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izzy-b-hands · 2 years ago

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Day Two: Fuckery Or Tavern

A nice, quiet date night at Spanish Jackie's, full of booze and... mostly just that, actually. And the three of them being very relaxed and silly.

Hint of Rizzy at the end, bc i couldn't help myself lol.

TW for drunkness/alcohol and emetophobia (they go a bit too hard and pay the price for it lol)

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"What's that face for?" Stede chuckles. "Olu, are you worried about us?"

"You, yes," Olu scoffs. "With respect, the last time you went into Spanish Jackie's-"

"Things are different now! Ed said he wrote her ages ago that we'd be in the next time we got close to the Republic, and-"

"Right, you told us all about that, but that doesn't change the fact that if she has a chance to kill you, she will. Just because."

"Just because? Seems a poor reason to kill someone," Stede's nose wrinkles. "Well, then I will win her affections with this visit, and she'll never want to kill me again!"

Olu nods. "So, I told Izzy if shit goes down that we'll be ready to leave at a moment's notice. Everyone is on board with that, and they don't mind hanging close to the ship for it."

"You worry too much!" Stede pats his shoulder and gestures to his outfit. "Good? Piratey and sexy, yeah?"

"For a plain black shirt and tr-" Olu pauses. "That's Izzy's shirt. If you're wearing that, what is he-"

"We're done!" Ed makes his way out of the secret passageway, Izzy behind him. "Olu, good! Give us all a once-over before we head out for date night, make sure we look-"

"Sexy, yeah," Olu says. "Are you just going out with Izzy's vest as your top?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Ed motions to it. "Soft and comfy and worn in, and I get to show off a little. And Izzy-"

He moves aside and gently pushes Izzy forward. "As you can see, has borrowed from both of us."

The trousers are clearly Stede's (black silk and tight), the shirt one of Ed's (a black crop top), but everything else is still Izzy's, including the cravat and ring that hasn't been loosened even an inch.

"If I saw you guys in a tavern-" Olu starts, only to turn at the room door flying open.

"He'd fuck you all in a heartbeat," Jim finishes. "Come on, I need help convincing Buttons and the Swede not to host a knife catching contest."

"Did you offer to be in said contest?" Olu smiles.

"That's assistant first mate to crew confidentiality," Jim replies. "If you aren't gonna stop us, then Roach at least wants another pair of hands ready for stitching people up."

"We'll be fine," Olu says. "No one is going to be too horribly stabbed on my watch."

"My ear!" is the shout from outside that sends Olu and Jim hurrying off, and leaves the three of them to head ashore.

"Do you think Jim meant that?" Stede asks. "Not that I fancy Olu like that, would be inappropriate in the workplace-"

"He'd have to wait his turn anyway," Ed interrupts. "You look so good. Izzy's shirt, my extra trousers, which you should really wear more often-"

"They're so much work to get on! Otherwise, I might consider it," Stede sighs. "Oh no."

"Jackie," Izzy strides towards the door of the tavern. "You are not in quarantine. This lie might have worked on Jack, but that's only because he doesn't care where he drinks in the end."

Her head pops out as the door opens. "Would you shut up?! Ed and Stede will hear y-oh."

She slips all the way outside with a grimace. "Ed, Stede, hey! So, as you can see, y'all are gonna have to go elsewhere tonight-"

"Is this because of me and Jack?" Ed asks. "Because we were young, and stupid-"

"It was three years ago," Jackie interjects.

"I've learned a lot in those three years, and Jack is dead! We've all grown as people."

"If I let you in," Jackie sighs deeply. "And that is an if, you promise that fucker is under your control at all times. Or I'll cut off more than his nose."

Stede scoffs loudly. "Are you referring to me?"

"Sure as fuck ain't referring to Izzy," she says. "Worst he does is fall asleep after a few drinks."

"Come on," Izzy mutters.

"You do! It's okay, not a bad thing!"

"Is it just wine that does it? He claims it's just wine," Stede says.

"Fuck no, it's everything. Cute too, he lays his lil head down by his cup, gets all snuggly," Jackie giggles. "Shit is adorable."

"Adorable," Izzy grumbles. "Are we allowed in or not?"

"He needs the sleep, grumpy little fucker," Jackie opens the door and motions them in. "Hurry up before I change my mind."

They pile into a fairly empty tavern; the quarantine signs had been up long enough to keep most people away, apparently.

"Shots?" Ed asks.

"Already?" Izzy mutters, but he takes the offered tray of them to a table as soon as Jackie's latest barkeep hands it over.

"Can I ask what exactly happened with Jack here?" Stede murmurs as they settle into their seats at the corner table. "Or do I not want to know?"

"You've seen Jack drunk," Ed starts.

"Who hasn't," Izzy snorts under his breath.

"Iz!"

"He's right," Stede says. "But anyway."

"Anyway, he can get a bit wild, and he sort of got offended when no one would dance with him-"

"Important to know, there wasn't a band in for the night," Izzy interrupts. "There was nothing to dance to except his own version of shanties he barely remembered."

"You could have sang," Ed says. "He did ask you if you would."

"You sing?" Stede's eyes light up, and Izzy downs a shot.

"Yes. I'm not doing so here tonight, and that's that."

"So Jack got up and started dancing alone," Ed continues. "And when no one would join in he got... well..."

"He cost us the biggest sum of money I've ever spent in bribes to make something go away," Izzy scoffs. "Literally, everything we had on us and a few of the extra rings we wore that night. And I'm sure Jackie was still in the red with all the damage he did. Somehow didn't break the nose jar though."

"Because he thought it was haunted," Ed supplies before down a shot himself. "Why, I'll never know."

"Might be all the noses and the presumption that they're likely dead if they lost their nose," Stede notes. "Not that I think the soul resides in the nose or anything."

"Maybe it's in the liver," Ed giggles, and they burst out into rapidly softened laughter at Jackie's glare.

"See?" Stede grins. "She's worrying for nothing. We'll have a nice couple of hours here, drink until we're stumbling, then go back home."

"She's got the stomach for it," Stede's drink sloshes over the rim of his glass. "But Doug doesn't. He's very nice, don't get me wrong. Pretty eyes. But he could never be a pirate."

"Okay, okay, okay," Izzy says. "But I didn't think you could hack it either, and you've surprised me. Who could say that Doug couldn't do the same?"

"Who would watch the children then?" Stede protests. "They can't be alone yet, not old enough..."

"I could watch them," Ed says. "They sound like good kids."

"Alma once spent a day setting the drapes on fire to see what would happen," Stede sighs. "We only found out after the fifteenth one, because she couldn't put that one out on her own."

"Right, she's your kid, we know that already," Izzy chuckles.

"I don't like setting things on fire!"

"Dickfuck, yes you do!" Ed laughs. "You set stuff on fire all the time! The party alone, you set on fire so many guys!"

"Technically!" Stede protests. "Hm. There was the island after that. And the last four ships we raided... it's just so pretty! All the colours and the warmth of it..."

"Does the little one set fires yet?" Izzy asks.

"Louis? No, no...he..." Stede frowns. "He doesn't do much of anything yet. Follows his sister around and joins in whatever mischief she's doing. Though, it's been a bit now...he probably does have actual hobbies now, doesn't he?"

"I shouldn't have asked," Izzy pats Stede's back. "You're drunk enough to be weepy."

"You are," Stede sniffles. "Oh, they're better off without me. Good for them. Hopefully they won't burn the house down."

"A toast to not burning down houses!" Ed cheers, and the whole, now much more full, tavern raises glasses with them.

"I hope we didn't just jinx them," Stede mumbles.

"Doug may not be a pirate, but surely he can keep children from setting fires," Izzy sighs. "Are his eyes really that pretty?"

"It's insane," Ed interjects. "He's described them to me, and I'm mad I'll never look the man in the eyes myself, and I hate eye contact most of the time."

"Tell me," Izzy grins, and Stede slides onto his lap as he goes into his lecture about Doug's eyes.

"Jackie," Stede mumbles. "I love you."

"I should have told Olu to come with and drag you guys back," Jackie pats Stede's back, and gently but forcefully ends their hug. "Be safe getting back, alright? I won't be happy if I find out you dumbasses drowned trying to get to the ship."

"We're fine," Izzy says from his seat on the cobblestones. "Just a bit spinny, all of it."

"All of what?" Ed asks.

"Yeah."

"Oh god," Jackie sighs as she shuts the tavern door, and they struggle out into the night.

"I will sing for you sometime," Izzy nudges Stede as they huddle together. "If you'd like."

"I would love! Can I choose the song? Wait, no, I bet you have something you know by heart; I want to hear that!"

"Pretty man with a pretty voice," Ed coos. "Stede, pass this kiss to him, hm?"

He kisses Stede's cheek, and Stede dutifully kisses Izzy's in turn.

"What was Olu even worrying about," Stede says as he leans on Ed. "We're so good."

"So good," Ed agrees. "Can you move your feet before I vomit on them?"

He does, but only just in time.

"I told you both to eat more," Izzy sighs and switches sides, putting Ed in between himself and Stede as they help him along. "No one ever listens to me."

"Maybe if you sang it?" Ed suggests as he wipes off his mouth. "No singing tomorrow though. I can already feel the headache."

"No, tomorrow we nap and Roach will bring us water and something gentle to eat," Stede says happily. "I bet he's already got water waiting in our room."

Izzy nods. "Speaking of, we're at, the ladder is here."

He points upwards, only to gag. "Don't look up. Too much spinning, up."

"Do you maybe have vertigo?" Stede suggests as he gently pushes Ed up the ladder. "Oh, the water is deep here, hm? Nearly knocked me down. But really, based on everything I've heard, it's not anything wrong with you, with the spewing and all-"

As if on cue, Izzy vomits into the water.

"Right, that, like yes, you're drunk but also dizzy, so maybe-"

"Please get up the ladder before we drown, love," Izzy sighs.

"You've done it with that; you know I can't say no when you use pet names on me," Stede grins. "Can you help me?"

They manage to drag each other up, with Olu and Roach helping them the rest of the way with hands held out.

"You three had fun," Roach teases. "Who's gonna feel horrible tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Ed mumbles, leaning against the mast. "What time is it anyway?"

"Later than you said you'd be back by," Olu replies. "Hours later. The sun's due to be up soon, let's get you into your quarters before that happens."

"Like a vampire, but because of booze," Stede says, in the tone of someone giving an academic lecture.

"Sure," Roach motions them towards their quarters. "We're not carrying any of you, so-"

"But Izzy's dizzy," Stede says pathetically.

"I'm fine," Izzy stands from the deck, only to go pale and immediately flop back down.

"His crush on you is only gonna get worse," Ed grins as Roach helps Izzy up, letting him lean against him. "Remember Iz, Stede and I don't mind sharing now and again."

"Ignore him; he's drunk," Izzy protests, but his eyes linger on Roach's lips.

"So are you," Roach chuckles as they make their way finally into the room. "Bed, water, clean clothes for now, and tomorrow we can talk about who is sharing who with who as much as you want."

"Your eyes are even prettier than Doug's," Izzy mumbles softly.

"Is that a good thing?" Roach asks.

"It's a compliment you can't even imagine," Stede sighs and flops onto the bed. "Are there-"

"Buckets, yes," Olu interjects. "And water, and some hardtack, and extra blankets because we guessed Ed might want-"

"Blanket fort!" Ed stumbles forward, reaching for the nearest one. "We'll build and sleep in one tonight. Give me five minutes."

"I'll give you ten," Olu shakes his head. "We'll leave you three to it, and check on you in a bit, yeah?"

"Thank you for watching the ship and everyone, Olu," Stede replies. "You're the Doug of our ship: responsible and gorgeous."

"Thought you didn't fancy him like that?" Ed teases.

"I can appreciate and look without wanting to get in Jim's way," Stede huffs. "I don't think I can sit up again."

Olu bites back a giggle. "You're welcome, and thank you? I think. Please get some sleep."

His and Roach's footsteps trail out, the door gently shutting behind them.

"Ed, shall I help with the fort?" Izzy mutters, leaning against the wall where Roach left him.

But Ed is silent, snuggling on the floor with the blanket he'd grabbed, already lightly dozing.

"Stede," Izzy stumbles his way to the bed. "May I lay with you?"

"You can even be sick on me if you must," Stede pats his chest. "I'd rather you not, of course, but if you can't help it-"

They both grunt as Izzy drops onto the bed.

"Will Ed tell us when the fort is done?" Stede yawns.

Izzy nods, and snuggles up next to him. "Might be a while."

"Good things are worth being patient for. Like this."

"Like what?"

"Like us, the three of us, together," Stede continues. "And blanket forts."

Izzy nods again, already half asleep.

"Morning," Ed sighs, suddenly up again, only to crash down on Stede's free side. "I'll finish it in the morning."

"It's morning now," Stede mumbles, but he doesn't protest when Ed nuzzles against him, and there's no thought of wanting to move from where they are.

The eventual blanket fort, he decides in his last conscious moment, will be where they recover later, when they can stay awake long enough to stand.

#text post #steddyhandslongweekend #steddyhands #long post #they're fine they're just drunk enough to be Feeling It Mr. Krabs u know aksmdkfngk #aka i based it off my last horrific night of drinking where i wound up horribly sick in an Applebee's bathroom #and now I don't drink anymore aksndkakdnfkgn #anyway im tired post writing this and finishing my first shifts of work and now i made myself wish i had a blanket fort lmao

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snuggest · 2 years ago

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TW for description of anxiety attack, insomnia, emetophobia warning, thoughts of dying

Went over 24 hours with no sleep, found myself going through one triggering situation after the next (I got news of another family member dying, which makes it four this year), and by 3 PM yesterday I was having what felt like a non-stop anxiety attack until around 7 PM.

I'm not kidding when I say it's probably the worst I've ever felt physically and mentally in a long, long time. I think it's the worst anxiety attack I ever went through, I've had other bad ones before. But even the most intense panic I've experienced before this wasn't at THIS extreme of a level, and I still got taken in an ambulance to the hospital over it so they treated me there. This time I was basically on my own, my mom is confined to her bed so she can't take care of me, and my dad just... isn't involved. Idk why people say attacks pass after 30 minutes since that definitely wasn't the case this time. Just imagine, 4 hours straight of switching between the bathroom and your bedroom, feeling like you've ruined your life and there's no fixing it, going through every mistake in your head and the possible consequences that will result from it, all while your physical symptoms are going off the charts, your heart is racing out of control, you're on the floor feeling way too weak to pick yourself up, you haven't been able to keep down any food, medicine, or even water, and literally feeling like the only outcome of this is going to be hospitalization or literally just dying on the bathroom floor with your mom not knowing since she's unable to walk. It felt like my heart was going to just beat and beat til giving out, everything was spinning, every time I'd attempt to lay down in bed my nausea would drag me back to the bathroom, intrusive thoughts going full-speed, remembering scenes from my nightmares and having disturbing thoughts rise up to the forefront of my mind, being unable to cry or get any words out excepted pained whines like a kicked dog. Nothing, NOTHING was giving me relief. I was trying so hard but my head couldn't think straight, I tried to pray, but my mind felt like too much of a mess, all I could think of was how I was definitely going to die right then and there, which would at least give me peace, but I don't want to die yet, I really don't.

Throwing up wasn't giving me relief, drinking water would just make me throw up more, laying down just had me feeling uncomfortable, I felt so hot and like my skin and throat and my brain were on fire. I really can't describe properly how terrible it was and how hopeless it left me feeling. I did finally take a nausea medicine (I was still worried I might throw it up, but luckily it stayed down) and also something to sleep. For a while I kept thinking that for sure I would vomit again and that this would turn into like... more than just one night in a row of no sleep, constant vomiting, dizziness, headaches, shakiness, and feeling like I was going to die either at the hospital or at home. But the medicine helped and it stayed down and thankfully, I finally slept.

I'm just going through a tough time and every little thing adds to it. I'm glad I made it through last night which is one reason I'm posting this as a reminder to myself. I survived last night. I really don't want to endure something like this again but at least if I do I know it doesn't last forever. Maybe it doesn't go by as fast as 30 minutes but it does go by.

#emeto tw #anxiety tw #panic tw #mental breakdown #i don't know how many more of these i can take tbh #plus i still feel bad because of a lot of reasons #stuck in a hopeless state of mind #everyone is disappointed in me for not being better already and tbh i'm disappointed in myself too

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themultifandomgal · 2 years ago

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Tommy Shelby- Rest Up

I know some of you may have Emetophobia (I'm ok talking about vomiting but to see it and hear it makes me feel super anxious and nauseous) so just a little warning a head I don’t go into detail but I still wanted to put a warning here ⚠️

I wake up feeling sick for the 5th day in a row now. I turn my head and see Tommy still asleep. I groan sitting up, Tommy shifts next to me

"Mornin" he says in a rough voice

"Good morning" I reply to him trying to not throw up. Tommy can obviously hear the strain in my voice as he now looks up at me confused

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Don't lie to me YN I can hear it in your voice" I sigh

"I just don't feel very well this morning"

"Again?" Tommy now sits up "are you coming down with something?"

"I must be" I shrug

"Why don't you stay in bed today eh?"

"But Tommy..."

"I'm not havin that. Your stayin in bed until your feeling better. Ok?"

"Fine" I huff crossing my arms.

As they day progresses the feeling of needing to throw up comes and goes, but right now I'm in the worst of it. I run to to bathroom, head in the toilet throwing up whatever I had eaten in the day. I feel my hair being moved out of the way so I don't get sick on it. I finally take in a breath once I have finished.

"Let's get you back to bed eh?" I nod my head and Tommy helps me up. I lay back down in bed "try and rest" Tommy places a gentle kiss on my forehead "aunt Polly is coming later to check on you"

"Ok Tommy" I reply in a weak voice. Tommy disappears and I fall asleep in bed.

A few hours later the door opens to reveal Polly

"Hi YN. How are you feeling?"

"Like crap Poll" I chuckle

"How long have you been feeling unwell for?" Polly asks me

"Errm 5ish days. It comes in waves"

"And is today the first time you've been sick?" she asks. I look down at my hand, playing with my wedding ring. I shake my head

"Hmm" Poll places her hand on my forehead "well your not warm. When was your last menstrual cycle?" Polly asks. I frown trying to remember

"Erm I... I don't..." before I know it Polly has her hands on my breasts "Polly what.."

"Well congratulations YN. You and Tommy are going to be parents"

"Your pregnant?" I hear Tommy gasp at the doorway. I continue to look shocked

"Did I hear you correctly?"

"You did" Polly smiles

"Well at least we know why you've been sick" Tommy comes into the room and sits on the bed

"I'll leave you two to talk" Polly walks out of the room. I look at Tommy still shocked

"What are we gonna do Tommy?" I ask

"What do you mean? we're having a baby"

"But this wasn't what we had planned Tom. You're still tryin to go legit with the business"

"YN we have been married for 2 years. We've always said we would like kids. This is just...."

"If you say Gods plan I will beat you with a slipper" I point at my husband who's now smiling which makes me smile then giggle "you wanna do this Tom?"

"Of course I do" Tommy takes my face in his hands "I love you YN. So much. Now I get to love another you"

"I love you too Tommy"

"How do you feel now?" Tommy asks after kissing my forehead

"A little better"

"I've got the maids to make us some soup if you want some?"

"Yeah. Soup sounds good" I smile at Tommy "we're really gonna do this? we're gonna have a baby?" I giddily say getting out of bed

"We are" Tommy picks me up and spins me round laughing. I'm so grateful I get to see this side of Tommy, his playful side. Not many people get to experience this and thankfully I'm one of those few people who do.

#tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x oc #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x wife

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super-unpredictable98 · 2 years ago

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The Eighth Child (~TUA AU~) - Season 3

Chapter 11: Hello Goodbye

Warning: Strong language, mild sexual content, mention of death, emetophobia moments

a/n: So, I skipped the smut for the time being, but if you guys want I could write a separate little drabble talking about Klaus and Vicky's wedding night and all the stuff they experimented with for the first time hehe

(The Eighth Child Masterlist)

Something forced me to wake up. The night before was fantastic, I was able to do things even I can't believe I'd done, and Klaus seemed beyond satisfied with my performance. It was really special to see him vulnerable like that just for me, and I was able to be just as vulnerable. But something forced me to wake up.

My stomach was in a twist, I couldn't believe that I was hungover from two glasses of champagne, that was impossible! But then my mind drifted elsewhere, what if someone messed up the food? What if my body wasn't prepared for that amount of food anymore after I lost all the weight? All I knew is that something was very wrong.

"I feel sick, Klausie!" I cried and he immediately sat up, still half-asleep but he was there. "I think I ate something weird last night, did the cheese smell weird to you? I'm really scared, Klaus, I'm salivating too much!"

"Hey, hey, don't worry. Just breathe with me, okay?" He held my hand while rubbing my back with the other. "Do you wanna go to the bathroom? Do you want me to get a trash can?"

"I don't know! I can't breathe right, do I look pale to you?"

"A little."

"Shit! On our honeymoon too?"

"It's alright, why don't you hum? Humming helps," he took me in his arms while dragging the trash can closer to the bed with his foot. "No stress, it's probably just your nerves catching up to you. The food was great, you didn't drink too much..."

"You said I drank too much! You told me to stop!" I cried in between hums and deep breaths. I was already in a cold sweat, I felt lightheaded and couldn't stand still for a moment, so I was rocking back and forth with my husband like a little child having a meltdown. I was so embarrassed.

"I- Fuck," Klaus muttered. "Did dad say something weird to you last night?"

"No, why?" I rubbed my own arms soothingly.

"He said something to me last night, I thought I was just drunk and imagining things, but it's starting to make sense. He stopped in front of me and took my hands, then he said he hoped the plan would work out, and the timing was really bad because I would... Be a great father for my little girl."

"What?" I screamed in terror. "You think I'm pregnant?"

"Your period was supposed to be here already, right? I even planned a whole red wings situation for our honeymoon. You're ravenous, you're having morning sickness, we weren't so careful back in 63..."

"OH MY GOD, I'M PREGNANT!" I covered my mouth, somehow the shocking news made me forget all about my queasiness and it slowly faded away, giving place to pure horror. There was no worst time in the world to be pregnant, literally! "My brain has been off the rails, I can feel something in here, I just didn't know it was a fetus! And I've been drinking like crazy this past week, I swam in sewage, I got shot several times! And there's a fetus in me!"

"Calm down, let's go back to breathing," Klaus was not any less freaked out than I was, but he had to hold on for my sake. He knew that despite whatever he was feeling, actually carrying the baby was way scarier and more demanding. "Look, being a dad has never really been on my bucket list, but let's face it. It's pretty much a miracle that in 34 years I've had zero pregnancy scares with the number of sex partners I've had."

"That's true..."

"And if I'm gonna do this, I'm glad I'm doing it with you. You're not some random girl I hooked up with at a bar, you're my wife, Liebling. Also, that's not saying you have to keep it, you can do whatever you think it's best. I just don't think we're gonna have the easiest time finding planned parenthood in the current world situation, but you're still early on, less than a month if we conceived in 63..."

"I wanna keep it. I just wanna make sure, get a test, and if I really am, then I wanna keep it," I admitted. Maybe my attitude would be different before, but after that scare when I first arrived in Dallas (which I never told my husband about) and the whole Stanley situation, I felt ready to face whatever was coming.

"Uh cool, that's cool! Maybe we can find a test at the lost and found, want me to go get it while you fill up the bladder a little more?"

"Yeah, please."

I paced around the room for what seemed like forever until someone finally knocked at the door, but when I opened, it wasn't Klaus, it was Allison. She was there smiling, totally different from the person I'd seen since we arrived. I hadn't even exchanged a single word with her that wasn't in a fight this past week.

"Hey, Vicky," she pulled me into a hug which freaked me out even more. "Sorry I left earlier last night. I didn't even congratulate you and Klaus, I haven't been the best sister the last few days."

"Yeah, you've been pretty sour, which I get, but also kinda hurts. But you're still my sister and I still love you."

"That's why you're the heart of this team! Where's Klaus?"

"He left to get some... Stuff."

"Alli! To what do we owe the pleasure?" Klaus quickly hid the box behind him as he maneuvered in reverse to get into the room

"Hey, I just came by real quick to tell you that dad wants to talk to all of us in two hours."

"Okay, we'll see you there," I tilted my head, trying to see what she was really thinking, but she must've realized because suddenly all I could see was the two of us dancing in front of the mirror after doing each other's makeup when we were little. She knew that a sweet memory like that would mollify me.

"See you, have fun you two," she waved before closing the door.

That was weird, but Klaus didn't seem to think so. He was definitely more worried about the result of the test I was about to take.

He insisted on following me to the bathroom and holding the stick so I could concentrate. We both stared at the test for a little under three minutes.

"How come the lost and found here has everything?" I asked.

"I don't know, I always found everything I needed there. I guess it's sort of like a room of requirement... A LINE! Look, look, two lines! The second one is pretty faint, but it's here! We're gonna be parents!" I couldn't tell if he was terrified or happy, but he held me and that was enough.

"That is if the world doesn't end."

"Even if we die, you can carry to term in the void, it'll be okay," Klaus assured. I was about to ask how is it that someone could possibly be born from a lifeless body, but he's the one who understands death, not me.

"Are you happy, Klaus?" I asked hesitantly.

Instead of a simple yes or no, he took me in his arms, kissing me as we stumbled back to bed. I took that as a yes, knowing full well he never wanted to be a dad, but at least he was willing to do that together. And who knows? Maybe we would be good at it, maybe we would even like it.

"I have a gift for you," I whispered.

"I know, it's the little bun I put in your oven..."

"No, another gift, close your eyes."

I placed my hands on his head once again and searched for the memory I dreaded the most: we were 25, I was packing my bags to leave for the airport and after that day I didn't see Klaus for five years.

"You were probably right, you spent way too long caring for your junkie brother. You should have the right to live your life, without me weighing you down," he shouted with tears running down his cheeks.

"I wish things were different, I wish I had a chance to be…"

"To be what? Why are you running away?" He shook me by the shoulders.

"Because I'm a coward," I screamed, unlike the first time when I dismissively said goodbye. "Klaus, I love you!"

"I love you too," he smiled sadly.

"No, I actually love you. I can stand to lose anything, even this stupid job, but not you!" I rushed to claim his lips, mine as they always should've been.

"I- fuck... I love you too," he breathed, the biggest grin on his face. "So does that mean you're not leaving?"

"Only if you come with me."

"I'll go with you anywhere, Schnucki."

"You are the person of my dreams. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you sober, I'll help you through the trauma and watch you grow to be the amazing man I know you can be," I said before losing my hold on him and snapping back into reality.

Klaus opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling marveling for a few seconds before he finally looked at me. For the first time in a very long time, maybe forever, he was speechless. I had never seen my husband lose his words, but this time he only wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you, Victoria," he whispered. "You are the person of my dreams too."

——————————————————

"They might've outdone us with the invitations, but our pregnancy announcement will be the cutest! At least until we have our second child," I looked down at the box where the cookies I made were. I baked and decorated each one with all my love and my husband's help.

"Wait, you want more than one?" Klaus yelped.

"Maybe..." I bumped into Ben and my heart fluttered with joy. "Good morning, Benny, my love!"

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He growled.

"Oh no, he's back to being an asshole," Klaus grimaced. "Come on, we were making so much progress with your Mr. Tough Guy routine."

"I was drunk!"

"You are a good person, we saw it, but you're trying really hard to be a bad one."

"I hate you! Both of you! And this marriage is a joke!"

"No you don't, you hugged me and everything," I shouted.

"Don't talk to her like that, she's fragile!" Klaus scolded. "This is just a defense mechanism, pushing away the people who care about you the most. Just like dad!"

I wanted to run the other way, but we were going in the same direction, to meet dad and attend his end of the world reunion. Klaus whistled and pointed with his eyes at the box as if trying to remind me why we were so happy in the first place.

The last one to arrive was Five and it caused a commotion after his words from the night before. Even I couldn't believe some of the things he said.

"Five! That speech last night brought me to tears you big softie," Lila said amid the clapping and cheering.

"I especially liked when you referred to us as a family bound by destiny and love," Viktor added.

"Yeah! And don't worry, I'll never stop fixing your hair and your tie before you leave. I didn't know you liked that so much," I teased.

"It was the booze talking," Five seemed unfazed, once again the cold old man we were getting used to. "In the light of day, you're all still deplorable."

"And your day's about to get worse," dad murmured ominously.

"But before it gets worse, it gets better. Usually it's the opposite, but I baked my famous sugar cookies and I'd like all of you to try them, but everyone has to close their eyes and wait until I tell you to open," I stood up, holding the box above my head.

"This is stupid, Victoria, the world is ending..." Ben groaned.

"Please? Just one simple request and I'll never ask you for anything again."

"Be quick, go on," dad closed his eyes, convinced that I wouldn't leave them alone until I pulled my cookie stunt.

I gave each one to their owner, they were heart-shaped and had royal icing spelling: uncle Diego, uncle Luther, uncle Ben, uncle Five, uncle Viktor, aunt Allison, aunt Sloane, aunt Lila, and Grandpa Reggie.

"Okay, open now," Klaus giggled.

It took everyone a second to understand what was happening, but once they caught up, everyone was cheering and clapping again. Diego jumped from his seat to lift me up and spin me around, Viktor and Luther rushed to hug me and Klaus, even dad seemed to show the ghost of a smile.

"Congratulations, you managed to do the one thing I told you not to," Five took a bite, he didn't seem truly upset. "Let's hope it's born with Vicky's brains, she's the least unhinged of the two."

"Wow, your childhood romance worked out," Allison tried to sound supportive, but I could feel the venom in her words.

"Very well, now that this is done..." Dad cleared his throat. "The Norse had seven sleepers. The Blackfoot, seven stars. As a boy, I heard the legend of the seven bells. All these stories are the same, the village is under threat, a shaman brings his disciples to a sacred cave. He tells them if they can ring the seven magic bells, the village will be saved, and all will be restored just as it was."

"Reggie," Lila raised her hand. "Can we get a little less Brothers Grimm and be a little more objective please?"

"There is a truth to these myths, none of you can deny what's going on around us. All of existance will be gone by the end of the day, but whoever or whatever wove together space and time left a way to put things back together. There is a portal in the universe, I built this hotel around it, and on the other side is the answer."

"So you want us to cross the portal all willy-nilly, ring seven bells, and that will fix all this shit? How have we never thought of it before?" I leaned back as Klaus caressed my stomach, even though there was not much in there to caress.

"Sarcasm aside, you are mostly right. Except for the guardian."

"What kind of guardian?" Viktor asked.

"The kind that does this," Diego held up his hand that was still missing two fingers. "He has a sword."

"Why would the builders of this portal need a guardian anyway?" Viktor stared at the injury confused.

"To protect it from people who want to use it for nefarious means," Sloane explained. "But it should be easy, Vicky can go in first and kill him for us. If there's anyone who can survive the guardian is Die Hard."

"She's pregnant! She can't fight like this," Diego shook his head.

"My body won't take any damage, so I should be fine. But if I'll be able to defeat this thing, that depends on his stamina, mine is higher than most people-" I intended to say I had a limit, but Klaus interrupted me.

"Heyooo! Lucky me, am I right?" He joked.

"Maybe I'll need help. Spacey's strength, Séance's immortality, the Kraken's reflexes, White Violin's world-ending energy..."

"White Violin?" Viktor laughed.

"Yeah! You in that theatre, everything was white and your aura was glowing, you were the most powerful person in the world!"

"So I guess you'll need all of us to defeat this thing that's protecting the bells," Allison suggested.

"You're actually buying this crap?" Five scoffed.

"I'm in," Ben was quick to say, thirsty for dad's validation.

"Me too," Diego agreed. "But I think some of us should stay back, like Vicky and Lila."

"Or you can stay and we can go," she folded her arms defiantly.

"No, this is much bigger than all of us, nobody can stay back," Allison insisted.

I was starting to think it was kinda weird that she was suddenly so excited to save the world. She never agreed with dad on anything before, but now she was endorsing his crazy idea and trying to drag the rest of us with her. There must've been something she wasn't telling us, what could she have to gain from it?

"We should vote," Viktor suggested.

"I'm with Viktor," Five cocked an eyebrow at dad.

"The world is ending and you want to count hands?"

"You're asking us to risk our lives, I think it's only fair you give us some time to discuss it," Luther held firmly to his wife's arm. "Privately. Let's meet back here in an hour."

Klaus and I stood behind while the others either went on a walk around the hotel or back to their rooms. I wasn't so sure about dad's intentions, if what Five had said the day before was true, he was simply using us as pieces for his twisted chess game with the apocalypse.

There's a famous saying in Brazil which is 'se correr o bicho pega. Se ficar o bicho come', translating it literally would be something like 'if you run, the beast will catch you. If you stay, the beast will eat you'. What it means is that no matter what choice we made, we would be screwed. To die by the hands of an otherwordly guardian, or to die by the Kugelblitz. Did it really make a difference at that point? Was there any hope left on the other side?

"Death isn't so bad, you know?" Klaus finally broke the silence. If you want to stay I won't be upset, I'll stay there with you. We can meet each other's moms, I'm sure Maria Fernanda is lovely and very proud of her daughter who has her name, Victoria Maria."

"I thought we would die together when we're very old and tired of this world. Stay there at the beach and enjoy eternity... I don't know what to do. If there's a chance our baby could be born in a world without destruction of black holes eating people, I'd like to take it."

"I'll do whatever you want. I'm yours now, you better deal with it," Klaus drawled, laying on my lap and looking up at me with those dreamy eyes. "I know it's waaaay too early, but did you think of a name yet? We know it's a girl, according to dad."

"A few, I like Moema, Grace, Iris," I listed.

"Juniper, Valerie, Wrenley," he continued.

"Fortune," I said and he gaped.

"Fortune! That is beautiful, I love it! Fortune Bennie Hargreeves. What do you think?"

"I think it's perfect."

After about an hour, we all gathered in the lobby again, each one hoping we made the right choice. I had a bad feeling from the get-go, we were never very good at agreeing. We could barely even pick a movie to watch on the weekends, let alone decide the fate of the world.

"I think you can guess which way I'll be voting," Allison started. "We've all been through a lot, we all lost people... Mannequins. Their deaths have to mean something, so I'll be going with dad."

"What she said, let's go save the bloody universe!" Lila joined.

"All right, since she said yes, I vote stay," Diego ran to the other side of the room. "How's that for nice?"

"Klaus and Vicky?" Allison huffed, clearly annoyed by our brother's choice.

"I am with father. I'm a married man, with a wife to take care of and a baby on the way. Better make sure everything is in one piece when she arrives," Klausie said.

"Wow, you sound nothing like yourself," I had to do a double take, that was not my husband speaking, was it? "I vote go, if we stay we die, if we go we die, but one of those is not an absolute."

Ben simply nodded, indicating he also wanted to go. That was four to one, but somehow I still felt like we would end up losing.

"I wanna believe, I really do. I just can't shake the feeling that we don't know what we're getting ourselves into," Viktor mumbled.

"No, but we know what is waiting for us if we don't. We have to go into this together, a family. Don't you wanna save the world so our niece or nephew has a better place to live?" Allison tried to argue.

"You can't just keep throwing the word 'family' around. It isn't enough, I vote stay. I don't wanna see my pregnant sister dying in a fight that isn't even hers."

"Sloane and I talked, and well..." Luther followed. "We're out. We wanna spend whatever time we have left together, not fighting some guy with a sword or ringing bells."

"I'm about to make things difficult," Five sighed. "I saw the future, and it told me to sit this one out. I vote stay, it's time we accept our fate."

"That is five to five, it's inconclusive. We can't just go in there as a group of five, that would mean certain failure, there must be seven," dad lamented. "Children, I can't say I'm happy with this, but I see now the blame falls on me. I failed you when you were young and I have failed you now. And in doing so, I have doomed the entire universe. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the courtyard, awaiting the end. A shame I won't live to meet my grandchildren."

"You're all pathetic," Allison marched away.

"So now what?" Sloane asked.

"Now we wait for the end," Five shrugged. "See you around, it's been... Interesting."

"I'm so sorry, Klausie," I took my husband's hand as we headed to the entrance.

"Don't be, it doesn't matter what happens, we'll be together," he kissed my forehead gently, but I could tell, he really wanted things to be different.

——————————————————

I was watching the world fall apart when my heart felt tight, an ache I knew quite well, the same ache I felt the day we lost Ben. That feeling of hopelessness, a deep regret no one can take away from us.

"Luther died," I uttered, my eyes filled with tears.

"What?" Klaus must've thought it was a sick joke at first, but one look at my face and he turned pale with fear. "Really?"

"Really, come on!"

When we entered the White Buffalo suite, almost everyone was already there. Sloane was holding his body and crying, much like I did when Klaus was the one laying on that perfect white rug covered in his blood.

"Spacey!" I sobbed, falling to my knees and taking his huge, cold hand in mine. "Spacey, you can't die! Whenever I said I hated you, that you were my least favorite sibling, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it, Spacey, I love you..."

"He knows that, Liebling," Klaus tried to comfort me, but he was also on the verge of tears. "It's what siblings do."

"Look," Lila pointed at the open door where the pachinko machine was. "It must've been him, the guardian."

"She's right," Diego looked down to avoid showing his emotions. "Whatever did that had a long, curved blade. I don't know much, but I know knives."

That's when the only person who was missing appeared, dad came in with a confused look on his face. I glanced into his emotionless eyes and for the quickest glimpse I saw him, his arm was a massive sword and he killed Luther.

"YOU KILLED HIM!" I wailed.

"What? Why would I kill my own son?"

"I saw it! Don't lie to me!"

"No dear, you are really nervous and hormonal, you are imagining things," dad frowned. "You need to calm down, think clearly."

"If we attacked first, he'd still be alive," Ben grumbled.

Before I could say anything else, another kugel wave hit the hotel. This time it seemed different, we were the only people left. The Kugelblitz was finally ready to take us all, I could feel it in my gut.

"What are we gonna do with Luther?" Sloane asked as the entire building collapsed, giving me flashbacks from when that happened in the old Academy. The explosions, the wreckage, it was all so familiar.

"Go through the passage, it's the only way!" Reggie guided us to the tunnel that would lead us to the other side of the portal. "Come on, children, hurry!"

We were scared, disoriented, and most of all, angry at whoever killed Luther. So we followed, when you see your life flash in front of you like that and the certainty of a horrible end is facing you back, your choices don't matter anymore. You run and try to save whatever is left, you try to survive at all costs.

Sloane didn't want to leave her husband's body behind, but there was no one strong enough to carry him with us. Allison pulled her and Klaus ushered Five, who was still very much doubtful, to the entrance. I went right after and Klausie was the last one. Or so I thought.

"DAD! VICTORIA!" was the last I heard of his voice, but when I tried to turn back and check on him, father held me by the shoulders and forced me to keep walking.

#umbrella academy fanfic #umbrella academy klaus #umbrella academy #tua fanfic #tua klaus #tua #klaus hargreeves x oc #klaus hargreeves #fanfic #robert sheehan character fic #robert sheehan fanfic

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flareish · 3 years ago

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Anxiety

kuroo x reader

summary: you hide your anxiety from basically everyone including your boyfriend, until he finds out for himself

genre: hurt/comfort

warnings: Emetophobia Warning! description of nausea/vomit, anxiety, bit of angst but ends in fluff

word count: 2.0k

a/n: I tried to make this as close to my anxiety since I hadn’t known anyone with my kind of anxiety(symptom wise) until I was seventeen, which was a good ways into when I realized I had anxiety. So here is some nausea anxiety representation!

masterlist

You tap your fingers in a mindless rhythm. Alternating the fingers and repeating them back and forth, trying to make it a game, a challenge. You did this over and over again to distract yourself from that all too familiar sinking feeling. That feeling like your stomach has managed to twist and knot itself a million times. Each bump of the bus made acid crawl up your throat. You crunched a mint in your mouth hoping the peppermint would soothe some of the nausea. It didn’t, but the thought was there. You just will yourself not to throw up on the bus, anything but that. The thought in itself makes you even more nervous, and in turn even sicker.

You don’t even know why you are anxious. Today is Kuroo’s big game, but it isn’t yours. You’ve been to a hundred of his games before but never before did you feel like this. Normally you get cute little butterflies, not an angry swarm of bees. The worst part is, there is Kuroo sat next to you happy as can be, completely oblivious. He keeps trying to drag you into conversations but you fear if you open your mouth for too long, all that will come up is vomit. So you keep your mouth firmly closed only smiling tightly or shaking your head at his prompts.

It's not exactly his fault though. He doesn’t actually know you have anxiety. It’s not something you really like to talk about. You are all for promoting the acceptance of mental health but you just find every time you tell someone the dynamic changes. Either they flat out don’t believe you since you “don’t seem like the type with anxiety”. Well duh, I don’t have social anxiety, I have situational anxiety. Like here in this situation. That or they suddenly treat me like I am incapable of handling myself. That whenever a slightly stressful event comes up, I am going to melt into a puddle of pure anxiety. Sorry but I’ve made it this far, I may have to throw up a few times on the way but I am still making it.

So you just haven’t told Kuroo. You're just nervous that it will change the dynamic. You also don’t want to steal his spotlight. Today is supposed to be all about him. It's his big game. To suddenly speak up and tell him that his game is giving you anxiety would be selfish. So like you always have, you put a brave face on and face it head-on.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kuroo asks you, now facing you, “You look a little pale.”

“Hmm?,” You also turn to look at him, “Oh I am just a bit tired that’s all. I will be fine in an hour or so.” You hope at least. He nods relieved it's not something worse.

You finally pull into the stadium and everyone is pushing their way off the bus. Luckily Kuroo is right by you to make sure you don't get accidentally pushed down the bus stairs and trampled. The team makes it’s to the bulletin board where they are given their matchups. Nekoma is paired with a pretty hard team. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you dry heave. You knew at the point you were going to throw up and within the next few minutes.

“Hey I think I left something in the bus I’ll be right back.” You say to Kuroo before dashing off. He goes to reply but you are already gone.

You make it around the back of the building before you throw up. At this point you’re kinda out of it, your mind is occupied on emptying your already empty stomach. Then you feel someone pull your hair back and gently rub your back. You don’t even have to look up to know it’s Kuroo. When you finish he hands you his water bottle. You waterfall it and rinse your mouth out of that acidic taste.

“What’s going on are you okay?” Kuroo asks full of concern. You hesitate for a moment, thinking of telling the truth. Then you remember this is supposed to be his day.

“Sorry I must have caught a stomach bug.” He doesn’t completely buy it so you quickly add to it.

“I didn't feel great on the bus but I just thought it was because I was tired.” You feel bad lying, “I also don’t want to distract you before your game.” At that Kuroo quickly pulls you into a hug, “Your not a distraction, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Your cheek is pressed against his chest and your hands grip the front of his shirt.

“We should probably head back.” You mumble.

“Yeah.” He leans down to kiss you but you duck away. He looks incredibly offended and hurt at this.

“Dude I just threw up I don’t know if you want to do that.”

“…Point.”

The two of you head back inside to the team, you feeling much better after throwing up. Before you know it, the competition has begun and Nekoma has won. You run down and celebrate with the team and it’s a happy day.

On the bus ride home Kuroo has a strange energy about him. Not like he’s mad more just like he’s just realized something. You nudge him and smile hoping to break him out of his little funk. He immediately smiles back and goes back to celebrating with the team. His reaction was almost like putting a mask on. You watch him for a moment before slipping into a conversation of your own.

When you make it back to school you go your separate ways. Him going to shower, and you to get home before it gets too late. A big hug before pushing away. You still refusing to kiss him after throwing up earlier in the day.

You are laying on your bed, exhausted. Anxiety really takes a toll on your energy. Your thoughts are broken when your phone chimes with a text. Leaning over to grab your phone off your bedside table you see it is from Kuroo.

“Can you come over? I want to talk.”

No cute pet names. No slowly easing into it. Actually using proper grammar. Nothing in that message was a good sign. Just “I want to talk” was enough to make the acid begin to crawl again. You knew it had to be about today. Especially after you saw him zoning out on the bus. It had to be your anxiety episode. You knew he wouldn’t be happy you lied but going to this extent. Like he just found out you have anxiety and this is what he hits you with? The world’s most nerve-wracking text message. The only worse place than this would be “we need to talk”. That’s when you have really screwed up. So maybe you’ve only minorly screwed up since he said want not need. Does that mean you have the choice to say no? That was kind of tempting but you knew you would be tossing and turning all night thinking about what might be wrong.

“Okay.” You reply to the text. Short and sweet. Putting on some shoes and grabbing a hoodie, you quietly slip out of your house. Kuroo’s house wasn’t too far but it was far enough. Enough to continue to stir in your intrusive and unstoppable thoughts. You eventually make it to his house and head in going straight for his room. Before you reach the door you hesitate and gather yourself. Preparing for whatever was about to come.

When you go in you find Kuroo sat on the floor of his bedroom, back pressed against the bed. He jerkily looks up and you and gives you a tight smile. None of this is giving good signs. Something is very heavy on his mind. You sit down across from him, your back against the wall your feet almost touching.

“So what was it you wanting to talk about.” You break the silence. He doesn’t respond for a moment. Just as you are about to try again he speaks up.

“Do you still love me?” Your face drops into confusion.

“Why wouldn’t I love you anymore?” You ask, suddenly realizing this wasn’t the conversation you were prepping yourself for.

“You’ve been distant lately. You don’t tell me things like when you don’t feel good. I thought about it when I got home and I was wondering if you weren’t actually sick but just making the excuse because you got caught.” He’s very serious at the moment and his words hold a cold edge.

“What do you mean get caught?” You match his tone. You weren’t planning on fighting but something about how he said it just set something off in you.

“You didn’t want to be there. Ever since this morning you were quiet and reserved. Even after the game, you wouldn’t even kiss me-”

“Yeah, cause I threw up! And how could I be faking it when I literally threw up.” You snap.

“You’ve been like this before though! Like last year’s big tournament you would barely talk to me.”

“That’s not true!” Although it kind of was just not the reason he thought.

“Oh yeah? What about at training camp you wouldn’t talk to me then either, you didn’t even eat with us you just sat on your own.” He threw back.

“Yeah, cause I have anxiety!” The words left your mouth before you knew it. Kuroo looked taken back.

“What?” His brow furrows, “Since when?” He’s not sure what to believe. You’re not surprised since you have worked very hard to hide it from everyone, accidentally sabotaging your own relationship without even knowing it.

“Since forever. I just never told anyone.” You quietly say, ducking your head down.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You didn’t even need to look up to see the hurt on his face, it was apparent in his voice. You start playing with your finger, tapping them in rhythms.

“I wanted to,” You mumble, “But whenever I do stuff changes and I didn’t want anything to change.” He shifts forward and you think he’s going to leave. Instead, he grabs your hands, stopping the pattern you had going. You look up.

“Did you think I would judge you?” He was staring straight into you, willing the truth to come out.

“Whenever I tell people they either don’t believe me and brush it off or treat me like I’m incapable of handling any amount of stress. I’ve never seen anyone react any differently so I was scared you would fall into one of those reactions and I didn’t know how I could handle that. I didn’t want my anxiety to be the thing to tear us apart. But I guess it still was.” By the end of your speech, your gaze has returned back to the floor, unable to hold eye contact for that long with him staring at you so strongly. You hear him sigh then you are pulled forward and into his arms.

“I want to be your pillar of support. I want to be that third reaction that is one of acceptance, one that doesn’t drive you crazy.” He strokes your hair soothingly, his words making you tear up, “When you are ready I want you to tell me everything. From when you first noticed it, to where it is now, to how you deal with it, everything.” By now you are fully crying, absolutely collapsed into his chest. “I love you so much.” It gets muffled in his shirt but he hears it.

“I know, and I love you.”

It would take some time for Kuroo to get used to this change but slowly but surely he will be different from the rest and he will support you no matter what. Although he also respects your strength and knows you can handle your anxiety on your own, he is always there when you need it. He becomes the third unexpected and unheard-of reaction; acceptance.

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #nekoma #kuroo #kuroo fluff #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo tetsuro oneshot #kuroo scenarios #kuroo hurt/comfort #kuroo x reader #hq kuroo

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lucy90712 · 3 years ago

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morning sickness (pregnancy series)

⚠️emetophobia warning⚠️ a/n: sorry for the lack of posts I’ve been away with awful WiFi

Series masterlist

George:

The sickness throughout the first part of my pregnancy has been awful and has lasted all of the first trimester and into the second trimester. Every morning I wake up feeling so nauseous and throw up most days not really for any real reason. George has been so good and will try his best to take care of me.

This morning I woke up feeling extra nauseous from the second I opened my eyes so I knew it would be a bad day which happens sometimes but it isn't any fun thats for sure. I felt so awful that I couldn't move but at the same time I really needed to try and eat and drink something to make me feel a little better which is a constant battle that I have with myself.

I stayed in bed until the nausea took over and I had to quickly move George's arm off me so that I could run to the bathroom. I threw up more than I ever thought I could before resting against the sink to regain some composure even though I still felt awful. I threw up again before George came in still half asleep but concerned.

"Are you doing ok?" He asked even though he knew the answer

"Not really" I replied

"How many times have you been sick?" He asked

"Two so far" I answered

He got down on the floor with me and rubbed my back for a minute before going to go and get water for me to sip like he always does. I rested my head on his shoulder and just let him hold me which was the only thing that seemed to help me feel a little better.

When I recovered a little bit we went downstairs so that I could try and eat something but as soon as we got to the kitchen just the smell of the cat made all the nausea come flooding back so I went right back to the bathroom and threw up again. It's is going to be one of those awful days again.

Dream:

I have been so lucky that I haven't really felt too nauseous but there are some days especially at the moment where I feel quick sick. On one of those days like today I normally stay in bed or on the sofa doing nothing under strict orders from Clay who won't let me push myself too far because he wants me to take care fo myself.

This morning I curled up to Clay while he was still asleep because I was feeling pretty bad and he makes me feel better even if its all in my head. He woke up as I moved closer to him and looked at me to see what I was doing.

"You ok there?" He asked

"I feel sick" I replied

"Do you think you are going to throw up or just feel sick?" He asked

"I probably won't throw up but I feel pretty bad" I said

That was enough for him and he lifted me up carrying me to the living room and putting me down on the sofa before going to the kitchen where he came back with water. Which he gave me as he got on the sofa behind he so that he could cuddle me.

We spent the whole day cuddled together on the sofa watching films and Clay cancelled his plans for the day or pushed them back until this evening so that he could take care of me.

Sapnap:

I have struggled so much with sickness throughout the pregnancy so far an not even just nausea I throw up multiple times a day. It's awful and just so exhausting but I can't sleep because I feel so sick which is just the worst endless cycle. Sapnap tries his best to help me and be there for me but he hates watching people throw up which I understand but he is there for me when I'm not throwing up.

This morning I was doing pretty good and hadn't thrown up yet and I've been up for about 45 minutes which is quite unusual for me I have even made myself some breakfast which normally makes me throw up but maybe I'm slowly getting over this sickness. I went to wash the dishes but as soon as I got the washing up liquid open the smell sent me right back to my constant state of sickness.

I ran to the bathroom and threw up all the breakfast I just ate and more which just doesn't seem possible but somehow it is. Sapnap came into the bathroom after watching me run from the kitchen he knew what was happening but he had heard me saying only minutes prior that I felt better today so he knew I would be upset.

"Oh babe I'm sorry" he said sitting down and rub my back

"Why do I have to be sick all the time why can't I just feel better" I sobbed

"I don't know but what I do know is that you are doing such a good job at coping with it and being strong I could never live with this but here you are" he comforted

Sapnap sat with me the rest of the day even when I was throwing up because he knew it was just one of those days where I was really feeling it and he cared more about making me feel better then having to watch me throw up.

Quackity:

I have been so lucky with my pregnancy that I really haven't had any sickness at all I mean sometimes some things will make me feel nauseous but never very bad at all but for some reason today that has changed and I woke up feeling really sick for no apparent reason. I tried getting up to see if getting up and getting on with things would help the sickness to subside but it really didn't at all work if anything I felt worse.

Nothing is helping this sickness either. I have tried everything that google or other people recommend but it isn't helping. Alex has been trying to help too by distracting me to take the edge off which is sweet of him but it wasn't helping a whole lot. He gathered that distractions weren't going to work and so he made me go back to bed so that we could cuddle and watch a movie.

"Just relax love we can have a lazy day and forget about everything else I just want you to feel better" he said

"Thank you Alex but you can leave me if you have something to do" I said

All he did was shake his head and hold onto be tighter which gave me my answer to if he was going to leave me.

Karl:

It's been a bit up and down throughout my pregnancy in term of sickness, some days I feel quite sick and others I'm fine and it doesn't really have a pattern it just really depends on the day. Today happens to be one of the days that I don't feel great after going a good week and a half of feeling good.

Karl got up with me this morning to make breakfast for the both of us as well as get me the things that usually make me feel a little better which I have discovered after trying about a million things on the days I was feeling extra bad. He gave me sprite and tic tacs because both of those things work for me which I had while he ate breakfast while mine was on the side away from me so the smell didn't make me feel worse.

For the whole day Karl was so attentive and barely left my side so that he could take care of me and when he did have to go somewhere he took me with him so that he wasn't far from me at all times.

Wilbur:

I haven't really felt sick since before I found out about the pregnancy which has been so nice and I know I'm very lucky because a lot of people feel very sick for quite a long time. I have been able to eat all the things I normally would without anything making me feel ill which has made me very happy.

Tonight I'm making dinner for Wilbur and I and I had a tomato which I was cutting up and for some reason it made me feel very sick all of a sudden. I tried to keep going hoping it would go away but it got worse and I felt like I was going to throw up. I ran out of the kitchen and to the bathroom only just making it before I threw up.

Wilbur came into the bathroom seconds later and pulled my hair out of my face and rubbed my back until I was done. He got me some water and let me brush my teeth before picking me up and putting me on the sofa to sit down while he finished making dinner for us. It was weird because I could eat the tomato but the smell of preparing it was too much but it was kind of worth it because the meal was very nice.

From then on Wilbur said he was going to make dinner to avoid that happening again because he knows how much I hate throwing up and he didn't want me to if there was something he could do about it.

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themetaphorgirl · 3 years ago

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whumptober 2020 alternate #6!

Alternate Prompt #6: ALTERED STATES

Patron Saint. Aaron is used to getting carsick. Alex is not.

(read on AO3) (and please leave a comment!! I’ll love you forever!!)

tw: emetophobia, vomiting

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Aaron Hotchner hated road trips, and he still wasn’t quite sure how he got roped into this one.

Granted, he hadn’t really been given a choice. Every St. Thaddeus student had to visit some kind of museum or cultural landmark and submit a report as part of their end of the year project, and Penelope had gotten it into her head that she wanted to see Fiona the baby hippo at the Cincinnati Zoo. And then JJ mentioned a nearby aquarium, and Emily somehow found out about a haunted schoolhouse, and Spencer kept prattling about the history museum. And before he knew it, the other kids had planned a road trip to Ohio and he was going whether he wanted to go or not. And he definitely didn’t.

He’d always gotten carsick, even when he was a little kid. Especially when he was a little kid. Without fail he would get sick in any car trip longer than thirty minutes. His mother would comfort him every time and reassure him that he’d outgrow it someday. Except now he was sixteen, and he still had to ride shotgun to prevent puking. And sometimes even that didn’t work.

All he could do now was prepare for the worst and hope for the best. The other kids talked about the snacks they were getting for the car ride and what clothes they were going to wear and all the things they were looking forward to doing. Aaron packed himself a bag with motion sickness medicine and gatorade and hoped he wouldn’t need it.

They left for the four-hour road trip long before the sun came up. The nine of them separated into their usual carpooling groups- JJ, Penelope, Derek, and Emily with Dave driving, and James taking Aaron, Alex, and Spencer- and piled into the cars with their backpacks and pillows, all of them still half-asleep.

Spencer was especially cranky as Aaron hoisted him into his booster seat. They’d waited until the last possible second to wake him up; he was still in his pajamas and his hair was wild from sleep. “Why couldn’t we leave later?” he complained. “There’s no proof that leaving early on a car trip makes it any shorter.”

“Well, we have a lot of stuff planned, munchkin,” James said as he packed their bags into the trunk. “The sooner we get there, the sooner we can do the fun things.”

“I don’t want to be in the car, though,” Spencer said. “Can’t we leave just a little bit later?”

“No, Spencer, we’re going to leave now,” Alex said patiently. She’d tied a bandana as a headband to keep her long hair out of her eyes and she carried a tote bag of novels under one arm. “You can sleep in the car.”

“I never sleep in the car,” Spencer whined.

“Oh, that’s definitely a lie,” Aaron said. He gave Spencer his blanket, then tucked another fleece blanket around him to keep him warm. “You’ll be asleep before we even get to the interstate.”

Spencer scowled at him. “No, I’m not tired at all,” he said. “My circadian rhythms were interrupted. My sleep patterns are all messed up now since you guys woke me up so early.”

“You can go to bed early tonight and sleep in tomorrow morning,” James suggested.

“That’s not how a sleep debt works!” Spencer protested. He huffed in irritation. “Hotch, can you sit back here with me this time?”

“No, kiddo, I have to sit up front with James,” Aaron said.

“Otherwise he’ll puke, remember?” Alex said.

James shot Aaron a concerned look. “Did you-”

“Take bonine already? Yeah, I did,” he said. “Trust me. I’ve tried to plan ahead as much as possible.”

Alex climbed into the backseat with Spencer, setting her heavy bag of books on the floor. “I’ll be back here with you,” she said. “But I’m pretty sure you’ll fall asleep, baby.”

“I won’t,” Spencer swore. “I'm not a baby and I’m not tired at all right now. I couldn’t fall asleep if you paid me.”

He was asleep before they even got to Auden’s Ridge, his chin tipped to his chest and his blanket tucked around his shoulders. “We should have bet money on that, he would have lost,” James commented, glancing up in the rearview mirror. He frowned. “Alex?”

“Hm?”

“Are you seriously reading a book right now?”

Aaron tried to catch a glimpse of her in the rearview mirror. “I’ve been saving a bunch of books for this trip and i couldn’t wait anymore,” Alex explained. “I know it’s still dark, I’ll be fine, trust me.”

“God, I wish I could read in the car,” Aaron said. “I’ve never been able to do that.”

“Aw, yeah, that would definitely make you throw up, wouldn’t it?” James said sympathetically.

“I’ve never been carsick,” Alex said. “Reading doesn’t bother me at all.”

James smiled fondly. “You could read anywhere, probably,” he said. He signaled a right hand turn towards the on-ramp to the interstate. “Hotch, do you want to pick some music? Nothing too crazy, I don’t want Spencer to wake up.”

“Oh, no, he’d be so pissed,” Aaron laughed. He scrolled through his spotify playlists, quickly picking the first chill indie band he could find before his vision could get wobbly.

The drive was uneventful, all things considered. The sun crawled higher in the pale gray winter sky the longer they drove; Aaron chatted quietly with James while Alex read and Spencer slept. Traffic wasn’t too terrible, and they reached the halfway point without his head hurting or his stomach twisting.

Spencer woke up when they were in Kentucky, blinking sleepily and rubbing his blanket against his cheek. “Hi, kiddo,” James said. “Did you sleep good?”

“I didn’t sleep,” Spencer rasped. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, frowning in confusion at his surroundings. “Did...did I fall asleep?”

“You sure did,” Aaron said. “We’re in Kentucky. Over halfway there.”

Spencer yawned. “Oh,” he said. “Are we getting breakfast soon?”

“Not quite, I think Dave was hoping to make it all the way to the hotel and then go to breakfast,” James said. “Unless...anyone else hungry?”

“I’m not going to risk it,” Aaron said, holding up his hands in surrender.

“Alex?”

She glanced up from her book. “Hm?”

“Are you hungry?” James asked.

“No, not...not really,” she said. She shifted her weight, pulling on her seatbelt. “I’m really hot right now, though. Can you turn the air up, please?”

“Oh, I thought it was kind of cold in here,” James said, fiddling with the dials. “My AC really sucks, though, sorry. Does that help?”

Aaron frowned. It was February and cold- and James’s heat was just as ineffective as the AC, so he’d been thinking he was freezing before. Something wasn’t right, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

They drove on another twenty minutes before Alex closed her book and tossed it on the floor of the car. “Bad ending?” James asked.

“What? Oh...no, I just…” Alex started to say. She rubbed her temples. “I think I’m getting a headache.”

“Oh, shit,” James said. “I’ve got some ibuprofen in my backpack if you need it.”

“I’m okay,” she said. “I’m just…” She didn’t finish that sentence either. She pulled on her seatbelt until she could pull it away from her chest and tuck it under her arm. “How much longer?”

“Probably an hour and a half,” James said. “You need a break?”

“No, no, I’m...I’m fine,” Alex said.

Aaron tried to get a better look at her in the mirror. “Maybe a break wouldn’t hurt,” he said. “I bet Spencer needs a bathroom break.”

“Yeah, probably,” Spencer said sleepily, his blanket pulled all the way up to his chin to keep him warm and cozy.

“There’s a rest stop in about a mile, we can stop there real quick,” James said.

He signaled to change lanes, and Aaron frowned to himself as he watched Alex. She was breathing hard, her lips parted and her eyes closed, her fingers drumming against her jaw. “Alex?” he said. “You okay?”

“I’m...I’m just kind of dizzy,” she said faintly.

“What’s wrong?” James asked. She didn’t answer him. “Love? What’s wrong?”

Alex shook her head. “I can’t breathe,” she choked out.

He should have already figured it out by then, but Alex coughed hard, wet and gasping, and it all clicked into place. “James, take the first parking spot you can,” Aaron said.

“Alex?” James demanded.

Aaron unbuckled his seatbelt. “Just fucking park,” he said. “And stay in the car with the baby. I mean it. Stay in the car.”

James pulled into a spot, throwing the car into park, and Aaron jumped out of the passenger seat before they’d come to a full stop. He yanked open Alex’s door, unbuckled her seatbelt, and dragged her out of the car. “I can’t breathe,” she gasped, her words slurring.

“Come here, just trust me,” Aaron said, hauling her a little ways from the car towards a quiet little cluster of trees at the edge of the rest stop parking lot. He just wanted to give her a little privacy, he knew what she was like.

He managed to get her all the way to the treeline before she doubled over and vomited into the grass. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said. He gathered her long hair away from her face and held tight to her upper arm. “You’re okay, I promise.”

Alex kept throwing up helplessly, coughing and spluttering, and Aaron kept her upright, holding her hair back until she was dry heaving. “Okay, okay, I think you’re done,” he said. “Deep breath, Alex. Deep breath.”

It was all the same sorts of things she said to him when he got sick- there was almost a nice sort of irony about that. “I didn’t know I was sick,” she wheezed. “I’m s-sorry, I didn’t-”

He let go of her hair, letting it fall back against her shoulders, and helped over to sit down on the curb. “It’s okay, I swear,” he said. She was shivering now, and he sat down beside her so she could lean her folded arms on his knees. “Are you still dizzy?”

“Y-yeah,” she said in a small voice. He couldn’t tell if she was crying or her eyes were just watering from the force of throwing up. She leaned her head on her folded arms. “Maybe it’s food poisoning, or...or something.”

“Are you still hot?” he asked.

“Kind of,” she said. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

Aaron stroked her hair away from her face. “Do you feel better now that you’ve thrown up?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “No, I feel the same.” She raised herself up a little bit. “How...why are you asking me all of these questions?”

He sighed. “Remember how you said you’ve never been carsick?” he said.

Her brown eyes went wide. “Oh, god,” she said.

“You’re going to be okay,” Aaron reassured her.

“I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, you're stubborn.”

She pressed her hands to her temples and groaned. “I’m an idiot, Aaron.”

“You’re not, and you’ll be okay,” he repeated patiently. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you will.”

Alex rubbed her eyes. “Is that what you feel like every time you get in the car?” she said.

“Yeah, pretty much,” he said. “Don’t get up too fast. Give yourself a little time.” He rubbed her back lightly. “Let me know when you’re ready for James to see you.”

She laid her head back down on her arms. “How long am I going to feel like this?” she asked.

“I don’t know, it depends,” Aaron said. “Just stay still for a little while, okay? Deep breaths through your nose.”

She obeyed, closing her eyes. Aaron kept stroking her hair and watched her breathing, reassuring himself when he saw her rapid wheezing slow down to normal steadiness. He gave her the time to calm down, ignoring the bite of the cool winter morning air against his skin. The last thing he wanted was to move her around when she still felt sick enough to throw up again.

After a while she pushed herself into a sitting position, her face pale and still a little greenish. “Can...can you text James?” she asked timidly.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” he said. She leaned against his shoulder as he typed out a message, telling James exactly what he needed.

Within seconds James was striding over to them, Aaron’s bag in his hand. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked. “Just carsick?”

“She doesn’t have a fever and she matches every symptom I usually get,” Aaron said. James knelt down next to them and touched Alex’s cheek and then her forehead. “The bonine will help, it’ll just take a while to kick in. There’s a couple of gatorades in there if you want one.”

“I don’t-”

James had already pulled one out and cracked the top open. “Drink it really slowly,” he said, pressing it into her hands. He glanced over at Aaron. “Do you mind staying with Spencer? I don’t want to leave him alone for too long, and he’s kind of hysterical.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll take care of him,” Aaron said. He pushed himself up and bent over Alex to kiss the top of her head. “Keep drinking the gatorade, Birdy, it’ll help.”

He walked back over to the car and climbed into the backseat next to Spencer. “Hey, hey, don’t cry,” he said. Spencer hiccupped, his hazel eyes wide. “Alex is fine. She’s just carsick.”

“Like you?” Spencer said.

“Yeah, like me,” Aaron sighed. He unlatched the booster seat and pulled Spencer out of it to sit beside him. “She’s kind of dizzy and her stomach hurts, but James will bring her back as soon as she feels better.”

Spencer’s shoulders hitched. “She said couldn’t breathe,” he said.

Aaron took his hand. “She’s breathing fine,” he reassured him. “She needed to get out of the car, that helped. James is with her right now and he’ll take care of her. We’ll be back on the road soon.”

“But she’s okay?”

“She’s fine,” Aaron said. He ruffled Spencer’s hair. “How about we go walk around the visitor’s center and see what snacks are in the vending machines?”

“I’m in my pajamas,” Spencer objected. “And I don’t have my shoes.”

“Don’t worry about it, we don’t have to impress anyone out here,” Aaron said. He dug around until he found Spencer’s purple sneakers and handed them over so he could pull them on. “We’ll give Alex some time to sit with James and let her stomach settle.”

He lifted Spencer out of the car and walked him over to the rest stop. Spencer seemed like he was fine, already falling back into his usual habits of asking a million questions and talking nonstop, but he clutched Aaron’s hand in a death grip. The rest stop was fairly quiet; Aaron took him to the bathroom and walked around looking at the brightly colored tourist brochures on display. He let him talk to his heart’s content, and he quietly bought every snack Spencer pointed to as he rattled off everything he knew about the invention of the potato chip and how cacao gets processed into chocolate.

By the time they made their way back to the car, Spencer’s arms were laden down with snacks and he was back to his usual self, trotting alongside Aaron as he chatted happily.

“Pick what snacks you want to eat now,” Aaron said, setting Spencer back in his booster seat. “When Alex is ready to get back in the car she probably won’t want to be around food. And don’t eat too much, I don’t want you getting sick in the car too.”

Spencer struggled to open a Twix bar, pulling hard on the wrapper. “Oh, I don’t get carsick,” he said. The wrapper tore open and he scrambled to grab the candy bars. “Not really.”

“Famous last words,” Aaron said. “Remember what Alex said before we started driving this morning? Don’t jinx yourself.”

He sat on the floor of the car, stretching out his long legs into the parking lot while Spencer ate his snacks. From where they were he could see Alex and James sitting together on the curb. He had his arm tight around her as she cuddled into his side, still clutching the Gatorade bottle, and every so often he would pause their conversation to kiss her temple or tap on the drink to remind her to take a sip.

After a while James helped Alex to her feet, keeping his arm around her waist while he carried the bag. Aaron got up, folding his arms as he waited for them. “Hey, are you feeling better?” he asked.

“I guess,” she said. “Sorry I puked.”

“Don’t worry about it, you’ve dealt with me being a disaster on more than a few occasions,” he said wryly.

James hugged Alex against his side. “Are you sure you’re ready to be back in the car?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think that medicine is kicking in, I’m really tired now,” she said.

“Do you want shotgun?” Aaron asked.

“Oh, no, I’ve already had one carsick person in my car today, I don’t need two,” James said. He opened the backseat door and picked up her discarded book. “Hotch, can you hold onto this? I don’t want her to be tempted.”

“I’ll be okay,” she protested. “I could probably read.”

She reached for it, but James quickly took the novel and tossed it in the front seat. “Alexandra, love of my life, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re not allowed to read right now,” he said. “Do you want an audiobook? I will download whatever audiobook you want to listen to right now if it means you don’t open that book and try to read it with your eyeballs.”

Alex sighed. “I’m just going to sleep,” she said.

James helped her into the backseat and she sank down. “Alex, are you okay?” Spencer asked.

She smiled at him and patted his knee. “I’m okay, bug,” she said. “Don’t worry about me.”

James picked up a spare blanket and tucked it around her. “Please take a nap, okay?” he said. “I’ll drive as smoothly as I can. And please say something if you feel sick again.”

“I will, I will,” she said, and James bent to kiss her cheek.

“I’ve got more medicine if you need it too,” Aaron offered.

“I’m fine, you guys can stop fussing over me,” Alex said. She sighed heavily and looked up at Aaron “But…thanks for helping me, bubba.”

He grinned at her. “No problem,” he said.

#au: patron saint of lost causes #criminal minds fanfiction #patron saint: alex #patron saint: hotch #patron saint: spencer #patron saint: james #tw: emetophobia #caitlin writes things #spencer is the sweetest baby #alex and aaron are the wonder twins #james is the best boyfriend in the world #patron saint: jalex #they seriously need a cuter ship name #please comment and reblog because it would make my heart so happy

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pazumane-archive · 3 years ago

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Closing Time - Asahi x Reader

Characters: Asahi Azumane, female reader, original female character, small Taichi cameo

Relationships: Asahi Azumane x Reader

Genre: Fluff, hurt/comfort if you squint, SFW but 16+ please

Warnings: Alcohol, general drunken shenanigans, emetophobia (mentions of vomit), bad language

WC: 6.4k

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! This is a totally self-indulgent bedtime-scenario-type story because there is simply not enough Asahi/Reader content out there and I adore him. It’s also my first time writing in 2nd person, so PLEASE feel free to send me any feedback, please just be kind :) I really don’t like to use y/n, so I only used it a couple times towards the end when I wasn’t sure what else to do lol

The preview begins with the bolded text below and fic continues after the cut :)

Reblogs appreciated! <3

You weren’t planning on getting this drunk. But by the time it got to be about 11:30, you didn’t know what else to do. You had put so much effort and energy into making yourself look nice just for your date not to show up. Your roommate was out of town, so instead of going home and pouting, you figured you might as well have some fun while you were out. But you’ve never been good at exercising restraint, and the fact that you were alone wasn’t doing you any favors. But by closing time had rolled around, you could hardly see straight. You needed help, so you call upon an old friend.

“Do you have anybody you can call for a ride?” Kawanishi asks.

Kawanishi’s the bartender at this izakaya, and over the course of the night, you spent most of the time talking his ear off. He’s nice enough, and held pleasant conversation for the last few hours. He says he used to be a volleyball player, and had even played on the same team as a one of the guys on the Japan National Team. You forget to ask him which school he attended, but he probably was tired of talking to your drunk ass anyway, so you don’t bother asking. “Yeah,” you say, digging in your purse for your phone. “Are you sure? I can call a cab for you if you need it,” he offers. “Nah,” you say, hiccupping between words. “I’ll call somebody. Thank you though.” “No problem,” he says. “Just try to make it quick.” You scroll through your phone, trying to figure out who to call. Your roommate’s out of town visiting her parents, so she’s a no-go. You could call Kokomi. Honestly, she would deserve the 2AM phone call for setting you up on this failed blind date in the first place. Ever since you moved to Tokyo last month, she was constantly trying to set you up with somebody, whether it was a friend, a coworker, or some rando that she had met on the train. Unfortunately, all of them were jerks. And this one was the biggest jerk of all. You silently curse yourself for going along with her antics again.

“He’s great, you’ll love him!” “You said that about the last three guys you tried to set me up with, Kokomi.” “Please!! You’ll never know if you don’t even give him a chance.”

Well, you gave him a chance. And it ended up with you all alone, drunk as hell in an unfamiliar part of the city. You dial Kokomi’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail. “Bitch,” you mutter. You unlock your phone again and look through to find somebody that might be able to take you home. You scroll back to the top of your contact list, and your eyes settle on another name. He lives just a few blocks away, and knowing him, he’s probably awake working on something anyway. You click on his contact and wait for him to answer.

The exhaustion’s starting to get to him. It’s the weekend and he can afford to stay up an extra couple of hours to finish this design, but the combination of fatigue and frustration are taking over. He sets down his pencil and moves towards his bed, until his cell starts to buzz. He glances over at the clock on the wall. 1:49 AM.

Who could possibly be calling at this hour?

Asahi picks up his phone, surprised to see your name on the screen. His heart skips a beat in his chest, both from excitement and nervousness. Aside from his teammates, you’re one of the only people he bothered to keep in contact with after high school. The two of you had even met up a few times since you moved to the city, but he never would have expected you to call at this hour unless… unless something is wrong. “Hey you, what’s up?” He says, choking back a yawn. “Hiiiii Asahiiii! I tried to call Kokomi but she didn’t answer her phone… could you come pick me up?” Your voice is thick and your words are almost unintelligible as you speak. It’s obvious that you’re far from sober. “Where are you?” Asahi asks, failing to mask the anxiety in his voice. “Are you okay? Are you safe?” “M’fine,” you slur. “But I…” Suddenly the call drops. Asahi calls you back in a panic, his heart racing as he waited for you to answer. You could be in danger and he’d be powerless to help you. He doesn’t even know where you are. “Hello?” A man’s voice comes through the speaker. “Who are you? Where is she?” Asahi asks frantically. “Relax, man. I’m just the bartender,” he says. “Look, your friend’s next to me, but she’s on the verge of passing out. Can you come get her before she pukes all over my bar? She’s at Zoetrope. You know where that is?” “Of course, I’m on my way now! I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Asahi says, grabbing his apartment keys and putting on a pair of shoes. He’s out the door almost immediately.

Kawanishi presses your phone back into your hands. Your head is spinning so fast that you struggle to keep your eyes open. “Is he coming?” you ask. “Yeah, he’s on the way,” Kawanishi says. “He’ll be here soon. Now do me a favor, don’t get this drunk the next time you come into my izakaya or I’ll have to kick you out.” “You’re kicking me out???” “Only if you start throwing up,” he says under his breath. “I’m not going to throw up!” you exclaim, suddenly becoming very aware of the churning in your stomach. You grumble, slumping over the bar. You squeeze your eyes shut, the spinning in your head only getting worse with every breath you take. You feel like you’re going to die, and honestly, between the embarrassment of being stood up and the wave of nausea coming over you, you’re ready to welcome that death with open arms. “Hey!” Kawanishi says, smacking the bar next to your head. “Your friend’s going to be here soon, don’t fall asleep or I’ll throw you out on the street myself.” “I’m sorry, Kawanishi-san.” You sit up slowly and cradle your head in your hands once more, trying to make the world stop spinning.

Please get here soon, Asahi.

Asahi sprints down the street as fast as he can towards the izakaya. He’s sure that he looks suspicious running down the street alone at night, but he doesn’t care. You’re in trouble, and he’s the only person that can help you. He finally makes it to the bar and hastily pulls the door open. You’re dressed beautifully, and your makeup and hair are exquisitely done. Unfortunately, the way you’re slumped over the bar makes it obvious that something’s wrong. He’s not sure what happened, but whatever it was, it must have been rough. The bartender gently helps you out of your seat, and Asahi can’t help but think that he looks very familiar. You straighten up and as soon as you make eye contact with Asahi, you perk up. “Asahi-san!” you exclaim, rushing towards him and almost falling over. You crush him in an unexpectedly tight hug. “Long time no see, big guy!” “I saw you three days ago,” he says under his breath. You continue babbling unintelligibly, and Asahi looks up at the bartender. “Did she close out her tab?” Asahi asks. “I took care of it already,” the bartender replies. “Please just make sure she gets home okay. She’s had a rough night.” “Yeah, of course,” Asahi says. “Thanks for helping her out.” “No problem.” Asahi peels your arms off him and starts to nudge you towards the door. Just before the two of you leave, Asahi stops and turns back to the bartender. “Have we met before?” he asks. “I played for Shiratorizawa. Didn’t think I’d see you again, Karasuno Samurai.” Asahi frowns slightly. He hasn’t heard that nickname high school, and it’s weird hearing it again now. “Right,” he says. “Well, thanks again. Have a good night.” Asahi leads you out of the bar and down the sidewalk. You hold tightly to his arm, stumbling over yourself. He braces you against his side, and you take this opportunity to tease him a little bit. “Do you like my outfit, Asahi-san?” you ask, pressing into his side. “Yeah, it’s really nice!” he answers nervously, turning his head to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. He’s not lying – you look beautiful, both your top and your skirt accentuating your curves in all the right places. But it would be wrong to say anything more than that while you’re in this state. That wouldn’t be fair to either of you. He brusquely clears his throat and keeps walking as soon as the light signals that you can cross. “I dressed up extra nice tonight, but it didn’t even fucking matter,” you grumble, your voice breaking slightly. Asahi either doesn’t hear you, or does hear you and decides not to say anything. “I’m soooo glad you’re here,” you say, drawing out your words even longer than you were a minute ago. “I’m sorry, this is super embarrassing! I should’ve figured this out on my own.” “It’s okay,” Asahi says. “How long have you been in Tokyo again?” “A month? I think?” “Exactly,” he says. “You probably don’t know your way around that much. I’d feel terrible if I wasn’t able to help you find your way home.” “Meh,” you say. “I’ve had the worst night of my fucking life, so maybe it would be better if I passed out in a ditch somewhere.” “Do you want to talk about it?” Asahi asks. “No,” you answer quickly. “Okay.” You start blathering again and Asahi has to practically drag you down the street behind him. The station just past his apartment has a train that can drop you right by your building. He can just take a cab back after he gets you home. He considers inviting you stay the night at his place since it’s right there, but he’s afraid of being weird, so he doesn’t say anything. The two of you come to a stop at the train station… which is closed. “I’m sorry,” Asahi says remorsefully. “I guess the train stopped running at midnight. I’ll call you a cab.” He goes to pull his phone out of his pocket, but you grab his hand before he can. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” you ask sheepishly. “I… my roommate is out of town. And I’m really not doing good right now. I just really don’t want to be alone.” Despite how out of it you’ve been since he picked you up, Asahi sees nothing but complete sincerity in your eyes. Tonight must have been really rough. “Are you sure?” he asks. “I’ll just sleep on the couch- or a futon if you have one!” you say, nodding. “Okay.” Asahi turns back towards his apartment and you follow closely behind him, not letting go of his hand the entire time.

Asahi helps you across the threshold of his apartment and sits you down on a chair by the door. “Asahi-san, you’re so handsome with your hair down like that,” you say, reaching up to twirl a finger in his long chestnut tresses. “And you’re loopy,” Asahi mutters, disentangling your fingers from his hair. Once again, he finds himself hiding a blush. He’s not used to being showered with compliments, and he knows you wouldn’t be saying this stuff if you were sober. He kicks off his shoes and kneels down in front of you, helping you take yours off. “How are you feeling?” he asks you. “Can I get you some water or a some–” “Why didn’t you ask me out when we were in high school?” you ask suddenly. “I think I made it pretty obvious that I had a crush on you. It’s all I could think about when you were holding my hand back there.” “I – I, uh,” Asahi stammers. You burst out laughing, startling Asahi. It’s that same boisterous laugh you’ve had for as long as he could remember knowing you. You were always self-conscious about it in high school, but your laugh has always been one of Asahi’s favorite things about you. Despite the fact that it’s at his expense, he’s glad to see your mood improve. Asahi considers your question for a moment. He really liked you too back then, and everyone knew it. Suga and Daichi constantly teased him for it.

So why hadn’t he asked you out back then?

Well, for a number of reasons. He spent so much of his third year focused on volleyball that he didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity for much else. He hadn’t even planned on going back to school after graduation until Nishinoya helped convince him to pursue his passions. He felt directionless, and he didn’t want to burden anybody else with his indecision. But most importantly, he was scared you’d reject him. Suga was right. He really was a coward. He’d dated a few people since high school graduation, but none of them made him feel the way you did, and they didn’t treat him as well as you would have. Which begs the question – why hasn’t he asked you out since you moved to Tokyo? He pushes the thought to the back of his mind. This isn’t the kind of conversation to be having when you aren’t even able to form a coherent sentence. Asahi’s thoughts are interrupted by your hand on his shoulder and a loud hiccup. “I should wash my face. Can I wash my face?” “Sure,” Asahi says, helping you stand up. You stumble forward, but he catches you easily and pulls you back to your feet. He quietly leads you to the bathroom and sits you down on the edge of the bathtub. “I’m sorry,” you say. “I’m a mess.” “No, you’re not. Hold on a second,” he says, opening the drawer under the sink. He pulls out a small package of makeup wipes and takes one out. He kneels in front of you and begins wiping the makeup off your face. “I know they’re not great for your skin,” he says. “But it’s better than nothing, right?” “Why do you even have those?” you ask between hiccups. “Do you wear makeup? I mean, it’s obviously fine if you do, but it doesn’t really seem like your thing.” “I don’t, but you never know when they’ll come in handy! I do work with a lot of makeup artists,” he says, somewhat defensively. You get the sense that he’s lying about something, but Asahi changes the subject before you can probe him any further. “So what were you doing there by yourself?” he asks. “It’s not safe to be alone so late at night.” Clearly this was the wrong thing to ask. All the negative emotions and thoughts you were having all even spring to the forefront of your mind, and you start to cry. Asahi starts apologizing profusely, but you wave him off. “It’s fine,” you sniffle, wiping a tear away from your cheek. “Kokomi was trying to set me up with one of her friends, but he never showed up.” Asahi sits back on his heels. Kokomi is another girl from Karasuno that ended up in Tokyo. She wasn’t in the same class as him, but he remembers how loud she always was in the hallways. Honestly, both of you were always loud, but you’ve always been much more considerate of others than Kokomi ever was. “Shit,” he mumbles. “That really sucks. I’m sorry.” “Yeah. It does suck.” Asahi grabs another wipe and asks you to close your eyes. You do as he says, and he lightly wipes off your eye makeup. He’s worked with enough models to recognize that you’re wearing false eyelashes, so he gently pulls those off too. You feel yourself start to wobble on the edge of the tub, so you grip his arm to steady yourself. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “It’s okay,” he says. “You don’t need to keep apologizing to me.” “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” you ask suddenly. “Wait, what?” “I just… this keeps happening to me. Everyone always says that it’s because they’re not the right person for me, but it’s starting to feel like there’s just something wrong with me instead,” you say, choking back a sob. “I know I just moved here, but I’m just so lonely. I hate feeling like I’m not good enough.” Asahi tenderly wipes a tear from your cheek and cups your face in both hands. “Hey, look at me. There is nothing wrong with you,” he says sincerely. “That guy is an idiot and a jerk. If he had any idea how extraordinary you are, he never would’ve done that to you.” You can’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes. You don’t feel like you deserve to be spoken to like this – with such genuine kindness and sincerity. Asahi makes you feel so good. So special. He always has. And he’s just so… tender, especially for somebody who looks as intimidating as he does. You wonder if those feelings from high school ever truly went away. You sit up straighter and try to smile at him, but your stomach flips unexpectedly and violently. “Asahi-san?” you ask, gripping his shoulder tightly. “Yeah?” he replies. “Toilet.” Asahi moves out of the way as fast as possible. You hunch over the rim and retch into the toilet bowl. Asahi quickly scoops up your hair and holds it behind your head as you throw up. “Please, just leave me,” you mutter. “I’m gonna fucking die here.” “I’m not going to leave you here and you’re not going to die,” Asahi says, gingerly picking up the last loose strands laying on your neck and holding them back with the rest of your hair. Your back tenses up again before you begin heaving once more. Asahi tucks his nose into the collar of his shirt, careful to make sure that he’s out of your field of vision. He wants to be there for you but he had a weak stomach himself and the sight and smell of somebody else’s vomit is something he knows he won’t be able to handle. You mumble weak apologies between hacks, but Asahi just ignores them and rubs your back gently. After what feels like an eternity, the churning in your stomach finally stops and you reach up towards the flush handle. The exhaustion in your body and heart finally begin to catch up with you, and your hand falls back to your side. “I got it. Do you think you’re done?” Asahi asks, coaxing you back up into a seated position. You nod, too tired to try to speak. Asahi quickly tugs his shirt back down from his face before you can see and closes the toilet lid. “I’m sorry,” you mumble. “Don’t be,” Asahi says, flushing the toilet. “I’m your friend. I want to help you. And I’ve already told you that you don’t need to apologize to me.” Asahi helps you sit on the top of the toilet and rises to his feet. “Don’t go anywhere,” he says, scurrying out of the room. Although your eyes are closed, you still feel your body swaying. More than anything, you just want to go to sleep. Asahi pads back into the room and presses a wooden cup into your hands. “Drink this,” he says, turning on the faucet. Even though drinking something is the last thing you want to be doing right now, you go ahead and lift the cup to your open mouth. Cold water passes your lips and washes away some of the disgusting taste in your mouth. It feels gross, but you force yourself to drink all of it. Asahi takes the cup from your hand and turns the faucet back off. You flinch at the feeling of a damp washcloth on your face. “It’s okay,” Asahi says gently, cradling your chin with his free hand and angling your face up. “Just cleaning you up a little.” You murmur in acknowledgement and Asahi continues to wipe your face down. You almost fall asleep sitting on his toilet, but he gently shakes you to keep you awake. “Stay with me for another minute,” he says softly. “You can go to sleep soon. You’re gonna be just fine. I promise.” His words and his voice are so sweet that you want to cry. A couple rogue tears drip from your eyes and onto his hands. “I’m sorry,” you say once more. Asahi sets the washcloth on the counter and starts to pull you to your feet. You struggle to stay on your feet, so instead, he carefully scoops you into his arms and carries you out the bathroom. You don’t care where you go, you just need to sleep. Asahi’s pretty certain you’re asleep by the time he deposits you on his mattress. Your chest rises and falls slowly as he pulls his duvet over you. He begins to make his way to the couch, but stops when he feels you grab his hand. “Please don’t go, Asahi-san,” you whisper. “Please.” You tug harder at his fingers and he knows he can’t refuse you. He ends up sitting on the edge of the bed holding your hand until you fall asleep.

As soon as your quiet snores permeate the silence, Asahi untangles his fingers from yours. He brushes a loose strand of hair out of your face and he can’t help but let his eyes linger on your sleeping face for just a moment. The moonlight trickling through the window illuminates your hair and casts a silvery glow on your skin. Despite the awful night you’ve had, you look absolutely radiant. He feels himself blushing again, but he takes some comfort in the fact that he doesn’t have to try and hide it this time. Not while you’re fast asleep in his bed. He’s far too scared to admit it, even to himself, but he’s fantasized about falling asleep next to you many times before. But in those fantasies you weren’t drunk and crying over another man. Asahi sighs, stands up, and moves over to the dresser as quietly as he can. After setting a few things out for you, he goes into the bathroom, gets ready for bed and heads to the couch for the night.

By the time you wake up in the morning, you feel like you’re going to die. You can’t remember what exactly happened the previous night. The last thing you remember clearly was talking to the bartender about high school volleyball, of all things. Your head’s pounding, and your stomach aches painfully, screaming at you to please eat something. You don’t open your eyes, fearing that it would somehow trigger another round of vomiting. Eventually, you force yourself into a seated position and open your eyes. The bedroom you’re in is small, but pretty well-decorated. It’s decently tidy. The only mess is a few crumpled up clothing designs discarded on the floor next to the trash bin.

Designs? Did that mean?

You’re at Asahi’s apartment. In his bed. Your eyes widen in panic.

What happened last night?

You’re still wearing the clothes that you wore to the bar last night. And there’s no evidence of him ever being in bed with you. You reach over towards your phone, which has been graciously plugged in for you and set on the bedside table. That’s when you notice the note along with a sleeve of crackers and a glass of ginger ale.

Good morning!

There’s a set of clothes you can wear at the foot of the bed and a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Feel free to take a shower if you want. Extra towels are underneath the sink. Please have something to eat and drink too. You’ll feel better if you do.

-Asahi

P.S. Please don’t feel bad. It’s okay.

You grab a few of the crackers from the bedside table and eat them, washing them down with the ginger ale.

Why does Asahi have to be so damn considerate? The whole situation is so embarrassing.

You contemplate just grabbing your phone and getting the hell out of his apartment, but you’re not going to pass up the opportunity to shower. You finish the last of the crackers, chug down the ginger ale, and grab the spare clothes at the end of the bed. You turn the doorknob as silently as you can and awkwardly creep down the hall towards the bathroom, stopping briefly to peek in the living room. Asahi’s fast asleep on the couch, clad only in pajama pants and a pair of fuzzy socks. His hair is down and messily splayed across the throw pillow he’s resting his head on. Quiet snores pass his lips. He looks cute. Your eyes trail from his face and down to his stomach. Despite quitting volleyball after high school, he seems to have mostly maintained his athletic form, except for a tiny little layer of pudge on his lower stomach. The corners of your lips twitch up into a smile, until that little voice in the back of your mind reminds you of your place.

Quit staring, you perv! You need to get out of here!

You hurriedly continue down the hallway and jump into the shower as soon as you get into the bathroom. You think that maybe if you clean up fast enough, you can get out of Asahi’s apartment before he wakes up. However, as soon as you step into the shower, all worries about rushing out disappear into the back of your mind. You bask in the hot water, the steam clearing your sinuses and relieving some of the pain in your head. You silently thank the gods that Asahi actually uses conditioner, and not just 3-in-1 like most of the other men you were previously…. acquainted with. Although, it makes sense to you that somebody with hair like Asahi’s would have a strict haircare routine. As you shower, fragmented memories of last night start to come back to you.

Being stood up at the bar. Calling Asahi for help. Puking your guts out in his bathroom. Him carrying you into his room and laying you down on his bed. Him staying by your side until you fell asleep. You wishing he would’ve crawled into bed with you and held you through the night… Wait, what was that last part?

As soon as you’re done rinsing the conditioner from your hair, you step out of the shower and swiftly towel off. You find the spare toothbrush Asahi mentioned, take it out of the packaging, and brush your teeth with his toothpaste. The dry, gross feeling in your mouth is quickly replaced with a minty fresh taste. You slip on the sweatpants and t-shirt that Asahi left for you and dry your hair. Thankfully, Asahi isn’t as huge as most people make him out to be, so while the clothes he left out are a bit big on you, you’re not drowning in them. You’ll just bring them back some other day. You start combing through your hair, and that’s when you hear it – the sound of somebody padding around in the apartment. Shit. Once the footsteps quiet down, you rush out of the bathroom and towards the front door. Asahi eyes you as you scoop up your shoes, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Good morning!” he says kindly. “How are you feeling?” “I’m so sorry Azumane-san, it won’t happen again!” you say as you throw open the door and rush into the hallway. “Hold on, wait up!” he says as you pull the door closed behind you. You run all the way to the stairs at the end of the hallway and go to call Kokomi for a ride home. That’s when you realize that your phone is still plugged into the wall in Asahi’s room. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You turn around and trudge back towards his apartment. Before you can even knock, the door opens slowly. Asahi stands there in just his pajama pants, holding your phone out to you. “You shouldn’t leave without your phone,” he says. You thank him and take your phone, a blush creeping up your cheeks. You try not to stare at his bare chest, already feeling like a creep for ogling him while he was sleeping. “Your clothes are still in the bathroom, too,” he says. “I can go get them for you. Or I can just wash them and give them back to you another time if you want to leave.” “No, that’s okay,” you say, covering your flushing cheeks with the collar of his shirt. “I’ll get them. Can I come in?” “Of course.” Asahi steps out of your way and you head straight for the bathroom, avoiding looking in his eyes. Asahi never gets angry, and you know he wouldn’t be mad at you over something like this, but a lingering sense of shame still washes over you. You scoop up your clothes and leave the bathroom. As soon as you cross the threshold into the living room, the smell of coffee and frying fish washes over you. Asahi stands in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. In the time that you were in the bathroom, he put on a Black Jackals sweatshirt and threw his hair into a loose bun. “Do you want a cup of coffee?” he asks, smiling at you and pouring his own cup. “It’ll help with the hangover.” You stand there and ponder his offer for a moment. Sensing your hesitancy, Asahi suddenly turns back to the stove and mumbles something that you can’t quite make out. “What did you say?” you ask. Asahi rubs the back of his neck, a nervous habit he’s had since you were kids. “I don’t mean to pressure you to stay or anything! I just thought it might help for you to have something more than crackers and ginger ale.” “You’ve done plenty to help me since last night,” you say. “But I’ll take that coffee if the offer is still on the table.” “It is!” Asahi says a little too enthusiastically for his own good. You can’t help but smirk as you take your seat at the kitchen table. Asahi pours you a cup of coffee and slides you a bowl of the rice and fish he made. You thank him quietly and start to eat. He slides into the chair across from you and eats his own breakfast, eyeing you carefully. “What?” you ask after catching him staring. “Since when have you ever called me Azumane-san?” he asks. “I don’t know,” you mumble into your coffee mug. “I didn’t think we reverted back from first name basis,” he says. “I thought we knew each other better than that.” “I don’t know,” you say, a devilish smile crossing your face. “Care to explain why you actually had those makeup wipes in your bathroom drawer? I doubt your makeup artists are coming over to your apartment.” Now it’s Asahi’s turn to blush again. “My ex-girlfriend left them here,” he says. “Felt like a waste to just throw them out.” “Ex-girlfriend?!” you exclaim suddenly, startling Asahi and causing him to drop the wipe on the floor. “I didn’t know you were seeing somebody!” “Yeah,” he says, throwing the wipe in the trash and grabbing a fresh one. “We broke up a while before you moved to the city. She left a bunch of her stuff here and refused to come pick it up. I think she was just too embarrassed to see me again. I got rid of most of it a while ago, but I kept some of the more… uh, utilitarian things.” “I’m sorry,” you say sincerely. “Why did you break up?” Asahi feels a slight pang in his chest. He met his last girlfriend through his job. She was nice enough, and things seemed like they were going okay until he showed up at her apartment to surprise her for their 6 month anniversary, only to find another man in her bed. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you say. “It’s fine. She cheated on me with some other guy,” he says, his expression darkening. “I think they’re engaged now.” “Shit,” you say. “What a bitch.” “Woah, settle down, it’s okay –” “No, it’s not,” you say firmly. “You deserve someone way better than that. Somebody that treats you with the love and respect that you deserve.” Asahi knows you’re right, but he doesn’t really want to press it. That whole mess had done a number on his mental health, and he really doesn’t want to burden you with his emotional baggage. He adjusts his glasses again and forces a smile. “You know, you should really take your own advice,” he says. You try to think back on what you had said to him last night. The details are fuzzy, but you remember crying. A lot. Instead of answering him, you shovel down the last of the rice and fish. “Thank you for the meal,” you say. Asahi smiles and nods at you before beginning to clear the dishes away. You stand up and stop him, insisting that you clean up yourself. As you finish drying the bowls, your phone buzzes. You check it, only to see a handful of missed texts from Kokomi.

Ono Kokomi [8:32} Hey!! Sorry I missed your call. How was he? (°◡°♡) [9:14] That good? (^.~)☆ [9:18] Or that bad?! (;;;*_*) [9:57] HELLO?? (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ [10:32] ARE YOU ALIVE?!?!?! 〣( ºΔº )〣

You roll your eyes and quickly type out your response.

Y/N [10:33] Yeah, no thanks to you. (￢_￢;)

Ono Kokomi [10:34] Was it really that bad?

Y/N [10:34] He didn’t even show up. (╥_╥) [10:34] Azumane picked me up at 2 AM because I was too drunk to go home alone. I stayed the night at his place. [10:34] Speaking of which, can you come pick me up? Not really in a state to take the train and I think you owe me one.

Ono Kokomi [10:35] (⊙_⊙) [10:35] Spill. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N [10:36] There’s nothing to spill. I threw up in his bathroom and he slept on the couch. Can you just answer my question please? (҂` ﾛ ´)凸

Ono Kokomi [10:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m on my way, lovebird. (￣ε￣＠)

“Everything okay?” Asahi asks. “Yeah,” you say, slipping your phone back into your pocket. “Kokomi’s going to come pick me up.” “Are you sure? I can take you if you want,” he offers. “Yeah, she’s already on her way,” you say, setting the bowl down and turning to face him. “Besides, you’ve done more than enough for me already over the last twelve hours.” You silently pick up your things and walk towards the door. Asahi rises from his chair and awkwardly clears his throat. “Do you have all your stuff?” You nod and smile. Before you open the door, you approach him and wrap your arms around his waist. He shyly hugs you back, hoping you can’t hear the rapid pounding in his chest. “Thank you, Asahi,” you whisper. “You’re amazing.” You let go first and leave his apartment quietly. As soon as the door closes, Asahi walks back into the living room and flops down on the couch. He covers his face with his hands and groans. This morning was almost too much for him – seeing you in his clothes, eating breakfast together, you hugging him before you left. It was all so painfully domestic, and he wishes it didn’t have to end. If only he wasn’t such a coward, he would’ve asked you to stay longer. He doesn’t know how long he lays there until he finally decides to get moving for the day and finish that piece he was working on when you called last night. He checks his phone and sees your name pop up on the screen.

Y/N [11:00] I’m home. Thanks again for babysitting me last night. Whatever did I do to deserve you as my guardian angel? ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚ [11:00] Or was that Noya-san? I forget. (^ω~)

Azumane Asahi [11:01] Lol. You’re welcome. And that was what we called Noya in our club days, but I don’t mind you calling me that too (* ^ ω ^)

Y/N [11:03] Let me make it up to you. [11:04] Come over for dinner tomorrow night?

Asahi almost drops his phone on his face. His fingers fumble as he types his response. He waits a moment before sending it, rereading it ten times to make sure he doesn’t come across as desperate.

Azumane Asahi [11:07] I’d love to. Do you want me to bring anything?

Y/N [11:08] That’s not necessary. I owe you a nice dinner. [11:09] You still like tonkotsu ramen?

Azumane Asahi [11:10] I do!

Y/N [11:11] It’s a date! See you tomorrow! (☞°ヮ°)☞ ☜(°ヮ°☜)

“You said nothing happened last night,” Kokomi says, staring over your shoulder at your phone. “Nothing happened, Kokomi. Now leave me alone,” you snap, tossing one of your throw pillows at her. She deftly catches it and plops down on the couch next to you. “Please,” she says, swatting you with the pillow. “The only reason you two haven’t gotten together is because you’re the densest people on the planet. I bet he’s flopped down on his couch right now thinking about how he doesn’t even want to wait that long to see you.” “Shut up,” you grumble. Kokomi’s phone rings and she quickly checks it. “Anyway, I have to go meet Kaito,” she says. “Got to go. Let me know how your date goes!” She waves and practically skips out the front door. You lay down and start making a shopping list for ingredients for tonkatsu ramen. As soon as you’re done, you set your phone down and cross your arms over your face.

“I bet he’s flopped down on his couch right now thinking about how he doesn’t even want to wait that long to see you.” No, Kokomi. That’s me.

#asahi azumane #azumane asahi #asahi x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu #haikyuu fic #haikyuu fic writer #asahi x female reader #asahi x you #asahi x yn

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heyitsmerose · 4 years ago

Text

Ateez reaction to their s/o having an intense phobia (Hyung Line)

Word Count : 2.4k

Genre : Angst

Trigger warning* Mentions of abuse

Mentions of phobias, read with caution in case something triggers you

Hongjoong :

You hadn’t told Hongjoong about your phobia yet. It wasn’t a phobia as much as it was a trigger, that evoked flashbacks to a dark time in the past. When you were just 15, you got into your first relationship, with someone a year older than you in the same school. Being young and naïve, you thought his overprotectiveness and his controlling nature was love. You often fought, but quickly reconciled and despite it being extremely toxic, you stayed in the relationship, thinking it was love. Then the unthinkable happened, he suddenly got angry once, and hit you, with a belt. It stung and you tried to run, only for him to hit you harder. He apologised the next day, crying, you quickly accepted not realising that you were now trapped in this endless cycle.

You forgot about most of the past however, being in a loving relationship with Hongjoong, you couldn’t have wanted more. You had been dating for over two years now, and you decided to move in together, finally. This meant, you needed to get really comfortable with each other. Hongjoong, didn’t mind, constantly coming out after showers with just a towel around his waist, while you were still a little more shy. It was a normal evening, and you had decided to cuddle up together to spend some time together. You had already changed into a matching robe that you had gotten, one for the each of you. Hongjoong, had just gotten back home from work and was changing. He took off his shirt and you couldn’t help but stare at his chest and stomach in awe, it always amazed you how nonchalant he was about small things that drove you crazy. He noticed you staring and smirked. He walked towards you, and turned around, giving you a show. You just laughed at his childish antics. He went a step further though, and tried to be seductive as a joke, pulling out his belt, quickly from the belt rings, in a sexy way. For you however, this triggered something. You immediately stopped laughing and your eyebrows knitted together. You tried to work out these emotions you thought you had forgotten about. Hongjoong noticed you spacing out, so he decided to come closer to grab your attention again.

From your perspective however, the way he was holding the belt, walking towards you and had a suggestive smirk on his face (even if it was just a joke) all triggered a flashback, and you immediately flinched, hands flying to your head to cover it.

“NO! please don’t hurt me I’m begging you” You pleaded, your voice muffled by your head being stuffed in your arms shielding yourself. Hongjoong immediately realised something was wrong and stepped back. At this point, forgotten memories had all started coming back and your heart was racing at a million miles per hour, your head full of graphic flashbacks. You started to cry feeling helpless.

“Please, don’t hurt me again” You begged, voice hoarse. Hongjoong was super worried at this point and had abandoned the belt into the furthest corner of the room, walking towards you slowly. He engulfed you in his warm embrace, and didn’t care that he was shirtless. You flinched but recognised his familiar scent and hugged him back.

“Hongjoongie, I’m so sorry, I don’t- my ex- he- I- I was scared” You finally admitted, looking at him in the eyes. You were met with loving eyes staring back at you, and he cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears away. He kissed your nose, shushing you.

“Hey, Y/n, don’t apologise honey, it’s not your fault” he said pulling you closer.

You were thankful that he was so understanding and finally explained your side of the story. Whenever you felt like you couldn’t go on anymore, he just held you and hugged you tight, and you got the strength to continue, after all, you really wanted him to know. After you told him, he made sure to throw out all the belts he owned, no matter how expensive they were, you came first. He offered to accompany you to therapy too.

Seonghwa :

You had one of the most unexplainable phobias ever. Emetophobia, the fear of throwing up. Just the thought of it, was enough to send you into a frenzy, uncontrollably sweating, shaking and feeling nauseous, quite ironically. Being with Seonghwa had it’s perks, you knew that he was a germaphobe himself and you were aware that he would be too embarrassed to admit if he ever threw up, most likely tidying away before you even knew. Problems arose when you felt nauseous. You couldn’t even imagine the thought of someone else throwing up, let alone yourself. The past weekend however, you had been feeling quite nauseous. You had gotten food poisoning, your worst enemy. The doctor had told you to just throw it up whenever possible, to get it out of your system, but that was out of the question, so you simply bared the feeling. In the middle of the night however, it had gotten too much. Your stomach was aching like crazy, you felt so nauseous and bloated, you felt like you could explode, and you felt dizzy from holding it in. You had no option but to just cry. Seonghwa was right next to you, fast asleep, but when he heard your cries, he instantly got up, mom mode on.

“Hey, hey, hey Y/n?” He asked, his voice husky since he just woke up.

“Seonghwa, go back to sleep please this is nothing” You whispered not trusting your voice.

“No Y/n, there’s obviously something bothering you, I could hear you crying for god’s sake, please just tell me what’s wrong” He said sternly

“I don’t knowww” You said breaking down, crying more while saying every word. At this point Seonghwa had turned on the light and turned to you, cupping your cheeks in his hand.

“I feel terrible, I feel so nauseous and I feel like throwing up, but I can’t and I feel dizzy from holding it in, I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s alright babygirl, just throw it up, and let it out, I’m sure you’ll feeling better. He said rubbing your back.

“No, Seonghwa you don’t understand, I can’t the thought itself...” You said pausing, a chill going down your spine.

“The thought itself is enough to make me feel nervous and disgusting, I can’t bare the thought of it, I don’t know why” He just hummed and picked you up, taking you to the bathroom. You just sat on the floor and cried, feeling terrible.

Seonghwa then simply looked at you and told you, that the best way to get over your fear would be to expose yourself to it. You freaked out, trying to get up and leave the washroom, only for him to hold you by your hand and hold you in his lap. He then guided you through the entire thing, disregarding how he felt. He sat you in his lap, the both of you facing the toilet bowl. He then held your waist, and asked you if you were ready. You nodded, and he squeezed your stomach. The pain, discomfort and nausea caused you to instantly throw up. Seonghwa told you to close your eyes, and held both his hands over your ears. After it was done. You looked up at him feeling way better and really grateful.

You brushed your teeth and went to bed feeling way better, not only because you didn’t feel as nauseous as before, but also because now Seonghwa knew about your fear.

Yunho :

Your fear? Bugs you hated them. It all started after you fell into this berry bush once when you were very young. You came out covered in ants, a few worms, and caterpillars, you felt one crawling into your ear, and ever since have had the worst fear. In fact, for weeks after that happened, you swore you felt a crawling sensation in your ear, and have always been paranoid. Yunho however, did not know of this, and he was about to find out, as you both went to the zoo. He took you to the zoo, as a sweet half year anniversary, and you were all for it. In fact, you hadn’t felt this free in a while. You took pictures with the elephants, the giraffes and even got to play with ostriches. Feeding off of each other’s energy, you decided to stop at one last place. Yunho wanted to take romantic pics at the butterfly sanctuary, as he really loved them. Their colourful, patterned wings were totally up his ally.

He dragged you into the the enclosed dome, giggling, and you walked in laughing too, not realising where you were going. When you entered, you saw a small green butterfly approach you and instantly you panicked. You subtly ran behind Yunho, but it only followed you and landed on your shoulder. The crawling sensation once again returning to your ears as it had years ago, you quickly shrieked, swatting it away. Yunho flinched and looked at you, only to find you on the ground squatting, covering yourself with your trench coat on top of you, your hands around your knees, into a ball. He quickly realised something was wrong, and guided you out, making sure nothing came your way. The second you got out, you breathed out a sigh of relief. You ran to the nearest bench and buried your head in your hands, trying to regulate your breathing. Yunho rushed over and sat next to you, rubbing your back. You just massaged your head, feeling a little upset that you let your stupid fear ruin your wonderful date.

“Yunho, I’m sorry I ruined our date.” You said honestly

“PFFTT, ruined? I hate butterflies anyways” He said, trying to lie. You just sighed and shook your head, decided to tell him your story. The entire time, we was smiling like a child and when you asked him why, he simply said it was because he imagined you as a cute little child, and that brought a smile to his face. He also laughed in the middle a few times, imagining you covered in bugs, but you just lightly shoved him, pouting, telling him he was being insensitive. He apologised and you continued with the story. By the end of it, he heard your side and apologised for taking you there. You shrugged it off and decided to head home.

On the way you stopped at a small souvenir shop to get something for yourselves. Guess what you got. Matching, badass, black butterfly earrings. Take that, stupid phobia.

Yeosang :

You had possibly one of the most abnormal yet scary fears, men. Although it sounds weird, your biggest fear in life was men. You were a survivor though. Result of a sexually abusive step-father and a boyfriend in uni that stalked and controlled your every move, you had become conscious around who you spent your time with and who you associated yourself with. In fact, it took you a total of 4 years after your last abusive relationship, for you to finally meet Yeosang and begin dating. Not being a touchy, feely person himself, he didn’t often initiate skin ship and you were grateful. A few months into your relationship, he started slowly showing affection though. For example, every now and then, he’d subtly sneak his hand round your waist. Most of the time though, you slyly moved away, and he usually never noticed. He also starting kissing your forehead, and you let it slide, thinking it was genuinely cute. You hadn’t yet reached the level of comfort to make-out though.

He only found out about your fear when he introduced you to the rest of the boys however. This was the first time you were going to the dorms, where he stayed, but you didn’t realise he lived with others, 7 others specifically. The second the door opened and he walked through it, you heard a lout of yelling, chatting and background noise. The voices all sounded like male voices. Your memories were coming back to you, and you couldn’t get it out of your head. You tried walking through the door, but it felt as if your feet were stuck in place. Yeosang realised you hadn’t come in yet, so he want back out, intertwined your fingers, and walked through the front door with you. You kept your head down not wanting to look at any of them or make eye contact. The second you felt their voices coming closer, and huddling around you and Yeosang, you instinctively moved closer to him, hugging his side, nails digging into his shirt. He looked down at you and you shook your head. He looked at the others with a confused face, and no one knew what to do. Enough was enough however, you decided to finally fight your fears and look at them. When you did however, your world came crashing down. The blue haired boy’s face transformed into your ex boyfriends, while the taller one’s turned into your dad’s. Tears started collect in in your eyes, and you started to breathe heavy.

Feeling you shake and hearing your whimpers, Yeosang looked down at you, only to see you looking into Hongjoong’s eyes, and then Yunho’s. Tears fell nonstop from your eyes, and the rest of the members looked confused. Yeosang yelled at all of them to go back to their rooms, away from you for a bit, and they obliged, getting away from you. You were still shaking however as Yeosang took your hands in his.

“Babe what’s wrongg” He asked cooing at you.

“I-” You choked, unable to finish your sentence

“I don’t have a good past with um guys, they, this- my- step dad, he” You cut yourself off with a string of sobs. Yeosang patted your shoulder and you flinched.

“I’m sorry Y/n... I didn’t mean to...You know I would never hurt you right?” He explained feeling guilty. You just nodded and told him it was not his fault. He took you to his room and locked it, for hours you spoke about your fears and your past, and he listened to all of it. It was safe to say, he was way more considerate in the future, and gradually introduced you to the boys after you felt comfortable.

#ateez x reader #ateez ff #ateez fanfic #ateezff #yeosang #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #ateezhyungs #ateezangst #ateez whump #ateez fluff #ateez phobia

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splendidly-secret-sick-fics · 4 years ago

Note

Ooo! What about Kuroo feeling really unwell during training camp while training with Bokuto, Akaashi, Tsukki, Hinata and Lev? He's probably felt bad for a while, but just suffered through. So when everything becomes too much, a panicking Hinata runs to get Kenma... and you can decide the rest.

Only if you're comfortable with writing it though! Have a nice day!

Leaders Don’t Cry: a Kuroo sickfic

Pairing: sick Kuroo, caretakers Kenma, Tsukki, Bokuto, Akaashi, kinda Hinata & Lev

Word Count: 4,266

Warnings: vomit, swearing, slight emetophobia, and sad Kuroo :(

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Thanks for the request friend :) I’ve only ever written Kuroo & Kenma as side characters, so this was kinda fun!!

I’m not super super happy with the overall product, but that’s alright. I do feel like maybe it’s not super cohesive? Idk. Let me know!! I look forward to improving my characterization of Kuroo and Kenma.

———————————————————-

Kuroo was a Leader. He was someone that others looked up to. Someone you could depend on.

Leaders were extroverts though, and Kuroo had to admit he did his best Recharging alone in his room or the quiet company of the Kenma. That’s an Introvert Thing, apparently. Even when he was young, too many people or too much social interaction drained him. Another Introvert Thing.

When he met Kenma and started playing volleyball, it seemed he naturally outgrew his Introvert Model, shedding his shy, intimidated outer-self. It was easily replaced with the Extrovert Model.

Now, Kuroo liked being surrounded by his team and his friends and he liked meeting new people. That’s an Extrovert Thing. So Kuroo was an Extrovert.

(“That makes you an Introverted Extrovert, Kuro,” Kenma told him one day. Kuroo didn’t understand how that could possibly be a thing.)

As an Extrovert, it was only natural that he became the captain of his volleyball team his third year. It was only natural that he was the Bridge between Karasuno and the Tokyo powerhouse schools.

(Kenma claimed, when the two of them were alone at least, that it was really his friendship with Chibi-Chan and their coaches that did that. Kuroo refused to concede this point.)

As the Leader and Bridge, it was again only natural that not only his team, but also other teams’ players were drawn to his wisdom and sparkling personality.

(“You forced yourself on them,” Kenma sighed.)

And that’s how he, Kuroo Tetsuro, Certified Extroverted Leader, came to be in Gym Three, long after their main practice ended with two of Karasuno’s first years, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Lev.

And that’s also how he ended up in the Worst Possible Situation.

It went down like this.

They were at another training camp with the Fukurodani Group and Regular Guests, Karasuno High. It was a short one, thrown together quickly because of the long weekend.

After much convincing (read: coercion) from him and Bokuto, Tsukishima Kei agreed to join them again for blocking practice. They pushed because Kuroo couldn’t stand to watch this kid’s talent waste away and Bokuto was personally offended that Tsukki still didn’t seem to enjoy volleyball.

It should have come as no surprise that Karasuno’s Hinata Shoyo joined in again, determined to redeem himself from his previous loss at the last camp.

And then because Haiba Lev decided that Chibi-chan and him were rivals, he joined in too.

(Akaashi claimed he had no choice but to join. It was either endless practice or endless Dejected Bokuto. Kuroo thinks he’s just masochistic.)

Their first night was awesome. He saw a fire ignited in Tsukki and got to smash Bokuto’s spikes back in his face. Plus, his ego was boosted because the three first years were all wowed by his skill.

Tonight, however, was not great. If he was honest with himself, things were bad from the second he woke up, and promptly wanted to curl back into his futon.

His head hurt and his body ached. The sounds of his team waking up and getting ready for the day set his nerves on edge the second he heard them. He felt overcrowded and overstimulated and he wasn’t even out of bed yet.

It had all the signs of a Recharge Alone Day, but it was the last full day of a training camp in which he was supposed to be a Leader. So, he pushed that all aside and got up to go lead.

As the day progressed, Kuroo gave more and more thought to Kenma’s “Introverted Extrovert” theory. He still loved his team and wanted to be around them. He did want to participate in the games and hang out with the other teams.

He also so so very badly wanted to sit in the dark for the next several hours.

Kuroo’s headache only grew more insistent as the day went on, likely due to the sounds of squeaking shoes, bouncing volleyballs, and the too warm summer heat. He got increasingly more fidgety and nervous all day and it made him uncomfortable in his own skin. That, added to the already ever-present soreness of his limbs only served to make him more miserable.

But he was the Captain, so he shoved those feelings down, ignored his headache, and tried to act as normal as possible. For the most part, his plan worked and no one bothered him about what might be wrong. Kenma was the only one that eyed him suspiciously every time his Extrovert facade slipped a little. At the end of the regular practice, his best friend approached him slowly.

“Hey,” he said, his voice quiet as usual.

“Kenma! What’s up, dude?” Kuroo forced, trying to maintain his usual Extrovert Mode.

“Cut the crap, Kuro,” Kenma sighed, blunt and exhausted as usual.

“Kenma, what are you—“

“Are you sick?”

The question caught Kuroo off guard. Was he sick? He thought it was just an Introvert Day that he had to push through. Maybe Kenma had a point though? It wasn’t like he normally felt this drained during a training camp. That usually came after the camp ended.

“No,” he eventually replied and waved his hand, “nah. Just tired. I think practicing with the guys at night took more of my energy than usual.” That must be it. He didn’t usually have to put out that much energy after practice. Lev, Hinata, and Bokuto were all True Extroverts, after all. Unlike Kuroo, who just molded himself into one. It made sense.

Kenma studied him with wide eyes before relenting and saying “Don’t push yourself, Kuro.”

“I won’t, don’t worry. I am a little tired though so maybe I’ll forgo evening prac—“

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata ran up to them, “are we practicing again today?? I want you to show me that cool wha-BAM block again!!” He jumped up and slammed his hands down, most likely trying to imitate exactly what he was trying to convey. All the loud explanation did was call attention back to his headache.

“Shoyo, Kuro was actually just saying that he was—“

“On my way to look for you Chib-chan!” Kuroo interrupted. Kenma narrowed his eyes at him, but Kuroo couldn’t deny the little red headed twerp.

“Let’s go grab something to eat and then we’ll round up the others.”

Hinata looked at him with those stupid starry eyes and nodded before running off to pester Tsukishima. Kuroo deflated some.

“Kuro. It’s okay to take breaks. I know you think that this is what you should be doing as Captain, but it’s alright to say no sometimes,” Kenma said.

“I know, Kenma,” Kuroo smiled gently, ignoring the uneasy feeling in his gut, “Thank you for looking out, but I’m fine! It’s only one more day. Tomorrow afternoon once everyone’s gone, I’ll just hang out in my room. You can come over if you want and play that new game I bought.”

Kenma studied him again before letting out a long-suffering exhale.

“Sure. Sounds good.”

After they ate, the six of them met up in Gym Three for another three on three. On the outside, things were going well. On the inside, Kuroo’s head was quickly descending into chaos.

He pretended that Bokuto, Lev and Hinata weren’t too loud. He pretended that he had enough energy to show them the same move seven times. He pretended he was enjoying this.

All the while, his headache slowly transitioned into a migraine, his limbs got heavier, and his dinner swirled in his stomach nauseatingly. It took maximum effort to stay awake, let alone play a three on three with three of the most energetic people he’d ever met before.

It all came to a head when his feet slammed down after blocking one of Bokuto’s cross shots. The power behind those normally made him stumble upon landing, but this time it sent a sharp pain shooting through his head and stars dance in his vision. He couldn’t regain his footing, and he stumbled onto his ass.

“Kuroo-san?” Akaashi asked when he didn’t get back up. He couldn’t get back up. The stars were still there and he couldn’t really find his feet.

“Y-yeah?” he stuttered.

“Hey, hey, hey, Kuroo, you alright my man?” Bokuto’s voice boomed and he winced before he could stop himself.

“Kuroo-san? What’s wrong?” Akaashi was kneeling beside him now. He could tell by the proximity of his voice.

“Just a a little...dizzy,” he forced a laugh, trying to play it off. He squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand up to squeeze at his temples. What the hell was happening?

“Kuroo-san! Do you want some water?” Hinata’s voice rang and clanged in his head. He groaned.

“Kuroo-san, don’t die!!” Lev’s voice pounded. He grimaced.

“Would you idiots keep it down?” Tsukishima, beautiful, quiet Tsukishima commanded.

“Hey, Stupid we’re just trying to help!” Hinata screeched.

“And clearly he’s got a headache, you massive dolt. Keep your volume down,” Tsukki snapped back. Kuroo would thank him if the room would stop spinning.

Suddenly, a hand was on his forehead.

“You’ve got a fever,” Akaashi stated.

Oh. Well, Kenma was right after all. He was sick. The confirmation snapped something into place and all of his emotions, his control, whooshed out of him in one fell swoop. All the symptoms he ignored all day came to the very front of his mind and all he could think about was how miserable he felt.

“Oh,” he choked around the abrupt knot in his throat. He blinked his eyes open and turned to look at Akaashi. The setter was serious as ever, but there was a small frown on his lips and tiny furrow to his brows.

“Bokuto-san, can you bring me your warm up jacket?”

Bokuto nodded and quickly, but thankfully quietly, brought their jackets over and Akaashi draped it around Kuroo’s shoulders.

“Kuroo-san, do you want to lie down?” he soothed.

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he muttered. There was a burning in his eyes and a quiver to his lips that he really wished would go away.

“I know. We’ll get you to your room, but first, I need you to get yourself together some.”

“I don’t...I don’t feel good,” he said, an all too evident shake in his voice. This is not what Leaders do. But he felt so terrible, there was nothing he could do to prevent this sudden onslaught of emotions. Before he knew it, warm tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata screeched. Tsukishima smacked him upside the head. He glared and rubbed the back of his head.

“Kuroo-san,” he tried again, quieter this time, “don’t cry, please. It’s okay!”

Kuroo couldn’t help it. He appreciated Hinata’s attempts at comfort, but he was so drained and he was so sick and he couldn’t help it.

“Kuroo, what can we do to help, man?” Bokuto asked gently, much to his and Akaashi’s (flustered and very evident) surprise. He sat down by Kuroo and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his back. It helped for a second, but then it just made his skin crawl and his stomach turn.

“I I don’t...I don’t know,” he whimpered pitifully, “I don’t feel good.” He exhaled and dropped his chin to his chest. The downward spiral of both his physical and mental condition brought him further and further into his own self-incurred misery. He needed someone else to be the leader. Anyone.

“Ahhhh, Kuroo-san.” Hinata flailed.

“What about Kenma?” Lev whisper-yelled. Hinata’s spine straightened sharply.

“Good idea, Lev! I know where he is. I’ll go get him!” Hinata proclaimed and ran out.

“Kuroo, what doesn’t feel good?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo inhaled shakily.

“Head.. my head hurts. And I’m sore and uh and my st-stomach,” he responded through panting breaths.

“There’s a stomach bug that just hit a couple of the player’s on Shinzen’s team,” Tsukishima supplied helpfully.

“Sounds like you might’ve picked that up, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi clicked his tongue.

This was news to him. It must’ve just happened because usually the captains kept each other up to date on those kinds of things as soon as they could. If that was true, that would explain why it came on so quickly. He was fine yesterday. Even just a few hours ago, he was nothing but a little groggy. Now it felt like he got hit by a bus.

If it was a stomach bug, that meant….

“No, no,” he panicked, “no I don’t want that.” He wrapped his hands around his swirling stomach.

“Kuroo, calm down. It’s alright. You’re gonna make it worse,” Bokuto said. Kuroo shook his aching head.

“No I hate throwing up, Bo,” he whimpered and dropped his head to look at his shaking hands.

“Oh…” Akaashi breathed, “do you feel like you might?”

“I don’t know,” he said again. Because he didn’t want to. He absolutely did not want to puke. Not in front of these first years. That might ruin all of his credibility as an upperclassmen, let alone the Captain of a powerhouse school.

Geez, what a pitiful and pathetic display he was putting on. He was supposed to be someone these kids looked up to, and now they were helping him.

“Here,” Tsukishima said, handing Akaashi and Bokuto a bucket from the supply room. Kuroo eyed it distastefully.

“It’s just in case, Kuroo-san!” Lev tried. But the more Kuroo got worked up in spite of himself, the more he realized that wasn’t true. His current emotional state wreaked havoc on his head, which in turn twisted his gut.

Several minutes passed and Kuroo took the time to collect himself so that he could get it together enough to go to his room. At least there he could be miserable and pathetic alone.

While he was able to get himself to stop crying, the come down from the sudden rush of emotions only made his other symptoms that much more prevalent.

Kuroo groaned miserably, “where’s Kenma?”

“Hinata-kun has gone to get him. He’ll be back soon hopefully.”

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he whined and curled tighter in on himself.

“I know,” Akaashi said.

“Feels… bad…” he swallowed thickly.

“Kuroo…” Tsukishima warned. He shook his head.

“‘M sorry,” he mumbled. Something heaved in his stomach and he pulled his shoulders up to his ears and brought the back of his hand to his mouth.

“Y’guys should go,” he said around the pool of saliva in his mouth and the heaviness of his jaw. Who he was talking to at this point, he wasn’t sure. He just knew that being around him right now was only asking to catch this. He also knew he was about to puke and he really wanted to try and maintain some of his dignity.

“Too late for that, numbskull. We’ve been around you for days. If we’re gonna catch it, we’re gonna catch it. Might as well make sure you don’t die,” Tsukishima said. Kuroo, behind his mounting nausea and hazy brain, was touched by his salty kouhai’s attempt at comfort.

“I think he meant he doesn’t want you to see him spew, Tsukkidude,” Bokuto murmured. His hand was still on Kuroo’s back and while it was more comforting than bothersome now, it also served to swirl things around in his stomach and brain. He nodded lethargically.

“Kuroo-san, if you could, uh— please, just, um...wait...for Kenma-san, I think it would make you feel, uh, better. To have him here, that is. Instead of...uh...me,” Akaashi stammered. Kuroo heard the nervousness in his voice and felt bad. There wasn’t much he could do to stave off the inevitable though.

“You squeamish, ‘Kaashi?” Bokuto asked.

“Uhhhh,” Akaashi hesitated, high pitched, “maybe a little.”

“Bo,” Kuroo panted, punctuated by a sick hiccup.

“I gotcha, buddy. Bucket’s right here,” Bokuto reassured and placed the bucket in his lap. “You can leave guys, I got this.” He said to the other three.

“Yeah...I’m gonna take you up on that,” Lev said uneasily. “Sorry Kuroo-san.” He bowed and then sprinted out of the gym. Tsukishima looked more hesitant, but ultimately bowed and left as well.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto said right as Kuroo spit into the bucket. The sounds of their conversation faded in and out with the rest of Kuroo’s surroundings. All he could fully register was the lump of something nasty moving up his chest. All he could see was the blinding red color of the bucket.

A few airy burps that grated his throat passed through his parted lips. He whimpered.

“It’s alright, Kuroo,” Bokuto’s voice filtered through the haze. He gagged.

It hurt. It hurt so badly. Each heave, gag and hiccup that plagued him for the next several moments.

Where was Kenma?

Kuroo coughed, hiccupped, and a small stream of vomit trailed out of his mouth. It wasn’t enough. It still hurt. He wheezed.

“Hey, Kuroo-san, try to take deep breaths,” Akaashi’s shaky voice commanded.

“Can’t,” he gasped, coughing up more bile.

Fuck he wanted this to be over.

Cough, gasp, puke. The painful, horrific cycle repeated for several tense minutes. It didn’t relieve any of his discomfort.

Bokuto patted his back and tried to offer comforting words. Akaashi wouldn’t look at Kuroo, but he was there, another steady presence to offer some grounding to Kuroo.

“Kuroo- san! I found Kenma!” Hinata’s voice cut through his misery. “He was in the shower. I’m sorry it took so long!”

“Kuro,” Kenma said, voice calm, blunt, comforting. He took Akaashi’s place at his side, his Snorlax slippers and ratty sweatpants taking up Kuroo’s peripheral.

“I don’ feel good,” Kuroo told him around the bile coating his mouth. Kenma put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“I gathered that,” he said with amusement, “it’s okay. Just relax.”

Kuroo shook his head. Relaxing meant letting this happen. He did not want it to happen.

“Tetsu, don’t be an ass,” Kenma sighed, exasperated.

“Kenma,” he whimpered. The hand on his shoulder squeezed again.

“How long has he been like this?” Kenma directed at someone else in the room.

“About 15 minutes,” Akaashi’s shaky voice answered.

“Shit, Tetsuro, why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Kenma asked. Kuroo shook his head slowly.

“Didn’ re’lize,” he slurred. His stomach cramped and his inhaled sharply through his teeth and gripped tightly at his shirt. As soon as the cramp passed, he gagged, his body jolting forward.

“Uh, I’m gonna—I’m gonna go,” Hinata stuttered out and then Kuroo heard his tiny feet run from the gym.

“Can you two go get Nobuyuki and Yaku from the Nekoma quarters? I’m sure Lev is looking for them, but he’s an idiot,” Kenma demanded of Akaashi and Bokuto, the inflection behind his voice commanding and unwavering. It comforted Kuroo in ways he didn’t understand.

Despite how it appeared to onlookers, Kenma was alway the one taking care of Kuroo. More than Kuroo took care of him, anyway. The setter always knew exactly what Kuroo needed before he even said anything. He was passive most of the time, content to let things be, but stubborn and steadfast when he needed to be. Which was something that Kuroo was grateful for, too prone to letting his emotions take over. Kenma was a sturdy support for Kuroo when he was at his weakest.

“They’re gone, Testsu. Relax and let it happen. It’s just you and me,” Kenma told him. He put his forehead on the top of Kuroo’s matted, sweaty hair. The parts of Kenma’s hair that touched Kuroo were wet and cold. It felt nice.

The uncharacteristic gentle action from Kenma made something in Kuroo’s chest twinge and he whimpered, fresh tears dropping into the bucket.

Kuroo could be himself with Kenma. He didn’t need to be the Captain or a Leader or an Extrovert or even an Introverted Extrovert. He could just be Kuroo.

“Just us, Tetsu,” Kenma said and pulled his head back.

Kuroo inhaled slowly, deeply and exhaled, trying to relax his shoulders and back. It didn’t take much more for his stomach to finally find relief.

A gurgling hiccup brought up a small stream of bile and he coughed. Another hiccup brought a little more. Then finally, he belched, wet and heady, and heaved, a much stronger torrent of disgusting vomit moving up his chest and out of his mouth.

“There ya go,” Kenma sighed. He moved Kuroo’s unruly hair, made more disgusting by the sheen of sweat covering his forehead, back and away from his face. Kuroo lurched forward with a gag, bringing up more of his dinner.

“Holy shit, Kuro, that’s some fever. I’m sorry you’ve felt so bad all day,” Kenma whispered. Kuroo shook his head, spitting out the nasty taste in his mouth, trying to find his breath before the next round.

He didn’t get much of a chance before he heaved again.

“God,” he slurred between wretches.

“It’s alright. Calm down,” Kenma instructed.

He puked twice more before his stomach settled for the time being.

“Kenma...please…” he whispered, gesturing for him to move the bucket away.

“Here,” Kenma handed him a water, “drink this first. Rinse out your mouth.” Kuroo did as he was told and spit into the bucket. Kenma took it away after that and Kuroo thanked him quietly. He inhaled, bringing his head up and looking at Kenma for the first time since the setter got there.

Kenma’s eyebrows were furrowed ever so slightly, a subtle pout on his lips. He brushed Kuroo’s bangs back again.

“Thanks, Kenma,” he smiled weakly. Kenma clicked his tongue.

“You’re an idiot,” he sighed. It lacked any of its usual blunt edge.

“Kuroo!!” Kai called out, running into the gym. They were both wearing medical masks, a couple more in their hands.

“Hey,” he said sheepishly, a hand on the back of his neck.

“I knew something was wrong. You really are such a dumbass,” Yaku said, a hand on his hip and an eyebrow raised. He was as blunt as usual.

“Thanks, Yaku. You’re as gentle as ever.”

“Yeah, well. Can’t help it when you decide to push yourself to this point,” he said, turning his face away. “Idiot,” he added as an afterthought. Kuroo couldn’t see his cheeks behind his mask, but his ears were red.

“You alright Kenma? Here,” Kai asked and handed Kenma a mask. Kenma shook his head.

“Too late for that,” he sighed.

“Yeah, but several of Shinzen and Fukurodani’s players have gone down with the same thing as our fearless leader here. We’re trying to contain it so it doesn’t spread more,” Kai explained.

“Yeah. Exactly. You wear one too, Kuroo,” Yaku insisted. Kuroo didn’t like the idea of having his mouth covered, but he also didn’t like the idea of spreading this wretched fate to others.

Kenma and Kuroo took the masks and then Yaku pulled some meds out of the bag on his shoulder and handed them to him. Kuroo’s lip curled, but Kenma pinched his elbow and he relented. They hit his stomach with a hollow thud.

Kai held a hand out to help Kuroo up. As soon as he stood, his knees buckled and black spots danced in his vision. Kai quickly caught him around his waist and threw Kuroo’s arm around his shoulder.

“Try not to pass out until we get back to the quarantine room. It’d make things difficult,” Yaku said. Kuroo would’ve rolled his eyes if he had the energy.

Together, they made it back to the classrooms (repurposed as sleeping quarters for the camp). There was a room for people who already puked and one for anyone experiencing symptoms. Kuroo was shocked to find Akaashi there, leaning over a trash can, Bokuto rubbing his back, as well as several Shinzen players, a couple Ubugawa players, and the setter from Karasuno.

Hinata was there as well, sitting beside Kageyama with his arms crossed and a disgruntled look on his face.

Yaku set up a new futon for Kuroo and Kai helped him settle into it. He immediately curled up on his side, exhaling in relief.

They asked if he needed anything, promised to bring him a change of clothes, and left. Kenma saw them out but then came back and plopped himself down beside Kuroo.

“You can go, Kenma,” he said, looking up at him with one eye open. Kenma shrugged.

“I wouldn’t leave you,” he said plainly. Like it wasn’t embarrassing at all. Kuroo smiled to himself.

“What’s with Chibi-Chan?” He asked in lieu of a response. Kenma snickered.

“His team sent him here when Kageyama came down with the bug. Apparently their “secret relationship” isn’t so secret.”

Kuroo chuckled. That was probably why Akaashi and Bokuto were both here as well.

“You know,” Kenma said.

“Hmm,” Kuroo replied sleepily.

“No one thinks you’re less of a Leader just because you’re sick. It happens to everyone. Doesn’t mean you’re not still someone other people look up to,” Kenma said quietly, matter-of-fact.

“Mmm.. you’re right,” he muttered back. He was. Kuroo knew that. He appreciated the reminder though.

“Go to sleep, Tetsu,” Kenma said and stretched his legs out beside Kuroo. He ran his fingers through Kuroo’s hair. Sleep called to him and his eyes slowly closed.

He woke up several times before the next morning, because of other people puking, because he needed to puke and once when Kenma puked, swearing Kuroo out for getting him sick.

He apologized profusely and pulled Kenma’s hair back with the hair tie he kept on his wrist.

Kuroo was a Leader. Someone other people liked and looked up to.

Sometimes Leaders needed someone to lean on too, he supposed. Thank goodness he had Kenma.

#haikyuu sickfic #my fics #sick kuroo #caretaker kenma #caretaker Akaashi #caretaker Bokuto #caretaker Tsukishima #caretaker Hinata #caretaker Lev #kinda sorta #they tried okay?#tw vomit #haikyuu #kuroo tetsurō #kenma kozume #emeto warning #emeto #fever

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merryfortune · 3 years ago

Text

You give me flowers of love

Written for 100ships Challenge on Dreamwidth

Prompt #39 - Pink

Ship: Nodoka/Hinata

Fandom: Healin’ Good PreCure

Word Count: 3,757

Rating: M

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

AN: title comes from Bloodflowers by The Cure and is recommended listening for this fic.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Hanahaki, Horror, Gore, Emetophobia/Emetophilia, Angst and Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Past/Referenced Eriko/Hinata, Minor Blood

Hinata was not the type of girl who could handle horror stories, urban legends, or anything spookier than a rom-com set against the background of a popular coffee shop. However, there was something about this creepypasta that caught her attention. Maybe she read it to prove that she wasn’t a scaredy-cat or maybe she read it because something about it was almost too real.

It came across her Curestagram feed, screenshots reposted from another site with long form text functions rather than the optimized for photos aesthetic of Curestagram. It wasn’t late at night, quite the opposite, Hinata had just been scrolling as she was half nibbling on a banana muffin for morning tea. So she was kind of bored and not already unsettled by a vague anxiety sort of mindset so she stopped her scroll to read this totally true story from a friend of a friend that had happened upon her timeline.

The story involved a sickness. A lovesickness, hooking Hinata immediately since she was a hopeless romantic and leaving her vulnerable to what was hiding down below a few paragraphs after and Hinata realised she was reading a surreal medical horror story.

Supposedly, some girl from a high school in the next town over had been hospitalized due to damage to her stomach and esophagus but ultimately culminated in her passing away from brain damage due to suffocation. The suffocation that was the outcome of the damage she had taken to her stomach and esophagus had, supposedly, been caused by the growing of flowers inside of her. Doctors couldn’t explain it. They were baffled by the impossibility of it. Yet where they failed to posit theories at all, their patient had her own she desperately desired to reveal.

The nameless girl, as weak as she was in her final moments of speech and cognition, was certain with the most crystal clear clarity that she could muster said that reason for the flowers growing inside of her was due to a crush that she had been fostering for quite some time. A crush that was so powerful and deep that it had manifested as literal and impossible distress in the form of tiger lily flowers. Though her claims were dismissed as nonsense, despite the very given evidence that she had been vomiting exotic flowers, except by the narrator who was sharing her story online on her behalf.

Hinata got to the bottom line of the final screenshot and she dropped her phone on the table. She shivered and flinched as her phone clattered. Nyatoran looked up, alarmed, from the milk that he had been sipping.

“Heh? Are you okay Hinata?” he asked.

“Y-Yeah, I just lost my grip.” Hinata replied. It wasn’t a lie.

“Really? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Nyatoran pointed out.

Hinata made an expression that was both guilty and embarrassed, “Er, sort of… I read a ghost story online and I haven’t the stomach for them.”

“Oh, well, no worries then. I’ll keep ya safe from all the ghoulies then.” Nyatoran boasted.

Hinata laughed, “Thanks, Nyatoran.” she replied.

And that was more or less enough to keep her mind off what she had read for the rest of the day as she did her Sunday homework and such. At least until well after lights out.

Hinata cursed herself. She knew endless walls of text in screenshots never bore good news but it was under her skin now. It wasn’t even that scary, she tried to convince herself. It just so happened to play off something she had been thinking about in ways that cut deep and yes, even scary.

Hinata had a crush of her own. One she didn’t think she ought to act on. Or didn’t know how to act on.

Hinata had a crush on Nodoka. She was sweet and gentle yet so motivated. Hinata felt like she learned something new about either herself or Nodoka after every time they hung out. Things never felt old between them despite how natural their companionship was between them.

Catching feelings for Nodoka was inevitable, Hinata felt regarding their dynamic as close friends and their friendship was relatively intense due to their bond as comrades being Pretty Cures but that made Hinata sick to her stomach with fear. This wasn’t her first crush that she had on another girl.

In the not so recent past, Hinata had been wrong reading other girls’ opinions and feelings regarding her before. She and Eriko had been so close, childhood friends with a pact that seemed fit to stand the test of time when they had made it, and Hinata didn’t think it was a coincidence that already scarce contact between them after Eriko moved was when Hinata had confessed her feelings to Eriko.

The rejection had been crushing and Hinata had never told a soul about it. The wound was older now but it still hurt so, as lovely as Nodoka was, Hinata didn’t want to gamble their friendship due to that prior rejection. Yet her feelings crackled like electricity near a lightning rod whenever she was around Nodoka anyway. She could only hope that Nodoka was oblivious since she was so inexperienced socially due to her childhood spent mostly in the hospital.

(And that Chiyu never brought up the blatantly obvious which she would hopefully never do since she knew there was a place and a time and it wasn’t her place).

Thus, for all these different and entangling reasons, that horror story Hinata had read this morning really resonated. The thought of her unrequited feelings becoming literal, even in the form of pretty and seemingly harmless flowers, and suffocating. It was a very real fear to Hinata despite that fantastical execution that it was captured inside.

All because she was a magical girl infused with the power of light and thunder. She fought villains who caused infections in nature and created monsters. To her, it didn’t seem too far outside of her sphere of tried and true reality that such a floral disease of the body could exist. Heck, maybe it did exist and was tied to the war that she and her friends were fighting in secret on behalf of the Healing Animals. It was entirely possible this flower vomit disease was another agent or power of the Byougens.

Hinata groaned and the more she scolded herself for thinking about these horrible possibilities, the more she thought about them. She tossed and turned all night, in the dark and under the covers of her doona. She knew Nyatoran would live up to his boasting over morning tea if she asked but he was totally conked out in his little room. Hinata couldn’t bring herself to wake him, to unnecessarily burden him, so she just hid from her fears as best as she could in her blankets.

The following morning, Hinata was a wreck. She had bags under her eyes and was generally a drag. She hasn’t slept a wink last night but just like she was hiding from the horror story in her head, she decided to hide from the aftermath too. She touched up her eyes with concealer and finished off her make-up with a nice little kiss of lip balm, too. She chose a nice tropical flavour: pineapple with vanilla undertones and wore nude in practice. With that, she was ready for what was no doubt going to be a long, long day of school.

A prediction that she was very right in having. Just making it to lunch felt like an eternity and a half on low energy. Worst still, despite the precautions that Hinata had taken, both Chiyu and Nodoka had noticed that she wasn’t exactly her bouncy self today. Even with her favourite lunch box in her lap with fried chicken and a fruit drink, too.

“Are you okay, Hinata?” Nodoka asked and she batted her long eyelashes in concern.

Hinata knew she couldn’t lie or deflect around Nodoka, at least for the most part, and deflated, “No…” she moaned. “I slept awfully last night.”

“I expect that it wasn’t due to over studying?” Chiyu asked, sniping.

“No, I just. Couldn’t sleep.” Hinata shrugged.

“Well, be sure to put yourself early to bed tonight then. There’s nothing worse than being tired.” Nodoka said.

“Will do.” Hinata sighed.

“Also?” Nodoka prompted her.

“Yeah?” Hinata glanced at Nodoka was she tried a spoonful of rice from her side dishes.

“Your lip balm has a very strong smell today, I can smell it from here.” Nodoka laughed.

“Oh, joy…” Hinata hung her head in misery. She didn’t think it was so pungent in the tube.

“I didn’t mean that in a mean way.” Nodoka panicked whilst Chiyu had a discrete giggle at Hinata’s misfortune. “I really like it. I think it smells nice. Like cherries. I love the smell of cherries best.”

“Huh?” Hinata mumbled and she stared straight at Nodoka in confusion.

Nodoka stared back. Also in confusion. “Is something the matter?”

“Er, no,” Hinata awkwardly began and she forced herself to laugh and she flapped a hand about too to disguise her weirdness, “I must have been so tired this morning that I though I used one lip balm and instead used another.”

“That is a little odd…” Chiyu murmured.

But Nodoka seemed to buy it, she gasped, “Fwow, you must have been really tired this morning to make such a mistake. Promise me to get a good night’s rest tonight then.” Nodoka fussed for her.

“I promise, I promise.” Hinata replied.

Just as Hinata spoke, the end of lunch bell rang. She moaned with the utmost misery as she hadn’t finished her lunch even slightly and roused much sympathy from both Nodoka and Chiyu. So, Hinata crammed what she could into her mouth and swallowed before returning with her friends indoors to their classroom.

She plopped down in her chair and desk, her stomach growling almost immediately. Were it not for the teacher at the front of the classroom, Hinata would have flopped down and keeled over right there and then. She would have killed for a nap. Not even a luxurious nanna nap at this point, she would take a horrid power nap. Anything would have been better than nothing. Instead, the best she could muster was some daydreaming whilst scribbling in her work book so she could at least pretend to be paying attention.

Her mind strayed to Nodoka. She couldn’t help it. A silly little pining schoolgirl was exactly what she was after all. She doodled Nodoka’s name in her margins, surrounded with love-hearts, paw prints, and even flowers. It was a little bit childish but Hinata was a lot childish so she didn’t mind, she was more or less on cloud nine since Nodoka had shown her care for her over lunch, fussing for her like that.

It was such a small act but it was more than enough to launch Hinata’s heart in a million miles an hour race. So much so, she began to taste something at the back of her throat. It was a sweet taste accompanied by a fizzy sensation. Hinata liked it and it seemed to get stronger the more she daydreamed about Nodoka. Even though it was the middle of class, Hinata was letting her mind completely run away from the contents of what the teacher was attempting to educate on them.

Finally, after what felt like a day of self torment because of reading some stupid horror story about puking flowers, Hinata felt free of that gnawing anxiety. But just as she revelled in this, her stomach wretched. She dry gagged with the searing taste of bile at the back of her throat and her hand automatically clamped over her mouth, pen and all. The prior anxiety might have dissipated but a new one had spiked in its place.

Hinata frowned. Was it because she hadn’t eaten all her lunch that she suddenly felt nauseous? Or was it something else? She begged that it wasn’t her period, she was still quite irregular so this felt off or early to her.

Then she gagged again. She swallowed it back down. Hard. Whatever she swallowed was thick and sweet. It wasn’t vomit, Hinata had the startling realisation. She tried hard to keep it down but she failed. She vomited into her hand, or at least something similar. The motions were awful, worse than anything else she had ever had to eject from her body orally before.

Hinata felt sick to the very bottom of her stomach. Her hands shook as she slowly removed the one over her mouth and… and she couldn’t believe her eyes. They widened in shock as she saw the head of a flower in the palm of her hand. It was a cherry blossom, she realised. The pale pink petals were frayed at the edges, burnt by stomach acid and wet with her saliva; the anthers of its centre drooped and dragged, splayed across the petals. Her skin crawled as she marveled at the insane gravity of the situation. She quickly paled.

And the teacher noticed, “Hiramitsu, are you okay?” he asked from in front of the chalkboard, looking up concerned from the book he was reciting from.

“I-I, um, I need to go. To the nurse.” Hinata eked out her words with strained difficulty.

Her stomach flipped and she could feel another one coming up. It slithered up her throat and she hated the slow, dreadful sensation of it, the way it made her mouth taste of bile and cherries in horrible combination. Hinata bolted to her feet, afraid, alarming the whole class. She hid her mouth behind her hand again, holding tight that first flower that she had vomited.

“I need to go.” Hinata mumbled and she fled.

The feeling of her classmates' eyes on her felt like broken glass digging. She knew, deep down, they didn’t mean harm but their gazes only served to amplify the terror she felt as she fled. She was fast at first, escaping from the classroom but her stomach lurched and she vomited another flower and then again but two at once this time.

Hinata stopped in the hallway, she had to rest her shoulder against the wall just to stand as she looked down into the palm of her hand. The flowers were accumulating against her skin, wet and heavy, and accelerating in pace of production. Already she felt another lurch and this one was dire, Hinata didn’t think she would be so lucky to only vomit one or two this next time.

She had to get to the sick bay. She wasn’t sure what she would do there but anything had to be better than nothing, so she hobbled on in immense pain. By nothing less than a miracle, Hinata managed to get to the nurse’s suite without collapsing. Or with leaving too many flowers in her meagre wake.

The school nurse panicked almost immediately when she saw Hinata in this state. Hinata sputtered out a thank you whilst she was put to bed. Hinata curled up under the sheets, her stomach lurching and mangled petals dripped out of her mouth. She had to hide her ailment from the nurse. She just had to. She didn’t know how to explain it or anything else pertaining to it but fortunately, the nurse bought her some time by going to use administration’s phone to let her father know that Hinata was in immediate medical distress.

Hinata held her scrawny belly with one hand and her mouth the other. No matter how hard she tried, these flowers kept dredging up from inside of her and it was worsening. There was distention building inside of her, it was as if she could feel the bushels of cherry blossom flowers forming inside of her and something else too. It was raw and firm and poking up through her like a stick. Hinata moaned in utter agony as she tasted not just sweetness and bile in her mouth, but the cutting, metallic taste of blood too.

She whimpered as she tried to swallow it down. Attempting so, just made the nicks and cuts to her throat worsen and the petals to clog. Her lungs ached sharply as she struggled to breathe. Her eyes squeezed tight and she begged every deity she could think of for a saviour.

The door to the sick bay opened again. Hinata murmured to herself and the curtain was pulled aside, “Hinata?” a sweet voice greeted her.

“Huh?” Hinata slurred.

She rolled over, still holding herself but even a simple and slow motion like that was enough to rouse her illness violently. Her grimace was deep on her face as she tried to look at Nodoka, even feebly.

“A-Are you okay, Hinata?” she asked. “I couldn’t sit by and worry when I saw you ill you were, what’s wrong?”

Hinata opened her mouth. Mostly to reply, but that’s not what happened. She threw up in front of Nodoka and Nodoka couldn’t believe her eyes. Hinata was throwing up bushels upon bushels of flowers. Cherry blossoms. Nodoka blinked. She couldn’t believe the sights - or the smell. The smell was disconcerting with how almost pleasantly fragrant it was, heightening Nodoka’s realisation that this wasn’t Hinata pulling pranks.

“H-How on Earth did this happen…?” Nodoka asked.

She was horrified yet found herself unable to resist the impulse. She picked a blossom out of the pile that Hinata had vomited up. It was soft in her hand, even if it was grotesquely wet.

“I - I don’t-” Hinata tried to speak but she cut herself off when she felt something jut out of her mouth. An entire branch of cherry blossoms began to spike out of her mouth.

Her eyes began to roll back on themselves as Nodoka watched, in abject and frozen horror, as Hinata contended with this stick inside of her. It emerged slowly from the depths of her throat and made her chest convulse. Her fingers spasmed as she choked around it, flowers blooming along the thin and coarse branch.

“H-Help me.” Hinata sputtered out.

Nodoka nodded. She was scared, her heart was pounding, but she was first and foremost a helper of most empathetic ends. She had been on the receiving end of a strange and bizarre illness that had rendered most her childhood for naught. She couldn’t just let Hinata struggle. Suffocate.

So, she got onto the bed with Hinata. She straddled her so she could best approach the foreign object inside of Hinata. She focused her eyes and was as ready as she could ever be for an amateur operation quite like this one. Nodoka reached out and pinched the end of the branch delicately. It was entirely unsafe, Nodoka knew that, but she began to pull. She peered into Hinata’s pink mouth was clogged with twigs and petals, and tried her best to dislodge what she could.

Hinata gagged. Tears in her eyes and she plead, silently and afraid, that Nodoka could handle this. Nodoka’s hands shook but she did, in fact, manage. She tried her hardest and she did succeed even if it felt pyrrhic as Hinata screamed out as the last, and thickest, part of the cherry blossom branch was removed.

Nodoka flinched hearing the scream, dropping the cherry blossom branch between them. Hinata spat out blood and petals but the cherry blossom branch had been removed. She caressed her neck and it was raw with what it had been through. Her touches did little to soothe or quell her pain, she looked up at Nodoka with pathetic, red rimmed eyes.

“What was that?” Nodoka asked, her heart quaking. “How could any of this be possibly real?”

“I - I don’t know.” Hinata mumbled but that was a lie. She choked on her words all the same as she had choked on those cherry blossoms. Her hands squeezed tight. “No. I’m sorry. I do know.”

“Pardon?” Nodoka quietly exclaimed.

“There’s a very rare disease,” Hinata began, hasty, “that causes flowers to grow inside of someone suffering with a crush that they just can’t handle.”

“That’s horrible…” Nodoka murmured.

It was now or never, Hinata realised. Or she was going to end up exactly like the girl from the story that she had read yesterday. She knew it. She just knew it.

“Nodoka, it’s you.” Hinata confessed, half a sob in her voice. “I’m crushing on you.”

Nodoka was stunned by Hinata’s admission.

Hinata panted, her face was going bright red whilst her heart pounded like a hammer at her rib cage. She couldn’t believe it. She had done it. But it felt like a weight off, she had to admit, she didn’t realise her crush had been such a burden until right now. She felt herself lighten with the confession, from the very pit of her stomach, upwards and outwards.

Nodoka averted her gaze and Hinata was reminded once more why a crush was called a crush. That borderline feel good feeling from before popped. Burst. Nodoka played with her hair, fidgeting, and then managed to speak in a very calm and very quiet voice.

“I have a crush on you, too, Hinata.” Nodoka replied. “I admire so much how you sparkle and shine. It’s very refreshing to be around. I like you too. A lot.”

Nodoka reached out to Hinata’s hand and held it. She was so warm and she was still trembling but Nodoka’s caress of it did soothe her. Hinata hazarded a smile, like she couldn’t believe her ears, through her scarlet expression. Nodoka leaned in and kissed Hinata.

Hinata was unable to kiss back, afraid of her own breath but Nodoka didn’t mind. It was pungent with cherry blossoms and wet but she found the kiss sufficiently sweet, kissing Hinata’s soft, balmy lips. They were tinged with pineapple and vanilla beneath that overwhelming sensation of cherry blossoms.

“Thank you, Nodoka…” Hinata murmured and somehow, she didn’t know or understand how but she wasn’t going to complain, she was cured, prettily, of her affliction.

The cherry blossom flowers on the bed or in her gut, disappeared. All with seemingly little aplomb. Even the branch that had to have been removed from her throat, all with a soft, fizzling noise that Hinata could hardly hear over the sound of her pounding heart. She still had the cuts and scrapes, but she was no longer growing flowers inside of her stomach. Hinata was cured and Nodoka was her blessed, angelic cure.

#100ships challenge #femslash #nodohina #healin good precure #healin good #precure #nodoka hanadera #hanadera nodoka #cure grace #cure sparkle #hiramitsu hinata #hinata hiramitsu #writing tag #i really like this fic so i hope you guys enjoy

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ohheygriefsucks · 4 years ago

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Last Christmas

I should write here more often, but if I’m being completely honest, the more time that passes without my mom, the less it feels socially acceptable to hurt as much as I do. I know that’s not the case, but, still, I see people around me every day functioning so much more smoothly than I, having gone through the same thing as I’m still emotionally limping from. Also, with COVID-19, I’m well aware of all the loss being felt in the world, but especially my country right now, so I feel like theirs are the voices that need listening to. This whole year has been a confusing mix of PTSD, sadness, helplessness, fear, depression, anxiety, and time. Like God went nuts at Burger King and mixed all the fountain sodas together.

Anytime the virus, the vaccine, the anything is mentioned, it makes me think of my mom. The precautions we had to take with her weakened immune system instilled a lifelong respect for public health and taking care of others as well as myself. I’ve always dealt with germ-related OCD and emetophobia, so I’m used to being on high alert during cold and flu season. Adapting to avoid germs comes naturally (read: compulsively) to me, so seeing people struggle with the concept right now blows my mind and hurts my heart.

Christmas 2012 was the last Christmas I had with my mom, and it fucking sucked. I got to come home for a nice long visit from Chicago. I’d just gotten a job, but pushed my start date because I wanted to spend Christmas with my mom (having spent the last 5 fearing they’d be the last). My family used to have an annual Christmas Eve party that brought 40-60 friends/neighbors into our house every year. We’d spend the three days prior making ~60lbs of lasagna from scratch and cleaning the house to prepare it for guests. Every year, we would work right up until evening mass, and then resume immediately upon our return to be ready for guests to arrive around 7. People loved it. I hated it. For plenty of reasons, most of which I’m only now realizing were sensory-processing/anxiety related, having spent the previous 31 years thinking was just because I was a bad kid. It sucked because it was a chore. When we’re in school, the work would start the day Christmas break did. You didn’t get to breathe until that Christ child popped out. It felt like so much work for others to enjoy. At least we got new pajamas at the end of it.

That year, our family’s workforce was short staffed. My older sister was spending Christmas in Italy with her husband’s family, my dad was still working (very long hours) at the time, and my youngest sister was in college and wouldn’t make it down til the 23rd at the earliest. So it was mostly me and Mom, with the occasional help from Dad and Cristina. My mom was on oral chemo at that point, I believe, and it was just before she started using a cane for occasional mobility and oxygen as needed. But, she was still very much my mom, and would not come off as sick if you didn’t know it. But she was.

One night, Cristina woke up crying, and started getting sick. Throw-up sick. The worst kind. This lead to such a spiral. My mom ran to take care of her. I wanted to help, but I couldn’t get through my panic, and my dad slept because he had work. My mom. The woman with a wafer-thin immune system was sacrificing her potential health to care for her sick child. If my mom got the bug, she would have to be hospitalized. It wasn’t an “if”, it was a “come in the second you get sick so we make sure it doesn’t kill you” order. If my mom was hospitalized, Christmas Eve would be canceled. For the first time ever in my 24 years of life. The next day, my dad caught it (a milder, but more complainy bout) . At that point I was likely alternating between Xanax, saltines, pacing, and crying. It really was just down to me and my mom- fearing the moment one of us became the next. While Dad and Cristina recovered, Mom and I prepped. With each task it was understood that we could and would cancel at a moment’s notice. But we didn’t. We pulled it off. We had the damn party and people had a blast. My mom and I evaded the bug by the grace of God.

The Perfect Christmas.

But it wasn’t. As the most annoying of the neighbors finally trickled out around 11pm, I crashed. I went into my room and started crying in bed. I had come home because I wanted to spend time with my mom because I knew she didn’t have much left, and instead I spent it in visceral fear of illness and under immense stress for the enjoyment of others. I realized I had never just had a Christmas Eve to celebrate with my family alone. Ever. Like normal families do. To be the guest, not the host. I felt like a selfish spoiled child, but I was just a scared one.

My mom came to find me in my room after a few minutes to see what was up. I wanted to tell her what was wrong without bringing up her imminent death, but there wasn’t a way around it. It was about it, but it wasn’t. So, I let it all out. I told her I hated that I had to spend time entertaining others instead of spending time celebrating with her. I wept. I told her how exhausted I was with it all. How fucked up and unfair it all seemed. She rubbed my back. She listened. She comforted. She promised me we wouldn’t have to do it the next year.

And we didn’t.

Because she was gone four months later.

#grief #greiving #loss #deadmomsclub #breastcancer #MotherlessDaughters

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berri-hopefulspouse · 4 years ago

Text

-- A Look Into The Past --

[ Reuploaded for your convenience~ Because tumblr is an ass~ ]

Fandom & Characters: Danganronpa, Ren (DR s/i, Ultimate Empath), [Mentioned/Minor roles] Celestia Ludenberg, Chihiro Fujisaki, Junko Enoshima, Sayaka Maizono, Makoto Naegi, Aoi Asahina, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Yasuhiro Hagakure, various Future Foundation technicians and scientists

TW: Self-Harm & Suicide Mentions/Implications, violence/gore warning, emetophobia, Laboratory/Science stuff, Panic attacks, Runaway, Dissociation, Dysphoria implication, Neglect, Bullying mention, General assholery, Hella angst, Mention of bondage & restraints (mostly as jokes), Deadname drop, general PTSD stuff, Hallucinations, Alcohol mention, Homo & transphobia, NB-Phobia, Manipulation, Gaslighting

AN: Another reuploaded story from my previous account! This one was definitely the most uh. Chaotic in terms of trigger warnings, as you can see. All of these are events following THH, and not long before the events that predate DR2 occur. So keep that in mind. ALSO! At the time this is posted (10/3/2020) - this is the story that precedes the current F/O event going on, hinted at here.

Summary: After the events at Hopes Peak High, each member of the class- over time- are put into a procedure to regain the memories lost over the 2 years. It’s Ren’s turn, and being the last one for various personal reasons- they are nervous. Is it worth it to retrieve memories of the past? Or would they have been better off not knowing at all?…

Fidget. Fidget and broil in thought. Fidget and listen. Listen.

“You understand the conditions in which you'll go under, Mx?” An older man asked them, “The process will take but a few hours, with one of the devices we have on hand.” They didn't know much of this man- save for one thing. He was one of the technical scientists who worked for Future Foundation- something somewhat new to the brunette.

The weeks following their escape from Hopes Peak...from Junko...it was a bit messy. Scooped up by this organization that apparently was the revolution for hope and trying to contain the disease that was despair. Taking days to breathe and recover from the events, only to have to explain themselves alongside their classmates. So, here they were now. One by one, they were all being asked the same thing; Do they want their memories recovered? Do they want to recall the two years lost to them due to Junko’s meddling?...

“Yes, I understand.” Soren mumbles, shyly, wringing their hands into their shirt, “I am ready to proceed.”

Whether they were ready for it or not, they knew they had to know. They had to know what they missed, how they were connected to everyone...what their past was like…

Believe it or not, even their childhood felt fuzzy to them. In a way, them and Kirigiri were connected in that sense. Theirs however was...different.

‘I’m the last one who’s going through this procedure…’ They recalled to themselves as they got up, following the scientist into the laboratory...they felt nervous- and part of them wished Makoto was with them to offer some reassurance.

‘He’s been running himself ragged lately with tasks and plans though, we’ve all been working hard...I let him rest when I got called up.’

They thought back to exactly why they were one of the last people to be brought to this laboratory. Intensive therapy, trying to recover from the events of the Killing School life...sure, it affected everyone quite differently, but for them it almost seemed to bring out the worst in them. Persistent nightmares, paranoia, fainting spells… It didn’t take long for them to be brought to counselling once the others found out- although it was mostly due to Makoto outting his concern for them.

‘They figured it was PTSD, naturally. I knew that, it’s basic psychology... But still…’ From what they explained… ‘It seems like it goes far beyond just Hopes Peak. It just seemed like that whole shitshow might’ve just been a breaking point.’

Sitting down in one of the chairs in the laboratory, they looked to the various technicians who were around. All typing away at computers, ready to begin the process.

“Like I said, this will take a few hours...and given your special circumstance, definitely a bit longer than most to recover. However, we’re also not certain if all your memories will be recovered.” He explained, securing both their legs and arms to the chair with small clasps. Easy enough to break out of given an emergency were to occur, but enough to restrain any potential flailing. They lightly tugged on the restraints, feeling very little give.

“You going to explain the bondage, or am I just gonna have to deduce that on my own accord?” They joked lightly, giving a shaky smile to the older man who shook his head with a sigh, ignoring the younger adult’s antics.

“They’re just in case. We don’t know what memories might surface, and given your previous history...we just want to make sure you don’t injure yourself in any way.”

Looking away, they felt the slight phantom burns along their wrist as they recalled exactly what they all meant. Sure, the scars on their wrist were...older than they recalled...Most of which were faded deep into their skin. All except one, from a more recent relapse episode.

‘Hence the need to keep me safe, I guess,’ They thought to themselves, ‘No one at Future Foundation really treats me like the rest of the class…’

And why would they? Ren was a special case, after all, being hung with a slew of various mental disorders… As the psychologist in charge of them put it; “They walk the line of both hope and despair. They try so desperately to cling to hope, but given their potential history, succumbing to despair might simply be an inevitability.”

That anxious thought caused them to shudder, not quite listening to the scientific rambling of the technician as they secured a device to their head. Deep breaths...one after another. The static in their ears receded, until they heard the technician speak again.

“Did you hear what I said, Soren?”

“Huh? Oh. Oh yeah!” They lied through their teeth, “Let’s just get this over with, yeah…”

The technician headed out of the room, reappearing behind the glass wall that was before them. Taking one last glance around the room, it was circular. It reminded them almost of the trial grounds- but more...high-tech. It was an observation room of sorts, however, shown by the glass and the scientists working away behind it.

‘This is either going to go well…...or really, really poorly.’ They thought to themselves as they took a slow breath.

There was a slight crackle, an intercom. Their heartbeat skipped for a second but they quickly regathered themselves.

‘It’s not him. You’re not there anymore.’ They reminded themselves as a voice came on.

“Okay, we’re going to begin the procedure. Are you ready?”

They tried giving a stiff nod, but finding their head was basically fixed in place, simply hummed.

“Ready.”

“Proceeding then, in Five...Four...Three…”

‘Deep breaths, in and out.’

“Two…”

‘Everythings going to be just fine.’

“One.”

A weird sensation started, right at their temples, only mere moments after the word left the technician’s mouth. Then, a low hum, that made Ren sit a bit straighter with a nervous anxiety and itch at their mind. The hum got louder, louder, louder still…

Until they completely blacked out, altogether.

–☆–

“Ḷ̵̨̜̹̣̖̮̮́ȁ̶̧̼͖̥̰̱̆̈́͂i̴̦̗̪̯̲̻͇̫͑̾̄̆l̸̘̗͕͎̩̈́̄̃͆a̷̡̯͑̑̃̔̈̂̓.̸͓̮̓͂͛̆̏͗̈.̷̗̲̞͙̼̗̈́͗͌̈́͜͠͝.̸̡̛̺̰͓̟̼̙̙̯̀̂̌̓̅͑͜͜?̶͔͍͛̾̊̑̓̇̌̈̅̈́̚͝͝”

A voice. Disconnected. Everything felt heavy, almost familiarly so. The name- it didn’t feel like their own, and it rang with such a chord of familiarity that it felt like a dagger straight through their throat. They suddenly felt so...so sick, but they couldn’t place why...

“Laila?” A bit louder this time, taking a slow breath in and out, they- no, she- looked up.

“Huh?��

She was seated at a desk- one that...she(-they, no wait uh)...she believed was their own. However, the face that greeted her...she couldn’t even figure out who it was.

“Jeez, I can’t believe you fell asleep in class again.” The person said, a cheeky grin on his features. Jet black hair and light brown eyes greeted (him...them, fuck-) her, and she tried putting a name to a face but...she can’t seem to quite remember, “C’mon, slowass, we’ve got practice.”

“Pra...practice?”

Drama practice.

The word clicked into her mind, and almost instantly she sat up further.

“Oh shit- That’s today?!”

“No duh, it’s Tuesday, remember?! Sheesh, you’re so forgetful. Cmon-!”

Before the person- Viktor, the name clicked in her brain almost like it was always there- could finish what she was saying, the brunette had gotten up and run out of the room, into a hallway.

‘Hercules Middle School…’ She thought to herself (Himself? Why was it so difficult?), as she ran down the hallway, ‘I always grew up here...jeez, I just wanna leave from this nightmare of a school already.’

She skidded a bit as they turned, running straight into a wall with a slight thud and a yelp of pain.

“Okay, ow.” She groaned a bit, blinking. He- She had ended up on the floor, head fuzzy slightly as she pulled themselves to their feet.

“Sheesh, dude, you’re so clumsy.” Viktor talked to her, chuckling as she pulled herself to her feet, only to get smacked upside the head, “Watch where you’re walking next time!”

“Eheh...s-sorry.” She stuttered a bit, almost shy.

“Don’t apologize for everything, man, it’s gonna look pathetic on ya,” Viktor assured, causing her to blush a bit and look away.

“R-right.”

She chuckled nervously, not meeting his expression- afraid to express his- her (their?) mild hurt at what he said.

“Lets get going, we’re running late.”

“Okay…”

With that said, Viktor quickly took a hold of her hand, and the two quickly raced off through the winding corridors of the school.

Even so, as they started to step into the gym, he felt a slight buzz in her pocket. Taking out her phone- dated as it was- they checked the message she received from their- His- her childhood best friend...Kayla.

[ (Kay) 2:43 PM: Hey...dude, U should see this shit. Are you with Vik rn? ]

[ (Lai) 2:44 PM: Yea, y? ]

[ (Kay) 2:44 PM: U need to see this. ]

[ [Kayla sent IMG32452 ] ]

Looking at the image, her heart froze. It was a series of texts between her and Viktor, with the former talking about how childish she was. How much of a crybaby she was over the littlest things, sensitive to every little poke at her. How much of a copycat she was. How it was just so easy to be friends with her, to use her...And her eyes teared up. Kayla looked to be at least trying to defend her...these weren’t even from 20 minutes ago…

“Laila? You coming, dude?” His-Her thoughts were interrupted by Viktor, as their head jerked up to look at him. He-- She didn’t know what she felt. Part of her wanted to hit him, part of him wanted to scream at him, part of them wanted to ask if they did something wrong...but...

“I...Uh...I don- I don’t feel good suddenly. T-Tell t-them I’ll be in...in a minute…” She mumbled out, feet slowly staggering back as an arm laced around their stomach. That wasn’t entirely a lie, either, they felt faint…they felt sick...she felt...hurt.

Before Viktor could see them cry...she turned and ran off, tears blurring his-(her-their--) her vision as the squeak of sneakers filling the hallways and their crowded mind.

The colors around them blurred, holding their head in their hands as they trembled in place. Suddenly, they were in the bathroom- though they sensed the day was different than it was mere moments ago. But that wasn’t what was taking up their thoughts. It was staring into the mirror- at the square glasses and overly pudgy baby-face they have. Staring at someone that wasn't her- that isn’t who they are!

‘Fuck, fuck, why do I hate myself so much?!’ (They- She- he-) She asked herself, struggling to breathe. Even being in the girls’ bathroom felt suffocating, but it was all she knew. Sure, she didn’t feel “dysphoria” like Viktor did...but she felt wrong. She felt WRONG. Her arms shook, nails digging into her skin as she hugged herself tightly. She wanted to shave all her hair off- she wanted to rip off her chest- she wanted- she wanted--

‘Agh! I can’t...I can’t breathe-!’ She forced herself to look away from the mirror, thinking about all the times she was addressed as a girl...all the times she felt wrong in an environment where she should feel comfortable. She always considered herself a tomboy- someone who definitely wasn’t on the feminine side of things...but it felt deeper. Her name made her want to puke- this long hair made her want to scream. The floofy, glittery, feminine clothing made her want to cry, scream, do anything. Something. But all she could do was struggle to breathe, struggle to consider what was happening to her.

That wasn’t even going into all the bullying. How she didn’t fit in with anyone in her class- even amongst her friends. She didn’t THINK she was transgender like Viktor was, but she knew something was...wrong with her. Something different. She couldn’t be a girl, either, she couldn’t be. All the torture she went through day to day- with her family, with her friends, with her classmates, with her-fucking-self. She was in a war she felt like she was losing.

‘...Wouldn’t it be great, if I died right here?’ A voice whispered in the back of their head, causing them to freeze up, ‘Taking the razors and digging them deep into your neck-’

“Laila?”

A voice from outside the bathroom quickly shut them out of their intrusive, suicidal thoughts. She recognized that voice- it was the school nurse. She took a deep breath, in and out- but words struggled to escape their throat, save for a soft squeak of a sob.

“Is everything okay?...”

‘...I can’t keep doing this to myself...I-I need to tell her...what’s going on…’ She at least was self-aware enough to know that much. She couldn’t put herself through her own hell anymore...So whether she was ready for whatever would come or not...she rubbed her eyes a bit, slowly stepping back out into the hallway to try and finally reach out- after years of remaining silent.

...Darkness...it kept swallowing them up, almost like a tidal wave. It took a second to recall what was going on. Right. The procedure. Future Foundation. Was...was that a memory then? Were these dreams of memories of their past? How long did they feel like this?!

‘Viktor…’ The name felt bitter on their tongue, and with it a small swell of various emotions came to head. Depression, anguish, betrayal…

‘He talked shit behind my back… we went all the way back to middle school. I trusted him with everything but…’

A voice, Viktor’s, cut through the noise of their head.

“C’mon man, you know I never mean it. Besides, if you weren’t such a damn prick, I wouldn’t need to call you out on your shit all the time.”

“Jeez, you never had gender issues before until I started bringing up that I was trans. What are ya, a copycat?”

“What are you gonna say next, that you’re trans too? Haha! Dude, Nonbinary folk can’t be trans. Besides, you don’t have any physical dysphoria, yeah?”

For years, he manipulated them. Teased them. Backstabbed them.

‘How could I forget about him?...How could I forget about how I was treated growing up by everyone?! Well, I guess I chose to after I came to Japan…’

The sadistic smile came into their mind’s eyes. Those dark brown eyes they admired for so long...it was because of him they became an artist. That they were exposed to who they were, and yet-

A sharp pain echoed through the back of their head, causing them to physically flinch- though it was restricted.

‘That’s right, I was bound to that chair in case something unforeseen happened…’ They reminded themselves, despite still trying to thrash. If their voice would work, they’d likely be crying out in pain.

Still, after another moment, the pain ebbed a bit. They recalled something else. Why that betrayal, that anger...it was so strong…

The blog. The hate. The messages telling them to do something drastic- to kill themselves. The pressure that nearly did cost them their life, had it not been for their escape…

‘...Yet it took me until...some point later...because I know he’s definitely not in my life anymore.’ They told themselves, taking a few breaths to try and ease the picture of the blog from their mind- to stop themselves from seeing red.

They didn’t notice the shuddering they were feeling until a few moments later, but that soon calmed back down.

‘...I do wonder how Kayla is...I didn’t even remember her until now. Did she hurt me too? Did she forget about me when I ran away to Japan…? I don’t know..’ Still, they sighed as Viktor’s laugh cut through their thoughts. Despite themselves, they felt a sense of nostalgia at the sound.

‘Even if he’s a bastard...even though he hurt me in ways that could potentially never heal...I hope he’s doing okay in all of this.’ That little part of them whispered in the space of their subconscious, as memories of their friendship swirled in their mind, ‘I wouldn’t wish despair like this on anyone else…’

It was vague images, ones that felt distant enough that they couldn’t recall in full detail, but they were still there...his house- all the sleepovers. He helped them get their hair cut. He helped them with art. He introduced them to all sorts of new media that, looking back then, they realized was what made them who they were now… A small smile drew out of them. He took them in when they almost couldn’t take their home life anymore, for a short time. Laughing together with Kayla...it felt so distant, but the happiness they felt then...it was still real. It was still real to them, throughout all of that.

Still, that hum, that distinct hum from before that they realized had fallen into the background noise was suddenly at the forefront of their attention once more- growing louder and changing frequency, in a way that made it feel like they were burning. Not with any emotion, but just...burning.

Soon, their thoughts slipped away once more, and with it- the hum died back down once more.

“All readings are going according to plan.” One scientist said to another, “Though we’re picking up distress and hints of pain after turning up the frequency... Is the machine correctly calibrated?”

“It should be as such, unless…” The technician that talked to the brunette earlier pursed his lips in though, before hissing lightly in annoyance through his teeth, “...Unless the subject has an auditory processing issue. Shit- Turn the frequency down a few notches.”

“But sir, if we do so, the memories will most definitely be unable to resurface. Remember, this science isn’t quite perfect yet- we can’t make expenses for the issue.” One female technician spoke up, adjusting her glasses.

“...” The man bit his nail nervously, before sighing and nodding, “Of course. Continue the procedure.”

–☆–

“Where is that piece of shit kid?!” It was dark. There was lightning going on outside. Their heart was racing, “I’m going to rip her to shreds!”

‘It’s just a hallucination, god please just let it be a hallucination,’ They thought to themselves, closing their eyes- trying to shut out the feeling of fear- even if their head was pounding.

“I can’t believe she got another F on a math test- can you believe this?! I work with her constantly on it, and yet it's like she doesn’t even hear me!” The gruff man grumbled, the voice a distinct echo, as the brunette hid their face into their knees. The sounds of screaming, the sounds of banging… the sounds of things being thrown- it made their heart race. But they knew better. These were just their mind playing games on them from the past. Focus. They had to ground themselves, but…

‘I’m so scared, god I’m so damn scared…’ They took a few deep breaths, putting their hands to their ears. Focus.

‘I’m in my room. It’s summer. There’s rain outside and the...smell of... alcohol... is very strong in the air… M-maybe I should open the window.’ Reaching up, they fiddle with the locks in their window for a few moments before flinging it open, letting the smell of nighttime air and rain pattering to the ground slowly drown out the scent of booze that lingered. In moments, the noise in their ears ebbed, and they were able to breathe again. Thankfully. With a bit more focus, the numbness seeped in, and they felt themselves slowly relax. Numbness...it was the only reprieve from the living nightmare of their heart. Controlling it took practice, and being able to shut everything out...it was their only escape. Even if…

‘...Even if it cost someone their life before because of my neglect…’ They thought to themselves, feeling their focus wane and the anxiety starting to ebb back into their vision.

“It’s okay...it’s okay…” They whispered to themselves as they got up, “It’s...It’s not like that anymore. It’s..It’s okay.” They forced themselves to breathe again, focusing again on keeping that numbness deep in- if only to protect themselves from their own pain. They had to get up. They had things to do. They had to keep going.

Their feet felt heavy, slowly gliding across their small room and peering out into the hallway. Silence. Somber, peaceful silence- save for the sounds of the television faintly heard from downstairs. Slowly slipping downstairs, a voice greeted them.

“La- I-I mean, Soren?”

“Y-yeah?” They stuttered out, feigning a smile as they poked their head over to where their father sat on the couch- watching the television screen. He at least tried with them, but still…

“Did you take your medication?”

“I-I’m gonna…” They mumbled sheepishly, their smile flickering a bit.

“Are you okay?”

“.....Y-yeah.” They lied through their teeth- in a manner that was not at all subtle. Part of them wondered if he’d ask, or if he’d just happen to not notice again.

“...Okay.” He smiled, “Don’t forget you start class next week. Hercules High needs you!”

“R-right…”

“And don’t forget you perform for the next few weeks!”

“I-I do? B-but I thought that wasn’t until next week!” Their shock was portrayed in their tone, feeling their heart race. Summer felt like the only time they got to rest, and even then it didn’t feel like it was long enough to deal with the stress they went under.

“They’re starting volleyball season early, and you know the boss needs you.” He shrugged it off, ignoring the clear concern on their features, which fell to simple stress. A few moments of silence drawled on- to which they felt their phone go off in their pocket. They didn’t look at it for a little while, trying to not start crying at even the slightest thought of performing, before finally speaking up once more in a defeated tone.

“...O-Okay. I’ll g-go take my medication, night dad…” “Night sweetie!”

As they tiptoed away though, walking only on the balls of their feet, one thought only crossed their mind.

‘I need to get out of here. I can’t wait to escape any longer. I can’t wait. I can’t deal with the bullying anymore...I can’t take the manipulation anymore...’ A slow inhale, a slow exhale. They had been preparing it for months. Getting a passport, slowly packing things they would need- including funds to transfer from euros into yen…

‘I have to buy that ticket tonight. The last plane out for the next week.’

Their phone buzzed again, which brought them from their thoughts. Slowly, they sighed, taking out their phone.

‘If anyone can calm me down after this nightmare, it’d be my friends-’ They thought to themselves, until seeing the ID.

[ (Stepmom) 11:34 PM: Have you helped your dad out with his account yet? You have to take care of him you know, he can’t take care of himself. ]

Their blood boiled a bit, and despite themselves they quickly texted back.

[ (Ren) 11:35 PM: ...I’m 16, I shouldn’t have to take care of my own parents. Also, it depends- do you still have my binder hidden away somewhere? ]

[ (Stepmom) 11:37 PM: Your what? ]

[ (Ren) 11:37 PM: You know what it is, because I haven’t seen it since I put it in the wash a month ago. ]

For several minutes, as Ren went about the kitchen preparing their medication, they watched her type, the ‘(...)’ making them nervous as they tapped their fingers along their side. But, eventually…

[ (Stepmom) 11:41 PM: Oh, that. It’s going to hurt you if you wear it, it’s too tight. Honestly, I don’t know why you wear something that physically hurts you, so I threw it out. ]

[ (Ren) 11:41 PM: . . . You what. ]

It took everything in them to not throw their phone at the wall in anger. They saved up for months for that! They just wanted to present as themselves! It wasn’t even that tight compared to other, less safer binders! It fit fine!

[ (Stepmom) 11:43 PM: This is for your own good, darling. After all, you wouldn’t want your chest to start sagging, would you? ]

[ (Ren) 11:44 PM: I told you it fit fine. I told you not to mess with it, and how to properly wash it, and you decide to throw it out? The thing I bought with my own money? ]

[ (Stepmom) 11:45 PM: I told you, it’s for your own good. Besides, this phase of yours with being ‘transgender’ will pass in time. ]

Slow breath, in and out. Their grip on their phone tightened before turning it off altogether, taking very intentional slow breaths so they didn’t outright explode into a fit of anger in the middle of the kitchen.

‘She never fucking understands! I explained it to her so many times, I’ve told her this wasn’t just a phase, I begged her to use my name and let me just exist- but she just...can’t! And my dad never does anything! They’ll never do anything!! I just...I wanna be myself. I can’t take it anymore!’

As they gathered their medication, which rested in the kitchen, along with a bottle of water, they looked to their father’s wallet- which rested on the counter. They just needed to pay for the plane ticket... Slowly, they crept over, thinking to themselves, ‘...Am I doing this?’

Their grip shakes for a moment, trembling with anxiety- anger, sadness...every emotion at once swirling inside like a broiling soup, ready to boil over...They took a photo of the credit card- front to back, and slipped it back into his wallet.

‘...I have no choice.’

In one blink, they were upstairs. The next, purchasing the next plane ticket out of there. The next, slipping out of their room and onto the lower roof of their 2 floored house. The next, running down the street and down to the bus stop. The next, in an airport. And the next...they were gone. Over the course of the next...several hours...All of this occurred within the next day or so, even if everything felt like a blur. There was anxiety flooding through their veins, slowly breathing in and out. Looking down while seated in the plane, they noted the transfer papers in their lap. A normal, public high school. They did it. They got out. They were free of everything. Of a shitty, unsupportive home life… of friends who only used them for the money they had, and talked shit behind their back...of the work that dragged them rugged...they were free.

They were finally, finally....free.

....And slowly, just like that, the awareness came back. The feeling of their hands, their legs, and the emotions that came from those memories.

‘That’s right...I ran away from home to transfer to a normal life...I got a part time job, cut off everyone I knew in the past...and left. It wasn’t even just that my family was...abusive… Or at least at that point, But they were…. Neglectful. Emotionally and mentally neglectful... My father...he didn’t acknowledge how poorly he raised me, forced me to work on my singing abilities even when sick or mentally unwell… put so much pressure on my schoolwork that chores and life-skills took a back seat. My stepmother was transphobic, homophobic...and my mother…’

Their thoughts trailed off for a short moment...before the realization cut their heart in two.

‘I haven’t heard from her since I was 7.’

A crippling feeling of loneliness flooded their thoughts, and they swore they felt warmth trailing down their cheek. They swore they felt this before...they knew this feeling of loneliness, and it felt suffocating. It felt like only until recently...they had never known what it felt like to truly belong somewhere… Shit- they were definitely crying, they felt tears falling off their cheek with what awareness they had of their surroundings, despite their eyes being closed. They tried to reach up, to wipe it off, but they once again felt the tight leather restraints keeping them still.

“Hey, Deep breaths.” A voice cut through the pain. The technician, “How are you feeling right now?”

Their eyes fluttered a bit, and eventually...opened. Their body felt heavy. It took a moment or two to piece together how their tongue worked again, but then they eventually mumbled between nervous clicks of their tongue.

“Shitty, thanks,” They sarcastically muttered, “I’m doing as well as I can be. How long has it been?”

“4 hours.” The technician spoke up, “Do you recollect anything from Hopes Peak yet, Ren?”

“...No.” They took a second to gather their thoughts, slowly shaking their head as slightly as they could to try and clear the feeling of static and prickles that surrounded their headspace, “Just...my childhood.”

“Right. Well, we’re about halfway done. If we tried going past 8 hours...well, we don’t know what sort’ve effect it might have on you.”

The intercom spoke, as they nodded, taking another breath. They had stopped crying by now.

“How does this equipment work again?” They were a bit curious now, and it's not like they were really paying attention earlier when he probably was explaining it to them. The sigh he gave confirmed this suspicion, and while quietly smothering the instant guilt in their stomach that came with feeling like a burden for making him repeat himself, he spoke.

“It basically delivers electromagnetic waves through your ears and to your brain, and depending on the frequency we put through these waves, it will help drudge up any forgotten memories...That is to say, it is impossible to ‘steal’ memories persay- but with the right technology, repressing them very deeply into your mind is very possible. It takes very miniscule, very specific triggers to drudge them back to the surface. That’s what the humming is- the electromagnetic waves,” He explained, “However, we cannot select what you do and don’t remember...and given you have ADHD, what you do recall can vary greatly. You still might not remember as much as most of your classmates, hence why yours is taking that much longer compared to your peers.”

“ADHD...of course this is the first I’m hearing of it,” They noted, spite in their tone, “Gotta have a word with that shrink later.” Even if, thinking of it then, ADHD clicked perfectly with how they acted and their personality.

“Soren, please do not nearly break the arm of another psychologist.”

The technician’s exasperation was heard in his tone, watching the brunette’s dark eyes blink up towards where he was sitting in the window. He was holding what, they could only imagine, was yet another coffee. A small stack sat on the desk next to him.

“Nah, I won’t…” They responded, hiding a hint of a chuckle at his tone...They were about to ask another question before quickly giving the slightest shake of their head to brush it off, “Anyway, let’s keep going, yeah?”

“Right. Ready to go back under? Now, I won’t be able to speak to you again until after the procedure ends. While you’re under, you’re technically unconscious, but after each memory ends- you’re briefly brought back to a slight sense of consciousness to give your head a break. Understand?”

“Gotcha, doc.” Their tone was thick with drowsiness, the slight irish drawl slipping between pursed lips. They were sleepy already… What time was it?

“Right...Good luck, Mx.”

The hum started back up as he spoke, growing louder until his voice was drowned out altogether. One breath in...One breath out...And their head went slack once more as they fell unconscious.

–☆–

How is it someone like them got accepted here again?

They honestly had no clue. Extensive testing, sure, they were a decent learner...but their emotional capabilities were apparently one to behold. Sure, they knew they helped a student down and away from suicide, but honestly? Anyone could really do that. Either way, after further examination, they were the designated ‘Ultimate Empath’...Jeez, what the HELL were they doing here?

‘But I mean...if those rumors I heard are true, I’ll be set for life,’ They thought to themselves, shyly posted up in the main hall- watching slowly students trickle in of all ages, ‘And I don’t want to work a part-time job for the rest of my life.’

Some were talking amongst themselves, others kept to themselves but...they were amongst the latter, arms nervously crossed over their torso. Amongst orientation, they would be introduced to the classes specifically picked for each individual student, and fitted into proper ‘Hopes Peak’ uniforms….you know, the same ones no one seemed to really wear- if the appearance of some upperclassmen were any indication.

But they, personally? They didn’t want to make themselves too known within the class. After all, they knew there were missing posters for their deadname so if they weren’t careful…

‘I can’t go back home. I can’t. But also...do I really belong here?’

Looking around, the energy of everyone seemed so...so different...compared to them. So much stronger, mentally and physically. Confident. Cheerful. Perfect.

‘...Maybe I shouldn't be here.’ Their thoughts started walking away with them as they slowly started backing over towards the door…

Only to run into someone- causing both of them to start to stumble.

“Eep-!”

“Whoa!”

They felt the person behind them, though, trip, and suddenly, they were on the floor, on top of this poor unfortunate soul. A few moments of silence pass, a few classmates piping in, asking if they were both okay, before Ren slowly sat up, rubbing their head… only to realize they probably nearly crushed the person below them, and jumping up to their feet.

“Oh my gods, I'm so sorry!” Their voice came out as a shrill squeak, slightly muffled as their hands clasped over their mouth in anxious surprise.

“Ah, jeez-” The boy in question they watched as he rubbed the back of his head, “I-it’s alright, really… Should’ve watched what was in front of me.” He laughed softly, and they looked away.

They wouldn’t lie...he was pretty cute.

“D-did you just walk in? I-I mean, it’s normal not to notice me...I’m pretty short.” They asked and explained themselves, fiddling with their fingers.

“Yeah, I did...and believe me-” He got up himself, standing not much taller than the brunette in question, probably around 5’2”-5’3” or so compared to their 4’10”, “I’m...Not much better in terms of height.”

There was a bewildered silence for a few moments, before the two in question bursted into a small fit of laughter, doubled over in their fit of snickers. As a result, they relaxed a bit, calming down around this boy.

“I’m guessing you’re also in my class then?” They asked, wiping away a small tear from their eye.

“Yeah, actually. What’s your name?” Olive eyes met their own, and they tried everything in their being to keep from squeaking shyly at the eye contact.

“N-Name’s Soren. U-Ultimate Empath. And you?” They offered a hand to him, despite themselves. The boy in question chuckled, taking their hand in his own and giving a soft squeeze as he shook their hand.

“Makoto Naegi...I-I’m the Ultimate Lucky Student, apparently.” He spoke, awkwardly scratching at the back of his neck. Ren tilted their head, curious.

“Luck student? How the hell do you measure luck…?” They asked, obliviously. Makoto sighed, looking a bit downcast, and they could practically see the insecurity written in his body language and face.

“It’s a long story...But honestly, it’s...kinda ridiculous.” He mumbled, “Not sure if someone like you would wanna hear about it.”

“No, no.” They quickly shook their head, not retracting their hand and instead putting their other hand on his, leaning a bit closer with intrigue written on their features, “I wanna know… If you’re comfortable talking about it, of course. I mean…” They tilted their head, “It’s weird feeling different from the other Ultimates, huh?”

His eyes widened, caught off guard, “How did you…” They grinned a bit, a soft smile, “Empath, remember? I can sense your distress about being here...I can sense your nerves. You don’t...feel like you belong, do you?” They asked.

Makoto blinked for a few moments, eyes searching theirs for any sign of joking, before sighing and relaxing a bit. Right.

“Spot on, I guess. Alright, alright, I’ll spill. But you best not tell anyone else, okay?” Makoto put a finger to his lips, a curl of a joking smirk on their face. At that moment, they noticed the faint sprinkling of freckles across his face, the slight dimples in his features when he grinned...Their heart jumped a bit, and they laughed.

“I won’t tell a soul.”

In one blink, there they were talking to Makoto, and in the next…

“Ren?” Looking over, they found themselves in a different environment. They were seated outside, underneath a tree, with a few other girls around them. If memory serves right…

‘This is Chihiro, Celestia, and Asahina.’ Their memory clicked perfectly back together.

“Hey!” It was Hina talking, “Dude, are you okay? You were spacing out pretty hard there.”

Ren blinked a bit, before shyly chuckling and looking away, “Ah, yeah, I’m okay. That just...tends to happen.”

Hina blinks a bit before shaking her head, “Well, yeah, clearly. You should really get that checked out you know! If you can’t even focus on food, how will you be able to focus in class?! I mean, midterm exams are coming up soon you know.”

“...A Lot of studying.” They chuckled nervously, biting their nails, “Still, I just have a lot on my mind lately, I guess.”

“A- A-lot on your mind?” Chihiro spoke up, blinking and leaning a bit closer towards Ren, “D-does it have to do w-with studying?” “...No, I wouldn’t say that…” They mumbled, shyly, looking down at their food and taking a shy bite.

‘How can I tell them everything that goes on in my head? How can I tell them that it's a fight everyday to survive? How can I explain...that something’s wrong with me?’

Simply put, they couldn’t. They managed a small smile and chuckled.

“Just thinking of boys, I guess.” They quickly averted the actual subject- unknowing of them setting themselves up for disaster.

“Oooh?” Asahina got a mischievous grin on her face, “Any particular boys?”

Their face flushed...it was no secret to any of them that they, simply put, were a bit smitten.

“Noooooo….?” They lied through their teeth, even if their goofy grin gave them away.

“Not even a particular luckster?” Celeste leaned in a bit, joining in on the teasing with her own little devilish grin, giggling quietly as the brunette interrogated squeaked shyly and hid their face in their hands, the image of the Ultimate in question immediately flooding their thoughts.

“Nooo!!!” They tried to protest, shaking their head rapidly. The group of girls giggled, Chihiro wrapping an arm around the brunette’s neck in an attempt to reassure them.

“You’re going to have to ask him out eventually, you know, before Sayaka beats you to it.” Asahina said with a cheeky grin. Their smile faltered slightly.

“No, no. I shouldn’t meddle...I’d feel bad.”

“Even if he clearly has no romantic interest in her?” Celeste spoke up, red eyes widening a bit, “That is to say, I’ve only seen him so starstruck around you particularly, my dear.”

Ren’s face flushed even brighter, biting their lip shyly, “Noo, he definitely wouldn’t want someone like me…” Their self consciousness was starting to show, “I mean, I’m just a nosy empath with gender issues. Sayaka is...a literal popstar.”

“And? Popstar or no, you still have something special about you that Naegi senses! Cmon, Ren, be a bit more confident in yourself!” Hina rebutted, determination glittering in her bright blue eyes before giggling and shoving a baked treat into her mouth.

“I-I’m plenty confident in myself!” ‘I...I think.’ They left that last bit out, looking away to bite their lip in uncertainty.

The rest of the girls shared a mutual doubtful, somewhat concerned look, before shaking their heads.

“Tell us that when you manage to ask Naegi out yourself, dear.” Celeste concluded, delicately eating at some sparse vegetables she had served herself, smiling sweetly towards her.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” They huffed, blushing with a slight pout as they idly drank at the sugary drink that sat next to them. It tasted sweet, and reminded them of peaches… Peach soda. Huh.

Still, looking over to the tree next to them, they spotted Makoto amongst some of the guys- laughing alongside Ishimaru, Sayaka, Kyoko, and Yasuhiro...and found their heart sinking a bit in their chest.

‘He’d...never fall for someone like me. It’s not like I’m extraordinary or anything… I’m not like the rest of the Ultimates here.’ They thought to themselves, feeling their mood start to shift. However, the next moment, his eyes met theirs and he smiled, offering a shy wave- and they felt their heart start to race all over again.

‘...Still. I’ll...I’ll stay hopeful for it. It never hurts to dream, right?’

Slowly, the memory faded into nothing once more, and while they didn’t open their eyes again, they felt the sense of their surroundings return once again.

‘Hopes Peak Academy...I never expected I’d get in, especially while I was a runaway...but when I did, it changed my life. For the first time I had friends. I had people I cared about...but at the time, I was so wrapped up in my own trauma, in my own depression...I just didn’t notice. I thought I was alone..’ They thought to themselves, a curl of a small smile on their features, ‘...And my love for Makoto...it goes even beyond the Killing School Life...Gods, Hina isn’t going to let me live THAT down anytime soon if she remembers that.’

Still...there was something about knowing their classmates...truly KNOWING their classmates now, compared to back then...that hurt their heart even more.

‘...They all deserved so much better… None of them deserved to die. None of them deserved to be murdered...none of them deserved to suffer the way we all did. I hope they’re doing okay in the everafter…’

Still, as sweet as the memory was, they had to continue. They had to keep going down memory lane. And, it seemed everyone else agreed, as the electromagnetic humming started once again, filling their head with noise. This one felt more abrupt, more sharp, and suddenly they were groaning in pain a bit. Whatever was going on, it hurt...it actually really, really hurt-

“I-Is...is everything...okay??” They managed to open an eye slightly… Only to notice the panic in the technician’s faces. Was something going wrong??? Why did this hurt so badly and all of a sudden- it felt like their head might burst from the pain that came from the sound.

...They had little time to ask, as within the next moment the world spun back into oblivion once again.

–☆–

“Soooooreeeen~!”

A cheerful voice brought them to their senses, a thin thumb running over their cheek and wiping a tear from their eyes.

“Hey, are you listening to yourself?” Junko. One of Ren’s newer friends- though she’s been the most honest to them about everything going on.

“I-I ah….s-sorry. I guess I was rambling again, huh?” They looked over to her. They were sitting in an abandoned classroom, the blonde in question was sitting on one of the desks, looking down at them through empty, crystalline eyes.

“Yeah, you were totally out of it.” She chuckled, a smirk on her face, “I can’t believe how heartbroken you look, but honestly? It’s really cute.”

“Oh shutup-” They blushed a bit, looking away, “I-It’s...it’s nothing.”

“Oh really? Even though Makoto is going on what’s totally a date with Sayaka?” Junko leaned into their face, “It’s okay to feel that, y’know? It’s totally okay to let those feelings manifest into something quite...gorgeous. Wouldn’t you agree? It’s like you said, right?” “...There's beauty in everything. Even the worst bits of life…Even in the pain.” They repeated, another tear falling down their cheek.

“There we go… It’s really sad, how you’re literally the side character to your own life, you know? How often Asahina and the others just go off on their own without you?...Well, at least I’m here, you know?” Junko grinned a bit as they nodded, slowly.

“Yeah…”

“Junko...We do have a plan to discuss, you know…” A voice caught both of their attention, and looking towards the corner of the room, Mukuro Ikusaba. A sweet girl with dark black hair and another array of freckles. If they weren’t so bent out of shape with Makoto, honestly Mukuro was also very cute…

“Oh shutup!” Junko’s high pitch voice cut through their gay thoughts, quickly looking back to the blonde, “Anyway, let’s go over the plan I came up with! Alright?”

“Okay…” Mukuro nodded quietly, submitting to her sister’s behavior once again with a passive smile. This seemed to be quite the pattern with these two, and Ren wondered if all siblings acted like this...

“So, I heard some super super secret news about how this whole...event that happened at the school is only going to get worse,” Junko explained, “But with the rest of the outside world. We’re pretty sure that the school will lock up a bunch of us in here, and we want to make things that much more fun for everyone.”

“...Okay…?” Ren raised an eyebrow, concerned.

“We want you to be the one to get back at them.”

“Huh?”

“You know!! Beat up everyone who keeps abandoning you! Your so called ‘friends’ and your ‘crush’ who abandon you when you need them the most? The ones who clearly couldn’t care less about you? Don’t you want to get back at them?” Junko leaned in towards Ren, who bit their lip, shaking their head.

“N-No...No of course not...I-I mean, they have lives of their own, they shouldn’t have to pay all their attention to me all the time…”

“Even when they clearly forget about you all the time? When you almost killed yourself at the end of last year?” Junko’s eyes stared into Ren’s soul, and they felt...almost violated by the eye contact.

“...E-even so...I-I wouldn’t hurt them…”

“So what are you gonna do? Turn tail and run back to Ireland? Back to your family?” They still don’t know HOW Junko found out about their past- as far as everyone else knew, they were just an Ireland transfer student.

“...N-No, of course not.”

“So, you’ll stay. And play our game.” Junko smiled, “Okay?”

“I…”

“I wouldn’t want something...devastating happening to your dear Naegi, would you?” Junko’s grin turned almost sadistic as she spoke, harshly grabbing their face, “So, you’ll play our game, right?”

Their heart stopped...if Makoto was going to put in danger.......no, they’d do anything in their power to make sure that happened, even if- for the time being- they had to play along.

“...Yes...yes of course.” They mumbled, cheeks squished.

“Good! Besides, it’s not like you’re killin’ em or anything! Not unless you wanna, then of course I’ve got your back on that!” Junko chuckled a bit, letting go of their face, watching as they rubbed their cheeks.

“I-I’d...I’d never kill anyone…”

“Oh dear, we’ll see.”

Junko got up from her seat, slowly approaching Ren and cornering them in their chair.

“J-Junko?...” Their eyes widened, “What are you doing?”

“Hmm...I just want to show you something. Is that okay?” The blonde grinned, tilting their chin up, “After that, we can further discuss this prank of ours.”

“...N-Noo…?” They had a bad feeling about it, but Junko didn’t seem to listen. They quickly got up to leave, they suddenly didn’t feel safe in the room alone with her- but they felt their arm yanked back, and pinned back into the next desk.

“J-Junko-!”

The blondes bright eyes appeared in their vision next, her grin a bit sharper than it probably should be.

“Mukuro, hold them down, I want to watch how they react to this video…”

...Something happened during that day. Something that...even to their mind's eye, was fuzzy. They remembered that they started crying again at one point, they remember they felt violated- but they didn’t know why. They don’t remember what happened. They don’t remember how they felt after- or if they even felt anything...But all they could recall after was a faint whisper of a voice, menacing yet dripping with faux sweetness.

“You’ll make them all pay for what they did to you, right?”

“Yes, Junko.”

…

“Junko?”

“Ohmygod- Yeeees?”

“...Let my memory get erased too. I promise I’ll still follow up on my deal. I...I’ll still have my anger, I’ll still have that aggression. I promise. Just...wipe my memory alongside everyone else. So I don’t spill our little secret. Okay?”

“....Fine.”

–☆–

In that brief moment, they suddenly jolted upright- body trembling and a pained gasp leaving their lungs. They- they couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, and everything suddenly felt so loud-

The primary technician who ran the whole ordeal ran inside, quickly detaching the device and kneeling down in front of Ren.

“Soren?! Hey, can you hear me?!” No. No they couldn’t. All they could think about was how sick they felt, how suddenly suicidal they felt. Were they drowning? Why couldn’t they breathe?!

‘I agreed to hurt people for Junko...S-she manipulated me...she hurt me...to get me to play her game. To keep me from leaving before shit hit the fan...Fuck. Fuck, if I followed through on any of her ideas…To think I agreed to HER game- God I’m a fucking idiot!’ Their thoughts were running at a thousand miles an hour, struggling to breathe. Their hands were tugging desperately on their restraints, unsure if they wanted to hold their throat in attempts to try and breathe again, or if they wanted to claw at their arms until they bled.

They shook their head violently, and in the next moment- with little warning aside from their stomach doing a complete 180- doubled over in their chair and threw up right into their lap. The technician, alarmed, quickly rang up their psychologist who was a few floors down, to provide assistance.

Everything in their vision swam. They conspired with Junko to hurt people. They conspired with Junko...they...they enabled the Killing Game before it even started.

They puked again. They felt like they might throw up their lungs next, at this rate.

Why were they alive? Why did they have to be the one alive?! They kept making one mistake after another- and this just proved it! This just proved how fucked up they were. How dangerous they were to others.

“Ren- Ren, tell me what you saw!” The technician grabbed their shoulders, trying to get them to focus. Their trashing just got worse. “No! No- No let go of me! Let go of me! I- I can’t breathe- oh my god what did I do!?” Their voice was hoarse from the acidic bile in their throat, struggling not to get sick even more.

“What did you see?! What did you recall?!” The technician kept trying to talk to them, which only resulted in overwhelming them all the more. The last thing they can completely remember after abruptly waking up from their memory revitalization- was screaming at the top of their lungs. They just wanted to die- they didn’t deserve to live for working with Junko- for working with despair. Frankly, they wished they had died instead of recalling anything at all.

They…frankly don’t remember the next hour or so. They remember faces, eyes, voices speaking to them...a needle being put into their arm…

And soon, they calmed down a bit, feeling sluggish and heavy. Everything felt a bit fuzzy at the edges of their mind as the screaming- both physically and mentally- all but stopped.

‘Sedatives,’ The thought connected briefly, before the word escaped them altogether in the cloud of drugs. Their psychologist helped them to their feet-- when did they get onto the floor of the laboratory?-- and out of the lab.

Being barely supported under their arm, they basically dragged their feet back to their shared apartment room within their sector’s building with Makoto. Their psychologist stuck by their side until they were able to walk easier, before heading off to schedule a few more appointments in the very near tomorrow. They had a feeling they’d be busy tomorrow, if they even had the energy to get up.

They remember looking at the time...But they don’t remember what it was. Late, they figured. They stumbled inside, nearly falling on their face as they held their head, still trying to wrap their mind around everything they remembered.

The slight shifting from one of the rooms in the apartment got their attention though, and within another blink Makoto was at their side- helping them stand up a bit and trying to help them into bed. His mouth moved, and they acknowledged that he was saying something to them...but it took a few moments before anything he said actually was heard by them. When they were, they looked up a bit more at him, to which he sighed.

“What happened?” He asked them, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Their eyes watered a bit, mumbling a quiet, ‘I’m so so sorry...I’m… I failed everyone here…’

“Failed? Ren?” He sat them down, clasping their hand, “You had the memory recovery procedure today right? What happened?”

“...I-I can’t...I can’t tell you.” They mumbled, eyes squeezed shut, “You’d hate me. Everyone would...I-I can’t… I can’t take it…” They shook their head, breathing starting to go shallow again as Makoto quickly waved his hands in mild panic.

“Hey, hey, calm down, calm down! It’s going to be okay. Y-you don’t need to talk about it right now, okay? Everything’s okay.” He reassured them, concerned and slightly panicked, “I could never hate you, Ren…” “...” They wanted to scream, they wanted to explain everything to those eyes, they wanted to prove him wrong. They wanted to prove that they should be hated, especially after what they’ve done...but they just felt too tired. They felt too scared...they felt too insecure to admit to it.

“Just rest for now, okay? I’ll bring you some water, and..” He noticed how stained their clothes were, and his nervous smile faltered, “And a change of clothes, apparently, yikes… Do you need anything else?”

“...Medication…” They mumbled quietly, tossing off their shirt and pants without much mind to it, “Please…”

“...Right, okay.” He faltered a bit and quickly looked away from their frame, getting back to his feet, “You rest up for a bit, and I’ll...I’ll get what you need, okay?”

“Okay…” “I love you…” ‘You wouldn’t if you knew what I did…’

Laying down, they felt their eyes flutter as the sedatives further kicked in, feeling their consciousness start to slip…

“I love you too.”

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