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gregorygerwitz · 6 months ago

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Other Moustead + I will give you a treat if you just lay down and go to sleep.

hello, love! you already know this, but this is a follow up fic to a simple distraction. it expands on a story that Mouse tells in that fic, and deals with the aftermath of the events of it, so I do recommend reading that one first!

[ i’m in a Will/Mouse prompt mood ]

[ text | from: Will ] I know sneaking out in the morning is your thing but I wish you had at least finished the water [ text | from: Will ] how's the hangover? [ text | from: Will ] alright I know how to take a hint [ text | from: Will ] you don't have to respond to any of this if you don't want to [ text | from: Will ] but you know where to find me if you want to talk [ text | from: Will ] stay safe, okay?

[ text | from: Jay ] hey, haven't seen you since the party [ text | from: Jay ] wanna meet up for lunch this week? [ text | from: Jay ] I was hoping to ask you something [ text | from: Jay ] you can pick the place if you want [ text | from: Jay ] if you're too busy it's okay, just give me a call

[ text | from: Will ] I know you hate it when he does but Jay is really worried [ text | from: Will ] text him back, please [ text | from: Will ] you can come over for a drink after if you want [ text | from: Will ] do I get any brownie points for warning you that his question is wedding related?

[ text | to: Jay ] sorry, life's been hectic [ text | to: Jay ] what's up? [ text | from: Jay ] you're cutting it close [ text | from: Jay ] I know there's less than a month until the wedding [ text | from: Jay ] but you weren't exactly getting back to me [ text | from: Jay ] wanna be a groomsman? I can swing it so your aisle partner is Kim [ text | to: Jay ] I'd be honored [ text | to: Jay ] get me all the info [ text | to: Jay ] I'll clear the entire weekend for it [ text | from: Jay ] hell yeah [ text | from: Jay ] take it easy until then, alright? [ text | from: Jay ] I don't need you looking like shit in pictures because you're pushing yourself too hard [ text | from: Jay ] I'll email you everything and make sure all the reservations get updated [ text | from: Jay ] I love you, man

[ read the rest below or on ao3 ]

Mouse had managed to avoid anyone from his previous life in Chicago for almost four months. He could ignore texts and phone calls, focus his attention on finding an apartment and a job, and pretend there was no old life to acknowledge in the first place. But there were only so many texts and calls he could ignore before they started coming from other people, too. It was probably only a matter of time before officers showed up at his door for a wellness check.

Besides, even using what disposable income he had to buy something that would get him around the city didn't completely distract him from the ache he still lived with.

He could have taken the offer to ride out to the property with Kim and Adam, meet their daughter during the drive that would take a few hours, but he was still trying to stick to his plan. He didn't want to get comfortable in that old life again, not when he would be ignoring everyone again after the wedding. He didn't even really want to go to the wedding, but it would have been cruel to deny his best friend his support, and he was hurt, not cruel. Just the weekend around everyone would be too much, and he was thankful that he'd have a hotel room to himself - a perk of not having a plus one to bring along.

Instead, he took his impulse purchase of a motorcycle on the road. He had to drive from Chicago to Wisconsin, to the cabin he'd actually been to once. It was hours of feeling the wind, listening to nothing else but the rush of air, and feeling the hum of the bike underneath him. It was great, more than enough to focus on that wasn't where he was going and what he would be there to do. It wasn't a perfect distraction, but it wasn't like he could go around hooking up with random guys all over the city. One rejection too many had stopped that habit in its tracks.

Riding alone to the property also meant that Mouse could time things so that he was a little late. Being late meant he could avoid seeing anyone when he showed up. The wedding and reception would be at the cabin, and from what he understood, Jay and Hailey would be spending their honeymoon there, too. But that meant everyone else had to stay off site, both before and after the ceremony. The details were vague, but the hotel rooms were a treat from Will, something about some reward from an FBI investigation, not that he'd asked any questions about it. If he could help it, he wouldn't talk about or to Will Halstead all weekend long.

At least, that was the plan until he met Jay in the lobby.

"I've been trying to get ahold of you for the last two hours."

"I can't see my notifications when I'm on my bike. I was focusing on the road."

"Yeah. Thanks for being safe," Jay said while he stepped forward, holding out a key card with a small frown. "That doesn't change the fact that there was an issue with the booking. I told Will to add another room, and he said he did, but then the hotel was overbooked-"

"Jay, hold on." Mouse took the key while he shook his head, his helmet tucked under his arm. "What does that mean? Who am I bunking with? Please don't say Kim and Adam..."

"First of all, Mack is more than old enough to sleep through the night, but no. We already had to put Kevin with them. We're three rooms short from what Will booked."

"Okay. So who am I stuck with?"

"Will."

The answer made him pause, and he almost handed the key back so that he could go back out to his bike. He would find his own motel room down the road for the weekend, get the solitude that he needed, and have minimal interaction with the rest of the wedding party. But that would be really hard to explain to Jay. What would he even say? No, I can't room with your brother. I tried to hook up with him and he rejected me so I can't actually look him in the eye ever again, let alone be alone in a room with him.

"And it was the last room they had available, so it's not very big. Not even a kitchenette."

"Okay? I'll eat plenty at the reception, then, and order in if I need to."

"Are you sure? It's really small. There's no couch or anything."

"Jay, I have shared a bunk with you under worse circumstances. I'm sure it will be fine. We'll barely be in there anyway."

"And there's only one bed."

No.

He probably could have handled sharing a hotel room under most circumstances. Will was the best man, and Mouse had his own tight schedule with being a part of the wedding party himself. They wouldn't have any time to be alone together when they were actually awake. Falling asleep in the same room and sharing a bathroom wasn't anything more than he'd done with members of his unit overseas. He'd even done it more than once with Jay when they'd come home again. But sharing a bed with the person who had pushed him away and rejected his advances was too far, even for him.

The second to last thing he wanted to do was be stuck in a room with Will Halstead all weekend. The last thing he wanted to do was get back into the same bed as him. He wouldn't survive the weekend if it came to that - at least, he wouldn't want to survive the weekend. Mouse would be watching the man who loved him get married to someone else, and have to sleep next to the man who had rejected even a single night of his company the entire time. Every new piece of information he got about the weekend only made things so much worse.

"Jay, when have I ever had an issue sharing a bed with someone? Besides, as a groomsman, I have a duty to the universe to get laid this weekend."

After using the card to open the door, Mouse leaned in the doorway itself so that he could peer into the room. He faced exactly what he expected to find there.

Will was sitting in the middle of the bed, his laptop perched on his knees while he held a pencil between his teeth. There were sheets of paper and a notebook on top of the blankets, spread out so that every scribble on them could be seen. He didn't even look up when the lock clicked or the door creaked open, at least not that Mouse could tell. He was entirely caught up in what he was doing, not even lifting his gaze when he opened his jaw to drop the pencil into his lap, and it was more attractive than it should have been. It wasn't fair.

"Jay, you might just have to consider that he won't be here tonight. Mouse is a grown adult and he's allowed to be late if something came up."

"I had to stop for gas. I'm not that late, am I?"

Familiar brown eyes finally looked up at him, tearing away from the computer screen for the first time since he'd entered the room. He still hadn't entered, really, lingering half in the doorway and half in the hall. Entering the room fully was dangerous. He could be told to leave, or rejected again, or told off. Leaving in the morning was his oldest habit, but he knew it could hurt from the other side of things. He'd gotten that rant in the middle of a bar before getting a drink thrown in his face. He hurt people, and he felt bad about it, and it would be more than reasonable if Will wanted nothing to do with him.

"Thank god you're here." There was some scrambling, ruffling of papers, long legs in grey sweatpants emerging from the form on the bed so that he could stand up. "I'm trying to finish planning Jay's bachelor party, and some asshole rode in here on the loudest motorcycle I've ever heard in my life. Can you do me a favor and figure out who it is? And tell them off for me? Use some made up army story to scare them, or something, I have work to do."

With a weak smile, Mouse straightened up so he could step into the room completely. He lifted the arm that had been hidden by the doorframe, the helmet he wore when he was riding in his hand. It was half an explanation and half an apology, the words coming out slow and hesitant. "Can't I just say my bad and buy you coffee in the morning, or something?"

Will stared at him for a long moment, blinking while he took in what he saw. The last time he'd seen Mouse, he had been drunk in his bed, wearing jeans and a patterned shirt buttoned up halfway. Now, he was sober and upright, the same jeans on, a different patterned shirt, and a leather jacket that he'd bought mostly as a joke. It just happened to look good on him, so it got worn more than he'd originally intended.

"Since when do you ride a bike like that? Last I heard, Jay was calling you a stereotype and refusing to let you even pass him the keys."

Shrugging, he walked far enough into the room to let the door swing shut behind him. They were properly alone, then, for the first time in more than half a year. It felt normal, as long as he didn't think about it too hard. "I got a good deal on it. It helped that my name is still legally Gregory Gerwitz. With the number on the end. It still means something, to some people."

"At least this time, when someone called you a parent's name, it wasn't in the throes of passion. I assume."

Mouse bit his tongue at the reminder of his weekend in Atlanta, not letting any of it show on his face while he gathered the energy to respond. If he wasn't successful, Will was at least respectful enough not to acknowledge it. "The saleswoman wasn't really my type, no."

"Well, that's something, at least."

"At least." Slowly, Mouse walked across the room to put his bag down next to the desk. He hesitated for a moment before setting his helmet on top of it and taking a seat in the nearby chair. If things between them hadn't been such a mess, he would have sat down on the bed, especially when they were going to be sharing it for multiple nights. He couldn't stop to think about that for very long, or else he'd remember how long it had been since he'd done something like that - which was never. One night was his maximum, historically, and that was something that almost everyone at the wedding that weekend knew. He didn't commit, even temporarily, and he'd left his comfort zone back in Chicago.

"If you need to rest after driving all day, I can finish party planning tomorrow. You might have more ideas than I do, actually."

Mouse watched him for a long moment, his eyes following Will's hands while he gathered up papers and closed his laptop. The last time there had been one queen bed between them, they hadn't exactly shared it, and there hadn't been any part of him that actually wanted to try to navigate that situation again. It was too terrifying to think about, especially when it would be entirely reasonable to throw him out of the hotel room. It wasn't like he was paying for a single penny of the weekend. He'd only rented his tux, and he had to give it back as soon as he was back in the city.

"What?" Will met his gaze with a small smile, shaking his head. "Am I going to wake up to you ignoring my texts and calls for six months again? I don't think that would go over well with Jay. We both have a wedding to be a part of this weekend, and that's kind of hard to do when you're avoiding me, isn't it?"

Dropping his gaze to the carpet at his feet, he bit his tongue and took a slow, deep breath. "You took up a lot of that bed just sitting on it. Is there going to be any room for me? Or are you going to go down the hall and borrow someone's couch?"

"Mouse, if this is because I didn't sleep with you-"

"You didn't even want to breathe the same air as me. It was a little offensive. But you did help prove my point, so thanks for that."

"You were drunk."

"That didn't sway you when we were making out in your kitchen."

"I made a poor decision. Those are allowed every once in a while. I changed my mind when the situation changed."

"Right, my bad." Standing up, Mouse grabbed his helmet with a frown and avoided looking over toward the bed. "You were fine with it until I reminded you that I'm just your brother's whore of a best friend. And then the idea of touching me became the worst idea ever. Fuck this. I'll get a room down the street. And don't worry about planning for me at the bachelor party. I'll make sure I stay far away from you."

"Mouse, wait a minute-"

"Why?" He stopped halfway to the door again, trying to hide how his hands shook. "It isn't enough to make me feel like ass. You have to keep rubbing it in? Can't I just leave without you drawing it out? Do you really hate me that much?"

The quiet that fell between them came on suddenly, and lingered for longer than it needed to. Mouse had plenty of time to flee, and he almost did, except he felt frozen in place. His feet wouldn't move, no matter how much he tried to order them otherwise. It meant he was standing in the exact same spot when Will finally spoke up, keeping his face carefully blank. He was good at that, not showing everything he felt. Practice had made it easy.

"Because... I know what it's like. To have someone have sex with you when they don't actually want you."

"Yeah, whatever, I heard about the failed wedding to Natalie. That's not really the same thing."

"I'm not talking about Natalie. I'm talking about the boyfriend I had in college."

That was almost enough to make him drop the bag in some kind of shock. It would be rude, but that didn't mean it didn't almost happen. After hearing about girlfriends like Nina and Natalie and Hannah, the idea of Will Halstead being in any kind of relationship with another man didn't cross his mind. After the night that ended in rejection, Mouse pointedly made sure he didn't think about anything close. A college boyfriend was further out of left field than a foul home run.

"Excuse me?"

"His name was Matt." Will let out a slow breath and looked down at his hands, his voice low. It sounded as careful and controlled as Mouse was desperate for, and it made him stay quiet so that he could just listen. "It was the first time I was ever with a guy. I met him at a party, and I was... pretty drunk, actually."

Slowly, Mouse lowered his bag to the floor again and bit the inside of his cheek while he frowned. "Like... two shots, four beers, and whatever the drink was that Adam bought us a round of drunk?"

"Not quite. More like... my first two beers ever drunk. And I let him convince me to go upstairs to his room. And it was... not great. But it was my first time, right? I thought it was going to get better the more we did it. It didn't. But, hey, at least someone wanted me."

Will finally looked up at him again when he took a small step toward the bed. He wasn't ready to close the space completely, especially when there was so little space to begin with. It was too soon, even if he could read the tone of the room, and nothing between them was actually fixed. He still wanted to run, wanted to get on his bike and go all the way back to Chicago, or further, and rushing whatever this was wouldn't make that urge any easier to ignore.

"And then what? He said your mom's name in bed?"

"Actually, he proposed to my cousin." The words were said with a small smirk, and Will actually met his gaze again as evenly as ever. It almost felt like any other conversation they'd had before the night of the engagement party, easy and natural. "And the worst part is, I was still letting him fuck me every weekend. I knew he was a piece of shit who didn't want me, and I still put myself through that regularly. And I felt worse about it every time. And I didn't even enjoy it. So, no, Mouse, I don't hate you. I just don't think that anyone should ever have to feel like that."

Mouse was the one who looked away, then, staring down at the shoes on his feet with a frown. He tried to take a deep breath, but it was like his body didn't let him. His lungs didn't want to fill up all the way, and the air stopped halfway down his throat, and he was trying to hide how much it physically hurt to stand there and listen to a story that cut into him so deeply. It hurt because he'd been there, because he knew exactly why someone would give, and give, and give, even at the cost of themselves, just to feel like they were wanted for a night or two.

He moved slowly, added his helmet back to his pile of things and toeing out of his shoes. There was no way he would be getting in bed yet, not when the floor looked perfectly comfortable from where he was standing, but he didn't really want to leave. Whether Will wanted to have sex with him or not, there were very few times when he actually wanted to leave someone. That was a habit of self preservation. Leaving hurt less than being pushed out.

"I, uh... I threw up."

Looking up from what he was doing, Mouse didn't look at Will directly while he shook his head. He didn't want to think about that weekend at all, let alone talk about it. It was something that only came up in his nightmares, especially when he pulled back from his usual weekly activities like alcohol and casual sex. Still, he forced himself to continue. If Will was going to open up to him, he should do a little bit in return, and building on what he'd already let slip was the safest way to do that without ripping open even more wounds.

"In Atlanta. He got off, I didn't. So, I excused myself to the bathroom to hide, and I threw up. And then... he was done with me, so I left. I took the hottest shower the plumbing would let me have, and... I threw up again. And I didn't sleep that night."

He shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets just to have something to do with them, and his fingers were shaking too much to let them stay visible. His reputation was to sleep around and not care about any of it. Countless nights had been spent in countless beds, and he had fun. He enjoyed every second of it. Thinking about it for too long didn't make him feel sick, or like he wanted to cry, or like he wished that Jay had never shown up at his apartment on that cold November night. Sex was fun, and exciting, and took him higher than any opioid ever had.

He just had to ignore how much harder he crashed back down.

Will was quiet for a long moment, seeming to wait in case he wanted to say anything else. He didn't, but he appreciated the few extra seconds to gather his thoughts. There wasn't anything else to say. The experience had lasted less than a night, and he had shared every detail of it worth forgetting. And then the quiet lasted almost too long before Will dared to finally break it.

“If you still want to leave, I can cover the room for you. You were promised a free weekend in a hotel. It seems unfair to make you pay for it just because this hotel is overbooked.”

With a weak smile that appeared no matter how hard he tried to bite it back, Mouse slowly shook his head. He could survive being a little uncomfortable for a weekend. He was there for Jay’s big day, and it would be rude to make it about himself. “That seems a little silly, now, doesn’t it? No, I’ll stay. That chair seemed pretty comfortable, and I’ve slept in worse positions. Don’t go out of your way for me.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Will stood up slowly, just enough to move his laptop and the papers that went with it to a surface that wasn’t the bed. He turned to look at Mouse, after that, confusion clear in the eyes that swept over him. “No. You’re not sleeping in the chair. I didn’t offer to share a room with you just so you could sleep in a desk chair. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Mouse blinked at him and frowned at the words. Nothing had been said to him about an offer to share the tiny room. The way Jay explained it, it seemed more like they were the last two who didn’t come with a built in group of friends to bunk with.

“If I take the bed, where are you going to sleep?”

“I know you’re an only child, but there’s this thing the rest of us learned when we were three called sharing.”

He frowned at the hint of sarcasm in the words, though it probably lost a lot of its conviction when his eyes landed on the teasing smile. Mouse was reminded, ever so suddenly, that he was in a room with a Halstead. There were plenty of differences between the brothers, but a lot of their expressions were the same. That smirk, with the fond look that went with it, was not unfamiliar to him after spending so many years in Jay’s life. It was a warm thing, something that made him feel closer to home than anything had in years.

“I kind of packed to spend the weekend alone. And I had to travel light because I can’t really carry a lot on my bike.” Mouse shook his head and desperately tried to keep his frown in place. “I don’t have anything to sleep in. Just my underwear. Isn’t that gonna be a little…?”

Will, in his mostly modest shirt and sweatpants, scoffed and shook his head quickly. “Mouse, I’ve felt your dick on my thigh. I can be an adult about you taking your shirt off if you can.”

He bit down on his lip to keep from making an instinctive comment. Something about how his dick had been on Will's thigh, but it would feel even better somewhere else, probably. It wouldn't make the weekend easier if he kept deflecting the conversation away from anything of substance. Sexual jokes and suggestive comments and speaking only in innuendo hadn't actually gotten him that far with one Halstead, and he doubted it would do anything to help his relationship with this one.

"Okay. But if, at any point, you feel weird about it-"

"Mouse," Will's voice was steady and calm, everything Mouse wasn't feeling in that moment, and the tone made him feel like he couldn't look away no matter how hard he tried. "I will give you a treat, if you just lay down and go to sleep."

What kind of treat?

The question had to be bit back just like everything else, some defense mechanism turned instinct nearly stronger than him. He could behave, for a weekend, and not make things between them any weirder than they already were. He could survive three nights without sticking his foot in his mouth, surely.

"A... treat? Will, I'm not a dog."

"I'm not going to comment on that one. Take your clothes off and get comfortable."

"Wow..."

"You know what I mean." Will narrowed his eyes at him and quickly shook his head. "I have an extra pair of sweats in my bag if you want something to wear. They might be a little long, but they're soft."

Mouse opened his mouth to respond and closed it again when he realized he didn't know what he even could say in that moment. He was still stunned by the revelation that sharing the room was an intentional choice instead of a result of bad luck. The idea of getting to wear something that didn't belong to him, intentionally, instead of just grabbing the wrong shirt off the floor, had stopped all of his thoughts in their tracks. Something was going to be willingly loaned to him, something that would smell like someone else, something that would be soft. That had never happened before.

"Oh... yeah, okay."

He was too dazed to do much more than obey. He let Will get up and get into his bag, pulling out the pants and holding them up where they could be seen. Mouse really wanted to accept the offer, and he told himself it was only because he hadn’t even been in the position to swipe the wrong shirt in the morning for months. He was allowed to want proof that another person had wanted to be near to him, even if it was only for a night.

He almost felt silly, going into the small bathroom to change. Sure, he’d stripped down to his underwear, but it was only long enough to pull on the borrowed pair of pants. He felt even sillier walking out, the waistband folded down twice, because they really were long, likely because of the near half a foot Will had on him when it came to their height.

He felt like a little kid, dressed up as something he wasn’t, and he tried to keep that feeling off of his face.

Climbing into bed under the blankets, Mouse stayed as close to the edge of the mattress as he could. More space between them meant there was less of a chance that something would happen. He wanted to make sure there was as much space between them as possible, so he could leave Wisconsin at the end of the weekend without embarrassing himself further.

The blankets were very still for a moment, the only sound in the room the offset patterns of their breathing. He'd failed at preventing the awkwardness between them, that much was clear, but he didn't know how to fix it. Luckily, it seemed like he didn't have to, not when Will was going to be the one to break the silence for him.

"About that treat... you know that college boyfriend I mentioned?"

Mouse frowned a bit in confusion at the sudden shift in mood, and did his best to shrug his shoulders in the position he was in. It wasn't like it had been that long since they'd discussed it, if it had really been a discussion at all. It was all still fresh, and he almost gritted his teeth at the reminder that Matt existed at all. He'd known the Halsteads for long enough that he could barely remember a time when he didn't. If there was anyone who deserved that kind of treatment less than Will, he didn't know them. "Yeah? What about him?"

"Well..." The bed shifted with the movement of the body behind him, close enough that he could feel the warmth of it. They weren't touching, not when he was so stiff where he was on the very edge of the mattress, and he trusted that Will wouldn't force anything. That was something most people understood after knowing him for a couple hours, let alone more than a decade. "He was working at Med, for a while. They hired him on after I, you know, got fired."

"I heard about that." He stayed on his side and took a slow breath. There hadn't been any details given to him when Jay had mentioned it, just the direction to go easy on him if Will showed up at Molly's that first weekend he was back. He did, but their conversation hadn't lasted long enough for the topic to come up. In the months since, Mouse had almost forgotten about it entirely. "Not about Matt, but about the getting fired thing. I didn't hear how it happened, but that kind of thing always sucks. How are you doing with that?"

"I'm working at Med again, that's actually where this starts. I went back to working there with the condition that I would keep an eye on Matt and what he was doing. That was... actually the FBI investigation I've been helping with. I helped get evidence of him taking kickbacks from a medtech company, and all the deaths that resulted from their product because they were cutting corners and pushing it when it wasn't necessary... but. That's where Matt is, now. Rotting in some federal prison. And I got a reward check for helping to put him there."

"Good." Mouse felt himself actually relax at the idea that someone like that was getting what he deserved. It was for something unrelated to being a bad partner, but it was still comeuppance. It was still justice, in its own way. "I hope he stays there. You didn't deserve anything that he did to you. A life in prison is the absolute least he deserves after all of that."

The quiet that fell between them wasn't as tense as it had been before. When the bed shifted again, Mouse stayed relaxed and comfortable. Even if he was still worried about things potentially being awkward, they'd moved past the worst of it, and things almost felt easy again. It was progress.

"I think you hated me when we met." Will's voice was quiet, not a whisper, but low, careful. He said it like a truth he'd never admitted before, and Mouse tried to cling to it as if that changed the truth of the words. "You barely looked at me, and you didn't even shake my hand when Jay introduced us. Now, you're defending me against an ex who doesn't even pose a threat to me anymore."

"You'd moved to New York and didn't come home when Jay needed you." Mouse's tone matched Will's, steady and careful and low when the quiet of the rest of the room meant that it would carry. "You hurt my best friend. Of course I hated you. You've grown on me, since then. Even if I did still hate you, which I don't, obviously, I wouldn't wish that kind of relationship on anybody."

"Right..."

The quiet lasted so long that Mouse almost thought he'd fallen asleep. It wouldn't have been awful, laying awake in the peaceful kind of dim lighting and the hum of the air conditioner under the window. He could have laid there for hours, with his eyes closed but his mind awake, and he wouldn't have regretted a single moment of it. The bed was warm and comfortable, and the company wasn't bad. Of all the people he could have shared a room with that weekend, he didn't think there were any better options.

After a few minutes, it was clear he wasn't the only one still awake. The sound of Will's voice wasn't startling, and the gentle press of fingers to Mouse's bare back was even lighter than he expected it to be. It was brief, barely more than a brush of skin against his own, but he felt it, and he couldn't remember the last time he didn't flinch when someone was that close.

"Look, I know Jay said you're not super into touching, or anything, but..."

"What do you need?" The question was almost instinct. The Halstead family was made up of huggers, something that Mouse had learned to live with over the years. Sometimes, they needed more than he was used to giving, and he adapted to that. He liked to be useful. Being useful meant he would get to stick around longer. If that required adapting and sacrificing his comfort for a hug or two a year, then so be it.

"I kind of want to hug you, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable. If you don't feel up for it, I'm not going to push."

"Will, I can handle a-"

"I don't want you to handle it, Mouse. I'm a grown adult. I can manage not getting a hug if that's not something you're able to give right now. It's been a long day. It would be completely reasonable to tell me to fuck off so you can sleep."

With a frown, Mouse shifted so he could partially hide his face in the pillow under it, as if he wasn't already turned away. His needs and wants were never taken into consideration, not when someone else needed him. That applied no matter how long his days were, or how exhausted he was, or how overwhelmed a situation made him. Will had been talking about the worst relationship he'd ever been in, and discussions like that usually called for some kind of comfort. A hug was a reasonable request. Weighing his own comfort level with that was an entirely new concept.

"Uh..." He trailed off and licked his lips when they felt dry, breathing in through his nose slowly. Once he could actually find his voice again, Mouse gave a short nod of his head. "I think I'm good. I'm a little stressed, because of the whole weekend, and the sharing the room thing, but a hug should be fine. I'll let you know if it's too much. I might not be very receptive, but... go ahead."

The touch returned to his back, feather light and careful, and Mouse had to bite down on his tongue to keep from shivering. With his eyes closed, it almost felt like most other nights he shared a bed. It wouldn’t end the same way, but the touch moved over his skin in a way that felt familiar. At least, it was just familiar enough that he didn't pull away. He wasn't entirely comfortable, but discomfort was a baseline that he had resigned himself to.

When Will's hand settled, it was the same kind of barely there touch, a palm and fingers spreading out over his bare abdomen. It was warm, like everything else, and Mouse squeezed his eyes shut tighter. When Will gently guided him back, he went willingly, until his back was pressed to the soft fabric of a well worn tee and the chest within in. He didn't breathe, he couldn't remember how, and instinct made him prepare for the touch to wander, prepare to give up whatever his partner of the night wanted.

It didn't.

Will's hand didn't move.

He just... held him there. Gently.

Since when was being held supposed to feel good?

Mouse hesitated before shifting some of his weight and, when he lifted his head to adjust how it rested on the pillow, an arm slid into the space to cushion it instead. For a few moments, he let the muscle and flesh act as a pillow without complaint, the warmth of another body so close the soothing kind of familiar that made it easy to relax. Jay had been right when he'd warned Will about Mouse being wary of touch. There were very few occasions where he allowed it at all, and it was something that his best friend only halfheartedly complained about. Usually, it meant no hugs, very few supportive pats to the back, nothing that the Halstead family did regularly. It threw off a normally regular rhythm in the lives of the people around him, but physical affection just wasn't something he was used to.

Growing up, an arm around his shoulders was an act. A hand ruffling his hair was dismissive. A kiss to his cheek when he was too young to leave his mother's side at fundraisers was something for the cameras. Physical affection wasn't real. It was just a way for his family to pretend that they cared, that they weren't capable of kicking him out of their lives the second he did something to disrupt all of their plans for his life.

This felt different.

Maybe it was because it was a Halstead. He'd never doubted that Jay cared about him, especially not when he was pulled into a hug in the middle of Molly's during his goodbye party. He knew that every supportive pat on the back or shoulder was genuine. He was fairly certain that Jay didn't know how to be fake. He'd make the same assumption about Will, but he was starting to learn that there were parts of him that no one got to see.

Shifting again, Mouse settled in closer and focused on his breathing. He wasn't uncomfortable, not really, but the feeling of someone else so close usually came with expectations. He was fighting the urge to roll over and offer himself up, to casually squirm until the sweats slid down off his hips and left more of him bare. But if there was one person in the world who didn't want him to do something like that, it was the person he was stuck with for the weekend.

"Can I ask you something?"

Will's voice was startlingly close, his breath stirring up the ends of his hair before it reached his ear. It was enough to make him tense up, and the arm already loose around him immediately gave him more room to move. He was still being held, but it would be easy to pull away when he wanted to, whenever that ended up being. Unable to find his voice right away, Mouse gave a slow nod of his head.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Still all but whispering, Will let out a slow breath - this time very pointedly aiming away from Mouse when he did so. "I'm just curious. About Atlanta... Did you know? About his ex?"

Mouse took a deep breath at the mention of the memory, and the hand at his abdomen started to pull away slowly. He didn't know where it came from, the foreign instinct to reach down and grab onto the hand before it could get too far. He even laced their fingers together, holding on as tightly as he dared while he kept his eyes closed. "I found out at the same point of the story that you did. So, the short answer? No. I didn't know."

The hold on him got tighter again, and he could feel the pressure that came from a face being tucked into his shoulder. It was a position that was as familiar as most other things about that moment. And he was still struggling with all the things that weren't as familiar.

"You're holding on pretty tight for someone who doesn't like to be touched."

"Please don't leave me alone again."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

#will halstead #mouse gerwitz #greg gerwitz #greg mouse gerwitz #other moustead #cpd #chicago pd #one chicago #cmed #chicago med #alex writes things #kit tag #answered #kitweewoos #oops i wrote 7k???#anyway i think about them a lot #enjoy the lil guys

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