#kindly fuck out of that persons life before you do that dumb shit

[creamxxbrulee]

.

[inkskinned]

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

[iwas-princess]

hi ok so u said u want requests so here I am

how ab rin n u are in a argument and he says that ur clingy or annoying and u cry then he comforts u?

suna rintaro • all too well

“just drop it, princess.” he sighed, his sweaty palms slapping against the marble counter tops of the kitchen as your voice rose with each word you spoke.

“no! you told me that we would go to dinner today all week long, then canceled because you wanted to play a dumb game, rintaro! that’s horrible. you’re horrible to me-“

“i am not horrible to you by all means. you’re just so goddamn clingy all of the fucking time that i can never get any fucking space whenever i need it. then, when i’m actually too drained to go anywhere because you’re so fucking annoying that it actually drains my battery, you get all pissy and start claiming that i don’t do anything for you. as if i hadn’t just drove two hours out of my way yesterday to go to a stupid fucking target because ours didn’t have the- what was it? oh yeah- the worthless rug you wanted.” he ran his hands through his hair frustratedly, his back still turned to your dolled up figured as you stood behind him. “we go out on dates every week, i don’t under why you have to throw a fucking temper tantrum over this specific one, which is basically your own fault that we missed it by the way. so maybe, for future references, shut the fuck up more often if you want to go on weekly dates still. because honestly, the way shits going lately, even five hours in the same room with you can leave me so exhausted for a-“

the sob the left your lips and interrupted his rant, caused him to pause, his heart nearly stopping at the sound.

he hadn’t realized majority of what he was saying as he spoke, his mouth moving before his brain registered what he was saying and who he was say it to.

you were his princess, the one person that he had never minded going above and beyond for without complaint as he held your hand the whole ten hour drive to wherever you asked of him, you sweet smile beaming at him as you told him about everything on your pretty mind and gushed over him. he never minded, not even when you asked for the stupidest things and spoke about things he didn’t care about for hours on end— he never minded.

how could he have been so cruel?

you were sensitive, more delicate than any other girl he had ever met in his life. he had to choose his words carefully and kindly explain things to you, always. and until today, he had never found himself growing irritated with your slower mind or sensitive nature.

in fact, he found it lovely.

he turned around, facing the heart wrenching sight of a broken lover in front of him.

your makeup wad ruined, the waterproof mascara you bought for tonight failing it’s purpose and running down your foundation covered cheeks as you cried uncontrollably, your fragile heart wounded and breaking with each breath you took.

never had he ever given you any reason to believe that you were anything but wonderful in his eyes, and the newly discovered truth changed your whole perception.

what if everything you’ve ever thought you had was nothing but a mere lie to savor your feelings?

the wonderful princess treatment he provided you made your foolish heart swoon and he filled your every thought with each action of service he gave you, and now… now it was seemingly all a lie.

“baby, please-“ his voice was gentle now, a quick transition from the harsh tone a moment ago.

you interrupted him with the face of your palm, holding your hand in the air childishly before speaking.

“don’t.”

the broken sound of your now soft voice caused rintaro’s stomach to drop, a deep guilty feeling already developing in his bones, surly growing as the hours ticked by.

“princess, please, i’m-“

“oh, s-so now i’m your princess? i th-though that i was annoying and dr-drained you.” you snapped, your voice quivering and hiccuping as you spoke through sobs.

he sighed at the reminder of his past words, his heart crushing underneath the pressure of his rising guilt.

“i didn’t mean it, i swear. i-i-i love you, angel, please. just stop crying, it’s oka-“

“no it’s not! you-you hurt me rintaro, really bad twice tonight. i-i don’t think i can ever forgive you.”

his whole world felt like it tilted, a large semi falling off the sideways road and crushing him once the words left your mouth.

‘you hurt me, rintaro’

the sadness in your voice as you said his name hurt him beyond belief, like a knife carving into his skin slowly.

he took an oath to himself the moment he fell in love with you that he would never hurt you, and would wish death upon those who dared to.

if he could, he would’ve kicked his own ass violently for saying all of the stupid shit he did, even dumping his body over the nearest river for making his princess cry.

he needed to hold you, tell you it’s alright and he’ll make everything better, like he always had. hot chocolate and your favorite romcom while snuggled with him and a stuffie always did the trick, making you forget all about your woes and giving them to suna to take care of come morning.

and boy, did he ever take care of your issues…

to recall every occurrence would be nearly impossible, for there are far too many where people had remorselessly stepped on your fragile feelings without any apology— until your rinnie dealed with them, that is.

he took a few steps towards your shaking figure, watching in agony as you sobbed to yourself over his inconsiderate words.

you looked beautiful tonight before the fight, your dress hugging your curves wonderfully and the matching jewelry set he bought you last week was accessorizing you just how he imagined it would. it truly broke his whole being to watch you fall apart, let alone considering the high hopes you had for the evening given your appearance.

taking a few more impulsive steps forward until he reached only about two feet away from you, suna watched as you began to compose yourself finally, your eyes opening and tears falling freely as your gaze set on the white tiles of the floor.

he gave you a few minutes to gather your thoughts, knowing all too well your crying habits.

“i don’t think i can ever forgive you, rintaro.” you mumbled, voice hoarse and shattered.

“i-i know, i know, baby and i’m so so sorry, truly.” he quickly responded.

“you were mean.. so mean.”

you fumbled with the satin sleeve of your dress, tears slowing their rapid pace but no where near finished yet as they rolled down your plump cheeks.

“i never thought you would be mean, rin. not to me, ever. but… i guess i don’t know you as well i thought.”

“what? no, no, princess-“ he rushed over to your side, ignoring the alarmed look on your broken face as you looked at him wide eyed. “you know me, okay? you know me better than anyone, don’t let my moronic outburst make you think any different, my love. what i said was horrible. it was horrible and i never ever should have said those things to you because they weren’t the truth, i swear on everything. i-i love you, and you’re not annoying, ever. in fact, i don’t think i can get enough of you talking or asking me to do things for you. i love catering to my princess and i don’t know why i said otherwise at all. okay?”

his hands cradled your face carefully, as if he’d brake you even more if he was even a slight bit rough, his thumbs stroked away your tears as they trickled down and left black streaks. he didn’t mind the messy look you adorned, not as much as he minded the cause of it.

you let out a soft hiccup.

“i love you too, rin. but, i-i can’t think of you the way i used to. not after…” you trailed, trying to avoid the mention of specifics in order to keep yourself from sobbing once more.

his eyes squeezed shut at the realization of your future.

“can we try? please, princess? i-i need you to breathe, to-to live. taking care of you has been my only reason for smiling, please. i’ll do anything.”

you sighed shakily. you knew well enough that you couldn’t live with your doting boyfriend either, his care and love would be too missed and your heart would be crippled for all eternity. suna was your only love, the only man who ever showed you how much you were truly worth and that it was okay to be dependent and need help. you loved him more than anything in the entire universe, nothing could change that— not even this.

it was sad, really.

“we’ll have to, rin. because i can’t live a day without you. you were right though, i am clingy. i cant go two minutes without asking for a kiss or looking at you, and i’ll work on it-“

“don’t. don’t you ever stop craving to be near me, princess. i love it, i really do. i have no clue why i denied that i do, baby girl. you’re everything to me and i want you to touch me all the time, so please don’t stop.” he whispered, his hazel eyes looking deep into yours.

instinctively, you captured his lips in a gentle kiss, as usual routine whenever he reassured you that you were his perfect dream. you hadn’t even realized your mistake until it was too late and suna’s arms were wrapping around you tightly, a wordless way of apologizing once more.

but this time you felt it, you felt that he meant he was sorry and would beat himself up every day until he died for hurting you.

you melted in his hold, arms eventually sliding on his back and pulling his closer for the emotional support he always provided you.

the strong scent of his cologne filled your stuffed nostrils, a warm, fuzzy feeling replacing the cold and devastated emptiness you once felt moments prior.

this wasn’t healthy, you forgiving him so quick, you knew it too. but, suna wasn’t like the other men who repeated their regrets, he actually loved you and kept his word.

which is why you chose to stay and heal, eventually trusting him with your sensitive heart again with time.

[queerweewoo]

okay this is very long and mostly just for me to get some stuff of my chest and out of my head therefore anybody tagged pls don't feel as though you have to read it all (like obvs you know you don't have to but you also hopefully know what i mean lol):

so i've had some quite heavy stuff going on in meatspace recently, and then i went to see i saw the tv glow two nights ago which was beyond brilliant but fucked me up entirely on a personal level. then, just to be a bit (read: incredibly) stupid, i for some reason (read: bc i'm a masochist) decided to delve into reading waaaay too many of my first 'eddie losing his shit over christopher leaving/summer of sexuality queer crisis' fics, which i've not dared let myself do before now bc it's all very close to the bone for me i.e. my own queer (trans) crises—yes, plural, they keep coming—and stuff that's not a million miles away from the shit going on with my eldest son (bar kim lol). why tf my brain chose the worse time possible is just another one of life's mysteries (read: i'm just insane [see above]).

(btw my struggling hugely with issues of repression plus my son hating/not hating me aside, THIS FIC is the insanely brilliant piece of art that kicked off the binge. it's from the astonishingly talented @wildehacked and is one of two parts which are possibly the best buddie fics—or even just some of the best fics, period—that i've ever read. seriously, check the tags and if you're a buddie lover and it/they seem like your sort of thing you should 100% go save/read it/them!)

anyways, after all that i'm now just kind of spiralling a bit tbh aha. i'm not fine, not rn, but i will be fine at some point soon sort of thing. like, i'm okay and nobody needs to worry etc i'm just trying to do one if the countless things that i'm absolutely bloody terrible at which is reaching out. but not because i need anything from anybody it's more just for me to be able to say “i'm going through some stuff right now and i might or might not disappear for a while” because i don't usually manage anything at all like that when i'm in the trenches and instead just retreat into my shell and go radio silent—and the thing is, i know some very lovely people who have shown concern when i've done that in the past and i'm therefore trying to be better. friends old and new alike such as @shealynn88 @sharkfish @greyhavenisback @raisesomehale @doilooklikepeople @woodchoc-magnum @buddiebeginz i'll absolutely be getting back/chatting to you when i'm able to interact with a bit more—well, when i'm a bit more, i 'spose xp

also tagging lovelies @novemberhush for the usually well-loved procrastination tag game stuff and @inell and @kitteneddiediaz (and possibly @veronae-buddie and @daffi-990?) for the WIP games i've been kindly tagged in but not responded to. thank you and sorry! like, i know it's absolutely fine and nobody really cares about stuff like that, but i'm just very much feeling like i need to say these things right now. and more apologies if there have been tags i've missed from other lovely folks; not being round these parts for 48+hrs = horrendous notifs situation (you know how it is).

on the writing front, i don't know if it's both completely dumb and ridiculous to start this by saying, “hmm, i'm unsure if it's related or not?” but as well as everything else i'm simultaneously having one one those Everything I Have Ever Written Am Writing Or Could Write Is Utter Fucking Dogshit sort of moments (like, i know i'm not a great writer—which is not derogatory and just fact and 100% absolutely fine—but i'm usually at peace with the strange little oneshots i puke out, y'know?) which is yet another reason for me to disappear off here for the time being as i sadly have one of those unhealthy irrational relationships with fandom that's like I Don't Deserve To Be Here If I'm Not Being Useful—which i know is dumb af and i would absolutely try to coax anyone else out of if it were them saying it and not me, but alas poor yorick. thing is, i used to be incredibly prolific in making fanart, for loads of different fandoms, and that too has dwindled considerably over the last year or more (god, is it that long?) therefore it's just a double whammy currently with the writing now also taking a hit. and i know, i know, whomp whomp poor me etc etc i just—i fear whenever i disappear, i won't ever be able to make it back... bleugh horrid lol

obviously i can't seem to be normal about anything ever so i'm sorry if this is a weird way to respond to nothing happening that nobody asked about (there is no 'if'; it absolutely is weird but i'm afraid it is what it is) and i truly don't need anything from anybody, i just think me posting this and saying how i'm feeling will probably be doing me a bit of good. honestly, pls feel free to ignore, this is just cathartic for me. but i guess, at the same time, as well as those things, me being on the spectrum means i'm not skilled at keeping friendships going, which makes me very sad, so this is maybe me voicing those fears in an attempt to combat them becoming a reality? i think? it's just that i've already drifted away from too many lovely people here due to the affects of these things and i'm therefore just—i think i'm just really trying in my own odd little way.

anyways i'm gonna go rewatch some sense8 and sob out my own weight in tears and snot and just keep on keeping on with existential crisis #4793 for the time being until something shifts in me and then i'll be back at some point? yeah, i think that sounds about right.

love you guys big much (one of my son's isms from when he was little) <3

ps just realised i wrote this on my buddie blog and really can't be arsed copying and pasting it over to my main @all-or-nothing-baby... so anybody who was wondering, yeah it's me yer boi cassidy xp also if you read this far you're insane and i love you even more for it <3

[bookipsies]

How many nights do you think end with Adolin/Shallan asking each other, as they always do, “should we ask him tomorrow? To be with us? Is it too soon? Also not the right timing we are busy” And they always decide “no we’ll wait 😔 to be responsible”

Meanwhile kaladin is slamming his head into rocks crying wishing he had someone to love him but unfortunately everyone hates him but he deserves it because he sucks so so much who could love him.

Meanwhile at least 70% of Urithuru every single night is filled with people having debates about “who loves kaladin stormblessed more and why it’s me: a ted talk” every night Dalinar shows up to one and is like “I’m disbanding these. It’s me. I love him the most that is my precious boy. I am the proud father of 3 wonderful boys stop talking about my son.”

Not limited to just a human fan club also… the undoubted book club/ religion that has popped up in the singer population about “how that kaladin guy actually is really cool” led by an actual high ranking member of the fused (Leshwi. His other wife).

[Side note: I do honestly believe there will be a chapter in WaT in which either Adolin or Dalinar is going to have to kill Leshwi and they will stand over her corpse and be like “you don’t even know him he is the love of my life my pride and joy keep your paws off of him” unless of course there is a chapter in which Leshwi shows up on Dalinar’s doorstep and is like “it’s about to time to make this family…one member bigger” and Dalinar is like “ahhhh get in here I’ll get someone to make us curry let’s talk about kaladin for 5 uninterrupted hours” ]

Actually probably Azure too is writing a journal as she goes to find Zahel/Vasher and like half the entries are about how sick kaladin is and she wished they would have hung out more.

Fuck it I think the goddamn horse likes him too. Even Gallant is like “holy shit I thought I was strictly Kolinar boys through and through but turns out rules are meant to be broken”

[Second side note: Sanderson you’re making me nervous about how much you’re including the horse in the wacky adventures. It was cute the first few times to be like “wow look at these giant and noble and very loyal horses what a cool concept for a shardbearer to ride” but now it’s getting to “Why do I personally feel extremely protective of Gallant and am invested in his specific well-being as much as I am any of the main characters?” Because if the answer is to kill him I can kindly direct you to fuck off actually. The horse Brandon? That’s sick🤢 .]

I know I know we gotta save the world and all that and maybe have to deal with some interplanetary consequences depending how exactly you save it….but is there not time for kaladin to sit in a beanbag while shallan and adolin spoon feed him soup and he falls asleep under a little blanket adolin made for him out of some of his old shirts. Can we just chill the cosmic war for like, a week, a month? Kaladin is just now discovery therapy and I think it’s really gonna reframe a lot of things for everyone if we all participated.

(Taravangian is not invited. Look I know a narcissist when I see one and therapy is so tricky and sometimes useless for them and Tara’s perhaps one of the top 10 narcissists in literature. Also he made Dalinar sad so what the fuck? Go eat wood chips you freak. Why are you even talking to Wit leave him alone get a job.)

(I know I know your instinct is to say also Moash isn’t invited no actually Moash is pretty open and shut therapy wise. He’s allowing himself to be manipulated into something very harmful to distract himself from the fact that he’s also in love with Kaladin. And Moash that’s so fine it’s not even that gay at this point because everybody in the entire idk…tristate planetary area loves Kaladin. It’s like A Thing. Lean into it please stop doing dumb shit for no reason. My sympathy can only extend so far before you, too, will join Taravangian in the time out circle I call the octagon where I pummel you and him to death via mixed martial arts in front of a crowd.)

Anyway thank you everyone again for attending this nights “why I love Kaladin stormblessed the most : a ted talk” next week Reggie it’s you remember so please have a presentation prepared and turn in your Kaladin art pieces by 7 pm Thursday (but like in Roshar terms)if you do want them to get judged before the breakfast social next Saturday (but like in Roshar terms).

The Kaladin/Shallan/Adolin situation is not a love triangle. It’s a couple who love each other and also their very tired best friend while the best friend is oblivious. Every single time I read about Adolin worrying about Shallan’s crush on Kaladin, I’m like, Adolin, you also have a crush on Kaladin. That throuple will thrive the moment Kaladin gets an actual vacation and has time to think about things not related to work.

[khalessi-aline]

Hey y'all

Yes I'm from the South and we say y'all. Deal with it.

Anyway it's freezing here. Oddly enough I'm not as stressed as I thought I would be. Hard to be freaked out with moonshine warming your blood, fireplace crackling merrily and a Hallmark movie on in the background. Thank God, Ercot seems to be coming through because so far Jack Frost has kept his icy ass outside.

Anyways though what happened that IS causing me stress, little miss chomp-chomp (it's pronounced Cruella), came downstairs and said, "hey why don't we go see grandma"

Y'all, I froze. Froze dead. Like somebody hit the pause button. Paused for so long, she said, "What's wrong." I was like....oooh sorry I thought I saw a spider. Now she's screaming and looking for the spider I definitely didn't fucking see but I'm panicking and moving the couch to help her. We finally admit there's no spider.....at this point this search has been so long, I almost forgot why I made up that lie in the first damn place and then she says...."so I really do wanna see grandma before she dies." I say "hmmmm." Start a conversation about the fireplace.

It worked this time but y'all! Y'all. Y'alllllllllll

How do I tell little miss chomp-chomp we can't ever see her grandma again? She remembers the kindly old lady who watched her a few times and took her for ice cream.

I remember the Professor Umbridge clone who beatbox my ass mercilessly, used starvation, water deprivation, sleep deprivation, extreme weight training, and isolation as forms of punishment among others, including LEAVING ME IN VARIOUS LOCATIONS ALONE STARTING AT THE AGE OF 12. I remember the woman whose voice I still hear telling me at 16, "Never to darken her doorstep again." I remember being used and abused, being homeless, hungry, hurt, scared, and so so so alone. Yeah, y'all thought I was kidding when I talked about trauma. Even worse, though, is the shit I don't remember......it's not cute having huge black blank spots in your memory. It's really very fucking scary. I remember recounting my story to a judge and being granted a restraining order. I remember knowing we had to run because even as an adult, I knew I wasn't safe. More than me, chomp-chomp wasn't safe and that was just.....yeah completely unacceptable.

Wow this hurts.

I want to give my child everything, absolutely everything but this I can't give her. Other people have families, moms, grandma's, great grandma's, both paternal and maternal in some cases, just these whole ass circles of love and support and caring. And we don't.

It sucks. It does. And if you're not in this position, you don't know how much it does suck. How it just claws at you and drags wicked barbed wire through your entire body: the one person whose supposed to love you unconditionally, uplift you consistently, stand in your corner when you don't even have a corner, cheer for you when you can't cheer for yourself just doesn't....in fact has actively spent most of your life either abandoning you, tearing you down, or trying to kill you. Yeah. It hurts. It shatters me everyday and you know what the sickest saddest part is....if my mom came to me now, arms open and an apology on her lips, my dumb ass would take that and pray to God she finally was ready to be the mom I needed, need, wanted, and want. Pray to God she was ready to be the all in grandma my child deserves and obviously desires.

I don't know...anyway. Let me go head and finish up this drink and head on up, give chomp-chomp some cuddles and mommy time and let her know if she don't got nobody else, she got me.

Bye y'all. Stay warm and all that.

[tanniefm]

nasty | jjk (m)

summary - you're needy at a party and no one can help you except your boyfriend jungkook.

pairing - jungkook x reader

genre - established relationship

word count - 2.4k

song inspo - nasty by ariana grande

warnings - unprotected sex (BOOO), dirty talk, daddy kink, brief breeding kink, slight voyeurism (you essentially ride his thigh in front of everyone), explicit language, praise kink, subspace, drug and alcohol use (weed), brief mention of vmin, i guess kook also falls into domspace too i mean y'all are high so

a/n - i'm sorry this took so long school's been kicking my ass bruh. this is also very unedited since i originally wrote this while horny like a month ago kanjwbw. anyways yeah enjoy! ps. i am very bad at endings and summaries sigh

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“Pleaseeeee”

“Nope”

“But I need to so badly! Just please make me cum, Kook!”

“What did I say? Not ‘til later. At this rate I might not let you cum at all.” his words brought utter terror to your face. What did he mean not letting you cum at all? You've been so good all day! Just like he told you! This party fucking sucks anyway. As much as you love your friends coming over, there’s only so much you can handle before you start getting annoyed by their presence. Jungkook has been teasing you all day but the very peak of it was when he ate you out earlier like it was his last meal and at the very last second, decided to cease all contact from you and smile cockily. Asshole.

It doesn’t help that you've both been drinking and smoking a bit, so your horniness has only worsened since then. This mixed haze of being tipsy and high at the same time is just making you needier by the second. You’ve been clinging onto him and following him around your shared apartment the whole night while he laughed and chatted with your friends.

“You good, ____?” Jimin laughs. He out of everyone should know exactly how you feel, given him and Tae are constantly going at it, just like you and your beloved boyfriend.

You smile sarcastically, “Nah I’m perfectly fine, Minnie! Why do you ask?” you know exactly why he’s asking. You’re not really the best at hiding your emotions and your face says it all that you’d rather have everyone disappear immediately so you can fuck the shit out of the man you’re glaring at. He’s currently taking a few hits out of Hoseok’s “party bong” as he likes to call it. It looks very used and burnt out, you don’t know why he just won’t get a new one since you’re sure that’s some kind of safety hazard but whatever.

“No reason, just that you look like you wanna eat Jungkookie alive is all.” he smirks. You roll your eyes playfully and take another sip from whatever mixed drink Jungkook made you.

“He’s getting on my nerves.” you quip back. Jimin’s eyes crinkle as he laughs heartily. It seems like everyone finds your situation amusing but you. All you want is to have a proper orgasm! Is that so wrong! It feels like he’s punishing you and you haven’t even done anything! You go to sit on the couch with him, directly on his lap, while he watches Seokjin and Taehyung yell over Mario Kart. He automatically wraps his hands around your waist and smiles lazily.

“Heyy pretty girl.” he says gruffly. His voice always gets raspy when he smokes and your pussy throbs at his (and your) favorite pet name.

“Kookie,” you whine. “Please can we wrap this up and do something alone. Need you.” you start pouting in hopes he’ll finally cave. He chuckles and brushes a piece of hair from your face.

He leans in closely to whisper, “After they're done with this game, I promise I’ll take care of you, ok baby?” you look at him skeptically and hold up your pinky to ensure he means what he says. He giggles at your cuteness and wraps his long pinky around yours, kissing it to seal the deal. Your face immediately lights up at the prospect that you’ll finally get some dick. The more you think about it, the wetter you get. Maybe he’ll bring out the toys this time and use those on you. Maybe he’ll overstimulate you until you beg him to stop. Maybe he’ll let you take control since he’s been messing with you all evening anyway. The possibilities are endless and they cause you to squirm around on his lap. You quickly realize that your leggings are pretty thin however as you suddenly pause when you feel that your boyfriend is hard as a rock. Little did you know that he’s been suffering just as much as you have, he just likes to play with you a little to see how needy you could get. He can feel you throbbing through your leggings and it’s been driving him fucking crazy. He can’t wait for the guys to leave so he can fuck you in every room of this house.

He grips your hips tightly and gives you a warning look of “do that again and see what happens” you whimper and tuck your face in his neck. He smells so good. You can faintly smell the weed you two have been smoking but you can still smell his soft detergent and calming lavender he loves so much. You know his nose is sensitive so he only uses a small amount of cologne and it encapsulates him so perfectly. He pulls you closer and starts bouncing his knee slightly. Fuck. Now his thigh is consistently hitting your clit and your mind is getting fuzzier. The haze from earlier coupled with the fact that Jungkook is bouncing you like a baby is starting to make you whimper and moan a little louder than you’d like to. You know he’s fucking with you again. He loves seeing you like this. He leans down and reminds you Tae and Jin are almost done with their game and then you can moan and whine all you want. You nod hastily while you suck a mark into his neck to keep quiet. His knee keeps the same casual pace, as if your clit isn’t the main focal point of each bounce. He kisses the top of your head and laughs along at whatever the boys are arguing about as to not raise any suspicion. Although you’re pretty sure everyone can tell exactly what’s going on. The fact that everyone can clearly see you getting bounced on your boyfriend's lap is only getting you closer and closer. You bet you could cum like this.

“Ha ha! Fuck you, hyung! I told you I’d win!” Taehyung shouts jovially.

“Yeah whatever, brat! I’m definitely winning next time.” they both get up and stretch before informing both of you that they think they’ll call it a night. The rest of the boys agree and gather their stuff to head out. You hate to say it, but you couldn’t be happier that everyone’s finally leaving. Jungkook lifts you off his lap gently and to your horror, you can already see a damp spot forming on his sweats. He smirks and winks at you while he kindly escorts everyone out. Once the last person is gone and the door is closed and locked, he turns around and tells you to come here. You scamper over to him in a haste and attach your lips to his in an instant. He laughs at your neediness and backs you slowly to the couch. He sits down and puts you in his lap again while you both make out as if you’ve been deprived of each other. He grips your hips and grinds you against his erection that’s been straining against his pants for the better part of half an hour.

“My poor baby, was I too mean today?” he asks as he kisses down your neck and jaw.

“Mhm, I’ve been a good girl all day just like you said and you don’t even care.” you whine. He lifts his head and cups your face.

“Of course I care, baby. I’m so proud of you for being so good today. You want daddy to take care of you now, don’t you?” he says gently. It looks like you’re not the only one that fell into a bit of a headspace. You’re very aware that when Jungkook starts referring to himself as daddy that he’s already taken a dominant position. Meaning he’ll take very little shit from you. Not that you felt like being bratty today anyway. Good girls get rewarded and that’s exactly what you intend to receive. You nod and grind against him faster in hopes he’ll get the hint that you want him now. As always, he quickly understands and starts ridding himself of his shirt as you take off yours. Seeing all of his tattoos always does things to you. Especially the small bouquet of black roses he got for you. You still can’t believe he would get something so permanent on his body just for you but he was adamant that you were the love of his life. The memory made you emotional as you started to tear up slightly. You’re going to have to ask Hoseok what the hell was in that strain to make you so sensitive to literally everything. Jungkook stops unclipping your bra as soon as he sees your eyes well up.

His hands are right back to their position on your face. “Woah, what happened love? Are you ok?” you wipe your eyes and giggle bashfully and explain why you got so worked up. He smiled and kissed you softly.

“You know I love you, right? You’re so fucking cute. I love you so much.” he says as he leans his forehead on yours. Weed makes both of you so sappy. You can’t even find it in yourself to care as you bring him into another kiss. He continues to take off your bra and starts kneading your breasts in his hands. The action makes you whine and pull away from him.

“Daddy, I wanna cum now. Please?”

He chuckles and lifts you off of him to strip your leggings. His fingers trace over the damp spot of your panties and he pulls them back to see how wet they’ve gotten.

“My little girl completely soaked through these. Needy baby. If you wanted it so bad why couldn’t you just do it yourself, huh?”

“B-because I wanted to be good. M’ a good girl right?” his words confused you. Why would you take care of yourself when he does it so much better. Plus, wouldn’t he just punish you anyway?

“I know baby, you are a good girl. Besides, those tiny little fingers would just frustrate you wouldn't they? You need daddy to cum ‘cause my dumb babygirl can’t do anything by herself, can she?” his words make your lip tremble as you nod dumbly. He’s right! You couldn’t possibly do something like that by yourself. Only he can make you feel like this.

He smiles as you agree with no hesitation and pecks all around your face. This is your favorite place to be in. In his arms waiting for his instruction. Taking the lead is fun every once and awhile but being stupid and pliant is far more your speed. He makes you feel safe and adored. He makes you feel good.

His fingers swirl around your covered clit as you moan into his mouth. Your little noises and the feeling of his fingers getting slicker is making him painfully hard and he, too is getting impatient. He wiggles his hips and slides his sweats down to reveal to you that he’s been walking around with no underwear on. He’s been completely hard with no barrier other than his sweats. You feel like you could bust right then and there. As soon as you see his cock, you lick your hand and start stroking it slowly. Jungkook hisses and throws his head back.

“Little girl...don’t play with me right now…” you heed his warning and scramble to take off your panties so you can get him inside you as fast as possible. This is what you’ve been waiting for, and you’ll be damned if you fuck it up now. He steadies you as you prepare to sink down on him and he kisses you gently. The way he’s filling you is intoxicating.

“Fuck, this little cunt was made for me wasn’t it? My baby’s so perfect for me.” his words make you tremble. You both moan breathily once he’s bottomed out inside you. You grind back and forth slowly as you try to adjust to his length. Jungkook however, is just as impatient as you are. He halts your movements to grip your hips and lift you almost completely off of him and slam you back down. You gasp as he sets a pace for you quickly. Your walls clench as he groans out praises of how good you feel and how much he loves being with you like this. In his lap, bouncing on top of him, whining into his neck. He couldn't think of a better place to be. His hands slide down to your ass and grips it as he bounces you even faster. You moan loudly and bite on his shoulder in fear of getting another noise complaint from the neighbors.

“D-Daddy? M’ close. So so so so so close daddy please fuck!” your words are slurred since you literally cannot think properly. He laughs breathily. “I know baby, you feel so good. Fuck I wanna pump you full of my cum. Wanna get you pregnant.” his words only make you moan louder.

“Oh you like that? You like when I talk about filling your cute tummy with my cum? You want my babies, little girl? Hm?” your head bobs up and down as you nod. “Yeah- mm yeah want it so bad daddy please cum in me. I wanna have your babies please Kookie please. Wanna cum wanna cum wanna cum!” you whine. Seeing how absolutely wrecked you are is only getting Jungkook closer and closer. You look completely and utterly fucked out. If his baby wants his cum that's exactly what she'll get.

“Shh precious I’m almost there. Daddy's got you I promise. Rub your pretty clit for me, I wanna see my baby cum ok?” you immediately obey and spit on your fingers before shoving your hand between you two. You rub your swollen clit with quick flicks to get you to cum faster. You just wanna make Jungkook happy. You wanna be his good girl.

It didn't take long for your hand coupled with his cock pounding into your g-spot to get you to cum hard on him. Your limbs spasm and your vision goes white while you distantly hear Jungkook's moaned praises. He cums in you not long after with a whine and keeps thrusting a few times so you can milk him for all he's worth. You both pant heavily as his arms wrap around you tightly, wanting to be as close as possible. He pecks your head repeatedly and buries his face in your hair.

“I love you ____.” he sighs. You giggle and sleepily look up at him. “I love you more.”

[anyroads]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Hey Jumblr/Shtetlcore, the Adamah Fellowship is apparently still accepting apps for this fall! It’s a three-month Jewish food and farming program based out of the Isabella Freedman Retreat Center in Connecticut, centered around learning and practicing at the intersection of farming and Judaism, while living in Jewish community.

I did the fellowship in 2009 and even now I’m still so excited for people to go do it I start flailing and talking too loud. I miss it. I miss everyone I met there (we still keep in touch and some of them were at my wedding even though I moved overseas a few years later. It’s cheesy summer camp bff level shit but grown up and honestly whatever, I love those folks SO MUCH). I miss the goats. I miss the food omggggg the food is so good and it’s literally stuff you’ve grown and pulled out of the ground yourself???

I learned about farming, food preservation (jam! pickles! CHEESE!!!), and working with goats and chickens but also did all of it through the lens of Jewish agricultural tradition which wasn’t even a thing I knew about before I heard of Adamah. And now I have all these friends who are cheesemongers and run farms and whatnot. And man, figuring out how to build community with a group of people I’d never met before was an Experience. I grew so much as a person in such a short time. I also took a truckload of photos so I’m posting those because if I keep typing it’s gonna sound more and more cheesy and like I’m selling something and really I just feel like everyone should experience Adamah, I loved it so much, I can’t

(I’m also really excited about this because Adamah is generally a wonderfully queer friendly space but the guy who founded and has been running Hazon, the parent organization that Adamah and Freedman fall under is, to say it as kindly as I can, a problematic abusive garbage human who wouldn’t have held on this long if his one actual skill wasn’t fundraising, and he’s leeeeeeeaving I’m so excited he is leeeeeeaving possibly because a bunch of Adamah alumni banded together and wrote a letter to the board about him and there was a lot of backdoor pressure on them because WE MAKE CHANGE HAPPEN but anyway I digress, my point is, there is new management and the new CEO is a genuinely wonderful human being who’s spent his life doing actual Jewish environmental work and not just pandering to boomers with big wallets. Anyway, Jewish intracommunal politics rant over, my point is, Adamah is intended to be a safe space and it’s just gotten a little safer.)

there’s a lake I miss it I miss it I want to go back why am I old and in England

I miss milking goats even though I did way too much way too fast and it gave me carpal tunnel I don’t even care it was worth it I miss these ladies and their stupid sass

Turned that milk into cheeeeeeeeese delicious cheeeeeeese omg never in my life will I get to drown in chevre so freely again

how are these babies even legal look at them

a few years later I did a masters in fine art and showed photos from Adamah at a tutorial session and people were like, this can’t be a farmer they’re dressed too nicely and my head nearly exploded, like, are you expecting overalls and flannel and a straw hat? are you expecting farmers to “look poor?” Apparently Carhartts and weatherproof jackets are too fancy now, someone was literally like, “that guy must be a model” I WAS SCREAMING. Anyway this was a day we harvested sweet potatoes and they all had gnarly shapes and I miss being in a field with people talking about Benjamin and Adorno and singing dumb pop songs and swapping menstrual cup tips and doing a mikvah in a lake every week because fuck it why not.

This was one of the batches of kimchi we made. I love this photo so much, it just has that vibe of what it was like to be in the pickling kitchen with a bunch of people and work and goof around and just like... make something together? THE VIBES

Sukkot up there gave me life. Look at this Jewish shit. Look at this fucking postcard photo I took. I should sell this on Etsy.

I mean... living inside a shtetlcore aesthetic? I’m so glad I took photos. I’m making me so nostalgic and sad now ignore me.

This is a thing that exists and it is AWESOME

Oh and we went hiking! Like, a bunch. This is at the top of a hill that’s like, a half hour hike. We’d go up here a lot. One time a bunch of us hiked up here in the middle of the night to howl at the full moon because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . I should’ve taken my camera, maybe it was Shabbat or something? Or maybe I just didn’t have my 35mm lens yet so my f-stop wasn’t low enough but anyway, this valley lit by moonlight is unreal. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Anyway, if this is your jam (JAM, GET IT?), they’re still accepting applications for this fall's cohort, (August 19th- November 21st,).

                                                link--> adamah.org <--

Feel free to DM me if you have questions. #enabler

[diaco1968]

Hello <3

I have an emergency request, I just came out and told my family that I was raped when I was six, and so I'm having to go into a police station and explain in detail of what happened to me. And it's just playing on the front of my mind of what happened. I was wondering if you could write about the MHA boys comforting their S/O when they get flashbacks about it? I totally get it if its a touchy topic, I just really like your work and all, and though it might be nice to read it.

~BorkBork

Hello darling, I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope you leave these days behind you and never have to deal with them again. It IS a touchy subject and you are very brave to have scratched the surface to start the healing. Be strong <3

Note: I did the boys I feel more comfortable doing since it is an emergency request and you didn't specify who, I hope you like these 5 and enjoy reading >_< @borkbork2024

Bakugou

He knew that distant wide eyed look on your face; the way you stared into the distance and clutched whatever was in your hands at the time.

And he hated it. He wanted nothing more to take that look and what was causing it away. But he couldn't do it. At least not without you.

Your knuckles turned white around the mug you were holding and that was his cue. He did his best to sound reassuring and warm. His hands moved towards yours, stopping inches away, hovering patiently.

"(Y/n)... look at me."

Your eyes snapped onto him, still wide and filled with discomfort; hurt; fear. He wished he could take it away.

"I'm going to hold your hands, is that okay?"

It took you a moment before you finally nodded in agreement and he didn't miss a beat, his hands taking the mug away from you and engulfing both your hands into the heat of his much larger hands, stretching your shaky fingers gently and rubbing them to warm them up, looking you straight in the eyes. Seriously but kindly. You could've sworn you could see your hurt reflected into his eyes too. Despite that his voice was soothing as he rubbed tiny slow circles on the back of your hands, making sure you were listening to him as he tried to reassure you.

"It"s over now. You're safe and I'm here with you. I will never let anyone hurt you, ever again. Okay baby?"

Midoriya

He chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, but winced from the pain radiating in his arm, standing corrected that he still felt his arm after the injury.

He got distracted from your worried expression by trying to asses his injuries only momentarily and only to try to relieve you of your worries without having lied to you. And that one moment was enough for your worry to turn into anxiety and stress and that sent you spiraling down a pit of dark flashbacks. Shaky hands turning into tight fists by your sides, jaws locking shut as you closed your eyes tightly, every muscle in your demand clenching subconsciously.

He finally looked up in what felt like hours but was actually seconds and there you were standing, in your typical defense mechanism, and he hadn't felt this dumb in a while as he rushed to you.

"Oh shit, sweetie, are you alright? I'm so stupid, I'm sorry, come here."

He didn't give you time to protest or react as he wrapped his arms around you in what was surprisingly a comfortable hug despite his injured arm and your tight muscles. His hands moved down your arms, squeezing the tense muscles gently to relax them and he grabbed your hands, unclenching them slowly and gently as he smoothed your fingers open, rubbing the palm of your hands where your nails had dug deep in your palms.

"There is nothing to worry about, sweetheart. You know I'll always come back to you. And I will always protect you. Not that you need my protection, you're the strongest person I know, I was just-"

"Midoriya?"

You were talking so that was a good sign and he was glad you interrupted his babbling. Even better was that you now hugged him back and buried your face in his chest

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Be quiet..."

"Okay, sweetie."

He smiled as he hugged you tighter kissing the top of your head.

Shoto

Shoto was exceptionally busy today. He had been running errands all day and when he finally did come home he had loads of paper work on his hands. So you waited patiently all throughout the evening. But no matter how long you waited he didn't finish. You needed him right now though,

He had watched you in silence as you grabbed a chair from the opposite side of his desk and pulled it all the way over to take a seat next to him behind the desk. He had placed his hand on your knee as he leaned in to look at you.

"Is everything alright, little lady?"

He had asked and you had nod your head deciding you couldn't trust your voice enough to explain so you just told him you missed him.

He didn't look like he bought it but you weren't someone to be prodded for a conversation you didn't want to have, so he gave you time as he stroked your knee before turning and going back to work. You brought your knees up to your chest and hugged them once he wasn't looking anymore. At first it was fine being in the room with him. His presence seemed to have driven away your thoughts. But now after a few minutes the thoughts came rushing back.

Fat tears started rolling down your cheeks and heavily dropping on your pants. You couldn't stop the tears and there was no way you could leave the room without giving him a scare, so you just sat there, chest heaving in silent sobs.

But Shoto was already worried, and he turned around to ask you again what had happened. A few seconds of silence as he stared at your face, his rapidly widening eyes chasing a tear down your cheek before he realised and he put everything away. Getting out of his chair he knelt in front of yours on the ground, his hand reaching out, stroking your cheek as he caught a tear on his fingers and wiped it off, trying to catch your eyes, his other hand holding yours on your lap. He wasn't much for words, but for you he'd try.

"Everything is fine, love. You can let it out. I'm here for you. We'll get through this together, alright? I love you."

Dabi

"I said I don't fucking care, get it through your thick skull."

Well he should have cared. You were furious. You didn't even remember how the fight started and what it was about. But that nonchalant 'I don't care about anything' persona he tried to put up was so out of date already. In a fit of blind rage you raised your hand and slapped him across the face. And boy did he not like that. A sound between a shocked gasp and an enraged growl came from him, terrifying you, before he was in your face, roughly grabbing your hands and restraining any further movement you could've made. Your chest tightened as anxiety clawed it's way up your gut.

"What the fuck did you just do?!"

You were trying to pull your arms free but was frozen on the spot by the way he yelled at you. Your whole body went numb, cold chills running up and down your spine as you stared up at him with wide eyes that glossed over immediately.

He knew what was wrong. He knew the way you froze and went numb. It wasn't like your usual fiery self. And he knew that he triggered it. He had never winced harder in his life as he let go of your hands and pulled you into his arms. He pressed you to his chest and rubbed his hands up and down your back to calm you down, internally cursing his recklessness as he buried his nose in your hair.

"...fuck I'm sorry... it's okay, doll. You're okay. No one is hurting you. No one will ever dare hurt you. I'll make sure of that."

Hawks

"Are you okay? What happened?"

The second he heard the glass shattering, he was in the kitchen with you but he wished he had never left to begin with. You were in the kitchen, right there in the middle. There were glass shards and food splatters all around you as you just stood there with your back to the door.

"Dove?"

No reply. As he started to carefully make his way towards you, he saw your arms raise slowly and wrap around yourself and you started heaving loudly. Breathing heavily as if you just ran a marathon, little whimpers and dry sobs spilling out of your lips and soon turning into tiny but persistent hiccups. And he knew all about this. This defense mechanism your mind subconsciously hid behind.

"(Y/n)!"

He closed the distance between you, placing his hands on your arms, rubbing them up and down as he tried to catch your eyes, calling your name over and over until you finally looked at him. He pulled you closer, his wings extending as they wrapped around the two of you, shutting off the rest of the world.

Yours and his so called wings' safety circle.

It was a thing he came up with to calm you down and make you feel better and it did work. In his arms and in between his wings, which created a warm little space for you where even the noise from the rest of the world was muffled and cut out, you felt safe. Your breathing slowly went back to normal as you watched the feathers rustle slowly, with your cheek on his chest, feeling his calming heartbeat and syncing with it.

"I've got you, dove. No one can touch you here. It's just you and me and I've got you, (y/n)."

[royalty-subway]

Hello! If reqs are open, may I kindly request headcanons for Subway Bosses with a pre-transition Trans FtM partner if you're comfortable with it? Thank you! If reqs are closed, I hope you have a wonderful day anyways! ^^ -Hunter Anon

Ye. The requests are still open. I just apparently have a lot of it- ;w; (I could close it, but nah, too lazy-)

Oof. I assume this is like one of those before and after transitioning. Like, where the s/o realizes they’re trans, and this is like, the process of everything. But hey, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. Since I’m dumb- ;w;

Emmet

Well, here’s the funny thing. If you were to tell him that you’re trans. Like, about to change your identity kind of thing. He might be a bit surprised, but he’s like “oh cool-”

Like, don’t take this the wrong way, but he couldn’t exactly care, but he’s very supportive about it. It’s hard to explain. I think the “I don’t care” part comes from him being panromantic. So like, he couldn’t care what gender you identify as in that sense.

But like, in any other sense, he’s very supportive about it. And he’s definitely up for helping you. Along with Elesa, since she’s one for style and appearances. Don’t worry, she’s very open with these sorts of things but it’s cool if you don’t wish for her help-

He definitely still likes you, no matter what. Even with this trans transition that happened. And he’s not afraid or uncomfortable to show it. Like, “omg, my s/o is literally the most amazing person I've met, and fuck you if you say otherwise-”

He’ll actually beat the shit out of anyone that dares to question your shit. Like, sending them to the hospital and making them lose their job potential for the rest of their life kind of deal. He’s very serious about that.

Ingo

I mean, he was surprised to learn that you’re trans. Or at least about to pre-transition from it since you just came out just now. Anyone would be surprised at that moment-

But like, he’s very supportive about it and he still does genuinely like you still despite all this. Like, he’s biromantic, so it’s no issue for him. Sure, he always saw you as a girl since you identified as one for a while, so this sudden change will be something.

Like, the point is that he doesn’t mind being around a pre-transition trans FtM. It just might take him sometime to adjust fully since you were a girl since he first met you and he wants to respect and support you.

… And he does that by helping you possibly transition if you wish for his guidance. Like, whether we’re talking about making you appear more dude-like and buying clothes for you. Whatever helps.

… He has heard stories of those who had a sex change surgery. He’s not sure if you’d be interested in such, but it’s okay if you’re not or if you wish to think about it or stick with what you are already. But just know that he’s willing to do anything for you.

[writersblog20]

Everybody has a hard time, from time to time

Tom Hiddleston x Freader

Warnings: reader being drunk, little bit of anxiety but disguised as nervousness.Angst but not too much. Language. And feeling worthless. Readers boss gaslighting her but it’s not much. age-gap reader is 25. Implied smut sort of? But also not really

Words: 3470

Summary: The reader meets Tom Hiddleston and he asked her out on a date. But on the date she gets a call from her extremely drunken best friend….

A/N: I just went with it and I don’t even know what it turned out hahaha I'm also sorry for the spelling mistakes and stuff

Everybody has a hard time from time to time

Y/N was walking down the streets. Headphones in and 4 coffees on a tray. She sighed and started walking faster back to her stupid job. Her boss gave her a really hard time but lately it had gotten worse. She tried to calm down and take a minute but balancing lunch and coffee was definitely not on her resume. She was so lost in her thought that she got back to it until her butt hit the pavement pretty hard.

Everything went so fast and she felt the very hot coffee on her chest soaking her blouse. “Fuck!” she cursed out. “oh my god I’m so sorry” the man said who was kneeling besides her now trying to help her. “it’s fine. Just going to get fired now. but honestly it’s fine” you said in anger.

You looked up and to your surprise you saw it was your favorite actor Tom Hiddleston. Worry filled his pool blue eyes. you wanted to freak out but honestly you were more freaking out about your boss right now. “God I really am sorry ma’am. Let me pay for some new coffee!” he told you kindly. You carefully tried to dry your blouse. Tom got a dry sweater from his bag.

“please take it, god I’m so sorry” He told you with actual more worry in his eyes. “is there anything I can do for you? I can walk with you to your boss to explain what happened” he told you a little panicked. You chuckled at the sweet gesture and started to feel sorry for him because how bad he felt.

“It’s okay. I doubt that would change much.” He nodded. “are you hurt?” he asked you helping you up. “eh no I’m fine I think.” You told him. “I’m really sorry please take my jumper. I know it isn’t much but at least it’s dry” he told you and almost shove it in your hands. “thank you!” you told him and he looked a little more relaxed that he at least could do something for you.

“well I should go now.” you told him. “I do need that jumper back” he told you with a grin and you started to feel flustered. “right I’m sorry I….” he cut you off before you could finish that sentence. “I ehm never really do this but how about you give it back on our date? If you would gladly accept of course. My treat for what happened.” You were starstruck but you thought he wanted to take you on a date out of pity. “ you don’t have to do that Tom, you don’t have to take me on a date because you feel bad. Gives off the wrong signals.” You told him while cleaning your pants from the dirt on the ground.

“I’m eh Tom” he told you. You chuckled “yeah I know. Big fan” you said still chuckling and he giggled a little. He waited for you to say your name but you were lost in thoughts again. “oh I’m sorry I’m Y/N” he giggled and gently took your hand and placed a kiss on the top of it. “it’s really nice to meet you. And again I’m very sorry how we met” he said scratching his head. “it’s not all your fault. I was very lost in thought so I should've looked where i was walking” you told him.

“I want to take you out on a date because you are magnificently beautiful and now I have more of a reason to make it up to you. That’s why I want to take you out.” He told you with a gentle smile. “oh ehm well then I would love to go on a date with you” you told him flustered feeling extremely dumb at the moment. “Are you free this Saturday evening?” he asked you. “yeah absolutely” you told him. he gave you his phone and you put your number in it. “I’ll text you.” He said with a wink. “okay” was all you could say. You stood there for a minute before going back.

On your way you changed into Tom’s jumper and got new coffee and lunch. You made your way back to your job. You obvious got shit from your boss and you told her what happened but she wasn’t taking it. “you are absolutely worthless! You can’t even get some fucking coffee! I don’t even know why I hired you in the first place. You can go and you don’t have to come back” she told you

It made you furies. There was no way she would take you back and honestly you wouldn’t even want that. “That’s fine cause I wanted to quit either way. You are one horrible person and treat people like shit but honestly you are the biggest piece of shit in this whole building. Probably even in this whole city. So I don’t mind. Bye!!!” you told her and she looked dumbfounded by your sudden outburst.

You walked out of the building with your head up high and a big smile on your face. You really felt more alive at this moment. You got back home and that’s when it hit you that you still had to pay your rent. You started cursing and kicked a chair. You called one of your friends and he came right away to you. “Girl! You got some bad bitch energy! How you stood up against her… I mean damn. That and you have a date with The hot Tom Fucking Hiddleston! Girl you’re so lucky!” he told you while shaking a cocktail for you both.

You chuckled “I’m not gonna drink right now” you told him. “Girl you have better plans? You just got fired and you have nowhere to be right now so just take that drink and live a little! You’re 25 for god’s sake!” You chuckled again and took the drink from him. “you know what you should do? Sell your art! Finish that book that you were writing! I mean I’ve seen your work and it’s absolutely amazing! And since I’m in the art business I might be able to help you out in that and give you an exposition! ” He told you. “let me think about it okay?” you told him a little sad.

“babe you’ve got to stop being scared! You are absolutely amazing on every front! Everyone can see that except for you. So please let me do this for you” He told you. “I just don’t want to get my hopes up and be declined like almost always. I don’t feel good enough and I don’t think I can take another rejection again” you told him honestly.

“it’s life babes…. There will be times where you’re still going to get rejected but don’t let that bring you down. You have to keep fighting for it. And your art is worth fighting for. Believe me! I’m your most honest friend and I’m telling you this from the bottom of my heart. You are good enough! Hell you are more than that! You just have to believe in yourself!” you smiled at his kindness and thought about it. “you know what? Fuck it! Let’s do it!” you told him feeling strong! “yes queen! that’s my girl! Bad bitch energy!” you giggled and got immensely drunk to celebrate it.

~time skip~

The week got by pretty quick and as Luke told you, you got accepted and they were more excited to give you an exposition. You started to search for jobs that you would actually like and started writing again. Life was going good again and you felt so strong and confident until you had the date which would be tomorrow.

You were so nervous. Tom didn’t text you yet and you didn’t have his phone number so it was hard to get in touch with him. Anxiety got the best of you. What if he forgot? What if he forgot about you or changed his mind? Just when your mind got into overdrive you heard your phone pinged. You quickly got it and saw an unknown number. You felt your heart pound in your chest. You opened the text.

“Hello Love, It’s Tom. Are you still up for tomorrow? I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch sooner, it was a chaotic week.” It felt like you could breathe again and texted him back immediately. “Hey Tom, Yes I’m still up for tomorrow. Can’t wait!” You send the message and immediately thought you should texted him a different message. Your phone went off again. But this time he called you. You drowned your wine for some confident.

“Hey Tom.” You said a little nervous. He chuckled. “hello darling” your heart skipped a beat at the nickname and you felt butterflies I mean it was Tom Hiddleston for god’s sake! “I’ll pick you up around 5. Is that okay?” he asked you. “eh yeah of course sure! I ehm am looking forward to it!” you told him honestly. “me too darling” he told you with a chuckle. You both said your goodbyes and you put your phone down.

You tried to watch a movie to get your mind of off your anxiety. When the movie was over you tried to go to bed but you kept staring at your ceiling. I’m not like the other girls he dated. You thought to yourself. But then tried to set it straight by saying maybe that’s the point but then other thoughts consumed you. You tried to fight all the thought by positives one until the early hours of the morning. You finally fell asleep around 5 AM.

Once you woke up you got very excited. It was already 2 in the afternoon since you slept so crappy. You texted your Luke but got no response. You figured he was still asleep. You picked your clothes and 5 PM got around faster then you thought it would. You heard your doorbell and opened up. There he was standing Tom Hiddleston. Alongside with some flowers. No other date had given you flowers. He checked you out with his lips slightly parted. He chuckled: “wow you look amazing!” he said with a small blush creeping up on his cheeks. You giggled. “you too mister Hiddleston” you said boldly which made him chuckle again. He really did look great. He wore a small blouse and a blue blazer over it and jeans. “oh eh these are for you” he told you. You could tell he was nervous as hell which made you feel a little bit more at peace knowing that you weren’t the only one.

“come inside. I’m just going to put these in some water.” You told him and he followed you inside. He loved your apartment. It gave off such a warm cozy vibe. It felt like home. He looked at your art work on the wall. “I adore your apartment.” He told you which made you smile. “thank you” you told him kindly. “I’m ready to go” you told him with a chuckle. You got your coat of the hanger. “Here let me, please.” He told you and got the coat out of your hands and helped you in your coat. It made you flustered and swoon. God you were already falling head over heels for this men.

You both walked into a restaurant but it wasn’t a fancy one but more cozy. You loved it. You talked for hours and both drank some red wine. You both hit it off so well and you were absolutely smitten. And he was too if not more. You both were so much on one line it was amazing. You knew you would never find this again and it kind of scared you. You told him about your boss since he asked if you got trouble that day you first met him and you told the story until you got a call from Luke.

You frowned a little. He knew you were on a date and he would never interrupt you unless it was an emergency. “everything okay?” Tom asked you. “Yeah I just have to take this. I am so sorry!” He chuckled it’s fine” he told you reassuring. You nodded and walked off to the bathroom and picked up. “Luke? What’s wrong?” you asked when you heard him sobbing on the phone. You could tell he was absolutely smashed. “Can you please come to my place? I really need you right now. you can even take Tom with you but please” He begged you with an obvious slur. You felt your heart break for him. You sighed. “alright I’m on my way. Can you hang on?” you asked him. “yeah” he told you still crying. “Thank you so much Y/N I’m so sorry” he told you. “I know it’s okay. I’m on my way okay?”

You hang up the phone and went back to Tom. “everything alright?” he asked you and you felt so guilty. “I eh my friend he needs me right now. he is absolutely smashed and crying and I don’t know what is wrong but he asked me to come to him.” Tom looked at the table “I’m so sorry! I had a lovely time and I would love to do this some time again! If you still want to of course…” You said the last part a little softer. He smiled at you. “I eh could go with you if you’d like and if it’s okay with your friend.” Tom told you. “Are you sure? You really don’t have to” you told him. “I’m going to be honest with you. I really like you and I don’t want this evening to stop…. So if that means taking care of your drunken friend to be with you, I will. But I understand if you feel different.” This time Tom said the last part a little softer. You chuckled and felt your body filling up with love. “I really like you too Tom and in that case… Let’s go” you chuckled. He looked a little surprised but happy.

Tom paid the bill even when you tried to intervene but he wasn’t having it. “next time you can pay” he told you with a wink. You were flustered. He helped you to get your coat on and you both made your way. You slightly touched his hand and put yours in his. He looked a little surprised down at you. “I eh is this okay?” you asked him a little nervous. “it is, love.” You looked down a little with a smile. His thumb caressing the back of your hand softly. “I’m really sorry about this.” You told him honestly. “really it’s okay. I totally understand!” he told you truthfully.

You got to Luke’s house and you used your keys. “Luke? It’s me, where are you?” you asked him. you heard Abba blasting through the speakers. You immediately turned it down a bit. Empty bottles were laying everywhere. “Y/N?” Luke called out to you. You followed the sound and saw him laying by the toilet. You took of your coat and walked over to him and sat him down by the toilet. “What happened?” you asked him. he sniffled a little. “Cooper broke up with me and even over a text message” you looked at him a little sad for him. you went with your hands through his hair. Tom stood behind you but Luke didn’t notice yet. Luke started to laugh. Great mood swings you thought. Tom gave you a glass of water and you smiled a little at him. You gave the water to Luke. He looked up and saw Tom. Tom waved at him a little. “oh he’s so cute and hot!” he told you like Tom wouldn’t hear it. You started to laugh. You looked at Tom and he chuckled.

“I’m sorry I ruined your date” he looked at you and Tom. “we’ll there’s going to be a second so don’t worry too much about it” you told him and you looked at Tom who winked at you. Luke started to throw up and you both looked away. You softly touched Luke’s back to let him know you weren’t going anywhere. “you okay?” you asked after he was done. “yeah I think I can get up now.” he told you. “okay good let’s get you upstairs then.” You helped Luke up which was a challenge on its own. “here let me” Tom said and took Luke over from you. He put Luke’s arm over his shoulders and helped him upstairs. Luke started to stare at Tom.

“Luke…. You’re staring.” You told him. “I know.” Luke told you serious and furrowed his eyebrows at Tom. “Look. I’m thankful you help me but you better take care of my best friend alright! She’s an angel and don’t you dare to hurt her!” he slurred at Tom while you were already in Luke’s bedroom. “I’m not planning on it mate. I promise.” He told Luke. He narrowed his eyebrows. “yeah I believe that. Finally a good guy Y/N!” he yelled happy at you. You flustered again. You mouthed: “I’m sorry” at Tom and he just gave you a reassuring smile. You both put Luke into bed. You put an extra pillow under his head for the nausea. You put down a bucket and a glass of water beside him.

“please stay the night. I don’t want to be alone and your boyfriend can stay too” you were both flustered at the last part Luke said. “I’ll stay don’t worry. But you need some sleep now.” Luke nodded and turned around. “I love you” Luke told you sleepy. “I love you too” you told him and closed the door and leaned against it. “I’m really sorry about this. Normally it doesn’t happen” you told Tom a little embarrassed. He put a hand on your cheek “it’s okay love. Really we all have moments like this” you nodded. “well I need a drink now…. You want one?” you asked and chuckled. “yeah sounds good” he said and chuckled as well.

You both went downstairs and took out the empty bottles and after that made you both a drink. You sat down on the couch and Tom next to you. You both talked into the late hours and started to get drunk. You were leaning against Tom by now. you looked up at him and he looked down at you with love and adoration in his eyes. “please stay tonight.” You kind of asked him. “only if you want me to” he told you. “yeah I do. But just to clarify I never took a guy back home (or well my friends house) to stay the night” You told him with a chuckle. He laughed as well. When it got silence you just stared at each other.

His face ,slowly, started to get closer to you giving you enough time to pull away but instead you softly put your lips on his. His hand caressing your cheek and your hand in his hair slightly pulling at it as the kiss started to get heated. He pulled you on his lap, both of your legs on either side of him. His hands going under your shirt and stayed on your back. He slowly got up and laid you down on the couch with your legs around his waist. You broke from the kiss and put your hand on his chest. “Tom…. I don’t want to do it on the first date and definitely not here” you chuckled which made him giggle as well. “totally understandable!” He told you.

“I can go I you want me to” he told you. “no, please stay.” He gave you a warm smile that made your heart melt. You made some space so Tom could lay down as well. You laid your head on his chest and he went with his hands through your hair. Well this was definitely not the perfect date…. But luckily it was with the perfect guy.

[infinitegalahad]

RAY IN THE BATHROOM

Summary: Ray is hiding in a bathroom and has a panic attack over the fact that his only real friend and the love of his life has (supposedly) left him for Brad.

Word-Count: 2.1k

Warnings: References of suicidal thoughts, ptsd, and severe anxiety. Brad is a semi-asshole. Hop on the angst train (with fluff at the end!)

A/N: I was listening to Be More Chill because let's just say that I can heavily relate to Micheal In The Bathroom due to recent events in my life. So then again, what better way to cope then using my biggest kin, Ray Person, in a totally not self indulgent fic?? Also as for the prompt requests-i'm working on them! Sorry, school has been bad. I'm keeping a promise to myself to release at least once a a week and I'm on a gen kill rampage. Idk what else to add so enjoy!

Taglist: @theboardwalkbody

Masterlist | Send In A Prompt!

Ray doesn’t expect himself to be hanging in the bathroom at their first year reunion. But instead of “hanging”, he’s hiding. Those emotions that never come out are now coming back to haunt him. Ray knows he can't hide behind a shit eating grin and sunglasses. He leaned up against the tub inside of the cramped room, his sunglasses tucked into the neck of his polo as tears sting his eyes.

Ray’s legs felt numb and he knows if he looks into the mirror and sees his flushed face and eyes, he won’t be able to conceal his crying. He’s not able to go back outside and would prefer to fake pee or just check his phone in the bathroom.

“C’mon brah!” Q-tip whined like a child, crossing his legs. “This hurts like a butt cheek on a stick”

“You can’t come in!” Ray yelled as he held back a sob, “The little man is going. Suck it up, buttercup.”

Q-tip had been knocking on the door for over ten minutes before giving up and choosing to pee outside. Ray let out a shaky sigh and fell onto the thin side of the bathtub, biting his lip and he batted his wet eyes with his palms.

Ray and y/n had been an unexpected trio. Partners in crime, double trouble, you went well together despite their differences. You were an educated college student and he was a whiskey tango mess who couldn’t shut his mouth for the life of it. You cried, laughed, and did everything together. Little known to y/n, Ray didn’t have a crush on her-but he was more than in love.

However, when Ray is having severe social anxiety, an event he would typically rely on y/n to help him with, his “partner in crime” falls short. Ray knows that y/n is light years better than him. Here was the smartest and most beautiful woman he had met next to a college dropout who didn’t make it past Geometry.

Now the “perfect pair” is severed, leaving one half alone in the bathroom.

Ray’s forgotten how long he’s been in the bathroom for. These types of events always felt forced, and everyone knew that. Whenever that awkwardness would arise, Ray and y/n would choose to ditch and steal a few beers and sit in the bathtub, watching an obscure eighties film in the dark, cramped room with Ray’s god awful commentary.

But even though Ray has Born American downloaded, he can’t bring himself to watch it. Now he’s laying in the bathtub, picking at grout as he softly grieves. He’s hiding in there while y/n is ignoring all of their history.

Ray first arrived at the party, making a dramatic entrance. He made sure everybody knew that he was there, especially y/n. His original plan was to wear a purple tux he had snatched from walamrt since it was ugly as fuck, and Ray knew that. But knowing that you were going to be there, Ray made an attempt with an expensive navy polo and khaki shorts, courtesy of Nate.

Upon seeing you, Ray ran over from whatever he was doing to talk to you. Whether you were OD’S or a casual jumpsuit, you looked dead drop gorgeous-and Ray never knew how to express his affections. So he pulled you into a hug and muttered a shitty joke, and you just laughed.

Over the course of the next hour, the two of you catched up about your mundane lives. It made Ray feel guilty since he knew that you were better than him in every way possible, on the road of success. Your future sounded like you would go to some fancy school and then marry a lawyer. Ray wanted to be good for you, but he didn’t know how to at all. He followed you around like a lost puppy for the rest of the party, feeling a tinge of jealousy whenever one of the guys would give you a chaste hug or when you wouldn't pay attention to him for five minutes.

Ray didn’;t know why the fuck eh was feeling so sappy. It wasn’t like the two of you were dating (even though that’s exactly what he wanted).

Ray doesn’t hate Brad, but he just hates whenever he talks to you. He sees the two of you, smiling and laughing as you catch u[. Ray knows it’s rude, but he buds in and offers to get drinks for the “three amigos”. You kindly accept and Ray goes away to get drinks. He makes sure to spit inside of Brad’s drink as a childish act of revenge.

As Ray walks down the hallway balancing the three drinks, he pauses to hide behind the door since he hear’s Brad mention his name. You and Brad had moved to the couch, sitting too close for Ray’s comfort levels. He had an arm slung over the couch, which was barely touching you, but Ray had taken it as an offense.

Standing by the doorway and leaning, he overheard Brad’s words.

“Ray’s a little shit, whiskey tango loser, sister fucking, type of man. I don’t know what you see in him,” Brad had casually said, cold and straight to the point. He truly lived up to his name.

That’s when Ray dropped the drinks and ran towards the bathroom. He didn’t hear you respond, and that was the last thing he needed to hear.

Now Ray’s sitting in the tub, no longer holding tears back, but there coming out. A sob escapes his mouth and he tries to smile, but he can’t. He gets a taste of his salty tears and tries to stop the waterworks, but they come back, bigger and faster. It’s been a while since he had a good cry-but it happened at one of the most inconvenient times. And it was over a stupid girl-who he coulnd’t deny that he was in love with.

But y/n was lightyears ahead of him. Besides, Brad was (seemingly) a better fit for her. The scenario began to play in Ray’s wild mind. The memories of “double trouble” will get erased. Their wedding will be small, paid for by the Colberts. Q-Tip will DJ, Godfather will make a speech with his horrid voice, and Ray will make a shitty joke as usual. Worst had come to the worst.

Ray hears a drunk Q-tip sing along through the door to “I wanna dance with somebody”. His feelings sink even deeper cause it makes him think; now there’s no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore. That was y/n’s favorite hobby about these forced get-togethers.

Ray knew that at some point, he’d be forced to come out. As he chokes back the incoming tears, he waits until his face becomes dry, planning to blame it on weed or something in his eyes or the five bud lights he regrets drinking.

Knock, knock, knock, knock

Ray looks up and wipes his face, forcing a fake laugh. “Oh hell yeah, I'll be out soon.”

“Ray, it’s me.” It’s y/n’s voice, and Ray can’t believe it’s her. A part of him wants her to come in, but the other part wants him to defend himself.

“Why do you want me to come out when you can hang out with your new big strong viking? Who talks all educated and shit since you just love being around him.” Ray spits out with a few sniffles.

Based on his words and the sniffles, you can tell something is clearly wrong.

You shake your head and lightly knock again, “Please, that’s not what happened. Brad’s an idiot, and we’re just friends. “Please, come out.”

Ray got out from the tub and came close to the door, feeling your frantic breathes again the door. “My biggest mistake was showing up. I wished I stayed up watching cable porn, or I offered myself. Besides, he’s better for you. Just go away.”

Hearing him say such things made you worry even more, afraid that he could do something to himself that he’d regret.

“Ray, open the damn door. Don’t say dumb shit.” You pleaded, frantically twisting the door knob. The worry was evident in your voice.

“No, fuck you! Fuck this whole place. You’re smart; just leave me alone.” Ray banged against the door as tears came down his face. He immediately regretted his choice of words, knowing that they would hurt you. He turned away to return to the bathtub, only to stop when he heard you now sniffling.

Mega fuck.

Ray reluctantly walks back to the door and opens it, to see your face, all red and wet like this. Both of you stood there, disheveled, tears both running down your face.

Not a single word was spoken between the two of you as you ran into his arms, pulling him close as you cried into his chest. Ray used his foot to slam the door shut and then proceeded to pull you into a bearhug, stroking the back of your head as he comforted you through your sobs.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He repeated as his tears stained your shoulder as well, “I didn’t-fuck. I’m such a retar-” He froze, knowing that you hated that word. “Idiot. I just-fuck. Don’t cry. You’ll ruin all the stuff on your face-”, Ray said as he tilted your face up and started to wipe your tears.

“Makeup. ‘S fine, I’m not wearing much. I just didn’t wanna get mistaken for a middle schooler again.”

Ray and you both let out a chuckle in the midst of your shared crying session. He’s still wiping the tears from your face as you rest your arms on his waist.

“First time we met, y’know. Godfather thought you had a dick for a long time.” Ray added, which earned another laugh from you.

You shook your head, “Remember when Trombley found out I was a girl?”

“Looked like he was about to shit himself-he wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“Ugh, ‘s a nightmare.” The two of you filled the void with the awakened laughter you shared. Ray’s tiny hands moved to your chin, directing it slightly up.

“I still think you’re pretty hot either way, angel.” Ray confessed. The two of you looked at each other for a minute, seeing the love and pupils widen in both of your eyes. Standing on your toes, you and Ray’s lips gently pecked at each other. You could taste the bud light on his lips as Ray’s lips overpowered yours, gently cupping and sucking passionately.

“Fuck,” Ray breathed through the kiss as your foreheads touched, “I love you.”

“Shit, I’ve been waiting for you to say that,” You chuckled as your finger’s played with Ray’s dark hair. It’s gotten longer, and it’s at a length where he can awkwardly style it, but since Ray is Ray-it’s a mess, “I love you too. I’m sorry about Brad, you know how he is.”

“I just thought you and him were having a moment. I just started overthinking it since I thought you didn't wanna be around me. Which is chill, I was vibing,” Ray attempted to joke, which was a way to cope with his pain.

You shake your head and hold his face to reassure him. Ray looks down at you in awe, which makes a smile curve on your lips.

“Brad wasn’t touching me, he just was stretched out on the couch. Ray, don’t say that. You were in the bathroom for over an hour. I knew that you were ethier upset or having explosive diarrhea from Nate’s vegan casserole-or both.”

“That shit was beyond nasty. I bet he got all the ingredients at Trader joes and sold his soul just to buy it.” Ray quickly quipped.

“Jesus, don’t make me vomit.” You huffed as you looked at the bathtub, “Now are you gonna come out now without beating up someone?”

“Yes babycakes, as long as you do one thing.”

Cringing, you force a smile. It’s not because you don’t love him, but sometimes what comes out of his mouth can be questionable. “Yes Ray?”

He grabs your hand, which fits right into his. “Gotta show the homies who’s the alpha around here.”

You don’t mind holding Ray’s hand. You like the tight squeezes and the feel of his soft skin. As the two of you walk out of the bathroom back into the life of the party with the smell of barbeque and the august heat in the air.

“Oh god Ray, shut up.”

Ray simply responds with a goosey laugh.

[missinghan]

to my youth ⤖ lee felix

❖ genre : summer au; high school au; fluff

❖ word count : 11,6k.

❖ warning : explicit language, slow burn

❖ summary : it is official that life hates you because not only was your first few days of summer ruined by a stupid field trip, but things also got somewhat freaky… whatever kind of ‘freaky’ you’re thinking about.

❖ note : i know i said i’m ‘experimenting’ with new stuff but guess who’s back with another mediocre, not-that-well-written mess of a domestic au; please (kindly) yell at me to dabble into a new genre after bearing through this fic- happy reading!

one.

The echoes of your summer days remain as flowers immune to the winter chill, they say.

You’re not entirely sure who even fathomed their time and effort to come up with that statement but from your point of view, those flowers would most likely have either died out from the summer heat or withered horrendously because of the arbitrary showers of rain. Or you’re the only one who doesn’t have the luxury to see life through a rose-colored lens.

Because the first thing that comes to mind for you is the bucket of ice-cream and a YouTube OG that you’ve ceased to finish since finals started two weeks ago. The bell rings, pens down, everyone pours out of the classroom after handing in their exam papers. No one really bothers to check up on each other’s answers anymore; the last subject for today was AP Psych and you don’t know about them but you honestly can’t care any less thereafter cramming the entirety of five chapters. 

Sprinting down the staircase, you easily spot Felix amongst the midst of drowsy high school students for the bright color of his hair. He truly believes that if he slaps enough hair essence and coconut oil on his head four times a week, his hair won’t feel like straws when he changes it every other three weeks. But it’s only a matter of time before balding catches up to him, he’ll learn eventually.

“Please don’t tell me that you left your keys in class,” you sigh upon the sight of him fumbling with his folders and textbooks while trying to open his locker in vain. Just thinking about walking all the way back to the third floor makes you want to use your backpack as a pillow and take a nice nap in the middle of the hallway.

“Gee, Y/N,” Felix makes a face to not show the sense of relief washing over him when he locks eyes with you. “Who do you take me as? A clumsy person?”

“No, just a dumbass.” You coldly snatch a slipping book from his arms before turning to twist the disc in the combination of your birthday until the lock clicks, shaking the shackle off to swing his locker open. It’s a silent tradition that you both set each other’s birthday as your locker’s combination since elementary school; it started out as a stupid joke at first but neither of you really bothered to change it. 

“Why the hell would you put your keys in the locker?” you widen your eyes in disbelief as he grabs the bright yellow Spongebob plushie to collect his keys with a shit-eating grin

“My alarm didn’t go off today, so I was running a little late,” he defends himself while dumping everything out of his backpack, hugging an empty water bottle to his side. 

You throw a wave at a very tired Hyunjin walking side by side with Seungmin on his right and Jisung skipping happily towards your direction. Seungmin looks exceptionally moody today, you pray he didn’t mess up an easy question to take it out on all of you later in the car. “Bet you were staying up late to play Overwatch with Chan.” 

Felix manages to grin stiffly at your comment, turning on his heels and trudges onto the school’s parking lot. “Fine, walk home.” 

“Hey, you forgot to lock this!” you pull his steps into a halt by making a grab for his hand, utterly oblivious at how his cheeks flare up with a bright shade of red at your touch. Or out of embarrassment. Whatever, same thing. 

Felix might be a better driver than you, but he’d be fired ten seconds into the job of a babysitter.

With that being said, when Jeongin decides it’s a good idea to cheer a passive-aggressive, post-exams Seungmin up with a carton of strawberry milk and then proceeds to get lost in his own school, the very same school he’s been attending for who knows how long, you’re the one who manually pulls his ass back into Mrs. Lee’s Jeep within ten minutes. 

And Seungmin has already fallen asleep by the time Jeongin’s back, so now he’s the passive-aggressive one while sipping on the milk bitterly. Either way, this is why you headcount although there are only six of you after Changbin starts getting busy with his college applications. 

“What took you so long?” Jisung looks up from his phone the moment you climb into the passenger’s seat, clicking in your seatbelt (drive safe, kids). 

You immediately feel the need to snap a photo of Jeongin accidentally breaking the cafeteria’s door with the staff running towards him in a panic. They’re more scared for his life than the door itself and that’s… sweet to say the least but with the way that the embarrassed boy is glaring at you through the rear-view mirror, you decide to keep your lips sealed. 

“It’s getting dark so all hallways start to look the same, you genius.”

Jisung momentarily sticks his tongue out at you. “God, you’re so rude to me. You’d never talk to Felix like that.”

“Because,” you drawl. “Lix is a pure-hearted angel descended from the realms of Heaven. Whereas, even Lucifer would see you as an eyesore in hell.”

“See! You’re doing it again!” Jisung points a finger at you in accusation, jumping up and down in his seat but no one really cares. It’s not like you’re speaking any false facts. “Stop bullying me!”

Seungmin shifts his body a little, nose scrunched up at the noises that wake him right up. “Jisung,” he warns his friend without opening his eyes. “Sit the fuck down, you have five seconds.”

Felix smirks when Jisung immediately cowers, slumping and leaning himself against Hyunjin in utter defeat. He learned not to mess with Seungmin after throwing a wallet at him on impulse. “Jealous much, Han?” 

“Nah, she’s all yours bro,” Jisung waves it off tiredly; bickering and making fun of Felix’s gigantic crush on you is too much for his brain to process today. He can really use a long, solid twelve-hour summer hibernation after getting home. 

The statement prompts Felix to look over at you when there’s a red light—the same exact moment as you stop staring at the bakery from across the road to lock eyes with him. There’s a little spark igniting at the pit of his stomach, stirring up butterflies inside his rib cage. But he snaps out of it after seeing you raise a brow at him, implying a silent ‘what?’ before turning away again. Felix has always been the type to stare so you don’t bother to think about it too much. 

The problem is: he only stares at you that way. 

A shade of coral creeps its way up to his cheeks, his gaze averting back on the roads when the light turns green. As Felix tries to calm the erratic tempo of his heartbeat, he also thinks about how much time he’d have left to confess before high school is over and everyone takes their own different paths. Then again, the future is far too blurry for him to make out anything and the thought of changes petrifies him a bit too much. 

Felix wishes to hold your hand until the very end but he’s a little scared...because what if you never wanted to be with him in the first place?

two.

Your brother has one talent, and that’s his ability to irritate the living daylight out of you even when he’s practically on the other side of the planet.

Minho (un)fortunately finished his finals with flying colors, and inevitably, you’re the first victim to receive a series of texts that consisted of nothing but self-indulgent, excessive bragging. Basically, he’s allowed to do whatever slash go wherever for a good three weeks before his summer internship begins, dragging his dumb ass back to hell—where he rightfully belongs. 

He’s probably chomping on a terribly unhealthy amount of pizza, pretzels, and any type of New York street food that you can name from the top of your head. It’s not like he’s paying for them anyway since Chan doesn’t allow people to touch their wallets if they happen to eat out with him. 

Your phone vibrates obnoxiously on your desk, the judder slightly muffled because it’s lying on top of your wide-open psych textbook. You haven’t bothered with cleaning up yet; finals only ended yesterday and you decide that you won’t touch anything until the disarray starts to scrape against your nerves. 

Side note: you’ve specifically told everyone not to call you three consecutive days after finals because yes, you’re that much of a loner, and yes, your stamina level for tolerating human interaction is awfully low. 

Second side note: no one ever listens. 

“Good morning, this is Lee Minho’s personal bullshit pail,” you mumble after your thumb swipes against the screen to pick up, your limbs curled up on the floor. “How can I possibly help you today?” Your morning voice isn’t necessarily threatening but rather scary; according to what Minho claimed, it sounds identical to that creepy girl from The Grudge so he groans aloud, his voice suddenly going out of focus on the other line from pulling his phone away.

“Jesus Christ are you still in your hermit phase after finals?” he questions callously, sounding not at all pleased with the way you greeted him. “Where’s mom and dad? Usually, they would have slammed your ass by now for staying inside like a vampire.”

“Don’t be insufferable, it’s only like…” you trail off while bending forward to take a good look at the little Sumiko Gurashi alarm on your bookshelf that Felix gave you during middle school. “Nine thirty-something and they’re at the park to exercise, duh- why do you care?”

Your brother almost sings on the phone, “Because you’re my little baby sister-” And this prompts you to pull the device away for the sake of your poor ear. It doesn’t help when you’re already surrounded by a group full of obnoxiously loud individuals on a daily basis. Not trying to call anyone out but Han Jisung is at the top of the list, his name in bold, capital letters being circled and underlined multiple times with a red marker.

“Who do I gotta kill to sleep in on a dreadful Sunday morning as any normal, cranky, antisocial high school student would?” you deadpan and rub the bridge of your nose dreadfully. 

“I don’t know, go murder Jisung or something.” Honestly, that’s tempting… but no.

You can physically see the smug smile on his face right now, simpering in delight at your imminent misery. He knows goddamn well about your relationship with sleeping schedules and that’s the perfect excuse for him to ruin those little specks of time when your brain cells are getting an actual break. 

These are also the times when you wish phones don’t fucking exist. 

“By the way, are you gonna go on the field trip tomorrow?” 

This question wakes you up almost completely because your eyes are now wide as a fish’s out of water, your hand automatically putting him on speaker before digging through the folders inside your backpack. What field trip? No one said anything about a field trip. And who thought it’s a good idea to force some worn-out, post-exams, sleep-deprived students into a field trip right after finals?

Minho hums coyly when the only response he’s getting is the rustling sound from your backpack, “Hmm, see what I meant there, little sis? Oh, the downside of living under a rock at its finest.” He doesn’t have to be here for you to fully picture the way that his lips curl up, dark brows wiggling whenever he’s right about something. Your brother wins most of the time against other people but overtaking you is an entirely different story.

“Oh screw off and go buy yourself a sense of humor.”

“Don’t be so mopey, isn’t Felix gonna be there?”

“What does Felix have to do with this?” you grit after managing to pull out a piece of paper from the very back, buried under countless of your essays. And it reads ‘field trip’ in caps at the top with tomorrow’s date right beneath. The trip lasts for three days, you’re going camping with the grizzly bears for three days—a total nightmare, basically. 

“Pfft, you’re actually dense for someone with a sparkly report card,” he sneers. “That kid has been crushing on you since elementary school. Are the signals that fucked up?”

“You mean when I accidentally spilled orange juice over his head? Sure, bet that’s why he’s so head over heels for me,” you snicker, unfazed by these kinds of statements. Minho only knows Felix because he was the president of your school's dance club and you fully believe that your brother is simply trying to mess with your malfunctioning, cranky mindset. 

“I fucking beg to differ, he always stares at you like you’re the love of his life, even when you stupidly poked yourself with a needle,” Minho announces as if he’s a love expert, tsk, amateur. “He might just confess during the trip, who knows? Campfire flickering. Sharing the same s’mores. Surrounded by nature. That sounds romantically ideal to me for a confession.”

He’s visioning everything like a terrible cliché film where two high schoolers stubbornly deny their feelings for each other until they start noticing how cute the other person is while magically being forced to be alone together. The worst kind of high school movie—which is also almost every high school movie. And you best believe that you’d a hundred percent kick your brother’s ass off that director’s chair because people live and breathe for this kind of overused entertainment. Tragic. 

“Alright, fuck this, I’m out-“

“Wait!” Minho exclaims out of nowhere, almost blowing up your eardrums. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

You swear you’re rolling your eyes so hard, they’re about to fall out of their respective sockets. “Well, obviously,” you put the piece of paper down with a sigh, contemplating ways to minimize the amount of socializing in the upcoming three days. “Haven’t you bothered me enough? No?”

“You can’t leave me like this,” he whines in an annoyingly high-pitched voice that sends chills down your spine. 

“You need me, we’re connected.” 

He sounds like a whack version of Minnie Mouse for a second there, the kind of plushie that looks cute but with disturbingly creepy voice audio; no parents would let their children go near that aisle. 

You yawn as if there’s no tomorrow, stretching your limbs tiredly. “What I need is for you to shut the fuck up and leave me alone so I can go on my merry way to pick up snacks for this stupid field trip,” you utter lifelessly. 

“You hurt my feelings,” Minho pretends to clutch onto his chest and lets out a dramatic gasp, his voice doused in pure sarcasm. “What a heartbreaker, Y/N.” Said the one who always keeps his apathetic front up like a fortress’ wall and tosses every single love letter on Valentine’s Day into the recycling bin, handing the chocolate out to his classmates like he’s giving leftover vegetables to his least favorite relatives.

“Oh, I can tell,” you reply with fake enthusiasm and mock empathy. “You know how I can tell?”

“Do not finish th-”

“Cause we’re connected.” With that you hang up, slamming your phone harshly onto the surface of your textbook. 

three. 

You might love your room a little too much, it’s getting somewhat unhealthy.

It was furnished with a rather meager budget after your family moved out of your hometown when you stepped into elementary school. Things stay the same, well, most of it as time passes by you unknowingly. Your sad bookcase used to exist for one sole purpose—carrying countless books and plushies has now been upgraded with too many polaroids of your dumb group of friends, a neatly framed photo of Class of 2020 and two trophies that don’t even belong to you since Minho ran out of space as he kept participating in random dance competitions. 

The morning beams find their way through your white curtains and stain your walls with patches of yellow, eventually bugging your vision until you successfully convince yourself to either 1) wake up and get ready for school or 2) lazily stride across your room to shut the blinds completely so you can head back to bed. It’s summer… so option one is temporarily non-existent for a solid three months. 

Hey, you’re just simply making up for those all-nighters with a new cup of coffee every two hours.

Speaking of your bed, it’s soft but takes up so much space to the point that Hyunjin keeps complaining about not having enough room for his legs when he’s sprawled across the floor with Jisung, vigorously focusing on a presentation’s outline. Seungmin calls you lame for not throwing away your childhood plushies and letting them hog at least one-third of your bed, but Felix doesn’t mind since he always needs something to hug. All the more reasons why you can only trust Felix.

You might miss having those idiots being loud and invading your personal space...maybe.

Your phone rings for the second time that morning when you’re walking downstairs, shoving your keys into your pocket and grabbing a protein bar on the counter. “I’m not in the mood for your bullshit right now, Minho,” you bark into the device, chewing on your breakfast aggressively, not bothering to look at the caller’s ID.

The closest convenience store is only twenty minutes away from your house but there’s a sticky note on the fridge from your mom, reminding you that she needs eggs to bake cupcakes for her company’s twentieth anniversary while your dad is running low on his Red Bulls. Basically, you’re in distress. It’s not like your dad should be inhaling those sugary drinks on a daily basis and your mom can just buy premade goods from the bakery. But there are more options for snacks at the supermarket…

“Y/N, the fuck?” The response of a voice as deep as the Pacific ocean almost makes you choke on air. “Did I wake you up or something?” Felix sounds flabbergasted on the other line, slightly taken aback. You almost feel bad because he’s the only sweetheart in your chaotic squad (besides Chan, obvi) except when he stays up late gaming with Hyunjin, pleading for your notes the next morning with puppy eyes.

“No, Minho did,” you grumble before tossing the wrapping into a bin.

“You don’t say,” Felix replies flatly, but his voice soon grows merry again after pushing the topic of your brother aside. “Oh, and I’m coming over to return your earphones, wanna grab breakfast?”

He practically lives ten minutes away from you, sees you almost every day even if it’s the weekend since he can’t stay in the same house with his sisters for too long and puts you on FaceTime every night to prevent himself from slacking off on assignments. The only time he didn’t get to see you for a week straight was when he visited Australia and accidentally dropped his phone into the ocean. It was a rough week without you nagging him for doing something stupid. Fundamentally, he’s merely making up more excuses to spend time with you after finals.

Chuckling, “Only if you’re treating me, I’m about to go broke from buying snacks for our field trip tomorrow.” you say breezily. 

And you’re only telling him that because he might just pay for your snacks as well since Felix Lee eats freshly grilled steak and mashed potato for breakfast. Baffling, absolutely. Plus, he works at a boba shop every summer either way and he would never hesitate to spend the entirety of his paycheck on any of his close friends. Irrelevant but the point is: you kinda don’t wanna go out alone today.

Or you’re just in the mood to go with Felix. That’s a useless statement since you both see each other at least ten out of twenty-four hours per day. 

“By the way, you know what I just realized?” Felix smacks his palm on his forehead. “This is our last field trip, like ever.”

Walking over to the rack of shoes down the hallway, you let out a large exhale. “That’s unfortunate on your behalf. I, on the other hand, don’t have a problem with that,” you tell him with zero consideration, your brain cells too busy picking out a pair of shoes to process the five basic steps to empathize with another human being. 

“No,” he emphasizes helplessly. “I meant, it’s like our last high school field trip. We’re graduating next year, no time to sleep with the grizzly bears again.”

You can only manage to utter, “Oh.” Shit, college is right around the corners. 

“Jesus fucking Christ what the hell am I supposed to do after high school? Stay here? Go abroad? Wait, aren’t applications for going abroad supposed to be turned in a year beforehand? Why are you only telling me this now!?” 

Felix laughs wholeheartedly through the phone, amused at your sudden outburst. “Y/N, calm down. You’re going to college, not prison,” he brushes it off casually but in a way, college is technically prison. Slaving over a degree while working part-time jobs, chasing time relentlessly like you’re driving in the middle of a foggy night with one headlight out. And you’re forced to open up with more strangers. It’s terrifying, actually terrifying. And you’re not the type to be easily terrified. 

Now come to think about it, you don’t get why you were so pressed about it five seconds ago. It’s a good opportunity not to leech off your parents as much, like dabbling, taking one baby step at a time into adulthood. After that, you’ll graduate again, probably settle somewhere with an adequate job and find someone, starting to think about having ki-

Hold up, you’re going too far. You’re barely a senior. 

“I guess we’ll just have to make the most out of this summer,” Felix’s voice snaps you back to the surface of Earth faster than a tick of a clock. “We’re outside, by the way. Open up.”

That fast? Furrowing your brows, you hang up to slip into a pair of sneakers before sprinting to the front door. Wait, your hand freezes as it grazes the doorknob. We?

Not again. 

“Why the fuck..” you cracks a lifelessly crooked smile after pushing the door wide open. “..are you here?” It’s only ten in the morning, and you don’t think you should be screaming at the top of your lungs to be jumped on by the whole neighborhood.

Felix takes a step back, a little scared for his life. “Uhh, to return your earphones?”

“No, no,” you run a hand through your hair tiredly. Just when you thought this day was gonna be peaceful. “I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about them. Since when was this an agreement? How dare-“

“Why yes, I missed you too!” Jisung exclaims like the little shit he is, throwing an arm over your neck to ruffle your hair. No one ruffles your hair without getting their ass slammed- except for Minho. “Why the long face? Let me guess, until this exact second, you thought there’s a fucking squirrel, a lama, a dog, and a kitten standing at your front porch? No, it’s us, your Forever BFFs.” He’s one of the reasons why you refuse to understand the humans’ language sometimes.

With a harsh shove from you, Jisung staggers backward only for Hyunjin to prevent him from rolling like a ball in the middle of your neighborhood. “One more word and I’m telling the whole class who your crush is,” you threaten, earning an involuntary snort from Seungmin. 

“I hate to admit this, but she might actually say yes if he makes the first move.”

Hyunjin supplies unconstructively, “That’s why he didn’t ask.”

“You know what, Hwang,” Felix says with a smirk tugging at his lips, bumping his fist against Hyunjin’s without turning his head. 

“Oh screw all of you.” Jisung’s getting all the attention he wanted this early in the morning yet he still feels like a loser. Perhaps he should try shutting up once in a while. 

four.

“Thanks for giving me a ride, uncle, you really didn’t have to,” Felix says generously from your dad’s back seats, scratching the nape of his neck as though this is the first time he’s ever shared a ride with you. 

He’s too humble sometimes you just want to smack him across the face with a pillow to stop being so formal with your dad. Heck, Felix downright called him ‘dad’ by accident once during a Christmas dinner back in middle school and your dad even encouraged him to keep addressing him like that. 

Not to mention, Felix is chomping on a turkey sandwich that your mom made this morning specifically for him after finding out that his parents are currently out of town and there's nothing but ramen in the cabinet. God forbids her to starve the same kid who helped your dad fix his bumper. So really, he should be expecting these things by now. 

“Oh it’s not a big deal, you’re too nice,” your dad laughs as he pulls over to your school’s front gate, careful not to run into that one really tall, ugly tree. You’re lowkey paranoid that people might die if it collapses during a storm or something. “Perhaps you can return the favor by getting a drink with me sometimes.”

Felix blinks numerous times, slightly gobsmacked. “...but I’m not old enough to drink yet.”

“Correct answer.” And you snicker when your dad turns around to toss a wink at your friend’s direction. “Doesn’t mean that I’m forbidding you kids have fun,” he clarifies upon the baffled expression on Felix’s face. “But not too much fun, got it?”

“Okay, okay dad, I’ll see you in three days,” you shake your head before climbing out of the car. “Don’t starve the cats while I’m gone. Oh! And Soonie still needs his lactobacillus-“

Your dad brushes it off with a sheepish smile, “I’ll leave it to your mom, muffin, I can’t even remember which dry food is for which cat. I also don’t think they’ll be starving anytime soon, those little demons are getting quite fat actually since your brother spoils them all the time.” You can only give him a mere eye-roll because as much as he claims to hate having pets, there have been countless times when you caught your dad red-handed trying to tuck the cats into bed in the middle of the night. 

Felix soon catches up with your steps after bidding him farewell, crumpling the sandwich wrapper in his palm. “Wait up, muffin,” he says breathlessly with a few skips, starting to think about not skipping dance practice again this summer before his body gets out of shape. 

“Shut up,” you grumble, followed by a harsh elbow jabbed into his side. Felix grunts in pain, slowing down a little but still tries to walk side by side with you nonetheless. “You don’t deserve that complimentary breakfast, I’m telling mom to cut your portion off next time.” 

“Ah! Come on, muffin! You’re being mean.”

Your biggest fear has inevitably come true—after all those years of erratic mood swings and other weird things puberty puts you through, Felix still makes fun of you for the nickname that your parents came up with on your first day of school. It doesn’t help with the fact that he meets them quite often too. Like four out of seven days a week since your parents love coming over to each other’s house for dinner. 

“Flip that scowl upside down now, will you?” Felix cups your cheeks and squishes them together, attempting to make your smile by tugging at the corners of your lips. “Aren’t you excited about the trip?”

You scoff at him, “Are you even hearing yourself? My entire existence reeks off ‘excitement’ 24/7.” 

“That’s bullshit.”

“I’m not responsible for whatever happens next to your face.”

But when you reach up to peel his hands away, you’re bound to make a grave mistake by looking straight into his eyes. The morning light hits his face at the right angle and it makes him look like a puppy—which you wouldn't mind starting at all day. Although it’s not like you haven’t got a good look at him before, something’s different today. From the way his irises twinkle gently like thousands of celestial bodies to how his freckles scattered across his cheekbones like the remaining bits from a supernova, his full lips with a prominent Cupid’s bow and his cute crooked teeth. 

You know all of these things; perhaps you’ve never put too much thought into them before. Not when you’re constantly facepalming at him for doing stupid TikTok dances and trying to eat a banana with its peel on. But now when you actually acknowledge them, your heart momentarily skips a beat. Or two. 

Doesn’t matter, you hate this feeling either way. 

“Get a room, this is disgusting to watch.” 

Seungmin steps in between you two with his backpack slung over his shoulders, hands resting on his hip like he’s babysitting you and your biological parents don’t pay him enough for this tedious job. But Felix is too busy making sure that his eyes aren’t malfunctioning when he sees a pink tint on your cheeks to focus on whatever nonsense Seungmin is spewing at him. 

“Get on the bus, losers! Y’all are embarrassing me!” Hyunjin yells as he plants a foot onto the bus, trying his best not to be subtle about the fact that all of your classmates have already been seated. 

You can practically see Jisung making weird faces from the window and next to him is a very cranky-looking Jeongin with his earbuds plugged in, deciding not to tolerate any chit-chatting this morning. It’s a shame how the school’s always on a low budget when it comes to transportation; consequently, some random freshmen got squeezed in with your class. 

So you elect to ignore your friend’s questionable behaviors (sometimes you wonder what he’s on to be this zealous at six in the morning) and grabs Felix's hand to climb onto the vehicle before coach Kim kicks your ass for slowing the schedule down. 

As you shuffle down the narrow aisle, you quickly realize there are only two seats left at the very back—basically, you feel a little guilty for not getting a good spot for Felix but he doesn’t seem to mind because he taps you on the shoulder lightly, signaling for you to move.

“Ugh, I wanna go home,” you sigh, slumping into your seat after tucking your backpack neatly on the small compartment above. 

“You’re boring,” Felix comments flatly but he’s partially glad that he got to sit with you instead of some blabberer. “Need this?” Fishing his earphones out of his backpack, he wiggles the banana milk case in front of your face. 

You only nod lazily at the offer, causing him to huff in disbelief before slipping in a side of his AirPods into your ear. You both have pretty similar taste in music so you don’t mind when he puts one of his playlists on random and Fly Me to the Moon bleeds into your eardrums. The soft melody makes you yawn a little, eyelids getting droopy. 

“Tired.” Is the only warning Felix gets before you decide to drop your head onto his shoulders, slipping your arm around his torso comfortably like it’s a pillow. You personally don’t do cuddles but since he’s into those things and smells nice—very fruity, somewhat musky too, you might as well take advantage of that with the hope of sleeping throughout the entire ride. 

“What is wrong with you today?” he asks with glowing cheeks. 

“Shh shh, I’m recharging my battery.”

Felix is a little flustered, to say the least. But instead of complaining about your sudden clinginess, he rests his head on top of yours like second nature, allowing his childhood song to drown out some of the background chatters. 

You should really be clingy more often… though he’s not gonna risk his pearly white teeth by telling you that. 

five. 

Your school actually knows how to manage money in a smart way. Shocker, you know. 

You are thrown off upon hearing that no one needs to worry about the grizzly bears, or wolves (hey, one can never be too careful) because everyone gets to share a log cabin with a maximum of three other people. 

In fact, the camp counselors have confirmed that even though they’re throwing a bunch of inexperienced, dumb high schoolers smacked in the middle of the wilderness, there’s really nothing to do other than boring team-building exercises...and fishing. In other words, the only creature that can somewhat do harm to you is mosquitoes. 

It’s been pouring nonstop when your classmates tried to set up the campfire with coach Kim screaming into their eardrums last night, no wonder those little shit are thriving to make your life more miserable—they’re in their element, reproducing at a terrifying pace. 

“Jesus Christ, Y/N!” 

Hyunjin clutches a hand to his chest in both relief and terror after realizing the curled up figure sitting by the window is just you. He steps inside the cabin completely and flings his wet bangs away from his face, shoving the umbrella in his hand into a stand by the shoe rack. “You look like shit, are you okay?” he furrows his brows, slightly concerned about your eyebags and the way your lips crack from dehydration.

A soulless smile finds its way to your face. “I’m pretty sure ‘shit’ and ‘okay’ aren’t supposed to be in the same sentence but thank you for asking, I appreciate it.”

Here’s another downside to being a homebody: you can’t fucking sleep on any other beds that aren’t yours. And surprisingly that two-hour nap on the bus wasn’t enough to fuel you for the rest of the trip. But lucky you, it’s most likely going to keep raining cats and dogs and trash pandas for the rest of the day. Outdoor activities are no longer mandatory and you can almost hear your non-existent muscles crying in sheer joy. 

“Drink,” Hyunjin sighs at your pathetic state and decides to toss a water bottle in your direction. 

However, all you do is retrieve your limbs deeper into Felix’s fluffy blanket since he refused to use the grey one that’s draped over every bed beforehand. You’re far beyond grateful for that because those fading, questionable-looking stains just scare the crap out of you. And also because the fluffy blanket smells like him; you rest your case.

“You were knocked out for the entire bus ride, so why the hell can’t you fall asleep on a decent bed?” Shaking his head, Hyunjin plops himself onto Jisung’s bed like a potato, accidentally knocking over the neatly folded pile of clothes. He really doesn’t give two flying fucks about the fact that his friend spent an excessive ten minutes to organize his stuff so coach Kim won’t be barging into their cabin with a megaphone at five in the morning again. 

“She can only fall asleep on Felix, that’s why.” You roll your eyes in the bitchiest way possible, not bothering to chuck the abandoned water bottle at the unwanted guest of this terrific conversation. 

Hyunjin almost lets out a shriek when Seungmin jolts up from his bed, hair messy, a leg sticking out from his comforter. “You know, until this exact moment, I thought that you were dead or something.”

“What I’m trying to say is,” Seungmin elaborates as he bends over to reach for his glasses with squinted eyes. “There’s a 99,9% that Felix will make the first move but at the same time, it doesn’t mean the other 0,01% won’t happen so you,” he jabs his index finger towards you. “Better be doing something other than walking around camp like a zombie.”

Hyunjin tilts his head in confusion. “Since when was this even a thing?” You’re this close to have a permanent hand imprint on your forehead for facepalming every two seconds with your idiotic friends around. 

“Uhh, since forever?” Seungmin feels the need to voice out. “Listen, since the day Y/N spilled orange juice on Felix’s favorite shirt, the amount of times they’re forced to be together has risen tremendously. And when their parents found out their families live like ten minutes away from each other, they practically see each other every single day. Even outside of school. They tolerate each other, meaning the dynamic is long-lasting. Their bonding encouraged friendship.” 

“But we’re her friends too?”

A deep breath. “No, their friendship was incited to grow into something bigger, more profound because Felix has a special ‘click’ with Y/N that he doesn’t with us. God, Hyunjin, it’s been what, almost a decade! How could you not see it?” Seungmin says with expressive hands, almost yanking every strand of hair off of his head. It’s too early for this, his brain is about to implode. Hwang Hyunjin being dense just feels like a metaphoric chokehold to him. 

“Y/N,” Hyunjin simply ignores his frustrated friend to look over at you slipping into your sneakers. “You’re being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal.”

“That’s because she’s about to either shut the door in my face then find Felix or kick my ass and then find Felix,” Seungmin informs with a yawn, and this prompts you to muster a fake smile. 

Oh, I’m fucking livid. 

“You know me too well.”

He questions with heavy irony, “I’m sorry did you just agree with me?”

“Oh no, no, I take that back,” you brush him off. “Is Felix still outside fishing?”

“I think so?” Hyunjin replies while running a hand through his hair in mere distress; Felix’s competitiveness goes a little mayhem sometimes when it comes to Jisung being better than him at something since they’re so close. That’s one of the sole reasons why Felix always manages to maintain his flying GPA because Han Jisung procrastinates like no other but still tops his class every single semester. 

“I didn’t find him at the lake, though, wonder where he went.”

You widen your eyes, somewhat alarmed since it’s almost lunchtime, and Felix Lee never, and you mean never, ever let himself skip a meal. He always gets a nice nap after stuffing his face with enough good food too, so that’s a bonus. But that’s not the point, the point is: you’re starting to get a little worried because he’s been fishing all morning, wandering alone in the wilderness without a camp counselor. 

You’d better not find him sleeping with the fishes. 

six.

Maybe you were right, maybe Felix is a dumbass.

Because listening to his ego and coming back to the lake after breakfast was a horrendous idea. 

It’s such a pity how those weird-looking vehicles have stopped driving around camp the moment it started pouring outside. Heck, he didn’t even bring an umbrella after asking the coach to check today's forecast. 

So tragically, he’s now stuck underneath the canopy of a cafe ensuing coursing his way through the water blizzard and seeking refuge but can’t walk back to his cabin where his cabin-mates are probably having the time of their life drinking hot chocolate and nibbling on hand-picked fruits.

Felix exhales in torment while gazing outside, everything’s completely white-out thanks to droplets of raining streaking the horizon. Perhaps dashing back might be his one solitary option, but shivers soon run up his spine again, reminding him that he’s probably looking like a wet rat—his black Converse sodden, water seeping through the thin fabric of his uniform, numbing his skin. 

Ruffling his wet fringe, Felix’s hand fishes inside his pocket to look for his phone only to realize that it’s not there. “Shit...great..just great, today is my lucky day.” Even if the camp counselors didn’t confiscate all the electronic devices, there wouldn’t be any service in the middle of the woods either. Splendid. 

“Ugh, Y/N,” he groans under his breath. “Why did you let me do this?”

“Shit.”

 “AHH!”

Felix shrieks upon the tiny voice squeaking out from behind him. And he sighs in pure relief to see a little girl standing mere inches away, looking no more than a seven-year-old dressed in a yellow raincoat. “Hey kid,” he chuckles and crouches down to her eye level. “Where are your parents? You’re not supposed to be out here alone when it’s pouring like crazy.” 

And to his dismay, “Shit,” the little girl giggles, finding a new profound interest in the curse word that he accidentally spewed out seconds ago. 

“Shh shh,” Felix frantically places an index finger on his lips while darting his eyes around in terror—he might be sued if her parents found out how their daughter picked up a bad word from some random high schooler. Suddenly he feels bad for his future kids. “No, no, we can’t say that. It’s forbidden. What’s your name?”

“Mina,” she answers cutely and fiddles with the ends of her braids. “Who’s Y/N? Is she your girlfriend?”

Felix chokes on his own saliva. “...no, why would you say that?”

“I don’t know, my dad always calls my mom’s name when he messes things up.”

“What does that have to do with- oh, shit,” he facepalms himself. This kid is going to give him a cardiac arrest any second now. “It doesn’t matter if she’s my girlfriend or not, what matters is I need to get you back to your parents. Do you know where they are right now?”

Mina simply shakes her head with a pout. “Okay, let’s go find them then,” he can’t help but cracks a smile, ruffling her hair endearingly. Most kids would be bawling their eyes out by now knowing that they’ve strayed from their parents; she’s a tough one. 

Felix gently grabs Mina’s hand, biting down on his lower lip as he prays that a cold doesn’t catch up to him tomorrow and ready to dash out of the canopy that’s been keeping him dry for the last hour or two. But then a figure comes into view from afar, holding an umbrella while squinting their eyes through the thick streaks of rain. 

“Y/N..?” he mutters to himself in disbelief when you quickly skip underneath the canopy, collapsing the red umbrella in your hands. Felix recognizes that umbrella anywhere—isn’t that Hyunjin’s? Have you been looking for him? And for how long too?

“Didn’t even think about bringing an umbrella, smartass,” you say with a raised eyebrow. “Oh dear, who do we have here?” Before Felix can defend himself in vain with lame excuses, you’ve already taken your attention off him to stare at the unfamiliar presence. Your intense gaze scares Mina a little, causing the little girl to squeeze Felix’s hand, hiding behind his leg. 

Your friend laughs, patting her little head in reassurance. “Mina, this is Y/N, my classmate. Don’t let her intimidate you.”

“Are you really going to bother with this little one?” you scrunch your nose a bit. “We’re having pork rib soup, by the way, better hurry if you don’t want Han to hog your portion all to himself.”

Felix rolls his eyes at how utterly apathetic you are towards children. If you can get a perfect A in calc then why is it so hard to simply comprehend that every twelve-year-old needs to be returned to their hypothetical parents safely? “What part of ‘a common sense of morality’ can’t you understand?” 

“I don’t want to, actually, sounds like a lot of work,” you hum sarcastically. 

“Your girlfriend is scary,” Mina ensconces herself further behind your friend, officially detecting you as a threat rather than someone who will potentially bring her back to the cabin where her parents are probably flipping the whole place upside down in a panic—which is exactly what you’re planning to do. 

In your defense, you don’t detest kids in general. Only the bratty ones. And Mina is borderline bratty. 

“You know, I can spare her some time, Lost and Found is like..ten minutes away from here.”

“Y/N-” Felix wants to scream at you, rubbing the side of his temple in distress. Imagining you babysitting your neighbor’s newborn last summer with nine bucks per hour, ten hours per day, and five out of seven days per week is one of the few things that constantly keeps him from having a good night's sleep. It baffles him how you haven’t accidentally drowned the infant while giving her a bath. 

Mina gives the side of his jeans a tug, round eyes staring up at him expectantly. “Or we can get juice pops!” she exclaims happily and looks over to you, mustering her best puppy eyes. “Please? I don’t want to be alone..” 

“Twenty seconds ago, you called me scary and now you’re guilt-tripping me?” you crouch down to get a good look at the kid. Bright, innocent brown eyes, cute button nose, and a chipped front tooth—perhaps she’s a little too cute to not get her juice pops. 

Then, “And juice pops too? You evil mad mind genius,” you say after standing up to unfold Hyunjin’s umbrella, swinging it over the top of your head. “That’s extortion, kid, you’re too young for that.”

Felix breaks into a fit of giggles upon seeing you failing at trying to keep a straight face and steps in beside you under the umbrella. His next problem just pops up right then and there—Mina can’t squeeze in considering the umbrella that Hyunjin gave you is solely used for one person. 

“Mina, hop on here,” he decides to get on his knees, permitting the little girl to clumsily climb on his back and eventually plopping herself onto his shoulders. 

“Oh, oh, oh, can you two hold hands?” Mina suggests with a shit-eating grin on her face. This causes Felix’s cheeks to burn with a bright shade of red while you’re too busy throwing daggers at her with your eyes to notice. “My family does this all the time, my dad would carry me on his shoulders and my mom would hold his hand as we walk home after going to the park.”

You and Felix yell simultaneously, “We’re not your parents!!” But that doesn’t seem to scare the little girl. You’re both just encouraging her. 

“Yip yip, horsey, don’t be disobedient now,” she giggles to herself and pulls at a solid patch of Felix’s hair, making you cringe because his hair and scalp have already had enough from his questionable obsession with bright hair colors. 

“Ow! Mina! Stop it! Ow!”

“Okay quit torturing my friend,” you tell her and decide to slip your hand in with Felix’s, intertwining your fingers to secure the grip before showing it to Mina so that she’ll stop before any blood is drawn. “There, we’re holding hands just like your mommy and daddy, you happy?” 

Felix doesn’t say anything even when Mina nods happily, releasing her monstrous grip off his poor scalp. He only lets you tug him away from the canopy of the cafe as he gazes downward, eyes glued to how your hand fits into his perfectly. The sound of rain tapping against the umbrella suddenly bugs him, suffocating him in a way. In other words, it’s really unnatural to think this way about his best friend but he doesn't want you to let go at all. 

Everything seems to move faster when you’re holding onto his hand so certainly. Felix thinks you’re fully aware but try to fight off the voices that are taunting you to just drop it. And truth is, you can care less because your head is now far too fuzzy to focus on anything but the road ahead. 

You pray he doesn’t feel the pounding rhythm from your veins. If your red ears haven’t given it away already. 

seven.

Jisung has weird friends, that’s a fact. And no, you’re not talking about the gang that saved his ass every time he got into trouble aka you plus JeongMinLixJin. You’re talking about those kids from Class 2C that are mutual friends with Changbin.

Because the moment Jisung barges into the cabin and starts babbling nonsense that you can’t comprehend (not that you can comprehend any of his shit on the daily), you know that he just came back from a get together with those sketchy dudes who managed to sneak some booze inside a shampoo bottle.

“Uhm okay, who gave Felix alcohol?” he squints his eyes hard. 

You are more than aware that Jisung is mildly smashed by the way that his cheeks are tinted with a light shade of coral, hiccupping every ten seconds and slightly more clumsy with his feet. He almost tripped over the rug at the front door if it weren’t for Hyunjin who caught him in time so that he wouldn’t break one of his precious teeth. Those painful years of constantly slurping on watery porridge after every dentist appointment to tighten his braces shouldn’t be going down the drain. 

Speaking of bland rice water, that’s all Felix has been fed with after returning to camp because he has no choice. The sickness finally caught up to him as a result of staying outside for too long while still dressed in his rain-soaked uniform. Even under the cotton comforter, he’s radiating heat on the outside but stoically shivering on the inside, his energy level is as diminished as his appetite. 

The nurse said there’s really nothing that can be done but give him some pills and let him ride it out so now Felix’s all curled up in a corner of his bed, cheeks burning flush of fever, coughing and sneezing occasionally. He refuses to be moved to a completely separate cabin because sleeping alone in a confined place knowing that the grizzly bears might be roaming outside your door is quite frightening for a junior in high school. 

“God, what makes you think I’m the batshit drunk one here?” Felix croaks, his voice more hoarse and gruff than usual because every word pains him, his vocal cords pulse in agony at each syllable. And that sentence was probably the longest thing you’ve heard from him since dinner. 

Jisung lets Hyunjin toss him onto his bed, face down, and props himself up on his forearms. “Uhh, have you checked yourself the mirror?” he hiccups, words a bit slurred, palms outstretched in a grabby motion. “Seungmin, water- ow! What the fuck was that!?” 

He rubs the side of his head while babbling incoherently like a fucking five-year-old because Seungmin decided to chuck a water bottle at him. Those years of playing baseball during retreats indeed paid off. 

“I went for the head,” Seungmin looks up from his book calmly, acting innocent. 

Jisung whines and turns to his side, watching as the water bottle rolls back towards him after coming in contact with the wall. “God, I miss Minho. You guys suck,” he takes it before sitting right up but flops himself back down when a pang of pain claws at his temple. Who even allowed him to drink?

“Didn’t he make your high school experience miserable?” Hyunjin laughs, sitting down on the corner of his bed, legs curled into his chest. 

“Hello? That was me,” Seungmin clarifies, he sounds a little offended. “He called me a nerd for studying late at the library for our finals! Our fucking finals! Do you know how insecure my freshman self was? I was so hurt!” 

You cross your arms and mumble, “He’s the same guy who treated you ice-cream after finding out you got a B in physics.”

Hyunjin hums, butting into the topic, “And he made me do fifty push-ups because I unintentionally skipped a day at practice. Our Dance Club really didn’t need a president who effortlessly snatches the Asshole of the Year Award like he’s stealing candies from a kid.”

“Please, you’re practically buddies now,” you scoff. “You always play Mario Kart and rewatch the Avatar series with him, even during midterms!”

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Jisung suddenly gets on his feet, jumping up and down like a maniac. You’re highly concerned for the bed by the creaking sound that it’s making—sounds just like something straight out of a horror film. “He almost threw a knife at me!”

You’re running out of excuses to defend your stupid brother at this rate. What’s the point in trying anyway? “Han, it was a plastic knife, chill.”

Jisung crawls off his bed to approach you, pinching his thumb and index finger together before shoving them to your face. “I was this close to dying! You try having someone threaten to throw a knife at you during lunch break,” he complains like it’s the end of the world. Truth is, you’ve seen (and experienced) worse things. 

“Minho’s still my brother.”

Staring at you, Jisung looks unimpressed. “He wanted to kill me because I commented on his puffy cheeks that day.”

“He’s adopted.”

The conversation is pulled to a halt right there when Felix does a full-body groan, his head spinning and sweats starting to collect at his hairline. With his mind buzzed like he’s floating, the bickering only adds to the pressure that’s squeezing each of his functioning brain cells. In other words, it feels as though Han Jisung is a fucking hamster going on a marathon across his body, nibbling on his limbs and ears as he’s going through a hangover, his immune system going on a rampage. 

Felix doesn’t even drink. 

“That’s my call for a bedtime story.” You glare at Jisung when he clears his throat while you’re attempting to tuck Felix into bed, pressing your palm against his forehead to check his temperature. It’s not climbing anymore, he should be okay after sweating everything out. 

Hyunjin pulls his friend back onto his bed, locking his limbs in tight before he waddles around and potentially breaks one of those decorative pieces on the bookshelf. “Not to burst your ego, but I don’t think you’re sober enough to give us a good story,” he says unapologetically. 

“Puh-lease,” Jisung lets out the weirdest chuckle at that, wagging his forearm like those Japanese ceramic cat figures that are supposed to bring people good fortune; and Han Jisung is notorious for bringing people anything but good fortune. “They didn’t even have vodka, only Strongbow. That shit is too weak for me.”

You snort involuntarily, “Actually, I think you meant you’re too weak for those bottles of cider.”

“Wow, Y/N, what a snake.”

eight.

The bonfire crackles, flaring up to life when coach Kim tosses a lit matchstick into the pyramid pile of branches and woods. The flame projects long shadows of the trees all round along, swirling and curling in obscure shapes with the high schoolers that each hugs their own cup of hot cocoa, chomping on their marshmallows of choice. 

Glowing embers beneath are colored by the inferno that seems to be moving with the rhythm and melody of the song that they’re all singing along, drumming their feet and bobbing their heads simultaneously. 

“Are you guys sure you don’t want to join them?” Felix says apologetically after sneezing into a piece of tissue, his nose all red and swollen. “I can just… I don’t know, read a book or something.”

When he refers to those oddly colorful and rather bulky-looking books on the shelves, Seungmin immediately stops putting a cookie inside his mouth midway. “Those are called ‘aesthetically useless interior decoration’, Lix. Good luck trying to open those plastic blocks,” he expresses with his hands after stuffing the cookie into his mouth, chewing rather aggressively. 

Felix feels quite bad because, for all he knows, Hyunjin and Seungmin have been planning on going kayaking today and trying out volleyball tomorrow. You’re all going home in two days yet they’ve done nothing but pigging out in pure distress. “Still, it’s a summer camp, you all should be out there having fun, not stuck inside to look after me while tolerating...that,” he quietly looks over at Jisung who just exited the bathroom after splashing his face with some water. 

At least he doesn’t look crazy and homeless now. 

“How are they doing that again?” you join Hyunjin as he rests his head lazily on his forearms, staring outside from the cabin’s window like Rapunzel in an alternative universe where Flynn Rider managed to escape the tower with the crown, leaving her behind longing for civil human interactions in vain. 

“They sing..” he drawls. “And turn their heads to look at each other in the eye.”

You wave it off absentmindedly, falling on your back so now your head is hung upside down from the bed, your arms dangling midair. “Well, that sounds exhausting,” you mumble, ignoring the way that Seungmin is internally judging you. 

Hyunjin sighs, “Never one for sentiment, are you?”

“Easier to let it burn,” you answer flatly, sitting upright when blood starts rushing to your head. 

“Don’t feel bad,” Seungmin immediately forces a smile at Felix. “We’re not really into sitting with a bunch of idiots just to enjoy a mildly decent hot cocoa either way.”

Suddenly the lights go out, and Felix immediately curls himself further into the blanket, a little thrown off. Jisung’s face comes into view out of nowhere when he makes a grab for the oil lamp that no one seems to take notice of, lighting it up with a single match. “C’mon, kids, no bonfire is complete without a good ghost story,” he crosses his legs on the floor happily, still somewhat tipsy so his body is bouncing in excitement with occasional hiccups. 

Hyunjin and Seungmin exchange questionable looks before scrambling to the floor, settling themselves a few solid inches in front of the oil lamp with a sigh while you only shrug at Felix, propping your head onto your hands. Laziness is starting to hold you hostage on Hyunjin’s bed at this rate. 

Seungmin spares Jisung a slight glare, “Better not bullshit us with the same one that you heard at school-”

“No,” Jisung’s lips morph into something similar to a smirk, he looks concerningly confident for someone who’s utterly terrified after watching IT. And now he’s attempting to give his bros who are equally jumpy about everything and anything, you’re excited to see how this goes. “I heard this one from a camp counselor, true story.” You definitely don’t like the sound of that.

At first, the ghost was no more than a chill in the air, a shimmer of mist to the common eyes. Through the heavy rain and fog that seeps through people’s skin, chilling the core of their bones, it slowly came into focus. It wasn’t until the camper found refuge under a canopy of an abandoned café that it congealed into a form—a small child with brilliant round eyes, dressed in white clothing. 

For a moment, all was silent and still. It was as though the camper got hypnotized, feet planted to the ground. Then, he could hear a small lullaby in a cheerful voice. 

“Oranges and Lemons say the bells of St.Clements…” They know how that one ended. 

Suddenly someone blows out the candle, but Jisung’s voice still rings in your eardrums. “When the camper took a step back, the ghost spoke again, this time with the voice almost of a smoker and grin…” You can feel Hyunjin hop back to bed with you in a tick of a clock, holding onto you for dear life with the infrequent whimpers of fear. 

Jisung proceeds to continue, “The grin soon became a snarl, baring teeth like a wolf when it finished the lullaby…”

A muffled silence descends. And, “Have you come to play…?”

“AHHH!!” Felix lets out a petrified shriek, but what confuses you is the sound of Jisung grunting rather in pain. Seungmin sighs in disapproval, flickering the lights on while leaning back against the wall. 

And now before your eyes is a slightly traumatized, feverish Felix with clattering teeth, quivering inside his blanket. Whereas, Jisung is sprawled across the floor, hugging his poor stomach, hacking up lungs. Deserve.

“This is why you don’t give people who can high-kick jump scares, dumbass,” Seungmin comments and crouches down in front of Jisung like his knight in shiny armors, letting a bottle of ointment dangle between his fingers. “Put this on, bet it’s already bruising.”

Hyunjin releases his arms around you and walks towards the freckled boy who looks like he’s about to slip into a coma. “Lix, are you okay?” he knits his brows together, starting to feel somewhat concerned. 

Felix only waves it off with a raspy laugh, standing on wobbly legs with his blanket still wrapped around his figure. “I’m fine, I’ll just go wash my face.” Truth is, he’s anything but fine. And it doesn’t help when he accidentally has a glance of his own reflection in the body-length mirror from across the cabin—his hair is sticking to his forehead, his face is slightly more puffy than usual, and his eyebags look like he hasn’t slept in decades—he looks worse than a trash can, basically. 

“Hyunjin,” you raise a brow at your friend’s current state.

“What?”

“Catch him.”

“Huh-” Hyunjin snaps his head back when a loud thud is heard, eyes growing twice as big in sheer panic upon the sight of Felix laying on his stomach, mere inches away from his feet. “Felix!!” Your friends rush to his side while you’re too busy checking the thermometer by his nightstand. The temperature doesn’t seem to be too alarming, he should be fine after sleeping and sweating it out. But really, Felix looks more like he’s having the nap of a lifetime rather than passing out from the worst fever of the century. That doesn’t stop everyone from freaking out, unfortunately. 

Also, everyone can agree that this is the first and last storytime to ever happen.

nine.

Felix sits on the beach, eyes moving from sand to stone, from rock pools to breaking waves. He lets out a sigh, an exhale of relief when a breeze passes by him, tousling his hair as he buries his feet deeper into the primrose-colored grains. The briny aroma that exists in every fiber of air makes him feel at ease, as though unknotting all his angsty-teenager worries with grace. He feels a bit better, partially because his fever has already gone down when he shook you out of your half-asleep state at four in the morning. 

“Why?” you ask without turning your head after sensing his tense posture.

Felix looks confused, a little startled when you break the silence. “Why what?”

“Why the long face?” you unknowingly exhale too, stubbornly gazing forward. “Thinking about something?” For some reason, you’re too...scared to even spare him a small glance. This isn’t you, did his fever rub off on you or something?

To your dismay, his sudden inquiry catches you off guard. “High school is going to be over in a year, have you thought about what to do?” 

You open your mouth to protest with something along the line of he’s overthinking again and there’s still an entire year ahead to make new memories but when you’re about to utter the first word, your mouth automatically snaps itself close. It’s like you have an entire masterpiece planned out in your mind but when someone tosses you a blank canvas, you’re standing there in defeat like the biggest idiot. Felix is serious this time, you know it’s not because he’s lightheaded after riding out the fever. 

“Honestly?” you breathe out. “No, I haven’t. God, I don’t even want to think about it, the future scares me a little.”

Upon the mossed rock and vibrant horizon, comes the sun rays that are promised by the starlit sky. It makes you both a little breathless, not exchanging a single word nor moving a muscle for a while. 

Until, “Fine, it scares me a whole lot,” you confess, gaze cast downward as you hug your legs closer to your chest. “It sucks because everyone seems to have their lives together, Jisung is finally taking his interest in music seriously, Hyunjin is planning on being an actual theater kid, and Seungmin is...I don’t know, but he’s definitely onto something. Point is, everyone is already one too many steps ahead of me, I’m just..here, stuck. And I don’t feel like I have-”

“A lot of time left.” Felix finishes your sentence, prompting you to look at him this time. His delicate features shine under the cracking lights of dawn, starry eyes twinkling and lips outstretched into the smile that you absolutely adore. He has such a contagious type of smile that it makes you feel a little less dead inside whenever you see it. But your heartbeat also grows a little more ecstatic. 

A hearty chuckle. “You’re not alone, you know,” he says while not breaking away from the eye contact, this makes your throat grow dry. “I still have so much to do, so much to...say yet too little time. So yeah, don’t think about it too much, I’m never gonna leave you behind no matter what.”

You have to hold back a playful scoff at that; and to think he was the one who brought up this sappy topic. “If anything, you’re the overthinker in this relationship,” you tell him with a nudge on his rib. “But if you’ve already had my back, then you should know that I’ll always have yours too.”

Because what would you do without an overthinker like Felix? Drowning your sorrow by stress-eating in the middle of the night? Bottoming out on questionable drinks to end up like Han Jisung? Winging every single important choice that can potentially flip your life upside down in either a good or bad way? Not in a million years. He knows that you need him as much as he needs you, harsh truth but you still hate it either way.

You both don’t look forward to the future, like at all. 

You’re too apathetic and overall just a big ‘meh’ about it. You’re the type of person that goes with the flow, letting life toss you around like a ragdoll until you finally snap at some point to fight back because you know where the line between giving up and knowing that you’ve had enough is. Meanwhile, Felix is rather anxious about things. If a piece of paper with a pencil can draw out the map of his entire destiny ahead then he’ll have it finished in one night. But he’s grown out of his middle school self to know that things don’t always go as planned.

Guess if things turn out to be shit, you’ll still have him.

“Does that mean if we’re still single in our thirties, you’ll marry me like how our parents always joke about?” Felix cracks a shit-eating grin this time, one that makes your heart swell but for the most part, you wanna whack him unconscious with a pillow. 

You sneer in return, “Sure, but you’ll have to fall for me first.”

There’s a pang in Felix’s chest, it’s so loud and evident that he’s afraid you might hear it. You really didn’t have to slap him in the face with that seemingly harmless statement. “Hmm, who would even fall for a stubborn hermit crab like you?” he jokes to hide the nervousness that’s crawling upon his spine. His ears are probably bright red right now. “Although...that wouldn’t be a problem with me.” Because he’s already fallen for you, a little too hard actually.

“What does that even mean?” you only hum after questioning his statement, nothing makes sense right now since you’re getting a little sleepy because a certain someone wanted to watch the sunrise which simply lasted for about two minutes after two(ish) hours of waiting.

“I don’t know,” Felix laughs before standing up, dusting the sand off of his jeans. “You go figure it out, smartass.” With that, he runs off with his Converses dangling between his fingers, leaving you dumbfounded in the middle of the beach like a total dimwit. Slowly, within those five seconds of making eye contact with your best friend again, his words zero in on you like a wakeup call. 

Urgently grabbing your sneakers, you chase after him. “Hey- wait! GET BACK HERE!” By looks of it, you’ve probably figured it out now. It’s not like he’s trying to be subtle either.

Felix feels like he just gained strength from spewing out that indirect confession, and it gives him a tiny ray of hope that he still has his entire youth before his eyes to tell you how he really feels. Or his whole life if you don’t start resenting him for crossing the line that no one dares talk about when they have a thing for their best friend. 

Either way, as long as Felix sees your presence side by side with him at every ups and downs, he’s home. 

[celestiababie]

Something tells me you don’t really hate me, do you?- Seonghwa (m)

Genre: Smut with plot (kinda), enemies with benefits!au Pairings: Dom!Hwa x sub+! female reader Warnings: Cursing, some choking, unprotected sex.

Word count: 3,642 

A/N: So, this is my first full-fledged smut and even though this is a female reader, I have absolutely no problem with boy x boy, if anyone wants to request that.

 Park Seonghwa...you had many thoughts regarding the 5 foot 10 male, he may have had godly visuals, an amazing body, and one of the best voices you’ve ever heard, but he was a prick. It was a shame that you had to deal with him simply because he was associated with a few of your friends, you could go on in life without seeing that handsome jackass ever again, but at last, you couldn’t, not as long as you two were attending the same university.

The two of you hated each other’s guts, everyone around you claimed that it was sexual tension, and you enjoyed pissing each other off. Seonghwa would dismiss it with his friends, you would as well. People gave up on seeking to convince you both that you were wrong, it was too obvious based off of the looks you gave each other when one would enter the room, and as much as Seonghwa and you hated to admit it...you both craved each other in a near sinful way.

You sighed to yourself at the thought of the male who was only a mere ten feet away from you. Why did he have to be so damn good looking? The dim lighting of the room somehow flattered his gorgeous skin tone, his golden skin made you want to sink your teeth into it while he-

Your thoughts were interrupted by a tap on your shoulder.

"Are you staring at Seonghwa again?" You turned to face a smug-looking Wooyoung staring at you with a cup filled with beer in his hand. You managed to keep your cheeks from turning red as the male called you out on your previous actions.

"As if I would stare at that dumbass. Do you seriously think that low of me?" You scoffed lightly and rolled your eyes.

"Who's a dumbass?" A voice comes up from behind you and the owner of said voice wrapped their long arm around your shoulder. There was no way you could mistake the smoothness and sexiness of his voice, it was Park Seonghwa, the only person who made you want to jump out of a window. You turned to him, glaring at the male with a fire brewing in your eyes. Pushing his arm off of your frame,  you cross your arms, and cursed him out with your eyes. Hwa held his hands up in defense and laughed mockingly at you.

"Damn, calm down there, Y/n. No need to be so uptight."

 Uptight? Did he really just call you uptight? You hadn't even noticed that Wooyoung was already walking away from you two. It was supposed to be a fun small gathering of friends, but the male who stood before you made your mood slowly decline ever

"Can you kindly fuck off?" You responded with a cold tone.

Hwa flashed you a smirk and shook his head at you. He wasn't going anywhere...this was normal between the both of you, he would relentlessly "piss" you off, and you would get that cute annoyed look on your face, and all that frustration would build the tension between the two of you until it was too much to handle.

He leaned in to whisper into your ear, "I don't wanna fuck off...but I can fuck you, maybe that'll loosen you up a bit." His breath fanned against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

You despised how his words always had an effect on you, even if you hated him with a burning passion. He knew your body too well for you to try and hide the reactions he made you have. Maybe if both of you were in private... you would have pulled him into a feverish kiss, but with most of your friends around, there was no way you were going to place your lips anywhere near the male.

"Hey, love birds! Get the fuck over here, we're playing a game." San yelled out from the living room. You tuned back into reality and walked to where the group of friends was sitting.  Seonghwa following behind you, the smirk still evident on his face.

You sat down on the couch next to Yunho and sprawled your legs over his lap. Hwa watched closely as he narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw at the sight before him. He didn't know why he was suddenly pissed off that your legs were on Yunho, but he couldn't escape the feeling that was brewing inside of him.

Of course, it was Wooyoung who had proposed that they all played truth or dare. How stereotypical of him. The rounds went by as a blur to Hwa, he barely paid any attention to what was going on around him, and his eyes never seemed to leave your legs that laid on his friend's lap.

"Hwa? Oh my god, this dumb bitch can't hear me. Hwa!" Yeosang shook the older male's shoulder. Seonghwa turned to him with a blank stare.

"Hm?"

"It's your turn, so truth or dare?" He took a few seconds to think before picking truth. There was no way in hell he was going to choose dare with these maniacs.  Wooyoung was the first to speak up and give Hwa his question.

"Have you and Y/N been fucking?" The other boys all started to yell at him, even though they secretly wanted to ask Hwa the same question. His eyes widened momentarily as well as yours. He looked over at you and saw your discomfort from the question... As much as he loved teasing you, he knew you didn't anyone to know about your sex life.

Seonghwa cleared his throat and answered, "No, we haven't. I bet she's shit in bed anyway." He lied smoothly as he rolled his eyes. The boys were shocked by this answer, they couldn't tell if he were lying or not. You hid your surprised reaction well and scoffed at the male across from you.

"And I bet your dick is 2 inches." You smirked back at him.

The other males childishly "ooohed" at your clap-back and watched you two interact with amused eyes. Seonghwa tilted his head at you, his jaw tightly clenched as he gives you a dark stare. To others, it may seem that Hwa was pissed off, but you knew him well enough to know what that mysterious gaze meant. Whenever Hwa's already dark eyes deepened even more...it indicated that he was fed up with your bratty temper and that you were in for one hell of a night.

Hwa didn't want to continue the game, all he needed was ruin your body for the remainder of the night, reminding you who you were speaking to. He knew he was going to regret this in the future, but he couldn't stop himself as he shot up from his seat and grabbed your wrist, pulling you from the sofa, and bringing you into his bedroom. Seonghwa locked the door behind him and pinned you to the wall beside it.

"Two inches? Do you need me to remind you of my size?"

Your breath hitched, but you kept up your usual behavior towards him. His hands were tugged off of you and smirked playfully at the male. "No thanks, I'd rather not have a desperate pervert in me." That was a lie. Your core ached with need as soon as he gave you that lustful gaze earlier.  Seonghwa's eyes somehow got darker and you almost shuddered underneath them. He shook his head at your words, slipping his hands into your pants, cupping your heat over your underwear. You softly mewled at his actions, your wetness seeping through the material for him to acknowledge.

"I thought I was the pervert? How come you're already so wet for me, sweetheart?" He said in a teasing voice.  You hadn't answered, afraid that you would say something to further validate what his point was. Displeased with your lack of response, he began to rub over your clothed clit, trying to rub out a reply from you.

"Answer me."

You clutched onto his shirt and began to grind against his warm hand. You soaked your underwear, arousal dripping out of you as Seonghwa toyed with your clit as if it was second nature to him. Your eyes shut tightly as you panted softly.

"Shut the fuck up...you talk too much. Just fuck me already." At this point, you had completely forgotten about the other boys who were home, your focus was on one man and one man only.

"Beg for it, princess. After the way you were acting tonight, you're gonna have to say please." Seonghwa stopped his motions on the sensitive bundle of nerves, pulling his hands out of your pants and licking the slick that had leaked through the material of your underwear. You glared at him and tried to tug his hand back to where you needed him most, but he wouldn't budge. Letting out a groan of frustration, you hit your fists against his chest.

"God, you're such a prick. I don't have to beg for you!"

"Then I suppose you're not getting my cock. I don't understand why you're being so difficult." He smirked at you and leaned his head down to press sensual kisses to your neck, sucking and licking at the soft skin. You bit back a moan and threaded your fingers in his silky, black locks. The word please threatened to make its way out your lips, but you held yourself together. Seonghwa purposely moved his lips over to your sweet spot letting them graze over the skin before attacking them in rougher kisses. Hwa had never given your neck this much attention before, he was cautious about marking you, but at the moment, he didn't seem to have a care on the matter. His plump lips painted your skin in scattered marks of purple and red.

Your demeanor was crumbling before him, mentally cursing at yourself as the dreadful word slipped out of your mouth.

"P-please."

He raised his head up and flashed you an arrogant smirk as he caressed your cheek. "Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" If you weren't so needy, you'd have slapped him by now.

"I hate you," you muttered underneath your breath, making sure he could hear. Hwa chuckled at you and tugged off his shirt, revealing his toned torso for you to admire, and you practically drooled at the sight of his beautifully sculpted body. He felt his ego soar as he watched how you gazed at him with a hungry look in your eye.

"The feeling's mutual."

Deciding to be bold, you pushed yourself off the wall and strutted closer to him, you placed a hand on his chest and walked the both of you towards the bed, pushing him down onto the soft mattress that was covered in a simple black duvet. You straddled him, placing your legs on either side of his waist and pulled off your shirt. He reached his hand up to unhook your bra and groped your chest, kneading the soft mounds in his hands. You moaned softly at the feeling of his hands on you, his fingers occasionally flicking at your nipples, you hit his hands away before you got too excited. Leaning down, you kissed down his jaw and trailed them to his collarbone and chest. Slithering your body downwards, you pecked directly above the waistband of his pants. Hwa winced and let out a frustrated groan.

"I'd recommend that you hurry up before I take over again." He reached down and tugged at your hair. Hissing at him, you swatted his hands away and rolled your eyes as you began to tug his pants and underwear to reveal his cock. His member sprung out, his tip a pretty rosy color with a hint of pre-cum leaking out of his slit. You grasped him in your hand, gently blowing cool air onto him which made him tilt his head down to look at you with a smirk.

"I can't believe you actually said 2 inches." He shook his head at you and pulled you up before flipping you both over, your body now trapped underneath his. He lowered himself and latched his lips onto your nipple, flicking his tongue against the sensitive nub. You moaned softly and wrapped your arms around his neck, playing with the hairs at the back of his neck. Seonghwa licked down your stomach and kissed your skin as he pulled off your pants along with your underwear. He slipped his fingers in-between your folds, coating them with your arousal before slipping a singular finger inside your heat. Your head sank into the pillows as your back lightly arched off of the bed.

"Hwa, m-more, for fuck sake." Your eyes clamped shut and you tried to grind yourself onto his finger.

"More? What happened to not wanting a desperate pervert in you? Something tells me you don't really hate me, do you?" He hovered over your figure, taking his finger out of you. He nearly moaned when he saw it glisten with your slick. He positioned his member near your aching heat, rubbing his tip against your hole, but not yet sinking into you.

"I do hate you, you prick. Now fuck me~" You smirked up at him, but that was soon wiped off your face when the male suddenly thrust into you without warning. He bent down and kissed your ear softly as he whispered softly in your ear in a seductive yet playful voice, "does this feel like two inches?"

"Move and maybe I'll answer."

He rolled his eyes at your stubbornness. Why couldn't you be a good girl for even a second? He'd never going to admit that you pushing him away and your behavior had turned him on in some ways...that would just make you act brattier.

Seonghwa slowly started to thrust his length inside of your soaked core. He let out a groan as he looked down to where the two of you were connected. He may have hated you, but you had the best pussy he's ever felt. The way your warm walls clutched him made him lose his mind. Your eyes rolled back as you felt the man on top of you start to move at an agonizingly slow pace. You pulled his body closer to yours, both of your chests flush against one another. You felt his body heat radiate and mix with yours as the tension filled the air in the room. He looked at you with a sneer before suddenly speeding his pace, hitting the deepest spots within you.

"F-fuck~ Harder.."  You moaned out as you gripped his hair with one hand and his shoulder with the other.

"Am I two inches?"

You groaned in frustration once more and slammed your lips against his, biting and sucking on his supple bottom lip, tugging at it between your teeth as you pulled away, looking at him with eyes flooded with burning lust.

"If you don't fuck me as hard as you can, I'm leaving, and you can jerk off to the thought of me like a pathetic loser."

Dazed by the kiss, Seonghwa's thrust slows down until he stills. He subconsciously follows after your lips as you pull away, wanting to feel your mouth on his again. Hwa listens to your words, gazing at you with an unreadable expression written on his face, he continued looking at you for a few seconds before slipping his cock out of your entrance. He grabbed you, flipping you over and pressing your face against the pillow as he lines himself up to your heat once more. He pushes himself into you, his length hit as deep as it could possibly reach and Seonghwa started to pound into you with no mercy.

You loved this side to Seonghwa, you loved pissing him off to the point where he was in his most primal state, unable to hinder any of his dominant instincts. He gripped your hair and tugged at it, pulling your face off from the pillow. The stinging sensation on your scalp traveled down your body, making you shudder underneath him.

Hwa hits a particularly hard thrust as he growls into your ear. "Am I still 2 fucking inches, sweetheart?"

You whimpered softly and your words mixed in with moans. "N-no, y-you're not." He let out a smirk at your words, pleased with himself that he had finally broken that bratty attitude of yours.

"You should be a good girl more often for me, Y/N~ It's cute." He let go of your hair, letting your face plop back onto the soft pillow of his before gently grazing his fingertips on the side of your face, sneaking his hand over to your neck. Seonghwa wraps his soft warm hand around your throat and squeezes the sides of it, applying the right amount of pressure to lightly choke you. His hips stutter inside of you when he felt your pulse race against his fingertips. You started to feel the pleasure build up in your stomach, a knot-like feeling tightening each time his cock moved within you. Your heat had gotten wetter when he wrapped his hands round your neck, lewd noises filled the room from the slick sticking to him along with sounds of your his skin slapping against yours.

"F-fuck you. I s-still hate you." You choked out as best as you could, your mind was hazed with pleasure, and you slurred on your words. Hwa shifted slightly inside of you, hitting your g-spot head-on. He chuckled mockingly in your ear as you moaned out louder. The way he could toy with your body was phenomenal, he knew how to please you better than anyone, even better than you could. Hwa felt his cock twitch from the sounds that spilled out of your lips. A knot in his own stomach began to build up, and he thrust faster inside of your heat, chasing his climax as well as yours.

Lifting your hips slightly, he took his hand that was pressing on your neck and trailed it down to your heat. He began rubbing harsh circles onto your clit, which made you see stars. The sheets next to you were tightly grasped by your hands, your knuckles turning lighter in color as you chanted out his name, melting together with your moans. Building up fast, the knot in your stomach felt as if it was going to unravel any minute now. He groaned in your ear and held back his release for as long as he could. Seonghwa wanted you to be consumed by bliss first. The headboard hit the wall as he moved inside of you as hard as he could.  Sex with Hwa was nearly always rough to a degree due to all the built-up tension between both of you, but you weren't complaining by any means.

After a few more minutes of heavy pants, moaning, and intense thrusts, the knot in your stomach had suddenly unraveled.

"F-fuck~

Your climax had hit you hard, pleasure overflowing through your body to the point where you saw flashes of white through your closed eyes. A warmness washed throughout your figure as Hwa now chased his climax. He hid his face in the crook of your neck as he began to roll his hips, trying to draw his orgasm closer. He feels his climax on the brink of arrival before he pulls out of you to jerks his length off at a quick pace. A deep moan escapes his lips as warm ropes of cum spill out of his tip and onto your ass, painting it with white. His eyes roll back as tingles spread throughout his body. Seonghwa's speed on his cock slowed until he came to a halt. He pants along with you and reaches over to his bedside table to grab a tissue, cleaning you up before laying next to you.

Turning your head slightly, you look at the male who had just given you an immense amount of pleasure. You roll your eyes playfully as you watch his chest move up and down from him panting. You were never going to admit that he looked extremely sexy, so sexy that you wanted round 2. One of your favorite parts about having sex with Seonghwa was the fact that he had amazing reactions afterward, it showed how engaged and satisfied he was.

"Did you really cum that hard? You're breathing like a dog."

Seonghwa let out a chuckle, how could your attitude still be present after he just fucked you?

"You're one to talk, you couldn't stop calling out my name." He smirked and turned to face you as he began mocking you in an exaggerated, and high pitched voice, "UGH SEONGHWA, FUCK ME HARDER." You covered his mouth and lightly hit his somewhat sweaty chest. He rolled his eyes, taking your hand off of his face.

"I do not sound like that!"

"Um..yeah...you do."

"No, I don't."

"Well, clearly you never heard yourself before."

"Well, clearly, you need to shut up and stop being a dick."  

Meanwhile in the living room...

Yunho clears his throat and looks at the rest of the boys whose eyes were wider than they've ever been.

 "Did anyone else find that lowkey hot?" Wooyoung speaks up after what had seemed like an eternity of silence.

"SHUT UP!" The other 6 males yelled out with a blush on their faces.

Maybe they did find it a little bit hot...

[slashersins]

saving grace

part three

( part one ) ( part two ) ( part four )   ( part five )

this can be read as taking place after part two or as taking place sometime after the ‘ things that go bump in the night ’ .

“ cole ? ”

the name falls from your lips so softly , so fearful , so shocked that the man looming over you and the one inside of the walls almost don’t catch you say it . this wasn’t the person you’d hoped to see when you went to unlock the door . it should have been greta and malcolm . or maybe that one preacher who stopped by to check in and offer you a seat at the church . you would of even settled for the newspaper boy tossing the paper a bit too hard . but no . instead there was a beast standing before you . a monster who you didn’t want to see . 

you’re barely able to recover , holding the brahms doll closer to your chest . the worried and shocked expression turning to anger on your face as you take a deep breath and try to shut the door in cole’s annoyed face .

his hand reaches out catching the door before it stop and he grunts in annoyance . “ don’t be so rude , y/n . you didn’t even let me say hello . ” he glares at you , a fake smile on his lips as he tries so hard to look non-menacing . he fails , and he knows it . “ where’s greta ? thought she was supposed to be here . she hiding somewhere ? ”

you press harder against the door . if you end up breaking his fingers or hands slamming it shut then good for you . but he’s stronger than you are , and you’re only working with one free hand . you put your weight onto the door , hoping that he’ll get annoyed and give up . “ she’s not here . go away , cole . you’re not a part of her life anymore . ” you can’t help but get snippy with this man . after all the pain and suffering he brought your best friend . . . there are just some things that not even you can forgive . 

“ then - fuck , stop trying to shut the damn door - let me in . i’ll just wait for her . let me in , dammit ! ” for a moment you think he might have given up , but you’re mistaken as cole forces the door open by catching you off guard .the force of his shove sending you falling back to the ground , arms wrapped protectively around brahms .” what the fuck are you even holding ? get off the floor , where the hell is greta ? why isn’t she here ? when is she coming back ? ” his words are harsh , growled out low and demanding as he stalks closer . you can only hold brahms closer to your chest as you scoot back , glaring up at him .

brahms wasn’t happy watching from where he was . he hadn’t been able to see who it was at the door , but he could tell from the way you said their name that they were not welcome . he almost jumped out of the walls right then when cole sent you flying to the floor . wanting to reach out and wring the man’s neck . and the way he spoke to you , the way he tried to intimidate you , all of it was setting off alarm bells in brahms head . 

the look in your eyes only fueled the inferno in brahm’s chest . you’d never given such a look to so much as a bug in the house . even when you were upset , you’d always been so gentle . he panted from behind the walls , pressing close , nails digging into wood as he weighed his options .

“ get out of here , cole . i already told you greta wasn’t here . and it’s not your business . she’s not your - ”

“ oh will you just shut the fuck up . ” he slammed his hand on the table so hard that you jumped , making a noise of fear in the back of your throat . but you tried your best to keep glaring at cole , even as you stood up and dusted yourself off . “ answer my fucking questions and quit playing the dumb bitch . where the fuck is greta and when the fuck is she going to be back here ? and what the fuck are you holding ? ” 

“ greta is out . i don’t know when she’ll be home . you need to leave . it’s trespassing . go . i’ll call the cops on you , cole . i’ve done it before , i’ll do it again . get out . ” 

that pissed him off more . he remembered you calling the cops on him . he remembered it clearly . greta had been mouthy and stupid and you tried to show up and be some fucking knight in armor to protect her or some shit . he’d been arrested and nearly charged before greta’s resolve broke and she paid his bail . but what was worse was that you’d been the reason greta left . you’d convinced her to break it off . and fuck , if he wasn’t still sore about it . stupid mother henning bitch . maybe it was time you were put in your place . 

“ you need to leave , cole . you’re breaking the rules . there aren’t supposed to be any visitors . ” logic . logic him out . do something . anything . the longer cole was here the angrier he’d get . you knew that . and you knew he hated you . it wasn’t safe being alone with him . not for you , not for greta , not for brahms . gently you placed your lips to the doll’s temple , “ don’t worry , brahms , i’ll make him leave okay ? just please be good for a little while longer . ”

but it seemed brahms had other ideas . he could see the tension , feel it from where he hid . and he wouldn’t stand for it . loud , clear , and angry he called out , voice soft as a child , “ get out . ” cole nearly gave himself whiplash looking around the room , trying to find the source of the voice . you held brahms closer , looking alarmed , quietly begging the doll not to rile the man up . “ get out . i don’t want you here . go away . ”

“ what . . . what the fuck is this ? what kind of fucking game are you playing ? is that you greta ? are you in on this stupid fucking prank ? did you plan this ? where the fuck are you ? is that how greta’s hearing you ? through that fucking thing you’re holding ? give it to me - ”

“ no ! it’s not a prank . i told you to leave , cole . you aren’t welcome and he knows you’re not welcome . so go away ! ” you stumbled partly as you backed into a kitchen chair ,trying to put distance between you and cole as he started towards you . “ the longer you’re here the angrier he’s going to get so just go . ”

“who the fuck is ‘ he ’ ? ”

“ get out . ” the anger in brahms voice only grew as cole refused to heed the warning . the walls seemed to shake , the voice coming from a new place in the room . 

“ brahms . the boy . and he doesn’t take kindly to strangers . ” you’re voice was firm , but you were shaking like a leaf , terrified of both cole and the anger that would soon come from the boy possessing the doll in your arms . 

cole had enough . this was stupid . what you were saying was stupid . with a snarl he lunged for you . and you took off with brahms pressed close to your chest . you had to get out of his reach . you had to make sure he didn’t turn his anger to you or brahms . you had to run . run . and hide . and beg to god that greta didn’t come home alone and that she came home soon . 

[nerdybirdy6602]

Prompt Q: Quiet

Up next for the Dimension 20 Alphabet @dimension20alphabet event is a bit of a longer fabriz fic. No specific spoilers for FH:SY. Now, here’s a time when Riz notices that Fabian is just a little quieter than usual.

Fabian was quiet today.

Passing him in the hallway this morning, Riz had waved hello only to get a nod of acknowledgement back. Catching up with Fabian at his locker before third period as they so often did was also a fruitless endeavor. The half elf barely said a word before pushing past Riz to his next class. Even during lunch, their friends dominated the conversation instead of Fabian. He hardly even ate his lunch, deciding to simply poke at it like he suspected it was poisoned.

Riz knew his friends and knew them well. You didn’t kill an ancient dragon and traverse a cursed forest with people without getting to know them. Fabian being quiet was scary, because it meant he was in his own head. Riz, knowing the overactive machinations of his own mind, found such lengthy periods of introspection daunting. With all that Fabian had experienced, he figured it couldn’t be good for him either. So, when the final period ended and they were free to go, Riz made sure he was the first person out of the building.

He sat atop the Hangman, which he recognized was a bold move seeing as the vehicle didn’t care for him very much. Whispering, he explained, “Fabian didn’t look good today. I’m trying to stop him from running away from whatever is messing him up inside. Please don’t throw me off.”

The Hangman didn’t reply to him directly, but he felt a comforting rev come from the demonic engine. Though he couldn’t be sure what exactly the motorcycle was thinking, Riz took it as a good sign. He watched as, moments later, Fabian walked up to the bike looking worse than when Riz had seen him at lunch.

“Not in the mood, The Ball,” Fabian mumbled. “Get off. I’m going home.”

“Not until you explain what happened,” Riz answered defiantly, puffing out his chest a bit. “You’ve barely spoken all day.”

“The Ball,” Fabian seethed quietly through grit teeth. It made Riz’s ears perk up into an alert, anxious position. “Last chance. Get off the Hangman.”

“Why can’t you just—”

Next thing Riz knew, there was a strong force against his chest, and the poor goblin boy was staring at the blue sky above. He struggled to catch the breath that was knocked out of his lungs before he could process what the hell just happened. As Riz choked and gasped at the pain in his chest, he realized Fabian had straight up punched him in the chest. A wave of betrayal and hurt washed over Riz before he realized that Fabian probably wasn’t in the best place right now.

“Fuck,” his friend swore, stooping down to look at Riz. “Fuck, I didn’t… Well, I did mean to, but… Shit, are you okay?”

Riz gave a quick nod, coughing and hacking as he sat up slowly. Weakly, he rasped, “If you really wanted me off, there were other ways to do it.”

Silence spread between the two of them, palpable and tense. Riz felt the eyes of their classmates on them, as fights tended to gather a crowd. For once, it looked like Fabian didn’t like and didn’t want the attention. Extending a hand, Fabian helped Riz get to his feet. He dusted Riz off and bestowed a Healing Word on him to fix the damages, looking incredibly guilty.

“Take a ride with me, Riz,” Fabian offered, glancing around at the crowded parking lot. “Please?”

“Sure, Fabes.”

Riz hopped on behind Fabian, gripping the boy’s waist tight as they escaped the prying eyes of their peers. The goblin boy felt the buzz of his crystal in his pocket, presumably from their party, but he ignored it. Whatever Fabian needed, it definitely wasn’t their friends casting blame. So, he let the ride go on in comfortable silence.

Turns out Fabian decided to take them to a park. It was quiet and somewhat secluded, which made sense if Fabian wanted privacy whilst he bared his heart to Riz. Fabian smoothly parked the Hangman and led Riz to the edge of the park’s pond. The half elf sat down in the grass, gathering stones to throw into the water. Riz took the unspoken invitation and followed suit.

“I broke up with Aelwyn last night.”

Well, Riz hated to admit that he kind of saw that coming. The pair had been picking fights with each other over nonsense things for weeks. Aelwyn would nitpick Fabian’s clothes, and Fabian would roll his eyes when Aelwyn vented about her drama. Riz could see from a mile away that they weren’t compatible.

“You didn’t seem very happy with her,” Riz admitted gently. “Maybe it’s for the best?”

Fabian tensed like he was about to lash out, and Riz braced for the impact. However, nothing came. He merely threw a stone into the pond and watched as the ripples spread across the smooth surface of the water as he mumbled, “I wanted it to work, even when I knew it wasn’t going to. I tried, I really did, but it’s hard to give your full attention to someone when you’re… distracted.”

Riz quirked a brow. Distracted by what? Fabian barely paid attention in class, and most of his spare time was spent with the group. Rather than ask the question Fabian was baiting him into, he provided the obvious, but untrue, alibi. “Yeah, life just gets in the way sometimes. Between side-quests and school and family, I’m surprised you had any—”

“Not that kind of distraction,” Fabian interjected, chucking another stone into the water. “I mean it’s hard to love someone when you’re in love with someone else.”

Oh shit.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner, Fabes? Who’s the girl?”

Fabian’s cheeks grew red, and he turned his face away and mumbled, “It’s not important. It’ll never happen.”

“That doesn’t sound like Fabian Aramais Seacaster,” Riz teased, a hint of his fangs showing as he smiled. “Come on, it’s you we’re talking about! You’re always going on about how perfect you are and how lucky anyone would be to be with you. Why the sudden humbleness?”

No words answered him. Instead, the reverberating sound of splashing water filled the empty space between them. Carefully, as if approaching a wild animal that could attack at any moment, Riz scooted closer.

“Come on, dude,” he said earnestly. “You can trust me. I won’t say anything.”

Fabian surged forward so quick and smooth it spooked the young goblin detective. He jumped, only slightly, as Fabian pressed his lips against Riz’s own. The goblin, having never been kissed seriously, had no clue what to do. His hands stalled at his sides, his eyes were wide open, and his lips stayed puckered tight. The feeling wasn’t unwelcomed; that wasn’t what his stock-still posture was for. Riz was simply caught off-guard, and that alone caused his brain to short-circuit.

When Fabian pulled away, which to Riz felt like an eternity later but was in actuality probably a few seconds, shame was etched onto his face. The goblin couldn’t begin to tell what Fabian was thinking. Hell, he couldn’t begin to process his own thoughts. Riz’s mouth opened and closed several times, searching for the words that would explain what he was feeling. Alas, he had none.

“I should have asked,” Fabian mumbled weakly, apologetically watching Riz struggle. “That was dumb. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I should just go and—”

“No!”

Riz reached out, gripping Fabian’s arm tight in order to hold him in place. Riz wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he knew he didn’t want the half elf to leave with this unresolved. Fabian, looking shocked by the outburst, remained on the grass. He didn’t meet Riz’s eyes, though it was hard to tell if it was out of fear, embarrassment, or both.

“I didn’t hate that,” Riz said slowly. “I know you probably think I did because of what I did, or I guess didn’t do. You’ve also chosen to surprise-kiss a guy with no experience, so that’s kind of on you.”

That elicited a laugh from Fabian as he had hoped. The sound was weak in and of itself, but it showed Riz that the situation could be mended. Fabian looked more at ease, at least, which made hope swell in the goblin’s chest.

“We can make this a thing if that’s what you want,” Riz offered kindly. “If it works out, great! If not, we’ll still be best friends.”

“What if you won’t be able to look at me the same afterwards?”

“Then that’s my problem,” Riz answered immediately, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “And I’ll get over it. But Fabian, you’re always going to be my best friend. Always.”

Fabian sighed, a small smile on his lips. He finally met Riz’s eyes, and it seemed to settle both their anxieties. The half elf was no longer afraid, and the goblin felt his mind start processing normally again. His detective brain was whirring to life, and Riz couldn’t help but wonder how he couldn’t see the signs.

“Riz,” Fabian murmured, eyes drifting to Riz’s mouth. “Can I try that again?”

“Please,” Riz whispered, his cheeks flushing teal.

This time, it went a lot easier.