#last one is based on that paragraph that talks about his love hate relationship with katya before the trial

[spacemoth-matt]

Book XI Ivan Karamazov

[lilwetto]

Save a horse, ride a cowboy (18+)

Scrim x Y/N

Warnings: SMUT. Also will be written in third person BUT it might change to first since it's easier for me idk yet. might change it.

A/N this is my first scrim smut, so GO EASY ON ME. I also cannot do small paragraphs. I'M SORRY. I'm learning okay lmao, this is new to me all over again- this will not be light work, ok? Also would appreciate requests n shit, I want to actually test how far I can go with these while writing my stories on wattpad. I'll update whenever I can here, there's no hate here, only love. All my smut that I post here will be on my wattpad under LTE since I want to make an imagines book based on requests. It's difficult writing stories and trying to come up with ideas for imagines so pls give me ideas.

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It's been a month since you've heard from Scott, the two of you had been fighting on and off for the last three years, being in a relationship with him had never been an easy one. You had been best friends from the start to failed lovers now, he had written a verse about you in their song Escape from Babylon- talking about how you had gone from saying "I hate you" to "I love you", you've been in love with Scott since before the fame, however he had never felt the same way about you until a few years ago. 

Your last falling out, you decided to pack all of your shit and move out of the home you two shared. He was entertaining the females on tour and that seemed to be the last of your strength to stay in that relationship, leaving hurt the most since you felt like he never fought for you. 

Unfortunately, you’d have to see him again, you were their stylist for onstage attire and helping with the style of any music video any of them would be in. You knew Scott had a music video coming up, he had been writing a new album for the last year and a half. some new genres for him to try. Autotune being his best friend of course. 

You were dreading that phone call from their manager, Kyle. He knew your relationship with Scott was in fact all over the place, everyone could see that the two of you would always fall out, it was no secret that you were slowly starting to hate the person he had become. 

The last few minutes were peaceful yet horrible as you were pulled from your thoughts by the harsh ringtone of your iPhone. You groan out loud as Kyle’s name flashed across the screen, knowing you couldn’t ignore it. He paid you to do your job. 

“What?” You mumbled after accepting the call. 

“Nice to hear you’re cheery, Y/N.” His chuckle rattled your brain, rolling your eyes in disgust. “We need you to style this next video, come out to Chihuahuan Desert.” The fucking desert? Great. You think to yourself.

“When?” You mumble. You already knew the answer to your question, now. 

“Now would be great.” You look at the time. 

“Why the fuck are you guys picking closer to 11pm?” You didn’t want to leave the comforts of your bed. You managed to find a small apartment in New Mexico since your house with Scott was located in the middle of New Mexico. 

“Y/N, we’re not doing this again, be here in the next hour.” Kyle hung up on you, making you more annoyed than ever as you climbed out of bed and threw on some clothes that’ll keep you warm for the night. 

You drive your car to Chihuahuan Desert, seeing parts of the crew already setting up the lighting for this music video. Scott hadn’t released any new music yet, he had so much in the vault and was too picky to choose what he wanted to do with them all. 

You weren’t happy that they wanted to do this music video at stupid o’clock, parking your car and climbing out. You walk towards the group of people, seeing Kyle getting hands on. “Where is he?” You ask. Clearly not wanting to see or talk to Scott. 

“He’s in that trailer.” He pointed towards the trailer park looking as home. You rolled your eyes and walked up to the doors, knocking loudly as you hear a grumble and the words “come in.” 

Scott was looking over a few pieces of clothing, keeping his eyes locked onto the table as you stepped into the trailer. A part of you wanted to hug him tightly, but the other part wanted to cuss him out and cry. You were the only two in the trailer, looking over at the thousands of clothing that he couldn’t pick from. 

You grab a white oversized shirt, orange sweatshirt and a pair of his baggy jeans, placing them to the side as you looked over at his accessories. “What were you thinking of wearing?” You break the silence first. 

“Was thinking maybe this chain and bracelet.” Your hand brushes against his as the two of you go to pick up the same item. “Sorry.” You mumble quickly. 

Scott shrugs it off and plays it cool as he picks up the white cowboy hat and places it onto his head, a different look for him. He was branching out, picking up new styles from what he does in Suicideboys. 

“I want to say I’m sorry.” He started, catching you by surprise. Scott never apologized; he was stubborn as fuck when it came to him being wrong. In Scott’s eyes he was always right, who was the female in your relationship, huh?

“Doesn’t matter, I’m over it.” You say before you can even stop your words from rolling off the tip of your tongue. Scott wouldn’t like that answer and it felt foreign coming from you as you turned your back to leave the trailer to let him get dressed. 

“What?” His hand enclosed around your right upper arm, making you mentally groan. This is the last thing you wanted to deal with right now. “You don’t give a fuck about us?” 

You let out the biggest laugh as you turn your head to look at him. “That’s rich coming from you. Scott, it’s you who doesn’t give a fuck about us. I have chased you and pleaded and what would you do?” You huffed in annoyance as he turned you to face him. 

“You know I ain’t mean it like that, shawty.” He was doing his little cheesy grin, the one that would get him what he wanted as he bit on his lip. 

“Get changed, you asshole.” You wanted to leave because this always happened, it was always a cycle with Scott, and you were too tired to keep going around like a merry-go-round. 

He pulled your hands towards his belt, lingering your fingers over the cold metal piece. “I think I need some help.” He mumbled that grin still sitting on his lips made you want to slap it off. 

You thought about leaving, but somehow you were in a trance, helping him out of his clothes to change into these new ones. He reached around you, locking the door from behind you before he pressed you up against it. 

His arm outstretched beside your head, resting his hand on the door. “Suck it.” He mumbled, his other hand now holding your chin as his thumb grazed against your lower lip. 

Being the good girl that you were, you slowly got to your knees and with the help of Scott had his pants around his thighs. He was semi-hard, almost waving at you. Your eyes doe-like, stared up at him as you slowly stuck your tongue out. 

You tapped the head of his length against your tongue, you were going to tease him. Scott didn’t deserve to get it how he wanted it, you slowly run the tip of your tongue from the head to the base then back again before spitting at the end. 

He was trying not to moan, watching your every move like a predator stalking its prey. His thumb caressed your cheek as you eased him between your lips, gently nipping your teeth against his sensitive skin. This earned you a small groan from him, this was new, you hardly ever took the upper hand when it came to sex. 

“Y/N, stop teasing.” He grumbled, getting flustered by the lack of contact that he wanted. You peered up to his eyes, seeing the sparkle glistening in his eyes from the lights outside. 

Scott didn’t care much for people hearing and sometimes he didn’t care if anyone saw the two of you fuck, you were his girl and only his. He grabbed your hair in an attempt to get you to do what he asked. The game you were playing with him? Dangerous as hell. 

You pulled your head away, gazing up at him like a deer in the headlights. The look he always loved seeing on you. “Stop fucking playin, Y/N…” He was becoming agitated. 

“Who said I was playing, Scotty?” A small smirk finally appeared on your lips as his hand moved from your face to your hair in seconds, forcing you to be face-to-face with his now hardened length. 

He was throbbing, you could see it with the way it moved like it had a pulse. Your tongue touched the tip, jumping in excitement over a little bit of contact. Your lips finally making the contact that he so longed for, wrapping around his length caused Scott to groan under his breath. 

“Fuck..” Those words weren’t meant to be heard especially by you. He didn’t want you knowing that he had been missing you, his stubbornness stopped him from calling and texting you, refusing to sleep with any girl that threw themselves at him. 

He gripped your hair and slowly began to thrust his hips as he forced you to bob your head against them, taking the upper hand like he always done. You gagged slightly, feeling him hit the back of your throat. It had been awhile, moaning against him before he pulled himself out. 

He forced you up, pinning your back against the door as he roughly pulled your pants and panties off, standing on them to keep them in place so you could take them off without falling over. Scott grabbed your hand as he fell back against the couch, pulling you on top of his lap as he then eased himself inside of you. 

A low groan fell from his lips as he held your hips tightly, allowing you to move when you wanted to. The feeling of him stretching you out caused a soft whimper to burst from your throat, you had missed this feeling of him inside of you. 

You began to slowly rock your hips back and forth, each time you’d build more confidence in each roll forward. Your hands rested on his shoulders as you began to spell ‘coconut’ with your hips. 

“Holy shit… Y/N, you been watching videos or some shit?” His eyes peered from under the hat, licking his lips as he thought about devouring you right there and then.

You laugh under your breath which turned into a moan as Scott began to thrust up inside of you. His hands holding your hips firmly still as his hip movements became faster. His groans were filling the empty spaces as you began to rub circular motions against your clit, you refused to let him be the only one to cum. 

“Fuck… I can’t hold it anymore.” He mumbled, you took the hat from off his head and placed it onto your own. 

Your hips began to move faster against his own movements. Your moans becoming louder as he quickly covered your mouth, grunting as he filled you with his thick, warm load. You whimper under your breath as you feel yourself tighten around him, releasing yourself all over him.  

“Shit…” He chuckled quietly under his breath before placing a couple of soft kisses to your lips. “That was good.” 

You hum in response and slowly slide him out. “What can I say? I missed it.” You placed the hat back on his head and pulled your panties n pants back on before heading outside again. 

Everyone was staring over as you exited the trailer. “What?” You mumbled as Kyle came over. 

“The entire team heard the two of you..” He laughed, acting as if he was embarrassed for us. 

“What can I say? I like to save the horses and ride me a cowboy instead.” 

[elffees]

How Fragile Allyship is Portrayed in Frontiers of Pandora

So I really love this audio log from Priya and needed to talk about it. This entire post will be based on this log.

Transcript:

"I ... it's Priya. Obviously. I don't know what day it is. Nothing makes sense... Alma's dead. Alma. Is. Dead.

Oh wow. That's weird. But you know what the really weird, screwy part is? There's this whole other Alma just walking around. Except she's not blue and she's got tiny eyes. Do we all have such tiny eyes? I just ... I feel like good Alma was killed. And we're left with this other one who everyone hates. But really it's the same person. Or is it?

I don't know what to think. I'm not really the one for existential crises, but this is a real brain-breaker. And I'm ... I'm sad. My friend died. No. No. She was murdered. I know she did some bad things, but Nor had no right. I'm glad he's gone. Maybe he's glad too. He never liked it here. Never liked us. Humans.

But we're trying to help. Alma was trying to help. She was protecting them. She tried. Right? Mercer's the bad one. That's all I know for sure. And that other Alma... she wants to hang out, just like old times. But... she's not my friend. Not— I think I hear someone. Signing off."

This audio log can be found in the Resistance Hideout.

I really like this log because it encapsulates the different ways allies & marginalized peoples view and are affected by certain situations.

Disclaimer before I start: I am not saying Priya is a bad person, nor am I saying allies are bad people.

For starters, I can understand why Priya, and likely other Resistance members, have mixed feelings towards Alma. It's a very complex situation. So Priya regarding it as "weird" and being at a complete loss makes sense.

What I want to focus on in this post are the last 3 paragraphs. Where she expresses confusion and hurt because "Good Alma was murdered".

I think this right here is a very well written distinction on how allies and the marginalized communities they assist experience situations differently.

Alma's Reveal

Everyone had their worlds turned upside down when Alma confessed the full extent of her actions in TAP. Alma admits that her avatar was a tool for manipulation. Although she may care for the Sarentu children now, for the majority of their relationship, from the genocide, to TAP, to being frozen and left behind, Alma's avatar was a tool to manipulate and coerce Na'vi into viewing her (and by extension TAP, then later the Resistance) as "one of them". As someone to trust and relate to. The purpose of her having an avatar was to act as a golden ticket into Na'vi society.

Alma was not "murdered". There is no "good" or even "bad" Alma. There is only Alma.

The human who played a role in the massacre of a clan, then manipulated its survivors for years, then left them behind to remain in stasis for nearly 2 more decades.

Who is also the human who founded the Western Resistance and tried to band together several Na'vi clans to protect Pandora, who encouraged the Sarentu to reclaim their culture and customs the ones that didn't expose her ofc, and who helped rid Pandora of cackling narcissist John Mercer.

There is only ONE Alma that has done all of these things.

Alma was not "murdered". Her tool of manipulation was destroyed. The object, the mask, the weapon that gave Alma her power and confidence and that helped her fool not only the Sarentu, not only the Resistance, but also herself into thinking she was something she was not, was taken from her.

Alma was not murdered. She was thrust back into reality.

And so, Priya's last 3 paragraphs interest me. It's completely fine that she mourns the image of who she thought Alma was. In a way I think the Sarentu (sans Nor) do as well. Everyone thought Alma was just a good person who only wanted to help with no ulterior motives. It's painful to realize that was far from the case.

But then Priya goes on to hate Nor. She spits his name out like a curse. Glad he's gone because "he never liked them anyway". That he had no right to "murder" Alma because she only did a few "bad things".

There's a lot to unpack there.

Priya's Blaming of Nor & It's Ties to Fragile Allyship

I want to break down the lines one by one.

She was murdered. I know she did some bad things, but Nor had no right.

For starters, it is EXTREMELY COMMON for allies of marginalized communities to "insert their two cents" on a delicate topic. More often than not when there is inter-community issues, allies have a tendency to say the phrase: "I'm [insert demographic] so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, BUT I think..." Any and all oppressed classes have heard this phrase from MILLIONS of allies before.

The FOP writers did remarkably well at capturing what allyship looks like when writing the Resistance. Because Priya, as a human formerly part of the oppressive group trying to wipe out the Na'vi and Pandoran wildlife, fully believes she can judge whether Nor had a right or not.

It's not her call.

She cannot determine whether Nor was justified or not because she, as someone part of the privileged class in the world of the game, has never suffered from the harm that Alma's avatar has caused.

She, and none of the Resistance members, were raised by Alma's avatar.

They were not lied to by Alma's avatar for YEARS about the true fate of their families and loved ones.

They were not encouraged to view Alma as a mother-figure or nurturing teacher or beloved caretaker, when she was actually just eager for fame and success.

They were not put into cryosleep and then left behind for 16 MORE YEARS with suspicions that this abandonment was an intentional coverup.

They did not suffer any of that.

They saw her as the leader of the Resistance and as a friend, which does cause an impactful betrayal of course, but Alma's avatar never tried to force them to see her as family. As someone to love.

While Priya only says all this in a private audio log and thankfully doesn't say it to any of the Sarentu or god forbid So'lek, these are her thoughts. The simple fact she believes she can judge Nor, that she has the capacity and authority to scold one of the main victims, is a reoccurring feature of privileged allies who struggle to realize that they cannot relate or ever fully understand how marginalized communities experience oppression.

Priya says Nor had "no right" to "murder" Alma. When truthfully, Priya has no right to judge how the Sarentu feel and respond.

I'm glad he's gone. Maybe he's glad too. He never liked it here. Never liked us. Humans.

After Priya attempts to place judgement on Nor's actions, she then dives deeper.

She is glad Nor is gone. Not ONLY because of what he did to Alma's avatar. No. She is also glad he's gone because Nor was not friendly.

Another prime instance of fragile allyship is that allies tend to believe that marginalized people are only worth their sympathy if they're likeable.

This has a lot ties to the "Perfect Victim" concept.

Because Nor was not friendly, because his trauma caused him to distrust humans and he did not quickly get over it and befriend Resistance members, he is undeserving of as much sympathy as the other Sarentu.

It's seen as a positive that he's gone (despite the fact he ran away in clear emotional distress.) Not just because of what he did to Alma's avatar, but because now Priya and the Resistance no longer have to assist someone that's "ungrateful" and "not as nice" as they should be.

The purpose of being an ally is to help oppressed classes survive against circumstances that would otherwise have them discriminated against or have them dead. Being a truly good ally should not hinder on whether the person is "likeable" or "grateful" for their services. But sadly, in the real world, that is one of the most common "conditions" a LOT of allies have when it comes to offering support. How much they like the person or groups they claim to want to help.

Allyship is more often than not based on likeability, rather than morality.

But we're trying to help. Alma was trying to help. She tried. Right?

Another feature of fragile allyship is the tendency to change sides.

Priya agrees that what Alma did was wrong. She understands that.

But because of the simple fact that Alma is human, Priya not only relates but tries to defend Alma's actions. Seeing herself in Alma is understandable because they are both human and were friends. The problem comes when Priya begins to project and defend Alma's actions.

It doesn't matter that by her own admission Alma's main goals were fame and achievement. It doesn't matter how much the Sarentu are hurt by her actions. It doesn't matter that Nor was outraged. It doesn't matter that even calm and collected Ri'nela was disgusted. It doesn't matter HOW the Sarentu, as the direct victims, feel about Alma's actions. It doesn't matter that intent ≠ impact.

Alma is human like Priya, so from Priya's POV, Alma's 'intentions' hold more value than how the Sarentu were impacted. "We're" trying to help. Alma was trying to help. So her actions can't have been that bad. Right?

Mercer's the bad one. That's all I know for sure.

And finally, this is another feature of how allies tend to respond to things.

Of the two, Mercer is the one who unabashedly committed the massacre and oppressed the Sarentu for years. Mercer is "the bad one" because his actions are overt. They are clear cut, obvious, and maniacally evil.

When real world marginalized groups face microaggressions or covert prejudice, allies have a tendency to step in and defend the offender. "Hm, I don't think that was racist." "Are you sure that's homophobic?" "It's just a word. I don't see how it can be ableist to say." - "It's not like it's really hurting anyone."

When oppression is not as clear cut to allies, they tend to dismiss it entirely. It doesn't matter how the victims feel about the situation. As discussed earlier in the post, allies tend to think they have the authority and capability to make judgements on prejudice they do not face, and ergo believe they can determine how "bad" something really is. Better than the marginalized class can themselves.

In Priya's eyes, Alma is better than Mercer because Mercer's oppression was harsh yelling, explosions, and murder. "Mercer's the bad one" while Alma was "only trying to help."

But in truth, both Mercer and Alma have done and continued to do harmful things. They both played a part in the decimation and continued manipulation of the Sarentu. Both for their own selfish purposes.

Oppression has many faces. It does not always look the same, it is not always a mustache twirling villain. It can be subtle and quiet. It can be hidden behind gentle eyes and smiles. It can be from "good intentions" just as easily as it comes from "bad intentions". It can be subconscious, it can be self aware, it can be secretive, it can be out in the open. It can be many things. There is not only "one bad" style.

Oppression is just as diverse as the communities it aims to harm.

Conclusion

I want to reiterate that I do not dislike Priya and this post isn't a hate campaign against her. I know many dudebros in the fanbase unfairly criticize her.

The point of this post is to applaud the FOP writers. It is very rare when mainstream media is able to accurately depict how fragile allyship is. Priya's reaction to Nor stabbing Alma's avatar is painfully realistic to the many ways allies have reacted to certain situations in the real world.

This is one of the many reasons why I love this game and feel it hits home. Not only can I relate to the Na'vi clans, but my god can I relate to the way allies are written in relation to them. And I feel like this audio log from Priya, while brief and easily missable, is one of the prime moments of realism this game portrays really well.

[moody-avocado]

Since I am still salty about this

Every time I see a Reylo post, I get reminded just how much I hated the ending of TROS, which includes the abrupt change in Rey’s character, so here’s rant & some lists/meta.

I am still very annoyed by Rey's reaction to Ben' death, so here’s a list of 5 times Rey was grieving or was at least extremely concerned about someone’s well-being vs. TROS ending. The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, and The Rise of Skywalker are all there. Daisy Ridley is an amazing actress, and this has nothing to do with her.

I am also including a second list of all the times Rey expressed concern and compassion for Ben, almost all of which were more emotionally intense and satisfying than her reaction to his death.

Rewatching all these scenes has reminded me what a sweet character Rey is; she expresses her emotions so easily and is really in touch with her feelings. The ending of TROS is so out of character for her. Making these lists has also reminded me just how frequently Rey experienced tragedy over the course of the three movies.

I wish Ben lived, of course.

Please keep in mind that a good part of this post talks about character deaths in Star Wars, so please proceed with caution. You might find the content triggering; I have used all the trigger warnings/“tw” tags that I could think of.

Let’s go.

1-2 - TFA

1. Han dies

At this point, Rey barely knows Han (I think she has known him for exactly one day here), and still, this is her reaction to him being stabbed/thrown off the bridge. She gets easily attached to people and that she cares deeply. Rey yells, she cries.

Interestingly, her grief lasts in TFA - this is her returning to the Resistance base after Han’s death:

For contrast, here is Rey returning to the Resistance base after Ben Solo’s death; they had known each other for some time and had a very complex relationship, where they were both vulnerable with each other/bonded through the Force, saved each other’s lives multiple times, and were in love/attracted to each other:

It’s almost scary how quickly she gets over the whole thing.

2. Finn get injured

This scene lasts for a a pretty long time - unlike the segment where Ben disappears/dies and Rey is alone. When it comes to the emotional reaction, while you can argue that Rey is aware that she may die as well (the planet is collapsing), and that that adds to her sadness and concern, it’s still pretty clear that she cares about Finn deeply. She is again crying, and she also starts hugging him almost immediately after she finds him passed out.

Bonus - we can feel the despair in this shot of the gloomy forest:

There was nothing to even symbolically indicate Rey’s profound sadness/loneliness/despair after Ben dies. She does end up alone in a desert, but this is presented both as a happy event and unrelated to her Force dyad soulmate dying. The return to the desert was also awful, but that’s a rant for another time.

This is also a beautiful and very dramatic shot:

This TFA scene would make me think that Rey cares more about Finn, even after knowing him for a very short time and very superficially, than she does about Ben at the end of the trilogy, if I were to compare her “shrug emoji” reaction to this one. However, I would assume that she cares about someone that she shares a connection that spans across space and time and that she is in love with, and a person she met that day, who is admittedly very likeable and who has helped her, in equal measure, at least.

Like with Han, this is Rey still being concerned after they get back to the Resistance base; she is reaching out to see if Finn is alright:

3 - TLJ

3. Luke’s death

Luke dies in this one. Rey talks about it with Leia, and says that it was peaceful and purposeful, which I believe is meant to, in part, explain why they are both not grieving more than this:

Please keep in mind that what I say in this paragraph is completely within the confines of the movies/the narrative and fantasy - it does not apply to real life. I guess that something along those lines could be applied to Ben’s death in TROS - that it was with a purpose - saving Rey. However, I just cannot compare Luke - who had a much longer life and a much less tormented existence overall, and who sacrificed himself to “right the wrong that he did”, which was “creating Kylo Ren” in the first place - dying to save the Resistance, to his nephew dying after he knew happiness for probably the first time in his life, after decades of abuse. A digression, but here is Luke vs. Ben, who is shaking, around the time when they made the decision to sacrifice themselves:

TROS had one of the most depressing movie endings I have ever seen.

4-5 - TROS

4. Rey accidentally zaps the ship that she thought Chewbacca was in

I have no idea how close Rey and Chewbacca are, but here’s how she reacts when she is convinced that Chewie is dead:

5. Leia

Leia dies and Rey senses it in the Force. This is probably the most miserable we ever see Rey. She has just lost her mother figure - it is difficult to watch:

Ok, now Rey expressing concern for Ben:

1. TFA - planet collapsing

This is a subtle one, and she is either concerned (she left Kylo Ren/Ben to die, injured) or she is intrigued by their meeting and is reflecting on it (some third option is a possibility - for example, she noticed a ship come pick him up):

2. TLJ - Ben explains to Rey that Luke tried to kill him

She calls him a liar, and while she might also be crying because she is shocked to learn such a thing and is disappointed in Luke, she is clearly sad about the whole thing:

3. TLJ - Rey is mad that Luke tried to kill Ben

Rey is protective when it comes to the people (and droids) she cares about. You could argue that in this scene she is angry about all the events that stemmed from “Luke creating Kylo Ren”, and that that’s why she is in fight mode. Still, it’s shown that she has developed some feelings for Ben:

4. TLJ - Rey sees Kylo getting strangled during the Throne room fight:

5. TLJ - The “you are breaking my heart! You are going down a path that I can't follow” moment:

6. TROS - Rey healing Ben

While she is still overwhelmed and crying due to Leia’s passing, Rey turns towards Ben (my interpretation is that she is also wondering what his feelings concerning his mother’s death are, due to their strained relationship) and then looks at his wound:

Rey informs Ben that she wanted to take his hand after she is done healing him:

She shifts from grieving for Leia, to grieving the relationship that she could have had with Ben.

7. TROS - Rey realizing Ben has arrived to help her fight Palpatine

I love this moment ^

I think that all of these moments show that Rey does care about Ben, deeply. These are her reactions to events that are not as final as his death.

And finally - Ben dying:

The way this scene is presented, it really seems that Rey is frowning primarily because she is confused - she doesn’t understand why Ben is acting all weird:

Rey when she comprehends that Ben is dead:

That’s it. There is no screaming, crying, trying to hold him, nothing.

And then

She doesn’t even mention Ben dying to anyone (there is no discussing Luke’s death-type scene). I am presuming that she has to bring it up, and fast, since this is also the Supreme Leader who has just died, she is the only one who knows for certain he is dead, and Rey and all her friends are... politically involved, but this probably happens off-screen then.

I could add that Rey holds a sort of a funeral for Leia and Luke (burying the lightsabers), but that she does not do anything similar for Ben.

If you have made it to the end of the post, please let me know what your thoughts are!

Thanks for reading, This has been therapeutic.

I do not own any of the materials used/any of the characters, entertainment purposes only.

[invisiblegarters]

So Just How Present Has This Ex Been, Anyway?

Out of curiosity to see how much my opinions have evolved about OF and its characters over the course of the series (season?), I've been going back over a bunch of my own posts since the beginning. While I will probably make another post about how wrong I was about some things (and how right about others, I do so love being right and pointing it out), what really struck me in light of all the back and forth about Sand (even if most of it doesn't actually seem to be about him at all, which is darkly hilarious to me in an episode that goes out of its way to highlight how Sand regularly ignores himself to make way for others) is just how early they started laying the groundwork for what's going on with Boeing.

This is an excerpt from something I posted in episode two. Please ignore the part about Ray (I know it's hard but we all have to make some sacrifices here) and think about it for a sec. As early as episode two there was groundwork that was laid down thick enough that I was picking up on it - I say this because I am not exactly the most observant person and I do tend to miss a TON on my first watch of these episodes. There's no background at all given yet, this is entirely based on the way that Sand looks during this "interview". Which is basically like he's Seen Some Shit (as an aside, I just love watching First make expressions and I think Sand is some of his best work. He's just so damn good at conveying so very very much with just the subtlest changes. First what even is your face).

I also noted in this episode that Sand...doesn't talk about himself. That he answers direct questions but he doesn't volunteer information (and I'm getting ahead of myself here but we see this in action again in ep 5 - he says he has dreams but explicitly does not elaborate until Ray asks him directly what his dreams are. At the time I was not as cognizant of that because I was too busy being surprised that Ray would even ask - I had a Ray hating reputation for a reason, guys - but in hindsight (and while thinking about this post) it struck me. We also see him really hesitate before telling Ray about his dad even though it's in response to a direct question (and he doesn't give him the entire truth, as we find out later). It's also the ep where we see Sand treating his own birthday like it's any other day, nothing important).

The second is that there are still times when he's looking at Ray that I don't see fondness, reluctant or otherwise. I see a man assessing how likely it is that the animal in front of him is going to bite. But more and more I am beginning to think I'm delusional because the guarded, emotionally unavailable man I sometimes think I see in Sand is not the one I'm getting in scenes like one in the car after the party

This is not a screenshot because it's in the middle of a paragraph and would look weird but it's from episode 3. Because there was this way Sand had of looking at Ray (you know the one: head tilted, taking him in like he was a bug under a microscope) that made me feel like I was taking crazy pills in between all the ways he was already folding for him at every moment.

But now, with the power of hindsight, it occurs to me that I might have been supposed to be seeing that. I just didn't have the information to know that it wasn't necessarily a reaction to Ray himself but a wariness he might be showing with anyone that he started falling for. Because Ex Trauma. Also I think now we see that in some ways Ray in the beginning especially was very like Boeing - getting into Sand's space regardless of how Sand may feel about it, ignoring Sand's attempts to put him off or tell him no because it's pretty obvious that if he pushes enough Sand will cave, etc - and maybe a part of Sand even registered that and reacted to it. Or maybe he's still just very fucked up from his last relationship and those feelings that he hasn't dealt with are already spilling into this new thing (for what it's worth, the second option feels most right to me).

By episode 4 it was very clear to me, apparently, that Sand had a metric ton of issues surrounding the ex.

Of course it was. That's the episode where Nick plays that far too often used recording. It's the episode where Nick says that compared to Top he feels like nothing, and Sand gets his patented War Flashbacks Look (TM) and says he knows exactly how Nick feels. It's also where we find out exactly what Top did that makes Sand hate him so much: "He stole my ex."

And I remember reading tumblr at the time (for my own sanity I do not have a twitter account and never ever will), as well as a few youtube comments and seeing people taking him to task for that line in particular. And while I agree, it's true you can't own someone so they can't be stolen and Boeing probably left all on his own (very clearly did, as we find out in future eps), to me this was the moment when I realized just how not over the whole thing (and I thought at the time, the ex himself) Sand really was. Because you don't hang onto that kind of anger if you've come to terms with something. And usually (not always but usually), you aren't quite so eager to keep the blame hanging all on the person that the ex left you for if you've moved past what happened. Even if Top actively pursued Boeing knowing that he was with Sand (and as of yet we have zero indication that was the case, and honestly probably won't unless they plan to drag Sand's Boeing Shit into another season), surely some of the blame would have to go on Boeing too, since he was the one who was actually in a relationship? But nope, that's not what Sand's doing, which told me all I needed to know about where his head was at regarding said relationship.

Just putting this here because this was me in episode five. LOL had I known how much the reaction to it would annoy me I might not have been so eager (that is a lie I totally would have I am HERE for what this might be able to do for Sand guys you have no idea).

And if Episode 4 hadn't given me an inkling of where Sand's head was (or very much wasn't) at regarding his ex, episode 6 would have done the thing.

The man is so angry after he speaks with Top in the hospital (after the ex is directly and indirectly brought up) that he goes and straight up steals a sex audio and then uses it to point good old volatile Ray at Top's new relationship like a missile. That was unhinged. Utterly.

And the use of Ray was definitely deliberate. Oh, I know that there are schools of thought that Sand was also trying to torpedo Ray's chances with Mew while he was at it (and I guess that's why so many people were so weirdly smug about RayMew happening and Sand seeing it?), but I don't believe that. I do believe, however, that he knew that giving Ray that information would guarantee Mew would find out, and he had no issues blatantly using him to make that happen...but for me it leads back to Boeing.

Hear me out. I know that everyone was very focused on how Ray was trying to move on from Mew before Boston dropped his bomb and I get that, it makes total sense, but it might help to remember that he wasn't the only one. Here Sand is, taking what he thinks are steady if slow steps to having something real with Ray, letting him in in spite of still being guarded and taking care of those burns he got from Boeing, and then it's dropped in his lap that nope, all that was a farce, this guy he's been focusing on as a real option (maybe the first person he's done that with since Boeing) is in love with someone else and has been all along.

Now I'm not saying that he's correct in thinking this - but I am saying that Sand doesn't have any information that would make him think otherwise (and no, Ray being sweet with him is not it. Ray also made very sure to clarify over and over to Boston that he and Sand were just friends, they weren't like that, etc - whatever reasons he might have for doing it, that's what Sand hears, and he isn't psychic and can't intuit if Ray's lying to save face just in case Sand doesn't like him too or if he's lying because he doesn't want news that he's not entirely single to get back to Mew). At that point Ray didn't even know how he felt, lol, how on earth could Sand be expected to? He's drawing his conclusions based on the evidence he has - filtered through his own biases and past fuck ups, yes, but who isn't guilty of that?

Even though the situations aren't quite the same, it must have felt like Boeing all over again. And I will say until I'm blue in the face that Ray owed Sand nothing at this point, it really doesn't change that. And I completely understand why Sand's reaction was to retreat, to build back up his walls and to decide fuck it, I don't matter so why should he? Didn't matter before, don't matter now. And frankly he was way more upset about the end result than just about anybody else involved save Mew and Top. Possibly Nick. More than anything, what Sand's behavior in episode six told me was that whatever issues he had with the ex, he hadn't dealt with them.

And we've seen zero evidence of that changing. What we do see, over and over, is Sand letting the past affect his present. What we see is him being wary at best even when he has what he's clearly wanted almost this entire time - Ray right there next to him, all in on him and happy to be so. I said this episode that it did not escape my attention that Sand doesn't reciprocate Ray's affectionate words at all - he loves hearing them, but there's a way he responds that reads (to me) as rejection - not of Ray, he'd never, but of fully believing the things Ray's saying to him.

I've said it before and I'm going to say it again now: I do not believe that Sand's hesitation is about Boeing. It has nothing to do with Boeing beyond what Boeing did to him making him gun shy. This isn't a fight between Sand's feelings for Ray and his feelings for Boeing. It's a fight between his feelings about what happened with Boeing and what he wants now with Ray.

What I want, more than anything, is for this to be about Sand. Ray had his whole epiphany, he knows he's in and he's committed. But Sand hasn't had that. Even now there's a part of him that isn't fully in this thing - hence all the not really responding beyond smiles and shakes of his head when Ray's being ridiculous and calling him boyfriend every five seconds and telling him that he's got a mental rolodex of things about Sand, etc. I don't think it's a Ray issue specifically I think it's because he was all in once and not only did it break apart, but it did so in a horrible way, and even though he's moved on from *Boeing* (sorry but if the show wants me to think that he still loves that man it's doing a horrible job of it), he's not moved on from that pain and disappointment. I would love it Boeing pulls double duty once again and not only tests the foundation in this relationship but also breaks Sand out of that particular barrier.

What happened with Boeing has been, to my mind, woven through so much of this drama that I don't even think we need a flashback here. We don't need to see what their dynamic was like to see why Sand is so fucked up right now - it's all been there from the beginning. Sand put off really dealing with his feelings about what happened with Boeing, and now they're here smirking at him and making a bunch of insinuations that Sand has no real defense against. It's not surprising or confounding to me that Sand is dealing with it by trying his best not to deal with it, or that he wants to keep his new, shiny thing untarnished by the past (even though as I've gone to great pains to point out, it already has been). But he's not going to be able to get away with it this time. He has to deal with it in some way.

Personally I hope he deals with it by braining Boeing with his old guitar, but then I do have a violent streak when it comes to fictional characters.

[ootahime]

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga 😈

this series will probably have more than one part because tumblr only lets me upload ten images per post </3

warning: there are disgustingly long paragraphs in here and delusions

chapter 32

utahime’s first introduction!  akutami lets us know right off the bat that she thinks gojo is an idiot (so true).

chapter 32

i love the contrast between miwa and utahime’s reaction to gojo’s appearance.  

chapter 33

NAH BC TELL ME WHY HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO NOT GET HER ONE LMAOOOO!!  when he traveled overseas to meet with yuta, he picked up the tribal protection charms and thought to himself, “let’s get enough for the kyoto students as a gift since i am such a great and caring teacher, after all.  mmm, i should skip utahime to make her mad~”  this guy puts way too much effort into getting on her nerves.  his mind = utahime brainrot

chapter 33

she’s laughing at him here because he’s getting disciplined for being a lil shit.  i wonder...what would he say if he saw her laughing at him like that?  

chapter 33

this interaction between them is a little strange don’t you think?   i feel like over the years he’s learned how to pick up her mood based on the way she’s acting towards him.  you’re probably thinking, “well any person can figure out how a person’s feeling based on the way they’re talking or acting.”  yes, that’s absolutely true, but it’s kind of different with this.  she’s acting normal.  utahime has a rather indifferent expression on her face and what she says is spoken in a calm tone, but gojo still asks her if she’s mad at him.  it’s likely that he knows her well enough to be able to notice these subtle things.  even if she wasn’t actually mad at him, he was being considerate for a split second, then he went and said, “of course.  i didn’t do anything wrong and all.”  what a guy LOLOL.  to me, this implies that maybe he made her genuinely angry in the past to the point where he realized that he went too far, and thus decided to be more careful of her feelings.  she has definitely gotten annoyed at him so many times after that so whenever she seems angry, he probably asks himself if he took it too far.  i’m curious to see if he can pick up if she’s upset with something that’s not involving him.  would he console her?  how does gojo satoru console someone?  

despite him always annoying her, she’s still courteous and brings him a cup of tea during their talk.  she didn’t have to go out of her way to get tea for him but she did.  that’s the kind of person utahime is.  a kind and caring woman who would never put her students in danger.  in the anime they were sitting far away and not facing each other like they’re doing in the manga.  she also has her own tea cup.  i think that little panel of her placing the cup down on the table and him picking it up to take a sip is a nice little detail.  it just proves that her hating him most of the time isn’t actually pure hatred but annoyance because of his shenanigans and teasing.

chapter 33

i touched upon this a little bit in my previous post, but i wish to go more in depth about this panel.  first of all, he ends the sentence with her name twice.  two times too many, mr. gojo.  i like how they can be serious with each other too LOL.  i wish we got to see them talk about the traitors because they did figure it out together after all.  does it always end in bickering?  can they interact with each other like adults all the way through?  somehow, i feel like that’s not possible when it comes to these two.  furthermore, notice how gojo confides in utahime about his suspicions.  from what we know, she is the first person he brought it up to.  i mean, i guess he has to start investigating the schools and would need extra assistance to save time, but he could have done it himself if he really wanted to.  by deciding to ask for her help we know that he thinks she’s trustworthy, smart, and strong enough to face whatever considerable risks this task may entail.  

i didn’t point this out in my other posts but see how he makes a hand sign in the last panel when she throws the cup at him?  gojo is manually activating his infinity.  why though?  about a year after the whole star plasma vessel incident happened, gojo develops the ability to keep his infinity up at all times by using the reversed curse technique to consistently heal himself to prevent exhaustion.  this means that it really makes no difference whether he leaves it on or off.  there are a few times where we can witness someone actually touching gojo.  for example, yuuji giving him a hug.  did he turn his infinity off, or was it able to deduce that yuuji was not a threat?  the erasers and pencils shoko and geto threw at him during his demonstration of his new ability aren’t dangerous normally, but is it the speed that makes them dangerous?  even if it did hit him, it wouldn’t hurt.  how does the infinity know when to allow an incoming object to touch gojo?  i believe it is up to gojo himself to let things touch him; his infinity restricts anything and anyone.  some people say it could just be the fact that water is not dangerous to him, so therefore, he has to manually put his infinity up.  i thought this was a reasonable explanation as to why he put up the hand sign when the tea was thrown at him, but then i realized that it couldn’t be.  remember the second opening?  it’s raining and everyone is carrying an umbrella, then it pans to gojo with a bouquet in his hand and rain drops slipping off his infinity.  if he DID manually put his infinity up to prevent getting soaked then that implies that he chose to turn his infinity off.  you can argue and say that jujutsu high is a safe place with students so there’s no need to have his infinity there, but do you remember when he stepped on the ants in front of gakuganji and yaga?  the ants were perfectly fine after which insinuates that his infinity prevented his shoes from crushing the ants.  he most likely had his infinity on during the baseball game even though he was in a safe environment.  how does this long tangent relate back to utahime?  well, it simply indicates that gojo trusts utahime so much to the point where he can be vulnerable around her.  turning off his infinity symbolizes completely letting down his guard  in a way.  

how about what happens next?  utahime throws the tea at him, he turns on his infinity to deflect it, and he responds with, “scary!  hysteric women aren’t popular, you know!”  why would he even say that LMAO??  utahime doesn’t even try to deny what he said either.  she just hits him with the good old, “i am your senpai!”  could it be that he’s trying to poke fun of her relationship status?  maybe, maybe not.  doesn’t he like people a lil crazy?  he did say that all jujutsu sorcerers have to be a little crazy because they’re willing to put themselves in danger constantly.  

chapter 0 p.1

i wonder who he’s thinking of when he said that.  could it be utahime?  it seems like he’s reminiscing or thinking about someone.  he wears an amused expression on his face as he laughs - almost like he’s seen his fair share of how scary women can get :>>

chapter 34

the pattern behind gojo and utahime is called yagasuri “fletching,” a traditional japanese design.  this design is inspired by arrow fletching.  it's a lucky charm for weddings and other celebrations since it's based on the Japanese belief that an arrow shot once never comes back.  brides were given kimonos with this pattern for good luck during the edo era (1603–1868) to ensure they would not have to return to their original family home.  this pattern can have numerous meanings such as steadfastness or determination to achieve a goal, or a wish for the happiness of the bride.  there is a belief that a bow and arrow represent the fight against evil.  honestly, this meaning fits the narrative of the story.  utahime and gojo are unearthing the traitors that are feeding intel to the curse users and cursed spirits.  they are in the middle while the kyoto students surround them, which could mean that it’s their job as adults to protect these children from the grasps of evil slowly making itself more prominent.  do you also notice that the arrows are pointed toward utahime from gojo?  from all the images i’ve seen, the arrows are usually pointed downward.  what could this mean?  is gojo trying to protect her (in the future (?)) or does he have a big fat crush smh...

i think it’s a good time to mention utahime’s clothing.  she’s wearing miko attire.  miko are shrine maidens who were once thought to be shamans (you connecting the dots?).  in their service to shrines, miko used to perform spirit possession and takusen (in which the possessed person acts as a "medium" (yorimashi) to communicate the divine will or message of that kami (god) or spirit; also included in the category of takusen is "dream revelation" (mukoku), in which a kami appears in a dream to communicate its will).  this was back in the old days, of course.  to become a miko back then (shaman), one needed to have potential.  neurosis, hallucinations, odd behavior, and hysteria (HYSTERIA HELLO???) are some of the signs that a person is being called to shamanism.  when a miko is communicating with a kami (god) or spirit by acting as a medium, she is in a trance-like state, and so she must learn techniques to control herself when this happens.  chanting and dancing were used to accomplish this, so the girl was taught melodies and intonations that were used in songs, prayers, and magical formulas.  all of this could give us insight about utahime’s technique and explains why she’s good at singing :)  maybe she can’t control herself when she uses her technique which is why she isn’t shown using it because it should be used for dire situations.  i imagine being possessed by a spirit or god must consume a lot of cursed energy.  it makes sense that utahime and gakuganji wear traditional clothing.  they’re the staff of jujutsu high’s kyoto branch.  in chapter 0, kyoto is known as the sacred land of jujutsu.  it’s more traditional compared to tokyo.  if you want to learn more about miko, you should check out the wikipedia page!  

chapter 34

i swear he tries to annoy her every chance he gets.  i bet he sets a goal for himself to see how many times utahime lectures him about respecting his seniors every time he’s within the same vicinity as her.  at least he called her utahime-sensei!!!

chapter 40

this isn’t even a gojohime moment tbh...i just wanted to share a pic of them sitting next to each other HEHE.  why are they sitting next to each other anyway?  it’s not like they have assigned seating.

----

that was so long and i apologize for the gargantuan paragraphs you guys had to read through.  i’m writing this at 4 in the morning and i’m feeling borderline delirious so i apologize if there are any errors.  i’ll edit this when i have time <3

the next part should come shortly.

[palettes-and-prompts]

Character Palette/Personality Palette

If I have seen the movie/show/or whatever this character is in I will let you know! But if I haven't I'm just gonna give my best guess to their personality or what I think they like and everything. I will make them two palettes, one based on their appearance and one based on what I think their personality is. If you'd rather not see this just block the tag "character palette and personality guess" I figure no one's tagging anything like that so it should be easy to filter out. If you genuinely like this character and I roast them please understand this is all for fun and it’s just a joke. If you wanna send me a character for a palette and my guess at their personality/interests just drop it on anon or off anon and I'll see what I can do.

Alright so this is Barnaby Brooks Jr. from the anime/manga Tiger and Bunny. I've never watched this, might watch it but probably not. Let's get into it.

He looks annoying. I only need to see him in this outfit and I already know he's a rule follower. This guy's got, like, such a lawyer kind of energy, you know? But not the fun and sexy Elle Woods kind of lawyer energy or like chaotic and fun Ace Attorney energy but like, the frustrating Law and Order:SVU kind of lawyers. Putting that aside I'd like to take a moment to talk about his outfit. I hate it. There's so much going on. The jacket that I doubt he's wearing a shirt under? The necklace? I don't like it. I hate it, the boots just don't feel right and don't even get me started on the belt. I just know whoever he lives with hates him because I personally would never let someone I love walk out of the house wearing something like this. Atrocious. Something about knowing that the belt has like two little metal pieces you've got to put through the holes, it just feels like too much work for a belt that's not even tying the outfit together. He looks like he's about to point to his meal and tell me the kitchen made his entree too spicy or something. I don't think he's ever enjoyed a meal in his life. He's never had that Ratatouille strawberry and cheese moment and it shows. I know he doesn't season his food, he’s got no spices in his cabinets I just know it. Something about that foot stance is telling me everything. Unseasoned food, bland taste. He's mean but in a bitchy way that tells me he's got perfect handwriting. I know his parents sent him to summer camps every year, I feel it. And they were all really lame camps parents just dropped their kids off at so they didn’t have to deal with them.  He’s definitely a mama’s boy too or if his mom’s dead he used to be. Now he’s got like a complicated relationship with his dad who doesn’t hate him he just doesn’t talk to him. God, I just know he was a fucking dinosaur kid, I can just sense it somehow. The first time he saw Night at the Museum he lost his mind and thought about it every day. He's not wearing a lab coat but I can see one on him. He looks like he'd give Spider-Man a hard time, such a villain’s assistant kind of energy about him. I wish he had been given a better outfit I feel like I'm just dragging him but I genuinely can't see anything fun about him, maybe it's because he's wearing red and I hate red. Jesus, I just got a good look at his actual pants. You know those things don't have good storage space. You can't put shit in those pockets, fuckin look at them. Queer eye needs to be called, this man needs assistance. His theme song is Left Brain, Right Brain by Bo Burnham. And he's definitely left brain while whoever he's paired up with is definitely right brain.

Anyway here's his palette based on his character design.

And here is his palette based on what I think his personality is.

So, I know I don't need to say this, I've already wrote that these character palettes are jokes but I feel the need to add this because the last time I made a Tiger and Bunny post somebody felt the need to message me paragraphs about how I'd ruined their day by tagging the Tiger and Bunny post with ‘Tiger and Bunny’, you know, the name of the show. So I'll say it again, these are jokes. Please don't message me some long paragraph about how I ruined your day with my post. If you don't want to see it just block me.  Or you can just hide the tag ’character palette and personality guess’ and you wont even have to see these again if you just want regular prompts and palettes. It takes like, thirty seconds.

[flyinglotus777]

Netflix’s Squid Game

SPOILER ALERT! If you are interested in watching the series, I HIGHLY suggest you do so. This article will be an overall synopsis and my review of the show. For an in-depth analysis of the symbolism of the show and ending, scroll down to the fourth to last paragraph.

The Netflix show, “Squid Game,” written and directed by Hwang Dong-hyuk is a phenomenal Korean drama centered around our victor, Seong Gi-hun, played by Lee Jung-jae. Contestants were recruited to play in a life or death competition due to their lack of luck, financial knowledge, and influx of impending debt they have accumulated throughout their lives. We first meet Gi-hun as he is down on his luck. Living with his elderly, overworked mother (which in countries outside of the United States is not strange nor uncommon) Gi-hun was a friend to gambling, but that toxic love caused him to be in debt to a gang of (what seemed to be) loan sharks. When luck finally strikes him on the race track, life simultaneously decides to take an excrement on his reality. His debt seekers catch him on his hot streak and involuntarily sign him up to be a participant in the Squid Game.

Similar to many other of the 456 participants, they all shared a common denominator of being in situations it seemed only money could fix. Upon arrival the contestants were asked to voluntarily sign wavers in order to participate in the game, while unknowingly risking their lives, for the opportunity to win 456 billion won (which would be roughly over $3.5 million in US currency). The challenges were mostly based on nostalgic childhood games, both based in the United States and South Korea.

Now I knew due to the explanation in the introduction of episode one that if any player were to lose, they would die. So during the first challenge of red light green light, when players were bulletly penalized for losing I was not surprised. After the game, the players decided to rally together and quit playing. The influence of the cash prize split the decision down the middle, leaving the old man, player 1, to be the final decision. To my surprise he actually chose to decline, freeing all of the players. During the voting, many players screamed at each other as to why they would choose to stay in the hell hole as other players responded that the outside world was not any better if not the same as the harsh environment they were already in. This reality struck many contestants as they returned back to their reality of debt, dependents, and for some bounty hunts, thus resulting in them returning to the game.

During the whole season, I was trying to find the purpose of these games. We knew why the participants felt motivated to play, but I wondered what was the purpose of having them fight for their lives in the first place. When the PlayStation faced soldiers forced the doctor (player 111) to dissect the bodies for organs to sell at the black market, at first I thought that it was what the original game maker wanted which I thought was genius. Soon to learn that it was actually a violation to a code of equality that was placed inside the arena applying to all of those who existed, soldiers and participants alike. Which struck me as odd due to the soldiers being able to tote guns and wear masks based on their own hierarchy and the participants being collectively isolated and given numbers as if it was a remake of the Stanford Prison experiment. Nonetheless many soldiers faced the same fate as the players, and my pondering would meet the solution come the finale.

Let’s discuss players. I only favored Gi-hun because he was the protagonist, but throughout the story he grew on me as his big heart prevailed through the madness. I knew Choo Sang-woo, the embezzling business man and hometown friend of Gi-hun played by Park Hae-soo, was a psychopath when I saw him in a fully filled bathtub with his suit on. Running from the police, in debt or not, that’s just as much of a red flag for serial killer tendencies as sleeping with socks on or having too thin and highly arched eyebrows. The episode that he crossed Ali, the father of one from Pakistan with the missing fingers, made me hate Sang-woo for the rest of the series. I was infuriated and frustrated with Ali for being that naïve to believe that they could escape the round as a duo, but understood his perspective since up until that point Sang-woo was a dependable, trusted ally to Ali. However after that episode I didn’t care who won, I was just ready for Sang-woo to die.

Kang Sae-byeok, the skeptical and beautiful warrior from North Korea played by Jung Ho-yeon, deserves her own paragraph. Along with her beauty, her presence and demeanor was so bad ass. She was thrifty and intelligent, as her talent being pick pocketing. I was waiting for her to just be so bad ass. As the punk disguised to be gangster, Jang Deok-su, pushed her around which seemed to be normal behavior between the two, I was ready for Sae-byeok to twist his arm, send a plunging round house kick to his nuts, and cut his snake tattoo right off of his face. Although her exterior was tough, her heart was made of malleable gold which we got to see as she opened up to her female companion during the marble challenge and sobbed from her loss afterwards. Although she was not the killer bad ass queen I had wanted her to be, I still call her a warrior because of her resiliency throughout life’s and the game’s many obstacles and her drive to provide her younger brother with a better life.

Thankfully Deok-su got what he deserved as Han Mi-nyeo poetically decided to take both of their lives during the glass challenge. “You said we would be together till the end,” she said before diving into her inevitable death with her short lived lover. Mi-nyeo was incredibly annoying as I would often pinch the inside corners of my eyes and scratch my eyebrows when she would appear. However that crazy bitch served justice, and I love her for that.

I was highly disappointed by the demise of the detective Hwang Jun-ho, played by the handsome Wi Ha-joon. I was rooting for detective Jun-ho, as I’m sure we all were, on his pursuit to find his brother. I was not surprised that his brother was Front Man, as I had suspected that his brother must’ve died or been apart of the game making due to his absence in real life and the current game. After discovering his brother was the victor of his year, to me it only made sense that he would be apart of the game enforcement. As we saw from Gi-hun, a normal life is impossible to live after experiencing something so traumatic as a series of death ridden children games. However I was saddened and surprised that detective Jun-ho was unsuccessful in closing down the whole operation. I mean the man was close to performing forced, aristocratic fellatio in the name of serving and protecting the law. I truly thought because he had gotten so far and was so close to exposing the operation that the only choice he had was to be successful. At last he was shot and killed by his own blood, the one he had been looking for; providing us with a cinematic and heart jerking ending to detective Jun-ho.

Lastly lets discuss the old man, player 001 named O Yeong-su, whom I also nicknamed Poppy during the series. Deceivingly innocent and weak, I genuinely liked Yeong-su throughout the game play. I thoroughly enjoyed his relationship with Gi-hun and saw him as a valuable player in most instances. I believe he was one of the main reasons that Gi-hun continued to lead with his heart. Gi-hun claimed that Yeong-su was the reason he returned to the games and later found out that Yeong-su was the reason there were games in the first place. The climatic episode of the marble challenge was when their relationship had been defined as “gganbu” (which is a term for trusted, close friends in Korean, as explained in the series), thus Yeong-su establishing a special place in Gi-hun’s heart. During the challenge, Yeong-su begins to have an episode of what we all assumed to be dementia as the arena they are playing in is designed like his old neighborhood and he abandons the game to take a trip down memory lane. Gi-hun screams in frustration at the old man to play with him only to end up losing in their even and odd game and resulting in deceit, tricking the old man to let him be the victor. Now if I was Gi-hun, I would’ve convinced Yeong-su to let me hold his marbles for safe keeping and let him have a fun time reminiscing on his life while he ran down the clock. Then when it was time, I would’ve turned in all 20 marbles just as Sang-woo did and went about my business. It would’ve only been right for the old man to forfeit as he was already on his death bed, or so we innocently thought. Before I get into the ending, I want to talk about the last match between Sang-woo and Gi-hun.

Finally, the last game to see who would be victorious in a highly anticipated game of Squid between Gi-hun and Sang-woo. It seemed as if it were a battle between good vs evil; Gi-hun representing a more benevolent side as he would often optimistically look to help other competitors and extend the kindness he had been shown versus Sang-woo who represented a more vindictive and ruthless side, determined to hurt anyone in order to receive his highly coveted and long awaited prize in an arena that erased any foundation of morals or ethics as soon as the light turned red. Luck was on Gi-hun’s side as he had the opportunity to play offense. With a cunning mind and a vengeance for Sae-byeok’s death, Gi-hun delivered a can of whoop ass to his opponent. As the saying goes, the good shall always prevail. Perhaps his heart was too pure as Gi-hun halted from crossing the finish line and offered Sang-woo a chance to live, thus forfeiting the prize money. Needless to say, I applauded when Sang-woo committed suicide as it was the only right thing to do in his position.

A year passed by and Gi-hun seemed worse than before. Physically his style was bummy wealthy, a look pioneered by Bill Gates, but mentally he was in shambles. How could you blame him? Gi-hun discovered that the responsible party for these horrendous events was none other than his ggangbu, old man Yeong-su. The biggest, jaw dropping plot twist of the entire series. As they were joined on Christmas Eve and Yeong-su on his death bed, they placed one final bet on an assumed to be drunken, homeless man who sat on the streets as it snowed and waited for help to arrive. Yeong-su explained how he actually wanted to help people and give his money to people who needed it, but wanted to do it in an “entertaining way.” As Gi-hun flared with outrage towards the old man for finding amusement in killing people, the old man rebutted using horse races as an example of people’s amusement. Yeong-su also said he participated in the games because it was more fun to play than to be a spectator, which I had noticed him treating the competition as if it were adult summer camp. I had just assumed since he was old, he didn’t care if he had died or not.

I think most people will think that this show was a metaphor about how money and rich people are evil. However I think it can be seen as commentary on society as a whole, not just the wealthy. Yeong-su says on his death bed that it’s a test of humanity, and asks Gi-hun if he still has faith in humanity after what he has experienced. Although money was the luring motivator to win the game, people still chose to return to the competition to escape their problems. Sure, money was apart of their problems as all of the players (excluding Yeong-su) were in debt, but that was due to choices that they had made. Whether it had been through embezzling, gambling, lack of luck, or financial ignorance, it was the people who had gotten themselves into those situations. Money doesn’t have a personal vendetta against anyone nor does it have an inherent quality of good or evil. Money is a neutral energy used to be exchanged for goods and services. It’s people who designate that energy to their humane or inhumane desires.

Leading to the next point of the wealthy and how they are seen to be evil due to having wealth. Although I do believe that there are some wealthy people who act as villains, money didn’t create the villain inside of them. Those people were going to behave maliciously whether they have money or not. The VIPs, who were spectating the finale of challenges, were tied to a bank devoted to the wealthy and gambled on the competitors who played (and most likely helped subsidize the events). We place judgement on them, but as Yeong-su said, people gamble on horse races. Although people are not animals and by my knowledge I don’t believe most or any horses die during these races, it is still the principle of watching an entity being tortured for amusement, which is not only confined to the wealthy population. When the concept of killing and tormenting living breathing beings for amusement is normalized within society, the lines begin to blur on who is okay to perform and who is not. Take the audience of this show for example, we all watched a show where hundreds of people were mercilessly killed for the desire of winning a cash prize for our own amusement, thus making “Squid Game” the number one show on Netflix at the moment. Although the show is fictional and brilliantly written, this Hunger Games concept is not new. We come in contact again and again with the idea of people who are disadvantaged given an opportunity to better their lives through inhumane means, including risking their own lives or actively sacrificing the life of another, and being spectators on the edge of our seats who can’t seem to look away. It is no different than a Roman gladiator match in a grand colosseum, which in modern day would be a MMA fight at the MGM hotel. We blame it on the rich who are ridiculed for creating these events, but at the end of the day it is the people, rich,poor, and everyone in between, who continue to still go along with it and to some extent desire it. Which makes me question, what does that say about humanity, and do I actually have faith in us? Although Gi-hun went through hell and back, he still remained pure of heart and used his wealth to enhance his life and those around him; proving that wealthy people can still be benevolent and desire righteous good. Similar to Gi-hun, the optimist in me wants to believe that there are still people in this world with good hearts, but I guess we just have to wait until the time comes to see.

Ultimately the show was phenomenal, and definitely sparked a desire inside of me to watch more Korean dramas. I don’t think the show will have a second season. Simply because I think the story line would be better cut off there, thus leaving the audience always wanting more. However if season 2 ever comes out, I’m ready for Gi-hun to take a Liam Neeson approach to ending the Squid Game and hopefully with a beard. Thank you for reading my article. I know it was incredibly lengthy. I have just finished the season after a 2 day binge watch, and have a lot of emotions and thoughts ruminating in my brain. Let me know what you think of the show and what you think of the article. Did anyone else notice the paintings of the games on the walls of the dormitory?

God bless.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 5

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be lots of Viren deets, Best Boy Soren deets, some writing/continuity stuff, worldbuilding appreciation and half of a theory, Detective Rayla, Moon Temple geeking, Claudium and dark magic, and more!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

(I know for darn sure that I wrote up a post for chapter 4, but I can't find it anywhere so I guess Tumblr ate it and I'll have to redo it at some point, but today is not that day)

Viren, my evil dude, my bad guy, coming in clutch with the worldbuilding and backstory again! If you want to know decades of information, you gotta talk to Viren. Or read his scenes, at least. Here, he seems to not sleep much when he has a big problem to analyze his way through. Solutions trump pretty much everything else in this guy's life, and he's had a really hard week with a lot of new and complicated problems. Of course he's getting sleep-deprived trying to find his way through them all.

Harrow put so much trust in Viren when he made him High Mage! He just threw himself extra hard at that Lady Justice blindfold, didn't he? Didn't really want to see what Viren was doing in his magic study, so he left Viren to his devices. And Viren has a lot of devices.

Also, this is fascinating: Viren made the secret passage to his "less official study" in Katolis Castle! And he was inspired to do so by the way his own mentor kept the Puzzle House. What else could a Puzzle House be, except a place with secret passages? Yay! secret headcanon that "the Puzzle House" is just "Katolis Castle" from Kid Viren's perspective tho

So either Viren built all of those passageways, or at least the ones to his dungeon. Which means he has to have, or know where to get, a stash of those glowing blue Moonshadow crystals. Hmmm.

I can't wait to learn more about Kpp'Ar and young Viren, btw. From this description of Viren and all his literal secret ways, it feels like another parallel between Viren and Runaan, with the whole "secretive paths, members only, insider knowledge" type stuff. Only the really cool members of this cult club get to know the secrets, and guess what, kid, you're cool now but you can never tell anyone, okay? Our secret.

Yeahhh, that'll never backfire in any way for either of them.

Kpp'Ar calling puzzles and secrets "man-made magic," though. Yes sir, knowledge is indeed power.

This chapter mentions Runaan by name, from Viren's perspective. Generally that would imply that Viren knows his name, even though assassins do not share their names, and Runaan didn't seem to give his to Viren in the first book. However, there was a scene in book one where the last paragraph switched perspective from Viren to Runaan - a technique that's very common in visual media like movies and shows and gives you that "ohoho they left the room and didn't notice this, but you do!" vibe. Using Runaan's name there in book one, where Viren couldn't see it but readers could, helps them keep track of the assassin's story arc while maintaining Viren's racism.

So in book two, in which Runaan has no onscreen scenes (alas), using his name in a scene that calls back to the events in book one helps us remember what happened in that dungeon cell. It would be a bit muddier to recall the specifics if Viren kept thinking about Runaan as "Elf." So I'm cool with the perspective nudge because it serves a narrative purpose: clarity. But I'm also enjoying the angst of considering that, somehow, Viren learned Runaan's name either during or after the coining spell. Mwa ha ha haaa. (Obligatory "Keep my pretty name outta your mouth" goes here)

Okay, back to Viren's scheming! He took the mirror because it was human-sized in a dragon lair. He knew it didn't really fit there, and that made it interesting, so he stole it. But he realized it was really powerful when Runaan wouldn't tell him squat about it - the assassin's instinct to protect Xadian secrets from human hands meant that Viren was holding a very powerful Xadian secret. And that just made him want it all the more. Ah, Runaan, if only your relationship with lying was, like, the exact opposite of what it is. Nyx could've spun Viren a believable tale in 2 minutes flat.

Also of interest: Viren considers his cursed coins to be a final fate. He expects Runaan to remain in his coin forever. With the Chekhov's coins still extant in the storyline, we can assume that they'll come up again eventually, but Viren has no current plans to do anything with his elf money except carry it around.

It's worth noting that Viren admits that he got impatient when he trapped Runaan in the coin. Runaan's first fate in Katolis was supposed to be death at Soren's hands, but Claudia "saved" him from that. His next fate was to become spell components, but Viren's frustration with his stubbornness "saved" him from that fate, too. So now he's in a coin, where no one can chop him up at all. Yay? No, boo!

We get one last line about Runaan before Viren shifts gears: he makes a point of noting for us that Runaan's shackles are still locked shut. However much of Runaan made it into that coin - body, soul, hair care products - he was magicked there, pulled right out of his restraints.

The creepy black liquid that Viren pours right into his eyes is the last of a powerful potion he got from Kpp'Ar, and its recipe is ancient! Humans used it back in the age of Elarion to see through the illusions of the world. And we get a delightfully creepy bit of description about the preparation of this serum, which makes it abundantly clear that it's a Moon magic-based concoction, harvested from eyeless vipers on a moonless night, with the threat of irrevocable madness ("madness" by whose definition, though) if it's done wrong-

Hang on. Hold up. This is a Plato's Cave reference. OH MY GOD.

No no I'm fine, this is brilliant. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't figure why there was so much description for a potion prep that Viren didn't even have to perform himself. But now I get it. I see the light. HA. I should make a separate post for this, it's amazing.

Anyway, for reference, the humans who used this serum were called the Oracles of Ophidia, and Ophidia is a taxonomy group that includes all modern snakes. Can you say "creepy ancient snake rites"? I can! Woo!

Viren activates the serum with a spell, but apparently he's never done it before. He's not sure if it's supposed to be hot and bubbly, and he worries that it's been tainted by moonlight.

Oh, I do hope so.

The magic potion hurts, a lot. Viren will do just about anything, to himself or anyone, to do what he believes is necessary. He just risked madness and blindness to find out what this mirror does! Viren. Can you just. Take a nap or something. Have a Snickers.

This chapter gives us a fun clue that I don't remember from the show: when Viren's vision clears and he can see, his reflection has white pupils and the room reflected in the mirror has inverted colors. You know where else has inverted colors?

You know who else got white pupils for a hot second?

Okay, now it makes sense! Viren and Lujanne were both seeing into the realm beyond life and death. Him with his moon magic potion, and her with her moon powers on a full moon night at the Moon Nexus. Which is Very Interesting! Is it a direct hint about Aaravos's location, or just a separate cool detail? Orrr, does it look like a direct hint because Aaravos is actually trapped in the world beyond life and death, but it's actually separate and we'll see something about white pupils again later on?

Viren really does have self-esteem issues, we all picked up on it with his rant at his reflection. He throws a fit when he catches himself wondering if he's actually worthless. In the book version of his tantrum, he shoves the mirror and hurls a candelabra instead of flipping a table. He didn't need to shove the mirror to set the fire, but it's in here. Foreshadowing that perhaps, if push comes to shove, Viren will choose himself over Aaravos? Giving Aaravos time to peek through and see that the coast is clear?

Soren, my boyyyyy. He has a rough night at the Moon Nexus because two sides of him are fighting with each other. He struggles to understand Callum's friendship with Rayla, and he also fantasizes about chopping off Rayla's head. One of these is a pretty ordinary thing to do. The other is Soren's internalization of what he needs to do to gain his father's approval. If he brought his dad a chopped off elf head every week, he'd probably feel a lot more confident because Viren would praise him a lot more.

Okay, okay, omg, is it just me, or does the "Moonshadow Madness" story, as it's told in the book, seem like Soren just doesn't know what a monsterfucker is? He thinks an elf bite puts humans under a spell. But vampires are sexy, and some people want them to do more to them than just bite them. A passionate kiss under the moonlight could look very bitey, especially if one of the participants has horns and you're already culturally trained to hate them. No yeah, I'm already headcanoning an actual human-elf kiss that got misunderstood by an observer long ago.

it's Lujanne isn't it, we all know, because what is a love spell but a sweet soft illusion, I mean how else does she get supplies for her Caldera, I ask you, and also Corvus was totally sent to investigate once and he told Soren at camp what he saw

And then back to magefam angst: Soren pretending that his sister's nose-tapping is stupid, even though he actually thinks it's cool, just because their dad thinks it's stupid. Viren, istg. Let your kids like harmless things. It's so cute that Soren taps his nose back at her, though! Like they have their own sibling code. I hope we get to see the nose tap again, especially now that they've chosen different sides. It could mean so much, that they're not too far apart yet.

Rayla knows what buttery pancakes smell like. I love this. Do Moonshadow elves have butter and pancakes, does Rayla eat a stack of eight giant pancakes in the morning? Orrrr it is just illusion food? I don't care, let Rayla have pancakes! Everyone loves pancakes. Pancakes will save the world. this message brought to you by the fact that I can't eat pancakes rn, send help

I love that Rayla is both sus of the pancakes and hungry, and that combines into a very motivated "I will get to the bottom of this" attitude. She kind of goes into Poirot Mode when she inserts herself into Soren and Ellis's conversation about Ava, explaining about the wolf's illusion leg and segueing into her claim that the pancakes taste sus. Claudia confirms she used dark magic, and Rayla is furious. It's different than the show's version in that it puts Rayla in detective mode, as the only Moonshadow elf in the scene, and boy does she take that role seriously. Also, she doesn't actually swallow the dark magic pancake bite. It ends up on the ground just like Lujanne's grubs from that earlier meal. These poor kids are so nutrient-starved. You guys gotta eat!!

Rayla's determination and prejudices and the fact that she super knows Harrow is dead all dovetail to make her try repeatedly to persuade Callum that Soren and Claudia are Not To Be Trusted. It's nice that the book keeps taking the time to point out that Rayla is Well Intentioned But Flawed, just like Callum and pretty much every other character in the show. No one is Right All The Time, no one Knows More Than Everyone Else.

Callum loving the sound of Claudia's unique voice is so wholesome. When you like someone, it only makes sense that you like all the things about them that they can't change - like the sound of Claudia's voice. Her choices with dark magic, not so much!

Claudia seems to have the same concerns Soren does about Callum's relationship with Rayla, but she comes out and asks him. The inherent possession implied in "your elf" is interesting, though. Elves are not people to Claudia. They're enemies who can be disassembled for the magic inside them. So maybe more like robots than living beings, if she knew what a robot was. Maybe she heard Soren's "Moonshadow Madness" story and realized he totally missed the kissing implications - but she didn't, and now she's genuinely worried that Rayla could kiss Callum under a full moon and enchant him to do her will. Good thing it's only a half moon, then!

Okay, Callum nervously making a puppet hand and then not knowing what to do with his hands and freaking out about itching and moving and pointy elbows is such a ND mood. The sudden stress of knowing that someone else is noticing your existence and maybe you're Not Existing Right, amirite? Ugh, poor Callum.

The Moon Temple! Omg it's so pretty in the description! Made to be beautiful and useful, full of knowledge but also allowing light and life inside (butterflies and vines). Lujanne, when can I move in, please? Also, it's all the more angsty because Lujanne is the only one who gets to see this beautiful place, but it has lots of chairs and shelves and tables, and it was meant to be used by lots of people. :(((

Claudia knows some of the runes on the walls. She isn't in a hurry to copy the rest of them down or anything, either. Her spellwriting is very precise, and she's a skilled mage. Her father would have made sure she was aware of the dangers of drawing sloppy runes, as much as he made her aware of the dangers of doing dark magic wrong. And the whole point of dark magic is that it's easier to learn than primal magic. Claudia supports her dad and their shared knowledge and life path. She's not gonna go nuts over an elf library she can't translate.

Side note: Between Claudia knowing some Moon runes and Viren building a secret passageway and a dungeon and lighting it with the same blue crystals that Lujanne and Ethari use for light--and Claudia exclaiming that she loves ruins--I wonder once more if there are really Moonshadow ruins somewhere in Katolis, which Viren has found and looted. Father-daughter relic hunting trip, maybe while Soren is away at camp? Omgsh that would be so wild!

Callum out here having a Viren moment with his "I feel powerless unless I've got magic that lets me help" vibes. God. I love their complicated mirroring. One of the hard differences between them is that Callum is very sure dark magic is bad because you have to kill stuff and take its power to cast spells, and he doesn't want to be a person who kills and takes like that. The line he walks to be nice to Claudia on their tour of the Cursed Caldera because he likes her, while telling her that he doesn't want to do her magic, like, ever, is so fine that it might as well be a shifting shadow on the ground. It's a very fitting conversation to be having during the half moon, with its tricks and little white lies.

Callum being out of the castle and his comfort zone, having to deal with the fact that the Claudia he loves is not quite the Claudia who's chasing him down across the kingdom, but of the two of them, he's the only one with a problem with this.

They say that if you really want to get to know someone, you should spend time with them outside their comfort zone - in heavy traffic, with a small baby, taking care of a new pet, trying a new skill, following unfamiliar directions, etc. While the castle is familiar territory for them both, Callum's never really found his comfort zone yet, while Claudia is pretty comfortable with her growing skill set. The creepy part starts to kick in when Callum begins to realize that Claudia's comfort zone encompasses a whole bunch of stuff that seems like it should make her uncomfortable... but it doesn't. But that'll be for a future chapter!

[dearanemone]

Where did you get your inspiration for Linger?

Hi! This is a very good question but also a very complex one, because I feel like the actual draft of Linger that I've been posting has been stewing inside my mind since forever. So I'll try to split everything in points.

The Game: The idea of the game was something I've wanted to write about since I first watched Jeux d'enfants when I was like 12, but it was only with Damen/Laurent that I thought I could make it work. A game of dares to disguise the fact that they were in love and couldn't tell each other because the timing was never right? Hell yeah.

The Pace: I loved the idea of telling a story throughout the span of the character's lifetime, which also happens in the novel (and film) One Day and in Normal People -- another book with a fantastic tv adaptation by the BBC. (Other good references include The Way We Were and Love Story.)

Relationships: Closer and Scenes From a Marriage had a major influence too when it came to unhealthy relationships and coping mechanisms. Then there was also The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby on loss, grief and healing.

Music: I'm a very musical person more than I am a writer or a reader. I loved writing a music-based story like Étude and I needed more of it. (Songwriters!AU is still a thing, someday, somehow) Linger by the Cranberries has been my favourite song since I was a child and it fit with the theme. Something or someone whom you can't let go off, they have you eating from the palm of their hand and you know that, but you're so in love. And you don't want to get hurt. And was it just a game to you?

Love stories gone wrong: The Last Five Years, 36 Questions, Hadestown and Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812. I'm just mentioning them because I could go on and about them all day okay.

Classic romcom tropes and Latin American soap operas: the formula Laurent talks about so much (Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loses Girl, Boy Gets Girl Back), the manic pixie dream girl trope, miscommunication, jealousy, moving away then coming back, childhood friends to lovers then enemies then friends then lovers again then--

Budapest: I've said this before somewhere but my Marlas is based off Budapest, Hungary, where I lived for two years. The bastion in Buda was my favourite point in the city, and I love walking alongside the tram tracks near the riverside. I also hated it just like Laurent hates Marlas, but that's another story.

My life, but a less traumatic version: some aspects of Linger might feel very personal, and that's because there are things, characters and phrases and paragraphs that draw from my own journey with abuse, mental health and relationships.

And honestly? So many other things. One of my friends made a twitter account just to post things about Linger because I'm always brainstorming my ideas to her and sending quotes from films and books and lyrics that suddenly make me understand something about Laurent and Damen that I didn't before. It is, all in all, an experiment like Étude was. My own take on a difficult relationship, love story gone wrong. They love each oher so much it becomes sick, it becomes hatred.

How do they grow? Do they let each other go?

Who wins the game?

If you made it this far, thank you for reading and thank you for the question! And sorry I went off and talked about so many things, I just love them all.

[jangmi-latte]

I heard you wanted help with a character analysis! I have come to help out, if I can! So, I have a question for you that may help out with at least one character we have information on, do you think Jamil Viper truly hates Kalim Al-Asim because of how the two's families' situation or Jamil is lying to himself? If you wish, I can discuss it with you and help you come to a conclusion, I am more than happy to help you if you need it.

You know, I have been observing Jamil’s actions ever since Chapter 5 started. It has been very visible that this vice-dorm leader has gone through a lot and the fandom knows that for sure. It bothers me sometimes seeing some Jamil x Kalim one-shots where it focuses on Jamil being all friendly with Kalim – friendly in a way the servant master relationship doesn’t bother him when it’s the other way around. I hope this essay of mine helps out expound on Kalim and Jamil’s relationship starting from pre-enrollment to post-enrollment. Before I jump straight into the main question, I’ll slowly expound on Jamil’s progress throughout the Scarabia Arc towards Pomefiore’s Arc.

i would also love to created the TWISTED WONDERLAND WIKIA and for the translators who are behind this site for providing the translations. this analysis won't be complete without them. it has been a very big help.

do note this analysis is NOT SPOILER-FREE so if you don’t wanna get spoiled, this meal is not for your dear customer.

01. Jamil’s freedom

First, let’s differentiate how Jamil acts with and without Kalim around. In most of the main and personal stories, Jamil was always with Kalim. In one instance – like in his PE card – we have seen Jamil without Kalim around. We can see how Jamil has a tendency to be bossy and how he has a way with words in terms of helping Floyd with his desire to do a headstand. Yes, he may have shown this personality around Kalim, however, it is noted how Jamil didn’t hold back into explaining to Floyd (very detailed at that) about the one thing he’s good at. Until he has caught himself again and realized he spoke too much.

We can see how Jamil desperately wants to share who he really was (his talents, his ideologies, etc.) to others, something he couldn’t show when he’s around Kalim.

He said it himself, “my inner dancing soul started to ache…” which is why he shared his own thoughts.

“Ahem! …It’s nothing. When I went out with Kalim in the past, there were occasions where I did a bit of dancing.” He held back again just because Kalim was mentioned. Ace even mentioned how it wasn’t A BIT of what Jamil did in dancing.

It’s obvious how Jamil actually wanted to dance more and teach Floyd what he’s good at except Ace mentioned how it was a basketball club and not a dance club. It’s clear how he’s used to adjusting himself and hold back with what he wants to do. We’re just glad Floyd somehow persuaded that made Jamil show his real self.

Do note how Floyd complimented Jamil when he did a handstand and how happy he must’ve felt about himself.

He was willing, his own choice, to teach Floyd and NOT because he’s obligated to like he was around Kalim. He even shared what techniques he could do.

In his voice lines, we can see how Jamil actually wants to be more powerful. Not like that’s already not obvious, however, there was always the resentment of holding back. He wanted to enjoy himself, as noted in Fairy Gala where he went all out and didn’t hold back, and in Dances and Wishes where he mentioned that he wanted to travel alone. In one of his groovy lines, he said “Sometimes it’s nice to just forget about everything and enjoy yourself. It’s been a long time since I felt like that.”

HE DOESN’T WANT TROUBLE ANYMORE!!! Please, give this man a break, he really hates getting into other people’s business. Let alone getting dragged into them. Why is this under his freedom category? Because anywhere Kalim is, there will always be trouble. Meaning, not only is his safety in the line but also the way he acts. Stiff, robot-like, servant, guardian, you say it. Is Jamil one of those? No.

He always tries to find something beneficial with being around Kalim. Dancing, for example. He stated that whether he likes it or not, Jamil has eventually found fun in dancing and let alone develop strength just by chasing him around.

It has always been mentioned how Jamil is good at cooking and I even read that his kitchen is his go-to when he's stressed and whatnot. But let's remember that Jamil DOESN'T really likes cooking that much. He's only obligated to do so. He mentioned it in his SSR dorm uniform voice lines. Don't associate him with the kitchen too much. 

He ALWAYS mentions Kalim!!! In every voice line, in every personal story, hell, even the main story, there wouldn't be ONE instance where he wouldn't mention Kalim. Why? That's what he was born to do. To always mention his master, to mention his position, to keep the focus away from him and move it towards who he's serving. That's his life. Imagine his happiness when he finally gets a chance to shine on his own.

Connecting to the previous paragraph, either Jamil notices it or not, he consciously and subconsciously lies to himself and to others — except to those who have Asim as their last name. We all know Jamil would go boast about his intelligence, skills, and talents when he wants to and as noted in his overblot, he didn't hold back (he was in a state of no control, yes, but when someone overblots they most often spill what they were truly feeling deep down). Yet, Jamil has grown accustomed into lying to himself and to others that, "This is what I can only do. This is what I am for, etc." He always belittles himself to others and it wasn't a choice of his. 

I noticed how Jamil would always say he doesn't want to stand out and I couldn't point out whether this includes him lying to himself or he genuinely just doesn't like attention. Why this confuses me is because he said he wanted to be number one and known for his own talents yet he doesn't like standing out. I would assume that he wants to be known for who he is in a way of recognition and not by any loud or crowd settling attention. 

Now, Jamil often jokes about "I'm the master now, serve me" in his SSR birthday card and it's easy to point out that (1) he isn't used to attention being placed on him and he's growing accustomed to it, (2) it's a form of control mechanism for him that he knows he's still a servant despite getting such privilege for a day. He is used to his position but that doesn't mean he won't fight for what he wants/believes. After all, Kalim already told him and he's slowly trying to do so without breaking his position still.

02. Jamil’s relationship with Kalim (post-overblot) 

Jamil has vocally stated his hatred for Kalim which happened after his overblot. He doesn’t want to be friends, he doesn’t want ANYTHING that involves being with Kalim. He is there solely for the purpose of being a servant and to finish school. Just like I stated, Jamil tries to find benefits with being around Kalim, whether he likes it or not, he is getting a good dose of education, a good shelter, food, etc. Even though Jamil wants not only him but his family as well to get out of the traditional servant position, he knows he doesn’t have the power to do so. My only conclusion here is that Jamil has very limited choices and that he knows that he has to endure Kalim maybe a bit longer.

Now, this is where we start answering the main question, does Jamil Viper truly hates Kalim Al-Asim because of how the two's families' situation or is he lying to himself? The answer is no – in the prospect of hating Kalim. BUT the most logical answer I could give is that Jamil is slowly warming up (VERY SLOWLY) to Kalim AND NOT HIS FAMILY’S POSITION. Those are two different things:

Jamil’s obligation is to look after Kalim, feed him, protect him, teach him, etc. That’s what he hates. What I’m trying to say here is that Jamil still cares about Kalim. Why do I say this? Notice in the Fairy Gala event, not only did he prove himself to the audience and to Vil but he also was having fun. Despite the harsh training he went through, I believe those smiles he shared with Kalim showed the progress in their relationship with each other.

In Chapter 5-34, we can see Kalim talking about how he was poisoned and mentioned he doesn’t like the idea of the culprit (whoever plans to poison him)  never apologizing when he ever was poisoned. Based on Jamil’s silence, what he probably felt was guilt. He never apologized for what he did but he knew what he did was wrong. At the beginning chapters of Chapter 5, he did explain what happened between him and the dorm students and how he’ll just stick to Kalim from now on. He despises Kalim’s sweet, sunshine, nature because he’s the exact opposite. He knows he’s the villain, he knows he can’t accept Kalim’s personality due to his nature. Kalim’s too nice, Jamil isn’t, they go well together and he (Jamil) doesn’t want to do anything with it. Let Kalim live his own life, he’ll live his.

“We’re not friends, remember…?” Remember Jamil’s tendency to lie? He’s lying to himself. He always tries to make himself hate Kalim but he can’t.

Want to be even more convinced? Chapter 5-30, why would Jamil eavesdrop on MC and Kalim’s conversation? He’s watching over Kalim, yes, but what do you think he felt after hearing Kalim finally learn? Don’t you think he felt relieved? I know for sure he won’t feel guilt over that, all he wanted was for Kalim to be aware of their differences and to be independent. That’s what’s happening to Kalim right now.

Ah, additional to that, the Halloween event. Jamil checked on Kalim, didn’t he? He trusted Kalim on his own. He was actually smiling when Ace pointed out how he keeps checking his phone. He was only checking on Kalim, okay, but please. The trust he actually placed on Kalim was big. Improvement in friendship.

Concerning his position, that’s the sole thing Jamil wants to change. That has always been his goal. To change his family’s position as servant, get a break, have freedom. Who knows? If Jamil ever did get what he wanted, he might go back to Kalim. He’s hard to read.

Conclusion:

I wanted to expound more on the depth of their relationship but this post has gotten too long. To keep it short, Jamil is still contemplating to himself. We can’t instantly jump into the ‘yes and no’ into his hatred for we are still ongoing with Pomefiore’s chapter which will unfold more of their relationship. He somehow hates Kalim but doesn’t in a way of personality and ideology, not the whole person himself. He also hates his position but again, Jamil did something wrong and he knows it. They’re both still learning, they’re both still progressing throughout their relationship. I hope this analysis answered your question! It was fun ^^.

[hauntedziosportrait]

The Relativity and Connections between Jamaasian Lore and Mirabai

WARNING! ⚠️ Very religious themes. I apologise if I have any incorrect or outdated information, it's very risky writing about something surrounding a certain religion when in fact.. I'm an atheist.

The lore of Jamaa has always been a really tricky and fairly eerie topic to cover. It has themes from all sorts of different cultures and despite the main tale being retold, changed and edited one thousand times, the information we receive is clear about who the certain deities and characters are and what their roles to play give.

Today, we're looking more on the more eerie side of Animal Jam- The relationship between Mira and Zios. Surprisingly, we know more about our enemies the phantoms than we do the entities we're serving. Alot has been told about Mira, but on the other hand, not much information has been provided about Zios and his identity making him more or less a very suspicious character to take heed of. That's why there are so many theories regarding him specifically; the most we know is that...

●He is the spiritual highest point of the Jamaa heiarchy, having created Mira and setting the stars and planets in motion

●He is often depicted as a bodyless golden mask surrounded by intricate patterns and grooves

●He was the lover of Mira

●He dissappeared at some point in time and never came back.

To jog your memory, I'm going to be basing this theory more on the Old Jamaasian Lore. Interestingly, the lore was changed to make it appealing to a younger audience, but in the old lore we get a stronger sense of emotion and alot more information about the guardian spirits of Jamaa.

Zios is practically a God. He sets several plants, stars and seas in motion. Eventually he gets lonely and gives life to a deity said to be the perfect incarnation of humble beauty; a graceful grey heron named Mira. Mira and Zios get on well together and she often tells him how talented and artistic he is.

Eventually, Zios falls for her, and creates a beautiful land for he and Mira to share; Jamaa- as a sign of his love.

Mira is ecstatic and suggests and creates the idea of giving live to mortal inhabitants to the land- us, the animals. However, Zios gets a little snappy at Mira for that. He meant for this place to share just between the two and for nobody else to interfere.

He then snaps at Mira for creating the Animals and the two fall into a fearsome and emotional argument. Mira's tears then, without her knowing, come into accidental contact with the mortal world. Since she is an omniscient deity, mixing such power with normal life would end in ruin- Thus creating the phantoms.

Here's the catch. Mira and Zios are too wrapped up in their argument to notice the phantoms attacking Jamaa. Since the phantoms were created by Mira, they would only obey her. That is why they are after Zios, to avenge Mira. Also a case why we never see the phantoms target Mira specifically.

Then, they notice the peril Jamaa is in and, still angry at eachother, select the powerful and strong remaining animals in their selective tribes as Alphas to defend.

Shortly after, Zios goes missing. We're told the phantoms took him through the phantom portal never to be seen again. However, there is alot of evidence to suggest he fell victim to the phantoms and gave in to their side, furthermore taking control of the Phantom Empire. That may be why, despite their goal being reached, they continue to harass and attack the alphas, Jamaa, and by extent, Mira.

From then, the Alphas succeed, and all is well. Zios, however, is never heard of again.

Despite their argument, Mira is eternally upset. That is why phantoms keep producing, due to her tears. Since Zios left angry at Mira, it may be an extra that she thinks Zios left hating her.

And... That is what is inferred from the old lore. The new lore consists of less knowledge about Mira and Zios, but more information about the Alphas and of course the animal heartstones.

Now, here is the thing. The tale of Jamaa is very familiar sounding to some people. Zios is often seen as omnipotent and very powerful. He's often seen as similar to several different gods in mythology..

●Zeus, the Greek god of sky and thunder (This one is self explanatory, even their names are similar: however I've seen this one cause a bit of controversy as this is comparing Zios to a technically VERY problematic god.. Also, Mira sounds alot like Hera!)

●Viracocha, the great creator deity in the pre-Inca and Inca mythology in the Andes region of South America. He's mainly mentioned in incan and mesopotamian mythology as the high creator god (and this one shares more similarities than you may think!) They both had lovers, both dissappeared after creating the world, both had similar powers (examples of heliokenesis) and they actually look REALLY similar, most likely Zios' design being based off of Viracocha's golden armor. Viracocha pictured below!

●And the last one... Krishna. An important religious figure in Hinduism and the final reincarnation/eighth avatar of Vishnu.

And that last one is what I'm planning to talk about today!

The perhaps most important part of this theory is Mirabai. Mirabai, often called Meera or Mira, was a 16th-century Hindu mystic poet and devotee of Krishna. She was known for her elegant beauty and poetry, as well as her eternal devotation to Krishna.

Meera pictured below as well as a figure of Krishna in the distance.

Surprsingly, we have our own Mira too. And if we're comparing Zios to Krishna, this relationship makes alot of sense. Meera was in love with Krishna, and Mira was in love with Zios. "In her last years, Meera lived in Dwarka or Vrindavan, where legends state she miraculously disappeared by merging into an idol of Krishna in 1547. While miracles are contested by scholars for the lack of historical evidence, it is widely acknowledged that Meera dedicated her life to Lord Krishna, composing songs of devotion and was one of the most important poet-saint of the Bhakti movement period." That paragraph was taken from Meera's Wikipedia entry, and relates alot to the story of Mira and Zios. Its said that Meera one day miraculously dissappeared just like Zios did and they only things she left behind were her poems, music, and of course, her devotion and husband-like considered relationship between her and Krishna.

Krishna pictured below.

Most of Meera's poems are dedicated to God in the form of Krishna, calling him the Dark One or the Mountain Lifter. "Some Meera songs include Radha, the lover of Krishna, and her jealousy and hatred for them. All her poems have philosophical connotations, mainly centered around Krishna."

The "Dark One" and "Mountain Lifter" terms are certaintly strange. Why would somebody refer to a "Dark One" in such a loving term?

Lets not forget the example of Zios not only representing the light in most cases, but spiritually, representing the dark. There's alot of evidence to actually suggest instead of the common thought that Zios represents the Sun and Mira the Moon, it may actually be the vice versa in a yin yang sort of way. Light and Dark cannot coexist without eachother and Zios and Mira are a great example of that.

I may explain the Zios is the moon thing a different time but you're going to have to roll with me here on this one... Zios is a perfect representation of the dark. Dark gives space and life to the light, but of course light always gives life to the dark.

Also, "Mountain-Bearer"... Not much to say here. Quite literally what Zios did to create Jamaa. "In her poems, Krishna is a yogi and lover, and she herself is a yogini ready to take her place by his side into a spiritual marital bliss. Meera's style combines impassioned mood, defiance, longing, anticipation, joy and ecstasy of union, always centred on Krishna."

Let's take a look at perhaps the most well known poem by Meera... And perhaps the one that relates the most to Jamaasian Lore. I am aware Julian2 has covered this in a video before, but here im going to take a proper analysis.

My Dark One has gone to an alien land. He has left me behind, he's never returned, he's never sent me a single word. So I've stripped off my ornaments, jewels and adornments, cut my hair from my head. And put on holy garments, all on his account, seeking him in all four directions. Mira: unless she meets the Dark One, her Lord, she doesn't even want to live.

— Mira Bai, Translated by John Stratton Hawley

Alot to process here. Let's see what we can compare.

●"My Dark One has gone to an Alien Land"-  Zios= Krishna: has gone to the realm of the phantoms/alien land

●"He's left me behind, he's never returned, he's never sent me a single word"- Exactly what Zios did. Never responded to Mira and didn't speak to her again after his dissappearance.

●"So I've stripped off my ornaments, jewels and adornments, cut my hair from my head"- Julian2 suggested this may be about Peck running away but this has been outdated. This could possibly refer to the "jewels and adornments" being the Alpha stones as Mira gives them away.

●"And put on holy garments, all on his account, seeking him in all four directions."- This refers to Mira yet again giving the alphas their Alpha Stones and after that she prepares to go out and find Zios.

●"Meera: unless she meets the Dark One, her Lord, she doesn't even want to live."- Unless Mira doesn't meet her Dark One- in this case, Zios-she doesn't feel the will to live, referencing her sorrow and despair without him.

I'm not sure about you, but I'm very convinced AJHQ may have based their lore on this poem specifically.

There is another poem that can relate to the legend of Jamaa, but there's not much to infer. I'm not going to do a thorough line by line analysis, but hopefully looking back on the analysis I just did you can atleast gather some stuff.

After making me fall for you so hard, where are you going? Until the day I see you, no repose: my life, like a fish washed on shore, flails in agony. For your sake I'll make myself a yogini, I'll hurl myself to death on the saw of Kashi. Mira's Lord is the clever Mountain Lifter, and I am his, a slave to his lotus feet.

"Meera speaks of a personal relationship with Krishna as her lover, lord and mountain lifter. (Sanson Ki Mala Pe Simru Main Pi Ka Naam) is written by Meera Bai Shows her dedication towards Lord Krishna. The characteristic of her poetry is complete surrender." -Quote from Wikipedia

The song of Sanson Ki Mala Pe Simru Main Pi Ka Naam is an interesting one-referring to her "beading the name of her beloved on the garland of my breaths". Interestingly, this song refers to Krishna as a Cuckoo Bird- A little bit of a crack theory, but this may suggest Zios could actually be the same behind that mask of his?

Examples of this bird-referring lyric are this quote from that same song:

"He is a melodious bird

He is a magnificent man

This foolish girl has taken

The beloved’s heart as the Lord"

I will link the full song plus English translation below!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ekta25.wordpress.com/2011/06/23/sanson-ki-mala-pe-simroon-main-pi-ka-naam-on-the-garland-of-my-breaths-i-have-bejewelled-my-beloveds-name/amp/

Intresting... Perhaps Zios IS some sort of bird!

In conclusion, Mirabai's poetry, devotion and songs have alot of connections to Jamaasian Lore! I find this interesting, but this did help us gather quite a bit of information!

[fayshin]

Some of my analysis of Masahiro and Rina

Here are some of my thoughts about the scene that Masahiro brought Rina to Awami Shrine in manga(Chapter 28). But English is not my mother tongue and it's been years since last time I wrote paragraph in English, hope there won't be so many errors LOL. It's just my opinion, some of them maybe just my headcanon. And of course, who reads this may have already thought about it before and had more analyses of it. If you have any other idea, let me know please!! Ok, then just start it!!

 This is one of the best and the most important Masahiro and Rina's scenes in manga. But when I first read it, I couldn't understand it well -- even now I cannot ensure that I analyzed all the true meanings of this scene. It bothered me so long "What were actually on their mind? What were they trying to say?" It seemed like they said nothing but they HAD SAID EVERYTHING?

Yes AWAMI Shrine!! Where Masahiro fell for Rina!! Yes!!

To begin with, about the shrine, we all remembered that Rina had been the Miko of the shrine and assisted a lot. She took it for granted because the shrine is about the mermaid, and she is the real mermaid. But the question is, why and who invited her to be the miko? Was there anyone who knew the true relationship between Rina and mermaid? Okay just keep the question in mind and go on.

And I believe this must be haunting all Masahiro and Rina shipper. DID HE ALREADY KNOW HER REAL IDENTITY!!!???

 But before we discussed this, let's think about the question I mentioned before. There must be some connection between Rina and the shrine. But now we knew more-- Masahiro is also related to the shrine!!! Awami Shrine is bulit by Masahiro's ancestor!!! So it was not coincidence that he met Rina here!!

And go back to Masahiro's confessions again. Based on his words, he thought he might be the descendant of human and mermaid after he met Rina. Before this scene, he also pointed out that Rina had something hide from him last time they dated. Connecting the two scenes, I thought it implied quite apparently that Masahiro knew Rina had something to do with mermaid. It made no sense he knew nothing but abruptly talked about a fairytale about mermaid!! Also based on the fact that they were both related to Awami Shrine, Masahiro probably knew more truth about Rina and mermaid!! Or, something like intuition about her XDD Which is also mentioned in Pure ep37~

But when he tried to talk more, Rina just broke him off. Why did Rina become agitated? What would he say if he hadn't been interrupted? I thought he almost confessed his love for her. Although they went out many times before, they still not have a romantic relationship yet. Besides, he blamed her a little bit for not telling the truth before. But maybe after that, he found the answer by himself or realized that it didn't really matter. He still cherished her no matter who she was. That's why Rina had to stop him. She was not allowed to fall in love with a human. She even burst into tears for his words. REALLY HEARTBREAKING I can't endure this I hate the setting😭😭😭 She was afraid to build a deep relationship because her fear in leaving him one day. Her sorrow is also showed in Pure ep26&30. What's more, this chapter was before their final battle with Michel/Mikeru, she was anxious for that too. She might not be able to come back to him and fall in battle. Full of agony oh my god.

Besides, what was Rina trying to say here? After she heard the story about Masahiro's ancestors, what was in her mind? Did she realize that Masahiro had already found out her true identity? Because Masahiro only hinted that he knew mermaids exist. She might try to ignore the fact that they were from different world when they were together. When Masahiro spoke of mermaid, it reminded her of their dim future.

But Masahiro didn't be confused or frustrated by Rina's rejection. He just clasped her hand to comfort her by saying that he wouldn't say goodbye to her. Ooohhh my I always cry for their sincere love for each other QQQQ He must know Rina's despair so well. In the story about his ancestors, the man eventually parted from his beloved mermaid. Masahiro knew there might be a desperate separation between them in the future, but he was also DETERMINED TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING AT ALL COST. He won't let what happened to his ancestors repeat.

OOHHH THE HUG!!! LET'S CHERISH THE BREATHTAKING HUG!!! They are so precious I am always crying (T_T)

When it came to her feelings for him, she was so fragile. She should have pushed him away to keep her distance, but she didn't. Though Masahiro had made up his mind to never bid farewell to Rina, they still might be faced with hardship in the future. He was afraid of losing her too. So he said "Even for a moment, can we just stay like this?" And Rina realized that she was not the only one in pain. So she tenderly snuggled close to him.

On top of that, there's a little question about Rina's line here "One day I will come to you". The line in Chinese version I bought was more like "Though I don't know when I can come to you". The first time I read this I was like !!!??? NO WHY SO DIFFERENT FROM THE TRANSLATION I KNEW BEFORE!!!??? And I thought maybe that's because the original Japanese word used here was"いつか(itsuka)", which can be translated into either "when" or "one day". I am not expert in Japanese so I'm confused so hard here... It would mean quite opposite if adopted different translation… If anyone knows the Japanese original line please tell me what it is... That would be more decipherable LOL. But in my opinion, I thought it would be more reasonable to translate it into "when" here. In the same chapter, Nikora said to Hippo, “This may be their very last Christmas.” The upcoming battle with Mikeru would be so dangerous, and she could not come to him until they achieve victory.

Most importantly, Rina's reaction CONFIRMED MASAHIRO’S GUESS AS TURE. If she had nothing to do with mermaid, she wouldn't vacillate about his words. I thought it won't be long before he understands everything at first, but now I rather believe that Masahiro ALREADY KNOW ALL THE TRUTH here. He knew what was on Rina’s mind, and declared his resolution to never let her go.

This was the very first time they failed to restrain their affection for each other. The embrace was not so much sweet but bitter😢😢 They expressed their love for each other, but also embrace the agony of the love. They said nothing but they had SAID EVERYTHING. They knew each other so well ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Here’s also little comparison between the anime and the manga. In the anime, Rina tried to part from Masahiro first, but they end up realizing that they can’t lose each other. Not until then did they truly share their mind. But in the manga, he just rejected the broke up even before Rina mentioned it LOL. Magnificent!! Masahiro is sssooo smart (//艸//)

This is my first time to write down my theory I am so exciting now (≧▽≦) I love them so much💚💚 I hope anyone who loves Masahiro and Rina too can see this and enjoy it!! And I admire Hanamori sensei so much!! In addition to the gorgeous art, she can tell a complete story and develop deep relationship of characters within number of pages.

Once again, welcome to ask me question or share me with your idea!! There are still some scenes I also think a lot. And other comparison between anime and manga I’d like to talk about. I will discuss them next time!! Thanks for your reading 🥳

[aj-thegreatest]

Next up is Topaz and Hody! I did them next because 1) They’re the big thing now and 2) I want to get my Mewni redesigns outta the way before the rest. They were pretty fun, and the first example of my rewrites! Sometimes when I redesign a character, I’ll rewrite them to fit the change. It’ll be minor or major changes; basically my spin on them. I’ll explain everything below, but here’s the final if you wanna skip!

I’ll start with the designs first, then my rewrites:

For Hody, I wanted him to resemble Larry more. I went with his canon design instead of the redesign, since I liked it more (gives me big himbo vibes).

So Hody has his eyes and hair/fin style, but Camie’s eye color. I simplified the outfit so it’s easier to draw: the red sash just goes around his waist, but above his tail. I covered up his chest, kept the gold and red gems, and made his arm armor shorter. I went with the colors that harchibudytgorichi used, cause I love how muted they are! Also, he’s wearing a skirt now! I’ll explain that later.

Topaz’s first change was her hairstyle. No real reason, but I thought her hair being half shaved would look cool! To compensate I made her hair longer, so she’s still a warrior. I gave her Cole’s nose and eyes, so she’s even more aligned with him. But now she has Phyrus’ colors to equalize. She also has pudge! I remember when someone asked if older Topaz could have pudge, and I thought it was a missed opportunity. Alot of her outfit is based on Cole’s (with some Braze too). She has shoulder armor with spikes, a gem placement like Cole, and pants with fur boots. I tried to make her more “battle ready”, with the utility belt and more coverage. No tiara, but her earrings are a hint to her status.

Now onto the good stuff Let’s start off with Hody! Instead of being jerky and prejudice, he’s dumb but has a big heart. Major Himbo vibes. Like Maria he wants to help the Waterfolk kingdom, but can’t retain a lot of knowledge (Diplomacy, Trading, etc). So he fights as a warrior to support them. Hody was a bigger deal until Astro came along, but his strength is acknowledged. He’s still protective of Maria; he can’t accept his sister growing up and surpassing him. To him, she’ll always be his baby sis. It’s also why he’s hesitant towards Astro; why would she need to date??? He does respect him right off though. Eventually he realizes Maria’s grown now, and that won’t change their relationship. After this, Hody treats Astro as part of their family. They also spar on occasion. He’s way more accepting of monsters since he’s too dumb/kindhearted to realize. He hangs with the Johansson brothers but the dynamic is different, I’ll explain later. Hody also loves wearing skirts and dresses; his fashion style leans towards Billy Porter. I...just thought it’d be neat. He was supposed to be the heir, but after meeting a fire-headed warrior that might change… In this version, Topaz is more aggressive and tactical. She never goes in without a plan or escape route, especially in fights. After a horrible “relationship” with her controlling dead ex, Topaz left her tribe to get some space and explore the surface (Cole’s idea). Nobody knew about their relationship, but once they did they were not happy. Her relationship with Scorch went on for too long. It made her feel weak and scared. Which she hates. So Topaz pushes those feelings down and fights to cope. She also doesn’t like unfamiliar people touching her...something Hody (a person who hugs everyone) learns that very quickly. She loves her dad and thinks highly of him. She often stands up for him and his ideals, wanting to help the tribe be more intellectual. Topaz doesn’t read a lot, but books about war and strategy are her favorite. She misses her mom, but doesn’t talk about it (yet). She finds her escort flighty, and wants to teach him to think smarter. Once they travel together, they’ll definitely get closer and help the other with their issues. For Topaz it’ll be her mother, her last relationship/fear of intimacy, and getting close to people. Hody’s will be his feelings about his sister, his place in the Waterfolk kingdom, and his relationship with the Johanssons (which he’ll also learn to put himself first instead of others, but I’ll explain in the next paragraph). I’d compare them to Jess and Lake from Infinity Train. I think they’d both slowly realize they have feelings for each other, and soon start dating. Because of Topaz’s previous relationship, she’s hesitant about doing “heavier” stuff early on. But Hody understands. At some point Hody gives his heirship to Maria; around that time they’d either get married or engaged, and travel around Mewni. They do have kids (maybe 2-3 because this Topaz hates pregnancy idk) and just chill as parents. Now onto the Johnasons!

Hody hangs with the Johnasons, but in their eyes he’s on thin ice. Because of Hody being pro-monster, there’s slight tension between them that Hody side steps. He thinks befriending them will change their minds about monsters, and accept them more. When Topaz comes in, things become shaky. Hody tries to keep the peace but Tor, Twister, and Gale aren’t having it. However, Topaz convinces Hody he needs to look out for his own well being/mental health, and that sometimes you can’t change someone by being their friend (Also conflicting ideals can break a friendship, maybe for the better). After Hody confronts them, Tor puts his hands on Topaz and they both beat them up (Topaz more than Hody, but ehhh semantics. Idk if Twister and Gale would get involved but 🤷🏿‍♀️). Afterwards, Gus comes by and apologizes to Hody. He wasn’t actively prejudiced but complacent and, while not as bad, has its own issues. He asks if they can still be friends, which Hody readily accepts. Topaz is suspicious, but they eventually warm up as a trio (This would also progress Gus’s development, like the 2nd or 3rd step).

...This was a long way of saying I like Grumpy Girl/Soft Boy better than the og dynamic but I’m done! Next one will come out whenever, here’s their full body!

[officiallanxichen]

Hello friends welcome to my Episode 28 (and also 29 a lil bit) Ramble, which I’m sure at least one of you has been waiting eagerly for! Quick summary for folks who don’t actually remember which eps those are: we experience Sha Ya’s backstory, lesbian ecoterrorism happens, Zhao Xinci and friends get kidnapped, Yunlan has a breakdown and then he and Shen Wei go on a romantic search mission together. I love this episode for a lot of reasons (mlm/wlw solidarity is loving Sha Ya and Hua Yuzhu), but I’m going to focus specifically on Yunlan and his Dad Problems. Oh boy are there some dad problems in this episode and in the next one.  

Important context that I kind of previewed in that last post I made: I headcanon Yunlan as ADHD/autistic! This is mostly because I’m ADHD and autistic and he and I have almost exactly the same mannerisms/body language/way of interacting with people/everything, but eps 28 and 29 really solidified this headcanon as based in the text of the show. If you recall from episode 28, after Minister Guo (my beloved) reveals that Yunlan’s dad was kidnapped, Yunlan gets so frustrated with the riddle message thingy that he yells and kicks a chair. This is Such a small moment but I think about it constantly because I Get It! Throughout the show he’s always been this goofy, kind person who isn’t always super tactful but is never like, angry. Even in what I like to call the Evil Beams scene, aka the one where he and Ye Zun meet for the first time, he’s like “haha! Fuck you! I’m Zhao Yunlan and I can and will shoot my powerful beams at you!” I can’t think of any time that he yells at someone except for this scene and the one where Shen Wei cuts himself. And then in this scene! He’s not even Angry! He’s just frustrated! And he gets so frustrated that his feelings Explode Everywhere! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen that aspect of being ADHD represented in a show, explicitly ADHD rep or not. I feel like a lot of the time when I’ve watched shows, the people with the Large Emotions are either super angry all the time or super peppy and cheerful, and there’s never anyone who’s Both. And I’m both! And when I watched that episode I Lost My Mind! Another special part of that scene is the way Shen Wei reacts. I forget exactly what he says but he says the Right Thing, and when I rewatched this scene with Clog the other night I was like wow….neurodivergent love….

This whole long paragraph about ADHD emotions leads me to the Big reason I love these two episodes, which is how they portray how complicated Yunlan’s relationship with his dad is. When I first watched Guardian, I spent the first 27 episodes going, “I hate Zhao Xinci what a trash dad he Sucks and i’m going to Kick Him.” And Then I Watched This Episode. I mean, I still hate him and want to kick him, but like, in a more nuanced way. I really really really love their relationship. For me, one of the main Things with the way they relate to each other (excluding of course the whole mom/wife death trauma, which is another essay for someone else to write) is the simple fact that Zhao Yunlan is and always has been a neurodivergent person with a neurodivergent way of thinking, and Zhao Xinci is not. Episode 28 really solidified for me that Yunlan does in fact care about his dad! Even though they have a bad relationship they still care about each other in some way! Zhao Xinci just has never ever shown that because he’s the worst built different. They also both express their care in super different ways. Zhao Xinci wants Yunlan to be “better”, or what he thinks is better, and is shown to want to push Yunlan to do things differently. Which obviously doesn’t work, because those of y'all who are also ADHD and/or autistic folks know that there is only One Way To Do Things and the other ways Do Not Work. I see my own relationship to my parents in the Zhao dynamic (minus the twenty years of not talking because my parents and I have a good relationship now). I know now that my parents love me, and we’ve actually gone through the whole talking about our feelings therapy gauntlet, but for the majority of my child/teenhood I was so angry and frustrated with them because I always felt like I wasn’t being understood. Which is probably true! Clog has a whole essay about episode 29 that they should put in a reblog (wink wink) but basically: when you’re neurodivergent your parental relationships get so complicated and this episode really cemented that re: Zhao family for me. 

Wow that sure was long. Anyways thank you for coming to my extended Yunlan ramble! I just love him So Much and can and will talk about him for Hours. Perfect awful beautiful man. Love of my life. Makes me feel feelings and write nearly 1,000 word essays. <3 <3 <3 Big shoutout to my beloved @lucky-clover-cannot-hear-you for her clogtastic contributions <3

[breakfast-cereal]

Stupid For You (2) -Johnlock

← ← MAIN MASTERLIST

← PART ONE

PART THREE

!¡Trigger Warning¡! DO NOT IGNORE!: mentions to drugs and addiction, alcohol use, vomiting, hints to declining/poor mental health.

Rosie's hair was in a slightly dishevelled braid that reached just above her shoulder blades

"Youtube seems to be helpful for tutorials. Slightly inaccurate, though." Sherlock looked as if he was about to write down notes.

"It's YouTube, Sherlock." John looked at Rosie who had a massive grin on her face

Rosie rushed to Sherlock and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you, daddy!"

Sherlock didn't seem to protest and accepted the role of a father figure to Rosie. John was confused by this. If Sherlock was a father figure to Rosie wouldn't that insinuate that he and John were together? Does that not bother Sherlock?

"No problem." Sherlock ushered Rosie back to her room and then sat back down to work on the case.

John sat on the couch, sneaking glances at Sherlock while watching some sports game on the telly. He reached for his phone on the table and scrolled through it while watching the telly and concentrating on Sherlock. John was hoping this would have some distraction from his headache. The light from his phone just seemed to make the headache worse. John had opened google and was staring down at it. His headache was horrible and those confusing feelings had returned to plague his thoughts. Without thinking, John entered "John Watson and Sherlock Holmes" into the search bar and entered it. He looked around anxiously as if someone was going to pop out of any corner and catch him looking at this. The worst would be Sherlock. Results popped up raging from "Johnlock" blogs to articles describing their relationship. John clicked on the first article and skimmed it until reaching a part that specifically piqued his interest.

Sherlock Holmes and his partner John Watson's relationship is obviously less than platonic. Relationship expert, Tiffany Laines has confirmed multiple theories with her video "Debunking 'Johnlock'." Laines stated in her video that "Holmes and Watson are very close for just roommates. It seems it's Holmes&Watson rather than just Holmes and Watson. Based on body language queues, like the leaning in from Watson, and the way Holmes' colleagues described him as brash whereas it seems John does not find him that way. Can this mean Holmes treats Watson differently? Of course, we can never be sure with their limited interaction, but my speculation is something is going on."

John read over that paragraph multiple times. He read it for what felt like hours. He stared and analyzed it wanting to know what they meant. What the secret meaning could be even though the truth stared back at him. He wanted to throw his phone. Launch it across the room. Find whoever wrote that article and beat them. Instead, John put his phone down and made his way up to make some tea.

"Tea?" He asked into the air, hoping Sherlock would maybe answer.

"Yes, that'd be nice."

John prepared two cups and watched while the water boiled in the kettle. He listened to it fizz and at some moments John wondered if it would boil over. John could be compared to a kettle. He would fizz and bubble until he reached a point where he would just stop or boil over completely. John believed he was a calm individual, though he wasn't. It's hard being calm when you're rather vigilant all the time.

"I've got it!" John spun to see Sherlock pacing around the house frantically. "It was so obvious how could I have not gotten it!",

"What?",

"It's objects! The numbers were words and the words were objects. I've got a lead, John.",

"How did you manage to get that out of a sheet of numbers?" John was impressed. Well, not impressed, because Sherlock could solve a murder with his eyes closed and hands tied, but his skills were always impressive.

"It became quite obvious with hints. The necklace the woman had is a precious object so at first, I thought it could be something expensive, but there's nothing expensive in our flat. Yes, I'm assuming it is in our flat, as the woman left these papers in our flat rather than taking them to Mrs. Hudson, or some other person. Of course, maybe it's just because she was one to visit us, but with the pieces of paper originally the coordinates seemed to also have directions that were rather similar to the way to get into our flat. To sum it down simply, there's clues in certain objects in our flat." Sherlock seemed so animated when he talked about these things. He always strived for perfection and clarity on his cases and when he got it, it's like it sent him into a high. "Don't drink the tea, by the way.",

"What's wrong with the tea?" John felt overwhelmed with this information. There were hidden messages all over the flat. What if he stepped on one? Or got it wet?

"You added milk to yours. It's expired. Strange you pour the milk before the water." John looked at the milk in his cup that had small chunks in it and dumped it down the sink, sugar swirling down with it.

The kettle finished as John was there and he poured it into Sherlock's cup. He waddled over to Sherlock's desk and placed the tea, noticing the messy state of affairs. Sherlock's desk had papers all over it. The papers in the centre focus were the ones from the most recent case. One paper had computer, Jane Eyre, heart, written on it, while all the others remained blank.

"Heart?" John felt a strange feeling when Sherlock looked panicked. Sherlock looked like that word wasn't supposed to be written.

"Likely mistake. I don't know why that word is there. Stupid mistake." Sherlock quickly flipped over the paper and overemphasized the grab of the cup. "Go watch telly or something. I'm busy." John hated the way Sherlock would brush him off so easily. Even with living with him all these years he still couldn't brush off the hurt it caused. He wanted to get his mind off this, but his mind immediately went to drinks. With what John remembered happened last night, drinking was the last thing he wanted to do. So instead, John left the flat.

He walked the opposite way from the pub. His mind thought of one thing and one thing only; Sherlock. He felt like one of those articles as he speculated what heart could be. Does Sherlock have a secret photo album of Irene Adler? John was sure that Sherlock didn't have any human organs (they had cleaned all those out after John screamed at Sherlock over the fact that if Rosie ever found them she'd be terrified.) Was heart meaning that Sherlock's heart had been taken? Was he in love with someone? John felt a spike of jealousy and resent for whoever this person was. How dare they have Sherlock's heart. Why can't it be John? John paused internally. Why was John so jealous? He didn't like Sherlock. He never liked Sherlock. Sherlock was a friend, but friends don't get jealous over their friend's relationship because they want it to be them. Maybe John wanted Sherlock as a little more than a friend, but he only liked women. His brain was just being weird again. It's because he hadn't been with any women in a while. He just missed Mary, and Sherlock was the only person around that he could be with, so his brain was just skipping to conclusions. John needed to meet someone. There was one person that came to mind, the woman he had met on the bus. He had always wanted more and now was the time for that. He could unblock her number and text her. It would be something that has no strings attached. It will help John get his mind off Sherlock. He'll be able to realize his feelings were stupid.

When John was back at the flat he felt strange guilt. Like sending a text to this woman would be cheating on Sherlock. Sherlock wasn't romantically interested in John at all. John stared at his phone and the text that was sitting and waiting to be sent

Would you maybe want to meet up sometime this week?

John shut off his phone, he needed time to consider. He wasn't sure what he wanted. He wanted something. He wanted someone, but this just didn't feel right to him. She didn't feel right for him. He felt like he would be using her. He would use her to distract himself from his own problems. He didn't need a distraction he needed advice. He really needed advice. Who was he supposed to get advice from?

John sat at a small table with a pink linen table cloth on it. The chairs were rickety and felt as if they were going to fall apart any moment, whereas the table cloth looked pricey and was clearly good quality. It had ballerinas dancing on it, and could definitely be used as a small blanket.

"What are you here for, John?" Mrs. Hudson asked,

"I need some advice." John expected Mrs. Hudson to be the last person he went to, but there he was, sitting in her flat.

"Aw, did something go down between you and Sherlock?",

"No, no, that's not it. Well, I mean. I don't know." John wanted to smack his head into the desk. "I need advice on feelings."

"Oh, John," Mrs. Hudson sounded genuinely caring. Or maybe John just wanted her to care.

"I'm not in love, before you think I am. I'm just confused and I want advice.",

"Is it Sherlock?" Mrs. Hudson knew before John. The articles knew before John. John realized with those words, that he was indeed stupid for Sherlock. He had to admit it to himself. He can't deny it all.

"I don't like men." Denial, denial, denial. All he did was deny. He had realized, but he wasn't going to acknowledge it. He may know, but if he ignores it, it's not real.

"I may be your landlady, but that doesn't make me oblivious." ,

"But I'm not-"

Mrs. Hudson interrupted him, "my advice is to stop denying it."

John pushed up from the table, shocked the chair didn't crumble. "I think that's enough advice for today." He hissed as he left the flat.

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