#kind of feel like i should stop posting these

[chibiisanii]

So I bookmarked this for later and remembered which way you shifted them wrong, but that got me thinking...

(very long post under cut)

1. Bravery - Recklessness Arrogance: A pretty common trope already. They're kinda stuck in a cycle of doing something heroic, getting a big head, and then having enough confidence to do it again.

2. Intelligence - Arrogance Naivety: The classic book-smart-but-not-street-smart character. They know a lot, but can easily get tricked.

3. Compassion - Naivety Stubbornness: A character has a lot of love in their heart, and won't let anyone tell them that they should stop being so nice.

(This is honestly really sweet.)

4. Determination - Stubbornness Manipulativeness: They have a lot of passion, but they use it to get other people to help them reach their goals.

5. Charisma - Manipulativeness Opportunism: This character has a way with words. Unfortunately for everyone else, they're a greedy little bastard and are always looking for an opportunity to get more of whatever it is they want.

(I know it’s tempting to give this one to a politician or CEO, but let’s try to think outside the box for a moment. What if this was a little kid instead?)

6. Resourcefulness - Opportunism Blind Obedience: To be honest, this one was a bit tricky to work with, but I like where I landed. They are very creative and crafty, but everything they make goes to a person they probably shouldn't be helping.

7. Loyalty - Blind Obedience Denial: This character is extremely devoted to whatever they are loyal to, to the point that they refuse to accept anything negative about them.

8. Optimism - Denial Inappropriateness: They're always looking on the bright side, and want others to do the same. However, this leads them to being insensitive and disrespectful towards those in pain.

9. Humor - Inappropriateness Lack of Boundaries: This character relishes in making jokes at other people's expense, but never listens when asked to stop.

10. Generosity - Lack of Boundaries Passivity: Instead of making their own decisions, this character tends to just give people stuff. Probably falls for scams a lot.

11. Patience - Passivity Cynicism: A character is so used to putting up with other people's nonsense that they've come to expect it. However, they still will treat these people with kindness.

12. Wisdom - Cynicism Overconfidence: This character is very wise, but they take their own words as gospel.

13. Confidence - Overconfidence Bluntness: They know they're great, and they're not afraid to say it. They consider themself above politeness, feeling it only gets in the way of success.

14. Honesty - Bluntness Rigidity: This character always tells the truth, and will not allow anyone to lie, no matter the reason.

15. Self-discipline - Rigidity Impulsiveness: A character has strong morals, but often acts without thinking.

(I can think of two directions you can go with this- they could be hypervigilant about anything that could be going against their morals, and recklessly try to find a way to correct it. Alternatively, they could do something "wrong" in the heat of the moment, then beat themself up over it later. Both are really compelling, and could perhaps be used together!)

16. Adventurousness - Impulsiveness Overwhelm: They are eager and curious about the world around them, yet they feel daunted by how much they haven't explored. They also consider themself insignificant compared to the sheer vastness of the world.

(Relatable.)

17. Empathy - Overwhelm Ruthlessness: This character cares very deeply for their loved ones, but will do anything to help those precious people, even if it means harming others outside their circle.

18. Ambition - Ruthlessness Emotional Detachment: A character is very passionate and diligent about their goals, but doesn't consider/care about how it impacts anyone else.

19. Resilience - Emotional Detachment Calculative: They've been through a lot. To avoid having to deal with any more traumatic situations, they plot out their strategy to make everything work in their favor.

20. Strategic - Calculative Recklessness: This character is great at making plans, but doesn't include any fail-safes or escape plans in case something goes wrong.

20 Compelling Positive-Negative Trait Pairs

Here are 20 positive and negative trait pairs that can create compelling character dynamics in storytelling:

1. Bravery - Recklessness: A character is courageous in the face of danger but often takes unnecessary risks.

2. Intelligence - Arrogance: A character is exceptionally smart but looks down on others.

3. Compassion - Naivety: A character is deeply caring but easily deceived due to their trusting nature.

4. Determination - Stubbornness: A character is persistent in their goals but unwilling to adapt or compromise.

5. Charisma - Manipulativeness: A character is charming and persuasive but often uses these traits to exploit others.

6. Resourcefulness - Opportunism: A character is adept at finding solutions but is also quick to exploit situations for personal gain.

7. Loyalty - Blind Obedience: A character is fiercely loyal but follows orders without question, even when they're wrong.

8. Optimism - Denial: A character remains hopeful in difficult times but often ignores harsh realities.

9. Humor - Inappropriateness: A character lightens the mood with jokes but often crosses the line with their humor.

10. Generosity - Lack of Boundaries: A character is giving and selfless but often neglects their own needs and well-being.

11. Patience - Passivity: A character is calm and tolerant but sometimes fails to take action when needed.

12. Wisdom - Cynicism: A character has deep understanding and insight but is often pessimistic about the world.

13. Confidence - Overconfidence: A character believes in their abilities but sometimes underestimates challenges.

14. Honesty - Bluntness: A character is truthful and straightforward but often insensitive in their delivery.

15. Self-discipline - Rigidity: A character maintains strong control over their actions but is inflexible and resistant to change.

16. Adventurousness - Impulsiveness: A character loves exploring and trying new things but often acts without thinking.

17. Empathy - Overwhelm: A character deeply understands and feels others' emotions but can become overwhelmed by them.

18. Ambition - Ruthlessness: A character is driven to achieve great things but willing to do anything, even unethical, to succeed.

19. Resilience - Emotional Detachment: A character can endure hardships without breaking but often seems emotionally distant.

20. Strategic - Calculative: A character excels at planning and foresight but can be cold and overly pragmatic in their decisions.

These pairs create complex, multi-dimensional characters that can drive rich, dynamic storytelling.

[specialgradefckr]

tw: explicit content. toxic frat culture/attitudes. non consensual recording.

fuckboy satoru gojo.

fuckboy satoru who's in a group chat with a bunch of other shitty fuckboys who all brag about their conquests.

one of them posts a sex tape, bragging about how he took the girl's virginity and filmed it without her knowing. it catches his attention - the girl is kind of cute.

you're kind of cute. the sounds you make, the way you look and act, and damn, your body has his pants tightening. he thinks he's seen you around before.

the boys in the chat have a good laugh about what a dumbass you are. he jerks off to the video and moves on with his life.

and that's the end of it - until he bumps into you.

and actually you're... really nice. you apologize even though it's not your fault, laughing it off, picking your things up. he helps you, which is out of character for him, but he feels kind of bad for you.

you carry these tiny little mochi candies with you, and offer him one for his help.

you call him pretty. when he gets close enough to hand you your things he gets a whiff of your conditioner or body wash or something and it smells good. something sweet.

satoru wonders what scent it was. he thinks about it and he finds himself pulling up the video again, jerking off.

is it just him, or did you not cum in the video? he always knew the prick that took it was a total fucking loser.

and that could have been the end of it. that should have been the end of it, only, he seems to keep running into you again. completely by accident (at first) but later... well, it's not like he's avoiding you.

because you give him candy. you call him "pretty boy" and it doesn't sound even a little bit mocking. you smile at him, fondly, like you're happy to see him. you're just... nice.

what a dumb bitch. can't believe i actually got away with that lololol

i know dude. crazy. are you still together?

fuck that, we were never "together". she keeps texting me lol. needy af

he's nice to you when he sees you! he starts paying you back for the candies. buys you treats. brings you coffees. he learns your order. your major. your likes and dislikes. (how did that fucking prick get to touch you? what the fuck did he tell you?)

so maybe he jerks off to the video again... a few more times. he gets angrier every time.

the piece of shit in chat keeps talking about how bad you were in bed. he didn't even get you off. what a fucking loser.

he tells himself it's a matter of pride. he's good in bed, it's pathetic that the dude is bragging about his garbage performance. it's not like he cares about you.

it's not like he walks with you to classes. texts you all the time. finds out what body wash you were using and buys you ten more of them.

when he threatens the piece of shit that fucked with you, it's because he's embarrassed to be associated with him.

nothing to do with how you've confided in him that you're having doubts about the guy you 'were involved with'.

nothing to do with the look on your face when you say it, and the way it makes him feel like he's being stabbed in the chest.

nothing to do with the way that he - he can't stop jerking off to that fucking video, he can't stop looking at you, wishing - but he feels so fucking bad about it -

okay, fine, WHATEVER. maybe fuckboy satoru is catching the first crush of his entire life...

and then he sees another video of you in the group chat.

[awwriri]

lowkey done with everyone right now, because what do you mean may deactivated ? also sara . honey , everyone is a human being and of course you’re gonna hurt their feelings no matter what, on the contrary look at yourself before even trying to make yourself look stupid .

At this point, I feel like the anon button should be removed , the fact you have the guts to literally go ANON mode without revealing yourself and sending threats is actually embarrassing, has your parents never taught you how to act , im ashamed of this generation from now on ill delete any hate asks towards any of my moots or me because if you keep doing it, do it . i don’t care , it will just make you look dumb doing this stuff for no reason .

my main point, to be honest we are CREATORS that does do MOODBOARDS . how hard is it for you to understand , it’s funny when people hate on MOODBOARDS , when you clearly see that most of the posts we do are MOODBOARDS . quit bashing on people , it’s literally sickening may is my friend and moot , ill never let this slide to whoever hurt her . genuinely most of moodboard creators including me are smarter than any of you (towards who are selfish) because we know what’s right and we know what’s wrong , it’s just immature of you and you clearly don’t know how to think ? hah , so many people have disappeared and people disappointed me this year , what a bad way to end the year .

i don’t care if you’re having a bad day or anything related , sending threats is still a big no and think before you act , you won’t listen but it’s up to you and make yourself feel dumb . im so done being so nice to anons who do this type of stuff or behavior . all i ask is you to STOP and you didn’t , all I did was be respectful and kind about it yet you still didn’t .

threats is not going to solve anything no matter what you do , may is literally one of the kindest and sweetest persons ik and seeing this hurt her and she deactivated because of that is not funny and okay. it is cruel to someone , you ruined their life for what cost ? she did nothing WRONG to you yet you still went and do it anyways like your life depends on it , who’s forcing you honey who’s hurting you, instead of hurting someone you can talk to them instead of pulling it all on someone else .

tags : @sxgarhan @cwrcent @nikist-4-n @wonysmiu @lvioung @tarosuna @rthym @kissunoo @y-unrei @n-americano @kokoch4nel

[spideysbruh]

Secret

She was getting tired of it, the sneaking around, the hiding from not only cameras but from everyone. It’s been a huge hit to her confidence, which is crazy because she’s usually a very confident person, she spent her whole youth being insecure and vulnerable and worked her way out of it. She didn't think she’d ever feel this way with Timothée. 

To be fair, she didn’t feel like this at first. She knew that given their jobs, they had to be private for at least a little while initially, but it’s already been a year. A year and four months actually, she thinks that's more than enough time, they should definitely be able to go out and post about each other and just not give a fuck anymore.

So why doesn’t he want to?

Right now, they’re in their hotel room in Chicago, and Timothée is looking out the window to see how many people are waiting outside for him. He groans and walks to the mirror in the bathroom, “I can’t wait to shave this mustache off.”

Y/n smirks and sits up, “I think it’s cute. You look very French.” She responds, Timothée peers over at her as his cheeks redden.

“Yeah?” He grins and walks over to the bed, crawling over her as he kisses her lightly, “Maybe I’ll keep it then.” He says softly, moving down to kiss her neck. Y/n sighs, feeling every kiss before she gently pushes him away, sitting straight up and moving her legs to the side of the bed, “What’s wrong?” Timothée questions, placing a hand on her thigh.

“I…. I kind of don't want to be a secret anymore.” She answered, looking down at her legs, not wanting to meet Timothées eyes.

Timothée is quiet for a second before he responds, “Look baby, I just- I worry about what’ll happen if everyone finds out. People are evil and ruthless and- It’s terrifying. I want it to just be us… just for a little longer.”

“I can’t even be seen with you, god forbid I walk next to my boyfriend, right?” She sarcastically asks, making him huff.

“Babe, it's not like that! You know it's not.” He soothingly says, moving his hand to her back, rubbing circles around it. “I'm trying to protect you.” 

Y/n looks up at him, she recognizes the sincerity in his eyes and sighs, “Can we at least walk out together tonight? We don't even have to touch.” She says, making him laugh.

“I think that if I touched you in public, I’d never let go.” He replies softly, making her smile.

“I think I’d be okay with that.” She giggles as he leans over to kiss her cheek, “But… you promise we can go public soon?”

He nods and brushes a strand of her hair behind her ear, “Yes, baby. Of course, just another month or two.” He smiles, and she nods.

That night, they leave the hotel together, and he holds the door open for her which she appreciates. She sends him a smile as she walks past him, hearing the people gasp as they see her and Timothée together.

“Y/n!??! What are y’all doing together?!” A fan asks, she laughs and stops to chat with them.

“We’re friends! We hang out quite a bit.” She responds, right before the fan goes to take a picture with her.

“You guys would be such a cute couple!” Another one says.

“Ahaha thank you, thank you.” Timothée chuckles behind her.

“It was nice meeting you guys!” Y/n says before getting in the car, sighing as Timothée sits next to her.

“Little by little, baby.” He says, wrapping an arm around her.

~~~

Three months later. 

They’re still not public. Nothing is even going on right now, they’re both on vacation for the first time in a while, did Timothée just completely forget about their conversation? 

They’re both relaxing at her apartment, where he finds himself being more than his own.

“We should go to the movies or something, " she says, looking at him on the couch. He hums and nods.

“That sounds nice, are there any later showings?” He asks, looking up at her from his comfortable position.

She rolls her eyes, “You don't wanna go earlier? Then we can get something to eat afterward.” She tries, going to sit next to him.

He shrugs and wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer, “Just feeling so lazy right now, and it’s probably so crowded today-”

“Y’know what, Timothée? That’s it. I gave you enough time, I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.” She snaps, making him go mute, his eyes peering into hers with furrowed brows.

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you really not remember our conversation from like, three months ago? I want to be able to hold your hand and- and fucking kiss you in public! It’s like you’re ashamed of me or something.” She says, looking up at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling out of her eyes. Don’t cry right now.

Timothée quickly sits up and caresses her face, “Don’t ever say that. I could never feel that way about you… What happened to that confident girl that I know so well?” He wonders softly, and Y/n scoffs.

“This happened! All of the hiding and secrets… We��ve been together long enough, unless you don’t want to be anymore and that’s why you-”

“Stop. That’s not true, baby. I love you. I want nothing more than to show you off. Do you know how often I think about the dates we could go on, the things we can do out in public? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He says, Y/n smiles a bit at that.

“That’s nice Timmy, but you’re still not making any effort to go public.” She shrugs.

“Fine. Fuck it. Let’s go out then.” He says, her eyes widen.

“Seriously?” She grins, excitement now coursing through her entire body, Timothée nods.

“Yes. You don’t deserve to feel like this. I hate that it was my actions that were making you feel like that. I also despise that I waited so fucking long, and for what? Just because of what people will say? I’m sorry.” He says before leaning in to kiss her gently. She kisses him back deeper, wrapping her arms around his neck to be as close to him as possible.

“I love you.” She breathes against his lips.

“I love you more. More than anything.” He says, kissing her again, and then pulling away. “Let’s go, what are we watching?”

They pick a movie and get ready, Y/n puts on her cutest clothes and Timothée lets her style his hair however she wants, she opts for the usual way he does it which is her favorite.

They step outside and get in his car, she interlocks their fingers and he doesn’t let go as he drives silently.

He speaks up when they’re almost at the theatre, “You’ve been so patient with me, Y/n. More patient than you maybe should have been. I’m grateful for that, and I’m sorry.”   

Y/n smiles at that and nods, “Thank you, Timmy. It’s okay… I understand where you were coming from.”

He parks the car in the parking lot and leans over to kiss her, he kisses her lightly first, but when he pulls away he meets her eyes and grins, leaning in again and kissing her deeper than the first. His hands gently hold her face as he slips his tongue in between her lips, “Fuck, maybe we should skip the movie.” He mumbles against her lips, she giggles and kisses him one more time before taking off her seatbelt and getting out of the car.

“Come on, we’re already here, lover boy.”

Timothée sighs and grins as he also gets out.

During the movie, Timothée has an arm wrapped around Y/n the whole time, mindlessly playing with her hair as she rests her head on his shoulder.

Towards the end, he whispers to her, “Someone down there is recording us.” She looks down and sees the camera, they both wave in sync which makes them laugh.

When the credits roll, Timothée kisses her head before standing up and offering his hand to her.

They discuss the movie on their walk out when Timothées phone rings, he apologizes and answers it as he opens the car door for Y/n.

“One second, baby.” He quickly says before shutting the door and leaning against the hood of the car. 

She sighs and unlocks her phone, seeing a couple messages from her best friend. 

The most recent one says- Y'ALL ARE TRENDINGGG

She smiles and clicks the link that she also sent, the headline of the article makes her laugh “NEW RELATIONSHIP ALERT: TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET AND Y/N L/N SPOTTED ON A MOVIE DATE TODAY” 

“That was quick.” She mumbles and sees the pictures are of their little makeout in the parking lot.

Timothée gets in the car and chuckles, “Apparently people are wondering why you're with me cause you're way too beautiful.” He says, Y/n giggles and shakes her head.

“Sure they are.” She rolls her eyes.

“I'm serious! I shouldn't have been worried about you, cause why am I lowkey hurt.” He jokes, Y/n kisses his cheek and pinches his other one.

“Stop it. You're my beautiful boy.” She smiles, he grins and kisses her again, starting the car.

“I can't wait to show you off.” 

*

[scariusaquarius]

protection.

CHRISTMAS ADVENT BONANZA 2K24 Day 17: Rosy Cheeks, Keigo 'Hawks' Takami

Keigo 'Hawks' Takami x Fem! Reader Summary: Winter has come and blanketed Musutafu in white; the cold making the #2 hero rethink his life choices. Hawks doesn't mind when he gets to spend his time warming up with you.

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A/n: I'm sorry about missing the last two days. I'll write those up when the event is over and post those after. Until then, we move forward

-

Genre: Romance Rated: Everyone Warning: Fluff, Humor, Hawks is so cute!

-

Author: ScariusAquarious

-

If there was one thing that Keigo Takami hated, it was the cold. Whipping through the air at incredibly high speeds while it was cold out made the wind feel like knives slicing into the meat of his cheeks; akin to butter, if Keigo had to really think about it.

While he hated it, Keigo didn't complain until he was in the safety of his home. Being a hero didn't just stop because it was cold and snowing, and Keigo knew that.

However, that didn't mean he didn't enjoy it. Hell, even the jacket he wore as part of his uniform didn't help to keep the cold away, and Hawks hated wearing ski-masks or anything akin to that because the material was always too scratchy against his facial hair.

Landing on his balcony, Keigo sighed and ruffled his feathers free of ice and snow before he kicked his boots clean, shivering as a strong gust of wind blew against his body as if it was offended he was escaping from the cold.

Walking inside, Keigo was greeted by the extreme warmth of his home; the fireplace roaring while humming echoed from his kitchen. Keigo announced as he walked inside, taking off his boots and his jacket.

"I'm home, dove!"

You called for him in the kitchen, and Keigo walked inside, inhaling deeply as the scent of dinner and sweets tickled his nose. You were standing at the counter, scrolling through your phone while wearing a Hawks onesie, and Keigo couldn't help but to chuckle at the small stuffed wings that were idly bouncing against your back with every breath.

"Well, ain't you a sight for sore eyes, darlin'. What you got cookin? It smells delicious."

Keigo complimented, and you glanced up at him with a kind smile, Keigo's cheeks tingling slightly as the heat slowly began to warm and thaw his skin.

"I'm making some chicken panini. I also have some cookies in the oven."

Keigo couldn't help but to groan, throwing his head back as you giggled at his theatrics.

"That sounds so good. I'm starving already!"

"Well, you should probably warm up first before you think about food. Your poor cheeks are so red, baby!"

You cupped his cheeks, and Keigo hummed, smiling and closing his eyes slightly as your hands immediately began to warm them up. He teased after a moment, winking at you as a few stray feathers tickled your nose and neck.

"It's just because you're so hot, I can't help but blush when I'm with you."

You rolled your eyes, snorting, and you brushed your thumbs across his skin before teasing back.

"Whatever. Looks like Jack Frost nipped your nose properly this time."

You leaned forward, gently nipping his frozen nose, and Keigo jolted slightly, giggling at you. He brought you close, kissing your forehead before holding you tight, murmuring as you wrapped your arms around his waist.

"Been waiting to see you all day, baby bird. It was almost unbearable out there today."

"Speaking of which, I did want to give you one of your Christmas presents early if that's okay with you?"

Keigo became intrigued, and he tilted his head slightly as you pulled away and disappeared into the bedroom; coming back with a medium-sized box.

"Now, I made sure that this was approved to give you before I even bought it, but since it's getting cold, I didn't want you to get sick while you did your hero work. So, Merry early Christmas."

Keigo carefully unwrapped the package before he gawked slightly. Within his hands was an incredibly large jacket that matched his uniform, equipped with a silk face mask that had fleece on the outside for added protection. You began to explain as he looked it over, saying.

"I know you hate the scratchy feeling of your jacket's collar against your face, so I made sure to get the mask part of the jacket tailored with silk so there's less chance of it snagging and scratching your face. I did get some help with the design, but everything else was my idea."

Keigo smiled, his heart warming up as he said to you.

"This is amazing, babe! I don't even really know what to say."

"Try it on!"

Keigo slipped the jacket on, humming at the soft feeling of the silk and fleece, and he brushed his hands against the outside of the jacket; the beige and black leather smooth beneath his fingertips.

"It fits like a glove. This is amazing. For a stuffed jacket, it feels lightweight."

He spun around for you, and Keigo damn-near melted at the sight of your big smile, his own smile growing beneath the silk facemask.

"That was on purpose. I didn't want you to be weighed down just because you wanted to be warm. Don't worry about this getting ruined during battle somehow, either, I ordered a bunch of backups for you."

Keigo embraced you, though it was slightly awkward because of how bulky the jacket was.

"This is amazing, thank you so much, dove. I feel a bit bad cause I don't have an early present for you."

You shook your head and pulled away, shaking your head before resting your hands upon his rosy cheeks.

"You don't have to apologize. I wanted you to be safe while in uniform, and that includes being safe from the cold too."

Keigo placed his hands over yours before he leaned forward, capturing your lips in a deep and firm kiss before he pulled back to nuzzle his nose against yours.

"You're too good to me, dove."

You giggled, nuzzling his nose right back.

"Only because you're too good to me."

END DAY 17

[peachphernalia]

thoughts... on the soul/whole dynamic... i feel like whole would be simultaneously flattered and creeped out that soul treats him like he's sacred. he just wants soul to understand he's Just Some Guy, and soul is like "you're so humble, it's incredible, how can you be so perfect?" because to soul, meeting whole is having a personal meeting with god Himself. meanwhile whole is just like "why is he looking at me like that. please just have a normal human conversation with me" while soul is following him like a loyal puppy

-sainteclectic {if you know that name, mostly this is so i don't forget my own ask lol}

hey sorry this took me 1 million years to respond to i was trying not to completely fly off the handle

cut because this got long Sorry

^ [actual thing i said]

deep breath . ok WELL.

i agree with much of what you said i definitely think whole is a wet cat of a man who doesn’t know how to cope with being loved in any substantial capacity much less Whatever This Is but i think it gets even more complicated because . well quite simply i think he’s not actually sure what a normal self image is supposed to be . he doesn’t know what he’s Supposed to have with soul . i mean it’s uncomfortable definitely it’s offputting for him [both because being worshipped like this is Unsettling & also just because the idea that he has any love in him is uncomfortable] but he thinks Maybe this is what it’s supposed to look like maybe self is just an uncomfortable concept . maybe it’s supposed to make him feel. like . This (?????)

i ALSO think he is a bit selfish . which i of course say with love & affection because i think that is a perfectly fine thing to be . the level of fanaticism he receives from soul is definitely more than he Wants & definitively more than he feels safe with but it’s like coming home freezing cold & then showering in the absolute hottest water possible to warm yourself up . very odd analogy but he’s sort of been starving himself of self love for so long that he will still rather gladly take Too Much by the handfuls

all this to say my interpretation of whole . i think would kind of never tell soul to stop ? sighh soul loves him & it is certainly too much but hes torn between [this should not be happening nobody should care about me this much there cannot be any piece of me that loves this wholly] & the part of him that doesn’t ever ever want soul to stop . so it sort of just ends up with him being weird & aloof & trying to be distant so he doesn’t have to keep feeling weird about it without ever actually asking soul to back off

he is certainly creeped out by the religious aspects of it though . absolutely . >^-^<

idk if Any of this ended up making sense deepest apologies if i am onto Nothing . explaining the way my whole interpretation works gets complicated because he jumps through like 5million psychological hoops to reach somehow the most inconclusive set of ideals the world has ever seen . & he’s horrifically hypocritical which makes things even more tricky

will perhaps elaborate further on soul’s half of things [the half i actually have more developed thoughts on] later but this post is getting longgggg

thank youfor the ask to my blog >^-^<

[clarkeybabey]

❝ i'll do it better than he can ❞

# summary; your boyfriend kind of sucks

# playlist; your guilty pleasure - henry verus, knuckles - moose blood

# word count; 1k

# note; the casual x chrismd fic is actually in the works btw

Arthur feels his eyes roll into the back of his head as Jack, the insufferable man you've begun going out with, drones on about how his tiktok supposedly blew up, "It's got almost five thousand likes, mate, 's mental."

Isaac nods, Liv and Becky stand next to you, tapping through your phone at the photos you'd taken just earlier. You stifle a giggle at how as he continues to speak, more of your friends have slipped away to the toilet, called it a night, or simply tuned him out.

He was biting his tongue because he knows what you'd say if he were to so much as murmur what he really thought about this guy, or if he were to arrogantly laugh in his face saying how he got that in ten minutes of posting something.

To prevent allowing his internal, jealous rage to peak through his usual demeanor, he gets up off his seat heading for the bar, "Uh.. shot of southern comfort, please." Harder liquor should help him get through the night.

He lets out an exasperated breath he hadn't realized was crowding his lungs following it with several deeper ones, his skin feels prickly, and he wants more than anything to go home.

Thinking of how close you once were, about the few nights you spent in his bed, the only sounds being moans and heavy breathing. How you used to come get him after pub crawls and take him home, making sure he was comfortable.

You hadn't done that for months, not because you didn't still offer but because you expressed how Jack felt about you being alone with him, so Arthur simply stopped calling when he was drunk.

Nodding at the barman as he slides the shot he ordered to him, knocking it back like it was nothing, however, the way his face twists into a grimace and the alcohol burns the entire way down makes him realize what he's done. He knows how terribly he handles his drink but he went ahead and let his intrusive thoughts win.

Quite a few things are swirling in his mind as he stares at you from across the room, shamelessly letting his eyes flick down your body to your legs in those ripped skinny jeans, he bites hard on his lip when they fall upon your ass in them. Fuck. He feels all the blood in his body rush to his face when you turn and look directly at him. And dammit now you're walking over.

Never has he really been a religious man but he's praying you wouldn't notice him eye-fucking you or the way he was now watching the way your tits bounced against the tight, cropped top you were sporting or how he practically salivated over the sway of your hips as you stalk toward him.

"What ya up to?" he picks up on your sing-song tone. Just thinking about how much better I could be for you, he wishes he had taken another shot because then maybe he'd have the courage to utter that sentence: "Was getting a shot, and now I'm getting another martini. " He states untruthfully, but the matter-of-fact edge he has to his voice has you nodding, suspicion swirling in your mind.

His gaze lingers when you notice you wrap your arms around yourself, leaning your weight onto one foot. You hate how he made your pulse quicken, and when you saw him standing alone across the room, you felt a gravitational pull in his direction.

Jack never made you feel that way; sometimes, you felt the opposite. Arthur's just different—he always has been. He never made you feel weird about your interests; hell, you shared most of them. If you ever needed anything, you knew he'd be a call away, and vice versa.

You hadn't noticed how long you stood in silence or how he was reading you like a book until he said, "What're you thinking about?" His eyes roam over your features, watching you stutter with a knowing smirk, "And don't lie to me. You're an awful liar, love."

You internally swoon as the name makes your stomach somersault, "Just that I miss you, we never hang out anymore," he scoffs glaring daggers over your shoulder, presumably at Jack who you can feel staring a hole straight through you. His chin tilts slightly, eyeing you once more before murmuring, "You and I both know why that is."

Racking your brain for a rebuttal you come up empty, any and all words dying on your tongue, as much as you hate to admit it, he's right. You let your relationship drive a wedge between you, despite it not always being strictly platonic, the two of you were still incredibly close for years and all that's changed in three months.

Your phone comes to life in your back pocket, the custom tone Jack chose for himself echoing through the space between you. You resist the urge to sigh, his timing is always impeccable. "I'd bet you a tenner, he's suddenly ready to leave," you murmur, Arthur observing the screen with a hint of irritation in his gaze.

"He has a knack for butting in at the most inconvenient moments," Arthur comments with a dry chuckle, clearly amused yet envious of Jack's presence in your life.

You snort, it shouldn't be true for a man you claim as your boyfriend, but it is, you swear the more time you've spent with him the more overwhelming he's become, "Just gonna tell him 'm going with Liv tonight." You know that won't happen, she told you before you rocked up tonight, that she'd be going home with her boyfriend as they had set plans for the next morning.

Never have you been supportive of those who are enough of an asshole to break up with someone over text but you definitely might have to become one of them with this guy, he won't take it well no matter how you do it. If he made you feel how the man standing just in front of you, fiddling with his fingers did, maybe you would consider things.

He mutters, "She's going with Bach, you can always stay with me," his voice conveying hints of uncertainty and yearning. You lift your gaze in an attempt to meet his eyes, which he carefully sidesteps suddenly fairly interested in his ratty airforces.

"I was promised a Harry Potter marathon the last time we filmed with Chris anyway," he adds with a smirk. You can't help the way the corners of your mouth twitch. The fact that he remembers sending a flutter through your chest, his thoughtfulness always has you giggling like a schoolgirl.

You hum in agreement as you continue typing up your response, a playful smile on your lips, "I might just take you up on that," you nod moving around him in the direction of the bathrooms, "Let me know when he's gone, yeah?" you throw over your shoulder before disappearing out of sight.

Arthur watches Jack's reaction from the bar while he orders his martini, feeling full of himself. Your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend shoves his arms into his coat sleeves and bids your friends goodbye as he stalks out of the pub his jaw clenched so tight he swears he's grinding his teeth

[nightghoul381]

Ellis Twilight ~ Main Route Both Endings Clear Bonus

Disclaimer for route warnings | Masterlist

Additional Content Warnings: Smut NSFT MDNI

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

I thought that my love would make the person I care about unhappy.

So I tried to think only about the other person.

If I did that, I wouldn’t make the people I cared about sad.

I believed I could offer love only to make the people I care about happy.

The truth is—Even at the moment I killed my brother, I may not have been able to offer him anything.

I think my brother was smiling happily that day.

But I also suspected that maybe I’d distorted my memory.

--In truth, I think he was just scared and afraid.

Like the people whose lives I’d taken as a member of Crown.

Such thoughts make my brother’s smile that day fade away.

To be honest, I can’t even remember the look on his face at the time.

(Is Kate still here?)

It had been about ten minutes since Kate had entered the shop alone, wanting to run a small errand.

It was taking a long time for shopping, and I was starting to get a little worried.

(If you’re having trouble deciding, I’ll let you choose slowly,)

(I wonder if she’s having trouble with strange people talking to her.)

While I was wondering whether I should go and look for her, I saw Kate through the glass window in the door.

(Ah… I’m glad you’re coming back--)

The relief was short-lived, as my heart soon began to flutter again.

Kate was having a friendly chat with the man walking behind her.

They seemed close to each other, with the man holding the door open for her and Kate thanking him with a smile.

I couldn’t even casually think “I like that about her” because it made my heart ache.

(--Who could that be?)

After parting ways with that person, Kate looked around and when she spotted me, she came running over with a smile on her face.

Kate: “Sorry for keeping you waiting.”

Ellis: “No, it’s fine… Did you know that man?”

Kate: “Yeah. He was a clerk at the general store who helped me out when I worked for the post office.”

Kate: “When I was assigned to deliver to an area where I hadn’t fully memorized the routes yet…I was panicking because I wasn’t going to be able to make my deliveries on time at all.”

Kate: “He told me about a shortcut and drew it on the map.”

Ellis: “Hmm, what a kind person.”

He seemed sincere and had a warm smile.

It was as if it were a completely natural habit to do when around a woman.

(I’m sure he’s someone who ‘does things for others’ quite naturally.)

(The more I like someone… the less I want to kill them.)

“He who kills people and laughs is the devil…”

“Repent and atone for your sins… you can still be forgiven.”

(Who forgives whom?)

(I just wanted my brother to remain happy.)

(Is the way I love unforgivable?)

Kate: “Ellis? What’s wrong?”

Ellis: “—Oh, it’s nothing.”

She was the first person I told everything about my past.

But still, Kate told me that she wanted me to love her selfishly.

(Since then… I’ve become more and more selfish.)

She was the only one who forgave me.

(It’s overflowing, and won’t stop.)

Ellis: “I’ll carry your bags.”

Kate: “! No, let me carry this to your room.”

Ellis: “…? Okay, understood.”

Ellis: “But… then we can’t hold hands.”

I gently tugged on Kate’s shoulders as she held the paper bag in both arms.

Ellis: “Can I do this instead?”

Kate: “…The roads aren’t that crowded, are they?”

Ellis: “No. It’s not so we don’t get separated… It’s because I’m feeling jealous of the man from before.”

Kate: “Huh?”

Ellis: “Also, doing this will warn off the many other people who are probably interested in you, Kate.”

Kate: “….”

Whenever I was being selfish, Kate would turn a little red, look troubled, and then…

Kate: “…Well, it can’t be helped.”

She happily forgave everything.

(That’s why… it’s overflowing and can’t be stopped.)

(Would you be mad if I told you that I still feel a little anxious?)

--Flashback—

Kate: “It’s not about ‘wanting to kill the person I love’”

Kate: “It’s more like ‘I want to keep my loved ones in happiness with my own hands.’”

Kate: “That must be… your true wish, Ellis. I felt that way when I saw you.”

Kate: “If you’re that ‘selfish’… I’m not afraid to end up being killed.”

(--Are you really not afraid?)

--End Flashback--

Ellis: “If you kill someone, it’s normal to feel even more pain, I guess.”

Jude: “Hah?”

Tonight too, I gently wiped off the blood-stained knife and put it back into its sheath on my leg.

There was a pool of blood at my feet that looked like someone had spilled jam.

Ellis: “But I… I’m fine with doing this kind of work.”

(Kate is a kind person who feels sad about things like this.)

That clerk at the general store I saw earlier today—I wonder if Kate would be happier if her lover was someone like that.

(But, I can’t believe that guy took Kate away from me.)

(I can’t forgive that.)

Jude: “Hah, what? You wanna be 'normal'?”

Ellis: “…No.”

I didn’t want to be someone else.

Because Kate fell in love with me.

Just—

(What should I do to make Kate smile?)

(I keep thinking about it.)

--

Kate: “Ah…Welcome home!”

Ellis: “Kate?”

When I finished my mission and returned to my room, Kate closed the book she was reading and looked up.

Lately, Kate had been watching me and Jude work and became interested in it.

So she’d often read and study books about business.

I thought that kind of earnestness was wonderful.

Ellis: “Were you waiting for me?”

Kate: “I thought I’d like to have a drink with you when you got back.”

I didn’t take Kate with me tonight because it had been a hard mission.

As fairy tale keeper, she should probably accompany us on missions as much as possible, but I really didn’t want to show her the bad ones.

(I’m sure Kate knows about it though.)

(…That’s why she was waiting for me, right?)

Kate: “Actually…here! I bought mugs for us, Ellis, so we can enjoy hot drinks in your room!”

Ellis: “…Could that have been your secret pre-lunch purchase?”

Kate: “Yeah.”

Kate smiled happily as she held out two mugs of the same design.

Kate: “What would you like? Hot milk, herbal tea…alcohol?”

Kate: “Drinking alcohol from a mug… that would be a bit strange, huh…”

As Kate stood up from the sofa to get the drinks ready—

I pulled her down toward me and hugged her tightly from behind.

Kate: “Ellis…?”

Ellis: “…Kate.”

Ellis: “Kate, you’re so good.”

Kate: “…”

Kate took a moment to catch her breath, then she rubbed her cheek against my arm.

Kate: “Mmm… Okay.”

Hearing her agree in such a sweet, melting voice, I ran my hands down her body.

(Kate’s body is soft all over…)

Every time I touched her body, which was completely different from my own, I felt a little worried.

(It seems like it would be easy to break it.)

Kate: “Aah…. Mmnnn….”

As I hugged her from behind,

I pulled down the front of her negligee and slowly kneaded her breasts, and Kate let out a cute moan.

Ellis: “You’re already like this… Do you like being made to stand?”

Kate: “…ngh, it’s different.”

Ellis: “Is that so?”

Kate: “When you hug me from behind… It feels like I’m wrapped up in you… ghahh… it makes me happy.”

Ellis: “…”

(That’s not okay… Kate.)

(That’s a little too cute.)

I kissed her ears and neck, and touched her favorite places.

My body was so hot it hurt, but I wanted to make Kate feel even better.

Ellis: “Well then, should we do it from behind today?”

Kate: “Aah….!”

Her walls tightened and squeezed around my fingers, and I couldn’t hold back any longer so I pushed Kate down on the bed.

(Aah…)

(My head is a mess.)

I wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel good together with Kate.

I leaned over and looked at her face, and saw Kate looking at me with eyes moist with tears.

(It looks like Kate wants to feel good too, that she wants me…)

(Is it my imagination?... I don’t know anymore.)

For her, for me, for all those things—everything was mixed up into a mess—

Kate: “Aah AAahh--!”

Ellis: “…Gha, Ahh…!”

--

I hugged Kate, who had fallen asleep exhausted, and gazed at her sleeping face.

Ellis: “…So cute.”

Sometimes the thought crosses my mind that this moment might be the happiest one yet.

I loved her again today, with my blood-stained hands.

I dreamed of one day staining my hands with her blood.

(…I want to stay like this, forever.)

(I’ll hold you in my arms.)

(I want to gaze at your happy, sleeping face.)

Many times, I hoped she wouldn’t wake up.

If that happened, tomorrow would never come.

There would be no end to the happiness.

Even the moment I killed her—

(Ah--)

Slowly, Kate lifted her thin eyelids.

Her eyes, still dream-like, appeared and looked at me.

Ellis: “…---”

Sorry, did I wake you?

I wanted to ask her that, but the words didn’t come out right away. She looked at me and said nothing—

Kate: “…Hehe.”

Kate giggled softly with happiness.

Ellis: “…? Why are you laughing?”

Kate: “Mmm… when I woke up, you were here, Ellis.”

Kate: “I thought…I feel so happy”

(--)

No matter how scared I was of tomorrow.

Even if I was worried that when that moment came someday, you might not really smile.

(I don’t think I can help but love this woman.)

No matter how many times you woke up from your blissful sleep, I could still see you smiling happily.

Your smile made me believe that.

Ellis: “…Kate.”

Kate: “Hmm…?”

Ellis: “I love you.”

Kate: “…mmm.”

Ellis: “I love you, I love you…so much.”

Kate: “Mm…hehe, is everything okay…?”

I buried my face in Kate’s hair as I held her close to my chest.

It smelled sweet, like reduced jam, and it made my chest feel tight.

Kate: “…Ellis, are you crying?”

I was about to reflexively answer ‘no’—but I realized that I no longer needed to hide those feelings.

Ellis: “…Yeah… I’m happy.”

Ellis: “I’m happy because I get to see you laughing.”

Kate: “…I see.”

Kate, who still seemed to be sleepy, raised her hands,

Stretching out to her fullest, she gently stroked my head.

Kate: “I love you too, Ellis.”

(I wouldn’t mind being killed right now.)

If I told you tomorrow morning that I really thought that, I’m sure you’d laugh again.

I’m sure there will be many more 'happiest moments' like this waiting for me in the future.

[moonspirit]

I’ve seen the post where Annie’s so desperate she grinds on the table. And you stop by making Armin finding it kind of amusing ?!😭 Bro nah?? Like, I expected him to be what she graved to feel: 𝐻𝐴𝑅𝐷. I can’t imagine him being amused and keep doing what he was doing. He’s prob the kind of person who gets turned out by this kind of whimpers so letting her just like that.. nah… they’ll probably do it right here, right now, on his desk (and he probably has some condoms in the drawers because he excepted something like that to happen here😭)

[N/SFW]

Anon! Bold of you to assume that's not what happens! xD

I could've written a whole 10k smut scenario out but where's the fun in not leaving you hanging :<

When Armin's amused, he's amused at the expense of Annie being horni and frustrated and increasingly desperate because, god, hell yeah he's hard as a rock, but also... this is extremely fun to watch?? His pants are actively hurting with every passing second but how can he possibly miss an opportunity to let Annie grind on the table as long as he can possibly hold out, taking the chance to drink in the sight of every inch of her swaying and shivering?

There is absolutely some wild table sex happening soon but not before some good, delicious embarrassment. Boy is going to make her explain what she's doing. And why. And if it feels good. And if it feels better than if he'd do it. And should he do it? Really Annie? You missed me? Badly? How badly? Can you tell me? I want to hear you. Oh? What was that? A little louder please? You're so pretty like this...

And THEN...

😏

[fraseris]

gayreg manifesto when……

i first posted gayreg because it was just a pun that came to me. november 1st. maybe i read it in a youtube comment or something. it doesn't matter where it came from, just that i was compelled to pass it on. and people loved it. we had fun posting gayreg. it was a good time. it's a great concept too because there's some real substance beyond the initial pun. heterosexual homoromantic i'm sure you know about this, anon. he wants to intertwine his life with the lives of his male friends. i don't know if i'd picked up on this stuff when i first posted gayreg, but knowing it now everything fits nicely into the concept, so i incorporate it and it isn't a big deal. in actuality real life greg's feelings are not really any of my business. but he jokes about it and his friends joke about it so i feel alright joking about it too. in fact i joke about it a lot. i've probably posted more gayreg than anyone else online. and it's all jokes. but jokes are kind of a serious thing. you really can convince yourself to believe anything if you say it enough times, and when a joke goes on long enough it almost inevitably stops being a joke. i have repeatedly projected the idea of gayreg out into the world. i've made this real. you're watching jreg, and at first you're thinking "haha he has effeminate mannerisms!" but after some gayreg posting, your thoughts turn into "oh this guy is really gay." i never used to think like this, anon. we create our own realities and i've created a reality where gayreg is important. gayreg informs my jreg viewing experience. gayreg informs my tumblr posting. gayreg factors into how i talk to my mutuals. and gayreg really isn't funny enough to warrant the number of posts i've made about it. but i've made the posts anyways and gayreg has grown to fill that space i give it. he smiles so sweetly at artchad. he loves women who are men. these things shouldn't matter to me, but they do. by talking about them i make them matter. i'm giving gayreg life. i posted so much gayreg that gayreg became real. i convinced myself to believe in gayreg. the words you say and ideas you share really do have a lot of significance even if they're just jokes. you can convince yourself of anything. you can convince yourself of your life's purpose or your political opinions or your romantic orientation. maybe this is frightening to you, but if you post enough about how the elasticity of the human brain is awesome, you can probably convince yourself to stop being scared. even now i'm writing this post and some of it isn't true. some if it is lies, because they're funny and they make this a compelling narrative; posting gayreg has definitely opened up my mind to the concept of a homosexual jreg, but i don't think about it regularly. so why am i compelled to say that i do? why am i exaggerating the truth? nothing can really just be for the bit. something about the exaggerations appeal to me. probably i'm compelled to lie because the lies are actually true and the only person i'm lying to here is myself. refusing to accept that i accidentally turned myself into a gayreg truther. refusing to accept that the funny story i'm telling is my real life. maybe this is happening to me because i'm fundamentally susceptible to gayreg. maybe i should just give in. but even all of this is just another layer i'm adding to the confusion, and by writing it out for you i create the possibility of it being/becoming true. i've looked into the future of this blog. i've seen a world where gayreg spirals forever and i become the first cccru rpf warrior. to be honest i don't really want that for myself. the way i jregpost has already been described as mentally well and i only know a handful of loyal people who wouldn't unfollow me for the crime of shipping canadian youtubers. it's really an existential question. how far could i go? how far should i go? what are the limits of my mind? you ask me to write a gayreg manifesto. do you really think i'm serious enough about gayreg to do that?

[d0gbite]

i’m not saying they can’t identify AS whatever they want. this is what transphobes are usually arguing: that it’s silly/dumb/unreasonable to identify as anything other than cishet humans. i’m saying only the word they are choosing to describe their identity is inaccurate. not quite the same.

you criticized me for saying they don’t like the word otherlink despite them not saying that, but then you assume they only use the word therian because it feels more correct, despite them not saying that either? they quite literally said in the post that they don’t want to use otherlink. and, like i said, picking and choosing labels just based on “well i don’t want this one, i want that one instead” is real reminiscent of biphobes who don’t want to be called bisexual.

i was specifically asking why they wouldn’t want to be called a word that applies to them and instead a word that doesn’t. i cant think of a reason, ESPECIALLY when they included things in the post like “i chose to be a raccoon, therefore i AM a raccoon. i don’t need to compromise,” which sounds suspiciously like they’re saying being otherlink *isnt* actually being the thing they say they are, and *is* compromising on being what they say they are. neither of these things are true, and they come across as ‘otherlinkphobic’

essentially, my whole argument boils down to: words have meaning. i’m not saying they CANT use them inaccurately, i cant stop them. i’m just that they ARE inaccurate. i promise you i am not the one who came up with the definition of the word therian.

your second to last paragraph is kind of the whole entire issue. i don’t think it’s fair for others to change a label that doesn’t apply to them away from its original meaning, despite backlash from those it DOES apply to and who have been using it for decades. if you want your own words to mean your own things, then make them! don’t take them from others who are already using them. that’s kinda the whole point of the word otherlink

your argument, “everyone should just say they’re whatever they want, no matter what the definition of the word actually is”, would support me calling myself a lesbian and changing the meaning of the word to include just anyone at all. “straight man attracted to women? you’re a lesbian now! bisexual woman attracted to men & women? you’re a lesbian now! sorry, actual lesbians who are upset that i took, used, and changed your label describing your own experiences, but you’re just identity policers.” does that sound fair?

not everybody can be included in every word to ever exist, and that is okay. that is a good thing! because otherwise, words wouldn’t mean anything anymore.

“You can’t choose to be a therian! You’re supposed to only call yourself an otherlink if you chose-

SHUT THE FUCK UP ATTACK!!!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

I chose to be a therian. A THERIAN. I chose to be a raccoon, therefore I AM a raccoon. I don’t need to compromise with the community by adopting a label that I don’t want.

🐾

[madtomedgar]

Books read in april:

The Angel of History, Rabih Alameddine: Truly amazing book. Big themes of self-erasure, colonial violence, grief. Digs into the ways in which USAmerican definitions of mentally healthy can encourage self-erasure, or amputation of grief and memory, draws parallels between the deliberate cultural amnesia around the AIDS epidemic and the current, immediate invisibilization of anti-Arab violent colonial projects. Beautiful writing. The author truly delights in words, and is flagrantly self-indulgent about it, and I loved that. More people should just throw around words like gelid and inanition. I also loved the experimental nature of the narrative, the non-linear trajectory, the back and forth between allegorical dreamscapes/hallucinations, the main character’s current narration, his journals, and his short stories. However, if you enjoy things like plot, you will not like this book because there is no plot. It is just a multi-layered portrait of this one man’s life. So, I loved it, but not for everyone.

The Black Tides of Heaven, Neon Yang: Mainly I think Yang should fire their publisher, because this book read like a fleshed out outline that, in a year or so, could be a really good fantasy novel. I liked the world building a lot, but everything was too rushed to have an emotional impact. There was no time to explore why the twins have so much hate and fear towards their mother, it’s just asserted that they do, and the reader is meant to just go with that perspective. The main character has a massive shift in perspective and values, and it happens over literally a page and a half. This makes it very hard to buy, because there is just no development of anything. This includes the two romances, and the gender angst (though the gender angst is the most fleshed out part of the book). I think I would have hated the gender angst less if it had been more developed. As it was, it read very... weirdly essentialist? In that the second the one twin starts identifying as a woman, her character suddenly becomes the most Stereotypical (straight) Girl Character ever, and once characters choose their binary gender, they are perfectly socially conforming. Also, I don’t really buy... worlds with reverse sexism (so, women are seen as Better, and it’s A Problem that the main character decides to be a Man) where a compelling case for how this developed isn’t made? In cases like this, where the story is told from a male point of view, it feels like an MRA fantasy rather than critiquing a thing by turning it on its head in fiction. The evil mom is very sexy and highly effective. I don’t know... this story felt very personal and self-indulgent in particular ways, and I think is probably tied up a lot in the author’s own journey, and I’m happy this story exists for people to whom its narrative speaks, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

Voices of the Matriarchs: Listening to the Prayers of Early Modern Jewish Women, Chava Weissler: Interesting close history of the devotional literature produced for, and sometimes by, Ashkenazi women between 1600 and 1900. I appreciate that the author was open about her personal struggles with this history as both a feminist scholar and a Jewish woman. I appreciate that she didn’t tie herself in knots trying to find something she could use to argue that actually, our foremothers were super badass and the idea that they were oppressed and suppressed is modern misogyny read backwards! but instead was rigorously faithful to the picture her sources painted about the religious lives of these women and how truly cut off from mysticism and the higher levels of religious practice they were because of systemic misogyny within Ashkenazi culture, and how they still managed to carve out a small slice of meaning within it for themselves, but the slice is very small. However, this is a book I think you need a background in Jewish studies to really appreciate, and I don’t have that background, so there were parts I know I didn’t get fully. I do think the insistence on standard (that is, English) terminology for everything in a book that conceptually requires a certain familiarity with Judaism was a little silly and jarring. I mainly mean the use of words like “Sabbath” instead of “Shabbat” or “tabernacle” instead of “Temple,” in that I really only see “sabbath” used in christian contexts, same with tabernacle. The part about Ashkenazic gender construction was very interesting, specifically the examination of the category of “Women and men who are like women in being ignorant (of Hebrew)” and how knowledge as the marker of masculinity for this culture (still is, but it’s a stark contrast to how especially modern western culture sees masculinity). She touches briefly on a shift in the late 1800s and early 1900s of the ideal for women going from working to support their husband’s Torah study to staying home and being good bourgeois wives while the husbands worked, and now I’m very curious about labor and economic earning dynamics in premodern Ashkenazi communities, how that shift went over with women, and how or if that had anything to do with the over-representation of Jewish women in American feminist movements.

[lej222]

Supernatural Involvement and Ominous Signs in ASLFUA

For a while, many readers have theorized that there is some kind of a higher power/higher being in ASLFUA, and looking at the latest episodes it seems to have been confirmed. With this post, I've tried to gather every instance of the higher power's implied presence and all the ominous scenes in the story. I also included foreshadowing scenes that could have made Miae aware of certain things if she had paid attention because coincidences are important in the story, and certain moments that were defining in the plot. The list contains spoilers for the newest KR episodes and it keeps being updated.

Episode 2 :

Miae is reading a book in the library about how the last day of 1999 will be the end of the world: "'1999, a terrifying overlord is coming...the end of the human race.." -> this might be a reference to the famous prophecy of Nostradamus in which in the 7th month of 1999 a great king of terror would descend from the skies (which makes me think...is it July in the story right now?)

The Hwang family's phone stops working

Miae's dresser breaks and therefore she has to take out the trash, where she sees Cheol crying

"This boy is about to be this girl's most special person, someone whom she will never be able to forget."

Episode 3

Miae and her mother visit the Buddha statue and Miae's wish is not to be in the same class with Cheol - it doesn't come true.

Miae, Cheol and Jisu all become classmates in their last year. Miae and Cheol become deskmates by coincidence.

Episode 4

Cheol's furniture becomes Miae's, along with the contents of his dresser, something only he knows about

Episode 5

Yunhui calls Miae on their new cordless phone, the line is interrupted by another conversation, "Did you get the present I sent you?" - it sounds like a message to Miae from the higher power about Cheol

Episode 8

Miae ruins her bangs, her mother says she should do something about her hair - the first time we are told Miae should go to a hairdresser to fix it

Hwanggeum Academy uses corporal punishment - might be relevant later on?

Miae has to go to karaoke so she gives up on going to the hair salon (this foreshadowing is super crazy btw)

Episode 9

Cheol is compared to the protagonist of the comic Miae reads, 'My First Love Next Door Is Number 1' - gets into trouble and transfers, fights the school bully and wins, nicknamed Lucifer, has a facial scar, lives next door

As Miae is thinking about Cheol, her thoughts are interrupted by a cockroach in the classroom

Episode 11

Miae notes how strange it is that she keeps seeing Cheol while they didn't bump into each other the previous year (just like how Jisu later keeps commenting how strange he keeps meeting Miae) - Miae acknowledges the higher power

Yunhui's pager says "between friends goodbye"

Episode 12

Miae has a weird feeling when she's talking to Cheol's shoe as if it understands what she's saying

Episode 15

In her dream, Miae remembers Cheol crying and her making a wish with a stone tower about how she wants to be his friend. The phone suddenly rings, the TV becomes static and there's a storm outside despite the weather forecast not saying anything about it. The other end of the phone is silent and the lights go out.

Episode 17

Cheol's shoe gets smudged with ink so Miae cannot give it back to him. She cannot concentrate on her practice test, foreshadowing her involvement with Cheol's academy.

Episode 21

Miae again remembers some memories about Cheol saying he doesn't want to be her friend while she's sleeping

Side note: while Soonkki is a great writer, there's some inconsistency about Jisu's seating arrangement. I think she always meant him to sit in Block 1, that's why we got limited panels of that area of the classroom, but his position kept changing until his official introduction. Here, he should have been sitting in front of Seonghan, but there's another boy in that seat. In episode 23, we get a panel of Block1 again, and there's a boy who looks like Jisu from behind in that.

She again remembers her time with Cheol while sleeping on the bus

Episode 24

Daebak Academy notebook says "The teacher is spoon-feeding you, so why can't you pass" -> the higher power is giving hints to Miae, why can't she understand them?

Episode 29

Miae thinks about how she doesn't bump into Cheol as much as before, we get a close-up of the shoe and the Daebak Academy notebook

Episode 37

Miae falls on Cheol while playing soccer

Episode 39

Miae and Cheol are arguing but still bump into each other because of their parents

While Miae thinks about how Cheol should smile at people, she almost gets hit by a ball but Cheol saves her.

Episode 40

Cheol goes to Miae's house to do their homework. Miae's mother says she wonders if it will rain before she leaves. Cheol tries to change the lightbulb in Miae's room, but the lights go out because of the storm. Miae thinks "again?" and they fall on each other. She tells Cheol they should be friends.

Episode 41

Cheol agrees to be Miae's friend and we see a flashback of young Miae wishing they would be friends. While they are doing their homework the rain stops. Miae says planes even fly in the rain and Cheol replies that airplanes fly above the clouds.

Episode 42

Miae answers their phone and the line is interrupted again. Someone thanks their boss for the present and says they will do well on their own from now. -> is it a sign Miae should do well on her own after the hints?

Interesting to note that every time Miae might be involved with the higher power, certain objects in her room are highlighted - Cheol's shoe, the lamp, the notebooks. They all give signs to Miae that she keeps ignoring.

Episode 43

Cheol and Yonghui point out that Miae should get a haircut. Miae ends up cutting it herself instead of going to a salon.

Episode 45

Miae wishes upon a star instead of a plane so that the presentation in class will go okay. This actually comes true, as also noted by the narrator in ep 46.

Episode 46

Daebak Academy booklet says "nothing comes easy"

Episode 47

Something I've noticed is that throughout the story Miae keeps thinking she forgot something, and there's usually a situation that seems like the answer to it. Here, it turns out she forgot about Jinseop's homework. And Taekwang's song is about how someone cannot do both things at the same time. It was the same when she forgot about her homework while playing soccer. Forgetting about things is a recurring plot point for Miae, which culminates in the Jisu subplot where we learn Miae completely forgot about his existence even though she didn't have many friends who were boys.

Episode 50

Cheol's father wants to take a picture of Cheol and Miae, but Cheol refuses

Episode 51

Miae again cuts her own hair and wonders if she cut it too straight

Episode 55

Cheol kicks Miae's pencil into Jisu's chair (side note: you can see here again how Jisu's seating arrangement was inconsistent, he should have been closer to the window)

Episode 56

Miae gets sent out to the corridor with Jisu

Miae's friends talk about handsome boys and someone mentions the number1 student (Jisu)

Episode 60

Jisu becomes Miae's folk dance partner - the first time Cheol and Miae are not doing something together

Episode 61

Hwanggeum Academy booklet says "there's nothing you can't do if you put the work in, do not expect a miracle" when Miae is struggling with the dance

Episode 65

Cheol's father takes a picture of Cheol and Miae after the sports festival

Episode 66

In Miae's dream, Cheol's sister says for a while means 5-6 yrs, Miae counts she will be in middle school by then. There's also a memory of Miae running after Cheol, saying "wait for me".

Miae's mother tells her to get a haircut but Miae replies she needs a bigger allowance for it.

The narrator says Miae should watch where she's walking after she bumps into Cheol.

Episode 67

Miae loses her name tag and Jisu finds it

Episode 70

Miae wonders how her wishes never come true, but remembers she also made one with the stone tower as a kid, but cannot recall what it was about.

Episode 71

Miae's mom notes their phone keeps ringing since yesterday. The day before Miae wanted to tease Cheol with how she heard him saying he "loved her" in the shop and she saw him shirtless the same night.

Miae doesn't realize it was Jisu who called her a pervert

Episode 72

Miae notices someone wearing her name tag (Jisu), but doesn't find the culprit

Episode 75

Cheol wants to ask Miae something, but the homeroom teacher interrupts. Miae and Jisu get called to the teachers' room and have to do cleaning duty together for a week.

Episode 76

We see Miae's mom at a hair salon - could the lady in orange be Jisu's mother? who knows

Episode 77

Cheol stands up for Miae, but when Honggyu asks if they are dating, they both vehemently deny it. It suddenly starts raining.

Episode 78

Miae and cheol promise to be friends for real, forever. The narration comments, "But will they end up regretting their promise?". The rain stops. "1999, the final year of the century is half over" -> Miae's story is half over at this point. I have pointed out this before, but the series seems to be about the transition period between childhood and young adulthood, symbolized by the last year before the new millennium. Hence the title, 'green apple academy'

In her dream, Miae remembers asking Cheol if they are friends. She is awoken by their phone. the Daebak Academy notebook says "you are in danger if you are relaxed" and we see a girl talking to Cheol.

Episode 81

Cheol and Miae fall on each other and almost kiss, but the phone rings. Later, they do end up in the same position with an accidental kiss.

Episode 82

Miae wants to confront Cheol about the kiss and gets embarrassed, but her actions are interrupted when the trash bag she gave Jisu splits open, spilling its contents. Miae runs to him to collect it.

Episode 83

While Miae talks to her friends, she thinks back on her memories with Cheol and the narration says "I always liked.." and Miae looks surprised by it.

Episode 86

Interesting detail that Cheol doesn't know why Miae keeps looking at airplanes. If we assume she has a reason for doing it from the past, it's likely not related to Cheol.

Episode 87

Miae uses the trashbag as an excuse to run away from Cheol, repeating how she has to throw it out. All of a sudden, Jisu appears and takes it out of her hand, giving her a chance to run. It's just my personal theory that the trashbag here symbolizes Miae's vulnerability and reluctance to face her feelings, and Jisu takes it from her hand. It makes sense when we remember how his words made her think about her actions when she wanted to interrupt the confession. It's a great early foreshadowing that Jisu might play an important role in Miae's growth story as her voice of reason.

Episode 89

Cheol and Miae take photos together in a photo booth, first with Jinseop and Song-I, then the two of them alone. We don't know if Miae still has her pictures, but we can assume she somehow lost them during running around from the bullies because we never see them again. Cheol gives her a new name tag in the next episode.

Episode 95

Cheol gifts Miae an airplane model for her birthday. I personally believe this episode marks the end of the first part of the story and it's a turning point, but more about this under ep96.

While Miae leaves for school, their phone suddenly rings and her mom answers it. Miae sees posters about love on her way to school. For the first time, Jisu arives early for cleaning duty.

Episode 96

The series has had 2 symbolic illustrations at the end of 2 episodes. The first one was at the end of ep2, when Cheol and Miae's story started in the present:

Miae is offering a green apple to Cheol - a biblical allusion, here, the green apple probably signifies how Miae helps Cheol in the first part of the story to mature and grow as a person with her own knowledge.

This illustration comes at the end of ep96. Like I mentioned, I believe this marks the start of the second half of the story which focuses on Miae's growth as a person. Space is an important concept in the series, Miae also has planet stickers on the wall of her room,has a charm on her bag, etc.

"16 years old. An age much like the universe." "16 years old. An age where it's like you're thrown into space." - highlights the narration.

But why is it compared to space? We have the illustration right after Jisu splashes water on Miae's face and Cheol wakes up from his dream. In my opinion, it's because this is where these kids' limited worlds start to expand. In part 1, Cheol and Miae were mainly together, but as you grow up you start to feel like you're just one insignificant part of a greater whole. You might feel like you're the center of the universe when you're a teenager, and that the world is ending when you experience negative emotions, but as the illustration shows us, it's not just Miae and Cheol standing alone in the universe. There are other people, facing different directions, but they are all interconnected by an invisible force. Miae is looking at Cheol, but Jisu is standing in her shadow- because even though she was not aware of him, Jisu had his own life happening parallel to what we saw in part1, and this is where he starts to have an intersection with Miae. If there is a higher power in the story, it is aware of all these connections and talks about youth in a nostalgic way. The sense that these moments are fleeting is always present in the story, however, connections formed between individuals will always have a lasting impact, just like how the universe will continue to exist. Being thrown into space might feel like losing your footing, but here it's the personal relationships that ground these teenagers and make them stay close to Earth.

Episode 98

The teacher tells Miae to cut her hair after Jisu takes the blame for ruining the plant.

Cheol is acting strange because of his dream, and while Jisu looks at Miae the narration box says: "16 years old. An age riddled with the unknown, just like the universe."

Episode 99

Miae's hair gets stuck in the zipper of Cheol's bag and he pulls it out, ruining her bangs in the process. They go to the infirmary after Miae gets scratched by the zipper.

Episode 100

At the countryside, while Miae picked a flower she thought how nice it would be if Cheol came to her school - and it became true. She thinks how it was so strange -> Miae again unknowingly acknowledges the higher power when it comes to Cheol

Episode 101

It's raining and the TV is not working in Cheol's home. He remembers taking a picture with Miae in the countryside. He asks his father about the picture on the sports day -> the data was lost. Miae gets grounded by her mother and she wants her to quit the academy.

Episode 102

I've mentioned symbolic objects in the story, but this one was noted by other readers as well: in ep 101, Miae accidentally drops the chalkboard eraser out of the window and Jisu fails to catch it - but Cheol does. However, in this episode Miae tosses it back to Jisu before saying she hopes they'll never see each other again (it's the first, but not the last time she declares it).

Cheol fails to convince Miae's mom about the academy -> Miae's mom points out Miae's grades have been dropping since last year. She makes her stance clear - she wants Miae to study.

Episode 103

It's raining and Miae cannot open Cheol's drawer in her room.

She tries to cut her hair, but the phone rings. On the other line, Miae hears someone saying "I only did what I did because you wanted it so bad, but you screwed up that chance! You don't deserve that project, I'm going to hand it to someone else." -> the first time the higher power tries to directly say Miae is late

Miae's mom cuts her hair instead of sending her to a salon...

Miae loses the name tag Cheol gave her

Episode 104

Jisu says "see you again" to Miae (and will keep saying for a while lol). Miae points out she never wanted to see him again.

Episode 106

After the teacher discovers their conversations in class, Miae and Cheol get separated and Miae becomes Jisu's deskmate. Miae and Cheol are not allowed to interact until the final exams are over.

Hwanggeum Academy's notebook remarks "Do you regret it now?"

Episode 107

Miae dreams about the flower from the countryside and a voice says she should hurry up and do what she wants about her wish if she remembers. She doesn't remember and the voice gets angry, Cheol appears and crushes the flower, telling her if she doesn't remember she should just forget it. The voice remarks Cheol is angry because Miae is late.

Episode 111

Jisu, who has also become aware of the coincidences, tells Cheol he's not the only one having something special with Miae.

When Miae calls Jisu her friend from the same class and tells him he should learn for himself, Jisu tries to say something, but he is interrupted by Cheol.

Episode 112

Miae thinks about their bet and how she should ask something serious, something more than friends do from Cheol, and we get a bunch of error messages. Cheol's dream is all fuzzy.

Jisu wins the bet, but we never get to know his wish because Miae gets angry at him.

Episode 115

The narration points out Cheol has changed and matured a lot, is it Miae's turn?

Episode 116

We see some posters about a summer festival, the forest in Midsummer Night's Dream and how everything is the product of coincidence.

The forest in Shakespeare's play is dominated by the supernatural - what we have in common with this story is the forest Miae and Cheol played together as kids, and obviously the involvement of a higher power. The coincidences poster is possibly a reference to Carl Jung's Synchronicity, a concept that states that seemingly meaningful coincidences have a deeper meaning, they don't have a rational explanation - almost like destiny, a deeper order in the universe. It's a connection between one's psyche and the material world (so you have to notice and acknowledge the deeper meaning of these coincidences in order to experience synchronicity). Jung used this to argue for the existence of the paranormal. For example, if you cannot decide something, you might come across a book on the topic. What a coincidence, right? In this interpretation, everything is interconnected in the universe, and we are a part of this web of connections. So those coincidences...were actually not coincidences. -> Hmmmmm.....I wonder.....meaningful coincidences, the universe, connections...why do they sound familiar??? BECAUSE OUR STORY IS EXACTLY ABOUT THIS NOTION! Who notices these coincidences? Miae about Cheol, Jisu about Miae....One has to be open to the possibility of the connection between our inner world and the outside world, only then they can start to notice the signs the universe is sending them. Soonkki, you deserve my applause! Because it was exactly what I said about the art at the end of ep 96 and the placement of the characters. Mind? Blown!

Miae thinks that she feels something is wrong

Yunhui's pager says friends goodbye

Jisu gets involved in the Yonghui-Yunhui storyline by coincidence

Episode 117

We see all the coincidences from Jisu's perspective and how he became aware of them. And what does he say about them? That they are fascinating and kind of funny! My boy Jisu got the synchronicity message.

This is the 3rd time Miae and Jisu didn't hold hands. The first time Miae pretended to help him up, only for him to fall back. Then Jisu held out his hand after the exam, but she didn't take it. Here, he again reaches out and Miae doesn't take his hand. Remember this later!

Episode 118

Someone steps on Cheol's bag, and he's worried it might be Taeuk

Jisu wants to join in another bet in exchange for his help

Episode 119

Jisu gets involved in the Shim storyline, and as we know from later he picks up the cigarettes to get revenge on him

Episode 122

Miae learns that Cheol rejected Seonyeong and the lights flicker in her room

She cannot remember her dream. The narration says that she should have realized that something changed.

Episode 123

Miae notes that she experienced the kiss in the comic book with Cheol

Jisu almost catches her, but Cheol pushes him away

Episode 126

The parents are having dinner together at a pig feet restaurant and toast for the future of their children. The TV is not working, and a boy who looks like Jisu tries to fix it.

Miae kisses Cheol

Episode 127

Miae has a dream again in the white dress. As she realizes she might like Cheol, the voice says she's too late and there's no use regretting it.

Episode 129

Miae remembers that they took a picture in the countryside together and wants to take one now. She makes a wish to an airplane about how she just wants one photo, and remarks that the planes never granted her wish before. Spoiler, they won't this time, either.

Miae chooses to take the picture with Cheol. The narration box says "she's always done whatever she sets her mind to. That has always been one of her better attributes. But Mi-ae, it seems as though you keep forgetting something. I told you, you're too late."

The pager's message means idiot, cancelled and it suddenly starts raining. Maie and Cheol cannot take their photo and Cheol cannot give her back the hairpin she dropped a few eps ago.

Episode 132

Graduation photos were postponed until the second semester

In Miae's dream, the voice says she's all over the place and cannot decide what she wants from Cheol. In her memory, Miae wishes at the stone tower that Cheol would like her back. The voice angrily remarks how it must not mean much to her.

Episode 133

While Cheol and Miae are looking at each other, Miae is smacked in the face by a flyer. Later while they are riding the bike, Cheol almost says she looks pretty but he is hit in the face with a flyer that belonged to Jisu.

Episode 134

Miae takes the cigarettes from Jisu and puts them in her backpack

While Jisu and Miae look at each other, the narration box says "Well. this is what we would call fate. What do you think?" Miae can sense the voice and dismisses it.

Jisu again says "see you later" and Miae answers let's not, but Jisu replies they never know and it would be fun.

On the radio in Miae's room there's a voice speaking, asking if it was a success and how there is something you can't stop thinking about. "A friend? The fact that you weren't wrong? Whatever it is, I don't think it's such a bad thing to obsess over it a little bit. I hope you have no regrets about it."

Episode 135

Miae's eyebrow and bangs are so ruined she has to finally go to a hair salon. Yunhui gives her money and says there's a cheap place where she can go. It turns out Jisu's mother is a hairdresser and after realizing she is Jisu's friend, she doesn't ask for money. So if anyone ever wondered why Miae kept ruining her hair in the story, here's the answer....

a little bit of strange wording here:

The narration says "Now that I think about it, this was about the time..wait,no, it was a little bit earlier that things started to go wrong, little by little. You two were completely oblivious, though. Just you two."

Miae's mother goes to the academy. One theory I can give on this is that Miae's family might be moving. She wished for it at the start of the story, mentions it in a later episode as well. Who knows ~

Episode 138

Miae doesn't tell Cheol her feelings because of her pride as she feels like she would lose first

Miae has a feeling as if something is trying to make her look bad in front of Cheol and her gun suddenly starts working

Everybody forgot to buy the picture they took together in ep 139

Episode 140

After conveying their feelings indirectly to each other, Miae tells Cheol they cannot date right now because her mom wouldn't allow it. She plans to go to the same high school, university, everything and thinks there's no one to stop them so nothing can go wrong.

Episode 141

Cheol imagines high school together with Miae and their friends

Every time Cheol is flustered, he accidentally drinks his sister's coffee and he cannot sleep at night..in a story where dreams are relevant I'm sure this is just a coincidence, right???🧐🙃😏

Miae says they should not be obvious before the entrance exam and they start to think of it as a competition

Someone watches them from the street

Episode 144-145

We get everything from Cheol's POV

Cheol got his scar because he wanted to give Miae the romance book she liked before they left and he fell on the stone tower

The picture his dad took of them is about a young Cheol accidentally kneeling with flowers in his hands, the same flowers from Miae's dream, in front of Miae. This picture was in the book Cheol and his family kept.

Cheol realized the book was in his dresser that is now in Miae's room, the one she couldn't open before

Episode 146

Miae sees two flyers in the newspaper, one is about how a student still didn't give it up, the other is about changing one's car

On the street, the same car ads keep flying after her in the wind

Miae goes with Yonghui to wait in a line and the same flyers are all over the place

Episode 147

Miae wants to call Cheol, but Jisu stops her. Miae notices how often they have met during vacation, and Jisu says these coincidences are fun. He remarks it's almost like as if some higher power is involved (!!). Miae is standing on the car ad, they look down on it with Jisu, then she kicks it away. Jisu tells her he has a feeling they will meet again, but Miae hopes they won't.

The academy is also full of the car ads and Miae falls on them

Miae thinks that for a while she's had a feeling as if something wants to get between her and Cheol, but brushes it off

Miae ends up with a bubble gum in her hair and goes to Jisu's house to fix it. Jisu tells her she should stay because he is bored, and there is a car ad on a stool.

Episode 148

We see some of Jisu's childhood memories and he was called a magpie by Miae which was a symbolic choice (I also made a post about it). Jisu in this story is the grateful magpie.

Miae and Jisu "touch hands" for the first time when they high-five (I wrote about how their hand hold never happened before)

After spotting some men smoking, Jisu tells Miae to go inside (one of them might be his father?)

Episode 149

Miae finally remembers Jisu

the narration boxs keeps saying how Jisu is cool and showing heart-thumping sounds and Miae is confused about these strange things

Miae not remembering Jisu was an important plot point considering she recalled everyone else from her past. As I theorized, memories and fate seem to be intertwined, the synchronicity theory also supports this. Synchronicity happens when seemingly unrelated events coincide and they become significant to you. It's easy to see why Jisu was aware of this notion, but Miae was not - because Miae had no idea about those coincidences other than meeting Jisu randomly. Him being her classmate, being the one who found her pencil, who helped her in the crowd, found her name tag, etc. - only Jisu knew about these. But right now, Miae was made aware that they knew each other in the past - a pretty big coincidence.

So now that Miae might have kickstarted her own fate, the question is whether she will be able to fight it or if there are certain things bound to happen no matter what. Is the narrator omnipotent and omniscient? So many questions that will hopefully get answered.

Episode 150

For the first time, Miae says she and Jisu will see each other again sometime. Before this, it was always Jisu who said it and Miae would reply that she didn't want to meet him again.

Miae remembers Jisu transferring, but doesn't know why he singled her out (so she will probably recall more memories later)

As Miae leaves Jisu's house, the car ads are flying in the air around her

Jisu enrolls at the academy and for the first time he says it's not a coincidence

Episode 155

Hwani tells her mother it would be great if they could keep being neighbours with Miae because she's fun. After a pause, Cheol's mother agrees.

Jisu keeps telling Miae she's a "traitor" or "bat" (depending on the translation, meaning she keeps secrets from others like the Yonghui Yunhui situation and the fact that she went to Jisu's house) and she might get into trouble because of that

Episode 158

Flashforward in the episode to a scene with Cheol leaving Miae at the academy while a storm is coming and Miae looks like she's about to cry

An hour earlier in the story the dark clouds are already gathering (I mentioned how rainy weather is always connected to the change in Miae and Cheol's relationship, and how it's usually an ominous sign). After seeing Jisu's flustered face, Cheol tells Miae that he wants to change the lightbulb in her house before she gets hurt. The lights at the academy are highlighted as they keep vibrating. (I also noted how the lights are signs of the supposed higher power, they get their own panels in Miae's room, and they went out 2 times when Miae and Cheol's relationship changed)

After Jisu reveals that Miae was in his house and Cheol gets angry, Miae's pager starts buzzing (again, the pager messages always appear when the higher power wants to communicate with Miae).

Taekwang is an interesting character because the things he says are sometimes connected to the greater theme of the story. Like when he listened to his music and said how Miae cannot choose two things at the same time (come on, it was the foreshadowing for the current conflicts!), he smelled Jisu on Miae (???), Jisu even said he's the one he cannot deal with, and now he was counting the seconds until Miae got another sign. Is he used as a medium? (who knows lol)

Miae wants to check the pager message but the fluorescent lamp(?) breaks. Jisu shields Miae from the shards while they fall on the ground, making it his first successful attempt to save Miae in the story. The pager lands in the corner of the room.

Episode 159

Miae goes to a phone booth to check her messages and it's filled with the car ads so she kicks them away

The first message is a loud noise of a song recording. I personally think if there's a higher power in the story, this message came from it. The other is about Miae's friends telling her they'll visit her at her academy which gives Miae a sense of panic knowing Yonghui and Yunhui might meet.

Miae sees an airplane in the sky and the narration says Miae has a feeling that something is interfering with her and the panels get fuzzy with flashbacks to phone calls earlier in the story (omg this is actually crazy)

It starts raining and we get a glimpse of the last countryside memory we haven't seen yet about Miae running after Cheol at night. In the present, Miae trips just as she did as a kid, but instead of Cheol she meets Tae Uk.

[wybienova]

dream visit (nostalgia) - a 2nd anniversary katfl comic

[ash-and-starlight]

things that have me fine and normal on this friday evening

[batsplat]

It's a thing I already knew but all your beautiful analysis really made obvious (to me) how much of a grudge holder vale is. That man is never letting it go he's gonna hold his grudges into his grave

you know, I do think this is an interesting issue, because I'm not sure this is true of all his grudges. just sticking here with the grudges he accumulated in his capacity as a competitor, rather than just his general approach to life or whatever... how you judge this will kinda depend on how you feel about the 'reconciliation' he's experienced with some of his rivals - and whether you read the whole thing as sincere or not. now, personally I reckon he still dislikes biaggi, but also you are allowed to just dislike people so I'll give him a pass for that. some of the others, I'm a little more convinced by the whole reconciliation schtick

let's get valentino's take:

interesting that he mentions those three together, isn't it? and like, he's still not messaging biaggi or inviting him to his home - "even with max" kind of tells you all you need to know - but the other two? they said some proper nasty things to each other over the years!! I mean, the casey rivalry, there's some remarks from both sides where quite frankly I think I would struggle just a touch to get over it

I don't know, obviously this could all be pr stuff, but I kind of feel like... y'know, why bother? it's 2022, you're retired, who gives a fuck? sure it's a good look to be all magnanimous, sure it can be a bit of a way of twisting in the knife to the guys left in the cold, but also, who would care if you don't play nice? I think especially with jorge, you surely don't need to do all that, inviting him to your home and dancing with him... (which, again, some of the spats those two had...) and with the casey rivalry, if there's one guy who's still hung up about what happened between the pair of them, it's obviously casey (speaking of blokes who can hold a grudge). maybe this is giving valentino too much credit, but personally I buy it's more or less sincere. there's nothing to really indicate he's still particularly bothered by any of their past disagreements - he's basically going for the 'all's fair in love and motorcycle racing' approach. he knows he was an asshole, he accepts they were assholes too, whatever, that's how these things work. he's generally a fan of drama in rivalries, unsurprisingly, and he was happy enough to contribute his fair share - but he does see it as fundamentally being part of the game

to point out the obvious, check out who he's left out: sete and marc. that's where he can't let go of the grudges... because it's not about the offence itself as much as it is about the betrayal. this is the thing with valentino, right, it's about what kind of bond you had with him. if you weren't his friend in the first place and then piss him off as a rival then, y'know, whatever. obviously he's going to be vicious in trying to get back at you, but also he's really not going to waste his time feeling too aggrieved by it. I mean, think about how all the bullshit between him and casey dropped off sharply post-2012... from valentino's end anyway. think about how jorge and valentino pretty quickly got on again whenever they weren't fighting for supremacy within yamaha. they weren't friends in the first place, then they were enemies for competitive reasons for a while there, then it's over and valentino is basically happy enough to call it bygones

but... if it's a certain kind of bond you had with him and then you wrong him... that little mental list of all his past grievances, all your past transgressions, that's where it comes in. that's where he ices you out. denies you any emotional warmth. ensures that any interaction going forward is conducted entirely on his terms. where even any public 'reconciliation' won't truly be sincere.... or, certainly he's not going to forget what happened. if something else happens... it's like you've always got the potential of triggering this lingering resentment, in a way, where all that past stuff is still primed and ready to be called upon. he certainly doesn't just let it go

or, as he puts it in his autobiography:

Biaggi and I never talk to each other. I mean, we've never had a real conversation, anything that's lasted more than the requisite time to insult each other or put each other down, in the nastiest way possible. In any case, I don't hate him. It's true, we've never been friends, but hatred is something different, and that's too serious a word to describe our relationship. Far too serious. No, we have a reciprocal antipathy. No doubt this is a result of what we do for a living and the fact that we both want to win every single time. And perhaps it's also a function of the fact that we have very different personalities and very different ways of seeing things. Still, I don't think this means we hate each other, as some journalists have written. I think I could feel hatred for someone, but only for someone far worse than anything Biaggi has done. For example, if I were betrayed by a friend, then, yes, I could hate him. But Biaggi will never betray my friendship for the simple reason that we are not, and never have been, friends. Our relationship is very clear: we compete on the track - outside the track, each goes his own way. You could say we detest each other cordially.

... I mean. he said it, not me. and given this book was first published in '05... biaggi can't betray his friendship because they were never friends... I'm not saying he's thinking about sete, but it has to at least be a possibility, right? he's talking about one rivalry here and refusing to even mention the other... and the one he's refusing to mention is the one where he was friends with the other bloke. I don't know, maybe that's reading too much into it! and anyway, even if this passage wasn't really about sete, it's obviously still revealing. "detest each other cordially" is essentially what he was doing with casey and jorge (or from his point of view in any case, not entirely sure they'd agree with that). the grudge comes when he feels let down by you... and then, yes, he'll never let it go

of course, he's willing to set aside his grievances for a while if there's sufficient motivation for him to do so. in 2009, when he had so definitively won that rivalry with sete, why bother kicking up a fuss? in 2016, quite frankly it was just too much, and it was getting to the point where it was obviously hurting him too. on the one hand there was the media furore that had been going on non-stop since sepang, on the other hand it was also hurting his own approach to racing. there's reports from the time how visibly aggrieved he still was in the first few races of the season, and it took until they got back to europe for him to... y'know, have fun again. it's not sustainable to be walking around with a constant dark cloud over your head and broadcasting burning resentment towards your two main rivals. certainly not for someone like valentino - he needs to be having fun! the slight rapprochement needed to happen, in a way, because otherwise those years would have been even worse for everyone involved. but that doesn't actually translate to forgetting any of those grudges. this is about convenience more than anything else

goes to show, really... most of the time he doesn't take these things personally. I talked about it a bit in this post, how maybe it's also something that changed over time for him: the question of whether he was willing to develop these kinds of bonds in the first place with competitors... because he does possess a certain level of self-awareness in terms of what these kinds of rivalries are like and what they do to interpersonal relationships. ideally, you don't want to be hurt by a friend like that, right? better not to have that kind of emotional attachment with your competitors in the first place. how unfortunate it'd be if all those years after sete the circumstances aligned for him to see a competitor as something like a friend again... because, after all, those are the only people who could betray him. those are the only people where he thinks he could truly hate them