#kind of a depressing image. tomorrow will be happier | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sunqyu · 4 years ago

Note

If you don't mind, could you explain the meaning behind each members message in be your own king? I've seen everyone talk about the greatness behind the message but as a new fan who's still learning about the boys' personality and stereotypes I don't think I fully understand everything 😅

I don’t think they’ve shared official meanings anywhere so it’s pretty much all up to our own interpretation. For me personally, I connected most of the scenes to things they’ve said in the identity films. Here are six of them because it took me longer than expected, I’ll do the other five tomorrow! (:

Let’s start with Hyunjae who said ‘Make your own air.’, here’s his identity film.

This one was a little less obvious to me but I’ve always seen Hyunjae as someone who speaks up when necessary. In the identity film he also mentions this, how he speaks up when he feels like everyone wants to but no one does. He talks about how strong his moral compass is and how he can’t stand injustice but this makes people see him as blunt. Eventhough he doesn’t want people to see him as blunt he’d rather speak up because keeping it in will be more toxic for him. I think with ‘Make your own air.’ and him being underwater in his scene he’s creating a metaphor. Air being a feeling of freedom, openness, justice, something along those lines. In a world where people are too afraid to speak up (wether it’s for themselves or for someone else) someone like Hyunjae could feel suffocated, as if he is underwater. By making his own air, creating a space by speaking up and giving other people the motivation to do so too, he lets himself breathe. Instead of letting himself drown in the injustice that others are trying to ignore, he creates air.

Next up is Juyeon, who said ‘Make your own character.’, here’s his identity film.

So Juyeon has a lot of different sides to his personality and to the way he comes across. He’s one of the more quiet or shy members which leads to a certain reputation. He went viral a few times which enforced this “first impression”-reputation even more among the general public but also among the fans. He used to be seen as a very pure and nice person. In the identity film he explains how this isn’t always true and to him the boundaries of being a good person are blurry. It was difficult for him to always be seen as just that nice guy. With more recent comebacks (Reveal, The Stealer, Breaking Dawn) we’ve seen a huuuge change in the way he comes across and he really got the opportunity to break out of that reputation. He also mentions that he wants to keep showing new charms. To me this means he enjoys figuring out who he is and playing with ways to influence his reputation. He has the power to create his own character, not fitting into one specific box or be a certain type and stick with that, but always changing and evolving.

My everything Changmin said ‘Make your own stage.’, here’s his identity film.

I could talk about this one for AGES but I’ll try to zoom in on a few points. Aside from Changmin being a born performer and how clearly we can see his biggest passion is being on stage, I think there’s more behind his message than that. He is one of the biggest perfectionists in the industry and is the strictest with himself. He also struggles with depression and in his identity film he talks about how honesty isn’t always the best move and how he rarely talks about his feelings. To me that sounds like he has a lot on his mind but chooses not to be honest about it in order to keep his relationships happy and to not make people worry. I speak from personal experience here but sometimes telling other people what you’re dealing with can only make the problem feel bigger. Sometimes it’s nice to not tell anyone so hanging out with them is a distraction from what’s bothering you. Like he says in the film, when someone shares their struggles you’ll only feel down together. He also talks about how he always tries to give positive energy to others even when he isn’t happy himself. (I could keep going but I’ll get to the point now). By making his own stage I think he means making a life and a side of himself that focusses on the good things. When he’s not on stage he’s down and struggling but instead of taking that with him into the rest of his life he created this stage. This stage is his escape from the negative thoughts, the stage has his friends who he has fun with, it has the music he loves and het gets to move around and indulge himself in his passions. The actual stage is where he is happiest and I feel like he created another layer of stage where he is kind of inbetween the way he is when he is dancing and the way he is when he’s caught up in negative thoughts. This metaphorical stage gives him the opportunity to enjoy life without the worries ruining the happy moments.

Next up is our Haknyeon, he said ‘Make your own romance.’, here’s his identity film.

The thing I love and admire most about Haknyeon is his confidence. This is something I noticed about him back when I saw him on Produce 101 and something that’s still very clear now. In the identity film he talks about how he has a hard time reading the room and considering everyone who’s there before speaking. This leads to miscommunications or annoyances that weren’t necessary. It must be so frustrating to him, trying his best but others misunderstanding him and taking his honesty the wrong way. Maybe he feels dilemma’s about being himself or giving that up in favor of the group. With ‘Make your own romance.’ my first idea was that he meant self-love. While others don’t always understand him, he has himself and he knows his worth. Even when others disagree or don’t see it, he knows that he’s a warmhearted and loving person. He’s proud of who he is and wants to show us that just because other don’t see it or disagree, doesn’t mean your romance and idealism aren’t there.

I loved Kevin’s part, he said ‘Make your own fantasy.’, here’s his identity film.

I could talk for HOURS about Kevin’s identity film. The first time I watched it I cried because of how much I related and how much I’ve struggled with the same things. How I see it, fantasy has two meanings here. First up the whole Peter Pan theme is a clear reference to Kevin wanting to always be a kid at heart no matter how old he gets. This also relates to the fantasy as in having a wide imagination to build that fantasy on. The second meaning I think is about the creating of the fantasy. He’s a social chameleon so he acts different based on the people he’s with to the point where he sometimes loses track of who he really is. To me (as someone who has a similar problem) making your own fantasy stands for taking control over your life and your image of yourself. It’s not about finding who you are but about creating who you are. Kevin has a very clear image of who and where he wants to be but struggles with questioning himself and pretty much everything. Make your own fantasy is a statement that focusses on taking back the reigns and making your own fantasy instead of it staying a fantasy.

Moving on to Sunwoo who said ‘Make your own vibe.’, here’s his identity film.

Another one which, to me, seems to encapsulate a lot of different meanings. Sunwoo is one of the moodmakers in the group and tends to stand out pretty quickly to newer fans. His personality is something I personally haven’t seen often in kpop. He’s a mix between cute and playful while also being mature and intriguing, so his vibes are pretty unique. In the identity film he mentions how much he compares himself to others and how he has a hard time accepting that he’s not where he expected to be. He doesn’t give any names but I think it’s safe to say he means other idolgroups with bigger fanbases or different concepts. With ‘Make your own vibe.’ I feel like he’s focusing less on the comparison with others and more about what makes him unique and how he can use it to his advantage. Instead of running after others he makes his own path for people to follow. I’ve noticed how he seems to feel more and more comfortable being himself on camera. He seems happier and more at ease, like he doesn’t feel pressured to keep up that tough rapper persona anymore. Now that unique vibe really shines through and I hope ‘Make your own vibe.’ means that he’s aware of how special he is and how much potential he has to work with.

#more rambles #the boyz #tbz #be your own king #kingdom #sunwoo #kevin #haknyeon #changmin #juyeon #hyunjae #anon #mssg

49 notes · View notes

crystalangelluna · 5 years ago

Text

A New Chance Chapter 2

Ao3 Part 1

I hope you enjoy the second chapter I tried...

But what can I say when you write a chapter really late instead of sleeping oh well... Mari does know their identities since they were comic book characters, etc.. Damien is only really here for 5 seconds but I plan on including him a lot more in the next chapter which will hopefully come out tomorrow. If you have suggestions or gave spotted and errors please let me know. Enjoy :)

It has been 9 months since her sacrifice, in those nine months a lot has changed, for example Hawkmoth has been put to jail for terrorism, and for manipulating paris to leave it in a depressed state for years but they couldn’t express it in fear of becoming an akuma victim. They slowly started recovering up after all the trauma.

The remaining members of the agreste family adopted the little girl who was akumatized. They welcomed Vivian Mari Agreste into the family 3 months later.

Marinette looking down below at them was very happy that Adrien has a sibling, and also happy for Adrien when he finally started being himself again after what happened.

During her funeral all of Paris went to express their appreciation for her, as she was the one who saved the world from the terrible fate of the wish. Her parents were proud and upset that their daughter was a hero of Paris, but upset that she had to pay the price

Heaven was beautiful, it was indescribable, unlike anything she ever thought it was. She got to meet all the past holders of the miraculouses and listening to their stories as heroes. They became the family she never had.

Even after all these months of thinking and trying to figure out the answer, she never knew why her last lucky charm was a Key Chain in the shape of a Robin. She figured it was one of those times where the lucky charm sends something that may represent the near future, like the time when she was forced into the Guardian title the prior year.

Every now and then she wonders what happened to the miracle box, where specifically in Earth B-42 did it appear etc. The PMH (Past Miraculous Holders) told her not to worry especially since they would be alerted if something happened. Her birthday was rolling in and was excited about spending her birthday with the PMS since they became like family to her.

On the day of her birthday the PMH made her favorite cake and all was fun and games until something happened. Marinette's necklace started glowing, The kwagatama had flown off her neck and landed on her hands. Everyone started gathering around her to see what was happening, curious as to why it would be reacting that way since their Kwagatamas never reacted that way. There was an image appearing out of and it appeared to be KWAMIIS!!!

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINETTE!!!!” Yelled all the Kwamii’s excitedly from inside the Miracle Box.

Mari started tearing up, after a long time of not seeing them and wondering if they were ok, they were in right in front of her and she couldn’t be happier.

“H-Hi guys y-your ok”she couldn’t help but muster out.

“Aww bug don’t cry we’re ok what about you, are you ok?” Plagg was the one who spoke up.

“I am getting better, I had a lot of help.” She explained and looked towards where the rest of her family was behind her. They couldn’t help but melt a little.

“Mari since today is your 16th birthday we decided to give you your present.” Tikki spoke up barely containing her excitement.

“Ooh what is?”

“A new opportunity for you to start over in an alternate universe on Earth B-42!!” Yelled all the kwami’s

“ Wait-WHAT!!!” Mari was trying her best to process everything that was just revealed. A NEW CHANCE-ALTERNATE UNIVERSE-COMING BACK TO LIFE-LEAVING HER FAMILY THE PMH. She then realized that she never gave up her guardian title which meant that it was her duty to protect the magical beings to make sure they never end up in the wrong hands again.

“ I have a duty as Guardian of the Miraculouses, which means I have to protect you from evil at all costs. My journey is not over yet it had only just begun!!.” Mari spoke with the tone of a leader.”

The kwamiis were all excited to have their guardian/ladybug/Mari back with them. They all explained what she must do in order to go back to the world of the living. She said her goodbyes to her family and went off to bed knowing it would be the last time she would see them in a long time.

She awoke from her rest thinking that it was all a dream looking around she expected that she was back in her pick room at the bakery. But was instead met with a chamber of sorts. It seemed more like a room for royalty, she observed as she explored a little. There was a knock on the door, alert she got the nearest weapon-like thing to protect herself with. Instead a woman in her 40’s came in then kneeled at her feet and started exclaiming in an unfamiliar language that she somehow understood.

“ Oh great guardian please excuse my inappropriate behavior for intruding.” “Don’t worry, no harm done, just one question where am I?”

“ Why great guardian you are in the great temple of the Miraculouses. After 300 years of waiting you have finally come to us. We have so much stuff to get you ready for.”

All Mari could think about was…

WAIT WHAT…

(TIME SKIP)

Turns out she was in the original temple of the miraculouses and that same day she was named the Grand Guardian of the Miracle box.Also that the language the woman and her talked in was the Guardian Language. After a long talk with tikki and the rest of the kwami's, she decided to stay and learn all she can so she can be a great guardian. She learned multiple languages, all the types of martial arts, how to wield a sword, how to summon the miraculous powers in and out of costume, and much more.

Once she was done with her training she left the temple with the Miracle box on a mission. To destroy all lazarus pits and bring balance to the world.

Her first stop is Gotham, New Jersey, USA.

She is able to heal places by just being there for a period of time and using her ladybug powers.

On the first days she made sure not to appear on Batman's Bruce Wayne’s radar directly, so she goes out and heals Gotham during the day and transforms into Ladynoir at night to help with crime. She occasionally comes across some of the bat clan on their patrols hearing what they were saying using her super hearing, courtesy of the black cat miraculous.

Keeping her stealth in check she follows them around Gotham seeing as she is seeing her favorite heroes since she was little saving Gotham. Also since back in her universe everybody here were comic book characters or made into movies and tv shows.

Of course she forgot one tiny little detail…

She was wearing Plagg miraculous.

So eventually his bad luck caught up to her when she was following robin for the first time on a fateful night.

Knowing that Robin Damien was more observant, skillful, and gets mad easily she was extra careful not to get caught. Of course this wasn’t the case when he suddenly turned around and charged at her with a katana. Using the first thing of self defense she “accidentally” said…

“CATACLYSM!!”

And right there where the katana once was, aiming it directly towards Ladynoir Marinette…

Well lets just say the Katana was no more…

Realising what she had just done (which was getting caught and completely disintegrated Robin’s Damien’s katana into pieces) she well....

Ran away……

But before she ran away she yelled “Sorry!!!”

She could tell he was chasing her, since she kind of you know…

Did THAT…

She hears plagg cackling maniacally in her head.

At least someone is enjoying the Chaos am I RIGHT?

Taglist:

@thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @kceedraws

#daminette #damian x marinette #maribat #maridami #mlb x dc #ml x dc #damianette #marinette x damian

74 notes · View notes

starlight-ascension · 5 years ago

Text

Song of her heart

(inspired by this image of Yuri from CurePuz)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Itsuki awoke to the sound of her phone ringing next to her bed. It was nearly midnight. Normally, she’d be annoyed that she had been woken up by a phone call, except that her phone said Tsubomi was calling her, and if Tsubomi was calling her this late at night, there must be a reason.

“Why are you calling me now? It’s almost midnight!”

“I just saw Yuri walking through the streets in a really pretty ball gown. She passed by my house and I don’t know where she’s going, but I feel like something’s going on and Erika has already begun sneaking out to follow her so now you have to come too.”

Itsuki couldn’t think of anything to say. But a part of her was curious about why Yuri was wandering the streets in a ballgown in the middle of the night, and that part of her was waking her up fully, causing the sleepiness to dissipate until she was as alert as she was during the middle of the day.

And she really, really wanted to see what Yuri’s dress looked like...

“I’ll be right there.”

She hung up the phone and crept out of the house.

Moments later, Itsuki had arrived to where Tsubomi and Erika were hiding with the fairies. All three girls were in their pajamas, everyone was whispering, and Tsubomi noticed Itsuki first.

“Itsuki! You’re here! Shhh, don’t let her notice you. Hide behind these bushes, we’re gonna follow her in stealth mode.”

It was then that Itsuki caught sight of the woman across the street, shining in the moonlight. The sky was clear, the moon was full, and Yuri was radiant.

Her feet were bare, and she wasn’t wearing her glasses. She wore a large white lily flower in her hair, and gold drop earrings shaped like crescent moons. Her dress was lavender and strapless, with a large purple ribbon at the waist, adorned with a white lily that matched the one in her hair. The skirt was short at the front, but the back of it went almost down to her feet, just above the ground. Under the scalloped lavender part of the skirt was a visible layer of white lace, which resembled more than one layer due to the massive ruffles of the skirt. Itsuki was breathtaken. This outfit was the kind of thing she usually only saw online, in movies, and when watching awards shows.

“Wow... that dress is amazing.”

“Where did she even get it?”

“It’s not from Fairy Drop, that’s for sure. Although now I want to make a ballgown for some reason.”

As Itsuki watched Yuri, she was glad it was summer. Going outside at midnight in just your pajamas and a pair of sandals wasn’t the best activity for any other season. Same with going outside at midnight in bare feet and a strapless dress.

The girls continued to follow Yuri as silently as they could. She seemed focused on something or lost in thought, or both. Her hands were clasped together over her chest as if she was carrying something precious. She finally stopped in front of the greenhouse where the girls had met up so many times to discuss Pretty Cure, those months ago when the world had been in danger. It felt like so long ago and yet so recent, it was hard to believe it had been 7 months since the day Dune was defeated.

Yuri stepped into the greenhouse. Erika attempted to follow her in, but Itsuki blocked her.

“She’ll notice way too easily if we’re in there with her. The walls are glass, we can sneak around the place and watch her from there.”

The girls and fairies crawled on the ground and followed Yuri from outside the building. She walked through the flowers, past Coppe, until she finally stopped.

The light from the full moon filled the place where she had stopped walking, bathing her in moonlight. She stood among the flowers, next to a sparkling waterfall. For a second, she did nothing.

Then she turned to face the moon and took out her Heart Seed. It was repaired, but the crack was still visible where it had been broken in half just over two years ago. She looked up towards the moon and began to sing.

“aahhh-aahhh aah-ahhhh ah...”

“She’s... singing?”

The three girls crept closer to the glass, where they could hear her song better.

“Wow...”

“I just wish that you could know

that I kept the promise”

“Who knew she had such a beautiful singing voice...”

“Cure Moonlight can sing-desu...”

“Shh! I can’t hear the words with you two talking!”

“Sorry.”

“Tell them all I’m fine

I see it everywhere

Final words before you go...”

“What’s she singing about?”

“Something sad...”

“Now I’m back in the game tonight

Dodging every blow...”

“This part’s less sad.”

“Pink teammate smiling at my side

...that I won’t lose this time

I feel it in the air...

...ahh-aaahhhhh”

“It feels like she’s singing about her life.”

“Shhh... we can’t accidentally have her find out we’re here, or even distract her.”

“Guys, listen... she sounds like she��s about to cry.”

As Itsuki listened to her song, she began to shed a few tears herself. Yuri had gone from alternating between singing about her combat life and singing about her depression, to singing directly to the people she loved who had died before her eyes.

Itsuki looked at her teammates to see they were holding back tears as well. She silently nodded at them as Yuri continued to sing.

“Fight... fly... cry...

Final words before you go...

...I just wish that you could know

...aahh-ahh-aaaahhhhhh...

...that i kept the promise, ah-aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh aaaaaahhh-aaaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

aaaaaaahhhhhhhh-aaaahhhh-aaaaahhhhh-aaaahhhhhhhaahh aaaaaahhhhhh”

“Why is she singing such a sad melody-desu...”

“I think her song is ending-desu.”

Sure enough, Yuri finished singing a moment later. When she finished her song, Itsuki could hear a faint splash. She approached the glass even more, and saw what was making it.

Another tear fell, landing in the water from the waterfall. Followed by another.

Moments later, Itsuki heard a voice from the waterfall. There seemed to be an image in the waterfall, too, but she couldn’t tell what it was due to the angle she was watching from.

Yuri began to cry, talking to the voice.

“Is this real...”

“Oh my god.” came a voice next to Itsuki

Itsuki turned and saw Tsubomi. “What is it?”

“I recognize that voice.”

“You recognize it? From where?”

“Shh, it’s saying something.”

The three girls quieted down as they listened.

“That music you were singing... is that Lana Del Rey?”

“It is the song of my heart.” responded Yuri.

“The song of her heart-desu?” said Coffret next to Erika. “It’s a tragic song-desu.”

“It would sound happier if it was altered just a little-desu.” came Chypre’s voice in response. “If it either wasn’t in minor key, or it was maybe just slightly faster, and if you removed most of the parts about death... The song could be a dance song, but instead it’s sad-desu.”

As Yuri kept talking to the voice, the younger girls continued to watch her, but they quickly realized that this was something to leave her alone for.

“I’m tired... Let’s leave Yuri alone and go back to bed.”

“Agreed.”

Tsubomi, Erika, Itsuki, and the fairies crawled away from the greenhouse and returned home, each girl sneaking back inside and collapsing into bed, falling asleep almost immediately with the sad melody still in their heads. Despite the sad music, however, they all had pleasant dreams.

☽༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝☾

It had been just over half an hour, and Yuri had felt almost every emotion in existence, although not always to a lot of capacity.

One last time... One last time to ask all the questions she had, and say everything she had spent forever wishing she could say.

And she’s there, too...

Yuri felt a strange sense of peace, for the first time since the final battle. As if she was standing in the waterfall instead of next to it, and the water was washing away the darkness and depression that had taken hold long ago and, while it had definitely faded, hadn’t managed to completely go away, until now.

“I feel... for the first time in a while, I feel like I’m turning a page in my life, or I’m about to.”

“And you’re about to get to a new chapter.”

She smiled. “The story’s just begun, and I’m going to keep on reading it.”

“There’s my Yuri... The night’s getting late, don’t you think? It’s past midnight.”

“Yeah, I am getting a little sleepy, come to think of it.”

“Lie back and touch the water. When you wake up, tomorrow will have come, and the next chapter will have begun.”

Yuri obeyed, lying down among the flowers and reaching out with her hand to touch the surface of the water. She gasped as the water trickled up and over her hand, continuing to trickle over her in tiny streams as she lifted her hand up from the water and placed it over her chest, as the images in the waterfall smiled and then shimmered out and disappeared.

Yuri looked up into the sky, towards the full moon, which cast its light onto her as she fell asleep in the gardens.

*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*

The next morning, Tsubomi went to the greenhouse to check on the flowers with Erika and Itsuki. She passed by the waterfall and noticed something. Shimmering light purple fabric.

She moved the tall flowers aside and got closer. Yuri was sleeping among the flowers, still in her ball gown. It was light out, but she was still sleeping profoundly despite the bright sun. She had been crying the previous night, but she was smiling ever so slightly in her sleep.

Erika walked up to her and focused on the dress. “Okay, now I really want to make a ball gown. You gonna help me, Tsubomi?”

“She’s dreaming of us.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“So do I.”

Right as Erika finished saying this, Yuri’s eyes fluttered open. She sat up among the flowers, looking at her friends. She slowly got up from where she had been sleeping as Itsuki came over.

“Hey everyone!”

“Good morning, Yuri!”

“Do you guys want to do something today? Hang out together?”

“Sure! It’s summer, we’ve got the whole day! What do you want to do?”

“Anything, really. Let’s see where the day takes us.”

Yuri began to head towards the entrance/exit to the greenhouse, ready to step out into the world. She only looked back once, to make sure the other 3 were following her, which they were.

“I have a feeling that I will soon have a new song to sing.”

#fanfic #cure moonlight #yuri tsukikage #heartcatch pretty cure #heartcatch precure #precure fanfic #finished at 12:17 at night

5 notes · View notes

emoboijk · 6 years ago

Text

ksj | my love (time apart)

You can’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone.—angst, idol!au

breakup :: time apart :: makeup

1,572 words

g.cred to owner

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA:

You don’t know why you’re here. Your heart is racing. You’re the one that made the big speech about “If it’s over, let it be over” and “You did this to us.”

You look up at the tall building, holding the box, questioning all of your life choices.

“This is a bad idea,” you say it out loud, hoping it will convince you to walk away. But your feet stay planted.

So consumed are you in your murmuring and panic, that when someone says your name you physically jump in surprise. When you look over, you discover that Min Yoongi is standing right next to you. How did you not see him coming?

“Yoongi-ssi,” you bow, flinching slightly at your own formality. He’s frowning when you look back up at him. It’s been nearly three years since you last called him that, nearly three years since you’d discarded the strict honorifics. Another sign of what’s changed.

Truthfully, all of the boys had attempted to reach out to you—all with condolence like text messages. As much as you had appreciated them, you hadn’t responded. They were Seokjin’s family, you weren’t sure how to exist in that world now.

“Jin-hyung’s not here,” he says. This time he’s frowning with sympathy.

“I know.” There was a reason you’d waited nearly three weeks to drop by.

“Then why are you here?”

You hesitate and glance down at the box. You shouldn’t give Seokjin the watch. You broke up. The engraving is meaningless now. Well...no, it isn’t. You still mean the words on the back of the watch, but it doesn’t feel right for him to have them anymore. But then, maybe because you still mean them, you mumble, “I was going to leave this for him.”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow and sighs. He’s smart and you’ve always been easy to read; you know he’s already figured you out. And it’s pure kindness and affection for you that makes him say: “I’m flying to Japan to meet up with everyone tonight. You want me to give it to him?”

You watch his face for a second, but you can’t tell if he thinks it’s a bad idea. But at this point, it doesn’t really matter. You nod and hand it to him, stuttering as you say, “I was going to give it to him...that day.”

Yoongi sighs again and looks at you sadly, “I’m sorry...he really loves you. I think he’s just trying to do right by you.”

You nod, and say the thoughts that have been circling your mind in grief the past three weeks, “I know he had good intentions. I know what he thought he was doing. But protecting me didn’t have to mean leaving me. He was the one that made that choice.”

Part of you hoped that your little speech to Yoongi would change something. You wanted to think you were stronger afterward. Or that something clicked in your mind. You’ve heard people say that they don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want them, as if that somehow just turns off your emotions. You wish it was that simple.

It did get easier, though, the pretending. Going through the motions of your day as if the sun wasn’t gone. As if all of the flowers hadn’t wilted. As if you weren’t suffocating.

You’d never imagined it would be this hard. You’d always thought of yourself as so much stronger than this; the kind of heroine in a story who doesn’t need a man, who only deigns to keep one company. In the worst-case-scenarios you’d imagined, you would mourn a break up for a week at most and then realize you were better off.

Of course, that was before Kim Seokjin. Before you found the person that makes you better—prouder, happier, healthier. The person that brought out the best in you, that you were most comfortable around, that you would cross the Earth for.

You wished that your image of him had changed. That his breaking your heart would ruin who he was in your head. But despite your hurt and his betrayal, he’s still the perfect, goofy, handsome man you fell in love with. You’re not sure there was anything that would change that.

OSAKA, JAPAN:

It’s busy. There are at least ten staff members hovering around the members with various hair products, reminders, issues. Jeongguk and Tae are both in chairs with stylists attending to their hair. Jimin’s on the couch with his phone in his hands, absentmindedly ignoring the woman painting his lips with shimmery lip gloss. Namjoon is by the door, speaking with one of the managers about a scheduling conflict or something. Hoseok is sitting on the counter by Jeongguk’s chair, laughing about something one of them had said.

Jin is almost laying completely flat on the couch, nearly ruining the perfectly sprayed hairstyle he’d been given ten minutes ago. He pulls out his phone and feels disappointment run like ice through his veins.

He broke up with you. He should be long past expecting text messages from you. And yet…

It’s only 6:32. They still have an hour and a half before the show starts. But they still have to make sure the clothes are ready, and the mics work, the staff will have a list of reminders, they’ll have to double check the things they want to say in Japanese with the translators, then Namjoon will probably want to say something…

It’s a lot to do. And Jin has never felt less motivated.

The door opens and Yoongi is standing there, two staff members behind him, his hair stuffed into a hat. He bows and apologizes for being late. He missed rehearsal. They sort of suspected he would. Jin’s not too worried about it. They’ve only done about a million of these concerts.

Jin frowns. His bitter cynicism has gone up a notch since he ended things with you. He tries not to think about the effect it’s had on everyone.

Yoongi is bustled into a makeup chair as everyone greets him. Taehyung leans over and shows him a video. Hoseok asks how Seoul was when he left.

Jin sits up, looks at them, in his attempt at participating in the conversation. He makes eye contact with Yoongi as he says, “It was fine.” Yoongi pauses, they know there’s something else, but he doesn’t elaborate.

The show was good. It always is. The members find it hard to ignore the black hole where their hyung used to be. But they do; they’ve all gotten very good at pretending. Seokjin is so good in fact, that at some points during the show they wholeheartedly believe the goofy, lovable, energetic performance he’s putting on. But he frowns as soon as they’re backstage.

They’re exhausted when they get back to the hotel, stumbling to their rooms with lighthearted smiles and jokes and the kind of pure energy that comes from performing in a stadium. Yoongi follows Jin to his door, taps him on the shoulder, “Hyung.”

Jin turns and raises his eyebrow, tries to make himself seem less depressed and fails. “What’s up?”

“In Seoul,” Yoongi hesitates. They have another show in a couple of days, they have work to do tomorrow. But Yoongi doesn’t like secrets, especially from his brothers. He digs into his bag and pulls out the little black velvet box. “She stopped by.”

Jin is dumbstruck. He knows, of course, who Yoongi is talking about. He’s felt so dead for weeks, that it’s surprising the jumpstart any mention of you gives him. He takes the box carefully, runs his fingers over the velvet softly, his chest constricting painfully.

Yoongi sighs, “I guess she was going to give it to you that day you…” he trails off. He’s watching Jin’s face, feeling his pain so intensely. All six of them watched you and Jin’s relationship evolve, they had grown to love you like dongsaengs. They all saw the effect you had on him. “I’m sorry, hyung,” he says, reaching up to squeeze his shoulder before walking down the hall.

Jin is frozen outside his door for a few moments, staring at the velvet box like an alien object. He’s finding it hard to breathe.

“Hyung?” Jimin says, pausing at his own door with Jeongguk and Hobi, his brow is furrowed with concern, “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Seokjin whispers, fumbling with his keycard and stumbling into the room. He drops his bags on the ground by the door, steps out of his shoes out of habit, and sits on the bed like a lead weight, never looking away from the black velvet box.

It hadn’t been an anniversary or a birthday. There was no special occasion. He’d triple checked. You had bought him a gift...for no reason. The idea was heavy in his heart. He took a deep, shaky breath and opened the box.

It was a watch. Not anything super expensive (although pricey considering your paycheck). A leather band, a black face, gold detailing. Seokjin sighed. It was perfect. He let his fingers trace over the watch face as if that could bring you here to him, or turn back time. He turned it over to inspect it and inhaled sharply, as though he’d been punched in the gut.

My Love

Two simple words. Barely any meaning. Almost completely unassociated with your relationship specifically. And yet…

author’s note—(totally unrelated but) omg bangtan won top group at the bbmas; we stan 7 kings

03: makeup ↝

for more of my works check out my m.list

#bts #rosynamjoon #hyunglinenetwork #bangtanbuds #bts x reader #bts series #kim seokjin #jin #seokjin #jin x reader #seokjin x reader

37 notes · View notes

commentaryvorg · 5 years ago

Text

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 5.8

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in chapter 5’s plotty part in which most of the plot is a lie, and the last time we see Kokichi alive outside of flashbacks, Kokichi did the literal direct opposite of what he would have hypothetically wanted out of the mercy kill plan, almost certainly did not need to have murdered two people to convince everyone he’s the mastermind, deflected his trust issues one last time for posterity, and him kidnapping Kaito was very definitely him making the stupid decision to use Kaito in his plan, because he can’t possibly think this is actually going to end anything at all. Meanwhile, everyone else despaired.

This time, more despair. And then maybe some hope… although calling it that will be debatable, really.

(I haven’t been putting content warnings on any of these posts because everyone reading should have seen the whole story and know what to expect, but this time I feel I should put a heads-up: there’s some pretty heavy suicidal thoughts coming up here, which I am going to be discussing at some length. Please take care of yourself if you need to. If you have to avoid it entirely, you can search for the words “Hope’s Peak” and just skip ahead to that part.)

Monokuma Theater has some philosophical musings about how people’s voices in telephone calls and flavours of shaved ice are technically fake.

Monokuma: “Do you think these facts are lies? Do you deny that these facts are lies? Puhuhu. What would the world be like if all lies were denied outright? I bet it would be a very lonesome world. Lies are what make the world go ‘round.”

He sounds like Kokichi. But these are the kinds of lies that are essentially like fiction – as in, nobody is ever really trying to claim that they’re the truth, and even if you realise they’re lies then it doesn’t really matter because pretending they’re true makes things more convenient and/or fun anyway. Lies that are truly meant to deceive people are something of a different matter.

(Not that deliberately deceptive lies are necessarily always bad either; then there’s still the question of whether or not there’s any malice behind them, like Kaito talked about once before.)

Shuichi: (There’s no reason… to keep living. There’s no reason to live. There’s no reason to live. There’s no reason to live. There’s no reason to live.)

Guh, Shuichi. This numb repetition really hammers home how broken he is. It’s heartbreaking but completely understandable that what he’s seen would make him start thinking this way.

Shuichi: (This is an epilogue. All that’s left… is to take up time. …What a boring story.)

Yep, that’s there. I wonder if this is in-universely influenced, in that the characters were written in such a way that they’re slightly more liable to think of things in these terms, or if it’s just the out-universe writers dropping a hint even if it means making Shuichi think something he might not necessarily think. Or it could be a thing with Shuichi’s character in particular – his Likes in the report card are listed as “Novels”, so he’s apparently into fiction. That’s definitely something the out-universe writers gave him on purpose to be thematic, and it’ll be worth keeping in mind as we begin to approach the end here.

Shuichi: (I wonder… what everyone else is doing…)

You’re still not quite alone, Shuichi! They’re a reason for you to live!

…But then his thoughts just drift back into hazy nothingness. The image of his room behind the text box is blurred out, suggesting that his eyes aren’t even properly focusing on anything.

“What everyone else is doing” probably amounts to much the same listless staring into space as he is. Well, at least for Himiko, and maybe Keebo too – you’d think Keebo’s inner voice would be yelling at him not to give up hope, but I guess that isn’t actually affecting him much right now. Maki is still being more proactive, though, and of course Tsumugi is fine and probably busy programming one bumper Flashback Light for tomorrow.

The next thing we get is the bell for nighttime again, which also really hammers home the fact that oh god, he’s just been lying there in despair all day. That’s pretty powerful.

At least, it’s powerful for us in the out-universe audience who simply realise that fact in a single moment without having actually sat through the whole day. However, the in-universe audience must have been really, really bored today. They supposedly love despair just as much as they love hope – and, sure, the moment when a character falls into despair makes a good story. But as it turns out, the despair itself, when that’s all there is and there’s no hope to fight against it and it’s not making anyone do anything worse because they don’t care anymore, is really kind of boring.

Shuichi: (I wonder… what Kaito is doing…) “That’s right… I wonder if… Kaito is okay…? Is… he…?”

Shuichi’s vision comes back into focus as he has this thought, and it’s the only words he’s actually spoken all day. Worrying about Kaito is an important enough thought that it manages to spark some kind of life out of him! That’s also a reason to stay alive, Shuichi! Kaito might need you!

Shuichi: (… It’s no use. My mind isn’t… working… And my body…)

…But this still isn’t enough. Depression will do that to you, making it difficult to get yourself to care about things you know you should care about. Shuichi isn’t usually depressed, just anxious, but it’s no wonder his brain’s messed up like this right now after what he saw yesterday.

(And it’d be hard for Shuichi to really latch onto the idea that Kaito could even need him in the first place. Kaito’s always fine, right? More fine than Shuichi, at least.)

Monokuma: “Your life doesn’t need a meaning. It just needs a purpose. In other words, you just need something to live for.”

Here’s another Monokuma Theater quite relevant to the themes at hand. This is actually a philosophy I’ve always personally agreed with! Life has no inherent greater meaning, so you should just try to spend it doing whatever makes you happy (so long as it doesn’t make other people unhappy).

Monokuma: “If you say Danganronpa is your reason to live, I couldn’t be happier.”

This is another nod to the in-universe audience and the idea that at least some of them, like the Makoto kid we’re going to see, really do see Danganronpa as their reason to live. It’s also still fairly relevant to me, since “whatever makes me happy” happens to include a lot of enjoying works of fiction that I’m into – hence this entire commentary. It won’t always be, but right now, Danganronpa V3 and the fun I’m having analysing it like this genuinely is one of the biggest things I’m living for.

Shuichi: (I should… get up. Or I might not ever get up again. I… … I don’t care. If I… just kill my—)

*ding-dong!*

Maki’s visit is very well-timed. Hang in there, Shuichi. Not yet. There’s still things you can do.

This sprite of Shuichi’s is another thing that’s great for getting across how broken he is. Even though he did presumably get some sleep last night as well, he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. He also didn’t eat (or even drink?) anything yesterday, which can’t have helped.

Maki doesn’t bother telling him she found a Flashback Light; she just instructs him to take a shower and then come to the dining hall with everyone, and he does. Even in the depths of despair (or perhaps especially because he’s in despair), Shuichi is still the kind of person who’ll just do whatever someone tells him to do, if they tell him in an assertive enough way and he doesn’t have a reason not to.

On the way out of the dorms, if you examine Kaito’s door…

Shuichi: (Is Kaito okay…?)

…Shuichi still manages to muster up a tiny bit of energy to worry about him. Aww.

Maki: “…Everyone here looks terrible.”

Being the one who’s least in despair out of anyone here, Maki still has it in her to be concerned about how awfully everyone else is doing.

Tsumugi: “What are we talking about?”

Himiko: “We’re discussing how we wanna die, right?”

No, Himiko! Can’t you see the Flashback Light on the table? Maki did not call everyone here for a group suicide. It’s painful that that’s what her mind immediately goes to.

Himiko: “I wanna go without suffering… Maki… can you do something about that?”

Maki: “Sure… but before that, take a look at this.”

It’s also a bit much that Maki doesn’t even protest the request in and of itself, given that she isn’t suicidal right now. I have to assume that she’s only saying that because she’s imagining that whatever they see in the Flashback Light will change their minds, and so there’s no point arguing about it before they’ve seen it.

Himiko: “Don’t stop me… I just wanna die. Tenko… probably wouldn’t be mad if I chose to die in this situation.”

It’s specifically Himiko who is this openly suicidal – the others also look equally down, and Shuichi was just about to think it earlier, but it seems none of them quite want to voice it out loud, except for Himiko. This makes a heartbreaking amount of sense when you consider that she was always depressed, and all of her efforts to fight back against that must seem so pointless right now. She’s even managed to convince herself that Tenko’s wish for her doesn’t apply any more… which, honestly, might be right, if this really were the truth.

Tsumugi: “We don’t need to confirm anything… We saw… the outside world for ourselves…”

Tsumugi is apparently employing reverse psychology, since of course this is her Flashback Light and she very much wants them to see it.

Maki: “Do you want to die… comfortably? I can help you, but…”

I love this turnaround of Maki’s catchphrase. Suddenly her specialisation in killing people painlessly is a way for her to help and be kind to her friends, at least if they do end up concluding that there’s nothing else to do but die.

Maki: “If we’re going to die, then we might as well do anything we can. We’ll have no regrets that way.”

Yes, do anything we can, including watching this Flashback Light… and then also rescuing Kaito. Not doing that would definitely leave regrets.

Maki: “Either way, there’s nothing for us to lose… We don’t have any hope left.”

We do. We have Kaito. If anyone could muster up optimism at a time like this and manage to find some kind of silver lining, some reason to keep going, it’d be him.

I can understand this not occurring to everyone else, because they’re so broken, but Maki is not in despair like the rest of them. She spent all of yesterday staking out the Exisal hangar and thinking of a way to rescue Kaito. I have to assume that she’s only not mentioning this because she’s hoping the Flashback Light will help everyone feel better first, and if that wasn’t going to work, then she would mention Kaito. Her words here have to be just an attempt to persuade everyone else that there’s no reason not to use the Flashback Light so that they’d do so.

Just… imagine if they did all commit suicide here, and then Kaito somehow managed to escape from the hangar on his own (or Kokichi let him go after realising that his plan was pointless now, good job Kokichi this would be almost entirely your fault), only for Kaito to come here and find all of his friends already dead. God, that would absolutely destroy him. You can’t do that to him, guys. You just can’t.

If the outside world really was as ruined as it looks and they really were the only people left alive, then group suicide would maybe be an understandable response to the apparent truth of their situation… but only if Kaito was there and agreed to it too. Like Kaito said, your life isn’t something you can decide to throw away on your own – it belongs to everyone who cares about you as well, which right now means the six of them. They cannot do this only as a group of five. Maki has to know this. I refuse to take an interpretation in which she is okay with putting Kaito through that pain.

Himiko: “So when you kill me… will it be like I’m falling asleep?”

Himikooooo, don’t be so fixated on that! It probably would be (Maki is, after all, very good at her job), but you’ve got something else you need to do first!

Shuichi: (Maki switched on the Flashback Light. And in that moment… The world— Flipped upside-down— Turned inside-out—)

This time, there’s a stronger description of how it feels than usual (usually he just says the world “warped” and that’s it). Fitting, since this is the biggest rewrite of their minds they’ve had other than the one which made them into who they are in the first place.

Finally there are different words in the background of the Flashback Light cutscene, about things such as Hope’s Peak, and the Tragedy. It would have been nice to have each chapter’s Flashback Light have different words appropriate to its content, but if they only had time to edit the scene once then this makes sense as the one they’d do it for.

Every time I get to this moment in the game where the Danganronpa 1 theme music starts playing, all I can think about is the fact that the anime adaptation’s version of that theme for its opening added some lyrics, the first two lines of which go: “Reality slips far away/Fiction comes alive, we start to play”. Which seems pretty damn appropriate right here. I get the sense that maybe the Danganronpa writers always kind of wanted to write a story like this.

So. All this Hope’s Peak stuff suddenly being part of the backstory when it was never even mentioned before is blatantly ridiculous. It’s pretty difficult to buy that they’d all forget something so major, but even if you accept that that’s possible with a mind-wipe, it still leaves us with the fact that everyone should have grown up in a post-apocalyptic, gradually-rebuilding society. They should at the very least remember that fact, since it would be integral to their backstories and upbringings that they still remember, even if they forget the exact reason for the apocalypse. Not one of them, not once at any point talking about their pasts, has given any kind of indication that they grew up in such a world.

So when I got to this part on my first time around, I raised an eyebrow or two. I basically accepted it anyway, with the thought that while this may be forced and arbitrary, if they really wanted this to suddenly be part of the Hope’s Peak universe as a big plot twist here then maybe there weren’t any better ways to do it, so sure, whatever, let’s go with this I guess. But no, turns out I was completely right to be sceptical and the forced arbitrariness of it is precisely the point.

Suddenly revealing a huge infodump about the backstory like this is honestly a pretty bad way to write a narrative. It can work, but only if all the details revealed really are intrinsically connected to parts of the story that the audience is already invested in, so that they now see those parts of the story in a new light. This is not that. Shuichi says they’re “connected”, but it’s actually a very tenuous connection. There was a whole other massive, interesting conflict that happened in the backstory… that really doesn’t matter at all because none of the characters who are part of this story took part in it, and then meteorites fell and everyone who was involved in that conflict is now dead for unrelated reasons. The only part properly connected to this story is that all of these students here were actually all part of the same school… but they were still in different classes and didn’t know each other, so that still doesn’t mean much. It only nominally matters because apparently this school is a rebuilt version of a school which was at the centre of that big backstory conflict… but, again, that big backstory conflict was something that these characters had no part in, so, so what?

This only works on any level because the audience of this story, both in-universe and out, is expected to be already invested in the events of the Hope’s Peak story and care about them for their own sake. But on the level of how relevant this is to these students here at the Ultimate Academy, this falls flat. Imagine if you played V3 while having not seen any other Danganronpa content at all. You’d be so bewildered, and probably really frustrated about why you were supposed to care about all this. This is making it seem like the Hope’s Peak story is suddenly more important and meant to matter more, even in the context of this story, than this story itself is. The in-universe writers are terrible at this, and the out-universe writers are doing this on purpose.

(If anyone who did play this game without knowing any other Danganronpa canon happens to be reading this, I’d be really, really interested to hear how you reacted to this part.)

I should also point out that, were this actually true, it would be the worst, most unfair way imaginable to treat the Hope’s Peak story. All those efforts the characters went to to finally get some vague semblance of a happy ending and a normal-ish life, and then suddenly rocks fall everybody dies? Everything ends in despair not because of some resurgence of the problems they had in the first place, but just by random chance? That is the most completely unsatisfying ending ever and anyone who cares about any of the surviving Hope’s Peak characters continuing to live on happily should not want this at all. It was a relief when I realised this was all a lie.

Shuichi: (We were all attending the rebuilt Hope’s Peak Academy!)

Confession: I only watched some of the DR3 anime, losing interest halfway through when it clearly wasn’t going to deliver what I’d personally wanted from it. I didn’t see how things ended (and honestly don’t care enough to find out), but I gather that this part where Hope’s Peak was rebuilt is canon to how it ended. Which, to briefly make this a commentary about the Hope’s Peak story instead of about V3… is an extremely stupid decision? That whole messed-up culture – putting a handful of teenagers on a pedestal just because they happen to be talented in one particular area even though they are otherwise still flawed human beings, and in doing so implying that anyone who isn’t talented is worthless – is a big part of why the world ended in the first place. Why would anyone think it was a good idea to do that again?

Shuichi: (We were the students that applied after learning Hope’s Peak was rebuilt. And the new Hope’s Peak was like the last, in that it accepted applications for talented students, and cultivated Ultimate talents…)

I assume that in the anime, it didn’t necessarily make it explicit whether the new Hope’s Peak still scouted people or not. Or it did, but V3 is nice enough to not assume that players have necessarily seen the anime. Because it somewhat sticks out how Shuichi goes out of his way here to say, oh by the way the original Hope’s Peak definitely also accepted applications, so that anyone who’s played DR1 (which is probably expected to be basically everyone playing this) will be able to realise that that’s off.

Shuichi: (Hope’s Peak Academy was a large school, so we were all in separate classes…)

Really? Even accounting for them being spread between all three years, that’s at least six classes per year. Didn’t the original one only have one class of talented students per year? Seems a bit of a sudden increase in size, especially when it’s drawing from a significantly reduced post-apocalyptic population. It would have made more sense (and given a little more narrative meaning to this reveal) to have them remember that some of them were in the same classes and had known each other beforehand. Maybe Tsumugi didn’t do that because fake past interactions and friendships between these characters would take a lot of effort to write, and she was in a hurry.

Shuichi: (But… we just happened to be immune to the virus…)

If they could find sixteen students (well, fourteen and a half, plus a robot) who were immune to the virus within the presumably only a few hundred students at the academy, that’s… actually a pretty high immunity rate. There should be several thousands, maybe even millions, more humans outside the academy who were also immune to the virus. And the Gofer Project just… left them behind because they weren’t talented? Geez.

In fact, that’d be enough humans that, if they all managed to band together and co-operate, which is precisely what humans do in dire times like this, they might have been able to put together some sort of underground shelter and air purifying system to protect themselves from the rest of the meteorites making the world uninhabitable. It’s entirely possible, even if what everyone saw outside were actually the truth, that there still could be some surviving remnants of humanity somewhere on the planet. The in-universe narrative never tries to suggest this, though. It’s not even one of the options for the Flashback Light about “the survivors” that Tsumugi would presumably have made next chapter if things had stayed on script.

Shuichi: (That world… This world… It’s all connected!)

The way they’re talked about here as if they’re separate worlds should also raise eyebrows. That really is how the person who programmed the Flashback Light thinks of them, after all.

Here’s New World Order, that dramatic BGM piece from the Hope’s Peak games. This is actually not the first time it’s heard in V3 – for some reason they also put it in those bits that lead into the class trials starting. Which kind of dampens this moment a little, since it would be very appropriate if this here was the first time we’d heard it all game.

Tsumugi: “Why… How could we forget something so important.”

I don’t know, Tsumugi, how could they have forgotten something which should be so central to their understanding of the world they grew up in?

Maki: “Kokichi Oma… the mastermind behind this killing game… his organization’s real identity… They were the Remnants of Despair.”

Shuichi: “That’s right. The cult organization out to destroy the Gofer Project. If Kokichi is the leader, that means he controls the Remnants of Despair.”

This part is inconveniently vague about whether or not they explicitly remember that Kokichi was a Remnant of Despair. Maki makes it sound more like she remembers that, wheras Shuichi makes it sound like he’s only deducing that based on what Kokichi claimed and the fact that they now know that organisation he talked about must have been the Remnants.

Later lines make it clearer that they are very much supposed to have remembered Kokichi being a Remnant of Despair. This then helps call into question the validity of their memories once it becomes clear Kokichi wasn’t actually the mastermind. But I’ve seen a lot of first time players remain under the impression that the characters didn’t explicitly remember that, meaning that once Kokichi’s lie is uncovered, they no longer think that him being a Remnant is still somehow supposed to be the “truth” and so don’t get that hint towards the truth being a lie.

Time for a brief complete tangent! While Himiko is narrating to us that this killing game is just like the previous ones, we see the shot of the V3 cast’s reactions to the announcement of the killing game at the beginning… except that this is the first time we see this shot without Monokuma and his cubs blocking most of it off. So, I didn’t talk about this way back at the beginning when it happened because you couldn’t see it then, but…

…look at this face Kaito was making. And his body language. In that moment right as everything began, before he had any time to think about putting up a façade and when everyone was focused on Monokuma and not paying attention to him anyway, Kaito looked freaking terrified. That’s always how he’s felt about this beneath the stubborn optimism and the encouraging grins.

Also of note is Maki’s fierceness. Such child caregiver right there.

…And I guess it is also relevant to mention that Kokichi looked pretty nervous and not remotely excited about this either.

Back to the present, Maki wonders why Kokichi gave up on this killing game if he’s such a fan of despair, and the others argue that he was copying Junko and just got bored of his plan like she often did.

Maki: “…”

Shuichi: “…What’s wrong, Maki?”

Maki: “Nothing… I’m just not convinced… It’s probably… fine, though. It’s not a big deal.”

Since Maki isn’t convinced Kokichi will just end things this easily (but she is utterly convinced by now that he’s a dangerous evil mastermind who wants to hurt them), this is most likely the point at which she starts thinking about killing him, so that he won’t be able to continue this and keep hurting anyone. But she tells everyone it’s not a big deal to drop the subject because she knows they would try to talk her out of it.

Shuichi: “…Are you sure?”

Tsumugi: “We finally learned the truth, but we still can’t do anything…”

Shuichi still doesn’t seem convinced… but then Tsumugi is the one to just move the conversation on and ensure he disregards Maki’s suspicious behaviour. That may well be on purpose.

Himiko: “Even if we get out of this academy, the outside world is still destroyed. There’s… no hope left for us.”

I’m glad that at least someone here is somewhat aware of this. This huge backstory dump is basically meaningless because it doesn’t change anything about the reason they’re in despair. Everyone is still dead. The fact that we now know a little bit more about everyone who died and what they all fought for does not change that fact. Nothing about what they just learned implied that there are any other survivors.

Keebo: “No! We just need to become that hope!”

But of course, Keebo’s inner voice must be going nuts right about now with rampant genwunnerism. This Flashback Light is making it out like we’re suddenly supposed to care about the Hope’s Peak story more than this story right here… and apparently, most of the outside world does feel that way.

Keebo: “After all, we’re students of Hope’s Peak Academy, aren’t we!? We’re all that’s left of the 16 who survived the battle between hope and despair! If we give up now, everyone who fought on the side of hope will have fought for nothing!”

They already did fight for nothing. Everyone is dead. The Gofer Project failed. The only way in which these kids can still salvage something good from this is if they somehow manage to restart the spaceship and make it to an inhabitable planet anyway to continue the human race, but that’s not what anyone ever talks about doing and therefore not what Keebo means by “hope” here.

Remember how I mentioned a few times before that Danganronpa usually likes to throw around the words “hope” and “despair” so much that it forgets their real meanings? This is the part in which Danganronpa V3 starts doing that too – but in this case, I at least like to think that, again, this is exactly the point.

Maki: “Fought for… nothing…”

Noooo Keebo you’re making Maki feel like she has to murder Kokichi for the sake of a meaningless buzzword-y “hope”, which is exactly what the real mastermind wants!

Keebo: “Because as long as we’re alive, we still have the power to decide that meaning for ourselves… That’s what I believe hope is!”

Tsumugi: “That’s what hope is… I see… Yeah, you’re right…”

No, it isn’t. Deciding there’s meaning in your life is connected to hope, because you generally need to feel hope to be able to do that, but that’s not what the word means.

Hope simply means the ability to believe that something you want to happen will happen even though it’s uncertain. It’s actually a pretty simple word that does not have all these deep loaded meanings that Danganronpa has insistently given it over the years.

Tsumugi: “If we – the students of Hope’s Peak – give up, the world really will be plunged into despair!”

The world already has been plunged into despair! Everyone is still dead! Hope’s Peak worked as a “symbol of hope” (at least in theory) because all those talented kids inspired the rest of the world to feel like the things they want could happen, too. But the rest of the world is now dead. Dead people cannot hope. These seven surviving students can no longer inspire anyone else to feel anything. There’s no point in a luminary that has nothing to illuminate.

(Consider: the character in this story who is the single best epitome of the word “hope”, both in terms of always having it himself and in terms of being able to inspire others to have it too, is Kaito. And the game never uses the word “hope” to talk about him, not once. It doesn’t need to in order to get across how he is, and if it did, then the meaningless buzzword-y effect that that word has come to have in Danganronpa by now would probably lessen the impact Kaito is meant to have.)

Tsumugi: “In the end, it’s all about willpower! I’m gonna live till the end and never give up!”

Never give up on what? “Hope” requires that there is a specific thing that you are believing will happen despite the odds. What exactly are you hoping for? Nothing! There is nothing to hope for!

Himiko: “But making the impossible possible is what magic is all about!”

Believing you can make the impossible possible is absolutely an expression of hope (again, did I mention, Kaito) – but there still needs to be an actual supposedly-impossible thing you are trying to do! What are you even trying to make possible here?

Shuichi: “…You’re right. Let’s do it. Let’s fight, together! Against despair!”

Let’s do what exactly???

“Despair” also does not have anywhere near as loaded a meaning as they’re giving it. It’s simply another type of thought – the belief that everything will always be terrible and nothing good will ever happen to you. They are clearly no longer thinking that way any more – so, congratulations! You’ve defeated despair already!

And they’ve defeated it by suddenly feeling this inexplicable arbitrary positivity out of nowhere, even though it’s not really hope because they’re not hoping for anything (other than no longer feeling despair any more, which is tautological). Their situation is exactly as dire as it was before they saw the Flashback Light – if anything, it’s slightly worse, because now they know that the things they’ve lost had even more weight to them. Nobody has any meaningful ideas on how to make this situation any better, things that would actually be something to hope for and would combat the reason they’re in despair. This Flashback Light has essentially just brainwashed them into feeling good again, in the most narratively boring way.

Tsumugi could have given them a Flashback Light which would actually organically give them hope – she could have made one about there being survivors, maybe hidden here in the Ark, maybe on another planet, maybe even somewhere on Earth, and that would give them something to work towards, some hope that they can find the survivors and not be alone. Honestly, she should have done that, as that would be a better-written story than this. I assume the reason she didn’t is that she was getting a lot of complaints from the in-universe audience about how boring things had just become, and to make up for it she wanted to do something which would pander to them, whether it was a good story or not. Or she’s just a bad writer and doesn’t even realise this is a terrible story and thought it totally was the best way to bring hope to everyone. That might well be it. She has not shown much of a track record of good writing so far.

See, I think the thing is that the in-universe audience doesn’t even realise that this is a bad story because they’re too busy geeking out over the callbacks to the past seasons. None of the actual blind LPers I’ve watched ever really picked up on this being bad writing either, because they were also generally pretty excited by this. Which is understandable, since they’re fans who loved the previous Danganronpas. It makes them feel happy and filled with the notion of “hope”, so it doesn’t quite cross their minds that it doesn’t make sense for the characters to be feeling the same way.

But to the characters in this story, what they’ve remembered isn't a beloved work of fiction; it’s just history. They shouldn’t be as affected by it as the audience are.

Shuichi: (The hope born in this academy, a tree of life with roots down deep… It was supporting each and every one of us.)

No matter how poetically he’s suddenly talking about hope (almost as if he’s been brainwashed into doing that too), it won’t change the fact that it’s not hope because they’re still not hoping for anything.

Himiko: “Nyeeeh… Motivation is rushing through my entire body.”

Motivation! That might be the right word for what they’re actually feeling. They’ve definitely regained the motivation to do something with themselves, at least, even if they don’t know what that something is because there’s still nothing to hope for.

Keebo: “Kokichi may have left that Flashback Light to make us give up… But if that was his plan, it failed.”

Shuichi: (It’s true… it does seem as though Kokichi’s plan went wrong somewhere.)

Even Shuichi is completely oblivious to the fact that the sudden motivation they’re all feeling has no actual logical basis for it and therefore must be an emotional manipulation caused by the Flashback Light affecting their brains. It should be obvious to them that this was the intent of the person who gave them the Flashback Light, but, nope.

Himiko: “We’ve gotta stop You-Know-Who, the Remnant of Despair, or this despair will never end.”

You’re already not feeling despair any more. You only need to stop him if there’s a chance he’s going to do something to make you feel it again, which he’s at least claiming he’s not doing. Kokichi is merely a person who is supposedly capable of making people feel despair – he is not actual despair itself. Despair cannot be a person. But because they seem to think it can, and because they’ve been brainwashed into this meaningless objective of “defeating” despair when that’s not how despair works, they’re feeling like it is necessary to take down Kokichi.

(And by “they”, I mostly mean Maki, which of course was the other point of this Flashback Light.)

---

[Next post]

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #chapter 5 #daily life #commentary

6 notes · View notes

skylawulf · 5 years ago

Text

The Boy’s Voice of Nature

The young boy was born without a voice. He couldn't speak, he couldn't form sentences. When he tried he sounded like an animal. He was his parents' first child and they had no connection to him. His mother was distant, neglectful, and would abandon him at any time. There were years and years where she would disappear and come back only for a short time. His father was an abusive and angry drunk. His depression consuming him to the point of violence after a hunt went bad with a dire bear. His hunts suffered and so did the family. Mom did her best but just didn't have the mental capacity to handle dad and his bouts of violence. And one day she just disappeared and never came back.

Leaving him to dad, who had no idea how to raise a child (and didn't want to). Before disappearing, she left them a younger sister. She was the pride and joy of their dad and was the only reason dad did anything. She had toys, dresses, food, and attention. She was already set up to be married on her 16th birthday to a gentleman from town. He was a tailor and made fine clothing for people of all classes, the rich making up the difference to offer clothes to those who would have trouble affording a shirt, much less pants too. Her life was set and she was happy with it.

All the boy had was the fields, rivers, and forests. Many times, he was left outdoors to sleep and fend for himself. And this time wasn't much different. He dropped the ashes from the fireplace, covering the whole room in black soot. Angry with him, he was told to sleep and stay outside for a week. Learn to appreciate what they have and be less willing to make messes that will take days for his sister to clean. The thing was way too big and bulky for him to carry it, but he did what he was told. It was a nail sticking out of the doorway that ripped it, spilling the ashes and creating a dust cloud that filled the room.

And now he is stuck outside again and he goes walking into the forest. He has a small place he had created for himself when this happened and it did happen often. Out of a month, he probably only stayed in the house for a week or two at most, and not consecutively. He had found a small cave near a creek and whenever he was there, he learned a bit more to survive on and improved his little home. Maybe he won't go back this time? Wouldn't they be happier without him? As he walked up to his cave, he noticed it wasn't empty. A bear, coyote, raven, and bobcat sat in a small circle inside. Looking like they were having a conversation. Perhaps a meeting of some sort? But these creatures don't tend to get along normally.

The boy creeps up a tree near the cave and quietly sits to watch. Hoping they will leave in time and he'd get his home back. As he was climbing, he swears he could hear voices. Human voices, but there wasn't another around as far as he could see.

"So, the master plan against the humans will be ready soon." says the bobcat

"Yes, we just need the wait for the rest of the animals to gather. Some are coming from pretty far away to help," said the bear

The raven added, "From what I've seen, we are expecting a few packs of wolves, cougars, snakes, and something else that is pretty big but looks like a huge pig with tusks. All of them have answered the call and will be here in a few days."

The coyote circled a spot and laid down yawning, "So... wait for the others and attack. Is that it or do we have an actual plan?"

This is when the branch holding the boy starts to crack. The animals stop and look around for the sound, where it came from, and who is it? Next thing the boy knows the branch completely cracks through and he falls to the ground. Right in front of the cave and the animals. He stops and his growling said 'ow, that hurt..."

They all look at him, wide eyes and not moving. When the bear came to his senses first, he walked up toward the boy and growled, "Damn humans lost one of their pups. Look at him, barely worth a snack for Raven."

The boy fearing, he would be eaten, scrambled to get up and started to run away when the coyote cut him off and laughed.

"Running doesn't seem to work either, a snail could do better."

The boy skidded and tried to run in another direction when the bobcat cut him off, while the rest closed in. "Was he the one that killed our kind? The skins and furs in that cave smell sort of like him. We kill each other for the defense of ourselves, families and food, but never paraded their furs, skins, or skulls around."

The boy unsure what to do and scared for his life, he just gave up and slumped to the ground. No one to judge his speech or lack of speech, he growled an 'I give up, everything sucks at home and the only place I feel myself is in this damn forest. And it will be the end of me..."

He sighed and when nothing happened for what felt an eternity, he looked up and all the animals around him just stared at him. Looking around at every one of them, the raven landed on the bear's shoulder and cawed, "Son of a bitch! The human talks and not like the other dumb humans. And lives out here apparently, like you Bear."

Bear looked back at the cave, the hairless human, and it dawned on him that he wasn't using the furs to show off. But to keep the cold away. And there was no way this pup could have even killed any of them there, so he got them from another human. He was living out here like any of them but didn't seem to have a clue on how to survive.

"Human pup, you can understand us?" asked Bear.

The boy's eyes became wide as he looked up at Bear and the others. Shocked he could understand them, but to know his 'noises' were understood was even more shocking. No one had understood his speech before.

The boy growled back, "Yes? But why? Humans don't understand me and never have. To them, I'm mute, dumb, and not worth anything."

Raven responded, "We don't know why and I've never understood or talked to a human before."

The coyote flopped down on the ground, looking bored, "There were and are native humans here that could talk to us sometimes. Just in a different way. More of thought when talking to them and images. The human Pup talks like us. Sounds like us in growls."

Bobcat finally chimed in, "So, what do we do with him? He's not worth eating but is a human pup. We don't have time to sit here and 'save the pathetic human' when the master plan is only days away."

Suddenly all the animals were quiet, serious, and looking around at each other. Unsure what to say or do. Looking at the boy occasionally, looking unsure.

The boy, feeling pitied again got angry, "I can and have taken care of myself. I don't need you to pity me and... and... I'm tired of everyone treating me like this. Like I can't do anything, just because I can't talk. I'm not very strong or fast, I don't have teeth, claws, or wings, and I am just a kid, but it doesn't mean I can't live the best I can in the one place I feel comfortable and not judged by everyone for being little or mute. If I die tomorrow or in a year, I will still have a better life in this cave."

Bear looked him in the eyes as he spoke and years of wisdom taught him what it feels like to be pitied or judged. While Bear was big, he wasn't as big as the rest. And his fur light grey instead of brown or black like most around there. He was shunned by most bears because of his looks and how he was born. And now he was a leader. Not just a leader of bears but leading the attack on humans. Bringing together many species to work together to take back their lands. Humans were destructive, invasive, and cruel. Sure, nature has its own version of cruelty, but it was in their nature and basis for what they were. There was a balance to allow survival and odds are about the same as any other creature. Age, predator, disease, and weather that can cause a good life cut short or a horrible life last forever. But that was nature in its basis. Humans do things to show off, selfish in things and will kill for them. Destroying the environment for themselves, rather than migrating and spending just enough time in a place to not affect the area, allowing it to be used again in the future.

This boy could be a new kind of human. The kind of human that respects this place, its creatures, and the very basis of nature's chaos and balance. Perhaps our master plan can be modified. Travel as a group, find other humans like him, teach him all we know and what others can teach him. Teach him ways to survive, what he can survive on and with, and how to adapt. Not only do we destroy all the bad, but we also encourage the future of the good.

Bear sat down with a thud in front of the boy and looked him in the eyes. "We do not pity you; we just see you are so thin and, in some ways, fragile. We wish you better for a pup who can talk to us, all of us. Animals aren't all about destroying anything in their territory. If that was the case, you'd never see any of us, ever. We would be spread out and be ugly creatures. Close to most humans."

He paused to see if the boy understood and relaxed a bit. "I have an idea that could benefit all of us. However, I wish to see if everyone else here is in agreement."

He took a deep breath and looked at the other animals, "What would you think if we took the boy with us? As an equal, teach him of nature and its chaos. Teach him how to hunt in whatever way works for him. At the same time, find other humans like him to join us. Creating a new line of humans who respect us and nature. Can speak and communicate like you do or through you. Where we can all live a kind of harmony."

The others looked at each other and you could see them considering the possibility. Giving them time to think Bear continued, "Maybe now will the time for animals to become a kind of karmic god. Keep humans down to small packs, keep them traveling or migrating. At the same time, don't ruthlessly kill them to wipe them out, but to keep numbers down and a level of respect for nature. The balance of good, bad, and chaos must be respected and give an equal ability to live or die, but not by pure cruel and murderous intentions."

He looked at the boy and asked, "Would you want to do that? Would you want to be the human-animal that can bring this world back to its roots and nature? To give all an equal shot at life, but understand that the bad still exists in the world with the weather, famine, diseases, and the environment. However, doesn't have to become a fight for being on top to the point of mass destruction."

Coyote interrupting Bear with another yawn, "Whatever, packs can support each other in numbers, but don't need to be the size of a village and become permanent structures. They should migrate like the rest of us, respect the woods, waters, and air to not damage them for everyone else. If it's bad where you are at, move on. If the weather makes it hard in the mountains, go down to the plains or forests. Live off the land but don't strip it bare of plants, waters, or entire packs of animals. That is how these native people lived."

Raven agreed, "Yes, I think this is a good idea. And maybe get this boy some food and gain some strength to travel. It would be impossible to travel if you got sick and couldn't travel at all. So, let's work on our master plan, teach the boy, and turn this world into a place of harmony with humans as if they are just another kind of animal."

Bobcat stretched, "We have a few days before everyone arrives, let's stay here and listen to the boy's story so far, tell him our own, and bond as a pack of equal creatures, supporting each other through this crusade and creation of a new world. What do you say, boy? Would you join us?

The boy felt overwhelmed, but in a good way. Being wanted, being respected, and fate is left up to nature, rather than 2 people who had him, didn't want him, and went out of their way to be cruel to him and others. He wished them well, but at the same time, agrees with the animals. He wants to create a new world of better people; what better way than to have someone who can understand and speak with animals, but understand humans too?

The animals left him to think. Raven sat on top of a tree and kept an eye out for what was in the area. Bear went over to the river and caught some salmon, bobcat some rabbits, and coyote took care of the firewood. All coming together to support the boy and themselves. The boy started a fire to cook the meats for himself, knowing if it's raw, he could get sick being a human.

The rest of the animals arrived and after all, knew the master plan and destroyed the village the boy was from; a small army of various animals joined the boy and the crusade. Taking out entire populations of humans, the group carried their ideals all across the lands. Small bands of humans formed in human packs and migrated all over the place. Some lingering for an entire year while some moved every few months. They all became prophets, heroes, and mythologies for future generations when lands are being destroyed by overpopulation, selfishness, destruction, and cruelty. When creatures like these animals and a boy come together again. Teach the humility and respect for the lands that support them.

#shortstory #creativewriting

1 note · View note

goddamnitconnor-a · 6 years ago

Text

I don’t know if this post will seem strange coming from me, but I had the sudden urge to make it, so here we are. Putting most of it under the cut just because it got a bit lengthy. Whoops.

I want to be honest. I think this is really mostly just for me and honestly I could be typing this out in google docs and save myself the later embarrassment of being so open and honest because I’m generally not, but I also think that’s one of the things I need to change about myself, so me and embarrassment might become quick friends. Maybe we already are idk.

I struggle with feelings of worthlessness and just not being good enough a lot. It plagues me on a daily basis and it’s usually what leads to my episodes of paralyzing depression, as blissfully few and far between as they are, these days. But every now and then, I’ll be hit with the feeling as if nothing I can ever do will be good enough and nothing I’ll ever be able to give will amount to what I’ve already taken from everyone else around me. Like everyone around me feels sorry for me or thinks I”m something I’m not and if they really knew how utterly useless I really am, they’d leave in a heartbeat.

But I know that’s not true. And I’m sure everyone who’s stuck this post out this long would agree with me unless I’m actually right on point with the self-deprecation, in which case please let me know I’ll never amount to anything so I’ll stop dreaming about it. That was a poor attempt at a joke, I think.

My point is, how many of you cringed or fidgeted or started reading more intently while I was describing those feelings? I know a lot of people have them. And even when those thoughts aren’t intruding severely enough to stop you from being productive, they still hold you back. You still keep away from opportunities that might benefit you and you keep from taking risks and making changes.

That’s okay. I think that’s okay. But I also think that we have potential. All of us. To do a lot more than what we’re doing right now. And I don’t think we have to get up and change the world tomorrow to prove it. I don’t think we even have to do our laundry tomorrow to prove it. But I want each and every one of you who really resonates with what I’m saying to just repeat this.

I’m enough.

Say it out loud, if you’re alone or aren’t worried about being overheard. Say it in your head, if that’s easier. But say it once. Then say it ten goddamn times. Say it it until the words don’t even make sense anymore. Because I’ll be damned if I can sit here and say I’m enough and you can’t do the same. I don’t care what you have or haven’t done in the past, I’m looking towards the future for myself and I want everyone else to do the same for themselves.

This isn’t some new year new me bullshit, either. Frankly, I didn’t even think of this tying in with new year’s resolutions until right now. Fuck that noise.

I want you to feel those words in your heart. I want you to believe them. Because right here, right now, are you not enough? Are you not talking to friends or spending time with an animal or doing something to improve the world around you? Even if it’s little, it’s something. And that something can grow with just a little step each time.

We’re all enough. If we weren’t, everything would be falling apart around us. And even if it feels like it, chances are it isn’t. It might sound like I’m promoting complacency. Be happy with who you are and don’t change for anyone. Well, frankly I think that’s kind of shit logic. Be happy with who you are, sure, but don’t change for anyone? What about yourself? I sure as hell feel as if I owe it to myself to change me for the better.

I owe it to all the people that depend on me, too. Many of you probably don’t know this, but I work as a support staff for severely disabled adults with mental disabilities. The population is primary people with autism but there are others, too. I say all of that to say that I owe it to my guys to make myself happier, so that I can focus more on them while I”m with them. I owe it to my friends, too, to be emotionally available and receptive because, to me, that’s what a friend does. I owe it to my family to show them the same love and dedication that they’ve shown me and lord knows I haven’t done that, yet.

Be happy with who you are, but don’t settle for it. Never settle. Accepting where you are in the world, right now, and what you have to work with, right now, is just the first step. But it’s a big one and, frankly, I think probably the hardest. Because honesty means not making excuses and owning up to our faults and, unfortunately, most of the time I think we turn out to be very much like the people we judge and criticize. And that’s hard. But it’s also a wake-up call. I’ve been here once and I’m here again. I’m not even entirely sure when I lost my way.

And that’s why I wish nothing more than for everyone to start with acceptance. Because I know I haven’t been an ideal person. I won’t even use the word perfect because that’s a given. But ideal. I haven’t lived up to my own image of what I think I can be. And I say ‘oh I’m sure I could so it’s not even worth trying’. That’s laziness. That’s an excuse. That’s a fear of failure. And I’ve avoided that fear for way too long. And I think a lot of people are right there with me.

But it’s okay to fail. I don’t think it’s okay to not try at all.

Not everyone will be at a point where they can really hear this message. I get that. I hope when you are ready to make that change, someone else is there to say something similar. That you are enough. And you will fail plenty along the way because mistakes are how we learn. But you have so much potential and there’s no bigger failure than letting that go to waste.

#i could never pull the trigger // ooc #i have no idea where this really came from #but i'm posting it before i regret it because it's here now #the more you know

4 notes · View notes

asroarke · 7 years ago

Note

Hey Alex. Your fics completely cheer up whenever I'm in a depressive state. I've read them all so many times. They're incredible. Unfortunately, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago I guess hes an ex now and I'm confused and broken and Ive been listening non stop to ed sheeran's song "Happier". I was wondering if you could write post break up bellarke fic based kinda on the song, but with a happy ending from bellamys pov? I need a pick me up and a little bit of hope in my life tbh..

I’m really sorry to hear about your break up! That’s rough. Also, side note, that song made me cry. I had never heard it before. So, the happy ending is kind of ambiguous in this fic, but I fully intended for you to assume that the last conversation goes well and they end up back together. I hope you like it! It ended up being more angsty than I had originally planned. [ao3]

He wasn’t planning on stopping by Octavia’s party, using thefact that he was working late as his excuse. But when Pike announced thatBellamy could clock out early, he knew that he had to at least swing by. IfOctavia found out that his schedule opened up and he didn’t stop by, he’d neverhear the end of it.

It wasn’t like Clarke ever stayed at parties long, anyway.He probably wouldn’t even see her. She likely left an hour ago, since she was probablytoo tired from a shift at the hospital or had one early tomorrow morning. So,he took a few deep breaths before heading over to his sister’s apartment.

The party was still raging on when he walked through the door,and Miller immediately put a beer in his hand. “How have you been?” he asked,and Bellamy just shrugged. Miller looked over at Jackson, and Bellamy didn’tmiss the concerned look they exchanged. Yeah, they were worried about him, buthe was fine.

“There you are!” Octavia shouted before he heard the soundof her loud feet rushing toward him. He turned to be ready for her hug, chucklingquietly at her excitement to see him. “Isn’t this a fun party? You’re so happyyou came, right?” she asked, her words slurring together, and he had to fightnot to roll his eyes. She was drunk.

“Yes,” he replied, patting her on the head as he surveyedthe room. No sign of Clarke, thank God. He wouldn’t know what he would say toher if he saw her again. It was inevitable that he would, so he probably shouldfigure something out. But he needed more time to get over the sting of losingher.

He plastered on a smile as Octavia dragged him through theapartment by his hand and introduced him to all her work friends he hadn’t metyet. She ditched him to go whine to Lincoln about something, and Bellamysettled in next to Murphy as he downed the last of his beer. He looked over hisshoulder into the kitchen, spotting those fake margarita beer drinks that Octaviahad recently gotten upset with and let out a sigh. “The good stuff is out onthe patio,” Murphy explained, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank God,” he muttered before making his way out there.

He probably should have known that there would be one or twopartygoers who would be out there. It’s the only quiet place to be at anOctavia Blake party. Bellamy had ducked out here enough times to know that.

But nothing could have prepared him for finding Clarke andRoan out there together.

He freezes for a moment at the sight of Clarke curledup against him with her legs in his lap. It took him a moment to realize thatshe was asleep, and he probably would have laughed at the fact that ClarkeGriffin fell asleep at yet another party if it weren’t for the fact that shewas literally sleeping on Roan.

He clenched his jaw as he fished out a beer from the cooler.He shouldn’t actually be surprised. He and Clarke broke up. She was going tostart seeing other people. He couldn’t have pushed her away any harder, if hewas being honest with himself. But Bellamy had somehow put the prospect ofClarke moving on out of his thoughts, meaning he was blindsided by this.

“Oh hey, man,” Roan said, tearing his eyes away from hisphone to nod at Bellamy. Bellamy nodded back, grinding his teeth together as hedid. Without a word, he walked back into the apartment and took a seat at theempty kitchen table, one of the few spots in the room that gave him a decentview of what was happening on the patio. Maybe he just wanted to torturehimself, but he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off the two of them as Roan’shand traced up and down Clarke’s back.

“Didn’t you start this whole thing?” Jasper asked as he saton the table, swinging his legs back and forth so that he occasionally hitBellamy.

“Yes,” he huffed, and Clarke started to stir outside. Sherubbed her eyes as she pushed herself up, and Roan put his phone down to saysomething that caused Clarke to erupt into laughter. His chest panged as he sawher bright smile. He couldn’t even remember the last time he saw her smile likethat.

“So, why are you acting like she broke up with you?” Jaspermuttered, and Bellamy took his eyes off Clarke for a moment to glare up at him.

“Jasper, I’m not in the mood,” he snapped. When his eyesreturned to the window, Roan and Clarke had stood up and were facing away fromhim. Both her hands were braced on the railing in front of her, but Roan wasstill rubbing her back.

The fact that it was Roan shouldn’t have surprised Bellamy.He had always had the suspicion that Roan was attracted to Clarke, and it wasn’tlike he could blame Clarke for becoming interested in him once she becamesingle. He was an attractive guy, one that her mother would definitely approveof. He’d probably fit more into Clarke’s world than Bellamy ever did.

Jasper was still mumbling something when Bellamy pushed awayfrom the table. He wasn’t going to sit there all night watching theex-girlfriend he was still in love with flirt with Roan, so he ducked into thekitchen, which was empty. He hopped up onto the counter and let out a breath.

He tried to distract his mind, but the image of themtogether kept popping up in his head again. Bellamy could see them together soclearly, now. Roan didn’t pick fights with Clarke like Bellamy did, no, he wasfar more relaxed and easygoing. He was also not the kind of guy to screw aroundwhen it came to talking about how he felt. Clarke must love that since shedoesn’t have to guess what Bellamy’s thinking anymore or deal with his freakouts when things got a little too serious. She found herself someone who wouldbe upfront with her, and it’s what she deserves.

He pressed his lips together as he heard the patio doorswing open. “Jasper, are you ready for more shots?” he heard Roan tease, andBellamy threw his head back. God, Roan was even more fun around Bellamy’sfriends. “Clarke?”

“Oh, God no,” Clarke giggled, and it was such a sweet, happysound… and why wouldn’t it be? Clarke seemed to be happy, probably happier thanshe had been with Bellamy. There was a quiet mumbling out there as Bellamyheard Jasper skip after Roan. “What?” he heard Clarke say, and he hit his headagainst the cabinet behind him.

He fucked up. God, he fucked up. He was falling too hard andfast for her and got scared. Everything with Clarke felt so natural and normal,and it scared him how easily he could get comfortable with her, especiallygiven how things went with Echo and Gina in the past.

All he could remember was how much he hurt before, and hisstupid, stupid self did what healways did: pushed her away before she could push him away. And now she was gone.He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the way he picked that fight.

He was taking another swig of his drink when Clarke strodeinto the kitchen, freezing as soon as she saw him. Her brows furrowed as shegave him a once over, and his heart pounded as he waited for her to saysomething.

“Octavia said you had to work tonight,” she finally settledon, and he fought not to roll his eyes at the fact that the two of them couldonly seem to make small talk now.

“My shift ended early, so I stopped by,” he shrugged, andshe nodded along. Her brows were still furrowed, and he could tell that she hadsomething to say to him. But of course, his jealousy was still festering underthe surface and he said, “You seemed to have a good nap outside.”

Her eyes widened at him, and he immediately regretted it.She was free to do whatever the hell she wants, after all. He shouldn’t try tomake her feel bad for moving on. But of course, he always said the wrong thingat every given opportunity.

“It was a long day,” she settled on, and he nodded along, keepinghis eyes fixed on the almost empty beer in his hand. “Actually, I was just aboutto leave. I should go find your sister before I go,” she muttered beforeturning to leave, and Bellamy hit his head on the cabinet again, cursinghimself for pushing her away again.

He listened as Clarke gave her goodbyes to their friends. Montysaid something to make her laugh, and he found a smile tugging at his lips whenhe heard that beautiful sound. She talked with Harper, he thinks, for a minute…and the ease with which she speaks to everyone causes his chest to pang. Sheused to be able to talk to him that way.

Maybe he should find a way to be happy for her. After all,she seemed happier now with Roan. And Clarke deserved to be happy. He wantedher to be so happy.

When the front door shut, he let out a breath. He survivedseeing Clarke tonight, barely. The panging in his chest probably wouldn’t goaway any time soon, though he wasn’t sure if it ever left.

He was coming up with excuses to leave the party too whenRoan came into the kitchen. “What’s wrong with you?” Roan snorted.

“Nothing,” Bellamy lied.

“So, it has nothing to do with the fact that you saw me withyour ex?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as he filled a cup with ice.

“Clarke can date whoever she wants,” he replied.

“I’m not dating Clarke,” Roan corrected, and Bellamy hatedhow easy his own face gave his reaction away. Roan smirked at him, pleased thathe had finally broken Bellamy out of his fake indifference. “I don’t make ahabit of dating girls who are still in love with their exes.”

“Clarke isn’t—”

“She is,” he interrupted. “It’s annoying, honestly. Fulloffense intended, you were a dick to her in the end.”

“I know,” he huffed, throwing his head back. He didn’t needthis lecture from Roan when he had been giving it to himself all night. “It’show I know she isn’t still hung up on me.”

“Interesting,” Roan muttered as he walked back toward thedoor, “then, why is she still in the parking lot, crying in her car?” Bellamy’shead snapped up to look at Roan, whose eyebrows were raised at him as he lookedover his shoulder. “Don’t fuck it up this time,” he huffed before walking backout to the party. Bellamy jumped to his feet, abandoning his beer on thecountertop before striding toward the front door. He didn’t bother tellinganyone where he went. Everyone was too drunk to notice he was gone, anyway.

When he got down to the parking lot, he found Clarke’s carin the very back. He jogged toward her car, and as he got closer, he could seeher talking on the phone as she wiped a few tears from her cheek. He felt sickat the realization that he was the reason she was crying. He never wanted tohurt her. After all, he loved her… probably a little too much. He was justscared.

Clarke’s eyes widened when she spotted him, and she said goodbyeto whoever she had been talking to. He stood still as she pushed herself out ofthe car, her brows furrowing in confusion as she looked up at him again. “Whatare you—”

“I miss you,” he interrupted, and her eyes softened. “I’msorry. I know I don’t get to just… Fuck,” he mumbled. He hadn’t thought throughwhat he would say to her at all. He hadn’t been thinking when he rushed downafter her. All he heard was that she was upset because of him, and he couldn’t stayaway.

“I miss you too,” she said before he could stutter anythingelse out. Her blue eyes were staring back at him, still a bit red from crying.All he wanted to do was close the distance between them and pull her to hischest.

“Can we talk?” he asked, and she bit down on her lip. Herchest was rising and falling slowly as she took a few deep breaths.

It felt like hours had passed before she whispered, “Yeah.”

A flicker of hope scorched through him as the two of them satdown on the curb. He was going to tell her everything that he didn’t saybefore. He was going to make it right. And maybe, just maybe, she’d let him tryto make her happy again.

#asks #bellarke fanfiction #prompt fill #alex does prompts sometimes #modern au #exes to lovers #exes #past relationship #break ups #angst #pining #mutual pining #bellamy pov #the 100 fanfiction #asroarke fanfiction

34 notes · View notes

mayitellyoumydreams · 6 years ago

Text

I definitely progress.

Well, life is actually about constantly taking progress. If you are doing things right, you will be always better, you will become slowly the person you always wanted to be. if not, you are becoming better and better in lots of things, cannot avoid it, I’m sure, you just refuse to notice these steps forward because you concentrate on the missteps too much) Yes, it requires time, I guess, sometimes a lot, but you should not be worried. There are always phases when you just stop and look back. Then you see how much you’ve gained so far.

Now, there is this kind of period present in my life again. I made progress. Really happy about it.

First of all, I am on Tumblr, finally. (Love this place, but cannot really use it or idk, spread my blog, so nobody might read this when I post it, but I am just happy to post it for some reason...) Formerly, I was on the standpoint that it is not my platform, this is not where I really want to be but on Instagram or something like that which was really poisoning for me. I always compared myself to the fake people there and wanted to stand out and be the one whose content is great and people are listening to my words etc. I was wrong. I am sure there are a bunch of good guys on Ig, but as I have seen this is rather a business now than a platform where you can be yourself and where you can grow as a person.. And, this kind of constant comparison is not helpful when you are depressed as hell because of the university, lack of ambition, and creativity. When your self-image is in ruins and you cannot even do the things you like, e.g. painting and artistic stuff because you are convinced that you are a trash. I quit Ig.

Months passed by, things that caused stress left my life for good, but that bastard still left its results or effects (idk) behind. However, I stopped caring about these shitty things. I refuse to let stress in my life again. I am not willing to see how crappy things might be. I am only looking at good stuff. At my personal growth.

So, I began journaling and writing. I recognized that my “talent” did not disappear from me, but it was only ME who blocked its way to break through. I stressed the hell out of it. I wanted to write something meaningful, something cool or original, something that reflects my inner world and is good enough to call literature. I stressed about the language as well. Well, I am Hungarian, and I love Hungarian language and writing in Hungarian, but I also wanted to share it, to make my writings “universal”, to be possible to read by anyone who is interested or something like that. But I can express myself in my native tongue the best, but does not want to belong to this small Hungarian group of people, whom I often find disappointing. This country is sometimes just hella stupid. Okay I might have gone too far. So. I am not okay with the “I-am-not-good-enough-to-write-in-English-cause-I-cannot-express-myself-in-English-as-good-as-I-am-able-to-do-in-Hungarian” attitude, I will fuckn learn how to write in English, how to be literary in English. Just needs practice. Secondly, I believe in myself a lot more now. No one has the right to say what is worth to call literature or art and what is not, and I just stop worrying about this. It does not have to be good or artistic. The point is, that I write. Nothing else matters.

Aaaand yaas, art. You know I love painting and drawing but I recently had the same issue with this as I had with writing. From this period on, I am only drawing and painting from my heart, my paintbrush is led by my feelings. And then art completes its most important mission... It eases my soul. I just let the overwhelming feelings run out from the very end of my fingertips to personify themselves on the canvas or paper. I let them live.

And thirdly, what it probably the most important of all, I quit stress in every field of my life as well. During the university semesters I was depressed all the time, I was anxious that I am not going to finish in time, I am not able to meet the requirements, I am not good enough to get my paper in the end. But I am. I can do this without being anxious and depressed. I have time. I can sit and write a (probably too long) post on tumblr. I have time to do my research in field that currently interests me like healing with crystals, witchcraft, lucid dreaming, herbs, characterology, personality types, Buddhism, literature, movies, creative writing, and music. Yes, I am finally listening to music again, I have relearnt to enjoy music and I have found my style. *I am incredibly happy about this* And, I am reading again. Not only two pages because of the pressure on my shoulder that I have to go to class tomorrow, and I will be sleepy if I am not going to bed right now blabla. I really read. I am engaged with the characters, with the world that the book offers me to dive into. Cannot be happier, really.

What is more, I was concerned about food really really badly. I worried that I am not taking in everything what my body needs, the vitamins, minerals, etc. I ended up eating tons of food, salads, protein rich stuff, basically everything what is considered to be healthy, but I actually overate. I ate all the time because I was worried that I am going to be hungry during class, If I am not eating something right now. Hhowever I was not hungry at all and eating all the food made me sick. I was bloated and wanted to throw up. Well, I am over this. I LOVE cooking, and I am talented in it, I think, and realized that it will ruin my body and life if I continue this routine. Now I eat less, and slowly and feel amazing. And I don’t care if I will be hungry for an hour, but I won’t overeat If my body does not need any fuel..

I am listening to my gut. I am paying attention to people and trying to help them, to be their happy ray of sunshine. That is my mission, to let the people in my fairy-world and advise them and see their smile. I am doing this again, and it recharges my whole being every single day.

I began to pay attention to my dreams too. Recently my dreams are very vivid, I remember them very well, and decided that I am going to write a dream journal to recognize the patterns and to be able to decode their meanings. I believe they are metaphorical, and worth to pay attention to and listen to their warnings. I am conscious of my subconscious and I am going to watch the signs.

I summarized this some days ago when I went for a walk into the forest that is nearby our apartement. I smoked a “mind-enlightener” and got a little bit high, and strolled among the bushes and trees, amazed by the infinite number of fall colors.. The sun was going down, so everything was slightly red and orange, and I just broke down my inner walls and became one with all the energies that surrounded me. I listened to my heart beating, to my breath, I payed attention to the air touching my skin, on my steps on the ground, how my muscles tighten and then relax again. I listened to every single noise from the city, to the wind, to the brook as I got closer to its shore. I was really present at the moment. I was wallowing in euphoria.

I still am.

p.s. I am really open to make friends here so feel free to message me if you want :)

#personal #confession #journaling #perosnal shit #emotions #overcoming depression #joy of life #my story #from my heart #happiness #life stuff #overcoming struggle #i dont give a shit #spontaneous #outburst

1 note · View note

parniarazi · 7 years ago

Text

what the universe has taught me about living my best life

I haven’t written on this blog in months, as I’ve been caught up with school, work, and travels. I have been meditating and writing in my journal instead though, a habit I’m proud of and definitely want to continue. I also want to share some things here, especially as I’ll have a bit more free time to write and channel my creativity throughout the summer. I can honestly say, the past year has been the happiest and most amazing year of my life. I turned 20 last October, fearful but excited to end my teen years and embrace adulthood. Moving out of my small hometown, expanding way past my comfort zone, traveling, and falling in love have all changed my life for the better. There’s some points in particular I wanted to draw on, about ways I have cultivated more love and mindfulness everyday, and in return significantly improved the quality of my life. I apologize in advance if some of this is cheesy, just hear it out and give it a chance though!

☽ Appreciate each phase and live in the moment. If there is one thing the moon has taught me, it’s that things change everyday, the phases will continue and she will go through her cycles. She has taught me to be present, rooted in the moment, in where I am and who I am right now. I’ve always been a dreamer, always thinking about what’s next, where I’d rather be, who I’d rather be. I remember in high school, I was honestly pretty miserable most of the time because all I thought about was being somewhere and someone else. In reality though, when I look back on my life in high school, it was actually really great. I have many good memories and stories, I just didn’t appreciate it enough at the time. Instead, I wallowed in my own misery for literally no reason. Each phase will end, whether you want it to or not. Soon, I’ll be done with college and enter a new phase in my life, and I’m glad I’ve grown up to be more appreciative, more present, and more in love with myself and my life now. Appreciate and be present in whatever phase you’re in now, because it will be gone and different tomorrow.

☽ Play. Growing up doesn’t mean losing that childhood innocence, your sense of adventure, or your playfulness. If anything, you’ll need your child-like energy more and more the older you get. For a while, I took adulthood way too seriously. I have the blessing of working with kids, and they remind me everyday to laugh and not take things too seriously. Many of my friends, as well as myself, have experienced crippling anxiety throughout our teenage years, because life is fucking hard and scary. Sometimes you need to walk barefoot in the grass, roll down a hill, blow bubbles, watch cartoons, eat candy, and imagine you’re a mermaid. Getting into the rave scene and culture are one of the main things that have also reminded me of this. It’s amazing to see all kinds of people, grown ups from the real world, gather wearing shiny, silly clothes, and glitter to dance and vibe together. We need things like this to remind us life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time, and to allow us to judge less and love more. Remembering this and embracing that innocent, playful energy will unlock so much creativity, compassion, and imagination you have within you.

☽ Life is full of paradoxes. My favorite one is that life is short, but it’s also so long. You’re here now, and you don’t know if you will be tomorrow, so live a life you’re proud of and leave a mark on the world and the people around you. Be exactly who you want to be remembered as. At the same time, it’s important to remember that there is no rush. You have your whole life ahead of you. You will get to places better than what you even imagined. Take it slow. There’s this cultural attitude of needing to finish school and get a job as soon as possible to be happy and successful. As real as this is, it’s also bullshit because there’s so much more to us than that. Why rush into getting a 9-5 job when you’ll have until you retire to work and make money? You’re told to get AP credits, take more classes, and you’re praised if you graduate early. But for what? Take a gap year if you need it, take less classes if you’re overwhelmed. Take your time because there’s no reason to chase material things and undermine the quality of your learning and the quality of your life. I’ll probably be 25-30 before I finish my degrees, but it’s okay because there are endless opportunities for learning, making money, and growing in a real and authentic way until then.

☽ Move your body everyday. Something as simple as going on a walk in the morning or doing 20 mins of yoga can improve your life and make you feel better. From insomnia, to depression and anxiety, to physical pain/chronic illness, I’ve seen movement and exercise change lives for the better. We all know exercise releases endorphins, which can boost your mood, help reduce physical pain, even boost your memory and focus. Our culture is obsessed with aesthetics, and working out can suck if you don’t feel great about your body. It’s easy to compare yourself to insta fitness models or experienced yogis, but everything is a process, you have to start somewhere and you have to start with a goal of just feeling healthier and happier. For the longest time I just did ab workouts and squats because I wanted a certain body, but I realized eating food I liked, and doing a simple and easy yoga routine some days felt better than forcing myself to workout and eat healthy. Throw away the scale, don’t count calories or protein, don’t look for physical changes. Move your body in a way that feels good, eat whatever you’re craving, take care of yourself from a place of love and authenticity, and you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel on a regular basis. Plus, the gains and strength will come along, too. I’m still working on this as well, but swimming, doing yoga, and going to the gym have helped me feel stronger, sleep better, and have less back pain from my scoliosis.

☽ Go outside. You came from the earth, and to the earth you will return. Feel the sun on your skin, the cool water on your feet, the rocks and sand through your fingers. Connecting with nature, not only by physically being outside more, but also eating more naturally, has beautiful effects that are hard to even describe. The earth has everything we could need as humans, she gives abundantly and has the power to heal us. As humans, we need to spend time with nature, the man-made society and structures we live within can sustain us, but we will never be able to connect, be as conscious, or be whole without returning to our roots. I like to have plants, sage, palo santo, and crystals in my room so I can have more connectivity to earth even when I’m indoors. The relaxing, euphoric effects from spending time outside and in nature cannot be felt or imitated with anything else. It is so grounding and uplifting at the same time, and connecting to the earth is definitely on of the main things that has improved my life. Also travel. See as much of the earth as possible. It will teach you things that nothing else can.

☽ Meditate. Write. Listen to music. Read books. Expand yourself through multiple avenues by trying new things. I never thought I’d be into crystals or meditating or any of this spiritual shit, but instead of judging myself or others, I just decided to give it a few tries. Meditating is amazing because in a world where our brains and eyes are constantly being given information, fed images, and told what to think, it can be so hard to even hear your own thoughts and feelings over all the noise. We also live in a ‘productivity’ culture, so taking a few minutes out of your day to simply sit with yourself and breathe can be so necessary and useful. Meditating reduces my anxiety, makes me a better person to be around, and helps me deal with situations and make decisions from a place of clarity. It also helps me feel closer to myself, so I trust myself and my decisions more and overthink less. Journaling and writing has the same affect. I like to make gratitude lists in my journal, and manifest goals by writing them out after I meditate. This can seem really out there, but meditating and journaling can make some serious shit happen in your life. You’ll be amazed at the calm it brings you and when things you manifest become reality...whoa. Music and reading are also extremely elevating. I could write a whole other post on those two things alone and the incredible benefits they’ve brought into my life. Listen to an artist or genre different from what you usually listen to. Read a book you normally wouldn’t, just for fun. It’s incredible how much these simple acts of stepping outside your norms will allow you to expand and grow.

☽ Cannabis and psychedelics. If you’ve read this far, that’s amazing and why I’ve saved this fun point for last! I started smoking weed in high school, like many people, and I fell in love right away because I felt how it helped me relax, reduce anxiety, and sleep better. But it wasn’t until the past several months that I really began embracing cannabis as my medicine. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve had chronic back pain and anxiety, and nothing has helped me more than cannabis. It has also helped me gain weight (I was underweight for many years), so I am much healthier and happier now. Weed makes me a better person to be around and it has improved the quality of my life so much. Thankfully, it is becoming more and more acceptable in our country/culture, I even had the exciting experience of buying from a dispensary recently. It really bothers me when people think of weed as a ‘dangerous drug,’ because it is the most amazing, healing plant medicine. I’ve also had a few acid trips and tried Molly in the past year, and psychedelics did and still do intimidate me, but they are so powerful. Tripping isn’t going to make you ‘find yourself,’ but it can be a really useful tool in your journey for expanding your consciousness, your creativity, and allowing you to feel more love and openness. Cannabis and psychedelics help me shed my outer layer, one of anxiety, judgement, shyness, and normativities. Instead, allowing my mind to elevate and be open to love, new perspectives, and a deeper connection to the world around me. I truly believe if used properly, these things can have immense benefits and improve lives.

I’m no expert in wellness or healing, I just wanted to throw out some mindsets and activities in particular that have helped improve my life immensely. I’m on my journey, just like everyone else, learning and growing everyday. I am so grateful for the woman I am blossoming into, and I never even imagined being able to feel as much love and joy as I do. I hope you were able to take something away from these points, and if anyone would like more specific suggestions, from books to yoga to music, please let me know!

#personal #wellbeing #wellness #meditation #life hacks #words

5 notes · View notes

38sr · 7 years ago

Text

...

I know that it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted on my blog (and I’ll explain why in another post later today or tomorrow). But right now, I would like to say some things regarding to news of Jonghyun. I woke up this morning to very heartbreaking news and I’m truly sad for what happened.

I’m saying these words not as an EXO-L or kpop fan in general, but as a person who has suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts. I’ve been dealing with depression (and on some levels anxiety) since high school and am still learning how to accept this part of myself and handle my ups and downs.

Mental illnesses are silent beasts. Because there is no physicality to these kind of illnesses, many people don’t see or understand what’s going in our heads. Or, how close we are to the edge. It’s heart wrenching and truly upsetting that Jonghyun had reached that point, but please know that he is in a better place and not hurting anymore.

As fans, the only thing we see is their smile and success, but never what happens behind closed doors. Idols/celebrities are humans too. Humans with emotions that fluctuate from time to time. They are no different than anyone else and experience the same hardships of life. However, they are subjected to criticism and hate for their public image. Words are extremely powerful, especially in an age of social media and technology.

Many people will not understand how hard it is to keep going and perform daily tasks when dealing with a mental illness. Often times, we show others we are okay on the outside, but on the inside it’s a different story. Jonghyun always gave his best to his fans and it’s truly amazing to see how much love and support he gave (for LGTB+, mental illness, and anyone who was just different)...even though he was struggling.

For those who do struggle with mental illnesses, please don’t be afraid to speak and express how you feel. I know it’s hard to speak about it, I know it’s hard to explain it, I know it’s hard to accept it and ask for help... Your emotions are valid, you are human, it’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to cry, you’re not broken, your mental health is important. Silence is strong and hits the heart harder when everything is said and done. Please know that they are people who care for you and want to help (including myself).

And for those who keep asking questions, “why, they had so much of this and that, what went wrong, how could this have happened”, you won’t ever fully understand the reason behind why a choice like this was made. Again, mental illness is not a physical illness, therefore no physical material that can “cure” it. It’s not something curable because it’s something deeper than the surface. There is so much that factors into the issue that you can never place one singular explanation. Instead of trying figure out why, take this chance to learn more about the issue and raise awareness. There are many people like Jonghyun who are suffering and need someone to talk to. People don’t choose to be this way and it’s hard to live everyday knowing that you’re not “normal” and “okay”. Mental illness affects everyday people and the people we see on the media. Whether it be a close friend or an online mutual, please listen and embrace those who struggle with mental illnesses.

I just want to thank all of you guys who have followed me up until now and have given me support despite my emotional episodes in my personal life. I hope you guys understand that your words and kindness are one of the handful of reasons why I still keep going. Why I continue pursuing art and why I continue to try and improve myself. It really does matter, so, I’m eternally thankful.

My condolences to Jonghyun, his family, Shinee and Shawols. I know this hurts the most for you since you’ve seen and known Jonghyun the most. Please know that Jonghyun is in a better place. Please let everyone know that mental illnesses are a real problem and there are many people who are in/was in Jonghyun’s position who are in the dark and suffering. I know it hurts now, so please take this time to let everything out.

Today may have been a sad day, but let’s take a step forward to improve the world for happier days.

#jonghyun #shinee #my condolences #rest in peace jonghyun #mental health #text #personal

60 notes · View notes

healthinputs · 7 years ago

Text

10 Ways To Think Positive Everyday

If you talk about being a positive person. Most of us think of optimism. Have an open attitude. Listen to the opinions of others. Of course, no one can dare say that it is a positive person. But if we come to try to explore themselves from the 10 ways to think that we bring. May we find out that we are a positive person. Just never know.

What is Positive Thinking?

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in the United States, Positive thinking is part of making yourself happy. The positive thinking is not the answer to what is right or wrong. But to think we have to understand what is going. Many people understand that positive thinking requires psychological help. But in fact, we can change ourselves into positive people at any time.

8 Benefits of Positive Thinking

It is well known that positive thinking is making yourself happy. But the truth is also good for your physical and mental well. Especially the following good things will happen to us, of course, when we change people to think positive. 1.We have a normal blood circulation. Positive thinking will make us feel like doing good things, such as eating healthy food, exercise and not stressful, so that our system of blood circulation is normal. Do not risk a disease related to the circulatory system, such as heart disease, stroke. And high blood pressure. 2.We will have better Cholesterol than bad Cholesterol The results of the Harvard Medical School's study in 2013, published in the Journal of the American Journal of Cardiology, suggest that positive thinking improves good body fat. Experiment with a group of middle-aged volunteers between the ages of 40-70 years, about 990 people who performed the daily happiness test. The result was that most volunteers enjoyed their daily lives. When the body is found to have a higher good Cholesterol level than bad fat. The reason is that people who are happy in life often choose to eat more useful than people who have stress. 3.We have a stronger immune system. Positive thinking stimulates the cells in the body to function normally. The nutrient absorption necessary for the body. Including the use of energy to make us stronger. I can see from the cheerful. It is not easy to get sick. 4. We will have a healthy body and mind. Most research revealed that. People who are optimistic are often physically and mentally healthy. Because they have only one trick. Make yourself happy by finding activities that do not leave you empty, such as exercising, planting flowers. Talking to neighbors, exercising, etc., these things drive them to a better quality of life. Because when mental health. The body is not strong. No easy illness And we do not have to take any medicine, 5. We will become less stressful with something simple. People who are optimistic when the problem is often better than the pessimistic. Part of that is that they believe everything will be better. I will pass. They solve the problem more calmly. 6.We become cheerful Optimism transforms our image into a more loving person. One is because we have an open attitude to listen to others. Be cheerful It is a good mood to make people see that we are good to come to know. 7.Able To handle all problems Optimism will make us conscious of solving problems that arise. The results show that optimism makes us in no hurry to judge the story in front. We do not think of highs. And we will have a sense of where the essence of the problem lies. We can easily find a solution to the problem. 8.Travel More Research from the University of London has tested positive thinking in relation to living. It has been tested by more than 243 year old volunteers over the past couple of hundred years. The result appears that. Most volunteers have a lifestyle like travel. They believe that travel makes learning more. Have seen the world in a wider angle. Let's put a lot more. And all this leads to self-transformation as a positive person.

The power of positive thinking relieves illness.

According to a 1990 study, pessimistic people are often physically and mentally ill. The main reason is that the mental health is weak. So who has a chronic illness does not disappear a moment? Let's face it, the common symptoms that often occur in one of the 15 illnesses that come from thinking negative if so, hurry to adjust your attitude quickly. Stiff muscles, tendons, tendons. Muscle pain without cause. Often headache. Chest pain without cause. Sexual impairment. Insomnia and sleep problems. Sleep Apnea. Symptoms of the digestive system are not normal, such as indigestion, flatulence, etc. Simple fatigue Over Emotional Feel depressed, anxious Feel distracted High tempers Feel - I do not want to do anything. Do not want to social I want to be alone quietly Eating habits are not normal like eating less than normal. Or voracious than usual Swear words come out as often hurt others.

10 easy ways to train yourself to be positive

When you know the advantages of positive thinking. Let's see how good it is to start being a positive person. Based on the recommendations of the research, Published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology in 2006, reveals that there are two major types of people in the world: those who think so much about what they do not think. It is a very different character. But when researchers try to analyze the habits of both groups, they discover that they have a similar way of managing negative emotions - finding something that makes them happier. So let's try to learn how to change oneself to positive thinking from these volunteer groups. How can we do it? Do not try to make the world too beautiful. Positive thinking and optimism in this place do not mean that we make a beautiful world. What's up with all roses? But it is an adjustment of our perspective. Anything that is too negative, it will be neutralized. And what is too positive, it adjusts to fit. For example, If we have someone to plead. We do not just look at the optimism that he is a good-hearted to give us some kind of mind, 2. Not judge anything easy just see. A positive start should come from a neutral idea. So what time do you like? I do not think it's bad. I do not know what to do. Do not forget that positive thinking is wrong. 3.Friend Circle It is a good idea to look for a friend who is cheerful and cheerful. To exchange good ideas. If you are with the Serious. Serious life. We can not even think for a moment. The results of the research revealed that. Stress is the emotional contact from one another. We do not always know that our attitude will gradually change. Until the behavior is clear that the habit. So if you want to start a positive thinking. Let's walk in to the friendly people who are optimistic. Because they have a more open-minded view than the Serious. Serious life 4.Keep talking to yourself Positive people always talk to themselves. This means considering yourself as having a negative side. What are the bad days? When he sort out negative thoughts. It will change the view of new ideas. Tell yourself that tomorrow is more optimistic than ever. And practice speaking positive sentences like I can learn. I have to try before, or I think this problem must be solved, etc. 5.Write about the good things that happen each day It's a way to help change into a more optimistic person. Just take 5 minutes before bedtime, review the event that you think is best. Then write a short note, such as today's New Year's drawings of the want to fit in. As a result of research published in the Journal of Research in Personality, says the record is beneficial to our health. Especially recording good experiences because when we write the story on the page. It shows that our brain is remembered, but good things, if you take notes on a daily basis. Our brain will reap the good news to write automatically. 6. Allow Yourself To Laugh Laughing is a good reflection of how happy one is. It also adjusts the negative to better with so if the stressful day. Take 20 minutes to enjoy the little things like comedy movies, comic books. Talk to your close friends, draw pictures, sing, etc. If you make every day this assures that stress does not accumulate in mind, of course. 7.Meditate People who are meditating on a daily basis tend to be more optimistic than people who do not sit at all. One of the benefits of meditation. Because meditation is the practice of mind, let go of thoughts. Brain training not to think We will know that our emotions are happy or suffering. And if we meditate daily, our bodies and minds will not keep bad moods or bad stories to remember. The result is that we are happy and clear enough to try to do it, taking 5-10 minutes a day, it is also good to not meditate, it is a way to do yoga. 8. Be Flexible To change yourself to think positive. One must start from the first to change the idea that everything must be exactly. It is a flexible idea. Because expectations are what may make us sad. Pessimistic So try to train yourself to have some flexible ideas. I do not feel stressed what it is not like. 9. Do not worry about what has not happened Fear is a barrier that does not allow us to be optimistic. The brain is attached to the feeling that "fear that ..." The truth may not be as we think. So change your mind to release more stories, what will happen? 10. Try Smiling For No Reason A smile is a basic thing that makes us feel happy. So there is no smile. Let's have a smile first. Instead of venting out bad words. Just try to smile for no reason and notice the difference in your mood. Let's see how the power of positive thinking can make our physical and mental health always. We can also do every day as a positive day. Just try to open your mind to a wider range of things. Read the full article

#self improvement

1 note · View note

allenmendezsr · 4 years ago

Text

Fitness For You

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/fitness-for-you/

Fitness For You

Buy Now

From: Carolyn Hansen

Dear Health and Wellness Seeker…You woke up this morning and looked in the mirror. And you said in your head to yourself, “Man… what is going on here… I really need to get into shape. I feel so bad all the time, I don’t like the way I look and I really need to make a change!”

But no matter how many times you say it you might be facing these issues:

It’s all right; we’ve all been down that road. This might be the one and only time, fifth, or the twenty seventh time you’ve tried to get healthy and reap the benefits of wellness. But you’re thinking “things didn’t work out last time, or the other time before that, or even the first time…”but it has to be different THIS time,” right?

So you fire up the internet, search “how to get in shape,” and see pages and pages of websites that promise you quick results with hardly any effort. You feel overwhelmed, anxious, and then go back to thinking that you really don’t have to make changes today…after all there is always tomorrow.

If this sounds like you then what you are about to see will make you very happy!

I’m about to show you how to put an END to beating your head against the wall trying to get in shape once and for all. You can enjoy the health and wellness that you deserve that you get as a result. And trust me, I know exactly how… because I was looking for answers myself at points in my life!

It wasn’t that long ago that I was looking for some good solutions that would help people get in shape. I understand how important it is to every aspect of life.

It’s important for people to live a healthy lifestyle and get in the best shape possible. I looked all over the place trying to find some great, easy to follow solutions to getting into shape, that used different techniques and that would keep different people of all ages interested.

And I found that there just wasn’t that much out there. Sure there is P90X and Insanity Workout… but I was looking for great,easy to follow info on different ways to get into shape so that people could choose a plan that would work just for them.

As I looked for this kind of info the light came on… other people are looking for this stuff too and likely can’t find it either. So I saw a huge opportunity for my customers and put together fitness products that will fill the need that is there.

Wouldn’t You Love To Be More Fit?

With everyone wanting to be fit these days and getting into programs like P90X and Insanity Workout, people are looking for information on staying fit.

Why is P90X so popular? It’s quite simple actually. RESULTS! If you do the workouts, you will get results. People are looking for a simple solution that works.

BUT… P90X does NOT suit everyone. Children and older people, people who are already not in such good shape or those who have physical limitations just can’t get many benefits here.

Why is Insanity Workout so popular?

Insanity is still so popular because it works and people want to be in shape! They as well want detailed instructions that are easy to follow so they stick to the plan.

But… Insanity does NOT provide a solution for everyone as the workout can be too overpowering for some.

In the media and in people’s minds, the out of shape person is rarely satisfied with their body or health or has an energetic life. However, in real life, too, these people are less likely to live the life they want, get the better insurance rates, feel great about their body, feel well, or even have a positive mindset. Yep… it’s true!

Yes, getting more fit overall will increase the likelihood of success for people in whatever they do and of course, there are always the health benefits, such as improved strength and increased longevity and wellness.

People are now even understanding that getting in shape can have a significant positive impact on their earning potential.

Benefits Of Getting In Better Shape

Heart Health Cardiovascular activity betters the strength of the heart and boosts the circulatory system. The heart performs better. When people are fit, the heart doesn’t have to work as hard. This can reduce the risk of heart disease and hypertension. This can help you be healthier and live longer.

Body Image When you work out regularly, you burn a substantial number of calories on a steady basis. This helps you reach and sustain a healthy body fat percentage.

If you keep the same body fat levels when you consume and burn the same amount of calories, and you cut down body fat when you burn a bigger number of calories than you eat, then you want a way to burn more calories easily that is interesting to you.

Keeping a healthy balance of body fat can affect every area of your body.

You see, obesity contributes to risk of health problems that can cause you serious issues, including cardiopathy, adult-onset diabetes, hypertension, stroke and cancer. You need a way to have a fit body to lessen the risk of these health conditions.

Bettered Mobility and Stamina Weight training and cardio are serious allies in this area, because they can provide cardiovascular activity and flexibility work which will help your body overall and will increase the power to finish simple daily tasks.

For example, great cardiovascular health will let you walk farther without getting fatigued, and having a balanced and better level of muscular strength and a healthy range of motion will help you to squat down to pick something up with greater ease.

Healthy Mind Everyone wants a way to have a healthier mind. We have all seen information that being in shape betters our mind and mood because of neurotransmitters and endorphins that are discharged as a result of physical activity.

As well, if you feel better about the way you look, you will have an increase in overall self-confidence.

As well, today we have been taught that in addition to the feel-good brain chemicals that are discharged, being physically active and in shape likewise decreases the risk of suffering from depression as it distracts from daily worries and can lead to positive interactions with other people.

The advantages of getting in shape are many more than this; however, it likewise requires the right tools and knowledge and a plan that will work for you. It’s hard to explain just how much better you can feel if you are in fit condition; it can’t be expressed by words.

To appreciate the advantages of being fit, it’s essential to do it for yourself. Regrettably, it is not sufficient to just read about it.

What I have learned over the years is so powerful at transforming the way people feel I decided I needed to put something together that would help others get all these benefits easily.

As I became more physically fit myself in my life, I became happier than ever. I was also healthier than before — rarely ever getting sick and feeling great and my overall health allowed me to be more productive in all other areas of my life.

Introducing Fitness For You

Book 1: Strong Forever Surefire Strength Training Strategies For Health And Wellness

There is no doubt among fitness experts that strength training exercise should be an integral part of any exercise program for multitude of health benefits it provides.The reason is simple: our body mass decreases by 6 -10% with each decade after the age of 30. By age 70, we only have approximately 50% of our body strength left.

Decreases in body strength lead to decreases in function, less energy, less balance, increased accident rate and an increased rate of disease. Increased strength, therefore, decreases chances of illness or accident and increases longevity.

Get all the info you need here.

Book 2: Ripped With Cardio The Revolutionary Fitness Training For Fitter & Stronger Body

Most medical experts will attest to the fact that some cardio training is better than not having any at all. In order to live a fit and healthy lifestyle one of the prerequisites should be to incorporate some cardio training on a regular basis.

It should be noted that there are various types and stages of cardio workouts available for any interested individual. Therefore, some research should be done before the most appropriate regimen is designed and followed effectively.

Get all the info you need here.

Book 3: Never Too Old To Exercise Guiding You Towards Health & Longevity

Aging is a natural process that every human being goes through and it starts from the very day of birth.

However, the actual “aging” is only really visible when the individual is considered to be quite advanced in age.

It should be noted though, that the aging process should not in any way hamper having an exercise regimen and in fact exercising should ideally continue but at a gentler pace and design. Get all the info you need here.

Book 4: Stronger Kids A Holistic Approach To An Active And Healthy Lifestyle For Children

Strong kids do not just get that way overnight. There is a lot of effort and some genes that contribute to the strong and healthy body of a kid.

Introducing exercise regimens that include some cardio workouts and weight lifting is not a negative thing to do, and neither will it hamper the growth of the child in any way.

Get all the info you need here.

Book 5: Yoga Fire Burn Calories With The Best Yoga Techniques Today!

We need to give more importance to our health and the treatment of diseases.

A big number of medicines treat only the symptoms of the disease, and not the base cause. As a matter of fact, the cause of a lot of chronic ailments are still being researched.

It’s here that Yoga therapy comes to our aid. Get all the info you need here.

Book 6: TRX Training Extreme How To Use Suspension Training To Train And Tone Your Body

Nowadays, just about everybody wants to keep fit and healthyand to walk around with an attractive body. All the same, most of individuals do not get sufficient time to join training courses and visit a gymnasium.

To make up for this issue, they may look for workout equipment that can assist them in losing a considerable amount of weight and getting in shape at home.

Get all the info you need here.

Only $17.00!

When you take the step to change your life with getting in shape you will be part of a small group of people who have health, wellness and better lives!

I’m dead serious. You have no idea the kind of crazy, fad stuff that is out there about how to get in shape. No wonder there’s so many people that are confused and disheartened about getting in shape. Once you use these tools, you will have a path to wellbeing and a healthier life.

Life Is Way Too Short To Try And Learn This On Your Own Through Trial And Error. Why Not Learn From My Experience?

Why go through years of trial and error when you can use these tools to better your life and finally get in shape? You’ll then use your newfound knowledge to change the issues you wish to change in a short time. This is exactly the kind of thing I wish I had years ago when I was just getting started! Having a tool like this would have helped me to get information on different ways to get fit! I can only imagine how much more wonderful my fitness efforts could have been using these tools. But that’s OK cause there’s a reason for everything, and I believe that now I need to share this with others. This will be a tool that will better your life and the lives of those you love. And that’s pretty powerful.

And As Well…You Will Get These Bonuses…

Fitness Video Series

People have started to realize that there’s no point being the richest person in the graveyard. What’s having all the wealth in the world when you don’t have the health to enjoy it? So, the Fitness Video series has been specifically created to give you a little extra help getting in shape!

The Deadlift King Of Exercises

The deadlift builds bone strength and is a great ‘anti-aging’ remedy. If you want to retain your mobility and freedom, you should include this exercise in your fitness program.

Regardless of whether your fitness goals are to “rev up” your metabolism, increase strength or recover lost lean body mass, decrease body fat, rehabilitate your back, improve athletic performance, or maintain functional independence as a senior, the deadlift is a marked shortcut to that end.

Only $17.00!

Look… I want you to succeed in you health efforts.

I’d rather you get the information you need to instill in you a sense of urgency about your health.

How much is a healthy body worth?

Is it worth taking a risk?

This is YOUR health we are talking about.

Don’t let anything steer you away from getting this information right now!

So What Is This Going To Cost Me Carolyn?

Truly, the more profound question might be, “what is the cost of NOT learning how to get in shape and have a healthier life with “Fitness For You”. After all, if you had all the tools and the knowledge to change your health and have a better body, wouldn’t that be awesome. And that is why I have put together this material and made it available to those who are looking for answers and are ready to change thier health. And because you are here reading this right this very moment, I believe in my heart, that is you! The time has come for me to put this powerful material into the hands of as many people worldwide as possible – to make people more fit. To honor this, I couldn’t possibly price it out of reach of those who need it most. And this is why I am offering all this valuable information for the affordable price of not even the low price of $97.00, but the amazing price of $17.

That’s Right – Only $17.00!

I could easily charge so much more for this powerful, information that will change your fitness level…

But I want YOU to get started immediately, in the comfort of your own home and I have faith that you will begin to be able to live a healthier life and take steps today to change your fitness level, just as so many others have.

YES – Carolyn, I’m READY to transform my fitness life today!

I understand I’ll be instantly downloading the entire Fitness For You Course, and all of the “Bonuses” you’ve assembled for me for only $97.00, $17.00 today and today only.

On top of that, I understand my investment is backed by your risk free, no questions asked, 100% money back guarantee.

You will get INSTANT ACCESS right now — Even if it’s 3.00 A.M.! *NOTE: These are digital downloads in Adobe PDF and MP3 Format and you will be taken directly to the download page upon successful completion of checkout. Should you experience any problems being returned to the proper page, please simply email: ([email protected])

(Click the Order Button Above to Download.)

Now, Let Me Ask You This… What’s Going to Happen if You Don’t Change Your Life Now?

Consider that for a minute. Where will you be and how will you feel in a few months if you don’t get started with changes today? Do you honestly think things will just magically change for you? I didn’t think so. I’ve been doing for this for long enough to understand a little bit about how we think. I understand you might feel a bit hesitant to order this because you don’t wish to have wasted your time and cash and purchased something that wasn’t what you thought it was. I understand that. We’ve all been there. However I also understand that you need to take a chance and give it a shot, otherwise, you’ll never enjoy the life you know you want.

So rest assured because...

I’m Going To Remove All The Risk For Your Investment Because I Want You To Succeed!

Only $17.00!

So don’t hesitate to begin changing your life now by grabbing your copy.

To Your Health!

Carolyn Hansen

P.S. Your life begins right now. Remember that at any one time, the decisions you make will change the rest of your life forever and you’ll only know for sure once you take a chance.

P.P.S. You are protected by my 100% money back guarantee so don’t worry about the risk. It’s all taken care of.

ClickBank is the retailer of products on this site. CLICKBANK® is a registered trademark of Click Sales, Inc., a Delaware corporation located at 917 S. Lusk Street, Suite 200, Boise Idaho, 83706, USA and used by permission. ClickBank’s role as retailer does not constitute an endorsement, approval or review of these products or any claim, statement or opinion used in promotion of these products.

0 notes

dontlookdown · 7 years ago

Text

Nick’s Favourite Music of 2017

I’ve always been someone that tries to accentuate the positive, so let me get this bold take out of the way:

2017 was bad, and best summed up by the phrase “Further complications”.

...But the music, films, TV and games of the past twelve months have been (on the whole) great, so we just about made it through.

If anything, there might have been too much good stuff. This is the first year in a while where I’ve not only struggled to pick out my favourites from earlier months, but have also had to navigate a massive backlog of acclaimed music that I’d missed. The scheduling of certain releases didn’t help. I have four bands in my life that hold a drop-everything status when they release a new record (LCD, War on Drugs, The National, QOTSA), and they all unleashed new albums within a week of each other. It gets exhausting!

As always, I’ve waited until the year is truly over before finalising my top 20 tracks of the year, because you never know when something extraordinary might suddenly pop out in the middle of December (and it frequently does). I’ll be posting about one song each day. Previous entries can be found easily using the tag “best-of-20xx”, going all the way back to 2010 (I always surprise myself every year by being reminded that this blog is that old).

First, though, some honorable mentions for tracks and albums that didn’t quite make the cut, but still mean a lot to me:

Cloud Nothings – “Modern Act”

ME: Oop! There’s a new Cloud Nothings album. Time to check in and see if Dylan Baldi has come up with a third entry in the ‘Choruses That Nick Relates to Way Too Much’ series, following “I need time to stop moving” and “I’m not you, you’re a part of me”.

DYLAN: “I want a life, that's all I need lately. I am alive but all alone”

ME: *sobbing uncontrollably* …Nice.

Coldplay – “All I Can Think About Is You”

This is a strange one that I rediscovered towards the end of the year, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about. It’s the sound of Coldplay making a conscious effort to return to the quieter, less-poppy style of their early work, but remembering that those records still had a sense of fun that was lacking in Ghost Stories.

Craig Finn – “God in Chicago”

Craig Finn (also of The Hold Steady) has always presented himself as more of a storyteller than a songwriter (although, as the incredible Boys and Girls in America proves, he’s brilliant at both), and his most recent solo album really pushed further into that territory. “God in Chicago” in particular is a stark contrast to the boisterous bar anthems that Craig’s other band is famous for, but still shows him operating at the peak of his powers.

Frank Ocean – “Chanel”

It took some time to adjust to the idea that, since returning after four years of silence, Frank Ocean doesn’t seem to be retreating out of the spotlight again. That’s fine by me. I’d listen to this guy sing the phonebook. Frank seems happy to be publicly experimenting with his sound right now, releasing new songs every few months via his radio show. “Chanel” was the first of these, and was a refreshing, almost stream-of-consciousness change of pace when compared to the precise songwriting that we heard on blonde. It also just happens to be the best song Drake’s never made.

Vince Staples – “BagBak”

Googles: "big fish theory" yeezus “About 18,200 results”

I’ve got nothing to add, really. “BagBak” bangs. I’m happy to hear Vince trying out new shit.

King Krule – The OOZ

I really struggled to formulate any solid thoughts about The OOZ, other than it is very good. What do you even call this type of music? Doom jazz? Extreme chillout? The album is like the sonic equivalent of a heavy night spent consuming every depressant imaginable, or a Morphine record that melted. …And, in writing that, I might have cracked it. It sounds like how we’ve all been writing about 2017 for the last few months! Time will be very kind to it, I suspect.

Mount Eerie – A Crow Looked at Me

Absolutely brilliant and almost impossible to recommend, A Crow Looked at Me is an earnest document of the passing of Phil Elverum’s wife, Geneviève, and an unflinching portrait of how death really affects the people someone’s absence leaves behind. Musically, it’s a stripped-down as a record can possibly be, and requires an empathetic frame of mind from the listener. But it’s incredibly rewarding for those that take the time to engage with it.

Slowdive – Slowdive

Very few things in this world make me happier than bands reuniting after long breaks and releasing an album that stands up with their very best work. I’ll be talking about this in more detail later on in the month, but it’s worth bringing up in relation to the already-legendary shoegaze band Slowdive. Twenty. Two. Years. And it didn’t dull their senses one iota.

Alec Holowka – “Home Again”

Night in the Woods is the game I wish I’d had when I was 18. At its core, it’s a game that stresses the importance of talking to and learning about the people in your life, and considering how we all bump into each other throughout our long-ass lives. In between hanging out with old friends, it perfectly captures that intangible sense of malaise you get when you’re forced to take stock of your life so far and end up wondering just what the fuck you even want to achieve now. This dissonance is present in the game’s soundtrack too, composed by developer Alec Holowka. “Home Again”, as the title suggests, plays while your character is back in her childhood home, returning abruptly from college. It’s got a very warm sound, hazy and swirly in a way that provokes a mental image of familiar dusty furniture being bathed in a sunbeam through your window. And then, after two bars at around :30, a minor chord is introduced, giving the progression a sad, almost disappointed feel. You’re back…but why? Is everything okay? It’s equal parts comforting and concerned, the lone piano shifting into a more confident melody at 1:30 while the moody synths hold back briefly. It’s the sound of a worried parent calmly asking you some tough questions.

Dan Salvato – “I Still Love You”

I’ve previously gone on-the-record about how Doki Doki Literature Club completely wrecked my shit, as have many people who’ve played it, but I think the game deserves some recognition for being as much a loving tribute to dating sim games as it is savage deconstruction. This is something that’s highlighted by the game’s soundtrack (composed by writer/designer/way-too-talented person Dan Salvato), full of bright, breezy pieces that would sound right at home in any number of these games, on-the-nose emotionally and completely earnest in presentation (bum notes and all). And then, as you might be aware, things get weird. But, crucially, the music does not. Rather than composing new pieces to supplement the new tone, we simply hear the old ones again (albeit ever-so-slightly warped in places). This adds to that false sense of security. “Everything’s fine”, the game tells us, lying through its teeth. By the time the façade drops completely, the music is gone, replaced by an atmospheric soundscape. “I Still Love You”, which plays over the climactic scene, is a blend of the two extremes we’ve heard so far: the emptiness of the soundscape morphing itself into an actual melody, accompanied by a lone piano still hitting the perky beats from the earlier tracks. It’s a perfect representation of everything the game does so well when it comes to managing tone and player expectation, and a great and relaxing piece in its own right.

John Williams – “Canto Bight”

In which John Williams finally composes a proper follow-up to “Cantina Band”. I joked last week that you could make a playlist consisting of nothing but this track repeated hundreds of times, and end up with the perfect soundtrack for any party. It’s funny because it’s true. In less than three minutes, Williams segues from traditional film score bombast to an exciting cocktail of Dixieland jazz, Cuban salsa and 12-bar blues. Separated from the scene it soundtracks, it’s a piece that constantly keeps you on your toes, and a perfect example of why the general weirdness of The Last Jedi was one of the most exciting things about it.

That’s it for now. Tomorrow we’ll start with the list proper. Until then!

#music #best of 2017 #Cloud Nothings #coldplay #craig finn #Frank Ocean #vince staples #king krule #mount eerie #slowdive #night in the woods #alec holowka #doki doki literature club #dan salvato #john williams #the last jedi #star wars

2 notes · View notes