of aftershave, soap, traces of scents from dinner, and the slightest hint of musk underneath it all. His proximity was electrifying, and you lifted your face to take in the fondness in his eyes and the gentleness in his expression. You were hopelessly lost at this point. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered, and your cheeks curved into a smile at his gentlemanly request.

“Yes please,” you whispered back, and as soon as the last syllable had left your lips, his mouth was against them, arms wrapping you in a firm yet tender embrace. As if the closet weren’t stuffy enough, the sudden heat of the moment, combined with the two of you pressed together, had you completely flushed with warmth. His kiss was unfathomably sweet, and when he pulled away with a soft smack of the lips, he rested his forehead against yours with a small smile on his face. You lifted a hand to his scarred cheek, reveling in the moment.

The silence was broken by the refresher door opening again, and an aggressive tapping of heels echoed down the hallway as the narrowly-avoided blind date from hell clattered out the front door. You pulled back a little to better meet Howzer’s eyes, though you could have stayed there forever.

“Now how about that walk?”

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s3raphimssins · 1 year ago

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A dazai x reader (again they are besties and coworkers,and dazai having lil crush on her <3)

It's dazai's birthday and the reader decides to surprise him with a cake right at 12 a.m :D

Happy birthday samu

➼authors note: I don't have any ideas for this untill like right now I had a very cute idea so here you go! 💕

➼pairings: Dazai x fem!reader

➼Summary: reader surprising dazai with a birthday surprise

Dazai was still at work and you being the amazing co worker that you were decided to surprise him for his birthday tomorrow! Thought you were extremely sure that if you talked to dazai he would figure out your up to something so you decided to do it another way. It was 5:30 and Dazai was gone on a mission till late at night. Your shift ended at 6 so you bid the others farewell and stormed out of the building.

You went to the nearest bakery, got a cute cake and made them write with frosting 'happy birthday samu' with a smile looked at the cake before they boxed it up. You went to a store next to the bakery and asked them for some candles and other decor. You got what you needed, white, black and silver themed decor and walked out. You checked the time..7... Since when did it take you an hour for this? Oh well now the real part was...getting in his apartment... without... ruining the cake.

You went to his apartment and tried to open the lock with a bobby pin but failed miserably at that. You opted on the second best solution, getting in via balcony. You asked Atsushi to boost you as his apartment was not so far away and he helped, your thanked him and said your goodbye before forcefully opening the balcony door. You got in and immediately started setting things up. Cake in the fridge for now. Balloons and streamers on the Walls and chairs. Some confetti on the floor and just more decor. Now all you got to do is wait...and waiting won't be that long since it was already about time 11 pm. You sat with a party popper in your hand right behind his door.

You went through your phone and texted him

'are you done with your mission? It's Abit late?' As a sign for concern hiding your intentions. He replied with

'on my way home mission went well everything was solved because of me ofc'

You chuckled at his boasting and got ready for him to arrive.

Dazai's keys clung on the door and he sighed as soon as he entered. He opening the lights and...

*BASH* "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMU!"

His eyes widened after seeing you and the scene before him. There were balloons and streamers everywhere, confetti on the floor candles lit on the table...and on the table a cake. He was speechless to say the least, yes he did expect you to be doing something but not like this, he felt an overwhelming amount of emotions for the first time...you cared for him? So much to do all of this for him? Did he deserve to have all of this?

He smiled widely and unexpectedly hugged you, his face and a hint of pink but was hidden when he hugged you. You smiled as he did so and said

" you like it ?"

He said

"couldn't ask for more"

You two went on and you asked him to cut the cake, while you sang happy birthday with candles around it. To say the least dazai developed a deeper crush on you than he already had...

»»———︵‿︵‿୨♡୧︵‿︵‿———-««

#bsd imagine #bsd #dazai x reader #bsd scenarios #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #mafia dazai x reader #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd imagines #bsd x reader

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sugarcoatedcigs · 9 months ago

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♡ mini series: enduring you pt.2 ♡

[pt.1 right here]

a/n: it’s an understatement when i say i am WEEPING FOR BLACK TSHIRT ELLIE. (and no i am not talking about my eyes) anyways!

summary: ellie has been…off since your first interaction with her. at dina’s party, ellie and you share a joint alone. what will come of this?

word count: 1.7k

warnings: slow burn, alcohol and weed consumption, a lil angst :,)

well fuck. i swallow the knot that formed in my throat, hopefully ellie wasn't staining dina's opinion of me. dina then snapped me out of my thoughts, "well get in here silly." while coming in, i glanced at ellie where she had taken up half of the small couch with her manspreading. her hands were fidgeting with a cup she was holding.

dinas house was warm and inviting, just like her. i looked around every inch, except where ellie sat. i could feel her eyes on me. "wow nice place. it's got charm." dina smiled wider, "isn't it great? why don't i get you some tea?" before i said anything she was already out of the living room. goddamnit dina. you leave when i need you most. i pretended to look more around the house but then ellie cleared her throat.

"so we're neighbors huh?" her voice was gruff and bored. i paused at my looking around to meet her gaze, she was looking through her hung eyes with disinterest. responding with the same bored tone, i said "uh huh. neighbors." there was a drawn out pause then she started again, "you can come by anytime i guess." her eyes dropped to the ground, and she scratches her lips. that's something i wasn't expecting.

before i could reply, dina came in with a cup of tea for me. "it's chamomile from the town garden. i put some honey in it too." she passed me the cup and then ellie stood up suddenly and made her way towards the door. her eyes met mine again and they slowly dropped until they were back on the ground. opening the door she nodded at dina, "i should get going. bye d." she closed the door leaving me a lil stunned. why was she acting weird? i mean i only have had a few interactions with her but this one was different. "what's with her?" dina hummed lowly, "poor thing. she got dumped today." i debated telling dina about this mornings interruption with my sleep, but i decided against it. the situation must complicated, better to stay out of it.

...

dina and i wrapped up after i was done with my tea. now i was back at my apartment, getting giddy as dina's party was approaching.

for tonight, i decided on a black sleeve that just so happens to be showing just a little lil cleavage. and the usual jeans, with my only puffy jacket. should be good. i was going to be late if i didn't leave now so i hurried out the door.

...

i opened the door to an unknown smell. it smelled pungent and earthy. i took my jacket and scarf off and out of 20ish people i spotted dina in a corner with jesse. while making my way towards them i saw ellie, she was with someone and they looked both upset. that must be the girlfriend. ellie, was dressed in a black tee shirt and some rough jeans. her hair pulled back half up half down. her eyebrows furrowed as she looked frustrated. i squeezed my thighs together as i took in her muscles peeking out of the shirt.

"hey y/n!" dina called out to me, interrupting my staring. she was smiling bright as always. when i got into earshot i asked, "what's that smell?" she giggled, "its weed for the party, ellie got it. have you tried some before? ask her for some." dina and i looked over to ellie in unison, where she was still arguing with her girlfriend. then dina winced, "well maybe ask later. you want a beer in the meantime? we also got some tequila over in the kitchen." i smiled, "i'm feeling tequila. i'll be back." when entering the kitchen i spotted the liquor and poured myself a lil shot, i shot it back feeling the liquor wash down my throat. i felt immediately warmer and excited. then music started to play in the other room and everyone started to dance. i happily joined in and started to dance with dina. a busty bass song came on and we were both feeling it. "fuck yeah!" dina screamed. we both moved our hips and swung our bodies around to the beat. but then my dancing got interrupted when i felt the need to pee. well fuck. i partially yelled at dina, "i need to pee! wheres the bathroom?" dina pointed down a darker hallway and i made my way over there, weaving through people. i spotted a door, this must be it. the door was unlocked and upon opening...i find ellie. she was leaning on the counter when i bursted in looking dazed at the wall. she, surprised, said "what the fuck?" i gulped and sheepishly looked back on the ground. shit.

"oh sorry. i didn't know it was being used." i maintained looking at the floor (hoping she didn't think im a creep) while i was shutting the door. then she stopped my attempt by grabbing the edge and said "no go ahead. i'm not using it anyway." she eyed me as i rushed in, "thank you thank you!" once she got out, i slammed the door and rushed over to the toilet. i sighed as the feeling of relief washed over me. thank fuck. it felt like 2 minutes of peeing but maybe it's because i was tipsy.

when i was done washing up i opened the door and ellie was still standing there. it was an awkward second of just her eyes staring into mine until she opened her mouth to a lit joint. i watched her take a puff in and then she offered it to me. "you want some?" i nodded. the joint, in between her pointer and middle passed to me. her skin brushed against mine and i licked my lips nervously. i eyed her hands, which looked rough with little scars scattered them. her eyes train on me as i brought the joint up and took a puff in just like she did. it was heavy in my chest when inhaling. i looked at her before exhaling and then released the smoke. huh. that wasn't so hard.

her mouth was slightly agape and her eyes were low. then she smirked a little bit, "i thought you'd cough." if i had been sober i would of been offended but i took this as a compliment instead. i smiled and then took another puff. i hummed at the feeling. i think i like this. i offered the joint back to her and looked over at the end of the hall where everyone was dancing. the music vibrated through the walls and it was started to become muffled. i felt relaxed, and my brain started to tingle. i laughed under my breath, this feels weird. ellie chuckled and smiled, "you're fucking high." i started to laugh. "shit maybe i am." silence took over the both of us and we were content with leaning on the walls outside of the bathroom. i looked at her. her eyes were trained on the ground, deep in thought. "can i ask you a question?" i said. she hummed and looked back up at me, "shoot." she took another puff. maybe it was the liquor courage had but i was curious. despite it not being my business it felt like this was my only time to say it.

"i know this isn't my business...but what's going on between you and that other girl?" i didn't know what to expect for a response maybe she'd get mad and tell me to fuck off or punch me. but she didn't, instead she furrowed her brows, "why?" i sighed (partly in relief), "i saw you when i got here. you looked upset." yeah i saw her, practically ogled her actually. her face was unreadable for a second or two. then she took a deep breath, "she broke up with me today because she's been seeing someone else. her name was cat." oh. her eyes looked down. then she licked her lips and bit down on them. i blurted, "i'm sorry." feeling a since of regret from asking. she started to laugh, holding the joint in one hand and the other pinching the bridge of her nose. she slowly stopped and looked at me, "sorry, i just i don't know why i told you. i mean i don't even know you." i laughed at that. "yeah i guess that doesn't really make sense."

she was still smiling but looked down. the more i looked at her the more features i noticed. her eyes especially drew in my attention, she had long lashes and her eyes were really fucking pretty. shades of hazel and green. her scar on her eyebrow suited her a lot. and her lips. they were the perfect plump pink lips and they also had a barley visible scar. a strand of hair fell in front of her face. i had the urge to tuck it back and kiss her but i didn't. my trance was interrupted by her eyes flicking back up at mine. but they didn't stop at my eyes. they stopped at the base of my shirts v neck. i saw her chest rise as she took a long inhale in. she stopped staring and adjusted her posture. i could see her ears turn a shade to red when she looked up at my face. she cleared her throat and was about to say something but got interrupted by a sudden noise in the room where everybody was. it sounds like someone broke something. we both started to walk towards the commotion trying to get an idea of what happened. someone had broke the coffee table. jesse was evidently mad and dina didn't seem to be that upset. i heard a "fuck" under her breath. when i turned to her she was leaving. i watched her back as she moved through the crowd. i didn't reach out or say anything.

hang in tight. pt.3 will be a wild one. and i promise you smut:-)

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie x reader #ellie williams imagine #tlou2

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fakeuwus · 1 year ago

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GUILTY CONSCIENCE | sim jaeyun

now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ guilty conscience by 070 shake

⁺ ⋆˚ genre: idol!jake x nonidol/femreader, just angst man am i sorry, established relationship

⁺ ⋆˚ warnings: lowercase intended, cursing, being drunk, infidelity, gaslighting(?), baby is used as a nickname, one suggestive text, jay is mentioned BRIEFLY

⁺ ⋆˚ word count: ~1.2k

⁺ ⋆˚ message from nic: i know i already did a piece ab cheating but all of my works are inspired by songs or i try to connect them to a song,,, i just feel it sets the tone of the story and its fun to connect a story to a song!! and since this song is one of my favs atm i HAD to write ab it. i definitely recommend u guys listen to the song while reading or even listen to it after. kinda ironic how cheating is one of my pet peeves (i fr despise it sm dont get me started) yet here i am writing ab it lmao. i promise i'll write something more lighthearted and/or anything that isn't angst soon LOL. but hope y'all enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

"5 AM when i walked in, could not believe what i saw"

yn: JAKEY JAKE JAKEY pleaseee come tk the club rn i habent seen u since u got nack :(

jake chuckles at the message as he reads it. he glances over at the clock that reads 4:38 AM. he knows that clubs in korea don’t close until 8 but god damn how are you still partying with your friends this late? he figures that you must’ve had a little too much to drink and your party animals for friends don’t help at all.

jake: ik baby but we had schedules right when we landed and im so tired… how are u even still there rn???

yn: TOO MICJ FUN :D

yn: COME HAVE FUN WITH ME BABY ;)

jake: u make it rlly hard to say no to u

jake: ill be there soon<3

jake sighs as he rises from his bed, making sure not to wake jay who’s fast asleep. he envies how jay can be sleeping so peacefully when jake is experiencing the worst jet lag of his life. you being out at 4 in the morning and his racing mind doesn't help him try to get some shut eye either.

he dresses quickly, making sure it's quiet when he exits the dorms. it’s not his finest fashion moment but he could care less about what he looks like. he’s only going out to see you and to possibly save you from whatever crazy antics you and the girls are up to.

jake isn’t going to lie when he says he hasn’t made the best effort to see you after getting back from tour. but he also didn’t lie when he said his schedule was super jam packed these days. he should’ve immediately ran to you as soon as he landed but he just didn’t have it in him. guilt gnawed away at his heart as he hailed a cab to lead him to the club you were having the time of your life at.

jake enters the back of the club smoothly without drawing any attention. thankfully your friends secured a vip table upstairs in a secluded area, making it easy for clubgoers to not notice that an idol was going to a club at godforsaken hours.

approaching the table he sees you right away. it’s not hard to spot your beautiful red dress, hugging every curve on your body. your long hair flows as you sway your hips back and forth. jake smiles to himself. how did he manage to bag the most gorgeous girl in all of seoul, korea? it was clear you were having way too much fun, giggling and dancing with your friends and-

he quietly gasps. the scene before him makes him halt in his tracks. it was like time stopped and the flashing lights began to blind his vision. his heart rate slowed and his palms were becoming clammy.

maybe he was mistaken. there was no way you would do this to him, he thinks. but there you were cuddled up next to a man, drunk out of your mind. jake can't stand another minute watching you and the mysterious person grind up against one another.

in a blinded rage he rushes towards the guy and pushes him away from you with all of his power. “GET THE FUCK OFF MY GIRL!” you shriek and the guy stumbles backwards sending a few drinks flying off of a nearby table. “YOU MIND TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE YN?!”

your mouth is agape and your mind is scrambling to figure out what to say. you know you can’t explain how you were practically dry humping a stranger, too shocked and the alcohol still strong in your system. you're struggling to say something, anything to try to make things right.

“and you,” jake turns and gets too close to the man’s face. “she’s clearly too inebriated to make the right decisions. how DARE you take advantage of her like that?!” you’re confused as to why he’s flipping the script and blaming the stranger but jake rips you away from everyone too fast for you to think another second. you stumble as you’re dragged away to a dark corner.

the two of you are standing in awkward silence, no one daring to say a word. your eyes are looking everywhere but jake. you’re too afraid to see what kind of expression his face has. “jake i-” “no. you don’t get to speak right now. there’s nothing you could say to justify what i just saw.”

ragged breaths begin to come out of your mouth and your chest is tightening. “jake please baby i just- i was so drunk and these guys came up to us and…” your sentence trails off, every word you’re saying just sounds so ridiculous at the moment. he’s right. you couldn’t say anything to excuse your wrongful actions.

“and to think i came here at fuck ass o’ clock just to come and see you. i’ve barely gotten an ounce of sleep these days but i gave that up to come because you were BEGGING for me to be here.” his voice is angry and you know he has every right to be screaming at you. at this point tears are threatening to spill from both of your guys’ eyes. “jake… i know i know and i’m so sorry i swear nothing like that-”

“NO. no just no,” he pauses carefully choosing the words he’s about to say next. “you’re right. there won’t be a next time… we’re done.” the tears that brimmed your lashes are now falling. the alcohol that once ran through you is now gone. you move to grab his hand but he takes a step back. the distance between you two grows larger and he seems out of reach.

“jake please we can work this out! please don’t leave me because of this.” your pleas are ringing in his ears but he ignores them. “we can’t come back from this yn. how could you think i’d ever trust you from now on?! don’t contact me ever. have a nice life.” the loud music pounds on the walls just like your heart is in your chest. you’re left alone sobbing, wondering how you managed to fuck up the best relationship you’ve ever had.

jake stumbles out of the club, trying to clutch onto anything to help him out. the fresh breeze of the night blows onto his face and helps him regain his breath. he struggles to get his thoughts together as he walks down the sidewalk back to the dorms.

maybe he was too harsh with the way he spoke to you but he knew it had to be done. seeing you cling onto someone that wasn't him was his ticket out. he knows that you're absolutely going to be broken for awhile but you'll be okay, right? he knows that you're going to blame yourself for this for who knows how long but you're going to be fine in the end, right?

he convinces himself that it's better you than him because now,

he'll never have to admit what he was doing while he was away from you on tour.

"i caught you but you never caught me, i was sitting here waiting on karma, there goes my guilty conscience."

#nic's library ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚#fakeuwus #jake fic #jake enhypen #enhypen fic #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #jake x reader #sim jaeyun x reader #sim jaeyun #enhypen au #enha #fanfic #fem reader

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love-and-deepspace-wiki · 15 days ago

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Speculation: Noah = Jeremiah

Okay, here's part two of my Jeremiah post and my Noah post, as promised. I'm unsure if this theory has already made the rounds or not, so I may be late to the party lol. Either way, I think it's still worth it to map out my reasoning and evidence. Let me know what you think, though!

The Theory:

I've long suspected that Noah and Jeremiah are one and the same. So, if it pleases the jury, I will now offer exhibits A through F into evidence.

The Evidence:

Exhibit A: Alternate Identities

Both Noah and Jeremiah have a canonical connection to creating new identities. Noah stated that he planned to use Xavier's archive file for a new identity (left). And Jeremiah's in-game note says he "has a lot of 'skills' such as creating new identities" (right).

Exhibit B: Earth Food

The Anecdotes and World Underneath stories clearly establish that both characters have an aversion/dislike of "Earth food". In the Anecdotes story "Passing By", when Xavier mentions that he was making food, Noah teases him by criticizing human food and says he "[doesn't] get why [he] likes it" (below).

In the World Underneath story "From the Stars", Xavier is surprised when Jeremiah purchases a cake from Sweetie's Cake Shop and says "I thought you said you couldn't get used to Earth food" (left). Later in the story, it's mentioned that Jeremiah still doesn't understand Earthling's diverse tastes (right).

Exhibit C: Love Interest

In the World Underneath story, it is clearly established that Jeremiah had fallen in love with Bella (so much so that he intended to marry her). Meanwhile, in the Anecdotes story, Xavier mentions the fact that Noah "fell in love with some1 here".

Exhibit D: "normal person" & "ordinary person"

In the Anecdotes story, Noah says that he wanted to use Xavier's archive file for a new identity because he "wants to be an ordinary person in this timeline" (left). And the day that Noah arrives to retrieve the file is when he first referred to Xavier as his "former friend" (right).

In the World Underneath story, Jeremiah mentions that he lost contact with Xavier after assuming the identity of a "normal person" (below).

Exhibit E: Backtrackers & Traceback II

Both Noah and Jeremiah reference a past with the Backtrackers. Jeremiah refers to the Backtrackers and Traceback II multiple times in the World Underneath story (left). And Noah mentions both in his message conversation with Xavier (right).

Exhibit F: Order of Lightseekers

In the World Underneath story, Jeremiah mentions that he was once part of the Order of Lightseekers (left). While Noah doesn't mention the Order of Lightseekers in the Anecdotes story, both of Xavier's Lightseeker outfits (Dawn's Traveler and Polar Odyssey) have a purple ornament that says "Noah II" (right).

#love and deepspace #lads #speculations and theories #lads theories #love and deepspace theories #lads speculations #love and deepspace speculations #love and deepspace noah #lads noah #lads jeremiah #love and deepspace jeremiah

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paingoes · 4 months ago

Text

Destroyer - Birthday I

(Masterlist)

you guys have NO idea how excited i am to get to this section. this is a two-parter. enjoy :D

(Content: discussions of captivity, slavery, imperialism, illness, and colonialism. alcohol. some very slight dubcon.)

===================

He’d come back to Thales. They’d warned him it was tempting fate, but lightning never strikes the same place twice. And it was about time they did something with the castle. In winter, the frost shone delicately against the outer walls. It reflected the starlight out across the lawn, its colors glistening as if made of moonstone.

It was Paris’s birthday. They would celebrate here. There was enough notice given to the staff for them to restore the castle to a fraction of its former glory, then almost enough time to manage the actual preparations. Nobody could say that he did not understand showmanship. The inside of Castle Thales was ethereal and ancient. All the ghosts were out tonight.

He didn’t get anything out of it, not really. He smoked alone in the garden, the icy remnants of the summer flowers crushed down by his boots. He watched the procession of guests through the doors without much enthusiasm. He had no use for them socially, no interest in business tonight. He was already ready for it to be over.

He tossed the cigarette butt out onto the frozen grass, turning to go back inside.

“Paris!” Her voice carried across the field. She almost knocked him over, arms flying around his neck. He stumbled before he caught her.

“I’m so sorry, I meant to see you sooner,” Her head was fully in his chest, pressing up against the wound, “I saw the footage. Paris, I couldn’t believe it.”

She laughed a little as she withdrew, “Why would you ever have the party here?”

Paris smiled at her, some of the sullenness melting away. Her hair was done in tight curls, but her dress was modern and hung loosely off her body. It made her look more boyish than usual. The diamonds on her face reflected the light shining off the castle.

“Going for symmetry,” Paris’s eyes glanced out to the treeline, a sliver of fearful expectancy still obvious in his voice. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Of course I came,” Lorelai said softly. He had smelled faintly of antiseptic.

He offered her the last cigarette in the pack.

“You just got a new lung! Why do you even have that!” She protested, reaching for it anyway. He lit it up for her. Her lipstick stained the filter.

===================

Delta was exhausted. He’d been given too much to heal from lately. Sierra had spent all afternoon with him, getting more and more frustrated as she found more bruises. His shade was so specific, it took hours to cover up properly. She’d been on the verge of tears before she even got around to working on the others. It was too large a festival for one day. Delta felt for her, but the stress didn’t make her particularly nice to be around. He blinked some of the paint out of his eyes, still feeling the sting of the brushes.

A thick chain connected his collar to the base of the throne. He was very familiar with this specific position. The court had not so long ago belonged to the Emperor. In most ways, it still did. He’d been made to kneel here ever since he had first been acquired. In his memories, the throne had been larger. The space felt too small for him now.

He straightened up, noticing his own slouching. Little jolts ran through his body, one of the best ways he had to wake himself up. These things tended to run long. He raised his head up slightly to look out at the ballroom. It really did look beautiful tonight, but there was something uncanny about it. Something in how the light played. He’d lost track of Paris a while ago, which would’ve been fine, had he not been so anxious about his return. He found himself subconsciously scanning the room for any signs. This time, he caught one.

Paris was hanging by the southern entrance to the hall. A girl - Lorelai? - was standing close to him. Delta recognized the soft copper of her hair, but couldn’t see her face from her position. She turned around suddenly. He jumped a little, realizing she was looking straight at him. He could read Paris’s body language well enough to know they were arguing. Delta quickly bowed his head back down. He wanted nothing to do with it.

He didn’t look back up again until he heard her footsteps approaching – and even then, he tried to avoid it. She was wearing the same boots she had on the first time they met.

“What about you?” She said, leaning down, “Do you wanna dance?”

The diamonds of her face were so striking. They lit up like a kaleidoscope – almost too hard to see past. Paris was standing a few paces behind her, glaring daggers. Delta froze.

She whipped her head around, catching Paris’s sour expression. “Knock it off.”

He laughed. It wasn’t kind. She whirled on him entirely, the ends of her dress spinning behind her. Her fists were clenched. He said something low, through grit teeth. Delta couldn’t make it out, nor could he make out her response. It went on like that for a few turns before Paris threw his hands up.

“You know what? Fine,” He marched over to Delta, grabbing the collar harshly. He flinched. Paris released the lock, letting the chain clatter to the floor.

“Fuck both of you.”

Paris stormed out. Lorelai put her hands to her head, clutching her own hair in frustration.

“God, he’s such a baby sometimes.” She groaned.

She turned to look at Delta again. He was visibly grimacing, staring out in the direction Paris had left. He rubbed at his neck absently, a bit sore from where the chain had been yanked.

Lorelai extended her hand, “You can hang out with me if you want. Forget him.”

Delta eyed her warily. Her expression was warm — not mocking, as he feared she meant to be. It wasn’t a good idea. Yet he knew on some level the damage was already done. He had nothing better to do with his night. He gingerly took her hand. It was much softer than he had expected.

===================

Delta walked behind her with the quiet resignation of someone who was dragged everywhere, all the time. He didn’t have a problem with shadowing her, but it made him a little nervous to navigate the crowd this way. Seeming to sense this, she pushed out through a side door, into a more deserted corridor. The castle was labyrinthine to the two of them.

“It’s eerie that they decorated every room. Aren’t these supposed to be off-limits?” Lorelai mused, “I can’t tell what the theme is. Time?”

Delta was silent. She released his hand, tilting her head at him.

“You don’t like parties, I bet.”

“No, miss.” He blushed a little, rolling his shoulder back. She frowned.

“Want to get some air?”

“Yes, miss.”

She led him out onto the third floor balcony, which was also supposed to be off-limits. There were chairs up there, but she sat up on the stone railing. Delta lingered in the doorway. The stars were tinted with purple. The twin moons of Thales hung in different quadrants of the sky.

“You know, my folks didn’t want me to come to this,” Lorelai smiled a little, “Not after last time. You were there, weren’t you?”

Delta hesitated, “…For the assassination?”

She nodded. “What was it like?”

Again, he paused. He wasn’t used to open-ended questions. They made him a bit suspicious. He tried to feel out if a trap had been laid.

“Abrupt,” he said finally, “It only took a second. Miss.”

She felt her own chest, her manicured hands making small circles in her sternum.

“I can’t imagine. I really can’t.” She shook her head. “I could never go military, I’m too scared of pain. I used to cry like a baby whenever I had to get a shot.”

Delta’s bruises were invisible beneath the makeup. No question had been posed to him. He didn’t speak.

===================

He couldn’t deal with whiskey again. The smell alone made him nauseous, spurred the migraine forth for as long as he was around it. Lorelai accepted this condition gracefully. She had disappeared at the bar for a little while, re-emerging with two pink glasses.

“Try it, it tastes like juice,” She looked at him with huge eyes, pushing it into his hands.

“Thank you,” he whispered. She looped her arm in his, slipping back out from the crowded hall. The cold night wind bit into them as soon as the side door opened.

Delta could feel it coming on, but he couldn’t stop it. He loosened up too much when he was drunk. He forgot everything he was trying to safeguard. But Lorelai was so nice. He didn’t feel afraid to talk, the way he had been all the time recently. She giggled when she noticed she was getting real answers out of him. It wasn’t mean.

“My mom said if I take a year off, I’ll never go back. They keep threatening to cut me off and I don’t have the heart to tell them I really don’t care. I never wanted their money. I mean, I was glad to have it when I did, but I’m an adult now. I have dreams! I don’t wanna be their baby anymore.” She bumped into him, spilling a bit of her drink, “So what do you do?”

“Murders and executions, mostly.”

“Oh. Right.” She seemed embarrassed to have asked. “Come look at this.”

She trotted over to the steel fence surrounding the castle grounds. Delta strolled along a few steps behind her.

“You’ve been here before?” His voice was so soft, the wind almost carried it away.

“Few times. Not recently. I hope they’re still here,” She jogged the last steps to the flowerbed, then did a running slide onto her knees into the dirt.

“Ah! Cold!” She cried out, “Don’t do that!”

He hadn’t planned to. He bent down beside her to examine the bed. It was a little frosted over, but there were still white flowers visible this late in the season. Lorelai cupped one between her hands like she wanted to pick it, then stopped herself.

“Noella-nas. It’s a good story. You heard it?”

“No, miss.”

“During the settling of Swanni in the late medieval period, all of King Cataline’s court came down with this mysterious pox. It came for his wife and children first, then spread throughout the court. Eventually all of the pilgrims had contracted it. They called it Whicap. It would start inside their bones and eat its way out. It took off their arms and legs one at a time. King Cataline was sure they all would be killed if the plague carried on. So he went out into the wilderness to speak with the native people. They had seen Whicap before. They showed him the place where Noella-nas grows. He cut it out of the ground and brought it back to his court alchemist. The petals of Noella-nas were the cure for their illness. That’s how the pilgrims at Swanni survived their first decade. That’s why their children still live there today.”

She plucked a single petal off and rolled it between her fingers.

“They’re extinct in the wild. The forests they grew in were leveled and turned into farmland. Thales keeps growing them as a heritage project. Nobody really gets Whicap anymore, anyway.”

Her dress was dirty. Her knees had been scraped up and the soil of the courtyard was sticking in the wound. She popped the petal into her mouth, letting it melt there. It tasted like marshmallow root.

“Is it alright if I ask where you’re from?” She turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were bleary.

“I was born in captivity. I’m not from anywhere,” He answered. Despite the cold weather, he was strangely warm. Lorelai put her hand to her mouth, tracing her own lips as if to self-soothe.

“Oh. I thought you might be from one of the outer colonies. I can count on one hand the number of people I’ve met who were born outside Empire. It’s so scary. It’s too big. Did you just say you were born in captivity?”

He was starting to understand Paris better. He now knew what it was like to be physically incapable of shutting up.

“Yeah. Or I was surrendered to the Institute while I was still really young. I don’t have any memories of ever living outside of it.” He paused. “It’s probably easier that way. We would sometimes get kids who’d been surrendered at age seven or so. They never lasted long. They just couldn’t adjust to it.”

Lorelai fully covered her face now. “I don’t know how you can forgive us. I don’t know how anyone ever could.”

The air around them sparked. Delta, embarrassed, tried desperately to ground himself. Little arcs of electricity were coming off of him in a way he couldn’t control. Lorelai kept her face buried in her hands and would not get up until Delta asked her to come back where it was warm.

===================

They went into the basement. Delta had asked nicely. He got the strange sense he might never have another chance to see it. The door was locked, but the lock was not strong. It wasn’t the same one they’d had when Delta was kept there. Lorelai kicked like a mule. It burst open.

Delta got a little woozy at the sight of the stairs. They were ivory and covered by a finely woven rug. Its wine red shade had faded mostly to brown. The two of them descended.

The floor came into view first. It was warm marble tiling, inlaid with gold. It spread out in their vision as they neared the bottom. It spread — and there was very little else.

“Oh,” Delta realized, “They got rid of it.”

The expensive and well-insulated material that had made up the walls of his room were torn down. All that was left were the support structures. Thin beams of rebar descended from the ceiling and down into the tile. They marked out the perimeter where the room had once ended. Standing alone, they looked a lot like the bars of a cage.

Lorelai slipped in between them. The light sound of her boots clicking on the tile suddenly changed as it came into contact with the old floor. It was well insulated, meant for grounding. Her steps sounded heavier. They made a dull echo throughout the room.

She spun around, running her fingers along the bars.

“It’s so small,” she said.

“I was younger when they built it,” Delta said weakly. He didn’t know why he was defending them. He didn’t even want to get close. He glanced around again. The outer walls of the basement were decorated with simple paintings and tapestries. Besides that, there was nothing else down there.

“I think they took the rest of my stuff,” he concluded, a small note of bitterness creeping into his voice. When he’d first gotten aboard the Thorn, Simon had packed him two suitcases. One was all clothes. The other was mostly books. Everything else he’d owned had been lost for a long time. Some small part of him hoped he might find it here.

Maybe it was for the best though. Had the room still been intact, he doubted he could’ve brought himself to enter it. Just the idea of it made him nauseous.

Lorelai slipped out from between the bars. She leaned her hip against the one of them and hooked her arm around another as if to steady herself. The rust of the rebar stained her skin. She didn’t seem to notice.

“That’s…really scary,” she says slowly, “I’m sorry.”

Delta brushes a strand of hair from his face.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Lorelai continued, “Do you want to go back up?”

He nods.

===================

“I mean, I guess I’m sorry it’s still happening,” she said.

“What?” Delta asked. They were on the balcony again. She’d gotten them more drinks. It was starting to be an unwise amount. She sipped at her mojito pensively. The silly straw did nothing to alleviate her grief.

“With you. I’m sorry you have to live like this.” Lorelai braced herself against the stone railing, looking straight down into the garden.

Delta didn’t answer.

“I like Paris, you know. He’s my friend. But he’s a lot sometimes. I don’t know.” She paused:

“...Is he good to you?”

She turned her head slightly to see if his expression changed. He was gazing out into the surrounding woods. The top of the ship was just barely visible over the treetops. The question hung in the air. Delta rubbed at his neck.

“I don’t think he wants to be this way.” He said finally. “He just…gets himself so worked up.”

She nodded like she understood. The sky was clouding up; her cup was empty again. When she moved to stand, her gait was wobbly. The glass toppled over. Delta caught her before she could fall too.

“Are you okay, miss?” Delta asked, a muted note of concern in his voice. He was used to the drunken two-step by now. At least with her, it didn’t hold the threat of sudden violence.

“I’m tired,” she murmured, “I’m…really tired.”

Delta led her back down the stairs to the ballroom. He flagged down her friends, who seemed to recognize the danger. They gathered to come collect her. Before he could pass her off, she leaned over and quickly pecked him on the cheek.

Delta blushed as her friends led her away. The party was over, anyway. She cast a last glance over her shoulder. Her expression was unreadable.

He traced the skin where she had kissed him. It had been right on top of the bruise.

~~~

Tags: @catnykit @indigoviolet311 @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump @pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire @micechomper

#whump #whump community #whump scenario #living weapon whumpee #whump prompt #living weapon #captivity #dubcon #delta is okay w it but its still kind of a grey area w him ykwim #delta #paris #lorelai #alcohol #also this is probably obvious but i want to say it anyway. it’s impossible for lorelai or delta to be objective abt paris #they both have love goggles for him to different extents

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