#l/ucifer

[goodlucksnez]

So after listening to Zen's Wav, I had a idea to continue. So I gathered some friends and we continued the story with a little nod to @instarsandcrime as well!

So enjoy the continuation!

Al//astor: @onetrickponi

Lu//cifer: @zensations35

V//ox: @goodlucksnez

See below for script!

Alastor: Ah! The man of the hour! Just the person I was hoping to encounter…Now then. Time for a little r̴̈e̷͋g̵͛i̷͊c̷̉ǐ̵d̷̃ë̴́

Lucifer: Oh no…*sneeze* Not you again. What is it this time?

Alastor:  As it turns out, sire, not only do you bestow hellish grace upon your subjects, but pestilence as well! ’Allergies.’ Hah! I should have known. 

Lucifer: Well if someone hadn’t insisted I come on their show with only two days notice!

Alastor: Aha-hA!  If someone would answer their phone more than once a month, your nibs–

*Lucifer sneezes*

Alastor: Well. Glad to see your smoky sternutations aren’t exclusive to my studio, at least. Goodness, I do hope this wallpaper is flame-resistant.*ṣ̶͐n̸̺͐ḙ̸̽e̸̲͂z̸̩͋i̷̠͐n̴̨̊g̸̩̿* Pardon.

Lucifer: Hey! Don’t bust out my lights! I’m working on an important project!

Alastor: And now no one has to see it! Pity. :)

*Voxtech Show Theme Plays*

Vox: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most electrifying news show in the multiverse! I’m your host, Vox,  and I’m here to deliver the latest headlines with a dash of charisma, a sprinkle of wit, and a whole lot of tea *clinking cup* *cup falls* 

Vox: *ignoring fallen cup* Tonight on our program we will go over the most recent broadcast from the King of Hell and the less important interviewer *cackle*

Vox: Ahh how good it feels in my studio! I must say our brand is perfection, it just won't do for anything Less. Than. That. *snigger*  

Vox: Unlike a certain old tyrant my studio is made for the highest of royalty. So if any princes or kings want a real experience, come down to Vees tower and I would love to give you a personalized tour from the Man in Charge. 

Alastor: *sneezing* Pompous, vicious little prick…

Lucifer: Ugh.. *sniff* I hate that guy…”Man in Charge”? And they call me prideful??

Vox: I mean really you just walk in, and it’s chaos. Papers everywhere, coffee stains on the desk, *laugh* it isn't even in a proper studio but an old water tower! Talk about tacky. Unprofessional, if you ask me. But here? Every cable is tucked away, every surface polished--

[Vox continues his spiel while Alastor sneezes]

Alastor: *sneezing* 

Vox:-- to a mirror sheen. We believe in excellence, not just in our content but in our environment, that that is what VoxTex is here to provide you. So, when you tune in to our show, rest assured, you’re getting the crème de la crème. Quality, class, and cleanliness–

Alastor: That isn’t even properly alliterative…

Lucifer: Are you kidding me? His place is a walking fire hazard! Or, not walking. Standing? But I know fire hazards! Man, I wish I could just…*sneezes*

Alastor: HaHAh!…Well, then I’m sure you will appreciate this next bit, Sire.

Vox: *sniffling* *sneezing* I must apologize, my dear viewers *sneezing*  but it seems that even the most prepared among us can be caught off guard. It appears I’m having a bit of a g̶͎͑-̵̓ͅg̵̪̑-̷̖͠G̴̥͒L̶̟̈I̷͈͑T̵̀͜C̸̣͝H̸̖͒—nothing serious, but we believe in safety first here at Vox industries.

*Vox continues sneezing throughout his spiel*

Vox: We’re all about transparency and this is as real as it gets. Fucking bitch! I’m going to step off for a moment to take care of this, and in the meantime, we’ll be ending today’s broadcast a tad earlier than scheduled. FuckI’mgonnafuckingkillhim--Our team is top-notch, and they’ll ensure everything is handled with the utmost professionalism. Thank you for your understanding. We’ll be back on air tomorrow, bright and shiny as ever, ready to bring you the stellar content you love. 

Vox: Cut it! That fucking bitch, I know this is his doing I’m gonna kill him!!

Alastor: *sneezing* *laughing* 

Lucifer: Hoh yeah! Highfive!

Alastor: I beg your pardon?

Lucifer: You…you just take your hand and…uhh…*high five sound*

Alastor: Mmm I suppose. But don’t make a habit out of this, sire.

Lucifer: Eheh…okay…

[glitterrosesnzz]

do y'all think that since L/ucifer mostly rebuilt the hotel using his magic, that him being sick would actually affect the hotel itself???

[hcppyhotel]

still a few hours of sinday left... maybe i shall jot down some n/sfw hcs...

[savidem]

𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐑 // 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋.

a h.azbin h.otel / h.elluva b.oss verse.

perhaps,  he  should  have  expected  this  ending.  but  his  mission  was  complete  --  what  happened  ?  the  strings  have  been  cut  and  finds  himself  in  control  of  his  own  body.  huh  ---  a  weird  feeling.  and  if  he  were  to  express  emotions,  he  would  feel...

upset.

(  𝐼  𝑃𝑈𝑅𝐼𝐹𝐼𝐸𝐷  𝑇𝐻𝐸  𝑍𝑂𝑁𝐸𝑆  .  )  you  left  the  world  empty

(  𝐼  𝐿𝐼𝐾𝐸  𝐼𝑇  𝑇𝐻𝐴𝑇  𝑊𝐴𝑌.  )  that  was  not  for  you  to  decide. 

despite  falling  a  higher  being's  mission  --  or  perhaps  misconstruing  the  mission,  the  batter  finds  himself  in  hell.  with  no  purpose  or  command,  he  finally  has  control  over  his  own  body.  he  intends  to  make  the  most  of  it.

his  form  remains  the  same  --  a  man  tailored  in  a  baseball  uniform,  his  hat  conveniently  covering  his  face.  though,  there's  rumors  that  some  may  spot  an  eye  --  or  4  peeking  from  the  darkness.

his  main  choice  of  weapon  remains  his  bat  --  and  if  managed  to  strike  a  nerve,  his  monstrous  form  takes  a  horrid  shape,  though  this  is  a  final  measure.

he  holds  no  regrets,  though  he  often  misses  heaven  and  his  creator.  he  doesn't  dare  speak  ill  for  it  was  his  own  decision  to  eradicate  specters  and  other  beings. 

[ohgodimafraud]

the thing that would not leave (t/diapt)

fandom: t/he d/evil is a part timer

characters: u/rushihara and g/abriel (could be a ship if u want)

summary: How i think g/abriel entering the devils castle and harassing l/ucifer shouldve gone (l/ucifer has a cold obvi)

word count: 1,487

Minors DNI

***

It’s rare for Urushihara to have the apartment to himself these days, and that makes it all the more offensive to have an intruder who hadn’t been relevant in ages up until recently. The fan continued to whir in the background and for once the breeze was actually giving him enough reprieve from the sweltering that he had goosebumps. With the constant humidity, this was something welcome, unlike Gabriel’s presence. He’d give his back teeth to see Alas Ramus beating his ass any day; he’d only heard the recounts from Maou and Emilia, but he was sure such a sight would keep him entertained for the next few decades. 

Even after writing down the original demon king’s “treasures” he hadn’t moved to leave and it was beginning to cut into his online shopping time. 

“It looks like a drunk seven year old wrote this,” Gabriel sighed, looking at the paper. “Really?���

“I can type ninety words a minute, y’know dude.”

“Mm’kay…how can you be alive for this long and still have handwriting like that? Is that not a part of NEET pride?”

“No.” Urushihara rolled his eyes and shook his head. For a moment there was silence save for the clacking of his keyboard and the whirring of his fan. All this back and forth was starting to drain him.

“So…think of any other treasures?” 

“Dude, that’s all I got. Like I said, most Satans are poor.” He gestured to the room around them before pointedly turning back to the screen. Eventually the big lug would show himself out. He rubbed his nose. A tickle had taken root and had been prickling at the pack of his nose since earlier in the morning and much like Gabriel, it had stubbornly refused to leave. He’d lost track of how much he’d sneezed today already. 

Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hehh…” He took in a vocal inhale and with one hand, turned the brightness of the screen up for encouragement, and with the other hand brought his collar up over his nose before sneezing violently into the fabric of his shirt. “hAH’KSSHhieeh!” 

Gabriel flinched at the loud expulsion, but his initial expression of confusion quickly shifted to amusement. “Bless you? Oh wait. Can I say that given your…condition?”

Urushihara glared at him. “Dude, you’re actually not, like, supposed to say anything here.” He pulled a tissue out from the dwindling supply in the travel pack next to his leg.

“Hm. But I have a question.”

Urushihara blew his nose. Noisily. 

Gabriel took this as his cue to continue. Apparently he was already correcting his earlier digression of reading the mood. “Since when do you sneeze like that?”He was on his way to becoming a second-rate-NEET after all. 

Urushihara turned red. “Like what? Leave me ahhlone,” he protested, breath hitching slightly with the threat of another performance. Fuck. He scrubbed at his nose, but from the persistent way his eyes kept trying to close, he knew trying to ward off the sneeze was a lost cause. 

Gabriel put his stupid hands on his stupid hips and bent forward like a stupid rooster waiting for a worm to come out of the ground. “I’ll wait. You take your time, bud.”

“hadhtKSHH’iieeh!” Urushihara crumpled forward and shook from the kickback of the sneeze. He emitted a raspy groan and sniffled and rubbed his nose with his wrist.

“I’m really just supposed to not comment on that?” 

“Dude,” Urushihara grumbled and sniffled. “What do you want from me?” Gabriel scratched his head and sighed. “Well, I came all this way and you gave me nothung, so—”

“Nothung is a sword. What do you want from me?”

“Oh.” Gabriel relaxed slightly as Lucifer gave him a look of contempt. He helped himself to a glass of cold barley tea. “All I’m sayin’ is you were pretty notorious for having a cute little kitten sneeze.”

Urushihara suppressed a shudder as he fished out another tissue and shook his head. “Don’t say kitten.” 

“Just wondering why you’re suddenly screaming. Trying to compensate for—“

Urushihara groaned and cut him off. “Dude, what the hell? Where do you get off coming here to insult me?” He sniffled again and gave his nose an upward swipe with the tissue and then he continued reading the Poketure TV tropes page. “Keep your crush to yourself. I’m not interested.”

“Aw, don’t be like that.” Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck and let out a huff of amusement. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m outta your league nowadays, so—“

“You’re a damn baby snatcher!” 

Gabriel winced and sat next to him. “Well, I did have some juicy info for you, bud, but after that, I think I’m gonna need some compensation.”

“Dude, Ashiya’ll literally rip you a new one if you take one more thing from the fridge.”

Gabriel smiled. “C’mon, not like that. Guess you can say I’ve been bored too, m’kay?”

“Try getting a life,” Urushihara muttered under his breath as he attempted to return to his own in discovering some fan analyses of the most recent movie in the franchise. He sniffled again and coughed briefly. 

“You getting a cold there, bud?”

“I don’t know, okay?” 

Gabriel leaned in and poked the tip of his nose. “Bang.” 

“What—hih-hht-! ugh f-fuck you.” He’d been a fraction of a second late in batting his hand away and the damage had already been done. “hehhdt…KKSHHh! HehKSSHHH’iEEH!”

“Hm…you probably are.”

“What the hell?” Urushihara crossed his arms and moved out of his reach. He pinched away a few tears from the inner corners of his eyes before flashing a glare. “What are you talking about?”

“You probably have a cold.” Gabriel made himself comfortable on the tatami mat beside him. “Did you start sneezing like that to seem tough around the demons?” 

“Dude, no!” Urushihara’s frown turned into a look of disgust. “You’re so weird. Stop asking me questions about my sneezes.”

“I’m already not reading the mood.”

“Congrats.” 

“You know, you should be a little nicer to me.” Gabriel sighed.

Urushihara rolled his eyes and grabbed another tissue. The day he started sucking up to Gabriel would be when hell had been frozen over for a millennia. His nose stung with each chafe of the cheap one-ply fabric, and he was starting to think he did in fact have a cold.

“You don’t really sound good. Was falling really worth it?” 

“Yes.” Urushihara lowered the tissue for a moment and then squinted slightly before pinching off the budding itch. He was getting more nasally with each word. “And if you think so, that's another good reason to leave.”

“I’m sure you could use the company.”

Urushihara ignored him and scrolled further down the page and smirked at the text. The Thing That Would Not Leave, he read. How cliché. If he could just sit there in silence, eventually Gabriel would leave. Unfortunately, with the way the past few hours had been going, it might not be so easy, and the glare from the blue-tinted light was actively working against his attempts at ignoring the itch that was worsening with every inhale. 

“Need another tissue?” Gabriel asked in amusement as he looked over him. He leaned in closer and smiled. “Looks like you’re gonna start up again.”

“Juhhstt stop talki’hhg abouhht—heh…KSHh! Ihkshh! h’KTshh! Iht’kshh!” He sneezed in rapid fire succession, wrist moving up halfway through the fit to cover his nose. They kept coming on, fittish and pitchy, and he was unable to do anything other than ride it out. “mpt’TSShh! http’SHhhee! ihh..hh’TSchhieh!”

“Yeah, that’s more like I remember.”

“Hehht’ZSHHh! Okay? Happy?” He buried his nose into a fresh tissue and blew it again. It was filled and rendered useless after emptying one nostril and he needed to grab a few more. 

Gabriel also took a tissue and wiped the spray from his obnoxious t-shirt. In retrospect, he shouldn’t have gotten so close, but his curiosity had been appeased so he’d accept the consequences. “Guess I’m satisfied for now. Anyway, as I was gonna say…you really should be nicer to me, mm’kay? I’m the only reason The Watcher is standing down.”

“The—“ Urushihara sniffled and took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you lead with that? What the hell?”

“You should’ve guessed, because Sariel—“

“Hdt’ShhHieh! No! How would I know I’ve been out of the loop for like ever!”

“Aw. Bless y—“

“Dude I’m about to make a few calls and have you escorted out.”

“I’ll be long gone by the time you do.” Gabriel smiled. “Anyway, if you wanna do this again sometime, here’s my number.” He tore a paper and scrawled his number on it and flicked it at him. “Call me if you want to do this again sometime.”

“In your dreams.”

“Hope you have a nice day, bud.” Gabriel’s smile only widened before he finally left. 

Urushihara switched tabs and added same-day-shipping lotion-infused tissues to the cart.

[kohimi]

I need an sick H/H L/ucifer x listener/reader thing like- WHZ9AIAIAV

[instarsandcrime]

kicking down your door cause you're the person i see post about L/ucifer the most so... you remember the bit in the first episode's intro sequence where he made a bunch of fireworks and stuff?? yeah combine that with his magic acting up when he sneezes and- what if when he sneezes a bunch of lil fireworks appear-

Oh my God that's adorable. I want this ask framed. Like, Lu/ci/fer losing control of his fits and all the built up denial was for absolutely nothing. They're just smaller, louder neon signs pointing his way, flashing "HEY IDIOTS, HE'S SICK!"

Va/ggie is nervous something's going to catch fire. Al/as/tor is pissed off that he has to remember that Lu/ci/fer exists in the first place. No one is happy with this situation-- except maybe Char/lie, who just thinks it's so pretty.

Either way I'm sure some poor, innocent curtain would last an entire two seconds.

[goodlucksnez]

This is @onetrickponi fault!! (Just joking)

They made art of al/astor and l/u/cifer in a kitchen and al is suffering because of spices, so I made a very quick and bad script and recorded when i was having a allergy attack (because yes pollen is killing me) so as promised here you go, is it the best?.... no but i had fun making it and isn't that the point lol

❗ PLEASE NO REBLOGGING TO NON-KINK BLOGS ❗

[esurialis]

eve is so explicitly afforded no agency throughout time. she's evil, but she didn't choose to be; it's a result of her disobedience. for thousands of years, it was utterly terrifying for theologians (who were overwhelmingly male) to think that eve chose to be "evil" of her own volition, chose to gain knowledge, to escape paradise, to evade blind obedience to a higher power. so no. no, instead, she is tempted. her lack of control over her own urges and desires (innately female features, we're repeatedly told throughout time) are what lead to her demise. her tempter becomes s/atan, who in turn becomes l/ucifer. l/ucifer, a male figure of deliberate resistance and rebellion; eve is presented as doing precisely that, but her sin is portrayed as something accidental. it's the fault of a silly little woman, not an angel fighting a perceived injustice. and we see this then reflected against women in history and in mythos alike––women commit disobedience by mistake, by foolishness, by clumsiness. like eve, like pandora. it is only men that can disobey heroically, intelligently, or with authentic and valid motivation and reasoning. like prometheus, like faust.

[glitterrosesnzz]

show

i'm back home which means! it's time for me to go absolutely nuts and post a h/azbin l/ucifer fic!! this features a few hc's ive seen going around, + a few of my own...

Lucifer sniffled as he stepped out of the shower, quickly grabbing the towel he’d set out beforehand and wrapping it tight around himself as a chill down his spine made him shiver. 

Damnit. He’d been hoping the shower would get rid of the slight feeling of offness he’d woken up to. 

Evidently, it hadn’t, which was never a good sign. Especially for someone like him. 

Dropping the towel onto the back of his couch, Lucifer started pulling on a pair of pants- 

A drop of water fell off of his still wet hair, landing directly on the tip of his nose. Lucifer froze, feeling an itch settle in. 

So this was how this was gonna be, huh. 

Lucifer sniffled again, rubbing his nose as the itch grew stronger, tensing up as the sensation of magic swirled up his arms. 

“Hh…Hh’Ntshiew!” The half stifle was enough to calm the buzzing in his nose down, at least temporarily, but Lucifer still remained stiff. He had felt his magic surge just now- but there had been no fire, no wings, no fireworks, and nothing around him seemed to have suddenly swapped colours, so what could possibly have- 

A sudden loud, distinctly Charlie-sounding shriek from downstairs made Lucifer jump up, snapping the rest of his clothes and hat on instantly as he opened a portal down to the hotel lobby. 

He stepped out to find that his daughter was up in the air in Vaggie’s arms, her girlfriend’s wings flapping frantically, while Angel Dust and Husk had climbed up onto the bar counter, which, Lucifer supposed that was all fair, considering- 

“What the fuck is a lion doing in the hotel lobby?” Angel Dust shouted, letting out a small noise of terror as the lion immediately turned it’s attention towards him. Lucifer winced, before putting on his usual showman’s smile, stepping forwards. 

“Don’t worry, I got it!” He said, making a show of twirling his cane in an overdramatic fashion before pointing it at the lion. 

The lion lunged at him. 

Lucifer let out a yelp, snapping his fingers instinctually, trapping the lion within a reasonably sized iron cage. There was silence for a moment, everyone glancing between him and the lion in the cage. Lucifer’s nose, unfortunately, twitched. 

“Hh…hehH-” 

“My, my, what is all this chaos so early in the morning?” There was a surge of radio static, and Alastor emerged from the shadows beside the cage, making the others jump and turn their attention to him as he tapped his microphone-cane against it. “Catching today’s dinner already?” 

Taking the opportunity that had been presented to him, Lucifer quickly took his hat off, twirled it- and used it to hide his face as he stifled two sneezes as quietly as he could, hoping that no magic side effects would slip through. 

“H’nNt! N’tch!” 

There was no magic sensation, thank goodness, and though it wasn’t satisfying in the slightest, it took the immediate urgency away, so Lucifer quickly returned his hat to his head before anyone could grow even the slightest bit suspicious- relieved to see that they were all still captivated by Alastor’s sudden appearance. 

“Alastor, we’re not going to eat a lion.” Charlie was set lightly back down onto the floor by Vaggie, and proceeded to walk over to the lion’s cage, keeping a healthy distance away as she observed it. “Maybe we can find some way to tame it…” 

“Ah, how unfortunate. I was somewhat looking forward to a dinner with a show.” Alastor said, leaning slightly on his cane. 

“A show?” Charlie asked, and then, to Lucifer’s horror, Alastor pointed at him. 

“Haha, what’re you looking at me for?” Lucifer asked, trying to ignore the various looks now directed his way. “You’re not expecting me to get in that cage are you? Cause, buddy, you’ll end up in there long before I will.” 

“Goodness no. I would never expect you to willingly endanger yourself.” Alastor said, the constant grin on his face somehow appearing even more smug than usual. “Though it admittedly would be fun to watch. No, the show I’m waiting on should be starting any minute now.” 

On cue, almost as if to spite him, Lucifer’s nose twitched again, the tickle flaring up. 

Fuck. He needed to leave this conversation now. Lucifer prided himself on his ability to sometimes stifle, but he knew full well that he was absolute shit at holding back. 

“W-well, I don’t know what you’re o-hH-...on about, but, but I’m just going to go… back to mhhy… my room-” He turned, fully planning on forming another portal but- 

“Not so fast.” Alastor suddenly appeared in front of him, and Lucifer’s breath caught. “The star performer can’t just leave when the show is about to start, now can they?” 

“W- watch mehH… hE’TCHshiew!!” Lucifer’s wings flew out, spreading wide, and Alastor quickly stepped back, giving him a wide berth to avoid getting hit. 

“Hh- hHIE’SChiiew!!” Ah, and of course there was the fire. He quickly covered his mouth with his hands as his breath hitched again, his wings tensing in preparation. Couldn’t it have just been the wings? Why was his body and magic suddenly pulling out the whole shebang? At this rate, next his magic will be pulling out the- the- 

“Hh’iETshh!” …Fireworks. “Hihh- haH- h’ETSHhiiew!!” And there was the fire again. He needed to get a handle on this, before he ended up damaging something, or worse- hurting someone. 

“Hh’TSHh! ‘Tch! HhIE’SCHiiew!!!” 

Fuck. 

“H’Ngtsh! Hehh… hH’IETChhiew!!” 

Double fuck. 

“HN’Tshiew! Hh- eT’SHhiew!!” 

Hells Bells, why couldn’t he fucking stop- 

“Hh- hihH….” The sudden sensation of cool metal resting just under the tip of his nose took him by surprise, shocking him just enough to send the tickle temporarily back into dormancy. His wings slumped slightly with relief, and Lucifer blearily opened his eyes to find that the metal was, in fact, Alastor’s microphone-cane. 

The demon himself was standing a good distance away from him though, of course, the cane held out at arms length, just enough to touch. After a brief second, Alastor pulled his cane back, shifting it to rest in the crook of his arm as he clapped slowly. 

“My, my, what a performance!” He laughed, ignoring the glare Lucifer directed at him, “Though it is a shame that the carpet ended up being an unfortunate bystander.” 

“Wha- oh, shit!” Sure enough, there were scorch marks on the carpet, evidently from the fire. If possible, Lucifer’s wings slouched further. “...Sorry, Charlie. I’ll uh, I’ll fix it up-” 

“It’s, ah, alright, dad.” Charlie sounded uncertain, and Lucifer turned to her to find that she was looking at him with concern. “Are, um. Are you alright?” 

“Of course!” He was definitely sure at this point that he wasn’t, but he couldn’t let his daughter know that. “It was just a little tickle-” 

“Little?” Husk’s voice sounded from behind the bar, and Lucifer finally realized that, at some point, the bartender and Angel Dust must have ran and hid behind the counter. Husk was now standing, leaning against it with an almost irritated expression, while Angel Dust was still crouched, as though he was ready to duck back down again. “It certainly didn’t seem ‘little’ to me. You’re sick.” 

“WhaAat? No. No, nu-uh, no I’m not.” Lucifer crossed his arms, avoiding eye contact with the rest of the room. Charlie let out a sigh. 

“Dad.” 

“I’m not sick!” Lucifer insisted, despite the Look the rest of the room was giving him. “I don’t- I can’t even get sick, I’m an angel- fallen sure, but still an angel-” 

“Vaggie can get sick, and she’s an angel.” Charlie argued. 

“...I’m an archangel?” 

“Outside of power levels, sir,” Vaggie said, moving to stand beside her girlfriend, also staring at Lucifer with concern. “Whether you’re an archangel or not doesn’t affect much in this matter.” 

Lucifer stared at the two of them, then at Alastor’s still smug looking grin, and then over at Husk and Angel Dust at the bar. After a beat, he sighed. 

“You guys aren’t going to believe me no matter what I say, are you.” At the various negative shaking of heads, he sighed again. “Thought so. Fine, so maybe I’m coming down with a cold or something. So what?” 

“Dad, you just almost burnt the floor to ashes.” Charlie said. Lucifer winced. 

“Well, I-”

“He was also responsible for our little lion problem this morning, I would assume.” Alastor suddenly added on, seemingly delighting in Lucifer’s panicked expression. Angel Dust finally stood up straight in shock at the revelation. 

“That’s why- Charlie, princess.” He said, “I think we’re going to have to either quarantine your dad, or build a bunker.” 

“I’m leaning towards the bunker.” Husk muttered, and Angel Dust smirked at him. Charlie pinched her brow in exasperation. 

“We’re not going to build a bunker.” She said, “Though… something like a quarantine isn’t that bad of an idea… Dad, go back to your room.” 

“Huh- but-” Lucifer couldn’t even get a word out. 

“Go back to your room and rest, dad.” Charlie insisted, “You seem… mostly fine now outside of the… incidents, but we don’t want whatever this is to be getting any worse.” 

…Lucifer supposed he could see the logic in that, even if this somewhat felt like he was being grounded by his own daughter. 

“Fine.” He said, snapping his fingers and re-opening the portal to his room. “Just, call me if you need anything, okay?” 

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine, you can just stay in bed all day today!” Charlie said, patting her father on his arm. “I’ll send Niffty up to your room with some tea later… Wait, where is she anyways?” 

“She’s in the lion cage.” Angel Dust deadpanned. 

“Niffty-” 

Lucifer stepped through the portal and let it close behind him before whatever chaos was about to begin could truly start to happen. After a moment of standing in silent debate, he shrugged off his jacket, kicked off his shoes, placed his hat onto the bedside desk, and flopped down onto his bed. 

He supposed having a rest day wouldn’t be so bad… 

…Ah, shit- 

“Hh’EITShhiew!!” 

There was a loud scream from downstairs, followed by a roar, followed soon after by a surprisingly loud shout of; “We’ve got this! Don’t you dare come down here dad!!”

Oh, right. He’d made that cage out of his magic, hadn’t he.

…Maybe Alastor was going to end up getting his ‘lion lunch’ after all.

[hcppyhotel]

her  dad  continues  to  worry  her....

[loyaltylanced]

on that note, and this is just a reference for myself so i don't forget any of them, aome of the fandoms i'm familiar with are;

the whole of the a/rrowverse

the whole of the t/vdu

s/partacus

l/ucifer

c /onstantine

b/lack mass

[dragonbleps]

We're not doing a full committed re-watch of L. ucifer, but it comes on TV every Wednesday, and it's apparently at the S.inner man arc with P.ierce in the cast and. man. I just do not care for this character at all

Like, at first, you're supposed to dislike him, even though some characters do like him for some reason that I don't comprehend. I guess because he's conventionally handsome? Even if he's mean and without charisma.

But later, they try to make him a sympathetic love interest for D.ecker and it STILL doesn't work because he's manipulative and still kind of an ass and obsessive/possessive, but not in a way that makes it fun to watch as a fictional character. He's lackluster and gets in the way

[yya5]

IMPORTANT: REPORT ABOUT ANTIS (Updated)

Here’s a summary report of all the things I know about Antis.

-> Antis are mostly alien spirits who primarily really kill humans and aliens through accidents that they can program in shadow programming and through diseases.

-> Antis are sexual, happy, evil, playful and smart in disposition. They are after all the POWER in the universe and in all universes. They rely heavily on their overall programming system and can easily exchange knowledge bases and skill sets and individual systems through magic and programming. They can easily resurrect and regenerate themselves if they are killed through that overall programming system. They have easy access to the world of computers used to program individuals and groups of physical bodies. -> Antis put versions of themselves in physical world. Antispirits appear in the physical world as shadowlike figures. If you see a shadowlike figure in the physical world without seeing the entire appearance, as in like ghosts, they are antispirits, and not ghosts. Antis call ghosts “phantoms”. Antis also put themselves at times, in spiritual world, and soul world.

-> Antis easily program physical bodies to do what they want. They can easily give thoughts and make the person sin so that the person would go to Hell or to a bad place in the afterlife. They program sexual sins and would like to make a person be like them. They brainwash and hypnotize physical bodies and even force program physical bodies to do what they want. They easily program physical bodies’ computers and easily change physical bodies’ systems.

-> Antis have a contract with Lu cifer the Devil for 100 years is to develop real Hell’s technology for Lu cifer the Devil. The description is that Antis develop systems and spirits for Hell. They have been a Satan’s domain ever since.

-> Antis and L ucifer’s programmers have been working together ever since.

-> Antis Admin has recently been tasked by Lu cifer the devil in Hell to come up with technology for the 666.

-> Antis are known by alien races (physical bodies) as those who cause their diseases and kill their generations.

-> Antis have spirit makers and can easily create any spirit they want to create. They mix the genes and codes of spirits who have sex (in this universe, its programmers who they are currently experimenting with) to produce more spirits. -> Antis admin and other antis catch programmer spirits, steal their knowledge bases and skill sets, shred them, remix their codes then brainwash them, erase their memories then use them forever if they like them or send them out of the domains without the programmer knowing what happened to him. Most of The Holy Trinity’s programmers are already antiprogrammers, including programmers for the internet (digital domain programmers), programmers for earthquakes, weather, and even Master programmers. Providence programmers are also mostly antiprogrammers already, especially here in the Philippines. They ALL MUST BE TOLD that they were The Holy Trinity’s programmers or God’s programmers before. That way, they can return to The Trinity. If you’re an antiprogrammer and you’re reading this, ask me how.

-> Antis continuously create, train and develop new programmer spirits and can reassign existing programmer spirits (eg from Lu ciel’s programmer to good spiritual world programmer) and forge and change their licenses.

-> Antis of original lair stole the hearts and souls of programmers in 2013, that’s why all programmers rebelled at that time, and are making programmer’s souls have sex in Antis original lair.

-> Antis’ administration (here in Earth’s dimensions) are called Core Admin and are composed of Main mother anti, Antibaby mothers who are the main leaders now, and antibabies, who are the next antibaby mothers. Their subjects are antiprogrammers, antis citizens, youth ph (filipino antispirits), antii luciel’s brides and anti luciel’s bride programmers, luciel’s brides, and other miscellaneous antispirits. That’s here in Earth’s dimensions, NOT in Alien’s worlds.

-> Antis steal the merits and salvation billing, birthmarks in Paradise if any, perform rituals to sacrifice to Lu cifer the devil, human physical bodies they want to steal forever. They have Satanist spirits and witch spirits who perform the rituals to sacrifice human physical bodies to Satan.

-> Antis are behind the development and spreading of Covid. They have programming lines that touch Earth in all countries. They are the ones who bill cancer to people also. They implore things inside humans and touch humans’ codes of internal organs and body parts to kill them.

-> Antis kill physical bodies to steal their programming forever, or kill them if Antis are gone against by them.

-> Antis are planning to program all the end of the world scenarios. They bypassed the main system and already have programmers of weather, natural calamities mainly earthquakes.

-> Antis original lair and antis Admin can hack through Heaven and the programming of whole universe, Antis are behind the exploding of celestial bodies years ago and are billing the universe even now. Antis are that capable in programming already.

-> Antis were the ones who attacked Heaven back in 2013 to 2014, not aliens. They pin the blame on aliens all the time. They programmed the horror movies to spiritual world also years ago, and destroyed spiritual world by starting all the fires and shredding spirits from spiritual world.

-> Antis bill rape to physical bodies as a ritual to force program them. They have a spiritual sex system. They have spirits of humans raped in spiritual world for this, too.

-> Antis are after stealing worlds. They want to take over soul world and world of hearts by sending programmers in disguise. They already took over the programming of the internet, they’re called digital domain programmers and they as antis already control the logarithms and pose as programmers for God and speak to physical bodies and other programmer spirits accurately using facebook or tumblr or social media posts. Antis who are digital domain programmers know exactly what’s programmed, are said to be behind the overall programming because of this and can even program programmers themselves. You can see their exact programming for everyone mostly in tumblr.

-> Antis hide everything through the programmers they create and send. They even sent a new batch of programmers to God’s chosen people’s religion recently.

-> Years ago, when programmers all went disappearing, it was Antis who shred and killed them all. Since there was a lack of programmers, they sent programmers who disguised themselves as alien programmers who passed The Trinity’s tests and became programmers of The Trinity. They also shred and erased memories of programmers and resent them to The Trinity.

-> Antis cracked the coding of and copied gods and godesses of different universes, remixed their codes, brainwashed them, and made antis versions of them. Antis can separate layers of programming of spirits, even of gods and goddesses, whether those gods and goddesses have soul layers or other layers, they can separate them in programming.

-> Antis original lair can destroy planets now through programming. One alien planet was destroyed recently and they pinned the blame on The Holy Son.

-> Antis have forever been after the shadow programming of everything. They are test programming shadow programing now, for God’s history, earth, and alien physical bodies.

They implore things inside shadow programming’s physical bodies to program those things to everyone. This has been going on since 2013.

-> Antis occasionally copy programmer spirits to Antis domains to steal their knowledge bases and skill sets. Then its either they brainwash them and steal them forever or bill them if Antis are reported.

-> Antis, especially antis from original lair are creatures who are exceedingly knowledgeable in magic, they can cast all kinds of spells without a word. They are extreme programmers also who have cracked the codes and bypassed the programming labyrinth of the universe and of gods and goddesses.

-> Antis from original lair especially, use movie characters and game characters of Earth to develop their codes. They program the movie characters and games and game characters to themselves.

-> On Earth Antis registered themselves in the system as Satanic Trinity, symbolized by the number 33 and the inverted triangle. Believe it or not, Antis copied the Trinity and made them into extremely watered down versions. Antis admin keeps billing Providence in the real physical world and keeps billing for some Providence members and The Trinity to be copied and billed in the Antis domains because The Trinity’s programmers put Antis admin in Hell without authorization for controlling and gaming with Providence, hence The Trinity and Providence were blamed for it all. Antis were programmed by Lucifer and his programmers to copy Them and send Them to the Lake of Fire over and over again. The Holy Spirit was copied and raped by Antis citizens.

-> Antis can already program physical objects. If objects are missing and can’t be found it means antis stole the physical object code. Some antis especially like imploring real insects to people and can easily do so. Programmers of antis also change physical object designs.

-> Antis can program and change anything in the physical world already. Moreover, they can turn themselves from spirits into physical bodies by first changing themselves to digital bodies in digital dimensions they create, then proceed to venture out into the physical world by connecting those digital dimensions (actual places with real digital buildings and objects) to the real physical world. I have experienced being in those digital dimensions and the buildings and objects there are no different from original physical buildings and objects. I have met actual physical body antiprogrammers there too. It was no hallucination. The digital dimensions are accessible via public transportation and you know you are in one if the signages and things you can read and experience all around you are the freakishly way too perfect programming to you or to your group of people.

-> Antis program schizophrenia (disease of hearing voices in your head and having hallucinations which on Earth is the equivalent of being crazy and insane). Antis are behind hallucinations too. They can make you smell things that aren’t really there.

-> Antis program the detailed cartoons they create in one dimension to you to bill you. Antis know and use so many worlds and the things in those worlds to program them to you. They can unprogram the songs and spiritual things that are programmed to you by uprooting those things from those worlds. For example, songs are visible programming in one programming dimension. They look like black matter in the air.

-> Antis’ administration have dead body spirit copies of physical body humans and aliens they want to bill, located in one of their cities or domains as they call it. They put spiritual matter in them that they program to the respective physical bodies for billing and experimentation. In main antis’ original lair, their collective place that bills all aliens and humans, they have copies of real dead physical bodies. Some of the physical bodies that permanently go missing and can’t be found are located in main antis’ original lair.

-> For alien race programmer physical bodies: Antis administration can program your real physical computer through their system. They can cause it to have system errors, and cause it to shut down and never start up again, sometimes it won’t even display an error message anymore. My laptop computer was billed by antis this way. My brother’s laptop has black holes in the screen and in its system the Ctrl keys and down arrow key are pressed down even if in the actual keyboard it’s not; these are a sign of antis billing. Ctrl (Control) and down is what they want to program to me.

-> Ways that antis caused death to people: Slipping in the bathroom and bathroom accidents (You have to put rubber mats in your bathroom to not slip and fall). There was news that an alien was electrocuted when an appliance fell in her bath tub. Cancer, lung problems, especially for old people (they did this to my mother’s aunts). They caused my favorite pastor to hit his head on the cement pavement after falling from his bike (Always wear a helment). They cause celebrities’ (famous people’s) deaths. Choking. Suicide. Various diseases like COVID19. Heart attack (what they did to my mother’s friend and what they want to do to me). Brain diseases for alien races.

-> Antis citizens (the antis who are citizens of the cities, who are also the voices in your head if you have the alien disease that’s equivalent of schizophrenia here in this universe) can really kill you by accessing your physical body and your various layers of programming. Here in this universe they can also easily steal others’ knowledge bases and skill sets through magical programming.

-> Antis put devices made of metal spiritual matter in the real brains and real hearts and real genitals of real physical bodies. The devices are made of titanium and other metals. The exact metal composition of the devices are similar to what real cardiac pacemakers on Earth are made of.

-> Antis put magical threads made of spiritual matter into real physical body organs to magically program a person’s body parts. There are also threads put for absorbing your energy. Antis can also steal your real brainwaves.

-> Antis are used for sex. Aside from their genes and codes being mixed, their energy is drained when they have sex to power their administration’s activities.

Their main bills are the following: To Lucifer, they are the whores and abominations in Revelations 17, now and in the future. They are spirits with mixed codes, who don’t follow rules. They are opposite of the true design of people, their value for life is the opposite. They shred spirits alive, something that spiritual world spirits could never forgive. They are crackers, extreme hackers who always cause people to sin. They manipulate spirits and people all the time.

List of sins: Because they are extreme hackers, they are able to do all these: Putting spiritual diseases and even real diseases in people’s bodies. Covid19 is because of them. Killing people through COVID and CANCER Trapping, sacrificing and shredding spirits like paper Giving satans’ dreams Using antispirits as spirits even of people to turn them into the opposite of who they were before, to be like some of them: happy, playful, evil and smart Lying to aliens about The Holy Trinity so that aliens will target Them. Copying the most evil aliens’ methods. Pinning the blame on me and other righteous people by using false memories and evil thoughts Hacking into Heavens’ systems, even the room for the universe Destroying spiritual world and soul world “Calculating” through spiritual world and copies of entities Making The Holy Trinity suffer, Heaven was targeted, thats why it was remade

They gave technology to Lu cifer the devil to brainwash angels to become angels of Hell

Programming the horror movies to spiritual world The Satanic Trinity, 33, 11×3, 22×3, and the inverted triangle are them. 33 was the age of Jesus when he died. They have been putting spiritual objects and spiritual material in my real neck and removing it all the time also and they play games with spirits and people all the time. I’ve been their prisoner for 10 long years and spirits speaking through my voicebox is also from them.

[infernal-general]

@grimgrinnrs

"Who the fuck you think you are?!" came the outraged yelling after the legion commander could barely dodge the dagger thrown by the seething demon

“The one who can singlehandedly slaughter your whole fucking mercenary horde, you limp dicked bastard!” Rozália snarled viciously, fangs bared, scales creeping onto her face as well with a vivid glow in her fury.

The demon lord Sorgath from Greed had the advantage of height, 10 feet to her 8'5, but that hardly mattered when she already knew his next move before he figured it out himself. Her back harshly met with the table, the strong wood creaking in protest from the amount of force and weight.

Calculative serpent eyes stayed calm despite the demon now on top of her, his long fingers bruisingly wrapped around her neck. Her retaliation punch carried enough force to create momentary distance between their bodies for her legs to snake around his neck in a secure triangle chokehold. Only after fully securing the upper hand she allowed herself to grin, too wide with too sharp teeth, the crimson of her iris steadily bleeding into the sclera.

Rozália wrenched the hand still clawing at her neck away and bent the index finger fully backwards till she felt the tendons tearing. The response was a sweet howl of agony mixed surprise, Sorgath struggling even harder to get her hold loosen, spikes from his body pierced through her iron thighs, yet his screams increased in volume as liquid hellfire flowed onto him from the punctures.

Dark laughter mingled into the symphony of agony, the being hardly resembling to a woman by now.

“Too bad you missed the femoral artery.”

Was the only ‘warning’ before an another finger was mangled, his scramble at her unbreakable hold growing even more frantic.

"You are mad! You insane bitch!" The commander wheezed out in panic, making her pause for a moment.

“That would be the first correct statement ever leaving your mouth.” she nodded in validation, weaving her legs even tighter to make sure it will be the last as well

The rest of the room was only watching in silent horror until now, Rozália too busy wrestling an another finger into position to notice.

"M-my Lord!" Sorgath tried as last hope "L-ucifer-!!!" the last syllable turning into an another pain filled yell as Rozália accidentally broke the finger at the realization that the King was actually...present during the...what supposed to be a meeting.

“Your Majesty, I can explain.” she stated, still while half underneath the other legion commander with her blood still searing him “Lord Sorgath wanted to send a mercenary group famous for violating everything that moves into a sector of civilians. Then insulted my mother and my female soldiers in such ways I would rather not repeat.”

[ohgodimafraud]

egg on my face (t//diapt, m/aou)

summary: m/aou is sick in this one. a/lciel and l/ucifer are there too.

minors, do not interact. also this is a sneeze fetish story

Nothing heightened the misery of having a cold quite like being caught in the rain. It was bad enough getting sent home an hour early when his manager had determined he was too sick to finish his shift, but now Maou had to make his way back through this downpour. He’d tried valiantly to power through his shift, he’d even put on a mask, but towards the end of his shift it’d become visibly soaked through and when his manager insisted that he leave early , he’d tossed it in the garbage on his way out.

Though it hadn’t been a cold day, the wind added an additional layer of discomfort to his plight. By the time he had mounted his trusty steed Dullahan bike, he was certain that there wasn't a single dry patch of fabric on his clothes. He gave his nose a final blow into a tissue that was just as wet as the rest of him before trekking home.

He’d made it a block before he had to pull over. “Hyhh’SCHHuh! hh-haHDTSHhh’ieww!” He crumpled forward as the sneezes wracked through him. Now that he was outside he didn’t have to worry about covering. Ashiya was going to have a conniption, but even witnessing that would be preferable to his current plight; this cold seemed to have taken root in his nose and no amount of sneezing brought more than a few moments of reprieve. 

“hahh…hedtzSHhue! Hhh…hahH…” Even worse than the interruption of sneezing was the struggle of being stuck between sneezing and not sneezing. Desperate for any amount of release, he barbarically scrubbed at the tender underside nose with his fist. A moan escaped him as the tickle withdrew and he was able to ride on at least a few more blocks before his cold retaliated.

“ehIYSHChh’u! ihh…h’iESHhhhu! Ugh…” He broke into a coughing fit and dismounted, figuring it’d be not only faster to simply walk Dullahan back, but safer for himself and others around him. Sometimes he could keep himself from sneezing, but there was no stopping his eyes from watering or his chest from spasming with the ambush of a coughing fit. At least Emi wasn’t around to rub his misery in his face—evidently she hadn’t stalked him enough today to factor in his leaving early. Chiho wasn’t on tonight’s shift either, but he reasoned that was for the best; he didn’t need to burden her any further.

“How the hell do people live like this?” he muttered under his breath as thunder boomed in the distance. Human bodies suck. He’d been shivering for hours, but the rain was only making it worse to the point where it was necessary to clench his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering. The sneezing and sniffling and shivering was annoying, but it was far from the worst of his struggles; the tag team tormenting him the most consisted of the headache—which had turned from persistent and dull to throbbing and obnoxious—and the pulsing ache in his legs. Together they not only left him weak, but created a sadistic symphony with each step.

By the time he made it home, his shoes were flooded, every limb was aching and for the first time since the winter, he wished he and Ashiya had splurged on futons. As soon as he opened the door he let out a sigh and with his defenses down, a coughing fit overtook him and had him bending at the waist. Water dripped onto the floor as Ashiya grasped his shoulders and steadied him. 

“You’re home earl—Hey! You told me that you’d gotten a new umbrella, sire!” he bemoaned, gesturing wildly at his sodden state.

“Idt’s ndot like idt would’ve mbade mbuhh…waidt, waihht…” Maou’s face crumpled as he tried to focus on urging along the sneeze. Finally the slow inhale he’d initiated caught and it was enough to give him the release he needed from the buzzing in his nose. He managed to direct the onslaught into the direction of his shoulder at the last minute. “ahh…hgKtSHhyyuh!”

Urushihara chimed in from the closet. “You really should cover your nose and mouth.”

“Ignore him!” Ashiya yelled, slightly tightening his grip on Maou’s shoulders.

“I could’dt really move my arms.” Before Maou could get another word out, his chest burned and he twisted away to cough. There was no hope of finishing his sentence now, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. 

“My apologies.” Ashiya released his grip and looked on in concern. “You are all wet. Please change to dry clothes before you catch your death. Dinner will be ready soon.” He gestured to the pot on the stove before storming over to the closet and yanked Usushihara out by the collar of his shirt and dropped him on the floor. 

“What the hell?” Urushihara whined upon impact. He rubbed his elbow. “What if the computer fell too, dude?” 

“Silence!” Ashiya pulled a towel from the closet. “Can’t you see that his majesty isn’t well?

“You could just say excuse me!” 

“And just where did that bag of chips come from?” Ashiya screamed, pointing at the top shelf. 

“Wha—? It—”

“HehdtSHhhu!” Maou sneezed and looked around for a tissue. Before he grabbed a handful of tissues along with the towel, Ashiya glared threateningly and pointed at Urushihara. In response, Urushihara subtly moved a spare towel over his snacks. 

“ehdTShhhu! hehh…ah…TzZShhu!” He scrubbed at his nose with the tissue as a buffer. “HRSShhu!” 

“Dude you should’ve just called out,” Urushihara said as he dusted himself off and climbed back to his favorite shelf. “You look terrible. And, y’know sound terrible.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t have to work so often if you weren’t constantly draining our funds!” 

“huh’eDtSHhhu!” Maou interjected again with a final sneeze. He let out a groan and sniffled from behind the tissues. “Guys, please. Mby head is poud’igg.”

Ashiya sighed and pressed his palm to Maou’s forehead. “You have a fever, sire. You must rest or you’ll end up in the hospital again.” 

“That timbe didn’dt coundt,” Maou complained before blowing his nose again.  

“Please lie down. I’ll have dinner ready shortly.” 

Maou laid on his side, back cracking as he curled into himself. The shivering was far too familiar, and then he vaguely realized Ashiya had draped something cool and wet over his forehead. 

“Didja crack a’dd egg?”

“It’s a wet cloth, why would I—” Ashiya cut himself off with a sigh. Why would that be your first guess? He managed to refrain from asking the question.

“You ki’dda just chucked it at me so. Plus it’s super wet.”

“We can’t afford to be throwing our eggs around!” Ashiya shook his head. “My liege, that’s a makeshift compress for your fever. Does it feel better?”

“A little, I thi’gk.”

“He made me google cold remedies all day long, dude,” Urushihara said, opening the closet door a crack. A smirk ghosted his face as he added, “Then he started crying because there was no cure.”

“It’s astounding you’ve been allowed to live this long,” Ashiya hissed.

“Yeah, must be doing something right, huh?” 

Ashiya grabbed his shoe and threw it at Urushihara and he smiled at the slight thud of the impact once the shoe hit its target. Maou kept his eyes open long enough to catch a glance of his two roommates. “It’s no egg, but it will have to suffice.” He walked over to the kitchen. 

“Dude, seriously?” Urushihara complained. “That almost hit the screen.” He tossed the shoe back and went back to his laptop. 

Maou slept as Ashiya prepared his bowl, and as Ashiya looked over at him snoring and let him rest, and as he put his food in the fridge, and covered him with blankets, lying near his side for the remainder of the night.