#kinda personal I guess

[shootmewithasilverbullet]

It's 2023 and I'm out here desperate for a kankiba discord

[turgidscum]

As another native, genuinely I suggest that you try to learn about what gender looked like pre contact. Idk what tribe you’re from but my tribes entire creation story and beliefs includes and respects who we now call 2spirit. Talk to 2spirit people from your tribe, talk to your elders. I get why you’re a transmed, trying to survive in a colonial system and worldview is hard and it makes us always put our energy into survival and respectability politics, but we need to be putting our energy into challenging that system and worldview, not just trying to live within it. And also you can be indigenous and have anti indigenous beliefs, (most of us have at least some, at least subconscious, that’s colonialism for you) I’m not erasing who you are.

my tribe has no history of two spirit individuals, as the term was only coined in 1990 by myra laramee, who was an elder of the fisher river cree nation. the cree nation is on the opposite side of north america from my nation. we have never had any contact, any trade, nothing. the language of our nations is as vast and changing as any other nation, and my nation has a negative history with anyone not cis or straight.

my tribe only permits same-sex marriage as a result of federal ruling under the cfr. my tribe will not reissue my card despite by name and sex being changed legally.

i suppose you could chalk this up to colonialism, and i wouldn't blame you. when i asked my elders about this, they said that lgbt people were generally cast out in our tribe... though, again, whether this is colonialism, i'm not sure. but i can almost guarantee that none of the elders of my nation at present are welcoming of lgbt people and do not stand behind the idea of two-spirit. i personally don't as i have no connections with such a term. i am a man and always have been.

my nation being southern certainly hasn't helped. while some of the other members i grew up with are lgbt, i have long-since left them behind and moved on with my life. maybe they're more accepting than they were ten years ago... who knows. considering they won't reissue my card, i doubt it. (perhaps i shouldn't say i have my card if it's not my name, right?)

i am proud of my native heritage. i am not proud of how my nation, and my tribe specifically, treat people like us.

[adreamingofguns]

really late last night i was like oh shit i should work on my horny priestfic i promised i'd write for somebody in the saw server

and what happened instead was that my brain was like NOPE. GENESIS TIME. sorry she just haunts the narrative like laura palmer ass and every. single. thing. T does traces right back to her. it's a meditation on grief, I think. how much influence does one person have on the people they left behind. welcome to hell where i can't talk about shit like a normal person and have to filter it through 37 levels of fictionalizing bullshit to work through my issues. what is a legacy, indeed.

[partyrockiing]

sometimes im like how the Fuck do u guys have the motivation to Draw Stuff then i remember that i have depression and am probably in a depressive episode or something rn because i cant find anything enjoyable rn other than reading romance webtoons bc that doesnt take any effort and makes me stay in bed all day n i get executive dysfunction and cant bring myself to click on the Play button on any game on my steam n dont feel like eating anything that takes any effort n im like . Oh

[meamiiikiii]

silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:

context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA

(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)

[celery505]

When I say Rimmer is just like me I do mean it in every sense of the way.

[icantdothistodaybruh]

The BoM side story won't let go of me

[choccy-milky]

✨ pokémon AU! 🔴✨ clora is mainly fairy & psychic (bc shes sweet but also smart) whereas seb trends towards fire/dark (even tho i only ended up giving him 1 dark pokemon...shhh) i originally gave him a houndour, bc dark + guard dog was such a perfect combo for him, but arcanine ALSO suits him and is way cuter so i had to go with that 🥹 and i had to fit in a raven and a snake pokemon somewhere bc...cmon🥰 BAHAHA

TYSM to the anon who inspired this!! it was so much fun

[miikpal]

for consumption

[art-is-kayos]

Checking up on his commission

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[stars-obsession-pit]

Danny Phantom was not used to fighting magic users. Ghosts, yes. But humans with powers? No.

So when a cult managed to successfully summon and bind him, he lacked the knowledge of how to stop them.

And they tore him apart.

His core was broken into pieces, each one then implanted into one of the most loyal cult members (or potentially sold off to another person to use…) to grant them a portion of Phantom’s many powers.

However, the cult didn’t entirely know what they were doing either. You see, it turns out that shattering Danny’s core in that manner didn’t truly end him. His soul still persisted, still refused to die even as it was trapped amongst the disparate shards. Though each individual piece lacked the strength of mind or power to affect their hosts, they would gradually forge themselves together anew should they ever be gathered back together.

And after Red Hood killed several of the cult’s members, that process began. Their shards, now freed, transferred to the vigilante, instinctively latching onto his proto-core. Though still not yet whole enough to form a truly conscious fragment of Danny, they are enough to start to nudge Hood in the right direction (bolstered in effectiveness by Jason’s connection to death)

Jason can feel it deep within his soul. There’s something more to this cult’s powers than just normal magic, and he has a growing need to find out what that is. To stop them. To burn them all down and dig their secrets from the ashes.

[murkybu]

ambigious smp quackity

[nexadarling]

Watching tristamp: oh vash has mommy issues

Watching trigun 98: oh vash has MOMMY ISSUES

Reading Trimax: Actually Vash went through an extremely traumatising event at a young age and had to face the realities of humans. Rem was there, as the twins' mother figure, to represent the good. Reconciling humanity's differences is what made him how he is, and he projects that onto Rem. In this essay I will-

[pinchan]

(hits your ancient sorcerers with the teenage beam)

[screwpinecaprice]

They won the lottery and inspired by Mr. Greg, they spent it all in one day by committing identity fraud.

Idk I took a second job and my brain is so fried right now. 😭