#laerdan

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

18 with whomsoever would be angstiest

my turn to do crimes <3 (strongly recommended: completion of volume 1):

Wide are the halls where the dead come to wait, and quiet are their steps. 

They meet by chance, wandering among the woven-light tapestries that tell of holly and craftsmen and the great citadel of Eregion. 

"They are beautiful," he says. "The scenes are so life-like."

"They are," she agrees. "My favorites are in the next hall over. Lindon," she explains at his curious glance. "You can nearly smell the flowers."

"Lindon," he repeats, a faint frown creasing his brow. "I lived there once, I think." She looks at him sharply, startled, but there is no greater recognition there. "Would you show me? I would gladly appreciate such a scene."

"I-" she falters, and searches for her swiftly fleeing peace. "It would be my pleasure." He smiles, a sight she knows better than her own reflection, long though it's been since she last saw it, and she leads him down the long, grey hall, pausing when he does to examine one of the tapestries.

The gardens of Eregion burn. An elf-woman strides through them, tall and terrible, with red robes and a delicate silver mask. He frowns at it, lost in some deep thought, and reaches up to touch it. His fingers pass straight through the light-weave and he steps back abruptly, as if he had forgotten where he was. She says nothing. He turns away, and does not stop again until she gestures to another tapestry, peaceful and vibrant and full of flowers.

“To remember flowers…” he murmurs, staring at the scene as if entranced. 

It was only a matter of weeks before she followed him here, but she had wrestled many of her memories back from beyond the sheer veil of death quickly- far more so than most, to hear the keepers of the halls tell it. She had dared to hope, when she first saw him, but perhaps it is too early, still. 

“Father,” Narmeleth says, her voice steady only through great will. “Do you remember the wildflowers? We used to walk there with Mother…”

But Laerdan’s spirit only stares at her unknowing. “I am sorry, friend,” he says, “but I remember very little, still. Did I know you?” She bows her head, and tells herself some things need only time, and wishes the hurt didn’t feel so much like grief.

“Once,” she says. “You will have heard this already, I am sure, but memory will come in time. There is no need to force it here.” She bids him a polite but swift farewell, and flees into the distant halls to wait.

[lordofthesimps]

SFW Alphabet: Narmeleth Edition

A = Affection

Narmeleth is naturally affectionate, although she may not always show it in traditional ways. She expresses her affection through acts of service and thoughtful gestures rather than overt displays of physical affection. She enjoys taking care of her loved ones, whether it's by cooking their favorite meal, lending a listening ear, or offering a comforting embrace in times of need. Narmeleth's affection is subtle but deeply heartfelt. She shows her love through small, meaningful actions that demonstrate her care and devotion. Whether it's leaving a note of encouragement, surprising her partner with a thoughtful gift, or simply being there for them when they need support, she finds joy in brightening their day and making them feel loved.

B = Best friend

As a best friend, Narmeleth is fiercely loyal and dependable. The friendship might start through shared experiences or a mutual interest, gradually deepening as they discover common values and goals. She's the kind of friend who will always have your back, offering support and encouragement in times of need.

C = Cuddles

Narmeleth enjoys cuddling, finding comfort in the warmth and intimacy of physical contact. She prefers to snuggle close to her partner, resting her head on their chest or wrapping her arms around them as they relax together.

D = Domestic

While she may not actively seek out domesticity, Narmeleth is capable of settling down if the right circumstances arise. She's decent at cooking simple meals and keeping a tidy living space, but may need encouragement to fully embrace domestic tasks.

E = Ending

If she had to break up with her partner, Narmeleth would approach the situation with honesty and sensitivity. She would choose a private setting to have an open and respectful conversation, ensuring that both parties have the opportunity to express their feelings and part ways amicably.

F = Fiance(e)

Narmeleth takes commitment seriously and would only consider marriage if she's truly in love and ready to build a life with her partner. She's not in a rush to tie the knot, preferring to take her time and ensure that the relationship is built on a solid foundation of trust and mutual respect.

G = Gentle

Narmeleth is gentle both physically and emotionally, preferring to approach situations with empathy and compassion. She's careful not to cause harm with her words or actions, always striving to be considerate of others' feelings.

H = Hugs

She enjoys hugs, finding comfort in the warmth and closeness of physical contact. While she may not initiate hugs often, she appreciates the gesture and reciprocates with genuine affection.

I = I love you

Narmeleth takes her time before saying "I love you," wanting to be absolutely certain of her feelings. Once she does say it, though, it's heartfelt and sincere.

J = Jealousy

She doesn't easily succumb to jealousy, trusting her partner implicitly. However, if she does feel jealous, she communicates her feelings openly and seeks reassurance from her partner.

K = Kisses

Narmeleth's kisses are tender and gentle, conveying her affection and devotion. She enjoys kissing softly on the lips and forehead, cherishing the intimate moments shared with her partner.

L = Little ones

She is warm and nurturing around children, enjoying their company and delighting in their innocence. She's patient and understanding, offering guidance and support as they navigate the world around them.

M = Morning

Mornings with Narmeleth are peaceful and relaxed. She enjoys starting the day with a cup of tea or coffee, savoring the quiet moments before the hustle and bustle of the day begins.

N = Night

Nights with Narmeleth are spent in quiet companionship, enjoying each other's presence as they unwind from the day. She enjoys cuddling up together or engaging in meaningful conversation before drifting off to sleep.

O = Open

Narmeleth is cautious about revealing personal details about herself, preferring to take her time and build trust before opening up. She shares things gradually, allowing her partner to get to know her at their own pace.

P = Patience

She is patient and understanding, rarely becoming angered or frustrated easily. She approaches challenges with a calm and rational mindset, preferring to work through issues with grace and empathy.

Q = Quizzes

Narmeleth has a good memory for details, often surprising her partner with her attentiveness and thoughtfulness. She remembers important dates and events, showing that she values and cherishes their relationship.

R = Remember

Her favorite moment in the relationship is a quiet evening spent stargazing together, lost in the beauty of the night sky and the warmth of each other's presence.

S = Security

Narmeleth is protective of her loved ones, willing to go to great lengths to ensure their safety and well-being. She values loyalty and trust in her relationships, offering unwavering support and protection to those she cares about.

T = Try

She puts effort into dates, anniversaries, and everyday tasks, wanting to make her partner feel cherished and appreciated. She enjoys planning special surprises and thoughtful gestures to show her love and affection.

U = Ugly

One of her bad habits is overthinking things, sometimes getting caught up in her own thoughts and worries. She may also be prone to self-doubt at times, needing reassurance from her partner to quell her insecurities.

V = Vanity

Narmeleth is modest and understated in her appearance, more concerned with inner qualities than outward beauty. She values authenticity and integrity, believing that true beauty comes from within.

W = Whole

While she values her independence, Narmeleth finds herself feeling incomplete without her partner. They bring a sense of balance and fulfillment to her life, enriching her experiences and bringing joy to her days.

X = Xtra

Despite her composed demeanor, Narmeleth has a playful side that emerges when she's comfortable with her partner. She enjoys engaging in lighthearted banter and teasing, finding joy in shared laughter and moments of silliness.

Y = Yuck

Narmeleth dislikes dishonesty and betrayal, valuing honesty and integrity above all else. She also has little patience for arrogance or entitlement in a partner, preferring humility and kindness.

Z = Zzz

She falls asleep easily at night, her mind at ease knowing that she's in the arms of her loved one. She finds comfort in their presence, drifting off into a peaceful slumber as they hold her close.

[queen-scribbles]

Getting Hal through the book 14 quest stuff has resulted in me wanting give Laerdan a very long hug and then LOTS of therapy.

[find-the-path]

Circulating VERY weird Star Wars/LOTRO (specifically Shadows of Angmar) AU in my brain right now. It is surprisingly fun.

[sweetearthandnorthernsky]

hm i did not consider feanorian!laerdan in the context of half-truths when i started this fic huh

[lotrojourney]

...... Amarthiel?

lotro's og poor little meow meow 😔

[osterby]

I went with the Doomed NPCs, because me liking an NPC seems to be a death sentence for them, but I'm very guilty indeed.

[loremastering]

Only including those who are non canon to the books and featured most prominently, or whoever caught my eye ;)

[elfroot-and-laurels]

sending you “The terrible fire of old regret is honey on my tongue” for Lathuilas 👀

Jay HOW did you read my mind bc I've been thinking about Lathuilas and Narmeleth like nonstop. Also on AO3.

                Narmeleth. Here, alive, imprisoned. Within her mind, and within these walls. Sithad—for that was the name by which Lathuilas knew the place—stood still, but Narmeleth had passed long hence, and Lathuilas cursed the stones that had failed to hold her. No, no—not the stones, but those who had watched her. Her father, her jailer, her mentor, her tempter: Laerdan, Oakheart, Celebrimbor, Antheron. Annatar.                 Sauron.                 Alone in this place now called Delossad, the place of abhorrence, Lathuilas turned to a rusted brazier and rushed it with pointless rage. Piece by piece every loose remnant of her beloved’s imprisonment fell to her hands and her sword. Each rotted corpse of furniture, each crumbling hint of debris: all of it she thrashed, dashing it upon the ground, the walls, the ceiling.

                It was, in its own way, a pleasing draught, warm and heady as Miruvor and yet thrice as bitter. And it would not return Narmeleth to her side, nor would it chase the shadows from her mind.                 “Adarthêl.” Scarce had Lathuilas heard Dúventoliel’s footfalls as she approached, but now the young healer stood in the hall. Her eyes shone in the dim light, and they were those of her father. Lathuilas closed her own eyes and turned away her face in shame.                 “Tôriell.” How long had the girl cared for her father’s sister as she slept? Lathuilas could never know. She had been unaware, lost in dreams. Lost in nightmares.                 “We have driven off the Angmarim sent by Mordrambor.” Further shame, for Lathuilas heard the hatred in the voice of her brother’s daughter. She heard the hatred and knew that she had failed him.                 “You would seek to face the foul Númenórean himself.” The words were observation and accusation both, and they made Dúventoliel set her jaw. Fire flashed in the green beryls of her eyes, and for a moment more, she stood as the image of Findolag, her father. Then the rage was hidden, snuffed out but not gone, and she turned to the plain ring that adorned her finger.                 “I would find justice for those whom he has taken.” Lathuilas knew she spoke of the Dûnadan, and her heart ached once more, for how could she deny her brother’s daughter that which she so craved? How could Lathuilas deny Dúventoliel in this, the most precious of things? And yet: how could she not?                 “It is not justice you seek, child. It is the fire of vengeance, and it shall destroy you, as all fire does.” Lathuilas did not look at Dúventoliel as she spoke. There was no need.                 “Then we shall be destroyed together, Adarthêl.” Closing her eyes, Lathuilas turned away from Dúventoliel’s retreating form. She faced once more the darkness of Narmeleth’s cell, and she let the sweet fire burn through her, as she had done since that day in the holly glade so long past.                 For Dúventoliel was right: Lathuilas had burned slowly since the moment Narmeleth had left her side. In the shadows of Delossad, Lathuilas still burned, and that fire was all that kept her alive.

[legendariium]

I am curious what your ships for each of your mises are. (can be canon or oc or all of your muses but I am curious about all of them I just know there are a lot of them)

Oh man I have so many muses I should put this under a readmore

So to start with my canon muses;

My Orophin and @antleredthrone ‘s Thranduil have had a thing going for years and I adore it even if I am bad at replying to stuff they live in my head rent free. Egalmoth is a general ship with any of the the lord of Gondolin tbh but particularly Turgon.

Daeron/Maglor enemies-to-lovers sounds very 👀 to me ngl. I ship Edrahil/Finrod but it’s unrequited. Also hateship Edrahil/Curufin or Edrahil/Celegorm or Curufin/Edrahil/Celegorm

Thuringwethil/Melian is hhhhhhh I like it. Also Thuringwethil/Ungoliant. Fingon is difficult bc fandom has made Russingon inescapable and I can’t tell if I actually like it or if I’ve just accepted it

Eonwe/Sauron is cute to me except it’s a very innocent and sweet kind of thing they had. Eventually they both hold back bc they each think the other doesn’t feel that way anymore but deep down I think they love each other until the very end, even if they never admit it

I love Dior/Nimloth being childhood sweethearts idc if the timelines don’t match up. Also Dior/Celegorm hnnnnnnn

My favorite Tilion ship is probably Oromë/Tilion bc Tilion is a slut for his Vala. I love platonic Tilion/Arien, aka being each other’s literal soulmates but not in a romantic way. Tilion has also been shipped with Melkor in the past and that was rly fun!! In the realm of oc’s, Tilion has a ship with Maltaril @enchantedwoodandflames and it kinda swept me away with how sweet it is I love it

I love Halenthir ofc- but also Caranthir/Ulfang is kinda juicy. I also ship him with an OC wife that he’s a total simp for. Nellas doesnt ship with anyone, I hc her as aro/ace.

Maeglin is a very fresh muse and I’m still figuring him out but like. Sauron/Maeglin has been rolling around in my head lately and it’s kinda 👀

Aight for the OC’s:

I ship Linadel with a couple LoTRO characters (Laerdan, Lothrandir, Aighrig). Inunir doesn’t have any particular ships right now, but in the past he’s been attracted to the baddies & also attractive hunks. The taller the better tbh

My Elurin (which I’m listing here bc it’s non-canon compliant Elurin) doesn’t have any ships yet. He might be ace. Rina has a couple fun ships here with other OC’s that I have yet to explore very deeply but they also live in my head rent free even though I’m bad at responding. Rina is pansexual & she’s usually attracted to people who are different in some way, people who stick out from the crowd.

[beardyplaysgames]

I've been following this epic book with Laerdan and I have had so many feels and ups and downs trying to help him. Then THIS happened. So now I am trying to unravel the tale and still mourning another character.

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

au roulette 2024 #2- post-apocalypse

(or, the lost company battlestar galactica au)

They jump when the bombs go off, leaping blind from the shipyard into unknown space. 

They don’t land inside a star, thank the gods, but they are well beyond the iron line and deep in enemy space with less than half a battlestar’s proper crew complement, barely supplied, hangar deck a burning mess, and half a dozen jumps from civilization. They return cautiously to Colonial space and find the airwaves full of panic and desperate pleas- where they aren’t ominously silent instead.

Golodir orders another jump when they’re nearly shattered by the sudden arrival of three basestars. Defeated, they jump.

-

“You’re sure you’re alright with this?” Lorniel asks again, braced against the humming upper panels of the Raptor. Corunir laughs, short and mirthless.

“Alright is a strong word, but I can do this.” It wasn’t even properly an order, but someone has to go. He knows this as well now as he did when Golodir had called every qualified Raptor pilot to his quarters. “Besides,” he adds, tapping the new patch on Lorniel’s flight suit. “You’ll have plenty to worry about back here, CAG.” Lorniel rolls her eyes and shoves him lightly.

“Just make sure you come back,” she mutters.

-

Basestars orbit whatever remains of the Colonies. The debris of ships of every class lingers, some of it floating even this far out, clattering harmlessly off the armor of Corunir’s Raptor.

Vardamar is the nearest. He shuts off all the power he can in the Raptor and lets himself drift, hoping he is small enough and far enough to go unnoticed. The long-range scanners of the recon ship hum for hours, but all they hear is silence. Nothing on the public channels, nothing on the Fleet’s. 

Reluctantly, he inputs the rendezvous coordinates and jumps- straight into the debris of battle.

-

“He knows all the rendezvous points,” Elegys says, hauling Golodir to his feet, hiding a wince at his fantastic bruising. The impact of the warheads was bad enough without a hull breach. “He’ll find us.”

“If they don’t find him first,” Golodir mutters, rubbing away half-dried blood. Elegys sighs through her nose.

She watches Lorniel pace, later, and wonders if she should have gone herself. She hasn’t been needed in the CIC since they absorbed Laerdan and his crew, and she’s been flying Raptors longer than Corunir has been alive. At the least, he wouldn’t have had to go alone.

-

They rename the battlestar Avenger- Dúnachar in the language of the old Lords- and they leave the Colonies behind. There can be no going back, not now, not with only one ship, not even with the crew absorbed from the scattered, isolated ships they wander across, as frightened as they and far less accustomed to war. Occupied or laid waste entirely, there will be no return for them. They turn then to the one thing they’re well-trained to do, jumping, striking, and jumping again, leaving shredded metal and the flesh-like insides of the enemy’s half-organic raiders floating in the void.

[lordofthesimps]

SFW Alphabet: Amarthiel

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Amarthiel struggles with expressing affection openly due to her guarded nature. However, she shows her affection through subtle gestures, such as lingering touches or meaningful glances. While she may not vocalize her feelings often, her actions speak volumes. Amarthiel does not like public displays of affection. Holding a high position in the military chain, showing affection toward others would affect her credibility in the eyes of her peers and superiors.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a best friend, Amarthiel is fiercely loyal and fiercely protective. The friendship would likely start with a mutual respect for each other's strengths and a shared understanding of the darkness that lurks within both of them. Over time, they would come to rely on each other as confidants, sharing their deepest secrets and supporting each other through thick and thin. Her best friend would probably be someone with a life story similar to her own, with whom she could share moments of uncertainty and homesickness, without being seen or heard by other Angmar champions.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Amarthiel isn't one to seek out physical affection readily, but in moments of vulnerability, she may find solace in cuddling with her partner. Her cuddles are rare but deeply intimate, conveying a sense of longing and closeness that words cannot express.

She greatly misses the hugs of her father Laerdan.

Bonus: When she sees some stray kittens in the streets of Angmar, she stops to cuddle them. Discreetly, of course.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

While Amarthiel may yearn for stability, the domestic life is foreign to her. She lacks the practical skills necessary for cooking and cleaning, preferring to focus her energy on pursuits that require cunning and strategy. However, she may be willing to learn for the sake of her partner, though her efforts may be clumsy at first.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If Amarthiel had to break up with her partner, she would do so with a heavy heart but a steely resolve. She would approach the situation with cold logic, laying out her reasons for ending the relationship without showing any outward emotion. While she may offer a semblance of closure, she would ultimately retreat into the shadows, leaving her partner to grapple with the aftermath alone.

If she were to be broken up with, she would retaliate instantly, so as to heal her wounded pride. It is possible that after doing so, she would bitterly regret it.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Amarthiel views commitment with a mixture of fascination and trepidation. While she craves the security that comes with marriage, she fears losing her autonomy and becoming vulnerable to betrayal. She may be hesitant to take the plunge into marriage, preferring to keep her options open until she's certain of her partner's loyalty.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Amarthiel possesses a hidden gentleness that she reserves for those she holds dear. While her exterior may be cold and unyielding, she harbors a deep well of compassion for those who earn her trust. She's careful not to reveal this vulnerability too readily, but when she does, it's a rare and precious gift.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Amarthiel isn't particularly fond of hugs, finding them to be a display of vulnerability that she's uncomfortable with. However, she may offer hugs to her partner in moments of rare vulnerability, seeking comfort in their embrace. Her hugs are hesitant at first but gradually become more genuine as she allows herself to let her guard down.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

She is cautious when it comes to saying "I love you," fearing that it may make her vulnerable to rejection or betrayal. She may take her time before uttering those three words, waiting until she's certain of her partner's sincerity and commitment. When she does say it, however, she means it with every fiber of her being, despite the difficulty she may have in expressing it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Lady Amarthiel can be fiercely possessive when it comes to someone she cares about, but she's adept at masking it with an icy demeanor. Instead of overtly expressing jealousy, she'll subtly manipulate situations to ensure her desired outcome.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Her kisses are intense, filled with a mixture of passion and longing. She prefers to kiss on the lips, but she also enjoys placing tender kisses on her partner's neck, igniting their senses with each touch. As for being kissed, she delights in feeling the soft brush of lips against her skin, particularly on her neck and collarbone.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Amarthiel may not have much experience with children, but she possesses a natural grace that children find intriguing. She's patient and indulgent, though her dark aura can sometimes unsettle the young ones.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Amarthiel are spent in quiet contemplation. She enjoys watching the sunrise, finding solace in the stillness of dawn. She may share a moment of intimacy with her partner before the demands of the day beckon her.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Amarthiel are filled with whispered secrets and stolen moments of passion. She relishes the tranquility of the night, finding comfort in the darkness that shrouds her surroundings. She's a creature of the shadows, and her allure only grows stronger under the moon's gaze.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Lady Amarthiel is guarded about revealing herself, preferring to keep her secrets close to her chest. She may offer glimpses of her true self over time, but she's selective about whom she chooses to trust. She reveals bits and pieces slowly, like a puzzle waiting to be solved.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

While she may appear composed on the surface, Amarthiel possesses a fiery temper that simmers beneath. She has a low tolerance for incompetence or disobedience, and those who incur her wrath will feel the full force of her icy rage.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Amarthiel has an impeccable memory and retains every detail about her partner. She listens intently to their every word, committing even the smallest details to memory. She delights in surprising her partner with her attentiveness, proving that she's always paying attention.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Her favorite moment in a relationship is the first time her partner looked into her eyes and saw past the darkness within her, seeing her for who she truly is and accepting her without judgment.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Amarthiel is fiercely protective of those she cares about, willing to go to great lengths to ensure their safety. She's not afraid to get her hands dirty in the name of protecting her loved ones, and she expects the same level of loyalty in return.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Amarthiel puts considerable effort into every aspect of her relationship, from planning elaborate dates to showering her partner with thoughtful gifts. She believes in demonstrating her love through actions rather than words, striving to make every moment with her partner memorable.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

One of her bad habits is her tendency to manipulate others to achieve her goals, even if it means resorting to deceit or coercion. She struggles with trusting others completely, always keeping a part of herself guarded.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Lady Amarthiel takes great pride in her appearance, meticulously grooming herself to perfection. She sees her beauty as a weapon to be wielded, using it to her advantage whenever possible.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

While she may be fiercely independent, Amarthiel finds herself drawn to her partner in a way that makes her feel complete. They are the missing piece of her puzzle, the one who sees past her darkness and loves her despite it all.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Amarthiel has a hidden talent for poetry, crafting verses that reflect the depths of her emotions. She keeps her poems locked away, viewing them as a private expression of her innermost thoughts.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Amarthiel detests weakness in herself and others, seeing it as a flaw to be eradicated. She has little patience for those who wallow in self-pity or lack the strength to stand up for themselves.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Lady Amarthiel is a light sleeper, always alert to any potential threats in her surroundings. She prefers to keep a weapon within reach, unwilling to let her guard down even in the safety of her own bed.

[queen-scribbles]

brb sobbing like a lil bitch over Laerdan and Narmeleth

[find-the-path]

Halbarad: Ah, my friend, tell me, what did you find up north?

Lastadron: *takes a deep breath*

Lastadron: That company that disappeared a decade ago is still alive, sort of, and have formed a first line of defence against the wraith-king you didn't know existed. Most of them are dead, and I think their captain's at least a little insane, but at least they've managed to temporarily vanquish said wraith-king! :D

Halbarad: ...What.

Lastadron: Oh! And remember that Elf that went with them? Laerdan? Apparantly his daughter is the Champion of Angmar that you also didn't know still existed.

Halbarad:

Lastadron: Anyway, can I please have a nap now?

[lilachobbit]

Sorry but my LoTRO main will always be in love with Laerdan