#keep it covert

[starlitangels]

Saw a screenshot of a Tweet that was like “Tweet like the MCU is real and you live in it.”

So obviously:

Reblog this with a post like the Redactedverse is real and you live in it

I’ll go first

“Best part about being a Dreamwalker is putting my Freelancer sister to sleep when she’s being insufferable. Best part of having a Fire Elemental husband is not needing to turn the heater on in the winter”

[ashturnedtomist]

Keep it Covert Ch. 7

No, Damien’s Right. It IS weird.

Keep it Covert Masterlist

Previous | Beginning | Next

Summary: In which, Freelancer and Lovely meet, Damien is really frustrated for unrelated reasons.

Based off this post

Read it on Ao3!

Huxley was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement while Damien tiredly sipped on a cup of coffee next to him.

“I don’t understand why you had to wake everyone at 3 am last night to do this.” He mumbles.

Huxley seemed to somehow get brighter. “Because that’s when Lovely called! I had to make sure that everyone knew as soon as possible!”

Damien sighed, seemingly resigned as he took another sip of his coffee.

“…it’s 5 o’clock in the afternoon, how are you still tired?” Damien nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice in his ear.

There stood Freelancer with Gavin just behind. Lasko was rapidly approaching as well.

Damien got his bearings before shaking his head. “You try convincing Huxley to go back to sleep after he gets excited.”

They paused. “Fair enough.”

Lasko finally caught up, seemingly out of breath. “I…sorry…parking…down the street…”

Gavin frowned. “Why didn’t you just park in the parking lot?” Damien narrowed his eyes. “In this part of town? I’d like to keep my tires, thanks.”

Gavin gave him a playful smile. “Don’t be so harsh, Damien.”

Damien’s jaw clenches. “Not in the mood.” Huxley laughs. “C’mon, Dames. We’re here for a good time.”

——

The main room was generally empty, save for a pair of vampires flitting around the room and 2 men in business attire whispering in a corner.

One of the vampires broke away and dashed to Damien and Huxley. “Damien! Hux! How are you?”

Huxley grinned brightly. “Hey, you! How are you?”

They brightened. “I’m good!” They peeked around the earth elemental. “Who’s with you?”

Damien tiredly introduced each individual. “Lasko, Gavin, and the Freelancer.” Lasko gave a timid wave while Freelancer smiled. “Nice to meet you!” Gavin grinned, his eyes glinting with mischief. “Nice to meet you, indeed.”

As if an alarm went off, another vampire was at their side in an instant. Lovely perked up. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I’m Lovely, and this is my boyfriend, Vincent.”

He waved, his sleeve rolling down to reveal his red bracelet. “Nice to meet you all.”

Freelancer’s eyes widened. “Wait, are you both vampires?”

Vincent shifted uneasily. “Yes…” Freelancer gasped. “Ohmigosh, I’ve never met a real one before! I have so many questions.” Vincent looked at Damien questioningly. “Freelancer is humanborn.”

Vincent smiles. “Oh. Lovely was a latent electro elemental before turning.” Freelancer’s eyes got even bigger. “What?! That’s so rare!”

Lovely’s face reciprocated their excitement. “Wait, you’re new to all this too?” The pair eventually broke off from the group, babbling to each other about being relatively new to empowered life.

Vincent sighed before turning to the remaining four. “Why don’t you check out the bar? Most of the staff doesn’t get here until 6, but Lovely wanted you guys to come early.”

Lasko tilted his head in confusion. “What? B-but we don’t even-”

“I asked them to do that.”

All four of their heads whipped around to see one of the men break away from the intense conversation he was holding with the other. He held out a hand. “Morgan. I own this place.”

Damien shook his hand tentatively. “Damien. And this is Lasko, Gavin, and Huxley.” He said, gesturing to each respective person.

The other man approaches. “I’m James. Morgan’s…associate.” He said, his eyes scanning all four of them. He cleared his throat. “I wanted to speak with a few of you.”

——

Freelancer was uncomfortable. They didn’t understand why: a.) this random man was pulling them away from a perfectly good conversation, b.) only Gavin and Lasko were allowed to be in his office with them, or c.) why he even wanted to talk to them in the first place.

They glanced over at Gavin and Lasko.

To the left of them sat Gavin. He sat comfortably in his chair, however, they could see that his usual cool demeanor was slightly fractured.

To the right, Lasko was practically vibrating in his seat. His eyes darted around the room while he periodically wiped his palms on the fabric of his pants.

They sighed. “Lasko, it’s probably fine.”

The air elemental bites his lip. “Wh-why would he want to talk to us? What-what is so dif-dif-different about us that-that they had to separate us from-from Damien and-and-and-and- Huxley?”

“Worrying like that isn’t going to help anyone, Lasko.”

“B-but-”

“Glad to see you all.”

Lasko practically jolted out of his seat at the sound of James’ voice.

James raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“What do you want with us?” Gavin questions lowly.

James sighs and sits down across from the three other magic users.

“I have some questions for you three,” he says, pulling a file out of his desk. He tosses it in front of him and the photographs that spill out make Freelancer’s blood run cold.

“…about the Inversion.”

——

“No, this is weird, Huxley.” Damien says harshly.

The taller man frowns at his boyfriend. “Try not to stress too much, Dames. I don’t think anything will happen. Lovely wouldn’t bring us here to lure us into a trap,” He glances at them out of the corner of his eye. “…right?”

Lovely nods assuredly. “I promise, I didn’t know James was going to ambush them like that.” They place their hand on their chest, ignoring Vincent’s indignant ‘Hey!’ when they say, “I swear on Vincent’s immortal soul. It’ll be fine.”

Huxley turns back to Damien. “See? It’ll be okay.” Damien grumbles something under his breath, still not convinced.

However, his grumbling is interrupted by the front door of the club swinging open.

“God, I need a drink.” Damien flinches at the familiar voice.

His head swivels around to take in the speaker, and yes, there, in all of their glory was, “…Smartass?”

“Damien?”

Tags—

Notes: I am SO sorry it took so long to post y’all, my life is a shitstorm these days.

(I literally have a friend reporting someone in one of my classes for going into intense detail on how he would shoot up the school, I got a boyfriend, and my grandfather almost died 3 times)

[tboymordred]

“Seeing it now, this crown of swords...Guinevere is the only one who knew where it was.”

for @queer-ragnelle's May Day Parade (May Queen Guinevere)

[houseswife]

wilson is like one of those bitches who puts nicotine patches on their partner in their sleep so that they’ll subconsciously crave their presence and associate their time together with the gratification of it. except instead of doing it sneakily, he openly (even reluctantly) exists as the main source of house’s vicodin prescriptions, not only providing him with the high but maintaining this pavlovian dynamic where he actively contributes to house’s pain relief & survival. he’s essentially his lifeline. and for the most part, he doesn’t even do it on purpose!!! because aside from the literal drug connection, that’s what his friendship is to house, too. what bonnie said about how wilson just tries to be a Good and Normal friend but ‘once you’re the subject of all that attention, it’s addictive’. in season 8, he says “I cannot be responsible for the happiness of gregory house.” and then has the audacity to look shocked when foreman replies, “You are responsible, though.” it’s like he’s painfully aware of their fucked up codependency but simply turns his face away from it. he’s even in denial until the very last moment, until it’s not only his upcoming death on the horizon, but the knowledge that they’re both free. I always found his smile after ‘I’m dead, wilson’ a little chilling. because it feels like he knows what that means — the larger, lethal implications of house disregarding any worry about his own future — and only then is he done fighting it.

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 40

PREV

The Winter Banquet.

Where the Spring Championship announcements happen for Collegiate Exy. A formal event meant to allow the ERC to showcase how their stars weren’t just brutes on the court. Look at how beautiful and handsome they all were. Look at how they danced together. Look at the smiles and laughter and-

Wait.

No.

Put that down.

Who had the great idea to put the Jackals next to the Terrapins? Things have been tense between the teams since the Captain of the Terrapins stole the Captain of the Jackal’s date during the Fall Banquet!

I thought we all agreed that there would never be any more steak knives! What was the point of paying for all the pre-cut tenderloins if we’re just going to give them steak knives?! 

Really gotta find an intern to pin this fiasco on.

Oh great the Foxes are leaving! Did we even get a picture of Kevin Day in his suit? Fuck it’s going to be a two intern firing kind of day isn’t it.

Someone get an eye on the Ravens before they try and grab some hapless idiot and sacrifice him to revive Riko Moriyama. If there’s even one more damn tabloid with a blurry photo of ‘Riko Moriyama’ to prove that his death was faked then heads will roll.

Honestly, the biopic that some Edgar Allan Film student is making about him seems pretty interesting. The ERC just wishes people would stop taking pics of the ‘lead actor’ and sending it to tabloids as proof that the King hadn’t died.

Fuck, the Foxes left before we got any decent pictures.

Well just great.

You’d think that after all these years of the Foxes leaving early they’d have learned that getting pictures as they arrive is the most important thing. 

Oh thank god it looks like the Trojans are starting to mediate the fight. You can always count on good ol’ Jeremy.

Fuck.

A Raven got too close to Jean Moreau and now Jeremy Knox has punched a Backliner. Great. The Trojans have formed ranks around Moreau but the kid’s just too damn tall. Someone has hit him in the head with an especially saucy meatball, he’s not injured, just confused. The Trojans are acting like it’s a gunshot he just took to the head.

The refreshment table just seemed to collapse in on itself and god wasn’t that just an allegory for this entire damn evening.

Anita Flores sighs as she watches yet another banquet go down in a riot. Honestly, she doesn’t know why they think these will end up differently. She finds herself often missing when she used to coordinate banquets for football teams.

She sighs and thinks about her least favorite interns.

Alex had been getting a bit too cocky lately. He’d make a good sacrifice.

***

(Three hours earlier)

The Palmetto State Foxes were on their way to the Winter Banquet. From what FF understood it was categorically always a 90% chance of a shitshow. Honestly FF was surprised that the percentage was that low.

There was a general tenseness in the air surrounding it that went beyond the Banquet’s propensity to become a fight. 

This year the Winter Banquet was going to be held up at the Binghamton Bearcat’s stadium. The nation knew the story from the news and FF knew the story from both that and from the Foxes themselves who were there at the time in bits and pieces.

Captain Neil had been kidnapped from this stadium and then he’d been tortured. FF hadn’t even been on the team when it had happened and he was anxious about Captain Neil going anywhere near the stadium.

“He was just…he was just gone.” Matt had said, “Neil was gone and Kevin said that he was probably dead when Andrew got back with his phone.” He continued as the two of them sat up late in the living room of the dorm one night back in early October.

“I thought Andrew was going to kill me y’know.” Kevin had said bottle in hand as FF tried to help him up the stairs because apparently he would 100% guarantee vomit if he was in the nausea box. “I thought that maybe I deserved it, since I didn’t help Neil. I just let him walk to his death.” He said and despite assurances that he wouldn’t puke FF’s shoes did not make it through that journey unscathed.

“We called…we called everywhere.” Nicky had stared up at the ceiling of his hospital room, “Andrew was adamant that he was still alive even though Kevin kept saying he was dead and that dead was the nicest thing he could hope for. I thought that was a terrible thing to say.” Nicky curled up closer to him.

“I told you, Andrew dragged me like I was nothing to get to Neil. I don’t think he even noticed the guns.” Wymack said to Abby as the two sat on the back porch during Aras’ going away party. “His eyes were on Neil.” he gestures towards where Andrew was watching Captain Neil wrestle with Matt.

“He looked like shit.” Aaron had said unable to stomach a diagram of different degrees of burn in his medical book. “At least he was alive.” He adds.

“A hero.” Andrew’s voice had been what could be considered teasing from Andrew, “Someone who looks like her.” he had said touching Captain Neil’s burn scars as they drove away from the stadium after coming back to pick FF up.

Captain Neil had come to him the day before they were set to drive out, “Take me somewhere no one will find me for an hour.” FF hadn’t quite understood what Captain Neil meant, he never hid anywhere. People just failed to realize where he was.

“Ok.” he says instead of trying to explain because being unnoticed means no one hid codes from him.

The roof of the Library wasn’t that much different from the roof of the Tower, only that it was taller and bigger. Captain Neil had shut his phone off after texting something, likely to Andrew, and then put it into his pocket.

FF settled on the roof, sat with his back against a heating vent to stay warm. Captain Neil settled next to him and they sat in silence. It felt like back at the start of this where Captain Neil and Andrew would come find him and just sit in silence. 

It was nice. He had missed-

“They act like the stadium is the thing that kidnapped me.” Captain Neil says.

Oh okay, quiet time is over apparently.

FF doesn’t say anything, figuring that nothing he could say right now would be the right thing and maybe Captain Neil just needs to talk through some stuff.

“That stadium is where I thought I’d have my last good memory.” Captain Neil explains, “I’m not scared of it and yet Andrew’s acting like I’ll die if I’m left alone for more than 2 seconds while we’re there. Every time we go there they all act like the most important thing in the world is that I get on that bus at the end of the night.” Captain Neil explains.

FF does remember how Andrew had grabbed Captain Neil after their October game up in Binghamton. How Captain Neil had complained bitterly but had gone after looking at Andrew.

“He’s dead!” Captain Neil exclaimed and FF couldn’t help but look over at the entrance and hoped no one heard them. “He’s dead! I watched him get shot! He can’t kidnap me again!” Captain Neil continued to yell and FF couldn’t help but worry that they’d be heard below, or worse bother a student trying to study below.

FF reached out and touched Captain Neil’s arm and bright blue eyes turned to him, “We’re on a library. Don’t yell.” FF said and Captain Neil looked at him incredulously.

Then he laughed. He laughed and laughed and FF was worried that he’d gone and broken his Captain.

He suddenly felt bad about his own bout of hysterical laughter a while back.

“Thanks Smith.” Captain Neil had said with a smile.

They had sat up there until it was dark and Andrew had started calling FF’s phone and Captain Neil took the call to say he was coming back.

Now they’re on the bus, dressed nicely, and on their way up to Binghamton’s stadium. Captain Neil and Andrew are hidden in the far back of the bus with Andrew looking far more like a watchdog than anything else the closer they got to their destination.

Captain Neil had seemed largely resigned to this treatment at this point. Eventually they were at the stadium and shown to their seats. They were sat across from the Trojans and it seemed like the rest of the team was quite pleased with that.

“Smith!” Captain Jeremy Knox is smiling at him, “Nice to see you again bud, nice name change too.” he says.

“It’s nice to see you too, Captain Jeremy.” FF says and doesn’t notice how Captain Neil’s head whips around to look at him.

“You two know each other?” Nicky asks looking between the two of them with excitement.

“Of course! We offered Smith a spot at the USC Trojans.” Captain Jeremy says and FF feels his stomach cramp at the memory.

That had been terrifying.

Coach Rheman and Captain Jeremy wanted to sit down to make their offer with his parents. He was still 17 and unable to sign anything legal without their permission. He’d tried to decline and move past them and Captain Jeremy had put the final nail in the coffin at the time for any thought that he could go to college on the power of his apparent Exy capabilities.

“I saw in your file that you have brothers! USC always gives a second look at student applicants who already have siblings in the university. You could go to school with your brothers!” he had smiled brightly like he wasn’t issuing FF one of the most terrifying threats he’d ever heard in his entire life.

He had given the firmest ‘No thank you, I’m not interested in playing Exy in college.’ he could and was running to his Grandma’s to breath into a bag for twenty minutes.

“I see you changed your mind about playing Exy in college.” Captain Jeremy said with the same smile that still feels like a threat.

“Coach Wymack and Captain Dan were convincing.” he says and looks to see if there’s any way he can move further away from Captain Jeremy’s attention.

“Can I ask what convinced you to be a Fox?” Captain Jeremy asks, “I’m always trying to see what support we should be offering. I found out last year that we missed out on Andrew because we didn’t offer spots to Aaron or Nicky. I thought since you had brothers that’d be the thing that got you.” Captain Jeremy leans across the table but stops when he notices the Foxes all tense. “Whoa, what’s up?” he asks.

Jean Moreau sighs from next to Captain Jeremy, “Not everyone wants to go to college with their family, Jeremy.” Jean says, “Did it not cross your mind that he changed his entire name?” he asks with a raised brow.

Jeremy blinks, “Oh,” he looks at FF, “I guess that wasn’t the right thing to offer.” he says leaning back in his chair.

“I guess I should thank you for offering that?” Nicky says wryly before turning to look at FF, “You look better in orange anyways.” he says.

“Thank you Nicky.” FF returns loyally.

The banquet gets started shortly afterwards. Food is served. The bar is opened. People are talking. FF finds himself relaxing the longer the conversations around him go on. Matt is talking with a backliner on the Trojan line named Todd in good cheer. Captain Neil, Kevin, and Jean are all talking about the latest updates with Ichirou in French with the occasional gesture towards FF. Jean Moreau looks at him with a raised eyebrow but gives him a single nod when Captain Neil explains what happened.

Jeremy is chatting with Jack and even Jack was finding it hard to maintain his usual level of rudeness in the face of such unbridled positive energy. Nicky was talking with Katelyn and Alvarez. Aaron was chatting with a fellow med student college athlete who was an offensive dealer. 

It was shaping up to be a good night.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

[ghostsofharrenhal]

Taylor Swift demands Jack Sweeney stop tracking her jet - The Washington Post (archive.org)

^ Link to the article without paywall

This honestly does it for me. After all the TS oversaturation the past year (and yes, I did enjoy Eras and supported her music until Midnights; Lord knows I've listened to her since I was a preteen), I'm surrendering my [casual] Swiftie card. I've tried to like her as a person/brand (brand is the better word) but now I cannot dissociate her image from her music anymore (I can't "kill" the artist from the art anymore).

How she straight-up acted in the Grammys (the Celine snub then PR cleanup, making the awards show all about her, the strategic announcement of TPD, I could go on objectively but yeah) might just be the tipping point already. And who am I, right? What's one less listener? What's one less woman who denounces TS's white feminism and performative/selective activism?

I've ignored the M*tt H**ly debacle, the Ice Spice tokenization, the Olivia Rodrigo royalties issue which I knew against my will, the Person of the Year hot water, the brat pack upgrade featuring Republican Lana Del Rey, the 'self-made' origins myth debunked, the rubbing elbows with Mahomes, the ever-growing rabid fanbase out for blood, and so on, so on.

As a person of color I just want these things out. If 'feminism' is enabling this billionaire to get away with her crimes (yes, she's a climate criminal now for me, what with using her jet as a taxi to see her newest boytoy across the globe), then I'm not seated. If 'feminism' is shrugging off her response or lack of action towards the fan, Ana Clara, who died in the Brazil leg of the tour, then I am speaking now.

I guess, it's finally been exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero.

[mist-the-wannabe-linguist]

Woe, map be upon ye

The coverts of Switzerland's aerial corps do not operate under a single centralized administration, but instead operate as individual units under the leadership of their respective cantons. Each covert has slightly different specializations, for example the Bern and Sion Coverts situated on the grounds of large fortified castles with notable military history, or a small offshoot of the Zürich Covert which is used solely by miners, while others, such as the Zermatt Covert, are more focused on mountain rescue. In the modern times as consequence of the Confederacy's political neutrality, most coverts are only in civilian use, inhabited primarily by couriers who deliver messages not merely to other coverts, but to all towns and villages, providing communication even to the most isolated mountain communities. Still, each covert typically has at least one battle-worthy dragon in case of internal conflicts such as peasant uprisings.

In the 1790s, the small Saint-George Covert just off the border with France has begun attempts at expansion into a military covert in response to fears of invasion by the newly formed French Republic

[starlitangels]

Empowered Internet

Okay. Most of y’all have probably seen me playing around with polls, pretending we’re all empowered, right? Tagging things as “#Keep It Covert” to be cheeky and acting like I’m asking questions to “Empowered Tumblr”

But let’s think about that for a second

Gavin says there are apps for empowered people, which is cool and I wish someone would have elaborated on that by now but what about accessing the internet from your computer browser?

After the Inversion, Erik posted the Department’s official statement on the tragedy with a remarkably convincing fake CloseKnit “ad” right before it

It looked almost just like standard YouTube

But there is A) no way the Department would make that video public where unempowered people could happen across it. The Department maintains covert as its number 1 priority. And B) no way the Department and maybe even the rest of empowered society would bother making a whole separate YouTube just for themselves when YouTube is already right there

So. Obviously there’s some way to access empowered portions of the internet from the standard unempowered internet

Like when you make a YouTube account you put a code into your channel name box (like “EmpoweredID#123456789Covert”) that disappears but unlocks the empowered side of things or something along those lines. Something unempowered people wouldn’t be able to find accidentally

And that’s where you find empowered spaces

Podcasts, vloggers, musicians, ebooks by empowered authors, Facebook groups for shifter packs and vampire clans, empowered-only Discord servers, and so on and so forth

Probably not accessible on every website, but the biggest ones like YouTube and Twitter and Facebook definitely have that feature. If the Department gets enough requests for other websites, they’ll go to said website’s developers and get that access added there too (Tumblr hasn’t been approved yet because I think that’s funny—but the empowered users of Tumblr definitely figured out hints to show each other who’s a fellow magic user) and wipe the developers’ memories of ever doing it, potentially

So yeah. Empowered internet

[ashturnedtomist]

Keep it Covert: Ch.6

Brand

Keep it Covert Masterlist

Previous | Beginning | Next

Summary: In which, Freelancer tried to see the silver lining.

Based off this post

Read it on Ao3!

TW: Discrimination

Gavin wasn’t typically a worrier. He usually left that to Lasko.

But nothing was more worrying than watching his Deviant spiral like this.

He watched them pace back and forth in their living room. The others left hours ago to call loved ones and to see if they heard anything from D.A.M.N. They had nearly bitten their nails down to stubs, something they had long since given up after they met him.

“Deviant, you’re going to wear a hole into the carpet.”

They paused and turned to face him. “I just- I don’t- what is going on?”

Gavin only sighed and opened his arms. They were quick to bury themself in his embrace.

He rubbed their back. “I don’t know.” He murmured in their ear. “I don’t know.”

They were trembling. “Gavin, I’m scared.” He frowns. He can feel their knots, growing tighter and tighter. “It’ll be fine.” He whispered, not knowing if his words have any truth.

——

Freelancer squinted at their orange bracelet as they held it up to the sunlight, the gold one residing right under. They glanced at their friends’ wrists too. Most of them brandished a gold one as well, for elemental magic, but Gavin’s was pink. For demons. They let out a loud sigh.

“At least they’re pretty.”

Damien snorted. “Of course that’s what you’re focused on.”

Huxley frowned. “Aw, c’mon. Don’t be like that Dames. They’re just trying to find a silver lining.”

The fire elemental crossed his arms indignantly. “I don’t see how practically branding us has a silver lining.”

Gavin heaves out a deep sigh. “For once, I’m going to have to agree with Damien on this one. These aren’t really…my type of bracelets.”

Lasko blinks. “Wh-what is your type of bracelet?”

“Don’t answer that.” Damien cuts in before Gavin can even open his mouth.

The incubus smirks. “Don’t be so boring, Damien.”

Huxley lets out a small chuckle while in the background, you can hear a small “I’m so confused.” from Lasko.

Freelancer smiles.

‘The more things change, the more they stay the same.’

——

“Did you hear? They’re letting that school stay open.”

Freelancer stood in line, waiting for coffee.

“What? The magic one?”

They blinked. Are they talking about D.A.M.N.?

“Yeah! Isn’t that crazy? To think, they’re still going to let those people learn how to use their powers.”

Oh.

“Yeah! Like, what if they turn against us or something. We weren’t all born with the ability to set things on fire and shock things, you know? They make me feel unsafe.”

Freelancer tugs the long sleeve of their sweater down, suddenly feeling like the bright orange metal on their wrist wasn’t so pretty anymore.

Maybe Damien was right.

Maybe it was a brand.

——

Freelancer woke to their phone ringing at 3 am. Gavin groaned from beside them.

“Ignore it.”

Against their boyfriend’s wishes, they reached for their phone, checking the caller ID.

“It’s Huxley,” they murmured in a raspy voice. “I have to answer.”

Gavin grumbled for a few moments before submitting to his partner’s will.

They hit answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Freelancer! Are you awake?”

Huxley’s enthusiastic voice trilled from the other line.

“I am now.” They said sleepily.

“Awesome. Anyway, me and Dames got a call from an old friend—turns out they’re a vampire now, crazy huh?”

“Wait, what-”

“Anyway! They told us about this suuuuper cool club that’s one thousand percent empowered friendly and I was wondering if you and Gavin wanted to check it out with us. Lasko already said yes.”

Freelancer blinked. They rubbed at their eyes blearily.

“I mean. Sure. I’d have to talk to Gavin when he’s more coherent but-”

“Awesome! See you tomorrow night?”

Freelancer blinked again.

“…sure.”

“Cool. Bye!”

The phone beeped, signalling the end of the call and Freelancer flopped back down on the bed.

That was weird.

Note: Y’all, I am so sorry this took so long, but I am literally falling into the fanfic writing stereotypes 😭 School started, and then we had a bomb threat, and then I was having transportation issues, and then my grandfather has been in and out of the hospital for WEEKS, so I’ve just been all over the place.

Anyway! Hope you enjoyed!

[eclaire-went-bam]

"covert" narcissist this "overt" narcissist that, are y'all actually that consistent?

[wolfisland]

deciding to just openly be like yeah im crazy is like a degree of liberating but also idk its very embarrassing lmfao like ooooh im pretty sure theres people in my brain im just waiting for a psych to stop telling me its just fucking bpd lol arent i special. sigh

[hyperactivetransdrone]

One of the more... interesting things about whenever I read random hypno online is that sometimes there are triggers or commands put in me and I don't know about it.

I occasionally have an idle thought about it but when I notice it and try to actually examine it my brain is like some social media when there's no notifications or whatever like it just goes

"Whoops nothing there! :) We're not hiding anything from you there was no results in that search Inquiry to begin with 🤷‍♀️ so why don't you try a different query?"

And I'm like then wtf was that thought about [serving someone/messaging somone/etc.]? Huh brain?

[howdidthisevenhappenanyway]

ok so hear me out. rex deserves this

sauce:

[vain-creature]

is it like… an inherent narcissistic trait that a person w NPD must be constantly manipulating and on edge and that every part of their life must be entrenched with the disorder?

I was thinking i might have it but unless in direct danger of vulnerability or being seen a certain way I just… chill? I’m not always on the lookout and manipulating and everything I do or don’t do isn’t always related or consciously related to it. Again, I’m just questioning so I might not be the best example of this, but I believe there are people with NPD who live “normal” lives, just with a disorder? People with diagnosed NPD who have friends and partners and family they’re not bent on manipulating for attention? That they like spending times with for the sake of it? And I’m sure there are people with NPD who have a job that has nothing to do with their disorders, or is even in direct conflict with it (for example something that draws little attention but that they like doing)? Because people with NPD still have a conscience and likes and dislikes.

Even discarding my own possibly non-NPD experience, it’s still weird the way people who have it are framed. And it is very characteristic of this personality disorder, and not any other (maybe aspd? i’m not sure).

For example, I was just reading an article on NPD, and the (clearly biased) writer said: a covert narcissist will pretend to be shy for attention. And I was like: or maybe they are shy? why can’t they just genuinely be shy? NPD is a disorder that affects people, not a strict way to be that controls every part of the person. People with NPD are still people and they still have personality, and they can be shy. Maybe the vulnerable narcissist is actually shy and quiet? Instead of presenting as such for attention.

I swear this view of the disorder is so stupid, I can’t believe it is the shared consensus.

Yeah, I think believing that every pw/npd is inherently a manipulator is extremely biased. Just because someone has NPD it doesn't mean they are a master manipulator, and depending on what it is comorbid with it can look really differently (eg. autism, like with me)(and don't get me started about how hard it can be to even notice that what you are doing/thinking/feeling is not really normal, especially with comorbidities!)

The disorder is inherently a part of how I view the world, sure, but it doesn't cause me distress 100% of the time, every second, every day. In my opinion the diagnostic criteria are pretty ambiguous (I am one of the "takes everything literally unless hinted otherwise" people so I went "well I am not doing x ALL the time so I don't fit the criteria")

I, personally, resort to manipulative actions when I am feeling like my ego is in danger, and in most cases it is, as I call it, a knee-jerk reaction, instinctual, automatic, subconscious. A lot of epithets, I know, but I want to convey the thing clearly sksksk. Even when I do it consciously, it is not malicious - my main goal is, always, first and foremost, preserving my ego, preserving my image. I don't deny that I may have hurt others through my actions, but I don't want it to happen. I don't like hurting others because it also endangers my ego, after all. Being a good person is very important to me, and both external and internal validation are really important for my mental well-being. If I went left and right hurting others it would be really damn hard to get that external validation!

So, when nothing like that is happening, I am well-adjusted, I would say, at least in the npd range. Do I still think of other people inferior and myself superior? Yeah. But I also have people my mind considers equal to me, people I genuinely enjoy spending time with. (Also like. just because I think someone is inferior it doesn't mean I treat them badly?????? Idk where that notion came from in anti-npd folk, but like in my eyes me treating people I find inferior nicely is actually proof how good of a person I am so like???)

Because of knowing I have NPD I have started noticing when I am manipulative, and, just like you said, I have at least the semblance of conscience, so I really try to restrict that. Not always works out, but at least I am trying. Not every pw/NPD is evil and malicious, after all.

Also, like, most people need some form of attention to be healthy, fishing for it has no negative value.

There seems to be this specific bias appearing when people write or generally perceive pw/NPD -> every little action, every trait, every word, is, actually, a well-orchestrated plan to manipulate or otherwise fool others. Well, that's straight up wrong. There's so much diversity in the world, it's not that improbable that someone with NPD could be shy, for example. We are not cartoon villains rubbing our hands together at every possibility to lie and deceive!

If the perception of NPD was not.... what it currently is :/// I would have known way earlier! At least for me it was a random coincidence that I learned stuff about NPD that was not the evil black-eyed demon from pop-psychology. I was extremely unaware of all the ways it manifested in me and now I can actually realize that my feelings and thoughts are actually often skewed.

There is always one article I like consulting about things NPD, NPD Basics from McLean Hospital, which outlines that current diagnostic criteria are... well. Really biased towards the grandiose side of NPD

The NPD diagnosis in DSM has been criticized for being one-sided and relying primarily on external socially and interpersonally striking and provocative features. As such, it has failed to capture the full range of narcissistic personality pathology, especially the internal vulnerability and insecurity characterized by severe self criticism, insecurity, confusion, shame, aloneness, and fear. Instead, the diagnosis has primarily emphasized external characteristics related to boasted grandiosity, and obviously adverse interpersonal functioning. Important aspects of the patient’s internal distress and painful experiences of self-esteem fluctuations, identity diffusion and emotional dysregulation have not been included.

Contrary to the external confidence, arrogance, and insensitivity, people with pathological narcissism and NPD tend to struggle with a shifting and conflicting sense of self and identity. Underneath a more noticeable self-praising or self-enhancing outward facade they can be excessively self-critical and judgmental.

Both clinical and empirical studies have confirmed that emotional distress, interpersonal vulnerability, a sense of inadequacy, need for control, avoidance, and fear, pain, and anxiety are important facets of narcissistic personality functioning. Co-occurrence and fluctuations between self-enhancing grandiosity and self-depreciating vulnerability are also present in narcissistic pathology. Typical indications of narcissistic vulnerability include inferiority and insecurity, avoidance, shyness, hidden aggressive reactions, shame, and persistent self-negativity. Paradoxically, hidden excessive self-negativity can also serve empowering, protective, and controlling functions. Additional characteristics frequently found in patients with NPD are perfectionism and high standards accompanied by self- and other-directed criticism, as well as by preoccupation with fear of not meeting standards and of failing. In addition, chronic envy, rage, boredom, and emptiness can co-occur with hyper-vigilance and defensive emotional reactivity, especially aggressivity, criticism, and dismissiveness.

^ Three interesting fragments. Notice the connection between traits associated with grandiosity with underlying issues associated more with covert npd -> at least in my experience they are two sides of the same coin! That's why I don't necessarily identify with one or the other, because depending on the situation, social norms and people I am with, I may come off as both a grandiose and covert narcissist! The line is not as rigid as it may seem, I would even say it can often be nonexistent.

mclean.org/npd-provider-guide

^ a link for those interested! It's a really good read and I recommend it to anyone questioning if they may have NPD

:)

[itsalmostavengers]

Sorry I’ve had two coffees so im yapping on tumblr but does anyone know how to mute email notifications on ao3

[starlooove]

Oh. Sad