#keep thinking abt my own absence

[graevs666]

.

[yourlocaltreesimp]

Have you gotten any requests abt First? I simply would like to request some general yan hcs if thats fine. But if not, thats alright. I hope things have been lovely for you dearie <33 (ive just been craving for First food)

Ofc ofc!!

TW: Yandarism but i’m tired so it’s fairly tame if i’m going to be honest, tame by my standards

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Yan!First Headcannons

He has fond memories of his guide. How they skillfully protected him with their insight to ensure his success. He clutched those days of tranquillity close to his heart -or what he believes to be left of it- when he was locked up. When you were ripped away from him by a jealous god’s hand. He tries to focus on the softness of your voice and not the shrill of your screams when you were being made to watch his torment. He was free now. But from what he knows, you aren’t. And on your name he is going to maim the soul that did that to you. Even if it’s the goddess that allowed you to meet in the first place.

That said, he didn’t originally know you were his guide. He was shaken from being thrown into a portal and he was so hurt and you were so kind… It was natural for him to latch to the first bit of care given to him since your first absence.

It didn’t take him remembering -or rather realising- you were his guide until he started his spiral. No. He’s been teetering on the edge for years, and if falling into madness ment falling into your arms, then so be it. With that, he doubles down when he remembers you. Brought together by the gods and fate, how could he not keep you to himself after so long of being on his own?

He thrives on whatever it is you want. He’ll talk or listen to you for days, savouring the calmness in your voice. He’d pull you close in front of everyone and remember every freckle on your skin, every scar that lined it, every hair on your head. He’d write you letters of sonnets and prose, watching you read it with concentration, as if to see that you like it. He’d buy you anything, do anything, say anything, so long as it had your approval.

I see him as either very sneaky and courting you so eloquently that his possessiveness and protectiveness is part of the package. Him showing off that you chose him, that he’s good enough. Him showing off that no matter how much his… predecessors think they have you, you’ve always been his from the beginning. This is with an earlier intro to the chain, him trying to fend off competition as more members begin to fall. A strategy, if you will.

Or he’s on you the second he has consent, not caring for standards so long as you are his and he is yours. A scramble for your attention against your many suitors followers. I see this as First with a later intro where everyone’s already not right in the head. He’s bartering for and peice if you at this point. Any attention you give him will be well spent and obsessed over.

100% kidnapping you the second the chance presents itself. You’ll be married properly, he’ll treat you impeccably well, just be sure to play along.

Fav nicknames for you: My dear, Dearest, My love, My Sun, Flower, Darling, essentially anything classy

BONUS: This single handedly had me questioning if i wanted him and the others in ACU

[lezarus]

here is what i want for s8 re: chris and eddie. i dont know that this is what i think WILL happen it just what i want. ideally i want more episodes of eddie working out how to be a person without his identity of a father and for all this to take place around the midseason finale. SO i want eddie to realise after working through some of his personal identity issues that talking to chris through zoom isnt working and that clearly he needs to go to texas to work things out with chris and i want him to leave at the end of an episode. then i want there to be an eddieless episode to build tension and also bc this works on a logistical level bc i want the next episode to be a sort of begins type episode that focuses exclusively on eddie and chris. and this would make sense with filming schedules and also as alma pointed out would make sense as to why we dont have much bts for the next few episodes bc ryan would be a noticeable absence from any 118 crew shoots.

anyway i want this episode to be 40 mins of eddie and chris on the long road home and at first its excruciatingly awkward and chris isnt speaking but slowly over the course of the episode but, and again this is my ideal dream beautiful version of this episode, they slowly begin to open up to each other. perhaps thats with eddie coming out to chris perhaps not bc i think actually what they need is to go through that journey of learning to see each other as people outside of their parent/child relationship. which unfortunately chris had thrust upon him at the end of s7. i think they ultimately have to talk abt shannon here and how chris was hurt by her and how eddie keeping her memory alive in the specific way he does is contributing to that hurt.

ultimately i want 40 mins of two ppl sitting in a car learning to be their own ppl and how to see each other and shannon as individual and flawed. and i want them to ultimately come to shared understanding that things will never go back to how they were bc chris cannot be frozen in childhood and in that way eddie can stop being frozen in the pain and terror of his own childhood.

also they are silly and love each other so much and they hug and its beautiful and wonderful and makes me cry

[thickenmyblood]

maca this chapter was insane i was kicking my feet the entire hour I took to read it!!

but can I just say as much as I was team damen in the beginning cause I didn’t fw laurent’s whole approach to the breakup…..I don’t get why damen was so upset with laurent abt the needing a lawyer reveal when he immediately recognised that it was obvious that laurent continued to stay with him because he genuinely loved him.

Don’t get me wrong I definitely love that you took that approach cause your writing is so REAL and Damen recognises he’s being an idiot sometimes!!But I didn’t expect Laurent to not push back abit in some sense like he was just a traumatised kid barely a year older than nicaise is rn when they met (if i got the math right on that).

anyway I think I just wanna hear more about your thoughts on Laurent’s headspace if it’s not spoiler-y ofc. Thank you for such a brilliant chapter and happy holidays ♥️♥️

hello! i was actually talking to @savoytrufflephd about this the other day. this is terribly long but we're reaching the end of the fic and i will never get the change to speak on these things again, and so i hope this answer guides your reading experience and helps clear any doubts you might have going into the last chapter.

about damen:

during their argument, damen is gutted to find out that laurent approached him because he needed a lawyer and money, and, indeed, damen doesn't have an absolute "let's berate laurent" meltdown right then and there, but i wouldn't say he "immediately recognized" anything.

there are three main emotions at play during the reveal scene.

sadness: damen feels deeply hurt by laurent's confession.

There is nowhere to go. There is no other sound in the world but Laurent’s voice, tearing him open.

They should be doing this in the kitchen, Damen thinks. For old times’ sake. For symmetry. There must be a reason why Aimeric keeps picking kitchens as his bleeding spot.

anger and/or self-righteousness: damen makes comments to hurt laurent and express the hurt he's feeling himself and how he feels cheated and wronged.

(...) Was a live-in nanny so expensive that you had to spend the next four years forcing yourself into bed with—”

“You were nervous. Before. I remember the—was the bathroom break so you could vomit in between—”

(...) So you stayed up all night, going through that—that shit, and you had ten liters of coffee this morning so you could be brave enough to sit here and tell me that I was your pimp for a while. (...)

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Laurent says, “if you—” “Don’t play the martyr card.” “I’m so—” “Fuck you,” Damen says.

defeat: damen slowly realizing this is the worst case scenario. there can't be anything worse than this, and so it's almost a relief to hear it because he 1. didn't have to ask 2. can't imagine any other blow hitting him harder (which... i mean, he did have a heads up from nikandros). now what he wants is to understand how this happened and why.

Something is leaking out of Damen now, except it isn’t blood. He feels it by its absence, by the relief it leaves behind. This, he thinks, as he looks at Laurent. This is everything they have done to each other. There is nothing left but this: the wound, drained; the wound, re-dressed. This is what he wanted to know, what he asked for. This.

He might as well lay down on the table and pass Laurent the knife.

He wants to feel stupid and can’t, wants to lather himself up in hatred to slip away from this with ease. He can’t. He’d thought in those first months at Nikandros’s that he knew what hating Laurent was—annoyance, mostly, and contempt, slightly—but now he knows that wasn’t hate. He could never hate Laurent. Maybe he could learn, could train himself to do it, but he doesn’t want to. He wants to understand. He wants—

damen is not the best when it comes to understanding his own emotions. later on, when analyzing this argument with neo, this happens:

“I don’t know how it made me feel,” Damen says. “I was angry yesterday. At him. And I know I should be angry now, or earlier when he said—when he told me.” “But you weren’t.” “I wasn’t sad either. It was like…” “Like?” Damen smooths over the sheets beside him. The bed is cool and neatly made on that side. “Like I’d been waiting for him to say it for so long, that when he did, it wasn’t… I don’t know.”

he did feel all those emotions in the argument, but when asked to talk about them, he holds onto defeat instead of anger or sadness. i wrote him this way because i wanted a version of him that was tired of arguing with laurent, that didn't want to do that anymore, that wanted things to be fair between them. plus, i wrote very early on that he's just not very creative when it comes to (active) cruelty. it just doesn't come naturally to him.

now, about laurent:

i agree that this laurent reads very passively. he doesn't strike back, doesn't argue that he was desperate, that it wasn't his fault, etc. this is because:

he's being self-hating. this is him basically telling damen "look at what i did and hate me for it. i don't deserve the way you've always helped me, the way you're STILL helping me. i'm not a good person. i'm not who you think i am." this is why, in this fic, laurent also allows nicaise to treat him like shit. it's the reason laurent did not tell agnes about the verbal abuse he was being subjected to. he thinks he deserves it. it's the reason he tells damen having sex with maxime was a chore and still he kept doing it.

like damen, he's also tired of arguing. in fact, i would say he's MORE tired than damen. he's getting the worse of nicaise's ire and has been for months. he knows damen is upset with him bc of that 10 minute conversation he had alone with nicaise in ch18. the day before, damen looked him in the eye and told him it was all his fault, that everything wrong that happened with nicaise was on him, that he was to blame because he was too busy having fun and being stupid to take care of the one person he was supposed to look after. he's emotionally drained. he spent the entire night looking through nicaise's phone, analyzing dates and punishing himself for everything that happened. after almost 400k words of fucked up situations, he's finally reached this strange limit of "whatever, just let it end".

the self-fulfilling prophecy aspect of his relationship with damen. in a way, laurent never dared to hope what he had with damen would be forever. in fact, he believed in order to keep damen, he had to sacrifice many, many, many things and aspect of who he was and is as a person, because otherwise damen would not and could not love him. things like his mental health, his own abuse, his views on sex... but also small, stupidly vulnerable things, such as letting your partner know that you fucking douche!!!!!! letting him know you do things every other human does. laurent wanted damen to love him, but he didn't think damen ever could if he showed him all his cards and baggage and whatever you want to call it, and so he made himself palatable. and this was, ultimately, the downfall of their relationship (along with damen's obvious ignorance, emotional issues, repression, etc.)

this is all i can say on laurent's end. ch20 will give you some more details to help you look at his actions and thought process throughout the fic in a different light. i hope this answer made sense and wasn't just me babbling for seventeen thousand words.

thank you for your time!!

[zph]

kind of... sort of.. thinking bout ex scara who wants you bad and keeps trying to catch your attention by doing all sorts of things (making your life worse) because you refuse to even look his way ever since you guys broke up - peach anon (I need to lock in so bad but my hands are moving on its own)

what is rly funny abt this is that i also had an ex scara thought from 2 yrs ago. where the hell is it

ex!scara would try convince himself that the relationship wasn't worth it in the first place. spiraling through the thoughts of "i don’t care for them at all" only to inevitably fall into the bubbling feeling of rage and resentment at the thought.

should he ever sit down and reflect, the truth becomes obvious: he still cares.

he knows he still wants you the moment he seeks you out everywhere: the small plushy you gifted to him, sitting comfortably on the edge of his bed and your scent fading slowly with time; the bitter cold seeping into his skin as he cuddles it closer; turning around to ask your opinion and finding no one there. he berates himself for being so weak - berates you for inflicting him with this punishment.

something along the lines of "ha, it was bound to end anyway." (he says on the floor, staring at the wall).

it is the general cynicism along with the fear of abandoning that becomes his undoing. longing leaks in the way when he rereads your last text messages together or the quick turn of his head when he sees you walking about, refusing to give him any more of your attention.

he shudders at the idea that you can hold this weakness over his head. no matter how much he tries to make your life hell, he knows that he is facing worse than the intensity of burning anger but your blistering shoulder: indifference.

with the knowledge that he holds his relationships like lifelines, it is by no surprise that he is so affected. like a fool readily at your feet should you decide to kick an already jaded & cracked doll. behind the disdain and snarky front lies a whirlwind of emotions that soon eventually dull down into bitterness. it is as infuriating as the amount of times he tries, just for a moment, that your eyes will finally find their way back to his.

just for one moment.

he still cares for you. and the idea drives him mad until there is nothing but the coldness in his chest and the absence of your warmth in his arms.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

pokemon partner headcanons for as much of the nfb cast as i can justify giving pokemon to. loosely inspired by this post by @chrswlls. and by 'inspired' i mean i was thinking abt a pokemon crossover in my own time and then i saw the post and then i said "oh well now i have to make my own post about it"

[MILD SPOILERS FOR DAY 296 AND BEYOND]

JEREMY has a male zigzagoon named Scout. Despite being his partner for a long time, Scout's never been much of a battler, so he's never evolved. His extra inquisitive nature and eye for sleuthing has made him the perfect partner for a flourishing news anchor, and Jeremy doubts he would have ever uncovered the Hamilton-Mann scandal if it wasn't for the help of his pokemon partner. Generally, he has a rather lax demeanor when he isn't snooping around for secrets, and tends to be as scruffy and personable as his trainer is.

JENNY has a female minccino named Gingersnap- or just Ginger for short. She first adopted her to have some company in her empty home after the death of her late partner. She was supposed to be a pokemon exclusively for home, but it turns out she's just as helpful at home as she is at Channel 1. Ginger is always astute, keeping an eye out for anything (or anyone) in need of tidying in between ad breaks and cutaways. She has a very sweet temperament, though normally won't leave her perch on Jenny's shoulder.

MEGAN has a female sneasel named Opal, who she took in a while after she gained notoriety as Channel 1's culture correspondent. If she's being honest, a part of her thought it would help bolster her popularity- maybe increase her chance at rising through the ranks of her career… Jeremy and Scout always made quite a pair, after all… Perhaps there was a method somewhere in there she could exploit. She doesn't really know if it worked or not, but she ended up growing quite attached to the sly little devil as time went on. It's unclear who's personality rubbed off on the other's first, but Opal acts quite like her trainer, able to switch from professional and demure to dangerously sharp at a moment's notice.

PATRICK has a male watchog he never gave a name to. Much like Scout is to Jeremy, Watchog is an astute observer that greatly helps Patrick out when he's on the field- be it during a Sportsboard game, or a more serious news related outing. The two of them end up bickering quite a bit, but when they really hone in on what they're focusing on, they can get some pretty significant work done. Watchog did his fair share of sleuthing on the Hamilton-Mann case as well- although Patrick tends to take the majority of the credit for it.

FRANCIS has a bidoof named Flapjack. Or, at least, he was named Flapjack... But after she was forced to assimilate Patrick's position after his disappearance, her pokemon partner had to do the same in Watchog's sudden absence. After a while, the two of them fall into the swing of things, but Flapjack was never really meant to be a work pokemon, let alone for the news of all things... He never really grows out of his sense of camera shyness the same way Patrick inevitably does.

ROBYN has a male midday lycanroc named Cadburry- or just Caddy, for short. Technically, he was the family dog, but out of all of her siblings, Caddy had the closest bond with her. He was her partner ever since he was a little rockruff- helping her to sniff out stories good enough to earn her position at the Swinstead Middle School Enquirer. He doesn't do as much sniffing now that he's older, but he's a great conversation starter, and a big help in luring in potential bystanders for public opinion interviews.

BOSEMAN has a female mabosstiff named Brutus. He didn't check to see what her gender was before he named her, and by the time he figured it out she wouldn't respond to anything else. She's a scruffy family pokemon he doesn't often bring with him to work. He needed something that wouldn't be too dangerous to leave at home- and especially something that wouldn't trample his daughter when he wasn't looking... She never hurt a hair on Petunia's head, though. The two of them are practically inseparable.

JULIA has a female bewear named Sherbert. They've known each other since Julia was a little girl, although she didn't evolve until a little while after she became Prime Minister. If you were to ask her, she would claim that a bewear is a perfect way to represent Advance's values; loving like a mother, powerful like a bear. For the most part, Sherbert upholds those values, and is rather docile and well behaved in public... Although those who don't trust Advance question whether or not there's any darker potential to owning such a powerful pokemon.

PETER currently has a male timburr named Chipper. He took him on a little after he started Just the Job, and the charismatic creature quickly became a mainstay on the show. He wasn't quite as vocal as Chizzel was, though, it was rather obvious he was more popular than him. He was always handy with a tool, a drink, or a bark of caution when sensitive equipment was getting too close to the edge of the table... And he always put Peter's tools in the exact spots he liked them best in.

... Peter used to have a different pokemon, though. A gorgeous mudsdale named Axel- raised it from a humble mudbray when he was younger. When he went to war, it came with him. Someway or another, it didn't survive the slaughter in Konislava... Peter doesn't like to talk about what exactly happened on that expedition- let alone the specifics regarding Axel. Some people think the toxic gas did him in. Others assumed he was simply shot amidst the chaos. Sometimes, rumors go around that he and Ivan ate the pokemon to escape starvation in that abandoned cellar. He really doesn't take kindly to those sorts of rumors...

ALAN has a natu named Pandora- though he doesn't have enough knowledge about birds to know whether its male or female. Generally, he has an extreme distrust of any and all psychic pokemon ("they're a psionic instrument wielded by the government to invade our minds"). Pandora, however, is his singular exception to this rule... How is he supposed to protect his mind from psychic assaults without a psychic pokemon? It's a give and take.

During routes where Jeremy dies during the Heatwave broadcast, it stays a natu for its entire life. However, when encountering Jeremy post his initial escape from Betterment, the raw potential he has to alter the course of the future is enough to force it to evolve into a xatu. Jeremy doesn't know enough about pokemon to know what that means but he has a feeling its. bad.

DAVE 'had' a rotom that went by many names. "Bastard", mainly. Sometimes "Bugger Off" and "Cut That Out". And when I say 'had', I mean it just sort of started haunting the equipment in the broadcast room one day, and he never cared enough to catch the thing or shoo it away. It's a completely wild rotom, just a particularly passive one (he likes to claim he 'tamed' it with pizza and crisps). This also means that after Alex takes his job, the rotom becomes 'theirs', in a strange sense. Although it definitely prefers Dave to Alex. Sometimes it'll cause havoc in the broadcast room if it thinks they aren't doing a good enough job editing- swapping cameras on its own accord and so on.

[valdangelodreams]

AU# 11 (the Geoff verse)

alright, so, I need to preface this by admitting I have my own personal au that's never gonna happen on account of me being unable to art. I call it, the Geoff verse.

-Geof is Camp's Half Blood very own, really average, clear-sighted, mortal counselor. As in, an actual, real ass, psych intelectual, counselor (basically, camp gets therapy)

-he's broght in somewhere in between the two series to help with the aftermath of the war (actually, he just stumbles in and Dyonisus just keeps him)

-so, obvs he's been seeing anyone willing to visit him to talk, keeping his door open all day, but often also opening at night, just in case.

-on one such night he gets visited by a somewhat reluctant, but clearly in need of a talk, Nico

-he's not very open in the beginning, but he does come back, and he does talk

-so this man's the first to know abt the Percy thing, and the Minos thing, and the Bianca thing

-fast forwards to end of HOO, right when Leo's message reaches Nico, and he feels so much about it

-so he goes see Geof, and just rambles abt it while pacing in the man's "office"

-Geof makes him stop for a bit and rephrase it from his perspective, not what anyone else will think

-and Nico just, full stops, drops into a nearby chair and just blanks for a bit

-finally he admits that he's not sure, so Geof starts asking him questions abt Leo and what his connection is to Nico

-and Nico's answering them while his brain is buffering

-eventually he says what he hadn't realized outloud, real breack-through style

-fast forwards to Leo returning, only he's not with Calypso and he had this resigned air abt it all

-and he just took the whole reaction with a shrug and said nothing of her absence

-later he talks abt it with Piper and the whole thing was like, him explaining they didn't love each other outside of the island

-but also, Leo was all like, 'that was the only way anyone would love me'

-like, Nico was right there, talking with him, and spending time with him, and doing things with him

-I was woken up around then, but Geof was a thing so I'm sure it all worked out

[quidfree]

I'm converting everyone in my life to tsh fans and without fail everyone always tells me that how funny it is that richard tells on himself so badly by writing francis by far the most like an actual person, in contrast especially to how. not like a person camilla is written.

I guess I was just wondering what you find most endearing about the richard-francis dynamic/what aspect you like to write the most, because for me it's got to be the way richard's own narration betrays how close they are just in the details he manages to capture

spreading the good word…

but like yeah you & i share the same instinct when it comes to those two anon you’re so real. bc it really drives me crazy like… richard’s Whole Thing is that he is soo fucked up and he wants to desperately to be part of something Beautiful and Real and Not what he has come from, and so he lies to us and to himself and edits his memories and his interactions and puts a group of pretentious rich kids on a pedestal bc they have the aesthetic of something he wants. and there is some truth to it and to him and to the relationships they build, but as the story progresses it becomes harder and harder for him to hold on to the grand visions he had of them and his life with them bc in fact all of them are just kind of bad people in pretty banal ways. and so by the end he is disillusioned and alone and washes back up to californiaaa baby and all of his once friends are fallen idols and he never really knew them at all.

EXCEPT that’s not true! both bc there were some moments of Realness, but mostly because throughout the whole act two, the one person who is With us-as-richard as everything falls apart is francis! he’s there! he is annoying and everpresent and inspiring richard to have nightmare visions of them as old men still bitching at each other, but he’s There as an actual person! henry’s an absentee god and charles is a study in cruel self-destruction and camilla is a mystery of absence, but francis is an actual right there flesh and blood person! they have serious conversations abt the people they’re in love with! they drive each other up a wall! richard takes francis to get diagnosed w panic disorders! he absolutely Knows francis, and for all that he is constantly complaining abt him, they’re also just. friends. that doesn’t mean theyre Nice About It, but it’s like.. richard you did make an actual friend. somehow in the midst of this whole mess you two stumbled into friendship. it’s just crazy to me bc they’re both so judgmental and shallow in some ways but they know each other at their very worst and that doesn’t stop them being friends. and that’s not enough to keep them #besties after the end of the year (fair enough with two dead friends and three murder/suicides within the space of a year), but YEARS later when francis tries to kill himself he sends richard a goodbye letter! and richard drops everything to rush to him in a panic and when they see each other in the hospital they’re so happy abt it! bc they somehow fucked up and managed to care abt each other despite knowing what assholes they are!

it’s just too good / awful. also the whole ending is so perfect in that regard. squad reunion around the bestie’s suicide bed before his sham homophobia marriage! richard Immediately proposes to camilla bc he’s crazy!! she somehow does not tell him straight up that he’s insane bc they have almost no interaction throughout the whole book and also timing! richard literally tells her they should get married bc they both love(d) henry! etc

anyways i went off topic bc the above isn’t even a proper answer to your question. what i find most endearing is like, francis putting blankets over richard while he sleeps and richard remembering sooooo many of francis’ quips verbatim years later. and what i like writing the most is like… hm. yeah maybe richard self-reporting, and Also i really enjoy writing francis’ feelings from richard pov. maybe a hot take but i do not think theyre at all In Love in the book, so getting to decide what that would look like is really fun. but maybe that’s for another ask…

[yuukei-yikes]

REASONS TO LOVE SHINTARO AS A CHARACTER:

first of all; hes a gamer boy depicted as he really is and not what he thinks he is: a fucking loser who fails at every social situation and also stinks

aside from the jokes, i think he has two main songs in the whole series: toumei answer and lost time memory. im just gonna share lyrics from each song that makes me go INSANE thinking about him:

"The alarm that starts ringing/Says to my lonely self: you're a coldhearted fool" <- his guilt here is delicious to me like he blames himself for her death and yes he did act shitty and he abandoned her but he didnt do it out of malice he did it bc he didnt know how to approach her but he thinks he killed her and its also killing him OUGH

"The color of your hair/The shape of your smile/Someone might have already forgotten it" <- and then HES the one who forgets everything about ayano bc of the trauma like here he laments that her absence that has already changed his entire world might be this insignificant to someone else AND YET AND YET HIS MIND LOCKS HER OUT ITS JUST. OUGH

(NOT TO MENTION HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION WHEN HE SEES THE FLOWERS WHEN HE REALIZES WHEN HE SEES THE PAPER CRANE)

(get ready for lost time memory brainrot bc that kills me every fucking time its my fav song)

"Even after years, the shadow doesn't fade/It only invites more emotions." <- he doesnt remember but the absence is heavy on his mind it KILLS me

"If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward/I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead." <- self destructive EVEN in the good route where hes not as suicidal like being self deprecating is a huge part of his brain

"Feeling hazy, let's remain unaffected today too/And keep up yesterday's pace/So that I won't ever forget your warmth/If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then/I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from" <- GOING INSANE GOING FERAL hes SO FULL OF REGRET and hes SUCH A STUPID BITCH that his solution is to stay in his own head and live in his dreams (literally) like i want to hug him and i want to slap him

"A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again/While clinging on to your colorful smile" <- just imagining how route X shintaro is often colored with black and dull colors bc his world has lost the color OUGH

(god just. the ending part where he desperately reaches out to clutch ayano vs him moving on from the tragedy and the proud and tearful smile of ayano just HNNGGH HE REALLY GREW DIDNT HE)

(and who cant relate to wanting to change things bc u lost ur chance before but u cant change anything so u just disappear into ur head trying to either comfort urself by daydreaming or trying to find other stuff, try to forget ur will and wallow in passivity, its just so *chefs kiss*)

i get it hes not a very likable person and he does act shitty and bratty and the anime really doesnt give him the floor to change BUT!!! give him a chance and he WILL become ur poor little meow meow. guaranteed.

reply under read more cuz this should be its own post!! and also all i gotta say is YESSSS YEEEES YESSSSS shintaro is. such a good character and i also wanna cry my eyes out with EVERYTHING abt lost time memory.

he's just a stupid guy and the thing abt shintaro is that he will ALWAYS do what's right. he has a very strong sense of justice and he's very clear on his principles. and he will always speak up for others and stand up for what he thinks is right. and this like... a HILARIOUS virtue for a character who is ALSO so awkward, difficult to approach, bratty and self centered. like that's so funny.he is such a special little guy and HE IS AWESOME

he's so cringe fail and an asshole but he's also the hero and deserves praise for it. like cry about it. he is a good guy but he's also the worst. but also he's the best. hope that helps

he and ayano are such character foils... like.... both have this strong sense of justice and they're really really REALLY the damn heroes. hold on i need to cry a little

[tojikai]

Not to get personal and long I’m so sorry 😭 but growing up I slowly started to notice things my mom had gone through and I always acted like I wasn’t aware cause I knew the last thing she wanted was for us to know because she really tried her best to hide it and while reading sundered and catharsis I couldn’t help but think to that. I’m sure Y/n tried her best to have protected yui from her and gojo’s problems but would you say she was actually successful in making sure she wasn’t becoming aware of the environment she was born to? I do remember yui knowing when something was wrong especially with her mom. But when I read those scenes with gojo’s mom it genuinely had me mad at how gojo’s mom was willing to have yui witness behavior as such. Do you see yui later in the future wonder what was going on, asking about it and how would y/n react?

there really are parents who will protect their kids with everything they have 🥺 even if it meant changing their whole life for them. as for satoru, since he had his own issues with his mom, the desperation that stems from this kind of overlapped with his priorities (wc is yui and yn), it's frustrating really, and he learned the hard way that some people are just lost causes. and yes, i see yui asking questions. even as a kid, she's already looking for her dad, noticing the sudden change in their environment and his absence (in catharsis). in the near future, i see her keeping some thoughts to herself until she gathers enough courage to ask her parents abt them. yn would want to be honest but she'd find some things hard to explain without making her feel uncomfortable or disappointed. (e.g the fact that yui was a surprise 🥹)

[angelsdean]

home always feels like an episode they should have waited a season or two to do to me, when the mythology and characters were a little more lived it. I don't know if this makes sense, but i think in any other season, or even this season in the backhalf, this set up would have lent itself to a classic Dean Studies episode, and it feels weird that once we're actually in the house, we're actually seeing Mary, we totally pull back on Dean. Honestly, outside of the phone call to John, he's very sidelined despite this being an easy set up to explore backstory for him as the only character there who has a memory of the fire. And even Sam as the POV character falls flat not because there isn't interesting tension there, it could have worked! but because it's so heavy unfolding the psychic plot point and it's clear that that's more important to the episode than the family mythology. It just feels like you could take the bones of the episode, drop into season 3, and get something that looks completely different. (You said this much more eloquently re: the narrative, but I'm on s2 of my own rewatch and i keep thinking about this, haha).

hii sorry i didn't answer this sooner, but yea that's def how i felt rewatching it like, it just feels like it comes too soon for it to really *do* anything. we haven't yet really felt the haunting absence of mary. their main plot focuses rn are 1.) finding john (and in conjunction w/ that, finding and killing azazel) and 2.) literally just starting in this ep, sam's psychic visions. the whole concept of going back home and being confronted w/ their mother's literal ghost who recognizes and can talk to them is a HUGE thing that deserved to be the main focus, not a footnote in an ep trying to introduce a major plot element, sam's visions.

literally like you said, there's IS tension from sam's POV but they just don't go anywhere with it, since the focus is more on his psychic visions. like the scene w/ sam and mary could've been so much more. and if this came later in the season, or even a few seasons later, mary's "i'm sorry" to sam would've held more weight and packed a punch bc she feels responsible for what's happened to sam !!! for the deal w/ azazel and causing sam to be infected w/ demon blood. but sitting in the 9th episode of s1 where we still barely know anything it just falls flat and feels like she's just apologizing for what? dying? of course we have the gift of knowing everything to come later, but i'm trying to put myself in the shoes of the 2005 audience. what would they have thought she was apologizing for? like up until s4 that audience doesn't even know about mary being a hunter or her deal. so like, for those early years, it would just seem like she was apologizing for i guess not getting to sam fast enough to stop azazel and for dying ??

but yea anyways i feel like dean should've been the central character for an episode like this and we already know mary's death was traumatic for him. he tells lucas in 1x03 how he stopped talking after mary died. he tells lucas he's scared all the time but tries his best to be brave bc he thinks it's what his mom would've wanted. mary is such a central figure in dean's life and memories and is thee anchor to the myth of the "perfect family" that never was that dean is constantly yearning for and why family is so important to him. also comments like dean saying he always wanted to be a firefighter when he was a kid reveal a lot abt how much the fire affected him and fueled his desire to save people. and then in 1x09 Home itself, we see dean go in to save the blonde mom while he tells sam to save the kids which is interesting bc in 1x03 dean immediately goes for the kid and lets sam save the mom. so, it feels like subconsciously there's something there with dean and his desire to save mary. and this would've been a great episode to explore that trauma and guilt he has for not being able to save her (and god it's so irrational and he must know it, he was literally 4 yrs old what could he have done !!!) but still.

anyways this is getting long but yea i think at the very least, home should've come later in the season and not have to share the plot w/ introducing sam's psychic powers. there's just SO much they could've done with the whole concept of going back home and seeing mary's ghost. i wanted them to feel haunted !!!! haunted by home and the myth of mary !!!!!

[sttoru]

so i like i a girl (i think)

well i used to have a big crush on her about a year ago but i think my fear of rejection and commitment is the only thing that’s stopping me from asking her out.

okay so about a year or two ago, i had a big crush on this girl in my college. we have so much in common and we talked all the time. and then during the end of my first year, i asked her out (not like a romantic/date kinda of thing, just as friends going out ykiwm?). so we went to the cinema and then we walked about until we both went our separate ways to go home and then i immediately lost feelings for her. not as in i hated her or anything, i could never she’s always been so sweet to me but i just didn’t feel that romantic interest in her anymore. that’s until i spoke to her recently.

time skip to the present (so two years later from the event above) she’s working full time and i’ve moved to a different college to prep for uni next year. for some reason i had missed her so much and i have no idea why. these feelings came back outta nowhere and then i ended up inviting her to see the fnaf movie with me and omg it was so good to see her again it’s literally been MONTHS since we’ve talked or seen each other face to face. um anyways, i like her again.

btw (if it wasn’t obvious) i haven’t confessed to her at all (bc i’m a coward). i was so close to saying something at the cinema but i didn’t (again, bc i’m a coward). but i feel bad. i feel like i’m leading her on or toying with her feelings. i don’t want to see mom like i’m wasting her time, i just wasn’t ready at first. dgmw i could wait and see what the future holds but i doubt i’m gonna find another person like her. (i’m so sorry this got so long 💀)

tl;dr

i got a big fat crush on this girl and i am fighting back demons to not confess my feelings to her because i lost interest in her a few years ago but those feelings came back recently when i met up with her after so long and i don’t want to seem like a piece of shit

OKKAAAAY THERES A LOT TO UNPACK HERE !!.!:!:8 😦😦

UHM okay first of all EEEEK ik . . . love is hard & (romantic) feelings are hard to fully understand too. it’s much more complicated / complex than ppl think — like it’s described in ur msg to a certain degree. but tbh.,,,

theres this saying that goes ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ which is actually perfect for your situation LOL i think the fact that you have realised your feelings for that girl after you spent a long time apart & met up again, says a lot. u speak very highly about her so there definitely must be some kind of feelings involved too

i would say: take time and figure it out before anything else. keep contact with her if yu can, don’t hint or do anything that you’re unsure of or could possibly lead her on when you aren’t sure about your own feelings abt her yet. bcs what if your feelings go from romantic to platonic again? yk it happens LOL figuring out what you precisely see someone as is stressful but yea it has to be done to prevent unnecessary painful consequences

thoooo if you ARE 100% sureeee of your big crush for her, then i will also advice you to take your time & dont rush into anything. i dont think you’ll lose contact any time soon (since you had a 2 year break before) so dont worry abt that. confess if you feel like the time is right / whenever you feel comfortable doing it — no forcing urself to!!!!!!!

u wont seem like a piece of shit if you figure your own feelings out first . keep it at friends until you do! then its all goooood . GL BBY U CAN DO THIS >_< tis nerve wracking but if u take enough time to reflect, im sure everything will work out smoooothly

[sunbeamsoup]

4 for twfafy, 10, 19 for always you, 25, 30, 45, and 49!

Ah!!! :)

ask game here

4. What detail of twfafy are you really proud of?

Probably the fact that I wrote it all and am still striving to finish it! I haven't been as interested in engaging with atla beyond general appreciation for the show for a while now, and in some ways that had made pushing through twfafy challenging. But, I do have an affection for the story itself and the characters and the joy that comes with sharing it that absolutely keeps me dedicated to finishing the fic no matter how my interest in the source text wanes/changes. I wanted to add to the mailee tag because they're just wonderful and I'm really happy to have done so!

10. How do you decide what to write?

Spite!

Well, fanfiction usually comes about when a thematic interest of mine coincides with questions I have of the source material and whichever ones pull me in the most get written. Twfafy is in large part an effort to offer another mailee longfic where they are the sole pairing, but there are a lot of things working within it. I had questions abt how fandom treats the young fire nation characters, how the show itself engages with them, how a romantic relationship between the mai and ty lee would function in a close-to-canon context, how mai and ty lee's betrayal of azula could have been rooted in years of build up and what that might look like, how their perception of the war changes, etc. and thematically there's all the usual points about love, family, loss, absence, violence, and agency which paired with the questions i have. the draw is definitely the mailee relationship, but there's other stuff here lol. 'Always You' was in response to conversations fandom has had about wei wuxian in mo xuanyu's offered body in the present timeline, which either dissatisfied me, intrigued me, or plainly pissed me off. How to approach that in a fic was interesting to me, and I thought it could work as a smaller piece to give u for ur birthday. Thematically we're dealing with identity, recognition, love, the past as it shapes the present, physical appearance feeling contradictory, etc. which worked with my questions of the story that became 'Always You.' And now I'm working on a big au trying to marry some of the themes of hmc with the characters, setting, and story (almost not quite it's a whole thing) paired w my own need to write old man lan wangji. My sunshot canon divergence is mainly based on spite, while also considering several themes that i will be making everyone's problem soon enough :)

19. If you wrote a spin-off to 'Always You,' what would it involve?

There's a few things left unsaid that could be fun to play with. maybe we would check-in on lan xichen we all seemed to love the super fun time lan xichen was having of things. maybe another scenario could push the unanswered questions to firmer resolution, but idk I really love where the fic ended. I'm not sure an expansion would service it, no matter how fun it would be. But who knows, I may have a better idea to expand it by the time ur birthday comes again.

25. What other website or resources do you use most often when you write?

What, am I supposed to reveal all my secrets???

While I've gone on many a Wikipedia binge while writing I rarely use it as a source, especially given how complex some questions can become. Mainly, I have the original text beside me and marked off to relevant sections so I can refer to it (or reaffirm that I am not making shit up when pulling on canonical specifics). For twfafy I have a tab open to watch the atla episodes relevant to what the given chapter is covering (and I still manage to fuck up the timeline, go figure). Mdzs fics are written with three/four different translations open to check quick details I somehow forgot in the 600k+ words of text or to look over descriptions of places, characters, and so on.

When it comes to research I don't fuck around. At least, I try not to, I think it's important (I'm not biased not at all ignore the history major behind the curtain). But I'm also privileged with my university email which gets me access to academic sources that are often indispensable, informative and interesting. Researching for fic is a whole other topic that I won't get into here ask separately if you want an overly invested reply lmao. Even if none of the stories I engage with are strictly historical I do think there's value, even responsibility at a certain threshold of ignorance/inexperience, in like. At least tossing an inquiry into ur search bar instead of copy-pasting the usual responsibility-waving disclaimer in the fic's notes.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

In original fiction, all the fucking time, often for a grade, lol.

I don't know if I've written enough fanfiction to make this claim, but I think so? The zu/kka longfic that I was writing years ago was far from my comfort zone, but that experience was actually quite detrimental to shaping my confidence as a writer and reliance on external validation (no 17 year old should know that thousands of ppl like the fic they aren't sure they can ever finish, it will make them believe they've peaked while they form an unhealthy, warped view of what amnt of feedback signifies that you've written something "good." ahem.) But from that point, I've only ever written fic that I was invested in and cared about outside of the response it garnered from others. I am the proud writer of two fics that could be considered certified flops in some circles and I love 'em!

Content-wise I suppose this new sunshot canon divergence is out of my comfort zone in that it has no plot but is being written quicker than I've ever written anything in my life. We'll have to see how that goes!

45. What's something you've improved on since you started writing fic?

I hope my prose has gotten a bit better. I know it can get a bit clunky and arrhythmic, but I imagine fixing that will just be a matter of time. I do think my descriptions have improved, though I'm sure there's much room to refine them. Sometimes I even use the right "its/'s," so there's that.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you're up for it!

Certainly! From all three of my wips because it's my answer I do what I want:

TWFAFY CH.8

Ty Lee leaned in and forced the book open, right on the page where that account lay, calling out to Mai’s shame with dark ink that seemed to grow bolder the longer she tried to avoid looking directly at it. 

“‘Lover,’” Ty Lee whispered. “It’s always ‘lover.’”

“Always?” 

She released her grip on the book gladly when Ty Lee tugged for it, feeling cool air upon her palms when once more they touched nothing. 

“This is a good story,” Ty Lee said, as if Mai hadn’t spoken aloud. “You should read it.”

HMC AU CH.1

 “Jin-gongzi, do not misunderstand. Whatever right you may have to these grounds on the basis of your clan’s prominence does not negate the hazard these nets pose. When we talk of fairness we mean it to extend to conduct, as well. These nets violate the principle of fairness in every conceivable way, isn’t that so?”

Though the boy’s point had been lengthier than strictly necessary, Lan Wangji couldn’t help but approve. 

Jin Ling’s petulant gaze froze over. 

“How is it fair to me that they’ve stepped in my nets? Did I set them with the intention to catch anything but prey? What principle is followed by that stupid girl being too dull to see the clear trap I laid? Is it so hard? These nets are made of gold!” He pointed an accusatory finger towards the round-faced girl, who stood a pace off from them. “It is not my fault if you're too simple to recognize the sheen of a golden net! You wandering cultivators always make such a mess!” He switched his ire back to the sweet-faced boy and stepped forward, shaking a bit. “You wait until I’ve settled the matter here on Dafan mountain, then see if you still have such an issue with me!”

(we don't know wen yuan's name just yet but we should all know here and now that's who the 'sweet-faced boy' is hehehe)

SUNSHOT THING CH. IDK

Excerpt One:

No body in that pit could be found but his own, digging in, splitting through his nails as he tore through root and rock and soil. 

Toiling down into its depth.

When water began to pool he could have mistaken it for the pit’s own bleeding, weeping as it did from beneath his raking fingers. If you go further…

Excerpt Two:

Several steps ahead, caught in the sun's fading warmth, there seemed to be a hollow of golden light just beside the glow already bathing Lan Wangji. No matter how he tried to follow, Wei Wuxian could not catch up to it, could not stand within, for Lan Wangji walked too quick and didn't know to look behind. Eventually, all light became shadows, and only in their veil was Wei Wuxian able to take the extra step forward, walking beside Lan Wangji once again.

Excerpt Three:

He’d dragged Lan Wangji an inch, mud caking on the heels of those plain white boots.

A serving boy, no more than fifteen, came upon them. His robes were splattered here and there with dried, cracking blood.

“Hanguang-jun is, is he…?”

Wei Wuxian continued to struggle, walking backwards, his feet threatening to slip on the ground beneath him.

“He’s fine,” he said, fully aware of how their position looked to an outsider.

The boy hesitated, debating his next course of action, before he stiffened and tilted his head chin-up, defiant.

“Wei Wuxian, I must defend the corpse of this gentleman. You will absolutely not be allowed to use Hanguang-jun’s body for your purposes on the battlefield.”

Bold.

“I’ll use whoever’s body I-,” he sighed.

Adjusting his hold on Lan Wangji he shot the serving boy a look.

“Go find your superiors and acquire a task better than berating me for no reason.”

“But-”

“Lan er-gongzi is not dead,” he gained another inch backwards and stopped, taking a deep, indulgent breath. “He’s drunk.”

[inlovewithaspiderguy]

tua: the Trench AU

I’m writing this here because I can’t be bothered to open my notes app rn and if I don’t write it down I’ll forget abt it

Edit:

The Hargreeves siblings live in Dema. They are in a kind of bourgeoise social class due to their old money but some of them (Diego, Klaus, Viktor) fell down a class, purposely or not. Ben is dead because I can’t write him but Klaus hallucinates him around due to drugs and alcohol. Their father is dead too. They’re adopted and the same age as in season one. Five is 13 years old but he’s very mature for his age. D, F, and K live together in a small apartment and have shit jobs: Diego is a taxi driver, Klaus is a minor, Five is a minor (pun). Luther and Allison are respectively a cop guarding the Dema border and an actress in propaganda movies. Those two live together in the old Hargreeves house but they aren’t necessarily a thing. V lives alone, he’s a music teacher.

The fic starts when Five goes missing after school. Viktor first notices because Five is at his school and skipped his class, the last of the day. Diego and Klaus realize (through a note Five left for them) that he intends to join the banditos. The whole family has the same bishop who will start looking for him as soon as he knows of the escape, however his brothers aren’t fond of that idea because they’ve seen people be dragged back to Dema and they were hurt by their bishop. They’d rather they got him back by themselves. They contact Luther and Allison, she wants to go looking for him but he doesn’t, as a border cop this would be bad for his reputation if he left his position. They convince him to at least keep quiet abt it. Allison, Diego, Klaus, and Viktor pack and leave Dema.

They trek through the countryside for a while. Allison and Diego’s biggest concerns are what the banditos are going to do to Five if he gets to them, and what will happen to him if he gets lost. Klaus and Viktor worry about the bishop’s punishment on Five. There have been a lot of escapees recently and the ones who got caught by their bishops were treated as examples for the other citizens. After a day of walking, they realize someone is following them, and attack him only to find out it’s Luther. He didn’t want to let down his family and besides it would be good for his rep if they got Five back before anyone (even the bishop) notices his absence. They’re all together now, except for Five.

While they’re crossing the country, they start to rethink their views on vialism. It is the reason why Five left after all. They all more or less subscribe to this religion, be it in a genuine way or a self loathing way, i guess it’s both. but they discover how life can be outside of Dema and wonder if vialism is worth it. Everyone is sort of having an existential crisis.

On the second night they camped and are asleep except for one guarding them, when that siblings hears someone. It’s the family’s bishop (Idk if I should invent one or not) who knows they all disappeared. He rides his horse past them without noticing them and goes away. The siblings have a conversation, because now it may look like they planned to leave with Five when really they wanted to get him back. Some want to return to Dema, some want to get Five then go back to the city, and some want to find and stay with the banditos. They figure out they’ll stick together for now and make a decision when/if they find the banditos.

The banditos are much closer than they think. They have a settlement nearby Dema, where Five took shelter when he left. He’s on his way to the main camp but he’s not alone at all. A bandito has been following them from afar ever since they left Dema, that rebel doesn’t know that they’re Five’s family so they don’t interact with the Hargreeves. They just keep an eye on this group of Dema citizens.

I’m there so far. I wanna write about the bishop attacking the banditos and Five getting out alive but smeared and eventually finding his family, but I’d have to make this post even longer.

[forgottenroisin]

ooooo obsessed w allll of this!!!!1 i want it on my blog!!!! and also the replies we did <333333

giadesstrin Aug 1 @forgottenbrigit imagine having heavy cleaning associated w ur bday 😭😭😭 my condolences, brigit!!! I think she should be forgiven on the spot for ANY outburst of anger she EVER has in light of this information 😭😭😭 giadesstrin Aug 1 @forgottenbrigit AHHHHHHH OBSESSEDDDDD w her birth story tho!!!!!!!!!!!! Also ooooh omg @forgotteneithne i looove that hc that sorcha was v religious and bran more traditional but less believing! I feel like that also really dovetails w the story abt Sorcha seeing her own ghost on Samhain before she died, too!! Also rosie probs lowkey like ‘xerces called mama to him that we might keep Brigit w us’ if she died in winter forgottenbrigit Aug 1 Original Poster @giadesstrin @forgotteneithne laskjflsadjfdsalfj ahh omg yes love the idea that sorcha died in winter! forgotteneithne Aug 1 @forgottenbrigit @giadesstrin I love this too! Also brb crying about this too! 😭 forgotteneithne Aug 1 @giadesstrin @forgottenbrigit I also love this idea about their parents! Maybe since malconaire is SO rooted in nature, Bran did tend towards those traditions more? (That seems v on brand for the Malconaire family in general!) forgottenbrigit Aug 1 Original Poster @forgotteneithne @forgottenroisin I agree!!!! And I feel like that lends them to be kinda of ~spiritual~ if not religious? Brigit has always been more traditions based with the religion, too, until she literally started seeing the guardians haha giadesstrin Aug 1 @forgotteneithne @forgottenbrigit I feel like this also really fits w Rosie’s views of religion verging on superstition like…she’s all in on the traditions vis both parents but she was little when her mama died so she saw the faith but wasn’t old enough to fully understand it so she sort of flailed around tryna do her best w this mysterious world as presented to her by them both as a lil kid and…here we are! An eight year olds best understanding of what her mother told her worn away over tbc Decades to vague anxious misgiving and blind hope @forgottenroisin forgotteneithne Aug 1 @forgottenbrigit LIZZZZY! I love all of this! I definitely think Eithne always embroidered a new ornament for the tree each year as she as she'd mastered her needlework! And probably STILL does it, even though I doubt there's much tree decorating now! #thanksroderick forgotteneithne Aug 1 (and also probably #thanks @forgottenvalentina, too!!) Also, i def love the idea of the family being more spiritual than religious! I feel like maybe the Stafford influence + having Sorcha as a mother maybe led them all to take some of the traditions a bit more seriously over the years? I know on Eithne's side, I doubt she was ever overly religious, even with Sorcha's influence?? Aoife I think might be a bit more religious/follows the traditions than Eithne

giadesstrin Aug 2 @forgotteneithne @forgottenbrigit roisin sneaking the ornaments to the tree by wearing them as ‘earrings’ but since they’re just embroidery Valentina like ‘gross’ and doesn’t notice 😂 no but omg!! That’s so cute!! I love the idea that this maybe leaves a track record of like…the girls learning to see and such and they can line them up and see their progress 🥹🥹🥹 but also yeah!! Valentina def won’t have those devilish ways in ~her house! Now that Roderick’s against it!! I def feel like this tbc Probs leads to maybe like brigit and rosie climbing to the top of the tree and decorating it where Valentina can’t see? Also I like this idea that the older girls are more spiritual and the younger slightly more religious? Like it def feels like a fault line through the fam of watching ur mom die at a certain age yknow? The younger ones turning to her beliefs to deal w it or cling to her in her absence, etc, the older ones more influenced by their living parent or even feeling betrayed by tbc Faith that couldn’t save her etc like…whatever all of their reasons I find it interesting that it cracks along the older/younger half and basically I feel like there’s a lot we can explore there too! forgotteneithne Aug 2 @giadesstrin that is SO true!!! I sort of had the idea that Eithne spent a lot of time with her father— considering she was going to be his heir!— so I think she probably picked up his habits/ideas on their traditions mostly from him! But I definitely can see where Aoife was trying to connect with their mother in some way! Also, I think just the concept of having these silent, unseen entities there caring for them would be comforting to her in a way? Being that’s she’s sort of quiet and tbc @forgottenbrigit often unnoticed herself! Also just being younger and a bit more of a homebody, she probably had more exposure to some of her mother’s religious rituals or w/e??? giadesstrin Aug 2 @forgotteneithne oh yeah I wasn’t tryna push anything just meant those as like ~potential examples of what I was tryna say but yes! Eithne spending the most time w her dad as his heir I love that 😩😩😩 I know he was so unbelievably proud of her too 😩😩😩 and omg 🥺🥹 aoife connecting w unseen powers im WEEP 😩😩😩😩 you got this queen!!!!! I love the idea of like…their spheres of influence/hanging out w which parent kinda pushed them down individual paths that’s so presh 🥺🥺🥺

forgotteneithne Aug 2 @giadesstrin oh no I def didn’t think you were trying to push anything!!! 💕💕 ALSO thinking about how we’d sort of discussed that Rosie is often Aoife’s ‘voice’ in situation— not that Rosie is forcing those ideas upon Aoife but that they’re sort of on the same page about these things!! Also just being the two youngest and maybe having less pressure of being the heir and, technically, the second in line for @forgottenbrigit I just realized!!! (Duh Kate, that’s how families work! 🤷🏻‍♀️) the two tbc Younger girls really got to explore things in sort of a different way that the older two! giadesstrin Aug 2 @forgotteneithne omggggg yassss and maybe even this coming out of them being the two who take spiritualism to a different place, both of them being younger and thus needing their mom more when she died and tryna reach out thru smth unseen and spiritual that she believed in!!!!! I looooove!!!! And omg yassss i def think rosie was spoiled haha I lowjey think her being the baby and losing her mom so early led bran to coddle her more tbqh like she lowkey learned what death was by watching it takeTBC Her mom and bran wanted to try to make up for that plus the fact that he was so overwhelmed by being a single dad to four girls suddenly and yeahhhh maybe overcompensated a bit 😭😂 @forgottenbrigit @forgotteneithne omg yeah au where eithne goes missing for a bit or smth and Brigit has to try being lady of the wood for a bit 😭😂 forgotteneithne Aug 2 @giadesstrin Eithne DEFINITELY coddled Rosie! She's desperate for nothing bad to happen to her sisters EVER but ESPECIALLY Rosie! Because she is the baby-- even now! Also i now am having so many thoughts about Brigit being the next in line to take Malconaire! like maybe there was this unspoken thing after @forgottencassimir showed up that it was him but Eithne def always wanted it to be brigit! and maybe she even considered that brigit might be the steward?! tbc (sorry @forgottencillian !) but idk... eithne knew her fate was malconaire so she wanted her sisters to have a chance to go out an explore and make their own lives so she might have never mentioned it to @forgottenbrigit !!! giadesstrin Aug 2 @forgotteneithne @forgottenbrigit oh cillian woukd 100000% agree that Brigit deserves it over him!! I also wonder if like…in Valentina’s mind it was Cassimir next but in brand it was still Brigit? And maybe that’s part of what caused the first argument there like bran still out his girls’ rights over his adopted children? Idk!! But also 🥺😩 eithne coddling rosie!!!!! Protecting her!!!! I feel like rosie def went through a phase when she first went to court of at once like craving that and tbc Rebelling against it bc she’s ‘too old’ for that now etc etc but yeah post-war she def realizes how lucky she was and how much she took that for granted even while rejecting it but I also don’t think she really knows how to articulate all of that?? And weirdly her trying like stop eithnes marriage etc is not only her just being a loving sister who wants the best for her etc…but also tryna repay her in kind and apologize for being a jerk when she was in her rebellious teen years hahaha forgotteneithne Aug 2 @giadesstrin Awww Rosie! <3 Ooo i could def imagine there might be a bit of a tiff between she and Eithne if Rosie felt like her older sister was at court, too, to 'watch out' for her! (which, lets be real, she probably kind of was!) but her trying to pay eithne back! SOB! I think she would totally have understood Rosie was just 'at that age' but also <3333333 giadesstrin Aug 2 @forgotteneithne oooh omg now I’m like 😭😭😭 bc what if they were in a bit of a fight when rosie left the castle fir malconaire and then all this hardship was breaking out and Rosie just felt so incredibly guilty terrified that might’ve been the last thing she ever said to her sister and 😭😭😭

Malconaire Imbolc Traditions

It is said that Phaedra, the goddess of spring, is often granted this one day by Xerxes, the god of winter, to allow the everyone to gather enough firewood to last them the rest of the winter. If the weather on Imbolc is fair, then the mornings are spent harvesting firewood in preparation for the rest of the winter to come. If, however, the weather is fowl, it is taken as a sign that winter is to come to an end soon, and instead everyone spends their mornings around the fire with warm drinks in hand celebrating that warmer days are ahead.

The evergreen trees are often decorated for Imbolc and the great tree that grows through Malconaire has always been decorated by the children of the current Lord the night before

It has always been a tradition for the four girls to stay up late into the night placing garlands and ornaments upon its branches.

In the afternoon, the unmarried girls partake in a parade where they all wear white with their hair unbound as a symbol of purity and youth

They go from house to house in the village and receive food that shall be offered to the guardians that evening

It is said that Imbolc is the coldest night of the year and that it is the one night that the god Xerxes is allowed a warm haven from the cold winter nights

It is said that, if he is not invited in, that he shall cover the land in a great blizzard and his wrath shall know no mercy until the first day of spring comes

In each house, a bed is made up for Xerxes

A family member is then chosen to represent Xerxes (at Malconaire it is often Brigit given that this was her nameday)

Wearing a crown of ivy and snowdrops, they circle the house three times before knocking thrice upon the door and asking to be let in. On the third time, they are welcomed.

There is then a great feast in the evening to mark the last night of winter. Food and drink are set aside for the guardians.

After the festivities, they light candles and visit the graves of their loved ones -- decorating them with garlands of holly and ivy -- and saying silent prayers

Before going to bed, clothing is left out for the guardians to bless, with the hope that they shall give their wearer both healing and protection

The day following the festival, the entire village undergoes a "spring cleaning" as they look forward to the next season (brigit hated this part ngl)

They also rake the ashes smooth from the fire in the great hall to see if there are any signs that Xerxes had, indeed, visited

If there was nothing, it would be believed that bad fortune was coming to them during the next winter unless they made enough offerings to the guardians

Brigit's Birthday Traditions

Since Imbolc is actually Saint Brigid's day, I'm headcannoning that Brigit was actually born on Imbolc!

Her mother was not due for many weeks yet and when she suddenly went into labor during the celebration and festivities, it all came to a halt

It did not look well and they were concerned that neither she nor Brigit would survive

In the chaos, a bed was never made for Xerxes and a terrible storm blew through Malconaire which prevented the doctor from being sent for

When Sorcha realized what had happened, she stood from her own bed and opened the window, whispering out to Xerxes that her bed was his own, if he would spare her child

Despite Bran's insistence, Sorcha would not get back into her bed

A few moments before midnight, Brigit was born and as soon as she came into the world the wind and the snow stopped

When the doctor did arrive, he was stunned to see both mother and child were in such good health

In the morning, when the fire had burned out and the ashes were made smooth, there was a small rock found beneath them that Sorcha swore resembled a horse

She said that they should all take it as a sign that Xerxes has been there, after all, and it was he who saved them. She also said that she feared that this would mean that her Brigit would be as untameable and fierce as a wild horse (she was right)

Brigit's mother used to tell her this story whenever Brigit felt like she was out of place

When she was little, she believed it wholeheartedly, but as she grew older, she started to think her mother just told her this to make her feel better

It wasn't until she started to see the guardians for herself that she started to wonder if, perhaps, it was all true after all

She still has the rock that was found in the ashes

Brigit's present on her 18th birthday was the bow that belonged to her grandfather, Commander Lorcan

His sword and armour, of course, stayed with Lorcan and are in Padraig's possession but both her cousin and her father determined that Brigit ought to have his bow <3

@forgottenaoife & @forgottenroisin : I'm not sure if this has been established anywhere before, but I was wondering what the Malconaire's parents stance was on religion? Writing this, I feel like Sorcha was rather religious but Bran was more just in it for tradition? Thoughts on this???

[caramelmochacrow]

i am a bit mad bc of me playing some fighting games a while ago so i wont be able to. like. point out everything and word things properly but i'll try my best to point out stuff i noticed in the mv of world etude and from quickly checking the wiki page haha.

ok. world etude's bpm is 142, close to prayer[s] (bpm is 145) so that means that's what it's probably connected to (like w merm4id's being connected to princess advent)

this could be my terrible memory speaking but im sure i hear a few sounds and synths from ultramarino, nirvana, nocturne, and i thiiink tenshi to akuma in the song. (also some of the guitar parts are a bit similar to the breakdown in prayer[s])

the way tsubaki is singing sounds a bit close to how aoi was singing in blooming rose w how high her voice is but yet again, that could be my terrible memory tricking me. that or she's trying to replicate the kind of sound she had in ultramarino flor seca.

now, enough abt the song and how it sounds, onto the mv!

the mv has a lot of compass stuff, and if u didn't know, abyssmare is suppossed to represent the four cardinal directions (North South East and West or Neo Sophia Elsie and Weronika) why do they have this? im not sure, but something that's a bit interesting to me is that neo likes chess and rondo's 2nd anniversary cards are based on four chess pieces (aoi the king, tsubaki the queen, hiiro the bishop, and nagisa the knight). the fact that the mv makes references to the four cardinal directions and rondo having chess related stuff might mean something personal might be happening between abyssmare and rondo that it's affecting all four of them and not just the vocalists.

at 0:49 in the mv, they show a giant spiral stair case as a tiny golden compass falls down the screen, they cut to a bird's eye view of the spiral staircase that looks like it's descending downward as the compass follows too. it looks like this one part of the traumerei mv at 0:49 (hey, isn't that funny?) and 1:41, which implies this song has a connection to traumerei, meaning that it's either a sequel or prequel to it.

and then at 1:55 it's a very quick scene but i went frame by frame to see clearly and they show the silhouettes of rondo's first promo art (them in the outfits, yk, standing and stuff) all in their own lines, by themselves, then the lines all intertwine w each other in some way which leads them to the silhouettes for the 1st anniversary outfits, still far apart but a bit closer than the last, until they finally stop at the 2nd anniversary outfits w them being seen clearly, then they show rondo's logo and the song ends.

this probably implies that rondo will become closer in their side origin? they were already close before but i think bc of something that happens in the event (possibly relating to abyssmare) that will cause them to become closer than before.

the text above is probably a wrong now but im still keeping it bc i saw the new cards for side origin and. :)

tsubaki's card is called wandering which might imply that rondo is kinda not in a good time rn and hiiro's card does not help w this at all since the tarot card she's playing with her hand is the tower arcana upright and the tower arcana usually means disruptive change or sudden revelations, aka: it's bad. it's terrible, bad shit is going to happen. if it was reversed that would be worse bc reversed it means: negligence, absence, distribution, carelessness, distraction, apathy, nullity, and vanity.

so..... i hope rondo the very best in side origin :D