#kids are so funny

[yiddishlore]

Yesterday I was informed by a 7 year old that my name is now Tzipora because “you have teeth and Tzipora had teeth."

[gaskarth]

middle schooler: you have a gf?

me: no i don't have a gf

middle schooler: how old are you

me: i'm 24

middle schooler: damn you 24 and no gf? that's sad as hell.

midder schooler: you lonely?

me: no i'm not

middle schooler: do you like ms [coworker]? do you ever hang out?

me: yes i like her, she's a good person to work with! and no, we've never hung out outside of work. i've only hung out with mr [other coworker] outside of work. i went to his birthday party!

middle schooler & her friends: ooooooooooh *kissing noises*

[bisexualchaosdemon]

Me: Look! Can you see the moon?

5y/o: Yeah! Why is it half in and half out? [It's a gibbous moon tonight]

Me: Well, we can only see the moon because of sunlight bouncing off the earth. And when–

5y/o: Wait, wait, wait. You care too much.

💀💀💀

[ibrithir-was-here]

Random things The Nephew has said :

"Lady and Genl'men, welcome to my property!"

Sister: "where did you find that hermit crab?" Him: "Human eyes are so fun, cuz you can see anything!"

"Black holes are far away from our galaxy!!"--very first thing said upon waking up, absolutely apropos of nothing

Sister: "Baby am I beautiful?" Him: "No, Saturn is beautiful"

"Earth is in the Milky Way GalaxyCandybar!"

"How come lizards are always having piggyback rides?"

[intothestacks]

Adventures in Librarian-ing

I remember one time this little kid (either Kindergartener or Grade 1, can't remember) came up to me telling me very very seriously how he was sharing a secret with me.

And I was like "Oh?"

And they moved closer and went "There's a magic book in this library. Can I show you where it is? But don't tell anyone."

And I, of course, played along and very solemnly swore to not tell anyone about the secret magic book in the library.

[apollos-boyfriend]

obsessed with the little kid on the airplane who i overheard excitedly telling their parent(s) “i know big words too! like hive mind!” so fucking real kiddo

[the-exasperated-idealist]

Not saying writers are weird, but younger me had an OC who was a police sketch artist who got all beat up by the bad guys, because they were so good at their job, and beating up people is what bad guys do (by 12 year old logic).

Which isn't so bad.

Until you get to the point where this character is bleeding out, and asking the person loading them onto a stretcher for a pen; which, they obviously refuse. OC proceeds to execute a portrait of the perp. WITH. THEIR. OWN. BLOOD.

On their white T-shirt

(Because of course, they just happened to be wearing white)

AS THEY'RE BLEEDING OUT.

Cut to the detective on scene recieving said blood portrait and casually going yep. i've seen it all now.

12 year olds are wild man. I can't even.

[barbie-estereotipica]

that time when a 6 year old fan sent in a cassette recording of his own episode for Dexter's Laboratory and the producers made it into an actual episode

[maaikeatthefullmoon]

I love my 8yo’s eclectic playlist requests. Classic kids pop, the Doors, Chemical Brothers, Wham!, orchestral, she’s got a bit of everything.

Only thing she won’t allow is for me to dance around to it.

I still do it, anyway. 😏

[silvermoon424]

My 4yo niece is the funniest person I know, for real

[st4rfckerz]

HELP my 7 year old cousin asked to scroll through my photos. She saw a picture of 2022 Hayden at the Obi Wan premiere and goes “Ewww, he’s so ugly. What’s wrong with his neck?” DEAD😭😭😭

LMAOOO

[gaskarth]

some highlights from working at the daycamp

[captain-legarde]

My baby sister is so creative, today she told me that one of her dolls was adopted by two boy owls (how progressive!) named Humphrey and Mo because her alcoholic parents abandoned her in a volcano 😭

[norelationtoatticus]

My toddler has recently developed strong preferences for what kinds of apples she likes. No green ones. Honeycrisp and Gala are good. Pink Ladies are her favorite. But the skin is a little tough on those, so she has trouble eating them unless I peel them for her. And the way she asks for this is... um... interesting? This sweet 2 year old baby just walked up to me and said...

"I wanna eat a lady with the skin peeled off, mama!"

So. There's that. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the kitchen, flaying an apple.

[sotwk]

My 2-year-old has come up with a new word.

Tooping. As in, "Mommy, I'm tooping!"

Toots and poops. This is my life in a household of boys.

I'm gonna call Oxford with a Word of the Year suggestion now.

[latenightchicken]

The kids I babysit told me about Encanto.

This one is the grandpa

And this one is evil.

I’m learning a lot today.