#lady habs

[totheecore]

i smell fried chicken in my immediate vicinity i'm about to Pounce

[sebfreak]

Linksradikal und staatsfeindlich: Ist die FDP die neue RAF? | ZDF Magazi...

[vroomvroommuppett]

Hai hello👋

You said that the request still open, so....

Can you do Max x Carlos x Reader if not Max x Charles x Reader is fine to🥺🙏

But reader is like one of the other driver younger sibling or daughter??

And people think that reader is just some kind of nepo baby but actually Reader is rich businessman/businesswoman

Thank you 🫶♥️💜

dynasty

max verstappen x charles leclerc x schumacher!daughter

taglist

kofi

still taking requests!

likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!

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yourusername posted a story

ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎

ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎

ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎

schumacheratlantic

liked by yourusername, mickschumacher, and others

schumacheratlantic Schumacher Atlantic is happy to announce our new CEO, Yn Schumacher. She has been training her whole life for this position and we cannot be happier for her to take over the company.

tagged: yourusername

user1 where are those twitter users that were saying she is a gold digger daughter/sister?

user 2 she gagged them

yourusername 🤍

mickschumacher So so proud of you.

user3 well we all owe her an apology

user4 not all of us

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yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, and others

yourusername i run this town. i make the rules and i always win. sometimes gracefully.

schumacheratlantic Our CEO 🤍

user5 she shut the haters down

user6 max? charles? what are you doing here?

user7 i know max and yn grew up together but i don't know about charles

maxverstappen1 Favorite Schumacher.

charles_leclerc You ate with this.

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ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎

ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and others

charles_leclerc It's her world, and we're just her HABS.

tagged: maxverstappen1, yourusername

yourusername 🤍🤍🤍

maxverstappen1 Love you.

mickschumacher About time you announced it. I was afraid Lando would spill.

landonorris HEY! I'm not that bad. Oscar knows. Right babe? oscarpiastri Weeeeeeell... landonorris Betrayed by my own boyfriend.

user7 well we know if sainz camp and/or ferrari fuck charles up, they will have the best lawyers

yourusername damn right he will redbullracing Does that include us? yourusername no bby. only ferrari (and williams) redbullracing And this is why you're admin's favorite scuderiaferrari Noted. We will tell Fred.

logansargeant Mom?

yourusername son? logansargeant Does this make Charles and Max my dads? yourusername yes.

pierregasly Seriously about time.

yourusername well excuse us for waiting till the ceo announcement pierregasly Continue as you were

fransica.cgomez wife

yourusername my love charles_leclerc But we're right here. pierregasly I've stopped trying. It's no use.

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ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎ꨄ︎

tag list @reguluscrystals @sya-skies @barcelonaloverf1life @formulaal @lieswithoutfairytales @poppyflower-22 @daemyratwst @stupid---person @boiohboii @nichmeddar @magical-spit @lady-laura-speaks @raizelchrysanderoctavius @exotic-iris13 @d3kstar @2pagenumb @illicitverstappen @d3kstar @dark-night-sky-99

[habken]

Habs habs have you read Love Bullet??? It's queer ladies with guns and the character/weapon designs are sooo fun !! It's sad and silly !!!

I have!! It really lures you in like "teehee shenanigans" and then immediately hits you with the most devastating plot lmaooooo doomed yuri right off the bat

[sportsthoughts]

things observed at my first ever hockey game (in england)

beyond bizarre hearing God save the king and not the usual american/canadian anthems. genuinely unsettling

i loved the home team immediately. do i know a single player? no but they are my guys now

nearly all of our team were american/canadian/russian. hearing the accents was delightful

there was a flyers jersey three seats down from me!!

the man behind me shouted at the ref so loudly during a very quiet moment and called him a STUPID TIT in the most wonderfully well spoken english accent and the entire block laughed and it was a hoot (the ref was a stupid tit)

there was also a LADY REF who was not a tit and was fantastic woohoo for women in sports

my husband befriended a very sweet american guy who was a red wings fan (!!)

also spotted four habs jerseys. if i were a superstitious person i would see this as an omen for tonight so. yeah

[hockeyshmockey]

Daniel Ricciardo x country singer!yn

In which Danny Ric meets the love of his life in Austin and they soft launch a year later

yes I know this is unhinged but I thought it was a fun idea so sue me

Liked by scottyjames, kelseaballerini, and 48,304 others

ynln pics the boyf got this week

view 12,329 comments

ynfan BOYFRIEND?

chloestroll so relatable

user this is so unhinged I love it

likedby ynln, landonorris, and 123,749 others

danielricciardo the air in Tennessee is always so clear

view 34,820 comments

landonorris miss you mate!

dannyricfan he’s been spending a lot of time in the states this year…

ynln why is your hat shaped that way???

likedby landonorris, danielricciardo, and 57,293 others

ynln Monaco nights are a little bit different than nights on broadway….

view 12,183 comments

ynsbiggestfan MONACO? Girl tf?

kelseabellerini living your best life queen!

ynfriend this is so funny to me

liked by maxverstappen, lancestroll and 113,402 others

Landonorris the boys are back in town!

- tagged location: Monaco

View 23,024 comments

F1gos something is going on here

honeybadgerarmy no bc Daniel absolutely has a new lady

posted to danielricciardo’s instagram story

Twitter

@dannyricarmy

no bc Daniel is absolutely dating yn ln

|

@honeybadgertime

did you see his insta story?? like cmon Daniel

|

@ynfans

He rlly said soft launch is over!!

likedby ynln, f1wags and 135,930 others

danielricciardo why can she not get my good angles?

view 18,204 comments

ynln literally all you have are good angles

scottyjames @ ynln do not make his head any bigger than it already is

ynfan yn…..

liked by f1wags, maxverstappen, and 167,380 others

Danielricciardo what do they call a HAB for a musician?

view 18,284 comments

hichasestokes a fan boy

ynln my bitch

f1wags and we’re confirmed!!!!

liked by F1gossip, chloestroll and 87,284 others

ynln they always sing ‘cowboy take me away’ and never ‘honey badgers always slay’

view 18,379 comments

danielricciardo this is the sweetest thing you’ve ever said

ynsister new song lyrics?

ynfan this was not on my 2023 bingo card

[simoneslibrarys]

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘽𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙧’𝙨 𝘿𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧

𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘷－𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵

𝙘𝙬:𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜!𝙗𝙞-𝙝𝙖𝙣, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 13-15, 𝙛𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙝𝙙𝙟𝙨𝙪𝙙𝙟𝙨𝙠𝙙𝙠𝙙𝙟, 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚, 𝙨𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩, 𝙖𝙛𝙖𝙗!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧, 𝙛𝙚𝙢!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧, 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙚 𝙋𝙊𝘾 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙋𝙊𝘾

𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙊𝙁𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿

𝙖/𝙣: 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙖 𝙨𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚!! 𝙚𝙣𝙟𝙤𝙮!

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝ ╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

♡ in the dead of night while your father was asleep, you hopped out of your bedroom window and left for the Lin Kuei Temple. you crossed roads and path, getting lost along the way until you saw the mighty temple in front of your eyes.

♡ from the shadows emerged bi-han, a slight smirk on his face. “my lady.” he said extending his hand towards you. you smiled, blinding bi-han slightly. you took his hand and held it softly.

♡ “I can’t believe that the grandmaster’s eldest son offered to take a stroll though his garden with a simple girl like me!” you chuckled. you did it again. you made him do that thing again. he scoffed with a grin. “simple? you are far from simple my dear.”

♡ he stopped as he took your hand, bringing it up to his face and kissed it. you could feel yourself blush and smile with giddy. his chest rumble as he laughed at your abashed face.

♡ for a while, you strolled along bi-han’s side. talking and exchanging smiles. “bi-han? kuai liang? is that you?” a familiar voice called to bi-han

♡ a woman with long raven black hair appeared her face filled with worry. you immediately recognized her, it was bi-han’s mother. the grandmaster’s wife. “m-mother?” bi-Han stuttered. “my lady..” you said, bowing for her. she bowed back as she faced her son and cupped his face.

♡ “is this the little baker girlfriend kuai liang and tomas were telling me about?” she asked with a smile. bi-Han felt his muscles tense. “s-she’s just a friend, okay?” he pouted. he was for sure ready to murder tomas and kuai liang.

♡ his mother smiled as she looked over to you. “well it’s lovely to meet you young lady. my sons’ have told me about your amazing baking you and your father make. I’d loved to have you around-” still in his mother’s grasp, she grips her son’s face with scorn and a smile. “at a more appropriate time. for now, I’ll let you finish the path and my son shall take you home.”

♡ you uttered a small “yes ma’am” as bi-Han struggled in her grasp. “Y-yes ma’am!” he groaned. bi-hab’s mother let go of him and let him go. bi-han was blushing red and he grabbed your hand once more and ushered you away from his mother. she chuckled to herself watching her son take his future wife with him.

♡ you and bi-han finished the path. unexpectedly, bi-han crouched to the ground. “get on.” he said. “a-are you sure young master I-” you were appalled by bi-Han’s actions. someone with such status doing something for a lowly girl like you was shocking.

♡ with slight hesitation, you climbed on. soon your legs left the ground.you wailed as bi-han laughed heartily. “okay my dear, lead the way!” he boasted. as bi-han carried you into town, people were shocked to see the grandmaster’s son carrying such a girl.

♡ you arrived home, safe and sound. bi-han took her hand again, kissing the top and then the bottom. “it was a joy having you with me my dear.” bi-han was very obviously in an awkward position, afraid of what his next move was.

♡ you giggled at bi-Han’s seer adoration for you. you cupped his cheek and kissed his lip, catching him off guard. “I thank you bi-han. for a wonderful night.”

♡ you walked away and back into your room as bi-han stood in shock. he touched his lips and smile. he felt so giddy and soft. something his father didn’t allow him to do.

𝗴𝗼𝗱, 𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂

𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲

[thebrightestwitchofherage]

Responding to yet more unhinged Anti zionists arguments

Because I am not going to waste my precious time and energy on replying to each ignorant person who believes Hamas are a "brave resistance group"

For the millionth time: I do not support the genocide of Palestinians when I say Israelis shouldn't die. I am not deflecting or denying anything, I am making posts about how I and other Israelis have been impacted by October 7th and the war ever since. I am allowed to mourn my people.

Released female Israeli hostages aren't "weaponizing Feminism". Just because some were "only" sexually assaulted and threatened with rape, doesn't mean others aren't raped. Israeli women were targeted on October 7th. Their assault, mutilation, and violent rape were all planned. Hamas terrorists who were caught and interrogated have said so themselves in published recorded interrogations. *** Regarding Mia Shem- I've said before: mocking her appearance isn't making you the great humane person you think you are. I've had some nutjob tell me "Oh well in an interview she said she was only groped and others were raped. She's using feminism and things people care about in order to gain sympathy." She was: -Kidnapped from a party and shot. -Operated on by a veterinarian while in captivity for over 50 days. -Starved ,beaten, mocked , groped and sexually assulted while constantly threatened with being raped. And you're mocking her. Wow that is a new low. Believe Jewish women.

You are constantly backing up your "facts" and statistics with un-credible sources. Let me make this clear one final time: Al Jazeera = racist and antisemitic supports terrorism There isn't a Gaza Ministry of Health- it's Hamas.

Palestinians and Hamas specifically are very racist towards Afro-Palestinian / black people. A quick Google search will lead you to this:

Anti-Black racism in Palestine

The State of Palestine has a community of Afro-Palestinians, many of whom are descendants of the victims of the historical Slavery in Palestine, which ended in the 20th-century.[43]

Racism against African Americans in Palestinian media (Wikipedia)

Former U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, has been the subject of some viciously racial personal attacks, alongside vociferous criticism of her policies.[44] These included an anti-black racist cartoon in Palestinian Authority's controlled Press Al Quds. The New York Times reported in 2006:

Her comment that the Israel-Lebanon war represented the "birth pangs of a new Middle East"— coming at a time when television stations were showing images of dead Lebanese children — sparked ridicule and even racist cartoons. A Palestinian newspaper, Al Quds," which "depicted Ms. Rice as pregnant with an armed monkey, and a caption that read, "Rice speaks about the birth of a new Middle East.[45]

The Palestinian media has used racist terms including "black spinster" and "colored dark skin lady."[46][47]

.... The African Palestinians who now live in the two compounds near al-Aqsa mosque have called the area home since 1930.[12] They have experienced prejudice, with some Palestinian Arabs[21] referring to them as "slaves" (abeed) and to their neighbourhood as the "slaves' prison" (habs al-abeed), and their colour has led to objections against them marrying Palestinians with lighter skin.[9][3] According to Mousa Qous, director of the African Community Society and a former member of the PFLP, "Sometimes when a black Palestinian wants to marry a white Palestinian woman, some members of her family might object." Interracial marriage with Afro-Palestinians has become more common in recent years.[8] In colloquial Palestinian Arabic, standard usage prefers the word sumr (dark colour) over sawd, which has an uncouth connotation.[22]

-For further reading I found this research paper to be very detailed: https://d-nb.info/1204258597/34

*** I have to mention this as well since some anti-Zionist brought up MLK as an example for their argument against Israel: you clearly have no idea what you're talking about... he was a Zionist!

Jews and African Americans have historically been allies in their struggles for equality. He literally wrote an open letter titled "Letter to an Anti-Zionist friend", explaining why he supports Zionism. Do your research.

5. Gaza hasn't been under Israel's control since 2006, it is controlled by Hamas! Before that, it was governed by Fatah, Another terrorist organization (Hamas killed all of the Fatah members when they came to power). Hamas = terror organization leaching off the Palestinian people. They want to kill all Jews and are against everything that represents the West. UWNRA - Is filled with Hamas terrorists. UN & ICRC - Both have a long history of being biased against Jews and have failed the Jewish people once again.

6. Israelis don't deserve to die just because they are Israeli. They are not privileged to have a government that (relative to Hamas) cares about their civilians.

7. "From the river to the sea" Is a genocidal chant calling for the death of all Jews / Israelis. The final solution / one solution = killing all Jews, holocaust. Intifadas aren't peaceful or inspiring resistance. It's Terror attacks targeting civilians: Shootings, stabbings, lynchings, school buses exploding, etc.

I have an entire post explaining this, you're welcome to read it but the main takeaway should be: You don't get to decide what's anti-Semitic, Jews do. If Jews tell you this chant threatens them and is antisemitic- it is.

[valvedimension]

Hiiiiiiii

About that "The Matrix giving Optimus baby fever"

What if The Matrix (after the war) realizes how little cybertronians are left and sends a wave(?) giving EVERYONE baby fever

The Matrix causing a baby boom, that's the ask

OOOO YES YES very interesting…

I’ll go for a few continuities on this… add a little variety to the mix.

Prime: Honestly both Ratchet AND Optimus should be carriers. Optimus would look absolutely divine and angelic knocked up and Ratchet - well we can all agree that he’s a milf, right? Maybe the Matrix takes a little piece of his and Ratchet’s sparks and fuses them together to create a sparkling that Optimus carries, but they do the old-fashioned route for Ratchet. Ultra Magnus and Wheeljack would probably be another pair. Magnus is all “do not look at me like that absolutely fucking not” and Wheeljack is like “whatever you say lmao”. Magnus caves in (consensually!!) and Wheeljack resists every urge to say “I told you so”. AND LISTEN, LISTEN TO ME HERE OK. The team is wondering why Arcee isn’t that affected by it. She’s cranky and frustrated and pent-up but shows no interest in taking anyone from the team as a mate. Turns out that she found another lady-bot to partner with and team prime feels a little silly for not knowing she’s a lesbian. She’s the sire, btw, I can’t imagine her carrying at all.

Now for Earthspark. Optimus, Elita, and Megatron get hit first, since they’re around Optimus and the Matrix the most. Megatron - the big, strong bot that he is - is in his room fingering his valve over and over, left a desperate mess. It’s taking all of Elita and Optimus’s strength not to jump Megatron and start rutting into him. But they can’t stay separate forever, they need to get fuel, to use the washracks, etc. Megatron is taking a shower in the washracks and whoops!- Elita’s there too. She can’t hold herself back - he smells so sweet, and fuck, he has the perfect body for carrying - so she pushes his back against the washracks walls, teases him open, and fucks him HARD. Optimus joins in, too, admitting that he’s wanted this since pretty much forever :3 Megatron’s carrying in no time and the Terrans are overjoyed to find out that they’ll be getting a new earth-born Cybertronian to be friends with! Op, meg and elita are just like “oh yeah megs just got pregnant out of nowhere! So weird right!!” And the Terrans agree, and would you look at that - Bee is looking a lot like Megatron, are they going (I think I need to make this an actual fic…)

IDW: hmm… you know what? Fuck it I’m going with Rodimus. And I’m doing dratchrod because I loooove it. Rodimus, Drift, and Ratchet are getting into a relationship, fixing problems and communicating issues. But uh oh! - turns out the Matrix made some modifications to Rodimus’s reproductive protocols, and it’s DEMANDING a sparkling. It knows that Cybertron is no longer plunged in the depths of war and that new life is possible, so it says that Rodimus needs to make up for lost time! He’s so needy that it’s almost humiliating, he’s never been this horny before, and what would his partners think? They’ve never interfaced together - Rodimus hasn’t even had his seals broken yet! - and he wouldn’t dare demand sexual acts from them. So he stubbornly set on the plan to deal with it himself. Ratchet and Drift notice that he’s withdrawn and doesn’t get physically close to them, so they go to visit his hab to have a talk and give him comfort if he needs it - only to walk in on him sinking down on a false spike. A very awkward moment is shared as they just stare at Rodimus, who’s all “ohh hey guys!! uhhh mind knocking next time?” but Rodimus is trembling now, because the two sweetest, kindest, and sexiest bots are right in front of him. They ask Roddy if he’s ok, but are hit with a strong EM field pulse - looks like the Matrix gets to mess with other bots, too - and they’re very charged up all of a sudden. Wouldn’t he be such a good carrier? They certainly think so. Ratchet eases the false spike out of Roddy’s valve and he whines at the loss of fullness, but Drift is shushing him because it’ll be alright, he’ll be ok soon. Ratchet goes first, sinking in and filling Roddy with 3 loads before he lets Drift have a turn. Drift praises him and Ratchet stays at Rodimus’s side, talking softly to him. “Feels good, right? Having your forge all full?” “You’ll be sparked in no time.” when Drift is finished, Rodimus’s forge kicks online, sensing that the breeding is over, creating a pleasant warmth in his belly. “You feel that, Roddy?” Ratchet says. “That’s your forge kicking online, like the good bot you are.” Drift joins in and rubs Roddy’s swollen midsection, “You did all that work, you did so well, we can’t wait to see you knocked up.”

I like to think that Rodimus is pretty clingy during his carriage - he wants to snuggle, cuddle, and kiss his partners all the time. He also had super strong cravings and a soft layer of protoform settles on his body. He’s pretty happy, too - who knew that Rodimus Prime, the hothead that he is, would actually be happy as a carrier? He feels insecure about his body sometimes, but Drift and Ratty make sure to remind him that he’s beautiful AND to be easy on himself because he’s sparked!

Ratchet sees an influx of more sparked bots in gis clinic, because the Matrix couldn’t just affect him and his partners, it had to go for everyone on the Lost Light!

Agh sorry if this wasn’t what you wanted!! But I really did enjoy that prompt :3

[swifty-fox]

oh my goshhh i love this new list

could i request ❛ let’s do something about that mouth of yours. ❜ with buck and bucky (little beasts!!) orrrrr ur hockey au if ur down

❛ let’s do something about that mouth of yours. ❜

HOCKEY AU

"Fucking cock-sucking, dick-riding absolute joke piece of shit garbage fuckin-"

"Woah there sailor." John drawls, swinging out of the bathroom. Steam billows out after him, haloing his athletes body like the angel he most certainly was not.

Mikeeysmind's 'VVV' trails out after him, a particular assault on Gale's ears that has him pressing his fingers to his temples

"Sorry, did I interrupt your preening?" Gale bites and then groans at himself, falling back onto the cushioned hotel bed.

He was trying this new thing where he didn't pick a fight with John at every turn. Results were so-so because Bucky Egan was infuriating even when not in the crease.

"Hadn't even started yet, actually."

Hooligang bursts into its opening chords before John makes his way over to his phone and taps pause, other hand fisted to keep his towel secured across his muscled waist.

"What's up Buck"

Gale knows John's amused by the rhyme. Knows it's a Looney Tunes thing, knows John was childish as they come despite his man's body

"My stream isn't working." Gale says miserably.

John stares at him for several long moments, face going through an array of emotions before settling on incredulity.

"Ice cold bitch Gale Cleven, who would instate a swear jar if he could get away with it, who helps old ladies across the street. Who goes faint at the mention of the word anal-"

"Okay-" Gale says, his cheeks coloring.

"Who can make a short-handed goal on one skate with no help and walk it off like it's nothing, is getting mad because he can't watch the Habs game."

"They fuckin' runsed us last time. Skated fucking circles around me John."

"Imagine, King Cleven not dominating the ice for one game." John drawls, coming around to the side of the bed Gale was draped over.

Gale looks up at him, water dripping of John's curls and splattering on Gale's forehead. The angle makes him blush, his heartrate kick up and his body stirs interest.

"We're playing them tomorrow."

"We're playing the Ducks tonight."

"Oh the Ducks," Gale snorts.

John grins down at him. There's a bulge in the front of his towel, clearly also having taken notice of the angle.

'Why dont you," John murmurs, reaching down to tangle in the long waves of Gale's hair, "Learn how to relax a bit."

"Fuck off." Gale snaps, but his fingers reach to untuck the end of John's towel, letting it fall to the floor.

John grips himself, pressing against the curve of Gale's cheek. He drags his head across the wet seam of Gale's lips letting the salty taste of his pre trickle down to Gale's tongue.

"yeah," John sighs, head falling back. A Grecian god in the afternoon light, "lets do something about that mouth of yours saint Cleven."

Gale lifts his head and swallows John down

thank you @1343-40 for the linguistics help LOL

[cars-on-the-moon]

I have a request, if u don’t mind 😊 sry in advance if i’m a bit vague

sebchal Instagram au where Charles is in track to winning (and does win bc this season is painful and I need comfort) the wdc and Seb is being a supportive hab about it online.

thank you!!! I loved ur previous sebchal ig au. that was the cutest thing ever! <3

I finally did it! My first request! Thanks for requesting and I hope u'll enjoy it! :)

f1

liked by scuderiaferrari and 512,087 others.

f1 Look who’s back in the paddock. 4-time World Champion Sebastian Vettel. Welcome back!

scuderiaferrari Welcome Seb❤️

userqo68 What? We have an appearance after two years? What?

anniepol1 Look at him! Please come back Seb!

riotttjs Do we know who invited him?

feredferarra As if Sebastian Vettel needs to be invited by anyone.

f1newz

liked by 201,291 others.

f1newz Former teammates and friends Charles Leclerc and Sebastian Vettel, enjoyed a day in the paddock, playing football. Sebastian seems to have enjoyed his time in the Ferrari garage, where he watched the race from.

user097 Awe, Sebchal.

liked by charlesleclerc

user196 Not Charles lurking in the comments.

robbie2000 Not Charles still being a full-on fan.

drewuser Not Charles winning the race for Seb.

pierregasly Not Charles being at his giddiest.

liked by charlesleclerc

user187 Guys🤨

skysportsf1

skysportsf1 Sebastian Vettel replied honestly when he was asked about the championship winner. He gave us his predictions and surprisingly, the one he supports. After his first appearance in Emilia-Romagna, he has followed the races closely. Read on the link in our bio.

user199 Please someone be a hero…

madeline44 “According to Sebastian the outcome of the 2025 Championship is clear. He revealed that he thinks that Charles Leclerc will win over Max Verstappen. When he was asked if he was rooting for Lewis Hamilton, he nodded but spoke again. He said that he will always support Lewis but this time, his support lays with Charles, his former teammate.”

user297 not all heroes wear capes. Thanks!

fede3 I think they are dating.

sususer2 WHAT?

fede3 What? He has been in almost all races in Europe and now he’s going to be in Abu Dhabi for Charles? Come on!

f1gossip_

f1gossip_ Spotted yesterday in Monaco, just days before Charles Leclerc is to travel for his last race of the season. Sebastian Vettel leaving the same restaurant as his former teammate.

usershaun Um, do you see the freaking rings?????

user196 nah, that’s impossible

martinazcs You are telling me that those two are married? And to each other? Smh. Delulu

danielricciardo Awe, look at Sebby.

userlouis Give us answers Ricciardo!

f1

liked by sebastianvettel, lewishamilton and 682,826 others.

f1 Your 2025 World Champion, ladies and gentlemen. Charles Marc Hervé Perceval Leclerc. Congratulations Charles!

user017 Finally!

pierregasly Congratulations, mate! You deserve everything.

lewishamilton Welcome to the club!

sebastianvettel Cannot wait to see ‘Via Charles Leclerc’ on the streets of the factory campus.

charlesleclerc *Vettel

user196 what does this mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN CHARLES?

charlecleclerc

liked by max1verstappen, carlossainz55 and 912,072 others.

charlesleclerc I have been dreaming about this moment since I was a little boy. Thankfully, I had my dad and my godfather by my side to help me and guide me then. After, I had to push on my own. I quickly realised that I had to try harder. I did with the help of my team and my family. Now, I achieved my goal of becoming a World Champion with Scuderia Ferrari. Thank you team. Thank you family. Thank you my friends. And last but not least, I want to thank my husband for being there every step of the way. Even when he had to fight for his own dreams, he fought for mine too.

Forza Ferrari.

sebastianvettel Forza Charlie!

carlossainz55 Good job, WC!

scuderiaferrari No, thank YOU Charles!

user725 Like, congrats Charles and all but…HUSBAND?

gio7721 HUSBAND?

astonmartinf1 husband?

lance_stroll husband?

userjalexand1 You know things are serious when Lance Stroll is commenting.

sebastianvettel

liked by pierregasly, lewishamilton, valtteribottas and 775,107 others.

sebastianvettel Congratulations Charlie! You are one of the greatest talents I have ever come across. Also, your talents in eating and photography are unparalleled too. I’ll try to lure you into retirement after your fourth, though. For now, keep doing what you’re doing. Je t’aime.

charlesleclerc Maybe I’ll go for five just to one up you. Or maybe I’ll lure you into un-retirement. Ich Liebe dich.

landonorris Yes Seb! You can come back now that Charles won and kick his butt.

charlesleclerc He’ll kick your butt too, mate.

user176 Speechless & dead.

fayenother8 That, I didn’t see coming.

danielricciardo YUP YUP YUP

mercedesamgf1 Back from retirement we hear?

lewishamilton Leave it to me man

charlesleclerc

liked by f1, mercedesamgf1 and 534,742 others.

charlesleclerc Honestly, not a bad year.

pierregasly Understatement of the century.

landonorris nerd.

kimimatiasraikkonen Via Charles Leclerc-Vettel.

scuderiaferrari Everyone liked that.

charlesleclerc 🤫

[nomoreessays]

Es ist Sonntagnachmittag. Da keiner in der WG Lust hat, seine respektiven haushaltlichen Pflichten zu erledigen, beschließen wir, stattdessen Mitbewohnerin 1 die Haare zu färben. Mitbewohnerin 2 macht Urlaub und wenn wir schon nicht mitkönnen, wollen wir zumindest auch was erleben. Außerdem sind Gemeinschafts-Aktionen bekanntermaßen förderlich für die Truppenmoral, und so sind wir zwanzig Minuten später unterwegs zur Drogerie.

Wir kommen an einem Laden für Fanartikel vorbei und der Mitbewohner lacht laut auf und deutet auf das Schaufenster. „Yo [nomoreessays]“, ruft er, „this looks like you in the mornings“. Ich bin mir gar nicht sicher, ob ich wissen will, auf was er da zeigt, gehe aber schicksalsergeben trotzdem hin. Im Schaufenster steht eine - um es höflich auszudrücken - etwas zerstört aussehende Statue von Dobby dem Hauselfen, komplett mit Kissenbezug und Socke in der Hand. Der Hersteller hat seine Augen unvorteilhaft intensiv dargestellt und er macht ein Gesicht, als wäre sein Gegenüber in Hundescheiße getreten. Bevor ich irgendwas dazu sagen kann, ruft Mitbewohnerin 1 „oh my god, that does look like you! The eyes bro, that‘s the exact face you make!“. Der Mitbewohner nickt, „yeah, in the mornings in the kitchen, when you’re making your tea and I come in, that’s the exact look you give me!“. Es wird rundherum schallend gelacht, und ich spiele mit dem Gedanken beleidigt zu sein. Wenn man meiner WG Glauben schenkt, sehe ich aus wie a) some Russian mafia chick, b) some vampire oder c) Dobby der Hauself auf Shrooms. Am I not my grandma’s „Hübsche“ to these people?

Zurück in der WG machen wir uns ans Färben. Mitbewohnerin 1 hat sich für ein subtiles Platzwunden-Blutrot entschieden und mich zur Mittäterin berufen. Verständlich, wenn ich an den Gräueltaten beteiligt bin, kann sie bei schlechtem Ausgang auf jemand anderen als sich selbst sauer sein. Sie beginnt Haarsträhnen zu betupfen, als wolle sie ein Fabergé-Ei abstauben, und ich bereite mich innerlich auf eine lange Nacht vor. Irgendwann sage ich „should I just help you? I could start in the back, that will be tricky for you anyway“ und sie nimmt dankend an. „Do we have any more gloves though?“, fragt sie und prüft die Schachtel, „this stuff stains like crazy bro“. Da wir uns eine Gehirnzelle teilen und diese schon vor einer Weile um ihr Leben gerannt ist, tragen wir am Ende jeweils einen der mitgelieferten Plastikhandschuhe, nutzen diesen zum Abtrennen der Haarsträhnen und verreiben die Farbe mit der anderen Hand, sodass unsere Hände bald aussehen, als wären sie gehäutet worden. Mitbewohnerin 1 ist unverändert stolz auf uns: „We are so smaaart bro! Look at us overcoming challenges!“

Während wir warten treibt uns der Hunger in die Küche. Ich hab hier schonmal erwähnt, dass sie sehr beengt ist, besonders wenn mehrere Leute drin stehen und kochen. Die Fenster in der Tür sind so beschlagen, dass ich die beiden nur schemenhaft erkennen kann. Unter der Tür kommt derweil Dampf durch, wie in einer Sauna mit Brathähnchenaufguss. „You don’t wanna come in?“, brüllt mir der Mitbewohner über den Lärm von Dunstabzugshaube und seiner Playlist zu und ich sage, ich würde warten, bis die beiden fertig sein: „I’ll just interact from here!“. Er nickt und wischt eins der Fenster sauber, damit ich ihm dabei zuschauen kann, wie er die Single Ladies Choreografie aufführt, in einer Hand die Spaghettizange.

Letztendlich mache ich meinen Frieden damit, dass mein Lungengewebe in Eau de Imbissbude getränkt wird, setze mich an den Tresen und erzähle gerade von meinen Versuchen, eine der Mäuse in der Bib zu zähmen, als Mitbewohnerin 1s Timer geht. Sie betrachtet ihre mit Farbe beschmierten Arme und Schultern und erklärt, sie werde komplett duschen anstatt nur die Haare zu waschen. „Need any help?“, frage ich und sie grinst. „Nah, that would be moving to fast“. Ich beschwöre meine beste Fuck-Boy-Imitation herauf, gebe ihr den Joey-Tribbiani-Blick und sage „making me work for it? Alright. I like a challenge“. Sie macht ein Geräusch wie ein abgewürgter Motor und zeigt auf mich wie auf ein ungehorsames Kleinkind. „No“, bellt sie und stürmt ins Bad, „you stop that“. Ihr zurückgelassenes Essen fällt mir zum Opfer, Gesetz des Dschungels und so.

Der Mitbewohner erzählt inzwischen von den zwischenmenschlichen Dramen auf der Arbeit, die Leiden des jungen Azubis quasi, wobei er geflissentlich unerwähnt lässt, dass er selbst der Schlimmste von allen ist. Als ich das vorsichtig andeute macht er nur „eeh“ und wechselt das Thema, zu Enteninnereien, was unter seinen Lieblingsthemen eins der salonfähigsten ist. „Umm guys?!“, kommt es da von der Tür und wir drehen uns um. Im Türrahmen, angezogen und geföhnt, steht Mitbewohnerin 1. Sie hat die Hände in die Hüften gestützt und ihr Gesicht ist eine exakte Kopie des Emojis mit der hochgezogenen Augenbraue.

Ihre Haare sind unverändert pechschwarz. Ihre Kopfhaut hat die Farbe eines Pavianhinterns.

———————————————————————

Bonus Content: authentic photo of me in der Küche morgens

[katastrophentourismus]

Ich nominiere die Kirche Our Lady Queen Of Heaven am Dubliner Flughafen. Bin nicht religiös aber ich hab mich noch nie so unsafe in der Nähe einer Kirche gef��hlt. Echtes r/evilbuildings material

Andere Flughäfen haben einfach nur einen "Raum der Stille" oder sowas. Irland dagegen möchte, dass alle schon direkt beim Ankommen wissen, dass es ein katholisches Land ist.

[nicht-ganz-allein-sunny]

Nachdem ich das Stück seit mindestens Ende 2022 unbedingt sehen wollte hab ichs jetzt doch mal einmal quer durch die Republik geschafft und mir 'Macbeth' im Düsseldorfer Schauspielhaus angeschaut. Ein paar abschließenende Gedanken ohne jede Ordnung und Reihenfolge:

- André Kaczmarczyk als Macbeth, irgendwo zwischen einem verletzten, gejagten Tier und später einem psychotischen Springclown, ist n absolutes Highlight

- Die Dynamik zwischen Lady Macbeth und Macbeth ist abgefucked noch und nöcher. Das wirkt nicht wie ne Beziehung die zu irgend einem Punkt jemals auf Augenhöhe stattfand, sondern mehr wie eine Mutter die absolut nichts mit dem Verhalten ihres massiv autistischen Sohns anfangen kann. Da hilft auch kein Paartherapeuth mehr ey, da hilft nur ne Shotgun (affectionate). Wunderschön.

- Irgendwer in unserer Gruppe meinte sehr treffend "Malcolm ist Gollum". Dem ist nichts hinzuzufügen

- Die Szene in der Malcolm das Kleid von Lady Macduff anzieht? Joar das wird mich den Rest meines Lebens verfolgen

- Blutige Hände zusammenmatschen ist sehr ästhetisch und erotisch und Couple Goals

- Generell sehr viel Kunstblut. Find ich gut

- Badewannenszene. Sehr ästhetisch.

- Die Hexen??? Liebe. Drei Schauspielerinnen die sich als Gemeinschaft bewegen wie eine große, gruselige Spinne? Ja bitte

- Durch Dresden bin ich King Duncan, gespielt vom bühneneinehmenden Ahmed Mesgara, als großartigen, charismatischen Mann gewöhnt. Ihn (wie auch schon in der Bochumer Version) als tattrigen, alten, schon fast dementen Oppa zu sehen ist also definitiv ne erfrischende Interpretation

- Speaking of Duncan, den hätte man nicht umbringen müsse. Huste den einmal falsch an und der stirbt so. Hätteste dir sparen können, Beth.

- Der Torwächter-Part/Monolog wurde nicht wie so oft gestrichen, yay! Sehr schön passend bei Banquo eingebaut

- Lady Macduff die ihren Mann aktiv anfleht nicht mit Malcolm nach England zu gehen und versucht ihn physisch zurückzuhalten/zurückgehalten werden muss??? Mein Herz!! </3

- Das Bühnenbild? Rotierender Drehteller mit unterschiedlichen Abschnitten die optisch von "Joar das könnte man auch in nem Fantasy-Film mit echt krassen Budget sehen" und "Joar Reiner, wir brauchen noch den Dunsinan Hill. Schraub mal n paar Pressspahnplatten aneinander und mal die schwarz an!" reichen (Keine Wertung, war beides sehr hübsch anzusehen)

- Der Anfang der Bankett-Szene? "All unsere Freunde, kommt herein" -> Tür geht auf und die Hexen crawlen als einzige in den Raum? Poetic cinema. I'm gonna go insane over this scene. Legit glaube das was mir am besten gefallen hat.

- *Lady Macbeth fällt tot um* "Wasn jetzt los?!" - Comedygold

- Dieses 'Ich schmier mich mit dem (Perioden)Blut meiner toten Frau ein' war mir doch fast n bisschen too much. Aber nur fast. Immerhin wurde niemandem ins Ohr geleckt.

- Macbeth blutverschmiert und komplett rot wie der Teufel? This too is yuri poetische Bildsprache

Alles in allem bin ich echt froh den Weg auf mich genommen zu haben um mir das mal anzuschauen. N zweites Mal wirds wahrscheinlich nicht dazu kommen, dazu ist der Weg einfach zu weit, aber ich bin echt glücklich das nicht verpasst zu haben.

[curtaincallchronicles]

Macbeth - Dresden

Auch wenn es jetzt schon eine Weile her ist, hier meine 2 Cent zum Friedel-Macbeth.

Wir haben eine Pilgerreise nach Dresden unternommen, um endlich auch Friedels eigenes Macbeth zu sehen. Vielleicht muss ich dazu sagen, dass das Düsseldorfer Macbeth mit André Kaczmarczyk (ahhh) bisher meine einzige Referenz für dieses Werk ist.

Am ersten Tag saßen wir im Parkett, am zweiten Tag im ersten Rang. Komischerweise macht die Perspektive für mich immer einen Unterschied. Dieses Gefühl hatte ich z.B. auch beim Sandmann in Düsseldorf. Aus dem ersten Rang heraus hat mir das Stück deutlich mehr gegeben. Man konnte das Gesamtbild besser erkennen und die einzelnen Dinge auf der Bühne (Schauspiel, Tanz, Licht, etc.) haben, auf mich, zusammen einen schöneren Eindruck gemacht.

Das Licht in Friedels Macbeth war der Hammer! Der Lichttunnel in der Szene mit Lady Macbeth war glaube ich das schönste was ich jemals sehen durfte. Nebelmaschinen-Enthusiast Friedel hat endlich mal wieder gezeigt was die Nebelmaschinen so alles draufhaben. Die Bühne wurde auch gut genutzt, Ebenen sind toll. Allerdings finde ich die Bühne in Düsseldorf einfach cooler (Drehbühne, yeah) und auch das Bühnenbild mit dem Berg hat mir in Düsseldorf besser gefallen. Die Kostüme in Dresden haben mich ein bisschen enttäuscht. Die können mit Düsseldorf einfach nicht mithalten. Ich bin aber auch eher Team je mehr, desto besser (Claudia Hübbeckers rotes Kleid lebt rent free in meinem Kopf).

Das Schauspiel an sich war toll, ich hab Chrissy mit Schwert geliebt (Hat er das zu Hause geübt? Hat er das nur eingebaut, um Schwert schwingen zu lernen?). Der gute Mann hat sich auch mindestens 30 Mal auf den Boden geschmissen, ich wusste nicht, dass ich das brauchte. Was ich aber am allermeisten gebraucht habe, waren die fahrenden Tische. Hallo?? Wieso habe ich sowas nicht. Good choice!! Die anderen Charaktere waren meiner Meinung nach gut besetzt. Banquo hat seinen Popstar moment richtig ernst genommen, 10/10. Am Ende wurde gecrowdsurft und ich war kein Teil davon. Sad. Der Tanz hat mir am ersten Tag irgendwie nicht so viel gegeben (auch wenn die Tänzer mega waren), habe Chrissy's Vision glaube ich auch immer noch nicht ganz verstanden. Am Zweiten Tag habe ich es mir aber einfach angeschaut und es für Schön befunden.

Er hat am ersten Tag tatsächlich auch ein bisschen Gehamletet (ich brauche Hilfe). Da hat er die ganze Zeit den Hamlet Move mit den Armen gemacht. Ich glaube da musste er nochmal in sich gehen und ein bisschen Rollenarbeit leisten. Am zweiten Tag hat er das nämlich nicht mehr gemacht. Interesting.

Es gibt aber auch ein paar Choices die ich fragwürdig finde. Die weird sisters waren einfach nur weird, haben mir gar nichts gegeben. Vor allem nicht, mit denen aus Düsseldorf im Hinterkopf. Warum waren sie zu viert? Warum war eine davon am Ende seine Mum und warum kamen sie mir in dem Stück so überflüssig vor, obwohl sie doch eigentlich so zentral sind? Ebenfalls dazu kommt, dass ich nach Dresden gefahren bin, um Chrissy, my lovely boy, und die Woods abrocken zu sehen. Warum ist das denn nicht passiert? Musste Chrissy die anderen auch mal singen lassen? Haben die Woods fremdgerockt während er zuschauen musste? Meh.

Random Fragen, die seitdem in meinem Kopf sind:

Warum passen diesem Mann keine Hosen?

Warum hatte er in dem Wald Video eine nach Unterhose aussehende Kopfbedeckung auf? Wer ist dafür verantwortlich?

Wie oft ist er während dem Videodreh hingefallen? Hat er sich wehgetan?

Warum wurden private parts so lange gegrabbed? (weak motive?)

Musste Chrissy Tanzunterricht für seine 20 Sekunden Tanzeinlage nehmen? Wenn ja, warum gibt es dazu kein behind the scenes Video?

Was machen die Woods während sie in der Grube hocken?

Fazit:

Ich mochte das Stück wirklich sehr, auch wenn ich den 2. Tag gebraucht habe, um damit warm zu werden. Trotzdem muss ich sagen, dass mir die Inszenierung in Düsseldorf besser gefällt. Das liegt aber sehr wahrscheinlich an der Ästhetik, die ich in Düsseldorf einfach unglaublich gerne mag. Es ist düster, kalt, bedrohlich, blutig und brutal. Alles Dinge, die für mich zu der Geschichte gehören und mir in Dresden irgendwie ein bisschen gefehlt haben (außerdem ist André (ahhh) auch ein guter Grund für Düsseldorf). Vielleicht muss ich aber auch mehr von seinen eigenen Regiearbeiten sehen (Solaris), um mit seinem Stil warm zu werden. Vielleicht mag ich ihn als Schauspieler aber auch einfach lieber als als Regisseur. We will see.

[zmasters]

A Dance with Death, a Warhammer Short

Based on the results of the following series of polls

A shadow blitz through the streets of a city. A multicolored blur bouncing from hab block corner to back alley without so much of a stumble or stop for breath. For the odd ganger or beggar on the quiet streets during the dead of this smoggy night, all they witness is a sudden breeze that at most catches them off guard for the nanosecond it blows past their ears. All unaware of the hand of death that just barely graced their pale skin.

The masked figure stifled a cough. He wasn’t used to the dank land that the monkeigh called “Hive Naraka-Beta.” Only such barbaric people would willingly settle a world inhabitable to their very being, and only such a stupid race would call the megacities of the world A, B, C, and so on.

“Almost there, Caerdor.” The assassin whispered to himself, the curved blade of his shrieker cannon cleaning cut a knick into a metal wall as he passed another alley.

A flash of blonde appeared in front of the leaping shadow. The target. With one crack and a quiet chuckle, a woman’s body collapsed to the ground, her head vanishing with a black and pink blur.

Caerdor landed on a nearby rooftop with a grace only an aeldari harlequin could perform. “You Chaos fools always make this simple enough” He sighed, his grinning face hidden by his Agaith false-face.

Gripping the severed head by her hair, he raised the target's dead, red eyes to his mask’s visor. The left side of his mask held the image of a fleshy-pink skull.

After a few seconds of a silent staring contest, Caerdor tossed the head over the edge of the building. “Bloody body doubles.”

High above the crime filled city, two women overlooked a gang shoot out from an air-locked balcony. Both pale, one a brunette, the other blonde.

“I feel so much restraint being forced to watch the violence of my city from here.” The brunette sighed as she twirled a knife between her fingers. Her white dress was bare and boring for someone of her standing, the only decoration being a few dull red stains scattered around the dress.

“Well, Lady Idris Brele, if you help my organization, you can be the one down there.”

“Your little club sounds too good to be true, Mari.”

Mari chuckled. “No salesman would tell a potential buyer the cons of their products out the gate. But I’m not a salesman. I’ll tell you everything you need to know about my organization and our current plans, both the good and the bad. If you don’t like it, I will leave and we can both pretend this meeting never happened. If you are interested, we can continue our discussion at my place. Sounds like a deal?” She stuck out her hand.

Idris took a second to think about it shortly before taking Mari’s hand. “Deal.”

On a rooftop over, a green glint focused on the blond target. “Just one more second.”

“Khiladi.” A familiar voice interrupted the sniper’s work as a gun barrel was placed against her copper skull.

“Caerdor.” She laughed. “How’s my favorite clown doing?”

The titular clown responded by slamming his boot into the back of Khiladi’s head, her still, copper face smashing into the concrete roof with a crack. “Why are you here, deathmark?”

“Same reason you’re here, death jester.” The necron groaned, turning her head to face the eldar. “Killing a chaos champion.”

Caerdor glanced in the direction Khiladi was aiming her rifle at. “Why didn’t you shoot her then?”

“I was checking to see if she was a body double or not, leaf lover boy. Something you weren’t doing.”

“So what, they’re all chaos followers. And I’m no longer an exodite.”

“It doesn’t matter if you trade out the dragon cloak for a clown mask, your old uniform made your ass look perfect.” Khiladi laughed.

Caerdor's mask hid his blushing.

“As for holding my shot,” she continued, “your mindless slaughtering has only alerted the cult that someone wants the boss dead.”

“Who cares? Only weak cowards use body doubles, I doubt whatever warriors they have will stop me.”

“Unlike you,” Khiladi sat up, “I’ve been paying attention to what these cultists are doing. We’re dealing with the Disciples of the First Prince, mortals and neverborn of all four marks fighting side-by-side in unison. And the target isn’t using body doubles because she’s scared of death. The one they call Bloodfly is everywhere, pulling hundreds of strings all at once. Sure, if you kill enough pale blondes, you’ll get her. But they’ve adapted with every head lost. If anything, thigh highs, the only thing you managed to do is make my job harder!”

“Good!”

“At least you’re hot.”

“By Cegorach, why do I have the only necron with a sex drive following me around?”

“You know you love it.” Khiladi’s still face produced a giggle-like sound.

Caerdor sighed, silently thanking the gods that he was wearing a mask.

“Now, unless you want to have fun right now, please get off me so I can get back to work.” The necron’s one green eye focused on a red glint that sparked on a rooftop behind the clown.

“First tell me how you’re telling these monkeigh apart.”

Khiladi shoved Caerdor off of her. “In a minute!” She shouted before vanishing.

As Caerdor collapsed to the ground, cursing the deathmark’s name, he watched a solid red beam fly pass him. The beam barely missed, breaking a clean hole through the lip of the building’s roof. He caught his footing, sprinting behind the roof access for cover. Khiladi reappeared right next to him.

“Told you were making a mess of things!”

“By Khaine what was that?”

“It was a human weapon called a lascannon! I knew you were going to attract assassins, but a bloody anti-tank weapon?”

Caerdor poked his head around the wall, before ducking back as another red streak flew past.

Three eyes followed the red blast, the beam streaking past the skyscraper that the body double was in. Khiladi got a ding in her mind, a confirmation that the so-called double wasn’t a double. Her vision zoomed in, right onto the woman’s grinning face.

“I have an idea.”

“What is it?”

“Distract them!”

“Wait what?” Caerdor tried to stop Khiladi, but she was already gone, and he was instead greeted by a third lascannon shot.

A lone astartes adjusted his aim. The large cannon, heavy even by space marine standards, sat awkwardly on his teal shoulder pauldron, the wiring connecting directly into his shadow-black helmet replacing any need for a scope. A husky voice relays through his vox, confirming that the target is still behind the entrance to the building, but that his accomplice has vanished. One eye focused on the auspex, confirming that he was the only one on the rooftop of the tower he stood on. The second adjusted the aim of his lascannon.

The marine silently questioned why he was ordered to use a lascannon specifically. It was a powerful weapon, certainly able to kill an eldar in a single shot, but it’s not an appropriate weapon. The xeno race was fast, never seemingly able to hold still for a second. A single-shot, low fire rate weapon was not a good weapon to take out such a quick bugger.

He caught a glimpse of the clown’s mask as he poked his head around the corner, before ducking back. The xeno was testing, measuring shots to figure out his location. Clever. All he had to do was hold his shot until he could hundred percent confirm a hit. Slaanesh will feed well tonight.

The auspex flashed a dot on the scanner. There was a second being on the roof with the space marine. He turned, and was met with the glowing green of a synaptic disintegrator.

Caerdor jumped as Khiladi reappeared next to him, heaving an ash covered shoulder-mounted cannon.

“Good distraction.”

“What are you doing?”

“Killing our target.”

The coils of the cannon glowed red, before sending a beam of red light straight towards the grinning target, the cannon itself flying out of Khiladi’s hands.

The beam hit on target, the resulting blast sending red hot glass shards and rebar falling to the city below, likely landing on some unlucky plebs.

As the dust settled, the two xeno assassins were able to make out the woman, now missing the right side of her torso and arm, collapse to the floor.

“Mission accomplished.” Khiladi giggled.

“But I didn’t kill her.” Caerdor pouted.

“Dead is dead. You got the kill last time.”

“Why do we always get the same target?”

“Maybe someone above us finds this funny, clown boy toy.”

Caerdor was about to shoot back at the necron, but was interrupted by the sound of cracking and buzzing.

The target was slowly approaching the death jester and deathmark, a pair of crimson insect wings letting her fly over the gap between the skyscrapers. Moss and vines curled over her wounds, slowly stitching her body back together.

“Grandfather Nurgle finds your plight hilarious.” She laughed. “Though Prince Be'lakor finds you two annoying.”

Both assassins opened fire on the flying chaos lord. Shrieker cannon rounds and synaptic disintegrator blasts filled the air of where she was, but for a diseased corpse with wings she was fast.

With a heavy thud, the winged woman landed directly on top of Khiladi. With a clawed talon wrapping around her throat, her head was slammed into the roof, a crack forming in both the concrete and the metal skull.

Caerdor swung the bladed end of his cannon, the lord catching the blade in her hand.

“Thank you for aiding my plans.” She growled, ripping the cannon out of Caerdor’s hand. “There’s a supernatural serial killer in Naraka-Beta, and more and more people are looking for someone to protect them.”

“How many body doubles have you killed?” Khiladi asked.

Caerdor threw a punch, which was caught in the beast’s other talon.

“Since landing on Naraka three days ago, your pointy-eared friend has killed fifty two of my non-mutated kin.” The beast grinned. “Thirty six were female and only seventeen even resembled by disguise.”

Caerdor felt the green orb Khiladi called an eye glare at him. “They’re Chaos cultists.”

“Only twenty-five are tied to my cult.”

“It’s good that you’re hot.” Khiladi groaned, her voice muffled by the clawed foot covering her mouth.

“Oh, so now you care about monkeigh?”

“I just know how to be subtle, and everyone I killed is tied to the cult.” 

The necron was silenced by the talon gripping her skull and slamming it into the concrete roof again. Following suit was the aeldari being thrown down next to her, the lord’s free talon quickly wrapping around his throat. 

Two pairs of arms tried to fight off the dark wood talons with little success. Caerdor struggled to breath in the iron grip while Khiladi was blinded from the talon pushing into her ocular unit.

“As much as I want to KILL you two right now, and I want to kill you soooo badly~ That! Fucking! Hurt!” She slammed Khiladi’s skull with each word. “Buuuut I have some ideas~ Some lovely, torturous, ideas.”

Caerdor struggled to breath. His sore, oxygen deprived arm collapsed from numbness as vision faded, bumping into the now-still body of the assassin he’s cursed to somehow always run into. Somehow, ever since he was an exodite and into his joining of the Masque of the Reaper’s Mirth, this flirty, Ogdobekh deathmark has followed him, fate always putting them into a position where killing each other is the dumb move. Thousands of orks, space marines, daemons, and tryanids have fallen to their hands in the past centuries, and he would be lying if he said he’s happy to see this member of his race’s eternal rival die.

As his vision faded to black, a memory flooded his mind. A shirtless Caerdor sat hunched over, the corpses of orks surrounding him.

“Ow! Watch it!”

“I lost my skin before your species touched the stars.” Khiladi sighed, her skeletal fingers carefully using a needle to stitch a wound on Caerdor’s back. “I’m doing the best I can.”

“I know.”

The two sat in silence, the only sound between the two being the whirling of Khiladi’s servos and the dripping of Caerdor’s blood.

“Necron.” Caerdor broke the silence.

“Thigh-highs.” Khiladi answered.

“Why did you do this?”

“What? Saving your life or fixing your wounds?”

“Both. You could’ve left me for dead or finished me off, but you helped me.”

Khiladi was silent.

“You don’t know why, do you?”

“My overlord hasn’t ordered your death, so I have no reason to kill you.”

“We’ve been running into each other for centuries, and we’ve always been put into situations where we are fighting the same enemy. Today is the first time where you could easily walk away and just leave me bleeding out with a knife in my back.”

“I wouldn’t call the hunk of metal that was sticking out of your spine a knife.”

“I’m serious!”

“I don’t know. Maybe I just like you.”

“It can’t be that simple!” Caerdor turned to face Khiladi, who just finished stitching the wound.

“It could be!” She defended. “You know how hard it is to have friends as a necron assassin! The only person in my entire species I can talk to is my Overlord! It’s like if the only other eldar you can have a conversation with is that damned clown you call a god!”

“Is that why you helped me? You consider me to be a f-friend?”

Khiladi produced a sighing noise and laid down in the grass. “My flesh, blood, and soul was taken to fight a war that only worsened the galaxy and everyone involved. My sole purpose is to be the unquestioning assassin for a noble who’s sanity is barely holding on by a thread and rules a nation of mindless automata. If having a conversation every once in a while with a thin waist flesh bag like you is the only thing keeping me sane, then I don’t care.”

“So… What would happen if your overlord ordered my death?”

“They're unlikely to put out a hit for a sole death jester, but…”

“There’s nothing you can do?”

Khiladi was quiet. Caerdor knew she would be crying if she physically could.

He laid down next to her. “Let’s make a promise. The only way for one of us to die is by the other’s hand.”

“How is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“If either of us are in danger, the other has to save them. The only way for either of us to die a true death is from the other.”

Khiladi giggled. “Ok. Caerdor of the Masque of the Reaper’s Mirth, by the Nightbringer I will be the one to kill you.”

Caerdor grinned. “Khiladi of the Ogdobekh Dynasty, I swear to Cegorach and Isha that I will be the one to kill you.”

His eyes snapped open, his mind returning to the present. The clawed talons of the winged chaos lord were slowly tearing into his throat. With the last of strength, his fingertips felt something. A rifle. Khiladi’s disintegrator.

Blinded from a lack of oxygen, he grabbed the rifle and fired.

The talon released his throat, the chaos beast collapsing with a screech of pain. Caerdor had shot the leg that gripped Khiladi’s head, the plant limb slowly crumbling to ash, struggling to regrow from the burnt stump.

Lightheaded, Caerdor struggled to his feet. With each heavy step, he fired another synaptic blasting into the mutant, its flesh melting into a pile of ash. With each shot, the creature roared with deafening screeches, pleading to dark powers to save her. A shot to the mouth silenced her, blasting the headless corpse over the edge of the building, only to rain ash on whatever's down there.

“Ni-ce s-shot.” Khiladi stuttered, her necrodermis slowly repairing her damaged skull.

“Thanks.” Caerdor huffed, collapsing to the floor.

“What do you think of my prototype, Lord Iska?” A chitinous creature hissed as she perched on a nearby spire top, a pair of crimson wings buzzing with each word.

“A fine specimen, Vera.” A second creature with crimson wings hissed back, this one wearing a suit of black armor with silver trim, though his shoulder pads bore a teal that matched the color of his partner’s chitin. The glowing green eyes of the tusked helm met with the glowing green of his partner’s horned mask. “Though I am not a fan of her zealotry to Nurglith.”

“It’s difficult to create daemonkin who aren’t zealots. It doesn’t help that we had to stuff a rot fly to where her soul used to be to get functioning wings.”

“It’s a prototype, it’ll take time to perfect it.”

“May I suggest a base creature other than human?”

“Like eldar?”

“There’s one right there.”

“Not yet. I suggest we lie in wait, make the xenos think you’re dead. Once enough time has passed, we strike a loan patrol or maiden world, or barter with the drukari.”

“Prince Be’lakor won’t be happy that we have to leave.”

“Invasion can still happen with or without us, and I think our Master can convince him to look the other way.”