#lack of accommodations
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Autism and Vulnerability
The Autistic Teacher
I just wanted to add that I really wish we had more helpful resources for teens and adults. All I see are about parts who had an autistic child or autistic children in general. Teens and adults need just as much support as parents and kids do.
This is what inspired me to create this blog. I want to help everyone who are teens, adults, and everyone in general. Even those who are not neurodivergent.
#autism#actually autistic#vunerability#social communication#lack of accommodations#anxiety#autism and society
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having a very im-alone-and-suffering kind of evening
#uni life#disabled#lack of accommodations#i may cry#im doing research on disability and yet they still make these meetings inaccessible#and im just annoying people who have their own shit to worry about but i have no fucking clue what do do#like I don’t want to whine about this#there’s just already so much going on#im drowning#and I just feel so lonely which is ridiculous bc im as social as I would typically be but my brain is telling me that everyone just wants me#to shut up and stop complaining and to leave them a line#and stop being a fucking burden#but the universe has been punishing me ever since April and I just want a breather#and I still have to schedule a gre testing date and study for it#and figure out my second thesis#and make sure no one can see how much of a fucking failure I am bc if they do I’ll go nowhere in life#im just so tired#i just want to rest#i just want it to stop
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Okay but does Peri KNOW that Dev has a robotic leg when he shows up? Something about the fact that Peri's wand is a cane and the fact that Dev could have kept his leg and just had a cane for the rest of his life instead tickles my brain.
I mean he doesn't know immediately, he wasn't like briefed or anything, but he basically lives in Dev's house so he definitely finds out. Peri doesn't comment on or react to it all though really, there's no reason for him to think anything of it, plenty of people have missing limbs, a lot of people are born without them, it doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister happened. He had no reason to pry or ask and I think Peri's lack of reaction to it helped Dev feel a bit more comfortable in his skin. (Not by much but.. a little bit.)
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fop dev#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dale#fop Nature AU#<- I might rename it to something else idk give me ideas#LITERALLY thinking about the ableism implications of my AU so hard#Dale doesn't even stop to think that his son might not want a prosthetic leg#(Within the context of the AU the technology is good enough its basically indistinguishable from a real leg aside from lack of sensation)#he's basically deciding FOR his son that having his leg fully replaced would be better than living with a mild disability#After being the cause of that disability!! Double traumatization whammy!#If he stopped even for a second to ask Dev what he wanted he'd have learned that this was absolutely not it!#Half the reason Dev is so secretive is because he thinks being visibly disabled is showing weakness and is some terrible thing#You need accommodations right now man!!! Tell people what you need!!#Dale doesn't actually care all that much about people knowing about the prosthetic leg as long as Dev is quiet about the cause#and doesn't make him look bad#tbh he's kinda proud of the prosthetic leg. Im sure half the reason he was so eager to push it onto his son was because his own company mad#it and wanted to try it out#I have so many thoughts this is getting so long
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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Against all odds, we have survived. We're taking a university course now, because the government will pay us for it and we do need the money, but it has unfortunately been eroding at our sanity somewhat, and we are learning nothing that we don't already know. We are, however, getting money.
We have somewhat of a backlog on Discord at the moment, as it doesn't have a daily upload limit and also it's easier to stick things on while we are being told things that we already know by people who are phrasing in in ways we find significantly misleading or incorrect (note: we don't use apps for things the vast majority of the time and if we access Tumblr via browser it immediately fucks up our formatting on PC, which can last several months). We will, hopefully, be posting these soon, but all is dependant on if we can actually scare up the time between courses to conglomerate that and fix any formatting errors in thoughts and such.
If that will happen any time soon... good question! Every time that our work practicum teacher opens her mouth, we take points of physical damage, and we don't think she understands the fact that getting back after we walk to a place also involves walking. We've had a lot going on for a while now and very little of it has been good. We're on new meds, and if the gods prove merciful, we won't have to tolerate this particular clown show past March. If there is no mercy to be found, however, we might have to keep doing this until June, in which case you can probably expect the quality of this to take a sharp downturn as the short time we have already spent in this program is already having immediate and catastrophic effects on our mental health.
We do not recommend going to university in any circumstances, but we are unfortunately aware that it may be necessary to get such things as a fancy piece of paper saying you are employable. Additionally, we would tell you to calibrate your expectations for anyone with a degree lower, but apparently what we consider the basic level of knowledge you should know before saying anything on any topic is everyone else's "bachelor degree and a bit", so our estimations on what people think is a high degree of knowledge to have are probably also off.
Any donations go to the Fund To Compensate Us For Having To Correct A Teacher Multiple Times In A Lecture And Then Looking Up Her Sources Later And Discovering They Are Blatant Misinformation. We are very tired. Please do research on things before talking about them. Thank you.
#we speak#not liveblog#necessary context: we have filed three different behavioral complaints this quarter and we highly suspect we will be filing more later#and if we did not need the money for this we would have dropped out already#we keep googling pieces of information that are mentioned in class and finding out they are incorrect or misleading#which as you can clearly see is not great for us#we pulled up an article on the ways that AI is actively poisoning data the other day because that is Often Relevant To Us#as well as a handful of articles around the hideous amounts of electricity and water it uses up#that we had on hand because it's Relevant To Us And The Things That We Care About Which Directly Affect Our Life#and we were told that our teacher didn't want us to talk about that because it made her feel bad for using ai#which we don't believe is something we can actually put in a formal report but it's sure going in our petty grievances bin#most of what we're actually putting in there is stuff we are likely to be able to actually get her on#such as lack of disability accommodation#hmm. this is rapidly becoming a rant. hopefully this sheds some light on our absence. we're getting into higher education#the only things currently keeping us sane are the presence of our fiance. and also getting into fountain pens#because they're something that we can actually carry into class and they overlap enough with areas of study we were previously interested i#that we can integrate learning very specific things about their mechanics and functionality into our general workflow#your mileage may vary if you are not already experiencing this particular brand of madness btw#but it does help when the pen we're using to doodle in lectures is something it actively feels Nice To Write With#our other non-practicum teacher is fine btw. his lectures are unbearably dull but he can't help that he's lecturing#on things that we already have large amounts of in-depth knowledge on#at least he's not actively spreading misleading information
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yesterday I had the absolute pleasure and honour to watch a dance performance that had around 40 non-professional dancers who moved and danced naked outside and in historical buildings and I just have to say. it was absolutely healing. there were old bodies. young bodies. bodies with various disabilities. trans bodies. intersex bodies. fat bodies. thin bodies. bodies in all kinds of shapes and sizes. bodies with scars and tattoos and piercings and hair -
and what you learn from watching 40 naked bodies, moving together, moving in spaces, moving against and on top of each other
is that every body holds beauty. and no body fits what is somehow supposed to be the norm or standard. and that's exactly what we all need. just ninety minutes of this and I don't think anyone will ever be able to make me feel shame again about my naked trans body, just because I saw others like mine dance, joyfully, naked, in spaces they're not supposed to belong.
#and everybody i talked to who also saw it was just as blown away#i cried. Several others cried. there was minimal music and some naked people jumped and humped some columns and it was an epiphany#to be fair most of the participants were white but i don't think it was for lack of invitation#the way esp. the trans and disabled people were accommodated here? I've never seen such effort put into making something this accessible#my posts#dance#body positivity
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There really is a lot to be said about How to Train Your Dragon and visible disability vs invisible disability and neurodivergency and how neurotypical parents (and society as a whole) treat their neurodivergent kids and how we’ve always felt the desire to belong and to do that we try our hardest to be like everyone else but even if we pass there’s almost always something that gives us away and there’s always that knowledge that we know we’re different and “Ever since he could crawl he’s been different” and “It’s not so much as what you look at it’s what’s inside that he can’t stand” and “Stop trying to be someone you’re not” “I just want to be one of you guys” and “You need to stop all this” “But you just gestured to all of me” and how it’s only once we confirm it’s when we’re paid attention to and “Finally we have something we can talk about” and“This conversation is feeling very one sided” and “For once in your life can you please just listen” and finding companionship, understanding, and humanity in the non-human before you find it in humans and, and, and-
#Strong thoughts on HTTYD this fine Sunday morning#And don’t even get me started on how this continues to bleed into HTTYD2#And I didn’t even touch on lack of accommodation or being forced into a role you didn’t want through working hard to succeed and pass#how to train your dragon#httyd#rambling#Fuck me adding onto the tags and also Stoic’s question on Hiccup being ‘gone’ when he gets back from trying to find the nest#Like that scene. Man that scene.#I don’t think I’ve ever fully forgiven stoic I’m not going to lie
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four years for this show...
#IM SORRY. ITS JUST. IM SO. HHHHHRGN#its fine. its good. its entertaining to say the least#but from a writing perspective......#im not an anti i am the worlds biggest helluva boss enjoyer the hellaverse is SO SPECIAL TO ME#but.. the more i see about hazbin s1......#how in over four years was this what you came up with. how is the pacing this insane. how is this character treatment ok.... PLEASE#my sorta toxic trait is that as someone obsessed with media analysis; narrative devices; and story structure -#as well as just. someone who is an aspiring showrunner/creator working on my own huge projects -#is that every time i come across a movie or show that i think is done in a really lacking way. all i can think about is how i would#have done it instead#(this happens in a non-critical way too tbf if i really enjoy a book or game i'll be like they should let me make a based on film)#but hazbin. hazbin. all i have right now is 'i could fix her' in my head#I WOULD TREAT THESE CHARACTERS RIGHT I WOULD GIVE THEM THE NARRATIVE THEY DESERVE#there is. so much potential here. how is the execution so lacking#mine#good ideas!!!! good moments!!!!!!!! THE OVERALL CONSISTENT NARRATIVE IS NOT DOING SO HOT#as a side note though i really think this is why helluva is doing so much better in terms of pacing and writing. the structure of that show#is so much more accommodating to a long intricate story WHILE weaving in a billion different character stories#8 episodes for hazbin is insane season 1 needed twice as much#nyx crit tag
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...
#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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Ok im going home as soon as the ambulance arrives! Which could take up to 24h lol but idcccccccc
#nurse gave me some stuff in case the accommodations dont come on time so im feeling ok about it#also im finally gonna be able to sleep in my bed like the lack of sleep has not been helping
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been traveling to a bunch of college campuses this last bit, with more to see. they are IMPRESSIVELY inaccessible. like holy shit.
#be it general lack of ramps/elevators (holy shit i cannot get up Six Sets Of Stairs) or just Size of Campus without Places To Rest ...#kinda vaguing abt IU(i hope the protests go well. free palestine) god i went on a damn tour and i thought i was going to die. Im lucky to b#able to walk some distances without aid but to my disabled siblings with wheelchairs & other aids im sorry. i understand the appeal of a#walkable campus but i would also like to able to Walk To Class with accommodations. does a bench hurt the natural beauty?? a ramp into the#buildings?? next place you refurbish with your state money maybe add an elevator!!!#im sorry to my disabled sibings who cant get around their campuses.#disability pride#actually disabled#cicada screams
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speaking as an able bodied person who thinks frequently about accessibility and wheelchair strategy on behalf of a wheelchair using acquaintance for whom I provide transportation, I do think that able bodied people should not opt to represent mobility aids in works of media unless they’re prepared to commit to portraying accommodations with some degree of verisimilitude. without that commitment they’re undoing whatever good they might do through representation
#just a lot of bad wheelchair hygiene lately in things I enjoy#picking up the wheelchair with the person inside = NO and I don’t care what your str stat is#the whole party is able to get down this hole. we don’t know how but it’s fine :///#btw the answer to this is NOT to be like Emily St. John Mandel and say that#with the collapse of society the world becomes unlivable for disabled people#when institutional accommodations are gone interpersonal accommodations must pick up the slack#the sterile distance between the disabled characters of Station Eleven and everyone around them that was supposedly forming a ~community~#was the most hopeless and depressing part of the book for me#absolute clown shoes to write a book about how important culture is after the fall of civilization#but let everyone with a Condition™️ flat out die from lack of community. do better than her#ableism mention cw
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Okay. In the tags of my last post about this game, I mentioned wanting to talk about my favorite line.
It's this:
Transcript
Peppermint :
Might be able to bypass security on that one. It's a rough route, though. Lotta stairs...
I just. I love it so much. I thought it was a brilliant way to segway into a new movement mechanic section while also highlighting the disabled aspect of the characters.
Peppermint WOULD know how rough stairs can be with a leg prosthesis.
But Chai doesn't have one, does he ? He is, however, only hours out of a major surgery and still getting used to the weight and feel of a new limb. At certain points you can even see him teetering off balance in cut scenes where he has to hop up higher levels.
Peppermint absolutely would have noticed this. Or I could be overthinking and she just felt this way from her own experience.
It was such a small line, but it was everything to me.
#mel talks hi fi rush#there's quite a lot in the game that elaborates on disability and all it can entail#especially how the systems in power accommodate and also fail to accommodate#like some logs speaking about older models being unable to traverse the campus due to lacking the tools necessary#and I think that Chai having an old mp3 player is a fucking (chef's kiss) perfect detail#brings it full circle#and also may insinuate his class ? hard to say with the lack of world building in that area#I keep rewatching the intro scene and yes I am very autistic about it !!! shut up !!!!
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Xie Lian's banishment is different! I'd been wondering about how banishment and exile works for other officials based on the rules we know for Xie Lian, now I know, Xie Lian has unique rules. Other banished heavenly officials age slower than mortals but they age, and they still die - it's just Xie Lian who's sealed off from dying while shackled. (Of course: Jun Wu wouldn't want everything he did ruined by Xie Lian dying unexpectedly)
#Me Talking#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#TGCF liveblogging#I do have some questions about Yin Yu's cursed shackle now but I'm pretty sure we'll get more details on that later#Also... The way it was phrased kind of implied that Xie Lian's shackle getting removed if he ascended again was another accommodation?#I think it was mentioned earlier that it was a regular clause but not many banished officials ascended again#but I don't have that book out from the library to check at the moment#Did answer some questions I had about what happened to other banished officials if they didn't ascend and couldn't die!#(And also seemingly couldn't fade away from lack of worship like active heavenly officials at least as long as they're banished)#They can die! Only Xie Lian cannot die
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people claim to understand that progress isn't linear and recovery can take a long time until it becomes personally inconvenient to them and then you're just a stupid lazy bastard to them no matter how you behaved before you became outwardly sick or how hard you've been trying to get better. and i will be mad about that forever
#text post#vent#venting#vent post#chronic illness#mental illness#progress is not linear#recovery takes time#ive only been diagnosed and trying treatments for my autoimmune disease for 1yr#ive been sick for closer to 5#i just got covid for the second time in january and its fucked up all the progress#that i was making#and now rather than try to support me through a major setback#everyone is acting like i just dont have my shut together and im not trying#meanwhile i am doing my best to keep up when walking a single flight of stairs is still hard for me#and there are very few people who meaningfully recognize how hard this is for me#i used to work three jobs while going to school full time seeing my family frequently#AND having a social life and maintaining my ltr#now im married yeah but i only do one wfm full time job barely engage with my hobbies#see my family and friends infrequently and tbh barely leave my house#and its not for any lack of wanting to#its because i CANT#and even fewer people are making am efforts to accommodate me#so i force myself to occasionally go out and see people#and then need to recover for two weeks#and they dont even appreciate how HARD it is#so much of the effort disabled put into their interactions with abled or just differently#disabled loved ones goes completely unnoticed because its expected as the bare minimum another can do#but rhe bare minimum to them is the absolute best you yourself can give#and nobody cares
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It’s really weird and kind of sad realizing that you are growing differently than how someone you’ve known for a long time is growing
#it doesn’t mean the end of the friendship or anything. But it is a shift#it’s really weird and sad. At least in this situation to me#I was talking with my friends from high school and just so many small comments they made…#I could see and hear the internalized shame and discouragement and lack of self love and care. and they had just. accepted it?#like my friend was talking about genuine issues she’s worried about in her new job and not feeling qualified or prepared#I know she has ADHD. a lot of the things she was talking about to me are things that are related to her ADHD#struggling to remember instructions and having poor sense of direction - both MEMORY SKILLS - while also supposedly teaching others#she said she told her supervisor that she *doesn’t know anything* and her supervisor is like *you’ll be fine* but she doesn’t think so#and like. I’m hearing that she doesn’t feel heard. she feels unqualified and intimidated. and she is gonna Put in a lot of extra work#because she’s afraid of not being good enough and feeling ashamed at not being better. and it just hurt to hear the whole group agreeing#with her approach. like the consensus was basically *yep you’ve gotta fend for yourself to put up the best charade you can to make them#think that you’re more functional than you are and you aren’t struggling*#and like. I hate that? that’s essentially adhd masking. that’s so much extra effort and work because she wont receive support from her new#bosses and can’t communicate with them her struggles in a way where she feels heard and thus won’t be accommodated#like??? I couldn’t believe everyone was just rolling with that and assuming it’s normal to hide yourself and work extra hard to compensate#for your challenges because they’re something your supposed to hide. like?? NO#both in that convo and throughout the amount of internalized shame in this group is. SO. MUCH!!!! I’m like??? guys??? self love???#googoogajoob
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