#lambert/aiden/cahir

[jaskiersvalley]

Modern day Lambert would be a flat earther just to be contrary. He and Aiden have passionate arguments about it, leading to passionate "sword fights".

Geralt used to be a flat earther until he told Eskel there are flat earthers all over the globe and realised what he'd said.

By contrast, Eskel just doesn't care whether the earth is flat or round.

Cahir is a die-hard flat earther. He even manages to convince Jaskier.

[jay-arts-t]

Making Witcher character stickers for Redbubble, mostly the twn design (save for lambert since his twn design is pretty well liked from my understanding so he’ll have 2 versions)

I am in pain and agony but they’re all turning out really cute so I’m winning

[astaldis]

Witcher Cat Fics

Do you like cats and The Witcher? Then maybe you'll also like Witcher cat fics! (sorry, not Cat Witcher fics). Here is a little list of fics I found that feature cats, but it's certainly not complete. If you know of other Witcher fanfics where a cat plays an important role in the plot, please let me know so I can add it to the list.

Have fun with cats and Witchers!

(The order is totally random)

5 Times Someone Else Had To Watch The Damn Cat

Foltest, Ves, Geralt of Rivia, Iorveth, Silas of the Blue Stripes, G, 500 words:

Five times someone else had to watch Roche's cat.

It's the latest in a series of drabbles about Roche's cat: Kits Out for Temeria by Faetality, check it out, it's so funny!

The Sorceress' Challenge by Annaatemychocolate

Yennefer/Triss, F/F, 11,485 words:

“The Sorceress Yennefer has set a challenge: capture her black cat and retrieve the key around its neck before the end of the month, and you get your wish granted. That’s why everyone’s here.”

Triss’ eyebrows were now dangerously close to disappearing into her hairline. “You’re not serious.”

flowers in every room by SummerFrost

Geralt/Yennefer, Ciri, F/M, 5,077 words:

Hey, Mum! Sorry, I can't stay long, there's this—" Ciri tilts her head. "What's with the cat?"

"Fuck if I know," says Yen.

Aka: The one where Geralt gets turned into a cat and dumped on Yennefer's doorstep.

Here Kitty, Kitty by round_robin

Geralt & Jaskier, Gen, 1,671 words: “Cats don't like—you can't be serious.” Geralt said nothing and Jaskier gasped. “Of all the weird fucking things they did to you, that takes the cake.”

This got a small chuckle. “Oh yes? The heightened senses that bring headaches if I'm in a town too long, the poison tolerance that still hurts like I'm dying, but no, cats hissing at me is clearly the worst...”

Of Wolves and Cats by A_hopeful_disaster

Geralt &/ Jaskier, Gen, 1,353 words: Jaskier adopts a cat. Geralt isnt sure what to think.

The Mystical Divinity of Unashamed Felinity by Star_dancer54

Geralt & Jaskier, Gen, 2,778 words: It's a morning like any other when Geralt wakes up, until he discovers that Jaskier's been turned into a cat. (unfinished)

The Way to a Man's Heart Goes Through His... Cat? by Frywen

Geralt /Jaskier, Cirilla, Yennefer , M/M, 16,861 words: Jaskier is a live-in cat sitter and Roach is the biggest and meanest cat he has ever met. Just what kind of owner does a cat like that have? (unfinished)

Ball of Purr by kentucka

Geralt, Gen, 1,211 words: A fluffy little thing (pun intended) in which Geralt gets to pet a cat.

Cat Got Your Tongue (But I’ve Got Your Heart) by WanderingDrui

Aiden/Lambert, Geralt/Jaskier, M/M, 31,093 words: After the mountain Jaskier throws caution to the winds and decides to use a secret he's kept his entire life to get back at Geralt. He expects a short and petty journey of revenge. Instead he makes new witcher friends, explores his past, and finds peace with who he is and what he wants in life. Meanwhile, Geralt hasn't heard anything about Jaskier since he sent him away and is growing worried.... (WIP)

Lovecats by Lula_Claims_The_Snakeskin_Jacket

Cahir/Yennefer, F/M, 16,404 words: Cahir and Yennefer acquire a stray cat. Or does the cat acquire them? As a witch, Yennefer vibes with cats well. Cahir is sceptical, as to his best knowledge cats are of no use on the battlefield. Obviously, some tensions are inevitable here. But this relationship will, yes, evolve.

powerful by mayoho

Rience, Gen, 100 words: Rience has always been drawn to power, even in the most unexpected places.

Figs and black pepper by calvaria

Assire var Anahid, Merlin (the cat), Gen, 233 words: Assire prefers Merlin to all astrolabes, signs and pendulums.

Cat Comfort by Molanna

Cahir, Assire var Anahid, Merlin (the cat), Gen, 1,805 words: Merlin is not only suddenly brought to a different place by his Witch, but, when he comes back to the apartment late at night from exploring the new garden, he finds a stranger in the bed he is not sure how to feel about at first. (POV Merlin)

A Furry Foundling for the Bard by Molanna

Jaskier/Radovid, M/M, 1,111 words: Jaskier and Radovid are disturbed in their very enjoyable nightly activity by a strange, eerie sound. Luckily, what they find in the street is not a monster but a pleasant surprise.

A Fiery Night by Molanna

Jaskier/Radovid, M/M, 500 words: Jaskier and Radovid are having a great time together at Radovid's little island cottage. Unfortunately, one night, something goes very wrong.

Cat-Napping by Molanna

Rience, Gen, 500 words: Unexpectedly and totally against his will, Rience ends up with a fluffy tabby cat napping in his lap.

[geraskierficrecs]

An Offer You Can't Refuse Update!

Hey look! I finally finished it!

Teaser:

Geralt’s lips were still cracked from the heat of the fire and they opened painfully on a near-silent word.  Immediately, Jaskier turned toward the tray of food Aiden had delivered to retrieve a bottle of water.  He gently helped Geralt raise his head from the pillow and guided the bottle to his lips, supporting him there as he drank deeply.  After a moment, Geralt turned his head away in a silent feature and Jaskier quickly set the water aside in favor of getting the alpha resettled on the pillows.

The other wolf licked his lips and attempted to clear his throat from the smoke still lining it.  “You’re here.”

Jaskier blinked, startled at the unexpected direction of Geralt’s thoughts.  He shifted his weight, trying to anticipate what Geralt meant by it.  “I…yes,” he said, “I didn’t want you to be alone.”

It was a dangerous sort of admission.  Far too close to acknowledging the bond that had been driving them together for weeks.

Geralt frowned at him and Jaskier felt his nerves turn into a wild thing, twisting and writhing within him.

He should have left while he had a chance.  He should have allowed Lambert to oversee Geralt’s healing.  Anything to avoid the rejection he knew was coming.  Anything to avoid hearing Geralt’s voice telling him to leave for good.

Jaskier leaned back to force himself to his feet, but froze when he felt Geralt’s calloused hand wrap around his wrist in a gentle shackle.  

All at once, he was terrified.  Terrified that perhaps it wasn’t love that moved within his chest each time he saw Geralt staring back at him.  That this love would become a knife twisting within his heart, sinking deeper with each new breath until death became the only release he could ever hope for.

In this moment, Geralt held the means to his destruction in a way Emhyr and Cahir never had.  A single word, a single syllable could erase every scrap of battered hope he possessed.  He stood at the precipice of calamity with one person holding on to the rope that kept him from sinking into the abyss.  He was–

Geralt’s fingers tightened around Jaskier’s fluttering heartbeat and his thumb swept over the delicate skin in a caress that made Jaskier shiver.  The alpha stared at Jaskier and his mouth shaped the word that made Jaskier’s wolf go quiet.

“Stay.”

[bluedillylee]

🔥 7, 8 and 12! >:3

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Aiden. This is sort of funny because there isn't any canon of Aiden in the TV show or the books, he's just in the video game to my knowledge. My dislike is absolutely petty and not actually anything about the character. I just kept seeing Aiden/Lambert pop up in ao3 and I got annoyed that there weren't more Coen/Lambert fics. Justice for Coen!

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

that Jaskier had any opinions on the heroic qualities of witchers before meeting Geralt. My opinion is that Jaskier first approached Geralt because he looked interesting (and hot) and that he had prejudices and biases just the same as anyone else. I think a lot of Jaskier's morality is based around if he likes someone or not. He likes Geralt and began to see him as a friend and so he sings songs that praise him.

what's interesting about Jaskier is that essentially he is a selfish and hedonistic person who does things because he wants to but he's also capable of being deeply loyal. His friendship with Geralt adds this layer of complexity to his character that's very interesting to me.

I think it was all the time he spent with Geralt on the path, seeing people from such a varied walk of life that gave him the compassion to get involved as the Sandpiper and try to help.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

FRINGILLA!!!! everyone should be talking about her and I should be making more fanart of her!

She's fascinating. Her life is one tragedy and betrayal after another. She so obviously wants someone to be as loyal to her as she is towards first Aretuza and then Nilfgaard. And yet no one chooses her. Tissaia doesn't stand up for her when Yennefer charms the Vengerburg King. She's locked up in Nilfgaard and abused because she did the job she was given. Francesca turns her back on her after her baby is born, Emhyr turns on her and her Uncle insults and belittles her when she turns to him for aid. Her one friend is Cahir, the greasiest and smelliest looking little rat man!

I love how Mimi gives us these moments of vulnerability with her eyes. The ways she portrays Fingilla is perfect. I am desperately hoping we get a lot more Fringilla scenes in S3. I didn't get a glimpse of her in the trailer but there was a photo released and she looks so good!!!!

[limerental]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💕💗

I have a few of these sitting in my inbox because I have had such trouble deciding tbh but time to stop being indecisive!! i have posted 210 fics (!!!) on ao3 since i got it in 2017 and I like basically all of them because they are a thing I created and put into the world so it's very difficult to choose.

lilacs and dandelions

this was my first longfic, my first oneshot that got away from me, my first serially published I actually finished, and in general one of the first yennskier fics that really took off in the fandom, and it was really deeply fun and indulgent to write and had some great engagement at the time. so even if it's not my best crafted fic and there are things I would change or do differently or expand on, it's forever one of my faves.

2. how light carries on

this is the sequel to my weird 80s trucker mcd fic and is actually more special to me than the first part (though the first part's up there too). just the way it handled the life after loss messy parts of grief are deeply personal and important to me, and i'm still really pleased with the structure and tone of the fic.

3. in the city of golden towers

i poured a lottttt of silly goofy energy into this fic and its sequel and honestly I love them so dearly and fringilla & cahir's dynamic in them and those versions of these charactes will live forever in my brain. i think they can be enjoyed even if you didn't like s2 of twn because I tried to bring their characters at that point toward book canon (jossed by s3 of course). the sequel to this includes the hansa and the lodge and is a book canon fix-it and is really silly but serious and. idk like 5 people have actually read it wahh

4. then send down the storm

i can't say whyyyy my singular lambert/aiden fic sticks in my head so strongly but i'm still really pleased with this one and return to read it often. i'm not a huge lambert person and barely ship this (unless it's very good) but something about this fic (and of course some_star's original "prequel" which you should also read!) keeps sticking with me

5. caught now in two minds

to rec a non-witcher fic just because i posted the first chapter of this exactly a year ago(!!), this is the steddie fic that gripped me for several months last year and that actually turned into something really fun and deep and cool and unique within the fandom i think.

honestly this was really hard don't make me do this again

[continentcakeshop]

Reverse casting time!!!! Cakeshop peeps as Witcher characters. Go!!!

ALRIGHT I spent like 2 hours on this and the shenanigans that happened with everyone laughing and helping out... BUT ITS LONG. So it's behind a cut. It's not complete, because oh man I gotta go do errands, but we did our best!

@on-a-lucky-tide is immediately our Eskel @hungarianbee as Erland @lookoutrogue is Coen @major-trouble is the best Valdo ever but countered with @sometimesiwrite as Essi (she LIVES THO) @trickstermoose67 is Ciri ... but @so--many-fandoms is Baby Ciri (from W3, with the freckles) @jayofolympus is Serrit @frenchkey is Auckes @tumbleweedtech I'm claiming Keldar thanks @angry-cajun-lady is Gaetan @lohrendrell is Ivo @thirstyforred is Jacques de Aldersberg @stellecraft is Nenneke @round--robin is Arnaghad @piranhaincaps is Gezras @greenbirddraws is Letho @anonymousblueberry is Ves @cylin-aka-ankamo is Emiel Regis Rohellec Terzieff-Godefroy @liaonyxrayne is Dettlaff @jlyarts is Kiyan @justhereforeskel is Lil' Bleater @justleaf is Iorveth @zzzett is Isengrim @whysowlowl is Philippa @heyriel-art is Vesemir @eyesofshinigami is Shani @lokibus is Geralt (complete with horse pics) @straysinfiltrator is Meve @iboughtaplant is Gascon (she has the BEST boy) @pressedinthepages is Angoulême @jaskiersvalley is Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach obscure potato is Reynard @Towelapocalyse is Aiden @andtosatvrn is Ivar @disaster-imp is Lambert @resident-beekeeper is the beekeeper that Regis thinks is a werewolf? sdorim is an npc who wrote punny letters to Geralt @winter-fir is a farmer NPC. Her rakes are not broken, and if you press X you get an 🍎 And who you've probably been waiting for? @skaldingrayne would be Jaskier.

[ao3feed-witcher-dddne]

by Graymuse42

“White Wolf,” the man rasped as the Witchers stopped just before the table, “I have come to re-” he broke off in a cough, a painful sound that had Triss already out of her seat, hesitating just to the side of the man, ready to help when permitted. “To request asylum,” he continued, pushing off from the guards helping him and sinking to his knees, though whether in submission or pain, Geralt couldn’t be sure. “My name is Julian Alfred Pankratz,” he continued haltingly, struggling to get the words out, “I request sanctuary from Redania and Nilfgaard…” he stopped talking, swaying where he knelt, and Geralt hastily glanced to Eskel for advice.

Or: Geralt's the Warlord, and some random noble (Jaskier) comes walking in, badly injured, before collapsing in the main hall and leaving a FUCK ton of questions in his wake.

Words: 24976, Chapters: 18/?, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of All hell and its fire waits for us

Fandoms: The Witcher (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage

Categories: M/M, Multi

Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Eskel (The Witcher), Aiden (The Witcher), Lambert (The Witcher), Vesemir (The Witcher), Triss Merigold, Gweld (The Witcher), Witcher Aubry (The Witcher), Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Vizimir II (The Witcher), Sigismund Dijkstra, Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach, Jaskier | Dandelion's Mother, Jaskier | Dandelion's Father, Priscilla (The Witcher)

Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Eskel/Jaskier | Dandelion, Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Jaskier | Dandelion & Priscilla, Priscilla (The Witcher)/Dragonfly (The Witcher)

Additional Tags: Work In Progress, Temporary Amnesia, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Underage Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Character Death, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Slow Burn, Whipping, Torture, Aftermath of Torture, Permanent Injury, Angst with a Happy Ending, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Inspired by The Accidental Warlord and His Pack Series - inexplicifics, Haunting, Ghosts, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship

[thedovecollector]

The Collector’s Kink List

This is not comprehensive, and will likely change multiple times. And, as usual, Your Kink Is Not My Kink (and that’s okay)

I also, at this time, exclusively write for The Witcher.

Hell Yes: Beastiality (dogs/wolves), con noncon, dubcon, incest, grooming, daddy kink, AOB, knotting, breeding kink, age gap, small cocks, mpreg

Alright: Omorashi/piss kink, non-con (non-violent), beastiality (not dogs/wolves), RPF, monster-fucking - harkness and non-harkness passing, feminization (forced or otherwise), masculinization (forced or otherwise), virginity kink, necrophilia, cockwarming, public sex, pet play, cum inflation, stuffing, eating disorders

Meh: Non-con (violent), blood and gore, cheating, humiliation, sex pollen

No thanks: Spanking, vomit, little space, lactation

Fuck No: Somno, scat, spitting, hanahaki, choking

Yes, I take prompts! Yes, it might take me a while to write them! This is my secondary account. I focus mainly on non-doves right now, just cause that’s where my muses are. 

Characters I love to write for: Geralt, Jaskier and/or Dandelion, Aiden, Eskel

Characters I will write: Yennefer, Ciri, Triss

Characters I don’t care for: Lambert

Character I will Not write: Vesemir, Emhyr

Characters I just don’t know/uncategorized: Fringilla, Cahir, lots and lots of game characters

Favorite ships: Geralt/Jaskier, Geralt/Eskel, Jaskier/Aiden, Jaskier/Eskel, Jaskier/Lambert, Jaskier/Yennefer, Jaskier/Ciri, Jaskier/Jaskier, Geralt/Ciri

Not for me ships: Geralt/Yennefer, Geralt/Triss, Eskel/Triss, Eskel/Lambert

Any ship that includes Jaskier includes Dandelion as well, though I write them differently.

[thisstupidrock]

I posted 16 times in 2022

That's 8 more posts than 2021!

16 posts created (100%)

0 posts reblogged (0%)

I tagged 16 of my posts in 2022

#the witcher - 10 posts

#wip wednesday - 7 posts

#the witcher aiden - 6 posts

#the witcher netflix - 6 posts

#jaskier dandelion - 5 posts

#the witcher jaskier - 5 posts

#the witcher lambert - 5 posts

#cat witcher aiden - 4 posts

#the witcher fanart - 4 posts

#aiden x lambert - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 43 characters

#the witcher cahir mawr dyffryn aep ceallach

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Wip - Jaskier and Eskel

92 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

#4

See the full post

135 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#3

Gentle affection- Aiden and Lambert

——————————-

“What’re you-!?”

“It’s called affection”

“Disgusting……do it again”

411 notes - Posted September 22, 2022

#2

What could have been….

...

...

...

AAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhaaaaaAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

556 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sleepy Bard - Eskel and Jaskier

654 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jaskierswolf]

Last one ;) Modern AU Cahir has always been very serious. He is at a small town market when he sees a stall selling warm, fuzzy hats with animal ears. It's tempting, especially when there's a seriously cute guy manning the stall. But he's too grown up and adult to buy a knitted hat with animal ears. Then another guy returns to the stall with hot dogs, also wearing a silly hat. Judging by their conversation, they're called Lambert and Aiden. Cahir is about to move on and forcefully forget the hats and the lovely couple but there's a solid, warm wall behind him that talks, "You can go touch you know. They're softer than they look. And the hats are nice too. Nice to meet you, I'm Eskel."

awww look at them! WItchers and their Nilfgaardian! Very soft and lovely and fluffy! @jaskiersvalley you spoil me love! 🥰

[jaskiersvalley]

I love your writing and have read through your entire blog :) hope you're doing well

Nonnie, you are a delight. Thank you, I am doing well and I really hope you had fun trawling the mess that this blog is. Here’s a little more idiocy that will hopefully be to your liking as thanks for your lovely ask.

Black Crow

There was a new witcher in town and he was really fucking annoying as far as Lambert was concerned. He had no care for the established, unspoken rules about who stuck to what territories for their contracts, ignored all the difficult contracts and took the easy ones like a selfish git. It was bad enough the he gave witchers a bad name by being lazy but people seemed to be quite enamoured with his style. All black, never showed his face, had feathers attached to some dumb helmet that hid him from view and a sleek black stallion that no witcher should have been able to afford. At first Lambert had thought it was Geralt going off on some hare brained jaunt at the urging of his bard. Then they crossed paths and Geralt grumbled about having had the easy contracts taken already and Lambert knew it wasn’t him.

Even Aiden was starting to get pissed off with this witcher dubbed the Black Crow. Oddly fitting that first there was the White Wolf and now some upstart would try and cash in on a similar moniker. They were at yet another town where the noticeboard only held stupidity and nothing more. At the tavern they were informed that the Black Crow had it in hand, a slight necrophage problem out by some caves. The bastard wouldn’t even accept a room for the night as payment, insisting on a meagre amount of coin. Cheap, foolish idiot. At least Lambert and Aiden weren’t kicked out of the tavern because there was already another witcher there so maybe not all was lost.

“I want to give that bastard a piece of my mind,” Lambert grumbled as they chucked their packs in the corner of their room. “They said his horse is still in the stable, want to check it out?”

Of course Aiden was game, he was curious by nature and this Black Crow had been a thorn in their side for a while. The idiot was more like minor pest control than true witcher, had left a griffin, noon wraiths and even an archespore infestation for them to deal with. If there was one thing Aiden didn’t like, it was a lazy bugger. They wandered out to the stable and it was pretty easy to spot Black Crow’s horse. It was sleek, black and beautiful. Aiden whistled.

“How did the bastard steal a Nilfgaardian war horse?”

Lambert already didn’t like this witcher but now he outright hated him. There wasn’t much of a standard witchers were held to but they definitely didn’t stoop as low as stealing, even if it was a fine horse from Nilfgaard.

“Black Crow took half the coin offered for the contract as long as we took full care of the horse,” the stable boy offered up the information without much prompting. “It’s rare to have such a beautiful creature pass through here, of course we accepted.”

Bastard even cared for his horse better than he cared for the reputation of witchers. Unbearable.

“We’re going to pay him a visit, come on,” he told Aiden. Together, they grabbed their swords and potions, expecting the worst. Though, given how this witcher only took easy contracts, Lambert suspected he’d be more likely to run than face off against two witchers.

Trudging out to the caves, Lambert could see the evidence of a fight. It was messy, much more like the work of a trainee freshly released on the Path than a veteran. Given how long ago the last witchers had been created, Lambert didn’t know what to think. If there were new witchers being made, he was going to have a much more difficult year, tracking down the bastards and putting a stop to more innocent boys being forced through the Trials.

“Doesn’t look like it went too well,” Aiden commented and nodded to the swords on the ground. At first glance they were standard witcher swords, nothing special. But when Lambert picked it up he frowned. It was a cheap sword, one that was more likely to break over the scales of a basilisk than pierce even a hirikka. The silver sword was a little further up towards the cave, left buried in a necrophage. There was barely any silver in it, trace amounts hastily smithed onto it and neither sword held any trace of any kind of wraith oil or all the other things witchers were taught to cover their weapons in. Something wasn’t quite right but Lambert didn’t know what. No respectable witcher left his weapons abandoned like that but then again, they had already established that the Black Crow wasn’t exactly a respectable witcher.

Pulling his sword from its sheath, Lambert pointed to the cave mouth. There might still be necrophages and a potentially hostile witcher too. Even disarmed, a witcher was a dangerous foe. Together, they entered the cave on silent feet. The only sound either of them could hear was a ragged, shivery breathing, thready and faint. At the back of the cave was the embers of a fire which Aiden threw a casual igni at, lighting up area.

There he was, the Black Crow, huddled against the back of the cave, propped up against a wall and curled in on himself. Smears of bloodied handprints were around him as he’d obviously pushed himself up.

“Well shit,” Lambert swore. Because while he had many a not so nice thought about the Black Crow, he still wasn’t able to sit by and watch another person suffer and die if he could help in. “Necrophage got you?”

A helmet covered head lifted to stare at them blindly. Lambert didn’t have time for games. “Show us. We can help.”

Slowly, a shaking arm lifted to show torn armour, a chunk missing from the arm where rotten teeth had sunk in and gashes across the torso as claws had tried to rip this idiotic witcher open.

Lambert growled. “Aiden, check for more wounds. I’ll grab potions. Where do you keep them?”

As nice as Lambert was, not killing the Black Crow while helpless, he wasn’t going to waste his own precious potions on him. There was no reply though so Lambert looked around, trying to find a potions satchel or similar.

“Lamb.” Aiden called as he helped the Black Crow get more comfortable, pulling his helmet off. More urgently he raised his voice. “Lambert!”

“What?”

“Look!” Turning back annoyed, Lambert gave the face of the Black Crow a once over, handsome enough but now wasn’t the time for Aiden to be thinking with his dick. When if was obvious that he wasn’t getting it, Aiden rolled his eyes. “Look at his eyes.”

Another glance and Lambert’s jaw slackened. Glassy blue eyes stared back at him. It suddenly all clicked into place. This was no witcher, merely a human masquerading as one. Pretty desperate measures to sink to if Lambert was asked. However, he had more pressing things to worry about - namely, potions weren’t going to help this poor fucker, only kill him quicker.

“Shit. Have we got enough for a poultice?”

Suddenly, there was a lot more of an urge to work quickly. Necrophage bites were deeply unpleasant for a witcher but not urgently in need of treatment. A human was a very different matter. Throwing together the contents of their bags, Lambert began putting together something to help a human. Meanwhile, Aiden set about trying to unravel the layers of armour and cloaks the Black Crow wore. Under the black top layer was Nilfgaardian armour, worn and patched up so often, it was almost more patches than original.

Slowly, a picture was starting to form in Aiden’s mind about just what they were dealing with. A dissident. Obviously a higher ranking one, given how all the patches were ripped off the armour and the length he had gone to to hide his identity.

The hastily concocted poultice was applied to the Black Crow’s wounds and Lambert sat back to watch as he fell into a fitful sleep. It wasn’t restful by any means but then again, necrophage bites had the tendency to poison the mind.

Just before he finally succumbed, the man looked at the witchers and managed a hoarse “Cahir” which was probably his name. It hurt to think that the man was so desperate to be known, to share one last connection with a fellow soul, that he would throw away all the secrecy he’d built just so he wouldn’t die unknown and alone.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Aiden asked as he sat down next to Lambert, pressing their shoulders together.

“We don’t need another mouth to feed,” Lambert replied. But he’d already considered it. They’d gone to such an extent to save the life of this human when they didn’t have to. While they were in no way responsible for what happened next, both of them could relate to an outcast, someone who had nothing and had to fight to get anything from life. “Though he did prioritise his horse over himself.”

“And he tried to help people. What’s he running from that even the life of a witcher is better?”

Shaking his head, Lambert pushed to get up. “You watch over him, I’ll go clean up outside.”

By the time he was done, he had had a chance to think everything through. And he knew, that if his offer was taken up, he had not one but two guests coming home to Kaer Morhen with him for winter.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

I’m new to watching Witcher I’d appreciate out of context character description for the Witcher! (So far it’s only Geralt the tiddy man)

special thanks to @kuripon @funkylittlebard and @dapandapod for the helps 

geralt: brooding ass man

jaskier: donkey who left his cat on the stove

yennefer: sexy but insane witch 

ciri: rip ur eardrums 

lambert: snarky angy boi

aiden: Not Dead Cat Man

eskel: tiddy man

renfri: angry pretty girl

vesemir: Dad

stregobor: no beta we die like stregobor fucking should have

triss: nice healing lady

tissaia: sugar mommy 

calanthe: nice armor lady with tragic racist flaw

dara: cinnamon roll my beloved

pavetta: screamy bride

cahir: netflix does not equal book

istredd: backstabbing bastard

doppler: ass man two, steal your face bugaloo

fringilla: taboo? what taboo??

roach: best girl

sabrina: tiddy lady

duny: spiky man 

mousesack: not impressed by the sad silk trader

chiredean: friendzoned 

borch: there's a surprise inside 

tea and vea: Not Impressed™

eist: probably gets pegged

filavandrel: luteless and landless

marilka: wants to be a witcher

valdo marx: did not die of apoplexy 

djinn: djinny djinn djinn

countess de stael: heartless

geralts sword: having a good time

vilgefortz: magicy stab stab

lil bleater: precious troublemaker baby

filavandrel’s lute: tossing coins to witchers

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

Witcher Characters as Shit I’ve Heard Customers Say pt. 2

Geralt: Wait just a goddamned second! You can take horseback riding lessons at this university!? For credit!? And I haven’t even signed up yet!? Fuck!

Yennefer: Yeah, no. I’m not going to another frat party, not even if it’s Super Smash Bros themed.

Ciri: (knocking on the countertop politely) Hello Ma’am, can you please tell me where you keep the bears that make the toilet paper? I have questions for them.

Jaskier: Have you ever considered, you know, talking to a therapist? Or weed, if therapy is too expensive? I know good therapists and I know good weed, I can help you.

Fanon!Aiden: All my friends are bitches and that’s fine with me; makes me seem nicer, you know?

Lambert: I’ll die in the soup aisle of my local [REDACTED] and that’s fine. Put my obituary on one of the labels: Here lies some asshole who really wanted soup.

Eskel: Do I have siblings? Yes. Do I pretend not to know them in public? Also yes.

Triss: No amount of flirting or free drinks will ever convince me to sleep with someone named Harold. 

Renfri: Check out my sweet moves! (tries to do the moonwalk, slips, falls on her ass in the produce dept.) Sick, right?

Dara: I just... (heavy sighing) I just don’t want such a chaotic narrative arc, you know? let me be a side character. Let me Vibe in peace.

Cahir: No matter what I do, no matter how I try, I cannot convince myself that a live action Disney movie about rats would be a bad idea.

[geraskierficrecs]

An Offer You Can’t Refuse Update!

New chapter here.

Teaser:

Jaskier stared at the blank screen and tried to swallow down the bile rising in his throat.

It had been years since anyone had called him by his name.  He closed his eyes and fought through the grief and instinctive panic at the reminder of the last night he’d been Julian.  

It’s better this way, Julian.

Cahir had sounded almost fond even with the blood dripping from the tips of his claws.  Jaskier could still see the reflection of the flames in his eyes.

That boy had deserved to die, he thought now.  He’d been a spoiled brat.  Weakened by the belief that his world could never be toppled or changed.  Julian would never have survived the world outside of his pack.  Likely, he would have turned into one of the obnoxious, self-absorbed pricks like the Slater boy.

“What did Geralt say?” Aiden asked, coming up behind him to drop a cup of coffee onto the table beside him.  When Jaskier gave him a curious look, the wolf shrugged.  “I stole it from the counter because the lady who bought them was rude to another customer.”

Jaskier nodded and took a slow sip to avoid answering immediately.  “He doesn’t believe me.”

There was no way to hide the hurt the simple statement caused.

“Did he…say anything about Lambert?” Aiden asked, aiming for casual and missing by a mile.

“No.  He didn’t say much.”

Everything you told me was a lie.

“We could try again.  Maybe Eskel or Lambert could–”

“No,” Jaskier said, shaking his head and taking a deep breath.  “We focus on the plan.  Nilfgaard has to burn.”

[witcherbigbang]

Steal Your Breath

Author: JaskiersValley  

Artist: theoutspokenrodent 

Rating: E

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 20,737

Pairings: Aiden/Cahir/Eskel/Lambert, Geralt/Jaskier

Tags: Professional Mermen, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Disabled Character, Wheelchairs, Get Together, Disabled Cahir,Blow Jobs

Summary:

What do you call a group of professional mermen? If anyone asked Lambert, he'd answer it's an orgy. Or, more specifically, a foursome because that's what he ended up getting out of it while Geralt learned to leave his tail behind in favour of two legs and a boyfriend.

Link to Fic | Link to Art