#kind of hopelessness against fate that other side characters that have less to say in the narrative makes me feel

[crystal-moon-101]

I wanna hear your take on Benlie and/or Benkai. You don’t have to ship them, just say a few things you could have done to make them smoother and healthier, friendship or romance. You could even have both if you have an idea on a better, cleaner break up story.

Ok, so I’m a Benlie person, 100%, and while I don’t ship Ben and Kai, I definitely think they deserved to be handled better. So I have rewritten how those relationships, along with a few others of Ben’s love life, have gone, and I’ll share it here. Warning, this does get a bit long, and does have some violence at a certain point, but I hope you enjoy my take on it!

So the start of Ben and Julie’s relationship in Alien Force is mostly the same, though I did adjust it that they somewhat knew each other before hand, having seen each other in school, especially since Ben’s soccer practice took place at the same time and same kind of area as the girl’s tennis practice.  Ben asks her out, Ship appears and becomes her pet, Julie starts understanding the alien better, sees Ben have 14 moth children, the basic stuff from canon. However, my major changes start during season 3 of Alien Force, the part of the series that took quite the nose dive in terms of character arcs. I still have it that Ben and Julie start to have issues and argue, but in believable ways, and they still clearly love each other. The issues arise when Ben does start to get cocky a little, due to all the praise he’s getting from saving the galaxy from the High-Breed, and his accomplishment surrounding that are huge, since he hasn’t won something like that before. Again, doesn’t help that half the galaxy keeps praising him and treating him like a God, but Ben does still be a hero, and even starts to get anxieties since now he’s starting to deal with bigger issues, more people demanding for him to help their planets around the galaxy, and Ben wants to be that hero for them...but there is only so much he can do. He does love the admiration from everyone, feeling special and all that, but he does start to make him feel different, in and odd way...He’s struggle to connect with his human grounds now, due to constantly turning into aliens and spending time out in space, his relationship with earth just isn’t the same anymore. And even them, aliens around him treat him as something else too, like he’s not human or an alien, he’s something else, and not knowing what makes him nervous. To mask all of these fears, he uses his over-confident nature like a mask, and it does get pretty bad for a month or two until Gwen, Julie and Kevin make him see reason. Meanwhile, Julie is struggling in her own right after the High-Breed war. She was happy to have fought in it to protect her home and people, but after seeing a proper glimpse of the alien worlds outside of earth...she will admit that scares her. She didn’t go off world like when Kevin, Gwen and Ben did, mostly waiting for them on earth and did missions there with them, even lending them Ship when they needed it. While she didn’t judge Ben and was willing to live with idea of aliens after their first date, like adopting Ship, she still have a lot to process about there being alien life. It’s much harder on her than it was for Ben, because he learnt about it when he was young, his entire family knew about it and could support him through it, and even the Omnitrix provided better understandings for him. Julie...she didn’t have any of that. It was just her dad, Ship and her, and while Ship was a good start, he was still just one tiny piece of the outside world around her. She knew she’d have to accept it over time, now that she knew the truth, and especially when earth starts learning that truth too, but at times it felt like she wasn’t allowed to process. She doesn’t blame Ben for it, as he’s so use to it all by now, but there have been many moments where he seems to forget she is very early to this whole alien concept compared to him. She was afraid she couldn’t catch up, and even has moments where she didn’t want to take a step forward, afraid of what she might find. So she started joining less and less missions with Ben, Gwen and Kevin, and while she still hanged out with them, she tried not to get involved with their alien business. She will admit, maybe a part of her wished she didn’t know about alien life at times, to have a life back when things seemed more simple.

So these deep feelings from both Ben and Julie spark arguments, because both are unsure with themselves, thus unsure in relationships with others, especially each other, with Julie thinking she couldn’t keep up with Ben, and Ben thinking he couldn’t slow down for her. And it all eventually led to a point where things had to stop... And unlike Omniverse’s god awful handle of the break up, I instead had it like this. Julie is the one who starts the conversation, having called Ben over to her. She’s honest with him, saying that it’s just not working out, and that they should find different people that work for them. Ben does beg a little at first, saying he’ll try better, but Julie knows that right now they can’t be a happy couple and need space, and Ben eventually agrees, but it still hurts. It hurts more when Gwen and Kevin leave too, and Julie also goes on a tennis tournament in France, so Ben has to deal with the loneliness he feels for a while, even when Rook joins his side. Meanwhile, Julie meets Herve in France, who was taking photographs for sport magazines. The two talk and eventually hit it off, Julie somewhat clinging a little as Herve is very much the down to earth and normal human guy she thought she wanted, someone who wasn’t related to any alien business. She does miss Ben, a part of her not letting go, and while the two agreed to remain friends, they did drift a little over time. They would still voice chat, send some text and Ben would check up on her tournaments when he could, but both of their lives got rather busy and they drifted away for a couple of months, though still dearly missing each other. Ben takes his time to heal, still dealing with all the other problems he’s facing, especially the whole “Am I human, am I alien, am I something else?” and “How much of a hero am I without the watch?”. His friendship with Rook grows pretty well, and he settles somethings with Gwen and Kevin since they moved to university. So most relationships of his are going well, expect for romantic relationships...  He struggles to settle and commit to most of them, and mostly dates around for a bit, spending some time with people like Looma, Rook Shar, even Attea on one date. He does eventually settle with Ester for a bit, and the two seem like a good match. Both fun loving, eager for adventure, and enjoy each other’s company. And Ben did try and make it work, he really did, Ester was a great girl and he wanted the best for her but...again, it was hard for them to keep up with each other. Ester is a girl full of energy, and very much wants to do something 24/7, and while she doesn’t fault Ben, she will admit she does get lonely when he spends so much time off on missions she can’t join in, and the two break it off when Ben couldn’t be what she needed. But they are still close friends and hang out pretty often. Again, alone in his love life, Ben felt hopeless in it. Was he cursed to be single for the rest of his life? So when Kai came back into his life, his first proper crush he can remember, he will admit that maybe he jumped into things too quickly. There was no Kenny time traveling nonsense in this version, no fate tying to together, rather just two young teens jumping into a relationship neither ended up wanting. But they stuck with it for a while because they felt like they had to, despite the arguments and bickering. Both were scared to be alone, as Ben couldn’t lose another girlfriend, and Kai realized just how lonely her work made her feel. They didn’t hate each other, they just weren’t in love. It didn’t help that, since Julie returned to Bellwood with Herve, Ben felt jealous at Herve. Which annoyed him, because Herve was actually a really nice person, and gave Julie a lot of love. Really, it was more Ben angry at himself that he couldn’t provide the things Julie needed...And while Julie and Ben did talk and hang out from time to time, Ben was distance often, even when Julie reached out to him. It was just...seeing her so happy, living a normal life, Ben didn’t want to taint that with his presence.  It wasn’t until one fateful day that things started to turn around, though the start was pretty bad. It was another day, another fight with Vilgax, who was rampaging through the streets, clashing with Plumbers, Ben and Rook. Julie and Herve had been nearby when it started, and the two decided to help get civilians to safety, splitting up at one point to cover more ground. Julie ran into Rook and Ben, who tried to usher Julie away, but unfortunately Vilgax noticed her, and saw Ben’s panic of worry for Julie to run. It didn’t take long for Vilgax to remember who this young teenage girl was, and decided to use her as hostage against Ben. Seeing his arch nemesis using someone he secretly still loved as hostage, not to mention he had a pretty bad week before hand, Ben just...kind of snapped. He didn’t go easy on Vilgax for once, switching between multiple aliens rapidly to stomp Vilgax into the ground. (Side Note: I have the headcanon that, while Ben can do rapid transformation, if he does so many in a short amount of time, he does get a mild side affect of his emotions being amplified, due to his brain having tumbled around from the quick transformations.)   By the time the Plumbers and Rook arrived, the two city blocks had been trashed and Vilgax was burred into the road. Due to the side affect of multi  rapid transformations, Ben was protectively holding onto Julie, who had passed out from some injures from Vilgax (Nothing major, but the stress of it did make her lose conscious). They managed to pry Julie away, while Ben was taken away to calm down, needing to give his body and mind for a rest. Julie was taken to a Plumber hospital, and she woke up fairly soon with mild injures that wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to heal over the next few weeks. Many visited her, including Herve, her dad, Gwen and Kevin, along with Ship her stayed by her the entire time. It took a long while for Ben to show up, mostly because he was nervous and felt ashamed by how he acted, but Gwen gave him a good peep talk and convinced him to go.   It started off a little awkward, but simple, Ben checking how she was feeling, with her also making sure he was ok too. They catched up a bit, even laughing over some old memories, which eventually lead into a small discussion about their past relationship, both finally properly apologizing for how they acted, even clearly up a few things that were worried over, like Ben admitting that he had been avoiding Julie because he thought it was better for her, and not because he hated her or anything. Buttt, one thing lead to another and well...the two kissed in the heat of the moment, both going in for it, and for a few seconds it was bliss...until they both realized what they were doing, and understanding that one, Julie was still dating Herve, and second, Ben was still dating Kai. Flustered, Ben rushed out of there, with Julie panicking over what they did.

The two keep it a secret, not wanting people to know what happened between them, and when Julie got out of the hospital, they kind of awkwardly avoided each other, needing to think about things. They clearly still held feelings, but they were both dating other people and were scared to mess up with each other again. Cue them somehow almost always bumping into each other, like the gods themselves were trying to make them suffer, and their feelings becoming more and more obvious, but neither making a move of any kind. Ben confides in Kevin, Gwen and Rook, even admitting to his feelings and the kiss to them, and while they give him advice, they know it’s up to him and Julie to sort things out.

But Ben avoids it again, not ready and unsure in himself. He already messed up many relationships before hand, including with Julie, so what if it all went downhill again...And Julie questioned herself, she had been avoiding space and alien life for so long, thinking it would make her happy, but she starts to realize that no...it’s not making her happy, trying to deny something outside of her bubble just wasn’t working anymore, especially with her feelings towards Ben. However, after some long thinking, Ben decides to at least do one thing. So he organizes a get together with Kai at a cafe, needing to talk to her. The two have a sit down and Ben explains that this relationship isn’t working, and that they shouldn’t keep trying to make something that isn’t there to happen. Kai agrees, both feeling some stress loosen from their shoulders, and they still decide to be friends, feeling much more comfortable with a relationship like that, even sharing a nice hot chocolate together at the cafe. And so while Ben goes to deal with the other problem in his love life, Kai may or may not end up catching up with Ester in the process~ While Ben makes plans on what to do next, he and Rook are ended up being called over to a Plumber Prison base, to make plans to move Vilgax finally. Little did they know, Vilgax prepared for this. You see, a part of him already knew he’d be capture again, sent to this base to await movement, so the last time he was here, he built up some allies on the inside, and eventually the outside. He also knew Ben would show up, so he made a plan to make sure the Omnitrix wouldn’t get in the way. After how Ben stomped him into the streets before, Vilgax was looking for some nasty revenge. Not really kill Ben...but something more traumatic.  So when Ben and Rook show up, surprise surprise, Vilgax isn’t in his cell. While Rook talks to some of the guards, Ben searches Vilgax’s cell for clues, only for it to suddenly turn on, along with it’s defenses, including an electric shock that surprises Ben, and causes the watch to bug out, unable to be used. Rook check on Ben, but next thing anyone knows, alarms start blaring and almost all cells open, and prisoners start running while. Since Ben’s watch is down, and many people here hate him, Rook wants to keep him safe and tries to escort off the base. But Ben being Ben, he wanted to help, and rushed off to try and help some injured guards here and there, with Rook following. However, some prisoners, who were secretly working under Vilgax, skillfully guide Rook and Ben away from each other, and eventually trap Ben in a lone room, but not by himself. There, Vilgax was waiting for him, and since Ben didn’t have the watch to help, he was screwed. Vilgax knocked him around a few times, though being careful enough to not instantly kill Ben with his strength, before deciding finally to make the hero suffer. (Warning here for those who are squeamish) He does so but taking the tip of one of his claws, and dragging it down Ben’s arms, damaging his nerves. He would have done more, if not for Rook, the guards and some Plumber bursting in and chasing him off, saving Ben before he could bleed out, but the boy did pass out and wouldn’t wake up for a long while. People were, of course, scared...particularly Ben’s friends and family, who visited him everyday, mostly Max and surprisingly Azmuth, who also fixed the watch to help in Ben’s recovery. Gwen and Kevin ended up being the ones to inform Julie what happened, when she noticed Ben wasn’t around, and hearing that Ben almost died...it scared Julie. She didn’t want to lose him, of course, but also the idea that he could have died while they still had issues to fix...she didn’t want it to end like that, for things to be so messy and unclear. So when Herve saw her look down and upset, and getting her to explain what happened to Ben, the two talked. Herve admits that for a while he knew Julie still had feelings for Ben, and could tell that things weren’t so cut and dry between them, especially when he got to met Ben himself. He also admits that maybe Julie and Herve are, in a way, maybe a little too perfect for each other. Their relationship is stagnant at times, with not a lot of growth because never healthy challenges the other. So with no hard feelings whatsoever, Herve says that if Julie wants too, the two can break up but still remain friends, and Julie thanks him, agreeing too and even asking that she hopes he can still be her photographer. And for the next few weeks, Julie visits Ben with some of the others from time to time, hoping he’ll be ok so they can talk... Eventually, Ben wakes up, Azmuth having been there when he did so, and helps to catch the young boy up on what happened. Ben notices that, while his arms have been healing finely enough, his nerves are a little slow in the process, having not fully recovered, shown by him unable to keep his arms and hands steady, constantly shaking when moving them. It scares him, even when Azmuth reassures him that they’ll heal thanks to the watch...Ben just can’t help but feel like if they don’t heal, then he may have to give up the hero business in the end, even if that’s just his fears playing tricks on him.  So during his recovery, people come visit him, making sure he’s ok. Until eventually, Julie shows up, wanting to make sure he’s ok, and knowing they had to talk. They couldn’t keep putting it off, especially after something like this, and Ben finally agrees to stop running and to finally clear things out. They discuss a little more about their past relationship, about their insecurities during it, and where they go from here, both mentioning they’ve broken up with Herve and Kai.  They talk some more, relaxing in each other’s company, and admit to their feelings, both deep down knowing they want to give it another go. And since they’ve had time apart, learnt from new experiences, they decide that maybe they can try, taking it slow and see where it will go. And the two kiss, and for once in a very long time...it feels right. As said, they take things slow, and after everything that happened in the past few years, things actually go well for them. There are, of course, hiccups there and here, but they’re matured enough to know how to talk things through, and solve problems together.  Ben does start to recover more and leave the hospital, and while he nerves aren’t fully healed by them, they will eventually. And while the two go one small dates during his healing, catching up and being blissfully happy with each other, they end up bumping into Kai and Ester, who appear to also be dating now. One thing led to another and the four end up going on double dates fairly often, having fun times together, Ben 100% supporting his two exs dating, seeing how happy they are. Julie, Ester and Kai even like to share cheesy stories of when Ben was their boyfriend, and he loves to play alone with it too.   And that, is my take on Ben and Julie’s relationship! 💚💗

[mc-critical]

your analysis of selim? i think he's hated way more than he deserves. hating him for valid reasons is fine but telling that he's gonna be such a bad sultan is really stupid [and especially because only now do they bring out history & say selim was bad which is historically inaccurate as well]. out of all of suleyman's sons, it was only mustafa who was loved by all & talented [show only cuz apparently mehmet was also extremely talented & selim wasn't a bad sultan] enough for the throne. bayezid was extremely hotheaded and you can't tell me that a prince who can't control his emotions, especially in front of state officials, will be a good sultan. everyone tells selim was extremely selfish & the instigator of all their fights, when they were younger & older. siblings are always like that?? mustafa obviously wasn't like that because he was way older than mehmet, mihrimah, selim, bayezid & cihangir to get into stupid fights w/ them. mehmet & mihrimah had frequent & annoying arguments because they were closer in age. selim & bayezid had frequent fights because they were closer in age. this is a thing with many siblings; the elder provoking the younger & the younger disrespecting the elder. why do people point out their sibling fights as evidence for selim's personality? i feel sorry for bayezid as a kid but i feel less remorse for him as he's older. i don't say he deserves execution, especially at the hands of his own father, but he did rebel against his father's order & then proceeded to flee to another empire; like, the punishment for that is execution, what did he expect after rebelling? i feel extremely sorry for all his sons though, they didn't deserve this fate when they were just victims of their father's rebellion. also, unpopular opinion but bayezid is lowkey overrated pls don't cancel me i love him but he's annoying at times like all characters & no one really acknowledges it back to selim, he was honestly very underrated. he was really slandered in the series and he didn't have any real support w/ him until nurbanu & sokollu. although hurrem did vouch for him to go to manisa, it was literally only because he was 'peaceful' [we can read that as untalented as well] and no harm would reach him because he wasn't a threat [i actually really liked this plan of hurrem's, tough & clever; only if she was actually supported in this]. even mihrimah, till the end, is quite unfair to him. he had a problem w/ alcohol & people telling him to just stop? like, it doesn't work that way? people have to suffer so much in order to stop their addictions & they're actually restricted from their addictions; selim was a prince, no one around him could restrict him [his parents could but they weren't w/ him in his provinces]. he did become politically active w/ nurbanu's growing ambitions & he took smarter, more cunning & dirtier measures than bayezid to win the throne. the battle for the throne was bloody; resorting to honour like mustafa did was obviously not the best decision & people insult selim for being cunning enough [or being influenced by cunning people] to win the throne. let's also keep in mind that selim didn't even have much of an interest for the throne until manisa & nurbanu. i also like his relationship w/ nurbanu. it paralleled suleyman & hurrem's w/ the concubine arcs but selim did end up being monogamous to her in the show. their chemistry was fantastic [props to engin & merve for their acting] and although i don't really enjoy the 'a woman makes a man strong & influences him in everything; good or evil' kind of take, i did enjoy their relationship [he also sometimes looked at her like she was this ethereal type miracle, appropriately so w/ her courage]. i like what the show did w/ bayezid's execution a lot, the whole scene was such a wonderful cinematic experience; the music, bayezid's agonizing screams, his sons falling one by one, selim crying because he didn't want it to end up this way, bayezid falling & his screams ceasing, selim's heartbroken face because he was always a soft person & he always loved bayezid;

ahh, what a scene, so much love for it. anyway, that's just my opinion; i think he's hated way more than he deserves, especially in comparison to other characters & he's actually one of my most favourite characters from s4 [but i honestly love all characters w/ their good & bad, mc has many complex characters & i live for it]. what do you think about selim? sorry if you got annoyed at the long ask, i can get really heated when talking about selim [especially in reference to his historical figure], hope you don't mind if❤ [if it is annoying i'll stop it]

(okay, I'll talk strictly about the show, since I don't feel like delving deep into historical waters. There is still stuff we don't know for sure and I do want to keep the line between show and history in my head, except for the similar themes.)

While he isn't particularly my favorite character, I appreciate MC Selim and he is a very interesting subject when it comes to analyzing him. I'm actually amazed with what the show did with him in the span of a season (and something, counting some S02B and S03B moments) - he was one of the most fleshed out characters in S04 and we could get a clear picture as to why he does what he does.

Some people consider his debut to be an insult, for it immediately showed some of his weaknesses, putting him in a bad light right out of the gate. But all I can see in this debut is a showcase of his predicament of the prince no one sees as a capable heir of the throne. It’s as if he sleeps with women and drinks as a coping mechanism he’s delved into, with Mihrimah having to do effort to snap him out of it. The Selim we see in the beginning of S04 is a hopeless person. He doesn’t have dreams and ambitions, it’s as if he’s a already a lost cause and he has no one to truly support him. Even Hürrem wanted to send him to Manisa not because she deemed him as worthy, but to use him as a shield in order to deceive her enemies and protect the actual favorite. That may seem like a clever plan, but in actuality, it failed spectacularly - not only did her enemies not get confused for a second and didn’t attack Selim at all, but she forgot to tell Bayezid why she did it and made Selim confused to the point of demotivation, because none of his brothers were truly happy with this decision and they were all opposing it, directly and indirectly. And while he may not show it that much, because of his more composed and pragmatic nature, Selim is sensitive to the opinions of his brothers and the people around him and their prevailing disapproval may be a part of why he became so different than the rest. It’s like no one wanted to get to know him.

Nurbanu’s entrance in Selim’s life is very cathartic in this aspect, for she actually worked with him and gave him the needed motivation and ambition to fight, awaking sides of him that were dormant for a long time. And yes, I do think that Selim’s pragmatism is something he always had, if the whole arrow incident in S03B where he sabotaged Bayezid’s arrow, which caused him to lose is any indication. 

{I don’t think that the quarrels Selim and Bayezid had when they were little are so much indicators of Selim’s personality as they are foreshadowing of their future conflict. Right, these quarrels are normal for siblings and Mehmet and Mihrimah also fought like that (heck, even little Mehmet and Mustafa had a fight once in S01 and that fight was used as the conflict of the remainder of that one episode), but they weren’t as frequent as the ones of Selim and Bayezid. I don’t know, it’s just the atmosphere of these scenes was different and hinted at something more. It could be because we know the historical events and we could see every tiniest bit of early sibling rivalry between them as build-up, but still, I always felt there just was something else. Like the whole arrow incident I mentioned, a presumably harmless little situation gains a whole other meaning later on. It sets up neatly Süleiman’s opinions of both of them (his reaction to apparent disobedience and the making of a scene by someone he doesn’t expect to, by which I mean Bayezid), Hürrem’s retroactive ignorance of a possible bigger enmity and the roots of the whole conflict. It’s not Selim deciding to sabotage Bayezid’s performance as a last resort, maybe knowing that he surely won’t do better than his brother (doing a pretty typical ,,prank’’ for a little, naughty kid) that is exemplary of his cunning later, it’s his validation and him getting away with it that eventually becomes it, just like how he ends up getting away with stuff in the next season. Selim definetly isn’t the instigator of all the fights, especially because Bayezid, thanks to his more impulsive nature, is much more likely to start a fight in the first place and contrasts to Selim’s overall better composure. Provokations among them were mutual and both were consistently throwing darts at each other, one after another. Their conflict is a very nuanced issue: while people try to play right and wrong, both sides were at fault one way or another. The conflict between them is mostly caused by insensitivity, favoritism and ignorance and the desperation of both to try to prove themselves to their parents and win their support, at the end of the day. Why did they always calm down in front of their mother? Not only because of their joint respect for her, but also because of these same attempts to earn her support. Even Bayezid, who obviously had to be sure of her support, wasn’t completely certain of it after Hurrem turned it on Selim for a while. Selim, on the other hand, obviously never felt her support, it’s like something was missing right from the start. Combine that with their completely opposing personalities and the whole system encouraging competition for the throne and there you have the inevitable ultimate conclusion. That’s why I also love the set-up, the pay-off and the aftermath of Bayezid’s execution. It may be historically inaccurate that Selim, not Süleiman, executed Bayezid, but when you think about it, it was the most logical thing that could’ve happened, ending their conflict with a heart-wrenching bow. I love the scene of the execution itself, too - the action, the dialogue, the direction, the character moments, the themes... I don’t know whether Selim loved Bayezid by that point, per say, after all they went through, but it was clear that he knew that he had to do it, that it couldn’t have ended any other way, but he was broken over it. He was aware that it was, ultimately, a sin, which would continue haunting him. He couldn’t catch a break afterwards, he couldn’t stop. All was solved, but at what cost?}

I love his dynamic with Nurbanu - they balanced each other off so well, their chemistry was amazing, such a power couple. Nurbanu’s biggest contribution is hiding some of his flaws and mobilizing him to fight. Her cold pragmatism ,,grounds’’ Selim’s softer side, she’s there to always remind him of the stakes of the game and to shut off the last ounces of his vulnerabilities after Hurrem died. He sure is influenced by her, but that doesn’t mean that he blindly takes her word for everything - he is always ready to call her out when necessary and assure her that there are lines she shouldn’t cross. Despite of her pleas, he kept having affairs with other women (that is honestly a trend with all the men of the show, but still..), he got mad at her after what happened to Huricihan and most notably, after he found out that she possibly stole his mother’s ring. A part of why their dynamic works so well is precisely this strenght of character and their awesome compatibility. 

I have heard affirmations that Selim doesn’t care about Mustafa, which... simply isn’t true? While they have the least scenes together and Selim is the one that considers him most as a rival and his most dangerous competitor for the throne (which would explain his startled reaction after Musti saved him from the janissary), it’s precisely Mustafa’s death that is the turning point of his character arc. He was upping his game slowly but surely and before then, but he didn’t do much in terms of attacks. Neither Selim, nor Nurbanu once considered attacking Mustafa, the supposed biggest danger to them, which I find respectable and admirable. The bomb with the death drops and then every hope about a fair game is abandoned. Selim gets the realization that being honorable won’t work. The only way to win is bend the system and play dirty. There’s no time for sitting around or looking nice. And even though Nurbanu realized this, too, as well as Selim, Nurbanu was always more inclined to act this way than him and now the righteousness of her methods were only getting confirmed. It was Selim that had to reach this end. Discovering that he is no longer allowed to show any kind of weakness. Every chance that appears on the horizon, he’ll take it. That brings him to his first true dirty plan - the trap he set through the fake Mustafa rebellion.

Speaking of which, the worst deed of Selim’s for me is connected to that rebellion. I know I may be very biased in this regard, since it affects my personal favorite character and isn’t as recalled as others, but I hated when, in Selim and Sokollu’s attempts to wash their hands from the pulled off stunt, Sokollu, his man, told SS that Mahidevran was giving money to the rebellion. Okay, it’s not said outright whether is this directly tied to Selim or it was something Sokollu himself came up with out of desperation or something (though it was hinted that both thought something through in a scene where both were saying that they should come clean out of this all somehow) and it’s not outrightly confirmed whether Mahidevran gave the money or not (I highly doubt she did it; not only because it would destroy her whole S04 arc and she would become, well... MCK Gulbahar, but also because after the messenger told her of her alleged blame in E129, her eyes widened in surprise.), but all it does is be the only explicit case where Selim indeed looks bad, for his proposal to return Mahidevran in the castle doesn’t seem to stem from genuine guilt and remorse, but rather a late and empty attempt to placate his own conscience. Oh, not to mention (for the upteenth time, sorry in advance) how the scene back in E58 where Hurrem tells Mahidevran that her kids will be there taking care for her when she’s alone, which was treated as some big foreshadowing in the show, as well, by both the voice of the S02B narrative and the fandom alike, loses its value even more with that framing, because Selim and Sokollu themselves brought her to this state in the first place!!! Despite it making sense anyway, it’s still such a disservice to Selim as a person both inside and outside of the writing. 

One aspect of Selim’s pragmatism I find most interesting is his ability to turn his enemies into allies, knowing exactly how to amass them and get them on his side, be it through giving them more money and promising them the world. These alliances are all opportunistic in nature and may not be as loyal as those of Mustafa’s or of Mustafa’s people (like Atmaca) with Bayezid, but I think Selim knows this and wants to keep them steady enough for the common goal. As for what kind of a padisah he’ll be.... I believe that state matters would be the least of his concerns, since he was shown to not care so much about them, compared to his other brothers (but then again, the show itself doesn’t put the political capability of the princes at center stage - their personal virtues are always the determining factor of what makes a good padisah and what doesn’t, more of a psychological outlook, if you will.) and he perhaps won’t plan as many campaigns or conquer as many territories, maybe he won’t be that successful at all, but his cunning would bring him advantage in front of his people, he will be at least a bit careful of who he’s choosing and won’t simply lose it in front of everyone, compared to Bayezid’s impulsive temper.

[I love Bayezid as a character, but the shadier aspects of his personality sure tend to be overlooked. While his anger is directed mainly at Selim and Suleiman, it often reaches such extremes to the point it becomes destructive and affects everyone. He doesn’t deserve his execution at all and most of his actions stem from a very sympathetic place, given how SS never truly gave him a chance and he went on the inevitable path, because he, just like Selim, realized that honor won’t work in this war, but took the opposite approach from Mustafa, direct rebellion. And predictably, both approaches didn’t work since Bayezid, too, was taken advantage of. While he didn’t get justice, the lead-up to his execution is a character arc of his and there are many reasons and events linking it all together and showing us why it took place the way it did.]

Selim’s dynamic with Suleiman is proof of how you can be presumably favored, but you have to work to get there. The reasons Suleiman favored him are very telling and sad and we see that he also doesn’t favor him because of any and all capabilities he may have, but because of his self-imposed distorted view of loyalty Selim has to do a lot to preserve, actually. He constantly has to make it so it looks like he’s loyal and obedient and doesn’t work behind his back. He doesn’t get the fullest appreciation from his father, as well, and I certainly feel it impacts him, in a way.

I agree that Mihrimah could be unfair to Selim. They weren’t that close and she had this open preference to Bayezid. Most annoyingly is when, in their confrontation in E139, which highlights even more their parallel sins, Mihrimah doesn’t seem to face that sin of hers when Selim calls her out on it. She has a reason to deeply resent him after what he did to Bayezid, but was offended when he reminded her of the crime she also committed. More solidarity on that front would be a bit better, at least a hint of like recognizing like even for a moment. (but maybe then her scene with Mahidevran later wouldn’t be as impactful? Huh.)

And lastly, about his drinking - Nurbanu tried to restrict him, but it’s true that such habits aren’t easy to give up on, especially knowing how his drinking is a coping mechanism as much as it is something he enjoys. He knows he shouldn’t do it, he’s told he shouldn’t do it, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t drink when he’s planning or scheming, but he keeps on doing it more and more with every problematic action of his. It’s an attempt to supress his otherwise strong conscience to the max, seeing how after his brother’s execution he apparently always took a drink when he was alone at night, fighting an inner conflict with himself. I don’t think there was a way he could stop doing it permanently in the show. It was a part of who he was, unfortunately or not. 

[rainbowvamp]

Gone and Back Again

Hello and welcome to chapter 5 of the manic creation that is my princess bride au. I’m slowly seeing my creative energy wind down, so the chapters for week three and four might be slightly more brief than this weeks and next week’s chapters are. It looks like there will be five for next week as well, but not all of them will fit the Albion Party prompts. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

~5100 words. (AO3 Link) 

Arthur and Morgana are our main dynamic today. (platonic) 

Warnings: suicidal ideation, depiction of depression, mentions of force feeding, memory loss, and non-consensual memory alterations. (All of this happens after the cut)  Further: Lots and lots of talk of marriage. And I don't know how marriage works in the long ago times, so if it doesn't make much sense, please excuse me. Merlin is a little sus this chapter, but it gets explained in chapter 7. Oh, in this AU Arthur and Morgana are not related in any way. Just in case you were worried about that.

---

Becoming the King’s Ward is even more suffocating that being the daughter of a Lord. She is always expected to be dressed in finery, she is almost never alone, and far too many men look at her. Arthur does his best to keep them away, but it becomes clear in late Autumn that Uther doesn’t intend for her to be Arthur’s wife. He invites a neighboring king and his very lovely daughter to the Samhain festival. 

Morgana is still seated in a place of honor, but her usual place beside Arthur is occupied by the Princess Vivian. The girl is so insufferable that it hurts to even think her name, and so Morgana does not spend much time speaking to her. 

Morgana’s lack of socializing is excused time and again by someone or other who says that she’d just lost bother her parents, last week, less than a month ago, only a month ago, only a few months ago… She doesn’t have to pretend to be happy, at least, but she knows the excuse will not last. 

Days pass and at Yule, a different princess is at the castle. This one stays for weeks because of the bad weather, and Morgana becomes a ghost in the palace. 

Uther calls her to his chambers one night, a nobleman she doesn’t recognize is also there, likely for the sake over own reputation. 

“Morgana, please sit.” Uther gestures to the place across from his desk, and she takes the seat gracefully, keeping her face cool and collected. “The Princess Elena has expressed concern for your wellbeing. She says you seem, despondent. I understand your parents death was very distressing, and no one expects your mourning to be finished, but I will ask this of you only once. You are to make sure the Princess Elena feels welcome here. She is very likely to become Arthur’s betrothed, and if you are to continue to stay here, you should become friendly with her. Do I make myself clear?” 

He thinks I want his son. She nods and smiles sheepishly. An act she had learned pleased him early on. “I understand, Your Majesty. I will make every effort to show her kindness and make her feel welcome, just as you welcomed me.” 

“Good girl.” He turned back to his papers and she stood, dismissed. 

Arthur is waiting outside the door for her.

“What did he say to you?” He fell into step beside he and she smiled wanly.

“He intends to marry you to Elena, and I should not be so cold to her if I would like to stay here.” 

“I would never let him turn you out. You know that.”

She and Arthur had built a tentative sort of alliance since she’d come to live in the palace. In keeping with that alliance, he took her hand in the guise of reassuring her, while slipping two gold coins into it. She placed them in the pocket of her dress. Beside the ring she had stopped wearing upon the king’s demand. 

“I don’t think you’ll have much of a choice.”

“I’d go with you.” He promises, and she laughs. 

“No you wouldn’t. Your loyalty is too bound to Camelot and it’s people.”

“You are a person of Camelot, aren’t you?” 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” 

They walk in silence until they reach Morgana’s chambers. At her door they stop and finish the conversation. “Princess Elena has no interest in marrying me. She wants to rule alone.” 

Morgana smiled, “Good for her.”

“Yes. You should still be nicer to her.” 

“I am nice!” She said with a scoff. When Arthur raised an eyebrow at her she conceded, rolling her eyes. “I’m not any less nice to her than I am to you.”

“Yes, but I know you’re nice inside. Elena just thinks you hate her.” 

“I will smile at her at dinner tonight, will that make you happy?” 

“Immensely.” Arthur bows and kisses her hand before he goes, and Morgana make a very unladylike face of disgust at him. He does this to exasperate her and amuse himself, and she plays into it every time. 

—

The castle servants are not as kind as the ones from her home, or as loyal. Not to her, at least. Her stash of coins is discovered and taken, and the King is cold to her for many days. Each stash of coins she manages to acquire receives a fate much the same, until Arthur starts hiding the coins for her. His servant doesn’t take coins, but he does manage to “put away” every bit of traveling supplies Arthur manages to help her acquire. 

Eventually, she gives up. Spring comes and goes, then another Winter. She mourns the loss of her freedom almost as much as she mourned Lancelot. Eventually the hopelessness gets the better of her, and she takes ill. Arthur visits her everyday, and at first she can muster the occasional conversation, but as time passes she finds she has the will to speak to him less and less, and eventually, she goes quiet. He is good, and kind. The last thing she intends to do is bless him and wish him well when she thinks that she will die. 

She doesn’t die. 

Uther calls physicians from every corner of the Kingdom to come and tend her, and promises the position of court physician to anyone who manages to cure her. She’s poked and prodded, and Arthur is by her side as often as he can be. She doesn’t trust these strange men and so she’s always grateful for his presence, even if she doesn’t say so. She wishes they would just leave her to die, but her body is too heavy to move, and her mind too clouded to protest. 

Her dry lips barely part to take a little water. She can’t eat, and her sleep is fitful. 

She goes through nearly a dozen physicians before one, Merlin Emerys, finally cures her. 

“Take this.” Is all he says to her, not even bothering to do a physical exam.

She is laying on her side, curled in on herself, much the same position she’s been in all afternoon. She doesn’t reach fo the medicine when he offers it, and only his assistant, Gwen, can coax her into motion.

“He looks very young, doesn’t he?” Gwen asks as she smooths hair back from Morgana’s face. “He is, but he is very knowledgeable. Studied with all the best physicians in the five kingdoms. Here, let’s sit you up.” Gwen takes her under the shoulders and props her up. Arthur moves forward and adjust her pillows so she can lean against them, taking Morgana’s hand to help her shuffle back against them in the bed.

Her whole body hurts, aches with the motion. She feels hopeless, like nothing will ever be right again, and the only reason she doesn’t protest is because there is no point. She’ll just be force fed whatever concoction he has for her if she does. That was what happened with the first physician who had come to see her. 

She can’t focus on anything that’s happening, she just takes what she’s given, letting Gwen give her medicine. She drinks and the bitterness she is expecting never comes. Whatever this tincture is, it’s sweet, and there is just enough of it for a few sips. She swallows it down and then Gwen lets her go, lets her rest against the pillows and returns to Merlin’s side. 

Arthur and Merlin bend their heads together and whisper to each other. Arthur’s shoulders are tense, hunching inward, while Merlin speaks low and easy. Gwen stays beside him all the while, but says nothing. There is no ring on her finger, so she is not his wife. Morgana wonders idly if they are involved.

It’s the most interest she’s had in anything in months. 

Arthur sees Merlin out of the room, and a servant comes in to bring Morgana something to eat. She finds that she is starving, and she eats everything given to her. It was a small amount of a wide array of food, the castle staff having been told to prepare anything and everything they thought might make her eat. She eats all of it, and Arthur watches her with wide eyes. 

“What?” She asked when she finally stopped eating long enough to see her friend. The servant who had brought her dinner was out of earshot, straightening the room, but Arthur looked at her and held his tongue. Morgana watched his eyes, and then nodded, understanding. He sat beside her bed and took her hand in his. 

When the maid moved further away to get Morgana’s bath water, Arthur leaned close to her and whispered, “The potion is already working. I’m afraid it is not just medicine he peddles.” 

Morgana raised her eyebrows at the accusation, but Arthur shook his head, looking to the maid again. “I’m glad you’re eating well. I hated watching you be force fed.”

“You could have stopped it.” She reminded him, in fact, she had begged him to stop it, weak and breathy from too little time spent speaking in too many days. 

“You would have died. I hated it, but I would not see you dead.” 

“The kingdom will talk. The Crown Prince favoring an orphaned girl.”

“And orphaned Lady. It’s hardly out of character.” 

“It is out of line with your father’s plans for you. Which princess does he like for you think season?”

Arthur laughed. “Princess Mithian.” 

Morgana had never met princess Mithian. She found she wanted to, if only to compare her to all the other princesses that she had seen paraded in front of Arthur.

It was one of the first things she’d wanted to do in a long while.

“Get out.” She said, her voice stronger than it had been in weeks. “I need to dress.” 

“It’s late afternoon.” 

“And dinner is soon. I need to dress. Get out.” 

Arthur laughed, and squeezed her hand as he stood, gesturing the maid over to help Morgana out of bed for the first time of her own accord in days. 

—

The Lady Morgana goes down to eat dinner with the Prince and the King for the first time in a month that evening. Uther immediately calls for a servant to bring him Merlin, who he assigns the position of court physician. For the first time in weeks, Morgana smiles brightly, and whatever the man has done, Uther is glad for it. 

Morgana eats heartily, almost unbecomingly heartily, but neither Uther nor Arthur begrudge her the meal. She is boney, and her dress is loose from the weight she’d lost in her sickness. She is to eat to her heart’s content. 

The food Morgana eats tastes divine. For weeks everything in her mouth felt like ash and nothingness. Now the warm sting of wine and hot vegetables feels like home, like life, and she is eager to take it all in. 

Uther asks her questions, and she is eager to speak, happily chatting about her intentions to take a morning ride, her desire to return to her studies, and even her desire to start looking for a husband. 

This catches Arthur by surprise. 

Morgana has not spoken of a husband of her own accord except to speak of her dead love, Lancelot. Something about this is strange. 

When dinner is over, Arthur excuses himself and goes to find the Court Physician, Merlin. 

“What did you do to her?” Arthur finds Merlin in the court physicians chambers with his assistant, Gwen. Merlin is wide eyed and watchful when Arthur enters his room.

“I gave her a medicine to heal her mind. She is better now, yes? Eating, active, back to her usual self?” 

“Yes.” Arthur doesn’t dare make an accusation without more proof, but the wary way that Merlin’s assistant watches him makes Arthur think that he is on the right track. “I haven’t seen her this happy since before her parent’s deaths.” 

“Grief can sometimes be so deep that it dulls everything else. What’s the point of food when you’re in so much pain you can’t fathom going on?” 

Merlin sounds so wise, so knowledgeable, when he speaks, but Arthur is suspicious. 

“If you say so. Well, whatever you’ve done. Thank you.” 

“I live to serve.” The physician waits for Arthur to leave, but he doesn’t go without sizing Merlin up first.

He would be able to take him in a fight, if needs must. 

—

Time goes by and Morgana is happier than Arthur has ever seen her and while he is glad for it, his suspicions never waver. 

They are never left alone anymore, upon his father’s insistence. With Morgana’s willingness to speak of marriage, he thinks maybe he’s trying to discourage anything untoward between them. This makes it hard to ask Morgana the question he so desperately needs an answer to. He sees hints of it, but he doesn’t find hard proof of anything. She doesn’t stare off in the distance like she once did. She smiles like she has no worries. She never slips her hand into her pocket to touch Lancelot’s ring. 

Merlin is a good court physician. He can heal almost any ailment, or at the very least help the patient be comfortable. Gwen is also very competent, though she is quiet. She doesn’t talk much to the other servants, as he’s heard from George. Or, as he’s made George tell him in his own quest to wheedle out whatever information he can about Merlin. 

Merlin is a hard nut to crack. The man’s face never falls, always tranquil, always sure of himself. Even in the most dire circumstances, he is easy-eyed and softly smiling, like he expects everything will just go his way eventually. 

Uther eats it right up. 

Arthur doesn’t dare make his suspicions known until he has proof, and even then he thinks he’ll have a hard time having a man killed who’s done so much good, but a year on and he still doesn’t know what’s wrong with Morgana. Between his new and increasing duties as a knight and the crown prince, and Morgana’s now constant activity, he barely has time to speak to her, let alone discern what the problem might be. 

He has nearly a whole sack of gold coins discreetly saved before he mentions to Morgana that if she wishes to leave, soon she might be able to.

When Morgana smiles serenely at him and says she has no wish to leave, Arthur knows that something is wrong. And he can’t do anything about it. 

—-

Morgana’s parents have been dead for two years, a plenty adequate mourning time, when Uther starts suggesting matches. First a Lord’s son that Arthur knew to be a cad. Next a young Lord who was fine but very bland. After that, a prince from a neighboring Kingdom who had caught word of Morgana’s beauty and shown interest.

All of these men Morgana entertained, smiled at, was polite to, far more polite than she had ever been to Arthur before her mind sickness. She made them smile and completely enthralled them, only to turn down each proposal made, all smiles and apologies. 

That, at least, gave Arthur some comfort. 

But after a year of failed courtings, three years in the palace, people were starting to talk. Morgana is 21 and people start to call her unlovable. They don’t say such things about Arthur, and he is nearly 23. It seems unfair to him, that people are so cruel. 

“If this keeps up, you might have to marry her, Arthur,” Uther said in passing once, rubbing his temple while he read an angry letter sent by yet another lord turned down by the Lady Morgana. “Gorlois used to speak of her unwillingness, but I never expected she’d be so brazen about it here.” 

Arthur doesn’t think before he speaks, going over the grain reports from the latest council meeting in more detail. “Is that an option?” 

The soft sound of Uther setting down the letter he’d been reading draws Arthur’s attention up from his own. 

“Is that something you would consider?” Uther had made no secret of his distaste for Arthur’s own reluctance to marry. Uther, of course, hadn’t been married until he was almost 26, but he often forgot that. 

“Maybe. If she was amenable.” Arthur shrugs. It would save them both a lot of trouble, at least. They were good friends, Arthur would never press for a physical relationship, and their marriage would be in name only. For Morgana’s sake, it would probably be the least painful option. Arthur wouldn’t mind not having his father trying to force him to fall in love with new women every season either. 

Of course, there was still the question of status. 

Uther doesn’t respond, but Arthur can feel the king’s eyes on him long after he’s gone back to reading over the grain report. 

—

A month later, while they are having dinner, Uther asks Morgana if she has any interest in courting Arthur. Considering this is right in front of Arthur, he’s quiet embarrassed, but Morgana only smiles, laughs, and says, “Arthur is one of my dearest friends.” 

“Dear friends make the best husbands.” He raises his brow at her, watching her every reaction. She looks over the table at Arthur, who smiles, shrugs. They don’t get much time to talk now, but maybe if they were courting, he would finally have time to get to the bottom of Morgana’s drastic change in demeanor. 

“Well, I suppose there’s no harm in courting. It can always be broken if we don’t agree with each other?” She looks at Arthur when she asks this question, and Arthur nods, solemn. 

Uther grins and claps his hands together. “Excellent.” He just seems happy to have two problems off his hands all at once. 

And Morgana’s unwillingness to marry had been a problem. Rumors started to fly that she’d been holding out for the prince since their first meeting, wrapping him around her finger for three long years until he had no choice but to beg Uther to court her. Morgana never mentions these rumors, and so neither does Arthur. 

Morgana’s early morning ride is now accompanied occasionally by Arthur, and George. They sometimes take their breakfast alone, save for a chaperone, usually the Lord Agravaine, who had also been seeing over Morgana’s lands. 

It’s on one of their shared rides that Arthur manages to tell her that he won’t expect anything “wifely” out of her if they do end up married. Morgana just smiles and nods, shrugs like this doesn’t particularly bother her. 

This is too far. And so he tests her. 

“Where do you keep his ring, now?” 

She blinks and looks at him. “What?” 

“His Ring. Lancelot’s ring. Where do you keep it?” 

She looks at him blankly, blinks a few times, and then shrugs. “I forget.” 

I forget. A woman so distraught at the loss of her love that she’d been willing to leave behind everything she knew with no money and only the dress on her back, but she’d forgotten the last thing that she’d received from him? This was why she felt better after the potion was drunk, he was sure of it now. She’d been made to forget the things that caused her pain.

But still she’d refused to marry. The love ran deep for her. Arthur wouldn’t pretend to understand it, but he respected it none the less. 

“It was that damn physician who did this to you.” Arthur muttered, but Morgana was unaffected, distracted by the buzzing of a few nearby bees, smiling. 

He wonders if this was what Morgana was like with him, this Lancelot fellow she’s so lost without. He hopes she was. That he brought her joy with whatever time they had together. 

Arthur has a physician to see, so he ends their ride early, despite Morgana’s protests. 

George is glad to be heading back, at least. 

—

As soon as they return, Arthur storms the court physicians quarters and confronts Merlin about what he’s done to Morgana. Merlin holds firm that he’s done nothing magical, and has only given a sick girl medicine to make her better.

“How is it better to forget your love?” 

“She was dying for him, Arthur. Doesn’t your friend deserve a chance to live her life, free of pain?”

“Life is full of pain. You can’t simply get rid of it. What sort of heartless bastard are you?” 

Merlin’s eyes flash with anger and maybe something else, but before Arthur can get a good look at it, Gwen, his assistant, takes Merlin by the elbow and reminds him they have a pressing appointment with an expectant mother in the lower town. 

Arthur lets them go, but he doesn’t forget that interaction. 

—

For a year he courts Morgana, and finally, at Yule, he makes a public proposal. She accepts, as she had agreed she would weeks before, and the Yule celebration becomes a celebration of their engagement. Their wedding is set for Samhain of the next year. The wedding of the crown Prince and the King’s only son is going to be a giant affair, the whole of Camelot will rejoice in it. 

At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling him. Morgana seems content enough to marry him, though he can’t help feeling distraught where this marriage is concerned. Morgana isn’t in her right mind without her memories of Lancelot completely intact, or blocked off, or dimmed, or whatever it is that damn sorcerer has done to her. 

So, finally, Arthur goes to Merlin and demands he lift the spell on Morgana.

“My Lord, I haven’t cast a spell on her. I gave her medicine. Medicine that saved her life, might I remind you. Even if I could simply reverse it’s effects, which I can’t, she would only be right back where she was when I gave it to her, wasting away with mind sickness.” Merlin’s face, when he says this, shows no remorse, not a hint of anything resembling pity. He just looks… blank. 

Arthur hadn’t wanted to hear this. He grit his teeth and closed his eyes, trying to collect himself. “What exactly did your medicine do?” 

“It blocked some of her ability to feel emotional pain. She still has all her memories, if that’s what you’re worried about. She simply doesn’t hurt when she thinks of them.” 

“You say that like it’s not a terrible thing.” 

“I’m a physician. My whole life is dedicated to easing people’s sufferings.” 

Arthur is very glad Gwen isn’t here. He’d feel terrible starting a fight in front of a woman. 

Arthur clocks Merlin in the mouth for the blasé way that he talks about taking Morgana’s feelings from her. “I want you out of this castle. We’ll find a new court physician. Whatever your remedies are, I don’t want them for my people.” 

Merlin glared but didn’t say anything back. Arthur stormed out of the room and only once he was down the hall did the commotion start in the physicians quarters. 

Arthur felt satisfied, then, that at least he’d gotten a rise out of the man. 

—

Uther gives him grief about firing the court physician, but when Arthur stands his ground and says he doesn’t like the way the man behaves, Uther simply nods and agrees to send the man, and his assistant packing. 

He hadn’t held out much hope for the possibility that Morgana would return to her old self when the man was gone, but when three days passed and Morgana still seemed unbothered, mood entirely unchanged, Arthur’s last little bit of hope died.

He promised himself that he would do right by her, then, and committed himself to honoring the memory of her love. He’d make sure to remind her regularly, even use the ring Lancelot had given her as her wedding ring, if she wasn’t opposed to the idea. 

—

Their engagement goes well, and Morgana throws herself into the wedding preparations. She seems to be enjoying herself, and Arthur is glad of that, at least. They eventually find a new court physician, a wisened old man named Gaius. Arthur takes his suspicions about Morgana to the man, but he claims he can do nothing for it. Even so, something about the look on his face makes Arthur suspicious. 

He sits down to breakfast with Morgana in his chambers, and while his manservant is attending to business on the other side of the room, he takes her hand in his to get her attention.

Morgana looks away from her breakfast and smiles easily at him. He would be a liar if he said he wasn’t glad Morgana smiled more now than she had years ago, but something about it always felt wrong. Knowing she was being forced to suppress the memories of her dead love made that feeling of wrongness infinitely greater.

“I’ve said this before,” He started, and she raised an eyebrow, curious, but without any bite. He used to quite like that she was always subtly making fun of him. “But I feel the need to say it again, with the wedding just a few weeks away. Morgana, I will not expect anything of you in this marriage. I do care for you, but I don’t love you anymore than you love me. You will be an excellent queen, and I’m grateful to have you by my side, but this is a marriage of friends, and equals.” Despite our differences in stations goes unsaid, but not unheard.

Morgana’s smile becomes softer. “I know you don’t. I wouldn’t be marrying you if you did. I-“ She stopped, trailed off, really, blinking like she was blinking away some thought she couldn’t be bothered to remember. “The preparations are going splendidly, anyway. It will be a beautiful ceremony. Unfortunately large, but it can’t be helped. We can’t refuse anyone an invitation.” 

The way her mind changes track from the aftermath of the marriage to the wedding itself worries him, and he thinks that he should’ve pushed harder for a cure of some kind. But he dared not do anything that might alert Uther that he suspected an enchantment was placed on Morgana. Uther’s intolerance for magic had extended to those under its influence before, and he wouldn’t risk Morgana’s life like that.

“No, I suppose not. Any friends you’re looking forward to seeing?” 

Morgana laughed, “Other noble ladies have never liked me much, I ruffle their feathers.” She pulled her hand away from his and went back to her breakfast, but Arthur was not quite done.

“I want you to use Lancelot’s ring, as a tribute to him.” He watches her carefully when her body stills, eyes distant as she looked down at the fruit she’d just speared with her fork. Again, she blinks away a thought and smiles. 

“I don’t know where it is.” She smiles, but it’s tight. “I haven’t even thought of it in years.” 

“Would you like me to help you look for it? It might be nice to have.” Even if she says no, he thinks he’ll try to convince her to find it. Maybe whatever connection it gives her will help bring her back from whatever spell Merlin put on her.

“Maybe,” She says it like she can’t be bothered either way. He swallows and nods.

“Let’s look for it. You used to love it so much. I’d like you to wear it again, once we’re married.” 

“The wedding is in just a few weeks, and I haven’t seen that ring in years. Do you really think we’ll find it in time?” One of her eyebrows raises, a question, and maybe a challenge.

“How hard can it be? It’s probably in with the rest of your jewelry.”

Morgana laughed wholeheartedly now, still delicate enough for a lady, but very obviously laughing at him.

“What?” He asked, and she just shook her head.

“I don’t think you realize how much jewelry you’ve given me over that last two years. Your courting gifts are very unoriginal.” 

—

Sure enough, her vanity and another separate chest are both full of Jewelry. She goes through her vanity while Arthur checks the chest, but neither of them find it. Morgana gives him a knowing sort of “didn’t I tell you” look, but Arthur is determined. Morgana is his friend and that ring is important to her, whether she remembers it or not. He will not see it lost forever to time and a terrible curse. 

“Alright, fine. So it’s not with your jewelry. Check the pockets of your dresses, then. I’ll look under the bed.” 

Morgana laughed at him again. “You really think I’d find it in a pocket after all these years? Surely a laundrywoman would have taken it out and put it with my things.” 

He leveled her with a gaze that brokered no arguments. “Humor me.” 

She rolled her eyes at him, and at least this teasing felt a bit like the Morgana he’d known for a short while before she’d been influenced. 

Arthur got to his hands and knees, then down to his stomach, to look beneath every piece of furniture in the room. The bed, the night stands, the wardrobe. He even looked behind her changing screen and under the empty tub, but there was no ring in sight. 

The rustling of fabric at the wardrobe stops and Arthur looks around the privacy screen to see Morgana, standing frozen at the door, head bent, eyes locked on something Arthur can’t see.

He gets up and approaches her quietly, trying not to startle her. 

“Morgana?” He asks when he’s still a few feet away, trying to see around the wardrobe doors to what she’s holding, but his vantage point is no good. He moves to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder. 

In her pale, shaking hand, lies a dull, tarnished ring. The band is far too wide to be fitting of a noble lady, let alone a queen, and the stone doesn’t glitter so much as gently diffuse light. He’s seen it only a few times before, after his father banned her from wearing it, but he thinks this must be it.

“I found it.” When she whispers it, her voice is choking. He gently turns her toward him and there are tears in her eyes. When she looks up at him, he sees every ounce of pain he remembers from their first meeting, and maybe more, laced with years of regret. “I can’t marry you.” 

Arthur nods, feeling tears prick his own eyes as he pulls her into a hug. “We’ll figure something out.” He promises, and she sobs into his shoulder, soaking his shirt through. He pats her on the back and swears that he won’t force her to be married to him. Not on his life. 

He explains his suspicions of Merlin to her, and when she goes to bed that night, she’s distraught. The next morning she goes for her daily ride without him, presumably to think, and she never returns. 

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Ghosts’ Journey (End): The Biggest Assholes of Black Swan Bay

Because my Fanfic uses a blended version of the game and the original Black Swan Bay Lore, I had to reconfigure the relationships between the 3 Black Swan Bay surviving orphans as jolly rivals, friends and siblings. While their relationship is devoted and loving, growing up in an environment like that doesn’t create Polly-anna characters. I hope you agree and enjoy what I have created here.

The hardest thing about restraining emotions was controlling your breath.

Adrenaline shot liters of blood through your body at high rates and required you to breathe at high rates. If you didn’t, you could go dizzy or pass out.  Your heart quivered with her name and your vision went blurry. Renata… Renata!  The secret you learned was to yawn. A deep inhale, a big stretch and a slow exhale could effectively throw a wrench in the stress loop without blowing your cover. You blink rapidly to clear your eyes, finally let out a big, rude yawn and look completely bored, rubbing at them as though sleepy.

Renata was now Zero. She was likely in disguise to hide from Herzog.  It made sense for her to be after him too. She couldn't contact you but she was here now because your paths were always on the same trajectory.  It's just now that they happened to cross.

You were best friends in the past, but also rivals in combat. To those unaware of her abilities, you and Renata would be pretty evenly matched. But Renata had the skill of deep analysis. The longer you fought, the more she could analyze you and the more she analyzed you the less likely your chances of victory became. You would seem evenly matched and then she would just take you apart like you were an amateur.

She’d somehow survived the gunshot wound and the bombing. She’d somehow infiltrated Cassell and Hydra. Her Black Swan Bay training and behavior would have quickly made her disappear among the rank and file of Hydra. You felt it would have made it easy for you to get inside and fit with Hydra’s militaristic structure after all. That’s why when she talked about how deep she had made it into Hydra’s organization, you knew it had to be Renata.

 "In the opinion of Hydra, they are close to total victory. The remaining job is to get rid of the remnants of the Devil Clan, and the King General is, of course, the highest priority target for removal, with you being a close second.” Renata continues to speak to Chime with the cold robotic reality. “You once tried to kill the King General, but in the opinion of the Hydra family, it was just an internal fight. You are an evil spirit, you have long since violated the Clan rules, and the Hydra clan cannot tolerate someone like you." Zero stared into Chime’s eyes, "Your brother also believes that you have no need to exist in this world. He has seen the evil side of you with his own eyes."

"When you spell it all out like that, things do seem hopeless, don't they?" You turn to Renata as if she'd just lectured you like a schoolteacher. The sibling rivalry between two old friends warms up your heart and calms the panicked and fevered response of your sudden reunion. 

She thought she knew everything and she did know a lot. You were impressed yet again. Renata had spent all this time on the pulse of Hydra, but she didn’t understand Chisei the way Chime did. She shadowed Bondarev's puppet while you followed Herzog's puppet. And it was Herzog's puppet that was the key. You were third behind her, but that is an elite ranking that could shift and be challenged. 

You could not wait to hug her fiercely. But like most precious things in Black Swan, you would have to do so in secret. Her cold disheartening words to Chime reminded you of your rivalry and you wouldn’t be bested by throwing open your arms and sobbing like a naïve child.

“Although there is no proof, I will still do my best to convince my brother." Chime said slowly, "This is the only chance."

"You think we need his power?" Caesar asked.

"No, this is the only chance I have to reconcile with my brother." Chime said softly, "He was determined to be a friend of justice, so he couldn't accept his brother who was an evil spirit. For so many years, I never met with him again. Sometimes I hate him, but we are the only ones in the world who are truly family. Just because of my bloodline, he killed and abandoned me in a well? What in the world is more important than the fact that he is my brother and I am his brother? Justice? What is justice? I don't think there is any justice in this world. Those are just words that adults make up to fool children. But he believes that he can give up everything for the sake of justice. Is his kind of person just or ruthless?"

Everyone was silent, heavy with the sadness of his words. You couldn’t kill Chance even after he lost control. You only held out hope that he would snap back to normal. But Chisei killed him. Yes, you felt it was ruthless.  Not just. 

"But more than that, I was afraid to face him. I was afraid of the way he looked at me. That I made him feel dirty. I thought that I would never be my brother's friend, that I would only be his enemy. I have done more bad things than just the murder case in the village. I am the Dragon King of the Devil Clan, and I have the blood of many people on my hands. How can I go back to face him?

"But just today I suddenly figured out something. Why did I want to kill the King General so badly? It is not only because I hate him, but also because it's the only thing I can use to ask my brother for mercy. I wanted to cleanse my own mistakes with the blood of the King. Then maybe there could be a slight chance that I can become his fellow traveler again. But I failed. I can't do anything anymore nowadays. Ruri Kazama is still a useful person for my brother, Chime Gen is not. But even so, I still want to reconcile with my brother. I will tell him everything I know, and, as for my future, it is up to him to decide. If he decides to kill me, it will be the right end for me. I have killed so I will be killed, is there anything more fair in the world than that?"

You look up at him with uncertainty. He wasn’t thinking of throwing his life away was he? No. Chisei won’t kill him. Because… 

You suddenly understand where his train of thought was going. Chime was weaker but he was still very smart, able to weave his words to great effect, just like you.

 Chime bowed deeply: "Thank you for all your care these days. You did not treat me as a stranger. Except for you, only those girls who met me by chance would treat me as normal."

"Have you thought it over? If your brother really decides to execute you, Cassel Academy can't shelter you, Japan is your brother's territory." Caesar said to Chime with some concern.

"I have thought it over. It is true that the danger is great, but there are always people in this world with whom one has to reconcile no matter how much one hates them. Because without them, you will not even be able to talk about life."  Chime was silent, looking at Caesar, Chu Zihang, ‘Zero’, Lu Mingfei and Fingel. But there were no more questions. “And to that end, as a precaution, I would like to inform you that MC and I will wed tomorrow.”

Caesar’s eyebrows raise to his hairline. 

Lu Mingfei jumped up with his eyes wide at you. “What? You're marrying him? You hardly know each other!”

“That’s not the point.” ‘Zero’ grumbled, crossed her arms and looked away. She knew exactly what you were doing. Internally, you stick your tongue out at her.

Fingel was stunned and then he grinned. His arms shot up into the air. “YES!”

Caesar slowly mouthed the word ‘Wow’. “You were just waiting to throw that out there weren’t you, Chime? No wonder you're so confident.”

Chu Zihang nodded, though he seemed to be hesitant to completely endorse the plan. "At a celebration like that, it will be harder for him to reject you."

“Hey, don’t get us wrong. I love Chime. I don’t want to wait and I want things to go well. I’m sure you understand, Caesar.” You say, keeping your earnest character and trying not to cackle like a villain.

Lu Mingfei continued to sputter. “But… MC! Where are you getting married? You’re not planning on having a wedding in a … place like this?”

“Where else would I have it?” You blink at him.

“This place is.. Uh… well… it’s not very uh…”

“Pure?” You grin. “Well, Chime and I practically have the same father figure. So isn’t it kinda like marrying your step brother? Why would getting married in a women’s club be what you immediately point to as impure? If anything, it’s the cleanest part about this... in fact-”

Lu Mingfei clapped his hands over his ears. "I don’t want to hear any more!”

"MC,  be nice…" Caesar drawled. "So it's settled then?" Caesar tossed the car keys on the bar, "Tomorrow night right here, we negotiate with Gen Chisei at MC’s and Chime’s Wedding, which amounts to a negotiation between the Academy and Hydra."

"We can negotiate with the leader of the Hydra on behalf of the academy?" Chu Zihang frowned, "If we make any wrong decision, it will be counted against the academy."

"No, if we make any wrong decision, we can only bear the result ourselves." Caesar lit a cigar, took a deep puff and exhaled green smoke, "Everyone has to pay the price for what they do. If we believe in the wrong Gen brother, or if Chime’s judgement is wrong, the result has to be counted on us."

 "Zero said that the Hydra opened the Well of Bones, but until we find the sacred skeleton, it’s too early to confirm that the White King is really dead. That thing is different from any opponent we have encountered before. It lives by devouring souls. As long as humans still have greed for evolution, it can always find a way to resurrect." Chu Zihang said, "If the White King completely awakens, it is unknown whether Tokyo will survive. There are tens of millions of people in this city. Can we decide the course of history?"

Everyone was silent.

“A wedding that will decide the fate of the world? How dramatic!” You just smile at the thought of Herzog salivating over his grand entrance to such a momentous event and pull your hair back behind your ear. What a perfect trap for Herzog. 

"Let's think about it, if it was not us in this position, but the principal, what would he do?" Caesar suddenly said.

“'Hesitation will only leave more time for the opponent to prepare.'" Lu Mingfei said. "'Mistakes happen, but a hero who makes a mistake is still better than a fool who didn’t try.' I've heard him say this." 

Caesar took out a bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet, poured it into glasses, and distributed a glass to each of you: "If Chime and MC can have the courage to meet Chisei Gen on the day of their wedding, then we should also have the courage to negotiate with the Hydra. I think we all are unanimous, right?"

"Since I'm the leader of this group, if we do something wrong, I'm the one most responsible." He drank the liquor in his cup in one go. 

Damn straight. If it weren’t for Caesar’s meddling and stopping you from running away, none of this would have happened! You take the whiskey and down it.

You would be counting on him to spring the trap for Herzog, but due to issues of ‘leaks’ you wouldn’t ask him what his plan was. He would take responsibility for that.

 Zero put down her glass: "You guys are sure you won't leave the nightclub now, right?"

“Yes, is there any question?" Caesar asked.

"Then call me an orthopedic surgeon, and I'll need a separate bedroom." Zero suddenly fell forward. The hand that had been gripping the edge of the bar was loosened. She had been relying on this hand to keep her balance, otherwise she wouldn't even be able to sit down.

Lu Mingfei swooped down to catch Zero. She was completely unconscious. The bandage covering her knee was soaked with blood.

"She's hurt badly! Damn it! We need to call the doctor!" Caesar untied the bandage and looked at it, frozen.

"There are metal fragments embedded in the bone!" Chu Zihang flicked on the light and did a brief examination.

It took everything in you not to run to her side. But Renata had made her statement clear. Reunions could happen later. She outranked you and you would obey out of both respect and the fact that she had carefully crafted this identity for who knows how long. You wouldn’t be a good friend of you ruined it.

 "She should have told us long ago that she has no sense of pain?" Caesar said.

No, Caesar, she was hurt this whole time, but once again, as a Black Swan Alum, she knew how to hide it. The nurses were cruel and merciless. If they were in the right mood, they would look for a child to beat to take it out on them and hear them cry. But because Renata and you learned to never cry, they would quickly grow bored of you. Eventually, they learned that it was useless to beat you and wouldn’t bother.

Renata adapted by just suffering without expression. You adapted by joking around with your tormentors until they laughed. Once they were laughing, their beatings would lose their ferocity and even stop completely. So Caesar could be forgiven for not sensing that Renata was close to passing out.

“Is she a friend of yours?” Chime was close to you. 

Your eyes were fixed on the scene before you and there was some tension in your hand as it held the glass. You loosened your grip and looked away. “No. I don’t know her.”

“She must be sent to the hospital!" Caesar said, "A wound like that has to be treated immediately, I'll drive."

"No, it's best not to move her and we shouldn’t leave the safehouse. Call an orthopedic surgeon like she asked.” You say loudly, commandingly. 

Everyone turned to you. Your voice and your demeanor suddenly resembled Zero’s! And even though you only met her for a few seconds, you were immediately deferring to her orders over Caesar’s!

Chu Zihang agreed, "In this case she has to lie flat immediately, the metal fragments are grinding her bones."

 "Why didn't you tell me earlier when the injury was so serious?" Lu Mingfei propped Zero up so she could lie flat on the sofa. 

You stare in shock.

Renata hated being touched by people she didn’t know! You were fine and Z was fine. Did Renata know Z’s brother? She had to. Even in her weakened state, if any of the others held her close like that, she’d knock them out!

"I had to make sure you wouldn't evacuate immediately. If you were going to leave, I'd still have to walk, and that wouldn't leave me time to see a doctor." Zero opened her eyes slightly. "I can't be useless. Useless people will be left behind."

You smile and duck your head as she recites Z’s little mantra. You had a lot to say to that girl. But now was not the time.

You get back to your room and it’s nearly 4 am. You can’t believe how much of a nightowl you were becoming. You wanted badly to talk to Z and give him a piece of your mind, but you hadn’t had time to look for the last bug in your room. Fingel was still recording everything you did in this space. So Z would not appear here. You put on Swan Lake again, sit down with a glass of vodka, and prop a cigar on the ashtray. You light it to smell the sweet tobacco smoke.

When Hydra researched you, they only found you were a ‘Siberian girl’ and did their best to make your room that of a Siberian girl. But Mingfei said that your world was composed of the people you know. And one of those people was Dr. Herzog. That’s why the smell of tobacco was relaxing. It was what relaxed you around Caesar… and the smell of it attracted you to Ruri Kazama and Chime.  You lift the glass if fine spirit. “Hm… A toast?”

Renata was here, you were here, Z was here. You’d imagined that they were all ghosts and you were just being emotional when you felt their presence. But they had all been here this whole time! Z had carefully hidden Renata from you and refused to give you much information. After all, you were still a low ranker. It was likely that Renata knew you were here too! Those jerks. You can almost see their smug, haughty, loving faces. You let out a soft little hiss and stand up again and pull two more chairs from the dining room table into the sitting room. Their ghosts sat down in the chairs.

“That’s better.”

With the ghostly figures of Z and Renata in your mind, in this secret place, everyone knew each other and deep down you feel the warmth of home for the first time. “As I was saying,” you raise your glass again. “Raise a toast!” You look at them all and shake your head. “To the glorious and bloody wedding! And… to the biggest assholes of Black Swan Bay!” You laugh and down shot after shot, not caring that Fingel was listening.

[blaster-aichi]

Cardfight!! Vanguard Extra Story IF 22 things

forgot to post this, heck

Aw, cute shopping trip because they feel things are drawing to an end, barrier or no —  [gets distracted by the little girl who looks just like Shingo]

Given the topic of conversation, felt Emi’s downcast expression was a hint of bittersweet realization that her time with Shuka is running down, then get smacked with even ruder sads.

There’s something massive ironic about Majesty Lord being pulled to the antagonistic side of battle after his role in the original Season 1 and embodying unification between Royal and Shadow Paladins when things get dire, now faced against the both of them.

Ren taught Shuka ‘Bukki’, bless.

Very appreciative of the explanation why Majesty Lord was so importaant to Shuka to Realize, though curious as to why he wouldn’t manifest in the first place.

MISAKI SIGHTED. Please don’t relegate her to post-Legion Mate Quatre Knights of voiceless cameos.

Side-eyes Emi for picking cards purely because of their cuteness, your friend’s calling you out.

With the truth of what led Aichi to ruling Sanctuary, Emi’s moment of finding no alternative but for the blame to fall on him is very relatable; at least some of us have been grasping at any explanation because we couldn’t imagine Aichi doing this of his own will, it’s incongruous with his character, and Emi may have been doing the same, but with options whittling down, she’s been forced to face that scenario that this has been all by his design and it upsets those of us who have been trying to figure out any other scenario, but to her, naturally it’s world-shattering.

How dare you fuckers use the same sads track from episode 7 where she was talking about the Aichi she knew.

He looks so worn down and I’m so upset.    — Even his tone when speaking reflects his exhaustion and reluctance to deal with shit. Please let me hug him.

Is this the first time he’s said ‘Toshiki’? Feels like this is the first time he’s said ‘Toshiki’.

Even when they don’t meet, fate crams them into one another’s heads. That’s gay. (But doesn’t go the Legion Mate route and make it a clean injection, both of them have become tremendously distressed and pained and I scream).

Takuto, you can’t just say that in front of him?!

Emi actually draping Aichi’s jacket over her shoulders is so cute, she really is giving it a piggyback ride. After he mentioning it aloud how he left it behind, half-expect returning it to be one of her first gestures once he’s brought out of his antagonist role.

Takuto’s referencing Outside World Aichi brings back thoughts of the previous theory that IF Aichi had been doing all this in an effort to reach outside IF, why do you hurt me in these ways after that backstory, Bushi? At the same time, Takuto needs shaking if he had any inclination that IF Aichi would have the mental fortitude to cope with that possibility existing elsewhere after a lifetime of loneliness.

The poor boy hid in the shadows and hunted for Kai-kun just to verify Takuto’s theory and torment himself more, sweetie no... Considering his methods for keeping his very existence from the potential of breaking the IF illusion, it’s consistent, but sweetie no...

Takuto onto Aichi’s bullshit. The post before this clarifies, but his solemn delivery and feeling responsible for accidentally instigating everything, would like to hope he’ll be able to make a move in helping to rectify Aichi’s state.

Two things: You’re saying he had nothing to pass on through Miwa? And why did he never contact Suiko or Rekka before? Because there was no certainty they were inside IF? Isn’t it apparent they would follow once he and Kourin never returned? Did he even try?

Sad Rena howling noises in the background.

If Aichi is banking on her saving him, never let him know there was a moment where it all got too much and Emi gave up on him.    — She’s doing the Misaki episode thing again.    — Though it’s understandable the guilt she must feel; they might be correcting the timeline, but she’s conveyed her feelings before that each iteration of a person isn’t any less valid than another; though Kai-kun has come to terms with and accepted that there is another version of himself in a “proper” timeline, the same is essentially true for Aichi and Emi, who for all we know, could/will vanish along with him. It might not just be Emi sympathizing with others and not wanting to write them off as incorrect versions, but trying to validate her own and her brother’s existences as well.

Suiko and Shuka are onto the price the group are going to pay regardless; the preview isn’t subtle about it. Whether it’s Shuka having to move onto another place where more cards are waiting for her to rescue them or something more final awaits her, it’s difficult to tell. Though the former is simply a part of her journey and might not evoke the sorrow from someone like Suiko, it might be a sore spot for her, particularly with everything she, Kourin and Rekka lost, faced with having to watch the same happen to someone else. But Emi herself seems already be aware of this, she’s a smart girl.

IF 23

Squad goals. Squad goals.

Aichi looks ready to straight up murder and have to wonder who taught you how to pull those faces, boy?

If you’re going to be fighting in the area, please keep the babies safe from harm. Who knows what they might see?

What space-time commotion did you guys cause to alert all the other major characters across the city?.

On the one hand, more Majesty Lord Aichi aaaaaaa. On the other hand, that episode title, screams. (Now are you guys directing that to Aichi, Kai-kun or Shuka? Sus)

This take on the “They Never Met” story:

It’s taken a while for the fact IF is taking the route it is with the story to sink in; a lot of thoughts and feelings are still incredibly jumbled, but here goes An Effort.

As someone who's childhood has a lot of overlap with Aichi’s, it’s incredibly painful to actually see him endure it without the beacon of hope that gave him solace and the toll it’s taken on him to endure it. Having a loving family and a sibling could alleviate the pain, there are fond memories with things with my family that don’t make my childhood an unending nightmare, and it’s apparent that he and Emi were particularly close; though understand that by 16, he’s exhausted by it all, pretty sure I was.

I want to believe that he was able to find at least one other hobby to keep his life from being completely devoid of happiness; reading, writing, art, a love of animal, photography, meeting people on the internet, there has to be something. There are plenty of outlets that could have channelled his imagination to keep it from building with no freedom. The lack of clarification about what he spent his time doing does nothing to help this belief or deter the fears that  he really never tried to find anything, and really hoping that’s able to change before the season is through.

But something about Aichi’s reasoning really doesn’t line up. He claims to be doing this so that he be the only one who has to suffer. And really struggle to fathom how he could think so when Emi and Shizuka, would and are suffering with him. Emi’s own pain has been right in his face and he’s turned away, he can’t be that narrow-minded to think she isn’t in anguish or that forgetting him would magically erase that of her or Shizuka.

My understanding (or interpretation, headcanon, what have you) of Aichi has always been that his unrelenting kindness stems from knowing well the absolute agony of complete loneliness and hopelessness, so he acts to help alleviate or prevent the same feeling upon others. Vanguard shouldn’t have any bearing on that trait staying with him or not; that’s something within Aichi, not created by one facet of his life that appeared one day, particularly when he’s even more familiar with such a rock bottom, even if the exhaustion of it weighs on him; he’s always put on a smile and done his best for someone else’s sake, no matter the cost to himself — and that is what he’s doing, but it’s incredibly difficult to believe he can only manage that demonstration of kindness towards others when he’s connected to or aware of Vanguard.

I can understand Aichi being worn down, I can understand him being a bit hostile and reluctant. But to lack his good heart and throw everything away, to put his family through the nightmare he has been, I can’t understand that, it just isn’t him. He isn’t that dependent on Vanguard to be a good kid.

With how vital the event and relationship are to both Aichi and Kai-kun, to explore the possibility that they would never meet is fascinating, but this feels like a lukewarm attempt at it, at least in regards to what this episode covered and that in itself is saddening, it feels like an incredible premise with wasted potential, just like Legion Mate. It saddens me immensely that this is how they tell that story, more so when it’s the last one we might ever have from this cast.

Late-Bloomer PsyAichi:

The only possibility, and this is very much a last-ditch at this point, draws on ideas from Override (is there an IF plan in the works? laughs with shovel maybe since the day before epi 1 aired), so chances are these might be as swiftly debunked as other ideas.

With the rapid influx of memories breaking through the IF illusion, Aichi’s imagination’s shackles were released, according to Takuto. The result was Psyqualia overloading Aichi, its poisonous nature of the original continuity repeating itself as a result of festering inside of him for years without usage.

By retaining this nature, it amplifies Aichi’s fixation on Kai-kun, maybe through an amalgamation of other PsyAichi remnants in line with the original continuity who became overwhelmed by that obsession blinding him to the pain that other characters have experienced through their connections with Vanguard or the suffering he’s putting his own family through to see IF secured.

His mind struggles to contend with the sudden explosion of power and his sanity withers when viewing possibilities that he was never granted, reinforced by Takuto’s claim that Kai-kun’s life is better as it is, of Aichi’s strength in those other worlds, of longing to reach his alternative selves and feel his existence holds any value. He doesn’t truly have control over himself as a result of this madness, which is why he refers to Kourin by just her name.

How Sanctuary itself formed, there’s just nothing that comes to mind. Unless IF has special properties that just haven’t been explained that allow for more supernatural events to occur — like Sanctuary’s appearance, the battlegrounds that don’t inflict real world damage on their sites — can’t really wrap head around how Aichi was able to create it.

The original distortion’s root:

Something else that still doesn’t make sense is Shuka being led to Blaster Blade as a withering existence. And as Aichi himself never played a part in that, the past couple of weeks had had me suspicious of Nome, and other fans have been pointing fingers his way as of late. His disappearance in episode 1 hasn’t been addressed, and it’s odd for him to so briefly show up only to seemingly play no part.

It’s just a possibility, but he, whether tainted by something Brandt or sibling jealousy, tampered with the Akashic Records to lure Shuka in and cause the accident that prevented Kai-kun and Aichi from meeting, shaping IF Aichi’s life to keep him from deviating from a path that Nome had set for him, using someone else’s brother (and someone known to be a powerful force is let loose) as a weapon.

If Brandt has a part in any of this, perhaps he infected Aichi with it, to allow it/his Psyqualia/imagination to overload him when exposed to the truth beyond IF.

This is all just grasping at straws at this point because really struggle to see Aichi doing this of his own accord and I believe him to be better than this, I want to believe the writers do too.

[sloppy-butcher]

Lost in the Woods

Dwight Fairfield X Killer!Reader

Notes: i’ve been meaning to write my first survivor x reader fanfic and i wanted it to be specifically for dwight, so when @highdwightofmylife posted an April calendar thing i knew that i couldn’t resist. i won’t be partaking of the whole event but i will be doing the days/ characters that i love. call me bais, idc >:) as always, the reader will remain gender-neutral with their killer-specific abilities also remaining as ambiguous as possible. the only thing that will be known about the reader is that they are much taller than dwight. much

may dwight bring you hope and comfort in the darkness <3

word count: 3273

TW: mentions of death

The overpowering whispering of the black hole that lay before your feet sang loudly through your head. Its words unintelligible, its existence unexplainable. And yet there it was. The Hatch was what the others called it but to you, it was the coward's way out. Not in the sense that it allowed those who didn’t work, through sweat, blood, and terror, for their lives to escape scot-free but because it always left someone behind. And right now, you knew exactly who that unlucky, forgotten soul was.

You could have closed it, slammed your foot to the floor and seal the lid of the underground tunnel for the remainder of the trial until you found your last victim. An easy win on your half. But something stopped you. Something always stopped you. And that something was always that last survivor. You sigh and begin to step away from the hatch, taking long, confident strides to a certain location where you knew he would be hiding. He was predictable, stubborn in this mundane and stupid ways. The grass of the Macmillan Estate crunched under your feet but other than that, the world around you was silent, still and empty of watchful eyes. No one would see what you were about to do, no one would know, save for yourself and the man still desperately hiding away in a red locker.  

You made your way to the building near the edge of the realm and approached the only place he could be hiding in. Your eyes locked on to the object and even as you made the clear indication that you knew exactly where he was, the man remained inside. You halted outside the large cabinet and you could hear his muffled breathing, he was in there and he was still clinging to the fleeting and hopeless belief that you hadn’t found him. You waited a moment longer, giving him one last chance to jump out and accept his fate but after he showed no sign of budging you reached out and yanked the door open.

Before you cowered a man clad in a dirty, bloody shirt and black pants. His glasses slipped ever so slightly to the side of his face and his tie hung limp and defeated around his neck. He was a poor sight indeed. He let out a surprised and terrified shriek as you revealed him to the cast of the moonlight and he instinctively raised his hands to weakly defend himself against you. But you made no move to grab him. You let your arms fall to your sides and you slowly let your breath exit your mouth in a deep and low sigh. He was still tense and wary, eyeing you with orbs of complete animalistic fear and unease. You relented and stepped back, allowing him space to try and relax, or at least attempt to regain some composure. You forcibly released the tension in your shoulders and tried to make yourself look somehow smaller and less threatening to the shivering man.

It took a few moments but after looking you up and down, watching your hands for the slightest hint of aggression and taking note of your lack of interest to attack him, he slowly dropped his hands and tried his best to calm his racing heart. You allowed him a few more minutes of silence to take in your form and your intentions to not hurt him before you flicked your head to the side as an indication for him to follow you. You turned and began to lead him to the Hatch. He hesitantly followed you, walking behind you in your imposing shadow. You were so much bigger than him, powerful and terrifying. He had seen you rip apart human bodies like tissue-paper, drinking in their blood as if it was water after a drought. You were the thing in the night which he should fear, the monster of legend and the face he has grown to instinctively run from. Yet here you were, soft and quiet leading him as if he was a friend, most probably, to his escape. Just like all the times before.

“They all left me again, didn’t they?” Dwight’s voice was quiet but carried across the desolate area to your ears perfectly. You could hear the brokenness in his tone. You nodded your head gently without saying a word. Casting an eye over your shoulder you could see Dwight’s demeanor somehow shrink to be even smaller than it was already was. He was always the one left behind by the others. How pathetic. How sad. It was strange to watch him interact with the other survivors, him always trying so hard to protect them, guide them, be their leader, their rock to lean on in their dire times. If you weren’t already so destroyed and devoid of emotion you would have been swayed by his motivational speeches and inspirational gestures but in your current state, all you could see was a tired and despairing man. He had his moments of greatness, instances when he would be the man he tried beyond anything to portray. However, most of the time he was the timid and scared boy he truly was.

You had watched him crumble to the floor many times, delving into a hysteric state of horror and dread, no longer a man but an unthinking animal on the precipice of slaughter. And each time he would be alone. He always stood by the others, risking life and limb for them and in return they leave him in the dust, locked in a room with a killer and no way out. It was pathetic, they were pathetic and he was pathetic for always letting them use him as a doormat.

“Why do you always try so hard Dwight?” You made sure to keep your voice low, afraid that by raising it, it would frighten the man away. He jumped slightly at the sound and began to fidget with his fingers, unsure of how to answer your question. “The others,” you continued eyes forward and stride small, allowing for the shorter one to keep pace with you. “I’ve seen how you try to protect them. You guide them and yet they always leave you behind. Do you learn anything? Or are you just stupid?” You were way harsher than you intended to be, your lack of everyday human interaction leaving your conversation skills with something to be desired. You internally cringed and quickly passed him a glance to see if he had taken offense to your words. The man’s eyes were downward and everything about him sagged with bleakness. You normally weren’t one to be so emotional but something about the man always made you buckle.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like-”‘

“I can’t stop,” Dwight interjected, his voice louder than you had expected, “I-I won’t stop. I like helping others. I know what it is like to be forgotten and abandoned. Even if they don’t reciprocate it, I will always help them because if I don’t then I’m no better than...” There was a pause.

“Then someone like me?” You stopped and turned to face him. He froze and stared up at you in terror. But there was something else in his eyes. Not just fear. Not just worry or anxiety. But also mild conviction. It was as if a sudden flame was lit inside him like he had been preparing and waiting for this exact moment to happen. He looked alive and some part of you wanted to keep him that way.

“But you’re not like the others!” You were taken aback by his loud and explosive outburst but you were intrigued. You raised an eyebrow signaling him to continue and explain himself. You expected him to avoid your gaze but instead, he rose up to meet you with a surge of strength and confidence. “You’re not like the others. You... I can’t explain it but you’re different. Forgive me if I’m overstepping my boundaries but I've seen how you operate. The look in your eyes and your expression. There's something there I just don’t know... what it is.” Dwight quietened down and lowered his eyes to the floor at your feet.

“I still get terrified of you. Paralyzed by fear and all the adrenaline in the moment makes me lose my mind but when I stop and really look at you, I see something I don’t see in the others.” The fog swirled around and drifted in the space between the two of you. If there were crickets in this realm of shadow and nightmares, then they would have been the only creatures making noise.

“You don’t even know me, Dwight”. There was a sadness in your tone, your shell unwillingly crumbling under the gaze of the nervous man before you. He had some kind of spell over you and you had no control over it. Maybe it was subconscious pity or maybe he reminded you of someone you knew in your previous life. Whatever it was, Dwight was the one with all the power right now and for a brief second, it scared you. It wasn’t his job to care for you or pity you or see you as a person or…

“I’m not someone you can save Dwight.” Your voice was now only above a whisper, breathless and surprisingly gentle. What was he doing to you? Why were you always so nice to him? So lenient with your rules and merciful with your torture. He always made you hesitate and that hesitation is going to come back and bite you in the ass one of these days. Maybe today was one of those days. “Don’t try to save me Dwight. Because I will treat you the same way everyone else does.” You took a step closer to him and he quickly raised his brown eyes up to yours. You were so much bigger than him, he felt a twinge of fear as you loomed him but it fizzled out when Dwight caught the look in your eyes. There it was. That unexplainable thing he always sees in you. Was is sympathy? Remorse? No. Neither. But…

“I will treat you like everyone else.” You said again, deeper and with a hint of forced malice in your words. “Except I will leave you bleeding or dead.” There was another long stretch of silence between you two, so thick that it could be cut with a knife.  For once Dwight didn’t shy away from the situation, he stood tall and faced you head-on. You had to give it to him, he was strong when he needed to be. In a very unexpected move, Dwight took a step closer to you and held your stare firm in his own.

“I don’t care. You have… done this for me so many times before. Spared me and guided me to the hatch. I’ve told you my name and you’ve told me yours. You’re nothing like the other killers. There’s something to you, and I…I…” Suddenly he faded. His confidence seeped out of him in an instant and for a second you feared he wouldn’t finish his thought. You wanted to press him to continue, a desperate pleading part of your once-human self begging for the man to rescue some part of you, to look inside and find a sliver of goodness and of something worthwhile. But the rest of you didn’t move, didn’t make a noise and didn’t show any sign of your internal struggle. Dwight took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did so as if trying to mentally prepare himself for a grueling task. He let out the air through his mouth and in one swift sentence proclaimed, “I want to get to know you better. I want to see you outside!” Dwight’s face flushed while yours remained shocked and stone-like. Why on Earth would he want to meet you outside a trial? You were so cruel to him? So vile and twisted. A monster. And he was so good and kind and he had the gentlest eyes and the softest hands and… You were brought out of your thoughts when Dwight began to babble with embarrassment and throw his hands up.

“I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean anything by that! I just… I was-” Dwight’s rambling was cut off by your loud and booming laughter. He looked up at you and felt the ground rumble as you closed your eyes and laughed at the utter ridiculousness of the whole situation.  For a moment Dwight forgot what you were, your ability to kill and maim people pushed out of his mind as he saw before him a person double over with laughter. You were a person to him, misguided but still able to be salvaged. Dwight watched as you straightened yourself and, with a smile on your lips, you turned to him. Suddenly Dwight felt very hot and he felt weak in his knees. But it wasn’t fear that was making him feel this powerless, it was something else. Something thus far unexplainable.

“Dwight.” You said through pants of giggles, taking a hand and brushing away a tear from your eye. “Are you asking me on a date?” Dwight’s eyes widened but after realizing you were joking with him decided to play along.

“I mean,” he put a hand behind his head and the other on his hip, trying to look cool in a posture that portrayed his debonair personality. “I don’t know the area very well but I’m sure we can find ourselves a nice restaurant or something.” You couldn’t help but grin at the idiot.

“Very well.” You finally stood back up to your full height and brought back your composure. Dwight dropped his arms, afraid he might have said something wrong. You passed him one last cheeky look. “As long as you are paying for dinner.”

 ~

You waited on the edge of your realm, the cold wind of the forest sweeping through the trees and bringing with scent of the wood. You had been waiting for a while now, and you were starting to get worried. There was still no sign of Dwight, you couldn’t smell him or sense his approach. For a fleeting moment, you feared you might have been stood up when suddenly you had the urge to go into the forest. Something beyond the darkness called to you and you knew you had to follow it. Your instincts have yet to fail you so in an instant you bolted into the mist and moonlight.

There was an unknown urgency in your running. Whatever was calling to you was in dire need and you knew you hadn’t a moment to waste. Your feet moved on their own, taking you down pathways and through trees seemingly without direction until eventually, you found him. Dwight. You halted, your eyes taking in his shaking form hiding in a bush with his handclasp tightly over his mouth. He barely turned to look at you before you were already by his side. Your hands hovered over his trembling shoulders, wary to touch him and hurt him any further. Your mouth opened to ask him if he was alright when there was a crunch in the grass in front of you.

You snapped your head towards the noise and was greeted by the killer known as The Ghost face. His shoulders seemed to shake as he chuckled and edged closer to Dwight’s position. The smaller man stalked towards you, like a smaller wolf would approach the bigger one, eager for the kill yet cautious of the other killer. He knew Dwight was there but stayed away because now you were here. You straightened up, standing to your fullest and glared at the other. He froze, unsure. Nothing was spoken but he got the message. Back off lest he die. Ghost face’s gaze seemed to linger between you and the bush before slowly slinking off to whatever hole he crawled out of. You made sure he left before lowering yourself to Dwight’s level. He had tears in his eyes and his hands were white with fear.  You felt something swell within your chest.

“I-I’m sorry.” He managed to wheeze out in-between gasps of breaths. “H-He followed me. And I-I panicked. I didn’t mean to…” You couldn’t handle it anymore and very hesitantly placed your large hand on his shoulder 

“No. No.” You tried your best to soothe him, your voice uncharacteristically soft and tender. He had you under his control again and you were once again helpless to stop it. “No Dwight. I should apologize. I asked you to come out here to meet me. If anything it’s my fault, I shouldn’t of - “. You were abruptly cut off when two arms wrapped themselves around your neck. You froze under his touch but Dwight didn’t let go. All he wanted to do was hold onto you, show his appreciation for you through his actions. He was also so scared and you were so solid, warm and big. He had never touched you before and he hoped it wasn’t the last time. His mind finally caught up with his body and he quickly retreated back.

Dwight’s face burned red with embarrassment and he was glad for the darkness to hide his flushed cheeks. But when he caught sight of your face he stopped. You were still yet there was this sort of pleading to you. Your eyes were wide, not from disgust or disrespect, but from shock. Your mouth hung open like a fish and Dwight was afraid he had somehow broken you when very quietly you whispered, “Again. Hold me… Again.” He didn’t need to be told twice. His arms snaked their way around your neck and he happily buried his head under your chin. He felt you breathing and although no words were exchange he knew what you were thinking.

“You’re not all bad,” Dwight mumbled into your skin making you shiver. “You deserve to try again.” He felt you shake around him and he held you tighter. Our own hands finally began to wind themselves around him in return until you were both wrapped in each other embrace.

“You are too kind Dwight.” Your chest rumbled as you spoke making Dwight unconsciously hum along with you. The heat from your body was making his glasses fog up. “This can only end badly. For the both of us.” He waited a moment before slowly nodding. He had accepted his fate the moment he decided to ask for your name. You felt his hands twitch as they waited for your answer. After a second you sighed and closed your eyes, leaning into his dirty brown hair.

“Hold me tighter Dwight.” Dwight realized then what that something was that made you special. He saw your humanity, even as you massacred and broke the bones of the innocent, Dwight saw you; a scared, lost person afraid in the dark never to be saved. Dwight saw himself in you, alone in the woods abandoned by everyone. But he had the power now. He had the power to make you feel not so alone and he was going to try his damndest to be there for you. That is if you would have him. By the way, you clung to him, your nails tearing small holes into his shirt, Dwight already knew your answer.

He wasn’t a strong man by any means, by in moments of need he pulls through and proves to everyone that he is worth attention and you are worth saving.

[letusmeetagain]

Hi, do you mind giving your opinion on the take that Mikasa will kill Eren? This statement from the fandom is something I strongly disagree with and I don't think it will happen. It does nothing for the story imo.

Hi anon!

Not at all. I actually gave my opinion two times on Twitter... But...

Honestly, I can't predict which path Isayama will choose for Mikasa and Eren...

At this rate Isayama's intentions are crystal clear. He'll drag the "lovers to enemies" and "the beloved one having to kill their lover" plot... If it's not that it was there since the beginning.

I thought about the possible ways we have...

A path in which Mikasa refuses to kill him with the outcome that she gets him back through love:

1. She saves him and he:

a. somehow manages to survive.

b. sacrifices himself.

2. She gets killed.

Or

A path where she decides to kill Eren because there's no other way and he doesn't hear.

1. She kills him.

2. She gets killed.

Or

He is already dead and there's actually no real choice for her.

He may be resurrected.

Or

She goes suicidal and takes both of them down. (I fear this one exactly bc of her speech to him in Paths and Armin's reaction to that)

Or

Someone else does it or it's the result of everyone's doing at different battle fronts.

----

To me, the only positive paths are those where she manages to approach the situation without violence and hatred. I know it will be needed to attack Eren first and make him lose power or wake up. Uri and Kenny's confrontation was first slightly violent until Uri regained the power over the situation and could have a possibility to act on his own way. I would expect a pattern like that.

Now speaking about Mikasa's personal feelings, I can't see (and I don't want) any path on where she either has to let go of her feelings of love, nor give them a sense of wrongness, or kill him having acknowledged that she loves him and she is proud of those feelings.

Isayama is presenting us a world of hatred where everything happens exactly because the lack of love and respect to others, because of the lack of communication... Now Mikasa who is the only one who still clings to Eren's kindness has to respond with violence and hatred??

It would be sad. It would mean the hatred won the battle and there's nothing more powerful than that. 👀

I have to admit that I do have a feeling that Eren might have known Mikasa would be stuck in this gridlock. "What an I to you?" and "I have always hated you" would gain this particular meaning of "you will be the one taking me down" and where the latter gaslighting was a kind of training for her future role. Or Eren stuck in paths watching themselves with the scarf would gain the meaning of "we knew each other just to became enemies and this all was fate".

But still. Mikasa means to me the possibility to see things with pride and being sure that it was precious. Moreover, that the reasons that would lead her to take her own decision aren't based on the side of Eren that deserves death and is responsible for the rumbling but on the kind side that he terribly ignored.

Personally... as a woman... as a rebel myself... I wouldn't accept Eren's dare to kill him. And less thinking that she was called "a slave who only ever followed orders"... (Armin somehow did the same thing) Now she has to follow exactly what he says and kill him? What a joke. It would be humiliating that she has to submit Eren's surrender to fate too. He is dragging her to be a pawn in a wicked game of a mastermind where she has to kill the most precious person to her. Because it's exactly that. He just gave in to hopelessness. Why should she do so?

And THEY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT CH. 112'S CONVO.

I still see as possible that he dies but if he does, it won't be responsibility of anyone but just a collateral result of the whole events. Somehow this cycle of hatred must be stopped. What I'm saying is that it would be somehow dull that the alliance give in to violence too. At least that's my feeling. The alliance starting to lose hope and accepting violence as the only way is almost exactly (if not the same) what Eren did until now.

As a side comment, I have been reading a manga that inspired Isayama to become a mangaka and honestly the whole trope of "I love you and I'll be the one to terminate you exactly because I love you" appears during the 22 vols until boredom. Friends that hold a power created since the beginning to destroy the power of the MC if it runs out of control. The MC killing his childhood sweetheart and detonating his amuck. The childhood sweetheart being corrupted by a power and asking the MC to kill her to end everything. The MC aims to kill the power, the heroin and also himself. On the last moments, he reached a compassionate enlightenment and decides just to embrace her and calm down the power. Of the times they were asked to cross that line, they never surrender neither to the fate prepared to them, nor to despair, nor they gave up on their humanity.

Maybe I'm being willingly naive but I think that fate, hatred and titans are the real chains in the story, thus it would make sense that if it's against the titans that humans are powerless, if it is fate and hatred that don't leave the characters be free and reach happiness and peace... Then the last decisions should turn to the opposite side: humanity can solve the conflict, love can save them and humanity is free from fate. The ending should empower humanity and its good side, doesn't it?

Of course I give more importance to the inner logic of the story, but it's interesting to see how the same idea was displayed in other mangas he had read when he was younger.

Thank for the question and I hope it was helpful.

🌸

[allyvampirelass29]

The Hourglass and The Oracle

A NOS4A2 Review By: Allyssa J. Watkins

A spiraling staircase A bold fuchsia beauty Lights flicker in your eyes As our energies collide And, Darling, you're starting to get to me......

I'm not your Darling, John Buy a girl a drink first Before you thirst For what you can't get your hands on Throwing my head back with a laugh You're going to fall And it's going to be too fast Who said I was yours to catch? Ask me again And I'll ask you to dance

May I have a moment of your time? I don't need to be a Strong Creative, Dear To tease your mind A turn of the hourglass A trick of the sublime You're like sand through my hands Sifting too fast to touch And it's not enough...... You're the exceptional exception When I say we're hard to love.

Sparks fly Drawing you in I'll make you believe in magic again Fate's siren song calls to the Hourglass Man I guess it's my turn To show you my hand But be forewarned, My Gentleman Friend There's no telling what happens When you open the door to the static You might not want the answer Once you have it Shaking the bag Rolling the Dice A cigarette burn is a more than fair price To watch time drain from the Hourglass' eyes Clutching the hurt As your knife catches my eye Shattering your glass Scattering your sand Close your eyes, You Hopeless Flirt This is me, skipping dessert I gotta say you put up one hell of a fight Say goodnight, John You've run out of time

CHECK. FREAKING. MATE!!!!! Ladies and Gentlemen, the MATCH has been called, and the Hourglass didn't stand a chance against the Woman of the Hour, Our Dauntless Oracle, and very own, Miss Margaret Leigh!!! My GOD, Maggie seized her time to shine in a dazzling foray of sultry seduction, and deadly spectacle, and while it may have been The Hourglass' last bow, it was the iridescent ORACLE who stole the show, and she alone deserves our standing ovation!!! I LOVED this episode, beginning to end, the intrigue, the sleek deception, the intense human drama, all beautifully intertwined in this beguiling game within a game, a chess match of like-minded Creative prowess!!! Brava, Miss Leigh, and bravissimo, NOS4A2, for spoiling us yet again!!! "The Hourglass," is a violin overture of vulnerable human moments, and intellectual powerplays, reaching the fever pitch of the most ghastly, scream-bloody-murder cliff hangar of the entire series.

Where last week Charlie was the blunt force trauma, the pounding hammer, smashing everyone and everything in his path to Wayne, Maggie is the stealth strike, the seductively wielded scalpel, removing Charlie's secret weapon with lethal precision, after he proves to be the more immediate threat to her best friend, now that Charlie's absconded with her son. She's a force to be reckoned with, a fuchsia femme fatale, as lovely as she is deadly, the perfect rosé of coy and coquettish as she flirts with time and death itself. It was her finest hour, hands down, and I LOVED that NOS4A2 gave her the spotlight, and that she literally KILLED, leaving us begging for more.

Stop me if you've heard this one before. Two Strong Creatives walk into a bar........ Like an ingenue reminiscent of Old Hollywood, with every lilac strand of her rebellious florescence pinned in place, Maggie descends the long, spiral staircase, sending the lights to flicker, and drawing the eye of an instantly intrigued, Mr. Hourglass. I must say, The Hourglass Man's smooth, and tenacious pursuit of our Maggie, was a FANTASTIC blindsight, a surprise I never saw coming!!! Where I expected a smouldering duel to the death as soon as their eyes met, knives flying, I found myself drawn instead, irresistibly into the tantalizing tango between the two of them. Their witty repartee was both sparkling, and sharp-edged, as John advanced, and Maggie countered, playing hard to get, while secretly drawing him in. It's thrilling to watch, marveling at these seemingly unlikely lovers, and yet, with each move and countermove, I could see how much they thought alike, both crafty intellectuals, who knew how to play the game, and how to win.

"We're hard to love. People fall for us because of our abilities, but they always come to fear the very thing that drew them in. They tell us to tone it down, betray our gifts, like declawing a cat. It's cruel."

This is my favourite line in the entire episode, it struck me straight to the heart, tears in my eyes, overwhelmed by its tragic beauty and excruciating truth. It's also the one time that Maggie's smoky-eyed seductive veil slips, and she lets herself feel something very real. In that moment, as fleeting as it is, there are no sides, no waiting plots, or poised vendettas. There are two Strong Creatives, two kindred supernatural beings with very human feelings. Victims of their own gifts, with universal wants, and desires. Powers greater than their wildest dreams, but at what cost? In this moment, Maggie cares about John, connects with him, because she feels these words burn emblazoned, even hotter than the cigarette he's about to press into her arm.

Two Strong Creatives walk into a bar....... and only one comes out alive. These two take, "Get a room," to a whole new level!!! "I'm not going to hurt you, unless you want me to........." John says smoothly, before pressing a lit cigarette into Maggie's arm, telling her to harness the pain, let it consume her, until it's all she knows, and then whispers his question like a sweet nothing in her ear, nuzzling her close. John, with all of his scheming predilections and parlor tricks has found a way to cheat the Strong Creative check when it comes due. In event of seizures, or memory loss, you can hurt yourself...... or hurt someone else. I had always secretly suspected this proviso, I even wrote it into my own NOS4A2 Series, that my character's compassion gets punished by unknowingly hurting someone else, every time she uses her gift, but seeing John's shocking demonstration, breathing in with explicit pleasure as he burns her, watching Maggie's big brown eyes spark, both excited, and relieved that she can hurt herself and still use her powers, was an absolute ordeal. I have a feeling Maggie just discovered a dangerous new addiction........

Speaking of ordeals........ John shatters a glass table, ready to kill the messenger, when he doesn't get the answer that he wants, the fates formally denying his request for immortality. And it is here, in the midst of his ruffled, heartbroken, rage, that the events deviated dramatically from my own predictions. I thought Charlie had promised him immortality in exchange for killing Vic McQueen, and that Maggie had unwittingly unmasked this betrayal, proving Charlie had lied, offering the Creative Holy Grail that he intended to keep for himself. Immortality, apparently a non-transferrable work benefit. With our slighted Hourglass primed for revenge, and his particular fascination for Maggie, I thought for sure she'd be able to turn him against Charlie, brandish the Hourglass against his new business partner, rallying him to Vic's cause, and more or less, have him join Team McQueen to take Manx down once and for all.

I was wrong...... So, so wrong. I don't think any of us saw what was coming....... "It's rare I get such a hands on opportunity," John rasps, once he finds his stolen knife in Maggie's bag, teasing seduction climaxing into a crime of passion, as the two of them scrapple and scrape for the hourglass. "Sweetheart, give up. You're not getting out of here alive." Maggie gets choked, hurled over the shattered glass table, but you can't keep a good girl down, and The Hourglass is no Charlie Manx. "I tried to warn you, John, my tiles are never wrong." Maggie thrusts a shard of glass up into the Hourglass Man's heart, and with an anguished, hopeless cry he watches her stomp his knife into the ground, coming down on it hard, leaving nothing but shattered glass, and scattered sand. WOW........ I am speechless. I have to admit, I did not expect Charlie's new player and point man to be vanquished this early in the game, as awestruck as I am by this new fearless facet of Maggie's unique brilliance. She was elegant, badass, and beautiful, and I'm so glad he's dead, but I don't know....... I felt like his death was his third and final disappointment. Sorry John, we'll always have Parnassus.

Oh my God, if Maggie was this episode's Oscar Winner for Best Actress, Linda Freaking McQueen WINS for Best Supporting Actress!!!! She's the other sassy heroine of "The Hourglass," mouthing off to FBI agents like nobody's business, and it is SENSATIONAL!!!! "What does FBI stand for, huh? Failed. Bad. Incompetent? We're Americans!!! My husband works for the postal service, I go to CHURCH!!! Do better!!!" You TELL 'EM Linda!!! She's a delight in every scene she's in, standing up to the suits, and telling them what's what!!! She's had it with these big, fancy, feds not protecting her daughter, and she ain't afraid to get vocal about it. Aaaaaah and the whole conversation with her and Chris was AMAZING!!! There is something so fascinating about two hard knock realists, two complete skeptics talking about the possibility of the Supernatural.

"There's a difference between special, Chris, and magic. Our daughter ain't magic."

"How would you know?"

"Because I wiped her snotty nose, for Christ's sake!!! What kind of mother misses something like that?"

"The kind that's too busy hiding bruises and paying bills to look up."

Linda's emphatic disbelief is so perfect, and I just love the way she says that, "Our daughter ain't magic!" I also love how Chris is starting to believe in Vic, and it's that burgeoning faith in his daughter's abilities that makes Linda start to wonder if maybe her daughter could be magic. Chris owning up to his past mistakes, and blaming himself, for his wife's oversight, was such a bittersweet moment too, wanting so badly to let her off the hook. He's changed, they both have, and I couldn't be more proud. Another beautifully human moment that I really loved was between her and Vic, and here we finally find out why the McQueen women can't be close to each other. "I never felt that you needed me." It's a rare, deeply insightful look into Linda's heart, a vulnerable truth, and I feel like I know them both even better through it. Linda needs to be needed, she needs to have somebody to take care of, somebody that relies on her, and with a drunk, philandering husband who sought comfort elsewhere, and a fiercely independent daughter, Linda had no one. She felt listless, without purpose, and thus drowned her sorrows with a tipped back bottle.

The scene with Vic and Lou cuddling in his hospital bed also strikes a chord in this veritable symphony of human emotion, and with every new episode, I ship Team McCarmody even harder!!! Lou with a stint in his heart, and Vic with a concussion, and injured spleen, have this impossibly sweet moment, in the midst of the aftermath and ever-present horror of the abduction of their son. I love how they anchor each other, try to calm each other down, and still manage to make each other laugh.

"Han Solo ain't half the mechanic as Lou Carmody."

"Did you- Did you just refer to yourself in the third person...... and rate yourself....... ABOVE Han Solo?"

Vic's laugh in that moment is so pure, and a much needed relief, as she holds onto the love, the teddy bear of a man, that Charlie couldn't take from her, and in that moment, she decides to focus on what she has left, even while fighting for what she has lost. I'm reminded of a quote from my other favourite show, HEROES. "We're human first, and heroes second."

Charlie may take a back seat this episode, but he is still a coaxing, debonair presence with a teasing linger, and not without another clever trick up his sleeve. "There is no need to hide your cellular telephone from me, My Boy," He coos as Wayne fumbles to sneak a call to his Mom. I was SHOCKED when Charlie urged Young Bats to do just that, call his mother. "What kind of MONSTER do you take me for?" He asks silkily, feigning indignance, and with bated breath, we wait as the phone rings, and rings, and rings...... No way in HELL is Vic not taking that call, and yet, Young Master Wayne hangs his wildly curly head, defeated, as the call goes unanswered. "She's a real heartbreaker, your mother...... isn't she? Never there for you, no matter how good you are. It's not personal, Wayne. In the end Vic McQueen cares only for herself and no one else," Charlie chortles, and he knows it's working....... bit by bit, he means to turn his new favourite charge, against his own mother, convince him of her neglect and indifference. My theory? Charlie can block calls using his creative power, which would explain how he's avoided capture, and the FBI's modern trappings for so long. You sneaky, sneaky boy!!!

OH HELLO CRAIG!!!! Yes, you read that right...... CRAIG, Wayne's father who burned to death in the Wraith, like a ghastly apparition appears to his son, with singed skin, and glazed over eyes. At first I thought this was Charlie manipulating Wayne, showing what his mother did to his father, and how he wasn't ever going to be safe with her, but to my own astonishment, Charlie could not see him!!! Craig encourages Wayne, tells him Charlie's lying, gives him hope, and insists she's coming for him. I thought that was a spectacular, wide-eyed SHOCK that came out of thin air, and I couldn't help but think about how Cassie appeared to her daughter in this same way........ Hmmm can children, if they are Strong Creatives themselves, see the parents they have lost at the hands of Charlie Manx? Curiouser and curiouser........

My breath caught, everything going numb, when that bloody tooth fell out in Wayne's tiny hand. I LOVE that little boy with all my heart and soul, and I'm sorry, Charlie, but I do NOT want him to become a vampire!!! Wayne starts to change in other ways too, playing with a butterfly, as his usual cheerful self, adorably naming him Sunny, before killing it, ripping it into shreds, his sweet little face devoid of any emotion. WHAT!? I had chills like crazy, and I felt heartsick. I don't know though, did anybody else think that butterfly looked strange, almost not quite real? The way the Wraith rolled down the window to let it in...... It makes me wonder if this didn't just happen in Wayne's mind.

I did notice though, how long it took for the Wraith to siphon off Wayne's youth to heal the nasty gash on Charlie's cheek. Even Charlie starts to worry, checking the mirror again and again, only to find it slightly healed, and it's not until the near end of the episode that he looks one more time, nails resting on the side of his head, sighing into his hand with relief, when he sees his once again flawless visage staring back. It's like Wayne is fighting the car, slowing down its effects, because no child has gone this long without turning!!! All exciting further proof that Wayne HAS to be a Strong Creative!!! I also love how Charlie continues to be the perfect, doting father figure, ever so careful and patient with Wayne, and I just melted, with a besotted sigh when he asked him if he had to use the water closet!" That was precious!!! Also, my new FAVOURITE thing ever, is Charlie click-clacking his long, gorgeous nails along the Wraith's windows as he walks past it!!! Dear GOD, Handsome, WHAT are you doing to me!?

THAT ending though........ I'm crying....... I SOBBED, I'm so not okay. What the freaking HELL.........!?!? Just as we're all having cozy Charlie and Wayne feelings, fawning over them both, that DAMNED BASTARD Bing Partridge comes out of NOWHERE surprising our dashing vampire, shoving the gas hose in his face, and he goes down HARD!!!! Once he's disabled the Wraith, he abducts Charlie, and leaves Wayne behind. It's blood-curdling to watch....... knowing what horrors Bing has already committed, and what dark intention he holds for his once upon a time hero, now that Charlie's left him to die. I'm freaking scared. I was hyperventilating, and full of murderous fury even hours after the episode had ended. The wait for next week is going to hit a lot different, after that cruel cliff-hanger, and I can only hope Charlie can dangle Christmasland in an effort to thwart Bing's fat, homicidal hand. Bing Partridge, you hateful Son of a BITCH, if you disturb so much as one strand of Charlie's beautiful raven hair, I'm gonna KILL you SO DEAD!!! Time's run out for the Hourglass, will another of Vic's foes meet the same fate? Bing Partridge must DIE!!! Somebody......... SAVE CHARLIE MANX!!!!!

[aion-rsa]

Vikings Ending Explained

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The following contains spoilers for Vikings season 6 part two.

Vikings has always been concerned with legacy: that of the Vikings themselves, and of Ragnar and his sons. It’s clear from the show’s coda – Ubbe and Floki side by side on a distant beach, contemplating existence as the sun glows down upon the endless stretch of ocean before them –  that the two ultimately are inseparable. Bound up in this spider’s web of myth and mayhem, too, is the fate and legacy of the show itself. How will it be remembered now that it is gone? In a word: fondly. 

Creator Michael Hirst has left us a show for the ages, one that transcends the war, blood, and murder that first drew audiences to its story. The closing run of episodes is at turns thrilling, stirring, chilling, harrowing, heart-breaking, savage, sensual and ethereal, and is capped off with a mesmerizing, mytho-philosophical finale that retroactively elevates everything that came before it, all the way back to the moment when Ragnar first asked Floki to help him sail west. So how does it achieve this greatness? And what does it all mean? Let’s break it down. 

Groundhog Deity

One of the central themes of the show is the cycle of violence and bloodshed in which Viking society finds itself mired, and the battle between those who seek to perpetuate it, and those who seek to break free from it. It’s a dichotomy that burns down through the wick of the show, and often rages within its characters, most notably Ragnar, Lagertha, Floki, Bjorn, and Ubbe. Season upon season, each promise of peace is swiftly pounded into the blood-soaked earth by the vengeance, skulduggery or megalomaniacal ambitions of a chaotic individual, faction or rival; the old ways refusing to cede ground to the new. But still the dreamers and visionaries struggle, against themselves, against the furious roar of tradition, again and again. This rise and fall happened so frequently throughout the show’s run that its rhythm caused some sections of the audience to grow weary. This repetition, though, this sense of helplessness, is largely the point (not to mention an accurate portrayal of the brutish life endured by most people in the Dark and Middle Ages), and one that’s made more explicit than ever before in the final stretch of the season. Like the characters themselves, we the audience must feel – truly feel – the suffocating hopelessness of it all before we can begin to appreciate the burst of light at the end. 

All throughout the series the Vikings’ thirst for war and conquest is cloaked in the language of fate, destiny, glory, and the Gods. In a telling sequence half-way through the final ten episodes, these justifications are stripped away to reveal the dark, very mortal truth that lies behind them. Ivar, Hvitserk, and King Harald reunite in a calm and peaceful Kattegat. All three are burnt-out, frazzled, and dissatisfied. There’s a real sense that “the age of the Vikings is gone” and that this is “the twilight of the Gods”. Harald and Ivar admit that there is no pleasure in being a King, despite it being a title both men have dreamed of and longed for, and for which they’ve lied, cheated, betrayed, and killed. In the final analysis, we can see – and finally they can see, however indirectly – that the great cycle in which the Vikings are trapped has been perpetuated not by the Gods – those great scapegoats in the sky – but by bored and angry men seeking in bloodshed distractions from a cold and brutish world whose quotient of misery has only ever been increased by their actions. It is especially sad to see Ivar churned back into this mill given the growth he experienced throughout this season, not only in being a caring, surrogate father to the Rus heir Igor, but in becoming an actual father after his body asserted itself just long enough to plant his seed in Princess Katia’s belly. 

Ivar witnesses two men in a public gathering-place squabbling over a trivial matter, and extrapolates from this that war is a necessary state for the Vikings, because in peace they fight amongst themselves. It’s patently obvious that the lesson Ivar pulls from this incident says more about his pain and psychopathology – his hatred, his emptiness – than it does about society at large. Ultimately, it is he, and Harald, and Hvitserk, and a million other men just like them, who need war. They need external conflict to distract them from their own internal conflicts and inadequacies. Never-the-less, and perhaps unsurprisingly, Ivar’s facile supposition is all that King Harald needs to hear. Before long, the three men and a ready-made army are heading back across the sea to England for a final confrontation with King Alfred and his Christian Saxon soldiers. 

“The Twilight of the Gods”

This climactic confrontation is, on one level, less a battle between two armies and more the continuation of the chess game Ivar and Alfred once played as children, as their fathers – King Ragnar and King Ecbert – cut deals and hatched plots in another room. 

In many ways, Ivar was always marked for monsterhood. He grew up with the fierce love of his mother, Aslaug, which she wrapped around him like a blanket made of steel. By over-compensating for his condition and physical fragility to such a suffocating degree, she left him isolated, conceited and angry. His father, Ragnar, was absent for most of his youth. Though Ivar had Floki to teach and guide him in the ways of the Gods, Ivar didn’t realize quite how much of himself had been missing until Ragnar returned and took him under his wing. Ragnar was one of the few men who seemed to have faith in Ivar’s abilities; who told him that he could be something other than a liability, a cripple, a joke. They journeyed to England together with conquest in mind, but when a storm sank most of their boats, Ragnar swiftly refocused the purpose of their visit, enlisting Ivar’s aid to kill the surviving members of their party (to remove all evidence of their initial intent) and surrender themselves to King Ecbert. 

Ragnar tells Ecbert to deliver him into the hands of King Aelle, so that Ecbert will not be blamed for Ragnar’s death, and the full fury of the Vikings will be directed at their mutual enemy instead. However, Ragnar has instructed Ivar to return home with news of Ecbert’s duplicity, so that both Kings will become the targets of the rage-and-grief-filled Viking horde. Ivar is the perfect capsule for this incendiary message, as Ragnar gambles, quite correctly, that King Ecbert’s sense of fair play, filtered through his Christianity, won’t permit him to harm or imprison a poor, harmless crippled boy. Ragnar thus succeeds in turning the Saxon’s Christian compassion into a fatal weakness, while at the same time teaching his weaponized son that love, violence, deceit, and death are so intimately connected as to be almost indivisible. 

When Aslaug died at Lagertha’s hands, soon after Ragnar’s death, it removed his only other source of love, cloying though it was. He took that love and turned a mutated version of it upon himself, imbuing himself with delusions of Godhood, something his fury at his parents’ deaths only served to magnify.

In the first dramatic round of the final battle against Alfred, Ivar repeats his father’s tactic of weaponizing kindness. He orders traps to be set in the forest with which to painfully ensnare the first line of Alfred’s advancing soldiers. The hope is that Alfred’s Christian compassion will compel him to send the next few lines of soldiers to assist their wailing brothers, allowing the Vikings to ambush them like lambs to the slaughter. And so it proves. Many lives are lost. The fighting is kinetic and savage; the pervading mist and gloom only enlivened by the occasional eruption of fire, like a melding of Valhalla and the Christian conception of Hell. King Harald is killed, finding some solace and peace at last with a dying vision of his brother, Halfdan, whom he’d killed in a previous battle. 

After this, there is a lull in the fighting. Alfred and Ivar meet under a white flag to discuss terms. Alfred will not yield. He will never again reward Ivar for his unprovoked attacks, nor fall into the trap of trusting his word. He tells Ivar to leave his kingdom, leave England, and never return; entreats him to save his people from further pointless bloodshed.  He goes on to declare: “My God is the God of peace and love. Your Gods are savage. They demand sacrifice. They do not know human love.” The final fight that follows is as much the culmination of a struggle between two competing religious and cultural ideologies as it is a battle between Ivar and Alfred; and by the end of this final episode the matter is settled, at least in a thematic sense. 

Alfred and Ivar cleave to their God and Gods on the battlefield, looking to them for guidance and answers. As the situation becomes ever more desperate, both leaders soon find themselves deserted by their Gods, their imagined connection to them severed. 

“What am I supposed to do?” Ivar shouts to his suddenly deaf and mute Gods. “Answer me!”

“Speak to me, please. I’m afraid. Speak!” Alfred beseeches his lord Jesus. 

Stripped of their Gods, both men are forced to acknowledge in whose image they’ve truly been forged: their fathers’. What they do next will decide if history is doomed to repeat itself, and also settle the question of whether it is their own wills or the wills of their fathers that are the stronger. Ultimately, it is love and compassion, in both instances, that proves to be their guiding light, leading Ivar to reject his father’s ways, and Alfred to embrace his father’s – his real father: the monk Athelstan, who was once a friend and confidante of the great Ragnar Lothbrook. 

All You Need is Love

Ivar watches the battle from the side-lines. Hvitserk has long been a tormented, tortured and fractured man, but in combat he’s whole, screeching and roaring through the flames like a mythical demon. But one man can’t best a whole army, and it becomes clear that Hvitserk isn’t long for this world. Ivar’s eyes shine an electric blue, a physical indication known since childhood that his brittle bones are about to break. Ivar knows his actions in the next few minutes will serve as his last will and testament, the means by which the world will remember him. Ivar watches Hvitserk – the brother he’d many times mocked and tormented, whose life he’d tried to ruin, who’d long forsworn to kill him – and charges onto the battlefield to take his place, submitting himself to the same forces of compassion he’d spent a life-time deriding and subverting.  

“I could never kill you,” he tells Hvitserk.

“I love you. I love you brother,” Hvitserk replies tearfully.

“Now go. Go!” hollers Ivar.

Ivar’s rage and defiance seem to shake the very earth around him. He is at one with his army. He fights and lives through them. In the midst of his last stand a young soldier, shaking with fear, approaches him from the mist.

“Don’t be afraid,” says Ivar, an almost Christ-like evocation at this, his moment of sacrifice. The soldier stabs him repeatedly, and, as Ivar falls, his bones snap and break. Hvitserk runs to him and cradles his dying body, while Alfred calls for the fighting to stop. “I am afraid,” Ivar splutters, words no-one thought they would ever hear from Ivar the Boneless. And then there are three more; his final words: “I love you.”   

Ivar has thus broken the cycle. He has sacrificed himself not for hate, as his father once did, but for love. He was finally able to know and to feel human love; and crucially to demonstrate it instead of demanding it, even if it was right at the end of his life, and only for a few moments. Already Ivar had begun to demonstrate humility. On the eve of the battle he told Hvitserk: “Hundreds of years from now, someone will be proud to find my blood is in their body and my spirit is in their soul.” Maybe part of him realized that in becoming a father he’d finally achieved the immortality after which he’d always hungered, and it was enough.  

Hvitserk is carried away on the back of a wagon. We’re given an aerial view of this, lending Hvitserk the appearance of a corpse returning from battle. In many ways he is. Hvitserk is dead, in a sense. The merciful Alfred baptises Hvitserk, allowing him to be reborn with a new name: Athelstan. 

We know from our future vantage point that the loving Christ Hvitserk has now embraced is destined to eventually, and irrevocably, defeat the old Norse Gods. Not only that, but there will be a millennium of distinctly non-loving conquests, wars, decimations, genocides, enslavements and cultural destructions carried out in His name, all of which will make the exploits of the 8th and 9th century Vikings look like the tantrums of naughty children in comparison. But Hvitserk doesn’t know this. All he knows is that he has found peace by rejecting war and embracing love. He has finally found a way to honor his father – or at least the part of his father that loved Athelstan, and came to see Christianity and Paganism as two sides of the same coin. Love and mercy, then, are the instruments that Hvitserk and Alfred use to break free from the ‘endless cycle of suffering and war’.     

Out With The Old

The show’s themes converge, coalesce and crystalize in the New World, too. The journey from Iceland to Greenland to North America is one fraught with danger and death, but characterized by faith and hope and sacrifice. And it is Othere, the Christian wanderer once known as – appropriately enough – Athelstan (no relation), who leads them there. 

 “This is everything [Ragnar] was searching for,” Ubbe tells Othere, in their new land of milk and honey. “And I found it.” Othere cautions Ubbe against behaving in the same ways that he did before – the old ways – lest this land become just like the land he left behind.

They are not alone. The Vikings discover that the land is occupied by a tribe of indigenous peoples they refer to as Skraelings. The tribe welcomes them warmly. Ubbe soon discovers they have a friend in common: Floki, who somehow reached these same shores from Iceland, alone, and now lives on the periphery of the Skraelings’ land as a revered mystic. If it wasn’t for the Skraelings’ kindness, Floki would have died on arrival. They showed him mercy and kindness.

Asked why he left Iceland, Floki says it was because he was ‘imprisoned in sadness’. 

“What made you so sad?”

“I don’t always remember,” he says, with a wistful smile.

Floki here represents the past of the Vikings as we in the modern world have come to know it, a patchwork of tall tales and omissions. Floki embodies how time will continue to wash away both the Vikings’ history and their legend, until there’s little difference between them, and nothing much is left of either. Floki also embodies the idea that the golden age of the Vikings is gone; he remembers that he once was a Viking; he remembers Ragnar, the sons of Ragnar and the people who were important to them, but little else. There was a time when Floki was the greatest soldier of and preacher for the Gods, but he has now let them go, shed them like a dead skin. “I called to them and no longer heard their voices, or they didn’t make sense,” he tells Ubbe. Again, entropy, evolution, death, re-birth, legend, past, future: all suffused. 

The old ways make one last effort to re-assert themselves, even here in this paradise, and Ubbe gets his defining moment – just as Ivar and Hvitserk and Bjorn before him got theirs. One of his party murders the son of the Skraeling’s leader while ransacking the leader’s home for gold. The Skraelings – clearly more civilized than the Vikings ever were – hand this man over to Ubbe to decide his fate. 

This is a pivotal moment for the series. Where once we were encouraged to see Ragnar as the hero, even when he was killing and pillaging his way through innocent peoples, here we perceive this man, this murderer – who has simply acted in accordance with how the Vikings have always acted – as a dangerous savage. We, the audience, have already made a choice about who the Vikings are now, or who they should be – and so has Ubbe.

At first the murderer is to be publically blood-eagled, a particularly savage and painful form of execution that never-the-less guarantees its sufferer entry to Valhalla. At the last moment, Ubbe changes his mind, and slits the man’s throat instead. 

“Valhalla is not for you, my friend,” Ubbe tells him, mere seconds before carrying out his sentence, “Let me put you out of your misery.” Ubbe does not say this to be cruel, to rob the man of his place in the afterlife. He simply doesn’t want to inflict unnecessary pain, and is showing mercy. But it’s deeper than that, too. Valhalla doesn’t seem to matter to him anymore. Ubbe has come to understand that life can be lived without the old ways and their Gods, and be all the better for it. 

On the beach, Ubbe seeks Floki’s advice and counsel. Floki smiles. “You don’t need to know anything. It’s not important. Let it go.”

It’s fitting that Floki is there at the show’s end. Without his innovation as a boat maker, Ragnar would never have sailed west and discovered Saxon lands; would never have met Athelstan. Without Floki, the Vikings would never have discovered Iceland, or Greenland, or the New World on whose shores they now sit. Ragnar is the one who will be immortalized in legend, while the world will slowly forget Floki. He has already started to forget himself. Perhaps that is the point. Warriors live on in legend and infamy, while the people who built the world around them and at their backs fade away. But wasn’t it ever thus? Legends change the world; love saves it. And here we see that love is the more important, and more enduring, force of the two, even if we’re sometimes too proud to acknowledge it, or too blind to see it. 

“I love you, Floki,” says Ubbe, as they stare across the ocean, at their past, at their possible future, at eternity. 

What a beautiful, and truly surprising, sentiment for a show as blood-soaked as Vikings to bow out on.  

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Of course the status quo clings on in Kattegat, and I guess this will be picked up in the spin-off series. Set 100 years after the events of Vikings, Vikings: Valhalla is reportedly coming to Netflix sometime next year.

The post Vikings Ending Explained appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, ALYX! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF ARAEL.

Admin Rosey: Oh god, I think Arael was one of the characters that caught me by surprise. But the absolutely mastery of this application, did not at all surprise me because only Arael could - and should - be so effortlessly captured within the span of a single application. Tragedy, as you said Alyx, is woven into Arael’s bones and the fact that they recognize it and are so unbroken by it in their countenance says absolutely everything to me. The plots that you have lined up only feed into that tragedy more and I, for one, am absolutely here for it. I think that Arael is ripe for evolving and I completely trust this beautiful starlit character in your capable and loving hands. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Alyx

Age | Taylor Swift vc: Idk about you, but I’m feeling 22!

Personal Pronouns | She/Her.

Activity Level | hopefully pretty active? I have work and classes but I’m taking less hours and my internship is done so I’m hoping I have more time to be on the dash.

Timezone | CST.

Triggers | REMOVED

How did you find the group?  | I saw plenty of ads for it on my personal.

IN CHARACTER

Character | 

Arael: “Lion of God”; She couldn’t remember her original name. Her memories of the cold abyss of the galaxy came to her in bits and pieces that she latched onto as one would latch onto an extended hand. She could remember that feeling of peace within her falling star. She could remember that acceptance as her annihilation came nearer. She could remember the rage and melancholy that took over her being as she opened her eyes and examined the wings that protruded from her back and the knowledge that her destiny was ripped away from her. The name Arael was a reminder of that original loss. She was never supposed to be a lion of god. She was never supposed to be an angel stuck on Earth. God had claimed her for himself. He claimed her to be a lion, and all she could do was set her icy gaze on her surroundings and roar until her voice grew hoarse and the burning in her chest faded away.    

What drew you to this character? |

To be honest, I lurked on the admins’ blogs as the RP was originally being promoted. I tend to search for characters I like by quotes and images posted to their tag, and there was one quote on Arael’s tag that caught my attention. I don’t remember what exactly it said, but I knew it meant Arael was a character I needed to keep my eye on.

I love characters with tragedy built into their bones. There’s something so compelling about a character going through hardships and how they react to those hardships. Arael’s power alone showed me that she was a tragic character. To be able to hold everyone’s hope in your hand aside from your own? It seemed like a twisted gift from fate. As I read more, I realized that she was a creature of tragedy. She was pulled from the night sky against her own will. She was made into god’s image without her consent, and forced to endure the knowledge that she had lost her home and her destiny. She stared at the night sky, but she was never truly able to go back to her original home.

I like playing around with grief and how it impacts a character. I like seeing if they drown in their feelings, or if they rise above the grief and move forward with their lives. I think Arael is drowning in her grief. She’s stuck in this tunnel of rage and revenge that will consume her if she’s not careful. She’s blinded by this need, and I find that incredibly interesting to explore. Will she burn out? Will she start a war between the three parties? We’ll have to see.

Her story also kind of reminded me of Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not in a direct way, but there was a storyline where Buffy died and her friends brought her back from heaven and Buffy talked about being in peace before they brought her back. Arael being torn from her fate and made into an angel reminds me of that. The melancholy and grief they both felt from being ripped away from their rightful place. The way everyone notices that mourning. It gave me parallels.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character? |

“Why are you full of anger? Because you are full of grief.”

→ She was happy. For so long, Arael didn’t know what that feeling entailed. She had looked upon her existence as a punishment. She stared at the realm of heaven and only saw a jail cell. Her body was crafted by god, yet all she felt was unfamiliar in her own skin. Uriel had changed that. She had brought a smile to the otherwise stoic angel’s face. She was warmth wrapping itself around Arael’s cold heart. She was that flicker of hope that Arael felt in other people. She was hers, and someone had ripped that away from her. As she stared into her lover’s empty gaze, all she could think about was doing the same to whoever had killed her. She will rip the world apart if that’s what it took to satisfy the grieving of her heart. The only question will be: who will be spared in the end? 

A big part of Arael is her dealing with that loss of her lover and that need for vengeance. I definitely want to explore her seeking out the answers to the murder. I want to see her dragging suspects to be interrogated in the hope that one day the right person will tell her what she wants to know. I want her to endanger innocent lives in her quest for justice. I want her to be so consumed with rage and grief that either herself or others get harmed in the process. She is a star on a collision path, and I want her to burn and burn out during this journey. Most of all, I want her to find the person who did it. I want her to find them, and I want her to kill them. It's the only way for her to be satisfied. It’s the only way for her to put her grief behind her and search for that glimpse of hope again

“You turn the pain into power.”

 → To some, her powers seemed like a blessing. To be able to hold onto someone’s greatest hope was to understand what truly made someone feel at ease. It was the way their eyes sparkled whenever their favorite person walked in a room. It was the passion that would surge through an individual during that last battle of a war. It was a glimpse behind the mask that people often wore, and Arael held all that at her fingertips. To her, this power was another way fate mocked her. She could feel what people’s greatest hopes were. She could fill them up with so much hope that they would be blinded by that desire. She could do so much for other people, but it would never be done for her. She couldn’t fill herself up with that hope. She couldn’t understand that blinding urge that she gave out. What does one do with a gift that serves to remind someone of the very thing they’re lacking?

I want to explore the depths of her power. I think that there’s more to be discovered with her abilities, and I want her to discover exactly what she can do with her gift of hope. I want her to see if her power could be used in the opposite direction. Could she drain someone of their hope? Could she blind someone with utter hopelessness to the point that they see nothing but their dreams slipping from their grasp? I think it would be a dangerous discovery if it were possible. I would also like to see a situation where her gift is irreversible— whether it be gifting hope or taking it away. Perhaps anger clouds her abilities and she over exerts her gift. Perhaps she’s trying to find an ounce of her own hope by filling someone up with so much hope that they become a shell of their former self. I want to push her powers to its limits, and I want Arael to see what sort of consequences are dealt from that discovery. 

“You allow your anger to blind you.”

→  Arael’s been in a fragile state since the death of Uriel. To feel the small hint of hope get ripped out of her hands by an unknown assailant left her in a state of brokenness. She’s blinded by this ideal that she’ll be satisfied with vengeance. She has it built up in her mind that the death of this assailant will bring her the peace that she almost had with Uriel—- the same peace that was ripped away from her by god. What do others feel about this mentality? Do they find it foolish? Do they understand her mentality? Or perhaps they see an opportunity hidden behind those aching eyes? 

I want to explore the concept of manipulation with Arael. I’m usually not fond of manipulation plots, but I feel like Arael’s in such a vulnerable state right now that it might be possible. I want someone to see that anger and despair. I want someone to see this utterly terrifying, broken angel and use it to their advantage. She’s the perfect weapon if used correctly. Her tunnel vision for revenge could easily be directed towards someone’s enemy if they whispered the right words to her. She could start a war if the correct side twisted her enough. I want to see her revenge used for someone’s personal plans. Maybe she kills an innocent person because she was led to believe they were present during her lovers death. Maybe she drags an innocent victim to Abaddon because she was led to believe they had valuable information. I want to see that manipulation, and I want to see the fallout of it. 

“You reach for a soul that forever escapes your grasp.”

→ Arael loved Uriel, or at least it was the closest she ever got to love. The angel had gifted her a slice of hope that she had lacked since her creation, and Arael has been seeking a semblance of that hope since her departure. She feels lost, like she was back to her first years as a star-turned-angel, and she hates that feeling. She hates the emptiness that fills her heart as she watches the mortals her companion once adored. She hates the way she feels so distant from the other angels. Most of all, she hates that their love story ended so abruptly. She misses her with every fiber of her being. One often wonders what they would have their final words be to a loved one, but what if she could have that do over? What if she could catch a glimpse of her again?

I want her to approach Ryuk about contacting her dead lover’s soul. I think there’s a variety of reasons why she would want to talk to Uriel again. I think the most basic one would be that she wants to see her again—- even if it’s only through Ryuk’s words. This was the one person that broke her out of her shell and showed her that the world was worth more than mourning. The most plot related reason would be that she can ask her what her last memory was. Arael has exhausted her options when It comes to possible suspects, so perhaps Uriel could remember who was around during her death or who even caused her to perish. I also like the thought of Uriel advising her against this revenge quest, and Arael refusing to listen. She doesn’t realize that this isn’t what her lover would’ve wanted. She doesn’t realize that she’s doing more harm than good. It’s overall a more personal plot, but it’s good development for her and helps lead to either her collapse or her breakdown at realizing what she’s becoming. 

“Anger was better than tears.”

→  Mortals were the envy of God’s creations. Angels were tasked with protecting them like a dragon protects its treasures. They razed cities, enacted miracles, all for the species that found favor in God’s eyes. Arael was never a mortal. She never understood the significance of their kind. She had no attachments to the beings aside from those tasks formerly given to her. She didn’t care for them like Caphriel did. She didn’t despise them as others might. Her feelings towards them might be classified as indifference. However, the stance changed after the death of Uriel. Eyes that might have had a glimpse of care for the beings shifted into anger at the thought of one of them murdering her beloved. Eyes that casually looked over the beings stuck to watching them with careful eyes. One human in particular has gotten caught within her storm. The question is: will she shatter the tentative peace that held the world together? Perhaps a bigger question is: will she have any regrets if she does? 

Personally, I find the thought of Arael killing Bastien quite sexy. This would be completely up to the Bastien player, but even if it didn’t go that far, I still love the connection. I like the thought of Arael breaking that peace between the three factions. She sees Bastien as this arrogant fool, and she’s bothered by his position of power. How does her Uriel, gentle and kind, die while men like him thrive? It frustrates her. I’d like to see her knock him from his place at the table. Whether this be done through violence or jeopardising his spot amongst the ten would be up to the Bastien player and what they feel comfortable with, but I can work with either one. Arael’s desperate for some sort of vengeance. I think the more she struggles to find the one who killed Uriel, the one she’ll lean into these desires to destroy someone else, and Bastien is the unfortunate victim of her wrathful gaze. 

“You’re a being of isolation.”

→ She is the only one of her kind. No one else knows what it’s like to live amongst the stars. No one else knows what it’s like to be plucked from the night sky and recreated in someone else’s image. No one knows the loneliness that comes with such a fate. The other angels are her brethren, her allies, but they don’t relate to her on that level. She’s a solitary creature, a lone star stuck wandering the earth, and it’s a painful existence. Will she ever figure out that some stars lay in clusters? Will she ever realize that she has the opportunity to shed that loneliness? It’s hard to say. It’s hard to pull herself out of the isolation that she chose from the start. 

I want to explore her dynamic with the other angels. I think Arael struggles with connecting to them due to her origins. She doesn’t have that connection of being formed from the Earth or reborn as an angel. She’s different from the others, and that caused her to separate herself. I want to see how they take her quest of revenge. Surely some of them were close with Uriel, maybe even close with Arael, so perhaps they would support the mission. On the other hand, I’d love to see that disapproval. I want to see them trying to temper her anger only to be met with an icy glare. I’d love to see someone try to talk her down from her grief. She’s blinded by this mentality of an eye for an eye, but she doesn’t realize how that affects her fellow angels. I want them to show her how it affects them. Let them get caught in the crossfires of her vengeance. Let them struggle to pull her away from the brink. I think the angels quietly realizing that this fallen angel, this hollowed soul, might do some real damage would be delicious to watch. 

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Absolutely!  

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation |

They say the story of Arael is a tragic one. She was a burning star plucked from the sky and formed into god's image. She was placed among the angels, meant to stand holy and divine alongside her new brethren, yet she found herself standing alone. This angels story isn’t built on blessings. Her story isn’t a fairytale told to the young mortals in an attempt to sooth them to sleep. No, her tale is built on loss, and that’s what motivates her throughout her journey.

Her original loss is the loss of her original destiny. She was stripped of her purpose, ripped away from her original form and forced into a foreign body. She stared at her reflection and a stranger peered back at her. She examined her wings and only saw the fragments of her former self embedded within her feathers. She destroyed cities on God’s behalf, and yet all she could feel was a hollowness in her chest. Loss was her mentality within this point. That acknowledgment of what she’s become and how to endure that was her guiding factor in her initial years of life as an immortal being.

The next stage of loss was the loss of her hopelessness. Uriel had dragged her away from that hole she tucked herself in. The fellow angel opened her eyes to the possibilities of life, and for the first time, Arael’s world wasn’t a bleak landscape. She had color in her vision. She had a slight light in her eyes. Her smile wasn’t forced. She was learning what it was like to look at life as an adventure rather than a chain wrapped around her ankle. This stage of loss was a good thing. It was a stage of growth for the distant angel. She lost that depression that overcame her during her early years. She lost that emptiness that had wrapped itself around her like a blanket.

This latest stage of loss is the cruelest of them all. This burning star, this cold-eyed angel was finally learning the most human of experiences: death. She felt that small sliver of hope rip away from her as she held Uriel’s prone form in her arms. Her body shook with anger as she realized she was once again alone. Her motivation stems from the impact of that loss and the grief that nestled inside her heart. She’s driven to revenge. Her eyes are blinded by the need to punish the person that ripped that hope from her. A part of her knows this is a dangerous path. She knows what happens to stars that burn too brightly. Yet, the loss keeps her locked in its grasp. If she is to burn out, if she is to be destroyed, let it be with the knowledge that she has conquered the loss that has been trailing after her for years. 

In-Character Para Sample | 

“I brought another one.”

The history behind her statement was not lost on her. Each week she’d latch onto a lead. Each week she’d drag them into the heart of the black cells. Each week she’d watch Abaddon pull out any sort of answers they might have buried in their chest. Each week she’d feel the bitterness of disappointment settle on her tongue as she realized she reached another dead end. It ended the same every time. It couldn’t end the same way this time.

Her eyes traced over the features of her latest endeavor. His porcelain skin and almost white hair reminded her of Uriel, but the resemblance wouldn’t help him out of his fate. She had plucked him out of the crowd in hopes that he had any recollection of that fateful night. With each individual, She wanted a direction. She felt herself grasping at ghosts as the figures from her memory dwindled, and this feeling of loss was becoming all too familiar. 

She released her hold on the boy and watched him try to scramble his way out of the cells. Mortals always seemed to have that reaction. Their fight or flight kicked in, trying to make sense of the location they were forced into, before finally realizing the fight was for nothing. They will leave once she gets the answers she’s seeking. 

And yet, the boy wasn’t providing those answers. She watched him endure the torture despite the pain it brought him. She watched him fighting back tears, denying pain until it couldn’t be denied anymore, and yet still the answers remained behind clenched teeth.  

“Again.” 

Her voice was strong as she stared at the bleeding, frightened human before her. She refused to accept that she had reached another dead end. She clung to her quest with sharp claws, and she refused to release her grip for even a second. She was a vengeful angel, a flame with no mercy in sight, and all would endure the burning until she felt satisfied. 

Her eyes flicked upwards to meet Abaddon’s, but she didn’t turn away. She didn’t care if the demon saw the hurt in her eyes or the flash of desperation that would spill out every time a mortal came to her with no answers. Maybe the demon had the same look when they got tossed out of god’s favor. Arael didn’t ask. Their relationship wasn’t built on sharing stories or reminiscing over almost forgotten memories. Their relationship was a mutual understanding--- a knife and the being that wields the instrument. 

“Do it again until I say otherwise.” Do it again until I can hold any sort of answers in my hand. Do it again until the ache in my chest disappears for a second.

Arael watched the mortal flinch at Abaddon’s nod with cold, unfazed eyes. The scream that erupted from the boy’s mouth would make others grieve, but it only reminded her of the hollowness inside of her. She felt nothing as she watched the pain on his face. She felt only her own rage trying to crawl out of her chest. Perhaps this is what it meant to be a star. Perhaps this was her destiny all along---- to burn from the inside out until nothing but a hollow shell remained. 

And perhaps she’ll succumb to her destiny, but only after the grieving in her heart is satisfied. She’ll burn up, but she’ll bring the person responsible for her demise with her. 

Extras | 

Inspo tag: https://elidclochan.tumblr.com/tagged/insp%3A-arael

Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/aesthctics/insp-arael/

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Marcel Herman:

Marcel Herman is a warlock and a former teacher from Hawthorne’s School For Extraordinary Young Men.

Do. Not. Trust. This. Man...

He’s almost worse than Damien, and as slimy as he is. Since after all, Marcel is the one who taught Damien the most at Hawthorne,  he encouraged his prowess and taught him quite a few of his sick values. He told Damien to be better than the witches, to take what he needed and wanted and to not let anyone else take it away from him. But it’s this kind of attitude that got him fired from Hawthorne as John Henry thought that he was a horrible influence on their students, and too ‘fucked up’ for them.

And he’s also a complete asshole to both Amy and Shinsou, and a misogynist as he thinks that the witches are nothing but ‘self-righteous cows’, but something of a racist as he mocks Amy and Shinsou by saying ‘I thought your people were supposed to be smart’.

Marcel is someone I wanted to be a very, VERY bad man, as he embodies some of the worst in humanity. I thought about Aizawa and All-Might and how Horikoshi writes them as good, compassionate teachers because they ARE. And I made Marcel the complete opposite, because sometimes other characters can give you ideas for a similar or opposite character. Marcel is the complete opposite of those two.

He’s a grown-man who knows how children’s minds work for the most part, and knows how they’re much more emotional and less put-together than adults like him are, and uses that to his advantage. He’s extremely toxic, horrible and sick-minded as well, and he’s got no excuse either, he simply feels entitled and insane enough to believe that his ideals are what’s going to make the world ‘better’ even though he literally wants to spread his poison to the world because he believes that his influence is what’s going to make everything ‘right’. Even though his influence involves literally poisoning everyone, to create ‘newer and better beings’ while killing off the originals and allowing him to seize control and power over them.

Story: 

He first appears to Amy and Shinsou during the former’s days in isolation at her mansion, particularly after Shinsou’s time during the Joint Training Arc. Amy and Shinsou were merely spending a day together as Madison, Mallory and Coco were spending a day together in Tokyo to relax. Amy spotted the mysterious warlock outside her gates and she instantly attacks upon seeing him. However, Marcel attempts to appeal to her by saying he means no harm and wishes to speak with the only other young witch in Japan. Naturally, Shinsou is skeptical of him and tells her that he has to be some evil old bastard, although Amy wants to hear him out since she assumed that she, Madison, Mallory and Coco were the only witches in Japan. Marcel requested help with an experiment, but Amy got a bad vibe from him and told him to leave as she only helps if someone is going to die.

Taking her remark literally, he uses his giant squid-like monster to enrapture Shinsou into it’s tentacles much to his shock and horror and remarks to Amy that ‘now someone is going to die’. 

Alarmed and disgusted, Shinsou attempts to break free from the tentacles that wrapped around his torso, until Marcel warns him that it’s a ‘bad idea’, and Amy immediately tries to attack the warlock, but he immediately stops her attack via Concilium. Marcel then gives Amy an ultimatum, as he wanted her to retrieve DNA from a student of 1-A or any powerful individual for him to keep for an experiment, otherwise he’ll wake up his dormant monster to strangle, kill and impregnate Shinsou.

Panicking and not wanting to imagine that horrible fate, Shinsou screams for Amy to get someone’s DNA fast as the tentacles were beginning to wrap themselves tighter around him. Marcel gave Amy no choice, as the witch ran every way, which way to find DNA from a classmate, and eventually but reluctantly settled on retrieving DNA from Todoroki, who offered a few strands of his hair for her to use.

Although Amy didn’t explain herself, she cheerfully took the DNA pieces and gave it to Marcel. But when Amy demands that he free Shinsou, Marcel admits that he lied about letting him live and awoke his monster and had gotten ready to kill and impregnate Shinsou, only for Amy to intervene and pry it away from his body with her telekinesis. Unfortunately, this angered Marcel as he fought with her, using his monster as his back-up as a horrified Shinsou picked himself up to help his friend.

Their efforts were good, but Marcel proved to be a very effective and experienced warlock as he used the ground to trap Shinsou and exerted his powerful Concilium over Amy. Marcel talks about his plans to use UA as his new ‘lab’ since he wanted to use the students and teachers for his sick experiments and offer them up as bait and ‘hosts’ for his squid monster much to Amy’s horror.  

Marcel attempted to appeal to her by the use of emotional manipulation by tricking her into believing she wanted them to suffer, but Amy, who knew she never wanted that, calls him sick as she becomes all the more determined to stop him. Only for a sadistic Marcel to tell her that she will never save her friends as his squid monster approaches her and he told it to kill her. Thankfully, Iida and Yaoyorozu had arrived to visit Amy at her mansion to check up on her, but Marcel seizes the opportunity to attack them as he immediately goes after them. The two teens quickly fight back as soon as Marcel threatens them, but Marcel is much too powerful as he takes Yaoyorozu hostage and his monster traps Iida. 

Fearful for her friend’s lives, this gives her the boost of adrenaline to use her telekinesis to make her dagger stab Marcel in the back, forcing him to let go of Yaoyorozu and using all her might to retract the monster with Sentio Compassios to free Iida. Marcel tried to plead with her to let him go, but an enraged Amy threw him and his monster at an extremely far distance. As Amy frees Shinsou from the ground and rescues Iida and Yaoyorozu, she tearfully hugs her friends who quickly console her.

Personality:

Marcel calls himself ‘man of science’ as he utilizes both magic and science together, believing it to be the only way to ‘change the world’, and views himself as a visionary because he thinks that his fucked up ideas are the only thing that can make the world better. But in actuality he’s a twisted, vile man who has no empathy for anybody or any other humans, including his fellow warlocks and witches as he deemed the other warlocks as ‘idiots’ for not believing in his insane ideals.

His lack of empathy is shown when he not only threatens Shinsou’s life but when he laughs at Amy’s hopelessness and tears when she thought Shinsou was going to be killed. Marcel is not exactly a sociopath as he understands empathy from other people, and uses it against them, but does not seem capable of it himself and is far too self-centered to feel genuine affection for anybody else. Although he is fond of his squid-like creature, calling it his ‘child’.

Despite this disturbing trait, Marcel is somewhat kooky and eccentric as he has a very dry but messed up sense of humor as he cracked very bad jokes about Shinsou’s situation when he had his squid trap him. And is also sarcastic as he can taunt and mock other heroes who approach him.

Marcel is also unbothered by horrifying things that others have done, as he is aware of others who have performed human experimentation such as Overhaul and Dr. Ujiko. He showed little to no shock, and instead noted that they were ‘sloppy’ in the execution of their ideas since they got caught by the heroes, but at the same time thought that they had the right ideas.

Marcel: (To Amy) Surely you know the name of the man Kai Chisaki?

Amy: (clenches her fists, tearing up when she thinks about Magne) Yeah… I do… he killed my friend… one of these days… he’s going to die for that…

Marcel: (not at all sympathetic) That man had quite an idea… I wouldn’t mind reverting the human population back to their natural states. Only us witches and warlocks should have the power after all so I give him those ‘mad props’… And Dr. Ujiko… (Amy looks confused) He’s a doctor too you see? He made those Nomu creatures you and your friends fought off… rather ugly in my opinion. But also…brilliant. It’s just that... how they did it was sloppy, very sloppy... child’s play even, I mean they got caught. What kind of villain gets caught? 

Marcel aimed to make his experiments better, taking new inspiration from the two villains. However, the mad scientist he felt the most inspired by was Dr. Arthur Arden/Hans Gruper, the nazi doctor who worked at the abandoned Briarcliff Manor asylum, but also viewed the serial killer Dr. Oliver Thredson/Bloody Face as an enlightened and fascinating man. These two individuals who were some of the most inhumane and vile human beings Amy had done her research on and despised with every ounce of her being as Dr. Arden was a Nazi, and Bloody Face was a serial killer and rapist.

The warlock wanted to be better than them, and so he did his own human experimentation, starting with a woman he felt an attraction to. He was fascinated by the squid species, particularly cuttlefish and octopuses. Through a series of magic, potions and a dead squid, he would kidnap the woman he felt attracted to and used her for his twisted experiments which is what resulted in the giant squid-like creature that accompanies him, as she ‘gave birth’ to the monster according to him. He fondly calls it ‘their child’ much to Amy’s immense disgust.

He’s extremely cruel by nature and has a sadistic side as he took joy in seeing Amy’s misery and fear over the lives of her friends, and even smiled when his creature almost killed Shinsou. As Marcel had no problem murdering people, including teenagers, and had no problem killing bystanders because he didn’t hesitate to attack and threaten the lives of Iida and Yaoyorozu. At those same times, Marcel also displayed a twisted sense of humor even as he was going to murder him in what would have been his final moments.

Marcel: (To Amy) Well! You succeeded and got me what I needed but because I need him more for my work and all... say good-bye to your friend. (To Shinsou) Just a warning kid it’s going to hurt like hell so... feel free to pray unless... you don’t do that of course not EVERYONE is religious but... either way it won’t help. (chuckles)

Shinsou: (being smothered by the creature as it prepares to impregnate him, his mouth covered by a strong appendage) NOOOOOOOOOO!!

He’s an arrogant man, arrogant enough to believe that his ideals and plans for humanity are going to make everything better. But he was also extremely proud of his skills as a warlock, as he claims that he was able to defeat John Henry Moore and Behold Chablis when they tried to confront him and he would have killed them had Cordelia not stepped in. Marcel’s arrogance is still apparent though, as he laughs off the pro-heroes as a joke when Iida and Yaoyorozu attempted to intimidate him when he caught them. 

However, Marcel is also extremely cowardly at the same time as he let his monster take care of Iida, while he himself held Yaoyorozu, a young girl, hostage. His cowardice shows when he pleaded for Amy to spare him despite what he did to her friends and as a result Amy threw him into the sky. Likewise,  he only came to Amy when other witches such as Madison, Mallory and Coco weren’t around and attacked her when she was alone and vulnerable because he knew that she and Shinsou wouldn’t have been able to take him on alone. A pragmatic move but also a display of cowardice as he also panicked when he thought that Madison or Mallory had returned.

Even though he’s a coward, Marcel is also a very vindictive and petty man, as he plans to get revenge on Amy after what she did to him and for foiling his ideas and is still currently out there. Plotting. As he still has Todoroki's DNA given to him by Amy as well as DNA from Amy herself and Shinsou.

Abilities:

Marcel appears to be a frail man, and is physically weak, but his magic is extremely powerful enough to take on more than 30 warlocks and witches all by himself. As he’s extremely proficient in Telekinesis, Concilium, Teleportation and Spellcraft, as well as Scrying as it’s what he used to find and track down Amy. 

Although he is mad, he was a pretty good scientist who created deadly potion, including one that allowed one to take the appearance of another using their DNA. Which is the potion that he forced Amy to help him make and later told her why he wanted someone else’s DNA. 

Another potion he created is what he claims to be the ‘cure to quirks’, as he felt inspired by Chisaki’s Quirk-Erasing Bullets, but named this potion the ‘Eradication’ potion. He designed it to be better, without relying on the DNA of another human to erase a quirk. As this potion can completely one’s DNA, eliminating their mutations and any semblance of supernatural or magic in them as he used the means of several spells and other antibodies to create it. He states that this potion will actually work on witches and warlocks, unlike the Quirk-Erasing bullets as he hypothesizes that they can’t work on witches or warlocks, since their magic comes from the light and other sources and not just their DNA.

And he also successfully created his squid-creature through horrible means to be both a pet and a killer of his enemies, but also act as a breeding mule to create ‘new beings’ and replicate the ones his squid impregnates.

So there he is... wow... he’s even worse than Damien... I hate him XD He’s stuck on an island but he’s going to come back... and I’m going to make sure he suffers I promise. I’m talking chainsaws.. because at the time Amy just wanted to get rid of him and rescue her friends, next time she sees him... it will NOT be pretty but it will be EPIC. 

[marshmallowprotection]

Honeysuckle

(READ ON AO3)

Description: Fate seemed to have other plans in store for Saeran and Saeyoung Choi then what they ever expected. One path that is bathed in the light and the other is drowned in the darkness. They are taking different roads and what will happen when those roads diverge? One time will tell their fates and if they're destined to be happy or wrought with sorrow.

Vampire AU.

Pairing(s): Choi Saeran/Original Female Character(s), Choi Saeran/Original Female Character(s), Choi Luciel/Main Character/Original Male Character(s)

Past Chapters: Chapter Two | [TBA]

Act III

Saeran hated what he had become with every fiber of his being that no words could be used to describe the indisputable pain that he was experiencing.

He was changed into something against his will and even though he had escaped that wretched woman and run away from Rika, he still wasn't free from the wounds they inflicted on him. Even in freedom, shackles still dug into the flesh on his ankles and held him down. 

He was doomed to living like a monster for the rest of his unnatural life and he hated himself. He who sucked the life from others like a leech to survive. He truly was a bug, and they had been right. Perhaps that thinking was why he found himself sitting on the ledge of a bridge in the middle of the night. 

His feet kicked over the edge and eyes staring down at the water below. It was raging and rushing along jagged rocks that would likely kill or mane a human at the very least if they took a stumble or hopped over the edge. 

Would it be enough to destroy him? He wondered. 

Nothing had worked thus far and he doubted this would do it. All he could think about was freeing himself from the chains thrust upon him. He thought he would be free in death, but as a Vampire, he was no more free then he had been as a breathing human. 

He dug his nails into the palm of his hand as firmly as he could. It would bring no blood and even if he hurt himself out would heal in a matter of seconds. He would never again feel the pain that many mortals did and while that may have felt like a dream after years of feeling the worst pain one could ever feel; It was turning into a miserable reality. 

He knew no pain but he knew what it felt like to be denied the very things he always wanted. This was the curse of eternal life. 

What he longed for and loved was taken from him.

The ability to choose what he wanted to do with his life and have nobody stopping him from what he wanted to do. That’s what he had longed for and now he had to live this damned life without a choice. Never again would he see the sun or feel its rays against his skin… at least, not in the way that he wanted.

The Savior… no, Rika, had forced him to feel the sunshine in this damned body and it hurt more than anything he had ever experienced. Even the memory of the pain he had suffered for a year at her hand brought shivers down his spine as well as the memory of the pain on his flesh.  He would be damned if he allowed himself to think about it. 

Whips… chains… locks… ropes… they were nothing compared to the burn of the sun. 

Saeran felt ill just trying to ward those thoughts away. 

He had spent the last few months trying to fight his urges and get rid of himself when the weight of his actions took over his body; And, he felt the guilt of taking lives and drinking the blood from innocent people who didn't deserve a leech such as him draining from their life. 

Nothing that he ever did to himself worked, unfortunately, and no matter how much he clawed at himself or prayed this undead suffering would go and come to an end, it never did. His body always healed itself when wounds appeared. 

It was just like the universe was playing a cruel and sick joke on him. That was all Saeran Choi was. A big fat joke for the cosmos to laugh at and play with. 

Nothing more and nothing less. 

He felt like a monster and he was a real monster, just as people had always told him that he would turn out to be. As Saeran stared down at the water below his feet, he really prayed that this suffering would come to an end. 

He stood up and took a breath that his lungs did not need. 

Then, he started to count down from ten in the back of his head and just as he reached the number seven, a voice rang out in his ears- 

“I guess somebody beat me here.”

“...?” 

He turned his head and the breeze picked up, giving him a view of a girl in a white dress and a barely thick enough jean jacket over her shoulders. The wind blew her hair from her face and revealed somber brown eyes that he suddenly felt the weight off as soon as he saw them. The faint rings of red around her eyes were from crying.

He knew that all too well. 

His hand rested against the rail, “You too, then?” Saeran inquired, quietly. 

She didn't move but her eyes never lost that sad sheen to them. This was strange and new to him. She saw him but she wasn't running away from him like every other person that had seen him thus far had done. Had she not seen the reds of his eyes? The thirst he was fighting? 

“I suppose so,” she admitted. 

Her blood was likely very sweet. He could sense that much. The energy that surrounded her felt like it might have been as warm as the sun but he didn’t know for certain.  This tiny girl in front of him couldn't have been any taller than just tall enough to meet his shoulder at the tip of her head, and yet, he was more fearful of her then she was of him at that moment. 

It wasn't her he feared, it was his bloodlust. 

He had taken to surviving on animals when he could do so, and while that blood did help him feel like he could go on, it was never anything compared to the energy that he gained from humans. He could control himself from the short supply but the thirst in the back of his throat left him begging for more no matter how hard he protested. 

He wouldn’t go into a frenzy now. 

It grew quiet. 

The sounds of her footsteps rang in his eyes when he looked back down at the water below them. 

She sat down on the other side of the poll next to him and looked to where he was looking. It was just the two of them, seemingly contemplating the same act. He knew why he felt everything was hopeless but now he was struck with the question of why somebody like this girl would think this way. 

She kept her gaze trained on the ground and water, “I've been coming here a lot lately at night. I haven't seen you before.”

“...I'm not from here,” Saeran replied. 

“Well, you picked a beautiful spot for what it's worth, stranger,” she continued. “You can't see it right now but the riverbed is covered in Tiger Lily. They're in bloom right now, and they've never been more lovely. As often as I come here I felt like there should have been something worth looking at while I think about everything.”

Saeran looked more closely at the grass. His vision was made for the night and nothing could escape that. This was the day time for beings such as himself and likewise, he had the power to see more than she could ever see. 

He could see the flowers she spoke of below them and she was right. They were beautiful. 

They were living next to this raging body of water with sharp rocks and rough seas. It was strange how flowers could bloom in spots where they didn't seem likely. They weren’t very common to this very particular spot but their orange tint breathed life into the area of green grass and grey rocks. 

“I planted them,” the girl said as if answering his thoughts for him. “They’re said to bring positivity when used in the right circumstances, you know. I figured if I felt horrible enough to come here, I may stop myself from doing something if I saw life instead of death. I don’t always feel like I can keep going but if the flowers can thrive in areas like that… I don’t know. Maybe all this suffering can exist alongside something beautiful. There’s no reason for pain to exist but it does… but there are so many good things that are alive at the same time. If a flower can persist through the onslot of what appears to be a bad area then why couldn’t those who feel the same way not go on?” 

This woman was clearly miserable. 

Yet, she was trying to find some good reason to push off her intent to see if there was any happiness to be had. Saeran found himself looking at her now instead of the forty-foot drop. She felt his gaze on her form so she turned her head to "over at him with a weak smile. 

“I realize that sounds kind of silly,” she mumbled. “It’s like when you tell people that your only friends are the flowers in your garden.”

He shook his head, “I don’t think it’s silly… to be honest with you, I used to do something similar when I was a child.” 

There was suddenly a spark of life in those brown eyes as she gazed upon him. That false smile changed ever so slightly into a little genuine one. “Would it be odd of me to ask if you would rather talk tonight instead of jumping?”

Saeran found himself telling her that, “Not at all.” 

They would continue to meet nightly for several days after that night. Saeran would find himself listen to everything that she had to say about her life and about her struggles. 

She was the youngest child of two and everybody expected her to live up to the height that her older sibling had met. She fought to be better than anyone else in the world but she always failed in the eyes of her parents. 

She never felt like she was good enough. 

Yet, he couldn’t see the failure that she continued to say she saw when she looked into the mirror. This girl went beyond what was expected for her by others. Meaning she did everything and more then what her family did.  

She worked most of the shifts at her family’s shop and she would always make a point of slipping stickers and a flower or two to a child when they came into the room. She even went as far as to always do the needed chores and never let anyone else take care of them. 

Her days were busy and her nights were busy. She seemingly never had any rest but she was always trying to outdo the day before the last. 

Saeran saw himself in her struggles. The long days that never had an end in sight and the time that went into trying to be a better person for somebody would never be fully satisfied with anything you did. That was the life that he had been leading for such a long time. He knew what it felt like to be suffocating. 

Perhaps that was why it was so easy for him to speak with her about his own fears. 

Of course, he would never admit the full story, and he omitted a lot of information to protect himself from the truth. But, it was the first time in years that he had been able to speak to anyone about what was bothering him. How much trepidation he felt about his caretakers, how he missed his brother and also felt like he hated him, and how he felt like he was a waste of space. 

How he had no choice but to listen to the woman that was supposed to protect him from danger and neglect… how she warped his memory until he felt like he was going to go numb… how he ran away the first chance he got and the instance he realized that he needed to get out if he wanted to feel like he was in control of his actions and choices.  

It went a little something like that. 

She never spoke over him and she always heard him out until the very last word came out.

It felt like he was letting go of a weight that he didn’t even realize he had been holding in as he spoke about his pain and turmoil. He had thought that he had no choice but to end himself to make the pain stop, but it turned out that the pain could also be released just by talking about it. 

Don’t get him wrong, it still hurt him. It just felt like he wasn’t balling it up to deal with on his own anymore. It was just that when he was with Lila… he felt like he was human again. He felt like what had been taken from him didn’t matter. She breathed life back into him and he desperately wanted her to believe that her life had meaning. 

If he could do anything, he would want to stay close to her until her life played out. If the universe was giving him a chance to do something good, he would take it. If his undead life meant anything at all he would use it to ensure that her smile would exist as long as it possibly could ever grace the Earth with its presence. 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Weeks would pass by without either of them noticing it. Day in and day out… Saeran would spend every evening that he could with Lila. She gave him something to do, and he provided her with the company that she had always wished to have at her side in the lonely garden of her life. 

Much of the time he simply offered to help complete her work, and she graciously accepted. He may not have been able to lighten her stress but he could do something to make her feel like she wasn’t alone. 

At first, that meant that helped her piece together flowers for bouquets. Other times, she’d be nice enough to relent and let him help her take care of thorns and bramble. He didn’t want her to get cut, partially because he wasn’t sure if he could handle her blood, but partly because she had very delicate hands. 

He often let his mind wander to the chance if he would have met her before what happened to him had taken away his power to exist as a mortal.

Would he have been able to enjoy days in the sun with her? Would she have smiled at him from afar underneath a shady tree as his hands rested in a bit of dirt, tending to flowers? Would she have been content if he made her tea to enjoy? Would she have wanted to hold his hand and disappear into the ever expansion flora and fauna? 

Most of all, would she want to be around him? 

Sometimes he feared that he was using the allure and charm that vampires had to make her like him so much but he wasn’t consciously trying to do that. He always avoided her eyes and tried to keep his distance even though he desperately wanted to hold her hand. So, it couldn’t have been that that was making her want to be around him.

Lila genuinely seemed to like him.  

He really couldn’t wrap his head around that one. What was that feeling and how did he ever begin to understand what that felt like? Everyone else on this planet seemed to know what they were doing and how to handle these feelings and Saeran didn't have a clue. Nobody had ever liked him. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to handle that feeling. It was buzzing and made his head feel faint. His knees felt wobbly and he felt tonguetied. Saeran didn’t have a word for the feeling that he had but he was greedy for it, and he wished to feel more of it. 

Of her eyes on him… of her smile towards him… that kindness that she shared with him. He wanted to feel all of it and more. Perhaps that was after being around her for such a long time, he felt like he really needed to be honest with her about what he was feeling. He had never been a selfish man but God, her smile made him feel so at peace. Was this what they meant when they said that there was somebody in the world that existed just for you? He wanted to know if she felt the same way. 

Now, Saeran didn't really think that she would care for him in the same way that he had come to care for her in the last couple of weeks but that didn't mean that he couldn't tell her how he felt and how much she mattered to him. 

“Lila,” he found himself saying very late one night as the moon began to set. “I want to meet you in at the garden’s center tomorrow evening.”

She looked up from the book that she was reading at the time, the two of them had just been enjoying each other’s company. Neither of them had really said anything. Saeran had been laid back against the grass and she was catching up on something she hadn’t been able to finish for weeks. They were both holding onto the other’s hand. 

She gave him a squeeze. 

“Do you know the way on your own?” she teased, playfully. “I don’t think I’ve taken you there before, Saeran. What if I’m waiting all evening and you don’t show up because you got lost in the patch of the forest of icy patches?” 

“I promise I won’t fall into a pit of ivy,” his tone was deadpan. “I’m not as clumsy as you are. I had to pull you out of a briar brush the other day, you know? That’s much more dangerous than a bit of poison ivy.”

“Well, as long as you promise not to make trouble or bring up that story again to anyone if they ask you for a story about my great escapades. I guess it’s a date,” Lila smiled. “I hope to see you by the fountain before dawn.”

Saeran didn’t look in her direction because he didn’t think he could handle seeing what her face looked like underneath the moon’s glow.

“A date, huh?”

Little did Saeran know that this may be the last time that he sees Lila. 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

It was late into the evening when Lila found herself lost deep in the winding path of the expansion gardens. 

It wasn’t that she was lost, per se, it was that she waded so deep into the brush and bramble and didn’t look over her shoulder with the intention of going back early. She knew this area by heart and no map was required to carry her to the heart of the area. 

Her heart was in a flurry. 

Beating in a hurried tap, tap, tap as she thought of him. 

She might have even said that she was excited at the prospect of the night ahead. 

Even since she had started spending all of her evenings out speaking to Saeran, it felt like she was simply rejuvenated and ready to keep on living. Where the world had once felt dull and lifeless, it now felt as though there were a reason and a purpose for it. 

The pain and struggle had an end in sight. At least, that’s what she would say if somebody inquired of her opinion. 

Every moment that she spent with Saeran, she felt the weight of the world fall from her body. In a lifetime that had been nothing but frustration and a fight to feel deserving of the love that should have been given from the start, she felt as though she had finally found a source of compassion. 

That wasn’t required to be given to her the kind that was rarely given by family. Someone who cared for her of their own free will and didn’t make her feel guilty for it. No, when she saw his smile, it felt like fireworks set off in her quaking heart. 

When her hand brushed against his…

Nothing mattered except the two of them. 

Lila almost couldn’t stop the gentle laugh from escaping her lips as she thought of how he spoke when he said that he wanted to see her tonight. How important it was that they speak about something. He had never been so prudent or so focused. He was always quiet and thoughtful when they were together that the spark in his eyes made her feel strange. 

When he looked into her eyes… he spoke with intention. There was something that he wanted to say but he wanted to do it in the right place and at the right time. His voice still left tingles down her spine; If it hadn’t been the hour coming close to sunrise, he might have said what he wanted to say without warning. 

He just always seemed to be busy during the day time doing all kinds of things.

Lila couldn’t help but wonder what he did during the day. She would sleep for a bit and then catch up on all of her work that needed to be done. But what did he do? Why was he always working so hard and then seemingly not tired for a moment when she was with him during the night? 

Saeran only said that it was something where he could be holed up inside all day. That just sounded a lot like offices, she assumed often. That could be a place where you felt like there was nothing but the stark white walls around you. A sea of nothing but endless work and no fun to be had in the long run when work was crucial. 

That’s why she was more than happy to spend the night with him underneath the moonlight where there were no walls, no ceilings, just space overhead alongside the moon, stars, and the ever expansive universe. 

Whatever he was dealing with seemed to go away when he was outside. There had to be countless worries on his mind yet a flower could bring a smile to his face.  His eyes would light up when she showed him flowers that he had not seen in person. 

For somebody who had been unable to go outside a lot as a kid… he filled his imagination with as much information as he could gather about the world. She thought that she knew a lot about the world but he had answers before she could even rake her brain to remember if she knew the answer to a question, and she would always wind up pouting. 

Saeran was a brillant person. 

It was such a shame and horrible to think that nobody saw the worth in him when he had so much to offer to others. Lila saw in his eyes the spark of compassion. He may have looked a little rough around the edges but one should never judge a book by their cover. After all, what kind of person would she be if she thought differently of somebody for favoring leather over ribbons? 

He may have looked dark and gloomy but he was every much as bright as she appeared to be to others on a good day. He may have instinctively assumed the opposite when he saw her in the light. With her petticoats and childish bows, nobody might have ever thought that somebody like her was as depressed as she was. 

Perhaps that’s why they blended so well together. 

They weren’t what people thought of them and the empathy that existed over mistranslations was stronger in numbers. 

“...” 

Lila found herself at the center of the garden after fifteen minutes of the endless path. She took a long way around instead of the shortcut. She wanted to give Saeran time to show up if he wanted to be the first to arrive, but if he wasn’t there before she was, she would still be happy nonetheless. 

She stepped out from the maze and felt her feet brush against the cobblestone and took a look around to see if anyone was around. 

Darn. 

There was no one that she could see, which meant that she had beaten Saeran to here tonight. That wasn’t such a bad thing. It gave her time to think over what he may want to speak about and if it may have been what she thought it was. 

She walked forward until she was out of the cover the brush and out in the open. This area had been paved over just a smidge to cover enough area for a fountain to be dead center as the rest of the garden was far more natural with man-made pathways that didn’t intrude too much into the natural order of things. 

This was the last place that she had yet to show him so it was possible that may have lost his way even with the directions that she had told him with a smile. Well, he would figure it out sooner or later if she waited long enough. After all, she had no place to be tonight but here. She could wait until the sun rose if it meant that she could see him again. 

Lila smiled. Her day just didn’t feel right she couldn’t at least speak to him once. These past few weeks had been the happiest in her life. She decided that she would settle into waiting for him. She took a seat on the edge of the fountain and looked up at the stars and waited for the time to pass. 

She didn’t know how long she had been waiting after some time had passed but what she did know was that it was far later then it had ever been for him to arrive. He would always show up before this hour, she thought with a worried grimace. 

What was the hold-up? 

Where could he be? 

Was he making her wait this long on purpose? No, that didn’t seem like something that Saeran would do. He wasn’t that kind of a jokester, at least, she was pretty sure that he wasn’t. She pursed her lips and glanced around once more to see if he was coming.

This time, her gaze rested on a shadowed figure that stood in the darkness. The moon was covered by the clouds and it was too dark to make out any features that showed their identity. 

Lila stood up and narrowed her eyes to see if she could make out the form but nope, she couldn’t tell who it was from her vantage point. It didn’t seem like it was Saeran. He would always say that it was him when he arrived and whoever this was just standing and watching her from far.

Something in the air didn’t feel right, and her body was screaming at her to run. “Saeran?” she asked, hesitantly. 

The lone figure did not budge, “Is there anything more like a fairytale than a maiden waiting for her prince to arrive for a chance encounter late at night? I would say there’s nothing more lovely than that to a girl with nothing but daydreams in her heart. The longing gaze in your eyes tells me you know the pleasure of what it feels like to be sought out by another person with love in their hearts. Isn’t that just lovely?” 

That voice was feminine. She didn’t know that voice, either. People weren’t supposed to be on the grounds this late at night. That meant that this person had intentions that could have been anything from bad to good. Lila took a step back without even thinking about it, “Excuse me, miss? You aren’t supposed to be here.” 

“Oh? But, you aren’t supposed to be here, either, dear,” the figure stepped out of the darkness at just the right moment for the moon to come out from the clouds. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you should never be alone this late at night without someone to accompany you? Don’t you know what kind of monsters are waiting for pretty girls like you?” 

What was this woman getting at? Monsters? That was something that you would tell a child to scare them for fun. 

Well, she wasn’t a child and she had spent more time out in the woods than anyone else to be scared of a few wild animals. This was her family’s land and she had every right to be on it whereas this stranger didn’t have the blessing to be there. 

Nobody was going to tell her that she couldn’t be where she had the right to do as she pleased. This woman, on the other hand, did not belong here. Lila’s gut was telling her that this woman was no good.

“I’m not alone,” Lila said, quickly. “My… my friend isn’t far away. He was coming to meet me tonight, not that it’s any of your business.”

Her hair was a golden yellow. She looked like she had been kissed by the sun with those perfect locks that curled around her face. She was wearing a simple black dress and heels that gave her the aura of power. 

Her lips were curled into what you could call a smile, “Hahaha… oh, you must be mistaken about that one. Any business that involves my dear Saeran will always involve me, little one. I know you’re the one that has been filling his head with nonsense lately.” 

This woman knew Saeran?

Saeran had said that he didn’t know anyone in this area and the people that he walked away from were miles and miles away from this place. How could somebody know him? He didn’t want to be known by a lot of people. 

Unless… unless they had been following him to see where he went. That was the only explanation that made sense. 

Her stomach twisted in knots at that realization as soon as it struck her head. He had said that he had run away to get far from his caretaker as she had done a lot of ill things to him in the past few years. It hadn’t been something he went into detail of, but it was bad enough that he couldn’t say more than just that. 

Footsteps rang in her ears as the woman began to approach Lila. Her pace was slow but that look in her eyes spoke of danger that dare never be spoken into life lest it actually occurs.  Lila began to step back until she could no longer put any more space between the two of them. Her back brushed against the tall hedge and her heart rate began to take flight. 

“I thought he was just throwing a tantrum. You know, as children will tend to do after some time, they throw fits and get angry with their parents because they don’t understand what’s good for them. I let him get away for a little while to cool off and sort of those silly little thoughts in his head, and it would have been alright if he hadn’t taken spending all of his time with a human,” her tone was so bubbly and yet so icy at the same time. 

“That wouldn’t have been so bad if he had decided to play with you. I thought if he got close to one of you, he would realize just how breakable and stupid you are all. He would realize humans are nothing but obsolete beings with false love in their hearts. You could have brought out the devil in him for me, and for that, I may have rewarded you if he didn’t break his plaything to pieces.” 

She was so close to Lila now that she could see it. 

Lila saw the truth in this woman’s eyes and the truth was painted red. It was as red as a rose or as red as her blood pouring through her veins. It was unnatural, unfeeling, and wrought with pure animosity. This woman… she was a monster, and this monster wanted nothing more than kill her and leave her to rot. 

A hand reached out and brushed against Lila’s cheek. It was as cold as Saeran’s had been but strangely… colder. Lila shivered and trembled. Her body wanted her to run but her brain seemingly understood that if she ran, things would be much worse. She might not even get away if she tried to make a break for it. 

This person wasn’t human. 

No, she was a devil in human form. 

“If he won’t break you… if he refuses to stop acting like a petulant child… if he refuses to see the truth, then I’ll have to fix everything for him. Even if he acts up, or says he hates me, I know the truth and I know what’s best for him. I’ll protect my sweet Saeran from the pain that I have suffered, and I’ll start by killing you. Then he’ll know that the only love that matters in this world is the devotion he has for me.”

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

The staunch smell of blood was thick. 

It was so strong that Saeran was nearly taken back by it. He first thought that perhaps an animal had been hit by a car or something in that regard. It happened time from time and it would make an area smell like it was caked in blood. Yet, there was something about the scent in the air that seemed far too sweet to belong to a mere animal. 

It made him uneasy and concerned. Saeran decided that he needed to get a move on, and he had been already set back by his own thirst. He had to take care of that before he knew he would be safe enough to be in Lila’s company. Even being able to sense life all around you didn’t make it any easier to get the blood you needed. 

Saeran made his way through the familiar paths that Lila had pointed him down before, his body tight with dread. It had been such a long time since he had felt this. The last moment that he felt fear such as this had been after he came out of his animalistic instincts and realized what he had done to so many innocent people. 

He dug his nails into his palms. It wouldn’t cause pain but it was enough to bring him out of those concerns. 

He couldn’t focus on that feeling if he couldn’t seek out the source. It could very well be an animal but it could very well be something else. He didn’t know what it is but all he knew was that he needed to find Lila. 

As far as he knew, she should have been waiting for him on her own in the middle of those flowers just minding her own business. Knowing her, she might have been waiting since the sunset. She would be toying with her phone or counting the stars in the sky. 

Yet, the closer that he found himself getting to where she was supposed to be, the strongest the smell of blood grew to be. He didn’t want to believe it but the scent was sweet. That made him fearful. Had she gotten hurt again? Had she been clumsy and fallen down? Even if it was something silly, there should not have been this much blood in the air. 

Whatever was going on… 

It was not good. 

That was all it took for Saeran to run the rest of the way to where she told him she would be waiting for him.

Saeran found himself stopping dead in his tracks when he finally found the doorway that opened out the hidden center of the garden of Lila’s life. He found himself unable to move once his eyes settled on the ground in front of him. It was electricity that went through his entire body and he had to press a hand to his mouth to stomach the stench of fresh blood.

There, in the center of the world, in the center of her world, the center of what had become his world too, was Lila laying on the ground, motionless and a gaping wound in her neck that looked like her throat had been ripped apart by a monster. 

Her blood dripped from her body and covered the stone below it. 

Just like that, the fears that he had for the past few months had come flaring back to life. He had been so afraid of hurting Lila that he never even thought that she could get hurt because of him. This was surely his fault. She was laying here, likely dead, because of how close he had allowed himself to become to her. Was this his punishment for letting himself believe that he could be happy for even a moment? Was this the universe reminding him that no matter what he did he would always have to go back to the people that hurt him? Was he not allowed to be happy? Even in this endless state of damnation? 

He appeared at her side in an instant, the first thing he did was check to see if she was breathing. There was a very weak and shallow puff of air that escaped from her lips. She was barely breathing and if he didn't do something then she was going to die. She was going to die and leave him behind while he had to continue living in this world with nobody with him. He would go on knowing what it felt like to be cared for but he would never know what it felt like to have love at his side at all times. 

Saeran pulled away and looked down at her once again. 

This time, he was greeted by the sight of brown eyes that were ever-dulling by the passing second. There was a hint of clarity in them but it wasn't enough to say that she was totally aware of what was happening at that moment. He wanted to know what had happened, who had hurt her, who he needed to hurt... to kill... who he needed to get rid of to make up for this. But, he couldn't bring himself to ask her those grim questions. Rather, he found himself wanting to say all those things that he wanted to say to her this evening. How he wanted her to know that he cared about her so much and how he cherished what they had. 

"Sae... ran...?" her voice croaked. 

"I'm sorry," was the most that he could muster up as tears came to his eyes. "This is all my fault. I should have never let you be alone... I shouldn't have let you near me in the first place. I know this is my fault. I know it. I just know it. If I hadn't met you... if I would have been here sooner... If I just... if I wasn't such a coward... if I had just... I shouldn't have let you go yesterday. I never meant for this to happen to you. I wanted to protect you from pain and I'm the reason you're... you're..."

Saeran couldn't even say those words. 

A trembling hand reached up from the corner of his eye. It shook and it twitched. Lila's hand pressed against his own after she struggled to find the use in her hand. Her skin was so white and pale that he feared she didn't have any blood left to stimulate the flow across her body. The vampire that had used her like a drink to empty and throw away carelessly had barely left anything behind to prove that she was a thriving human being. 

Lila didn't look away from his eyes, and even though he wasn't sure if she could see him or not anymore, she smiled at him. She smiled at him with that very same smile that had stolen his heart from him the first time they had met. 

"...ove... you..." her voice had grown even quieter and he couldn't barely pick up the sound. "...ran..." 

Saeran jolted and looked down at her with the anguish in his body burning ever brighter. She was struggling with herself, and he could see it. Lila was fighting the sleep that would come over her body forever as hard as she could. As they both stared at one another underneath the pale moonlight, her lips mouthed the words that she so desperately wanted for him to hear one final time, "What? What is it, Lila?" 

Her eyes couldn't even fight to stay open anymore. Her lungs drew in and she managed to muster every ounce of strength that she had left in her body at that moment, and Saeran's unbeating heart felt every single word of it as that delicate voice hummed to him like an angel. Her hand went limp in his own, and he could hear it ringing in his ears over and over again as if like the beat of a drum that had no end, "I love you." 

She stopped moving. 

Saeran tried to shake her shoulders and he tried to get her to wake back up but no matter how hard he cried or how much he screamed, she wouldn't wake back up. Her body was no longer as warm as the sun. It was as cold as his own flesh. Be it out of his own fear at the prospect of losing Lila, or the fact that she never got to hear him say those very back to her, Saeran would ever know, but at that moment where his love lay unmoving, he acted out of nothing but the desire to save her life from ending. He knew nothing of what he was doing except for feeling that what he was doing was the right thing for him to do. 

The venom that had once dug into his skin when he was transformed now existed in his own veins, and it instilled into him the power to do the same very thing.

Against all other thoughts and judgments, his fangs sunk into her flesh at every spot he had within his reach. He didn't know how many times he would have to do it. She didn't have a lot of blood in her body and he could barely feel her pulse. From her arms to anywhere he could dig his teeth into, it may have been overkill, but he wasn't going to let her die on him without having done everything that he could do to ensure that she could keep on living in this world. 

Even if she would have to live in the darkness of the night... 

the world would be a better place having her in it than without. 

He wouldn't know it worked for sure until days had passed by and her wounds would slowly begin to heal themselves. It wasn't all at once. It happened day by day. He watched her minute by minute and hour by hour as if transfixed by her being. Saeran had taken her back with him to the house where he was staying to keep her away from the sunlight and to protect her from human interaction. He had cleaned up most of the blood but the smell of it was still locked into his memory no matter how hard he scrubbed at his hands and arms. He didn't know what it looked like on the outside when this happened, as he had only been changed himself a few years ago. 

He was never allowed to see when it happened to others. 

She looked like a sleeping beauty in her death-like state but he knew, he knew that she had to be suffering the same miserable heat of this damnation. He just prayed that the moment that she woke up that she wouldn't hate him for what he had done to save her life. Her cheeks weren't as rosy as they once were but he cared not for that, all he cared for was the hope that she would be alright when she awoke to him. 

And she eventually did, a week and a half later, with eyes as red as an apple and a thirst to go with them that would be sated. Yet, in those red eyes of his at that moment, he could see the same very woman that he had come to love after all this time. Saeran was on his knees at her side, with his hands pressed against her knees as he begged and pleaded for her forgiveness for what he had done to her in that dead of night. 

Lila's hand pressed to the top of his hand and offered an all too familiar gesture.

She wasn't angry with him. 

"I love you too," he whispered. 

"I know," she said. 

[lostanachronism]

 “And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do! By the sweat of our brows, and the strength of our backs…and the courage of our hearts! Gentlemen! Hoist the colors." — At World’s End

notes —

• my portrayal of elizabeth is NOT compliant with the at world’s end epilogue. that straight up just did not happen; it felt ooc for her to abandon the life of piracy she dreamed of since she was a child and came to love to have a baby and wait at port royal for a decade for her husband to come on land for a day. especially not when there were so many other options ! likewise, in my current canon for this blog henry does NOT exist, but if someone should want to play him at some point i’m happy to have the conversation and make some adjustments !

• yes, she’s double-barrelled her surname —  it was something i thought would be neat as a tribute to weatherby while i was making other adjustments — because i think the movies really showed us how much she does love her father, if not the life his position afforded.

• finally, i would like to say the biggest of thank yous to this post for massively inspiring this portrayal. it just seems so right to me where the epilogue wasn’t, and i’m happy to pick up upon this indeed missed opportunity !

• the bio is paraphrased, so sorry if it’s a little bit on the less great side. it was better when i first wrote it but i lost it when it was practically finished !

INFORMATION —

NAME: elizabeth swann-turner

NICKNAMES / TITLES: lizzie / pirate lord of the south china sea / king of the brethren court

GENDER: cis female

BIRTHDATE: 18th november, 1708 — london, england

DATE OF DISPLACEMENT: 3rd may, 1741

AGE: thirty-two

NATIONALITY: british

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: married to will turner

ORIENTATIONS: pansexual, panromantic

MBTI: esfp-a

HOGWARTS HOUSE: slytherin

FC: keira knightley

BRIEF BIO —

elizabeth swann — born in london, destined to attain the very life she desired ( despite her father’s attempts to dissuade her infatuation with a life of piracy ) — is perhaps best known as the king of the brethren court; and perhaps it should be no surprise, given that the most pivotal changing moments of her life are associated with the sea. when elizabeth was a young girl, the swanns sailed from london to port royal, and her mother did not survive the journey, permanently changing both her own life and her father’s, who would have to raise her alone, even when he took the title of governor.

the crew of that very ship, the hms dauntless, saved a boy in a moment of fate: william turner, who she saved by stealing his medallion and who would eventually become her husband. for several years elizabeth kept it, until after a close shave with drowning ( and a corset ) she was kidnapped by the crew of the black pearl in the bizarre beginnings of an equally bizarre life of adventure. will turner, alongside captain jack sparrow ( the infamous pirate who saved her from drowning ) rescued elizabeth from hector barbossa and his crew, and she left her then-betrothed commodore james norrington to pursue her heart’s true path.

she did, however, rescue captain jack sparrow from almost certain death — and this came with consequences when both she and will were arrested for assisting him; it would lead will and elizabeth both to quests to rescue one another, landing will in peril and causing elizabeth to betray jack to rescue both will and other members of jack’s crew. however, unlike others might have done she could not escape the burden of guilt, so as such she was taken on another dangerous venture: to rescue jack from davy jones’ locker.

with success came grief, however. elizabeth’s father weatherby was killed by the very man who arrested her and will, driving her to join the quest to stop him and his acquired power by finding the nine pirate lords — including sao feng, who would die, but not before passing onto her his title of lord of the south china sea; a title she would surpass when she was elected pirate king at the meeting of the fourth brethren court. during the battle against beckett, she was married to her husband, william turner; however, their victory came at great cost, as by piercing davy jones’ heart he bound himself as the new captain of the flying dutchman, meaning he would be able to come on land only once every ten years.

elizabeth hid his heart, locked in the dead man’s chest, and protected it vehemently; without the aid of the compass, no one would find the most precious of things. she continued to sail the seas she so loved as the captain of her own ship, crossing paths as frequently with her husband as they could manage, and such ignited the fervent legend of the feared pirate king who married death and could at her whim call upon his help, the myth of those who helped the dying at sea to be at peace, and go beyond. 

such was her life still, when she was so suddenly displaced, with no idea where she had gotten to and no way to protect her title, and her husband’s heart.

WANTED CONNECTIONS —

for plotting, my discord is litoreus#9796. please note that this blog is only open to members of the displacedhqs roleplay group.

• enemies / rivals — i really want her to have to deal with that in a seemingly hopeless situation, just to get inside what she’d do and how she’d weigh that up with her Morals and proven tendency for guilt. that’d just be really nice.

• found family — i say this for all my characters but ESPECIALLY elizabeth please. she’s so loyal to the people she cares for and it’s probably one of my favourite things about her... if she loves you she’d go to hell and back for you, and it’s a beautiful thing. maybe almost a maternal dynamic would be heckin NICE i would cry.

• idk how to put this one but someone who would just be really invested in her stories of life upon the sea? who just thinks she’s Really Cool? like that kind of awesome friendship dynamic where they’re always asking her for more stories of her exploits. blease.

[ty-talks-comics]

Best of DC: Week of July 31st, 2019

Best of this Week: Batman: Last Knight on Earth #2 - Scott Snyder, Greg Capullo, Jonathan Glapion, FCO Plascencia and Tom Napolitano

The last case Batman will ever solve, might just be his most terrifying.

Beginning with Batman confronting an older Joe Chill in the past over the dead child in Crime Alley that looks eerily similar to Bruce. Our hero kind of surprises and disarms him by removing all of the weapons he’s hidden around his apartment. Chill seems to have been expecting him, preparing what he calls an “end of an era feast” for Bruce, implying he knows his identity. To make matters even more interesting, he insinuates that he didn’t even kill the Waynes for Marth pearls and makes it seem like there was an even larger plan afoot than anyone realized.

Cutting back to the Nightmare future, Batman and Joker’s Head are taken by surprise as a Speed Force Storm tears through the desert. Never let it be said that Greg Capullo hasn’t been improving his skills at body horror because the tornado is terrifying. Consisting of the constantly shifting, twisting and stretched bodies of Barry Allen, Bart Allen, Jay Garrick and possibly others, the faces scream and cry for Bruce to help them. It’s a shocking and unsettling sight as one can almost hear the deafening cries of atom splitting agony that they’re going through. The deep red of the storm doesn’t help as it just makes things FAR more threatening than they need to be. Bruce and Joker sit in a cave for safety while Bruce laments that there is absolutely nothing that he can do to save them.

The pair continue on, hang gliding through the air, crossing over a base named Fort Waller. Joker tells Batman that originally it was the last bastion of hope, where Mr. Terrific, Dr. Sivana, Ivo and others could combine their knowledge with the powers of the new avatars of the Green and Red to repel those incensed by Luthor. Batman asks him what happens and Joker’s narration ends as they watch the battle. Unknown Soldiers fighting abominations of the Red in a hellish battle of blood and fire until a Swamp Thing appears from the crimson dust of their fight, no longer appearing to have any faculties or emotion other than: KILL.

The tone shifts as they reach an area known as the Plains of Solitude, seeming a mass of crystalline structures similar to Superman’s secret base. The cool blues of this area offer something of a safety in a book that has otherwise been overbearingly tense since it began. It doesn’t help that Joker’s been doing variations of “can I be Robin, are we there yet, and knock knock jokes the entire time. Bruce snaps that he could never be Robin because Robin was a good guy and who in this world was still like that? Pods shaped like Superman’s baby rocket start landing close to Bruce and Joker before the pair are saved by… Superman?

Or so we think, this “very talkative” (end sarcasm) Superman leads the pair to a farmhouse in the middle of the plains where a surprisingly alive and potentially insane Lex Luthor greets them. Batman, furious at the state of this world demands to know what happened, what did Luthor do? Luthor answers that he had a debate with Superman. What makes this so interesting is that, Luthor says that he knows that he should have lost. The stakes were such that, the loser would be impaled by spike of Kryptonite and Luthor, having almost crapped himself a speech mostly using platitudes from others in his own words, didn’t hold a candle to Ka-El… but in the end, Superman ends up skewered and the world goes to hell with him.

It begs the question of, what happened? Did all of the people just side with Luthor on impulse? Did something happen to sway them or was someone else manipulating things? Everything is speculation. Things are cut short, however as Bane and Scarecrow show up to punish Luthor and bring Batman to their new God, Omega. Bane appears to be absolutely rotting with venom as his veins are green and his skin is pale. Scarecrow looks absolutely scraggly with long, gnarled fingers with syringes at the end of his fingers. Scarecrow has poisoned the Superman clone and forces him to try and break the Bat.

Suddenly, as Superman lifts Batman above his head, a sword pierces his chest as it’s revealed that Wonder Woman has returned to save the Caped Crusader. The two are told to run away by Luthor, to save the world as he opens a portal for them and is summarily torn apart by other infected Superman Clones. 

We see the full extent of the utter destruction Luthor’s actions have caused as they land on the cloak of The Spectre. Wonder Woman tells Batman that the fighting eventually spilled over and destroyed both Heaven and Hell. It only makes sense, doesn’t it? The forces of magic are very powerful in the DC Universe. How much trouble would it take for a Mordru or Neron to tangle with Doctor Fate or Zatanna, culminating in the ruination of the afterlife, damning everyone to a non-existence at the end of everything?

They enter the cloak and take a ride down the River Styx. Diana tells Bruce that the voices of the dead will be calling out to him for sending them there. Capullo stuns with a double page spread of many of DCs biggest heroes, showing Batman the sheer weight of what his as-of-yet unknown role in Luthor’s scheme was. There are far too many to name, but I will say that I appreciate Capullo putting Kyle Rayner among those in the front. His deaths in many alt-stories will always irk me, but I do like seeing him recognized and put higher than Hal Jordan or even John Stewart.

Things take an even darker turn as Alfred shows up among the dead and Batman almost climbs out of the little boat, knowing that he just saw Alfred not too long ago and he and Wonder Woman make it to the real Gotham City with a cliffhanger and a surprising reveal at the end.

Last Knight on Earth pulls no punches when it comes to depicting a desolate world where Doom wins. I want to say that it’s almost dour to the point of being almost being hopeless and that’s exactly what I love. I adore how much is being packed into this story, how many references to the greater DC universe we’re getting. Capullo’s art is probably the best it has been in years and the quality of the writing is right on part with Dark Knights: Metal. It’s a righteous trip as Batman lugs the annoying head of the Joker around like a planet hopping adventure. It’s really fun and very dark.

---------------------------------------------------

The world needs more Swamp Thing stories.

Runner Up: Justice League Dark Annual #1 - James Tynion IV, Ram V, Guillem March, Arif Prianto and Rob Leigh

This annual was dark, far darker than most of the Justice League Dark tales so far because of how self contained it was and the sheer weight of the situation therein. Sure, it wasn't a world ending cataclysm like the one they just stopped, but that doesn't make it any less horrible. I'd never heard of Ram V before, but their storytelling, combined with Guillem March's art makes me feel like I've been pulled back into the old days of Vertigo.

Magic is broken. After Wonder Woman and Zatanna used the Ruby of Life to repair the damage they did to magic after defeating the Lords of Order, magic itself is repairing itself, but in a manner that throws the old rules out of the window.

Consequently, the Parliament of Trees has been destroyed and now Swamp Thing has no one to answer to as the new Parliament of Flowers is seeking a new champion. After confronting Constantine about coming on as a consultant for the League, the con-man convinces Swamp Thing to go on the search for the new Avatar before he loses his humanity like Swampy did. Swamp thing tries to act like he doesn't care, but goes off to find the man.

The story descends into something of a tragedy as we're introduced to Oleander Sorrel, a flower botanist, and his wife Natasha. 

What makes this story so great is that, like the best Swamp Thing stories, it focuses on other characters and their own personal situations. The pair suffer in a broken marriage after the death of their son which causes Natasha to leave Oleander and himself delving deeper into his work, later resulting in his death. He becomes the Avatar of Flowers, but refuses to let go of his humanity after Swamp Thing tries to convince him that he is no longer a man.

He seeks out his wife and watches over her until Jason Woodrue, a very old DC villain that really hasn't been seen since the early days of The New 52, whispers in Oleanders ear. Oleander listens and suddenly a boy that looks very close to their son appears at the door. Natasha is happy, then another child appears and another until Natasha is absolutely blind with love for her new kids.

But not all gifts are good. There's no way that Woodrue doesn't get something out of this himself. There's always an underlying plot and Swamp Thing manages to uncover what really happened to Oleander. The fire that killed him was actually a pool of caustic that he laid in his flower bed and kills himself in. Oleander did die in the pool, but his memory lived on in the flowers that he planted. This revelation stuns Oleander and the children he created out of flowers begin to dissipate. He grows weary, knowing that Swamp Thing was right and Woodrue manages to convince him to rest for a while before feasting upon his flower flesh, regaining his own connection to The Green.

This annual definitely fit the title. It was Dark, not only from a storytelling standpoint, but also visually. Natasha’s post crying face was heart wrenching to see and Gullem March squeezed every bit of emotion out of it that he could. Her lips quivered, her eye makeup ran just a bit and there was a hopelessness that could be felt. Oleander’s transformation was a beautiful kind of macabre with his appearance, composed entirely of flowers, looking very sinewy and skeletal at the same time. Colors are very warm, juxtaposed against an ever growing sense of dread that culminated in the most haunting scene of Oleander growing more and more flower children. The shot is perfect as Oleander is shown to be a hapless man whose only intent is to make his wife happy, but his methods are horrifying almost wrong.

When the children begin to disappear following the revelation, light is shown on them while the background remains dark. Their petals waft away with the night winds as Natasha has to watch in horror, likely to be absolutely broken by the experience of losing her kids. Woodrue eating Oleander afterwards, however, is brutal. The color shifts to a deep red and Woodrue furiously munches on the flowers, gnawing and tearing his way into Oleander’s body and emerging as a new creature unto himself.

I haven’t been able to find anything about this Ram V person, but I want to read more of their work. This book was absolutely stunning and I hope that it does well enough to warrant another Swamp Thing mini-series or full run. Amidst the cancellation of the show after just one season, it’s definitely something the world needs more of. This story was chilling, well paced and had a great focus on someone else while keeping it’s main star tangential as he should be in things like these. This is a definite high recommend from me.

[carrietrekkie]

Pike/Female OC

I think I´ll try a little experiment and posting my Pike/Female OC Story.

It´s been a while since my last release of a story and it will be my very first in English. I finished only a OC Ask Meme about her in English, so, if someone liked it or want´s to know more about that story, let me know and i will translate the images and stories. 

Please let me also know, if there are linguistic mistakes.

So, here it is!

What is your character´s full name?:    Cathrin Elizabeth Zimmer (Ranks from Lieutenant to Commander)

 When were they born?: 31.10.1986, Germany, Another Dimension.

 What are their parent´s names?: Robert Zimmer, Annabell Zimmer

 Do they have any brothers or sisters?: An older brother, Markus Zimmer

 What kind of eyes do they have: Green eyes with golden sparkles. She has a warm gaze, not afraid of eye contact, even which strangers, this comes from her education and the time she spends with people in her past job.

 What kind of hair do they have?: Dark nut brown hair. It falls in soft waves over her armpit but at duty she used to wear it up to a ponytail or a updos with braids.

 What is their complexion like? Fair skin, she always used to be very pale, she tans really slowly but that takes time

 What body type are they? 5.5, she is average, bit curvy and loves it. By the time she arrives in the 23 century and the events followed by her apparition, she starts to train and learn a lot of  Martial Arts to protect her crewmembers and herself if there is need to, so she gets a little more athletic.

 What is listening to their voice like? Cathrin has an unexpected deep voice that skip a bit, when she´s getting emotional. She trained that because she made the experience that a deep, warm voice calms patients and people much more than a highly tone. Some of her phrases are old fashioned to the people around her, that’s something Chris loves about her and he started to use them to, long before they get together.

She loves to sing, but thinks she´s not very talented, so she keep it private but sometimes, when she is concentrated, it happens in public. Dr. Culber found it enchanting after it happens in his presence but never mentioned it to her, until she leaves Discovery.  

 What do they hate most about themselves? Cathrin hate her uncertainty about the 23 century. Almost everything is new to her, despite her memories of the events in the “Star Trek Universe”, it’s a completely different thing to be thrown into this life without advance warning. She had to ask about everything, even the things that totally normal for everyone around her and after all this time she spent in her new life, there is always something new and unexpected that made her feel like a complete idiot. (Just imagine pull out of your time, space and dimension and been thrown over 200 years into the future.)

 Do they have a favorite quote?

To see your world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower. To hold infinity in the palm of your hand, An eternity in an hour.

Her father used to read her and her brother poems when there where children, this one is the last he told them, on the day he passed away.

_Be bold, be brave, be courageous. _

The words she read to her nephew at his christening. Much later, she said this to Pike and he completed her sentence without hesitation, they started to say goodbye with that, before they go on separate or dangerous missions. He once said this words carried them to the hardest and darkest times of their life, as well as thru the best and brightest.  

 What sort of music do they enjoy? Cathrin is very into music. She holds the musical data she brought with her like a treasure. She enjoyed a peculiar mixture of music: Pop, Rock, Metal, Country, World Music and Soundtracks from the 1950 till 2019. She also enjoys some stuff from the 23th century, but there she is highly influenced by Chris Favorites.

Once she made a playlist for Chris ( as a thanks for keeping her from drowning, after the first time she was forced to kill, to save Ash Tylers Life), she called it cheesy and terribly old fashioned, he says it´s one of the best gifts he ever received. And with time goes by every song from this list, fits to something that’s happened in their lives.

Have/would they ever cheat(ed) on a partner?: No, she would never do that. When she loves, she does with her full heart, soul and mind. Cathrin is a very romantic person but is uncertain how to show it in the right way or at all.

Have they been cheated on by a partner?: Yes. Back in her old life, her fiancé cheated on her a few weeks before their weeding. And although a year after that, she could forgive him, there both were very young and maybe to naive about their relationship, but she never forget that feeling and swear she would never do such horrible thing to someone she love.  

Have they ever lost someone close to them? Cathrin lost everyone she knew and loves when the signal brought her into the 23 century. It took her a while to get to live on with that, but she heeded Chris advice to let them go, since they lived there lives long ago and hers is just to start at a new point.

She is afraid to loss her new friends and crewmembers and, even though she´s used to dead by her job, she still mourn every patient that passed away on her duty.

Her father died, after a long illness, when she and her brother where teenagers.

Are they judgmental of others? No. She treated everyone the same way, unless she get´s a reason for being so rude. She was not a very popular companion when she was at school, sometimes she get bullied, so she decided, she would never be a person like that. 

Have they ever been drunk? Yes. The worst drunkenness was at a party after her father´s funeral. Cathrin had a completely blackout on that evening. After that night she nearly tolerated nothing alcoholic and only drinks a glass on very special occasions. The champagne Pike serves her after her admission to Starfleet nearly knocks her out and he still makes his jokes about that. (There was a party after that but she can´t remember anything about that.)

What are they like when they stay up all night? A little bit like a humming-bird, reinforced by the amount of coffee she consumed to get through the night at all. She speaks to much and to fast and gets very jumpy. Usually Cathrin is not a night person, she needs her sleep and she needs to be rested before she takes a step into an OP to lay a life of someone in her hands. But if it´s necessary, and thanks to the training and conditions, she could pull herself together to get through tough times, but she don´t like it, she know it is unhealthy to let it happened to often.

 What evokes strong memories for them? A lot of thinks throws her back to things she´s been through, but that are memories she can deal with, like the death of her father, her first heartbreak or the good times, she had with her childhood friends.

Much more harder to process are the flashbacks and buried memories that comes with her knowledge of thinks that probably could happen in the future. For them there are no fixed triggers, so it overcomes her from time to time with unexpected effects and results. Cathrin hates it but can do nothing against it, sometimes it´s like a whisper but otherwise it could knock her completely out and most of this times she ended in sick bay and with a lot of questions she never could answer entirely.

The only memory she could share and prevent form happening, was Pikes fate but she always fear, that with hold up these events, there would be another tragic end for him (she knew, there is some, but she has no access to it) and when she see it clearly, it would be to late.

Anyway she wrote down every fragment she remembers in a notebook and made a note in it, that after her and Chris dead it should go to the Captain and First Officer of the Enterprise.  

 What do they do on rainy days?: Cathrin used to read on rainy days, doing laundry, watching movies or series.

After rainy days could only happen on personal leave times, she takes these days to do nothing or just things she really likes. Take a long bath, stay in bed till midday, preferred by breakfast also in bed or just listen to music. On top of this list stands spending time with Chris, catch up the things they have to less time on board of Enterprise, even if it´s just sitting side by side by the fireplace, reading a book or dancing to their favorite songs.  

**What religion are they? **Cathrin grew up in a little catholic embossed village in Germany. She never get to much into religion but always had faith and believe that there are more tings between earth and sky than science will show her.

She stayed with it, after her arrival in the future and pulled from it, when the days and nights are getting dark and sometimes hopeless. Her spiritual side goes along with her scientific way to live, she never saw a reason why they had to exclude each other.

What do they wear to bed?: Cathrin wears a pyjama shorts with a shirt, sometimes a nightgown, accounting on her daily condition. When she is away from Enterprise for Starfleet Academy, she usually wears some of Chris t-shirts and a long pyjama pants (She had some strange encounters at night in the dorm, so she decided to be as dressed as possible). On vacation she sometimes sleeps in underwear or less.

Do they have any tattoos or piercings?: No tattoos, but she get her ears pierced when she was a little girl.

Cathrin don´t like needles at all, every time she has to take a blood sample from a patient or give an injection in the past, she suffered with him. One reason she thinks Hyposprays are a gift of heaven.

What type of clothing are they most comfortable in?: Cathrin loves the clothes she had with her, when she was brought to Discovery (Jeans, a shirt, a black dress and coat, two pairs of high heels), even the Jeans get ripped, she never thrown it away.

She likes her blue Enterprise uniform more than the dark blue from Discovery. Of duty she likes to wear dresses and skirts, shoes with a heel( gives her the illusion to get nearly the high of Chris) and sometimes the “county girl style” Chris loves so much on her.

 What is their favorite food?: Cathrin is addicted to desserts and sweet thinks. Baking was one of her hobbies, but you can´t bake cookies on a space ship.

On personal leave she sometimes cooks. Her all time favorite are Pancakes, done by the recipe of her mother, that’s something she really missed.

Do they have any enemies?: No personal enemies. But if you are in Starfleet, it comes with the duty and some decisions you forced to make. She´s sure there are a few people in the galaxy, who prefer her dead then still alive, but they first have to pass Chris and the crew of the Enterprise.

What does their writing look like?: Cathrin has a very elegant writing but when she´s in hurry, so most of the time, it goes undecipherable. This also caused back to her time as a medical assistant and later as a Paramedic.

What disgusts them? Liars, disloyalty, dishonorable intentions. She has a high loyal compass and goes not well with people who infringe it. Cathrin hates senseless violence and every action that caused damage to the ones she love and who stands under her protection.  

[doodlingadventures]

Has Vol’jin been to Ny’alotha?

Buckle up people, this is a very long post, but I think I’ve cracked the code.

Sooo, what do I mean by this you’re probably asking. Or what the Hell is Ny’alotha.

Let’s start from the beginning; Ny’alotha is a city, or some kind of place, mentioned in game by different servants of the Old Gods. Most of the information we have of it comes from the Puzzlebox of Yogg’saron. It is named in three lines:

-In the land of Ny'alotha there is only sleep...

-In the sleeping city of Ny'alotha walk only mad things.

-Ny'alotha is a city of old, terrible, unnumbered crimes…

Also, some NPCs like Yll’gynoth and Xal’Atoh (no, I didn’t misspell Xal’atath, Xal’atoh is an axe) speak of it as a place you end in when you die. “You will rest in Ny'alotha” by Xal’atoh, and upon dying “N'Zoth... I journey... to Ny'alotha…”

Also (new) the corrupted tidesages have a death line of dialogue that says “sleep eternal in Ny’alotha”

All of this gives me the sensation that Ny’alotha is less of a place you can find beneath the ocean, as we have suspected for a long time, and more of a… different plane of reality. I think Ny’alotha is a version of Hell. Sort of.

We’ll explore this idea later, but for now I’m going to go back to Vol’jin.

Vol’jin.

In the incoming quests/scenarios for patch 8.1, when he is asked “why did you put Sylvanas in charge?” he answers.

I remember dyin’. I remember glimpsin’ da Other Side.

I was expectin’ ta see ol’ Bwonsamdi, or Shadra, or Hir'reek… any of da loa.

Dere was a presence. Somethin’ movin’ in da shadows. Somethin’ powerful.

I remember it takin’ me somewhere, but da memory of where be hidden from me. Ta keep me from sharin’ da truth…

After this, we go around asking different types of Gods of death; Bwonsamdi, The Lich King and Eyir, if they’re responsible for making Vol’jin choose Sylvanas. None of them had a hand on it, and we’re basically told that two different forces intervened in Vol’jin’s death. One almost condemned him, and the other one “saved” him, but today we are going to focus on the first one.

In the first short post I mentioned it could have been Mueh’zala, or Helya, instead of the Old Gods getting their hands in this, but… no, I’m afraid it’s Old Gods (what a surprise).

For one, Mueh’zala is still considered a Loa, so Vol’jin should have been able to recognize him? Or at least he could have described it as such, but instead of Loa he describes it as a “powerful presence”. There’s still a possibility it was him, since Vol’jin was believed to be lost in the Shadowlands, and that’s where he dwelves, but we know so little about him that I feel it’s better to focus on the Old God card.

And Helya….well, the evidence is pointing at her working with the Old Gods (knowingly or not), so there’s not much of a difference. Anyway, it was an Old God, probably N’zoth, the one that took Vol’jin “somewhere” he can no longer remember, to manipulate him.

And I think that place is Ny’alotha.

Wherever Vol’jin was taken, whatever he saw there, was something that convinced him to put Sylvanas in the Warchief’s Throne. And if it's something that he can’t remember, it is either because it was all lies, or because there was some truth in it that N’zoth didn’t want him to share. Since what Vol’jin cares about the most is the Horde, he must have been shown some sort of future where the Horde would perish if not for Sylvana’s leadership, or something of the likes... something that really fucks us over. Which the Old Gods really are taking benefits off, just look at all the chaos brought by the faction War. Worsened by Azshara’s tampering in both sides.

However, why would Ny’alotha be the place this kind of “nightmarish” visions would be shown to Vol’jin?

Well, because it has happened before.

Let’s go back to Ny’alotha being the Warcraft version of “Hell”. And I don’t mean Hell in the sense we consider the Christian Hell, a place of punishment, torture, and other horrors, but it surely has the capacity of torturing you by using your worst fears. Although it is not the in emerald nightmare, since Il'gynoth was in there when he said his line of “I journey to Ny’alotha”. It’s a realm we could consider hell, but it’s just a playground for an entity such as the Old Gods.

Where does this idea come from? TBH it’s the feeling I get from these two sentences, “In the sleeping city of Ny'alotha walk only mad things” and “Ny'alotha is a city of old, terrible, unnumbered crimes…”

But also because of the things the people that have gone there have seen.

The only way a mortal can “travel” to Ny’alotha is by dying, or being very close to death. AND if they’re invited there.  Following this line of thought, and working with the hypothesis that Ny’alotha is a place of torment and torture, I think we have been witnesses to three different characters mind/consciousness/souls being transported to Ny’alotha:

Vol’jin.

Queen Azshara (whom I think actually died in her short).

Sylvanas.

Queen Azshara.

You probably think this the moment Queen Azshara arrived to Ny’alotha but I think otherwise.

I think this is the moment Azshara’s mind arrived to Ny’alotha, and then was pulled out of it by N’zoth.

You see, there are a couple of visual clues here that are telling us that Azshara is actually dead.

The scene when she sees the corpses of her people attacking and blaming her, that’s her spirit in Ny’alotha, being tortured with what she fears most: the people that served her, worshiped her, adore her, turning on her, disobeying her.

And that’s when N’zoth pulls her out of it, believing she is desperate enough to accept his offer. You can see the light in her eyes is gone. Just like the eyes of the dead elves, and the light doesn’t go back to her pupils until her transformation into naga starts.

But regardless of dead or alive, N’zoth get what he wants. Sure, Azshara has the ovaries to try and get the deal on her own terms, but N’zoth still has her as a "collaborator” anyway.

And here’s when we can see the pattern? N’zoth picks the spirit of whomever he is interested in, takes it to a place (probably Ny’alotha) where they’re shown their worst fears, and these visions “break them” enough, that when N’zoth pulls them out of it they’re ready to make a deal with him. A deal that harms Azeroth, might I add.

It seems to be what happened to Vol’jin, it is definitively what happened to Azshara, and it seems to be exactly what happened to our Warchief.

Sylvanas.

Remember that short story from Cataclysm, when Sylvanas kills herself?

Let’s go over it again real quick.

Sylvanas goes atop ICC, sees that Arthas is dead but there’s another Lich King in place, she decides she is done with it all and jumps from the platform, dies impaled by the saronite spires, and, pulled from WoWpedia:

Sylvanas saw a vision of her peoples' future. Without her leadership, the bulk of the Forsaken was sacrificed by Garrosh Hellscream in a failed assault on Gilneas. At the Bulwark, Apothecary Lydon organizes a last, desperate counterattack against the invading Alliance forces. As the tide turned against them, the Forsaken threw themselves into raging fires rather than face the onslaught to come. As the vision ended, Sylvanas found herself floating in a dark void, where she knew only terror, cold, hopelessness, fear, and regret. She also ran into the ghost of Arthas and was surprised to find that all he was at this point was a frightened and lonely little boy. Looking at the man who had inflicted such torment, Sylvanas admitted that had her soul not been broken she may have actually felt pity for him despite what he had done to her. As she realized that this realm of anguish was to be her eternity, the Val'kyr appeared to her again. Led by Annhylde the Caller, they offered the Dark Lady a pact: instead of allowing Sylvanas to reside eternally in this terrifying realm, Annhylde offered to take her place if she binds herself to the remaining Val'kyr; a powerful vessel through which they can continue to exist as more than slaves, their fates intertwined. Sylvanas accepted the pact and was returned to the realm of the living surrounded by the eight remaining Val'kyr.

You could almost say that what she saw there was her worst fears. Where she expected peace and release, instead she got anguish and pain. And had it not been for this, she would have rejected the Val’kyrs a second time.

Again, this is a familiar pattern, yet, N’zoth doesn’t have control over the Val’kyrs… does he?

Helya.

These Val’kyrs were supposedly at the service of the Lich King, but we have to consider that Val’kyrs were originally an invention of Odin. They’re pretty much undead guardians that handpick “worthy” souls to transport them to the Halls of Valor. That is, until Helya freed herself from Odin, which resulted in two “types” of Val’kyr. For convenience, I’m just gonna call them grey and gold Valks.

Blizzard has never addressed why Arthas had Valkyrs, or how was he capable of creating them (there’s a dungeon where he raises a Vrykul as a Valk, before we kill her), but the one thing we have for sure is that those Valks are grey, just like Helya’s, and those are the Valks Sylvanas… “inherited”.

I made a post not so long ago about Helya being the one Il'gynoth is referring to in his lines, but let’s go over it again.

Her heart is a crater, and we have filled it.

In Chronicles it is stated that Helya was something akin to an adopted daughter to Odin; she helped him with everything he needed, going so far as to lift the Halls of Valor away from Ulduar at his request (even tho it was kind of a dick move), until Odin got the idea for the Val’kyrs. He basically wanted to grab some random Vrykuls and turn then into undead guardian angels for the souls of the Vrykul he considered “worthy”, and when Helya said “don’t you fuckign dare” he killed her, raised her as the first Val’kyr, and took her free will away from her. And then she was forced to do the same to other unwilling Vrykul, transforming them.

Wow.

And to cement the evidence, when she got free from Odin, she was helped by Loken, who was under the influence of Yogg’saron at that point. And, lifted directly from Chronichles.

“Helya created Helheim as an enchanted refuge for herself and the other val'kyr far below the Halls, and bound it to Azeroth's great seas (I’m having Deathwing/Neltharion related flashbacks right now)

However, the darkness that had long fested in Helya's heart transformed Helheim into a place of nightmare and shadow, and the vrykul souls who arrived in the realm were soon transformed into wraithlike kvaldir.”

I still think it’s not too far of a stretch to believe il’gynoth was talking about her.

The lord of ravens will turn the key.

For some time we believed this could have been Khadgar, but he really just turns into a raven. Odin on the other hand, has two ravens at his service, Hugin and Munin, and the real life Odin was referenced sometimes as “the Lord of Ravens” or simply “Raven God”, so I think it’s safe to assume it’s him we’re talking about.

At the hour of her third death, she will usher in our coming.

Helya died once, at the hands of Odin, then twice, when we were sent to “deal with her”, and by BFA we know she is still around, so…

At the hour of Helya’s third death, with her heart filled by the whispers of the Old Gods, Odin will strike her down, turning the key that will open the way for the Old Gods, and she will usher in their coming.

I want to remark the “Helheim is bound to Azeroth’s great seas” bit, and the tentacular state of her appearance, in case you’re having some doubts.

Am I saying that the Old Gods got the idea of eternal damnation into Sylvanas so that she would be desperately trying to get her hands on more Val’kyr and any other means to live eternally? Fucking over everyone else on the way? And that Helya willingly helped her in Legion, not just because it would fuck over Odin, but because it was part of a much bigger plan?

Kinda.

I mean, I just gave you all this evidence, but this theory is nothing new, people have been speculating that Sylvanas was under the influence of the Old Gods since that short story came out, all the way back in Cataclysm. It’s just that now we have even more hints of it (theoretically speaking), and it’s related to more events happening.

Which…Oh nooo, the Old Gods did it…. What a turn of events.

*long sigh*

This post is long enough, so I’m not going to give any opinions about the Goddanm Old Gods card or the state of the story.

But one thing I’ll say.

Blizzard you better fuckign give us Vol’jin back as a Warchief. Going through all of your bullshit deserves a reward.

Thanks for reading! Share your opinion on this insanity!