#lame rant but I tried

[vanityxvanitas]

In chapter 152 of the manga, I noticed in the flashback that Sensui already had his ears pierced as a child. When I went to look up the cultural significance, I wasn't able to find anything similar in Buddhism, but I did find the practice of Karna Vedha in Hinduism. Is it possible Sensui comes from a Hindu background in addition to or instead of a Buddhist one?

I don't know who you are but great information, I didn't know about this practice at all. Let's say I'll try my best to answer this with my limited knowledge about Hinduism and Buddhism (might be faulty by the way, as I know very little about Indian cultures and practices in general and don't even have faith in my awareness of Buddhism). Of course, all are heavy assumptions. 

I'm not sure at which stage of life Sensui started wearing earrings so I previously assumed he started in adolescence. I can't see clearly if he wore earrings in the panel of his flashback, and the anime Sensui didn't wear earrings at all so the detail of his earrings was unfortunately dismissed in the anime. Love the anime but such a waste of potential! I don't know what Togashi originally had in mind but such a beautiful and simple character design with those stud earrings (he sometimes forgot to draw Sensui's earrings too). Anyway, it can be any but it depends on whether the family still upholds this tradition, if only we get to know his parents. There might be Indian families in Japan who still practice Karnavedha. If Sensui got the earrings from this tradition, he must've had them from a very young age from how the ritual is described. This is the limit of how I can dig into Karnavedha unfortunately. Linguistic and cultural barriers are strong. 

The words used in association with Sensui in the manga seem more relevant with Buddhism so it's easier to look from that perspective, of course also due to my cultural bias and experiences leans heavily to Sinosphere cultures. Originally, the tradition of having bindi embodied the third eye that provides higher consciousness and extraordinary perception also came from Hinduism as well, so it'll be interesting to interpret him from that perspective (if only my range of knowledge is wider). While symbols of earrings aren't too significant in Buddhism as far as I know, it's sometimes considered a characteristic of a Bodhisattva in which the type of earrings a Bodhisattva wears is 耳璫 (jitou). Personally I've seen more depictions of Buddhist figures without earrings and none of them wear stud earrings. The earrings mentioned in the scriptures aren't stud earrings either. 

Many statues are depicted with elongated earlobes that are sometimes pierced with round earrings (for example, Ratnasambhava or more vividly, Bodhidharma which in a way kinda look like Enso circle in Japanese Zen context?) or having holes in earlobes shaped by gauge/plug earrings from Indian cultural context. There's also a possibility that the marks on Sensui's ears aren't earrings or moles, but holes from earrings. (Eh?) 

Unrelated but Getou Suguru from Jujutsu Kaisen has a more obvious design when it comes to Buddhist reference with how his ears look, large and possibly plugged (but it seems like his earlobes were naturally big?) While monks aren't supposed to have tattoos and earrings because art and decorations in general is a form of attachment, it's fine for normal practitioners to have them, so in a way, earrings can represent Getou's and Sensui's attachments to the world? 

The reason why it's hard for me to imagine Sensui with Hindu background is because his later actions in adulthood didn't reflect what I know about Hinduism, especially when it comes to the concept of God. It's easier to imagine his actions were somewhat learned beliefs and behaviors but, there's also a chance he abandoned Hinduism as the doctrines didn't suit his perspective so I'm trying to look from that perspective. 

In fact, it would be very interesting if Sensui was Hindu (or Sanātanī, I'm not sure what word to use anymore because Hindu is more like an umbrella term covering not just the religion). Unlike the nontheistic Buddhism, Hinduism is both polytheistic and monotheistic at the same time since different deities are as embodiments of Brahman or the embodiment for the metaphysical concept of ultimate reality. In Hinduism, when the soul is free from the saṃsāra, it merges with the essence of that ultimate god thus becomes infinite. If Sensui was Hindu, then there's a chance he actually adored Koenma quite a lot more than if he was Buddhist, because he literally met a mini version of Yama. Also, Hinduism promotes practices to reach perfection in life, maybe that's why he was obsessive with practicing his actions in the first place, especially when such actions were ordered by a holy figure. 

As for Buddhism, Sensui's concept of an angel being covered in seikouki is rather achieved through the accomplishment of oneself rather than being blessed by any divine figure. Anime Sensui also appeared to be more relevant in terms of Hinduism due to this because in the English version, he mentioned how he almost became a god(?). For an example scenario, Sensui was someone who might've started killing before he reached 6 years old, the age when superego started to develop. If he was indoctrinated with the encouragement to practice ‘good deeds’ encouraged by gods, then his anime Sensui criticizing reikai would be much more relevant to how ‘gods’ misdirected him. 

(Excuse me for not watching the entire arc properly in anime without skipping but my bias for manga is too strong. Also, the anime Sensui’s face looked like he needed IV drip all the time, but I swear I like him too. Personally, I just find more possible leeways in manga Sensui who didn't mention much about religions, concepts of gods, or even the system he worked for. In general, the manga Sensui appeared as more ‘suisen’ and enigmatic so…)

Side talk: I remember being quite impressed by the description on a video about India that ‘all gods are one’. Such an impressionable perspective, too bad due to mankind’s interpretations of metaphysical entities that religious conflicts are unavoidable even when peace is strongly promoted. 

One of the reasons why Sensui being a Hindu is that it explains why he felt obligated to fix the problems he caused. While the basic concept is ‘good/bad deeds are followed by good/bad happenings’. Hindu view of karma holds a person responsible for their actions and the effects such actions caused, but in Buddhism karma isn't ‘judged’ but rather just natural and perhaps unpredictable causes and effects. Him defying a mini god could be the action of quitting Hinduism and the doctrinal practices and running away from being judged by whom he distrusted. 

Just like what Raizen said, it's unknown whether reikai/spirit world is the final resting place of souls? I feel like Togashi is very good at building anti-judgemental details when it comes to the existence and divinity, which is why his stories are very multi-dimensional. His actual religious and political stances are unknown so it's my heavy assumption, but I've always felt like while he has a large range of knowledge, he's also very independent from social constructs and doctrines. 

Onto Buddhism. Buddhism (or Zen Buddhism more specifically) traveled through China before getting in Japan, and the one who delivered it to Japan as well as many other places was Bodhisena, a Tamil Brahmin from Madurai. Buddhism and Hinduism both derived from a Vedic philosophy called Sramana, but Buddhism took a distinct direction, and while it reaches very far in the East, has lost its former popularity in India. 

This is from my own knowledge of Buddhism so it can be false or biased, there are thousands of suttas available and too many interpretations anyway. The Buddhist concept of no-self isn't about erasing one's own self/identity, but as in accepting phenomena as the results of causality instead of focusing on the attributes of entities. From what I understand, everything is interconnected (although there's never a confirmation to this in Buddhism to avoid elongate unnecessary debates depending on one’s own definition, so I guess interconnection is just a branch of belief) and holds selves/essences of their own, so the only way to escape from the system is to exist in a manner that detaches oneself from such interconnection without acceptance or rejection of values/ideas. Therefore, refraining from getting attached to worldly matters and letting the noumena exist as they are rather than involving one's mind in the phenomena - neither agree or disagree with it to avoid getting lost in the paradoxical nature of existence. 

This limited understanding about Buddhist theories of mine is why Sensui's choice of reincarnation appeared as impressive to me, because perhaps Shinobu knew he was arrogant (so Minoru existed), a Narcissus/daffodil of a human. He watched Chapter Black because he wanted an answer to what human nature is, it's unknown whether what he saw Chapter Black gave him a quick answer he didn't know yet or somewhat matched his previous suppressed impressions on mankind (because along with complete innocence, there's a chance he knew humans can be bad - from what he said about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ countries - but denied it because he thought humans can strive to be better, which I prefer this interpretation for personal reasons because if he reasoned things himself, then it explained why he refused to turn back). 

Yet, Shinobu didn't care what would happen to ninkai after the portal was opened, as it would be too arrogant to claim he knew for sure how youkai will act. Despite Minoru claiming he was awakened, Shinobu was still seeking an answer and he seized the control of the main and final self despite Kazuma calling Shinobu just another part of the system like any other alter. Maybe Itsuki knew this and focused on Shinobu the most, because Itsuki and possibly Naru were the truest identities whose characteristics were the closest to Sensui's ‘essence’. A good topic will be what Itsuki's stances are but then he's not even a human. 

Especially when La Rochefoucauld regards egoism or self-interest as human’s original instinct, which I personally think that's why while Buddhism seems laxer than other religions at first, the Buddhist attitude of not engulfing in one's ego is rather hard to ‘get it right’ because humility in making an answer for oneself is not enough and seeking answers from divinity is also not the case. This is a very subjective take since religious doctrines are usually metaphorical so interpretations can vary a lot, but I find in comparison, Buddhism is less deterministic than other religions due to such views, emphasizing the freedom to follow a Middle Way instead of choosing between eternalism and nihilism. As someone who viewed Sensui as running around in the cycle of lost and found, I just think it'll be interesting to let him chase after the true awakenings before reaching nirvana. Maybe because I don't pursue nirvana that it feels more interesting to fulfill one's curiosity before seeking liberation from worldly matters, as the universe and existence themselves is simply amusing as a whole. 

In a way, developing other alters and watching over them is also a form of no-self. It can be said that maybe Shinobu felt temporarily free from worldly matters by hiding inside the system and letting others do whatever they did, which was just an act of denial without actual enlightenment. For example, a Buddhist might practice to attain nirvana with residue of mind and body when they're still alive before reaching the final nirvana in death. Shinobu could hide or be forced to detach from his body, but he couldn't escape his mind. The scenario of a failed attempt to attain nirvana is also why I find it more amusing if Shinobu was awake and not asleep like Kazuya said, because those who attained nirvana aren't unconscious but rather meta-conscious of everything yet attached to nothing. He was liberated and trusted the system because they let him be freed from himself and from making possibly wrong decisions, he was chained in the system because he couldn't always trust them and what they did. 

One of main differences lies in the concept of an eternal self or Ātman in early Vedic religion/Hinduism, and the encouragement of no-self or Anattā in Buddhism. In Buddhism, self-identification is a form of attachment, so there’s no need to define what one's essence is. If Sensui actually believed in the eternal self as a Hindu, then his wish to be reborn was indeed a form of repentance, because maybe he was aware that with his mindset derived from his essence, he would live a painful life all over again but as a species the same as his victims. Vice versa, there’s also a chance he ran away from his former beliefs too, it's scary to feel that one's pessimism can be permanent.

Also, perhaps the lack of reassurance of permanence is also a reason why Buddhism is misunderstood as pessimistic? With religions that promise security and reliance like Christianity, followers can feel more security and reliance as their gods watch over their journey.

Actually, when it comes to immortal souls, Jainism is also a possibility but that's a bit far-fetched so it's not mentioned that much here. 

TL:DR: Maybe. I don't even know anymore but interesting suggestion. 

. 

Irrelevant idea: From how he looks, I think he's multi-ethnic or more specifically is mixed with Indian blood, resulting in the cultural remarks and the skin tone and blue eyes in the anime. I'm aware that manga characters have the wildest hair colors, but in real life, blue eyes are available although quite rare among Asians in general but damn, these Indians with blue eyes look so gorgeous. (Delusional talk: Maybe the choice of blue eyes was to make a contrast with Itsuki's orange/yellow eyes by complementary color theory. In that case, they could've made the bindi/urna red to match green.) 

I'm also bi-ethnic so this might sound a bit of a projection, since it explains the reason a foreigner alter like George existed and why Sensui was willing to turn towards youkai instead. Overall, mixed children are less bonded to the concepts of ethnocentrism and chauvinism. There's also an opinion that youngsters these days are more prone to existentialism because they lack strong cultural backgrounds in the age of globalization, so they have to grab on to whatever the zeitgeister appear to be and claim those as their own identities. If Sensui also experienced cognitive dissonance due to distrust in his own family/former boss/species, then it's understandable why he had to developed such distinct alters to secretly cope with the changes. 

I also read a suggestion that Sensui might've been mixed with Western genes which makes him look like that. While it's more likely that the anime chose Sensui's skin tone based on the cover of volume 16, somehow it matches the impression of his design being partly Indian for that urna/bindi on his forehead. (Just an awfully wild guess. Don't bother please.) 

Unrelated but that's also why it's easier follow the scenario that Sensui wasn't really raised by his biological dad but another one whom his mother married, because it gives more leeway to make up stories where his dad wasn't Japanese and just a world-traveling sorcerer who happened to meet his mom then died early. It explains why his family members didn't have the spiritual powers he innately had. Anyway, it's way too far-fetched from the original ambiguous story but that's the best I can come up with for now, maintaining ambiguity is convenient after all. For a dumb scenario, it'll be interesting if Sensui's advantages of genetic lottery came from eugenics though, with his ancestors preferring to choose people with strong spiritual powers to marry. It'll be an interesting battle of ‘my genes are better than you’ between Sensui and Yuusuke if that was the case. (What?) 

Actually, when I read this again, it has very little to do with Hinduism and seems to have strayed a bit far from the original topic so sorry about that. (Thanks to this idea I have like 3 versions of how Sensui's pasts possibly can be and honestly I can even stick to one option, but then that happens a lot…) 

Unrelated but I've always found Indian dances beautiful in a way that the movements look immaculate and powerful in comparison with East Asian dances. Kali Sensui and Shiva Itsuki in which Itsuki got himself hit to stop Sensui from destroying things? (Too delusional! Time to shut up.) 

[angelnumber27]

Having and enforcing your personal boundaries is not “mean” or “bitchy” it’s necessary, healthy and important. If someone makes you feel like upholding those boundaries is a negative thing, they’re 1. Wrong 2. probably not a good person and 3. are just trying to manipulate you by attempting to break down the walls and barriers that you have built which, hmm interesting, have to exist in the first place for your protection from people like that

So let me say it again:

Having and enforcing your personal boundaries is not “mean” or “bitchy”

It is not weak, it is not selfish or stupid, it doesn’t mean you are too much or too little of anything. it’s not pathetic, it’s not lame. Its beautiful and shows that you know your worth and respect yourself . And people that think those negative ways about other peoples’ personal boundaries shouldn’t be people you should ever be around to begin with. Like the audacity of some people (mainly men ngl) never ceases to amaze me. The entitlement.. it’s wild

Distance yourself wherever possible from any type of energy like that. You don’t need that in your life, you deserve better, and you deserve full respect from yourself and others.

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[localicecreambiter]

chat, thoughts on the echoes of wisdom soundtrack?

[femslashspuffy]

I need to punch smth right now medicine is bad

[kalitheinksimp]

Erm....what is she doing in that alleyway??

[asukiess]

I think ml is best enjoyed when we all agree we watch an extremely flawed show and yet realize that most everyone just. deeply loves these characters. so many people have been watch for 5+ years—that’s a lot of emotional and life investment.

I think ppl who are overjoyed about the setup or feel at least alright with the s5 ending should talk about it; I think ppl who feel extremely let down, confused, or all around disappointed should talk about it. honestly the whole conversation has been pretty stunted the last few months which surprised me; I expected these conversations to be had july 2nd lol. and yet I think everyone has been pretty respectful to each other. I love seeing everyone’s opinion!! if someone asks for discussion or wants to see a different POV, then I think that’s great!! sometimes people just want to rant or rave though. some people will post to start an intentional discussion; some people won’t (and that’s ok!)

and if you’re someone who tries to intentionally knock someone else’s happiness with the ending, you’re lame. if you try and engage with someone who isn’t happy with it and only try and convince them as a way to “win” or you somehow feel they “don’t get it” in a very derogatory way, you’re lame. go read a fic and take a nap. there’s a lot of fun to be had in fandom so no reason to create grief lol.

[emphistic]

Knight in Drenched Armor

You cannot see. You cannot breathe. You cannot hear.

Wind whipped your hair around mercilessly and pushed your hood down every time you tried to pull it back up.

Sukuna and you had decided to take a walk, while it was still only slightly sprinkling, for God knows why. The weather app had told you there would be a 20% chance for a storm, but you both ignored it. I mean, how bad could it possibly be? —

— Very bad. Very bad. That 20% chance of rain turned into literal hail. According to your [pseudo] degree in meteorology, this was a literal tsunami.

"Oh my God, Oh my God! Hold me down! 'Kuna hold me downnnn!" You scream, tightening your already white-knuckled grip on Sukuna's coat sleeve.

"So dramatic, woman." Sukuna rolls his eyes, still not obliging, but — nonetheless — appreciating the way you were practically attached to his arm.

"Sukuna — I swear to God! I told you to buy a good, useful umbrella . . . not this cheap ass one," you rant as you continue to struggle to keep the umbrella open. A) it was folded the wrong way. B) it was opening the wrong way. And C) it wasn't even able to stay open and withstand the wind.

You turned to Sukuna, "How can you be so calm? Are you not freezing to death? How are you not soaked when this lame excuse for an umbrella isn't even working? The rain is literally smudging all my hard work, my mascaraaaa," you whined, pointing [with your free hand] at your stained cheek. "That stupid rodent better count its days. When I catch that fucking groundhog, it's over."

Your teeth chatter profusely as your knees knock against each other and your legs sway. You are finally able to keep the umbrella open when, out of the blue, a gust of wind launches you backwards. Time seems to slow down as you lose hold of your boyfriend and are catapulted right onto your ass.

Umbrella was long forgotten, as it was probably flying around somewhere and consequently ran over by a car.

Sukuna looks down at his sleeve, wondering where your hand went, and notices your lack of presence.

"The fuck?"

He looks at his palm confused, before turning his head in all directions, until he spots your figure curled up in a ball on the street. Your puffer jacket blowing in the wind.

You shiver from your spot on the ground — and decide to give up on life.

"What the hell? — Y/N!" Sukuna yells your name, avoiding all the weird stares he gets from passersby, while trying to get you to stand back up.

"Just go, it's too late for me. The groundhog has won," You moan, wrapping your arms around your torso.

Sukuna scoffs, moving towards you. But every time the pink-haired man gets closer, more gusts of wind blow you farther and farther away from him. To the point Sukuna just decides to leave you and go home alone.

Just kidding.

-

Miraculously, the both of you make it back to the apartment. Soaked, freezing, and half-dead, but still managed to get back home, yes.

You guys spent the rest of the night bathing each other and blowdrying each other's hair.

It's safe to say, Sukuna will never ask you to accompany him on a walk ever again — not wanting to risk another incident and disaster of you flying away.

Taglist: @starlets-things @sad-darksoul @mochimoee @r0ckst4rjk @lillycore @deepchromatose @yinyinyinyinyinyin

[majesticarlette]

Enemies

Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir x Ladybug!Reader

"Surrender your Miraculous, Chat Noir!" You shouted as you glare at him from above on top of the Eiffel Tower.

"Dream on, Ladybug." He smirked and fires multiple Cataclysms in your direction. You used your yo-yo as a shield to protect yourself and fled the Eiffel Tower.

The city of Paris is once again troubled by a megakuma and after you just de-evilized the butterfly, a wild Chat Noir appeared. It's exhausting to deal with two birds with one stone but it's worth it. He was able to expand his powers, making the fights between you more difficult. He could fire multiple but limited cataclysms now. If he expanded his own powers, you sure also did. It's only fair to fight a lion if you're also a lion.

Chat Noir followed you as you escape the Eiffel Tower. Fortunately, he isn't as sharp as a knife, and with your street-smarts, you were able to lose him.

"This is taking too long, I have a date later." You groaned and you activated your second lucky charm, and it gave you a superglue. At this point, you're not going to question how it is used, but to figure out what to do about it fast.

You came back to where the fight was and scanned the environment, and you didn't spot anything to use the superglue with.

"You sure ain't good at hiding, huh, Ladybug?" You turned around and saw Chat spinning his baton, and you finally knew how to end this thing at once.

"Eh, you didn't even catch up to me given your cat abilities. Lame." You rolled your eyes trying to provoke him. He charges at you, and you two get into a fight worse than a catfight.

You love angering the cat in front of you, and the way he's slowly losing his cool from you dodging his scratches satiates an itch in your brain. You don't really hate him in the beginning, you actually wanted to cooperate with this kitty but something about the two of you just don't click. He doesn't plan his punches, he's impulsive, arrogant, doesn't like getting told what to do, and claiming he's a solo flight in fights.

Even actual cats don't behave this way, they won't exert much energy for this crap. Ugh!

Chat Noir growls and starts exerting more strength in his moves trying to bring you down.

"Oh... I see sweat, Kitty. Are you having a hard time? You think you're the only cat who's gonna lose to a bug?" You laugh earning a yell of rage from him. At this point in the fight, you're just dodging his offenses and waiting for a sign to use your lucky charm.

"You think you're all that?! You can't even defeat the megakuma by yourself!"

"Please, you think you did anything? You acted like a cat who broke a glass and thinks he did something great. In short you made it way worse!" He managed to scratch your suit earning a clean incision on your arm. You flinched at the sensation and let out a gasp.

Distracted, Chat Noir took this advantage to reach his staff from behind. He extended it to knock you out of the fight.

You flew from the impact and held onto his staff. You groaned from the pain and checked yourself from any more damages. As you were standing up, Chat Noir used his extended staff to knock you out of your balance, once again falling on your ass.

He chuckled at your state retracting his staff. "You think highly of yourself--"

"And you don't?!--" You hiss

"Shh! I'm talking!" He glared at you. "This is why you're so hard to deal with, you're so stubborn!" As he was about to rant his troubles about you, he saw you wiping blood from your injured arm. His eyes grew wide, did he cause this? If he did... Why would he even care? You deserved it! You don't believe in him! Is it deep, though? It might get infected...

He shook his thoughts and tried to put his staff back but it won't budge. He furrowed his eyebrows and held onto the other end to try and get it off the other but both ended up stuck. He groans in annoyance while putting much force to get it off, yet no luck.

You laughed at the scene and stood from where you were. "I told you, you don't plan ahead. I guess curiosity really killed the cat." You used your yo-yo strings to wrap around his ankles and yanked him up on the street lamp.

"Admit defeat?" You held up the super glue you used on his staff and pinched the cheeks of his upside down face. He only furrowed his brows further. "You know your face could get stuck on that expression--" As things were getting your way, beeping was heard from the two of you. "Not now!" You retracted your yo-yo from him. "This isn't over!" You ran away, leaving him on his own.

You let out a sigh after de-transforming back to your civilian self. You were exhausted from fighting two people today. Why can't Chat Noir surrender his miraculous so you can give it to the person who deserves it, like Marinette! Why did Master Shifu give it to him to begin with?

Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone was alarmed. "Oh, no! I totally forgot!" You really need to have a hero/life balance, how will you get to know your other half if you always prioritize hero duties?

You ran your heart out to the park to meet your date today. Panting, you scanned the area to see any signs of him but he was nowhere to be seen. Yeah, he already went home, it's really rude to make your date wait for a while, he might've felt embarrassed.

Sighing for the second time, you turned around and decided to walk home. "(Y/n)! Wait!" The familiar voice alerted you and looked around for the source, and there you saw him, Adrien. He was running towards you.

"I'm sorry, I was late! We hid from the megakuma and only stepped out when it was clear." He panted, catching his breath. Yeah, you and Chat Noir really contributed to his lateness.

"Are you okay? Were you hurt from the villain?" He cupped your cheeks checking you for any injuries.

"N-no! I'm fine, really!" You tucked your hair behind your ear, feeling flustered by his presence.

Little did you know, Adrien noticed your arm injury. It's really identical to what he did to Ladybug.

Yeah, you did not only forget one thing.

[aspiringjester]

I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING (cumplane) BUILDING AGAIN

anyways I need a regular world au where people know what SQH looks like bc idk he tried to make it on social media as a writing influencer or did live streams or something BUT he has no idea what peerless cucumber looks like bc bro is ANONYMOUS

SQH is picturing between the username and the vitriolic comments about how awful the porn is that he's either some bitchass teenager or a middle aged man with nothing better to do and he seems to be So Annoyed at being called his "cute hater/#1 fan" so if course he has to be something lame right? Right?

imagine SQH's (horny) shock when they meet through whatever slapstick circumstances follow these two clowns every day of their lives and mr hater is in fact the Prettiest Twink he's seen in a MINUTE and is so easily flustered and quick to be a BITCH to him--

yeah no he needs to make this cute pretty thing his IMMEDIATELY lmao

SY of course has no idea and thinks all the time this hack author is staring at him in silence while he rants means he's making Flawless Arguments and SQH simply has nothing to fight back with so TAKE THAT HAHA YOU DUMBFUCK AUTHOR

(he doesn't get a clue for a While)

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Love you, love you, love you...

Summary: You go into your arranged marriage already distrusting your husband and all other men, and despite him repeatedly attempting to gain your favor, you are resolved to rebuke him at every turn. Will you manage to keep up the walls you’ve built to protect yourself, or will prince Beomgyu succeed in getting through your defenses?

Word Count: 11k

General warnings: oc is basically a misandrist, she will not hear gyu out, her calling him a pinhead, gyu using the word rape (no one actually gets raped), oc being a bitch about their first time and making fun of gyu’s hesitance, oc is emotionally stunted, inaccurate description of first times, beomgyu and others calling him a sissy, arranged marriages. 

Smut warnings: sub!gyu, dom!reader, riding, cunnilingus, masturabtion under guidance, edging, premature ejaculation, breeding kink, playing with nipples. 

 

“We don’t have to do this.” 

You stand in front of your newly-wedded husband, livid. 

“You think I’m too fragile to consummate my marriage?” 

“No, I–” He attempts to explain himself but you cut him off. “Just because I was forced into this marriage doesn’t mean I can’t fulfill my duties.” You growl, offended by how weak he must think you are. 

“I was just saying that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He stammers, trying to recover from his unintended offense, and you snort derisively. “It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?” 

He gulps and shakes his head. “I know you didn’t want to get married to me but I can do right by you. I will never–”

You roll your eyes, drowning out his yapping. This is your least favorite breed of men–the ones who pretend they’re not like the others. Had you been less jaded, you might’ve fallen for it, but when your own father sold you out to the highest bidder, you’d be forgiven for your lack of faith in men. 

“Shut up and take off my dress.” You cut him off. 

“You really–” He tries again and you snap, all patience gone. “Fucking do it, you sissy.” 

His jaw smacks shut and he levels you with a glare. There it is, that male aggression you’re so familiar with. He storms over to you and clumsily undoes the intricate lacing on your wedding dress, struggling with them for some time until he finally, finally pushes the dress off and it falls to the ground at your feet. 

But no further movement comes from him and you turn around to see him sheepishly looking at the floor, avoiding glancing at your bare body. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” You grunt, reaching out to take his own clothing off. He lets you do it without a fight, the only protest being his flaming red cheeks. 

You let out a laugh when you pull his pants to the floor and are greeted by the sight of his hard cock that smacks against his naked belly. “All this protest, trying to act virtuous, when you’re just as horny as the rest of the pigs.” 

That gets him angry. Good, at least it’s not fake righteousness. “I am not a pi–ah!” 

Whatever his rant was going to be is quickly cut off when you grab his cock and pump it in your hand. “You can pretend all you want but your body says it all.” 

“What? So I’m a pig for being attracted to my wife?” He manages to grit out, calling you out for your judgment of him, but you’re not interested in having this conversation right now. 

“Shut up.” You throw back lamely, getting onto the bed and spreading your legs out. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” 

But he remains rooted to his spot, scowl full-fledged on his handsome face now. “I don’t want to feel like I’m raping my own wife.” 

“Either way I have no choice.” 

“Then I’ll make the choice for us. I can sleep in a different room.” He announces, bending down to pick up his discarded clothes and you panic. Yes, you didn’t want to get married to him in the first place, but the rumors that will spread about you if people find out that your husband fled your marital bed on your wedding night,–you shudder to think of it. It’s one thing to be viewed as a pariah among your peers, but it’s another thing entirely to fuel their outlandish claims. 

“I want this!” You exclaim frantically, blushing as he gives you an incredulous look. “I want you to fuck me.” 

His will seems to weaken for a second, and he looks like he’s about to give in, but then the doubt sets in again. “You don’t really–”

At your wit’s end, you reach out to grab his arm and tug him towards you, causing him to basically stumble on top of you on the bed. 

“I’m–I’m so sorry–” He quickly apologizes even though it was clearly your fault, and he props himself up on his elbows so he’s not pressed against you. Though he curiously doesn’t stand back up, and there is one particular part of him you can feel pressed against your belly, still hard. 

“I want you to fuck me, Beomgyu.” You repeat firmly, and maybe it’s the close proximity or the feel of your skin against his hot dick, but he finally gives in. “Okay.” 

He wedges a hand between your bodies. You can’t see what he’s doing but you know he had grabbed his cock because a moment later you feel it pressed against your pussy. Harshly, you will down a shiver that tries to slither its way up your spine at the touch. 

But the strange sense of excitement is short-lived, lost in the clumsiness of the man above you trying and failing to find your entrance. 

“I just–it’s hard to see–” He explains awkwardly, pulling back to get a better look. You can’t refrain from rolling your eyes at the pitiful scene, which only makes him more nervous. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” You groan after a while of watching him fumble around with his dick, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top of him. He stares at you, wide-eyed, as you grab his dick and line it up with your entrance before you start to sink down on him. 

Your outburst may have been more powerful if you didn’t then stop one-third of the way down because of the pain. “Oh.” 

Beomgyu notices your discomfort and reaches out to hold you up. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine.” You grit, forcing yourself to take more of him. 

“Wait–take it slow–” He wheezes out, even as he clearly fights to not get lost in the feeling of your hot cunt. 

“I can take it.” You tell yourself more than him, bracing yourself as you take the rest of him in. Once you’re perched on his hips, you give yourself a moment to get used to the painful stretch. Beomgyu on the other hand is in ecstasy, his breathing heavy and his fingers clenching around your plush thighs to keep himself in check. 

Seeing him so affected by you like this is what begins to lift the shock of the pain and allows you to feel a bit of pleasure as you will yourself to relax. He just lies there all pliant and still beneath you, not once using his grip on you to make you move despite you clearly feeling his hips twitch with the attempt to hold back from thrusting up into your heat. 

“Are you a virgin?” You ask, intrigued by his reactions, and his affirmative response is a given. “Yeah…” 

If any other man had claimed virginity, especially a wealthy, privileged man like him, you would’ve called bullshit, but with him you one hundred percent believe it. 

Finally feeling like you’re ready to move, you start swiveling your hips over him, trying to stretch yourself out in preparation for more. “Is it everything you imagined it to be?” 

He shakes his head, and for a second you have to contend with the ugly feeling his rejection sparked in you. But then he continues, “It’s better.” 

You scoff. Liar. You’re barely even moving. Why is he bullshiting you? What does he stand to gain from that? Whatever, you’ll give him something to really make his head spin. 

Bracing your hands onto his tummy, you lift your hips up before letting yourself drop down. 

“Oh god.” The breath whooses out of him, and you’re surprised to find that the action actually sparks a tiny bit of pleasure in you too. So you do it again and again, moving up and down until you’re all out riding his cock. 

“That good?” You coax, trying not to think about why you even feel the need to have him affirm his enjoyment to you. 

“Too good.” He answers tightly, biting his lip. You feel his grip move from your thighs to your ass, getting more purposeful as he tries to control your movement. “Slow down.” 

Like hell you will when it just started getting good. You grab his hands and pin them down beside his head. "Keep those here, understand?" You hiss at him. You won’t let him try to control you

He whimpers, nodding, and something about his easy submissiveness makes your pussy clench. But that seems to spur him on again, and his hands shoot out to grab you once more. “Hold on!”  

You snatch his hands up and shove them onto the bed again, keeping them pinned down this time. "Shut up." He might be the man but he doesn’t get to tell you what to do. This isn’t for his enjoyment. This is purely for the purpose of fully consummating your marriage. You want this to be over as fast as possible. 

Except you didn’t expect it to be over this fast. 

“You don’t understand, I–I–” He flounders, and suddenly you feel something warm paint your insides and you stare incredulously at the panting man under you, clearly in the throes of orgasm. 

"Fuck, did you cum already?"

"I'm sorry. I asked you to slow down." He answers pathetically and you look down at him in disgust. Well, there goes any hope of you getting off tonight. Not that you expected it in the first place. 

"Whatever. This is better anyway." You go to hop off him but he reaches out and one of your arms. “Wait. I can make it up to you.” 

“How?” You ask skeptically.

"Let me make you cum."

Let’s see, do you want him to clumsily try to fuck you to orgasm for the next few minutes before he inevitably ejaculates prematurely once more? 

"No, I'm tired." You shoot him down, disinterested, but he doesn’t give up, grabbing onto you tighter and peering up at you earnestly. "Please, just give me a chance."

It’s clear that he won’t give this up. It’s probably gonna take longer to convince him to leave you alone than it will for him to try and fail to make you orgasm. So with a heavy sigh, you lie down on your back, closing your eyes and willing yourself away from this moment.  "Fine. You have one chance." 

But your eyes snap back open when you feel something wet against your pussy, and look down to see him with his head between your legs, licking you. 

Most men would never do this. They just feel entitled to getting their dicks sucked while acting like it's so gross to repay the favor. But here is Beomgyu eating you unreservedly after he just came inside you. Either he's really not as bad as the others or he's a fucking freak. Probably the latter. Definitely the latter, but that doesn’t mean you can't take advantage of it. 

Beomgyu clearly doesn't know what he's doing, clumsily licking at your pussy like it's a tart, but that's okay. You can guide him through it. That would end this sooner and you might actually get an orgasm out of it. 

"Flatten your tongue out and lick from the bottom to the top." You instruct and he eagerly obeys, licking from your entrance to your clit again and again, his eyes never leaving your face as he monitors your reaction.

“Yeah, just like that.” You encourage, starting to feel a twinge of pleasure at the pit of your stomach. “Now wiggle your tongue. Good… go back to licking.” 

You guide him, making him alternate between sharp quick movements and long languid licks along your whole slit. Every once in a while, he’d pull his tongue back in his mouth to wet it and his lips would pucker and he would suck on your sensitive pussy, making your whole body tremble. It doesn’t take him long to notice, and then he starts doing it on purpose, more frequently, sucking your lower lips or you clit into his mouth before letting them go and attacking them with sharp swipes of his tongue then licking up all the arousal his actions produce. 

You hate how quickly he picks it all up, reducing you to a shaking mess in no time. 

Nearing your end, you grab his hair and push his face against your pussy. “I’m close. Focus on the clit now.” 

He moans at that, the sound traveling straight through your pussy, and it's the push you need to cum, crying out and tugging sharply on his hair as your orgasm shakes through you. Beomgyu doesn’t mind the roughness. On the contrary, it motivates him to nuzzle further into your pussy, encouraged by your reaction and fishing for more, until you tug his hair in the opposite direction, moving him away from you. 

"Beomgyu, enough." You squeak at the overstimulation, and he whines in protest, trying to fight against your grip to dive back in but you close your legs, denying him. 

He whines again but settles on pressing wet kisses against your heated thighs, looking up at you like a pup who just finished playing and is now resting on his master's lap, and just as adorable. 

At that final disturbing thought, you push him off you and get up to grab something to slip on. Beomgyu doesn’t make any attempt to do the same, his eyes glued to your figure as you put a nightgown on. 

"Aren't you going to get dressed?" You ask, trying not to glance at his naked body that he doesn’t even try to cover. 

He shrugs. "It's too hot." 

"Well, I'd prefer if you put something on. I don't want to sleep in the same bed as a naked man." 

He looks at you like you’re being ridiculous. "We're married. We just fucked." He says slowly and you put your hands on your hips, not appreciating the way he's speaking to you like you’re stupid.

"Yeah, and now we're done. I don't want to see your floppy dick anymore." 

"It wasn't floppy." He frowns, upset at the way you're speaking about his precious dick. Typical man, the slightest suggestion that you wouldn't be grateful to see his dick hurts his pride. 

But he gets up nonetheless, quickly putting some pants on before rejoining you on the bed. He doesn’t wear a shirt and you don’t bother fighting him on this. You just turn your back to him and close your eyes, determined to go to sleep quickly and end this ridiculous night. 

But any thought of sleep is stolen from your tired brain when you feel arms wrapping around you. "What the hell are you doing?" You ask him incredulously and he stammers in response, clearly not expecting you to object to the action. "I–I just thought we could… cuddle." 

You can see the blush on his face even in the dim light. "No. No. There will be none of that. I’ve fulfilled my duty as a wife already so keep your hands to yourself." 

His face falls, hurt crashing across it, and you’re suddenly hit with the sickening realization of what's going on here. 

Beomgyu likes you. 

It should've been obvious. From the way he looks at you, to wanting to make sure you don't do anything you don't want to, to striving to please you too, and now to trying to hold you to sleep. 

Well, too bad. You don't owe him love. 

You turn your back on his dejected expression. Just because he ate you out doesn’t mean you’ll start playing at being in love. 

________________

But you learn that Beomgyu isn't so easily deterred, and he seems determined to chip away at your walls brick by brick. Though, you’re just as determined and as soon as he takes one away, you put ten in its place. 

“Darling.” 

You wince as you hear your husband’s voice call out. Damn it, he’s found you. 

He trots down to you like an excited puppy, entirely too happy to be seeing you. He can’t actually be this excited to be around you despite your constant rejection of him, can he? Why isn’t he out there with the rest of the men doing whatever the men do? 

“Oh, you’re playing chess? Can I play next?” 

“Sure. I’m done anyway.” You say, getting up and getting hit by the most puppy-like pout you’ve seen on a human. “But I thought we could play a game together.” 

“I’m tired. I want to lie down.” You lie, wanting to get away from him, but your treacherous friend chooses now to pipe up. “Oh, come one. Play a game with him. Or are you scared he’ll beat you?”

Damn her, she knows how to get to you. You know she’s doing this purely because she’s been sucked in by your husband’s guileless act and she’s been consistently trying to get you to give him a chance, telling you that maybe he really isn’t like other men. You should pick better friends. 

You huff and plop back down on your chair, your friend grinning widely as she gets up and lets Beomgyu take her spot. Whatever, you’ll beat his stupid ass and humiliate him so bad, he’ll show his true colors. Men never like to be bested by the women they look down on. 

But to your horror and utter dismay–after an embarrassingly short game where you flounder and fail to mount any meaningful attack against him–Beomgyu ends up beating. And he does it with a smile too, like it was so easy, like he was beating a child. 

“Checkmate.” He claps his hands happily. “I’m pretty good, huh?

You don’t reciprocate his excitement. Instead you level him with a cold look that projects all your shame and self-doubt into hatred and accusation towards him. "You think you're better than me?"

All semblance of joy is suddenly sucked out of him, his eyes widening in alarm. “No! I was just–”

“Let’s play again. I will beat you this time.” You pointedly assemble the pieces back on the board, slamming them into place, face set in a severe frown. 

“I just wanted us to have fun together doing something you enjoy. Maybe impress you…” He mumbles but it’s all background noise to you, already formulating a plan of attack in your mind. 

You win the next game, but you draw no satisfaction from it. How can you when your opponent clearly wouldn’t fight back? He misses obvious plays, leaves himself vulnerable to easy attacks, and his moves are devoid of the quit wit he displayed earlier. 

“Take this seriously, dammit.” You yell at him after you win once again because he just wouldn’t attack your pieces. 

Take me seriously. A voice pipes up from deep within your unconsciousness before you squash it back down. 

“Not everything is a competition.” He huffs glumly and you stare at him incredulously. “It is a competition, pinhead. That’s the definition of a game.” 

“Haven’t you heard of a friendly game?” He asks, a hint of sharpness you’re not used to from him tinging his voice. 

“We’re not friends.” You answer dumbly, and he scoffs softly. “Clearly.” 

He gets up and you gawk at him. “Where the hell are you going?”

“I’m done. God forbid I accidently make you actually have fun.” 

“Hey, I have fun!” You shout, getting up too, and he has the audacity to roll his eyes. “Yeah? When?” 

“All the fucking time.” You lie through your teeth, for some reason feeling like you need to prove yourself to him, like you need to best him at something, but he still doesn’t believe you. 

“Show me then. Let’s do something fun.” 

“Sure! Let’s go to–let’s check out the–let’s–let’s–” You stammer and he gives you a skeptical look. “Oh, fuck off. Like you have a blast every day.” 

“I do, actually.” He straightens up, happy with himself for some reason. 

“Oh yeah, then show me what you do that is so fun.”

_______________________

‘You deeply regret challenging him,’ you think as you watch the idiot that is now perched onto a tree branch, grabbing a rope that is dangling from higher up on the ancient tree. 

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” You yell, craning your head up to look at him. 

“Well, then at least you’ll be happy.” He comments off-handedly and you frown. You wouldn’t be happy if he hurt himself. Yes, you didn’t want to get married to him, but that doesn’t mean that you wish the idiot any actual harm. 

Before you can think whether to refute his words out loud, he clings onto the rope and takes off into the air, swinging over the lake under him before letting go and plummeting down into it with a big splash. 

“Oh my god!” You scream, frantically peering over the edge of the water, scanning the outpour of bubbles for signs of your dumb husband. 

After what felt like eternity, he resurfaces, whooping in excitement. “Whoah, that was awesome!” 

You give him a skeptical look, eyeing the water warily, when he pipes up again, “Try it. You’ll love it!”

“Yeah, no thanks.” You dismiss him quickly, having absolutely no desire to willingly follow him into the murky lake. 

“What’s wrong? Scared you might actually have fun?” He goads. 

Yes, you’re scared. Not of having fun, but of the ominous water. You’ve never been a big fan of swimming, not trusting your fate to the fickle gods that control those menacing depths. But you’d never tell him that. You’d rather die than admit to him you’re scared of an activity he performs so nonchalantly. 

So you steel yourself and head towards the tree he had jumped off earlier, taking off your dress to get it out of the way before climbing onto the thing. 

"Do you need help?" He calls out, swimming towards you. 

"No, thanks, I'm not a damsel in distress." You snark, grabbing onto the tree firmly and using the branches to pull yourself up. 

You can feel his eyes on you the whole way, no doubt waiting for you to fail and call for help, but he's got another thing coming if he thinks you’re a weak girl who needs a man's help to do anything physical. 

"Whoa, look at you go." His laughing voice wafts up to you and you can't tell if his surprise is good-natured or condescending. 

The climb is easy enough. You’re used to doing such physical activities, much to the chagrin of your parents who always urged you to act more ladylike and stop embarrassing them. 

'Well, fuck them, and fuck him,’ you think triumphantly as you reach the large branch he jumped off. But your triumph is short lived, promptly snuffed out by the sight of the cold abyss underneath you. 

He must've seen the dread on your face because he calls out once again. "Hey, you okay?" 

You shift your gaze from the water to his face, and the uncertain look on his face annoys the fuck out of you. You will not have him doubt you. You will not show weakness.

You grab onto the hanging rope, cringing at the slimy feel under your skin, but you power through your disgust and your fear, clinging onto the slippery thing as you swing forward. 

But can’t get yourself to let go, the dreary water swirling underneath you compelling you to cling tighter to the rope. 

"You gonna jump or what?" Beomgyu laughs and you almost don't hear him through the beating of your own heart in your ears. Still, you don't let go despite his provocation, your fingernails digging into your palms and your muscles burning as you continue to clutch onto the rope tightly. 

"Hey, don't worry. I'm right here." You hear his voice right under you, taking on a concerned tone as you clearly struggle. "Come on, let go."

You don't want to. You want to go back to shore but you're stuck, suspended in the air, the slimy substance on the rope making your fingers slip bit by bit. 

Fuck, you're gonna fall. You're gonna fall. You're gonna–

You scream as your grip finally falters and you plummet to the lake below. As you breach the surface, water rushes into your open lungs through your open mouth, suffocating you. You thrash around in panic, certain you're going to drown over a stupid dare.

You feel something grab onto you and you thrash harder, your panicked brain convincing you it’s the lake itself trying to bring you down to your demise at the cold, dark lakebed.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” You hear Beomgyu's muffled voice, followed by his face coming into view, his expression scared but trying to keep calm. "It's me. I got you."

I got you?

It takes a few more seconds for you to realize that the thing that had grabbed a hold of you earlier was not the lake but Beomgyu, and that instead of trying to pull you under, he's trying to keep your head above the water. 

As soon as you realize that, you wrap yourself around him, clinging onto him for dear life, shaking like a leaf in the wind. 

Beomgyu keeps one of his arms wrapped around your waist and moves the other one up and down your back soothingly. “I got you. You’re okay. Take deep breaths.” 

You do, following his lead, focusing on his breathing and mimicking the slowing rhythm until the both of you are sufficiently calm. 

"There you go." He smiles, no hint of judgment or mockery on his face. “You alright?” 

“I’m fucking cold.” Is all you can think to say, and he laughs, the sound warming you up. “Let’s get you out of here.” 

What? Where the hell did that come from? 

Beomgyu carries you on his back as he swims to the shore. It feels like forever but you eventually reach it, and as soon as you find your footing, you let go of him and scramble out of the water, throwing yourself to the ground. Eyes closed, you take in deep breaths, finally able to breathe properly once again. 

"Do you not know how to swim?" Beomgyu asks, and you hear him sit down next to you. 

"I know how to swim." You retort sharply, too sharply to a man who just saved your life. But you can’t help it, your pride is wounded after you embarrassed yourself like that in front of him. Besides, it was his fault all this happened anyway–him and his stupid wit and his stupid carelessness.

He is silent, but you know he clearly wants you to explain yourself. So begrudgingly, you add, "I just don't like it. The water freaks me out." 

"Then why did you–oh." That small little syllable stings at your already bruised pride. You wait for him to make fun of you but he doesn’t say anything further, mercifully choosing to spare any possible remnants of your ego. 

It’s quiet for a bit, and as you sit drying out, you feel something other than the sun burning your skin. You peek your eyes open to see him staring at you. He looks away when caught, blushing like a young boy caught staring at his crush instead of a man looking at his wife. He's ridiculous. 

"What?" You prompt irritably. 

"You're pretty." He murmurs bashfully and you scoff. "I know. That's why my father was able to sell me to a prince."

Beomgyu frowns, unhappy about you bringing this up again. Oh, did you ruin his little make-believe scene? "I didn't choose this either, you know?" 

"You sure don't seem all that torn up about it." You retort, unkind about his obvious liking towards you.

"Because I can see that even though neither of us chose this, I was blessed to end up with such a smart, strong, beautiful wife. But you clearly don't think the same of me." 

You don't think his response would elicit such a gnawing feeling of guilt inside you, but his self-pitiance coupled with his compliment of you makes you almost regret your attitude. But you refuse to give in to his guilt tripping. You don't owe him happiness. You're not going to bow down and be grateful because he deigns to like you. 

At your silence, he scoffs and gets up. You fully expect him to turn around and walk away, leaving you behind, but to your surprise he offers you a hand instead.

"Don't look so surprised. You may choose to be cruel to me but I will never treat you the same way."

The nerve of this man! God, he pisses you off so much. 

You push his hand away and pull yourself up on your own, getting dressed before stomping back towards the palace.

_______________________________

He keeps away from you after that. True to his words, he remains civil and courteous, but doesn't try to press for anything more… and you have to admit, you start to miss it. 

Not because you hold any affection for him–of course, not!--but because you're alone here with no family and so few friends. Beomgyu on the other hand is surrounded by people who are delighted to have his company, ensuring he is never wanting for company or affection. 

You on the other hand are woefully lonely, so much so that eventually you reach your breaking point, grabbing him one night while you're both getting ready for bed and kissing him. 

"What? Am I finally worthy of your affection?" Beomgyu derides when you break the kiss. You have no right to be upset at his abrasiveness when you're the one who caused it but you still are. Why can’t he just shut up and give you what you need? Why must he make you feel even more embarrassed about your need for him? Not that you’d ever admit either to him. 

"I'm in my fertile period. We need to make a baby." You cover your tracks, and he somehow still manages to be hurt by your response, as if he was actually expecting you to confess your undying love to him. "Wow, that is so sexy."

You roll your eyes and slip off your dress. "Is this sexy?"

He doesn’t even try to hide the way he ogles your body and you laugh, stripping him before pushing him onto the bed. "I thought so." 

_______________________

As punishment for forcing you to almost reveal your alarmingly developing need for him, you concoct a cruel plan designed to repay him tenfold. You set out to satisfy your need while simultaneously maximizing his own by restricting any sexual intercourse between the two of you to your fertile period of every month, and spending the intervening time alternating between depriving him of your touch and teasing him until he’s begging you to let him have you. 

He comes to memorize your schedule and, like a trained dog, starts getting restless close to the when you’d be fertile, staring at you like he's fucking you in his head, humping the bed in his sleep, sporting a semi-permenant hard on as the day draws closer. 

"Did I say you could slow down?"

You take to edging and denying him during your sex-free periods on the pretense that you want him to be full and ready to breed you when the time comes. It's bullshit of course and he knows it too, but he wants to have a family with you so much and wants to please you so badly that he lets you do whatever you want to him. 

"I'm close." He tries to excuse his disobedience but you have no patience for it. 

"You can hold it." You assert, knowing full well he's near his breaking point, but it's just so fun to watch him fight with his own body to try to please you, caught between continuing as you want and risking cumming and angering you or stopping and angering you by disobeying. 

"I can't." He shakes his head, despairing. 

"You can." You say more gently this time, going for a different tactic, though no less devious. "You want to knock me up don't you? Wanna see me get big and round with your baby?"

"Fuck, stop it." He whines, his hand barely moving over his cock but not daring to stop. 

"You're so pretty like this." You coo, knowing he's a sucker for your compliments. They're rare but he lives off of them.

"Oh." He gasps, speeding his pace on his cock, needing to hear more. You can see the muscles of his tummy tensing as he tries to hold back but his hips can't help but buck into his own hand. "Please. Just let me cum once. My balls are so full. I'll have so much for you still. It's been so long." 

God, you love making him do this. He'll do anything you ask of him. Maybe he's rotten like all men but at least his brand of sickness is fun to watch.  

"It hasn't been one week. Are you that addicted to sex? Did you fuck yourself every day before I came along?" 

He shakes his head, denying your accusations. "You keep teasing me, wearing those revealing clothes to bed. Touching me under the table. Whispering dirty things in my ear when we have company…" 

"You love it, you dirty pup. I know you do."

"I love it. Love you touching me, love you toying with me, love you…"

He doesn't finish that lost one. He doesn't get to–or maybe that was the end of the sentence-before he suddenly spills his seed. 

"Oh god. Oh god, I'm so sorry." He cries, just as surprised about his orgasm as you were. "I didn't mean to, I swear." 

"But you did." You tsk, intent on milking his "disobedience" to death and making him whimper and cry like a scolded dog. But the sheer panic in his reply throws you off. "I know. I'm sorry. I tried to–" His voice cuts up in a hiccuping cry. "I tried to–tell you–to stop–I couldn't–help–ittt."

You stare at him in shock. He has tears streaming down his face, shoulders going up and down with every gasping breath he takes, and his hands are hovering nervously in the air as if he wants to reach out to you but is scared of what your reaction would be. 

So you take it upon you to reach out to him instead, holding his hands in yours as you scooch towards him. "Hey, hey, it's okay."

"No, it's not." He shakes his head vigorously, tears flying off his pretty lashes. "I try so hard to be good for you and I can't even control myself. I know you’re mad."

"I'm not mad." You deny, but he just keeps shaking his head and mumbling sadly, "Didn’t mean to disappoint you."

"I'm not disappointed." You reassure him, more firmly this time. "It's just a game."

"You are–"

He obviously won't listen to your words so you go for a different route, cutting him off with a kiss that, thankfully, he easily melts into. 

The kiss is tender–every diminishing sob released against your lips unwillingly tugging on your heartstrings until you feel completely wretched for somehow making it so he reacted so strongly to something so stupid. It was never your intention to make him actually suffer. You merely wished to protect yourself. But how do you do that when your distance is what's making him so miserable?

You do not owe him your love but does that mean that he can't earn it?

"I'm not mad." You repeat when you end the kiss and he nods, eyes glued to your lips as he licks his own, his wish clear. But before he can ask for another kiss, you choose instead to let go of him to grab something to clean him up with. 

He never takes his eyes off you as you wipe his hands off and clean the cum off his body. And he still stares at you as you dispose of the rag and lay back down on the bed. 

"What?" You ask, sharper than you intended and he flinches. So you try again, gentler this time. "Do you need something?"

He stares down at his hands as he speaks, wringing his fingers nervously. "Will you hold me to sleep?"

Your following silence prompts him to finally look up at you, and the wet, vulnerable look in his big brown eyes physically prevents you from rebuffing his request. 

You sigh, throwing an arm out pointedly and he doesn't waste a second jumping forward and snuggling into your side. 

__________________

That small action--Beomgyu having you hold him to sleep instead of the other way around–makes you realize something that should've been obvious to you from the start… unlike other men, and despite your worst fears, Beomgyu isn't looking to control or lead you. 

He never did, from your sex life to what you do in your free time and even to public appearance, he lets you do as you please, only ever venturing to appeal to be included in it. You've even embarrassed him in public a couple of times before and yet he never lashed out against you in any way. 

Other people were decidedly less kind though. You know they're gossipping about you. How you're a shame to other ladies and he's a disgrace to his family and the prince title. It gets to a point where you can't help but inquire about it to him, perplexed by his seeming indifference to what anyone else had to say. 

"Does it not bother you?" 

"What does?" He peeks an eye open to look at you from where he is laid down on the grass next to you, another successful hijacking of your time. 

"What they say about you?" You spare him the details he knows all too well–that he's not a man, that he isn't fit to be a prince, that he's so weak and feeble even his wife rules him 

"It does, of course. Everyone seeks to be accepted by others-be it friends, family, society, a lover…" He trails off tenderly, and you ignore the longing look he gives you. "But I have a loving family, supportive friends, and a secure life. I'd be a foolish man indeed to ignore all of that and spend my days trying to gain the approval of those who think ill of me." He says with a smile that suddenly and unexpectedly falls, "Why? Does it bother you? Me not being manly?"

"Would you change if it did?" You ask curiously and he frowns in thought before answering. "No, I want you to be happy with me, but I want to be happy too. I want us both to be happy." 

"Why do you want me to be happy so badly?" You ask genuinely. It might be a stupid question to ask your husband but the sad reality is most husbands don't care much for their wives happiness. 

"I believe a marriage should be built on respect and affection. Your spouse is meant to be your life partner, they’re there to witness it all, your everyday life, your ups and down, the mundane and the exciting. Why not try to make the best of those years? Why not be each other's rock when the world tears you down?" He espouses thoughtfully, a wiseness you never expected from him coming through, making him look mature and worldly. But then an innocent bashfulness takes over his face and he returns back to the boyish prince you’ve come to know. "And… I've always had a crush on you."

"Me?" You ask, surprised. You’ve met the prince many times before. You were hardly strangers before your marriage, but you wouldn’t have considered yourselves friends and certainly didn’t suspect that he held any romantic sentiment towards you. But you suppose that explains his existing partiality towards you despite your less than sweet reaction to the marriage. 

"I have always loved how bold you were despite everyone trying to force you to fit the status quo. It gave me courage to be myself too. I thought if you could manage to act so decidedly outside of what is deemed proper for a lady and still remain the most radiant and exhilarating woman in the room, then maybe others could find beauty in me too." 

You gape at him, at a loss for words. He finds the parts of you that are so repulsive to everyone else attractive? Is he messing with you? Is this some cruel joke? Or is he actually telling the truth? 

You so badly want to believe him, but you can’t bring yourself to. It’s too good to be true. 

"Did you ever… think of me that way?" He asks timidly, not daring to look at you, fearing your response, and for once, you feel saddened that you’re unable to give him the answer he’s looking for. 

"No." You tell him honestly. You haven’t given him much thought before you got married. Sure, you could see that he was handsome, and he had always made himself known by his unusual behavior but other than that you hadn't really paid much attention to him, too caught up with your own troubles to pay any mind to his. You come to regret that now. At the very least, you might’ve made yourself a friend who would accept you for who you are. Or so he claims anyway. 

"What about now?" His follow-up question is even more timid, whispered so quietly you almost didn't hear it. And you wish you didn’t because you don't have any answer for it. 

"Let's not go there." You reply uncomfortably, getting up in order to physically remove yourself from the loaded question, refusing to consider that you might actually have developed any affection for him. 

But Beomgyu quickly sits up and holds onto your hand. "No, please, don't leave. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He begs dolefully, which doesn't help your uneasiness in the slightest bit. 

"It's fine." You lie to no one's benefit. "I just have things to do." You excuse yourself unconvincingly, taking your leave before he can fully articulate his next argument. 

You hate seeing him so down, but what can you do when he insists on breaching this delicate topic again and again? You have no answer for him, you really don't. Why must he keep prodding? 

____________________

"Is it time to go to bed yet?" Beomgyu whispers in your ear. He has been giving you needy looks the whole night, when he wasn't actively hanging onto your arm like he is right now. 

It's the first day of your fertile period, and like you always do, you love to stay out as long as possible just to torment your poor husband. And lucky you, tonight there was just the perfect excuse to stay out even later–a ball hosted by the royal family and inviting noble and rich families from all over the kingdom. 

"We're the hosts. It would be rude to leave this early." You tell him sharply as if you weren’t counting on him acting this very way, as if you’re not immensely enjoying it.

"But it's been hours." He whines and you feel him grind not-so-subtly against you. 

"Are you seriously humping me in the open like this?" You ask incredulously, "Can't you control yourself?"

He shakes his head. "You know I can't." He tells you helplessly and you smile. Yes, you know very well. "I need it."

You chuckle. "Oh, you need it? What if I don't give it to you?" 

He wails at the idea and a few heads turn towards you. 

"Don't worry. He just hit his toe against the chair." You wave the curious and concerned glances off before turning towards Beomgyu with a sharp look. "Now look what you've done. Do you want everyone to know what a needy whore you are, my dear?"

"I don't care. Just need you." Throughout it all he hasn't quit pressing his bulge against your hip. 

"That's too bad because we're staying for some time still. Now run off and talk to your father's guests and stop being such a rude host."

"But–"

You disentangle yourself from him despite his protests. "Go or you won't be getting fucked tonight." You threaten against his ear before pressing a quick kiss to the skin below, causing goosebumps to erupt in your wake. 

You walk off with a big, self satisfied smile, your excitement building as you imagine how desperate he'll be once you actually take him back to bed. You wonder if you can get him to cum untouched. He has very sensitive nipples and you've always wondered if you can actually make him cum just by playing with them. You’re sure you can. Maybe tonight you'll try. 

You’re so focused on what you have in store for your poor husband that you don't notice the two people approaching you. 

"Oh darling, look how happy you look." You hear your mother's voice next to you and your mood immediately sours. You turn towards the pair with a scowl. "Hello, mother. Hello father."

"Hello, dear. How is my precious flower doing?" Your father asks, leaning forward to give you a kiss on each cheek that you don't reciprocate. 

"Deflowered." You deadpan. 

"Oh, come off it, baby. You know your father chose Prince Beomgyu because he was sure he would cherish you. That boy positively adores you." Your mother chastises, and you frown. Did your family seriously know of Beomgyu’s feelings towards you before you did? "And from what I'm hearing, he's doing just that. I mean even today, he can hardly leave your side for a minute." 

You snort. If only she knew what was really going on... But to be fair, they weren't entirely wrong. Beomgyu does cherish you. That doesn't mean that you'll let them feel good about what they did. 

"Your mother is right, love." Your father says gently but firmly, "We just wanted to ensure a good life for you with a man who adores you as much as we do. You are our only child and if you hadn’t gotten married, you would have been the object of many a wicked man's greed." 

You roll your eyes at them. You could’ve handled yourself just fine. Not that they ever believed in you. "Whatever." 

Are you being immature? Yes, but you’re still bitter about them not giving you a choice in the matter or even the man you were to marry, even if their choice turned out to be decent. 

"Excuse me. I have to go find me dear husband." You give them a sour smile and turn you back on them. Their worried murmurs fade into the background noise as you step away from them and search for Beomgyu in the crowd, determined to go back to your room now. 

When you spot him though, your mood takes an even more severe plunge. He's not alone, and the way he's entertaining the guest is way more intimate than you had instructed. The woman next to him is standing way too close to be proper, and she has one of her hands on his shoulder and the other one trailing down his chest. 

Of course. Typical man behavior, as soon as you're out of sight he's wrapped up in some other woman’s arms. And here you thought he actually cared. 

A dull pang starts out from the middle of your chest before it quickly spreads all across your ribcage in sharp stabs that take your breath away– a testament to the hurt you're feeling at this betrayal. He really got you fooled, huh?

You were contemplating whether to march off and slap the both of them silly or go back to your room, locking him out and crying your eyes out, when you hear his panicked voice floating into your full ears. 

"I'm married!" He stammers, trying to wiggle out of the woman's hold on him but she just steps closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him.

A rage like no other fills up your body at the sight, searing off the wounds that were just covering it from the perceived betrayal, but you force yourself to stand still and watch how this will play out. 

"So? All princes take mistresses. I hear she's not even letting you fuck her. What a heartless bitch." 

That’s it! You make a move to step forward and smack her filthy hands off your husband, but he does it himself, throwing her hands off him angrily. 

"Don't you dare speak about her that way." He shouts, furious in a way you've never seen him before. "She is my wife and I love her. She satisfies me much better than you could ever hope to do. I want no one else but her so kindly fuck off before you embarass yourself any further." 

You freeze. Beomgyu loves you?

Yes, you knew he liked you and he was never shy about expressing it, but love? 

It's at this moment, while you're rooted to your spot in shock, that Beomgyu finally sees you. A big smile replaces his affronted expression as he calls out to you. "Oh, darling there you are!"

But then he notices the look on your face and his own expression pales, his eyes jumping between you and the woman who is still standing next to him. "It's not what you think. I told her to back off, I swear."

Oh, he must think you're upset because of her. Well, you were but not at him. Not after he proved himself right in front of you. Still, this is a good distraction. It's better that he thinks that. You can't discuss the other thing now. You can’t even process it yet.

You quickly compose yourself and walk up to them, wrapping your arm around his waist and giving him a sweet kiss on his lips. "I saw." You smile at him before turning your withering gaze towards the woman. "You heard him. Fuck off and go find another man to lay under." 

The woman scoffs and walks off, shouldering you as she goes, but you don't care. You turn back to Beomgyu, and whisper cryptically to him. "I want to speak to you, dear. In private."

His eyes widened in fear. "Darling, I'm sorry–I really tried–"

"Let's go." You snap, pulling him after you into the garden. 

You choose a place deep enough into the garden you're sure no one will see you before you push him against a tree. 

"You just attract them, don't you?" You raise an eyebrow at him, pressing your thigh between his legs. "Standing out there looking all needy and pretty."

"I told her to go away." He cowers pitifully, but he’s already rutting his cock against your thigh. 

"But she just wouldn’t, huh?" You ask with mock sympathy, "You're just a helpless slut aren't you? Need me to be around you all the time to keep you in place?"

"No." He whines, shaking his head roughly. "I can behave. I can be good."

You spit on your hand and put it down his pants, stroking his cock and making him keen and melt into your touch. "Look how easily you give in." You tsk, "How long would you have held out if she did that?"

Beomgyu shakes his head again, tears brimming his pretty eyes. "Never would've given in. Only yours."

"Aw, how cute. This cock is only for me?" You murmur against his lips, palming the head of his cock and feeling his precum already leaking and wetting your hand. 

"Everything. I'm all yours." He confesses, his eyes conveying an affection so strong, you can't weather it. You take your hand out of his pants and flip the both of you around so you're the one pressed against the tree. "Fuck me." 

"Here?!" He gapes. 

"Yes. Want you here." 

"But anyone can see." He looks around as if searching for those phantom voyeurs. 

"Didn’t you say you’re all mine? Show them." You press your lips against his, coaxing him into giving in with sweet kisses that he craves. 

“Honey…” He whines, but you wrap one leg around his waist and pull him against you, his body reacting on its down and his hips bucking against you, his cock searching for your warmth that you’ve kept away from him for so long. 

You ignore his half-hearted protest, pulling his cock out of his pants and lifting the skirt of your dress up so he can feel you directly. His breath leaves him when he feels his cock glide against your wet pussy. “Oh… you’re not wearing anything underneath.”

“Uh-huh.” You nod, biting your lip and looking at him seductively. “Wanted to be all ready for you to take me. Didn’t know you’d be entertaining other women.” 

You’re really dragging out this other woman farce, partly because it’s fun watching him scramble to deny it and appease you, and partly because you feel entitled to him as your husband. You’re not going to be the woman forced to marry a man, only for him to cheat on her too. 

But still, you can’t deny the jealousy and hurt you felt seeing him with someone else after he’s spent the last few months professing his affection to you and forcing his way into your life. He said it’s only you he wants, right? Well, you want him to act like it, damned by the reasons behind your unwelcome feelings. 

Beomgyu’s eyes widen in horror and he finally presses forward, pushing his cock into you in one needy thrust. “No! Was only thinking about this pussy. I promise.” He wails in earnest, “Only want you.”

His words are like a balm to your wounded ego, and you reward him with a messy, open-mouthed kiss–the kind you know gets him all riled up. “Then fuck me like it.” 

“Yes, darling.” He holds up the leg you have wrapped around him with one hand and uses the other to grab your waist and press you flush against the tree, stabilizing you so he can drill his cock into you, an urgency to his movements that tops even your previous encounters. 

“Good boy.” You pant, feeling his cock hitting places deep inside you that have your toes curling. "Is this what you wanted all month?"

"Yes, baby. Been thinking of it every night, wished you would just flip over onto your tummy and let me fuck you." 

You grin evilly. “I know, baby. I felt that hard cock against me every night. Loved to wake up with it pressed right between my asscheeks.” 

“You’re so cruel.” He mewls, fucking into you desperately, making up for all the torture you put him through. 

“I know.” You laugh, trailing your hands up his body to play with his sensitive nipples, and when your thumbs brush over them, his hips stutter and he rewards you with the most debauched moans. 

“Fuck, don’t do that or I’ll cum.”

“But I want you to cum.” You retort, pulling lightly on his hardened nipples and causing his hips to give a particularly harsh thrust. "Cum inside me. Knock me up. Let them all know who you belong to."

Your words drive him crazy, and soon he’s fucking into you like a wild animal. "Fuck, you’re going so rough. Were you that needy?"

“Yes.” There is no shame in his reply, just pure want. He's not shy about letting his need for you show, his mouth wide open, panting heavily, and eyes glazed over as his hips slam against yours. "Thank you. Thank you for letting me inside your pretty pussy."

Just his face brings you close to the edge, and his wild thrusts threaten to push you over at any moment. 

"Look how slutty you look." You tease, cupping his face. "Are you all pussy-drunk, my dear?"

He nods, leaning into your touch and only managing a few garbled moans in response. 

"That's okay, pup. All I need from you is your pretty cock. You don't need to have any thoughts in that pretty head of yours. Just keep fucking me like a good boy." 

He nods again, enraptured, and his blind obedience finally sends you over the edge. 

“Fuck–fuck–good boy… good boy.” You moan out, the praise coming out long and slow as your body tenses up before spasming, your pussy milking his cock and drawing his own orgasm out of him. 

Beomgyu buries his face into your neck, letting out choked moans that later turn into heavy pants as his high crashes through his body. But even when his breathing settles down, he is reluctant to pull away from you. 

“Beomgyu?” You call out. He lets out a small hum and nuzzles further into your skin, mumbling something that you can’t quite hear.

“We need to go.” You start again, the leg he’s still holding up starting to cramp while the cool air bites at it, and he whines. “But this feels too nice.”

You smirk. “What does? Your cock all warm and snug inside my pussy?”

You feel his cock twitch inside you and he nods. “Yeah. Also this.” He says, running kisses up your neck that makes you shiver. “You never let me do this much.” 

You know. You only allow these intimate moments after sex, not wanting a repeat of what happened before, but also needing to limit them to protect yourself. Which is exactly why you want him to pull away now. 

“We have to go.” You repeat, jostling him a little bit, feeling your heart picking up at the precarious moment. You feel him sigh against your skin, and he finally pulls back. “Okay. Let's go to bed.” 

“Oh, we’re not going to bed. We’re rejoining the ball.” You say nonchalantly, holding back your laugh at the way he gapes at you once again. 

"But–but…." He stammers, his eyes raking over your body. 

"But your cum is dripping down my legs? I know." You smirk evilly, pulling him behind you. 

___________________

You and Beomgyu are stuck in a limbo of your own making, unable to let him in fully but also unwilling to shut the door in his face, stubbornly thinking that this way you’ll be saving yourself from any heartache. But can you really make that claim anymore when seeing him hurt himself over you wounds you just as much? 

That is the precise situation you find yourself in right now, running towards one of the rooms you’ve just been informed that Beomgyu and your previous suitor, Yeonjun, are dueling within. 

You expect this foolishness from Yeonjun. He has always been brash and hard-headed, always reaching for his sword when his words meet resistance. But Beomgyu? Has that idiot ever even been in a duel before? 

Your heart hammers in your chest as you run, images of Beomgyu struck down and bleeding coming unbidden to your mind. Fuck, if that idiot got himself hurt over some inane dick-measuring contest, you’re going to kill him yourself. 

When you gain entrance into the room and peek Beomgyu’s fallen form through the gaps in the crowd that formed around the two men, your heart falls to your feet and you get ready to grab Beomgyu’s sword and strike down Yeonjun yourself. 

But then you hear Yeonjun speak to him. “Come on, get up. Be a man.” 

After which a member of the crowd comments snarkily, “You’ve got the wrong person. If you want a fight then you need to look for his wife. She wears his balls around her neck.” 

You see red as you shove your way through the crowd and into the clearing in the middle. “Who said that?” You growl, surveying the crowd. No one speaks, and you laugh hauntingly. “Come on, show me how much of a man you really are. Surely, you’re not afraid of me, a woman?” 

Again, no one speaks up, and you scoff. “Of course, you are all a bunch of cowards who like to bully good people in order to feel better about your own vile, miserable selves.” 

“Hey, don’t speak to my men like that.” Yeonjun interjects and you shoot him a withering look. “What men? All I see are a bunch of dogs sniffing up their master’s ass.” 

At the insult, one of the men steps forward threateningly, but Yeonjun holds him back. 

“What? Are you going to hit a woman?” You challenge and he spits. “What woman? All I see is a rabid bitch.” 

No sooner had the man spoken than he was on the floor, felled by a punch from Yeonjun. “Don’t you dare speak to a lady like that.” 

The man looks furious but he holds his tongue, not daring to defy his master, choosing instead to get up and storm out. A few other men follow suit but Yeonjun ignores them, turning towards you, “I’m sorry about that, my lady. Please accept–”

“I will accept nothing. What gave you the right to come here and attack my husband?” You growl at him, walking towards Beomgyu and helping him off the floor. But Beomgyu doesn’t even glance at you, keeping his gaze on the floor and making you feel uneasy. 

“I wanted to see what you left me for.” He mutters bitterly, as if you had been together and you had left him to be with Beomgyu. He’s so fucking delusional. 

Yeonjun and you used to be childhood friends, and you suppose he assumed on the basis of that and by merit of him being the son of one of the most wealthy and influential men in the whole country, that you’d fawn at his feet and accept his hand when he proposed to you. 

But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. You liked Yeonjun well enough as children, but as you grew up he turned into a controlling asshole who tried to tell you what you can and cannot do, already acting as if you were his woman, something which you despised and have expressed so to him repeatedly. You don’t know how he could possibly have thought that you’d actually accept his hand in marriage but his scandalized reaction served to cement your decision even more. 

“I didn’t leave you for anyone. If you were the last man on earth, I still wouldn’t have picked you.” 

Yeonjun’s face grows pale at the harsh proclamation, but you don’t stay back to wait for his response, barking at one of the servants to help you take their prince back to his bed. 

______________________________________

But Beomgyu’s weird behavior persists even when you’re alone, and when you attempt to tend to his injuries, he withdraws from you harshly. 

"Why are you doing this? Am I so pathetic that even you feel sorry for me?" He hisses in disgust. 

"What has gotten into you?" You snap back, not willing to take shit from him too. 

"You want someone like him, don't you?” He accuses bitterly, and when you give him a confused look he continues. “Don’t deny it. You were childhood sweethearts. He told me you were set to be married before your parents forced you to marry a sissy like me."

"And you believed him?" You balk and he scoffs, looking away. "Then you’re even more of an idiot than I thought you were."

His head snaps back to stare at you, eyes glistening with tears. “You think I’m an idiot?” 

That’s what he focuses on? “Of course. You must be if you honestly think that I ever even entertained marrying that sexist, disgusting, pompous asshole."

“Then why did he say that?” He asks in a small voice and you yell out in frustration, “Because he can’t fathom how I can be happy with you and not him when everyone around him licks the ground he walks on.”

“You-you’re happy with me?” He peers up at you through his wet lashes and your heart hurls itself against your ribcage at the hope you see in his eyes. 

"Yes, I am.” You admit, and watch as the bright rays of happiness start to shine across his face, before they’re covered by another gloomy cloud. He shakes his head. “You just want someone weak to control. That’s why you like it with me.” 

You grab his face, a little rougher that you probably should but he was really pissing you off. “No, I want a man who is secure in his manhood that he doesn’t need to engage in these stupid dick measuring contests to feel good about himself. I want a man who is secure enough in himself that no matter how much I challenge him, he never lashes out at me for it. I want a man who even though I’ve been nothing but a bitch to him again and again, he still stuck by me because he saw the good in me when everyone else saw fault. I want you.” 

Beomgyu shoots forward, meeting your lips with his in a passionate kiss that you gladly reciprocate. He has been so brave for you. You can learn to be brave for him too.  

“I love you.” He professes when the need for air forces him to pull away. 

You cup his cheeks gently, staring into his kind eyes and hoping he’d be kind to you one more time, even if you don’t deserve it. “Just give me some time, okay? I promise I’ll get there if you give me a little more time.” 

That feeling of dread you get when you rebuff one of his advances and sit in fear of him finally getting sick enough of you to stop trying bubbles in your stomach as you wait for his response. But Beomgyu is even more merciful than you had ever dreamed of and his gentle smile washes away all your fear. 

“I will wait for as long as you need me to. I will never give up on you. I just needed to know that you wanted it too.” 

“I do. I really do. I want you.” Tears flow down your face unbidden and you let yourself be pulled into his warm embrace. 

This is what you could have if you could just learn to trust him–to really let yourself be cared for and loved without constantly being on the lookout for an inevitable betrayal. He can give you that. You know he can, and maybe with time, you too can give him everything he deserves. 

_____________________________

A/N: well there you go. honestly it came out a lot different than i had anticipated and a lot shorter, but i hope you still like it anyway. let me know which prince gyu is your favorite, yamqn pyscho prince gyu or sweet playful love you prince gyu?

if you can guess why the title is that, you get a treat.

[kissohee]

bestfriend!sub!sohee x reader ☆ nsfw ; wc : 1.1k ☆ one-shot mdni! synopsis; your best friend spills that he has never gotten a blowjob before. what kind of friend would u be to not give him his first. warnings; use of good boy, cum eating @wontonstaro!

You knew Sohee like you knew the back of your hand. Unless it was about his sexual life. Sohee never opened up to you about how he spent his time in the bedroom, and you honestly didn't care. It didn't bother you if he never wanted to open up like that.

You on the other hand, had almost zero shame with him. If it was about a guy, you would give the most detail possible, maybe even sometimes acting it out so he'd understand the full picture, and he didn't mind.

Sohee actually like that you were comfortable enough with him to even share things like that. Thing was, Sohee hadn't really experienced much. Everything he had experienced was through you.

Guy couldn't find your clit? In his head he'd note to look for it first. Guy used to much tongue? He'd note to not do that. Guy didn't make you cum? He's sure with the amount of information he has from you, he could.

The most he got was a hickey, his hand, and a lame dry humping session with his ex-gf. He didn't seek out sex either, but yeah sometimes he was a little jealous of the guys you spoke about.

You actually had so much experience that it made him a little embarrassed inside. You had done almost everything he'd watch on porn sites, and could probably write a sex book if you really wanted too.

But you'd much rather spend your time ranting or storytelling to him.

"He brought me back to his house," you start telling Sohee about the date you with some random guy your other friend had tried setting you up with, "His house.. on a first date!" You lay down on his bed, Sohee sitting up across from you.

"Okay?" He raises an eyebrow at your complaining, "That's a problem, why?"

"Well. We just met and I wasn't look for a one night stand." You state as if it was obvious, "But he kept begging me for a blowjob!"

"He was begging you for one?" Sohee hated to admit that sometimes he would get lost at your stories. Why would someone ever beg someone for a blowjob? Was it ever that serious?

"Yeah he kept going on about how it was all he could think about whenever I opened my mouth or talked. Perfect size or whatever. What a creep." You pout thinking about the bad experience.

Sohee watched as you talked, now that you pointed it out, he couldn't stop staring at your mouth. Hes never gotten a blowjob before but now that it's in his mind, he does think you have a nice mouth shape.

Sohee was too busy looking at your mouth to take notice in the way he was starting to strain in his pants. "Sohee? Are you listening?"

"Huh?" He looks at your eyes and nods, "Yeah sorry continue."

"Were you trying to see if my mouth would be a perfect size for your dick?" You caught him in the act, but you weren't mad. You actually let out a small laugh to make sure he doesn't think you are upset about it.

"No!" He immediately defends himself, "Well... kind of? I've never had a blowjob so I wouldn't know what a perfect size is or anything like that. Like it's your mouth I dont understand how-"

"You what?!" He gets interrupted, your eyes widen when you process Sohee's sudden confession.

"I've never gotten a blowjob before.." He almost whispers, head shrinking into his shoulders.

"Like ever?" Your mouth finally noticing the bulge in his pants.

"Not really.."

"Do you want one?" Sitting up, you look at him with a smile on your face.

Sohees mind goes blank. Did you just offer to give him a blowjob? His best friend? Should he accept?

"Uh..." he trails, unsure if he should say yes. You like jokes, what if you're joking? If he says yes and you're joking, he might as well just die there.

"Sohee it's a simple question. I'm very willing to give you a blowjob, I think we trust each other enough."

"Sure." He says with a slight nod, watching you as you make your way to him. Sitting on your knees in front of him, the way you look up at him already has him in shambles.

You help unzip his pants and pull his boxers down. Sohee truly believes hes dreaming right now, lifes not real, you're actually not on your knees in front of him but at your house. The second your hand comes in contact with his cock, he's reminded that this really is his reality.

"Cute.." You whisper to his cock before softly licking his tip. Sohee shuts his eyes and when you do it again, his whole body shivers. Nothing has ever felt so good to him in his entire life.

"S-shit." He curses when your mouth fully takes his cock, the feeling of him hitting the back of your mouth making him twitch.

You remove your mouth to look up at him, "Look at that.. Perfect fit." Your eyes look so pretty from his point of view.

You place your mouth on his cock again, this time gliding your tongue all around it. Sohees eyes are shut, your spit feeling warm against him.

You bob your head, earning small moans from him, his hands holding him up. He feels so good he swears he'll faint when he cums, and he almost does when you moan against his cock.

The feeling sending vibrations, causing him to accidentally thrust his hips foward, making you gag. "Sorry.." He moans when you lick his tip again.

His hands start to curl up, holding onto his bedsheets as his breathing gets heavier.

The feeling is unreal, he does everything he can to not fuck your mouth, you're already feeling so good on him.

He used to be upset that he never got to experience much, especially at his age, but now he's starting to feel better about it. He's sure no one could've given him a better blowjob than you currently are.

You feel him twitch in your mouth, taking it a sign to go faster. Drool dripping out the sides of your mouth.

His moans get louder and more frequent as you're sure he's close. His face scrunches up as his head falls back.

"Fuck..." he grunts, the feeling of his climax only inches away. He opens his eyes and makes eye contact with you. The image of you looking up at him while your sucking him off forever engraved in his memory.

You take your mouth off of him, but continue stroking him. Your mouth wide open, ready for him to cum.

And when he does, he's a moaning mess. His cum shoots straight into your mouth and he watches as you swallow his cum and lick the cum around your lips.

"Good boy," you smile innocently at him, as if you hadn't just been doing far from innocent things to him, "How'd that feel?"

His eyelids heavy as a smile crept onto his face, "Really good. Thanks."

😭 my poor baby sohee never has fics on here 💔 - 🐠

[juniperhillpatient]

I have talked about this a lot before but it’s on my mind & also it’s something that really should be discussed more in Buffy fandom -

People are constantly talking about how Spike defies all the rules Buffy was taught about demons & vampires & rightfully so. A vampire falling in love with a slayer & fighting for his soul for her is such a romantic notion & I do love it but the nuance of Spike’s arc is even more interesting than that! He does love Buffy but not only that he befriends the Scoobies too. He brings flowers for Joyce after she dies. He helps prove that Tara is not a demon when her family tries to gaslight her & isolate her. He becomes a pseudo big brother to Dawn.

And yet none of that is even what I’m here to talk about! Spike IS a hero & he does have a long spanning redemption arc before the soul (& we’re NOT here to talk about Seeing Red right now, as usual that topic is too expansive & requires its own post) that should be acknowledged & his character is rightfully praised but he is NOT the only exception to vampires having nuance & it drives me crazy that we act like he is. The Judge isn’t just talking to Spike when he says this:

“You TWO.” He’s talking about Drusilla too! He says that they share affection & jealousy. That Angelus in his total sociopathic lack of human emotion is the odd one here.

Then you have things like this -

Conversations with Dead People has Buffy sharing a very long & deep conversation with an old acquaintance turned vampire. And it’s far from the only example in universe of a vampire retaining some sense of camaraderie with people from their life!

That’s right this entire rant has been a lead up to talk about my best girly Harmony Kendall. You’ve fallen for my ruse if you’ve read this far muahaha! Admittedly Harmony’s strongest moments are mostly unfortunately on Angel but even in season four of Buffy when she dates Spike she is clearly intended at times to be sympathetic. Season 4 is also interesting because we see a lot interactions between various gangs of vampires like Harmony’s so-called minions & even Sundays gang where they’re very much evil but also sharing in living (existing?) space & acting like bickering roommates or siblings. Like creatures with bonds & personalities & intricacies.

The point I’m trying to make is that the show never truly wants to grapple with the existence of Spike in all his nuance but it’s also not just about him! In general there is so much to grapple with in the idea that vampires can change & be redeemed & I’m not saying I’m anti scary evil vampires I’m just saying the universe gave us these hints of nuance & then the characters never grappled with it & that’s lame. For Buffy killing things that have a shot at redemption however small would be a major emotional blow if she ever addressed it! Especially in her season 5 “am I just a killer 🥺” arc. Let’s deal with the implications!

Let’s deal with Xander’s trauma about killing Jessie & just how much it would/should hurt for him to see Spike increasingly choose good & work with the Scoobies. I would LOVE to know Xander’s reaction to Harmony’s arc on Angel or Cordelia befriending her & letting her go ina world where the writing acknowledges that he drove a stake through his best friends heart!

It’s just that the writers accidentally complicated their own lore & then totally refused to ever let their characters address what the cracks in the stories they tell themselves mean. Giles says that a vampire is no longer the person but instead the thing that killed them. What’s scarier: the idea that your loved one was killed & something wears their face like a mask OR much more insane (to me) the idea that your loved one came back very wrong but it’s still them? Your brother eats people now but he still remembers how you like your eggs & can quote every episode of the cartoon you watched as kids. Your mom murdered that woman from the PTA who always talked too much in cold blood but she still remembers the recipe for your favorite pancakes. The show wanted scary vampires but it got so caught up in never addressing the infinitely more complex & scarier vampires it accidentally created & sticking to the more simplistic initial idea that it did both the characters & lore very dirty. And I’ll never shut up about it!!!

[h3wi]

"how to get your crush to like you back in 3 easy steps"

or: dan heng likes you. march knows.

dan heng x f!reader. pining fools and idiots in love. march is close to having a metaphorical heart attack. cliche shoujo stuff.

"you have a crush on her."

"i absolutely do not."

march fixes dan heng with an unimpressed gaze. "you are literally so obvious, don't even try and deny it again."

obvious? he's obvious? dan heng tries not to panic. in a poor attempt to salvage the unsalvageable, he says, lamely, "...i don't know what you're talking about."

graciously preserving the little dignity he has left, march ignores him. she claps him on the shoulder sympathetically. "don't worry, i'm a pro wingwoman. i accept payment in the form of desserts."

dan heng's right eye twitches.

1. show interest in their interests, pay attention to them.

that's easy, he thinks to himself. he always pays attention to you, it comes naturally to him. he knows how you prefer your coffee with a dash of milk and honey, not too sweet. he knows how you always start books but rarely ever finish them unless they were "really good and checked all my boxes!" and could go on thesis-worthy rants about your favourite ones. he knows how you like to keep succulents on your table and give them all ridiculous names like "king coin of doge land" and "a rad little guy".

so easy, in fact, that he feels the most confident he's ever been as he strides across the room over to you. you’re fiddling with something, looking vaguely nervous as you talk to march.

"good morning." he greets, eyeing the newest project you seem to be occupied with in your hands. a crotchet dragon, how nice. he knows exactly how to keep the conversation going now—

"what's cookin', good lookin'?"

his brain short circuits.

what is he supposed to say to that? were you flirting? does he flirt back? was it just a phrase? what's cooking-?

"but i'm not on cooking duty today."

dan heng watches your face freeze in confusion. his face feels like stone. to the side, march looks like she’s about to strangle him.

"...uh huh."

an awkward silence hangs in the air. dan heng wishes he was a statue.

— a failure, cut your losses and move on.

2. compliment something they’ve put effort into.

“please elaborate.”

“say something you like about her.” march takes a bite of her parfait (courtesy of dan heng), “but it has to be something she put conscious thought into. it shows that you notice the little things, and it makes her feel good about herself which makes her feel good about you. bam! two birds with one stone.”

dan heng only feels more confused. “but i like everything about her.”

even with the sweet treat in her mouth, march looks like she tasted something sour.

“so do i compliment her on everything i can think of?”

“no, no. you-“ march heaves a sigh, “pick one. just one.”

when he sees you in the archive room, he notices the now completed crotchet dragon in your hand. he decides that this is the perfect time to redeem himself.

“it’s well-made. i like the teal colour.” he says, and mentally congratulates himself for not messing up right off the bat (again).

“thank you, it’s, um, actually supposed to be the dragon you summon.”

“oh.” dan heng’s mind had been so occupied with march’s plans and you that he didn’t even make the connection. he feels just a little stupid.

“…and it’s for you.”

“oh.” a gift from you? and it was made exclusively to represent him, with hours of effort? he is in shock.

he must have taken too long to answer, because you notice the hesitation. flushing with embarrassment, you say “it’s a little much, huh? sorry.”

dan heng doesn’t manage to get a word in (because he would love to have the crotchet dragon, thank you very much!) before you scurry out the door. it clicks as it shuts, his outstretched hand reaching for nothing but air.

— i don’t want to call you a dumbass, but you’re kind of being a dumbass.

3. find time alone with them.

“i’ll help you with this one. but when you’re alone with her, you’re on your own.” march looks mildly concerned, “…will you be ok?”

“of course.” he says, and it’s merely bravado.

“right, well, i managed to convince mr. yang, miss himeko, and pom pom to visit this café with me—you’re paying, of course—it’s a rare opportunity so make full use of it, ‘kay?”

alone on the express. with you. no one else. no big deal, he tries to convince himself.

they keyword is ‘tries’, of course.

when the time comes, he gathers all the courage he has and, hopefully nonchalantly, asks you to watch a movie with him with a mini projector march had lent him beforehand. you agree, and it’s the first hurdle cleared. no mishaps so far.

“i’ll make you coffee, the way you like it.” he offers, and feels a flutter in his chest when you smile. if he could, he would bottle the feeling you gave him up and ration it throughout the rest of his life.

“i would love that.”

he gets to work, prepping the sugar and honey as he waits for the water to boil. the conversation between the two of you comes easily, as if the recent incidents didn’t happen at all, and dan heng feels the familiar serenity that comes from being in your presence. it was quiet save for your conversation, and the backdrop of stars outside the train seemed to be even more mesmerising than usual.

but of course, not everything goes according to plan.

the astral express, which had been sailing through the stars so smoothly, lurches from sudden turbulence. you bump against the kettle when you try to stabilise yourself and knock it over. boiling water spills all over the counter and onto the floor.

“watch out!”

not wanting you to be scalded, he grabs your arm and tries to push you away with his back towards the spillage. but his foot steps on the water and he slips, falling forward.

the two of you land on the floor in a heap, inches away from the spill. pure reflexes allow him to minimise the impact of your head meeting the floor by using his other hand as a cushion. he thinks he has bruised his knuckles. he has sprained his wrist.

the thought of the compromising position doesn’t even cross either of your minds. you crawl out from underneath him, and, perceptive as ever, notice when he rubs his wrist and winces.

“dan heng! are you ok?” you fuss over him, hands flitting over his wrist. dan heng feels like he would have enjoyed the attention more if he wasn’t so disappointed that his plans were disrupted. it had been going so well, he mourns. he watches as your back disappears around the corner with promises of finding the first aid kit.

it’s hard for the previous tranquil atmosphere to come back when you obviously felt bad about his wrist (even thought he assured you it was alright and not to worry), and his plans were derailed. the both of you work together to clean up the mess, which took some time, and try to enjoy the movie, but the momentum was lost.

— …

“what do you mean all my plans went bust? i worked so hard to convince pom pom to come with me!” march looks at you in horror.

“i don’t know! i thought you said you were a pro at this! i tried the pick-up line, i tried giving him a gift, and i even spent time alone with him, nothing worked! am I just inept at this love thing?” you shake her by the shoulders, tears of frustration on the edge of falling. march could only feel wronged.

“oh my god. you’re both idiots.”

[decidedlygorgeous]

My brother doesn’t understand why a woman would cut her hair short when a creepy man told her he liked her long hair

My brother thinks it’s cringy when women repost the “we are the daughters of the witches you tried to burn”

My brother thinks I’m so cringy and lame for liking Taylor swift and enjoying Disneyland. He doesn’t understand that even though I get she’s a billionaire with different problems than me and she’s not perfect, her lyrics still speak to me. And I feel safe at Disneyland because it reminds me of my grandma who taught me to believe in magic and of my dad who loves hearing about the behind the scenes stuff and the stories of the cast members.

My brother is so forward in his thinking about other stuff that I struggle with him when I try to tell him that in a group of his friends I get cut off and ignored when I say something, and someone will repeat what I just said. He doesn’t believe me because he didn’t hear me, proving my point.

My brother, who does not know what happened to me, doesn’t understand why women would choose a bear over a man because HE would rather live. I would much rather die.

My brother scoffs at booktok and what “trash” women consume with written and audio smut when I know he watches porn.

My brother doesn’t understand why I was upset with the older man at the concert who wasn’t listening and kept talking over me, telling me I should move to the open spot so I could see better, when I was saying I was purposely standing right behind my dad so the lights wouldn’t hit me straight in the eyes and I didn’t really care about seeing the band anyways.

My brother is such a smart person and is so caring about a lot of stuff. He does copious amounts of research to back himself up so he knows what he’s talking about. But sometimes I fear that he gets so caught up in the facts that he forgets that people have feeling and they sometimes do matter in discussions.

He forgets that only he can tell when he’s joking and so when I ask him if he’s serious and he says yes, I’ll believe him because he’s my brother, and I’m supposed to trust him. Sometimes he forgets that jokes are also supposed to be funny to the person you’re telling them to and gaslighting is not a funny joke. And it makes me believe and trust him less.

My brother forgets that he was not the only person slighted by our mother and so when he’s ranting and telling me what happened and I say “I’m sorry, I understand how you feel” he scoffs and tells me to shut up and I’m the Favorite child who gets everything. I’m not and I don’t, that’s our second oldest brother. But me being the only girl I see why he would think that.

My brother is NOT a villain and he’s certainly not my villain. He’s a complicated person I love that sometimes hurts me. And I have no doubt that I’ve hurt him, I am no victim after all.

[diorzs]

# CONFESS

pairing(s) — kageyama tobio x gn!reader

genre(s) — fluff, silly lil teenage slice of life

cw. nothing !!

masterlist. ihmmmmm my tobio brainworms are getting to me hes so cutesies

the squeaks and huffs from the players were all you could hear. yet, the only person you could ever seem to focus on was him, tobio. “mine!” daichi’s voice shouted out, breaking you from your trance on the setter. quickly jotting a few notes down, you continued watching the heated practice match between karasuno and aoba johsai. and like instinct, almost immediately, your eyes landed back onto the ravenette setter. his chemistry with both his team and the volleyball had you stuck in awe. soon after, a whistle rang through your ears, 23-25, aoba johsai had won the second set.

you, along with shimizu and hitoka, carried over some towels and water for the players. “they played really well!” the blonde exclaimed. “yeah they really did,” you responded. “here, me and hitoka will hand out towels and any other things, you can hand out the waters, okay?” you nodded before handing out the waters, playfully shoving them in the players’ hands. “thank you (y/n)!” shoyo smiled, ruffling your hair. “yeah no problem..!” you rolled your eyes before smiling back, and moving on to the last water bottle you had to give out.

walking over to the last player, you only wanted it to be over quickly, in fear of embarrassing yourself. you handed the filled water bottle to your small, itsy-bitsy crush with a nod and a small smile. he nodded back, grabbing the drink out of your hands, in which you swore he grazed your hands for a few seconds longer than he had to. after taking a sip, he looked back over to you, “thank you, (l/n)” you blushed at the mention of your name, even if it was your surname, and only smiled back with a small nod. itching to say something more, you began to rant. “o-of course! you know you are an amazing setter kageyama, even if i’m not too familiar with volleyball as a whole, you seem to really capture the essence of it! you are really amazing on the court and look good doing it…!” “crap…i totally fucked my chances over.” you thought, immediately covering your face with your hands. “s-sorry! i don’t know what came over me!” apologizing quickly, you speedily walked back to where where the two managers were standing.

what you didn’t notice on your fast pace back to your position was the soft blush on kageyama’s ears. he looked around to his teammates, all staring at him knowingly, as he tried to sputter out incoherent words. as the shrill of the whistle made his way to his ears, hinata passed by, whispering something, “dude! just confess! you’re so lame…” “s-shut up hinata!”

maybe it was his interaction with his crush or maybe the fact that oikawa seemed to taunt him, but they had lost the third set. “so stupid…i hate him” he muttered angrily, before he came face to face with you, holding out a water bottle. “t-thank you, (l/n),” he tried sounding as politely as he could given his circumstances. “n-no problem! you did well!” he noted the nervous smile you seem to give off, the fiddling of your fingers, and the reddish tint creeping on the apples of your cheeks. “uh- yeah- thank you, i tried,” he stated, scratching the nape of his neck. “w-well of course i tried- the whole team did i mean!” he sputtered out, cursing himself in his thoughts on how stupid he sounded. you giggled, god were bells ringing? you sounded so perfect, his heart beated wildly in his chest, giving him the same feeling of a perfect set. “of course, kageyama,” you smiled at him, nerves dissipating as you walked off.

you watched as the girls gathered up their remaining items, “are you sure you’re okay with locking up the gym, (y/n)?” shimizu asked, unaware whether or not you’d be okay. “of course, ‘mizu! don’t worry about me, i’ll make sure everything’s tidy and everyone’s out before i leave!” you smiled brightly at her, and she waved goodbye, walking out with hitoka. “goodbye and be safe (y/n)!” the blonde shouted over her shoulder, waving as she locked arms with the ravenette beside her. you softly chuckled, continuing to tend to the (almost) empty gym.

knocking at the boys locker room, you attempted to make sure no one was inside. “hello? anybody still inside?” you questioned, listening for a minute whilst keeping your ear up to the door. it was a bad decision on your part, as just then the doors opened, leaving you to fall. “fuck i hope i don’t get a concussion, coach would kill me...” you thought as you fell, awaiting the impact, though it never came. you opened your eyes slowly, not feeling the familiar feeling of the ground, only to find a pair of navy ones staring at you back.

“oh! i’m so- i’m so sorry kageyama!” you shot right up, wiping off any dust on your clothes as an attempt to not make eye contact with the ravenette. “its…its okay, don’t worry about it,” he assured you, “it’s my fault for staying inside here anyway…” he trailed off, making eye contact with you once more. “no! it’s okay, i just need to lock up! but you’re welcome to stay here while i clean up a little!” you announced, flustered, the tips of your fingers seemingly numb. “uh…yeah, sounds great,” he whispered, thinking back onto what hinata said as he watched you tidy up.

“ready to go, not forgetting anything?” you asked the setter, ready to lock the doors to the karasuno gym. snapping out of his daze, he nodded wordlessly. “would…” he started gazing into your eyes, making the tips of your ears turn red. “would you like me to walk you home…?” he asked you quietly and holding his breath, afraid of what your response might be. you beamed, not expecting the question before responding, “of course kageyama! that would be lovely!” you exclaimed, the corners of your eyes creasing with genuine happiness. “tobio,” he muttered lowly. “you can call me tobio, i don’t mind..” he trailed off, unaware that your heart seemed to be racing at just that comment. “then call me (y/n)!” your cheeks hurt because of how much you seemed to smile.

the walk to your house was a decent ways away from school, causing you and tobio to get to know each other. “yeah so i’ve always really loved photography, and thats one of the reasons i joined to be a manager so i could promote the team!” you rambled on and on, but he never seemed to mind. he listened intently to your words, taking in the information as if it would be the last thing he’d do. “that’s…really cool,” he muttered, imagining the flash of a camera while he was on the court, and to see you behind it. “yeah well my camera broke recently, so i’ve been meaning to get a new one…” he nodded mindlessly, focused on the features of your face, how did they go together so perfectly? “oh! this is me!”

tobio looked up at your house, taking note of your garden and the gnomes littered all around. he glanced over to your house, noting the colorful curtains on a certain room, must be yours. “well i should get going! i really enjoyed talking to you tobio,” you smiled gratefully, walking up your steps. “w-wait!” he shouted accidentally, “oh shit this is it for me…” he thought, knowing that the first years’ groupchat would be laughing once he told them about this rejection. you cocked your head to the side, awaiting a further response. “yes?” you asked, anxiety filled you, thinking of the worst scenarios he could respond to you with. “i…i had something i wanted to tell you…”

you glanced at him momentarily, studying his nervous look, staring down at the pavement right outside your house. “what is it tobio?” you questioned, sitting down on the concrete steps as you montioned for the boy to do the same. he hesitated, before awkwardly shuffling to sit beside you. once sat, you looked at him, the tips of his ears awfully red, his eyebrows knitted together, and the bouncing of his leg. “is he nervous?” you wondered before he made eye contact with you. he breathed out, trying to maintain a calm state before he began talking.

“i get this feeling, you know? when i play volleyball,” he starts, his words a bit fast and mumbled, but you can understand. you nod, and he continues. “it’s thrilling the way i set the ball, and i feel my heart beating with excitement.” he mimicks the motion of a set to really deliver his point and you smile before chuckling quietly. “and…i feel that way with you too…” he mutters, breaking the eye contact between the two of you. and before you can respond he keeps rambling. “it’s weird…but i think i really like you, (y/n)? almost like how i do with volleyball.” he finishes his thoughts, mind racing and the palms of his hands are clammy. it’s a weird feeling he concludes, and he doesn’t like the fact that you haven’t responded yet, he’s beginning to feel restless.

“tobio…” you say softly, a smile forming across your face. “i really like you too, more than you know.” you confess, your heart pounds in your ears, beating knowing the feelings you have are reciprocated. his head whips at you, his mouth slightly agape as he stares at you, stars in his eyes. “i- what- really?” he questions, and you can only nod before pulling him into a tight hug. “so much tobio…” you trail off, smiling into the crook of his neck. he breathes out a sigh of relief, wrapping his arms around you too, breathing in the scent of your perfume. “thank you,” he whispers into your ears, his heart rapidly beating in his chest to the point where he is convinced you can feel it too. “no, thank you tobio, for telling me,” you pull away from the hug, smiling widely at him, unable to contain your happiness.

“maybe confessing wasn’t all that bad…” he thinks as he watches you walk into your home, waving as you do.

posted — 07 / 16 / 24

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