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wroteclassicaly · 1 year ago

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I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | S.H.

Warnings: hurt/no comfort, angst, sad ending, allusions to cheating, heartbreak, break up, King!Steve, popular!reader, poorly proofread

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!cheerleader!reader | Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler

Summary: Steve is slipping through your fingers and you desperately hold onto him not realizing that his heart isn't yours anymore.

Word count: 2k

Note: This is only the preview, I wanted to see how this will do before I write the actual story! @take-everything-you-can thank you for listening to my ideas and helping with more!

The red wine is seeping through his shirt, staining his soft skin with it’s stickiness. He clumsily tries to wipe it off with a random cloth he found in some Tommy's bathroom, as though it would help, as though he could undo it, as though the redness hasn’t already stained too much of the blue material.

He is mumbling incoherent words under his breath.

You roll your eyes, reaching for the cloth in his hands, “it’s not coming off, Steve–”

“It’s coming,” he mumbles, drunkenly.

You sigh, walking around him, you put the cloth on the counter and reach out to him, cupping his cheeks, “come on, just let me take you home.”

“Why don’t you go home?”

He looks down at you with a look in his eyes that you aren’t familiar with. He furrows his brows as he looks into your eyes, searching for something that he won’t find in your eyes, ever.

You are scared of it, you are scared of him, of what he feels, of what changed. You act like you don’t know what changed, you act like you are clueless, you act like you are unaware of everything that’s been going on behind your back. But you know everything.

You know that Steve isn’t who you want him to be.

He is King Steve and you are the queen of Hawkins High– you didn’t give that title to yourself, you never would, in a way it’s humiliating to you that people claim you to be some sort of queen, some mere girl that people look up to for some reason. You are nothing but a simple girl and Steve is nothing but a simple guy but unlike you, he loves the attention, especially the one he gets from all the girls, the ones that make him feel desired. You always hated the way he flirted with them even when he was already with you– he said he only did it because of Tommy and the other guys from the team, they always encouraged him to flirt with them. You didn't understand it, you would never do that to him. His flirtations were only halfhearted and he never actually did anything but it did nothing to make you feel better. Still, you stayed with him because you loved him and because you knew that he only did it for show, to keep his stupid reputation for King Steve up.

After all he did only have eyes for you. Only you were allowed to see sides of him that no one else saw, only you got lingering looks, soft touches and even softer kisses, only you got to lay in his arms and listen to the beat of his heart, only you were his girl, his only girl. Only you got all the I love you's.

He took you out on dates, he gave you flowers, he kissed you in his car, in downtown bars, behind the school, in his room, in your room. He made you happy like no one else did.

You were his first love, you had hoped that you would be his only love but then she came along and his love for you was just gone. You didn't even see it coming.

When he suddenly stopped flirting with every girl that batted her lashes at him, you had hoped that he finally stopped caring about what his friends thought, you had hoped that he was finally ready to show everyone that he wasn’t like that, that he wasn’t some playboy who needed more than his girlfriend to keep him interested and satisfied but that was simply too much to wish for. You were a fool for considering that in the first place.

His eyes strayed away from you weeks ago, he had set his eyes on her, the girl that stole him and his heart away from you like it was nothing.

Nancy Wheeler.

The pretty freshman who was assigned to be his partner in some stupid history project.

You knew that he was gone the moment he stopped calling you every night just to hear your voice before going to bed, you knew that his love had started to vanish when even after the project was over, he kept canceling or even forgetting date nights, you knew that his heart wasn’t yours anymore when you caught him staring at her with a look in his eyes that you wished to see when he looked at you.

He isn’t yours anymore but you still hold onto him because he is still here, right in front of you and he puts his hand around your wrists, not hers. He looks into your eyes, not hers. But he doesn’t look at you with love or adoration in his eyes, no. He looks at you with something– with nothing. There is nothing in his eyes and you can already feel yourself growing sick because you know that this is it. You knew this was coming, you knew this would happen eventually, he will leave you, for her.

You don’t know what happened between them, if anything happened at all, you don’t know if he crossed that line yet, he did emotionally but did he physically? You are not sure.

Your heart begins to pound in your chest, the sound of the music outside is too loud, even when you are stuck in this bathroom with your very drunk boyfriend who is about to shatter your heart into tiny little pieces, you still hear the music and it’s hurting your ears. Your throat tightens and your vision blurs. You feel like you are suffocating.

“W-Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask, not even recognizing your own voice, it’s so shaky and so far away.

Steve frowns, he shakes his head a little as he keeps looking at you. His eyes flicker down to your cheeks, to your nose that he used to kiss every time he would say goodbye, your lips that are trembling from the fear that is running through your body, he holds your wrists tighter as he looks back into your tear filled eyes.

What is he doing?

You step closer to him, blinking those tears away, you whisper his name, begging and pleading with your eyes. You love him. You love him so much.

He says your name. Not baby, not honey, not babe, not princess. He says your name.

“L-Let’s go home, okay?” You mumble shakily, tearing your eyes away from his, “let’s just go home together.”

"Together?" He slurs as he stumbles forward a little, you steady him by grabbing his waist, “yeah, you wanted to stay with me, remember?”

“I-I don’t wanna stay with you, I don’t wanna be with– with you,” he mumbles, closing his eyes, he sighs. You smell the alcohol in his breath, the wine on his shirt and it makes you feel nauseous. He grabs your shoulders and suddenly his touch is too much, knowing that it’ll be the last time he touches you.

“W-What do you mean?”

He is too drunk to see how scared you really are, how hurt you truly are. He is too much of a fool to see anything.

“You heard me,” he says as he gets closer to your face, “I don’t want to be with you,” he spits.

You draw back, furrowing your brows and holding your breath as you feel your heart dropping to your stomach, of course you weren’t prepared for this even though you saw it coming.

“Why not?”

He looks bad, his hair is messy from all the tugging all night, his eyes are red rimmed and he has dark circles beneath them, like he had been up all night, his eyes are filled with so many things yet none at all, right now, you don’t recognize him.

He is gripping your shoulders tightly, you wish it’s because he is afraid to let you go.

“I’m not in love with you anymore.”

And just like that, with a few simple words, he broke your heart.

Steve Harrington, the man you gave your heart to so willingly, despite your friends warning you about him, despite all the warning signs, you gave him your heart and you never regretted it, not even now that he had crushed it with his bare hands. He was your Steve. He was.

Steve awaits a reaction from you. He expects you to break down, to slap him, to push him away from you, to ask why but you don’t. In fact, you don’t give him a reaction at all, you just nod at his words, somehow managing to keep the tears from falling, your trembling lip tells him that you do want to cry though but you don’t.

The bile rises in your throat, you want to throw up, you want to fall to your knees and puke your guts and your heart out but you swallow harshly and close your eyes for a moment, pressing your lips together to keep yourself from sobbing.

Please wake up, please wake up. You think to yourself, let this be a dream, just a bad dream. You want to wake up, in his arms, in his embrace, you want to feel his kisses on your shoulder, his fingers running through your hair, to hear his morning voice, to hear him say I love you. But you will never get any of it again. It’s over.

“Okay,” you whisper, shakily.

You step away from him, pushing his hands off your shoulders, you nod to yourself as you open your eyes to look at him one last time, “okay.”

An unfamiliar feeling runs through him, gripping at his heart, it hurts and he suddenly feels nauseous. He blinks and stares at you as though he doesn’t understand what just happened.

You look into each other’s eyes, you both drown everything else out, the voices outside, the music and the ongoing party.

It’s over.

You feel grief, the way you felt it all this time already, knowing that this was coming.

He feels it too, though he doesn’t understand it yet. He doesn’t understand what a huge mistake he just made, how much he will despise himself for doing this to you, how much he will come to regret this. When he feels the loss of your touch, his heart begins to understand a little.

Deep down you know that he will come back to you, he will.

Unable to stand around him any longer, you step away, “I’ll get Tommy or something, he’ll drive you home–”

“What about you?” He asks as though he didn’t just tell you that he doesn’t want to be with you.

Your heart is hurting, it’s hurting so badly that you start to forget what it ever felt like to be loved by him. Your tears threaten to fall so you step around him and reach for the doorknob, “goodbye, Steve.”

He says your name but you don’t dare to turn around to face him, you keep the sob in, pushing it down as you open the door and step out of the room that you got your heart broken in, the room that he will get his heart broken in a year later.

By the time the door slams shut, you are already crying, the tears are streaming down your face as you rush through the hallway and down the stairs, not caring about the looks of curiosity of the people around you, you don’t care about anything right now.

You stumble down the stairs, almost crashing on the hardwood floor if it wasn’t for your friend catching you before you can even take the fall.

“Hey, oh my god, are you okay?” She asks as she steadies you, watching you with concern in her blue eyes.

You shake your head as you look at her.

She looks around as though she is searching for someone but when her eyes settle on him standing by the stairs, not walking down just yet, she knows that it’s him who made you cry.

She rolls her eyes, putting her arm around you, she pulls you away from the stairs and out of the house, wrapping her cardigan around you after you both step out into the cold. The front door closes and despite the loud music, the laughter and all the people around him, Steve swears that he heard it shut, it echoed and it made him wince in pain.

He doesn’t understand the deep regret in his chest, the pain in his heart and the confusion in his soul.

He doesn’t understand it yet.

#BESTIE WHAT THE HELLO EAS THIS SKSKSKSKSKSKKS #I WAS NOT RRADY FOR THE REVERSAL LIKE THAT #he’s gonna deserve to get his heart broken too #are you gonna have another one?! wait… lemme guess… she’ll already be with Eddie? :P #bravo babydoll #kristen’s fic recs #you shattered my heart

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rrat-king · 5 months ago

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Scar Tissue

trackerbees, post junior year, getting back together, 2.4k

“So, any new scars? New deaths to add to the counter?” Kristen’s hands stilled. “Holy shit, you didn’t die again, right?” - or, kristen and tracker coming back together and noticing the ways that they have changed since being apart.

read it on ao3 here!

#happy pride month to my favorite weird lesbians #d20 #fhjy #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fic rec #fantasy high fanfic #kristen applebees #tracker o'shaughnessey #trackerbees #my writing

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aerialflight · 3 months ago

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fic rec list

I am into such random fandoms at the moment and I NEED to spread the word on how fantastic these fics are so people would get into those fandoms too. Join me in my rabbit holes!

[Dimension 20: Fantasy High]

serendipities of the mundane kind by fangirl_squee

Ships: Figueroth Faeth/Ayda Aguefort, Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster, Kristen Applebees/Tracker O'Shaughnessey

The Bad Kid's lives wind through the world a little differently, but some friendships are just meant to be.

(ships aside, this is a fic about friendship! and it's absolutely beautiful!! i loved how all the relationships formed and how all of them meet under different yet plausible circumstances. they meet in pairs and then in groups, all of them introduced to each other slowly yet organically. i'm so in love with each character's journey and how meant-to-be the bad kids are. absolutely recommend this!)

thwick thwack by graeskies

Ship: Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster

Eyes narrowed, slitted pupils so thin they could pick a lock. Wide, fin-like ears pressed flat back against his head—'airship ears', Adaine had said once, and it made Riz laugh so hard he had forgotten what he had been reacting to in the first place. Tail thrashing back and forth, making a rhythmic thwick thwack against his legs, or his briefcase, or both. Extra-sharp teeth bared wide, hissing with a confidence he didn't have in freshman year. Riz's threat displays were hypnotizing. Fabian almost forgot the punchline of his own joke.

(riz acting on his instincts and fabian Vibing with it so hard is a trope i never knew i wanted until this fic fnieowfnpewa.)

not by design (again, again) by jackpack

Ship: Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster

To his knowledge, the world is right when Riz gets home, right as he falls into bed and curls up with a grin on his face, right as he closes his eyes and passes sometime in the wee hours of the morning, content that tomorrow was going to be even better. And, then, he wakes up to an alarm set for school. -- It's freshman year, and Riz has a found family to find. Again.

(time travel time travel time travel!!! the bad kids all struggling to find each other and solve the mystery! ugh, these kids have my whole heart and i loved every minute of this.)

Light My Fire by Anonymous (locked, need account to read)

Ship: Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster

The sheet is too short to reach Riz. Fabian fully unfurls it, stretches both his arms as far as he can, thinks about fully letting go and grabbing The Ball midair, trying to tuck and roll and maybe take some of the damage for him. Despite his efforts, he's just a few feet shy of Riz, limp and unconscious and hurtling downwards, just like he was at the Row and the Ruction. Fabian, once again, is too slow and weak and incompetent to help him. Fabian screws his eye shut, half because he can't stand to watch Riz's body hit the ground and half because he feels like if he just believes hard enough, he can somehow save him. - I thought too hard about the time Fabian summoned a fire elemental that saved Riz's life and also kissed him and then nobody ever mentioned it again. This is the result.

(i caught FEELINGS when reading about this moment in the sophomore campaign, embellished and seen through the eyes of a desperate fabian. there's something about fabian being sincere and brave that always hits me in the chest like a hammer.)

meet me in the woods by macaronidoodles

A thought comes to him, and he pulls out the little rock he’d artificed out of his pocket. It’s probably stupid, he thinks, looking at it, so small in his hands. But there’s no one around to make fun of him, and if even one of his friends could hear… It’s Gorgug, he whispers. Keep going. * (in the forest of the nightmare king, gorgug gives everyone a chance to catch their breath)

(i will never be over that fucking line and all that it does. the hope, the love, the determination to keep moving forward, knowing that you are not alone. fnewifoewpa GOD.)

An Abjurative Wizard's Guide to Entrapment and Matchmaking, by Aelwyn Abernant by AgentStannerShipper

Ship: Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster

“I cannot be in love with Riz Gukgak,” Fabian says. “I cannot be in love with The Ball. Under no circumstances can that be a thing that is happening.” Across the room, sitting in Riz’s chair, her feet up on Riz’s desk, ninety percent of her attention on one of Riz’s case files open in her lap, Aelwyn does the incredibly helpful thing of saying, “Uh-huh.”

(this is THE fic that got me into the ship. fabian's feelings of admiration and love for riz shines through and i'm so in love with how in love fabian is. seeing it from his point of view made me realize just how good of a person and character riz gukgak is. love this fic so much!)

Ring a Bell by Tangerine_Blast

“You are drunk,” Adaine accused. “I’m not-” Aelwyn protested but stopped herself mid word and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I don’t mean to alarm you, little sister, but I think you may be suffering from some severe memory loss.” Adaine was about to snap back at her but froze as the words sunk in. Memory loss. Yes. That would certainly explain why she was in a different outfit then she remembered. “What did you do?” *** The Bad Kids wake up on the first day of their freshman year. Or… no, it’s almost two years later and everything is so vastly different. Where are they? Who are all these people claiming to be their family and friends?

(*SCREAMS* god, it hit me so hard how all the bad kids grew up so much from freshman year?? they're such different people in sophomore year compared to the beginning. every single character, including the side characters, are going Through It and i wanted to hug all of them so. bad. nfewiofpewa absolutely a must read, i love every single character here so so much!!)

[Naruto]

Into the Wide Blue Yonder by OneEyedRaven

Ship: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Sasuke

“Take off your mask,” the clan head demanded. He might as well have ordered Kakashi to strip naked – to reveal his face to all these strangers felt as vulnerable as baring his neck to a sword. “You will not be allowed to hide your face here, Sharingan-thief.” - Kakashi gets misplaced in time and taken in by the Uchiha clan during the warring era, thanks to the mysterious one-armed man, Sasuke.

(i've never been into this ship but my god they make it work here in the most delightful slowburn i've read in a long while. i am rooting for them so hard, they're trying to change the world and make it better and i am so here for it! yes! disestablish the corrupt power structures of konoha from the very beginning! hell yeah!!!)(also kakashi's growth and characterization makes me want to cry he's doing so well considering all the bullshit he's lived through fnewfew)

fluffy clouds and a tinge of wonder by TheOneKrafter

In a world obsessed with killing and dying, Seiko is mostly concerned with chasing off her boredom. The Academy wasn’t exactly intellectually stimulating, but dying in the second shinobi war sounded like a long walk off a short pier. Everyone is always so stressed about avoiding attention, or min-maxing skills in situations like this. Seiko is of the opinion that those people need to chill the hell out. Maybe play a little shogi. Death comes for them all anyways. Better to enjoy this all while it lasts. (genius self insert stumbles into disrupting a timeline with the intentionality of an elephant trampling a very fancy tea shop.) (updates weekly-ish.)

(*cackles* i love how built the world and relationships are in this fic. the SI is not overpowered, actually intelligent but not omnipresent, and has actual social skills instead of being an oblivious airhead. i appreciate the time and care that's taken to build the friendships the SI has and am eager to see how the plot turns out in the future!)

How to Redeem Your Past Mistakes, Commit Mild Treason, and Accidentally Build a Family by themidnightguardian

If Kakashi hadn’t seen Naruto living in squalor and Sasuke’s personal trauma shrine and whatever civilian fuckery was happening at Sakura’s house, he’d have at least tried to fail them even if logic told him the Elder Council would never let it fly. Screw the Hokage for that. * * * * * * * * * * When the Sandaime showed him Naruto’s apartment, he didn’t think that was going to be the tip of the iceberg that was the shitshow of his soon-to-be team. But as it turned out, Naruto wasn't the only one with a less-than-optimal home life. And as it turned out, Kakashi was apparently the only person in Konoha who cared.

(*hugs all of team 7* they are family and it's the council's mistake in thinking this wouldn't happen. kakashi is Doing His Best and doing Well and i want to pat him on the head in appreciation for his efforts.)

[Diamond no Ace]

Lay Sunflowers at My Grave by Kinryuuki

Ship: Miyuki Kazuya/Sawamura Eijun

"If you could go back, and do it over. What would you do?"

(literally the best time travel fic since trajectory of laughter, i am OBSESSED.)

Aromantic Way to Propose by blue_flowers_bouquets (cianderia)

Ship: Miyuki Kazuya/Sawamura Eijun

Miyuki Kazuya doesn't get romance, and he's painfully aware of it. Sawamura Eijun is a hopeless romantic to boot, but he insists that they should date. Their relationship goes as smooth as you could expect.

(so sweet and fluffy! exploring how an aromantic and romantic person can work, yet the characters stay in character! i really like how this was managed and written, absolutely give it a read!)

[Bridgerton]

a thousand cuts by wall_e_nelson

Ship: Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma

Every single day, Anthony tries very hard not to walk directly into the ocean. A collection of non-linear one-shots, headcanons, AUs, and missing scenes for Anthony Bridgerton. (this story was written in the year between s1 and s2. the character is based in the little we knew of s1 show!Anthony, pulling the rest of him and the world needed from the books.)

(it feels insane to me now that this was the first fic i read in this fandom. this isn't even my fucking fandom, i never even watched the show or read the books but god, god, this made me cry more than 10 fucking times. i can't remember the last time my heart ached so badly for a character, and anthony bridgerton is a phenomenal character indeed.)

Unspooled Thread by happilyinsane13, itakethewords (Itakethewords)

Ship: Benedict Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington

Benedict's life changed the moment Lady Danbury commanded, “Follow that Featherington.” The year is 1813 and Benedict's sister Daphne has just made her debut. He thought he knew how this season would go. Little did he suspect he would stumble on the youngest Featherington daughter's biggest secret. -- A complete, Benelope canon re-write, starting from S1, Ep1 all the way through season 3.

(this fic has RUINED me, i can't unsee the potential this ship holds. they're artists who bond over art! they admire and protect and care about one another! it's the slowest of slow burns that immediately catches fire before running around in panic! it's a proper friends to lovers fic done incredibly well!)(i started reading this author's other benedict/penelope fics and GOD IT'S SO GOOD FNEWIFOEW.)(i'm ruined! this rare pair has ruined me!!)(i have no regrets.)

[Jujutsu Kaisen]

The Phantom Guardian by MissingN000

Ships: Getou Suguru/Gojo Satoru, Kugisaki Nobara/Zenin Maki, Fushiguro Megumi/Itadori Yuuji, Inumaki Toge/Okkotsu Yuuta

There's something about this girl, like looking in a funhouse mirror a third of his size. “Oi, kid,” Toji says. “It’s you, isn’t it?” The girl glares daggers at him from behind a pair of red-rimmed glasses too big for her tiny face. She’s looking at him like he’s totally crazy, which isn’t entirely untrue. “Huh? Who the heck are you?” In lieu of answering, he asks, “What’s your name?” The girl scowls. “Maki.” “Maki,” he repeats, and it’s like a missing piece of his soul falls back into place. The record of his life before he fought the Six-Eyes brat is a long, impossibly white scroll of nothing -- but written on it in faint letters is the name of a child, a child with a delicate name that brushed the heavens, spun a prayer into letters; a name that began with an M, and it ended in i, too. “Maki,” he says again. “I think you’re my daughter.” -------- Toji makes a mistake. It changes everything.

(*running around throwing glitter like a sparkling system* and you get found a found family! and you get a found family! and you-)(but seriously, this is the one and only fic i'll read from this fandom, i legit don't care about anything else except these fuckers in this fucking fic. they are all disasters and i love that every single character here is traumatized and still somehow ruining themselves while thriving?? it's amazing.)

[Star Wars]

You and I (drink the poison from the same vine) by northpeach, wolfsrainrules

When one wakes up from death into a universe many of us have dreamed of, truthfully Kiyo can say it was both easier and harder then she thought it would be. Yes, she's gonna get a lightsaber. Yes, she's gonna bite someone to get a bes'bev. No, she's not forgetting where she's come from but she cannot grieve for a lifetime. Not when this life has so much potential. Has so much to offer. Not when she knows exactly how well Mandalorian and Jedi cultures fit together. Absolutely not, especially since she knows Jaster Mereel has a 700 page love letter written to his people to publish. She's going to get her hands on it and read it if it's the last thing she does.

(*breathes* i need this to update so bad. i usually hate SI fics in star wars, but this fic is amazing?? again, i NEED TO KNOW where this is going, my impatience is clawing my brain.)

(They Were) Made For Us by Echuta (setoboo)

Ship: Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi

The Kaminoan tilts his head with a small smile. As if he’s trying to be indulgent for the Jedi’s sake. “Well yes, you and your fellow Jedi, Master Kenobi. They were made for the Jedi - and since the Jedi serve the Republic. It was implied they would do so too.” ‘They were made for the Jedi.’ Obi-Wan thinks in a daze. Clinging to that one sentence and grappling with all the implications buried within it as the Force around him pulses with tension. ‘For...for us? For me?’ What can that possibly mean? ---------------- Or; the Clones are really, and truly, perfectly made for the Jedi. The real issue is that it seems the Jedi are just as perfectly made for the Clones. This throws a major wrench in the works for the Darkside when the Jedi aren't very willing to let their men die. Not even on the senate's orders.

(i keep rereading this, i'm so obsessed with this kind of trope where people can read others' souls and just know who they are. this is the Shit for me, i was doomed from the start fnewifoewaef)

[Top Gun] (the most unexpected fandom to get into, watched it 2 months ago and it's completely taken over my life HELP ME-)

Where Are You Going by adiduck (book_people)

Ship: Tom Iceman Kazansky/Pete Maverick Mitchell

They’ve both heard all the philosophical bullshit, of course. Poems about your soul forever seeking its other half, impassioned treatises they were supposed to read in high school English about how you know where your own limbs are, quotes from long-dead guys about physical distance but hearts taking up the same space--that kind of bullshit. Maverick never put much stock in that kind of thing--he’d hated school. It probably shouldn’t have been surprising that Ice also really did not care about the science or philosophy--they were supposed to be perfect for each other, after all. (Or: There’s a handshake in the O Club the first night of Top Gun, and the very bearing of “magnetic North” shifts permanently under Ice and Mav’s feet)

(soulmate fic!! it's done so well and the relationship negotiations and trying to make it work is so up my alley. it's not an instant love soulmate fic, which i appreciate a lot, and i just love this author's characterization of of ice and maverick. definitely recommend this author's other works too, i just love the way they write in general, in whatever fandom they are in XD)

A Higher Fidelity by sintra

Ship: Tom Iceman Kazansky/Pete Maverick Mitchell

“C’mon.” Tori nudges him with an elbow. “C’mon. He’s cute. You can admit that one thing but you can’t admit this?” Gritting his teeth, Ice thinks very carefully about his next words. “He’s…” he trails off. “Some would say that…Mitchell is not. Unpleasant. To look at.” (Alternatively: the one where Ice and Mav learn to park bad, eat good, and love even better.)

(i want to kiss the author, ice's characterization here made me laugh so many times, omfg. absolute treasure of a fic! the narration and ice's thoughts were so fucking funny and maverick is just perfectly maverick in this haha! absolutely recommend for a good laugh with some extra sweetness.)

Precipice by V_Evergreen

Ship: Tom Iceman Kazansky/Pete Maverick Mitchell

Dating, it turns out, does not get easier with age. Alternately: [“Ice,” Maverick said slowly, “do you have a crush on me?” Ice flushed. “Shut up.” Maverick grinned. “How embarrassing.”]

(middle aged people going on first dates!! it's so sweet and snappy, i love how well-worn yet new this fic feels when it comes to their relationship. it feels both fresh yet comfortable and i felt warm reading this. <3)

Flowers for Sale by Owner by aelibia

Ship: Tom Iceman Kazansky/Pete Maverick Mitchell

Most people would do anything to stop the flowers from coming. Maverick is not most people.

(THE FUNNIEST FREAKING HANAHAKI FIC I'VE EVER READ HOLY SHIT! PLEASE READ, I CRIED FROM LAUGHING SO HARD FNEIWOFEWA)(never in a MILLION YEARS did i think about this aspect of the hanahaki curse, INCREDIBLE.)

I Need You to Live by PurpleArrowzandLeather

When Bradley finishes playing his dad's song at the Hard Deck, he sees a familiar figure collapse on the beach. Thinking the worst, he does everything in his power to make sure he doesn't lose him.

(i am so weak for fics that involve bradley and maverick re-conciliating. really great what if scenario done right and i definitely recommend this author's other top gun fics, they do gen fics for top gun really well!)

lost fight, grip tight on a heavy rope by writteninwaves

Bradley Bradshaw does not do regrets. Until he does. But in his fifteen years of self-imposed exile, there comes a time when even his stubborn will breaks. When Bradley overhears devastating news about his dad, he realizes just how much he lost and wonders if anything was worth it in the first place. Part 1 of revival

(mav is presumed dead and bradley comes back home because of it. the exploration of grief and how much maverick mattered to so many people is *chefs kiss* done fantastic here. there's a part 2 to this series when mav shows up and let me tell you, it's so good and i absolutely recommend that as well haha!)

What's In A Name? by maverickazansky

Ship: Tom Iceman Kazansky/Pete Maverick Mitchell

Maverick had never put any thought into Bradley not knowing the difference in surnames between the people in his family, nor his own. Nor had his put any thought into the fact that Bradley was a child. He probably should have.

(it's so cute!! it's so so so cute!!! i both laughed and cooed at little bradley, this is so ridiculously fluffy hahaha!)

With the Stars in the Darkness, and Love in the Light by flyingfightingfishy for LadyLanera

Ship: Tom Iceman Kazansky/Pete Maverick Mitchell

Ice cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I was calling about Wood and Wolf's wedding." "Oh yeah! I was sort of wondering about that. When I talked to Wolf a couple weeks ago he said the invitations would be out soon but I haven't gotten one.” Ice cleared his throat again, not quite sure how to address the situation. "Yes. Well. That's because it's with mine. Which is why I called.” Mav made a noise of mild confusion from the other end of the phone. ”They sent them together?" "Ah, no,” Ice said, taking a deep breath. “They invited us. Together. As a couple. Same invitation." OR Ice and Mav get invited to Hollywood and Wolfman's wedding together. They're not a couple. They decide not to correct the assumption.

(i wanted to smash these two idiots together, ice's anxiety was so palpable and real and i wanted to shake the man the entire time omg.)

[Crossovers]

Jokers to the Right by adiduck (book_people) for Serie11

Fandoms: The Saint (1997), Mission Impossible

Ship: Ethan Hunt/Simon Templar

It was supposed to be an easy one. (Or: Ethan Hunt is trying to save the world. Simon Templar is trying to rob an asshole blind. They work it out.) Part 1 of if you ever leave, i'm coming with you

(my goddamn gateway drug into this crack ship that i'm now absolutely OBSESSED with. truly and sincerely, this ship has overrun my life and i can't stop listening to lupin the third ost because it gives off spy vibes SO HARD.)(this ship is just, so much fun?? the banter, the fact they're both hyper competent people in the same field of work, whether that means working against or with each other. simon is fascinating and ethan is so inherently good and they circle around each other flirting SO MUCH LIKE NFEWNIFWE.)(the rest of the series is so good too and i absolutely recommend reading Serie11 too, they both herald this ship and god, GOD, i need more of this ship with their dynamics, it's AMAZING!! Please please give it a go and read!)

believe in you by Serie11

Fandoms: The Saint (1997), Mission Impossible

Ship: Ethan Hunt/Simon Templar

“I’ve sort of been wondering why you kept asking me out,” Julia confesses. “When it was pretty obvious that you weren’t going to make a move.” “Obvious,” Ethan echoes. He doesn’t like to think that he’s obvious about anything that he isn’t doing incredibly on purpose. He doesn’t like to think that even after all these years of only showing what he wants to show, there are still things that people can see about him that he would prefer them not to know. “This is date five, Ethan,” Julia says, lifting her eyebrows. “And you haven’t tried to kiss me once.” - Ethan's trying to escape from his past – but that's not exactly easy when he doesn't really want to run.

(a rewrite of mission impossible 3 with saintspy (this ship's name) in it. everything fits! the movie somehow has even MORE stakes and i got so hooked into the relationship drama between our mains and julia is so great here?? this fic is angsty and is in the break up era of their relationship, it's so juicy!! uggh, i love how this author writes, they really dig into ethan's psyche and i'm utterly enamored by it! even if you're not into saintspy, this fic's exploration of ethan still makes it compelling, so i definitely recommend you to check it out!)

run in the shadows by Serie11 for adiduck (book_people)

Fandoms: The Saint (1997), Mission Impossible, Top Gun

Ship: Ethan Hunt/Simon Templar

The changing soulmark on his wrist is a secret that Ethan has kept for as long as he can remember - one that he never thought he would have to explain to anybody, until a man with Peter Mitchell written on his skin appears to upend his entire life.

(*screams* soulmate fic! soulmate fic! this fic is separate from the two fics above, but man, it dives so hard into Ethan and his backstory on, "what if ethan hunt and pete mitchell are the same person". it's handled so well and the exploration on identity and what it means for both ethan and simon is so great!! a must read that will definitely win you over to this ship, i will die on this hill!)

Give and Take by GreenGlassMountain

Fandoms: The Saint (1997), Mission Impossible

Ship: Ethan Hunt/Simon Templar

When Max hires Ethan to steal the NOC list, she gives him free reign over his team members, with one exception. For such a massive heist, he must recruit the best thief in the business: a man known only as The Saint.

(i recommended this before and i need to recommend this again! seriously, it's a delightful first meeting fic between ethan and simon and the author did it so right! the dynamics, the cautious back and forth, and the fact this fic is set in the first mission impossible movie is all kinds of intriguing!! i'm so happy that this small ship is growing bit by bit and i'm so excited to see what comes next with this fic XD)

#Fic Rec #Fic Rec List #Dimension 20 #D20 #Fantasy High #Naruto #Diamond no Ace #Bridgerton #Jujutsu Kaisen #Star Wars #Top Gun #Crossovers #Mission Impossible #The Saint (1997)#Saintspy #IceMav

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wroteclassicaly · 1 year ago

Text

Okay, well… I have no idea where to start with what I want to say, because this made me speechless! I understand this like it’s from my own mind, and I applaud your bravery in posting it. It’s something some of us need, and I just want to cry, as you described everything so clear, so perfect! Just know that I’ll be revisiting this often for comfort ❤️❤️❤️❤️

The Boyfriend Experience - EM

Author's Note: This is very personal to me. I wrote this about my experieces and facts about myself. Which I know isn't very reader insert friendly but as my friend @boomhauer had said, for all I know, I'm not alone in this. This will be a mini series. Idk how many parts it will have but I wanted to do more than one.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x virgin!reader

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of weight, mentions of being overweight, body image issues, body dysphoria, self deprication, sexual experiences, lack of sexual experience, teasing, angst.

You do not have permission to copy, translate or repost my work onto other sites or social medias. This work is my own and it is owned by me.

Having a large friend group was nice. Nice enough, at least for you. Between the Hellfire boys and the party you were fortunate enough to have many friends. You were close to the party the most over the shared trauma of the upside down and things that go bump in the night. It was easy to be open with them so some topics of conversation didn’t bother you… until certain comments were made. You had never intended to let the information about yourself shift the dynamic of your friendships. At this point in your life, you had reluctantly accepted a fact about yourself when it came to romantic relationships and activities. However, your friend groups learning that you were a virgin even now past graduating high school seemed to change everything. It wasn’t like you wanted to seek out the first willing male participant and ‘get it over with’ as some past friends had told you to do before. You didn’t want that for yourself. It didn’t feel right for you.

The unfortunate thing about it was that no one was into you. That was something you had concluded on your own in your own time. It was either the pudge of your stomach and the squishiness of other parts of your body or simply your personality. You weren’t sure. Maybe it was all of it. You had spent many a time pinching, poking and prodding at your body in the mirror as tears silently slid down your cheeks. Most of the time you avoided reflective surfaces all together as it shattered the illusion of what you thought and wished you looked like. One look in a reflection made your confidence dwindle down to nothing like something small being dropped off of a skyscraper just to shatter on impact at the pavement below. So you wore baggy clothes. Hiding your figure was better than being gawked at for trying to wear clothes other girls, skinnier girls, pulled off effortlessly. The hammer that hit the nail on the head was when you noticed some things. Was it other people’s fault? No, it wasn’t. But when you went out with friends who were deemed more attractive than you and people approached them to talk to them while you stood there, drink in hand. It was hard not to notice. The icing on the cake had been the one time you were left standing at the bar, all your friends off talking to someone in the bar that had approached them while you played with the condensation that dripped down onto the bartop.

You lacked social experiences. You had never been on a date before, never had a boyfriend either. You had a first kiss at least though it had been a long time ago. How your friends didn’t know this, you had no idea. A rousing game of truth or dare brought this information to light for everyone. The kids weren’t invited as it was an adults only party Steve had decided to throw. The Hellfire boys, Nancy, Robin, Steve, Jonathan and Argyle as well as yourself all sat in a circle with your respective drinks in hand. It had been your turn, so you chose truth, wanting a break for a moment as the dares got more daring as time went on and more alcohol was consumed. Drinking the ‘mega condiment’ as Argyle named it–a mixture of literally every condiment housed in the Harrington fridge–was not on your list of things to drink that night. Especially after seeing Robin gag after taking a sip of it.

The Harrington house was big enough to house all of you. Not to mention a supplemental bar for when you all ran out of what you brought with yourselves. These ‘adults only’ parties tended to last all night with drinks, food and usually crashing there. At times it was movies or more importantly drinking games that were played at these events. Tonight the stack of playing cards had been retired early in favor of Truth or Dare. Jeff hummed as he thought over what he could ask you. His eyes lit up as he figured out his question. “Who did you lose your virginity to?” He asked you with a grin. It wasn’t uncommon for these question to get more personal and daring the more you all drank. So you weren’t necessarily surprised at the topic but the fact that it had been aimed at you, one of the only single people in attendance. Normally, these embarrassing personal questions were aimed at the couples.

You felt your cheeks warm in embarrassment. As everyone waited for their answer, you simply looked away from Jeff and took a swig from your drink to avoid answering. That was one rule that had been put in place. You could opt out by drinking your drink. No questions asked. Or at least, no requirement to answer.

“Must be embarrassed about who it is.” Gareth chuckled with a small shrug as he drained the last of his beer.

“Or she didn’t lose it at all.” Jeff playfully jokes, but something on your face must have given it away as Jeff’s eyes widened in realization. “You haven’t lost it?!” He gasped.

“How? You’re like… in your twenties.”

“I just haven’t. Alright?” You practically snapped at Gareth and Jeff.

“Well, have you come close? Like on a date getting hot and heavy with someone?” Steve asked, leaning over to hand Gareth another beer after popping the bottle cap off with his bare hand.

“No… I’ve never been on a date so,” You mumbled into your cup as you took another drink.

“You’ve never been on a date?!” Nancy asked, shock written on her face. “I thought Ethan when we were soph-”

“Yeah. He stood me up and made jokes about it for a week after.” You cut Nancy off with a tight smile. “I’m not girlfriend material, apparently. Now if you’ll excuse me.” You pushed yourself off of the floor and headed for Steve’s kitchen to make yourself another drink. Your cheeks were hot with embarrassment and you could feel tears threatening to breach the barrier of your lower lashes. At times, you could brave the embarrassment of being a virgin at your age. However now again you found yourself longing for something you had not had the privilege of having. Yearning for a connection to someone who likes you for who you are, not necessarily what you look like. When those feelings hit you, it was hard not to be hurt at the realization that you might never have these experiences. You could hear laughter in the other room, the immediate assumption in your fragile state that it was about you. Your lower lip wobbled as you opened the container of cranberry juice, pouring a full glass of it knowing adding more alcohol would make it harder to compose yourself now and you’d like to leave with a shred of your dignity left intact.

“Enough.” You heard Eddie’s voice snap, presumably at the Hellfire boys as he usually reigned them in. You sniffled, wiping at your cheeks quickly before going to grab the hoodie you had abandoned on the back of a kitchen chair earlier. You needed the comfort, shielding your body away before you trudged back into the room of your friends with your mask back on firmly in place.

Since then, things have been different. Your lack of experiences, lack of romance and lack of self confidence were sore spots for you. Some told you you simply weren’t trying hard enough. As if it were that easy to just make people like you. Or want you for more than just what was between your thighs or under your shirt. As if anyone would want to see that. Since the night of the party, the group made it a point to keep certain topics of conversation to a minimum or overall stopping the conversation when you joined the group. As if they didn’t think you would notice. It was hard to ignore that the topics of recent date nights ceased the second you were close enough to them all. With hushed ‘later’s, ‘not now’s and ‘I’ll finish telling you later’s being the main indication when you manage to hear them.

“Okay, I’ll bite.” You sighed as you crossed your arms over the counter of Family Video, looking at Steve and Robin expectantly. You had heard their conversation when you walked in there but when you approached the counter Steve had quickly shushed Robin from talking further. “What are you both talking about?” You asked.

“Nothing, nothing.” Robin waved you off with a smile as she rang up the movie you had brought over.

“I was just telling Robin about my date the other night. After we had dinner we started getting hot and heavy in my car, went to Lovers Lake to have-”

“Shh! Steve, innocent ears! We have to keep her purity intact.” Robin shushed him, smacking him in the chest.

Your face fell. “Excuse me?” You asked Robin in a clipped tone, not bothering to hide your anger and annoyance.

The air had shifted as had the mood. Robin’s face fell as she realized that her joke had not been amusing to you but instead upset you. “It’s just that… No, Y/N. I didn’t mean it like that!” Robin apologized quickly.

You scoffed, pulling your wallet out and throwing cash onto the counter to cover the movie and a packet of Red Vines. “Thanks.” You mumbled, snatching up the movie and a packet of Red Vines before heading out of the store quickly.

—----------

It was movie night. That was the reason for your trip into Family Video that week. The Hellfire group would have a movie night once every week or so. Everyone brought in a movie and you all would decide which ones to watch. You sat on the couch, always having privileges for the couch per Eddie’s orders since in his words: you are the lady here. You sat beside Eddie, sharing your Red Vines with him while he shared his popcorn with you. Since that day in Family Video you hadn’t seen neither Steve nor Robin, actively avoiding both of them. You had mumbled an acceptance of Robin’s apology when she called but hadn’t wanted to see either of them. It got worse though. Almost all of your friends had made a joke about your lack of experience thus far. If there wasn’t a joke about it there was reassurance that didn’t feel so reassuring. Nancy had tried to reassure you that there was nothing wrong with being a virgin still at your age. Eddie, Jonathan and Argyle seemed to be the only ones smart enough to not make any comments about the subject. Something you praised God for. Now it was the end of the week and you were just ready for everyone to move past this once and for all.

On the screen in front of you was a horror movie. Something you weren’t unfamiliar with. You sighed as you sunk into the couch with Eddie. You watched as two teens snuck away with the intention of having fun with one another and felt your mood sour. You waited for it. Some kind of comment to be passed your way.

“These are always so cheesy and these parts? Boring.” Lucas complained, tossing pieces of popcorn at the screen itself.

“That’s because you’ve never experienced it, Sinclair.” Gareth laughed, nudging the other boy.

“As if he should listen to any advice from you.” Eddie nudged Gareth with his foot.

“I’m full of advice! Good advice!” He argued back with Eddie.

“Suuure you are.” You added, “None of you seem like you’d know what to do anyway. Just fumble and ask where things are.”

“Oh, please!” Freak laughed and grinned at you. “Here’s something we can at least tell you, Y/N.” His tone took on one you would use when speaking to a child, “When a man and a woman love each other, his peepee goes in the hole between your legs. That’s where you put it. In case you didn’t know since you’re still a virgin.”

“Freak, knock it off.” Eddie hissed in his direction.

You didn’t even dignify him with an answer. You stood up, stepping over Gareth and Jeff as you made your way to the door.

“Y/N?” Eddie called, but you didn’t dare look behind you. Instead, you slid your jacket onto your body, picked up your bag and threw open the door to Eddie’s trailer deciding to leave the movie you rented there.

You hopped down onto the porch, the screen door behind you smacking shut loudly as you bounded off the porch and over to your car. You heard the door open back up behind you and Eddie called out your name again. You ignored him, sliding into your car and peeling away from the trailer park like your ass was on fire. You gripped the steering wheel tightly, ignoring the tears sliding down your cheeks. It was one thing to hear jokes that you were still a virgin. It was another thing to have people demean you thinking you were innocent and didn’t know anything because of it. You weren’t a fucking child. You knew probably more than they did about the female body and what to do. Years of hearing your peers talk about it had been informative enough.

As soon as you got to your apartment, you shuffled yourself inside and shut the door tightly behind you. You crumbled. You were embarrassed and upset, wanting to just crawl in a hole and forget this week had ever happened. You pulled yourself up, trudging to the bathroom and taking a hot shower before pulling on panties, sweatpants and a tank top deciding to leave the death trap on the floor of the bathroom. You moved to the living room, seeking out a new movie to put on in the hopes it would distract yourself from the disastrous night. You put on one of your favorites before tucking yourself into your couch with your favorite fuzzy blanket and pillow. You only got through about fifteen minutes of the film before there was a knock on your door. You ignored it, favoring pretending you weren’t home or didn’t exist than face whoever was on the other side of that wooden barrier. The knocking came again, harder and more insistent this time.

“Go away!” You called out to the door. You assumed it was Freak, Gareth and Jeff. No doubt sent there by Eddie to apologize for upsetting you. He never let the other guys bother you too much.

“Open up, sweetheart. It’s me.” The man you thought had sent others to your door was actually the one behind it.

“No.” You called back out. You were thankful that Eddie didn’t make fun of you like the others did or comment on it. But you were embarrassed and felt ugly.

“Please? I have something for you.” You sighed. Knowing Eddie he would either camp out in front of your door or more likely pick your lock or climb through your window in your bedroom if you didn’t let him in. You pulled yourself up off the couch and went to the door, unlocking it and opening up the door. His smile was wide and bright when you opened the door. His arms were laden with items and he nudged you with his foot. “May I come in?” He asked you, batting his lashes at you.

You stepped aside, letting the lanky metalhead into your home. Eddie moved inside of your apartment quickly and you watched him like he was some foreign entity in your home. Eddie had been in your apartment before but never alone with you. It was always accompanied by one of your friends. He had just never come here by himself. You wouldn’t have thought so though as he effortlessly placed down the items in his arms. He had a pizza box with him, two shopping bags and a backpack on his back. From the plastic bags he pulled out some beer, candy and movies presumably from his own home. “What’re you doing here, Eddie?” You sighed, shutting your door and moving back to your couch. You burrowed yourself under your blanket again, pillow tucked behind your back. “Where are the guys?”

“Well, you left clearly upset, and I kicked the guys out.” Eddie answered nonchalantly. He stopped his movements of sorting out the treats he brought to look at you. “They shouldn’t have said what they said.” He spoke softly, watching you.

You took a breath. “Thank you… You didn’t have to come here though.” You mumbled, crossing your arms.

“I wanted to.” Eddie waved you off. “Now, I’m gonna go change cause we’re having a sleepover. I have your favorite.” He flipped open the pizza box to reveal your favorite toppings. “I will be back!” He took his backpack into your bedroom. You leaned over, assessing the pizza and snacks he had brought with him for you. You took a slice of pizza and gently began munching on it, trying to fight off the negative thoughts about how this food wasn’t good for you and wouldn’t help your situation but only deepen the purple stretch marks on your stomach and thighs.

When Eddie returned, he was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a faded Judas Priest t-shirt. He dropped down onto the couch on the opposite side of you and picked up a slice of pizza, taking a huge bite out of the food. He settled down, wiggling your blanket out from under him to get under the fabric and be comfortable with you. You both sat like that for a while, watching the movie you had put on and eating the pizza. Eventually one of the movies Eddie had brought with him was put on. You both fell into a comfortable silence but you knew it would eventually break.

As the second movie played you were about halfway through it when Eddie finally spoke up. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked you, turning his head to look at you. You turned your head to meet his eyes and felt your walls crumble. You wanted to say no… but with Eddie’s gaze on you, it was hard to compose yourself. You flashed back to what happened not too long ago and over the week in general. You didn’t realize that more tears began to slide down your cheeks. “I’m just so sick of everyone thinking I’m innocent just because I haven’t fucked someone. I’m not an idiot. I’m not a child. I fucking know things.” You sobbed quietly, hurriedly wiping at your cheeks. “It’s not my fault I’m not the kind of girl anyone wants.” You felt the couch shift as Eddie moved closer, the weight of his arm falling over your shoulders. He moved your legs over his lap, tucking you into his side as you cried. “They act like it was somehow my choice. Like I haven’t wanted to have a boyfriend, have sex, go on dates, be loved by someone. If it were my choice I would’ve done all those things! But no one is interested in me. How is that my fault?” You babbled on, tucking your face against Eddie’s chest and finding comfort in the smell of him.

“First of all, they were wrong to make you seem like you don’t know shit. Second of all, you are absolutely the kind of girl people want. Smart people who have eyes and aren’t selfish assholes. I know if you had the choice, you would’ve done those things. Clearly, since this upsets you so much, babe. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time.” Eddie spoke softly, his thumb rubbing your skin comfortingly as he spoke.

“Sure, Eddie. Whatever you say.” You murmured, feeling drained from the week itself. A silence fell over the two of you as you felt your insecurities swallow your mind. “Maybe if I was skinnier… prettier. Like Nancy, smart too.” You mumbled. You gasped when Eddie suddenly moved back. You looked at him and he had moved back to stare at you. What shocked you was the anger on his face.

“Do not. Say that.” He spoke sternly, watching you. “There is nothing wrong with you. Your body, your mind, nothing.”

“But-”

“No!” Eddie frowned, a crease forming between his brows as he showed his unhappiness at your lack of self-confidence. “No buts! Yours is phenomenal, by the way.” He was moving before you could even process what you just heard, your cheeks warming when you realized. He was pulling at your legs. You made a small sound as he pulled you til you were laying on your couch. You adjusted the pillow that had once been behind your back to be behind your head instead, deciding to humor Eddie. You knew him well enough that he would say what he wanted to say whether you wanted to hear it or not. He was never shy to share his opinion, sometimes unprompted. “Look,” Eddie moved on top of you. He straddled your thighs as his hair fell over your face like a curtain. Without thinking about it you moved his hair back from his face. “Hi, pretty girl.” Eddie grinned at you. You pouted at him, using one hand to tug on his earlobe. He whined and winced, “Ow.” he mumbled softly. Eddie’s hands moved from holding himself up above you instead favoring to rest his body against yours. You grunt softly at the new weight but it wasn’t bothering you.

“Eddie, what are you doing?” You huff and Eddie grins back at you.

“Shh. Hold on. I’m gonna give you the boyfriend experience, okay. Let me show you how pretty you are.” He shushed you, moving his hand up to your face. His middle finger gently ran over your forehead, moving down the bridge of your nose. Your eyebrows were creased in confusion as you took in what he was doing but your breath hitched in your throat as his lips pressed between your eyebrows, smoothing the crease away. His soft touch moved down over the tip of your nose down to your cupid’s bow before moving over your cheekbone. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. You were fumbling as you processed the fact that Eddie Munson was kissing your face. His lips followed his finger as he kissed your cheek bone. More kisses followed over your cheek, jaw and chin.

“Ed-”

“Shhh,” He softly shushed you again, middle finger moving over your top lip before running over your lower lip. You waited, holding your breath. That breath escaped you when Eddie pressed his lips to yours. You knew what to do, of course, pressing your lips back to Eddie’s but truly you were sure you were a horrible kisser. His hand now cupped your cheek as his lips moved against yours like he was trying to show you what to do. Soon you melted in his embrace, just enjoying kissing him. His lips were slightly chapped but soft and you made a mental note to share your cherry lip balm with him so he didn’t crack his lips. Eddie’s lips left yours though and you whimpered softly as he moved away. A breathy chuckle left him. “You have to breathe, pumpkin. Okay?” He murmured, nose nudging yours gently. Then he was moving again. He tucked his head into your neck, peppering kisses against your skin. He kissed over your collarbones before kissing the tops of your breasts. “No bra when you’re at home? I should come visit more often.” He mumbled against your skin, running his nose over your cloth covered mounds. His eyes flicked up to meet yours, a devilish smile on his lips.

“Gonna come over more often now cause I don’t wear a bra at home?” You scoffed and Eddie nodded against you.

“Mhm, and cause I can see your nipples through your tank top.” He chuckled and moved his hands down to your hips. His hands moved back up, pushing your tank top up. You reached for his hands but he stopped just under your breasts. “Not going further. I didn’t ask permission yet.” He murmured and shuffled down your body. His nose nudged gently at your stomach, admiring the pudginess that was there. He began scattering kisses over your soft flesh. Over stretch marks ranging from soft pink, barely there to fresh purple ones. You squirmed a little under him, cheeks warming in embarrassment and self consciousness. “You’re so cute.” He mumbled against your skin, looking up at you. You pouted, feeling tears tug at your lashes again. “No crying, baby.” He murmured, “Not wanting to make you feel bad. Just wanna admire you.” You sniffled, gently wiping at your eyes as you nodded down at him. You were unsure of Eddie’s plan. Why he was doing this and how far he was going to go but you were going to give him his time, enjoying the limited attention he was affording you.

Eddie waited for you to calm down before he continued. He kissed over your hips, hands moving to pull your sweatpants down slightly. He pulled the material down over your legs, setting them aside and you froze again. He bypassed your panties which made you pout a little but you knew Eddie had a plan. His kisses continue over the tops of your thighs before moving to kiss the sides of them. He lifted one of your legs, lips moving down your calf and over your ankle before he kissed the top of your foot. When he was satisfied that he had covered you in enough kisses he grabbed your sweatpants and pulled the material back over your legs and settled himself on top of you again once you were clothed again. Eddie had laid himself so his head rested at your neck. One arm snaked under your body while his other hand moved to gently run his fingers through your hair.

“You can call me crazy if you want,” Eddie mumbled against your skin. “But what if I gave you the boyfriend experience. Doesn’t have to go anywhere. Just… show you what you’re missing.”

You blinked, thinking over Eddie’s suggestion. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Eddie. You liked him a lot especially once you saw the soft side of the scary looking metal head. You figured you weren’t his type despite the affection he’d shown you tonight. So what was the harm in taking him up on gaining some experience? You hummed softly and stroked your fingers through his hair. “Yeah… I’d like that.” You murmured quietly, feeling the smile that spread over his lips before he pressed a kiss to your throat.

Eventually the two of you moved so you could enjoy the slightly cold pizza Eddie had brought you both. The two of you ate most of it, tucking the rest into the fridge. You yawned gently as you packed up the snacks and Eddie’s hands gently grabbed at your arms to stop you. He steered you towards your room, shutting the tv off on the way. Inside your room you crawled into bed and laid on your side, figuring Eddie would help himself to wherever he wanted to sleep. The bed dipped beside you and Eddie shuffled closer to you. “An important part of the boyfriend experience, cuddling.” He murmured as he pressed himself to your back. He tangled his legs with yours, holding onto you. You could feel that he had shed his shirt before climbing into bed with you. His hand rested on your belly and you resisted the urge to move it. You didn’t even like touching your own belly but someone else touching the area made you want to crawl out of your skin. After a few minutes though you relaxed enough, gently falling asleep in his arms.

—----------------------------------------

The next morning you had woken up still in Eddie’s embrace. He was holding onto you tightly, gentle snores falling from his lips. You picked up his arm, attempting to wiggle free from his hold at first until he tightened his arm around you further. You huffed but smiled, picking up his arm again and getting free. You padded out of your room to the kitchen and started to brew some coffee. You grabbed what you needed to make some simple bacon and eggs for you both, humming as you did so. As you added some cheese into the eggs you heard him before you felt him. He had just managed to step on one of the creaky floor boards. Eddie’s arms wrapped around you and his head found home on your shoulder.

“You left me,” He mumbled against your skin.

“I made breakfast.” You answered, plucking up a piece of bacon and offering it to him.

Eddie lifted his head and bit into the bacon, chewing thoughtfully. “All is forgiven.”

You chuckled and shook your head, finishing the other half of the strip of salty pork before returning to moving the eggs around. Eddie removed himself from you to grab the plates you set aside for you both. He held both as you scooped some eggs onto the plates before placing bacon strips onto them. Eddie took them to the table as you popped toast into the toaster and started to make your cup of coffee. Once all the food was ready you both sat down to eat. You found your eyes wandering to the boy that sat beside you. Eddie’s hair was a frizzy mess from sleeping with it loose last night. His torso and arms were toned and not overly muscular. You figured he lifted a lot of heavy things having heard he worked at a mechanics shop now. Blotches of scars were on his arms and torso from where the demobats had feasted on his flesh but you didn’t find them repulsive. It made Eddie look rugged in a way. Even if his nipple and his chest tattoos had suffered because of it. His rings were absent, most likely sitting on your bedside table now.

“Like what you see?”

You moved your eyes away from Eddie’s chest to look at his face. He smiled at you. A kind, warm smile like you guys had known one another a long time. His big chocolate orbs watched you carefully but as he shifted the sun caught his eyes, turning them amber. You chuckled at the scrunch of his nose and the squint of his eyes as they were invaded by the sun. You stood up, moving to your window and pulling the sheer curtains together. “I like natural light.” You told him, returning to your seat.

Eddie hummed, picking up your hand and kissing your knuckles. “Thank you for breakfast.” He murmured with another bright smile.

“You brought me dinner last night. It’s only fair.” You reason with a small shrug. When you finish your meal you put your plate in the sink and refill your mug before retiring to your couch once again under your blanket. Eddie joins you moments later, slipping under your blanket and shifting closer to you, arm around your shoulders. You turned the TV on, finding something to watch as you sip your coffee. You only look away when a gentle tap comes to your chin and you turn your head, Eddie lips pressing to yours.

“Forgot to properly tell you good morning.” He murmured against your lips.

You feel your face warm, kissing Eddie again. “Good morning,” You murmured.

“Good morning,”

—-------------------------

You and Eddie spent the day together. You watched TV, made lunch and finally talked about what you would both be doing. Eddie offered a no strings attached experience, explaining that he would provide you with the experience of what it was like to have a boyfriend and whatever else you might like at no cost to you besides your time.

“You don’t want anything?” You asked, raising a brow at the boy.

Eddie nodded his head. “Nothing.”

“There has to be something you want to be doing this.”

Eddie hummed and shook his head again. “I’m getting it already.”

“What?”

He smiled at you and reached for your hand. “What I want… is you.” He murmured, “Stupid, I know. Me being an option but I’m happy just… filling the role for you. Til you find what you want.”

That was the thing. You didn’t know what you wanted. You wanted to be loved, yes. Someone who wanted you. Which Eddie claimed he was that person. Someone who wanted you. That was something difficult for you to grasp. Why would someone want somebody as imperfect as you are? You were a burden, an issue. Or simply just the thing in the corner that was easily ignored. You simply nodded at Eddie’s words though and leaned over, pressing your lips to his even if you didn’t believe a word he said.

...

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#kristen’s author recs #kristen’s fic recs #I feel seen and heard and this is everything to me

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wroteclassicaly · 2 years ago

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Part One, Part Two, Part Three

Saving this post for future use!

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rrat-king · 2 months ago

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Scar Tissue

trackerbees, 5k, post junior year, getting back together

read chapter two here!

#d20 #fhjy #dimension 20 #fantasy high #kristen applebees #tracker o'shaughnessey #trackerbees #fic rec #my writing #fantasy high fanfic

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highfiveheroes · 5 months ago

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late night rec for my own fic i just reread it and cried. god i love kristen and gorgug. anyway they died together and they don’t talk about it as much as they should

help, i’m still at the restaurant

#the box writes #kristen chilis applebees #kristen applebees fantasy high #kristen applebees #gorgug #gorgug fantasy high #gorgug thistlespring #thistlebees #applespring #d20 fantasy high #fantasy high #dimension twenty #d20 #d20 posting #d20 fanfic

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wroteclassicaly · 11 months ago

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I was screaming and crying and cartwheeling! Holy shit, babe! I’ve never felt more seen or heard, especially during these parts;

Like, are you in my brain? I’m absolutely in tears and forever grateful for my new comfort fic and it’s amazing author!

Angel of the First Degree - Chapter 5: Buzzkill

Eddie Munson x Chubby & Inexperienced!Reader 5879 words A sneak peek at what to expect from this fic here

Previous Chapters: 1 - Valium; 2 - Carrie; 3: Honey; 4: Starcourt

Warnings: Anxiety; fatphobia including internalised; drug use; bullying; body issues; discussion of body function and fluids; period shame/stigma; disclosure of sexual assault (chapter 2); disordered eating and thoughts of food; shitty/abusive/critical parents; porn magazines; mild smut; no beta; warnings updated each chapter

Synopsis: When Eddie Munson finds you in the midst of a panic attack, it is the beginning of something. A fic featuring body and sex positivity, Eddie in a dress, soft small moments, scary big truths, and all the usual special feelings you’d expect from one of my stories.

Chapter Summary: Time to face the fallout of the night before, and to step boldly (and topless) into the next phase of your relationship with Eddie.

There wasn’t anything graceful about the way you had fallen asleep in Eddie’s arms. The exhaustion had knocked you out, turning you into dead weight. Eddie had carefully slipped you onto the mattress and tucked you in.

He wasn’t anywhere near close to tired. The anger was simmering inside him, no healthy avenue for escape. While you slept, he got stoned out of his mind. After he ate an entire tub of ice cream and two packets of chips, he threw up just off the porch while he tried to smoke a cigarette.

In the small bathroom, he looked at his reflection. How lines and shapes wouldn’t settle. How he looked like he’d been dragged through hell. He fucking hated your parents. You’d been so happy on the weekend. And, on Monday he heard you telling the freshmen about Build-a-Bear, about how when Suzie came to visit Dustin, or Mike to El, they should have a date there. “I don’t know if it’s something Max would be into,” you’d told Lucas apologetically.

You’d been sunshine smiles and free flowing kisses and happy.

Fuck your parents for taking that. So, yeah, he hated them.

Eddie usually avoided the feeling of hate. It would be too easy to become bitter and sad if he let hate in. His mum. Dad. Half the fucking town. No, Eddie Munson didn’t hate. But he seethed with the feeling whenever he thought about your parents.

Eddie brushed his teeth, the minty toothpaste making him feel sick again, so he resigned to an early night, laying down next to you and watching your chest rise and fall. The only thing quelling the hate, keeping it mute, was the love he had for you.

Eddie focused on that until his eyelids grew heavy and sleep finally took him.

The next morning, Eddie waited for you to talk about what had happened or acknowledge the fact that you’d slept over, but you didn’t. You simply got up, dressed and made toast for the both of you.

“Come on, we’ll be late,” you urged when Eddie was taking his sweet time looking for his second Reebok, half-assing it at best.

The drive to school was quiet, silence eaten up by The Cure. You could tell Eddie was on edge, one of his ringed fingers tapping on the steering wheel nervously. There was nothing to say, you thought. He knew what had happened and let you crash the night. After school, you’d go back home to your parents and the cycle would inevitably repeat again. That’s just how it was.

“I love you,” Eddie said when you took a step away from him at your locker after a kiss that felt like it was saying something Eddie wouldn’t dare to.

“I love you too,” you replied with a small nod.

“You sure you’re… okay?”

“I’m fine. Really. It’s… whatever. I’m fine.” It was easy to see your best attempt at convincing had fallen flat.

Eddie watched the clock all day.

Eddie had never, not once in his life, wanted a day at Hawkins High to go slowly, but every minute that went by brought him closer to the moment he’d have to let you go home. His stomach flipped when the final bell rang.

“It will be better this way,” you said as you headed to the bus. “If they don’t see me get off it, they know you dropped me home. Even if they don’t see you,”

“Yeah, I get it. But I don’t have to like it,” he said, truly pouting. You kissed again, ignoring the wolf whistles and fake sick sounds from the line of students getting on the bus.

“One more day. Then it’s the weekend.”

As you parted from him and climbed the bus steps, Eddie moved to lean against the bike racks lined up near the sidewalk. He watched you take a seat close to the driver. He’d always been a back seat kind of guy, but you knew there was safety near the adult in charge. Also, the least amount of teenagers you had to walk by on shaky ground, the better.

The bus departed and disappeared from view. Eddie sat on the curb in the orange afternoon glow, lit a cigarette, and thought of you.

…

The cool metal of your locker door felt good against Eddie’s cheek. He pressed into it, eyes closed, leaning against the wall for support. He was hungover, felt both tired and overslept. Someone threw something at him, “Freak,” a ball of paper at a guess, but Eddie’s eyes stayed closed.

After he’d put you on the bus home, he’d made his way back to his trailer and got blackout drunk. It was an effort to arrive at school Friday with enough time to see you in the morning. But there he was.

The bell rang for homeroom and you’d not shown up. The hallways cleared of students, but Eddie remained. He sunk to the floor and waited until fifteen minutes of the first period had gone by before making his way to class. He decided that if he hadn’t seen you by lunch, he’d leave to go look for you.

As Eddie launched himself from his chair, he stacked it, landing hard on the ground of his Biology class. He was too laser focused on leaving to care that everyone laughed, Jason calling out some bullshit as Eddie was off in the direction of the cafeteria.

“Thank FUCK!” Eddie’s loud voice drew the attention of the entire room. Eddie cleared his throat, made a weird saluting gesture to everyone, then quickly jogged to the Hellfire table.

“Angel,”

“Hey,” you greeted.

Eddie was grabbing you by the arms, fingers digging in, pulling you up into a tight hug. It was too tight, you felt trapped and hot, but you also felt loved. Needed. Wanted. Missed. Worshipped.

“Where’ve you been?” Eddie asked, face pressed into your hair.

“What? Here?”

“You weren’t at your locker,”

“Yeah. I had to go hand in my Classics thing,” you said.

Fuck. He’d forgotten. You had an essay on character development or lack thereof in The Odyssey. Eddie had listened to you explain that Telemachus, son of Odysseus, was the only person in the story to really change and grow because of what he went through.

“Right, fuck. Yeah. Sorry,”

“S’okay. Are you okay?”

There were shadows under his eyes and knots in his curls that weren’t normally there. You reached out for his hair, brushing it through with your fingers. Eddie dragged his chair closer to you and let you fix him.

“Yeah, just…” His usual wit and fox-clever timing were clouded by the night before.

“Hungover?” you guessed.

Eddie looked guilty, but you weren’t angry. Firstly, you were worried. Secondly, you were confused. But it wasn’t the time or the place. You continued to detangle his hair, running your nails across his scalp to elicit shivers from him. Eddie hummed happily.

“We’ll talk later, okay?” you said quietly. Eddie nodded and leaned into your touch even more.

Eddie had told you before, on multiple occasions, that the Hellfire boys looked out for each other. Sometimes it was big and obvious, like standing up to a bully or covering for them to a teacher. Sometimes, like it was that day, it was small kindness.

It was all the guys seeing something was off, pretending that they weren’t that hungry and had other places to be. It was a pile of food left for Eddie because he was clearly too much of a mess to bring anything to eat. It was you and him being left alone at the table to care for each other in silence and love. You had to hand it to Eddie, he sure did know how to curate a group of special lost sheep.

After school, you climbed into the passenger seat of Eddie’s van and waited for him. When you spotted him walking across the parking lot, Jeff at his side, you smiled to yourself. They came to your window, which you had wound down.

“Hey angel,” Eddie greeted, leaning in to kiss you. “Gonna give Jeff a lift over to Family Video, then we can go home, ‘kay?”

You nodded and moved to climb into the back.

“Ah, no, angels in the front. Jeffs in the back. Those are the rules,” Eddie said, sliding the back door open and pushing Jeff in.

“Sorry,” you said, turning in your seat and looking over at your friend.

Jeff shrugged, then held his hand out flat at his head level. “You,” he said, then lowered his hand a bit. “The band.” Lower. “Hellfire.” Lower. “Everything else,”

“You forgot Wayne,” you told him. “He’d be top of the pyramid.”

Jeff made a ‘mmmmm’ sound that meant ‘I don’t know about that.’

Eddie had rounded the van and jumped into the driver’s seat. It wasn’t far to Family Video, but it took longer because you had to listen to the two guitarists say phrases like “did you see how he pulled the G string with his teeth?” “yeah, but he’s fingering is too fast, I lose it every time,” “I need you to get dirtier though,” and “the dude said I need to have a better relationship with my wang bar,” without laughing.

As Eddie pulled up, you were chewing a fingernail trying to keep it in. He looked across at you. “What’s… this?” he asked and vaguely motioned to all of you.

“Wang bar,” you whispered.

Eddie’s face broke out into an ear-to-ear grin. “Mind out of the gutter! Just another name for the whammy bar.”

You giggled stupidly as Jeff got out of the van and waved goodbye. As soon as he was out of earshot, Eddie informed you that he was meeting a girl to pick out movies.

“Jeff has a date?!”

“Sounds like it. Said she’s moved in across the road from him,”

“I should tell him about Build-a-Bear,” you said, trying to see if you could spot Jeff and the mystery girl inside Family Video as Eddie pulled out onto the road.

Eddie bit back a smile. “So, are we doing a covert drop off, or can I steal you until curfew?”

“Actually… I have a surprise. My parents had to go to Indianapolis today, because Dad’s brother got put in hospital with kidney stones last night. And there’s nobody to go feed his dog and let him out the apartment. Well, there’s his ex-wife but she hates him because he’s, like, well he’s just like Dad, so. But yeah, she wouldn’t do it. So, they went today, but now my uncle isn’t getting out until Monday, so they have to go take him stuff and stay over. They won’t be home until tomorrow.”

It was probably too much information, but you were excited.

“I didn’t know you had an uncle,” Eddie said.

Not the reaction you expected. “I never see him because he lives in the city and he’s an asshole. Not even Dad likes him,”

“Kidney stones, huh? Heard that’s meant to be real painful.”

Still not the reaction you were looking for. “He has to try to pee them out,”

“Fuuuck… And, uhhh, what kind of dog is it?”

“Eddie!” you yelled, immediately getting laughter from him. “Stop it!”

“Stop what?” he asked innocently. You huffed, frowned, and crossed your arms across your chest. “Okay, okay. Sorry. So what you’re telling me is that there is no curfew? That I can keep you all to myself all night?”

“Ah-huh,”

“Well, fuck, angel. Why didn’t you just say so?!”

When you made a frustrated, high-pitched sound, Eddie laughed even harder.

In his trailer, Eddie found a note from Wayne saying he went to get dinner with a mate before his shift at the plant. ‘Frozen pizzas are defrosting in the sink. Salad pack’s in the fridge. Need to get ya shit together Ed. Eat some vegetables. – W’

You re-read it a few times. “What’s he mean?” you called out to Eddie, who had disappeared into his bedroom. “Is this about last night? He doesn’t normally give you shit so easy, does he?” You walked the hall and stood in Eddie’s doorway, leaning against the frame.

Eddie was changing into sweatpants and a clean t-shirt. “Um, no. He’s just… worried.”

You nodded and sat on the bed, taking your shoes off and moving to sit on the pillows against the wall. “You’re hungover,” you stated.

Eddie pretended to look for something, moving from drawer to drawer. “Not anymore,”

“You don’t drink on school nights,”

“Uh, yeah, no. Not normally,” he agreed, sitting on the carpeted floor and pulling things from under his bed, only to push them back into the dark.

“Was it because of me?” you asked, voice quiet.

Eddie stopped, looked up at you. “No, baby. S’not your fault,” he said firmly, getting up and joining you on the bed. He sat next to you, took your hand as you rested your head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about Wayne. I’m normally good at… pacing myself. Two nights in a row is a Munson red flag,”

“Two nights? But I was here Wednesday,”

“Yeah. You were asleep and I was… Pissed off. Not at you! At your parents. The world. Whatever. I got a bit too high. Chucked outside. Would have got away with it, but that fuckin’ park dog was eating it when Wayne got home.”

You whined, screwed up your face. “That’s… really fucking gross.”

Eddie grinned. “Yeah… yeah, it is,”

“And last night?”

Eddie was too introspective and it fucked him up a little bit sometimes. Most of the time, it was a good thing. Emotional intelligence is a surprisingly useful quality in a drug dealer. It meant, however, that he knew why he opened a bottle of cheap beer and didn’t stop. It meant he had to be honest with you.

“I was still angry, but I got… sad. I got home an’ couldn’t focus on anything. I was thinking about you going home to them. About if you were gonna get grilled about where you’d spent the night. About what they would be sayin’ about me… About what you deserve. I was just… sad. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

You’d begun to cry, the tears silently drawing wet lines down your face. “I’m sorry,”

“No, angel,” Eddie said softly. “You don’t have to say shit. It’s not your fault. I’m fine. I’m okay. Like I said, just something Wayne picks up on.”

There were a lot of things you were thinking and feeling, but it was all a mess inside your head and you didn’t know how to stop them moving around long enough to grasp onto. You just held Eddie’s hand tighter.

“Was it bad? With your parents?” Eddie asked, unable to live with not knowing any longer.

“I… Um, I don’t really know? It wasn’t like on Wednesday. I think… maybe because that was bad they didn’t want to, like, repeat it. Dad ignored me when I got home. He pretty much won’t look at me now. He said some stuff at dinner.”

Specifically, he had said that perhaps it was good that you had put on weight, that you would fit in with the other trailer park women. Except, he didn’t use the word women.

“What about your mum?”

She had said you smelt dirty.

“About the same. It’s… It’s like, stupid, because I’m not doing anything bad. Like, what would they do if I was a bad kid, you know?”

Eddie nodded. “I know. It’s fucked,”

“I think they were…” You almost said what you hadn’t even let yourself acknowledge in thought. The tears were hot and salty, burning your eyes. You sniffed, trying to pull the snot back up into your nose. If you just said it, maybe it wouldn’t feel so bad. “I think Dad was so close… to… you know…”

Eddie was shaking, but your own efforts to stop yourself from crying made you oblivious. If you wanted to say it, he’d let you, but it was excruciating to hear.

“Hitting me... that he freaked himself out. I don’t know,” you finished.

Eddie was quiet for a moment, then pulled you onto his lap, curled his arms around you, and held you close. Weirdly, you did feel better after verbalising it. You controlled the crying and slowly started to breathe easier.

“Surprised you’re not banned from seeing me.”

You chewed your lip and played with Eddie’s pick necklace. “What… What do we do if that happens?”

Eddie didn’t let himself think about it. “Dunno. Don’t need to worry about shit that hasn’t happened yet, okay? What we need to worry about is if you’re too chicken to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”

Your head shot up and you looked at Eddie outraged. “I am not chicken!”

…

When your parents returned from Indianapolis, you avoided them. They argued about the money they had spent on the hotel room. Your father blamed your mother, said she was too much of a control freak to stay in the same house as a dog. Your mother blamed your father, it was his brother they were there for after all.

Neither of them told you how your uncle was, not that you cared. You read about kidney stones in a medical book while Eddie completed a practice test. You kept time and walked around the school library, bored. The book told you they were indeed painful, and part of you hoped your uncles were hard to pass. There was a small spark of joy when reading that there was a genetic component; maybe your father would get them too.

The days of avoiding your parents turned to a couple of weeks. The quietness wasn’t a comforting one, though. It felt like the calm before the storm. Something wicked this way comes. You took your wins where you could. And the fact that you were supremely distracted by all things Eddie was one of those wins.

Eddie’s hold on your body was like a vice grip. His kisses were deep; sometimes it felt like he was trying to map your mouth with his tongue. The way he held your hand was needy. It was all adding up to a feeling you knew he had. An insurmountable desire. A carnal need.

The only thing that rivalled Eddie’s want was yours.

It wasn’t enough anymore. It didn’t matter how long you made out for, how many bruises he left just under your collar, you were never satisfied. When kisses ended and you stared at each other, breathless and shaky, you knew what the other was thinking.

Eddie was all caught up in his head about it. He wanted to ask clearly and specifically if you wanted more. To go further. But he didn’t want to ruin the fun of spontaneity. He didn’t want to be presumptuous. He didn’t want you to feel pressured.

Of course, you knew he was navigating the minefield of you and your body. Despite trusting Eddie, you couldn’t muster the courage needed to just tell him yes. Yes, you were ready to take off a few more layers. Yes, you wanted him to explore. Yes to further.

The best you could do was make vague comments about things with the hope Eddie would play along.

“I don’t think other girls have snail trails.”

Eddie was starfished on his bed. At your sentence, he sat up and watched you as you stood in front of his mirror, lifting your shirt to examine your belly.

“Can I see?” he asked.

You moved next to the bed. Eddie slid to the edge and held your hips, pulling you to stand between his legs. He pushed your shirt up and smiled at the dark but sparse hairs that went from your belly button downwards, disappearing into the top hem of your pyjama pants.

“See?”

“I see… a very cute tummy,” Eddie said, looking up at you. God, that look burned. He grinned, a cat with its cream, then softly kissed your stomach a few slow times. “And I see your snail trail, and I think it does what it’s meant to,”

“What do you mean? What’s it meant to do?”

Eddie shrugged. “Like how eyebrows keep sweat from rollin’ into your eyes,”

“What? Is that even true?” you asked. Eddie was fifty percent weird but true facts, fifty percent eloquent bullshit.

“Yeah. And eyelashes are to stop shit getting in your eyes. Everything’s doin’ something,”

“Okay… so what do snail trails do?”

“Obviously,” he started, rolling his head around dramatically. “They’re a trail to follow. Breadcrumbs, you know?” Eddie’s fingers slowly began to twitch around your hips. “A pathway to heaven, baby girl.”

Before you could stop him, he’d caught you in an attack of tickles, pulling you onto the bed with him. You squealed with laughter. Yelling, “Never call me that again!”

“S’not sexy?” Eddie asked, pausing the attack but not moving from where he had you pinned. You shook your head, a firm no. “Whaaaat about… Sweet cheeks?”

“Absolutely not,”

“Hot stuff?”

“No,”

“Foxy lady?”

You pulled a face. Eddie continued, finding more pet names to amuse and disgust you. Every couple of entries to the list, you gave him an ‘eh maybe’ shrug.

“So, we’re sticking with angel then?”

“Yes, please,” you answered sugar sweet.

“Alright… And, ah, as for your snail trail,” Eddie said, letting himself fall to lay beside you. “Other girls do have ‘em.” He moved to rest his head on your stomach, close enough to follow the trail and leave kisses as he went.

“How do you know? Girls in magazines don’t.”

Eddie considered his options. He could pull out some dirty magazines and show you that, in fact, some women do have snail trails. Alternatively, he could admit that in his limited but no less valid experience, women in the real world do too. Either way, you needed proof.

“Maybe not in yours. But… in mine…” Eddie offered.

You propped yourself up and looked at him. “Show me,” you demanded.

“Promise not to judge? Can’t call me a pervert or anything,” he said as he rolled off the bed and went digging under it.

You sat up and bounced with excitement. Eddie shot you a look. “Yeah, I promise. Of course,” you said quickly.

As soon as he produced a couple, you were greedily flipping through the pages. Some of the women were the stereotypical ideal of what a woman should be. Most of the women, however, were not. Apparently, Eddie looked for diversity in his porn.

“See?” he said smugly.

It was the inception of the idea that maybe there was nothing unique about your body. Maybe you were just like all the women that had come before you and would exist after you. It was an entirely comforting thought, borderline revolutionary.

“You wanna see my favourite?” Eddie asked.

It hadn’t even really occurred to you to look at the sex of it all. That’s what the magazine was selling, after all. The women were posed, promising something through the lens of the camera that could never be delivered.

These magazines were Eddie’s. They weren’t casual reading. The thought of how he used them made you feel unsteady. But, there he was, willing to be honest with you. Yet again inviting you into another part of his world with no expectation on your part.

When you nodded, Eddie flipped through a couple of pages, leaving it open on a double-page spread of a woman with a body not entirely unlike yours. She was proportioned in a way you felt made her more beautiful than you, but Eddie would argue that point if you let him.

Although she was naked, she’d been styled to look like a 50s pinup girl. A curled fringe and plastic tiger ears sat on her head. Obscenely red lips. Her long red nails were drawing attention to the shiny stretch marks that cut across her thighs and stomach.

“I have those…” you said, the thought coming from your mouth before you’d even registered it in your mind. “Only on my legs though.”

Eddie said nothing, but his lips curved into a smile as he watched you try to comprehend the fact that your body was normal. Another truth, one harder to digest, but maybe your body was desirable.

As Eddie stood up to flip the cassette in his tape deck around, you swapped magazines and continued your education.

“Should I be jealous?”

His voice made you jump. He’d leaned over and whispered in your ear, laughing when you squeaked.

“Eddie!”

He was still laughing as he climbed onto the bed, taking the magazine from you and pushing them all away. You let him do it, then followed him to lay down, head on the pillows.

“You don’t need to be jealous,” you told him.

Eddie reached out and held your face in his hand, running his thumb along your bottom lip. You opened your mouth and took his thumb between your teeth.

“No? Just me then?”

You nodded, closing your lips around his thumb and sucking. Eddie’s pupils blew out, darkening his already deep brown eyes. When you let go of him, he quickly replaced his hand with his mouth, kissing you and pulling you into him.

“Can I… Ah, would it be okay if… Your shirt.” You’d never heard Eddie that breathless, an almost whiny note to his voice. It did things to you, caught you between wanting to tease him sweetly and drag it out, and give in and let him do anything he wanted to you.

“Yeah, and yours,” you answered.

Eddie’s skin felt hot against yours.

“Do you want to, to keep that on or, ah…?” he asked. Eddie’s fingers were hooked under the straps of your bra.

On a breath out, you told him, “Off. You can take it off,”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Yep.”

Eddie was gentle, letting you shimmy out of your bra. He kissed the lines it had left along your shoulders, checking on you as he wriggled lower. Your eyes had closed, tongue poking out from between your lips in anticipation. Eddie smiled as he kissed along your neck and down past the point where you used to spend time wishing visible collarbones would appear.

“Good?” he checked.

“Yeah.”

The kisses turned into a feeling you didn’t recognise. He was sucking, which in theory sounded strange but in practice felt good. When he licked along your nipple, then blew onto it, the cold made you shiver and the feeling made you whimper a little. The sound went through Eddie like a lightning bolt.

“I love you so fucking much,” he said into your chest, the words tickling against your skin. “I wanna… wanna touch you and make you feel good and… fuck.”

Eddie was unravelling and you loved it, laughing at his neediness. The happy sound just spurred him on. He kissed up and down your arms, across your chest, and licked a wet line down your snail trail, stopping at the waistband.

“Fuck,” he said again, pressing his forehead against your belly and stopping himself from doing anything more.

“Hi,” you cooed as he joined you back up on the pillows.

“Hi. Sorry. I, ah-”

“Don’t say sorry,”

“Okay, but, um, we should… Ah… I should ask you…” The fact that you didn’t know what exactly he was saying was evidence enough that he definitely did need to slow down and talk. Eddie studied your open expression. “This is the… most you’ve… done.”

It wasn’t a question, but you nodded. “Yeah,”

“Right, so I just want to make sure you’re good. That’s everything’s good,”

“Everything’s good, Eddie,” you whisper, smiling, still not quite on the same page as him.

“Okay… Okay, but, um, I don’t know if it matters… But, um, it feels like I should tell you that it’s not, like, that for me.”

Eddie watched your smile drop as your expression went completely neutral. A painful second then two ticked by.

“You mean, like, everything?” you asked. Eddie nodded. It hurt, but the hurt quickly turned to guilt because you didn’t want to be like that, didn’t want to care.

“It’s not been like this though. Nobody’s like you… Do you want me to tell you about ‘em?”

“Them? More than one?”

“Angel,” Eddie said, his voice low and soothing. He pulled you close and kissed you hard. “I’ve never loved someone before. Never wanted someone like I want you. I promise. I fuckin’ swear on Ozzy and Ronnie and… on Wayne. I love you,”

“I know. It’s okay. I’m okay,” you said, annoyed that Eddie could tell you were upset.

“Lemme tell you. Seriously. You’ll get it then,” he swore. You nodded. “First time was last year. I was at a show in Louisville. Made some friends and went back to someone’s house. We were all drunk and I ended up in some girl’s bed. I was… terrible, but she was nice about it and that was that,”

“Was it her first time?” you asked. Eddie shook his head no. “Did you, like, stay in contact?”

“No. She was, ah, like, twenty-one, two, maybe? She got pissed when I told her how old I was, which is fair, but it wasn’t like either of us talked much before, so… Yeah…” Eddie shrugged like the memory held no emotion. Honestly, it didn’t really.

It made more sense to you why Eddie wanted you to feel special. Why he was concerned with communication.

“That was in… March, maybe? Then in the Fall, I met this girl who was visiting family. Like, in Hawkins. She was here for a week over Halloween. We hung out a couple times. Messed around, you know?”

There were so many questions you wanted to ask, but you wanted Eddie to think you were totally chill. Wanting to know everything was probably weird, right?

“Okay,” you said.

Eddie narrowed his eyes at you, lifted his chin a little – two tells that he was suspicious. “Just okay? You don’t want to, like, ask anything?” You shook your head. “It’s okay if you do. If it were you, I’d be going crazy. I’d need every detail.”

You bit your lip and gave in. “Was it her first time?”

“Nah. She had just broken up with her boyfriend… I was probably her rebellious rebound thing,”

“How many times did you… have sex,”

“Like, sex sex? Um… three. Yeah, three…” Eddie could see your mind going a hundred miles an hour. “Her name was Eve. We didn’t have much in common, except being bored. And, uh, we didn’t swap numbers or anythin’ like that.”

Eddie was right. It did help to know. Your mind would have filled in the blanks with stories vastly different from the truth.

“Believe me, it’s never been like this. Just this, today, is a million times better than anything I’ve done before. I promise,”

“Yeah, ‘kay,”

“Yeah?” he asked, purposefully fluttering his eyelashes and giving you puppy dog eyes.

“Yeah. I’m good,”

“Alright… Was that a bit of a buzzkill?”

“No! No. I’m-” you started to answer, but Eddie caught you in a kiss.

“Take a second,” he instructed.

Predictably, you did as you were told. Listening to your body, you could feel you weren’t as franticly turned on anymore, but your buzz wasn’t necessarily killed either. The problem was that you didn’t really know how to say that, so you just shrugged.

Eddie nodded, almost too seriously, knowingly. “Well… I have some questions… If you’re okay to keep... talking,” he offered.

“What kind of questions?”

Eddie grinned, happy to hear the right tone in your voice. “Liiiiiiike, when we… do this again, what do you want to do?”

“What are my options?” you cheekily asked back.

Eddie laughed. “I don’t exactly have a menu prepared, but I can whip one up if I’d make you happy,” he joked.

“With codewords,”

“What, like, order pancakes and I’ll have your shirt off in seconds?” He leans down and kissed the rise of your breasts in illustration. It makes you laugh and squirm. “Seriously though… I wanna know… like, what you’re good for,”

“What if I don’t know?”

“Do you know?”

You wished Eddie could just read your mind. Despite genuinely being comfortable and totally excited at the thought of doing anything with him, it was stupidly hard to just verbalise your thoughts.

“Um. It’s more like… What happens if I think I know and we go to do that but then it changes?”

“Then it changes. That’s normal. Nobody wants the same things all the time. I don’t. Well. I do. I want you all the time-”

“Oh my god, shut up,” you laughed, pushing him away when he tried his puppy dog look again.

“You love me,” he countered. “Seriously. You say the word, no matter what we’re doing, we stop. Completely or just for a minute. Whatever,”

“Okay… What’s the word?” you asked. Eddie’s head turned a bit, confused. “The… safe word?”

Eddie’s face lit up. “Oh. Oh, you know what a safe word is, huh? Not so innocent after all? Not so angelic,” he teased, tickling your sides, making you squeal and your tits bounce fantastically. Eddie stopped, let you breathe. “What do you want it to be?”

You tried to think of a very unsexy word. “Basketball.”

Eddie laughed, nodding. “That’s… yeah… That will do it.”

Eddie sighed, closed the space between you once again, kissing your neck, trying to fight the urge to leave love bites. “What’s your feeling about hickies?” he asked, thought straight from brain to mouth.

“My parents would freak.”

He knew that, hence the urge-fighting. “What about if they couldn’t see them?”

Eddie kissed down. One of his arms snaked around you, holding you close. With his free hand, he cupped you, his thumb running gently back and forth over the nipple. The other got the attention of his mouth. Your eyes screw shut and your head lolled back.

“Is that a yes?” he asked, mouth hot against your skin.

“Yes. Please,” you answered.

You could feel him smile into you. “Don’t gotta use your manners with me.”

It didn’t feel like you were just killing time before the main event. The hours slipped by so quickly, topless and warm and wanted in Eddie’s bed. He never grew bored of you. The little gasps or giggles. The rose petal softness of your skin. The trust you had in him. And you had never been happier.

Later, when you replayed the night in your head on a loop, you realised there were moments where you weren’t just tolerant of your body, but thankful for it. For its chubby size - your chest, more than a handful for Eddie to paw at and fawn over. For its inexperience – every fingertip run down your spine felt brand new and special. For its existence – for getting you through life and to the point where you could be that close to Eddie Munson, the sweetest boy you’d ever know and the only one to make you ache in a way that was still making you blush.

NEXT CHAPTER: 6 - Monsterous

End Note: Still feeling incredibly self-conscious about smut, particularly vocab (tits versus breasts versus boobs is killing me). I lowkey beg for feedback, please.

Also, find me and my Eddie zine that Joseph Quinn has personally seen and approved over on my Insta.

Fic Taglist: @ajeff855 @b-barnes04 @eddie-munson-is-a-sweetheart @nerd-squad-headquarters @word-wytch @harrys-tittie @munsonsmel0dy @sidthedollface2 @eddiethesexy

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#thank you for sharing this with us #kristen’s fic recs

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