#killing myself brb I’ll be back soon

[beastwars-transformers]

I used to really scoff at the idea of periods making women “soooo irrational and emotional” but I do legitimately want to claw at the walls and burn everything down

[hatsukeii]

One where y/n has been obviously in love with Tsuki since they were kids and not afraid to show it, but he’s always been lowkey mean to her and thinks she’s annoying and then finally years later she decides he’s not a nice guy and let’s him know she’s fine with all that crap and then he realizes he’s falling for her and does something really sweet for her and they fall in love? 😭😭🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ty in advance. Sorry if this is too long or specific, if it is, feel free to ignore

I genuinely hope you didn’t think I would actually ignore this<33

IM SORRY IM A MASTER PROCRASTINATOR ILY ALL AND YOU ALL DESERVE AN APOLOGY FROM ME

Dear diary//Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k+

Warnings: Cursing

Genre: Angst??? I guess???

Summary: He’s an ass, but you still love him to bits, and it’s killing you.

July 16, 2008

Dear Diary,

I got to play with Tsukki again! He had his dino with him, it was super cute! He told me his front teeth came off last night, and there’s a big hole in his teeth, but it’s okay, because he said it will grow back. I tried to hold his hand while going down the twin slides but he said it was sweaty, so next time I’ll wear gloves!

You flip through the hot pink diary, cringing at your young infatuation. Your diary entries were cringey as fuck, but they always rekindle something within you whenever you read them. You can’t even remember when you stopped writing in the book. Was it when you turned 10? Maybe 12? You don’t have a single clue.

April 30, 2011

Dear Diary,

Tsukki refused to marry me in the playground at break:(( I’ve known him for so long though, aren’t we supposed to get married? I just wanna hold his hand and hug him and give him a biiiiig kiss<33

Chuckling at the memory, you recalled the event from that entry clearly. You were seven years old only, still an immature kid. You still thought that getting married in a middle school playground was a huge milestone in life, almost as crucial as a legal marriage.

May 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

Love how Tsukki didn’t even remember my birthday:,) Must be nice getting made fun of. Half the students in my class felt my second hand embarrassment from when he completely forgot about it. God, why am I even in love with this asshole? I’m gonna have to go to school tomorrow and deal with all my classmates making fun of me for being hopeless. Brb, currently digging a hole for myself:)

Frowning at the memory, you think back to when you were twelve. He was an asshole then, still is an asshole to this day. And yet not an ounce of your unconditional love and support for him has faded. Grabbing a tissue, you wipe the remaining tears from your eyes, ignoring the dried tear stains on your cheek. Your hand slams onto the bedside table, lazily feeling for your phone. Tilting it towards your face, you sigh at the empty lock screen, accepting defeat. Flicking through the rest of the book, you are welcomed by pages and pages of white. “So that’s when I gave up on this diary...” you mutter to yourself as you lift yourself up from your bed. Heading towards your desk, you absentmindedly grab yourself a pen, notebook in hand. Slamming the diary down, you open it up to the next entry page after your last one, gently placing the tip of your pen on the first line. You grab your hair out of frustration, the ink bleeding into the thin paper. “What to do, what to do...?” You mumble, starting to form sentences in your notebook.

July 17, 2020

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Holy shit, all my entries were about Tsukki weren’t they? Jesus, of course they were. At least I was able to get it off my chest this afternoon. Telling him that I’ve been in love with him for years, that was fucking terrifying. Telling him that although I know he’s an ass, an animatronic dick complete with ballsack, that won’t stop me from falling harder, it was gut wrenching, but also relieving to a certain degree. I’m still waiting for some form of response, although I’m not sure I’m gonna get one anytime soon. I can’t decide whether telling him was the dumbest or bravest decision I’ve made. Maybe it was both. Just wait until I look back on this entry like a decade later and still cry about it lmao. Tbh he’s a genuinely nice person at heart. I know that all too well. He may be an ass most the time, and he may think I’m annoying, but despite how hard he tries to push me away, I’ll never abandon him. Jesus Christ, I sound like a yandere here, but it’s not that. It’s that I care for him a lot. Maybe even a bit too much. It’s ridiculous how absolute and utter shit a crush can make you feel.

Throwing the pen down, you flop back onto your bed, huffing into the thick blankets. You stay silent, not sure of what to think of the situation. “I’ll just deal with it all tomorrow, I’m tired of this shit.”

On the other side of the incident, Tsukishima is currently going through a mental crisis.

The blond sits at his desk, eyes unwavering, but focusing on nothing. It feels as if he hasn’t blinked in what seemed to be hours. Just hours of staring at his wall that led to nothing. Your confession plays in his head nonstop, like a broken record that refused to run out of battery.

“The thing is I like you. I’m pretty sure I always have. And I know that you’re such an asshole and all that, you won’t treat me as well as people would expect, but it’s fine. I’m fine with all that. All the dumb, stupid, careless insults you’ll throw at me, the side eyes and sneers, telling me to shut up and go away, I’m fine with it. I know you’re a good person, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Well shit what the fuck do you want me to say?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

Maybe he should have let you down slowly.

But as he stares at his wall, the photos of the two of you framed and balanced on his floating shelves, he starts to reconsider his feelings.

The way your expression faltered then as you hastily took your bag and rushed away without a single word, the way you avoided him in the halls, the way you stopped talking to him throughout the day, it drove him crazy. He couldn’t handle the realisation that he hurt you so incredibly badly, so now all he can do is stare at his empty, blank wall. Did he know why he felt that way? No. He didn’t and still doesn’t. He’s Tsukishima fucking Kei, the emotionless, provoking, unlikeable king, yet a mere girl is somehow able to mess with his mind so badly, that all he can do is wallow in regret and confusion? What is this weird feeling? His throat itches, his heart is beating like crazy, sweat starting to gather around his temples. He clamps his two hands together, slamming his forehead onto them and squeezing his eyes shut.

How could I have been so dense?

How was he unable to see that you were absolutely in love with him? Even with the bento boxes, birthday gifts, constant compliments, he still only ever thought you liked him as a friend. However he never did. He likes you more than that. Way more. Yes, he thought, and still thinks you can be annoying at times, especially when you nag at him about not eating enough or being rude, but it was undeniable that there was something else he felt. But his stupid ass shitty ego would never let him admit it. And now that you finally confessed, he freaked out and fucked up. Even then, he didn’t think it would affect him to this extent.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you (Y/N).”

He says that over and over again, desperate to cloud out the disagreeing thoughts in his head that scream otherwise.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

The guilt didn’t go away.

In fact, now that he’s said all that, he feels even worse. Oh how much he wants to find you right this second, wrap you in his arms, tell you how incredibly sorry he is, but he can’t. He doesn’t deserve to do that. His heart is begging for him to just get out of the house and run to yours as fast as he could, but his body won’t move. He wants to cry. Scream. Shout. Throw something. Shatter something. But most of all, he wants to get another chance.

Picking up his phone, he hesitates, before typing in your contact, the cleared out, empty chatroom showing up on his screen. Going as fast as his fingers could, he typed out the one sentence he’s been dying to let out.

“It was a middle school crush, but I’m still into you. I always have been.”

Is it just me, or is this bad-

Idk man it seems like all my fics are pretty much the same and I hate it😌

Tags:

@sunshines-and-tatertots @izzyphantomgamer @justachillgirl @trashcanweeb @just-another-bored-writer @poppirocks @majorfangirl37 @kaylacinderella @random-fandomlover @tiger1719 @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu @skyeackermans @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @shoutsukii @agentvicinity @sakusasgarbage @kuroo-thought-of-a-better-un @sneezefiction @bokutokoutarou @thirstyvolleyballhoe @iwaixiumi @iwaigroomi @inlwlevi

Feel free to comment or pm to be added to taglist!

I’m back to writing lmao I’m bored in two week quarantine rn

Edit: cue me realising I was half asleep and missed something in the request don’t be surprised if I repost this💀💀💀💀

Btw the hq manga just ended time to cry

💕💕💕💕

[beclynn-herondale]

Inside TMI Gang's diaries part 3 - 2/2 for CoG

Clary: Dear diary, so what can I say a lot has happened, me and Sebastian went to find Ragnor and instead found. Magnus, he pretended to be Ragnor. And Sebastian kissed me and it felt wrong, but also he took me to the place where the Fairchild manor use to be, he took me to a burned down manor, and everything felt wrong. Anyway me and Jace also made the Wayland Manor collapse and figured out my father was torturing am angel. Jace is also mad at me so yay.

*Later*

So um... Where do I begin, a lot has happened Idris was attacked, Max... Is dead and the Lightwoods are in pieces, Jace wrote me a love letter and ran off to go after Valentine and get himself killed most likely, Izzy I think probably still doesn't like me, my mom's back but I am mad at her, and she informed me that Jace isn't my brother and now all I can think about is how I want to tell him. Now we are preparing for the next battle so gotta make a rune brb.

*Later, later*

So my father was trying to raise the angel to destroy all the Downworlders, right, so um he killed Jace and I kinda replaced his name in the sand with mine and I used the wish to bring Jace back but like what will people think, oh well, I'd do again if it meant to have him back, safe and alive, to get to love him and make him happy, though idk does he still want me? either way I'd do it again. Also I can't wait to get back to new york and get some COFFEE!, but also please don't let Jace not love me anymore.

Jace: Dear diary, you'll find me in a bad spot at this moment, things have fallen apart, Hodge is dead but I don't feel much for him, Max was killed and I can't help but blame myself, after all it is my fault. The manor where I grew up collapsed and while I knew it was my childhood home, it also felt freeing watching it all fall apart, like watching the bad memories in that place being crushed, like seeing that you can heal. But as I am watching Clary sleep, I know I won't get the chance to ever heal myself, I love her but will never have a future with her, and I have to go after my father and stop him, I know where my journey ends and I always knew it would never be a happy ending for me. So I'll write her a letter and leave with her, I'll tell her all my feelings and let her know what she means to me. I know Izzy and Alec will understand in time. And I probably won't be coming back.

*Later*

So I died but was brought back, I also fought Clary's creepy brother and my father is dead, I feel empty in so many ways, apparently my actual parents were Stephen and Céline Herondale, which would mean Imogen was my grandmother, I don't know what people want me to say or do, I don't even know who I am anymore. Amatis gave me a box with stuff that belonged to my father in it, but I don't know this man, and I know nothing about my mother, I am sitting here looking through it but what am I supposed to feel? I am sitting here thinking about how Clary asked for me of all the things she could have had but maybe she didn't actually want me now, maybe she felt she owed me and that was it, I wouldn't blame her, but I love her, I love her more than anything, I want to see her so bad, she always knows what to say to me and how to comfort me, I miss her. We are also going back to new york soon and thankfully the news that I am apparently a Herondale hasn't gotten to far out yet and hopefully I'll be gone before it does, I don't want to see the stares or hear the whispers. And I'll be back to my room and my blades.

Alec: Dear diary, I write to you today with mixed feelings, of loss and gain, Max is gone and it's all my fault, I spent so much time trying to protect Jace and Izzy that I forgot Max needed protecting too, me and Magnus are a thing now I think, but I can't help but feel guilty because I shouldn't have something so great when I failed to protect my baby brother. Mom and Dad probably will hate me now and Izzy is too shocked and upset for anything honestly, she blames herself but it really isn't her fault. Jace ran off and if I lose him too I don't know if I'll be able to go on like I use to.

*Later*

Somehow our gang is still alive, i have no idea why or how but we are, the pain and hurt and grief is still strong but we will have to carry on. Jace is a Herondale and honestly I don't know how to feel, but he must be so conflicted, I am giving him space cause I know that's what he needs right now. Izzy is hanging with Simon who got her to get out of her room and maybe there will be some friendship between them, me and Magnus are apparently going on a trip and it is what I need, I can't be around at the moment with everybody staring and grieving. And I think everyone needs some space right now, hopefully we'll all be able to get through it, hopefully me and Magnus will be together.

Magnus: Dear diary, there is much to say but no time for it, the Shadowhunters are at war, not surprised, Alec asked me why I never called him back in the middle of a fight, honestly this man, but also he kissed me in front of people in the accords hall which is all I needed him to do to tell me he is serious, although he has also lost so much and I can only hope for the strength he'll need to get through it, we are going to war but Biscuit has made a rune to unite Shadowhunters and Downworlders, honestly this girl is gonna surprise the Clave in many ways and cause so much chaos, I can't wait to see it.

*Later*

We are all pretty much are alive, many were lost but we won the war, if you can call it a win. Me and Alec will be going on a trip, I hope maybe it will help him cope a little, Shadowhunters aren't known for grieving too long, but I think it would do good for them to grieve longer for their lost. Jace is a Herondale and now everything makes much more sense as to why he is the way he is, he has a journey ahead of him though and I can only imagine what he must be feeling, Isabelle I have much respect for and I hope she'll find the comfort she needs in the ones who care for her, Simon Lewis is a brave boy and deserves more credit than people give him, Biscuit is the bravest and I wish her well on her journey to becoming a Shadowhunter, although I don't think Jocelyn will be pleased. I am heading back to new york after the party tonight to deliver the news of Ragnor's death to Catarina and Raphael, and to catch up on some stuff before me and Alec leave, I still wonder if it is all over though.

Izzy: Dear diary, I don't know what to say, so much is lost and I don't know what to do, it's the first time in my life I have felt this lost, it's all my fault that Max is dead, I should have protected him, I never should have trusted that piece of trash Sebastian, if I could kill him I would and if I get the chance I will, Hodge is dead as well but honestly don't care. Simon came to see me and comforted me, he is the only one who didn't say that I need to be strong or that it will get better, he just held me and said it's gonna hurt for a while but your aren't alone, and that's all I needed. And Jace ran off, I wasn't gonna follow him cause I respected his decision but I can't let him die thinking there's something wrong with him or that Clary is his sister, he deserves to know.

*Later*

Sebastian is dead and I am happy about that, many were lost but not my loved ones, I thank the angel for that, Jace is a Herondale and I don't know what he'll do but I won't let people take him, he's my brother, him and Clary can finally be together and I wish them happiness, if the two idiots would realize that they still want each other lol sometimes I wonder about my brothers, Alec is with Magnus now and all I can say is finally. I'll see where things with Simon goes and I actually kinda hope it goes somewhere, but I'll never say that out loud. I still blame myself for Max but I got to keep going, I know he'd want me to.

Simon: Dear diary, my prison friend turned out to be Hodge and he is dead now, idk how to feel, I almost burned tho, at least I was saved, that Sebastian killed Max and I feel terrible for the Lightwoods, Izzy is a wreck and I comforted her after everything, Clary and Jace aren't siblings and I am happy to hear that, it means they won't be suffering anymore and the angst will stop but Jace ran off and he may not come back so maybe it will be worse, Jocelyn is awake and idk what will happen when we get back but I don't think Clary plans to stop being a Shadowhunter, also speaking of my badass best friend, she made an alliance rune, and put the mark of cain on me she feels terrible about that last one but I asked her for a reason, it will all be okay.

*Later*

Everything is okay, thank God, mostly everyone is alive and we can go back to somewhat normal life, tho I don't know how they expect the Lightwoods to, Jace is a Herondale and I guess that's basically a kinda Royal Shadowhunter family? Idk, Clary and Jace appear to be okay, they walked up to us holding hands and it seems they worked things out, I am happy for them. Things with Izzy may be going somewhere but also things with Maia are going somewhere, idk what to do but it may end terribly, Magnus and Alec are a thing now and that's good, I just want to get back to new york and out of here.

Sebastian: Dear diary, these dumbasses have no idea who I really am, father said they wouldn't but I thought maybe they were smarter, especially Jace, you were raised by father as well you pathetic boy, but I guess you fell in love which is exactly what father told you not to do, although he is punishing you for it and trying to get back control over by making you believe Clary is your sister and making you think you are a monster, I am enjoying the show, honestly maybe you'll end yourself that would be fun to watch, although I'd like to kill you myself, after all you were always father's favorite and I would love to see father's face when I kill you, I hope you know I will kill you if I can.

*later*

Well apparently I am dead.

Church: Dear Cat diary, the idiots all lived except the kid, I feel bad he had so much more life to live, the Herondale figured out he was a Herondale congratulations Dum dum, maybe his tragic love will end now that he knows, also Jem seriously I miss you and still want you to save me. Magnus and Alec are together now and it's about damn fucking time, Isabelle is gonna be Isabelle, I feel that Simon kid will be around more now, Clary will probably be a Shadowhunter now, so much fucking happened and honestly the Shadowhunters need to get their shit together. Valentine may be dead but the stuff he caused isn't, there is much to be rebuilt, I just hope the drama is over, I am getting to old for this shit. Jem again I miss you and you are the only other intelligent one, end my suffering please!, Also I want some tuna, I'm gonna go find that Herondale to get me some.

(again not my best but the others will be better, I can't wait to continue, hopefully you enjoy these)

[astheskycries]

Rejected- Chapter One

(gif by @capsgrantrogers​)

Four weeks have passed since Jonathan escaped, and Maggie is determined not to let him hurt her or the Avengers again. Deciding that the best way to keep everyone safe is to become one of them, she begins training under Steve’s care, but his ever-growing protectiveness and HYDRA’s repeated attempts to capture her create a rift between them, and neither know if it can be mended.

“Natasha, if I see you get up one more time before I’m finished, I am locking you in your room,” Steve warns, keeping his focus on the punching bag in front of him.

Natasha ignores him, grabbing a bottle of water before settling down beside me again. “I’m able to move around, Steve. I’m actually well enough to do more missions.”

“Until they know for sure your ribs are fine, you’re staying here,” He steps back, looking at her sternly. “Do I make myself clear?”

She sighs wearily. “Whatever you say, Cap,”

I cough, trying to mask a small laugh, and Steve offers a beautiful smile and a wink before moving towards his bag, starting to unwrap his hands.

It’s been four weeks since the Siberia incident. Four weeks since Jonathan managed to escape. I know we were lucky; if he had gotten Steve’s blood, HYDRA would have a way to recreate the serum. We were lucky Natasha stayed alive after losing most of her blood, breaking her ribs, and being beaten half to death by Jonathan’s guards.

A hand appears in front of me, and I blink out of my thoughts, looking up at Steve’s concerned face. “What’s wrong?” He asks quietly, pulling me to his chest and brushing one of my fiery curls behind my ear.

I shake my head, offering a small smile, but I know he isn’t convinced. “I’m just thinking,” I say quietly, glancing over to see Natasha stepping into the elevator.

Steve’s brow furrows as he frowns. “About?”

I release a breath. “Jonathan,”

He forces a small smile. “Should I be worried?”

I roll my eyes, prompting a genuine smile from him as I shove his chest. “I’m just worried. If he had gotten your blood-”

“He wouldn’t have gotten away with it,” Steve promises, cupping my face in his strong hands and looking at me seriously. “You don’t need to worry about him, Maggie. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” I say quietly. He sags a little, sighing, and I quickly continue before he can speak. “What if he had killed Natasha? Or Wanda and Sam? You would be furious, Steve.”

“Yes,” He says, quickly and firmly, and I suck in a small breath. “But not at you, Maggie. Never at you.” His arms grip my waist, tugging me back to his chest and resting his forehead against mine. “Think of it this way: He didn’t. Everyone made it out, everyone’s safe, and you’re here with me.”

I smile. “I guess you’re right.”

“See?” He smirks, his fingers flexing once. “I’m not letting you go again.”

“You didn’t. Fury did.”

“Shush, you.” I giggle, and he leans in to nudge my nose with his. “That’s my girl.” He smiles, and I shove his solid chest, unsurprised when he just surges forward again. “Are you ready to go back?”

I nod, biting my lip. “Is your motorcycle still at the airport?”

“Of course,” He murmurs, our lips slowly getting closer.

I lean forward, barely brushing my lips against his before stepping back out of his reach. “Let’s go then,”

He makes a noise in his throat, snagging my hips and yanking me against him. “We can wait a couple of minutes,” He growls, and I smile as his lips land on mine.

…

I squeeze Steve’s middle tighter as he pulls us into the parking spot, cutting off the engine of his bike before resting his hand over mine. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” I flex my grip, ignoring his slight flinch. “If you wouldn’t go so fast I wouldn’t have to hold you so tight.”

Steve laughs, his muscles flexing with the movement, and I smile as he easily climbs off and hoists me down, an obvious reminder of his serum-enhanced strength. I grab my bag, but he scoops his and takes mine from me in one sweep, taking my hand in his empty hand and leading me up the stairs to the door to his small, cozy apartment.

“Do you want to come in or meet up later?” He asks, releasing my hand to dig his key from his pocket.

“Why not both?” I ask, snagging both bags from him and blinking innocently at his glare. “Lead the way, soldier.”

He shakes his head, no real heat to it as he pushes the door open for me and steps aside, taking the bags yet again as I brush past him.  I decide to let it slide, flipping the switch on as I step into his living room and take in his slightly modern home, loving how it’s not too different from what he’s used to. I glance over and smile, seeing him toe off his favorite gray Nikes before setting my bag gently beside the front door and padding to his room. I bite my lip, following as silently as possible, and after he slides off his navy jacket and tosses it on the bed I wrap my arms around his middle again, resting my forehead against his back.

“You didn’t have to sneak up on me,” He says calmly, muscles flexing as he starts unloading his duffle bag, and I instantly know he heard me the entire time.

I kiss the spot between his shoulder blades. “I know.”

He twists in my arms, gently capturing my lips and running his tongue along the seam of my lips. I instantly open for him, gripping the sides of his shirt in my fists as he gently tugs at my hair, and I finally have to pull away, gasping slightly.

“Do you have your inhaler?” He asks, brushing hair from my face and watching me calmly.

I huff out an irritated breath. “You and that damn inhaler.”

“Language,” His voice doesn’t change, and I know it’s just habit.

“Yes, I have it,” He smiles, kissing my forehead, and I add, “You worry too much.”

“How else am I going to keep track of you?” He grins, and I roll my eyes. “What are you doing for dinner?”

“Coming over here?” He nods once, and I laugh a little. “You could always come to my place.”

“I like you over here,” He gently kisses the spot under my ear, and I gasp quietly. “Is that a problem?”

“No,” I whisper, and he smirks before planting a chaste kiss to my lips.

“Go unpack. I’ll be over as soon as I’m done.” He winks, and I make a face as I grab my bag and step into the hall, unlocking the door to the apartment beside his. My room isn’t much different;  it’s simple, maybe a little cluttered, but it’s home, and I have Steve living beside me in case something happens. I smile a little, remembering his hesitant offer to live in his apartment with him, but I know he’s more traditional and would rather get married first- and frankly, so would I. I shake off the thought and step into my bedroom, dropping the bag on the bed and pausing at the slight crinkle. I tug out a sheet of paper and go completely still.

Your soldier won’t be beside you for long.

I force myself to breathe before stepping out of my apartment again and barging right into his, note tight in my grip, and he steps out with a frown, looking at me worriedly before his eyes land on the note.

“We need to talk,” I breathe.

Tags @ariallane @avengerscompound @jennylovelyheart @mewsiex @chrisevans-imagines @imagine-assembling-the-avengers @whostheblondegirl @mylittlefandomfanfictions @hannshasallthecheese @sian22redux @mycapt-ohcapt @jayded-dreams @4theluvofall @smoothdogsgirl @soulmates8 @katiew1973 @hista-girl @fay-1994 @pegasusdragontiger @domcaaa996 @dragonflare18 @mizzzpink  @iamwarrenspeace @pinkleopardss @stevergxrs @ilovethings-somuch @be-amaziing @patzammit @corie-the-writer @hellohollands @ajestice @brb-theres-cookies @liza-ouat @shut-it-tinman @chameerah @giftofdreams @geeksareunique @pheonix16 @my-emotional-self @yourstateofdreaming @esoltis280 @janeyboo @ladygrey03 @see-you-again-my-sun-and-stars @marvelfan18buckybear @nerdgirljen @password123d @marvelouslyme96 @jadepc @starbuckycofee @sophster1881 @sleepylunarwolf @gazebozo-the-clown @snowflakesandkisses @shakyskit @gigiljoshler @promarvelfangirl @kimmiestrawberrykiwi @averyrogers83 @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @anaussiesblog @idontbelieveinperfect​ @disney-fire-fox​ @leanachansworld @palaiasaurus64​ @whyugottabsorude @captainrogerrsbeard @guera31​ @marvelismylifffe​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @mrs-captain-evans​ @kirstie-evans-writes​ @jamesbarnesappreciationclub​ @southerngracela @introvertedmouse If you would like on or off the tag list please let me know

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[kittyotakunoir666]

2WAYMIRROR: Medicate

This is a continuation of Butterflies

Broken girls Butterflies Perfect day

Goodbye Medicate Pillowcase

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Medicate by Gabbie Hanna

I'm unwell, thanks for asking

Don't mind me 'cause I'm just passing by

In this life, been a while

Thought that you forgot, but that's alright

How've you been? Glad to hear it

Just one question if you can bear it

Do you ever miss me, too?

'Cause I spend my days still thinking of you

I never thought I would run into Adrien again, not for a long time. Not after we broke up and I became Neti and made my own fashion line. Not after all these years of me being free from him and my first album being about him and his lying and cheating. God did I hope that my luck would continue but unfortunately, I was not that lucky nor was I lucky enough for him to forget me like I hoped he would.

We ran into each other after I bought some more materials for my personal designs I was doing for myself as Neti. I, of course, thought of Adrien often and how it was he who made me feel uneasy entering into another relationship with anyone. How my mentality isn’t completely good anymore but at least it wasn’t like it was back to when we first broke up. I, out of curiosity, did ask him if he ever missed me after the break-up. 

He didn’t answer me but that was answer enough.

Should I take a pill to numb the pain?

Change the chemicals inside my brain

I worry I won't be the same

But I guess that that's the point

I left him standing there after that and went straight home. It was around the time for me to take my antidepressants and honestly, it helped me calm down my anxiety that was rising.  After releasing my album about him I went to the doctor and he prescribed me my medication and I have been doing better. It helped that I was away from him and wasn’t around anyone toxic in my life thanks to all of them taking his side. Good riddance I say after all I did for them; I supported them, I cared for them, I encouraged them, I did as they asked for those years, and what do I get for it, a backstabbing.

Can you medicate a broken heart?

Make your tragedies a work of art

Medicate a broken heart

Build your walls up just to rip them apart

Is this the way to fix this or is this a quick fix?

I really couldn't say

Can you medicate, medicate, medicate it away?

(FLASHBACK)

I had gone to the doctors and they told me I had depression and all I can think of is. ‘Of course, I do I was in a manipulative relationship where my boyfriend cheated on me multiple times.’ But things are, I still felt bad, I still wasn’t feeling like I did before and I keep asking myself ‘Can a broken heart be healed with medication, or does it take time but how much time?’

But the medicine did help relieve the hurt of my broken heart. I was able to heal when I kept writing my songs and kept designing. I basically threw myself into my work and accidentally became a workaholic but oh well better this than the alternatives.

(END OF FLASHBACK)

Doctor Smile, kill me with kindness

And don't ask about the side effects

Swallow hard, kill sadness with science

But the aftermath might make you sick

I thought I was doing better but then this happened. I ran into him and of course, my depression would act up again like when I was first diagnosed. But my heart began to hurt again so I decided to head into my room, locked myself in there, and cry my eyes out because it is sometimes therapeutic.

Should I take a pill to numb the pain?

Change the chemicals inside my brain

I worry I won't be the same

But I guess that that's the point

I cried and cried but right after, I felt so much better. The medication was able to activate and began to help me. It was around the afternoon but I felt like taking a nap so I did. As I began to fall asleep I kept wondering if I would run into him again and if so how would I react. But I hope that I won’t react like this again since I can be a bit more prepared now that I know he’s in Paris again.

Can you medicate a broken heart?

Make your tragedies a work of art

Medicate a broken heart

Build your walls up just to rip them apart

Is this the way to fix this or is this a quick fix?

I really couldn't say

Can you medicate, medicate, medicate it away?

After my nap, I woke up to my phone vibrating with the number of messages I was getting so I decided to check on what was up. It was a group chat with my new friends made blasting my phone asking if I was ok since one of them ran into Adrien and how they were worried that I ran into him. They are wonderful friends for trying to be there for me and by the looks of it, I will be expecting company soon.

QUANTIC DISASTERS

Ice king❄: Marinette I just saw Adrien. Are you ok? Did you run into him? I’m coming over

Melodie🩰: Wait, Adrien the cheater is in Paris right now?

Ice king❄: Yes

Kid-mime🐶: Fuck. Mari are you ok?

Sandman💤: What, are we going to do about Adrien?

Melodie🩰: Should we go visit her?

Kid-mime🐶: Mari are you there?

Sandman💤: Maybe she’s taking a breather and need time?

Kid-mime🐶: I’m getting worried guys

Melodie🩰: WAIT

Melodie🩰: We need to know first and foremost if she saw him or not or else we will put her in a bad mental state.

Kid-mime🐶: Hey, Ice King, What should we do.

Sandman💤: Should we be worried about Adrien’s presence in Paris or is it possible that we can avoid him.

Kid-mime🐶: Felix

Kid-mime🐶: Ffffffeeeeelllliiixxxxx

Kid-mime🐶: Dude answer

Kid-mime🐶: Hey, Felix answer or I’ll spam you

Kid-mime🐶: Alright you asked for this.

Kid-mime🐶: Guys brb

Sandman💤: We should head to Mari’s place she could need us.

 Melodie🩰: Especially since she’s not answering us so I’ll see you guys over there

Whoa, whoa

Oh, medicate it away

Whoa, whoa

Oh, medicate it away

There was a knock at my door and I knew it had to be them. I smiled and I went to let them in and as I did so I remember the first time I broke down in front of them.

They say give yourself a break

They tell me to medicate

I don't wanna medicate

(FLASHBACK)

“Enough!!” I yelled at my new friends, “Don’t ask me about him anymore”

They stood their eyes widened as they stared at me. We were at my apartment and we were hanging out before they began to ask me about my relationship with Adrien and if I saw the break-up coming, and how I felt about his cheating when I snapped. Felix was the one to make the first move by getting angry at me. 

“You don’t have to yell at us, you know, all you had to do was tell us you didn’t want us asking about the situation,” He said with a glare and that is what ticked me off.

“Well maybe they saw my interviews with the many people who kept asking me about it they would know the answers,” I hissed at him as I began to raise my voice and address the others, “Is this the reason your friends with me, all you care about is my old relationship with famous model Agreste. Am I not good enough like I was to him, Why did you become friends with me anyway, Why are you betraying me, Why can’t you understand me, Why are you being like this, am I really not good enough, Why… WHY WAS I NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, ADRIEN”

After that, I began to cry and I fell to the ground crying my eyes out looking at the floor. Asking over and over again why I’m never good enough. I then felt arms go around me and I looked up from the floor. I saw Allegra, Claude, Allan, and Felix hugging me and trying to calm me down and they were saying comforting words and saying sorry for asking when they should have realized that it was a sensitive subject. 

(END OF FLASHBACK)

Oh, can you medicate a broken heart?

Make your tragedies a work of art

Medicate a broken heart

Build your walls up just to rip them apart

Is this the way to fix this or is this a quick fix?

I really couldn't say

Can you medicate, medicate, medicate it away?

“Hey guys,” I greeted them 

“Hey Marinette” Allegra greeted giving me a hug 

“Hey Mari,” Claude said in a soothing tone

“It’s good to see your okay, Mari,” Allan said with quiet empathy

“Have you seen Felix?” Claude asked looking around, “He hasn’t answered any messages even when I spammed him with a lot of messages”

Whoa, whoa

Oh, medicate it away

Whoa, whoa (Whoa)

Oh, medicate it away

We hung out in my apartment when a knock came from the door. I went to see who it was and standing there was Felix with bags from the grocery store. I let him in and helped him with the bags and I saw that there was chocolate, ice cream, rom-coms, and a cake. I thanked him and hugged him for being there for me and doing this for me along with the others. We decided to have a sleepover so I don’t feel alone.

So maybe medication doesn’t heal a broken heart but time can. Especially, when you have friends who care about you and want to be there for you.

Oh, medicate it away

Oh, medicate it away

[imaginetonyandbucky]

imagine no powers au where tony is still a rich businessman and meets ptsd vet bucky when fitting his prosthetic. bucky doesnt realise tony is tony stark.

Worst Case

Summary: When Bucky applies for a program for a new type of prosthesis he doesn’t have much hope of getting into it, but then a doctor who only introduced himself as Tony turns up and flips his world upside down. Not only does he end up with a new arm but also a crush that is hard to ignore as time goes on.

Warnings: Panic Attacks

Read it on AO3

Chapter 1 of 7

James (7:32 am)“Today’s the appointment”“couldn’t sleep”

Nat (7:33 am)“Don’t punch them for trying to touch your shoulder, that’s their job.”

James (7:33 am)“That was ONE time.”“And deserved.”

Nat (7:43 am)“Good luck!”“…

James (1:14 pm)“Fuck everything.”

Nat (1:14 pm)“?”

James (1:14 pm)“I’m not eligible for the program.”“Trying hard not to cry, I’m on the bus.”

Nat (1:15 pm)“Прости, дорогая!” (I’m sorry, darling!)“What happened?”

James (1:17 pm)“They pocked and prodded me for two hours then said sorry”“too much nerve damage”“they can’t do anything”“fucking shit”“brb”“having a panic attack”

Nat (1:18 pm)“Breath, James, breath.”

Two days later…

James (9:05 am)“They just called…woke me up the damn bastards”“Want me to come in again”“*eye rolling smiley*”“guess they didn’t fuck with me enough already”(9:06am)“wanna look at the freak with the nerve damage again”“fuck them…”

Nat (9:07 am)“James…”“What did they say?”

James (9:10 am)“They wanna repeat the tests.”

Nat (9:11 am)“Doesn’t sound bad. Maybe they think you’re still eligible for a prosthesis?”

James (9:12 am)“…”“…fine.”“I’ll go.”

Nat (9:12 am)“Good boy.”

(More after the break!)

—-

The guy strode into the room like he owned the entire building.

“I’m personally offended by your nerve damage. Not by you, hot stuff, I could never be offended by someone with your face. Holy crap, do you have a weapon license for that glare, that look could kill someone.”

The man didn’t even bother to say hello. Bucky was immediately put off by his bluntness and flirtyness? and the guy didn’t stop talking. He sat down on one of those stools with wheels and rolled around the room, picking up Bucky’s file from the counter. He flipped through it, pulled a face, then dropped it with a look of disgust that made Bucky want to get up from examination chair and walk out the door. The nerve the man had, he could have just slapped him in the face, would have felt the same.

“You’re the impossible patient, I hear. People’ve been talking about you, saying what a poor guy you are with that level of amputation and nerve damage.” The man rolled up to Bucky’s left side, clasping his hands together and grinning enthusiastically. “I wanted to see that for myself. I’m Tony by the way.”

Bucky was too angry to say anything for a moment and he took a deep breath before trusting himself to speak. He sat up in the chair, ready to get up.

“I would like to go now, Dr. - ” He looked at the guy’s name tag on his lab coat.“ -Banner?”

The man had the audacity to laugh.

“I’m not Dr. Banner, I just took his coat for today, we do that sometimes. Anyway, you’re not allowed to leave until I get some results.”

“Listen, Dr. Whoeveryouare - ”

“Tony.”

“I don’t care.” Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. “If all you want is to humiliate me further by running more tests with no results then I have no reason to stay, the other doctor made it pretty clear yesterday that I’m a fucked up case and won’t be getting a prosthesis. I can accept that, but I can’t accept that you want to put me through these fucking tests again just for your own amusement. I’m not having another panic attack so you can have a good laugh with your colleagues later. I’m leaving now.”

Bucky got up, he was shaking and unsteady on his feet, but if he could just get out of this room he could hold onto the wall and make it out of the clinic if he recalled correctly there was an alley right next to it -.

He didn’t get very far because Tony rolled in front of him with the stool and very effectively blocked his way.

“Who said anything about having a laugh. When I said results I meant results we can work with. Results that will get you a new arm.” Tony reached out and held onto Bucky’s arm, steadying him. “Sit back down please, you look like you are about to have a breakdown.”

“You’re not wrong,” Bucky mumbled, Tony’s words slowly sank in and he sat back down on the chair. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself with a long exhale. “I don’t understand. The nerve damage-”

“The nerve damage is severe, that’s true, but I’m here for the impossible cases and you fit the definition perfectly. Shoulder disarticulation, burn scars, shattered clavicle and scapula, not to mention the muscle damage and I’m guessing PTSD as well, Afghanistan?”

Bucky leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. “Iraq.”

“You okay?” Tony’s voice was suddenly quiet, concerned, a stark contrast to his in-your-face tone earlier.

“Okay enough.”

Bucky heard Tony rolling around, pulling something heavier towards them and making some noise, his best guess was that Tony was readying the machine the other doctor had already used to test the nerve reaction in his stump. He didn’t know why Tony thought he was going to get a different result than two days ago, but he also had no idea how this machine worked in the first place.

“Why me?”

“Whaff?” Tony sounded like he had something in his mouth and Bucky cracked open an eye just to confirm that the man had a screwdriver between his teeth, he had both his hands in the wiring of the machine and was doing …something to it.

“What the hell?”

“Just a sec, almost got it. Should be able to get some more sensitivity out of this thing.” Tony dropped the screwdriver from his mouth, caught it and stuck it into the machine in one smooth move. “Don’t worry, I designed this thing. I know what I’m doing.” Something inside the scanner made a whining noise and a mischievous grin spread over Tony’s face. “Done, now strip.”

Tony loosely fitted the covering back onto the machine and turned to Bucky who was still speechless.

“Strip, or do you want me to stick the electrodes on your shirt?”

“Why me?” Bucky repeated again. “Why go through all that effort for me?”

“Because,” Tony sorted through the cables of the electrodes, casually getting everything ready for testing, “when I get this technology to work with you, Mr. Impossible-Nerve-Damage, I can get this to work with everybody.”

“You sound like you invented this thing yourself.”

Tony stalled minutely in his movements but soon continued to untangle the cables. “I was part of the team, it’s an issue of personal pride. Now, do I have to buy you dinner first before you undress?” He flashed a cocky grin at Bucky.

Bucky didn’t know why taking off his shirt was so difficult for him right now, Tony had certainly seen the pictures in his files, and he had done it with the other doctor two days ago, but that one had been cold to him, almost sterile, and with the remnants of an almost break down at the back of his mind Bucky didn’t feel comfortable exposing his scars.

The flirting didn’t help.

While Bucky was still trying to get the courage to pull off his shirt he heard Tony roll around the room again and then he suddenly had a blanket in his lap. One of those white emergency blankets that the clinic kept in the cupboards and nobody had ever touched before.

“You can cover up after I applied the electrodes, no need for you to be uncomfortable. And I’m not judging, I can assure you that.”

Bucky nodded. He swallowed, then shrugged out of the hoodie he was wearing. He needed another second before he pulled off his shirt. The cold air on his shoulder was uncomfortable, the scar tissue was still sensitive there, still red and irritated even after all these months. He knew it would take time till he would be completely healed, his stump at least, not like he was going to grow a new arm.

“Can you lie a bit on your side?” Tony was adjusting the backseat of the chair and put it up a bit. “I need to get to your backside for a moment, then you can lie on your back.”

Bucky did as he was told.  

“I guess you know how these work, so just relax.”

“You say it like it’s easy.” Bucky huffed. He involuntarily twitched when Tony touched him. The skin on his fingertips felt rough on Bucky’s sensitive skin, but Tony worked quickly and efficiently, not touching him more than was necessary. Unlike the other doctor who had been fumbling with the electrodes forever before he had glued them to Bucky’s stump. With soft pressure on his shoulder, Tony guided him onto his back and then applied the electrodes to his chest and side.

“Okay, that’s it. You can cover up.” Tony turned back to the machine and started pressing buttons on the screen, Bucky unfolded the blanket and threw it over himself, it made him feel a little better about the situation. Not as exposed as the last time and also not freezing from the AC. Now he just had to wait… and hope, still he was extremely tense.

“Are you okay over there?” Tony suddenly asked and Bucky gave him a questionable look. “I feel like you’re having a moment. You’re breathing pretty hard.”

“I’m fine.” Bucky pressed. “Just…nervous. Already gave up on this whole thing and then you waltz in and turn everything upside down.”

“Yeah, that’s what I do.” He smirked then turned back to the device and fiddled with it, Bucky knew he was running certain programs to measure nerve activity or whatever. Last time most of the appointment had been taken up by the very lengthy explanation of the whole procedure, the measuring itself had only taken a few minutes. When he heard Tony sigh he knew it was already over. He prepared himself for walking out of the door like the other day, feeling utterly broken.

“Initial readings are really crappy, I can see how Dr. Richards thought you couldn’t be worked with,” Tony mumbled.

That was that. Bucky sat up, letting the blanket fall onto his lap. He reached for his shirt and started on untangling it.

“Woah there, what are you doing?”

“Getting dressed again. I’m guessing we’re done here…”

“You’re guessing wrong, hotshot.”

Bucky looked at Tony like he had just grown a second head. “But the results are crap.”

“The initial results are crap, but I’m not done yet. Get comfortable, put on some music, this is going to take a while.” With that, Tony turned back to the device and left Bucky sitting with his mouth hanging open. After Tony didn’t say anything else and just continued with his work Bucky laid back down, eventually, he also pulled out his phone and started to listen to some music.

James (7:48 pm)“That took FOREVER!”“I’m pretty sure Tony is a mad scientist”

Nat (7:49 pm)“What happened? Have you been in the hospital until now?”

James (7:50 pm)“Got out like half an hour ago dude wouldn’t let me go”“There was an actual fire in the device he kept poking around in it”“Thought the guy wanted to electrocute me more than once!”“The noises it made!!!”James (7:51 pm)“He wants me to come back tomorrow”“There were zero results today”“nothing”“my nerves are fucked and still he wants me to come in”“Can’t believe this guy”

Nat (7:53 pm)“He sounds determined…”

James (7:54 pm)“He sounds crazy! Insisted I call him Tony and he kept flirting with me!”“Should tell you how insane he really is”

Nat (7:55 pm)“James, you’re not as bad as you think you are”“A doctor flirting with his patient is a bit …weird though”

James (7:56 pm)“yeah… don’t know what to think about him”“taking a book tomorrow”“and some food”

Nat (7:57 pm)“Good idea”

James (11:43 pm)“He’s cute though *winky smiley*”

Nat (11:44 pm)“ffs! James!”

[streaks-of-lavender]

Fander Pride Meet Up Entry

Hello! Spoonfullofcrofters here! You can call me pretty much whatever, some know me as Adrian, some Quinn, a lot of people just call me Carrot based on my email address. I am a genderfluid, aroflux bisexual. He/him or they/them pronouns, please.

I first realised that I was bisexual in 9th grade, when I came across the term on BuzzFeed. Ever since I was little there had been signs that I didn’t know how to recognise. Or maybe I was too scared. Because I didn’t know you could be bisexual. As in, I didn’t think it was physically possible. It had to be one or the other, no in between at all. I wasn’t biphobic or anything, just ignorant. No one had ever even said the word “bisexual” to me before. I didn’t know it existed. As far as I knew, it was gay or straight, that was it. And so for a long time it terrified me to no end. I knew I wasn’t gay. I’d liked guys before, I was attracted to guys, so I couldn’t possibly be gay. Right? For a long time I was in denial. I tried to ignore that part of me, tried to pretend it didn’t exist. It was around when I started high school that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It demanded to be acknowledged. There had been so many little things. The “boy” I saw one day in fourth grade and thought was cute, until they turned around and I realised it was a girl, but I still thought she was cute. That time I was watching a show and a character that hadn’t been seen for a while showed up, and my first thought was, “Damn, she got hot.” That one shook me up for a good two days. The time I said to my mother, when she asked, “IDK. Either one, I guess, it doesn’t really matter.” I legitimately said to my mother “Could be either, I don’t care” and still thought I was straight. Currently laughing at baby bisexual me. Then one night I was killing time on BuzzFeed, and I saw an article about problems bisexual people have. I’m not sure what compelled me to click on it, but I did. I read it. Then all the comments. Then searched BuzzFeed for more, and when I’d read everything, proceeded to Google. I’ll admit I was a bit in shock. Suddenly here was a word, here were people like me, here was the answer I’d been searching for. It didn’t take me long to start calling myself bi. It was something I’d always been, no matter how much I tried to repress it. The only difference was that now it had a name. My gender identity was a much more complicated process.

As did my sexuality crisis, my gender crisis began on the internet, on YouTube this time. I was watching Mileschronicles. His old version of the gender tag, to be specific. He said something along the lines of, “I don’t feel entirely like a girl, but I don’t really feel any pressure to figure out what else I feel like, either.” I thought, “What’s the big deal? No one feels completely girly all of the time. Mostly it’s just kind of meh.” and then I thought, “Wait.” That was that door open now. This, however, was not nearly as easy and clear cut as the end of my straight phase had been. I was terrified and shocked and uncertain. How could I not be a girl? I’d always been a girl! Sure, most of the time I wasn’t the most feminine person, but that didn’t mean I was a boy or anything! As per usual, I took to the internet for answers. I learned about all sorts of identities. Nonbinary, agender, bigender, demigender, genderflux. I could never seem to settle on one, though. Ironically, the one I never really looked into was genderfluid, because I thought, “no, that’s definitely not it.” Currently facepalming, brb. Part of the reason I was having such a hard time was my uncertainty. This was uncharted territory here. Sure, my mom and brother were both gay, but this was completely new. Was it true? Was I lying? Could I be making it up? Then I found a tumblr post saying, “If you have to ask, then the answer is probably yes,” which helped. The other issues was that I couldn’t pin it down. I’d find one thing that felt right and go, “Oh, this must be it!” But then a few days later it would feel wrong again. At the time I thought I was faking it. Now I realise it was just changing. It took me a lot of reflection and more than a few all-nighters to start really understanding and becoming comfortable with it. Suddenly so many things made sense. Why I was so much more bothered than all the other girls during our fourth grade Human Growth and Development unit. Why when I’d go shopping to buy clothes for a chorus concert, the thought of having to wear a dress made me so uncomfortable, but a few nights later I would be longing to pull out the skirt buried in the back of my closet. Why every little part of puberty felt so utterly wrong. I didn’t want to start wearing that awful flowery deodorant my mother wanted me to. I didn’t want to wear a bra. And I did NOT want to get my period. The first few times I had it were awful. I was mortified. I was shocked. I wanted to hide under the covers until the sun went away. At the time I think it was because I thought I was too young, but looking back, there was more to it. This bone deep sense of NO, WRONG, THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, THIS IS NOT ME. I would get so confused when sometimes I would be watching someone like Zoella on YouTube and it would leave me feeling absurdly feminine, wanting to run around the room and scream at the top of my lungs, “I’m a girl!!” which never made sense, because of course I was. What else would I be? Genderfluid, that’s what. At the time I just had no idea.

That was almost two years ago now. Things were rough at times, but I’ve been blessed with the most understanding and supportive family in the world, the best possible friends, and probably the best possible environment, and I am so happy. My parents accepted me as soon as they got over their initial shock. My friends made adjustments without batting an eye. My teachers started using my new name without question when the guidance counselor emailed them. Sure, things might have been a bit hard at first, but I’m doing okay. For the first time in forever I feel like I’m going to be alright. And potential reader, whatever you’re going through right now, you’ll be alright too. If you need it I’ll be here to support you every step of the way. Take it easy, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals (I’ve always wanted to say that). <3

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #193

BTVS 7x11 Showtime

Stray thoughts

1) Rona was such a wasted opportunity of a character for a show that has a track record of treating POCs poorly. Instead, they turned her into the Token Angry Black Girl. Le sigh.

2) I guess we were supposed to be into the flirty banter here, but it feels… I don’t know? Too forward? Too abrupt? Too soon? Too unearned?

KENNEDY You don't have to do this. Flooring it. In the bag. 'Cause nice big comfy bed right here. I mean, you ought to know. Your bed.

WILLOW Yeah, but no. I'm OK. I just, I like it down here. It's firm.

KENNEDY Funny, you look a little uncomfortable. Or... is it just me? (…) So, you're saying I should enjoy having this bed all to myself as long as I can?

3) Using the dead potential to infiltrate Buffy’s house was a smart move but The First didn’t play it right. But I’ll get into that later.

4)

RONA Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?

XANDER The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"

 5) Your Cordelia is showing, Buffy…

BUFFY We know stakes don’t kill it, but anything in those ancient books about what does? Sunlight, fire, germs?

6) I get the point they were trying to make here…

EVE Spike? Sorry, I'm confused. He's that vampire who's been killing people, right? He's the one you're worried about helping?

BUFFY Well, we need him to—he's the one that's been—it's complicated, Chloe.

They were trying to highlight that Buffy wanted to rescue Spike for personal reasons more than anything. But there was a more obvious and rational answer to that question: the fact that the First wanted Spike and had obviously been manipulating him should be enough of a reason to want to keep an eye on him.

I still can’tunderstand why no one could put two and two together! Especially Giles...

7) Spike dreaming of breaking free and seeing Buffy is #sad. And then the way he repeats “she’ll come for me” as a mantra is #waysadder. Although it’s beautiful how the reality ended up being so much better than his fantasies.

8) Shocker: Xander truly was Anya’s best boyfriend.

9) Anya is the true hero in this episode.

ANYA OK, Torg, look, you open this tiny little gateway to the Beljoxa's Eye for me, and I'll— You and I will go— I'll have sex with you again.

Same, Giles.

10) Sloppy Firsty tsk tsk.

If it had cleaned up after its murder, as one should, it would’ve gotten away with infiltrating and manipulating the potentials for way longer and getting priceless intel in the process.

11) You’re damn right, Dawn.

ANDREW OK, here's another interesting thing: how come the slayer's always a girl?

DAWN I dunno. 'Cause girls are cooler?

12) Now this is so cool, I love it!

I wish we’d gotten to see more demons/monsters like this one. For a supernatural show, Buffy was usually pretty light on the horror part of it or, well, repetitive (is this a penis metahoor?) 

13) There is something that I appreciate about Kennedy: her bravado and fearlessness. Most of the girlss are sacred shitless, and she’s like, let’s go kill some stuff.

14) And I fucking love this moment. I don’t know, it kind of proved the show still had a few tricks up its sleeve and that it could still surprise us, you know? It’s such a small moment and it almost goes unnoticed, and when it’s revealed what actually was going on it acquires so much relevance.

15)

WILLOW Last time I tried using magic, The First—it turned it around on me. Got inside. I felt it just surging through me, every fiber of my being. Pure, undiluted evil. I could taste it.

KENNEDY How's evil taste?

WILLOW A little chalky.

16) WTF Buffy!

Literally 20 seconds later...

The fucking Turok Han was after them and this girl took her time to put on her jacket and buttoning it up??? PRIORITIES!!!!

17) Now, this is something I didn’t need to hear…

ANYA I just—I don't understand how Buffy's death mucked up the whole slayer mojo. You know, it's not like she hasn't died before.

GILES It's not because she died. The Beljoxa's Eye was quite clear about that in its enigmatic way. It's because she lives. Again. Buffy's not responsible for that.

ANYA Oh. Oh. Willow and me and Xander and Tara. We're the ones who brought Buffy back. We're—we're the reason The First is here, the reason those girls were murdered. No, it's our fault. The world would've been better off if Buffy had just stayed dead.

 How dare you, Anya. How fucking dare you. Yes, they fucked up, they had messed with dark forces they couldn’t even imagine because they were selfish and scared. And while there’s truth to what Anya says, there’s something about the way she phrases it that rubs me the wrong way. Because, you see, she’s putting the blame on Buffy. She’s saying: “the world would be better off if Buffy had stayed dead” instead of “the world would be better off if we hadn’t brought her back”

18) I fucking love this, all of it. Iconic.

BUFFY Looks good, doesn't it? They're trapped in here. Terrified. Meat for the beast, and there's nothing they can do but wait. That's all they've been doing for days. Waiting to be picked off. Having nightmares about monsters that can't be killed. But I don't believe in that. I always find a way. I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about. And right now, you and me are gonna show 'em why. It's time. Welcome to Thunderdome.

It truly is an iconic moment, and for good reason. The previous episode had ended with Buffy making a grand speech which was more of a mission statement than an actual plan. The potentials could tell she had good intentions, but they had yet to see what she was capable of doing. On the contrary, they had seen at least two of their own getting killed off, Buffy being beaten up, and The First easily infiltrating their home without anyone noticing it. Buffy needed to show them in an unequivocal way that she was a force to be reckoned with, and that she was putting her money where her mouth was.

In-fucking-deed.

The fight with the Turok Han is definitely one of the most memorable fight scenes in the whole show, and yet another highlight of the season, in my opinion.

And she was so damn right, even if it was still more for show than anything.

BUFFY See? Dust. Just like the rest of 'em. I don't know what's coming next, but I do know it's gonna be just like this. Hard. Painful. But in the end it's gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we'll be the ones left standing.

19) BRB, crying.

I just love how far from the fantasy he played out in his head this scenario is. He imagined there would be this epic battle and that he’d kick some Bringers’ ass and then Buffy would be waiting for him, loving and welcoming. The hero returning to his lady. In reality, there was no battle at all, it wasn’t much of a grand rescue, and instead of being the hero he was the damsel in distress. Buffy simply arrived and set him free. But the way she looked at him, with such tenderness, that was so much more than what he could’ve asked for, let alone imagined.

20) Good episode!

21)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[wannawrite]

Please Don’t Fight With The Flower Boy

• who?: Yuehua's Justin Huang • genre: 🌸 • type: scenario • word count: 4560

the 'Our Two Lips' flower boys LDH | PJH | PWJ | KJH | IYM | LGL • unlike many other of his co-workers, Justin is forced to work as a flower boy for the Summer • is he going to maintain his 'bad boy' persona he holds in the circuit? I hope you guys think this plot is good because I really love it!! I love Justin, where tf are the three other boys, Yuehua explain yourself. Brb I'm going to raid Yuehua's dungeon. Thank you so much for requesting this anon! I hope you like it. 💖 - Admin L 

The wait was killing him, the tense atmosphere was strangling him. Justin wanted nothing more than to get out of the principal's office. The cold leather of the sofa gnawed at his thighs, he could feel the ice slowly creeping up his spine. Justin's head was hung in shame, his face still burning hot. Click, clack. The telltale sound of his mother's high heeled shoes echoed through the corridor right outside the room he was sitting in. Her heels seemed to pierce the silence, breaking his peace and quiet. At least it's only ma..... Justin could not look up to meet the eyes of his mother even after she had entered the room. He winced when he spotted his father's business shoes enter a few seconds after. And now...for the grand entrance of Principal Dickhead, he groaned internally, rolling his eyes at his principal. "Ahh! Mr and Mrs Huang, thank you for taking the time to come down. There are some matters to discuss...regarding your son." The warm and soothing hand of his mother rubbed his back. "What happened?" she asked. "What did my son do?" Her kind eyes met her sons shaking ones. "What happened?" 

Principal Asshole cleared his throat. "It appears that Justin took to violence to solve a small...dispute among his peers. The consequences he will face is a week's detention, counselling and...community service during the Summer break to reflect on his actions and how he could have better resolved the issue," he announced. "Justin!" His father growled out. "We sent you all the way to Korea to train in MMA, not to be a nuisance." "It wasn't my fault," Justin cried. "Matthew punched me first! I was defending myself!" His mother turned to the principal, fire in her eyes. "Did carry out a proper investigation? My son is not at fault!" She spat, taking an immediate dislike to the principal. "Yes, and I have already spoken to Matthew and his family. His consequences are more severe than yours." Principal Bitchass eyed Justin. "Justin sentence would be less if it wasn't for his...record." In the school's eyes, I'm a delinquent. They will never understand the struggle of a foreigner who transferred halfway into the year. Justin thought bitterly. Half of these people won't survive a day in China. Words of the principal passed in a hazy blur, a string of syllables Justin refused to comprehend. With much argumentation and persuasion, his parents and principal finally arrived at a settlement. A week of detention. He nodded in agreement as it sounded fair, even if he only fought Matthew out of defence. Counselling, but with a private counsellor unrelated to the school clinic. Fine, I'll just have my uncle write a false report about me. Not the worst, law-breaking act I've committed. He sighed in exasperation. This is ridiculous. Work at one of the following, The Sugar Shaker... Justin shook his head and shivered. No, I've stolen a pack of candy from there before. Doesn't Park Woojin work there? He's scary. The thought of breathing the same air as his grimacing Senior was enough to cross the candy store off the list altogether and send him running for the hills. There were a few other places listed that Justin did not bother to even scan over. He skipped all the way to the bottom of the list. His thick brows furrowed. Our Two Lips? 

"Cheer up, Stin!" Choi Seunghyuk beamed, wrapping an arm around his best friend encouragingly. "All of us will be there every day to support you!" Five tall figures squeezed onto the slim strip of pavement, making their way towards Justin's place of work for the Summer. Lee Euiwoong clicked his tongue on the top of his mouth in annoyance. "The school did you dirty. You don't deserve to be serving a sentence while Matthew gets away scot-free," he grumbled. Justin shrugged in response. "It's whatever, really. Don't worry, hyung. I guess I shouldn't have been so much of a troublemaker." "Yah," Zhu Zheng Ting started. "It isn't your fault. You never intended to start any trouble." "Will you still be coming for training though?" Ahn Hyungseob asked worriedly, fearful of losing his training partner at their academy. Both of them trained to be Mixed Martial Arts fighters. Justin Huang and Ahn Hyungseob were popular names in the circuit. The blonde talented fighter from China and the two-faced Korean boy you should be deceived by. Justin nodded reassuringly, patting his hyung's back. "You know I would never miss it. This is just my job for the Summer. I'll be training even after work." "Don't overwork yourself!" Euiwoong interjected. "Hyungseob has me too. Don't think about us, take care of yourself." He too was a rather well-known rookie boxer. Justin's feet began to drag the floor as they drew closer and closer to the cafe. He felt his legs shaking as he stumbled down the walkway. "Yah, do you think you'll see any of your opponents? Now that you have placed yourself in such a busy area?" Seunghyuk commented, genuinely pondering about it. Would it put his best friend in danger? Everyone knew Justin was a 'bad boy', even for a fighter, but that was just the reputation that tagged him. Justin's pile of worries only grew taller by the seconds but a calm, collected facade was plastered over his face. "I'll be fine. I'm on Yuehua's elite fighter team. It's just a job. How bad could this be?" 

Disastrous! This is terrible! Justin kept his head down, his white flower crown threatening to slip off. Ironically, the more he tried to hide, the more he stuck out like a sore thumb. He tried to slip off behind the counter but was unsuccessful, bumping into Jeong Sewoon in the process. His hyung folded his arms across his chest, quirking an eyebrow. "Yah, Justin, what are you trying to do? New customers just walked in." "That's the thing," he hissed. "Can I quit on my fourth day of work?" Justin was doing all he could do to cover his face, he wanted to keep a low profile. Y/N is here! Cube fighters are here! Sewoon frowned and peered over the younger boy's shoulder. "Why? What's so wrong with them?" He questioned, gesturing for Kim Samuel to attend to them in place of the shaking blonde flower boy. Justin swallowed, feeling absolutely stupid for avoiding his job because of such a filial matter. He wanted to prove that himself that he could handle a mundane job, and not just ones that did not abide by the law. Whatever! I can do this. Justin's confidence and self-assurance melted away like candle wax the second a group of trainees from a rival academy stepped in. He knew them, they too were killer rookies. You, Yoo Seonho, Lai Guanlin and Lim Hui Qi from The Cube Club. There was no real reason to be afraid of them, heck, he was not even sure why his reaction was to run. Maybe discovering his Summer job was more embarrassing than he thought. Then again, maybe he was shy about facing his ex-opponents - Seonho and Guanlin - again. Despite all those thoughts, Justin scooped the pile of menus from Samuel's arms and beamed at the fellow fighters. "Allow me." This is no big deal. This is no big deal. Well, compared to all the other unlawful acts you have committed, this is a far cry from them. Justin did not know the true reason for the sudden jump his heart beat. Was it you? Or was it that you were from Cube? 

"So that's him?" Lim Hui Qi asked, squinting her eyes at Justin Huang. "Hmm, he looks different." Lai Guanlin snorted. "The only difference is the shade of blonde his hair is dyed," he paused to take a long sip of his drink. "That kid hasn't changed one bit." You sighed and allowed your head to loll on Hui Qi's shoulder. "Is there a need to do this? I don't understand Coach's logic. Why must we 'keep an eye out' for Justin?" You groaned. There could be a lot of better things I could be doing right now! Seonho and Guanlin aren't even scheduled to spar against him in the next tournament. We get it! Coach wants us to beware of the 'bad boy'. So far, there was not the slightest trace of the famous 'bad boy' character Justin carried around in the circuit. He was rather well-mannered, polite and seemed to be working hard. He also looked very sweet and handsome in his flower boy uniform, complete with a flower crown of course. This place sparked lots of curiosity in you as you had never heard of anything like it. You were not sure what to make of it. Our Two Lips was definitely an interesting place. Pity, Justin doesn't work at the branch near my school. You sighed and rubbed your temples. Snap out of it Y/N! You didn't come here to admire him! "We can just fake a report to Coach," Seonho voiced out his suggestion. "Like he broke his knee or something. That should get him off our backs." Contrary to whatever he said much earlier, Seonho seemed to genuinely enjoy his time here. He probably considered applying for the job. "Hah, like the board will believe that. Justin's fine," Guanlin scoffed. "He's a good fighter if I'm honest. He nearly beat me and only lost by a handful of points." "I wonder why he applied to work here," you blurted out before blushing intensely under the stares of your friends. "I mean, aren't National qualifiers soon? Shouldn't he devote more time to training instead?" Hui Qi shrugged her shoulders, ending the discussion just as Justin approached your table. He smiled, making eye contact with you. You noticed that a very light shade of pink tinged his cheeks. Do!! Not!! Think!! About!! How!! Adorable!! He!! Is!! "A pan-seared halibut?" Justin held the plate of fish and placed it in front of the starving Seonho. "Thank you," he chimed, all angel-like. Don't be flattered, he's like that to anyone who provides him with good food. "Hyung, are you a fisherman? Because you've got me on a hook," Justin chirped charmingly, causing Seonho to let out a soft gasp. Hui Qi nearly fainted when he read out her dish in a cute manner. Justin was good at his job, you would give him that. He's also good at making my heart race...... Fortunately, Guanlin did not receive any sort of flirtatiousness from Justin. He meekly handed Guanlin his meal before running off. "Hmm, looks like Y/N's dish is taking a bit longer," Hui Qi said. "Let's wait for the dish to arrive first." "No, it's fine-" The sentence could not even be finished before Justin rushed back with your food and vanilla milkshake. His smile seemed to light up your entire day. Justin was so elegant and prince-like, there was no doubt his true personality was one that exuded 'royalty' as well. You wanted to know more about him, even if you had to fight him in the arena a few months later. "Who ordered the milkshake?" Your hand was raised shyly, partially because Hui Qi used all her strength to yank it up. "Ahhh," Justin mused. "I guess you'll find me in your yard soon enough." One of his eyelids bat at you in a wink, causing your mind to be completely scrambled. What was the main objective of coming here? Spying out our competition. That did not register anymore. 

Justin tore off his flower crown, tying up the ribbons properly before storing it in his duffle bag. He shoved his work attire to the very bottom of his training bag, not everyone had to know about his job and the reason he got it. It was a late afternoon after his shift and now, he had to head towards Yuehua Sports School. His face was already flushed from all the busyness of the cafe but he pressed on. Justin exited the cafe after bidding his hyungs goodbye and started walking towards the bus stop. Really, he could phone his driver but all he wanted to do now was take a nice bus ride, he had not gone on one for a long time. As he neared the bus stop, his eyes narrowed in on a person sitting on the bench. Your signature duffle bag gave you away immediately. Justin's mouth ran dry, he did not know how to react. It was not uncommon both teams saw each other as the two academies were roughly in the same area. However, it was some sort of unspoken rule that neither of the competitors were to enter each other's training grounds. Justin was curious as to what The Cube Club's interior held but that was not the reason he perched timidly on the bench next to yours. It was safe to say you nearly got the shock of your life when you spotted Justin sitting next to you, staring at his trainers. Automatically, you stuffed your shaking hands into your pockets. "Hello." He replied without looking up from staring at the ground. "Hi." "Um, h-how are you?" You inquired. If I'm going to be late, I might as well make the most of this time and talk to him. Justin turned to face you, and fatigue was well worn onto his gorgeous features. Still, he did his best to beam. I'm not sure if even his smile can calm my nerves. Coach will cut me from the team this season if I'm late! "Hey," Justin called out, noticing your trembling form. "Are you okay?" Can't lie now, can I? "Truthfully, no. I'm late for training and...and you know how Cube coaches are," you groaned, burying your face in your hands in despair. "I can't be cut from the team." The rumble of the approaching bus which both of you hastily got on was enough to drown out Justin's reply. He slid into the seat next to yours on board, grinning cheekily. "Don't worry. Let me talk to your coach." You were not sure why you nodded.

Justin allowed his eyes to roll at the number of curious stares he got stepping into The Cube Club when the back of his training shirt read 'Yuehua Sprouts'. Whispers flooded the corridors, especially when your hand wrapped around his arm. You hurriedly burst into your usual training hall, only to find Guanlin sparring against Seonho and Hui Qi with another boxer. She turned her head so that her eyes met yours, mouthing something which you did not catch. "Coach!" Coach stormed up to you, his face sour and darkening when he spotted Justin. You winced, knowing the scene about to unfold would not be pretty. "Coach, I'm so sorry. I missed the bus and-" "I don't want your apologies! I want you to leave! Get out! You're no longer part of the team this season, don't bother coming for training! And, who is he?" Coach spat, pointing an accusing finger at the blonde boy. Justin ruffled his thick hair, smirking. "Good afternoon, coach. Wow, can't believe a Sprout is in your gym, can you?" He halted to let out a low whistle, effectively ticking your coach off even more. "It's good I finally get to meet the person who coached Lai Guanlin and Yoo Seonho. They're really talented and hard working. Pity, I beat Seonho in our category. He would be doing much better if it weren't for your...mediocre training." The look in Justin's eye did a flip, you were not sure who he was. "You...y-you. Rookie, watch your words," was all Coach could manage. Your fellow teammates had slowed down their match just to pay attention to the fiasco. His words did not faze Justin, they only added to the fire. "Ahh, some kind of professional you are. Kicking someone off the team without a legitimate reason. At least listen to Y/N's reason," he stated. "If anything, I'm to blame." At that, you whipped your head round to glare at him as if he was out of his mind. "Coa-" Your mouth clamped shut when Justin wrapped one of his arms around your shoulders. "You see, I saw Y/N at the bus stop and of course, I had to talk to my friend. Don't deprive your team of friends, especially from other academies. They need contacts if they want to hop another level up." Coach's face was turning red with anger but he had no words to utter. "It's a real bonus. Y/N is a beauty, would we not look good together?" A furious blush filled your cheeks at Justin's words while his face remained cold and taunting. Woah, is this the emotionless bad boy? "D-dating is prohibited in Cube!" Coach raged, obviously provoked. "Hmm, shame, using tricks on your trainees. Living their life for them. Now, listen to Y/N's explanation, they missed the bus, it can't be helped. No wonder your team is shaking, they're degrading under your reign. Also, want to lodge a complaint against me? Go ahead, when you can tip-toe to sweep the soles of our feet on our level. Just remember, my coach has dirt on you he can leak any time," Justin growled out, fed up with the unfair treatment. All jaws in the hall were hitting the floor. Your face was burning up and you knew your crush on him had deepened by many metres. This is bad! I can't catch feelings right now! But he is the sweetest person ever, despite whatever happened. Justin removed his arm from your shoulder a little reluctantly, patted your back and did not wait for a reply from your stunned coach before waltzing out of the Cube gymnasium like he owned the building. hesprobablyrichenoughirl He may not own The Cube Club, but he sure holds my heart. 

Out of gratitude, you visited Justin's workplace a few days after the whole incident. The guilt would eat you alive if you did not thank him personally. Seeing him in real life was your only option, considering the fact that you did not have his number. Well, you could get it from his fans but you figured it would be much better to get it from him personally. You approached Our Two Lips with a bag of gifts for Justin and a hopeful smile on your face. Since it was in the early opening hours, there was barely anyone occupying the seats. Taking a deep breath, you pushed the glass doors open, stepping into the cafe. Almost immediately, Justin was by your side. He was mid-way of tying his apron properly. "Hello, Y/N!" He greeted cheerfully. "How can I help you?" Justin's eyes seemed to sparkle and gleam with youth and joy. "Uh, hi. I-I actually brought some stuff for you....as a...thank you?" You were so anxious, your voice went up an octave so your words sounded more like a question. Get yourself together, Y/N! Please don't look like a complete fool in front of him! A chuckle left Justin's lips as he took the pretty paper bag from you. "You really didn't have to but I shall accept it. Thank you," he said. If Justin was a cartoon character, there would be a distinctive red blush on his cheeks and hearts over his eyes. He fished around and pulled out a flower crown you commissioned from a florist nearby. Surprise was written all over his face, grinning at the crown. "Wow. You didn't have to, Y/N. Thank you." The flower crown you gave him was one made out of red peonies, the national flower of China. It must have been hard for him to adjust to Korea in such a short time so you decided on something that would remind him of home. Justin peeled his mundane white flower crown off and replaced it with his new one. The red struck a balance between his blonde locks. Reaching for your wrist, he tied the old white one around it as a bracelet. Your breath caught in your throat when his hand enclosed yours. With your face heating up, you cleared your throat. "Will I see you at the tournament next month?" You hoped he would be there. It would be a joy to see him compete. A smirk graced his lips. "Oh, you know I wouldn't miss Nationals for the world," he purred in reply, winking at you. "Will I see you?" "My category is always after yours so most likely. How about you text me your schedule? If you want to see me," you offered. Damn, that was slick. "Deal. If you promise to wear a flower crown identical to mine when you support me, so I can better identify you in the mosh pit," Justin reasoned, still smirking but if he felt as if he was going to melt into a puddle of happiness. After you punched your number into his phone, he sighed. "I would give you my training shirt to wear but that would only piss your coach off more. One of his team members, wearing a Yuehua shirt." Just the mere thought if it made the two of you laugh. "Justin!" One of his hyungs yelled. You huffed, upset that the time you talked to him was short but in a sense, you were disrupting his job. You bid him goodbye but when you had nearly stepped out of the store - now with an iced tea in hand - he shouted something. "Remember the flower crown! If not, I won't be able to see you!" 

You did end up wearing the flower crown, earning a ton of teasing from the rest of your team. Just days before the match, Seonho had managed to hack into your phone and exposed all the messages Justin sent - most of them were about the tournament and how he was anticipating it. "Awww, Y/N has a boyfriend!" He had chortled, pinching your cheeks affectionately. "Yah! Stop spewing nonsense. Y/N, who is this brat of a boyfriend? I need to meet him." Guanlin had hissed but in a playful manner. "He isn't my boyfriend!" Your reply had been instantaneous. "Justin and I aren't dating!" The redness of your face was unspeakable of. "Ahh, but he seems like he wants to date you. Good friends don't text each other 'good morning, hope you slept well and dreamt of me' with like two hundred hearts." Hui Qi simpered, unable to hide her smug grin. To that, you had no reply. Today, it appeared that your 'brat of a boyfriend' had to fight against the one who had demanded to meet him. It was like your best friend crush versus your older brother. You were torn between supporting the two competitors. When you consulted Guanlin, he dismissed it with a wave of his hand and returned to bandaging his hands. "Just be there to dry his tears when he loses." His lips curved into a sassy leer as he ruffled your hair - thankfully before you had worn the flower crown. There was no time to visit Justin in his waiting room, besides, it was filled with his teammates and Yuehua Sports School officials. You shuddered under the watchful eyes of the monster rookie team. A part of you was worried for Guanlin, Justin was not one to be overlooked. Then again, Guanlin could handle himself. A good half of the match had flown by while you were still readying for your own round. When Hui Qi called you from the room, it was nearly too late. She hastily fixed your red peony flower crown on before grabbing your hand and running to a safe spot. You felt bad for missing majority of the round but at the same time, it was painful to watch your two friends pretty much beat each other up. I hope Justin doesn't feel discouraged that he didn't see me earlier! 

Keep your head up! Keep your head up! Over the roars of the crowd and the shouts of his coach, Justin strained his ears to hear your cheers. He tried to scan the rows of spectators for you. Guanlin managed to get a few good digs at him whilst he was distracted, keeping an eye out for red peonies. Do your best for Y/N! Snap into it! He was disappointed you were not present to support either of them but forced himself to concentrate on the match. The bright red peony which Zheng Ting inked - using a marker - on his arm reminded him of why he was fighting. Oh wow, who would have expected a flower boy to be a legal fighter? Or rather, who would have expected a fighter to be a flower boy? In the mosh pit, Sewoon and Samuel's jaws had hit the floor, their eyes wide and glossy. Guanlin was playing with him, circling him like a predator. Justin did admire the older boy, he knew he was not good enough to beat him. Concentrate! He gritted his teeth and aimed a few more punches at his opponent. One was successful, the other was blocked. Just a few more minutes! Then, you can cool off, find Y/N. "Justin!" He perked up at the sound of your scream. You were there! Supporting him! Millions of butterflies erupted in his stomach in that moment. It did not matter that Guanlin had essentially taken him down and was going extremely easy on him for he knew he had won inevitably. The bell chimed, signalling the end of the round and announcing the winner. Loud screams resounded for Guanlin. Usually, Justin would be flooded with misery if he lost, especially to someone from Cube but this time, he was bubbling with triumph that someone - more importantly, you - from Cube was supporting him. You dashed to his side of the ring as soon as it had ended, calling out his name. He beamed brightly as soon as he caught sight of you running in his direction. You pulled him in for a quick, sweaty hug, rubbing his back comfortingly. "You must be sad. Losing a qualifying round to Lin." "Eh, you know I'll get through these rounds anyway. I'll see you in National Semis," he replied confidently, not letting go. A deep frown etched onto your mouth. "Uh, Justin? You do realise that this puts you one step further from the trophy? That's all you've been texting me about the whole weekend!" You shot back, pulling away and gently smacking his chest. You plucked your flower crown off your head and adjusted it to fit his. The pairs of eyes trained on the both of you were uncountable, the flashes of cameras went off every few seconds. Interaction between the two rival teams was rare. And everyone wanted a picture of Justin Huang in a flower crown. Justin had a cute, boyish grin on his face as he wrapped his arms around the nape of your neck. His soft lips met your cheek. "Oh, Y/N." "Don't you know that you're the best prize I would never deserve?"

[swearronchanel]

As per request, 2.05

You guys have been so freaking sweet and kind  to me with your feedback since I started making these ridiculous posts, it’s insane but I love it!❣️ I literally started these as a joke because my one friend who watches call the midwife didn’t pick up the phone (and bc I was under the influence whoops hahaha it happens) but now I have so much fun posting every week! I’m sure I won’t stop these any time soon (what will I do when this series is over until Christmas? Yikes lets not talk about it yet)  Anyways @marialujan22 requested I rewatch and post for 2x5 & shit it’s been a while since I’ve watched series 2 but I couldn’t say no! Besides Im in a good mood because I have 10 days till spring break & only like 8 weeks left in the semester so here we go ..

idk if I’m mentally prepared for this

THE BIKE SONG I LOVE IT

“Somewhere far away, scientist we’re working on a magic pill, rumored to make pregnancy a case of choice..” Hell yea birth control, deff a magic pill in my opinion

Crazy that it took 3 series for the pill to become a thing & then there was still lame ass government guidelines

Jenny Lee! lol I often forget about her sorry not sorry, I liked her but she left. ya no importa

I love how “mature jenny” still narrates even though her character is never even mentioned anymore #letmenarrate lol jk I like Vanessa Redgrave’s voice

“Meanwhile other scientists were trying to send humans to the moon” fuck yea Hidden Figures

If CtM went up until 1969 that’d be lit, like the episode on mad men when they watched the moon landing! Just replace them with nuns and nurses and babies & replace the liquor for tea 😂

Shit I’ve said typed so much already

SISTER MJ💕 I wanna smack myself she’s brushing her teeth & I thought of that stupid toothbrush song from last week’s episode kill me

Nora’s pregnant again uh oh

Cynthia! SISTER E! Jane! It’s been so long

My bby Trixie 💕😍 I miss her pin curls! But now she’s serving those 60s looks so I’m here for it all

“Take that off this minute before you go to hell” LMAO TRIX YOU CANT TELL KIDS THAT

lol who am I kidding I would’ve said the same

I love sister Monica Joan, id quote everything she ever says but that’s too much work

Vicar’s wife? But who was the vicar?

LMAO WAIT DOESNT SISTER MJ FAKE A HEART ATTACK??

YES SHE DID IM DEAD I LOVE HER, WELL IT WAS LIKE ANGINA BUT IDC STILL FUNNY CAUSE SHE DIDNT WANNA GO

PRECIOUS SISTER BERNADETTE 😭💕

I STILL CANT BELIEVE MY BBY SHELAGH WAS A NUN, ITS SO STRANGE TO GO BACK AND SEE HER IN THE HABIT, LIKE YOURE PREGNANT NOW, WITH DR TURNERS BABYYY!!

anyone else really wanted to know how she was going to tell Sister Julienne “um i was already done with being a nun and now im love sick, I can’t stop thinking about Dr Turner so  I gotta ditch this habit”

damn I feel so bad like she did not want another baby & had no choice but to deal with it

No Jenny, tea is not gonna help right now

And heres the lady that scammed her

How much is 2 guinnis ? Idk how to spell that u already know I’m an ignorant American

Did she really tell a married woman keep her legs closed? It Doesn’t even matter if she was married or not like who are u anyway?? I would’ve bitch slapped her too, good for u Nora

Sister MJ saying her horoscope was right, we are the same😭

Wtf is spotted dick? Also I laughed because I’m immature Lmaoo

Sister J eating the pudding, she knows how to get to sister MJ 😂 I love them

Trixie teasing Jane about the Reverend lol aw

“I can’t knit I had a heart attack this morning” ME TRYING TO GET OUT OF THINGS

8 kids in one bedroom though yikes

Cute and classic bedroom moments 😭💕

“Naughty version of eggnog” like coquito? Lol nah, coquito is the bomb

IM CRYING SISTER BERNADETTE LOOKING IN THE DOORWAY

THIS BREAKS MY HEART EVERYTIME

THEY FUCKING CLOSED THE DOOR ON HER, MY BBY. I WANT TO HUG HER 💔💔💔 she deserves the world

Who is this irrelevant ass vicars wife? “Cherrio”

I’m so sorry Nora

Ew wtf a rat just bit the baby?

“Just tell me what you want sister” SHE WANTS YOU DOCTOR

THE WAY THEYRE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER OMG IM SHOOK

WHAT THE HELL TIM WHY DID YOU RUIN THE MOMENT ?!

sister MJ wants to roll bandages, make it happen! lol I love that Cynthia and Jane unwrap them all for her 😭

Aww i love babies !! but that one with a funny nose uhh

SISTER BERNADETTE BLOWING THE WHISTLE AND CHEERING 💕 MY HEART SHE IS SO ADORABLE

Aw I wish Trixie could have another scene going through old pictures and maybe share old stories with the new nurses💔 unlikely but you know I can hope. SHE DID HAVE THAT PHOTO OF HER AND CYNTHIA ON HER MIRROR LAST SUNDAY💕

“I’m a woman on a mission” beatrix, light in my life

Curly locks lol, when I was younger I  was called Shirley temple and when I dyed my hair I was called Goldie locks.. mind u that lasted into high school 😂 I’m staying blonde for good though, I don’t think I can pull off anything else

DONT GO OUT WITH HIM TRIXIE, HE’S TRASH

Laura Main’s angelic voice ✨👼🏼

who am I kidding she’s an angel

you know what would be fun and a dream? to go out with the ctm cast and get drunk and take trashy snapchat videos singing

Gin & a hot bath??

Trixie looked him up lol, good move

BUT HE’S STILL TRASH and an asshole

Pickle knife ?

again, this irrelevant vicar’s wife? vete ya

Everyone thinks Sister MJ is senile but she knows what’s up with Sister Bernadette..

“..but is all blank sadness and continued tears”  MY HEART💔 sister Bernadette/Shelagh has spent the majority of this show crying/being sad/distressed ugh!! Laura Main plays is beautifully but I CRY!? Let her be uninterruptedly happy please 😭💕

she (and helen) ruined me tbh, I used to have dignity

Is Jenny really naive or is she just pretending not to understand??

SEE SISTER BERNADETTE IS ON SCREEN AGAIN & IS UPSET

“I almost wish I was physically ill..” okay bRb CRYIN. THIS IS WHY I CANT WATCH THESE OLDER EPISODES I CRY TOO MUCH, I DONT LIKE TO SEE HER UNHAPPY

Remember when I started the show and didn’t know it was gonna ruin my life? Or before I grew attached? Yea me neither lmaoo those were the days when I thought downton killed me. I Didn’t know what was coming 😂 still love downton though rip #downtonmoviepls

Knitting needles?? aye dios mio

HA GREMLIN TIM AND JACK

Again how much is a gunniea and how do I spell it? I could google it but I’m busy here

She was willing to sell her wedding ring and risk her life for an unprofessional abortion. DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE? This isn’t just the a period drama either. Shit is real

“Are babies more valued because they can survive or do they survive beside they are more valued?” good question sis

lol Jane was so sweet and just bounced with no word

AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE SHE WENT THOUGH, THANKS FOR THAT NZ CUT SCENE

Trixie being a babe and getting ready to do her nails 😍💕 I wish I could do mine well but I’m trash and so I pay to get them done

The cross cutting in this scene is crazy but so well done (& yes look at me using real terms lol, I took a Music in film class last semester and had to know editing techniques 😂, I did fairly well too)

I really don’t know how she survived this

My bby trixie looking gorgeous as per usual. I love her so much, Helen u kill me

NO COÑFIO TRIXIE, HE’S NO GOOD

Haha why did I not remember the Gone With The Wind reference? Cynthia was so cute, I miss her carefree and happy

FRECO MOVE YOUR DAMN HAND, YOU ARE TRASH.

HE’S FICTIONAL BUT ID STILL FIGHT HIM

my poor bby😭💔 it is not your fault , he’s trash!! But this moment between the nurses warmed my cold heart

“Matrons in charge, virgins of iron” 😭😭

Aw Earth Angel playing, ✨🎼 I highkey pop to 50s/60s pandora stations

Jenny yes it’s illegal but do you think that matters rn??

TIM AS MAID MARION LMAO

Sister Bernadette looking at Dr Turner ah omg 😭they’ve come so far.

It’s not your fault Jenny but you should’ve told someone

Sister B & Tim won 👏🏼

LMAO ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT POST “WOAH CALM DOWN IM JUST TRYNA DATE YOUR DAD”

and she’s down, and the glasses flew

“You’ve hurt your hand” “well I’m sure there’s no need to amputate” ah sister b/shelagh lowkey has some of the funniest lines she just slips them in and people miss them !!

Here it comes ..

THE MOMENT..

“Would you like me to have a look at that?” UHM YEA

No but seriously I can barely remember what I thought when I first watched this but I knew something was gonna happen because a nurse can handle her own damn cut & well you know, she was in love with him

HE KISSED HER HAND. A fucking doctor kissed a nuns hand people, how scandalous & this was THE MOMENT I KNEW I WAS CORRUPT AND WAS GOING TO HELL, I AM SATAN I WANTED THE DOCTOR TO KISS A FREAKING NUN ON THE MOUTH LIKE WTF WHO RAISED ME? MY MOTHER WANTED IT TOO SO IDK BUT THIS KILLED ME, LIKE R.I.P HERE LIES GABBY, I WAS IN THE GROUND DECEASED. I’m actual trash. Someone dispose of me in the proper bin #recyle

for real, this is when I really knew that I was never going to love any other show like this and I allowed it to ruin me

BUT HONESTLY WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? THATS A BOLD MOVE

BOLD IN GENERAL BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW IF SHE LIKES YOU BUT BOLD x1000 BC SHE IS A NUN, YOU KNOW MARRIED TO GOD, VOW OF CHASITY AND ALL THAt??

What if she would’ve freaked tf out or told sister Julienne? I don’t even know. I’ll just be grateful for how things turned out

“At this moment I only know I’m not turning my back on you because of you but I’m doing it because of him” AHHHH, DONT WORRY BBY GOD LOVES U AND UNDERSTANDS YOU LOVE HIM AND THE DOCTOR, LOSE THAT HABIT AND GO PROPERLY KISS PATRICK 😭

Sister MJ judging the baby contest is the purest thing & I need it to cleanse my disgusting soul that wants a dr to get with a nun #notsorrythough

“In Nonnatus we were good at tending other’s wounds and there were times I felt we were all each other’s children..” brb I’m crying I love that they’re like a family 😭💕💔

I’m so happy they didn’t kill Nora and she actually was happy in the end. I really wasn’t sure for a moment (obviously when I first watched lol)

“ Free reliable contraception came too late to help her, but in time the scientists triumphed. Her daughters and granddaughters lives remained transfigured, long after man left fleeting footprints on the moon.” Vanessa always knowing what to say in the end.

Lets see how the pill is going to be reintroduced this series, I’m interested  in how it’s going to play out.

I’ve said that so many times though so I’ll be done

The End.

[m-logs]

- cup ramen -

I want some right now. It’s again in the middle of the night and I’m craving noodles. BRB.

Ahh better. Big mood: add processed cheese into the cup ramen. It adds an additional creaminess/saltiness to the cup ramen and ahhhh just so good.

Anyways hi. Actually posting on here within a week. Such a record. Well I guess it’s because i’m waiting for something to get uploaded into a drive, so just killing some time. ALSO going over a set-list for a concert tomorrow. Maybe I’ll just write down my order of preference here. Maybe depends how this goes.

I was re-reading my older posts on here and I realized something, I thoroughly enjoy reminiscing through the old posts. Maybe I’ll make this a weekly thing. Kind of just write down how my week was, what happened, anything to discuss with myself. Kind of like a journal but like I’ve been saying, don’t really care if anyone reads this. 

This month feels like so many things had happened, but when I look on my calendar, it doesn’t seem like much. At the same time, I haven’t updated my calendar on time so I can’t really say much since I’ve been “busy”. Busy in a sense that I only cleaned up my room a few days ago [refer back to previous post, titled appropriately: cleaned my room]. 

A part of me wants to reorganize my room. Like it’s clean, but I feel like i can make it more functional. Firstly, I need to declutter basically most of the stuff here. Probably will do it this Sunday since apparently I don’t have anything to do that day. Will most likely make out a game plan once the declutter happens. I will also provide updates and pictures. Probably will make it a “series” here on my Tumblr lol that would be fun? In order to do this, I need to make myself accountable. So yes, seeing how my room will look after all this would be exciting to document. *gets started with planning how it’ll look like*

Will end it off here. Hope to write here soon!

[wishingfornever]

12/26/17 – No Contact:  Cobwebs

Current time is 1:14am.  I have yet to do the dishes.  Ended up procrastinating.  I’ll do it before I go to bed.

I… well, Esther saved a bunch of messages on Snapchat.  Old messages. Maybe from a year ago, before we became romantically involved perhaps?  Perhaps after as well?  Oh, it seems they were on January 18th of this year.  Her birthday.  These are things I told her.  I’ll share them now: “I wish you could know yourself as I know you.  It may not seem like it, but you’re strong.  You’re tough.  You’re resilient.  You’ve done so much, you’ve withstood so much, and you’ve overcome so much.  It may not seem like it, but I admire you.  You’re like a mouse challenging a titan and somehow you’re still standing.  You don’t need me.  you’ve never needed me.  I’m just lucky to come along for the ride.  I’m not saying you’re invincible, but I swear it seems like it.”

“If [I] were blind, I’d still rate you a 10.” “I was fantasizing about us at my parent’s ranch.  I sincerely believe you’d have a good influence on me.  I’m imagining my dad embarrassing himself trying to talk to you.  He’s been stumbling over his own words since I left for Texas.” “Team? You’re the one running the show.  I just look cute in a skirt and wave pom poms around.” I believe we have an innate hive mind.  All humans.  Like, that’s how so many inventions happen at once all over the world.  The Wright brothers with their plane? Other people were working on the same thing at the time and several actually flew.  However, they could only [fly] straight.” “You will get along with my mom.  When she was 18, she also moved out which was unheard of in Mexico.  She and my grandmother didn’t speak for sometime when she did.” “Besides, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I love most about you is your charming and affectionate posts on Tumblr because it reflects a poetic and clever mind, but it helps. I can get in a conversation with you, I can engage you [mentally], I can learn and expand.  Sex is just sex, but a beautiful mind is a difficult thing to find. I love you, Esther.  Not because you’re cute or physically attractive.  I love you because of your voice, your thoughts, your perspective and reasoning.  You’re more than a pretty face.  You’re beautiful.  Everything about you is beautiful.” The words in brackets are words that had to be changed because the original word was missing or incorrect.  Rather than explain it (because I definitely corrected it, but she didn’t save the correction) I’m just going to edit it ever so slightly.  Also did some punctuation corrections but that doesn’t require brackets.

She and her mom had a falling out.  It was sudden and she needed to get away.  Basically, no one would take her in (or at least I was under the impression) and she had nowhere to go.  People she had asked ended up flaking on her.  So, she was basically going to be homeless. I asked Adela if we could take her in and eventually convinced her. I tried to keep our relationship secret at first, but when Esther arrived, I couldn’t.  But I’ll get back to that later.

I was also living with my parents.  The reason I was at Adela’s was because she needed a housesitter and I was too depressed back home. I felt ASHAMED that I’d have to bring Esther to live with myself and my parents, but I warmed up to the idea over time.  Of course, I asked my mom to ask my dad because she’s more reasonable.  Of course, she asked and they approved.

I basically built her up.  A lot of bad things had happened to her, so I was trying to make sure she wouldn’t fall.  This was big.  She was happy.  Hopeful.  I didn’t want anything to stop that.  And I’ve always been a bit of a hard ass because my dad was a hard ass, too.  So, I told her I admired her.  And I did. Only with her have I had a breakup this bad.  She’s unique.  Everything about her, everything I’ve felt because of her… it’s been unique.

The “If I were blind” comment.  Accidentally said “you” in the original.  Because blind women aren’t attractive.  Kidding, of course.  I’d still think she were beautiful if I were blind, meaning I didn’t need her to be attractive.

Back to the ranch thing… yeah, I was scared.  I was very scared of having her there.  I wanted to leave the ranch as soon as possible but it’s so FUCKING hard to get anywhere because it’s so remote. And summer… I hate summer.  It literally drains me.  I get so depressed during the summer.  It’s bad.  It’s like the flooding of the Nile.  And my dad makes it worse.  He always makes it worse.

Whatever. The point is, I had hoped she’d help me fight the summerly depression.  I guess it was the worst depression of my life due to the event, but it was pretty bad before, too.  I hate it.  And of course, Esther says I don’t get to be depressed.  I’m not allowed to… that’s not a good enough excuse.

Ugh… her oxytocin for Dennis.

Anyways, she said we made a pretty good team but really, I gave her a ton of control.  She was doing her own thing and I was supporting her.  I wanted her to feel like she was carrying the flag and leading the charge.  That this was something she was doing herself.

The hivemind thing was me talking about how humans have similar ideas wherever they are.  It springs up within a decade.  Many historical coincidences.  Not sure why she saved it; I guess she enjoyed my philosophy.

My mom is a trooper, too.  Was hoping the similarities would inspire her.

And finally… yeah, I got very emotional.  That was all written within 10 minutes of each other so were technically part of the same segment.  Thus, I included them all together.  I don’t think Esther got in a word.  I loved her.  I know you know, but I really did.  I still do.  I believed in us.

When the event was going down and we were still on somewhat good terms… we had a temporary motto.  “In it for the long run.”  Look at us now.  She wants nothing to do with me and I’m still stuck on her. I’m still in it for the long run, but she stopped long ago.  So, it’s a journey of love that I travel alone. Masturbation is my highway.

Alright, not that funny.  Anyways, Ariel… the dog.  She kept him from getting hit by a car or something?  It was cold and he was scared and she held him and waited for the police to pick him up.  The dog refused to leave her initially but eventually went with him and was returned to his people.  So, the dog is fine and Ariel has good karma coming her way.  I’m glad for her.  :D Anyways, I’m going to turn on music and do the dishes.  I’ll fuck around with the bathrooms and laundry tomorrow.  Or later today?  Whatever, the point is I’m off.  See you in the next paragraph.  For me, it’ll be a few hours.  Good night.

And good morning.  Or, rather, mid-day.  Slept in.

So, I stayed up watching American Psycho last night.  Had the dream of the sequel.  It was a shitty dream, mostly because Max pooped in the room.  I’ll tell you more about that when we get back from grocery shopping.  Adela’s rushing me which is weird because while cleaning it up, she couldn’t have been slower.  Brb

Apparently, we’re not grocery shopping.  Max is going to the vet.  We went out just to eat.  D’oh!  The purpose of eating out is so we don’t get crappy food for the rest of the week and just pig out.  I suspect that’ll be an issue later, but whatever.

I think Max is just eating too much right now.  The food he was switched to are these BIG cans for dogs larger than him.  So, it’s discerning to say the least.

We’re trying to get the house to look presentable.  Not sure if I mentioned this, but my mom is coming out in a few days a couple days ago. Which is to say, she’ll be here tomorrow.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Whatever. I’ll try to clean the poop a bit better because she’ll get the guest bedroom.  Back when I lived on my own in Amarillo, I hated having her over.  Not to sound ungrateful, but it’s such a burden. My mom can get kind of nosy, too.  I’ll clean up my workspace, try to keep her from snooping on my writings.  Also will probably lock my computer?  Idk, yet.  I guess it won’t matter.  But, again, it’s such a hassle.  Everything must be sooooooooo presentable.  Don’t get me wrong, we clean up here but we don’t EXTENSIVELY clean everything like we do now.

She’ll only be here for ten days.  Leaving next year on the 7th. Not so long.  I’ll be sleeping on the couch and I probably won’t be on for very long.

Anyways, American Psycho… such a strange movie.  Not sure how much of it was in Bateman’s head and what wasn’t.  The scene with “Hip to be Square” reminds me of Walter.  Sounds like him.  Of course, Bale sounds like Jim Carrey a lot but also Walter.  When he says, “Yes, it is!” that is something Walter would say in a tone he’d say it in.

Walter, of course, is a little guy.  He wouldn’t pulverize someone with an axe.  Of course, he’s had a tough history so I’m sure he’s bumped into people who have certainly deserved it and maybe he wanted to, but he’s not as self-centered as the Patrick Bateman.  Walter is charitable and kind.  Just talks the same way, is all.

Honestly, though, if it wasn’t for all the drugs and murder, I don’t think I’d mind being Bateman.  I mean, he is SUCH a dick but his problem he has no financial issues.  That’s… so nice.  Financial issues suck hard.  Then again, maybe that’s why he was very into drugs and murder.  Because he had the money to afford it.

Of course, there are several theories suggesting he isn’t really Patrick Bateman and is someone who just took over his life/apartment/career and another saying he hasn’t murdered anyone which is why the characters he constantly interact with never dies.  I thought about whether he actually killed anyone at all due to that whole Grand Theft Auto scene where he was basically playing GTA and murdered a bunch of people.  Spoilers.  Like, that killing spree… it was a bit too much.  And he goes through the same building twice.  Idk, it’s a movie that makes you think which is nice.

The sequel I saw earlier this year.  It was… not the best, but it wasn’t the worst.  As I said, I had a dream about it.  Mila Kunis was just murdering people and eventually she walked away.  During, I smelled dog crap but didn’t know what it was and ignored it.  Then I woke up to Max poop all over the carpet.  D’oh!

Got water and vinegar.  Trying to get as much out of the carpet.  Did a hard scrub before we left for food.  I’m absolutely stuffed right now, still.  Went to the bathroom, too.  See, this is slowing down my weight goals.

Speaking of, today is… Tuesday?  Tomorrow, I’ll weigh myself.  Get in the habit of weighing myself every Wednesday.  Except my mom will be here… for over a week.  So, I won’t be able to measure myself because it’ll be in that room.  And I just remembered, I won’t have a nice, private place to fap.  And even if I find the time and place, my mom will probably be around the house so I can’t have noise on my porn if I choose to watch it.

My masturbation highway has turned into a no-fap detour.

Whatever. It’ll be fine.

Going to clean now.  Before I do, I found a red hair recently.  From my scalp.  I have a few red hairs in my beard, but my scalp… and this was like… damn near scarlet.  I thought it was discarded Christmas decoration at first.  I, being the vain and possibly narcissistic bastard that I am, have considered getting some feminine products. Basically the hair color changers or whatever.  Where it’s brown or black or blonde or whatever.  Various colors that hide gray hairs.  I think I also mentioned how I kind of want to get an implant in my left calf to make it look more even with the right calf.

The hair thing would be super temporary, though.  Reason being is that if I enlist, then they’ll shave my head.  No point in dying my hair if it’s going to get shaved off in about… four months?  Yeah, just about considering it’s nearing the end of December.  The calf implant though… it’d be expensive.  Like, very expensive.  Maybe military benefits would cover it?  Then again, it’d be totally cosmetic, so unlikely.

Or actually… if I get sent to ANY foreign country, I can see if I can get stationed in a country that doesn’t naturally set the medical prices too high.  But that’d mean I’d have to enlist for 4 years just to have some say.  If you enlist only for 2, they’ll send you where they need you.  With 4, you have some say of where you go.  Or maybe I can just find a way to get to Spain to get the surgery there?  Maybe take advantage of leave or something.  But I’d have to find out the price.

Just looked it up.  4.5k to 6k dollars if I intend to get it.  Then again, I only need one.  And there is a chance that I won’t be able to walk right after.  So, it might not be that expensive.  You know, I could probably just get it in Mexico.  “Oh, but the doctor’s are from a third world country and don’t know-” shut up.  No.  Just, shut up.  If I get it in Mexico it won’t be any different from the US.  The difference would be that I won’t be getting robbed.  US doctors aren’t any better than foreign doctors.  The price isn’t a reflection of quality.  That’s why capitalism is failing and the US economy has been shit.

People like to say, “Oh, why you buying a $5 coffee everyday?  Save your money and buy a house, you bums!”  I saw that in a post and it was trending for a little while but it’s dumb.  The idea of an economy is that people spend, not that they save.  If they save, then there is no money running through.  Think of the economy like a river, the more freely it runs the better.  “Free market economy talk from a commie?”  No, shut up and let me finish.

When you save money, your portion of the water isn’t running down the river.  You’re basically building a dam.  And then other people will ALSO save their money and they will ALSO build a damn.  The more damns that are built means less water going down the river.  It turns into a little stream and that’s not enough for the fish or the plants to get live and be watered so the ecosystem suffers.  So, when people aren’t spending then the economy suffers.

People don’t make enough money to afford a $5 coffee every day.  You’re being REALLY generous if you think so many people have a routine that involves spending $35 a week on coffee alone.  The majority of people in the US live in debt.  The majority of people in the US can’t afford jack shit.  The majority of people in the US are actually REALLY poor.  The entire concept of money is that it’s not infinite.  That’s why it’s valuable.

Sorry, I left to clean some toilets.  Adela isn’t back yet and it’s nearly 5.

Backing up to economics, people really should get $5 coffees.  That’s part of the economy, after all.  The people who serve those coffee need paying jobs, after all and it’s probably not paying enough for them to afford $5 coffees themselves.  Of course, they’ll probably get free coffee because coffee shops are actually really good to their employees for some reason.  Regardless, materialism is a good thing for the economy.

Went shopping.  Alone.  Adela came back and wanted to stay with Max which is fine.  She gave me a list and everything as crossed off.  Not sure I missed anything.  Toilet is broken on the floor I use.  It happened the first time I came out, too.

While shopping, I began texting Diana.  Before shopping, I was messaging Daniel.  I find him quite refreshing if not also perhaps a bit disheartening.  He’s a reminder of the event, after all.  The last link of whom I still speak with.  He is kind, though.  A better soul than Dennis or Shane.

He is quite stressed and he won’t tell me why.  Not because he doesn’t want to share but because there is a lot on his mind.  So much so that if he were to write it out for me, he joked he would get carpal tunnel.  Which is a pity.  So, I did what I normally do.  I wrote propaganda.  I tried to rebuild his morale.  It began with him asking how I was able to stay happy… every day.  He doesn’t know.  All he knows is what I show.  He only knows me for my smiles rather than the crippling emotions that hide behind my eyes.  Every now and then, I’m overwhelmed and my eyes leak, emotion dripping like blood from a fresh wound.

I’m getting awfully poetic.  Apologies, I decided to revisit the Grand Budapest Hotel.  A delightful movie.

Anyways, I told him denial.  I try to look towards the future.  Told him I have goals that I’m close to achieving.  Sometime in April, a new chapter of my life is to begin.  I didn’t tell him that I will vanish.  I didn’t tell him that I intend to escape from it all and enlist.  I didn’t tell him that I intend to bring Ariel out before I finally flee.  I smile to hide my sorrow.  I smile because I know that soon, I shall flee.  Melancholy is that of freedom; from myself and my past.

It’s not all negative.  I told him that smiles are contagious.  He smiles, the world will smile with him.  I know this because when I smile, the world will smile with me.  I also told him to find moments to just enjoy the little things and shared my Titanic reference from work. Only I laughed but that was more than enough laughter for one day.  I also sent him to a video that Ariel sent me to.  The one of the Indian guru talking about… smiles.

Diana was less sentimental.  Rather, it was more trivial questions asking about sushi and bubble tea, asked her how her day was going and how she was spending it, told me that she was watching a series with her sister and continued to remind me how close with her family she is. She asked if I had any siblings.

Of course, I told her yes.  Yes, but I wasn’t really close with any of them.

Hasn’t messaged me since then.  Probably wise.  I wonder how she sees me. I’m loud, energetic, eager, and always smiling.  That’s how the customers tend to see me.  Her?  She’s starting to see more, perhaps.  She may find it quite peculiar that I’m so happy yet so disconnected with my own family.  Perhaps she’ll see the neurotic side Esther saw or thought she saw.  I’m not even certain of my own mental stability.

Regardless, I wonder how much I should reveal to her.  Diana actually reminds me of… Dennis, ironically.  She has a My Chemical Romance sweater she wears while at work.  Guess who was really into that emo stuff back in the day.  Dennis was!  There are other traits and sort of quirks that reminds me of him.  Strange, really.

Of course, she’s not overweight.  And she’s quite funny, her personality isn’t that of Dennis’s at all.  Then again, she may be more vocal due to my being more vocal.  I don’t know enough about her to make that decision yet.  Of course, I know she has a strong family bond yet Dennis is not one for family, unfortunately.

Not trying to trash his name more than I already have, I’m similar in that aspect.  My sister has never been the warmest and my father has never been the most understanding.  When I left for Texas the first time, I drifted further away from my family.  I fear one day, my sister and two half brothers… my cousins… my aunts and uncles… my own parents.  They’ll become strangers to me.  More than they already are, now.

I need to do laundry.  It’s almost tomorrow.  I can’t help but think of Esther now.  Lately, the thought of her has become more prominent.  Perhaps it’s because her birthday is coming up.  Or because a year ago, she was all I could think about.  I suspect… maybe my love for her will grow stronger and become a far more fierce obsession than it already has been.  I worry.  I hope she’s well. I hope her porn is selling.  I hope for the best for her.

That’s all I can do.  Soon, my hope for her will fade.  My memories of her will fade.  Everything about her will be gone.  It’s unfair but it’s inevitable.  I mourn her passing as if she was taken by death himself.

[mattyslittleworld]

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Over the last week or two I’ve had to time to reflect of things that have been lingering in a negative way. But since I’ve been running fast, I’ve been pushing it aside and smothering it. I think all of this music I’ve been making, all of these collaborations, photoshoots, video shoots, traveling and just over all activation is me out running and avoiding Bepa passing away. I don’t think my mind could really handle that...ever. Everyone goes through this and everyone is stronger than me. I’m a coward. I walked away from that and never looked back and avoided it entirely. But very recently passing through the kitchen I’ll look at the family pictures instead of subconsciously turning my head. I feel it slowly coming back to me in reality like a dream becoming real. That friendship seems like a dream, like when I think of it and that dude as soon as it seems to become tangible it disappears. I get lost in those moments a few times a day. Something in my mind broke that day but in a beautiful way. I became a man. I’ve dealt with enough loss in my life to think I was good but this was a challenge. This was get up and change your life. Stop sitting around crying about these people who make fun of you, stop running around in this same circle, stop chasing your tail. Man up and do something with your life. But in the most beautiful way that was like believe in yourself. He was one of the only ones who believed in me, so bedside I had to make a promise to myself to do this shit for him. I’ve since met the most beautiful people, met a beautiful girl, and really came a long way just as a human. Me and Belv played an acoustic show in Asbury with some great people then immediately had to go to this club because we had a walk through. It was a college club on a Thursday - line around the block. Kids EVERYWHERE and lights dancing it was just so insane. We got rushed through the back door, through the kitchen and behind the DJ booth and he debuted our new single F Being Friends and it was crazy seeing ny voice go up in a club like that. It’s also so weird being a straight edge hardcore kid in this whole other world. I always thought my musical life would move forward within an underground culture but instead it flourished in a pop normie mainstream world and it’s a culture shock. So the owner of the club was feeding us all drinks, all heavy alcohol except the Red Bull’s she kept handing me. I was wired white girl sugar wasted dancing to gods plan like nobody’s business. Then we shot back to the show we played an hour before and it was all love. The juxtaposition of these two genres being parallel with each other is so funny to me I love it. Belv hit me last minute to be in this documentary about Hip Hop and the growth of it in the area. It’s with the producers of Impractical Jokers, and featured in it is Method Man, Bon Jovi, hella poppin DJs and it was a blessing. It was setup like drink champs we all sat in a circle in the back of a cigar shop. Cameras everywhere and everyone was smoking and it was just open discussion. It was wild. Belv squashed a crazy beef on camera between him and some crip and it made me happy. I don’t think a lot of those kids knew how much about rap I know and been a part of. I think they just think I’m the white kid next to Belv. But I’ve been a part of this culture since I was in middle school from rapping, to making beats on demo versions of Fruity Loops to painting graffiti on 287, freight and clean trains, to being around gang culture because I was always fighting. So when I had a strong opinion I think people were taken back. I think everyone should have a strong opinion about Shit they care about in general. It means you got passion. I felt grateful to be a part of that experience and the other documentary we are in. I didn’t really realize what dark city lights is doing because I’m always onto the next shit but I’m proud and happy it was a POSITIVE mark on this little subculture. This morning I signed some papers for my album. Put the order in for vinyl. And it has a release date. What a trip. Striking deals as an independent artist, with the same companies everybody my age is striking, as a signed artist. I learned from watching the absolute nothing these people are getting. It’s insane. Go against the grain and don’t conform. These people don’t know shit about anything and I swear they walk around like their gods knowing what’s good. I’m literally ready for Christmas. Like let’s fucking get it. Snow Christmas trees lights frank Sinatra fireplaces cute porches. Who’s going to come with me this Christmas and drive around Asbury looking at cute porches? Lmk. I’m rambling now. I’m happy. I’m drinking my pumpkin spice coffee outside typing this on my phone while I listen to music. Waiting for Rob to come by so we can kill off these two videos. After that we got a few more and were Gucci. I can’t wait to finish this song with Chad B, it’s fire. Same with Arsonal. They’re two great artists that I think are gunna be stoked when they hear this shit. I like working with people like this and offering them something they don’t already got and kinda taking a step back and looking at their catalogue and being like okay this is a hole I can fill. But you gotta be super dialed into the game to understand the threshold of what’s even possible within the realm of failure and success and where an idea could fall between those two. I dropped a flier with 4 shows I’m doing in Canada. I had an interesting outcome with that. People were hitting me up like crazy which I loved but it’s wild to think oh shit a lot of these new people are form a foundation that is built off of this new attention from the past year. They haven’t seen that what I do and been doing for 10 years is touring. So to get that reaction as if I’ve never done this was a TRIP and I LOVED it but wild. Tour is what I do and what we do and the end goal. I’ve toured 14/15 countries arguably 16 as an indie artist in 3 different genres from basements to arenas then took a year off to record and now these little dates are to just get back in the saddle. Okay robs here back to work I go. Brb. Okay I’m back. It’s 3:39 am and I’m pounding coffee in unreleased 115 merch editing all these music videos. I killed off 2 tonight. I’m a psycho and need everything to be how I envision it so I have to direct and edit everything myself. It’s such a good feeling having this shit done. I’m now watching the new Mozzy press run for his new album. I love this dude he’s such a poet it’s crazy. Pac of the modern times. I run miles to his music and when my life was down his records really pushed me to better myself. That and wins and losses by meek. So crazy. When your backs up against the wall and it feels like it’s you against the world that’s some good work to push through it. I haven’t been seeing daylight too much or having much human contact these days. I can’t wait to just get back into the world after taking care of all of this. I pray that this shit opens doors and is accepted well, if not I’m proud of it all. The other night I was driving around and ended up in Asbury and I hit the Gallery real quick and there was a sea hear now event and I walked in and Danny and Rachel told me to play a song and threw me a guitar and within minutes I was on stage with Danny and it really dawned on me how beautiful life is. How is that possible? To see music touch people. To be a part of that. To be wanted to sing. To kind hearted actions of these beautiful people is so inspiring and I’m a student to them when it comes to being the best person I can possibly be. Saturday Jesse Malin is playing the fest and I wanna catch his set then shoot up to Rahway and catch Albee Al at his jersey show. I’m stoked and happy. I’m gunna be up all night and day again. Probably going to go for a walk and listen to music. I feel inspired and I feel humbled. Stay inspired stay weird stay young and stay hungry!!!!!!!

[astheskycries]

Protected- Chapter Fourteen

(gif by @whatelsecanwedo)

When Maggie agreed to help her best friend finish preparing for an art exhibit, she wasn’t expecting to end up in the middle of a rough battle between Captain America and a shooter. She also didn’t expect to be considered a target because he saved her life and to be hunted by HYDRA agents for her involvement. Now her life is in the hands of a perfect soldier… and so is her heart.

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen 

I slowly peel my eyes open, blinking at the light shining above me, and force myself up into a sitting position.

“Careful,” Natasha says, making my head snap over to see her curled against the wall so I can only see a single green-blue eye. “You could have a concussion.”

“What happened to you?” I whisper, knowing that despite how little I know Natasha Romanoff, she isn’t the type of person to behave like this.

She hesitates before slowly uncurling, and I cover my mouth with a hand to hide the gasp.

Blood.

Everywhere- her temple, her clothes, dried on her hands. She winces as she moves, betraying what might be a broken rib, and I force a breath before asking, “Did you break anything?”

“My rib,” She hisses, confirming what I was afraid of. “Bruises on my back. Are you hurt?”

I shake my head, unsure why. “They took me from the courtyard.” I go still. “Steve. They could have him or be doing something to him. Natasha-”

“He’s not here,” Natasha reassures me, calming me slightly. “Tell me about Jonathan.”

I frown, confused.”What about him?”

Natasha forces a shaky deep breath, and I scoot over, taking my jacket off and feeling for where blood is clearly flowing before tying the jacket around the wound, trying to stop as much as possible. “He’s alive,” Natasha says quietly.

I shake my head. “HYDRA killed him. That shooter-”

The cell clicks loudly, and the door opens to reveal the shooter smirking at me as I try to slow the blood.

“She needs a doctor,” I say forcefully, trying to hide my shaking hands. “She’s going to bleed out.”

The shooter tilts his head, studying Natasha’s weak eyes. “I’ll let someone stitch it, but she can recover from blood loss on her own.”

“You’re pathetic,” I hiss, sending him my darkest glare. “No decent human being would let someone die like this.”

“And no decent human being would take advantage of someone with something to lose.” He says calmly, eyes staring straight into mine.

No decent human being would take advantage of someone with something to lose.

I fall back a little, sitting in stunned silence. “No,” I whisper.

“As long as you let yourself be attached to someone, you will always lose something.” The man steps closer to us, grinning dangerously. “I gave up attachment for power. HYDR can be very useful if you use the right people.”

I bite my lip, fighting back tears as I keep my eyes on Natasha’s. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

“You always clung too tightly to people,” He says. “Your precious Captain will come for you, and then I will take him like I took your mother.”

“I hope he kills you,” I manage, not caring about my voice being thick with tears and how I would have never wanted someone dead before.

Jonathan smiles. “I’m sure you do.” He turns, steps out of the cell, and slams the door behind him, leaving me alone to sob and pray Natasha doesn’t die.

...

Steve slowly opens his eyes, smiling as he reaches his hand over to feel for Maggie. Feeling nothing but cold sheets, he jerks up in a panic, staying completely still and silent with tense muscles. Hearing nothing, he quickly moves off of the bed looks into the bathroom with a frown, quickly moving into the living room to find it just as empty as well. He purses his lips before moving into the elevator, not worried about someone seeing him in nothing but sweatpants and a white tank top. The door opens to the floor where Maggie was held, and he instantly moves towards her cell.

“Maggie?” Steve calls, moving inside without knocking and fighting back the new surge of fear. All he can think about is her damaged body on the side of the road, or traces of her blood with no body, or her deciding to leave him for good.The panic increasing his heartbeat doesn’t waver, and he sighs, leaning against the wall. He knew Maggie didn’t want him to go, but she wouldn’t have forgiven him if he stayed behind while Natasha is missing.

Unless she convinced someone else to go in his place.

“FRIDAY, where’s Maggie?” He calls, leaning in the bathroom and scanning quickly, dread a heavy weight in his stomach.

“I’m afraid she went into the courtyard last night.” FRIDAY answers calmly. “I have no record of her returning.”

Steve’s eyes land on the corner of her bed, and he sees the small corner sticking out from under the mattress. He instantly moves and grabs it, reading it silently.

I found this with the other things they took from you. Tony put some restrictions on it, but I made sure you could still talk to your friend. I would call her soon; it looked like she’d been trying to talk to you for a while.

- S

“She saved it,” He says quietly. He grips the note tighter and turns, marching towards the elevator. “FRIDAY, call the Avengers into the meeting room in five minutes. We’re tracking them down. Both of them.”

After a quick change of clothes, he steps into the conference room, instantly drawing the attention of his team: Wanda, Sam, Tony, Rhodey, and the Vision.

“No one went after Natasha yet, right?” He asks, using his authoritative voice.

Tony frowns. “I thought you were?”

Steve sags slightly. “That’s what I thought.” He moves to stand at the head of the table, taking a moment to consider his words. “Maggie is gone.”

“What happened?” Wanda asks instantly, ignoring the other exchanging glances.

“Either she was taken or she left on her own,” Steve says strongly. “Hopefully not to go after Natasha.”

“She wouldn’t,” Tony says firmly. “She trusts you to find her.”

“She’s stubborn,” Sam glances at Steve, as if making sure he wouldn’t offend him. “If it keeps her from losing someone else, she might try.”

Steve’s heart becomes slightly heavier. Sam only helped to bring her in, but he still knows the crucial detail Steve was hoping to ignore. “FRIDAY, play the video for around when Maggie went outside.”

The video plays on the table, and everyone watches in silence as a large figure slips behind her, holding a cloth over her mouth and easily scooping up her limp body.

He almost sags with relief. She didn’t go after Natasha, but she’s still in danger. She was trusting him to protect her, and now-

“Cap,” Sam says sharply, drawing him out of his thoughts.

Steve nods to him once before taking a breath. “With both of them captured, we need as many as possible to invade the base and bring them in. We don’t know who else they may take or how long they have.” He swallows a small lump at that, but presses on. “Suit up and get ready. We leave in ten minutes.”

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Protected

@pitabread79​ @my-drowning-in-time​ @a-person-unlabled​ @fallenoutofrose​ @nanibon​

[mysdrymmumbles]

An Unusual Plight

This is a reworked version of an old piece I wrote while I was in college, detailing one of my more horrifying adventures. Today’s adventures fighting cockroaches and centipedes reminded me of this, and I remembered that I like writing creative nonfiction, lol. 

The raiding mentioned is for world of warcraft. It’s not a big part of it. 

Word Count: 1809

Warning: Really gross insects and their demises. 

It was a lovely Autumn evening in late October. The leaves were in their full glory, flaunting their colors, and the air was just getting that crisp edge that makes one want to bundle up and cuddle with a loved one. A magical time of year, to be sure.

However, none of that mattered to me.

I was in a raid.

Karazhan, to be precise.

We were preparing to take down the second boss—well, attempting to for the nth time—when suddenly, I noticed something moving from the corner of my eye.

It was too close to be those gorgeous leaves outside, shifting in a passing breeze, and my dorm room was a single, so it’s not like I had a roommate who might be doing something.

Puzzled, I turned my head and came face to face with a dime-sized spider dangling its flaily little legs just above my shoulder.

I do believe that the confrontation left the spider with the same, 'Oh, shit' feeling that overwhelmed me, because it immediately made a break for the ceiling.

Hastily typing a ‘brb’, I lunged for my can of Pledge—it gets rid of way more than just dust—and sprayed the little bastard. Ignoring the twinge of guilt as it dropped to the floor, little lungs filling in toxic fumes or whatever, I stomped the life from it and went back to my raid.

A few hours later, I again found myself in front of my computer, aimlessly surfing the internet until I was tired enough to sleep.

And then... it happened.

Again.

A movement caught in the corner of my vision. A large unidentifiable spot blocking out part of the pale wall. Turning my head, I again was confronted by a spider hovering just above my shoulder with its creepy little legs all flaily and awful. Again, the feeling of horror was mutual and again the spindly creature made a run for the ceiling.

This time, though, it was different.

The spider was too big.

I panicked.

In a second, it had returned to the light fixture from whence it came, and I couldn't find it. Frantically, I grabbed my Pledge and began scanning the ceiling. Surely it hadn't gotten far. I'd only taken my eyes off it for a second.

Was it running across the ceiling? How fast could it move? Was it descending on my bed as I searched above my desk? Was it descending on my head? Was it already on me? Why the hell were there two gigantic spiders in my room? Were there more? Were they already taking over my room? Hiding in my shirts and drawers? Crawling through my sheets? Was that spidery death I'd always feared finally coming to be?

Just as I was beginning to run through the names of friends that might not mind being called at one in the morning to come and help me find the instrument of my demise, I saw a flitting movement on the light fixture.

So.

It hadn't left it at all, but rather, had just hid there, hoping I would forget its presence.

There would be no such luck.

There was no way I'd ever sleep again knowing such a large, creepy thing could descend upon me on a whim and... do something creepy. Like crawl on me. Or bite me.

Ration crept into my mind for an instant, reminding me that supposedly there were no poisonous spiders in Vermont.

So?

Who says this was a native spider? Maybe it traveled here from somewhere else? Maybe the spiders were out to get me for killing that one the other day.

No, this creature and I could not coexist. Brandishing my Pledge, I sprayed it and it fell from the ceiling, this time, onto my books. As it writhed, half on the book, half off, I realized that with a simple push, the book would finish the job.

Did I want spider guts on my text book?

I didn't have time to waste on such thoughts. Any second it could recover, and I might lose it again. I'd learned before how easily these creatures took advantage of such hesitation.

Jabbing the book forward, it slammed against the wall, and the spider stopped its flailing.

It was over.

Or so I thought.

Two days passed, during which I found my left ankle had become swollen.

How strange.

I hadn't over exerted myself. I was doing nothing different. My ankle didn't hurt or itch. What if...

What if one of those spiders had gotten to me... before I'd known they were there? What if this swelling was a result of a spider bite? Would it get worse? It wasn't getting better.

During this time, I tried desperately not to think of my friend's aunt, who had a spider lay an egg sac in her ear lobe and how she had to get her ear lobe removed. I couldn't lose an ankle.

Not to spiders.

A bus, maybe.

But not spiders.

That would be letting them win.

After a trip to the ER, in which the doctors dismissed my fear of being bitten—much to my relief—I returned to my room and attempted to resume my usual patterns....

Though in the back of my mind I still feared opening my door to see hundreds of spiders dangling from the ceiling at different heights and I still scanned my ceiling before going to bed, my life began to return to normal.

In fact, I had almost completely gotten over—or as far over as I'll ever get—the whole incident when suddenly, as I was heading toward the door of my room to get ready for bed, I saw something move in the corner of my eye.

No!

They were back!

How?

Why?

What had I done to displease the Spider Gods so?

Whirling toward the movement, ready to face the third abomination trespassing in my room, I realized it was not a spider.

It was... it was...

What the hell was that?

A large black... thing.

The questionable creature moving across my wall was like 3 1/2 inches long and maybe an inch wide.

What sort of hellish creation could be such a size and still climb on a wall?

Edging forward, I soon realized that the majority of what I had first assumed to be one large mass... was legs.

So many legs.

The centipede continued on its way, and I whirled around, looking for my ever faithful can of Pledge. Turning back, my heart nearly fell from my chest.

It was gone.

Christ, that wall was right next to my bed. Was it moving toward my sheets? Did it get there already? How fast do centipedes move? How the hell did it get that big? What the hell is wrong with bugs in Vermont?!

Much to my relief, it didn't take me long to find the critter crawling aimlessly along the baseboard of my room.

I eyed it.

And put the Pledge down.

Pledge worked on spiders. But I didn't know what would happen here. Would it be able to run behind something before I could kill it? That would be problematic. Turning again, I scanned my sparse shoe collection. Why did everything have to have tread? If I used the wrong shoe, the demon-spawn could just maneuver into a crevice and then I'd be holding it up.

Picking a shoe I felt had worn enough tread, I lashed out at the trespasser. I missed, crushing some of its legs off, and it turned, running at a hindered speed for cover.

However, for an instant I was frozen in horror. The disembodied legs kept twitching on my floor, a life I had never seen before rushing through them.

My ration stepped in, slapping me to awareness, and assuring me that because the little creature moved so quickly the momentum must still be in the legs and that it was not, in fact, an actual demon spawn.

That was all the explanation I needed to gather my wits and again locate my adversary. Another quick thud with the shoe, and it was over.

The disembodied legs continued to twitch for few seconds before growing still, the legs attached to the body following suit.

My mind reeled.

Were there more centipedes? There had been two spiders.... Where had this one come from? How did it get so big? Really, what the hell was up with that? I was on the second floor... how does that work? Had that thing run over my ankle and bitten it, making it swell before? Was this creature the culprit? Centipedes are poisonous, aren't they? Fuck. I couldn’t deal with poisonous stuff.

I decided to leave the centipede’s body where it lay as a testament to any other trespassers that might attempt to take over my room… and partially because it was just really, really creepy, and I was scared the legs would move again.

If these creatures were planning an invasion of my room, I would not fall so easily.

I would put up a fight.

After completely clearing off my bed and thoroughly examining each sheet and pillow before replacing it, and scouring the walls, ceiling, and carpet for any signs of movement, I finally determined that my room was safe again and allowed myself to attempt sleep.

It was no easy task, and I was paranoid every time a hair brushed my shoulder or a toe itched, but I managed.

I was again getting over the buggy encounter when my friends again asked me to raid with them. Not thinking much of it, I settled down at my desk, and we started off.

And then... I saw it.

That all too familiar twitch of movement in my peripheral vision. That dark splotch blocking out part of the wall. That stark realization that the war was far from over.

Turning my head in a mixture of disbelief, horror, and dismay, I stared at a small centipede as it scuttled along my wall.

Had it not seen the other’s corpse? Was it rising in some sort of challenge?

Was it a forerunner for the forces to come?

Thinking quickly, I took my cell phone and smashed it against the creature. After wiping away its corpse, I stared at the tiny stain it had left on my wall, and my gaze slowly drifted over to one of the larger stains that I had noticed on my first day moving into my room....

My god.

I had dismissed those stains as college mishaps. It had never occurred to me that they could be remnants of battles past.

Staring at those dark splotches, so much larger than the one the little centipede had made, I couldn’t help the growing horror building up inside me.

Was it over?

…Or was it just beginning?

[astheskycries]

Protected- Chapter Eight

When Maggie agreed to help her best friend finish preparing for an art exhibit, she wasn’t expecting to end up in the middle of a rough battle between Captain America and a shooter. She also didn’t expect to be considered a target because he saved her life and to be hunted by HYDRA agents for her involvement. Now her life is in the hands of a perfect soldier… and so is her heart.

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven

“How is she?” Steve asks, standing beside me with his arms crossed. I’m sitting on a metal table, and a man with brown hair and eyes is moving away from me.

“She’s fine.” The doctor- or who I assume is the doctor- says calmly, turning to face him. “But I’ve told you, I’m not that kind of doctor.”

“You’re the doctor I trust,” Steve says calmly. “Maggie, this is Dr. Banner.”

He nods once. I stay silent and avert my eyes.

Steve offers me a hand down, and when I move to get down by myself he grabs my hips and lifts me up before setting me down.

“I was fine,” I protest, still following him as he leads me out with a hand on my back.

“I know,” He says calmly, stepping into the hallway where Natasha is waiting. “She’s fine.”

Natasha nods once, completely focused. “We need to decide what to do next if they went after her.”

“I heard the name Jonathan,” Steve says, making me tense. “Maybe he has something to do with them.”

“Not anymore,” I say calmly.

Both turn to look at me. “Not anymore?” Steve asks in his Captain America voice, a hard edge to it.

I bite my lip, avoiding their eyes.

“Maggie,” Natasha says coldly, and I glance up as Steve sends her a glare.

“Jonathan is someone I used to know,” I say quietly. “If they killed him, he either got in their way or they decided they no longer need him.”

“How did you know him?” Steve asks calmly, his eyes almost soothing.

I hesitate. “He was an old friend,” I say quietly, not completely lying. Steve frowns, and before he can say anything I add, “We lost contact a long time ago. I didn’t know anything happened to him.”

Steve tilts his head, eyes curious. “You broke it off?”

I bite my lip. “It’s a long story.”

Steve frowns, clearly wanting to push the issue, but Natasha steps forward. “Why would they go after you?”

I shake my head helplessly. “I don’t know. I think it’s just because-” I cut myself off, not wanting to cause any problems.

“Because?” She prompts, raising an eyebrow.

I wince, looking at the ground. “Because Steve is trying to protect me. They know they can target his sense of duty by attacking the civilian he’s trying to protect.”

Natasha nods, as if it makes sense. “We’ll keep you inside for as long as possible. That way we can make sure they don’t come after you again.”

I nod once, and Steve puts a hand on my lower back again before leading me down the hall. I relax at the warmth from his hand, most likely the serum’s doing, and I try to think of something to say.

“You said you couldn’t dance, right?” Steve asks suddenly.

I blink. “Yes,” I say carefully.

“I think we should try,” He says calmly.

I don’t say anything, waiting for him to tell me it’s a joke, but it never comes. “I don’t really have anything to wear to go dancing,” I say quietly.

“You don’t have to,” He stops outside of my door, turning to face me. “Just come.”

I hesitate for a long moment. “Ok,” I say quietly, hoping I’m right about his reasons.

He smiles beautifully, making me scold myself for thinking that way. “I’ll see you in my gym,” He says gently. “Meet me tonight at six.”

I force myself to nod, and he disappears down the hall, leaving me to release a breath and gain a little more air before slipping into my room. I instantly see my phone on the desk, and I see a note next to it.

I found this with the other things they took from you. Tony put some restrictions on it, but I made sure you could still talk to your friend. I would call her soon; it looked like she’d been trying to talk to you for a while.

- S

I bite my lip and fold the note carefully, slipping it under the mattress before turning back to my phone and checking the time.

I have three hours.

I nervously grab the phone and dial her number.

“Maggie!” Zoe yells instantly, making me wince. “Where are you?”

I glance around nervously. “It’s a long story. Steve Rogers took me to the Avengers compound for safety. I can’t tell you much, but-”

“If Captain Rogers is trying to protect you, I’m not arguing,” She says flatly. “I heard they may have found his friend. True or not true?”

I pause. “I have no idea,” I admit helplessly. “I hope so; he deserves it.”

“Sounds like you’re getting attached,” Zoe says knowingly. “I don’t blame you. Does he know about Jonathan yet?”

“I’d rather not tell him unless necessary.” I say honestly. “He knows he’s an old friend I lost touch with.”

“Hmm,” Zoe says disapprovingly. “Tell him soon.” I don’t answer, and she presses on. “Just tell me when you come back, ok?” There’s yelling, and then my best friend curses. “I have to go. Stay safe,” She hangs up before I can say anything, and I sigh, setting it on the table before dropping on the bed, wondering what I’m going to do being alone with a super soldier.

…

I take an unsteady breath as I step into the gym, seeing everything pushed against a wall and an old record player across from me, playing a song from the 40s. Steve is standing in front of it, dressed in his old military uniform, and I feel extremely underdressed.

“Wow,” I whisper, making him smile beautifully.

He slowly moves closer to me, offering his hand. “Would you like to dance?”

I cautiously take his hand, and he gently tugs me against him, one hand on my waist and the other holding mine, and he easily leads me into the slow song.

“I thought you said you couldn’t dance?” I ask, staring up into his eyes.

He chuckles, pulling me closer. “Anything for my best girl,” He whispers, making me blush furiously against better judgement.

“Liar,” I whisper. “I bet you use that line on all of the girls.”

He chuckles again, tilting his head down so his lips are by my ear. “Only one,” I feel him smirk as I involuntarily shiver, and he whispers, “Just follow me.”

I close my eyes and rest my head in the crook of his neck, relaxing to the sound of him humming along and letting him lead me across the makeshift floor.

For once, I don’t think about his motives. I just feel.

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