#keto weekend

[alchemistc]

Tommy ignores the knock at his door. He's in day three pajamas and the only person who might make the effort to check in on him is his exes best friend. Which.

The knocking continues.

It's getting louder.

There's a Kings game on in the background and he's been elbow deep in the Jeep manual he'd finally cracked open in some sort of weird, fucked up pattern of mourning.

Tommy's never gonna buy a fucking Jeep. He hates them. You own one for more than five years and more than half the parts are replacement parts.

He's been staring at a diagram of the timing belt for half an hour, at least. The last thing he remembers about the game is Kuemper letting in three goals on five shots and somehow the Kings are up two, now, and there's still 25 minutes of game time left.

Tommy reaches for the remote. Turns the volume up.

The knocking returns less than a minute later.

---

There's a box of odds and ends tucked under the table in his entryway. He avoids looking at it. He knows there are a few things missing from it and he really doesn't want to examine what he'll have to do to avoid giving it to Eddie tonight. He cut the cords, he shouldn't be lingering watching the frayed edges sway in the wind, clutching his line like there's anything braced on the other side of it.

Evan's oldest, softest LAFD hoodie, the one that's technically too small for both of them but has stretched shockingly evenly and is definitely not sitting unwashed at the bottom of Tommy's laundry basket. The program from a recital of Denny's they'd stopped by to support him for, on their way out of town for a long weekend. Evan's stupid keto bread and the milk frother he'd left behind three months ago and never bothered to grab because he had more than one.

Whoever is at his door is still fucking knocking, and suddenly Tommy doesn't feel like being polite. He'll shove the box in Eddie's arms and tell him to fuck off and close the last few remaining open doors he has to this.

Only when he swings the door wide it's not Eddie on the other side, and the box nearly takes out whatever Evan - Buck, Jesus Christ - has in his own arms.

Not a Tommy box - too small for all the shit that he'd left behind. He misses the house slippers that had had a permanent spot tucked under the left side of the bed.

Tommy flinches, reels away, tries to shove the box away before Buck can see its contents.

"What are you doing here?" Even tone. No quiver in his voice. He's been called rude and dismissive for less.

Buck scowls. Hefts the rectangular dish in his hands and shoves past Tommy before Tommy can blink.

It's silly to say he chases after him, down the hallway towards the kitchen, but he's not exactly following along behind at a casual leisurely pace.

The glass pan slams down on his kitchen counter and Buck spends a minute staring at the calendar he was only getting two months out of because he couldn't look at the one with all Buck's notes penned in anymore.

"Wow," Buck says, and shifts his weight awkwardly.

"What are you -?"

"Jee and I made you birthday cupcakes," Buck says. His voice is hard. Angry. Hurt. "Happy birthday, asshole."

---

He cracks the lid and there are only three cupcakes inside. Tommy forgets himself. Raises a brow, amusement rolling over him pleasantly, prepared to tease him, but then he catches the set of Buck's legs and the curl of his mouth and the tight way his arm tucks itself back in against his belly, a protective gesture that reminds Tommy very effectively what this is.

"Why?" Tommy wonders aloud, and Evan's scowl deepens.

Buck's scowl.

God.

"We've been planning it for weeks." Something flashes across his eyes before he schools his features. "Jee made me promise to bring you some."

"She must not be a skilled baker," Tommy jokes. "If these are the only ones that made it."

Evan's expression twists. "I ate most of them."

The frosting looks fresh. No creases in the paper cup holding them together.

"I had to make a new batch of frosting because I used some of it for -." He cuts himself off. Looks like he'd like to throw it in Tommy's face but can't quite force himself to hurt Tommy.

It hurts as much as he'd expected, anyway.

The world is a small place. It's not the first time he's had to speak to an ex when he didn't want to. It's never pleasant.

This is worse. The cut and run is supposed to give him time.

Evan Buckley has been an ache behind his ribcage for months, now, long before he'd made that final decision. He'd known it was too little too late. Buck's gonna be the shadow other men see behind his eyes for years.

Buck's apparently found and slept with someone within the week and a half span from Tommy walking out to his sad shitty mopey birthday.

That he'd forgotten about.

Tommy leans in. Picks up a cupcake. Licks a stripe through the frosting and makes a face when he realizes it's buttercream.

"The ones you were supposed to get had the whipped cream one you like," Buck says, accusingly.

That somehow stings just a little bit extra.

Tommy pulls back the paper, takes a bite. There's raspberry filling inside, and Tommy can feel tears prickling at the edges of his eyes, because when he'd told Evan about how his grandma baked he'd been thinking of Evan being a grandparent, the kind of shit he'd forbidden himself from imagining with anyone he was dating years ago.

"Thank you," he manages, and Buck frowns.

"He thought the whipped cream was too sweet." And Tommy probably deserves this but he's not particularly in the mood.

"Cut it out, Buck."

Buck rolls his jaw. "I just figured you'd wanna know how it's going. Maybe I could tally up the hookups for you, count them all up by gender and stamina and opinions on how I should feel and act and fall for someone. Find out if I'm actually gay enough to be a man's last."

---

The rest of the cupcake kind of collapses and oozes as Tommy smacks it down on the counter. He takes thirty seconds to pull the other two cupcakes out before he's grabbing the too-large fake Pyrex and turning heel. The keto bread goes in the pan. Then the milk frother.

Tommy yanks the recital program off the fridge and tosses it in the trash.

Buck almost looks triumphant.

"The box under the side table has the rest. You can see yourself out."

He actually does exactly as he's told, and Tommy listens to his footsteps drift off, shoulders hunched in and the breath tight in his throat. He'd been cruel, it was only fair Buck got a few final kicks in.

Tommy sucks in a breath and blinks away the moisture at the edges of his vision.

The footsteps take a heel turn at the side table and turn right back around.

"This isn't everything."

Tommy half expects some panned comment about how Tommy's got his heart - the kind of silly shit he'd say to a dead outlaw.

"My sweatshirt," Buck says, and Tommy freezes.

He could lie. He could pretend he had no idea where it was. Claim he didn't remember it even being here, because that particular piece of clothing did have a tendency to travel.

He doesn't fucking want to hand that one over.

Buck smirks, like he's caught the crack, and is looking for ways to exploit it.

"I own my own house!" Tommy says, and it's a terrible launching point but Buck latches on.

"You just left, Tommy! I know I jumped the gun, Tommy, but you didn't even - you just left! I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry I didn't know I was into men until you. I'm sorry you had to be my first, I'm sure that must have been such a burden for you."

"That's not fair."

"You didn't even give me a chance. That was - I'm so angry with you, Tommy. I'm so fucking mad."

"I know."

"But that's what you planned for, right? That's - you ripped the bandaid, Tommy, except there's a whole fucking untreated stab wound right underneath and it's still bleeding, Tommy."

"Did you even make this round of cupcakes with your niece?" It's better to keep his family's names out of his mouth. Just keep those ties cut.

Buck looks livid. "No, you idiot, I whipped up a tiny batch of this recipe just for the excuse to see you and - and tell you what a stupid, awful coward you are."

"That's not f-." He isn't sure whether Buck is being facetious about the small batch thing or not. He doesn't have any time to think about it.

"My sister and Chim are having another baby. Bobby and Athena are probably gonna host Christmas this year. Eddie shaved off the mustache and he's, like, dancing now, I guess. Hen and Karen are good for the first time in -." He shakes his head. Stares at Tommy. Tommy can't quite hide from that gaze. "We were good, Tommy. We were - you loved me."

He'd never said the words. Neither had Evan, but they'd both known. Both felt it. Tommy let it go too far, did it scared for longer than he usually would.

"It's not like that just went away when I walked out, Evan," Tommy hisses, and then regrets it immediately.

Evan has spent most of this visit pushing, pressing, digging fingers into the wound to make it hurt.

Evan goes silent now, reeling back a little. He seems shocked that Tommy had admitted it.

"I want you to go," Tommy says. "I need you to go, Buck."

It was the right dagger the first time, but apparently it's only effective once.

"I love you too, you know." His voice is soft. Tommy can't meet his eye. "And I hate you. I hate you even though I know that's what you wanted but I love you too much to not hate you out of spite."

Tommy knows if he caves it's done. He's signing himself over to whatever fucked thing will end them a week, a month, five years, two decades from now.

"Go home, Buck. Hate me there."

---

He goes in for the kill.

"I called Abby, two nights ago."

Right for the jugular. No survivors.

"She laughed for like twenty minutes, and then she tried to get me to chat about our sex life for comparison, and then she was shocked silent for a full minute when I wouldn't." Because Evan had always been a little too open about those details. "She also told me she forgave you but she doesn't think you ever forgave yourself."

Tommy agrees. For all that they'd been terrible for each other, they'd known how the hell to take care of one another like no one's business.

"I want you to go," Tommy says, steady, quiet, nearly a snark for how deep his voice goes to hide the tremor in it.

Buck cocks a hip against the doorframe. "I want my sweatshirt."

The breath that escapes him is shaky, but her think he hides most of it behind the hand over his face, the finger pinched at the bridge of his nose.

"I can't do this."

"Exactly how many men and women do I have to fuck before you believe the future I'm looking at is with you?"

"All of them! None! It was a stupid thing to say and it's not what I meant and I can't do this."

Buck spins on his heel. Grabs the box he'd set aside and hefts it up into his arms. "I'm coming back for my sweatshirt," he says. "You let me know whether you want to talk about the data points of the sexuality spreadsheet or about us."

"There is no us, Buck." His voice sounds defeated even to himself.

"If that was true you'd just give me the stupid sweater and be done."

Tommy sits in silence. He does not get up to retrieve the hoodie. Buck is still angry, but his smile is wide and bashful.

Tommy listens to his footsteps trail down the hall, towards the door, out of it. He hears the Jeep's ignition catch, the wheels roll off the drive.

He realizes he'd left the goddamn Jeep manual open on the timing belt page, right there on his side table where he'd pointed out the things he wanted Evan to take to clear him from his life.

---

There is someone knocking at his door.

Tommy doesn't quite ignore it.

He hid the sweatshirt in one of his toolbox drawers when Evan texted him this morning to let him know he'd be over with a six pack and a pot of chili.

There's a zero percent chance Evan's getting that sweatshirt back, tonight.

[girlsdads]

tagged by @annebd for WIP wednesday friday... instead of a WIP snippet have something that i don't really know what else to do with but i didn't hate so :-)

Max’s phone lights up with Daniel’s name while he’s sitting in hospitality the morning of race day. It’s face-up on the arm of the sofa—Max watches as it catches the eye of Lawson next to him. Possessiveness rises like bile in his throat. He snatches the phone as quickly as he can, cradles it to his chest like that would erase the letters of Daniel’s name from Lawson’s memory.

“Whatever, mate,” Lawson quips, rolling his eyes. Like anyone was talking to him, anyway. Like Max gives a fuck if he’s here or not. Like they’re mates, and he’s not someone Max is contractually obligated to be cordial to.

“Clean up your crumbs, when you are finished,” Max says as he stands, sweeping his gaze pointedly over the spray of chocolate chip muffin debris covering Lawson’s lap and the sofa cushion beside him. He doesn’t wait for Lawson’s response before stalking from the room. He thinks about the stacks of keto-friendly protein bars going stale back in his motorhome and hates Lawson that much more.

Max waits until he’s closed the motorhome door behind him to open Daniel’s text.

It’s stupid, he knows, to want to do this in private. Everyone knows he talks to Daniel still, probably no one would think it strange or pathetic for Max to be texting him now. Daniel had said—Max had known he wouldn’t be here, this weekend, or any weekend. Max understands, in his own way, despite how bereft he always feels, during.

But. It is a race day and Daniel is texting him. Daniel hasn’t texted on a race weekend since, well—since. He had facetimed the day after Brazil, relaxed and happy and congratulating Max from New York. They keep a running conversation during off weeks, Daniel sending picture after picture of himself with arms around his friends, some Max knows, some he doesn’t. Max saves the photos to a hidden folder on his phone, crops them all so it’s only Daniel. Sometimes it leaves him missing an arm, or two, but he can’t stand to see Daniel with all these people who aren’t Max. In turn, Max sends him videos of the cats, memes he hopes will make Daniel laugh, updates on the funny-looking bird that has been building a nest on Max’s balcony.

(That’s my—what’s the little animal friend that witches have—my familiar, Maximus! I sent him to watch over you, obviously. Be nice to him.) That message had gone into the secret folder, too.

Race weekends are radio silence. Max has come to terms with that, knows it isn’t personal, that it’s an open wound Daniel is nursing. So for Daniel to reach out, today of all days, Max can’t help the stab of yearning in his belly. It could be an important day, for Max, maybe Daniel decided—maybe he’s said he’s hopped a plane, he’s driving out from LA, he’ll be here before the chequered flag—

Max couldn’t bear it if anyone else were around, if that’s not what Daniel’s message says. Even alone, he feels like a hermit crab that’s outgrown its shell, hope leaving him soft-bellied and vulnerable.

He swipes open his and Daniel’s message chain.

Daniel’s not coming to Vegas. At least, that’s not what he’s texted.

The text is a picture. Max’s eyes are drawn immediately to Daniel, though he’s only in about one quarter of the frame. If he was trying to take a selfie, he did not do such a good job--it's mostly a shot of the dusty-red ground, Daniel's beautiful face peeking in from the top corner. He’s wearing his dirt biking clothes, sweat darkening the pits of his long sleeves where his arm is lifted to make a thumbs-up. His pinky still doesn't quite fold in next to the rest of his fingers. Max wants to kiss the careful bend of his knuckle.

It's a few long moments before Max even registers what's etched into the earth behind Daniel. It is very obvious, then, why Daniel is sending this now. There in the California dirt, Daniel has used a stick or maybe even one of his long, lovely fingers to write 3 + 1 = 4. A wobbly heart is drawn around the whole thing.

Max is infinitely grateful for the lack of prying eyes as he sinks slowly to the floor. He draws his knees up to his chest and cradles the phone in cupped hands, as if the message will be sucked back into the ether if he grips too tightly. He lightly taps to full-screen the image, zooms in on Daniel's face. The soft, almost awkward smile is the same one Max has only ever seen directed at him. He knows this, because he's spent years cataloguing Daniel's interactions with others, longing and longing. Daniel never makes that face at anyone else.

Max's phone buzzes as another text comes through. Daniel's hands reaching through the wire to squeeze Max's heart until it leaks out between his fingers.

Always cheering for you, Max. Give 'em hell for me.

[mamaspark]

On the weekend I tried a new keto orange cranberry bread. Recipe is from All day I dream about food. It turned out SO good.

While the bread was baking I began embroidering/appliquéing some bears for a friend. It took me two FULL days to get 36 bears finished

I have more but can only post this many photos, lol. Do you have a favorite?

[healthyfood-24]

Za’atar roasted tomatoes with burrata, a drizzle of pomegranate molasses and pistachio.🍅 Flavour heaven and one for a sunny weekend I think!! Scoop up with some crust bread and enjoy❣️

Food || Healthyfood || Salad || Diet || keto

[legionnaireslover]

Haters, let's get some FACTS straight...

Louise Brealey wasn't celebrating her birthday with a grand masquerade party in Venice Italy on the weekend of March 16th, when her birthday is March 27th.

Louise Brealey WAS in the Venice Venise Hotel celebrating a birthday at the exactsame time it was Sophie's actual BIRTHDAY.

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH was in VENICE ITALY in HARRY'S BAR within a day of the BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION in Venice Italy that Louise Brealey posted about on her Instagram. There's NO QUESTION that he was.

Here's a picture of the actual Harry's Bar (from an article about the owner)...

I've pointed out 3 keto features in the picture - the lampshade light fixtures on the wall, the small sign posted just above the paneling and the sign posted high up on the wall.

Here's the 3 EXACT SAME features in BC pix...

Added to that is the ceiling is also EXACTLY THE SAME!

So it is a FACT that this photo of BC was taken IN VENICE ITALY, not in some pub in London after the Netflix event on March 14th.

The Haters can question, lie and bullshit all they want, but there is no way to fudge the facts that BC was in Italy this past weekend on his wife's birthday.

[anas1pet]

TIPS

Carry yourself like you're skinny, even if you're not thus has helped me lose weight and the one day I didn't I gained weight. If you carry yourself like you're skinny you'll trick your brain and start losing weight faster for example

"Can you hand me-" wait but skinny girls would just get up and get it so follow with the "never mind I got it"

"Can you make me-" they'll put extra calories in it and you need the steps "never mind ill make it"

Eventually you won't ask anymore

Walk like your skinny too, this fatty lazy walking isn't burning calories walk like a model fast, and confident

This also tricks other people in thinking you're confident with your weight and body so you can keep losing and losing and no one will notice and if they do "oh I'm trying this new diet for tiktok" then post a video of your before and after results and pick up some random healthy diet but keep it consistent when someone asks what diet you did remember the name

"What diet did you do?"

"Oh I did the keto diet and a couple chloe ting workouts you should try it! It was really fun!"

Keep making up different diets you're "following" and when you get through them all stick with your favorite as the lie

For the Ana's that keep a notebook buy two of the same notebook in one you'll write down your actual ana foods and all your pro ana stuff and the other write down a normal food and an inspirational quote or something normalish

For my girlie that love a good bath (especially ones that that's your only escape from your family like me) limit it to one bath a day or week and for the rest showers only sitting/ lying down is not gonna burn calories but if you're the kind that takes multiple baths a week slowly take it down so nobody gets suspicious and that way you'll build a habit keep the number of baths a week you have in your journal (ana journal for previous tip) that way you'll know when you've taken a bath and when you've showered

Ana's in highschool if you can't drive walk if possible if you're like me and live somewhere where walking home isn't an option walk other times like to the end of your road and back for me I walk 2 streets over to the river then I walk down the river well on weekends since I have kids or walk to the store if there's one by your house they just built a dollar general by mine so if possible I will be walking there

I'm a hypocrite about this next one but so is everyone else don't weigh yourself every single day once a week is good just makes sure not to weigh before you use the bathroom, after you eat or after you shower it adds up instead find a pair of jeans that are a size or even two sizes to small and try them on every day until you can wear them I'm currently a size 12/14 and I do this with a size 6/8

To my Ana's in college (this one is me) if you live on campus take the opportunity and walk/jog probably don't run you don't wanna go to class sweaty and smelly but you do you or if you're college is like mine and all your classes are in the same building lie to your family about your class times and go to the park or the gym after class I prefer the park bc it's beautiful and there's usually nobody there (this goes for highschool Ana's that have a car too say you're going to a friend's house)

Strict families/make you eat at the table you already know the napkin rules but one thing a lot of people forget is to fake chew when you "take a bite" and then spit it in the napkin don't chew the food that adds calories I read somewhere you take in almost a third of the calories from chew and spit so don't chew the food purposefully get some on your face get a napkin wipe it off and spit the unchewed bite into the napkin now here's where it gets a little gross don't put the whole napkin in your pocket just the food (unless it's like rice or something that can fall easy) this way you can use the same napkin again. If you're forced to go out and all they have is the napkins they put the Silverware in this especially works for that and you'll get lucky If you park beside the bushes bc then you can feed the animals your pocket food make sure to walk in the back when doing this so no one sees always wear laces and make sure one is untied when leaving the restaurant and stop to tie it while you do that throw the food as fast as possible before anyone notices also everyone knows about the cut and push don't do this eith finger foods at a restaurant tear it don't cut it with a fork DONT FORGET KETCHUP IS YOUR BEST FRIEND don't get any mayo based condiments (ranch, honeymustard, bbq) only ketchup or steak seasoning (0-25cal per tbsp)

Workouts, either wake up before everyone or go to sleep way after everyone nothing happens over night so try and slowly change it so you're not exhausted do an hour workout for this point (I do a flexibility stretch followed by a chloe ting then a Pamela reif cardio) then you can weigh then shower and say "oh I just woke up" ALSO DO THE WORKOUT IN YOUR PAJAMAS that way if they ask why you're sweaty/stink tell them you get night sweats and try and wake up before everyone to shower bonus points for if you have a thick blanket

Start picking up extra chores again little by little so nobody suspects anything and they think you're just being helpful if they notice you haven't eaten tell them you got distracted bc you like cleaning that way the house is clean and you're losing and they think you have an amazing new Hobbie all though it turns you into the "clean freak" of the family just battle that with the "at least I'm not a slob"

I hope you stuck around this long bc I just had a great idea!!! Meal time you sit eith your family at the table you spit your food into the napkin, it's winter/fall or just straight up cold in your house you have on a big sweater/hoodie under that sweater you have a fanny pack this way your pockets don't get bulgy and the sweater hides the pack half way through the meal (occasionally) say you have to pee or something "I drank way to much water I'll be right back" or something along those lines empty the fanny in the toilet and flush

I've been doing these for 9 years and they've really helped me and the only one in my family that knows is my husband and that's only bc I told him in highschool (I've had this since I was 11)

[royalsuvia]

Valta (VNN) - Thousands of Suvian citizens and others from around Maritrea descended upon the capitol this weekend for the annual Pride Celebrations. The Queen's uncle, the venerable Prince Rasmus, led the traditional procession around Valta Circle accompanied by his long time partner, activist Aapo Keto, and the ambassador from Viridis, Dom Caspian Novari. The joyful event was then capped off by an electrifying performance from pop princess Fiia Mattila.

Previous | Chrono | Next

[delightfulwombatyouth]

3:00 AM Cant sleep since 1:50, been tossing and turning since 11.

Even one drink now seems enough to completely mess up my sleep cycle, or could also be due to the massive stress I'm under a work and at home and the alcohol dehydration.

Recently been reading the EasyWay to Quit X books again for sugar/tech but probably should for alcohol too.

Realizing all my addictions - sugar, tech(social media, streaming, porn if I'm being completely honest), alcohol, caffeine, all function the same way. Though some have more social acceptability than others it all breaks down like

1. I have a problem in my life (work stress like a deadline, personal stress like an unexpected $1000 bill)

2. I think using something will help me feel better even if I know it's just temporarily.

3. I use the thing, and maybe I do for a moment feel ok.*

4. The high of whatever I've done has worn off, my problem persists, and now I feel worse off due to the after effects of using which can be physical or just a loss of respect for myself for coping poorly again.

* and the feeling of may just be the relieving of withdrawals from the last time I used depending on how frequently I am doing it. Or just comfort from doing something that has become habit.

At this point in my life drinking, especially like a random post work drink, doesn't make me feel good, it makes me wonder why I'm doing this. At special occasions like a wedding/birthday it feels different but the drinking for nothing other than stress relief after a hard day seems to do more harm than good at this point especially if I can't sleep. Same with sugar. Same with doom scrolling. Same with smoking weed when I did it.

Thankful I have been able to remain off the weed at least. I think in certain ways I've grown more these past 9 months sans smoking than I did the past 10 years. It stunted me emotionally terribly so and now I feel as though so are these remaining items stunting me in some way too.

My plan going forward for today at least:

I am out of unhealthy leftovers. I'll buy a salad for lunch and leftover steak/vegetables for dinner. No sugar.

I'll limit myself to one coffee this morning.

Try to read more. Try to stay off screens when I get home. Really just anything but screens, I stare at them all day already for a job.

I have a bottle of good whisky. I have some friends coming in from out of state this weekend. I will share with them and dump whatever is not finished.

I liked myself so much better and felt so much better, more energy, focus, better sleep, when I quit drinking too during Lent / post Easter to mother's day, and staying keto. I want to get back to there.

[astrojaxsaga]

Week 1 keto update

After a month in December of basically eating whatever I wanted (my parents and in-laws bought us all the food we needed to make all the amazing holiday dinners, and that included sooooo much dessert and candy and pie) I'm finally getting back into good habits with food again. Keto has helped to make me feel full and not so snacky, so I kind of don't have food on my mind as much. Though obviously if I smell popcorn or see Bahn Mi, I desperately crave it until I can get away from the smell/imagery. Following a lot of food channels on YouTube has made this kind of hard lol. But I've been taking more time to spend on knitting, watching movies, and other self-care stuff that I don't usually get to do. It's actually crazy to me that I do have all this time to cook and make my own meals, when like 6 months ago I would complain that I couldn't do it all, like making meals, taking time for myself, taking time for my partner and cat, PLUS work, because I would spend my evenings at the gym. Or I'd get home late and be too tired to make food and do gym. I kept feeling like I wasn't getting it all done and so I must be failing. It was stressful, and clearly not really sustainable.

But ketosis is kicking me into the next gear and allowing me to just enjoy easier effort activities like walking and yoga, which is nice. If I don't have time for them it's nice that I no longer feel like it's a requirement for success.

The keto flu was pretty brutal yesterday. The fatigue was really annoying to handle during work hours, but I worked all weekend on my final post-doc fellowship so I called it a half-day due to burnout. I have been having some headaches, but I've been drinking lots of water and I am trying to take electrolyte packets with water first thing in the morning. If I can get past day 10 I'll be in the clear. Today on day 9 I weighed in at 183.6, so -6.4 lbs down. I know this will taper off soon but it is helping to keep me motivated. Especially to avoid drinking.

I think one of the most interesting things that I remember happening last time that I did keto, I was very focused during work hours which was GREAT. This was before being diagnosed ADHD. I recently read somewhere that studies show a keto diet can help mitigate the symptoms of ADHD ?? Anyways I haven't read this in detail and idk if rats have ADHD lol. I'll have to catch up on the literature some time.

Some staples I've had that have been really working for me:

Tuscan chicken soup

Beef stir fry (basically a slaw mix you can buy at any store + beef + soy and Sriracha and ginger)

Almonds

Cheese

Eggs + sautéed veggies (mushrooms, bell peppers, and onion) + avocado + smoked salmon (and sometimes to make the eggs extra creamy I add cream cheese to the finished eggs and let it melt down)

I'm still trying a bunch of recipes, some are good and some are pretty mid (broccoli cheddar soup is okay but not enough protein for my liking). But at least it's all whole foods and stuff I'm actually excited about eating.

[rahmercy]

My mom has been battling stage 3 pancreatic cancer and 2 days ago, she completed her 4th chemotherapy session. She has 2 more to go before they assess it to remove the tumor.

She was diagnosed on November 28, 2023. She began chemotherapy December 26, 2023 and was admitted to the emergency room later that day from complications. She was discharged December 29, 2023 and my family came down to Florida on December 30, 2023.

On her birthday, January 2, 2024, after her follow-up meeting with her oncologist. She was feeling defeated about how things had been happening since her diagnosis. She vocalized no desire to live in front of us (including my 12 year old daughter (her only grandchild)).

My family (my spouse, daughter & myself), at the suggestion of my spouse made the commitment to be her ongoing support system. This is so she could make whatever decision she wanted regarding how she chooses to proceed with her diagnosis.

I personally committed to split time between our 2 bedroom home in Durham, North Carolina & her 1 bedroom apartment in Fort Lauderdale, Florida to make sure we could commit to her health treatment planned as it began taking effect on December 26, 2023.

We did not request anything from anybody and agreed to take on the additional financial burdens it would place on us to fulfill this commitment, (despite knowing we weren't in the financial situation to do so).

We arranged things so my spouse and daughter could return to school in NC on January 8th. I stayed back with my mom for that chemo week. Since I'm a business owner with time flexibility, I would make the trips and stay with my mom throughout the treatment windows in Florida.

This agreement means renting a car for an one-way trip to North Carolina or Florida weekly (a $200-275 expense & 11-14 hours of travel time per trip). The first time we brought her up to NC ever, my spouse drove our car down to get us and then shared in the responsibility of driving back to NC. It cost us $250 in fuel and food for the trip. We realized it gave my mom & I more flexibility in travel days, saved on time spent on the road, and cost the same to just rent a car (Chevrolet Malibu) for each trip.

This agreement meant now sourcing food with all my mom's health dietary restrictions (from having a gastric sleeve) & her diagnosis dietary restrictions for 2 households. As well as me preparing most meals for both homes while I'm in and away from NC. In addition, replacing gluten with gluten-free alternatives in the diet. (A lot more coconut and almond based supplies). Cooking meals for a family of four that works and can be considered Keto-friendly and cancer friendly and while trying to stay under a budget of $300-$350 monthly.

Since we've implemented this plan to be her support system, all hell has broken loose in our lives. (My mom calls it just life lifing though).

On Martin Luther King weekend, began a school district wide issue in my Daughter's school system. Different staff began protesting and calling out of work (which we personally support their stances) due to significant pay discrepancies being communicated.

This immediately meant unreliable transportation for my daughter getting to & from school 25+ minutes away. My spouse teaches in a different school system 20 minutes in the opposite direction of my daughter's school, and we only have one car. Since she started middle school this year, their school school arrival times are the same. But her bus pick-up time solved the problem there. So there is now an ongoing possibility of him being late to work at his school daily.

On our first trip back down for treatment, it went perfect with the rental, until I realized after returning the rental car that I had lost my business cellphone inside of the rental car. (It hasn't been found by Budget's staff during cleaning and the car had already been rented out again less than 2 hours after being dropped off.) So I still have to pay to get that phone replaced.

This is compiled on top of this being my businesses' slow season and having no reserves to catch the $950 overhead in monthly expenses that comes from inventory space, business insurance, & hosting email domains, office assistant services & website. We only one future booking on the calendar and it's for a new build. January there was only $900 made. $300 had to go towards having to subrent out the job because it over lapped with chemo treatment and would cost twice as much to keep in-house with temp staff. $150 went towards repaying our transaction based capital funding loan from Shopify. $120 went towards getting 2 items of inventory for the second booking.

So I borrowed funds from something I couldn't afford to take from just to keep all of our inventory spaces secured.

My Chase credit card is over the limit by $140 and a payment is due today. My secure loan payment with Navy Federal is also due today and I don't have any of it. My business insurance payment of $200 is due tomorrow, and I don't have that either.

And the difference in the cost for our last car rental to come down for chemo week is still due back to the card I used for it. And I have to pay 200 for the car rental to go back up to NC Monday.

Then back in NC, this week on Tuesday, our only car's engine light came on. It was taken into our dealership on Wednesday morning to find out why. That diagnostic end up costing $250. We finally got answers Friday afternoon. Our car has 139k miles on it, and we're being told the engine needs to be replaced. It has been quoted $8k to have a used engine put into it or over $12k to have a new engine with a lifetime warranty put into our 2016 Chevrolet Cruze premier.

This car gets everyone to school and has been how my spouse has been supplementing his income working for the school system and parks & rec by doing Shipt. So now income has been reduced even more and expenses have drastically increased more.

MY business first official rental booking for this year took place yesterday, and that was supposed to be able to be delivered using our car. Since it's still in the shop, we had to book a last-minute $200 car rental for my spouse and daughter to fulfill the booking delivery yesterday and to be able to go back to do the rental booking pick-up today.

Emergency fund is pretty much exhausted after this week and the savings, too. Then today, with a little downtime, I learn that all my email payments were due on MLK weekend. This resulted in 5 email domains (3 important ones needed for tax filings) to be canceled by godaddy after 2 weeks of missing the payment notifications. I've had the email plan for almost 10 years, and it initially only cost me $14/month for all 5 emails. But because it was canceled and the package no longer exists, it cost me $29/month to have them reactivate and restore the 3 important emails or over $70/month to get them all reactivated. I only activated the 3 and paid it up until April for $59, so I don't miss its before filing taxes.

This week in Florida, my mom's cancer treatment visits started charging her a copay. Due to an error that recently took place on the backend by her health insurance. It's taking longer to resolve it with then despite them already seeing that it'san error in their coordination of benefits process. This week alone, we had to pay $325 in co-pays just to avoid the chemotherapy and white blood cell visits at the oncologist from being canceled by their office. The error is still causing a previous $200 outstanding balance to reflect on her account.

TODAY, it all became too much to hold in any longer. I have never had to face this many trials all at once while still having ongoing ones coming my way. My heart, mind & spirit is heavy right now. I need GOD to do something supernatural for my family in this season. In a way, only God can show up. I'm not broken. My faith isn't shaken. We're not going back on our commitment. Cancer won't defeat my family! We're breaking so many generational cycles right now. Cancer was just the catalyst to expedite the process.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Since I have about an hour and a bit drive between my house and work I am listening to all the Vows &Vengence Podcast again since I work the 31 BUT took the 1st off.

This means two episodes a day. I'm also doing my snack run today so I'm fully ready. Given I am currently keeping Keto I'm just doing a cheese board for myself with maybe chicken wings for the weekend but its gonna be awesome!!

WHO IS FUCKING READY?!?

[rainyfestivalsweets]

Big Lots Haul

Some shit I bought at Big Lots this weekend:

Individual packs of snacks of popcorn, fruit & bars.

I like these. I am trying to include fruits and snacks in my eating plan. Keto doesn't allow for either of these...and that made me go a little nutz when trying to smash myself into a keto box.

Calorie counts on the bars. Because honestly sometimes I don't know why I buy these, it seems disingenuous.... because they are super processed and that is something I am trying to avoid for the most part. Obviously not going to avoid them if I bought them.

At least I stopped myself from buying shit I already had/have. And some things that the price point just wasn't good on.

They had Lankato products, yay! But I still have some from the last time I bought it.

$9 & change for 4 Quest cookies? No thanks.

Maybe I will do a post to figure out how to pair these in a satisfying way.

I feel like I eat ALOT. Or have the urge to eat alot. 🤔 It Is maddening. Sometimes it is just out of habit, & sometimes I am legitimately not hungry- like I just ate something.

Alot of that comes from being poor as a child and not knowing where my next meal would come from. Obviously I overdid it when food became available.

[sadunicorn863]

Doing three diets keto, liquid, and calorie deficit and the 7 day porridge diet hopefully I'll lose enough weight to fit into my uk size 4 skinny jeans by the weekend and be skinny enough for my birthday I'm only eating one thing at the party I'm going to on the weekend and I'm starving until my birthday so I can be pretty

[travelinglowcarb]

👩‍🍳 Keto Drop Biscuit Recipe https://www.travelinglowcarb.com/31747/best-keto-biscuits-recipe/

These keto-friendly drop biscuits are VERY low carb, super easy to make, and so versatile! They’re great for meal prep or a weekend breakfast, like sausage biscuits or biscuits & gravy. They make delicious lunch sandwiches too. They’re perfectly light & fluffy on the inside, crispy on the outside, and made with simple clean ingredients. ❤ Enjoy! xo

[nancypullen]

A Day Off

Hallelujah! What a perfect day. I worked until six o'clock on Wednesday and practically danced out of the library. I have been rotating between the information desk and the circulation desk and the good citizens of this county have worn me out. The last several days have been a bit wonky. There were ten thousand calls asking if we have free eclipse glasses -we didn't, but could direct you to a place that does and/or provide instructions for making your own viewer out of a cereal box and aluminum foil. There was an event giving away free laptops to qualifying residents that was like the last flight out of Saigon. In the words of an unflappable coworker, "There was chaos in every corner of the building." Don't even get me started about Mercury being in retrograde. Like I said, wonky. Saturday was actually quite nice because it was opening day for Little League and there was a parade down Market Street with plenty of cute kids. When I arrived home on Saturday the Edgewater gang showed up and we celebrated Mr. Pullen's birthday. Jamie and I convinced the fellas to accompany us to a greenhouse to hunt for some plants, a greenhouse that the grandgirl said was "in the middle of nowhere". She wasn't wrong. We came home with lots of lovelies for the gardens, a successful trip! This is my favorite picture snapped over the weekend. Tyler and Jamie in a chess battle on the front porch. Never say it's not exciting around here.

I was back to work on Monday (eclipse day) for three busy days, and now I'm free! We delayed our trip to Lancaster for a day to let the bad weather blow through, so we'll leave in the morning, stay over Friday night, and come home later on Saturday. I'm anticipating some fun. Speaking of fun, here's another photo I loved. I'm pretty sure that I'm allowed to post this because she's masked. No one could ever identify her from this photo (and I've been good for six years). I'll delete if they ask. Anyway, this is our little miss on Monday. Isn't it cute pic?

Fast forward to today and I've shed all of the work nonsense and I'm feeling quite content. I spent the entire morning weeding and preparing flower beds, then planting some of the pretties that I picked up at Ball Greenhouses last week. I know I'm early, but these are hardy girls. If Mother Nature turns fickle I'll just be the crazy lady running around tossing sheets over gardens. Wouldn't be the first time. It's a small price to pay for the happiness of today. Working the dirt and dreaming of the blooms to come was good for my soul. I needed this day. Another little something that has recently delighted me is this stuff.

Because I'm at work for nine hours, I have recently become addicted to sugary, fattening, fancy coffee drinks. I'd zip through Starbucks on my lunch break and pick up an iced caramel macchiato , then I started buying the bottles at the grocery store and filling my big sippy cup (that I normally use for water) in the mornings. I was adding way too many calories to my day. So, I searched for a healthier replacement drink that would still give me the boost - and I found it! I'm not on Atkins or Keto or any of those diets, but I definitely appreciate the low sugar/carb count. This protein shake has the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee, with added protein and fiber. It's a win! I can have this for breakfast and feel no guilt. Getcha' some! This post is sort of all over the place, sorry about that. I don't have a lot to say and I didn't sit down with a plan. I just opened my laptop and wanted to say hi. I do miss having more time to spend being silly here. The older I get the less I care about being silly. Look at these cool sunglasses I bought in a little shop in Chestertown. Silly for a woman my age? Yes. Do I care? Absolutely not.

I just notice that my name tag for work is all jacked up by my seatbelt. Hope I straightened that out once I got there, but I don't remember doing it. Oops. Several of you have asked about whether or not I'm enjoying my job. It's complicated. I've mentioned my lovely coworkers, I've mentioned that I'm having fun doing the displays, there are plenty of positives. I'm trying to focus on what I have gained and not what I have lost. I do miss having time for hobbies, doing more than work, eat, sleep, repeat. Of course, as I type this I'm looking ahead to three days off - wonderful! The 16th will mark three months in my position, so I do feel I've given it a fair shake...and I just don't know. I'm really pouring a lot of energy, creativity, and effort into this job and I do feel that it's appreciated. They are very nice to me and pay me adequately. I'm just undecided if it's a fair trade for my freedom. I mostly talk about the fun parts, the nice parts, but there are also the not-so-fun parts. A surprising number of books are returned with bed bugs. We have two large "stink boxes" that are usually full of books returned that reek of everything from cigarette smoke, pot, or just general funk. They sit in there with charcoal rocks until they're bearable. Lots of people are rude, really rude. I got used to that when I was in the airline industry, but it doesn't make it any more pleasant. I could go on, couldn't we all? No job is ever perfect, and in the past I tolerated the unpleasant aspects because I had no choice. I don't have to do that anymore. I've been asked to take on some summer programming work - fun activities with kids, outreach booths at festivals, that sort of thing. I'm looking forward to that, and it's been a while since I've had things to look forward to. Well, that's not true. I've had loads of fun family stuff that happened and even a trip to Ireland in the last year, but as far as having something that gives me a chance to actually use my brain and any meager talents I have - this is the first chance since we left Tennessee. I just wish it wasn't so exhausting. Is that just me being sixty? It's kind of funny that I'm twenty to thirty years older than nearly everyone I work with, but they're all so tired. I don't want to scare them about getting older, but I feel like I should drop hints like, "I hope you like ibuprofen..." or "Enjoy those cute shoes while you can..." Honestly, I work circles around most of them, and I shouldn't. Where is their energy? I have to admit that when I'm shelving, and for some reason all of our shelves have books at floor level (why??), it is not fun getting up and down. I actually love shelving because the more books I touch the more familiar I am with the collection, but that bottom shelf will be the death of me. I snapped this picture last week when I was processing books. Some were going out to other libraries, some had been requested locally and were going on our hold shelf, some were being checked in and returned to our shelves.

That back wall is my work area. To the left you can see some of the 50+ craft bags that I assembled to go home with our little visitors. I love those. They have all of the supplies and instructions needed to complete a small craft. To the right of the craft bags are a couple of shelves of books pulled for mending or labeling. Under the desk are the infamous stink boxes. I wish they'd let me decorate this work room. It needs color and art. It should be pretty. Pretty isn't very important around here. That's definitely something I miss about the south. I put a little bit of the south into one of my small displays. We have a good collection of cookbooks here, so I grabbed a tablecloth and sign from our house, and voila!

This hardly counts as a display - just two pieces of decor and some books, but it's working - people are checking out cookbooks! I swap them out every couple of days to keep it interesting. Here's another little bit of nothing - just pillow stuffing glued to cardstock for clouds, the raindrops are cardstock and string. Rainy Day Reads!

See what I mean? None of it is great (I have no budget!) but it's the fun part. So much of the rest is exhausting. They're advertising for a couple of new positions, so maybe if they find the right people I could work fewer hours. If that were the case I could do this for a long time. I'm already cooking up some fun ideas for May. I have my book lists ready and one display will definitely be "Once Upon a Crime..." complete with crime scene tape and a chalk body outline on the floor (actually white painters tape). I may do a Sci-Fi display with an alien saying, "Take me to your reader." We have a huge biography section though, so I probably should use those instead. I could make a giant name tag, like the ol' "Hello, my name is______" that we've all had to wear at some point. I could put up a sign that says Meet someone new, try a biography and put out a variety of interesting people - founding fathers to modern musicians, CoCo Chanel to Sally Ride. Anywho, just letting those ideas rattle around in my brain. I'll figure it out. Wow, I've rambled far too long and it's all disjointed and kooky. I guess I was overdue for a visit here. I'm happy today because I'm home. I hope that you're happy too, or at least on your way to being happy. I suppose we all have to figure out what that means for us, and where it is for us. I know it's not on that damn bottom shelf at the library.

The mister is turning off lights and heading for bed, so I guess that's my cue. We'll run off to Lancaster in the morning so I'll be back on Sunday to share a bit of that with you. It may be nothing but Amish buggies in the rain, but I have a feeling we'll find some fun. If you've made it all the way to the end of this snoozefest of a post, give yourself a cookie. You deserve it. Consider yourself hugged. Stay tuned for the Griswolds' adventures in Pennsylvania Dutch country! Until then, stay safe, stay well, and know how very much I've missed you. XOXO, Nancy

[anotherfauxredhead]

The Post-Bisalp Diaries, Part Two: Survival Of The Tubeless

Happy Two Week Anniversary of me noping the fallopes!

When I was reading up on how others managed post-Bisalp before my own surgery, I saw suggestions like "take Gas-X for bloating", "use stool softeners so you don't 'strain' yourself", "have a heating pad for the shoulder pain", and so forth. They sounded helpful, and it was a good thing I had that stuff already on hand (for other reasons).

That said, here's what really helped me out during my recovery. ***DISCLAIMER*** Your mileage may vary, all bodies are different, and I sure as shit am no doctor or medical practitioner!

*Turmeric-Curcumin Pills*

It's what I first turn to when I get crap like PMS cramps or headaches. I do have ibuprofen on hand, but it's more of a last resort remedy for me. The ones I've been taking post-surgery are Gaia Herbs Turmeric Supreme, but I also have Terry Naturally's Curamin (regular strength) pills.

*CBD Stuff*

Thank goodness I live in a state where CBD products are legal to own. Tinctures and gummies, particularly the ones from Lazarus Naturals, have been a godsend.

*Probiotics*

I still took probiotics pre-surgery, albeit in food form (yogurt, sauerkraut, etc.) since I couldn't have supplements then. When I learned that I was given antibiotics during my surgery, I knew I needed to take probiotics later in the day; it's what balances out your digestive system after the antibiotics fuck with it. Maybe it could explain why, even if my appetite was reduced for the first few days, I didn't have bad gas. I took a high-dose probiotic (think the pills with over 40+billion cultures) in the first week, then, for the second week, went down to probiotics with no more than 25 billion cultures. And some low-sugar yogurt.

*Pedialyte Pops*

Like with many others who had a Bisalp, sore throat is a common post-surgery symptom. (It's the result of having a breathing tube down your throat during the procedure.) Though I had regular popsicles on hand, I ended up buying Pedialyte Freezer Pops as well as they also have electrolytes in them. And they're also fairly low sugar!

*Thrift Stores*

So I had to change up my wardrobe a bit for my recovery. A month leading up to my surgery, I got some jumpsuits, loose, high waisted pants with a comfortable waistband, slip-in shoes so I don't have to bend over and tie my shoes, and even a bed rest pillow in case I felt like a lazy-ass. Thanks to thrift stores, I got all that for a bargain. Who the fuck needs Wal-Mart?

By the way, because of my need to be active, and me fighting the fatigue during the first few days of recovery, I didn't use that bed rest pillow. I guess I may need it down the road, and it only cost me $5.

*Eating Low-Carb, Minimally Processed Foods*

Having been on Keto for the past few years, the diet has not only helped me shed blubber, but I've become more active from it. I can't say if eating low-carb/sugar-free foods and minimally processed foods helped my body heal quicker, but, save for the first three days after surgery, I never felt sluggish in my recovery.

*A Decent Landlord & Loan Deferments*

OK, forget the physical aspects of my recovery; it's the financial aspects that took the real beating. I'm able to receive Short Term Disability while out from work (I do not work from home and my job is very physical), but waiting for the payments have become a pain in the clit. I'm still waiting for them, and it just happens to be a holiday weekend right now. Just my luck! So, I like to give a shout-out to my landlord who was cool with me underpaying my rent for this upcoming month, and the few loan companies who I have accounts with that were able to postpone my payments so I don't go so broke to where I need to sell my sterilized ass on the streets for a few bucks. (Like, literally a few bucks--it's the going rate for old millennial ass.)

Also, a friendly reminder that just because one is childfree doesn't mean they got deep pockets. Some of those "I got to vacation in Italy last week 'cause I got no kids!!!!" posts you see on Reddit's Childfree subreddit are likely made-up as hell (it's Reddit, after all). Now that I think about it, I think I'm more of a WINK (What Income? No Kids) instead of a SINK at the moment.

A Few Things I Got/Have That I Didn't Need In The End...

--GasX pills (I was never really gassy, and they were the 99-Cent Store version as opposed to the name brand, so I didn't lose money on that)

--Shoulder/Heating Pad (others have suggested it, but I only used it just once and that was because it was a cold night)

--stool softeners (I think the probiotics helped me out with this one)

--ibuprofen (took it once and it fucked with me. I'm used to the 200mg pills, but 600mg per pill?! Fuck no!)

--prescribed oxycodone (didn't even open that shit)

And A Couple Things You Don't Need To Buy...

--disposable underwear (the hospital will provide you with as many pairs as you need. I never bled, thankfully, but I was still given a few pairs.)

--anti-nausea patch (another thing the hospital will give you, but only if you request it. I could've saved myself $6 from the pack of anti-nausea patches I bought on eBay! *punches air*)

*****

Again, what helped me out post-Bisalp may or may not help the next person in recovery. If there's one thing I highly recommend that will help the next person recover from a Bisalp smoothly, it's having plenty of money so you don't have to worry about financial shit like me.

**ETA: Tumblr told me this is my 100th post here. I'd celebrate but I also outed myself as a broke bitch in the post, so...