advice-go-for-it

[advice-go-for-it]

Hello!

I have a friend that is being abused, emotionally and financially by her parents. She's doing her absolute best to move out, but currently the best she can do requires her to still be home on the weekends to work.

She is an adult in Australia, but she has basically no resources to help her get away. She knows the situation is bad, but almost all her friends (me included) are online and live far away, and we're all also broke and young, so we can't even send her money to financially help.

She just decided to quit one of her three jobs, which is going to make her abusive mother treat her very awfully, but she had to quit for her own physical safety because her boss is a horrible person who was literally working her to death (today was the first time she had a chance to eat in 48 hours, and she hasn't been able to stand after work for weeks on end). Quitting made her boss reveal that they'd edited her timecards so she wasn't getting paid for the truly ridiculous overtime she's been forced to work, and now she has no proof of it. She's been shorted at least $100.

The only bright spot is that she's moving to university in February, but as I previously mentioned, she'll have to return home on the weekends.

Anyway, it's all very bad and I want to help her, but I have no idea how. I've been googling, but it's a tough go and I was hoping you could direct me to some resources.

Thanks.

This is a difficult situation to be in. Unfortunately as I don’t live in Australia I don’t know too much about it. Here’s what I do know, based on what’s available in the US, because it might be available there too.

Student loans or scholarships could be a big help. Applying for financial aid could help a lot to. There will be more resources at her university, so looking through those and speaking with someone who can help her find the best options, could help to.

I’m sorry I can’t recommend anything more specifically, I just don’t have enough knowledge on Australia, other than things that can be googled by anyone.

Bringing up a complaint to corporate and possibly suing could help to, though I don’t know how far she’d get without proof. If she’s tracked her hours or they’re logged in an automatic system, that could be proof someone higher up could look at.

I wish her(and you) good luck, and I hope she’s able to get into a better situation soon. I am truly sorry I could not help you more than this.

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Am I a bad friend for getting mad at my friends? I love my friends I pieces but any time theres any drama what so ever I just get so pissed of for some reason like “why are you dragging me into this” kind of thing. Or they’ll maybe get upset at me for doing something and it just makes me more mad? Like idk why I’m so mad/upset all the time…

I really want to be a good friend but sometimes I feel like I would be so much happier if I just ran away and stopped talking to everyone (which I can’t because I’m still in highschool..) so..

You aren’t a bad friend. It can be very stressful to be dragged into something you aren’t ready for.

A good thing to do here might be to set some boundaries. Tell your friends what you’re willing to help with, and what you aren’t. Tell them when you’d rather not be involved, and ask them to respect that boundary.

If they get upset at you for doing things, clarify. Why are they upset? What can they expect from you in a situation? It’s not fair for them to expect you to read their minds.

Try your best to communicate, ask what specifically they want from you, and set boundaries. If nothing seems to work, consider that they might not be healthy friends to have.

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The important thing is that you try. Even if you only make a little progress, even if you make no progress at all. You tried, and that matters.

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The fact that this creature exists brings me great joy. I hope it brings you some joy to.

This is the dumbo octopus, and it is fantastic.

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Sometimes it is hard to be alive. When that happens I am always glad to be reminded of how remarkable the world is.

Sometimes I go onto google maps and zoom in and out and just look. Look at what humanity has done. All over the world we built lil houses and lil businesses and we live in them. Every day we go in them and do things. Millions, Billions of houses all around the world, all cause a couple humans worked really hard to make them.

It’s amazing. And it helps a lot.

Every person makes a difference.

Every person is important.

You matter.

💚

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Giving up is letting the world win.

Don’t give up.

💚

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Did you know that sugar gliders love to cuddle when it’s cold? I think I will to, this holiday season.

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hey don, i wanna go back to school but im stuck between two majors. what should i do to figure out which one i truly want to do?

A good way I’ve found is seeing if your potential career paths will let you shadow them. Contacting businesses or other places to see what it’s like can help a lot!

Volunteering can help to, and really show you if you’d like to consider studying it more.

And of course doing solo studying into your options can help. Pretending you’ve gone with the major for a week and assigning yourself homework can show you if it’s something you’d enjoy.

In the end I hope that whatever you choose brings you great happiness and success.

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I’m currently stuck in a stagnant place. I’ve tried getting out, going everywhere to get help. I don’t know how to slow down and not panic that I won’t get anywhere in life.

I’m sad too. A person who is abusive lives with me and he has not been kicked out. I’m trying to give myself a safe space and make myself look at positives. But it’s really hard.

How do you help yourself and give peace when everything around you is chaos?

Slowing down is a lot more difficult than it seems. Something that could really help keep you steady is a schedule. Writing a list and checking off boxes can keep you focused on one task at a time, which can help you panic less. Giving yourself little rewards can help to. You do deserve those things. Little snacks or a book or game can help a lot.

Expressing yourself through art or another creative medium can help you, along with distracting you from your sadness.

If it’s an option try the police for any abuse, and if you’re a minor maybe try a trusted adult. I’d recommend moving out to, but I understand how that can be very expensive and difficult.

If these aren’t options, try and find a safe space outside of your home. The local library is always a good bet, and so are any nearby cafes. Nature can help to, long walks or a special spot that’s not easy to see can help you get away.

I’m truly sorry you’re being hurt, and I hope you’re able to get somewhere your abuser can’t follow. Or if you’re an adult, buying a door knob with a lock for your room, or safe for the things you don’t want ruined, could help.

Please always prioritize your own safety. If you’re being hurt, that’s not legal no matter who this person is to you.

Not all abuse is physical though. Try and remember that their cruelty is wrong. You are valued and you deserve better. Their words may hurt, and I am sorry if you are hurt using words.

I hope you can get somewhere you’ll truly be safe in the future.

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My favorite part of spooky season is the trick-or-treaters, and we do something special in my family that I thought would spread some holiday joy:

1) Every year, we decorate our house with massive pipe cleaner spiders and a yarn spiderweb. Every year.

2) My dad and I usually have trick or treat duty, and we have to make a game of how many layers we can fit under our costumes so we don't freeze to death.

3) We don't do candy; we do a cider/cocoa bar where we make a bunch of hot water and then have apple cider packets and hot cocoa packets with all kinds of toppings. It means the kids and their parents have to stay a little longer and we have time to compliment their costumes. This has the bonus of not making the trick-or-treaters knock, which freaks out our dog.

4) We usually bring the portable dvd player out and watch Hocus Pocus, a random Scooby-Doo movie, and the Charlie Brown Halloween special. Fun thing to do during slow periods.

5) We always have a bin of fun little party favor toys for kids with allergies or who don't like our offerings.

It just brings me a lot of joy and I thought I'd share.

This seems like an absolutely lovely way to spend Halloween! The hot drink station is an especially creative and wonderful touch. These are amazing ideas, and I very much appreciate you sharing!

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You’re worth more than you think. Please remember that you’re biased against yourself. You’re an inaccurate narrator.

Be kinder to yourself than you have been, because your brain is biased against you. You deserve more than you give yourself.

💚

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People often point out silly little things that others do. I recommend incorporating as many silly little things into your routine as possible.

It’s good for you.

💚

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Sometimes it’s hard to motivate myself to do self care.

If I pretend to be a rare and priceless specimen being studied by aliens, it gets easier.

The alien has recommended vitamin d and it’s gonna make alien noises at me until I get some. I must because otherwise the alien will be worried and sad. Gotta make a good impression, I’m representing all of humanity here!

It’s very motivating, and I recommend it.

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Sometimes it is okay to take a nap.

It is okay to rest.

💚

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At times, my body doesn’t seem to match me and that can be hard. What I’ve done is picked a single thing out that I like, and stuck with it.

No matter how I’m feeling about my body, at least I still like that bit. One of my favorite bits right now is my tailbone.

It doesn’t affect my appearance much, and it helps me move and sit. Thank you tailbone, for being a piece of my body I don’t have to hate.

Regardless of how you feel about your body, I recommend trying this. Sometimes things can feel a little bit better knowing that everyone has the same bones.

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I highly encourage googling rain frogs, and checking out the images. Also look up rain frog squeaks on youtube, to truly witness the fierce and majestic rain frog!

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life update from the dysphoric guy from ages ago

after 7 months of bullshit, today was my first day openly wearing the masculine uniform!! it was rlly good!! so yeah it took forever but im here now.

my mother doesnt love it, shes kinda avoiding me, but yk- it is what it is-

Congratulations! I know how scary it can be to take that step(as an openly trans person, I get it.) and you’ve done amazing!

I hope that you have a wonderfully validating experience from here on out.

It’s a very lovely experience to wear clothes that match who you are, I’m glad you get that chance.

I’m sorry your mother isn’t happy about it. It’s always tough to not be accepted. I hope you’re able to get to a point with her, where she accepts it because it makes you happy, even if she doesn’t understand it.