A thought I’ve been having: While it's important to recognize the long history of many current queer identities (and the even longer history of people who lived outside of the straight, cis, allo “norm”) I think it's also important to remember that a label or identity doesn't have to be old to be, for lack of a better word, real.
This post that i reblogged a little while ago about asexuality and its history in the LGBTQ+ rights movement and before is really good and really important. As i've thought about it more, though, it makes me wonder why we need to prove that our labels have "always existed." In the case of asexuality, that post is pushing back against exclusionists who say that asexuality was “made up on the internet” and is therefore invalid. The post proves that untrue, which is important, because it takes away a tool for exclusionists.
But aromanticism, a label & community with a lot of overlap & solidarity with asexuality, was not a label that existed during Stonewall and the subsequent movement. It was coined a couple decades ago, on internet forums. While the phrasing is dismissive, it would be technically accurate to say that it was “made up on the internet.” To be very clear, I’m not agreeing with the exclusionists here—I’m aromantic myself. What I’m asking is, why does being a relatively recently coined label make it any less real or valid for people to identify with?
I think this emphasis on historical precedent is what leads to some of the attempts to label historical figures with modern terminology. If we can say someone who lived 100 or 1000 years ago was gay, or nonbinary, or asexual, or whatever, then that grants the identity legitimacy. but that's not the terminology they would have used then, and we have no way of knowing how, or if, any historical person's experiences would fit into modern terminology.
There's an element of "the map is not the territory" here, you know? Like this really good post says, labels are social technologies. There's a tendency in the modern Western queer community to act like in the last few decades the "truth" about how genders and orientations work has become more widespread and accepted. But that leaves out all the cultures, both historical and modern, that use a model of gender and sexuality that doesn't map neatly to LGBTQ+ identities but is nonetheless far more nuanced than "there are two genders, man and woman, and everyone is allo and straight." Those systems aren’t any more or less “true” than the system of gay/bi/pan/etc and straight, cis and trans, aro/ace and allo.
I guess what I’m saying is, and please bear with me here, “gay” people have not always existed. “Nonbinary” people have not always existed. “Asexual” people have not always existed. But people who fell in love with and had sex with others of the same gender have always existed. People who would not have identified themselves as either men or women have always existed. People who didn’t prioritize sex (and/or romance) as important parts of their lives have always existed. In the grand scheme of human existence, all our labels are new, and that’s okay. In another hundred or thousand years we’ll have completely different ways of thinking about gender and sexuality, and that’ll be okay too. Our labels can still be meaningful to us and our experiences right now, and that makes them real and important no matter how new they are.
We have a history, and we should not let it be erased. But we don’t need a history for our experiences and ways of describing ourselves to be real, right now.
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꒰ 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ꒱ 명재현
summary : jaehyun somehow convinced you to take him to the supermarket with you, and it made you realize something
genre : fluff, slight angst (?), myungjae x afab!reader, drabble, established relationship
tws : pet names, food, mentions of anxiety, kissing
author notes : suchhh a whore for domestic fluff
word count : 1.5k
you should've known it was a mistake to take your puppy-like boyfriend to the crowded supermarket with you. you knew he'd be bouncing all over the place, asking if you two could get this and that, but you couldn't say no to him; he had puppy-dog eyes after all.
you don’t even know how he convinced you to let him ride along with you, hands clutched the entire time as the bus bumped and jumped. you vaguely remember between fast pecks in the doorway, him spewing out being an extra pair of hands, but you knew it was just because he couldn’t spend a moment of his free-days without you.
contrary to prior belief, jaehyun stood behind you, mostly because he didn’t like people having the opportunity to get too close, as you eyed the various fruits. you swiveled your head, asking if he wanted anything in particular for tonight—reveling in his calmness and security.
he grinned. “strawberries.”
you nodded absentmindedly, picking up a package of pink berries and placing them in the basket your boyfriend had offered (demanded) to carry for you. he pretended as if he was a spy, protecting you from the enemies, as he called them; aka the other people just trying to grocery shop. and you pretended as if you didn’t notice, falling a little more in love each time he’d grip your side, or hand, or shoulder protectively.
“jae, baby,” he hummed, coming to his senses. “do you want anything else while we’re right here? i don’t feel like coming back once you’ve realized you want apples or something.”
he pouted. “i know you would, though.” and he wasn’t wrong, the moment he looked at you with sweet eyes (evidently) you give in.
still you fronted the opposite. “no,” you turned your nose up playfully. “i’d make you go get them by yourself.”
he made an offended sound, hand coming to rest on his chest to emphasize his actions. soon, however, they morphed into a giggle, a cute smile plastering his face, which wasn’t even that far away from yours in that exact moment.
you thought it must’ve been gross, the pda, displayed for all the passerby’s to see. but as you looked at jaehyun, who had nothing but hearts in his eyes for you, you felt inclined to stay like that for at least a little while—you didn’t though, backing away slightly to return to what you needed to be doing instead.
“and, do we need more rice? i can’t remember.”
he tisked. “should’ve made a list, y/n. i would’ve made a list.” you knew well that he was only joking, because your boyfriend of all people would never make a list unless told to do so. you rolled your eyes, letting him continue. “but if we don’t, you can just store it right? it’s not too hard, is it?”
you looked to the various things in your basket already: green onions, garlic, cabbage, carrots, lettuce and strawberries. you remembered vaguely what you came here for, and you knew that if jaehyun wasn’t gracing your presence you’d probably be done by now (walking fast due to the anxiety). but despite that, you honestly wouldn’t have today play out any other way.
“i guess you’re right. i usually do that anyways.” he picked up a package of individually portioned rice. “just get those for now, i’ll buy bulk later when i remember.”
jaehyun could tell, like you were a picture book, that you were feeling a little uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people. you usually went to the store closer to closing, or on days when nobody would necessarily be around due to work conflicts. you usually bought in bulk so that it was only a once a month kind of thing, but when he saw you were running low on food he encouraged you (because you need to eat) to go grocery shopping, and that’s how you ended up in the grains isle.
you adjusted the empty basket on your arm, opposite of jaehyun’s, and took his hand. he gladly accepted the way you maneuvered you both from the isle and over by the drinks, which was relatively empty—for now.
he set his own basket on the floor, taking yours gently from your elbow and putting it next to the other. his face had a slight pout, and when his hands placed against your waist, yours mirrored the expression.
“coke zero?” you whispered out. “or sprite? or…”
he kept his gaze on you, before pulling you into a tight hug. the moment your chests hit, you inhaled his bright scent. you never could pinpoint exactly what it was, but every time you smelled something remotely close you were reminded of your boyfriend—who, obviously, cares so deeply for you.
you patted his should, in a way of telling him to let go, because you were a little embarrassed that anyone could see such as intimate moment if they turned down the isle. you loved him, you did, but he was a little impulsive when it came to you and yours needs; or what he thought those were.
before he completely pulled away, he snuck a peck against your lips, causing you to giggle in surprise. you continued laughing as he went to pick up the baskets, as if nothing happened.
“what was that for?”
“what was what for?” he asked, an innocent look meeting your eyes. you always found him puppy-like—everyone did—but right now especially. “how about coke zero, babe?”
you scoffed. “sure, myung, whatever you want.”
he stopped his actions, only halfway done taking the soda off the shelf. he turned back to you, approaching his a stupid-little grin on his lips. your eyes narrowed, but you knew you couldn’t back away. “well, in that case,” his palms touched your cheeks gently, before his lips once again pressed to yours (less urgently this time). you started laughing again, trying to push him off, still embarrassed of your boyfriends shameless actions. you thought this had to be public indecency, that he’d been watching too many dramas—picking up useless real-word tips and tricks—but you had to admit, you were feeling that anxious anymore.
you knew jaehyun always had a way to make you feel better; wether that be embarrassing himself to make you laugh, or holding you close. you knew he’d do just about anything to see you smile. and that he did, pulling away and watching your lips crease up. he thought you looked most beautiful smiling, practically shooting hearts from his eyes.
“jaehyun,” you swatted at him. “stop, this is a public establishment. don’t just kiss me in front of people like that… i-it’s embarrassing.”
he pretended to be offended, although knowing exactly what you meant. “you’re embarrassed? of me?” you rolled your eyes, knowing this was only the calm before the storm. jaehyun didn’t care about embarrassing himself, taking you as collateral. “you’re seriously embarrassed of kissing me? my girlfriend, embarrassed… oh my god.” he was once again pouting. “i don’t know how you’re going to make this up to me, y/n, I’m so hurt right now.”
you took the coke off the shelf, putting it in your empty basket. “let’s hurry up and i’ll give you a kiss at home, okay?”
he turned his nose up, blocking you. “just one? that’s not going to be enough to forgive you. you rejected me, hurt my pride, my ego—my girlfriend does—“
“as many as you want, jae,” you looked to your side, sensing the few people who had stumbled upon you and your (fake) sulking boyfriend. “people are staring, let’s go, please.”
and that’s was his cue. he’d never do anything to make you uncomfortable. he knew that nobody was in the isle when he kissed you, being attentively aware, but now that there was, he couldn’t take it any further.
he cheered up, causing you to laugh in disbelief once again. you watched jaehyun pluck the sprite off the shelf too, adding it to the heavier basket—which he took—and then your hand.
you picked up the other basket, catching a glimpse of the older couple at the end of the isle; they didn’t look disgusted by your actions, not even offended. it was more like a look of adoration, an expression of awe at your young love. maybe, you thought, nobody really minded when your boyfriend expressed his feelings for you. hell, when you saw other couples do it, you didn’t even mind. and it’s not like you were making out in front of the soda. he was just trying to cheer you up.
“c’mon, y/n.” he tugged your arm gently, gaining your attention. “we have to watch the last episode of my demon!”
maybe you were too much in your head, instead of focused on what was going on in the present time. in reality, no one truly cared what the two of you did. and, even through the embarrassment, you still liked when jaehyun was impulsive for you. he was your hyperactive boyfriend after all.
“okay…” you sighed out a deep breath. “and i owe you an apology for rejecting your kisses.”
he corrected. “lots of apologies!” before dragging you to check out.
you kissed his cheek standing in line, and felt something shift within yourself: maybe you were become more comfortable, or maybe you finally realized that expressing your admiration and love for someone wasn’t embarrassing.
emotions were only human after all.
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