#keira i miss you :((

[lucawrites11]

i need you all to know when evie is older and starts making her senior debut for barça she is put in a press conference and instantly freaks out journalists. everyone knows she's evie bronze-walsh england youth international so they all collectively decide they need to speak english to her because she's so young and all practice the night before and rehearse their questions.

then evie shows up is given the microphone to introduce herself and does so in the most perfect catalan and no one asks her questions for a solid minute because they are so shocked and scrambling about what to say but evie thinks oh catalan was the wrong choice, apologises and says the same thing in PERFECT spanish. the journalists are in awe.

the only journalist that picks their jaw off the floor to get a question in is from the BBC and they ask in english about the international fight for her from the likes of bayern munich, man city, lyon, arsenal, the nwsl etc and whether she'd ever consider a move and evie pulls out the most manchester british accent ever and is like:

yeah no i'd absolutely lovta play for citeh obviously they were like me childood club and ulimaly the club i've always suppor-ed in me har- but righ- nah i'm appy in barça. me famly is ere an all but in the fu-ure i can defin-uh-ly see meself potentially playing for lyon or citeh. like me mum, i luv winnin' an it wud be fun oexplore diferen leagues and -eams ya know an i alredy speak like spanish, ca-alan, german, french an por-ugese so i'd ne-er rule any-hing ou- bu- righ- nah i'm buzzin' ta mayke me debu for barça

(let me know if you need a translation to spell a manchurian accent phonetically)

the non-english journalists have NO idea what she's saying, what questions to ask anymore or what language to speak and eventually the barça manager intervenes and says that all questions directed at can be asked in spanish, catalan or english, whatever language the journalists are most comfortable speaking. evie is just sitting there smiling innocently, completely unaware of the chaos she's causing.

she's asked a question by a french journalist and a german journalist in those languages as well and the whole press conference goes completely viral mostly for her perfect accents (though her german is notably austrian) that would make you think the language she is speaking at the time is her first language. (some people question how she's keira's child but her language skills are so good but then others point out the english accent is VERY keira)

[ceasarslegion]

If someone who grew up with a dog tells you they think certain breed is the best it is totally objective and unbiased. The fact i grew up with a black labrador has nothing to do with how i think labradors are the best dog breed and the black ones are the prettiest. Theyre entirely separate from each other. The fact that i had that dog from 6 years old to 22 has nothing to do with how i think large water dogs are the most fun to be around. Or how i think dogs who are powered by tail wags and zoomies are the best addition to a household

[deadrlngers]

starting a viotash playlist..first song is the cottage on the beach. i love being predictable

[icklewolfiekins]

so i spent way too much time researching this considering my skill level but anyway here is miss piggy and brett goldstein as i see them in the seminal Muppets classic, Piggy and Prejudice.

[outsideratheart]

Healing (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: This took me a lot longer to finish than I hoped but it’s done. Grab a drink and get comfy because it’s a long one, in fact I think it’s my longest fic to date.

The world had its questions and you were well aware of the headlines.

Y/N Y/L/N quits football.

Where is Y/N Y/L/N? Here's what we know.

The best in the world has vanished.

If you find Y/N tell her Sarina is looking for her.

The last twelve months had been the hardest in your life. You thought you could prepare for it, that it would easier because you knew it was coming but that wasn't the case. The day it happened was the day your heart broke and as you buried her you knew you were burying part of yourself too.

You left the world speculating as to why you didn't extend your contract with Lyon, why you never signed for another club and more importantly people were wondering where you had disappeared to.

Both your club and country team mates knew about your personal life and the tragedy that happened shortly after the euros. 

You missed football, of course you did, but you also needed to take time away to process what had happened. A return date was never set but then the world cup happened. You watched your team mates cry after losing to Spain and you couldn't help but feel partially responsible. The game might have ended differently if you had played.

A decision had been made. It was time to return to the pitch. You had offers before and after the euros. The only question is what teams would still want you? 

The sun was setting in Barcelona as the team finished up a late training session. Most of the players stayed behind to take advantage of the free food given they knew once they got home they wouldn't have the energy to cook themselves.

“Lucy your phone is ringing” Ona shouts over to where the English defender is filling her plate. 

“Who is it?” Lucy replies. 

Ona’s face floods with guilt. Almost as if she shouldn’t be looking at the phone. This sparks interest of those around her but no one more than Keira who sees the name on the screen. 

“Y/N” Lucy all but ran back to table after hearing Keira say your name “is everything ok? Where are you? Yes I’m with Lucy. Before I hand you over promise me that you’re ok? Good” 

Keira hands over the phone and watches Lucy’s face as she tries to figure out why you called and what you are talking about. 

“Yes there are people around me. Ok, I’ll ask” 

When you hang up the phone Lucy does as you ask or at least she makes the first step. 

“Alexia” Lucy walks around to where the captain is sat with Mapi and Ingrid “Who would I talk about signing a new player?”

“It’s not our job to recruit players but if you know something that might help the club then tell me and I will ask” Alexia wasn’t stupid. She heard your name and now Lucy was asking this. It wasn’t a coincidence. 

“I can’t. This is a sensitive subject” 

“Vale. Talk to Jona and if he thinks the player is right for the club then he can set up a meeting” 

Alexia left the training facility that night thinking of you. You were at the peak of your career, many people considered you the best in the world and if she is being honest she thought you would win the Balon d’Or, not her. That night Alexia watched your highlights for hours, even the ones in the games against her. You really were a once in a generation player which makes it that much harder for Alexia to understand why you walked off the pitch at Wembley and hadn’t been seen on one since. 

The next day at training the energy felt different. Lucy and Keira had a sense of happiness that their team mates hadn’t seen before. They would gather around Lucy’s phone but then hide it when somebody came close to them. 

Jona came walking into the gym with Xavi Puig right behind him and called over both Keira and Lucy. A couple of players watch the conversation unfold and tried their hardest to read their lips.

“Ingrid, what are they saying?” Mapi nudges her girlfriend.

“They’re talking about Y/N Y/L/N” Alexia was stretching on the floor playing no part in the eavesdropping.

“How do you know?” Ingrid asks her.

“She called Lucy yesterday and then Lucy talked to me about the club signing a new player. I can’t know for sure but that’s what I think is going on”

A couple of days later you landed in Barcelona, greeted by the warm weather and your two England team mates who kept a low key appearance in the arrivals hall. You stop when you are a meter away them. You didn’t know what to do, you hadn’t seen them in almost a year. 

“Come here” Lucy throws her arms around you followed by Keira.

“We’re so happy to see you Y/N. We really have missed you” 

You remain quiet as you walk to the car. Both of them fill you in on what the team is like and you make sure to remind them that you haven’t officially signed yet.

“Jona mentioned that. You want a trial training session?”

“It’s the right thing to do” you didn’t want any special treatment. You wanted to earn the right to play for the club and not just be handed the contract.

“You could have not played football for 5 years and still run rings round all of us” Lucy knows you the most having played with her at both club and country. You were too humble in her eyes so she took it upon herself to remind you of your greatness from time to time.

“I never said I haven’t played football. That has been the thing to get me through the past 10 months” you didn’t mean to be a downer, in fact you didn’t know what you were saying until it was too late.

“How are you doing?” Keira asks from the front seat and you see Lucy eyeing you up in rear view mirror.

“Some days are harder than others and no day has been easy. She would be happy that I’m here though. She always said that if I didn’t go back to England then she’d want us to come here”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say her name. 

“She always did hate the french winters” Lucy laughs at the memories she shared with your wife.

Your mind goes back to just a couple of years ago. Lyon were playing at home and the weather was awful. You saw Natalia in the crowd shivering but still she cheered you on, she always was your biggest fan. Come rain or shine, your girl was in the audience. You hated the thought of playing without her being in the crowd but you also knew she wouldn’t want to give up your career.

“Y/N” Keira gently nudged your knee. It was obvious that you were taking a trip down memory lane and she didn’t want to scare you.

“Huh” you quickly wiped away a tear “Oh we’re here” you grabbed your backpack and jumped out of the car leaving them in the front not knowing what to do.

“Let’s leave her be. She knows we are here and will come to us when she’s ready”

You were in awe as you walked the halls of Joan Camper. The things the team has achieved were that of greatness. It was a club that created legacys and you found yourself feeling something that you hadn’t in a long time; excitement.

Lucy and Keira lead you to the locker room just as they were instructed to. The rest of the team were already out of the field which was part of the plan. There hanging in a corner locker was a training kit for you. You didn’t expect it and you definitely didn’t expect to have been given your number.

“You did this?” You ask the pair.

“Salma did. The team knows you called Lucy and when Salma heard to locker room rumours of you joining she insisted. Between us she is a big fan of yours, bigger than Luce”

“Not possible” the defender joked.

The boots were fastened and you were ready, well almost ready. There was one thing you wasn’t prepared for. You looked down at your necklace. It was a simple gold chain that held two rings: yours and Talia’s.

“I can’t do it” you slumped down in defeat and bury your face in your hands.

“Hey” Lucy crouches down in front of you “they let us wear jewellery for training, you can keep them on”

You walked out onto the field and all eyes fell on you. You felt like a spectacle and you hated the attention. They didn’t know the current version of you, they had only met the old Y/N so you channel her and introduce yourself to them during the next drinks break.

“I know some of us have met as opponents but this is different. I’m Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you all, I hope I can keep up” you make a joke hoping to avoid the elephant in the room.

“We’ll see about that. I’m Alexia” She is the first person to you.

“Lovely to meet you Alexia” 

It’s hard to explain the feeling when you’re playing football. It’s as if you mind switches off whilst also been completely focused. It take a few attempts to get into the rhythm that is Barcelona football but you catch on quickly. It comes as no shock to the rest of the team that you play in complete sync with Lucy and Keira. The two of them even stay back at the end to work with you on some movements that you weren’t pleased with.

Some players go shower but a few stay behind, albeit out of sight, and watch you. 

“She has a gift” Alexia says to nobody in particular.

“Nobody has seen her in over a year and this is how she is playing. Look, she is running rings around them. How is that possible?” Patri adds.

“Does anybody know where she was?” Pina asks the small group.

“No but I could ask Ingrid or Caro to ask Ada. They are best friends and surely you would tell your best friend where you are going” Mapi forms a plan in her head, one that she will soon find out to be a bad idea.

“Do it” Alexia tells the defender “We are a family here and if she joins us then we have a right to know where she has been”

When Barcelona posted a photo of you signing a contract on their socials the world went crazy. The media were relentless and the fans were quick to show their support for you even though some were skeptical about your sudden reappearance and new team. 

You ignored them for the most part as they had no idea what had happened. You fit into the team almost right away and was enjoying every game with Barcelona. You scored on your debut and had been involved in a goal every game since. Months had passed and much to your surprise you had only been asked about the missing year once or twice. 

Caro refused to ask Ada about you and Ingrid only did when her girlfriend became obsessed with finding out the truth. Ada’s answer was simple ‘I won’t tell you and if she doesn’t want you to know then you should respect her wishes’.

You remained a mystery though and for the most part the team seemed to forget about your missing year. 

When the second international window came that is when things changed and you felt like you made a friend. Mapi still wasn’t representing her country so she reached out and asked if you wanted to meet up for a coffee. 

Anybody could easily be intimidated by the blonde but you liked her. She had this energy that made you know accepting her invite was a no brainer. That and you had questions of your own. 

“How did you know?”

Mapi places down a a small coffee in a glass; a cortado. 

“I asked Keira what you ordered”

A comfortable silence took over as the two of you sipped on your coffees. You found it funny the way Mapi looked at you then her coffee and back to you again. You recognised the signs; you were making her nervous. Why though you had no idea.

You decide to make the first move and you get straight to the point much to the defender’s surprise.

“I spoke with Ada”

This got her attention. You had your suspicions but the look on her face confirmed it. Still, she played along.

“That’s nice. You’re very close, no?” Mapi tried her best to look innocent but you weren’t having any of it and the look on your face told her that.

“She had an interesting conversation with Ingrid. Do you happen to know anything about this?”

She did. You know she did. 

“No” you got a sheepish look from Mapi and you wondered if she knew how unconvincing she was being.

“I think you did. I think you got Ingrid to ask Ada about me”

“Lo siento”

“Here’s the thing I don’t understand. I know you all want to know, you’ve been whispering about me for months yet not one of you has come to me and asked me directly. You have been going behind my back trying to dig up information about a time that I clearly don’t want to talk about”

Mapi dips her head. She truly thought that her and the team were been careful but obviously not. 

“Maria, I want you to put yourself in my shoes. Would you want to talk about it with strangers when you barely talk to your best friends about it?”

The defender thinks about it for a moment. You had barely left Lucy and Keira’s side but she hadn’t really heard you talking, you were always listening to what they were saying and replying when necessary.

“It was bad wasn’t it?” She asks. 

“The worse year of my life” you confess and you can your throat close at the thought of the months in question.

“We are in jail?” 

You cannot help but chuckle at her words.

“No, I was not in jail”

“Did you kill somebody?”

“No, I did not kill anybody”

“So no crimes were committed?”

“Is that what you have all come up with? That I broke the law?” 

“Most of us, yes. Aitana think’s you were in the hospital because you were sick”

Her response came at the worst time possible. You spit your coffee out when you hear the midfielder’s suspicion. 

Technically she was right. You were in the hospital but you weren’t in the hospital.

“I wasn’t sick” 

“Clearly. Look at you, you’re huge. I mean you are big. No, you are strong”

“Calm down Mapi, I know what you mean. Thank you” 

The two of you stay in the cafe for another hour. You take this time just the two of you getting to know one another. You ask Mapi about her tattoos and she learn’s you have a few of your own which are hidden on your back. When she asks for their meaning you promise you will tell her the stories another time. 

You both walk to the metro station and by coincidence you end up of the same train. You get off before her and just before the door opens, Mapi grabs your hand.

“I’ll get them to stop. You don’t owe us an explanation, Y/N” 

“Thank you Maria” 

You’re not sure what the tattooed defender said but the whispers stopped or so you thought. They stopped whispering in front of you but little did you know the speculations were still going on behind your back. It is early in December when things come to a head and you snapped. 

“What do you mean she is staying Spain?” Alexia asked Salma. 

“That she is staying her in Barcelona. She said she might go to Valencia for a few days but that’s it” the forward wasn’t sure what to say or if she should have said anything at all.

“And you don’t think that is strange? This is woman who used to love England. The fans called her Queen of England, por dios. How can she be apart of this team if we know nothing about her. She is lying to us” Alexia ranted on and who knew how much longer she would have continued if not for Lucy interrupting her.

“Alexia, that is enough!” Lucy slams her fist on the locker before turning to her captain “She has come to this team and done nothing but good. She plays well for us and gives it her all on the pitch. Off it she makes the effort and yes sometimes she says no to things but isn’t that her right? You stand there as our captain but look at you, you’re nothing but a bully. I am ashamed to say i’m your team mate right now. That girl has been through hell these past couple of years and since coming here all you keep doing is reminding her of what has happened. You are obsessed with her. Look around, no one else is digging for information. No one is making her uncomfortable on a daily basis”

“She is lying to us. She won’t tell us where she was for over a year. She is hiding something and that isn’t fair on us” Alexia tried to defend her actions.

“Isn’t fair? Are you really that self centred? You have no right to talk about what is and is not fair. I don’t care if you are my captain, I won’t stand by you while you treat my best friend like she has done something wrong. You, Alexia, are a —“

“Lucy” The whole locker room turns upon hearing your voice “I have given up on Alexia, it’s time you do too”

“No! I won’t let her talk about you that way. You don’t deserve this”

“No I don’t but —“

“Y/N” Lucy begs you to let her fight you case.

“Walk away Lucy” 

A stare down takes place between you and Lucy. A few seconds later the defender grabs her stuff and leaves the room. To everyone else you are calm and collected but Keira recognises the look in your eye, you are furious.

“I want everyone to listen to me and listen good. My past is none of your business. To those who have let the obsession go, thank you. To those that haven’t” you look Alexia dead in the eye ��I want nothing to do with you. I will remain civil on the pitch. Other than that I ask you to stay away from me. That’s if you can respect my wishes. I know it has been hard so far”

You quietly gather your things and try to ignore the multiple sets of eyes on you. With each second you can feel your chest getting tighter and you know it is only a matter second before you will no longer be able to control your breathing. You just needed to get out of there, away from prying eyes.

The hallway is the furthest you get. Your mind was filled of flashbacks, the moments that you tried so hard to bury. The past was not a pretty place, not the last year, but you know that it was only a matter of time before it came crashing down on you. 

“Y/N, are you ok?” Mapi and Ingrid are by your side, clearly the couple had left just after you.

“Natalia, she, she” 

Ingrid and Mapi shared a look, who was Natalia? They had never heard you mention a Natalia before. Both of them didn’t know what to do. Whilst you had become friends with the pair, they didn’t know you well enough to cope with this moment. 

Luckily for them Keira appears out of nowhere. The English woman clearly equipped with what to do.

“Get Lucy, now!” She whisper shouted and Ingrid goes running hoping to catch the defender before she leaves.

“Keira—Natalia”

“I know, I know. We can talk about her later if you want. Right now, I need to focus on me. Can you do that?” 

You nod your head as tears flow down your cheeks. 

“What happened?” Lucy rushes over to you.

“We found her on the floor. She kept talking about Natalia” 

“She told you?” Lucy asks shocked. She knew you wasn’t ready to tell them team but in a state of panic you might be let it slip.

“No. She only said her name” Mapi says. She couldn’t take her eyes off you. This wasn’t a panic attack, no she had seen one of those before. This was something much more intense.

A few minutes pass and Keira manages to keep your breathing under control but you’re still not ready to move. Lucy, Mapi and Ingrid stay close making sure to tell anyone who passes to keep moving.

“What is going on?” Alexia asks with concern, a concern that doesn’t reach Lucy in fact her asking is the worst thing she could have done.

“Get away from her” Lucy is up on her feet and pushing Alexia backwards. She would has fallen to the floor if not for the wall behind her “This is all your fault. You see this, you see her, this is what you have done to her”

“Lucy” you reach up and take her hand. The defender used her strength to pull you up. 

You, Lucy, Keira, Mapi and Ingrid walk towards the exit of the stadium.

“Y/N” Alexia’s voice is soft and it is only now that she realises she might have taken things too far.

You turn around to face the Catalonian. For the first time since arriving you make no effort to hide the pain you have felt on a daily basis.

“I want nothing to do with you Alexia”

A week had passed and Alexia started to worry about you more so than she wanted to let on. Lucy and Keira were visibly worried about you and kept an eye on you at all times. She was confused at how things got this bad. Yes, she knew that maybe things had been taken too far but you didn’t show rage, your energy radiated nothing. You were numb. The Barcelona captain had no idea how to make things right with you.

You wore a smile on your face in front of the cameras and fans but behind closed doors it’s liked you switched your emotions off. Alexia asked Mapi about you but it seemed that even her closest friend was on your side. The zaragozian and her girlfriend had become close with you since the incident and Alexia didn’t understand why.

One night she found herself knocking on Mapi’s door hoping to find out how things got so bad.

When the captain was let in there is an evident scowl on Ingrid’s face which Alexia did not expect. The Norwegian excuses herself stating that she needed to go to the supermarket.

“Mentiroso” Alexia says to herself.

“Watch it Alexia. She has her reasons” Mapi jumped to her girlfriend’s defence.

Mapi leads Alexia over to the kitchen table and gets a glass of water for the two of them.

“You’re here about Y/N, aren’t you?” her captain nods “I don’t know what to tell you. What happened in the locker room was bad Ale. We didn’t leave the stadium when you thought we did. Y/N used everything in her to make sure Lucy didn’t do something she would regret. I don’t know what happened during those months but whatever we think it is, it’s so much worse. I shouldn’t be telling you this but she kept mentioning Natalia, I don’t know who that is but I think something happened to her”

Alexia thought she felt guilty about the way things went down with the two of you but that failed in comparison to how she was feeling now. To think that you were grieving someone and her questions were it worse for you, well it made her feel ashamed. 

She knew that she hadn’t been the most welcoming. Yes, you and her got a long on the pitch and yes, you were ok at training but she hadn’t made the effort she should have to make you feel at home in Barcelona.

“I don’t know how to fix it Mapi. You know I like her, I think she is amazing—“

“You were her biggest fan” the blonde teased

“But what if I’ve ruined any chance for being friends with her? What if what I’ve done is undoable?” Alexia ignores Mapi comment seen as though she knows she cannot deny it.

Mapi was at a loss for words. She always has had her friend’s back but there was something about you which made her want to protect you and Alexia was someone that you needed protection from.

“You need to give her space Alexia. This week alone I have seen you walk towards her then walk away at least 6 times. Y/N even asked me why you were doing it. You’re making the girl feel uncomfortable” 

Alexia mentally scolded herself for her behaviour which in her defence she did not think anyone noticed. 

“So space?” Alexia asks.

“Space” Mapi confirmed.

Alexia found it hard at first because she wanted nothing more than to make things right with you but she did as suggested, she gave you space. She saw you start to come out of your shell a bit more as December rolled on. The day game before the Christmas break you were playing in Madrid and that is when Alexia heard you discussing your winter plans with Keira.

“Keira, that’s a sweet offer but I’m sure. I’m going to stay in Barcelona, it is my home now”

The Catalonian took a little comfort in knowing you had grown the love her city despite the hostile behaviour.

“Y/N, it’s Christmas. She would want you to be home for that” your friend asked.

“I don’t know if I can handle going back for Christmas. It would hurt too much”

It felt wrong for Alexia to eavesdrop on your conversation so she leaves out of respect.

“She wouldn’t want you to avoid England. The two of you spent years in France and both of you said coming home to England was your favourite thing to do”

“Keira, stop. It was our favourite thing. There is no more our, no us. It’s just me”

Keira could see your hands shaking. This is the first sign of your panic attack so she drops the subject. She does suggest you going away with them for new years and you said you would as long as it isn’t in the UK or France. 

The team had one last recovery session before the winter break and it’s safe to say when it was done everyone was more than happy to go home. You wished everyone a Merry Christmas and without knowing it, Alexia is included.

“Feliz Navidad Alexia, por tu y tu familia” 

“Gracias Y/N” 

To Alexia this was a gift in itself. Maybe you were opening up to idea of forgiving her. After that you quickly grab your stuff and run off to where Ingrid was waiting for you.

After that interaction, Alexia couldn’t stop thinking about you. She also thought she was hallucinating when she saw your name appear on her phone screen. In the rush of leaving the training facility you picked up the wrong bag, only realising when got home a few hours later and your shirt had an 11 on instead of a 7. You texted Alexia asking if you could meet up to get your stuff back. Alexia, at that point was already at her mother’s house so she sent you that address and told her mum that you were coming over.

You tried to ease your nervous as you drove to your captain’s mother’s house. It was going to be awkward, this much you knew but regardless of the place you and Alexia were in, you wanted to make a good impression on her family. 

The knock was gentle as you stop on the door step.

“Y/N, hola. Adelante”

You didn’t know that word meant but you put two and two together and guessing in meant come in so that is what you did. Eli leads you to the living room after telling Alba to go get her sister. Eli headed back into the kitchen and left you in the living room. You didn’t want to take a seat, it wasn’t that kind of visit so you looked around and a wall of photos gains your attention.

Alexia couldn’t have been more than 7 years old. She was adorable. Next to her stood her younger sister and behind her, her parents. You didn’t recognise the man so you assume Alexia’s father works away a lot as you have never seen him at a game.

“That’s Jaume, Alexia and Alba’s father” Your cheeks flush in embarrassment at being caught stooping.

“And your husband” you turn to face the woman “I haven’t seen him around, does he work in a different city?”

“Jaume passed away a little over ten years ago” 

She is a widow, like you. That is the first thing you thought. In that moment you had so many questions for her but this is a woman you had only just met. It’s not exactly the small talk she would be expecting. The two of you go quiet and you guess she is thinking about her lost love, just as you are thinking about yours.

Alexia comes downstairs, your bag in hand but stops at the door was upon seeing you in conversation with her mother. Alba nudges her forward but she doesn’t move. The two of them watch you.

“Does it ever get easier?” The question was out of your mouth before you could stop it.

The two sisters share a look. They had no idea what you were talking about and by their mother’s response, she didn’t either.

“Que?” As expected, the question catches Eli off guard.

“Living without the person who promised you forever” you turn to face the older woman with tears falling down your cheek.

“Oh Querida, come here” 

You feel comfort in her arms and for a brief few seconds you forget that she is a stranger. In this moment she is someone who understands your pain and that is more than enough for you. When you pull away you see Alexia and Alba, you feel extremely exposed.

“Hi. You must be Alba” you wipe the last of your tears and extend your hand towards the younger Putellas.

She swats away your hand and pulls you into a hug.

“So formal” Alba laughs “you’re even hotter in person” 

“Alba!” Both Eli and Alexia scold her.

“What? I’m being honest” 

“Thank you, I think. Is that mine?” You point the bad Alexia is holding.

“Yes. Sorry for the mix up” 

“No, no. It was my fault. I was running late for dinner with Ingrid. I left yours in the hall as I wasn’t sure where to put it”

Alexia stared at you almost as if frozen in place.

“Was I not suppose to do that? I can go get it for you”

“This is the most you’ve spoken to me since joining” Alexia was honest with what she was thinking.

“It must be the Christmas air” you laugh a little “speaking of, you three clearly have plans so I will leave you be” 

Eli tries to get you to stay but you can’t. The woman knew too much and even though shared the same pain, you knew it was only a matter of time before the pity eyes came. You also didn’t know how much the two sisters had heard.

Alexia asked and asked what the you and her mother were talking about but the woman refused to tell. The only answer Alexia got was to be careful with you and that not all is as it seems. It seemed to be enough for Alexia but she wasn’t giving up on you, not just yet.

She kept an eye on you over the Christmas break and just as you said you stayed in Barcelona. Alexia all but stalked your Instagram and even went as far as texting you some recommendations. You felt something towards the midfielder and it made you think that you might have been a little harsh on her. You made a mental reminder to speak to her once the break was over.

The first game back was away to Bilbao and it brought you the perfect opportunity to speak to Alexia as the two of you were roomed together. It was late by the time you got there so everyone went straight to their room. 

“Oh Y/N I don’t know what happened” Alexia says as she swiped the room key. 

“What are you — oh I see” 

There was only one bed, albeit a large double bed. 

You hadn’t shared a bed in almost a year and you wasn’t sure if you were ready for it. Now you had to find  a way to explain this to Alexia.

“I’ll sleep on the floor” Alexia suggests and even though you weren’t ready, you also knew you wasn’t going to let her do that.

“Alexia you are one of the most important players on the team. I cannot let you sleep on the floor. Take the bed, I’ll take the floor”

“Y/N, you are important too. You are our highest goal scorer. I am taking the floor, don’t argue with your captain”

She refused to take no for an answer and you hated it. When you came out the shower Alexia was on the floor and it looked awful. It was almost funny and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Don’t say anything. Bed” Alexia laughed along with you.

The room was dark except from the street lights then peaked through the curtains. Sleep wasn’t coming easy to you and by the sounds of tossing and turning, Alexia was struggling too. 

“Alexia, come sleep in the bed” The thought of having someone sleep next to you wasn’t something you necessarily wanted but Alexia sleeping on the floor wasn’t fair.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable” 

There was something in her tone. She wasn’t talking about sharing the bed with a team mate, she was talking about sharing a bed in general. 

“She told you” Eli had to have told alexia about your conversation. 

“Who?” Alexia asked even though she knew you were talking about her mother. 

“Your mother. She told you about what I said”

“I asked but she didn’t tell me anything. I’m sorry that something happened to your friend” 

You sat up upon hearing her condolences. 

“My friend. What are you talking about?” 

Alexia, now sat up too, looked at you as if saying you know what I’m talking about.

“Natalia?” 

She said her name. Nobody had said her name. They knew it would cause too much pain. 

In that moment you are brought back to the last time someone said her name. It was the 5 November 2023 in a hospice not to far from your shared home in London. Natalia was the strongest woman you knew and no one would ever come close to her in your eyes. Yet just after Euros she told you that her time was coming, that the cancer was starting to win. You begged her to fight, you weren’t ready to lose her but you knew that you had been on borrowed time for many many years. The last person to say her name was a nurse as your wife took her final breath before she was called home.

“She was my wife” you could feel your nose twitch as a ball of emotion built in your throat. You knew the day was coming when you talked about her but you didn’t think it would come in Bilbao with Alexia now sitting at the foot of your bed.

The Catalonian knew she heard you correctly but she still sat in disbelief. She had no idea you were dating anyone let alone you were married. Alexia could do nothing but watch as you bury your head in your hand as your body racks with sobs. She wants to hug you, to hold you and to tell you to let it out but you weren’t that close. 

When you aggressively wipe your eyes you notice Alexia looking prettified and you cannot help but burst of into a fit of giggles.

“I’m going to go get Lucy or Keira or anyone else who isn’t me” your captain panics and makes a bee line for the door. She is stopped in her tracks as your hand grabs her wrist.

“You don’t have to”

She didn’t believe you and that was made obvious as her eyes dart back and forward between you and the door. 

“Isn’t this what you have been wanting? To know why I walked away” you pat the side of the bed next to you.

You saw the hesitation is Alexia’s eyes. In that moment she wanted to respect your boundaries and you appreciated that but for the first time in a while the thought of talking about Natalia didn’t make you feel like you would break. 

Once she sat down you turn to face you and you saw the look many people had given you. She felt sorry for you. 

“I didn’t know you were married” 

“Not many people did. We never hid anything. If you look you’ll see her in a lot of photos, she always supported me” you get comfy knowing that this is going to be a long conversation “I’m a private person and all I ever wanted to do was protect her” 

In that moment Alexia understood for she too was a private person. She knew that she was in the limelight but she still kept herself to herself off the pitch. 

“How did she—“ Alexia stopped talking as soon as she realised what she was about to ask “sorry, I shouldn’t have said that” 

“Leukemia” you closed your eyes, took a deep breath and counted to three “she first got it when she was six. We used to take the day off school to go to the hospital. She would call me her emotional support friend” you laugh as you remember the way she made you wear a badge “she won the battle only for it to come back when she was 16 then again at 28. The third battle was the hardest for her and it was the one she lost” 

Alexia caught the way you couldn’t look at her whilst you talked about the hardest times of your wife’s life. 

“She sounds like a strong woman” 

“Oh she was the strongest. She went through so much yet you never would have known it. Natalia had this heart that was big enough to like up the whole world. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her. She supported me in the youths teams, was in the stands when I made my Arsenal debut and moved to France with me when I signed for Lyon. She said she’s followed me everywhere because she knew I’d be lost with her” 

When Alexia sees you laughing, she joins in too. 

“Things got bad just before the euros. I was so close to withdrawing but she begged me to go. She wanted to see me lift that trophy and I did, I did it for her. I didn’t know how bad it was until afterwards and I made the decision to be by her side. We did all the things on her bucket list. A couple of months later she couldn’t fight it anymore. Her strength was gone and the light was barely there. I was able to be by her side as she took her last breath” 

Alexia didn’t stop you as you got off the bed and made your way towards the window. She could tell by the way your hand went straight to your face that you were crying. 

“You wanted to know why I walked about?” You turned to face her and in that moment, knowing what she did, Alexia felt guilty. Guilty for reminding you of the loss you had suffered. 

“I walked away because I didn’t feel like I had a purpose. For so many years I played for her. I scored to see a smile on her face and I won my trophies so that I can give her my medals. I couldn’t return to Lyon without her and it felt wrong being in England” 

“Y/N I’m —“

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. You didn’t kill her, the cancer did” 

You hated it when people told you they were sorry for your loss. Why? Why are they sorry? You heard it so many times that it made you numb. 

Alexia could tell that you were feeling a lot right now. She wanted to be there if you wanted to talk more about Natalia but she also knew the importance of changing the subject when it’s needed. 

“Can I ask you a question?” She looked at you with a sincere gaze.

“You can. Is it about Na—“ 

Alexia shakes her head.

“Why Barcelona?” 

It is a question that she had been desperate to know. You have now told her why you weren’t ready to go back to Lyon but plenty of teams would have offered you a contract if you announced your return.

“I said it wasn’t about her but turns out it was. Talia loved Spain and Barcelona was her favourite place. I honestly thought I would retire at Lyon but she always said that if she could pick a team I play for them she would choose Barcelona. When I decided to come back, it felt right to sign for Barcelona. Also, Lucy and Keira are here. As you have seen, I have depended on them quite a bit and I knew that it wouldn’t be easy so having someone who knew made everything easier”

You could see Alexia processing what you had told her. 

“I’m happy you don’t play for Lyon anymore”

“Yeah, you might be able to beat them now”

Alexia stared you down and you wondered what her next move would be. Turns out you didn’t have to wait long because a pillow soon smacked you in the face.

You both burst into laughter when the pillow fight turns competitive.

“We really should be getting some sleep” Alexia says as she stands.

You took a second to think. 

“You can sleep in the bed Alexia. I won’t freak out you know”

“Y/N I can’t. Not now”

“Oh stop. I’m not some fragile little doll that will break if she shares a bed with someone. Now get in bed” 

You pull the duvet back and pat the bed. It is only when Alexia gets in that you realise she is on your side and you are on Talia’s.

“You know this is my side of the bed” Alexia says as she gets comfy.

You had your reasons for sleeping on that side. You want to be closest to the door in case someone broke in. You wonder if Alexia has a reason.

“Got to make sure no one comes in and kidnaps you. Buenas noches Y/N” 

You fall asleep that night with ease. You no longer feel the weight of keeping your emotions at bay and having Alexia knowing the truth makes you feel at ease around her for the first time since you joined the club.

From that day on things were different between you and Alexia. You found yourself spending more time with her than you did with Lucy and Keira. The two of them found it strange but didn’t question it. Whilst the defender was still very much protective over you, she did see a change in her captain which lead to her giving her the benefit of the doubt. 

Life in Barcelona was finally what you imagined. Even in January the sun was shining and the sky was blue, unlike the weather you have been used to. The pain in your heart was still there but for the first time in a long whilst you felt happy or at least the closest thing to it that you could feel. Alexia has invited you to family dinner which happened after every other home game. Her mother and sister made you feel welcome. You had become rather close with Eli as she would often reach out to talk to you and check in with you. She didn’t need to say much, the fact that she could understand was more than enough. 

Alba was quite the character and there was never a dull moment with her. She would relentless tease her sister and it had you holding stomach with laughter.

You had received some calls that made you think about a few things. You thought about talking to Lucy and Keira about it but you knew their decision would be biased so you confided in Alexia one night as the two of you walked Nala along Barceloneta.  She helped you work though the feelings that the question brought up and by the the time you arrived back to your apartment, which you learnt was in the building opposite to hers, you knew what your decision would be. 

During the game against Atleti there was a certain Dutchwoman in attendance. It was the second to last game before the Nations league semi final, a game that England has got to by the skin of their teeth. Barcelona came away with a 2-0 win and a lot of the players stayed out on the pitch afterwards to greet the fans that came to support them.

Sarina stood near the locker room and praised the team as they entered. 

“Are you here for Lucy and Keira?” Aitana asked as she walked down the hall.

Behind her walked the two English women, along with Alexia. The latter knew to expect her, it made sense for her to come see you in person. The other two clearly had no idea that their national team coach was coming.

“She isn’t here for them” 

Alexia’s words cause Lucy and Keira’s heads to turn in surprise. 

“Y/N’s still out on the pitch. She is playing with Irene’s son Matteo, shall I go get her?”

“No, I can wait” 

Just as three of them were about to enter they hear your voice followed by a child’s laughter. You walked down the tunnel with Irene and her little boy. Sarina saw just how happy you were and for a brief moment she regretted coming. She questioned whether or not this is what is best for you.

“Gaffa” you saw the look on your team mates faces and chuckled. Surely they knew it was only a matter of time before Sarina came knocking “Let me get showered quickly and we will go” 

“But we’re going out tonight. It’s team night” Aitana sulked.

“I’ll meet you guys there” 

Alexia and you shared a look. She knew what this conversation was going to be about and she was pretty sure she knew what the outcome would be and she was worried. You squeezed her shoulder and smiled before going into the locker room.

It was over 3 hours later that you finally enter the restaurant that the team were eating at. 

All heads turned to you as you walked through the door. The seat reserved for you happened to be next to Alexia which you don’t think was an accident. Lucy and Keira were sat opposite you and you see the look of suspense in their eyes. They hadn’t officially been told what you and Sarina were talking about but they had very good guesses. 

The rest of the team were having their own conversations and you didn’t want to make a scene so you nodded your head and that was enough confirmation for them.

“Yes!!” Lucy stood up suddenly and slammed her hands on the table.

“Holy fuck. Lucia, sit down”  

Lucy does as her told.

“Our captain is back” Keira said to herself. 

You tried your best to include yourself in the conversations around you but your mind kept wandering. You found yourself staring off into the distance. It is only when you feel a gentle hand on your thigh do you realise just how spaced out you were.

“Is everything ok? Did your coach say something because if she did then—“

“Stand down Ale” Alexia’s eye soften at the nickname. It wasn’t a new one for her but you had only just started calling her it and she loved it “I’m just thinking is all. What if I’m not good enough? What if I don’t have a place in that team anymore?” You lean into her and whisper.

“Y/N, they are your team. Yes you took some time away but you lead them for a long time and you told me they knew your reasons. It might take some time to get back into things but you will soon be back to how you were before. Besides if things go well for both of us then we will have a World Cup rematch on our hands and I want to see what might have happened if you played in the summer” 

Oh you didn’t think about that. You hadn’t given your upcoming opponents a second thought. Alexia was right. If England beat France then they will face Spain in the national league final. 

You thought there might be some awkwardness when you walked through the doors at the England camp but you couldn’t have been more wrong. Each player welcomed you with open arms and the players that you didn’t know as much treated you like everyone else did.

There were a few moments when you got pulled aside by Sarina for what she called her mental health checks. She promised that nothing said between you would be told to anyone else and you chose to believe her. You were honest about how heavy the shirt felt when it had the England badge on and you told her of the nerves you were feeling about playing for your country again.

Alexia had kept texting you to check in and for the most part you told her the truth. It was the day before the match when you got overwhelmed and instead of lying, you chose to ignore her. You knew it wasn’t fair but wanted to stay focused. You could bury your feelings for 24 hours. Alexia on the other had wasn’t going to give up on you.

“Alexia” Jenni nudged her friends leg “Earth to Alexia” 

The woman in question had her eyes glued to the her phone as you sent you yet another message.

“What do you want!” Alexia snaps.

“Hey, don’t snap at me. Who you texting? Is it a girl?” Jenni peaked over her shoulder.

“No” Alexia pulled her phone closer to her chest “It’s Y/N”

“Y/N Y/L/N is a girl last time I checked” Jenni couldn’t help but tease.

“She but I don’t like her like that, well I do. Wait! I don’t” Alexia slumps down in her seat  “Oh Jenni, I don’t know how I feel”

Jenni hasn’t seen her friend like this in a long while. Normally Alexia knows what wants and isn’t afraid to go for it. This though is different. It’s almost like she knows what she wants but she is hesitating and Alexia doesn’t hesitate.

“It’s ok not to know but something is clearly bothering you. What is it?” 

“She is ignoring me”

“Last time I saw you you told me she didn’t want anything to do with you”

So much had changed since then and she didn’t know how to explain it. In the end she told her everything she could without going into the finer details. Alexia confesses her feelings and explains that she cannot get a hold of you and that none on your team mates were answering either.

“Alexia, I may not know why she stopped playing football but I saw the way she played, she loves the sport. Her playing for England again is a big deal. Everyone is talking about her press conference she did this morning, it’s all over social media” 

Alexia wasn’t aware of a press conference. She never goes on social media the day before a match because it is quite often a distraction. Jenni picks up on her friend’s obliviousness and gives alexia her phone so she can see what is being said.

Jenni was right. You are everywhere. 

Y/N Y/L/N makes her return but what does it mean? Why now?

Sarina Weigman confirm Y/N is the captain of this team despite turning her back on them.

Beth Mead ruled out for Semi final, should be back for final if England are successful.

World Cup rematch? Y/N says that Spain wouldn’t have won if she was playing.

Alexia read headline after headline, article after article. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed so she couldn’t imagine what you must have been feeling. The last headline made the Catalonian laugh because she too had thought about what the outcome might have been if you were playing.

“I think the last one is a stretch” Jenni mumbles.

“We will never know” Alexia is ever more determined to get a hold of you. Just as she was about to call you again, a message comes through.

Hi. Sorry I haven’t been around, it’s been a lot. Thank you for checking in on me Alexia, I promise you I’m ok. Good luck in your match tomorrow.

“She’s ok” Alexia tells Jenni as if the forward was the one who was worried about you.

The next day you wake up and are ridden with nerves. It’s not a familiar feeling and you know that you need to calm down before the game or things will end badly. 

Despite protests from your team mates, you will start the game on the bench. It’s the right decision and you make sure to tell Sarina just that. Whilst the team’s recent performances have been spotty to say the least, you refuse to walk back in like nothing had changed. You know you need to earn your place on the pitch with the lionesses.

Spain’s game has an early kick off and finishes just after yours starts. The team get back to the hotel and have organised to watch it the hotel bar. Much to Alexia’s dismay she is called for Media seen as though Spain won and have qualified for the Olympics. 

When she finally joins the team she knows that the first half is over but that’s it.

“What’s the score?” She asks anyone who is listening.

“2–0” Ona says.

“That’s—“ Alexia is cut off before she can finish her sentence.

“To Germany” Jenni knows that Alexia would have wanted England to win if for no other reason than you “Y/N is going on for Toone” 

She cannot help the smile that tugs at her lips as your number goes on the subs board. 

The world watches as Mary runs over to you and gives you the band.

“Welcome back skipper” Mary pushes the band up your arm before you can stop her because she know’s that is what you’ll do. She was there in the captain’s meeting when you told Sarina that you didn’t deserve the captaincy.

“Game on, Maz” 

It felt right being on the pitch and wearing the three lions crest. You allow yourself to take in your return but only for a couple of seconds before you turn your attention to the game and the challenge that you face. 3 goals was a lot to ask for when Germany are playing as good as they are. It wouldn’t be easy and it would take everything you had but you never shied away from a challenge and you wasn’t about to start now.

After about ten minutes you found your rhythm and England were playing the type of football they are known for. It doesn’t take long for LJ to make a run and dance around the opposition. You have faith in her but follow her anyways in case she loses the ball. She doesn’t but Frohms does save her shot, she doesn’t save your rebound though.

“Get the ball” You shout to the Chelsea player. 

When the match restarts, the lionesses are on the hunt. Shot after shot is taken but somehow the ball stays out the net. England get a corner in the 80 minute and you’re lurking on the edge of the box, ready to make your run. Popp is the one marking you because she has studied you new way of play since joining Barcelona. Chloe’s corner is pin point and no amount of research in the world could stop you from getting the second goal and tying the game.

Alexia finds herself up on her feet with Ona and a couple of your team mates when you get your brace.

“Vamos Y/N” she says.

“You do realise that we will face them if they win” Misa reminds her.

“Right now, I don’t care. She deserves this and I’m celebrating my team mate” Alexia didn’t care if she might face you in the final.

“She told you” Aitana whispers as she pulls her captain down to the sofa “That is why she doesn’t hate you anymore and why you’ve stopped interrogating her”

Alexia does nothing but nod. Her fellow midfielder didn’t need to know anything else and she doesn’t ask for it either. She accepts that the reason must be valid if Alexia has dropped her questions.

There are 4 minutes announced of stoppage time. 

When you look up the the score board and see the number you get flashbacks on the euros final. You have been in this position before and came out victorious. Today was going to be no different. 

It was huge mistake by Germany when Gwinn takes down Hemp about a meter outside the box.

In the past you have found yourself stood over the ball with Beth but this game it’s Alex who stands beside you.

With her hand over her mouth she gives you strict instructions.

“You’re taking it” 

It’s not a question and you don’t argue.

“You have saved us tonight, now get your hattrick”

The amount of faith Alex had in you did wonders but it didn’t settle every nerve running through your body. Free kicks were your specialty, this wasn’t nothing new and the pressure was a familiar feeling. 

As soon as you strike the ball you know it’s going in. It’s a hard feeling to describe but many call it shooters instinct, it had never been wrong and it wasn’t now. The ball floated over the wall and went in the further part of the top corner. The shot was unsaveable. You ran over to the bench, more specifically to Sarina, to celebrate with the woman who gave you space and welcomed you back with open arms. 

“It’s like you never left”

Her words caught you off guard. For a brief moment you agreed with her but you got hit by the feeling of grief, you looked towards the family section and there was no one supporting you. Maybe some things hadn’t changed but a lot certainly has. When the full time whistle was blown your team mates ran towards you, all of the congratulating you on your performance and your first game back.

It was a weird kind of celebrations that night. The team was split, half wanted to celebrate getting through the final and the other half knew the job wasn’t done, they knew that the biggest task was yet to be faced. Spain had beaten them before and on the greatest stage, the UEFA national league final could either repeat history and England could rewrite it.

The team travelled to Madrid that night, only hours after the game. Upon arrival almost everyone went to their rooms but not you. You knew sleep wouldn’t come easy so you decided to wander the streets of Madrid. It had become a habit of yours, you would walk around and people watch. Every human had their own story to tell and it made you forget about yours.

You had no destination planned yet you found yourself stopping outside a hotel, the one you know from your text messages with Alexia, was the one the Spain team was staying at. 

A lot of feelings were running through you and you saw this as the universe’s sign that maybe you should talk about them. You have confided in Alexia since Sarina first reached out to you, she knew more than anyone how you really felt about returning and you talked about this very moment, the hours after your first game when the past is very much present in your mind. You remember the words she told you ‘when that happens you call me’ so that is what you do or at least that is what you go to do.

“Y/N” you hear a familiar voice say. You turn to see Jenni, Irene, Laia and Misa walking towards you.

“Hi guys” your voice is quiet, shy almost and you cannot help the way your eyes scan for Alexia knowing full well that these are the people she spends the most time with.

“What are you doing here?” Misa asks you. The two of you hadn’t formally been introduced but you had scored a brace against her in the El Classico.

“I’m—“ 

“Here for Alexia” Jenni says with a knowing look and you cannot help but feel like she knows something you don’t.

You can only nod. Apart from Irene, you didn’t know these girls very well and the version of yourself that you show to strangers is very different to the one that your friends see.

‘I can take you to her. We are roommates” Jenni seems sincere with her words but you feel a pang of jealousy. Everybody knew that the two of them used to date, it shouldn’t bother you, you had no right to be jealous yet that is exactly what you were feeling.

You think about it and Jenni can tell you are thinking about it.

“She hasn’t stopped talking about you and I know she will want to see you. She was your biggest fan when we watched the game” Jenni added hoping to create some sense of comfortability.

“She watched my game?” You asked in disbelief. You thought you had no one but maybe you did, maybe Alexia was the someone that was cheering you on but instead of the family area she was cheering you on from the hotel you were currently standing outside of.

“She did. I think she forgot she was Spanish for a minute” Irene says which causes you to laugh.

“I doubt that but I appreciate the support. You know I shouldn’t be talking to you, you guys are the enemy now” 

“Yet you came here for our captain, she will be your enemy too. Come on, I’ll take you to her. We wouldn’t want you to be spotted outside our hotel, just think of the optics” Jenni once again says.

“Ok” you nod your head a few times to solidify your answer.

The girls lead you through the hotel but only Jenni and Irene stay with you, Misa and Laia walk ahead. The longer you walk the more you begin wondering if this was a good idea. What if you are overstepping your boundaries. You had no right to be here and could easily be turned away at any point.

You enter the lounge area of the hotel which holds the majority of the Spanish national team yet your eyes search for only one. She see’s you before you see her and is walking over to you with a worried look on her face.

“Estas bien? What are you doing here?” Alexia’s arm rests on your shoulder.

“It was an accident. I was out for a walk and I ended up here” you explained.

“She was asking for you” Jenni says even though technically it wasn’t true. In her eyes she wanted to play matchmaker after it was made evidently clear that Alexia was hesitant to peruse things with you even though she had feelings for you.

“Is this true?” Alexia asks and you nod.

“We won, I returned, I scored, wore the armband and I didn’t have anyone is stands” you whispered so only she could hear you.

The look in your eyes changed. For the first time that night you showed your true emotions. Alexia didn’t need to hear anything else. She grabbed your hand and escorted you to the outdoor seating area. She sat down whilst your paced the patio.

“Y/N, come sit down” Alexia pats the seat next to her and you comply “Are you ok, really? What made you come here to me?”

“I’m not ok but I’m more ok than I thought I would be. It’s been quite a day, that game was —“

“Incredible. You changed the entire play” 

“It felt right. I belong on the pitch with the girls, I should never have left” You didn’t register that you felt guilty about your absence until you said the words out loud to Alexia.

“You needed to. You had to process your loss and you returned when you were ready”

Alexia was very understanding, you had to give her that. 

“That answers my first question but the second” the Catalonian didn’t want to push but there had to be a reason and until she heard the truth she was filled with worry. You had been walking the streets of Madrid, alone, at almost midnight.

“Why am I here?” You repeated it. Maybe you hoped that hearing the question again would help you figure out an answer, it did “I wanted to celebrate…….with you. I was surrounded by my team, people I consider family yet you were the one I wanted to call and tell about the game”

You dipped your head when you felt yourself getting emotional. You were suppose to be happy but with everything you were feeling you were overwhelmed. On top of what you were feeling you couldn’t ignore the way your heart beat twice as fast because Alexia was sat opposite you with her hand now resting on your thigh. 

When you looked up Alexia noticed the the tears in your eyes and was quick to wipe away one when it fell.

“I shouldn’t be feeling this way Alexia, it is wrong” you met her eye as you made your version of a confession.

“You can be happy about playing football again Y/N. Natalia would have wanted you to be”

“Don’t say her name, not now” you shook your head and Alexia’s hand fell back to its prior place on your thigh.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep. I can give you space if that what you need” the blonde stands, ready to leave you be but you grab her hand and pull her back down.

“I don’t want space and that is the problem. I wasn’t talking about the game Alexia. I shouldn’t be feeling this way about you” you shook your head in disbelief. You were sure that your shot of happiness died with your wife but you have developed feelings for Alexia and could no longer deny it.

“Y/N” Alexia cupped your face so that you would look at her but when you did, her hand didn’t move.

“Ale” you melted into her touch. That very touch gave you butterflies and you enjoyed the act of intimacy.

The two of you went silent but each of your thoughts were very loud. Alexia glanced at your lips, you knew what she was about to do and you didn’t stop her. Maybe you should have, maybe you should have pulled away but you didn’t. You didn’t move when her lips hovered centimetres from your own, you let her kiss you. You froze in the moment, like a deer in headlights. It was only when you closed your eyes did you realise what was happening. The kiss felt like you were cheating, it felt wrong yet felt so right.

“You shouldn’t have done that. We can’t do this. It was wrong” you pushed Alexia away and stood up hastily.

You stormed away before Alexia had the chance to speak. All eyes were on you as you walked through the sea of Spanish players. Their eyes went from you and then to Alexia who was running through, trying to catch up to you. She was hot on your heels until you turned to face her. She waited a couple of seconds before taking steps towards you.

“Stop” you say but she doesn’t “No!” you held you arm out to further imply your seriousness.

After that she can do nothing else but watch you walk away from her. Her hazel eyes stayed on you until you were out the lobby doors and onto the streets of the Spanish capital.

Alexia was frozen in place. She has ruined everything by rushing but she felt something when she touched you, she felt a spark and that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t feel the same thing she did. You told her that had feelings for her, you came all this way to see her. Those things meant something but maybe she had read it wrong, maybe it had all been in her head.

“Alexia, are you ok? You’re crying” Irene appeared in front of her. The woman in question was quick to wipe her eyes in hope that no one else would see her tears.

“I’m fine. It’s getting late, everyone should go to their rooms. We have a final to prepare for and we need to be at our best” Alexia walked away.

The two of you were very quiet in the upcoming days and were laser focused on the task at hand. Beat the opposing team and being the first even UEFA Nations League champions. Both of your team mates could tell something was wrong but they didn’t know what to do. Your team mates wasn’t aware of your late night adventures until Aitana texted Keira to ask if you were ok and told her that Alexia wasn’t after you showed up at their hotel. The English midfielder kept this to herself given that Lucy has only just got started talking to Alexia and there were a few players on the team who’s protectiveness could rival the defenders.

By the time the day of the final came around there was plenty of reason for concern but both teams knew that this is what you had been working towards. Yes, a trophy was on the line but it was the previous trophy that was the topic of conversation. 

The first time Alexia saw you was when they arrived for the pitch inspection. You were near the goal with LJ, it has become a new pre match routine for the two of you. Well you did it the game a couple of days ago and you won that so the two of you gravitated towards the goal today. 

Alexia wanted to go to you and that is what she was going to do until she felt a hand grab her wrist.

“Alexia” 

She turned to face Keira.

“Leave her be”

“I didn’t mean to upset her. We were talking about feelings and then I kissed her, I couldn’t help it. It felt right in the moment” Alexia couldn’t stop talking. It’s like was making a confession and Keira would be the one deciding whether or not it was a sin.

Meanwhile the English midfielder couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Sure she had suspected something was going on between the two of you but she also had a strong sense that you wasn’t ready for anything knew. In her eyes you were still healing.

“You kissed her?” Keira whispered as not to bring attention to their conversation.

Alexia was about to explain further but Keira stopped her as she sure her other team mate coming towards them.

“Lucy is coming. I will talk to you about this later” 

It was as if Keira flipped a switch. Her look of concern was replaced with a smile and she even put on a fake laugh so Lucy wouldn’t arrive to an awkward silence. Soon enough it was a gathering of Barcelona players yet Alexia could stay focused on what her friends were saying for you were beginning to walk towards her.

In your eyes you wanted to talk to Alexia and you knew you needed to. The other night was a lot for you to process but you did owe her an explanation for leaving, that much you did know. She looked good as you watched her enter the pitch. You let your eyes linger in the most discreet way possible. 

“You and Putellas?” LJ asked you. She wasn’t aware of what happened, nor did she know you were married. In her eyes, you were hiding something and she wasn’t wrong.

“We are friends…..I think. It’s complicated” you admitted knowing that Lauren wouldn’t push you further.

“Uncomplicate it” she suggested.

“If only it was that easy. Let’s head in and get ready”

You felt the change in heartbeat again as you got closer to where Alexia was standing. Your head might have been all over the place but you heart was being very clear in what it wanted only you weren’t ready to admit it.

“Y/N” Alexia shouted to you as you walked past her.

“Hi” for whatever reason, you pulled her into a hug “Good luck today, you’re going to need it” 

You both started laughing at the quick change of energy.

“I don’t think it’s us that need luck. We beat you in the summer” Alexia was cocky but she wasn’t confident.

“You didn’t beat me though” you couldn’t help but smile at her.

Your smile was genuine and that is something Alexia took great hope in seeing. Maybe you weren’t mad at her, maybe you just needed a little space.

What you said next doubled that hope.

“Come find me after the game”

Then just as quick as the hope was there, it wasn’t.

“We need to talk”

Those 4 words struck fear in Alexia but she didn’t have the chance to say anything because you were already down the tunnel by the time she came to her senses.

Your was brought up several times in the Spanish locker room and each time all eyes fell to Alexia for she is the one that knew you most. She had learnt how you think, what plays you are going to make before you make them. In her team’s eyes she knew how to stop you. Only it wasn’t that easy. Alexia did knew how you play but that style changes when you are hungry, like you have a point to prove and this game brought both of those things.

“Stop focusing on Y/N! If you focus on how to stop her then you’ve already lost. Focus on stopping her from getting the ball” That is the last thing she said before heading out into the tunnel. 

The lionesses were waiting for her, she expected it. It was an intimidation tactic. You weren’t there and that was a surprise, she would have bet good money that you would be in the starting 11. Mary stood opposite her and smirked when she saw the look of bewilderment on the opposing players face. 

Alexia wanted to say something, she kept looking back at the team. If she was paying attention she would notice that there was only 10 players on the England side of the tunnel. With her eyes now facing forward she didn’t see you walking towards the front of the line. The sound of your cleats fell on deaf ears.

Her head shot to the side when she caught a glimpse of you standing next to her with the pendent in your hand.

“Capital Y/L/N, nice to see you back where you belong” Alexia covered her mouth, her being well aware that there were cameras on her.

You shake your head at her greeting.

“Captain Putellas. You’re going to wish I wasn’t” you had one last attempt to get in her head.

“No I won’t. Win or lose today, this is something the world, myself included, has been waiting for” 

You thought you would get a smart remark not a reply that was genuine.

“Alexia” 

“Y/N” 

Those were the last words spoken except from a good look after the coin toss.

You called a huddle before everyone got into place. This game was important, not only because of the trophy on the line but it was the lionesses chance at redemption. To prove that it was only one game.

“I want you all to do something for me. Play for right now, not for the past. You cannot change what happened in the summer, no matter how hard you try. Winning today won’t get you the star on the shirt but it can be the reset you guys have been wanting. That loss has been haunting you, I can see it by the look on your faces and I promise you here today that if you play with revenge in your hearts then you will fail. Yes, this is Spain but we are England. We don’t stay down, we get up and fight. We stand together as a team, a pride. We go out there and leave everything on the pitch” 

Each player is hooked on every word as you give Mary the signal. 

“England on three” 

You all come together one more time before getting in position.

Alexia tries to do the same by most of the team is watching you.

“She is going to make it hard” Olga tells her captain.

“She is going to make our lives hell for the next 90 minutes but that’s not to say we can’t give it back. Look at that star on your shirt, we got that by beating this team. Yes, Y/N wasn’t playing but she is one player. As good as she may be, we are better. You’ve seen what everyone is saying, they are calling our World Cup win a fluke, that we didn’t win but England lost. We may have qualified for the Olympics but our job is not done. We have a trophy to win. Vamos Espana” 

Just like England did, Spain come together before readying themselves for the game.

The game which starts in the worst possible way for the away team. It seems the your players might be a bit more nervous that they are letting on. Inside the first 15 minutes Salma gets through on goal and sends Spain up 1-0. It wasn’t ideal but it didn’t mean the game was over either. You were playing safe, as a way to get the most out of the team around you. When the first half is done with you haven’t take a single shot on goal. 

Spain entered the tunnel happy and England entered it less so.

The atmosphere was eerie in the locker room and you could see the self doubt radiating off your team mates.

Sarina takes the floor and explains all sorts of strategies but nobody is listening. They are in their own head.

“Do you mind?” You walk up to Sarina hoping to have a talk with your team. The coach happily steps aside.

“How many of you are thinking about the World Cup? Raise your hand” nobody does and you decide to call bullshit “You’re lying and I won’t have that. You are telling me none of you are out there thinking of the summer? the picture of them lifting the trophy that should have been yours?” 

One by one players begin lifting their hands.

“I can stand here and say I haven’t been good enough. I need to be better and I will be better. In 45 minutes we will be crowned champions. The question is are we going to do it in style or are we going to make it harder for ourselves? We know what we need to do and we will do it” 

You leave the locker room and go back out onto the pitch. You are the first one out there and you take a minute to look at the score board. 1-0. You hated to lose but more than that, you hated to let people down. You made the decision to come back and you didn’t do that to come second.  You returned to be a champion and to make Natalia proud, you wasn’t doing to let her down. You had spent the past couple of days trying not to think about her and maybe that was the problem. She was your greatest strength, your biggest supporter and she may be no longer with you, you may be beginning to move on but that doesn��t mean you have to forget about her. No, you need to play for her just as you always did.

The first ten minutes of the second half it was like a different team was on the pitch. England were pushing and pressing and Spain were struggling. In the 67 minute was when the game was made even once again. You and hempo were tiring out the defence and it made them vulnerable. On one counter attack they couldn’t keep up. Irene was the only player standing between you and Cata but she could see Hempo running up beside you. She found herself in a lose lose situation so she stuck with you in hopes that the pressure would work, it didn’t. You pull her in just enough to give hempo enough space. At the last minute you passed to your left and she fired the ball into the back of the net.

Game on.

Spain were beginning to tire and the one touch football that was known around the world began to work in favour of England. They were unable to play out from the back because you, Alessia, Hempo and LJ was pressing the defence. It was mind play and it was working. 

It was during a corner where things got interesting.

“Keep going!” You clapped your hands to rally the team “we are in their heads, now we end it” 

“You’re not in our heads” Alexia says as she chooses to mark you. It was a tactic they hadn’t done yet, so far Jenni had marked you.

“Just you saying that is proof that we are but feel free to prove me wrong” you had a minute to talk as the ref walk talking to Lucy and Irene.

“I will. Let’s make it interesting. You score right now and I’ll buy you a drink later”

“So that means I’ll be taking the trophy and your money? Oh you’re on” 

Alexia followed you are you walked around the box as you got into position. You would end up in one or two places; front post or in the middle. Never did she think you would make a run for the back post and swap positions will Lucy. The change caught Alexia out and when the ball hit the back of the neck she shook her head in defeat. 

She had played right into your hands. You had pulled her in with your words and left her hanging when you celebrated what would go on to be the winning goal of the game.

You had to take a moment when the game was over. Everyone was celebrating but you and Lucy made the effort to congratulate your club team mates of a game well played.

“Ay, Capi. You’re predictable you know that?” Lucy threw her arms around the Catalonian.

“Lucy!” You slapped her on the back of the head “What she meant to say is you guys played a good game and that we will see you in Paris”

“We’ll see them in Barcelona” Lucy tried to correct you.

“I mean on the pitch as opponents, idiot”  

Alexia was to focused on what the defender said first to hear the bickering that was now taking place between the two of you.

“What did she mean?” Alexia asked you.

Lucy gave you a look before leaving the two of you be.

“You once told me that in order to see yourself as the best, you had to beat the best. Tonight you wanted to beat me”

“No, I —“ 

“You did and that’s ok. I wanted to beat you too. It’s our competitive nature. That need you had allowed us a way in. I didn’t know it would come from a corner, only that in at least one part of the game you will stick to me just so you could say you got the upper hand”

“I should have dropped you off, let Irene pick you up and followed Lucy” Alexia understands the error she made.

“You should have but don’t beat yourself up about it. That wasn’t our first plan or second. Our plan was for Hempo to tire Ona out and for Lucy to get inside Olga’s head. Without those two things happening, we wouldn’t have got the corner in the way we did”

Alexia didn’t know whether to be pissed off or impressed that you read her and her team so well.

“You deserve the win today. Go celebrate with your team” 

“I will but remember you owe me a drink. I’ll text you the address of wherever we go. Invite the girls too”

Alexia watched you walk away but there was one more thing she wanted to tell you only she feared it would do more damage than good. In the end she bite the bullet and ran to you.

“Y/N” 

“Hi again” you laughed “Do you want another explanation of our strategy? We can always watch the game back when we in home in Barcelona” 

Home in Barcelona. There is something about the way you said it that made alexia feel warm and fuzzy inside.  She quickly shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts and the overthinking that came with them.

“I just want to say that Natalia would have been proud of you today. Not just today but the other game too. I know it’s not my place to say that because I didn’t know her but you should know that. You—“ Alexia began rambling.

“Breathe. Thank you for saying that. I know she is looking down on me right now with a huge smile on her face and truth is if I think about her too much then I think I might cry so I don’t want to go into that right now. Thank you though” 

Alexia couldn’t help but feel like she shouldn’t have said that.

The ceremony went by in the blind of an eye. One minute you are waiting for Spain to collect their medals, the next you are raising the trophy with Mary. Back in the locker room you find yourself staring at the medal on your neck. Never in your professional career had one stayed on your neck for this long and never has the gold felt so heavy. It felt like it was weighing you down so you take it off and stuff it into your back. You would talk about that means with your therapist if you had one. 

Later on in the night you found yourself at the hotel bar with the rest of the team celebrating. You tried your best to be happy and part of you truly was but you life off the field was becoming more complicated and hard to ignore.

“Excuse me” you tell the group that included Leah, Georgia, Keira and Lucy. 

“Should we be concerned?” Georgia asks.

“Yes but let her have a moment. These past ten days have been a lot for her” Lucy tells her friend.

They watched as you paced back and forth on the balcony. To the English it was warm outside but there was still a chill in the air and you weren’t wearing a jacket. Keira kept looking at her watch asking herself how long is long enough before she goes out to you. 

Some of the Spanish team arrive about an hour after the lionesses. Some of them go to the bar, some go to friend but Alexia, well she only had one interest and she couldn’t it or more specifically couldn’t find you. Her eyes scanned the room one, twice and third time. She had her phone out ready to call just as she sees you. 

Leah catches her walking towards you and wants to stop her.

“What is she doing” The blonde asks defensively “Y/N doesn’t want anything to do with her”

The Arsenal player has heard about you bust up when Keira visiting England over Christmas. 

“Things are different now but I’m not sure this is the right thing to do. Alexia!” Keira shouts her club captain over.

“Hola. Congratulations again. You guys sure know how to party” she tried to be polite even though she had no interest in a conversation with anyone who wasn’t you.

“Thank you” Leah seems genuine “Were you going to see Y/N?” 

Alexia nods.

“That might not be the best idea right now. I think she needs a minute to herself. It’s been quite the day for her”

“I know. That’s why I want to talk to her” Alexia knew that you might be been struggling but to her that was all the more reason for her to talk to you.

“She won’t even wear her medal” Georgia adds earning her a shove. As far as the English players are aware, Alexia didn’t know anything.

“That isn’t surprising. Every tournament until this one she has given her medal to Natalia” Alexia says as if it is the most obvious thing but your friends didn’t put two and two together.

“Wait” Lucy says “She told you about her?” Again, Alexia nods.

“When? She hasn’t talked about her since she passed” the defender added.

“After Christmas” Alexia explains but goes no further.

“That’s why she went to you the other night but then you—“

“Keira, I won’t talk about that right now. I just want make sure she is ok and I can’t do that if I am being interrogated by you” 

With that Alexia leaves your friends speechless and makes her way towards the balcony.

As quietly as possible, Alexia slides the door open and closes it behind her. She didn’t want to startle you so she watched from a distance. Your face wasn’t puffy so you hadn’t been crying but your posture was stiff so you were stressed.

“They’ve spent the past hour burning holes in the back of my head from their staring yet you have come straight out” you turn to see Alexia resting against the door. 

“I owe you a drink and —” 

“And yet your hands are empty” you point to Alexia’s hand which as you stated aren’t holding a drink “You can come closer you know. I’m not going to blow”

“I know it’s just that—“

“The last time we were along I ran away crying” you laugh as you think back to that night. Things were going really well until they wasn’t.

“Are you going to let me finish a sentence or are you going to keep talking for me?”

You mumble an apology and signal for her to continue.

“Your friends know I know and I accidentally told keira we kissed” 

“Figures. She has been hovering” 

The two of you go quiet. It’s not awkward, it’s comfortable but even then it’s not what either of you wanted.

“You said we needed to talk” Alexia didn’t want to push things and you had told her this before the game.

“We do. What happened the other night it—“

“Shouldn’t have happened”

“Who is finishing the other’s sentences now” 

“Lo siento”

“As I was saying” you send her smirk so she knows she isn’t in trouble “The other night was very overwhelming for me, not because I didn’t like what happened but because I did. I told you that I had feelings and those feelings are for you Alexia. You make me feel things that I thought I’d never feel again. I promised my heart and love to her Alexia and to feel these things for someone else is like an act of betrayal. It feels wrong but I don’t want those feelings to stop. You kissed me and I knew it was going to happen yet I didn’t to stop it. I shouldn’t have ran away like that”

“It was a lot for you, I understand that” Alexia tried to reassure you that it was ok.

“It was but I should have stayed. You wanted to talk to me and I didn’t give you the opportunity. Just because I lost someone doesn’t mean that it’s only my feelings that matter. I’m sorry Alexia” 

Alexia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Since you said the words ‘we need to talk’ she has been trying to think of all the things you could have said, an apology was not one of them.

“Can I say what I would have that night?” Alexia asks and you nods your head whilst closing the distance between you.

“Those feelings you talked about, I feel them too. Things changed between us after you told me and I couldn’t ignore it, trust me I tried. I was also aware of your loss and that this might not be something you are ready for so I talked to my mum one night. She is the only other person I know who has experienced the same loss you have. I told her that I had fallen for you and that I wanted to act on my feelings. You know what she told me? She told me that time heals all wounds but no amount of time is the same. If I wanted to prove to you that I truly liked you then I would need to take it slow so that is what I am willing to do. If you want to pursue this then we will take it slow, as slow as you need. You said it feels like an act of betrayal and I respect that. I won’t push you into anything you’re not ready for”

Alexia reached out for you and noticed once again tears were falling down your face.

“I have made you cry again. I shouldn’t have said anything. Y/N I am so sorry”

“Alexia, these aren’t sad tears” you reach for her hand  “I can’t promise you that this will be easy. When Natalia died she took a lot of my heart with her and I don’t know how much is left but I want to share what I have left with you. Please be patient with me Alexia because I don’t know how to do this again. For most of my life it has been her and I but now I get the chance at happiness again, with you. We can take this slow?”

“We will go as slow are you want. I have nothing but time for you Y/N”

Alexia knew what to say and for the first time in a long time you found yourself leaning forward. Just as you were about to kiss her she moves and kisses your cheek.

“Slowly Y/N” Alexia winked causing you to chuckle “How about we go for dinner when we return to Barcelona?“

“I would really like that”

“Me too. Now if I remember correctly I owe you a drink” Alexia holds the door open so that you both can rejoin the party.

“That does seem to be the case. Make it a double. It’s not every day you pull one over on La Reina to score the winning goal” you shoved her playfully.

[wosoamazing]

Unsteady

Alexia Putellas x R | Lionesses x R | Barça x R

Just a little something, it's a bit dark so do be warned, I may do a part 2 but I'm not too sure yet. 1.5k words. Please note R struggles with her mental health in this fic, and that there are also mentions of a suicide attempt

The ground was wet underneath your feet and bum, as you sat in the team huddle, positioned between Millie and Keira. Millie, having been the one to peel your body off the floor and practically carry your sobbing body over to the team huddle, where you immediately fell back to the ground, with your head between your knees trying to hide the fact you were sobbing but it was pointless your shaking shoulders, the way your chest heaved, giving you away. 

You’d let the team down, you said you were good to play but maybe you shouldn’t have. You let Lucy down, you promised her you’d fix it at half time, now sat opposite to you, her legs out in front of her as she tried to keep herself composed. You’d lost all composure the second the whistle blew, having collapsed to the ground, the negative comments you’d been ignoring for months now all flooding your thoughts. 

You’d never missed a free kick in your life. You’d never over kicked a free kick. You'd never let a free kick fall in the hands of the opposition. The look on her face when it went to her and not Keira, it completely floored her, it was the moment you knew you’d lost, all because of you.

Sarina knew you weren’t listening, as she spoke to the team, but she didn’t expect you to be, she’d only seen some of the comments, and it was too much for her.

Lucy was the only one who managed to get you up and to the stage, everyone else having tried and failed. You kept your head down, you couldn’t look at her, you couldn’t see her face, you were dampening her experience of winning and you couldn’t face that. You knew she loved you, you just thought her life would be easier without you, everyone's life would be easier without you.

You stayed out while they got their medals, purely due to Sarina’s arm around you. But she let you go, after they were done. You walked limped your way into the locker room, where you immediately slumped down into your locker, pulling your knees back up to your chest, your body shaking, a combination of your crying and the cold air. Your teammates began to slowly trickle in, each time reminding you of what you’d lost, each time the door opened you were reminded of what could’ve been.

-

“Monita,” she said softly, having stepped back from the best moment of her life to be with you in one of your worst.

“No,” you mumbled, not sure what you were trying to achieve, all you knew was that you weren’t deserving of her. You weren’t worthy of her love, and you definitely weren’t deserving of her name.

“I’m just here to help you,” she reassured you as she slipped your boots off.

“Don’t deserve help,” you tried to snap back but you couldn’t find room for aggression. Alexia didn’t listen, she just continued to peel the tape off your ankle, before placing a clean pair of socks on your cold feet. Before she continued to change you, removing the copious amounts of tape as she did so.

“You can stay with her, if you’re allowed,” Sarina told Alexia quietly, there being only a handful of people left in the room.

“I won’t be allowed, but I will,” Alexia replied. She had no idea what would happen to her, but she loved you too much to leave you, you having wormed a way into her heart from the day Eli brought you home.

Eli was hesitant about bringing you home, it was only 6 months after Jaume had died, she didn’t know how Alba and Alexia would react, however she’d promised your parents they would take you if anything were to happen, and she couldn’t break a promise but more importantly she couldn’t deny an eight year old of a loving home. If she ever needed reassurance that she made the right choice she would just need to look at three of you interacting. The way Alba and Alexia helped you, the way you made them feel so happy, the way you looked up to them. How Alba would always do your hair before your games, how Alexia always wanted you as her Mascot, how all three of you would curl up together on the couch or someone's bed and watch a movie together, falling asleep. They all showed how much you all worked, it was almost as if you were the missing piece to the sibling-ship.

“Why are you here?” you asked as you stared up at the ceiling, a blank expression on your face, whilst she moved about your room packing up your suitcase, knowing your flight was early the next morning.

“Because you’re upset,” she replied as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

“But why are you here?” 

“Because your my hermana, and when you’re sad I’m sad,”

“But I’m not your hermana, Alba is your hermana, I just live with you,” 

“Monita, that’s not true, you are my hermana,”

“But I don’t deserve you. I’m not good enough. I’m just a burden to the team. I shouldn’t wear your name on my back, I’m not worthy of it,” you recited the phrases that had been looping around in your brain for the past week. 

“Monita, Putellas is just as much your name as it is mine, you are my hermana, and I promise you Papá would’ve done the exact same thing Mamí did, you are worthy of our love, of our family, and you’re wanted, we couldn’t have asked for anything else, and you mean so much to me, more than you ever will understand,” Alexia’s words wash over you, no a single one soaking in, as you continued to stare up at the ceiling.

You were numb, and it scared Alexia. She’d been there when you hit your lowest of lows last time, it was when you first joined the lionesses, when you first wore a Putellas jersey. It was sickening the way people spoke about you, any comment section that had any minor relation to you they were in. When it was something that didn’t concern them. Something that clearly Alexia had no issue with. Something that had been spoken about for months. The comments were never ending though and no matter how many teammates, family, friends turned off their comments people still found a way to get to you. Alexia wished those people knew what their words caused, she wished they had to feel what she felt when she arrived home and found your letter, when she had to try and keep herself composed whilst she sped to get to you, knowing if she got caught you’d be gone. How it felt when she realised she’d made it to you just in time, how it felt to hold your screaming body as you begged her to just let you die. Alexia was scared you wouldn’t make it this time.

Alexia was lying in your bed with you, her arms wrapped around you, she was warm against your still cold skin, her heart rate and breathing had helped you to calm down slightly, like they always did. 

“Monita,” she said softly, as Lucy and Keira walked in, knowing she needed to leave, “I know you’re hurting right now, and I know it feels like it’s hopeless but please don’t let the darkness win. We need you, I-I,” she sniffed, a hand leaving your body briefly to wipe her eyes “Mierda, I need you. Please don’t go, even if right now it’s for me, we will work on it being for you, but if you need it, do it for me. I can’t promise that everything will be okay tomorrow, or next week, or even next month, but I can promise you that we will face it together. You are not a burden, and you’re stronger than you think,” she squeezed you tighter, as tears continued to roll down her cheeks, “I need to go, if I could I would make it so I could stay. I love you so much, so much more than you will ever realise,” she spoke as she slipped out from underneath you, Lucy taking her place, it was weird having Lucy, who were pretty sure hated you right now, comforting you, but if anything it helped, it helped to know even if you did make mistakes they still cared about you, even if it was only for Alexia.

[leahwllmsn]

loss of my life

alexia putellas x reader

Alexia never brings you up during her weekly lunches with Mapi. Today is different.

loml series

; angst

It’s a harmless question that Alexia knows the answer to. She doesn’t even know what prompts her mouth to ask that question, but she feels like dying inside with every thought of you, so she doesn’t see the harm in doing so.

“y/n?” Mapi asks back. “Well, you know… She’s good, I guess.”

Alexia rolls her eyes at Mapi’s attempt to be vague. “I’m not going to break.”

Mapi looks up at her, her eyes softening. “I know,” she stays quiet for a moment. “Do you really want to know?”

Alexia looks hesitant, but she nods.

“She’s happy,” Mapi states, looking anywhere but her best friend. “She’s seeing someone. Leah. Lucy introduced them.”

Alexia averts her gaze down to her food. She knows this, she sees Leah’s face every time she opens your Instagram–a habit that she should stop doing if she wants to stop the aching in her heart.

“Ale…” Mapi sighs, placing her hand on top of Alexia’s. 

“I’m fine, Mapi,” Alexia tries to act flippant about it, but she has never been good at hiding her emotions. “I’m glad that she’s happy again.”

Mapi purses her lips, looking like she’s about to say something. After a few seconds she does, “She asked about you too, you know.”

“Really?” Alexia hates how her tone sounds, as if she’s been waiting for that to happen.

“In passing once, when we were having dinner at her place,” Mapi takes a deep breath. “Just, how you were and stuff.”

Alexia nods. That’s better than nothing. That means you still remember her somehow.

As if Mapi can read her mind, she says, “She’s not going to forget you, Ale.”

“I wasn’t thinking about that.”

“But I know you.” Mapi places her utensils down, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “By the way, this food is so good. We should come here more often. I know Ingrid would love it.”

“I miss her,” when Mapi gives her a look, she corrects herself. “Ingrid. I was talking about Ingrid.”

Mapi looks at Alexia like she doesn’t believe her, but she says nothing. “She misses you too. She’s sorry she couldn’t make it to lunch, she’s been really busy these days.”

“You two are okay… right?” Alexia knows the answer to this too, but she just needs the confirmation.

“We are,” Mapi says, her eyes instantly lighting up. “We’re set to move to the new place next month. You’re coming to the house-warming party right?”

Alexia knows that if she does, she’ll see you. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to see you again, especially now that you have someone new. Seeing her ex-fiancé with her new girlfriend on a phone screen is one thing, seeing it in front of her own eyes is another. Alexia knows Leah is visiting. It was all Keira had been talking about.

Mapi, sensing Alexia’s reluctance, gives her a small smile. “You don’t have to... How about, Ingrid and I will text you when they leave, and you can come then?”

With the amount of gatherings Alexia has missed, she starts to feel bad. She knows her situation with you is placing their mutual friends in an uncomfortable position. So she swallows her heartbreak once more and smiles at her best friend. “Don’t be silly, of course I’ll be there.”

“If you’re sure. We can always have our own after-party.”

Alexia shakes her head. “I’ll be fine. Besides, I think I need to see the rest, they’ve been bugging to meet me.”

Mapi laughs. “Jana won’t shut up about how you only accept to go for lunch with Ingrid and I.”

“Yeah,” Alexia grimaces. “It’s hard when all of my friends are her friends too. Every time I see them, I just get reminded of her. I need the break. Besides, I’ll see you all when training starts again, so…”

“Do Ingrid and I not remind you of her?” Mapi looks genuinely curious.

“That’s different,” Alexia shrugs. “I’ve known you since forever, you’re my best friend. And Ingrid is Ingrid. I can’t just not see you. Even if you do remind me of her, I just have to suck it up.”

“Fair point.”

“What did you mean earlier, by the way?”

Mapi looks at her questioningly, “What about?”

Alexia stays silent, staring intently at her food. When Mapi is about to ask her one more time, she speaks up, “About her not forgetting me.”

“Oh, you know,” Mapi takes a sip of her drink. “When you two were together, you were always worried that she would forget you, which I still don’t know where that came from. She was crazy about you.”

“I don’t know either.”

That’s a lie. Alexia knows perfectly why she acted the way she did, but she’s never going to tell anyone about it. She knows that you deserve better than her, that she can never give the love that you wanted, and even though she still loves you, she wasn’t going to let you stay unhappy with her. Alexia knows that she wasn’t meant for you, she just needs to start accepting it so she can move on.

When Mapi doesn’t reply, Alexia speaks again, “It’s pathetic isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“Me.”

Mapi stares at Alexia in disbelief. “Don’t say that.” “It’s true,” Alexia shrugs. “It’s been a year. She moved on, while I’m still stuck here.”

“People heal at their own time.”

Alexia takes a deep breath. “Maybe I’m not meant to heal. I only gave her pain when we were together, maybe this is my punishment.”

“Stop beating yourself down, Alexia.” Mapi looks sad, and Alexia curses herself for always putting the mood down.

“I can’t help it, I’m sorry.” Alexia tries her best to give Mapi a genuine smile. “I’ll get better. For all of you.”

Mapi leans forward, taking Alexia’s hand in hers. “I want you to get better for yourself.”

Alexia knows that, but she still can’t help but feel that she doesn’t deserve to get better.

“I kissed someone else,” Alexia reminds Mapi. “When my fiancé was waiting for me at home.”

Mapi squeezes her hand even further. “I know you have your reasons. Not that I condone cheating,” Mapi grimaces. “It’s just… You loved y/n so much, you wouldn’t do anything to ruin your relationship. Something must’ve happened.”

“I don’t know, I can’t seem to remember my excuse anymore.”

Mapi shrugs. “Well, that’s in the past. Like you said, y/n has moved on. It’s fine if you start doing the same, Ale.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Mapi grins at her. “That’s better than nothing.”

Alexia smiles back at her. “Let’s go. You told Ingrid you’re on your way thirty minutes ago, she’s going to wonder where you are.”

And when Mapi laughs, Alexia can’t help but laugh back. “She can wait. I only get to see you once a week, I see her everyday.”

“You’re lucky,” Alexia gives a wistful smile. “Spending the rest of your days with the one you love.”

“You’ll find someone again, Ale.”

Alexia knows her answer, “probably not,” and she’s about to say that when she sees the hopeful look on Mapi’s face. So she puts on her best happy face and answers, “Sure.” 

[woso-dreamzzz]

Ma'am IV

Aitana Bonmatí x Royal!Reader

Summary: There's a lot of security

"Is it just me or was it so difficult to find a parking spot today?" Marta asked as she and Caro came into the locker room," There's a bunch of black SUVs everywhere plus some flashy red sports car."

"There's a bunch of guys in suits checking out the place," Irene said, hanging up her jacket and changing into the training shirt," I saw them earlier."

"Maybe they're like undercover police officers?" Keira offered up," Maybe they busted some drug ring?"

"At our club?" Patri dismissed, one brow lifted in judgement," We're not the mob, Keira."

"I don't know," Pina teased," It would be one way to sort out our money situation."

"It's not police and we're not the mob," Alexia said in greeting, straight from a meeting. She returned to her cubby, switching out her shirt for her training jersey and scraping her hair back into a ponytail.

"Do you know something about this?"

"Yes. I do."

Silence for a moment.

"Do you want to share it?"

Alexia shrugged, head jerking across the room. "Why don't you ask Aitana?"

In sync, everyone turned to look at Aitana, who shrunk a little under the weight of all the stares.

"Aitana?" Keira asked," What's going on?"

"Well...I...I may have gotten married?"

"To the princess?!"

"Yes..."

"You got married? To the princess?"

"Keira, I just said that."

Keira slumped into her cubby, mouth hanging open. "Sorry, I just can't believe it. I mean...Wait, does this mean you're a princess now too?"

That was what set everyone else off, all the way from the changing onto the pitch.

The suited men were practically everywhere, stern looking, muscular men with earpieces in and eyes that pierced the soul.

"Are they going to be here the entire time?" Keira asked, head swivelling to count all of them.

"Not everyone," Aitana replied," Apparently they'll all be here for the first week, setting up perimeters and checking security and then it should go down."

"Should being the key word," You voice behind everyone caused a few people to shriek in shock, another two people jumping out of their skin.

For someone that travelled with so much security, you tended to appear out of nowhere.

"But these guys can be a little overkill sometimes. You should have seen them checking out our new place. They kept us in the car for nearly three hours. I nearly got heatstroke."

"We wouldn't have let that happen, Ma'am," The tallest, most muscular looking of the assembled security said.

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah, yeah, sure."

Aitana let out a huff of amusement. "I thought you were in meetings today."

"They ended. I wanted to see you."

"You saw me a few hours ago."

You pouted. "What? I can't miss my wife now?"

"You're very clingy," Aitana said even as she moved into your arms, pulling your arms over her shoulders and resting her head on your chest.

"Yes, I know. It's my most appealing attribute."

"She's the clingy one?" Keira muttered as Aitana adjusted your arms so they drew her closer.

"They're just as bad as each other," Pina said back," How long until this marriage thing blows up? I thought royal weddings were meant to be massive."

"It was an elopement," You said, mouth curving into a grin when Pina and Keira realised you could hear their mutterings," But I'm sure there'll be an official announcement. I think my father is thinking 'small and intimate' for it. Something like 'done with close friends and family'." You shrugged. "You know, something official sounding rather than..."

"Rather than random beach in Greece."

"Greece?" Pina asked," Sounds romantic."

"So romantic," You told her earnestly," Especially when Aitana did this thing with her-"

Your wife's hand clamped over your mouth and you fell silent.

"Random beach in Greece?" Keira said, looking straight at Aitana with a raised brow.

Aitana's face turned red. "It was very romantic."

[helen-with-an-a]

You always have an excuse pt 2

Hi. So I got a request for a pt 2 of You Always Have An Excuse. This is a little angstier than I thought it was gonna go, but I really like it.

Barça Femeni x Reader

Part 1 : Part 2

Description: R realises what she's been missing out on

Word Count: 3k

After the final, when you had come clean about what was truly going on in your life. You hadn’t expected much to change. Why would you? You had once told a teacher, back when you were still in primary school, that your parents weren’t home much and that you hadn’t seen your mother in a few days. She had smiled and said that it was normal for parents to be working hard – it was how you could afford nice things – and she was sure you’d see your mother again soon.

When you landed back in Spain after the whirlwind of a weekend, you had pulled out your phone to order an Uber (you had decided to treat yourself rather than forcing all of your bags onto a very busy public bus and metro system) when a gentle hand came to rest on your shoulder.

“You’re on our way home; let me take you.” Ingrid smiled at you, sunglasses perched on her forehead, a very tired Mapí leaning heavily into her.

“No, it’s ok. I’ll just get an Uber,” you gestured with your phone.

“Mete tu culo en el auto.” Mapí grumbled, snatching your phone out of your hands and making her way to the car.

“Sorry, Søta, she can be a little grumpy when she’s tired. But she’s right. Go get in the car; I’ll bring your bags.” Ingrid chuckled, taking your bag from you without giving you much of a choice.

It felt nice being dropped off at your house rather than lugging your bags through the busy Barcelona streets. You waved goodbye to Ingrid and Mapí, thanking them profusely for their kindness and went inside, once again being met by a silent house.

“Mum?” you shouted out. “Dad?” You double-checked all the rooms after being met with complete silence. You checked the notepad they usually left by the kettle. They sometimes wrote notes for you, explaining where they were going and how long they were gone. Nothing. You checked the fridge—empty. You guessed they were going for a while, then.

You really wanted to just collapse on the sofa and let the events of the weekend catch up to you, but you had washing to do, and you really needed a shower. It was now that you really wanted a parent – someone to give you a massive hug, wrap you up in their warm, strong arms and kiss the top of your head, telling you how proud they were before guiding you into the bathroom as they stuck a towel in the dryer to warm up a little. But you didn't have that. Instead, you had an empty house, a mountain of sweaty clothes and an aching body. You hadn’t noticed the tears rolling steadily down your cheeks until you tasted salt.

This wasn’t you. You didn’t cry. You didn’t. You couldn’t. But after the final, you had experienced so many functional families that it truly showed you what you were missing. Alexia had brought you straight over to her Mami, where you were engulfed in one of the best hugs you’d ever received. She had kissed your forehead, telling you all about how well you had played and how you must come with Alexia for the next family meal. From there, you were passed to Ona’s family, then Keira’s, then Lucy’s. Almost every family had embraced you – squeezing you tightly as you melted into their arms. Was it a skill you developed when you became a mother that you automatically gave fantastic hugs? Maybe you were just so touch-deprived that you would relax into anyone who offered you a warm place to rest for a moment?

You were on autopilot as you went through the motions of getting ready for bed. You were methodical yet unthinking as you washed your body, hardly noticing the too-hot water and bruises littering your skin. You were going through the motions as you shoved your clothes into the wash – the dirty fabrics being shoved in without distinction. As you pulled on your pyjamas (really, it was a ratty old Manchester City shirt you had snuck from Lucy during her first season at Barça during an away match and a pair of La Masia shorts you think were Patri’s once upon a time), you longed for a hug. Something warm and comforting, but you had to settle with your bed. It was comfortable; the mattress was something you had forked out for when you received your first paycheck. The softness was something you usually welcomed – the high thread count sheets that cost you an exorbitant amount of money typically aided in your relaxation after a hard day at training. But today, they did nothing but highlight just how lonely you felt. You had been given a snippet of what you were missing, and you wanted … needed … more. The bed was too cold, the pillows were too soft, the room smelled like laundry and general cleanliness rather than comfort.

Your night was filled with tossing and turning – leaving you even more tired than when you had gone to bed. Just like last night, you were on autopilot. Turning off your alarm, having a shower, making a cup of coffee, eating a piece of toast – none of it you consciously did. You made your bed like you did every morning; you gave the house a quick once over – triple checking your parents hadn’t come home in the night; you sat down at the table, pulling out a piece of paper to make a grocery list when you heard a knock on the front door. You considered ignoring it – you weren’t expecting anyone. But it wasn’t going away. The banging got louder and more insistent the longer you left it.

“Sí, puedo ayudarte?” You said monotonously as you yanked the door out of your way.

“Cariño?” Alexia asked, concern seeping into her voice.

“Ale?” Your brows furrowed in confusion.

“Can I come in?” She asked, not really letting you answer as she pushed her way into your house. Alexia took your hand as she passed, the warm seeping into your bones, leaving a gentle tingle in its wake. You were dragged into the living room, Alexia pushing you to the sofa as she sat next to you, never letting go of your hand. “Your parents aren’t here, are they?” She phrased it as a question, but you knew she knew the answer. You sighed, shaking your head and shrugging your indifference.

“They’re never here; it’s no biggie.” You smiled meekly at her.

“No, that’s not true. It is a biggie. They should be here for you. You are a child; you need your parents. Parents give you hugs and tell you everything is ok. Parents tell you they’re proud of you. Parents don’t ignore their kid to the point where they don’t even know what sport they play, let alone that they have just won one of the biggest competitions in Europe.” She was ranting now. “Parents don’t leave the country without telling their kid. Parents look after their children.”

“Well, I’m not a child!” You shouted, interrupting her tirade. You also pulled your hand out of hers – ignoring the fact that every fibre of your being was screaming at you not to. Alexia looked at you, confusion evident in her expression. “I turned 18 last week.” You added quietly. That was a secret you had hoped not to spill. You hadn’t had to work too hard to hide your birthday; not even the Barça admins knew the day had passed. You made the mistake of looking at Alexia. You really, really wished you hadn’t. The hurt that flashed across her face did more to break your heart than anything your parents could (or couldn’t) do to you.

“We missed your birthday?” She asked so quietly you struggled to hear her.

“I didn’t tell anyone. You technically didn’t miss anything if you never knew.” You avoided her gaze, fingers coming together to fiddle nervously on your lap. Alexia stood up sharply, her unexpected movement drawing your attention once again.

“Stand up.” She instructed.

“What why?”

“Pack a bag, you’re coming home with me.” Her tone left no room for argument, yet you still tried to.

“Wha-why? No, I’m fine. It’s ok, honestly. It’s nothing. I promise I’m fine.” Your voice crack gave you away. You so desperately wanted to go with Alexia, to have her take care of things for you, to have her give you the warm hugs and soft smiles you had seen her give Vicky and Martina. You had always shied away from her contact, though, chalking it up to disliking physical contact. But now, after the weekend of hugs and kisses from loving families – you knew it was your subconscious protecting you from something you knew you wouldn’t receive regularly.

“Pequeña. This is not up for debate. Either you pack a bag and come with me, or I move in here with you. And I have a feeling that your parents, whenever they do return, would not want a 30-year-old woman living in their house uninvited.” She quirked an eyebrow at you, daring you to go against her again.

“I can’t,” you squeaked out.

“Why not?” Despite her firm voice, you could tell she wanted to figure out why you were so reluctant to leave this life behind. This was all you’d ever known. The isolation, the self-sufficiency, the hiding, and the lying. You didn’t know what would happen if you let yourself fall into Alexia’s open arms. What if she left again, too? There had been rumours swirling all over the internet. You couldn’t let yourself be attached to a singular person. It would hurt far too much if they left. You were fairly sure you wouldn’t be able to be fixed.

“I can’t,” you settled on instead of explaining the whole truth to her.

“Why not?” She asked again, the firmness gone as she saw your composure start to break.

“I …” The lump in your throat prevented you from speaking any more. You took some steadying breaths, willing yourself not to cry. Alexia crouched in front of you, ignoring the slight ache in her muscles as she ran her fingers up and down your bare thighs in soothing, repetitive motions. “If … if I let myself become too reliant on people … on you … and you don’t want me anymore … I think I might break.” You spoke so slowly, so softly, that Alexia had to strain to hear you.

“Oh, querida. No,” she surged forward, her strong arms wrapped around you, her warm scent invading your senses. "We will always want you. I will always want you.” She said so absolutely, and you had no choice but to believe her.

That was all you needed to hear for the dam to break. Tears bubbled over your carefully constructed walls. You sobbed and sobbed, her grip on you only getting tighter.

“But … wh … ho … I …” you blubbered, the tears getting more and more frantic.

“Shhhh, it’s ok, cariño. I’ve got you.” Her comforting words made you cry harder. You were limp as she rearranged the both of you, settling you against her chest as she sat back against the couch.

She let you sob into her chest for as long as you needed. She rocked you gently from side to side, her fingers scratching at your scalp as her heartbeat provided a soothing rhythm for you. Eventually, you calmed down, slowly drifting into a much-needed sleep.

Alexia could tell you weren’t at peace as she watched you sleep. Your eyebrows were scrunched, your mouth a firm line. Your fingers had wrapped themselves in her shirt so tightly she wondered if there would be a hole in the fabric whenever you eventually let go. She wished with her entire being that she could take your pain away. How could someone do this to their child? How could a parent look at their child and not want to love them the way they should be? How could anyone look at you and think you don’t deserve the world and more? If your parents weren’t going to be there for you, she certainly would be.

It was gone lunchtime when you finally woke. Alexia hadn’t moved an inch – it didn’t matter that her arms were sore or her legs had gone numb; you were comfortable, and that was all that mattered.

“Ale?” You croaked, your voice hoarse from crying.

“Sí, cariño?” She hummed, her thumb running gently over your cheekbone.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t …” you flustered a little, scared of her reaction after you had finally broken down on her.

“Hey, no … shhh. Está bien. Estás bien.” She rocked you again, much like a mother would rock her upset child. It was slightly awkward, given your size – but it was nonetheless comforting. “I still want you to pack a bag,” Alexia said, pushing some hair off your face. “You don’t have to come with me,” she added quickly, sensing your reluctance. “But I don’t want you here alone.” You sighed, knowing there was no way you would negotiate your way out of this one. “You could go to Keira’s, but she can’t cook very well, or Ona’s...” she mused "although you might have to put up with Lucy,” she added in a conspiratorial whisper. This made you laugh, a loud, weird huff that brought a similar smile to Alexia’s face. “I haven’t told anyone what you told us at the final. That is your information to share as, and when, you want to.” She implored. “But Mapí and Ingrid will take you in, no questions asked. As would Marta and Caro, Paños, Irene … any one of the girls will take you in. I promise.” You readjusted yourself, drawing back from Alexia’s chest in order to look at her. This was a conversation that needed to happen face-to-face.

“Is it … can I … stay with you?” You asked nervously.

“Absolutamente.” Her hand reached out for yours, her grip so tight it almost hurt.

“What about Olga?” You were reluctant to impose yourself on another adult’s life when they might not want you there.

“She already loves you, and she’s technically only met you, what? Twice?” She teased, her head dipping down to catch your eye. “She wants you there as much as I do. Prometo.” You took a deep breath, allowing yourself to feel the warmth of Alexia’s skin permeating into yours.

“Ok,” you breathed out, watching Alexia’s mouth spread into a wide, genuine smile you didn’t see too often.

------

Moving in with Alexia was the best thing to have ever happened to you. Long gone were the days of rushing for the metro and figuring out where your next meal would come from. Olga had embraced you with open arms – greeting both you and Alexia with identical hugs, forehead kisses and cups of tea as you made your way into the kitchen after a long day at training. Alexia had dragged you along to her family meal; her Mami was insistent on making sure you were well-fed and looked after properly. Alba had smacked Alexia around the head for not bringing you sooner but offered you a warm smile and asked about your week.

Ona had been informed of your situation that afternoon. She quickly showed up with a bag piled high with sweets that definitely broke your diet and demanded to know the Netflix password as she settled down on the sofa, bringing her arm around your shoulder and whispering a promise not too dissimilar to Alexia’s.

Keira had hung around after training one afternoon, offering a tight hug before telling you that her spare room was always open, and you just had to ask, and Narla would be all yours for however long you wanted her. That made you laugh, especially after hearing Lucy’s indignant ‘Oi’ from the showers as she heard Keira’s promise.

Eventually, you did tell the rest of the team about your parents. Jona was the first to know officially. As manager, he needed to know the situation as soon as possible. Alexia had been by your side the whole time, her hand in yours, and she sat with you, stepping in to explain things now and then when she sensed you were becoming overwhelmed. Mapí had wanted to kill your parents – threatening murder and retribution on them for doing this to her ‘niña preciosa’. Ingrid had been just as angry, although she had the forethought to contain her anger. She had pressed a long kiss to the top of your head as she engulfed you in a hug, insisting you come round once a week for a movie night and sleepover.

Slowly, you learned that it was good to rely on people. That it was ok to need help and have that safety net below you. The heartbreak you felt when you thought about your parents would probably always be there, but you learned that you didn’t need them. You had the team … and even if they left and moved away, they would always be there for you. They were one phone call, one plane, train, or car journey away.

Your biological family might have been shite … but you didn’t need them. You had your found family.

I hope you enjoyed it <3<3<3<3

[barcaatthemoon]

she keeps me warm || lia walti x reader ||

lia takes you home after you make your triumphant return to the lionesses.

minors dni, 18+, smut ahead.

as a proud lioness, you had a tough year. it was like every single time that you played, the team lost. you were supposed to be their miracle player, the one who came back from a career ending injury. instead, you felt like you came back only to play like absolute shit. and still, sarina and your teammates kept pulling you back in every single time you tried to turn away.

"gold looks good on you," lucy said as the two of you stood in line next to each other. you found yourself in between lucy and leah in the lineup. they were both a great comfort for you to be around. lucy had always been the player you'd looked up to coming up in camp. leah was one of your best friends, a presence that you had felt from the beginning when you were both in the arsenal academy.

"it's been a long time since i've won anything. i don't think i remember," you told her. lucy put her hand on your back and rubbed your shoulders.

"then let's remind you and all of them what they've been missing. maybe you can show off a bit for your little girlfriend," lucy said. you blushed at the idea of lia watching you in the stands. she was with your family, donning one of your club jerseys. you wanted to see her so badly, but she had been adamant that you needed your own space to focus.

you had hoped to see lia from the goal, but it was no use. your eyesight had admittedly been going a bit, so you couldn't see the way you used to. it didn't affect your goalkeeping much, but you were a bit sad about not being able to see lia or your family in the stands. however, you knew that lia's eyes weren't going to be leaving the goal, so you put on the performance of your life.

it was like you took every comment about how you couldn't make it back to your top form as fuel to help prove yourself. the crowd was on the edge of their seats as you took your place back as the commander of england's backline. you had been waiting nearly a year to take your place back, and today, you were certain that they'd mark this the day of your comeback.

"i know how big this is for you, but don't celebrate too hard mate. remember who's up there waiting for you," leah said as she clapped her hands on your shoulders. leah never seemed to be sure where you stood on hugs, so she opted to wait around like she did for keira. you grabbed her wrists and pulled her arms around you.

"we've missed you," lucy told you as she joined in on the hug. you were quickly surrounded by your teammates and being hailed as the hero of the tournament in their eyes. you had only really played the final and a couple of games that the team had lost when you first got back from injury, but they saw the work you put in the improve.

congratulations went around, as did a few drinks, before you went to see lia. she was easy for you to spot in the crowd. your arsenal jersey was a bit loose on her, and she had to be absolutely dying in the heat, but you loved seeing her in your clothes. you felt your heart skip a beat as she turned to you with your nephew in her arms, the toddler clinging to lia just like you did.

"bet you feel like a dunce for being so nervous," your younger brother teased. you tried to reach out and hit him, but your parents quickly put a stop to that.

"not in front of the babies," your mother warned the two of you. both of you looked down at the ground as you mumbled your apologies. "you played lovely today, deary. you've just got to come up home, they're gonna throw a celebration for you at the end of the week at the fish shop."

"i'll be up there mummy," you promised. lia handed your nephew back to your younger brother, the boy whining as you took his spot. you stuck your tongue out at him, laughing as he started huffing and kicking his legs.

"be nice," lia mumbled as she pecked your cheek. "are you going out with the girls tonight?"

"god no, i'm saving my party energy for the fish shop. they get wild there, i'm sure some of the girls will want to come along when i tell them," you told lia. as much as you loved a night out in london, it wasn't the same as bar hopping around in your hometown.

"you can go out. you don't have to stay in because of me," lia said. you leaned forward and pressed your forehead against hers.

"i want to go back home with you. do you know how stupid it feels to be in the city you live in and not be in your own home?" you asked lia. she laughed at the clear look of genuine annoyance on your face. "let me get cleaned up and then take me home?"

"of course, take your time baby. there's no rush, i can go down and congratulate some of our teammates," lia said. you smiled gratefully at her as you raced off to the showers.

…

"i see you redecorated a bit," you said as you pulled lia through your apartment. she hadn't put many things up despite some flowers and mood lighting, well aware that if you did decide that you wanted to bring things to the bedroom, you'd go straight there.

"i also put the nice sheets on the bed," lia told you. you let out a playful gasp, laughing as you picked lia up and carried her over to the bed. lia kept her arms and legs wrapped tight around your body, taking you down to the bed with her.

"whoa!" you exclaimed. lia had rolled you onto your back, pinning you down against the bed beneath her body. you let out a nervous chuckle, something that you always did in this sort of position. lia thought it was adorable that no matter how many times the two of you went to bed together, you always got bashful when she took charge.

"relax, let me take care of you. you've earned yourself quite the reward," lia said. she leaned down and peppered your face in kisses. each of them tickled a little until she reached your mouth. you had been smiling and laughing, and lia took the opportunity to slip her tongue into your mouth.

you moaned into the kiss as lia pressed her leg in between yours. everybody always looked at the two of you and expected for you to be the one to push things. they would have been sorely disappointed to learn how wrong they were. you were loud and demanding on the pitch, so it was nice to let go and listen in the bedroom.

"i am so proud of you," lia muttered in between kisses. you focused more on the vibration of her voice against your skin. she had her hands resting on your sides at the top of your ribcage. your shirt was pushed up, revealing your stomach and a few of the faded marks from the last time you had seen lia.

"i wanted to play good for you," you told her. lia's lips curled into a smile. she pushed your shirt up the rest of the way to reveal that you hadn't put a bra back on. you sat up just enough to pull it over your shoulders and throw it onto the ground away from the bed.

"you've been working so hard. i want you to completely relax for me. just let me know when you've had enough," lia said. she waited with her hands hovering over the waistband of your shorts for you to reply. with your consent, lia began to tug your pants down, pulling your underwear along with them.

lia licked her lips as she saw your body splayed out on the bed. there had been a quickie before lia's team was knocked out of the competition, but you hadn't been with lia in what felt like forever. it wasn't that you were addicted to having sex with lia, but you had allowed yourself to get used to being with her at least a few times a week.

"my gorgeous, gorgeous girl," lia whispered against your skin. you followed the trail of her hands with your eyes, only allowing them to flutter shut when she reached the apex of your thighs. lia had you spread out completely beneath her, open and waiting for her to make a move.

you were wet, something that lia could see before she touched you. the excitement from a good game always got you going like absolutely nothing else. your body was physically on edge from the adrenaline, which made you practically twice as responsive to lia's touch. that was her favorite time to tease you, especially when it came with away games and you were just stuck next to her on the bus for a few hours.

"i can't get enough of you," lia told you. she kept a constant gentle praise as her fingers stroked you. lia worked slowly, building you up until you were practically dripping before she slipped a single finger inside of you. you wanted to scream in frustration, but you trusted whatever lia was planning to do to you.

one finger was added to the slow and shallow thrusts, slowly and gently stretching you. lia began to go a little deeper, curling her fingers just where she knew that you liked it. the penetration was enough to have you rutting your hips as you tried to chase your orgasm. lia let you move around, assuming that you had energy to burn still.

"that's it, let me hear you," lia instructed. she dipped her head down, adding her tongue to the mix. lia knew just how to get you screaming without having to physically exhaust both of you in the process. in lia's mind, your body was easy. she had studied it night after night for months now. she spent every moment that she had with you trying to memorize every little detail about you.

"lia, i want to cum. can i cum, please?" tonight wasn't the kind of night where lia would make you beg, but it didn't feel right not to ask first. lia was always a little sweeter with you whenever you did things like seek her permission out. this was no different, and lia kept you on a steady build before giving you her permission.

"cum for me. i want to see you soak the sheets," lia told you. her words were absolutely filthy compared to the sweet and gentle way that lia handled you. she was with you every step of the way. she helped you through the high and was there to keep you steady when the effects of it started to wear off. "if you'd like to go again, we can. i just need to get some things first."

"no, stay right here. i just want to hold you for a minute," you told her. lia moved up to lay in your arms, but not before she kicked her shorts off. she was left in just her underwear and your jersey, which you would have paid anything to get to see every single night of your life.

"you're staring," lia told you. she had been in your arms for nearly two minutes with you just staring down at her. lia expected you to zone out a bit, but she didn't think you'd be that out of it. "do i need to order food now?"

"only if you can do it from bed, but if you have to get up to do it…" you trailed off as you started to play with your hands. lia grabbed your hands and pulled your attention back up to her. "can you take a picture for me? i think i need a new home screen."

"for your eyes only." lia straddled you and placed your phone in your hand. she positioned herself on top of you, allowing for you to get a much better picture than you had expected. "you can just owe me one until i get a few things."

"deal."

[magics-neptunes-things]

Feelings (1)

Hi guys :)

So this is a new serie and I wanted to thanks @cathhamel for encouraging me to post it. I don't know how many chapter it will have, it will depends of how much you like it I think.

I really hope you will like it.

Please enjoy ♥

TW : Suggestive.

PART 2 |

______________________________________________________________

As long as you remember, you always have been in love with Alessia. She is a year older than you, but she catches your eyes almost as soon as you met her. She was sweet, full of talents and of course everyone seemed to like her. You liked her too, but it was more love than friendship.

It has been five years, and you never told her anything. Alessia is straight, always talking about her boyfriend at the time or the boy who catch her eyes. You can’t say that she’s a great friend, you never have been very close of her to be honest. You are way more friend with Maya, who you know since your first step together for the Lionesses. Alessia is closer with Ella or Mary, it’s not that you don’t get along. It’s more that you become very shy when it comes to talk to her.

Maya knows about your long-term feelings for Alessia. She sometimes teases you about it, but you seem so desperate about it that she doesn’t do it a lot. You tried to find others girls to help you forget Alessia, but you didn’t succeed. It was even more sad maybe, but that’s the life you choose to live. This gave you a little reputation maybe, but you decide under Leah’s advice not to give a fuck. You do what you have to do, and it will stay that way.

Finding a pretty blonde with blue eyes is even more difficult, because since 2022 you’re playing at Barcelona. Along Lucy and Keira, the Spanish team came for you. You were playing at this time in West Ham and at your age it was a dream coming true. You don’t hesitate to throw your life in England to go to Spain. You didn’t know the language at first, but you learned Spanish and Catalan very quickly. Way more quickly than Keira and even Lucy.

With this team you won a lot of things and with the Lionesses, you won the Euro Cup 2022. You had hope that maybe you can get closer to Alessia with the alcohol and the adrenaline of the victory, but you were wrong.

So now, you are here in Summer camp for the Mondial 2023, in Australia. Sarina had call you to be part of the team, so is Lucy, Keira and of course Alessia. Maya isn’t part of the journey, so is Leah because of her ACL. You were gutted to learn about her injury. Leah always have been like a mentor for you, unlike Lucy who always had the role of the big sister. But you miss Maya in Australia, to be honest.

And you missed her even most, when you learned just before the first game that your girlfriend at the time chose to busy herself during your absence with cheating on you. You weren’t In love with her, but you thought that you can trust her. You were wrong. It was not the breakup who was disturbing for you, but behind betrayed that way. It isn’t something nice, really. You broke up with her, obviously. She asked you for a second chance, which you refuse before blocking her everywhere.

“And she had the nerves to ask you for a second chance?!” Jordan almost shout when Lucy explains to her all the story.

You let her do it, tired of people asking you why you seem so angry and almost sad. You weren’t really sad, but you weren’t really happy too. It was a strange feeling to be honest. You don’t miss your ex-girlfriend, but you are most disappointed to see that another attempt to forget Alessia is failing.

“What a bitch” Mary sighs after Lucy’s nod.

She is at the same table as you this morning, like Lucy, Jordan and surprisingly Ella and Alessia. If Ella seems to be as shocked as the others are, Alessia doesn’t really says anything. But you catch her watching in your direction a lot of time when you look at her too.

You don’t know how Sarina heard about that, but you assured her that you can still play as good as always. So, she lines up for your first game, against South Corea. You scored that day, like Georgia, Alessia and Lauren James. The first win was unbelievable, playing in almost full stadium too. And scoring your first goal in a Mundial was amazing.

Georgia decided to head a little hiding party, inviting everyone who wants to come. You did but spend almost all your time drinking your beer while watching Alessia. She’s so beautiful that you want to cry. You know you will never have her in any way, why can’t you stop those stupid feelings?

You would need to confide in someone, but Maya is probably not reachable now, being in England, so is Leah. You have friends in Barcelona, but they are here too and probably asleep. And Lucy is nowhere to be found, either in her room or on the phone with her own girlfriend. So, you decide to go in your room too, maybe to try to drink something stronger to forget all of this shit.

********

In your room, you sigh, disappointed. Your fridge is empty, probably an ask made by the English Federation. You understand, of course you can’t get hungover right now. How did Georgia find those beer anyway? You lie down on your bed, looking at the ceiling for a long moment before deciding to take a shower.

You slowly take your things and head for the bathroom. You stay a long time under the hot water too, needing time to wash all your feelings of the previous day. When you come out, you have decided to focus on the games and your play, not everything else. You have to.

Sarina, your teammates, your friends and your family are counting on you to have a great result. Your family is still in England for now, in the north of England. They will come after the qualifications, hopping England will pass the qualifications. You want to make your family proud, of course. You left them to play football very young and are used to be far away from them. But you still love them and their opinion are the most important for you.

Only wearing a oversize t-shirt and a shorty, you left your bathroom with your hair wet. You will hate yourself tomorrow, but you decide to sleep like this, not taking the time to dry them.

You were going under the cover when you hear someone knock on your door. Frowning, you go to open it, wondering who can come to you at this time of the night. Maybe Lucy who just hang up with Ona and need to cool off. Things are awful in Spanish Federation and you are happy to be English right now. You open the door, waiting to be faced to Lucy. But you were wrong.

“Alessia?”

The blonde is looking at you, looking like she’s wondering too what she’s doing here.

“Hi” she says with her sweet voice. “Can I come in, please?”

“Uh, sure” you answer with a second late.

You let her in, closing the door slowly behind her. Her perfume is tickling your nose and God. What is she doing here? You turn to her, she is in the middle of your room, playing with her fingers.

“How can I help you?” you ask her, beckoning her to sit down on your bed.

She’s still playing with her fingers and rings when she starts talking, but you leave her fingers with your eyes when she starts talking.

“I learn what happened with your girlfriend” Alessia starts.

“Ex” you mumble, shrugging.

“Yeah. But I just wanted to know that if you need someone to talk about it, you can come to me. I know I’m not Leah or Maya, but if you need someone, it can be me.”

You look at her, surprised. You don’t know what you were waited about her presence in your room, but definitely not that. The gesture touches you, very clearly. But you don’t want to lie to her or that she imagines things.

“I really appreciate it, honestly. But I have to let you know that I wasn’t really in love with her.”

“No?”

You shake your head negatively, then shrug your shoulders. It was weird to explain that the girl you are in love with why you weren’t in love with your ex-girlfriend.

“I trusted her and we had fun together, but I wasn’t in love. The betrayal still hurt, though.”

Alessia nods thoughtfully, biting her lips. And you have to take all your self-control to drag your eyes away from her. You feel like a disgusting teenager sometimes. Maybe when she left you will need another shower. Cold, this time.

“So, do you have someone else in mind?”

This conversation is unreal. Your eyes almost jump on Alessia’s silhouette with that question and you don’t know what to answer. Some seconds passes and you still haven’t answered anything. You gulp and take a breath, but Alessia is finally the first to talk again.

“I see you, you know. Looking at me.”

Ok, this is maybe the moment where you will die. You are mortified. You thought that you were being subtle about it, always looking when Alessia isn’t. You try to be respectful too, not staring at her in the changing room or when she’s not fully clothed. You feel yourself blush, a bright red blush, and you are definitely not ready for the last sentence leaving Alessia’s lips.

“I’m looking at you too”

It’s a whisper, that you probably wouldn’t have heard anywhere but in the silence of your room. You are now looking in her eyes, deep, looking for the truth.

“Alessia, if this is a joke…”

“It’s not!” Alessia takes your hand and comes infinitely close to you. “I swear it’s not.”

Her first answer was almost shout, unlike the second. Her eyes are in yours, her hand squeezing yours and you can think straight anymore. You lean to kiss her and it’s even more everything than you thought it would be. Her lips are sweet, soft and taste like strawberry. Just when you wanted to break the kiss to check that if your action were ok, a whimper left Alessia’s lips, and you just want to hear that sound again and again.

You extend the kiss, not leaving the opportunity when Alessia parts her lips. Your tongue caresses her bottom lip before starting to explore her mouth. You never felt so many feelings to be honest. You almost were shaking.

Wanted to feel her closer, you put your hand on her neck, taking her more against you. When she passes her hand in your now semi-wet hair, you make you fall delicately on the bed. Deciding not to lye on her right now, you lye next to her, on your front while she’s on her back.

When air became an issue, you break the kiss this time. Alessia’s lips were swollen, probably like yours. Her breathing was fast and deep, her chest rising irregularly to the rhythm of her breathing.

Alessia is the one initiating the kiss this time, taking you against her. You let her do it, obviously. This time your chest in on hers and the feeling adding with the kiss is driving you crazy. You manage to keep calm for more kisses, but when her hands are on your back and ass, you try to escape her arms.

“We need to stop” you breath difficulty.

“Why?”

Alessia’s disappointment is hard to miss and it’s flattering. But once again, you chose to be honest with her.

“Because if we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop after, Less.”

You saw in her eyes that she understands perfectly what you mean. She bites your lips, from under you and the gesture make enjoyable sensation right in your core. But you have to ignore it.

“What if I want the after?”

You don’t know in what parallel universe you are, honestly. But you need to check that she was being serious and sure of herself. And if she wasn’t drunk too, but you only saw her drink Pepsi tonight.

“I want it, Y/N” is her only answer.

You look at her eyes for several seconds before leaning it again, kissing her on the lips once again. The feeling is intoxicating, honestly. You don’t know it this is a one-time thing or not, but you take your time anyway.

Discovering her is like a dream and you take all the time necessary to remember every part of her. You touch, kiss and stroke every part of her body, trying to remember to what sound she makes at every move. You are kissing her neck, lying between her thighs with her in underwear when she speaks again, whispering softly.

“I’ve never been with a girl before.”

You leave her neck to be able to look at her better, looking at her babyblue eyes. You want her to be comfortable and make this night about her. Not about you fulfilling your fantasies, even if it’s the case right now.

“We still can stop it if you don’t feel right. Just one word and we stop”

She nods, biting her lip once again.

“I don’t want to stop. But I don’t know how to do things.”

She looks shy and you are filled with another feeling than pleasure or wanted. Alessia trusts you and it’s more than everything you ever wanted.

“I will show you” you smile softly.

She smiles back and you return of what you were doing. She seems to relax this time, letting her body fully in your hands. She’s still a little shy at first, but she seems to learn fast. And it’s just amazing.

[bellawoso]

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

Alexia Putellas x fem!reader

Read part 1 : here

Much to your Diego’s dismay, you did not end up calling Alexia, instead the jersey, adorned with a number that could change your life, was left screwed up at the back of your wardrobe.

You were going to call Alexia.

Until one of your other friends heard about it, and told you about the backlash and hate you would receive from some of Alexia’s devoted fans. In the end, you decided it wasn’t worth it, it was only a few years since you escaped your depressive cycle, you were not ever going to risk entering it again.

Truthfully, you regret ignoring Alexia, every time anyone hits on you, you always compare them to the blonde, Diego often calling you “pathetic” as you only spoke to her for 2 hours.

However, you realised that it’s too late to call her, and think of how weird the blonde would think you were if you called her a month later.

As once again you debated calling the midfielder, your door suddenly slammed open.

“¡Hola chica! Look I have tickets!”

As you inspected the tickets in Diego’s hand, your face contorted to one of disappointment;

England vs Spain tickets.

Fuck.

———————————————————————

Your England top had arrived just in time, you were going to wear a Spain one after Diego convinced you that you would be beaten up by the first Spaniard who saw you, you guess the England-Spain rivalry ran deep.

However, it felt a betrayal to your country to be clad in the red jersey, so you ordered one last minute, luckily you weren’t completely oblivious when it came to football, you knew of how Leah Williamson had captained England to a Euro’s victory.

So there you were, in blue denim shorts and your oversized Williamson Jersey almost reaching past your shorts.

It felt like you were cheating, which was stupid, you met Alexia for 2 hours, to push away the feeling of guilt you slipped on a jacket and made your way downstairs.

Diego only rolled his eyes, and sighed in disapproval at your jersey choice.

———————————————————————

Alexia was excited for her return which she had been informed of a month prior to the match, but everyone on the team had noticed a change in the captains mood.

Except only Jana knew the cause for her sudden sadness.

Alexia didn’t understand why your rejection stung so much, maybe it was because the two-time ballon d’or winner wasn’t used to it, or maybe it was because the whole two hours you were together, she had imagined a relationship with you. It felt too real, and she cursed herself for grieving something that never happened in the first place.

She pushed all of those thoughts to the side, and instead focused on the match ahead of her, it was only a friendly, but the idea of being able to hold the win over Lucy and Keira’s heads when they returned to Barcelona felt euphoric.

What she didn’t expect was to see you in the crowd, worse of all, in a Leah fucking Williamson jersey.

———————————————————————-

Spain were one nil down at half time. which was frustrating for Alexia, having to watch from the sidelines with promises of being brought on for the final 45 minutes, however as she stepped on the pitch, her attention was drawn to a white jersey, in a sea of red, only a few rows up.

You stuck out like a sore thumb, it was extremely hard to miss you. So when Alexia laid eyes on you, her heart stopped for a second, and the screams and cheers of the stadium became muffled sounds in her ears.

As you turn around to face Diego, Alexia can just make out the England captain’s last name on your back, bile rises to the Spaniard’s mouth and she quickly turns away.

A newfound determination to outdo the English Captain, to try prove to you that the only jersey you should be proud to wear should be hers.

Call it jealousy. Maybe. But whatever it was fuelled Alexia to score 2 more goals by the end of the match.

2-1 to Spain.

When you saw Alexia step out on the pitch, your breath immediately hitched in your throat, sending you into a coughing fit, which received a knowing chuckle from Diego.

“You fumbled amiga”

Honestly, you regretted teaching him some English slang, he used it against you constantly, and often laughed at himself after seeing you scowling.

When the match ended, Diego was quick to drag you to the stands, he was a big fan of Aitana Bonmati, and wanted her signature badly.

Although you were happy for him when the brunette midfielder came over to where you two were, you froze at seeing Alexia’s friend from the match, who was walking over with Aitana.

When Jana laid eyes on you, she knew what she had to do, she was quick to sprint off and get Alexia, who was talking to Lucy and Keira, and teasing them of the loss.

Alexia was no where near as nervous as you were, the blonde didn’t need to be, you rejected her, even though she was positive that you were returning her flirty comments at the past match.

The Spaniard was sure that you were in the wrong, you should feel guilty for leading her on, so she was quick to confront you when she saw you.

“You didn’t call, and I’m pretty sure I told you to wear better clothing colours”

You internally cringed at how straight to the point the blonde was, and couldn’t help but blush as she called you out for ignoring her.

“I’m sorry, I was nervous and by the time I felt ready to call, I figured it would be too late”

“I don’t know if I’m more upset about you didn’t call because you were nervous, or the fact that you have Leah Williamson’s name on your back”

“Get me a better one then” you replied, whilst looking down at her jersey and back at her with a grin.

Alexia quickly stripped off her jersey, as you took off yours too, luckily you wore a tank top under it, Alexia’s eyes quickly dropping to your exposed chest.

“Your not subtle you know?”

“Who said I was trying to be?” The blonde was quick to reply back.

You only chuckled in response, and slipped on Alexia’s jersey, doing a little spin “How do I look?”

“Beautiful, much better wearing the jersey you belong in”

You weren’t sure if Alexia truly meant that, or if her extremely forward words were due to English not being her first language, but either way your face flushed deep crimson in retaliation to her comment.

The click of a pen lid being taken off woke you from your trance, and you peered up at Alexia, who tugged you closer by your waist, and quickly scribbled down her number once again.

“Pot favor, call me this time, promise?”

“I promise Ale, I will even let you choose the colour scheme of my outfit when we go out” you quipped back with a smile.

With a smirk, the blonde midfielder threw the England jersey on the floor, and walked away to meet Jana so they could walk into the locker room together.

Diego quickly ran towards you, only to pick you up and swing you around.

“I told you she would want you amiga! Your a snack!”

“Diego please never call me that again”

“Shut up! You should be thanking me, with out me, she would have never re-given you her number”

———————————————————————

[mapiforpresident]

can we get 11 with aitana bonmati x alexia sister!reader and ale finds out

Secret Hotel Kisses

Aitana x Putellas!reader,

Warnings: almost smut but not

Summary: You and your girlfriend get caught in a compromising position.

You kept stealing glances at your girlfriend from across the table, trying to be subtle. You were pretending to listen to your sister's rambling about tactics for the upcoming game, giving her a nod or agreement every once in a while. Aitana blushed under your glances from next to Keira, a lot more worried about getting caught than you apparently were as you smirked back at her. You were currently sitting at dinner at the hotel Barcelona was staying at for your away game.

"Are you even listening to me, hermanita?" Alexia asked from next to you, thinking you had drifted off into space again after you didn't answer her question about if you wanted to watch film with her later.

"Of course I was listening. What did you say again?" Alexia sighed as she repeated her question, used to you zoning out.

"Sure, I'll be up to your room at 7. I want to get a quick power nap in, and I promised Pina and Patri I would go to the pool with them first," You replied as you stood up and cleared your dishes. You headed to the elevator, ready to go up to your room when Aitana appeared from around the corner.

“Heading up?” You asked her with a smirk. She just nodded in reply. You loved the way you could make her blush or be shy just with a smirk. As soon as you both stepped into the elevator, you leaned down to kiss her. Aitana immediately kissed you back, having missed the feeling of your lips on hers the entire day. As quickly as the kiss started, it ended as the doors to the elevator opened. The two of you then headed to your shared room. Alexia assigned the two of you as roommates, believing you were just best friends. She would never let you two room together if she knew you were in a relationship, one of the many reasons you did not want to tell her.

"When are you headed to the pool, bebé?" Aitana asked after you had stepped into the room and closed the door. She was already getting comfy in bed, ready to read her book for a little bit.

"In a couple of minutes, I just have to put on my bikini," you replied as you went to get one out of your suitcase.

"Which one are you going to wear?" she asked, watching you rummaging through your suitcase.

"I think I'll wear the red one since I know it's your favorite." She blushed heavily, thinking about all the times you have caught her staring at you in your red swimsuit that covered very little skin.

~~~

At 6:45, you walked back into your room, hair wet from the pool, to see Aitana still reading her book in bed.

"Hola bebé, is your book good? You read a lot while I was gone."

"Yes, I'm just getting to the good part. I think I might finish it tonight. Keira finished it yesterday and lent it to me, so I'm excited to talk with her about it tomorrow," she replied while marking her page and setting it on the table next to the bed. As soon as she set the book down, you jumped on top of her as she squealed.

"Get off, get off, you're getting me all wet, and your hair is freezing, bebé." You sunk down further into her warm body as she said this, wrapping your arms tightly around her so she couldn't push you off. Once you did this, she gave up on trying to get you to move, knowing that her efforts would not work. She hugged you back, glancing at you to see you staring at her with a loving expression on your face.

"What is it, mi amor?" She asked as she kissed your cheek.

"Nothing, I just love you, and I am so happy you are my girlfriend." She blushed again at your words, always being affected by you. You continued to stare into each other's eyes with wide smiles on both of your faces. After a minute or two, you couldn't resist her lips any longer, and you leaned down to kiss her slowly, putting all your love for her into the kiss.

You continued to kiss her slowly for a couple of minutes before she swiped your bottom lip with her tongue, which you immediately let enter. She also then untied your bikini top, pulling it off your body and flinging it somewhere across the room. You then quickly pulled her top off before starting to kiss down her neck, still going relatively slow, wanting to savor the moment with your lover.

You both were so lost in the kiss; you didn't even hear the first knock on the door or the second one thirty seconds later, a little louder. At this point, you had kissed further down Aitana, currently leaving small kisses right above the waistband of her shorts you were about to pull down.

That was right then Alexia walked through the door using the key card she had for all the rooms. "You better not still be taking your nap, I was waiting for fifteen minutes..." She was talking as she walked into the room but immediately froze in place at what she saw, immediately covering her eyes and shouting, "Aitana Bonmatí, that better not be my sister you are corrupting." Your head immediately shot up at the shout, not having seen or heard anyone entering your room until that moment. You immediately grabbed the sheet covering both you and your girlfriend. Aitana hid behind you, not wanting to face the wrath of her captain, but especially not wanting her girlfriend's sister to hate her.

"Oh my god, I completely forgot about our film session."

"Well, that's obvious," Alexia replied back sarcastically as she still had her eyes covered. "Both of you get dressed, please. I will be back in five minutes; we are going to have a talk." She then walked out the door shaking her head to herself, knowing she was going to be scared for life after what she just saw her baby sister doing.

You and Aitana got dressed in silence and quietly sat on the end of the bed, both nervous for whatever Alexia was going to say to you both. Exactly five minutes later, you heard a knock on the door, shouting for her to come in, knowing she was not going to abruptly walk in again. As she stepped through the door, both your and Aitana's faces sank. Alexia had a frown on her face and was staring back and forth at the two of you as she pulled out the desk chair and sat across from you, not saying a word the entire time.

After another minute of no one saying anything and Alexia glaring, particularly at Aitana, a wide smile broke out on her face. You and Aitana glanced at each other, now both extremely confused as to what was happening.

"I approve," Alexia said, still grinning.

"What?" You replied, since Aitana still had no idea what to say.

"I approve. I know Aitana will treat you well. She is someone I trust, and you know I trust you and your judgement. I am a little hurt that you didn't tell me, but I am glad that you found a good one, even if she is still corrupting my baby sister."

"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't tell Alba either. And thank you, Ale, it means a lot to me that you support us and are happy." You replied as you got up to hug your sister, honestly relieved at how this whole thing was going.

"That does not make me feel better; we both know Alba can't keep a secret to save her life anyway," Alexia replied as she moved to hug Aitana. "And you, Aitana, better treat her right, or you will run laps until your legs fall off, and you can't play football again. But I am happy you found someone as good as my sister. I love you both, and you both deserve all the happiness in the world."

"Olga is making you a lot softer, hermana. Ooo, we should go on a double date sometime," You said to your sister as Aitana said, "Thank you a lot, Ale, and I promise I will treat her perfectly like she deserves. She makes me very happy."

"Now let's watch some film," she said as she dragged you both to her room, not wanting to be in your room any longer than she had to, not wanting to remember what she walked in on.

As she let you both into her room, you and Aitana both stopped in your tracks, causing Alexia to run into you. Looking up to see why you stopped, she whined out, "ay dios mío," as Mapi's head shot up from where she had been kissing Ingrid's neck with her hand down her girlfriend's shorts.

[alotofpockets]

The captain's sister | Mary Earps x Reader

Summary: Where your sister finds out you're dating Mary. [Requested]

A/n: Another birthday, another fic. Happy birtday Mary!

Woso masterlist | Words: 1k

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You were on your way to St. George's Park for another England camp with your Manchester United teammates Mary and Ella. It was your first camp since you and Mary started dating a few months ago, so Ella asked the question she couldn’t get out of her mind. “Did you tell Leah yet?” Most of your United teammates knew that the two of you were together, since you saw them day in and day out, but you hadn’t really told anyone outside of the team yet. “I have not, and I would appreciate it if you don’t tell her either.” You gave Ella a warning looking, knowing the girl was a bit of a blabbermouth. “Oh don’t worry about me, I haven’t even told Less.” That actually did reassure you, because Ella and Alessia shared everything. “I think you should be more worried about her accidentally seeing the two of you together, it’s like you’re conjoined at the hip or something.” You rolled your eyes at her comment, “You’re just sad that Joe can’t come to camp with us.”

After arriving at camp, you hung out with your teammates a bit, before heading to your assigned rooms. You were overjoyed when you found out that you were rooming with your girlfriend, knowing that at least at the end of every day, you could be close to her, and fall asleep in her arms. Knowing that you would be spending most of the day by putting some distance between the two of you, you were soaking up some girlfriend time with some cuddles in bed. You were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Who is it?” Mary called out. “Tooney.” Ella responded. “It’s open, Tooney, come in.” Since it was just Ella, you made no effort to move out of Mary’s comfort. The door opened and Ella came walking in, only she wasn’t alone, your eyes widened as a blonde followed her in.

“This is what I missed after leaving United?” Alessia looks at the two of you tangled up together. “Surprise.” Mary jokes, but she quickly wipes the smile off her face when she realises that you don’t find it funny. “Don’t you dare joke about this, Earps. Now two of the three most chatty people on the team know about us.” You put your head in your hands, “Leah is so going to find out.” Alessia sits down on the empty bed, “So, Mary, the captain’s sister, huh?” Mary keeps her mouth shut after the warning look you sent her way. “Is that all I am now, Russo?” You were fully joking of course, Leah might be the captain of the Lionesses, but not once were you seen as any less of a player than she was by your teammates. 

Your plan to put some distance between the two of you during camp was a nice thought, but as Ella had expected, the two of you stuck together like a pair of magnets. Sitting together in the dining hall, spotting each other in the gym, and partnering up for drills. Leah wasn’t suspicious of any of that thought, because the two of you had played together at United for years. 

After one of your many training sessions with the team, Mary pulled you into one of the empty physio rooms. She closes the door behind you and lifts you onto the massage table. “Baby, what are you doing?” Mary smiles at you innocently, “Kiss my girlfriend, because I missed her.” You looked at the door worriedly, “Relax, no one is going to come in here.” After a few seconds of thinking it over, you decided that she was probably right, so you pulled her closer to you and kissed her. 

Leah was in the hallway talking with Keira when she saw you enter one of the physio rooms out of the corner of her eyes. She instantly worried that something had happened during training, so when her conversation with Keira was done, she went over to check on you. “Hey, is everythi-” Leah stopped mid-sentence when she saw you making out with Mary. “What is going on here?” Her worried voice quickly made way for her stern captain’s voice. You knew that Mary could stand her ground but when your sister made big steps towards the keeper, you quickly hopped off the massage table and got in between them. “Leah, I can explain.” She pushed you aside easily, “You don’t have to explain.” She moved towards Mary and jabbed a finger to her chest, “I want you to explain why you are kissing my sister.” 

Mary looked between the two Williamson siblings, not really knowing that the right explanation would be in Leah’s eyes. You stepped in and pulled your sister away from Mary. “Leah, calm down please. The explanation for why she was kissing me, is because she is my girlfriend.” Now it was Leah’s turn to look between the two of you, everything started to sink in. The way the two of you had seemed so close during camp, now suddenly making more sense. 

Leah’s features softened, “You know you could’ve told me, right? I’m happy for you.” You smiled, “Thank you Lee.” But her soft features quickly changed back when she looked over to Mary. “If you hurt her, I will make sure your career is over, do you understand?” You roll your eyes, “Lee, back off, she is not going to hurt me.” She looks between the two of you again, “Oh god, you’re rooming together this camp.” Your eyes widened, “Don’t you dare.” There was a sparkle in Leah’s eyes that didn’t promise anything good. “I am the captain, I can change the rooming situation however I see best fit.” With that Leah left the room. You run after her, “Please, Leah don’t do this.” Moving past a confused Ella and Alessia, who start to snicker when they see Mary leave the same room the two of you just emerged from. “Told you so.” Ella says to Mary. “It was always going to be the two of you getting caught.”

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[valewosomtb]

not a burden|| a. Putellas × platonic!reader

warnings: literally none

a/n: Lowkey wrote this based on some personal experience and just had to get it out off my system, love the fear of missing out🤪

You always felt like a second choice. Like you were always there just when some of your so-called friends didn't have anyone else to hang out with. But that is also what your love life, or whatever you should call it since there's not even L from your love life in existence, looked like.

When you find someone you like or you're just attracted to, and you try to pursue it to see where the things go, you somehow end up being heartbroken because that person has someone else or they just haven't gotten over their ex OR you're just a distraction. In the most of the cases, you were just a distraction.

It happened too many times you thought it was a reason you were scared of commitment. That was also a reason why you were scared of opening up to people when you just KNOW they're gonna use it against you or just use you.

Another problem was, that you were a people pleaser. You'd always put someone else's happiness before yours. Even if it killed you. As long as you got to please someone.

Everyone on the team knew your fun, smiley, chaotic, spontaneous side. Almost no one knew the real you. You were always the one to make everyone laugh with your incredibly bad jokes or dumb ideas you always came up with. Even after a bad game, you were the one who would try to cheer everyone up and motivate them.

You were closest to Alexia and Keira. Keira helped you when you signed with Barça and Alexia took you under her wing when she saw how adorable you were the first time when you met her and were a big stuttering mess since she was your idol for a long time.

From time to time, you get into your head. There are some periods when you do nothing but overthink everything. From your performances on training or in the game, to just your relationships with everyone around you.

Everyone told you that you were a very likable person and that there can't be many people who don't like you. You strongly disagreed with that statement.

Especially, in this period when you can't help but think about your relationships in the team.

It was another day, another training, you woke up early in the morning like every other morning, had a little breakfast, and went for a 3-mile run. You just loved running it made your mind clean and easy, and your thoughts stopped running as your legs started. This was the only time you felt happy with yourself.

After you finished, your legs burned but you couldn't care less. You got a quick shower and then got ready for the main training of the day. As you were driving to the stadium the overthinking got louder. All you could think about was do you actually belonged there and do others wanted you there.

You were the first one there, as usual, you were thankful for that. You were walking slowly towards the locker room, when you got there you just sat there and stared at the wall across from you. Just sitting there, overthinking, you were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't even realize that the locker room was already full.

You quickly wiped the tear from your cheek and continued to get ready as everyone else. As you were getting ready to go out on the field, you realized that no one greeted you, like you weren't even there. That just confirmed your overthinking… no one cared about you.

What you didn't think about was that your cubby was far from others and that everyone else greeted you, you just didn't hear because you were spaced out.

Another thing that confirmed your overthinking was when you heard everyone else talking about some kind of team building that supposedly happened yesterday. This was the first time you heard something about that. Did they forget to invite you?

„I can't believe you did that! You and Mapi need to stop challenging each other.“ You heard Lucy say. The fear of missing out was triggering slowly.

„You're right about that, I think it's time for us to stop with that bullshit, “ Patri said with a laugh following, „What I'm more surprised about was that Alexia let us do it at her place!“

Alexia's place? Alexia hosted the team building night. And she forgot to invite you? Or she just didn't want you there and that's why she didn't invite you?

Your head started to spin. You quickly rushed to the bathroom, sat down on a toilet, and tried to calm down. It must've been a misunderstanding of some kind. Right?

You tried to convince yourself. You haven't heard from Alexia in a while, since she was still out because of the small injury. Maybe she got bored of you, she didn't want some stupid 20-year-old bothering her all the fucking time. Your head was just getting worse.

When you managed to calm down, you walked back to the locker room you saw that you were the last one there.

After a long day you had, you finally arrived home, you got into your apartment, locked your doors, and just left your training bag on the floor next to the door. You were too emotionally drained to go shower and too tired to go to the bedroom you found your couch and just laid down and just….stared at the ceiling.

At some point in the day, you fell asleep. You woke up the next day, and you were still too tired to move, you just sent a text to Jona that you weren't feeling well and that you wouldn't be attending training today. But you also realized that you didn't get any messages from anyone, literally nobody texted you. No one needed you.

You threw the phone away and continued with what you know best. Overthinking.

As you were just laying there, silent crying, the tears were just flowing out of your eyes, and you realized something.

YOU were the one who always checked up on others when they were missing from training. YOU were always the first one to text someone when you were planning something. YOU were always the one to make sure everyone got home safe after a night out.

That's right there.

That right there was what you kids these days call, your last straw. Your thirteenth reason.

At the Barça's training grounds, Alexia finally got back to train with the team, and she was really happy and excited about it. She greeted everyone on the way to the locked room. When she walked into the locker room, everyone cheered, like the queen just walked in…which she is.

The first question she asked was „Where's y/n?“ that made everyone look around and see that you indeed weren't there.

„Oh, shit, I knew that something was missing here, “Lucy said. After that everyone got on the field and Jona said that you weren't feeling well. Everyone just nodded with understanding but Alexia didn't buy it. Something wasn't right. You never miss training, even when you don't feel good.

At your apartment, you made progress... you went from the couch to the floor, since you always loved laying or sitting on the floor because it was comfortable. Still thinking how you're worthless and that no one wants you to be here. You finally took your phone and scrolled through social media, where were all the photos and videos posted from the team hangout. You saw how much fun they had... without you.

They were better off…without you.

You were a burden.

You saw the recent stories that everyone posted. Even Alexia. But still not one message.

The training finished and Alexia drove straight to your apartment. Fortunately, it wasn't far from the training grounds or her apartment, so she arrived pretty fast.

She walked up to the door and knocked. No answer. That made her knock a little louder.

„Y/n, please open up I know you can hear me.“ Alexia begged.

The knocking and the yelling made you snap out of it. You stood up and slowly walked to the door. You opened them but not fully.

„What are you doing here, Alexia?“ you asked tiredly. You didn't know how to feel about this visit.

„Um, are you gonna let me in or will I have to let myself in?“ she asked with a raised eyebrow.

You just sighed and moved to open the doors fully and let her in. When she walked in, she took a look around your place and then turned back to you and actually at your appearance.

„Are you okay? Are you sick? What's the matter?“ she asked with all seriousness. Every person who looks into her eyes can see that she cares, but not your eyes or your head.

„Why do you care?“ you said with a scoff and walked towards the living room.

That comment made Alexia confused. Why wouldn't she care?

„Of course, I care. You never miss a training even when you're not feeling well, you would attend a training. Even though I sometimes disagree with that you're stubborn“

„Sure you do.“

„Y/n, what is this about? Why are you acting like this?“

„ACTING LIKE WHAT, ALEXIA? Tell me, acting like fucking what?!“ you threw it at her. It took her by surprise, she didn't expect this from you.

„Don't yell at me! I'm your captain, and I ne- „

Of course, Alexia fucking Putellas!! Captain of FC Barcelona. Only cares about her team and the reputation of her team and that HER team makes HER look good in front of everyone else. She's always „busy“ with, so-called captain duties, that she can't even text me, or answer her phone when I call her. ESPECIALLY WHEN I NEED HER THE MOST!!“ you were just spitting everything out. It made you feel good. You couldn't stop, for once you made yourself feel better.

„ I'm so fucking tired Alexia…Why am I such a burden to you? Do you not like me or something? What did I do to you that made you hate me so fucking much? If I bother you so much, you should just tell me. Also, the whole fucking team hates me. I thought that for once I could say that I belonged somewhere, but no. I'm always the second choice or the third most of the time the last choice. No one wants me in this team…I'm a terrible player, I'll never be like you or Mariona or Caro.“ You broke totally. You started to sob. Alexia couldn't watch you like this, she wanted to help you and the first thing she thought of was to pull you in the biggest hug.

When you felt her arms around you, you broke down completely. She held you for a good while, her shirt stained from your tears, she couldn't care less.

You finally stopped shaking and calmed down. When you you were ready, Alexia pulled away but not totally. She put her hands on your shoulders and made you look at her, so you hear her out.

„First of all, I want to apologize for not checking up on you more often, especially now since I understand you're having a hard time. I would also like to apologize for not answering your calls but I have really been busy and I was planning on calling you back I just forgot. Second of all, if I ever hear you talk like that about yourself I'll personally kick your ass,“ as she was telling you this, you finally managed to look at her. You saw her eyes a little glassed because of her tears.

„I see you as my little sister, you're not a burden, y/n. And I want you to remember that. I don't know what made you think that but I'm sorry if I made you feel like that. And also if you want I can talk to the team about that but I can tell you for sure that everyone adores you.“ You listened to her and tried to trust the words that she was saying but your head was a little louder.

„ And I also wanted to say, you'll never be like Mariona, Caro, or me. You'll be way better than us combined, especially if you continue to work as hard as you do now. I idolize your hard-working habits.“ She finished her speech. And you believed her. For once, you think you have someone who will hear you out when you have this kind of episode.

„Do you mean that?“ you asked her hesitantly.

„Yes, I do. And when next time you feel like this, I want you to come to me. Even if I'm busy, I'll make time for you.“ She said and gave you a small smile.

You smiled back at her and pulled her in a hug. You needed one after a few very emotional days.

„Now, will you tell me what made you feel this way?“ she said while pulling away.

You rubbed your neck nervously while trying to form a normal sentence.

„Well, um, I sometimes have these episodes when I get really into my head and just think little of myself. Also, some events from my past just encourage those episodes to come out. And also when I saw some pictures online from the other day from your place…it just made it worse“ you told her.

„Okay, when another episode of this is about to come out, let me know. And what do you mean the picture from my place?“

„Well I heard that there was some kind of a team hangout at your place and I wasn't invited and my fear of missing out was getting the best of me…it made my episode worse“

„Ooh that hangout out“Alexia chuckled after that „It wasn't a real hang out, it was kinda spontaneous because my sister got engaged and she's friends with most of my teammates so we just celebrated at my place.“

You face palmed yourself. Alexia just laughed at you. You couldn't believe yourself right now.

„ It's alright, hermanita. Don't be so hard on yourself“ Alexia tried to comfort you.

„Thank you, Ale. So much, and I'm sorry for bothering you with my shit..again“

„Don't have to thank me, just score my goals for my team so it makes me look good as captain in front of everyone“ she teased you.

„oh god, I don't know how that came out of my mouth, I'm so sorry“ you apologized.

Alexia just laughed at your, „You don't have to say sorry for everything, it's okay you were emotional and you needed to take it out on someone“

You were thankful that Alexia was this understanding. Younger you wouldn't believe you if you told her that you're crying in front of Alexia Putellas and she's comforting you.

„If you don't mind me asking. What exactly happened in the past that made it so bad?“ she asked with a curious look

„If I start now I won't stop until tomorrow. It's a long story“

„Oh, would you look at that I'm free today. So start from the beginning.“

And so you did. You told her everything, from A to Z. You finally opened up to someone after a long time. And it felt good. It made it easier because Alexia was call, patient, and understanding. After that you were more open with everyone and communicated way more than before.

But if it weren't for Alexia, you'd probably be still lying on that floor and staring at the ceiling.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Broken

Wonze x Child!Reader

Summary: You break your arm

There's not really any other way Lucy can describe you but depressed.

With your arm stuck in a cast, you're severely limited in what you can do and you just kind of trudge after Keira.

The atmosphere in the house has been a bit frosty since the accident and Lucy knows it's her fault. She's the one that wasn't watching you on the climbing frame at the park until after the nasty tumble that had your arm snapping when you tried to put it out to stop your fall.

Keira's right to be pissed off at her but your own bad moods have noticeably worsened everything.

You cry a lot more now and you keep whacking your cast on things that wouldn't usually cause you pain.

"How's baby bear?" Georgia asks at breakfast one morning.

"Sad," Lucy replies sullenly," She can't leave Keira's side for even a minute. I tried to give her a bath yesterday when Kei was on the phone but she just cried the whole time. Her arm's been bothering her too."

Georgia makes a sympathetic noise, head turning to where you and Keira have just walked in.

It's not an uncommon sight now to see you in Keira's arms. You don't want to leave them almost as much as Keira doesn't want you to leave them.

You sniffle a little as Keira sits you in your usual seat between her and Lucy and you stiffly place your casted arm onto the table. What makes it worse, is that it's on your dominant hand so you're struggling a little bit to do everyday things like feeding yourself and drawing.

Lucy loads up your fork and shovels food into your mouth. Your appetite has been affected by your mood so it's always hit and miss how much you're actually going to eat for breakfast so she's hoping to get as much down you as possible before your mood finally catches up with you.

You turn away when you've had enough, pushing your food away and looking over at Keira.

"Bear," Lucy says softly," Don't you want to eat some more? You haven't eaten much."

"No, thank you," You say sullenly, moving to climb into Keira's lap, resting your head on her chest and curling yourself into her body.

Keira sighs as she rises from the table. "I'm going to see if Leah can cheer her up. I'll be back in second."

"Jesus," Georgia says as she and Lucy watch Keira go," You're right. That kid is so depressed. She's had that cast on for at least a week now. You'd think she'd have adapted by now."

"She will," Lucy replies, suddenly feeling defensive," She's getting there. It won't be long now. She's getting better."

"I heard she had to miss her friend's birthday party," Georgia says," Keira said she'd been looking forward to it."

Lucy sighs, pushing her food around her plate. "Yeah. It was the day after she broke her arm. Bear was pretty bummed at missing it."

"I can imagine. Being so sad doesn't suit her."

"Hopefully, Leah can snap her out of it."

No matter what Lucy's hoping Leah will do, it doesn't really seem to be working.

Auntie Leah's sitting with Beth from Arsenal and she's trying to get you to detach from Mummy but you refuse.

"Come on, bear!" Auntie Leah laughs," Don't you want to see this cute video I've got?"

You think for a moment. You really want to watch it but you don't want to let go of Mummy at all. Letting go of something was how you got hurt in the first place and Mummy's more sturdier than the climbing frame and you feel safer holding her tight.

She would never drop you.

She's your Mummy bear and you're her baby bear.

She's big and warm and safe and you press yourself further into her like you could melt into her skin and stay there forever.

"How about some chocolate?" Auntie Leah asks," You can hang out in my room with G and I and we can eat chocolate until our tummies hurt."

Normally you would agree with that. You love spending time eating chocolate with Auntie Leah and G but you don't really want to be away from Mummy and Mum. It's bad enough that Mum's across the room from you but you can see her so you know that she's safe.

"We can even watch Brother Bear!"

That nearly breaks you. Brother Bear is your favourite movie ever but Mummy and Mum don't really like screen time so you only get to watch it if you've been very good.

But, still, you'll give up Brother Bear if it means you can stay with Mummy and Mum.

You shake your head. "Want Mum," You whisper against Mummy's skin.

She sighs, resting her head on yours. "Okay, bear," She says, defeated," Let's get Mum."

When you get to Mum, she's whispering to Georgia, who smiles at you before scampering off to Auntie Leah.

"What are you two planning?" Mummy asks suspiciously as she sits in the seat that used to be yours.

"Nothing bad," Mum says quickly before her hand runs over the back of your head and you turn to look at her," How are you feeling, bear?"

"Itchy." You hold your casted arm out to her.

Mum's gotten good at scratching your cast itches.

"Itchy?" She echoes," Well, we can't have that!" She takes a small wooden spoon out of her pocket and starts tapping at the cast. The doctors told her that she's not allowed to let you put stuff down it in case it causes infections so hopefully the vibrations will knock out your itchiness.

It does for the most part and you flop your head back against Mummy when Mum is done.

"Thank you, Mum," You say.

"Of course, bear."

Lucy watches as G and Leah wander out of the room and awaits the text she knows is coming.

You get a bit restless doing nothing and Keira gently runs her hand through your hair to settle you against her again.

"Come on," Lucy says when she finally gets the text," We've got a little surprise, bear."

Your brow furrows in confusion but you don't put up a fight as you're taken back up to the bedrooms. You bypass Mummy and Mum's room in favour of going to Auntie Leah and G's.

Both of them are waiting for you.

Their beds have been pushed together to create a mega bed and their sheets have been made into a little nest with space for all five of you to curl up in.

There's bags of your favourite snacks and your favourite chocolate milk. The title screen of Brother Bear is paused.

You sniffle.

"Oh, no!" G says," Don't cry!"

"These are happy tears," Mum says, wiping them from your cheeks," Isn't that right, bear?"

You nod. "Happy tears."

"Are you ready, bear?" Mummy asks," We're going to have nice chill day with G and Auntie Leah."

"Ready."