#lae'zel was the only one getting anything done!

[forcedhesitation]

I MISSED THIS ENTIRELY MY FIRST TIME AROUND....THIS IS SO DAMN PRECIOUS?!!

[moonselune]

How do you think the BG3 companions would be as parents or aunties/uncles? I personally headcanon that Shadowheart would be a very doting mother but would be the fun aunt.

OOoooOOOOoOO yes I'm doing this for all of them, no character can escape me now

Karlach:

As an aunt:

She is definitely the auntie that comes round and the children just band together trying to take her to the ground

"Get Auntie Karlach"

And how auntie Karlach puts up a fight, she is swinging children around throwing them onto soft furnishings, tickling them.

Eventually she will relent and let the children pin her to the floor, pretending to 'die'

Though she has done this too convincingly and it too you half an hour to calm your child down, assuring them that auntie karlach was not in fact dead, and this was their aunt and not a zombie.

If there's just one child, you know that when they hear auntie karlach is coming round they are using al of their free time strategising on how to get her

Karlach will sometime take them as their hostage and refuse to let them go when they are hugging and just carries them around till you agree to her terms

Which is either a later bedtime for you (because at this point you have joined forces) or extra cake.

As a mother:

Mama K !!!!

So caring and doting, nothing is too much for her

She would move mountains for her kid and support them regardless

They want to be a bookworm? She wants to hear all your favourite stories

They are more sporty, she will beat them at every game and only occasionally let them win

Is honestly a big kid herself so I can so imagine, you having to call them in for dinner and they are both pouting saying that want to play outside for longer

definitely the less strict parent, they could probably get away with anything

as long as it doesn't mean they get hurt

as soon as they get hurt, mama k is not letting them out of their sight for a WEEK

Minthara:

As an aunt:

Not my kid, not my responsibility attitude

you want a dagger? Sure here's how to hold it properly

you cut yourself on it, that's too damn bad learn to hold it better

definitely buys them a ridiculous amount of expensive gifts but she doesn't really realise it

think of the vibe of "What can one banana cost? ten dollars?"

as soon as they get messy or are dirty they are not coming within 10 feet of her

Snot bubble? That child is getting yeeted across the room

Very much this

As a mother:

I have so many thoughts about this

I think because of her exile she would look at the drow matron system much differently

Instead of raising children to be pawns and agents of her plan there would be a deeper level of relationship meaning a deeper level of loyalty.

Loyalty is a big thing for Minthara and what is more loyal than the unconditional love of a child

so she is going to nurture and tend to that relationship, make that bond between her and her child incredibly strong, they want the child to adore her and respect her, so she will adore and respect them back (that's what she tells herself, in reality she loves her children dearly)

She will dote on them, ensure they only have the best, this is her child after all

Very possessive of the child, and very overprotective

Would definitely guilt the child

but that's probably the worst part of her parenting overall I feel like she would be a very fair and good parent in general (especially compared to normal drow mothers)

Lae'zel:

As an aunt:

aunt? more like coach.

she is training them to be the best warrior or whatever they want to be ever

will she drag your child out of bed at the crack of dawn so they can practice

will then tell them Gith stories when the child starts to fall asleep on them afterwards

carries them with care and tenderness

is so bad for contradicting you

parent said no? Well auntie Lae'zel says yes so lets do it

not allowed this thing? here's ten of them

As a mother:

I actually think she would be rather laid back

she wouldn't fret over them and trust that they knew what they were doing

though as soon as they don't know what they are doing she is there right away to hover over them and help

slightly protective but only because she doesn't trust others

teaches them self defence at the youngest age possible

tells them the best bedtime stories in extremely graphic detail to the point where you have to step in

but the child doesn't mind

in fact how did they manage to get to sleep so easily

her kid is better than the rest, can do no wrong, bad grades? More like bad teacher.

Shadowheart:

As an aunt:

Wine aunt - it's basically canon at this point, so all of these will be with a glass of wine in her hand lmao

Would be so down to have tea parties with them

prefers the sit down games rather than the running around screaming ones - those are for auntie karlach

Shows you all of her animals and teaches you their names and how to care for them

would definitely give them a pet even if you had already said no

and by the time you realise what's happened your child is too attached to it

definitely would let them mess around, and be like if you hurt yourself its your fault

but as soon as they hurt themselves, she's there healing them bribing them not to tell you what happened

As a mother:

helicopter mom to begin with and then eventually when her child proves to be more robust than expected she relaxes a bit

just says yes to any animal they find and want to bring home

so now there's foxy, ratty, mousey and badgery (Shadowheart tried to suggest names but they were having none of it)

Is always there for you no matter what, you can tell her anything and you feel like you can tell her anything

has a tendency to be a little strict but only for your own good

Jaheira:

As an aunt:

she is the aunt of all aunts

gives the best hugs, tells you the best stories

teases you all the time

just constant poking fun

and the day you give it back

she is just so proud

also has that attitude of 'not my kid not my responsibility' but that is such a lie

will love you like her own

As a mother:

we already see what Jaheira is like a mother

very welcoming but has a habit to push them away when there's danger involved or perhaps can be preoccupied with 'the greater good'

I also think that Jaheira is the type of mother to keep everything, every baby tooth, every drawing, everything

She keeps them in a little chest and when she is down she looks at them and she always feels so much better.

Gale:

As an uncle:

hey kids wanna see a cool trick

blows up the living room

"DO IT AGAIN!"

brings them books on just everything

reads to them a lot and teaches them things that they probably shouldn't know at their age

the kid needs an alibi?

Gale is there for it

We've seen his dialogue in the grove, we all know that he supports childhood deliquency and he will so support them in it

As a father:

Thinks their child is the most precious thing in the world

the light of his life (aside from you)

will teach them magic before they can even speak

puts on the most beautiful illusions for the child to sleep to

lives just to see them smile

very overprotective and guilty of infantilising your child

he can't help it, you are just so adorable

PTA Mom, he runs that motherfucker

No stacey, your lemon buns are not acceptable, and no its not because my child detests them, get a grip

he just absolutely adores his child

Astarion:

As an uncle:

Astarion would steal your child to help with his schemes and nobody can convince me otherwise

You think I? With this adorable baby on my hip, would steal your fine jewels? Honestly the audacity

Uses your child as an alibi

How could I do it? I was tending to my dear child

Ser that's not your-

MY DEAR CHILD

Much like Minthara, loves the child until they start making a mess

Would so make them little outfits and the child's teddies little outfits

As a father:

I believe that Astarion would see the child as his absolute fresh start

he is going to be the best version of himself for the child

he is going to try his absolute best for them

going to give them the world

will definitely teach them to lock pick at a young age

and again uses them as an alibi

You think I, with my adorable impressionable child right here, would steal? Truly your standard of parenting may be low but mine is not.

When the baby is on the way he is just stress sewing, your house is filled with baby clothes, blankets, quilts, hats anything Astarion could imagine that the child might need

your child in not wearing the same outfit twice, not because of fashion, no because there are simply so many outfits

Wyll:

As an uncle:

Would be the best story teller, and does all the voices and personas

Loves to play and mess around with them

Would teach them how to sword fight like he did with the children in the grove

Would spoil them rotten as well and know he was doing it though if confronted he would play so dumb

What do you mean I only got them this wooden rocking horse, I could have got them two - but I didn't !

As a father:

very similar to Wyll as an uncle

but imagine him passing down all of the stories and life lessons that his father passed down to him

but the thing that gets me in the feels

is him teaching the child how to dance

from them dancing on his toes to them being able to pull of a move flawlessly

Wyll would genuinely get emotional when you no longer need his guidance or help

And by emotional I mean sobbing

definitely overprotective when it comes to your potential dance partners and all that

no one will ever be good enough for his child

Halsin:

As an uncle:

would just steal the child

it is his now

so sorry for your loss but this is definitely not ur baby

yes they look identical but this one belongs to the forest

oh gods he would so kidnap the child if you lived in the city

but to him it's not kidnapping

it's rescuing

the city doesn't deserve such a treasure

teaches them how to carve wood and instills an important respect for nature into them

if your child got in an argument with you they would so pull the

"Well fine! I'm just going to live in the forest with Uncle Halsin!"

As a father:

They are so precious to him

When he looks into their eyes the world is just right

Their first word is bear, obviously

Teaches them druidic magic and how to wildshape

as soon as your child figures it out it is chaos

you have a bear and baby bear running riot

very hesitant to let you go out into the city

to go far from him actually

he has just lost so much

he cannot afford to lose you too

apart from that, he is the best

Rolan:

As an uncle:

the BEST

shows them so many cool tricks

definitely gives them spell books that they probably definitely should not have

would so side with them if they argued with their parent, regardless of if the child is in the right or not

he knows how his siblings can be

shows off to the kid all the time

when they were a baby they would tell Rolan he's found his perfect audience - one that can only watch in wonder

but as you grow you always demand that Uncle Rolan shows your his magic

and it warms his heart every single time

As a father:

He would be so nervous bless him

always thinking he is doing something wrong

but he is an amazing father

encourages and supports their ambitions

reads to them

I just have a picture of Rolan with a baby sling, tending to Ramazith's tower, just thinking aloud to them and when they babble back he exclaims how glad he is that they agree with them

very overprotective

he just doesn't want them to get hurt, like ever.

the child could scrape their knee and say they are fine and Rolan would be having a meltdown

Cannot handle you growing up

You will always be his baby

Raphael:

As an uncle:

I can't imagine him being a very doting uncle

Raphael most likely has loads of nieces and nephews and he does not care for a single one of them

unless

unless one of them is showing particular talent, something that he needs and then he is all over them

would definitely get them in a contract

"You can trust me, your dear Uncle, now just sign there.."

As a father:

M y h e i r

So devoted and dedicated to them

But also possessive and controlling I can imagine

He dictates their schedule, their schooling, where they go, what they wear, who they socialise with

they will be spectacular, his little hellfire

though lets say they disobeyed him, they snuck out for a few hours or so

they are not leaving the house of hope for a few months or so

that's how it works

they will obey him, and they will love him, he is their father, their creator

and if anyone hurts his child?

he will drag the offender to deepest pits of hell and make his child watch as a show of his love for them.

I'm so sorry that this was stuck in the drafts for so long but here it is ! These are mainly a collection of my own rambling thoughts but hope others enjoy it too ! - Seluney xox

[tsaritza-mika]

Sorry not Sorry guys...

I respect all your inter-companion romance ships, and I hope they bring you joy and endless inspiration, but I have a primal need for something different. I don't need my companions dating each other.

I need them to be the most dysfunctional yet supportive found family they can be

I need Karlach to be literal 'Mama K' and grab Shadowheart and Lae'zel by the scruff and put them on coat hangers, telling them that if they can't say anything nice, then shut the fuck up for five minutes and if they can do that, then she'll come and let them down

I need Astarion and Gale to get into such a spat that all dignity and posh goes out the fucking window, and they devolve into two grown-ass men having a 13-year-old style slap fight while calling each other the harshest of obscenities, but if anyone from the outside tries calling either of them less than fabulous, they join forces and fuck them up

I need Wyll, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel to do each other's hair while discussing all the ways they've taken down various opponents and monsters, and how they would have done things better

I need Jaheira just smacking everyone upside the head whenever they say or do something stupid. Because gods dammit why is she always the only one who can see trouble from a hundred miles away, only to have her perception check fail and stumble right into a trap Halsin had set up to catch food for dinner

I need Astarion to embroider offensive cross stitch into every other companion's tents when he's left behind at camp, for no other reason than he's feeling salty that day

I need Halsin to wildshape into a bear just so he can surprise Karlach with an actual bear and Clive having a tea party with flower crowns and drawings of the horrible ways Gortash will be killed

I need Shadowheart being a petty bitch and letting anyone who was being especially stupid in a fight get a little too close to death as punishment before finally healing them. Because that's just what healers do

I need Gale pranking people with his spells. Use mage hand to yank the rug out from under Lae'zel after she insisted that he was too squishy to fight properly. Casting 'create water' over Shadowheart to ruin her makeup in retaliation for saying last night's stew was a bit bland. Use Telekinesis to fling Astarion off in some random direction because dammit Gale just woke up, and the man needs his coffee before he can properly deal with all of that first thing in the damn morning

I need Lae'zel to take pillow fights just a little too seriously

I need Wyll begging Halsin and Jaheira if they can wildshape into a bear and a shark just so he can ride both of them through the Chionthar while recklessly casting Fireball and Lightning Bolt at the sky, because just think of how cool he would look doing it

[thewritetofreespeech]

Pleaseeeee bg3 companion masturbation hcs there’s not enough

Astarion

Doesn’t masturbate. Since he can’t really ‘get it up’ without feeding like most vampires, he doesn’t have morning wood that needs to be taken care of. But, more importantly, he doesn’t find sexual gratification actually gratifying. Since it has been the source of his torment, his humiliation, and shame for so many years, he would rather just ignore it. When he refinds intimacy with Tav he tries it but thinks that ‘self-service’ is just not all that interesting.

Gale

Before the orb, Gale would masturbate regularly just for release and amusement. ‘Get the juices flowing’ kind of wank. After the orb, he’s too scared to be that stimulated. Despite his research Gale is not convinced that any extra excitement might set him off. He can’t risk it. So Gale has been in totally celibacy for some time. In his sleep, he would rub against his sheets or clothes. Desperate for friction & touch before he woke up and remembered he couldn’t. When he’s finally given his reprieve with Elminster’s spell, it’s one of the first things he does when he’s in private. One, to make sure his celibacy hadn’t ‘ruined’ anything for him long term. Two, for release. And finally three, so he doesn’t embarrass himself with Tav.

Lae'zel

Has never masturbated and does not know the meaning of the word when first told of the subject. Once explained, Lae’zel just huffs at the absurdity. Should she need release, she would find a suitable partner of willing & similar urges to quell her desires with. To use ones own hand that would hold Vlaakith’s silver is humiliating and speaks ill of their value to their Crèche if no one would lay with them. It’s one of the reasons she is so aggressive with Tav in her ‘confession’. Yes, she wants them, but also she needs release too.

Shadowheart

Of two minds on the subject. On the one hand, it feels good and there are clearly some benefits to it. On the other, masturbation is considered self-indulgent and looked down on by Shar. Though chastity is not necessarily part of the faith, relationships and sex distract from the Lady of Loss. All must be given for Shar’s blessing. Including all pleasure. Yet, despite this, Shadowhearts hand does slip past her sleep pants at night. Quiet as a mouse. Skilled hands quick & efficient as to not raise suspicion on its movements. Says extra prayers in the morning after.

Wyll

Wyll used to do it a normal amount for a young man, but after his contract with Mizora he more or less stopped. He could never be sure but he always suspected that she was watching him. Convinced that that was the case he limited himself rather strictly; it certainly made his fencing that much better, as he only had one sword to play with now. When he does, Wyll very rarely ‘indulges’ in it. Tries to get it finished as quickly as possible. Spits in his hand, jerks at his cock, cums, done & done. After his transformation he barely does it at all. Finding his new body unsettling for a time.

Halsin

Despite his inflated sex drive, Halsin doesn’t masturbate all that often anymore. Most of that is due to his entire focus on the Shadow Curse. Consumed by it so much that he rarely took time for sexual release, or even partners. In his youth, he was more prolific at it. Masturbated daily, if he didn’t have a partner available, to the point that he would get irritated if he couldn’t do it. He would also try all manners of technique when doing it. Not just focused on his cock, but all parts of his body for pleasure. One of the few who also desires mutual masturbation with his partner.

[feyascorner]

So might have noticed i have read all your fics and I absolutely love them all!

If your open to taking this request for a fic, i would love like 4 times astarion was jealous and 1 time you were! (I dont know if your familiar with the prompt). Tav sleeping with someone before they get together (act 1) he’s catching feelings! After relationship is established: Act 2 Halsin showing his interest (whether its reciprocated is up to you!). Act3 Shar’s caress, the owner talking about Tav’s interest and drow twins!

Finally, Tav being jealous! Astarion fully enjoying it!

Or just anything with jealous astarion i would LIVE for! Love your work either way 😆

a/n. THEYRE SO CUTE IM IN TEARS I LOVE JEALOUS ASTARION/TAV

also this is not proofread unfortunately, and I'm not 100% if i did this right but we rock and roll!!!1

As much as Astarion boasts (and resents) his familiarity with seduction, you're an anomaly he's yet to understand despite his centuries of experience.

Never once in his courtship, even when he'd been alive, had he felt so tested that he was jealous, over someone. Not really, anyway. Sure there were bits of bitter feelings here and there, but most were trivial and about something involved in the relationship, not the person themselves.

He's counted four times since the two of you met, where he had to resort to his better judgment to avoid resorting to pettiness. The first one, was out of necessity--so much so that he didn't even realize what it was at first.

He had watched you snuggle up to Shadowheart of all people, just when he thought he'd finally manipulated enough to have you wrapped around his finger. Instead, he had to hear you laugh as you let the cleric lead you to a nearby lake, making him question if somehow, he'd gotten rusty. Especially when the rival in question was clearly too busy having a religious crisis to properly court you. Sure, you technically didn't belong to him, nor did he belong to you at the time, but he went to sleep feeling oddly irritated. He made sure to flirt with you even more, apparently, the next morning.

The second time, he had accepted the strange feeling in his chest whenever he saw you. And Gods he should have done it earlier. He made sure to show plenty of public affection, kissing your cheek or hand randomly as you and your companions explored the shadow-cursed lands. He got a mouthful from Lae'zel a few times, but he couldn't care less. And just when he believed he'd eliminated any potential rivals, the damned druid suggested that you had feelings for him. Here, he felt that same churning feeling he had weeks ago at camp, and found it was one that he didn't long for. He wouldn't have blamed you if you'd considered it--especially since the two of you stopped being physically intimate after his confession. But he could deny how much he hated this feeling. Pretending he hadn't heard, waited for you to approach him that night. When you reassured him you'd said no, he could breathe again.

The last time was weeks later, at Sharess' Caress, where the two of you were approached by the drow twins. And when he'd confessed he wasn't ready to become intimate again, as much as it scared him, you only smiled at him and nodded. That cursed warmth he felt from such a simple act of kindness would follow him to the end of his days. But he hadn't had enough time to revel in it, because the drow twins assured you only you would be enough, even if he wasn't a part of it. The moment you refused, he was already dragging you out of the room, cursing the twins under his breath.

But for the first time, he thinks you're the one experiencing that dreadful feeling of insecurity.

"Your measurements are perfect for this new selection that just came in! Here, let me just check if the rest would fit."

He'd thought little of the harmless touches of the tailor, but as he notices your expression through the reflection of one of the mirrors, he thinks differently. Your lips are pursed, eyes following the tailor's movements like a hawk as you tighten the arms crossed over your chest. Astarion himself is no stranger to touch, especially to innocent ones like this, but if your body language means anything, the sentiments are not mutual.

The tailor reaches up to measure his arm span, inevitably bring their face a little to close to his neck. He just tilts away, nodding mindlessly at what the tailor is saying, but his attention is fully on you. You're fidgeting, and your anxiousness is impossibly obvious to him, but the more mischievous part of him stops him from doing anything about it. Instead, he revels in it.

"Did you get my inside leg?" he asks the tailor, grinning widely. "I think you might have to redo it. I was leaning a bit."

The tailor agrees though all he sees is a nod of a head and a voice in his ear going right through the other. He observes as your face falls, and just as the tailor crouches down and leans close, you're immediately across the room at record-speed, hand latching over the tailor's wrist.

Astarion barely manages to hold in his laugh. His smile, however, is another story.

"I'll do it," you mumble to the tailor. They look to you and back up to Astarion before seemingly realizing what's going on, nodding.

"Very well."

He never thought you could look even more alluring than he already finds you, but the way your jaw clenches and your brows furrow makes him think otherwise. You lean down and take the measurements as needed, stomping on his foot in the process.

He snorts.

Once the tailor leaves for the stock room, he finds you sighing. "You did that on purpose."

It's not a question. He laughs, and while he could just apologize, he takes your hand in his, tilting your head with the other so you'd look at him. He might even consider the glare you give him as cute.

"Jealous, are you?"

"What do you think?"

"I was starting to think you weren't capable of jealousy."

"Why not?" you say, feeling his thumb rubs the top of your hand. "I've been plenty jealous before."

At this, he raises a brow. "I'd surely remember that."

"When we first met," you recall. "You flirted with practically everyone in camp. Saying you wanted to drink from Wyll, or something like that."

"You must know that I was--"

"I know what it was," you roll your eyes. "Not at the time though, and I thought you'd lost interest in me."

His jaw falls agape. "You're jesting."

"Why do you think I started flirting with other people? I figured you didn't like me as much as I liked you, so I moved on. Tried, at least."

"Is that what your visits to Shadowheart were?"

You scrunch your nose. "Oh Gods, I forgot about that. I'd rather not remember sleeping with one of my closest friends, thanks."

He can't help the grin stretching on his lips, and you notice, feeling yourself smile with him. "You're enjoying this far too much, Astarion."

"Please, tell me the next time you're jealous, so I'll know to keep an eye on you."

"Don't ask such ridiculous things," you retort, feigning annoyance before lifting his palm to your cheek and pressing a kiss to it. He swears his undead heart might've felt it. And just like that, the tailor returns, and you drop your intertwined hands, and he sees you shoot him a warning glare.

Acknowledging he's had enough fun teasing you today, he shrugs, and when the tailor begins showing him an array of outfits, he's not listening. Instead, he toys with the ring behind his back, making sure to commit your expression to his memory.

[trappedinafantasy37]

So, I'm in the middle of typing up a mini essay about fandom opinion about Minthara and how she is often mischaracterized, especially by those who do not know her. One of the points that I bring up in that essay is that she is the most loyal companion. Then, I really started to question to myself, how exactly is Minthara the most loyal?

Shadowheart will leave your party if you don't take her to confront the Nightsong. Astarion will leave your party if you refuse to help him at all with the ascension ritual. Lae'zel will leave the party if you try to leave the creche without going into the Astral Prism and you fail to convince her to trust you. Wyll and Karlach will leave the party if you raid the grove. I believe Wyll may also leave in regards to a very specific outcome with his dad, but I can't find anything to confirm this. Gale will leave the party if you fail to convince him to stay after the grove raid, or you fail to stabilize his orb by the end of Act 2. Halsin will leave the party if you fail to resolve the Shadow Curse by the end of Act 2. Jaheira will leave the party if Minsc dies, or if Durge accepts Bhaal. Minsc will leave the party if Durge accepts Bhaal.

But there is not a single decision you can make that will make Minthara leave your party. Once she is there, she is there for good. You can make whatever stupid decision you want, good or evil, and she'll still be right there. You can make whatever decision she disagrees with, and she'll still be right there. You can leave her behind in camp when confronting Ketheric or Orin (even after she begs you to take her with you), and she'll still be right there. You can blow up the Netherbrain, and she'll still be right there. You can literally be the nicest do-gooder in the world, and she will still be right fucking there. She might be irritated, but she'll still be right there.

You literally have to purposefully drive her away to get her to leave, and that can only be done by getting her affinity deep into the negatives. And even the most morally good of players won't be able to naturally do that on their own. You have to go out of your way and purposefully choose every option that will piss her off. So, as long as you're not an asshole to her, she will stay by your side no matter what.

That's what I love about BG3 and the subversion of tropes. The one companion who will stick with you through thick and thin, is the "evil" one. The one companion who will never betray you in any way, is the "evil" one (which is ironic as she comes from a culture that is all about betraying the ones closest to you). You can recruit all 10 companions and have all of them leave your party at some point, and the only one who won't, is the "evil" one.

This is no longer just an opinion of mine. It is a fact, Minthara is canonically the most loyal companion. She will always stand by you no matter what you do, even if she hates the things you're doing.

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Ok, I’m a little confused on how to word this request so bear with me.

Would you be willing to write a short fic about Astarion and The Main Character, sharing a tent at camp because relationship, and the main character giving Astarion a massage because he got hurt in battle, but Astarion starts moaning too loud on purpose, and making the other people at the camp think they are having sex?

I realize how weird and specific this is, but I love the idea of Astarion being an absolute Ham, and making the others uncomfortable XD

(Bonus points if the Main Character plays along)

LOL. Yes, I am willing. CW: Actually not many? Allusions to sex I guess? Maye spoilers to be safe? Brief mention of sadboy back story? This is honestly pretty tame.

~

Astarion wasn't against adventuring. If anything he was a fan, especially when comparing it to his old life. But he was only a fan when it was him doing the bloodshed, not when he was the one being knocked around into walls by massive ogres.

It hadn't been the worst pain he'd ever felt, far from it. But it had been fairly intense. Intense enough for it to take multiple tries for him to get back on his feet. And to have you fawning over him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" You asked as the two of you entered the tent hours later, still hovering behind him, "Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm fine darling," Astarion sighed as he plopped down onto his bedroll, exhausted beyond belief, "Nothing that a good night's sleep can't fix."

The healing from Shadowheart had done wonders, even if his muscles were still screaming at him. He was sore yes, but it really was nothing dire. But that wouldn't stop you from fretting, a fact that Astarion was a fan of.

It was no secret that he liked it when you agonized over his well-being. At first he had been a bit offended at your constant worry, taking it as a lack of belief that he could take care of himself. But then he realized you just... cared. About him of all people. Deeply and intimately, in a way that Astarion had never known, but one he could certainly get used to.

"Want me to have a look?" You asked as you sat next to him, your hands already helping to do the work of taking his armor off, "Maybe a massage?"

"That would be perfect," Astarion sighed, more than happy to let you pamper him. He had been hoping that you would ask that. You did have talented hands, "Thank you darling."

After he was divested of his armor you had him lay on his stomach, his back bare as you straddled his legs. Then you got to work, kneading his sore flesh like a pro. Astarion could feel the tension seeping out of his muscles. You really were so good at this, just one more perk of accidently falling in love with you.

He was moaning before he even knew the sounds were out of his mouth. But he didn't give it much thought, not when he knew you didn't mind. If anything you liked hearing him feel so content, even if he could get a little loud.

"Tch."

Astarion blinked his eyes open at the sound. Was... was that a scoff he heard? Astarion strained his ears, listening out of curiosity as you worked wonders on his back. That was one benefit of being a spawn and elf hybrid, he had vastly superior hearing abilities.

"It's happening again," That was definitely Lae'Zel's voice, the gravely cadence instantly recognizable.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad!" He heard Halsin say quietly, only to be met by collective groaning, "Whiners, the lot of you. I would have expected better from you Karlach."

"All I'm saying is that they could pitch their tent a bit farther away, that's all!" She laughed back at him, "Can't a girl be a little jealous?"

"Or a little annoyed," Shadowheart grumbled.

"Or a lot," Gale agreed, grumbling in that very specific way that made Astarion want to slap the frown off of his face.

Astarion rolled his eyes, finding himself to be a bit annoyed as well. While it was true that the two of you could get... excited, you weren't that bad. And Astarion had made it a point to sneak you far away from camp when he really wanted to have his way with you. What more could they ask for? It just felt like envy at this point, an envy that Astarion was petty enough to resent.

"All I'm saying is if I lose one more wink of sleep because of those two, they're getting a piece of my mind," Gale continued, "I'm sure we all can agree on that."

Oh. Well in that case...

"You're so good at this my sweet," Astarion moaned loudly as you worked over a hard knot in his back, "The best I've ever had."

He could hear more groaning from the peanut gallery, but better yet he could hear the smile in your voice as you quietly answered, "I'm just happy it helps. You're so bruised sweetheart, I'm surprised you're still standing. Your pain tolerance is really something else."

That was unfortunately true, a natural consequence after decades and decades of torture. But at least it served him in his newfound freedom.

"Maybe I just like it when it hurts," Astarion groaned loudly, an obvious lie. Especially to your ears.

It was enough to have your hands pausing on him. You leaned in close, whispering a question in his ear, "Are you doing what I think you're doing?"

"Darling, I'll do anything you want me to do," Astarion murmured, hoping that the ridiculous line would get his point across. And it did, of course it did. No one understood him better than you.

Astarion glanced at you as you leaned back, pleased to see the telling smirk on your face as you got back to work.

"Do you like that baby? Should I go lower?" You asked loudly, biting your lip near the end to keep in a giggle, "Would you like that?"

"Please," Astarion moaned out, only half of the sound faked. You really were just that good at giving massages. And the show you were both putting on was having the desired effect.

"For the love of everything that is holy keep it down!" Gale yelled out into the night, doing nothing more than encouraging Astarion to get even louder, "Perfect darling, right there. Gods, I'm close."

"Mm, flip over. I wanna see your face during," You shot back. Astarion could hear it in your voice, that barely contained laughter. And he wasn't doing much better himself. If anything he was a little surprised the others hadn't caught on yet. Maybe even a little offended. The dirty talk you had together wasn't this bad, a fact that they would know if they had actually ever heard it.

But before Astarion could belt out his big finale, the flap of your tent was being pulled open, Gale's voice yelling into it, "For the love of Mystra would you two shut up- oh my gods. They aren't even naked!"

That was the end of the façade. The two of you burst out laughing, you falling down to Astarion's side as you erupted into a pair of giggling idiots.

Karlach joined Gale at the door to the tent, her voice cracking halfway through on a laugh, "I told you they were hamming it up! Wyll, you owe me ten silver!"

Gale was already turning back, a pout on his lips as he muttered, "You're both lucky it was fake. We were five seconds away from sending Lae'zel in to shut you up."

"The threats aren't going to help my desire to continue fucking with you in the future," Astarion called after him, wiping amused tears from his eyes as they both stepped away. You turned to face him, still giggling up a storm as Astarion wrapped an arm around your wasit.

He kissed your cheek, still grinning ear to ear, "I think it's safe to say that I feel much, much better now."

[static-sulker]

I might maybe possibly be thinking of a modern fantasy apartment AU with the main crew. All of them being stupid ass magical roommates without tadpoles...Just letting them be happy.

Also my Tav is in there because...yeah. His name is Silk and he is such a silly guy ridden with the 'tism. Drow Warlock who sees the good in everything... Such a...A yeah...

Little notes i've been conjuring about this...

Gale and Wyll made a chore chart in the kitchen, with little magnets for each person. Astarion regularly will switch his magnet in the middle of the night just so he doesn't have to do the fucking dishes and EVERYBODY knows besides Gale and Wyll. Wyll is on the fence about it, but Gale wholeheartedly believes when Astarion lies through his teeth about never having done it.

Karlach and Halsin go on grocery runs in the mornings. Karlach goes for the running part, while Halsin comes along for the run as well as to stop Karlach from buying the most horrendous shit. The one time she went alone very early in the houses lifespan, Karlach bought like 3 bags of go-gurt, about 50 dollars worth of cheap booze, and a big piece of raw steak to cook. She burnt said steak. But she's trying now, at least.

The team will take turns every now and then to get Astarion blood from themselves as it gives Astarion a lot more energy then normal settling blood. BUT they do have "blood bags" that they set up in the kitchen fridge whenever they know nobody with the right blood is gonna be available to give him blood if he needs it. They TOTALLY get it by legal means and it TOTALLY doesn't melt Astarions heart that they try so hard to help him.

Silk finds a stray dog in the alleys of their building one day when they went out to work (they do freelance art with their magic for like startups, it's fun). After casting "speak with animals" they find out this dog, Scratch, is waiting for his owner to return. His owner was killed out by some gnoll gang downtown. When they come back from work later in the evening, they find Scratch again, still waiting. Long story short, Silk adopts scratch in their very strict "no pets" rule of an apartment. And don't get me STARTED on the owlbear cub. Lae'zel and Halsin were out, originally to get some spare lightbulbs and tools for the apartment and find the little critter getting chase by some goblins in some backalley parking lot. Lae'zel plans to ignore the thing, but Halsin assists the cub. Once done, they plan to leave, before the cub begins to follow them home. Halsin names the cub "Vauva" and Lae'zel soon becomes SO attached.

They have presentation nights, where everybody makes slideshows about literally anything. Last week, Gale made one about the conflicts of archmages and the idea of apprentices. Karlach then made a tier list on the worst monsters ever documented, Lae'zel helped with that one. Shadowheart made this whole discussion over her favorite and least favorite teas (she fuckin' hates green tea for like no reason). Wyll made one on Baldurs Gate history. Astarion made a smash or pass list of all of the political leaders in Baldurs Gate. Silk made a presentation on the weirdest underdark myths and rumors they have heard on their time above ground. Halsin presented (well more like persuaded) on getting a new herb for their kitchens row of herbs and spices set on the windowsill. They have too many and he got like 5 minutes of stand time before Karlach kicked him off.

Lae'zel hate-cleans when shes mad at somebody in the apartment. Basically, she cleans every room in the entire fucking apartment BESIDES any of said "victims" parts of the house. One time, she got into a fight with Shadowheart and threw all of the dirty laundry she had so carefully put into the laundry room back into her room just all over the fucking place. If shes calm though, the house is normally fairly clean under her and Wyll's watch. It's one of the only things they agree on.

Because every bg3 piece of content I make loops back to bloodweave, I think they would have a little reading time together. Like whenever everybody is settling down for the night and they are up for it, they take this lovely window seat couch/bed thing in Gales room and just take out a good bottle of wine and a book for each of them and just read until late. They originally did this separately, but when the two find themselves both in the living room at 2 in the morning reading, they decide in silent agreement to make it routine. They sometimes read in silence, other times just talking absently about anything. Shadowheart finds out first by coming in to Gales room late one night to return a book he lent to her to find the two both passed out, tucked away in the window, books still in hand before they accidentally passed out. Shadowheart then teases them with photos the morning after.

Karlach and Lae'zel both do these really intense shadowboxing exercises in Karlachs room whenever the two have freetime and enough energy to go through with it. It's a heated bitter rivalry in the eyes of the githyanki, but Karlach just loves a little workout with her friend! Lae'zel does enjoy the workouts, as she doesn't get many options to really let off ALL of her steam, even if she works at a gym as a personal trainer. She is constantly told shes a bit TOO rough with the clients so she has to "tone it down". So it's nice.

Astarion and Shadowheart have girls nights. Like they paint each others nails and watch like twilight together (ironically they get so heated at how wrong they get it. "Just another human writer writing about shit she doesn't get" is used a lot in their rewatches). They also talk about like...their feelings. But it's very sparse and done so by a copious amount of wine (wine with a heavy amount of blood on the side for Astarion). Both of them never got to have moments like this in their childhoods, of just pure calmness and domestic childhood enjoyment, so they make due with what they can.

BY THE HELLS I JUST REALIZED I WROTE THIS MUCH. DAMN OKAY.

[knitwit1912]

Team Tadpole: Modern AU Disney World Edition

A friend and I started riffing on what would happen if Team Tadpole went to Disney World.

Halsin 100% has a different ear headband for every day of the trip

Astarion tries to pretend he's too cool for everything, but is in fact loving it and gets a little emotional when they go for lunch at Be Our Guest

Minthara is just wondering how in the hell she was talked into this for the first half of the trip but betrays her growing enthusiasm by screaming gleefully on Tron.

Wyll gets blushy and nervous at all the princess meet-and-greets (Astarion does not let him live this down)

They go to Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party and Lae'zel spends the entire time repeatedly riding Space Mountain because it's the one time it's 100% dark and as intense as Disney gets (she whines about going to Universal where they have "real rollercoasters")

Eating around the world: Gale, Halsin Drinking around the world: Astarion, Shadowheart, Karlach

Halsin laughs at all the dad jokes on the Jungle Cruise, Minthara seethes quietly, Astarion mumbles about whether he'd get banned from the park for jumping overboard

Karlach nearly gets the Mad Tea Party ride shut down for decontamination by spinning her teacup so hard the other occupants nearly lose their lunch

Minsc ties helium balloons to Boo until he floats. Otherwise he's carrying stuffies and huge amounts of food ("Gale, my foodie friend! Cheeseburger spring rolls; we must try these!")

Gale organizes the itinerary around dinner reservations (he's still a little sad everyone was like "HELL NO, GALE" when he floated the idea of doing the $425-per-person Chef's Table dinner at Victoria and Albert's)

"Which one would just run off and start causing chaos?" "Oh, Karlach. 100%. Well-meaning chaos, but chaos nonetheless."

Smuggler's Run positions: Pilot: Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Minthara (fistfight narrowly avoided by Jaheira splitting them into two groups) Gunner: Karlach, Wyll, Astarion Engineer: Gale, Halsin, Minsc

After the first 30 seconds of hearing the song on "Journey into Imagination" Astarion, Minthara and Lae'zel start discussing how they would like to kill Figment and settle on disembowelment (we will not discuss how "It's a Small World" goes)

Astarion and Shadowheart are Big Mad that the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique is for children only, because they are pretty pretty princesses. Karlach is sad for the same reason but manages to badger everyone (except Minthara) into getting pixie dusted, meaning they're all finding glitter on their clothing (and elsewhere) for weeks.

Halsin makes everyone take the train to Rafiki's Planet Watch just so he can pet the goats

Crying at "Happily Ever After" fireworks: Astarion, Karlach, Minsc Cuddling their crying partner: Halsin, Wyll, Gale Using the fireworks to ride the rides with no lineup: Lae'zel, Jaheira, Shadowheart, Minthara

Most likely to have watched every All Ears/Mammoth Club/Disney Food Blog guide: Gale, Lae'zel

Mostly likely do have done a reasonable amount of research and preparation: Wyll, Minthara, Jaheira, Shadowheart, Halsin

Least likely to have looked at anything that has the faintest whiff of planning prior to the trip, including the weather forecast: Astarion (therefore also most likely to have to spend $$$ for a spirit jersey because he didn't pack warm enough clothing.)

Most likely to figure out on the first day how to game Genie+ and makes it their life's work to get the most lightning lanes possible and the earliest Guardians of the Galaxy/Tron virtual queue boarding group: Lae'zel and Minthara

Halsin seriously suggests staying on a tent/RV campsite at Fort Wilderness; Astarion votes for concierge-level Grand Floridian

Person who always asks to squeeze in one more ride on Pirates of the Caribbean: Wyll Person who somehow always gets wettest on Pirates of the Caribbean: Gale or Astarion

[zwolfgames]

The Creché is super safe, right Lae'zel?

(Yo guys, been a while but that's because uni is kicking my aft :3. Here's more BG3)

Warnings: mentions of yandere stuff ig

Other parts: Begin, Goblin camp,

(3rd person POV)

Well, that goodbye party with the thieflings from the grove had been great.

Astatrion had snuck you some wine while no-one was looking since you told him you never had any. Worst idea a two hundered year old could possibly have but who are you to judge?

Halsin had decided to stick by your group as he had some buisiness to take care of in the shadow cursed lands... And he just met such a cute little cub like you, surely these weirdo's you're travelling with aren't keeping you out of harms way, as a responsible and wise druid he must step up to protect you!

This change in the team hadn't gone unnoticed by any of your compagnions, Lae'zel no longer found herself able to walk close to you on the way to the shadow cursed lands, as did many others notice that they weren't having as much time with you either since that new big elf guy was hogging you the whole time to teach you about plants!

You were focussing ahead as you had all stepped onto a lift, bringing you to a lower part of the mountain pass. From the moment you had all found Githyanki remains, Lae'zel started insisting that you must all go to the creché...

It's sweet to think she beliefs they'd help any of you... but your hopes were low, as your mother had described.. usual Gith were very cruel creatures, not only to themelves but to outsiders aswell.

"Are you sure about this? We can't exactly fight a whole bundle of gith on our own." Karlach bites her lip as she hesitantly speaks to Lae'zel about her worries.

"They will not harm us as long as you all stay by me." Lae'zel tsks and keeps walking up front.

"Karlach has a point, we do have a kid with us." Wyll adds.

"Teen." You correct with a face that should get the message over that you're done repeating that.

"You think they'd harm our youngling?" Lae'zel growls in offence.

"Yes? Y/N's not exactly the same species..." Wyll nods.

"What if we just all paint ourselves green?" Gale adds with a mocking tone.

"Shut up before you anger her." Shadowheart hisses and nudges Gale in the ribs.

The wizard let's out a little 'ow' as everyone marches on.

You all arrive at the door as two Githyanki guards asses your group, weapons unsheated. If you weren't confident in the fact that these people care about you enough to jump in the way if you were to be attacked you might have been nervous.

"State your purpose." One of the guards demands Lae'zel with a sneer.

You zone out as she starts telling that same story about how you all got kidnapped by mindflayers and infected and bla bla bla...

They eventually let you all in, apparently Lae'zel had a charm to her you wouldn't have ever noticed by the way she smooth talked you all into the creché.

"Behave, we must get cleansed by the Zaith-isk..." Lae'zel explains shortly.

"I call shots." You raise your hand.

"You will not be going first. I say we let the vampire do it." Shadowheart huffs.

"Excuse me? Let these Gith poke around in my brains? Defenitly not! I'd lose all my charm." Astarion huffs in offence.

"I will go first, it is my right." Lae'zel states clearly. No one seems to object so thats all fine.

You take a step back as Lae'zel lays down in the strange looking Gith apperature. The machine doesn't move before the scientist of the local Creché flips a brass lever, making the machiene whir to life.

It looks a bit too roganic for your liking, not exactly a machiene if it's got organic parts.. is it?

As the Zaith-isk started doing.. whatever the hell this is, you and your party stared in concern as Lae'zel started screaming.

Yea that... can't be good.. And no ones doing anything but staring.

Seriously, do you have to do everything here? That machiene obviously wasn't going to let Lae'zel out alive.

You snatched the crossbow off of Wyll's back and took aim, clicking the string into place before lodging an arrow into a nook between the plating and the delicate wiring inside of this strange contraption.

The Zaith-isk sparked and rumbled before it partially exploded and pushed Lae'zel out.

Your gith compagnion looked stunned and angered.

The question was, was she going after your head or the scientists'?

"You- Why did you do that!? I was getting cleansed!" Lae'zek seethes. looking ready to strangke you if it weren't for the annoyance of a protective instict that you've brought up in her in this journey.

"Frying you alive you mean? Yea, thank the kid instead." Astarion scoffs with an added tsk.

Lae'zel then turned to the Githyanki scientist, looking infuriated.

"You were planning for me to die?" She growls, sharp teeth bared.

You hide a bit behind Wyll as Lae'zel raises her sword.

The other Gith starts yelling for reinforcements and you stiffen in slight nervousness. A whole camp of Gith is... a challange.

"I think we're screwed." You whisper to no one in particular.

"No, no we have this.. uhm.. do you remember that spell I taught you, Y/N?" Gale whispers back, putting a hand on your shoulder.

"Uh.. no." You shake your head. The wizards sigh in dissapointment.

"The one with the hail?" Gale tries again.

"Oh, yea. I do know that one." You nod now.

"Good, now, just keep the hail at the entrance of the door as long as possible, so that everyone that runs in slips and falls, ok? We will take them out." Gale tries to smile. What an ass of a plan. As if Gith are that prone to slipping.

But whatever, Gale knows exactly what he's doing, doesn't he?

...

"On your left!" Karlach shouts in fear as she sees a spell fly your way.

You look to your right like world's most incompetent child and get hit square on the chest with some random pshycic spell.

It flings you back right into a diffrent Gith soldier who growls and raises his sword.

You freeze him with your hands as you yelp in pain from the impact.

Gale's plan had only worked for about the first two soldiers that ran in before they realized they just had to shuffle in instead of run.

And now you're all fighting for dear life.

Karlach bashed the head in of the Gith you just froze. You let out a shudder at the blood that splashed on you.

This room was a damm bloodbath.

And that annoying voice in your head didn't stop shouting about the tadpole's you had to pocket before they got smashed.

Seriously, as if you cared!

All in all, it was chaos.

Not an alignment you were that comfrotable with.

You suddenly felt yourself getting scooped up. Debating between panic and rationality you decided to look behind you as to who had the audacity to pick you up. And ofcourse it's Halsin-

And why is he sprinting out with you?! The fighting isn't over!

You struggle in the elfs grip but he doesnt let up before he's made it outside. All the Gith were busy with your group.. so they didn't seem to care about the two of you escaping. The singular guard that ran after you got vine trapped before halsin made it to the exit, so that seemed solved.

"Where are we going!? We can't just leave everyone behind." You frown as the tall elf keeps walking away from the Creché.

"Out of harms way, you have no place amongst battle." Halsin shakes his head.

"Hey, I saved you in battle along with the party back at the Goblin camp!" You protest.

"Wich as reckless, your compagnions clearly don't have your best intrest in mind." Halsin huffs as he takes you up to the ruin that used to be Lathanders temple. Sitting out between the vine grown stairs as he holds you in place by your shoulder so you don' run off.

Seriously, you don't like it when some people just decide things for you, that's something only your mother could do and you haven't seen her since... since the mindflayers got you.

"Calm down, maybe they'll be fine." Halsin reassures reluctantly. You didn't really like how he seemed to not even want them to come back.

Why is everyone behaving so weirdly. Just a few days ago everyone was just jokingly insulting eachother...

You sit there with a defeated face while waiting for something to happen.

Eh, they have Karlach, should be fine.

You just keep telling yourself that.

After what felt like an eternity, the rest of the party finally comes out of the Creché, bloody and exhausted.

You stand up to yell to them that you're over here, what goes unnoticed to you is that Halsin almost reached out to shut you up.

You call out to them with a wave and their tense faces soften.

The party gets reunited again and Shadowheart starts looking you over fr injuries while the rest has a mixed opinion of Halsin taking you away from the fight.

To each their own opinion...

Atleast you got a healing potion. Good stuff, you should learn how to make that.

Before things go south..

Well, its been very long OmO. Not good I know, but I'm in university now and interior architecture is no joke apparently. Haven't gone a day without homework. Actually finishing this the day before my art history exam. (I am so gonna fail).

Hope you guys still enjoyed this! Next up would be the shadow cursed lands etc. But if you have any asks I'd love to answer those too!

ZWolfGames out ;3

[lelianasbong]

BG3 blunt rotation gooooo!

Karlach lights the blunt with her lips (charming), pretends to pass it to Clive before catching herself because HE IS BABY, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING-! Apologizes profusely to her stuffed bear (who has never done anything wrong in his life) and passes the blunt mournfully to Gale.

Gale, who is on thin fucking ice. He keeps chiefing the blunt (relaying a memory of utmost relevance, he's getting to it-) and waving it dangerously close to people's eyeballs with every exaggerated hand gesture. Whips it too close to Lae'zel's face one too many times and she snatches it out of his fingers in irritation.

Lae'zel is horny and hungry and HANGRY. She's only sitting next to Gale because he's responsible for the food (and because he segued into asking very clinical questions about oviparity which is kind of doing it for her tbh). Puff puff pass and then she's elbowing people (painfully) out of the way for dinner.

Shadowheart is lost in the sauce. She took two hits and is staring at her hands, giggling absently. Every now and then she pulls a face at nothing. Someone draped a blanket over her shoulders and she's counting the individual threads. Astarion nicks the blunt after she's been sitting on it for a solid minute (she doesn't notice).

Astarion doesn't need to use his lungs but he can. Figures the whole process would be more enjoyable were he to drink from the tap, so to speak, of one of his absolutely zooted companions (and is seriously considering asking). Makes a drawling joke about having red eyes that only lands with 50% of his audience which he takes as a victory.

Wyll is pleasantly baked out of his mind. His body's so loose he's melted into the nearest felled tree, laughs too loudly at jokes that are NOT funny, listens earnestly after asking thoughtful questions about your childhood. Falls asleep with his mouth open and one boot toed-off and proceeds to sleep for ten hours.

Minthara: Paranoid little freak. Convinced there's something wrong with the bud (there isn't). No appetite, twitchy AND armed. Gets up every three minutes to stalk the perimeter and sniff Gale's hair suspiciously.

Halsin. He's the plug, this is all his fault. They don't call it the Circle of the Moon for nothing.

[kitthenameless]

I just learned that companions apparently have different dialogue lines for helping and healing people based on relationship. I'm not sure how that works, if it's only for Tav/Durge? Since afaik they don't have relationship approval with each other. But I'm reading them, and the negative ones are so funny.

Karlach and Wyll are still cordial. Lae'zel is perfunctory.

But then there's Halsin:

It shall be done - reluctantly.

Oak Father, grant me patience.

In nature, you would be left to fend for yourself…

Jaheira:

Well, if abandoning you isn't an option...

Shall I lace your boots for you as well?

If play-time is quite finished?

Shadowheart:

Ugh, better offer help.

Worse than a bloody child.

Stuck? Why aren't I surprised.

Gale:

There's always one.

Not this again.

In trouble? Small wonder.

And Astarion:

Why? They'll only fall again.

I'm carrying these people.

How have you survived this long?

And Minsc's healing banter is, well, more concerning than anything:

Was this lump of flesh yours? Too late, stitched inside.

I'm starting to feel like I'm missing out on a lot of great content by having good relationships with the characters lol.

This was just a few for each, and these are all from the BG3 wiki. Here's Astarion's page to get you started if you want more. They're really fun to read because it's impossible to see/hear it all just by playing.

[michanvalentine]

So, I played Baldur's Gate 3, and I played it later than many others. All thanks (or perhaps it would be better to say fault?) of a friend who told me "you absolutely have to play it"! And so I did, completely losing myself in the world of Faerûn. It was really difficult to reconcile my duties as a wife and mother with the desire to play and discover everything about the plot and the characters. In fact, it took me forever to finish! Also because I am the classic player who has to go and sift through every single jar, corner or place forgotten by the gods to make sure I don't leave anything out. I'll start by saying that I played it completely blind and that it was a heroic playthrough. So here I am with my thoughts after finishing my first run.

Morween: Hi! I am a Seldarine drow. I am a cleric of Selûne. I'm a heroine! I spit in my father Bhaal's face and I'm proud of it! Oops! I accidentally killed an innocent bard...

I don't want to talk about the game and how well made it is in its entirety. We all know this, I think. I only need to talk about my very personal relational experience with the character who won me over despite my resistance.

In a roundabout way, while I was trying to conquer the beautiful Shadowheart, I found myself in a relationship with Astarion. I had fun with him at the tiefling party more out of curiosity than anything else, plus I didn't even think he liked me and that it was just fun for him too. Up until that moment we had done nothing but argue and clash over our respective visions of the world. And the “disapprove” message was constantly over my head (along with that of Lae'zel)! Nonetheless, having him around was a delight for this reason too (in addition to the fact that I found his jokes funny). The contrast and our discussions made the interactions seem particularly real to me...

I wanted to talk with him. First of all because I found our hypothetical conversations about getting killed or which of our companions to drink extremely funny. But I wanted to understand. And I wanted him to understand too. And every time I saw "the glimmer" I felt even more motivated to bring out everything he had inside. A lot of stuff, I later discovered...

Obviously at the beginning, as a player, I was trying to understand how the game worked and my female Durge was trying to understand who the people around her were and where their misadventure would lead her. So I only understood many things later!

Morween: Wait, ehm… Whaaat?!?! Am I the weird one or... no, never mind.

In any case, when Astarion thanked me for not giving him up to the blood merchant, I wanted to make this clear to him, so I selected the "I care about you" dialogue option. But I honestly didn't realize that this would mark the beginning of my relationship with him. Afterwards I didn't feel like reloading. Even if I had to abandon the beautiful Shadoweart (with whom I had only shared a bottle of wine and a passionate kiss until then). I thought that things had happened that way for a reason and my game, my choices, had naturally led me that way. Honestly, I had to stop with Gale too, because even my favorite wizard didn't disdain the company of Bhaal's offspring too much. And it broke my heart, because every single one of them deserves to be loved, dammit!

Morween: We got problems, you and I. Big. Deadly. Serious problems. But we're also so dangerously cute together!

What followed was an intense journey full of very strong emotions, as I think it was for everyone who played Baldur's Gate 3. I became attached to my traveling companions as if they were friends in the flesh. And of course I ended up falling madly in love with my pixelated vampire boyfriend.

He's truly a well-rounded character. The thing that literally drives me crazy is that he's a fucking vampire, a real one. A vampire who acts like a vampire and has all the instincts of a vampire. He likes killing, the smell of blood intoxicates him, he has a hunger that devours him from the inside, and he can very well lose control. Finally! An accurate and truthful depiction of what it means to be a vampire. And not just a spicy detail to add to a story for horny teenagers. So the character of Astarion earned admiration points from me. Why? Because despite everything he is able to travel with different "blood bags" without necessarily attacking them and sucking them to the core. It takes great willpower to keep such appetites at bay. And yes, I know, there's that first night when the pale elf tries to attack you while you are sleeping... but hey, surprise of surprises, everyone makes mistakes. Few are those who learn from mistakes. And Astarion is more than willing to learn, another of his qualities, and he is willing to do so throughout the entire journey!

Morween: Yeah, sure, I could judge him... If I hadn't also tried to kill him while he slept...

Side note, when the urge calls and Astarion finds himself in the same situation, he is ready to forgive Durge's mistake in the blink of an eye. Because he knows, dammit. What's more, he is willing to stay there, next to them, to help them control themself. And there I thought: fuck, I want to be there for him too.

Of course Astarion has his own personality, his own flaws; and I love him for it. He's a chronic liar, yes, and he's quite selfish with a nice propensity for lust for power. All perfectly explainable and understandable, considering his past. I was shocked at the amount of abuse he had to endure. I didn't expect it, not so deep, not so real and so detailed, especially for the psychological aspects and the reaction to trauma, considering we're talking about a character from a video game. And my heart broke. 200 fucking years under Cazador. It's no wonder he's a broken man, but not finished. And it's wonderful to see his survival instinct gradually transform into a real desire to live. He is a dangerous man (elf?) but the moment you realize that he can change, he can be rehabilitated, he can heal and be better (up to a certain point, he is still a vampire, a predator with the instinct of kill and with a passion for blood), you know it was worth it. No matter if as a friend or a lover, you are the hero he has been waiting for 200 years. And, for heaven's sake, when he trusts you completely he is capable of unprecedented sweetness and sensitivity. Of course he's still the scoundrel with the sharp tongue and easy sarcasm, but after all that's why he's adorable!

Morween: I confess, Mother Superior, saving the innocent is right, but it is too obvious and easy. Redeeming the bad guys is sooooo much better, that's a real challenge! What heroine would I be otherwise? How do you say... you are not interested? Yes, right... let's talk about Shadowheart.

So when at the end of his quest he thanked me for saving him from himself (even though I only gave him a nudge), with that honest smile on his lips, my satisfaction was immense. He knows, he appreciates, he has grown. He knows exactly what loving him means and is grateful for it. It took patience and a lot of trust, even when it was an objectively stupid thing to do. It took the ability and the will to go further, to see something in him, that he could be better, and to believe in him. Believing that he was enough just the way he is. This is loving someone and making them feel loved. And it was a beautiful conclusion to his story arc.

It also took a lot of delicacy, I would add. I played the entire game and experienced my relationship with the character of Astarion with the concrete feeling that losing him would have been very easy. After all, running away, hiding, even attacking, are perfectly natural responses to fear. And as we know he is legitimately terrified of everyone.

About this: when I met Sebastian it was another shock for me. I wasn't prepared. The whole sequence is heartbreaking, but what blew my brain was the response I got from Astariom when I asked him if Sebastian had hurt him.

God. In my mind the picture suddenly became untenable. No god answered his prayers, no hero deigned to save him and the only worthy salvation for him would still have been a stake in the heart because he was considered a monster. Cazador forced him into prostitution and when he was lucky enough he only had to live with the horrible knowledge that he had delivered another innocent victim into the hands of his master. Otherwise even his own targets would do violence to him, as most were not good people. And maybe in case of a failed delivery, Cazador would also punish him later. It is no surprise that he has learned to completely dissociate himself from everything, to become numb to the events and people around him.

For him everything and everyone was suffering.

And another thing that I really appreciated was the possibility that the game gives you to allow Astarion to rediscover himself and his relationship with others, to experiment with his own limits within a finally safe space (the camp, the companions, Tav/Durge).

In any case, for me it was a truly satisfying experience. I regret nothing, not even releasing 7,000 vampiric spawn into the underdark. Perhaps this is also why I was surprised when by browsing through various social media I come across so many cruel comments and harsh opinions regarding the character of Astarion. Everyone has their own sensibilities and tastes, obviously. But damn... how much repressed anger and aggression...

Anyway, I could go on for hours writing, but a treatise on the phenomenology of the Astarion was not my project! I just wanted to vent my fangirl soul a little and share my experience with you.

I'm currently starting my second run as Astarion. My plan is to conquer the beautiful Shadowheart without a certain someone getting in the way. Maybe, if my daughter and husband don't abandon me on the highway first, I might even consider a third adventure to sink into Gale's arms (and library)! I still feel sooooo guilty for dumping him, he seemed really hurt.

But for now... and they all lived happily ever after...

[that-basic-simp]

Found You

Karlach x Fem! Reader CW: N/A WC: 1.0k+ Summary: Hide and Seek with the companions.

"This is the most serious game of hide and go seek I will ever play," Karlach said as she was pushing around bushes and other leaf like nature. "It also doesn't help that I don't particularly have a knack for this sort of thing."

"Wonder why we made you the seeker," Shadowheart's voice came from nowhere.

"You would think Halsin would make for an easy target."

"At least Halsin can use his powers," Lae'zel said.

"Which is cheating! Sort of," Karlach said.

"Just focus on the game, Karlach," Wyll said.

"Easy for you to say," Karlach jutted her chin at him. "I found you within seconds."

"Actually, that was me," Gale raised his hand.

"Ah, yes. How could I forget ticking time bomb 2.0 over there? That glowing thing in your chest and your heaving can give you away for at least 20 miles."

"At least you don't have to eat the group's magical items," Gale tried to argue.

"No, but if mine goes off, I disintegrate."

"Neither of us are in a good position with these things in our chests."

"Shadowheart I see you."

"Do you really?"

"Yes. Your thing on the top of your head is poking out from the bush."

"You have to come and make sure it's me."

Karlach walked over to the bush and grabbed the item, only to find no Shadowheart.

"Clever," Karlach said and put it on her broken horn. "It's mine now."

"No! That's not how it works."

"Finders keepers."

"You're giving that back."

"Or what, Shart? You'll try to fight me like you tried to fight Lae'zel and Y/N had to step in?"

"I could have taken her down easily."

"Chk. Like it would be so easy to take me down."

"I may have more brute strength than you, Shart, but I wouldn't even dare try to fight Lae'zel."

"Whatever. You're giving that back to me once this is over. And stop calling me Shart! It sounds obscene."

"Just like you," Karlach said and pushed aside some branches, revealing Shadowheart.

"There. You found me," Shadowheart said and grabbed the thing from Karlach's horn.

"Ow. Ow! Hey, watch it before you just go yanking something off of me."

"Please. It's not like your horns are so easy to pull off," Shadowheart grabbed the other horn and yanked it, pulling Karlach's head towards her.

"Besides, how did the other horn become broken?"

"What do you expect? I was a soldier in a war."

"I was expecting you to say you ran face first into a tree because of a dare."

"Look," Karlach shoved Shadowheart away. "I may be a barbarian, but that doesn't mean I think like one all the time."

"Sure," Shadowheart said.

"Anyway, three down, four to go."

"I'd like for you to get it done by sun down. It's Y/N's turn for making dinner."

"Speaking of Y/N, I haven't heard anything from her, Astarion, or Halsin."

"They're better at playing hide and seek. I'm surprised Astarion agreed to do this," Shadowheart said.

"Maybe it was because we all kind of bullied him into it," Karlach snickered. "That man has to have some fun."

"His idea of fun is sucking the blood out of everything," Shadowheart sighed.

"I beg your pardon!" Astarion's head poked out from behind his tent.

"You were hiding there the entire time?!" Karlach laughed.

"Yes, I have. Seems like you need some glasses."

"I honestly wasn't looking that hard," she admitted.

"Seems like you're the one who needs to have more fun," Astarion walked out from behind his tent and he sat down on his bedroll.

"Now it's just Lae'zel, Halsin, and Y/N," Karlach muttered to herself.

"You're not finding Y/N," Astarion said.

"Why's that?"

"If you can't find me, in the most obvious places, you're not finding Y/N."

"Why? Is it that obvious?"

"Yes," everyone said, even Halsin.

"What makes you say that?"

"It's very obvious," Shadowheart looked in my direction.

Karlach followed her gaze, but it appeared she couldn't see me. Or she didn't recognize it was me. Unlike Halsin, who could have easily changed into an animal, I did. I was sitting right next to Scratch. And she still couldn't see me. Instead of searching the area for me, she went on to find Halsin and Lae'zel.

"You look like a frog in there," Karlach titled her head to the side, finding Lae'zel's head above water.

"And yet you didn't even bother looking over here when I spoke."

"Well, I found you. Which means I need to find Y/N and Halsin. More like Halsin."

She found Halsin within minutes after Lae'zel, as he was hiding behind some rocks with a family of ducks. The others were settling back into their tents while Karlach was still looking for me. Guess it was time to let the cat out of the bag. Literally. I walked out from behind Scratch and towards Karlach. I let out a loud meow before rubbing up in between her legs.

"Well aren't you a darling thing?" she smiled, picking me up. She cradled me in her arms and pet my head, a low purr coming from me.

"Maybe you've seen Y/N. Tell me where she went."

I hissed slightly before going to claw at her hand. She pulled it back and lightly batted me on the forehead.

"Hey! No!"

I hissed once more before I changed back. Karlach almost dropped me because of the sudden change. Her eyes widened and her head jerked backwards.

"Y-Y/N? You were the cat?"

"Yes! I made it very obvious I was the cat."

"You were next to Scratch."

"Yes."

"I thought you had gotten His Majesty to follow you back to the camp."

"He's hairless!"

Karlach gave me a nervous smile, "I-I'm really sorry, Y/N."

I jumped from her arms and walked towards my tent.

"Y/N, can we talk about this?" she rushed towards me, but I lowered the flap on my tent, only for her to fly through it.

"Y/N, please. I-I didn't mean for you to get upset."

I let out a sigh, shaking my head. A small smile formed as I turned to face her. How could I stay mad at her? Especially when her pout was the cutest of them all. I reached up and placed my hands on her cheeks, pulling her towards me. Our foreheads met one another's and I caressed the skin of her cheek with my thumb.

"I could never stay mad at you for long. Unless you really fucked up."

"Did I, darling?"

I giggled. I loved it when she used that pet name.

"No, Karlach. I just got too serious with this silly little game."

She snickered, pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

"Since you won hide and seek, you should get rewarded."

"Oh? And how will the great Karlach reward me?"

"You'll know soon enough," she said, pressing her lips against mine firmly.

[amywritesthings]

hey hey! hope u dont mind being asked 👉👈 would astarion and tav from better strategy enjoy valentine's day?

i have never done this before on my blog but it's been a minute since we've visited the better strategy so rather than headcanon -- i can write up a drabble for you?

Pairing: Cleric!Tav x Astarion (in The Better Strategy universe) Summary: Tav celebrates Valentine's Day. Astarion does not. And when Tav gives Astarion a gift, he's not convinced it's special. Or free. Tags: Set in Act 1, Valentine's shenanigans (idc if the holiday doesn't exist in this world because it does in mine!), fluff, Astarion's pov, explicit language Notes: 1K word count / dividers by @saradika-graphics

"Dearest, this is a dead flower."

Between his ivory index finger and thumb lay a beautiful red rose, shed of its thorns -- how Tav managed to find one in this deserted clearing full of spidery weeds and wilting mushrooms is a mystery the vampire may never solve.

Then again, that woman could find just about anything beautiful in a sea of rot and decay. The longer he's spent wandering the shores and hilly plains of the sunlit world, the more convinced Astarion becomes that she is not a cleric but a witch.

A witch that bewitches, truly, because if it were anyone else? Say... Shadowheart? Gale? This flower would have been tossed over his shoulder and left to the insects.

Not that Astarion is upset with receiving a flower from the Selune cleric -- the contrary, he would find this strangely endearing --

If he hadn't seen her give bloody Wyll and Karlach something just an hour or two ago when he'd appeared busy, nose in a book.

(He wasn't reading a fucking word.)

So much for that flutter of feeling special, like he's finally gotten somewhere with this woman in his not-so grand scheme.

"I don't need a participation weed," he adds in a sickeningly sweet voice as he holds the flower back to her. "If you plucked apart a bouquet to give to all of us so that we are more inclined to visit that Githyanki Creche you've yammered on about for the last few days, then I cannot--"

"It isn't!" Tav interrupts in a squeak, effectively quieting his dramatics. She holds her fists, one hand over the other, to her chest.

He can practically smell the eagerness rolling off of her in waves.

"It... well, it's a gift," she explains. "Not a bribe."

"A gift," he repeats.

"Yes. For Valentine's Day."

"Valentine's Day?" he repeats again, unconvinced.

The half-elf smiles small. "A small festivity my people celebrate. Typically met with gifts, particularly food. We're running out of rations, though, so I thought it ill of me to--"

"Gifts are meant to be special," Astarion interrupts with a clearing of his throat, narrowing his eyes.

"They are," Tav agrees softly, as if she sees nothing wrong with what she's done, and he scowls.

"So then how is it I am to find this flower special when I've watched you go about this camp offering gifts to everyone here?"

There.

He hopes she feels bad about it. Maybe he'll convince her that there are other things they can do if this holiday is so special -- something that requires merely stepping into his open tent, shutting the flap, and finally getting somewhere with this journey.

(He has yet to seal the deal, yet she provides him with gifts? Though they can't be that important -- everyone else received something from the young moon cleric, too.)

Yet Tav furrows her brow playfully, turning her chin over her shoulder. "You were watching me give gifts to others?"

As if he's been caught redhanded.

Wait.

"Well, yes -- I admit, there were other gifts." A-ha. Thwarted. "Admittedly they were quite disastrous. There's only so much I can find in the forest without something going awry. I found Karlach a ripe apple. Wyll, a quill I managed to dig off of a dead traveler."

Neither of those sound very lavish.

The vampire contorts his mouth in confusion.

"And what of Shadowheart? Gale? Lae'zel?"

"Gale... a frayed book from the goblin village," she continues. "Shadowheart, some bread, though she thought I poisoned it." The Selune versus Shar fight lives another day. "And... Lae'zel is tricky."

He knows Tav, at least enough to know that's polite-speak for Lae'zel wouldn't accept any gift that was not offered post-spar.

Which leaves... him.

With a rose.

A dead flower, yes, but it's beautiful and ripe.

"Why a flower?" Astarion asks, twirling it between his fingers. His voice is not as cutting as it was at the beginning of this conversation.

The vampire is simply curious.

He manages to glance up just in time to see how she squares her shoulders, chin lifted -- like she's embarrassed her explanation will leave him laughing in her face.

Yes, very curious.

"The color reminded me of you," Tav finally relinqushes, and Astarion cannot help but purse his lips.

"Red. Because of... blood." He tsks under his breath. "Darling, we must broad your horizons if your mere word associations arrive at colors--"

"And they're beautiful!" she adds in a rush.

The two stop for a moment to stare at one another -- Astarion, sat idly on his little cushioned chair, and Tav, holding her hands so tight to her chest she may lose circulation in her fingers.

"Roses can be quite dangerous if you don't handle them correctly. Delicately. Nicely. They're sought after by anyone who admires beauty, but no matter how many roses you see, they're always so... immaculate and breath-taking and beautiful. And so when I managed to find one that was live and well, I plucked it with my own knife and thought who better to give one to on this celebrated day than you."

Astarion can feel his throat tighten.

"And besides, roses are very sacred to the holiday, so I thought you should have it."

Sacred.

Breathtaking.

His crimson eyes study Tav's mortified face for a moment more, before tipping the petals towards his nose. The faint scent of the flower tickles his senses, and the vampire can't help but feel...

Gods, what is that feeling?

Appreciation?

No, something else. Something he doesn't quite have the word for yet.

"It is," he agrees slowly. "Beautiful."

Does Tav find him beautiful?

The cleric clears her throat and takes a step back. "If you wish to throw it away, then I will not protest. It is your gift, therefore you do as you wish with it."

When she turns on a heel to panic-run back to the fire, the vampire stands to his feet and disappears into his tent. With his back turned, he takes one more lingering inhale of the flower.

His gift.

Something he owns.

Something that is entirely his.

Beautiful.

(He'll find another way to thank her, some day.)

[animentality]

It's tough because I hate the Astarion haters on Reddit, who are just misogynistic and homophobic and dismissive of the character because they hate how gay he acts and also how many women love him.

but I also hate BookTok Astarion fangirls who feel the need to assert how superior Astarion is on every fucking Gale, Wyll, Halsin, Shadowheart, Minthara, Lae'zel, Karlach or pretty much any BG3 video at all. Like we get it. He's white.

And then I'm ambivalent on the Tumblr Astarion fans because there are the people who simply like him and make fun art and fun meta analysis about him, and then there are the people in my inbox currently telling me that Astarion's Ascended ending is morally correct and it's not a bad ending for the character, and if I disagree, then I hate women.

You're correct that I hate women, but it has nothing to do with Astarion.

Also, I once again point out, that your own husbando literally tells you outright in both endings that being Ascended ruins/ruined who he used to be and also your love for one another.

Your man literally says that your love would have been corrupted by becoming his spawn, and you still cling to the idea that your character is living happily ever after.

He's not making you a vampire queen, he's making you a vampire pet. And it's fine to like that ending. I don't care if you LIKE bad, unhappy endings. That is your prerogative. But you are simply incorrect if you say that it's the "happy" ending for the character, when it clearly is not.

No one ever said you had to use your skull for anything other than cold cut storage, I just don't see why it's even necessary to argue your point to me.

Stay in your Astarion echo chamber, and block me. I don't have time or energy to block all of you.

Anyway.

It sucks because I really like Astarion, he's my favorite love interest.

I really enjoy his storyline and his growth as a person and how sweet he is. He's also very funny. All the companions have great voice acting behind them, but Neil really knocked it out of the park, and I honestly think the character would be far less popular if they'd picked any other actor.

But the fandom around him is just...awful.

It's a mixed bag of normal, unnormal in a fun way, and unnormal in a "you need to fucking step off in this Walmart bitch" way.

It's why I'd rather interact with Dark Urge and Gortash fans.

Much smaller subset of the fandom, so I don't have to deal with the generic crazies, and we're all such freaks that we don't feel the need to go around acting like Gortash is a good person.

I also only ever see people saying these two are fucking disgusting and horrible and I'd murder them in real life and honestly, true and based.

No happy endings for those two, and that's fine for me. In fact, it's great.

See, Astarion girlies, this is called...knowing your ship doesn't deserve a happy ending after all they have done, and knowing it wouldn't be a happy ending if they got together, but being able to acknowledge that and not get bent out of shape trying to justify it.

Stop tying your irl morality to your tastes in fiction.

I never said that liking the ascended ending made you a bad person in real life.

I just said that pretending it's good and happy and great and not continuing the cycle of abuse, is factually incorrect.

And it is.

Every single bad ending for all the love interests is literally continuing the cycle of abuse. Why would Astarion's be any different?

But maybe I'm being bold in assuming you even know the other love interests exist or have stories. Maybe you don't even know the general story of baldur's gate 3, because it is, as you say, the vampire dating sim, and it's definitely not about anything other than banging the sexy vampire.

Media literacy weeps.

Anyway.

Not ruining my enjoyment of the game.

Just my general tolerance for the fandom that is not Durge and Gortash obsessed.